#did I write this at a family bbq yes because I became possessed I had to

[kedsandtubesocks]

erika dear 🥺 tell me why this... somehow makes me think of my mando bakugou ??? i think it's because of the high neck maybe !!! it's so casual but idk !!! when he takes it all off maybe...😏 BUT MAYBE I JUST ALWAYS HAVE HIM ON MY MIND ALRHAODHAKKA

My darling Willow why is tumblr like this and not sending the link I’m gonna SHAKE THIS BLUE SITE WITH MY BARE HANDS!!

(edit - Willow sent me the link via messages we are so blessed: https://www.tumblr.com/vaporzzz/715171240310128640/happy-birthday-bakugou?source=share)

But the visual of a high neck…it’s too real because the mandalorian flight suit that most of them wear is thick and covers up a lot so it’s not risqué in any sense but it still reveals so much at the same time??

Like can you imagine the first time you notice it?? It would be when you have to heal his grumpy metal head. A blaster shot had managed to snag the sweet spot between his neck and shoulder not covered by his beskar shoulder pauldron. He goes feral, angered that he is wounded. And when you use the force to heal the wound, after having to snap at him, your hands press against the wound. It’s then you realize he wears a full layer beneath the armor.

But the actual time ever seeing him fully just in the flight suit?? OOF!

It’s late one night when a mandalorian cruiser ship returns back to the home planet but in a screeching clash. It shakes up the entire community. Everyone, including you, runs out into the night to check on the ship and it’s crew.

Thankfully the ship took most of the damage and everyone inside makes it back rather unscathed.

You help the medics with anything they need and even use the force to move debris getting in the way. In the heat of it Bakugou yells orders the entire time.

He is a fierce but strangely enough comfort during the whole ordeal. You can’t help it. You turn to check on his loud metal ass.

Bakugou stands hands on his hips talking with the pilot of the ship, his loud voice now composed and even comforting.

You think maybe it’s not him at first because he is not in full armor. The black painted beskar and white strip out lining the t visor is the dead give away that it’s him. However, it feels as if you are seeing him for the first time. No…it is the first time seeing him and realizing that he is a man. You wonder maybe a wild rancor has rammed into your stomach because you have to catch your breathe.

The black flight suit completely covers him, doesn’t even allow an complete image of how toned his arms are. It instead extenuates his broad shoulders. You notice his tapered waist and how sturdy his entire chest appears.

Bakugou looks strong, built, maybe even stronger out of armor and it does not make any sense! It makes you want to scream!

You should not be down right staring at this man, this mandalorian, especially not just during a time like this. And ship crash accident or not, the lightsaber quiet on your hip is a silent judgmental weight and reminder why you should not be thinking these thoughts.

With a firm inhale to keep yourself composed you jog over to help Kirishima and a few others.

The rest of the night you avoid even glancing at Bakugou. Even when he yells at you-

“Shitty Jedi, you alright?”

“Yeah I’m good!” Is all you yell back. You don’t even turn towards him because it is taking so much strength to not simply turn around and stare at him.

You even have to force yourself not to just think about Bakugou or image of his shoulders, or the way you want to imagine how sturdy his chest feels-

A horrified panic seeps in from just thinking of that and it closes your throat.

All you can do is exhale loud and shakily.

“Hey, you okay?” Sweet Kirishima asks and now you’re embarrassed even more.

You turn to him with a bright nod. “Yup all good.”

A lie, an awful poisonous one you need to find anti venom for and fast.

This feels like a test from the force and you hate that it’s one you might already be failing…

#I can’t believe we haven’t talked about the Mando flight suits because oh my stars… #did I write this at a family bbq yes because I became possessed I had to #this is what mandalorian bkg does to my brain #Willow I lalalala love you so much my favorite animal crossing dreamie villager #thank you I am sending you a slice of cake from the bbq #Willow’s tag 🪴✨ #across the stars: mandalorian bakugo #mandalorian bakugo or aka erika stop talking about star wars #in a galaxy far far away: a sw bnha universe

[eallisnwndrlnd]

Moving On From 2018

One thing I can say that I love about New Years is that it’s like life feels like it gave you a bit of a reset button. Not erasing anything but at least working towards improving what you did or didn’t do the past year. I definitely need that reset for this past year 2018. 

Most of the year was in a bit of a stressful blur. I’m not going to bother reflecting on my previous New Years post since most of what I had hoped to come into fruition didn’t. All I can say is despite my battle with my depression and anxiety being the major factor in my stressed out year, I managed to accomplish some things. May not have been most of what I had planned but hey, that’s life sometimes. 

This past 2018 I completed my 3rd year, completed my internship hours and my first semester of my last school year in college. 

Even if I didn’t get in any of the companies I may have wished for my internship, I was lucky to find a company where I had a chance to utilize my skills and creativity in my writing and photography. It was pretty stressful initially when I was not getting any response from any of the fifteen companies I applied to. Thankfully it all worked out in the end. I even had fun and made it feel like a vacation with a classmate that became roommate and friend. I was feeling less claustrophobic when I was in our shared apartment in BGC, Taguig, away from the many reasons for my stress and anxiety. I was able to let myself forget about it at least during those short two months during break. 

Going straight into the start of 4th year with unresolved issues and things that needed to be done, my stress and anxiety kicked into overdrive as schoolwork and personal issues at home gradually stacked up against me. By the end of the semester I was completely wound tight and sensitive as hell where I felt at any moment I could break. There were some close calls close to the end that’s for sure. Especially with some family drama that nearly buried me in an emotional quicksand. I ended up breaking down in front of my teacher for thesis because I thoroughly let myself down on that one. I was in no shape to complete it in time for the scheduled defense that was a few weeks ago. When it all comes down to it, no one is harder on me than myself. I put the high expectations on me and when I don’t meet them or make a mistake or complete it short of perfection, I dwell on it to no end. Then there was the matter of film and theatre class, where if I were back home, I may have enjoyed and been extremely enthusiastic about but alas due to my poor fluency in Tagalog I wasn’t able to truly be a part of the major projects we had to complete. I ended up taking roles that were so far away from what I really wanted to contribute but as the stories were in a language and culture that I still didn’t fully understand, I was in no way able to contribute in the way I would have wanted to anyway.(One of the brighter spots of film was being able to share some of my favorite films of all time and also participate in our groups documentary on a Badjao community despite being in pain and sick more than half the time. Seeing and meeting some of the people with their strength and courage and determination despite their hardships, really helps one put things in perspective.) With the organizations I am a part of, even if I had a minor role in all three, I still didn’t feel up to the task. I really kind of played dead dog for most of my responsibilities in ISO. 

Honestly, this semester and even last semester, I felt myself ever so slightly detach from everything and kind of just mechanically go through the motions just managing to barrel through out of sheer need to complete my four years in college, do well and graduate. This semester is the first time in over four years where I found myself nearly having an anxiety attack. Not once, but three times. Once during debate when my brain refused to memorize my speech and then I fucked up completely during the recitation for my midterms. (I’m just thankful that my written speech helped me pick my grade up for that. Writer I may be, but speaker I sorely am not) It didn’t help that I still get a bit of stage fright every once in a while. Then the second was when my cousin messaged me about my mother having a schizophrenic episode and that it was causing drama and issues. The third one was during one of our theatre rehearsals and that one had no initial trigger except my stupid bronchitis that refused to go away that came out of a cold that has lasted frakking forever. Toss in several emotional breakdowns and smoking a ciggy after three years ciggy free and I could say I was down for the count. These past holidays of Thanksgiving and then Christmas were kind of meh considering I was sick for the first one and ma and I both were sick for the latter. But I pretty much had been sick on and off all this past semester and throw in my fibromyalgia kicking in worse than its been in the past four years, bringing spasms of pain that brought me to tears and bouts of insomnia this entire past year, 2018 brought more pain in more ways than one than anything else. I’m just thankful my ma, pop and family and friends (and my possessed cat, Gandalf) are still healthy and those that aren’t so much are on the road to being so, hopefully soon. 

This new year 2019 is hopefully the year where I finally meet one of my lifetime goals of graduating and getting a college degree. After so much work and sacrifice not only from me but my parents, I need to reach that goal. I will be starting my fourth year second semester at the end of this month but before that hopefully will have completed our final film and theatre projects as well as getting some traction in completing my thesis that is now not a solo one as I included three classmates to be a part of it. At the end of the day, even if I had wanted my thesis, that I started with on my own, to be solely mine, I had to consider my health both mentally and physically which became the deciding factor in no longer trying to push myself in such a way that would’ve hurt me rather than help. As I near graduation, I will set out in determining what I want to do afterwards. Whether I stay here (that’s only if I get an opportunity down the road) or go back to the States or go to another country has yet to be determined. If I were to go back to the States, I’d then have to decide which state I’d be moving to. Or rather, WE would be moving to. We as in me and mother. Yes, my mom is a big factor in my decision. She has to be, there’s no point deluding myself that I would be comfortable with any other scenario. I’ve watched over that woman pretty much all my life and have been a sort of parent-like person for her since I was a kid. As she grows older and goes deeper into her schizophrenia and becomes more fragile, I cannot in my heart think of any other alternative other than keeping her with me. It’s not some martyrdom complex or anything like that, it’s just how I am wired. Even with all my issues and the mental, emotional and physical toll it has taken on me, I love my mom and she brought me up the best way she knew how or could do. I can’t fault her for her illness and I can’t ignore the fact that she needs me as much as I need to know she is ok...as ok as she is capable of being. I may gripe and such but let’s face it, these are the cards I was dealt and I’ve managed all this time somehow and I’m pretty sure as I get older and wiser I’ll get better and better at doing so. But for the most part I can say I’m at peace with my decision (even when a tiny voice inside my head screams at me WTF are you thinking!!! HEEELP MEEE!) Now I’m just torn between should I stay or should I go (now. ....sorry had to. As I was typing those words I was singing it dammit!!!) And if I go, go where exactly? What do I do with my cat? How tf am I getting the beloved furry pain in my butt to come with me? What best fits not only my needs but my mothers and (if my furbaby is coming) Gandalf? New York? (That’s expensive AF) San Francisco? (SAME! but but SWEATER WEATHER LOVE!!!) L.A. (I’m not gonna lie, my home city is the last choice on my short list) Seattle? (perhaps but can my ma stand the so called gloomy weather which I am partial to?) S.A. (STOP! HAULT! DO NOT GO THERE! Though I have many fond memories and do love the city in many ways including my family and friends..and cheaper rent per square foot...and delicious bbq...I just can’t...cuz politics, namely its states’ politics. I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t want my tree hugging, In-N-Out loving ass either anyhow.) I guess I can only say We’ll see. As I get closer to the end of my fourth year I’ll be more sure of which direction I’d want to go but so many things can still happen from now to then so I just want to leave myself open to any possibility that I may not have even thought of. 

So besides all that ‘off to the future I go’ crap, lets see...what do I want to see myself accomplish this year. I...

Must read more books (last year was depressing af for my bookwormish self as I only read three books, actually technically two were only completed in 2018 but I started in 2017. Now that’s sad for someone who used to down one to two books a day and read as she walked) 

Must get rid of more of my shit (I actually have been slowly accomplishing this little by little but seeing as it is nearing the end of my time at UB I must do this in its entirety by the middle of the year.) 

Must write at least one script of my own and complete it. (I have a few synopsis ideas written down, I just need to sit my butt down and make it a full story) 

Hope to go to Tokyo, Australia, New Zealand, Thailand and again to South Korea. (At least Tokyo I hope for this year) 

Must lose the weight I gained only during this past semester. (I can only fit my rollies into two of my jeans and both have holes, one was bought that way and the other lost the battle with a tricycle and a school chair) 

Must cook more (I actually have been little by little doing just that, thanks to Instagram people who post recipes that motivate my lazy ass into wanting to cook what’s in the picture.) 

Must regularly volunteer again(Unfortunately I haven’t taken much time to do any since I’ve been here. Hopefully once my workload at school eases I can finally take the time to do this. It’s one of the things I love doing with my time because it’s the time when I can do something that isn’t for me but for someone else which I guess in a way is also for me in the sense that it just makes me feel good.) 

Must explore more of the Philippines (hopefully after I graduate we can do this) 

Hope to get to Guru level on Gurushots (only need to mark off four more of the criteria to get there) 

Hope to learn a third language (I’m thinking either Spanish or Korean since I at least know some vocabulary and short phrases already. The fact that I would love to be able to watch my kdramas without subtitles definitely gives me the incentive to lean toward the latter.) 

Hope to get more than four hours of sleep on average. (I would love that, only if my neighbors (front, both sides and back) dogs and Gandolf agree to keep it quiet during the wee hours in the morning)  

Must follow my daily, weekly, monthly goal checklist for more than just one month (yup that’s pretty much all that it lasted give or take a few weeks then days, last year) 

If I can manage to even complete a fourth of that which is mentioned above, I will have done this long ass blog entry justice. So if y’all managed to reach the end of all this ridiculousness, I wish to say to you HAPPY NEW YEAR and may this year and the many years to come bring you all you hope for and more. Let’s 2019 the shit out of this frakking year and make it our bitch!!!

(At least I can say with this yearly blog entry that I’ve managed to keep this one and only friggin tradition during New Years)

#new year #new years resolution #new years eve #life #goals

[sussex-nature-lover]

Saturday 2nd January 2021

Review of the Year Q2 April, May and June 2020

I did start off for today’s entry by looking at world news and events, but it was so heavy on Coronavirus and reports of violence that I gave up and decided to stick to reviewing my own Blog, not to be egocentric but it just makes for more pleasant reading.

Lockdown was hard. We were just so fortunate here that we have each other for company, outside space of our own and a huge cast of entertainers to watch and write about. The weather decided to play ball too.

The field directly across the lane played a big part in the Blog and we knew something was going to happen there this year when the farmer started readying the land.

April saw one of the last chem trails we were going to see in the sky for rather a long time.

Data from the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs saw huge drops in nitrogen oxides and nitrogen dioxide between the beginning of the UK's first lockdown and April 30, with pollution down by 30-40%           

source BBC

We felt safe walking down the lane as there was virtually zero road traffic. There are no footpaths where we live, no street lights either as it happens and no bus route, so it became very quiet.

‘Happy Rhubarby Anniversary’ a gift with food yards rather than food miles

It was during April that me and Crow celebrated 40 years of marriage. We’d been planning to take a little break away and to have a big family BBQ get together and neither of those things could happen. We had some lovely gifts and cards though and a nice enough time out in the garden.

One of our gifts was super thoughtful and hopefully long lasting

Everything around us started to flourish and of course we got out and about to see it all, got some exercise and had a change of scene (on foot only) It was just so peaceful everywhere/

I featured a series of photos of the line of trees in our back garden  ‘The Apostles’ viewed from around the local area, so we always knew when we were looking towards home.

The wildlife thrived. Pheasants are always a feature of my photo album and love a good pose, but I managed to start capturing a few shots of  insects, dragon flies and damsel flies (below) which are not such easy subjects.  

It’s no secret how much I love the Spring time and the new baby lambs and rabbits. I can’t believe how many photos I have of them and can stand for hours just watching the lambs skipping around and playing together.

Cheeky! location just the other side of the front door. You’re not coming in.

I was thrilled to bits when the Long Tailed Tits returned to the feeders as they pass from the woods to the conifers, I always miss them when they’re not around and we were delighted by all the wild flowers in the verges. There were some great homes for all the insects this year.

Goldfinches have usually come in to the garden but it became a standing joke that the moment my finger hit the camera button they’d have gone a split second before...but that began to change.

Notice on the ground at the local railway station

Meanwhile we were listening to daily briefings from the Government and the advice about how we should behave started to evolve.

People were doing all kinds of sponsored and public spirited things including 99 year old Captain Tom Moore walking in the garden, with the aid of his frame. It started off as a family sponsored effort but caught the public imagination and he went on to raise £38.9 million, including gift aid which went to charities associated with the National Health Service and its workers.

Captain Tom Moore knighted on 18th May - which just happens to be the birthday of the younger Ms Nature Watch (Ms NW tY)

At home we had two major players in the story of new life. Above ‘Daisy Waldron’ Wood Pigeon of this Parish, who nested right outside the front bedroom window where I look across to the field. Below some shots taken from the back of our hallway following the calamitous exploits of Tracey Song Thrush who needs to learn a thing or two about nest building.

We gave her a bit of a helping hand and she cottoned on, but the nest wasn’t successful this time.

There was drama over this side wall nest box too. Who would win possession in the end? The Great Tits or the House Sparrows?

The House Sparrows prevailed and eventually reared two successful broods.

Cistus in the garden. We had two rogue blooms with the pink stripe

Our walks took us up through the Hop Gardens and I researched and wrote quite a bit about Hops and Oast Houses. It was interesting watching them grow. I was just disappointed that we missed the harvest. Doh! Won’t make that mistake again.

And we had a very unexpected and lovely visitor one evening. We’d never seen a Badger in the garden before let alone right up by the house.

Badger at the kitchen window June

There were two new-to-us sightings of birds. Linnet (above) and Whitethroat (below) showing how little a distance you have to walk from home to see something entirely different. Our garden is fairly unkempt with a few wild areas, native hedging and lots and lots and lots of trees with woodland beyond. Surrounding the house are fields and different types of hedgerows, ponds and pockets of woodland. There were plenty of Swallows and Swifts down the lane too.

Back on home turf it was proving to be a really good breeding year.

Male Great Spotted Woodpecker feeds his youth (with the red cap on top of its head)

It was while we were watching the Woodpeckers in late June, when the feeders were temporarily relocated to the Conifer row, that I had an enormous and very welcome surprise.

Could I be right? Is that fuzzy green outline in the background really what I think it might be? I was feeling Eagle-eyed but I do have a bad habit of trying to turn things into what I want to see, rather than what they actually are. However, YES, after a total absence of more years than I can even remember, Greenfinch were back! I’ve kept on saying that our garden is blessed with various kinds of Tits - Blue, Great, Coal, Marsh and Long Tailed, but light on Finches. Greenfinch had deserted us, Bullfinch, rare and in fact not seen at all throughout 2020. Goldfinch, dare I say it, very flighty and Chaffinch in decline. The sighting of a Greenfinch made me unbelievably excited and happy and later on we had juveniles visit for food too. Happily it seems Chaffinch also had a good season and of course, Goldfinch turned up trumps and even let me get some photos. They’ve been seen here as late as New Year’s Eve 2020 when I’ve only ever seen them in the garden during Summer. These are all excellent signs and I just want the Bullfinch to buck their ideas up too now, I’ve been flirting with a very promising photo from the front hedge, but I know it’s a House Sparrow really.

And we’ll never know if Tracey was able to nest elsewhere, but we did have young Song Thrush from someone.

This was the first time we observed a Kestrel close by. She nested extremely close to where we’d seen Little Owls for a couple of years and she raised two chicks. One day she actually came hunting in our garden. We saw all three Kestrels regularly on our walks up past the farm and liked to watch the youngsters’ flying practice.

I’ve got to mention it. After thinking the Season may have to be cancelled, play had resumed behind closed doors (no fans present)

25th June, Liverpool FC’s 30 year wait to become Premier League Champions is over.

I won’t go on. Sad though that we’ve been denied the victory parade we’ve been waiting for - we had loose plans to go up to Liverpool. Oh well, the achievement’s there in incredibly difficult circumstances and the trophy cabinet’s been upgraded.

Decoration of the Day:

White silk horses bought in Hong Kong so long ago it was before the handover in July 1997

Music Choice:

Music of the Day because. Championes.

LoLa and Hauser perform piano and cello.

#naturephotography #review #wildlife #celebratinglife #birds #spring

[most-likely-to-runaway-with-u]

In a reflective mood and just wanted to write what Taylor Swift's Albums mean to me, where I was at the time, and what songs influenced me the most. (I'm gonna go in order that I discovered her music.)

Love Story: 2008/9 was babysitting with my best friend we were 14 talking about her crush at school, with the music channel playing. Looked over at the TV and just heard the bridge, both me and my friend had chills, asked her to rewind and we kept rewatching all night until we new all the words. Thought how beautiful Taylor was and said we need to write her name and YouTube and Google her later see if she has any other music.

Debut: 2008/9 we got back to my friends house I was sleeping over and we spent the whole night listening to the debut album, loving picture to burn and Tim McGraw, and I'm only me when I'm with you. Then we research a bunch of unreleased music cause we saw she had a new album coming but was kinda impatient and wanted more amazing songs. Was so happy in life at this moment in time.

Fearless: This album was just literally everything to me and my best friend. She still had a massive crush, and then ended up asking him out (the fearless speech made her feel bold enough, just imagine her 4ft10 ass striding up and addmiting her crush -- cutest thing ever. Then they broke up and he was with this other girl and literally I didn't know what to do cause I'd never had my heart broken, but Taylor's music was the perfect solution, so we listened to white horse and teardrops on my guitar and 15 for months. Until she was okay again. I didn't get to go to the fearless tour because I didn't have anymore and was too shy to ask but my friend went and she made me promise we'd see her together next time. I was so scared because she's from the US and not many people who I liked came over to UK Midlands. This time in my life was happy, free and honestly I did feel on top of the world.

Speak Now: The first album I brought on its release day. This is where her song writing really dug me deep, and where I became invested as a fan to her.

"Mine" felt like it was a message about my own insecurities about dating, I had a rough childhood however I had a very romantic mindset but I had this plague in my head, saying it was a trick or mind games. But this song was amazing for my imagination, although I still wasn't ready to date even though I felt like a freak because I was 16/17 and had never had date because of my anxiety. I used to joke it was because I was tall and guys were intimated. 😂

"Never Grow Up" at the time when I first heard it I thought this is a cute song and sweet message. However, now I understand it as an adult, 'someday everything i have is gonna be gone' is the truth.. gone were the days of protection and laughter. It breaks my heart everytime I hear it.

"Long live" my first concert and with my best friend. One of those conflicting feelings because it's one of my favourite memories but also I'll never get that night back again and now she lives away and it just makes me think of our friendship and our connection to Taylor.

"Haunted" - I was going through bad mental health, I was having panic attacks, crying on public transport and I literally became a recluse for about 3 months because I couldn't handle social interaction, even with my own family, I'd wait til they went to sleep at night to eat. I didn't speak online or anything. I just read, slept and occasionally watched a film if I could concentrate long enough. This song literally feels like I'm standing in a mirror at night watching myself age away. Like I thought I knew myself and knew what I wanted, but suddenly everything was pulled from under me and I was wishing I could go back to having that confidence and being that happy.

RED: I was 19, I still had never fell in love or dated, all my friends had gone to university, I had no job and I felt like a loser. I literally felt like so lonely and lost. Occasionally I'd be dragged out by old school friends to go clubbing, and predrinks we'd play 22 and WANEGBT. It was glimpse of happiness. Those songs as bubble gum pop they hold a special place. And 'I knew you were trouble' holds a special place in my heart.

1989: I had recently started dating someone and we fell in love pretty quick and pretty hard, he soon learnt of my love for TS, and most nights we'd play her music. I'd gotten a job where I felt I had purpose and I made new friends and was social again. It was a much happier era and time although it wasn't without its sad times.

Wildest Dreams: First time I had romantically danced with anyone even if it was in my nan and grandad kitchen, it was butterflies in the stomach, silly and nice. Plus, my bf would always sing the song as if it was written about him which always made me smile.

Clean: I had just lost my grandad to cancer after caring for him for a few months, he raised me and my siblings and I felt like I'd lost my parents all over again. Me and my friend had planned to see 1989 in Hyde Park. And I was considering not going cause it was so soon after the funeral, and I felt I'd be too sad. But the whole tour helped me escape home life for a night, the clean speech really hit a nerve and what Taylor said that night was exactly what I needed to hear..you can bet I sobbed. I still listen to the speech on my phone when I'm feeling really bad. That song will forever shine in my mind.

Rep: okay. Deep Breath. This was a highly stressful time, I was working full time and over hours at the hospital, I had just lost my grandad, and was caring for my grandmother whos still suffering with dementia, and trying to help the police with finding my brother who was in trouble for fraud, theft and drug possession. I'd get calls in the middle of the day saying my nan was shouting at the staff in the store for her money thinking it was the bank. I was pulled in half. I had a very difficult and selfish uncle who did nothing but pass judgements and make snide comments and I snapped. I left home that day. I never spoke to him again. I also cut my brother off. I went on holiday. Came back crashed at my bfs house and we moved into a apartment together 2 weeks later (rented) I went back to see my nan ofc, and things got messed up for her/ and the house which always make me sad but it only proved how much I actually did and how underappreciated I was. I stepped in when needed but whatever. It was a stressful time and I was pretty mad. So "DSB" & "LWYMMD" really helped that anger and turned it into empowerment. I also cut alot of toxic people out of my life and just never spoke to or off them again. Also her poems from that, 'why she disappeared' and 'if you're anything like me' they just hit hard... Again sometime I feel like Taylor's in my head. Also that tour! Beautiful evening!

"Don't blame me" - in love, in our own place, traveling Europe, some say it's become my whole life and like I've let everything go and become focused on all that. But I think after 5 years if love still doesn't drive you crazy then why are you still there.

Me! -- okay this song might not be as popular in the fandom but you know, I actually think it's great when you're in a long term relationship you feel frustrated, we all have our faults and this song is a happy way to talk about that, yes I'm troubled and I have issues, but you won't find somebody who loves you and as crazy and passionate as me! Hehehe. ;)

YNTCD - haha, literally every BBQ or house party or if It comes on the radio at work. It's blasted every body dances and it's a moment to be happy.

Archer - I didn't cry like many people have claimed to. I think I have hardened over the years so maybe it's that. But yeah I felt those words, about treachery, anxiety, insecurity and wanting people to stay through it all. Life is not without its ups and downs, I feel grateful that I have friends and a boyfriend of 5 years who have witnessed, my broken down, dark and angry side and really let me express myself and allow me to not suffer alone. I've had people judge me, and alot of belittlement, and undermining what I've been through. But those who actually care do stay. And that's beautiful and that's why this song is a masterpiece.

I can't wait to hear lover. But I'm also interested to see how I connect to it and incorporate it into my daily life.

💜💙💜💙💜💙💜💙💜💙💜💙💜

#taylorswift #lover #speaknow #red #1989 #reputation #fearless #debut #haunted #longlive #archer #YNTCD #ME! #lovestory #emotional #reflectivemood #taylornation

[raystart]

Telling Your Story

The first serious story I ever wrote was to impress a girl. We met one summer during college in a small town with a big lake. Over the course of our weeks together, she taught me how to sail. I bought her bags of gummy bears at the old-timey candy store on Main Street. And we went to the town’s biggest social event of the year, the semipro rodeo, followed by the postrodeo honky-tonk dance. Few things scare me more than a dance floor, and yet I kept up with her because I was smitten.  

When summer ended, we both went to back to our respective colleges, a thousand miles apart. I wondered how I could keep this good thing going, and I thought for all of about a minute before happening upon the best, most logical solution: I’d write her a book that relived our best moments from the summer. To make sure it didn’t feel too awkward, though, I’d change the names, alter some realities, and throw in as many one-liner jokes as I could come up with.

Months later, when every word was perfect, I sent her the resulting 100 pages, all nicely bound. A few days later, via a very polite AOL Instant Message conversation, she said she found the book charming. She added that in the interim she had found someone else, the man she would later marry.

The story, I guess, just wasn’t enough to bond us forever in love. Looking back, it’s easy to see why – the narrative lacked any sense of a plot, had poorly defined characters, and possessed no theme other than the great lengths to which a college-age male will go for young love.  

But on the bright side, I discovered that I loved telling stories, and that feeling eventually took me to New York City, where I’ve spent countless hours working through my earlier mistakes. As the editor of 99U, I now get to do what I love every day: track down, investigate, and spread the word about creative leaders who are mastering their crafts, building incredible careers, and shaping their industries.

We at 99U believe in a story’s ability to foster meaningful human connections so much that we published the piece “Why Every Artist Should Be a Great Storyteller.” Key among the reasons it explores are that stories serve as an organic means of marketing what you’re doing, provide additional ways to connect with an audience, and allow you to promote your work without feeling like a self-promoter. And whereas product pitches disrupt our lives and exasperate us, stories provide something of value and are enjoyable. If you tell your story right you can resonate with your audience over the long run, rather than gamble on a short-term hard sell of whatever you’re trying to move this product cycle.

Here’s a five-step guide for how to build and develop a compelling narrative. It uses 99U articles as examples, so readers can see how an editorial property evaluates ideas, decides which ones get published, and why. Granted, there is no one-size-fits-all way to tell your story, so this is intended to serve as a blueprint that can be adapted to your medium, whether it is text-based or visually driven, a 60-second bio pitch to a new client or a six-month social media campaign that showcases the creative process behind your latest project –  or even a 100-page love story, if you’re feeling particularly ambitious.

Step 1: Find your story by identifying your unique spin on a universal theme

The hardest part of telling your story can be getting started, which is ironic, because if you’re the main character in your story, or championing a brand, you should theoretically know everything there is to say about it by heart. But the reality is that when we’re drivers of a story, we sometimes barrel down the road with blinders on – all we’re focused on is what’s ahead, when we also need to see the larger themes at play around us.  

If you’re having trouble nailing down your narrative, you’ll appreciate the tale of Texas sign painter Norma Jeanne Maloney. Her story wasn’t initially obvious to us. We were intrigued by the words that described her – “Texas sign painter” – but it was hardly enough to warrant a 2,500-word feature. So we looked more closely at her life in an attempt to uncover what we could about someone who has never led a global branding campaign and is not widely known outside of her community.

  Norma Jeanne Maloney outside of her Texas studio.

Here’s what we saw: For the past 25 years Maloney has hopscotched around the country, from San Francisco to more affordable Nashville (where she painted honky-tonk bar signs) to affordable-turned-gentrified Austin to sleepy, and way more affordable, Taylor, Texas, in pursuit of one thing – painting colorful signs by hand for the likes of BBQ joints, butcher shops, and tattoo parlors. Hell, she even drove a meat truck for two years to fill her coffers during a work slump.

Today, out on the sun-punched Texas plains, Maloney puts on her cowboy hat and works from dawn to dusk, “like a farmer,” in a 117-year-old mint-green building that resembles an Old West saloon. Her rent is relatively low, giving her the financial freedom to create on her own terms.

The more we learned about Maloney, the more we got behind her story, because in it we saw a familiar, compelling theme: Here is someone who has spent nearly half her life doing whatever it took to do what she loves. Yes! So even if we’re not sign painters ourselves, we can still relate in some way to Maloney. That theme, then, became the frame to our story, and we could use it as our opening to illuminate Maloney’s unique cross-country journey within it.

Making sacrifices to live the creative life might be the theme of your story, too. Or it may not be. Begin by outlining other universal themes – like the underdog story or the coming-of-age story – to find the one that best fits your journey. Then sketch out the details that paint your character portrait using as many bits of real-life flavor as you can come up with: hand-painted signs! From sunup to sundown! The meat truck! Once you’ve done this, you’ve established who you are and where you’re going: the start of your story.

Step 2: Take us on an adventure

Stories need motion. They need action. They need someone going on an adventure, whether that’s a physical trek or an introspective, reflective one. Better yet, stories should have both, because your goal is to add as many memorable wrinkles to the narrative as you can in order to differentiate your tale from every other one in the marketplace that follows a similar theme.

Take a scenario we at 99U get pitched a lot: that of a young artist who moves to New York City with nothing but a suitcase and a dream to put their artistic stamp on something. While that’s a relatively uncommon journey in the U.S., it’s typical among the creative set. So how did we pick the one we published over the rest?

We decided to feature Nigerian artist Laolu Senbanjo because his physical journey was so great. He grew up in a family where the males, for generations, had become lawyers because that was considered a respectable job. Senbajo initially went that route himself, but then quit and opened an art gallery in Nigeria. His father was so disheartened by Senbanjo’s artistic pursuit that he once drove Senbanjo around their city’s slums, telling him that if he kept this up, he’d end up there too. But Senbajo kept at his art, and received a visa to the United States.

Laolu Senbanjo.

That’s a good start to Senbanjo’s story, differentiating his journey from those of others who had parental support and traveled a much shorter difference to New York. But there are other strivers who come from humble beginnings and travel long distances, so how could Senbanjo separate himself from that pack? Well, a few years after he arrived in New York City, he got the job of a lifetime: painting Beyoncé’s face with his Afromysterics designs for her music video Lemonade. That led to work with Nike, the Grammy Museum, and the Smithsonian Institution, among others. Not bad! It was only then that Senbanjo’s father came around to his son’s pursuits. “We are your parents and you taught us something about art and being an artist,” he told Senbanjo.  

By the time we reach the end of Senbanjo’s interview, we’ve gotten to know him on multiple levels, both inside and out, and each move he made differentiated him more and more from other New York City dreamer stories. In the process, his multiple thematic adventures have given the audience more strands of his narrative to connect with.

The fact that Senbanjo’s story has Beyoncé in it certainly helps, but if you’re like the rest of us and your story is missing Queen Bey, look for stories within a story – say, a father-and-son career-tension story happening within a young dreamer’s journey story – and start weaving them together to give your narrative a unique texture and richness that allows it to stand apart, and stand on its own. 

Step 3: Reveal your struggles

Conflict. No good story is complete without it. That means you have to share tough moments – even moments when you failed. This is tough for everyone. The objective, though, is not to relive memories you’d rather forget; it’s for you to provide another avenue for your audience to connect with you. Think of an aspiring Olympian who misses the Olympics one year, then sacrifices for four more years before trying again. It’s human nature to want to cheer for them, even if we don’t know them personally. That’s not because they’re athletically superior to 99.9% of the population – it’s because they have missed out on achieving a big goal, just like the rest of us. A struggle shows that you’re human, and it gives you a chance to display what you’re made of.  

This helps explain why our readers connected with master woodworker Mira Nakashima. She let us in on those moments that hurt. It was Mira’s father George, one of the most respected woodworkers in the U.S., who decided that Mira would follow in his footsteps and make chairs, tables, and other furniture pieces at the family’s rural Pennsylvania studio. George often made important decisions for Mira, including where she would attend college (Harvard), what she would study (architecture), and whom she would apprentice under (him).

Mira Nakashima.

Flawless execution on the part of Mira was the expectation. But no matter how hard she worked, it was never enough. “I don’t ever remember being praised for being successful while I was working for him,” said Mira. It was this moment of the story that really sold us on publishing this piece. Imagine if your boss never complimented you on your work. Now imagine if that person was your father. How do you come back from that?

Mira, naturally, is feeling low as a result. But the audience hasn’t deserted her. Instead, they empathize with her – it’s the circumstances around her that are driving the conflict, and she’s doing her best to endure them – and are waiting to see how will she respond.

George passed away in 1990, and Mira finally takes over the shop. She knows she must move forward and evolve. She does, leading the Nakashima Studio into one of the most impressive chapters of its history. If Mira had been born into a renowned family, enjoyed success working for her dad, and then taken over a thriving business, that would have been a nice albeit standard narrative. But stories need to be more provocative – they need to push people out of their comfort zones. That gives Mira a chance to show the audience her human spirit and fortitude – just like an Olympian – making her someone we want to cheer for, both at her low and in the end.

Remember: Showing your vulnerability isn’t a sign of weakness. It shows you’re real, and that gives your audience another way to relate to you. 

Step 4: Add literary spice to jazz it up   

This is the fun part of the storytelling process, the place where you must inject your own personality and character to further make the narrative your own. The key is to add details in spots where they can make the biggest impact, in particular those moments that are out of the ordinary or when you are introducing a particular character or scenario. Once you identify those moments, see how many of the five senses you can engage to capture and hold on to the audience’s attention. Your goal is to show your audience what is happening, not tell them, as your aim is to depict a scene that allows the reader to process it on their own terms and reach their own conclusions. The more you can show them, the more real the scene becomes. 

The opening paragraph is particularly important and often the most challenging. You have a few sentences to make readers care about where this tale is going. I felt the pressure myself when I did a piece on Spanish artist Rubén Sánchez. He’s a rising star and a fascinating guy, but he is not yet a household name (strike one against the storyteller); plus, there are a lot of people out there who paint (strike two). So it was my responsibility to find a way to differentiate his story from that of every other painter the audience has encountered.

When Sanchez told me about the time he painted a six-story mural, it was clear that would become our starting point, as such opportunities don’t come along every day. Here is the result:

“Raised up six stories in the air by a rickety blue crane balancing on rocky, muddy ground, Rubén Sánchez tried to figure out what was the biggest challenge of spray painting this mural on the side of a concrete building in Russeifa, Jordan. Was it the blinding two-day sandstorm? The birds-eye elevation that felt magnified by the tight working conditions – Sánchez stood in a bucket large enough for just him, protected from falling overboard by two thin rebar wires. While dreadful, none of these matched Sánchez’s biggest problem – the bathroom was a long way down in the achingly slow crane that took forever to inch back to Earth.”

Rubén Sánchez.

My goal here was to describe an unsettling scene by drilling into the details. Sanchez wasn’t just in a crane bucket – he stood in one fenced in by metal threads. And I purposefully don’t describe what he is painting right away. That can come later, because how he is painting creates way more tension. The birds-eye elevation! The possibility of death! Forgive me for the bathroom humor, but sometimes you shouldn’t overlook the obvious, which can all too easily disappear in plain view. Hopefully, by the time the reader is done with this paragraph, they realize this guy isn’t like any other painter, and they can’t help but wonder what happens to him.

As you develop your style, your goal should be to say things in fresh ways. The sun shouldn’t be “hot” or “yellow.” Instead, how about “fiery” or “golden” or “bakes” or “blazes” – words that conjure up multiple images. And take us to unexpected places that shake us free of the usual stereotypes. If your main character is a painter, don’t have them painting a canvas if you can go with a crane and a sandstorm.  

Over time, these descriptors will become part of your literary spice kit, devices you can use to carve out your own voice and say things in a way unlike anyone else.  

Step 5: Teach us something we can benefit from   

Every story should have a moral, but what’s more, it should also have what we in media call “service tips.” These are pearls of wisdom you’ve shared throughout your tale that your readers can apply to their own crafts and careers. As the storyteller, this is your chance to show your value: You’re mining your own experience for insights others don’t have, and trading that information for the attention of an audience who could benefit from it. In other words, what do you know that the rest of us don’t?

When we did a piece on Bob Mankoff, the former cartoon editor of The New Yorker, we realized he had two stories in one. The first was a delightful human interest story, in that he’s spent the bulk of his career in an enviable job that sounds made up and just plain fun.

The second one to emerge was that this guy really knew something about how to generate winning ideas under tight deadlines. Each week Mankoff oversees a process where about 50 New Yorker cartoonists submit 10 cartoon pitches each for a handful of openings in the magazine. We wanted to mine him for his knowledge on the topic, so this story had the ability to reach multiple groups of people: cartoon junkies (a relatively small demographic) and people who need good ideas fast (essentially everyone).

Throughout the course of the piece, Mankoff let us in on three strategies he uses to come up with a good idea under pressure. The easiest way to get a good idea, he said, is to dream up a lot of ideas. A single idea is never enough, and it’s rarely good, he noted. And that is why he requests 10 cartoons per person – because nine out of 10 things in life don’t work out.

To get his creative juices flowing, Mankoff starts by putting together things that don’t normally go together – like heaven and an E-ZPass lane – and sees what happens. The juxtaposition gets his brain thinking What if? and serves as a jumping-off point. Even if the first few concepts aren’t mind-blowing, he is working his way toward something good in a way that’s far less fraught with pressure than staring at a blank page and hoping for a winning idea right off the bat.

Finally, we learn that a rejected idea doesn’t always mean it’s a bad idea that should be discarded. It simply means that it didn’t work this time. A number of New Yorker cartoonists keep unsold cartoons in their files and return to them again and again, refining the punch lines until one day they stick.

By the time our readers, the majority of whom are not professional cartoonists, are done hearing from Mankoff, they’re now in possession of proven strategies about how to generate new concepts when the odds are against them. Mankoff has delivered something of value in an entertaining, enlightening way. And providing value to your audience, something at the heart of any good story, makes what you say worth listening to.

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