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transdruid · 4 months

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How to Get Better at Tarot (and other divination)

If you often find yourself stumped with a reading, or you're just getting started and are totally lost, this post is for you! I'm using tarot as a base, but this guide will help you learn how to improve your reading skills of any divination. I'm basing the points in what I've struggled with in the past, as well as stumbling blocks I often see other people get stuck on.

Step One: Practice. You hate this advice, I know, but it is the only way to actually get better. You have to fuck up. You have to try again, that's just how the world works. Sorry. Getting good at anything, but especially something as amorphous as divination, takes years. I have been practicing tarot for nearly five years, for less than half that time have I felt the click of confidence. Tarot is an investment!

Okay. You get it. You have to practice, but how do you practice? What can you do to make your practice more beneficial? How do you get the most learning you can out of every reading? Let's dig in!

Use Smaller Spreads

Simplification is your friend. If you draw too many cards, it muddies the water. Think of your reading as a bowl of water, and each card you draw as a drop of color. If you add one drop of red, and one drop of blue, the answer comes through as a clear purple. But if you start adding more and more drops of every color you can think of, the colors get all mushy and gross. If you frequently find yourself drawing more than four or five cards for a spread, chill! Your don't need that many, I pinky promise. As you gain confidence, you can add more cards. The goal here is to get clear answers, and pulling twelve cards is not going to get you there. I recommend sticking to one, two, or three card readings. Remember that tarot decks typically have 78 cards; when you get up to ten or more cards, you're pulling a significant portion of the entire deck. No wonder it doesn't make sense!

Ask Better Questions

There are good questions to ask your cards, and less good ones. For a start, tarot is not good at yes/no questions. If you are expecting a yes/no answer, turn to something like a pendulum or a coin toss.

Okay so that one is a bit obvious. Let's dig a bit deeper. When you pull out your cards, take the time to sit and think about why. What do you want out of this reading? Think about what cards are in the deck; do any of them actually work to answer the question you have? For example, if you're doing a deity confirmation, simply asking "who are you?" and drawing a card isn't going to work very well. There isn't a card in there with "Dionysus" written across it, and there are infinite possible answers. Instead, think about what could point you in the direction you need. "What's your vibe?" works a bit better. Then we could get a card such as The Devil, to stand for the indulgence and physical delights of wine. If this were the first question (who are you?), your first instinct would be 'ohmygoditsthedevilhimself! This spirit must be evil!' Instead, you know that the vibe is about something maybe a bit mischievous (taboo, even), or someone that was cast as the devil somewhere in history. Combine that with something like the Three of Cups and it's practically a neon sign saying "Hey! My vibe is about having a good time! Let's drink and party!" which leads right to my homie Dionysus.

Question phrasing is important. When you go into google and type in "Tarot Spreads" you get a lot of junk that tries WAY too hard to sound super smart and spiritual. "What part of myself do I hide from observation out of fear and/or shame?" Can be boiled down to "What am I ashamed of?" When I started tarot, I got most of my spreads by googling "tarot spread for ---". This works, but I often found myself pulling the cards, looking at the questions, and realizing I didn't actually know what the question was asking. If you find yourself in the position, try boiling down the question to it's essential parts.

Align Your Expectations with Reality

This ties into the above step, but I feel it deserves its own section. Tarot and divination are a tool we use to gain understanding of ourselves and those around us. Tarot is good for this! Play to this strength. Tarot can be used for practically any question, but there are some things that work better than others. Start with the things tarot is best at, then branch out to the more challenging questions! Think about what the cards themselves are able to say.

You should also be careful to consider if you should even be asking this question with divination. I have strict rules in place for what types of readings I accept. I do not use my cards to read the future. The future is ever changing, with infinite possibilities. I prefer to just let it happen. I do not do readings about school or tests (you're at school to learn! Not be told!). I do not do readings about medical problems. Those should be asked of a doctor. Morally, mixing the spiritual with physical health is not acceptable. When you turn to divination, ask yourself if divination is really the best way to get what you need.

Do Not Doubt Your Card Draws

Okay. So you've now thought about what you want from the reading, you've picked your questions, and now, finally, it's time to pull some damn cards. You shuffle, you draw, you flip, and --- wait a second, that can't be right?! Why did I get that card for this question?! I must have shuffled wrong, or picked the wrong cards!

Nope! You didn't! (Trust!)

Look at the cards. Observe them. Open your guidebook (I swear to god you need to actually use your fucking guidebook do not try to go without it oh my god--) and read the entire entry for every card. Sit with them some more. What jumped out at you in the descriptions? Trust your instincts! Meditate on them. If you don't get it, don't fall into the trap of drawing additional clarification cards. Remember the first tip? More cards equal a muddier reading.

Fine, you say, but what if the cards are really weird? What if they make less than no sense actually for real? Write that shit down in your journal, and wait until it makes sense. I'm serious about this. Sometimes readings only make sense months down the line, and sometimes it's above your current skill level. Interpret it to the best of your ability, and check back in six months later. If you're super impatient, try reaching out to someone who's ability you trust and ask their opinion! Just don't be offended if they say no. Interpretation is a lot of work!

If you (like I used to) continuously struggle with doubt about how/where/when to draw, how much to shuffle, and if you picked the right cards and maybe you should just scrap it and start over... Stop yourself. Come up with a routine and rules for the draw! Tell your deck "okay, one more shuffle, then I'm pulling!" and do that. You gave your deck the notice it needs to get its shit together, trust it!

Do Not Take the Cards Literally

You've heard this one. Everyone says it. But what does it mean? How do you not take the cards literally?

Let's start with the example everyone knows.

XIII. Death

Whoa! You say, scary! Well, not really. Death indicates the ending of something, but not necessarily a life. Perhaps you're graduating school, and saying goodbye to that part of your life. Perhaps you're ready to move on from an outdated way of thinking. It depends on the context! Death is about cycles, about closing one door so you can open the next. This is really where the practice is going to set in.

Let's take a look at another one that tends to really ruffle peoples' feathers.

"Oh shit! It's XV. The Devil!"

Is Satan himself in the room with you right now?! Probably not. Does this mean something evil or bad is going to happen?! Is this a sign that everything is cursed?! Also no. I've seen plenty of people balk and backpedal as soon as The Devil turns up in a reading, but really they're balking at nothing. The Devil does not mean some evil spirit is trying to trick you. The Devil asks you to interrogate the taboos in your life and in the society around you. The Devil says "hey, wanna buy some Deathsticks?" Sometimes the answer is hell no, and sometimes it's "Fuck yeah Obi-wan wants to party!!!" Remember back a few sections ago, and I used The Devil as an indication of Dionysus? That's because Dionysus is the god of wine, of the party, the physical indulgences that society tells you are wrong.

Learning to Not Take The Cards Literally is hard, and takes practice. But that's why we gotta practice!

Be Not Afraid (of your guidebook)

The guidebook loves you. The guidebook wants to help you. The guidebook is there to guide you! Use it!! Too many readers place too much emphasis on doing readings without the guide, on being independent, and not using the "cheat sheet". Look into my eyes. That's bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit. Memorization is a completely different skill from interpretation. Memorizing will leave out the details, the little things you forgot (and unless you have a photographic memory, yes, you will forget things). Sometimes all I need for a reading to click is one word in the guide, something I wouldn't have thought of without reading the book. Every deck is different. That's why they give you the guide. Someone put so much effort into the design of the cards, into the meanings behind the art. When you skip the guidebook, you're ignoring all the hard work that went into it. Don't make that writers work go to waste. Don't make them sad :(

How To Make Your Interpretation Better

Okay. You're trying not to think literally, you've read the guidebook, now what? "Good" tarot readings are incredibly subjective, and everyone will have a slightly different metric. But this is my post so we're using my metric!

Good tarot readings give you more questions. Good tarot readings ask you to interrogate yourself, and look at the real and true answers. Good tarot readings make you learn about yourself and the world around you. Good tarot takes into account the symbolism of the cards and melds it with the words of the guide. So let's take a look at some symbolism.

The Ten of Sticks and the Seven of Sticks. Starting with the ten, what do we see? Some dude with some sticks. But wait -- he's holding all ten sticks by himself. His back is bent, his arms are full, and we can't see his face. The ten of sticks is about carrying burdens, about responsibility.

Now the seven. Some rando just holding a stick, right? Take a second glance. He holds the stick like a staff, a weapon, in a defensive position. He stands on a hill, and we see him fending off all the other sticks. The seven of sticks is about taking a stand for what you believe in, having the conviction to stand up on a hill and fight for it!

If you draw the ten of sticks, ask yourself if you're overburdened anywhere. Think about the responsibilities in your life, if they're enough, if they're too much. If you draw the seven, think about the things you believe in enough to climb that hill. Why do you believe those things so strongly? What drives you to the defensiveness behind your position?

Symbolism is another one of those skills that will simply come with practice and time! If you don't get it, don't beat yourself up. I highly recommend getting your hands on an app or book that breaks down both the meaning and symbolism of the cards for you to reference (Galaxy Tarot is my favorite).

Something else you can do to increase your understanding is to study readings other people do. I learned so much from watching my partner interpret readings (@knightofhylia <333). Look at the cards and the interpretation, can you follow along, or do you get lost? If you're lost, pinpoint what threw you off track and focus in. Pull the cards out of your own deck, lay them out, read the guide. Did you come to the same conclusions, or something completely different? Why? How? Which interpretation do you like more? Why do you like that one?

Divination will always be a highly personal experience. To know your cards is to know yourself. Tarot was not designed to be easy, it's an esoteric skill. By definition, the esoteric is difficult to understand and grasp to beginners and outsiders. The esoteric is supposed to leave you pondering, wondering, and asking more questions. With perseverance, you too can learn to understand the mysterious!

#Tarot #divination #tarot cards #cartomancy #card divination #beginner tarot #how to read tarot #tarot guidance

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khaire-traveler · 1 month

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share more silly experiences with the gods!!

Oh, Nonny, I have too many to count.

Below is a list. You asked for this.

So, there was that time (which I previously mentioned) where I punched myself in the face from sneezing too hard. I actually punched my glasses halfway across the room. XD This was in front of Ares, Dionysus, and Loki, and this was actually one of my first times meeting Ares and Dionysus lmao. I felt like Loki was definitely laughing at me.

Along with that, there was this one time I was doing a serious ritual with Athena, Ares, and Hermes. Apollo showed up, but I didn't recognize his energy at first, so I dubbed him "Pablo". I kept referring to him as Pablo throughout the ritual (couldn't check through divination at the time).

One time, I asked Hermes for help getting a cat (this was my very first request from him). I asked him to be clear if he was helping me or not by sending me a sign. I picked up my cat, and on the way home, I saw a sign I've never seen in my city before for HERMES. He literally sent me a sign. What can I say, Hermes delivers.

So, I once asked Hermes through divination if he thought I was cool. (I assume) Jokingly, he said no. This became an ongoing joke between us for the next two years. On the night of my 21st birthday, I asked if Hermes thought I was cool, and he finally said yes.

Also on my 21st birthday, my friend and I played Cards Against Humanity with our deities. We used a pendulum to tell which cards they were choosing and the like. Hermes and Apollo (and eventually Loki as well, rip) started messing with me by choosing several cards at once. Apollo started it, and Hermes later joined him.

Either last year or the year before, there was a period of one or two months that I made constant "your mom" jokes to Apollo. Sometimes I did this with Hermes and Loki as well. Lots of fun, highly recommend.

I have this thing with Loki and Hermes where I will "slugbug" them whenever a Voltz Beetle shows up. I'll be driving and suddenly be like, "Lord Hermes, Lord Loki, slugbug, no slug backs. You have been slugged, wherever you may be." Once, I missed my chance at a beetle that passed by, and I'm pretty sure they slugged me first. Do I have proof that they slugged me? No, only a gut feeling. XD

I once had a meditation where Dionysus taught me how to smoke a blunt. What's crazy is that it was actually accurate, and I had no clue how to smoke at that time. Some part of me believes that was actually him lmao.

That's all I can think of for now!

#anon asks #answered asks #for fun #deity worship

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that-ikea-alien-plush · 2 months

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me: does any of my deities wants some of those pepper chips?

pendulum: yes

me: Marzanna?

Marzanna: no

me: Bastet?

Bastet: no

me: Aphrodite?

Aphrodite: no thank you

me: Apollo?

Apollo: no

me: ... i should have known

Dionysus: you really should hahaha

me:

Dionysus: gimme those chips

#deity work #greek gods #pagan #paganism #witchcraft #aphrodite #aphrodite devotee #bastet #bastet devotee #apollo #apollo devotee #dionysus devotee #dionysus #marzanna #morana #slavic goddess

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helpolnix · 2 days

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How the gods “speak” to me.

For a while when I read posts about how people had full on conversations with their deities I was SEVERELY confused. It took me way too long to realize that for *some* people, they use different types of divination paired with clairaudience and other things. As a kid, I stuck to just tarot. But now, I finally understand what all these other people were getting at.

For me personally, I’m unfortunately not getting full on sentences. If I’m really lucky I’ll get 1-3 words that sometimes make sense. What I get the most is being able to “read the room,” so to speak. I recognize and am becoming more and more familiar with what Hermes feels like when I’m speaking to him and how to differentiate him from Dionysus. The one time I had them both in the room with me, my mind was a mess. I didn’t really get anything clear. It felt all muddled.

I wish I could get more than I do. I’m quite jealous of the fact that some are lucky enough to get a sentence or two. But then I remember there are people that can’t get anything at all, and you know that? That’s okay too. Because your gods are still with you even if you can’t feel them, or can’t hear them in your own way.

To give an example, if I were to summarize a conversation with Hermes, I may say he told me I need to work harder/I need to put more effort into xyz, and that yes, he did indeed send me on the path of reconnection with my former best friend. What that actually means is I asked with a pendulum if that’s what happened and I got a strong ass ‘yes’ swing lol. And then I pulled multiple cards that did indeed tell me that I need to do more. Or when I first contacted him, I got multiple cards that expressed enthusiasm and that it would be a fruitful relationship.

Or, something sillier like how my first offering went down.

Mind you, I’m still very new to all this. I’m trying my best while also trying to maybe help other people not feel too afraid about unknowingly fucking up.

So, I’m sitting down at my kitchen table. I have some homemade bread on a plate with a slightly fancier glass holding some homemade pudding in the other. I very awkwardly pray aloud to Hermes after lighting a candle, telling him about the offering. Just a simple thanks for being so patient with me.

The energy in the room immediately brightened, and that’s when I almost jumped at how clearly I felt his pleasure at the small gesture. (Even heard an “ooh!”) After some time had passed, I personally eat the offerings I give due to my circumstances. I thank him before eating.

Somehow, somehowwwww, that piece of bread and pudding treat was the most filling thing I had eaten in ages. I have a very very big appetite. Any other time I’ve had something of that portion size, it’d take a lot more eating to keep me full lol. That’s been my experience since with offerings I eat since.

So that also goes to prove offerings really don’t need to be grand. I honestly just really enjoy cooking, and the idea of making something small he may enjoy perks up my day.

I need to make more bread.

#homemade bread ftw #greek deities #deity work #deity worship #hellenic polytheism #hermes deity #deity dionysus #helpol

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cordeliahrose · 1 year

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Reaching Out To A New Deity

I've recently decided to reach out to Dionysus, who I've not worked with before, and it inspired me to write this post.

Reaching out to a new deity can be a little scary. Especially if you've never worked with a deity before. Many people get stuck on what the best way to reach out is, what the best offering is, whether they've done enough research or not, and even whether or not the deity will want to work with them.

So, here is a little bit of a guide on reaching out to a deity. I would like to specify here that this is the way I personally do it, and it is definitely not the only way. This post was also written in the moment, so it might be formatted differently than my planned and edited posts.

What do I do first?

The first thing you should do, before even reaching out to a deity, is research. Now, I don't mean go overboard, there's always time for learning more. But before reaching out, you should have a good idea of who the deity in question is.

For me, this is usually creating a sort of master page on them in a notebook. I write down their most popular myths, what they're the deity of, their epithets or titles, associations, offerings, and devotional acts. This usually starts out with pretty short lists, and as I start working with them I add more on.

So what next?

Next is planning. By now, you should have a decent idea of who the deity is, and can start planning how you'll reach out. What offerings will you give? What will you say? Will there be a candle?

I like to make first contacts formal. This typically means lighting a candle, giving a pretty elaborate offering, some type of music or ambient sound that's associated with them, I cleanse myself and the space and myself beforehand. I am only this formal for the initial introduction unless I know the deity in question prefers me to be more formal with them.

The process I use:

First, cleanse the space you're in, as well as yourself. Ground yourself, and take some deep breaths.

Light the candle, and invite the deity in. Set out your offerings, and let them know that it's for them.

Introduce yourself. Tell them your name, some things about you, why you want to work with them or why you reached out. Whatever feels right.

Sit like this for a while. Acknowledge the things you feel, hear, and smell. When you're ready to end the interaction, thank them and put the candle out.

How do you know if they want to work with you?

This depends on you, and also the approach you're taking.

The Approach

If you just want to work with them, towards a goal of some sort, you might ask them if they'd like to work with you after your introduction. In this case you would also state what you wish to work on or towards with them.

If you want to honor them, but not work with them, then asking at all isn't necessary. You're just honoring them, not asking for things from them.

There's also the approach I take. Most of the time, when I reach out to a deity, it's with the intention of working with them after I've built a bond with them through honoring them. So, I don't ask at all. The only exception to this has been Lucifer, who is the only deity I've reached out with that I work with but don't honor outside of that. Yet, anyway.

Knowing

There are many ways to understand if a deity wants to work with you.

Use divination when asking them. The simplest would be a yes or no form of divination, such as a pendulum or coin flip.

You can ask for a sign and pay attention for the next few days. This includes dreams as well. You could also ask for a specific sign.

You might also just feel the answer in the moment. Or even hear it in your head. This is way more common in people who have been working on their psychic senses.

#paganism #paganblr #pagan polytheism #polytheism #pagans of tumblr #witchblr #witchcraft tips #witches of tumblr #deity work #pagan tips #deity work 101

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the-witchs-den · 2 years

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reblog if your blog is:

hellenistic pagan

apollo worship

dionysus worship

nyx worship

witchcraft

tarot

pendulum

spirit work

herbs

folk magick

greek mythology

i need more blogs to follow and potentially new witchy friends so uh…. yeah 🌸

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yourwitchybrother · 2 days

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My Practice

Let's start with a quick rundown.

By traditional terms, I would be classified as an Eclectic Witch. For those who don't know what eclecticism is, it's essentially when you don't quite stick to one practice and mesh together and mold your own. I work in whatever **open** pantheons I please, I practice all sorts of witchcraft, mostly divination, and I research kind of everything. The basis of my (and most) practice is research.

Most of my experience in the field of witchcraft has been research and subtle magic. I like sigils, I like tarot, I like pendulum reading, dream work, shadow work, and the occasional jinx here and there. I've dabbled a little bit into demonology, the Celtic pantheon with Loki and Ođin, and the Angelic realms here and there over the years. So I think it's fair to say I'm a jack of some trades.

Most of my practice is rooted in the Hellenic pantheon, however. I am an avid worshipper and devotee of Apollo. I've been godspoused to him for about a year now, and he is my patron deity. The rest of my "divine team" consists mainly of Neptune (Of Roman Mythology), Dionysus, Hekate, Aphrodite (or Venus? Haven't figured that one out), and recently Hermes / Mercury has been making his way into my little tight-knit circle of Divine presence.

As you can see, I'm not very good at differentiating the two pantheons. I only learned that Neptune was so present in my life while abroad in Italy, on a day trip to Bologna, and I only found out about the presence of Hermes / Mercury whilst roaming the Ufizzi in Florence with a friend.

I'm also a veiling witch! I choose to wear head coverings, though I haven't in a while because I started getting weird stares and looks while abroad. But now that I'm back in the States, I plan on getting back into veiling when I'm out and about. My favorite veil is shown just below, I embroidered a sigil into it :)

Another thing to know is that it took me some time to find my path. You probably won't find your path with the first branch of magic you practice, and that's okay! And if you do, more power to you! That's awesome! But don't limit yourself to just one branch, dip your toes into other open practices too!

That's all I have to say right now -- Expect more like this in the future, though! I'm open to answering any questions in the reblogs or submitted to me on my page. Blessed be, may the sun be your guide! A domani!

#apollo deity #apollo devotee #hellenic pagan #paganism #eclectic witch #paganblr #witchblr #yourwitchybrother #i cant wait until i start posting about apollo #love that guy

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rockyracetrack · 2 years

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Making designs for deities, entities, and mythological figures that are a part of my practice as a Pagan

🧵Lady Ariadne, Princess of Crete 🧵

My design for Lady Ariadne was created using divination and my extremely limited knowledge of ancient Minoan culture, which I need to set aside some time to learn more about. I was unable to do further research while working on this like I had wanted to, cuz the reconnection of our internet was delayed another day, so for color palette I used divination and pulled some inspiration from the portrait of her in the game Hades, as I remember her being fond of it. This process ended up mostly just being a lot of trial and error of me sketching and then using my pendulum to ask if she was content with it.

I think this design is an improvement upon my previous design for her, which I made in my sketchbook back in like April using the same process, but was less thorough since it wasn't digital. And it is CERTAINLY an improvement upon that time I drew her with Dionysus back in December, which is still floating around here on Tumblr somewhere. No research or heavy thought went into her design for that piece, and while it was cute, it was wildly inaccurate.

Ariadne and I met through that piece, I had felt a presence watching me while I drew that was not Dionysus and she's been around ever since. During my beginner research of Dionysus, I had spent a long time learning about her and their relationship, and was always talking about my findings to my friend. I was always trying to portray them as a partnership and include her when I would draw or talk about him, and I guess that must have intrigued her.

Most of our bonding has been through art and us having divination sessions like this where I try to learn how to better portray her, which she always seems happy to do. Her energy is always a pleasant one to be around and I feel very lucky to have her in my practice.

#ariadne #greek mythology #pagan #paganism #hellenic polytheistic #hellenic pagan #ariadne and dionysus #digital art #artists on tumblr #devotional art

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themodernwitchsguide · 9 months

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🦇 welcome to my page! 🦇

name: ryan/rhea/orion

pronouns: they/them

astrology: aries sun capricorn moon gemini rising

specialties: osteomancy, geomancy, tarot, pendulums, runes and deity work

current altars: hades, persephone, hermes, diana, apollo, hekate, aphrodite, dionysus, the morrigan, freyja, bastet, and anubis

future altar(s): isis-sopdet

you may notice that i have an odd arrangement of gods from several different cultures, and that's because i worship all pantheons! even monotheistic religions have tooth in my eyes, although i dont personally worship them in my practice

for this reason i do not consider myself wicca, instead preferring the term pagan or polytheist. it just works better for me :D

my goal with this account is to essentially create a digital copy of the contents of my book of shadows, not just for me but for anyone else out there that might benefit!

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quakearts · 6 months

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Deity work

Getting started with deity work was odd for me. I had a lot of doubts and whatnot. (The fallout from being raised Catholic)

What I personally started out with was a small altar. I did research on Anubis, (he was my first deity) and looked up things that he liked. I also used my pendulum to figure out what songs he'd like on a playlist I made for him. All was going smoothly. My main method of communication with him was tarot.

Now fast forward to the end of last year. I was doing a little meditating, really trying to develop my intuition and abilities and whatnot and BAM I hear a voice in my head. It was different from my normal inner dialogue. Come to find out, I developed clairaudience, and I could hear when he spoke to me. This admittedly made things a lot easier.

A few more deities came my way and whatnot but I digress.

There are many different ways to start deity work, I just would personally recommend getting protective spells, sigils, or charms down first just in case.

Ways you can start

-Small altar. (Tealights work for candles, you don't have to start out going all out)

-Praying and meditating. Start telling them about your day or something. Ask if they have any ideas and use your preferred method of communication (clairaudience, tarot, runes, pendulum, etc.)

-Do devotional acts. (If you're an artist like me, you can doodle or sculpt or paint your deities) You can do your makeup routine in honor of Aphrodite, pay your respects to the deceased for Hades or Anubis, crochet/knit for Athena, play some games or travel for Hermes (I have a playlist for him too that I play in the car.), learn or play an Instrument for Apollo, drink some wine or watch a play/musical/stage show for Dionysus, etc.

-just have them in your minds. From my experience, the gods know and understand that you're working with what you have. If you don't have enough spoons to do stuff today then try again tomorrow. There's no one right way to start out with deity work

Stay safe, stay protected, stay magickal 👉👉

#pagan witch #witchcraft #deity work #eclectic witch #pagan #paganism

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travelingthief · 1 year

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My Favorite Moment with: Lord Dionysus

Lord Dionysus was one of the first deities to reach out to me. I had put up a small altar for Him, but He is a god that demands attention that I was not ready to give, so He left until I was ready for Him. That time came mid 2021.

I had recently taken over my mother’s lease on a one bedroom apartment so she could move South to fulfill the purpose Her God had for her. She was to work at a sobriety house for women struggling with addiction - a battle my mother knew all to well. For nearly a decade, my mother was a drug user and functional alcoholic. She hid it well - except from my brother who she shared her supply with - but when I was 15 she started to change. She found herself in the pews of a non-demonoationional church that offered her a way out. Our relationship, which was not build on a solid foundation, began to change. I had come out to her as trans nearly two years prior, and she was accepting. I was allowed to transition socially and when I was a month away from 16, I began my medical transition. Drastic change didn’t happen until she started attending a Pentecostal church that told her parents of queer children were failures. She told me this teaching, laughing it off as a ridiulous extremist belief, but continued to go to the church. Over time, she began to internalize some of those teachings and she hadn’t been particularly supportive of my transition since.

I had purged my new apartment of any Jesus related items she left behind and put up my own decor. I had been having a tugging feeling toward Dionysus in recent days so one night I stood in my kitchen and connected my phone to the speaker. I found an old song I hadn’t heard since high school and pressed play. I took down the bottle of cheap moscato my mother had left behind (a secret I was to not tell the church) and sipped it - a day or two passed freshness. I began to dance and sing along, bottle in hand.

I’m feeling devious/you’re looking glamorous

Let’s get michevious/and polyamourous

I felt Lord Dionysus join me as I twirled around the small kitchen, laughing and singing loudly. My body tingled and I had the realization - this song was on peoples’ devotional playlists. I was not the only one who heard it and felt a connection to the Divine. I became giddy with glee as I rejoiced in the connection I felt with my community. On the final beat, I took a large swig of the wine, thanking Lord Dionysus for His presence.

I hadn’t queued up the next song; it had automatically played based on my listening habits. I had heard “Rock n Roll Suicide” by David Bowie only a handful of times - enough to recgonize the melody and hum along. I cradled my bottle as the excitement from the last song faded and was replaced by Bowie’s melancholy message. I began to look around my apartment and see it from my mother’s eyes.

She would hate that. I thought, looking at a sign with the Devil and Grim Reaper stirring a pot of coffee. And that. I turned to see my Halloween decor. I sipped the wine and hummed. You’re a rock ‘n’ roll suicide. I picked up a Ninja Turtle action figure - one of the only relics I had left of my baby brother. She’d like this. I thought. Because my mother doesn’t hate me but I’m not sure I’d call it love.

Then I turned to see the bookshelf filled with My faith. She would hate that. This wasn’t just the tarot cards I had when I was 16 that she pretended to not see. This was pendulums and rune stones, painted skulls and half a dozen oracle decks. This was altars and grimoires, this was me.

And she would hate it.

And I thought of every moment she pretended I didn't exist and every disapproving remark she gave and every high horse she rode when spitting on other faiths and how the core parts of my identity were the ones she resented the most.

And Bowie screamed,

You’re not alone

And I fell to my knees

and wept.

And Dionysus was there to pick me back up when it was over and remind me that I am wonderful, and that people are with me in faith. This was the first time I had truly felt “Rock ‘n’ Roll Suicide” and I haven’t been the same since. I still tear up everytime I hear that song, and in all honesty I’m tearing up writing this.

And that is my favorite moment with Lord Dionysus.

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