#do you feel like you are predominantly treated as a trans woman in your day to day? does that hurt the part of you that is agender? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

soulren · 11 months

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Go spend some time on male pattern baldness or male(AMAB) balding forums/subreddits and such. I did after realizing it is happening to me and the ammount of people who truly don't realize how BRUTALLY it tanks people's confidence and mental health is insane.

There's no cure to baldness by the way, and it can start at any time and there's no way to predict how fast or slow it will go. The only real working option is a daily pill that usually just halts it, but it can stop working or just slow it down or cause major side effects. To regrow you have to use a daily topical solution, or use a roller to wound your scalp. None of these are surefire by the way, and if you stop them you'll just lose your hair and whatever you regained. It's a daily involved thing that might not work and often at best just retains. The best drug, the one that occasionaly gives regrowth, also causes shedding at the start, and can have side effects from growing breasts to brain fog to EDsyfunction(sorry, censoring cause tumblr). Now, those are INCREDIBLY rare and almost never happen but it weighs heavily on the mind of those already spiraling.

But that's just background. What I'm here to talk about is the pure woe you'll see on those forums. People speak as though their lives are over, as though they've lost every chance of finding a woman(predominantly, there's a running idea in such places that women don't like bald men or like them less) or doing anything. You can read countless stories of people who describe that they no longer go outside, are now filled with anxiety and self-hate, have gone from extroverted to never showing their face. And some of these people are kids who lost their hair in high school or even before, or are holding as best they can to a very receded hairline and feel like there is nothing they can do.

And then there's something touched upon far less in those communities, but is important to bring up here; baldness and masculinity. There's the horror of knowing so much of society sees a bald guy as a very masculine guy, at seeing that the best advice for being hot and bald is "grow and beard and big muscles bro". Imagine now you're AMAB balding and nonbinary, or a trans woman who doesn't want to be on hormones.

Just genuinely take the time to look at those forums no matter who you are. Understand what these people go through, what I am currently going through. It is soul-crushing, spiraling, brutal. I have the dream of one day being like Brennan Lee Mulligan or Matt Mercer and starting to lose my hair made me feel like I could never. I felt like and still feel like I would have to be masculine, have to be a bro-y dude, have to look older than I was(I'm fuckin 22). It was the feeling that I could never dress feminine again, never present as a woman when I wanted to again, that I'd always be viewed as a bald guy before anything else.

This is an incredibly vulnerable post for me, and I hope it reaches you all as well in a kind and understanding mood. There's a tendency online for people to joke about baldness, to make fun of it, to treat it as a playfull silly thing but it fucking ruins lives, and it shouldn't. It happens to half the population's sort of bodies and very often. It should just be a neutral thing. You don't need long hair to be feminine, you don't need hair to be feminine. You don't need hair for anything. I guess I'm just saying in general that everyone should be kinder about balding, more understanding, and view it with as much import as they'd view the pixels between this sentence and the next. None at all, I mean.

And for those like me, very feminine guys who wanna keep that and don't want a beard and are terrified of balding, here's some names and I do hope others that see this will add more; Mr. Bruce (also in The Correspondents(band) Alex Ward in LA By Night Jason Carl in LA By Night Cecil Baldwin of Welcome To Night Vale Bob The Drag Queen RuPaul(in looks alone, I know about the whole fracking stuff but this post is about looks) tananasho on instagram Also your mannerisms and style of dress will convey femininity far more than your hair. Yea sure a front-on neutral shot of you may not and maybe you need makeup and stuff, and hell maybe a lot of people might reject you more but it'll just filter down to the people for you.

And to all you artists and writers and creatives; make more bald characters. Try it out. Feminine ones, masculine ones, all sorts. None of the copout nonhuman sort, just dudes and girls and mates and individuals who are all sorts of things and also bald. It might make a few of the people going through the various vortexes of pain that balding causes feel a bit better.

And to those noticing I did not adress female hair loss much here, that was intentional. I am AMAB and currently a nonbinary guy who goes by any pronouns but often likes to present as fem. I learned I was possibly losing my hair and lost two months of my life, no work or going or anything, to male hair loss forums and research and spiraling. Checking my hair twenty times a day, unable to sleep, unable to eat, unable to think. And my situation was NOT unique, but it also did not give me any experience or understanding of female hair loss and what AFAB people may go through with that, so I don't feel knowledgeable enough to speak on it. Also living with baldness WILL get easier and you will find something that works for it, by virtue of simply living with it. Things get easier with time.

#bald #balding #hair loss #hair #hair care #minoxidil #dermaroller #baldness #bald and feminine #bald fem #using a lot of tags due to this being triggering for many and cause I want it to be seen #and because I want those who went through what I did to be able to find it #mpb #androgen alopecia #also I know this post is long but I'm not sorry cause it's important. If even one person has a bit less stress then that's good.#feminine bald man

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pbscore · 2 years

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Mmm 🤔 I genuinely think another big reason that trans men and transmascs are holding onto the idea of ‘transandrophobia’ is because a good portion of them, including myself, grew up on this website where the early days of the trans community pretty much coddled and served us, all the time. And then, when many of us actually started to transition (be it socially and/or physically), it was a wake up call that reminded many of us that being read as a man by society means that your are going to be treated differently than how you were previously.

Like, this whole situation is just a giant example of ‘social amnesia’ because anyone who was on tumblr in the early days knows exactly what I’m talking about. There were hundreds upon hundreds of posts made specifically for afab trans/nonbinary people. There was constant encouragement for trans men to express themselves however they wanted to, especially if they presented in a stereotypically feminine way. There were whole ‘passing’ guides made predominantly for trans men and transmasculine people and rarely anything for trans women and transfems.

So to me, this whole ‘transandrophobia’ thing reads like a giant temper tantrum being thrown by grown ass people who cannot fathom that they are no longer those ‘uwu little soft boys’ from the early tumblr days of their own youth and that they actually have to be accountable for their behavior towards other people now that they are being read as adults/adult men. Particularly, towards women (trans women are obviously included when I say this but I’m just putting this here so there is no confusion).

Like, seeing some of them say such out of pocket stuff like ‘uwu I lost the privilege of having women as friends and being able to see myself as a victim and it feels so isolating being a man uwu’ just tells me how little they actually understand the ways in which systems of power and oppression work AND that they’re making their personal relationships with women out to be completely one-sided while suspiciously not ever considering their own behavior towards those women 🤔.

It’s never as simple as ‘women have it easy because they can become friends with each other and can see themselves as victims because of female socialization (which is literally a TERF term that blatantly supports bioessentialism…why are y’all using it???)’ Did y’all seriously forget that racism still exists for women of color? Did y’all seriously forget that many minority men will still have access to conditional privileges, as long as they can demonstrate ‘manhood’ in an acceptable way (which many of them do, so it ends up leading to serious misogyny in their own communities)?

And it’s really irking me to see not just some black trans men and transmascs feeding into this racist, MRA shit but to also see non black trans men/transmascs using issues specifically pertaining to anti-blackness (ex ‘masculine black people are seen as aggressive so therefore, it’s androphobia uwu’) to try to support their flimsy arguments and it’s genuinely infuriating. Even more specifically, it is white trans men and transmascs doing this while (ironically) denying transmasc poc their identities when we speak up against them. You are taking the context of anti-blackness away from those specific issues and trying to re-contextualize it to conveniently fit your ideas and it is incredibly harmful.

Victimhood has never been a ‘privilege’ for any women, except for cis white women (and even then, there can be limitations), so the fact that so many of these transandrophobia truthers see ‘womanhood’ as synonymous with ‘victimhood’ just tells me that they do not have enough nuance or even respect for what any women, especially women of color, have been through. Ask any woman outside of the US or Canada or the UK about their experiences existing as women. Hell, ask any woman here in the US how they’re feeling considering the insane amount of anti-trans AND anti-abortion laws that have been cropping up. Cis women, trans women, transfems, and afab nonbinary folks are all witnessing the same injustices of bodily autonomy as trans men and transmascs, yet this realization isn’t really hitting home to them.

They’re basing this entire ‘movement’ off of personal experiences where they are treated like the men they are, told to take some level of accountability for their behavior (which their tumblr addled brains aren’t used to), and then claiming that there’s some sinister ‘attack’ on masculinity when it’s far more complex than that. Femininity is in no way ‘rewarded’ as much as y’all claim it is, even in queer spaces.

Both femininity and masculinity can be rewarded and punished, in various ways, that are not going to be easy to understand at first glance. There are people who, when performing either of these things in the ‘acceptable’ way to a cisheteronormative society, will be rewarded the conditional privileges and acceptance that comes with it. And there are some people who will be punished for either not sticking to either of these or switching between them or mashing them together. However, there are many outside factors like race, sexuality, and culture that can also heavily influence who is more likely to be punished for these displays of rebellion than others.

I’m not sure how to end this but I do want to propose a question that more folks, regardless of gender, should start asking themselves before they start speaking on important social issues: is it really about you wanting to help the community or is it about you wanting to be noticed?

Because I’m gonna tell y’all this now…there is a world of difference between the two and you can’t have both, as much as tumblr will try to convince you that you can. If it’s just about you, then it can’t be about the community and if it’s about the community, then it can’t just be about you.

NOTE: if you’re not going to be nuanced or relatively understanding of the power dynamics I’m referring to in this post, don’t interact. I’m not about to argue with anyone.

#long post #i’m just stating my own opinion here so don’t think i’m not considering nuance either #if you want to have a constructive conversation about this topic I’m all for it but the moment you try to bring in some MRA ‘woe is me’ crap #i’m gonna call it like it is and end the conversation because the whole idea of ‘hating men’ is more of an online phenomena than it is irl #y’all just don’t go outside and stay online far too often and allow those opinions to fester in your mind until you’ve made up a strawman #of a group of ‘evil women’ who are hellbent on eradicating men when that’s like…a very small portion of women who are TERFs and we don’t #take any of their bullshit seriously especially when the same ideology they spew that may hurt men…comes back to hurt everyone #trans issues #lgbt #trans #if you’re not going to be nuanced about your response then don’t bother interacting #if you clown on this post i’m blocking you with no damn regrets #pbscore #feminism #intersectional feminism #transmasc #transfem #racism #antiblackness #transgender #trans men #transandrophobia #transmisandry

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rittz · 4 years

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thoughts about being trans, idk where else to put them so here u go

it’s not like i don’t have trans guy friends to talk to about this, it’s just usually in the form of jokes or passing comments rather than an actually serious conversation. also, the transmasc people that i’m closest to identify more with the label “nonbinary” than i do-- it’s not like they couldn’t understand or relate to things i’m saying, but i’m just assuming that they probably don’t feel the exact same way i do

anyway, as a trans person we get often asked “so why do you feel like a [gender]?”, and the answer is usually some variation of “i just feel like it”. this is the most accurate but also vaguest possible answer, so i kinda wanted to break down my personal answer to that question?

basically, i identify as a man because i identify with men. in a general and also personal sense. gender stereotypes are something that trans people by necessity both embrace and reject. i relate to gender stereotypes about men more than those of women-- i’m less outwardly emotional, i like being handy, i don’t like kids, i have questionable personal hygiene, etc-- but obviously these things alone don’t make someone a man. however... you can’t deny that there is some general truth about behavioral differences between men and women (bc of society, not biology). men and women both experience different problems in the world, and each have trouble understanding the experiences and problems of the other. generally, i can relate to the experiences and problems of men more than those of women, even if it seems like i shouldn’t (for example, i am not afraid of walking alone at night, even though i am very tiny).

i, from a young age, have had a constant yearning for more male friends. i would occasionally choose to play video games as a male character. i was upset that i couldn’t be in boy scouts. i have been jealous of my younger brothers being treated by my parents the ways i wished i was treated. when i imagined myself older, i pictured myself less like my mom and more like my dad. when i’m around men, i want them to treat me like one of them. i want to be seen as a man.

and i think that’s what being trans really boils down to. wanting to be seen as someone other than how everyone sees you. wanting what you see on the outside to match how you feel on the inside. this obviously extends to nonbinary individuals, who face their own struggle when it comes to presentation. but at the end of the day, i think that presentation is equally important to gender identity as internal feelings. i mean, i think we’re all familiar with the research proving that transitioning makes trans people happier. surgery is an invasive, expensive, painful process that i DON’T think is necessary for every trans person, and HRT isn’t always easy to get. but changing a name, getting a new haircut, dressing differently, binding, etc. counts as transitioning. you don’t have to hate your body to be trans, but wanting to alter it in order to better connect your internal identity with your presentation, i think is necessary in order to consider yourself to be trans.

i will admit i am confused by “GNC trans men” i see on tumblr and insta, who use he/him pronouns but exclusively present femininely. i’m not talking about trans guys who don’t yet pass, i mean trans guys who don’t want to. i don’t harbor any ill will, i’m just confused. if i understand being trans to mean “wanting what you see on the outside to match how you feel on the inside”, you can see how. doesn’t that make you feel dysphoric? don’t you want people who see you to read you as male? how is your life different from when you didn’t identify as male but presented the same way? this isn’t me trying to gatekeep on who’s “trans enough”, and especially when it comes to nonbinary identities it’s arbitrary to harp on presentation like this. but like, what’s going on here?

taking a turn here that will come back around, an extremely key component to why i identify as and with men is my sexuality. i have always idolized, envied, and evoked various queer icons from media and real life. the hunky, grunting, macho, hetero version of “man” never appealed to me the way that the fashionable, artsy, flirty, homo version of “man” did. drag queens, my mom’s hairdresser, glam rock stars, i could go on. associating my more feminine qualities with GAY stereotypes instead of FEMALE stereotypes suddenly made more sense, and made me feel less dysphoric. it’s also something that took me a long time to realize, because i had surrounded myself with queers who were mostly attracted to women. transmascs and butch lesbians historically have a lot in common, but personally, i didn’t relate as much to lesbians as i did to drag queens. in dating and loving men, i developed my understanding of them. but my attraction to men was why it had taken me so long to realize i felt more like a man-- i thought i was just some weird straight girl.

now, am i calling these “GNC gay trans men” with long pink hair and poofy skirts and conventionally attractive bisexual boyfriends “weird straight girls”? ...well, not to their faces. but i have to admit that i’m thinking it. these people would never go to a predominantly-male gay bar, these people would never be harassed on the street. i’m not saying i know someone’s identity better than they do, but i don’t agree with the liberal utopian ideal of “let everyone do whatever they want as long as they aren’t hurting anyone” when taken to mean that we can’t question other people’s choices. “why do you feel like a man?” is a question that, coming from another trans person, isn’t inherently transphobic. it’s not “forcing” someone to “prove” their “transness”, no one “owes” me an explanation of their identity. i’m just confused. i don’t disapprove of the way these people live their lives, i just want to know why.

a straight girl being feminine is different from a gay man being feminine, because it has less to do with personality and more to do with society’s historic view of gay men as closer to female than male because of the loving and fucking men aspect. an AMAB gay man wearing makeup and a crop top probably just wants to look good, but he is also signaling to other men that he’s gay via gender non-conformance. by being AFAB and female-passing, wearing makeup and a crop top is not GNC. in fact it’s pretty GC, and gay men will not recognize you as a gay man.

it’s easy to say “gender is fake so do whatever you want”, but like, we have to acknowledge reality. time is a social construct too, but we still use days of the week when talking to each other. strangers will treat you differently depending on what gender they interpret you as. different people will be willing to date you or not. you have to choose which public bathroom to go in. if being misgendered doesn’t bother these people, then who cares? but if it DOES, which it usually does, wouldn’t you want to take steps to prevent being misgendered in the future? if your desire to present femininely is stronger then your desire to be seen as male, then like... why call yourself a male at all? ultimately nothing these people do will really affect me in any way. it just makes me wonder if these people will eventually go on to present as male, or if they will later ID as nonbinary or even cis. i encourage people trying out different labels and exploring their identity, so it’s not like i think these people SHOULDN’T identify as trans guys. it’s more like, i wish they were able to articulate WHY they identify as trans more than “because i said so”. not wanting to be a woman doesn’t automatically make you a man, it just makes you not a woman.

maybe i’m particularly cynical because of the MULTIPLE times that people with larger online followings who identify and present this way have later turned out to be lying, manipulative people. hopefully it goes without saying that i do NOT think that everyone who identifies and presents this way is a toxic liar. the reason i bring it up is because some people genuinely can’t understand the possibility or purpose of misleadingly claiming a marginalized identity, but it can and does happen. an analogy could be made here about white people claiming indigenous heritage. we all WANT to believe what people say about themselves, and asking for “proof” is a social no-no. but we shouldn’t just... automatically trust everything someone says about themselves, right? and as bad as i WANT to live in a world where gender doesn’t matter and everyone default uses neutral pronouns and there are no divisions in clothing stores and bathrooms, we don’t live in that world (yet). when you are AFAB, /extremely/ femininely presenting, and have little to no plans of transitioning, saying “i am a man” will not make other people see you as one. and if you don’t want to be seen as a man, then maybe you aren’t one.

#lgbt #ftm #long...

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writeinmysoul · 5 years

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It has been wild. At the lambda club meeting, we went over some interesting shit. The club is for the lgbt community on campus. Anyway. We went over some interesting and slick important shit that I had little interest in focusing on. Like, we talked about mental health, which is important, and then we went into things like intersectionality and privilege and such, which is also important. But the part that bothered me is that we had a white male talk to us about black womens struggles in the lgbt community, and it was sorta fine ish, until like, the predominantally white club began talking.

This one guy talked about how he was bullied for being white in elementary school, and that’s why he doesn’t believe you’re born into privilege. And he just kept going on about it.

We also had this activity where there was different words around the room. Race. Religion. Age. Gender. Sexual orientation. Cool whatever. They’d put questions on the PowerPoint and we had to go to the words we felt matches that question for ourselves. Like what part of your identity are you most aware of everyday. And people explained like why they chose the answers they did for themselves. Another question was what part of our identity was most important to our families. Another was what part of our identity did we feel most discriminated for. There was also, what part of our identity do we feel the most privilege from, and my answer was of course none. My friend and I sat in the middle of the room because we’re both lgbt woc. Like. What is privilege. So when they asked us why we sat down instead of choosing a part of our identity, that’s what I said. I don’t know what privilege is. But I’m like a joke way you say when you mostly mean you can’t relate to that. And he took me seriously and tried to have someone explain to me what privilege was. And I’m like, I know what it is, and as a gen z, non religious mixed African American, panro ace female, i have no fucking claim to privilege. And then the other dude who said he was bullied for being white was back to talking about the way these don’t have privileges and blah blah. And how white ppl are oppressed too. Whateverrrr.

Someone tried to relate being trans to being black. Which like, doesn’t remotely work considering we’re talking about intersectionality and how being a woman, esp woman of color, causes us to be treated differently and less than white lgbt and such, and you’re a white male, and we’re talking about the specific struggles of LGBT women of fucking color, and black trans women have it a shit ton worse because they’re black and women and trans. And this isn’t to diminish the struggles of any trans person. Because there’s struggles everywhere and it’s not a competition. But also, you can’t compare these two together when that defeats the purpose of this fucking conversation. And then started talking about plus sized women. And I’m plenty plus sized, and you’re not, so wtf does this have to do with the topic at hand. No. Shut up.

There were a lot of moments that I and the few other black ppl were upset or aggravated or whatever. Including when someone started talking about their white guilt. Please don’t actually. I can’t even. Anyway. I feel like these were important topics and I appreciate that they wanted to put in the effort to stress it’s importance, but as a white male, speaking to a predominantly white club, with no black ppl in their organizational staff, about black women struggles, this is not something they were prepared to handle. Especially without like actually having a WOC speak. And they’re doing a black pride booth in Nashville this weekend. And I’m genuinely triggered because of the lack of black people at a black pride booth. What.

——————

@dolores-hazy I had typed this the day it happened on Wednesday and then just left it in my drafts cause it’s stupid and I didn’t care that much enough to finish it or even post it. But I didn’t know how to like, answer your question of the annoying white dude without going into a lot of detail and I didn’t feel like retyping that. so here’s most of the important stuff at least. You don’t gotta read it.

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nightcoremoon · 6 years

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Callout post: me

lying, manipulative, hold grudges, constantly paranoid, would absolutely 100% check out a teenager if nobody was looking because "it's a harmless crime", liar, cycle through idealization and devaluation, 'sick of fat people trying to be the next civil rights issue and making it that much harder to get civil rights for people who are ACTUALLY oppressed like gee idk poc and muslims and the mentally ill and queer people', frequently fantasizes about committing violent acts against people I rationalize they deserve it including family members, untruthful, attention whore, pedantic AND pretentious, tells lies, doesn't believe in one sister's claim of sexual assault (went to smoke weed with the alleged perpetrator), UNAPOLOGETICALLY AGAINST ASEXUAL EXCLUSIONISM (LITERALLY FUCK YOU DUMBASS FOURTEEN YEAR OLDS WHO SHRIEK THAT QUEER IS A SLUR, SHUT YOUR GODDAM FUCKING WHORE MOUTHS YOU DUMBASSES AND GO THE FUCK OUTSIDE OR READ A BOOK), would absolutely punch a child over an insignificant internet argument, secretly sought out sexual pleasure from two friendly seemingly platonic encounters with two girls I just met within twenty four hours, overreacts to the slightest provocations and has bitches at or vagueposted at several people who did not deserve it, has used mental illness and physical handicap to evade trouble from being late for work because video games and laziness and excessive sleep, has spent maybe a thousand dollars on fast food in 2018 alone, evades bills for medical care from an actually great clinic, lying sack of garbage, gave up on calling out family's bigotry and is now an accessory to prejudice, despises terfs predominantly for their refusal to fuck me because of being trans and yet meanwhile would not engage in sexual relationship with another trans woman or cis man unless reeeeeeeeally drunk, can and will blame being sexually assaulted as a child which probably didn't even happen because I don't think I remember it, unabashed furry, probably as addicted to video games and masturbation AND LIES as I almost was to alcohol, pretended to have almost been an alcoholic just to "win" facebook arguments about addiction, doesn't give a fuck my dad almost died from heroin JUST because he's a *little* homophobic and racist and classist and xenophobic because of a christian upbringing, would literally fucking murder him if he EVER PUTS HIS HANDS ON ME AGAIN, only slightly depressed because of laziness and a lack of drive and ungrateful to my family because hey they didn't kick me out for being trans so HEY THATS SUPPORTIVE ENOUGH FOR SOME OTHER PEOPLE SO WHY CANT I BE HAPPY WITH THAT, legitimately salty about ~the friendzone~ and just makes fun of incels because everybody else does, takes the moral high ground for not being a misogynist even though I don't deserve a pat on the back a lap dance and a blowjob for not hating women, overly sensitive about stupid things, thinking about faking having a trigger warning for more discourse credit, HUUUGE ASSHOLE to men I deem unattractive for no other reason than every single ugly fat guy I've ever met has been an asshole, rationalizes it after the fact because they eventually say something shitty because all men are terrible, probably a little bit of a cisnormative misandrist because trans men tend to be much better people, finds trans men attractive (specifically and significantly more so than cis men) so must clearly be fetishizing them, relatively okay with people referring to me as deadnamed and the wrong pronouns so probably just lying about being trans to everyone including myself, not 100% okay with the hijab for 'no reason other than all organized religion is evil and opposed to its mandate and the shame it forces on many women in many situations the exact same way I'm opposed to no sex before marriage and wives being subservient to their husbands and treating women as property in the torah and quran alike because ITS ALL BRAINWASHING' so is clearly not unlearning islamophobia and doesn't want to let that go, hypocrite because I believe in the basics of judeochristianity

and loathe atheism and atheists entirely because their smugness and smarm literally sets my blood pressure through the roof of what is safe and normal and yet claim to hate all organized religion, mansplains yet gets so pissed off when other people mansplain to me, judgmental of other cultures because they don't have the exact same values that I have, james gunn apologist, talks and talks and talks about anarchosocialism all damn day but would beat the shit out of a coworker for leaving me to do things because they're lazy because "any job worth doing is worth doing well" and other capitalismisms, literally couldn't give less of a fuck that his mother is dying because people die but it's no reason to make my life slightly harder and making me work hard when I work because BOO HOO MY LEGS HURT FROM THE LITERALLY MOST MILD CASE OF MUSCULAR DYSTROPHY I COULD'VE BEEN BORN WITH, hasn't actually performed real suicide attempt ever but still claims to have done so to attain sympathy that may result in physical affection, countless other shitty terrible things that yeah I recognize are bad but CANT SEEM TO CARE BECAUSE I HAVE DEPRESSION... WHICH IS THE WEAKEST FUCKING EXCUSE IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE GODDAMN WORLD

I am not a good person, okay?

I just pretend to be sometimes.

I'm sick of doing it, I'm sick of trying to do well and earn people's approval by doing and saying the right things only to just be ignored which is a step up from receiving many anons that hey, never actually told me to kill myself, but did take my words out of context to paint me as a racist. I am not the kind of racist who would vote for trump and march with the kkk. that is one of very few good things I can say about myself. but I'm an arrogant, violent, and angry opinionated perverted manipulative judgmental lying asshole. I'm not a good person. I have let myself fall so much and I deserve to be alone. my only connections to people were built on personal gain and I swear to myself that I do love them but those feelings fall away in direct correlation to how much they interact with me. I could love you to the point of obsession and stalking and one month later be completely and totally disinterested. I'm a bigot who pretends to not be bigoted and just parrots what other people say not because I believe it but because it's the right thing to say, and I only say what the right thing is to say because whenever I say a good thing something good will happen to me and if I say a bad thing something bad happens to me. it's all just self preservation, nothing else at all. but now I'm at the end of a road of just trying to do good and I'm alone. out of the only two friends that I can really say that I have left, one is far away and trapped in a guilt spiral that I caused by being too clingy, and the other has been behaving in a way my mind has decoded as defensive around me which makes sense as I have been very... the best way to describe it would be the way a dudebro incel interacts with any person who possesses a vagina/breasts but sneakier. in both relationships I've pushed my own wants and desires in extremis... I can't for the life of me recall the last time I have ever offered something in return other than my own company or paying for a meal at a restaurant or I guess transportation. and instead of sex I just want them to express even the slightest bit of intimate platonic physical affection towards me but that's still a lot to offer someone who has clearly expressed the existence of a sexual and maybe something near the realms of romantic in one of the cases physical attraction because for this aspec it's practically the same fucking thing.

and I've manipulated them to attain this goal. at this point my shit brain has considered just fucking going to town on my wrists with a razor blade to draw sympathy so that I'll get a hug or something beyond just a simply hello/goodbye, and finding a way to induce tears to concoct a sob story to reach the same end result, and one time very briefly via threat and intimidation so you can clearly see that I've gone far too into irredeemable territory. I've been playing and replaying cry of fear because it's just too similar to my own issues and the first ending where he just kills everyone he loves and then himself... I see me in that ending. and it scares me so much more than the sprinting screaming twitching one hit kill chainsaw guy ever will. I don't want that to be me, I want to change something, but I just can't get the help that I need. I had hoped to go for a domino effect, where if I could be cuddled for like five minutes or something, I'd have the energy to be more hygienic, which would make me feel capable enough to take on two jobs, which would get me the cash flow I need to pay my bills and take care of my hormones, which would put me in the headspace necessary to effectively use psychological help, which would let me get over my illnesses and actually become a more successful person instead of the pathetic husk I am here in non-fantasy land.

but that won't happen.

I'm just sitting here in the dark angsting about how nobody will touch me in a way that would produce oxytocin, and it's making me so sick, so physically sick, that it's affecting my brain too. I'm in pain, nauseous, vengeful, spiteful, paranoid, judgmental, and lonely. I'm stuck and I can't even kill myself because my mind wants me to stay alive and suffer through all of this because "oh it gets better" people have been saying that for well over half of my life. I was six or seven years old when I asked my mother to kill me, and that same level of desperation and bitterness has only gotten worse as time goes by. when does it get better? I'll tell you when it gets better, after I'm in prison or comatose or forty five years old with a cane and bad eyes and high blood pressure and lung cancer from all the secondhand smoke I've breathed in my life. when my life is over, that's when it gets better. I DONT WANT THAT. I WANT A NORMAL FUCKING LIFE RIGHT NOW. I WANT NORMAL FRIENDSHIPS AND A NORMAL HOME AND A NORMAL EDUCATION AND A NORMAL CAREER AND A NORMAL FAMILY. or at least I want someone to hold me and make me feel like I'm not so horrible and broken that I can't be touched.

but that's too much to ask for.

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thotyssey · 4 years

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It makes sense that there’s a “Job” in her name, cuz this queen is Working! Currently a digital darling, reality TV starlet and video vixen, the Minneapolis-born burlesque clown gogo queen Glow Job can’t wait to get back to a real life stage… but until then, let’s get on point with this rising drag star.

Thotyssey: Yo, Glow! How is quarantine treating you on this beautiful day?

Glow Job: Hi! It really is a nice day out. At least we got that going for us! But, you know… Quarantine Life. Just when you think you’ve got some rhythm, things change up. I’ve somehow got a lot on my plate, all of a sudden!

Yes, I noticed! How are you liking the strange new world of digital drag?

At first I was really reluctant–mostly because I didn’t want to come across as sad or desperate, even though in the beginning I was. But after realizing there was a way to get in this space beyond just doing a number in my living room–and started thinking outside the box–I started getting into it. That’s not shade. I just saw everyone flood the market, and it was overwhelming. I definitely wasn’t “crushing quarantine” the way I saw others do, and wasn’t feeling inspired either. But the Met Gala got the juices flowing again, and then I just started to create. I did the online challenges, and had some real fun.

And now with Black Live Matter taking the forefront, I really have the time and energy to put my drag to good use and be a part of that movement, too. So, being a part of that and making my drag mean something more: from raising money in Zoom parties, to taking some leadership with online communities, to being out on the protest lines, to producing my own parties. Again, I feel like I have a place in this new world.

[Photo: SidewalkKilla]

Indeed you do! I’ve also been enjoying a lot of the pre-recorded pieces many of the queens have been putting out there, including your clip for the Grace Jones showcase you were part of, where you performed “I’ve Seen That Face Before.” It was really polished, stylized and fun. But it must have been a huge effort putting that together, and shooting with limited access to resources in quarantine.

Well, my style is basically “I have an idea, and I’m gonna wait until the very last minute to do it all.” Seems to work for me! So for that number I figured out the storyline, sort of made a quick shotlist, got into drag and filmed and edited it all in one day, all by myself. I almost forgot I have a background in video editing, and I never had really used it in my drag before. So it was fun to incorporate that skill. But yeah, tripods and ring lights are my new best friends. Also, I already happened to have an accordion from the time five years ago when I thought I’d try to learn that! I have a lot of random stuff in my apartment that sees the light of day eventually.

youtube

Werq, Prop Queen! Actually between that clip and your role in Bright Light Light Bright’s music video for “This Was My House,” you are a veritable video vixen of the modern era.

That shoot was super fun! I love Rod and Bright Light Bright Lights music! I’ve been a fan for a while, and was kind of in awe and starstruck when he started DJing my Retro Factory parties. So I was honored to be in his music video, but also because it is exactly the message I want to spread with my drag. And it’s catchy as hell! We shot that all in one day, and just every hour went to a different location. It was a little party. It’s a little surreal to see it now, ’cause it was shot right before lockdown.

It’s a great video! And I see that you appeared in the third episode of a Bravo reality show, Camp Getaway! I’m not familiar with that yet; what’s it about, and how did you get involved?

It’s a show that basically follows a group of camp counselors–or social coordinators–at this camp in Kent, Connecticut which gets turned into an adult campground each weekend. I’m friends with Glen North, who is one of the featured counselors. He is the only queer cast member, and actually was integral in getting me and another drag queen, Sol, there for their LGBTQ weekend.

That particular weekend was especially cool, and for me personally it came right on the heels of me ending my marriage. You don’t get to see much of my story (and there were so many stories shared from other people that day too, like one guest who decided to live her life as a trans woman thereafter), but it was cool to be in the show and get featured regardless. There was even a contest with Carson Kressley judging… and I won’t give any spoilers, but let’s just say he gave me a real boost of confidence in the choices I was making in life.

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I see that you’re a Minneapolis native, and and I’m guessing that growing up queer and Asian in that predominantly white, hetero-normative city was tough on you.

More than ever right now, I’m seeing how desperate I was trying to fit into a white supremacist normative that I was never going to fit into. All my friends were white. I’m actually half-white, but definitely look Asian. There was no way around that, no matter how much Abercrombie cologne I’d spray on. I think I suppressed so much of who I am, including being gay, that I didn’t truly explore those parts of myself. It wasn’t “tough” because I ignored it, and laughed off any micro-racism or homophobia I felt or saw.

So I overcompensated. I got everyone to like me; I became all the things in high school. But it wasn’t until I was in New York for college that I came out. And it was here, after college, that I started hanging with non-white people. It wasn’t until the last few years that I started exploring drag and gender expression. And it wasn’t really until this past month that I started breaking down how much I was subscribing to a system that wasn’t designed for a small, Asian, non-binary queerdo–and how I was then contributing to that culture. So fucked up. And it’s been tough hearing how silent it is now from my MN peers.

It must be very surreal and upsetting for you to see how things have unfolded in Minneapolis.

Seeing how people are reacting is making it super clear that it isn’t a surprise that that stuff is happening there. So many people just live, acting like it isn’t their problem. It’s super upsetting. I have a couple friends who have really stood up as allies though, and I know a couple are looking to me for guidance and support. So I try to offer that now, at the least.

[Photo: Fwee Carter]

[Photo: Bronson Farr]

[Photos: Fwee Carter and Bronson Farr]

You said you didn’t create Glow Job until recently… what were the exact circumstances of how she got born?

The first time I took my drag to the streets was the Women’s March in DC. It was incredibly powerful showing up in the biggest, loudest, queerest way I could imagine. Then the first time “Glow Job” was fully realized was when I did my first show put on at Bar 9 for an amateur showcase, featuring drag queens and comedians from the NYC gay dodgeball league Big Apple Dodgeball. There were, like, seven of us that wanted to do drag, and Jose Paz / Miss Ogeny just decided to create her own show from scratch. Since then that group has expanded, and I had been going back every so often to perform.

But truly, my drag came from the realization that drag can be whatever I want it to be, and it combines many of the things I am already good at! And now it incorporates my love of circus, gogo-ing, pole dance, painting, photography, video editing, costume design, set design, etc. I have a background in ceramics, so that’s gotta be incorporated next somehow too!

I’m actually just super excited about my drag right now, and where it’s going, and how it’s finding new life (especially when I thought Glow had died this March once Covid hit), so I hope it doesn’t sound like I’m bragging! I just love it so much!

[Photos: Fwee Carter]

Brag away, it’s well-deserved! How did you come up with that four-“pronged,” butterfly-shaped signature lip that you often have? It’s striking! The only other queen I’ve seen sport something like that is Sandy Devastation.

Love Sandy! Madame Viv once told me I looked like her… just less devastating, lol! I dunno, I just didn’t like how painting my regular lips looked. And I wasn’t looking pretty like I had hoped when I started, so I definitely veered into a more clown aesthetic. I was sort of doing clown work, so it came from that… and it just stuck. It was one of the first decisions I made [for Glow’s look], and the only real original signature aspect I kept. I love them, too; they go well with the name.

You’ve done Viv’s “Hot Mess” drag competition at House of Yes a bunch of times. Do you consider yourself a Brooklyn girl?

House Of Yes is a bit of a home base for me. I had been working the line entertaining people as they waited to get in, and also gave the consent speech for them in my own way. I also did set design, and ushered for them, too. My style, I suppose, is more Brooklyn Drag? Or maybe it’s Sunnyside, Queens drag!

But I’m kind of all over, and doing my own thing. I’m the resident burlesque drag queen with Siren Pack; we performed at Madame X in the Village. I hosted [the party] Ultramaroon at Blue Midtown. And I recently got in Susanne Bartsch’s crew!

[Photo: Chris Sorensen]

Your last digital show with the POC Drag Art Collective (headed by Thee Suburbia) was that Grace Jones tribute, but now when you all return to our screens for a new show on Wednesday, June 24th (on Zoom, with proceeds going towards the Black Trans Protesters Emergency Fund) it’ll be the Solange songbook that gets the star treatment! What an interesting choice! Do you have an idea what you’ll be doing for that?

I have an idea… but knowing me, it could end up being anything. It’s gonna be meaningful, though! Know that!

Then on Thursday the 25th, you’ll be livestreaming all the body-ody as a digital gogo boy for Michael Block and Haireola Grande’s Zoom party, Elation!

Yasss! Love that! It’ll be super fun, turning a look and giving some energy and moves. Being a professional hype-person is my most natural state. And it’s for a good cause. So yes, very happy to be in this show.

As far as the Bartschland crew goes, you were just part of her BLM fundraiser that earned a whopping $32,000 in donations. And now comes “Pride On Top of the World” on Sunday the 28th, once more care of Zoom! Several Drag Race faves will be in virtual attendance including Latrice Royale, Laganja Estranja, Scarlet Envy and Aquaria. And of course, the large cast of beautiful Bartschies!

I’m so excited! I’ve been going to Susanne Bartsch parties forever, and always just showed up in typical club kid fashion. She’s nightlife royalty. I can’t wait to be in this one, too! I gotta figure out my look; I feel like nothing is too big with On Top!

Anything else coming up for you?

I’ll be out protesting again on Juneteenth, but on the 20th after more protesting some of us are gonna put up an outdoor show in front of the Barclays at 7pm. And then I’ll be on the front lines again in drag the following weekend with the Bushwig crew, starting at 5:30 in Maria Hernandez Park.

Fight the good fight! So, to end on a light note: whose team are you on for All-Stars 5?

Shea Couleé is perfection! But Jujubee cracks my shit up!

Thank you, Glow!

[Photo: Kenny Rodriguez]

Check Thotyssey’s calendar for Glow Job’s upcoming appearances, and follow her on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and YouTube.

On Point Archives

On Point With: Glow Job It makes sense that there's a "Job" in her name, cuz this queen is Working! Currently a digital darling, reality TV starlet and video vixen, the Minneapolis-born burlesque clown gogo queen Glow Job can't wait to get back to a real life stage...

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keshetaylonit · 7 years

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Transcript: This transgender Jew is tired of the anti-Semitism in the LGBTI community. After the Chicago Dyke March fiasco, where three Jewish lesbians carrying a Pride flag featuring the Star of David were kicked off the march by organizers for ‘supporting Zionism,’ the issue of anti-Semitism in the LGBTI community has been coming to light. Most recently, the Chicago Dyke March Tweeted using the term ‘Zio,’ a derogatory term for Jews coined by David Duke of the KKK. Many LGBTI advocates, like the organizers of the Chicago Dyke March, are vehemently anti-Israel, claiming the country is participating in an ‘genocide’ of the Palestinian people. One such activist is Pauline Park, a transgender woman associated with the group NYC Queers Against Israeli Apartheid, who often posts publicly about her pro-Palestinian activism, using buzzwords like ‘genocide,’ ‘apartheid,’ and ‘occupation.’ ‘That Pauline has no clue as to what genocide actually is, or what apartheid actually means, is obvious, but it is just as clear that she understands that such terms are trigger words for many whom she claims she is trying to persuade,’ writes Dana Beyer for Huffington Post. ‘That she is willing to defend a terrorist government that, upon meeting her, would ask her to kneel to be beheaded because she is a trans woman is inexplicable.’ ‘Is Israel a paradise for the LGBT community? No, not by a long shot. But it is getting better, and Israeli gay and trans people don’t escape into the West Bank and Gaza; Palestinians do escape into Israel. What is going on in the Middle East — and that includes the terror in Libya, Syria and Iraq, to say nothing about all the other rabidly sexist and homophobic regimes in the Muslim world — is not comparable to several months of demonstration against the LGBT Center of New York. Talk of “homonationalism” and “pinkwashing” as tools to stifle dissent is not just absurd; it is insane.’ Meet the fed up, trans, queer Jew Ariel Lipson is a 20-year-old queer trans man from Seattle, Washington. Lipson identifies as ‘Ay’lonit,’ which is a Jewish term used to describe someone ‘identified as “female” at birth but develops “male” characteristics at puberty and is infertile.’ Lipson began noticing the anti-Semitism of the LGBTI community upon entering high school. ‘The high school I attended was predominantly LGBTQ+, both students and staff,’ he explains. ‘While at the time I was working through my own internalised anti-Semitism, I did notice that being a part of Judaism, and being open about it ostracised me. I had people interrogate me about [the Israel/Palestine conflict], refuse to let me enter the space, and accused me of being complicit in genocide,’ he continues. ‘At this time I was staunchly anti-Zionist. As I got older, I saw the community become more and more cold towards Jews. I joined a youth group, and when I would talk about it, and people found out I was Jewish, they would be startled, and avoid me. I went to a LGBTQ camp, and while it was in general ok, there were moments of Jew = Israel. The main hub of LGBTQ+ space in Seattle is also big on activism, and being Jewish, and not willing to put up with comparisons to Nazi Germany or that your fellows control media/government/etc means that you are not going to be all that welcome in much of the spaces there.’ One moment in particular that sticks out in Lipson’s mind is the day he decided to wear a Star of David to school. ‘I had just bought it, and was so happy to wear it. I went to school, and felt proud. Here I was, accepting myself,’ he recalls. He then remembers having the following dialogue with a classmate: ‘“Oh are you Jewish?” “Yes.” “I had no idea. Sorry to hear that.” “What?” “You’re Israeli, so that means you kill children”’ ‘From that moment on I was shunned by classmates, had my trans authenticity mocked, as being Jewish meant I could not be LGBTQ+ for some reason,’ he says. Now, Lipson is sick and tired of engaging with non-Jewish LGBTI activists who often conflate Zionism with Judaism and utilize anti-Semitic tropes in their activism, such as Pauline Park. After recently being in a heated Facebook argument with Park, who told Lipson and numerous other queer Jews that their perspectives on anti-Semitism were invalid, he has officially had enough. ‘Any activist who behave as Ms. Park does is not an activist,’ Lipson states. ‘If they refuse to listen to a minority asking them to stop using stereotypes, tropes or words that oppress them, then they are not really working towards equality or freedom.’ ‘In short, I am hurt. However I am unsurprised. We saw it in [the Chicago Dyke March], we see it with Pauline Park, we see it with countless activists across the United States, Canada and the Western world.’ ‘As Jews, we have come to expect anti-Semitism in activist and LGBTQ+ spaces. I used to hide that I was Jewish, now I don’t. Is that dangerous? Yes. But it is a way to not only find the spaces that I can feel safe in, but I should not have to hide who I am. I should not have to be a closeted Jew. Being LGBTQ+ is about being proud. How can I be my whole and authentic self if I cannot be open about my ethnicity, people, culture, faith and history.’ Doing better moving forward Lipson believes that one can be anti-Israel without being anti-Semitic. He recommends this guide for how to do so. As for advice for the LGBTI community to be more inclusive of Jewish voices, Lipson says the following: ‘First and foremost, see us a human. View us as peers. We, too, are a minority. We, too, are oppressed. Ours is not just a religious culture, but an ethno-religious culture that stretches back nearly 6,000 years. Throughout that time, we have been oppressed. Our oppression did not begin, nor end with the Shoah. It still permeates today in every corner of the globe. Jews are fleeing France in droves. The last remnants of Syrian Jewry fled their homes not even 5 years ago.’ ‘If you want to be more inclusive to the Jewish LGBTQ+ community, start by listening. Like any other minority that you do not belong to, you do not get to dictate what is, or is not anti-Semitic. You do not get to tell us what our oppression is, or is not. That is for Jews, and only Jews, to decide. Your job is to stop talking, listen, learn, and act upon what you have learned to make your spaces safer for Jews. You do not get to interrogate every person with a Magen David Necklace or a Kippah. You do not get to stop listening to a Jewish person because they are a Zionist. That is not how activism works.’ ‘We do not rule the world. We do not eat babies. We do not sacrifice virgins. We do not run the media. We are real, live human beings. Treat us with respect as you would any other person.’ By: Rafaella Gunz @tikkunolamorgtfo @littlegoythings

#judaism #left antisemitism #anti semitism #anti semitic #antisemitism #antisemitic #Jewish #jumblr #social action #social justice #progressive #left #feminism #inclusive #transgender #article #transcript #Paulina Park #Ariel Lipson

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shinmegamitensei2 · 6 years

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i was gonna sleep cus i’m tired as shit but then my brain started blaring some thoughts in my head so now i can’t sleep, so now you guys get to hear me ramble angrily about privilege and intersections of it on my blog instead

warning: this is extremely long and at points starts to sound like “pwease weave the poow twans men awone we did nofing wrong uwu” but i promise there’s a point somewhere in here about how we gotta start thinking about what we say has consequences

just... i get so angry when privilege is conflated to “if you have it, you have every single facet of it and you always benefit from it” when that’s really not the case at all, and to treat privilege as a single card that is separate from, and consequently unaffected by personal experience, other VISIBLE aspects of identity and individuality, and so forth is a really flawed way of thinking

the way i see most people explain or treat privilege is whether you have, say, a “privilege card” and the more you accumulate, the more privileged you are and thus the more benefits society offers you as a result of your status over another person (say, a white cis straight man is far more privileged than a black trans gay woman)

this is it, a simplification of privilege, easily digestible and easy enough to regurgitate to other people to get them to understand on an elementary level what it means to have privilege - when you have it, you have benefits over another person because society deems you better than another person

but then the conversation stops there. it stops, and this simplification becomes a hard and fast rule rather than the beginning of an educational moment, and suddenly we have concepts such as self-determination of your identity means you can gain and drop privileges as you change and determine WITHIN YOURSELF who you are, rather than what society deems you as

and therein lies the problem: how do you gain or lose privilege? how does the concept of passing privilege factor into all this? what does it mean to pass, or to not pass, and can privilege be bargained, can it only be half-gained or half-lost, can it change on a whim?

the only times i ever see this brought up, it’s by some asshat who’s got some shitty opinions or is trying to defend the privileged group wherein exchanges of power usually do not happen on the level i’m trying to discuss (re: race and a white person whose family is predominantly european-white, although there is a lot to be said about someone who is white but also comes from a mixed family and the way that privilege can also be bartered based on perceived appearance versus the reality) but what i really want to look into, specifically, is the bartering of privilege gained and lost through identification as trans, nonbinary, or another gender unrecognized by mainstream society

because, like... it’s here, i feel like, where passing privilege becomes its most prominent (as well as sexuality and the culture surrounding it that has crafted a persona, either influenced by or influencing [or both!!] by homophobic caricatures of the past and present) and where we need to start having discussions, serious discussions, about how one passes not only affects their privilege, but also that we cannot and should not treat people specifically based on what privileges or disprivileges we believe they should be experiencing in their day-to-day lives, because... it doesn’t work that way

there’s such a monumental difference between people at different stages of passing, and what information they have about them that is on the internet, or among their friends and family, or to their bosses and coworkers or if it gets leaked in ways they didn’t intend or want people to see or know

i AM going to use trans men in this example, being one myself, because i don’t intend to try and explain anything using experiences that don’t belong to myself so as to not misrepresent anyone, so i apologize that this comes off as being really whiny and “wahhh stop treating transmasc ppl badly” because a whole lot of trans masc and trans men adopt misogyny and absorb toxic masculinity in an attempt to become masculine, in a world where manliness is often defined by how much you can reject femininity and the constant attempts to redefine masculinity in a way that doesn’t allow male predators to adopt it solely to hurt women I’M GOING ON A TANGENT ANYWAY

there was a point i wanted to make here, and it was specifically on the idea that, like... you cannot ever, possibly, expect a trans man who is completely untransitioned and is seen, societally, as a woman, to own any amount of male privilege that makes any real difference where it matters aside from an online community wherein anonymity is valued, but also in said community where that information (that they are trans, whether or not they mention they are untransitioned) may be open and ENCOURAGED to be posted online for the sake of engaging in these conversations in the first place

as opposed to a trans man who is fully transitioned, has spent several years being accepted as a man, having absorbed ideas about masculinity that may make him indistinguishable from other men and nobody questions his status as a man, and all of this is STILL contingent on the fact that nobody knows or SHOULD know that he is trans, as once that information comes out on a platform where people feel empowered to challenge him (not only including the internet, but in real life, where it is common and encouraged for men to engage in violence, especially where bigotry is concerned)

as opposed to any trans men who may be in between, too! a man who is taking T, whose voice is changing over time and where his neighbors may catch onto what’s going on and grow suspicious; a man who takes strides to act masculine where he can, but who is stifled in an environment where he could be abused or killed purely on account of transphobia; a man who does not WANT to take the steps required for society to fully “recognize” him as a man, and so may never be able to fully participate in presenting the way he wants

this is all transphobia, full stop. not transmisandry or whatever weirdo terms ppl are coming up with these days, but there is a lot to be said in how transness AFFECTS male privilege, and how that male privilege may be adopted, absorbed, and enacted depending on the way that society recognizes men, maleness and masculinity

trans masculinity, and the state of being a trans man, is not an experience shared by every trans man. trans men are not all the same - some are trans nonbinary men, some transition, some do not, some adopt abusive techniques and toxicity that comes built into the system that tells us what being a man is and what being a woman is (although i could also argue that in a lot of ways, to be recognized as a man without having homophobia and transphobia and misogyny thrown at you constantly is to HAVE to participate in these systems, but alas)

there is a wide variety of difference in all of these people, and how they are recognized on a widescale manner that makes any shred of difference outside of this website - which begs another question! where does privilege travel? can it disappear or appear depending on where you are? where you go? can you have privilege on tumblr, but then have it vanish when you leave this website?

there’s a distortion, a way we talk about privilege and the privileged folk, that makes it so damn difficult to discuss the finer and more important details about privilege, intersection, and how privilege is not the same for everyone. it CANNOT be the same for everyone, because passing privilege is not yet another token given to people just to show that they have it! and privilege is not a set of cards and coins that come separately and totally irrelevant of each other!

a trans man is pelted by misogyny, homophobia, as well as transphobia when he does not pass. just as cis men are pelted with these ideas, so too are trans men. and yes, they are misguided. they hurt women and gay people more than they hurt men and straight people, this much should be obvious to anyone. but these things - they are STILL internalized, and how they are internalized changes depending on who is on the receiving end, and in many ways these things are markers and indicators of how to and how not to act for men

i wanted to keep going on about this point and i think i have more to say but my end point with all this is just that privilege changes power depending on where you are, who you are, and on a moment’s notice depending on what information people have a hold of, and i know i did a not-great job of explaining this but also i’m just venting so whatever

another thought occurred to me, about something i was thinking about earlier today, and it’s about how we talk about this concept, and how we approach privilege and privileged people and people whose privilege may variably change

obviously tumblr’s a bad place to be. it’s polarizing, because a lot of people use it as a place to vent, and there’s a lot of gross and nasty people here (including highly-privileged folk and fucking neo-nazis for fuck’s sake) and having long and meaningful conversations here is pointless because it’s drowned out by the obsession and need for having notes yet lacking a cohesive way to spread posts and all proper additions to that post without someone losing some form of context along the way

(that fucking, pewdiepiekin post goin around is one such example, since it’s apparently a joke that OP has but everyone’s treating it as fact, and like obviously it’s hard to tell sarcasm on this website given how much weird shit we’ve seen, but also that it’s FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE to correct such a misunderstanding BECAUSE of the very nature of tumblr itself, go figure)

but that’s also why i think we gotta have this conversation, this like... talk that we can’t keep talking about shit the way we have been, especially in regards to social justice and conceptualizing it for the younger kids who USE this website, and like... we just gotta have a different way of approaching things now, because the more i watch idle chats where people gleefully and openly post screenshots of others making fun of them for minor shit or momentary fuck-ups that could be easily ignored because the person is still learning (ESPECIALLY IF THEY’RE LIKE 14) and otherwise give themselves a free pass to become openly vicious and in the name of coping or to share amongst their friends how pathetic they view some people

like ok not to be a liberal and i’d rather not be classified as such because i don’t lick the boots of the privileged or pull any of that devil’s advocate shit but this extremely hostile environment we’ve cultivated and continually defend because we think this website creates ANY sort of meaningful difference in the world and anything we do on this website has any sort of meaningful impact that is beneficial to us while also openly encouraging behaviors that mitigate and deny growth and learning from mistakes is honestly kind of fucking scary

this is in no way saying giving a pass or go on behavior that directly spreads violence like saying slurs and whatnot, but we’re also so, so very fucking vicious, and at some point, no matter what reason you have for saying what you do, the consequence is that your words and intents get hijacked and used out of context in a manner that forms high hostility in the first place

and it’s so, so hard to talk about here too, without going “well if you hate men hurr durr it’s ur fault everything on this site sucks don’t openly say you hate your oppressors hurr durr!” like that’s such an easy trap to fall into but i don’t believe that either, even if i’ve grown distasteful of openly expressing “i hate cis men” (because they terrify me and could murder me at a moment’s notice, both for thinking i’m a woman and for finding out i am trans) or “i hate straight people” (because they fetishize my gayness and shit!) and etc

i’ve got so many reasons why i could express those thoughts, but should i do it, and on a regular basis, consequences follow. consequences that destroy my cultivated and intended reputation as someone who is open and friendly and kind, because it is difficult to really PROVE that to someone who may be on the fence from allowing themself to be deprogrammed from societal teachings and ingrained and taught transphobia and homophobia and misogyny and racism and so on so forth

and i know not everyone is like that. not everyone WANTS to teach and to provide the resources for that and to help deprogram people. most people just want to vent, most people want to escape from the daily abuse and fear and vent their frustrations. i get that. but then where do we go from there, when we have such an absolute volume of people doing and saying this exact thing, in such a degree that such a climate becomes normal to be reactionary and to react to any level of ignorance with anger, no matter who it comes from?

i’m being so, so vague here, and i really do not want it to come off as protection of the poor soft privileged or what the fuck ever, i genuinely do not. i guess i’m just describing a time in my life where i was like that, where i openly enjoyed mocking people that i thought were beyond reprieve and “saving�� and getting into fights and it was such a nasty attitude to be in because it led to me throwing people out of my life, throwing caution to the wind, destroying my reputation online and getting put on places like r/tumblrinaction and potentially k.i/.w/i./f./a/./r./.m//s for my actions

living that way endangered me, and not just because of who i am. living that way destroyed me, and it destroyed my way of thinking, too. it destroyed my moral system, it encouraged me to dehumanize others. it encouraged me to find new ways to rationalize violence as a way of “vengeance” and “retribution” for the damages society dealt me, as if that was any rational and correct way of approaching this situation

anger has its place. anger has its place in destroying the system we have now and rebuilding a new one. but we need to understand that our actions, no matter how justified, still have consequences, sometimes extremely unintended, and even unwarranted that we didn’t deserve, and just... i dunno

there is no easy solution to this. i don’t believe we’ll get anywhere by being nice to everyone all the time, just as much as i don’t believe we’ll get anywhere by developing such a community-wide but aimless anger that we develop as hostile an environment as we have on this website

i don’t know what we need, but it can’t be this

#vent #this is way too long and you probably shouldn't read it #and please absolutely do not rb it i would very much appreciate that #it's a bunch of thoughts i wanted to throw out there and it's not coherent #nor is it a blatant and exact statement of my ideologies #tons of it is vague even because i just do not want to stick to my guns and say something stupid #and like have all my friends turn on me and tell me how i'm no different from the people i'm rambling about #i dunno. this website has that effect on me now i guess #i know that's a broad reaching term too to be like 'fucking tumblr LOL sjws'#but... yeah everything i fucking put out here scares the shit out of me so thanks

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once-upon-a-time-psychblog-blog · 7 years

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Once Upon a Waste of Time - An open Letter to Adam Horowitz and Eddy Kitsis.

Dear Adam and Eddy,

After watching #OnceUponaTime #OUAT & had a chance to process it there are a number of things I’m really not happy or comfortable with and I would really like them addressed.

Why did you deem it perfectly acceptable to use the term “nut house” in the show? Please don’t ever use that term again. It’s stigmatising mental illness & there’s enough of that in the world already. It only endorses name calling being okay to use against those who suffer with mental illnesses.

The Q&A was talking of hope and belief. But when it comes to the marginalised oppressed groups it was pitiful in representation. In fact, the number of POC and LGBTQ characters you had on your show were extremely disproportionate to the real world. Most of your POC characters ended up with terrible fates. Such as Merlin, Stanham (Tin man), Marian, I don’t even remember what happened to Rapunzel… yikes! Only one POC couple Aladdin and Jasmine represented POC with a happy ending. I don’t even recall seeing any others present for happy endings. That’s how disproportionate it was with POC representation.

The one f/f queer pairing you had, which was written by two of your MALE employees in your writing team and therefore had no feminine perspective, was rushed together without development and made it into some stereotype of lesbians meet and fall in love in a day and move in together. That was eye rolling enough, but to top it off, they only got one episode out of six years of your show, and were not even even present for the happy endings moment. Seemingly nobody thought to invite them to the wedding, which even if the actresses couldn’t make, would have taken a moment to write in saying Ruby and Dorothy couldn’t make it, but send their love and congratulations. We didn’t even see them in Oz when Zelena took everyone back to her Emerald City castle. I hate to break it to you guys but treating a f/f ship differently to that of the heterosexual pairings you have on the show, is not equality. It’s merely ticking a box to say yep we covered LGBTQ, and it is in that inequality that gave it the “I’m not homophobic… but” feel to it. The bottom line is that there shouldn’t be inequality. Even the disproportionate numbers of LGBTQ and POC characters to heterosexual and white characters ratio comes across as sexuality and racial inequality.

Regina being a middle aged Latina woman only got apples and dwarfs showing her acceptance which she has been getting for 4 seasons now. She’s happy with herself, I get that, but why did the Latina queen only ever get heartbreak in love and not even get a romantic love in her life for her happy ending? Are Latina’s destined to be without a lover? Or is it just middle aged women destined to be alone if they haven’t found a lover by a certain point? I understand she would have been grieving Robin, but there wasn’t even a hint of hope that she could be with someone in the future. Not a start of anything. Zelena being older than Regina didn’t have one either. So all the middle aged female fans who are currently alone right now, who watched the show for a bit of hope that maybe they would find love one day, didn’t get that hope as they weren’t validated.

I understand happiness doesn’t always involve having a lover in your life but to the marginalised oppressed groups Latinas, middle aged women, and LGBTQ, you didn’t deliver any substantial hope for them to believe that they too could find happiness because you did not represent them. Didn’t even represent anyone in the trans community at all. So all those people who watched with the hope of a “Modern Fairytale” didn’t take away with them a message of hope and belief as they weren’t accurately represented. They just took home the message that everyone else deserved a happy ending but them.

And the final thing I’m really annoyed with, is that you had the greatest love story with SwanQueen. Every single message on the show about what love is, they demonstrated. SwanQueen in my opinion, was the greatest love story never told. Six years and one kinda uncomfortable looking hug is unrealistic for best friends, especially with the way the actors were directed to play them, and with all the queer-baiting subtext. But to add insult to injury you have the same initial situation of a kid looking for and finding their parent, and have openly stated that Henry and his daughter’s mother who he will meet again will have an epic love story… so basically it’s pretty much SwanQueen but the heterosexual version of it. The SwanQueen story was so good, but just not heteronormative to tell on TV. I want to know, WHY? And please don’t use the excuse “family show” anymore because the sexual content of this show, albeit no sex was actually taking place in it, does not make this family viewing. Nor does violence and murder either.

I’d like some answers around this and not to be ignored or blocked because you don’t like me putting you in front of a mirror to examine yourselves. There was even a time you baited Swen in an obvious way by tweeting a script tease of a SwanQueen scene which you had cut from the show!

Adam, you have stalked Swen accounts and there are multiple cases where there is evidence of you doing that. I want to know why you used us for viewership if your heteronormative love story was something you were so certain of being successful?

You had a little over 12 million viewers at the start of your show. And the latest figures were around 2.8 million if I’m not mistaken. How do you deem this as success? You used Swen to keep you afloat for another season didn’t you? You could at the very least have the decency to be honest and admit that.

You’ve lost a viewer in me, not just with Once Upon a Time, but with all future shows you decide to create, and I’m sure I’m not the only one who has made this decision. Once Upon a Time was sold as a “Modern Fairytale” but that was false advertising really. The only thing modern about it was the characters had cell phones and spoke of Hamilton tickets, oh and Snow White held a sword for the first time… 🤦🏼‍♀️ Big whoop! Nothing modern here or even groundbreaking. Same old story of predominantly white, cis gendered, heterosexual couples getting their happy endings and leaving everyone else lacking them. If that’s your idea of a “modern fairytale”, then I’m sure all your future endeavours as writers will be just as same old, same old.

#swanqueen #swan queen #onceuponatime #once upon a time #adam horowitz #eddy kitsis

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jameelajamilfan · 5 years

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Press/Video: Jameela Jamil Is Shutting Up and Making Space in 2019

New Post has been published on https://jameelajamil.org/2019/02/01/press-video-jameela-jamil-is-shutting-up-and-making-space-in-2019/

Press/Video: Jameela Jamil Is Shutting Up and Making Space in 2019

youtube

The ‘Good Place’ actress and body positivity activist joins the #AerieREAL role model family.

If you’re familiar with Jameela Jamil’s, work you may know her for a few things: her role as the narcissistic but always well-intentioned Tahani Al-Jamil on NBC’s The Good Place; her fiercely vocal stance against photoshopping and airbrushing in advertisements and magazine covers; her news-making tweet in which she hoped certain celebrities “shit their pants in public” for hawking “detox teas” that promise to help with weight loss and bloating. In her 32 years on earth, the British actress has battled an eating disorder, hearing loss, and a car accident that broke her back. Yet she’s come out on the other side, starting a beloved life positive moment called “I, Weigh” and as of today, Jamil is one of the newest members of the #AerieREAL Role Model family for spring 2019. Ahead of the reveal, I phoned Jamil to discuss how the body positivity movement can change moving forward, why she wished Aerie existed when she was a teen, and why in 2019 she’s making space, not taking it.

When Aerie revealed you were going to join their campaign, it seemed like a match made in heaven. Why did you want to work with them?

I wanted to work with Aerie because they’re one of the only brands I’ve ever seen actually take inclusion seriously, and it’s not performative. It runs throughout the entire brand: their desire to reflect, on their website and in their stores, what we see outside in everyday life, which just never happens. Seeing people from all walks of life and all ages modeling underwear and modeling clothes was just such a breath of fresh air. When I walked into their store I realized how much I could’ve benefited from having a store like that and a company like that when I was younger, so I was very excited to be a part of it. Your body’s been through a lot, between an eating disorder and a serious car accident. How has that affected the way you treat your body now?

I treat my body with great respect now and I make sure to check in with it and thank it every so often. Because I’m aware of what it’s like to not be able to go to the toilet by myself, or to be able to breathe because I had asthma, or be able to hear, because I was deaf as a child. I also stopped menstruating when I had an eating disorder, so my body has been in jeopardy so many times that I’ve, frankly, by the age of thirty, a little bit late but better late than never, learned to treat it with lots of kindness and respect. I don’t talk shit to myself anymore. Every time it crops up I stick up for myself the way that I would for a friend or for a stranger even. The things that women say to themselves in their head, they would never tolerate being said to someone that they love. So I’ve decided to be my own best friend.

I’ve become the loudest voice that’s been allowed in body positivity and I think that has given some people the wrong idea.

How does being your best friend manifest itself?

I did EMDR therapy, which is a specific kind of therapy that removes the conditioning of irrational thought. So it goes right to the core of the problem. It’s very good for PTSD, anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and OCD—all of which I had. Within a matter of months, it just sort of extracted the root of the problem, which meant that I didn’t have to deal with the symptoms anymore. So that was a big thing that I did. I also made the decision three years ago that most of my money that I would spend on corrective or beauty items I’d save up for therapy. I started doing that when I was 29, and that was probably the biggest act of self love I’ve ever done. So no cellulite cream, no stretch mark cream, nothing anti-aging, I just put all of my money into a piggy bank that I would’ve spent on must have products. I just did therapy and then bought myself some self love.

youtube

Body image and body positivity can be super personal. How do you discuss these topics without alienating people?

I link body positivity with mental health, which makes it a much bigger and broader conversation. I think that we don’t do that enough I think I’ve kind of moved it more into a life positive movement and more into mental health discussion, and I think we can all relate to that. Body positivity is something that we have to be very conscious of not leaving women who are of minorities out of. We need to include everyone, so I just make sure to be inclusive with my language and make sure that I’m involving activists from different minorities in my work and giving them a platform in order to make sure that everyone knows it’s a conversation for all of us to have.

For example, the MeToo movement got kind of taken over by a lot of very famous, slender, predominantly white, straight women actresses. I think it’s important not to let that happen with body positivity, which it does happen. Often, in the last year I’ve become the loudest voice that’s been allowed in body positivity and I think that has given some people the wrong idea: that I think that I speak for all people, which I don’t. It’s just that I have a platform and a privilege that allows me to be listened to and heard, when other people who are actually struggling with these things are being ignored. I’m not afraid of being annoying, I’m just afraid of being complicit in a problem that is systemically destroying the mental health of most of the women around the world.

So how do you deal with the criticism?

I don’t take it personally anymore, and I think I used to get defensive and when I would be called out for not being intersectional enough or just feel frustrated that people were expecting too much of me, but now I just shut up and I listen and I realize that there are people who are going through a lot and I would like to help those people, so I just focus on the good. I also don’t receive a lot of negativity or backlash. Most people support me and my profile growing in the way that it has, has been a sign of mass support of so many people who were just done, they feel the same way as me. I’m not on the wrong side here, I’m on the right side, the feminist side of mental health of young people and their well being internally and externally, of women and people everywhere.

The hashtag is #AerieReal. When do you feel you’re most real?

I feel I’m most real when I’m cuddling my boyfriend, I do [laughs]. I feel most real when I’m spooning. There are so many great role models. Who are some of your own role models in this space?

I mean, Samira Wiley is one of them, so I was super starstruck to meet her and to be photographed alongside her. That was a big seal of approval. Janet Mock is someone that I’m very, very obsessed with, and think that what she has done for our culture is just so extraordinary and she’ll be remembered forever and go down in history as such a game changer for the trans community. Roxanne Gay, I think she’s a real hero of mine, and her books have taught me so much and called me out so brilliantly. As in, in reading them I’ve been able to find my own mistakes and learn, via her, how to do better and be better.

I think we bring a lot of ego into activism and wokeness these days.

What did you learn from her books?

I’ve learned from her books about white feminism and how much we could leave people out of the conversation and what makes you a bad feminist and how you can call yourself out, and that that can be okay to make mistakes. You know, she calls herself out on her own blind spots, and I think that’s a really important thing to do. I think we bring a lot of ego into activism these days and ego into wokeness. I think that that can sometimes make you afraid of admitting when you don’t know something, and therefore you don’t ask, and therefore you don’t learn. Even someone as brilliant and accomplished and educated as Roxanne Gay, to sometimes owning up to her weaknesses or her blind spots, has been so inspiring so many people that I know, because it makes you feel like it’s okay to just keep learning and if you’re a bad feminist now, it doesn’t mean you’ll always be a bad feminist.

We’re having a lot of conversations in the office about the kind of energy that we’re bringing into 2019. How would you describe the energy you’re bringing into this year?

It’s make space, don’t take space. That’s the thing that I’m gonna bring into 2019, is making sure that I create space for other women. I create space for people from minorities, and people who are living in experiences that I have not myself had to live through. Recently I turned down a role of a deaf woman, because even though I used to be deaf as a child, I’m no longer completely deaf. And so that role should go to someone who still currently cannot hear because there’s a brilliant deaf actress out there somewhere who we don’t know her name, but she can’t get the role. I do think it’s really important to start to make sure that we stop being greedy and we just step aside for one another, and don’t fear each other. We’ve been taught to fear each other by men, and feel like there’s only space for one, and that’s a lie. That’s so that we don’t all join together and take up loads of space and become equal. So supporting other women, making sure that I put my money where my mouth is, and pass the mic.

Source: Elle

#aerie #aeriereal #jameela jamil #the good place #tahani al jamil #tahani al-jamil

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bengalbrony · 7 years

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doing your emotional labor for you: my identity masterpost

Here is the post for people who wonder "what are you?" or "i don't get how you can be muslim and gay??" or " i don't get how you can be trans and gay?" The link to this information I will either place on my business card or price at a mere suggested $5, as wondering "what I am" and asking about it is none of your business to begin with. You can pay me at my Paypal: paypal.me/AmeerK

Muslim: I believe there is no God but Allah, and that Muhammad, Peace be upon him, is his messenger.

Why: this is the religious tradition and culture I have been raised in and it helps me define the world around me. A sort of perspective on life, the world, and everything. It also makes a lot of logical sense to me, though I possibly engage in apologetics too deeply.

POC: person of color. This primarily means that I do not identify as white.

Why: My skin is brown due to my parents' ethnicities as both Bangladeshi. I was born in Kansas City, Kansas, and raised in and around St. Louis County, Missouri, so I identify as Bengali-American. Another term that can be used is Desi or Desi-American.

Gay: Attracted overwhelmingly to the same sex.

Why: I was assigned male at birth, and am a biological male with (presumably) XY chromosomes, and am predominantly attracted to males. Since first falling in love with another biological male in high school, I have come to terms with the fact that my sexual attraction to women is much less intense than men. Also refer to the Kinsey Scale and Lady Gaga's "Born This Way".

Transgender Woman: An umbrella term for all types of people who do not identify as cisgendered, or identify with the gender assigned to them at birth.

Why: Being simply labeled "Male" does not encompass my living experience. "Female" or "Woman" encompasses this more broadly.My pronouns in order of preference: She/hers, they/them, He/his

Male-Presenting: see article on gender expression

Why: For the sake of simplicity of interaction with laypeople who ask questions about my identity like it's their business, I often will present myself as a cisgender male because I do not pass for a cisgender female. This, however, does not invalidate the real dysphoria I experience and my desire to be treated as a female.

Genderfluid:

Why: At times, I feel like male identifies me best, at other times female feels correct, and at other times I am in between or neither. The clothes I wear on any given day can reflect this.

Femme:

Why: I feel that, in ideal conditions, my gender expression leans towards femininity as opposed to masculinity.

Monogamous

Why: Am only comfortable being in a relationship with a single individual at a time, as opposed to a polyamorous individual. This may be subject to change over time.

FAQ:

How can you be gay and Muslim?

Believing "There is no God but Allah, and that Muhammad, Peace be upon him, is his messenger" and feeling "attracted overwhelmingly to the same sex" are not mutually exclusive; you can be both and there is no contradiction.

Religious rulings do complicate what is "allowed" and "not allowed" within the scope of any religion, including Islam. There are indeed traditionally held rulings policing sex between two biological men in Islamic tradition. However, whether or not one follows these rules does not invalidate whether or not they believe that "there is no God but Allah, and that Muhammad, Peace be upon him, is his messenger," and nor does it (directly) affect the personal relationship one maintains with God.

In addition, Islam is not a monolithic single definition or tradition in practice. There are interpretations of Islam "allowing" same-sex relationships and marriages and a historical precedent to same-sex relationships in Islamic tradition as well.

How can you be born a man but call yourself a woman?

I don't feel I am a man. I don't feel that my experience of life encompasses manliness of manhood. I think womanhood is a more accurate representation of my experience That's literally it. Refer to the definition of transgender.

How can you call yourself both genderfluid and a femme/woman?

Both words together help encompass both my experience of gender and how I would like to be referred to. It's useful in that sense. They are not mutually exclusive, and are in fact mutually constructive in this situation.

How can you be a trans woman, attracted to males, and call yourself gay?

This is more of a cultural thing. Gay is often used in light-hearted settings as a catch-all term for any sort of attraction besides heterosexual attraction, although technically the definition is restricted to homosexual men.

How can you call yourself a trans woman but not try to look like a woman?

First, there is no right way to be and look like a woman. Women come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and biologies.

In addition, for people who do not pay the $5 to read through all of this emotional labor or have a basic understanding of gender and sexuality, it's simply easier to present myself as a male, get some weird looks if they see bra straps, and move on with it rather than having them pay $5 and spend time reading this masterpost explaining it all.

There's also the personal upkeep involved with constantly shaving all parts of my body, hormone replacement therapy (which I'm currently not comfortable taking), Sex Reassignment surgery, and the like - and that's simply too much effort and messing around given the perfectly functional and male privileged (albeit dysphoria-inducing and sometimes uncomfortable) body God has given me.

Finally, there's the biggest issue, which is that I'm not out of the closet as a trans woman yet in all spaces. I've already come out in the past as a gay man, and coming out a second time as a trans woman is just as tough.

Links:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Person_of_color

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bangladesh

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desi

http://gender.wikia.com/wiki/Assigned_Sex

https://kinseyinstitute.org/research/publications/kinsey-scale.php

http://gender.wikia.com/wiki/Transgender

http://gender.wikia.com/wiki/Cis

http://gender.wikia.com/wiki/Passing

http://gender.wikia.com/wiki/Dysphoria

http://gender.wikia.com/wiki/Gender_Fluid

http://gender.wikia.com/wiki/Femme

https://www.verywell.com/what-does-polyamorous-mean-21882

If I update this at all, the changes will be found at this link: http://tinyurl.com/y9o9a4w7

#My identity #masterpost #lgbt #muslim #emotional labor #make sure you pay me the $5 if i sent this to you

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lokeanrampant · 5 years

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Indoctrination via Societal Influence

Had an interesting conversation recently that really got me thinking about indoctrination. Cause I HATE indoctrination. Despise it. It doesn’t matter to me if it’s in real life, in books, in video games – the media doesn’t matter, because indoctrination is frequently used to teach people to hate themselves, to not think for themselves, to adhere to a status quo with which we had no say and is a matter of tradition for tradition’s sake (which if you know anything about my blog, you know I LOATHE).

And probably no one will read this and whatever…it’s still something I need to get out and shout and rail against and just…NOT keep inside. There’s a lot about gender identity, forced gender identities and attributes, overall influence and divisiveness to cause power structures, etc. It’s a rant and it’s frustration and it’s tears and it’s pain.

And it’s sorrow.

The stereotypical gender molds – female and male separations – are divisive to me as they seem restrictive by dictating what it means to be one or the other and never the twain shall meet. Which is, if I may, BULLSHIT. What attributes of personality, interests, abilities, etc., are considered “female” or “male” by society is literally that – dictated by a society that was and still is geared toward creating division. If you can separate things, especially people, you can place one over the other. It’s not a merging of people to create a unified community; it’s a division of people to create a power structure. This particular power structure was created to elevate men over women.

Are there biological differences between the classic male and female genders? Absolutely. But there are also a fuckton of biological merging between the two. Medicine is particularly bad about this. To a degree, it makes sense – medicine is based on averages, what works for the majority of people who are similar to x, y, z genetics. That is good EXCEPT when it goes on for too long, it strangles itself and becomes restrictive. With the push for trans rights and visibility and care based on the individual rather than the “norm,” we are actually trying to steer medicine to treating what is presented, not what is textbook average. That is brilliant and what it should be as it works for everyone based on biology, not some preconceived societal dictate.

There is a reason most medications do not work for predominantly genetically female people – they weren’t tested or designed for those people. The majority of medications and procedures and hell, even warning signs for diseases, are all based around predominantly genetically male people. It’s why heart attack symptoms for women are so vastly different and missed. It’s why women miss major illnesses because the pain is less than cramps and we’ve been told for years that we’re overreacting to how painful that is and that cramps are dismissed as an inconvenience, not an actual THING. (Also, please note, anyone with a womb can have uterine cramps, because they are fucking contractions designed to push out unneeded biologic material, and genetics is a complicated and fascinating mess and variety of chromosomes - however you feel is who you are and you are VALID. Medicine is a bitch and until we get Big Pharma out of it and focus on actually healing and not money, well, it is going to continue to be a bitch. Someone tell me why my new medication is over a thousand dollars, $350 with insurance, and fucking $5 with a manufacturer coupon. WTF…if it’s $5 with a coupon, it should be FIVE DOLLARS FLAT. Assholes.)

This societal division creates self-doubt and anxiety that we aren’t male enough or female enough and it spirals into self-hate that we don’t fit. And again, I call BULLSHIT. My sister (and when I start talking gender issues, I start getting twitchy about even calling sister/brother/mother/father as they’re all gendered labels instead of parent and sibling, but ugh, that’s an issue for another day…) presented with PCOS symptoms in high school, especially hirsutism. That caused her a lot of self-doubt in how people perceive her and how she perceives herself. She’s afraid of anything that might make her look more “masculine” to people because of that, to the point she was terrified of getting a short haircut (and she looks super cute with it and she’s so much more comfortable in this heat). WTF, people? We should not be doing that to other people!

And OMG, the comments we get when we do things that are “traditionally male.” Comments from men and women. Things like demolishing, repairing, and rebuilding a deck. The fact that I burn through a pair of “gardening” gloves and hand shears yearly because they don’t make work gloves small enough for me in the local hardware stores and I don’t putter in a garden – I fucking LANDSCAPE. I move stone and gravel and till the ground and build raised beds and clear brush and brambles. Garden gloves don’t survive that shit. Doing these things should not be bad ass for a woman. These things are practical and they need to get done. My sister and I are fortunate to have a house, but we have it because we simply couldn’t afford to continue living in an apartment where the rent went up $400 every six months. Our mortgage is less than our last apartment by a significant amount. However, that also means we have to do all the upkeep and repairs because we still can’t afford large scale repairs without years of saving. It’s a constant battle.

I am the only female in a department of 16 at work. I get comments from the few other women at work regarding my hair, saying how brave I am (I am a dirty ash blonde, but currently have black and raspberry hair, super pretty, because I changed it up for a play. I wish my hair had stayed the strawberry it was when I was little. *pout*). BUT WHY THE FUCK IS THAT BRAVE? It’s HAIR. Why is it more…I don’t know, wild, I guess? Why do we have to give up something like that after some arbitrary age? That goes back to that whole millennial reblog about how we feel pressured to reach arbitrary society-dictated goals by x age and that being an adult means we have to give up certain things. FUCK THAT NOISE. I already feel that I’ve lost out on so many things because my mental health issues had me stalled for years, then I figured out who I was and got started, then mental health went down again (lovely roller coaster ride). But I’m behind. I’m so far behind on those milestones society says we should have by now, even though it’s ridiculous and we shouldn’t have to meet those milestones because they’re simply NOT APPLICABLE to today’s life. They aren’t. If you can meet them, hey, more power to you. Most of us can’t. Most of us won’t. And quite a few of us don’t care to do so because there are more important things to handle right now and giving up who we are to obtain some arbitrary approval isn’t one of them. And yet it still fucking HURTS that I feel I can never have some of those things because I was trained to believe I was only worth something if I had them.

Even then, we can only go so far because our entire system is rooted in that nonsense and we still have to play by some rules just to survive. And it’s stupid and it’s frustrating and you just want to rail at the system because it needs to be changed, but you’re just one person. Just one. And getting past the apathy of so many around you, encouraging people to speak up and gather together to present a front, to not be cowed, to not feel like their voice doesn’t matter, to make them feel like they can help make a change for the better? It’s an uphill battle. People don’t want to get involved. Sure, a lot of them believe in better ideas and ideals, but we’ve been trained to accept, not to fight. (Somehow, I always come back to activism for a better world. I’d say sorry, but I’m not, not really.)

ANYWAY, back to gender identity.

What gender SHOULD be is what each individual chooses to be.

What society has made it is something else entirely. There are these societal molds into female and male traits, where you are one or the other. You’re not supposed to like or do these things if you’re the opposite one. And it’s created this schism where it’s so damned fucking unhealthy. It created toxic masculinity that says males can’t be emotional or seek aid. It’s created this hyper-femininity where women truly believe they need a man to do things. And it’s not wrong to want a man to do things, either around the house or for you or whatever. It’s not wrong to want ANYONE, ANY IDENTITY, to help you do something, whether that something is emotional or physical. But it IS WRONG for society to dictate that those are NECESSARY THINGS BECAUSE OF YOUR SOCIETY-IMPOSED GENDER. What YOU choose is what YOU choose. That is what feminism is, that is what humanism is – the ability to choose for yourself what feels best to you, with the caveat of “so long as it harm none.”

So yes, I feel female. My version of female, because I personally don’t feel nb, though who knows, that may change as I get older. And she plays video games, both violent and not. She not only gardens, but uses some damned fun and effective power gardening tools (seriously, y’all…alligator loppers are AMAZING – mini-gardening chainsaw that is brilliant for removing brush) AND landscapes with masonry, gravel, pavers, stones, and retaining walls and building raised beds. She cooks, she cares, she loves (even if it’s not returned or wanted), she fights, she protects. Even if her hands aren’t pretty or elegant, they are her mother’s hands – hands that can comfort; hands that can create life or if necessary, take it away to prevent suffering; hands that create as well as destroy. Even if she doesn’t matter, now or ever, in the grand scheme of things, she is fire, an element of change, destruction, and creation.

I was taught to hate everything about who I was from a very young age. I was trained to believe I was only worth something through the male lens…and I was never, ever, good enough. I just want people to NOT have to feel that, to not be taught that. I want people to be able to be who they are, whoever that is, without society telling them they are inherently wrong simply for existing. I know I don’t fit anywhere. I don’t fit mainstream. Hell, I don’t fit in the outliers. I’m not LGBT enough to fit there, either, as I have been pushed away from there on multiple occasions for not being enough.

But I don’t want that for others. I’m used to being alone and out the outside, but it’s a hard road to walk and live.

#personal rant #indoctrination #societal influences #fuck that noise #your gender is your gender #who you are is who you are #how about some healthy attributes that are good for everyone #how about that?#could we maybe start doing that a tiny bit more?#fuck society #i either need to watch it all burn #or go live as a hermit #or maybe i just won't wake up tomorrow and this will be pointless anyway

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a-lion-in-summer · 6 years

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My pet peeve: sampling bias. It’s not to say research is useless or that research doesn’t describe a subpopulation that exists, but systematic biases in sampling deeply affect who ends up participating in a study and who doesn’t and who can be generalized to from there. Specifically in the context of research on transgender people, there are so many obvious issues in sampling that aren’t acknowledged and researchers act like they’re speaking for the trans community, all trans people in America or the world or something.

Yes, transgender people are a hard-to-reach population. There’s no good way of finding them, especially in America compared to some countries that have a centralized, federally funded gender clinic where you can at least find most of the people who underwent medical intervention as part of a gender transition. Yes, recruiting through the internet is by far the most feasible research method. Yes, recruiting through LGBT or trans-related websites, newsfeeds, message boards, etc. is going to be the most efficient way to get you a useable sample size.

However, this sort of convenience sample is not without flaws. It is not a random sample. It can be generalized in very, very limited ways and likely does not represent the entire underlying population of transgender people.

The most obvious example, a lot of articles will acknowledge: our sample was predominantly white and highly educated. That means you have a very questionable ability to apply your findings to anyone who isn’t white and/or highly educated. Implicitly, it also may tell you things about your sample’s internet access, amount of leisure time, that fact that most of the people they hang out with are also white and highly educated. Likewise, a study from a LGBT/HIV-focused free clinic in one particular city is probably going to be very different and also only generalizable to a very specific subset of the trans population.

Another example, I was reading a book about women in relationships with trans men and their struggles to keep the queer or lesbian labels that they consider important parts of their identity despite being in what other people see as a m/f relationship. The author was going on about how this was a whole thing for all her sample. Well, yes. You recruited them off LGBT websites. Based on that sampling method, of course you’re going to get a sample that feels that way. Women who were grateful to abandon their lesbian labels and rush back into mainstream heterosexist society or who identified as straight before meeting their current partner and were happy to stay that way would not be hanging out on websites for LBQ women. The women in that sample certainly represent a part of the population of partners of trans people who exist and deserve recognition and study and resources, but they probably aren’t representative of all women who date trans men. It’s impossible to give percentages, though, to know how many people fit in that group and how many people fit in the groups being systematically left out.

You see variations on that one a lot. “All the trans people here were very socially-minded and into activism” generalized to being a trait of all trans people. No, you specially found a sample of people who hung out on activist websites and were willing to write you a couple thousand words about their lives for your anthology. Presumably most trans people are not full time social justice community organizers, published authors, or university professors, like your About the Authors section ended up being. In their writings, many of these contributors complain about other trans people daring to want to go stealth and not Doing Enough For The Cause, so clearly they acknowledge that these other groups exist--but these people, despite numerically probably being a much larger portion of the community, are also by definition not telling their own side of the story.

Likewise, who hangs out on trans-specific advice websites? It seems to me it would be primarily people contemplating transitioning or early in a social and/or medical transition process who are rearranging their lives around it. Presumably the longer since someone began this process and the longer the time they had been living as their gender-of-identification, the fewer questions and less advice they would need from anyone else. So the more experienced trans people hanging around regularly would by-and-large be a particularly civic-minded subset who really want to devote their time to answering the questions of less knowledgeable and experienced people.

More generally, who hangs around general LGBT-centric websites and in-person community centers/bars who is getting recruited to trans-specific research? At a guess: 1) People who are currently living as a lesbian woman or gay man but who are thinking of coming out as trans a lot more often than people living as straight women or men but who are very early in the process of thinking of coming out as trans. People already in the gay or lesbian community may be more likely to be visibly gender-nonconforming based on those community norms, but on the other hand may be more likely to identify as “a butch lesbian” or “a camp man” and not trans initially, while gender-nonconforming straight people may turn directly to a trans identity due to lack of options for gender-nonconformity in mainstream society, but anyway. 2) People activity beginning a gender transition looking for resources. 3) Trans men and women who prefer to date queer rather than straight women or men, respectively, especially ones who prefer to identify as “queer” rather than straight themselves. 4) Trans men and women who identify as non-straight and prefer to date queer men or women, respectively. 5) Trans people who have a lot of LGBT friends and are active in the community in general. (Heck, extraverted, social people in general.)

Who probably doesn’t show up there? A lot of the trans people whose goal is to go stealth and/or only date straight people. People who weren’t active in the LGBT community pre-transition and/or aren’t interested in being active in it post-transition. Introverted people who find social interaction burdensome, so they google a specific question they have then leave, let alone frequently a venue like a singles bar. Like, say, me.

A consequence of this, which follows if you think about it, is that people using convenience samples frequently get numbers like 70, 80% of their participants identifying as having a non-straight sexual orientation. In my own research looking at population-based random sampling which happens to pick up transgender people, I see dramatically different results. There it’s more like 70, 80% of trans people identifying as straight. That’s much lower than the 95% or so straight cis population, but still much lower than what convenience samples usually see. Now, there’s quite a bit of confusion about what people mean by “straight” when sexual identity labels imply the gender of the person speaking as well as the gender(s) they are attracted to, which will vary over the lifetime of a trans person depending on how far along they are in a transition process, their social gender in day-to-day life, how they were primed for various questions. But that aside, these results make perfect sense when you consider the systematic reasons people in a convenience sample get in that sample compared to all the people in the population who don’t.

So anyway, convenience sampling isn’t some great evil that invalidates research, but its implications are things that needs thought about and treated with care, especially given how universal it is transgender research and the lack of population-based random samples for comparison.

#lgbt #transgender #academia

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pamphletstoinspire · 6 years

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Prayer For The Day - Grade 9

St. Teresa of Avila's Nine Grades of Prayer:

Preface:

St. Teresa's teaching on the following grades of prayer clearly shows us that in varying degrees all souls on earth are invited to Grade Nine in prayer, a prelude to Heaven. Since each of us is born to spend eternity with God in Heaven and that everyone living in Heaven now is praying at least in Grade Ten, we can safely assert that every single person in the whole humanity without exception is created to attain Grade Nine here and reach Grade Ten in Heaven. If Grade Nine is Heaven on earth, then Grade Ten is Heaven in Heaven. There is always sufficient grace to do so. Everything depends really on our unceasing cooperation with God's superabundant grace.

Souls, who pray and live oftentimes in a higher grade of prayer on earth, live and pray oftentimes in a higher level towards Heaven on earth. Apparently, if a soul in the state of grace cannot reach or maintain Grade Nine of Prayer upon death, then there seems to be three possible ways in which she would reach Grade Ten in Heaven: a) she may have to be given God's special mercy, e.g., a baby who dies prematurely; b) she may have to be given God's gracious intervention, e.g., a martyr in Grade 5 who would go to Heaven instantly; or c) she may have to be given extra time and grace to complete her homework in Purgatory. It appears that most of us have yet to do our very assignment here on earth.

Introduction:

Although the editor of this present website attempts to integrate the following with the Eastern Orthodox concept of God's Energy as God's grace, the essence of it is taken from Jordan Aumann, O.P., Spiritual Theology (Huntington, Indiana: Our Sunday Visitor, Inc., 1980) pp.316-357. Credits are hence due to the Holy Spirit, St. Teresa of Avila, and Rev. Prof. Jordan Aumann. To obtain the best results, readers may have to read and re-read the pages in Spiritual Theology or those in St. Teresa's works. Indeed, the purpose of this summary is reached if it could help inspire readers to further study and progress in the nine grades of prayer as taught by this woman Doctor of the Church (1515-1582). Fr. Aumann notes (Ibid., p.316):

"We are indebted to St. Teresa of Avila for the clearest and best classification of the grades of prayer. Her concept that the intensity of one's life of prayer coincides with the intensity of one's charity is based on solid theology and was confirmed by St. Pius X, who stated that the grades of prayer taught by St. Teresa represent so many grades of elevation and ascent toward Christian perfection.

These grades are (1) vocal prayer, (2) meditation, (3) affective prayer, (4) prayer of simplicity, (5) infused contemplation, (6) prayer of quiet, (7) prayer of union, (8) prayer of conforming union, and (9) prayer of transforming union. The first four grades belong to the predominantly ascetical stage of spiritual life; the remaining five grades are infused prayer and belong to the mystical phase of spiritual life."

Note: St. Teresea clearly did not mention any grade of prayer beyond the above.

A Christian more perfect in loving God and others is one who prays more perfectly or powerfully. Living and praying in a higher grade of prayer is living and praying in a greater intensity of love, grace or Divine Energy. All are called to be filled with God's grace, resembling Holy Mary who was "full of grace" in the ninth grade while living on earth.

Grade 9: Prayer of Transforming Union

According to Prof. Jordan Aumann, "The last grade of prayer is the transforming union, identified by many mystics as the spiritual marriage. It constitutes the seventh mansions of The Interior Castle of St. Teresa and is the highest degree of perfection that one can attain in this life. It is, therefore, a prelude to the beatific life of glory… In this grade of prayer there is a total transformation of the soul into the Beloved. The soul has entered into its very center, so to speak, which is the throne room of the interior castle where the Trinity dwells through grace. There God and the soul give themselves to each other in the consummation of divine love, so far as is possible in the present life. There is no more ecstasy, for the soul has now been strengthened to receive the full power of love, but in the brightness of an intellectual vision the soul experiences the Trinity with vivid awareness" (Spiritual Theology, pp.350-351)

In the words of St. Teresa, "First of all the spirit becomes enkindled and is illumined, as it were, by a cloud of the greatest brightness. It sees these three Persons, individually, and yet, by a wonderful kind of knowledge which is given it, the soul realizes that most certainly and truly all these three Persons are one substance and one power and one knowledge and one God alone; so that what we hold by faith the soul may be said here to grasp by sight, although nothing is seen by the eyes, either of the body or of the soul, for it is no imaginary vision. Here all three Persons communicate Themselves to the soul and speak to the soul and explain to it those words which the Gospel attributes to the Lord -- namely, that He and the Father and the Holy Spirit will come to dwell with the soul which loves Him and keeps His commandments." [Interior Castle, translated and edited by E. Allison Peers (New York: Doubleday, 1989) pp.209-210]

Fr. Aumann continues, "We can distinguish three elements in this loftiest degree of the prayer of union: transformation in God, mutual surrender, and the permanent union of love… Concomitant with the permanent union of love is the soul's confirmation in grace. St. John of the Cross maintains that the transformation union never falters and the soul is confirmed in grace, but St. Teresa warns that as long as we are in this world we must walk with caution, lest we offend God. However, the apparent contradiction is readily resolved when we say that confirmation in grace does not mean intrinsic impeccability, for the Church teaches that it is an impossibility in this life. Nor is it a question of avoiding all venial sins in this life, for that would require a special privilege of grace as was bestowed on the Virgin Mary. Consequently, confirmation in grace must be understood as the special grace and assistance from God to avoid all mortal sins and thus have moral certificate of salvation." (Spiritual Theology, p.352)

Concerning the awesome effects of Transforming Union, St. Teresa said: "First, there is a self-forgetfulness which is so complete that it really seems as though the soul no longer existed, because it is such that she has neither knowledge nor remembrance that there is either heaven or life or honour for her, so entirely is she employed in seeking the honour of God … The second effect produced is a great desire to suffer, but this is not of such a kind as to disturb the soul, as it did previously. So extreme is her longing for the will of God to be done in her that whatever His Majesty does she considers to be for the best… [The third effect:] When these souls are persecuted, they have a great interior joy, and much more peace... They bear no enmity to those who ill-treat them, or desire to do so. Indeed they conceive a special love for them … [The fourth effect:] They have now an equally strong desire to serve Him, and to sing His praise, and to help some soul if they can. Their conception of glory is of being able in some way to help the Crucified, especially when they see how often people offend Him … [The fifth effect:] These souls have a marked detachment from everything and a desire to be always either alone or busy with something that is to some soul's advantage. They have no aridities or interior trails but a remembrance of Our Lord and a tender love for Him … [The sixth effect:] The soul has no more raptures accompanied, that is to say, by the suspension of the senses, save very occasionally, and even then it has not the same transports and flights of the spirit … [The seventh effect:] Here to this wounded hart are given waters in abundance… Oh, Jesus! If only one knew how many things there are in Scripture which describe this peace of the soul! … I assure you, sisters, that they have no lack of crosses, but these do not unsettle them or deprive them of their peace. The few storms pass quickly, like waves of the sea, and fair weather returns, and then the Presence of the Lord which they have within them makes them forget everything." (The Interior Castle, ibid., pp.219-225)

Finally, Fr. Aumann sums up this ideal of Christian perfection as follows: "Such is the bittersweet path the leads to the heights of contemplative prayer and the transforming union. It is the sublime ideal of Christian perfection, and it is offered to all souls in grace. When Jesus pronounced the precept: 'You must be made perfect as your heavenly father is perfect' (Matt. 5:48), he was speaking to all souls without exception. The Christian life, if it is developed according to the supernatural powers that are inherent in it, will lead to the transforming union of charity, which is in turn the prelude to the beatific vision." (Spiritual Theology, p.354)

For further comments on this grade of prayer see below:

All Roads Lead To Transforming Union

Just as all roads lead to Rome, many spiritual authors feel that all roads should lead also to transforming union with God which St. Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross speak of. For example, Fr. Thomas Dubay puts it firmly as follows:(1)

"Our being filled with God is, of course, the reason for everything else in the economy of salvation … the transforming union is likewise the purpose of all else in the Church. The Eucharist itself, the Sacrament of all sacraments, is, according to the word of the Lord, aimed at producing eternal life here on earth. Jesus declares that whoever eats His flesh and drinks His Blood has eternal life. It is a life that is to be abundant, to the full. The fullness is transformation; there is no other. In this Mystical Body of Christ we are to find our fulfillment, not something less. Thus all structures in the Church - institutions, priesthood, curias, chancery offices, books and candles and all else - are aimed at producing this abundance of life, this utter immersion in triune splendor, this transforming union."

Likewise, Ralph Martin states: (2)

"Jesus wants the individuals he has chosen, the institutions he has established, the rituals he has authorized, the teaching he has given all to lead to a deeper, life-giving relationship to him in the power and freedom of the Holy Spirit. They are not ends in themselves; they are pathways and doorways to him or responses to him. When they function as substitutes for personal union with him or as obstacles, it is a grave matter to him."

(1) Fr. Thomas Dubay, S.M., Fire Within (San Francisco: Ignatius Press, 1989) pp.196-197.

(2) Ralph Martin, The Catholic Church at the End of an Age: What Is the Spirit Saying? (San Francisco: Ignatius Press, 1994) p.149.

#prayer for the day

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neshatriumphs · 7 years

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THE SOUND OF THE BEAST

Tagging: Blogging While Black, Thinking Out Loud, NeshaTriumphs, The Sound of the Beast

Date: March 15, 2017

General Notes: Blogging While Black with Nesha #2 - The policing of black girls’ and women’s bodies. (I completely intended to at least do one of these per month, but life sometimes makes it hard.)

Whenever some people get into a debate or argument, they sometimes (when they think that the other person’s points are valid) will make a suggestion to their opponent such as, “List me five.” Their argument is that if you don’t know of at least however many examples of your point that your point is invalid to them. I do a similar thing. I report, “I can think of five, off of the top of my head,” and there are other variations. Sometimes, we’re so confident that we say, “Name one!” Lol. Like, that is so far-fetched that you don’t even have a single example of this thing you speak of.

One thing that I can easily think of off the top of my head are examples of which black girls’ bodies are policed. When black girls’ bodies are policed, they are policed in more than one way. They are figuratively policed. “Dark girls can’t wear bright colors, black girls shouldn’t twerk on camera, white girls have big asses, so black girls everywhere are losing” and other classics are included in this type. It is simply a verbal declaration. It is a spoken anti black girl sentiment that a majority of society will cosign or silently support.

It is every suggestion that the ishas, ekas, ethas, are collectively less than Becky and her kind. It is in mentality and in conversation. It is black women getting less credit for their beauty types and styles than the white women who cop those same looks. It is the audiences of black men dressed as black women caricatures becoming the critics of the very same women that those comedians get famous for emulating and imitating.

It seems small. It seems small when she’s just “not a preference” or when she’s only the butt of “a joke.” The “I feel as beautiful as Queen Latifah” blackface joke in a charcoal mask (that shit hasn’t been funny once, but bitches stay using it). It is the idea that black women are a joke. It is black women and girls being the punchline.

The other policing done to black girls is a physical one. It is the police tackling them in classrooms and at pool parties in their bikinis. The outrage always seems to come predominantly from other black women and girls. Most other groups, as with the “Punchline Policing,” they will cosign or silently support. Some might think, the police manhandles our black men, too. Yes, they do... and nobody in the past has rushed into battle quicker than black women have when this occurs.

BUT. With black women... She doesn’t get that support. She doesn’t get the outrage. She gets a trial. She gets a sentence. The verdict? Somehow guilty. She was “acting like a bitch, a smart ass, a hoodrat, a man, a whatever word will justify that her body deserved to be treated like that. It is black woman and girls being the punching bag.

And not only will the police do this, but citizens will do this. When the teacher cuts off a little black girl’s braid for “not paying attention.” When a white bitch knocks a black girl down the stairs in daycare. Society determines “Well, those were innocent kids. That was wrong.” But... it suddenly isn’t wrong when a bus driver uppercuts a mouthy chick that could have easily just been put off of the bus. In those instances, the black woman gets to be the punchline AND the punching bag. Because, if anybody remembers, people all over the color spectrum found that bullshit HILARIOUS.

This type of policing of the black female body is why beauty store workers think that they have some type of right to accuse a black woman of stealing and put her in a choke hold during business hours. This type of policing of the black female body has a growing pile of black trans women dying. This type of policing has black teenagers missing by the dozens. This type of policing is the branch that puts its hands on all of those girls and women that punchline policing dehumanized with jokes and insults.

To the point that we have had to make Black Girls Rock and Black Girl Magic, and be vigilant defenders of each other while also being passionate cheerleaders for each other. Because, the rest of these people, whether they believe us to be just a joke or believe us to be actual targets for their aggression... They are the same. They support the machine that would grind us up every single day.

We are all we have. I love y’all. We don’t have to meet. You don’t have to prove yourself. I may not remember your name tomorrow. But, you’re my sister. When those lights start flashing, and the dog whistle politics start swirling... I know that sound too, and I promise to show up for you when I hear it.

#blogging while black #thinking out loud #neshatriumphs #the sound of the beast #Unshackled Monologues

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