#essays on feelings

[eddywoww]

You’re not bad for being unemotional.

You’re not bad for feeling numb sometimes.

You’re not bad for losing sense of yourself and not knowing how to get back.

Not being able to articulate your emotions doesn’t make you mean. Sometimes craving closeness and then not craving it at all is not a fatal flaw. You’re just a human being and everyone is different.

#also like note to self I guess #I am trying to be positive 💀 #essays on feelings

[cemeterything]

"i wish i could exfoliate my brain" you can. by reading things that challenge you.

#🐉 #intellectually ethically morally emotionally etc. #once you find a decent book or essay that hits just right you will feel the dead layers flaking off

[setaflow]

Gay pride happens in June and gay wrath happens whenever hbomberguy drops a 3+ hour video essay about a specific topic

#hbomberguy #Just watched the full 4 hour plagiarism video and go OFF you funky bisexual king #Also I feel like people casually mention that Internet Historian and that Blare chick should've gotten mentioned more but honestly #Good on him for taking down Luke Stephens too-- who is now afaik a huge channel for video game news #So anyway video good go watch it and go support queer content creators who are not James Somerton :) #See y'all in 2024 when he drops a 5 hour essay on Onion farming or whatever #Seta speaks #top posts #5k #10k

[dollopheadsandclotpoles]

Saw a reddit post today about a girl who was upset that her childhood best friend replaced a photo of the two of them in his wallet with one of him and his girlfriend. And while yeah, she was being unreasonable with a lot of what she was saying, I totally understand the sadness of a friend "replacing" you with someone they have romantic feelings for. Makes it worse when the top comment is this

Every single comment on this post is about how family and romantic relationships always take precedence over friendships. I don't have anything more to say to this aside from the fact that... this is why it's hard for aroaces to imagine futures for themselves. Society drills it into your head that you're going to live in a world where you are no one's priority if you don't have romantic relationships and it fucking sucks

#you know what's validating though #Daniel Sloss's bit on his best girl friend... the STARK opposite of this #aro stuff #ace stuff #aroace tag #aromantic #asexual #aroace #aro #ace #asexuality #aromanticism #i feel like I ought to add more and make this like a powerful essay #but it's too late rn i'm too tired

[ashleyloob]

this can't just be me but do you ever hear a YouTubers voice and immediately click off because you just can't stand how they sound and don't know why. even if the content itself is fine

#theres so many good video essays i absolutely can not watch bc their voice just drives me insane #idk why im like this omg #i think if any voice sounds 'fake' it makes me feel super unsettled #i am begging YouTubers to pls use their normal talking voice 😭

[cock-holliday]

Idk a lot of the backlash to broadening who falls under what terms comes from the need to distinctly fall under the specific label you worked towards…but distance from adjacent labels only limits your allies and puts you in a rigid box you can’t come back out of either.

Saw a post by a trans woman horrified by the concept of having overlapping experience with femboys because “fuck you I am a woman.” You are. A woman with a lot of overlapping experience with a GNC man. You’re not a GNC man. He’s not a woman. And the gap between you two is not a chasm.

“How dare you say trans men are similar to butch lesbians. Trans men are men.” Yeah, men with similar experiences to butch lesbians. The butch lesbian isn’t a man. You aren’t a woman. And the gap between you is not a chasm.

This mindset doesn’t even account for GNC men who also ID as women, trans men who use the label of lesbian. Butch can be a label for a person of either AGAB.

Binary trans people wanna separate themselves from each other and from nonbinary people sooo bad. Now it makes eggs feel like the jump from GNC woman to man is an insurmountable journey. A femboy gets told he’s making a mockery of trans women’s experiences. A transmasc femboy is seen as just a faker. A butch trans lesbian is seen as a faker.

These labels are all just plots on the map, not one side or the other. You journey to the farthest edges and you find twinks and lesbians who look and act identical despite being supposed opposites. It’s all made up, we’re all queer.

#LJsm #anyway whether you are butch or not #please read the titular essay Butch is a Noun #it does a beautiful job of hitting on how a label can encompass so many identities #and one persons use may contradict anothers and that’s fine #if you take two cis women and hold them up to each other is their presentation feeling and grasp of womanhood the same?

[shitpostingkats]

An Asexual's love letter to Good Omens 2

There's an infamous quote by Neil Gaiman going around, regarding the general vibe of season 2, and many people (I believe humorously) yelling that it could not be further from the truth. Particularly in the last episode, where that happens.

I disagree.

The final episode of season 2 was deeply, deeply comforting to me. 

I am asexual. Have been my whole life. Even before I had the words to describe what that was, child-me had this feeling in their gut of being an outlier, that everyone was exaggerating, or in on some joke, that I wasn’t privy to. Because I was bombarded on all sides by shows and movies and books, telling the same story of love, again, and again, and AGAIN. It’s drilled into our brains with the same fervor as the days of the week, or the quadratic formula. Meet-cute -> misunderstanding ->declaration of feelings ->kiss. More or less steps can be added to account for runtime or complexity of narrative, but that’s the basic structure that a relationship follows. It MUST be, because that’s the formula every character who's ever been in a story goes through, often times when it even feels like an add-on, like it’s only there because this is a story, there HAS to be a romance. And it has to follow the steps.

For a long time, I felt love wasn’t for me, because if there’s only one way to be in love, I sure as hell wasn’t feeling it. 

Instead, the relationship I ended up in looked a lot like what Beezlebub and Gabriel go through. Meeting someone routinely until it starts to feel comfortable. Getting to know them and slowly growing more attached. Eating chips and listening to music.

We like to joke whenever someone asks us how long we’ve been together, because the answer is we just sort of slowly fell into it, and we honestly don’t know when the line got blurred between ‘friends’ and ‘partners’. And, at least for me, a good deal of that confusion, that hesitancy to label, came from the fact that what I was feeling, what we were, couldn’t be love. It couldn’t be romantic. 

We were just quiet and gentle.

And that wasn’t love.

Because it was slow, because it wasn’t physical, because there was no structure aside from consistency and companionship. Because it didn’t follow the Rules.

Then I found myself in stories, and it felt like a revelation.

Beelzebub and Gabriel aren’t the first time I’ve seen a love like I feel represented in a narrative, but it never stops feeling special. And I don’t know if I’ll ever stop celebrating it.

Throughout the sequence in the pub, I kept expecting them to “confirm” Gabriel and Beelzebub. A dramatic line, a kiss, a whatever. That’s what I’ve been taught to expect, after all, that’s the only way a relationship is “real”. Of course, this doesn't mean Crowley and Aziraphale sharing a dramatic kiss is wrong, or that I can’t see why it resonated with so many people, but for me. Those moments in the pub are worth so much more.The last scene might have been literally showstopping, but those handful of moments between the duke of hell and an archangel were the beating heart of the season for me. A simple love story in four scenes. No kisses. No ‘I love you’s. Not even any definition of what. The love Gabriel and Beelzebub have is strong enough for them to both want to shatter their worlds and flee their lives and it's just. 

It's just that. 

Two people in a pub, playing the other's favorite song, giving a little gift, buying a packet of crisps. 

That sequence means far more to me than any kiss ever could.

Love isn’t only real when it's hot and sudden and ephemeral, it can also be

Quiet.

And gentle.

And still romantic.

Still real.

#I sometimes remember this sequence and just feel so light inside #good omens #good omens season 2 #good omens season 2 spoilers #good omens s2 #good omens s2 spoilers #asexual #ace #ace pride #actually asexual #asexual spectrum #essays #ineffable bureaucracy #lord beelzebub #archangel gabriel

[st-hedge]

I can’t believe they’d managed to animate kusuriuri’s insane character design and then decided to make it even more insane. The most character ever

#mononoke 2024 #mononoke kusuriuri #I love his new (old???) scene kid get up so much #it’s absolutely insane #I know what I drew is inaccurate I tried to piece it to together from screenshots #and sorry for posting thr process pics and then deleting them I realise I finished the painting an hour later #but anyway I seriously feel like I could write an essay about this guy #I wish I knew a lick about Japanese literary tropes #cuz there’s such insane romance to this series and the character of kusuriuri #and I don’t mean like romantic love #I mean like a courtly romance #and UUGGHHHHH A #ITS JUST FASCINATING

[akajustmerry]

She cried for other reasons too — that the “Succession” chapter of her life has ended. “I’ll never have an opportunity to speak those lines, or get given new lines, new jokes, new worlds for Shiv and Roman to exist in together,” Snook says. “Just sadness for never getting a moment to play with these brilliant actors again.” (When I tell her that Culkin had said to me that perhaps Shiv and Roman might make up at some point, Snook brightens. “I feel like Shiv and Roman would reconcile in a way where he would be the shitty but great weird uncle for her kid, and there might be some sort of strange little family unit that gets splintered off.”) - Sarah Snook, Variety.

Kieran Culkin as Roman Roy and Sarah Snook as Shiv Roy | Succession (2018-2023)

#successionedit #sarah snook #kieran culkin #roman roy #shiv roy #succession #tv #could write a dissertation on how i feel about roman and shiv but it would just be an essay on why i love my brother (and hate him lol) #/

[astrolavas]

thinking about the... potential clawthorne woodcarving mentorship.

+ bonus cuz also thinking abt how if hunter ever met dell's palisman and got reminded of flapjack, he'd probably feel bad abt making that association cuz he knows what it's like to be seen only as someone's different version (even though the bird wouldn't mind much so lol)

#eda having that palistrom seed.. hunter saying he wants to learn how to carve palisman... his relation to clawthornes. it HAS to mean STH js #the owl house #toh #hunter toh #toh hunter #hahaa always thinking abt hunter growing a soft spot for palismen and loving creating and bringing them to life #but never being able to replace flapjack no matter how many palismen for other ppl he carves. I'M GONNA- #:((((( :/// #like he's not going to want to replace flapjack just like that rn. cuz he LOVES that bird. it's gonna be so hard for him to just.. Move On #and flapjack's a PART of him.. so very curious where they'll go with this because..... HM. HM like he serves as his disability aid almost #and he can't just REMAKE him. but he cannot also just.... ignore what happened straight away. but it's also important to heal #but whatever he decides to do i feel like he'd love to just............ create. whether it be for himself or others #BUT GAH. ANYWAY XKJSJSK wrote an essay abt this already don't need to write one in the tags TOO. so uh .. yea #little guy.. pls find happiness #my art #fanart #hunter #hunter noceda #hunter wittebane #eda #eda clawthorne #dell #dell clawthorne #dell's palisman #toh art #edalyn clawthorne #also like...... if flapjack and dell's palisman were caleb's and evelyn's palismen...... and knew each other........ #and while flapjack was waiting for his new person at the bat queen's cave dell's palisman was being passed down clawthorne generations #OUUHGHHHHGHHHH they were probably friends..... they Knew each other #what's up with you you mysterious yellow bird with eyebrows...... what's your story

[amphibianaday]

day 1421

#uh just a heads up if you expand the tags to see all there's. a lot. very long #amphibian #frog #poison dart frog #based on my most popular frog to date (day 651) #inspired by everyone pointing out what they think it looks like #here's a fun secret fact the original guy is actually a phantasmal poison dart frog (Epipedobates tricolor) #(according to the original artists title of the drawing) #not Anthony's poison arrow frog (Epipedobates anthonyi) #i feel too awkward to really point it out though because they look the exact same. i cannot tell if there is a difference #im half convinced the same frog was just discovered and named twice #its very curious btw if you go on the (english) wikipedia page for either species it doesn't mention the other #while hereptiles.info (no idea if this is a trustworthy site) lists both names as common names for the same frog (incorrectly??) #while inaturalist lists them as two different frogs. curiously with tricolor having wayyyyy fewer photos #ok anyway that's my rant i went on a whole journey trying to figure out if these are the same frog or not and i have no answer #i did some more 'research' and i am more confused. some sources seem to imply they are now considered the same species ( e. tricolor) #i think my conclusion is i am willing to agree the drawing looks more like e. anthonyi. it seems like tricolor is generally less vibrant re #and the white is darker and more green? #i feel like thumblr should stop me from typing more in the tags at this point this is a whole essay #at this point i am failry convinced this is specifically the Santa Isabel frog. isthat the real subspecies or morph or whatever #or just the name pet sites are using to sell it?? #i even found some sources (frog selling websites) refering to it as “Epipedobates Anthonyi 'Santa Isabel' Phantasmal Poison Dart Frog” lol #Anyways if you read this far hi. species are confusing. i am not a frog scientist #the first few tags are like an hour old now i just kept trying to figure it out and adding more tags

[eddywoww]

I don’t think I love my dad.

I do love him, don’t get me wrong. I just don’t think he’s ever really been my dad. I think it’s taken me this long to realize it.

When I was a child, I looked up to my father for working so much. He provided a lot for my family, so it was hard to connect the dots. To realize that our relationship wasn’t picturesque the way other families were, to realize I didn’t see him the way other kids saw their dads.

My dads always been mean. Mostly to my mom. She hid it really well when we were growing up, not wanting us to see how he acted. He never hit her, never threw punches. But he’s always had words like barbedwire, he’s always known how to shout his way out of a fight.

When I was a kid, I dreaded family vacation. I both loved and hated Christmas break because my mom loves Christmas. She decorated so much, loved Santa. But my father would be off work and that meant he would be home all the time. When he was home too long, he’d grow restless. If he grew restless, he’d grow mean. Him and my brother would fight endlessly, yelling and shouting at each other while I spent my time with my hands pressed to my ears in my room.

Angry, angry men.

I grew so tired of angry men, poking at each other for no reason.

It felt like I grew up with an extra sibling. Someone who was sometimes kind, sometimes giving. I started to realize that the parts of my father that were giving were all my mother. My mothers conscience, my mothers kindness. My mother standing behind him and telling him what to do, what was right. It could be argued that my father is simply unaware of how he acts sometimes, that there’s a childish shine to who he is. But that means that I didn’t grow up with a father because he’s never felt like a father to me.

I wrote an essay about him once. Because it felt right. Because there was an instructor looking at me, telling me to write about my hero. And I was so mad at my mom at the time for a number of reasons, so I wrote about my father. I lied and lied on paper and the instructor cried when she read it, asked if she could use it as an example on her classes. My dad cried when he read it and I let it rot away at my insides, I let it eat me up. I wondered what was so wrong with me that I could lie so blatantly and have everyone believe me.

Despite our relationship, I think my mother deserved it more. We’re the same, her and I. We don’t talk about feelings, we don’t cry. We suck it up and put on a clear face for everyone else. I’m so very lucky to have a partner now who doesn’t require me to mask.

My mom never had that and she still loves my father. So why does it feel so difficult for me to love him? He’s getting worse every year. Meaner and more difficult and harder for anyone to be around. The cycle continues, on and on.

I don’t think I love my dad like you love a father. I know my mom has been a mother to me, no matter our differences. I know she’s hid us from the cycle of abuse, done her best over the years. Despite any issue I’ve ever had with her, I know she’s my mom.

It feels a lot like mourning, admitting it.

#tw abuse #essays on feelings

[bardandbear]

But whose heart would not take flight? Betray the moon as acolyte On first and fierce affirming sight Of sunlight, sunlight, sunlight

#bg3 #bg3 edit #bg3 screenshots #astarion #i have so many fucking FEELINGS about this scene #like the bathing in sunlight would be powerful enough #but it's freedom it's cleansing it's healing it's peace #in the context of what happened the previous night #he doesn't want to turn and look at the PC #his FACE when he has to #UGH #I could write essays #novels #epics

[turtleblogatlast]

I think a lot about Leo standing up for his brothers in the things that really matter to them.

Like- Leo is the one who immediately pushes Mikey and Donnie into finding Raph the second it’s clear that their oldest brother is missing because he knows Raph can’t handle being separated like that.

Leo is the one who stands up for Mikey when Mikey wants to go on a solo mission, actively vouching for him and being the one to convince Raph into letting Mikey go, because being independent and proving himself just as capable of standing on his own two feet as everyone else means so much to Mikey.

And Leo defends Donnie’s honor in particular when his brothers’ intelligence is insulted because Leo is well aware of how important Donnie’s smarts are to him - and how important having those smarts valued and acknowledged is as well.

All this goes right into just how well Leo knows his brothers. For as much as he’ll tease or fight with them, he knows them, and he loves them.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leo #rottmnt headcanons #rise leo #listen Leo loves his family SO MUCH #and like it’s no accident that Leo is consistently the one to give pep talks that #very notably #are less ‘everyone as a group’ and more ‘all of you individually’ #it’s heartening to see honestly and like #it works with how he is as both a person and as a fighter #he knows people he knows them so well he knows how they work what they’re like #which is SO USEFUL for subterfuge AND portal/teleportation strategy #my guy is charming his charisma comes from his understanding of people at an individual level #when he wants to be he is very very good at that #he’s still a teen who is too cocky for his own good at times but that does not negate his stellar other moments #he can be selfish he can be mean he can be rude but when push comes to shove he is so quick to stand up for his family #Mikey’s statement at the end of the movie about how Leo NEVER gave up on THEM is so important because it’s not JUST about the movie!! #that’s Leo as a whole he will never give up on his bros #portal jacked is telling of this too because although it has a lot of comedic moments #never once does Leo stop looking for a way to get his bros back #they’re everything to him #he’s the face man he’s a people person and he’s the number 1 pet turtle which I will discuss the implications of in this essay- #Will also say that when Leo does these moments of standing up for his bros he’s never expecting praise for it #he’s just glad they find Raph he just smiles when Mikey tells him he loves him he never mentions defending Donnie #leo has a tendency to show off fancy glittery moves but his real actions and feelings are sooo much more lowkey #that you have to be actively looking for them to catch them all #and I really really like that about him it’s so interesting HE is so interesting

[gummi-ships]

#kingdom hearts dream drop distance #khddd #sora #riku #nightmare's end #mirage split #my gif #i was going to write up a whole thing in the tags about my thoughts on this keyblade #but i just know it'll be an incoherent essay because i can't properly articulate my thoughts #the x-blade must be forged through a clash of light and darkness #but i find it so highly significant that sora and riku can create their own keyblade which is so unheard of #this keyblade isn't created with a clash but rather through harmony and balance #not with conflict but with understanding and connection and love #and i always felt as though that's how the x-blade SHOULD be forged. that master xehanort went about it all wrong #because balance and connections are such important themes in these games #it has two handles and looks so regal when combined. all of the shapes feel reminiscent of the x-blade too #it shines so brilliantly with both sora and riku's symbols. the heart and crown which is the iconic logo for the entire series #also the way stained glass is always used to represent hearts. it's so significant! #and yeah the paupu fruit keychain is its own thing to unpack #okay so i ended up writing something anyway but there's still so much more #i just really hope we get to see more of this in future games because it would be shocking if it was nothing more than a cool combo attack

[ask-the-rag-dolly]

okay unhinged essay about ragatha probably #1 idk i don't think this is all of my thoughts but here's what i could actually put down

i think the most surprising thing for me Personally is getting a lot of my interpretations of ragatha correct ? like . the thing that almost destroyed my motivation for this blog is the fear that my unhinged overanalyzation of her mannerisms in the pilot were Wrong - i actually thought about canceling everything when i was off from canon - but now ... yeah i'm not doing that

i guess it's just that we had so little of her in the first episode that i thought i was Manifesting her issues but Nope she really is this much of a Loser

first of all ! i suspected that she has low self-esteem but Goodness Gracious !! i didn't expect it to be Actually almost non-existent ?? like i thought i was Exaggerating for this blog but no , no person with a normal amount of self-esteem would Warp an incident so much in their head that they somehow believe something going wrong is Their Fault .

like she's so focused on pomni the entire episode because she Genuinely believes that the fiasco in the first day was her fault ( even though IT WASN'T , but she's really that used to quickly blaming herself ) and wants to make it up to her . but of course pomni is still adjusting and is Overwhelmed by everything ( which is understandable ) so she's not really in the mood for ragatha's bullshit

but with how ragatha reacts and what she subsequently tells kinger - she read those more as ' i do not like you ' than ' i am too fatigued to care about anything right now ' which is such a Large leap , but considering she was the one who Apologized to pomni for giving her a stressful first day ( which was COMPLETELY out of her control , ) it makes sense that she assumes that pomni has something against her - which was not helped by how none of ragatha's attempts of starting a friendship were reciprocated

i do understand why she would Think it's her fault - as pomni's a newcomer and More Stress is the last thing she needs , especially in her first day - but ' oh she doesn't like me ' is still Such a hasty conclusion that someone who already ... Doesn't Like Themself would jump to .

of course i can't not talk about the potential history between her and kinger . through their dialogue you can tell that ragatha's one of those people that took a batshit long time to truly adjust to the circus - which has a lot of interesting implications . with how she seems to understand the process of finding an exit in episode 1 , it explains a lot . my girl was so Not well when she entered the circus .

honestly it's just nice seeing that ragatha at least has Some support despite her being the one who holds everything together - it makes the ending impactful in my opinion ; they do really care for each other and will be saddened if one of them is gone .

also of course she asked if everyone's alright despite having a cleaver to the head ...

something that also has been nagging me for a long time is how much she always gets the short end of the stick . like , literally every time she's on screen , she Has To Get Harmed in some way . i would brush this off as slapstick when her official pin doesn't have her HAVING A KNIFE TO THE CHEST ???

Maybe it's just slapstick . maybe with her having parallels to kaufmo considering how he's said to be a goofy toxic positivity type guy like ragatha and is the one that has abstracted thus far is just a coincidence and doesn't speak levels to what might become inevitable as the series goes on ,

#[ ooc ] #[ ESSAY WARNING ] #tadc #the amazing digital circus #tadc spoilers #the amazing digital circus spoilers #tadc ragatha #|| #couldn't find a way to fit this into the post but #something about her just screams ' abandonment issues ' and i don't think i have enough evidence to prove it but . the feeling's there