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#also like note to self I guess

eddywoww · 10 months

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You’re not bad for being unemotional.

You’re not bad for feeling numb sometimes.

You’re not bad for losing sense of yourself and not knowing how to get back.

Not being able to articulate your emotions doesn’t make you mean. Sometimes craving closeness and then not craving it at all is not a fatal flaw. You’re just a human being and everyone is different.

#also like note to self I guess #I am trying to be positive 💀#essays on feelings

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anderstrevelyan · 2 months

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I think my favourite thing about this sequence is Ketheric using fancy scroll paper, and also signing his own full name and title while refusing to use Gortash's. Power moves.

(I think he just calls himself "Ketheric" in the other notes to Gortash! But he does call himself "General Ketheric Thorm" in notes to underlings like Balthazar.)

#enver gortash #ketheric thorm #bg3 #bg3 spoilers #...you can tell where I'm at in my replay based on what little bits of lore I'm documenting for myself #I'm also curious if there's a more vitriolic letter (the 'more to say about this when time allows') that just isn't in-game #or he's really bristling at being ordered at like an underling I guess!#note to self: don't call ketheric 'K'

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fromperdition4 · 1 month

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Kinn's Soft Heart

Alright, I love Tankuhn, and I see how hard he's trying to protect his brother from the guy who broke his heart - but this was the worst thing he could have said to Kinn.

Because Kinn is thinking about his loved ones here, and that's his main problem!

Almost everything Kinn does is for his family - shooting Tawan after his last betrayal, taking over as heir for Tankuhn, sharpening his edges to be the leader his family needs him to be - and wanting to do what's best for his family is what's driving him to follow through with his plan here too.

So many characters doubt Kinn's motivations in this episode, believing he'll be swayed by his old feelings for Tawan - brought down by his soft heart:

But Kinn isn't fooled by Tawan. He's only playing along with him so that they (Pete) can get evidence he was sent by the minor family, and maybe figure out what Vegas is planning, along the way.

Where he makes a misstep is in not talking to Porsche about his plans.

Which I see as an overcorrection on Kinn's part.

Because we see him want to bring Porsche in - he goes to him after meeting with Tawan, probably to talk over what they should do about him refusing to cooperate - but then he finds Porsche chumming with Vegas.

And as much as Kinn loves Porsche, as much as he wants to trust him, he's been in a similar situation before - when he ignored Big's warning about Tawan (and probably other warning signs as well), and hurt his family in the process.

So, after all the reminders Kinn's gotten about his previous mistake - one of the biggest regrets of his life - he's now faced with the possibility that he could be fooled again.

And that, along with all the jealousy he feels whenever he sees Porsche being friendly with Vegas, leads him to accept Tawan's terms and leave Porsche in the dark. Then, when Porsche (who has his own trust issues to work through) gets caught spying on them later, Kinn punishes him - thinking, once again, about his family first and what it would look like if he didn't.

But, of course, Kinn does still know, in his heart, that Porsche wouldn't betray him. Even when he finds Porsche escaping with Vegas (while coming down to Porsche's cell to finally talk things out), he still ultimately trusts him.

Because he loves Porsche.

And Kinn will always put his loved ones first.

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ruelpsen · 7 months

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Honestly, as someone who has been going through fictosexual attraction for years and also didn't know how to deal with it at first: Just write and think about the most self-indulgent bullshit you can picture. It is the only way to keep sane or so I've found.

Oh I'm already on it, believe me. In fact, here's a little snippet from what I've been working on...

"Are you... turned on by this too?" you ask. "I'm not sure," he growls. "I will admit it's not something I've ever involved in my... liaisons before. But seeing you so desperate like this is always sure to awaken a hunger in me. Or rather-" he pauses for a moment, burping again- "a thirst." With that, he kisses you deeply once more. You feel his fangs press against your lips as you moan with pleasure. You grip the back of his shirt as your hips instinctively buck against his, suddenly jostling his body. He abruptly breaks his lips away from yours only to turn his head to the side and release a short, thick belch. "Apologies," he says. "I didn't want to be..." He trails off, lost in thought for a moment. He eyes you for a second, observing the redness in your cheeks and the pleading look in your eyes. "On second thought, you'd like that, wouldn't you?" "Yes," you moan. "God, yes." "My, my, what a nasty little creature you are..."

#needless to say this is probably the most self indulgent thing i've ever written #if he can't burp in my mouth for real this is the next best thing #also gives me something fun to do while procrastinating on studying for some exams lmao #but yeah. an x r/eader involving my fav burping in my mouth. it's fun #already at a few hundred words even though i skipped the exposition for now and haven't even gotten to the actual screwing yet #i can for sure link to it once it's done bc i probably will put it on a/o3 tbfh #if the stuff you want to read seemingly exists nowhere online you just have to diy it #and then lay your sins bare in an anon upload so other freaks (affectionate) like you can enjoy it #ask #answered #anon #ruelpsen writes #<- i mean. i guess #also worth noting that this is what the 'kill the cop in your head' post i made was about #londarling

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always-a-joyful-note · 7 months

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How do I explain this? (Spoilers for Enstars Sanctuary story)

Sanctuary is the story of a guy who woke up in a strange world with weird looking monsters and empty streets with a guy who was his former theatre club president. Except the theatre club president (implied to be a bit of a cryptid except this world definitely has no magic) had somehow mentally regressed back to his five-year-old self, which is fine because he's a genius, and now the guy and his former club president have to deal with this strange place together. But the side story is that two of his friends are being shown around what is basically a cult disguised as an amusement park to indoctrinate people into believing they can become idols and apply to work in that industry. And there's also another side story in which the guy's other friend is being harassed by a middle aged man who's kidnapped their goddess, basically, and is also the mastermind behind the overarching plot in the villainous sense. Also, the former theatre club president's new team, specifically that team's leader, is perpetuating the idol cult because he's got a twisted obsession with idols and believes that to farm them is the only way they won't be discouraged by those with exceptional talent and skill.

But in reality, this is just the story of a lonely teenager who could only find a little bit of freedom to express his abandoned child self in a messed up system that another teenager (who is very smart but just doesn't understand human relationships) created because he cares about nothing but in reality cares about everything and perpetuates a cycle of constant destruction to keep his one obsession alive.

But even further than that, Sanctuary and the whole SS ARC is just a story of a bunch of high schoolers/recent high school graduates who want to sing getting tangled up in a very dangerous mafia-esque world and sometimes realizing that they should call the police or some law reinforcement but forgetting to do so every. single. time.

#note stop getting into media that offers such compelling philosophies that you blatantly disagree with challenge i guess?#i could go on a spiel about how eichi saying 'i need to continue this path of destruction for those victims i destroyed in the past'...#...is kind of self-perpetuating that cycle of destruction and teetering on using victim blaming #sort of like that one story i reblogged a while ago about the villain who counted every person they killed...#...and were brutally rebuffed by the hero #but that isnt to say i hate eichi...honestly i cant help but just feel sorry for him #because he obviously isnt as detached and or as smart as he tries to be #but he also is definitely not as in love with idols as he thinks he is rather than hes kind of obsessed with them which causes....problems #same with wataru (and whats with that mysterious old couple that im 90% sure are his foster parents?)#like i know theyre very complex and annoying and mysterious to the other characters #and they are insane. that i will not deny. if they were real id probably not be able to keep up #but as a reader theyre just lonely and definitely acting way cooler than they actually are (same with ibara sorry guys)#enstars #ensemble stars #fandom spamdom #stuff i say #enstars sanctuary spoilers #also i will say this....wataru and eichi deserve each other but also i want to pry them apart because they are NOT HELPING THE OTHER #by the way i say all of this from a point of deep amusement because this is very fun #dont take me too seriously cause im probably wrong or misinterpreting #need my disclaimer tag again but its not showing up so disclaimer these are all just my personal opinions #anyway i stand by my last post in saying the ra*bits members need a break #AND I DEFINITELY STAND BY MY DECLARATION THAT SOME SORT OF LAW REINFORCEMENT SHOULD BE CALLED #like i know that police arent great but there are CRIMES HAPPENING COME ON????#like take everything ive said on this blog as a complete joke except for that....the amount of times these teenagers have been...#...threatened with death/bodily harm/destruction of their beloved ones is kinda funny when they do it to each other #and kinda concerning when a shady middle aged man im pretty sure isnt going to be *that* bad in the end but fails in talk does it #i have rambled pardon me

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void-kissed · 1 year

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taken life, given soul (Xenoblade Ship Week 2023 Day 1)

Vanea's work in constructing Face Nemesis requires a suitable pilot to house the soul of Lady Meyneth. After finally acquiring a worthy candidate, she is surprised to learn that the chosen Homs still lives after the procedure, and is even more surprised at her willingness to strike up conversation with a supposed enemy. (2311 words)The second part of this writing replaces the Face Nemesis cutscene from the end of Chapter Six.

This is the first meeting between Vanea and my self-insert, Citri! ..Not the most conventional or romantic of first meetings, but here it is in writing nonetheless! Despite being a couple of days late on the finishing, I decided that hopefully this could be fitted to this year's Xenoblade Chronicles ship week, as set up by a friend of mine - I hope that that's alright ^-^

(Anyone is welcome to comment on or reblog my work if they wish, as long as my DNI is respected! Tag list and document transcript are under the readmore.)

Document transcript:

The Central Factory that lay within the chest of the Mechonis was where all Homs were taken after their capture, ready to be repurposed in the bodies of the Faced Mechon and used to assault the titan they had once dwelled upon. The recent attack on Colony 9 had provided the Mechon with some valuable resources, even if some of the initial reports were conveying worrying news about a new wielder of the Monado arising. Within the metal walls of the facility, new Mechon soldiers of all kinds were constantly being manufactured, mass-produced Faces among them. All operations were brilliantly orchestrated by the lone man spearheading the charge against the Bionis, who even now was doubtless deep in thought about how best to proceed in his efforts.

However, in an illuminated chamber that sat above the rest of the vast factory, his sister - a similarly-tall Machina woman with long grey hair - was overseeing the automated construction of a vast white-silver figure. Its parts all towered above her, interlaced with golden details and a doubled red diamond on its helmet-like faceplate. Below the mechanical figure lay an additional array of compatible pieces resembling parts of a human body, ready and waiting for a pilot to be fitted into them. Dozens of individual pieces were being put together by fine machinery, each one being subtly tweaked or modified as the woman carefully adjusted the many glowing controls before her, but the overall structure had yet to be properly assembled.

"Lady Vanea." came a sudden voice from the communication system above the woman. "There is a matter which requires your attention."

"What is it?" Vanea responded, addressing the empty chamber with cautious, distracted uncertainty. "I am still trying to resolve the faults in this Face's digits; can the matter not wait until this is resolved?"

The other voice seemed to pause, but only for a moment, before continuing its announcement. "It is about the pilot for the Face you are currently working on. Two potential candidates have been identified by our preliminary systems."

That was enough to catch Vanea's ear, as her eyes widened slightly before she finally turned her head to face the other voice. "..Very well. Please bring them here immediately, then."

A few robotic chirps could be heard, before further machinery began to whir into action - this time at the other end of the chamber, which Vanea had now turned to face with her back to the silver Face's controls. Its parts continued to be constructed without her direction, aside from what should have eventually become its pilot's fingers, given that they still lacked the proper range of movement to be fitted onto such an important Faced Mechon.

After a few moments, an opening appeared in the dark metal floor of the chamber, and the bodies of two young Homs women were lifted up through it, held up by actuators from the factory. Both looked somewhat similar at the first glance, being the same height and appearing of similar age - they both had golden blonde hair (though one wore it in a long dishevelled plait where the other's only fell to just past her shoulders), and as they were each scanned for further information, Vanea could see on the displays that they both had dark green eyes. One had freckles dotting her shoulders and rounded cheeks, and was littered with a number of scrapes and bruises, while the other's skin was clearer and she appeared to have suffered one particularly significant wound that had clawed at her clavicle.

"..What about these Homs has marked them out as worthy vessels?" Vanea asked, before the continued operations of the myriad machines circling each Homs began to output the pertinent results on the floating screens around her in the chamber. Carefully examining the data that had been gathered, Vanea found the answers lying within each girl's scanned memories, snapshots playing from them like a slideshow - the pair clearly shared a long history with not only each other, but also several other inhabitants of their home colony, and one boy with light blonde hair stood out particularly strongly to the Machina.

"..The Heir of the Monado." she said aloud in recognition. "They were both friends with him, it would seem.."

She pored over the memories closely, trying to glean what information she could about the two Homs' personalities from them. It seemed like somewhat of an invasion of privacy to do this, but it was of the utmost importance that everything was as perfect as it could be for her current project, so such measures had to be taken to ensure the correct compatibility. Finally, after some time, she had made her decision - it was the freckled Homs with the longer hair who would be used for this purpose, due to the piercing injury sustained by the other one potentially making it difficult for the key component to be added correctly. The glimpses of her many days spent pursuing scientific endeavours with the Monado's newest wielder had also caught Vanea's eye more strongly.

"Please take this girl and prepare her for piloting Nemesis." the Machina stated to her assistant machinery, before turning to look over her shoulder at the unfortunate error still blaring from the screens behind her. "..Adjust the current pilot specifications to her body plan, but- try to preserve her original hands, if possible. That may have to be the workaround for the defects in the current digits, non-ideal though it may be.."

She then sighed, and addressed the chosen girl's companion.

"This other one does still hold promise, though.. Perhaps see whether any of our experimental designs might be compatible with her frame - Azure, for example."

As the machinery around her whirred to action once more according to her choices, and each girl was sent to her fate, Vanea took a moment to compose herself, staring up at the pieces of her dream - the central prism of golden metal standing out above all others.

A vessel had finally been found to hold the soul of her people's goddess, and with her divine revival thus at hand, the time had come for the tides of war to shift.

As long as everything in this experiment proceeded as it was meant to, the end to such ceaseless conflict may have finally begun.

What a shame that the Homs' past would be erased in the process..

==========

Enough time had passed for all the preparations to be made. The Homs girl chosen by Vanea now had most of her body replaced by the mechanical components made beforehand, each piece now individually modified to ensure maximum compatibility with her remaining reconfigured immune and nervous systems. The only parts of her left that still appeared biological were her head above the neck and her hands past the wrists, though even they had received artificial upgrades below the surface to better serve as the Faced Mechon's central nerve unit.

This pilot unit was now being lifted into the central cockpit of the much larger silver Mechon, which had now itself been fully assembled. Its spiked and winged structure hovered high above Vanea like an angel, ready and waiting dutifully for its first activation as the final touches were smoothly made to its surfaces.

“Face Nemesis." Vanea began, addressing the construct above her.

"Your frame is complete.

As is the integration of your pilot."

Some of the assistant Mechon receded, revealing the pilot's unconscious figure sat in place within Nemesis' torso.

"This Homs..

She holds memories of the Heir of the Monado.

She appears to have seen him as a friend.

..I wonder what she would have been like to know.

But, that is not important here.

It only means that her body will be an able vessel for you, my Lady.

All that remains is the soul transfer..”

All other machines departed as the final Mechon descended, carrying the golden metal prism in its grasp. With exactly-calculated precision, the triangular component was fitted onto the chest of the Homs pilot. There was a moment of silence, before familiar red energy started to flow through the body of Face Nemesis; the soul component then started to glow with power, before settling down again as the armoured plating closed over the cockpit chamber.

"..I have fulfilled my duty." Vanea stated, allowing herself to smile as everything finally fell into place.

"You and only you can bring about a new age on Mechonis -

no, the entire world.

My mistress,

Lady Meyneth."

She waited, and then became all too aware of how empty the chambers around her still felt.

"..Lady Meyneth?"

A feminine voice suddenly rang out through Nemesis' speakers, but it was not the kind and caring tone that the Machina so fondly recalled, even all these centuries since she had last heard it directly.

"Ah.. Where.. W-Where am I..?"

Vanea's own voice caught in her throat from hearing such an unexpected response, and her brow furrowed. "You.. Are you Lady Meyneth?"

"What?" came the other voice, sounding weary and confused from inside the Faced Mechon. "No, my name is Citri. Um.. What *is* all of this..?"

At that moment, all Vanea could do was blink. She had never spoken with a Face pilot directly before, and the concern rising inside of her about what she had done wrong was making it all but impossible for her to properly address the anomaly.

"Something has gone wrong with the soul transfer.." she mumbled to herself, beginning to anxiously flit between the different screens and keyboards in her vicinity. "Yet, the scans themselves seem to be indicating that everything is properly in place.. Her presence is clearly *detectable*, and yet the central core is not showing signs of *activity*-"

A sense of panic flared within her, and her ability to maintain a composed exterior was rapidly deteriorating.

"My dearest goddess, what have I done wrong..?"

As she stifled a sob, the sound of mechanical joints moving rang out through the chamber, before they stopped (having been moved in error) and the torso plating opened back up instead.

"Um.. When you say "central core", do you mean this part?"

A tiny *tap-tap* noise, much quieter than any type of metal hitting metal could produce, prompted Vanea to lift her gaze. The Homs girl - *Citri*, as she had called herself - was tapping her still-organic fingernail on the prism of golden metal that was fitted to the chest of her new body.

"..Yes, that is correct." Vanea admitted, blinking uncertainly again.

"It.. feels as though something is inside of it." she then tried to explain, tilting her head as much as the cockpit would allow her to. "Some*one*, rather, if.. what you were saying before about your goddess is true. But.. I'm not sure whether she can wake up yet?"

The Machina took a moment to consider Citri's words. "That would be unfortunate, but.. it is reassuring to know that you are able to sense her presence."

Citri gave a small nod, very tentatively, but her expression was uncertain.

"..What was supposed to have happened?" she then asked.

"That Lady Meyneth's soul would be swiftly transferred into your body, overwriting your own, for her subsequent use as a vessel to pilot Face Nemesis." Vanea stated matter-of-factly. Then she stopped.

"..That was rather callous of me, wasn't it?"

"Somewhat, yes." admitted Citri, who would have mustered a smile if not for how disoriented she still felt. "But if nothing else, you definitely answered me clearly with how you said it, so.. thank you."

An awkward silence then settled in between the two.

"..Could you possibly tell me more about what's happened? What you've done to me, and all?"

The genuine nature of such a question, and the absolute lack of malice that she had expected to permeate through any Homs unwillingly stolen by Mechon, made it impossible for Vanea to simply dismiss the girl's curiosity. Something softened in her expression, and she opened her mouth to try and form an explanation, but the same voice from before piped up through the communication systems as she did so.

"Lady Vanea." it called out. "Master Egil wishes to see you."

This made her pause with some uncertainty. "Understood. Tell him I will see him.. momentarily." she then settled on.

"Acknowledged."

The device whirred away as Vanea's gaze fell back onto Citri, her red eyes meeting her green ones for a moment before neither felt able to hold the gaze further.

"..I apologise for this interruption, but- you may have my word that I shall return to these chambers once I have finished meeting with my brother." she then said. "It may well be that Lady Meyneth has properly awakened by that time, but if not, then.. If you would listen to our story, then I see no harm in sharing it with you."

"I understand." replied Citri. "That means a lot, Vanea."

She smiled at the mention of her name. "You miss little, I see. Very well then. I shall return shortly, Citri."

With nothing more to say for the moment, she then left her alone within Face Nemesis.

Only *after* she had turned to leave the chamber did Vanea realise her own instinctive use of the girl's own name, and she was surprised to have found herself recalling it from one mention. Nevertheless, she persisted in her next objective, doing her utmost to regain her usual composure even as she silently came to the conclusion that it was a name she wished to remember, despite part of her also knowing it was not a name she should have ever had a chance to learn.

Thankfully for both, there would still be many opportunities in the days that followed to converse, and to learn, and to get to know each other more than either could have envisioned beforehand.

#a call from the void #creations from the void #my writing #xenoblade chronicles selfshipping #xenobladeshipweek23 #yes i'm using the proper tag no I don't care if other people see this i'm going to be brave #this post is okay for anyone to reblog as long as my DNI is respected!#heart of the void #selfshipping #love: a wish for peace (vanea)#selfship: a love to last millennia (vanea/citri)#or its beginnings at least #self‑insert: vessel of nemesis (citri)#of gods and titans (xenoblade chronicles)#another character also technically shows up but not very prominently #and lady meyneth is *supposed* to show up but doesn't #..I really feel like this needs some kind of content warning but I cannot think of how to word it right this second sorry #and on the note of right this second it is quarter past two in the morning oops #uhh. mechanisation I guess? would that work I don't know #i have no idea how accurate this is story- or character-wise I apologise #canon is what I make of it or something along those lines #anyway I hope this is okay

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