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#even though obviously it made me SAD
manofmanymons · 1 year
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don't look at the tags if you don't want survive spoilers
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sysig · 5 months
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When you weren’t looking (Patreon)
#Doodles#Adventure Time#Marceline#Fionna and Cake#Simon Petrikov#Just casually crying at my own art while I make it no biggie#Just ahhhh they do love each other! They want what's best for each other! But they missed each other so much!! And they still are!!#Both that they miss each other in the sense that they're lonely while together - Simon's Marceline was a child and Marcy's Simon was well#Not Ice King but also kinda yeah - and she'll never see him again#It's gotten be bittersweet#It's good that he has his mind! Very good! But he is forever un-changed/re-changed#I think it's canon that Simon was returned to being in his early 30s because Golb ate his age post him getting the crown?#It's not a retcon obviously lol but it's like his future has been retconned canonically in himself that's Gotta feel weird#But it basically undid the Simon that Marceline knew - the man who raised her was un-done even though they both remember him#Both of them just have to not think too hard about it probably :')#But even not thinking about that - Simon is still getting older! He's aging like a normal human again! And everything that comes with that#I love his crow's feet a lot <3 And his hair streak is so chic how did his genes know he would look so cute haha ♪#Poor both of them - I do want them to be happy! They've just got so much sad!#I also think it's quite funny that all those years ago before I watched AT Marceline was the one fanart I made haha - the more things change#Still drawing her! I wonder if younger me would be surprised#I like her short hair :D Her long hair is lovely - all her hairstyles are lovely! - but the short hair is so cute#Really reminds me of her kid hairstyle ;u; I'm sure that doesn't hurt Simon at all haha#I draw it a lot like Tala's hairstyle as well haha - it's The Kid hairstyle!
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voiceshearingyouloud · 8 months
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I was feeling extremely suicidal today, like the worst I have in maybe four or five years now, and I was deliberating over whether I should go to the hospital like pretty much all day and now that I feel better I realise that the moment I started drafting my suicide note in my head was probably when I should’ve decided that 😭
#it’s so hard to think logically in the moment though; and I didn’t want to worry my dad or my partner#even though me killing myself would hurt them more obviously lol#I’m glad I feel better though#finally at like 5pm after doing all the chores and getting dressed and making meals and napping and going outside and exercising and calling#people and watching my favourite things#and none of it made even the slightest difference#(and I was drafting my suicide note)#I was like alright I need to do something about this because I’m gonna get exhausted and lose the fight pretty soon#which is always how my suicidality has been#I’ve never made a plan I’ve just come very very close to being worn down by the constant obsession and just giving in#which is hard to explain to ER nurses!#anyway. as soon as I decided that it instantly was like a cloud went away so that was weird as hell and I still don’t get it but at least I#don’t want to die as much anymore!#I’m seriously good now; like just normal sad and tired#but it does scare me that it took me so long to decide to go to the hospital#cause that was really cutting it close for a while there 😬#I don’t trust myself to get it right the next time. but hopefully I’ll remember this and just go#anne speaks#now I’m just dying over how hilarious it was that I was literally drafting my suicide note and still was like hmm I wouldn’t want to worry#my partner so I don’t think it’s wise to go to the hospital.#like girl?? what???#suicidality tw#tw suicidality#suicide mention#suicide tw#tw suicide#all the trigger tags cause this post is pretty graphic lol#but anyway I’m totally safe now#wouldn’t want anyone to worry if you’re the type to worry about this#:-)
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raymend · 1 year
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not being able to sing well anymore is like the one part of being on t that is making me sad. like i miss being in choir but there's no fucking shot i could do it with my crackly ass voice. like yesterday i was tryiong to sing and it was so so so so bad. granted i talk in a higher register at work all day and i was zonked but i just couldnt hit pitches like i used to. like i know it will settle eventually and be fine but like. Whimper
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Added a 'not ml' tag for posts about shows other than ml!
#Okay ramble in tags I need to get this off my chest#So uh. obviously due to the whole leaks and gloob situation of late#I haven't really been into ml as much as I was before (this would most likely change with episode 11 of course#Naturally I've been getting into a lot of other shows (knt horimiya yoi for example) and I think I am#Posting about them more frequently? For the past few weeks#But it's just that. Okay first of I've never been multifandom so this is so...new#It kind of makes me sad that I feel I am like. There is this change from my hyperfixations#Especially since ml was my first and biggest hyperfixation and the reason I made this blog and changed me SO much into who I am now#It feels kind of intimidating having to go through this change?#It also makes me so sad that I stopped giffing but I just. Can't bring myself to. Half of it is due to me trying to digital art and part of#It is just that every single time I try to gif in my phone it just crashes all the time and I just don't have the time for it...yet#So it just feels so strange and kind of uncomfortable even though I love all these other shows too (it actually would've been evident djsh)#But it also makes me feel confused because it just isn't the Same As Before#And I really miss the excitement season 4 gave me (and season 5 upto passion) and I just.#I really really miss ml this is such a confusing feeling and#It probably also has to do with the fact that most of these new hyprfixations are like. shows that are over ig? most of them have very#small Tumblr fandoms so they didn't really intimidate me#(sidenote but yoi is different because it is like. A huge popular show yet it was like 6 years ago with an active fanbase even now. And I t#Think the whole thing prompted these strange feelings to me was yoi because I love the show but it just feels kind of lonely without anyone#To ramble about the show too#Okay I will spill the truth this whole tag rambles is because I just feels weird rn and I am trying to make sense of it by typing it out#And I think the solution (for now) would be: please send asks about my other hyperfixations I want to talk about them more and I need to be#Enabled for that (sorry👍)#And multifandom people please tell me how you manage to do it. Was it the same when you turned multifandom too or is this a me thing😭#n rambles#Okay typing this out dis make me feel better oof#Edit: I have more to say apparently#I want to change my blog theme to something other than ml but I just. Can't bring myself to if that makes sense#I CAN make sideblogs actually but it just WON'T be the same
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chirpsythismorning · 2 years
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Penholdergate is pretty much bones at this point, but I'm bored so
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Now, I'm not saying that cryptic game the ST writers had going on was actually at all related to the pen of possibility from Anne with an E.
Initially, I thought it was weird they put this emphasis on it being a penholder. Like yes, you can put pens in it, and it can be referred to as such, but idk. I've just never heard it actually be called that, especially when it's surrounded by expo markers on a whiteboard? But anyways, whatever.
Could it all be a joke? Yes. Could it be hinting at something we have to look at deeper in order to figure out? Perhaps.
But, because I literally couldn't think of anything, my brain went straight to the pen of possibility and that took me on a whole different trip.
When promoting season 3 of Anne with an E, Amybeth hinted at the pen of possibility playing a significant role, even sneaking the pen emoji in a q&a, which she posted a week before the final episode aired.
Basically this whole penholder fiasco reminded me of AWAE in general, which makes this the perfect opportunity for me to ramble about how it could end up being one of many inspirations for ST5.
Them casting Amybeth and the Duffer's making a point to say they were big fans of AWAE means it's on their radar at the very least.
I’m also fairly certain they've watched it after recently finding out that, the first time Vickie was mentioned in ST4, during the boobies scene with Robin and Steve, the song Object of My Desire plays.
I kid you not, when Amybeth was announced for the role, I made a playlist of songs I hoped could potentially play during a Vickie scene (because they were released on or close to 1986). And Object of My Desire was one song in particular that I thought would be a cool easter egg/homage to AWAE, since the title matches fairly on point with Gilbert's letter to Anne in the last episode of the series.
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If you haven't watched AWAE, I highly recommend it. It's surprisingly very queer and just beautiful all around. There's a lot of care put into all the storylines, both romantic, platonic and familial. I can see why the Duffer's would be fans because AWAE very much follows similar rules of storytelling as ST.
If you also aren't aware, the show is based on Anne of Green Gables, which is a book from 1908. It ended up being an 8 part book series, spanning decades from Anne's childhood to her adulthood, and with a lot of adaptations made based on it over the next century. One TV mini-series from 1985 in particular is especially beloved.
The original book from 1908 has also been referenced in ST itself, with Hopper having read it to both his daughter and then El later on.
And so it wasn't much of a surprise that the creator of AWAE wanted to do something different than the dozens of versions before it, by going more in depth into what was truly going on back then, but most likely wasn't explored fully for that very reason. And even despite all the backlash from Anne purists saying they ruined the story with woke-ness, the writers didn't give a fuck (sound familiar?).
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Also, I want to say that a popular headcanon for Anne is that she was queer, as the writing of her does feel very much like she loved Diana in a way that wasn't acceptable back then (she talks about dreading the day Diana goes off and gets married, like she has literal nightmares about it...). With the books being written in the 1900's, and written by a woman, it wasn't an option to even tell a story from that perspective, without it being at most subtextual.
So honestly, if Anne and Gilbert hadn't been so perfectly written in AWAE, I may very well have shipped Anne and Diana more, similar to how I did with the books and a few of the other adaptations. But alas, the straights won this round.
Personally, I felt this version was building up Diana and Ruby, if anything. The way Ruby's crush on Gilbert was kind of a running joke throughout the series, only for her to drop him completely at a moments notice after developing a sudden crush on Moody? Idk, very comp-het of her. And Diana is like Mike Wheeler only 10x worse. Her entire arc was focused on her need to be normal: her disgust when finding out her aunt was a lesbian in s2 (ITS NOT NATURAL), only to start a fling with Jerry in s3, whom she kissed in private, but basically hurt in the end, when he realized she didn't like him beyond the kissing part. She also had a lot of resentment for the future her parents planned for her, which was finishing school and then marriage.
But honestly, the framing for them alone was just, interesting:
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Still, even though I would argue Diana and Ruby were queer-coded, I don't think it was guaranteed to pan out as endgame in the end. Especially seeing as Ruby died in the books. So maybe the show getting cancelled was for the best...
Now, Cole on the other hand, was very much gay in canon.
Within the span of one season (s2), they introduced Cole, somehow managed to make it very clear he was gay, without saying it outright, and in a way that felt natural despite the time period that the show was set in (AWAE also had a lot of emphasis on the words weird/different = gay/freak). Although he went through hardships, Cole did get a happy resolution to his storyline at the end of the season, and I think that's what makes AWAE (and hopefully ST) so special.
Not only did we get a glimpse into Cole's perspective as a gay kid growing up in the late 1800's, we also got a more unfortunate perspective, their teacher, Mr. Phillips. Mr. Phillips experienced dangerously toxic levels of internalized homophobia, going as far as to take it out on Cole, essentially punishing a younger version of himself through projection. Whenever he caught Cole doing something perceived as feminine or out of the norm for men in those times, he would make a spectacle out of it and humiliate him.
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He had also just jumped into a relationship with Prissy, the eldest girl in the class (ewwww). Although it seemed like he was interested in her romantically when things were still fairly casual, it's in moments of privacy you can see there is an internal struggle going on there. And as he and Prissy get more serious, talking about marriage, these confrontations with Cole are happening simultaneously with Mr. Phillips getting more and more dejected from reality and his impending heteronormative fate.
Although it wasn't clear to Prissy why he didn't love her the way she deserved to be loved, the audience knew it was because he was gay. Fortunately for her, instead of marrying him and being miserable for the rest of her life, Prissy ran out of the wedding, which lead to arguably some of the most beautiful shots in the entire show.
I can't end this mini gay AWAE analysis though without mentioning the beauty that is Gertie and Joe. It was revealed at the end of s1 that Diana's aunt, Josephine Barry, was lesbian, still mourning her love Gertrude, who had just died a year or so prior. But honestly, I'm going to stop there. That's all I'm gonna say because if I talk about them I'll get too emotional (THEY WERE ROOMMATES!).
Now, Anne and Gilbert. Like I said, if they weren't written and framed to very clearly be endgame all along, maybe I wouldn't have been so on board. But they were, and so here we are. (s/out to antis who are convinced all bylers only ship Mike and Will bc they're 2 boys. Newsflash, people ship byler bc of how they were written/framed to be endgame, just like Anne and Gilbert here. If it weren't for these sorbet bitches, I wouldn't have started shipping Byler in the first place. So, you can blame the straights for this one!.)
For those that haven't read the original books, Anne and Gilbert get together midway through the overall series, with the last couple novels even being from the perspective of their children (they had 7 total).
Now when I say endgame framing, I mean endgame framing.
Although back then, couples did get married fairly young, AWAE was based on the events of Anne's life at a really young age, spanning from 13-16, so marriage was just not in the cards for this adaptation.
Because of this, they used cinematography, specifically the framing of Anne and Gilbert, to hint that they would end up together, ie. them standing before a threshold in the finale of every season:
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There's even a shot of them standing in front of the tunnel of love, where you can see a couple that resembles a future version of them walking in the background, foreshadowing the inevitable.
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There's a lot of shots like this, and while neither of them are reserved to being exclusively on one side of the frame at all times (besides the threshold shots), it's clear the framing of them in general was intended to capture a chemistry building up over the years, which would eventually lead to a payoff, making all these little moments even more special once you can finally look at the story as a whole (remind you of anyone?).
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For those who haven't seen AWAE or just want a refresher for the sake of this analysis, here goes:
During the first season, Anne and Gilbert more so embody the academic rivals to lovers trope. It isn't until the end of that season, after budding heads with Gilbert, that Anne realizes she has feelings for him. Unfortunately, it was too late, as he had apparently left town and probably wouldn't return ever again. Or so she thought.
She runs into him before he leaves, gets all overwhelmed, happy to see him (to his surprise) and they end up chatting over tea. They apologize to each other, argue over who should be apologizing, listen to each other's feelings and concerns, have their classic 'anyway' 'anyway' moment, and end it with a staring contest/their breaths catching, aka endgame coded behavior (remind you of anyone...)
In the first half of the second season, they stay in contact via letters. What I find funny is the way Bash teases Gilbert about the letters to Anne being romantic, all while Gilbert insists that she is just a friend. And at the same time Anne is rambling (unprompted) to Marilla that the letters between her and Gilbert are not romantic WHATSOEVER!
Then, in the second half of s2 they reunite and Gilbert basically implies that he came back to Avonlea bc of her. They start traditions together (Christmas episode my beloved), and even stand alongside each other fighting for what's right (getting Ms. Stacy her job back after being unjustly fired) and it's all just very wholesome (with a mix of academic rivals conflict). The season ends with Bash and Mary's wedding, the last shot being Anne and Gilbert standing in the threshold of the church entrance, talking about the future, with Gilbert repeating back something he overheard Anne say in a rant just a few episodes prior:
Gilbert: Tragical romance and all?
Anne: Remains to be seen.
Essentially, they foreshadow their own fate (REMIND YOU OF ANYONE?)
What follows is the third and final season, which means endgame was fast-tracked and so what we got was peak mutual pining/misunderstanding/jealousy tropes, ending with the classic letters tragically unreceived until the very last second trope.
Initially, at the start of s3, Anne pushes Gilbert towards Ruby, by confronting him about the take notice board in a conversation that leaves both of them slightly hurt and confused. Because according to Ruby, while Anne talked to him about her, his eyes were full of romance. Only Gilbert wasn't smiling because of Ruby, he was smiling because he thought Anne was talking about herself and their future, about the two of them taking notice of each other. The moment Anne says Ruby's name, Gilbert's face falls, no longer interested (*cough* van scene *cough*)
In the following episode, Anne pushes Gilbert away even more, insisting she doesn't need him, but it was only because she was frustrated that she needed a man accompanying her in order to travel. But Gilbert took this as her not needing him at all, and was pretty much just defeated at this point. He'd hoped they could use this opportunity traveling together privately to get closer, but now he's starting to think maybe Anne truly doesn't feel the same. And so he decides to give her the cold shoulder, and proceeds to attempt his 'moving on from my true love' era. He then meets Winifred Rose only a couple scenes later, who he begins courting soon after. They even go out to tea a couple of times...
Mary's sickness and passing is something both Anne and Gilbert struggle with, as they have come to associate each others families as their own. So despite the recent tension between them, they quickly go back into a flow of mutual understanding.
When Gilbert gets upset upon realizing, that if he continues with his passion of becoming a doctor, he'll have to deal with people dying and not being able to save everyone, Anne quickly comforts/encourages him for being the kind of doctor people would want to bring their loved ones to, because he cares so much (Caring deeply will always be the right thing). You can see this means a lot to Gilbert. Then when rehearsing the dance for the carnival, Gilbert messes up the formation of the dance to get closer to Anne, where they enter their own little world. Time slows; it's electric. We then see both of them flustered over what they're feeling afterwards.
The rest of the season is filled with misunderstandings, but also moments that parallel to previous seasons, where they work together to stand up for what's right (Who knew, we'd make such a good, T-E-A-M) and all of these feelings basically build up, making both of them wonder if maybe the other could actually feel the same way.
So, when Gilbert is offered the perfect future, the Sorbonne in Paris (his dream school) completely paid in full by Winifred's father if he agrees to propose to her, his first instinct is to track down Anne to ask her what she thinks. When he finds her, she's drunk at the ruins with all their classmates, celebrating finishing the queens entrance exam. But she's confused and quite frankly speechless over the fact that Gilbert felt the need to get her input at all. The choice seemed obvious to her. And that's when we have this long awaited moment happen, where it's basically confirmed Gilbert does indeed return Anne's feelings, that she's literally the one thing holding him back. Unfortunately, Gilbert interprets Anne's hesitation and confusion as rejection. And Anne also sort of interprets this as making him choose between her and his dreams which, she obviously doesn't want to get in the way of.
But it doesn't matter. Because Gilbert still can't go through with marrying Winifred. He spends the whole day before confronting her, visiting places all over the Island, specifically places that remind him of home (Anne). He even goes to the destroyed Avonlea Story Club (*cough* Castle Byers *cough*) and takes one of the sea shells there from Anne's abandoned collection and brings it with him. We then see him looking conflicted between the ring he's supposed to propose to Winifred with, and the sea shell that symbolizes his love for Anne.
It isn't until the opening scene of the series finale that we see Gilbert calling off his impending engagement to Winifred. (I care about you very much / But not as much as for a certain someone?)
Just before this, in the second to last episode, Anne wrote a letter to Gilbert revealing her true feelings, because their talk at the ruins made her start to believe he could feel the same. But the letter (tragically) never gets to Gilbert.
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In a last ditch effort before leaving forever potentially (again), Gilbert also leaves Anne a letter revealing his true feelings, which Anne also never receives (even more tragically if you can believe that).
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And all this miscommunication comes to a head at the very end, when Winifred reveals the truth to Anne, and Diana reveals the truth to Gilbert. What follows is them both running to find each other, where they kiss, only to once again go their separate ways, pursuing their dreams, with Anne going to school in Charlottetown to eventually be a teacher/writer, and Gilbert to Toronto to study medicine. They make plans to write each other. (I have follow up questions! / So do I!).
Even though the show ended there, because of the books and all the hints the show left along the way, we know that they end up together.
So, as you can see, the pen lived up to its name as the pen of possibility. I also think the comment Anne made early on, about how Gilbert doesn't have a way with words, was meant to ironically hint at the fact that he very much does have a way with words, and that Anne, and we the audience, would find out soon enough.
But like I said, it's entirely unlikely that the ST writers were hinting at the pen of possibility, like SOO unlikely it's unreal. That wasn't even my main point making this. There just honestly hasn't been much to go off with this whole penholdergate thing, and the tag is so dead anyways, so i figured, why not? And I really just needed an excuse to bring up how similar the style of these shows are when it comes to narrative choices, especially the set up for shirbert and byler, because like I said, full serious, I never would have put so much consideration into Byler if it wasn't for how endgame coded they were, just like Shirbert.
Specifically the way Mike looks at Will, it just feels very, very similar to the way Gilbert looks at Anne.
Nevertheless, I still think this adds an interesting layer of possibility to the whole lettergate/pocketgate theory for ST5. After all, we know Will is good at painting, and it's his love language, which is why he gifted Mike a painting in the first place. In contrast, we're given these implications that writing is Mike's love language. He also attributes it to romantic feelings, which is why he feels he has an obligation to reserve letter writing to El, his girlfriend. But because it is his love language, there's an element of truthfulness that he can't fully submit to. He couldn't 'in good conscious' go through with it fully, by ending his letters to El with, "love Mike", as it would have contradicted the whole truth of this being Mike's love language.
I feel like the only way for them to properly resolve this whole storyline, is to let us see a letter from Mike. Perhaps a letter ending with, 'love--?. Perhaps a letter addressed to Will?. (Just as long as he doesn't rip it up before he even reads it or step on it and lose it outside, crumpled in the dirt, never to be found. Iykyk. Those were tragic times in Anne nation.)
As you can probably tell by now, there's a shit ton of things the ST writers could pull from AWAE for inspiration, but we won't know if they have done so officially unless it ends up being listed on the updated whiteboard for ST5. If it isn't, then we can rule it out and move on. But if it is (genuinely possible), then I wouldn't be surprised to see some of these elements above paralleled, either with literal parallels or just narratively in a broad sense when it comes to certain characters dynamics and their inevitable fate...
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cruelsister-moved2 · 2 years
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had such a good day today feeling very healed but then on my way to the station there were these 7th day adventists preaching and handing out books and leaflets so obviously i took them because im curious but its crazy it was actually just like that tone deaf comment about antisemitism for catholics ... the leaflet was just very like theres secret catholics running every world government and doing satanic rituals and theres a shadow government based in the vatican city that secretly pulls all the strings of the world and they had big posters with like the pope superimposed on a background of hellfire and illuminati symbols and so on well you get the picture. but they actually didnt mention jewish or lgbt people in their booklet at all so i was like maybe this is awesome like the catholics can take the heat for once..... 
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killmebythebeach · 2 years
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So was anyone gonna tell me that s5 is so unbelievably sad or was I supposed to find that out myself.
#like obviously i knew itd be sad but im two episodes in and ive heard tim for the first time in 40 eps and sasha for 120#and gerry. ze boi. i didnt even realize it was him till the comics. why does he read like a teen protag in a ghost hunting story.#the leitner jumpscare to. sir. half the people in the institute would kill you on sight please go back to the tunnels.#elias being weird at jons birthday for no reason. like. i swear he wasnt that strange before the pipe murder dropping stuff for no reason?#'i like to keep an EYE on these things' sir with all due respect (none) shut the fuck up?!#idk why but tim and sasha talking like that just makes me so sad. of course its understandable for them to be frustrated#but also its not jons fault jonah chose him cuz he was traumatized by a spider book :( id be angry if i was sasha though#its also funny cuz i thought tim/sasha was a pyre fandom thing. no. tim literally calls it a 'will they wont they'. hes like a sitcom#gurtrude recording that tape to sasha basically lmaoooo#and i saw someone point this out in the comments but. gertrude keeping the place messy might have killed people.#not having easy access to information that could have saved them. such as her tape. ough#one thing i missed about tim in s3 is the charm. of course he was angry at. everything but it was heartbreaking to see tim change#so the tapes really made me just yearn for the like. two times tim was there in s1.#also the fact sasha knew about tims brother. and martins application. and that tim knew too.#i never really understood the fandom 'expert hacker' sasha but i think i get it now#i cant even remember if she hacked anything in s1. feels like so long ago even though i havent even been listening for 2 months#on that note martin and jon are going over to kill elias woo!#martin: hey this house is evil we should butn it#jon: nah. theres a lot of evil#holy fuck i forgot how stupid these characters can be sometimes. like even if you think it wont wotk just try? hello?#sasha calling gertrude a bitch is giving me life. yeah. she sure was. idc what she did she put micheal in the distortion#but im still so just. distraught by how somber the tone is. even with the s1 crew goofing around its just so. oof.#the funny quippy s1 crew cutting off to jon trembling alone in a corner does wonders for the tone#martin really went: i found the tea lets get this bread#king shit honestly. go get that bread and kill elias and stop the apocolypse or somethung. idk the goal of the season yet#like s1 focused on prentiss. 2 on stranger. 3 on the unknowing and elias. 4 on extinction and peter. im excited to see what 5 is#i dont even think weve met her but gertrude mentioning agnes. mwah. love you baby. doing great. shouldve gotten a coffeshop au.#sigh. statement ends#the magnus archives spoilers#the magnus archives
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pierregaslays · 2 years
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jooniez · 2 years
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okay wow so today was a whirlwind of emotions 😭😵‍💫🥹
#my brain is mush and others have said it better than me cause I’m usually not that good at expressing myself so I’ll rb some posts after#but I just wanted to let out some thoughts right now cause it’s been a crazy day#first of all I only got through half the festa vid so far cause I started watching before dinner but I got through a lot of their talking#about the hiatus and I think the main reason why I was so emotional and why I was crying so hard listening was more so about the fact that#they feel BAD about this more so than the actual hiatus itself#cause even though it’s going to be different and a lot more solo content (which I’m genuinely so excited for) it’s not like they’re going#to be completely gone like they even said they’re still doing run so that’s something I’m really happy about too#obviously I’m going to miss all the ot7 content but it’s not like this is permanent obviously one day they will call it quits for good but#that day isn’t today and I’ll obviously deal with that when it comes. but besides that the main reason why I’m so sad is that they felt#like they didn’t have a right to feel burnt out or to feel disconnected or to feel upset. they felt like they had to push these feelings#away and put aside going on this hiatus for years cause they didn’t want to disappoint us and that just broke my heart ..#like namjoons face and seeing all that pain he’s been carrying for years absolutely broke me#like I really wish they would be so much more selfish than they are sometimes because they DO deserve this break and they have for YEARS#that’s the point that really made me upset .. and joon even said that he felt the members resented him at times and even though they assured#him they didn’t he said ‘I know but that’s how I felt’ and it just kills me that they’ll always think we’re going to be upset about stuff#like this even though a vast majority of us .. the true fans .. want them to have this resting period#and be able to be on their own and figure themselves out .. everyone needs that and I have SO much respect to them for speaking on this#and making that video#so yea idk I’m feeling a bit sad but more so just … relieved?? that they’re finally taking this much needed time for themselves#and I’m honestly so excited to see what they do for their solo work 💜 I love them so much as artist and people#and seeing them always being honest and raw and vulnerable no matter how difficult … so much love and respect for them 💗#mine#idk I have so much more to say too but I never know how to express it well online .. I just love bangtan always 💜
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anotheruntitledsong · 28 days
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i did like the hidden palace but (SPOILER if anyone hasn't read it?) i'm genuinely so annoyed at how Arbeely is handled like... I wish i could be sad but i'm just fucking irritated. I was overly invested in him and that's def why but i just feel like they did him dirty
#the golem and the jinni#i was scrolling goodreads and the take i kept seeing was 'oh I wish Arbeely could've had his family too bad the jinni FUCKED IT UP'#but idk that's just not how i read him. like thats not where i feel the problem is#his whole shtick is being content as the jinni's foil and like! things can change! but the way it's done leaves him totally unresolved#which in turn means the jinni's shit is also never getting resolved because there is like no way to#when Arbeely describes his future family in the first book it's all 'someday... vaguely...' and AGAIN! what you want can change!#and honestly it's really interesting and sad that he makes this sacrifice for the jinni#but it's a layer of complexity that like clashes with how little he is there for and how little the author's invested in him#and like the way the no marriage literally did not ruin his life at all... sure it sucked but the man is still like idk rich#what has continuously fucked with him throughout both books is that he wants (or at least spends half his page time thinking about)#emotional connection to the jinni in a human way#which is something the jinni cant\wont give him even though he's basically Arbeely's only close friend#(besides ig maryam who was rlly funny hinting at her dislike for the jinni like someone trying to get their friend to dump their toxic bf)#anyway the vibe in the first book is that he only thinks about wanting a wife when the jinni is being a dickhead#BECAUSE the jinni eases arbeelys loneliness by just being there because at the end of the day that's what humans need#but then it's made really weird in the second book by Arbeely getting 'trapped' by the jinni (and yet they just grow further apart)#which means that the only thing arbeely actually spent half his life discontent with and then literally died without is not a wife#it's emotional intimacy with the jinni. which is insane to me#arbeely is obviously already tragic but this seems TOO tragic entirely because the book doesn't give af about addressing it#if it was like a plot thing then all of the above would be fine and gutwrenching because it ties back into the jinnis self isolation#BUT IT'S NOT. like i get arbeely isn't that important to the plot but he was important to the jinni and the jinni was important to him#alsoo necessarily disclaimer i'm not trying to say he's in love with the jinni or anything like that#although a queer arbeely (divorced from the above idea) would also been interesting cuz I dont think the jinni has a grasp on homophobia#so idk theyd be keeping each others secrets (arbeely x the biscuit man? JOKE)#BUTTTT! I don't believe he needs romantic energy! him and the jinni having awful vibes up until arbeely's literal death is what bothers me#The jinni is a bad communicator ik but come on... not once? not even before the diagnosis? The jinni also thinks about how distant they are#could they not talk a little? for me? there are ways to do it within the bounds of their characters FOR SURE#im sure this is the point but i do dislike it either way. anyway sorry arbeely u remind me of my uncle#the hidden palace
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vamptastic · 5 months
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actually have no idea how people manage to function with high levels of empathy. i get very very mad about injustice in the world but it's more out of a "these people are being impractical and stupid, can't they see that they could solve this problem if they did xyz". and i value human life and happiness above all else because i find it straightforwardly logical. having your politics motivated by emotion seems kind of exhausting- i think it's very important to step back and look at something while setting aside your feelings about it. lot of people seem to get caught up in what's right and hypothetically morally justified and not what would cause the least amount of suffering, something i find to generally be the best metric. mostly feel this in regards to people who like to decide what should happen based on what people "deserve" or have "earned". not sure why hurt feelings about how hard you worked matter at all. or punitive justice types who get caught up on things being unfair or people not getting some kind of cosmic justice and are just totally unable to envision the wider societal effects of their beliefs.
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ohdeerfully · 3 months
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alastor request HAI can it be based on the fact that alastor doesn't sleep, and it's his lover finding out that petting his ears during cuddling makes him fall asleep.
thank you for your service
yess i love sleepy alastor thank u so much anon :D!!
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Goodmorning, Love
Alastor x Reader (fluff) TW: none! join my discord! ═══ ◈ ══════════ ◈ ══════════ ◈ ══════════ ◈ ═══
You were well aware of the Radio Demon’s sleep habits. Or, well, lack of sleep habits. You often spent nights in his room, where he would sit with you in bed until you fell asleep and go do whatever the hell he gets up to late at night. You always woke up in an empty room, and often so in the middle of the night, struggling to rest again as a greedy tightness gripped your chest in worry and disappointment.
You understood, though, and tried your best not to let it get to you that you didn’t have his warm body next to you when you woke every morning. But you couldn’t help that twinge of sadness. You weren’t particularly needy or clingy, but would it kill him to stay in bed with you for a single night? And to have a slice of domestic bliss as you woke up?
Obviously. 
You roll your eyes as you lay, staring up at the ceiling. You had just gotten ready for bed, and now waited for said demon to join you for a few hours. Your fingers tapped, impatient, against your chest as you hummed absentmindedly.
“How lovely,” You heard him speak. Tickles of that radio static that always followed him clung to your exposed skin, which was signal enough that he had entered the room had he not announced himself. “What a siren you are, luring me here with that hum of yours.”
You smiled slightly at his comment, scooching over slightly to encourage him over. He obliged, joining you under the covers. He still wore his usual outfit, which made sense considering his tendency to go away all night. You purse your lips at the thought, slightly chewing on the skin.
“Why the face?” Of course he noticed your expression. He always noticed when any emotion tickled your face. You appreciated the genuine tone in his voice, the typical buzz of radio barely detectable in his words. He always got a little softer and kinder when he was alone with you like this.
You appreciated nights with him, being able to see a side of him that nobody else would live to spread word of. You enjoyed feeling a little special, especially to somebody like him.
“Do you think you could stay in,” You asked cautiously, fiddling with your hands as you inched closer to him, pressing your body against his. Even laying, he still seemed much taller than you. You gingerly guided his head down, against your chest as you spoke, hoping the multitasking would keep him from sitting up and rejecting your intimate gestures. “Just for a night. I miss you all night long.”
He allowed his head to lay against you. He did feel tense, of course, letting the back of his head be exposed in this manner as he lay vulnerable on you. It was a strange feeling, but not one he cared to consider for too long. 
“(Y/N),” He began with a sigh. “It’s impossible for me to get much done during the day, what with all the running around Charlie does. Somebody has to keep an eye on that young princess. I prefer to stay awake to get my own errands done at night.” 
I know that, you wanted to say and interrupt his explanatory ramble. You wanted to beg him to understand, just this once. You held in a sigh, watching as his head gently rose and fell with every breath you took. Maybe you should just take this submission from him as good enough.
You gingerly began tangling your fingers through his red hair, brushing out any kinks he may have gotten throughout the day. His tense body seemed to ease slightly, becoming more and more relaxed as you weaved your fingers through the locks.
“You have really soft hair, Al,” You commented, changing the subject. You figured there was no use convincing him. You let your fingers lightly trail upwards, up to his ears. You grazed them slightly with a finger. You touched again. When he made no motion of dislike, you fully began rubbing them. Petting him. You smiled to yourself at the idea of petting the feared Radio Demon. “And your ears are even softer.”
“I try to take care of myself,” He responded proudly. There was another hint of something in his voice, but you couldn’t quite place what it was. But it seemed heavy. “A well groomed man is a successful one.” You absentmindedly agreed as you stroked the velvety fur of his ears, switching back and forth between them and his hair. You had a preference for the ears, though.
You sighed and began humming quietly again. He rarely got so… comfortable, even around you. He always had some sort of guard up, always had his shoulders squared. He almost never became so… loose and vulnerable.
You noticed the clippings of radio frequency had stopped, which was a noise that was ever present in his wake. You had a suspicion why it disappeared, a small grin forming on your face.
Yes, the Radio Demon never slept. But that was a choice he made, not a curse that prevented him. Even demons get tired. You don’t know how Alastor makes it day by day without a wink of rest, but it was apparent that exhaustion had built up in him. He just needed to relax for a second.
You graced your fingers over his fringe, and craned your neck in a way to get a glance at his face. Yeah, you were right. 
He laid there, eyes shut, features relaxed with the lightest grin playing on his face. Even in sleep, you complained. It didn’t really matter. What mattered was the sound of his deep, slow breathing and occasional twitch of his velvety ears. You briefly wondered what the Radio Demon would dream about.
Would he be aggravated with you when he woke up, realizing you had practically cast a sleep spell on him? You didn’t, but the rate of which exhaustion took over may as well have been some sort of magic.
You shut your own heavy eyes, exhaling lightly as you continued to comfort yourself with the texture of his fur and hair. It didn’t take long for you to fall asleep.
You craned your arms and neck as consciousness came back to you, but an unfamiliar weight kept you from getting that good stretch in. Momentarily confused, you blinked open and looked down.
Red and black hair, more of a mess than usual, still took place on your torso. This was a first, and your chest felt like exploding with the glee of seeing Alastor still resting with you. He somehow looked even more relaxed than the night before, his cheek flush against your stomach, squishing his lips up slightly. A light grin was still there.
You gently brushed your fingers over his face, trailing a line around his features with an index finger. His eyes squeezed for a moment, and that static ambience of his slowly, quietly, returned. It was a noise that you had learned to find comfort in. He slowly opened his red eyes, a confused and sleepy daze clouding them. There was a wrinkle in his brow as he roughly propped himself up with an elbow, looking up at you with a furrowed expression.
“(Y/N)..?” He trailed, pausing to take in a shuddering morning yawn through a confused smirk. “Did I… Dear, what time is it?”
You looked at him tenderly. Oh, how cute he was, sleepy like this. Composed like an exhausted kid. Something even you have never seen before.
“Yeah,” You responded to his unspoken question. “It’s probably seven a.m. or so. I dunno.” There wasn’t a clock in your immediate line of sight.” “A.m. …” He said slowly. He sat up fully, looking down in disappointment at his wrinkled day wear. He quickly blinked the sleep from his eyes and managed to bring some composure to himself, but that lick of exhaustion was still prominent. Especially under his eyes.
“Yeah,” You said again, a light chuckle following. “Goodmorning, Al.”
He wasn’t obviously upset, it seemed. Though he probably was too tired to think about it too much yet. Maybe later.
“Well… Goodmorning, love.” He responded, still with a hint of confusion in his voice. “I suppose I accepted your plea from last night.” He brushed at his clothes while he spoke, trying to flatten out the creases that were brought on through a night of rest.
“Maybe more often?” You asked, twiddling your thumbs in anticipation. You already knew the answer, but it was okay. You knew how to keep him in now. You mischievously smirked as he closed his eyes and shook his head.
“Unlikely.”
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blujayonthewing · 11 months
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IN MY FEELINGS. ABOUT AUBREE.
#just reflecting on recent events and also this whole campaign and realizing aubree doesn't actually have any good friends!!#she feels so SO lonely#every time aubree noticably has any feelings about anything then either the deeply flippant bard dismisses them#or the warlock goes 'oh nooo I'm sorry MY feelings made you sad :('#...at best.#no one asks how she's doing when she's obviously Going Through It but they do get mad when Going Through It makes her be kind of an asshole#she stayed out until dawn for Possession Reasons and then the party tried to wake her up two hours later to go get massages#and then just went without her instead of?? even thinking to wait until later instead???#oh we all love aubree when she's our emotional support halfling making hot chocolate and checking in on her friends :)#no one has EVER checked in on her.#the party metagamed their asses off after I made A Roll and received a secret handout--#'hey aubree's upset and said she'd be back later but I'm worried about her safety suddenly even though it's only been an hour'#so they tracked her down and then when aubree was like ??? fuck OFFFF why did you FOLLOW ME!!#nobody wanted to hear about my stupid feelings so get off my dick and let me have them alone in peace!!#the warlock was like 'you can always tell me about your feelings 🥺' ma'am that is demonstrably untrue#EVERY time I've mentioned my feelings about anything you have misunderstood them SO badly and either patronized me or gotten mad#also do you think she asked the next day how aubree was doing? no she went and got group massages#hhhhh. HHHH. I am so!! I am so SAD FOR MY GIRL. I WANT TO HUG HER!!!#about me#aubree
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rolanpilled · 7 months
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Facts about Rolan you might have missed, while you were busy saving the world
Spoilers for Baldur’s Gate 3 below!
Here’s a collection of some Rolan facts you may have missed during your playthrough. (These are all from memory, so I will edit this later with sources and exact quotes.)
He is not related by blood to Cal and Lia - You can find this information by speaking with his corpse. All three of them consider each other family, but Rolan seems to hold some insecurities about his position with his siblings. In the same conversation, he mentions having “no one” when asked if he has family and that he identifies as “Rolan, just Rolan” - potentially implying that he’s been abandoned or rejected by his blood family, if they’re alive.
Cal considers Rolan an older brother - If Rolan dies during his rescue attempt in Act 2, Cal confesses that Rolan is his “older brother” and “the person he looks up to the most”.
Rolan loves organizing things - He has overhead dialogue with his siblings where he jokes about wanting an organized, color-coded sock drawer.
You can try to convince Rolan to leave his siblings behind at the grove - Try to convince him to leave Lia behind, and he will admit she’s a pain sometimes, but he could never leave her, not even for his prestigious apprenticeship.
Rolan’s diary changes depending on if his siblings live or die - Self-explanatory. He obviously becomes much more depressed and angry if you fail to save his siblings.
Rolan and his siblings have known each other since Cal was at least eight - They have overhead dialogue where Cal mentions that, when he was eight, Rolan once conjured a cat for him, only for him to find out it was made of fire.
It’s implied that Rolan, Cal, and Lia share a mother figure - If Lia dies, Cal has dialogue with Rolan about throwing a party in memorial for her, “like [they] did for mum”.
Rolan, Cal, and Lia have unique dialogue depending on which of them die - This is self-explanatory, but you can see most of the scenes here. He also appears to have unique dialogue coded in act 3 depending on if he’s angry with you or not (if you disrespected Cal and Lia’s memories by calling them Carl and Liam), but I haven’t been able to trigger it yet.
https://twitter.com/gimblebock/status/1705080072489574619?s=46&t=ZnMav_9KejiNOZkZPad0Mg
Lorroakan hates to admit it, but Rolan is more powerful than him - Speak with Lorroakan’s corpse after killing him and having Rolan side with you. He will begrudgingly admit that his apprentice is more powerful than him. Side note, it can be implied that Lorroakan never calls Rolan by his name, as he defaults to “tiefling” or “boy” in their few interactions.
If Rolan has a high enough initiative in the Lorroakan fight, he will use Thunderwave to shove Lorroakan off the tower. Peak revenge.
Some of Rolan’s spells have his name in front of them (Rolan’s Thunderwave, Rolan’s Mage Armor) - Some people have headcannoned this as meaning he had to learn magic by himself, therefore being a Sorcerer. Considering his clothes are a unique color combination for the Sorcerer robes, it raises more than a few questions
Rolan always carries Lorroakan’s letter on him - This one always makes me so sad, pointed out by @sadwizardlover. Throughout the game, the one thing Rolan always carries on his person is the written response from Lorroakan to his letter, posted below.
Lorroakan also beats Rolan up😭 He'll only admit this if Lorroakan's dead though
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That’s all! If anyone has any more to add to this list, shoot me an ask✨💞
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