#everyone has them whether you realize it or not

[wangxianficrecs]

🔒 As good as by apathyinreverie

🔒 As good as

by apathyinreverie (@apathyinreverie)

T, 6k, Wangxian

Summary: Cangse Sanren would be disappointed. (Where LQR, right smack in the middle of the war, realizes that WWX doesn’t have a Core. He promptly enlists his own pining nephew in ensuring that, after winning the war for them, WWX is going to end up with GL instead of YJ. He owes that much to Cangse Sanren.) Kay's comments: Read this and understood why the author was struggling whether to tag good uncle Lan Qiren or bad uncle Lan Qiren lol. I mean, he creates a fix-it and is the force behind Wei Wuxian getting a better life during and after the Sunshot Campaign even with the outlook of a new golden core, but his methods are questionable, intentionally making Wei Wuxian addicted to regular energy transfusions which Lan Wangji is happy to supply. Really great read and a fascinating take on Lan Qiren. Excerpt: Wei Wuxian had been one of his brightest students. Clever and smart and curious in a way that spoke of a brilliant future. Qiren has been furious at the thought of the potential lost to the boy falling to the temptation of power. And yet. Qiren has done nothing to aid him, nothing to turn him back towards the righteous path. Not now. Not while it is the boy’s unorthodoxy that lets him carve a path for the Sunshot Campaign’s forces to march onwards. They are at war. Many of those fighting are still young, but many of them are also old enough to recognize a child risking his own soul for the benefit of all. It is disingenuous for the allied to claim distaste at his powers when they are also relying on him to aid their war. To win it for them. Yes, Cangse would indeed have been disappointed. But not only in her son. If anything, most of her disappointment might have been reserved for everyone else. For everyone watching and whispering and condemning but not doing anything to help.

pov lan qiren, canon divergence, lan qiren is so done, lan qiren tries, fix-it, golden core reveal, colden core transfer fix-it, addiction, manipulation, dual cultivation, tired wei wuxian, genius wei wuxian, developing relationship, getting together, friends to lovers, sunshot campaign, possessive lan wangji, protective lan wangji, angst with a happy ending, cultivation sect politics

~*~

(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for this hard-working author if you like – or think others might like – this story.)

#May 2024 #Wangxian Fic Rec #The Untamed #Wangxian #MDZS #Kay's Rec #As good as #apathyinreverie #short fic <15k #teen #pov lan qiren #canon divergence #lan qiren is so done #lan qiren tries #fix-it #golden core reveal #colden core transfer fix-it #addiction #manipulation #dual cultivation #tired wei wuxian #genius wei wuxian #developing relationship #getting together #friends to lovers #sunshot campaign #possessive lan wangji #protective lan wangji #angst with a happy ending #cultivation sect politics

[guardianofnightmares]

Forbidden

At that moment Bumblebee finally realized that he couldn’t keep the paranoid thoughts locked inside his processor anymore.

He desperately needed to speak to his friends, consequences be damned. He had to make sure that he’s not glitched in a processor. That what he got himself into was a right course of action for any good-natured Bot.

... or, rather, for any sensible Prime.

Hence why, after making a deep inhale, a minibot finally forced the dreaded words out of his intake:

"... is it wrong that I feel... bad for the prisoners? That I... periodically... h-help them?"

----------

Hello everyone, long time no see). Can hardly believe it's been a whole year since the last @blitzbee-week event and man, was I glad to participate in it once more. All of works were submitted on time to an event chat, but, unfortunately, I am uploading them here only now (full-time job drains me up).

Anyways, here is my first drawing from BlitzBeeWeek event Promts List. I think it will be fair to mention that this and next couple of my works will be dedicated to my fanfic called "TFA: Icarus". I will leave a link [here] for anyone interested to give it (and an existing teaser) a try. And yes, I am, in fact, going to finally upload first chapters pretty soon, it's happening, guys))). Thanks a ton for everyone who left their kudos there throughout a year, you have given me courage to put this behemoth of a story on paper and actually work it through.

As for the current entry for an event, I will provide part of a draft to one of chapters which is related to a depicted scene. It'll be "hidden" under a cut line for anyone wishing to get a more... fleshed out picture of what's going on here. Hope you'll enjoy reading it)

----------

“Bumblebee… are you listening to me?”

It was beyond confusing for Ratchet to see a younger Bot acting so out of touch with reality. He’s hunched over a console, helm resting in one servo while a wielding tool was twirled slowly in digits of another. Bumblebee looked so tired, clearly not caring about a task at servo, nor about an advice coming from his elder friend.

White and red Autobot knew how cheerful Bumblebee got each time they met via video calls, clearly waiting for a chance to talk to old teammates, even if these calls didn’t last long. That’s why him being so silent and lost in own thoughts was that much more worrying to witness. 

Upon being prompted again, the young bot finally raised his optics, the weight of his gaze almost making Ratchet flinch in surprise - to think that a recently promoted Prime was capable of behaving so out of character was indeed an alarming sign of change. 

The truth was, the minibot couldn’t help but to act all secretive, as if he’s done something wrong. 

Because, all things considered, he has. 

Minibot was well aware of what his actions could lead up to. All those rendezvous and revelations were such a dangerous subject to talk about, something that surely could lead him to being court marshaled if he’s caught by anybot. And what’s even worse - Bumblebee wasn’t certain whether telling friends what’s been troubling him was a good idea. 

Surely they’d not rat him out… but would they continue interacting with a yellow Autobot if he shared said secret with them? Wouldn't it be more mature of him to leave mechs oblivious (in order to protect them) and let his fears to silently fester in his processor?

... yet, to his shame, a minibot felt his resolve to keep his intake shut breaking upon seeing a haunted expression on Ratchet’s faceplates. Bumblebee wished he hadn’t looked up into the wise optics of his, those that seemed to read him as an unlocked datapad. How could he play it cool when a medic was looking at him in such a manner?

“…kid?” Now Ratchet was truly worried for his companion. He wasn’t even certain he’s ready to hear an explanation, but knew in his spark that he had to get to the bottom of a problem for minibot's sake.

At that moment Bumblebee finally realized that he couldn’t keep the paranoid thoughts locked inside his processor anymore.

He desperately needed to speak to his friends, consequences be damned. He had to make sure that he’s not glitched in a processor. That what he got himself into was a right course of action for any good-natured Bot. 

… or, rather, for any sensible Prime. 

Hence why, after making a deep inhale, a minibot finally forced the dreaded words out of his intake:

“… is it wrong that I feel… bad for the prisoners? That I… periodically… h-help them?” 

… a fleeting moment or relief at voicing his concerns instantly evaporated, changed to regret once he saw Racthet’s eyes widening beyond usual capacity and heard Optimus sputtering and coughing on his energon ration off the camera. 

Such reaction made Bumblebee hide his helm between shoulder pauldrons in a clear sign of dread - so much for the support coming from teammates it seemed. 

“What?” Optimus asked after standing up from a table he’s sitting next to, the stool screeching audibly after a mech span in it. “Help them? What do you mean by that, Bumblebee? Are you alright? Do they… force you to do something for them or..?”

Minibot didn’t answer any of those questions. Wasn’t able do it under the searching gaze of an elder mech’s optics which seemed to pin him to his own stool. Bumblebee felt like energon was going to freeze in his lines and tubes from a rising horror. Time seemed to stop for him, not unlike inner mechanisms in a frame of his. He couldn't utter a single sound, words swimming in a jumbled mess that was his processor.

What could he possibly say in his defense, now that his teammates knew of his secret? That there was a proper reason for him to feel pity for the inmates? That he was the only one to keep those mechs alive because nobody else did? That perhaps, Primus help him, all this time they were held in prison, somebot tried to take them out of game by starving them to their deaths?

A yellow Bot clearly hasn’t thought the conversation through, just as he always did, hasn't prepared himself for such a reaction even, and now that mistake was biting his aft. 

But then… then minibot heard something that immediately tore him from a panicking state he got stuck in. 

“I’ll take care of it, Prime.” Ratchet announced in a calm tone, breaking the tense silence which settled over the video call. Bumblebee was so stunned that he didn’t register those words right away, looking dumbly at warm optics of a mech on the other side of a call line. 

“But-“ 

“Optimus.” Medic cut off his commanding officer in a stern but good-natured manner, showing that he knew what he’s doing. Trusting the judgement of an older Bot, red and blue mech nodded to him and stepped away from a console, giving both of his friends some room to talk to each other. 

Young Prime could hardly believe what he’s been witnessing in front of him. Afraid to hope that his situation might’ve not been so dire after all. Baiting his breath, he watched red and white Bot turning to him again and leaning closer to a screen.

“Bumblebee, tell me, what’s happening back on Cybertron.” Ratchet asked his young friend, trying to look as non-threatening as possible, ready to tentatively listen to everything minibot’s about to say. 

And that’s when Bumblebee understood, felt it in his spark which gleefully thrummed in his chest that his old teammates were not mad at him - only worried for his well-being. Said realization made the built up over orbital cycles tension leave his frame and gave him courage to answer as honestly as he could.  

“You don’t know even half of what's going on, guys,” He stated after a breath moment of silence, then scooted on his chair closer to a screen as well and continued speaking in a hushed tone as to not to be heard by anyone else on his side of a video call. 

While retelling the recent events, which took place in Tripticon Prison, young Prime couldn’t help but periodically glance at a screen to his right side, a list of main convicts taking up most of its surface. 

Their stern gazes seemed to burn a viewer with hostility. Evil, cold, sparkless optics on unsightly faceplates. That’s what fellow guards always tended to whisper to each other either in fear or in bold mockery while walking down the hallways.

But to Bumblebee the very same pairs of optics, those he'd looked into more times then any of the local mechs, more then his friends even, told another story. Each time he saw Decepticons, bound and stripped of their weapons, there was no rage in their expressions, nor malice or contempt - only an eternal tiredness, hopelessness... and resignation with Fate.

Warframes. Mighty mechs being brought to their knees and stripped of their pride. Truly a sight which made minibot feel more miserable then three inmates he tried to take care of.

“Bossbot… Ratchet… please, come back here as soon as you can," Recently promoted Prime finally said as a conclusion to his speech. "I… I am afraid I won’t be able to handle this situation on my own anymore.”

#blitzbeeweek2024 #blitzbee #bumbleblitz #tfa bumblebee #tfa ratchet #tfa lugnut #tfa blitzwing #tfa megatron #tfa optimus prime #bumblebee #ratchet #lugnut #blitzwing #megatron #optimus prime #transformers #transformers animated #tfa #TFA: Icarus #gn projects

[codenamesazanka]

『それは… 明日のおまえら次第だな』 "That... depends on you guys tomorrow."

Shigaraki's said something like this before.

way back, during the Stain arc.

『そりゃ明日次第だ』 "That depends on tomorrow."

During the Stain arc, Shigaraki was having a fight with Stain over ideals - over whether it was needed at all, whether having Conviction vs. Random Destruction would better achieve their shared goal - changing the status quo. Stain went and did some Extreme Heroing, while Shigaraki unleashed Noumu into the city to cause indiscriminate destruction.

After everything died down, after Stain was captured and the Noumu were killed - after the battle was over - Kurogiri asks if Shigaraki succeeded in his goal. Shigaraki only says that it depends - he won't know until he sees the results and the effects of this fight in tomorrow. Whether what he's done has made any impression, whether it was Stain or him that was correct.

Shigaraki caused all this destruction, hoping that people will take notice, hoping to prove that what he does (brutal destruction) can change the status quo, that what he does will eventually turn to dust 'that piece of garbage' All Might and the society that worships him.

(The Stain fight also ends with Deku in the hospital, vaguely troubled by Stain's words.)

Now, in this final war arc, in which Villains and Heroes were having a battle over control of the future, over destroying everything (because it rejects and harmed them) or preserving everything with some change? (because... well, lives are at stake and so is society as they know it). Heroes defended, while Villains attacked. More specific to Shigaraki, he fought to destroy in order to be a Hero for the Villains.

After everything died down, after the Villains were defeated - after the battle was over - this time, Shigaraki admits defeat to Deku. And so he asks Deku to give a message to Spinner: That Shigaraki Tomura fought to destroy until the bitter end. He did not seem to regret it, and he tried, but he failed to destroy everything. Deku then tells Shigaraki that he actually did - "It's already been destroyed." Shigaraki has succeeded in his goal.

But once again, Shigaraki only says that it depends. The results and effects of this war is pending. Shigaraki caused all this destruction, and-- Did he turn to dust all he hated in society - the rejection, the injustice, the societal apathy? Did he change the status quo at all? Did he manage to be a Hero for the Villains? Will any of the things he did actually stick?

He doesn't know. He can't know, now that he's dead. But he hopes it does, and unable to do anything more (because he is dead), he's leaving it to Deku and the others - "That… depends on you guys starting tomorrow. Really, do your best."

(and now Deku's at the hospital again, vaguely troubled by Shigaraki's death.)

.*.

After the Stain arc, when Shigaraki watched the news and saw that everyone was more concerned about Stain than the Noumu, when Shigaraki realized he failed, it caused him to go and come back stronger. It got him to confront Deku, refine his goal, reaffirm his hatred, and then he came back with the League of Villains, and the rest is history.

We are now in the aftermath of the war. Everything's being rebuilt. Hero Society is back on track. The question is: did anything change? Was Deku right that Shigaraki 'already destroyed it' - and so Shigaraki succeeded? Or did Shigaraki fail, again?

What's going to happen, if he did?

And I guess that depends on Horikoshi, starting next chapter.

#nalslastworkingbraincell #shigaraki tomura

[hell-hoound]

umemiya hajime - headcanons

• okay so we all know this mf is goofy, aloof and serious when he has to be, but I think he would def be petty and hella dramatic.

• I ?? can see him as a tutor ? idk I think he'd often have lil meetings with the students at fuurin and ask everyone if they'd need help or even put up posters for study groups. just thinking abt ume w glasses..

• two words: smug bastard. if you're on the short side, I can see him nudging you a lil bit as he picks up his walking speed because what are you gonna do with those short n stubby legs?? he'll feel bad last minute realizing how far away you are and wait for you to catch up. or just like.. empty and out of pocket play fighting. he is a big brother after all, he has an inkling to pester lowkey and he just heckles you for it.

• the town, his fellow classmates, kotoha, and his garden.. he may be particular and protective about them but I think he'd be significantly ocd about his garden and have a select few persons to water if he couldn't for some reason.

• when he's sick !! the first hc and the fourth go into this one but he's dramatic and kind of sensitive when he's not feeling his best. he'll be all comfy in his bed, snot dribbling down his nose with a fever patch on his forehead covered by his messy gray locks. you make frequent visits to see how he's doing in the mornings on the way to school and come back after stopping at the grocery store to cook him some food and make sure he's taking meds and drinking enough fluids. depending on how sick he is, you take it yourself to help him clean his place up: laundry, dishes, taking out the trash, buying him some groceries he can microwave for his convinence of not having to be up out of bed if he doesn't have the strength- little things like that. if you offer to water and watch over his plants- I hope you know what you're getting yourself into.. he'll put on his glasses like an old man and get his camera set for facetime to watch you take care of them and nit-pick. yeah, it's nice to see your pretty face but don't be hurt when he tells you to turn the camera view to the plants bc he wants to talk to them LMAO "look at those beautiful babies.. don't worry, papa will be back soon!- *aachoo*"

• last but not least !! I think whether or not he's interested in you romantically or just as a friend, I think he'd appreciate you a hundred times more if you became good friends with kotoha. like- be friends with her to be her friend. idk but she just looks so lonely :(. take her out on lil lunch or dinner dates, shopping sprees, get manis or pedis or to hang out at your place, and have matching phone cases !! and bring along miss queen tsubaki bc that will be your lil trio and make plans for concerts or more matching things. and then tell ume abt your lil trips !! he'd just smile and hold his head up with his hand, elbow supporting him on the table. "thank you for hanging out with her, I can't tell you enough how happy it makes me to see her happy and have a great friend." then would proceed to pester kotoha abt why she wouldn't have anything cutesy and matchy with him, he is her big brother after all !! 🥺

a/n: I hope you guys enjoyed!! some of these headcanons were inspired by @sunnyangy on their post abt umemiya’s hcs, check them out !!

#wind breaker (satoru nii) #wind breaker #hajime umemiya #fanfic #headcanon #crack post

[the-hype-on-tv]

vignette and addiction: my takes

(cw & tw: substance addiction, general addiction, mention of sexual themes and pornography, self destructive behavior, anxiety and depression)

vignette is one of my favorite songs on clancy (all of them are, but that's not the point), and as i was watching the livestream i heard tyler mention explicitly that the song was about addiction. and that's a theme i think it's important, and it's good that he brought it to light

while you'd read the lyrics and think the song is clearly about substance abuse, I don't think this is what tyler meant it to be about. not entirely.

the thing about addiction, is that everyone can have it, be in larger or smaller scale. it's like a tick that latches onto your skin but you can't see it or feel it because it numbs your senses.

I've dealt with addiction before (not substance, but adult entertainment on the internet, and then in real life) and i think this to be true: anything can be an addiction. be it a mania like biting your nails or maybe an eating disorder, to spending too much time on certain apps; everything that keeps us enslaved can be hurtful for our health.

we become mindless zombies, we can't see what's around us, we can't think unless it's related to that thing in specific that will bring back the feeling, the comfort. it's desperation for relief, for numbness, for a familiar pain. i see "the vignette" as a metaphor for something you can't always see, but it's there, until it swallows you completely

when i was deep in my addiction, one of the things i couldn't stop thinking about was: "can people see that I'm an addict? am i hiding it well?" the anxiety of wanting to appear normal, like I want struggling, like i wasn't under the control of something so simple and mundane, it consumed me to the point of wanting to isolate myself.

you're always clinging to the promise you won't do it again, you won't let it win, but sometimes you can't. and that's okay. it's a constant fight, a process, and it might never truly go away, but you'll get stronger each time.

the second verse messes with me the most. when you see someone who has openly struggled with addiction, the before and after may surprise you. people who were once so full of good values and confident in themselves "suddenly" let themselves rot away without realizing, or without caring.

i think "where do i go from here" represents the emptiness you feel once you're sober. you feel lost, like you're in the dark and you can't find footing. you want to feel comfortable again, but it never lasts long enough.

and of course "no not me it's for a friend" would be a controversial one. you could say that the hurtful thing you're consuming isn't for you, it's for a friend, but you could also say that about help. i personally like the help one, but i think both can be right. admitting to having a problem is the first and most difficult step in all of the process, you're always so scared of feeling judged that you'd rather pretend it's someone else who has to deal with it. heck, I'm feeling that right now as i write this! sometimes I can't use the right words at all without feeling a chill down my spine, but i believe that it's just like exposure therapy, and I'm sure it will be less and less scary to talk about it as i grow, just like tyler is talking about it now

vignette is a masterpiece, and although I don't and probably won't know for sure whether tyler has dealt with a different kind of addiction like i have, or if he actually is just referring to substance ones and I'm putting my bias into it, I don't care. this song will always have a special meaning to me and i hope it does to everyone else as well:

everyone struggles. we might be ashamed of it sometimes, but we should take pride in our recovery instead. it'll be hard to seek help, but the search party will come.

#twenty one pilots #tøp #twenty øne piløts #skeleton clique #twentyonepilots #tyler joseph #the clique #clancy #vignette #cw addiction #tw addiction #cw substance use #tw substance abuse #cw hypersexuality #tw pornography mention #song analysis

[gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan]

Teaching Evasive Maneuvers

Previous =-= Next

Author's note: More of Symith in mermay.

Summary: Symith and his younger brothers and cousins are patrolling, he spots a new arrival coming in. Realizes it's a Custodes and teaches rapid evasive maneuvers and gets them all back to base before the Custodes makes a splash.

Warnings: ... Let me know if I need to add more.

Tagged: @barn-anon, @bleedingichorhearts, @c-u-c-koo-4-40k, @egrets-not-regrets, @kit-williams

Tagged: @sleepyfan-blog, @whorety-k

Symith is with the same mixed squad of Ultramarines and Space Wolves, all of them younger than him by decades, how they got here, was usually due to battle- and the strange twist of circumstances that had them from one breath to another There to Here. He's not one to ponder who gets chosen or why, and from what he's heard, even Custodes have been dropped onto Ancient Terra, not many, Thank the All-father, for they are far more dangerous than even the worst of Rampaging Khornate Space Marines.

He's heard the stories of whole pods of Space Marines being torn asunder, Loyalist, Renegade, and Chaos, because the Custodes deemed them unfit for Life, or because they wouldn't listen to the words of the Loyalists, explaining when and where they are. He suspects that they are trying to seek out the much younger version of The Emperor. Which, well- he wonders if they'll find him or not. He wonders if them being here will effect the time line, or if they are now in a new timeline, or if this will just be a temporary thing and won't actually affect things at all. Or- one of the younger space marines swims over to him with a concerned frown.

"You're bleeding from the nose," The young Apothecary with them says in concern, "Did you hit your head or something?"

"Ah- just got a wicked headache," He says waving the youngster off.

He had been... thinking about- oh, bad nope, not going to try going to think or poke at what is for Witches and Rune Priests to deal with. He's good at teaching and protecting and fighting, among other things. Such navel gazing and thoughts of philosophy and causality and other fancy-smancy nerd shit is for those of a higher intelligence than him. He allows the young Apothecary fuss over him as the Warp wipes away his thoughts on things that he should really not try to think too hard about. It just is.

"You didn't have to fuss so much," He says with a mild grumble

As they continue to patrol this area of the seas, on Ancient Terra, there had been some Excitement, some Idiot Chaos Psyker had tried to do some Great Working and it had twisted and gone wrong, and potentially really cursed an underwater cave system nearby.

Exactly where, he's not been told, mostly so he doesn't go poke at it with his bolter and get bitten by something Nasty. Also, another thing, there was some rumblings about a Nurglite Infestation that had nearly destroyed a Coral Reef ecosystem, that too, was being handled by those who are qualified to handle it. He had his squad are to try and see if they can find other Strange Things that might be happening, or Chaos Bastards who aren't where they are supposed to be.

Also, he's unsurprised that the Chaos Marines are Up To Shit, and Causing Problems On Purpose for everyone else. It's what they do, they are, after all, Chaos Marines. He has Opinions on this 'armistice' between the two sides, especially since he knows that certain factions within the Chaos Marine pods and shoals aren't doing their part of the deal as well as they should. The larger Chaos Marine Pods would claim that it was smaller shoals that aren't a part of the Alliance that lies at fault, but he's got his doubts on that. Even odds on whether it's true or not. He swims to the surface and looks up- he'd spotted something glittering and sparkling above him and then swum fast down to where the Scouts are.

"Boys!" He calls sharply.

Gratifyingly they all turn towards him swiftly. "We need to move out of the area- a new Custodes is landing in these waters."

They all seems startled and start to whirl, "Move it lads! I don't want to become shark chum from a raging Custodes having a fit from their arrival. We also need to let the Chapter Masters in the area know so they can decide on the approach. Now- get moving!"

They are all loyalists, but depending on when the Custodes is from, what they were doing, and where they were before coming to Ancient Terra... being Reasonable is Not something that was designed by the Emperor within his Golden Host. So- they are swimming, fast and in the deep and in a circuitous pattern- he's barking out orders to them to help them with evasion and hopefully, staying unnoticed by one of those Stuffy, Uppity bastards who were more likely to kill, than listen to anything anyone said, or pull their weight and bully any and everyone who knows exactly what they are to their advantage, taking more in supplies and resources, and knowledge faster than they usually allowed new arrivals to have.

But such was the Custodes- catering to those bastards whims.  New Custodes, are very likely to be Unbonded. Trying to risk sending a message to one of the Bonded Custodes about their newly arrived brother, usually they would deign to speak with their brother and explain things. Which was a better way, in his opinion, let the Bonded Custodes deal with unbonded Custodes and leave them out of it.

He thinks it had worked, none of them are dead without realizing it, and he's not heard the whale song- and booming crooning calls of a Custodes on a hunt, when they decided to be noisy. Informing the Captain in deck of what was going on had been fun, but since he's done his job, and now that problem is so far above his paygrade it isn't funny. He grabs his squad of Scouts and tucks them into one of the shared nests to make sure they are all safe, alright, and most importantly, do not be stupid and try to catch a glimpse of a Custodes. His boys are safest where he can see them, scruffing the Apothecary and tucking him into the middle of the group.

#warhammer 40k #space marine husbandry sentience #space marine husbandry #warhammer #adeptus astartes #mermay #mermay 2024 #mermay 40K #poor unfortunate souls #poor unfortunate souls au #oc: Symith

[spitinsideme]

Sorry if this is too personal, but I wanted to ask you how your lesbian awakening was! At what moment did you realize you were truly gay? I have a theory that everyone goes through a period in their lives where they question their sexuality, even if it's a very short one, so I find these stories to be really intriguing since everyone sort of has an unique experience! Not sure if you've answered this before even, but I wanted to hear about your experience.

no question is ever too personal here for me ! ask anything you want !! i never actually was into men i never had that questioning part of the experience ? i havr never, in my life, been attracted to men or thought that was weird or odd, i didnt even know what gays were until i found out at a young age theough this episode story. i have quite literally ALWAYS been attracyed to women, whether that be my teachers (when i was very young and i just wnated to impress them because i reallyreally liked them !) or friends, classmates, whatever, i would do my best for every girl possible even thr ines who bullied me because i really liked themq

i think the first time i heard about the word lesbian was when this girl cornerred me in the girls bathroom wafter she found out i was roblox dating one of her friends and i was confused like ??? whats a lesbian ?? and so i think i remeber asking her and she saud "a girl who likes girls" and i just said okay ! and then that was it she never taljed to me again. i mean rven at the age of 12 i started trying to gain muscles brcause i wnated women to like me and i wanted to impress them. my family is EXTEMELY homophobic so obviously they never taught me about gay but thwy also jsut NEVER talked about it and so i didnt get to hear what they thoight because it was a subject that was never brought up. i would alwyas choose to be the boys in stories do i coukd get the girl, one time when i was about 8 or 9 ? i dont knkw just like young i even told my mother "i wish i were a boy so i could get with girls" bwcayse, in my head, all i had seen (from bookd and shit) is men being with women

i have literally NEVER questioned my sexulaity, i jsut never had a word for it becaude i thoight it was like yrah nothing diferent about it, when i learned what a lesbian was i was like oh yeah alroghr thats me ! and that was it, there was no questioning no denying no anything just yeah ! okay ! i came out the womb ready to grow up and kiss women

#i didnt even knoe what straight meant to be fair #no idea about anything i was just a happy child who loved odd things

[missmastectomy]

hello, pretty freshly detrans here. i finally understand what all those ‘annoying cis people’ meant when they said gender isn’t a feeling. like, actually, i fully comprehend it now. if you unpack all those supposed ‘gender feels’ it all wraps back to stereotypes and gender roles, whether you identify as a soft boy or a big rugged stereotypical man like i did. because that’s all gender is. and holy shit, i feel duped!

you’re telling me i could’ve spent all this time being a hot hairy butch who defied the social expectations placed on women but i was so entrenched in the idea that i was somehow a man, which is DEFINITELY a real innate category of being and not a made up social class assigned to a given sex to give them more power (sarcasm) that i lost half my family to it? that i argued with people i know and love over it? that i experienced trauma in the church because of it? only to realize that gender itself isn’t even real, something i knew the whole time but hypocritically refused to apply to myself. i’ve been scammed. i dressed up my personality in a blue box and told myself it was a boy. fuck.

at least there’s freedom in sight now. sorry to rant in your inbox, i hope it’s relatable if nothing else.

I completely understand. I also used to feel annoyed when “cis” people said they don’t know what feeling gender is like. The thing is, though, trans people’s gender feelings are actually very easy to understand once you get to the bottom of what dysphoria is. Often trans people will describe their gender identity as stemming from dysphoria, a disconnect between the mind and body. The discomfort and desire to be the other sex is so strong that people transition and the vast majority of trans people describe that as the state of “being a woman/man,” instead of “hey, I’m a bio female/woman transitioning in order to cope with dysphoria.”

I talked about it before, but if you understand why women get harmful cosmetic surgeries because they cannot stand living in their bodies, or why anorexics will hurt themselves in pursuit of a perfect body, you already understand half of trans identity. People often try to reinvent themselves when they’ve been rejected or traumatized. People often try to mold themselves into someone else, someone you were “always meant to be,” but ultimately never will, because the image you’ve created in your mind is completely fictitious.

Most trans people operate like this. Ime there are vanishingly few trans people who recognize that their sex doesn’t change and that they are ultimately still men or women. Most consider gender to be innate, therefore they were always actually men or women. Few acknowledge that it is basically a lifestyle choice. Honestly, a poor one at that, considering the adverse effects it has on your body and social life.

Some transmeds cite sex dysphoria as the reason for transition, but where does it come from? They often argue that transsexuals have brains that map out the body of the opposite sex and that causes the dysphoria, but there’s poor evidence for this. Ask a trans person how they knew they were trans and they will say 1) they always felt uncomfortable in their body/didn’t connect with others of their sex or 2) I’m a boy/girl but engaged in stereotypical activities of the opposite sex. It’s really just a bunch of made up nonsense to explain the suffering a lot of gnc, gay, whatever people experience.

A lot of trans people don’t realize that everyone else also has “gender feelings,” but they just don’t describe it with the language trans people do. Because of this disconnect, trans people often take this as evidence that their gender identities are real and infallible. But if you talk to, say, a woman who was very masculine as a child and didn’t fit in with girls, you will literally hear the same feelings of discomfort that most transmen describe. The difference is that these women grew out of it or learned to cope and accept themselves. Most transmen do not.

The conditions for trans identity to form are a combination of wrong place wrong time. I have a hard time not feeling sympathetic for the old fashioned transsexual types who recognize bio sex because I understand how debilitating dysphoria can be, but the religious mumbo jumbo speak of the modern trans movement is insufferable and harming thousands, if not millions, of people. It’s time to come back down to reality.

#detrans #gender critical #detransition #mail #radblr

[yourqueenb]

Feeling another random burst of self confidence (probably due to lack of sleep honestly) so have a heavily made-up eye reveal I guess? 😂

#this is from my bridal makeup trial back in December #and tbh even though it’s not exactly what I wanted I still really liked it and the overall look looked good in my engagement photos #we’re gonna change a few things for the day of but yeah #no one asked but I actually like my eye shape for the most part #I feel like they can look kind of sleepy or a bit too small sometimes in photos where I’m not wearing as much makeup #or any at all #but I still like them especially since they look like that less often now #maybe it’s bc I’ve kind of grown out of that and I haven’t really noticed until recently #or maybe it’s just bc I’m getting a little better at taking photos lol #either way if you’re a teenage girl or a woman in her early 20s and you have these random but prominent insecurities like me #I just wanna say that you’ll get past them/grow into them #maybe it’s just those awkward teen years or maybe you’re not completely comfortable with how you look or taking pictures yet #but it’s okay you’re beautiful in your own way #and it’s okay to have insecurities too #everyone has them whether you realize it or not #I def still have other things I’m insecure about #but it’s important to talk and think nicely about yourself even when it’s hard #so that’s what I’m doing here #I’m gonna try to keep practicing that from now on #hopefully I can keep it up bc I really do think too negatively about myself sometimes

[ilovedthestars]

here's the thing. yes, some pieces of art are "better" than others. there are many criteria you can measure that with--technical skill, creativity, clarity, conceptual depth, successful execution of the artist's intentions, etc., and i do think it's useful to clarify which ones you're using as a measuring stick. but like, of course you can evaluate art. of course you can be critical (in the "art critic" sense) of art. (among other things, that's one of the most important ways to get better at making art yourself.)

however. when it comes down to evaluating what gets to count as art. what art even gets to have a seat at the table. i will go to bat for the thing that isn't as "good" every single time.

you can say you think a piece of art is bad. you can say you think it lacked technical skill, or clarity, or conceptual depth, and you consider those important elements of a successful work. i might even agree with you. but if you think that means it doesn't matter, someone is going to die on this hill and it isn't going to be me

#this is not apropos of anything #or like directed at anyone in particular #just to be clear #i just had a Thought that triggered something in my art student brain and made this click #because i am being trained how to critique and evaluate art. i know how to objectively and subjectively judge whether something is 'good' #('good' in scare quotes bc that is such a vague metric. i tend to use 'successful' more often) #but the second someone calls something 'bad art' or 'not even art' i will be ready to back it up instantly #and i realized that it boils down to acting like something doesn't matter because it has failed to meet a certain standard #i think all art matters. i think that doodle of a cat you drew in the corner of your math notebook matters #i think that poem you wrote when you were in second grade matters #i think that song you made up and recorded on a voice memo and then cringed when you listened to it later matters #i also think those abstract expressionist artists that everyone loves to hate on matter btw #their art doesn't speak to me that strongly but that doesn't mean it didn't have anything to say #everyone has something to say. and you can have opinions about what they said or how they said it #but you don't get to tell them to stop talking #that includes when that someone is yourself btw #anyway #this has been my monthly-or-so evening ramble #i've been overdue for one honestly #stars has thoughts

[skeleticals]

i think they should make the border smaller so they force people to get out of their caves and so the ggn can have actual fun content. this is a pvp centered event so !

#qsmp #chatter #from every perspective I've been watching bbh just looks like a huge pussy and since I haven't gotten to watch his povs I'm really hoping - #he has a plan to just fucking kill everyone/actually pvp w ppl that doesn't involve spawn camping #and once i started watching etoiles pov i realized that red team also look like huge pussies. #not necessarily neg of any cc it's just a bit annoying considering this is a pvp event whether they like it or not! #it doesn't matter if you're bad at pvp all that matters is that at LEAST you try #and whats even sadder is that etoiles is promising them that they aren't gonna get their stuff once they kill them all they want is blood

[grinchwrapsupreme]

One thing Being Human does really well is show the different ugly ways trauma can manifest - anger, sadness, becoming convinced of things that aren't true - and how conflicting traumas can result in actively hostile relationships

#don't click on the tags unless you want to read so so much #being human uk #i was thinking about this a lot especially wrt the first ep of season 2 where george is being SUCH an ass to nina #and it's a great example of like #they are both going through something extremely traumatic #like to the point where they cannot support one another at all #nina's whole perspective of the world has just changed and she may now be a monster #meanwhile george has killed someone - the thing he's feared most since the beginning - and they didn't show it but #presumably he would have woken up covered in herrick's viscera #like those are two insane things to process no matter who you are #and annie and mitchell cannot help them so they're both just lashing out at each other wondering why no one cares #george and nina have to relive the trauma of being infected every month when they change and go through that painful process #mitchell relives the trauma of being turned every time he feeds or sees the victim of a different vampire #all three of them have to be reminded they are monsters and are a danger to everyone around them #including themselves #and annie relives her trauma every goddam day living in that house #and every time she sees owen #whether she realizes it or not #and she tries to remedy this by feeling needed #and that's another thing about the show!! #how all of them show specific responses to trauma #george and nina react with fear and intense anger #mitchell reacts with a stand-in for addiction - seeking substances or trying desperately to avoid those substances #annie reacts with memory loss and the desire to be needed #and all four of them react by trying to have a normal life while being convinced that they can never have one #and so much more!! #the scene in the second episode where tully tries to kill himself and george just walks away? #that is not normal!! #george is so convinced of being a monster that he will behave like a monster #yes he goes back for him but that initial response is so indicative of what the trauma has done to him so early into the show

[lloydfrontera]

i know it's the logical conclusion and realistically it makes sense to point out that people can only like you so much. but. i really want lloyd to be proven wrong. i really want him to realize there's no limit to how much someone can love you. i want his parents and javier and julien's approval rating to keep going up even when lloyd thinks there's nothing more he can do to earn their love for him. i want him to be able to learn that sometimes love can keep growing every day for no other reason than because the other person is choosing to love you over and over again. i just want him to feel loved just for being him and not for what he does is that too much to ask for?!?

#lloyd frontera #tged #the greatest estate developer #i know it's probably not what the novel is going for but!! i can dream!! #like yeah it's realistic that at one point he won't be able to make people's approval of him keep going up #because there's only so much he can do to make them like him #but like!! love doesn't work like that!! your actions do matter when it comes to whether someone loves you or not #but at one point it also comes to the other person deciding to keep loving you! to choose to keep building upon that foundation!! #and i want lloyd to experience that!! #i want him to realize that yes there is a point where he won't be able to do more to earn more approval from them. but that it doesn't #matter because they love him and everyday they spent with him is one where they love him more #im sorry im a sucker for characters finding out how loved they are by their family and friends do you still think im hot #one thing i do have to say is that tged has always been very clear that actions do matter when it comes to people liking or loving you #like it starts with lloyd taking over the body of someone who by his own actions had made it so everyone hated him #and so he had to earn back the trust and approval of everyone around him #but that's an extreme case! it wasn't even something he had done! but it definitely influenced how he approached everyone around him #because instead of having to just start from 0 and naturally build relationships like it's normally done #he had to work twice as hard to repair what og lloyd had broken #idk i just think it's fascinating and i would love if the novel acknowledged how unfair and actually a little fucked up it was to give him #a system where he had to earn points from his relationships with others and always be aware of how much they either liked or disliked him #(something that would fuck with the self esteem of anyone) #while also putting him in the body of someone who had already done so much to burn bridges with everyone and his damn best to be disliked #but i know it's probably too much to ask for 😅 #i talk a lot <3

[scarletiswailing347]

so the unfortunate thing about me is that, when it comes to the media i consume, i tend to have one 'anchor' (very rarely two) to keep me interested

this is necesary cause i have an incredibly hard time being interested in things in general so i have to purposefully spend my focus on one thing so that i can keep being interested in it cause otherwise i just kinda feel meh about the thing, i mean ill still watch and enjoy it but i wont be as interested as id like to be and may even drop it eventually after struggling to keep interacting with it (this is unfortunately what happened with empires, x-life, yogscast, and the lsmp seasons without mumbo in it)

if i ever drop that anchor whether purposefully or not then i lose interest in everything that ive ever connected to its rope -- i could still enjoy them sure but then at that point theyll just be like every other filler content in my life, like music when im washing the dishes

for hc its mumbo, for dsmp and smplive it was schlatt, for the scrunkly squad its boosfer and baablu

for lifesteal its zam

idk what happened behind the scenes but ill be honest its not looking good and theres a possibility i might have to drop him :/

#mine.txt #not sure yet tho cause without enough context it just feels like im doing something unnecessary that the affected party (lila) #may not necessarily want #i mean intuitively it seems like something that someone would want #guy who hurt you loses support? sounds great right? #but thats not really something everyone wants and i am Very Sensitive to feelings of intrusion whether by me or other ppl #either way im def gonna loosen the hold at the very least #i mean i Could look for another anchor but its a lot harder for me to attach to an anchor if they were attached to another anchor before #so for me to stay interested in something even after the anchor dropped there has to have been another anchor at the same time #like boosfer and baablu with the scrunkly squad #even if one of them drops i can still stay interested in ss (although i may become more focused on one inner circle more than the other) #also ill be honest i just dont really care enough about lifesteal in general to do that #what a shame i really liked zams character too #both drawing and making stories of him #just gonna go hard on baablu and mumbo if it ever happens ig #oh man just realized im gonna drop gen too if and when it happens #nooooo not my saturday morning cartoon T-T #it is what it is ig its not the first time this has hapenned and it wont be the last #honestly the best option for me to stay interested in something is for the plot/lore to be my anchor #unfortunately that very rarely happens cause of how character-driven a lot of stories are #and esp with cc-content its even moreso considering its nature #...just now realizing this May be part of the reason why i love mystery stuff so much #yeah the characters are important but they mean practically nothing without the plot like they wouldnt act the way they do without it

[dylanconrique]

i need lucy to be taken care of. she always goes so far out of her way to help others in need and i love that about her, but i don't think she's had a real break since her recovery from being kidnapped and so much has happened to her since then that i just need her to be hugged and taken care of. not only by tim, but by everyone else too. 🥺💗

#*and this is icarly! #the rookie #tim bradford #lucy chen #otp: you know me so well #she's always been my fave and has had my whole heart from the very beginning that's why i need her to be taken care of 🥺💗 #idc in what context whether she's physically mentally or emotionally hurt i just need someone to wrap this girl up in a big bear hug #tim needs to quote to her 'you take care of everyone but who takes care of you?' can you IMANGINE?!!! #like 'let me do it. let me take care of you.' #breaking my own heart over here 😭😭😭😭😭 #ngl i love angela and nyla as a due but it would be nice to see lucy included with them on occasion 🥺 #watching tonight's episode made me fully realize just how not easy my baby girl has had it :( #sure she's officially dating the man of her dreams but eho does she really have to fall back onto when things aren't working out with them? #ik that's a big question to ask considering their relationship rn is secret and apparently no one has caught on to their little charade #but.... #idk i'm just over analyzing her plotline this episode outside of her relationship with tim and it got me spiraling in my lucy chen feels

[daisyachain]

The brain has been going TsumeTsumeTsume for 2 hours. Admitting he knew from the start what Hige was. Sitting curled up away from the body. Watching the people he kept together when even Kiba couldn’t do it get torn apart. Not running away and still not being able to make a difference. The snarl! The lying! Two of the best English voice actors who have worked together forever screaming at each other! And best of all—I can’t believe I forgot—he knew he’d never be the one!

Which doesn’t just mean he knows he’s ordinary. No, rather, he wondered, he thought, he felt the pull and the desire to be there, he wanted to give himself up to it, and he knew that he would never be enough! All this time he’s been striving towards a goal he had already realized didn’t exist.

#kelsey liveblogs wolf’s rain #this time around i realize he really is the team caretaker #whether he likes them or not he looks out for and cares for everyone in his radius. the gang the wolves even the people #he reaches out to hubb. he fulfils Hige’s request. he spares Kiba the choice between them #more than any other character he has cared for the ones around him. while also being a douche about it #you never forget your first. and now he’s mom’s fave too <3