#everyone talked abt how they cried and how it really Hit and i didn't get it until then

[sapsolais]

i love nimona

#i'm going 2 ramble here in the tags ok. okay? ok #god. look. i went into this movie thinking 'yeah yeah obv trans allegory woohoo' thinkin that's great! but #idk. i thought it would be something that could be brushed aside or sanitized easily maybe. y'know? like passed off as another kids movie #and i thought maybe other trans folks could relate 2 the movie and i was like ok that's cool let's watch it and. it was just #that one scene. #everyone talked abt how they cried and how it really Hit and i didn't get it until then #at the statue #i cried. a lot. and i never do that w media and i don't mean that to be edgy or whatever kssdfkjg but just #oh fuck #they Get It #that part. it reached into my soul and grabbed that core part of me and Tugged. #it Hurt and i felt it. the exhaustion. ready to give up. the cry nimona let out. i cried because i got it. and then i cried harder because #i'd give anything for a ballister in my life #my thoughts are 'they got us in the second half ngl' basically KSDJHFKSJDHFKSD #first half of the movie? great! but second half? oh. oh it punches u in the face over and over and gets better and better #it's so. SO good. god. i don't know when everything clicked 4 me i don't think it was a singular moment but. man. oh man #i need to rewatch that immediately #instantly a favorite. shit #it's so unapologetically nimona. it's so Itself and it's not sorry and i love it and it feels so special and i'm holding it so close #there's 2 much to gush about in these tags there's not enough space but just know. i am Insane about this #sap says #god. fuck

[jaidens]

hi :) if you're comfortable with it, could you write daniel supporting a reader struggling with body image? i'm just having a hard time tonight being nice to myself about the way i look and it would really comfort me <3 no pressure & no worries if not since i know it can be a touchy subject ! thanks 🤍

And When I Break, It's In A Million Pieces

pairing [s] : daniel larusso x reader

warning [s] : self-talk abt \ image | crying | my overall warning is if this topic may upset anyone in any way, you get this warning and you don't have to read it.

a/n [s] : hey sweetheart! I'm fully comfortable with anything besides obvious triggers. we all have hard nights and I want you to remember you're beautiful/handsome in every way. Now here's some Danny.

You were trying.

That's all you recognized about your feelings.

Nobody's way of healing is the exact same as everyone else's, and that's what you told yourself. However, the damned mirror that stood in front of you, pulling you to nitpick at yourself. It started off simple, hand running across certain parts of your face that you didn't particularly enjoy about yourself.

Then it escalated to seeing spots that nobody would have noticed, but you did. Your mom would always mention how observant you were whenever you were younger. Who knew it would follow you to your middle school and highschool years of your life?

Daniel had an idea about your feelings. He caught you crying under the bleachers one day and he held you until everything felt better. That's what you wished you had right at this moment. Tears prick your vision, blurring out the figure in the mirror.

Then, it suddenly hits you, Daniel was coming over soon for a movie night. Your room is a mess with clothes you tossed on the floor. A small knock churns through your door and you speak out a quick, “Who is it?!” You hear a small cough and out follows, “Daniel, baby! I brought the snacks you wanted…!”

You smile at the door and tell him to come in, which he quickly follows and throws the various snacks and candy on your bed. He walks up behind you and runs his hands on your arms. “How are you doing? I heard your Ma say that you weren't feeling the best.” Daniel's lip gently kisses behind your ear, making you smile softly and out your head on his shoulder.

“Oh. It was nothing. I just had a small cold.” Daniel nods and you turn out of his arms to grab the remote. The TV is playing Sixteen Candles, a movie you saw with Daniel on your eighth month anniversary. Inherently, you would have squeezed into Daniel's arms and held onto him as tight as possible.

However, now how you had seen yourself, you decided to stay a few inches apart from him with your legs pulled to your chest. Thirty minutes into the movie, Daniel noticed something was off. The way you pulled your body closer together and felt the lump pull back into your throat again.

He gives you your favorite pack of candy, but you only take two bites and throw it to the side. It's unusual for you, but he shrugged it off. He knows that you might still be a little sick. He lays closer to you, head on your arm and you scratch his dark brown hair. He's paying attention to the screen and you, smiling at both whenever he looks around.

The movie ends, the credits rolling across the screen whenever he flicks your lamp on. He sits up, getting closer to you. “You seem off,” Daniel tells you, hand falling gently against your thigh, rubbing against the shorts you were clad in. You knew the real Daniel. The Daniel that held onto you and cried after Johnny ridiculed him just enough. The Daniel that went in the middle of the road to save a kitten and raised it. “Are you sure you're feeling okay? Not just sickness wise.”

Your breath hitches in your throat, and you try and swallow down the lump that makes everything feel worse. The tears that pool up again are prominent as you try to let out some words. “I—I have been having some trouble..” Quietly calls from your mouth, tears getting heavy and falling from your eyes. “Do you actually think I look good? Be honest.” You ask him, staring into the brown eyes that begin darting across your face to admire it.

“You want me to be honest?” Daniel asks while his tongue darts out to lick his lips. “I think you're the prettiest thing ever. You're hot. Definitely hot. And ya’ got these gorgeous eyes that make me swoon.” You smile at him gently and connect your lips against his parted ones. His hand falls on your neck before you both pull away. “You know, when I lived in Jersey, I used to get picked on a whole lot by this guy named Tony. I let myself get down by it and Ma would have to carry me home because I tried to punch him. Not the best idea. That was the second time I got my ass kicked by someone.”

You laugh slightly before laying further in his arms. You kiss him again, getting closer to him. “I just, compare myself to everyone else. Especially in all those magazines. I read them and see the girls with the long legs and they're as tiny as barbie dolls. I just can't help thinking that I'm not your type.” You admitted to him as you wrapped your arms against your stomach again.

“You are definitely my type. I think you're real beautiful. I always love your outfits and the way you need to stare at every item you see in the mall. You're my favorite person in the whole world. Mr. Miyagi asked me one day, “Daniel-San, have you ever been in love?” and I told him you were the one I was gonna marry, y'know.” His confession makes you melt in his arms. Daniel wasn't the best at explaining his feelings, and you had recognized that early one. So, the way he was talking was new to you.

“You’re so sweet. Always making m’ feel so good. I love you, Danny.” You tell him, feeling his arms wrap around you. “I love you too beautiful. Now, can you scratch my hair again. That makes me feel so tired.” He asks you, giving his head to you and laying in your arms.

You know you can always count on Daniel to make you feel better on bad days. However, now he knows how to take care of you better and the right things to say to you.

#daniel larusso x reader #danielarussooask #karate kid 1984 #karate kid fanfiction #daniellarussoo ask #daniel larusso #young daniel larusso x reader #daniel larusso x you #daniel larusso x y/n #daniel larusso fluff #Daniel Larusso fanfiction

[misfithive]

Thank you for the way you handled that ask about Wille's and Simon's drama. Because that sentence 'On the other hand, Simon needs to have a bit of more drama thrown at him' made me so furious. It was so insensitive! The fact that he suffers in silence and alone in his room not to bother other people doesn't mean he doesn't suffer enough and needs some more! The fact that he didn't jump on the table or say he feels like dying doesn't make his experience any less traumatic than Wille's. What he needs is to process his trauma rather than brushing it aside, not to get some more.

Once again thank you, you put it all beautifully.

Yes 😭 this is a very common hope for Simon to get pushed to the point of a breakdown but it’s like .. at what cost?😩 He has been thru enough trauma for a lifetime and a half. And the thing is, most people cannot actually stop and process the trauma if they are constantly being hit with more. I think we are more likely to get simon opening up if he is able to find safety which he did not really have. he is expected to be the strong one by everyone in his life. His friends try their best but still, telling him to rebound is the same message him mother gives him of “you are strong”. Bc they dont want him to sit with his feelings and cry (it’s uncomfortable and not the norm for them), they want him to forget about the Prince and move on. Up until s3 he has not had someone to cry to- thats why he writes his songs and holds wille’s sweater. Even when he is talking to Rosh and Ayub in the kitchen if he was actually crying to them i feel they would show it- it appears he probably cried on the way home before they came (this is my hc if yall think he cried to them u can believe that if u want)

i think Simon’s character is very accurate to what a lot of men, people socialized as men, and also people of color experience and how we deal with our emotions. I get that for a lot of people it is cathartic to sob but for many of us, crying like that especially in front of someone else is terrifying. we are conditioned that letting other people see u in that vulnerable state is a weakness (puts you in danger or will be used against you & that anger is safer). I know some men who have not cried since they were children and told me they dont even remember what it feels like to cry or how to actually let the tears fall from their eyes. It is messed up. Is that fair? No. Is it true that it is a weakness? No. But not everyone learns that. The patriarchy sucks and harms us all lol i wish people would understand that and have empathy for the deep sadness that simon is carrying and hiding whether he lets it out or not.

Not to mention everyone deals with their trauma differently and i think it is cool that the show is realistic and shows people dealing with things in different ways. Simons character is relatable bc of this and instead of people saying “it’s not fair that Wille gets to express himself in this way and Simon doesn’t” i want people to think about WHY Simon is not be able to. I know wanting simon to cry comes from a good place but it does upset me a little bit bc even if he doesnt have a breakdown s3, that doesnt mean that the writers hate him and arent doing his story justice which is what people say abt s2. At the same time, if he does have a break down, that would be totally warranted. i'm just saying that if it doesn't happen that's valid too.

THAT BEING SAID. I think s3 is a great opportunity for Simon to hear from Wille that he doesnt always have to be strong and that Wille can be a reliable safe space. I think Wille’s tenderness is something that Simon sees and now that they are on good terms and Wille has worked to rebuild the trust, I hope Simon will turn to Wille for emotional support however that looks.

Ermmmn I’m very sorry that this turned into a dump but i had to get it off my chest.(made a few edits for clarity and spelling mistakes bc i posted this in the middle of the night)

#misfit answers asks #young royals #this is not targeted at the first anon i just see it a lot and have a lot to say on the topic #simon eriksson

[rebuke-me]

*shoots at your feet like a cowboy* talk about deere. whore. - @pigeonwit

(dancing like a chicken with its head cut off) don't mind if i do

ur gonna get me talking abt the idea of deere playing jack and davey in newsies bc it makes me gnaw on both ideas like a dog toy

jake playing jack who has never played a big role in a show before (unless you count that one time in freshman year where he read for mercutio in english class but that doesnt count) and absolutely freaking the FUCK out about it. relating a little too hard to the idea of being Everything for Everyone all the time, being the brave one who keeps his head under pressure. going a little too all out during santa fe because he doesn't know how else to deal with the concept of oh god i also have no clue what i'm doing here, i don't want to be stuck here forever. jake who plays off the fact that he cried onstage by saying that he just taught himself how to stage cry (he didn't)

jeremy playing davey and having INTENSE impostor syndrome, because why is he picked for a big role? but there's something so personal about the way that davey acts, the one who wants to have all the answers but falls flat sometimes because his heart is too damn big for his brain, and vice versa. jeremy who wants really, really badly to live up to everyone's expectations, to keep his head, to not let his emotions get the best of him.

also i think they'd bring horridly covered up homosexual energy to the two of them. u watch them and you're like are they about to hit each other or kiss. the answer is the latter.

(also if u like this concept im doing a shameless plug of never acting at all by urs truly)

#im sorry i went off #thank u pidge mwah #be more chill #bmc #jeremy heere #jake dillinger #deere #dillinjer #newsies #kinda #and #javid #sorta

[bidisaster-peanut-romano]

so uuuh. some headcanons abt lola because we can never have enough of them

everything she knows about womanhood and love, she learned from her mother.

her father is violent and imposing, very proud and convinced about "being one of the last real men"

her mother often reminds lola of how beautiful she was when she was younger, before he got married and gave birth

(see lola's voiceline "i'm so old, my life is almost over!")

she also learnt from her mother that love means it doesn't matter how bad they treat you, you have to stay

but she also learnt that being in a relationship will always be about a man dictating a woman's life and having all the power over her, which. she didn't like one bit

especially when she reached high school (she wasn't at bullworth in her freshman year) and she saw some of her girl schoolmates

so, since she also knew for sure that men always want one thing from women (do we really need to say what that thing is?), she used the only power she thought women really have to gain control of her surroundings, as long as she is still young and beautiful enough

on one side, she adores the way johnny adores her, puts her on a pedestal, takes care of her in wall they ways she can't of herself

and sometimes it's also cute that he hits and fights any other guy who goes as far as laying his eyes on her one second too long

but she hates how he questions her every move and how he wants to know about all of her friends and about where she is all the time - it feels a bit too close to that power dynamic she was trying to avoid the whole time

but at the same time. they can't leave. she is no quitter and neither is johnny. so she tries to grab his attention and let him see - do you see how easily you could lose me? do you see how much i have the power to drive you crazy if i just want to?

very very unhealthy and purposefully destructive if you ask me. but that's what we do around here innit

in general she doesn't trust men. just- no.

there's only one human being who belongs in the masculine area of the gender spectrum whom she trusts from her heart, him being peanut.

i know i mentioned it before, but the way she genuinely cares about him goes beyond comprehension

she does do a couple tricks on him from time to time; after all, she's still lola lombardi. plus peanut is a disaster in love, so making eyes at him only to pretend not knowing what he's talking about later is still amusing

but she really confides him everything. all of her fears and the moments when the emptiness she feels inside grows deeper, those rare times when she really cries; it's peanut that she calls.

they will meet up in the middle of the night just to run around the city together and ease their minds and just. smile a bit you know

the rumor that lefty spreads about her wanting to join a nunnery after high school. she meant it ironically. she just wanted to say that boys are so fucking annoying and oh god i might as well become a nun. SHE WASN'T SERIOUS. but lefty loooves to spread stupid and/or false rumors for the fun of it so she should've expected it

she only really has a good relationship with lefty, who is too chill to question his morals just chatting with someone, and vance, with whom she has a sort of understanding, compatibility you might say

ricky, hal and above everyone else lucky have a deep distrust towards her that, especially for the latter, turn into a more or less visible hostility

not that she cares really. she'll just mirror their attitude towards her or whatever

although she has a special reciprocal resentment with norton, which often turns into an intellectual fight about media analysis

mostly, it's a "she giggles and bats her eyelashes but she's really a devil in disguise" vs "he acts all tough and strong but he's really just a wimp" kind of dislike

she listens to lana del rey (or she would if the time was right. you get what i mean)

(also. electra heart by marina full album.mp3 playing in the background)

she starts studying ancient greek during her senior year

during the summer break galloway suggested her an edition of euripides' tragedies because he saw her so interested when they studied the iliad

at first she was like "thanks sir but no sir, i can choose my books for myself", but then she did check it out

the pipeline from there to repeating the alphabet every day before going to bed is short

(also she dived deeper into greek tragedy and she fell so deeply for clytemnestra)

she's scarily good at putting her makeup on. and by good i mean drawing her eyeliner while standing in a moving bus

i think it's implied in game (johnny's fighting audio “once i'm finished with you i'm gonna go home to lola”) but i'll say it here anyway: lola basically left her childhood home (not that her parents cared particularly) and lives with johnny

she used to go very much along with zoe

she did think she was a bit exaggerating about social issues and kinda mocked her for it, telling her she was her "queer feminist friend or whatever" (her words) but she did have some good times with her

it was heartbreaking when she left, and especially knowing the reason why; it was exactly the demonstration of what she always believed, that this world is naturally hostile to women and girls and justice is never the one on their side

not interested in motors but she loves the 50s aesthetics and fashion. even before she started wearing leather she used to have one of those swing skirts as school uniform

idolizes marilyn monroe and vivian leigh in particular

#for the record. i love norton and imho he is the most decent human being of the bunch #also as always its more of a collection of thoughts than actual headcanons but i wanted to put these out #i NEED to talk abt her #also as i was writing this it kinda saddened me how most of it revolves around boys n johnny but then i realized. thats kinda the core of h #her innit. like she is deeply built as a character around her girlhood as learning to be attractive to men in an attempt at not sinking in #a patriarchal society. like she is v much built abt the feminine as opposition to masculine isnt she. goddddd i love her so much #bully #bully cce #canis canem edit #cce #bully scholarship edition #bully anniversary edition #greasers #lola lombardi #odyposts

[fencesandfrogs]

woot. therapy session that involved me convincing my therapist i do not need to go to inpatient.

idk if i'm really.

holy shit.

when i stop and break down the past five-ish days, it's been so much.

idk if i really want to put much down. like. i don't think i have a lot to unpack. i cried about my brother a bit. i caught her up. i'm seeing her again on thursday because well uh yeah.

oh huh never hit post on this? whoops

this is hours later btw

uh yeah so yeah it was a rough session.

i talked to my therapist abt what happened last night, and she needed to assess me to make sure i didn't need an inpatient stay. she decided i didn't but it was testy. i'm seeing her again thursday so we'll see what happens.

last night was a really bad night for me. i have some bad bruising from it and i just generally really froze up, and i ended up taking a walk to the field from my Specifically Written Out how to die plan that i don't plan on carrying out but like. is written down.

we didn't really like. do anything?

no, that's not true.

i finally fucking got the words out about some pretty deep trauma. i am no longer allowed to watch parenting videos on the internet, lost that privilege, but i am allowed to watch bob's burgers, as long as i do a resources assessment beforehand.

it was weird.

i said it, i let it run out my mouth and then said i don't want to talk about it yet and kept going.

because it's true i didn't want to talk about it i don't want to talk about it it's embarrassing and uncomfortable and i hate when it gets stuck in my head and i'm not trying to think about it ever i hate thinking about it.

so.

yeah.

but i still have to talk about it eventually, so it feels good to have made that little. step forward step back.

okay. gonna end this because it's long enough and i didn't realize i never posted it. i've had a pretty rough few days and i know everyone is worried about me and i absolutely hate that but idk. i don't lie, so i can't just tell them the things that would make them not lie.

#mine #disorderposting #therapypost #finals week special event

[redgemwink]

my games of the year!!

hey yall!! with the year coming to a close i wanted to list my top 5 favorite games that i played this year!

5. honkai star rail - i was really conflicted abt putting a gacha game on here, especially since i don't even play it much anymore but tbh the belobog arc was just too good not to put it here. maybe the next planet will bring me back in but i didn't really like the luofu at all. but the time i spent on the herta space center and belobog were so enjoyable that i rlly feel like it deserves this spot.

4. octopath traveler 2 - this came out this year?? jfc this has been a long year. but yeah this game is really good!! i would absolutely die for agnea. i feel like in just about every area this game was a huge step up from octopath 1, i found every character really enjoyable and i genuinely cried multiple times during castti's story (malaya.... she loved her) and in general just loved nearly every story, and the endgame and how the characters from each route tied in was so cool. i think there's still some qol needed in certain areas and that's why this is only fourth but overall very good game i recommend. also ochette is super fun to play, love beastmaster classes sm

3. fire emblem engage - sort of the opposite of octopath honestly, the story was pretty awful in this game and the characters were all very one note but the game is just so gorgeous to look at and so so much fun. what can i say, i like fire emblem dfkdfskdkdsf and while the characters and story are completely camp i found it charming in it's simplicity at times, lapis and citrinne especially were really endearing characters to me. this certainly isn't my favorite fe game bc i admittedly prefer story/character heavy ones like 3h but i still found it to be a really enjoyable experience with lots of fun customization! i hope they take a lot of what was in engage and put that into future games bc i rlly need more fe games where everyone has cute casual outfits like that and you can dress everyone up all silly. this game is just pure silly fun.

2. cassette beasts - so this one took me by surprise. this game is an absolute GEM and if you like pokemon at all you seriously owe yourself to play this!! it takes everything i love about pokemon and just brings it to a whole new level. the story, the characters, even the designs for the beasts are all so peak. the way types interact with each other is so fun and something i've never seen before in this genre. this is the type of game i absolutely see myself replaying every year just to try out new beasts and the randomizer mode and stuff!! ALSO THE WAY YOU CAN REMOVE THE MOVES AND PUT THEM ON OTHER BEASTS?? god. this game is everything i WISH pokemon was, and if it were any other year it probably would have been my goty. but..

baldur's gate 3 - yeah. i mean, do i even need to say anything on this one?? a strong demon lady held me in her strong arms and kissed me. we ate spaghetti together. we went to hell and fought demons together. this game is a lesbian love story and i- oh wait i probably shouldn't just talk about karlach for this whole section lol. really though, bg3 is just one of those games that hits different, there is SO much to do in this game and not a single moment of it isn't filled with fun. exploring the world was so fun, whenever i discovered secrets and stuff it felt amazing, there's just such a wonderful feeling of mystery in this world. there's so many ways every interaction can go, the story is amazing, the characters are amazing, the multiplayer is amazing. this whole game just fucks hard, and i think it's not only my game of the year but possibly my game of the decade. i think if this game's mod support gets better then we could be looking at a stardew valley situation where fans keep the game alive FOREVER by adding all sorts of cool stuff over the years. i can't wait to see what gets added as time goes on! anyways back to karlach so yeah i wanna cuddle with her and go on a pizza date and be pinned against the

#goty #not gonna tag each one tbh

[torislander]

rant

the worst part about being emotionally empathetic is that i cannot control it.

every video i watch makes me cry; videos of someone who lost a loved one, videos of animals, videos about someone being murdered, videos of people dancing, videos of people scoring a goal in a game, videos of war, videos of someone singing, videos of someone winning something, videos of people having fun.

it literally doesn't matter, i cry over everything.

i love it when people are really good at the things they love so i always cry over happy videos where someone is just casually doing really well at something that they like.

i also cry when other people cry, whether it's happy or sad or otherwise, if someone else tears up i will too.

i spend half of my time at home crying.

i cry during every movie i watch. i can probably count on one hand how many movies didn't make me cry. i even cry during like crappy low-budget films that absolutely should not make anyone cry.

if i hear someone arguing with someone else and it's very clear that one of them is in the wrong and the other one is just being horrible, i will literally cry out of frustration for that person.

i just get really sad for other people.

i cry the most when i don't have the comprehension of what someone is going through. so sad stuff where someone talks about how their friend died or how their boyfriend was murdered or how their country is at war. i have never experienced death at all, let alone war, therefore i have almost zero comprehension of what that could possibly feel like and then i just sob.

i saw a video earlier today of a girl sharing texts from her little sister who is presumed dead in palestine (the little sister is abt ten) and she was saying goodbye to her older sister because she knew she was going to die, so naturally i cried and cried while reading these texts because no one, let alone a child, should have to be kept awake by the sound of bombs wondering when (not if) one is going to hit her. anyway, i was reading comments and some people were like "this almost made me cry, that's so sad" or "omg i teared up at this, i'm so sorry for your loss", as i was literally on the verge of hyperventilating...

i'm obviously not judging anyone cause not everyone cries over these things and that doesn't mean they don't feel as horrible about it as i do, but i just literally don't know what it's like to not cry over something like that.

i also cry for myself sometimes when i tell a story of something that happened to me.

at work we swap stories all the time and sometimes they're like sadder things that happened to us (we don't trauma dump or anything, no one ever cries when sharing it's just stuff that were maybe not Over but we're more or less past (or it's just easy to talk about))(but sometimes they'll tell me a story of something that happened to them and it'll make me tear up and i have to pretend to go grab something so i can wipe them away loll)

but one time i was telling them this story about the last job i had where i worked last thanksgiving. we had a super long line out the door all day because people were picking up their pre orders and stuff (it was a bbq restaurant and we sold smoked hams on holidays that ppl would pre order). so anyway, so bc all of the orders were already in the system their order slips wouldn't print out when i check them in. i had to manually go in and re print it so it would send it to the kitchen so they would know what order to grab. some orders would take longer than others if they ordered to pick it up warm and got a lot of stuff, so it wasn't unusual for someone to sit there for twenty minutes (tops) while they waited.

this one lady came in and i forgot to fucking send her order slip to the kitchen. after abt 20 minutes i notice her sitting there staring at me and she looks pissed but a lot of people who came in that day got pissed when they had to wait 20 min because people are stupid. anyway so i kinda just ignored it bc i figured it'd be out in a minute and also i was super busy. another 20 min go by and i look up and she's sitting there and i was like "oh shit. i fucked up." meanwhile this lady is just sitting there scowling at me ten feet away. (now mind you, she did not at any point come up to me and question me or go up to any of my coworkers to question it, she chose to just sit there all pissed off for 40 min) so i kinda waved her over and i was like "have you still not gotten your order" which obvs she didn't so i was like "omg im so so so sorry, this is all my fault, i did this, i feel so bad, i am going to go tell them to drop everything and make yours real quick" which is exactly what i did, i went and begged the kitchen to drop their orders and make hers (knowing that they'd be pissed w me and they were but i didn't care) and her order was out in like three minutes. i offered her cake i offered her a drink and i continually apologized profusely to this woman bc i felt horrible about it. i felt so horrible abt it that i started to cry. in her face. i had to go into the kitchen to the back for like a quick sec to wipe away my tears and pull myself together.

but yeah, it was my fault and even though this woman didn't use her words and ask me abt her order for forty minutes which obvs was weird i still felt horrible and cried bc i was mad at myself For Her.

anyway, my whole point is that i was telling my current coworkers this like two months ago AS A FUNNY STORY AND I STARTED CRYING WHEN I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE PART WHERE I APOLOGIZED TO HER LIKE WTF IS WRONG W ME ITS A FUNNY STORY AND IT DOESNT EVEN MAKE ME SAD I WAS JUST SO FRUSTRATED WITH MYSELF BC SHE WAS FRUSTRATED WITH ME THAT IT STILL MAKES ME CRY.

i dont know what i'm talking about anymore so i'll shut up but i'm just saying i cry too much.

[pegging-slenderman]

This is my first time writing for rdr2 and also my first time using this format so please don't judge

javier x a heavily pregnant reader im talking like extremely hormonal in a fuck load of pain just waiting to relise this crotch demon (set in shady belle) tw: spoilers about character deaths minor angst and details abt child birth

To say the least he would be really concerned for your and the baby's health

Would probably be asking some of the women around camp (like Abigail a miss Grimshaw) if it's normal for you to be pregnant for this long and still not give birth

They reassure him its ok and just tell him the best thing he can do is try and find some remedies that can induce labor

he rides out immediately to get said remedies because 1 he can't stand to see you in pain and 2 he can't wait any longer to meet his baby

Anytime he leaves camp he makes sure to give you and your belly a bunch of hugs and kisses beforehand

He hates going far from camp scared of missing his child's birth

When you guys had moved into the new camp duch gave you guys your own bedroom not wanting you to sleep on the ground

At night when you two are laying in bed he will wrap his arms around you feeling up your baby bumb

When the O'Driscolls raided the camp he pulled you into cover immediately making sure you were safe praying to whatever God out there that you didn't get hit by any bullets

Luckily Charles was taking cover behind a wagon right next to yall and helped him get you inside as fast as possible

Javier normally doesn't cry in front of people but his eyes were filled with tears once he held you his arms asking you " mi amor are you alright?! You didn't get hit did you? Please tell me our baby's okay!" Whilst holding his hands on your tummy

After you reassure him that you and the baby are okay he kisses your head and tells you to stay in cover while he gose helps the others

After the ramianing O'Driscolls run off and everyone Is going back outside looking at keirens dead body javier encourages you to stay inside

Mainly cause he's scared of anything else hurting you

He's pretty tense the next few days not wanting to be more then a foot away from you in fear for your life

Ofc the day he finally decides you can be out his sight safely is when you finally go into labor

As he's sitting by the edge of the alligator infested water all he hears is you scream In pain and he's jumping up running as fast as can towards you

Once he finds you your already being helped by miss Grimshaw into the tent she had set up specifically for when you gave birth

He followed in asking all sorts of questions until he was silenced by your yells of pain that's when just shut up and held your hand letting Ms Grimshaw take over striping you of your skirt and undergarments and placing a blanket over you

He felt stressed watching you in so much pain as birth was not exactly a fast 123 done type thing

You were in labor for 30 painful hours

You would squeeze his hand so hard his knuckles turn white

He would be trying his best to comfort in his native language you buy given your in labor trying to translate what's he saying is not top of your to do list "mi amor lo estas haciendo tan bien"(translation: my love you are doing so well) you just glare at him "either speak English or shut the hell up"

Once you finally give birth to a healthy baby girl javier Is crying tears of joy while holding his little angel in his arms smiling seeing you finally getting some peaceful rest

Oh any you know he is extremely protective of both you and the baby girl you decided to name Veronica after his late mother

The two of you have him wrapped around your fingers

When he was leaving to go rob the Saint Denise Bank he gave you a loving kiss and huge you and Veronica tightly "Los amo a los dos más que a nada en este mundo"(translation: I love you both more than anything in this world)

Ofc when he didn't return it worried you

You feared having to raise this baby on your own whilst mourning your husband

As Charles returned he informed everyone about hosea and Lenny's death and that everyone else escaped on a boat

All you could think about was javier

And all he could think of was you and Veronica pleading whilst being dragged by a donkey "¡por favor! Tengo esposa e hija"(translation: please! I have a wife and daughter)

When he had returned first thing you did when you saw him was jump into his arms crying "I thought you died!" He would hold you close "mi amor I would never leave you and Veronica "

He cried first time he held Veronica again much like he did when she was born

As yall moved camp to beaver hallow you two would have some arguments "you keep doing these goddamn suicide missions your going to leave our baby fatherless!!" He groaned "amor I don't have a choice I just want a better life for us!" You shook your head "yes because being a widowed mother is a better life!!"

One night he was holding Veronica rocking her to sleep and arthur walked up to him looking more sickly then ever

"Your a great father Javier "

"I know "he didn't even look at arther just his baby girl

"Look I get your loyal to duch but something bad is about to happen and I want you and your family safe when that goes down"

"What do you want me to do?! Go up and run with my wife and kid?! I have no money im wanted almost everywhere I go and I haven't know a life where I wasn't on the run since I was a teenager!"

Arthur reached in his coat and pulled out a stack of money placing it on the table in front of javier "just think about your family first "and walked away

The next night you and javier were packing up a wagon just a few more things then you two would get out of there

Arthur came over watching you two pack "I see you listened to my advice javier "

"I had to I can't keep my family at risk like this it's not how I want my daughter raised "javi said as he packed the last bag "thank you Arthur "

"Don't thank me" Arthur shook his head

You walked over and gave him a big hug "im gonna miss you the most. I'll make sure Veronica remembers her uncle Arthur "you smiled

Arthur just smiled and looked at Veronica "that girls gonna go far in life".he then looked at javier again "what are you waiting for get out of here before someone notices!"

Javier helped you get on the wagon then handed you Veronica before getting on himself taking the reines you waved at Arthur as you rode off

#javier escuella #javier escuella x reader #red dead redemption two #rdr2 spoilers #arthur morgan #angst #i love javier #Javier

[yourmidnightlover]

rock

Summary - spencer wants to figure out what's wrong with you, only to be reminded what day it is and he remembers why you've been so distant.

TW: talk abt: rape, recovery, therapy, case stuff; mention of: drug addiction, rape, miscarriage, being shot, death lol

WC - 4,283

!DISCLAIMER! - i am in no way trying to romanticize recovery from a traumatic event or being upset/depressed/anxious. this is kinda my way of getting through my own issues, so please don't think that's what i'm trying to do in any way. i also don’t know how i feel abt this ending since i wrote it so long ago but oh well!

i just realized there are a few spoilers so i'll put *asterisks* around them. those parts are just explaining how the reader's always there for the team.

----------------------------------

you had always been the rock in spencer's life.

mentally, at least.

when he had nobody there for him when he was going through his addiction with dilaudid, there you were. you helped him through it when everybody else on the team acted as if they never noticed.

you were the one that encouraged him to get help, and pushed him to follow through. you made sure he ate and talked to someone when he had his urges again, even if it wasn't you.

you let him come over and cry about what had happened, and how unfair his life was. you consoled him and would tell him how nothing was his fault. how he didn't deserve anything bad in his life.

*and when emily 'died', he went to your house every day. you held him as he felt himself falling apart from losing her. you didn't even worry about yourself needing to be consoled, because spencer needed you to be there for him.

*when she came back you were the one to convince him to forgive her. you talked sense into him. you reminded him how much he pleaded to have her back, and then he did. so he managed to forgive her... because of you and your logic.

*and you weren't just there for spencer. while, yes, you made a special effort to be there for him, you were there for everyone on the team.

*when derek was arrested back in chicago and the team found out about his past, you were the one he leaned on for comfort. you and penelope. you let him cry on your shoulder and yell at you about how twisted a man would have to be to do something so cruel to a child.

*when jj was kidnapped and beaten to a miscarriage, you were the first she told. you didn't say anything. you knew there was nothing you could say that would relinquish the pain of losing a child. so you let her cry. you let her hug you for what felt like hours. you let her grief her unborn baby for as long as she needed.

*when penelope was shot, nobody cared to check up on her after the fact except you. you went to her apartment for weeks just to make sure she was okay. eventually, she was able to let loose all of her frustrations on you, and you took it like a champ. she ranted about how she just wanted to be loved by someone attractive and how unfair and cruel the world is, in spite of how much good she tries to bring into it.

*when hotch lost hailey, you took care of his files. you offered to watch henry and let hotch cry to you about losing her a few times once you broke past his tough exterior. you even cried with him and jack. you made them dinner whenever you could, and helped him look for good nannies to help care for jack.

*when rossi lost carolyn, you went to her grave with him on many occasions. you brought him his favorite scotch, which was very pricey, and his favorite cigars, also very pricey, and tried your best to recreate 'the rossi special' upon his directions. it helped him feel in control of something when he needed it.

*and when emily came back from the dead, you helped walk her through her own grief. she lost herself, and buried her emotions. you helped her dig up her old self, and grow into an even better woman. you even took care of her cat when penelope couldn't manage. you helped emily grieve her own death when she wanted to deny it ever happened, and she was forever grateful for you.*

you had become like the team's built-in therapist when something bad happened, and you loved it that way. you loved being the one the team went to when they needed it. it made you feel as though you had a purpose, which was something you desperately needed.

but when you went through your own trauma almost a year ago, you refused help from anyone. you knew you should've asked someone for help, or at least someone to cry or talk to when you needed to.

the team had been working on a case for longer than expected, 8 days now, and everyone was really frustrated. you had released the profile 7 days ago, and there was still no new information. it was as if the unsub had gone dormant, and you all couldn't bear that thought.

when the team released earlier than normal from the precinct and you all went to the hotel you had been staying at, you decided to get a drink from the bar quickly. you went alone, wanting to review a few of the case files during the process and not needing a distraction.

you ordered a jack and coke, and opened the case files to begin rereading them, seeing if you had missed anything.

victims were kept for 24 hours, filmed, raped, restrained, cut in pieces, and thrown in the trash like garbage. it was absolutely disgusting, and the worst you had seen in a while. the victims were low-risk and most of them had a place of authority.

the unsub had been profiled to be someone who was bossed around by a woman, narcissistic and egotistical, wanted to feel more power and authority.

the problem is, that profile was most people living in the area. even penelope couldn't dwindle down the suspects.

and alas, you had missed nothing. nothing new appeared or caught your eye. you gulped down the rest of your drink and paid for it before packing up your things to head upstairs. you tossed the file back into your bag and began the trek to the elevator.

you were interrupted by something hitting the top of your head, rendering you unconscious.

the team had woken up, and after waiting around for half an hour, spencer realized something was wrong. he had morgan bust into your room, only to find the bed unslept in. you were missing. and the worst part... you fit the unsubs type.

spencer felt his heart drop at the realization he had taken you. and it seemed as though there was no trail as to where you had gone. penelope checked the cameras, only to find that they were hacked right after you left the bar, and then they resumed after you were taken.

at least they had a time frame.

later that day, after everyone hasting to figure something, anything out, spencer had gotten an email. he opened it and expected it to be relentless spam, only to realize it was a live feed video. a video of you. he instantly called penelope in hopes that she could trace it.

she said she could, but it would take some time because the amount of routers it had been going through.

while they were waiting, you noticed you were alone. you knew who the unsub was too, thanks to his baffling stupidity and narcissism that lead him to believe he wouldn't get caught.

"officer johnson! it's officer johnson!" you looked around the camera for a second, noticing something moving. "he-he here," you cried out. "i love you," you said to the camera to nobody in particular, but someone in mind.

you were terrified. spencer could see it in your eyes. he could see the tears you tried not to shed. you didn't want to please him, but you couldn't help but feel the absolute horror and fear coursing through your body at a relentless pace.

"hi there, missus fbi," he teased, finally walking into the frame with a ski mask over his face, clearly not aware that we knew his identity.

spencer told garcia who he was, and she began her digging. officer johnson's great grandparents had owned a farm that was since then refurbished. it was an hour away.

officer johnson had known that you two had chemistry. that's why he sent the email to spencer. he saw the longing glares, the 'innocent' touches, the smiles you would give each other, the longing looks you shared. he wanted to torment him.

so when he began undressing you and you turned your face away from the camera in hopes of sparing some of your own dignity, spencer felt his heart breaking for you. it broke even more when he heard the yelps, and screams, and please, and "no!'s" you elicited during the act.

they caught him before he cut you, but not before he finished the first part of his plan. your skirt was ripped, and your shirt was practically in two pieces. spencer had given you his jacket to cover yourself as much as you could.

you stayed silent the ride back. you didn't even let spencer hold you like you normally would after a tough case. you were ashamed. embarrassed. you felt worthless. you felt pathetic. you felt stupid. you felt helpless. you felt like you were drowning. you felt like you were without a life raft.

you knew you could talk to the team about it, but you felt so disgusted by the thought of what happened to you that you only talked about it in your therapy sessions.

hotch had given you two months off. he wanted you to grieve, and go to therapy, and try to cope with everything that had happened.

and you did try to do that. you tried your hardest to get over it and move past it, but nothing helped. not the journaling. not the talking. not the crying. nothing was working.

spencer gave you a little space at first, but he then decided to try to help you as you had helped him. he went over to your house almost every day, and sat outside your door after you wouldn't let him in.

you knew he was there... you sat on the other side.

"i-i know that you probably don't want to see anyone right now. and i'm uh, i'm sure you feel alone right now, or like you can't talk to anyone," spencer sniffled. "but pl-please just uhm, just know that i'm here when you want to talk about it. i'm here to listen to you when you need me to. i-i don't want you to be alone during this time, y/n. please, just let me in," he begged.

that was normally what he would say almost every night he went to your house. he would sit outside for hours after he would ask you to let him in without fail. until one day you let him in.

spencer felt so much relief when you opened the door, only for it to be smashed when he noticed your eyes looked red and puffy, your cheeks were stained with the tears you had been crying for so long. your cheeks were sunken in, and there were dark circles underneath your eyes that were once full of life and happiness. your eyes no longer had that gorgeous sparkle in them.

spencer vowed he would get them back.

as much as spencer wanted to wrap his arms around you in that moment, to comfort you and tell you that he was there, he wanted you to make the first move. he wanted to tell you how strong you were and how proud of you he was for getting through that. he wanted to tell you how much he loved you.

he wanted you to make the first touch, because he didn't want to further upset you. he didn't want to trigger a repressed memory, or bring back the feelings of what had happened.

but spencer's touch was nothing like the officer's. spencer's touch was soft and gentle. spencer's touch was feather-light and endearing. spencer's touch was love and home. the officer's was brittle, and rough, and repulsive.

"hug me?" you sniffled as your eyes welled with tears again as they had been for the past three weeks.

"of course," spencer slowly wrapped his arms around your shoulders as yours found his torso.

he walked inside with you still in his arms and slowly shut the door. without breaking from the hug, you both walked to the couch and sat down.

you didn't say anything. you just needed spencer to keep hugging you, so he did. he did whatever you wanted, needed, from him. eventually, you fell asleep in his embrace on the couch.

when spencer looked down at you, now sleeping against his chest, he couldn't bring his heart to remove himself from you. so like any whipped man would do, he carefully picked you up bridal styled and carried you to your room. he took his shoes off as well as his sweater vest before cuddling back up next to you.

as if it was a reflex, you cuddled up into his chest when he neared you again and got underneath the covers. spencer slept the best he did in months with you. and you slept without officer johnson in your dreams for the first time since that day.

ever since then, spencer had been making sure you were eating and drinking. he took you to your therapy sessions and stayed over most nights you had asked and he was able to.

they had a few cases during the two months, so every moment he could, spencer was with you. he coaxed you back to your normal-ish self. he watched as that glimmer in your eye began to slowly grow brighter everyday. he watched as your smile came back, and your tears didn't come so frequently.

the first time he had heard you laugh again, spencer had thought he was dreaming. he wished he had recorded that moment. he was more grateful than he's ever been in his life that he had an eidetic memory, because that sound would forever be engraved in his brain.

when you returned to work, you clung to spencer. he had become your tether to reality, and hope. he had become your rock during the recovery.

over the months, everyone slowly began to forget what had even happened. things went on as usual, and the team forgot the traumatic experience you had gone through. even spencer might've let the experience get lost in his brain.

so when it became 11 months and 3 weeks since the abduction, you began to distance yourself once again.

you politely declined going out with the team a couple days before the anniversary, something you never did. you insisted that you were just especially worn out from the case you had just been on.

spencer had to finish files given to him by derek anyway, so he didn't get to witness the encounter.

once the day of the anniversary came upon you, you found yourself feeling sick to your stomach. you couldn't help the tears that would fall from your face every so often. you knew why you felt this way, but you wanted to push past it.

you had gone into the office wearing a pantsuit and blazer, wanting to avoid the normal office skirt you happened to be wearing the day it happened. you stayed at your desk and quietly did your case files. you didn't even greet spencer as you would every day. you gave him a kind smile, but you would normally give him a hug, or at the very least an eager wave upon his arrival.

spencer just assumed it was one of those days where you just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. it wasn't spencer's fault he thought this. he didn't even look at his calendar to check what day it was. he just knew they had paperwork.

but he did have this day marked in his calendar. he had it marked so he would remember to be extra kind to you, and do your files for you, and come to your place with your favorite wine and takeout. he wanted to help you through the one year anniversary, but he forgot to check his stupid calendar.

you thought he didn't care. you thought the man who you loved, and the man who helped you through everything that had happened had had enough of your complaining and grievances. so, you didn't tell him about it. you didn't bother him with the terrible thoughts clouding your mind because you thought it'd burden him.

so when you finished all of your case files early, you asked hotch if you could leave early, at 2:00, because you had things to tend to. he allowed you to do so, but this rose a flag for spencer.

he saw you exit without saying goodbye to him, something you hadn't done the entirety of knowing him. you had always told everyone to have a nice night and to be safe before leaving, but not today.

finally, he looked at his phone for the first time all day, only to feel like the worst person in the world to realize what day it was. spencer felt absolutely horrible at this revelation and ran into hotch's office as quick as he could after packing his things.

"hotch!" he exclaimed upon opening his office door.

"go. she was practically in tears," hotch informed him. "and reid," spencer stopped in his tracks to turn and look at the stern man, "please make sure she's okay." spencer gave him a soft grin and a nod before turning around and bolting out of the office.

you had gotten home and immediately burst into tears. you shut the door with your back, and slid down it. you had never understood why people had done that in movies until now. you just couldn't wait to break any longer, so you settled for your front door.

you held back no wail, or scream as you cried in front of your door, your knees pulled up to your chest as you held them tightly.

you wondered why you had to go through that. you wanted to know what kind of karma there was for someone who had always tried to do the right thing to be hurt... and for nobody to even care. nobody wanted to console you, or to make sure you were alright.

you had checked up on everyone on every anniversary of their struggles. whether it be a death, abduction, anything, you had been there for every single anniversary or reminder. and nobody was there for you.

nobody was there for you to hug, or to lean on, or to cry to, or to scream at, or to rant to. nobody was there. nobody loved you enough to care about that.

but then you had to remind yourself that they all had lives.

but the person who is your life didn't even care.

spencer didn't care.

and that's why you truly lost it.

he acted like it was just another day. he acted like it wasn't the anniversary of the day you thought you were going to die. the day you wanted to die. the day you felt your most low, and humiliated. the day you lost all hope. and he didn't remember.

if the man with an eidetic memory didn't remember, it must be extremely insignificant. so therefore, you must be extremely insignificant.

spencer raced to your house. he wanted to be there for you today, and he failed. he felt like a failure as a friend. he hated himself for not being there for you when he knew you would need him. he knew how you clung to him in your time of need. you thought he was worthy enough to hold onto when you needed someone, and spencer felt elated at that.

but now he wasn't there for you. and you needed him.

he had quickly stopped by the store and your favorite takeout place to get the things you'd want. he got your wine, chocolate, food, flowers, and a teddy bear that had a sweater vest on him - you've always loved his sweater vests.

when he got to the steps of your house, he felt his heart drop. as he walked closer he heard the wails of your crying right by the door. he could sense the heartache from the edge of your porch, and felt himself feel even worse, which he didn't think was possible.

he instantly ran to the door and knocked profusely. you sniffled one last time, feeling embarrassed that someone had heard you crying your heart out. you had figured one of your neighbors heard you and wanted to tell you to keep it down, so you wiped your tears and the stray mascara from underneath your eyes and opened the door, keeping your eyes lowered in embarrassment.

"y/n," spencer announced sadly, a tear falling down his face. you looked up in confusion from hearing his voice. you noticed his tear and reached up to wipe it away on instinct.

"why're you crying? are you okay?" you asked, forgetting all of your own problems at the sight of spencer crying. spencer let out a small chuckle at your concern.

"i'm alright, aside from the fact that i'm a terrible friend," he admitted as his smile quickly faded upon seeing your stained cheeks. "i brought your favorites," he offered, holding the bag of goodies in one hand and the takeout in another.

"y-you... why?" you asked, wanting to make sure you weren't misreading the situation for him trying to comfort you.

"why?" he asked in disbelief. "because it's the anniversary. i can't tell you how sorry i am, y/n. i swear i marked it on my calendar and planned for us to take off so i could take care of you. i-i just woke up late and never bothered to even check my phone. i kn-know it's no excuse... but i am so, so, so sorry," he rambled out, already tearing up.

you grabbed his arm gently and pulled him inside before you started crying in front of your neighbors. you took the bags from his hands and placed them on your coffee table.

"i thought you just didn't care," you shrugged as you took a seat on the couch, prompting him to sit beside you.

"y/n..." he sighed as he realized how terrible he screwed up. "i will always care about this. i will always care about you. don't ever think differently. i'm just incredibly... dumb sometimes. i can't believe i made you think that," he trailed on. "i will never not care about you, y/n. i swear it. i will always, always care about you. i will always love you," he froze as he realized what he just revealed. your eyes widened, and squinted, and roamed his face, trying to figure out if he meant the words he had just sped out. "i truly do, y/n. i i’m in love with you and i'm so sorry i made it seem otherwise."

it took you a second to absorb everything that he had said.

"you too," you solemnly admitted. "i’m in love with you too. and i could forgive you... for almost forgetting," you gave him a small smile.

"i'm glad you could forgive me. i don't know what i'd do if you didn't," he relished. "you actually love me?" you nodded with a small smile.

"i have for a while," you turned your head to the bags on the table.

"oh! right!" he said, reaching for the gifts. "i got your favorite takeout, your favorite wine, your favorite chocolates, flowers, and..." he trailed on as he revealed each item. "i saw this teddy, and i couldn't resist," he smiled.

you took the bear, taking in its appearance. it had a light blue, navy, and white diamond pattern sweater vest and brown shoes on. it looked like spencer, just teddy bear form. you smiled widely at the sentiment.

"it's you," you grinned as you took it in your arms, hugging it tightly as you saw spencer nodded with a smile mirroring that of your own. "i love it," you chuckled.

"i would understand, the fur is really soft," he relished in the thought.

"i don't think he'd be as good of a cuddler as the real thing, though," you grimaced. "but he'll do for when i don't have you here i guess," you shrugged with a smile.

"i plan on being here as long as you'll let me," he said softly.

"always," you grinned, setting down the teddy bear and trading him for the real spencer reid.

"always," he repeated, taking you in his arms and squeezing you tightly as if you'd float away at any moment. "now let's dig into this food while you talk about your feelings, if you want that is," he said after releasing you from the hug.

"i think i want to," you nodded. "and spence?" he turned from getting the food out of the bag to look at you for a second. "thank you for being my rock through all of this."

"i'll always be your rock, y/n."

@averyhotchner  @greenprisca  @muffin-cup

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #spencer #spencer x y/n #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid angst

[selfcareparker]

(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)

LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD

i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol

i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee

i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')

i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol

also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?

now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')

yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌

yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo

speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉

uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?

also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?

HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭

and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.

(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭

SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY

i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)

LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)

LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .

my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL

one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.

superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)

lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good

own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly

rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this

shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire

before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰

(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)

VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)

(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)

now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing

you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)

HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing

once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .

mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔

summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so

IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly

when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌

okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO

but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘

& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')

also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗

READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah

#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily

hiiiiiiiiiii <3333

Dear catherine, 😌

(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰

Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol

Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually

okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?

also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.

There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly

Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good

(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)

I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj

n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)

Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao

Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn

Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.

Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool

Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao

Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???

I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria

(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)

I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭😭😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧

Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!

Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌

how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰

i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs

AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲

Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3

.

It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol

oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭

it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)

THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧

I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼

Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now

I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)

Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭

Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌

also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌

I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)

Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭

So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool

Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)

#lovely anon #<3333333333333 #‚‘it‘s literally longer than your german compound words‘ LMAODKDMSLDKSLKS #ignore the comma at the beginning of the last tag???? #aww wait i just read what you said at the end of your tags🥺🥺💘💘💘 #love youuuu #ooooof i‘m reading my response and do i not know what a period is? like period as in. full stop. #my sentences are literally paragraphs and i use keyboard smashes to separate sentences from each other like what‘s wrong with me??? #or ‚lol‘ snd ‚lmao‘ #imma need me to do better (did you listen to heavy is the head as a whole? like the whole album? the song do better is stuck in my head toda #today so) #i‘ll try to write normal length sentenced in the future💀 #sentencessss*

[indigopurple]

Basically a review of OP episode 503 ig

Currently rewatching post-war arc (in the dub so I don't have any screenshots for u guys sry) and theres a few things id like to point out.

During a conversation Dadan once had with Garp, they were talking about Roger. Garp said that even if they were facing powerful enemies, he would never run away because he wouldnt dare leaving his comrads behind; it wasnt an option for him. Obviously we see this in Ace. But ALSO, isnt this what he did with Katakuri? It was a little different cuz of the setting mostly, but he separated himself from his crew to fight off katakuri, and lied to them about being okay so they didn't worry (he was already getting his ass kicked by then, so he just made that stupid smile and told them not to worry (or smth like that, I can remember the exact line) (that smile was so gross and fake cuz he fucking sucks at lying). Also he said roger destroyed a buncha soldiers cuz they mouthed off his men. That's what Ace tried to do but instead he died. :(

"The pain he went through just made him hold on tighter to the ones he loved" -Garp, about Roger. "Despite his flaws and his bad reputation, his crew still trusted him completely." -also Garp, about Roger. These both sound a lot like Luffy AND Ace.

When Dogra got home and told everyone about Sabo's ship being shit down and him dying (which we all know didnt happen, thank fuck), (by the way the absolutely lost looks on Ace's and Luffy's faces with the sudden silence hurt like a bitch), Luffy started crying and said "WE SHOULDNT'A LET HIM GO, IT'S ALL OUR FAULT". Which fucking says something about him (thinking of episodes 913-915 when he goes fucking berserk, but before that he learns that Kaido probably killed Tama and he says "I should've escorted them..!" (*ugly cries*)). Ace also reacted pretty similarly-- "Sabo...why didn't we go back into town and bring him back here?! We're so stupid!" And he gets mad and asks where he could find the bastard that killed him (obviously not getting a good answer since it was a fucking celestial dragon ugh). That is what Luffy does, in present time. He results to anger first, not sadness. Not sure when he learned to do that but I'm 99 percent sure it was from Ace. Also the blaming himself thing? High chance thats ALSO from Ace. Who else would teach him that self hating behaviour?!

Dadan pins Ace down to stop him from going after the Celestial Dragon to calm him down, telling him he cant do anything, he's not big or strong enough to do anything and he'll be killed as soon as he tries anything, especially since it was the whole country -the whole WORLD- that killed Sabo. He can't do anything. And then they tied him to a tree outside to let him cool off. Oh yeah then he also told luffy to stop crying like a little girl or else he'll- (and he didn't finish the sentence). ...Ok maybe thats why luffy started being more angry than sad.

This is where things get a little more :( . Ace reads the letter Sabo sent them before he died. As he reads, he walks to the end of the forest, to a cliff overlooking the ocean. And starts fucking bawling (btw the voice actor who had Ace's childhood part did not do a very good job, no where near as in character and real as Coleen Clickenberg did with all of Luffy's crying scenes. She was spot on.) ...do you see where im going with that? He isolated himself before letting himself feel sad. It was all rage and then calm beforehand. Y-you see where im going with that. Dont make me say it.

"How's Luffy doing, is he any better?" "Well...he hasnt been eating much, but he still eats twice as much as we do". Oh look, That's what happened after Ace died too. There's a behavioral pattern that hasnt gone away. Not sure why it wouldve tho.

Luffy is mopeing, lying on the ground in a similar setting ace was at when he cried. Hes thinking about some of the things Sabo said, like how theyre gonna sail the seas together, and he clenches his hands into tight, shaking fists. After Ace shows up and hits him, and talking abt some other stuff I don't feel like relaying, Luffy tightens his grip on the straw hat and tells ace, whimpering, he wants to get stronger (and stronger, and stronger, and stronger and stronger and....) And he wants to be the strongest in the world. "And then, I'll protect everyone. I won't lose anyone I care about". He gets stronger mainly to protect the people he loves. And then he asks ace to promise he won't die. To which he hits Luffy again and tells him he should be more worried about himself dying first. And then the famous line that hurts like a bitch- "I'm NEVER going to DIE!" And then this hopeful music comes on (fucking damnit funimation, u gotta do this? Really??) Also he says he wont die as long as he has a wussy little brother to protect. ...FUCK. Ok, the fist clenching is a thing he does all the fucking time, usually when he gets mad. This was different because he wasnt mad, he was sad. He clenched his fist because thinking about it hurt. Which, huh, sounds a lot like his whole episode after waking up from his 2 week coma on the polar tang. To try and stop the mental pain of those horrendous memories, he resulted to physically pain. He hurt himself. So, He clenches his fists in times like these to fight off the mental pain and the urge to cause himself physical pain. Guys, our boy is bad at emotions, help him. ....ok this paragraph is longer than I anticipated so ill dumb down the rest of it ig. Next part, him asking ace to promise he wont die. The music, the body language, the over change in mood- this comforts him. He stopped hiding his face and silently sobbing after ace said this. OH YEAH! didn't he tell jinbe not to die when they parted ways in Totto Land? And then, hes missing still in Wano and we see Luffy is worried....but convinced Jinbe will show up. Again, this comforts him. Hes nervous cuz someone KOFF KOFF ACE broke that promise once. But jinbe is his crew mate so he trusts him, thank god.

"-But whoever did it, they must be opposed to freedom." The whole freedom thing? That runs through Luffy's blood and spirit.His brothers fought for it, his dad is the man who strives to give everyone freedom basically, and Luffy himself has seen enough of the OPPOSITE of freedom to be so, so much more than just against it. Hence why he of course was so eager to free the slaves in Sabaody, the kids in punk hazard, the toys in dressrosa, the country of Wano from Kaido's tyrany. The apple doesnt fall far from the tree huh.

I dont think Luffy would remember his promise with Shanks if it werent for his brothers putting feul to his dream. It was a stupid bet at first; he just wanted to beat Shanks, right then. But after meeting Sabo and Ace, he found the opposite of freedom and human rights. And then he wanted, REALLY wanted, to become the free-est man in the world; the pirate king.

Last one i promise ok? This one is less connected to whats going on in the episode at this point, but something I noticed (its so obvious everyone has seen this ok) was when luffy cries, his posture is always open. He doesn't curl in on himself like many people would do (I know I would, lol). He doesnt hug himself, protect himself. He's just, opened up to whoever is watching, literally. This has a little more to do with something I haven't talked about much in this post yet; his self-destruction issues. I said he tried to hurt himself when he felt mental pain, which is definitely similar. But he cries and doesnt try to protect or comfort himself, like he doesn't have that programmed into his mind. Reminder that he only wants to live because of his dream, and if he doesnt have his dream, he wants to die. (Whoa.). Ok, so no self preservation mechanism at all rlly. Hes basically ride or die. So, when things hurt so much that he cries, he has no hope left. He just kinda...dies inside. So this was mildly different after sabo died. Yes we saw him just standing there, sobbing. But the next day he's still crying, and instead he's laying on the ground. I saw that and the voice in the back of my head told me he wanted to be a part of that lifeless dirt beneath him. Then, Ace walked over. And his words made him feel the hope that I told you about earlier, and he sat up into a sitting position. And HUGGED HIS LEGS TO HIS CHEST. There's some self preservation! Some hope! Some will to exist, to live! Something we saw none of as he sat in front of his brothers corpse, shutting down. He sat there, open to his enemies, incapable of protecting himself. Practically anyone couldve killed him right then and there. I think he mightve liked that, at that moment. Like thank god he has that stupidly good luck cuz if he didn't I swear someone couldve thrown and axe or FUCKING ANYTHING AT THAT MOMENT and hed be dead becuase he never physically or mentally prepared himself. On purpose.

Our poor boy needs some fucking attention and therapists. (Insert my rant post about how jinbe is on the crew primarily for anger management and therapy, not just being a helmsman.) Ugh, smh ugly cries

Aaaaand thats about the end of the episode. Theres so many little tics and peesonality traits that you notive thru this episode, and I only noticed them cuz im rewatching this part of the show for like the third time. I don't react as much as the first time of course but some things are definitely sadder after knowing what's going on and what will happen later on.

Moral of the story (post)? I think luffy is almost equally as alike -if not, more similar to roger as ace is. Also, high key genuinely think Luffy met like NO ONE but Garp before he met Shanks and his crew. What the fuck was his first like 5 years of being alive like? (He wantd to be a pirate cuz Garp didnt want that. Rebellious baby asshole. And then shanks made things worse, in a good way for luffy. And then ace and sabo made that worse thing worse for a good reason. Luffy lives...for those influences. And that is fucking it. Why.

Oh thanks tumblr for moving my picture to the bottom of the post u fucking idiot

#ugly cries #ugh #i need to stop #i need to stop talking #pls #just read my rants ok #i guess #MY BACK HHHUUUUURRRRTTSSSSSS #UUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHH #SOBS #straggler.txt #headcanon #hc #one piece #one piece ace #one piece spoilers #monkey d. luffy #luffy one piece #im garbage #hha h a #review #episode review #episode 503 #ackackack #i need to pee #i need to stop torturing luffy with my crazy ideas #hhhhhh #love u guys #bye ig

[kaptain-k-pop]

[?] Days of K-ristmas: Day 6*

aka

The K-List: #15

*(if you have no idea what I'm talking abt with this "[?] Days of K-ristmas" thing the very longwinded explanation is here lmao)

She's In The Rain

The Rose

Okay okay, I know this is another title track, probably one of their most famous so everyone who knows about The Rose knows about this song already

But I wanna talk about it anyway bc this is my blog and I can do what I want it's a really important song for me that stuck with me from the first time I heard it and I just wanna gush about it and talk about that

So some of my moots who have followed me since before last April may know this story already because I mentioned it in a post at the time, but last spring I was in a really bad place. I was having a really stressful semester and going through a lot of inner conflict about my future. My roommate had moved out (not because of any conflict! She just wanted to live somewhere cheaper, which is valid!) meaning I was living alone in a two person dorm, which was actually really bad for my health because without anyone else around I wasn't taking good care of myself or my environment. My sleep '''''schedule''''' was non-existent and there were many times when I was pulling all nighters or skipping meals to work on things. My group of college friends had all moved off campus, so even when I did remember/make time to go eat in the student center I ate alone. The fact that I was so worried about school meant I never really made plans with those friends either because I was always beating myself up for not focusing enough on my coursework. I was pretty much completely isolating myself and I spent most of my time alone in my dorm -- which you may recall, I wasn't taking good care of -- and being in that environment only made me feel worse about myself. I felt so depressed and unproductive in such a messy place, but I couldn't make time to get my environment in order because I had coursework I needed to do... but I couldn't efficiently work on my coursework because I felt so depressed and unproductive in the environment I created and around and around (it's also really difficult for me to focus in public places/around other people because I get easily distracted, so I didn't really have a good place to work other than my dorm). My irl best friend (aka my main source of support and physical affection) and my family were 2 hours away and I was completely touch starved. And I rarely went home on the weekend or left my dorm at all because I felt like every moment I wasn't trying to be productive I was being lazy. Both my mental and physical health were absolute trash. And I knew I was in a bad place but I had no idea how to get myself out. I felt like I had no time or energy to take any major steps to improve my situation.

I went home for Easter break. Three days of focusing on family instead of school and acting like I wasn't spending the whole time worrying about all the stressful things I would have to deal with when I got back.

During my 2 hour drive back to school Monday night I was keeping myself company with my Spotify playlists as usual and eventually Spotify began playing me "recommended radio"

And it was at this time that I heard She's in The Rain for the very first time

My first thoughts were that it sounded like an amazing song, but even despite the language barrier I could tell that it was a very emotional song so I was thinking it might not be the best thing to listen to when I was already feeling so down

And then Woosung's voice in perfect English in the last verse:

"You wanna hurt yourself, I'll stay with you

You wanna make yourself go through the pain

It's better to be held than holding on"

completely struck me in the heart and I pulled over into the next gas station and cried.

I'm not in that same situation anymore and I've been taking steps since then to try to get myself to a better place and improve my health. And living at home now with my family (and my best friend living 5 minutes away) and not feeling so isolated anymore has been a huge part of that

Hearing those words that night really struck a chord with me. It is better to confide your troubles in people and to be vulnerable and let yourself be held by someone who cares about you than to be just trying to hold on all by yourself. And the way the last chorus changes from "She's in the rain" to "We're in the rain" is such a beautiful ending as well as a perfect metaphor. When you're struggling your friends can't always do anything to get you out of that situation no matter how much they want to. But they can be there to try to support you and stand in the rain with you so that you don't have to go through hard times all alone

(this post is so long now and it's mostly just been about me and not the song I'm sorry ajdjksla)

But I also just wanna say that this song is so beautiful! It's really a masterpiece imo

The way that it starts out with just the acoustic guitar and Woosung's voice is so simple and pretty (and I thought it was a violin but then I realized maybe it was the bass but I swear I hear violin too idk maybe it's in the backing track or something?? am I crazy? lmk) and then the drums and everything really coming in almost halfway through the song after the first verse??? 😔👌👌👌

One of the things I love about Korean songs in when the singer is able to convey the emotion of a song with their voice and make you feel despite the language barrier. Woosung has one of the best examples of this. His voice is so unique, just hearing it can tug at your heartstrings even if you don't actually know what the words he's saying mean (which also makes it a 1 hit KO when he DOES say something in English ajdjksla) the way his voice literally makes him sound like he's on the verge of tears throughout the whole song really enhances it so much

(Dojoon has such a pretty voice too!! It's been a while since I've head it since he didn't sing on RED and I've been listening to a lot of other groups but yeah after listening to this song again to pick out all the parts to put in this post I'm reminded of how good he sounds in it 😔🙏 bless)

So I'll try to just wrap it up now since I've talked a lot: The Rose is such a good band and this is such a good song and the lyrics are so beautiful (you should look up the full translation if you haven't!)

Okay. That's all. I love this song, and if you've read this far I love you!!!!

#i always absolutely gush and take way too long to write these akdnkaka #please go listen to this song it's just so pretty 🤧 #the rose #she's in the rain #kpop #the k-list #[?] days of k-ristmas #kjersten talks too much