#for being his first girlfriend

[mswyrr]

Things like prolonged abuse can give people very uneven social and emotional development. They can be very responsible and "mature for your age" in some areas and also very stunted and immature in others.

This can also happen for, say, LGBT people who were closeted during pivotal periods of development too, where dating and discovering themselves happens later and there can be a development gap for a time. And grief around never getting to be a kid when they were a kid can be a thing for people once they try to connect with the things they had to cut off because they weren't safe to feel them. I went through some of that myself, from various sources, so I have a lot of empathy for that and how absurd/frustrating it can be.

(And a lot of hope - it doesn't, as far as I've seen and experienced, take someone very long to "catch up" after a while of fumbling around like an idiot)

Anyway - sometimes I see people reading Carmy's "accidental fuckboi" behavior in terms of how a grown man who's been dating since he was a teen would be thinking/feeling, if he behaved like that. But, for me, I interpret that differently because of the “first” situation and the developmental stuff. IMO, he's basically being a feckless/inexperienced teenager dating for the first time here, because in this area of his life he is still developmentally a dumb feckless teenager (and one who is trying and failing "not to be shitty" without much of a clue what that looks like).

Doesn't make the harm less real, but the intent I think is shaped deeply by the fact that, for the first time in his life, he feels safe enough (because of how much responsibility Sydney and Nat are taking on and that is absolutely not fair to them!!) to try to enjoy things. And he thinks maybe he can even make that work with being responsible somehow, but... utterly clueless about how.

There's the caveat that he didn't go out and choose to start dating at this pivotal moment for the business - dating found him and there's complexities around how much he wanted it to find him right here and now and how much he feels obligated to be what his family/friends/Claire wants him to be. I think he'd have been able to turn down anyone who wasn't as deeply tied to his family as Claire, and I'm not ignoring his agency in the situation, but they chose to bring someone in who he'd find it incredibly difficult to balance pleasing/doing what he's expected to do by while balancing everything else for a reason.

The "executive function" stuff where he's staring at the calls coming in and unable to answer either of them is key for me, in terms of this being someone who just isn't functioning well rn at all and is coming to a real crisis point and trying to ignore that/salve that any way he can think of. Masking really hard and deep in denial and trying to keep a lot of plates spinning without being very intentional about any of it.

It leads to sucky behavior and he's responsible for that--and the other characters can and should hold him responsible for that, but especially for actually addressing the core gravity warping untreated mental illness that's motivating a lot of this frantic rushing around and being a prick-- but I don't personally see much of it as a crime of intent. Intent requires a level of insight and experience that he doesn't have in the area of dating specifically lol

That balance of someone being responsible for their actions but also, for various reasons, in a place that mitigates and shapes what they're able to do--based on the tools they have--is an interesting part of the story that gets touched on again and again through various characters. It's interesting and it can coexist with the people around someone having the right to protect their own peace and boundaries.

#carmen berzatto #sydcarmy #the bear meta #the bear #my meta #who among us was a model of perfect #insight and understanding #with the very first person they ever dated? #long post #i couldn't possibly hate or vilify claire - i am thankful to her #for being his first girlfriend #so sydney doesn't have to be and deal with that fumbling around bs! #lol #the writers chose to make claire his first ever girlfriend #for a reason #they chose to talk about #being emotionally/socially stunted due to abuse #and chose to have it be claire #in a normal life #claire would have been his high school girlfriend #but -- this is not a normal life #'you can never go back / and the answer is no' #'and wishing for it only makes it bleed' as tom waits put it

[giganticism]

The Hughes brothers actually are that close and obsessed with each other. You just have to accept it.

#jack hughes #quinn hughes #luke hughes #hughes brothers #even luke gets in on it when he can #despite now being bigger than his brothers #‘siblings don’t want to spend all their time together’ #jack brought quinn on vacation to hawaii with his girlfriend #a few years ago #quinn flew to the east coast to spend bye week with jack #last year #they all flew home to hang out together this year #‘stop infantilizing the hughes brothers’ #first of all that’s not what that means #second of all #they’re adults who buy similar clothing #and straight up take each other’s full outfits #like please be for real #other siblings don’t do whatever you’re pressed about #but they DO

[carrinth]

I'm sure it's fanon that the Warden-Commander must make the most random non-sequitur comments about their Origins Love Interest during Awakening or what's the point???

Marzel missing his witchy lover. Everyone then played 'Shape-shifted mage' or 'Actual Giant Spider WTF Commander'.

#dragon age stuff #marzel amell #grey wardens of vigil's keep #marzel spent most of awakening being sad and talking about his possibly spider gf #Warden missing their respective LI #“My baby mama is carrying the soul of an Old God in her womb. I hope she's eating right.” #“The love of my life tried to kill me too when we first met.” #“My love would have been here too but he had to go become King.” #“This is like that one time my girlfriend's ex tried to shank me.”

[huidol]

happy valentines 👍 day

#figayda #fig x ayda #fig faeth #figueroth faeth #ayda augefort #fantasy high #dimension 20 #d20 #putting this up on top rest of the tags are just me talking ok #shout out to fig for being the only bad kid to stay together with their girlfriend post-fhsy. DESERVED. #scribbling poltergeist #junior's magic paintbrush #alt verison of the text couldve been want to be my crab queen but I only just thought of that now and I'm not changing it. SAD! #had sooooo many ideas for this drawing I had very cute sketch Hi everyone whos new to my blog btw I talk a lot in tags anyways I had a cute #sketch that was like. a card that Ayda was sitting at the top and fig was at the bottom and in the middle was a heart with clock hands and #shit. and ayda was sending down a uhhhh a heart that as it went down the page it aged. and fig caught it. bc ayda sending love letters #through time is my favorite thing in the whoooole world. #also had an idea because i just finished that season to have a traditional valentines card with cody that was like #“are you satan bc ive been waiting for you my whole life” bc he says that in the uh. first ep I think. anyways that be a great card I just #didnt haev the time. sad! i started drawing this on the 12th i had Zero time for anything else #wow i talked a lot tee hee ^_^ its ok because im special.

[acowardinmordor]

Fucked up thought as I do material spec: transmasc Eddie Munson who gets bullied and called a guy because of how he dresses and acts (transphobic so bad they looped back to what Eddie wants on accident) dating Steve post S2, who knows and supports him, but still has to misgender his bf in public until they can get out of Hawkins. Eddie fails again, they get in a fight about whether they should leave, and aren’t broken up, but aren’t really together as S3 starts. So when Eddie visits Scoops, Steve is so happy to see him that he calls him Eddie and he/him in public, just like the bullies, and can’t explain to Robin, who is absolutely pissed that Steve is treating her Eddie like that.

#steddie #I always love when Steve is *processing confusion* : immediate support #Eddie wants to be called Eddie? sure thing #‘what’s trans?’ Steve’s not sure #but that’s his boyfriend eddie #who he has to call his girlfriend #because his boyfriend asked him to #also don’t @ me #the shit you do to stay safe in unsafe areas is ridiculous #also there’s a weird confluence of feminism and trans experience #that predates terfs #where feminists were advocating for a woman’s right to wear pants #and have short hair and muscles #to be typically male looking without being less of a woman #so in 85 Robs first thought is probably to defend Eddie’s right to be any kind of woman

[bumblingbabooshka]

In 'vis a vis' Janeway doesn't mention B'Elanna in the list of people who're worried about Tom which implies that B'Elanna didn't report the fact that "Tom" grabbed her arm, called her a disappointment and broke up with her (as Janeway definitely would have mentioned it as evidence of him acting strange if she knew about it) which makes sense on several different fronts but also makes me scream and cry loud enough to break glass.

#it reminds me of that time in 'Alice' (NOT related as vis a vis takes place seasons BEFORE 'Alice') but when B'Elanna says Tom: #'practically assaulted me' Janeway's not taking it seriously at all she says 'that doesn't sound like Tom' and I was like CAPTAIN??? DEATH? #but again that has no bearing on this in-universe bc that hasn't happened yet. REALLY I'm screaming and crying about B'Elanna's self esteem #issues which Steth literally manifested the worst case scenario of #Tom's little gesture when he gets back also goes over so well bc of this in MY mind. #Tom wanting her and Tom being with her is something B'Elanna wants regardless of how he actually acts in their relationship #(as long as it isn't abusive). He rarely puts her first without prompting or complaining BUT...he's a handsome human guy who wants her to b #his girlfriend. Ostensibly. And that's a prize you wanna hold onto. #God I love B'Elanna............ #did she tell ANYONE or did she just sit with that interaction alone??? #her not telling anyone implies that she DIDN'T go 'hey that's not like Tom! I should inform the captain of this incident!' #and that KILLS me dude...she's not like 'Something's terribly wrong with Tom or maybe that's an imposter!' she's like 'Tom said/did that to #me.' SCREAMING. SCREAMING. TOM. YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS /BAD/ WITH B'ELANNA.

[westwindy1]

hiccup is SO not the voice of reason. He can pretend to be ALL HE WANTS, but he is not.

#king stupid flying through random caves not knowing if there's an exit #not even gonna echolocate first? #your dragon clearly can #he KNOWS places have traps yet he doesn't even throw down a cautionary rock #toss your prosthetic first idk just do something #this is oddly specific but he deserves to die #rolling his eyes at the twins yet he did the same thing last fucking week #he's being performative for his girlfriend #httyd #how to train your dragon

[dayurno]

so kevin was the one who bought jean the magnets and postcards. as souvenirs.

i fear we, the kevjean nation, may not survive this.

kevin used to write him messages and memories and they ruined it

#tsc spoilers #i dont wanna be repetitive so i wont be rehashing this out too much #but i thought the kevin in tsc was very different in a good way but in a startling way too #hes clearly a pillar of stability for jean which is weird enough of a mouthful on its own #considering its Kevin and he is famously Unstable #i thought his immediate switch after the ichirou news was so interesting? #he was panicking just as badly as jean was but as soon as neil left them alone he strongheld jean through it #the k/j dynamic is very much what i already thought it was and it did not disappoint #anything for this stupid man…. #jean keeping his promise to the end whether he liked it or not #kevin really is the first ethically manipulative girlfriend 😭😭😭😭 #these werent crumbs at all these were full meals w space for seconds #jean being in love with him was almost like. secondary #if you can believe it #but uuuh yeah im happy that i dont have to change much of how i write any of them #except maybe jeremy which is its own can of worms #oh my acolytes… how i wanted to like him #how i did not #asks #kevjean

[bloodpen-to-paper]

Love how there was all this discourse about how Good Omens didn’t have enough explicitly romantic scenes between Crowley and Aziraphale to consider them a couple so the queer rep didn’t count and Neil Gaiman was like “ah shit ok how can I make it obvious this time” and now we have The Sandman

#complete with the corinthian fucking every man in sight #desire being the world's sluttiest queer coded personification of a concept #dream being naked for the entire first episode #johanna being an awkward gay disaster around her ex-girlfriend (they make out) #the diner episode #a gay capitalist who lives out his very own shoujo ''marries the cute servant boy'' trope #and a drag queen #neil gaiman #the sandman #the sandman spoilers #the corinthian #desire of the endless #dream of the endless #johanna constantine #alex burgess #hal carter #good omens #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable husbands

[bmpmp3]

and another thing about vocal synth fans: we will always find some adult male voicebank to turn into a funny little clown for our amusement. some guy to communally bully in our talkloids, the miserable straightman to the shenanigans, the sad little freak punchline to our jokes. it happened to kaito. it happened to gakupo. it happened genbu. it even happened a bit to kevin (although he seems to have looped around somehow). and it will happen to you too, frimomen. it will happen to you too.

#hell its already begun. or maybe he was born for this role. his origins being that of which they are #the other day i saw a favourite meal announcing dragon parody 'list of past girlfriends' with frimomen #and of course the joke was him going silent for the listing part <3 a classic but it still got me LOL #i dont know why we need to do this. i feel it too though. i see a grown ass man vocal synth and im like I NEED to make him swagless #child and teen vocal synths are mostly safe from our wrath (although we've definitely done a good bit of len bullying) #but the second i see a guy who pays his taxes i NEED to make fun of him <3 <3 <3 #a vocal synth tradition. its a tradition #i dunno i was kinda thinking about genbus characterization and how in the japanese fanbase he kind of varies from what ive seen #sometimes hes a nice and calm guy with a tsundere edge. sometimes hes a goofy loud straightman to shenanigans #but overwhelmingly in the english speaking world in talkloids we turn him into this high energy beloved little freak LOL #and i love all characterizations. my own personal version is kind of all combined LOL hes friendly but a little too hype #to me he seems chill at first but is like 0-100 in like seconds <3 like his voicebank <3 <3 <3 i think he feels every emotion so so much #and absolutely suited to the straightman to hijinks role with his grumpier edge when hes embarassed #i also sometimes like to give him a bit of an unearned ego sometimes because of voicebank deprecation #hes clunky but he was the first!!! he was the first!!! hes not owned!!!! he slowly turns into a corncob #thats another characterization that mostly comes from the english speaking side LOL #TO ME genbu is like if ll nico was trying to put on a nice calm guy exterior instead of a cutesy idol exterior #which might be why genbu's becoming my favourite LOL nico was always my fav..... #going back to our favourite little guys to bully i will say nowadays kaito isnt bullied as much. because we have gakupo to bully instead #the bullying can pass on. frimomen. it can be inherited frimomen. watch out frimomen

[reineyday]

finished watching netflix atla! i think the hate is unjustified lol like all that hate seems a little too intense for what i think the show missed. it didn't hit all the same notes as the original show, yeah, so i'm not sure it quite succeeds as an adaptation, but as a standalone show it's pretty good. and i might have some gripes with the characterization, but there was love in the casting and in the costumes and the world, and that goes a long way for me.

#even tho the costumes DID look reallt new lol #rei rambles #natla #as a show i'd give it like a 7.5 or 8 out of 10 #as an adaptation... 5? 6? #the pacing was kinda weird and katara could be meaner but she wasnt terrible #sokka having a confirmed Thing with suki undermines the way his *first* girlfriend became the moon but that's also whatever #i actually LOVED the way they gave more to iroh and zuko about lu ten #and i heard ppl were mad abt azula which is like... why? she barely appears???? #as for ozai being more emotional--i GET the gripe i do. really. i just. i am not immune to daniel dae kim okay. #been weak for him since i saw him in hawaii five-o and lost okay #first big asian man crush. only handsome asian man on north american tv for a very long time. #im okay with them humanizing ozai if it means more daniel dae kim ngl #narratively sure yeah it sjpports the zuko's and azula's characters better if he unequivocally sucks #but if they're gonna give him more acting meat i'm not gonna mind in the SLIGHTEST #but anyways yeah they v clearly spotlighted iroh & zuko over some team avatar stuff and i'd be more about it if it wasnt done well #but i actually liked it so i dont mind at all #zuko and iroh were super great

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

yuuji manages to find the guts to hold megumi’s hand once and not more than 5 seconds later he gets the shovel talk from 90% of the people in megumi’s life. they truly mean their words that if yuuji ever makes megumi feel bad even by mistake, the higher ups r going to be the least of his problems. the same goes for sukuna.

the other 10% of people r frantically trying to book an immediate flight back to japan after his toes started tingling that something was up with His Boy.

just as yuuji thinks he managed the worst, he feels the hair on the back of his neck stand up and narrowly dodges assassination attempt courtesy of the zenin

The thing is that Megumi is actually such a low maintenance, chill boyfriend. Best boyfriend ever. He always replies to texts quickly. He’s on time to dates. He’s never jealous. They rarely fight, and when they do, it’s always because it’s legitimately important, and they always end up working it out. He lets Yuuji hold(!) his hand(!). The tips of his ears turn fire engine red whenever Yuuji does anything that shows off how Strong and Fast he is, which can be fun for Yuuji. It’s not a competition but also yes it is and Yuuji won it. He locked down The Best Boyfriend Ever. And it only took him 83 days of hardcore crushing, a 27 step plan, and nearly throwing himself off a cliff because he said “hooray” when Megumi told Yuuji he liked him.

He’s Done It. He Secured The Bag. Megumi Is His Boyfriend And The World Is A Perfect Place.

But everyone else seems to have some very strong opinions about that fact. Much stronger opinions than Megumi himself, who lets Yuuji hold(!) his hand(!).

There's a very confusing conversation with Inumaki and Panda about his intentions. Yuuji, very honestly, said that he didn't think he'd get far enough to have any real intentions past what he's already managed, which did not help. Maki had a similar conversation but it involved a sword. God's Perfect Man Who Already Gets Everything He Wants In Life And Certainly Doesn't Need to Butt Into This Too may be returning early from Africa. Yuuji would much rather that Africa keep him, please and thank you. There's a sniper that has him in his sights.

It's worth it.

#sea glass gardens #sort of #the continuing adventures of itadori yuuji being tormented by God's Perfect Man Okkotsu Yuuta #and trying to make Megumi His Boy instead of Yuutas #in all seriousness yuuta would be delighted if megumi got a boyfriend #and he would only LIGHTLY threaten him with a sword #jk #the itafushi that lives in my head is a sickeningly sweet cutesy first relationship #like they both just really are having that First Ever Boyfriend experience #they're both ridiculously into the other #megumi sees Yuuji do something stupidly athletic and is flustered for the rest of the afternoon #yuuji thinks megumi is the prettiest person he's ever met especially when he smiles and will do anything to get one out of him #nobara thinks they both should be taken out back and shot for making her watch this shit #kugisaki nobara world's most homophobic lesbian #lgbtq things are happening to people who do NOT deserve it #gay people are fine these specific gay people disgust her. god they're both useless like this #megumi: you're just jealous i got a boyfriend who could pick me up before you got a girlfriend you could pick you up #nobara pulling out her hammer: i'll kill you here and now #megumi: cry about it #nobara and megumi have this horrible recognition of self through the other because megumi's secretly ridiculously flustered by how Strong #and Fast Yuuji is and nobara is less secretly more openly finding maki insanely hot for how Strong and Fast she is #The Attracted to Pretty Person So Strong So Fast Alliance is facing unprecedented division when megumi starts dating yuuji first #meanwhile in the background everything is on fire and there's an assassin in the distance

[filibusterphil]

Okay not to defend the hot irredeemable murderer but it is real funny Juliette is out here thinking that Elinor killed Theo to ruin her relationship. I’m sorry babe not everything is about your doomed Shakespearean love. Sometimes your sister wants to hook up with a hot hunter too and then his brother shows up and she thinks she’s been set up so she pisses off both of them and they try and kill her and so she moves out of the way and lets one brother kill the other then wipes his memory so she won’t get blamed or be roped into the mess that will inevitably come from getting a hunter killed.

#first kill #elinor fairmont #look I know she is irredeemably evil or whatever #and a full trophy taking serial killer #but I just think that maybe hot fictional people can have that as a treat #as much as I loved the lesbians #Elinor and Talia were real standouts for me #anyway #this situation really truly got out of hand but I don’t think it’s Elinor’s fault #a lack of intent all around #Theo was struggling with his visions and needed answers and pushed too hard #Apollo was struggling with constantly being told he was not measuring up #so being called stupid by the girl he had just almost successfully seduced and schmoozed for info #pushed him over the edge #and ya girl is a psychopath so as soon as something isn’t going her way #she kinda seems to go for max pain and casualties #and well she’s very good at what she does #but she didn’t walk into that bar thinking wow I hope my sister’s girlfriend’s brothers show up so I can kill one #and break up my sister’s relationship #not even she is that ridiculously manipulative

[qcomicsy]

I really like timber because it's like that one dumbass duo from every late 90's- early 2000 teen sitcom where one was the chill one with a braincell (Apparently) and the other was a funny man with a smartmouth, but they actually got together.

#like boy meets world and all that jazz #i feel somewhere my inner child is healing #bernard literally called Tim's mom hot when they started being friends and that's so fucking hilarious #and the best part is that they didn't change much his personality because he literally told tim to 'have sucessful piss' #and tim is walking around with a guy who literally knows his robin and trying to pretend he is not robin at every single cost #tim presented his ex to bernard and the first thing bernard said was 'holy shit SHE IS real' #bernard almoste pulled out to tim the old bullying 'yeah you can't show me your girlfriend because she goes to another school huh' #literally a duo imported from a teen sitcom this is so fucking funny #i love them

[iceyrukia]

the ‘influencer lifestyle’ really rotted a lot of women’s ( + girls) brains and I’m not necessarily talking about the traveling part but the whole self-imposed prerequisite requirement of having to look like an instagram model before getting to live your life to the fullest as a woman. This internalized monitoring of the ‘self’ that women do when it comes to their own physical appearance, something to show off externally, is really pervasive and you can see it reflected in social media.

( and if you are familiar with the whole concept of having a ‘bikini’ body for the summer, that is a perfect example of this, like the absurd idea of women having to visualize themselves snapping a perfect bikini pic in order to fulfill this image of enjoying summer. Like they can’t just live but have to look and dress a certain way because it’s what a ‘successful’ women is supposed to look like, a status symbol to always emulate- yeah :/ )

#ic.text #I hate bikinis and bikini pics and bikini bodies and the history surrounding it #it’s so humiliating seeing travel thumbnails whether it’s a single woman traveler of a moid showing of his girlfriend in a bikini because #it fits the ‘image’ of a tropical vacation or some shit #it looks so staged and more so then it being a pic but because it’s a women #we are always required to be these pretty little eye candy #and the scariest part is how women do this themselves and it’s supposed to be empowering #and then there’s vicariously living through women influencers first if your too ~lazy~ to ‘get it together’ ( marketed as ‘self care’) #and if these women get past that type of voyeurism - they move of to that other voyeurism where they live for others approval #and this relationship between women mirror each other and it’s feedback loop #where none of these women can just live unless they’re ‘pretty’

[wolfeyedwitch]

Me: *experiences unpleasant things from People Being Crazy*

My inner whump writer: *takes notes about the feelings for more accurate future writing*

#whump #whump writing #whump humor #someone went really nuts on me and i set a boundary and now they have cut all contact #i dont regret it #my mental health has to come first #a guy put me in the girlfriend zone #i firmly said i didnt want a romantic relationship #i thought we'd be ok just being friends #but he kept pushing for more interaction even when i said i didnt have the spoons #and he basically threatened me with his own mental health to get me to respond #which is Extremely Not Okay #i told him in the nicest terms possible to cut that shit out #because it was triggering me (and i dont say that lightly) #and now its radio silence and he deleted all the previous messages he ever setn #which is LITERAL MONTHS OF MESSAGES #and the whole thing was this surreal mess of slowly sinking further into my time being absorbed by him #whether it was intentional or not is pretty much irrelevant at that point #he was really messing w my head #and if he takes me nicely setting a boundary as a reason to cut contact? then NO CONTACT #and yeah. i have more ideas of how bailey got in so deep w supervillain now #it didnt feel like a slippery slope until i was looking back at where i came from #essay in tags