#god do you ever think about how people in hell feel miserable if their family is on heaven

[weebsinstash]

I'm not typically a fan of pregnancy au stuff for hazbin because it introduces a hell lotta new questions, but anyways, I DO find it absolutely entertaining thinking about a Reader who did the nasty with Alastor and had kind of a friends-with-benefits situation with him and he does his whole 7 year disappearing act without warning you or telling you anything at all (assumedly because he did not have a choice or opportunity) and he comes back, knocking on your front door, "say, doll! What's say we mosey on over to our old favorite jazz club to catch up on old times?"

and suddenly peeking out from behind your back is just the cutest little fawn with a head full of curls who is very clearly Alastor's son, clutching at your apron, "Mama, isn't he the man you listen to those old recordings of? He sounds the same"

Alastor feeling this, this WARMTH in his chest as you invite him inside your home and it's completely different from the last time he was there, filled with everything your son could need, his drawings and report cards from that nice school you break your back to afford stuck lovingly on the fridge and a hot home-cooked meal currently cooling on the stove as Alastor's invited for some food... if he feels comfortable. You and him discuss privately where your son can't hear as you get all weepy, "I'm sorry, but when you disappeared, I couldn't... ASK you what you would have wanted... I didn't want to have some kind of, of PROCEDURE and you hate me for it... and even from the very first scan, I loved him so much... he's my entire world... I couldn't even CONSIDER... getting rid of him. He's my beautiful smart baby boy and i would die for him"

Genuinely I think it would be real funny if Alastor is initially quite jealous actually for having to share you with a CHILD, but the more time he spends around the young boy, the more he realizes, oh, this is quite the upstanding young fellow! His mama raised him right and he likes to help around the house, likes to read lots of books, loves all kinds of music, helps his mother on all the crosswords and word searches and puzzle books, and he's smart enough to suss out pretty quickly, "sir are you my father"

and the second your son receives an answer, just, KICKING THE RADIO DEMON IN THE SHIN, "You're a horrible man!! You call yourself a gentleman but you left my mama to raise a baby all by herself!! You're terrible! Incorrigible! Disrespectful! Untoward!--" Your young son is breaking out the goddamn dictionary and synonyms on this man, "you lying, deceitful, devious, DEPLORABLE--"

And Alastor is watching this little kid threaten to beat his ass and not even caring that he's up against The Infamous Radio Demon, just shouting at Alastor until the young boy is absolutely changing colors in the face, getting SO SO upset for his mama that he's ready to FIGHT OVER IT, and Alastor is just, essentially, breaking out into laughter, "oh, so you ARE my son!! Aren't you a gutsy one!! Put JUST a little force behind that next one and it might actually sting a bit!" and pats the boy on the head. That settles it; he's accepted as Alastor's son like THAT

Of course, Alastor now caring for this boy does not come without its... complications. There might be some 'incidents' if you, for example, have other positive role models for your son, other men who are regularly coming around, making Alastor's new position as the boy's father and your not-quite-husband (yet) feel threatened and unstable and encouraging the Radio Demon to 'act out'. You're so happy to have Alastor back in your life that you don't even notice things are a little off until your son starts mentioning things like "Mama where did Mr Thomas go? He used to come by every Thursday to play chess but I don't remember seeing him for a while?" "Mama I know Benson has bullied me and pushed me down and stolen my things but I saw his mom crying outside the bookstore earlier saying he's gone missing and I think we should help look for him" "Mama I know Mr Alastor said we don't need her and he can teach me but I also like my old piano teacher. Could I have some lessons with her and some with Mr Alastor instead of just all of them with him? I miss Ms. Mason"

But like... you don't want to deny Alastor a relationship with his child after they both have already lost so much time and you don't want to deprive your son of his father without a good reason, so you stifle some of your suspicions. It's all for your son's sake, isn't it? And you can't help but, get a little selfish when Alastor insists on taking you and your boy out, going to see live bands, going to local events, taking your son to the county fair and you feeling tears in your eyes as, your boy finally gets to spend time with his father. It's like... it's like you're a real family... you've always wanted something like this, for him, for them, for yourself--

But... Alastor doesn't... see you THAT way, does he? He displays his emotions much differently than you, and there were even times in the past where Alastor himself drew the line in the sand that, oh yes you two were quite close friends, he has such a deep affection for you, but... romantically? Sorry, sweetheart, but no

... or so he thought. Now that he's back, he sees how deeply you love his son and sacrifice so much for him amd how much your son absolutely adores you and how, completely by yourself, without any of Alastor's help, you raised him into a fine young man that... the Radio Demon could see himself helping raise, a boy he can't help but feel a little pride in helping make and, can't help but feel a little sad he missed all sorts of important milestones for. And of course, of course of course of course, he missed YOU ever so much, and when Alastor looks up from his paper to see you at the stove, hair all out of place and your hands messy as you cook a meal for your son and his father, your little boy dutifully helping clean as you go, he can't help wish that THIS was how he spent his last 7 years.

Lucifer have mercy on anyone who tries to disrupt his new utopia of peace and tranquility. Could you even imagine, could you even fucking imagine you and Alastor are walking with your son and nearby TVs snap on and it's fucking Vox, showing your family on TV, talking shit to Alastor, using HORRIBLE language in front of your son--

And Alastor feels his love for you grow all the more as you use your own magic to surge through the television and begin strangling the newscaster right on the air, "DONT YOU DARE SHOW MY SON'S FACE ON TV YOU FUCKING--" and Alastor starts lovingly conversing with his son about how important it is to stand up for your family and your values as the pair of them watch you throw Vox around his recording studio in a frenzied rage, "You and your disgusting Vees always trying to peddle your worthless garbage to kids, you CREEPS!! BABIES DON'T NEED IPADS, RETINOL CREAMS, SKEEYEE DANCE ROUTINES, AND ATHLEISUREWEAR LEGGINGS THAT GO UP THEIR ASS, YOU CONSUMERIST IMMORAL SHELL OF A HUMAN BEING--"

Snapcut to you rejoining your family on the sidewalk with your hair a mess and visible blood on you while Vox is facedown on the floor in his broadcast unable to move before it cuts to a "technical difficulties, please stand by" screen. Alastor is oh so genuinely joyfully smiling, "Now who wants to go and get some waffles? I say we should celebrate any victory over our enemies with some tasty grub!!" and he takes you and your son's hands and is all but skipping down the sidewalk while his hated rival is bleeding out in his tower somewhere. Oh, Alastor will give the Television Demon his own revenge for daring to try and shame the lovely beautiful mother of his child and his beloved boy on that disgusting show. What kind of degenerate uses children for content, let alone threatens their safety? Alastor will be back for him later and do much, MUCH worse than you did.

For now, though? Alastor just wants to enjoy the sight of you and his son sitting in a booth with him while you all scarf down some hotcakes. A family of his very own, huh? How wonderful. If only his own mom were here to see it...

#yandere hazbin hotel #yandere x reader #alastor x reader #hh #sinprompts #god do you ever think about how people in hell feel miserable if their family is on heaven #you dont WANT your loved one to be suffering in hell but... if thwy were at least you could still see them #catch me crying out here piss drunk to alastor because my mom/granny are in heaven and he nods knowingly bc his mom isnt down there either

[arctophyllax]

*clears throat* why I think Larian should let us recruit Zevlor:

More people are desperate for Zevlor than I thought at first. We all want to see him happy. We all want him to get all that he deserves and more. He just has SO much potential, he’s such a well written character just for his story to get cut off so suddenly? Thinking about how badly his story was neglected by Larian after they made us so attached breaks my heart. Of all side characters we met along the acts he is undeniably one of the most important and memorable ones; we fought for him, we saved him, we helped him, hells we even get the option to reject his payment for us for helping him and his people.

We practically got nothing out of helping him, especially the ones who reject his payments and i find myself rejecting the payment every single playthrough because i can’t find it in my heart to take something away from people who have nothing left already. If you betray the tieflings you get Minthara- and yes that may cost you certain companions too, but wouldn’t it be fair to be able to have Zevlor at camp if we save his people? At least after we save him in act 2? That way it would still be optional but god I need him so badly, I need to see him happy, I need Larian to let me look after him and take care of him and make sure that he doesn’t drown in sorrow and I know everyone who reads this feels exactly the same.

He went through so much, and every time his hope returned it got shattered to bits again. And it just feels like we’re forced to “give up” on him after we let him wander away in act 2. It doesn’t feel right. It will never feel right. We saw how miserable he was in that pod, how distressed and in pain he was. Common sense would have told us to take him with us. Make sure he fucking survives the night without doing anything stupid. Clean him off the blood and clean him off his worries, all that self hatred.

God, do I so hate to see him in such distress. And while a tiny part of me believes that death might have actually been a small mercy for him I was and will never be ready to give up on him.

Every time I see him on that damned screen, every time he speaks and every time I witness him interact with someone I DON’T see an oathbreaker who failed his people and had to be saved from being consumed by the Absolute. All I see is a competent leader who carries a burden not meant to be carried by one person alone.

This has nothing to do with him being weak. This has nothing to to with him being incompetent or not careful enough. This has nothing to do with any lost faith or broken oath. This has to do with the fact that he is so selfless that he wouldn’t allow himself to share this burden with anyone.

Yes he has (had?) his fellow tieflings, he has Tilses right beside him all of the time. But did he ever open up to her? Does he ever accept any help from his own people while he knows that they are already suffering? Would he EVER allow ANY of these people to carry even a SLIVER of his burden?

No. He would not. He would NEVER let them bear any of those duties, he has seen them in way too much pain already, seen them suffer far too often.

He is the type who gives and gives and gives and he never takes. He doesn’t know how to take, take anything positive.

His past, his comrades, his Hellriders- yes he had them. They gave him as much as he gave them. But they got torn away from him, cruelly and mercilessly.

His people, the refugees, family- he had them. And they gave him the respect and admiration he deserved. But they got torn away from him. Cruelly. Mercilessly.

His saviour, us, Tav- he had us. But we left him. Because we had no choice. We watched him walk of as though it was nothing. Cruelly. Because we could do nothing else.

And yes, I will always see red at that. Because we SHOULD be able to do better. We shouldn’t be just another loss for him.

And I will personally fistfight Larian if it meant hope for just a single chance at giving Zevlor what he never allowed himself to have: stability, encouragement. Someone he can rely on and share his burden with. A rest. Peace.

(Larian do you hear me I am under your bed we are going to fight)

(Scratch would like him to stay at camp, too)

(And what Scratch wants, Scratch gets. Right?)

(No because when you talk to Scratch the second time at camp during the tiefling party he actually says that he wouldn’t mind if you kept the tieflings at camp… trust me, Scratch, i wouldn’t mind either)

…I’d honestly die for him who’s with me

#bg3 zevlor #zevlor #bg3 #baldur’s gate 3 #larian pls #he deserves to be happy #he deserves the world but the world doesn’t deserve him #larian please let me romance that man #larian studios #I love larian but for this I spite them

[goodnightmemes]

SUPERNATURAL SENTENCE STARTERS / SEASONS 4 - 5

❛ What’s the matter? You don’t think you deserve to be saved? ❜

❛ You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of hell. I can throw you back in. ❜

❛ Destiny can’t be changed. All roads lead to the same destination. ❜

❛ I have questions. I have doubts. I don’t know what is right and what is wrong anymore. ❜

❛ The only reason you’re still alive is because you’ve been useful. But the moment that ceases to be true, the second you become more trouble than you’re worth, one word, one, and I will turn you to dust. ❜

❛ Who do I have to kill to get some French fries around here? ❜

❛ How I feel, this… inside me, I wish I couldn’t feel anything. I wish I couldn’t feel a damn thing. ❜

❛ We’re all scared. That’s the big secret… We’re all scared. ❜

❛ If you think you have good intentions, think again. ❜

❛ It’s not blame that falls on you. It’s fate. ❜

❛ I’m tired of burying friends. ❜

❛ You ask me to open that door and walk through it…? You will not like what walks back out. ❜

❛ I’m sorry. This is a very serious, very emotional situation for you. I shouldn’t laugh. It’s just that, I mean, are they serious? They sent you to torture me? ❜

❛ Oh, you’ll spill your guts, one way or the other. I just didn’t want to ruin my shoes. ❜

❛ Most folks live and die without moving anything more than the dirt it takes to bury them. You get to change things. Save people. ❜

❛ I can’t see your face, but those are definitely your brooding and pensive shoulders. ❜

❛ You promised me my family would be okay! You promised you were gonna take care of them! ❜

❛ I gave you everything you asked me to give. I gave you more. This is the thanks I get? This is what you do? ❜

❛ Now for the punch line. Everybody dies. ❜

❛ Now I’m asking you, for once, trust me. ❜

❛ Maybe you’re right. Maybe there’s, no escape. After all, how can you run from what’s inside you? ❜

❛ You don’t know me. You never did. And you never will. ❜

❛ Well, boo hoo! I am so sorry your feelings are hurt, princess! ❜

❛ Are you under the impression that family’s supposed to make you feel good, make you an apple pie, maybe? They’re supposed to make you miserable! That’s why they’re family! ❜

❛ We’ve been through much together, you and I. And I just wanted… to say, I’m sorry it ended like this. ❜

❛ What is so worth saving? I see nothing but pain here! ❜

❛ No more crap about being a good soldier, there is a right and there is a wrong here, and you know it! ❜

❛ If there is anything worth dying for, this is it. ❜

❛ Well, can’t make an omelet without cracking a few eggs. In this case, truckloads of eggs, but you get the picture. ❜

❛ Oh God. Is that a molar? I have a molar in my hair? This has been a really stressful day. ❜

❛ I’ve got no idea, but what I do have is a GED and a give-em hell attitude, and I’ll figure it out. ❜

❛ I’m hunted, I rebelled, and I did it, all of it, for you, and you failed. ❜

❛ I lost everything… for nothing. ❜

❛ You feel bad now? Wait ‘till you’re thigh-deep in warm corpses. 'Cause my friend, I’m just getting started. ❜

❛ We’ve talked about this. Personal space? ❜

❛ I was dead from the moment we said hello. ❜

❛ Don’t you get it? You can’t run from yourself. ❜

❛ Same song, different verse. Things are never gonna change with you. Ever. ❜

❛ My heart breaks for you. The weight on your shoulders, what you’ve done, what you still have to do. It is more than anyone could bear. ❜

❛ You’re not fooling me, you know that? With this sympathy for the Devil crap? I know what you are. ❜

❛ Whatever you do, you will always end up here. No matter what choices you make, whatever details you alter, we will always end up…here. ❜

❛ Maybe we are each other’s Achilles’ Heel. Maybe they’ll find a way to use us against each other, I don’t know. I just know we’re all we’ve got. ❜

❛ You can do the right thing. You’ve got choices. But if you make the wrong ones, it’ll haunt you for the rest of your life. ❜

❛ I have to believe someone can make the right choice, even if I couldn’t. ❜

❛ You know, I’m starting to get why parents lie to their kids. You want them to believe that the worst thing out there is mixing Pop Rocks and Coke - protect them from the real evil. You want them going to bed feeling safe. If that means lying to them, so be it. ❜

❛ I wish this were a TV show. Easy answers, endings wrapped up in a bow. But this is real. And it’s gonna end bloody for all of us. That’s just how it’s gotta be. ❜

❛ Now listen very closely. Here’s what’s gonna happen. You’re gonna suck it up, accept your responsibilities, and play the roles that destiny has chosen for you! ❜

❛ Are you giving me the 'Last Night on Earth’ speech? ❜

❛ What a peculiar thing you are. ❜

❛ I still love him. But I am going to kill him because it is right and I have to. ❜

❛ Think of the million random choices that you make, and yet how each and every one of them brings you closer to your destiny. Do you know why that is? Because it’s not random. It’s not chance. It’s a plan that is playing itself out perfectly. Free will’s an illusion. ❜

❛ I can see how broken you are, how defeated; you can’t win and you know it, but you just keep fighting, just keep going through the motions. You’re not hungry, because inside, you’re already dead. ❜

❛ We’re supposed to be a team, it’s supposed to be you and me against the world, right? ❜

❛ Not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that… I got laid. ❜

❛ Well, we’re working on the power of love. ❜

❛ I love you, but you are a great big bag of dicks. ❜

❛ No one gives us the right. We take it. ❜

❛ If anyone gets to end this world, it’s me. ❜

❛ Before we get down to brass tacks, some ground rules: No slaughtering each other, curb your wrath. Oh, and keep your hands off the local virgins. We’re trying to keep a low profile here. ❜

❛ Get the hell off my property before I blast you so full of rock salt, you crap margaritas. ❜

❛ I don’t understand your definition of good news. ❜

❛ You are not the burnt and broken shell of a man that I believed you to be. ❜

❛ You have an inflated sense of your importance. ❜

❛ To a thing like me, a thing like you, well… Think how you’d feel if a bacterium sat at your table and started to get snarky. ❜

❛ I’m old. Very old. So, I invite you to contemplate how insignificant I find you. ❜

❛ However you feel now, it’s only gonna get so very, very much worse… questions? ❜

❛ I suggest we imbibe copious quantities of alcohol. ❜

❛ You’re not a kid anymore, and I can’t keep treating you like one. Maybe I gotta grow up a little, too. ❜

❛ Come on, I’ve never lied to you, you could at least pay me the same respect. ❜

❛ We’re going to kill each other. And for what? We don’t even know the answer. Let’s just walk off the chessboard. ❜

❛ What would you rather have: peace or freedom? ❜

#rp meme #sentence starters #sentence meme #rp sentence meme #roleplay meme #roleplay prompts #rp prompt #rp memes #inbox meme #sentence starter meme #*tv #*supernatural

[hoverboards-and-dragons]

How does God and Lucifer’s siblings view the sins? Are his siblings jealous they have been replaced or are some of them glad that Lucifer has found others who he can be a family with?

Also, do Asmodeus and Lucifer ever indulge in bird like behavior together?

God is very pleased Lucifer has them, He intended for it and a lot of the needless cruelty of the fall was to ensure Lucifer was found, endeared and open(desperate enough) to accept the help of the demons princes.

A full power emotionally destabilized Archangel wasn't going to be quick to make friends in hell. And Yes, I am very much looking forward to unpacking God's 'Ends justify the Means' mentality and 'Father knows best' approach to making decisions that affect other people without their say.

He likes them if only cause He's less guilty for losing Lucifer's original family if he ends up with another one.

However they as individuals are very foreign, while nothing is like Him, He has an understanding of creatures that strive for His perfection. He does not know what to do with those that have no interest in His order. Especially those created outside His will.

He skittish around Fat Nuggets as He is the Sins its very amusing

He's immune to Fear of Unknown by nature of being All knowing, they aren't Other to Him - He's perfectly aware they are complex people with depth and value. Which has unlocked some other, far stranger emotional response that like a morbid intrigue.

The sins and archangels' dynamics do have some posts here and here but im always up for an excuse for a proper mindset deep dive!

Because of implicit and explicit bias his brothers think of hellborn demons as lesser, Heaven is just like that, not necessarily bad just insignificant in the wake of God's Will and Order.

They see them as pets Luci is using to fill the void they left behind, the best he can do, while they're not necessarily upset at the situation by itself...

They are absolutely affronted at Lucifer being closer and more comfortable with the sins than he is or really ever was with them.

All he does is complain about the sins and how he has to manage them! (context) They were under the impression he barely tolerated them what do you mean he finds the demons' company preferable and there's a undercurrent of unbreakable trust and unconditional love in all that taunting and banter.

His siblings aren't jealous of being replaced however they are extremely jealous of being superseded.

They also... see the sins as bringing out Lucifer's 'worst traits', (mainly, Pride) because Christianity Heaven runs on shame and repression so nothing's more terrifying to them than someone being unapologetic in themselves

It's like, the worst parts of Catholic guilt and Protestant evangelical beliefs mixed together.

He has to miserable in hell in every way because if he was even the least bit happy away from the church Heaven that would have to mean something was wrong with him... or it. They don't want to see their brother like that but they're unwilling to compromise their worldview either, for who are they without God? Who is God if He's wrong?

Lucifer is cringe(and damned) but he is free etc etc

I'm so glad that near decade I spent studying Christian dogma and culture is coming in useful, there's so much texture and potential in this family dynamic

Yes, YES!!! I have waited my whole life for someone to ask about this, Bird solidarity!! Asmodeus unfortunately doesn't have a beak (it's different from claws or fingers and not even other angels can replicate it, fuck he misses his Dad) but still mutual preenings!! Billing!! Nestling!! Headbutting!! Wing tucking!! Someone who gets it!

I think Lucifer feels way more fondness for the Ars Goetia than he has any right to just cause a lot of them are birds.

Yeah they're pompous arrogant pricks but, those are endearing quirks to him if it's birds (okay he sees these as basically pets)

Paimon is still around despite his everything because he has a beak and is one of the few Goetia to truly prioritize ass kissing over dignity or prestige and will groom him without acting like it's weird.

#I have so many thoughts i dont even know until someone asks #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel lucifer #hellaverse #hazbin hotel headcanons #hazbin hotel god #helluva boss #helluva boss asmodeus #hazbin hotel archangels #@vrtlkm #vrtlkm

[calisources]

CW'S   SUPERNATURAL   SENTENCE   QUOTES.   all   sentences   have   been   taken   from   mostly   the   kripke   era   (season   1   to   season   5)   of   erik   kripke's   supernatural,   mainly   season   four   and   five.   change   names/pronouns/locations   as   you   see   fit.

SEASON FOUR .

If you're going to shoot, shoot! Don't talk!

Please. Dean, maybe angels can pull you out of Hell but no one can do that.

So, you guys are like Mulder and Scully or something, and the X-Files are real?

It was beauty that killed the beast.

Anna may have sent the angels to the outfield, but sooner or later, they're gonna be back.

I suppose some dumb bastard stood here, felt a jolt of his holy juice and thought 'I'm going to build me a nun factory.' Well, it was the right idea... wrong angel.

Tell me something. Where's God in all this?

I'm not sure if he's my brother any more. If he ever was.

Are you under the impression that family's supposed to make you feel good? Make you an apple pie, maybe? They're supposed to make you miserable! That's why they're family.

If you walk out that door, don't you ever come back.

You don't know me. You never did, and you never will.

Congrats, Sammy. You just bought yourself a benchwarmer seat to the Apocalypse.

I serve Heaven, I don't serve man. And I certainly don't serve you.

Forever. The demons will never stop. You can never be with your family. So, you either get as far away from them as possible. Or you put a bullet in your head, And that's how you keep your family safe.

You know I finally get why you and dad butted heads so much. You two are practically the same person. 

I mean I worshipped the guy, y'know: I dressed like him, I acted like him, I listened to the same music. But you are more like him than I will ever be. I see that now.

Okay, so basically you're saying that every movie monster, every nightmare that I've ever had, that's all real.

He's a Winchester. He's already cursed.

It was too preposterous. Not to mention arrogant! I mean, writing yourself into the story is one thing, but as a prophet? That's like M. Night level douchiness.

Uriel's the funniest angel in the garrison. Ask anyone.

 I'm not a hero, I'm not strong enough.

 I know our fate rests with you.

I couldn't break him, pulled out all the stops, but John, he was made of something unique. The stuff of heroes. 

You need to learn how to manage a damn devil's trap.

Tell me something, geniuses. Even if you do break into the Veil and you find the Reaper. how are you going to save it?

SEASON FIVE.

The only thing you're going to see out there is Michael killing your brother.

I'm gonna rip you apart from the inside out. Do you understand me?

No doubt - endings are hard. But then again... nothing ever really ends, does it?

You try to tie up every loose end, but you never can. 

Dean, even for you, this is a whole new mountain of stupid.

Sorry if it's a bit chilly. Most people think I burn hot. It's actually quite the opposite.

Well, I got to ask. How old are you?

As old as God. Maybe older. Neither of us can remember anymore. Life, death, chicken, egg. Regardless - at the end, I'll reap him, too.

That's the beauty about improv, Sammy. You never know what's gonna come out of your mouth.

You are not the burnt and broken shell of a man that I believed you to be.

World's gonna end, seems silly to get all precious over one little soul.

Why? Because Crowley said so? Because we trust him now?

You think you own the planet? What gives you the right?!?

No one gives us the right. We take it.

You're not my father. And you ain't in my shoes. 

I mean, whatever happened to personal loyalty? How long have I worked for these guys. Five millennia? Six?

 It's funnier in Enochian.

 This creature has the power to take a human's form, read minds. 

And you think you know better than my father? The one unimportant little man. What makes you think you get to choose?

 It's a plan that is playing itself out perfectly. Free will's an illusion, Dean. That's why you're going to say yes.

Think of the million random choices that you make--and yet how each and everyone of them brings you closer to your destiny.

As it is in Heaven, so it must be on Earth. One brother has to kill the other.

Well, call it personal experience. Nobody gets that angry unless they're talking about their own family.

You know why God cast me down? Because I loved him. More than anything.

Now, tell me... does the punishment fit the crime? Especially when I was right? 

 Look at what six billion of you have done to this thing, and how many of you blame me for it?

Honestly, people don't need a reason to kill each other. I mean, you seen the Irish? They're all Irish.

#rp meme #sentences memes #meme call #roleplay memes #sentence meme #( cali meme. ) #rp memes #rp prompt #rp musings #roleplay prompt #roleplay meme

[aliasrocket]

If you're still accepting requests, could I request Rocket crushing on someone? How it would go from him not liking the person, to denial, and then finally to realisation/acceptance ❤️

Since this request wasn’t too specific, I’m gonna assume you wanted me to list down some hcs I have about Rocket having a lil crush. If I was wrong, please lmk! So sorry in advance hehe.

Rocket crushing on someone <3 (gender neutral!)

(omg this ended up being a whole imagine/mini fanfic wtf)

gif source &lt;3 / here’s my masterlist!!

» the beginning.

This was not supposed to go this way.

He was just supposed to have a conversation with someone at a bar for the sake of not looking half as miserable as he really is, get drunk, leave, and deal with whatever hell spawn of a hangover he’d get in the morning.

There was just something about them that was so …

Hard to let go.

“Welp, I better get goin’. Can’t keep my crew waiting.”

They smiled, setting their wine glass down. “Oh, do you really have to go?”

Oh, fuck.

If their voice, their smile and that blinding glint in their eye was something he could catch, he would have had it in a glass bottle before you could even realize he’d caught it.

Yeah because their voice was nice. Nothing else to it.

Nothing, nothing, nothing.

He was still chanting that as he stumbled out of the bar wishing he could smash the bottle in his hand to pieces.

Whether it had echoed in his head or fallen out of his lips as indecipherable slurring, he couldn’t tell the difference with all the liquor he’s had to down just to get their voice the slightest bit softer in his head.

» denial.

Of course Rocket would have never admitted it if someone else didn’t point it out for him.

So he tries his best to hide it from the guardians. Absolutely looks the other way when his crush comes around and he’s walking around with his family.

He would be pretty angry and bummed out about it, too.

The simple fact is that Rocket has lost people before. He cannot afford to go through even a fraction of that pain again because he’s had enough.

You can’t lose what you don’t have.

They don’t even know my name, so there was nothing there, he thought.

Did he tell them his name?

Doesn’t matter. They’re someone he met at the bar, that’s their name, Rocket decided. ‘Someone I met at the bar.’

But it only makes him recall their name even more.

He mulled over the conversation and began analyzing each word—what could they have even said that was all that charming?

Maybe if he got to the root of the problem, he could find the anomaly and rip it the fuck out.

No, but of course that’s not how shit worked. They sort of just … linger. Make you imagine the things that person likes.

Okay, so Rocket decided to make a new set of blasters. He was kinda outgrowing his most used ones anyway.

And, it’s not a crush but a certain point in time where both parties were at their (somewhat) best. They were probably a difficult person to deal with. Maybe a slut? Not that there was anything wrong with that, because Rocket wasn’t any different just—

THIS FALLS UNDER THE CATEGORY OF ‘THINKING ABOUT THEM’!

Stopping now.

He walks around to find stores with parts he needs, and he runs into them.

Them.

Them with their stupid hair and their stupid clothes and their stupid taste in fashion (stupid, stupid, stupid, definitely stupid, nothing more.)

(He acts like a little child experiencing his first crush. It wasn’t his decision. He’s not built for this.)

They look to Rocket.

Their eyes widen, as does their pretty—pretty shit-eating smile.

“Oh, Rocket! Hey!”

He froze.

No, nevermind, freezing entails being completely stoned but he was painfully aware of his heaving chest and his hanging jaw and his greedy lungs.

He fled.

On all fours, he ran faster than he ever knew he could.

» realization/acceptance.

… yeah. There was nothing else to say, or do, or feel.

There was no more escaping it.

Thank god he doesn’t have their number.

“Rocket?”

“Hm?”

“Who’s ‘someone I met at a bar’?”

The team were on a commission in a conveniently far planet, much to Rocket’s delight.

So much for not having their number.

Quill was on the access panels.

“Don’t you know how to fuckin’ read?” Rocket snapped. “It’s right there on the goddamn screen.”

“Yeah but how is it that a screen is telling me more about this encounter than you ever did?”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Rocket.”

“What?”

Quill looked at him.

He was doing that thing where his shoulders are slumped and he presses his lips together.

“Spit it out already!”

“It’s okay to be into someone,” Quill said.

Rocket scoffed audibly.

“I knew that.”

“Rocket.”

“What?”

“It’s okay to be into someone,” Quill repeated a lot slower this time.

“I know!” Rocker shrieked, like his voice was cracking under his dissolving defense. “I’m not a damn child.”

“And you’re not a monster, either,” Quill corrected.

And he definitely read Rocket’s mind.

That was just about as much as he could stomach.

So there was no more talking for the rest of the trip.

So yes, Rocket would have never admitted it if someone else didn’t point it out for him.

#gotg #gotg fanfiction #gotg fic #guardians of the galaxy #rocket raccoon #gotg vol 3 #gotg vol. 3 #peter quill #rocket gotg #rocket raccoon imagine #rocket raccoon fanfic #anon ask #ask request #.alias.inbox.request. #.alias.hcs.

[sorrelpaws]

Sorrel imma listen to each song and the playlist and give my take! I wanna see how close or off or just any feedback tbh! For funzies! LMAO The first song is JUST THE VIIIBE FOR THE SHOW OVERALL <33

YOU ACTUALLY WENT THROUGH EVERYTHING honestly im so giddy over this. I'LL PUT MORE SPECIFIC THOUGHTS under the readmore, BUT U WERE PRETTY SPOT ON DUDE!!!

arrival - totally for the vibe. Just sounds like them to me daydream in blue - originally this was more so about rick/diane and how rick (badly)copes with her loss. BUT HONESTLY your interpretations centering morty's disillusionment ARE ALSO REALLY NEAT and i cant believe i didnt think of that sooner hehe i think it might be hell - YUP!!! mostly rick song but also has some lines that work for morty them changes - ALSO WORKS FOR BOTH OF THEM!! but personally i think of it more as a rick song snake eyes - I'LL ADMIT THAT THIS is half here for the vibe, BUT ALSO yeah definitely morty at a breaking point toy plane - YESSS EXACTLY!!!! i've been plugging this as a morty song basically since i found it. Very much about the dynamic between him and rick. TO BE HONEST i've never even thought about the "though this house is unchanged" LINES BUT YOU'RE SO RIGHT. RICK POTION #9. found god in a tomato - YUPPP very much their vibe. also makes me think very much about rick and just The way he is. his whole "i'm better than everyone" shtick just - YESSS EXACTLY THIS IS LITERALLY JUST rick being an asshole 180db_[130] - YUP just here for the vibe B) everything hurts - YEAH YEAH YEAH just completely rick's angsty sad miserable life no need for a leader - actually this for me is very much an evil morty song. specifically s3e7's whole plot starstruck - YUP MORTY SONG!!! for all his hurt feelings and protests, morty still obviously looks up to rick A Lot, so while he may be mad about something, he'll still go along with whatever rick wants fifteen minutes - THEM BOTH YEAH. here for the vibe cadence - this one is just kind of Rick and Morty to me. i dont even know how to explain it, just has their vibe. BUT I LIKE your interpretation a lot!! about how morty is aware of rick's self loathing and trying to kind of help him in his own way i'm your dog - YEAH. this is the most morty song ever to me. he really wants to act like he doesnt need rick, but he's also disgustingly codependent so the moment rick needs him, he comes running back. in the yard - YES!!! huge morty song. kind of has rick potion #9 vibes again, BUT I REALLY like the idea that there's some pressure to never mess up around rick, and feeling like his family prefers each other over him who is she ? - YEAH kind of here for the vibes, but also a bit for rick and diane! i don't know, i just feel like after searching for her killer for a couple of decades she might morph into less of a person and more of just an idea running on a treadmill - HEHE YESSSS morty doing everything for ricks approval to the point he sacrifices his own comfrot barbarism begins at home - YES about rick and morty's weird abusive relationship. morty not being "good enough", rick being a terrible role model/adult presence and not knowing how to be Nice call this # now - JUST FOR THE VIBES!!!! money - THIS ONE to me is about rick wanting to be better for morty, but having a really hard time stepping out of his nihilistic-asshole comfort zone. he knows he sucks, he acknowledges it, and he really wants to be better kiss me, son of god - very much a rick song hehe. specifically im imagining him in the era where he's contributing to the citadel's creation, but there's a line here that also make me think a bit about his relationship with prime (i destroyed the bond of friendship and respect between the only people left who'd even look me in the eye) birdhouse in your soul - just Rick and Morty and their relationship dungen - another Just for The Vibe song, BUT YEAH works well as a "throwback to the "good" ol' days" interpretation too drunk to come - YEPPPP RICK SONG ALL THE WAY BABY nugget killer - i'll be honest i also have no idea what this song says or means But it just Feels like rick and morty to me. i can feel it in my bones glue - YUHHHH MORTY ABOUT RICK YEOP YEP YEP YEOP oulala - YEP rick and his whole attachment and substance abuse issues two weeks - YEAH. their whole relationship

#asks #rick and morty

[earthstellar]

Watching Earthspark Eps 11 - 18!

So today was miserable on the Saturday shift so I’m going to be getting gradually absolutely shithouse drunk and watching Earthspark. All of the new episodes!!!  

This is my first look at all of the episodes, so these are my initial takes! 

I have not eaten today as I have been on shift, so I am likely to be genuinely drunk by the end of this, but I am taking actual notes here. 

Commentary as I go below, tagging for spoilers with every tag I know of just in case! 

Episode: 11 // Beers: 2 

Is the white woman evil? I’m going to say yes, because it sure seems like it. 

I love the idea that everyone has the capacity to experience an alt-mode slightly differently; It is dependent on the individual’s perspective, what their experience is in a changed form. 

Absolutely love that. 

Also, is this the first time we’ve seen what a bot’s experience can be, while in non-root mode? I think so! Although this seems to be specific to her? but we’ll see

The implication that alt-modes can be controlled by external forces is extremely upsetting. 

Give me a moment to be extremely old, but I remember when the hottest animation around was fucking Reboot, lmao. This show looks great!! 

Oh shit, it was the internet!!! Gen Z all star!!! This show makes me feel so old but also I like that there’s more of a Gen Z feel to the youngin’s here, that’s 100% appropriate and I like it. It seems like the writing is tonally on point for the target demographic and below, which makes sense. 

In a way it reminds me a bit of Ghost in the Shell, the way there’s this 3D space to navigate The Net. 

Uh oh, an internet meme reference which is 15 years out of date. Maybe I spoke too soon? 

An alligator alt-mode! I’m from Florida so this isn’t scary to me lmao, but hell yeah Beastformers!!! Fuck yes!!! 

That flat ass landing for Soundwave. lmao just flat on the back! Fuck. 

Evil white woman!!! uh oh

Yay, the family! I still really struggle with the family-intensive emphasis of this whole show so far, but I acknowledge that it’s because my own family is completely fucked up so all of these morals fall very short for me, personally. I do like that there’s a lot of focus on being together and achieving things as a collective unit of people, though. :) 

I love Nightshade. Not just saying this because I also don’t believe in gender, but just in general, I love Nightshade. 

This bitch is a living router!!! Yes!!! God, yes!!! 

Episode: 12 // Beers: 3 

How do they clean under the glove? Is the glove just a part of their hand? How integrated is it? 

Home movies, fuck yes. 

Anxiety son trying to choose his alt-mode reminds me a lot of 12 year old me trying to choose my gender. Relatable. 10/10 

What a cute opening!!!! I don’t have siblings but is this what it’s like sometimes? Holy shit I was a lonely kid LMAO 

I love Jawbreaker a lot. 

Dot’s hairtie looks a lot like a FedEx parcel rubberband. Not hating on it, I’m just saying. 

Oh shit this is going to be a home movie episode! YES YES YES 

This reminds me of Rewind doing interviews of the Lost Light crew, I’m gonna fucking cry over the most basic shit lmaoooo

WiFi Queen watching her stories. PLAY TELEMUNDO 

Jawbreaker is my son nobody fuck with him ever

oh no creative differences 

WiFi Queen leave my son alone, no no no no 

This reminds me way too much of all the videos teenagers made back in the day of Kingdom Hearts keyblade fights in Target parking lots and it’s truly, truly embarrassing but also very much a vibe 

 ARACHNAMECHS YOU HAVE MY ATTENTION 

calm down Elita-One

Megatron like “when’s your fucking boyfriend gonna get here” lmao 

MEGATRON INTERVIEW LET’S FUCKING GO 

OH SHIT HISTORY LESSON

NO NO NO WIFI QUEEN STOP STOP STOP YOU ARE DOING EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO SET OFF PTSD STOP 

hashtag her name is hashtag

oh god he’s explaining his fucking tilt-rotor alt mode, I already made a post about why the alt mode is inherently funny but tl;dr these things suck IRL :( 

oh shit are we getting an Elita-1 workout tape 

this is kinda shitty of Elita actually, maybe slow down for the kid??? IDK

ok it’s nice now <3 

oh shit!!! self-discovery!!! 

uh oh foreshadowing that this video definitely won’t be just for him :(  

the handling on that big ass van is not good, which makes sense 

sibling themed lesson, not surprising-- seems like almost every episode so far in some way or another. not complaining, it’s just something I really can’t relate to personally at all so I’m naturally a bit disconnected 

cute, edit with the scissors :’) 

is this what it’s like to have a family that loves you? like they’re supportive and shit? that’s real????? that can happen? lol my family is so fucked up idk this is actually depressing me but it’s fine I like the show 

Episode: 13 // Beers: 3 

god I love Jawbreaker 

Nightshade!! oh shit. I love them too

I LOVE Nightshade. lmao 

Nightshade is me. I also do not want to go Do The Thing. I want to Do Some Bullshit. 

Loner child!! Yes!!! They made a character for those of us that are only children lmao

CEMETERY YES YES YES 

oh fuck are they about to learn about death 

YES YES YES YES SPIDERS YES 

YES HOLY SHIT YES TARANTULAS YES YES YES YES YES 

PROTOFORM

UNAFFILIATED 

SUFFICIENTLY NON-THREATENING 

MOTHERFUCKER YES

PRONOUN INTRODUCTION YES

YES!!!! FUCK YES

HOLY SHIT 

I’M SO QUEER THIS IS THE BEST EPISODE OF ANYTHING EVER 

“YOU HAVE A MISSED CONNECTION” DON’T TELL HIM PROWL CALLED, STOP WHILE YOU’RE AHEAD 

did this goggle wearing asshole just call them an “it”? did they ever say they used it pronouns? I might just be drunk I’ll have to rewatch later but uhhh

Nightshade is my favourite, but so is Tarantulas 

IS HIS HOLOFORM DALE GRIBBLE FROM KING OF THE HILL WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

HOLOFORMS!!!! 

FUCK ME THIS IS GREAT

I LOVE TARANTULAS I LOVE HIM

IT’S SORT OF UPSETTING HOW MUCH I FEEL HIM RN BUT YOU KNOW WHAT FUCK IT THIS WHOLE EPISODE IS SO REAL FOR EXISTING 

80S MUSIC SCIENCE MONTAGE YES YES YES 

THEY’RE GIVING ME EVERYTHING!!! 

oh no is it gonna take a turn now 

“I chose to survive” FUCKING MOOD

no motherfucker he will NOT lose another child!!!! 

YES DOT WITH THE REAL TALK <3 LOVE HER 

god dammit! this is my favourite episode of this whole show so far 

ha ha oh shit spider time!! 

PARENT THEFT 

OH MY GOD WE’RE DOING IT 

I’VE ENTERED SICKO MODE

unsupervised only child behaviour, I can finally relate to something in this show!!! god bless!!! 

PARTNER!! YES!! 

honestly I get that it’s the Maltos so he’s wrong on this occasion but in general I am fully on board with Tarantulas at the moment, GHOST is some bullshit 

BEASTMODE 

BEASTMODE!!! FUCK YEAH FUCK YES HOLY SHIT 

Tarantulas has a desire to adopt so strong that he’s wrongly evaluating the current situation, this was entirely predictable, if you know then you know lmao

OH FUCK I LOVE NIGHTSHADE’S NEW LOOK

HELL YEAH 

fuck off Bumblebee 

yeah I fucking love Nightshade’s new look, this RULES

YEAH TARANTULAS REDEMPTION ARC YES YES YES YES YES YES YES 

FUCK GHOST I HATE GHOST 

they’re just OK with this shit? what the fuck? I mean ok but also no it isn’t, what the fuck? 

CREDITS, FUCK 

THIS WAS THE BEST EPISODE. THIS WAS THE BEST ONE. 

Episode: 14 // Beers: 3 

oh fuck GHOST

had to pause to make some bagels at this point, lox and a schmear, hell yeah

god I love Nightshade’s new look so much

hate that WiFi Queen got stuck with a GHOST alt-mode, GHOST sucks so bad I hate them so much holy shit :( she deserves better but also I understand the Call of the WiFi 

Schloder you asshole 

lmao The Most Dad 

the tea kettle is shaped like Bumblebee lmao, wait why is Schloder fondling it like his dick, I don’t like this 

that’s not how lenses work 

it’s OK Nightshade, I can’t do math either 

oh shit is it gonna be Blurr, oh shit oh fuck 

god the texture on Dot’s hair is so good

BREAKDOWN OHHH SHITTTT

STUNTICONS!!! 

stupid deal, of course. there’s no plot without it 

is this the Big Sister Syndrome I have heard so much about 

oh shit evil white woman is back!!! Croft? 

the three dipshit hipster GHOST members, lol 

YEAHHHHH DOT 

fuck, the white woman strikes again 

YEAH FUCK UP GHOST 

oh shit 

BREAKDOWN FUCK YEAH

LMAO the license plate in Human Language too, fuck yeah, GHOST sucks 

evil white woman!!! 

holy shit that ruled also FEELINGS

FUCK GHOST 

WHY IS EVERYONE OK WITH GHOST???? FUCK GHOST 

this whole thing took 10 hours? damn 

Episode: 15 /// Beers: 3 

LOVE the discussion about which prosthetic to use <3 

oh shit it’s a Mother’s Day episode

this is gonna be hard, I might have to punk out on this one for Fucked Up Family Reasons 

love Nightshade <3 also hell yeah owl claws!! 

ha ha oh shit a bear! FUCK

what the fuck happened with her prosthetic what bullshit is this 

my mom used to be a ranger this sucks so bad like my relationship with my mom is NOT GOOD so this show is already hard to watch lmao but holy shit 

super worms? fucking GHOST doing bullshit in the woods

the dial up sound L M A O 

the way WiFi Queen says “picnic basket” is the same cadence famously used by Yogi Bear, for those who aren’t old as fuck and/or have never seen that show before 

THE BEAR IS SATAN

I love Large Son 

FUNGUS BEAR FUNGUS BEAR TOXIC WORM BEAR

oh shit Nightshade cruise mode!! 

what the fuck the fungus bear became a new bear

DISPERSE THE GOO

I will talk a lot about the prosthesis lesson at a later date, 10/10 I like seeing this discussed on a show for kids 

evil white woman is shaping up to be the Main Villain here 

Episode: 16 // Beers: 4 

oh fuck a flashback

oh fuck!!! 

man it sucks to watch kids act out war. like yeah I know this is fiction but it’s also real and it sucks

looks like they finally set off PTSD in Megatron, way to go kiddos :( if I triggered my dad’s PTSD by playing with a ball or something I had the shit whipped out of me, so I hope the kids can fucking run because it’s not their fault anymore than it was mine IRL but I can feel the sting, oh nooo

Scottish Megatron was a great choice 

HISTORY LESSON LET’S FUCKIN GO

HISTORY LESSON FROM MEGATRON LET’S GO FUCK YEAH

man this episode is actually already setting off my own PTSD!! nothing like family themed shows to really point out how fucked my own family is. gonna need more beers!!! 

THE BLUE FLOWERS alright yeah this is gonna fuck me up real bad

hold on I’m getting another beer 

shut the fuck up, kids-- IDK I know this is my own family trauma from war speaking here, but I would have absolutely had the fucking shit slapped out of me if I said or did anything during War Story Time. I’m like terrified they’re going to start getting beat for real in a minute here if they keep saying dumb shit :( 

megatron has been patient so far but holy shit kids shut the fuck up 

that having been said I am glad Megatron is better with kids than any of my family members lmao it’s not like I want them to get hit or anything, I’m just seriously on edge because I absolutely got traumatised when I like, breathed when my mom or dad was doing PTSD time and this feels like where that is going 

“what do you know of the all spark” GET ‘EM MEGS, GET ‘EM WITH KNOWLEDGE 

IDK how I feel about Dot alone being Meg’s turning point but we’ll see where this goes

very TFP-like, with restoration of Cybertron being the ultimate goal

Scots Meg, love it when the Scots comes through. shoulda just let the VA go full Scottish, that would rule

that having been said, oh fuck Shockwave! 

I like his design, 50% Cyberverse, 50% G1.

OLD FRIEND LINE I’M LOSING MY MIND

really uncomfortable how much this reminds me of a couple war memorials I’ve been to IRL, Do Not Like but I understand they were going for this exact association it just sucks for what are probably obvious reasons 

nobody bothered to secure Shockwave’s tube? ever? 

“lower class cy-brids” oh FUCK 

IT WAS A CLASS WAR, IDW/TFP influenced origin semi-confirmed for this continuity as well??? 

“we have just enough energon in us for those things to hurt” -- interesting 

I love that the park insignia is a human fist grabbing a Cybertronian finger in a “handshake” 

don’t spew centrist bullshit Megatron but war fucks with everyone’s heads so I don’t blame you. 

although yes “don’t do leftist infighting” is very good advice, he’s not wrong about that. 

Episode: 17 // Beers: 5 

what the fuck is this underground dog fighting pit Cybertronian battle arena gladiatorial contest bullshit right the fuck here 

ARE THEY IN FUCKING PHILLY 

THEY ARE!!! THEY’RE IN FUCKING PHILLY 

SHOUT OUT TO ALLEGHENY COUNTY!!!! 

what weakass drumline is this, come on there are buskers better than this 

WHERE’S GRITTY

PLEASE GRITTY

everyone is rude in Philly, these kids don’t know shit 

also “city mileage” is literally going nowhere because traffic isn’t moving LMAO

oh shit a hipster is about to get Bad Timed

OH FUCK YEAH RED EYE OWL SUPERHERO TIME

YESSSSS OUR THEY/THEM HERO YES YES YES YES YES

no honey don’t breathe in the train vent air, you’re breathing in so much pollution, noooo

they’re encountering a white woman in the wild, oh no 

OH NO THE WHITE WOMAN IS ENTICING THEM TO JOIN A PIT FIGHT

DON’T LISTEN TO STRANGE WHITE WOMEN DON’T DO IT, NO 

god dammit! 

none of the Philly people have good Philly voices but I expected this 

NO SKATEPARK HAS AN AMERICAN FLAG ON IT THAT ISN’T VANADALISED, I CALL BULLSHIT IMMEDIATELY 

Twitch is fucking up her paint so bad right now 

fucked up graffiti, oh no :( 

SHE/THEY PINS ON THE BACKPACK HELL YEAHHHHH

YEAHHH NIGHTSHADE CALLED IT OUT 

QUEERS UNITE

YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH

I LOVE THIS SCENE SO MUCH

YESSSSSSSSSSS NON-BINARY DISCUSSION 

YEAH YEAH YEAH FUCK YEAH 

please god have a trans man on this show someday, please god 

white woman quoting bugs bunny lmao fuck off 

GUITAR CHILD IS RUNNING A PIT RING??? 

SOUNDWAVE COME GET YOUR KIDS

ha ha Bumblebee’s like what the fuck “we just wanted to see wrestling” LOL 

lmao staged fight let’s go, WWE back in the late 90s early 2000s energy for real

are they gonna do the Hulk Hogan Mr. America lie detector test thing LMAOOOO

I like that the arena is made up of fucked up old subway cars though, that’s real Philly energy tbh 

GRIMLOCK HA HAAAA GET FUCKED

no memory? also reference to IDW 1 Grimlock losing memory? idk I just want there to be as much IDW 1 in this as possible tbh 

also fucking LOL Lazerbeak is doing amazing as the announcer 

Mandroid!! 

wait the mind control eyes were purple here and the bear with the fucked up fungus tentacle worm situation also had purple eyes but that was from the GHOST shit so I’m calling it now, the Mandroid shit and the GHOST shit is the exact same shit 

lmao uh oh, fuck them humans

interesting how they said “we changed you” and he instantly said “you didn’t ruin anything”, uhhh not quite the same thing but also I’m drunk and this is a child character talking so I will revisit this later if need be

Stevie fucking sucks, very true, good lesson: friends that suck are not actually friends

OH SHIT REAL MISSION TIME IN PHILLY LET’S GO

I love that fucking owl alt mode so much, jesus christ

Episode: 18 // Beers: 5

humans are fucking shitty

very similar reveal shot to the shot in TFP where Ratchet and Optimus are looking around in the plague ship, 10/10 love it 

oh fuck, Brawl’s toast

OH FUCK NICE SAVE LARGE SON

this scene looks great

Mandroid’s looking fucked up!

oh shit, Bot Brawls, there’s a name for it. and it’s just normal human bullshit, not related to Mandroid. yeah, that checks out. SIGH

EXTREMELY ANIME SHOT OF MANDROID 

holy shit those cables really jammed in there

they made one of the worms from Tremors into a giant spider worm (not a sexy Tarantulas spider worm, like a bad one) 

oh shit Hashtag’s mind controlled 

ha ha holy fuck she just rocked Thrash

MENTAL BATTLE ZONE YEAHHH

this is fucked!!! 

ha ha it’s fucking with Teslas, that kinda rules 

HA HA YES IT’S ALL CARS WITH WIFI SHIT INVOLVED, YEAH I KNEW I DIDN’T TRUST THAT SHIT!!! I WAS RIGHT!!! THANKS FOR VALIDATING ME

can’t beat the internet, y’all are fucked pretty bad right now 

obligatory “I know you’re in there” line 

if the power of family is what defeats a microchip in this episode I’m going to be so fucking pissed off l m a o

I really wish this show would stop making me feel bad for having a shitty family at literally every opportunity, it really is sort of overbearing, but I’m also drunk right now so maybe I’m just being overly sensitive, but what about kids watching this with shitty families? like dude this is so genuinely painful 

god fucking dammit 

the power of family is what did it 

I mean good, I guess, but also this just makes me feel like such shit lmaooo

also I’m an only child so I mean IDK what the fuck sibling love is LOL

if I took shots for every time they said the word “family” I’d be dead within 15 minutes, guaranteed

the little girl is the only one with any common sense lmao, I am too drunk to remember her name, I still have not eaten all day -- wait I lied I had 2 bagels

confirmed: Bot Brawls are the only option for Decepticons, it’s literally just a new version of gladiatorial battles on Cybertron (assuming that was also a thing in this continuity, seems likely but I don’t think they’ve mentioned it yet) 

fucking bummer 

I wouldn’t be laughing at a drained Bumblebee passing the fuck out but that’s just me, also apparently Cybertronians can snore despite having vents and no airways, maybe that’s different here for some reason, IDK

it could also be Bumblebee actively trying to put them at ease with the last bit of his energy in a subtle way as the Terrans/kids might not understand Cybertronian anatomy so this might not register to them as being weird, which is the option I prefer but this is just me thinking out loud 

EVIL WHITE WOMAN!!! I TOLD YOU THE WHITE WOMAN WOULD BE THE REAL ENEMY!!!!! I TOLD YOU!!!!! 

oh fuck she’s the pit fight organiser, because of course she is

OH SHIT ENERGON PATCHES. Mandroid’s reaction to it is a lot like TFP Megatron’s reaction to dark energon, hmmmm

“they’re all disposable” wow fuck you lady 

also the shithead kid learned a lesson and fixed the graffiti, good 

great ending frame on a deranged Mandroid

ALRIGHT SO THAT’S IT

I’m going to sleep now, will re-watch all of this sober once I have the time, just desperately wanted to see Tarantulas tbh LMAO and I do not regret it!! 

#cw alcohol #cw alcohol mention #es spoilers #earthspark spoilers #tfes spoilers #tf earthspark spoilers #spoilers #tfe spoilers #maccadam #maccadams

[andvys]

So I have a question about something I guess personal but idk how you would describe it. So I know in your bio it says you are 25, well, so am I and I have a husband and a beautiful baby boy (who we named Dustin btw). Everyone in my family and my friends know that I am a HUGE fan girl and my husband doesn’t care either because it’s a celebrity or fictional characters and he said he doesn’t mind as long as i don’t physically cheat on him (which I never would). Well I recently got a different job in a big corporation office and I’ve been working there for about 2 months now. I am really good friends with a few people and everyone else I get along with. Well, on Friday it was a slow day and me and a few other people were all talking about just random stuff and somehow we got on the topic of favorite movies and tv shows. Well I was saying that in October, my husband was going to take me to GA (as we are not far from GA) for a tour of where ST filmed because my husband and I are a huge fan of that show (and plus our anniversary is in October as well) and I was saying that Steve was my favorite character and plus the guy who played Steve (Joe Keery)was very gorgeous as well. well this woman (we’ll call her Marg) she is probably about 35 or 36 (her and I aren’t really good friends and she is kind of snooty tbh) told me that I shouldn’t be obsessing over random celebrities because that will make my husband mad and then he will want to cheat on me. I told her that my husband and I have an understanding when it comes to stuff like that and my husband loves me very much and would never do that to me. So then, this mother fucking bitch says and I quote “well if he was my husband, I wouldn’t do that to him” like okay bitch we all know that your marriage is on the verge of a divorce and your husband would rather play golf then to spend time with you. They have 2 kids but she had her kids (twins) when she was 19 and that’s when her and her husband got married. I told her that she needs to focus on her own marriage and stay the hell out of mine. And she then said that I need to focus on my family and that my son doesn’t need a mom who is a fan girl as I am 25 and need to grow up. Then that’s when my other co workers stepped in and said for her to chill out that what she was saying was very uncalled for. My good friend (we’ll call her Jess) said not to worry about it and she said that Marg is just very jealous of anyone who has a good marriage and who is a great mom. I smiled and said yeah I guess you are right. But that whole day and this whole weekend I have been dwelling over it because it’s in the back of my mind of what if my husband cheats on me or what if my son grows up to hate me?

I haven’t told my husband yet because I don’t want him to worry about anything. I love my husband and son more than anything in this world and I know I am not 15 anymore but I am allowed to have a life.

Is it okay for me to still be a fangirl even though I am 25 and have a family of my own?

Also so sorry that this was long. I just wanted some advice and I trust your judgement.

Oh my god! This is actually insane! Marg seems like a miserable lady, who wants to spread nothing but negativity and take away the joy and fun in other people's lives.

Why should a celebrity/fictional crush make your husband want to cheat?! That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I'm sure your husband doesn't mind you a being a fangirl, Jesus.

Also, 'your son doesn't need a mom who is fangirl' what 😭 she is trying to make you feel guilty and again, she's trying to take away the joy in your life.

There is nothing wrong and there is nothing childish about being a fangirl, there is no age at when you should stop being a fangirl. You can be 40 and still be a fangirl, that doesn't mean that you are childish or that you are a bad mom (what the actual fuck 😭).

Marg seems like the type of woman who thinks that just because you are married & have kids now, that you aren't allowed to have hobbies anymore. She's a miserable Karen and her opinion shouldn't matter to you at all. Fuck Marg, let her go live her miserable life and keep being the fangirl that you always were.

It's absolutely okay to be a fangirl at the age of 25 and older! My sister is 35, she has a daughter, she's a good mom and she was a fangirl all her life, there is nothing wrong with that.

You don't have to be a miserable old lady at such a young age. Keep fangirling, keep reading/writing fics for your favorite characters, keep buying merchandise. You are never too old to be a fangirl!

#andy’s asks

[lotusmi]

I continue to fear something outside of myself, I see myself as God, but I also see a God outside of myself (my family is religious), and I am afraid of that. I don't see a problem with having a religion, but that's something that holds me back and I'd like to break free, but I don't really know how to do that 🥺

tw: RELIGION TRAUMA + FEAR.

Hi my angel, your ask touches me so much because religion was the biggest trauma in my life. I was obligated to be in that, and yes, all the programation they put in us based in fear is one of the things i still can't forgive. My fear was to be punished and to go to hell, or be a sinner. What bought out of that was one day, the worst of my life, when i tried pray, begger "god" to take me out of that problem, as you can gues, it did not occur. In my rebellion i saw myself going out of religion and trying other ways to find peace. When i discovered astral projection and read thousands of astra projection storys, i knew hell was a lie. All of that. I read a lot of storys of people in astral realm and how religion manipulates people. I also read about shifiting, religion denys that. Even though, there was a lot of storys of people who shifted. I also went on spiritual readings and there was also a lot of church secrets on hinding a lot of things. I was pissed up, how could they fake knowing all that? Still, I thought god was outside, reading neville is the biggest spiritual awakening ever: I AM. I AM, there's NO OTHER - still i refused to admit that. I look over my life... All i lost was my creation, all i suffered too. I used to imagine people letting me down, i saw myself as miserable and tried to find the cause. I AM the cause. I imagined my suffering and since world is the mirror, the world showed me that. Then there's CIA document on Gateaway project, they discovered shifting is real, we create reality. All this brain guys know it. Why they won't tell us? They don't want our freedom. We have been brainwashed to believe we can be punished, we are sinners, god would hate us and everything. Neville book's on scriptures are really gems on understanding this.

Where does fear come from? Who feels the fear? Fear comes from within, fear comes from the lack of love. Love is understanding. While lefting religion i would pray to god and say "I know you want me to know the thurth, because you are god and god is the good father, so I am searching for the thurth, and i will need to dwell in unknown waters" And i went on searching for the meanings of life with faith in my heart that god would like me to be free and understand the meaning of my existance.

Fear is a illusion, fear is no existent.

“You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.”

I guess the biggest mistake i ever made was to let people say to me what was real or what was thruth, because they don't even know what it is. What is a priest at the end? A man. What I am? I discovered myself to be god experiencing his own creation, and that's me. So i am the love of god living in earth, and i know my desires are his promise. So now i am free. Because I know i found the truly meaning of life: STAY STILL AND KNOW I AM GOD!

All you want to know is within you, ask yourself where does fear come from and change it's assumption. Move your state to love. I also recommend you SLADE's subs because they are so powerful and there's a lot of them about fear.

“Because of your belief in external things you think power into them by transferring the power that you are to the external thing. Realize you yourself are the power you have mistakenly given to outer conditions.” ― Neville Goddard

YOUR DESIRE TO BREAK FREE IS THE DESIRE OF GOD WITHIN YOU

#neville goddard #law of assumption #manifesting

[jennycalendar]

22 with xander/cordelia or spike/drusilla, whichever you feel more inclined towards <3

22. two miserable people meeting at a wedding au

"Why are you even here," says Cordelia. "What cosmic fucking mistake brought you to this wedding? Who the hell do you know here? This is a goddamn A-list event!"

"Hello?" says Xander, gesturing towards the dance floor, where the bride and groom are sharing their first dance, as though this clarifies anything at all. Off of Cordelia's look, he says, "Buffy and I hung out a lot in high school. I get an automatic invite to anything that involves any part of her family. If anything, me being at this wedding makes way more sense than you."

Cordelia blinks a few times. Buffy as in Buffy Summers? "Hold on," she says. "What part of Buffy's family is at this wedding?"

Xander looks at Cordelia like she's the idiot. She's gonna get him for that. "Giles is literally Buffy's dad," he said. "Why do you think we all hung out in the library all the time?"

"I don't know," says Cordelia. The goings-on of nerds were so totally beneath her in high school. Kind of still are now. "You were all antisocial freaks?"

"Who would seat me next to you of all people," Xander moans.

This is the part of the puzzle that Cordelia knows how to solve. "Jenny," she says, glaring at the only person she does know at this wedding. Decked out in a Cordelia Chase Original Gown, Jenny winds her arms around her new husband's neck and gives Cordelia a big smile from the dance floor. "This is exactly the kind of thing that she would think is funny."

"Exactly," says Xander. "God, they're the worst."

"Really the worst," Cordelia agrees.

"They just argue all the time and they can't agree about anything."

"They have literally nothing in common!"

"Hello, Xander, Cordelia," says Wesley with great relief, sitting down in between them. "I do believe you two are the only faces I recognize at this wedding, outside of Mr. Giles, of course, but he's otherwise occupied! It really has been quite a while--"

"LEAVE," shout Xander and Cordelia at the same time.

As soon as Wesley's gone, Cordelia looks towards him, half-smiling now that Wesley's gone and she doesn't have to deal with more annoying people than just the one. Weird thing is, when she meets Xander's eyes, he's kind of smiling too, so they have to both look away really fast.

He got kind of hot, she thinks. Not that he wasn't hot in high school. And that is not a thought she's ever had, ever. She is immediately scrubbing it from her brain. She is--

"You clean up nice, you know," says Xander.

"Go die in a fire," says Cordelia.

Her foot bumps against his under the table.

#fic #xandelia #i feel so normal about them i'm so normal #of course i had to set this at a calendiles wedding. who do u think i am

[grendelsgiggles]

Grendel Is Grenough

・❥・ SPOILERS FOR BEOWULF BELOW ・❥・

AUTHOR'S NOTE: hey guys i wrote this little fic because i couldn't help but feel grendel was misunderstood and i want to show that he is GRENOUGH (a combo on Grendel and enough... if you didn't know). i hope this can offer some insight on to what grendel was feeling during all of this... comment and reblog if you want part 2 with b*owulf's demise! xx

SUMMARY: while in the midst of his pillaging and slaughter, grendel stops to reflect on the memories that led him here. he questions the nature of god, the nature of himself, and ultimately ponders if he will ever be enough in the world that predestined and sentenced him to damnation.

WARNINGS: alternate canon, supernatural elements, trauma hurt/comfort, bad childhood memories, gore, violence, king hr*thgar,

WORD COUNT: 1k

.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·.

To say Grendel was accustomed to the darkness of the world was an understatement. He was darkness. A complete depiction of the word with the way he carried himself to the way his life was a bleak, colorless existence that plagued him--just as the joyful laughter from King Hrothgar's hall plagued him. Laughter, laughter, laughter--would he ever be free from the miserable plight his bloodline was cursed with?

He doesn't think so. God certainly doesn't.

Because God--God, don't get Grendel started on God--had no freedom in mind for him when HE made him descend from the literal bloodline of Cain--a traitor, the WORST kind of traitor, besides Judas but hell, we're sticking with the Old Testament for this one--and had the audacity to call him a fiend from hell. That's right a fiend. Wouldn't you be pissed too?

Anyway, after throwing his hair up in a messy bun, Grendel looked around his marsh. He imagined if he had a better marsh everything wouldn't feel so desolate. A bigger marsh if he was born from a different family tree that didn't guarantee damnation, one that didn't stain the palms of his ancestor's hands with red and guilt. And sure, Grendel knows it could've been worse. His mother could have sold him to One Direction or something, but being cursed with the name of Cain was definitely up there.

Grendel's black orbs narrowed when he stepped out of his marsh.

As I said, it's dark but not as dark as it was in the moors, so when Grendel's feet pattered across the field he didn't fear the darkness.

And when Grendel finally reached Herot, he felt the need to cry out to God in agony for these people have not faced such misery as him. Never had to go through what he went through during childhood (he was picked last for kickball by them... TWICE) or endure the trials and tribulations of swamp foot.

Unwilling to back down from the rage he's been running from for all the years of his life, he slaughtered. Slaughtered at least 30 joyful men before they could drop their pints. (A/N: He um... had a bad childhood? What else do you expect from him?)

And afterward, when Grendel returned to his moors with a half-smile gracing the corners of his mouth he laid on top of his twin bed, half-heartedly hoping that he caused the citizens of Herot DOUBLE the amount of misery he felt on an everyday basis.

But still... It wasn't enough.

The hole in Grendel's heart was left unfulfilled as he thought about the revenge he partook upon the kingdom that scorned him. He thought about how his mother always used to tell him he could be better. How he could be the one to rise up against the fate that was dealt to him but he was much too much of a coward to even consider it.

Well, not now, he isn't.

To mend the broken heart that Grendel was cursed to drag around with him for his whole life, he went out the next night and did the exact same thing. He slaughtered until their eyes rolled back into white and until some fell to the ground in fear just from the site of him and Grendel thought YES! YAY! FINALLYYYYYYY! because fear is now instilled in them just as it was from the moment Grendel was born.

But yet... It STILL wasn't enough.

So for the next twelve winters, Grendel stuck to this strict routine in hopes that one of them stuck. In hopes that one of them filled the void in his chest.

But every time Grendel was killed, he just saw a version of himself cowering in the middle school gymnasium. A version that pulled down on the too-small P.E. shirt as the Herot children left him to be picked last. Every time blood gushed from the neck of a mighty man he only saw a kickball hurdling toward his own face and THEN Grendel would jump from this act and pause only for a moment.

And in this moment, Grendel would reconsider.

But alas, he didn't want peace. He didn't want to provide the peace that had been afforded to his enemies. Wasn't he within his right? Weren't they the ones that that bided by the same God that made him an outcast?

If a death-shadow he was meant to be, a death-shadow he will become.

As a death-shadow, he would go from moor to kingdom, failing to salute the throne that was built atop his ancestor's failed lineage. He'd think back to the way they hated him and threw him against the lockers in the hallway. He'd think about the way they doomed him from the beginning. It pays to be on the right side of lineage.

And after a long night of killing, Grendel leaves Herot again to return to the outskirts (because even though he can reside wherever now, he finds himself returning to what he knows--because even though he's a death-shadow he's still a creature of habit). And after Grendel throws on an oversized band tee and crawls under the duvet, he's left with the same gaping feeling that can't be filled with the screams of his enemies. The same ache that's haunted him since he was a little Grendel, following after his mother with uncertainty and no Cain-infused hate flowing through his veins. The itch that will never be quelled by anything. By nothing because it was once again not enough.

ENOUGH, ENOUGH, ENOUGH!

Would it ever be enough? Will Grendel ever be... Enough?

[erikahammerschmidt]

I am so frustrated. I feel that I cannot convey to people what problems I actually have.

I do have problems. I have a very serious and life-crushing mixture of depression and anxiety and obsessive-compulsion and executive dysfunction that I am desperate to fix.

And yet, nearly every conversation I have with a friend or family member or therapist always gets boiled down to:

"You have low self-esteem." "You should be kinder to yourself." "You need to put yourself first sometimes."

And I can't seem to put it into words that anyone else can understand-- but I am bone-deep certain that this is NOT the problem I have.

And I am bone-deep certain that the efforts to address this problem are doing nothing for me, and are distracting from the real problems.

And every day I'm getting closer to A FUCKING BREAKDOWN, because I am nowhere near figuring out what I ACTUALLY need, because everyone else is focusing on self-esteem...

I've been re-reading The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which in my childhood was probably my first experience with fictional "representation" of depression.

In one character. Marvin the Paranoid Android.

Who was played for laughs, mostly, and had pretty much no good experiences at all...

And who was also very unlike me.

Because, along with my mountain of emotional baggage, I'm also capable of being fun, enthusiastic,  affectionate, loving, kind, respectful, empathetic, a ton of things Marvin isn't...

And yet, re-reading his scenes, I'm realizing his version of depression... resonates with me. Far more closely than ANY other portrayal of depression that I've ever seen anywhere.

For the single reason that he did NOT have low self-esteem.

At least, at no point in the whole story did I ever get the feeling that he did.

His view of himself, to me, always came across as... lofty. Superior. "Brain the size of a planet." In his view, he was the only creature who mattered. In any situation, no matter how much danger everyone else was in, his main concern was how miserable it was for him personally.

His view of others (humans, aliens, superintelligent shades of blue, gods, demons, other robots, sentient elevators) was always a hundred percent disdainful. They were all pathetic. None of them, with their tiny consciousness and their insignificant little worries, would ever be able to understand how truly horrid his own planet-sized misery was.

The descriptor "paranoid" was probably chosen just for the rhyme with "android." It doesn't fit him, really, since it evokes an idea of fear, and he is never afraid. Just grimly certain that everything's going to go wrong. Sure, he may be convinced everyone's out to get him. But he doesn't panic and scramble to protect himself... no, he just passive-aggressively groans that that's the way of this miserable world and he's going to have to suffer through it.

"Pessimistic" is a better adjective. Of course his expectations are perpetually low, because his opinion of everything in the world (apart from himself) is perpetually low.

He assumes all the other entities he encounters will hate him.

But-- critically-- NOT because he considers himself worthless.

Because he considers THEM worthless. Because he thinks THEY are incapable of forming an accurate opinion of him.

Unsurprising to him, yes. Expected. Inevitable. With such pathetic little brains, they can't help failing to recognize his greatness.

But still wrong, still another line on his endless list of things to disdain about everyone else.

Now.... in saying that I "relate to" a character like this, I'm aware that I have a hell of a lot of nuance to explain.

Of course, as I said above, I do not think I'm actually similar to this character in any more than a few, specific, narrow ways.

I do not disdain other people in general. I do not assume by default that their thoughts about me are wrong.   I do not always expect the worst of them. I am not convinced that they will always hate me and never want to help me. And when I do fear their potential reactions to me, it is actual fear, not grim resignation.

But I do have these few, specific, narrow things in common with Marvin, which I'll try to enumerate here.

1. I have a high opinion of myself.

- I don't think my brain is the size of a planet, but I do think it's an unusually good brain, with a large variety of rare talents.

- I believe there is ample evidence of this. I believe that without this evidence, my view of myself would be basically a delusion of grandeur. It's very high. When I read about people who are considered great geniuses, both historically and currently, I often consider myself equal or better (although my specific talents are rarely in the exact same fields).

- I am often very, very frustrated when someone else gets more recognition than I do, for what I consider the same or lesser level of talent.

- When this happens, I usually conclude that the difference in the levels of success was due to the other person having 1. better luck and 2. better skills at other things peripheral to the talent, like self-promotion and marketing.

- (I do not think these factors "should" matter, and I find it frustrating and unfair that they do, but I understand the mechanisms whereby they can make a difference.)

- I do not believe that anyone's success is achieved solely through "free will." I believe every choice that a person makes is because of what they want, and people cannot decide what to want.

- So even if a skill was built through years of hard work, no one can just decide to be (or not be) the sort of person who would choose to put that amount of work into that skill.

- And regardless of choices, hundreds of factors totally outside your control can affect what you even get the opportunity to do.

- So really, I believe success is pretty much 100% luck if you trace the cause-and-effect chains back far enough.

- I believe that the same is true for me, whenever my own success is greater than other people's. What I accomplish is the result of luck, too. The skills I have are results of luck: good luck that caused me, in whatever way, to be interested in those things AND to have the opportunity to practice them.

- I neither blame myself for my failures nor congratulate myself for my successes. I'm happy when I've succeeded, and sad when I've failed, but I don't waste time on hypothetical other outcomes where different choices could have had different results... because this is how it did happen, and it doesn't matter now.

- Any thoughts about what I "could have done differently" are focused on the possibility of similar future situations, and how I might be able to apply the things I've learned from this one.

- Basically:  

I think I am a very good, intelligent, and talented person.

I may sometimes be unhappy about things my past self did, BUT I think all of my past decisions were the best they could possibly have been for the person I was at the time.

I understand, to some degree, based on the workings of the world and the workings of my mind in the past and present, why I have not achieved as much as I want to.

And I don't lay the blame on myself ...but I do get extremely frustrated thinking about it.

2.  I do, often, focus more on the negative than the positive.

- Not in a miserable, hopeless way, usually. Just in a common, human way...  born of the evolutionary fact that survival depends on our brains identifying problems that need solutions, not identifying happy truths that require no change.

- I don't exactly choose to have this focus. It's just what comes naturally to me.

- But I am aware of a certain sense of safety in it. If my expectations are grim, I am more prepared for possible adversity, and I'm more likely to be pleasantly surprised than disappointed.

3. And yes, often this focus on the negative means I end up concluding that other people are unlikely to appreciate how great a person I am.

- Well, it's more complicated than that, actually.

- I have very complex, contradictory feelings and expectations about other people's appreciation of me.  

- This is probably part of the root of my problems, in some way or another.

- Part of me expects that anything I'm proud of doing will be immediately admired by everyone else who sees it. For instance, if I post a clever thing online, I actually do often expect the best, instead of the worst.

- My opinion of my idea is so high, in these moments, that I'm sure I'm going to get a ton of comments and shares and likes... and then I feel angry and disappointed if that doesn't happen.

- In these moments of anger and disappointment, I mostly feel frustrated with "the system," for example the social media algorithm that I suspect didn't show my post to enough people, who, of course, would have liked it if they saw it. (In those moments I'm not quite capable of believing that anyone else could genuinely not like what I created.)

- If I do get a post that goes semi-viral, or a good review on one of my books, or a lot of admiration of the wares I'm selling at a local craft fair, or some other recognition for my talent... I respond to it a bit like an addictive drug.

- The initial feeling will be satisfaction, contentment: a feeling of "Yes, finally! This is the right way for people to treat me. They're properly recognizing how great I am.  I'm pleased with this."

- It will feel deserved and needed, but also long-awaited-- like eating good food after being hungry a long time.

- My mood will get happy, giddy, bouncy. My replies to people will be cheerful, friendly, appreciative.

- But there will be an addiction-like craving for more. If a certain level of recognition continues long enough, I'll begin perceiving it as the baseline, getting no more pleasure from it, and feeling satisfied ONLY when there are spikes of attention that go above that baseline.

- For instance, if my viral tweet is getting Likes every minute and Retweets every hour, they stop being enough, and I only get the spike of happiness if I see an actual admiring comment.

- Then, when the engagement goes down, my mood will crash. Either I manage to get myself out of the situation where I'm desperately waiting for more praise, or I'll just stay there, getting more and more frustrated and disappointed.

- Sometimes I'll make further attempts to do praiseworthy things, and the attempts look more and more like desperation.

- I think this was part of why, as a teen and young adult, I had so many episodes of absurd hyperactive behavior whenever I was in a social setting.  Once I'd tasted the satisfaction of impressing others with a clever insight or a funny joke, I would keep trying to recapture that feeling, and my "jokes" would become more and more bizarre as I got more desperate for the next hit of recognition, eventually spiraling away from my self-control.

- Part of the contradiction in my feelings is that I do feel a visceral sense of "injustice" or "unfairness" or "I deserve better" when I'm not getting praise and recognition...

- and yet I don't, really, believe in the concept of "deserving."

- I believe there are needs and wants that should always be satisfied as much as possible for as many people as possible... not because they deserve it, but because it increases their happiness, and striving for the greatest happiness of the most people is... well, it's not perfect, but it's the closest thing I can imagine to a definition of "good."

- I think, in a better world, there would be basic rights that no one would have to earn by succeeding at anything. There wouldn't be discussions of whether they deserved it. These would include all things necessary for survival (and no one would have to earn them by proving they couldn't work for them, either).

- Work would be for making extra money, for luxuries. Employers would have to make sure the jobs they offered were tolerable enough that people would choose to do them without the threat of starvation otherwise.

- Punishments would also never be given on the basis of someone deserving them. They'd be designed with the goal of deterring crime and, when possible, rehabilitating criminals and removing any reason they'd commit further crimes.

- I know there are tons of gaps in this sort of plan, and tons of ways that, even within such a system, not everyone would be safe or happy. But I think we could have a lot more people safe and happy than we have now.

- And I think part of the reason our society won't accept anything like this, even though it could make nearly everyone's life better, is because too many people still believe in the concept of "deserve," and would rather be unhappy than see other people be happy who don't "deserve" to.

-Anyway, to bring this back to my own feeling of "deserving better"... I think it could also be described as a feeling of... "unsatisfied needs, in a society where others have the same needs satisfied, supposedly as a reward for their success at doing something... which I believe I've succeeded at too, equally or better, and yet I am not getting my own needs satisfied."

- I guess I can believe in "fairness and unfairness" without believing in "deserving." I think that in a fair world, almost all of us could get what we want. But when the world tells us that getting things is dependent on what we do... and yet I see others doing less and getting more... that triggers a very deep sense of "unfair."

- But I'm also aware of my hedonic treadmill. I know that even when I do get things that make me happy, my threshold for happiness just grows. I know that if I found a way of increasing the amount of attention I get for my creative work, that would not, in itself, cause me to be sustainably happy.

Still, I do think there are things I could do in my life that would increase my overall amount of long-term happiness.

Most of my difficulty happens when I'm pursuing such things.

The "low self-esteem" idea keeps coming up whenever I talk about how intensely uncomfortable I can be with the idea of standing up for myself, asking for things I want and need.

"You go to so much trouble to avoid doing anything you think might upset someone else."

"Yeah, that's a fear that I am trying to..."

"Why do you never put yourself first? Don't you think you deserve that? Can't you be kind to yourself?"

And I explain that I DO want things for myself -- want them desperately, because I SHOULD HAVE THEM -- and what's holding me back is NEVER any sense of not-deserving.

It's just this intense, overwhelming fear of conflict.

When I ask for something --or when someone else asks me for something --THAT'S when my emotions begin to react as if I'm expecting the absolute worst from everyone else.

Asking for something, no matter how much I need it... or refusing someone else's request, no matter how outrageous it is...  those are two of the absolute hardest things for me to do.

They generate outright panic.

I will resign myself to many highly unpleasant things before I'll even consider either of those.

Often I don't even know WHAT I'm afraid that others will do or say-- but even so, it's a fear strong enough to outweigh any of my desires for good things.

I want so very, very badly to find out how to overcome this fear.

I know it isn't rational.

I know it's in the way of lots of things that I need and want.

Things I SHOULD HAVE, because I am JUST as good as the people who already have them. Or better.

It's not FAIR. I am FURIOUS that I can't overcome it yet.

But always, always, therapists keep telling me that overcoming this fear has to begin with... caring more about myself.

But I do care about myself. Plenty.

I don't think I could care any MORE about myself without becoming some megalomaniac supervillain.

I am absolutely certain that's NOT WHERE THE PROBLEM IS.

AND I CAN'T FIX THE PROBLEM, EVEN THOUGH IT'S KILLING ME, BECAUSE NO ONE WILL HELP ME LOOK WHERE IT ACTUALLY MIGHT BE.

Only keep looking in the one place I AM SURE it's not.

Over and over again.

Fuck.

It feels like I'm living in some weird dystopia where all the ice cream is kept behind razor wire, guarded by six jaguars, at the peak of a thousand-foot-high, freezing mountaintop.

"Why don't you enjoy yourself and have some ice cream?"

"It's behind razor wire. And jaguars. On a mountain."

"But if you can just get past that, you can have ice cream! Don't you like ice cream? Don't you think you deserve it?"

"I LOVE ice cream. I love it so much I never even feel guilty about eating it. I'd never EVER deny myself ice cream because of some weird desire to punish myself."

"But you ARE denying it to yourself! What are you punishing yourself for?"

"Are you listening? I'm saying that my love for ice cream is not as strong as my dislike for... climbing up mountains. And climbing over razor wire. And fighting jaguars."

"But it's your right to take a break and enjoy some ice cream! That's more important than some jaguars wanting to keep you out. They've got no right to do that! You've got to stand up to them. Why can't you put YOURSELF first, for once? Why do you hate yourself so much?"

"They... have claws. And teeth. And also there's razor wire..."

I don't even know. I say all this, but no one listens. They act like they heard something totally different.

I think it stems from people-- even therapists--  not being able to imagine what it feels like to have the fears I have. They can't imagine it, so they just don't believe me, or something.

And so instead of trying to work on the fear, they just... act like it isn't there, and turn to something else that they think ought to be the problem instead.

I don't even know.

The thing is... I am ENTIRELY AWARE that, even within that ice cream metaphor, it's likely that the danger isn't real.

Maybe I'm imagining everything I fear.

Maybe the jaguars are really just cuddly kittens. Maybe the razor wire is really a blanket fort, and it's not on a mountain at all, it's by a fireplace in a cozy living room somewhere.

Maybe getting ice cream is actually the easiest thing in the world.

Maybe I just need to learn how to overcome fear just enough to see everything the way it really is... instead of the way my fears make it look.

But I cannot possibly IMAGINE how this process should start with... "deciding to be kind to myself."

Isn't that what I'm doing already?

Going just by what I'm able to perceive, what seems real to me right now... the razor wire and the jaguars, and the pain that would far outweigh any pleasure I could get from ice cream...

...isn't staying AWAY from that mountain the ABSOLUTE KINDEST thing I could POSSIBLY be doing for myself?

Wouldn't learning to face my fears have to start with.... learning to be LESS worried about my own comfort and happiness?

In other words, LESS kind to myself?

Why the fuck can't people understand? I am TRYING to share what I'm actually going through. I am TRYING SO HARD to open up my inner world to others. I am SCREAMING my truth at them-- and they still act like it can't be the real truth.

WHY? WHY CAN'T IT?

Where the fuck are they getting this fixed idea of what's inside my brain?

This idea that's so stuck in their heads that it crowds out EVERYTHING I SAY about MY OWN experience, no matter how loudly and clearly, no matter how much evidence I have for it?

I'm so fucking lonely.

[hewholivesinhisname]

Secular Hell

People have this idea that it's god who sends you to hell. a place of eternal suffering. You know, god is this big bad emperor figure and if you don't do what he says he is going to punish you.

I doubt it, that's the secular way of doing things.

In the secular world, there is no particular center in authority. There's lots of people who all want to be more powerful and because they all want to be more powerful they all come up with the same idea:

"obey or I torture you"

I mean, there's also money of course. you can bribe people too, but money is really a measure of how much social power you have accumulated based on participation in the devil's system of rulership. Rome was this way and the church which uses Jesus' word is like this.

-forever wars

-social services that never fix problems

-everything running on money with huge concentrations of money at the top

-lack of responsibility for anything anywhere

-reversal of the

-breakup of families

-images instead of reality

-poisoning the food

-destroying the environment

-addictive products and drugs

-technical progress leading to bigger and bigger weapons of mass destruction.

-prisons and concentration camps everywhere

-land ownership based on slaughter of indigenous populations and charging people high rents just to have a place to live.

-building ridiculous and enormous vanity projects for the rich.

-Usury and government bailouts for the most corrupt biggest usurers.

-child sacrifice, secret societies which abuse children

-violent gangs everywhere

-celebration of "althernative lifestyles" where people don't have children.

-pornography and weaponized sexuality meant to make people so sex crazy they can't think.

-official looking bureaucracies that make life miserable for the poor.

-MKUltra and other tactics meant to try to create invisible slaves out of everyone.

-so many laws that no one can pay attention to them all.

Therhavee are churches out there who have endeavored to try to help the homeless for example, but the secular authorities. The secular authorities destroyed all my stuff. The local police and authorities shut down the house that

In the past, well you know, you can imagine that each ethnic group might carve out it's own little space and live in peace. However, as John Carter points out "on each planet it is the same, the population increases, disagreements break out and war tears things apart" In particular all the wars lead to the advancement of bigger and bigger weapons and worse and worse tactics.

In order to try to avoid being taken over and invaded by larger powers, many smaller nations are turning to nukes such as NOrth Korea which became the ultra-dictatorship it is today thanks to the twice being invaded by Japan and America.

No one pays attention to the UN. they actually have really good ideas such as everyone working in brotherhood and ending poverty. However, thanks to overpopulation and the unwillingness to police the money system or the rich, that doesn't happen.

Ever since I've been alive, there has been nothing but conflict, chaos and the promotion of things that should not be promoted. The police who are supposedly there to protect the people are some of the worst offenders and teachers are basically there to brainwash children into being obedient to the system.

However, there's a lot of effort put into making things look nice, at least on the surface and to make things feel good as well. "if it feels good do it", in the thomas covenant chronicles, Lord Foul has 3 "ravers" who go possessing people. There's maybe a connection, honestly between excess partying all the time and evil because of course that's what evil wants you to think life is all about. Partying hard and not thinking about the consequences.

Evil rules this world, but even if it didn't quite honestly there would just a chaos underneath which evil could easily spring as people don't really seem all that interested in forming cohesive moral communities that make sense.

What's worse is that people always seem to be finding ways of shifting responsibility over to something non-human and you get the sense that all this "singularity" stuff is going to be a shield for cerateing some robot or other which the authorities will establish for ruling over everyone while the ultrarich escape to some elysium like place where they can live in "heaven" while the rest of us suffer down here.

The truth is that everything about the secular world stinks. There are endless secrets, endless complications, endless cons, endless people trying to get the better of each other. Endless fighting.

It's always going to be this way and the reason is that there's no agreement about who should be in charge and why.

You an turn to god though.

Of course, it's hard to know whether or not I am god. I freely admit that. I have a sense that I am and Anastasia Egorova, Paul Duncan and William Ho have all said that it's true without me telling them. William later retracted after he attacked me and we had a falling out, but he said he found me by opening up his ability to sense auras somehow. Even I don't know how it works.

Even if I'm not though, you can always just find a guy like me or Kevin Annette or, really any preacher who are interested in creating some kind of political community. In video games you have old dudes who will give you quests. I'll give you quests if you want them and I already have a sense of how things actually ought to be rather than the shitty way they are. If anyone else wants to work with me on that, well bully for you. If, instead you want to follow the ultra-shitty way of the secular world that's your call but don't be surprised when you find out that it's endless hellishness.

I am god though and i know deep inside that everyone is meant to obey me. It's an inner sense that I can't quite get rid of and that this obedience is a based on a form of freedom from other forms of coercion which are endless if you stay in the current culture.

They will talk endlessly about "freedom" for instance, but then give you endless ways by which you can spiral out of control, perhaps with porn or drugs or movies or whatever it is, then offer a solution which puts you deeper into the shit.

many people probably think that they will try to get to "heaven" or maybe find their own heaven, but let me tell you, if heaven was a place, then it would be constantly at war in the same way that Israel and the holy land are constantly at war. It might be nice to occupy heaven or the holy land, but if you get it through force, it's only going to be more trouble since someone else is going to steal it from you by force. Heaven is not a place, it is a state of being that manifests around me naturally.

Your purpose is to obey god, the only question you need to ask yourself is how to figure out and find who the real god is.

#Hell #heaven #god

[ralucasalmostgone]

and tbh, I'm leaving something out of what I understood through my perception

because it's something that each party contradicts the other one when it comes to it, so I don't know how else to describe it to you:

so the family/parents thought they were being listened to and in control of me, when instead I just did whatever I wanted for 18 years! they had no clue though, cause I was sneaky as hell

when I cut them off, as a Lord (a little over 18) is because I had enough of their attempts at manipulating me through shouting and intimidation tactics: I had studied alone for 18 years - without their intervention - why were they suddenly intervening when it comes to my next studying phase?

that was my thing, not theirs!

but what they weren't saying is that they were obsessed with the money thing and what they could gain out of me

(and because I wasn't sharing about that...because they never asked about any of my studies for 18 years, why does it suddenly matter now?

Nela's plan has always been to ruin everyone's happiness around her anyway, for being miserable and pathetically narcissistic herself!)

they were getting increasingly angry and disturbing my time with their constant shouting

so I was like: "fuck you"

I mean...it's not like 1) I ever listened to them 2) they ever contributed to my pristine studying 3) they're not obviously out to destroy every piece of source of happiness that I may stumble upon; but now getting more and more desperate because of the distance*

*which I picked up on: so 5,000km away is the type of distance that can get you anxious control-wise, as a narc, huh?

anxious enough to keep screaming like a moron

---

so I cut them off

then they retaliated right after, I suppose! I never saw that because I didn't want to give them a 2nd look

and part of me knows for having perceived through the father's beastial perception that he blames my kind, that have a pretty apperance, for his penchant of thinking of himself as superior, for my kind is surely a whore anyway

and then part of me knows he'd justify his move this way: I'm just trying to prevent you from being a singular whore

with no evidence of the sort in my background! just his patterns of people!

little does he get...Andreea looks like the whore by now! he doesn't get it because Andreea's ugly in real life...yeah

but on camera

what did you do you, fat slob?

so I don't feel responsible over the father's vengeance against my type of people with my kind of physical apperance that surely are inferior faithfulness-wise!

no

even though I know this is his final argument

when you accuse someone with 0 evidence of their behaviour and you haven't actually looked at them and what they're truly doing for real, for whole years(!)...

you sure are condemnable to hell! 🙄

---

and his argument doesn't stand in front of someone who invented human rights

that is my body's safety they endangered twice in a row! 🙄

they are doomed and damned

I've never given them any evidence to think of me that lowly that they should mistreat me in such an obvious fashion!*

---

and through their evil attempts, they've turned their own ugly daughter into a whore

*and now that I think of it even deeper, I think the real motivation behind their behaviour towards me has to do with what they could gain out of my apperance and what is lost through it

monetarily-speaking

if I truly am a source of money and not shame, THEY should have some part with it, as a return investment

so I flipped them off that way - cause I don't own them anything

they owe me stuff instead AND BIG TIME, with interest!

and since they can't give me anything back including how they waste my time for years, they're fucked, royally fucked

okay?

nothing's gonna save this type from God's wrath, three times in a row!

[rogue--nation]

About Ana Reyes.

1. Fear of addictions. Ana despises drug addicts since they participate in drug war by consuming drugs. Demand creates supply. And as long as people snort cocaine and inject heroin, there's no end to drug trafficking. She sincerely hates cartels and narcos, she hates herself for being too young and blind to understand what her family really was. Her father was a brother of Sonora Cartel leader and they were organising the trade and money laundering. Ana never knew. She was kept in the dark. She was always told their family had some business, but Ana didn't know exactly what they did. Her father was very protective, he sent her to private school and cut all her connections to friends. She felt abandoned. And now, after the massacre, her life is miserable. She hunts down narcos, she serves as Matt Graver's lapdog, the Hound. She is already addicted to adrenaline and bloodthirst that comes with it. She never drinks, never smokes, never does drugs, because she will easily develop an addiction. Same goes for connections with people. Once something good comes in her life, she bites into it, never letting go.

2. The cycle and PTSD. She is caught up in revenge cycle ever since she was 16 years old. She has a list of people she promised herself to kill in order to get her redemption. And all the names are crossed out except for one – Carlos Reyes. The mastermind of Sonora Cartel. The man that destroyed her life. The Golden Skull. It was evening of Los Muertos when he and his men in skull masks have entered her home and killed her loved ones. The dead came to their house that night. After being violated and shot in the head, she survived. Ana still has nightmares in which she relives all the horror of that night. She hates the image of skulls, it triggers her and sometimes gives her a panic attack. She has troubles sleeping and has to take tranquilizers and sedatives.

3. People-pleaser and shapeshifter. Her life depended a lot on others around her, especially after she was taken in Witness Defense Program. She was in a foreign country all alone, barely knowing english, her fate was in the hands of strangers that knew exactly who she is and they despised her. She was put in foster family before finally being transferred under Matt Graver's guard. She had to adapt to hostile environments very quickly. After her own family caused the massacre and almost murdered her, she lost all trust for people around. She acts like she's friends with someone, or like she trusts someone, but she is always by herself, always alone. It's exhausting. But this very skill is what makes her undeniably god in covert operations and infiltrations. She is a good actress, she can shift accents and languages and be anything you want her to be. And she knows what you want from her almost beforehand, she reads that well. She switches from role to role so much, she has long forgotten who she really is. That's why she hates shore leave. Because the world around her fall intimidatly silent. And this silence is louder than all the gunshots and explosions she was through. It's deafening, unbearable. It leaves her a lot of time to think, to devour herself with thoughts.

4. Loneliness. She denies it, but she suffers from it. Specifics of her work do not allow her to get close with anyone, add trust issues to that as cherry top and that's what we get. No friends, no long-term relationships with anyone, not platonic, not romantic. She comes and goes, like a wind. She doesn't really know what it is to be loved anymore. Once she was loved. But it feels like a previous life, feels like it was someone else. She doesn't know how to say words of affection, how to be kind and gentle. She has forgotten how to do that. But if she develops strong feelings for someone, she would go to the hell and back for them, if they're ready to do so for her as well. But it's extremely hard for Ana to fall for someone. That person has to do something insane for her to gain her trust. Save her life, not because they need to use her, but just like that, because she is important for them. Unconditional love is what will make her fall for them. Why? Because all her life she wasn't perceived as a person, as an individual, but rather as a tool. She still is a tool, an instrument. A weapon. She is tired.

5. Stray dogs. On shore leave she goes back to her apartment in Bogota. She has this little hobby of feeding stray dogs in her area. Ana can't have a pet, since she's never home. Ana enjoys their company, she says that they're most loyal creatures. She herself is a hound. So, she says that she's like them. Stray.

6. Child. Deep inside she's still that frightened little girl that was wronged by adults around her. She has simply developed the armor to keep herself safe. But ever time she has to face her fears... She's scared to death. She has many fears: being helpless, being weak, being betrayed once she has finally trusted someone. Ana is an adult now and she's taking her revenge not just for herself, but for that little girl she was, and for many other victims of drug wars...

#ana reyes #inspiration