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baoshan-sanren · 1 year

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best cdramas I’ve watched since the last one of these posts in 2022 (and some I’m still looking forward to seeing)

Heroes (watch on WeTV VIP | watch on bilibili) Adapted from the novel "Shuo Ying Xiong Shei Shi Ying Xiong" (说英雄谁是英雄) by Wen Rui An (温瑞安) starring Zeng ShunXi, Yang ChaoYue, Liu YuNing, Baron Chen and Meng ZiYi. I would’ve watched this thing for the cast only. Everyone is queer vibes. Not a flashy drama, but will emotionally shred you. The character development is totally worth it. Throughly entertaining, even when it punched you in the gut. 8/10

The Wind Blows From LongXi (watch on iQIYI VIP | watch on Viki) Adapted from novel "The Wind Rises in Longxi" (风起陇西) by Ma Bo Yong (马伯庸) starring Chen Kun and Bai Yu. I’ve been waiting for this drama for two years and it was worth every second of the wait. The cinematography in this thing is bonkers. The use of light and shadows, the muted colors, the indoor shots opening up into well-lit courtyards, the gritty sound mixing, the whole thing just blew my ass away. Chen Kun and Bai Yu are masters of their art. Fckn masterpiece. 11/10

Who Rules The World (watch on WeTV VIP | watch on Netflix) Adapted from the novel "Qie Shi Tian Xia" (且试天下) by Qing Ling Yue (倾泠月) starring Yang Yang, Zhao LuSi, and Xuan Lu. One of the rare romance dramas that really appealed to me. A well-balanced mix of court intrigue and martial world heroics. Unlimited blorbo potential. It’s hard to outshine Yang Yang (who gives major Mei Changsu vibes through like the first third of the drama) but Zhao LuSi and Xuan Lu together? Magnificent. Breathtaking. Brilliant. 8/10

The Legend of Hao Lan (watch on iQIYI VIP | watch on Viki | watch on tubi) starring Wu Jinyan and Nie Yuan. So this was like, The Story of Yanxi Palace cast, remixed. Was it great? Not really. Did I watch every episode? Yeah. I honestly think that Wu Jinyan could just make faces for 50+ sixty minute episodes, and I’d still watch every minute of it. Still, a fascinating take on the Warring States Period, and actually based on a woman who helped her son become the King of Qin, then ultimately the First Emperor of China. I think 99% of the budget went to costumes, and tbh, it was totally worth every penny. 7/10

(yeah, after all this, I rewatched Nirvana In Fire again)

The Silent Criminal (watch on Apple TV | watch on Bilibili | watch on iQIYI VIP | watch on Viki) starring Li Jiaming and Wen Sheng. So incredibly gay. Hilarious, yes, but predominantly gay. Murder, intrigue, suspense, pining; this little drama literally has everything. Did it impact my life and leave a long-lasting impression? Not really. But I was most throughly entertained. 7/10

My Heroic Husband (watch on Amazon Prime | watch on iQIYI VIP | watch on Viki) Adapted from the novel "Zhui Xu" (赘婿) by Fen Nu de Xiang Jiao (愤怒的香蕉). Starring Song Yi and Guo Qilin. Actually, the majority of Joy of Life cast is in this drama, including a cameo by Zhang Ruoyun in the very beginning. Cast aside tho, I fckn love this drama to pieces. Song Yi and Guo Qilin have amazing chemistry, and they’re so goddamn adorable together I can’t even stand it. The plot is far from complex but immensely satisfying. Excellent drama on a mediocre budget, one I plan to regularly rewatch. 8/10

Still waiting on:

Immortality - based on danmei novel The Husky and His White Cat Shizun by 肉包不吃肉 starring Chen Feiyu and Luo Yunxi (you can think I’m a clown but you’d be wrong bc I’m a wholeass circus)

Winner Is King - based on the danmei novel Sha Po Lang by Priest starring Tan Jianci and Chen Zheyuan

Step By Step Lotus - based on historical novel Return to Ming Dynasty as Prince by 月关 starring Zhang Binbin and Luo Yunxi

Eternal Faith - based on danmei novel Heaven Official’s Blessing by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu starring Zhai Xiaowen and Zhang Linghe

Joy Of Life Season 2 - based on wuxia novel of the same name by 猫腻 starring Zhang Ruoyun and Li Qin

A League of Nobleman - based on danmei novel The Society of Four Leaves by Da Feng Gua Guo starring Song Weilong and Jing Boran

Flying Phoenix - based on danmei novel of the same name by 風弄 starring Dai Jingyao and Shu Yaxin

The Story of the Bat - based on danmei novel Bat by Feng Nong starring Mao Zijun and Zhang Yao

The Longest Promise - based on xianxia novel Zhu Yan by 沧月 starring Xiao Zhan, Ren Min, and Zhang Yunlong

Song of The Moon - based on wuxia novel 奔月 by 蜀客 starring Zhang Binbin and Xu Lu

Story of Kunning Palace - based on the the web novel 坤宁 by Shi Jing starring Bai Lu and Zhang Linghe

Under the Microscope - based on the novel 显微镜下的大明 by 马伯庸 starring Zhang Ruoyun and Qi Wei

Till the End of the Moon - based on the web novel 黑月光拿稳BE剧本 by Teng Luo Wei Zhi starring Luo Yunxi and Bai Lu

#cdrama #cdrama recs #long post #m

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nocoastposts · 4 months

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taylorzakharperez

故事結束了

Port China Magazine

Photographer: @juliannn_song

Editor: Guo Ai

Director: Taire

Videographer: Yi, Taire Video Assistant: Liu Xin

Light Assistant: Xu Li Zhou

Video Editor: A Chen

Video Color Editor: Yi

Stylist: Eddy

Hair: Zhou Xue Ming

Makeup: Beata

Prop: Young-z (AZIOFSTUDIO)

Production: Shui Yan

Prop Assistant: WEN & Ulysses (AZIOFSTUDIO)

Photography Assistant: Madame Dai

#taylor zakhar perez #tzp #port magazine #never getting over this

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oddnub-eye · 3 months

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Fanservant Profile: Cao Cao

“Cao Cao. Rider. I don’t feel like bothering with any courtesy shit, so don’t even think of calling me Mengde. Now, mind introducing yourself?”

Cao Cao - The Hero of Chaos

Class: Rider

True Name: Cao Cao

Gender: Male

Source: Chinese History

Region: China

Alignment: Lawful Evil

Height: 182.88cm

Weight 75.7kg

Parameters

Strength: C

Endurance: B+

Agility: C

Mana: C

Noble Phantasm: A

Luck: A+

Class Skills

Riding B

It was often for generals of the Three Kingdoms period to lead their armies into battle themselves, and they often did this from horseback. Cao Cao often joined his forces on the battlefield (albeit not to the extent of the likes of Sun Ce or Lu Bu), so he possesses a high rank in this skill.

Magic Resistance C-

While Riders typically possess reasonably admirable levels of magic resistance, due to Zhuge Liang’s use of magic contributing to many of Cao Cao’s defeats, Cao Cao’s rank in this skill is lowered. He can defend against all magic lesser than Greater Rituals, but cannot truly nullify it like those whose magic resistance is unhampered.

Personal Skills

Charisma A+

Although he may not have been the greatest warrior, the greatest statesman, or the greatest strategist, Cao Cao was undoubtedly the greatest leader in the Three Kingdoms era, perhaps in all of Chinese history. His charisma borders on the supernatural, and all who fight for him will gain a great boost to their abilities.

Tactics B

Cao Cao was a great leader, and often directed his troops on the battlefield. He was deeply read on military strategy, so even if he was not as excellent a strategist as some of his contemporaries, he can still direct forces expertly.

Hero of Chaos A

A hero who excels in chaotic, unpredictable times. This acts as something akin to an “overcharged Instinct” skill. While it does not work as well as Instinct in a direct battle, in terms of managing his resources, positioning, and intuiting the capabilities, positions, and strategies of his opponents, Cao Cao is unmatched.

In essence, this skill could be described as one that “allows the villain to remain one step ahead of the hero at every turn”.

Noble Phantasms

Cao Wei: Now Is The Time To Welcome HeroesRank: EX

Classification: Anti-Army

Noble Phantasms such as [Ionioi Hetairoi: Army of the King] and [Athanaton Ten Thousand: Immortal Ten Thousand Soldiers] can be described as “Noble Phantasms that summon Armies”, [Cao Wei: Now Is The Time To Welcome Heroes] can be described as a “Noble Phantasm that builds an army”.

Cao Cao’s army was infamous in the Three Kingdoms era. So large that not even Shu Han and Eastern Wu fielding their armies together could match it, so competent that it took a stratagem as ingenious as the Burning Ships to overcome it. Yet it was not merely size that made the army of Wei so formidable.

Talented people flocked to Cao Cao’s banner, perhaps more so than any other in the Three Kingdoms. For every Zhou Yu, there was a Guo Jia flooding the city of Xiapi. For every Zhuge Liang, there was a Sima Yi matching the man wit for wit. For every Zhao Yun, there was a Dian Wei fighting so fiercely not even death could stop him from defending his lord. For every Guan Yu or Lu Bu, there was a Zhang Liao routing an army of 10,000 with a vanguard of 800. For every Sun Quan or Liu Bei there was one Cao Cao hovering over their shoulders like an invincible king of demons.

And talented people continue to flock to Cao Cao. Those who accept his offer of camaraderie and accept him as their leader will gain all the benefits of being one of the men of talent working under the Lord of Wei. Servants will gain a rank in all parameters, and those who are not heroic spirits who agree to fight on Cao Cao’s behalf will gain the properties of one, their personal parameters being forcefully raised to a bare minimum of E. And should Cao Cao’s soldiers perform well, they will be rewarded, growing ever stronger.

Needless to say, this Noble Phantasm is horrendously mana inefficient, yet, provided it is given the opportunity to build up power, it will become a nigh unstoppable force of victory.

Such is the bare minimum expected from the greatest army in all the Three Kingdoms.

Personality

Ruthless.

Ambitious.

Evil.

A Demon.

That is the reputation Cao Cao has developed since the Three Kingdoms era, and indeed, within it. But only two of those are definitely true.

Cao Cao is certainly ruthless, and there is no denying his boundless ambition. But to call him evil would be a mistake. Cao Cao is no righteous paladin or holy king, but he is not despicable.

Intelligent, witty, and determined, Cao Cao did not win talented men and women to his side merely through power. No, it was his iron will, charisma, and dreams that led them to him. Those with potential were always offered a chance by his side, even if they were his enemies.

Heartless to his enemies yet always willing to make an ally of them. Knowing neither good nor evil, Cao Cao merely walked the path towards his goals until he could not anymore.

Motive and Attitude towards Master

Cao Cao treats his master roughly and as a partner rather than a superior. There is a sense that he sees himself as more deserving of the superior position, but is endeavoring to see you as an equal on purpose. This is something Cao Cao will try to maintain as long as possible, but should circumstances force his hand, it is likely he will try and take command rather than submitting to his master's will.

Cao Cao keeps his reasons for fighting somewhat close to his chest. If pressed, he will answer with token sentiments such as “conquest” or “to assert my superiority”, but there is always the sense that the Hero of Chaos is hiding something.

Historical Depiction

The Hero of Chaos from Chinese History, and founder of the State of Cao Wei. One of the most - if not the most - successful generals in the Three Kingdoms Period, Cao Cao was born in Qiao County (modern day Bozhou) in late Han China. He was rowdy as a child. Cao Cao was noted to be companions with Yuan Shao, and the two often got into childish mischief alongside each other -- such as abducting a bride from her wedding (they returned her quickly enough).

As he grew up, he entered into service both civilian and military, and once again, however, he frequently acted like a vigilante and shirked his duties, so few recognized his true talents. However, when Dong Zhou seized control of the capitol, that is when Cao Cao truly began to come into prominence. This initially manifested in an upfront and somewhat bullheaded assassination attempt, which failed, causing Cao Cao to flee the capital alongside a man known as Chen Gong.

Eventually, Cao Cao joined up with the coalition that had united to dethrone Dong Zhou, and fought in many battles on their behalf. Soon after Dong Zhou was slain, Cao Cao allowed some surrendering Yellow Turbans to join his army, beginning to truly lay the groundwork for his future dominance.

Soon after, Cao Cao would be the one the young Emperor Xian would fall into the hands of. While Cao Cao treated the young emperor well, it was clear to anyone who held the real power.

Cao Cao would pick up momentum quickly thereafter, winning battles against Liu Bei, Lu Bu, and Yuan Shu in turn. He and his army would play a tantamount role in the final defeat of Lu Bu, especially his strategist Guo Jia. After the defeat of Lu Bu, Cao Cao would set his sights on his old friend Yuan Shao.

Cao Cao’s conflict with Yuan Shao would culminate in the Battle of Guandu, where Cao Cao decimated his once friend, securing his position as the most powerful man in China at the time.

However, Cao Cao’s string of successes would end at the Battle of Red Cliffs, where an ingenious stratagem would see the united forces of Liu Bei and Sun Quan overcome Cao Cao’s forces, forcing him to make a brutal retreat back up North.

Crucially, however, not even the Battle of Red Cliffs was enough to dislodge Cao Cao, and he remained a giant threat looming over both Shu Han and Eastern Wu. In the year 215, Cao Cao finally dropped the pretense of working on behalf of the Han, and declared himself King of Wei.

Cao Cao died on March 15, 220A.D.

Bond 1

A man named Qiao Xuan once told Cao Cao, “Soon, All Under Heaven will fall into disarray, and only one with prowess like you will be able to fix it.”. Seeing as Cao Cao was still in the habit of shirking his duties, he only paid mind to the quote because it was a compliment.

“Just the rambling of some old official.” The young man grumbled, before returning to watching a passing group of women, endowing the most attention onto the most endowed.

That night, Cao Cao dreamed that he stood before a great sea of blood. It was churning as if it had just flooded, with its waves crashing like thunder. Cao Cao awoke from the dream with a cold sweat.

…

But then came the failed assassination of Dong Zhou, and the ensuing flight from the capital. After fleeing, Cao Cao felt the bitter sting of failure in his chest for the first time. His first time attempting anything of real importance, and he had monumentally failed.

That old official’s rambling burned in Cao Cao’s mind. The idea that someone had put their faith in Cao Cao and he had failed. It only grew worse as Dong Zhou burned Luoyang, as he and his armies looted, pillaged, and abducted women. In Cao Cao’s mind, these were all the products of his failure to kill Dong Zhou when he had the chance.

…

When next Cao Cao dreamt of the lake, it had risen to consume his ankles. Cao Cao awoke in a cold sweat, swearing that he would never fail again, that he would pursue the dream of a secure China flawlessly and without error.

And the Hero of Chaos was born.

Bond 2

Cao Cao established an initial group of supporters. Xiahou Dun and Xiahou Yuan, the powerful Dian Wei as a bodyguard, and Guo Jia to act as an advisor. His fortunes were high, and he even became the “guardian” of Emperor Xian.

Around this time, Cao Cao took over Wenchang, and stayed there for a while with his bodyguard Dian Wei to accompany him. Dian Wei was perfect. Friendly, strong, and loyal above all. Loyal to Cao Cao and his dream. Zhang Xiu, who had previously held the province before surrendering to Cao Cao, rebelled suddenly, and Cao Cao was forced to flee the city. However, Dian Wei was forced to stay behind to hold off pursuing forces while Cao Cao ran, and while the man fought fiercely, he ultimately died. Cao Cao wept at Dian Wei’s funeral.

However, soon enough dried his tears, and turned with a stern look in his eyes, “My only fault was that I did not earn the man’s loyalty immediately after his surrender. That is what led us to our current situation.”

Cao Cao left before Dian Wei was buried, and his soldiers admired their leader's steely determination.

…

When next Cao Cao had the dream, he was striding forward into the churning waves, the blood now staining him up to his knees. Cao Cao tried his best to ignore the corpse of Dian Wei floating behind him, face down in the crimson liquid.

Bond 3

Cao Cao had become invincible. The strongest warrior in the Three Kingdoms, Lu Bu, fell to Guo Jia’s strategies. Yuan Shao fell to Cao Cao’s armies, and Cao Cao’s old friend was soon claimed by illness.

Cao Cao neglected to mourn Yuan Shao. One should not mourn their enemies like they would their comrades after all.

He secured his hold on the north with ruthless efficiency, and crushed any opponents within his territory. Zhang Liao, taken from Lu Bu’s armies, had replaced Dian Wei as Cao Cao’s strongest warrior. Guo Jia had passed from illness, regardless of Cao Cao’s efforts to save him, but it was fine -- for Cao Cao had more strategists than any other working under him.

Not to mention, Cao Cao was a talented strategist himself.

All that remained was to crush Liu Bei and Sun Quan, and finally China would be united. Finally, China would be at peace.

…

Cao Cao had walked so far into the waves they were beating against his chest now. The Hero of Chaos was surrounded by as nearly as many corpses as he was blood. The corpse of Dian Wei was still recognizable, but it had been joined by the corpses of Yuan Shao and Guo Jia. They swirled among a new infinite mass of skeletons - skeletons of those who had fought for Cao Cao, fought against Cao Cao, those caught in the crossfire.

Although their bones were still stark white, Cao Cao could only see the red bloods churning.

Bond 4

Cao Cao was not invincible. He had lost at Red Cliffs, and never bothered attempting to conquer Shu Han and Eastern Wu again. Better just to shore up his defenses and manage his state as best he could. He made it official that he was in charge, and his sons competed for the title of heir (it was never in any doubt that Cao Pi would win). It would help that Cao Pi was close with Sima Yi, a rising star within Cao Cao’s ranks. Cao Cao saw the ambition in Sima Yi’s eyes, an ambition much like his own, and he knew the strategist would not be content to simply aid Cao Cao’s family.

It mattered not though. Cao Cao simply continued to put the right people in the right places, doing everything to keep things as organized and efficient as possible. He made sure his officers were talented, he made sure his scholars never lazed about, and he made sure his army was the most well trained there was. For a brief period, for an amazing, brief period, Cao Cao could think he at least had brought “perfect peace” to his corner of China, even as the signs that it would not last built around him.

But he could do nothing but maintain his peace while he could.

The Hero of Chaos did all he could to maintain his peace until he couldn’t.

Bond 5

For one final time before everything turned black, Cao Cao found himself in the sea of blood. It was still and he was floating atop it. The countless skeletons floated around him. Although Cao Cao refused to turn his head, he could see Yuan Shao, Dian Wei, Guo Jia, Cao Ren, Xiahou Dun, and Xiahou Yuan floating alongside him, face down while he was face up. He knew that Sima Yi and Zhang Liao and Cao Pi were standing at the edge of the blood red sea. Some waded into it, some swam towards the center where Cao Cao lay.

Cao Cao lazily lifted a hand towards the sky.

Why would anyone be swimming towards him?

His forces were not held together by brotherhood like Shu Han, nor by family like Eastern Wu. Cao Cao had always thought they were held together merely by the force of his dream.

He had done all he could to ensure they would not need him.

So it must not be him they’re attached to.

It was not.

They treasured the idea the Hero of Chaos espoused and the dedication he pursued it. They treasured the unwavering soul that won them battles, the almighty spirit that saw them through the chaos.

Or perhaps they had valued Cao Cao. Perhaps they had seen him as more than just an ironclad dream worth fighting for.

It didn’t matter.

Because Cao Cao had only ever seen himself as an ironclad dream. And an ironclad dream can only see everything else as a vehicle to achieve itself.

What a foolish man, this Hero of Chaos. What a foolish man, this Cao Cao.

Cao Cao found himself no longer reaching towards the sky, but towards the bottom of the bloody sea. He was not merely face down like everyone else, but actively sinking.

For the last time, Cao Cao smiled. A fitting fate if he could ever think of one.

The Hero of Chaos shed a tear as his fingertips brushed the pitch black seabed that began to engulf him.

I think, only if just once, I’d like to live like that fool Xuande. I’d like to return the affection of those who fight with me honestly. I want to share my dream as a friend, not as a ruler.

Yeah, dreams are best shared at dinner tables, not in feasting halls…

Relationships

Iskandar

A man Cao Cao gets along with as a fellow conqueror. However, they do not get along as well as one might expect. While Cao Cao claims it's just from the incompatibility that comes with each of them trying to convince the other to join their armies, a flash of jealousy can be seen in Cao Cao’s eyes whenever Iskandar speaks of his Noble Phantasm.

Sima Yi/Reines

Cao Cao is puzzled as to why Sima Yi chooses to manifest as a pseudo-servant, but has resolved to not press the issue too much. Instead, he has decided to take advantage of Sima Yi’s choice in vessels to tease them both in retribution for Sima Yi overthrowing Wei to replace it with Jin.

Zhuge Liang/Lord El-Melloi II

Cao Cao has nothing to say to Shu’s Top Strategist. Their states are long gone and their rivalry long rendered meaningless. That does not mean Cao Cao entertains being friendly with the strategist or his host, so he ignores them.

Chen Gong

Although Chen Gong’s dying words once shamed Cao Cao, Cao Cao enjoys taking digs at Chen Gong wherever he can, particularly regarding Chen Gong’s final defeat, and how much better utilized Zhang Liao was under Cao Cao than Chen Gong. Their verbal duels are mostly on even ground, but Cao Cao finds himself on the backfoot just often enough that he has to invoke the “Well, I won and you died” card more often than he’d like.

#fate grand order #fgo #fanservant #fanservant; cao cao

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its-not-a-pen · 1 year

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1460th day as the prime minister of han and you are the enemy general at my mercy. since your absolute loser of a liege lord is MIA you agree to work for me until he returns and in exchange i agree not to raze your city to the ground and put every rebel to the sword. i hope this magnanimous gesture will convince you of my good intentions.

1461st day as the prime minister of han in order to knock you down a few pegs i try to sabotage your integrity by making you share a room with your loser liege lord's two wives but you just stand outside the door all night with a candle and aren't tempted at all. (i am honestly baffled, as far as i'm concerned other people's wives are utterly irresistible.)

1462nd day as the prime minister of han, my advisor tells me it's easier to catch flies with honey so i begin plying you gifts and pretty serving girls but you keep sending them to your loser liege lord's wives. instead of passing the evening with me engaged in gentlemanly conversation, you spend long hours drying their tears and reassuring them their loser husband is safe. i can't say i'm not annoyed by the snub but your filial piety is commendable

1463rd day as the prime minister of han and even with my considerable intellect, i cannot understand why a man of your skills would chose to serve such an unworthy master. that sanctimonious sandal-weaver has lost nearly every battle he's fought (most of them against me), yet heroes still flock to his cause and peasants aid him at every turn. how does he inspire such loyalty?

1464th day as the prime minister of han, i definitely will not be throwing you an extravagant banquet every day because that's just desperate! i'm only throwing them every fifth day and small ones every third day. do you not like the silk-and-gold robes i've been sending you? you can speak plainly, general, i wont be offended. do they not fit? i must see for myself, please disrobe--

1465th day as the prime minister of han and you finally join me for a drink. i've forgotten how nice this is, in between fighting bandits, quashing rebellions and running 1/3 of a country i've not had much time to myself. the wine loosens your tongue and you talk about brotherhood, sacrifise and sacred oaths in a peach garden, things i've heard about but never seen, like the qilin and other such fantastical beasts but you're so sincere i can't even bring myself to scoff at you. i've lived my entire life looking over my shoulder; better to betray than be betrayed, that's my motto. i've never known anything else.

1466th day as the prime minister of han and i give you a silk bag to protect your long, handsome beard after you made an offhand comment about the whiskers getting brittle in winter. the emperor himself remarked upon it and even though you were humble and self-effacing as always, i preened. it pleases me that you look so well under my patronage, yet your eyes are so troubled. i must not be doing enough, time to consult my advisor again...

1467th day as the prime minister of han i noticed your green battle-coat was threadbare so I fashioned a replacement made of the rarest brocade but you only ever wear it under the old coat loser liege lord gave you because having a piece of him around eases your heart. i don't even have a clever quip for that. although in hindsight i should have expected this turn of events given your utter indifference to that loser's wives and my pretty serving girls.

1468th day as the prime minister of han, i give you the fastest horse in the world and to my surprise you're elated, bowing and thanking me profusely. then you go and ruin the moment by telling me how grateful you are because it means you will be able to travel quickly to your loser liege lord when you discover his location and now i wish i'd turned that damn beast into glue. this is the first time i've ever seen you smile.

1469th day as the prime minister of han, a verse came to me during our walk through the woods; "the magpie flies south and circles the tree three times. where shall he rest?" i want you to stay. i want you to be mine. lead my armies and help me bring order to the realm, i'll raise you monuments and immortalise your name. alas, the bitter irony is not lost on me, i want you for your loyalty but your loyalty is the reason you cannot stay. if you could have been persuaded i would have lost my respect for you.

1470th day as the prime minister of han and news arrives that your loser liege lord is alive. my advisor tells me that you won't leave until you've repaid my kindness. i guess i better keep you away from the action and hope the next few months are boring and uneventful. in the meantime why don't you try on this new robe! no, i don't mind you undressing here--

1471th day as the prime minister of han and my city is under attack. you single-handedly break the siege and bring me the enemy leader's head. hospitality repaid, you ride off without a backwards glance and i watched the horizon long after you have disappeared.

4391th day as the prime minister of han. I trust you've been well, general, since we last met. I often dreamed that you would return to me, we'd sit under the trees and drink a toast for old times sake. As far as reunions go, the middle of an ambush is not very auspicious. Our roles are reversed, I am the bleeding hart and you are the faithful hound. by rights you should have delivered me straight to your master but instead you let me limp away. why did you do it my beautiful, foolish, loyal general? you know i will only cause you grief. this war will not end as long as i draw breath. this country cannot have three kingdoms any more than a single mountain can have three tigers.

-epilogue-

last year as the king of wei and i trust you've been well, general, since we last met...

notes under the cut:

It's a truth universally acknowledged that any funny joke on tumblr.com will be run into the ground.

this is a spoof of the 2nd Century Warlord by @romanceyourdemons

1/ Events are based on the historical novel Romance of the Three Kingdoms, supplemented by historical events.

2/ In 196 AD, Warlord Cao Cao moves the capital of China to his territory of Xu City with the Emperor as his puppet. His offical title is the General-in-Chief (大將軍) although I've gone with the more recognisable "Prime Minister". In 200 AD, Cao Cao captured General Guan Yu, who was serving under Liu Bei.

3/Book!Cao Cao is portrayed as a villain and his name is literally synonymous with the devil in Chinese culture. IRL Cao Cao was considered to be a wise and capable ruler. I've decided to bridge the gap a little.

4/ Cao Cao (and sons) were very influential poets, the line "the magpie flies south" is a passage from the Unnamed Magpie Poem, after consolidating power, Cao Cao encourages all the best and brightest in his kingdom to flock to his court.

5/ "I dreamt of you, general" monologue taken verbatim from the 2010 tv show. People in the han dynasty were battling demons and that demon is bisexuality.

6/ Book!Cao Cao does not actually think Liu Bei is a loser, he considers him to be "one of the only two heroes in the world". but my god, you can pry that alliteration out of my cold, dead hands.

#chinese history #ancient china #romance of the three kingdoms #san guo yan yi #history meme #cao cao #liu bei #guan yu #second century warlord adjacent i guess #i realise it's an incredibly bold move to spoof a popular post when the op is literally ur mutual #do you like stories that are 7/10 history and 3/10 conjecture and 10/10 batshit crazy? read romance of the three kingdoms!#the moss translation none of the other ones

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