#harper's awful struggle!!!

[bg-brainrot]

Failed Every Insight Check and Fell all the Harder (Astarion x GN!Tav)

Featuring: Astarion x Rogue!Tav

Series: Fits into Love at First Knife, AO3 link here

Companion piece to: Failed a Dex Save and Fell for You

Summary: After a few months of traveling together, Astarion has begun to experience some new feelings around you. After one fateful day in Moonrise Towers, he finally figures out what those feelings are.

Tags: Astarion POV, POV Second Person, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Awkward Fluff, tw: mentions of astarion's past and all that comes with it, tw: mentions of araj scene, Feelings Realization, Jealousy

A/N: here comes the awkward, fluffy Astarion figuring out his feelings Valentine’s special. He’s a hot mess, of course. (happy Early Valentine’s because I will be busy on Valentine’s) And thanks to everyone who voted for this one!

Word count: ~4.8k

Ever since your group entered the Shadowlands, something has been bothering Astarion. He hadn't noticed at first– or rather, had tried his best to ignore it. But, as time goes on, he’s finding it more and more difficult to brush aside.

It had started out small. An odd pain in the pit of his stomach.

What was that? he'd thought, holding a hand to his abdomen in concern. Perhaps he was just hungry, but it certainly didn’t feel like the ever-present hunger in his belly. No, that was a dull, continuous ache. This? This felt like something was weighing him down. Maybe I’m ill. I shouldn’t mention it to anyone, lest Lae’zel slit my throat in my sleep.

Besides, the pain didn’t happen often. He noticed it a distinct few times.

Once, when you first entered the Shadowlands. He’d just watched you bend down, hands plucking at something off the side of the cursed lands’ road. He thought momentarily that he ought to stop you, that none of you knew what could be lurking in its magical darkness. But that tinge of worry was promptly replaced by that same gods awful pit in his stomach. 

Because there you were, presenting your party’s cleric with your spoils. You were gifting Shadowheart a night orchid– had remembered that she mentioned loving them. You bore the woman’s wretched joke with a smile. Disgusting, Astarion thought. No wonder my stomach feels uncomfortable, what a pathetic little exchange.

Like everything that had bothered him in the last couple of months since finding himself free of Cazador, he decided to forget the feeling. Life is his to take full advantage now, why let something like that affect him?

Or so he thought until the next time the feeling made its return.

You had just arrived at the Last Light Inn as a group, found shelter through the Harpers’ well-established safe haven. Astarion was quite happy to be rid of the shadows, content to cozy up in an inn. He figured, if he played his cards right, you may even let him partake in your blood or ask for a bit of fun.

Then your party found Dammon. Equipped with Infernal Iron and one blazing hot barbarian, Dammon made magic happen in a matter of moments. 

Astarion was glad. As much as the group was a bit much at times, he understood Karlach’s struggle with her body all too well. She deserved this small victory in reclaiming her body. 

His feelings of genuine sympathy were short-lived though because a moment later you were wrapping your arms around the tiefling’s body. It was a test, of course, to see if Dammon’s fusing had worked. But there it was again, the feeling in his stomach. This time it felt twice as heavy, a lead ball in his guts. Maybe I should let someone know, he thought. This can’t be good.

But the sensation was soon forgotten as your group settled into the Last Light Inn. Old allies were in some miserable new states– requiring even more help, gods– and new acquaintances were made. It was all rather dull for Astarion.

The one time Astarion perked up was when you went head-to-head with the head Harper. He chuckled under his breath when you outsmarted the old crone, Jaheira. That’s right, Harper. Don’t mess with my protector.

Your first night at the inn was capped off with a bit of revelry: a game of Truth or Dare. 

Astarion could sense your reluctance to play. You’d been acting odd all day, stiff and awkward around him. He saw this as the perfect opportunity to tease you to the high celestial plane– in fact, he already knew what he wanted to ask you. “You are going to regret this so much," he'd said to you from across the table.

Then the game began, and the deep, uncomfortable feeling never left his core.

Each and every companion received your attention throughout the game, in one way or another. Even that damned smith, Dammon, was given a dare from you. And Astarion just sat there, not even earning a glance, his mood growing more and more sour.

When, at last, he was able to taunt you with his question, you were far too in your cups to give a proper response. He sat on your lap, placed there from one of Shadowheart’s dares, staring into your surprised, open eyes, wishing that he'd thought of an easier question for an inebriated version of you.

The group had shooed you both out of the game upon seeing your state, though Astarion didn't mind. He'd much rather leave the lot of them and tease you by himself.

Once you were alone, you answered his question. That he, Astarion, was your favorite and for all manner of incredulous, unbelievable reasons. He’d expected you to say him. He’d asked to hear your praise, confirm your attachment in the name of his plan to seduce you. All the same he was left uncomfortable, juggling the sudden and unabashed flattery. Being praised for his looks was one thing but for being… himself?

The feeling in his stomach grew. Suddenly his lungs felt it, his undead heart felt it. What in the sweet hells is the matter with me? he thought, as he helped lay your drunken, passed out form to bed later that night. He hadn’t felt a sensation like this before– he hated it. 

Then you reached out to him in your sleep, and he froze. Something about the touch quietened the pain under his ribs, and so he extended his fingers, gently touching your brow as you fell asleep. See? I’m fine, he assured himself. I truly am just ravenous.

__

He continued this way for several days in the Shadowcursed lands.

One moment, he was perfectly fine, hacking and slashing at a Shambling Mound with abandon. The next, he would look over at you, see you laughing at something Karlach said, and it felt like an iron ingot had made its way into his insides.

Damned tiefling woman. I’m far funnier than her, you know, he thinks, resheathing his knives with a little too much gusto. The sound of your laughter rang in his head for the rest of the evening, as if he were being driven to insanity by it.

The next day, you had fought a horde of Meazels. At first, Astarion thought the fight was delightful fun– the tiefling woman and the cleric kept getting teleported against their will and after his recent annoyance with both of them, he found it quite amusing. That is, until you found yourself garrotted, teleported as far away from him as possible.

He was on you in mere moments, ripping the creature off of you with his blades. It was almost as if he’d reacted instinctively and, as someone whose instincts typically led him away from danger, he found the sensation quite off-putting. Nevertheless, he'd freed you, asking, “Are you alright, darling?”

Astarion couldn’t remember what you’d even said because once he saw the marks the creatures left on you, the pit in his stomach dropped. Where there had been a heavy pressure before, there was now a sharp feeling. His eyes carefully trailed over your injuries, trying his best to focus on you and not the phantom pain building inside him.

You had been fine, nothing that a quick heal from Shadowheart couldn’t fix, but that feeling stayed in his stomach the rest of the day. It’s simply the Shadowlands, he'd thought. They not only play tricks on the mind, clearly they’re playing tricks on my body.

It was a few days later, as you helped the Harper’s deal with their lantern problem that the sensation shifted again.

Astarion watched, eyes glued to your form, as you dispatched the hideous drider, your twin blades piercing the creature in its most vulnerable spots. He’d seen you kill many monsters before, hundreds likely at this point. But something about the way your body moved in the Moonlantern’s glow, the way your face lit up as the creature’s body crumpled to the floor, caused the vampire to stop and watch.

This time, he’d felt the heavy sensation move up, somewhere just below his throat. He tried against all odds to gulp it away, but nothing seemed to work. We need to finish our business here and get out as soon as possible, he thought now, convinced it was the shadows warping his senses…

But as your travel continues, the feelings never go away. 

It’s a different pressure, it builds, it ebbs, it flows between his heart, his stomach, his torso– and each time he brushes it off. Stewing in these uncomfortable feelings, Astarion spends the week in a hazy mire, not unlike the shadows that surround you all.

Then your group finally infiltrates Moonrise.

__

Moonrise Towers, the seat of the Absolute and a once grand fortress. 

Now, Astarion can’t help but think it seems rather underutilized. Your group is walking along the empty parapets outside, which are woefully missing any sense of grandeur or ornamentation. “Darling,” he says, leaning into you slightly. “Don’t you think we ought to just kill everyone now and take the place for ourselves. Might be quite fun.”

You bark out a laugh, which he feels proud to have produced, and reply, “Maybe later. This is an infiltration mission only. Besides, once we defeat the Absolute, I’m sure there will be a vacancy.”

Astarion laughs back at you. Gods, he enjoys this. The way that he can say something that others would balk at and you will miraculously not only appreciate it, but also play along with it. Having fun with them is so easy, he thinks. And look, I’m still wearing all of my clothes! What a novel idea.

The thought is cut short when your group walks through an outside doorway into a room that can only be described as grotesque. Whoever works here clearly has some knowledge of arcana, if the ingredients and alchemical tools are anything to go by, but it smells utterly foul to Astarion.

It’s when you spot the drow woman hunched over a table in the corner that he realizes where the stench is coming from. Hells below, that woman reeks of something truly awful, he thinks, recoiling. He’d grown used to following behind you closely, but as you step forward to speak to the woman, he finds himself taking a step back instead.

The woman introduces herself as Araj Oblodra, a trader of blood– a rather poor trader, by the smell of it. She takes note of Astarion, who shuffles back instinctively, before you and her go about some kind of business with your blood. Astarion contemplates speaking up, shooing you away from her, but decides to stay back, as far away as he can remain without arousing suspicion. They can handle themselves.

Then, after the woman looks back toward him one too many times, he hears you snap, “And why are you so interested in my pale friend?” 

“Ah, yes. Perhaps there’s one more thing we could discuss,” she begins, her voice a dangerous drawl. “He’s a vampire, no? Or one of their spawn at least.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Astarion says, all-too-ready to fill his role. “We’re all friends under the Absolute. I won’t bite.”

“Oh, I’d prefer if you did,” she’s quick to respond. Her eagerness picks at Astarion’s nerves, and he raises an eyebrow at her. Araj doesn’t deign to give him another moment’s look though, as she turns back to you. “I assume he belongs to you?”

“Excuse me?” Your voice sounds offended– on his behalf, Astarion wonders? “He’s his own person.” Your words cause the feeling in Astarion’s stomach to flip, and, as much as he wants to come to his own defense, he finds himself quite content to hear you do it for him.

“I’m sure he really believes that. How utterly adorable,” she says with a snide chuckle. 

Adorable? he thinks, but he’s unable to interject before the woman continues to barrel forward.

The blood trader turns back to Astarion, face wrinkled with distaste as her tone changes to something a bit more confrontational, “Do you have a name, spawn?”

Her sudden shift in attitude, the proud tilt to her head, it all throws the vampire off balance as he goes to answer, “Astarion, b-but hold on!” Astarion holds up a hand to try to slow this woman’s tirade, all to no avail.

“Good. Now, Astarion, I’ve dreamt of being bitten by a vampire since I was a young girl,” Araj begins, laying out the scene for her request.

Too bad that the scene sounds quite ridiculous to Astarion. Surely he heard her incorrectly? “I’m sorry, you want to be bitten?”

The woman goes on a new insane diatribe– something about dancing with death– but Astarion can hardly be bothered. All he needs to know is that she’s offering some measly potion for being bitten and, gods, does he not want to bite this woman’s disgusting neck. Or wrist. Or really any part of her. “I will have to decline,” he says, with a gracious little bow. Your group is still infiltrating the towers, it wouldn’t do to tell Araj exactly how horrid she smells.

It’s entirely more grace than she deserved, that much is clear because she presses him again. Again, he refuses. “I gave you my answer.”

The drow scoffs, turning back to you once more, “Can’t you talk some sense into your obstinate charge?”

You, for your part, look confused. There’s a line of concern in your forehead as you look between the woman and Astarion, wondering what it is that you’re missing. “I’m surprised, Astarion. I thought you’d enjoy an opportunity like this.”

What?! he thinks, a sudden, sharp spike of anger shooting through him. He tempers his immediate rage and speaks to Araj with that same, false pleasantry she doesn’t deserve, “I’m sorry, but could you excuse us a moment?”

Astarion, not waiting for her response, pulls you aside, away from the drow’s nosy eyes and ears. Once you’re alone, he turns to you, his voice a hiss, “Are you actually asking me to do this? Trading me for some-some-some potion?”

“What’s the matter? Why would she be different from any other enemy?” you ask, leaning toward him.

Your voice is full of genuine worry, and some of his anger abates as he meets your eyes. Of course, they don’t know what they’re asking. How could they know? “Because there’s something wrong with her blood. I can smell it from here. Ugh, it’s rank.”

Now your brows furrow, and a sharp edge enters your eyes as you ask your next question, “What do you mean? What’s wrong with her blood?”

“I can’t say. It just smells… wrong. Unnatural.” His words sound pathetic to his own ears. 

Of course that’s not an excuse, Astarion laments. What am I even thinking? The potion is clearly useful. They are going to make me do this, and I may as well prepare myself. I’ve put up with worse after all.

So, he stands straight once more, ready to put on the performance of a lifetime. His tone takes on a resigned tone as he continues, “Drinking it wouldn’t kill me, but it would not be pleasant.”

You both hear a sigh from behind you. “I don’t have all day, True Soul,” Araj calls, impatiently.

Your eyes remain focused entirely on him, ignoring the woman’s irritated sigh, her entitled words. “Astarion,” you begin, and he takes a breath in preparation for your other foot to drop. “Don’t do anything you don’t want to do. And if she refuses to take no for an answer again, we’ll simply have to start our assault on the towers a bit early.”

The breath leaves him.

"Alright. Uh, thank you,” he says, feeling the tension drop from his shoulders. He’d been prepared to acquiesce, to do exactly what you’d asked of him. But this? This is something he hadn’t been prepared for. 

In a daze, Astarion makes his way back to Araj, putting on as polite of a facade as he’s still capable of making, “It's still a ‘no’, I’m afraid.”

“How very disappointing,” the blood trader says, shooting you both a disgusted look. She turns away in a huff, leaving your group alone to recover from the exchange. And leaving Astarion floundering in another new sensation.

Because once more, the feeling in the pit of his stomach has reared its ugly head– only this time it shoots through him like a bolt of lightning. He's not sure what it is, but it's stunned him into slipping off his carefully crafted mask. He turns to you once more, voice soft around its usual edges, "Thank you. I… appreciated that.”

"You have no need to thank me. It was always your choice, Astarion."

Huh.

The feeling sinks into him, settling deeper and deeper as you continue through Moonrise.

__

That night, you go to bed in your own bedroll, leaving Astarion to his meditations with a smile and a wave. It has been a long day for all of you, and it's clear from the way you take a glance back that you're worried about him.

Gods, he's worried about him.

After dealing with that vile drow woman, you'd all continued about the tower, ingratiating yourselves with even the most repugnant of creatures to appear faithful to the Absolute. But Astarion paid attention to almost none of it.

He'd stabbed when you told him it was time to stab, he'd joined your side when you called him to you, but his mind had been wholly preoccupied.

They didn't make me do it, he'd thought, as he unlocked some chest.

Well, isn't this exactly what I wanted? he'd thought, following you down some stairs.

Clearly they just fell for my charms, my masterful seduction, he'd thought, flanking a prison guard for you.

So why do I feel like this? he'd thought, staring at your back as you led the way before him.

Now, he lays here in his tent, staring at the fold of its ceiling in a rapt fascination he doesn't feel. The feeling in his stomach has stayed all day, tethering him to his thoughts with its continuous pressure.

When did I get to the point where I would follow them anywhere? Is their lack of self-preservation contagious? he asks himself, eyes narrowing in frustration. I shouldn't have gone into that horrendous tower in the first place. Then I wouldn't feel like this.

But he had.

And you'd not forced him to do so.

You'd not forced him to do anything.

They're a fool, an utter fool. I could have bitten that drow, as easy as breathing, he thinks, rolling his eyes at the thought. Close your eyes and push through, that's what I always say.

But did you want to? something in the back of his mind asks. 

Of course not, but when has what I wanted ever mattered– 

It may not have mattered under Cazador's grip, but it has always mattered to you. You're nothing like that evil man. You'd always been there for him, had managed to find trust in your heart for him, and had been genuinely kind to him.

The now-familiar feeling in his stomach seems to spread to the rest of his body, a warmth that doesn't quite feel warm. It bleeds all the way to his face and his lips curl up into an involuntary smile at the thought of you.

You– you, who had only ever been meant to play a bit role in the tragedy that is Astarion’s life. You, who had transcended your part, leaving Astarion contemplating every aspect of you in the stark solitude of his tent. 

Your beauty when you're covered in blood after a battle, the mischievous glint in your eye when you're teaching a child a sleight of hand trick– even when anger pulls your brows together and you're yelling at him for saying something particularly naughty. Each and every one makes his smile grow wider.

You, his chosen protector, are so much more than just that.

They are incredible. The thought comes to him unprompted, truly as easy as breathing.

His eyes widen in alarm, staring blankly at the tent above him.

The feeling in the pit of his stomach wasn’t an illness. Nor was it hunger. No. It was guilt. It was jealousy. It was…

Oh fuck, Astarion curses to himself. Am I in love?

Now that he has a word to the sensation, that the feeling is in his grasp, he knows he's right. He doesn't have a lot of experience with love, if any– he'd never had the luxury under Cazador's cruel gaze and he can't recall much from before that– but he knows he's right.

And hells does he wish he could crush the feeling in his hands right here and now.

Gods, you complete and utter imbecile, he thinks, hitting his head against the floor. You have things to do, goals to accomplish. They were only supposed to be a means to those goals, not a – a–

Astarion’s mind blanks as he thinks of you again, your charm, your wit, your damnable caring.

Not a companion. Not a friend. Not a lover. When did those late night trysts turn from an obligation, a part of his simple, perfect plan, into something more?

Even now, as he thinks of those nights, he brings a hand to his lips, recalling a night where you had simply stayed in his bedroll. You had kept all of your clothes on, as had he, and simply held each other as you fell asleep. Their kiss that night was delectable, he recalls, tracing the line of his lips, as if he could still feel the ghost of yours on them.

Fuck, he thinks again, dropping his hand in frustration. How could I have been so blind? How did I not nip this in the bud before it got to this disgusting pining?

But he hasn’t nipped it in the bud. The feeling has grown, unfettered, quick as a druidic plant growth, all unbeknownst to him. It has been nurtured by your attention. It has been watered by your kindness. It has become unruly in the safety of your arms.

Now what? he thinks to himself bitterly, wiping a hand across his face with a sigh. What use are these feelings when everything they were built upon is a lie? You are, after all, still playing the role he set out for you.

He considers overlooking the feelings, just as he has inadvertently done in his ignorance. It wouldn’t be of any use to tell you, of course. You could hardly feel the same way about him as he does you, and he’d rather not add another nuisance in the fight against the Absolute.

Besides, if he told you, he would have to fess up, explain his entire plan to you. What would even be left of the two of you after that?

But, he thinks to himself. Let’s say I did tell them. What could they possibly say…

“I was pretending all along too.” – gods, that would break him. That much is all too apparent from the way his undead heart aches at the thought, with a pain he couldn’t possibly feel.

“I like you, but not like that.” – maybe this was worse. Actually, it was definitely worse. He may never recover. His ego would certainly never recover.

“I have someone else that I love.” – honestly, reasonable. What did he have to offer you after all? A bloodthirsty master and the occasional snarky comment? He wouldn’t be surprised to find you in Karlach’s tent at this very moment…

“I hate you.” – he might be able to take this the best. You should hate him. He’d done nothing but lie and manipulate his way into your bedroll. Hate, well, that he understood.

“I love you, but…” – every single 'but' cut like a different, jagged blade. But we’re in danger every day? An excuse, surely. But you come with too much baggage? True, but not something he would be able to resolve. But I don’t want to be with a monster? Again, reasonable, but out of his control.

Astarion runs through scenario after scenario, each one playing with his own emotions in a new and horrendous way. In the end, he all but slaps himself out of it.

No, I cannot tell them. I absolutely must take this to my second grave, he determines, shaking the thoughts away with a few hard blinks.

But the feeling in his chest is more persistent than ever. As if giving it a name and meaning has given it a new, annoying life. He laments to himself aloud, "I may never feel like myself again.”

If this is what love does to a person, he wants no part of it.

__

The vampire didn't have a restful night's reverie, that much is apparent. His mood is foul, his body tense, and his eyes are trying their damnedest to avoid yours. 

No way, he thinks as you all set off for the day. I spun myself into a frenzy last night. Clearly. I feel absolutely nothing–

Then you turn back to him, concern lining your eyes as you address him. What had you just said? He had found himself somehow lost in your eyes, your lips, the turn of your nose… 

Shit, he thinks to himself. No, get back in control. You have only just reclaimed yourself, you can't lose yourself to something as cruel as love.

But, try as he might, his eyes can’t avoid you. 

All morning, he continues to sneak glances your way. Despite his roguish nature, he finds hiding his stares to be impossible. After all, you are the group’s leader. You are at the front, you are at his side, gods, you are everywhere. This feels like some kind of divine punishment…

You catch him looking, of course. And each time, he curses himself, gods, you idiot. You may as well broadcast your feelings to the world. And hells, how long have you felt this way?

Astarion tries futilely to act normal. This is just another day with the group in the Shadowlands. He’s not thinking about holding your hand in his. He’s not thinking about the way you look when you sleep. And, above all else, he is not thinking of your lips or the way that they move when you say his name.

Despite his inner turmoil, the world moves on. You lead the group through the Mason’s Guild, and you all manage to clear the place out easily enough.

The vampire thinks he’s finally reaching some sort of peace. Yes, this routine work he can do. No problem at all.

Then, you say something kind to Karlach, that infernally charming woman, who continues to support you at your side. Who, for all intents and purposes, should be the person who warms your bedroll at night, now that you can touch her. Not him, the man who can only make your bedroll colder. Who, even now, is avoiding your every glance.

Oh hells, he thinks, face dropping. The realization that he’s right is too much for him to bear.

Astarion stalks off, annoyed at himself and his thoughts, needing a moment to recollect himself. I can do this, he thinks. I can do this. I can–

“Fuck,” he mutters under his breath once he knows he’s alone. “You’re supposed to get over this, you stupid fool. Shit. Gods dammit.”

He hears your familiar footfalls approaching and freezes, his shoulders tense with anticipation.

You find him in a pool of shadows away from the others, and he can’t help but feel like a beast that’s been cornered. He’s certain his face reflects that, reflects every bit of emotion he’s feeling as plain as could be, but your patience with him has apparently worn thin for the day. Your voice is less kind than usual when you say, “Do you need to talk?”

Seeing the anger in your face, the way that your hands are placed on your hips in annoyance, he knows he can’t keep his feelings to himself. He’ll only continue to push you away, into the strong, red arms of another.

No, he thinks, in a panic. I should– I need to–

He needs to do something about his feelings, unwanted or not. Really, he needs to tell you, regardless of what your response may be. If not, he may regret it for the rest of his undying life.

Now that he is in control of his own choices, he supposes that means all of them, for better or worse. That means even the most difficult ones. This is one of those difficult ones, isn’t it?

So Astarion swallows his pride, his anxieties, his insecurities, and settles his fate.

“Later,” he says, barely getting the words out. He blinks, and tries again, pleading with you with his eyes, “Please, just come by my tent later.”

Later, I will tell them. Everything.

#astarion #astarion x tav #fanfic #astarion fic #astarion x reader #rogue + rogue #astarion fanfiction #astarion fanfic #astarion fluff #astarion x gn reader #astarion x gn!tav #baldurs gate astarion #bg3 astarion #astarion pov #astarion is bad at feelings #astarion feelings realization

[chimcess]

Waterlog || pjm (4)

Pairing: Jimin x Reader Other tags: Olympic Swimmer!Jimin, Ex Olympic Swimmer! Reader, Swim Coach!Reader Genre: Strangers to Friends to Lovers!AU, Coach!AU, Swimming!AU, HEAVY Angst, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, fluff, eventual smut, I'm so soft for these two it's crazy. Word Count: 11.8k+ Synopsis: After a car accident ends her athletic career, Y/N has slowly started rebuilding her life again as a high school swim coach. That’s until she gets a request from an old friend and finds herself back in the spotlight as the new coach of Olympic swimmer, Park Jimin. Warnings: ANGST, crying, mental health issues, talking about mental health, I'm so soft for them it's actually wild, best boyfriend Jimin, did I say angst????, past drug use, past alcohol addiction, past trauma talk, crying, anxiety, hand holding, touching as a love language, Jimin can't keep his hands to himself, he does try his best though, pining, sexual tension, banter, I love these two A/N: I know we're a couple of weeks late updating, but I've been very busy with moving so I haven't had the energy to write. I did a very quick edit, so this might not be perfect. I'm planning on coming back once I'm in my new place to do a full proofread. Hope you like the update!

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Hand clutching my phone, I sighed. All around me the airport buzzed with life. I had almost forgotten how hectic the Denver Airport was. A few feet away I saw a mother struggling to keep her children together while her husband scrolled on his phone. I must have made some sort of noise, subconsciously voicing my annoyance, because Jimin laughed.

“What’s going on, gran?” He teased, voice light. “See a couple of youngins on your lawn?”

I scoffed, tearing my eyes away from the family. “Just a shitty husband ignoring his children.”

He hissed, sucking in air through his teeth, “The worst kind of dude. Are you alright?”

Softening, I finally spotted my luggage on the conveyor belt. Twisting my torso, I did a light stretch and then quickly snatched the heavy bag up. “Not too anxious, right?”

He had been very worried about letting me come home for a visit. When I had originally brought it up he offered himself up for the job, but I was not a fan of that idea. My friends would definitely bring up our date and I did not want to deal with the awkwardness that would cause. Especially since we had yet to go on it. That would not matter to Hoseok, however, and the teasing would have been endless. Better to spare Jimin from their wrath for just a little while longer.

“I’m cool,” I replied, softening. “Just got my stuff from baggage claim. I’m going to let you go so I can call Andy.”

“Okay bug. See you in a few days.”

Harper had recently started calling me that, forgetting my real name and not caring enough to ask for it. Eloise had tried to scold her for it, but I told her I did not mind it. It caught on with Cameron not too long after that, and soon the entire Park family had started using the little nickname. Jimin thought it was adorable from the beginning but had only started using it after our talk the other night.

I laughed, “I’m going to call you tonight.”

“Aw,” I knew he had that stupid smile on his face. “Miss me that much?”

“Someone needs to make sure you’re staying out of trouble,” I replied, a confident pep in my step I had not had in years. “But yes, I do miss you.”

There was a pregnant pause. 

“I miss you too.”

I could feel my heart melting. I was still getting used to our new dynamic. On most days we were strictly business, and were able to set aside the very large, very apparent elephant in the room. It was not until we had finished with work that those roles dropped, and we were able to just be us. 

Ever since my confession in the car Jimin spoke a hell of a lot more. Apparently, he had a hard time keeping his feelings to himself and chose to talk a little less in order to avoid a slip up. He wanted to give us both a little bit of time to get to know one another before springing his crush on me.

“Going soft, kid?” Playing things off with humor was Jimin’s thing, but it had slowly started to rub off on me. “It’s only two days.”

“I know,” He pouted. “Call your friend. It’s cold and you’ll get sick.”

“Hey,” I cut the teasing tone I had, “You’re not upset I came here by myself, right?”

“No,” He chuckled with an unmistakable fondness. “I’m just messin’ with you. I’m not ready to meet your friends and you need some alone time. We’re good, I promise.”

I sighed in relief, “Okay. Good. I’m going to go now. Talk to you later?”

“Call me when you can,” He replied, voice light.

“Okay, bye.”

“Bye, bug.”

I was disappointed to hear the line go dead but knew I could aimlessly walk around this airport all day if given the chance, so long as he was there with me. Trying to get my thoughts back on track, I sent a text to Andy asking if she was here yet. If not, I was already making plans to call Jimin back.

Andy: I’m parked in 5 near C Gates

Andy: Be careful

Andy: Saw a lady almost get hit by a car just now

Me: See you in a sec

Me: Should I be worried?

I knew she was trying to make a joke, but car accident punchlines never went over all that well with me. Even if I knew the chances of that happening to me were almost zero, I really did not want to have a panic attack in the airport parking lot. 

Andy: Not at all. I’m so sorry for even saying anything. I can come meet you at the doors if you want.

Deep breath. In. Out. In. Out. Deep breath. In. Out. In. Out. Sigh of relief. I was fine. 

Me: I appreciate you

Me: Is babygirl here?

Dani would help the spike of anxiety dissipate. The girl was fearless and was sure to be distracting enough to keep me from paying attention to the oncoming traffic. I suddenly wished that Jimin was here. He always knew what to do.

Andy: Jin and I are weak

Andy: We let her play hooky

Bobbing and weaving through bodies, I tossed my phone into my purse and made my way out of the airport. The arrivals station was packed, and I would need to take the automated train to where Andrea was parked. It was my least favorite part about this airport, but it beat Dallas-Fort Worth by a landslide. I had gotten lost in that airport more times than I could count. 

Three minutes later I was getting out of the train and stepping into C Gates. I could smell Auntie Anne’s and felt my mouth begin to water. Checking my clock, I decided it would not hurt to make a quick spot for lunch. Andy would appreciate it and I knew Dani loved their pretzel dog. 

There was a little less traffic in C Gates. More of the expensive airlines let out here, and all you could see were business professionals pacing back and forth. A family on vacation bumped into me while I was waiting in line, and I almost gave up my spot when their toddler started screaming. 

“No, no,” His mother insisted, her hair a mess on the top of her head. “Between the girls and my mom, we’ll be here all day. Go ahead, sweetie.”

Two little girls danced around me as we waited, the line moving at a snail's pace due to the airport being understaffed. They asked me questions incessantly, and while their mother had tried her best to keep them in line, I told her I was fine with the extra attention. I loved kids and the girls were harmless. The boy in her arms kept repeating “pizza” and soon an elderly woman joined them. 

If the girls talked a lot, they had nothing on grandma. Not only did she never shut her mouth, she was loud and obnoxiously laughing every few seconds. The boy was quick to beg to be in her arms and mom got a break. She was back to attempting to corral the girls, but again they did not really listen. 

“They’re only like this when my mom’s around,” She sighed, frustrated and tired. “We’re meeting up with their father and they’re all a little restless.”

“It’s no bother,” I lied. The girls really were not that bad. Just a couple of four-year-olds having fun. The only person who was really getting on my nerves was her mother, but I was not about to say that. “Better to get it out now than in the car, right?”

She cracked a tired smile, “Right.”

Finally, it was my turn to order. The young girl behind the counter gave me an award-winning smile while another young blonde was in the back getting all of the orders out.

“Hi, welcome to Auntie Anne’s. How can I help you today?”

“Can I get one original pretzel, one cinnamon sugar pretzel, and a pretzel dog combo with a lemonade and cheese,” Glancing behind me, I sighed. “Throw in a pizza pretzel, two orders of pretzel nuggets, and whatever else the family behind me wants.”

She smiled, blue eyes twinkling prettily in the bright lights. Turning around I waved the mother over and told her to get something for her and her mother. She put up a small fight, but eventually gave in when she realized I had already put our orders together.

“Thank you so much,” I thought she might burst into tears when my card was approved. “You really didn’t need to do that.”

I shrugged, “It was nothing. Have a nice vacation.”

Walking to the pickup area, my order was already waiting for me. With nothing more than a simple wave, I left the dysfunctional family behind. The grandmother’s loud thank you seemed to echo off of the airport walls, but it was a little less grating now that I knew I would never hear it again. 

Andy threw herself at me when I finally made it outside, little Dani wrapping her arms around my legs with squeals of delight louder than her mother’s. Taking her pretzel, Andy gave me a fat, wet kiss on the cheek and told Dani she could eat in the car. 

“How’s gymnastics, girlie?” I asked the little girl once we were in the car. “Still kicking ass?”

“No,” She laughed. “I quit, like, forever ago. Appa put me in ballet classes.”

I gave Andy a look. The red head rolled her eyes, fixing me with a knowing look. I had been telling Jin to put her in dance for years.

“It’s been two weeks and she’s already trying to talk him into figure skating.”

“You’re a little hustler, huh?” I reached into the back, squeezing her knee. Dani giggled, angling her body away from mine. She was very ticklish. “Keep at it. You know your dad’s a sucker.”

Dani laughed, “My vovó says the same thing.”

We listened to Olivia Rodrigo on our way to the Kim house. Hoseok and Matilda had planned a huge coming back party for me, and from what it sounded like, I was going to meet Tilly’s new boyfriend. 

“Anything I need to know about Max?” I asked.

Andy was almost as in the dark about the guy as I was but was able to tell me he was a tattoo artist from California. The two of them met at Frank’s bookstore and by the end of their conversation Max had managed to get her out to dinner and in his bed. It was a whirlwind romance, one that made me feel uneasy about its foundation, but I was still obligated to be happy for my friend. They could be soulmates for all I knew, and I was not about to judge anybody else for their version of a first date.

“I don’t want to talk about tattoo guy anymore,” Andy whined playfully, turning up the radio when “Good 4 U” came on. “I need to know more about your little boyfriend.”

I groaned, “He’s not my boyfriend.”

This was why I was so adamant Jimin stayed away. We had yet to have a real talk about what we were, choosing to wait for our first date to iron out those details, but no one in my circle seemed to understand. All they heard was the word date and suddenly wedding bells started going off. 

“Stop deflecting. We both know he’s your boyfriend, official or not,” She laughed, stealing looks at her daughter in the rearview. “What’s he like?”

It was a hard question to answer. On the one hand, I felt like I knew him better than anybody else, but I was self aware enough to know I didn’t. His body language, the way he looked when he beat his best time, and all of his preferred gear were seared into my mind. The movies he liked, his favorite albums, and all of the best tv shows ever made. He went to college. He was the sweetest, kindest, most understanding person I had ever met, and yet… he still felt far away. The shadows that oftentimes clouded his vision were still a mystery to me, and when he came into practice with a lost look on his face, I felt helpless. I knew him and yet I didn’t.

“He’s quiet,” I finally landed on. “Very nice. Always willing to help other people out if he can. You’d like him.”

Andrea scoffed, “That’s it? The first guy you’ve dated in years and all you can tell me is I’d like him?”

“We’re still getting to know each other,” I sighed. “What do you want to know?”

We spent the rest of the car ride going over the last two months' worth of pining. I told her about Fiona, Jimin’s family, and all of my new friends. She almost pissed herself laughing when I told her about the night he asked me out, making so many Hoseok and Tilly jokes I had a difficult time focusing on the story. Andrea seemed to be finished with her interrogation when we pulled up at her house. 

Dani ran to the front door, her excitement about the party making any discomfort I had disappear. It was hard to feel uncomfortable with her around. Taking my hand in hers, the little girl shifted her weight from foot to foot, shouting at her mom to hurry up, and opening the front door anyway. Andy told her to calm down, and I just chuckled and went along with it.

The living room was filled with all of my favorite people, a large ‘welcome home’ sign hanging on the large, backwall. Underneath it was a huge table covered in food, a cake in the middle of it, and I had a feeling Sarah made it. Both her and Frank were the first people to notice me, their faces lighting up, and I let go of Dani’s hand in favor of embracing the elderly couple. The rest of the party comers erupted their voices loud and filled with love as they took turns passing me around. 

“Missed you, Otter,” Hoseok murmured in the crook of my neck, hands secured around my waist.

“Missed you more,” I replied, releasing him and catching Tilly. “Jeez, girl. Trying to kill me?”

“Come meet Max,” She replied, dragging me away from Hoseok.

Max was a tall, lanky guy with black hair that fell down his back. His clothes were on the baggier side, all black, and I recognized the band on his t-shirt from the shit Matilda liked to listen to in the car. He smiled at me, and I was surprised to see him rocking adult braces. He introduced himself, his voice deep and warm, and shook my hand. They were baby soft and covered in tattoos. 

“It’s great to see you,” I replied, genuinely meaning it. If I had to picture a guy more perfect for Tilly, I would come up empty handed. “Thanks for coming.”

He flushed, impossibly pale skin turning a bright shade of red reminding me of Jimin. 

“Anything for Mattie,” He replied.

Huh, he had his own nickname for her and everything. I would need to hang out with Max more before I could say if I liked him or not, but so far, I had a good feeling. Andrea’s worries seemed a bit silly now. They really liked each other, and Tilly’s heartbreaking, dimpled smile made me feel more confident in her partner. They would be just fine. 

The party was fun, and I ate more spinach and artichoke dip than was healthy. Hoseok and I talked about my afterschool visit tomorrow. The boys had a swim meet Saturday and the two of us were hoping we could tag team in order to iron out any issues they had been having. I was being placed in charge of the freshmen while Hoseok made sure the other kids were feeling confident and ready for the meet.

"Let's party!" Frank boomed, lifting a beer into the air.

I laughed, "Be careful, old timer. Don't want you to hurt yourself."

I thought of Jimin again. That sounded like something he would say. Surrounded by the people I loved, I laughed hard and partied harder. The plates of food came one right after the other, and I was happy that I still had a place here. Falling back into my step, I fit seamlessly back into the fold.

"Dance with me," Hoseok demanded, tipsy and red-faced.

"It's your toes," I replied, taking his head and letting him take the lead.

The other couples were already dancing and hooped and hollered as I awkwardly followed the steps. I was not always a bad dancer but lost some of my rhythm in the accident. Hoseok never minded and let me step on his feet without a single complaint.

"You look happy," He commented, spinning me around.

I smiled, "I am."

He smiled back, wincing when I stomped down on his toes again. I apologized, but he just held my hand a little tighter and kept moving. I hummed along to the song, filled with joy. He spun me again, and finally let me go when I slammed into Jin.

"Go get some cake or something," He laughed. "You're too dangerous to be out here."

I rolled my eyes, "I tried to tell you. It's your fault you don't listen."

"Don't need you anyway. I have enough swag for the both of us."

I watched, thoroughly amused from the sidelines, as he moon-walked around the living room.

I left just before midnight after staying behind to help Andy and Jin clean up. The others left a few hours before to get back to Denver at a decent time. My house looked the same as always, dark and empty, but I could tell the landscapers had been around. The grass was recently cut and edged.

The silence inside was deafening. I had always known my place was too big for one person, but after spending so much time in my little she-shed at the Andersons’ house, everything here just felt excessive. Tossing my keys in the bowl beside the door, I wiped my eyes and decided to just head to bed. I would only be here for three days. I would be back in Saline before I knew it.

Dragging my body upstairs, this sudden depression-filled fatigue made my shoulders feel ten times heavier. A chilling, almost insidious, hollowness began to spread across my body. I knew this feeling all too well and it made me feel pathetic. Could I not be on my own anymore? Had I really grown that attached to my life in Michigan? Finally getting into my bedroom, I realized that I had.

Saline was perfect. Living in Colorado Springs has always bothered me. The people here held more traditional values and making friends was difficult. I had Andy and Jin, but they were both very busy people. Andrea was a full-time nurse, Jin’s schedule was somehow even more erratic than his wife’s, and when they were off, they wanted to spend time with Dani. I was lucky if I saw them once every two weeks. 

Hoseok, Tilly, and Minho all lived in Denver, and while I saw them more often due to the meetings with Frank and Sarah dragging me into the city, it was not like we hung out every time I was out there. Days would go by with me speaking at all, and most of my weekends were spent in bed sleeping. Working at the school helped, but I would never claim anyone from the swim team to be a friend. I was not in the habit of befriending children.

Living in Saline was different. Jimin was always there to make me laugh, and when he wasn’t, I had people like Taehyung and Sam to keep me company. Giselle was young, but we got along so well I often forgot about the difference in age between the two of us. Megan and Yoongi were Michigan’s own version of Andy and Jin, and I could see myself becoming good friends with them given enough time. No one had kids, no one was too busy trying to keep up with crazy expenses, and I could find a little house away from the rest of the world to spend my life in.

I thought of the Parks, a family who I had come to love more than I thought was possible, and the Andersons who took me in and always tried to make me feel comfortable. Eloise and her kindness. Luna and Cameron. All of them. I loved and adored every single one of them, and it was then that I finally let myself really think about what I wanted.

Did I want to come back here after I was finished with the season? Did I really want this massive house if it meant I had no one to share it with? No, I decided. Stripping out of my clothes, the numbness was being replaced with a different strange feeling. It felt suspiciously like hope. Excitement came to me so rarely it was foreign and odd, but nice all the same. Jittery, I took my phone out of my pants pocket.

“Hello?” Jimin’s voice was scratchy when he finally picked up.

“Sorry,” I muttered. “Did I wake you up?”

“Yes, but it’s okay,” I could hear him shuffling around in his bed. “Did you have fun?”

“Yeah,” I breathed, climbing into bed. Then, without thinking, I blurted, “I think I want to move to Michigan.”

I held my breath as I waited for his response. There was no telling how this conversation would go, but I was hopeful. Even if this whole date thing did not go very well, I was positive that we would be able to move past it with a little bit of time. We worked well together and if he was comfortable with it then we could continue working together. Regardless, there was always coaching at a school.

“Like, permanently?”

I nodded but after a moment of silence remembered he could not see me.

“Yeah.”

My stomach started to churn. As the silence on the other end began to stretch, the excitement I felt before faded. Even if I said Jimin and I could get past a potentially awkward break up of sorts, I would not pretend that the thought did not make me physically ill. We would never be the same if that happened. It would be something to think about if it came to pass before the Olympics was over.

“Did something happen?” He finally asked, and I could hear the genuine worry in his tone. “Are you okay?”

The fear shifted to hurt, irritation, and anger, making my eyebrows knit together.

“I’m fine,” I could not keep the bite from my voice. It was petty and wrong of me, but his insinuation that I was not in my right mind was insulting. It made me feel like a child. “Just- forget I said anything. I don’t know what I’m even talking about.”

“Don’t do that,” His steady calmness made me even angrier. “I’m only asking you because it came out of the blue, not because I’m not happy with the idea.”

Now I just felt silly. Here I was making these small revelations, waking him up from his sleep, and then getting snippy because he did not respond the way I had wanted him to. Ugh, I wasn’t even his girlfriend yet and I’m acting like Darcy. A shiver went down my spine. That was an insult above all others.

“I’m sorry,” I murmured, the attitude from a few seconds before gone as quickly as it came. “I got defensive for no reason. Sorry.”

He chuckled, the sound barely audible over the phone.

“I forgive you. Now, why do you want to pack your life up for good?”

That made me laugh. It was a sad, pitiful sound. One that did not hold my usual spunk. One I don’t think Jimin had ever heard before. It was impossible to feel sad when he was around.

“I forgot how quiet my house is,” I admitted softly. “I love my friends, but I think coming back just reminded me of how easily I was able to fall back into the routine of it all. Jin and Andy are parents, Tilly has a new boyfriend, and Hoseok and Minho are always so busy with their own lives that I don’t see any of them as often as I would like to.”

Turning on my side, I blinked back a few tears.

“It might sound stupid, but I really do love Saline. I like how busy I am and all of my friends. I bought this place with the hopes of kids and a dog one day, but I don’t think that’ll ever happen, and now it’s just rooms collecting dust. I just-” I let a tear fall, my emotions starting to bubble over. “I don’t like how lonely it feels out here.”

“Doesn’t sound like you like it there. Have you always felt like this?” He asked.

I shook my head, the tears free falling in between sniffles and shaky breaths.

“Not always. Ever since Namjoon died things have been weird. There was a point when I felt suffocated because no one would leave me alone, and then one day everything resumed, and I just got left behind. It was like I woke up and two years just passed me by.”

Jimin comforted me while I cried, telling me how much he hated to hear me so upset, while I worked on calming down. There had been a time in my life when I was not so emotional, but therapy had opened up a whole new side of myself I didn't know existed. Rubbing my face, I sniffled and sank deeper into my mattress. For now, the waterworks had stopped.

“You were recovering,” He soothed. “Your body needed time to heal, and you were traumatized. I don’t think anyone can blame you for zoning out for a bit.”

I hummed, “I know. Doesn’t make it easier to swallow.”

“I know how you feel. When I pulled out of the Olympics last time there was a part of me that felt like a huge failure, but my dad was there to help get my head back on straight. He doesn’t seem like it, but he’s a really great shoulder to cry on.”

“That doesn’t surprise me,” My voice was like sandpaper. “James is the sweetest person I’ve ever met.”

I felt heavy. Worn. Used. My eyes begged for me to shut them, but we were just getting back into safer waters, and I didn’t want to burst the bubble. I yawned, covering my mouth and hoping Jimin could not hear the sound. He had gone quiet.

“Can I ask you something?” Jimin’s voice broke through the comfortable silence that had formed around us. “You don’t have to say anything.”

“Shoot,” I forced myself to smile.

“What happened to Namjoon?”

I closed my eyes. This was something I knew would come up sooner or later. My lip wobbled uncontrollably as the second wave of tears crashed over me. I hated talking about this, but I knew it was going to come up sooner or later. Jimin deserved the truth, and honestly, I wanted to tell him. Being vulnerable with someone felt good. Being vulnerable with Jimin was divine. He was always so ready and willing to go along with things, listening and watching my every move, and trying his best to understand me. It was refreshing. It was nice. It was familiar.

“Was he in the accident with you?” He asked and his voice was so, so gentle. 

“Yeah,” I croaked, finally finding my voice. “I went out with some of my friends and got pretty drunk. I was tired and ready to go home, but my ride didn’t want to go home yet. So, I called Joon.”

I sucked in a deep, loud breath. Jimin told me I could stop, that I didn’t owe him anything, but I ignored him. This wasn’t about owing him. This was about letting the guy I liked get to know me. This story was a part of who I was, as fucked up as that may sound, and I wanted him to get to know this facet of my life as deeply as he knew the present day one. 

“Anyway,” I continued. “He offered to come and pick me up. Twenty minutes later I’m getting into his car and we’re on our way home. We’d just gotten engaged and bought our first house together- things were perfect. I had never been happier.

“We ended up taking the long way home because of an accident on the interstate. It was my idea, and Namjoon had a knack for going along with whatever I wanted. We were only two minutes away from the house when we got hit.”

I took a few deep breaths and wiped my face. Jimin was quiet on the other end. After a minute or two, I jumped back into the story.

“There was a four-way intersection around the corner from our place. Our light was green when we drove up. I don't think he thought to check if there was another car coming. He never even saw the truck. He, uh, died on impact.”

“Jesus,” Jimin breathed.

“The other guy was drunk as hell behind the wheel. Not paying attention. Funny thing is, he was the only person who didn’t get critically injured. Just a broken arm and a concussion. He wrapped our car around a light pole. My leg was pinned between the car and the light, and the airbag is what caused the brain injury.”

Jimin cursed under his breath, “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry that happened to you.”

“Yeah,” I gritted out. “Me too.”

He let me cry for a little while, saying over and over again how sorry he was and how he wished he was in Colorado with me. I did not have anything to say to him. It felt like my chest had been ripped open and my heart was on full display. 

I never questioned how quickly we went from barely talking, to joking around, to sitting up late at night on the phone talking about life. It just happened. Clutching my phone in my hand, I let out a deep breath and held back any more tears from falling. I never said it, but I wished he was here, too.

“Hey,” His voice was gentle when he spoke, so fragile and sweet, that I had to force down the sobs threatening to come out. “I just want to say I’m sorry for how I reacted earlier. You wanting to move here is probably the best thing I’ve heard all fucking year, but I just didn’t want to sway your decision.”

Sniffling, I tried to tell him I wasn’t upset, but he shut me down almost immediately.

“Let me finish,” His voice did not leave room for argument. “I know I don’t act like I’m insecure, but I am. I can be selfish and self-centered, and I’ve always had to really work on those parts of myself.”

“I don’t understand what that has to do with anything,” I mumbled, curling into a ball beneath my blankets. 

“Like I said, I can be a very selfish person,” He sighed. “There was this part of my brain just wanting to hear you say you were coming here and staying with me for forever. I didn’t want that to take over the narrative. And- no offense, but if you did move all the way out here just to date me, I think I’d be a little creeped out honestly.”

I snorted. Hearing that he felt the need to explain any of that to me felt like a small win, even if it did make an alarm go off in my head. It took courage to be that open and honest with another person, especially someone who just cried their eyes out. His compassion and understanding never failed to amaze me, and I was grateful he trusted me enough to let me into his mind for once. Still, it did not make the creep comment any less funny.

“Don’t laugh,” He whined, unable to stop himself from chuckling. “I’m being serious.”

“So do you want me to be a creepy stalker or not?” I joked, hoping to lighten up the mood. “Make up your mind, kid.”

“I think I just want you to be yourself,” I melted. “That’s been working out just fine so far. I mean, if you are a creepy stalker, you managed to get me to like you.”

“Mission accomplished,” I breathed, still reeling from his sweet words. “You better watch out, 007. There’s a new spy in town.”

“So, I’m Bond and you’re Joe Goldburg?”

“Exactly,” My cheeks hurt from how much I was smiling. “Penn Badgley would be a decent James Bond. He was really great in Margin Call.”

I bit my lip, trying to suppress my smile.

“Holy shit, you actually watched it?”

Margin Call was one of Jimin's favorite movies from 2011. He kept a very large notebook filled with all of the movies he’s ever seen, along with ratings, and if he should ever watch them again. He went through it one day and came across the action film, rewatched it, and then spent most of the day talking my ear off about how great it is. 

“Someone I know was very passionate about it, and it managed to pique my curiosity.”

Jimin sighed, but I could not tell what emotion was behind it. Definitely was not anger or frustration. Not sadness either. 

 “What time are you getting back on Sunday?” He asked, and I could definitely hear the affectionate tone his voice had taken on.

“Um,” I thought about it for a moment. “Six, I think.”

“PM?” 

“Yeah,” I curled up under my blankets. It was beginning to get really cold inside, but I did not want to get up to turn the heat on. “I have to double check my flight times, but I know it’s somewhere around there. Why? What’s up?”

“I know we already made plans for next week, but I was thinking I could pick you up from the airport and we could go out.”

My face grew hot, “I don’t think I’ll be dressed for a date.”

“You always look great,” He assured me.

I laughed, nervous and embarrassed, “Thanks.”

We had originally planned our first date to be the weekend after I got back. Jimin was adamant about giving me an experience, and I had been more than happy to indulge him a little. He was just so cute when he got excited. We were running on a limited timeline right now, though, since he had an upcoming swimming fundraiser with Swim Across America in Allendale. The team was raising money for cancer research, and I was very excited to be there to show my support.

Moving the date up meant we would have less to do next weekend, unless Jimin still wanted to keep our plans in place, but it meant we could focus on the fundraiser instead of trying to juggle a date at the same time. 

“I hate to go, but I’m really tired,” Jimin yawned. Pulling my phone away from my ear I was startled by how late it was. “I’ll text you in the morning, okay?”

I apologized for keeping him up so late. “Promise I won’t do it again.”

He hummed, already beginning to fall asleep, “Don’t mind. You’re always welcome to bother me in the middle of the night.”

“Night Jimin,” I whispered, blood pumping.

“Night bug.”

There was one thing I missed about Colorado- how quickly the snow melted. Michigan was seeing more snow as each day went by, but here in the mountains they would not start seeing the worst of it until the spring. For the first time in a month, I was able to forgo my large, puffy jacket in favor of a long sleeve and jeans. Jimin found my excitement over this endearing, sending a slew of heart-eye emojis in response to the mirror photo I sent him.

It was almost the end of the day when I pulled into the high school parking lot. The entire front office erupted in excitement when I walked through the front doors, hugs and well wishes overwhelming me. Sandra, the receptionist, could have talked all day if I let her, and after signing in, I politely told them all I needed to meet up with Coach Jung. I lied about stopping by on my way out and only felt a little bad about it. They were way too much for me.

“They’re going to be so excited to see you,” Hoseok mumbled, a smile stretching across his face as loud teenage boys got closer and closer to the pool house. 

“I’m happy to see them, too,” I replied. “Should we wait until they change to make the grand reveal?”

He shook his head. “Would you rather hug now or when they’re in speedos.”

I shivered, disgusted by the mental image.

“Thanks for putting that in my head, you sick fuck.”

Choking on his spit, Hoseok bent over, laughing so hard he started to screech. His laughter reminded me of a ghost's wail and was contagious. We were both so wrapped up in our little bubble we did not notice the doors opening.

“Coach?”

Wiping my cheeks, I caught my breath and made eye contact with Jordan. Baby blue eyes widened while a large, dimple smile overtook his face. Behind him, Gabriel announced that I was here, and the room was filled with excitement. I was not much of a hugger, but I was happy to greet each boy with one. Gabriel hadn’t stopped speaking since catching sight of me and had a few accidental slip ups about how much he disliked Coach Jung.

Hoseok had alluded to that being their main issue right now. The boys were having a hard time adjusting to a new face and missed me dearly. To his credit, Hoseok admitted that he was still getting used to the coaching thing and made a couple mistakes his first few days here. He had made it a point to apologize to them for being a dick, but the teens hadn’t forgotten or forgiven him for his snappy attitude. Especially the two oldest.

“When are you coming back?” Marcus asked. 

I smiled sadly, “I’ll be out for the rest of the year.” The tall boy deflated, sending a nasty look Hoseok’s way. “But,” I was quick to fix my mistake, “I’m planning on making trips to assist Coach Jung throughout the year. I wanted to be here for your last meet, but something came up.”

That something had been Jimin’s birthday, and I was not going to risk missing his party.

Regardless, Marcus and the team were very happy to hear they would be seeing me. 

“I promise I’ll be here for graduation, too,” I added.

Gabriel offered to give me one of his tickets and I gratefully accepted the extended offer. We stood there and talked for at least fifteen minutes before I finally told them to get changed and into the water. Without protest, all twelve of them went to the locker room.

“You know,” Hoseok chuckled. “You're going to have to teach me how you manage to do that.”

“Cinnamon buns from Mountain Shadows,” I put on my whistle and grabbed my clipboard from my duffel bag. “They’ll be eating out of your hand in no time.”

The team was glowing. Jordan stood in the middle of the boys, a large smile on his face, as he praised them for giving the meet their best effort. Having another win under their belt, all of them were buzzing with excitement at a chance at nationals. They only needed to win three more competitions to qualify. 

For the first time since I arrived, the icy contempt they held for Hoseok seemed to thaw. It brought a smile to my face. If I did not come back next year, I had a feeling the boys would be getting along much better. 

“What’s for dinner?” Marcus asked, looking at me for an answer.

“Coach said something about burgers,” I replied, gesturing towards Hoseok. “You should ask him though. I could be wrong.”

Gabriel chimed in, “Yeah, we’re going to Bingo.”

My mouth watered. Bingo Burger was one of the best spots in town. Their fries were hot and crispy, and I loved their shakes. Mulling over my options for dinner, I always found myself stuck between the Gone Shroomin’ Burger and the Happy Hippie. For a vegan burger, that thing was really fucking good. Then again, a thick, juicy beef patty smothered in bacon, cheese, and mushrooms would hit the spot. Indecisive and bored, I fiddled around with my phone and somehow ended up texting Jimin.

Me: Gone Shroomin’ or Happy Hippie?

The noise on the bus was just in the background now and easy to tune out. Hoseok was laughing loudly with the freshmen while the two seniors were in a quiet conversation in the seat in front of me. Marcus and his girlfriend broke up recently. I stopped paying attention once my phone vibrated.

Jimin: No idea what that means

Jimin: Gone Shroomin I guess

I bit my lip, suppressing a smile.

Me: We’re going for celebration burgers

Me: The boys won and Hobi is treating them since we’re out in Pueblo and not getting back to the Springs until after dinner.

Jimin: Speaking of food… I was thinking we could get some BBQ on Sunday

“Y/N!” Hoseok called, making me look up from my phone. “Tell your boyfriend you’ll call him later.”

“We need you to be the tiebreaker,” Twig chirped.

“What for?” I sighed, glancing down at my screen.

Jimin: Have you been to Union Rec yet? It’s BBQ and a taqueria

Me: No but I’m always down for a burrito

“Do mermaids have gills?” Twig asked.

Fully pulled out of my phone, I flipped it around and gave the boys my undivided attention. 

“Of course not. They’re mammals, so it would be a blowhole.”

Hoseok clapped his hands, “Thank you! That’s exactly what I said.”

Sliding further down in the booth, I closed my eyes and drowned them out again. Colorado’s air was so dry and crisp I was having to get used to the altitude change. I missed how wet and cold Michigan was. Smiling to myself, I remembered how much I hated it when I first landed. So much has changed…

Shuffling, I made myself more comfortable. We were only thirty minutes out from the Springs now, and we would be at Bingos right on time for Hoseok’s reservations. Feeling myself growing tired, I sunk even further into the booth. Eyes heavy, I let them slip closed, and slept for the rest of the bus ride.

Standing in front of my bathroom mirror, I smoothed down my skirt for the millionth time. The gray sweater I had thrown on seemed too casual now that I was looking at myself, but I did not know what else to do. It was a laundry day, but when I went to put my clothes in the dryer it refused to turn on. Violet said they needed a new one anyway, but that did little to improve my mood. The pretty red dress I wanted to wear was soaking wet and hanging from the shower rod to dry. I played with the skin on my lip, willing the black and gray outfit to somehow look nicer. On the other side of the phone, Andy sighed.

“You look fine,” She insisted, running her hand through her auburn hair. “Do a cute hairstyle and put on a nice pair of earrings, and you’ll be golden.”

“You don’t think it’s too plain?” I had asked her this five times now, and each time I got that same reply. “I mean, do I look like I’m going to a funeral?”

“The guy has seen you in sweats and no makeup and still wanted to take you out. Do you honestly think he cares about the color of your outfit?”

She had a point. Finally deciding to cave in and give up on my obsession, I took her advice to do something with my hair. A few of the strands were beginning to look silver, and my sideburns were looking paler every day, but after Hoseok told me he was starting to see a few grays, I decided to leave them be. If we were both going to be silver foxes, I liked the idea of doing it together.

“Are you wearing heels?”

“No,” I shook my head. I picked my phone up and went to my bedroom to find a pair of earrings. “It’s too icy. Silver or gold?”

She thought about it for a second, her face scrunched up cutely. 

“Silver.”

I landed on some thick, gun-metal hoops. They matched the color of the sweater perfectly and did not take away from my face too much. I had spent too much time on looking this nice to have an accessory dominate. Andy was happy with my choice.

I had gotten back a little earlier than I originally thought I would, and asked Jimin if it was okay that I meant him at the restaurant out here instead of making him drive all the way to Detroit to pick me up. He had put up a bit of a fight about it but relented when I said I was hoping we could hang out at his house after dinner. I said I wanted to get myself home, but I was really trying to see how bad the drive was from his place to mine. The thought of spending more time in his space made me feel like a teenage girl.

“How’s ballet going?” I slipped on a pair of black tights. It was freezing outside, and I wanted to have as many layers on as possible. “Has Dani made any progress in getting her figure skating career started?”

Andrea laughed but said that her daughter was getting closer to her goal every day. Jin was weak and did anything the little girl wanted if he could. This was the only issue they were both bull-headed about. Jin wanted to teach her to be responsible and follow through on things, and Dani was tired of preparing for figure skating. She wanted to be on the ice and her dad was afraid of pushing her too far too young. I was most definitely a team Dani instigator, and it was a point of contention between Seokjin and I.

“What did you think of Max?”

I smiled. That boy was definitely a character. The gang and I had a nice dinner before I left Colorado, and Tilly brought along Mr. Tattoo guy. He was quiet and when he did talk, he always had something completely random and out of the blue to say. He fascinated me and when everyone started huddling in their own groups to chat, I turned most of my attention to the new guy. 

He was a sweetheart, and it was a nice change of pace getting to know him. He hated being called Peter (his first name), went to college for nuclear engineering, and became a tattoo artist on a whim. A buddy of his wanted a new piece, paid Max to draw it, and trusted the guy with a tattoo gun. He was an apprentice in San Francisco for three years before moving to Denver to open up his own shop. For all of his eccentricity, he was very successful and down to Earth.

“He’s good for her,” I finally replied, zipping up my Doc Martens, I checked the time. I would have to leave soon. “I’m just happy there’s no drama between her and Hobi.”

It had been a year since they officially broke up, but I knew they fell into bed with one another a handful of times since then. Hoseok and I had talked about their weird relationship on one too many drunken nights, the swimmer the only person able I liked enough to force a glass of whiskey down. Tilly knew that I knew and would vent to me sometimes. They loved each other, knew one another better than anybody else, and it was easy to fall back into each other since we were in the same circle.

 I doubted Andy knew anything about that, we tried our best to keep her out of the loop, but she always said that they still had lingering feelings. I hoped Hoseok was handling this news well. He seemed fine, happy even, so I just rolled with it. If he had a problem, I was sure I would have heard about it by now.

“Speaking of Hoseok,” The humorous tone in Andy’s voice caught my full attention. “Apparently, Jin saw him at The Rabbit Hole with some blonde girl before you got into town. He just remembered to tell me last night.”

This was news to me. Wracking my brain, I tried to figure out if he had brought up a date, or even a person he might be interested in, but nothing came up. Shrugging, I let it go. It was probably just some girl he picked up at the bar. Still, that would be an expensive date.

“He hasn’t told me anything about that,” I murmured.

“Might be why he’s not bothered by new boyfriend.”

I laughed, “Or it could be that they’ve moved on.”

“Oh, please,” She pulled a face, eyes rolling to the back of her head. “We all know that’s not true. At least, not until recently.”

“Regardless,” I sighed, grabbing my purse and walking out of the front door. “It’s none of our business. If they’re happy that’s all that matters.”

Andy raspberried, “Boo. I hate it when you’re all mature and adult-like.”

“And right,” I joked. “Don’t forget about that part.”

Locking up my little house, I made my way through the Anderson’s. Violet was watching the Golden Girls on the couch while Calvin was reading a book beside her. It was a sweet scene that made me smile. I wanted what they had. 

I gave them a smile and wave as I passed by. Violet returned it in full, her eyes kind and gentle, before going back to her show. Calvin put his book down and asked what time I was planning on coming back. He wanted to keep an eye out for my car.

“Around midnight,” I replied, moving my phone away from my mouth. Andrea was rambling about the new doctor on staff. I trusted her disdain enough to know he was a huge dick. “See you two tomorrow.”

“Be safe out there,” He replied, going back to his copy of The Catcher and the Rye.

Andy and I were on the phone for the entire car ride into Ann Arbor. I enjoyed hearing her voice, the small distraction welcome when I felt my anxiety spike. Thankfully it was a Sunday night, and the streets were somewhat empty.

Once I got into the downtown area, I drowned out her voice completely. Andrea never minded. She just kept talking like I hadn’t stepped out of whatever conversation we were just having. Never got mad when I kept asking her to repeat herself either. She was a wonderful friend to me, and I was grateful to have her in my life. If I moved to Saline, she would be the person I missed the most.

I still hadn’t talked to anyone else about the possibility of moving. I was not sure how they would react, and I needed to have my mind made up before giving any of them the news. While I knew Andy and Jin would be supportive, and Tilly and Minho wouldn’t really care all that much (it just gave them an excuse to vacation in Michigan), it was Hoseok I was most on the fence about.

With him it could go either way. He would either be really happy and supportive or call me crazy. It came from a place of love, and I respected his opinion more than any of the others, so I had to be completely sure of myself before getting into something like that with him. If he thought for a second I was rushing into things he would go into overprotective, big brother mode and kill all of my excitement. He might even be able to change my mind if he fought hard enough. 

Pulling up to the restaurant, I was impressed by the sheer size of it. One half looked like an old warehouse while the other half was a small, white bricked building. A red neon sign glowed in the night and a large party was hanging out outside of the building. I could see Jimin in their little group and smiled. He was a very popular man in this area and was able to make new friends wherever he went. If I had to guess, he knew someone and is now best friends with all of them.

“Hey, I just got to the restaurant. I’m going to let you go.”

“Okay, baby,” Andy replied. “Have fun. Talk to you later.”

“Text you when I get home,” I replied. 

Andy was as hypervigilant about getting texts as I was. She was on staff at the hospital when Namjoon and I first arrived. I can’t remember anything from that night after getting in Joon’s car, but when Jin and I spoke about it he said Andy was one of the nurses having to help triage me. She had to be physically pulled away from my body once the doctors found out about our connection, but the image of my body that night is burned into her mind. She was the person who took care of me the most upon release and quit her job at the hospital for a little while in order to make sure I was well taken care of. Calls and texts were just our thing now and I always felt horrible for being part of such a traumatic event for her.

“Love you,” She said.

“Love you too,” I replied, hanging up.

Getting out of my car, I locked the doors and made my way over to Jimin. He caught sight of me before I reached the small group and broke out into a huge, heart stopping smile. Unable to stop myself, I smiled back and waved awkwardly. He said something to the group before meeting me halfway. 

“Hey, you,” He said, wrapping his arms around me. “You look really pretty.”

I laughed nervously, squeezing his waist. “Thanks. I tried my best.”

Pulling away, I was able to admire him a bit better. He was wearing light jeans tonight, a rarity as he preferred sweatpants and slacks, and a black t-shirt. A leather jacket was a staple in his wardrobe, and he always said they kept him warm enough. I never believed him. As always, everything was a tight fit and showed off his body perfectly. 

“You don’t look too bad yourself,” I said once my appraisal was finished. “Nice boots. Where’d you get them?”

He looked down at the black, Chelsea boots and shrugged, “Nordstrom, I think. Taehyung got them for me a few Christmases ago.”

Of course he did.

“Let’s go inside. I’m cold.”

Jimin laughed, “My apologies, ma’am.”

The restaurant was packed, but Jimin had arrived thirty minutes early to get us on their waitlist, so I only had to wait five minutes for our table to be ready. Jimin brushed off the gesture as first date etiquette, but I knew better. The kid was late to everything and yet he got here early so I wouldn’t have to stand outside in the cold. It almost made me reach out and hold his hand, but my nerves got the best of me. We were at our table before I could gather up some courage, leaving a disappointed, bitter taste in my mouth.

“I’m feeling Disco Fries as an app. You?”

Searching the menu for them, I nodded. “That sounds really good.”

We were quiet for a few minutes as we decided on what we wanted. The menu here was rather large, filled with Mexican foods and copious BBQ items. Having never been here before I had no clue what was good and what hasn’t, but from how many people were here I had to assume nothing was bad.

“Know what you want?” Jimin asked, breaking the silence.

I shook my head, “No idea. What about you?”

“I get the same thing every time I come,” He laughed. “The Korean BBQ Burger is really fucking good. I also like the enchiladas.”

Finding both items, my mouth watered. Everything sounded amazing, but I wanted to get a little out of my comfort zone. I just had burgers yesterday, so I was not feeling that. Maybe BBQ? Looking at the options, I shook my head. I could not eat a half pound of anything. Biting the dry skin on my lips, my brain felt like it was working on overdrive. Too many options.

“Welcome to Union Rec,” I jumped a little, startled. “I’m Annie and I’ll be your server tonight.”

My eyes locked with a pair of baby blues, and I immediately recognized her. She was the brunette from the bar a couple of months ago. Eyes sliding from me, she landed on Jimin and the bored expression on her face morphed into one of pure bliss. I did not understand why she had given me that nasty look back then, but it was much clearer to me now. She had a thing for Jimin. Remembering she had a boyfriend, one she screamed at over the phone, it made me feel nauseous. Poor Tom.

“Oh my gosh, Christian. What are you doing here?” She asked, sneaking a look at me.

“Got a hot date,” He replied cheekily, gesturing his hand my way. “You remember Y/N, right?”

She gave me one of those tight-lipped, fake smiles. I returned the favor. I was not really jealous per say, Jimin’s declaration making any possibility of that disappear, but I did not appreciate anyone trying to make me feel small. I was a gold medalist. I was a fucking Olympian. Whoever the hell this chick thought she was, I would make sure she never thought for a second she got under my skin. 

“Yeah, we met at Brecon’s,” Annie replied, completely ignoring me. “Thought she was your coach.”

Jimin either did not catch the insult or he was choosing to ignore it. His smile was still just as pleasant as it was when we first sat down. I envied his ability to keep his emotions so controlled. I knew I must have been glaring at the poor girl.

“She is,” He shrugged. “Doesn’t mean she’s not my girlfriend. Are you taking our order or…?”

Annie spluttered for a second before regaining her composure. All affection in her eyes was gone and replaced by irritation. It was definitely directed at me, but Jimin’s dismissal must have stung. I was happy to be rid of her. Putting in our order for Disco fries, Jimin got a Sprite and Annie left before I could ask for a drink. Sipping on my complimentary water, I forced myself to breathe in and out. She was just a petty, annoyed girl with a crush. That was all. So, what if she was being rude? I was fine. Everything was fine. After the fifth sip, I actually believed it.

Trying to keep my tongue in check, I went back to looking through the menu. Finally able to make a choice, I decided on the birria beef ramen and closed the menu. Hopefully little miss Annie wouldn’t spit in it. Hot again, I took another long sip of water.

“Excuse me.”

Jimin flagged down another waiter, a pleasant smile on his face. Confused, I put down the glass and raised an eyebrow. He winked at me before laying the charm on thick. 

“Hey Marty. Would you mind if we got a different server?”

The young girl nodded frantically, “Of course. Is everything okay?”

Jimin smiled, eyes like crescents. “Everything is fine. Just Annie on her bullshit. Don’t want to get her fired by talking to your dad.”

Marty rolled her eyes, “Figures. I’ll tell her I’m taking care of you guys. Just don’t expect me to be running around for you, man. I have an entire section by myself.”

“I want privacy anyway,” Jimin replied, smirking at me. “Thanks. I’ll tip you well.”

She laughed, “Just make sure you put it in my hand. That bitch has been stealing tips. Cosette is trying to convince pops to fire her, but you know how he is about the girl.”

Jimin shook his head, “I already know. Can you get my girl a drink? Annie ran off without taking her order.”

Marty looked at me, her deadpan stare making me burst into laughter. Apparently, it wasn’t just me. That helped. 

“Sorry about her. She’s a massive bitch. What can I get you?”

I smiled, my mood a million times better, “Iced tea, please.”

“You got it, babe. You ready to order?”

Marty took our orders and promised to be back with my drink soon. 

“How do you two know each other?” I asked Jimin, finishing off my water.

“We were in the same class back in high school. Her mom owns that flower shop on Michigan Avenue.”

That was surprising. I was positive the girl was no older than eighteen. She reminded me of a porcelain doll, her chubby cheek and big eyes adding something angelic to her overall look. Then again, Jimin did not look all that old either. It was easy to forget he just turned 24. The age gap was really messing with my brain.

Annie was back with Jimin’s drink a few minutes later. She said nothing when she practically slammed his cup on the table before stalking off. It was then that I knew who she reminded me of. Darcy. I wondered if they were friends. Definitely had the same attitude problem, that was for sure.

“Ignore her,” Jimin told me once she was out of earshot. “I’ve been doing it since middle school.”

The rest of our dinner went back without a hitch. With Annie out of the way, and Marty’s small and infrequent check-in’s, we were able to be in a bubble of sorts. He asked about my trip back home and filled me in on what happened over the weekend. He had finally told his parents about our date and said that his mom thought it was a great idea. James called me perfect a few times, too. I had a hard time believing it, but Jimin had never lied to me before. It was nice to know the people around him accepted me even if I was a few years older.

“My mom’s 9 years older than my dad,” He revealed in between bites of food.

Shocked, I stopped eating all together. I had no idea they were that different in age. Ne-Yeon looked so youthful and pretty it was hard to guess just how old she actually was. Even fighting cancer, that woman did not look a day over 40. James was also in great shape for his age. To hear they had their own age gap made me feel a little bit better. 

“Wait,” Something else occurred to me. “Your mom was in her forties when she had you?”

Jimin nodded, “45. She had Haru at 48.”

It made sense to me now. To Jimin, our age gap was nothing special. It was smaller than his parents’, and having an older mother did not bother him at all. In his eyes, we had all of the time in the world for marriage and kids. A small weight came off of my shoulders. It really did not mean anything to him. He was not just saying that to make me feel better either. 

“Do you want dessert?” He asked, his plate empty in front of him. 

I was almost done with my bowl, “What do they have?”

He squinted his eyes, thinking.

“I know they have this horchata banana pudding. It’s literally the best dessert I’ve ever had in my life. There are a few other things, but I can’t remember what they are.”

I chuckled, “Then we’ll have the banana pudding.”

Jimin was not exaggerating either. The pudding was delicious. I almost wished we had each gotten our own serving, but after seeing the bill we were happy we hadn’t. Jimin paid this time. We had a back-and-forth deal when it came to meals. I got us breakfast last Wednesday, so he was picking up this bill. This was, unfortunately, much higher than Denny’s.

“I’ll put gas in your truck,” I offered on our way out. “To make up for the difference from Denny’s.”

He scoffed, “Don’t worry about it.”

“But-”

“We’re together now,” He interrupted me. “If I want to pay for a meal, then I will. You don’t have to pay me back.”

“We’ve always done that,” I argued.

“That was before,” He countered, walking me to my car door and opening it. “This is now. And right now, I’m trying to take a pretty girl, in a pretty dress, on a nice date. That includes paying for her meal.”

Getting into my seat, I pointed out that I let him do the gentleman thing all of the time. Opening my door for me, pulling chairs out at restaurants, and even walking on the curbside when we were out together. The list was endless. The least I could do was pay for half of a meal.

“I don’t do those things to get on your good side,” Jimin replied. “I do them because I want to. This isn’t transactional. So, stop worrying about being a burden. I enjoy taking care of you. You deserve to be taken care of.”

I could not think of a good enough comeback, so I just decided to drop it. If he wanted to pay for me then he could. It was his money to spend. 

“Send me your address.”

“You still want to come over?” He seemed surprised.

“Yeah,” I nodded, already pulling up the GPS. “What is it?”

He sounded like Charlie when he won the golden ticket as he gave me his address. 

“Don’t get too excited now,” I joked. “Just because I’m coming over doesn’t mean anything.”

Jimin laughed, “I pretend I don’t even know what sex is until after date three, so don’t worry about it.”

That made me laugh, “Get in your truck. I’ll meet you there.”

Looking back at him, I felt giddy. His eyes were so alight, his joy written so clearly across his face it took my breath away. A happy Jimin was the only kind I wanted to see. Blowing caution to the wind, I finally reached out. Touching his stomach, I felt the muscles clench beneath my fingers.

“Thank you,” I said earnestly.

“What for?” He rasped, placing one hand over mine, pressing my hand further into his skin. 

“For-” I broke off, taking my hand away. The feeling of him underneath me was too much. “For being so accommodating. I really appreciate it.”

He laughed, the sound strained and airy. I was too embarrassed by my actions to look at his face, but I could feel his eyes burning into the side of my eyes. Unlike me, Jimin was always brave. Hopefully some of that confidence would rub off on me. Maybe then I could reach out and hold him whenever I wanted to. 

“You’re welcome,” He replied, and my thighs clenched together at how rough he sounded. Did touching him do that? Or was it the praise? It could be both. “Drive safe, okay? You can follow me if that helps.”

I nodded, swallowing. The icy air outside did nothing to put out the blistering heat coursing between us right now. It was overwhelming how hot it was. Turning up my A/C, I pointed the vent directly at my face.

“See you in a few minutes,” I breathed, still unable to look at him.

Jimin closed my door, and I leaned back in my seat breathing heavily. I watched him as he rounded the front of my car, those pants sticking to his legs like a second skin and groaned. I had never felt this level of desire for anyone before. 

He reminded me so much of Namjoon. His beautiful brain and love for music and poetry so reminiscent it managed to bring me back to happier times. In the beginning I was afraid my attraction to him stemmed from that link. Because he reminded me of something I had loved so dearly that meant what I was beginning to feel was just a projection.

I was wrong. So unbelievably wrong. Jimin had a passion that Joon could never replicate. If Joon was a warm blanket, then Jimin was like the tide in the sea. On the surface it was calm, steady, and beautiful. Underneath that was life like nothing I had ever seen before. He was refreshing and filled with this fire for life that reminded me of my own from years ago.

Namjoon was perfect, a boy-next-door, and soft spoken. Back then I had enough of that passion for the both of us. Now I saw more and more parallels between us than ever before. I was uncertain, waiting for someone else to bring excitement back into my life, too afraid to reach out and take what I wanted anymore.

And then Jimin was there with that big smile willing to take me on whatever adventure I desired. All I had to do was ask. It was exhilarating, fun, and I was happy to be a part of the ride. His softness, his kindness, his understanding- all of it wrapped up in a pretty red bow. A gift that kept on giving.

I did not love Jimin, but I knew then that I could. With his sharp tongue and charisma, it was impossible not to. Everyone else did. Who was I to think I could be any different? I was a slave to his happiness. It was in that moment, sitting in my car, that I finally understood what was happening.

I was falling in love and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

Taglist: @ownthesunshine @screamertannie @lovelytaes-blog @pernesianparapio @tae-with-some-suga @sumzysworld @chimmisbae

© chimcess, 2024. Do not copy or repost without permission.

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[gribbo]

In the hands of another minstrel, it would make a triumphant theme: Thorm trounced, his captives freed, his curse lifted from the land. Let another minstrel write it. The one who struggled up from the bowels of Moonrise Tower would rather find an unobtrusive corner in which to curl up and die.

"Somebody knocks you on the head every tenday," grumbles Barcus, as though it's a character flaw. His hand on the minstrel's jaw is rough and cool. "Follow my finger."

He seems to be holding up two. Peculiar. The minstrel does his best to watch them instead of falling over. "Did you see the"—he wobbles, peering over Barcus's shoulder—"aasimar?"

The Nightsong, tracking bits of Thorm across the hall, wings to Isobel in a blaze of moonfire. Barcus fails to notice. "You're more addled than I thought."

The minstrel could kiss him. If either of them deserved that.

He reports to the High Harper, who stops him midway and orders him to bed. Where bed has gone eludes him; Vally, he thinks, had shouldered his bedroll. Karlach, his pack. He looks for them in the hushed bustle of the hall: teary farewells here, his niece Nimble frowning at him there, the dead laid out yonder for the living to grieve. Harpers weeping for their fallen softly, businesslike. Victims of the cult, too, lying far from their families and friends—and Alfira where he expects her to be, hunched alone with her lute, feeling out the first fumbling chords of a threnody for them all.

It all makes sense, all of a sudden. He still has his gittern. When he drops onto the bench beside her, her hands stumble on the strings.

“Let’s sing for our supper, then,” he rasps without preamble, tuning up.

Alfira stares at him—huge, stunned eyes in a hollow face. “Really?”

Magga cammara, the minstrel thinks, she’s gotten thin. She’s not even famous yet.

“Go on,” he says gruffly. He fiddles for a moment in A minor before settling on something suitable. “I’ll back you.”

A slow, weary smile staggers across Alfira’s face.

It’s a grueling task, to sing in tribute for so many, for so long. Few would ask it of a singer so untried. But when Alfira’s voice lifts in lamentation like a rusty bell’s chime, heads turn; when he joins her in the second verse, the stentorian echo of her high mourner’s cry, the hush that follows is a grim gratification. They play long after their voices fail. He’s nodding over the gittern, his fingers plodding across the strings, when a warm, heavy hand envelops his shoulder. “Silk?”

“Karlach.” His voice scrapes like an old hinge. He blinks up at her, wondering why she’s so blurry. “There you are.”

“Here I am, sangster.” She turns from him, speaking gently to someone else. “Get some rest, Fira, hey?”

Whoever’s leaning on him rises with a willing mumble, leaving him cold. There’s a head on his knee, he realizes; he gives Mirkon’s curls a drowsy pat, then nudges him awake. Someone lifts the boy and carries him away. Around the hall, the torches burn like drowning stars.

Karlach’s hand keeps him steady. “Can you walk?”

He wobbles up. To his consternation, the hall tilts. Around him, the torchlights stretch and spin—

“Whoops,” Karlach says—and whisks him off his feet, bearing him who-knows-where. Hellion. He should object, probably. Keep his eyes open, certainly. Beneath his head, the machinery in her chest—that horrid death-clock, ticking—rattles a radiator-cough.

She smiles grimly at it. “Will you play one of those for me?”

A funeral dirge. His own tired heart beats off-tempo. “Oh, Karlach.”

“It was beautiful,” she says in her plain, awful way. “Will you?”

He’d sooner cut off his hands. Milil, he thinks, help me play happier music for these people. That triumphant theme. It’s in me, somewhere.

“Sangster?”

A voice speaks up somewhere past his eyelids. “Is he all right?”

“Asleep.” An infernal yawn. “Hells. I’m beat, too.”

Not quite asleep, he thinks. There’s a space between sleep and wakefulness, now, where the Prism-bearers’ minds mingle and meet. Gale’s drifting off thinking about a real bed, with sheets and blankets and such, so all of them are thinking about real beds. Them, the minstrel thinks muzzily, who are we, who are us.

Karlach’s thoughts, blunt and amused, brush his. You sound like that brain-thing.

Shadowheart, ever the eavesdropper, dips in. Are we going to keep it?

That headcheese? asks Vally.

Whatever will it eat, thinks Wyll, in our company?

Tsk’va. Lae’zel pretends to miss his joke. The creature is an abomination.

So are we, darling.

We! cries the intellect-devourer, somewhere else. It’s skittering after a rat, its simple joy rippling through their minds in alien hues. Whee!

Not a theme, the minstrel thinks, absently. Not a theme. He blinks up at Karlach with some effort. “Odd little medley, ours.”

Karlach blinks back at him.

Then she grins, brushfire-bright. “Catchy."

#act ii was my favorite #bg3 #microfic #barcus wroot #alfira #karlach #oc tag #silk #and assorted other characters

[chiefdirector]

Beginning | Tim Bradford | The Rookie

Act One | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 | Chapter 21 | Chapter 22 | Chapter 23 | Chapter 24

Despite being in this room for what felt like a thousand times, (Y/N) couldn't help but feel uneasy. The put in the bottom of her stomach grew and grew until it felt like a black hole of nervousness. It took all of her might to stay still in her seat, trying to look composed. Now was not the time to show weakness.

Seemingly reading her mind, Tim leaned across, taking one of her hands in his, stopping her from fiddling with her wedding band once more. It was a habit she had meant to break a thousand times but she had never seemed to crack it.

The conversation from the night before spun through her mind. She had lost so much to this, something priceless, (Y/N) didn't know if she could lose any more. She had gotten her life back, she fought like hell to get some semblance of peace for the last two years. Her karma had come, and now it could leave her again.

Those two years she spent longing for her life back, for her husband back, she hadn't realised just how much she missed everything else. Angela and her awful jokes, the way Grey always knew what to say to her. She missed her neighbours and the cookies they brought over when they baked too much. She got it all back.

There were things that were lost forever. Her rapport with Captain Anderson, the woman who inspired her more than anything; she never got to say goodbye to her. If she ever saw Bishop again she wouldn't know what to say, (Y/N) didn't even know if Talia was aware that she was alive.

But there were also things she had gained that she never had before. Harper, Nolan, Chen. The three of them had bonded quickly over various topics. Harper knew what it was like to come back from undercover work, how hard the adjustment was. Nolan's empathy and understanding provided comfort she struggled to get anywhere else.

And with Chen, the two talked about Tim; it was nice to know that he was okay when she was gone. He never really opened up about their time apart but Lucy had provided him with support. (Y/N) was forever grateful. But she was also determined; determined to never lose again.

Her thoughts were so consumed with what she had and what she was putting up at stake, she barely noticed that Grey had begun to give out the initial assignments. Lopez and West were going to go over the initial case file, to see if there was anymore influence from Rosalind that could have been missed. Harper and Nolan were going to go to the Central California Women's Correctional Facility to question the Warden about Dyer's communications and habits. She just about caught Grey giving out her own assignment "...and Detective Bradford is going to go see Kade Sullivan. If our theory is correct, and Sullivan is involved somehow, he will want to seek her out. Tim, you go with her as a lookout only."

"What? No!" Tim protested, horrified at the idea of leaving (Y/N) alone with someone who could have potentially caused her so much grief and torment. "I'm going with her."

"Be happy I've put you on surveillance. I can easily have you and Harper switch assignments." Grey rebutted. "You are not to get involved unless Detectie Bradford explicitly asks for it. Is that understood?"

Tim pursed his lips in frustration. He trusted (Y/N) with every fibre of his being but he couldn't stand the idea of this going wrong. The thing is, he didn't trust himself not to get involved if he saw things going downhill. Gritting his teeth, he responded. "Send Harper."

----------

Where there once stood a dingy and rundown house, stood a home that had received thousands of dollars of TLC. Rotting wood had been replaced, foundations rebuilt, dead plants now blossoming. There was no indication that this house had been in disrepair, bordering on inhabitable.

(Y/N) turned her head, eyes settling on the car Harper was in down the street, reassuring herself that she was no longer alone in this game. Her heart rushed at the realisation truly settled in, seeing Sullivan again would fully put her as well as every other officer at the Mid-Wilshire precinct into a battle of survival, one where there could only be one winner.

She knocked three times before taking a step back. She stood tall, hoping that her stance showed confidence and unwavering determination, things she was definitely not feeling right now. Still she took a deep breath, unclenched her jaw and waited.

She did not have to wait for long though, it was less than a minute before the door swung open on, showing her former case worker staring at her, unmoving, unblinking. His jaw was slightly lowered, the only movement he had was a slight twitch in his right hand.

(Y/N) swallowed her nervousness down, "Sullivan, can I come in?"

"You were missing." Sullivan seemingly snapped back to life. He stuck his head out of the house, looking up and down the street for any visible observers before moving to let (Y/N) into the house as he continued to speak. "Come in, come in."

"I'm not here for a social call."

He moved into the kitchen, offering (Y/N) a cup of tea. He pottered around, trying not to seem as shaken as his initial reaction. "You were never the type anyway. But what are you doing here, last I heard was that you had fallen off the grid. No trace, nothing. Did you not think how worried I would be, and what about that husband of yours?"

"He's not important." (Y/N) lied, going over the story her and Harper had agreed for her to tell. She knew that Harper was listening in over her wire but she still hated the way it felt to lie about Tim. "He's moved on. Probably staying with me out of pity; I made my peace with that."

"Then why are you here," Sullivan passed (Y/N) a cup of tea, "I mean, don't get me wrong I'm thrilled that you are okay. I was so worried but you wouldn't be here if you thought that everything was going fine."

She placed the mug down without a sip, her hand slipping over the edge of the counter as she did so. "I recently got Regina Diaz arrested. She's awaiting trial; no way she's getting off easy. I just came by to say I was okay, I'm no longer in danger."

"That's good, I'm glad."

"Me too." (Y/N) looked round the room. There wasn't a single inkling that someone lived here full time, the only mess was from the drinks Sullivan just made, the rest was immaculate. Nothing was out of place, as was what she had seen of the rest of the house. "I best be off. I don't need to keep you only longer. It was good to see you."

Sullivan held his hand out for (Y/N) to shake. "You too. Let me see you out."

----------

(Y/N) looked at the road ahead as Nyla drove back to the station. With the bug (Y/N) planted in the kitchen, the transmission would already be recording, they just had to hope that it would pick up any conversations Sullivan had, enough for a warrant.

As the city passed her by, she could feel Nyla passing a glance at her every so often. Her gaze was heavy, she could feel it pressing down on her. Eventually, (Y/N) had had enough of the silence. "You know you can just say it."

"It isn't true." Nyla softly said, considering each word as she spoke. "What you said before. He didn't stay out of pity. I hope you know that."

"Yeah, I do, but..." (Y/N) shook her head, stopping herself.

Nyla pulled the car over, parking at before turning to look at (Y/N), giving the detective her full attention. "But what?"

"Sometimes I think it would just be easier if he had moved on. I've dragged you all into my mess."

"This isn't your fault. And I can't speak for everyone else, but you didn't drag me into anything." Nyla sighed, she didn't often provide comfort, it wasn't something she excelled at but she could relate. She knew how (Y/N) felt. "Look, I haven't known you as long as some of the others, but you aren't but you aren't a lost cause, and you gotta stop this self-doubt thing you got going on. You're stuck in the past and I get that but you have a family at that station a family willing to fight this with you. Let them, let us help."

(Y/N) closed her eyes, blinking away the small tears that had formed at Nyla's words. Silently, she nodded at the woman, letting her know that she was okay. "Thank you."

"Now, I mean this in the nicest way possible. Get a grip, we have a job to do."

(Y/N) hummed. "Let's go."

Chapter 24 | Chapter 26

Series Masterlist | Masterlist

Tags: @xceafh  @kmc1989  @buba424 @salty0cracker @iamasimpingh0e @malindacath @hufflepuffwhore13 @agentred27 @tessalynni @anaferreira-4 @starstruckchopshoptyphoon

Tags are open :)

24 | 26

#tim bradford #tim bradford x reader #tim bradford imagine #the rookie imagine #the rookie #chiefdirector #bottom of the river

[pastelvelvett-2nd]

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♡ A quick note! ♡

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Thank you to very cool person @beeees-are-amazing for requesting this imagine!!

As always, please check the tags for trigger warnings~

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♡ Yandere!Honor Student (Harper) x Extroverted!Reader ♡

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• Harper isn't truly like this. Her bubbly and outgoing personality is entirely performative, but she does a good enough job that nobody around her could ever conceivably tell. How she acts is exactly like the kind of person she admires the most, someone truly selfless and kind that always makes time for other people and enjoys it.

• So, when she found you, she immediately looked up to you, and it wasn't long until that respect turned into something more.

• The two of you talk quite a bit from the beginning, but Harper always seems... Unusually timid around you. Not incredibly so but still, a lot more meek than she would usually act.

• Without realizing it, Harper started acting more like herself around you. If she had realized it, then she would bring a quick stop to it clearly, but her attention was always fixated on you and your own behavior. No time to notice how she'd almost shift into a different person when she's talking to the person she's idolizing the most.

• Her dynamic with you is very different from the one she has with most people because of that. Most of the time she'd be the reliable one, the one to help those around her whenever they would need it (and even sometimes when they wouldn't). You are what she wishes she could be, and she doesn't doubt that for you it's not a front. And because of how clumsy she tends to be around you, she starts relying on you more and more.

• First she resists it, feeling guilty for making anyone, but especially you, help her so often. But, being a hedonist at heart, she gives in quick to something that tastes so sweet. The guilt doesn't completely go away, but the attention you give her when she needs help... It's too difficult to refuse.

• She's more comfortable now. For the first time in she doesn't know how long, she feels protected and cared for. ...But is that really something she ever felt? She most likely never felt that kind of thing, not even as a child with her parents. The feeling is foreign to her, but she doesn't mind it.

• You're always there for her, and she's always there for you. At first, she was a little shy and didn't approach you too often, but soon you start seeing her everywhere.

• Harper being Harper still tries helping you with things you seem to be struggling with, but she's far less tense and it's clear to see. She's more relaxed, gradually trying to prove her usefulness less and less.

• There is one thing she's too nervous to do still, though. That is, confessing to you. At some point she realized that this intense affection wasn't platonic at all, that it was maybe even deeper than the romantic love she'd observe in other people. It's so strong that she has no clue what she would do with herself if you reject her. So, Harper keeps silent about this for now, hoping that eventually she'll build the strength.

• Harper started focusing on you a lot more than everyone else in her life, but you kept up being the social butterfly you've always been. She feels a tad bit sad that you don't seem to have the same kind of favoritism for her as she does for you, she's got to admit.

• Another feeling foreign to her. The jealousy tugging at her chest, begging to not be ignored... It isn't pretty. It's not something she'd want to show. She hates seeing you talk to other people, as awful as it feels for her to admit to it. Other people rely on you just the same as she does, and she has to wonder, is she any different from all of them in your eyes? Is Harper just another casual friend you chat with at school just because you're the type to always want to talk to somebody?

• Her worries and her jealousy are still a lot milder than they would be with a different Reader. Harper's newfound ability to rely on you and be slightly more herself around you certainly has been good for her mental health. She's a lot more stable than she would be in a relationship where she would just give and give and never receive, which is the kind she's used to.

• But still, the amount you talk to other people preoccupies her head more than what would be considered normal. This deep, selfish want to have you be hers is what pushes Harper to tell you just how she feels about you. Maybe... Not being quite as descriptive on how much she truly loved you, since that would surely scare you away.

• If you say yes, Harper would be overjoyed beyond belief. If you say no... Then it's alright. Because there is no limit on how long Harper would wait for you. Despite her better mental health in this scenerio, she's still rather delusional, thinking that you loving her back is just an eventuality.

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It's just a matter of time.

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More Harper fics:

[ ♡ ] Introduction

[ ♡ ] Meeting her (Shy reader)

#a bite🍰 #tw: yandere #tw: obsessive behavior #tw: delusional thinking #tw: jealousy #yandere imagines #yandere x reader #female yandere #yandere x you #female yandere x reader #yandere oc x you #yandere oc #yandere

[sporkberries]

Hello! Do you have any recommendations for Roy Harper reading? I'm not bothered about which continuity or where, just if you had a suggestion for where you think he's best 👀

If you wanna go back to some older stuff you can check out the silver age green arrow comics and Teen Titans 1966, I'm not the BIGGEST fan of TT 1966 but it does have some cute and funny moments. I mainly read Bronze Age to Modern age so we'll go with that moving forward. Green Lantern(1960) #85-86 This is Snow Birds don't fly and Roy's most iconic story, It introdcues Roy's struggle with heroin and is pretty sympathetic to addicts which was QUITE the big deal at the time. I also think its important for to me say Ollie is not the best parent in this one, he reacts out of anger and is incredibly upset with both Roy and himself for Roy's addiction. OLLIE DOES LOVE ROY AND IS USUALLY QUITE A GOOD PARENT, THIS IS ONE MOMENT THAT DOES NOT DEFINE HIM OR HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH ROY. MUST READ not just for Roy but for comic book history in general Action Comics(1939) #32 This one is a small one shot thats post snowbirds. Roy is on his own but it shows that he and Ollie still care about eachother and that Ollie really misses Roy. The New Titans(1984) #20-21 THE REVEAL OF LIAN'S EXISTENCE !!!!! ALSO JADEROY!! also itty bitty robin Jason is in this story. ABSOLUTE MUST READ Action Comics(1938) #613-618 I LOVE THIS STORY I LOVE THIS STORY I LOVE THIS STORY. It hurts me but i love it... Jade and Roy and Lian... It also shows how Roy ended up getting Lian. other than that I will say no more... ABSOLUTE MUST READ Titans(1999) #1-2 Lot's of Cute content with Roy and Lian here. I wouldn't consider it an absolute must read but again its fucking adorable so i recommend it. Titans(1999) #6 Donna Kyle and Roy beat up a Nazi with a tragic backstory or whatever, meanwhile Lian is being babysit by someone her mom has personally affected.

Titans(1999) #8-13 JADEROY!!! JADEROY!!!! LIAN!!!! Deals with the aftermath of the previous rec. Also some DonnaRoy which is admittedly cute. This story kinda covers all the moral complications of Roy and Jade and Lian. How Jade's crimes affect them all, as well as how Roy feels about Jade. I would consider this one a must read. Titans(1999) #21-22 Aftermath of previous rec, Chesire is being held to be tried. I realize a lot of these recs are relate to JadeRoy and Lian but they are so important to his character. If you enjoyed the previous story read this one, but i wouldn't recommend it in a vacuum. Titans(1999) #30 More JadeRoy, I am predictable. This is Jade's trial. If you like the previous two storylines read this. It makes me sad it makes me emo I love Jade so much and she went through so much and it doesnt excuse here actions but it still hurts. Roy makes a decision. Roy appears prominently in The Outsiders but i haven't read it all yet so i can't speak on it. Green Arrow(2001) 1-10 This is an ArrowFam MUST READ. Ollie returns from the dead, mia is introduced, Ollie and Connor, and Ollie reuinites with Roy and Dinah. It's very good. Green Arrow(2001) #16-21 General ArrowFam goodness. Ollie and Roy Goodness. Just,,, emotions.... Ollie is Roy''s dad... I weep...

Justice Leauge of America(2006) #1 Roy and his Uncle Hal :). Also Roy joins the JLA

There's more probably but this list is getting pretty full. These are also all in chronological order so :333. as a sort of anti- recommendation if you want to read an absolutely awful roy that is horrible in every way and want to be mad about it read rhato. its awful!

#spork says stuff #reading recs #roy harper #jade nguyen #jaderoy #lian harper #arrowfam

[thebisexualdogdad]

Hello love, can I get stephanie brown x GN! Reader who is Oliver Queens and Dinah Lance's kid.

Thank you!

Stephanie Brown x GN!reader

● you meet Stephanie when your parents send you to Gotham to investigate Bruce Wayne aka Batman's death

● you save the knights from a battle with the talon sending an arrow that explodes and temporarily blinds him, allowing them to escape

● Carrie "where the hell did that come from??"

● Stephanie "I don't know but I don't think we should stick around and find out"

● Harper jumps into the drivers seat of the van and Turner opens the back door where you're just chilling

● "the Gotham Knights I presume? We need to talk"

● you explain who you are and why you're in Gotham as they drive back to the belfry

● and back at the belfry they tell you about the court of owls and how they set them up to take the fall for Bruce's death

● Cullen immediately notices you and Stephanie can't keep your eyes off each other

● Turner offers to let you stay with them at the belfry but you've already got a penthouse you're renting using your father's money, if you're going to be staying in Gotham for a while why not do it in style

● you don't tell them that though, you still don't fully trust some of them, one is the jokers daughter after all

● when you're gone Cullen teases Stephanie about the heart eyes she was giving you

● Cullen "So Y/N… they were cute… and totally into you"

● Stephanie "we are not talking about my love life right now"

● you keep your parents updated on everything you learn while you and the knights try to unravel the secret society ruling Gotham

● Oliver "this court of owls seem dangerous, do you need backup? Connor can be there by morning"

● "how can I learn to be on my own when you're always sending my older brother to play babysitter"

● Dinah "that's not what your father meant, Connor just has a few more years experience on you and could help you and what are they calling themselves? The Gotham knights?"

● "I've got this mom, they certainly aren't the justice league but the knights are smart, especially Stephanie"

● Dinah "Oh? Tell me more about this Stephanie, is she cute?"

● "I'm hanging up now"

● over the next few weeks you and Stephanie get close

● you teach her how to fight

● she's actually pretty good at it, she just needed to take the time to learn the basics

● the first time she wins during a sparring session you end up on your back with her on top of you

● you're just staring at each other breathing heavily

● you think she's about to kiss you when Cullen accidently interrupts

● "who wants pizza- oops sorry, pizza can wait"

● and once again he teases Stephanie for what he saw

● Cullen "you were about to kiss!"

● Turner "who was about to kiss?"

● Cullen "Stephanie and Y/N"

● Stephanie "we were not! We were just sparring!"

● Duela "Oh is that what those grunting noises were? I Thought you two were finally releasing all your pent up sexual frustration"

● Stephanie "I hate all of you"

● she takes you to all her favorite places in Gotham

● from the best restaurants to hidden spots that overlook the entire city

● her parents would be so mad if they found out she was riding around on the back of your motorcycle and that gives her an extra thrill

● eventually she feels comfortable enough with you to open up to you about her moms addiction

● "my uncle Roy struggled with addiction, he's been sober for a few years now but he went though some rough times when I was a kid, he stayed with us when my parents were helping him get clean"

● Stephanie feels like a weight is lifted being able to finally talk about this with someone

● you get hurt during a run in with the court and end up telling the knights about your penthouse because it's closer than the belfry and you need medical attention as soon as possible

● Stephanie is stitching you up while the others are in awe of the luxury home you're staying in

● Duela "are you serious! You've been staying here this entire time and you still made us sleep on wooden benches in that shithole belfry!"

● "well sorry I didn't know if I could trust you guys when we first met"

● Harper yelling from the bathroom "guys! The water pressure in this shower is amazing!"

● meanwhile Cullen is raiding the kitchen for snacks

● everyone finds a place to sleep for the night in the various beds and couches while you and Stephanie go out on the balcony to talk

● "how are you feeling?"

● "all good, it's not the worst injury I've ever endured, you see this scar on my shoulder? My brother once switched out my arrows for boomerang arrows during training, my mom was pissed but my dad found it hilarious"

● "do you miss Star City?"

● "I miss my family but there are certain things here in Gotham that I can't find back home"

● "like what?"

● "like you"

● Stephanie smiles and she kisses you

● Star City already had its fair share of archers, maybe your parents would let you stick around Gotham a little while longer after you were done with your mission

#gotham knights imagine #Stephanie brown imagine #Stephanie brown x reader #x gender neutral reader #headcanons

[gretahayes]

Have some Superboy (1994) characters for the ask game, do whichever ones you want!

- Tana Moon

- Rex Leech

- Roxy Leech

- Serling Roquette

- Jim Harper

- Dubbilex

-Match

- Director Cannon

- Knockout

- Agent Makoa

i love you. however i pick my favorite sb94 side character, bianca.

Headcanon A: realistic

she loves unclear speech. she can’t tell the truth without layers of satire and slang to save her life and finds it very entertaining.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

she’s aroace she doesn’t like kon she just enjoys fucking with him and finds it very funny. she likes fashion and being trendy and doesn’t shy away from revealing clothing, so people assume that means she wants romance or at least sex, but no. she’s fine

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

kon still visited her every now and then. she was familiarly simple and confusing—she’s his age and normal with normal problems. she’s superficial and selfish in the way many teenagers are. he came when he needed to be grounded, to be immersed in regular teenager-y. bianca found out about his death on the news. she still left food in her fridge for him, let nobody sit on his seat on her couch. she’s never felt so helpless. she’s never grieved so hard for someone she barely knew.

but she knew him, didn’t she? they were friends. she complained to him about school and boys and girls and friends and family. she told him things she hadn’t told anyone else and called him a fashionless loser in the same breath. he told her about his school, his team, his friends, his new...family, about ma and pa and clark and the farm, about his favorite cow, about how he struggles because he doesn’t know who he is seperate from superboy. all of that will die with him.

she wishes she had told him she considered him her friend.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

when kon comes back, she finds out from the news also. it takes a month for him to visit her. the first thing she does is call him an uncool asshole.

(ask game)

#asks #anon #ask game #bianca sb94 #sb94 tag

[oifaaa]

Please tell me how Roy’s characterisation was massacred for N52.

I understand how Jason and Roy’s relationship can be annoying where Roy never questions Jason and just follows him around blindly, never second guessing him. Roy is hard on himself and lacks self esteem and so thinks highly of Jason when really he should be angry, maybe even jealous of the power (all caste magic) Jason has. Then i get confused because I’d think someone going through a bout of depression and self hate and self medicating would have low self esteem and would think everyone is better than them and that they are a fuck up so isn’t that accurate portrayal of how awful Roy’s situation is?? Doesn’t that show the way Roy struggles just as he has pre N52?

Additionally Jason always compliments Roy on his greatness and abilities (Not in person which is annoying because grr he has to be manly and can’t compliment a friend) but in his little thought bubbles he’s always talking about how great Roy is and how grateful he is to have him.

Now this is where I get more confused because surely Roy respects Jason and through Jason’s monologues he clearly respects Roy though he may not say it out loud. The point is, people exaggerate so much how Roy is used as a crutch for Jason to look cool but Jason is constantly mentioning Roy and how important he is for the team. (Though I won’t deny there are times he may call him a goofball or undermine him but I mean cmon it’s literally ‘Red Hood’ and the outlaws, not ‘Titans’ where they’re equals, so it’s understandable that Jason would have swords and magic and stuff and save the day whilst Roy is not the main character). Idk I just haven’t noticed Roys character being MASSACRED when he’s with Jason.

People say Roy’s biggest trauma is having to be with Jason but I don’t know why that’s so bad like don’t just say it’s shit writing, fucking give me the evidence. (Sorry for the rant no offense to you what so ever). If the writing is so bad then blame the writer idk why Jason gets so much hate.

Anyway, please tell me how and why Rhato is the worst comics because I don’t think it’s that bad personally and I’d get shit for saying that.

Ps. This isn’t even about JayRoy or Lobdells disgusting history it’s literally just about why Rhato gets so much hate. I’m so confused so please explain /gen.

Thank you, have a nice day :)

Okay im gonna start this off by saying I think your looking at this the wrong way, your treating RHATO as just a stand alone story and if you want to know why people hate it you have to look at it in the broader context of it being a continuation of three different characters stories bc that is what it is - kory Roy and Jason are all pre established characters with rich backgrounds and personalities that have been building up for decades if you ignore these histories your gonna get push back from fans and Lobdell actually took it one step further

I'm gonna be short and sweet with this bc people more knowledgeable about roys character can put it way better then me but lets get straight to the point - the reason why people say Roy harper was massacred in RHATO is bc his whole character was changed- his back story, his relationships, his addiction, a lot of his personality and hell even his tattoos were changed and changed for the worse as a lot of it seemed to get done just to better suit Jason who was also changed a lot by lobdell but not to the extent that Roy was - a lot of it comes off like lobdell didn't even bother to read any comics with Roy in them before he decided to try and shove him into a role that wasn't suited for him which if your a long time Roy fan watching a character you adore get a complete overhaul just so he fits with the character the author uses as a self insert your gonna be a wee bit agitated

When your writing stories in the dc universe you have to be careful as a lot of these characters are main characters in their own right when they team up together sure you can focus on one more then the others but you have to be at least abit aware of each of the characters your including back stories motivations and personalities and what lobdell did was use the fact that the new 52 just happened as an excuse to create whole new characters with the same names as these much loved pre established characters and this rightfully pissed off a lot of people who loved these characters especially bc the things that happened in the n52 have had a lasting effect as these are the comics newer fans are reading and if your favourite character has been given a complete overhaul into a character you no longer recognise too bad a lot of people are gonna go forward only seeing Roy as Jason Todd's side character the guy in the baseball cap

#ask #anon #im one of those people that hate RHATO with a passion #i dont acknowledge it even exists half the time #but yeah if you like RHATO thats fine #nothings stopping you from liking it #just be aware that theres a reason why people dont like these comics #like i didnt even get into kory who imo had it the worst #like all these characters have been damaged by RHATO #but theres definitely a tear system #with jason at the bottom #then roy and at the top kori #and yeah i didnt get into the other stuff that makes RHATO the worst #but this post is already so long #and im not particularly fond of long posts so ill end it here

[lacrimosathedark]

hey!!!i just wanted to know what is your lian harper?and cheshire?and roy? i personally love them what about you

I'm guessing your asking my opinion on them?

I love Roy Harper. He's been through so much and struggled and been treated like shit but damn if he doesn't do his best to be the best dad ever. Man turned his life around entirely when he learned he had a kid and I genuinely love that for him. And when he's not written by dickbags he's also just so sweet as a whole while still acting like a cocky asshole and I love that about him.

Lian is a fucking angel, she's so sweet and pretty funny sometimes, and now she can kick ass and has blue hair and tats. Hell yeah. Love her. I also admittedly love the idea of heroes having kids. It makes stories so interesting, especially if you can get the kid's perspective. And gosh, little Lian also just loved her daddy so much it breaks my heart sometimes. At like not even 4 she could tell her dad was consistently depressed and didn't want to sleep and leave him alone I love her so much.

I hate Cheshire with the passion of a thousand suns. Jade Nguyen is a cold-blooded killer who actively enjoys the suffering she causes, takes pleasure in poisoning and murdering people, and not even her immense love for her daughter is enough to make her stop. To me, she is the worst fucking thing possible; a genuinely loving and not awful parent who is an unforgivably awful person. Lian's gonna have to face that eventually, and it won't be pretty. Unless they change Jade's entire character in an attempt to redeem her.

But last time Cheshire played anti-hero and protected Alleytown, not even a week later she tried to kill Jason and was talking about how she'd wanted to for a long time and was having a blast with it. She is irredeemable to me. Fuck her (but not literally that's caused historic changes in reality)

#I answered a thing #Roy Harper #Arsenal #Lian Harper #Cheshire Cat #Jade Nguyen #Cheshire

[shallowseeker]

Gosh, Chuck really set up Amara to trust Dean and then lose hope, didn't he?

What a cosmic dick!

The truth is: Amara's love was an immature love, a love of childhood, and even a little like Harper Sayles. In her own way, she's struggling with the Idealization of Apple Pie and the Romanticized Notion of the White Picket Fence.

In season 8, when Dean was reeling from total 24/7-360-degree war and the uncomfortable grayness of real-world civilian life, he too became fixated on an unobtainable concept of love (and people) as something that will never let you down.

In season 15, we find Amara dressed in vibrant hues and exploring life. And it's lovely that Amara has gained so much wisdom in her time spent individuating.

She encourages Chuck to see meaning in his creation. She lectures Dean about how "now is always better than then." She laments the loss of the opportunity to get to know Jack.

However, she's not integrated in terms of how she conceptualizes love, and in particular, she speaks of Dean in always-or-never statements.

AMARA: Like I told you when we first met, you and I will always help each other.

On accepting the wholeness of life, we can turn to Buddhist teacher Pema Chödrön, who wrote in her deeply insightful book When Things Fall Apart:

“We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.

Amara is a long, long way from the disillusionment necessary to truly see another person as a complex individual. She's a long way from the mature disillusionment-and-choosing of real relationships.

In season 15, it's even more of a contrast than usual, as it's flanked by the disagreement-and-repair spousal dynamic that characterizes Dean-and-Cas. Dean became disillusioned with Cas as early as season 4, when Cas and Uriel attacked Anna and especially so in season 6 during the Angelic Civil War. Cas became disillusioned with Dean as early as Dean giving in to Michael in season 5.

///

Chuck eases Amara into thinking that her love connection is real, in exactly the way she had conceptualized it:

CHUCK: The Winchesters have gotten to you, huh? Figures-- you and Dean have that whole weird... thing. AMARA (an awed, wondering smile): That wasn't you? Writing? CHUCK: Ugh! Not that part. Gross. Amara gives another, privately pleased little smile.

Then, once the plan he knows is brewing springs into action, he in turn snaps his jaws shut on her. He'd been grooming her for hopelessness and slaughter all along. And so, he consumes her.

AMARA: No, but... but Dean can't hurt me. CHUCK: No, but he can lie to you. He could send you into the meat grinder with a wink and a smile.

He capitalizes on and then leverages her naivete to cannibalize her. He cuts off her development in order to use her as fuel. "She's in here somewhere," is so ominous. It calls to mind how Amara talked about the beings she devoured, not an egalitarian shared mind-space of equals.

CHUCK: Look, I get it. You wanted him to care about you, but humans... they'll break your heart every time.

Chuck thrives on hopelessness.

#chuck & amara #spn amara #amara is the hidden love #amor #the darkness #Angra Mainyu #spn gods who eat souls #amara + soul eater #cosmic hierachy #amara as apex predator #chuck shurley #spn chuck #spn god #spn the light #spn season 15

[steveyockey]

[full article text below]

At one time in New York City, if you wanted to see Michael Jackson, you looked for Jordan Neely. Even among the performers in Times Square, who get every high-pitched “ee-hee” right and moonwalk seamlessly, Neely was exceptional. “He’s actually famous here,” YouTuber and Jackson fan Gadget Trish said about Neely on May 3, two days after he was killed by another passenger on the F train. Moses Harper called him more than an impersonator — he was a “tribute artist.”

In the wake of Neely’s murder on May 1, the community of Michael Jackson impersonators and fans, who call themselves a “fanmily,” is mourning the loss of one of their own. The person they saw referred to in the press as an “aggressive homeless man” with an arrest record was a talented friend and fellow performer. Brenna Crowley, who knew Neely, wrote on Facebook that it had been years since she’d seen him, “but I was always in awe seeing him dance when I did.” He had something special.

Also on Facebook, Harper recounted first meeting a “kind-hearted, sweet” Neely in 2009 as a wunderkind teenager performing as Jackson in Times Square. He was just 16 and didn’t even have a costume yet, but she was struck by his genuine interactions with the crowd and his obvious love for performing. “The tourists, they adored him,” she said. Neely asked Harper, a fellow tribute artist, for dance tips, and honed his craft over the next few years, eventually buying a jacket with epaulets and mastering the full look. “He became known,” Harper said. “I loved watching it.”

Lance Clarke, an attorney, first saw Neely perform as Jackson at a family member’s birthday party ten years ago. Neely “was the guy,” he told me over the phone. “The kids thought he really was Michael.” Over the years, Clarke said he frequently saw Neely performing on the A train, but he appeared to be going through progressively harder times. “First he was performing with the costume, then the costume got tattered,” he said. “Then no costume. Then he couldn’t do the moves, the kicks. Then no performing at all.” A few years ago, Clarke brought Neely home with him and gave him some food and a few bags of clothes. “He put his soul into performing and after a few years on the street, he had no soul left,” Clarke says. “He was just begging for help.”

It also would have been hard for him to make a living as a subway performer, according to TT, the manager and backup dancer for another MJ impersonator named “Michael’s Mirror.” “Full-time MJ impersonators mostly do the Vegas circuit and shows like Legends in Concert,” she told me. “But Jordan never seemed to know how good he was. I guess that he performed in the subway and streets just because he loved it so much.”

Relatives of Neely’s have said that he suffered from severe mental-health issues stemming from the loss of his mother, who was killed by Neely’s stepfather in 2007, when Neely was only 14. They described his condition worsening over the last several years — particularly the last two, according to one close family friend. Harper said on Facebook that she had also seen Neely struggling. When she last saw him in 2016, “he tried to put his head down and walk past me and I said, ‘No, no, no.’ ‘You’re getting off at the next stop with me.’” She lost track of him after that. But people in the MJ community kept searching. TT said she was looking for Neely in the last few months, hoping he might perform at a June tribute to Jackson. “It wasn’t just me, there were a lot of us who were looking for him,” Harper said. “It’s tragic that this is how we found him.”

#jordan neely #💗 #ask to tag

[skylertheminish]

Harper has a slight problem

Notch caught the virus that Ceru was sick with

And now Harper is struggling with a sick Ceruledge of their own, only on a bigger scale

To say Zander was happy to help in anyway he can would be a huge understatement. He owed Harper so much for looking after the little knights and especially for putting up with a sick little Ceru. She was still ill but has made a significant recovery thanks to Harper and Notch's efforts... and patience.

He had stopped at the local Pokémon centre on his way over to get any medicine and such required to treat a sickly, fully grown Ceruledge. This was going to be a challenge for himself too. Zander knew that the nicest Pokémon on earth could be the biggest grump when ill. And treating a Pokémon like a Ceruledge was going to put his confidence and courage to the test.

Arriving at an actually decent time, Zander hurried to fetch everything he brought out of the car. From a surprisingly small bag of medicine to a plethora of berries known to help alleviate symptoms and tasty treats to help mask the medicine, and reward Notch's patience and tolerance. And some tea for everyone.

Last thing everyone needed was Harper and Zander themselves getting ill.

With two bags full in each hand, Zander walked, well more like waddled, over to the door and tried to press the knock as best as he could, and preferably without using his foot.

"Hello?.... I'm hear to talk about your extended warranty" of course he couldn't resist making that awful joke.

#pokemon #ceruledge #ceruledge the smol #answered asks #the spam specialist #lore of the knights #poor Notch getting ill ;w;

[alyssapoprocks]

I just finished Heartbreak High, and while I loved it, I have so many issues that I don't see enough people talking about.

Like, first off, Harper and Dusty raped Malaki. Plain and simple. Malaki was completely out of it, was in complete shock from the police brutality - he didn't even speak to them after they arrived to comfort him. He was not in the place to consent to one person, let alone two.

Then the way the show handled this with Malaki clearly having been uncomfortable the day after, but just forgiving Harper while acting like Dusty was the sole bad guy?

And then, Dusty being framed like a terrible person because he didn't like seeing another guy fuck his girlfriend? Like, I get he was in the threesome too, he sexually assaulted him too, but he wasn't in the wrong for being uncomfortable with the situation after the come down. He wasn't wrong for disliking seeing another guy fuck his girlfriend. But the show frames it like he's some unreasonable controlling guy. Both and and Harper fucking suck for that scene, but only Dusty was treated like he was in the wrong, Harper played the victim card and acted like SHE got hurt. The only victim in that entire threesome was Malaki.

Like the way Harper just got a free pass for her part in that infuriates me.

Then let's talk about Darren and their fucking awful tirade at Cash about not wanting sex. Infuriating.

The double standards that people hold towards straight couples and gay ones will never cease to piss me off, and this relationship is no exception.

I shipped Cash and Darren pretty much from the get go. They were incredibly cute, and Cash genuinely looked at Darren like they were the only person in the world.

But the second Darren went on that awful rant about how fucked up and awful Cash is because he doesn't want to sleep with them? Yeah that was the moment I hated their relationship.

The way gay characters are just allowed to get away with being assholes around sex because they're uwu gay is fucking annoying (see: Eric in S3 of Sex Education and how people still want him and Adam together after Eric literally attempted to coerce and force him into sex when Adam wasn't ready).

Like, picture the exact same situation with Malaki and Amerie for instance. If that scene in Malaki's bedroom hadn't ended with them having sex but instead Amerie choosing not to go through with it and then Malaki going in on her for being "fucked up". People wouldn't want them together. People would hate Malaki. So why does Darren get a pass just because they're in a relationship with a man?

As an asexual person, Cash's representation was absolutely everything to me. It was the first time ever seeing myself on screen. The fact they didn't have him give in and sleep with Darren, the fact they kept the story going that he didn't want to, and he wasn't a bad person for doing so. Beautiful. The scene in the admin building where he's talking about it, gorgeous, I was sobbing.

But fuck Darren. Fuck Darren for insulting and making someone who clearly is already struggling and confused about things (I know when I was a teenager and seeing all these sex obsessed peers and feeling alienated and confused because I didn't relate and couldn't understand why).

If someone treated me and my asexuality the way Darren treated Cash, I'd never want them near me again.

And finally, this is less about the show and more about people blaming Cash for what happened to Harper.

Cash was very clearly a victim of this gang. He very clearly didn't want to be there, and while not stated explicitly, it's implied his mother probably either had something to do with the gang - or was the reason Cash was involved in the first place.

I see people acting like Cash should have stopped the three guys - but how? Cash was tiny! He was skinny and very clearly not muscled, the three other guys were significantly bigger than him.

Cash says himself, if he had tried to stop them, he would have had the shit kicked out of him and left for dead. And then what? Harper wouldn't have gotten out of that car. She wouldn't have gotten away. He couldn't stop them taking her, but he saved her life still.

Cash was very clearly shown to be scared of the gang, he very clearly didn't enjoy it. He wanted a normal life. I doubt he chose to be there.

I feel the people saying he should have stopped them or that he chose to hang out with them don't understand how gangs work. It's not as easy as just leaving. You don't just walk away from a gang. 9/10 times leaving a gang means getting killed, families getting targeted, friends getting targeted. You don't think Cash would have been terrified they'd go after Darren? His gran.

I'll say it again, Cash was a victim. Not in the same sense as Harper, but a victim nonetheless.

There's a reason Harper wanted him out of jail at the end.

#heartbreak high #heartbreak high spoilers #stop giving female characters and gay characters free passes to be shit #fuck darren #rant #spoilers

[redheadgleek]

Books read October-December

My goal was to read 120 books this year. I just finished number 129. (Some of these I reviewed as part of my WWW posts).

October:

Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt. I had high expectations for this book, as it had been so praised, and I felt let down by it. Still enjoyable, but needed more octopus. Gender Queer by Maia Kobabe. Read as part of Banned Books week. The Romance Rx by Kathryn Riya. I wanted more medicine and medicine-related residency drama. Unraveling: What I Learned about Life While Shearing Sheep, Dyeing Wool, and Making the World’s Ugliest Sweater by Peggy Orenstein. Just a really lovely memoir about life changing and feeling present in the world. The Unfortunate Side Effects of Heartbreak and Magic by Breanne Randall. Such a disappointing book. Deerskin by Robin Mckinley. Reread. Not my favorite book of hers, but it’s still a great retelling.

November:

Kaikeyi by Vaishnavi Patel. A retelling of an old Hindu religious myth, a story I was only passingly familiar with. I enjoyed the world building, I had trouble with some of the motivations of the characters. And I think it’s hard to write a retelling of a story that a major religion is based on. Piranesi by Susanna Clarke. This is such a wonderful book, with the mystery and characters slowly being revealed. The Halcyon Fairy Book by T. Kingfisher. Just witty retellings of fairy tales with a lot of humor and grim. The Anthropocene Reviewed: Essays on a Human-Centered Planet by John Green. I really loved this collection of essays on our world. Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge, and the Teachings of Plants by Robin Wall Kimmerer. Audiobook. A beautiful exploration of our connection with the world and how we can heal that relationship. The Bookish Life of Nina Hill by Abby Waxman. Library find. Cute light book, (although if I had a boss who didn’t pay the rent for 6 months straight and I was threatened with losing my job because of it, I wouldn’t be all “oh she’s just that way”) but one that I probably won’t remember in a year or two. The Twisted Ones by T. Kingfisher. The atmosphere in this book is almost its own character. I loved the secondary characters, but the middle sagged a lot. Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros. I struggled so much with the beginning, because the set up was so ridiculous. It picked up after that and ended strongly. I don’t know how she’s going to write a 5 book series though. The Magical Language of Others by E.J. Koh. NPR did a write up on her debut novel, but it wasn’t available at the library. It was a quick read but I found the writing to be confusing in places and lacking in emotional growth. Check & Mate by Ali Hazelwood. Charming, nerdy, engaging. Just a fun new adult book. Sweet Like Jasmine: Finding Identity in a Culture of Loneliness by Bonnie Gray. This book was not for me. Ugh. The Ladies of Grace Adieu, and Other Stories by Susanna Clarke. Audiobook. Just a lot of fun going back into the world of Jonathan Strange. I really want her to write a prequel with The Raven King. Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir. I loved Rocky and the ending. Part of Your World by Abby Jimenez. Still on the lookout for the perfect doctor romance. This one was enjoyable and mostly accurate.

December:

Mister Magic by Kiersten White. Payback’s a Witch by Lana Harper. Gwen and Art Are Not in Love by Lex Croucher. Paladin’s Grace, Paladin’s Strength, Paladin’s Hope by T. Kingfisher. Reread these in anticipation of the release of her latest Saints of Steel’s book. Just excellent world building and romance and humor. Know My Name by Chanel Miller. Book club book. Harrowing memoir, but what I really appreciated was the description of how the justice system is so awful for victims. Paladin’s Faith by T. Kingfisher. I cannot wait for the other 3 books. Yours Truly by Abby Jimenez, the sequel to Part of Your World. I liked this one better and it was almost the doctor romance that I’ve been craving. The School for Good Mothers by Jessamine Chan. I’d read it if you like dystopian novels, but I’m still grousing about how the villains were single, childless women. A Restless Truth by Freya Marske. Reread. I liked it better than the first time, maybe because I skipped over a lot of the romance (it’s a trope that I just don’t like). Carry on by Rainbow Rowell. Reread, audiobook. The audiobook was a lot of fun and I’ve forgotten a lot of details in the last 5+ years. A Power Unbound by Freya Marske. A satisfying conclusion to the trilogy, but the first book was definitely the best of them all. Bookshops & Bonedust by Travis Baldree. The prequel to Legends & Lattes, which I adored last year, and I think I liked this one even better.

#books #reading #reading goals 2023 #books 2023

[liaromancewriter]

Headcanons: Ethan & Cassie

Relationship Dynamics

What was your MC’s reasoning to not hate Ethan at the beginning?

When do you think that Ethan became *aware* that MC was interested in him?

How did Ethan and Cassie adjust to their differences in financial situation?

What is Cassie and Ethan's love language?

What is it about Ethan & Cassie’s relationship that makes it work better than Ethan & Harper’s relationship worked?

From your Ethan's perspective, how was the time he spent in the Amazon?

What was it about Cassie that made her the one to get Ethan to snapping at that bait?

Is it important to Cassie that little fact of being “the only one” for Ethan?

What makes Ethan and Cassie unique as a couple?

What was the moment that first made their heart soft for the other person?

When did they know they were in love and wanted to get married?

What’s your Ethan’s relationship history? Does Cassie get jealous?

Flirtations

Who is flirted with the most by strangers and colleagues?

As Cassie is oblivious to people flirting with her, does she ever accidentally flirt back?

Is your Ethan the jealous type?

Has someone ever tried to get between Ethan and Cassie?

How would your MC react if their LI got a lap dance or vice versa?

Working Dynamics

How are Cassie and Ethan at work?

How do Ethan and Cassie go to work? Do they have lunch together?

How did your OH pairings handle MC studying for their boards?

How does Cassie rank their job/career and their feelings for Ethan in their priorities list?

Do you think it would be somehow inappropriate if Ethan had a mentee in the same capacity MC was to him in book 1, once he and Cassie are dating/married?

After Cassie, was there ever an intern that caught Ethan’s attention in the same way professionally?

MC hears Ethan call a new intern "Rookie". How would your MC react?

Cassie’s insecurities about Ethan's relationship with Harper

Book Moments

What did your MC do post the chapter 10 kiss?

How did MC and Ethan feel about him coming back to Edenbrook after the ethics trial?

Did MC’s relatives show up during/after the attack?

How did Cassie react when she found out June had her employee file?

Everyday Life

Why did Cassie only move in with Ethan two weeks before they got married?

Is there something both pairings struggled with about each other when they moved in together?

What Boston neighborhood do you HC Ethan to live in when he is single? And later as a couple?

Cassie's car and driving habits

Ethan's car and driving habits

What was Ethan & MC’s favorite movie when they were kids?

How do they react to bad dreams?

Their downtimes activities and who's the goofy one?

Do your MC‘s and or OC‘s practice any type of sports?

Married Life

Did Cassie and Ethan sign a prenup?

Has Ethan or your MC ever lost their wedding/engagement ring?

Did your pairings ever go to couples counseling/therapy for any reason(s)?

What does Ethan do to make your MC feel special and loved when he's away for work?

What if they want to be alone? Are sick or suffered a traumatic event?

Does Max and Sienna's pregnancy trigger Ethan and Cassie to talk about children?

Have MC or Ethan ever had a disagreement with their In-Laws?

The future, pets, biggest fear and next of kin - multiple questions

On Religion

Has there been a situation when your pairing disagreed 100%?

What does Ethan and your MC feel about religion? Do they agree about it?

Did it ever feel like a dealbreaker knowing how different they think/felt about religion?

How did it feel for Ethan to do a religious ritual for his kids since he doesn't believe in those things?

How did it feel for Ethan to be part of a baptism ritual when he 100% doesn't believe what he's saying?

Sex Life

Before they moved in together, where did Ethan and Cassie usually have sex?

Tell me about Ethan's and Cassie's first time. Was it good, was it awful?

What do you HC Ethan's body count to be? And Cassie's?

What’s your pairing’s opinion on hickeys/love bites?

More NSFW asks

What If...

If they would’ve met somewhere else, do you think they would’ve noticed each other?

What if Ethan came from a family of doctors and Cassie came from a working class background?

Would Ethan have been the same one he is now if he came from a rich family?

What if Ethan and Cassie were rivals who were both competing for a spot on the diagnostics team?

What if Cassie had broken her promise and left Edenbrook whilst E was away fighting the epidemic?

Would Ethan or Cassie feel weird getting involved if either had been involved with an ex?

What if scenario: Naveen doesn’t choose Cassie for the DT (end of Book 1) so she and Ethan can have a chance to be together?

If MC wanted the reset, do you think that would’ve helped Ethan overcome his feelings?

If MC had gotten pregnant during 1.15 would Ethan have stepped up?

How different would book 1 be if your MC were in a relationship when she started her intern year?

How do you think they would have met if they had not met in the waiting room?

Would Ethan/Cassie ever date/marry someone who was not a doctor?

If Cassie hadn't met Ethan, who would the love of her life have been?

If Ethan passed away, say, 10 years into their relationship, what would Cassie's life look like?

What if Cassie found out that she was pregnant whilst Ethan was in the Amazon and then miscarried?

#open heart #liaverse headcanons #ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey x cassie valentine #cassie valentine