#he's just perfect i really need to rant about this man being soooo beautiful | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hermionegranger56 · 3 years

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a v late recap of evermore

so i think Taylor Swift sensed that i was Going Through It and was like here you sad bitch, here’s another surprise album to help fix all that. cause good lord evermore is just what i (and i think we all) needed. i truly TRULY can’t believe we’re lucky enough to get a sister album to folklore, i love it so much. the first day it was out i drove myself 2 hours to the very end of the Cape and sat on an empty beach and cried to it and honestly??? magical. here are my thoughts on it that no one asked for:

first, as an overall here, this album complements folklore so well. it’s the spring to folklore’s autumn, it’s self-assured and warm and beautiful. each album shows off her lyrical genius so well and she only grows stronger here. when folklore came out, i was floored because the music was so different for her and so up my alley. each song’s production sucked me in and it was like she was confidently telling us “here is another genre i can work with” (masterfully at that). evermore feels different. it feels like Taylor is so comfortable in this creative space, she isn’t trying to fit into any new molds or expectations, she is just HERE, now, saying “this is who i am and this is my craft”. it’s really been a privilege to watch her grow as an artist. ok. here we go

willow:

god the video was so beautiful, a really good continuation of cardigan. the chorus is so so delicate and prettyyy, thats MY MAN ughhh its so good. it reminds me a lot of invisible string tbh, or if betty from cardigan grew up and found love. this is really one of my favorites, she starts so strong

fave lines: “the more that you say, the less i know/ wherever you stray I follow/ i’m begging for you to take my hand/ wreck my plans, that’s my man”; “life was a willow and it bent right to your wind”

champagne problems:

oh dear god, it’s if all too well and new years day had a baby and it is a MASTERPIECE. i can picture it all, college sweethearts, broken hearts, i feel like its new england at christmas, ivy league old money…its cinematic. and it gets at the feeling like you’ll never be good enough so you leave before that happens (basically before you get to the tolerate it stage??) and OOF. AND GODDAMN THE RANTING BRIDGE (illicit affairs came close on folklore but i think THIS might be the best bridge since All Too Well). I’ve screamed it a lot tbh

fave lines: BRIDGE BABYYYYYY EVERY SINGLE PERFECT WORD. WHAT A SHAME SHES FUCKED IN THE HEADDDD

gold rush:

this one is bright and lovely and catchy!! it reminds me a lot of mirrorball tbh, all like swirly and magical. i can’t even put it into words but i can see this one so clearly. its all rosy and golden

fave lines: “eyes like sinking ships on waters/ so inviting, i almost jump in”; “what must it be like to grow up that beautiful?/with your hair falling into place like dominoes/ I see me padding across your wooden floors/ with my Eagles t-shirt hanging from your door”; “the coastal town we wandered round/ had never seen a love as pure as it”; “my mind turns your life into folklore”

’tis the damn season:

UGH I FUCKING LOVE THIS ONE EVEN THOUGH IT MAKES ME WANNA TEXT MY EX. the melody is SOOOO satisfying, the progression to “write this down”, i’m obsessed. the idea of being home for the holidays and feeling a little lost and tired and nostalgic for what could have been is something superrrr relatable. this song reminds me of snowy drives around my hometown in the best/worst possible way hahah. one of my top 5 for sure.

fave lines: “we could call it even/ you could call me babe for the weekend/ tis the damn season, write this down/i’m staying at my parents house/ and the road not taken looks real good now”; “and wonder about the only soul/ who can tell which smiles i’m faking”

tolerate it:

oh honeyyyyy this track 5 packs a punch, i mean the lyrics are absolutely BRUTAL in the best way. it’s just so sad, and encompasses a lot of my own insecurity about always feeling like you’re more invested in a relationship and watching someone fall out of love or just stop caring. i LOVE the “my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it”, like bitch YES your love should be celebrated. also taylor sounds angelic on the “I” at the start of the chorus

fave lines: “i know my love should be celebrated/ but you tolerate it”; “i made you my temple, my mural, my sky/ now i’m begging for footnotes in the story of your life”; “what would you do if I/break free and leave us in ruins/ took this dagger in me and removed it”

no body, no crime:

YESSSSSSSSS I LOVE THE SUBGENRE OF COUNTRY ABOUT WOMEN KILLING SHITTY HUSBANDS AND THIS SONG IS SO FUCKING GOOD AHHHHH!! I LOVE the beat, i love country taylor, i love the addition of HAIM. UGH ITS SO CATCHYYYY, like i’m obsessed with the slide from “i think he did it but i just. can’t. prove itttttt NOOO no body no crime” UGHHH this is without a doubt in my top five

fave lines: “she thinks i did it but she just can’t prove it”

happiness:

I heard this one described as an emotional marathon and holy shit it is, each line is a sucker punch. i really like how it feels like a conversation and looks at the acceptance and pain that mingle together when a relationship just…ends. her lyrics are unmatched on this album but this is a particularly strong track

fave lines: “i haven’t met the new me yet”; “when did all our lessons start to look like weapons/ pointed at my deepest hurt”; “there is a glorious sunrise/ dappled with the flickers of light/ from the dress i wore at midnight”

dorothea:

this one feels like Betty 2.0 and its so sweet and bright and also kinda sad. it’s wistful!! that’s the word i want, wistful! the vibe is gives off reminds me of Red, like musically. it’s home-y. idk if that makes sense but i like it a lot

fave lines: and if you’re ever tired of being known for who you know/ you know, you’ll always know me”

coney island:

ugh this one is magical, i honestly really love the instrumental to this one, it’s so soothing. the lyrics to me feel like you’re in some dream state, going through every heartbreak you’ve ever been through. I love the addition of The National, the vocals fit together so well (and I like it better than both Bon Iver features i think??)

fave lines: do you miss the rogue/ who coaxed you into paradise and left you there/ will you forgive my soul/ who you’re too wise to trust me and too old to care?”

ivy:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (that’s how i feel about this absolute masterpiece oh my GOD) it makes me so incandescently happy, the folk feel, the lyrics that are so cinematic and poetic and paint such a clear picture (to me) of two Victorian lovers who are in unhappy marriages but don’t let that stop their love. the chorus just like….fills my whole chest, the OH GODDAMN hits so different. and i want “my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand” tattooed on me, that is one of her BEST lines and i will die on that hill. its all so pretty, i can’t deal. the vibe also strongly reminds me of a) invisible string and b) Little Women (2019). i think taylor should do folk and uhhhh only folk please

fave lines: EVERY WORD BUT ESPECIALLY: “i’d meet you where the spirit meets the bone/ in a faith forgotten land”; “oh goddamn/ my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand/ taking mine, but its been promised to another/ oh, i can’t/ stop you putting roots in my dreamland/ my house of stone, your ivy grows/ and now I’m covered in you”; “he wants what’s only yours”; “clover blooms in the field/ springs breaks loose, time is near“; ”so yeah, it’s a fire/ its a goddamn blaze in the dark and you started it”

cowboy like me:

ALL RIGHT everyone sleeps on this song but oh my GOD its so good!! it’s smooth and dreamy and gives me that old fashioned, bonnie and clyde type love story and some of the lyrics are so poetic. I really love the addition of the Tim McGraw chords too???? BUT DEAR GOD COULD WE HAVE GIVEN MARCUS MUMFORD MORE OF A ROLE HERE??!! HE SOUNDS WONDERFUL, GIVE HIM A FEATURE, GIVE HIM A WHOLE VERSE. THIS IS A FOLK ALBUM TAYLOR, USE FUCKING MUMFORD AHHHH (i fucking love him omg)

fave lines: “dancin’ is a dangerous game”; “you’re a bandit like me/ eyes full of stars”; “now you hang from my lips/ like the Gardens of Babylon/ with your boots beneath my bed/ forever is the sweetest con”

long story short:

A BOP!! GIVE ME SOME HAPPINESS TAYLOR WOO! I really love how catchy this one is. it feels like her introducing the craziness of her life to joe and being like look all of that was tough but here i am now and I couldn’t be happier. It’s refreshing, self-deprecating and endearing. I couldn’t love it more and it is ALWAYS stuck in my head!

fave lines: “and he’s passing by/ rare as the glimmer of a comet in the sky”; “long story short I survived”

marjorie:

ha hahah hah ha this one ENDS me, like dear LORD i need to call my grandma immediately. it is so so GOOD and SAD, like the you don’t know how good something or someone is until they’re gone, but even then, they’re still there with you. I love the grandma wisdom of “never be so clever you forget to be kind” etc. and holy SHIT the addition of Taylor’s grandmother’s opera singing as background vocals is GENIUS AND DEVASTATING, god the part where she goes “i’d think you were singing with me now” and then Marjorie comes in is honestly one of the most beautiful musical moments i’ve heard in a hot minute and it breaks me every time. wow.

fave lines: “never be so polite/ you forget your power/ never wield such power/ you forget to be polite”; “the autumn chill that wakes me up/ you loved the amber sky so much”; “and if i didn’t know better/ i’d think you were singing to me now”

closure:

ok i’m sorry, this is my only skip here. I really do love the lyrics and the idea of, yeah no you don’t deserve closure from me. i just can’t get past the pots and pans beginning, its too chaotic. but i’m sure it’ll grow on me! it does feel like finally moving on and i do love that about it

fave lines: “don’t treat me like/ some situation that needs to be handled”; “i know i’m just a/ wrinkle in your new life/ staying friends would/ iron it out so nice”

evermore:

god her voice is SO soothing in this one, it’s literally hypnotic. the song itself feels wandering and dark at first, like you’re stuck in this depression, and then bon iver comes in and it picks up and it feels like coming out of the trees, into the sunlight and finding your way again. finding that the pain WOULDNT be for evermore like she says. it feels like an ending and a beginning. beautiful

fave lines: “writing letters/ addressed to the fire”; “and when i was shipwrecked/ i thought of you/ in the cracks of light/ i dreamed of you”; “and i was catching my breath/ floors of the cabin creaking under my step/ and i couldn’t be sure/ i had a feeling so peculiar/ this pain wouldn’t be for evermore”

#taylor swift #evermore #tswift #evermore album #willow #champagne problems

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borathae · 4 years

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Hey... about the drabbles? Could you do one where you're supposed to have a first date with one of them but either you or he gets in a minor accident but has to stay at the hospital overnight and the other person is extremely hurt and therefore angry bc their (hard to get) trust was "used to hurt them" but then they find out and it's fluffy? And could you maybe do it with yoongi bc atm I'm so soft for him like 🥺 Thank you, love your work❤ ~procrastinating anon

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Warnings: low self-esteem, self-hatred, heartbreak, descriptions of minor injuries nothing major I promise, so much pain and sadness; but I promise the ending is fluffy and healing

Wordcount: 2k (I’m so bAD AT KEEPING THINGS SHORT jsjsjs)

a/n: I apologize for the total angst fest in the beginning jsjsjsj. This was not how I actually planned it, but I let my feelings flow free soooo I’m sorry? 🤧😂 also lisTEN I relate so muCH I’m so goddamn soft for Yoongi lately, this man owns my heart 🥺😭 I hope you enjoy this cute little drabble and I love youuu! 💜

Today you were supposed to have your first date with a cute guy, who you had been chatting with for quite some time now. Two months and six days to be exact. Min Yoongi was his name. Min Yoongi was currently working as a music producer, he was the proud father of a brown toy poodle named Holly and had a soft spot for holding hands. His hair was dark, almost black with the ends twisted in soft locks. His eyes, the prettiest eyes you had ever seen, made you giddy just thinking about them. Oh how many hours you have spend getting lost in them when you looked through the many selcas he had sent you.

At first you didn’t even want to accept his chat-request, too scared made you the thought of talking to someone again feel. Quite honestly you had terribly bad luck in your relationships – lovers and friends alike – you got cheated on, got used and abandoned when you were no longer of use, got called ‘not lovable’ and worse things you don’t even want to think about anymore. So downloading “the best dating app on earth” – so your best friend called it – was the scariest thing you had done in forever, followed by pressing “accept” on Yoongi’s request to chat and actually answering his dorky but loveable first message.

Yoongi turned out to be the sweetest and most understanding guy – person actually – you had ever talked to. He listened to your worries and told you without a hint of hesitation that he would love it if things would developat a speed you were comfortable with and that you can take as much as time as you needed.

He agreed on your terms to not rush meeting in person, because god that would make you practically have a full-on panic attack. That was the first time you had honestly smiled in a long time, rereading his message over and over again, you weren’t able to believe your luck.

Time passed and with it your trust grew. You were chatting on a daily basis with him by now, wishing him a good morning and waiting excitedly for his good night phone calls at exactly ten twenty every night. You felt totally comfortable with him. You felt safe to be yourself around him, even if it was just through the phone. You felt sexy when you noticed the way his eyes travelled over your features when phones calls weren’t enough anymore and they turned into video calls. You felt loved and you were pretty sure the warm, fuzzy feeling in your chest every time you thought of him was love too.

So when Yoongi asked you if you wanted to meet up in person soon, your heart practically did somersaults in your chest. You had never typed “Yes!” faster in your life and judging by his quick answer neither had he.

The date was settled, two days from now you will meet each other in a little corner café. You couldn’t sleep in excitement, your mind was practically racing with scenarios of your date.

When the time finally came, you spend the entire day getting ready for your date, washing your hair, moisturizing every inch of your skin, picking out the perfect outfit. You showed up an hour earlier than arranged, just so you could mentally prepare yourself for finally seeing him in person. You were so excited.

One hour passed. Half an hour passed. You sent him a quick text asking if he was running late. He went online, typed and went offline before his message was able to reach you.

Two hours had passed since you came here. You quickly send Yoongi another message, asking him if he forgot about today.

Half an hour passed. No answer, no calls, no nothing.

Another thirty minutes pass and here you are still sitting at the corner café and waiting for him.

Today should have been epic, exciting, remarkable, unforgettable. You were so sure it would bring a smile to your face every time you think about it. How could you be so wrong about that? You trusted him, you believed him when he told you he wouldn’t use you, you ate up his promises of support and comfort without as much as patting your stupid eyelashes.

You call him. It rings once then his voice mail tells you he isn’t available right now. He really rejected your call just like that.

So he just used you. You should blame him and be angry at him, but truth be told you weren’t. You were just hurt, so deeply hurt you have to look down your chest for a moment to see if you were actually bleeding. You honestly feel like you do.

Without any hesitation you block his number, block his social media profiles and delete all of his pictures. And just like that he is out of your life, your ability to trust is ruined for another year and your heart is broken.

Three days pass where your life consists of nothing more than crying yourself awake, forcing yourself to go to work and then continuing where you had left of in the morning when you go to sleep. You would have probably continued your daily routine if an unknown number hadn’t called you on the morning of your fourth day. The caller turns out to be Kim Seokjin, best friend of Yoongi who had stolen your number out of Yoongi’s notebook and who had made it his plan to explain everything.

Yoongi had gotten into an accident on the day of your date. The “idiot” – so Seokjin called him – walked into the busy street and got hit by a car because he was in the midst of typing out a message. He was lucky, nothing major happened. His right shoulder got dislocated and whilst getting thrown across the street he hit his head, resulting in a slight concussion. The entirety of guardian angels must have been with him on that day, so Seokjin said, the doctors told him such an accident results in death or life-changing injuries most of the times.

As quickly as possible you are the hospital Yoongi is currently recovering at and find yourself standing in front of his room with shaking hands. Would it be awkward between the two of you after everything that had happened? What if you look at him and won’t feel the same warm love you had felt for him before?

A nurse opens the door before you can even knock, eyeing from head to toe before greeting you with a bright smile. It’s now or never. With held breath you enter the small hospital room.

“Yoongi?”you almost whisper, tiptoeing to his bed.

You have to take a deep breath when you finally take a look at him. All the feelings you wanted to push down and forget come rushing back into your heart, overwhelming you. You stumble back, holding onto the footboard of his bed.

He looks just as beautiful as he did through the phone screen, maybe even prettier if you were being honest. Even in his current asleep state he is able to take your breath away. His eyes are closed, his lips slightly parted as steady breaths make his chest heave up and down. He looks so peaceful and calm, despite the white bandages covering the entire top part of his head and his right arm resting in a black sling.

Waking him up feels so cruel, but god, leaving him without having said hello feels so much worse. So you call his name loudly and gently tap his foot. He stirs, licking over his lips and swallows. His eyes flutter open. He mumbles your name, totally confused and still half-asleep.

“Hey”, yousay shyly.

“Hey, wow what a nice dream, these pain meds are awesome”, he murmurs, closing his eyes again.

“This isn’t a dream. I’m really here”, you chuckle.

“Seriously?” he gasps, surprisingly high-pitched for his normally deep voice. He sits up abruptly, hissing when hot pain rushes through his shoulder.

“Careful”, you rush to his side and help him sit up with a hand on his upper back, “you are still hurt.”

You sit down at the corner of his bed, careful not to hurt him.

“Yeah, for a second I nearly forgot about that”, he chuckles in pain, “how do you even know I am here? I thought you blocked me.”

You cringe at his words. So he noticed.

“Uhm, yeah I have. I, I mean had. I kind of had a slight mental breakdown when you ditched me at the café and I blocked you everywhere and deleted all of your pictures and basically locked your memory behind a big steel door in my mind and I swore to myself to never trust again.”

“Understandable”, Yoongi says. He takes your hand, squeezing it gently. You don’t even realise his gesture, too lost in rambling your thoughts out loud. It makes Yoongi tighten his hand around yours just all the more as a fond smile hushes over his face. You are so adorable when you rant like this and forget everything around you.

“But then your friend Seokjin called me”, you continue as if nothing happened, “and explained everything and now I feel like a total idiot for ever believing that you used me and at first I didn’t even want to come because I was too embarrassed, but then I started to miss you and-“, you pause to take a look at Yoongi.

A fond smile sits on his face, his eyes sparkle in adoration. Heat washes over your face as you start to blush vividly. You can’t even look into his eyes right now.

“I was rambling again. I’m so sorry. You probably think that I’m crazy right now”, you cringe, “sorry.”

“Actually I was thinking how cute you are right now”, Yoongi says softly, giving your hand another squeeze.

One you finally feel and one that sends in your body into complete overdrive. Your heart starts racing, your whole face becomes as red as a tomato, you stutter an answer but give up when you can’t even get out one basic word.

“I’m glad that you came”, he breathes.

You smile as an answer, squeezing his hand.

“It’s not an outfit I would normally wear nor is the location nice for a first date, but I hope that, I don’t know, it is still enough to give me a second chance?” he asks, almost scared.

“Of course it’s enough, it wasn’t your fault that you missed our date. I know that now”, you reassure him, making him smile, “besides I think you look cute in that hospital gown. I like the little pandas on the fabric”, you giggle, touching one of the dozens of animals on his shirt.

Right above his heart, you can feel it speed up underneath your fingertip at your gesture.

“Just wait until you see the back, because there is basically none.”

“Oh my god Yoongi”, you gasp at the mental picture of Yoongi sitting here with his butt all bared and naked.

“I’m wearing underwear don’t worry”, he laughs.

“What a relief”, you giggle, lowering your head in giddiness.

He pulls you closer to his body, making you scoot up the bed until he can wrap his arm around your middle comfortably and your back is rested against his side. You are careful not to put too much pressure on his body in order not to hurt him, despite your body wanting to basically sink into his arms. God finally being able to feel his touch, his warmth, his heartbeat is even better than you had imagined.

“Please stop me if this is too fast for you. And also I know you don’t really start a first date by kissing the other person, but-“, he inhales shakily, staring at your lips longingly, “-can I kiss you?”

“Yes please”, you whisper, leaning closer to his body.

His hand comes to rest on the back of your neck, your own cups his cheek. You are staring at each other for as long as possible, mesmerized by the other. Only when your lips brush over his and a gentle sigh leaves his throat do your eyes flutter closed and the feeling of his soft lips on yours drowns you in warmth.

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kindredsoulsoftimesofold · 4 years

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Incoming TROS rant

yes, there will be spoilers as I will be breaking down everything I saw tonight. If I manage to type choking on my tears well after the movie finished.

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FINAL WARNING IF YOU DON’T WANT SPOILERS

Let’s start with a few opening words, this rant will indeed be a long one.

ALL THE LEAKS ARE TRUE. And I mean ALL of them. To a T. As soon as I saw the first half was exactly as I’d read, I was crushed. As I knew what was coming. On that note, i was probably the only person in the theatre who was crying like 15-20 minutes before we were supposed to, I’ll get to that in a bit. I’m saving the WORST for last. Let’s break this shit down.

1. The plot is a mess. An actual mess. I feel like every five minutes I was shaking my head and mumbling ‘what kind of nonsense is this’. The breaking of lore or COMMON SENSE really is substantial. But that is definitely not what I cared about, as I already KNEW this even without the leaks. When you can’t get your two directors to FUCKING WORK TOGETHER TO MAKE A COHESIVE STORYLINE it is bound to grasp for straws and make shit up. IT AIN’T NOTHING NEW.

2. Here’s the kicker. THE DIALOGUE WAS SO BAD, it makes Anakin’s AOTC speech seem like a hymn, or poetry or whatever. They CONSTANTLY say what they’re doing, they’re literally reciting the exposition to each other and it comes off as extremely annoying and makes you feel like a toddler. No hate against toddlers, but I’d rather not be one right now. It feels unnatural, forced and STUPID to the point where I would start WISHING for 3PO to come back on screen because Anthony Daniels somehow managed to snag some actually decent lines for once? I love the man, but the droid usually really annoys the crap outta me. He was literally the highlight of the film. Don’t get me started on the stupidity of all of Lando’s lines, poor Billy. Daisy has to stare angrily most of the time so I don’t really care to recall her lines. Adam, my dear Adam, he tries SO HARD to make do with what he was given but even his lines 90% of the time come off as stupid and out of place. Or the worst type in this movie, EXPOSITIONYY. Don’t get me started on Mark Hamill and Harrison Ford. Boys looked like they didn’t sign up for this shit and were literally force choked to be there. I feel you guys, I feel you. ALSO FOR THE LOVE OF THE FORCE THE TIMES THEY REPEATED WORD FOR WORD LINES FROM OTHER MOVIES I WANTED TO SCREAM. Once is too much, THIS MANY TIMES IT IS A FELONY. And it needs to be punished somehow.

3. Let’s get the positives out of the way because there were FEW. The two scenes I actually REALLY enjoyed watching, for different reasons were:

Ben and Palps meeting. The scene was much longer than the clip and SUPER badass. Sheev’s voice echoes, Ben looks fucking cool and the whole scene is GORGEOUS.

The other is when Ben fights as a Jedi in the end. I’ll get to Ben later BELIEVE ME but without overexplaining, he fights with Anakin’s lightsabre, he’s really speedy and is doing all the Jedi spins and whatnot. I fucking ATE THAT UP. Replay that scene forever please CAUSE I LOVED IT. But I was already crying here so we’ll touch more on that later.

To conclude this segment, the visuals were SUPERB, the sound was AMAZING and (some) of the fights were jaw droppingly cool. But that about concludes the positives!

4. I will comment, as I know a lot of people will care even if I don’t particularily. Finn, Poe, Rose and the merry gang aside from our Jedi are reduced to EH this movie. If you thought you’d never miss Rose boy were you wrong. They introduce new characters and expect you to care about them when they SIDELINED the ones they’d hoped you’d care about BEFORE. And it made me care about NO ONE. Not to mention that, sadly, they are ALWAYS reduced to the boring side plot that really isn’t interested or key to much of ANYTHING. Sure they roused the people and all but would’ve been TOAST if Rey didn’t go all Jesus on the fleet. So at the end of the day, you MAY find some enjoyment with the side characters but their lines were some of the worst, you WILL be force fed new people and you might not really enjoy your previous faves here because even I found myself being completely indifferent this time. (I actually really ENJOYED Finn since TFA. He had a compelling storyline and John Boyega was alright. Couldn’t give two wits about him in this movie. Not a single one. But again, I may not be the perfect person to ask if you really,really like any of these characters.

5. Finally, we have arrived to the main event. THE REYLO.

The backbone of this clusterfuck of a new trilogy. The last Skywalker and Palpatine, coming together instead of apart. The arguably BEST actors (legacies aside) Disney managed to get. Now, I will start this off that I didn’t HATE Rey before this movie. I loved her in TFA, enjoyed her less in TLJ but the novelization fixed that. I was BACK ON BOARD to be her number one stan. In this movie, I couldn’t STAND her. Her lines are basically the director walking you through things, her plotline was obviously made last minute so almost none of it makes sense, I literally wanted to curl up and DIE from cringing so hard every time someone said ‘you’re a Palpatine’. I thought I was looking at a very expensive rendition of terrible fan fiction. (Not to diss fan fiction in any way, you guys will be my heroes after this catastrophe.) ‘Empress Palpatine’, COME THE FUCK ON AND GET OUT WITH THIS SHIT. Bring back crusty old Snoke for crying out loud! Or even HUX! Who got killed off in a second and had three lines of dialogue, not important I guess? Like a great many things I guess, JJ. But, EVEN Palpatine aside, it was great seeing him again and every scene he was in I got chills, who cares that it makes zero sense at this point. Back to reylo.

Ben. Ben Solo Organa Skywalker. The last hope. The final remnant of something I have loved FOREVER. I grew up with Star Wars, like many others just in a different, post prequel era and they are still my favourites. This might sound ridiculous but Star Wars was part of my heart, my happiness. It brought me joy to watch it, read it, fantasize about it and have it in my life when times were dark or miserable. It MEANT something to me, as I am sure many of you will agree. And Ben was part of that. He was part of something that MEANT something to all of us. He was the last line of the characters we all grew up with and loved. The GRANDSON of Anakin, my favourite character of all time. This was their chance to stop the trend that Loki’s death in IW and Daenerys’ death and turn and many others started and STOP killing people who did wrongs. PEOPLE can change, they can grow and they can learn. Hell, to not stray to far from this franchise REY has killed A LOT of people in this movie alone. She DECIMATES the room full of Palpatine’s followers and never blinks an eye. SHE NEARLY KILLS CHEWIE, DOES KILL BEN (for a minute) and SHE DOESN’T NEED TO DIE. Of course she doesn’t but BEN DOESN’T EITHER. After all that YOU JJ, YES YOU, show me that the LAST SKYWALKER has gone through, suffered, alone and frightened. I would’ve ENDED you if you’d suggested killing him off to me, EVER. He was your chance to do a reverse Vader, AS YOU CLAIMED YOU WOULD. To show a character can come back to the light and be worthy of it WITHOUT DYING. You even set it up as such, which is my next and CRUCIAL POINT.

I’ve been a reylo since 2015. Their dynamic has always been fascinating to me and beautiful. I LOVED all the moments in TLJ, LOVED THEM. In this one, every time they force bond (terrible dialogue aside, again) I was happy. I had a hope that she would bring him back from the darkness and he will keep her balanced. WELL, JJ, guess fuck me huh? And anyone with common sense and human decency. JUST WHEN you shove Ben’s turn in my face, you make him talk to Han, you make him strut in to fight alongside Rey in full Ben Solo Jedi mode, hair blown and casually dressed. It was when he runs onto Exegol that I started weeping. Because knowing that he dies as I did, it broke my heart how it was done. You give me the scene where he fights and you give me hope of what his future could’ve been if only you’d listened to reason and done what was supposed to be done. He is chucked into the pit, WHICH MIGHT I ADD WOULD’VE MADE ME MAD IF THAT WAS HIS END BUT WOULD’VE BEEN SOOOO MUCH BETTER THAN WHAT WE GOT, comes back. And now comes the scene that cemented this as the ABSOLUTE WORST insult to me as a fan, possible. Ben is heartbroken that Rey is dead, the moment is sad and he cradles her dead body and hugs her desperately. Which would’ve been a beautiful and GOOD DIFFERENT type of ending. Or rather not having her die at all and being NEAR her death and him saving her and both living happily ever after BUT NO. JJ AFTER THAT has her come back, smile happily when she sees it’s him, her love her hope and the other half of her SOUL literally (the diad or whatever it’s called is so rare that Palpatine was thrilled they’d formed such a bond, basically space soulmates), he has them kiss, then hold each other and smile at each other with genuine feeling of joy and belonging both of them had sought all their life AND THEN YANKS IT FROM UNDER YOU. The scene where Ben falls flat onto his back is quite comical and I couldn’t help but laugh in my misery and sobbing. Rey doesn’t even cry, we don’t even LINGER on his body or mourn him afterwards or even mention it or EVEN SEE her, THE PERSON WHO LITERALLY FOUND HER SOULMATE AND WAS SO HAPPY WHEN SHE KISSED HIM AND WAS LITERALLY SAVED BY HIM, but no guess that doesn’t require a scene, sure, fuck it LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE. The cheery music that plays up until the moment of his fall, YES THE FALL OF SKYWALKER MIND YOU NOT A FUCKING RISE, was an insult to every fan everyhwere, lifelong or recent or otherwise, it was a punch to the gut, a slap in the face and after this happened I no longer paid attention to the movie. I’d been crying for some time leading up to the moment, I knew what was coming and the execution only made it worse and a more desperate cry rather than only sad, I was hoping it wouldn’t happen somehow. I choked back tears until I finally got home and cried. One of the things which MEANT so much to me, was dead. I no longer have any doubts, that this was intentional. Look at Game of thrones, that was this year. It seemed intentional to make series stop, right? Everyone agrees. They wanted to finally bury the Skywalkers so they could make something unrelated? They kill off all the Skywalkers. Well guess what disney? YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO BRING THEM BACK IN THE FIRST PLACE, YOU MONEY HUNGRY PIECE OF SHIT. No one would have minded a new trilogy, with new characters doing NEW things. Why even drag the Skywalkers and the leagies into this if YOU DON’T WANT THEM HERE? All you got was millions of lifelong fans of the old movies who have already felt or are only now beginning to feel BETRAYED. I swear it disney, I don’t want to feel this misery again. You won’t take Star Wars away from me and the joy it brought me. I will without a care in the world dismiss this new trilogy as something completely separate from canon. You’ve killed your own fanbase. You could’ve had us but you LOST us. You dangled something we wanted in front of us for our money and then you ripped it apart.

If you are anything like me, anything like me at all and have loved SW for however long. if it MEANS ANYTHING TO YOU, I beg you not to see this movie or at the very least, pay for it. You WILL feel betrayed, insulted, heartbroken, devastated and miserable, as I am feeling right now. I was supposed to go see this movie another two times but i cannot and will not spend another CENT on a company that chooses to alienate me. Fine, have it your way. I’m done.

This concludes my rant as I am tired and upset. If I missed out on anything and you are interested in anything else, please do DM me or leave a comment :) We’re all in this together now, the reylos the antis the new fans and the old. We’re all in the same heartbreaking boat, I love you all. And I will love Star Wars. The REAL Star Wars forever. I wasn’t even sad the ‘FRANCHISE’ was ending because it wasn’t. It had ended a long, long time ago.

#star wars #star wars the rise of skywalker #the rise of skywalker #kylo ren #ben solo #rey #finn #poe #the rise of skywalker spoilers #spoilers #star wars spoilers

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bellatrixobsessed1 · 4 years

Text

A Flame For A Cabbage (Part 5)

Honestly, I think that this is the best (read: worst) chapter yet lmao.

“There is no war in Ba Sing Se…”

Azula looks at the clock, she does so quickly before it can fade away, leaving her deprived of her sense of time. It is early, only seven o clock. She can’t believe that they are still working on brainwashing that beautiful, chiseled, Adonis-grade boy. His mind must be as impenetrable as the wall of Ba Sing Se…that is to say that she knows he will crack very soon.

She supposes that now is a good time to test her new selling strategy. Unlike the common household dog, Azula is well aware that they have neglected to lock her cell door. She slips out and wanders down the craggy tunnel. Unfortunately she hadn’t the opportunity to devise a plan wherein she gets herself arrested and strikes a deal with Long Feng. Sure, she has the getting herself arrested bit accomplished but with him frequently being plucked from one scene to the next she hasn’t had the opportunity to propose working together in a mutually beneficial and highly efficient business partnership.

She will eventually, but until the opportunity arises, she must find use for her time.

Since she hasn’t made an alliance with the Dailluminati, she must acquire herself a disguise so that she may freely elope among them.

“What are you doing out of your cell?” So much for that plan.

“You left it open so I assumed that I could leave it.” Azula shrugs. “How am I supposed to sell cabbages in a cell. You can’t sell in cell. Well...you can cell in a cell but selling in a cell is…”

“You are giving me a migraine. Please, stop.” The man grumbles.

“You probably gave that really beautiful man a migraine when you brainwashed him…”

“It’s fine when we do it.” He replies bluntly. At least he is honest in his hypocrisy.

“Get back in your cell.”

“Or…” she begins. “You can take me to your leader. I have a proposal for him.”

.oOo.

“Look Bosco! The Kyoshi Warriors are here to protect us! Aren't you excited?” Earth King Kuei asks. The bear looks anything but excited. Sei observes the creature with a growing sense of unease. There is just something so unwholesome about it. Something that he can’t place.

It isn’t part platypus...it is just a bear. That must be it.

It must be…

Deep down he knows that it is something boundlessly worse...

He doesn’t get to piece it together, for the Earth King speaks again. “It's been a difficult week for me. My most trusted advisor, Long Feng, and his Dai Li agents tried to take control of Ba Sing Se from me.”

Funny, Sei doesn’t recall such a plot point. Could it be!? That the author chose to omit the entire thing in a successful effort to save time but at the cost of a solid story line!?

No. Impossible.

Authors don’t do that.

What is an author?

Sie doesn’t vocalize his concerns, instead he pretends that he cares about the other man’s problems. Isn’t that what all self-absorbed fourteen year old girls do when their fellow teenagers are confiding in them. But he is not fourteen, nor is he a girl and neither is the Earth King. Even so, he does not care about the man’s problems so in the most obviously sarcastic drawl he says, “it's terrible when you can't trust the people who are closest to you.”

Mai and Tylee exchange a rather suspicious glance. Sie laughs it off, it is probably nothing to worry about.

Kuei pets the bear’s fur. Sie shudders. “But there is good news. As we speak, the Council of Five is meeting to plan an invasion of the Fire Nation this summer, on the day of a solar eclipse.” He pauses. “That or it was a DnD campaign. You can never be sure with those guys.” He laughs.

Sie’s eyes go wide; a DnD campaign! Those had been outlawed after the great dispute between the Gan Jin and Zhang tribes. “Really? Now that sounds like a fascinating and brilliant plan.”

Mai and TyLee exchange another glance. “Will you two stop that!”

.oOo.

“Wait here, next to this dead body.”

Azula nods. Waiting next to a corpse is a small price to pay in the grand scheme of things. Even if the body does belong to someone extraordinary and ridiculously gorgeous, who she does hate to see not alive.

“I’m...not…” he struggles. “Dead...yet.”

“Oh, well, it was really unclear.” Azula dismisses. For a moment she almost leaves it as that. But then she recalls something important. She scans the room before kneeling in close. “I have a secret.”

The beautiful man manages a wheezing laugh. “I get...it. You’re sharing...with..me. Because I’ll be...dead...soon.”

“Shhh.” She brings her pointer to her lips. “Shut up and eat this cabbage.”

Reluctantly, the boy accepts his final meal. “This tastes…”

Azula smiles.

“Dreadful.”

She folds her arms over her chest. “You will take that back.”

“I feel…” he stands up with a grin. “I feel better!”

“You won’t for long, unless you take it back.”

He holds his hands up. “That was the best cabbage I have ever eaten.”

Azula nods. “One time I went to the Northern Water Tribe and I accidently dropped it in their sacred oasis.” She was going to save that cabbage for an emergency, but this boy. This beautiful boy...she couldn’t let those abs go to waste.

“So uh...how much?”

“I am glad that you asked.” Azula replies. “You owe me your life. You will follow me wherever I go and you will help me sell cabbages.”

The man considers. “So like do I get to pose with the cabbages?”

She nods.

“Shirtless?”

She nods again.

“And I will attract lots of women?”

“Absolutely.”

“We have a deal.” He shakes her hand.

A smirk spreads across her face. Hot promotional model, check. Now all she needs to do is make a marketing team of the Dailluminati and their brainwashing technology. She rubs her hands together in anticipation.

Yes, indeed, everything is going accordingly.

“Good evening, merchant.” Comes a familiar high-pitched voice.

“We have a lot to discuss, Long Feng.” She greets.

.oOo.

“We have been presented with an extraordinary opportunity, girls.”

“We’ve been invited to join an underground and illegal DnD party!?” TyLee exclaimes.

“Well, I was actually going to point out that Mai is finally wearing make up that isn’t totally depressing.” Sie confessess. “But it is also worth mentioning that we can conquer the whole Earth Kingdom.” Sie looks down at the script in his hand and sighs. He hates expository rants. “For one hundred years, the Fire Nation has…” He squints at the smudged writing, “holla...ha..hammered... hammered! For one hundred years, the Fire Nation has hammered away at Ba Sing Se from the outside. But now we're on the inside, and we can take it by ourselves.”

“Gosh, you're so confident. I really admire that about you.” TyLee beams at him.

That would mean a lot to him if it wasn’t part of the script and if he weren’t questioning her loyalty. “From the inside, we're in perfect position to organize a coup and overthrow the Earth King. The key is the Dai Li. Whoever controls the Dai Li controls Ba Sing Se.”

So why does he feel like things won’t work in his favor?

.oOo.

“And what do I have to gain from this?”

She should feel nervous, she is just a humble cabbage farmer. She doesn’t have much to offer in way of possessions and she doesn’t have an extravagant title to wave in his face. “Oh...you know…” She winks.

“What?” Long Feng asks.

She winks again.

“What is in it for me?”

She leans in only a hair closer and drops her voice to a whisper. “Something really cool.”

“And what is this something?” He implores.

“You’ll find out if you join me.”

“You don’t have anything to offer do you?”

Azula gives a haughty sniff and turns her head. “Fine.” She lets the word hang there, in fact it echos down the cavern. The acoustics in this underground lair are fantastic! “Jet, let’s go.”

“Wait!” Long Feng says as she stands. “I thought that he was dead...how?”

She winks at him a final time.

She knows that she has him now.

.oOo.

“I'm tired of wearing this girly disguise. I don't know how anyone could fight in this.” Mai sighs audibly.

“Maybe that's why it was so easy to beat the Kyoshi Warriors and take their clothes.” TyLee shrugs. “Which is really weird when you think about it. Do you think that they’re wearing our clothes right now? Or are they wearing twigs and leaves!?”

Mai does not want to think about that, not at all. So she gets them back on track. “How much longer do we have to serve the Earth King? If I have to clean up one more pile of bear poop, I'm going to throw up. I’m not even sure if that is a bear...it’s just...there’s something off about it.”

“Princess Sie promised that we would go back to the Fire Nation as soon as we captured the Avatar. We just have to be patient!” TyLee declares very very very very extremely not quietly.

Mai stands up, and much louder--as though they were in a high school lunchroom shouting ‘BOOB’ progressively louder just to bother the teachers--snaps, “shush up! Do you want the whole palace to know we're Fire Nation?” Her voice carries.

“Sorry!” TyLee winces, not bothering to point out that Mai had literally been speaking into a megaphone.

Sie watches the Dailluminati agents crawl away. A single tear slides down his cheek. He wanders out from behind a pillar, “what have you two done?”

.oOo.

“Soooo.” Azula mutters. “What was it like to die?”

“Oh, uh, it was terrible.”

Azula nods and makes a soft humming noise. “Tell me more.”

“Well, one minute I was helping the Avatar...”

Azula scoffs. The Avatar, that wretched stall wrecking, havoc wreaking miscreant. She will take her vengeance in time. “Mmm hmm…” she says just to make sure he thinks that she is still listening.

“Yeah, it was pretty rough, ya know?”

“Yes.” She nods. “I’ve been through something similar.” Though she doesn’t know if this is true. She does not know what happened the next minute.

“So, what do you like to do for fun?”

“Engage in political battles, though I haven’t had an opportunity to do that yet. I like to sell cabbages.”

“Okay, yeah, yeah that’s your job, but what do you do in your free time?”

Azula blinks. “I...sell cabbages?”

Now the boy blinks. “But what else do you do?”

“Ohhh.” Azula nods, she understands now. “I grow cabbages!”

“Alright, while we’re waiting for Long Feng to take care of whatever he said he needs to do, do you want to do something that doesn’t involve cabbages?”

“No!” She says too abruptly for her liking. “No, absolutely not.”

“Come on, it’ll be fun.” He promises.

“I don’t even know your name.” She points out. “I’ve just been calling you, ‘that beautiful man’.”

“I’m Jet.” He smiles and holds his hand out. “Let’s go do an activity together.”

.oOo.

“Thank goodness you're here, Suki.” Katara kicks the door in. “Something terrible is going on. The Fire Nation has infiltrated the city, I just saw Prince Zuko and his uncle!”

Sie cringes, both at the sound of the door bouncing off of the walls (he notes the crack that it leaves in the expensive wall tiling) and at the mention of his brother and uncle.

“We have to tell the Earth King right away!”

Sie clears his throat, “oh, don't worry, I'll be sure to let him know.”

Katara’s eyes go wide when she notices that she is speaking to a man and that Kyoshi Warriors are all women. She holds out her hand to attack but TyLee is quicker.

“So, Zuko’s in the city, too? I think it's time to get as far away from here as possible so I don’t have to deal with an awkward family reunion.” Not that he has a choice; as soon as the Dailluminati come to retrieve Katara, they seize him too.

“What is this about?” He asks, knowing very well what this is about. “Your agents show up in the middle of the night and drag me down here? You will not treat a Kyoshi Warrior this way!”

“Kay Karen…” Long Feng snickers.

Sie scowls and then realization hits. There is only one person who has ever called him that. His mind wanders back to the very first time he encountered the cabbage merchant. He had left his wallet on the airship but had already finished his cabbage so he plucked one of his hairs from his head and insisted that she had put it in his meal and demanded a refund and better customer service. She had looked him dead in the eye and said, “kay, Karen.”

He has hated her since.

“But you're not a Kyoshi Warrior, are you, Princess Sie of the Fire Nation?”

So the moment has come. “What do you want?”

“I want to make a deal. It's time that I regain control of Ba Sing Se and you have something I need.”

“Oh?”

“The Earth King's trust.”

He does have that doesn’t he? Geez, he’s put up with that uncanny bear long enough, he ought to have earned some trust.

“Combined with my other secret weapon, I can’t possibly fail.” Long Feng strokes his beard.

“What secret weapon?”

“Oh,” Long Feng chuckles. “It’s a secret to me as well, but it’s supposed to be really cool.”

Sie’s eyes narrow. This is starting to sound suspicious as hell. “Why should I help you?”

“Because I can get you the Avatar.”

His eyes light up. Father will be just pleased! “I'm listening …”

.oOo.

“What is that?” Azula cocks her head.

Jet’s face bunches into a goofy smile and he gives one of those snorty nose laughs. It is the least attractive thing that Azula has ever seen in her life. “Dickbutt.” He replies in an equally goofy and higher pitched voice.

He steps back to admire his artwork. “I can’t wait ‘til they see this.”

Azula hopes that she will not be around, she is still hoping for a business partnership with the Jasmine Dragon. She can’t imagine that dickbutt will look good on her application. She might as well pencil one onto the parchment and hand it to the owner.

“This is fun.” Jet says. “You’re having fun, right?”

“Is this really what people do when they aren’t growing cabbages?”

Jet nods. “It sure is.”

#Avatar #Azula #Cabbage Man #Jet #Mai #TyLee #Katara #Fanfiction

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taeyoming · 5 years

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Hello and welcome to your daily dose of: Yuuki's produce x 101 rant no one asked for

Sorry my friends are getting tired of hearing me rant about this and they're not replying so imma just let my feelings out here

Okay first of all, Blonde Minseo. Like what the actual fuck. The boy deserved better. His voice — fucking heavenly. Visuals on point. Even my dad agrees he was good looking. Final grade was B. Ya boy deserved better and I will never shut up about this.

Yun Seo Bin. I'm like split about this. Say if he was a bully in the past then I guess he was just paying the consequences of his actions, it is fair. BUT ALSO. People change. There's always room for growth, and it isn't fair to be judged by something you did in the past. The person you were 3,4,5 years ago, you're not that person anymore. BUT ALSO, people are saying that the rumors of him being a bully ain't even true, and if that's the case then we just ruined this poor boy's future. So like yeah I don't know where I stand on this issue, I kinda understand all sides but all I know is that his vocals fucking slayed during that mama performance.

Son Dongpyo. Why the flying fuck are people getting mad at him for getting screen time. Of course he was gonna get screen time, he's the center for X1-ma. Imagine being the center and not getting any lines that would be stupid sis use your brain cells. So yeah stan talent, stan Son Dongpyo. Also if your one pick is Dongpyo do yourself a favor and watch these if you haven't already: ANPANMAN SPRING DAY

Next, Lee Jinwoo, and Nam Dohyun. No problems here. They're adorable, go stan these cuties.

Okay next is why the fuck are the talented ass trainees so underrated like TF. Stan Nam Donghyun, Park Yunsol, Kang Hyeonsu!

Woolim trainees and Starship. The trainers and mnet done did these boys dirty. They only focused on Minseo's mistake and Yunseong not looking confident. The woolim performance wasn't as terrible as they made it look like, it's far from perfect but these boys deserved better. Starship trainees, same thing here, Minhee and Hyeongjun made mistakes but guess what they decided to do, DAS RIGHT PUT EVERYONE IN D'S AND X'S. THE FUCKING AUDACITY TO PUT HAM WONJIN IN D, YES I AM STILL MAD ABOUT THIS. AND WHY THE FUCK WAS MOGU EVEN IN X, YA BOY DIDNT MAKE ANY MISTAKES AND DID WELL ON HIS LINES. MNET WAS JUST HUNGRY FOR SOME DRAMA IG SMH.

SPEAKING OF MOGU. WHY THE FLYING FUCK ARE PEOPLE TELLING HIM TO GO GET A NOSE JOB LIKE BITCH WHAT THE FUCK. HAVE YOU SEEN HIM AT ALL. HE'S THE DICTIONARY DEFINITION OF PERFECTION. SHIT THE FUCK UP AND OPEN YOUR EYES, IJENEUN OPEN YOUR EYES BITCH.

HAM WONJIN, I LITERALLY MADE THIS POINT LIKE 2 MINS AGO BUT LIKE. HIS VOCALS, DANCING, AND EXPRESSIONS WERE ON POINT DURING OH LITTLE GIRL STAGE BUT THEY PUT HIM IN D. THE AUDACITY. But anyways, support him, he's the most talented out of all the starship trainees imo, Stan and support talent.

OH YA THINK IM DONE RANTING ABOUT STARSHIP TRAINEES? WELL YOU'RE WRONG. MOON HYUNBIN. WENT FROM GRADE D TO A AND MNET DIDNT BAT A SINGLE EYELASH. GIVE HIM MORE SCREENTIME MNET. Anyways support Moon Hyunbin, he's the lowest ranking out of all the starship trainees, he's really talented. Hyunbin stans do yourself a favor and watch this: :)))TRUSTME

Lullaby stage. UM EXCUSE ME WHY THE FUCK ARE PEOPLE GETTING MAD THAT LULLABY TEAM GOT TO REDO THEIR STAGE. I MEAN LIKE??? HOW ELSE WOULD YOU HAVE WANTED THAT SITUATION TO GO?? People getting mad about dumb shit smh.

Han Seungwoo. Choi Byungchan. Kim Kookheon. Song Yubin. Kim Sunghyun. Lee Jinhyuk. Kim Wooseok. Soooo I don't know if it's the same with the other fandoms but I'm a honey10 and EVERYONE is opposed to our boys making it to the final lineup because of the long ass contract and like tbh I don't know how to feel about it either. But these boys are here in this program for a second chance, so let's just support these talented babies. ALSO STAN VICTON, MYTEEN, IN2IT AND UP10TION YOU COWARDS.

SPEAKING OF SUNGHYUN. THIS BOY IS A MEMBER OF IN2IT, HE'S REALLY TALENTED PLEASE SUPPORT HIM. HE WAS IN THE GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS TEAM BUT THEY CUT OUT HIS RAP, THE FUCKING AUDACITY. Go ahead and watch his GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS fancam if you haven't already.

GOING BACK TO STARSHIP TRAINEES. SOMG HYEONGJUN. I LOVE THIS BOY WITH ALL MY HEART, WILL GIVE HIM MY LEFT KIDNEY IF HE NEEDS IT. AND PEOPLE ARE TALKING SHIT ABOUT HOW HE'S FAKE CRYING AND BEING CUTE FOR SYMPATHY ESPECIALLY WITH HIS SPEECH ABOUT THE X TRAINEES. Leave him alone, he's so talented at dancing and he cares about his friends okay. HYEONGJUN STANS THERES A VIDEO OF HIM DANCING REALLY REALLY AND I WAS GONNA PUT IT HERE BUT I CANT FIND THE LINK RIP.

YUUKI THIS IS SO DAMN LONG, IS ANYONE EVEN GOING TO READ THIS?

PROBABLY NOT, BUT WHO CARES

If you read up to this just know that I love you and you deserve to have clear skin. I hope your one pick debuts.

BUT IM NOT DONE YET. KIM MINGYU. PEOPLE TELLING HIM THAT HE'S ONLY WHERE HE IS BECAUSE OF HIS FACE. AND YOU KNOW WHAT, YOURE RIGHT BUT ALSO HE HAS A REALLY GOOD ATTITUDE AND HE'S STRIVING TO IMPROVE HIMSELF OKAY. IM REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING HIM GROW AS A TRAINEE. SUPPORT THIS BEAUTIFUL MAN KIM MINGYU. ALSO STAN SEVENTEEN'S KIM MINGYU. WHAT AM I EVEN SAYING AT THIS POINT.

OKAY ONE LAST THING, STAN KIM SIHOON FOR CLEAR SKIN! He's so talented and such a great leader, support him, he's such a sweetheart.

okay that's it I'm tired, it felt like I've been typing for a decade. If you read everything let me know so I can personally give you an award. Thank you for coming to my ted talk

#shoot i forgot to mention midam #and keum dong hyun #THERES SO MUCH I DIDNT MENTION AHSHHSJSN #if you read this i love you

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oceanivoxjoquainx · 7 years

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Still not over Andi Mack. Not anywhere close.

I really need to rant and I have no one else to rant to (cuz my friends have never been into the same stuff as me) so I'll just rant to myself about this. I really love Andi Mack. Not just cuz of Cyrus and repressntation, but because the show on the whole is amazing from the theme song to the shows themes and honestly every character is perfect.

Andi herself is amazing. Shes a chinese american girl with a passion for crafts, nice, smol, and just great all around. She was upset when the whole family stuff went down of course but that girl bounced back soooo quick it was amazing. She handled it so well (Well as well as a 13 year old can handle something like that). Shes grown so much over that first season too and ot made me soooo happy to see it happen. She stood up for herself more and gained a whole lot of self confidence in the process. How she treats Jonah in the beginning of season 1 and where they are now is just.... Mind blowing and inspiring. People falling for someone and doing whatever they say is a serious thing. I felt it and did whatever the guy I liked wanted. I'm glad the creator felt the need to show it.

Next is Buffy. My mixed curly haired queen. I love her man she's a bamf and reminds me so much of my best friend its scary. She's athletic, super competitive, fierce, supportive of everything and no matter what you know she has your back. She has her own baggage too cuz I assume her moms overseas in the army maybe? They haven't gotten into her family life and that's an arc id love to see happen. Her relationship with my boy Marty from the party is super cute and I'm glad she has someone who can match her blow for blow because thats exactly what she needs. How she handles Cyrus is honestly the cutest thing and if they are literally me and my best friend. Shes like his mama bear always there to comfort and show him the way. She's like that with Andi too. Its beautiful to see.

After her is Bex. I applaud Bex because she's really trying to change and be there for the daughter. I admire her ability to just play along with her parents for so long just to ensure that Andi had the best life possible. Even now she's back she's helped change Andi so much. She's even grown up a lot since her return. She works hard like a mother should and reminds me of my mom. Doing everything to ensure her kids happy even if that means giving her up (tht scene almost made me cry tbh). She tries so hard and when Andi called her mom I was crying with her too. Bex is a good noddle, makes me proud and hopefully she can continue to do so.

Ham is my boy. My ultimate goal of being a dad. Not too 'cool' not too 'cringey'. He knows what's right for his family and even tho he's a sub to CiCi he loves them all unconditionally. He's soft but still firm enough to know what to say and when to say it and to whom. Alwyas giving advice and supporting his family.

CiCi rubbed me the wrong way in the beginning but then i began looking at life in her eyes and began to understand her. Her only kid got pregnant as a teen (16? 17 maybe?) And she's terrified that Andi would do the same. I still don't condone lying to your grandkid (Oh yeah Celia. I said it) and keeping them from their real mom but I still get it. I'm glad shes come to term with it now and decided to accept her daughter back into her heart and give up Andi. Like mother like daughter I suppose?

Jonah... Jonah, Jonah, Jonah. My fav little hearttrob. He has this gravitation to him that give no choice but to like him. He reminds me of my first love which makes Cyrus all the more relatable to me. He's charismatic, spontaneous, and a generally happy guy. I'm sure there's some back story behind those eyes but I guess I'm going to have to wait to find out what.

I even like Amber. Sure she was a snotty bitch in the beginning but she did a 180 when Jonah broke up with her. Who knew a she needed was a little humility to make her seem a little bit likeable? Everyone. But anywho. I can't wait to dive into her arcs as well.

I can't remember his name (I sowwie) but its Andi's dad and he has such a kid attitude to him its also hard not to immedeatly like him. Its refreshing to see dads who try as hard as him because so many kids these days have dads who really just aren't good for them. He loves his kid even though he barely knew her and they act so alike its hard NOT to see Andi's his child. He's just so cute about everything and he has his quirks which make him a very likeable character.

Now on to my untimate favorite character in the show, Cyrus. I loved Cyrus as soon as I first saw him. Hes such an innocent cinnamon roll and hes too adorable for this world and we dont deserve his him here and I just want to protect him and keep him safe from all the bad in life including heartbreak. Luckily he has Buffy for that. He's such an oddball with so much personality. If I was a character I would be Cyrus because he's just so pure and perfect. His whole Cirus thing was cute as hell and because he's such a princess it was nice seeing Iris take over when he couldn't. His obsession and attraction to Jonah was obvious from the beginning and I love how the situation was handled. It was all so real and just perfect. Cyrus was confused and alone and sad because he has these feelings for a guy which he's never felt before and not only that there's a high chance these feelings would be unrequited because Jonahs falling for Andi. Cyrus is such a trooper because there's a small part in him that even accepts that. I also love how he isn't given a label yet in the show because its honestly realistic. If you're 12 or 13 and having a sexual awaking you wouldnt know what to identify as and the fact that he doesn't call himself gay when he's talking to Buffy makes it even better because he just doesn't know what he is. And its beautiful how Buffy accepts him instantly without hesitation. That whole scene where he tells Buffy how he feels was so beautiful and perfectly executed. I love how normalized it was liek it wasn't a big deal at all but it was still important. I love how Cyrus' orientation wasn't the focus of the whole episode but was still felt throughout the entire episode. You could feel and see the emotion, confusion and fear in his voice and eyes and Buffy just takes those all away. Hes so amazing and perfect and I want a real life one. I know there's a high chance he and Jonah aren't getting together because of Andi and Jonah so I'm 100% sure Cyrus is going to get a whole other interest. Id love to see how the show implements him and I can't wait to have a ship that transcends my love for Jack and Ennis (and trust me Brokeback Mountain owns the keys to my soul). Even if Cyrus pines for Jonah until the very end I'll be perfectly happy and fine with that because its realistic. Also in my eyes Cyrus can do no wrong.

Andi Mack is a masterpiece of a show and I can't wait to watch it grow and inspire the millions of kids it already does. I wish I had a show like this when in was going through all this but I think I can settle for enjoying it for now. I'm happy the next generations are going to grow up being able to see the LGBT+ people in the world being validated and accepted. Ik this is a lot and if you've read all of this then you're a goat and the mvp. Thanks.

#andi mack #cyrus goodman #jonah beck #buffy driscoll #bex mack #disney #lgbt+ representation #i really need a hug #this show is so pure

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halsteadsass · 7 years

Note

soooo i'm super indecisive, but if you're still taking prompts: either 16, 17, or 20 + Noorhelm?

The house seems quite bare at the moment.

The walls are freshly painted different shades of grey. Accent colors fill the room with reds, beige’s, and whites. William really had no choice in the matter when they decided to buy a house together.

It’s been ten years. It was time.

Noora had made the conscious decision to take a small sabbatical from the magazine to get settled in. With William’s hours at the firm, it only made sense. Excitement bubbling in the pit of her stomach every time she thought about the fact that she has a real home now.

That meant she made herself cozy in front of the television more than she intended. Constant marathons of Fixer Upper and Noora felt she could be the next Joanna Gaines. Living in the apartment with Eskild, she never put much thought into her room. Small decor like pillows, frames, and bedding were the only things that mattered. Once William had moved in back then it became less important than before. Trying desperately to find a spot for the bare minimum he had shipped from London was enough. They made it work until they were able to afford to live in their own apartment.

Nonetheless, she went as far as ordering subscriptions of multiple home magazines. Noora made sure he would get his say in the final decisions, but in all honesty, he’d let her have whatever she wanted.

She always got what she wanted despite William’s stubborn attempts. Let her rephrase that - William’s half ass attempts of putting up a fight but jumping head first instead.

“Everything is coming along quite nicely, right?” Noora asked while continuing to put the chicken into a Tupperware.

“It is.” William agreed. “It’s a big relief not to have to worry anymore.”

Noora puts the rest of the leftovers in the refrigerator. Noora walks to the sink, stands up up on the tip of her toes, and gives William a passing kiss on the cheek, “With you by my side, anything seems possible.”

She wasn’t lying to him. They’ve accomplished a lot together. One thing was true - he’d move heaven and hell for her.

They haven’t planned a homecoming party yet but it’s on the future agenda. Moving again was such a hassle, but she didn’t mind it in the end. There was always going to be a part of her that liked to explore the world. To flee at any moments notice because she felt like she needed it to grow. If she felt like she needed to breathe again. No one would ever understand that part of her except William.

That belonged to them.

It was time they put down real roots.

William was elbow deep in soap filled water, scrubbing away at their dirty dishes. It was his turn that night with no complaints. Noora was damn lucky she had a man who picked up his slack. He was doing something so normal, yet, she couldn’t take her eyes off of him once she sat down at the island.

Noora could blame it on the house, the immense over joyed feeling filling her heart at every second, or how proud of them she was. He was the pieces of the puzzle that fit.

“Why are you staring at me?” William asked, never turning around. “Your eyes are starting to burn holes in the back of my head.”

A long time ago Noora said goodbye to the part inside of her that always held her back.

“Marry me.” It came out as a whim comment, but she was dead serious.

William turned the sink water off to dry his hands before facing her, “Feeling funny tonight, are you?”

How much clearer can she get? Noora shook her head, "I’m completely serious, William.“

William’s jaw drops slightly, taken aback by what she said, "Fucking hell.”

He moves around the island to her, wrapping his strong arms around her. Skepticism still in his tone, “You want to marry me?”

Noora tilts her chin up to look him in his awaiting gaze, “Why wouldn’t I want to marry you?” Promise rings already adorn their fingers. In her eyes, that has always meant forever. He could get her a real engagement ring at a later time. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

Without a sound, William unravels himself from her and walks down the hallway into their master bedroom. Confusion and slight devastation wracks Noora’s body and she’s unable to move her feet. How was she supposed to read this when she had felt so confident minutes earlier?

A fire gets lit inside of her.

It’s not often that Noora gets mad at William anymore. They’ve been together so long their only arguments consist of what’s on the dinner menu that night, who gets control of the television, and who gets to be the big spoon. Trivial things that should not dictate the solidity of their relationship.

Being a little on the irrational side after his display of behavior, Noora stalks down the hallway in Williams footsteps. “Excuse me, William, but what the fuck was that? I deserve an answer at least. A no would have been better than that childish-” She’s cut off her from her rant when she sees whats in William’s hand.

A small, square black velvet box.

The tiny pit of rage that was sitting tightly in her stomach drains away. Shit.

“You ruined my moment. I’m a man of tradition, Noora.” William states while staring at the box as hard as she is. “But there has never been a day in our life together thats been normal. You’ve never allowed me to live to my full potential as a cliche. Your words, not mine.”

Noora stays silent in the doorway. A range of emotions flowing freely through her veins.

William continues, “I do not regret a single moment spent with you. You have always been the best choice I have ever made.”

He moves closer to where she’s standing until he’s completely in front of her. He takes her hand in his and smiles so kind at her she could melt, “So as much as I appreciate your attempt at proposing, I’m taking it back and doing it right.”

He doesn’t mention the fact that he had it all planned out. He’d take her back to the place they had their first date where it was only them and the city of lights below. He’d bring her hot chocolate that isn’t actually hot just the way she likes it. He’d hold her close underneath a warm blanket because he knows she craves simple affection. He’d attempt to say all the right things for just that night because she deserves perfect. Nothing more, nothing less. Just the best version of themselves and a moment in her life that she’d be able to remember forever.

Earlier in the kitchen, he hadn’t mean to sound skeptical. If this was going to be the moment, he absolutely needed to make sure this was real.

Because the answer in his mind is always a yes.

Noora can’t help herself from saying, “You already know the answer.”

As if that was going to stop him.

William bent down on one knee and opened the box. Noora gasped at the right of her engagement ring. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever laid her eyes upon. It shined with such simplicity and elegance. A white gold band with a medium, round diamond that sat in the middle. Noora always told him she never needed anything big and fancy. It wasn’t her style and no diamond size would ever determine a love’s worth.

He remembered.

William hadn’t even started and Noora was already tearing up.

“I swear I have loved you since the moment you decided to rip me to shreds in the school yard. Not romantic by any means, but the impact of that day changed the course of my life. You were a woman with imaginable strength, smartness, courage, realism much different from my own, and a heart so big that it was clear you had so much love to give. You still are that woman. You were everything I needed then and you are everything I need now. You have been my side through the best and worst of it. The kind of gratefulness I feel everyday waking up next to you is beyond words. You chose me and that alone can make me the happiest man for the rest of my life. Its only time that we choose each other with infinity.” William spoke so eloquently that Noora was full on shedding tears. “I once said we would get married one day and you laughed. I saw the life we could have. I want to go to sleep next you every night and wake up with you every morning. I want you to be the mother to our future children. I want to be ninety with you and have matching rocking chairs.” Noora squeezed William’s hand as he got choked up at the last part. “So, Noora Amalie Saetre, will you do me the greatest honor and marry me?”

Noora was smiling so hard her face went numb,“Yes, I will marry you!”

Taking the ring out of the box, William laughed a sigh of relief while slipping it onto Noora’s ring finger. Once the ring was securely on, Noora swat William on his shoulder. “Don’t ever scare me like that again especially when I am being serious about something so big.”

William stood back up to his regular height, amusement sitting in place of his natural brooding state, “That’s what you want to tell me after I pour my heart out to you?”

Noora laughed, shrugging her shoulders playfully, “Payback is a bitch.”

Despite the teasing, he was looking at her with his warm brown eyes, a smile painted with content, and she knows she’s the luckiest girl in the world.

Reaching out to push the small piece of hair that hung in his face (permanently she swears), she spoke with such fondness, “I love you, William. I have never doubted that. My heart always belonged to you.”

William’s forehead dropped to rest against hers, fingers gliding slowly over her arms until they find their final resting place on her hips, “Say it again.”

Noora kissed the tip of his nose, “I love you so much.” She kissed his right cheek next. “I can’t wait to spend my entire life with you.” She moved to his left cheek to kiss now. “You were always my only choice.” Noora’s lips slid against him, soft and slow, “Mrs. Noora Magnusson has a great ring to it.”

William damn near growled in response, “You have no idea what you do to me.”

Noora smirked against his lips, “I’m delicious. Of course, I do.”

As Noora walked forward, William followed pursuit walking backwards until his legs his the edge of their bed. She gave him no warning until she laid him out flat upon it, her own legs straddling his hips. “If you don’t remember, I’ll be kind enough to remind you.”

“Please do.”

Noora planned too for the rest of their life.

Infinity times infinity.

#noora saetre #william magnusson #noorhelm #my fic #asks

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thegeminisage · 7 years

Text

today’s zeldablogging which is full of spoilers:

the sight of my new sword sends a thrill into my heart tbh

if i ever replay this game, which tbh idk if i will, it's so Big, SS was only a third or a quarter of this size and i've only beaten it twice, im going to get it as soon as possible next time

anyway im back at the tower i suppose i'll crawl down and check out the enemies properly

i dont like gliding to towers i've discovered bc it feels like i've been plopped down into the middle of nowhere with no context

vs if i walk to them i know "where" i came from/am, if that makes any sense

(it doesn't)

i can see that flying thing closer than ever from here and it's DEFINITELY a divine beast no doubts left

yk tho. i dont WANNA check out the enemies. i wanna find that weird blanked out place at the top of my map!

haha i can feel it already

i'm so anxious to get to the end of the game and uncover the plot im gonna be like "FUCK EXPLORING" for the rest of it and only go to the places i need, now that i've got this map

i can always do more thorough exploration after, i've been spoiled that there's postgame content, but even if there's not like any other zelda game it'd put me right back before the final battle

god im having to go ALL THE WAY AROUND the lost woods i can't even glide over the nearby river to make the path shorter i bet there's an easier way to do this from the other side but i havent been there yet

ah, another forest covered in fog. black fog. how inviting.

ohhh, it's a shrine trial. wonderful. in the pitch blackness!

this is already worse than eventide

luckily i have the weird glowy skeleton suit i bought from the boy gerudo clothes store

i forgot to mention it bc i had no IDEA what it was for, but here we are

like. this has to be lmao

i keep dying in my first six steps what am i doing wrong??

oh, maybe bc i'm gliding in, i see a bridge on the map

ohhh god i hear a hinox...why, lord

haha im like.following the ways the statues point and. they're pointing at the hinox! wow!

lol when i realized the stone birds had torches on top i started over so i could light them all

OHHH I WOKE UP THE HINOX I DIDN'T EVEN GET A SURPRISE ATTACK IN

MASTER SWORD HELP ME

oh god this glowy armor has no defense!!

i'll just leave the helm on, then

oh thank fuck i used an atk+ elixir and it waasnt so bad

see, like, i COULD explore that upper ridge but thanks to the map i already know it's full of silver lynels. no thanks.

oh my god the yiga clan is RELENTLESS right here i guess bc i'm going around the back of (shudder) hyrule castle

oh!! a stable, thank goodness, i was starting to get wigged out

i guess all those people on the road had to have meant something

this isn't even on the map!!

oh wait lol yes it is

aww, i don't see beedle here...i was sure he'd be at everyone, i don't think i've encountered one where he isn't yet...

i'll be honest, i've grown kind of bored of combat

and know i'm biased but i genuinely i don't think it's me, i think it's the game's difficulty/"difficulty"

i used to see monster camps and think STRATEGY, is there a beehive, barrels to blow up, a place i can glide down from, this is so fun!

which gradually morphed into "okay this is gonna be a bit of a long haul but there'll be Treasure and sniping from afar is still fun"

idk if the black bokoblins/moblins/etc show up after you've done more things or bc of the area you're in but i'm noticing more enemies with more health, higher defense, and higher attack, and the barrels/metal boxes/beehives/etc becoming rarer, and when they do appear, being almost pointless to use because you're more likely to blow yourself up than do any real damage to the mobs

and like i love this game. it absolutely deserves every bit of its raid reviews, and this feeling COULD just be because i've been marathoning it for 12 straight days and i'm anxious to see the end and get back to my life

but to me, attacking a flat area full of black moblins and bokoblins isn't fun even with the stealth/snipe element bc you can't take them out in 1-3 shots, you have to stop and slash at them, and that alerts EVERYONE else, and it's just pointless

(lol i found some flat ruins by the stable which triggered this rant)

like, even the yiga clan hideout - my instinct was to snipe the enemies as i went, which would have made it a bit more fun imo, even though the stealth bit wasn't bad and i enjoyed that section quite a lot

i just don't like the—idk a better term for it unfortunately—"fake difficulty" thing where you just have to slog your way thru 1000s of random battles, i don't like it in rpgs either

kind of like almost wherever i explored at first i would run into minibosses rarely and then almost constantly

which, yeah, most of them aren't as hard now, But Still, it's the point of the thing

maybe i'm a bit defensive about "real gamer" bullshit and "women can't game" stereotypes while being super bad at games my whole life while my brother was fantastic at them

but like i just don't find that fun?? sure a good challenge once in awhile like eventide isle would be fine (even tho that was hellish and i'll never do it again) but that should be. every once in awhile, not. EVERYWHERE

anyway

frankly @ this point i'm REALY tempted to speed thru it before my surgery

bc i would hate to be laid up in bed and still have to worry about mobile browsing bc botw spoilers and tumblr's interface being awful

anyway i can;'t travel further in this direction without getting over near rito/hyrule field territory

and not only are those towers further away than i'd like but i wanted to do gerudo highlands first so back to the desert i go i guess rip

oh my god the wastelands tower goes down into NOTHINGNESS you're SUPPOSED to apporach from above

also i heard kass!! kass, buddy, where are you ;_;

oh i LOVE these cliffside structures i've been looking forward to them for so long

but i can't find kass ;_;

ALL tower shenanigans must CEASE until he is located!!

wait, he's...i see him! he's at the top of the tower! oh my god!

I'M COMIN, KASS

awww he wants to play the song for the hero who fell 100 years ago! he doesn't know it's me! ;__;

oh gross level two cold here and i didn't bring much cold food...just my warm doublet

wait

i have food AND the jacket and im STILL cold? this is level THREE? wtf wtf wtf

good thing i also have the ruby circlet but jeeeesus

i still have no food so i can't stay long

oh shit i found some guardians

still ones thank god

dude i found a HUGE cool mural for one shrine!!

yeah, this game is definitely still as full of fun secrets and as deslightful as when i first began playing it

and it came at a good time bc i just lost angela and it helped me feel Real Joy again

most displeasure i find with it now is because "AAAH ZELDA AT SOME POINT I NEED TO GET BACK TO MY FUCKING LIFE"

i'm so worried about spoilers and being behind now that some of the fun is draining away

i think after a bit of time has passed i'll either go back and finish exploring properly or straight up start a new file

and do it Thoroughly

when i can relax and go at my own pace instead of feeling like i'm racing the internet, my dashboard, my friends, my brother, etc

this region is soooo cold and i am so certain i'll get better cold gear in the rito area that im just activating the shrines and not even going inside to use my little food as efficiently as possible

im lit not even going inside

oh it's dropped to level 2 cold...thank god

THERE i got them all now to rush to ritoland

wait...i thought i read the 10k fairy wrong but i see ANOTHER on the map!

i bet SHE wants 10k and i have four thousand fucking rupees UGH

i thought there were only 4 and the horse fairy counted.......

ohh my god the divine beast is much closer from where i'm gliding...it's so big

I SEE DINAAL BUT I'M ON A FUCKING GLIDER SLKDFJGH

oh i've been typing it wrong all this time. dinRaal.

ohhh this region is so pretty so far...unlike the highlands which is miserable, i HATE snow in this game, i actually do wanna explore around here, i wish i didn't feel so hurried

oh god that divine beast is just So. it is So Big

god i passed the fairy on my way to the tower...10k! and i haven't been watching my cash bc i thought i misread something

all this time i've had 12 and 13 thousand rupees and i was blowing them on dumb shit

SILVER bokoblins...? come ON

good loot, tho

got the tower!

ohhh man. tat divine beast. oh boy. oh dude. big. so big. jesus fuck

oh hey i see rito village!! just where i wanted to go first

they better have good cold gear here :|

OH FUCK THERE'S THE BEAST SCREECHING

oh my god it's SO BIG im SO SCARED jesus FUCK

i wonder if kass will be here

IT'S RITO ISLAND MUSIC

IM GOING TO CRY

IT REALLY IS!!!! IT REALLY IS RITO ISLAND MUSIC

oh god it's BEAUTIFUL

aw omg the goddess statue here has a flower crown!

all right, fifteen heart containers...the rest will be stamina 5ever

no wait fuck i should have gotten stamina this time!! i'll get a heart from the beast

well i know you can trade them, somewhere out here i think

this beautiful too tbh this is all nice and orchestrated Damn

geez the armor will set me back even more money! not TOO much but when you're saving up for 10k...

well, against my brother's advice, i'm selling monster parts...i know i'll regret it later if i need them to upgrade armor, but i'm trying to stick to the common ones i have like 100+ of, so

aaand 10! woohoo

awww all the little baby rito in the hammocks :')

OMG the biggest rito looks like an owl! kaepora reference

oooh here comes a memory

AHAHAHA

revali and link were rivals. ok. im down with that for sure

and his specisal ability! an updraft!! PERFECT tbh

aww teba's husband doesn't want her son to be a warrior

tho i like the idea that ritos are hotheads hahahaha

zoras and gorons are both kinda collected we needed some assholes

HA i look forward to when revali gives me his special ability

i'm crying teba is such an asshole i LOVE him

wow i guess it's time to fight the beast already...? that was so FAST

omg i get to ride him!!!! yessss

oh my gosh we're up so HIGH oh man oh man the world is so tiny but i know it's really so huge oh god the divine beast is so BIG

lol i probs should have upgraded this rito armor.......

oh well too late now lmao

ohhh i love it when they talk to me

TEBA?

HE'S HURT OMG ):

nintendo would never kill him but omg im so worried about him

AAAAAH THERE'S REVALI

ohhh he's a DICK i LOVE HIM

ooh the master sword DOES glow when it's near the malice blight stuff

lowkey tempted to go back and upgrade this armor lol but i don't wanna leave and who even knows if i have the mats...

i'll just brave it thru like this and it'll be something to brag about later since apparently i suck at everything else

like doing eventide with five hearts on the blood moon

LMAO REVALI IS SO SMUG "you'll need to activate all the terminals, think you're up to it?" he's a DICK and i LOVE HIM i LOVE THE RITO

the music in this one is SO COOL?

i feel more like i'm fighting for my life/against something larger here, rather than just trying to creep through gently without disturbing anything and solve a puzzle for the others

and it's 100% bc of the music jesus christ

i LOVE how much gliding is involved this is EASILY my favorite divine beast so far

lol revali's tone of surprise in "there are two terminals remaining" i love him so much

"just one terminal remaining hmph what do you know" pls

all five down now the true test is can i beat the boss LMAO

the last 3 weren't nearly as bad as i expected, tho the lightning one's teleporting thing was almost too fast for me with my one-handed weapons

so maybe hopefully with good food this will be OK too

ok, i got level 2 cold food so i can get by with just wearing the pants :U not as much defense as i'd like but better than nothin

"it only defeated me bc i was winging this"

"can't believe i'm saying this but avenge me link!!"

ohhh there's accordian in this version of the fight song

KASS ;_;

i wonder if kass's teacher WAS revali, or knew him

LMAO revali trash talks me when i get hit

KEEP YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME i didnt even watch that movie and im laughing at the meme

lmao "broke" the master sword with the last bow

eeeewww

DAAAAAMN

wouldn't even look at link as he left "your job is far from finished you know zelda has been waiting an awfully long time"

haha "i'll be plucked" as well thanks nintendo

"we've been ARTFULLY patient these last 100 years you won't suffer a feather over a few more moments"

geez i love him so much

that was definitely the best divine beast

tho the zora one is a close second

i gotta go make sure teba is ok

IM CRYING ZELDA JUST TOLD ME TO GO TO HYRULE CASTLE

soon i promise ok

time to go see the great fairy :U man i really thought my armor had been improved all it could be...

and 10k down the drain...

omg she's pink :3

im ALSO warping back to akkala to see if i can get any guardian armor yet i've collected a fair amt of parts!

LMAO I FINALLY HAVE THE MATS AND I DON'T HAVE THE CASH rip

ohhhh i see a new storm over hyrule field...DNW

lol maybe i SHOULD have explored it before now...too late now

holy shit i almost ran straight into a flying guardian going after this soul piece

ok, i need a plan...if i wanna beat the game before friday i gotta be Smart

i still need to finish exploring all the provinces, at least at the sursory level i gave to the highlands, but hopefully maybe a little better

i need to go back and do shrines and sidequests

and obviously i need to actually finish

counting today i have three days left so i guress i'll assign one task to each day, the last task obviously being on thursday

less than two hours left for playtime today, but i guess today i should explore, tomorrow i should shrine/sidequest, and i can do a LITTLE of that thursday if needed, and thursday i'll storm hyrule castle. ok

slkfjgh

SDLFGJHDLFKJG god. ok

aaaah the ruins music makes me so sad ):

pffft cute i got a memory where zelda was like STOP FOLLOWING ME I DONT NEED A BODYGUARD at link how adorable

i wanted to get all the memories before i beat the game but they're like ALL in/around hyrule field/castle and i'm afraid if i go there now that i've gotten all the beasts freed i'll trigger endgame events that i can't stop

so i guess i fucked myself over

i think i'll go ahead and get all the towers tho

so i can move around freely

i have time for like one MAYBE two before stream starts

aw this tower in the cold place is so cute and short

looked it up & apparently the heart/stamina swap is in hateno so im gonna go find it!

oh i came at night but that monster store guy is here!!

omg DUDE he sells DARK LINK gear?!?!

and apparently your movement speed goes up at night

the mask and bridles are pretty cool but i HAVE to have this

lmao and i just sold all my parts for that 10k...!

man he doesn't give you a lot tho...like, it has its own currency...i could never sell enough to get even one :/

ok, i can buy the tunic or the legs...but not the face. hmm

i guess the legs alone would look pretty dumb, but i have black pants and a hood that can kinda go with the tunic, so

this is kinda outta nowhere but i wish there was a recipe book for everything we've unlocked or read about, i just can't keep it all in my head

LOL omg that was freaky

okay but now i gotta quit

i didn't get all that i wanted to done, but maybe more later tonight but def tomorrow!!

playing a bit more bc bad choices

oh hmm it looks like i was mistaken and that storm isn't over the castle afterall! thank goodness

oh my god there's SO many shrines in the hebra peak range?? why???

LMFAO im thawing blocks of ice to get to this shrine and one has a moblin in it

me: stops thawing

OH MY GOD

THIS RANGE HAS AURORAS

IM GONNA CRY JFC

and i missed snapping a picture because of enemies!!! im so mad

too bad SO sad i am going back to those fires that started and waiting for night again i WILL get a picture

ugh and now it's snowing

i guess i could unlock this nearby shrine in the meantime

ooh, is that a cabin

;___; old man

end of the game and i still miss you

O: shield surfing

oh man i didnt actually wanna DO it now but

i actually dont know how to do the thing lol

lord, i had to google it. no one said a thing about pressing A

that was fun!! also i was worried i'd get lost so maybe i'll just. not do this for now

THERE! YES! AURORAS!

ooh god there's a silver lynel down there

i know i've been bitching over and over about fights but i lowkey wanna fight it to see if i can

i won't though bc my cold armor isn't very upgraded and my defense would be shot probably even with def+ food

as an aside im glad rivali's ability recharges so quickly i was afraid they'dmake me wait ages like the others

ohhh my god there's SO MANY silver lynel around here WHY

they have such a long detection range and such a scary roar )))):

thank god for rivali's gale i can fly right over him...otherwise i'd have to Run

there's another maze shrine here and im highkey like Ugh

idk if i'll quit when i get to the entrance or after i solve the maze...

i guess i'll give it a quick try and if it's horrible i'll stop until later

naturally i'm wondering if i can solve it on my map first and/or get to the top

if i could before with as little stamina as i had then: sure i'd be able to

probably there are guardians and the answer isnt THAT easy but

the entire maze seems to be one path which is absolutely useless to me like it doesn't look like a maze you solve on paper so i obviously have to find a door or go above or below all that somehow

there are no guardians up here at ALL

in fact i think i even see a hole down to the shrine...

ok, what's the catch, what gives

ah no the hole only goes down a couple of feet and has a chest with a diamond in it

the devs saying "nice try but no" lol

i did find the entrance pretty quick from the top tho! and now i can warp back anytime

or no wait this WAS the challenge i can just go get my orb and ches

DUDE THE ATK+ LEGS......DUDE

ok i gotta figure out the shrine the chest is in and get it i NEED it this armor plus a def+ elixir? i'd be unstoppable, no more dodging fights for me!

well, less dodging fights

ok, so i looked it up and the chest is in a gerudo maze which i didn't even know existed bc i either missed it on the interactive map or it wasn't ther

but it looks Difficult so im gonna save it for tmrw

#personal #loz blogging #botw spoilers

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hermionegranger56 · 5 years

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HELLO LADS I HAVE LISTENED TO LOVER A MILLION TIMES SO HERE’S SOME THOUGHTS:

Just overall as an album here: HOLY. SHIT. that one vanity fair article that said this is gonna save pop music???? THEY’RE RIGHT OK?? this is just a solidly GREAT album all around. It’s lyrically smart, incredibly catchy, heartfelt and vulnerable and empowering. And the best part?? You can tell that Taylor is so genuinely, sincerely HAPPY and IN LOVE and it is downright INFECTIOUS. Even the songs that sonically I didn’t like as much, I couldn’t help but like since you could just feel her palpable joy in every note. I saw someone say that Rep was her finding her voice and Lover is her finally being able to use it how she wants and I couldn’t agree more.

I Forgot That You Existed: soooo catchy!! and god if realizing you forgot about That person ain’t the best feeling! this song perfectly shows that freedom, that joy. the laugh! the “…so yeah”! i live! a strong start

Cruel Summer: A MOTHERFUCKIN BOP THIS SONG MAKES ME SO HAPPY AHHHHH!!! (recommend it at full volume, in the car. really helped my commute today lol) the chorus is just such a good melody. HE LOOKS UP GRINNING LIKE A DEVIL!!!! MURDER ME THE DELIVERY OF THAT LINE WAS SO GOOD can’t wait to scream it on tour

Lover: perfect. perfect. perfect. see here. oh god she’s so in love. I see you Speak Now Taylor, I see you. this song is acoustic folky perfection and i want it at my wedding

The Man: ok moral of the story: fuck men lolol. THIS IS A JAMMM! look, I understand the critiques people are going to have for the message of this song. Without getting too into it, it’s true the song certainly doesn’t cover everything and there are areas of feminism and social awareness she (especially as a successful white woman) can continue to grow and make more of an effort in. HOWEVER, to say that Taylor Swift has not been affected by sexism is just untrue? Her whole reputation was defined for a long time on the double standards that society had for her that she lays out in this song, she went through a sexual assault trial with grace and dignity, she still is put in the pigeon hole of being “overdramatic”, “the victim” etc etc which perpetuates double standards. Taylor Swift has something to say about her valid experiences as a woman in this industry, and we DEFINITELY should not be trying to silence the voices of any women in this day and age. And the song’s simple sentiment of MEN HAVE IT EASIER is something that lots of her fans can relate to, so why not write something relatable, ya know?? idk man i support it, rant over, don’t fight me plz

The Archer: oh boy the ATMOSPHERE. OOF. the perfect 3 am-lightening skies-melancholy soundtrack. and my god if it doesn’t hit every late night insecurity I’ve ever had, like any good track 5 should. “who could ever leave me darling, but who could stay” hits like a sucker punch, by the crescendo at “all the kings horses and all the kings men” I’m screaming the lyrics or sobbing or both. one of my fave track 5s aside from All Too Well and Delicate

I Think He Knows: a BEAT hot DAMN. go GET that man tswift, we stan a confident queen!! BOY I UNDERSTAND?!?!?!? GET IT BITCH YOU’RE HOT SHIT!!! a solid bop!! i wanna dance!!

Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince: this is a MASTERPIECE. holy FUCK. its. there’s just so many LAYERS?!?!? it’s a like a freaking meta analysis of her past image, her current self and today’s fucked up society. I could write a paper about this. I’m endlessly impressed by how she can continue to surprise me with her lyrical skill even after all this time ahhhhhh. also the go! fight! win! cheer is so clever, i love it

Paper Rings: HELLO STAY STAY STAY AND OURS’ POP ROCK LOVECHILD. SOOOOOO INFECTIOUSLY HAPPY OH MY GOD. it’s a romcom come to life, idk i get love, rosie vibes, no idea why. but god i’m 22 full years old and i just danced around my room using a hairbrush as a microphone to this. I’m smiling ear to ear ahhh @ taylor and joe get married rn PLEASE

Cornelia Street: for some reason I didn’t love it at first, but it’s growing on me!! i think “i get mystified by how this city screams your name” sounds so great how she sings it though like that part is incredible. and it’s such a fragile message, that love that you fear might go away at any second and take all the happy memories with it. a sad bop

Death By Thousand Cuts: also growing on me!! I think most people can relate to this so i think it’ll do well. the “trying to find a part of me you didn’t touch” part was also good

London Boy: AHAHAHAHA I LOVE IT it’s cheeky, it’s fun and damn she wants you to know how much she loves her london boy and everything about him!! i also love that motherfucking IDRIS ELBA IS HERE?!?!? “DONT THREATEN ME WITH A GOOD TIME” so. good.

Soon You’ll Get Better: hoo boy. wow. I can only imagine this is about Andrea’s cancer diagnosis and my god my heart goes out to the whole Swift family. I’ve been there with my grandfather and watching him loose that battle in front of me was one of the hardest thing’s i’ve ever done. it’s surreal, the insistence that they HAVE to get better, it’s the ONLY way, that’s how it’s going to be. and now that I’m a nurse and I’m on the other end seeing families go through this, I just…god I don’t think this is going to be one I can listen to often. I said I was “sobbing” during The Archer, well here I actually, physically was. It’s been a long week, nurse-wise :( oh god the sigh right before the last chorus oh god. my true only complaint here is the underutilization of the Dixie Chicks, cause i love them :)

False God: THE SAX. THE SEX. AMAZING hahahaha. this is just a whole ass VIBE, it’s so smooooooth. I’M NEW YORK CITY, damn I love that!! GOD I DON’T EVEN HAVE SPECIFICS THIS IS JUST SUCH A FUCKING GOOD SONG!!! def in my top 5 from this album.

You Need to Calm Down: HEEEEELLLLLLL YEAHHHHH BOP OF THE SUMMER!!!! the chorus makes me SO SUNSHINEY HAPPY!! And I’m glad Taylor is being so vocal about her support for the LGBT community and sending this message of love/renouncing people who spread hate! CAUSE *screams from a mountain* SHADE NEVER MADE ANYBODY LESS GAY!!!!!!

Afterglow: i think this song is absolutely lovely! It takes so much maturity to be able to admit you’re wrong or that you hurt the one you love but that you’re going to continue to fight for them and I love to see Taylor explore that

Me!: ok honestly?? I have never liked the first song Taylor’s released from all of her albums Red and after. BUT they’ve all grown on me! that said, this is probably my least favorite song on the album WHICH IS SO IMPRESSIVE THIS IS STILL A REALLY GOOD SONG!! the me-e-e-e makes me unreasonably happy (similar to the sunshine vibes of yntcd). I just can’t get past the spelling is fun WAIT SHE TOOK IT OUT I’M ABSOLUTELY SCREAMING

It’s Nice To Have a Friend: SIMPLE. BEAUTY. this feels like an interlude of sorts and I love it. it’s first 3 seconds reminded me of the Big Little Lies theme song lolol. this is such a perfectly visual song, it’s like a tumblr list of aesthetics. i REALLY LOVE this one, in ways I can’t put into words

Daylight: ohhhh baby a GOOOOD ENDING. STEP INTO THE DAYLIGHT AND LET IT GO FINALLY MADE ITS DEBUT I’M SO HAPPY. and her words of wisdom at the end, wow. you are what you love. wow taylor truly has come through all of her experiences, good and bad, processed and grown, let it go and is thriving and in love in her own daylight

AND IM SO SO HAPPY FOR HER @taylorswift ILYSM

BRING ON THE LOVER ERA, SEE Y’ALL AT TOUR

#taylor swift #lover #tswift #lover era #ts7 #cruel summer #miss americana and the heartbreak prince #lover album #swifties #yntcd

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onenationprinc-blog · 6 years

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Donald Trump Clowned on Twitter After Struggling to Describe the White House at Easter Egg Roll

Donald Trump is an idiot, this we know, but it’s still amazing to see how far his stupidity can go at times. During a short, nonsensical speech before the traditional White Hous Easter Egg Roll Monday (Apr. 3), y’alls president—flanked by the First Lady, who clearly doesn’t want to be there, and an Easter Bunny with a hilariously perfect expression on its face—struggled with the simple task of describing the home he’s been living in for the past year and some change. He also did that thing he does where he just says random things that make no sense and rambles on and on about absolutely nothing, which irritates the hell out of me. And he also bragged about the military having a $700 billion budget. (Like… who does this?!) Watch here: An honor to host the Annual @WhiteHouse Easter Egg Roll! pic.twitter.com/bOMJRK8FyK — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) April 2, 2018 Welcome to the 2018 White House Easter Egg Roll. So many people. You know, it was supposed to be pouring, the weather. It was supposed to be very rainy and nasty and cold and windy. And look what we have: perfect weather. Perfect weather. Beautiful weather. Thank you all for being here, folks. Thank you all. I want to really thank the First Lady, Melania, who has done an incredible job. She worked so hard on this event, and I so want to thank you. (Applause.) That’s beautiful. Also, I want to thank the White House Historical Association and all of the people that work so hard with Melania, with everybody, to keep this incredible house or building, or whatever you want to call it — because there really is no name for it; it is special — and we keep it in tip-top shape. We call it sometimes tippy-top shape. And it’s a great, great place. It’s an honor to have everybody. On behalf of the Trump family, many of whom are with us right here in the audience, I just want to thank you. This is a special year. Our country is doing great. You look at the economy; you look at what’s happening. Nothing is ever easy, but we have never had an economy like we have right now. And we’re going to make it bigger and better and stronger. Our military is now at a level — will soon be at a level that it’s never been before. It’s a — you see what’s happening, and you see what’s happening with funding. The funding of our military was so important. And so many military people are with us today. So just think of $700 billion, because that’s all going into our military this year. So I want to thank you all for being here. The band, unbelievable. I love you people. I hear them a lot. They’re as talented as anybody and any players anywhere. So thank you very much. And now, I’m going to come down, and we’re going to watch this roll. Thank you, all. And have a great time. Thank you. Happy Easter. Thank you very much. [via: WhiteHouse.org] Ohhhh my Goooood! Why is he soooo dumb?! Unsurprisingly, this isn’t the first time the Tangerine Tyrant has struggled with saying things: “God bless the Unanasighs.” pic.twitter.com/KHwppBsKVq — bobby finger (@bobbyfinger) December 6, 2017 Peep the Twitter reactions to the President of the United States of America’s rambling ass speech and not knowing how to describe the White House below: If only we had a commonly accepted name for it… — Mark Smith (@mes22757) April 2, 2018 Donald Trump: “This incredible house or building or whatever you want to call it because there really is no name for it” It has a name. It’s called the White House — Edward Hardy (@EdwardTHardy) April 3, 2018 This bunny is all of us when he says “this house or building or whatever you call it. There’s really no name for it.” #itsliterallycalledthewhitehouse pic.twitter.com/tUEWNxChqE — Crystal Henry (@CHenryWrites) April 2, 2018 My head hurts. — Yeah. Notsomuch. (@Cycle4) April 2, 2018 Your tippy-top hurts. There is no word for it. — Derek Hartwig (@derek941) April 2, 2018 IT HAS A NAME. IT’S THE WHITE HOUSE. “this incredible house or building or whatever you want to call it because there really is no name for it. It is special. And we keep it in tip top shape. We call it sometimes ‘tippy top’ shape.” pic.twitter.com/KMT90m0oAT — tippy top tobra (@tobraavery) April 2, 2018 oh dear God… Am I watching SNL? ??? “tippy top house”??? ? ? ? This man is ridiculous…. — Abstract Miffy (@AbstractMiffy) April 2, 2018 Hey Trump, the name you are looking for is The White House. You literally used the name of it seconds earlier. …and don’t ever refer to it as “tippy-top shape”. pic.twitter.com/6PB3kp6Z9l — Red T Raccoon (@RedTRaccoon) April 2, 2018 Hope everyone in The @Whitehouse, Sorry I mean, The Tippy-Top Shape, special building thing or what ever you people call it are having a tip-top day, today at the Easter egg roll. — Matheuu (@_Matheuu_) April 2, 2018 Why can’t anything just be normal? All you need: a few thank you’s & Happy Easter. Instead, a weird rant about whether the White House is “a house or a building” and a monologue on how he tries to keep it in “tippy top shape” before bragging to kids about military funding. https://t.co/c7grZf3bkw — Brian Klaas (@brianklaas) April 2, 2018 Jesus Christ. Donald Trump is the stupidest son of a bitch ever to stain the White House with the exception of maybe Ted Nugent. — Fight, Patriots. #RESIST FASCISM. (@howdyfrom) April 3, 2018 Donald Trump is the DUMBEST occupant of the White House I truly Love and Miss President Barack and Michelle Obama. Ignorance and incompetence is @realDonaldTrump — Willie Lee Davis (@WLD01) April 4, 2018 http://feeds.gossiponthis.com/~r/gossiponthis/~3/1chdn7eZhd0/ https://goo.gl/V4ksUi

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junker-town · 7 years

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'The Bachelor' episode 9 recap: Raven's never had an orgasm, Corinne’s fate is sealed

In a short episode, we learn a whole lot about Raven’s past.

The last episode of The Bachelor ended on a cliffhanger, and I have a message for ABC: Stop it. At this point, these shouldn’t even be called cliffhangers, they should be called “how The Bachelor always ends now.”

You don’t have to do this. We didn’t come this far — TO THE FINAL FOUR — not to find out what happens. Those of us still watching this show are in it for the long haul. And sometimes, we just want to find out who gets sent home at the end of an episode like we did in the good old days.

WHATEVER, I’M OVER IT, LET’S DO THIS

When we left off, Andi Dorfman, Nick’s first Bachelor-franchise love, had just showed up at Nick’s hotel room. The producers tried to make it seem like maybe something was going to happen between them, but we, Sports Bachelor Nation, are smarter than that. We knew this was a fake-out, and we were right.

It's a whiskey conversation. @AndiDorfman #TheBachelor http://pic.twitter.com/otd0mIRK3x

— The Bachelor (@BachelorABC) February 28, 2017

All they do is sit around drinking whiskey and talking about Nick’s feelings. Andi’s like, “Soooo, how areeee youuuu?” in that typical way one does when one is on national TV catching up with one’s ex one met and dumped on national TV. Andi tells Nick he should sleep with the women in the fantasy suites if he wants to, rather than hold back in his desire for “clarity” (whatever that means). She calls it her feminist rant.

Most of the whiskey-fueled, feminist rants my friends and I go on end with, “AND THAT’S WHY ALL MEN ARE INHERENTLY BAD AND THE PATRIARCHY MUST BE DISMANTLED!” so I’m not sure Andi’s qualifies, but I guess there are degrees to everything.

Andi asks Nick if he regrets asking, after she dumped him, “Why would you make love with me if you weren’t in love with me?” Nick apologizes. High five, Nick. Way to realize that women don’t have to be in love to get it on.

THE COLDEST ROSE CEREMONY OF ALL TIME

The four remaining women are standing outside on a deck at a hotel in Brooklyn. They’re wearing evening gowns with jackets layered over them. It makes no sense to have them wait outside in New York City in the winter, a place that — believe it or not — does have heated indoor rooms. Trust me, I’m sitting in one right now. They exist.

The chill of a final four rose ceremony just got literal. #TheBachelor http://pic.twitter.com/72TyfVIXjO

— The Bachelor (@BachelorABC) February 28, 2017

All the women are anxiety spiraling in confessionals while Nick gets drunk with his ex-girlfriend. We’re about to cut to commercial, but, before we do, we see a preview of the rest of the episode we’re about to watch, in which Raven tells the camera that she’s never had an orgasm before.

That is ... there is ... WHAT?! She’s 25 and has never had an orgasm? Never at all? Or never with a man she’s having sex with? I have so many questions, but I’m going to wait to worry about it until we actually get to that part of the show.

BACK AT THE FREEZING COLD ROSE CEREMONY

Nick shows up. Raven gets a rose, as we knew she would, thanks to that bombshell of a tease. We know that Rachel won’t end up being the love of Nick’s life because she’s the next Bachelorette, but she’s safe for now.

Oh, God. It’s between Vanessa and Corinne.

NOOOOOO, CORINNNEEEE, NOOOOOOO!

I’m actually yelling at my TV. I knew Corinne had to go home. I knew it, but it still hurts. She’s a young 24, whereas Raven is coming across as an older 25, even though they’re both way too young for Nick, who’s a washed-up, 36-year-old Bachelor-goer-on-er. But I digress: Back to Corinne. NOOOOOO!

#TheBachelor http://pic.twitter.com/qNzGGAVGF9

— The Bachelor (@BachelorABC) February 28, 2017

Nick walks her out, and she apologizes between sobs for ever doing anything wrong. He’s very sweet with her; he’s like, “Trust me, you didn’t.” You can tell he really cares about her, just not in a “wife” way.

Corinne’s sad limo goodbye scene is so Corinne and therefore so perfect that, despite my heartbreak over about not getting to hang out with this spectacular creature every Monday night, I feel a little bit better. She says:

“I just want to feel loved the way it’s supposed to be, like, the normal way. Like, why can’t I just have a normal relationship? I say the things that men think are appropriate and, you know what, I’m done. I’m done trying to show my men how much I love them and care for them and support them. I need that, so if someone feels that way about me, they can come and tell me, and bring a ring, too. I’m done trying to impress these men. I’m going to be me. And whatever happens happens. But I will never kiss up to a man, ever again, in my life. I want to go to sleep.”

And she closes her eyes and goes to sleep.

Corinne’s, I would argue, is the true feminist rant of the night. Or at least as close as we’re going to get.

IT’S TIME TO GO TO FINLAND, THE TROPICS OF THE NORTH

The Bachelor always ends in a tropical location, but you know what they say about Finland: “It’s the Barbados of the Arctic Circle!”

Which is ostensibly why we’re here. It’s very beautiful. There are also only three hours of daylight, which means even more time to get rip-roaring drunk in darkness.

Raven’s date starts out in a bar. They’re playing darts with locals — three jolly, round white dudes wearing fur hats who must be Santa’s cousins.

Yes, this also against the rules in Finland. #TheBachelor http://pic.twitter.com/suqXF1KOzV

— The Bachelor (@BachelorABC) February 28, 2017

To the camera, Nick says that Raven has a “Southern, sweet charm” and a “wonderful, edgy craziness,” which is the “perfect combo of salty and sweet.” He’s “falling harder and harder for her.”

I don’t love the salty-sweet analogy because I don’t think you’d ever describe a man that way, but Nick assures us he’s a feminist when he insists that he doesn’t expect a wife to cook and clean for him.

Raven is like, “That’s good, because I can’t cook.” And Nick is like, “How do you feel about laundry?” And she’s like, “I own a clothing store, I fold stuff all day.” And he’s like, “Well, I can iron.” And she’s like, “Cool, but I’m going to introduce you to a steamer and change your life,” and I’m like, “Why are we trying to one-up each other about chores?”

But, hey, at least they’re discussing the logistics of having a life together rather than just talking about how talking about their feelings went.

RAVEN’S ORGASM-LESS LIFE

Raven, to the camera, says, “I’ve only have sex with one person. I’ve never had an orgasm before. It’s really taboo to discuss, but it’s important ... maybe I hadn’t before with my last person because I really didn’t trust him. You have to trust someone to be able to go there.”

HOO, BOY, there’s a lot to unpack here.

“Being physical and emotional means double the heartbreak if it ends up not being me at the end.” –Raven #TheBachelor http://pic.twitter.com/Y2gGlhTiFm

— The Bachelor (@BachelorABC) February 28, 2017

Imagine a man saying he’d never had an orgasm at the age of 25. I’m sure those guys are out there, but they’re few and far between, because in our society, men are supposed to. And yet, for women, there’s still a lot of shame associated with sexual pleasure.

That’s garbage.

Men: BE BETTER AT SEX!

Honestly, what is your problem? Figure out how to make a woman feel good and then do it, for crying out loud.

R.I.P. Raven’s ex. You just got dunked on so hard on national TV that I’m pretty sure you’re dead now.

If Raven’s lying, and she did have good sex with her ex but is just saying this to get back at him for cheating on her with that nurse, it’s the most impressive troll job I’ve ever witnessed. I wouldn’t put it past her, given that she’s already told us she hit him over the head with a stiletto.

DINNER IN FINLAND WITH LOTS OF WINE AND TALK ABOUT FEELINGS

At dinner, Raven is mainlining red wine, and Nick’s like, “Whoah, take it easy, champ!” Except he doesn’t say that, he just gently makes her put it down.

Raven tells him she was with her ex for two years but they never said I love you, and I’m like, “Oh, my God, you had bad sex with this guy for two years?”

“I’m embracing that I’m in love with Nick and I could spend my life with him.” –Raven#TheBachelor http://pic.twitter.com/LMIMoK7reB

— The Bachelor (@BachelorABC) February 28, 2017

Raven, through tears, says that she feels really comfortable with Nick, and then she says this:

“My dad used to tell me as a little girl that he prayed I would have an easy love. From the very beginning it was easy for me to see you as a partner. It was easy for me to see you, after seeing you with Bella [his little sister they keep trotting out on this show] as being a dad. And then it was too easy, how comfortable I felt with you. And I do love you. The worst thing I could do would be not tell you that.”

I’m here for this. Love is best when it’s easy. When it doesn’t feel like something you have to carve out space for or something that saps energy from you.

I’m going to be earnest for a second and channel my inner advice columnist, something I’ve secretly always wanted to be: If a relationship is painful — if the communication is bad, if the other person can be mean, or make you feel stupid, or taken for granted, or used, or left hanging — that’s hard, difficult love. It can still be love, sure. You can really care about someone who makes you miserable.

You just don’t have to put up with them.

Because I guarantee you — I guarantee — that there’s someone else out there who will be kind to you. Someone who will enrich your life rather than making you want to pull your hair out. “Easy love” won’t always be easy, of course, but starting from a good place makes the bad times far more tolerable than starting from a place that often hurts.

Hold out for that.

*~*~OK, back to your regularly scheduled jokes~*~*

Raven is like, now that I’ve said “I love you,” can I have more wine please? And then she tells Nick she’s never had an orgasm.

We end with Nick reenacting the training montage from Rocky in the snowy, northern woods.

A FEW THOUGHTS

At least there won’t be any added pressure on Nick to make this a good sexual experience for Raven!

I bet he ends up not sleeping with her. He kind of chickens out a lot, so that would be on brand for Mr. Curveball.

I think Nick really likes Raven. I think Raven is going to win.

This was a short episode. Next week is a regular two-hour long, Finnish extravaganza, followed by “The Women Tell All,” when the ones who got kicked off get to confront Nick. So please know that if I die next Tuesday, it was The Bachelor that killed me.

Everyone’s giving Nick shit about the turtleneck sweater he wore, but I don’t really have strong opinions about it. How’s that for a lukewarm take?

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