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exoticalmonde · 8 months

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The Cruel Prince - Tumblr Book Review (19.08.23)

Hello big and small readers, those who are interested in the books because of the tags and those who enjoy seeing others freak out over something they like as well. Welcome to ExoticAlmonde’s monthly book review, where long after Covid I struggle to get back into reading as much as I used to.

I’m greedy for attention and I want to share with potential bookworms my literary accomplishments between updates about my own works. So, this will become a thing. Might be more often than a month, but the overall goal is to just not let myself go.

To Note:

I’m no good at giving proper judgment over anything, probably that’s where I should start from today. I like way too many things and am soft for obstructive criticism in the sense - I feel the need to immediately praise something good even if I share something unsavory about it prior.

Some of the works I will be talking about are translated into my mother tongue, so sometimes there could be differences between the tone and scenario that took place and how I personally understood it.

So with all of that in mind, here’s what I think about this month’s book - The Cruel Prince (from the series ‘The Folk of the Air’) by Holly Black.

ATTENTION: Spoilers

How I obtained the Book:

The Cruel Prince.

It was definitely popular back in my day when it came out in 2019. The first time I tried to read it actually was the first time I went to the seaside with a group of friends. We had just graduated and it was the first year of uni behind my back. I felt more accomplished than I ever realized I would feel.

I actually got it in English the first time. My first book in English was ‘Assassin’s creed Black Flag’ but this was the second one. It’s because me and mother Almonde love reading the same style, so it’s not befitting to get a book I know she would like in a language she doesn’t understand when I know she’d want it.

A guy friend of mine brought HIS in my mother tongue. So, then, over the course of being at the beach my friend and I realized that we would prefer the others' book. And we switched.

So that is how I ended up collecting the full series in my mother tongue. The last three weeks. I’ve had the Second book for a while but the Third was actually a very insecure obtainment. I didn’t know if I will like it, so—

Ah, but there is no shame in that, considering I got to read it much, much later. Much... Much after the hype train.

How long did it take to read:

I grabbed it anew on the 29th of June for another seaside escapade. Unfortunately my friend had a lot of plans for me, so I never get to reading it in depth the way I wanted. 60 pages in, I had to leave it behind between errands and then picked it up on the 14th of August. All 337 pages read for a total of 4 days.

Book cover and alternatives:

The cover of the version I have is this, except the synapsis is different for mine because that is how differences between translated versions work.

Here is what it says:

Jude was seven when her parents were murdered and she and her two sisters were stolen away to live in the treacherous High Court of Faerie. Ten years later, Jude wants nothing more than to belong there, despite her mortality. But many of the fey despise humans. Especially Prince Cardan, the youngest and wickedest son of the High King.

To win a place at the Court, she must defy him–and face the consequences.

As Jude becomes more deeply embroiled in palace intrigues and deceptions, she discovers her own capacity for trickery and bloodshed. But as betrayal threatens to drown the Courts of Faerie in violence, Jude will need to risk her life in a dangerous alliance to save her sisters, and Faerie itself.

Of course I want to be like them. They’re beautiful as blades forged in some divine fire. They will live forever.

And Cardan is even more beautiful than the rest. I hate him more than all the others. I hate him so much that sometimes when I look at him, I can hardly breathe.

Alternatively, this book cover pops up when you look it up.

Personally, I have a gripe with white book covers like these because they turn yellow way too quickly. Mayhaps it's how they produce them here. I'm also more interested in soft covers because seriously, hard covers are like +10 in any currency. For every 4 of those I could get 1 for free.

That aside, I adore the font, the barren branches and the beetle. It's, I think, photoshopped together pretty nicely. Though after being spoiled with original commissioned art for other writers' novels it's lackluster but overall memorable. You see this and think 'Yeah, Cruel Prince'.

‘If you are so imaginative what would you have for the book cover then, Eve?’

Glad you asked. I have no idea. I’m biased towards the works of Charlie Bowater, so there are some scenes from the book that might look fantastic involving the main duo. Actually, my only gripe is the crown. I probably need to re-check and come back to this paragraph but I thought the crown itself is made out of branches/thorns and the one on the cover is…

Mm, with that said, I haven't seen any interviews with the writer, so maybe she has explained why she chose that but OVERALL - memorable and it looks good when all three books of the series (four, as of now) are put together.

Actually, it's impressive that it's the same crown all around. That's really nice.

The story:

As stated, The Cruel Prince tells the horrible tale of a pair of twins - named Jude and Taryn Duarte - who were kidnapped from their family home and were dragged into the fairy realm by their mothers' ex husband Madoc.

Who was, understandably, absolutely enraged she disappeared back into the human realm, remarried and got two new kids, since he was actually made to think their home burned down and found two corpses - that of a woman and a child.

He did have a child with her initially. It's very difficult for female elves to carry an offspring, so eventually you learn that many would pick up a human wife to keep the population going. Her name is Vivienne. The kid.

And like with any fairytale you learn that fae folk are very unaccomodating to people. So we got:

Magic fruit

Salting all food to break magic food as a must

Music that makes humans dance until they die of exhaustion

Wine that makes them fantastically drunk

Magic spells to control humans

Brainwashing humans into thinking they are somewhere nice (human trafficing)

Overall racism towards humans is roiling because they are mortal, easy to kill and utterly unimportant and numerous in the face of the better, prettier, more elegant and rich fae.

Jude sticks out as a person who is very selfless and headstrong. She's stubborn as a muel for what she wants and she knows exactly what she deserves. This girl wants to be a Knight in the fae lands and wants to embrace a part of this life she's grown to love-hate despite the bloody past her childhood is matted with.

Apart from that, she remains very human in the emotional sense. She's afraid and knows it, so to survive she hides it behind an infuriating facade of striving that sometimes brings more bad than good. Simple and easy, yet she keeps slipping. Accident after accident, after a couple bully scenes and after belittlement you can see she's getting affected by it because deep down, yeah, she wants to be like them since they're obviously better. When surrounded by all this negativity and being uncontrollably different it's much easier to submit to the mass opinion of your flawed nature. And through the story it's potentially getting better due to a small turn of events.

Her ability to don dresses and dance and still come out and think 'Wow, can't wait to wear armor' is a classic and worn-down state of girlhood in teen books but that's exactly what I read it for. Jude is famous for a specific look of hers and even a certain artist comes to mind when it comes to the look of ‘Jude’, however I’m really curious to see what her other dressed looked like: the one she wore to the crowning ceremony and the one she wore to the other crowning ceremony where it actually worked out.

Contrary to her desire for military accomplishment, her sister wants to fall in love with somebody and be a part of the fae the other way you can imagine - marriage. We even learn she has somebody who has been wooing her and for a split moment you feel like 'Okay sounds good if it works out' but you know it might not. All throughout the book any note of love between species is a little off in a way and with such a dramatical start... You aren't sure you want that now.

Madoc leaves me in shambles.

Maybe with him I shall introduce the world of the fae which is full of any folk creature you can probably imagine like bog spirits, fairies and half-person half-creature people.

We've got kelpies, we have selkies, trolls, goblins, we have redcaps. And not the type of red caps you can imagine (like me - thinking garden gnomes), but red cap comes from these types of fae that relish dipping their special li'l hat in their victims' blood. To make it reddish brown.

That happened to Jude's mother. It will happen again. Madoc keeps it under a glass cover like some relic. He freaks me out but he is also obviously some type of father figure. Jude reminds us every time something happens that he DOES love them as his own children, he does what he thinks is best for them and gives each of the sisters their individual type of training. Jude being more combat and tactical planning while Taryn gets their stepmom Orianna to teach her etiquette and elegance of the fae.

The fae lands are also split into many types of kingdoms, the main one of which the ruling Kingdom of family Greenbriar.

Dark fae, Light fae, Under-The-Sea fae, you name it.

But I suppose it's important to note that not all fae are against people.

You could find some of them being genuine lovers. Some of them eat chinese take out together. Some fae would rather live in the human world - like Vivianne who has a girlfriend there.

DID I MENTION, this is tagged LGBTQ? Well, it is. We have all kinds of couples happening and it's endlessly endearing.

We also have romance that Jude can indulge in with a man named Locke, whose foxian eyes and smooth talk is way too enticing to look away from, especially when he’s been treating her better than Cardan’s group for long enough to earn the benefit of the doubt.

But in book one, we get to have a real look mainly at Jude and her arch nemesis, the youngest prince of the High King, Cardan Greenbriar.

He is the cruel prince. It's about their hate between them, about their incapability to sit together in class without him being fussy or some kind of nuisance. Him, and his band of high faelings, who have absolutely nothing better to do than get high off golden pollen, wine and bully the life out of Jude.

During a contest where knights have to prove themselves in front of the royal family, Jude arrives, without the blessing of Madoc. She's allowed to participate but not compete for the attention she has so much desired and it’s crushing to watch.

From time to time it really gets me with how it feels like a kid anticipating asking a parent for approval. And even when refusing to allow her to compete over dinner Madoc isn't cruel or mean. He explains why she's not allowed to do that and she reluctantly follows his command in spite of me expecting she will not.

After winning though on her side of friendly spars and games, Jude encounters Cardan and they have a little carfuffle. That's what gets the second eldest brother Dain into Mardoc's office.

But instead of scolding her, he offers a position. Work from the shadows. Work for Dain. And when he is on the throne she will be able to have a title and the comfort she wants. Overall Dain’s character reveals a good and worthy king to the fa nation who would be such a better option than Cardan or his other brother that’s interested in the power.

So through that we get invited into a bizarre world of underground, almost found family-esque group of people, all without a proper name:

- The Roach

- The Bomb

- The Ghost

Jude's yet to earn her title, so they call her by her name most of the time. She's a fast learner and suddenly she belongs. Juggling with sneaking out, learning more battle tactics with Madoc, ingesting poisons for immunity and different other exercises with the gang alongside going to school and doing as well as to not rouse attention... Wow, sounds like me.

Gym, school, food poisoning, meeting family. The cycle continues, am I right?

But with all great things come the problems.

You see, the High King is getting old and he's experiencing some vague sense of probably dying, so there's a Ball that's going to happen in some time. The crown of this High King is inherited only by whoever he thinks deserves it. And since the crown is sacred and cursed, nobody can put it on if it was not bestowed by a direct descendant.

Everything lead to Dain being the future ruler. everybody supported him, including Madoc who is a very good friend of his, his entire family, the guard, other fae and Jude, who has also been allowing others to assume the reason Dain is visiting her so often is because she has some sort of intimate interest in him.

Well, in truth, it’s not really like that.

Jude, through her time of training, went through a lot. She managed to sneak into the first eldest prince’s castle and stole a letter from his office. Unfortunately there she encountered a scene which I think would entirely change the way she views Cardan.

You see, he’s getting abused there. Struck with a stick until he can’t get up from the floor, belittled, all because he has been showing subzero interest in using a sword, or learning how to use one in general.

His words about how he doesn’t want to be a murderer will echo back some day, but for now it’s just a very dramatic and unfortunate scene. Makes you want to pity him. Bullies always come from a difficult place, otherwise why even put up the effort in being a disturbance.

Beforehand, Jude had snuck into Cardan’s bedroom by mistake and accidentally found a book she’s been missing from the human world - Alice in Wonderland and Alice Through the Looking Glass. She steals it from him because why would he even care about that book right? He hates humans, it shows with every word, look and gesture.

After returning from that mission Jude realizes that things aren’t as simple as that. In that book was tucked all the evidence she needed to understand just how deep Greenbirar’s hatred towards her specifically ran.

That’s the least of her problems. Suddenly one of Cardan’s cronies - Valerian - turns out way too vengeful out of nowhere. He almost kills Jude once, orders her through magic to commit suicide (which Dain had enchanted her to not be affected by since that was one of her conditions when she wore to follow his commands) and then in a fit of drunked rage had crawled through her window and attempted to murder her himself.

The outcome of that fight was traumatic to say the least. And it all comes from Cardan probably getting tired of Jude’s existence overall.

And that is enough to distract us from anything else that was brewing around Jude until the focal point - Madoc’s betrayal. He actually sided with the eldest son, Balekin, to seize the throne. In one night, more than half of the Greenbriar family has been murdered because everybody from the youngest sisters to the King and his Consort refused to crown this fratricide.

Jude was not supposed to be there. Her family had been escorted outside the ballroom before anything while she was stuck in the crowd and witnessed everything. Mind reeling, she realizes that Cardan, in a blink, would become the most anticipated person to show up at the party.

Of course he’s gone. Drunk in some corner and probably not even knowing what’s happening. That’s the opinion we’d all have after 200 pages of ‘What’s his problem’ scenarios. In the end, Cardan is the one who finds Jude hiding under a couple tables because in the outside elves are continuously partying despite the stench of blood and the presence of royal bodies on the podium.

They make for the exit and end up in the hideout Dain had prepared for his shadows. Except, she’s not even there to help. It turns into helping after a couple conversations since the long and twisted tale of the royal family and all that happens in the shadows spills out only when Cardan is tied to a chair with an arrow pointed at his heart.

Consorts poisoned, child murder and the King toyed with believing Dain is the better option - this entire story is not at all as clean. Cardan wants nothing to do with the throne. All he wants is to live peacefully somewhere away from here and to drink himself into oblivion while nobody ever looks for him. He’s not a threat to the throne but he is a pawn.

While devising the plan Jude goes back home to Madoc as if nothing happened, because she wanted to know just how much any side is willing to give for Cardan and her life’s improvement in the fae realm. Instead, she gets a face full of her twin sister Taryn and the man Jude had been spending some romantic time with - Locke. Having… Been engaged.

Ouch. I personally expected Taryn would do something bad like marrying Valerian and then when he was killed by Jude she’d be momentarily weepy because her betrothed ran away and never engaged with Madoc about her hand, but instead… Locke.

Well, now her mind about Cardan is definitely made up, right?

Wrong. He’s still a pawn.

Jude’s pawn. Since her young brother Oak ends up with a backstory that nobody anticipated. And blood which allows that cute seven-year-old to put the crown upon the head of whoever he’s told to. He’s the perfect person to be crowned by Cardan in return, to escape into the human world so he’d come back liking humans more and would be more willing to rule righteously.

They had a plan I never thought I could see summarized in 4 points which begin with: 1. Get in and 4. Get out. Anything in between I am pretty sure was a ‘depends on the situation’ scenario.

It worked though. Technically. Oak, the little brother, was meant to be crowned, but at the last minute, Jude changed her mind. The only way to save the throne for his grown-up little brother is if someone is already sitting on it and protecting it.

And with the risk to truly turn this semi-ally into an enemy she’d never imagined she’d have at this scale, Jude allows Oak to crown Cardan before they escape. As a better alternative, the fae folk are actually willing to support HIM even if he’s also not the ruler everybody was hoping to have.

The final pages sent chills down my arms. jude wanted to go apologise for betraying Cardan in this way and forcing him upon the throne he hated so much. As it happens, nothing of the like comes out of her mouth and we end up with one of my favorite quotes.

Memorable Quotes:

—

“In Faerie, there are no fish sticks, no ketchup, no television.”

(This is how the novel starts.)

—

“It's shocking," he says, as though he's giving me some great compliment. "I know humans can lie, but to watch you do it is incredible. Do it again.”

(Fae folk cannot lie, so when encountering humans some of them can sense the lie. In this particular instance I probably laughed until teary-eyed because Dain was treating Jude like a monkey. ‘Do it again.’ he says.)

—

“Guard your mortal heart.”

—

“I am no murderer,” says Cardan, surprising me. I would not have thought that was something to be proud of.

—

“I stand in front of my window and imagine myself a fearless knight, imagine myself a witch who hid her heart in her finger and then chopped her finger off.”

—

“Get down here before you’re recognized.”

“Playing hide-and-seek under the table? Crouching in the dirt? Typical of your kind, but far beneath my dignity.”

He laughs unsteadily, like he expects I am going to laugh, too. I don’t. I ball up my fist and punch him in the stomach, right where I know it will hurt. He staggers to his knees. The goblet drops to the dirt, making a hollow clanking sound. “Ow!” he shouts, and lets me tug him under the table.”

(... *stifling a chortle*)

—

“Faeries make up for their inability to lie with a panoply of deceptions and cruelties. Twisted words, pranks, omissions, riddles, scandals, not to mention their revenges upon one another for ancient, half-remembered slights. Storms are less fickle than they are, seas less capricious.”

—

“I can feel the moment he gives in and gives up, pulling me to him despite the threat of the knife. He kisses me hard, with a kind of devouring desperation, fingers digging into my hair. Our mouths slide together, teeth over lips over tongues. Desire hits me like a kick to the stomach. It's like fighting, except what we're fighting for is to crawl inside each other's skin.”

—

“But I will not stand in front of your happiness. I will not even stand in front of misery that you choose for yourself.”

(This line is spoken by Madoc when speaking to Taryn and jude about Locke. He thinks that Taryn shouldn’t be marrying him. He won’t stop her from doing it though. Jude at this point has better problems than Locke.)

—

“So I am to sit here and feed you information,” Cardan says, leaning against a hickory tree. “And you’re to go charm royalty? That seems entirely backward.”

I fix him with a look. “I can be charming. I charmed you, didn’t I?”

He rolls his eyes. “Do not expect others to share my depraved tastes.”

(Devastated.)

—

“How will I know when I’ve learned it, since I don’t know it now?” he asks.

The question sounds like a riddle. “Come back when returning feels like a hard choice instead of an easy one,” I answer finally.”

(Baba Oak ends up living with Viviene and her girlfriend in the human world for a while and this is a conversation they have with Jude. I used to find him a little spoiled and too much of a rowdy brat /affectionately/ but now I really do like him. I wish to know what happens to him in the future.)

BEST QUOTE OF THE ENTIRE BOOK:

“He rises from the throne. “Come, have a seat.” His voice is replete with danger, lush with menace. The flowering branches have sprouted thorns so thickly that petals are barely visible.

“This is what you wanted, isn’t it?” he asks. “What you sacrificed everything for. Go on. It’s all yours.”

Overall Experience:

Very pleasant. I'm happy to have given it another chance and I will continue next month's (if not sooner) book commentary on 'The Wicked King'.

Rating:

⭐⭐⭐⭐

4/5 stars

Seeing the quotes, I've become envious of the English version. It's so prettily worded, all of it. I need to learn.

#the cruel prince #holly black #cardan greenbriar #jude duarte #book review #book commentary #1st person pov #personal opinions #drama #fatasy #emotional damage #heart damage #good experience #recommendation #book 1 out of 4 #first time doing a blog like this #fantasy

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inkskinned · 10 months

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so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.

first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.

it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.

and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.

you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.

and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.

your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.

in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.

in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.

so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.

you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.

once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.

and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"

you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?

hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!

you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.

we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?

#where's the word woman in this u might wonder if u suck #good news i am nonbinary and have a uterus so that is something that can happen #im also gender fluid tho which means im immune to certain psychic damage bc if u call me a woman i'll be like <3 okay <3 #writeblr #the tightrope of ''ppl need access to this''#and like also #''what the fuck is going on over there'' is like. so difficult as an activist #i was <3 punctured <3 during mine #and almost bled out on the table :) they didn't have anyone standing by bc it's ''just a little insertion''#so i started crashing and i vaguely remember apologizing for the fuss as i heard my heart rate monitor start going <3 tachycardic <3 #she wasn't even a bad doctor tbh #ps btw the reason i even HAD a heart monitor is that i have a genuine heart condition and they knew GOING IN that there was a chance #i'd crash on the table #like my heart just likes to do fun little tricks and <3 stop working <3 (i do not want to discuss the specifics ty i am okay im ontop of it #and they were like 'oh u will be fine' and then she did do a puncture thru my uterus . pop!#and im sitting there dizzy and feeling my heartrate start to drop bc it feels almost. beautiful. like. the whole ground just #woosh! out from under you. and shit is like grey's anatomy. i'm looking up at her grey eyes #she's old she wears this nice shawl she's like got Cool Lesbian vibes and people are sprinting into the room #from other parts of the clinic unrelated to me. while the monitor is like a little aria singing #and shes like hey youre okay stay awake stay with me something went wrong we have to keep trying #and i remember thinking - i was trying to think of nice things. i have so many beautiful places that now overlap #with this terrible memory #i became dimly aware that there was too much on her wrists and hands. like #that was too many liters #and then when they had finished all this. i packed up and drove myself home #i have had (bad thing) happen to me. and the same feeling happened after #that numb almost lamblike bleating. you cry without noise. like. ur body is so shocked and ur mind so empty #you just stare at the road and everything everything is happening behind glass and static and you are standing so far away from it #while you hold ur hands at 10 and 2. and something in ur brain is SCREAMING at you - IT WAS BAD AND IT SHOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED #and ur just watching the alarms in your body going off and youre thinking. a little pinch! ha. i think i just lost something important.

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