#how have I survived as a human being

[turtleblogatlast]

Unironically think that each of the bros (+April) don’t actually get how impressive their feats really are so they just do what they do and on the off chance someone comments on those feats they all react like:

#rottmnt #tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #no but really #I love thinking that they’re actually way more prideful about the stuff that does not even hold a candle to their other feats #like yeah Mikey can open a hole in the space time continuum but that’s nothing have you TRIED his manicotti?? #yeah Leo has outsmarted multiple incredibly intelligent and capable people AND knows how to rewire AI but eh did you hear his one liners? #donnie accidentally made regular animatronics sentient but that was an oopsie check out his super cool hammer instead #raph was able to fake his own death to save the entirety of New York and then be the one to bring about his brothers’ inner powers- #but forget about that did you know he can punch like a BOSS? #and April can survive and THRIVE against a demonic suit of armor alongside literal weapons of destruction as a regular human- #but her crane license is where it’s really at #(not to mention all the other secondary talents and skills these kids all just sorta have like - they are VERY CAPABLE) #honorable mentions in this regard go moments like #donnie ordering around an entire legion of woodland critters to create a woodsy tech paradise #or Leo being able to avoid an entire crowd’s blind spots in plain sight #and also being able to hold a pose without moving a millimeter while covered in paint and being transported no I’m NOT OVER THAT #Mikey casually being ridiculously strong and also knowledgeable enough about building to help Donnie make the puppy paradise for Todd #Raph literally led an entire group of hardened criminals like that entire episode was just #basically they’re all so capable???? #and at the same time prone to wiping out at the most inopportune of moments #love them sm

[uncanny-tranny]

So much love and recognition to the people who don't know how they feel about recovering. To the people whose scars are fading away, and there's a sinking feeling, despite knowing that it's a good thing. To the people who miss when they were "worse," when they felt "broken." To the people who mourn losing their coping mechanisms, even the ones that were destructive, scary, or unpleasant. To those who feel guilty they're healing because their past self wasn't ready.

Whatever it is, there is nothing wrong with any of those feelings. It's a natural reaction, something you don't have ultimate control over. There is nothing shameful about yourself, and I admire the strength it takes to recognize how you feel, even the parts that do feel like the "wrong" reaction to a Good Thing.

#mental health #self harm tw #self harm mention tw #sh tw #mental health recovery #mental health support #i love you i love you i love you #i admire you and empathize with you and want to be your fellow man. i want to share this wold *with* you #and that includes sharing a world that you aren't sure you deserve or are ready for #the world can wait. humans have been here for hundreds of thousands of years. it can wait #when i think about all this what makes me feel better is remembering how many billions of people have lived #and it makes me feel better to know that there has never been a problem too big to have - to uniquely awful #i have my own conflicted feelings about this because objectively i am healing #but it feels like i have boarded on land after surviving the worst trip to sea ever... #...a trip that was plagued with my ship being flung through hurricanes and lightnight and i'm only manning a sailboat... #...and i have found land and that land is good... #...but my legs feel like they will give out underneath me because this is solid land that i have never stood on... #...and you get used to the constant seasickness and sealegs and wondering *how* you'll make it out - If you will... #...the peace feels like a ruse at times because all you've known was chaos. but it's a good ruse and a comfortable one #and so you learn i guess to sink into the comfort like a spft feather pillow

[snekdood]

There are genuinely people online that instead of actually bringing people to the left, at this point, would prefer that anyone who was previously not on the left but who tries to be *stays* outside of the left, because i guess its just easier to comprehend when the world is put into little shitty boxes you labeled for them instead of actually thinking for once and having the nuance to understand them. Like thats wild to me that theres people who would prefer you not be on the left or not try to be. Yall GENUINELY do not care about advocating for your side politically in any capacity. Its LITERALLY just a clique you've found yourself in. And theres nothing progressive about that or being exclusive, wtf do you think this shit is, a night club? Grow the fuck up, honestly.

#A whole lot easier to consistently point and laugh at the same person than to ever encourage them to change i guess #yall are weak #Yall wont get us anywhere and actively hurt progressive causes #And the worst part is most of the ppl like this are on tumblr and a lot of the people on tumblr absolutely suck as human beings #and never want to do anything about it either partially because they think theyre above any form of therapy 🙄 #Idk. maybe its a comfort thing. Like things have to be exactly how they remembered them the day before or else they'll idk lose their mind #Like some of yall would prefer the world stays black and white and thats sad #Lets be honest. What it really is is you dont want to have to feel any potential guilt for treating someone as if theyre just #discardable trash when they werent. #Bc ur just oooohhh soooo perfeccctttt and it just fucks with your self perception when someone even inadvertently suggests #you did something wrong lmao. #yall wont survive in this world

[starry-bi-sky]

more cfau miscellaneous things because Childhood Friends Danny and Jason have my head and heart always and I need to finish rewriting chapter two dammit (and redo the half-finished chapter 4 because its just Not The Vibes). i'm almost through I need to get through the graveyard scene. (i just stubbornly refuse to have it be shorter than the original chapter and thats the little death. that is the mind killer.)

Danny and jason’s ghost forms both smell faintly like burnt flesh and cigarettes. However, Jason has a more smokey smell while Danny’s smells almost,,, electrical? In a sense? Like he just straight up smells like burnt flesh and sulphur while Jason smells like someone put him in a smoker first.

It’s very much an unpleasant smell but Danny finds an odd comfort in it just as much as he finds a comfort in the smell of nicotine.

(Jason post-revival smells burnt flesh once and is immediately offput by the fact that it brings him an instinctive comfort. He doesn’t realize its because it reminds him of Danny, and is uncomfortable by it.)

-

In an au of an au, Danny’s altercation with Rath ends with Rath regaining enough of his sanity to snap out of the grieving state and ends with him breaking down. Instead of being souped and imprisoned, Rath, who is permanently 14, decides to Move On into the unknown. He’s exhausted, heartbroken, and tired.

(Is this influenced heavily by the ParaNorman scene where he talks to Agatha and helps her move on? Yes. But it doesn’t fit with the Original Storyline so im shoving it into an Au of an Au.)

Rath tells Danny that Jason lied to them (which he genuinely believes), and that he’s tired of waiting/looking for him/grieving. Jason is gone. He isn’t coming back, he abandoned them. And he wants his mom and dad, and his sister, and his friends. And he’s ready to join them.

He leads Danny out to Gotham, which other than Amity Park might’ve been the only city left untouched due to Rath’s own mental block on the place. They go out to the park he and Jason used to frequent or up to one of crime alley’s rooftops, and there Rath lies down and goes to sleep. Only to never wake up again, materializing into nothing as his soul moves on.

Before Rath leaves, he forces Danny to promise him that he’ll only wait for Jason for ten years. After that if he doesn’t find him, or if Jason doesn’t show, then Danny has to move on. Whether that be like how Rath does, or if its inly mentally/emotionally, doesn’t matter. He has to move on. Don’t wait for him. Don’t waste his time any more.

(“Oh, and if you find him, kick his ass for me.”)

Danny reluctantly agrees, and Rath lies down. Danny sings to him as he falls asleep.

(Angsty points if the vigilantes including Red Hood caught wind of their presence and were silently watching from the shadows. Rath might know they’re there, but Danny’s too focused on Rath to notice.)

(If only so that Red Hood realizes that this is what happened to Danny, and that Danny is gone before he can make things right. The tragedy, folks. The angst. The initial realization that Danny was Rath, and then also that Danny was dead and has been dead for years, and that before he moved on, he moved on believing that Jason abandoned him.)

(like i said it doesn't fit in the original timeline/storyline hence why its an au of an au and isn't nearly a fleshed out, but i was largely just focusing on the tragedy of Rath moving on and Jason being alive to see it and realize just who Rath is.)

-

Just like how the Lazarus pits shot Jason's twiggy 4'6-5'4 (depending on what you find) feet tall and 86lb ass up like a tree an essentially fixed his malnutrition, the portal did the same thing for Danny.

(granted i forgot about malnutrition and danny's likely stunted growth at first -- his family lived in crime alley and despite both his parents working, I don't think they had enough food all the time. He probably wasn't as badly malnourished as Jason was, but he wasn't healthy either.)

Granted his ghost in its "natural" state (14) is short, and his growth spurts were slow at first, it did result in him reaching his dad's height. There were points where it just happened overnight, like a baby. He went to bed one night 5’6 and woke up the next day 5’10.

Jazz is shorter than him. Although I have't decided if she's even liminal at all (and if she is, it didn't cure everything because she would have also suffered childhood malnutrition, and since in au canon their parents didn't get their hands on physical ectoplasm until after they got to Amity Park. So the exposure is less.)

-

Danny's voice absolutely sounds like canon Dan's. It kinda just dropped one day when he was 16-17 and never went back up. Sam and Tucker sometimes ask him to just talk about anything because they find his voice soothing.

I'm not sure yet how Danny would feel about it at first considering Rath, but I imagine that Rath, when he did speak, would have had a quieter and scratchier/weaker voice considering he's spent the last decade shrieking and crying.

(and i suppose technically that shouldn't have any effect on his throat considering he's a ghost and idk if that would actually affect him, but i like the idea so im keeping it)

In the beginning you could hear him from a mile away by the sound of his loud, echoing wails, but ten years later you can only really hear him by the soft, shuddering sobs he makes. Like he's gasping for air that isn't there. The future is full of very quiet survivors.

And it's much easier to speak when you pitch your voice upwards (especially when whispering/speaking quietly) so he might've spoken in a higher, airy pitch in order to be heard. So Danny might actually find a comfort in having a lower voice.

#tw mentions of gore #cw gore #i suppose this counts as gore #dp x dc #danny fenton is not the ghost king #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc #dpxdc crossover #childhood friends au #cfau #really leaning into the idea of rath just being a horror. the horrors! i am delighted in the horrors! #im having fun with it #i swear to god turning 19 turned a switch on in my brain because i am much more comfortable with gore and heavy injury now than i was l #literally a year ago. the urge to write about some of danny's most horrific injuries in his fights is STRONG #like the hORRORS folks. *th horrors*. i dont think i'll ever write a dissection fic because that icks me out but the idea that danny's had #to stitch up his own throat because it got slit in a fight nd he cant shift back to human until he's done because his ghost will survive bu #his body wont #the idea that he's been impaled multiple times before and it hurts each fucking time but he still gets up and hurls the hurt right back in #equal measure. because that's how you wanna play? okay. lets play. he's 14 and his best friend is dead. he can play. #and the idea that all ghosts have 'corpse' forms where their ghosts look exactly like how they died. and danny is utterly unrecognizable #jazz being liminal or not just isnt important to me because she's barely gonna show up in the story anyways #same reason why i hardly use the headcanon that ellie becomes danny's daughter because what use is she to me like that? she'll hardly have #an impact on the story and i refuse to treat characters like props. if they can't help progress the story then they aren't included

[stuckinapril]

I’ve always loved medicine bc it’s the perfect intersection of science and humanity—the two things I value above all else in this world. Truly adored it since I was in the cradle. But now I’m thinking about how so much of my journey to neurosurgery will have to involve KILLING my feelings essentially bc how do you survive otherwise

#Not to mention the surprisingly high suicide rate of surgeons that’s been brought to my attention lately #Honestly I just started my neuro internship and just saw my first patient in clinic #And on the day I did I was critical of my neurologist for being so robotic about it #Now I can see why #I’m still at a point where I can’t even do a chart review for a patient without feeling so fucking sad #And I can see how that can get unsustainable after a while #But it’s like if I kill the feelings that drive my passion for medicine to begin with then what’s the point #It’s not like I’m in it for the money or prestige bc that’s so dumb considering how long the schooling is #But literally how to deal #My supervisors at the clinic very much all speak about the dementia patients w a learned impartialness #But I don’t wanna be that way one day :( but how to be anything else and still survive #I’m pre med so I still have time and maybe my opinion will change and I’ll wanna do another specialty #But when it comes to this every specialty will involve human lives and navigating that regardless #That said I can see why surgeons are at higher risk or depression suicide etc #The whole point of this internship is to teach myself how to navigate this stuff but. Hate it #p #med tag

[ichthyorelationships]

an idea i invite anyone else to write about / run with lol....

the premise that The Change gets all messed up for alberto, say it's something that can happen from stress, &/or happens rarely and you just have to wait for it to resolve itself....used as some parallel to struggling through some emotional turbulence / upheaval / questioning / Realizing Things, etc etc

#luca 2021 #pixar luca #alberto scorfano #another idea i've failed to write for & so invite anyone else to run with: ciao alberto but what if he peaces out by swimming off lol #ends up in a coastal town maybe an hour's swim from genoa. but not Getting In Touch w/anyone for a while b/c plausibly he thinks that #giulia may not be a fan of him now by extension; just being too embarrassed asf to reach out to luca kinda lol....luca off doing his own #thing just fine & alberto not wanting to write him now like b/c i Ruined Everything again ahaha.... #and by ''not in touch w/anyone for a while'' who knows. months; a few years even....might stumble across news of him b/c like. #say more sea folk are coming to land / more humans know abt them & not many places are as [harpoon]ly from the start anyways #portorosso exceptional in that way....maybe where alberto settles down they're like legendary but also considered Good Luck anyways lol. #anyways like some people know of him who might; say; swim down to portorosso. have their own teen who knows a teen who mostly lives on land #most convenient re sparking [wow could they mean Our alberto] if he doesn't go so far as to take up an alias lol. but why would he.... #that difference in that massimo might figure that however alberto was surviving before; he could continue to do so now; but even though tha #is some comfort it's still Not Actually Enough....feeling way more Parentally towards alberto than his biological dad like that; obv #and anyways re: this [The Change gets messed up] idea it's more of an inconvenience lol but one that could still have some significance #like if he first finds out the issue exists via hopping right into the ocean; failing to change forms; never being human form'd in water b4 #thee worst....crash intro course to the experience of drowning. observation of How Humans Swim / being able to grab any part of the boat... #and besides That unpleasantness it's like; hey. where's my nonhuman form at #or; of course; being in sea form even while dry....especially if he's still dealing with Nonsense on land. which is presumed. #&/or if there's an upswing in nonsense b/c of Other ways you're Othered...ofc we can consider like; tfw you're a gay fish & maybe that's no #something that on its own would be like Aah until it's like well a) i kinda wanna do things that would make this Visible and b) i've learne #that humans also Have Issues about this kind of thing.... #appropriately my tablet was also all thrown off. no pressure sensitivity; input sensitivity overall was rough #but i would've had to restart my laptop about it lol like eh i'll just work around it

[nthflower]

KILLING IS DISTASTEFUL...

...to me

#john kramer is so silly peepaw i love you #“thats a human being mark don't dump his unconscious body to floor like that” #then goes and puts the same guy into most twisted dark agonising torture device trap in the whole series and calls it his favourite #i love his hypocrisy #destroying an entire family giving only surviving member child life long ptsd just to teach amanda direct killing is wrong #mandy how dare you to put your victims into impossible traps #you needed to make them cut their our feet while their family is in gun point by the guy you poisoned you silly #saw #i am having so much fun more than i expected #piranha..

[jaynovz]

I do wanna say re: Silver Backstory and my rec list and my tendency to poke and prod and explore where he may have come from--

That's not me saying that the way his character is presented in the canon *needs* that, at ALL.

First off, the speech on the cliffs, the Solomon Little stories, the complete inability to share?

It's perfect for the character, as well as an absolutely jaw-dropping ballsy as hell decision to make a prequel/adaptation about the most famous pirate figure in Western media and simply... refuse to define him in those terms the way we've seen the other main characters. It's such a ballsy and brilliant move that sometimes I stare at the wall thinking about what they have done and just, god I hope one day I can write something that great. I could go on about that but it's not my main point.

Second off, many ppl have said that the point is that the story of Black Sails itself *becomes* his origin, and in many ways that is absolutely true and I agree.

However, I also wanna point out that the acting and the writing reflect all the information we would ever need to know about John Silver even if he cannot bear to speak it in specifics.

in 4.9, Silver says:

“I have no story to tell. It all might seem as though I’m trying to conceal something from you, but… truth is, there is no story to tell. ... Not unremarkable, just…without relevance. A long time ago, I absolved myself from the obligation of finding any. No need to account for all my life’s events in the context of a story that somehow…defines me. Events, some of which, no one could divine any meaning from…other than that the world is a place of unending horrors. I’ve come to peace with the knowledge…that there is no storyteller imposing any coherence, nor sense, nor grace upon those events. Therefore, there’s no duty on my part to search for it. You know of me all I can bear to be known. All that is relevant to be known."

"Other Than That The World Is A Place Of Unending Horrors."

Now, coming at this as someone with my own fucked up trauma, that one sentence coupled with the performance from Luke really tells us everything we need to know.

So yeah, in a way it both does and doesn't matter that we don't get his history wrapped up in a pretty package, both bc it's NEVER THAT SIMPLE, and bc his REACTIONS to events/ppl are... so VERY clearly the reactions of someone who has been deeply traumatized. We don't NEED to know for the story and character to work EXACTLY as intended.

We can see him, we the audience. If you pay attention, he is not some mystery at all. We may not know exactly what happened to him, but also, we do... don't we?

#i rambled a bit here but like... #it's perfect it doesn't NEED an explanation it's all already on page #what we choose to extrapolate can be a fascinating exercise and I personally love doing so #but he is the quintessential survivor he eschews being known or human attachments bc THAT'S HOW YOU GET HURT AND DIE #he has never been treated well he has never had anything #he's only had the scrape for survival #he either lost ppl very early or he's literally never had anyone but regardless #SOMETHING happened to give him some textbook PTSD #and he's literally 40 trauma responses in a trenchcoat #he doesn't act rationally #yeah I rambled more #I just have a lot of feelings about John Silver #put that on my grave lol #john silver #black sails #black sails meta #thoughts

[sqlmn]

Lightning, water, and fire! Like forever before the plot starts. By the time the plot starts, the lightning and fire deities have been subjected to punishment by the two gods that picked them.

Oh (the fire deity) is first to be punished. They basically decide that since they're going to live for a long time, gotta set some long time goals! And they opt to be the wrath of the gods since most of the other deities are too 'soft' in their opinion. So Oh just. Smites humans. This isn't really a /good/ thing and in their defense mentally, they do it to help Ymber since he's the softest of them all. So their punishment by the gods is to be split in two, effectively halving the power of one into two. (Now they are in a male and a female body and use both male and female pronouns apart since they together make they but apart it feels weird to be they. But prior to the split they use they/them. Also the split bodies go by the names Ohiwe and Ohime.)

Fulj is the second to be punished. She falls in love with a mortal woman and that is a crime according to the gods. Mortals and immortals are not to be together and it will only bring suffering to both sides. So her punishment is her memories of the woman are stripped and her body basically broken to the point she can't remain physical all the time.

Ymber, unfortunately, is the one who blames himself for the discoveries and punishments. If he had only tried to restrain Oh more then maybe they would have chilled out and stopped before being punished. If he had only tried to persuade Fulj to not continue seeing the mortal woman so often perhaps she wouldn't have been punished. So he's just increasing the guilt on his shoulders every day that he remains unpunished since the elder gods have both laid down to rest. They can't enforce their laws anymore and none of the deities are keen on harming one another at this point. They just want to continue existing in peace.

#the daily life of a deity sucks #and then ymber falls in love with a human and is like welp this sucks and i understand fulj now #i also would have accepted the punishment for this #and fulj doesnt even remember the woman she was punished for and doesnt remember how she was before #so she is like hey ymber please just go and kiss the weird human i dont even like him but youre being mean by not kissing him #and ymber is just having the worst time of his life being encouraged by someone who used to be so happy #who he also encouraged to be happy once upon a time #also ohiwe and ohime pop up in the water city to bully ymber sometimes but its still in the way of #dude we like you please grow a spine its been a thousand years please grow a backbone and tell us to piss off #and he never tells them to piss off #also fulj has a long braid here but you cant really see it #and she loves to braid ymbers hair and he gets to braid hers when shes giggling and chatting about love #and a short while after the punishment fulj chops the braid off and ymber is like welp my friend is officially gone #and then he cuts his own hair and leaves to go develop his city alone in seclusion #and he sometimes just cuts it really short because hes still sad and soggy and thinks of fulj braiding his hair #and then she shows up one day when hes debating how long its getting and she smiles #and tells him he looks good with longer hair #so he kinda keeps it a messy short then it gets to be medium and he decides he can survive with medium but he couldnt do long again #but once again fulj is the reason for his life choices (and guilt) #also before anyone asks yes all the deities have a collar #its very important actually that they are collared its lore information thanks #and for what it matters - after oh is split both forms are just as tall #theres just two of them at half power but they are both tall

[puppyeared]

adhd comix

#man i dont even have the energy to be mad. im just tired #like. dont u love it when your parents exhibit symptoms of ADHD and your sibling is diagnosed with a learning disability #and instead of thinking oh shit what if the other one has smth too. they subject you to The Horrors #i cant bring myself to hate my parents. but im tired of feeling obligated to defend them when the thing they think is working #isnt actually working and ive just found other ways to cope to avoid any sort of conflict. like lying and stealing. lol #if someone took me aside and said 'hey so your brain doesnt make as much dopamine as usual and its not a bad thing it just means you #need external stimulation and reward system to function and youre not actually secretly fucked up or lazy' as a kid #im pretty sure i wouldnt be here rn with half the problems i already have. unfortunately getting diagnosed late means u dont have a teacher #to back you up at a parent teacher conference that forces your parents to take this shit seriously instead of ignoring it hoping itll #go away on its own. but hey what do i know i have squirrel ipad baby disease. what do i know about my own symptoms #AND. AND i think im allowd to be mad bc ive been doing my own research on this for years before and after diagnosis #theyve been putting me thru the WORST parenting techniques on earth. which they could have corrected at anytime but they were #comfortable thinking they were doing it right and didnt bother to check if they were or werent fucking up their kid in the long run #and refusing to acknowledge it. i just!! they just decided one day hey lets make babies!! and just looked at books on how to make #a human being survive as long as possible!!! what the fuck!!!! #im sorry for putting this on ppls dashes but i am. so tired. of bottling this up. and im not looking for sympathy or anything i just need #to scream and clench my fists to SOMEONE about it because theyre not gonna take this well up the ass. sigh #yapping #vent

[countess-of-edessa]

the world is so fucked up and i can't help but think the damage is irreparable when i see people talking about how unusual and prudish it is to wait six to ten dates before having sex with someone. ten dates??? roughly like twenty five hours of interaction????? ten old timer burgers and mango iced teas from chilis equals sex?????? the possibility of pregnancy, STDs, emotional devastation, lifelong consequences, not to mention just straight up the possibility of getting murdered, with a STRANGER you have hung out with for maybe like two months???? and that's a LONG TIME???? and if you feel weird about that and don't want to do that that makes you NOT HETEROSEXUAL????? THATS AN ORIENTATION???? BECAUSE ITS SO OUTSIDE OF THE NORM OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR ????? i hate all of you i hate you i hate you i hate you every day i hate and I hate and I hate you

#i genuinely genuinely don't understand how everybody who tries to date hasn't killed themselves yet #I'm not saying they should I'm just saying I don't get how they're able to continue on #i see women on social media talking about how they had to cry for a day because they slept with a man they'd been seeing for a while and #then he never called again #no joke not trying to be dramatic I would just kill myself??? i do not understand how people can keep going after something like that #i mean I would never be in that situation because everything about it is bad but like. still #I hate to kind of agree with the 'women over 25 are too bitter for love' twitter man even in a very roundabout way #but i think men AND women participating in modern dating culture have to in some way become so hardened and kill some part of themself #just to survive??? that sounds so melodramatic but like. I can't understand how else people could continue to function as human beings #when they interact with each other in the way modern dating culture dictates

[ioannemos]

the particular bad guy of this episode, a little apprehensively: the audience wants to see me die?

nate, with more sincerity than anything he's said to anyone in her presence before: like you wouldn't believe

#and he's not wrong #leverage #my favorite #tv shows #watching the stork job and the way that parker instantly goes 'we have to bail' after seeing the kids has me Feeling a Certain Way #bc i think it's partially like. i think she knows the feeling of 'the known sucks but at least it's the known' #how many times was she let down? was her hope that things would get better left to die? #i know she goes to save them all later but maybe at the time she was just thinking... 'don't give them false hope' #her insistent use of the phrase 'we can't save them' is just. augh. parker bb no #and eliot saying to sophie 'he's right' re nate's sticking to the plan of saving one vs trying to save all of them on the fly is smarter... #just ouch. reminds me of the fishing job where eliot's goal is 'GET HARDISON OUT' and the very clear reluctance with which he tells hardiso #'yeah. i have an idea what they're gonna do. it's gonna be bad. are people gonna die? probably' #bc he doesn't want that! he doesn't want to leave people in the lurch! but GET HARDISON OUT takes precedent for him #and he's doing the same thing here. GET LUKA OUT is taking precedent. he doesn't like it any more than sophie does #i just. ghenghnehganf. i have a lot of Thoughts and Feelings about eliot's priorities and how they intersect with his job as the hitter #he's the physical guy. he has to be not just realistic he has to be the pessimist bc if he doesn't plan well enough? he friggin dies man #eliot's always thinking of 'what can a human being survive' bc AS THE HITTER that's HIS weakest point #GHENFGHENFGGHGHEWLAFHGGLRHGI #i have normal feelings of normal intensity about eliot spencer #and parker for that matter! very normal #eliot spencer #parker #you pierce my soul #personal #abbie needs a twitter

[uncanny-tranny]

What I think is so important to learning how to truly appreciate life is learning how to appreciate the creatures and things we've categorized as "disgusting" or "gross."

When I learned to appreciate wasps, I realized how much they just... don't really care about anything, and they're not trying to be an asshole because they're uniquely cruel. If they have any wants, it is to live. Why would I punish that when I also want to live?

This isn't to say you need to fall in love with the creepy crawlies that stalk this world or to love what you cannot, but to recognize that in their arrangement of atoms, they are trying to persevere, and in the end... aren't we all?

#positivity #bugs tw #this is why i think science is a love language btw #learning to love and appreciate through study is still love and appreciation #i've always been fine with bugs which might make this ring hollow to somebody with a phobia #and this isn't saying that people who are phobic of bugs are Evil or dumb (quite the opposite- humans are Good at fearing things) #what this is saying is find something you don't appreciate and learn about why you should appreciate it - for whatever reason #i learned to stop being neutral about bugs when i learned how cool they are - how they live! #i stopped being neutral about this planet when i learned how ancient it is! #i stopped being neutral about humans when i learned about how we lived and survived and loved! #i stopped being neutral about these things because i started to love them because i saw just how intricate EVERYTHING is #when you learn to see things through an appreciative lens you sometimes direct that viewpoint inward #so now instead of viewing myself as outside the universe i see myself and every little bug as PART of the universe #i stopped believing that i almost... wasn't worthy of being Part of Nature when i realized just how big everything is in the scale of it al #you should see my google searches omfg #everything is an argument and boy does this world have the ability to argue so well

[furiousgoldfish]

what I thought traumatized me: Violence, Threats, living in a state of constant anxiety and terror, thread of insults and everyone agreeing I’m worthless and deserve to be punished and also asking for it

what also traumatized me but I didn’t know it did: Neglect, emotional abandonment, lack of attachment to any of my caretakers, lack of a safe caretaker to be able to attach to, lack of acceptance, lack of community, lack of positive touch, lack of acknowledgement, encouragement and attention, people around me being treated differently without an obvious reason, social isolation, lack of clarity, withheld knowledge,  inflicted guilt and shame for not knowing, blame for the abuse, being denied my own vulnerability and helplessness, being held responsible for the abuser’s feelings and actions, gaslighting, lack of love, being completely ignored while in great amounts of pain, lack of continuity, lack of clear and easily followed rules, lack of resources, being alone in developing traumatic disorders, lack of protection, being forced to feel unlovable and disgusting from how my environment was treating me, lack of parental love, lack of family, lack of justice, lack of conversation, emotional pulls on my compassion and care, lack of anything I could count on, nobody being on my side, being forced to see myself only thru the abuser’s perspective, not having access to knowledge of human rights or any kind of protection I was entitled to, being exposed to toxic culture of victim-blaming and abuser-defending, emotional manipulation that planted catastrophizing as sabotage in my head, being smear campaigned, society turning their back on me and letting me figure it out all on my own.

#trauma #child abuse #abusive parents #toxic parents #neglect #emotional abuse #psychological abuse #damaged psyche #starved of everything human needs to develop #of course one would develop anxiety and fear of society #but i mostly didn't realize how much neglect has hurt me #nobody looking at me with concern or wondering how was i doing #how i was coping with all that violence #how was i surviving it #if i needed help getting thru #if i needed help being told that i'm not that bad and i don't deserve it #that is what buried me #if i had one ally #it would have been different #but there was nothing and nobody #just me and my dissociative disorder

[imperial-agent]

coop becomes lucy's step father. no, i dont take constructive criticism

#hank taught her the vault life but cooper will teach her how to survive outside #they will go on walks and enjoy his old movies (like she did with hank) #and while she will not mourn hank once he's gone (for what he's done) #she will mourn coop (as i feel like they're playing that feral aspect repeatedly for a reason and it's his endgame) #still. #see my vision please #hate going into the fallout tv show tag and being greeted with lucy x ghoul content like my brothers they are father and daughter #plus i need him to have a daughter figure he never got to watch grow up and this is his best chance #and i dont think we ever had a ghoul human parental relationship as mainline fallout storyline and i think it would be neat #fucked up found family and all #delete later #personal #fallout tv show #fallout spoilers #slightly not really

[ratinthevoid]

how to ask sb out for coffee but just in case make it clear you're not interested in dating but they seem great and you would like to be friends?

#i missed many opportunities in my life when i knew i could be good friend with sb but i was too scared #and i trying to be brave lately i just don't know how to be a human being #like idk if asking sb to go out somewhere is implying it could be a date or is it completely normal? #i don't want to be annoying or hurt sb or make it too awkward at least for them i can survive my own awkwardness #can you tell i didn't have many friends in life?