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satlun · 3 days

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Best Mistake: John Constantine x fem!reader

Genre: emotional hurt, fluff and angst Trigger warnings: suicide attempt, depression, possessive behavior, supernatural, violence, swear words

It is difficult to tell if the relationship between you and him is truly what you want. You fight, break up, and then make up again and again. Even on little things, you both can just bring it up and end up with fighting almost every time. It is more of a loop, you might say. Every time these things happen, it wrecks you on the inside. Until one day, you cannot stand him anymore because he is too toxic and no good. You need to leave him.

Note: this is my first time writing short fiction in English, English is not my first language so if it sounds wrong/ weird or my grammar is wrong please correct me. I really want to improve my English. So don't be shy to correct me. Plus I think it's kinda CRINGE 😭 but I tried guys so please enjoy 😂 ***It might not make sense about hell thing but it is good to just let it be like that soo please don't take it too serious and enjoy! 🥺

Credit: gifs from Pinterest (cannot find the original post :/) https://pin.it/5fjM23VUA , https://pin.it/54AXo4AMa

Los Angeles, 2005

“Could you stop and listen to me first!?” John said with a sigh of irritation as he grabs your arm firmly while you're packing your bag, ready to leave.

You don't seem to stop what you're doing. This is the last time, it must be. You believe that is for the best. “I’m leaving, John. I mean it.” You said with simple directness.

“You're not going anywhere. Not without me.” The fact that he cannot live without you. He had been alone for almost his whole life before he found you. His life was miserable before you came and fulfill him with something that had never been given. It is just hard for him to just let you go like this even he is still mad at you. He pulls you closer to him because you don't seem to stop packing your stuff. Then you lose your balance and stumble into his chest.

“Yes. Without you.” You replied without any hesitation before pushing yourself away from him. For now, you just hope that you are heartless enough to leave him like you just said. You don't want to stuck in the loop again because it hurts your heart.

“And what about me, huh? Is that what you're going to do it again? Leave me for a few days and then come crawling back to me?” That's why you really hope that your heart is strong enough to leave everything behind. Even John.

“Well, not this time. I’m going back to New York.” New York where your parents live. Maybe leaving this big city and go, go far away from here will make you forget him faster. Far from here as much as you can, to the other side of the country.

That makes him even more unimpressive. He doesn't like the way you're about to leave him and go that far. Far enough to never see you again. He looks at you intensely as he pins you abruptly against the wall behind. “Who do you belong to?” That's the pop quiz of him. Every time you both fight, he brings up this question to remind you who you belong to.

You're tired of this question because it won't make anything better. It just keeps making you annoyed. “Stop asking me this question, John. I'm tired of it, it won't make anything better!” You shouted at his face. “Don't you understand that we don't get along? I tried, John. It’s still the same. Never change...” you try to hold back your tears.

“Just answer the damn question, [y/n].” He still insisted on the same question. “I belong to no one!” You snapped him immediately. Not even in a second you took to answer him. He just looks away with difteen face without saying anything. Before he can do anything further, you push him hard making him stumble backwards. You grab your bag and lead to the door without looking back because you just can't. If you look back, you will definitely walk back to him. It was always like that.

He follows you to the door, before you can reach the knob, he already push you against the door again. Push you hard that you can feel the pain on your back, You groaned in pain. “Fuck off, John... what the fuck is wrong with you!? You are acting like a possessed man. Why? Being an exorcist makes you go insane now?” That the worst thing you have ever said to him.

He can't believe what you said. “Is that it, huh?” He raises his eyebrows as he says back to you. “Now you think I'm possessed? That I'm not in my right goddamn head?” He grabs your collar bone firmly against the door. He uses violence again, that's the part you hate the most. His voice changes in a very unpleasant tone. He is real mad. “Maybe I just want to teach you a damn lesson, and you're making it hard for me.” You look at him right into his eyes. You still remain silent. “What? Cat got your tongue now? Talk back to me. Do it!” Remaining silent makes him even more angry. He pushes you hard against the door again but this time it's just too much for you to handle because your head was slammed on the door as well. Your eyes start to flutter slightly. You almost lost your balance as you try to grab his shoulder. He also grabs your waist for you to stand straight. “You belong to me. Understand? And you're gonna stay here with me.” He demanded you. “Fuck you, John... I belong to no one...” because of the pain of your head made you say so quietly as if you just murmur. You can feel that you are about to lose your consciousness. However, his eyes still fixated on you. “Yeah? Is that so? Say it again.” says in sarcastic voice as he grabs your shoulder and pin you to see your face clearly. He is pissing you off even more, you spits on his face because you can't stand him anymore. “Wrong answer.” He said. You are about to pass out now. Your both hands are on his arms, finding something to hold yourself from falling down as you rest your head on the door like a body without a soul. “You're so goddamn infuriating.” Before he can finish the sentence, you pass out beneath him. He grabs you quickly before you fall on the ground and then carefully picks you up to a dinner table then puts you down on the table. He doesn't even move you to bed, he just lets you lay down right there.

An hour later, your consciousness is back. You slowly get up and look around the room, you are looking for him. That's your first instinct. “John?” You called out his name unintentionally. There's no sign of him. You growl in pain again because your head hurts, both of your hand touching your head. While you're trying to remember about what happened before you passed out, John comes back. He opens the door and walks towards you with something in his hand. He puts the cigarette that is on his mouth down on an ashtray next to you. “Open your mouth. Wide.” He said. You're so confused right now because your consciousness is just got back. “What? What is it?” You look at something on his palm. “Tylenol. Open your mouth.” He demanded. You don't hesitate to open your mouth widely because your head hurts so bad. John puts the medicine in your mouth and pour drinking water after. The Tylenol didn't even reach your throat yet, he grabs the back of your neck and kisses you. One of his hand reaches out to your white shirt and unbuttoned it. You are shocked so you decide to push him away, he stumbles backwards. “What is wrong with you?” You said with confusion while John wipes your saliva off his lips. “You passed out and that what you have to ask?” He said. You don't understand what he is trying to tell. “You made me wait like a goddamn dog, and that's what you ask me?” He was just worried about you so much and it made him pissed. He is the type of guy who doesn't know how to say like a normal lover when he is worried. He just use bad words to express it. “Fuck off, John. Sex has nothing to do with this. Don't even think that you can use sex to bring me back because I don't.” Because you both always use sex as the solution to fix the shit that you both made up. You end up having sex with him and all of your madness goes away like nothing ever happened. “I don't want to have sex with you right now, [y/n]. You just put me through an hour of hell, worrying about your stupid ass.” He walks closer to you with your unbuttoned shirt, showing your cleavage. “What? Then why the hell did you kiss me then? It doesn't make sense.” You said back to him because you know damn well that he just wants to use sex to solve things like he always does. “Because I couldn't help it.” He holds his gaze on you. “I couldn't think about anything other than you being okay, and it pissed me off.” He said with a serious tone. He doesn't seem to be angry anymore except worrying about you. He always knows how to make you come back to him, the way he said that is just make you weaker. You decide to stay silent and listen to him. “Damn you, I'm sick of your bullshit. I'm gonna stay with you.” He insisted. “You pissed off that I might not be okay? You're the one who slammed me and made me pass out, John.” You reminded him that because you just don't understand him even you already tried to. He leans forward and puts both of his hands down on the table aside your legs, he faces you. “You can't handle even a slap without passing out. You're the most fragile thing I've ever met.” You don't get about what he says again, what he is trying to say? "You have no idea what I feel when you pass out like that, how worried I get about you. I swear, sometimes you make me feel like I want to tie you to my goddamn bed and make sure you can't get up!" He says murmured yet quite loudly. You bite your lips because of a little confusion. He is crazy. That's the only thing you can think of right now. Tie you up? That's insane. “What the fuck- You're insane.” You talk back. "Because you're reckless and careless, you give no regard to your own safety, and you're going to die because of it." He says aggressively, looking down at you with his eyes. All you do is keep staring at him because that's just too much for you.

John takes a hard exhale, running his hand through his hair. “We always have fights. That's just how we are. But you need to understand that it's different when you're unconscious and I can't even talk to you.” You can feel the worry through his voice. You know that you are everything to him even you both are in this toxic relationship that you both made. It's like a dilemma. Sometimes, you feel like you can't move forwards but you can't move backwards either. “Don't you understand that you're everything to me? And I’ll go to hell again to keep you alive.” And that was what he brought up. He saved your life once from suicide. He went to hell to bring back your life. That day he didn't hesitate to go to hell just for you. Your tears run down your beautiful face as he said that because of the vision of you being in hell is still remaining clear. John watches your expression as sighs deeply, taking another deep breath before continuing. “And you don't care, do you? Look at us, fighting as always, you passing out on me and me waiting and worrying when you won't wake up like a dog?” He looks down on the floor and murmurs. “Why the hell do we do this to ourselves?” He is blaming ourselves that we always end up fighting even after a little argument. It's how we are , just like he said. It doesn't easy to change in you both relationship.

You're staring at him with teary eyes. You can't hold back anymore. “You know... I’m not gonna last long. You bring me back from hell, that broke the rules. Lucifer will find me and drag me down to hell again. You can't protect me forever. One day, I have to die, John...” John scowls and clenches his fists. “If that bastard Lucifer gets his hands on you again, he will regret the day he ever dared to touch you.” He snapped, his voice cold and filled with rage. “I will not let him take you. I will kill every single demon that comes for you, and I will drag you out of hell every time if you end up there. Even if I have to walk to the pits of hell to find you, I will do it." He touches your hand. “I will do it again.” Your cheeks are full of tears. John slowly wipes out gently. That's why you can't get over him. His soft side is your biggest weakness. “Fuck you! I hate you, John... and I hate myself that I always lie to you that I really hate you...” John pulls you and let you lean on his chest. It is warm as if you're sitting in front of a fireplace after a long rainy day. All you can think about is that he risked his life just to have us here, sitting and fighting each other. The fact that if he couldn't come back in time, he could die in hell as well. “Damn it! You shouldn't have saved me... you should let me die... why did you do that? I shouldn't have fallen in love with you...” that's all you can say to express what you're thinking. He isn't impressed with that.

“Don't ever say that. Don't you dare wish for something like that. I saved you just to hear you say that?” He keeps saying, trying to express things that stuck in his mind because you said as if it was so useless that he saved you. All of it just because you don't want to fall in love with him? “You think I'd ever be happy letting you die, watching you die like that? Because I'd rather tear my own heart out than watch you do that. If you didn't make it, I'd go with you. I'd let Lucifer take me just so I could be with you.” The mixed feelings that are in your heart is just too much to say anything else. You end up pull his shirt abruptly and kiss him passionately. For a moment, you break the kiss and say quietly and slowly to make it very clear to him. “Don't you dare telling me that you would let Lucifer take you so you could be with me.” You squeeze his shirt and pull closer again. “I can't stand that.” One of his hands moving to grab your hip and pull your body against his. “Well, you'll have to deal with it" He mutters "Because I would." against your lips before kissing you again. “Fuck you, John.” John lets out a low moan, his hand moving to the back of your neck. “What if I die tomorrow? What if Lucifer finds me?” You asked. “Then I'll go to hell, get you, and put a bullet in Lucifer's head myself before I drag you back to earth.” John moans softly as he gives in to your kisses. “Say it again.” You whispered “I’ll go to hell and put a bullet in Lucifer's head...” John repeated while his hand moving to the back of your head and gripping your hair as he kisses you deeply. His other hand slides down to your thigh, his touch possessive and hungry as he pulls you close to him, his body craving you completely. “Finish the sentence, John.” you demanded. “And I will drag you back to earth...” He whispers against your mouth, taking another bite of your bottom lip. “Fuck-”

END

Note: I recommend you to read this next click here. It's like a sequel. It's not necessary to read both because you can understand the stories without one another. So up to you!!

Note: I just found that False God by Taylor Swift has the lyric that quite relate to the story omg!! Let me show you.

“We were crazy to think. Crazy to think that this could work. Remember how I said I'd die for you?”

“And I can't talk to you when you're like this. Staring out the window like I'm not your favorite town. I'm New York City. I still do it for you, babe.”

“I know heaven's a thing. I go there when you touch me. Honey hell is when I fight with you.”

“But we can patch it up good. Make confessions and we're begging for forgiveness.”

“But we might just get away with it. Religion's in your lips. Even if it's a false god. We'd still worship.”

“Still worship this love. Even if it's a false god. Even if it's a false god. Still worship this love.”

#john constantine #john constantine 2005 #keanu reeves #keanuverse #short fiction #fanfic #Spotify #john constantine x reader #john constantine x you

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utapri-translations-uuuu · 3 days

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The Great Rescue Operation - Translation (救出大作戦)

Please do not repost/retranslate without permission.

I have also made a version which includes the members' notes found in the script.

[Sadness and despair - Red poppy field, evening]

A high-pitched sound like ringing in one’s ears echoes.

***

Dream (Flashback)

The aunt and uncle converse in a dark and somber atmosphere.

Uncle: No matter how much we work and work, life doesn't get any easier… Crops don't grow well on this desolate land.

Aunt: We're doing our best just to make sure we have enough to eat, and if something were to happen, we wouldn’t be able to make ends meet.

There’s a knocking sound in the walls and the house creaks.

Uncle: This house is old and shabby… And above all, it's too small.

Aunt: Well, originally it was just you and me living here. Theo's getting bigger and bigger, too. What should we do…?

Uncle: Was it a mistake to bring him into this house...?

Aunt: What are you saying, honey?!! What if Theo hears?!

Theo groans in his sleep and holds his head in his hands.

Theo: Ugh… Uncle…! Aunt…!

Terry's words from the poppy field echo.

Terry: Let at least Theo… return to Kansas…

***

Theo suddenly springs to his feet.

Theo: … Ah! (panting) Was that a dream…?

Tin Woodman: Are you awake? You were groaning a lot...

He looks around in a panic.

Theo: … No, it wasn’t a dream! Terry is…?

Scarecrow: He’s still in the flower field. I don't think it's life-threatening, but it's dangerous to let him sleep for too long…

Theo grabs the Scarecrow by the shoulders.

Theo: Well, then, we need to hurry up and go help him!! We don’t have time to relax!!

The Tin Woodman steps in between the two and pulls Theo away.

Tin Woodman: However, I cannot agree with blindly going to help. The scent won't work on me or the Scarecrow, but those flowers have thorns that will get in our way.

The Scarecrow shows his clothes.

Scarecrow: As you can see, my clothes got snagged in multiple places, and the straw nearly popped out.

Theo: … Well, what about you, Tin-san?

The Tin Woodman makes a dull grinding sound and shows his wrists by turning them.

Tin Woodman: I'm not feeling well, maybe the pollen from the poppies is getting into the crevices in my body… Inhaling too much of it may have adverse effects.

Scarecrow: Besides, even if the two of us tried our best, we could only help Terry-kun. Lion-kun is too heavy for us to carry.

Theo leans forward and pleads.

Theo: There's no point in granting a wish if it means abandoning your companions! Don't you all think so, too? Are you satisfied as long as your wish comes true?

Scarecrow: … I want a thinking head.

The two were about to give up somewhere in their hearts.

They reflect on their weakness.

Scarecrow: … But I’d hate even more to lose my friends in exchange! I'd end up not being myself anymore.

Tin Woodman: I… don't want to lose anyone I care about ever again either. If I go to get a heart to love people, and then abandon our companions, I would be misplacing my priorities. That would be the same as throwing away our hearts.

Theo: Thank you, guys… Well then, let’s go help them…!

The Scarecrow steps in to stop Theo, wagging his finger.

Scarecrow: Stop! Let us handle this! I don't want you to collapse as well!

[The rescue of Terry and the Lion - Red poppy field, morning]

The Scarecrow and Tin Woodman are building a large cart.

Scarecrow: … I'm not tired, but it's so hard that the straw in my arms is getting all messed up.

The Scarecrow draws attention to his arms by exaggeratedly moving them.

Tin Woodman: Move your hands more than your mouth! You're the one who came up with the idea, weren’t you? To build a big cart to carry the two of them, right?

Scarecrow: Yeah, but~! It doesn't have to be so sturdy, does it? We’re only going to use it one time.

Tin Woodman: Cutting corners or being careless can be fatal! Failure means possibly losing our friends, you know? Lion sacrificed himself to help us. We must repay that.

Raising his fist, the Scarecrow praises Terry.

Scarecrow: Yeah, I guess... And Terry's courage, too! Even though he should’ve been saved, he was the first to suggest he stay behind.

Tin Woodman: I’m sure he must have thought we’d be able to handle the situation.

[Successful rescue - Quadling, Glinda’s palace]

Glinda watches over the five with his magic.

Glinda: The cart strategy, a joint effort between the Scarecrow and the Tin Woodman, was a great success.

He clasps his hands together, looking pleased, but also worried.

Glinda: They carried a much heavier weight than they normally would be able to with ease. However, Terry and the Lion had inhaled so much of the scent that they didn’t wake up easily.

The scene of Terry and the Lion is projected into the air.

Glinda: Theo is by their side, taking care of them and watching over them. What a dreadful scent it really is. You never know where danger lurks.

He speaks quietly, with a warning gesture.

Glinda: They must have learned that danger and temptation are closer than they think and that they appear to be safe and beautiful… Perhaps it is only when you lose it that you realize how precious it is to be at peace and learn not to take it for granted.

The magic wand resonates.

Glinda: Oh... It seems like the two of them have woken up.

[The rescue of Terry and the Lion - Grassland, morning]

Terry gets up, rubbing his eyes.

Terry: Ugh... hmm...? Where am I… I… was saved.

Theo hugs Terry tightly, crying tears of joy.

Theo: I'm so glad…! I'm so, so glad...!!! I thought you'd never wake up...

Terry: Jeez, you’re exaggerating… Don't make it sound like I died.

The Lion, who had woken up first, apologizes, full of remorse.

Lion: I held you back and put you in harm’s way. How can I apologize for that…? If something terrible had happened, I think… I…

Terry firmly pats the Lion on the back.

Terry: There you go again with the cowardice~! Who was it that noticed the danger first and sacrificed himself so the others could escape?

The Scarecrow also pats the Lion’s back.

Scarecrow: Oh, you were so cool, Lion-kun! It was an act of bravery!

Lion: … I was just trying to do what I could to help.

The Tin Woodman gently approaches Terry.

Tin Woodman: Besides that, Terry-san also... taught us the importance of companionship.

Terry puffs out his chest.

Terry: Things might get even more dangerous from now on. If we can't reach the Emerald City, we can't go back to Kansas, so we need companions on this journey! Companions who share this same strong desire! It's like a puzzle that can't be completed without any of us.

Theo: …

The three speak in unison.

Scarecrow: Let's go! To the Emerald City!

Tin Woodman: Let's go! To the Emerald City!

Lion: Let's go! To the Emerald City!

⬤ Insert song “Emerarudo shiti e no michi” Scarecrow & Tin Woodman & Lion

#uta no prince sama #utapri #translation #english #he★vens #heavens #drama cd #eiichi otori #kira sumeragi #nagi mikado #eiji otori #van kiryuin #yamato hyuga #shion amakusa #dreaming of oz

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kindahoping4forever · 8 months

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Luke @ The 5SOS Show Tour Manchester

#love Ash's arms & chest in the bg looking MASSIVE as a reminder of what lane i belong to as i lose it over Luke in this shirt 😭🤡🥸#5sos #5 seconds of summer #luke hemmings #ashton irwin #luke #the 5sos show tour manchester #the 5sos show tour #kh4f post #i am being so normal #like #it's just a guytaking off a very nice lilac suit jacket #to reveal a tight tshirt pulling across his very broad frame #NOTHING SPECIAL RIGHT 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#seriously someone needs to help me stop this #i cannot do this anymore #this has gone on for far too long #THE VESTS MADE SENSE THE TIE THING WAS QUESTIONABLE BUT OK FINE WHAT IS THIS T SHIRT THING I AM HAVING #CRYSTAL STOP BEING FERAL FOR LUKE CHALLENGE 😭😭😭😭

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zeb-z · 8 months

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I’ve made a billion fucking drafts and can’t find the words to talk about cellbit and bagi from today. how the fuck do you explain the intricacies between a brother who has lived a life that has sharpened him to cut what he touches, and a sister who had to live with his absence? a man who has to see the childhood he never got to have whenever he looks at the woman he now knows is his twin? said twin who cannot understand why her brother would be anything but glad they are reunited? how do you get across that tangled mess of emotions cellbit had to get him to burn his old pet worm? the paradox of longing for what could have been while desperate to get rid of any reminder, with a healthy dose of paranoia that anything could be a federation bug. or the pure devotion bagi has to decide to stick with her brother even though he is not close to the same as he was when he went missing? the unfairness of it all, of cellbit being taken and made into a killer before he turned 14, of bagi looking for him at the detriment of her own safety and self, of ripped up childhoods and everything that could have been? the fact that the first thing cellbit asks is what he could have done to deserve it? the disgust he holds for himself for what he’s done, and the anger he has for the federation that’s taken everything from him, and the resentment he has towards bagi no matter how unfair it is because she never had to go through what he did? how after bagi swore to help him burn the federation down, cellbit went to bad instead, because bad was there and fought alongside him, and he trusts bad because he’s seen him at his worst, and all he feels like doing is his worst right now? the two of them so similar still because they’re consumed by their need for revenge, while bagi just wants to leave the island? how the fuck can you summarize all this and the emotions that accompany it?

#adding this here a lil too late but bagi’s own resentment because she’s been looking for years and he’s been doing nothing even though he #doesn’t remember #like great! you put more childhood trauma and the feeling you get coming home to a place that isn’t home anymore in my minecraft rp :/#like. fuck what do we do with all this???#there’s such a specific visceral anguish around ruined childhood and knowing that things will never be like the good old days again yknow?#especially when said childhood ruiner is ‘I was taken from my home and made to fight in a literal war’ like wtaf #or when it’s losing a sibling and missing them like a lost fucking organ #sorry if this is too train of conciousness I’m tired and word vomiting and emotional at all this pfkdjfjs #idk I have thoughts I cannot verbalize about this. tv static in my chest #all this lead up to tomorrow where Cellbit will finally meet hatsune miku #mcyt #qsmp #cellbit #q!cellbit #bagi #q!bagi #q!bbh #z speaks

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astrobei · 1 month

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every time i watch another episode of hannibal i think they’ve hit their peak of homoerotic insanity and then i watch the next episode and i think they’ve hit their peak of homoerotic insanity and then i watch the next episode and

#I AM ACTUALLY ROLLING AROUND ON TBE FLOORERRREE JM GOING CRAZY I RHINK #LIKE HOW IS THIS A REAL SHOW IM GOING TO LOSE IT #hannibal talking about patrocles and achilles in reference to him and will in #my last straw fr i need to absorb the entire ao3 tag into my bloodstream right now #i fear they want to fuck each other so bad they are looking downright idiotic with it #like actually so fucking dumb stupid pathetic and incompetent with lust i cannot do this anymore #/astro posts #hannibal

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rosaacicularis · 11 months

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au where scar is the royal guard assigned to keep prince grian safe as he travels to a neighbouring kingdom for a peace treaty but they get ambushed and have to survive in nature until they can get to civilization <3

#and scar teaches grian how to sword fight to protect himself and maybe he lets grian win a couple times because grian is so beautiful when #he’s happy and scar teaches him how to shoot an arrow so they can hunt for food and grian literally cannot focus because scars arms are #wrapped around him and he’s whispering in grian’s ear and grian reboots when after he lets go of the arrow.. scar drops his hands to grian’#waist…. and grian teaches scar which plants are poisonous vs safe to eat and he loses his train of thought a million times because scar #keeps just looking at his lips and grian just can’t stand it anymore when scar licks his lips… so he interrupts himself and places a kiss #on the corner of scars mouth and scar just kinda pauses and grian thinks maybe he read the situation wrong until scar cups grains face and #brings him back in and it’s so perfect and everything they’ve ever wanted and and and #sorry i’m thinking about them #okay i’ll shut up now <3 #actually no i won’t because this is my post. they have to dress each others wounds and they do it far more gently than they need to <3 #scarian #desert duo #hermitshipping #grian #gtws #hermitcraft #trafficshipping #au concept #royalty au

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shirkers2018dirsanditan · 24 days

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my luck is so bad it is legitimately just cruel. every day literally feels like i am being punished for every little decision i make. it’s almost hard to believe and yet somehow i’m too dumb to anticipate this…?

#i have previously been burned by usps coming an hour early and not picking up my packages #i woke up at 4:45 am this morning and got out the bed fr by 9. i knew i should have had my packages out as early as possible.#i want to get paid for the items im selling as soon as possible. i want to get a refund for my returns.#and i want these people to get their stuff #yesterday usps returned a package i had sent out to me so its already delayed #i was in the middle of packaging everything up when i noticed a package was delivered #i meant to check my email to see if they sent me that bullshit fucking email claiming to have picked up my packages when they didnt #but got distracted #so naturally. my dad leaves (the only person i could ask to drop packages off at the post office) and only then do i see that dumbass email #delivered an hour ago #i am so serious……..i cannot do this anymore #it is like this every single day #like okay. if the rest of my life is terrible. if i’m losing my mind from social isolation. if my parents quite honestly hate me.#if i have no future and no hope.#if the only interaction i can rely on is friendly coworkers and patrons at the library.#if i have to spend my days off with basically only myself and my dog to talk to.#can the little fucking things go my way? like…half of them? is that possible?#i’m not even asking to have a happy life i’m not asking to be loved i’m not asking to belong i’m not asking for a point to living #man i just want the tiniest of breaks. just. two days out the week? yeah? can i get my fucking packages sent out on time? l #can i get to work on time? with no stress? can i not look forward to eating a salad all day only for my dad to have eaten it?#can i have a normal menstrual cycle? can i stop having back pain? can i be a little comfortable? can i time my birth control correctly?#this is just so exhausting. how am i supposed to do this for years and years and years #my grandma is fucking 91 #my great grandma died at like 93 #i can’t even do another year of this man #i’m dreading my 25 birthday this september #i don’t know how i’m gonna make it to 30 #let alone anything after that #my parents are in their 60s………it’s a nightmare to have to think about living that long

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misscrazyfangirl321 · 1 year

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When Person A has lost their memory, and everyone is trying to help them remember, but Person B just calmly reintroduces themselves and tries to help A move forward, whether A ever remembers or not.

#especially in scifi contexts where it's like #'your memories have quite literally been stolen from your head. they aren't there anymore #everyone else is begging you to somehow remember them anyway but i know you cannot #but you mean too much to me #so i will walk this road with you #even if you're starting at the beginning #even if we never look like we did before #it will be better than losing you forever'#imagine your otp #otp prompts #writing prompts #fandom life #i speak

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death-defyy · 1 year

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yum

#Trigun #jerma985 #vash the stampede #My Drawings #digital art #i cannot do this anymore its so funny #every time i look at his bewildered eyes i just lose it #vash and his comically large donut

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sevicia · 4 months

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I honestly think I'm way too sensitive for the way the world is rn like just generally speaking ykwim. but I don't wanna change that. I spent my entire childhood unable to feel much of anything at all and accumulating piles upon piles of resentment and fear that I still can't express because it scares me. I've mentioned this a bit jokingly but it really does feel like I gained consciousness not too long ago and am just starting to feel like a person. It's been taking me a much longer time than most people my age but I try to not be too angry at myself for that because it just doesn't feel like something I would've been able to force anyways. Basically I may be stupid (💯) but I'm gonna be earnest & sincere about it.

#diary #it also IS scary to show how much you care about certain things that may not be as much of a big deal to others #because you get called stupid #I'm just constantly trying to believe that it's not a bad thing to care #always think of when I told my sister I was sad you could barely see any stars anymore #and she told me ''that's so stupid just go to the fields or to the north if you wanna see the stars so bad''#it's just not the point. I don't get how anyone can look around and not feel anger and sadness and shame at what the world is like rn #I don't want to be a pessimist I don't wanna feel defeat I don't want to lose the things we still have #I don't want anyone to feel despair. saying everything'#everything's doomed as a joke or a way of venting is something I understand but you CANNOT truly believe and absorb that #love & hope are the only things capable of keeping anyone going. in my humble opinion #sorry I keep saying whatever. you understand.

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northern-passage · 2 years

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#LOL...#i think im going to update with a few incomplete paths at this point #before i truly lose my mind #i really need to just. write something else lmfao #it is SO demoralizing writing variations like it's so hard to be motivated when im writing almost the same exact thing #over and over and over again #i really do prefer writing linearly but at this point i simply cannot do it anymore #so. idk look forward to an update relatively soon ig lmfao #i have a few more passages i do want to finish and some reconvening scenes as well as editing #and then uhhh. yeah #personal

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taminoarticles · 2 years

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— Tamino for Behind The Blinds, Issue 13 / Fall/Winter 2022 (x)

Tamino: The In-Between State

Antwerp, July 2022

Interview by MARTIN ONUFROWICZ Photography by ZEB DAEMEN Fashion by JONATHAN HUGUET

For Tamino, the title of his new album, Sahar, reflects his mindset while working on the record. “The literal meaning of the word is “just before dawn” and I think that perfectly captures the feeling of being in this in-between realm that I felt at the time,” explains the Belgian-Egyptian singer. Having catapulted him to fame in Belgium just after turning 20, Tamino’s debut album Amir also earned him fans from all over the globe, leading to non-stop touring for years. With instant popularity — and responsibility — at a young age, Tamino oscillates between adolescence and adulthood; this very in-between state being at the core of his latest record.

With Sahar, the musician continues to express the melancholy and vulnerability that became a signature of his artistic language. The key tool in creating the record was the Arabic lute known as the oud — an instrument that takes center stage in a ballad titled A Drop of Blood. “With this song, I wanted to accompany myself with the oud as the main instrument, just like my grandfather and father did in the past,” says Tamino. “It was very important for me to have at least one song like this on the album to honor the traditions of Egyptian and Arabic music.”

MARTIN ONUFROWICZ: Why did you decide to name your new album Sahar? What is the meaning that this title holds to you? TAMINO: The literal meaning of the word Sahar is ‘just before dawn’ and I think that perfectly captures the feeling of being in this in-between realm that I felt at the time of creating the album, and still feel a bit right now.

MO: Where is this feeling of being in an in-between state coming from? TAM: It has a lot to do with what my life has looked like in the last couple of years. I went from moving to Amsterdam to study, where I felt so out of place, to moving back to Belgium and my music career taking off, and starting to tour almost immediately for years. It felt a bit like tunnel vision — my life started to just revolve around one thing. I’m still very young, and feel like a child on so many levels, but I'm working very much like an adult.

MO: The album was written during the solitary times of the pandemic. How has that period affected you? TAM: I was always planning on having a break because my team saw that I was feeling a bit burned out. So when it came a bit earlier than expected, I was quite happy about it. That said, I always imagined that when I will have my rest, I will be able to integrate into the world again as a regular person who's not traveling all the time, but then that wasn't the case either because everyone was at home, and life as we knew it was on hold. I think that period has definitely contributed to that feeling of in-betweenness as well, and was also a very transformative and important time for me personally.

MO: You're starting touring again later this year. Having this perspective now, how are you going to try to avoid the burnout you had a couple of years ago? TAM: That was the one thing I kept saying to myself during the break, “I’m going to learn from this and take this zen feeling that I found into the busy life that awaits me again." Of course, I’m not sure how well I will do, but it definitely already affected how I approach work. For example, I’m now in New York for a couple of weeks and not just packing all the promotion stuff into one week because I thought, "I don't really have that much to do in July, so let me spend some time here and see what it’s like." I wanted to be here long enough to be able to ground myself, get to know some new people, have fun and be inspired.

MO: That sounds like a really good idea! What are your favorite places in the city so far? TAM: I’m staying in Williamsburg, which I really like. I also really enjoy the Lower East Side. I went to Central Park yesterday, which is always amazing. But I have yet to discover a bar or a restaurant that I really love — I’ll know when it will happen because I’m a creature of habit, so when I find it, I will want to return there every day. [Laughs.]

MO: Which of the songs on the album was the easiest to write and which one was the most challenging? TAM: The one that I wrote really fast was The Longing, the first song on the album. I first came up with the guitar-picking sound that I recorded on my phone and the next day while being in bed, I listened back to the recording and started humming the melody. Then, all of the verses came in one go! I was stunned because that rarely happens, so that was a very cool moment. A Drop of Blood was probably the song that was the biggest challenge for me because it was the one that I knew I wanted to write — all the other ones were improvised while I was trying out sounds with the guitar. With this song, I knew that I wanted to accompany myself with the oud as the main instrument, just like my grandfather and father did in the past. It was very important for me to have at least one song like this on the album [to honor] the traditions of Egyptian and [more broadly] Arabic music.

MO: Looking back, do you remember having a clear moment when you realized that music was something that you wanted to pursue as a career? TAM: Music was always something I did, but I never really thought about making a career out of it — I remember that while I was growing up, I never really worried about how l am going to make money later and I'm very thankful for that to my mom. We didn’t have a lot growing up — she was a single mom with three kids — but she never put pressure on us to earn a lot or anything like that. I do remember clearly writing my first song when I was fourteen and the feeling of ecstasy that I got from it — for me, it was one of the best feelings in the world and something I've been chasing ever since!

MO: What's a music album that changed your life? TAM: There’s been so many, but one that comes to mind immediately is one by Radiohead that I got when I was also around fourteen. I don’t think it was even a specific album, but rather The Best of Radiohead — I just remember being so inspired by their music when I first heard it. Now, my favorite record of theirs is In Rainbows.

MO: That's so cool! It must be a totally dream-come-true situation then for you to now be able to work with Colin Greenwood [one of Radiohead's band members] — I saw that you collaborated with him for Sahar. TAM: Yeah, it's amazing! It sometimes still feels so surreal when I think about it, but now, Colin has really become a friend to me — we have played a lot of concerts together and he did seven songs with me on the new record. He's a lovely person and it’s a dream to work with a musician of his caliber.

MO: How did you guys first meet? TAM: We had mutual friends in Antwerp — they took him to one of my shows and that’s how it started.

MO: Let’s end with a throwback question: who was the first musician you saw playing live and what impact did that make on you? TAM: It was Lenny Kravitz at Sportpaleis in Antwerp. Also, his song I’ll Be Waiting was the first song I deliberately learned by heart — I performed it at a school concert. I love Lenny, he's such a good performer!

#tamino #tamino amir #behind the blinds #article #interview #english #2022 #with photoshoot #original text #Huge thanks to taminodaily on twt and an anonymous source for sharing these photos!! :D #i can be at peace now #edit: HUGEE THANK YOU to zita @maneskinglows on twt for sending in these updated photos!!! theyre a bit clearer than the prev ones :))#also i was going to edit out the glare for all the photos but im sorry i cannot bear it anymore i had to edit out their thumb #and if i have to do any more cutting and pasting and warping and shifting and colour matching i'm going to lose my Mind #as it is i used the smudge tool to edit out the glare just dont look too closely thank you 🫶#maybe one day i'll come back to this and be more professional about it but umm until then

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