#i dont even; enjoy things anymore

[dockaspbrak]

😔

#sorry to continue on like this #but i miss my cat so much #over six months gone now and idk it hurts so much #i am heartbroken 8^/ #i miss him so much he was my best friend #little furry boy #i am soooo sad like. idk #i dont even; enjoy things anymore #for the last week ive been staying up pretending i can hear him in the apartment still doing his little things #and like for a second i almost feel like he might walk in the room #8^( #idk what to do but i dont want to do anything #i feel kinda. angry and lonely and so so so sad #its like. nothing can be done and i tried to bond with new cats u know? but i just saw how they werent him #i feel like i should go hiking in the alps to find myself or smth

[robotpussy]

#polls #personally i dont like it but thats only because i dont like fandom. the type of stuff that gets the most attention #in fandom usually just annoys me idk. how to explain it in a way that wont come off as me saying #fanfic or whatever is evil its just the fact that it just bombards alot of the conversations? #i prefer it when the thing i like has 10 fans and theyre all on one message board or forum #like for example mtvs downtown is getting popular but apart from annoying #'me and the mid nerd guy i copped by being weird and sexy' posts its not awful.... #but then smth like... clone high or smth i suddenly cant remember ppl just got so annoying abt that show?? #like i cant stand it i dont even bother watching it anymore plus its just weird to me now like i can't watch it regardless #im just rambling but personally i do not like it. like i dont want what i like to get a revival #i dont want anything new! i just want to enjoy the thing and move on 😭 #fandom seems to prioritize shipping and memes over evaluating or simply just enjoying something! #this goes for anything. music film tv books....

[hazellekat]

ppl are scared the mcu is gonna pair she hulk with daredevil like its the worst thing ever, and my bi emotional ass is just here like "yes i think matt murdock deserves to be carried bridal style by a big green lady" and "matt wouldn't care whether jen is hulked out or not"

#like you cant tell me matt murdock wouldnt be the most attentive when jen vents #and jen would know how to show matt a level of softness he doesnt usually accept #i think it has potential #whether or not it happens in the show #i think their dynamic would be very fun #she hulk #she-hulk #she hulk attorney at law #she-hulk attorney at law #jennifer walters #matt murdock #daredevil #she hulk spoilers #marvel #mcu #yall dont know how to enjoy things anymore i swear #u dont gotta like them as a pair but to complain before anything has even happened yet is so tiring #ill be over here shipping the red and green like its christmas by myself

[marvey-sideblog]

Law firm Specter Ross represent gay club in Seattle

#took my tags on the original image and ran with them 🙃 #don't know the gay club scene in seattle at all ofc lmao so dont know if this one is fully fitting or not but! its logo was pink and square #so I went with it...they do drag nights. #and listen. listen #harvey and mike are out here fucking thriving! #harvey is a thriving bisexual...always has been but! now he's out here...has a firm with mike...is in a relationship with mike... #(per my headcanons 🙃) #gets to represent businesses like this (now maybe?). and just. enjoy himself. so fully #he's just happy! he had it all in new york except he /didn't/ #and now he really kinda does #(they also probably just. go there. as well as representing them. idk which came first) #marvey #harvey specter #mike ross #suits #suits tv #suits usa #specter ross #harvey x mike #mike x harvey #also pre-emptively if this inspires anything for anyone (lol). run with it. be my guest #I don't even know if imma actually fold it into my main idea but. it's a fun offshoot anyway. maybe #// do people even still make manips anymore lol. this felt like such an older fandom kind of thing to do 😂

[foxstens]

i genuinely wonder how kevin feels about exy

#my posts #aftg #all for the game #kevin day #the foxhole court #like we know neil feels free on the court and enjoys playing #and we know jean used to love it but understandably doesnt anymore #does kevin? hopefully #i dont think he could have ever had a normal relationship with the sport #but does he still cling onto it bc its /his mothers/ sport #or because it's the only thing he knows or because he actually likes it #maybe all three #the saddest possibility is that he doesnt or /cant/ even enjoy it at this point #once again i am asking for a kevin book

[cloudcountry]

i'm noticing that when people request things and i write it for them, sometimes the people i write for dont reblog or give me any feedback. ^^ its starting to get a bit irritating when i take the time to write something and i just get a like from the person. the twst fandom has been talking about this since forever but literally the least you can do is reblog. seriously.

#im thinking about not taking requests ever anymore honestly #like i have ideas floating around in my brain #why should i write something for someone else when they dont even appreciate it #i wanted to finish the 1.8k event but i dont even think i'll be able to do that #its a shame the twst community turned out this way #and even just writing in general gahhh #like i love writing but its becoming such a chore #anyways my mutuals can request stuff but im getting fed up #its also been hurting my feelings a bit. #i actually had this happen DURING the 1.8k event too #i wrote stuff for moots and couldnt wait to see their reactions and then they just liked #it felt like a slap in the face #idk man i just want to enjoy things again that would be nice #ikepri and ikevamp fandom here i come i hope ygys are more receptive!! #🐙! auburn's rambles <3

[varietysky]

girl help, there are people who still think taika waititi has anything to do with the wwdits tv series beyond season 2

#even beyond season 1 is a stretch if we're being real #i enjoy his work but it's such a pet peeve when ppl give him credit for the later seasons #i dont think even jemaine is working on the show anymore #he left after season 3 or i think #wwdits #mia posts a thing

[sitzfleischh]

Final Ghosts thoughts cause I really need to sleep but am still thinking about it--

Choice to end with Alison and Mike taking the hotel deal at the Ghosts' suggestion, and having them return regularly like visiting family: GREAT ❤️

Execution of this plotline in the episode/series itself: not so great.

The immensely rewatchable 5 series as a whole: SO great, very happy to continue loving this show for a long long time.

#bbc ghosts #bbc ghosts spoilers #also to everyone else also in their feelings about this: #reminding myself it's ok to need to work on emotionally regulating when something i like a lot doesnt live up to my hopes for it! #when i was a younger fan I often felt (and still sometimes have to work against the impulse to do this) i needed to #defend the perfection of something i loved #or pretend that i wasn't didappointed by something when I was #it can be really hard to teach yourself to be ok with and learn to process negative feelings #because it's like the big happy loving feelings are so good!!! but sometimes that means negativity can feel similarly huge #so any criticism of something you like-- even if it's your own criticism-- feels like an attack you have to protect against #so that you dont tip hard in the opposite direction and suddenly find you cant enjoy the thing anymore #but learning to find the middle ground is a practice just like anything else #and you can keep loving something even if there are parts of it that didnt work for you #or were imperfect etc #anyway now i really have to go to sleep

[halfusek]

Irt you post about the archives- Have you read any of the novels? I feel like some of them, like Joey's autobiography, help give a bit more insight to these characters, at least a little.

As for Nathan, I think it's supposed to represent that, unlike Joey, he really was a self made man with good intentions, and that highlights that Wilson was trying to live up to the shadow of his father and instead of being the kind of man his father would have raised, Wilson chose to be as vile as he is.

Memory Joey on the other hand, really is just a representation of this flawed idea people had of the man, only the good parts of Joey that he chose to show. The idealized version of himself that he saw, rather than who he really is. It makes sense to have that contrast there, but he really is just a plot device rather than his own character and it's a shame.

I can't say much for the others, because they feel very lacking. They have a lot of good moments, like the "I'm beautiful." "Always were." scene for example, but outside these moments they feel somewhat empty.

It's unfortunate, because if they had the time, team, and resources, they could have had an incredible story to tell, but limitations with money and staff because of the irl studios layoffs and TheMeatly & Mike Mood making really, really bad choices with their business caused the game to fall short of what it could have been.

we must have read different books because it felt to me like batdr completely ignores book lore

honestly i just feel like the books have been made irrelevant and theyre just kind of telling us stories about these random characters? like adrienne is doing her best to describe these characters but im not gonna lie, as there was some potential to them batdr has been a huge turn off for me for reading anymore (plus that upcoming book is gonna have a yet another completely new character as the main protagonist and im just... bruh how about yall expand upon the characters you already have because this universe is just becoming very messy and full of shallow characters instead of having fewer but interesting ones?? im not against new characters being introduced but they just keep on adding then and then it feels like what we're reading doesn't even matter in the grand scheme of things, that sucks)

sure we get an insight to joey... the only character that actually HAS a lot of complexity and screentime in the games so like yea i like joey and i enjoyed his book but again it felt more like an extra rather than anything that helped expanding the story or the world, i dont really understand their strategy for these...

nathan's and wilson's relation is just uninteresting and shallows wilson's character in my opinion, like what he says to you in game makes out nathan to have been some sort of a horrible father and that'd be kinda interesting and would make wilson a morally grey character

but no he's just a spoiled brat or whatever his archetype is supposed to be and we can throw away the entire symbolism about nathan and bockswell lotsabucks (that cartoon cat from the comics) and the fact that there is supposed to be nathan arch junior and senior making it clear that they changed their minds about the plot just to surprise people (even worse, they ADMIT to doing that in the interview that recently came out... as if it was a good thing ToT) but by doing so they just contradicted clues that existed there before that we could have gotten away from the damn books! like this just makes me not wanna buy any other books anymore because its a clear message that it doesnt fucking matter if we read them, theyre just there to tell us stories about random characters that also wont even appear in the games anyways but we will get 200 more audiologs from other randos we wont care for

again i gotta be sorry for being so negative but im just SO disappointed with batdr and with what the archives had to say

like whatever they are telling their story, its not a sin to be bad and scummy at writing (scummy as in not understanding that youre baiting people into buying extra things for understanding the lore and then making sure you surprise people anyway)

so basically

there is no use for theorising because the message is that they just want to surprise us so if we guess where theyre going they will just change the story no matter how much its gonna suck and contradict what happened before

i cannot comprehend how meatly sees that as a good thing but i guess thats how he wants to tell his stories and whatever makes them happy man

but i find it incredibly shady when you advertise your game as a mystery to be solved and personally this kills my enjoyment of the franchise

#im not saying im gonna leave the fandom but you wont see me theorizing anymore #its headcanons now only baby #and im probably not gonna get any new books #as much as i have a lot of respect for adrienne kress and enjoy her writing #i still didnt even touch the lost ones book tho i have bought it when it came out #and at this point idk if i will #im currently undergoing an awful state when im still kinda fixating on bendy but i dont have anything to power my fixation #in an enjoyable way #and it sucks!!! #ive been trying to get into other things and ive been enjoying different stories but it isnt the same man #bendy hit those very specific things i like about stories but then it started to hit the things i hate #and that is even not to mention all the controversies #its just a real shame #halfask #halfpost #bendy and the ink machine #bendy and the dark revival

[strawberrycircuits]

do you ever think about how even though chell is the only living being in aperature, the robotic facility is somehow more alive than her. all chell has done is the rigorous testing originally designed by the scientists for robots they deemed unfeeling and unthinking, but now that they are gone we can see turrets that were built for destruction composing beautiful symphonies based on a love they were never thought to originally have, p-body and atlas have moments of interaction that show how much they can care about each other in their limited capacity for communication, and even glados slowly comes around on caring about chell. free from those who would do them harm, aperture has outgrown its original limitations and become something greater than it was ever designed to be

I THINK ABOUT IT ALL THE FUCKING TIME ARE YOU KIDDING ME. the idea of chell as a contrast to apertures humanity is SO INTERESTING TO ME because the facility is just positively teeming with life and humanity-- glados and wheatley joke, they have emotions like relief and happiness, anger, jealousy, insecurity-- they lash out when angry and cower and beg for mercy when terrified and, when really and truly confronted with what theyve done, they feel remorse. the turrets beg for their lives and forgive and the personality cores display charisma and arrogance and enthusiasm and for the 400 billionth time everything SINGS to you and chell exemplifies little to none of that. when shes hurt or terrified or remorseful she doesnt show it, she just trucks right on because she has a single goal in mind and by god is she going to execute it. and the idea of the human character being the cold, calculating, goal oriented one who doesnt show fear doesnt show remorse while all the robots are the ones loving and losing and realizing their own personhood makes me so jdflsjksjdfgdfgdkjfgksjdfioesruto435609568039485234i3t][er[;]23[4p][234;r23[4]5p45;6][7456. like. while the facility forces the devices to grow beyond their capabilities and intended functions it forces chell to grow beyond her humanity into this fearless, tenacious specimen that knows what it wants and isnt going to let mortality stop her. i think im goign to throw up

#aperture outgrowing its limitations also makes me nuts because those limitations are very much still there #glados has full control over the facility and yet has to answer to it when it claims shes too corrupted to continue functioning #wheatley is in constant fear of repercussion when theres no one around anymore to even doll out those consequences #personality cores long for things that their structure will never allow them to accomplish (aside from. space core i guess. lmao) #(ALTHOUGH SPACE CORE HAS A LOT OF LINES WHERE HE SUGGESTS HES GETTING BORED OF WHAT HE WAS MADE #TO DO. WHICH WAS ENJOY SPACE. SO ONCE AGAIN THERES ANOTHER INSTANCE OF APERTURE DEVICES #GROWING BEYOND THEIR INTENDED CAPABILITIES) #like! they are the facility and yet they are still trapped by it nonetheless. the scientists might be dead but theyre still #a looming presense because they were always supposed to be a looming presense in the minds of the machines they created. fuck. #also i dont think chell is literally inemotional i think shes actually a strangely forgiving person considering. everything #otherwise why save glados from the bird why reach out for wheatley in the end. yk #im normal. about this 16 year old game series.

[grey-has-rusted]

what they don't tell you about life is that it's hard. woe is me

#ramblings #yes. i logged onto tumblr just to complain. #i have not been having a good time irl </3 #guys am i cooked? i wake up everyday with a heavy sorrow in my heart. #i am sad all the time even though i enjoy the wonders of life. #i laugh and smile and talk and learn. but im still sad. #it also doesn't help that i have psychotic tendencies and episodes #'go for a walk. that's a healthy coping mechanism' bro i can't even go outside bc i will get lost and walk for hours and almost- #unintentionally kill myself #it sucks. it all sucks and i say things that don't make sense either. apparently. allegedly. #i just want a functional brain. i would be so unstoppable if it weren't from my brain maybe i could actually function like a normal person #and hold down a job and be consistent with my hobbies and passions and actually maintain friendships #ong ive been so lonely too #i haven't bothered making friends anymore bc i know i won't be consistent and i dont wanna waste anyone's time #that's just really unfair #and i rely so heavily on videogames and fiction to get me through the day #bc it makes me feel less lonely. yeah i know i sound lame 💀 #anyways- see y'all in another year when i remember tumblr exists

[tiredstressedemotionalmess]

i havent had a assignment in school in almost a month. my last day of classes is this coming wednesday. i do not have to take any finals and i have straight A's. bearing all this in mind, tell me why THREE SEPARATE TEACHERS have decided to give us projects with LESS THAN A WEEK LEFT

#these are all teachers whose classes are notoriously easy too😭 #and like okay heres the thing. logistically i understand why two of them are doing it. ones an art class that he just wants a final #portfolio/reflection for. the other's a business class where the entire content of the class was leading up to a final group presentation #i just. idk. i feel like we had time to start that stuff Not a week before classes end. and for latin i feel like randomly deciding to give #us a 3 part test to wrap up the unit is kinda strange??? especially for this teacher????? #and look they are all easy fucking assignments. i could bang each of them out in like an hour tops. but my brain has just been off school #mode for like a MONTH at this point so even these easy as hell assignments are pissing me off!! #like it just feels tedious. i dont want to be doing this shit because i havent dont work in a month #mentally ive already graduated and you not just LET ME LEAVE😭idk #idk idk its just sooooo hard for me to focus or care about this shit anymore. im done ive checked out #i just want to be done so i can enjoy this summer before i have to become a Real Adult Person

[blyszczopies]

using one of the goofiest photos of pusia as a reference image

#rn i believe i will get my diploma done on time. after talking to one of my supervisors its seems i can go a fairly easier route #so im not as scared of it. still scared but not as much. i will be fine. smiles. thumbs up even #so im allowing myself for 15 minutes daily to spend on drawing things for myself. today i dedicated it to a silly 3000 meme #not telling how its related to them. no spoilers today #enjoy goofy ass bnuuy #also idk i dont feel super attached to my bunny fursona anymore. probably because i dont feel like it represents my gender well #i mean i made her back when i thought im cis. idk #thank u tumblr for letting me ramble about stuff in the tags #my art #bunny #notes app

[daydadahlias]

public service announcement to my wonderful beautiful followers: i love yall deeply and i love when u send me asks sm but can y'all pls stop trying to talk to me about the twitter situation now <3 I've established (multiple times) that I think it is all baseless bullshit and that I'm going to carry on happily vibing away here on tumblr where people are capable of critical thought <3 so y'all don't need to keep sending me asks about it

#like i get using my inbox as therapy and stuff but at a certain point #this is my blog yall #and we're supposed to be vibin away and enjoying stuff here #also uh not to sound like a bitch but #yall know u can just ? block those morons right ? #like i dont see Any negativity on twitter anymore about ash because i just. am capable of using the block/mute button #i encourage everyone else to use it too #just try to enjoy stuff ok :) #there's plenty of positive things in this fandom alongside the negative even if i know it's hard to see sometimes #just try to enjoy time w/ ur friends <3 #if u wanna talk more abt it feel free to dm me ! but #the ask box is now officially hashtag closed to twitter discussion <3 #but i love yall!! #and im very sorry it's affecting so many ashies sm :( #i promise things will be ok <3 #especially bc there's still so many of us left who uh <3 arent fucking stupid <3

[saeshiraw]

tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry

#tw rant #studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not #its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels #so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday #i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me #n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone #yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my #friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep #of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle #but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today #i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts #and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics #just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people #im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier #im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk #and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know #but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac #h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe #ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch #people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and #seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want #are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to #spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was #i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next #“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes #me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good #but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im #intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout #but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one? #the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone

[certified-anakinfucker]

ok this is unprompted but if you pride yourself on being the reason people leave a space for something they genuinely love and have done no objective wrong - youre a piece of shit btw. like full send youre horrible.

#cheeri rants #this is brought on by me finally letting myself get back into smth i loved for like 5-6 years #and got squicked out of by senseless witch hunts and trans/misogyny and the like #im really sitting here remembering all the nights i stayed up with amazing friends #the shoulders i cried on and the hands i held for others #the people who stood with me through some of the toughest times i can remember #we all loved the same silly things #we all poured bits of ourselves into everything we created and we shared that with everyone #i still so vividly remember lamenting that id never get to see our interest irl #and someone i didnt even know all that well dm’d me a few days later asking if i had venmo or paypal #because they were going to give me $50 to buy a ticket. they wanted to go but couldnt #for some reason i cant remember but they gave me their own money and told me to please enjoy in their place #and you know what? i fucking cried that night. you dont see that anymore #the all-nighters i pulled with my best friend watching the live reruns of our interest before we even got into the fandom #doing my homework while we were on facetime together squealing #and all of this came to a screeching halt because of some . PEOPLE. #who figured we were having fun the wrong way because they didnt like it #and we put up all the flashing neon signs to warn people #warn them of smth they should have already known #and just because people ignored those signs it was taken out on us anyway #and i have never been so heartbroken to watch one by one as some of the brightest people i ever knew #started leaving. breaking down. their light was being stomped out because some assholes cant mind their own #and i will be fucking damned before i stand by and let that happen again. to anyone.