#i dont know im just disappointed

[evilmiku]

so hellena taylor almost definitely misrepresented her situation with platinum and this has definitely harmed discussions on wage pay for voice actors. this is honestly a really heavy blow but this does not change the fact that voice actors are still being mistreated in the industry: Mob Psycho 100s english voice for Mob isn't going to be returning because Crunchyroll refused to sit down with Union representatives , and the voice actor for Breath of the Wild's Revali said he made more from voicing a character in an indie game than his roles in Breath of the Wild. I encourage you all to read into the way voice actors are treated and to not let this incident paint over this industry wide problem.

#thought bubbles #bayonetta #really is so upsetting #but i dont know... #i dont know im just disappointed

[maskofnova]

Hi chat, breaking the sonic chain to post a singular homestuck post because ive been thinking about moirail dynamics a lot. Don't follow me for homestuck though probably because this is the only one thats likely to break containment aside from maybe one other WIP in the future. Or do! I'm not your dad :]

#Homestuck #karkat vantas #kanaya maryam #moirails #this is like im pretty sure a briefly canon ship #if not just a canon ship in the longterm #its been a while #but i think them and the meowrails are two very sweet relationships #people should talk about the pale quadrants more #i know noone followed me for fucking homestuck so i probably wont post this again #so dont follow me for homestuck either lmao #you will be disappointed #im just really in my fee fees #moirailship and the intimate relationship of two people that is pure emotional intimacy #in a species thats hyper violent and aggressive #thats beautiful man #mogs art

[dontbelasagne]

desperately need to do a presentation on why the Twelfth Doctors journey perfectly represents the transfem experience

their previous eleventh incarnation being suave and hypersexual (i know moffat is mostly to blame but!) is reminiscent of attempts to fit into heteronormative ideals of masculinity. whilst it is not completely insincere, there are obvious signs this does not fit you as a person, it is acted out of desperate need to being seen. as Vastra put it, eleven wore that face, and subsequently that form of masculinity, to be accepted. on becoming twelve, realising even an "idealised" masculinity does not inherently serve them, they retreated into themselves as a person for self-reflection and trying to understand why they feel so detached from who they are.

the "am i a good man" arc mirrors being closeted and having to present as something not inherently tied to your sense of self, but still wanting to be the best of your perceived gender as any failure could leave you spiralling into self-doubt about simply being like any other "man". you ignore your gender dysphoria/questioning by trying to claim a moralistic view of gendered expression. made even more clear by Twelve rejecting Clara's heroic view of them, establishing that even though they have made efforts to be a "good man", that is just a placeholder for their loss of identity.

Missy appearing as she does, who as a character serves as a parallel to The Doctor on what they could become, and her eventual arc in trying to become good is symbolic of the fear around transition regret that internalised transphobia can create when you are closeted. Missy never gives importance to their fem existence other than nonchalant jokes, rather showing a more free and expressive personality devoid of any frustration. this immediately dismisses the transphobic assumption that trans people are only focused on their gender. also, Missy representing trans femininity is inherently tied to chaos and upsetting the status quo, she is the embodiment of what society considers accepting your womanhood as someone previously labelled masculine. what many others, and The Doctor themselves, saw as a need for attention and senseless disruption is Missy not needing to serve a false version of who they are, that they can now focus on becoming whoever they want to be now without losing energy to performing a gender that society has imposed on you. Missy could never have made the decision to stand with The Doctor if she had not given importance to her own queerness.

it wasn't coincidence with meeting Bill, she was the perfect foil for The Doctor to finally let go of their anxious attachment to masculinity. i would even argue for the majority of s10, The Doctor is largely ambiguous in their gender identity and does not fit into any construction of masculinity or femininity. whilst they still present as something socially labelled as masculine, they do not internalise that gender expression. they are uncaring about and not needing the validity that comes with heteronormativity, and thus is free to finally accept the decision they have to make. as Bill says, it is so hard to let go of The Doctor, and that rings true for twelve themselves. but they begin to realise The Doctor can be anyone. yes, they are tired, it would be so easy to simply rest and not give value to who you can become. but choosing to let go of everything you once were to survive is better than oblivion. it is better to let go, to choose another lifetime where the only person that dies is your falsity, to finally get it right and choose kindness. for yourself and for those who you love. they regenerate, not just into another person, but into someone who (if only tv scripts...) can now move forward.

#can you tell the only thoughts i have are of twelve? #this is why im kind of disappointed with the thirteenth doctors arc #like sure they're allowed dimensions as a character and to have dark moments #but there was a chance to show the nuances with relearning how to live and accept joy for yourself #as someone who has grieved and suffered loss and is detached #i know these themes arent just about transhood but dont you think they fit so beautifully? #this makes me want to bounce off the walls #doctor who #dw #twelfth doctor #peter capaldi #12th doctor #thirteenth doctor #jodie whittaker #13th doctor #long post

[skitskatdacat63]

DTS S6E1 "Money Talks" - Fernando Alonso & Lance Stroll

#thought i might as well gif these #only thing in that ep worth gifing..... #cant say im not disappointed #but ill take my chances where i cna get them again #but was literally fighting in the trenches making these #gifing shows is just infinitely worse than gifing race stuff #especially since yknow this just came out today so i had to figure out how to clip it #so if its a bit choppy thats why ah #i love how fernando is such a manlet that i kinda had to crop lance out bcs i wanted to focus on nando LOL #like its so odd bcs he really doesnt look that much shorter than lance on stage in the first two #but in the last two hes literally tiny???? literally two apples tall?????? #anywyas dont know if ill gif anymore of this show. it annoys me too much to watch anymore and i dont know if theres anymore of my guys #f1 #formula 1 #fernando alonso #lance stroll #strollonso #we do a little bit of f1

[wixiany]

Not to be that person, but if Stranger Things ends up with Steve and Nancy getting back together, either Will or Robin dead, no ronance, no steddie, no byler, nothing beyond ‘up to interpretation’ of Will’s sexuality, Mike and El happy together... I don’t know, as a queer person, I will be upset. 

#this is just my opinion but alas #i will still enjoy the show #BUT #if you're queer #you get me #im sure #stranger things #i would love byler but if it doesnt become a canon thing i will be disappointed but not surprised #but these? #yeah #and dont get me wrong #we all know will's gay #but id bet some casual viewers still dont agree #some people need it spelled out #im not actually expecting steddie or ronance but like #the actors are acting very sus #st4 #byler #ronance #steddie

[vladimpale]

very very late day 3 of zukki week 2023: "wait, we're dating?" @zukki-week

(click for only slightly better quality bc i can't guarantee it will look good if you do)

#i just want you to know that the two women were not intended to be a couple but. it got out of hand and im this close to making them my ocs #also #dont click on the images bc its so messy #i tried my best #i didnt bother with the shading but good thing i tortured myself with the clothes patterns :D #if you can't tell i really love zukki on kyoshi island #im so disappointed with how i drew suki ;) #in conclusion this drawing kicked my ass good #and is my last contribution to the event bc i dont want to embarass myself more #atla #zukki #zuko #suki #sokka #my art #(also im sorry this has no id im very tired)

[stromblessed]

Mizu's spectacles, and the levels of her disguise

In drafting some more Blue Eye Samurai meta posts, I find myself writing out the comparisons between what Mizu can and cannot hide about herself, and how that affects how she moves through the world.

Like, I get the jokes about Mizu's glasses, if only color contacts had existed back then, etc. etc., and I think (hope) that most viewers don't take the glasses jokes seriously, as in "I don't care about the suspension of disbelief because BES is a cartoon." But I wanted to write these thoughts out anyway without burying them in a text post about something else.

I think the points I'm going to lay out here are viewed very differently by different people, so please feel free to add to this post, reply, or put your thoughts in the tags!

Not only do Mizu's glasses not actually help her that much, there's surely more to Mizu's mixed race appearance than just the color of her eyes.

In my view, this was pointed out in episode 1:

I'm willing to bet most of us were expecting young Taigen to say "blue eyes," not "ROUND eyes."

Obviously this is still about Mizu's eyes, but not even spectacles can hide their shape.

I don't think the show is obligated to point out everything about Mizu's face that isn't quite as Japanese as the people around her expect. Though the creators have said that they specifically designed Mizu - and her clothes - to read both as "white" and as "Japanese," as well as both male and female. I think there's more about Mizu's features that read as "white" than just her eyes.

This is where my own headcanons start entering the picture, but it's my impression that people can just tell that Mizu looks different, whether or not they can put a finger on exactly how.

There's the little girl who looks at Mizu and then hides on the way into Kyoto:

When there's more to your face you'd like to cover up than just your eyes, big hats are a big help!

By the way, most of these examples have to come from the first half of the season, since by the second half, either Mizu is too preoccupied with fighting henchmen, or everyone Mizu is facing knows who she is already, and she therefore has no reason to hide her mixed race identity.

It's worth mentioning that the mere fact that Mizu has to hide multiple aspects of her identity - her mixed race and her sex - results in her having to choose clothes that really, really cover her up, which doesn't win her any favors either:

(Zatoichi reference, anyone?)

If it were as easy as, for example, tying her glasses to her head and wa-lah, nobody would ever know she was half-white - then (1) Mizu would've just done that long ago, and (2) Mizu wouldn't be so on guard and on tenterhooks 100% of the time the way she's depicted in the show, even when her glasses are on.

Her spectacles sure don't help her in the brothel, which is full of observant women who are trying to seduce her, meaning they get good long looks at her:

Mizu never takes her glasses off, but they still send a woman to her who has light eyes, thinking that must be what will interest a blue-eyed man:

No wonder Mizu gets mad after this, lol

So Mizu never takes her spectacles off in the brothel, it's dimly lit inside, and the women can still tell that she has blue eyes. I'm getting the sense that Mizu putting on her spectacles isn't a guarantee that people suddenly can't tell that she looks different.

And yet no one spots that she's female.

Mizu can hide her breasts, can wear her hair in the right style, can hide what's between her legs, can walk and talk and behave like a man - and she's been doing it for almost her entire life, to the point that not only is she very good at it, but the threat of being found out as female is deadly, but isn't presented in the show as omnipresent.

Let me explain.

She threatens Ringo for nearly saying the word "girl" out loud, because while she's constantly ostracized for being mixed race, being a woman traveling without a chaperone, carrying a sword, and disguised as a man will get her killed or flogged or arrested or some combination of these things.

But in addition, it's been drilled into her since she was a child that if she is discovered as female, the combination of her being mixed race and female will identify her as someone extremely specific, someone known to some bad people, and she will be killed:

I think of it as Mizu thinking to herself, "Being found out as mixed race means I'm treated badly. Being found out as mixed race and a woman means I'm dead."

Mizu's hair is cut as a child. But she isn't made to wear a big hat, or cover her eyes somehow, or anything like that. Because hiding her sex is a more successful endeavor than hiding her race.

Ringo finds out she's female by accident, but once Mizu accepts the fact that he won't rat her out, she relaxes pretty early on in the season. Because the threat of being found out as female is mitigated pretty much 99.9%, since Mizu has gotten so good at being a man. And also, because most of the time, people see what they want to see. Even if Mizu's face makes her stand out as "not 100% Japanese," no one in the world of BES looks at Mizu's clothes, her bearing, her sword, hears her voice, and will ever in a million years conclude that she is a woman, because expectations around gender roles in the Edo period were so rigid and so widely enforced.

One detail that proved this to me is after the Four Fangs fight:

Ringo takes off Mizu's clothes so he can stitch her up, then leaves her clothes off even after he's done. He doesn't even throw her cloak over her as a blanket or anything. There's a little a straw (pallet?) as a divider there on the left, but anyone could just peek around it and see Mizu and her chest bindings. (I think it's mostly there as a windbreaker.)

And Taigen is right there, but he doesn't give a shit:

Opinions probably vary hugely on this, but my impression is that because the show doesn't make any kind of deal about Taigen being in the room with Mizu here, my guess is that Mizu isn't in any danger of Taigen thinking she's female. Even when I watched the show for the first time, I assumed that Taigen had seen Mizu out of her clothes here, and that he thought nothing of it.

Eat your heart out, Li Shang (Mulan 1998). I actually do think that this scene is a direct and purposeful side-eye to that movie, lol

There's obviously some nuance to how "severe" being mixed race is compared to how "severe" being a woman is for Mizu:

After all, Swordfather can't bear to listen to Mizu confess to being a woman.

So a Japanese man can go wherever he wants, whenever he wants in BES. A Japanese woman has limited options: marriage, religion, or a brothel. A mixed-race man is an eyesore in this story. A mixed-race woman is a death sentence.

May as well eliminate the female aspect, and do what you can about the mixed-race aspect. Because that's just realistic.

Meaning Mizu can avoid the strictures Edo society places on women. But she can't avoid the repercussions that come with being mixed race. And I truly don't think that it's just because "there's no brown contacts yet."

#blue eye samurai #mizu #racism #bes #I am truly disappointed that we didnt get absolute confirmation that Taigen saw Mizus bound chest and just didnt think it was a big deal #but I still think that scene is making a point #again I dont think most people take the glasses jokes seriously #but its been bothering me ever since I first saw them #I really dont think Mizu just looks like a 100 percent Japanese person...... with blue eyes #and I bet that will be made even more obvious when she goes to London where Im sure she will meet plenty of people #who are more than happy to point out their observations to her #also I ran out of room in this post to go into it but this is also what made Mizus marriage an absolutely doomed prospect #Mikio talks about wanting to find the right creature for his lord and well... a mixed race woman is the right creature huh #he just needed a little push imo #getting kind of sad at the thought that Ringo is the only person in Mizus life who knows her whole identity AND accepts it wholly

[sillylittleguyinatrenchcoat]

IN HONOUR OF CAT DROPPING here’s a compilation of some old kazui memes bc i’m too lazy to make more <3 i love one man!!!!

#GAY KAZUI TRUTHERS WE WOONNNNNNN #i dont wanna hear anyone call that theory dumb. we were right all along. like his vd almost outright confirms it #i CRIED while listening to it his va did such a good job #BUT I DIGRESS. THE MV???????? INSANEEE #legit my favorite mv ever? like fr? its def in my top 3 #ive been waiting for so long and im not disappointed at all. the song is a bop #and the visuals!!!!! KAZUI EATING A DOVE!!!!! SMOKING!!!! #deco actually made kazui just for me btw. not many ppl know it but its true #aaaaa i fell even more in love w/ him after the vd and mv…. his philosophy abt lying is so interesting and understandable #but anyway. at some point ill make more of these im just lazy!!! but i love kazui sm. #also yuno/kazui father/daughter dynamic>>>>>>>>> they are fambly….. #milgram #milgram memes #kazui mukuhara

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

DUDE, HOLD UP. IT'S ONLY 12-ISH DAYS UNTIL THE NEXT WELCOME HOME UPDATE.

#MAN DONT TALK TO ME IM STILL IN MOURNING #snf. sob. wail. cry. wheeze. hack snf cough #IM SO EXCITED BUT IM SO SO SO SAD #man... why do i have to start working Two Days before the update.... #hoping and praying that theyre like 'oh yeah you have to do the earlier shift sorry </3 i know you wanted the later one </3' #PLEEEASSEEEEE GIVE ME THE EARLIER SHIFT #ID HATE IT IN THE LONG RUN BUT AT LEAST ID BE THERE ON TIME. AT LEAST ID BE THERE #im so upset.... im gonna be crying in the car after work i just know it #man... #once i for sure know my schedule ill hold a poll #to see whether or not i should do the stream at all #i doubt that most people would Wait! #rambles from the bog #im so devastated man. the One Thing i've been hoping for. sigh #i mean i expect disappointment bc this always happens to me whenever i look forward to something lmao but still

[lameow-l]

GAMING IS MY SON AND IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO HIM IM GONNA KILL EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM AND THEN MYSELF!!

LOOK AT HIM HES SO CUTE

i still have hope in getting the other boys too

its ok they can be a band or smth.. at least then gaming wouldn’t have to be so disappointed in people not hiring him bc he’s just having fun with his boys…

#it took me soooo long to realize his name can also be 'gaming' and idk if i should be ashamed or proud lol #his hashtag is gonna get real funny real quick #is it actually an intentional business decision made by hyv #no way this was accidental #anyway im disappointed in his hair design but i stopped feeling much since all genshin charas always have the ugliest hairstyles #also him being another bennett just not as unlucky #he works so hard and still tries to achieve his artistic dream at the same time #but people just smile and ignore him…PAY THE DUDE!!! #ALSO ALSO.. chiaki 2.0 and they better add all other ryuseitai next #i just can get over how energetic and cool genshin concept designs are when the game keeps slapping us with a downgraded version every time #not to say current designs aren’t energetic or cool.. just not as much lol (still salty about red xiao and those flying nahidas) #now i know why they still not doing an art book yet.. they’re ashamed to admit of the amounts of good designs they never use #AND I LOVE GENSHIN DESIGNS honest (otherwise why would i keep doing fanart of this game and this game only for 3 years) #sorry i dont post all of them.... i have issues #but i cant help but feel robbed when i see these designs knowing what they could’ve been #and it’s in no way hyv’s fault *glance at leakers* and the new designs are getting crazier and cooler but #please for the love of god hyv stop with the mullets PLEASE!!! #gaming #ga-ming #gaming genshin #genshin impact

[learn-and-accept]

I think the most annoying part about all of this watcher shit is that if they had just originally said they'd be releasing content earlier and ad-free on their own website, none of this would've happened. Like sure maybe people would be a little bit upset/disappointed they couldn't afford to see things earlier, but at the very least they wouldn't have completely obliterated their reputation and ostracized their fan base. They just went about this in such a shitty and demeaning way and I'm glad they apologized and backpedaled, but I sincerely don't know how they come back from this, especially after it took them three days to respond. I don't know how their audience will ever be able to trust them again

#im really glad they listened amd apologized and didn't double down but holy shit guys #you employee 25 people but clearly none of them are in pr because my god i dont even know how this idea made it past a pitch #you guys are nowhere near the level where this could even begin to be a good idea #and tbh the apology feels weird and insincere and so fucking scripted #it just never needed to be this way #and i dont think fans that were once so loyal are going go ever trust you guys again #i mean fuck ive been a fairly casual fan since the buzzfeed days and even i feel betrayed #i cant imagine how people who spent money on merch and tours and patreon or made fan art or submitted stories feel #it's just so disappointing #anyway good luck i guess #watcher

[lunarhobbits]

i do think the fact that shane is dressed like a supervillain in the announcement is really funny. when he betrays his audience he goes all out at least.

(credit to reddit user Icy_Arrival4510 on r/WatcherSnark for pointing this out)

#im disappointed and saddened but at least it's a little funny... #the SMIRK. no WAY this man didn't know what he was doing a lil bit. at least he's committing to the bit here ig #people are pointing out that a LOT of the blame is going to steven and its getting kind of scapegoat-y (and borderline racist apparently??) #while i'm not a fan of him like i was (since HS) of S/R and i don't trust people who own teslas (hate musk hate his company) #yeah i dont think that he's solely the blame here/deserves to get all the hate. they clearly all made this decision #i think shane in particular may know this is his Villain Arc and he's just embracing it. he looks like he knows theyre gonna hate him 4 it #sorry im just. saaaddd #watcher #watcher entertainment #shane madej #ryan bergara #steven lim #ghost files #mystery files #puppet history #buzzfeed unsolved

[moeblob]

Look, I just think it's VERY funny and on brand that I thought of an entire premise of colorful characters for half the cast and immediately drew the only one void of color.

#my characters #i will not bore you all too much in the main post but now its story time in the tags so yeefuckinghaw #noll is a fae and is distinctly the only one that just lacks colors #at first he was like well surely i can wear colorful stuff to make up for my dark hair and eyes ! #and then he overhears some of the fae talking about how hes a blemish to the fae and hes like well fuck #guess its time to go all in baby! and decks himself out in all black and jagged clothing #and he tries to play it off as hes an idiot and a lot of the fae actually believe its not ALL an act #like they can tell he thinks about stuff but he normally does it staring into space so they dont care to ask #cause surely it isnt important enough to brood about hes just thinking about stuff #and he really REALLY has a lot of confidence issues and worries that more fae are disturbed by his darkness than let on #but then the other fae that like to hang out with him are like #YOOOOOO THATS OUR LIL VOID! THATS OUR LIL GUY! our lil black spot look at him hes so edgy and cute! #and treat him like a pet cat at times giving him head pats even if he bats their hands away #and the plot premise is that some of the fae are bored and decide they should go play with some humans! give THEM enrichment too! #and noll gets roped into it and The Game is basically go find a human partner and convince them to be an ally #then the fae give the humans cool lil toys (weapons) and are like GO FORTH MY CHAMPION! #so noll keeps like ... not picking anyone to participate because its not just A Game to him #if he can prove victorious in A Game with outside factors such as humans then he can prove hes not #an absolute disappointment to the fae like he has a lot riding on this in his mind #and his friends are just like buddy you cant even play if you dont pick a human you gotta #anyway here is noll and then i have ideas for two other fae and also a veeeery vague idea for two of the humans though not as sure yet #rae if you read all this you should know the cobalt is a fae thanks bye #i am so stressed posting ocs every single time and i am incredibly depressed and anxious #so good lord please let me not just delete all the tags in an hour bc im ashamed

[ganondoodle]

i often really do feel like an .. unwanted part of the fandom, i dont draw beautiful landscapes, i have unpopular but strong opinions im constantly annoying about and rarely change, dont like/dont draw the pretty young popular twinks and hot gurls to fanboi over nor do i turn characters into one, the opposite moreso, draw only one ship no ones heard of really, got little energy to interact with the few people that are nice to me and send me asks so it probably looks like im ignoring everyone and unfortunately but still rarely get so stressed i get overwhelmed and emotional about pehaps seemingly minor things and spiral almost into a breakdown feeling super embarrassed about it afterwards but the damage is already done and i look like a freak or agressive weirdo

#ganondoodles talks #also probably sounds like self pity #but this feeling hits everytime i see a super popular artist be the popular cool artist #i am a little weird i know that and thats not somethign bad i think #but the internet never gets to see that much of me #i tend to write posts when i am at my worst bc it has to go somewhere #so the image it tells people is that im a weirdly strong opiniod freak that gets breakdowns over nothing #i also dont feel like im otherwise -cool tm- enough to balance that out #i dont think my art is as stylized or as inventive as others nor am i cool to interact with bc idk how to be cool to interact with #i feel double bad when i misstepped with someone i used to talk to bc of something stupid ... or just dont know what i did wrong #im guessing its especially when i am in that spiraling state of mind where i really am not myself tbh #it still feels very bad bc i feel like i can never make it up to anyone again #sorry i acted like a jerk my brain was exploding in emotions in a desperate attempt to deal with something idk how to deal with- #-and made me not act like myself but now i feel really dumb about it #doesnt sound like a good excuse #... i want to thank those that do stick with me #even if i acted strange sometimes- even if i disappointed sometimes- even when i couldnt keep a promise #there are little things that still make me angry at myself #like that one time i asked in the tags whod read as long as the end of them and if someone did shoudl send me an ask so id draw a lil thing #and i got two #and i kept trying to remeber oh shit i need to do that and forgetting again/not having energy for it in a loop #i still feel like a jerk about it but now its probably too late #i wish i could answer all asks i get but man my energy for that is always rock bottom #no matter how much i enjoy the ask #and i love getting asks!!! #im sorry :((

[melatien]

tiny yoichi (unwillingly) lures out soldiers by being his helplessness little self so his brother can strike

#bases are the most reliable way to find food afo found! #yoichi is crying bcuz he pitys them <3 #not because hes nervous #im gonna be honest i made this idea up on the spot when drawing this #pewdiepies new art video awakened something in me I NEEDED TO REMIND MYSELF I CAN STIL DRAW BANGERS TOO #i didnt disappoint myself!!!! competitiveness is my enemy and my bestie literally #anyways his right eye was an absolute horrendous nightmare to draw it was going so well until i did the hair then it ruined the eye #i actually thought yoichi was wearing shoes at this age but then i looked back at those chapters and realised yoichi was shoeless #WITH ONLY A BANDAGE ON HIS FOOT??!?!!?!? agony #can yoichi not make me wish he had something good in life for ONE SECOND #think of this as like how he responded to afo killing those people that (presumably) beat yoichi up beforehand #we dont know if hes crying because his brother is killing or if he was crying before being 'saved' #ill try do some fluff art soon ive been really interested in body horror related art lately so i wanted to play around!!! #i have a BUNCH of ideas written down ive yet to do #i just keep doing whatever i feel like #i am the master of ignoring the instructions and winging it #mha #my art #yoichi shigaraki #one for all #my hero academia #first ofa user #shigaraki yoichi #mha yoichi #tiny yoichi #tiny yoichi in his shabby little clothes #ive actually been dying to draw tiny yoichi again but KIDS ARE SO HARD TO DRAW!!!!! #i had an art moment though #HALLEJUHAH #art gods had my back fr

[tradingjack]

These were the concept pages I drew for my original writer in the @vashwoodbigbang event! Unfortunately they have disappeared on me 😅 and also bc god hates me I guess, the day I was supposed to post these, yesterday, saw me dealing with first a wifi outage and then a whole electricity outage so. That was fun lmao

Details about the drawings below since. I don't know if my writer will ever post the story, unfortunately 😔

So this was originally coined as a stardust au! I believe it was primarily based on the movie that came out in the 2000s (?), though I believe my writer was familiar with both the movie and the book it was based on. Honestly, it doesn't pull much at all from the story itself, just the general concepts of stars.

In this version, Vash is a star, and he decides to try and find his long-lost siblings (Knives and Tessla). In his search, he comes across a planet he hasn't visited before, and while he's descending to it, he's shot down by something mysterious that causes him rather permanent injury (not new; I believe he'd already lost his arm previously and he has all his scarring from travels to previous planets, this specific technology is just new to him).

He manages to crawl some distance from the resulting crater and is rescued by the odd pair of anthropologist Milly and journalist Meryl, who are tracking fallen stars on their planet in order to research them. Vash is horrified to learn that stars on this planet are rather brutally searched for and used for their power, so he tries his best to keep his real identity as a star secret.

In the next town, he learns about Star Cultists, who are the leading experts on stars. Our dear Wolfwood is one of them, and though he's a priest under the head of Chapel, he seems pretty jaded about the whole thing. He also spends some time poking fun at their visitor Vash when he stumbles on the doorstep of the church.

Unbeknownst to all, Chapel is the one who shot Vash down, and he suspects Vash is his target. When Vash, Milly, and Meryl skip town, Wolfwood is ordered to tag along with them against his will, and he begrudgingly forces himself into the group with his usual grace lol.

Through some shenanigans, including an interesting fight with Livio/Razlo who is a martyr (a human who ate at least part of a star and became consumed by it), the group all grows closer to each other. Naturally, Wolfwood and Vash hit it off with their usual ideology clashing and homoerotic team fighting. The tension comes to a head when both of the boys are drunk and attempting to stumble somewhere after getting kicked out of the bar, and with the help of liquid courage, Wolfwood admits to Vash that he's what's known as a "Star Eater:" a human that has consumed part of a star, and by some genetic luck, isn't consumed by it and instead gains some superhuman abilities so long as the magical tattoo (i forget what it's called off the top of my head fuck) that forms around the presenting star isn't broken.

Vash is understandably horrified. Wolfwood is confused by Vash's rejection bc he isn't aware Vash is a star; he's under the impression Vash is just some very talented guy Chapel really wants to feed a star shard in the hopes he becomes part of their superhuman cult.

Vash sobers up and manages to drag a very drunk and eepy Wolfwood to their hotel.

The next day is the turning point; the star cultists, including Chapel, catch up to them and confront Vash. Wolfwood has to learn very quickly that he'd been Wrong and Vash, in his panic, flies to where it feels most safe; the city's Star (storage area?? Idk). He ends up cornered there and, in his panic, accidentally goes nuclear trying to escape and blows up half the city in a column of flame. While he's barreling across the desert in an attempt to get away, he's trapped by a net the star cultists set up, made of the same shit used to shoot him down at the start, and he can't escape it on his own.

Luckily he's found by Wolfwood first, who's decided he owes it to Vash to try and fix his fuck up, and using his superhuman healing, he manages to free Vash. Both are exhausted and ultimately rescued by LR, who's been tailing them.

Tbh my memory's kinda foggy... my writer only managed to share up to that first LR fight, so I don't remember exactly what's supposed to happen between here and the fight at the orphanage?? I remember Vash somehow finds out what happened to his siblings (a hella long time ago, Tessla was consumed by the people of the planet and Knives, in his rage, fuckin just annihilated everything, turning it into a desert planet, and has been laying dormant for the most part since then) and also we learn that martyrs gain better control of themselves, and the crystal growth consuming them stops, when in proximity to enough additional star power. Vash, as a star himself, allows LR to easily think as they did before they ate a star shard when in close enough proximity.

Anyway, fight for the orphanage, Vash shows up in time to see Wolfwood getting his shit rocked and his magical tattoo (I'm so annoyed I can't remember what it's called. My mind is supplying sharingan and i know that aint it) shattered by Chapel, who accomplishes this by running Wolfwood through with his cane. Vash, believing Wolfwood's dead (bc like. Lmao it's pretty hard to live getting impaled, like, fully), loses his temper and basically obliterates Chapel. He moves on from Wolfwood's body to try and dismantle the entire Star church so Wolfwood's orphanage can stay safe. In this process, he confronts a Doctor Conrad, who was behind the whole thing, the remains of Tessla, and somehow Knives?? I think Knives, sensing Vash's anguish, just tried to fuckin nuke everyone, and Vash stops that. I feel like Knives dies in this process somehow... I think it was by saving Vash from something Conrad made??

By the end of it, Vash is wounded and exhausted, and ends up being saved by Milly and Meryl, I think.

When he recovers, it's to find he's lost his ability to leave the planet; while still functionally a star, his power has greatly diminished, his hair is black, and he can't even hide his wings anymore. Last I knew, my writer was actually merciful and let Wolfwood live! Albeit as a martyr (thus the wolf form with the uncontrolled star shard bursting out of the hole in his chest you can see on Wolfwood's page lol). Luckily he's got Vash around, so he gets to keep his mind, if not his human form.

With Knives dead and the star cultists mostly dispersed and no longer able to fuck with the planet, the story ends with our characters getting to experience rainfall on the planet for the first time in centuries.

.......

I like the story :P I imagine it'd be a lot better written out in actual novel form by the person who'd actually thought it up than my shitass, too-long summary lol.

Honestly my writer was communicating up until like, a month ago?? And then they just.... disappeared :/ which is weird bc I checked with my mod for this event (shout out to mod sana, @pushclouds, you're an amazing mod and I appreciate the heck out of you) and they submitted literally every check-in. Honestly I'm more worried for them than anything, if anyone knows what happened to @lohikaar I'd appreciate anything you can tell me. I hope they'll publish this story whenever they can, I'd still love to read it in its entirety.

Additional shout-out to @priellan for beta-ing the story they shared with us, and for overall being a super supportive team member :D

Also they did assign me a pinch hitter writer since we have no idea wtf happened to my original writer, so I'll be doing more drawings :D priellan agreed to beta for them too, which I'm super happy about! And thanks again to mod sana for your hard work and arranging that so quickly!

An admittedly strange first big bang experience, but I don't think it was overall bad, and I'm excited to work on more stuff with my new writer :D if you read this far goddamn. Thanks lol. See you again for sure on January 1st! (I'll try to post other shit between then and now hopefully)

#vashwood big bang #my art #stardust au #man im. idk. it really feels like the universe was against me on this one but fuck the universe I'll do what i want #i deserve to make silly little drawings of queer silly little guys. i think ive earned that this year. good god #anywayyy will be making more #and fr like. if aster does see this im not angry! im not even really disappointed i know shit happens #really i'd just like assurance that you're alive and well at this point 😅 #feel like we've been through some real scary stuff this year #trigun #fanart #primarily based off trimax tbh #still plugged a lot of christianity into this one dont worry #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #werewolf??? ig????? it's not technically a werewolf but also shit dude i was looking up werewolves as references so #vash x wolfwood #ik there's really none in the drawings but that was a focal point of the story #which the concept pages are about