#i have a lot of thoughts to process | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

stil-lindigo · 29 days

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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

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no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

#cw: suicidal ideation #cw: suicide #cw: self harm #cw: mental health #cw: depression #i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it #i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague #it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves #so. please dont #for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic #with the state of the world as it is #having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful #but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full #and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead #i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us #there is no fix-all #and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile #i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it #thank you for reading #and please stay alive #stillindigo art #stillindigo comics

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ofoceansandtombsanew · 5 months

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wanna do extremely late don't judge orihime week prompts and i'm torn for day 6 (xover), help a hoe choose

#look she's doing a poll #bleach #jjba #jojo's bizarre adventure #orihime inoue #because the shun shun rikka would work so well as a stand #the crusaders would have benefited from a healer #and technically pt 4 already has a healer in josuke #but orihime can fit so well into either scenario #for pt 3 i imagine her as jotaro's cousin on his dad's sad #imagine josuke using crazy diamond to restore her hair length after those bullies cut it QuQ #i have a lot of thoughts to process

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notemaker · 9 days

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Chapter 3 title of Silver & Blue is SAGE ADVICE: MEETING PEOPLE ALONE IN THE WOODS IS AWESOME. A co-written story (@imdeadtiredtm Hi :3) in which Hiccup thinks he's getting stalked and Jack Frost thinks this random civilian really shouldnt be walking around in the middle of nowhere at 3am. Aka; Friendship is magic, Mrs Bennett considers witchcraft as a part-time job, and Lakes are weird.

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nateezfics · 2 months

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hongjoong’s vlog is so boyfriend coded, and he did that intentionally. this man knows our delulu asses love this type of content from him, cuz he’s aware of how down bad we are :))

#i had to take a couple of hours after watching this to process #cuz this was A LOT #the morning bare face beauty 😩😩😩#whyyyy does he have to look so fuckable when he’s JUST BRUSHING HIS TEETH #the one button the arms out the forehead the bare face #UHHHHHHFGGGGHH #I’d give this pussy to him every. fucking. morning.#ok and then him showing the shot of him getting ready in just the tank top #OUCH #THAT WAS PERSONAL #the ARMS #FUCK ME SIDEWAYS #*inahle* HIM DRIVING !!!!!!!!!!#the ultimate boyfriend content #he looks HOT behind the wheel #the road head I’d give this man🥴🥴🥴#…..him in the gym #him leaning back just reclined looking all ridable #wanna straddle him and ride his shit SO BAD😩😩😩#he made sure to show off his arm too🙃🙃🙃#THE STUDIO CONTENT I AM LIVING #the cap while he’s driving at night🫠🫠🫠#so hongjoong when you gonna propose like #I’m ready 🤨💍#hongjoong hard thoughts #ateez hard thoughts #joongie #☕️

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bipidin · 10 months

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The Barbie movie hits you in waves

A lot of us have been that girl who comes to hate Barbie, and like America there comes a point where you see the faults but love the idea of Barbie and what she can be but also despair because no it's not that easy its a dream Barbieland is a dreamland and is it not enough to just be nothing more than ordinary because sometimes thats enough.

But sometimes it isn't. Sometimes that isn't enough and the world is set up to hold you back and Barbieland is a dreamland like you childhood but as soon as you hit adulthood that dreamland falls apart and it hurts like hell. Change hurts like hell and its devestating fighting for what is right and the Kens deserve better just like women deserve better and that happens slowly and that is frustrating and its not a happy ending but its not a sad ending because life isn't fully sad or happy and it doesn't end because there will always be another little girl

#look its a lot #i thought i could walk in and watch a fun little movie but my stem brain that struggles with critical thinking is working on overdrive #my brain has all the fans blowing and im trying to process this bc oh shit that movie makes you think #and you HAVE to go beyond surface level or it isn't enjoyable #but once you do it is devestating and it feels amazing #barbie movie spoilers #barbie movie #barbie

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shrews-things · 7 months

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Things about top surgery that I didn't expect (double incision)

It hurt so much less right after waking up than I thought it would, it was similar to pneumonia lung pain like kind of a burning sensation

Wasn't hard or upsetting to get used to my new look!! Also there isn't an ounce of regret in me, I thought I'd have some at least in the first few weeks

I had the posture of a shrimp for like two whole weeks from that compression garment

It itches as it heals which is fucked up bc I can't feel shit in any of it and also when I try to gently pat it to make the itch go away, I can't feel that either so it doesn't help :')

I'm like 5 weeks post-op and I still can't raise my arms above my head gdkdhskhdn

Still reaching for a bra or binder out of habit when getting dressed

It still feels like I'm somehow??? Hiding my chest???? Like when I was still just binding, I still go like "oh this is a good outfit, it hides my chest well" boy you haven't got a chest to hide

The urge to pull out the loose ends of my dissolvable stitches,,,,

#this stayed in my drafts for a while as I went about my recovery and collected them dgkdhdkd #anyway not much reason for it I'm just compiling my thoughts and documenting my experiences #ftm #top surgery #might add onto this as I go #anyway the scabs from my grafts have almost all fallen by now! there's just one tiny bit left #it makes me super happy #I love the way I look #it fills me with this joy and excitement and comfort that I didn't think I'd ever feel about my body #huge shoutout to that one person here on tumblr who helped me through a lot of the process #<3 #also I know my experiences aren't necessarily universal #just thought it'd be cool to share

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mozzaremi · 1 month

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revivisection · 10 months

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so dance fucker dance man he never had a chance :)

#my art #pathologic #daniil dankovsky #my only thought process here was 'which characters do i know have jackets?'#the answer is a lot of them

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uhbasicallyjustmilex · 8 months

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quotes from alex turner's favourite authors that make me want to put my face through a wall:

"although i have never been an actor in the strict sense of the word, i have nevertheless, in real life, always carried about with me a small folding theatre" - vladimir nabokov, despair

"there is a terrible emptiness in me, an indifference that hurts," - albert camus

"there is no trap so deadly as the trap you set for yourself" - raymond chandler

"at eight, he had once told his mother that he wanted to paint air" - vladimir nabokov

"no man ever understands quite his own artful dodges to escape from the grim shadow of self-knowledge" - joseph conrad

"everything i've ever let go of has claw marks on it" - david foster wallace

"we're all lonely for something we don't know we're lonely for. how else to explain the curious feeling that goes around feeling like missing somebody we've never even met?" - david foster wallace

"i turn over a new leaf every day, but the blots show through" - keith waterhouse

"the truth will set you free. but not until it's finished with you" - david foster wallace

"curiosity is insubordination in its purest form" - vladimir nabokov

"i'm me and nobody else; and whatever people think i am or say i am, that's what i'm not, because they don't know a bloody thing about me" - alan sillitoe

"we live as we dream; alone” - joseph conrad

"i liked, as i like still, to make words look self-conscious and foolish, to bind them by mock marriage of a pun, to turn them inside out, to come upon them unwares" - vladimir nabokov, despair

"whatever you get paid attention to for is never what you think is most important about yourself" - david foster wallace

"i continued to stir my tea long after it had done all it could with the milk” - vladimir nabokov, despair

"i remained too much inside my head and ended up losing my mind" - edgar allan poe

"all the information i have about myself is from forged documents" - vladimir nabokov, despair

"how odd i can have all this inside me and to you its just words" - david foster wallace

"you will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. you will never live if you're looking for the meaning of life" - albert camus

#all of these are from books/authors alex has explicitly mentioned being a fan of #god i wish he talked more about what he reads because i find the books and authors people are drawn to fascinating #it's such an insight into someone's psyche #then again maybe that's why he doesn't talk about it a lot - the books you love are quite a personal thing #but yeah #having read a few things i just thought i'd compile a little selection of quotes from his favourite books/authors that #idk - stuck out to me as being very alex #and it's safe to safe i have well and truly destroyed my own heart in the process #i also now absolutely have to read despair by vladimir nabokov #it's one of his that i haven't read but i had a little flick through it and oh my god i can totally see why alex is so into it #this list was almost entirely just quotes from that book #there are SO MANY that are just painfully alex #(in my mind anyway)#anyway #enough rambling from me #i might have to do a part two of this at some point #alex turner #arctic monkeys #lulu posts

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theophagie · 4 months

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Dream drop distance scenario and cutscene director Masaru Oka we owe everything to you............

#i wish i'd been a fly on the wall when they decided to make riku reach his hand out to touch sora's face only to then draw back #what. what was the thought process there. .#i love you internet archive. it's got lots of the ultimania volumes #though i only have this one so far because my download speed is abysmally low kek #mytext #video games #soriku #kingdom hearts

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puddii-ng · 2 days

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shu's new summer casual is so cute to me.. here is a femstars ver i whipped up today :3

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freakurodani · 2 months

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The parallel between Sokka and Tenzin as their fathers' sons.

Sokka, left at 13 as his father and all the other men head off to war. Hakoda tells him "being a man is knowing where he's needed the most" and he needs to protect his sister, his home.

Tenzin is the second airbender. He is also half water tribe, he's a man. When Aang dies, he will be the last airbender. He understands what he needs to do.

Untold amount of pressure and responsibility have been thrust upon them by their fathers. Though, I believe it is not all intentional, but the unfortunate circumstance of being the fathers of sons who take responsibility incredibly seriously.

In Sokka's case, "protect your sister" is a vague instruction. It was meant to give him purpose, to help him feel okay about being left behind, He is too young for war, his father does not want to bring his child to slaughter. But Sokka will die with purpose. He will train the children of his tribe so they will be protected, he will face a fire nation ship until his last breath. He cannot go to war, but Hakoda did not see that war was all around them. In trying to give Sokka purpose, Hakoda put their world on his shoulders.

We do not get to see Aang be a father (in the TV shows), but we know he had hopes for the future. All his children were air nomads, and the air acolytes brought his culture back, but Tenzin could bend. This part of their culture is one ONLY they share. I do not think Aang would hide this, he is joyous that he gets to share his culture. When he feels respected, he always is, he taught the air acolytes after all. Off handedly, he could say, "I'm hopeful for a future where there are lots more air benders," and that, which feels mostly innocuous to him, is the nail in the coffin of Tenzin's fate. He is Avatar Aang's son, and the future of the air benders. It would not matter that Aang meant a future in generations. Tenzin sees the responsibility and it's his. He is his father's only air bending child, he knows what he needs to do.

Being a parent is not understanding the way the things you say harm your children. Even those things that feel innocuous in the moment can be life altering. Especially the more the child respects the parent. Purpose and Hope for those with a broader perspective, can be death sentences to a life that could have been when expressed to those who idolize the former.

#avatar the last airbender #avatar the legend of korra #atla sokka #sokka #tenzin #lok tenzin #aang #avatar aang #hakoda #atla #conspiracy lvl: text #i thought about talking about how my own mothers expectations for me broke me #they just felt like facts of life for her #just as like anecdotal evidence for my thought process #bc like we only know aang as a father from his frustrated adult children #but i REALLY REALLY dislike the takes that are like 'aang kept having kids until he got an airbender'#bc THAT doesnt feel like aang #like #if that were the case dont you think aang and katara would have had like A LOT more kids????#like if the goal was make airbender babies why stop at one???#but its because bumi kya and tenzin are reflections of sokka katara and aang #ive made a post about that #its about AANGS FAMILY #and he loves them #i think the favoritism is reasonable #makes me sad but thats cause my mom had obvious favorites (it wasnt me lmao)#another reason why i didnt wanna bring her up <- is doing it anyway how embarrassing #i ALSO thought about my dad though #but i cant talk about that here bc APPARENTLY tumblr only lets you add 30 tags now rip

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flickerintwilights · 2 months

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on the road to hell

#hadestown #art #my art #tag ramble as promised:#firstly #i’ve been thinking about redoing this as digital art #(like - mostly the same but cleaner and with some of the details fixed) and probably will if i have time #because i like this composition a lot #but! for now i am oddly happy with how this turned out despite being traditional art/watercolor (no undo button. sobs.)#and it Is a noteworthy day for hadestown with lola tung and lillias white departing #(this is Not meant to celebrate them specifically - i used the obc as reference not them - i just think it’s a nice day symbolically)#so i thought i’d put this out. whatever. yknow.#oh a second thing i will say is that this was a great excuse to check out the slime tutorials on youtube #i spent like 9 or something hours on this :/ so. plenty of time to have things on in the background while i was working. we love slime #thirdly! two things i feel like are worth mentioning rq for Symbolism:#wait for me reprise (intro) originally having wedding procession imagery (from anaïs mitchell in working on a song)#is what first made me desperately want to put the flower/petals on the edges (it still fucking haunts me)#though it was a solid composition choice in general i think #and i mean. clearly the carnation should be prominent. it’s the carnation. from hadestown.#i don’t think the wedding procession reference comes across the way it turned out but that was the first thought #NEXT ouroboros. the snake devouring its own tail (i legitimately forgot that this was why i first drew the rattlesnake that way but #fundamentally i really did just want its tail and head to point to each other lmao)

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podcastenthusiast · 9 months

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Sure it's all fun and games Tav telling Astarion to "say please" and calling him a good boy before having sex, but he'd have a mini panic attack if Tav explained safewords and like actually gave a shit about his wellbeing in bed.

#rotating astarion thoughts around in my head like a salad spinner #i don't think he's ace exactly although trauma is a valid reason to be but i do think his feelings about sex vary a lot #and sometimes he might not be comfortable with it even in the best circumstances. sometimes it's gonna be too much #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #astarion #lots of good smut but ngl i want more fics just processing this stuff. how to heal your trauma when all you know is pain and manipulation #maybe that means not having sex but also that's how his worth has been defined for so long so what then? uuugh #astarion romance

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uncanny-tranny · 4 months

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There's something so insane to me about being able to create and recreate vintage or even ancient music, clothes, fabrics, building architecture, anything, really.

I watched this video about a lady who knit a WWII-era vest, and it was really unique, because the cable work would eat up yarn, when there were shortages of fibers. This pattern would have likely been used by people to send overseas to soldiers, and now it's being created in a time where this war has been over for generations. What were the people making this pattern thinking of? What about the people making the vest? Could they fathom a world where world wars didn't happen back to back? Could they imagine what peace felt like, or did it fade like a distant memory, a faint friend? All we have now are the remnants of their efforts, a "simple" vest that would warm the bodies of countless people the knitter would never have imagined were here on earth with them.

We're reaching across time to learn about other people - we're reaching our hands out just to grasp anything tangible. And when we've take hold of something, all we can do is say I love you I love you I love you

#positivity #art #i also come across this absolutely stunning woman who collects vintage pieces from the '50s and it's just. it's mind boggling #or how we've found ancient sheet music and have recreated its contents #do you ever think about how we're time travelers #do you ever think about what might be recreated of us in the future #this isn't about nostalgia baiting but about how we learn and process the ways that people in the past lived #you don't have to feel nostalgic for WWII to be intrigued by this (it would be very concerning if one WAS nostalgic for WWII)#i just. i die a little inside because i know i will never know everything...#...i will never know every lottle thing about people in the past especially...#...and i am never completely satisfied because only a very selective amount of things are preserved and remembered...#...i wonder then what 'forgotten' people thought and felt and how they lived...#...especially as individuals or as a small clan of family and friends. i want to know them intomately - as if i myself have become emeshed..#...does this make sense. i don't just want to know about nobles and kings and the wealthy...#...i want to know what the lacemaker for a king felt making lace for the royals...#...i want to know what the rice field worker thought about when the fields were flooded and they swatted a bug away from their skin...#...i want to know what a mother of a small child thought when churning butter - her baby cooing and making a mess...#...and it sucks sometimes to know that we're time travelers but in a very narrow sense. but i still love what we have got...#...don't get me wrong i love it. but i still grieve that we have lost a lot of history - a lot of people...#...or maybe we have only lost them in the sense that we just haven't located and found them *yet*#anyway i've watched that video multiple times now and i just go absolutely animalistic thinking about it #all of this is complex and i have Plenty of thoughts about that. but at least to me this is what i've seen a lot - a lot of love #and isn't studying this - recreating it and analyzing it - isn't that a form of love?#am i... a nosy person..........

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dreki · 6 months

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All of it was dreamed into existence.

Saw the Ocean at the End of the Lane stage play in London last week and instantly knew I had to draw something for it.

The entire play was truly a dream-like experience – the acting, the music, the lighting, the puppetry, the magic tricks, the dancing, the props, the costumes – all of it was absolutely magical. I don't go to theatre often but it never fails to move me.

#ocean on stage #the ocean at the end of the lane #art #fanart #neil gaiman #couldn't remember exactly what skarthach looked like but that felt very fitting with the themes of the play and book #so I just… imagined what I couldn't remember #heheh #i have lots of thoughts about the play but i'm still processing them aijhdzijz

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