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#i like the idea of izzy with roach or lucius in this fic

goayda · 2 months

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Happy Birthday, Izzy

Shameless fluffy fic, because the idea of the crew having a party for Izzy's bday wouldn't leave me alone.

(As usual, set some time after 2x07, Ed is happy being a fisherman somewhere and there was no Zheng fight and no Prince Ricky attack. As usual too, no warnings needed, just a happy time for everybody.)

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Izzy had been trying to teach Stede again how to correctly read a nautical chart for the last hour (No, Bonnet, it’s not more exciting to simply follow the wind, that gets you wrecked!) when Lucius came in to tell him they needed his help on deck.

“Olu and Pete were trying to fix... that thing you said, something about the rigging, right? But they’re stuck, I think,” he explained vaguely.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!”

Izzy stormed out of the captain’s cabin, muttering curses to himself. It wasn’t such a difficult task, he had thought the crew was finally getting the grasp on their jobs, especially Oluwande, but apparently he had been wrong.

When he reached the deck, though, instead of the mess he had been expecting he found himself in front of a very smug and very happy bunch of pirates that cheered loudly at him.

“Surpriiiise!” the whole crew shouted as one.

“Wha-what?”

“Happy birthday, Izzy!” Bonnet yelled behind him and then Izzy finally noticed the decorations.

There were fewer flowers than in the last big event on the Revenge, but there were many colorful decorations everywhere, beautiful paper lanterns ready to be lit when the sun would go down and were those parcels with ribbons on a table actually presents?

“How did you know?” Izzy asked, confused.

He hadn’t said anything about his birthday, in fact he hadn’t even remembered it was that day, except for a vague thought in the morning when he had checked the logs. Birthdays weren’t important for pirates or had never been before he had set foot on that crazy ship full of madmen.

“You told me once, but you were so drunk you probably don’t remember,” Frenchie said with a wink.

“We all agreed we should do something special for our first mate’s birthday this year,” Stede said, looking as excited as a child on Christmas morning. “We have a great party ready for you, Izzy! Ready, people?”

Izzy stood awkwardly while Stede and the crew sang Happy Birthday to him, willing his body not to blush, but probably failing. A birthday party. It was ridiculous, it was a waste and it was the most heartwarming thing that had happened to him in a long time.

The crew started giving him the presents right away and soon his hands were full and he was fighting to the keep himself from tearing up.

First Roach and Fang came up from the galley with snacks and pastries and a big lemon cake.

(I know these are your favorites, little man, I’ve seen you have seconds when you thought nobody was looking.

Yes, boss, and I know you like the little lemon cakes, we used to buy them on shore leave, remember?)

Then Pete and Lucius offered him a big package and Izzy unwrapped it to find a few bottles of good rum.

(I found them in the last raid and we saved them for your birthday, Izzy.

Yes, and I helped wrapping them, you know. It was quite difficult with my wooden finger and all…

You made a lovely bow with that ribbon, babe. It looked great.

Aaaww, thank you, babe.)

Wee John and Frenchie’s present was next, a beautiful dark-blue cloak with embroidered sparrows.

(For night watches, when it gets cold. I hope I got the measures right, Izzy, if not, you let me know and I’ll fix it.

Yeah, and I sewed the sparrows, Izzy. They’re good luck birds, you know? They’ll protect you from evil witches.)

Oluwande, Archie and Jim offered him a smaller package and Izzy found a set of very good quality daggers inside.

(I chose those myself, hombrecito, that’s very good steel. You could stab a thousand men with those!

Or not! Not right now I mean. But we thought you’d like them, Izzy. Happy birthday!

Yeah, I bet you could hide the smallest one somewhere in your unicorn leg and nobody would see it coming, man!)

The presents were very thoughtful and Izzy realized he had only managed to grumble a thank-you every time, but nobody seemed to care. The crew was having fun, laughing and eating while cheering at him to open the next present and when he thought that was the last one, Stede got closer slowly with his hands behind his back.

“Here, this is my present for you, Israel. I hope you like it,” Stede said almost casually, but his face showed how nervous he really was.

Stede offered him a big sword, wrapped with a green silk ribbon and Izzy stared at it open-mouthed. It was… pretty, but it was clearly an ornamental sword, made for show and not for fighting. The blade was too thin and too long and the guard was beautifully crafted, yes, with intertwined steel vines with thorns and leaves that created a sort of cage where your hand was supposed to go. It looked like wielding that sword in a real fight would cause more damage to your hand than any attack from your opponent.

Izzy looked at Stede’s expectant face and then took a deep breath.

“It’s beautiful, Captain, thank you very much. I’ll treasure it.”

There, he thought proudly, he didn’t say he would use it so he wasn’t technically lying.

Stede beamed at him, looking incredibly proud.

“Oh, I also bought you this,” he added then as he offered him a very small package. “Yours seems to be a bit worn-out and they’re always useful.”

A pair of leather gloves, just his size.

“I know you only use one, but well, better have the pair, I thought, just in case.”

“Thank you, Stede,” Izzy said softly.

There was a silence then, but it wasn’t awkward at all. It didn’t last long, though, because soon the crew was loudly demanding cake and the party continued, with cake, drinks and songs long until the moon was up in the sky. And Izzy enjoyed every single moment of it, even if he wasn’t going to admit it out loud. Not yet, at least.

XOX

#ofmd #fanfic #ofmd s2 spoilers #izzy hands #stede bonnet #the crew of the revenge #gentlehands #stizzy #it's a background thing but it's stizzy I swear #all my fics are #and I won't apologize for it #ofmd fic

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mysteriouslybluepirate · 9 months

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Izzy thoughts at first (then LONG ramblings about the S2 Teaser)

TLDR: I think Izzy is going to run away from Ed, get Stede, and help him become a better pirate. Also: WHY IS EVERYONE SO HOT

1.) Look at him. So *happy* to be the Goth he truly is!

I love that Izzy doesn't trust Ed not to hit him here. If you look, Ed's not that close to his face, but Izzy just *can't* trust him right now.

Izzy in the same face makeup as the rest of the crew (AHHHHH HE'S SO HOT. I want him. I want to be him. ETC). What made Izzy put on the makeup? How long do you think Izzy lasted before caving in? I'm 50/50 between him immediately giving in, or stomping his feet. I love that he clearly put some time into it. That's full coverage right there.

[IS THAT A WIP ON HIS HIP? My CalicoHands heart.... Someone correct me if I'm wrong...please correct me if I'm wrong. I will be thinking about this for a month, thank you.]

We also see him dying his beard with Kohl? Might just be the lighting. Also: take note of that lovely ring around his necktie. My theory is that this is episode 1, right near the beginning of the episode.

2.) THE LAD <3 MY MAN! GOD, he looks refreshed. Rested. Slightly stressed. This is why I think he was staining his beard in the last GIF, just comparing colors.

RED ALERT: THE RING AROUND HIS THROAT IS MISSING(or he's not wearing it in this shot, or we can't see it thanks to the lighting).

Izzy just deciding to leave is so fucking powerful to me, as a show of Izzy's growth in what looks to be 1/2 episodes. I don't think Ed hurt him, I think he genuinely got sick of this shit and left... He might have just run off once he got a *hint* that Stede might be alive, and decided to risk it. (Or fell off the ship during that storm...could you imagine the angst). FIRST MATE IZZY HANDS TO CAPTAIN STEDE BONNET/EDWARDS? Yes, please!

[My Stizzy/Steddyhands author heart is ready to read those fics. Because there is no way in hell these idiots will work out a throuple. As I'm 90% sure Ed just doesn't see Izzy.]

My theory for the scene specifically: Stede's crew takes over a ship, and Izzy is there to help. We see Izzy walk into the room, probably to update his Captain about the raid, and a guy goes in for the stab. The "I did a punch" Is because Izzy is training him. AHHH :3 CHEWING THE BARS OF MY CAGE

3.) I saw a theory that the reason Izzy covers his hand with a glove is because he's been branded as a deserter from the Navy(usually a 'D' tattoo on the hand). Most of Ed's crews wouldn't respect him if they knew that Izzy had turned coat. This also explains why in Ep 9 he hated the idea of Ed turning himself in. In all the scenes in the teaser, we still see him in a glove, even after he ditches the symbolic ring.

ALSO HI SHIRTLESS IZZY, SORRY TO IGNORE YOU! Why is he shirtless? It's the Caribbean, I get that it's hot, but nothing? Does the man not own any other not-black tops? Not that I'm complaining, of course! I am very happy with this artistic decision.

I still think he's going to lose his foot/infection is going to spread thanks to his toe(losing a metaphorical and physical balance thanks to Ed). They're suspiciously covering his foot with a barrel or it's out of frame in most shots. So this training might be 1/2 Izzy helping Stede, and 1/2 Izzy regaining his balance. I also think this is on Stede's new ship, as that doesn't really look like any room we've seen on the Revenge.

STEDE IZZY FRIENDSHIP ARC. :D

(Now, the thing is. Does Izzy find out about Lucius hiding before he leaves? My guess is no, Izzy doesn't know, and is going to take that info right to Stede to reveal in a sensitive moment.)

(YES. I am in love with the Izzy-candle-imagery! My man is a dwindling candle, long may he burn. He doesn't need to use his fingers and cause himself harm when lying/having feelings about something, he can just use his sword)

=============================================

NOT IZZY STUFF THAT I LOVED

GET EM ROACH!!!! I just love this shot so much...no clue why. The flowers, the shock on Roach's face, the tiny ass canon.

I love him in this trailer, THIS IS HIS GLOW UP, and am happy Jenkins looked at straight people no-homoing S1 and went 'STEDE LOVES ED! HE LOVES HIM SO MUCH' all teaser.

"I don't care what anyone says, he's actually a good guy!" OH STEDE. This is exactly what I expected from you, and I am so excited to see this play out. I hope Izzy is there to help him manage his money, if not, pray for him.

Stede getting a Pirate Outfit that TWIRLS is so him... I'm so happy for him! This is what I always thought Stede would enjoy about 'dressing up' in a pirate world. He can have elegance, color, and function! THIS is his glow-up, the longer hair, the ATTITUTE<3(Prince better be in this season's soundtrack, please).

WE'RE GETTING A STORM BABY!!!!! My favorite trope in OFMD fic I haven't yet written ;). They're so fucking scary, the reason most pirates didn't last a year is due to storms vs. most other threats. I'm excited this season will explore a bit more of the realities of living on a ship! I write OFMD horror because 1700'S SHIPS ARE HORRIFIC.

ALSO HI JIM!!!!! My two favorite characters, all get a decent screen chunk of teaser time. THEY ARE SO FUCKING HOT IN THIS TRAILER. GENDER. FUCKING. ENVY. (RIP Lucius fans...He'll be at the end of S2 Episode 1...probably).

MY HANDSOME WIFE! I fucking love Ed in this trailer so fucking much. If you follow my page, as much as I am an Izzy lover, Stede and Ed are close behind. I love that Ed is clearly heartbroken, and dissatisfied even with the violence he's supposed to love. He's got that Blackbeard mask on tight, and it's not coming off. Also: He looks hot while doing it.

His work wife leaving is probably going to fuck him up more.

I don't think Ed has a TON of screen time, mainly just due to Taika's schedule at the time. But I'm excited to see him sad.

ALSO: Did Ed color the doll so he's wearing a lace bralette? Cause that tummy (at least in this GIF) looks skin-toned. AHHHHH! He would rock that. I just know he'd rock that.

SIDE NOTES:

-HI SPANISH JACKIE/SWEDE- The ship I didn't know I needed till now.

-OLU! I hope you have such a good season, babe. You deserve it. Jim is obviously loving this.

-Frenchie having cat claws makes me so happy.

-WEE JOHN IN DRAG!!!! YEESSSSSSSSS!

I'M HYPED!!!!!!!!!!

#izzy hands #ofmd #edward teach #con oneill #ofmd season 2 #ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd s2 teaser #ofmd s2 #ofmd season 2 spoilers

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oldmanffucker · 7 months

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In my ceramics au, everyone is an artist (stede just bought an art gallery he knows nothing abt running and all his staff are artists and they have staff bonding at Queen Anne clay happy hour one night and this is how stede meets Ed and Izzy) I’m still working through my thoughts abt everyone’s artistic qualities etc but I wanna lay out my artist thought so far:

Jim: experimental contemporary jewelry (pushing the limits of what jewelry is/can be, experimenting with the thwarting facial recognition, and ideas of beauty)

Swede: tooth jewelry

Wee John: fiber artist and handpoke tattooer

Fang: whimsical playful functional pottery (doesn’t necessarily have to be function but often happens to be)

CJ: kitschy crude humor pottery

Stede: handbuilt/slab built ceramics - functional work that has a main focus on formal beauty. Pieces that serve a function but are intentionally made beautiful/ornate enough to stand their own as sculptures too

Ed & Izzy in the present run a pottery business that focuses on production pottery (large scale creation of identical pieces for being sold in stores etc). They make pipes that look like other things (food/objects), mugs/bowls/plates/pour overs that have some splashes of whimsy in a color choice or pattern or shape but are overall not terribly complicated. They are unique tho. they also have the Queen Anne clay storefront that has classes like happy hour clay classes, kids classes etc.

Neither of them focus too terribly much on their own personal art but sculptural non functional personal ceramic work blooms from each of them throughout the fic as stede encourages them to explore things beyond their business/actually feel their feelings.

In college they both were like way into performance art. Ed kinda for fun and bc he loved the physical exertion of it, but Izzy was 100% serious, putting his entire being into every performance for better or for worse. They egged each other on to bigger and bigger pieces and we’re very Marina and Ulay coded. Jack thought it was all stupid and just liked to join in bc he thought it was funny and hot to slap each other for long stretches of time but izzy was frustrated bc he didn’t get it.

Ed’s college art was more multi media (bc adhd yk) but was big on painting as a throughline. His work was big and messy and loud. He liked word working and sculpture and linocut printmaking.

There’s so much more but it would be a multiple page essay if I laid it all out rn.

Buttons: the QAC kiln tech. Loves to sculpt birds from clay.

Frenchie would of course be heavily focused on music but I haven’t settled all the details yet.

Roach obviously food based but again, not all ironed out.

Lucius: drawing, life drawing classes, focus on sensuality, queerness, the body, love

Pete: life model, wood working

Still thinking on the rest.

#ceramics au #ofmd #text post #izzy hands #edward teach #stede bonnet #fic #jim jimenez #buttons ofmd #fang ofmd #wee john feeney #lucius spriggs #black Pete #olu #the Swede #calico jack #frenchie ofmd #roach ofmd

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khruschevshoe · 5 months

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Jim, Olu, and Archie Jimenez (Amnesia fic)

It feels just like a dagger buried deep in your back

You run for cover but you can't escape the second attack

Your soul was innocent, she kissed him and she painted it black

You should have seen your little face, burnin' for love, holdin' on for your life

All that I wanted was a little touch

A little tenderness and truth, I didn't ask for much, no

Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time

-The Killers, Miss Atomic Bomb

Jim swallows as they stare at the wall, eyes burning. They can’t push off Olu and Archie's arms. They don't want to risk waking them up and revealing their vulnerability to them.

So they must endure this. This comfort, this affection, this safety-

Can they have this? Can they have casual affection? Can they live a life where they are allowed to be open, allowed to be soft, a world where they can wear knives strapped to their leg and wear a blue silk jacket? A world where a scabbard can be both a home for their blade and a declaration of love?

A world where they can live with not just one person who loves them, but two?

There is nothing stopping them. No one is keeping them from this possibility.

And yet-

Jim cannot help but hesitate.

How can they let themself let down their barriers? How can they condone themself showing vulnerability when Jackie is still hunting down their face? How can they allow kindness in when it has never kept them safe?

(But most importantly, most horribly, most dangerously: how could they not?)

-aletterinthenameofsanity, when I dream I'll only dream of you (does my memory remain)

This fic has a fucking deathgrip on me. I have reread it at least three times since it came out and I'm halfway through a fourth reread. Amnesia fics just HIT, y'know? Seeing season 1 Jim's POV on a world they where they are happily married and accepted and loved is DEVASTATING in the best possible way. Watching them having to grapple and struggle with the idea that softness and gentleness is something that they can actually have without it being a weakness + them falling for Olu and Archie all over again (plus all the lovely friendship scenes with Lucius, Pete, Izzy, Roach, and the others) actively rewrote my brain chemistry. 10/10.

@polikate @possumsmushroom @yuenity @bricksbloggyplace @ruecrown

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doks-aux · 2 years

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I’ve honestly never multishipped before like I have with Izzy Hands.

I’m very much an OTP kinda creature. I typically have one (1) ship I love and devote my energy to for a pair (or triangle) of characters, maaaybe a second place ship for any one of them, and then a little smattering of ships I think are cute enough to reblog the occasional fanart but don’t invest any time in or seek out content of. (Ex: SuperBat is my OTP, BatCat is a respectable canon runner-up, and then maybe I’ll like some Batjokes or Tritinty throuple art and generally think Bruce tends to fall in love easy.)

But Izzy? Goddamn, who don’t I want him to kiss?* SteddyHands, BellHands, and Fang/Izzy (maybe with Ivan, too) are... Well, no, they’re not even battling it out for first place, they’re all just kind of chilling in the rec room together. I have no idea where Frenchie/Izzy came from, but I’d be interested to learn. Roach/Izzy? Fucking unhinged, let’s see it. I thought I didn’t like Lucius/Izzy, but some fanworks are making me rethink that. I’ve even read Izzy/OC fic. I never do that!

I just. I just want this man to be loved. Someone love him please. Right now.

*Okay, I do have a limit, and it’s Calico Jack, but you get the idea.

#Izzy Hands #Israel Hands #SteddyHands #GentleHands #BlackHands #BellHands #Frenzzy #Ouizzy #i do not know the other ship names #Lucius Spriggs #Roach #Fang #Ivan #shipping #first mate of my heart #Our Flag Means Death #pirates #doc's fandom adventures #doc posts pirates

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dracothelizard · 8 months

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HAPPY OFMD BIG BANG ANNIVERSARY TO MY FIC!

Last year, I signed up for @ofmdbigbang and wrote a 60K Lovecraftian AU. @tealtumbleweed has a masterpost for their art, btw, it's great.

We got the 30th of September 2022 as a posting date, making today the one-year anniversary!

Title: Luctor et Emergo: The Call of Edthulhu (I added 'the' to Call of Edthulhu later on to make it fit better with The Vacation of Edthulhu)

Pairings: Stede/Edthulhu, background Lucius/Pete, background Jim/Oluwande

Summary: Stede pulled a face at that. “Hm, well, I don’t want to do any human sacrifices.”

“Kinda rule number one of being in a cult,” Pete scoffed.

“Ah! Not in this cult!” Stede beamed at him and looked around expectantly. “Remember? What’s our number one rule?”

Roach raised his hand. “Don’t sacrifice my chicken.”

“Not quite number one, but still high up,” Stede replied. “Swede?”

“Stick to the chore schedule?”

“Definitely in the top ten.” There were no more hands, and he sighed. “Come on! If we want to get a good result, we talk about it…”

“As a cult,” the others chorused, some more reluctant than others.

AKA the Lovecraftian AU no one asked for!

In which High Priest Stede struggles with nosy Badmintons, his cultists and the Spanish Inquisition. Meeting Edthulhu makes everything better. Now Stede just has to help the eldritch deity emerge fully into this world. It'll be fine! Probably!

And also, obviously there is tentacle sex ;)

Read on if you want a bit more background/knowledge humankind was not meant to know ooooh AKA slight spoilers for my fic

My initial big bang idea was a canon divergence for ep 8, where Stede and Oluwande would bond over being left behind and the crew would drag them on a terrible pubcrawl to cheer them up. They'd run into Ed and Jim, and obviously there'd be shenanigans. It's still in my WIPs somewhere.

But I got involved in a discussion about Stede as a Lovecraftian cultist to eldritch Ed, and I've played a lot of Call of Cthulhu, a TTRPG. So I thought, oh, maybe Stede and his crew as terrible investigators going after Edthulhu's cult led by High Priest Izzy!

But then I realised that no, the original idea was right. Stede and his crew as terrible cultists vs High Priest Izzy who is very dedicated to Edthulhu.

Outlining and plotting involved going over s1 to see which bits I wanted to take, and how to set them up properly so they'd still work.

I still wanted Stede to have similar character beats to canon, so he gets some growing confidence after besting Izzy before meeting Edthulhu, then grows overconfident when making deals at Spanish Jackie'z and requires Edthulhu to rescue him. Figuring out WTF to do with the hostage plotpoint was fun :p.

Also, spoilers, the Spanish Inquisition turns up (NOBODY EXPECTS THEM!!). But I actually kind of forgot about them while outlining. I thought, okay, I need the deal at Jackie'z to go badly. I need a group of people who can attack cultists, so there's some witchhunting/religious persecuting going on, and I'd like them to be Spanish to go with canon.

So I googled something like 'Spanish witchhunt' and my first result was Spanish Inquisition and I felt really dumb for having forgotten them.

Once Stede and Edthulhu meet, there aren't as many parallels because I had to get them to Atlantis and raise Edthulhu, but obviously Stede and Edthulhu have cute moments, Stede rescues Edthulhu, Jackstur turns up, and Mary and Doug are surprisingly okay with everything!

And then everyone gets to find happiness, including Izzy!

My main takeaway for this year's Big Bang was that I had to plan my writing better, as I was still writing close to my deadline, and that I had to aim for something shorter. And for this year, I succeeded at both those goals!

#ofmd #our flag means death #our flag means fanfic #ed x stede #gentlebeard #Ofmd big bang 2022

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run-me-through-but-not-like-that · 2 years

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Hiii I absolutely love your izzy hands x reader fics and I was wondering if maybe you could do one where the readers a witch or something like that? Maybe Izzy doesn’t believe at first despite the rest of the crew telling him it’s true but the reader eventually proves it to him??? Idk just had the idea pop into my mind randomly!

I left the existence of 'magic' ambiguous. The Reader is more of a modern witch (tarot cards, crystals, sage, that sort of thing) but mixed with the superstitions in the show/of the time.

Izzy Hands x Gn!Witch!Reader:

Honestly, you could be as blatant as you pleased about your superstitious practices. You could read tarot cards out on the deck everyday and Izzy wouldn't suspect you were a witch, assuming it was just you being eccentric like the rest of the crew.

Though, these behaviours became known to him during one conversation when he was reluctantly joining some of the crew at the dining table for a quick meal.

They had started talking about your "otherworldly knowledge" as Buttons had referred to it as.

Izzy had laughed mockingly at their conversation, only causing them to look at him.

"Oh...you don't know?" Roach asked, looking a little surprised.

"Know what?" Izzy had asked the question dismissively, not really caring to engage with the crew.

"Y/n...they're a witch" Black Pete told him with total sincerity. Lucius nodding along, his expression completely serious.

Izzy instantly scoffed, "there's no such thing."

"They are!" the Swede insisted.

"Fine, let's say they are. I thought witches were evil, brought bad luck, thought you believed in all that" Izzy had heard Frenchie's and Buttons' rambling about cats, mermaids, and spirits, and he had assumed at least some of the other crew members believed in those things.

If you were a witch, which you absolutely weren't, they wouldn't let you anywhere near them.

"I do and they are. Thought Y/n would lead us to our deaths but...they're a good witch" Frenchie claimed, being met with an unimpressed look from Izzy.

"It be true. They don't cast curses, they lift them" Buttons informed him.

"You all believe this?" Izzy asked, looking around the table at the other crew members.

Frenchie and Buttons were incredibly superstitious, the others may share some of of those beliefs but they were surely more reasonable that that, even if Izzy didn't want to admit that.

Everyone nodded in agreement. Either they weren't joking or they were very good actors.

"They keep us safe" Oluwande told him.

"Didn't really believe it at first, don't go anywhere without one of their protection charms anymore though" Jim shrugged.

Once again, everyone agreed, this time all showing off their own pendants that they wore.

Izzy hadn't been looking for you when he found you sitting out on the deck one night. Nor had he thought much about you apparently being a 'witch', still not believing it.

He had only approached to ask you 'what the fuck you were doing'. You hadn't been put off by his abrasive approach.

"I'm assessing the ship for curses. Buttons asks that I do it at the end of everyday, just in case."

Izzy scoffed at you, assuming you must have been playing along with their strange prank.

"So, sense any curses?" he was mocking you, you knew that but you didn't care.

A lot of people didn't believe you. Others wanted you dead as soon as they find out. You'd rather him think you were lying than want to throw you overboard.

"No. Everything feels balanced, like everything is right where it's meant to be" you informed him calmly, a peaceful smile on your face.

Something about the way you spoke, the way you looked at him and the words that came from you...it sent a shiver down Izzy's spine.

It turned out that you weren't lying. Izzy caught you sitting out on the deck every night before going to bed. A look of serenity on your face as you...'looked out for curses'...

Despite his disbelief, Izzy found himself curious about you. He'd find himself watching you every now and again.

He watched as you assured Buttons that there were no curses or 'lingering spirits'. He watched how you 'blessed' the ship and the crew. He saw you doing these things when nobody knew he was watching, so it wasn't some act that you were all putting on to mess with him.

Even if it wasn't real, you all believed it.

"Alright so...you're a real witch?" Izzy questioned after managing to catch you alone.

"I sure am" you nodded proudly, knowing he was going to protest in someway.

"Witches, magic, these stupid superstitions aren't real" he sounded like he was scolding you, like you had been practising your craft for years.

"If you put enough belief and power into something, isn't it just a little bit real?" you asked, his words not throwing you off at all.

"So, you admit it, you're not a witch?" Izzy raised an eyebrow, almost like he was watching you out on something.

"Oh, I am. I just believe that belief, or willingness to believe, plays a part in these sort of things" you shrugged.

"What exactly do you do around here?" he questioned.

"Don't worry, I take on the regular ship maintenance chores as the others" you assured him, not letting him accusing you of being lazy. "And some additional...witchy roles" you added honestly, but with a teasing tone.

"Such as?" you weren't sure if he was genuinely curious or just trying to figure out how you were 'wasting time'.

"Well, Buttons insists that I check for curses and lift them should I find them and the crew usually come to be before raids, you know for some sort of protection charm" you told him some of the things you do for the crew but he only scoffed, "you laugh now but when my protection saves your life, you'll be thanking me."

"If you're a witch, aren't you meant to have a fucking cat or something?" Izzy sounded like he was growing frustrated. Maybe he still believed this was an elaborate prank and was reaching at straws to catch you out.

Still, you only laughed. "Actually, I had a cat. And no, they weren't some magic familiar, well...they might have been, not everything can be known to me. It's unfortunate that animals don't live as long as humans" you told him with a sad sigh.

"What the fuck is a witch doing on a pirate ship then?"

"I've always liked the ocean. It's mysterious and powerful, I wished to understand it, to be a part of it. The day after I decided that I wanted to take to water, Stede showed up recruiting a crew for his ship. I suppose you would say that's a coincidence?"

"Obviously...though I'm sure you think it was fate" he said it as if it were ridiculous. So, he didn't believe in fate either.

"Perhaps. Maybe it was a coincidence or just dumb luck" you shrugged. You didn't have answers for everything.

"Sounds like bad luck to me" Izzy muttered.

"You don't believe fate brought you here?" you questioned.

"This is not where I belong, not where Blackbeard should be" he insisted with a scowl.

"If that's true, I'm sure fate will carry you both away soon enough" you assured him, though you didn't think they would be going anywhere anytime soon.

"Sure" he rolled his eyes at you. Still not believing, or not admitting it at least.

The crew was preparing to go on a raid. A real one, now that they had the expertise of Blackbeard and his crew.

You never got involved in raids or fighting, it wasn't your biggest skill. Plus, Stede had asked you to stay behind to watch over them and bring them luck.

You found Izzy alone up on the quarterdeck, watching over the crew as they prepared for the raid.

"I know you don't believe in all of this but you're the only one who didn't come to me for a protection spell" you told him, having just finishing 'blessing' Fang.

"I've been a pirate for a long time, longer than any of this crew. If witches, mermaids, spells, curses, and all that shit were real, I would have seen it" Izzy shook his head at you.

There was no such thing as these superstitions. You could rely on or control blessing and charms, but you could control the way you prepared for a storm, the way you fought against another crew, the way the crew manned the ship. Those were the things that Izzy believed in.

"Maybe you have, you just didn't know what you were looking at" you suggested, "I'm not telling you I can perform miracles, I can't, but I do believe in my little charms, and so do the rest of the crew."

"Why are you telling me this?" Izzy asked, looking at you with a furrowed brow. Like he couldn't understand why you were talking to him.

"I performed a spell of protection in your honour, to ensure your safe return. I imagined you wouldn't wear a charm but if you want one, I already have it made, just need to charm it" you offered with a smile. He wanted to scoff but didn't. It was weirdly...nice, that you had thought about him, had considered his safe return.

"Here" you leant in, pressing a quick kiss to the little tattoo on his cheek before he could pull away. "Just to make sure it sticks" you explained, taking a step back.

The tiny action surprised Izzy, his jaw tensing and face flushing slightly. No, he wasn't flustered, of course he wasn't.

"That how you seal all you're...spells?" he asked, clearing his throat, trying to find an excuse for your actions.

"No, that's just for you" you gave him a genuine smile before leaving to check in with everyone and their preparations.

Leaving Izzy even more flustered than before.

#izzy hands x reader #izzy hands #ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd izzy

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ginzburgjake · 2 years

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HOOOO BOY LETS GO—

so for the last month I’ve been severely plagued by the idea of a space pirate/android au, and here’s what I’ve managed to come up with, which is a rant accompanied by sketches :)

The setting is vaguely futuristic. “The Revenge”, a custom ship with solar sails, is captained by a wannabe space pirate Stede Bonnet fleeting from his past. His crew consists of both humans and androids, who are free to fall in love without prejudice and harassment. Lucius (lu-spr199s) is a construction designer robot who instead chose drawing dicks and polyamory as his hobbies (both not programmed by his initial settings). Pete is just some guy engineer who conveniently likes the ideas of 1) polyamory and 2) having his dick drawn.

Jim (cuz I’m tired of the alien/robot/eldritch god enby sterotype) is a human. They are a street kid, good with tech and violence, very agile and competitive. Frenchie (fr3nn4) is a tad glitchy. He stutters, stumbles over words, makes repetitive motions and sometimes gets distracted/spaces out. Yes I made him into an autistic android. No I will not take criticisms. Others that I might sketch later are as such: Roach, Oluwande, The Swede are androids. Ivan, Fang, Wee John are humans. No one knows what the fuck Buttons is.

I imagine Stede’s ship to look something like this (not my artwork sry):

On the other hand, there is “Queen Anne”, ruled by the most wanted man this side of the galaxy, Edward Teach. His First Mate, Izzy (iz-1701), is a former battle android that was set out to be deconstructed after four decades of missions. Ed accidentally acquired him when raiding a transporting vessel, and Izzy has been in his service for ten years now. He completes logs and maintenance around the ship and also fixes himself up when needed (although it’s becoming increasingly difficult due to the age of his model — the company stopped producing details for him long ago).

And this is how I approximately see Queen Anne, inspired by the concepts of Nemo’s Nautilus:

In the wake of Stede’s crushing into their lives, Izzy struggles with overcoming his programming and breaking the three laws of Azimov: do not harm a human being, do not resist orders, protect own existence if it’s not against the first two rules. Stede, meanwhile, also has some skeletons in his closet that are bound to be discovered. And Ed is just along for the ride.

Will Izzy finally admit to having emotions? Will Ed stop perceiving him as a mere object and not a person with opinions? Will Stede help bring about the necessary changes and insights?? *whispers* remains to be seen…

Also if you want to have a grasp on what inspired this idea and what I see this au’s Izzy as, listen to The Hoosiers’ “Goodbye Mr A”. I think it captures the essence of Izzy’s internal conflict quite well. Also also, I have some plot ideas but I am seemingly unable to sit down and write a cohesive multi-chapter fic, so bear with me as I post updates to this insanity :>

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ourflagmeansgayrights · 1 year

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so like. gotta preface this by saying that i DONT ship steddyhands. but ages and ages there were a whole buncha posts (proabably more than those three) where i jokingly whined abt how all the steddyhands content i see gets stede's characterization wrong. and out of silly, petty, joking, well-meaning spite over a harmless fandom disagreement i was like "im going to write my own summary of a steddyhands fic of how it SHOULD go." but then bc i do not like izzy and i do not care about this ship i forgot about it for a long ass time. but i was clearing out my drafts and slapped a few more paragraphs onto it and now here's this fucking monster

this is by no means a completed fic. but by god is it way longer than any fucking summary should be. like it's literally 5k. this is a 5k summary of what would probably be like a 100k fic. someone kill me

———

so for starters, this would have to be THE SLOWEST of burns (and there's no way i'd put that much time and effort into a fic for a ship i don't even like, so that's why this post is all i'm gonna write). izzy has to go through so much change before stede would even think about izzy as anything more than "that asshole that ed keeps around for some reason" (and also before im comfortable with ed being vulnerable around izzy haha "i shouldve let the english kill you" conversation my detested)

izzy would have been in love with ed since they met (but he doesn't know it). he doesn't even let himself admit he's attracted to him. ed always knew that izzy was interested, but he didn't want to be wanted the way izzy wanted him (he's not gonna be izzy's daddy dom, basically). stede and the gang have stolen a new ship and have been chasing them down. meanwhile, the vibe on the Revenge has been mostly just... sad. not gratuitously violent or a living nightmare. they do raids and stuff, but everyone still surrenders at the sight of blackbeard's flag and ed is bored. he sits in his room either crying or drinking. the rest of the crew do normal boat stuff. izzy is like... aware that the energy is low. but he has no idea what to do about it so he pretends everything is fine.

so the story starts at the reunion. stede and his gang finally catch up to the Revenge while ed and his crew are getting their asses handed to them by some european navy ship, the french or spanish or something idc. stede's crew is able to turn the tide of the battle. in the middle of all the chaos, stede and izzy run into each other. stede demands to know where ed is, izzy says ed doesn't want to see him. they fight, both physically and verbally. lotta insults are thrown on both sides while they wave swords at each other. at some point they have their swords crossed and faces close, glaring and growling homoerotically at each other, but then they hear ed shout in pain. he gets shot or stabbed or something, and instantly izzy and stede are both working in sync together to save him. stede uses his new sailor muscles to carry ed while izzy clears a path to get back to the Revenge. ed, barely holding onto consciousness and delirious from blood loss, sees stede for the first time and is like, "you came back..." stede, of course, replies, "never left." ed laughs and calls him a liar. izzy is dying inside.

they get ed and everyone else back onto the Revenge, the crew reunites, lucius is alive, roach stabilizes ed's condition.

while ed is unconscious (which lasts like 2 or 3 days), it's unclear who is running the ship. izzy is ed's first mate, but stede's crew outnumbers ed's. the crew tries really hard to get stede to just throw izzy overboard, but jim (who's struck a weird friendship with izzy since the marooning where all they do is practice fighting and never talk abt their feelings ever), is like, "ed might be mad if he wakes up and we killed his first mate." and stede (even though it's clear that he also kind of wants to throw izzy overboard), is like, "ugh, i suppose jim is right... and he did help me save ed. let's wait for ed to wake up first before we make any rash decisions."

so izzy, realizing how precarious his situation is on the ship (and realizing that if ed wakes up and wants nothing to do with him, he's doomed), starts acting like a cornered rat, hissing and spitting at everyone all the time (except for jim, who keeps training with izzy in stoic silence). he's especially harsh to stede, talking abt how much ed doesn't want to see his face and insulting stede's masculinity and trying to get stede to leave before ed wakes up. stede snaps back a little bit, but mostly he just rolls his eyes and ignores him bc he's just focused on worrying abt ed. stede spends the nights sleeping in a chair next to ed. izzy tries to sneak into the cabin at night to kill stede at some point, but jim stops him and reminds him that everyone is just looking for an excuse to chuck him overboard

when ed wakes up, he and stede kiss and make up. stede initiates family therapy where the whole crew and ed air out their feelings about the marooning and have a heart to heart. touching dialogue is had. izzy is in the corner glaring and scowling and also freaking the fuck out the whole time, but he doesn't say anything. eventually the crew heads out to go. do pirate stuff idk. and then ed asks for stede and izzy to stay for a second.

he thanks izzy for saving him, then he's like, "listen izzy, we both know that this hardly the first time you've saved my life. you and i go way back. we were good mates once. do you think we could be mates again?" and izzy, through gritted teeth, watching stede out of the corner of his eye, is like. sure, boss. whatever you say. and ed is like "i want you two to get along. you're both important to me," and stede and izzy (glaring daggers at each other) are like. okay.

then ed is like "okay now just izzy alone" and stede is like "are you sure?" but eventually ed gets him to leave. and then ed gets more serious and he's like "izzy. if you kill stede. you will never see me again" and izzy is like "youre not gonna feed me more toes?"

and ed is like "no. i will leave you at the next dock. and then i will burn the whole world down. i will bring hellfire straight to london and wage war on that shithole of a country. i'll slaughter every naval soldier who tries to cut me down. and when im finally overrun, i will go down in a blaze of glory so spectacular that they'll tell stories of it for years to come, until the sun burns out at the end of the world. and you will have no part in it. you will be stuck on some tiny island here on the other side of the world and nobody will know or care who you are. that's what's going to happen if you do anything to stede."

izzy is shaking. he's like. alright. anything else? and ed's like "yeah. i'm sorry about your toe. won't happen again." and that actually makes izzy almost cry. that there's nothing he can do to make ed look at him like that again, all attention on him, putting him in his place. there's nothing he can take from ed to make ed pay attention to him. if he wants to be close to ed, he has to give something to him. something less tangible than his own toe.

(and izzy thinks what he gives to ed is his sword and his undying loyalty to his captain, to blackbeard. he doesn't understand, just yet, that ed already has a sword, and that ed doesn't want loyalty to blackbeard. izzy doesn't get that giving ed a break is more than enough for ed to want to keep anyone around)

so yeah. this threat works. izzy gives up on trying to kill stede.

so ed is still in recovery for like a month. he's not able to move around a lot, so he's just kinda lounging around the Revenge being grossly in love with stede. he's always in a robe + leather pants combo, tits out and vibing. the crew raids some ships, including a naval vessel that was caught off guard. ed doesn't go on the raids, obviously, and stede stays behind with him, and the rest of the crew members don't trust izzy enough to let him join them. the crew pull off a bunch of weird fuckeries and have some very successful raids, but every time they come back with furniture and books and fabric and stuff, izzy rolls his eyes and grumbles some shit about "real pirating."

during all of this, izzy keeps trying to get ed alone. his new strategy is to try and be buddy-buddy with ed and peer pressuring him into tough masculine pirate violence (which always worked for jack whenever he came around), and also just hope ed gets bored of stede. but stede is like, at ed's side 24/7. the only time that ed is alone is when he's taking naps in the captain's cabin (bc again, he's recovering from Ambiguous Wound With Vague And Innaccurate Medical Properties), and stede literally makes ppl guard the door to let ed sleep. when izzy runs into stede alone, stede tries to initiate friendly conversation for ed's sake, but eventually izzy says some shit like, "i've been by ed's side for years before you, and i'll be by his side for years after. he'll get bored of you, eventually." and also he insults stede's masculinity a bunch, obvi. stede just sighs and is like, "well, i tried," and then he just gives izzy the cold shoulder from then on out

one of the nights when he's training with jim, izzy just keeps getting his ass handed to him and eventually jim is like "goddamn, i get your heart is broken but you're really sloppy tonight" and izzy is like. WHAT. how dare you. i don't have feelings. and jim is like "buddy you haven't slept in a week." and izzy's like "how can i sleep when everyone on this fucking ship wants to kill me!" and jim's like, "i don't want to kill you." izzy rolls his eyes but he's like "thanks," then jim's like "yknow, if you stopped being such a dick they'd probably stop wanting to kill you" and izzy is like "oh so i should just do what all you guys do? sit around braiding each other's hair and having group therapy sessions and spilling my guts to everyone while i'm all wrapped up in a silk gown?" and jim is like. "buddy, do you see me spilling my guts in group therapy or wearing a silk gown?" and izzy's like, "okay, but you're not like the rest of them." and jim's like "you're right, i'm not. just like lucius isn't like the rest of them. or how the swede isn't like the rest of them. or fang, or ivan, or frenchie, or anyone else on this ship. we're all different people, man. we don't have a problem with differences. we have a problem with people who do have a problem with differences." izzy is like "the fuck does that mean." jim is like "yeah, i can tell you're gonna have a hard time wrapping your head around that one, so im just gonna go to bed now. same time tomorrow?"

the next night, ed doesn't come up with stede to listen to the bedtime story. while stede is distracted, izzy sneaks downstairs to finally talk to ed alone. ed is like. trying to prepare some kind of horny surprise for stede (lingerie, probably. something that's kinda feminine), so we get that avatar scene where zuko goes to talk to sokka and sokka thinks suki is the one who entered the tent (only ed is like, almost entirely naked and in the middle of prepping himself), and ed greets izzy like, "oh babe, you're back early! i was going to surprise you, but you can come here and help me finish getting ready~" or some shit idk. izzy is incapable of human speech for several seconds, and when ed realizes that this is not stede he very nearly dies of embarrassment. he covers himself up while izzy is just. choking on air. overcome with rage/lust/jealousy at the sight. he stands behind a chair to hide his absolutely raging boner

when ed's got one of stede's robes on he's like. haha. heyyyy buddy. haven't seen you around much. how have things been? and izzy is like. things have been great. super. im trapped on a boat full of people that want to kill me. ed is like, oh no, they're still going on about the killing you thing? maybe we should have stede mediate another group therapy session, i know laying everything out in the open really helped me get—

and izzy cuts him off like "how the fuck are you falling for this?" ed is like. "?" izzy continues, "you're letting everyone see you at your weakest! they're going to kill you!" ed is like ok they could've done that literally at any point while i was feverish in bed. or at any point since then, really, i'm not exactly at the top of my game right now. izzy's like, "they're gonna turn you in for a bounty!" ed is like bro they literally had the opportunity when we raided that british naval ship two days ago. izzy just starts working himself up into a frenzy while ed is like, calmly pointing out where izzy's logic is flawed, until eventually izzy says some demeaning shit about ed's masculinity, and ed's face cracks for a moment, then suddenly stede (back from storytime) literally APPEARS FROM NOWHERE and just. DECKS izzy. wrecks the little man's ENTIRE shit. breaks his fucking nose.

izzy is like. in shock. so is ed actually. (both of them are also. very turned on.) and stede is like "i've let you say this shit about me. but you do not get to say that shit to ed" (but like, better written and more in character, lol). stede then gives a whole speech where he is just letting out every bottled up response to all of izzy's insults for the past few weeks, talking abt "how dare you speak to ed that way, the only reason you're alive is because ed somehow still has fondness for you, even though you've done nothing to earn that fondness. if you really knew ed as well as you say you do, you should be happy to see ed opening up and becoming more comfortable with himself and his crew. ed enjoying fine things doesn't make him less of a pirate, he's still just as much the brilliant sailor he's always been. even now, while ed is recovering from his wound, he's been helping the crew read the weather and predict storms and plan raids, and all you've been doing is sulking around and making everyone miserable! i'm not going to have my men kill you, izzy, because ed still, for some reason, cares about you, but if you don't stop being such a prick, you can get the fuck off my ship the next time we head to port. now if you'd kindly fuck the hell off, im going to make love to my co-captain, who looks really good in that lingerie."

izzy leaves. is having a hard time having coherent thoughts. by chance he runs into jim, who's like, "hope you're ready to put up a better fight than you did last ni-hooooly shit what happened to your face?" and izzy is like. what? and jim's like "bro im getting roach stay here." and izzy just sits in the rec room (or wherever they are) until jim comes back with a very sleepy-looking roach, who takes one look at izzy's face and bursts out laughing. that's enough to get izzy to stop staring blankly, and he tries to snarl at roach, except that when he moves his face it hurts like fucking hell. and roach is like, "alright, alright, hoo boy! wish i could've seen whatever caused this." then he's like, "so i need to pop your nose back into place. it's gonna hurt like hell though, so i should probably go get some laudanum–" and izzy's like "no it's fine just do it." and jim's eyebrows raise and roach is like, "uh... are you sure?" and izzy's like "just fucking do it!"

so roach does and izzy screams through gritted teeth. then roach cleans his nose with rum or something, bandages it, gives izzy the rest of the booze, and goes back to bed, leaving jim and izzy there alone. izzy starts drinking. jim sits next to him and holds their hand out for the bottle, and then the two of them just drink in silence until the bottle is gone. then they go to bed without saying anything.

then izzy proceeds to have The Most Confusing Wet Dream Of His Entire Goddamn Life. he keeps seeing ed in lingerie, stede's face twisted in righteous anger, random flashes of stede fucking ed, izzy fucking ed in the lingerie, izzy wearing the lingerie and getting fucked by stede, izzy calling stede daddy, stede and ed fully clothed asking izzy to talk about his feelings, stede slapping izzy and spitting into his mouth.

izzy wakes up with the worst case of morning wood he's ever had in his life. he proceeds to have a very frantic masturbation session. as he's laying there afterwards, he keeps thinking abt ed in lingerie and stede breaking his nose. and he absolutely cannot wrap his head around the fact that ed bottoms. this is also the first time izzy's ever consciously thought about having sex with ed. he's literally been so repressed that for years he would just jack off to like, remembering the smell of booze in ed's beard or some pathetic shit like that. he'd think about, like, fighting with ed and getting pinned down and being totally at ed's mercy. but now when he thinks of those old fantasies, instead of ed pinning him down, it's stede?????

izzy stays in bed the whole day. nobody comes to check on him. he hears the sound of the crew going about their day, stede's voice calling out commands on the deck. he jerks off again at some point in the afternoon. night falls. he can't make out the words, but he can tell from the cadence of stede's voice at what point he starts reading to the crew, and at what point they all go to sleep. he waits for ten more minutes to pass, then he heads to the galley to get food.

jim is waiting literally right outside his door. izzy is not spooked at all (this is a lie).

jim's like "hey man, we never got to spar last night. let's go." izzy's like, "i haven't eaten anything all day." and jim's like, "so you're saying you can't take me?" and izzy snorts and follows them to go practice murdering people

jim very much goes easy on izzy, but izzy is too hungry and tired and confused (and horny) to care. they fight or whatever, jim wins every round, then they're like "man im starving, let's get a snack." the two of them go get food. after a while, jim's like, "so, what'd you say to piss stede off so bad?" and izzy's like, "how did you know it was him?" and jim laughs and says, "the knuckles on his right hand were bandaged up today, and he didn't seem too worried about you spending all day hiding in your room."

izzy takes a long drink and doesn't respond for a while. then he says, "you're dating the guy with the hat, right?" jim's like, "i'm the guy with the hat." and izzy's like, "you're a guy?" and jim goes, "ehh..." and tilts their hand side to side. izzy, deciding to move on, is like, "i mean the one with the orange hat. and the blue earring." and jim's like, "it's teal." izzy's like, "whatever." and jim's like, "yeah, we're dating. why?" izzy takes a minute before asking, "what do you like about him?" and jim is jokingly like, "dude, the whole reason i hang out with you is so i don't have to talk about feelings" and izzy, instead of laughing with them like he usually would, just kinda snaps, "would you just answer the question?" jim looks at his face for a long moment, assessing, then says, "i like that olu's kind. he cares about people so easily, i don't know how he does it. he's patient with me, even when i'm being difficult. he tells me when he's upset, but not in a mean way, just in a, like, 'i don't want to be mad at you, help me fix this' way. he can be really clingy sometimes, but he'll hold himself back if i ever need space. he just... accepts me. all of me. even the parts i don't accept."

and izzy is like. staring into space. and after a second jim says, "also he does this thing with his tongue where he–" and izzy is like "OKAY THAT'S ENOUGH THANKS." jim laughs at him a little bit. and after another long pause izzy's like, "you know they almost made him captain?" and jim smirks and is like, "yeah, i heard about that. when they almost threw you overboard?" and izzy's like "yeah. then." and jim says, "yeah, i'm not really surprised. like i said, he's good at caring for people. he'd make a pretty good captain." and izzy's like, "are you mad that he's not captain?" and jim shrugs and is like, "eh, i'm not one for politics." but izzy presses, like, "but he'd be in charge of the whole ship. he'd be the one telling everyone what to do. he'd have all the power here!" and jim's like, "hey man, i don't really give two shits about 'power.' im just trying to get by in this world. all i want is to hang out with my partner, throw knives at stuff, and sometimes watch my crew put on talent shows." and izzy, getting kind of frustrated, is like, "but doesn't it bother you that he's weak?"

before izzy realizes, jim has a knife against his throat and is glaring directly into his eyes. "i let you say a lot of shit to me, pendejo," they growl, "i let you talk shit about this crew, about my captain, about how none of my friends are real pirates. but you do not get to tell me that olu is weak." izzy's eyes are wide at first, but when jim finishes, he snorts and says, "look, he's not as bad as lucius or stede-" but jim cuts him off. "there's more to strength than having power," jim says. "there's more to being strong than just making everyone afraid of you. and whatever it is that you think makes stede and lucius weak" and izzy is like "i fucking knew you'd turn on me too. now everyone on this stupid fucking ship wants to kill me" and jim just gives him the flattest, most unimpressed look before just walking away. they say "get over yourself, izzy" as they go.

izzy goes to bed. has another wet dream. and when he wakes up he's like. fine. fucking fine. i'll try and find some way to live on this stupid fucking clown ship full of shitty pirates.

he apologizes to jim. jim just stares blankly and walks away, but then later is like "we're gonna spar tonight, right?" so izzy knows he's forgiven. he gives the most uncomfortable, gritted apology of his life to stede, and stede's like "oh, it's not me you need to apologize to. go speak to my co-captain." so izzy goes to the captain's cabin and ed is in his usual leathers and izzy is like. trying so hard to make himself apologize but he can't get the words out and eventually ed's like "it's fine, mate. i'll tell stede you apologized, okay?" and izzy's like. alright. thanks. and ed's like "you did kind of have a point, about if the crew wanted to mutiny" and izzy perks up like yes we're going to start running this ship the way real pirates do but then ed is like "yeah, stede wouldn't stand a chance. im still recovering, can you give stede sword lessons for me?"

izzy. does not want to give stede sword lessons. but ed's like "alright i guess i'll tell stede you didn't really apologize and you can get off at the next port. or you can just apologize for real." and izzy really has to think about it but eventually he's like. fine. i'll train your stupid fucking boyfriend.

ed watches for the first half hour of their first training session but someone's gotta captain the ship so from then on out it's just stede and izzy sword fighting in the jam room for a couple hours a day. this leads to angry sexual tension that builds and builds until they angrily make out. and stede is like freaked out bc he loves ed and he would never be unfaithful so he of course goes to ed and tells him about it thinking ed is gonna be heartbroken. but ed is like "i mean, it doesnt really sound like you want the same thing with him tho?" and i guess ed is like "wait if you top izzy i think that'd be kinda funny actually. also that sounds pretty hot. do you wanna top izzy? can i watch?"

so next time they do sword fighting practice ed watches and it escalates to horny shit and then when izzy's like trying really hard to hide his boner, stede is like "what do you say, darling?" and ed is like "pop the question, babe." and then they ask izzy if he'd be okay with stede fucking him while ed watches. izzy tries to bluster his way out of it but then ed is like "damn, was looking forward to it" and izzy is like. ok. fucking. fine.

and then it's really hot and everyone's into it. izzy hates that he's into it but for several days he keeps coming back for more (he tells himself he's only doing it bc it's the only time ed pays any attention to him but like... it's not just that). they do that for like a week or a week and a half. ed gives commentary the whole time, mostly just talking about how hot stede looks. the most he ever says about izzy is stuff like "yeah izzy doesnt he feel so good stretching you out" or whatever

until one day while stede's fucking izzy ed says some shit about "who's the namby pamby now?" and then stede freezes and is like. ed. did izzy say that to you? and ed is like uhhhhhhhhhh maybe? and then stede pulls out of izzy and is like "get the fuck away from him" and izzy (who was having a fantastic time) is like "daddy no" and stede is like "i am not joking get the FUCK out"

and idk. ed tells stede about izzy threatening to kill him while he was heartbroken over stede. and stede is SO fucking mad. maybe stede didnt even know abt the robe era he just thought ed came back to the revenge and went full kraken right away. and this actually makes stede feel more guilty abt leaving bc the thought of ed crying in a blanket fort and eating all his marmalade because he hurt him is even worse than thinking ed just got angry and painted his face. and the fact that izzy said that shit to ed while he was heartbroken like that makes stede SO fucking angry.

and then stede's anger makes ed realize that actually that was really fucked up and he actually finally tells stede about the toe thing and stede is like "i wouldve done the same!!" and they cry together. and then stede and ed dont talk to izzy for weeks and ed starts to emotionally heal from all that. he had stopped wearing stede's robes after the night izzy walked in on him fingering himself but he starts wearing them again. and then he starts actually trying to form a cohesive Look and they steal fancy clothes for ed now and stede pampers ed and takes care of him and ed gets to relax and not worry about people depending on him or on how people perceive him. and he and stede together get to be more confident in themselves than theyve felt in forever

and in the meantime i guess izzy just starts acting like a normal crew member and he very much hates it and the crew is very much giving him shit (someone makes him swab the deck through the entire night) and he wants to be mean to them so fucking bad but like, he knows one wrong move and he's off the boat forever and he doesn't want that. so idk i guess eventually the crew lays off him and invites him to sit and drink with them and stuff. izzy doesn't really get any of them, but jim will sit down next to him and drink next to him and izzy decides that actually maybe this crew isn't entirely useless. they still get on his nerves tho

then one night crew is also like "so uh... why are the captains not fucking you anymore" and izzy's like "YOU KNEW??" and theyre like "buddy you were SO loud. we all heard you call stede daddy" and izzy actually almost has a panic attack but idk someone (lucius?) is like "dude nobody is judging you. it's okay."

and izzy realizes theyre right. nobody is judging him. they want gossipy details but they don't actually care. and that's a big "oh" moment, that he could do things the wrong way (get fucked by someone less masculine than him, maybe even talk about his feelings) and these people wont judge him for it. so izzy gives them a very censored version that basically boils down to "they remembered what an asshole i am and they want nothing to do with me. and they're right"

and uhhhh maybe izzy and lucius hook up too. and then izzy starts crying after and lucius is like "oh god what's wrong" and izzy's like "i miss them. i miss ed. i miss bonnet. why the fuck do i miss bonnet??" and lucius is like "aww did izzy the spewer catch feelings?" and izzy's like "fuck. fuck. i fucking did jesus fuck." he also admits to himself finally that he's been in love with ed for years. (the feelings izzy thinks he has for stede are just His Cock Feels Really Good In My Ass)

and. idk. i guess weeks after all this character development has happened for ed and izzy and stede, izzy jumps in front of a bullet for stede. which leads to stede and ed both thanking him when he wakes up. which leads to izzy apologizing to ed and being like "you dont have to forgive me." and i dont think ed totally accepts the apology but he and stede do start talking to izzy again. ed more than stede maybe. i think stede is a huge prick to izzy and izzy sometimes snaps back but mostly he just sighs because like, yeah. that's fair.

and then i think ed and izzy happen first this time like i think they're reminiscing about old times and ed is like "do you realize how unhappy i was though?" and izzy is like "i didnt before, but i can see it now. you look younger than you have in years. i'm glad you found someone who knows how to love you better than i do" and ed's like wait WHAT. and izzy's like "? what?" and ed's like "you love me??" and izzy's like "yes?? obviously?????" and ed's like "i thought you just wanted me to fuck you!!!" and izzy's like "i mean THAT TOO" and ed's like "do you still love me??" and izzy's like "god only knows why, but yes! obviously!" and then ed asks "do you still want me to fuck you?" and izzy's like "yknow, that's actually a harder one to answer! i dont really know!! i just know that i love you and youre hot!"

And Then They Make Out

and this one is a harder convo for ed and stede to have, not because of the infidelity but stede is like "you remember how he hurt you though?" and ed's like yeah. and im not ever gonna forget that. but i think i can move past it. and stede's like okay fine but i have one condition. he has to watch you bottom for me first

so they do that. bc stede is like "i need izzy to know that the way we make love doesnt make you any less of a man." and izzy is into it obviously, this is not how he ever imagined ed would enjoy sex but he can't deny that ed looks good, and suddenly the "you look younger than you have in years" makes sense. like he can tell ed is loving this and suddenly trying to connect this man with the version of Sexy Blackbeard that izzy was pining after for years just doesn't make sense. izzy can no longer picture ed doing hardcore kinky bdsm dom shit to him.

also izzy's been on the receiving end of stede's dick so he's like, yeah, i get it. but then weirdly even tho this was supposed to be about izzy accepting that ed doesnt want to be the aggressive daddy dom izzy always wanted him to be, izzy (who is first and foremost a huge bottom and the world's biggest sub) is looking at how good ed feels and all he can think is i want stede bonnet in my mouth so fucking bad oh my god.

and then he's not looking at ed at all he's just looking at stede and is like oh shit oh shit oh shit. and ed nuts first and when stede pulls out izzy is right there like "please please please finish in my mouth please daddy" (<- sentences that killed me to write). and stede and ed are both like. oh.

this leads to them falling back into something like their original arrangement where stede and izzy are hate-fucking except now ed is getting in on the action. so like the sex dynamic is that usually ed is either being a pillow princess or a power bottom for stede, izzy is a bratty sub to stede, stede is a service top for ed and a daddy dom for izzy, and then ed and izzy trade handies or oral or whatever when it's all three of them. sometimes stede and izzy team up to pamper ed, or stede and ed team up to torment izzy. ed and izzy by themselves usually dont do anal but when they do izzy usually tops. ed and izzy having sex isn't the sappy passionate lovemaking of ed and stede but it is still very sweet. these sex dynamics aren't set rules or anything, sometimes ed tops stede and sometimes izzy isnt being quite so submissive and etc etc, but that's usually the vibe. ed never doms izzy tho.

as for the emotional dynamic. ed and stede are in love obviously, we all watched the show. with izzy and ed, i dont think ed is in love with izzy at first but he falls into it gradually. stede is maybe a little jealous of this at first but 1. he cant deny anything from ed and if ed loves izzy then fine, ed can love izzy, and 2. he can see that it happens in a different way than how ed loves stede, so he eventually gets over it. and then with stede and izzy it's basically just this post i made where one day while they're fucking it suddenly out of nowhere gets really soft (ed is sitting out for this one but he's there watching) and afterwards stede and izzy are both so mad about being in love. theyre angry at themselves and then they play chicken about it until stede gets injured and izzy says i love you and that completes the steddyhands injurty trifecta so i guess that means the story ends and i'm freed from this post and i can finally get it out of my fucking drafts. jesus fucking christ.

#ofmd #our flag means death #our flag means gay #ofmd fic #steddyhands #izzy hands #dizzy izzy #stede bonnet #stede fucking bonnet #edward teach #edward teach born on a beach #steddy hands #anyway. i hope this is the last time i make a post talking about how izzy would get together with ed and/or stede #txt #mine #og #my fic #for the record. the mischaracterization of stede is not my only issue w steddyhands #but it's the least important issue i have. mischaracterizing stede to be nice to izzy is annoying to me personally but it's not harmful #guys i rlly just. dont like izzy at all actually.#i love to study him like a bug. and this post was a fun exercise in trying to make him get better without completely breaking his character #also sorry abt casually throwing the daddy kink in there i just had to bully izzy with it #if that's not ur thing imagine him saying something else idk.

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izzy-b-hands · 1 year

Text

There’s a moment or two of gentlebeard in this, but tbh? it’s v in the background bc the main focus is everyone realising that Ed does in fact miss Jack (we’re setting this past the Big Reunion Point, all of that has been squared away by this fic kdlfjsakj) and

That he might not be dead.

So of course they’ll need to go look, just in case, and ask around, bc even if he is dead, Ed deserves to know for sure, to grieve properly (even if he and Jack were pissed at each other at the time of Jack’s potential death, there are still Feelings, ya know?)

Happy ending with new crewmates being added to the team though!

Genuinely, this is all the best I can describe this. I entered a fugue state of some sort while writing this, I swear skfjdklafj.

---

“I’m not bothered by it,” Ed insists.

Multiple times.

Without being asked about Jack or anything in regards to Jack at all.

“He’s definitely not actually okay with it, is he?” Olu suggests, after the captains have gone to bed.

“No,” Izzy replies from where he’s wedged between Roach and Frenchie. “But I figured it would be best if I didn’t say anything, this time around.”

“You’ve known this whole time-”

“Look, what has being vocal gotten me in the last few months?” Izzy interrupts. “Would you be so eager to speak up and mention that your captain seems affected by the death of a...”

He frowns. “Jack was a lot of things.”

“Is he dead though?” Frenchie asks. “Like, I’m thinking about it now. Did anyone really check?”

Silence, minds churning away.

“I don’t recall that any of us saw his body,” Roach says slowly. “But he can’t have survived that.”

“Can’t he have? Would it shock anyone if he did?” Frenchie continues. “I say we keep an eye out for him first. Ask around at the next few ports, ask anyone we raid, anywhere we stop, we check.”

“Not a bad idea,” Izzy nods. “Worst case, he really is dead, and we can deal with that once we have it confirmed.”

They all lay back down to sleep, but no one actually sleeps.

There’s too much to wonder about in how even Calico Jack might have survived a cannonball to the gut.

“But have you actually seen him?” Izzy asks Jackie softly. “In the flesh?”

“How the fuck else would I see a person, but also,” Jackie replies. “I don’t like what that phrasing implies. I didn’t like him that way. Love the money he spent here, but otherwise?”

“No, I know,” Izzy says. “Just...it’s for Ed. We need to know for sure.”

“I can put word out,” Jackie nods. “He owe anything to Ed?”

“No, it isn’t like that. He just wants to know...to know for sure, if Jack is dead or not.”

“Most emotional ship on the water,” Jackie rolls her eyes.

“It isn’t the worst thing.”

“It isn’t, but I don’t allow crying in here. One person goes, then someone else asks why, they hear it and start crying, then I got a whole fucking thing on my hands,” she continues. “You know my rules. No exceptions, not even for Blackbeard.”

“Fair enough. You’ll write me if you hear anything then?”

“About all I can do, unless you want us to take him hostage, hold him here, and then write you so you can come here and see him yourself.”

Izzy ponders it. “That would work too.”

“Consider it done. If he isn’t dead, and if he isn’t weirdly greasy like last time.”

“Did you ever find out what he had all over himself?”

Jackie shakes her head, a grave look on her face. “And now, I don’t wanna know. Better not to know.”

Izzy nods, and thinks how ridiculous it is he almost misses those antics of Jack’s.

Almost.

“So, he did look like Jack?” Jim asks. “The guy you saw swimming near here?”

Their Nana nods. “Based on this lovely sketch-”

“Thank you,” Lucius interjects. “That’s from memory, by the way.”

“Really? What else do you draw?”

“Well-”

“This isn’t what we’re here for,” Jim cuts him off with huff. “If you see him again, write me.”

“I can do that. And in the meantime-”

“Yes, Roach is trying the cake recipe,” Jim sighs. “I promise. He said he’ll write to you if he runs into any issues, though I don’t know what fucking good that does-”

“Tell him to write anyway, I want to hear how it goes no matter what. Now, back to this young man with the talented hands: could I bother you to sketch my Jim before you go back to the ship?”

“I really don’t care,” Ed scoffs. “But the concern is appreciated.”

“Hm,” Stede remarks. “So, what are we naming the new kittens that Fang rescued?”

“Jerry, Jemaine, Jaclyn, Jack-” Ed pauses. “Okay, so I have been the one naming them all, but the names are a coincidence.”

“Look, I have to be honest,” Stede sits by Ed on their newest stolen couch. A nice yellow, but not overly bright, satin. “I didn’t care for him.”

“You don’t fucking say? I’d never have guessed it,” Ed smiles.

“But, that said...even if we don’t care for someone, when they die-”

“I think I know that,” Ed interjects. “That even if you didn’t love everything about them, even if you were really fucking mad at them by the time they died, you can still miss them and think hey, Jack would have loved those kittens, and-”

Ed stands.

“Ed?”

“M’good,” Ed grunts, but he won’t look at Stede.

“Did he like cats? I figured he was more of a dog person,” Stede continues softly.

Ed drops back down beside him, and into his arms. “He liked all animals, even fucking snakes. He used to get rid of them for me, and I took care of spiders for him.”

“Scared of them?”

“He’d kill me if I told you, but yeah. Not a lot, just enough that he didn’t want to touch them if he didn’t have to,” Ed replies. “Fuck.”

“Maybe I’d like him better if I knew more about him.”

There’s a beat before Ed laughs. “You almost said that like you meant it.”

“I do! Kind of,” Stede mumbles. “I’m sure he was...okay, sometimes.”

Ed’s crying, but laughing as he does. “You’ve got to stop; you’re killing me.”

“I’m trying!”

“I know; I appreciate it,” Ed wipes away tears. “This is really fucking confusing for me, this moment.”

“Lot of conflicting emotions.”

“Too many, arguably,” Ed sobs. “I don’t know that I would have forgiven him right off the bat, but-”

“You didn’t get the chance to find out,” Stede rubs his back and peers out the nearest window.

It’ll take the crew time to check the various spots they’ve asked or begged people to take mail for them. They’ve been gone all of half an hour, and he did tell them to shop and eat and relax a bit too.

But he’d like them to be back now, for Ed’s sake.

“I like your look,” a voice purrs. “I’m into the beige sort of thing myself.”

Jim turns. “How long have you been standing in the corner here? Not saying anything, waiting for me to notice you, like a fucking creep?”

“Actually, I just walked up,” Jack smiles. “I promise! Thought up my line a good six feet away.”

“And how long did that take you?”

“In my defense,” Jack slowly opens up his vest and lifts up his shirt slightly. “As you can see, I’ve got a bit of an injury I’m recovering from. Man has to take it easy, go a little slower, in times like these.”

Jim stares at the gnarled wound in his gut. “Weird question. What’s your name?”

“That’s...not a weird question,” Jack chuckles. “Jack. Calico Jack, to some. Jackie, to a few people, more than you’d think! James to my grandmother, god rest her soul. She wasn’t confused; she just really thought James fit me better.”

“I need you to come with me,” Jim grabs his arm.

“And why should I do that?”

“Because...” they pause and think of what the rest of the crew has told them about Jack. “We’re having a wine tasting on our ship. And we have spare places, so if you’re into that-”

“Wine! Well, what fancy motherfuckers have I found,” Jack snorts. “Sure. Lead on.”

“Hey,” Olu dips his head into their quarters. “So, can you two get dressed up fancy quickly?”

Stede nods.

“You don’t care why?”

“I suppose I should. Why?”

“Because we found him,” Olu grins. “But, per the relay chain, they told him he was being invited to a wine tasting on here.”

“Oh! Do we have any wine?” Stede asks. “I don’t think we do.”

“We don’t, but Roach is working on getting us some,” Olu replies. “Ed, you ready to see him?”

“I’d like to believe it’s him,” Ed sighs. “Hearing that you’ve all been trying to find him behind my back...explains why we’ve been stopping so often, actually. Not that I mind the extra shopping, time to stretch the legs, but-”

“That’s a yes,” Stede interrupts. “We’ll be ready.”

The galley is suitably full of wine (almost to excess, but no one is complaining) when Jim and Jack follow in the crew’s footsteps and return to the ship.

“Wow,” Jack’s eyes go wide as they enter the galley. “That is...y’all okay?”

“What do you mean?” Jim asks. “We were completely out. Now we don’t have to stock up for awhile.”

“Rum is cheaper.”

“You’re the one that called us fancy motherfuckers,” Jim smiles. “You wait here, and I’ll go get the other guests.”

“Kind of a weird setup for a wine tasting,” Jack says, but Jim is already out the door. “Wonder if they got cheese too. Can’t have wine-”

“Without cheese,” Ed says as he steps into the galley.

“That was the dorkiest fucking thing I have ever heard,” Lucius sighs, but Stede slaps his arm. “Don’t be like that; you heard it too!”

“Well, well, well,” Jack turns and scoffs. “So...no more pirate shit, just wine?”

“No, actually,” Ed says. “We did buy the wine, but we’re still very much pirates. Did...did you not recognize the ship-”

“My man,” Jack grins. “I am on so much morphine, constantly, it’s a wonder I recognize myself. Or you! I do like the beard bows though.”

His beard has grown out just enough for it, and Stede’s fingers still hurt from helping Izzy get them all tied onto Ed.

But they do look fucking amazing.

“Should you be doing that?” Ed frowns. “Or drinking, if you’re-”

“I shouldn’t be alive,” Jack tosses his vest off and lifts his shirt. “For a fucking week, it was an open hole. I still don’t know how the doc I found saved me.”

“How did you find anyone?” Lucius asks, pouring himself a glass of wine. “I wasn’t going to stay after we got Ed in here, but I’m curious now.”

“More the merrier,” Jack nods, and Stede takes it as a cue to lean out and let the crew know to come in.

“I swam,” Jack continues as everyone settles in. “Too fucking far. Bleeding out. Probably lost some of my guts along the way, but I didn’t ask questions when I did finally find a surgeon. Random little house along a beach, and he just happened to have worked in the field before.”

“And he sewed you up?” Ed asks as he motions for Jack to sit with him at the long table. “What about the guts you lost? I mean, we do need most of them, as far as we know.”

“He said he found replacements, and like I told you, I didn’t ask questions,” Jack chuckles. “I was alive, and that was good enough.”

He takes a bottle of wine as Stede starts passing them out and down the table. “We treatin’ this like a fancy one, where you spit it out, or-”

“Just drink it,” Stede replies hurriedly. “Swallow it, please.”

“You wouldn’t have to ask me twice,” Jack winks.

“Oh, fuck off.”

“You’ve grown on me!” Jack laughs. “It’s a compliment.”

“I was going to share this extra expensive one,” Stede sighs and sits on Ed’s other side. “But this bottle is just mine now. Everyone good with that?”

As he asks, he pops the cork and starts drinking, and the question answers itself.

“What do you do now?” Ed asks Jack. “You’re surviving somehow, I presume.”

“Surviving,” Jack gets into his own bottle and takes a noticeably long drink before continuing. “Is a word for it. I can’t fight like I used to, so now it’s random boring gigs onshore. Fucking...getting shopping for little old ladies, and shit like that. They’re nice enough, don’t get me wrong but-”

He grins. “I fucking hate every minute of it.”

Ed frowns. “I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault. Twas mine own,” Jack scoffs and drinks again. “Fucking bird.”

“Olivia will absolutely try to kill you again,” Izzy notes. “I would mind your language when you talk about her.”

“How the fuck do you know that?”

“Buttons has told me,” Izzy replies. “On the later watches we’ve shared. She’s very nice, actually. For a gull.”

“Watch yer tongue!” Buttons calls from down the table. “She’s not forgiven you, by the way, Jack. But she’s agreed to forget.”

“That’s...” Jack nods slowly. “Okay. Cool. Best news I’ve gotten since the surgeon said I was gonna make it!”

“That’s a decent chunk of time with no good news,” Ed says, and looks to Stede.

“Oh no,” Stede sighs. “Oh, Ed. Darling.”

“I mean,” Ed continues. “We can almost always use spare hands. And we could put you somewhere that you won’t have to fight unless we’re well and truly fucked-”

“Can you cook?” Roach, sitting on the other side of the table, nods to Jack.

“Nothing fancy, but I can make shit without burning it.”

“I could use an apprentice,” Roach shrugs.

“I’m older than you. Apprentice doesn’t seem the right title.”

“It is when you’re being taught cooking and surgery,” Roach says. “Because if you apprentice with me, you’re learning both. Meat is meat.”

“I can work with that.”

Stede leans against Ed’s shoulder. “He’s your responsibility.”

“You sound like I did when I was talking to Fang about the kittens.”

“Kittens?” Jack peers down under the table.

“They’re in the Jam Room,” Stede replies. “You can go down and see them later, if you’d like. Because, and I cannot believe I’m saying this...you can stay here, so long as you follow our rules.”

Jack cheers, arms raised, only to immediately wince. “Oh god, that wiggled something. Hate how that feels.”

“Ew,” Stede remarks. “Anyway, that means Ed and I are both your captains. Do you underst-”

“You have my undying loyalty,” Jack stands and sweeps to the floor in a deep bow. “Mostly because I’m afraid if I don’t give it, Olivia will have me killed again.”

“She just might,” Stede turns around. “I mean, she said she would forget, but...”

“Gulls are fickle,” Buttons remarks. “Livvy may not like it, but she’s admitted it herself. If ye fuck with her, or any of us, in such a way again...”

He shakes his head. “I’m not responsible for what happens to ye.”

“Creepy,” Jack sits back down. “But fair.”

“I’d say we should do something to celebrate,” Stede says. “But we’re already drinking. Drunk. We should have had dinner before this, hm?”

“We could have dinner now!” Jack trips, standing again rapidly. “Roach, you and me, let’s do this!”

“I like the enthusiasm,” Roach follows him into the kitchen. “We have slightly more wine than food options, but-”

“Let’s put some wine in the food! Make a reduction!”

“You know how to make a wine reduction?”

“Here,” Jack gently pushes a bite of cupcake into their hostage’s mouth. “Now, Roach and I made these special for you.”

The man swallows and smiles. “Thank you. A bit of kindness, finally.”

“Oh,” Jack chuckles, and motions to Stede. “You wanna tell him?”

“Those were poisoned,” Stede says cheerfully. “But, we do have an antidote!”

“All you need do is agree to give up your ship, loot, and...” Ed pauses. “Hm. Anyone on your crew you don’t like?”

“We could do without Rory.”

A crew member of the merchant vessel steps out of the crowd of them. “Hi. That’s me.”

“You,” Stede stares. “Badminton?”

“Ah, yeah,” Rory blushes. “I don’t use the family name out here, since they’re not real pleased with my current career.”

“This is perfectly respectable,” Stede scoffs. “You know they tell people you died, right?”

“I did not know that.”

“Would you mind being a pirate?” Ed asks. “Instead of...what is you people here do?”

“We sell and ship ornate bejewled hairbrushes,” the captain replies. “My throat-”

“Yeah,” Ed cuts him off. “Rory, weird question, but bear with me: if you had to say if you liked your brothers or not-”

“Fuck ‘em,” Rory grins. “Seriously, they hate me and I...I’m not a fan of either of theirs. Not to be rude, but I think our captain is dying.”

“No, he’s dead,” Jack says, gently checking for a pulse at the side of the man’s neck. “Roach, you wanna double check my work though?”

“Nah,” Roach waves a hand. “Welcome aboard, by the way.”

“Mum won’t like this anymore than the merchant stuff,” Rory giggles. “Exciting though! Is there an opening in the kit-”

“Galley is full,” Jack interrupts quickly. “But I bet Izzy and Olu would love to teach you about being a first mate.”

“Hang the fuck on,” Izzy and Olu say at once, but Stede is already nodding.

“Is this what we get for looking for Jack?” Olu murmurs to Izzy as they finish the raid, moving loot from the merchant ship to theirs (all hairbrushes, unfortunately.)

“I think so,” Izzy sighs. “But it’s worth it.”

“Is it?”

“I’m trying to be more positive, you know that-”

“Sorry, right. Well. This will probably go fine.”

“Not that positive.”

“Thank fuck, this is gonna be a fucking mess.”

Izzy shrugs and sets down his box of hairbrushes on the deck of The Revenge. “Maybe he’ll get better with time.”

They watch as Rory trips on the board to cross from one ship to the other, shouting as he hits the water.

“We can make Jack go get him,” Izzy says. “Because...medical concerns, right? Since he fell.”

“That makes sense to me.”

Before they can call, Jack is already over the side.

Apparently, a natural born paramedic that missed his calling, a surprisingly good cook, and...

Well. Jack. To sum him up in so little would never do him justice.

#text post #long post

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some-anonymity-preferred · 8 months

Text

Also, that person keeps using the term "riot queer" and then describing something completely different. Do you think Marsha or Stormé were also the kind to police other queers' behavior at the Stonewall Inn? Do you think they called for the raid? Do you think they liked the people who did?

I don't.

I also object to the characterization of everyone else as Love Wins Queers, versus Izzy's Riot Queer (or Old Guard Queer, or whatever that person is actually trying to argue, bless their heart).

It at least shows, though, that we agree that everyone besides Izzy is of some kind of piece, and Izzy is somehow different. I can work with that.

Everyone else is some combination of Riot Queer and Love Wins Queer.

Buttons: in love with the sea, talks with birds, speaks in riddles; a pretty competent pirate helmsman/first mate, yearns for human flesh, bites

Ed: big soft goofy goth theatre kid, musical, fancies a fine fabric; is, ya know, Blackbeard

Fang: even bigger, even softer, goofy goth; Blackbeard’s main heavy

Frenchie: weird witchy musical fic-writing twink, sews, is into interior design; will scam you and spill your darkest secrets, has knives in his feet like a cat

Ivan: is Fang’s literal shoulder to cry on; wastes nothing, especially not the gold teeth

Jim: loves Olu, mourns their birth family, has a complicated relationship with their mother figure, gives the rest of the crew more chances than Jim feels they deserve; is Jim

Lucius: our favorite bitchy femme gay polyamorous relationship counselor; will humiliate you to death, can also whack you uspside the head if needed

Oluwande: quiet, caring, most frequently in possession of the show’s one brain cell, loves Jim; loves Jim, will scam you, can bash heads, coldly dismisses Izzy’s plea not to let the crew throw him overboard

Pete: poor dim baby, thespian, loves Lucius; full of braggadocio and really into mutiny and the violence of pirating

Roach: doctor, proud chef, sews, juggles (maybe); knives are knives, meat’s meat, finds torturing prisoners relaxing, provokes nazis for the sake of punching nazis

Stede: soft goofy theatre kid who just tries so darn hard, loves Ed; ran away to be a pirate, is a master of posh passive aggression, and in his hands, the stun move is overkill

The Swede: voice like an angel, blushes, gets the zoomies and a glow-up; is a pirate, might marry Jackie (Honestly, The Swede is the closest we come to a pure Love Wins Queer.)

Wee John: makes dresses, into interior design, has a drag persona; lives to set things on fire

Izzy: repressed and repulsive; a skilled swordsman, an abusive middle manager, and a narc

One of these things is not like the others, as they say.

Izzy is neither Love Wins nor Riot, and he’s not really Old Guard, either. He’s repressed and dripping with toxic masculinity. That’s his character, it makes him an antagonist—and it makes him someone I want nowhere near any place that bills itself as a safe space.

It’s worth noting that everyone else largely directs their violence outward, away from the group. That’s what makes them Riot Queers. And regardless of where their violence is directed, it’s often in self defence/preservation (whether justified or not).

Izzy is the only one we see making a habit of violence against those around him, and it’s for the sake of enforcing his own idea of his authority. I’d also say he inflicts more intentional psychological damage than any other member of the crew. And, thinking back on my recent rematch of the series, I’m not sure I remember seeing Izzy physically assault anyone in authority outside the Revenge (I’m not sure of that, but it’s my impression at the moment; and I will watch for it when I sit my polycule down for one last rewatch before Oct 5). And he always has at least a civil mask on when speaking with them. (Lord help me I won’t bring race into this post.) So yeah.

One of these things is not like the others for sure.

#ofmd #ofmd meta #izzy critical #izzy hands is an antagonist #izzy hands is a fantastic antagonist

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our-flag-means-death-ao3feed · 10 months

Text

it’s really you (on my mind)

by ridiculousinconvenientlove

Instead of a summary of the fic, have a melodramatic summary of the creation of the fic:

One month before Rizzy Week, I get an idea for a Rizzy Week fic. One week before Rizzy Week, I started writing said fic. Rizzy Week hits. Life gets busy. I realize I will not finish Rizzy Week fic. Three days until the end of Rizzy Week. I get the bright idea to fill the bingo card in a single fic, in the fewest words possible (forgetting I am incapable of writing short fics). One day until the end of Rizzy Week. I’ve written 100 words so far of a fic wherein Roach and Izzy are lesbian vampires unwillingly cohabitating together, with a pet dog named Pete. They fall in love while gaming together. Final day of Rizzy Week, I get off work 5 hours before the end of Rizzy Week my timezone. I spew this nonsense (in far more words than I initially planned to) and pretend I live on Hawaiian time so I still technically published this during Rizzy Week. I managed to hit a bingo but not my goal (yet). I promise you I will do all the squares in a single fic that kind of makes sense. Soon.

....Enjoy.

Words: 2166, Chapters: 1/2, Language: English

Fandoms: Our Flag Means Death (TV)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Characters: Israel Hands, Roach (Our Flag Means Death)

Relationships: Israel Hands/Roach (Our Flag Means Death)

Additional Tags: Canon Era, gender swapped izzy, gender swapped roach, gender swap, Trans Roach, sort of hand wavy gender for izzy though, fucked up power dynamics but that's probably a given huh, idk what happened to lucius in this verse sorry, Mutual Masturbation, really reaching for those bingo squares ngl, it's july 21st somewhere (hawaii), no beta we die like hollywood steve, that tag is for u randy xx

source https://archiveofourown.org/works/48772450

#Our flag means death #ofmd #https://archiveofourown.org/works/48772450

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appleteeth · 2 years

Text

Our Flag Means Death x Pacific Rim

This idea come fully formed this morning and I had to write it all down.

Note: If you want to run with it and make it a fic/art/whatever please do because I doubt I will write it unless I can think of a good story beyond blending the two worlds.

Basic Plot:

During the height of the Jaeger programme, a rich benefactor called Stede Bonnet builds his own Jaeger called the Revenge and want to pilot it himself. Unfortunately, he’s not found anyone who is Drift-compatible amongst his crew. (He originally thought his wife would join him, but he knew deep down it wouldn’t work even if she wanted to).

He gets injured in a kaiju attack and finds himself taken care of by Edward Teach, one of the greatest Jaeger pilots in the programme's history.

Edward asks Stede to try Drifting together and they work incredibly well, coming up with a plan to save a city under attack within a day of knowing one-another. They begin to pilot the Revenge together, whilst Izzy is furious they can Drift so easily. He hates Stede with a passion and tries to sabotage their every mission.

Edward is desperately trying not to give away that he likes Stede while Stede feels really strongly about Edward but he doesn’t really know that what he is feeling is love.

During a bad training session, they both end up chasing the RABIT and delving into their worst fears. Edward remembers how he killed his dad after years of domestic and child abuse. Stede remembers how he was bullied and how his dad hated him.

Together they fight kaijus and work through their problems and make out.

Main Characters:

Stede Bonnet: Rich benefactor stuck in an arranged marriage who wants to be a Jaeger pilot more than anything. Commissions his own Jaeger and runs away to the LA Shatterdome to start his career.

Edward Teach: The best Jaeger pilot in the entire programme, having had 12 kills with multiple co-pilots. Edward is currently piloting with Izzy Hands on the Jaeger called Blackbeard but they are not compatible (Edward is just good at blending in and adapting to his partners). Edward is bored with the rock star lifestyle and would love to give it all up, but Jaeger pilots pretty much don’t get to retire, only die in battle.

Izzy Hands: Current co-pilot with Edward on Blackbeard but brings out the worst in Edward. (When Edward and Izzy Drift together they become ruthless and less concerned about civilian casualties/collateral damage.) Wants to be immortalised amongst the greatest pilots but can only achieve that with Edward, and so he is dismayed when Edward finds the perfect co-pilot in Stede Bonnet of all people.

Stede’s crew:

Oluwade: LOCCENT Mission Control Technician. Voice of reason and brilliant leader.

Jim: They first work as a mechanic for the Revenge, keeping their head down until they are discovered and become Assault Specialist. They worked with their family in the Lima shatterdome until their family was killed by a kaiju attack (Jim knows they were put in the line of attack by a corrupt politician and seeks revenge).

Olu and Jim are Drift Compatible but haven’t been given the chance to test (yet).

Lucius: Journalist following Stede’s story. Stede acts like he’s his personal biographer, which Lucius goes along with so long as his expenses keep getting paid.

Black Pete: J-Tech Engineer. Claims he worked on Blackbeard, but nobody believes him.

Lucius and Black Pete get together and have the suspicion they might be Drift Compatible but they are in no way interested in piloting a Jaeger.

Frenchie: Neural Bridge Operator. Scams other Jaeger crews for laughs.

Wee John: Weapons Specialist. Has a crush on Frenchie but hasn’t acted on it yet.

Roach: J-Tech Engineer and team cook.

Swede: J-Tech Engineer and general disaster.

Buttons: Battle Programmer. Claims he can talk to the kaiju but nobody wants to take him up on proving it.

Other notable characters:

Mary Bonnet: Finds herself alone after Stede runs away to become a Jaeger pilot. Uses her wealth to help people on the Pacific coastlines and raise awareness of the corrupt Anti-Kaiju Wall programme.

Calico Jack: Edward’s old Jaeger partner before Jack was injured in battle. Comes back after Izzy contacts him to break up Edward and Stede. Tells Stede they used to be an item to throw him off on their next mission.

Nigel Badminton: Stede’s childhood bully and now in charge of the Anti-Kaiju Wall programme. Thinks Jaegers are a waste of money and resources.

(I’m uncertain if Stede kills him by accident or if he’s just a pain in the arse foil.)

Spanish Jackie: Kaiju Organ Harvester and mob leader.

Not sure who the Marshall/Officer of the LA Shatterdome would be, if it matters?

#our flag means death #pacific rim #crossover #anyone else still obsessed with Drifting and soulmates found while kicking alien ass?#ofmd #stede bonnet #edward teach #edward teach born on a beach #izzy hands

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our-flag-means-spam · 2 years

Text

Details of an AU I’m writing a fic for because I said so and also class is slow

Sorry in advance, this is a long one!

okay SO, modern AU where Stede is a florist owns a flower shop on a street corner with some apartments above it (he lives there). Ed is a member of a rock band with Izzy, Ivan, and Fang that’s gaining popularity, he also lives in these apartments and is usually practicing with them in the afternoons. Because Ed’s apartment isn’t super far above the shop they can usually hear the band playing and this wasn’t a problem until it just kept getting louder and the lyrics were getting more vulgar. So Stede storms up and when Ed opens the door he’s greeted with this man in gardening gloves rambling about keeping the noise down during business hours and how they need to be more considerate before storming away. Ed is immediately smitten, he goes down to apologize soon after. Slow-burn friends to lovers where there’s loads of mutual pining but Stede is a little dense and doesn’t realize Ed likes him back until they’re literally kissing.

Stede:

- Used to work for his family’s Law Firm and absolutely hated it.

- Mary and the kids! They all still get along, in this AU Stede didn’t leave in the night, he came to terms with who he was at the ripe age of 38 and they got a divorce-- this fic is set four years after this. Stede likes Doug, sometimes he and Mary argue about parenting choices but overall are good, Stede has yet to be in a relationship.

- Stede named his flower shop The Revenge as an act of defiance against his father, who constantly tells Stede he’s a disappointment and will eventually come crawling back to him-- Stede has a knack for flower hybrids so yeah, no, not happening. He’s one of the most successful florists in town (not that there are many) and is doing very well for himself!

- Speaking of his shop, he works with Lucius, Pete, Olu, Jim, and Frenchie. Wee John, Roach, Buttons, and the Swede are good friends of theirs and they all often have movie nights in the back room of the shop. it’s a little cramped, but they all love it.

Ed:

- Used to party way too much in college and has been a member of many bands. The one he’s in now seems to be going somewhere though, Ed is an amazing guitarist. He offers to teach Stede how to play but it’s mostly an excuse to put his hands over Stede’s to show him how his fingers should be on the frets.

- Definitely a sap but doesn’t show it much around other people. When he likes someone it’s painfully obvious though, and Izzy is furious when he realizes his dumbass band leader is in love with someone like Stede.

- Asks Stede to teach him about flowers-- He’s really good at arranging bouquets but keeps using flowers with really passive aggressive meanings behind them (”Ed, this looks lovely, but these flowers are essentially telling whoever you’re giving this to to die in a hole.” “??? Flowers can talk???”). At one point Stede puts some flowers in his hair end Ed about dies.

- Ed learns Stede’s favorite flower is Edelweiss and gets a tattoo of some on his hip. He doesn’t tell Stede where it is (or that he got it because of Stede), just tells him that he got a flower tattoo because he realized that he liked flowers a lot. Stede eventually gets to see it in person and melts.

I have yet to come up with a name for the fic (ideas welcome, I’d be sure to credit you!) but if y’all want I can share a link when I start posting it on Ao3! I’ll also be doing some art for this AU and if anyone makes any I’d love to see it! :)

#ofmd #our flag means death #our flag means gay #modern au #flower shop au #rockstar au #ofmd blackbonnet #ofmd stede #ofmd ed #fanfic #fanfic ideas

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izzy-b-hands · 2 years

Text

Fumbling a fic idea of the Revenge crew playing spin the bottle

at some point Calico Jack shows up without any explanation how to be the judge if the bottle lands in between two ppl and not directly on one

idk where else I'd go with it for now but its cute. and also some nsfw because if it lands correctly for the already established couples u know they're gonna show off a little akdnfkg

Ed in Stede's lap while Jack is like uh. Usually it's just a kiss guys

They tip over backwards making out and the game casually continues on while the crew assures Jack they'll rejoin the game when they're ready

Jim and Olu taking turns making eyes at Lucius before they kiss when it matches them because I mean...if he and Pete wanted, it could be fun together, all four of them

It does match Izzy and Lucius (who in his dear romantic heart actually gives him a proper kiss after Pete nods his way)

And Izzy just sort of 404s for a little bit while Lucius pats him on the back and Pete tells him it's all good, his first kiss with Lucius left him stunned too (they promptly do then kiss and nearly pull an Ed and Stede but manage to hold off)

If i really wanna make myself work (aka figure out how to keep the game going for so long without the fic getting boring lmaoo) I'd keep it going to it matching Izzy and Stede

who share an initially chaste kiss, Stede leaning over from his spot to reach Izzy, but then it goes on and is that tongue? that's tongue

Ed's watching this with a mixture of wonder and a little jealousy, but said jealousy isn't the way you'd think. Instead of it being hey don't fucking kiss Stede like that, it's Stede wtf how did you do that and leave my otherwise grumpy first mate starry-eyed (Izzy sits back from those kisses just. smiling and a little flustered because he originally didn't want to play, but he's very glad he let Ed convince him to now)

He claims he could totally do that to Izzy too, let me show you! To which Stede nods enthusiastically because his brain is Thinking now abt if he could fit three full grown men (including himself as one of the three lol) in his bed or if maybe they could just throw some blankets and pillows on the floor and call it good since they likely wouldn't be doing much sleeping right away

Everyone adjusts and moves so its now Stede, Ed, Izzy in that order on that part of the circle, and if they could have popcorn while they watch they absolutely would (tbh i also love the idea of Roach sneaking away quickly and bringing back a bowl of it to pass around because this is gonna be Good)

And all that takes a few minutes which gives Izzy plenty of time to feel like his heart is going to beat out of his chest until Ed finally does that cute little hair fling back move, makes eye contact with those gorgeous brown eyes that can literally go 😍 whenever he makes them, and kisses him

Just like Stede's with Izzy: chaste at first, until Izzy loops his arms around Ed and lets him pull him down to the deck while Stede is 😍 himself at watching them and has already decided they'll need to have a really important meeting with Izzy in their quarters, subject: holy fuck I need both of you naked and in my bed NOW (one of few meetings that wouldn't be better as a memo)

Not that it might get too wild for their first night because Izzy's brain is short circuiting in a good way from all of it (finally let myself have some emotions and feel them fully without guilt or pushing them down!! let not just one, not two, but three!! men kiss me, even fucking Bonnet, and now i also want to fuck Bonnet, and Ed finally kissed me and he's as good as it as presumed and holy fuck So Much At Once)

Jack watches those three pull each other to the captains' quarters and then shrugs to everyone else and asks if they wanna keep playing or just go ahead and call this a group make out session (not the first sort of thing he's ever been in on, he tells them. The orgy with the sea turtle swimming around them was probably his best work in this field, he feels, before clarifying no one fucked the turtle, he was truly only swimming around while all the humans got at it. just your average voyeuristic sea turtle, you know how it is)

It immediately falls into said make out session and Jack snags the stoppered rum bottle, opens it, and takes a swig with a smile. Good work done, and maybe Steve will let him watch him and Ed and Izzy if he asks nicely (is Stede horny enough to say yes? that i have not decided yet lmaoo)

#text post #i should actually write the dang thing instead of this but my brain is not cooperating rn akdbkggn #so instead: this #ofmd #god this post is already long the fic would probably be even longer rip me since i usually type up on mobile now

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