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#i plan on deep cleaning my room before surgery to give myself a nice recovery area at least but god
cdfreak · 3 months
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chat i have to admit im really scared for surgery recovery.. im kind of the main caretaker of my house like i do most of the cleaning and i cook for myself most of the time and im really really scared of my house kind of just getting disgusting and wretched while im out of commission... its a shoulder surgery so some chores will be ok but i cant do a Ton with one arm and i just cant trust my mom to pick up the slack and im afraiddddddd
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embeanwrites · 4 years
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Finding Home Gavin Reed x Reader
Chapter 23
Masterlist
It took Gavin and me a total of 30 minutes to get dressed and head to the hospital my dad was at. I tried calling Connor in the car, but he didn’t answer, which caused me to worry even more.
Gavin was driving and he had one hand firmly on my leg that kept bouncing up and down. How did this happen? I kept asking myself as I stared out the window. I thought he was taking care of himself more. Why did this have to happen now? Right when things were getting better between us. Gavin pulled up to the hospital and stopped the car at the emergency room front doors.  
“Go find Connor. I’ll park and catch up.” I nodded and jumped out of the car, practically running into the hospital. I followed the signs for the surgery waiting room. I looked through the door window and saw Connor sitting in a chair with his eyes forward. When I pushed the door open he quickly looked over and got up. I ran to him and hugged him tightly, trying not to cry. He held me equally as tight.  
“What happened?” My voice was raspy, while my mind was racing the rest of my body was still trying to wake up.
“He got up in the middle of the night for a glass of water and I heard the glass drop from my room. I called the ambulance right away. They’re performing an atherectomy right now.” He pulled out of the hug and I reluctantly let go of him.
“Have…” I paused trying to stop myself from crying. “Have the doctors given you any updates?” I heard the door open again and in a second Gavin’s arms were around me. I grabbed his hands and held them tightly, welcoming the warmth and comfort. I noticed my hands were shaking, so I gripped his hands tighter in an attempt to steady them.  
“No, nothing yet. I have only been here for an hour. The surgery takes about two and recovery is about three hours, but that’s according to averages. I don’t know if it will be shorter or longer.” I nodded. “I didn’t mean to make you rush here. Humans need sleep, (Y/n). You can go home and I can call you the moment I get any update.” Connor said softly, I quickly shook my head.
“No, I’m staying here with you.” He started to argue. “Connor, I’m not budging on this.” I untangled myself from Gavin and turned to look at him. I gently took my hands and cupped his cheeks, running my thumbs across his stubble. “Gavin, you have work in a couple of hours, you should go home and get some rest.”
“I’m staying with you for as long as I can. I’ve run on less sleep before.” He put his hands over mine and gently pulled them down. He squeezed my hands and I nodded, grateful he was willing to stay. Connor sat back down and I sat next to him. I grabbed both of their hands and held them.
I woke up still in the waiting room. I must have fallen asleep at some point. Groaning, I sat up and wiped my mouth. I looked over at Connor.
“Oh my god, Connor. I’m so sorry I drooled on you. You should’ve woken me up.” I looked over to my left where Gavin had been.
“He had to get to the precinct. We both decided it would be best not to wake you.” I nodded and yawned. “There have been no updates, but I expect we will hear something soon.” I laid my head back on Connor’s shoulder.
“Are you scared?” I asked softly.
“The surgery has a high survival rate and the ambulance got to the house in under five minutes. Despite those reassuring facts, I still find myself worried.” Connor whispered. I noticed his LED for the first time since arriving. It was red.
“He’s strong, survived a lot. This won’t be any different.” I tried to reassure him, but I knew he could tell I was equally worried.
Another half-hour passed before a doctor finally came to talk to us. Both us stood up and met him halfway. I had my arm wrapped around Connor’s to keep myself from shaking too much.
“Ma’am, are you a part of the Anderson family?”
“Yes, we’re both his kids,” I answered quickly, the doctor gave Connor’s LED a quick glance, but decided not to say anything.
“He got here just in time. The surgery took longer than expected, but there were no major complications. He’s in recovery now.”
“Can we see him?” I asked.
“He’s resting right now. He’ll be in recovery for a couple of hours and then he’ll be moved to an inpatient room. I can have one of the nurses come to get you when he’s been moved.”
“Thank you, doctor,” Connor said. He gave us a tightlipped smile and walked away. We both sat back down. I felt exhausted but relieved. “Maybe you should go home and get some rest.” I shook my head and pulled out my phone.
“No, I’m not leaving.” I went to my email and sent my students an email.
Hi everyone,
Due to a family emergency, we will not be meeting in person on Tuesday. Instead, I am going to post a movie, and then on Thursday, we will discuss how the themes of the movie apply to what we are learning. Don’t worry, the film’s target audience was kids so we should have no problem discussing it. If you’d like to get ahead the film is “The Iron Giant.”
I will see you all on Thursday,
Dr. (L/n)
I decided to send Gavin an update text while I was on my phone.
Dad’s in recovery, the surgery went well. We’ll be able to see him in a couple of hours.
thats good. how r u feeling
Tired and worried. I canceled my class on Tuesday.
im going to talk to fowler, see if i can get time off
You don’t have to.
i know
on a case, ill stop by on my lunch break text me the rm #
Okay, stay safe
I took a deep breath and looked at Connor, his LED was still red.
“Have you told Fowler?” Connor remained to look forward.
“Yes, I alerted him last night. He put us both on leave so I can stay with Hank while he recovers. Nines has also offered to help cover our cases.” I nodded.
“I'll be there for him too, you don’t have to do this alone. My class is only two days a week and I can do my research from home.”
“I appreciate that, (Y/n).” Connor gently reached over and held my hand, I gave him a small smile and squeezed his hand, hoping to show him that he’s truly not alone in this.
We both sat in silence waiting for the nurse to come get us. After what felt like 10 hours she finally came over and led us to his room.
It was weird seeing dad in a hospital bed. It reminded me of my mom. When she was sick I got so desensitized to hospitals. We were in and out so often that it almost became a second home, a lot of the nurses even knew my name and kept up with my life. However, being here now makes it feel like the first time all over again. I hadn’t realized I had still been holding Connor’s hand until he gave me a light squeeze. Dad looked to be waking up.
“Hey Dad,” I said softly, letting go of Connor’s hand to sit in one of the chairs near him. I reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze.
“Hey kids,” Dad said hoarsely. “Sorry for scaring you two.” I shook my head back and forth quickly, afraid if I tried talking I would start crying again. I looked up at Connor who took the seat across from me.
“We’re just glad you’re okay, Hank,” Connor said softly.
“Connor, I think we’re pass you calling me Hank.”
“We’re just glad you’re okay...dad.” The three of us smiled and my dad gave a light chuckle.
I’ve been staying at the house for about two weeks now. I had only seen Gavin briefly on Tuesdays and Thursdays when he would stop by my office on his lunch break to check in on me. I can tell that everyone around me was walking on eggshells, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. I felt as if I was coasting and I couldn’t seem to break out. Gavin was being extremely understanding of this whole situation. He’d even sent flowers to my office and some flowers to my dad. He also sent a bottle of whiskey that Connor immediately confiscated.
Connor ended up giving up his “room” so I could sleep there while I was helping him with dad. I tried to talk him out of it, but all he really used it for was to store clothes since he didn’t need sleep. He didn’t mind going into stasis on the couch. Connor seemed grateful that I stayed around to relieve some of the burden, besides it was nice being able to spend time with just Connor. I also think dad appreciated me being here to stop Connor from going crazy about his health and what he was eating. I did agree to an extent, but blanched chicken breast with no seasoning, not even a little bit of salt, is crazy.  
Connor and I were sitting on the couch watching some forensics show, that Connor enjoyed picking apart, while dad was resting in the other room. He seemed to be doing a lot better, but I couldn’t bring myself to go back to my apartment except to get clean clothes.
do u wanna come over tonight? connor can handle taking care of ur dad for one night
I don’t know, I have a phone interview tomorrow for my research.
tomorrows saturday
I know, but I’m interviewing Chris and that’s his day off.
u can do a phone interview from my house tho
i know u dont want to leave him yet but its one night and u need a break
ask connor he agrees with me
I bit my lip and looked up at Connor. His brows were furrowed as he rolled his eyes at something the “detective” said on tv. I kicked him softly with my foot to get his attention.
“Do you want me to leave?” I asked tentatively. Connor gave me a gentle look and a small smile. He turned towards me and folded his hands in his lap.
“I think a break is healthy, (Y/n). You only leave the house to go to your class and office hours. I can handle things here. Plus I’m sure you miss Gavin and he misses you.” He said softly. I groaned.
“I don’t like you and Gavin planning things behind my back.” He smiled.
“It’s for your own good. Just go out for one night and come back tomorrow, even if you two decide to just hang out at Gavin’s home. You need to take a break.”
“Just one night,” I whispered looking at my phone.
Pick me up in 30 minutes?
got it pipsqueak. nines is coming over too, something about not wanting to stay at the precinct all night again. is that ok?
Of course!
Some part of me did agree with Connor and Gavin. I was antsy in the house, but I was still worried about not being there when I’m needed. What if something else happened to dad while I was gone? What if Connor needed help and I wasn’t able to get back in time?
“You’re biting your thumb, (Y/n).” Connor’s voice broke through my thoughts and I moved my hand away from my mouth. Connor had begun calling me out whenever I was becoming overly anxious, which was both sweet and annoying.
“Sorry, nerves.” I gave him a wobbly smile.
“He will be fine. I know you’re worried, but I promise I will contact you the moment I fear something may be wrong. He’s been doing really well, it won’t be long until he’s cleared to return to work for desk duty.” Connor put his hand on my shoulder and I nodded.
“I know you’re right. It’s just hard sometimes to turn off that part of my brain.” I gave a nervous chuckle and he nodded his head.
“You should pack a bag, I’m assuming Gavin will be here soon?” I laughed.
“Wow, you sure are in a rush to get rid of me!” Connor rolled his eyes and shook his head. I stood up and stretched.
“Self-care is important, (Y/n).” I waved him off as I headed towards Connor’s room. Grabbing my backpack I filled it with some clothes, a laptop, and my phone charger. I sat down on the bed and fiddled with my bag. The room was just as bare as last time. Once dad was better I wanted to take Connor shopping so he could make the room more his. It would be interesting to see what he would pick out.
Snapping out of my thoughts I put on my backpack and walked back to where Connor was watching tv. I knelt down and started petting Sumo. He was lazing on top of Connor’s feet. I looked up at Connor, he was still entranced by the tv.
“Hey, Con?” I heard him hum. “Once things calm down do you want to go shopping for some decorations for your room? To make it more...you.” He glanced down at me with a small smile.
“I think that could be fun.” I smiled back at him. Things between us felt so natural as a brother and sister duo. Sometimes it felt like we grew up together, I guess for Connor’s case that wasn’t too far apart since he’s only been around for about a year.
“What kind of things do you like? Like what would you want in your room?” His brows furrowed for a moment, but it quickly turned into a smile.
“I would like a lava lamp.” I laughed abruptly, causing Sumo to jump a bit.
“A lava lamp? Connor why?” I said in between laughs, where had he even seen a lava lamp? His face flushed a light blue.
“They look cool. One of the characters in this show has one.” He responded sheepishly. I shook my head and let out another laugh.
“You are the biggest dork I’ve ever met.”
“You’re the one showing her students old movies because she thinks they’re underappreciated.” He teased back.
“Wow, look at you! You’re learning how not to be so uptight all the time.” He frowned.
“I’m better than Nines!” Connor crossed his arms across his chest and huffed in defiance.
“Well, you have had more time as a deviant than him. I’m sure he’ll pass you at some point.” Before Connor could respond my phone went off. “Ah, Gavin’s here. Are you sure you’ll be okay for the night? It’s not too late for me to cancel.” Connor’s expressions soften.
“Everything will be fine. I promise” I nodded and got up.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, text me updates?” I nervously fidgeted with the front door handle.
“Of course, (Y/n).” He gave me a reassuring smile. I took a deep breath and walked to Gavin’s car. Nines was already moving to the backseat, I briefly wondered if he had decided to do that on his own or if Gavin had asked him. Gavin smiled and waved at me. It really had been a while since we’ve relaxed together. I smiled back and got into the car.
“Hey, pipsqueak.” Gavin greeted me, leaning over to give me a kiss on the check.
“Hi Gavin, hi Nines.”
“Hello (Y/n). Thank you for letting me spend some time with you two. I appreciate the break from the precinct.” I nodded, as Gavin started driving.
“Do you always stay at the precinct?” I asked, turning around to look at him. He was sitting up straight with his hands in his lap. As always he looked overly formal.
“Yes, there has been an android apartment complex go up and I have been thinking about getting an apartment there, but as of right now I am perfectly content at the precinct.”
“Except tonight.” I teased, for a brief second his LED flashed yellow and then back to a calm blue.
“If I’m honest I also wanted to check up on you and make sure you’ve been taking care of yourself.” I groaned and closed my eyes.
“Great now I have two overbearing androids worrying about me.” Gavin let out a small chuckle.
“Would you really want it any other way?” Gavin asked. I could hear the smirk in his voice.
“No, I wouldn’t,” I responded softly.
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latetothegreysparty · 6 years
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Baby Steps
This one is for the anon prompt about Amelia’s recovery from the surgery to remove the tumor. I’m pretty sure this one turned out far more angsty than that anon intended with his/her prompt, so I’m really sorry if this isn’t what you had in mind.
Baby Steps
Amelia sighed as she watched herself in the mirror while she brushed her teeth. She had already been brushing her teeth for more than three minutes now, but she couldn’t bring herself to spit out the toothpaste and rinse her mouth. Once she did, she would be ready to go to sleep, and she’d have to climb into the bed. Not just any bed, their bed. The bed she and Owen had purchased to sleep in together. The bed that she hadn’t slept in for weeks. It was hard enough to move back in with him and share a bed with him again, but it was doubly so when she was also dealing with the difficulties of recovering from brain surgery.
She didn’t know why she’d agreed to this. She knew they’d had quite the rough patch and that it probably would’ve been best to take it slow. Jumping straight into moving back in with him when they hadn’t done anything to address the issues of the past few months seemed ill-advised. She blamed her exhaustion. She was just so tired all the time that when Owen had offered to take her back to their home and take care of her, she’d been too exhausted to do anything other than agree.
So now here she was, five minutes into brushing her teeth, having probably hit the boundary of how long should could continue to do this without it becoming very obvious that she was stalling. Amelia closed her eyes, steeling herself for the discomfort that was about to come, and spat her toothpaste into the sink. In a matter of minutes, she had rinsed her mouth and was emerging from the bathroom.
She internally winced when she stepped out into the bedroom. She was hoping he’d already be asleep. Instead, he was sitting up in bed with the lamp on, smiling at her. “You’re probably exhausted, why don’t you climb in?” he asked softly. She nodded and got into the other side of the bed, neglecting to mention that the reason she was exhausted had more to do with sleeping next to her husband whom she hadn’t lived with for weeks than her post-surgery side effects. She pulled the covers up to her chin and rolled over, facing herself away from him. “Good night, Amelia,” he whispered tenderly.
It was all she could do to muster a small, “Night,” in response.
-
Amelia awoke to the sound of her alarm. It was 2:00 in the morning. Her body was not happy to be awoken at this hour. Nonetheless, this was a necessity because it was time to take her pain medication. Some people thought it might be better to sleep through the night and just take the medication first thing in the morning, but she knew better. She knew that if she didn’t keep the medication in her system constantly, she’d wake up early in the morning in pain, and then she’d have to wait for the medication to hit her bloodstream to feel any relief. No, it was far better to deal with the interrupted sleep schedule and keep the medication in her bloodstream, especially since the meds were weaker than what most patients in her situation would be using.
When she sat up to get out of bed and go find her pill, she was surprised to see light streaming in through the open bedroom door as Owen re-entered the room. She couldn’t imagine what he’d be doing up at this hour. “Hey, I got you your meds and a snack so you won’t get nauseous from taking it on an empty stomach,” he said, holding up a tray that held a pill, a glass of water, and an apple.
Her stomach swirled in a mix of gratitude and discontent that he was doing this for her in the current state of their marriage. “Owen, you didn’t have to…” she began, not really knowing what else to say.
“I wanted to,” he said, smiling softly as he set the tray down on her lap before walking around the bed and climbing back into his side.
“Thank you,” she whispered before biting into the apple. She finished her snack in silence, then took her pill and downed the glass of water. She went back to sleep without another word.
-
Amelia stared blankly at the movie that was playing on the TV in the living room. She didn’t really know what had been going on because she had dozed off several times. As she continued to stare, making a bit of effort to try to ascertain what was going on in the film, she could feel her stomach growling. Realizing she hadn’t eaten in five or six hours, she stood up from the couch and made her way to the kitchen to see if she could scrounge up some lunch.
When she arrived in the kitchen, she found Owen standing at the stove, stirring a pot that appeared to hold soup. He looked up when he heard her enter. “Oh, hi, I figured you’d be getting hungry, so I made some soup. I figured it would be gentle on your stomach.”
Amelia shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. “Owen I could have made myself something,” she said.
“Did you not want soup?” he asked, a concerned expression overtaking his face. “I can make something else.”
She sighed. “No soup is great, but you didn’t need to make lunch for me.”
He smiled softly. “It was no trouble at all. I needed to eat, anyway, so it was just as easy for me to make food for the both of us.”
That excuse sounded pretty weak to her, considering he’d just been offering to make her a whole new lunch if she didn’t like the soup, but she was too tired to have that argument with him. Instead, she chose to quietly thank him, accept the bowl of soup, and retreat back to her place on the couch.
-
Amelia groaned as she stepped out of the bathroom in her towel, hair still dripping from the shower she’d just taken. She began walking toward the closet, but she already knew she was going to come up empty. This was her sixth day back in the house, and she hadn’t done laundry yet. She was pretty certain she’d already worn all of the casual clothes she had in the house. Nonetheless, she opened the closet and peered inside, hoping there was a t shirt and some sweats she’d forgotten about. She had no such luck. She sighed at her situation and crossed the room to grab the hamper and begin sorting her clothes. Apparently, today was going to be one of those days when she did the laundry in her towel.
When she arrived at the hamper, she was surprised to find it empty. Confused, Amelia padded out of the bedroom to figure out what was going on. When she stepped into the hallway, she could hear the sound of the TV in the living room, so she followed the noise. She stopped in her tracks when she found Owen sitting on the couch, watching TV and folding her clothes. “Owen, what are you doing?” she asked slowly.
He smiled when he saw her standing in the corner of the room. “Oh, hi! I hope your shower was nice. I’m just hanging out and folding your clothes.”
He didn’t seem to get what she was asking. “Why are you folding my clothes?” she asked, tilting her head to the side.
He chuckled. “When I went to get dressed this morning, I noticed you were running pretty low on clothes, so I washed up what was in your hamper. Pretty much everything is dry now, so grab whatever you’d like to wear from the basket.”
She had to take a deep breath to calm herself. It would be really terrible if she just started yelling at him for doing her laundry. She was pretty sure that would win her the “worst wife of the year” award, if she hadn’t already locked that one up. But she couldn’t just smile and thank him. All of this coddling and doting on her was getting out of control, and she wasn’t sure she’d be able to stay in this house for another day if she didn’t say something. “Owen, you don’t need to do all of my cooking and cleaning for me,” she said, keeping her tone measured so she wouldn’t start yelling. “I can do that stuff myself.”
“It’s really no trouble,” he brushed her off. “I have the time off, so it’s no hassle at all to do this stuff. Besides, the doctors said you need to take it easy so you don’t exhaust yourself or give yourself a headache. We can’t have that happening, especially when you’re on non-narcotic pain pills.”
The nonchalant, indirect reference to her struggles with opioids was what flipped the switch. As much as she’d tried to remain calm, she just couldn’t after that comment. “Oh, so that’s the problem, is it?” she asked, far beyond caring that she was shouting now. She could see the confusion on his face as she abruptly began to shout, but she ignored it and continued on. “Your wife isn’t just some lady who recently had her brain sliced up, she’s a junky who just had her brain sliced up, so naturally we’ve got to go full kid-gloves mode to make sure she doesn’t go off the deep end and do cocaine off the back of a toilet at a strip club downtown!”
She could see the edges of his ears starting to turn red, one of his tells that he was starting to get upset, but he did a wonderful job of hiding it. “Amelia, that is not at all what I meant. I only meant that comment to point out that your pain management plan relies more heavily on prevention than treatment, but now I completely understand how that was probably hurtful. Please forgive me. I need you to calm down, though, or you’re going to get yourself sick, tired, and in pain.”
This did nothing to pacify her. She had now begun to pace in front of the couch. “I can’t calm down, Owen!” she shouted. “I can’t calm down because this is all just wrong. Our marriage is in shambles. We’ve barely spoken in months, we were living apart, and we have all these issues that we haven’t even begun to address. I can’t deal with you doing all of this stuff for me right now. This feels like playing pretend. I move back home, we pretend we didn’t just have a massive conflict in our marriage, and then we go back to our lives like nothing ever happened. That’s not what we need. I came back here because I needed a place to stay, not because this was all supposed to suddenly go back to being the perfect marriage.”
By this point Owen’s whole face was red, and he was losing the battle to remain calm. “This is exactly what you need!” he said, exasperated. “Right now, you need to be loved and taken care of, but you won’t let anybody do that for you. You’re retreating into your coping mechanism, and it’s not healthy.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” she hissed.
His voice was beginning to get louder. “This is what you always do! You push away any man who tries to love you. You sit there and obsess over your imperfections, you convince yourself that you’re not worthy of love, and then you push away anybody who tries to love you.”
“That is not true!” she said, tears now beginning to build up in her eyes. She’d known she needed to talk to him, but she never meant for the conversation to wade this deep into their issues, and now she was beginning to regret opening this can of worms.
“Really, Amelia?” he scoffed. “It’s not true? Because the only time I know of when you’ve ever let a man who wasn’t your father or your brother love you fully, completely, and without reservation was when you were both high out of your minds the entire time!”
It happened before she even realized it had. One moment her mouth was hanging open as she absorbed the shock of his words, the next her right hand was stinging, and a red handprint adorned his left cheek. It took her a few seconds to even realize what had caused the popping noise she’d heard. “How dare you!” she screeched. “You do not get to throw Ryan in my face!” she shouted, voice cracking as the tears poured freely down her face. “You weren’t there. You don’t know how much it broke me to relapse and to lose him. You have no idea. So don’t you dare throw that in my face like it’s just some pawn for your argument.”
“You’re right, I don’t know!” he yelled back. “I don’t know because you’ve never let me know. You just moved out of the house and stopped talking to me as soon as things got hard. How am I supposed to help you deal with any of this if you won’t even tell me about it?”
“It’s not just a matter of you helping me through these things!” By now, her face was splotchy, and her eyes were puffy. “You act like I’m the broken one and you’re doing perfect and all the two of us need is for you to know all of my issues so you can make me whole again. But that’s not how this works. You have issues too.”
She was about to continue, but he started speaking before she could. “Amelia, I never said I was perfect. I know I have lots of issues. We have to work on our issues together. That’s how a marriage works.”
“It doesn’t always work out like that, though,” she said. “Sometimes two people are married, and they’re both broken. And sometimes, when you put their two kinds of brokenness together, they break each other apart even more instead of helping each other put the pieces back together. You don’t know all of my brokenness, Owen. You don’t know the ways in which the pain I carry could cut open your wounds and make you hurt more than you can take. You don’t know that we can help each other put it back together. Sometimes that’s just not possible. You of all people should know that.”
His eyes widened in shock. He hadn’t expected her to bring up his marriage with Cristina. It hurt a lot more than he’d thought it would. He was very tempted to walk away from this conversation, but he’d committed to beginning to talk things out, so he gathered what little bits of composure he had left and did his best to come up with something productive to say. “Amelia, I know that sometimes it doesn’t work out. And like you said, I know just how badly it hurts when it doesn’t. You’re right, maybe when we lay all of our issues out on the table we won’t be able to make it work, but I want to try because I love you. And when you love someone, you don’t just give up without trying to fix what was broken. So I’m committed to trying because I love you too much to let you go without trying. Do you love me, Amelia?” 
“Owen, I just think-,” she began, but he cut her off.
“Do you love me, Amelia?” he repeated slowly, emphasizing each word. She said nothing, merely nodding as she continued to wipe tears from her eyes. “Then we need to keep working. Because two people who love each other shouldn’t walk away without seeing if there’s a way to fix it. I know that’s not going to all get figured out today. Hell, we probably won’t figure out any of it today, but that’s okay. Right now, I just need you to trust me. Trust me to love you and help you through your recovery. Trust me to be willing to come back to this conversation once you’re recovered and try to work out where we went wrong. Trust me not to take the easy way out and ignore our problems, but to put in the work so that we can build a life together. Can you do that?”
“Yeah,” she whispered, hiccuping slightly as she composed herself after all of the tears. “I think I can try. But I need you to understand that this is hard for me, and this is a lot all at once. We went from hardly speaking and seeing each other to sharing a bed again. There are going to be moments when that change feels like too much for me, and I’ll need you to give me some space. Can you do that?”
He nodded. “Yeah, I can do that.” She closed her eyes, grateful that he was accepting her request. “Now can I get a hug?” he asked, tilting his head to the right and slightly opening his arms. She nodded before stepping into his arms and wrapping her own arms tightly around his waist. He held her against him, breathed in the scent of her shampoo, and took a moment to be thankful to have her back in his arms again. For a moment, he thought about kissing her, but he decided against it. That probably wasn’t what she was looking for when she’d asked him to give her some space. Instead, he made himself content to merely stand there, holding her in the living room, being thankful for the small steps forward they’d made in their conversation.
After several minutes, she pulled back from his embrace and looked up to meet his eyes. “Owen?” she asked.
“Yeah,” he replied softly.
“Would it be okay if I go back to our bedroom and spend some time in there alone? We just had a really heavy conversation, and I think I need some time and space.”
“Of course,” he nodded with a smile. She wasn’t running. He was confident of that now. She was just overwhelmed, and she needed him to trust her to take a bit of time to process her emotions without completely shutting him out. He could do that for her. “But, Amelia?” he asked.
“Hmm,” she replied, turning back toward him as she was already walking toward the bedroom.
“I think you might want to grab some clothes from the basket. You’ve been walking around in that towel for quite a while.”
She burst into giggles. Through all of the passionate emotions of their conversation, she’d forgotten that she had been standing there in her towel. She strolled over to the basket, picked up a shirt and some sweats, looked back at him, giggled again, and turned back to walk to the bedroom. As he watched the door close, a small smile broke out over his face. That silly little moment had been the hope he didn’t know he needed. The way they’d found a glimmer of light and joy in such a painful conversation made him believe that they might actually be able to figure all of this out. These were just baby steps, but maybe enough baby steps would eventually bring them back together.
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imaginetonyandbucky · 7 years
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Imagine JARVIS never stops hacking into SHIELD files after Avengers first movie (Obie taught him a lesson and he wanted to protect Sir after the nuke was sent out) and of course after a while discovers Hydra, the files of the Winter Soldier and of course the mission report of December 16, 1991. Tony has time to come to terms with the fact, therefore searches for Bucky, destroying Hydra on the way, gets rid of the mind control (BARF) and later they fall in love.
prompts, winteriron, tony stark, bucky barnes, tony x bucky,February,2014
“Wakeup, Daddy’s home.” The lights in the workshop flickered to life,but it seemed empty without DUM-E and U coming to greet him.
“Goodevening, sir,” JARVIS said. “And may I say what a relief it is tohave you home. Again.”
“Thanks,Jay,” Tony said. He dropped into the workstation chair and rubbedabsently at his chest. It was strange, not to have the arc reactoranymore. Helen -- you could call your doctor by their given name oncethey’d literallyhadyour heart in their hands, right? -- Helen had done an amazing jobwith the reconstructive surgery.
“ShallI contact the usual suppliers to see about having the Malibu houserebuilt?” JARVIS asked.
Tonyconsidered it. It would take months to rebuild the place, while therepairs and upgrades to Stark Tower had been completed months ago.Bruce was already here; Tony might as well just move back to NewYork, finally get around to issuing invitations to the rest of theAvengers. “Not yet,” he said. “Arrange to have the bratsrecovered and I’ll drive out and bring ‘em back here.”
“Verygood, sir,” JARVIS said. “If you have no urgent business, I’veuncovered some information that you might wish to review.” Adisplay screen came to life and began spitting up windows ofinformation.
Tonyfrowned. “What am I looking at?”
“Whileyou were in recovery, sir, I took it upon myself to do some digging.Surmising that you would wish to know why SHIELD was not already incontrol of the Mandarin situation, I re-activated the backdoor codewe inserted into their mainframes.”
“Thesefiles are way older than that,” Tony said, flicking through them.“These go back decades.”
“Yes,sir,” JARVIS said delicately. “It appears that SHIELD may becompromised. I do urge you to particularly review the files that I’veflagged for your attention. And, sir... I’m sorry.”  
[mobile readers, ‘ware the read-more!]
March,2014
“Whatthe hell, Rogers,” Tony demanded, before he’d even pushed all theway through the hospital room door. Steve’s new guy, Wilson, boltedupright in the terrible visitor’s chair. Good reflexes. The instantWilson realized who Tony was, his eyes went big and round. Fast onthe uptake, too.
“You,I like you,” Tony said, clapping Wilson on the shoulder. “Come toNew York soon, we’ll get you some new wings.” He turned back tothe bed. Christ, but Cap was a mess. “I repeat, Rogers: what. Theactual. Hell.”
Stevecracked an eyelid -- the one that wasn’t surrounded by a mass ofbruises and stitched shut around the occipital bone. “Nice to seeyou too, Tony.”
“Youdon’t call, you don’t write,” Tony complained. “Bruce and I,we’re hurt, you didn’t invite us to the party.”
Stevetried to laugh and it turned into a weak cough. “C’mon, Tony, youknow I’m not gonna call the heavy hitters for the little stuff.”
“Thelittle stuff, like our purported leadership being riddled withHydra?” Tony challenged. “Or stuff like their number one assassinbeing your old right hand man?”
Thehumor fell off Steve’s face in a hurry. “You knew?”
“Onlyfor a couple of weeks,” Tony said. “JARVIS was vacationing inSHIELD’s systems and stumbled across some red flags. I tipped Furyoff that something was rotten and he asked me to keep it under my hatwhile he set up a sting. That bastard plays things so close to thechest that his own ribs can’t see the cards.”
“Youknew about Bucky,” Steve said, sounding even more breathless.
“Yeah,well, it took me a while to figure out what to do about that, soyou’ll have to excuse me for not texting you right away with myreview of the videofootage of him murdering my parents,”Tony snapped.
Stevewent even paler than he already was. “He-- Shit, Tony, I’m sorry.Zola told me Hydra had them killed, but I didn’t realize they’dused Bucky to do it.”
“Soit looks like we’re both guilty of holding back information,”Tony said. “Were you going to tell me?”
Steve’smouth tightened. “I’ve been a little busy, the last few days,”he said. “Hadn’t quite worked it all through yet.”
“Well,you’re you,”Tony said, more lightly than he felt. “I’m sure you’d havedecided to do what was right.” He glanced at Wilson, then lookedback at Steve. “Romanov says you’re planning to go after him.”
“Ofcourse I am,” Steve said, because of course he was. “Tony, it...it wasn’t him.You know that, right?”
Tonyhad to close his eyes. “Yeah,” he sighed. “If I’d had him infront of me right after I found out, I don’t know what I would’vedone, but... Once I calmed down and thought it through, I knew. Dadrecognizedhim,and he didn’t even--” Tony had to stop, to swallow around a tightthroat.
Stevelooked grim. “I’m sorry, Tony. I am.”
“Yeah,”Tony managed. “We’re going to make those assholes pay, though.”
“Damnright we will,” Steve agreed. “For your parents andforBucky. And undo whatever they put in his head.”
“Well,I’ve got some thoughts about that,” Tony said. “A littlesomething Bruce and I were working on together. You work on findingyour boy, and I’ll see what we can do about bringing him back.”
July 2015
“It’scalled Binarily Augmented Retrofitted Framing,” Tony said. “BARFfor short, and don’t say it -- we’re working on a new acronym.”
Atthe other end of the table, flanked by Steve and Sam, Bucky Barnesstared at his hands where they were clasped in front of him. “Hydrahad a device, too,” he said, almost too quiet for Tony to hear. Heswallowed, licked his lips, swallowed again. “It... hurt.”
“Yeah,I’ve seen the specs,” Tony said. “They were literally burningout chunks of your brain. The initial concept for BARF was traumarecovery -- specifically, I was going to use it on myself,and I am very attached to alltheparts of my brain, so while it’s not exactly a skip through thepark, it’s not going to cause any physicaldamage.The way this works...” Tony considered ways to explain how thememory retrofit worked. None of the men at the other end of the tablewere lacking in intelligence, but they weren’t geniuses, either.“You ever been in an argument, and then hours later, thought of theperfect thing to say, too late to actually say it? And you keepreplaying that conversation over and over in your head, wishing you’dthought of it at the right moment, to the point where sometimes thatreplay is a stronger memory than the actual event? This is like that,but a hundred times stronger and faster. It can’t change what’shappened, obviously, but it can adjust your responsetoit, let you rebuild the lesson that you took away from it.”
“Andit will fix me?” Barnes said, intent. “It will take theselandmines out of my head?”
“Ibelieve so,” Tony said. “You’re a special case, so we won’tknow for certain until we give it a shot, but I feel pretty confidentabout it.”
Barnesworried at his lip with his teeth.
“Youdon’t have to do this,” Steve said, earnest and sorrowful.“You’ll have to witness the worst of the things they did to you.I can’t imagine how unpleasant that would be. We can find anotherway.”
“WhileI just while away my days in the Hulk Room?” Barnes said, not quitesharp. “Maybe it shouldbeunpleasant. Maybe that would be the smallest amount of justice forthe lives I took.”
“Buck,”Steve said. Tony could hear the crack in his voice from across theroom. “That wasn’t you. I keep telling you--”
“Itwas my hands,” Barnes said. He turned his hands over, as ifsearching for evidence of the blood they’d spilled. “I did it.Maybe I didn’t make that choice. But I did it anyway.” He lookedup at Tony, and it wasn’t until that moment Tony realized, with astart, that it was the first time Barnes had met Tony’s eyes sinceSteve had brought him to the Tower.
Barneshad pale blue eyes, almost the color of silver, and that gaze wassteady. “I’ll do it. Set it up.”
Theyset it up in the Hulk Room, in case Barnes was triggered. No one elsewould be able to see what he saw, Tony promised. Tony had done aprojection for the presentation at MIT, but that wasn’t a necessarycomponent of the system. And Tony figured, some things a man wantedto keep private.
Onthe other side of the glass, all Tony would be able to see werevitals and brainwave patterns, adrenaline levels and involuntarymuscle responses. Because Steve was hovering like a nervous newparent, Tony went through a session himself to show them what itlooked like from the outside, with Bruce at the monitoring station.
Hetook himself through the wormhole again, made himself stare up intothe black space and count the alien ships in their thousands. Iwill survive this,he told them, andwe willdefeatyou.
Tonylasted about five minutes in that memory, and came back to himselfpanting and dizzy, and outside the heavy glass of the Hulk Room,Bruce looked resigned and Sam looked worried and Steve looked grave.And Barnes...
Barneswas pale as a sheet, but his jaw was set and his eyes were locked onTony’s face. When their eyes met, he nodded, once grim.
Barneswas in the first memory for all of about ninety seconds when heripped off the goggles and fell to his knees, retching.
“Bucky!”Steve yelled, banging on the glass. “Bucky, what happened? Are youokay?”
“Ohgod,” Barnes gasped. “It’s so fuckin’ real...”He rocked back onto his heels and flapped a hand at Steve. “Stopthat, Rogers, you’re makin’ it worse.” He took a few deepbreaths, then looked straight at Tony, ignoring the way Steve waspractically pressed against the wall. “Let’s get this cleaned up,and get me a bucket or something for the next run.”
March 2016
Buckywas waiting for Tony outside the Hulk Room, just like always, leaningagainst the wall with his hands stuffed in his pockets. “Mornin’dollface,” he said without looking up. “Ready to dance?”
Theflirting had started a couple of months ago. Progress was slow, withfrequent setbacks, and the situation needed a little humor from timeto time. Tony could only helplessly admire his determination anddrive.
“WhySergeant Barnes,” Tony gasped, firing up the monitoring equipmentone-handed, “are you getting fresh with me?”
Buckygave him a wide-eyed look. “I wouldn’t dare try it, not with youbein’ so far outta my league,” he said. “All I want’s a danceor two.”
“Yousay that now,” Tony said. “But I know what you’re reallyafter.” He tapped the last code in and the pneumatic seal on theHulk Room’s door released with a hiss.
Buckyflinched -- his work with the BARF hadn’t stopped him fromdeveloping new pavlovian responses, and that sound was guaranteed tomake him pale and queasy. It didn’t stop him, though. He scooped upthe goggles and headpiece and stepped through the door without anyhesitation.
Asthe door swung slowly shut, Bucky slipped on the headpiece, adjustingits position with the ease of long practice, and covered his prettyeyes with the VR goggles. “Maybe this time,” he said, so quietlythat Tony wasn’t sure he was hearing it right, “I’ll make youproud enough to say yes.”
May 2017
Buckyhad gone pale when they’d walked into the room with the scanner, somuch blood draining away from his face that his lips had taken on ablueish tint, and his hand had trembled in Tony’s grip. But hedidn’t hesitate, even for an instant. He climbed into the chair andvery deliberately curled his hands over the ends of the armrests, hiseyes locked on Tony as he licked his lips.
“Areyou certain you wish to remain?” T’challa asked. “If he is notfully recovered, you will be in great danger.”
Tonylooked away from Bucky only for an instant, to let T’challa see thedetermination in his eyes, and then shifted his gaze back to Bucky.“I’ve been putting my life in the hands of my tech for more thana decade,” he said firmly. “He’s clean. This is only aformality.”
T’challawanted to argue; Tony could feel it hanging in the air. Tony wasready to tell him where to stick it -- Steve hadn’t been permittedto attend this review, and it was only after some rather franticnegotiation that the U.N. had agreed to let Tony come along forBucky’s moral support.
Finally,T’challa bowed his head, accepting. “Very well,” he agreed, andturned to the Wakandan neuroscientist and the team of expertsassigned by the U.N. who would be verifying Bucky’s mental state.“You may begin.”
Acomputer technician approached and Bucky closed his eyes tightly.“Try to relax,” the neuroscientist said, a heavy Wakandan accentlending music to the syllables. “The process should be painless,but a thorough mapping will take some time.” She used a vividlyblue gel to attach several electrodes to Bucky’s face and neck, andspoke to the technician in Wakandan, which Tony didn’t speak, butbased on the way the screens on the computer bank flickered to lifeand began displaying graphs and numbers, they were going through astartup sequence.
“Mr.Barnes,” she said after a moment, “we will present a number ofimages to you, some still, some short scenes. The complete collectionof possible images is quite large; no one will know precisely whichimages you see, though there is an algorithm that ensures certaincategories are among those chosen. I -- and the analysts -- will seeonly your measured responses, as compared to the range of responsesfor that image already acquired. You need do nothing but allow theimages to appear; your subconscious response will be measured almostinstantaneously. Do you understand the procedure, Mr. Barnes?”
Buckynodded without opening his eyes.
“Doyou consent to the procedure?” she asked.
“It’swhy we came all this way,” he said, voice husky. “Might ‘swell.”
Thescientist looked tolerably amused, but pressed, “I must have aclear affirmative before we begin, Mr. Barnes.”
Buckyhuffed. “Yes,” he said. “I consent.”
“Thankyou.” She nodded at them both. “I will be watching from theobservation room,” she told them. “If you need to call a halt,you need only say so.” She left the room, very carefully closingthe door behind her.
Whenthe heavy bolts shot home, sealing them in, Bucky’s eyes flew open.“They didn’t strap me down,” he said.
“Noneed,” Tony said lightly. “You’re going to be fine.”
“I’mscared,” Bucky admitted in a whisper.
Tonytook Bucky’s hand in his own. “I’ll be right here the wholetime,” he promised.
Buckystarted to answer, but then frowned slightly, his eyes goingunfocused. It had begun.
Unableto see the images that Bucky was getting, his outward responses weresomewhat mystifying to Tony. His breathing and heart rate sped andslowed, his pupils dilated and contracted, muscles all over his bodytwitched. He smiled, he frowned, he grimaced. His skin flushed andthen faded. Once he choked out, “No!” Some time later, hewhispered, “Please,” but he sounded... happy?
“Arethey showing you porn in there?” Tony teased.
Buckycocked his head, eyes flicking around in sightless confusion. Itfaded again after a moment, and Tony kept his mouth shut after that.
Thecomplete process took hours,but Bucky never asked for a break, and perforce, neither did Tony. Bythe time it was done, Bucky was soaked with sweat and shaking like aleaf. The scanning equipment powered down, and Bucky’s eyes slowlyfocused on Tony. “They done?” he asked, his voice a hoarse rasp.
“Thinkso,” Tony said. “You okay?”
“Hell,no,” Bucky said. “That was... that was rough.”
“Yeah,”Tony agreed. “But you did great.”
“We’llsee, I guess.” Bucky didn’t look too confident.
Tonyglanced toward the door -- it would be just like those petty U.N.officials to draw out their deliberation just because they could,making Bucky sweat out of a sense of power. “Hey, after they cut usloose,” Tony said, trying for distraction, “how about dinner?Wakandan cuisine is really something, and it’s hard to come by ifyou’re not actually in Wakanda.”
“Youaskin’ for a date, gorgeous?” Bucky managed a wan smile.
“Well,if you don’t have a more pressing engagement,” Tony said, liftinghis eyebrows, “yes.”
Bucky’seyes went round. “Wait, really?”
Tonyheld out his hand, palm up, offering. Slowly, Bucky took it, and Tonyclosed his fingers around Bucky’s, smiling. “For the record,because I didn’t think you’d believe me until this was allsettled, I’ve been proud of you since the first time you said you’dtry it. And I’ve wanted to take you out for months.”
Thelight and wonder in Bucky’s eyes was worth all the heartache andwork it had taken to get to this moment, Tony thought. “I neverthought,” Bucky whispered, “never thought I’d--”
Thedoor opened to reveal T’challa, the doctor and the U.N. committeehead behind him. He met Tony’s eyes, then Bucky’s. Slow, like asleepy cat, he smiled.
~ @everyworldneedslove
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leigh-kelly · 7 years
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