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padfootagain · 2 days

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Only an Almost (XV)

Chapter 15: Aftermath

Hi! Here comes a new chapter!

We’re still dealing with a lot of angst! Sorry (not sorry)!

I hope you’ll like this chapter! Please, tell me what you think!

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Pairing: Hozier x fem!reader, friends with benefits AU

Warning: No explicit smut or nsfw content, but there are sexual themes and heavy make-out sessions (it’s a friends with benefits AU, I can’t really escape it), so 18+ only!

Summary: Andrew has been in love with you for years, and yet he has never confessed his feelings. But a night out celebrating the engagement of his best friend changes everything. However, you don't seem ready to be with him just yet. You make him an offer that he can't refuse... but will certainly regret.

Word Count : 2387

Masterlist for the series – Hozier’s Masterlist – Main Masterlist

You had called a dozen times, and Andrew had refused to answer.

After a night spent at his parents’, he felt better, although he was still devastated. He reckoned he would need a long time to get over this. Over you…

His brother stopped by the next day, just to check on him, but Andrew put on a brave face and played it off. Jon was everything but fooled. He stayed for dinner and well into the night. Sam was the one dispatched the next day to keep an eye on Andrew, who was beginning to be seriously annoyed at this game of babysitting.

Sam had been trying to get a conversation going for the last twenty minutes, but Andrew wasn’t in the mood to socialize and make an effort to fight his introverted tendencies.

Besides, there was a question on the tip of his tongue he was afraid to ask. He didn’t want to be angry at his best friend…

“Have you heard about the next rugby match? They say we’re up for a proper challenge against the French!”

“Hmmm…”

Sam finally heaved an annoyed sigh, but his voice was still gentle when he spoke.

“Come on, Andy! Say something! You haven’t spoken more than three words since I’ve arrived.”

“I’ve never asked you to come in the first place.”

“I’m just trying to be supportive. And a good friend. So… talk to me. Cry on my shoulder, I don’t know…”

A heavy silence followed, while Sam stared at his friend, sitting on his comfortable couch, the crackling of a fire in the hearth and the distant chanting of birds the only sounds to disturb the silence. Andrew was staring at the pine trees on the other side of the window, how their branches swayed in the wind.

“Did you know?”

Andrew’s question came out of the blue, making Sam frown. He was still staring at nothing as his deep voice cut the air like a knife. Calm, cold, deadly so…

“When you called me the other night to tell me to speak with Y/N… did you know that she wanted to dump me to date someone else?” he went on.

Sam didn’t answer, it was only then that Andrew turned his gaze to him again.

“You knew,” he let out in a bitter chuckle.

“I didn’t,” Sam defended himself. “I didn’t, I just… She told Daphne that someone had asked her out, but we didn’t know if she had accepted to go or not. I just… we just wanted you to have a chance to tell her how you felt before she would take a decision.”

“A little late for that.”

“Oh, come on! Don’t put the blame on me, that’s unfair! You’ve known Y/N for years, you’ve been head over heels for her for so fucking long, and you’ve been sleeping with her for months! You had plenty of time to tell her…”

“And I shouldn’t have!” Andrew answered with anger shaking his voice, turning it into a booming sound that echoed through the living room. “I shouldn’t have kissed her that night, and I shouldn’t have slept with her, and I should have kept my bloody mouth shut!”

“Of course not, you were right to finally act on your feelings!”

“Was I? Look where it got me!”

He heaved a frustrated sigh, almost a groan. Damn, he wanted to tear his own lungs apart…

“Talking to her was never the problem, Sam. She doesn’t love me. My feelings aren’t reciprocated. That’s the problem.”

“She’s making a mistake…”

“Didn’t you hear me? She doesn’t feel anything for me. She doesn’t want to be with me. She only wanted a fling, I was around, and she got one. End of story.”

Sam shook his head, but didn’t know what to add.

“I’m sorry, Andy. It makes no fucking sense to me. I was certain she felt the same… it was obvious.”

“She doesn’t want to be with me. She doesn’t want to wait around while I’m gone touring. I’m not good enough…”

“Now, stop it! You’re just wallowing in self-pity and indulging in some self-deprecating bullshit! You are good enough.”

“If I were, she wouldn’t be dating someone else,” Andrew spat back, and Sam wasn’t sure how he could counter that remark.

“You should have told me the truth,” Andrew went on after a short silence. “You should have told me there was someone else.”

“We didn’t even know she had accepted that date!”

“You should have told me. I went there hoping we could be together… that we could change it all to a proper relationship. And the next second, I’m out of the goddamn picture. It’s like… like my whole world crumbled down. You… you should have told me.”

Andrew blinked tears away, averting his eyes to hide his reaction. But his voice sounded more like a croak than a composed tone. Sam nodded.

“I’m sorry. I should have told you. I just… I’m sorry. Do you want to tell me how it went?”

“I went there. I wanted to talk, but instead we had sex. And the pillow talk that I thought was going to turn into an invitation for a proper date ended up in me running away so she wouldn’t see me cry.”

“Damn, Andy… that’s brutal.”

“Yeah…”

“I don’t understand why she acted like this. It doesn’t sound like her, it’s…”

“Cruel. Disgusting. Unfair.”

“Yeah… kind of…”

“I don’t know. I don’t understand anything. I haven’t understood a thing since we’ve started this.”

“Maybe she’s scared…”

“Stop. Stop trying to see something where there’s nothing at all. She wanted sex, and I was around. And I was foolish enough to think she cared. That’s all.”

Sam heaved a sigh, but nodded anyway.

“Have you talked to her since that night?”

“No.”

“Has she reached out?”

“Many times. I’m hesitating to block her number.”

“You should talk things out, though.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“You ran away, you said it yourself. Perhaps… perhaps if you talked, you could understand why she did this to you. Not why she doesn’t feel the same, but… why she acted like that. Why she hurt you like that.”

Andrew weighed his friend’s words. They sounded wise, but promised a lot of pain too.

“I’m not sure I want to know.”

Sam nodded again.

“Can I do anything to make you feel less terrible?”

“Not really, no. I just… I just need to process everything that happened.”

Sam rested a comforting hand on Andrew’s shoulder, but he didn’t react.

“You’re a good man, Andy. I know… I know it’s hard. But… don’t let this make you feel bad about yourself, okay? It’s not your fault. And you’re a good man.”

Andrew’s gaze followed the branches swaying back and forth with the wind.

Not good enough for her to love me…

Two weeks passed, and it was time to buy the suits for the wedding. Andrew was doing his best to smile and look the part of the perfect best man, but he was nothing but numb with pain.

You shouldn’t be there, Sam had promised that; even though the same shop was taking care of the dresses and the suits, they had different areas, to make sure that the future bride and groom would not be able to see each other. Anyway, Daphne’s appointment had begun almost two hours ago, Andrew expected that she and her bridesmaids – including you – were long gone by now.

It was a fancy place, all wooden walls and shelves of silk and wool. The style of an old, traditional tailor. The carpet was a deep shade of green and blue, leathered seats around a large room with a set of mirrors and a long wooden table at the centre. It could have been a set for some old spy movie.

If all his friends knew that something was off with him, Andrew was grateful that they didn’t insist when he answered that he didn’t want to talk about it. Sam was the only one who knew about you and him, and Andrew was set on keeping it this way.

Sam was nervous as he tried on different suits. Andrew couldn’t hide that he was entertained by it, while a tailor was taking his measurements as well. They had all agreed on some colours and models, and Andrew had answered with a polite smile to the usual joke about his height.

It was an emotional moment when Sam stood in front of a mirror, wearing the suit he would wear for his wedding. A few adjustments were necessary, there were tiny colourful pins here and there, but it was the suit. Andrew patted his shoulder with a fond smile on his lips.

“Congratulations, Sam,” he said softly, voice warm and sincere. “I’m so happy for you.”

“Thanks, mate,” his friend answered with tears in his eyes. “God… it’s really happening. I’m really going to marry the love of my life. What a lucky bastard I am, huh?”

They both laughed. Their three other friends who were there were chatting behind them, comparing a set of belts.

“A handsome fellow too,” Andrew complimented.

“Right? Not ugly enough to make Daphne run away?”

“Nah… you look sharp. Besides, she’s smitten with you… for some weird reason.”

“She must be out of her mind.”

“Without a doubt.”

Sam brushed a tear away.

“God, I’m so fucking happy…”

Andrew gave him a warm smile, an honest one, the first earnest smile he had given to anyone since that night.

“I don’t know about that thing, though…” Sam added, pointing at the blue pocket square.

He had chosen a deep shade of burgundy for his suit, while his groomsmen would be wearing brown. Andrew and Sam were to share the same shade for the pocket square though, as Andrew was his best man.

“Green could be nice,” Sam mumbled, trying to picture another colour.

“You want me to go ask for another sample?”

“Could you? That would be grand. Thanks, Andy. We should compare it to your suit too.”

Andrew merely nodded, walking out of the room in search for the tailor. He walked down a corridor, reached the hall and easily spotted the man he was looking for. He was talking with someone…

… and as he walked closer, Andrew recognised you.

Your gazes met before he could turn around and leave, and all he could do was stare with an agape mouth and a shocked expression. You froze as well, and your sudden silence made the tailor turn in Andrew’s direction.

“Can I do something for you, sir?” he asked, and Andrew forced himself to swallow so he could summon back his voice.

“Yeah… erm… sorry to bother you, we wanted to see other colours for the pocket squares, if it’s possible…”

“Of course, sir. I’ll fetch them right now.”

He added a few words to you, but Andrew had stopped listening. What the hell were you doing here? Daphne’s appointment was three hours ago…

You were so fucking beautiful… in a simple pair of blue jeans, an emerald shirt, and the sun coming in through the large shop windows. His heart was going a thousand miles a minute and he hated himself for wanting to kiss you. You had broken his heart, his soul, him… in a million pieces and his first reaction was still an urge to kiss you, and hold you, and never let go…

The tailor was gone without Andrew noticing. You took a couple of steps towards him, and he tried to walk away, but he didn’t have the strength for it.

God, he missed you so fucking much…

“Hi,” you breathed, looking quite stunned to see him there.

“Hi.”

“How is Sam doing in there?”

“Good. Daphne?”

“Grand.”

“I thought you would be gone by now.”

He saw you clenching your jaw, noticed how this must have sounded… but he didn’t apologise for it.

“Yeah… well… Daphne and her mother are taking forever,” you joked. “And you can’t just ask a future bride to hurry, so…”

“Yeah…”

He cleared his throat, tried to look away. If he looked away, perhaps he could remember what you had done to him, and then he could go back to wanting to never see you again…

“Look, I… I know that now is obviously not the right time but… do you think that we could talk? Like… properly. You… you kind of stormed out last time, and I’m not blaming you for it,” you added in a hurry, as if to hold him back. “I… I understand. But we should talk about this. Could we do that?’

“I really don’t know what we could discuss,” Andrew shrugged, his voice growing harsher even if it was still low. “You’ve met someone else, there’s nothing to add.”

“You haven’t answered a single phone call since that night.”

He let out a long exhale through his nose, clenched his jaw. Still, his voice was soft when he answered.

“I… I don’t think we should see each other for a while, Y/N.”

“But I…”

“Please, just…”

“We should talk about this! Before taking any decision, we should talk about this! Andy… please…”

There were tears in your eyes and he was so angry by the sight. He was the one with a broken heart in this, with the unrequited feelings and the shattered self-esteem. Not you. Why the fuck were you crying when he was the one who felt betrayed and used?

“Look… Just one time. Let us talk about this, just once. And then, you can never see me again if you want.”

Andrew averted his eyes, buried his hands in the pockets of his trousers. But he nodded still.

“Alright.”

“Are you free tomorrow night?”

He nodded again.

“Alright, then… come to my place tomorrow, okay? We can talk this through.”

He nodded, unable to look up at you again, he knew he would start crying if he did.

And then the tailor was back, talking about the colours of pocket squares, and Andrew followed him in silence back to Sam, and the happiness of a friend Andrew was determined not to taint with his own sorrow. He was smiling when he looked at the green fabrics the tailor had to offer.

#andrew hozier byrne #hozier #the hoziest #hozier x reader #hozier x you #hozier x y/n #hozier x fem!reader #hozier fanfiction #hozier series #fanfiction #fanfic #hozier fanfic #hozier imagine #series #writing

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renthony · 1 day

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I put a lot of time and effort into things I feel are important, but a lot of the time it feels like people see me as nothing more than an unemployed loser who spends too much time on the internet. I'm a fat autistic weirdo with a patchy beard, so people treat me like I'm a lazy mooch with no real life or ambition.

I love my work. I do. But it gets really demoralizing when so many people look at me like all I do is watch cartoons and leech off society.

I've lost count of how many times people have told me I should put my energy into "something useful," as if the study of queer media history and censorship is nothing. People genuinely think the shit I do is just fandom hobby time instead of a worthwhile academic pursuit. And I fucking hate it.

I just want to feel like what I choose to do with my life has value. 🙃

#original post

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ancientgoddessofegypt · 2 days

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All About The Trines Pt. 1 : Sun's Rising

Alright, so today's focus is about the beautiful trines in astrology.

Whether its in the natal chart, synastry, or even a transit. Trines are very interesting associations that connect the planets together. It is a natural force that takes just a tiny bit of effort, but once you get a taste of it, you gotta pull its string a little. Just so you can get more of it. When you do this, it'll become a stronger sensation. And it will mean much more throughout your lifetime (natal) if you play your cards right.

So whatever planets you have trine in your chart, also look to the houses. Because it shows that the energies of these houses blend together to create something natural, powerful, and authentic.

So, here is a few observations I have on some trines. This'll be part 1 because there is so many, but if you feel I missed yours or your just interested in learning different trines in any chart, feel free to let me know and I can add it in pt.2.

So you ready? Lets ride.

Sun trine Moon

To have this in a natal chart shows theres a compassionate nature that comes out of the individual. They have a creative force that is authentic, yet inspirational. Interesting, but very divine. You attract people like honey, and your words fuel the gates to return to heaven. I mean that seriously. Its a beautiful placement overall. It has this flow that is strong, yet soft. Blissful, yet hard to come by. These people seem to be protected by a hidden force that is deeply felt. Like their connected to the archangels or something. A sun trine moon individual must weave their power in order to get into their bag. In order to truly capture this, they must allow their souls to express itself freely. And whatever feelings come out of the surface is what they should allow to flow through air, and allow others to flow with its being.

Sun trine Jupiter

A person with this special persona is up for a real treat. Lucky experiences can take shape in the houses these two planets are in. They change abruptly, thats jupiters domain. This release they feel comes from the brain, and out into the world. The body holds onto this magic, and awaits for it turns to absorb any more of it that they can get. This is so that when the time is right, they can create realities out of thin air. And have a magical race into the sunset. Lol. its a one of a kind placement.

So lets get serious for a bit, sun trine jupiter placements have a knack for picking up on the finest lines of social stimulation. So much so, they tend to get into fortunate experiences every chance they get. They know to take a chance and to allow things to come in when need be. Optimistic nature is a given, so they dont work to hard to get what they need/want. This might be different if Jupiter is in retrograde, as time and time again it will show a different discretion. Hoping for something different and not getting the results (we will talk about retrograde planets in aspects later). Overall, this placement is a natural force of divine intervention, and a worthy placement to have when you're feeling good & lucky.

Sun trine Mars

There energy is always up for the challenge. Their honestly gifted in areas where their soul can jump into high intensity inducing things. Their energy is powerful, strong and vital. And this type of placement needs more time and structure than any other. It is because this placement needs time to focus its energy onto something, as martians typically need to put themselves on overdrive to use up some of that intensity they have in their bodies. Their expression (sun) ties real well with the bold like persona (mars) of an individual who knows what they want. These people are pretty confident naturally, and need no ones help on getting to what they desire. Although it would be nice, these placements typically know their way around. Because it is a trine, its flow and force is deeply penetrating. I would say this makes them more well liked but it isn't true. Martians tend to be unlikeable due to unconfident people or others not being able to catch the flow they have and tame it. Its inspirational by nature because it uses its force to capture an authentic moment that describes who they are. Their just naturally equipped to due dangerous things, or things people are too scared to do and shy away from, This is what makes them sexy. If you have this placement or anyone with it, please tell them to try new things that dare them to go above and beyond. You dont know what'll make of it, thats the surprise all along. It's truly a one of its kind.

Sun trine Pluto

Ah, the gift that keeps on giving. Here, I believe this placement can be very authorative. It has a special quality to it where people who heal others can weave their ability to make amends with the psyche and what wounds they've been carrying around for some time, and open up to a higher awakening so that their souls can meet a new cycle they've been dreaming of for a while.

These individuals have what it takes to move on from cycles that no longer serve them. Their energy is built on capturing the moment to when it times to breathe their last, they are transforming into the next big thing. Every single time. It's like the butterfly effect but in human form. Its capable of treating others in a way that reflects back into their inner circle. That domain they keep their hidden selves in up until they meet a sun/pluto individual. You make them wonder what its like to live on the other side. On edge. On an emotional rollercoaster, but the one that shares its joy and authenticity at the end of the ride. It makes you wonder, what are they truly hiding? Because they make themselves look so well put together after everything done.

Sun trine Saturn

Structure & Foundation is a karmic blessing for them. They do have a gift inside of them that helps them get through the day. They understand that things really don't come as hard, but as easy as people say. I love this placement simply because there is a sense of maturity already present in the individual, that they don't need to oversell it and potentially lose their childhood. They kind of know what they want and what they have to do to get it respectfully so they can grow into that thing they are looking into. It's like a person who is consciously aware they're like a 'tree', one that grows with time and can't be rushed.. so their patience for things is really top tier (unless they have other placements with mars that say otherwise). They naturally carry a sense of wisdom that is given to them by birth, and they tend to know what their talking about early on. Even if they haven't gone thru it themselves. Great and carrying personas and could be like teachers even at a young age. A wonderful placement to catch in the chart.

Sun trine Neptune

Oh my gawd. These wonderful placement holders have a GIFT from God. Naturally empathetic, intuitive, and can really see into the soul. Their so talented in what they do and what they come up with and they intrigue people (like their sun/uranus buddies) in a propelling way. They are the light that the world needs when things get to ugly, to dark, to serious. They connect to the ethers in a way that others may have forgotten, or have never knew before. The way sun trine neptune can pick up on energies before it shows up in the room, or the way they are able to read other people and understand the differences between them and others makes them likeable and rejected by society at the same time. Like I said, they can be pretty interesting. But there connection to the stars is unmatched.

Sun trine Uranus

Compelling natures. Quick-witted. And has a looooooad of information in those brains that can't go unnoticed. Literal geniuses in those little bodies of theirs. Their intellectual but their force is so much more than that. You can't keep up with them. Their literally 20 years away while everyone is trying to catch up. Make fun of them now, copy them later. It's the usual. They know they shock the world, but do they care? Not exactly. There is an innate understanding on how the world works, and their rebellion is far past the way society moves. They're just different, theres nothing for them to prove. They ease into this as they age as well.

Sun trine North Node

Rahu has its mark here.. Very interesting considering that their mortal enemies. In a trine its no different. These two have a fiery nature when together. So a person with this in a natal chart have a drive that is incapable of stopping any time soon. There destiny wants it, but do they need it? They have to go with the flow, which is incredibly interesting because trines work that way. But with rahu against the sun? Whew. They got some work to do. If it’s talent you wanna see, then with this placement you just might get it. You gotta work hard at it though because rahu isn’t letting up lol.

Sun trine South Node

Beneficial factors play here because ketu is sweetened with the suns magic. Your souls purpose becomes a factor in a way that you aren't creating anything out of thin air, it just comes to you. Your soul's spirit was ready to take on the mission since the day you was born. So you're capable of anything. You just have to wait for the right time, because it's divine intervention that takes the cake here.

I hope you guys enjoyed this small interp on the trines connecting to the sun! Beautiful placements.

Also if anyone was wondering, the sun cannot trine venus and mercury since they can't be no more than two signs away from each other. Hope that helps.

Anyways, if you have any questions feel free to ask in the comments!

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momowoah · 1 day

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Okay but I really think that the worst part is that this is season seven. Unless they're planning to turn 9-1-1 into the new Grey's Anatomy the chances of us being already in the final half of the show are huge. I'm not saying that there shouldn't be any drama, but the characters should've started to go forward, and yet nearly all of them feel stuck in the same place they have been for several seasons. Or should I say 2-3 seasons?

tldr: all/most S7 storylines were either useless in the long run or recycles. The only characters who had storylines on the good side of the scale (as in, they helped the characters develop and move to a new place in their lives) were Maddie and Chimney (and maybe Buck but he's on thin ice). All the characters are back to the same place they were in s4/s5. It's probably TM's fault. This shouldn't be happening in a 7th season.

(really long post under the cut but worth it imo)

Bobby and Athena had a whole seven episodes for their storylines and yet it didn't significantly change anything about them or their relationship. The doubts of how they are when they're at peace that were brought up in ep1 ended up not being addressed at all. We started the season with what was supposed to be this huge thing in their relationship and it was just never brought up again! Instead they put bathena through distress again just for the sake of being dramatic. And while I'm extremely glad we got Amir and think there were several high points in his storyline, what difference did it make in the long run? Yes, it brought up interesting things to Bobby's storyline, such as more insight into his childhood and the chance for him to explore another side of the fire he caused, but is it going to change anything? No! Bobby will be reinstated in S8 bc that's just how these things go, and I doubt they'll put any effort to continue the survivors storyline. I'd bet it'll just be ignored in the next seasons.

Hen and Karen have been trying for YEARS AND YEARS to adopt a child and they just can't let them! As a wlw, do you know how awful that is to watch? Seeing them fail time and time again and have their family broken up once again just because??? It was one thing with Nia, she got a happy ending, but that wasn't the case with Mara. The best thing for everyone involved would be for her to stay with Hen and Karen, but they blew it up. I know she's with Madney, but it's not the fucking same. Why do they have to go through this again? Why can't they finally get the family they've spent years fighting for? Why can't the drama be about anything else, why does it have to be about failed adoptions? I've seen this enough times before. Why not let them be able to adopt???? Why? I'm genuinely upset abt this btw, probably more than about anything else that went down.

Buck got to finally come out and it was great but instead of taking it as an opportunity to let him grow into himself they just threw him right back into the hamster wheel of dating people who are either not fully into him or who he's not fully into. (if you like bt probably skip the rest of this paragraph but I'd also be upset about how they're handling them if I liked the ship bc I liked the previous bt and they did something similar to them lol) Tommy's behavior could be explained away at first, but I feel like time and time again the show goes the extra mile to make him uninterested in Buck or just straight up an asshole to him? Instead of taking the small opportunities of portraying them as a healthy happy couple they just consistently screw up their relationship? They're not the couple I support but even then I wanted them to be good together bc I want Buck to be happy, and yet all we get is this?

I don't even have words about Eddie, especially considering what rg has said about him destroying his life and possibly reverting back to military no emotions mode next season. WHY CAN'T HE BE HAPPY? We already saw him break down, WE'VE ALREADY HAD A STORYLINE ABOUT HIM REBUILDING HIS LIFE, but happiness is boring so now he has to ruin his relationship with his son too right? It just pisses me off how they go about his character sometimes. I liked that they were bringing back the Shannon storyline because he was supposed to be able to finally move on, but this wasn't about that. No, it was about retraumatizing Eddie and Chris and splitting them up at a time when they should be leaning on each other and healing, because Chris has also been suffering with the Shannon stuff. We saw it in fucking ep 1. Don't even get me started on the Marisol stuff because idek why she was there at all. Literally don't get it. We had an off-screen breakup anyways. She wasn't relevant at all to anything that happened. Why was she even there? I'm genuinely asking. The only Eddie arc that has some positive potential for next season is him dealing with his relationship with religion (especially if they tie it to the military and the way he lives his life for others' expectations), but tbh I don't trust them not to fuck it up.

Finally, I don't have complaints about madney, except for why tf was Maddie so absent this season? The wedding episode was all about Chimney (who was also maybe kinda missing tbh), and although I love him and his backstory and the opportunity to see Kevin again, I really wanted it to be about their relationship, since it was their wedding, yk. Dispatch was also severely under utilized. We did get the 7x07 Maddie plotline and it might've been bc it was a shortened season but yeah, I'm still not that satisfied.

So, we have all the characters stuck in places they've been before. More specifically, in the place they were in season 4/5. Bathena relationship problems followed by a life threatening situation? Check. Henren struggling with adoption? Check. Buck getting into what was supposed to be a good relationship only for it to end up going really bad? Check. Eddie struggling with relationships and his mental health going to hell? Check. Madney in a good place with a new child and about to have an awful fucking time? Hopefully just check for the first part. And you know which question this makes me ask? It's whether Tim Minear is just reverting everyone to their s4 state out of spite for the seasons he was away. And even if it is a genuine attempt at getting the show back on the track he wanted out of good intentions, it still sucks, because it doesn't change the fact that it is just a repeat of old storylines. I actually complained at this before the show even aired, but (iirc) I ended up deleting my post because I thought that I was just overreacting. Guess what? I fucking wasn't, bc that's EXACTLY what they did.

Now, going back to the start of this post, the reason why all these storylines suck so much is not that they are bad. It's not even that they aren't original. No, it's the fact that we're doing storylines that belong in the fourth or fifth season of a show in its seventh season. Even the Gerrard plotline, which is new to 9-1-1, feels like it came too late, because the split up crew/villain captain storyline tends to happen much sooner in procedurals, and for a reason. Besides the fact that this was never really a big bad type of show and I don't get why they are making it one all of a sudden, and ignoring the fact that Gerrard being brought back as captain, especially to the 118 of all places, makes no fucking sense, that kind of plotline is one that it's obviously always temporary. No one believes he'll still be the captain by the end of 8A, much less by the end of the season. He'll hardly survive the first 3-5 episodes. That's ultimately a filler storyline. It helps the show go on for longer, it might even help in the development of a couple characters, but at the end of the day it doesn't change anything, which appears to be a recurring theme when it comes to 9-1-1 storylines.

The reason I have a problem with this is that we don't need a filler storyline, because no one knows whether the show has the luxury of taking its sweet time. Yeah, it has a huge audience and it is doing good numbers, but it is still a fucking money pit that was already cancelled once and it's unsustainable on the long run. It might not end that soon, but is it honestly going to reach season 14? Does anyone truly think that we've only seen half of it (or less) so far? Because I don't. Not many shows make it that far, and there's a reason for that. We have three huge names who are extremely important to the show. What happens if they get tired? What happens if someone gets a better offer? What happens if we're still revisiting old storylines when that happens? Do we get an incomplete story or a rushed one?

The show should be moving forward, even if there are no plans for it to end soon. We have the drama of the huge disasters 9-1-1 loves. We have the drama of the cases. We have a myriad of new possible dramatic storylines for the characters that show development without being too final. Athena could have so many different job related storylines (from moving up in her career to abandoning it), and her and Bobby's storyline from the beginning of the season about being boring together can be played in a good and dramatic line. Henren and Madney have a whole world of parenting issues that they could go through. Buck and Eddie both still need either an endgame love interest (whether it's each other or not) or to get to the point where they are fine not having one, and we have all of the relationship trouble that comes with that. This show can give us new things, storylines that are good for the characters, without losing the dramatic factor (which, if I'm being honest, would not be a deal breaker for me). Yet, it refuses to, and probably not for a good reason, because it comes down to either Tim wanting to rewrite history or just trying to drag this show for as long as possible (which apparently he only knows how to do by refusing to make the characters happy). And you know what? I'm fucking mad about it, and I think you should be too.

Btw, this is not to say the whole season sucked. We got Madney and Henren together multiple times which was great. We finally got Bi Buck. There were several amazing acting moments for both the main and recurring actors. As a standalone season, it was good. It just doesn't work when you look at the bigger picture.

#btw the “they” is bc I don't want to attribute blame solely to one person #(despite thinking it's very likely that it is actually mostly/all his fault but shhhhhh)#sorry for how long/the way it came out. i was kinda venting abt my frustrations at points but yeah #911 #911 abc #eddie diaz #evan buckley #evan buck buckley #athena grant #bobby nash #maddie buckley #maddie han #hen wilson #henrietta wilson #chimney han #howard han #henrietta hen wilson #howard chimney han

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kentopedia · 5 hours

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it's been decades since you've last seen dazai; your lover & your maker. now that you're finally happy, he's haunting you again with a thousand buried memories.

overall contents. fem!reader, nsfw minors dni, exes to lover, gothic romance, blood drinking, vampire!reader, vampire!dazai, smut, cheating reader, complicated relationships, blood, gore, jealousy, manipulation, religious symbolism, betrayal, reunions — 5.7k words

PART VI ♰ MASTERLIST

With your sullen mood resurfacing, a hazy dreariness fell upon your apartment in the week following Dazai’s departure. While you were happy to sulk, bury your nose in distractions and the taste of human blood, Atsushi was determined not to let you. With all the goodness in his heart, he picked you back up, put you on your feet, and stitched up the rift that was slowly growing between you.

Although he was a human, and he did not have the wisdom backed by decades of living, he was a detective. A rather good one, at that. It was easy for him to spot the shifts in your moods, as subtle as they were.

Atsushi never pried, never forced you to open up and spill all the details of what was bothering you. It was just one trait that differed from Dazai, who was always forcing your tongue, even with his own pockets full of secrets.

For the week, Atsushi gave you space. He stayed at Ranpo’s as promised, and let you mope and drown in your own despondency. But when Saturday evening came, he had grown weary of the tension and stilted conversations that soured between the two of you. It was obvious from the way he continued to bring up the conversation, even as desperately as you tried to quell it.

Under your intense gaze, Atsushi uncomfortably sipped as his water, mustering up a smile. Although you normally sat beside him as he ate, with your own plate empty before you, it felt strange, this time. Something in the air between you had shifted, as he twisted in the chair, eyes flitting away before meeting your own hesitantly.

“Will you be staring at me for the entire night?” Atsushi asked, his tone playful, but only to disguise his genuine concern.

A frown marred your face, and you blinked, realizing just how intently you’d been observing his every move. Like a hawk to its prey — a questionable comparison, to say the least.

“Sorry,” you said gently, looking back down at your hands. “I didn’t mean to.”

His eyes softened, but he said nothing, jaw working tightly as he chewed the tough meat. Despite his polite mannerisms, the action still grated at you, his teeth dragging against the other quickly becoming an irritation. Especially as the action of him swallowing the thick lumps of meat drew your attention to his pale throat, something of a beacon, shrouded in candlelight.

Atsushi saw you watching once again, and sighed. Although it was the first night that you had shared since he’d been away, he didn’t feel any closer, the space between you even colder than before.

He knew how you hungered now, even if it had been similar to those years before him, when you’d hunted into the evenings with Dazai. Your bloodlust was uncontrollable and erratic, and though you’d never wanted Atsushi’s blood before, you craved it now. The sweet dessert that was coiled under his skin, paired with love and desire, tied up in a warm human vessel.

Atsushi rubbed his eyes and set the utensils down. “No. I’m sorry. I know you wanted some space, but I should have made more of an effort… Before now. I should have—” Atsushi worried his lip, frustrated with himself for inconceivable reasons.

You didn’t know how to tell him that none of this was his fault.

That thought led you back to that evening, just a few years ago, when you’d first seen him. How alluring he’d been, sitting with his mismatched friends, head tilted back in laughter. His voice may have been hushed, drowned out by the loud personalities of the others, but it was so precious to you. Back then, he’d been quiet, without much of the confidence that he had now.

His self-discovery had very little to do with you, you knew that. But you’d loved him with all the intensity of an immortal being, and that surely counted for something.

“It’s okay,” you stopped him, leaning over the table, wanting to reach for him. “I’m the one who can’t control my hunger. I’m a pathetic excuse for a human and a vampire.”

You didn’t say that last part.

His face twisted at that. Something clicked, in a few breaths, as the reality of your words, your lust for blood, finally sunk it. It had always just been the thing between you. Atsushi had seen you drink from animals, had even helped you get them. Never, though, had it been him you were desiring, his blood that created such a constant state of anguish.

“I know that it’s not…” He paused, thinking of a word to accurately describe his thoughts. “Conventional. It’s probably not even feasible for us to carry on this way. But I don’t want—” Atsushi’s jaw clenched, and his eyes drifted away from your darkened gaze to the floor. “I love you. I love you very much, and I may be a detective, opposed to violence, but I’m willing to do what it takes to stay together.”

The words should’ve calmed you, sparked a sense of peace through your veins, but they caused your heart to sink instead. You didn’t want him to be familiar with your craving for blood.

Instead, it seemed he only became more comfortable with the idea of it as time went on.

“Atsushi…” you began. With the way you said his name, close to a scolding, you’d expected him to deflate.

But he remained stoic, his eyes never faltering with dishonesty. “I’m serious, honey,” he said, and then, he did reach for you, squeezing your cold hands against the table, fingers warming you almost as easily as the blood in his veins could. “I know how you feel about turning me, but I want to be with you.” The gentle smile swept back on his face, lighting it up swiftly, as it erased the sharpness of his previous expression. “We’ll just take things at your pace, okay?”

The hold of guilt crept back up on you as you stole your own hand back from him. How kind he was, to offer you that, when it was him that was most deserving of it. “Atsushi, you must know I’m not a good person. You must know, by now.”

“You are to me. You’re the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. Isn’t that enough for you?”

Was it enough?

If you were being truthful, with yourself and your fiancé, you’d grown uncertain.

There was an abundance of love in your heart for Atsushi, but he shared the darkest parts of it with another. It felt wrong, to lead him into another life, on the promise that you’d be his eternal, faithful companion.

You hadn’t even been able to do that in his mortal life.

Instead of letting the truth spill out, you nodded, slowly.

An exhale of relief left Atsushi, as he leaned back into his chair, more at ease than he’d been all week. “Okay. Okay, then that’s enough for me.”

He finished eating, the tension between you still there, but diminishing. Atsushi seemed appeased, and finished the meal by chattering on about his day, his mood elevated.

Then, as he took the last bite of his dinner, he seemed struck with an idea. “We should go out tonight,” he said, nodding to himself, already excited by the prospect. “We haven’t gone drinking in months.”

You tossed him a skeptical look, but smiled, shaking your head at his excitement. Despite his laid-back, often timid nature, he could be quite stubborn when he set his mind to something. Especially if that idea — in his mind, at least — was something that could help another.

He appeared especially convinced that a night out in the city would be enough to cure your woes.

“You know I can’t get drunk,” you laughed, crossing your arms over your chest. “And alcohol tastes quite bland, as a vampire.”

Atsushi ignored all your arguments, and came around the table, pulling you out of your seat. He laid a long, feverish kiss on your lips, one that stunned you into silence.

“Who said you needed to get drunk? Someone has to be sober, to help get the other home.”

“Ah,” you said, recovering from the fits of passion that he had seemed possessed by. Kissing him across his forehead, you wrapped your arms around his neck and responded playfully. “I see. This is a ploy to get drunk and then blame it on me?”

He shrugged, leaning into you, with a childish expression. Lines creased along the corners of his eyes, on his forehead, reminding you that he was still beautifully human. And while he was only a year older than you’d been when you had turned, he still held the evidence of the happiness, the sorrows, that he’d beheld as a human.

You, as a vampire, had been smoothed over, lines scraped into a perfect marble, not a blemish or wrinkle on your face. Save for the scars that had been permanently etched onto your skin, you were nothing short of perfection.

It made you ache, sometimes, to know that you would never appear so human. You would never get to see yourself age with grace.

A blessing and a curse, you supposed, as Atsushi pulled you from the table, kissing across your face with a profound smile. You would not get to grow old with the man you loved, but you could spend countless years with him, never wondering if he’d get sick without warning, if his heart would stop beating while he slept.

Sometimes, you got so caught up in the misery of being a vampire, an immortal, that you forgot there was a sublime beauty to it, as well.

Atsushi took you to his favorite pub, on the other side of town, near the detective agency that he worked at. It was a spot they all frequented after long cases. A respectable cafe by the morning, and a place for the scoundrels of the earth to settle at night.

Saturdays were always busy, but this night seemed even more so, as you shoved your way into through the swinging, wooden doors, pressing shoulder to shoulder against those in front of you. An overwhelming stench of body odor assaulted your senses, rank and thick as it flooded your nostrils. Under it all, though, with each body stacked against the next, there was the flowery, sweet smell of blood.

You gripped Atsushi’s hand tightly to resist it.

The chatter was endless. With your hearing — so much better than any of those around you — you were subjected to half a hundred different conversations, the changes in pitch and tempo like nails to your temple.

It was difficult to focus, your attention tugged in a thousand different directions. That was, until Atsushi turned around and smiled, that brilliantly beautiful grin akin to the light of a thousand suns.

Your mouth parted; you’d almost forgotten how pretty he was.

“This okay?” he asked, hesitant at the tension that grazed your features. “I wasn’t expecting it to be so busy, but if you want to leave—”

You stopped him, tugging him to your side by the lapels of his shirt. Standing taller, you pressed a lingering kiss to his lips, fingers twisting into his hair, longer on one side. “I don’t mind.”

A small little sound left the back of his throat, and his lips curled against your own, as he tugged you to a table. There was a crowd of young men lingering by the bar, and as Atsushi pushed his way past with you in tow, they all stopped their conversation to watch, eyes following your every moment.

In another life, that would have been your dinner. You would have leaned over the counter, beckoned them with a sultry grin, and taken them home, where Dazai would praise you on another successful hunt.

You buried the memory, squeezing Atsushi’s hand tighter, and refused to think of ghosts. Especially of those that were still alive.

The tabletop he decided upon was sticky, but it was one of the only remaining empty ones. A film of wetness had been streaked across it, dripping off the edges of the table. As a contrast to the darkness, a candle burned bright in the center of the table, wax dripping off in thick rivulets.

Atsushi pulled out a chair for you, dramatically gesturing towards the seat. “If you would, miss,” he said, a shy sort of humor resting at the edge of his gaze.

“Thank you, kind sir.” You took the seat, indulging him, and removed your gloves to fold onto your lap.

There was no reason for any attempts at being a proper lady, not in this sort of environment. It wasn’t nearly as seedy as the place you had been meeting Dazai, but there were still corners with secret rendezvous, hushed whispers between business partners over smoky cigarettes.

“Would you still like a drink?” Atsushi asked, brushing his thumb across your eyebrow. “I know, it’s really only to keep up appearances, but if you’d like one…”

He seemed so hopeful, eyes glimmering with a reignited thrill. It’d been a long time since either of you had truly committed to an evening out, and even longer since you’d stopped here, where you knew his friends and co-workers often were.

The taste of alcohol, without being tinged by the sweetness of blood, was quite awful. Still, you accepted. “Of course, honey. I can still enjoy the simple luxury of a little drink.”

You smiled and tilted your head, though you weren’t sure he caught the true meaning of your words.

Atsushi left, heading over to the bar, where a red-headed woman and an older man were working furiously, filling cups as quickly as they were handed them.

The alcohol spilled freely, splashing onto people’s shirts as they skirted around one another, the dark liquid quickly becoming large puddles on the floor. No one seemed any the wiser.

It made you long for that feeling as a human, when it took just a few sips to get a buzz swirling through your veins. You’d never been good at holding your liquor. That remained true as a vampire, but you couldn’t drain an unsuspecting stranger right outside, when your beloved fiancee was so hopeful of mending the growing cracks in your engagement.

Atsushi’s conversation did seem to go on with the red-haired woman, who spoke to him in a way that was something between cruel and affectionate. Atsushi only laughed, amused by her dark glare as she pushed two drinks towards him, moving onto the next customer.

It wasn’t surprising that they knew each other, seemed quite familiar with one another, with as much as Atsushi claimed to come here. Still, there was a feeling that burned under your skin, one that you knew far too well, and hated nonetheless.

You looked away, hoping that Atsushi wouldn’t see the jealousy in your eyes. That was the last emotion that you were deserving of.

Especially because if you told him the truth, if you even suspected the pretty bartender fancied him, he would only smile, laugh at you with a tint of pink on his cheeks. Atsushi would never look at anyone with longing when he had you. He was loyal, kind and loving, and you believed him when he promised that.

You, on the other hand, were a piece of shit. To put it simply. The same courteousy of loyalty couldn’t be offered to him — you’d already made sure of that.

Although, when you thought about it deeper, watched her glance back at Atsushi as he came over to you, you realized that it wasn’t his affection you were envious of.

She simply had something, the one thing, that you didn’t.

Every woman that crossed Atsushi’s path would never have his love, not with you still in his life, but they could offer him a shot at a normal human existence. They could give him what he deserved: a happy marriage without bloodshed, children if he so desired them.

They wouldn’t lie to his face about their past, their present, and perhaps even the future that they were already weaving together.

Humanity was the only thing you had to be envious of. And even though you felt guilty for taking that away from Atsushi, there was also the hint of satisfaction, knowing that no one else would be able to offer him what you could.

Atsushi handed the drink to you, and you took it with ease, letting your fingers curl around the cup, nails clicking against the handle. Already, Atsushi had taken long sips of his, the liquid dripping, soaking his mouth, almost obscenely. He wiped his hand across his face, letting it wet the back of his palm as well, all while you watched on with amusement.

“Are you enjoying yourself?” you asked, cracking a smile as he leaned back in the chair, raising his glass when someone in the bar burst out into some sort of chant. You’d never heard it before, but Atsushi hummed under his breath, a faraway look in his eyes as he leaned into you.

“I am,” he said, kissing your temple, before taking another long sip of his drink. “I’ve been so stressed about the case, that I’d forgotten…” Atsushi trailed off, gaze dropped to his half-empty cup before sighing. “Well, I suppose I’ve been forgetting how to live. But, that doesn’t mean much, when we’ll have eternity, does it?”

Resigned sadness soaked his words as he squeezed your shoulder, and it permeated your short-lived glee. “Atsushi—” you began, shaking your head. “No. You should live every moment like its your last. Especially when you are immortal.”

His eyebrows pinched, forming a wrinkle between them as he tilted his head towards you. Perhaps, it didn’t make sense to him yet, but it would soon. Atsushi had no idea how difficult having centuries ahead of you could be, how intimidating to realize. He hadn’t seen vampires go mad because of it, throw themselves onto a stake or into the fire because they couldn’t comprehend that sense of time. He hadn’t seen vampires fall so easily to their emotions, because they had been unstable as a human, and that had never faired well without an ending in sight. Some didn’t take well to the blood-drinking, either, and it made them sick, for their minds were too fragile to hold on.

There were endless reasons not to be a vampire, and you weren’t sure he fully understood that.

“I don’t understand—” your beloved began, but he didn’t get far, as an unfamiliar presence approached, taking his place at the empty seat of the table.

“Atsushi,” he said, leaning towards both of you, an elated grin on his face. “Long time, no see. How have you been?”

You jerked your head towards the third voice, just as Atsushi did, the two of you wearing matching, irritated expressions. It was a man you didn’t recognize, with dark, auburn hair, and a self-satisfied grin. He was on the verge of being drunk, almost stringing his words together, sharp eyes glazed over with intoxication.

“Tachihara,” Atsushi said, face falling. The smile he wore was so evidently fake, it was probably for the best that the man wasn’t sober. “What are you doing here?”

There were very few people that Atsushi disliked, very few that he utterly refused to get along with. So it came as a surprise, when his expression coiled up with tension, his words spoken through gritted teeth and harsh lines.

That was, until you realized what the man in front of you was. “Oh, it’s been years since I’ve been around, and that’s how you greet an old friend?” He sounded hurt, at first, before he laughed loudly, his faux annoyance giving way to amusement. “I shouldn’t be surprised, though. I interrupted you and and this beautiful lady. What is your name, by the way?” Tachihara turned to you, grinning lazily, his dark eyelashes fanning over his cheeks, naturally flirtatious.

You met his gaze head-on, sitting stiffly in your chair as you smiled, refusing to reach out your hand and shake his. Out of fear that he would feel your cold skin, see the fangs that weren’t even elongated, or sense that your beauty wasn’t quite natural. “I’m Atsushi’s fiancee.”

Briefly, you reached out the soft caress of compulsion, attempting to weave into his mind, curl your own touch around his memories. But as you lingered there, you were met with a hard block, a gated entry, without a lock or key.

Your gaze dropped down to his cloak, made of burgundy velvet, stitched with the cross of the vampire hunters over his heart. Then, your eyes drifted over to the golden medallion that hung around his neck.

Shit.

Outside of your own kind, there was very little that you knew about magic, or beings that existed apart from mortals. Dazai had let you in on very little, in a promise that ignorance was safer than knowledge.

What you did know, was that people had been aware of vampires for centuries. You’d been the greatest evil to face humans, for a time, and while your existence faded into legend, and humans did not fear as they once had, there were still precautions. Some were merely rumors; promises that crucifixes and holy symbols would repel you, but didn’t.

Some were old magic, like the medallion given only to specific ranks of vampire hunters. Most were centuries old and were, to your knowledge, the only thing that could stop an immortal from controlling the minds of mankind.

For a moment, you scrambled, knowing that even if there was a way for you to break past the barriers, infiltrate his conscious, you weren’t a strong enough vampire to do that. Perhaps if you were someone like Dazai, who had been alive for nearly three of your lifetimes, but you were something close to a child compared with those that beheld your same gifts.

You resigned your name to the vampire hunter, hoping that he hadn’t caught the biting tinge of fear at the end of your sentence. Although, it wasn’t your life that you were worried about — vampire hunters were a nuisance, sure, but they were still painfully human. Ones that you could kill.

Atsushi, on the other hand, could not. Even if you were innocent in the murders that they were investigating, if they found out that Atsushi had been harboring, loving, a vampire for two years, they would certainly execute him on the spot.

You refused to let it come to that.

“So, what brings you back here, then?” you asked, closing your hands together on your lap. “If it’s been so long without seeing Atsushi?” With a smile, you laid on the charm, remembering all the practice you’d had through the years, all the men you’d brought to their deaths. Tachihara may have been a sharp hunter with concerning strength for a mortal, but he was still a man.

He seemed happy to indulge you with flirtations, smiling as he drank another beer and supplied you with all the details of his mission. “My boss sent us over here to help out with the murders happening in this city. They’re certain its a vampire — perhaps a coven, with the frequency.”

“You’re not convinced?”

Tachihara shrugged. “Vampires are usually more methodical. Or less obvious. Depends on their age, though.” He seemed to come to himself, blinking, as he glanced between you and Atsushi. “Sorry. I probably shouldn’t be telling you all this. Not fit for a lady, and all.”

“It’s fine,” Atsushi said, even more tense then you were, his back straight like a rod, as he squeezed your hand under the table. “I’ve already told her everything. She’s real smart, helps me out on cases, sometimes.” He swallowed, and though his words were confident, his eyes were not — which worried you. As much as you loved him, adored him, he was a horrendous liar.

That, of all things, would be what got you into trouble.

“I see,” Tachihara replied, intrigued. “Well, what do you think, then? I’d hate to be wasting my time here.”

While you’d wanted at the very least, a moment to think, Atsushi was already spilling out his thoughts, mouth running faster than a race horse. “I wouldn’t be too quick to pin this on the bloodsuckers,” he said, shaking his head voraciously. “I’ve seen murderers with less reason than this, and they is very little evidence to point to it being a vampire, to begin with.” He took a breath, before continuing, quickly averting his eyes away from Tachihara’s scrutinizing gaze. “Only a few bodies were found drained of blood, and many had been mutilated in a very grotesque fashion. Anyone could have done so, couldn’t they?”

Tachihara’s lips pursed. “I’m not sure—”

“Besides,” Atsushi went on, completing ignoring the fact that his friend had interjected at all. “The killings have stopped. Whoever it was moved on.” A heavy breath left him, at that, the final notice, to convince himself as much as the man who listened on with curiosity.

“Oh no,” Tachihara said, shaking his head as he snapped to attention. “Didn’t you see? They found another body this morning.”

Atsushi paled, the color draining from his face as he slid his eyes across the table from Tachihara.

Well. You’d consider that a ridiculously stupid miscalculation on your part.

“I—” he said, shaking his head, suddenly startled. “Wow. I didn’t know about that.”

“Hmm.” Tachihara licked his lips, taking the last drops of alcohol from his skin with it. “Slacking on the job, are we?”

Although it was said as a joke, a slight jab between friends, there was also a hint of criticism there.

Atsushi had stiffened in his chair, a mix of mortification and uncertainty replacing all other emotions. Those were written out, as plain as day, on his features. There was no room for lying.

You held your breath, choking on the sound, as you waited for Atsushi’s reaction. His pupils had blown wide, the purple in his irises so deep they were the color of royalty, drowning out the brightness of the golden flecks. He swallowed, jaw clenching tightly as his sights settled on the woman at the bar, before he dragged them right back to Tachihara.

“I must confess,” he said, with alarming calmness, one that made your hair stand on end. “I’ve had to take many breaks from the case. It’s…” he sighed, shaking his head, genuinely put out by his own ability to stomach the murders. “It’s done a number on my head. They’ve already removed me once from it, shipped me out of the city, for a while.”

The amusement on Tachihara’s face dissipated, the smile lines smoothing as his grin dropped swiftly. “Oh,” he said, leaning forward, no longer slouching casually in his chair. “I’m sorry, Atsushi. I don’t blame you for needing a break.”

“I shouldn’t,” he scoffed, shaking his head. “It’s my job, and I feel horrible for needing to take time away for my own sanity, while people are losing their lives.”

Tachihara nodded, coating his lips with saliva once more. “I understand. But, remember you aren’t alone in this. There are other people working on the case, and the weight of the world doesn’t rest on your shoulders.” He reached over the table, nearly spilling Atsushi’s drink in the process, to squeeze his arm, supportive. “I didn’t mean to ruin your night out. I should’ve saved the work talk for next week.”

“It’s okay,” Atsushi smiled, tight-lipped. He shrugged off Tachihara’s larger hand, his deep tan skin punctuated by harsh white scars. “I would be curious too, if I were in your position. But, I’m glad you’re here to help, vampire or not.”

Your fiancé glanced over to you, chest rising and falling with the complex emotions weaving under his skin. “Right, angel?”

How you hated when he called you that.

He’d only picked it up recently — since Dazai had found you once again. Atsushi never could’ve known how deeply the term irritated you, how complex the memories that came with it were. Yet, he whispered it with such endearment, such adoration, breathing it on a simple exhale, that you couldn’t urge him away from it.

You smiled, words coming through sharply gritted teeth. “The faster this all ends, the better.”

It should’ve ended already, with Dazai gone. Why they had only now sent vampire hunters was beyond you.

When you returned home, the last thing on your mind was sleep.

Atsushi slammed the door behind him, a sound that caused you to jump. He was not an angry man, and so rarely let it show, or take it out on you. But, he began pacing the room with fury, his eyes ablaze as he considered the room like it disgusted him.

“Fuck,” he said, weaving his hand through his silver locks, gripping them tightly. “I’m sorry. I knew they would come eventually, but I didn’t think—” His eyes squeezed together tightly, no longer showing the deep galaxy within them. “I didn’t think it would be so soon. How foolish of me.”

“I’m the fool. I’ve seen this a thousand times before, and still believed that everything would be fine,” you said, trying to calm him down, as his soles burned holes into the floor of your home. The final murder would be your little secret, but you should’ve known that the vampire hunters would show eventually. Dazai had strategically held them off, but he’d grown sloppy, in his quest to capture your attention. “But we can’t keep this farce up with hunters around, Atsushi. They’ll catch on soon.”

“How do you know that?” He met your gaze, pained.

You smiled gently, as you eased your hands away from his hair. “The murderer may not be a vampire, but I certainly am. This is what they do, honey. They hunt my kind for a living. They’re skilled, and if they find out you’re defending me…” you trailed off, the words speaking for themselves. “That’s why I think I need to leave. At least, for a while.”

“No,” Atsushi snapped, his voice breaking at the end of the word. “No. We’ve been apart for so long. We can figure out another way. I don’t want to keep getting separated.”

You shook your head. “I don’t think we can, this time. It’s too dangerous.”

“I can keep you safe. It won’t come to that, I won’t let you get hurt.”

“They’re stronger than you, and they’re not going to let friendships stand in the way of justice. If we aren’t smart about this, then we’ll get ourselves killed.”

“It shouldn’t be like this,” he said, eyeing you, his voice hard. “You’re one of the good ones. It’s not like you’re the one killing people. Right?”

You knitted your eyebrows together, swallowing. “Of course not,” you said, hoping that it sounding more convincing to his ears than it did your own. You might as well have been driving the knives into everyone’s backs. “Where’s this coming from?”

“I just wonder if you’re certain you don’t know anything about this. You know your kind better than anyone, better than the hunters, even. Are you sure this isn’t a vampire?”

“I promised you, didn’t I?” Your voice came out hard, indignant. “What? Do you not trust me anymore?”

“Don’t be stupid.” Atsushi snapped.

A moment of silence came after.

Although you were certain no bitter emotions had taken over your features, something in his face changed as you leaned back and recoiled, drawing away from him.

Then Atsushi exhaled, all malice draining out of him as he deflated. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. I know you didn’t do it, and I know you wouldn’t lie to me. I just wanted to ask again. Make sure. Nothing about this case makes sense to me.”

“Right. Of course,” you replied. Your voice was chalky. “Well, it’s not a vampire. Even if it was, there isn’t anything I can do.” There was. “Vampires are inherently independent creatures.” Sometimes. “Whoever it was — is, wouldn’t stop killing, just because I asked them to. They’d probably see my socializing with humans, trying to hold onto my humanity, as a weakness.” That part, was honest, at least.

Atsushi deflated. “I didn’t mean to get upset with you.”

“It’s alright. It’s reasonable to be.”

He nodded; you were both unconvinced, though by which words, it was hard to tell.

“I think I should leave, Atsushi. Tomorrow. We’ll say I received word that a family of mine is sick, and I need to go take care of them. It’s reasonable enough.”

“Of course. Of course.” He reached out to you, then, taking you in his arms in the cold room, fingers snaking around your back before pulling you into his chest. “I trust you. When it comes to this world, you know best. I’m willing to do what needs to be done to keep us both safe.”

You whispered a response, letting your head fall to his collarbone as you inhaled, the alcohol and smoke from the evening a thick cloak on Atsushi’s skin. “I wish it didn’t have to be like this. I wish I could stay here, and we wouldn’t have to worry about the hunters busting through the door unannounced. I wish things were different.”

The two of you knew what you were really trying to say. Things with Atsushi would be so much easier if you were human.

“I wouldn’t change anything,” Atsushi said, kissing your forehead, even if you felt like it was a lie. If you were offered a way out of immortality tomorrow, he’d be elated for you to take it. “I love you just the way you are.”

You smiled, placatingly. “I love you too, Atsushi.”

He held you, for a few minutes, the two of you beginning to feel the warmth of the sun rising in the horizon at your backs. It wouldn’t be long now — you’d be off to bed, and Atsushi would be off to work without a moment’s rest. Then, you’d be apart again. Again and again and again.

It seemed like fate was trying to tell you something; you’d continue to ignore her whispers in your ear.

“Where will you go?” Atsushi finally asked, leading you back into your room, so dark and empty, like a lived-in tomb.

You took his hand instead, squeezed it tight, and exhaled. “Home.”

PART VII

thank you so much for reading!! pls ignore any spelling errors & i hope my characterization of tachihara was okay :,) reblogs are always appreciated !!

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lover-of-mine · 8 hours

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i'm fine with the bt scene being what it was because it showed what is. a shallow superficial relationship that is not being written as endgame so I'm fine with them not having a more emotional connection make it more obvious its BONES in s8.

Okay, I'm gonna say this and I need everyone to know I genuinely mean it, I'm not fine with it. I am tired of the show giving Buck and Eddie love interests that exist to have no agency besides girlfriend/boyfriend or plot device for an exposition dump. I desperately wanted to care about bt. Buck being bi is such incredible representation and I spent the whole season waiting to be convinced I should like T and bt together for anything beyond the fact that they are a queer relationship but I keep coming up empty-handed. I like being a hater right now because no criticism of him is allowed without someone screaming that you're homophobic or hate gay people and that everyone in the show is problematic why doesn't he get a pass too so I am grabbing on to every wrong thing about him the same way people are blowing the good things to justify my aversion to him. But the thing is, T is a character who's being written in a way that is so hard to sympathize with when it comes to Buck. He has this shell that makes him rigid and he has this dry sense of humor and he could be interesting if he was willing to bend a little bit for Buck. That relationship was not something I could get behind when T left Buck on the curb, because while I do believe T was incredibly justified in not liking the situation Buck put them in, he could've communicated that better before he was literally in the car leaving Buck behind, so there Buck was once again in a relationship with someone who left him because they can't handle who he is. That was the impression I got from that first date and I keep waiting for them to be cute for me to move past it and the show is giving me nothing. Why did they make the choice to not let T dress up for the bachelor party and indulge Buck when the job by definition requires for him to change into a uniform so he could've put in some effort? Why did he let Buck walk around with his face covered in soot when they could've shown us a shot of him cleaning Buck's face before they walked into the room holding hands and give the impression that there's more going on there than a few makeout sessions? Why weren't they affectionate at the ceremony? Why wasn't that conversation in the hospital, where it would've shown a level of care and that joke could've been seen as an attempt to make Buck feel better about what was going on? Why are they always two steps to the left of being cute or having any fighting chance? And that's ignoring how intertwined Eddie is with the beginning of their relationship because that's just disturbing. The triangle thing is annoying as fuck if Eddie was not gonna get confirmed as queer and the sides wouldn't actually connect.

I think narratively Buck and Eddie getting together is the thing that makes the most sense for both of their characters, but if that's not gonna happen, I wanna care about the people they're with. I love Buck as a character, I want him to have a nice love story if for whatever reason we are not getting buddie because love is the thing he's been searching for, and whatever bt has going is not it. And the thing that's killing me is that it could be. It's the same thing they did with Taylor because if Taylor was as intense about Buck as she is about the job, they could work, but the show made a choice to use the development of her character to stir away from Buck. And T, he's just there. And it's frustrating. I don't even wanna get into the comparisons between buddie and bt because imma be honest I'm still processing the way the show had T refusing to dress on theme and then had Eddie suggest matching outfits in the next scene, what even was that?? But the way the show constantly takes the chances they have to give depth to their relationship, looks it in the eye, and runs the other direction it's just........... yk? This is Buck's fifth relationship and I can't for the life of me look at it and see where it's going because they are making it seem like it's going nowhere. T parallels Taylor all the time visually, when it comes to screentime he's just a step above Ali, he's nowhere near as developed as Taylor was at this point. I had hopes for that scene when they started to talk about parents, for 20 seconds, I believed they were gonna give emotional depth to them, but they didn't. And I was literally sitting here begging them to give me something to care about when it comes to them if they are gonna keep them together but I have nothing to show for it and I hate it. There's no emotional connection, they will probably breakup at some point during s8 and I'm just gonna be there "oh wow another failed romance what a surprise" while they keep playing up Buck and Eddie's partnership and not letting them go all the way, and it's just tiring.

And this is ignoring the way we keep getting yelled at for not resonating with them. I sincerely don't want to hate them but I can't find a reason to care about them.

#sorry i went off #this is not what you wanted but i have feelings apparently #didn't know i had them until i started to type oaksasoaksa #911 #911 spoilers #anti bucktommy #to be safe #i really need a tag for asks #anon 😌

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lorei-writes · 2 days

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You seem genuinely nice in your curiosity, so I thought I'd share my thoughts. Maybe this is not the right approach to how to go about interacting on tumblr, but if I notice that there's a blog that I've interacted with somewhat frequently (whether it be liking/reblogging their posts, sending requests when requests are open, etc) and then I notice that interaction is one-sided (either they don't follow me back, they never ever like or reblog my posts and I see them interacting with many others in fandom so I know they are active), I dunno, but I get the feeling they don't like me or my posts, maybe I post too many spoilers, maybe I flood the tags and my posts are annoying or some other third unknown option - and then it snowballs and I worry I'm annoying others with my comments or reblogs or whatever. And I slow my interaction with others out of fear of not being liked or just plain shyness. And sometimes I have unfollowed them. Because, again, I dunno, but I feel like if they don't want to interact with me, perhaps I should not interact with them? When those posts come across my feed because reblogged by a mutual, I will sometimes read/look at if a suitor I like, but when I see who the op is, I become hesitant with interacting, and end up not interacting at all.

I know, devil's advocate - what if this blogger who didn't interact with me has never seen my blog or any of my posts. That might fly in Genshin or HSR fandoms, but not Ikemen. I think by now most everyone knows each other around here (at least those who have been posting for a while and post regularly/frequently). And I'm not the only one who has experienced this...

Thank you for listening to my rambling.

Thank you for sharing your experience!

Hmm... I must admit, Anon, what you've said has left me somewhat conflicted. I can agree that reaching out to a person repeatedly and the effort not being reciprocated can be disheartening. I do think that in this situation it is reasonable to adjust either your expectations ("I know they may not say anything back, but I did enjoy their work regardless, so I will share it." // no expectations of friendship, interacting with posts for the sake of posts alone) or the amount you give out ("I want to have some relationship with this person and they do not reciprocate, therefore I will decrease the amount of effort I put into this." // expectations of friendship, interactions as means of building relationships).

I can tell you that I do not know of a blogger who hasn't appreciated familiar faces in their notification. (Which isn't to devalue your experience. Maybe you met an outlier, maybe this person simply couldn't show it due to their personal circumstances, maybe they thought they showed it and a mismatch in terms of expectations occurred). I can tell you they shouldn't be taken for granted. But I also can tell you that, in some cases, which I do not know whether they are relevant to you, it is simply impossible to give back to everybody.

My experience is what I know best, so allow me to use that as an example. There's over a thousand people following this blog. I do not know all of you. More than this, I do not know all of the creators in the Ikemen Fandom. When I was primarily into Sen, I had no idea who was creating for Pri and was rather surprised to find out that some of those people were considered "big", as I went entirely without ever seeing their names. Even now that I have been invested into Pri for a year, I still find people I have never heard about before... And I still meet people who have no clue who I am or what I do. Likewise, Villains is a fog for me... As I would suspect the "old fandom" may be for you. So, I don't agree with the "most everyone knows each other around here (at least those who have been posting for a while and post regularly/frequently)" statement.

That aside, sometimes it is unfortunate, but it is simply impossible to give back to everybody. And it does suck. Just, hm... I suppose I'd like you to see me now, as it's something I've been struggling with and had to make my peace about? There is only one me. If "just" a hundred of people appear at any given time, or "just" fifty, it is still more than I can reasonably handle. My friendships with people who moved fandoms haven't dissolved and there are only so many relationships I can support. Reliably replying to everything here? I try. But I know I generally can't give back as much as I've received, or at least not in a personal enough manner. It is just too much for a single me. Due to my health issues I am chronically online -- what about people who have more robust offline lives?

Again, I do not know whether that is relevant for your case. It is only that I think it isn't you, as in it isn't about you being a certain way. The situation may just be a result of those mundane circumstances surrounding us. For me personally, a lot of luck is required to expand my circles in a meaningful manner. Of course, it still does suck in the end! Just maybe in a slightly different flavour.

Thank you for listening to my rambles and best of luck <3

#answered #Anonymous

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akwolfgrl · 13 hours

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I'm a great fuck but better lover

Zoro had no idea what to do. Sanji wanted to have a mini date night, and he couldn't show up empty-handed. He ducked as Nami swung her staff at his head. Usopp had asked them to spar for a bit so he could observe how she moved. Something about improving her weapon. Cook was busy hiding in the galley, pretending that this wasn't happening. Luffy was watching them sitting cross-legged by the mast sucking on the first attempt at meat candy. Mr. Noodles preached on his shoulder like a parrot.

“Curls wants to have a mini date! What do I do!?” Zoro asked, swinging a sheathed Wado at the witch. “Romance is fucking difficult,” He wasn't going to back down though.

“Really? It's obvious you shower and wear that green button-up, duh,” Nami counted his sword with her staff.

“That's not what I meant! I can't show up empty-handed! Last time, I had roses in hand!” Zoro grumbled in frustration. “You're the one who said I should give gifts! But in case you hadn't noticed were in the middle of the sea,”

“What even happened to those?” Nami asked, stepping back from his sword.

“He turned them into jam, he had it in the morning with his tea,” Zoro honestly had no idea how he did it but he was glad that they had brought his cook joy in more than one way.

“I suppose you have a point. A fish wouldn't really do it since well. Usopp catches the most fish,”

“Umm guys? I think I have an idea. Give me like two seconds,” Usopp said from where he was sitting on the steps. He took off running towards the boys' bunk room.

“Why does Zoro have to shower?” Luffy asked. “He already did this week!” Luffy chimed in, Zoro was rather inclined to agree. A dip in the sea was enough to wash the sweat away, and a shower once a week was all he really needed.

“Idiot! Sanji, like myself, enjoys being clean, Zoro washing shows Sanji that he's putting in effort to make this work,” Nami explained, clearly annoyed with them going by the way she was huffing and rolling her eyes. “Honestly it wouldn't kill you to be clean,”

“Found it!” Usopp came stumbling up with a thick book in hand. “I bought it by mistake in Loguetown, tried a few but didn't care for it, you could make him an origami flower! The book said tulips were easy,” Usopp handed Zoro the book.

“I know how to make origami,” He had tried to fold a thousand cranes, and there was an old saying about folding a thousand cranes and being granted a wish. But when living with a bunch of other boys, it was inevitable that they would end up step on, sat on, crushed, and thrown away. The many stray cats had taken to batting them around, so Zoro eventually gave up when Koushirou told him that it was time for him to move on. “The flower is a good idea,” He flipped through the book, looking for the tulip. Luffy, at some point, got up and was also looking therw the book.

“Ooo use the one that looks like waves! Sanji likes water!” Luffy pointed to a blue paper that indeed did look like waves.

“Wow Luffy who knew you had good taste,” Nami teased their captain.

“Of course I got good taste!” Luffy laughed. “I picked all of you to be my crew!”

#one piece #fanfic #sanji #black leg sanji #roronoa zoro #vinsmoke sanji #zoro #zoro x sanji #zosan #straw hat luffy #monkey d. luffy #cat burglar nami #nami #god usopp #usopp

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brostateexam · 1 day

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Kadesh Swanson has a rule at sit-down restaurants: He tips 10%. It’s half the norm (at least 20% these days), but it’s what he’s always done. “If servers want more, then they should put the same effort in that I took to earn that money,” he says. Swanson, 34, makes tobacco pipes and hosts taco pop-ups in Olympia, Washington, and sees a gratuity as a reflection of the service he’s offered. He’ll tip more occasionally when the experience feels exceptional, but never on takeout or counter-service orders. “You just came, did your job, and you left,” Swanson says of workers at limited-service restaurants.

A 2023 Pew Research Center study showed that people who have worked for tips are more likely to leave a gratuity. But that’s not the case for Swanson. Even running his own taco pop-ups at local breweries hasn’t changed his views on tipping. He considers his business model comparable to that of a fast-food restaurant: “It comes off the grill and someone hands it to you,” he says. Swanson appreciates a gratuity but admits that “my own business is not one that I would personally tip.” He may not be the average customer, but Swanson is not alone. There are diners across the country who view gratuity in its most literal sense—as totally discretionary.

Tipping has been a controversial topic pretty much forever—but it’s only gotten more polarizing. Stories of people shaming bad tippers are commonplace now, and tipping on everything from takeout to counter service has become the industry norm. Still, there are people among us who are actively resisting this movement. They rarely—if ever—tip 20%, and some believe that by withholding tips, they’re actually protesting an antiquated and inequitable system.

There’s a lot of these people: 5% of Americans never tip and 12% only sometimes leave a gratuity on their meals, according to Bankrate data. In a new YouGov etiquette survey, half of the more than 1,000 respondents indicated they think it’s “acceptable” to leave no tip after receiving “bad service.” That Pew Research Center survey of almost 12,000 adults found that more than half would tip 15% or less on “average—but not exceptional—food and service” at a restaurant. (One quarter of respondents said they would still leave 20% or more, and 2% said they wouldn’t tip at all.)

“I believe the role of tipping should be to incentivize and reward excellent service,” says Anda Galffy, a 69-year-old travel blogger who was born in Europe but now lives in Southern California. “It has nothing to do with generosity.”

#long reads #hell isn't real but it's real for these people

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yoshijammer · 2 days

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END OF CHAPTER

(separate images of each partner and rambling under the cut)

How is everyone liking TTYD Switch so far? This is something I wanted to finish by the game's release date, but I ended up putting more effort into it than I expected and it took much longer than I bargained for (plus I've been playing the game in my free time). Anyways, Paper Mario TTYD is one of my favorite games of all time and I really wanted to do something special for the remake/remaster (still haven't seen a clear consensus on what to call it), so I drew Mario with all his partners. Yoshi Kid is my favorite but I've grown fond of all of them over the years, so it was really fun figuring out how to draw them (most of them for the first time!)

I ended up drawing all the partners in full despite the fact most of them are hidden by Mario or others, so here's all the partners separately! Fun fact: all of them are holding the Crystal Star obtained in their respective chapter except Goombella and Ms. Mowz, since Goombella is from the prologue and Ms. Mowz doesn't have her own chapter. I figured Ms. Mowz should get the titular Crystal Star since I placed her in the center.

It's still so surreal to me that this game got released on the Switch at all. I know people sing praises for this game all the time but it really is a fantastic game imo, and it makes me so happy seeing others get to experience it themselves for the first time. TTYD has inspired me in so many ways and is really important to me; I hope I was able to express that through my art.

#paper mario #paper mario ttyd #ttyd #paper mario the thousand year door #mario #goombella #koops #flurrie #madame flurrie #yoshi kid #mini yoshi #vivian #vivian ttyd #admiral bobbery #bobbery #ms mowz #ms. mowz #really hope tumblr doesnt mess with the quality pleeease #my art

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inkspiredwriting · 3 days

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Inescapable Fate

Five Hargreeves x Fem!reader

A/N: There is nothing more important to a writer than the opinions of the people who read his work. I would therefore be very happy if you would leave a comment :)

Warnings: Death, Angst

The rain fell in relentless sheets, pounding against the windows of the Umbrella Academy. Inside, Number Five paced the floor, his mind racing. He had faced impossible odds before, bent time and space to his will, but nothing had prepared him for this. Y/N, his wife, lay in the hospital, her condition worsening by the hour. Despite his best efforts, he couldn’t save her. Yet, he refused to accept that fate.

Five’s siblings watched him with a mix of concern and helplessness. They knew better than to try and talk him out of his desperate mission. He had made up his mind, and when Five set his mind to something, there was no stopping him.

“I have to go back,” Five muttered, more to himself than to anyone else. “I have to find the moment when everything went wrong and fix it.”

“Five,” Viktor said gently, stepping forward. “You’ve already tried so many times. Maybe... maybe some things can’t be changed.”

Five whirled on him, his eyes blazing. “I refuse to believe that! I won’t just stand by and watch her die.”

Diego stepped in, his expression grim. “We get it, Five. But this is tearing you apart. How many more times are you going to put yourself through this?”

“As many times as it takes,” Five snapped, turning back to his calculations. He scribbled furiously, mapping out yet another plan to travel back in time.

With a final check of his equations, Five opened a time portal and stepped through, determined to change the course of events that had led to Y/N’s illness.

He arrived in the past, days before Y/N’s diagnosis. The world around him felt eerily familiar, yet suffocatingly different. He knew every moment counted, and he wasted no time in trying to alter the sequence of events.

Five’s first attempt was simple: he tried to persuade Y/N to avoid the places he believed had exposed her to the illness. But fate was cruel. Y/N, always the caring and dedicated person, had commitments she couldn’t break. She smiled at his uncharacteristic insistence, teasing him about his sudden overprotectiveness.

Next, Five tried a more drastic approach. He manipulated circumstances to keep her isolated, away from any potential danger. He convinced her to take a spontaneous vacation, whisking her away to a remote cabin. For a brief moment, it seemed like he had succeeded. They laughed and talked, the bond between them growing stronger.

But the illness found her even there, in the most unlikely of ways. Y/N’s symptoms began to show, and despite Five’s frantic efforts, she fell ill again.

Desperation gnawed at Five’s resolve. He returned to the present, only to find Y/N in the hospital, just as before. Each failure weighed heavily on him, but he couldn’t give up. He wouldn’t.

Five repeated the cycle over and over, each attempt more frantic than the last. He sought out experts, delved into obscure medical research, even resorted to manipulating time more recklessly than ever before. But every time, the result was the same. Y/N’s fate seemed written in stone, no matter how hard he fought against it.

One night, after yet another failed attempt, Five found himself back at the Academy, exhausted and broken. He slumped into a chair, staring blankly at the wall. The room was silent except for the ticking of a clock, a cruel reminder of the time slipping away.

Allison approached him cautiously. “Five, you need to rest. You’re going to kill yourself at this rate.”

Five’s voice was a hollow whisper. “I can’t lose her, Allison. I can’t.”

Allison knelt beside him, taking his hand. “You haven’t lost her yet. She’s still here, right now. You should be with her.”

The words pierced through Five’s haze of desperation. He realized, with a painful clarity, that he had been so focused on changing the past that he was missing the present. Y/N needed him now, more than ever.

With a heavy heart, Five stood and made his way to the hospital. He found Y/N lying in her bed, her breathing shallow but steady. She smiled weakly when she saw him, her eyes filled with love and understanding.

“Hey, you,” she said softly. “You’ve been gone a lot. Saving the world again?”

Five’s throat tightened. He sat beside her, taking her hand in his. “Something like that.”

Y/N squeezed his hand. “You don’t have to save me, Five. Just be here with me. That’s all I need.”

Tears welled up in Five’s eyes. He had been so blind, so consumed by his need to change the past, that he had forgotten what mattered most. He leaned in, pressing his forehead to hers. “I’m here, Y/N. I’m here.”

In the days that followed, Five stayed by Y/N’s side. They talked, reminisced, and cherished every moment together. Five knew he couldn’t change the past, couldn’t alter her fate, but he could make sure she knew how deeply he loved her.

As Y/N’s condition worsened, Five held her close, his heart breaking with every labored breath she took. And when the time came, and she slipped away peacefully in his arms, he was there, whispering words of love and comfort.

In the end, Five couldn’t save Y/N. But he had given her the one thing that mattered most: his unwavering presence and love. And though the pain of her loss would never fully fade, he found solace in knowing that he had been with her, every step of the way, until the very end.

Fate might be inescapable, but love, Five realized, was the one constant that transcended time and space. And that love would stay with him, always.

#number five x reader #five hargreeves x you #five hargreeves imagines #number five imagine #five hargreeves x reader

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bl0rbohandbag · 17 days

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– some vampire the masquerade x changeling the lost concepts that will not leave me alone.

"but vtm and ctl are from different settings–" shhhhhh :)

before i begin: i have been dabbling in vampire the masquerade and changeling the lost content for a while, i am not a fan of changeling the dreaming and vampire the requiem is unfamiliar to me. anyway! buckle up, enjoy the ride, this is kind of long.

trigger warning for abuse/unhealthy parental relationships because vamps i guess.

first of all: i recently read vtm: bloodstained love. while it focus on the more romantic and sexual aspects of kindred relationships with a lot of references to obsessive/posessive behavior and grotesque acts of love, it also made me wonder how those would translate to platonic or familial relationships. add some changeling shenanigans to that and we have some interesting concepts to play with! and with that being said...

– you're a changeling. kidnapped into arcadia and trapped there for who knows how long. in your durance, you dream of going back home, of reuniting with your friends and family, escaping your keeper to finally, finally enjoy freedom in the world you were born in.

– and one day, you do escape. back into your world, never feeling completely safe with your keeper looking to get you back and huntsmen being a very real threat, but you're ready to rebuild your life and enjoy your newfound freedom.

– there are various mentions throughout the ctl books on how unsuspecting or heedless changelings might have their freedom stolen again, this time by kindred. so, as it turns out, you'll have to deal with creatures other than the true fae who are more than willing to keep you caged!

the angst potential in a changeling reuniting with ther parent(s) only to find out they've become something inhuman, and not all that different from their keeper is unmatched.

maybe you watch them from a distance first. maybe you excitedly seek them out. maybe you just randomly bump into your parent by complete chance, after presuming them dead or deciding to abandon your old life. maybe they find you.

but the point is: they're kindred. so different from when you last saw them, as a teenager, as a child, before you were taken. as if having huntsmen and your keeper after you wasn't trying enough, a vampire parent comes (back) into your life to make it even more complicated.

a ventrue dad will make his ghouls your bodyguards, following you day and night. it makes you insanely uncomfortable, as you liken them to changelings serving true fae back in arcadia. he says it's because of his own dangerous kindred affairs that might affect you, but after an unplesant encounter with the huntsmen he might just decide you shouldn't be out and about at all.

your parent is either a neonate or an ancilla by the time your return from arcadia. your fetch is dead for whatever reason, expired, after living a life in your stead, automatically making the vampire believe their child is dead– now imagine their surprise and confusion when they see you– real you, living and breathing. and maybe you're distraught, too, seeing that they haven't aged a day or should, depeding on how long you've been gone, be most definetly dead.

(this is absolutely NOT going to send the vampire parent into a mental breakdown and spiral into obsession upon discovering the child they have lost and buried was literally a soulless copy of their real child who got kidnapped by faeries. a clone made out of twigs and a cat's eyes that stole their child's place and they never noticed. everything is just fine. it does not them affect them mentally at all :3)

(bonus points if the fetch was killed by the vampire parent's enemies after being entagled in their mess. they feel like they are getting a second chance and will absolutely not screw it up! cue you, poor changeling, being locked away or put under heavy surveillance.)

on the other hand, a kindred parent who currently has a living fetch of their child just being EXTREMELY distraught when they keep spotting someone who looks exactly like their kid at random places they definetly shouldn't be at is very funny and kind of unsettling!

(a vampire mom just feeding on mortals at the club, socializing with other kindred, perhaps dealing with some unresolved issues with her sire, etc. Then she spots you, her real kid, unbeknownst to her, just chilling, among all those dangerous vampires, when you're supposed to be in your dorm room at least a thousand miles from there. she calls the fetch's phone, expecting you to pick up and start explaining yourself. your fetch answers the phone, talks to her, sleep-drunk and confused as to why she's calling so late, but the person she's looking at has made no motion at all. they're not talking. they have not picked up the phone. but that's her kid's face, she's sure. what the fuck?)

for low-humanity ancillae/elder kindred, having their child back might bring about long-forgotten mortal feelings of genuine parental love, although they might express in the very unorthodox way kindred would. they simply do not understand why their child does not want to be around them. they just want to bond with you and keep you safe where kindred and fae can't get to you, make up for lost time. what do you mean they're "just like your keeeper"?

i think a lot of kindred parents will leave you be, mostly brujah or gangrel, knowing you'll be safer if they keep you away from their world. provided there was no fetch to replace you, they think it's amazing enough you were found alive and well after years of being a missing person. you don't like talking about what happened in your... "durance"... fine, they'll keep the investigators off your back, too. they might not even know you're no longer human. but they are going to check on you once in a while, or keep tabs on you, or even have some of their people watch you from a distance. just to make sure.

(just don't let them catch wind of all the changeling shenanigans or huntsmen attacks on your person. that might just change their mind...)

kindred parents might believe you're safer away from their world, yes, but they can just as easily bring you into the mess of kindred society without a second thought.

not very fun being a fairest when your toreador mother insists you show your mien to impress her fellow clan mates and other kindred with your overwhelming beauty. she's always been a pageant mom, so this shouldn't surprise you. there's several layers of wrongness to this, from having your changeling identity exposed to multiple vampires to further your mother's social status to this very situation bringing back so many unpleasant memories from your durance, and it's bound to end badly.

(the toreador pageant mom could very easily be a nosferatu pageant mom, a cleopatra now living vicariously through your fae-given beauty.)

(she will realize how terrible a mistake that was when vampires start really paying attention to you. or not. who knows.)

(gifts that could easily have come from a true fae lord start pouring in. letters written in excessive passion, bouquets of bloody roses, dresses made out of human skin, all delivered by equally dazed-looking ghouls. perhaps your mother will know, then, she fucked up severely. or maybe she'll just tell you to be grateful for those wonderful gifts.)

on another hand, a nosferatu parent taking one look at their fairest child's mien and deciding "oh. no kindred can see you like. ever. stay away from toreador specifically". you don't know what a toreador is, but you'll try to heed the advice.

your ancilla mother meets your motley and proceeds to show them baby pictures of you, taken in the 1870s shortly before your abduction to Faerie. they are very well preserved and you look most proper in your little sailor outfit.

you have a beast/ogre seeming and your gangrel parent thinks you're pretty rad :) you go hunting together.

your tzimisce dad has living furniture made out of human skin, but it's nothing you haven't seen in arcadia before. he's a little disappointed by your lack of enthusiasm, and very offended when you tell him your keeper had better taste in couches. trying to evade a tzimisce dad after he's been made aware of your existence is a difficult task, and you will get caught and held captive at one point (for your safety, of course!). if there is a fetch currently living your life, they will be immediately killed or horribly tortured (read: vicissitude) for the crime of decieving the tzimisce and impersonating you, regardless of you already having decided to leave said fetch alone.

(tzimisce dad thinks you should be thankful. he dealt with the imposter. shouldn't you be happy?)

(if he’s got cash and has some land within his domain to spare, he might let you build a little home not too far from his own to give you a semblance of independence to try and settle you down. might.)

(on the other hand, you have the chance to become a really good escape artist. take your time in captivity with your tzimisce dad to practice your escaping and running away skills, after all, every good changeling needs it! you also get the bonus of reliving your childhood/teenagehood with all the sneaking out.)

(quick intermission: all of these concepts might result in low-clarity for the changeling?? i'm not too sure how clarity damage works yet.

update: it absolutely might!)

your malkavian mother thinks she's plagued with visions of her missing child, glimpses of what they might look nowadays, wherever they are. this is actually you, visiting her in her dreams through oneiromancy.

(everyone thought, back then, that it was just a scare. you wandered into the forest and for ten hours people searched for you, only to find you safe and sound, without a scratch in your body or a speck of dirt in your shoes hours later. but she knew better. she knew that wasn't really you. it haunted her for the rest of her life, and it haunts her unlife even now. she never made it to the hedge.)

you can't take your tremere parent ANYWHERE. you give in after endless nagging and take them to a goblin market, but their arrogance will get them roped into terrible deals if you don't keep your eyes on them full time. you do take this as an opportunity to show off your changeling capabilities. you're in your element.

(you also drop life-altering bits of Faerie lore at random or inappropriate times. it sends them spiraling. you just hope they won't share it with anyone...)

darkling changeling just chilling with their nosferatu dad in the sewers, sharing rats.

and that's all for today, folks.

#i put more effort into this than i should have #child in here is being used as a gender neutral term to daughter/son just to clarify #there is a lot that can be expanded upon like. how long does it take for the changeling to figure out their parent is a vampire?#how long does it take for the vampire to figure out their child is a changeling?#there is also a very real possibility of kindred trying to embrace/ghoul their changeling child not knowing how that is not going to work #we haven't even discussed court changelings.#and let's not get into changeling blood right now lmao #that's a whole can of worms we'll open at another time.#i had vtm in mind but if you want to interpret that as vtr please feel free!!#vtm #ctl #vampire the masquerade #changeling the lost #toreador #tzimisce #ventrue #gangrel #malkavian #long post.#wod #world of darkness #chronicles of darkness

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nyrandrea · 1 year

Text

End Of The Line

Summary: After your train breaks down and you’re forced to take refuge in a tree to escape from Charles, you have an unexpected heart-to-heart that may just save your life.

(Takes place during the events of Choo-Choo Charles, so there will be spoilers!)

Also available to read on A03!

Enjoy!

Archivists were—by nature—curious. You had to be if you were to assemble, catalogue and preserve highly valuable collections of historical information for a living. And when your old friend Eugene had called to invite you to a desolate island for a spot of ‘monster hunting’ , of course you were going to let your curiosity get the better of you.

But as they say: curiosity killed the cat.

Well, death hadn’t claimed you quite yet. But it was damn close.

Adjusting yourself on a tree branch you had barely managed to scramble up to, you glanced down at the poor, broken down train you had grown abnormally attached to; probably because it had kept you alive on this God forsaken island for so long—not to mention the sick purple paintjob you had bestowed upon it. Eugene would have killed you if he’d seen the sorry state the poor thing was in now.

Unfortunately, like your old pal, the train had just taken one hit too many and had reached the end of the line. Luckily for you, it had slowed to a stop near the thicket instead of out in the open plains; giving you one last chance to fight for survival.

Not literally; for how was one supposed to fight a goddamn demon spawn spider train from the fiery depths of Hell?

Instead, here you were, up a tree, in the middle of nowhere, while your doom prowled below as he patiently waited for you to give yourself up to his awaiting jaws.

But what Charles didn’t know is that you were unwaveringly patient too, and that you were simply going to wait up here until he eventually went away and use whatever metal scrap you had to fix up your train and continue on your way towards the temple with the eggs and commence the battle of the ages, liberate the island and save your museum from going under.

And get revenge for Eugene.

You glared down at the grotesque creature as he attempted once again to climb up the tree to get to you; the brush was too thick for him to break through, and the bark was slick with rain, making it an impossible climb for such a hefty beast.

He had nearly succeeded in claiming your life when he opted for brute strength instead and rammed himself into the thick trunk to bring the whole tree down—thank God its gangly roots seemed to cling firmly into the ground, steadfast in staying upright—it reminded you of the houses of Aranearum; perhaps the residents had built them from this very same wood.

Charles’s last resort was to attempt to shake you out of the tree by placing four of his limbs as far up into the branches as he could reach and whacking them with all his might. It was almost amusing to watch, like a cat that was frustrated that it couldn’t quite reach the bird it was hunting. You only hoped Charles wouldn’t try leaping up into the air and snatching you up with his claws, shoving you into his grinning maw and never to be seen or heard from again.

You shook your head to rid yourself of such morbid thoughts. No, you weren’t going to die here today, not to that... monstrosity .

Not when you had a promise to keep.

Paul had grown so much since you had last seen him; nearly knee-high he was! So much time had flown by since then. You had to wonder why Eugene had decided to move to this derelict island in the first place. His reason being to get away from the stresses of the capitalistic society that they had grown up in and raise his son in an idyllic nature setting so that they may live a nice, peaceful life singing Kumbaya or whatever.

And look where that got him.

Sighing, you looked up at the grey overcast sky as thunder rumbled softly in the distance. You couldn’t bring yourself to tell Paul that his father was dead, he had just assumed that the old man had decided to stay on the mainland instead of coming back to fight Charles, and you had went along with it, promising yourself, and Eugene, that you would be the bearer of bad news later, when all this Charles nonsense had died down. Only...perhaps it was you who was going to be the one dying soon, judging by how irate the demon spider train was becoming.

Pfft... ’demon spider train’ ...it still sounded so hilariously made up. Like one of those funny pictures that the kids these days like to mash together and post online. What were they called? Mee-mee's? Something like that.

You were beginning to think that maybe once you died, your old colleagues would rearrange what was left of your mangled corpse, stuff you and put you next to the dinosaur exhibit, because you certainly felt like one.

A disgruntled snarl suddenly caught your attention as Charles bared his fangs while he stared up at you with those glazed over white orbs of his; unseeing and yet seemed to bore straight into your soul. This was the first time you could just properly stare back at him since you weren’t frantically running for your life or aiming poorly at him with those ridiculously large guns the island’s residents kept gifting you with.

And boy, he was...and you hated to use this term given the terrible ordeal he had put you through, but he was magnificent .

Ugly? Sure. Malevolent? Absolutely. But the researcher in you couldn’t help but admire—and question—the physiology of Charles. Was he really part train, part spider? Or perhaps he simply used the train as a shell like a crustacean? Would he shed that shell once he grew too big for it and use another?

Would he use your train?

As if the creature were reading your mind, Charles eventually grew bored of staring menacingly at you and turned his back on you to saunter over to your smoking companion. He gave it a light smack with one of his legs and paused for a moment to glance over his shoulder, as if waiting for your reaction.

Was he...was he testing you?

It seemed that he was, as he hit it with a lot more force this time, making you flinch. That train was the only thing that was going to keep you alive while Charles was still on this island. You intended to fix it as soon as he lost interest but that was going to be nigh impossible if the bloody thing ended up getting completely pulverised.

“H-hey...!” You called out weakly, though it was enough to grab Charles’s attention. “You...you stop that now!”

The unimpressed look the demon gave you was enough to put you to shame. And unsurprisingly it gave him an incentive to keep going, his grin growing larger and more brazen with each whack, stab and slam as if to say,"What are you gonna do about it, huh? Come on down here, I dare you.”

You almost did, if only to protect your trains’ honour.

But there was bravery and there was stupidity; and you had neither trait. So, you opted instead to grab a few pine-cones and throw them down at him. It did nothing but you swore you heard a couple of exasperated grunts as Charles glared up at you with murderous intent once more.

Now it was your turn to grin.

That seemed to really do it as a well-placed body slam nearly sent you tumbling to the ground. Grabbing onto the trunk for dear life, it wasn’t until the tree had ceased shaking that you noticed the bag that you had hung on a nearby branch—since it was getting heavy for your poor old shoulders— was sliding down.

‘Shitshitshit...!’

Reflexes that you didn’t even know you still had suddenly kicked in as you just about caught the handle by sticking out your foot. The strain was a bit much on your ankle, but you still managed to pull the bag up. The flap was open, letting out a slither of bright neon colours that seemed to slice through the dullness like a dazzling rainbow, and nearly send Charles into a frenzy.

The sole reason the two of you were even here in the first place; the eggs.

Charles’s eggs, to be more specific.

You closed the flap and looked off into the distance towards the temple. You were so close, and yet oh so far.

A low growl earned your attention back down to Charles as he circled the tree once, twice, three times before finally settling down, tucking his legs underneath his body; almost akin to a cat. You couldn’t help but notice how mellow he had promptly become. There were no tantrums, no throwing his body-weight around and no malicious taunting. He was just...sitting there, looking so sullen. Was he worried about the eggs?

You nearly smacked yourself. Were you honestly feeling sympathy for a literal spawn of Hell that had been terrorising, killing and eating people for God knows how long? Were you really that out of touch these days?

Sure, you preferred spending time in the company of the exhibits at the museum rather than your colleagues, but this was ridiculous. Charles was an evil, monstrous... thing that needed to be exterminated. Wiped off the face of the planet. That was what Eugene had said. As well as every other resident on the island. Even the crazy ones. Therefore, it was the right thing to do. For everyone’s sake. For the world, even.

So... why was that tiny spark of hesitation still there?

Now, you didn’t claim yourself to be an expert on spiders but if any came into the museum, you had always been curious enough to check them out. Wolf spiders had been a particular fascination of yours. Hideous little things, and an incredible predator to boot. Swift and lethal; hunting anything that so much as twitched. However, when it came to parenting, they really did take care of their kids, and then some. The mothers would carry their babies on their backs for weeks—feeding them, protecting them, in rare cases even giving up their own life for them.

You glanced down at your bag. The eggs emanated not only in colour, but in warmth too; you almost wanted to hug them like a hot water bottle. But judging by the soft growl that reverberated from below, you didn’t dare.

“Oh hush,” you blurted out. “I’m not going to hurt them.”

Well, that was a lie. You were on your way to place the eggs on a pedestal in a temple in order to turn their life force into some sort of light beam that Charles would end up absorbing to initiate a fight to the death so that you could lure him to a bridge full of explosives where he would get blown to bits.

...Why did you let Eugene convince you to come here again?

Charles let out a disgruntled huff.

“I don’t see what you’re so miffed about,” you said. “I could be at home right now. Sitting in my favourite chair with some nice hot tea in my favourite mug while my kids natter on about what they’ve been up to during their day—I don’t have any favourites there, mind you. I know a lot of parents do but I am all about equality.”

That was definitely a lie. Lily had always been your favourite.

You realised then that you had probably been stuck here for about a week now. No doubt your colleagues had probably phoned your partner to ask when you were coming back to work. You had mentioned the trip once or twice but promised it would only take three days at the most. Everyone was probably so worried...

You clutched the eggs a little tighter.

“Where’s your partner?” You suddenly found yourself asking, feeling as shocked as Charles looked at the unexpected question. Did he even have a mate? You only assumed since spiders couldn’t procreate independently. Then again Charles wasn’t an ordinary spider.

You reminded yourself to look up therapy if you ever managed to return home.

No. When.

As if to answer, Charles let out a short, sharp snarl. Nothing nasty. Just a little blunt.

Did...did he really understand you? Or was he just toying with his prey? Lulling you into a false sense of security perhaps? You couldn’t quite tell.

Either way you were grateful to have your first actual two-way conversation since you had arrived on the island. Even if it was with a bloodthirsty monster who probably wanted to decorate some massive spider web with your intestines.

The grotesque thought didn’t deter you. Not one bit.

You talked about anything that came to mind: your family, your job, favourite foods, places that you wanted to visit, horoscopes, the concept that nothing is real and everything is a simulation run by either aliens or the government. Eventually topics turned a bit more mundane, like the weather.

Which...you noticed was starting to pick up quite a bit. The wind was whistling louder, and the rain grew heavier; looking up, you could see why.

The clouds gathered with molten silver and bright whites that swirled in steady and radiating ripples. You loved the sky before a storm; the atmosphere was subtly electric, alive in excitement for what was to come. Nearby screeches came in the form of tossed gulls, flashes of white in the grey, tumbling as they struggled against the gale. Looking ahead, you could see the ocean rising in great mountains; anger in the form of water, turbulent and unforgiving.

You didn’t even hear Charles stirring before he made another attempt at climbing the tree. You recoiled back at his newfound determination and almost followed your instincts as they screamed at you to escape through any means necessary, whether it was climbing further up the tree or jumping down to the ground; both options were probably suicide, but anything was better than becoming dinner right now.

Though...you noticed Charles’s expression was less bloodthirsty and more...concerned. Worried even.

Not for you, but for the eggs.

His children.

You recognised that look immediately. It was one you wore constantly when your children were little. When they got lost in the grocery store when you turned away for literally one second. When they fell and scraped their knees. When you let them go to school for the first time on their own.

Fear. It was a constant companion for parents worldwide.

Even demon spider trains that came from the fiery depths of Hell.

And it was probably for that reason that you curled your body around those eggs when the lightning struck and ripped apart the only platform that was keeping death at bay. Funnily enough, you weren’t frightened of what was to come; if the fall didn’t kill you then Charles certainly would. Instead, you tried to think of yourself as falling back into a soft seasoned bed of autumn leaves, breathing in the aroma of the earth and watching the free-form clouds before everything went black.

Fortunately—or perhaps unfortunately—you only fainted momentarily. You woke up to the skies starting to clear and the rain only a light drizzle. With a pained groan, you managed to lift your chin for a brief few seconds to see your bag—with the eggs inside—still intact. However, you also noticed the branch you had been perching on was now on top of your legs, trapping them completely.

With a defeated sigh, you leaned your head back against the cool, damp soil and contemplated your options—or lack thereof.

The brief illusion of choice dissipated completely when that all-too-familiar grinning face came into your field of vision.

“Well,” you breathed. “Ya got me.”

You didn’t say anything else as nothing prominent came to mind. You had never really been the poetic type. You didn’t even bother asking him to make it quick because you knew he wouldn’t. In fact, he would probably eat you slower just to spite you.

The spider lifted the branches that were trapping you with relative ease, tossing them aside with a grunt before turning back to you. Screwing your eyes shut, the only comfort that came to mind was that at least you would be reunited with your old pal soon. The afterlife wasn’t something you paid any mind to—you would even call it nonsense— but Eugene had been an avid believer in it. You hoped it was real, you honestly did, as it was the only thing that would get you through the pain that was to come.

A pathetic whimper escaped your throat as you felt what you assumed were Charles’s pedipalps (the two front legs that spiders used to sense their surroundings—and...food). The touches were feather-like and danced across your chest as if the demon was trying to pin-point exactly where he would rip you apart. Teasing you right up until the end, you almost admired his tenacity.

You waited.

And waited.

…

Okay, this was ridiculous.

You cracked open an eye and almost demanded to know what was taking so damn long when you noticed that Charles had taken the strap of your bag between two pincers and slowly—almost delicately—eased the bag over your head before stepping away and peering inside. Satisfied that the eggs were safe, he turned back to you.

Well of course he wasn’t going to stab you before, you were still clutching onto his kids after all. There was a brief pang of pride in your chest at having managed to protect all three of them from the impact of the fall.

But now that you didn’t have them, there was no doubt that Charles would...leave?

You blinked a few times to make sure you weren’t hallucinating, but sure enough he was turning tail and leaving for the open wilderness with your bag. That not only contained the eggs but all your other stuff too. Your metal scraps. Your lockpicks.

The temple key.

Great.

Though slightly irked, you were still incredibly grateful, if not a little confused, to still be in the land of the living. Remarkably, your legs still worked too, they were bruised black and blue but there were no broken bones. You either had incredible luck or someone out there was looking out for you.

You still had that promise to fulfil, after all.

But now...you were torn.

Charles had granted you mercy this time, a rarity that nobody in the history of the island’s existence had ever seen. He was giving you an opportunity to leave and go home to your family while leaving his alone.

But doing so would leave the people here in danger, and—by extension—the world. When it came to everyone else, you didn’t particularly care, but since your own kids would be in potential danger...

So, you were probably going to have to go back to square one, get your bag back, along with the eggs, and go ahead with the original plan. You were disheartened at the thought of it, especially after seeing that Charles wasn’t some mindless evil monster but an animal—a highly vicious one, sure—that was just fighting like Hell to make sure he and his children survived in a world that had no place for them.

Who knew that you would have so much in common with a spider train, of all things. You almost scoffed at the thought. But one thing was for certain; you both valued family above all else.

And would do anything to protect it.

xxx

merry crisis everyone, hope you enjoyed my silly little fic :)

#choo choo charles #fanfiction #my writing #i put more effort into this than i should have

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