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marvelouslizzie · 1 year

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No One Else Matters

Summary: Things between you and Bucky Barnes have been going great until an Avengers dinner party reminds you of that one night you spent with Steve Rogers. Now you are afraid that the meaningless past hook-up might jeopardize your future with Bucky.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Word Count: 4.1K

Warnings: 18+ NSFW MINORS DNI, secret relationship, alcohol consumption but no one is drunk, semi-public sex, unprotected p in v (on birth control and clean), begging, pet names, dirty talk, mentions of past hook up with Steve Rogers, eavesdropping, no mention of y/n

A/N: Another random idea that turned into a one-shot thanks to my amazing friends. Thank you so much @notafunkiller for beta-reading and editing. Also, some lines belong to her because she helped shape the story and I appreciate it a lot!

This story isn't any form of Steve Rogers hate. I just wanted to write a story like this and it wouldn't work with anyone else besides Steve. If you don't want to read a story where Steve is a past hook-up that didn't work out well, please stay away from the story.

All work is mine, please do not repost or translate without my permission.

Every like, comment, and reblog is highly appreciated. Don’t hesitate to message me. I would love to answer questions or start a conversation as long as it doesn't include any kind of hate.

Read more tag starts after the first paragraph of the story.

Coming to this Avengers dinner might have been a big mistake. Essentially you were looking forward to this night because it had been a while since you saw your co-workers. Some are more like friends than co-workers, but working for SHIELD keeps everyone busy. Small events like this help people to get together, catch up and maybe plan other stuff for the future, but tonight feels somewhat different.

You were enjoying yourself until you saw Bucky and Steve casually chatting on the other side of the room. That doesn’t happen very often and it reminds you of things you'd rather not think about. Things that happened years ago. Like that one time, you hooked up with Steve. It was buried so deep into your memory, you simply forgot about it and it’s not like you see Steve that often. Occasionally, his team asks for your help and you try to do your best. And you have been nothing but friendly to each other since that night. You remember him taking it pretty well when you said you’d rather stay friends with him. He probably wasn’t looking for a relationship anyways.

It was before everyone found out HYDRA was nesting inside SHIELD for years. He was simply the golden boy. The first Avenger who unexpectedly returned. A savior. Everyone was in awe of him and tried to be their best version. It felt like a fairytale came true.

The problem is whenever people make an idol of someone expectations go over the roof. And when you meet that person, see what they are like up close, you just notice he’s just like anyone else. Even though they didn’t do anything wrong or bad, it still feels somehow disappointing.

He was different than what you expected him to be. You noticed that pretty quickly and decided to keep things professional. It worked out amazingly until… now. You look around, trying to calm yourself down, keeping that memory to yourself because this is definitely not the time to bring it up.

When the dinner finally starts, it turns out to be a good distraction. You chat with whoever is around you about recent missions, the latest gossip, and things SHIELD is planning to do in the near future. But your eyes keep wandering towards Bucky, who is seated across the table. It’s a huge relief to see Steve and him aren’t seated together or even close to each other. Everyone knows they used to be good friends, but that’s not the case anymore. Since Bucky is back to himself and started to work for SHIELD, things went downhill for their friendship. They slowly drifted apart.

You try hard not to glance back at him again, but he’s looking at you. That makes things even harder. You notice how his lips form a small smile whenever your eyes meet and how he tries to play it off as something he did because of his conversation. But you know his smile is caused by you and even though you don’t want to accept that, it melts your heart a little more.

After the dessert is served, people start to focus on their drinks more. Different groups are forming, and when you want to take check on Bucky, he quickly tilts his head to the right, signaling you to leave the room and meet him. You look around to see if anyone noticed, but no one’s focus is on you two.

You do nothing but watch him discreetly walk away first, without waiting for an answer. He knows you will follow. And that’s exactly what you do: you place your empty glass on the counter and leave the room as subtly as he did. What you don’t notice is that someone actually has been watching you very closely.

You have no idea where Bucky went exactly, so you start to wander around, trying to guess where he’d choose to hide until he grabs you with his arm, pulling you inside an empty room before quickly locking the door.

“Bucky!” A half-yelp leaves your lips, but it’s muffled by his hand.

“It’s me,” he whispers against your ear before he starts to kiss your neck sloppily. “Relax.”

He doesn’t waste any time. His hands are everywhere on your body: grabbing your breasts over the clothes, squeezing your ass.

“I missed you.” His breathy whisper gives you goosebumps.

“Oh, I missed you, too.” You grab his face with both of your hands and finally kiss him properly. He happily sighs and lets you take control. His lips are soft, tasting like bourbon, which surprises you because he is usually a beer kind of guy. Maybe he decided to try something different tonight since he isn’t the one paying.

That reminds you of the party and everyone inside. Including Steve Rogers. Bucky’s ex-best friend. And that make the anxious feeling in your gut returns. You need to tell him about what happened between you and Steve. Even if you’re afraid that it would change everything between you two. But you aren’t ready to lose him. Not when you’ve just started to realize how strong your feelings are for him.

He doesn’t fail to notice the shift in your mood. You aren’t as present in the kiss as if you have something on your mind. He stops kissing you unexpectedly, making you give him a confused look.

“Are you okay?” He sounds genuinely concerned.

You take a deep breath. Maybe it’s just better to tell him now and get it over with. What’s the point of delaying the inevitable?

“I gotta tell you something.”

You see how his concern grows even more. His expression is serious and full of worry.

“Do you want to break this off? Is that what it is?”

God, the way he asked that question just hurts something inside you. He sounded so broken, so afraid.

“No, no! Of course not.” You quickly clear the air, leaving no space for any kind of misunderstanding. “But you might wanna break things off with me after I tell you… this.”

You can see how your words confuse him. He squints, trying to understand what you are talking about and coming up with a reasonable explanation. You know whatever he’ll think about won’t be even close to the reality, but you didn’t expect his response either.

“Are you pregnant? Is that why you are nervous?” His hand caresses your cheek as he asks you. “You know I wouldn’t leave you for something like that, right? We can do whatever you want. It’s totally up to you.”

No, you aren’t pregnant. That’s not even a possibility. You’ve been on birth control even before you two started to have sex. Still, hearing his soft-spoken words makes you melt inside.

“No, baby, I’m not pregnant.”

You both take a breath after eliminating another possibility. He looks at you fora few seconds, trying to decide if he should say it or not.

“Is it about you dating Steve?”

Words can’t describe how surprised you are. Questions flood your mind instantly. How much does he know? When did he find out? Who told him? And dating? No, you definitely did not date Steve Rogers. God, you have so many questions to ask. You don’t know where to start.

“You know about that.” It comes out more like a question than a statement. The shock is so clear in your voice.

“Of course, I know.”

“How? When?” The questions come out one after another and make him smile a little. You stop yourself from asking even more and decide to make one thing clear. “And I did not date him. It was a one-time thing.”

“Oh.” He sounds surprised. Maybe he thought it was more serious, but if so why didn’t he bring it up before?

“When did you find out?” You have to know.

“Not so long ago.”

“Who told you?”

“Sam. He thought there was some kind of tension between you two, but I couldn’t see it. So he explained.” He doesn’t sound like it bothers him much, which is relieving.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I could ask you the same.”

He’s right. He can ask the same question. Your answer is simple, though.

“I actually forgot it happened.” Is he really smiling? “It wasn’t that memorable to me.”

“That bad, huh?”

You can’t help but laugh. God, you love him so much. You were worried sick about how he would react and here he is joking about it.

“Do you want an actual answer?” You finally ask.

“Yeah, sure.” He doesn’t seem to mind.

“It was okay.”

Now it’s his turn to laugh. “So it was bad.”

“Like I said, not memorable.” You choose to repeat. You don’t wanna disrespect him that much, but you don’t even remember much about it. That was one of the reasons you wanted to stay friends anyway.

“Doll, it’s fine.” He finally decides to answer you seriously.

“So you don’t mind?”

“It was way before us. It’s not my place to judge you for it.”

That’s a huge relief. You were so worried he would just choose some kind of bro code over you but no. He chose you. You breathe out with a smile on your face.

“And if someone is gonna get judged for their past, it’s not gonna be you.”

You instantly frown because you understood immediately what he meant by it.

“That’s not the same thing. I chose to hook up with him. You didn’t choose to get brainwashed.”

“Yeah, of course, but I am the one who killed those people.”

“Bucky, no.” You touch his chest, trying to comfort him without realizing it. “Don’t go there. Please. That’s not a fair comparison.” You want him to be free of this guilt. He’s trying to redeem himself so hard, it has to end somewhere.

“Fine.” He finally accepts it. “I don’t care about your past. I only care about your present and future. Is that better?”

“Yes, it is better.” You wrap your arms around his neck and close the distance. “You are always so forgiving, yet you are so harsh to yourself.”

“As long as you are mine, I don’t care about anything.”

That does it. An unexpected jolt of arousal overwhelms you. Suddenly, you don’t feel shy anymore.

“Can you…” You try to collect your words. “Can you fuck me like you did the last time?” Asking that out loud feels a little weird. Maybe you should’ve drunk a bit more.

You watch as his eyes widen in response. Oh, he wants that as much as you do. No need to feel shy.

“Which position exactly?” He sounds so cheeky, but you can see his question is genuine. He needs additional info because it wasn’t a one-and-done.

“Against the wall.” You bit your lip, remembering how good it felt. So rough, yet so full of pleasure. You can’t help but shiver when you remember that orgasm.

“Fuck.” He surpasses a moan. “We have to be quiet, doll. Can you do that for me?” His voice is really low.

You eagerly nod in response. You aren’t sure if you can actually do it, but you will try your best if he’s going to do what you asked for.

“God, I love you so much.” You can’t hold yourself back anymore. Hearing those words from him sparks something unstoppable inside you. Grabbing him by the face, you crash your lips against him.

“I love you, Bucky.” You keep kissing him. “So much.” Your hands move south, unbuckling him as quickly as possible.

Your movements are rushed but not sloppy. Like you did this a million times before. It feels familiar, but it doesn’t change how much you need him. Urgently. And he doesn’t seem to mind that your act as if you are in a hurry. When you finally unbutton his pants, they pool around his ankles, and that’s when he decides to lift you up. His hands stay under your ass while he presses you against the wall, your dress already curled up around your waist.

“Are you ready for me, doll?” He asks with that voice he uses when he’s really aroused. It turns you on even more and you didn’t know that was possible.

“Yes.” You want him inside you so much. You need his lips on you. “Please, Bucky, I need you.”

“You do?” Oh, youknow this tone too well. He loves to tease you and make you talk more about what you want, and it’s always so rewarding. So you don’t hold back.

“Please, fuck me, I need your cock so badly.” Even though it’s dimly lit inside the room, you see the shift in his eyes. Your words are feeding some kind of primal need inside him. “I need you, baby, please. I’m so wet.”

“Let’s see if that’s true.” He holds you with one hand and aligns himself to your entrance with the other. You shouldn’t be surprised by how strong he is, but every time he manages to astonish you. He doesn’t even struggle to carry or hold you. When he finally thrusts inside you, a loud moan escapes your lips. The stretch is so fucking delicious. “Shh.”

“Sorry, sorry.” You quickly try to apologize. “It just feels ssso good.” A low moan follows your words.

“You know I love to hear you, doll.” He starts moving. “I love how you always beg for more.” His free hand goes to your head, pushing a strand of hair back so he can see your face better. “But this time we need to keep it quiet. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

“I’ll be good, I promise.”

That makes him smile. You wrap your hands around his neck again, wanting to be close to him. That’s when you both hear a sound really close to you. So close that you feel like it came right at the door. You both still for a second, listening to find out if someone is outside, but there’s no more sound. So that noise is long forgotten in a minute.

You don’t even care if someone is outside. You don’t care if someone hears you fucking. Bucky Barnes loves you. No one else matters. Your lips clash against his. It’s such a sloppy kiss, but you love every second of it. His hand moves to your neck, holding you in place as he starts to pound on you.

“Is this how you wanted it?” He keeps asking, wanting you to speak, but you can't. “Is it that good you went speechless?”

You nod eagerly.

“Come on, darling. Use your words.” He’s moving relentlessly, taking your breath away with each stroke.

“Yes.” You finally manage to say. “Oh god, yes.”

“Yes to what?” He taunts you. “Is that what you wanted or is it that good?”

“Both!” You say louder than you intended, then you remember you promised to be good and you lower your voice. “Yes to both!”

“Good girl.” His flesh hand travels to your neckline. He quickly pushes the straps of your dress down more, finally revealing your breasts. You aren’t wearing a bra, thanks to the padded dress. “God, look at you.” He marvels at you. “Such a pretty little doll. All mine.”

His mouth latches on your right breast, sucking and biting it while he keeps moving. He knows how to use his mouth well everywhere. It makes everything so much better. You can feel that pleasure starts to bottle up, your abdomen tensing.

Oh, he truly knows how to get you there. He knows how much you love it when you two climax together. It feels heavenly… like you are in your own little world and there’s no one but him there. Nothing else matters. As your legs start to shake with overwhelming pleasure, you imagine going back inside, talking to others while his come is dripping out of you. No one would know what you two were up to. Not a single soul. It’s your little secret. The thought makes you moan a little bit louder. Your hands grip hard on his shoulders.

Bucky moans right next to your ear. “God, you feel so good.” His hands are gripping hard on your ass. “I wish I can stay inside you forever. I don’t wanna move. I don’t wanna go anywhere else. I just wanna keep fucking you, until you beg me to stop.” Does he know what his words do to you? Does he notice how it amplifies your orgasm? Or does he just say whatever he wants to say? “I’m gonna come.” He warns you. “I’m gonna come, baby. I’m gonna come.”

You ride your orgasms together, as he empties himself inside you. His head falls on your shoulder while he keeps holding you. His lips press against the crook of your neck. While you keep taking deep breaths, you can feel his heart racing.

“Are you okay?” He asks while moving away enough to take himself out of you.

“Okay?” You question as he gently puts you on your feet. “I feel amazing.”

You lift yourself on your tiptoes and give him a full wet kiss.

“Now I believe you.” He gives you a little smile that only makes you want to kiss him again.

“I’ll be louder when we go home so you won’t have an ounce of doubt.”

“Yours or mine?” His question comes instantly.

“I don’t care.” You really don’t. All you want is him. Where, when, and how are just details.

He helps you shape your hair back to normal while you pull the stripes up. Your underwear is a mess and you are dripping out already. Bucky takes a napkin out of his pocket and kneels in front of you. He gently pushes the serviette between your folds, cleaning you up enough so you can go back inside.

“Thank you.” You love it when he takes care of you like this. “But you know that won’t be enough. I will keep dripping all night.”

“I’m counting on that.” You can see on his face how much that thought excites him. “Keep dripping onto your underwear while talking to others. Remember what we did here. Imagine what we will do later.” He stands up while you fix your dress and you realize that you can’t wait to leave this party already.

“You have such a dirty mouth. I love it.” You grab his face with one hand and just force him to kiss you. Not that you can actually force him to do anything, but he lets you anyway. “Come on. Let’s go back.”

It’s been a while since you returned to the party. Everything seems normal. No one even realized you were absent. No one is suspecting anything. That encourages you to look around for Bucky. When your eyes meet, he gives you a teasing smile while casually chatting with Sam.

The whole night you didn’t say a word to him. Not around other people. But you don't see any reason to keep avoiding him. Everyone knows you two are friendly. So you decide to walk over and chat a little.

“Oh, look who remembered us!” Sam jokes as soon as he notices you.

“Hello to you too, Sam.” You don’t mind his teasing. “Good to see you missed me.”

“Hey.” Bucky raises his beer bottle to casually greet you. He probably got tired of the bourbon.

“How are you, fellas?”

“Oh you know, missions and drinks. Same stuff,” Bucky answers your question.

“Nothing new?” You tease him, just to see how he would react.

“Nope. Just little old me doing the same things.”

“Really, I keep telling him to go on a date or something but no. He prefers this misery instead.”

You try to surpass a smile forming on your lips, well aware of the exact reason why he’s declining the offer.

While you’re staring at each other, Sam notices Steve on the other side of the room and raises his hand.

“Hey, Rogers!”

That’s definitely the last thing you need tonight, but there’s no way you can stop Sam. Steve joins your group in a couple of seconds, but for some reason, he looks… kinda miserable.

“You alright, man?”

“Yeah, yeah.” He absently answers. “I’m fine. Feeling a bit under the weather.”

“Maybe that super serum is finally wearing off.” Sam jokes and it manages to make Steve smile for a second.

“How are you all?” Steve asks while looking at the whole group, but his eyes stay on you for a bit longer than the rest.

“Oh, we are fine. We were talking about the lack of Mr. Barnes’s dating life.”

God, he isn’t going to let that go, is he?

“Speaking of dating…” Sam continues while taking his phone off. “I met this guy the other day and he’s perfect for you!” Is he talking to you? He shows you a photo of this blonde guy who honestly looks alright, but he’s practically a stranger. “He’s a good guy and he fits your type. I can give your his number if you want.”

“What the fuck, Sam?” Your response makes the rest laugh. “You are playing matchmaker now?”

“I mean… someone gotta do it and I was hoping you would find someone to return the favor for me.”

You look at Bucky just to see he’s kind of enjoying this while Steve looks thoughtful for some reason.

“That’s definitely not my type.”

“Really?” Sam side-eyes Steve for a second to see his reaction, but it’s like he already knew that.

“And I am already seeing someone, so…”

“Wait a second!” Sam sounds surprised. “You are seeing someone? Since when?”

“Why are you so surprised? You thought I would inform you about my love life or something?” Bucky is laughing quietly on the side, and Sam looks a little uncomfortable.

“I don’t know. I thought you were single. You are already off the market, huh?”

Bucky subtly nods to his last comment but doesn’t say anything.

“Yeah, it seems so.” You put your drink on the nearest surface and stretch your neck a little.

“Tired?” Bucky asks this time.

“Yes. I’m thinking about leaving. Maybe I should call an Uber or something.” You make a move to take your phone out.

“Actually… I was considering the same thing. I can drop you home, you can save up the money.”

“Really?” You didn’t expect him to offer to leave with you. Usually, one of you leaves first and the other follows, but maybe after tonight's events, he decided that there’s no reason to hide anymore. “Sure, that'd be great.”

You see Sam rolling his eyes. “There go hours of effort.”

“You wanted to leave before?” It’s obvious you are talking to Bucky.

“No, not really, but he assumes that and tries to talk me into staying every time.” You start to laugh. It’s not hard to imagine why Sam thinks he’d rather be somewhere else.

“Sorry, Sam, but we are old. Apparently we need more sleep.” You are mocking yourself and Bucky at the same time, wondering how he’ll react.

“He is old, but you… not so much.”

“My soul is old and that’s enough.” You raise both of your hands and wave a goodbye. “Anyways, time to go. Good to see both of you.” Your thumbs and index fingers move around like two guns pointed at Sam and Steve.

“Good night,” Bucky simply adds.

While you two quietly walk away, Sam is already suspecting something is up.

“Did I drink too much or is there something going on between them?” Sam asks when you are far enough not to hear it.

“They are together.” Steve tries to sound as casual as possible.

“Wait! Really?” He thought something was just blooming between you two, not a full on relationship. “How do you know?”

“I heard them.” Steve notices how it sounds and quickly adds: “Talking.”

“And you are okay with that?”

“Yeah, sure.” That doesn’t sound convincing at all. “It’s not my place to say anything. It was never that serious.” He isn’t sure if he’s trying to convince Sam or himself. “I mean… I think she’d want to get serious, but she talked about staying friends and I jumped on the opportunity and agreed because I didn’t want a relationship.”

Sam nods. “Well, good for them I guess. They seem like a good match.”

“They really do.”

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lyomeii · 9 months

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a familiar face

❁ warnings: yandere themes, platonic relationships, manipulation, reader doesn’t really care about people other than daniel and co., blood (but nothing to drastically)

❁ synopsis: after successfully getting out of the game, you thought that you would live a normal life after spending so much time struck inside that place. however, after years, something brought you back to lookism and this time, things appear to be more dangerous.

❁ request by anon! Hello! this is gonna be a Iong request. can I request platonic yandere dg with isekai sister? Lookis has a game that follow the arc and then for some reason she has to finish the game mission in order to get home the game give her a fighting ability too so after she finish the mission she'll leave the body and the body died after she goes back home she think all that experience was a dream and forget the game but to dg his sister the only one family that he have in this world has gone passed away a few years later she found the game again and get isekaid again and meet Daniel , because Daniel is nice boy he let her stay with him this is when Daniel moved out to his new school. Daniel is the first yandere she meet. Btw reader haven't read the webtoon and skip the storyline in game so can you imagines in the idol arc reader come to visit Daniel then there's this pink haired guy who for some reason creep her out so every time they meet by accident she always run the other side away from him, but it's not really accident because dg keep secretly watching her and his very pissed with the yandere men that she keep attracting ( basically all the looking men )

❁ a/n: this take longer to post :/ but here it is. sorry for being an inactive in recently days, I got a writing block and still having to finish some worlds related to college. and im not so proud of this one, I admit that, I got a little disappointed with this but I finished this since I catch up with lookism, so enjoy it.

❁ could be a dream, but the sensation of the blood running down your nose speaking different. turned out that your biggest fear has happened and now, you’ve been throw inside the world of lookism once again.

❁ this happened a few years ago as you’ve taken the role of a younger, but skeptical sister of james lee and lets say you life wasn’t easy back then. not only everyone knew about your existence and tried to attack you, but james himself brought you along to his meeting with his bosses and coworkers. you become a popular person by many gangs because of your older brother, becoming a living target.

❁ luckily, james and some of his allies were there to help you to getting out of those trouble that he got yourself into. one time, he took off a man’s eye who flirted you and another time, that blond friend of his beat a gangster who tried to pick on you while smiling at you. aside from the typical violence, everything was going fine if you only focused on your school life. well, you do have the capability of fighting others, but you are too lazy to do it and whatever you are ready to join a fight, james lee shows up from nowhere to fight in your place, so it’s really rare when you have to fight someone with a brother like him.

❁ with that in mind, your life was pretty easy. that’s why you live a ‘normal’ life as a high schooler until you got back to the real world. after concluding all the missions and extra stuff, you simply died. it was a painless process (thank god) since it happened once you were sleeping at home. and once you opened your eyes, you were back to your original world, where things went back to normal, at least for you since you expected this to just a dream or something else.

❁ what you didn’t expected is this whole experience was indeed real for the characters. james found your lifeless body once he returned home with goo and gun with food, this whole situation almost made him lose his mind and almost destroy everything in his way, but he keep it himself and requested time to be alone for a while in order to grieve and also to take care of your body. it’s took years to him finally get over it, yet he keeps visiting your grave almost weekly with flowers in his hands alongside foods that you once enjoyed.

❁ he still grieving despite the many years that went by, even becoming a famous idol didn’t change how much he misses his younger sister and would do anything to bring her back. but then he sees someone that is almost a replica of his past sister, you.

❁ once back to this familiar word, you’ve taken a completely different role. now you are a teenager girl who share the roof with daniel in that small house. the two of you have a quite close relationship since you know about his two bodies and the whole deal, making you someone important to him. the two of you attend the high school together while you work at a daycare that your family owns in the center of the city.

❁ life is going great, well if you don’t count the fact that you are struck again inside lookism and this time things are crazier than before. why are teenagers entering gangs and fighting each others in class? back in your original world, teens were less problematic and in meanwhile, you also find out that one of your colleague is a single teenager father, now you babysit for daughter at the daycare for free since she is a cute baby. eli jang tried to convince to you to get a feee haircut in return, but you refused after seeing his previous victims clients.

❁ as times goes on, things get more crazier. more fights, more gangs and now Daniel is a training to be an idol? you really don’t understand how things are taking so fast, but you are willingly to support him at any time as long isn’t legal stuff. and that is why you meet that famous dude, DG. there is a familiar sense around him, but yet you can’t really tell what since you barely spend time around his presence as you have to work and babysit the children at the daycare.

❁ DG thought it was just a dream or a hallucination when he first saw you when handing daniel his keys since the boy forget it. you are a copy of his late sister, the same behavior, personality, appearance and even the same name. he had to hold himself to not hug you out of nowhere, remembering himself that his true sister died years ago and that you are a completely different person despite the circumstances.

❁ noticing how DG might be suspicious of your existence, you talked with daniel about getting an extra job in order to pay to help with the rent, but the boy didn’t let you overworking and promised to help you with anything if needed. he knows how much you work during free hours and how much you care about the others, often ignoring your own health and self-care, that’s why he promised himself to take care of you even that cost his life.

❁ and as more times goes on, you met even more people that you consider to be too dangerous for your lifestyle. the workers, big deal, hostel and the white tiger job centre! you didn’t ask for anything like this and now some members of those groups are becoming more prominent in your life, making you a little anxious as DG has start calling you almost everyday in order to learn more about you.

❁ not counting DG and Daniel, there are guys who often show up either on your job (like eli jang, who spend way much time at the daycare isentas of going home with his daughter) or just appear out of nowhere during your free days (jake kim and jerry kwion, both headaches that are more than willing to help you out and introduce you to the big deal). this two situation are the best if you count of all the many encounters you had with the many gang members that you are aware of.

❁ honestly, you just wanted to experience a peaceful and calm life before returning to the real world. but with the current situation happening, you are sure that will be struck in the lookism world for a couple of years.

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kieranxvalentine · 6 months

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Her Muse {Miguel O'hara}

༻♡༺✎ After posting a picture, everyone starts to wonder who is the one who makes your heart beat. Not knowing he was closer than they thought ༻♡༺✎ Miguel O'hara x Reader, Miles Morales x Reader (Platonic), Gwen Stacy x Reader (Platonic), Pavitr Prabhakar x Reader (platonic) ༻♡༺✎ PG rating (one suggestive comment) ༻♡༺✎ 1.1k words ༻♡༺✎ Author's Note: Welcome to my first post in this little Mini Series with Miguel x Idol!Spiderwoman!Reader. I have plenty more for this series! Hope you enjoy! (This hasn't been proof read yet!)

“You’re dating someone?!”

You chuckle softly at the surprised sound of your friends, Miles, Gwen and Pavitr all looking at you in shock.

You were a fellow spider variant, but not only were you a superhero, you also were a popstar, entertaining and saving the masses one day at a time. You were basically an interdimensional superstar, going to universe's and hosting concerts. (only modern ones though.)

You were really secretive about your life besides what you revealed to your fans, but after a recent picture that appeared on your Instagram had your friends and fans in an uproar.

“I could’ve sworn you told us you were going to be focused on your career! But what is this!!”

Miles, who you considered a little brother shoved his phone in your face.

You did make a big speech to them roughly like 7 months ago about how you were going to focus on your career and that you didn't have time for a relationship...

Well..clearly that was a lie..

It was a picture on your profile, it was clearly your waist, in an outfit from your most recent pop up performance, with a mans hands wrapped around your waist.

It was clear that the picture was cropped to obscure whoever you were with. You could only let a giggle slip from your lips as you took a drink from your water.

“Is he from your universe?” Gwen asked and you shook your head. This pulled a gasp from your friends and Pavitr was the one to ask the next question.

“Soooo…Is he a spider person?”

You went silent and avert your gaze playfully. Gwen stood up with her arms crossed a playful grin on her face. “That means yea! You’re dating a spider variant!’

“Yea but who? You know how many of us it is!” “Well, it has to be one of the older spiders, look at the size of that dude!” “Hmmm…”

You laughed again as you looked at the three of them. “You three are really trying to figure this out aren’t you?” That earned you three rapid nods and you only playfully rolled your eyes.

You hopped off the table, checking your dimensional watch seeing you missed a ping from Miguel O'Hara, the leader and head of the Spider Society.

“Oh sorry guys, I gotta go. I missed a ping from Miguel.”

Gwen nodded in understanding. “Oh yea, You might wanna go before you get in trouble, You know how he hates when people are late.”

Miles pointed a finger at you, “Don’t think that this is over Y/n! We will find out!!”

You rolled your eyes and gave them a wave as you head off to Miguel’s office.

When you first joined the Spider Society nearly 3 years ago, you couldn’t help but be intimidated by him. The way he carried himself with such authority and power, you remember after walking out his office you thought you were going to melt. He was just so perfect to you. He was strong, he was caring (although he struggled with sharing it), he was very, very, very attractive.

You couldn't help but make him your muse. Every great artist had one, and yours just happened to be your boss.

Most of your songs were about Miguel, nothing too explicit. Just cute puppy love songs, you were crushing since day one.

It wasn't hard to either, you would come up with lyrics after seeing him whenever you had to report an anomaly, or you'd bring your lyric book to meetings and use some of his own words in your songs.

Your fans loved it, trying to figure out who the mystery man was in your songs, but of course you couldn’t let them find out. Especially when some of the spider variants listened to your music as well! And it certainly didn’t help-

“Took you long enough.”

You gave a sheepish smile as you entered his office, seeing him up on his platform, looking over the various neon orange and red screens in front of him. You swung up to his platform, waiting as he turned around to face you.

He looked down at you for a bit before reaching to wrap his hands around your waist and pull you towards him, he places his face in the crook of your neck.

“I should’ve known you were going to post that picture of us..” He mumbled against your neck and you giggled as he nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck.

“I’m sorry Miggy, You looked really cute..! Besides, I cropped our faces out, they only saw the lower half.” You responded as you moved his face to kiss his cheek.

He only shook his head before pulling back a bit. “Oh really?” He gives you a small smirk as one hand went to your lower back. “You should post the full thing.”

You raised an eyebrow. Miguel was a very private person, hell, only two people knew you were dating Jess and Peter, and that was because they walked in to give Miguel updates on an anomaly they were chasing, they got an eyeful of the two of you kissing.

He was embarrassed and demanded that they didn’t tell a soul that the big scary boss of the spiders was dating the bubbly popstar.

So it was surprising to hear him want you to post it...

“Why? If you don’t mind me asking?..” You ask as you lean against him. He placed a hand under your chin, tilting your head up so that you could be looking at him. You felt your heart nearly leap out of your chest.

Damn this man and his eye contact, he surely knew how to make you nearly melt right into a puddle in his arms.

“That way people already know you're spoken for. Can’t have others trying to steal my wife away from me...can I?” He flashed another smirk at you, showing his fangs and you felt a blush spread across your cheeks.

He chuckled at your reaction, paying no mind to you nearly short circuiting at such an action... “Mi preciosa, You’re acting shy as if we haven’t done anything else already.”

“THAT”S DIFFERENT MIGUEL!”

"Is it? I mean, unless you start using my-"

"SHUT UP!"

He ends up laughing at your embarrassed face and leans to kiss you on your forehead.

“Here, theres an anomaly that just popped up. I can intrust my little idol to it can i?” You nod as he puts the universe coordinates in your Dimensional watch.

He gives you a hug and another kiss on the cheek, whispering the words. “Be safe. I love you.” before letting you swing down from his office.

You exited his office and blushed deeply, pulling up your phone, scrolling through your phone until you reach the picture in your camera roll.

It was a mirror selfie, Miguel’s hand wrapped around you waist with his chin on your shoulder. This was taken at his home after you came to visit him after a performance, which explained the attire you were wearing.

You go to your Instagram and take down the original, before reposting the full picture with the caption:

My Muse and My SuperHero <3

After you returned from your mission, you were met with a Laughing Jessica and a confused Peter.

“Hey guys! What’s going on?..” You asked as you walked up to them.

Jess stifled another laugh as she pointed to Miles, Gwen and Pavitr. “Seems like they saw your post.”

You looked over and locked eyes with Miles and You gave him a sheepish grin before taking off running, the young spider man following behind you.

“YOU’RE DATING OUR BOSS!? NO WONDER YOU DON’T GET IN TROUBLE!!” “I-it’s not like that Miles!!” “OH YEAH!? THEN WHY ARE YOU RUNNING!? GET BACK HERE AND EXPLAIN YOURSELF MISSY!” "I was going to tell you guys soon!!" "LIAR!! GET BACK HERE!"

©kieranxvaletine 2023 <3 Hope you all enjoyed!

#atsv fanfic #miguel o'hara #miguel ohara #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara fanfiction #atsv miguel #miguel spiderverse #miguel ohara x reader #miguel ohara x you #miguel x you #miguel x reader #miguel o'hara x you

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fan-goddess · 11 months

Note

Sugar daddy!aegon x reader au?

Authors note: Yeah sure I’ll definitely try! I kinda adjusted it so it’s still technically sugar daddy!Aegon but with a sort of relationship with it as well… it’s complicated. Also the plot is kinda similar to my onset patience, but we’ll just ignore that…

Taglist: @lovelykhaleesiii, @arcielee, @blue-serendipity,

Warnings: Sugar daddy stuff, allusions to smut, some angsty stuff, some fluffy stuff

The sound of your phones notifications made your heart pick up, and when you read them your face just instantly brightened.

You’d met Aegon on an official sugar baby app a few months ago. He was a little older yes, but he was honestly the nicest person when you’d begun to talk to him, and it helped he was somehow both the cutest and the hottest guy you’ve ever seen.

You hadn’t done anything like being a sugar baby before in your life, but the recent increase in the economy meant your life had gotten ten times harder, in every way that was possible. Soon, the pay you got at your simple job wasn’t cutting it, and the bills were piling up, as well as the worry of paying for your schooling.

One of your coworkers, a darling woman only a few years older who you’d confessed your money issues to, had recommended the app. Claiming she’d used it during her own schooling years and it payed well. All you needed to do was know who was a creep and who was actually a sweetheart.

When you had downloaded it, at first the app had just stayed unopened for weeks. Merely sitting there in your home screen, practically mocking you whenever you went past it. The bright pink colour of the icon effortlessly drawing your attention to it every time. You only opened it by accident, only after you went to go into your camera app to take some random picture, and yet when you realised you were looking at the log in screen for the app, you just couldn’t find yourself closing the app. Instead, you took a deep breath while staring at the screen, and filled out the necessary information with nervous breaths.

It’d been a couple days before you received your very first message. An ordinary looking guy at first glance, who according to his profile was in his forties and worked in a high position in a kind of security firm. Though when you opened the message, you found no helloes no asking how your day was. Instead, his first message was him just wanting to know if you would be interested in sending him some feet pics. To be honest, you don’t think you’ve ever blocked anyone faster than what you did then. Still, you didn’t get any more notifications from the app for a while, and even though you didn’t necessarily want the app in the first place, you must admit that your self esteem certainly went a little down hill.

However, a couple more weeks had passed when you woke up with a message request saying someone was interested, and when you looked at his profile, you honestly felt your cheeks become deep red with blush. He had a silvery-blonde hair colour that you’d never seen on anyone before, and his eyes were a gorgeous shade of purple that made them look almost lavender. When you finally stopped gawking at the profile and looked at what he’d sent you, silently praying that it wouldn’t be like the first time, you’d been so relieved to have been greeted with just a simple hello with a matching emoji. It was so simple, and yet you found it so easily adorable as well.

You couldn’t deny that he was attractive, and it wasn’t long till you found yourself answering to him and actually talking to him. Again, you were nervous he’d try and sneak in questions on feet, but the relief hit you hard when no conversations like that even happened. In all honesty, it didn’t even feel like you were talking to a sugar daddy. If felt like you were taking to a friend.

Though that friend bubble needed to be broken, and soon the topic of why the both of you were on the app came up. You’d confessed how you were in money troubles, and Aegon told you about his desire to treat someone with a kind of kindness that he never really received. He said that he liked to feel like he was wanted, even if it was for money, which is all honestly made you quite sad for him, and when you told him your concerns about that he just brushed it off quickly, as if he was used to it.

Though soon, an agreement was made between the two of you. He’d take you out for all these nice things, get to parade you proudly at family events and in return, he’d pay you for your time generously and get to treat you every so often.

One of the guidelines of the app when you first signed up included answering whether you’d be interested in having sexual relations with your sugar daddy, and you’d ticked yes with the image of this gorgeous older man in mind. You were almost tempted to change it after the feet guy, but you were glad you didn’t. Aegon had made it clear he’d never force you to have sex with him, a fact you were grateful of. Yet even so, there was this sort of line between the both of you that every so often kept getting smudged and blurred.

If you could’ve, you probably would’ve blamed Aegon and his stupidly pretty face. The first time it happened, he’d taken you to some high class bar, and of course as Aegon did he bought some very expensive wine. You were never good handling your drink, and Aegons flirtatious words that you usually would just slyly answer back with a smile, became too much for tipsy you as your face began to go warm and flush a deep red as you began to heavily flirt back with a hand on his arm. Sober you the next morning, while you laid in bed naked under the sheets with your legs numb after cumming around five times, couldn’t help but feel an immense pride as the image of Aegons flustered smiles came to memory.

Though soon that line got crossed over again, then again, then again. Until nearly every time Aegon took you out for a meal with his family or some kind of business type of situation, it ended in him driving you home, then fucking you stupid either in the car or in your or his bed.

It was a similar type of deal today, as tonight was a family dinner that Alicent claimed was arranged months ago. However, unbeknownst to her it was also the year anniversary of when you agreed to be Aegons sugar baby, and if the both of you had been able to have your way then there’s no doubt of mind the evening would’ve been spent by ordering food in and putting on a random movie the two of you could make fun of.

After Alicent had called him to remind him, Aegon had made sure to let you know that he wasn’t forcing you to go to this, and that he could most likely handle the evening by himself. But to his surprise, you’d persisted and actually said it’ll be nice to see his relatives. “I swear I’ll pay you like, five times I usually do darling! Fuck I am so lucky to have you!” He exclaimed pecking at your forehead with small kisses in gratitude. You can’t deny the slight twinge in you guy that you felt at the reminder of him paying you, but it didn’t matter to you at that moment. Only Aegon currently mattered.

The piece currently laying on your bed in front of you was something Aegon had suggested. A little thing he joked would help get the both of you through the no doubt soul sucking dinner with his family. It was a basic piece, just a red lace set of a matching bra and panties. Yet when you showed him what they looked like on you in the store, you could see it in his eyes that he was on the very edge of being brought on his knees from the sight alone.

When you put it on and posed with it in front of the mirror just now, you could’ve help but feel slightly excited for what’ll possibly happen later. You pare the piece with a deep blue dress that Aegon always compliments you in, and when you get the text to let you know that he’s waiting for you downstairs, you can’t help the smile and the slight blush from appearing.

As you step out of your building and look around, it’s not hard to spot the near comical looking gold painted car that Aegon had affectionately nicknamed Sunfyre. It’s a ridiculous looking thing to see you have to admit, but it’s such an Aegon car that you can’t help but secretly adore it.

When you get in, Aegon gives a small teasing whistle while he looks you up and down in appreciation. “Fuck baby… gonna make me wanna stay in and have you for dinner…” he grins. “Did you wear the piece?” You choose to not directly answer, and instead you simply pull the sleeve of your dress down slightly to reveal the contrasting red fabric with a cheeky smile. “Good girl” He smiles before placing a possessive hand on your thigh and starting the car before driving in the direction of the restaurant.

When you get two eventually get there, you’re both greeted with Alicents smiling face. It’s sort of funny that Alicent doesn’t know how you and Aegon really met, or the real contact of the two of yous relationship. If she ever did find out how you met, she’d probably lose her mind.

For the rest of the night, you play the part of the loving and doting girlfriend to perfection. You make sure to talk to Helaena about her current affairs, and when Alicent attempts to inquire more about your and Aegons early relationship before he introduced you to them all, you make these stories sound so real that there’s even an almost wistful tone in your voice. You can even see Aegon looking at you out of the corner of your eyes with an almost saddened look, yet still you choose to ignore it and continue on with the night.

By the end, Alicent makes sure to let you know that she loves you, and talks all about how much she looks forward to making you an official daughter of hers. As much as the idea makes your stomach twist, you have to awkwardly laugh it off and move backwards towards the car while Aegon makes quick work of distracting her while she begs for some more grandchildren. When you get in, you turn the radio on to some random station and wait for Aegon to get in and start the car.

“I’ve transferred you the money, you wanna stay at mine or stay at yours?” He asks as he starts the car and drives off.

“I got an early class tomorrow, so mine please Aeg.” You smile, turning to him to speak before looking back out of the window to the scenery.

The rest of the car ride is filled only with the sound of some cheesy pop song playing on the radio, while you attempt to pass the time by variating between looking out the window and scrolling aimlessly on Instagram. You can still see Aegon peeking over at you every so often, and still you just pretend like you don’t see it.

Though when Aegon places a hand on your upper thigh, you can’t deny the warm feeling you feel in your lower belly, and in turn like a reflex you place your own hand on his, and lazily stroke a finger on the warm skin.

It’s late that night, when you find sleep eluding you can’t help yourself from tossing and turning in your bed. A couple times you even find yourself reaching out for Aegons warmth, and feel even more miserable every time when your hand makes contact with the cool sheets.

It’s around half eleven though when there’s a strange knock on the door, and when you answer it in your silk nightgown, you can’t even hide surprise on your face when your eyes make contact with Aegons.

“What are you doing here?” The breathless tone you speak in surprises even you.

“I couldn’t sleep…” Aegon mutters. He’s dressed in casual clothing, but he obviously didn’t dress himself with style as an intention, cause if you weren’t as tired as you were you’d joke he looked like Valyrian Adam Sandler. His eyes are drawn to the floor, and when you look down too you can’t hide the amusement when you realise he’s actually looking at the skin of your legs. “Needed to see you, as I missed you…” You can’t deny the warm feeling in your chest and the small smile you can’t resist when you hear Aegons confession, cause it’s just what you were feeling half an hour ago yourself.

You can’t deny it for both for him and yourself as you step aside and motion for him to come in. Aegon trails in as you shut the door and lock it behind him, and yet he does’t take much time to drag himself to your bed and strip himself down to his underwear and get under the covers.

When you walk back to your bedroom to join him, it’s almost as if it’s automatic when he opens his arms to welcome you in a cuddle, and when you do give in and let his arms surround you in a hug, you can’t help but smile in the comforts of his chest as his body heat seems to completely surround you, and you just get this feeling of safety rushing over you.

When you signed up to the sugar baby app, you never thought you’d meet a guy like Aegon, and as you feel yourself become sleepy with the mixed sound of his light snores and his heartbeat, you honestly don’t think you’d change or willingly drop this agreement for anyone else.

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muniimyg · 1 year

Text

kimi's comfort fics (2023)

note: these fics are pretty "old" since most of the writers are no longer active or the fics have been posted years ago.. BUT !!! some are recent with active writers so i would 100% recommend u check out their other works nd send them love !!! that being said, i did not link the stories but i did link the writers 🫡 this way u can check out their other works nd blog in general 💅🏼✨

nevertheless, they are all masterpieces that have heavily inspire my work nd personal life because i am delulu 24/7 <3 this list consists of my core comfort fics like... y’all don’t even fcking know how much i love them

‼️ for the most part, all of these fics imply mature content !!! minors dni ‼️

smau recs

@firebettercallnct

color of your shirt (kth)

cuffed (knj)

stay and cook (jjk)

stole your shirt (jjk)

went through your phone (jjk)

these fics were the ones that made me absolutely fall in love with smaus. smt abt the style nd way the plot seamlessly depict a beautiful and lighthearted aura... ugh, it jus gets me every mfking time </3

@kimnjss

be my baby (myg)

cyberslut (myg)

kinda hot (kth)

cherry pickers (jjk)

plot twist (knj)

i think kez is a mastermind nd i’ve always admired her constant updates nd organization! have u seen her taglist? BRUH i could never :’) these fics rlly made me feel BUTTERFLIES i don’t know how else to describe the way kez makes these works so fcking interesting every time

headcanons

@jungshookz

stuck with you (kth)

suit & tie (myg)

hellish (myg)

basketball!captain (myg)

baby, you can drive my car (myg)

beauty & the bookworm (knj)

these headcanons literally give the serotonin boost i need. they hit so mfking good nd the energy is jus 10/10

fic recs

series and drabbles by @noteguk

bad influence: collection (jjk)

any way you want (kth)

house rules (jhs)

for science (jhs)

let me tell u... these fics were a CULTURAL RESET. god bless them nd tHE WAY NALA IS BACK??? hello. i love u so much. thank u for creating such breath-taking stories with ur incredible writing... u’re insanely talented nd i look forward to more of ur work… like fuck,, i’m so shy rn 👉🏽👈🏽

series and drabbles by @yoonpobs

with you (ksj)

back-burner (myg)

ice skating and holding hands (myg)

cold (pjm)

i absolutely went ✨ I N S A N E ✨ for back-burner yoongi. i was literally taking an accounting class (which i failed nd i have never failed anything in my life) nd thursday aka back-burner update day would literally be my motivation to mfking LIVE. i love the underlying nostalgia in these works.. i literally don’t know who i would be without these fics (i’m downplaying how much i love them arghh)

series and drabbles by @1kook

skirt chasers (jjk)

netflix & chill (jjk)

dreamy (pjm)

absolute icons. literally so well written, it’s unforgettable !!!

series and drabbles by @h0neypjm

confident (jjk)

for practice (kth)

homie hopper till i die (pjm/kth)

these are the ones that... make me feel some type of way... like… 🦋⚡️❤️‍🔥 way… yk?

series by @floralseokjin

the devil wears armani (ksj)

crystallised saga (ksj)

please be naked (myg)

i think these fics stabbed me in the heart nd the wound never healed. that’s the best way i can put it... i love anything jordan writes but these... these are litereally the bane of my existance. crystallised has so much depth in it nd i honestly feel like i’m in the story with the characters.. i’ve never experienced desperation until i read the devil wears armani because wHAT THE FUCK... pbn is... yeah. let’s just stop here..... 😪

series by @btssmutgalore

nude (kth)

bicker (kth)

benefits (pjm)

🫶🏻 ok. we need to have a conversation about nude. NUDE HAS RUINED MY LIFE. yk why? because the same way it grasps my heart,, it breaks nd makes it new. literally. like mfker rlly said “whatever u say goes” bITCHJFKJSLS IM CRYING IN THE CLUBBBBBB 🫣

series by @personasintro

mutual help (jjk)

my tiny secret

i read mh while it was jus starting.. to see how much it progressed nd how many ppl read it now is mindblowing! my tiny secret was the first ever bts fanfic i ever read... so.... YESSSS

series by @gukslut

rattled (jjk)

oh my god. this has to be my ultimate comfort fic. i’ve never read something so original nd heartbreakingly beautiful. the gradual build nd the way each character experiences nd works thru their issues... chefs kiss... i read this fic at least once a month to remember what love feels like 🥹👊🏽

drabbles by @jeonqkooks

just friends (jjk)

angel baby (jjk)

the moon, and all the stars (jjk)

this is how you fall in love (jjk)

i always see jen sharing her thoughts on my work... but bro... let me mfking tell u... her work speaks for itself. i’m so in love......

drabble by @jungkxook

let’s play: dirty (jjk)

THIS ONE IS SUCH A FUN READ. i need it injected into me tbfh. i always reread it when i’m feeling down

drabble by @angelgukks

pu$$y fairy (jjk)

can not be beat. mfking love this drabble fr

i also want to take the time to express my deepest love nd thank u to the writers who have left this platform. to the writers who have moved on nd left us with memories of their work; ur efforts nd storylines will remain in my heart forever <3

i esp loved a lover’s kiss by @hueseok .

#ask muni #🌱: kimi writes #bts social media au #bts fic #bts fake texts #bts fic rec #bts angst #bts fluff #bts drabble #bts smut #bts series

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xxwritemeastoryxx · 1 month

Text

What the Future Holds Ch. 1

Author: xxwritemeastoryxx

Pairings: No set pairings.

Word Count: 3198

Warnings: 18+ MDNI please! There really isn't anything to warn about in this one. We're just getting started. There canon typical threats and mentions of free will being taken away. A single mention of being sold. I think that's it.

Author’s Note: This should have been out ages ago, but it's finally done and ready for you guys! Also I would like to note that in this chapter, the twins are 20 years old. I usually try to keep age out of my fics but for some reason it was a detail that was needed. However, before we fully jump into the story the twins will be 25.

I do not and will not ever give permission for my fics to be copied and posted on other sites. Don’t do it. Don’t be that person that ruins it for me and everyone else.

Feedback gives me life and motivation for future things. While likes are appreciated, reblogs are gold. Seriously, if you enjoyed this in the slightest, please reblog ♥

A sense of deja vu washed over the L/Ns as they stood within the Mikaelson study. Elijah had stood by the large bay windows as he went over the written contract in his hands. Each paragraph of it he had read thrice to ensure he hadn’t missed anything. Anything to help them out of their own stupidity.

“What persuaded you to go to the De Martels?” Elijah’s voice had almost sounded bored. Almost as if he wasn’t worried about the details that the pages contained. But after being around for as long as he had, it was as easy as breathing to make it seem like there was nothing to be worried about.

“We weren’t meeting deadlines as we should have been.” Dante L/N had said keeping his chin up. Unlike his visit with his rather distant grandmother, he wouldn’t look away from Elijah. He knew that all he had to do was blink the wrong way and there was a possibility of not opening his eyes again. “With the recent region transfer of powers, we were close to losing everything.”

The regions were constantly changing. Ever since the uprising, country and state lines no longer existed. Territories were claimed through slaughter while creating new lines. Regions belonged to those who had dared to take it over and maintain it. This family of L/N’s had lived on the border of where the De Martels had taken over and where The Mikaelsons had control of the region.

The Mikaelsons’ region contained what used to be a majority of the southern states. Most of the gain had been due to Klaus claiming it. Taking out the annoying young that refused to listen had been easy. Running the region had been a completely different story. One that Klaus left Elijah to deal with.

The stories that had been passed down through the generations had expressed that Elijah had changed since the vampires had taken over the world. The nobility of the Original vampire had died the moment his eldest sister had been murdered at the hands of humans that sought out to rid the world of the supernatural.

The L/Ns hadn’t personally known the Mikaelsons until recently. The young couple had barely made it back home after the birth of their twins when they were introduced to the Mikaelsons. A binding contract had been made that night. One that would ensure that the family would be protected until the children became of age.

“Why not come to me with these matters?” Elijah asked as he placed the contract down on the table. “The De Martels may have obtained new territory, but that does not instantly grant them ownership of business.”

It amused Elijah on how easily humans nowadays would jump into the agreement with vampires without looking over anything. While at times it had been amusing, he longed for the days that the humans would actually think before making a deal with a devil.

“Much like the night you came to us,” Dante began. “The De Martels had come knocking. Every piece of data had been combed through and used to present us with this offer. I believed it to be beneficial, until Clara had expressed how blindly I had gone into this.”

A small smirk pulled at the corner of Elijah’s lips. “How is the darling Clara doing these days?” He had known Clara for a handful of centuries. While he had never interfered in her life in ways he wished he had, he watched as the woman had grown into a power of her own. “Must have been one painstakingly long night if she looked over this.” He waved his hand towards the contract.

“Is there truly no loophole?” Dante’s wife asked, ignoring the questions that had been asked by the vampire. “I do not wish to be rude, but I know the safety of my children is at stake. And with that safety is also the agreement we have with your family. I’d hate for it to be violated by my husband's mistake.”

Elijah sighed as looked at her. “There is no loophole. The De Martels know how to work things in their favor. But with or without your husband’s ‘mistake’.” His eyes flashed over to him for a moment before looking back towards her. “I give you my word that I will do everything in my power to ensure your children stay safe.” He watched as she let out a shuddering breath. Even if the stories said he had become ruthless, everyone knew his word was binding. Elijah Mikelson never broke his word.

“Thank you.” She said with a slight nod.

He nodded in return. “How are their lessons?”

The three of them knew this was a way to change the subject. To change it in a way that would give the two humans some breathing room, even if it was just for a moment.

“Alexander is thriving.” She said with a smile pulling at her lips. “We believe that in a few years time he’ll be able to take over the business and when the time is right, he’ll do fine with the prophecy you’ve told us.”

“What of Y/N?” Elijah asked and he watched their faces fall. It caused him to raise a brow.

“Her head is in the clouds more.” She said with a sigh. “It is as if she knows that her life will be set and the importance of lessons isn’t at the top of her list.”

“Perhaps I should speak with her.” Elijah offered. He watched their eyes widen for a moment in fear. “Fear and ignorance is what has led us into our current situation. Striking fear into Y/N will do nothing but hinder her. It is my intention to help steer her in the right direction.”

“With Compulsion?” Dante asked, a bit of venom lacing his words. The need to protect his daughter rising within his veins.

Elijah scoffed. “Anyone else would. They’d actually do worse to her in order to get her to fall in line.” With each word that he said the two in front of him had their fear grow at the possibilities that could happen to their daughter. “It’d be easy to bend her mind to do as needed. To make her obedient. However, my method of speaking to someone who could potentially change the course of things isn’t to manipulate them in any way. I was merely suggesting a moment to encourage her to use those clouds she's found herself in to her advantage.”

If there was one thing that hadn’t changed with Elijah, his way with words was enough to give the right push without so much as using compulsion. There were other methods to ensure things were done as they needed to be. And while he would occasionally use compulsion to his advantage on numerous occasions, using it on Y/N was and never would be considered an advantage. Not when some twist in Fate deemed the L/N twins the very two that would give the world back the balance nature so desperately wanted.

Before the Vampires had taken over, Freya had strange premonitions that gave heavy meanings to peace and balance. Flashes of a future that seemed so chaotic and almost barbaric had plagued the witch for weeks with no understanding of what it could mean. What threat the Mikaelsons would face.

Elijah could easily remember the day Freya had told him and their siblings of some prophecy that was shown to her. The details were almost laughable. How could a world change so much to warrant nature to demand a balance when the details of it all had seemed so fictional. While the majority of the siblings had brushed it off, Elijah had asked for every details.

“The natural balance of things will be threatened. I do not know by who or what, let alone when this chaos is supposed to unfold.” Freya explained. “I just know that a particular set of twins from a particular bloodline are supposed to be the balance that we will need.”

“What kind of balance would they even be capable of providing?” Elijah asked. He had known about several covens and their fascination with twins.

“One will stay human. The other will become a vampire when the time is right.” She explained. “What I’ve seen of them, they aren’t of current times. It will be some time before they are even born, let alone old enough for what needs to be done.”

“Nature doesn’t wait for it’s balance to manifest generations later.” He noted.

“I know.” She sighed. “That is where it doesn’t make sense. Why will the balance favor vampires so easily? All I know are the images and names of the children. Something horrible is going to happen, Elijah and I don’t know if I’ll be around to help fix it.”

“Tell me how I can help.” He offered, wanting to ease the worry that was building up within his sister.

“Unless you know fraternal twins named Alexander and Y/N L/N, then I don’t even know where to start with the help.”

A month later the world descended into chaos and there wasn’t much the Mikaelsons could do to stop it from unfolding. They could only adapt as the world changed. Including murdering the hundreds of humans that had hunted down and murdered every witch within New Orleans, including Freya.

Elijah had kept every detail Freya had told him locked within his mind. A way to hold on to not only the memory of his sister, but to make sure he did everything he could to help fulfill the prophecy that she had seen.

It had been Clara that had told Elijah about the twins when they had been born. At first it had only been mentioned out of disbelief. The L/Ns never had twins in their family and the first set had been born within the freedom of her protection. From there, Elijah had questioned about their names. And when he had every detail, he knew they were who Freya had seen.

That had been twenty years ago. Elijah had created a contract that would work in the world’s favor. The twins would get the protection they needed while ensuring they received the proper education and training for what was destined for them. While Elijah had hoped that ‘right time’ wouldn’t come until they were well into their twenties, he couldn’t be a hundred percent about it. All he could do was prepare them.

“She does prefer you over her recent tutors.” Her voice broke Elijah from his thoughts of the past. “Maybe speaking with you would be best.”

She was trying to ease the tension that was growing between the three of them. It hadn’t been a lie though. The three of them had noticed the way Y/N had preferred the way Elijah tutored her over the hired tutors. She wasn’t so easily distracted with the humans that tried to keep up with the lessons that Elijah had instructed the twins take.

Elijah nodded his head. “Have they traveled with you?”

“Of course.” Dante nodded.

“Then send her in and I’ll discuss it with her.” That was the only kind of dismissal that Elijah was giving them. He wasn’t going to continue the conversation when he knew it would lead to Elijah probably losing his temper on Dante over his stupidity.

He watched as the pair collected their things, including the contract and stepped out of the study. Elijah had been alone for only a few moments before Y/N had stepped into the room. She hadn’t even bothered to knock on the door. And for a brief moment, an amused smile pulled at Elijah’s lips.

“My parents said you wished to speak with me?” She asked as she closed the study door behind her.

It was strange to see how much she had reminded him of how humans used to react before things changed. In comparison to her parents Y/N didn’t give off an ounce of fear. Where her mother had kept her eyes downward, Y/N’s eyes stayed focused on him. There wasn’t even fear that he’d use compulsion with how she held his gaze.

Her eyes had matched her mother’s but there were flecks of silver that seemed to find a new home within her irises any time she blinked. Alexander’s eyes had the same thing but with gold flecks. But unlike Y/N, the flecks never seemed to change position as hers did. But there was one thing for certain as Elijah took in her eyes. She did not fear the world around her one bit.

“I did.” He nodded his head. “I was told your preference of tutors is making it difficult to focus on your studies.”

The neutrality she had on her features the moment she walked in had now shifted. A slight frown had pulled at her lips. However her eyes never left his face. “It’s not a matter of preferring specific tutors. It feels one sided.” When she watched him raise his brow, she continued. “The tutors are human. Any history lessons that are being provided are from that of a human. A human that has learned the details with prejudices embedded. I find it difficult to understand it when venom is laced in the words so often.”

A small hum of acknowledgement had left Elijah. “That is the point of some of those lessons. Words spewed out of hatred when the world descended into chaos will give you an opened mind when learning of what can be prevented. Yes, a vampire could give you more in depth details and firsthand accounts. It would include, if not be filled with more of the same venom about humans.”

“I understand.” She nodded. She paused for a moment, sorting out her words. “I know my tutors have been switched out more often than Alex. I do try, Elijah. I pass my courses and attempt to stay on track. But-”She stopped herself. A string of thoughts playing through her mind that she should probably keep the matter to herself. “I will make sure I do not disappoint.”

Elijah hadn’t missed the way she stopped herself or how her eyes had shifted away as she decided against whatever it was she was about to say. He had known how many times the tutors had changed. He had been the one to replace them each time. He just never understood why, until he was speaking with her now.

“Alexander doesn’t receive the same venom in the lessons.” It wasn’t a question, but Y/N began shaking her head quickly.

“No. He does not.” Her eyes hadn’t come back up to Elijah. She had now been looking down at her hands. “I know this prophecy like the back of my hand. I know I am supposed to help restore the balance with Alex. I am human until necessary. I do not expect to be treated as some savior that has the world at their feet.” She finally brought her attention back up to Elijah. She could see something different within his eyes that she didn’t believe she had seen before. She just couldn’t place what it was. “But I’d prefer not to be treated as if I am filth for being the one to become a vampire in this deal.”

“You haven't mentioned this to your parents?” Elijah found himself walking around the desk, attempting to give some comfort. Though he made no move to actually do so.

“Not since the first time.” She shook her head. “They feel as though I am crying wolf when Alex doesn’t have the same thing happening to him.

Elijah nodded. “Tomorrow, you’ll have a new tutor. Alexander will continue on with the one he currently has.” When he saw her open her mouth to protest, he held up his hand. “A vampire one to ensure the cycle doesn’t continue.”

“My parents-”

“Will be made aware of who they will be inviting into their home.” He gave a single nod of his head. “We will try it this way. If there isn't improvement, we’ll change it back to the way it was.” Elijah watched as she nodded her head. “That will be all.”

Y/N nodded her head before she turned around to leave. She had barely taken a step before turning back around. “Elijah, there is something you should know about, that my parents do not know yet. Only because I wouldn't put it past them to tell you.”

“What would that be?” He asked.

“I’ve- we’ve been having visions of things.” She watched the way his eyes widened slightly. “Things from the past and possibly future things from the look of it. But it wakes us up like a nightmare. Alex denies that it’s happening, but I can hear him pacing at night just after I have mine.”

“What was the last thing you saw?” He asked curiously.

“Chaos.” She shrugged slightly. “Witches being murdered. A woman with blonde hair tried to reach out, but couldn’t. It was like she was trying to tell me something and I couldn’t figure it out.”

“How often do these happen?” He knew this was something to do with who the twins were, what they were meant for.

“It randomly happens. Once or twice a month. But the first one happened the night of our birthday. “

Elijah moved back towards the desk and opened one of the bottom drawers before coming back around. He came to a stop directly in front of her and handed her an empty journal. “Write them down, please. Any detail you recall once you wake. Even if it frightens you to think, write it down. The next time either I drop by or your parents come to see me, bring it. That way we can try to piece together what you are seeing.”

Taking the journal, she held it close to her and nodded her head. “It's getting close, isn't it?”

Elijah sighed softly. “That I don’t know. But it seems like it may be the beginning of it.”

Her eyes fell to the journal in her hands. “There's one vision that I think you should know about now.” She couldn't bring her eyes back up. Not with what she was about to tell him. And the thoughts of the vision actually caused her eyes to well up.

Elijah hadn't missed the way her voice almost dropped to a whisper. Nor did he miss the way she was purposely keeping her attention from him. And for the first time since he met Y/N, he saw the fear that was seeping into her.

He gently brought his fingers under chin and lifted it, bringing her attention towards him. He saw the tears instantly and if anything the silver flecks in her eyes were almost gone.

“What is it?” His voice had almost been the same level as hers, with a comforting touch.

“I was still human.” She began. A need to make it known that detail was clear in the vision. “I was sold to Purgatory.”

All WorksTag (The tag to be notified for everything I write): @mrs-maximoff-kenner @mizzzpink @friendelius @thatfanficstuff @mushroomelephant @23victoria @avengers-fixation @fayeatheart @my-soulmate-is-mycroft @wearehufflepuffs

Always and Forever Tags (All things TVDU): @hi-my-name-is-riley @helenasingers @hellotvshowtrash @dpaccione @elijahs-wife @akshi8278 @imgoingtofreakoutnow @kpopgirlbtssvt @ts1mp0ne @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @bluebear142077 @mysticfallsfics @nniklausmikaelson @fandom-princess-forevermore @morganaah @mxacegrey @freyathehuntress

Stag Tag: (All Things Elijah Mikaelson) @xxsovereignsarayaxx @astudyoftimeywimeystuff @marvel-at-stucky @silvermercy @cassiopeia-black-brenda @nalledimessi @starkleila @attractive-insomnia

The Originals Tag: (All Things The Originals) @dpaccione @thatweirdoleigh @charli123456789

#the originals #elijah mikaelson #elijah mikaelson x reader #reader insert #Elijah Mikaelson fics #Elijah Mikaelson fanfics #Elijah Mikaelson fic #What the future holds #Tvdu #Eventual Elijah Mikaelson x fem reader #Fem!reader #18+ mdni #Dark fic #Elijah Mikaelson

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cosmicjoke · 2 months

Text

Just adding this on, but this isn't an attempt on my part or an encouragement to harass these people, though I'm sure everyone reading this already knows that. Just a means of letting others know who's behind at least some of the harassment lately.

Alright, well, here comes the call-out post that I promised anon. Have fun with it, I guess. It's about to get long, folks. A group of @tsuki-no-ura followers, who's been obviously vague posting about me for months at this point, specifically targeting every topic I discuss on my blog by making counterarguments to it on their blog, even though I never directed any of my analysis posts or anything else at them, nor has anything I've ever written been in direct response to anything they've written, is certainly behind at least some of the harassment. And other than the times I've tried having conversations with tsuki in the past, when I used to follow them, and wanted to discuss their posts with them, which almost always went ignored, I haven't at all addressed them or made reference to them, either implied or specifically, in any of my analysis posts. I only made reference to them a few weeks back when I found out that they'd essentially said my defense of Levi's violence was tantamount to Nazism, which I wasn't going to let stand. That's the only time I've ever directly referenced them. And yet, every time I make an analysis post, a counterargument to it magically appears on their blog the same day or a few days later, something that was brought to my attention by a mutual of mine. I had no idea until a couple weeks ago that this was happening, because I stopped following them more than a year ago, and only just recently blocked them. But they're obviously stalking me. And, inevitably, every time they do this, a slew of anon hate messages get sent, both to me and various other blogs that I follow, or that follow me. This isn't a coincidence:

@clearavenuelover, @66honeybadgers, and I'm sure various other of their groupies, are the ones almost assuredly largely behind the anonymous attacks on Levi blogs over the last, several months. They start out with their passive-aggressive bullshit, and eventually, of course, it turns to outright hostility, because that's just who these people are. @clearavenuelover purposefully tagged me in one of tsuki's posts, and so obviously they're aware of their followers harassing other Levi fan blogs. This is the link to the post they tagged me and other Levi fan blogs in: https://www.tumblr.com/tsuki-no-ura/739123803956854784/okay-so-here-i-come-with-my-discourse-causing

And yet more evidence that these people all congregate in the same circles and circle-jerk each other over how they think they're "winning" some non-existent contest against me and other Levi fan blogs.

And look who liked this answer as soon as it was put up:

And here @66honeybadgers is again, name-dropping tsuki-no-ura while they continue to harass me:

And this is clearly the same douche-bag that asked me a few weeks back if I considered myself a "Levi expert", and has now, over the last two days, continued to harass me for daring to express my opinion about Levi on my own blog, dropping the "friendly" act and showing their outright hostility:

This is clear harassment from a very specific corner of the fandom, mainly, surprise, surprise, eruri shippers, or even just Erwin stans who want to make everything about him, and get angry at anyone who dares to express any different view from the ones they hold, to the point of actively seeking out and stalking our blogs, hate reading our posts, going into our inboxs and sending us anonymous hate messages, trying to cram their opinions down our throats and then getting upset when we don't listen or accept their views. And then they want to go around acting like they're all the victims. What a joke these people are. Anyway, I just thought I should make this post so that actual Levi fan blogs can know to avoid and block these assholes. I can't say if they're behind ALL of the harassment, but they're certainly behind some of it, and it's good to expose them because they're cowards, and once they've been exposed, they won't have the fucking balls to continue.

#call out post #harassment #anon hate #anon asks #you asked for it #so now you're gonna get it #have fun with your new-found fame #anon discourse #discourse #anon harassment #fandom discourse

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ro-is-struggling · 1 year

Text

Literally no one asked for this but lately I can't stop thinking about Bucky being shy around a girl he likes. The idea of such a tall, strong, imposing man turning into a nervous mess who can't even look you in the eye drives me crazy. It's the duality of the toughness of his exterior contrasting against the softness and tenderness of his interior that leaves me screaming, crying and throwing up. So I'm gonna write about it!

Rambling under the cut (wc: 2400 This was supposed to be a drabble… ooops).

Read part 2 here!

I imagine that after everything Bucky went through he has a bit of a hard time reconnecting with people. That cheerful, confident boy who had left for war over 70 years ago was long gone and he wasn't sure he could get him back. But he was still trying hard to get better, to regain at least a little of that spirit that had been taken from him. Steve, Sam and Natasha were a great help, as well as Shuri and all those who had assisted in his deprogramming in Wakanda. His new friends were a great support, the firm foundation on which he could begin to rebuild his life. They always pushed him to experience new things, to step out of his comfort zone.

That's how he met you.

It was an accident really. Sam had proposed the idea of going out to celebrate every time they completed a mission. He said it was because they deserved some fun after all that hard work, but Bucky knew it was all an excuse to force him to go out and have contact with people other than them. He tried to get out of it that time, excusing himself by saying he was too tired to go out, but his friends dragged him with them anyway. At the time he had hated them a little for it, but now he couldn't be more grateful.

The bar Sam wanted to go to was closed and by some chance of fate they ended up celebrating their recent victory at the bar where you worked. It wasn't the fanciest place in town, but it was cozy. It was dimly lit and although the music blared throughout the place, it wasn't unbearably loud. One could chat with friends over drinks without having to shout or feel sweaty people brushing against your body every couple of seconds. Bucky liked it, it was the first bar they went to where he really felt comfortable. And he liked it even more when his eyes met your figure behind the counter. There was something about you that called to him. He couldn't explain it in words, but for some reason he was unable to take his eyes off you.

He immediately captured your attention as well. A man like him attracted everyone's attention every time he entered a room. He was tall, strong and imposing. His long dark brown hair covered part of his face, hiding behind the locks a mysterious, calculating look. While his friends talked and laughed among themselves, he was silent most of the time, watching his surroundings carefully, studying the people around him. He looked dangerous, but for some reason you didn't feel intimidated when you felt his gaze on your figure. You were... intrigued. So you put aside what you were doing —which wasn't much really, it was a slow night— and approached his table to take his order.

You were hoping to hear his voice, to discover something more about him through that little interaction —to hear him joke with his friends, for him to give you a corny compliment like most of the men there, maybe catch his name in the middle of a conversation. You would have settled for anything that would have helped you unveil the mystery behind his eyes, any little comment that would have helped you reveal something of his personality so you could satiate your curious mind. But he never spoke to you. He didn't even look at you as his friend ordered a round of drinks for the group. He kept his head down, his eyes glued to his fingers fiddling with a piece of paper on the table. So that night you went home with that mystery man circling around in your head.

You thought you would never see him again, that his deep blue eyes would remain engraved in your memory, his mysterious and penetrating gaze haunting you in your dreams as your mind became obsessed with discovering more of him. And for a while that was the case. But then one day you saw him again, walking through the door of the bar with his imposing stride. You noticed he looked different, his hair was a little longer and a luscious beard adorned his face, adding to his scruffy and mysterious appearance. When your eyes met you felt your heart beat faster, electricity coursing through your body as you felt his intense gaze admiring your figure. But the moment was short-lived, the strange connection between you breaking when he looked away after a few seconds, turning to look for a table.

You were able to find out his name this time, though it wasn't because he told you, but because you'd heard his friends call him 'Bucky' a couple of times. He still didn't speak to you or look at you, at least when you approached his table. You could feel his intense gaze on you as you served other customers. He followed your every move, admiring the contour of your hips as you walked or the way your lips curved upward when your co-worker made you laugh. Sometimes you'd catch him staring at you, your eyes connecting for a few seconds before he'd look away. It was frustrating, but at the same time it left you wanting more. You longed for his arrival with each passing day, watching the door every night in hopes of seeing him come in.

Although it wasn't long before that strange cat and mouse game you seemed to be playing started to annoy you.

Bucky and his friends became regulars, showing up at the bar once or twice a month. And over time you became friends with the whole group except for one, the only one you were really interested in getting to know. Your relationship improved a bit, at least now he talked to you from time to time, but it was nothing compared to the friendships you had formed with Steve, Nat and Sam. You knew Bucky a little better, but that was less because of your relationship and more because you had the opportunity to observe him interacting with his friends. He seemed to become more open with each new visit to the bar, chatting and laughing more freely with his friends than he had the first few times. You also noticed that he no longer seemed to be so aware of his surroundings, allowing himself to relax and get lost in the moment with his friends.

It was nice to see him getting better, letting loose a little more each day. But for some reason that didn't affect the way he behaved with you. You still felt his gaze on you at every minute, but when you approached his table he barely spoke to you. Sam, Steve and Nat always joked with you and asked you about your day, but he barely laughed along and that was if you were lucky. You didn't understand why it was so hard to get through to him, you treated him with the same attention and kindness as the rest of his friends and yet he could barely look at you. It was frustrating and honestly it was starting to piss you off. Who did he think he was to ignore you like that? Did he think he was better than you somehow? Was he too good to talk to someone like you?

One day you got tired of the doubts, of wondering if you had done something wrong or if Bucky was just a self-absorbed asshole, so you expressed your concerns to Steve. "What's the deal with your friend?" you asked him as you poured the drinks he had gone to the bar to order. "Why does he always look down when I'm around? I mean, he barely speaks to me. Did I do something wrong?"

"No, no, no," Steve was quick to say, resting his hand on yours in a comforting gesture. "He's just... a bit difficult sometimes."

"Difficult as in an arrogant asshole who thinks he's better than everyone or-?" you started to say, but Steve interrupted you before you could finish.

"No, he's a great guy. He's just been through a lot."

"Oh," you mumbled, not knowing what else to say. "Is that why he never talks to me?"

"Yeah, just give him some more time, I'm sure he'll come around."

Steve returned to his table with the drinks, leaving you alone behind the bar, processing his words. Neither of you noticed that Bucky was only a couple of feet away from you as you spoke. Maybe if he was a normal person he wouldn't have been able to hear your conversation, after all he was a bit far away and the music coming out of the speakers was a bit louder than usual. But he was not a normal person and that was his problem.

His enhanced sense of listening because of the serum running through his veins allowed him to hear your conversation with Steve and I'd be lying if I said that listening to you say those things didn't make his heart clench in his chest. He supposed you were right, he hadn't been very nice to you all this time, but that wasn't because he didn't like you. On the contrary, he liked you too much and that scared him. He couldn't explain very well what he felt, but if there was one thing he was sure of, it was that he felt things for you, things he hadn't felt in a long time. It was a strange attraction that called him to you, a force that made it impossible for his eyes to leave you.

He looked forward to the end of missions like no one else, not because he disliked working, but because it meant he could see you. You were his motivation. He longed more than anything to walk through the big doors of the bar and see your smile, he missed it every night he didn't see you. But for some reason he couldn't do anything but duck his head every time you came near him. He didn't understand what was wrong with him and honestly it was driving him a little crazy.

“You like her, Buck,” Steve told him after listening to him explain his situation. His friend had approached him the next morning to talk about you and your concerns. Steve knew there was something between you, a special spark, and he didn't want Bucky to miss his chance because he was afraid to act on what he felt. "You should let her know before it's too late. She kinda thinks you're an asshole."

Bucky knew his friend was right, but how could he? He had nothing to offer you. He was a broken man with a past as dark as the blood stains that covered his hands. He wasn't ready to be in a relationship. Sometimes he thought he never would be. The guy capable of loving and being loved had died the day he was captured in the war so many years ago, he just hadn't realized it yet.

"You have to stop blaming yourself for it," Steve said as he read the doubt in his friend's eyes. "You have to move on. You deserve to have a life, the life that was taken away from you, and I think this is how you can get it back," he added, sliding him a piece of paper with a number and your name scribbled on it in black ink.

Bucky stared at the piece of paper for quite a while, debating whether or not to follow Steve's advice. The more logical part of him, the part that had been to countless therapy sessions, told him that his friend was right. He had been controlled and manipulated by Hydra to do those horrible things. They were the ones who had turned him into a weapon, a killer. He had been trapped in his mind for over 70 years and now that he was finally free it was his turn to decide the course of his life. And he knew Steve —and his therapist— was right, he deserved a fresh start, he deserved to get his life back on track and find happiness.

But guilt... oh guilt paralyzed him. He had spent all this time training his mind to control that voice inside him, but sometimes it still resurfaced. And every time it did it reminded him what a piece of shit he was. He didn't deserve a happy ending, the people he had hurt did and he had taken that away from them. It was an insult to their memory to go on with his life as if his hands weren't covered in blood. And it was naive of him to think that anyone could ever love a murderer like him.

It was a constant struggle in his mind, the two sides of him fighting to win. He liked to believe that most of the time positivity came out on top, but he wasn't so sure about that. He'd had some pretty dark days lately.

Looking at the piece of paper one more time, Bucky decided that he had let fear and guilt paralyze him long enough. Part of getting better and making amends involved facing his fears, overcoming his insecurities and starting over. So he pulled his phone out of his pocket and saved your number, typing a quick message to send before he could get cold feet.

You were enjoying your day off when your phone vibrated on the coffee table. You stretched your arm from the couch to grab it without having to get up, not even bothering to pause the movie you were watching to check the notification. You were sure it was nothing important, but you were pleasantly surprised when you read the message from the unknown number, smiling at the screen like a schoolgirl.

I wanted to tell you that I’m not arrogant, I’m shy. But if you want we can go for a cup of coffee sometime.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes drabble #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x fem reader #bucky barnes #marver imagines

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sirfrogsworth · 6 months

Note

Hi Froggy,

I hope you've been well! I wanted to reach out and first say that you inspired me many years ago to rescue a corgi! She was a grump, I think she may have taken her name (Elphaba) too literally. She recently crossed the rainbow bridge, but she was such fun and a joy. I hope our pups are playing together, somewhere peaceful.

I have a question unrelated to stumpy Corgis. I'm a veteran birth doula and an aspiring birth photographer! I've been trying to research cameras, lenses, and all sorts of technical stuff. I'm leaving towards purchasing the new Nikon ZF, because of the purported low-light capabilities.

Lenses are throwing me completely.

Do you have any guidance or resources to help a newbie like myself? Not really looking for an in-depth answer (I know how complicated things can get), but maybe a general push in the right direction?

If you don't want or can't answer, no hard feelings! I enjoy just seeing your posts on my dash and I hope the rest of your year is amazing and calm!-Steph

(continued...)

My budget is pretty flexible, since I am an independent contractor the expense would be tallied towards my taxes. But that being said, maybe $1-3k? I know it's important to invest more into lenses!

Usually, I am in a hospital, and lighting is extremely variable. I would be shooting mostly in low-light before baby is born. During delivery and after there is usually a spotlight or fluorescent lighting. The low lighting is exactly why I was looking at the new ZF, but if you have suggestions on that too I'm happy to hear them!

It's very cramped when the baby is born, most medical and support staff are clustered around the laboring person.

Warning! A lot of birth photos will have baby crowning or blood. It's a messy business, so I don't want to trigger you if you're sensitive to those sorts of images.

I will not be able to be directly next to the laboring parent, more than likely I'll be a few feet away, possibly behind the parents or standing on a stool.

After the baby is born, I'll be able to get closer to both parents and baby!

Here's a portfolio that is close to what I would like to provide (once again TW for blood and crowning):

https://www.sarahginderphotography.com/birth-photography-north-new-jersey

I cannot thank you enough for any help or advice, this whole endeavor is like learning a new language!

----------------------------

Note from Future Froggie...

I went way overboard on this response, as usual. I have decided I'm going to break it up into 3 parts.

First, an encyclopedia of lens terminology.

Second, a camera and lens buying guide.

Third, practical advice for shooting in cramped rooms with tricky lighting conditions.

While this will be geared towards the original ask, I think this could be helpful to a lot of people. So, let's learn about lenses!

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Lenses throw everybody, just because there are so many options. It can be overwhelming to look at a picture like this and wonder what will suit you best.

It's a lot of pressure too, because lenses are more important than the camera in a lot of ways. Interchangeable lenses are probably the biggest advantage big cameras have over smartphones these days.

But I think I can help get you up to speed.

The following terms are photospeak you might hear in camera and lens reviews and if you aren't familiar with them, it can make it difficult to figure out what camera and lens to purchase.

I tried to put these in an order that makes sense, but some terms relate to other terms and you may have to read the list twice to make sure you understand how everything mushes together.

Froggie's Encyclopedia of Lens Terms

Lens Mount

Every camera has a specific lens mount. Sony calls theirs the E Mount. Nikon has the F Mount (older) and the Z Mount (mirrorless). So you need to make sure the lens you are looking at is compatible with the mount on your camera.

Mirrorless cameras all upgraded to a mount with a "short flange distance." Going without a mirror allows the lenses to be closer to the sensor.

Long story short... Short flange distance = easier lens design = sharper/lighter lenses.

However, if you want to use older DSLR lenses, there are adapters for Nikon and Canon that allow you to do that.

Aperture

"Aperture" is an opening at the front of the lens. It gets bigger to let in more light or smaller to restrict light.

Wider apertures have a shallower depth of field, causing blurry foregrounds and backgrounds outside the plane of focus. Smaller apertures expand the focus area to keep more stuff from being blurry, but they let in much less light and are difficult to use in dark environments.

Aperture can be a creative decision or it can be a technical decision or it can be a mix of both. If you need a blurry background, use a wider aperture. If you need everything in focus, use a smaller aperture. If you need more light in a dark scene, open it up.

F-stop

"F-stop" is a number representing how big the aperture is. A lower number is a bigger hole. Higher number is a smaller hole. It is helpful to memorize f-stops as they are not easily divisible. Cameras generally allow third stops, half stops, and full stops.

These are all a "full stop" apart.

Stop Down/Open Up

When someone says to "stop down" a lens, they are telling you to make the aperture smaller or use a higher f-stop number.

If they say to "open up" they are saying to make the hole bigger or lower the f-stop number.

Depth of Field (DoF)

Depth of field refers to how much of the photo is in focus. Things in front of the plane of focus will get blurrier and blurrier and things behind the plane of focus will get blurrier and blurrier. A shallow depth of field means only a tiny sliver of your image will be in focus. A deep depth of field means almost everything will be in focus.

The wider the aperture, the shallower the depth of field.

The smaller the aperture, the deeper the depth of field.

Focal Plane or Plane of Focus

The focal plane is the sharpest point within the depth of field. You can imagine an imaginary section of 3D space where things within the depth of field are sharp and things outside are blurry. The farther away from the focal plane, the blurrier they will get. But the focal plane is not always dead center of the depth of field.

Typically, at close distances, things will be sharp half in front of where you focused and half behind where you focused. As things get farther away, that changes to more 1/3 in front and 2/3 behind. The ratio changes even more at greater distances, but the 50-50 and 1/3-2/3 ratios are typically what photographers try to remember.

Shallow Depth of Field

The focal plane is something you need to be very aware of at close distances with a wide aperture—as the depth of field can end up as a tiny sliver.

Let's say you are only a few feet away from a baby and you have the aperture set at f/1.2. You focus on the nearest baby eye, and then you notice its ears and nose are out of focus.

The plane of focus and shallow depth of field are causing this issue. This might be a worthy compromise if you are in a dark room and your ISO is very high and you are worried about too much noise.

However, if you can use a flash or some kind of lighting, you can stop down your lens and increase that depth of field around the focal plane.

Bokeh

Bokeh is the quality of the blurriness. Some people are more obsessed with how good the blurry parts of the photo are more so than the in focus parts. Bokeh is typically judged by "bokeh balls" which are just out-of-focus lights in the background. While I like attractive bokeh balls as much as the next photographer, I will admit this is one of the sillier aspects of photography.

Field of View (FoV)/Angle of View

This is how much stuff you can fit in frame at a given distance. Wide angle lenses can fit more stuff in at a shorter distance and telephoto lenses can fill the frame with stuff that is farther away. The focal length of the lens determines the field of view. The focal length is designated by millimeters and the field of view by degrees.

Focal Length

Technically, this is "the distance between the lens's optical center and the camera's sensor."

In simpler terms, this is how you determine the field of view of a given lens.

A short focal length, like 10mm, will have a wider field of view. You have to be very close to your subject to fill the frame with them.

And a longer focal length, like 500mm, will allow you to fill the frame with your subject from farther distances.

Typically all lenses are designated by their focal length. If someone says, "Hand me the 50" they mean a 50mm lens.

35mm Equivalent

Not every camera has the same sized sensor. So when we talk about lenses, we need a reference to help us understand how a given lens will behave. A 50mm f/2.8 lens does not have the same field of view or depth of field when placed on different sensors. So, we need a standard for comparison.

The standard that is used is the "full frame" sensor which is roughly the same size as a 35mm piece of film.

Anything smaller is considered a "cropped sensor."

Those cropped sensor cameras have a "crop factor"—a simple multiplier that helps you understand how lenses compare. And when you use this multiplier it tells you the "35mm equivalent."

Confused yet? Yeah, sorry, it would be easier if camera manufacturers chose metrics that didn't change depending on the sensor, but this allows them to make their cameras and lenses seem more impressive in the marketing.

There are two main cropped sensors for ILCs. (Interchangeable lens cameras.) APS-C and Micro Four Thirds. They have a "crop factor" of 1.5x and 2x respectively. The Micro 4/3 sensor is half the size of Full Frame, therefore it has a 2x crop factor. And when you apply this crop factor to the aperture and focal length you can determine how a lens will behave.

For example, a 50mm f/2.8 lens on a micro 4/3 sensor would behave the same as a 100mm f/5.6 lens on a full frame—as 100mm is 2x 50mm and f/5.6 is 2 stops above f/2.8.

As you can see, the Micro 4/3 lens is not going to do as well in low light. The iPhone boasts an aperture of f/1.8 on its main lens, but when you figure out the 35mm equivalent, it's more like an f/8 lens.

I went to all the effort to explain this because it demonstrates that larger sensors allow you to work in cramped spaces with less light. If you want to use a 50mm in a hospital room, you probably can on a full frame. But on a Micro 4/3 you might need to be out in the hall because your lens is acting like it is 100mm. So the Zf would be a good choice in this regard.

Camera Shake

This is the bad kind of blurry. Humans are not tripods, so when you are handholding a lens, you need to make sure your shutter speed is fast enough to freeze the action of your image. Camera shake is very easy to control on wide angle lenses and very difficult to manage with telephoto lenses.

Reciprocal Rule

The reciprocal rule states that in order to get sharp photos without blurry camera shake, you must set your shutter speed to 1 over twice the focal length of your lens. So if you have a 100mm lens, you need to set your shutter speed at 1/200 to be safe.

This rule breaks down at a shutter speed of 1/50 if there is anything moving in your image. So if a dog is running or a car is driving by, it will have a motion trail, but at least it won't be due to your shaky hands.

Image Stabilization

This is a feature some lenses have that helps reduce camera shake. Image stabilization can counteract shaky hands and let you get sharp photos with a much slower shutter speed. Newer cameras have sensor stabilization which does the same thing. And if you pair up a stabilized sensor with a stabilized lens, it is almost as effective as using a tripod.

Stabilization is measured in stops. You might hear a lens has 4 stops of stabilization. That means you can handhold the lens and not get camera shake with a shutter speed 4 stops below the reciprocal rule. So for that 100mm lens, that 1/200 becomes roughly 1/12. And if your sensor has 4 stops, you could handhold a shot for nearly a second without any shake.

However, at shutter speeds that slow, if anything in the frame is moving, they will probably have motion blur. But for still life scenes, or maybe a sleeping baby, this can be very handy if you don't have a tripod with you.

If being able to handhold at lower shutter speeds seems important, then you might want to seek out a lens with stabilization and pair it to a camera with sensor stabilization for maximum stable-osity.

Lens Compression

Lens compression is kind of a myth, but I think we still call it compression because it is easier to explain to beginners than optical physics. The lens doesn't really compress anything, it's actually a matter of distance and the aforementioned physics. But I'm going to go with the easy explanation for now.

Lens compression is a phenomenon seen with different focal lengths. If you take a photo with a 500mm lens, the background will seem to compress with the foreground. Thus objects in the background will seem much larger in size.

This also happens with faces.

Wider lenses exaggerate distance. At 10mm, the lens would only be a few inches away from someone's face.

From the lens's point of view, the ears are several times farther away from the lens than the tip of the nose. So the lens is like, "Your ears are really far away! And far away things are really small, right?" So the lens gives us a big nose and small ears and makes us look a bit alien.

But at 100mm, the lens will be several yards away.

From this perspective, the lens feels like your ears and your nose are nearly the same distance away. And the lens is now like, "Things that are the same distance away do not get bigger or smaller." The lens seems to compress or flatten the face, causing a more flattering appearance in the image.

Minimum focus distance

This is sometimes called the working distance. This is how close you can get to your subject while maintaining focus. If you get too close, your camera will just hunt and freak out perpetually until you back up and it can lock on again. This isn't always advertised prominently for lenses, so you need to make sure the lens will be able to focus in the space you plan to use it.

Extension Tubes

Sometimes called "macro extension tubes." These are spacers you put between your camera and lens to decrease the minimum focus distance. In some cases you can even turn a normal lens into a macro lens. These tubes are able to stack and the more you put on, the more into the macro realm you can go. They come in smart and dumb versions. The dumb ones require you to manual focus whereas the smart ones can still use the autofocus system. I highly recommend the smart ones, as they are not too much more expensive.

Lens Imperfections

There are a few imperfections that can plague all lenses and their quality is sometimes judged by how well they mitigate those imperfections. Here are some of those attributes.

Lens Distortion

As lenses get wider, they allow a larger field of view by accepting light rays that are coming from the side of your lens. Let's look at this image again.

Your lens then has to correct those rays and send them to a square, flat sensor. If you look at the 180 degree fisheye, that entire arc has to be flattened and made square. And as good as optical engineering has become, the wider the lens, the harder it is to keep the image from distorting.

This is typically called "barrel distortion." Minor distortion can actually be corrected in editing software. Every lens has correction algorithms. Though sometimes it is best to embrace the distortion, like on a fisheye lens. Make the distortion a feature and not a bug.

Chromatic Aberration

This is the fancy name for color fringing. This is a defect in the lens that cause false colors to contaminate certain objects in a photo. Typically this happens around dark skinny things against a bright background, such as tree branches.

Modern lenses have nearly eliminated this, except for the super cheap models, but if you do end up with fringing, this can be easily corrected in Lightroom or Photoshop. And many lenses even have that correction built in and all you have to do is check a box.

Sharpness

You might not think of sharpness as an optical flaw, but no lens is perfectly sharp. And the quest to make a perfectly sharp lens involves engineering those optical flaws to a minimum.

A "sharp lens" is one with incredible fidelity. Even zoomed in beyond 100%, sharp lenses will show great detail. If you can't get close to the subject and need to crop your photo later, having a sharp lens can make up for the loss in resolution—as you can upscale without much loss in quality. If you plan to make large high quality prints, a sharp lens will help more than tons of megapixels.

That said, if you truly want to get the most out of a high megapixel camera, a sharp lens comes in handy here too. A smartphone may boast in the marketing as having 200 megapixels, but it has a tiny plastic lens. So even though it technically has 200 megapixels on the sensor, the lens will give it the equivalent of maybe 8-10 megapixels worth of detail. People forget, the lens has a resolution as well, and if the lens cannot resolve 200 megapixels, you aren't going to get a 200 megapixel image.

A sharp lens will allow for more detail than higher megapixels. In some cases you need to double or triple the number of pixels to see an increase in detail. Whereas you can put a super sharp lens on a 12 megapixel camera and blow any smartphone out of the water.

And if you put a sharp lens on a 50 megapixel camera, you can almost see into skin pores.

So... sharp = more detail. And more detail gives you greater cropping power for when you can't get close to babies.

Now, I am obligated to say that some photo nerds chase sharpness as if it is some holy grail. They need the sharpest lens so all of their pixels are perfect at 100% zoom even though no one ever looks at an image that close. There are amazing photos that have been blurry. There are amazing photos taken with 50 year old vintage glass. Sharpness is just another tool. If you need to crop. If you need to upscale. If you need to print large... it is a great help. But nearly every lens made for a modern mirrorless camera is "sharp" to some degree.

So, if you need extra sharpness for certain situations, do your research and find a lens that is sharp as can be. But sharpness should be like 8th on the list of priorities.

Soft Lens

A "soft" lens is how a non-sharp lens is referred to. Most modern optics for mirrorless cameras have some degree of sharposity.

Sharpitude.

Sharp...ness.

So you don't need to worry too much about getting a detrimentally soft lens unless you go super duper budget. This is why I usually recommend people skip the "kit lens" unless they absolutely can't afford anything better.

Though sometimes people purposely get vintage lenses because they don't like sharpness and prefer the "character" of older lenses. The imperfections can achieve a different artistic goal. Though this can also be achieved through lens filters... or Vaseline.

I'm looking at you, Barbara Walters.

Sharpness at the Corners

When I read that in my head just now I said it the same way I do "Panic! at the Disco."

Engineers will prioritize sharpness at the center of the lens since that is where most of the interesting stuff tends to be. But also, the light rays at the center tend to be the most parallel as they head to the sensor, so they don't need as much correction. The rays coming from the sides have to be bent and manipulated to correct for distortion, so keeping things sharp at the corners can be a challenge.

Now, knowing that, and knowing how the aperture works, you can infer that when you stop down your lens and make the hole smaller, all of the light rays are constricted to a smaller area. This makes them easier for your lens to deal with, so if a lens has problems with corner sharpness, you can usually stop down to improve this. So if a lens is soft at the corners at f/1.8, you might be able to go to f/2 or f/4 to get better results.

Vignetting

Vignetting is a circular area of darkness at the perimeter of your photo. This is another side effect caused by the same things as soft corners. When correcting those non-parallel light rays, it causes them to travel an ever so slightly farther distance getting to your sensor. And the inverse square law tells us that light becomes dimmer as it travels longer distances.

This is very easy to correct. Usually your camera has a setting to correct vignetting if you are outputting JPEG files. And if you are shooting RAW photos, your editing software should have a check box to fix the vignetting—usually the same one that fixes chromatic aberration. This is usually called "lens correction" in most menus.

Also, same as with corner sharpness, stopping down your lens will usually fix this optically rather than with software algorithms.

Contrast

Contrast is probably the most important attribute to determine lens quality. Good contrast can make a soft lens look good. But lens contrast is not always consistent. It can get better or worse depending on the lighting in your scene.

The best way to test the contrast of a lens is to take a picture of something that is backlit. A person with the sun behind them is a great indicator. If they have no light on them, the person should fall into inky darkness. But if a lens has poor contrast, they will seem like a faded gray.

Focus Breathing

Focus breathing is a phenomenon where your focal length changes depending on how far away your subject is. It's usually not a big deal and most people don't even notice it, but if you ever do video, it can cause a few headaches. Some people can get annoyed because they feel they aren't getting the advertised focal length on the lens they bought. Like, if you get a 300mm lens and it only goes to 250mm for things super far away, that can be annoying.

This video explains it in detail.

youtube

Lens Types

Prime Lens

A "prime lens" has a fixed focal length and cannot be zoomed. Typically prime lenses are "faster" (wider max aperture) and sharper. Weirdly they can be very inexpensive or the most expensive. They can be extremely lightweight or weigh a ton. And if you want the sharpest lens possible or the fastest lens possible or both, it will be expensive and heavy.

Having at least one fast prime is usually recommended for any professional photographer.

Zoom Lens

A "zoom lens" allows you to zoom. Obviously. But there are few that go below an aperture of f/2.8, so less light gathering and you sacrifice a bit of sharpness. However, if you don't know how much space you will have to work with, the flexibility of a zoom can be invaluable.

Be warned, while a cheap prime lens can still take fairly good photos, cheap zooms are usually pretty terrible. There are plenty of reasonably priced zoom lenses to choose from, but if the price seems too good to be true, I would trust that intinct.

Wide Angle Lens

A "wide angle lens" is any focal length below 35mm. Wider focal lengths allow you to get more stuff in the photo at shorter distances. A theme you might notice with photography is that every benefit has a compromise or consequence to go with it. Wide angle lenses are wonderful if you are in a cramped space. They also make it easy to keep everything in focus. But as you go wider, distances become exaggerated and barrel distortion becomes more pronounced and harder to correct.

Things that are close to the lens seem huge and things farther away seem tiny. One trick to remember is things in the center of the frame will be less affected by distortion. Something to take into account when taking those smartphone selfies.

If you look, the ball looks huge in frame because it was only a few inches from the lens. Otis was literally smaller in frame than the ball despite only being about 2 feet away. However, he doesn't look all stretchy like the ball because he is centered.

Standard Lens

A "standard" or "normal lens" represents about the same field of view as the human eye. Generally around 40mm to 55mm on a full frame camera (there is some debate on this, but close enough). This is right about where you can take pictures of faces without the unflattering side effects of wide angle.

Telephoto Lens

A "telephoto lens" allows you to stand farther away and still fill the frame with your subject. Usually lenses 200mm and above are considered telephoto. These are often heavy and expensive.

Specialty Lenses

Ultrawide

This is just an extremely wide angle lens. At this point, you just except the massive amounts of distortion and embrace it. These lenses are extremely fun.

Medium Telephoto

These are sometimes called "portrait" lenses as well. They are a little more tele than standard and not quite tele enough for long distance photography. Usually in the 70-200mm range. This is the focal range that allows you to still be close to your subject but you are far enough away to get extra flattering lens compression on faces.

Superzoom Lens

A "superzoom" has an extremely large focal range. It can go from very wide to very telephoto. These are usually not wonderful lenses, although they have improved on mirrorless cameras in recent years. There are a few that could even be used professionally now. But most are just a huge mediocre compromise for vacation pix.

The cheap ones aren't fast, they aren't sharp, and every time you zoom people think your camera is having an erection.

If you are traveling and you have no idea what you might be photographing and carrying around a bunch of lenses is impractical, these have utility. But the larger the focal range, the more mediocre they get. Typically if the zoom range exceeds ~150mm you will start noticing that mediocrity. So a 70-200mm can be fantastic. But an 18-300mm will be very mid.

Macro

A macro lens is any lens that has 1x or more magnification. 1x magnification is a designation that relates the sensor size to how much of the subject fills the frame of your image. For 1x, that ratio should be 1:1.

So if you imagine a quarter lying on top of an image sensor, that's how big the quarter should be in your photo. 2x magnification would be like if a quarter doubled in size and you laid it on top of the image sensor. And so on.

Beware of lenses claiming to be macro and really only having a short working distance. 0.5x is not macro, but is sometimes advertised as so.

Tilt Shift Lens

This is a very niche lens. Most people know of it from the photos that make everyone look like they are in a miniature land.

For every other lens, the focal plane is perpendicular. If you move the camera at an angle, the focal plane will match that movement. So what the tilt shift lens allows you to do is angle the focal plane so your depth of field goes in bonkers directions.

Product photographers love this because you can take a photo of an array of products from a 45 degree angle and keep everything in focus.

This image would be impossible to maintain complete focus of all the objects without a tilt shift lens.

In this example, without tilting the lens, the tip of the multitool is out of focus.

And now you can see the camera hasn't moved, but the lens is at a steeper angle. And you'll also notice the entire tool is in focus.

But wait, there's more! Did you forget about the shifting? Architectual photographers can use the shift function of the lens to correct perspective distortion and keep buildings looking straight.

Will this lens help in the photographing of infants?

Probably not.

But I bet you thought it was cool and are glad I included it.

Recommended Essential Lenses

I didn't know what to call this section. These are just the collection of lenses most photographers will try to acquire as they build out their kit.

Nifty Fifty

This is probably the first lens everyone should buy. Almost every brand has their own version. It is an inexpensive 50mm lens with a sub f/2 aperture. Canon's Nifty Fifty or "Plastic Fantastic" is probably the most famous example. It is only $125 and has an f/1.8 aperture.

This lens may not be the sharpest and it might have a lot of plastic-y, cheap feeling parts, but it is a wonderful way to get started with photography. You can use the wide aperture to experiment with bokeh and shallow depth of field. And the 50mm focal length is probably one of the most versatile. Not too wide, so people look normal, and not too tele, so you aren't a mile away from your subjects.

The Holy Trinity

The "Holy Trinity" is meant to describe the 3 lenses that can handle nearly every photographic task while maintaining professional quality results. Typically these lenses are all f/2.8 and are high quality zoom lenses. The 16-35mm, the 24-70mm, and the 70-200mm.

Most photographers can accomplish just about any task with these lenses in their bag.

Froggie's Holy Hexagon

That said, if I had an unlimited budget I would actually have 6 lenses to cover everything. Beyond the Holy Trinity, I would get a fast prime, an ultrawide, and a macro lens.

A fast prime can see in the dark and has more background blur. The nifty fifty would work great for this.

An ultrawide is one of the most fun lenses you will ever use, even if it distorts everything to a crazy degree and isn't useful very often. It is great for breaking you out of photographic ruts and can really get the creative juices flowing.

And a macro lens is not just useful for making tiny things big. It also allows you to focus at any distance. Sometimes you just need to get a tad bit closer than your other lenses will allow. Macro lenses are also pretty great portrait lenses and can serve multiple functions.

And if anyone is interested in sports or wildlife photos, a nice telephoto lens might be a seventh lens to consider.

I think that is the end of part 1.

I hope this was helpful. And I look forward to posting part 2 soon.

#photography #lenses

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finelinevogue · 1 year

Text

don’t break my heart this year

summary - you break up with Harry but you live to regret the decision

warnings: self-deprecation, breakup, anxiety, family death, depression, but also fluff and a happy ending, i am one with hurt-comfort fics :)

pairing: ex-boyfriend!harry x reader

word count: +7.2k

It hadn't even been a year since you'd broken up with Harry and yet it still haunted you.

There wasn't a day that went past where you thought about how your life could've been so different if you had of stayed. If you had talked everything through with Harry. If you had been that little bit stronger. If you had given Harry a chance to explain how he felt.

Your breakup with Harry wasn't like most. Neither of you had cheated. Neither of you had fallen out of love with one another. Neither of you had stolen off the other. You had simply moved back home, to take care of your widowed mother and had lost contact with him. Your mum lived up in the top hills of Scotland, meaning the signal was dire. If you wanted to call anyone, including Harry, you'd have to drive at least 50 miles before hitting service.

It wasn't fair to keep Harry waiting days on end, just to have a five minute phone conversation with you. It wasn't fair that Harry couldn't see you because you lived so far away. He deserved so much more than you could give him. He deserved someone he could come home to each day, after work, and shower him with endless love. So you did what you believed was the most mature thing, and broke up with him. You drove all the way down to London to explain it to him in person, feeling like he deserved that much from you. He didn't take it well and neither did you. You left before he could ever really tell you how he felt, not having the courage to stay.

Since that day, you hadn't spoken to him. You knew it would hurt too much if you did.

Your mum wasn't doing well. Two years ago your dad had passed, due to heart problems, and your mum had taken it very hard. She was not in a good place, mentally, and you knew she needed someone to look after her. Being an only child made times like these hard.

Life had been hard recently, and it didn't seem like it was getting any better.

All your time was being devoted to looking after your mum that you hardly had any time for anything else. You were trying your best to study at online university whilst holding down tough hours at the local restaurant. Your average day would be 9-5 at university, but dipping in and out to help aid your mum in anyway you could. Then from 6pm until, normally, 1am you would work in the local pub. It was quite the drive from your mums house, but the money was needed.

In recent weeks it had gotten tougher. The work load from university had started to ridiculously pile up, to the point where when you finished at the restaurant you'd have to stay up until 5am just to finish off some readings or essays.

Your mum was worsening too. She no longer liked going outside by herself, because she was worried the "big, bad, world" might snatch her up just like it had you dad. You promised her she was okay, but she'd lost a lost confidence in herself and the world she lived in. Having a conversation with her was harder too - almost like you were losing her mentally.

All you could think about was how Harry was doing. Was he okay? Was he dealing with the breakup well? Or did it not really bother him at all? He was constantly on your mind, invading your every thought and you wished to have a moment away from him sometimes. Only sometimes though, as he quite honestly was the only thing holding you together at the moment.

As much as it pained for you to admit it, you truly hoped he'd found someone else - someone better. You knew the possibility of ever seeing him again, let alone being with him again, was shattered the moment you walked away from London. You'd left your heart with heart with Harry that day and you would be dammed if you gave it to anyone else. It was his to keep - even if he was unaware of its presence.

Tonight was just like any other night. Until it wasn't.

The pub owner, Patrick, your boss, had put you on an even longer shift today. It was getting closer to Christmas and the locals tend to come to the pub more often, sometimes even bringing relatives and friends from around the country. So today you didn't finish until 2am, having started at 5:30pm. It was tiring after a full day at uni.

You'd finished serving Alan and his friends their third round of beer for the evening, before getting back to cleaning up. It was getting close to closing time and you were beyond ready to go home now. Your mum would hopefully be in bed, but if not that would add an extra hour on before you could go to sleep.

Alan and co. luckily ended their night after round three, thanking you for your impeccable service as they left noisily.

The other staff members, who worked alongside you, had left ten minutes ago or so, claiming they had to be up early in the morning and so had to head off. If only you had the courage to say the same. You'd love to get off a little earlier, but it just wasn't practical.

As you were stacking chairs the front door chimes went off, signalling that you had a new customer. It wouldn't be an employee or Patrick because they'd all use the back entrance.

"Oh, i'm sorry we're closing." You explained, not looking over your shoulder to see who'd entered. You were focused on wiping down tables to rid them of alcohol stains, and flipping the chairs over to balance them off the tables so you could wipe the floor.

You didn't hear the sound of the door opening and closing again. Instead, you heard his voice.

"All this way and you wont let me even have one drink?" He teased you, making you freeze in your motions.

You turned around cautiously, prepared for anything because it could just honestly be your mind playing tricks on you. Maybe you were losing the plot, not your mum. How wrong you were, though. So, so wrong.

There he was, all warm and loveable. Nothing had changed really. He had a little bit of stubble, clearly proud that he had finally grown some facial hair. His curly locks were piled underneath his infamous Green Bay Packers beanie, the one you'd bought him on your trip to New York. His cheeks were a little rosy from the cold winters eve, explaining why he was also layered in clothes.

"Hi Harry." You warmly smiled, feeling a small red burn creep onto your cheeks now. You were nervous stood in front of him again and you didn't know why. It was just Harry, after all .

"Hello." He replied the same way he always does upon meeting someone. You felt like you had to shake his hand or something to break the awkward barrier you'd built, but you didn't.

You were so caught up in the beauty of him that you completely forgot you were being rude.

"Oh, i'm sorry. Would you like that drink?" You offered, after clearing your throat and dusting down your clothes, even though the last thing you wanted to do was make another drink this evening.

"I was only messing, love." Oh how you'd missed him calling you that. The mere sound of it again sent butterflies straight to the depths of your stomach. He made you feel like life was on an eternal rollercoaster and it was one that you'd never want to disembark.

"Well, I-I can't serve any food past—"

"In not here for food either." He shook his head softly, maintaining the comfortable distance between you two. The last thing he wanted to do was make you feel uncomfortable.

"Oh. Um, then what service do you require? Are you lost, um, because we have a phone out back that—"

"I'm not lost. I'm exactly where I need to be." Harry cut you off again, a habit you'd always found annoying but now found endearing. It was like he knew your thought process better than you did. He knew what you were going to say before even you did.

"How did you even find this place?" You asked confused. You had trouble finding this place and you grew up here, so how Harry has found it was an incomplete puzzle.

"I have my ways." He smirked his signature cheeky smile, the one which you'd fallen in love with. The one you were still in love with. You laughed and shook your dead at his idiocy but also his gentle humour. You really needed it after the past few months you'd had. The past few months that you caused. The ones that broke the perfect man standing in front of you.

"Irene?" You questioned your mothers name, not being able to think of another way he'd know your location.

"Irene, yes." Harry laughed at how quick you were. "How is she?" Harry continued, wondering if she was any better from the last time you'd spoken to him about her.

"Not good." You nodded your head and tried your hardest to smile, although it felt very unconvincing sat on your face.

Harry nodded too and you knew it was his way of silently telling you that he was sorry and that he hoped everything would get better. You were having a hard time believing him though. "And you?" He asked, stuffing his hands in his coat pockets to warm them up. He didn't understand how you were only stood there in a tshirt and cardigan, on top. Your tights and skirt were nice and toasty warm, but you were chilly up top.

"Okay, yeah, um you?" You quickly brushed past his question, not wanting to delve deep in to your feelings with him right now. Harry could tell you weren't okay though, no matter how much you told him otherwise.

He noticed the tired eyes. He noticed the stressed brain. He noticed the ever-slimming figure. He noticed the messy hair. He noticed the irritated and scratched skin on the top of your wrists. He noticed the way your hands were slightly shaking and your teeth were barely chattering. He noticed it all even when you thought he didn't. You weren't okay. He knew that much and you knew it too.

"Been better." He truthfully admitted, making you feel worse than you did before. You couldn't do right for wrong and it was slowly exhausting you.

"Mhm." Was all you could reply with, not having anything else to say because he'd heard it all before when you'd gone to London. You stacked the last few chairs and a thick blanket of awkward silence filled the air. You didn't want it to be awkward, but then again you should've thought about that before breaking up with someone you could never stop loving.

"What are here for then, Harry?" You wondered, moving behind the bar to maintain a distance between you two. You decided you'd sweep the floor tomorrow, instead of tonight, just wanting to escape from this shithole now.

"For you." He firmly put it, not sugar coating anything but just providing the honest truth.

"Oh-uh," you cleared your throat again, not sure how to continue the conversation, "any particular reason?" You stupidly asked, as if you didn't know the reason he'd travelled hundreds of miles to see you.

"Well it wasn't to come and shout at you, you'll be happy to hear." He joked, but all you could do was breathe a huge sigh of relief. You don't know whether you could take the hate today, even if you did heavily deserve it.

"Yeah, that is good to hear!" You joked along with him, but knew that wasn't the tone of what he wanted to talk about either.

"Hey? How about we get out of this dark and saddening, beer smelling, pub and go somewhere a little more fresh?" Harry offered, telling that you were desperate to get out of here and literally go anywhere but here.

"You have somewhere in mind, Mr Spontaneous?" You teased him, knowing that he will be useless in finding a good spot out here. There were plenty of good hideout spots, you just have to know where to find the best ones. You'd proudly been to them all and you used them as a place to seek the calm amongst the eternal chaos.

"Actually, I do, Miss Know-It-All." He teased back, earning a stuck out tongue on your behalf to him. He was such a little prick sometimes. "Go get your stuff and let's go."

"Okay." You bit your lip in excited anticipation. This could be either the best night in your life's history, or the worst.

Running to the locker room gave you the opportunity to let out a breath that had been wildly built up inside you, without even realising. Harry was actually here, let alone in the pub but actually in Scotland. Harry had been in contact with you mum, just so he could travel across the country to talk. God knows about what - or maybe it'll be about who he's now with. You were just so incredibly happy that he was here. For so long you'd built up this idea that it would cause a war if you ever saw him again - that he'd get angry at you - but it was nothing like it. If anything, he was being overly gentle and cautious around you - like he was afraid that he'd say the wrong thing and you'd make a run for it again.

The crew room reeked of sweat and it didn't take long for you to start feeling sick because of it. You quickly grabbed your overcoat and your bag before heading back out to the main restaurant area. Harry was sat at the bar, aimlessly tossing a beer mat between his fingers. He didn't even notice your presence he was that caught up in his own thoughts.

"You ready?" You timidly asked, internally asking yourself the same question. The answer was an indefinite no.

"If you are." He nodded and warmly smiled at you, assuring you that this was okay and it was alright to feel nervous. Hell, he certainly was.

"Okay. Let's go." He let you guide him to the door, like the gentleman he is, stopping to let you turn all the lights and machinery power off. Once you were both out of the door and in to the bitter frost, you locked the door tight shut.

"It's fucking freezing up here." Harry complained, and you knew it wouldn't be the last time he made a remark like that today.

"Tell me something I don't know." You rolled your eyes at the weather, fed up of the depressing cold. Jamaica sounded lush round about now - with all the swaying palm trees, warm sandy beaches and cooling waves of the ocean. Here, it was just hills, snow, hills, rain, hills and hills.

Harry lead you to his truck. It was one you'd never seen before so most likely had hired for the duration of time he was going to be here for. You wondered where he was staying, since there were no five-star hotels out here - only Margaret and Tony's B&B. Harry would like it there though. It sat proud next to a quaint stream and you couldn't hear a car even if you tried - it was the perfect retreat for a critically acclaimed mega-rockstar.

He opened the door for you, lending you a hand to step up since it was a large step. The feeling of his skin touching yours was a sensation that you could write novels about. A feeling that you'd so dearly missed and craved more than ever now. It didn't take long for him to enter his side of the car and start the engine up. The first thing he did was turn up the heating, noticing how your hands had been ice-cold when they touched his and how you were silently shivering. He noticed.

"It'll heat up in no time, I promise. In the mean time, here you are." He handed you the coat he'd just been wearing and it was still lusciously warm inside. It smelt just like him. It smelt of home.

"Thank you." Not even turning down his kind gesture because you were that cold.

"Trust me, still?" Harry asked you, setting the car into the right gear before looking across to you. It was painful to hear him have to ask such a question. You pulled the coat tighter over you, using it as a blanket, trying to preserve as much heat over your body as possible.

"Always."

•••••

The drive was a very peaceful one.

No commentary was made between the two of you, only the soft, mellow, tunes of Sinatra danced around the confines of the car. You could sometimes hear the passing of a nearby car or steam train, but there were no voices. Comfortable silence is so overrated - at least you for you it was uncomfortable. It was because you were terrified of saying the wrong thing as to why you didn't say anything, but also you felt like you'd said everything the last time you saw him.

Your mind drifted to London, as you closed your eyes, on that rainy Thursday eve...

I didn't think i'd be this nervous for anything in my life, but here I was.

His house looked bigger than the last time i'd seen it. The ivy growing up the walls looked powerful, as if it could tear the whole wall off if it wanted to. The pink front door assured me that I was at the right house, but I silently wished that it was a different colour because then I wouldn't have to face what I knew was to come. It was all going to be my fault though. I would most likely leave with a broken heart and the guilty conscience that I broke his too.

But this had to happen. It wasn't fair to him anymore.

I got out of the taxi, thanking him for waiting just a few more minutes whilst I collected myself and went and did what I came to do. He was very sweet and let me ride for a discounted price, obviously sensing my abundance of nerves, saying he'd wait for me to take me back to the station after this. He didn't say anything else to me, but he didn't need to.

The walk to the door, underneath the porch out of the torrential rain, felt like miles and yet it was only a few steps. My mind rushed through every possible scenario this could end up as. I looked back at the taxi man and he was smiling with encouragement at me, as if he knew exactly what was happening here.

I knocked three times - each one with the same amount of power.

The anticipation was the worst part. I wanted to scream, but also cry already.

The door swung open after 27 seconds precisely, not that i'd been counting or anything. I was so ready to start my rehearsed piece with him, but I was so blinded by his beauty that all thoughts were forgotten. He couldn't have looked better. He was standing here in checkered pyjama bottoms and a navy-blue crewneck sweatshirt, with little brown loafer slippers for comfort, and he still managed to be the most handsome man on the planet. He was so perfect.

Unlike me, Harrys thoughts were clear and his mind was only focused on one thing. Me.

I'd never seen him move so fast in my life. He closed the distance between us instantly and sealed our lips together to knock down the final boundary. His hands cupped my cheeks so desperately I wobbled back slightly from the force. His lips had never tasted so good. So sweet. The sounds of the pattering rain were long forgotten and the overwhelming senses bursting off of Harry quickly infiltrated my system. The sweet taste. The freshly-showered smell. The angelic sight. The tingling touch. The blissful sound. My senses were overwhelmed by him and I couldn't help but cry into the kiss.

He didn't want to let go, that I was sure of. Each time I tried to move back and regain air he whimpered, pulling me back as soon as I had caught some oxygen. This was our longest, most passionate, most burning kiss. In fact it was our last, most passionate, most burning kiss - little did Harry know of that.

"Where've you been, baby?" Harry asked breathlessly, between a further two kisses to my now swollen, cherry, lips.

"A-away." I struggled get out my words due to Harrys continuous kisses.

"I was so worried. So, so worried." He shakes his head not wanting to think about it anymore. I pulled away from his grasp, stepping back to create a little distance between us. I couldn't say what I wanted to say if I was too close to him. "Where are you going love?" He chuckled out, but there was a heavy tone of vulnerability underneath his words.

"Harry y-you need to listen to me, okay?" I asked, but even he knew that he didn't have a choice. All he could was nod his head, too afraid to say anything. He had a disturbing feeling like this wasn't going to be a conversation about how much I loved and missed him - no matter how true that would be.

"I-I think you already know where this is going, so i'm not going to sugar coat anything." Harry was already shaking his head at me.

"Y/N/N.. Please, no.." Harry continued to shake his head, realising you two were on the same page now and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

"Harry, I - uh - shit. C'mon Y/N." I mumbled to yourself, trying to hold myself together. "I love you, Harry. I've never loved someone half as much as i've loved you, and I never will. You have my heart - all of it. I need you to know that first, because it's important to me that you understand that," I watched him nod his head, "Harry, baby, I can't be with you anymore. It's nothing you did I swear. You were and still will be the best boyfriend to ever exist, because you are the most amazing person to exist—"

"Then don't do this, angel. Please." Harry butt in, tears now flowing down his face and it made it painful for me to look at him.

"Harry stop. Okay? It's not fair on you anymore. I can't be the girlfriend you need. I can't be the one you depend on anymore because I can't be here. My mum she's.. Well it doesn't matter, but she needs me more than ever and I can't leave her. Not now,' I watch Harry sniffle and wipe his nose on his sleeve, "You deserve so much more than me. You deserve someone who will give you everything, not that you didn't have everything from me - it's just I couldn't give you all of me all the time—"

"I don't care." Harry kept repeating like a broken record. This is what i'd made him into. I stepped closer to him again, cupping his cheeks to help him focus on anything other than his dark thoughts.

"Hey. You'll be okay. You don't need me. I was just someone passing by in your life, alright?" I pressed my forehead hard against his, and he cupped my cheeks to mirror me. If I could touch him then he sure as hell was touching me. He would savour every last moment next to me, because it might just be his last.

"No, Y/N/N, you're not. You m-mean everything t-to me." Harry sobbed out.

"Okay, but now you have to let me go. For your own bright and wonderful future, Harry, you have to let me go." I instructed him.

"No, no, no." He repeated and all I could do to shut him up was give him a kiss. The final kiss. I poured as much emotion as I possibly could do into the kiss, relishing every last second I had with him. After today I would probably never see him again. I would go back and live in Scotland, where the media is non existent, and live my life without my favourite person by my side. I would go back to working in the dirty bar and slaving away to the demands of university, all the while Harry will find someone new - someone better - and start up his wonderful life with them.

He was going to do great things.

I was the one to detach my lips first this time, knowing that if I didn't stop there I would never. I gave him one final, full of love, peck before pulling away from his warm embrace.

"I'm going now." I whispered, not wanting to even hear myself say those dreaded words.

"No." Was all Harry could say back. We both had faces full of tears and hearts full of hurt, but for now I had to be strong for him.

"I love you." Were my last words, before running back to the taxi out of the storm.

The look on his face was one that I knew was going to haunt me for years. There was no escaping it. He was utterly and completely broken - and all because of me.

My impending thoughts got interrupted by a call of my name. It was a distant voice, one that I didn't understand where it was coming from. It was so loud and clear and it sounded just like Harry, only when I looked at him his lips weren't moving. I'd left him broken on his doorstop and he couldn't do anything to fix the situation at- Y/N/N!

Again the voice repeated my name. Maybe I was having a stroke?

I couldn't stop crying in the taxi. The man knew to take me to the station, no questions asked. I respected him for that. My mind spiralled down in to a pit of self destruction and loathing. Every possible cruel thing I could think of, I could relate to myself. I couldn't stop thinking about the fragile Harry i'd left on the doorstep and—

"Y/N/N!" Harrys voice was much clearer now and it was obvious that you hadn't been dreaming him calling your name. He was standing outside the passenger door and it was only then that you'd noticed that you were parked up somewhere. "You're okay, you're okay." He assured you.

"Wha- where are we?" You asked, slightly dazed from the god-awful memory that just replayed in your head. It was a nightmare that kept you up most nights - it was one of the reasons you hated sleeping. It baffled you how Harry even wanted to be near you right now after everything you'd put him through.

"Come on and i'll show you." Harry held out his hand to help you back out of the truck.

The clicking of your seatbelt signified to Harry that you were preparing to climb out of the car and follow him. It meant that you continued to trust him, and that was more than enough for Harry. You grabbed on to his hand and allowed him to hold on to you tightly, in case you fell.

"There you go. I've got you." Harry spoke quietly, like he was afraid someone nearby would hear him. There would be no one around for miles though. It looked like you were at some outlook, somewhere, but it hadn't hit you exactly where yet. You were slightly disorientated considering how dark it was and not being awake for the journey.

"Thank you." You whispered back, both of you knowing it carried a much deeper meaning than you thanking him for helping you out of a car.

He pulled out his coat that you'd had wrapped around you, knowing it was too cold for you to not be wearing a coat right now. He pulled it around you, helping you slide both your arms in, before leaning down to do the zip up for you. He did it up teasingly slow and it made you nervous for when he'd reach the top. Once he'd reached the top he was stood so close to you that you could hear his heartbeat. His breath was shaky, but not as shaky as yours. You wanted to blame it on the cold but you knew it wasn't because of that.

He looked between your sparkling eyes and your rosy lips, being so indecisive of what he would rather look at. Your lips, he could kiss them for days, but your eyes - your eyes were something else. He swore they were the most precious things in the world. You were convinced he was going to lean in and kiss you, but he proved otherwise.

"Here," he took off his beanie and helped suit it onto your head instead, making sure your hair was tucked out of your eyes as he did so, "you're like a little icicle." He chuckled, making you laugh along with him.

"Thanks, Harry." You smiled sweetly at him, blessed to have him act so kind towards you. His heart was so big, yet so fragile as if it were made of glass, and deserved to be treated with all the grace in the world, but you'd managed to tear it down to its last shards - leaving nothing but broken pieces for him to pick up. "Aren't you going to be cold?" You asked, concerned for his physical health.

He reached in to the glove compartment, before bringing out another hat - a TPWK one at that. You laughed as he placed it on his head, finding it amusing how he was repping his own merchandise.

"You think it's funny? Me, wearing me own merch?" He laughed along with you, finding the most stupid things hilarious. It was just like old times - better times.

"Well do you want your hat back?" You offered, reaching for the bobble on the top of it.

"No. I like it better on you." He winked and it made you roll your eyes.

He slammed the door shut and locked the car with his keys, before stuffing them in his pockets. He took in a big breathe, most likely taking in the crisp winter air. It was refreshing, but something that was becoming all too familiar now. You needed a change. Jamaica, maybe?

Harry reached in to the open trunk of the truck and pulled out a regular rucksack. He slipped it on to his back before he held out his hand for you. "Ready?" He asked, not going anywhere until you took a tight hold on his hand.

"Ready." You nodded, eagerly grabbing his hand - wanting to feel those tingles all over again.

•••••

The walk, to wherever the fuck you were going, was exceptionally pretty. Harry chose well.

The path was hidden deep within a forest and it creeped you out at how dark and mysterious the whole atmosphere was. You felt completely safe standing next to Harry and holding his hand. He was warm and it warmed you up too.

No words had been spoken yet, only soft hums of a tune that Harry must be working on - seeing as you'd never heard it before. It was beautiful whatever it was. The eery night was so peaceful that you felt as if you had no problems left in the world. As if you mum was mentally okay. Your dad was still here. You and Harry were still together. What a perfect world that would be, but unfortunately some people weren't supposed to lead a perfect life. You were one of the unfortunate ones.

As you reached an opening of trees you noticed the lights shining more and more. They were becoming brighter and brighter the closer you came. Then it all started coming back to you. That tree - the one you fell out of whilst playing hide and seek with your dad. That bush - the one that you'd fallen in and cut your knee on whilst on a run with your dad. That pile of logs - the ones that you'd built many a campfire with, with your dad. And finally, that outlook over the valley below - the one that you would turn up at whenever you were sad with your dad.

It made you stop dead in your tracks.

"Harry." You whispered, finding it overwhelming that he knew of this place and how special it was to you. He knew that your father had passed, but you never really explained how it made you feel. You tended to bottle up all your emotions and keep them to yourself, finding it unfair to lay all your shit on someone else who might be going through things worse than you. This was uncharted territory for you.

"It's okay." He reminded you, bringing you closer in to his side with his arm. You appreciated him a bloody lot.

"No it's not. It's not and it's all my fault." You couldn't walk any further, not knowing where this evening was going and what Harry wanted to talk to you about. The guilt was eating you alive. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, no. Don't be sorry. I don't want you to be sorry, Y/N/N, okay?" Harry made you look at him, showing him to observe the small trickle of tears rubbing down your cheeks. You wished he didn't see them, though, because you felt selfish. If anyone should be crying it was him.

"But I—"

"I know what you did, I was there. Front row and centre actually." He laughed, bopping your nose to earn a laugh out of you too.

"How c-can you stand being near m-me then?" You were confused. You mum had told you that Harry would never want to see you again - charming.

"Because I love you." Harry put it in a way that was so simple, yet one that made your heart melt and walls crumble. He was still yours even after all this time, really?

"You l-love me? Still?" You had to double check, completely lost at how he was still devoted to you after all this time. After all that you'd said and done. Of course you still loved him, that was a given, but him still loving you was a terrifyingly happy surprise. He always has had the biggest heart of gold, and he remains to live up to that title. You were so undeserving of him and his heart of gold.

"I never stopped, baby." He squished your face close to his, large hands concealing your face to keep you focused on him and only him.

"You can't mean that, Harry. Not after everything I put you through." You whispered, searching for any signs of doubt behind his eyes. There was nothing but love for all you could see though.

"Listen to me Y/N/N. The last few months have made me realise something. It's made me realise that you're too special to me to ever let you go. Even though you made my phone miss your calls and we hadn't spoke since you went away, all I could think about was you and how you were doing. You didn't look good when you came to my porch in London, and you still don't baby." Harry was being completely honest with you, needing you to understand the complex depths of both sides of this relationship.

"No, i'm okay." You tried to convince him, but lacked the evidence to justify the statement.

"When was the last time you slept for a good 8 hours?" Harry asked, keeping you close to him - afraid you may dash at any point.

"Um, well—" You tried to rack your brain for an answer, but the answer was so long ago it was long forgotten.

"When was the last time you ate a proper meal?" He asked again, this time his eyes gazing down at your body. Yes, you knew that you'd become skinner but you didn't realise it was that noticeable. Or maybe it was just because Harry always noticed the most smallest, most minute, details about you.

"It was, um—" You squeezed your eyes shut hoping something would come to mind but you knew it was pointless.

"When was the last time you gave yourself a breather? A sit down? A bit of time to yourself?" He pressed for an answer, but it was obvious by now that you didn't have an answer.

"I-I," you let out a defeated sigh, looking towards the ground in shame, "I don't know." You admitted to him, and to yourself. You know you should take care of yourself better, but it's been hard to sort it out when you're doing a million and one other jobs too.

You two stayed silent for a few moments, reflecting on the words that had been spoken this evening. Finding out that Harry was still in love with you, in the area that was filled with fond childhood memories with your dad, whilst coming to teens with your mental struggles was a lot to take in in just one night. You could only take so much and you'd be forever grateful that it was Harry by your side right now and no one else. Not even your dad could come close to the secure and warm feelings that Harry gave you.

"I'm not okay, Harry, am I?" You had to ask Harry for support in your question, not wanting to admit the truth to yourself alone.

"You're just a little broken, baby, but i'm here okay? It won't be like this forever, I promise." Harry swore it on his mums life. His hands left your cheeks and instead wrapped around your body protectively, making sure you felt the mental and physical stability of him being there for you.

"I'm so-sorry for everything, Harry." You apologised for not nearly the enough times that evening - well technically morning. If you waited long enough you could probably watch the sun rise from this side of the valley - it was something you dreamt about doing with your dad, but it was too late to fulfil that dream when the time came around.

"It's alright." Harry shushed you, allowing you to carry on with the sobs you needed to let out.

"Is it?" You questioned, still not fully convinced that it was.

"I'll be alright as long as you are alright, love." You could feel Harrys smile against the side of your head where he was resting it, making you slightly smile in return. "Just need you back."

"If you'll have me?" You offered, wanting him to be positively sure of himself.

"Always." He replied, using the same phrasing you'd done earlier this evening.

•••••

Sunrise.

You never thought it would be so beautiful and yet you were so magically lost for words. The way the sun caught its first few rays on the glistening, snowy, mountain tops was cinematic. The rays starting to warm up your icy skin was exhilarating, almost like it was feeding you life again. Oh how your dad would've loved this.

What was even more special than the sunrise was the boy that you got to spend watching it with. Wrapped under a layer of three blankets, your back against his front whilst sat perched against a thick oak tree, you got to witness a moment so singular and unique, with someone as equally unique, and you wouldn't swap it for a million pounds.

Harry had brought hot cocoa, with little pink and white marshmallows, in a thermo-flask to help keep you both warm. He'd clearly thought about this "date", you guess you could call it, with great passion. He had thought of everything. He'd brought bundles of blankets, the hot chocolate, an extra jumper for you - your favourite one of his in fact - and even a portable charger so your phone was ready to snap some shots of the waking sun.

You were positive his body was completely stiff now, most likely going to have crippling back pains for the rest of the week, but you knew he didn't care. All he cared about was you and that you were happy.

Throughout the morning, whilst you were waiting for the sun to arise, you spoke about everything and nothing. You'd learnt that Harry had been with someone a month after your broken up with him, but went in to a two week period of self loathing afterwards because she, quote, "just wasn't you". Apparently he'd almost said your name, to her, the morning after and that's when he knew it was never going to be anyone else but you. Of course your heart bled a little to hear him have moved on so quickly, but you also remember encouraging it so you couldn't really be angry.

You opened up about the grieving of your dad and the hardship that your mum had become. Although it was hard to hear, listening to Harry suggest maybe taking her to a group house for family rehabilitation, or something along those lines, it should be an option to consider. He never pressed you for an answer, but only letting you know he was here whatever you decided to do.

You apologised a lot more times and each time he shut you up with his lips. God had you missed those lips. You'd missed him more.

Harry admitted he'd developed a slight drinking problem and had had to stay at random hotel rooms, for the first couple of months, because he couldn't bare to walk around a house that was so full of you and your memories. The kitchen, where you'd prepared countless morning coffees for him. The study, where you'd read a few stories to him. The bedroom, where you'd spent many a night with him beneath the sheets loving each other until you physically could no more.

Both of you were extremely vulnerable and that's exactly how it needed to be.

To move forwards you vowed to be more open and honest with one another. Harry promised to stay with you for a while, up here, until he was comfortable that you'd be okay if he left you. You promised to never leave him again, which he was perfectly happy with. You also strictly told him that he wasn't to go near a bottle of alcohol unless you were with him, not baring the thought of having to send him into rehab for substance abuse.

The two of you had a long way to go to be perfect, but then again there was no such thing. You were just Y/N and Harry, and as long as you made each other happy, then that, in your eyes, was perfect.

627 notes · View notes

lazorbeanz · 3 months

Note

Why do you personally ship, like, or appreciate Sonamy? What got you into Sonamy? What’s your favorite moment between the two?

Why do I ship Sonamy?

Okay, ima admit it..for someone who is a diehard sonamy fan, and thinks about AND ONLY about them literally every waking second, I can not think of ONE reason why I ship them to begin with….

“So you just ship them for basically no reason WHY?!” Pretty much 😅

And I’ve seen so many other people give their really good reasons and opinions on why they ship sonamy, and I full on agree with ‘em, but as for myself, I rack up nothing…and it’s my favourite ship too I mean come onnn TwT

I’ve also had my sister ask me this same question not long ago, and all I could do was just sit there and think “Damn your life almost revolves around these 2 HOW CAN YOU NOT HAVE AN ANSWER?!” I constantly beat myself up for this because I know I should 😭

And I mean, stuff like being the dynamic duo that they are, (whether in battle or not) their attitude and affection for each other evolving over time, respecting the other’s wants and needs, respecting boundaries (kinda the same thing tbh lol) , enjoying each others company, and just how the whole idea of sonamy has turned from what some people may see as “toxic” or “forced” (that might be the better word for it) from early 2000s media, to something more laid back and healthy like recent media because of all the character development over the years… etc, etc…are all fantastic reasons, and even reasons I would now apply as to why I love the ship even more…BUT they’re not the reasons I began to ship them in the first place, because these things I NEVER took into consideration when I starting doing so.

To put a long story short, I just saw pink and blue hedgies and was like, “ooooh I sense chemistry”

I feel like I could be going no where with all this. But all I’m tryna say is that I LIKE sonamy simply because of who they are…just a speedy blue boi and his hammer-wielding pink girlie. I APPRECIATE them solely because of their existence, especially in my life. They are like- one of the few things I ever look forward to these days. I SHIP them because unlike any other ship that has sonic or amy in it, sonamy just… “works” (I don’t know how to explain it but you know what I mean right??) And despite not being canon, (YET! 😏) they have got to be the closest ship to becoming canon (besides vectilla) ..unless I’m just biased :p

What got me into Sonamy?

Well, I did kinda just answer this in the previous question lol but I have to elaborate!

So yeah it started off with just seeing them 2 together and thought “I like where this is going hehe” tho tbh it never really went anywhere…because I was watching Sonic Boom at the time XD, the first piece of Sonic media I consumed since regaining an interest in the franchise. AND WE ARE NOT going back to like 2015 or 16 when I first discovered Sonic…idek what I did regarding shipping back then…I think I like shipped blaze and shadow or something OH LAWD-

Also to think that those short lived Sonamy moments in Boom didn’t even bother me in the slightest?! Present me is disgusted by such lack of interest or care! 😫

Okay okay I’m straying from the question, I’m sorry!!

There are a few things that got me hooked on Sonamy. First was definitely the tv series’. Boom, Prime and X all had adorable and wholesome moments that I could’ve almost died of cuteness from! Some of it was also hilarious too. In Sonic boom for instance, sonic and Amy would fight like a married couple lololol

Another thing (and this was the game changer) was the fanart and animatics. These became the addiction for me; one comic would lead to me reading another, which lead me to read another and so on. Or I’d find an animatic on YT and watch that and then begin scavenging trying to find more animatics to feed these cravings of sonamy I was beginning to gain all of a sudden.

And it just got worse and worse to the point I practically need a daily dose of Sonamy or I just might go feral

But I mean, how could I not?! YOU GUYS ARE SO GOSH DARN TALENTED AKJDJSJDND

Sadly now my food hath runneth dry over the months…so if any of u like come across anything sonamy pls don’t hesitate to tag me or send it to me pls I need it ajhshsjs

On top of all that, came the brainrot. My growing love for this ship and all the incredible media really sent me into a serious Sonamy delulu era. Literally almost ANYTHING can send me into deep thoughts about those 2, no kidding. I literally planned out in my head an entire story of them a couple days ago. Sometimes it’s a head canon or 2, other times just something extremely wholesome I’ll imagine them do and I’ll be deceased. Those rats live in my head rent free omg-

As I said, ANYTHING can trigger this brainrot; a song, a scene, a quote, a random object…you name it, I’ll come up with a Sonamy headcanon in relation to it.

I can’t also forget other sonic media that also boosted it like game cutscenes and IDW. Lately IDW has been CARRYING it for me with the little Sonamy moments like in the 900th adventure, #67 and other tidbits I’d find in former issues. The amount of frames I’ve seen of them hugging warms my heart waaa🥺🥺

Overall, this fandom has really impacted me and my love for Sonamy. (and sonic in general) all the things I’ve learnt and discovered have made me love them all the more because of it. My life has almost become an Sonamy aesthetic now…I am NOT joking when I tell you my PJs are Sonamy coded, and that was hardly intentional…🤣

Favourite Sonamy moment?

Arrghhh why just one?? Pretty much ANY moment involving those 2 cotton candy hedgies are bound to be my favourite!

Totally not saying this cuz I can’t pick a favourite *cough cough*

Take this, it’s the only Sonamy image I really have in my photo album rn.. (I should be in jail for this)

Its one of my favs so it counts :)

Woowee that just about covers it! Now you know all about my weird and wonderweird love for my favourite ship :D 🩷💙

#sez says #asks #answered asks #sonic #sonic the hedgehog #sth #amy rose #Sonamy #sonic x Amy #sonic and amy

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br4inr0tx · 6 months

Note

HI I’ve been looking for someone that writes for the thanksgiving movie ever since I watched it. Masked slasher/voice changer do things to me.

Anyways can I request HCs with John Carver and someone he’s had this eye on for a while nearing thanksgiving? Feel free to get creative! Hope you have a good day :]

Sure thing! I feel the exact way about slashers..Urrhrghrh I love this man so much y’all I’m going to be SEARCHING for John Carver roleplayers AAAAA (character ai just doesn’t satisfy me enough ig 😓)

Happy Thanksgiving <3

tw - MASSIVE THANKSGIVING 2023 SPOILERS, stalking, death, manipulation, deception of gore, kidnapping.

Eric Newlon…

• Eric has had his eyes on you for a month now. He’s been very careful, as he knows all too well about how the smallest of details can ruin absolutely everything. You simply just don’t know it yet.

• The John Carver killer stalks and records his victims as you know. I’m retrospect he’s had his eyes on you longer then you think. Watching and carefully planning every detail.

• And you wouldn’t even have a clue.

• It’s around Thanksgiving time. You get around enough to know a few kids in town, and talk to people. Maybe, you even reminisce about the lives lost a year ago.

• It pains you to know that nightmare is all coming back. Faces you recognize are found missing or dead, and it’s been freaking you the fuck out.

• Not to mention those posts you keep getting tagged in are so very unsettling. Your name at a table with other chairs and names of people you may or may not recognize. The anxieties just kept coming and coming..

• Luckily, Sheriff Newlon has been there to help you during these rather compromising times. He seems to always know the best thing to say when you’re stressed out, and it’s kind of nice. You hind yourself recently stopping by his office just to spend time with him while he does research, and let me tell you, he eats the attention it right up.

• He assures you, nothing will hurt you when you’re with him. He won’t let this deranged killer harm you. You’re too sweet to lose. He jokes about how he could care less about those other foolish teenagers, but is he though?

• At work recently you’ve had these people you can’t stand. They never get their work done and seem to get away with it, along with being unserious and silly all the time. It hurts to focus most of the time..so frustrating. Their newest topic is bringing up last year’s incident too, which heightens your anxiety.

• Recently..they haven’t been showing up to work. Sure, you could use a few days without them, but now with this all going on? You can’t help but have a bittersweet feeling about it all.

• You decide to stay with Sheriff Newlon, or as he ushers you to say, Just Eric. It calms your nerves for the most part as he talks about things to get your mind off this whole mess. He promises you it fucks with his head too.

• After a minute Eric groans, shaking his head at the computer. “I gotta go copy some papers, I’ll be right back.” You nod, sitting back in your chair as you waited for his return. A long awaited return, too.

• You start to daydream, staring off at the walls aligned with case after case tied to the recent events of murders. It sent a shiver down your spine.

• You stood up, walking over to the pinboard and reading all of them. One paper caught your interest in particular, and as you picked it off the wall you knew exactly what it was. Your co-workers..they were tied to this. They went missing just like the others, and one of their purses was found on the side of the street with everything in it, from identification to money, like their only purpose was for the person themselves to be taken..

• You cringed hard reading it all, and as you tilted the paper upwards to bring it into more of the light in Eric’s dim room, the reflection on the plastic sleeve gave you quite a fright.

• After a quick turn around, you saw him. The John Carver Killer. As soon as you made a move he strikes, grabbing you and shoving you right against the desk and over it with your hands above your head, and with his free hand a Chloroform filled rag shoved roughly against your mouth and nose.

• In the hysteria there wasn’t much you could do. Anytime you struggled he’d grip your hands a little tighter as a warning. So much so he managed to crack your knuckles and almost even bend them in an awkward direction. That was until you finally fell asleep.

• When you woke up, you were at the front of the table, your hands tied behind your back. You weren’t gagged, but by the looks of your surroundings and the way the light shines through the boarded up windows nobody would hear you if you screamed anyway..

• What’s more, those pesky co-workers are around the table with you, all dead in different creative ways.

• John Carver appears behind you, placing his hands gently on your shoulders. “Isn’t this nice, Y/N? Everyone together, just having a nice dinner?” His head lowers right next to your ear. His voice sounded somehow robotic, perhaps because he was a voice changer. “Just like a Thanksgiving should be, right?”

• He sighs, like he had an amazing little daydream. The way his hands ran down your shoulders too..it’s the same way the sheriff used to. “I know you’ve been feeling lately..and I know you appreciate the true meaning of Thanksgiving. I made you something special, no strings attached..”

• You’re favorite meal, whatever that may be, was right in front of you. It looks delicious too..not any sort of gore or cannibalism you’d expect from the bodies all around. How would he know something that specific like your favorite food though? “Open up..” He feeds you the food himself, not trusting you just yet to let you go.

• If you don’t want to eat, be that way. He can warm you your food back up if you change your mind, but don’t ever say he didn’t have good hospitality.

• “You remind me of someone I used to know, Y/N..” He gently pushes your hair out of your face, feeding you another piece if you decided to play along. “So kind..not like those others who only care about themselves.”

• He keeps explaining everything he likes about you..even down to the smallest detail, which shakes you to your core. “

• “In fact, this year, I’m thankful for you. <3”

#horror #thanksgiving movie #thanksgiving #eric newlon #john carver

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beyondspaceandstars · 2 years

Text

The Great War

Relationship: Druig x Eternal!Reader Warnings: Angst, canon divergence Summary: Druig had to watch you piece yourself back together after the Eternals split — and fears of facing tragedy once again rise when the Eternals end up at his doorstep. He’s determined to put you first this time, but nothing is ever that cut and dry, and you prove that. A/N: sooooooo I forgot about this one shot... Um, I believe I wrote it almost a year ago and it just sat on my computer so after some re-reading and editing, I think it’s okay to share! I hope you enjoy.

Masterlist

He watched you from a far as you gave the children a tour of the garden. He knew it was your pride and joy and your face did nothing to hide the light that shined within you when one of the kids asked a question.

You could command the crops however you pleased, and your brain was packed with facts about every single thing that grew. You could go on and on for hours—Druig could personally vouch for that. Recently, you’ve been experimenting with hybrid crops, trying to find a new species to perfect, and you kept Druig very much in the loop about your progress every night before bed.

But he didn’t mind in the slightest. He’d listen to you talk about anything so long as that look of blissful happiness was plastered on your face.

Druig wandered a little closer to the garden, not close enough to draw attention, just enough to eavesdrop on your tour. He tried to look busy like he was inspecting a row of corn, but really you had his attention. Then again, he couldn’t think of many times when you didn’t crowd his mind.

"…and here we have some cabbage," you explained. The kids following you oohed delightfully.

Ah, yes. The cabbage. Druig chuckled to himself. A vegetable that has little business growing out here, let alone this time of year. But that was just the beauty of your powers. You could make pretty much anything sprout in nearly any environment.

It had taken some convincing for you to really use your powers. You had been so concerned with if growing certain things and aiding the villagers would go against the mission. But Druig had kindly reminded you that you two were away from it all. You were helping this civilization thrive—any means necessary.

Hence, cabbage growing in the summer heat.

Druig watched as you moved the young tour group to a vacant section of the garden.

"Here is where I hope we can start growing carrots soon," you said, motioning towards the freshly plowed land.

"Carrots?" One of the children said, her voice shakily repeating the word. "What are carrots?"

Druig smirked at the flood-gate the child had unknowingly opened. You wasted no time dishing out your detailed lecture on carrots.

You were just getting into a spiel about beta-carotene when a shiver went up Druig’s spine. Something was off, and he noticed it immediately. The village had been disturbed, penetrated by an unknown. He took a quick glance back at you to make sure you were alright. When Druig saw you were still drawing on about carrots, he let out a sigh of relief and left the garden in search of what had caused such a powerful imbalance on his land.

But his hunt hadn’t been a hunt at all. The problem made itself known immediately.

They were bold, he had to give them that.

***

The young student gave you one last hug before she ran back to her parents. You had made her home your last stop as you went about dropping the students off after the tour. She was a talkative one full of complex but beautiful questions and you absolutely adored that. You wanted them to be curious, to ask as many questions as they could think of. You’d answer them all as you had for their parents when they were young. And their grandparents. And so on.

You pulled your shawl tighter around you as you made your way through the village, looking for Druig. He probably thought you hadn’t noticed him observing your tour but you must certainly had. He was hard to miss and after all these years still managed to drive you a bit wild, even when standing there doing nothing.

You scanned the various groups of villagers but couldn’t seem to find your lover among them. You frowned and stopped at a congregating group of women. They were weaving baskets.

"Has Druig been around?" You asked in their native tongue. The women looked surprised at your question.

"He’s at the Center talking to our visitor," one woman kindly explained before turning back to her work.

You frowned. Visitors? What visitors? You didn’t see casual visitors this deep inland.

You thanked the women for their time and made your way to the Center. It was a nice communal space that held a variety of events, from meetings to religious services. It wasn’t too uncommon for Druig to be held up in there during the day, but the mention of visitors drew a lot of confusion for you. Why would he invite someone in?

Druig was very cautious about outside forces, to the point you got slightly annoyed about it. You’d only been out of the village a handful of times and were always met with Druig’s intense resistance. He was incredibly protective of you, sometimes bordering the edge of controlling—but you understood why. He loved you deeply and had promised to never let anything—or anyone—hurt you again. So far, he had kept his promise. But a sense of unusual nervousness filled you as you approached the Center.

You really didn’t know what you expected to find when you pulled open the door to the Center. Part of you thought you’d find Druig working on something. Another part of you thought he’d be having a meeting with these mystery visitors.

What you hadn’t prepared for was to come face-to-face with some old…pals.

The group of Eternals turned to face you the second you opened the door. Like you, it didn’t take them long to realize who they were coming in contact with. They bore mixed expressions, surprise and relief being the most evident. Well, except for Druig. He sulked off to the side, looking displeased when his eyes landed on you, but the others paid little attention to him.

Once the shock wore off, they mostly all greeted you joyously. You couldn’t help the smile that crept its way onto your face as you soaked in this unexpected but welcomed reunion.

You didn’t think you’d ever see any of them again after the fateful night. The Split had been especially excruciating for you. The life and people you’d known, the routine and security, all vanished. You were a bit lost for a while until Druig had offered you a hand.

However, that malice and fear weren’t at the forefront of your mind right now. All you could focus on was your fellow Eternals coming together again, sharing a moment under one roof. It truly had been so, so long.

"What are you all doing here?" You asked after giving a share of hugs and happy exclamations.

Sersi, naturally, was the quickest to step up to the plate to answer your question. The light in her eyes faltered as she opened her mouth to speak, but Druig didn’t waste a second before cutting her off.

"Nothing," Druig spat. He stepped in front of you, nearly blocking your view of the others. Your brows furrowed at his commanding tone, but he didn’t give you time to retaliate. "We had some matter to discuss briefly, nothing special. They were just on their way out, actually. Why don’t you help the villagers prepare for dinner, dear."

"Dear?" It was Ikaris who spoke up now, unable to hide his surprise at the pet name that rolled off Druig’s lips naturally. But while it was Ikaris who said something, a look of surprise flashed on everyone’s face.

Druig ignored him, his focus solely on you. "Please, love."

You know you should’ve listened to your lover and usually, you do, but, in the moment, you couldn’t. You wanted to know what was going on, even though you found comfort in the village. You knew this wasn’t nothing. Stuff like this didn’t happen. You knew these fellow beings too well. The reunion happening here wasn’t for shits and giggles. And they certainly weren’t here to just check up on you and Druig. No one did that.

"Druig, come on…" Sersi pleaded.

Druig shook his head. "She’s been through enough thanks to all of you, thanks to all of us. The last thing she needs is to be put in serious danger."

Ikaris scoffed. "How about you let her speak for herself."

Druig shot the other man a glare you hadn’t seen in centuries. In fact, you hadn’t seen Druig this upset since the day you two had reunited.

"I haven’t seen you all in ages," you said, trying to keep your voice light. "I certainly am curious to know what brings you out here." You gave Druig an apologetic look but he didn’t refute. His features even seemed to get softer at your patient words.

Before anyone else could interject, Sersi gave you a rundown of it all. From the Deviants, to the true purpose of the mission, to the regretful news of Ajak. The Eternal didn’t miss a beat relaying a story she already seemed tired of sharing.

You soaked in every word, completely stunned and alarmed by the news she had to share. When she explained they needed your and Druig’s help, you tensed. You could now understand why your lover had been so reluctant.

Unfortunately, Druig was also right in the fact that you didn’t need this, didn’t want this disturbance. You had created something beautiful and familiar here and your immediate desire was to go down with this ship.

So much was at stake on both fronts, and the surprise of it all wasn’t something you wanted to wrap your head around right now. Losing this? The land? The people? Everyone? Your hands shook as you spoke.

"I…I am sorry, Sersi, but I don’t see how I can be of any help," you said as gently as you could manage. "I think I may be better off here."

"Please, we need all—,"

"What have you done to her?" Ikaris asked Druig, cutting off Sersi and making everyone in the room jump. "What are you controlling her or something?"

Druig let out a wicked laugh. "Does she look like she’s being controlled, Ikaris? Frankly, I am insulted you would even think I’d treat her that way."

"Because you’re so above controlling others."

Druig marched towards Ikaris, leaving little room between them. His voice was bitter and hot as he spoke. "I am when it comes to the one I love. How dare you accuse me of that." Druig paused as he and Ikaris stared at one another as if challenging each other to say another word. When Ikaris didn’t reply, Druig took half a step back and turned to the group. "I think you all have overstayed your welcome, don’t you agree?" He looked around expectantly, but no one moved.

Cautiously, you broke the heavy silence. "This has truly been a lot for one afternoon. Maybe we should take some time to think. We can regroup later."

After an unsettling moment of everyone watching Druig like he was a ticking bomb, he agreed with your proposal. The others were quick to follow suit and, not surprisingly, looked relieved to have a moment out of the stuffy Center.

You happily showed the group where you gathered for meals, hoping they’d at least want a snack after trekking all the way out here. You enjoyed your dinner among the people and your friends and tried your best to refrain from bragging about the vegetables in the stew that came from your garden. You failed at that, but everyone seemed impressed with your crops. Druig held your hand through the entire meal, successfully but bitterly avoiding the questioning looks of the other Eternals. It had not been missed by you that you two were yet to explain your dynamic and how it came to be. Sure, a little flirting had occurred prior to The Split, but declarations of love must’ve been a confusing step.

But it was good. The moment was good and the evening was ultimately enjoyable. The villagers loved conversing with the guests. They were so welcoming and curious. The food was lovely. The company was lovely. The atmosphere was lovely. Was this all truly in jeopardy? How could it come to this? You didn’t like having your heart heavy with this.

Couple of hours later, after you finished assisting with the cleanup, you found yourself sitting under a tree, away from the bustling village, snacking on some berries. You weren’t alone for long, though, as you saw Sersi make her way through the dense trees.

"How are you doing?" She asked as she took a seat next to you on the ground.

"Okay," you said noncommittally. You held out your hand, presenting a few berries. "Would you taste these? I can’t decide if they need to be sweeter."

Sersi chuckled. "Is this a ploy to poison me?"

You shivered. "I haven’t dealt in that in centuries."

One area of your powers you had always held back on was the way that, while you could grow the most delicious crops, you could also grow the most deadly. But there was no need to unleash that anymore. It did little to help the village.

"Alright," Sersi said with a shrug and took the berries. "But if they find my body out here, they’ll probably look at you first."

You nodded. "That’s fair."

Sersi tossed the berries in her mouth. She hmm’d. "So," she began, "you and Druig?"

"Yes," you replied to her question that wasn’t a question. Part of you hoped that would be that but Sersi’s unwavering stare made it clear she wasn’t walking away without the whole story. This came as no surprise.

You took a deep breath and began. "After Ajak sent us off I was…lost. So very lost. Everyone else just made their decisions and went on. I—I didn’t know where to go, where to begin. I had known one way, one goal, for as long as I could remember and now everything was upside down. Everyone went their own way. I felt left behind." You paused to take a deep breath. You hadn’t spoken of such things with anyone but Druig, but, then again, no one had been around to hear it. To ask.

"It took a couple of years, but I eventually came upon Druig," you continued. "He admitted he had tried looking for me but I was the only one off his radar. He then apologized for storming away. I shared my feelings on the situation—on The Split—and the villagers welcomed me. I’ve rarely left since. Over time, our usual flirting and banter grew. He’s just… He’s just it for me. He’s so kind and caring. He’s taken care of me in so many ways and I truly couldn’t ask for a better partner. Up until today, I believed in fate. But maybe this was all just part of the plan. I could do without the pain and feeling…deserted but, in the end, this love has been good to me."

Sersi was silent as you spoke. She grew still beside you. Your spite had mostly subsided, but you still felt it was important to share, especially if dooms day was upon you. And while you had, for the most part, moved on and adapted, you knew Druig still held a bit of a grudge. Not to mention the anger he felt towards himself for leaving you, but over the years, you tried your best to ease his shame.

"Well, I—I didn’t— We, we didn’t…" You watched Sersi scramble to find the right words but her lack of reasoning wasn’t a bad thing. There was nothing to say.

"It’s okay," you assured her. "I’ve moved on. I’ve even made peace with all of it, I think." You looked back down at your basket of berries. "But there is someone who hasn’t quite come around to the idea of forgive and forget."

Sersi nodded. "Druig never quite seemed like the one to entertain such ideas."

"Please excuse his animosity towards the situation." You paused. "About earlier…"

"We do need you, truly," Sersi said. "I understand it’s frightening and you’re welcome to despise us but think about this place." She looked up at the trees and moonlight surrounding you two. "Everything’s so wonderful. The people, the place, the home you two have built. Don’t you at least want a shot to fight for it?"

You looked at the landscape around you. At the trees. The berries. The homes off in the distance. You hear the chatter of the villagers. The blow of the wind. The hum of the nighttime creatures. You closed your eyes, recounting the dinner, how nice it had felt to have so many of your friends together again. You wanted that all over again. You wanted this home you built.

"I think I was overwhelmed by all this…news," you explained. "And at first, I didn’t want anything to do with…anything. If the world was ending, I wanted to be here, in my home, but now… I don’t believe I can sit idly and let this place, these people, vanish." You opened your eyes. "More importantly, I can’t let my friends, my family, down."

Sersi took a moment and pattered your hand. "I’m relieved to hear that. You’re important, you’re valued. We can’t do it without you."

You shared a shy smile. "Well, I’m glad you’re happy about my decision. Lord knows how Druig is going to react."

"He’s shocked," a voice said from among the forest. You and Sersi whipped your heads around to find Druig walking out from behind a group of trees.

"I’ve never known you to eavesdrop so much, honey," you said, trying to keep the situation casual, but you were practically shaking.

Druig approached you two slowly. "Forgive me, my lady. I had only come to suggest we retire for the night. I certainly hadn’t expected to find you…conspiring," He shot a look at Sersi, who held her head high.

You sighed. "Druig, please…"

Sersi turned back to you. "I think you two should talk."

You hesitated but eventually agreed. Sersi avoided Druigs heated gaze as she left, heading back to the village. Druig took Sersi’s former spot next to you under the tree.

"You truly want to do this?" Druig asked softly, a stark contrast from his previous demeanor. "After everything, you want to help? You think we have a chance?"

"We have to try," you said. "For this. For us."

Druig took your hands in his. You turned to face him finding him very close. Your foreheads were practically touching. He stared into your eyes like you were all that existed and, for a second, it felt like that.

"I can’t bare to see you hurt again, love," he said. "And if we do this, there’s no telling what will happen after. There’s not even a guarantee we’ll make it out alive—,"

"That’s why we try," you pleaded. "And I’m aware this reunion may mean nothing. We’ll all probably go our separate ways again and that’s fine. I have a place to go back to. I have a routine and a garden and goals… But above all else, I have you. And with all that, I think I’ll be okay."

Druig searched your expression like he was expecting you to change your mind, but when nothing else left your lips, he nodded in defeat.

"If this is what you wish to do, I’ll follow you." He brought one of his hands up to caress your cheek. "I’m sorry for my behavior earlier. It was uncalled for and you always have the right to make your own decisions, do you understand that?"

"I know that, Druig. You were just being your protective self."

"That’s obvious?" He said with a humorless laugh. "I just want to see you happy, love."

"I am happy, Druig," you said, your eyes starting to well with tears—the good kind. "Happier than you’ll ever know."

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lakeofsilverpike · 9 months

Text

It’s so odd to me how fandom discourse about the Aiel war often focuses on Laman as the cause of the war and discusses how cruel he was to his own people and discusses Daes Dae’mar. There’s all this discussion about Cairhienin society being awful that always comes with talk of the war. As if we should see Cairhien as to blame for the war.

But taking a step back, Laman cut down a tree of great cultural significance to the Aiel. This is of course bad. But an appropriate response to desecration of another culture’s quasi religious symbol, should never be to start a war. The Aiel murdered thousands of innocent civilians because of an action their king took. This reads like an incredibly straightforward situation. There is rarely a right and wrong party in war, but it’s hard to imagine a fictional war where there is a party as wrong as the Aiel. Invading a country and killing the civilians because you don’t like their leader is bad. The Aiel’s ongoing hatred of Cairhienin people even after the war is bad. Weird that it seems like a controversial take.

Similarly the Seanchan. Parts of fandom speak about them as the benevolent colonizers. Things are so great when they take over. They make the trains run on time. This is familiar colonial rhetoric, and the idea that modern fans sometimes seem to buy into it is a little scary to me. This society cannot be any more clearly evil. A slave holding society is not morally good. It can never be. The books do some very problematic things with the seanchan that I’m hopeful the show won’t repeat.

It is important to remember that the Seanchan continue to have a society structured around slavery and colonialism. And as much as there are many Aiel characters that are fan favorites, it’s important to remember that twenty years ago, the Aiel engaged in a genocidal war. Yes they went home when they killed Laman. But they were happy to kill every Cairhienin person to do that. They maintain a hatred of Cairhienin people to this day. We cannot think about Aiel society without thinking about them as having recently taken part in what is written as a genocidal war.

Part of being a good person in societies with the legacy of genocide or slavery is being able to acknowledge that these things are wrong and repudiate them fully. I think this is at the heart of why it is so troubling to see fans’ uncritical admiration for Aiel culture. Or fans enjoying Mat and Tuon as a couple. There are real world issues being drawn into the discussion. Many of us live in countries that benefited from colonialism, slavery, or genocide. To look at a fictional culture that started a war where civilians were slaughtered as if they were less than human, and see that fictional culture as admirable, is dangerously close to gazing on our real world countries, not so far out from genocide and slavery ourselves, and seeing them as admirable instead of deeply flawed.

#wot book spoilers #tw slavery #tw genocide #wheel of time #wot meta

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mementoboni · 11 months

Text

[part 3/4] DIR EN GREY WOWOW Interview & Document (2020)

"But looking at these, seeing Diru's behind-the-scenes production process, I still feel it's not easy, DIR EN GREY is really amazing." — Shinya

Notes before reading:

The whole interview is divided into 8 topics, and the translation is divided into 4 parts. This is the third part, including the 5th topic. The details of all topics and time markers are 👉 here.

I have added Chinese subtitles for this video in 2021. The whole interview was very meaningful, and I hope that with the English translation, more people can understand what they're talking about.

The five members were interviewed separately and then edited into a video, so the words spoken by each of them are not necessarily coherent.

Repost and share are welcome.🙌 I translated it all by my ears, so please feel free to correct me if you spot any mistake or any confusing parts.☺️

— — —

05. Member Feature

[ 薫 Kaoru ]

►Memories of the Band Formation

Kaoru: Even ONE MAN LIVE, we still didn't have the budget to decorate the stage. But we still wanted it, so we went to TOKYU HANDS* and bought Styrofoam, flower decorations, and wire or something like that. It's fun that we all made stage decorations in the house together. (*Note: "TOKYU HANDS" is a Japanese chain of home-based department stores specializing in selling DIY products.)

►Something of Recent Interest

Kaoru: I am often asked, but I can't think of anything. I don't want to do anything when I get home. This month, in June, "Neon Genesis Evangelion" (the movie) will be released, and I really like it. Kaoru: It's almost over, of course I also want to see it earlier, but after watching it is really over. I'm a little happy that it's going to be postponed, that it won't be released this year (2020), and that I won't be able to watch it. (Staff: Emotionally, you still can't accept it.) Kaoru: Yeah, yeah, it will feel like it's not the end yet.

►Opportunity for Solo Exhibition

(*Screen caption: Kaoru held a solo exhibition”ノウテイカラノ”in 2019.) Kaoru: The reason for the exhibition is that a few years ago my hands started to become a bit uncomfortable and I couldn't hold the pick properly to play the guitar, so I had to put the pick on my fingers with tape*. As a kind of rehabilitation, I started to draw and try to show some random things, but the story is not yet that rich. (*Note: Around 2014, Kaoru's hands began to show signs of abnormalities, which were diagnosed to be the occupational disease, caused by relaxation of the ligaments of the muscles or joints.)

►The Origin of「ノウテイカラノ」("nouteikarano”)

Kaoru: When I was a child, I often had a dream. I don't know if it was the sky or the ground, but there was a pure white place, and from far away, I could see a lot of dots, as if there was a large group of things coming closer and closer, and in an instant, they all swarmed towards me. Kaoru: Every night I would dream about it, and then I woke up with a start. I wake up every time I dream about it, and what happens after that? I imagine what happens after that, try to draw a picture like this, go back to my mind at that time and imagine it. (*Note: According to Kaoru’s scend book “Dokugen ni” (published in 2018) P.85, "ノウテイカラノ" means "脳底からの" (born from inside the head), just written in katakana.

►Influence on the Band

Kaoru: At first, I wanted to draw with a different feeling, and I felt that my creative power was stimulated, so I thought I could compose with a different feeling. But, rather, it seems to be more difficult to make a song. (laughs)

...

[ Shinya ]

►The Person You Admire

Shinya: I've been in a band since my first year of middle school. X was very popular in the class, and YOSHIKI-san's presence was very strong. At that time I decided to become a drummer like him, and I've always looked up to YOSHIKI-san since then.

►Memories of the Band Formation

Shinya: We used to compose in a studio in Osaka. There was a container-like studio, and I remember we stayed there for 3 or 4 days, composing the song together. The studio was rented, and we slept there under the blankets. Shinya: I never understood why we had to share a room*. The studio was in Osaka and we could just go home, so why did we have to spend the night there? I guess other members might have felt the same way. (*Shinya used the word "gashuku, 合宿")

►Reason for Not Changing the Style

Shinya: There are people who have liked me for a long time. Also, I can feel the beauty by keeping my old look, and that's why (I don't change my look).

►Opportunity to Start Solo Project

(*Screen caption: Shinya established the music group "SERAPH" in 2017.) Shinya: The concept was already there many years ago, but I felt that it was a bit taboo to have other band activities, so I didn't do anything. But around 2012 or 2013, I started to think that it was okay, so I went into it with the intention of trying it out.

►The Concept of "SERAPH"

Shinya: The theme is the various things that I see from heaven, about human beings, and that's what I'm expressing.

►Influence on the Band

Shinya: The drum part is the same as DIR EN GREY. After all, it's an expression of my own creation. In this respect, when I think of the drums of DIR EN GREY, there may still be some influence.

►Things learned from "SERAPH"

Shinya: I have to do a lot of things by myself in SERAPH, booking all kinds of things and so on. I'm quite happy to do it myself, or maybe I'm doing it because I like it. But looking at these, seeing Diru's behind-the-scenes production process, I still feel it's not easy, DIR EN GREY is really amazing.

...

[ Die ]

►Opportunity to Go into the Band

Die: I wasn't that interested in music itself before. I like listening to music, but I don't know anything about the bands. After entering high school, I saw the performance of senpais' copy band at the cultural festival. I was dragged there by my friends, and it was a shock to me. The first time I saw a live performance, I realized that it's the band. Die: Although I had no interest in it, I wanted to do something while watching it, and I formed a band with my friend immediately after the show was over. There was no one else (in the band). I was a drummer at first. (laughs) But it's boring to play rhythm all the time at home. After all, guitar is a melodic instrument, and there is an amplifier. I guess the guitar is more attractive to me.

►Memories of the Band Formation

Die: When we first debuted, we spent the whole day in the conference room of the record company, signing posters, changing signatures, and so on. Filming also started at 6 a.m., and it took about 3 hours for a person to put on makeup, it's usually over time at the end. I remember these things very well.

►Something of Recent Interest

Die: In my daily life, I naturally see and hear things like the Japanese music industry, and it feels really peaceful.

►Opportunity to Start Solo Project

(*Screen caption: Die founded the rock band "DECAYS" in 2015.) Die: As far as music is concerned, it's something I can't do at DIR EN GREY. I wanted to try and see how far I could go without the DIR EN GREY label. There is a part of me that wants to do it myself, or to challenge it.

►Things learned from "DECAYS"

Die: At first I felt like I had to make some changes, but instead, I felt like I was losing myself. In the end, I found that it is best to be myself, in the next process.

...

[ Toshiya ]

►Opportunity to Start Playing Bass

Toshiya: Originally, I just wanted to be a guitarist, but I didn't think I could play very well. At that time, I was thinking about what to do, and then I was attracted to the bass. I felt like I could see my future. Toshiya: There are many people who are called "Guitar Heroes", but few people remember "Bass Heroes". That means there is still room for me to develop, so I thought I would play bass.

►Memories of the Band Formation

Toshiya: When our band first formed, four members came to my hometown. It was winter and there was still snow on the ground. They all came from Kansai and rarely saw snow*. I was very impressed by how excited they were to see snow. (*Toshiya's hometown is Nagano. It is said that Toshiya's mother took the picture at the time and still keeps it at home in Nagano :D → TOSHIYA AT JOE YOKOMIZO CHANNEL 4th FEB TRANSLATION/NOTES 2/4)

►Favorite Artists

Toshiya: I like painting. Vincent van Gogh and Francis Bacon, I like both of them very much. The world of painting is usually a mixture of truth and fiction.

►Opportunity to Start the Apparel Brand

(*Screen caption: Fashion brand with Toshiya as creative director - DIRT) Toshiya: I think music and fashion are inseparable and both are very attractive. Music should be free to express itself, and in the same way, fashion should be free, too. Toshiya: When it comes to expressing oneself, everyone chooses what is acceptable to most people*. I don't like that, I think we should listen to our own thoughts more. (*Toshiya used the word "migimuke migi, 右向け右")

►Influence on the Band

Toshiya: Even if I'm designing clothes, I end up having something to do with music. Although this is a completely different field, it will eventually return to music and bands.

...

[ 京 Kyo ]

►The Person You Admire

Kyo: There are a lot of them. Now I'm not just targeting one person. When I was young, there were a lot of senpais that I wanted to become like them. But it's been more than 20 years, so now I don't take them as a target, just be myself.

►Interested Artists

Kyo: Haven't there "Kimetsu no Yaiba (鬼滅の刃)" recently? I haven't read it yet, it's super popular, isn't it? Generally speaking, if the sales are so good, it is difficult to end the series, right? There will be a variety of entanglements, such as the life afterwards, there are many to consider. Kyo: I think it's great to end the series like this, to end it at this time, with a sense of strength and determination. So if there is a follow-up manga in the future, I would like to read it.

►Opportunity to Start Solo Project

(*Screen caption: Kyo founded the rock band "sukekiyo" in 2013.) Kyo: The things I want to do often keep popping up. I think it's a shame not to do it, and I don't want to regret it.

►Influence on the Band

Kyo: I don't think so, but I feel less stressed (after the solo project). People who like DIR EN GREY say to me, "Don't bring sukekiyo to DIR EN GREY!" Sometimes people say that, and I'm not going to do that. Kyo: I was asked why (I want to form a sukekiyo), "Diru can do it, right?" It's because I can't do it (in Diru) that I want to do it! I don't know what criteria they used to say that Diru can do it, but I didn't do what I could do (in Diru). If you finish what you want to do one by one, you will be less stressed out.

(To be continued…)

--- --- ---

part 1. & part 2. & part4.

topics & time marks

中文翻譯 (My Blogger) part 1. & part 2. & part 3.

#dir en grey #kaoru #薰 #kyo #京 #die #toshiya #shinya #interview #interview 2020 #translations #video translation #diru translation #translation by yinfu #diru wowow 2020 #WOWOW interview #long post

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