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sineala · 3 years

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How would you say fandom culture has changed over the years? What are some differences you notice between older and younger fandom folks?

I’ve been thinking for a while about how to answer this, and I’m not sure I have a really good answer, but I’m going to try.

I’ve been in fandom since approximately 1995. Maybe 1994. At that point, the world wide web was a relatively new part of the internet, and the fandoms I was in had most of their activity on privately-hosted mailing lists (predating eGroups/OneList/Yahoo Groups) and on Usenet newsgroups, with fiction beginning to be available on websites as part of either fandom-specific or pairing-specific archives as well as authors’ individual pages. Fanfiction.net did not yet exist. LiveJournal did not exist. AO3 definitely did not exist. If you wanted real-time chat, there was IRC. I was coming in basically at the tail end of zine fandom; zines were no longer the only way of distributing fanfiction, as fandom started to move online. So I have a selection of zines from 90s-era Western media fandoms but even by then zines weren’t where I was doing most of my reading.

I think in terms of generally “what it was like to be in fandom,” the big-picture stuff hasn’t changed. Fandom still produces creative fanwork and likes to, y’know, get together and talk about fandom. Also, almost every fight or complaint that fandom has about something is a thing that has been going on for actual years. People complain that, say, the kudos button is ruining comment culture because back in the LJ days the only way you could comment on a story was, well, by leaving an actual comment, or sending an email on a mailing list, and this might mean that people who would have otherwise commented have left a kudos instead. But back in the LJ and mailing list days, people were complaining that commenting was going downhill since the days of zines, when in order to comment on a story you had to write a real paper letter and mail it and because you had to do that, the quality of feedback was so much better than you got nowadays because people could just dash off a quick email or comment. You get the idea. Top/bottom wars are not new either. Pairing wars are not new. If you’ve been in fandom a while, you will pretty much have seen all the fights already. I think one thing that is new, though, is the fandom awareness of things like privilege and intersectionality and various -isms, as well as things like “providing warnings might be nice” (do you know how much unwarned deathfic I have read? a lot!) and I sure won’t say we’re perfect at any of this now, but I think fandom is trying way way more about all that stuff than it used to.

There are some fights we actually don’t have anymore, as far as I can tell. I feel like it’s been years since I’ve seen the “real person fiction is wrong” battle, but also I don’t hang out in a whole lot of RPF fandoms, so it’s possible that’s still going and I just don’t see it.

There also used to be a recurring debate about whether gay relationships that were canonical were slash or not. When slash started, obviously this wasn’t a question because there weren’t canonical gay relationships in fandoms, period. But as gay characters began to appear in media, people started to wonder “does slash mean all same-sex relationships, or does slash mean only non-canonical same-sex relationships?” Now, you may be reading this and think that sounds like an incredibly weird thing to get hung up on, but that’s because what appears to have happened is that the term “ship” (originally from X-Files Mulder/Scully fandom) has, as far as I can tell, come up and eaten most of the rest of the terminology. Now people will just say, “oh, I ship that.” For any pairing, gay or not, canonical or not. Fandom seems to have decided that for the most part it no longer actually needs a term specific to same-sex relationships as a genre.

Similarly, there are a few genres of fic that we used to have also pretty much don’t exist anymore. There are also plenty of genres that are well-entrenched now that are also extremely recent -- A/B/O comes to mind. But there are some kinds of fic we don’t write a lot of now. Like, I haven’t seen smarm in years! I also haven’t seen We’re Not Gay We Just Love Each Other in a while. There was also a particular style of slash writing where you’d basically have to explain, in detail, what made you think that these particular characters could be anything other than straight. You’d have to motivate this decision. You’d have to look at their canonical heterosexual relationships and come up with a way to explain why all those had happened in order to reconcile how this one guy could have romantic feelings for another guy. When had he figured out he wasn’t straight? Who might he have been with before? How does he interact with people in ways that make you think he’s not straight? That kind of thing. You had to, essentially, show your work. And these days a lot of fanfic is just like, “Okay, Captain America is bisexual, let’s go!” It’s... different.

Fandom also used to skew older, is my sense. A lot older. I don’t know, actually, if it really was older, but I get the sense now that there are some younger people who are surprised that adults are still in fandom. I have seen people saying these days that they think they’re too old for fanfiction because they are not in middle school anymore. And I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that the barriers to access fandom are a lot lower than they used to be. You used to basically have to be an adult with disposable income (or know an adult with disposable income who was willing to help you out; but even then if you were reading explicit fiction you also had to swear you were 18+, usually by sending in an age statement to whoever you were buying the zine from or to the mods of the list you wanted to join, so a lot of fandom was very much age-gated). Internet access was not widely available. Even if you had internet access, you maybe didn’t have your own email address, so you couldn’t sign up for mailing lists; free email providers didn’t exist. If you wanted to buy zines, you had to have money to buy them. If you wanted to go to cons, you had to be able to afford the cost of the con, travel to the con, et cetera. If you wanted to have a website you had to know HTML. Social media did not exist. You want to draw art? Guess what, you’re probably drawing it on paper! You might be able to upload a picture to your website if you have a digital camera or a scanner, but both of those things are expensive, and also a lot of people don’t have the capability or the money to download pictures from the internet (some people have data caps with overage charges, and some people have text-only connections!), so they won’t get to see it. Maybe you can sell your piece at a con! You want to make a fanvid? We called them songvids, but, anyway, you know how you’re doing that? You’re going to hook two VCRs together and smash the play and record buttons very fast! If you want anyone else to watch them, you are either making them a tape personally and mailing it to them or bringing your vids to a convention. Maybe you can digitize them and upload them, but it’s going to take people hours to download them!

(Every three hours my ISP would kick me off the internet and I’d have to dial in again. If it was a busy time of day, it might take me 20 or 30 minutes to get a connection again. And that was assuming no one else in the house needed to use the phone line. Imagine if your modem went out every three hours now.)

And now, for the cost of my internet connection, I can read pretty much whatever fanfiction I want, whenever I want it. I can see all the fanart I want! I can watch vids! Podfic exists now! Fanmixes exist! Gifsets and moodboards exist! If I want to write fic I can write it with programs that are completely free, and as soon as I post it everyone in the entire world can read it. If I want to draw or make vids that may require some additional investment, but I may also be able to do it with things I already have. Do you have any idea how good we all have it?

There are a couple of kinds of fan activity that don’t seem to exist anymore, though, and I miss them. I know that roleplaying still goes on, but I feel like these days most people who do real-time text roleplay have switched to things like Discord. I know that in the LJ days, RP communities were popular. But I really miss MU*s (MUDs, MUSHes, MOOs, MUXes..), which were servers for real-time text-based RP with a bunch of... hmm... features to aid RP. There were virtual rooms with text descriptions, and objects in virtual rooms with descriptions, and your character had a description, and they could interact with the objects as well as with other characters, and you could program things to change descriptions or emit various kinds of text or take you to different rooms, and so on. Just to, y’know, enhance the atmosphere. It was fun and it was where I learned to RP and I’m sad they’re pretty much gone now.

I also don’t think I see a lot of fanfiction awards in fandoms. Wonder where they went.

Going back to the previous point, the barriers to actually consuming the canon you are fannish about are way, way, way lower now. You can pretty much take it for granted that if right now someone tells you about a shiny new fandom, there will be a way to read that book or watch that show or movie right now. Possibly for free! Of course you can watch it! Why wouldn’t you be able to?

This was absolutely, absolutely not the case before. I’m currently in Marvel Comics fandom. If there is a comic I want to read, I can read it right now on the internet. I have subscribed to Marvel Unlimited and I can read pretty much every comic that is older than three months old; the newer ones cost extra money. But I can do it all from the comfort of my own home right now. I was also, actually, in Marvel Comics fandom in the nineties. If I wanted to read a comic, I had to go to a comic book store and hope they had it in stock; if they didn’t, I had to try another store. Not a lot of comics were available in trade paperback and they definitely weren’t readable on the internet. I used to read a lot of Gambit h/c fic set after Uncanny X-Men #350. I never found a copy of UXM #350. I still haven’t! But I did eventually read it on Unlimited.

Being in TV show fandoms also had similar challenges. Was the show you were watching still on the air? No? Then you’d better hope you could find it in reruns, or know someone who had tapes of it that they could copy for you, otherwise you weren’t watching that show. It was, I think, pretty common for people to be in fandoms for shows they hadn’t seen, because they had no way to see the show, but they loved all the fanfic. The Sentinel had a whole lot of fans like that, both because I think it took a while for it to end up in reruns and because overseas distribution was probably poor. So you’d get people who read the fic and wrote fic based on the other fic they’d read, which meant that you got massive, massive amounts of fanon appearing that people just assumed was in the show because it was a weirdly specific detail that appeared in someone’s fic once. Like “Jim and Blair’s apartment has a small water heater” (not actually canonical) or “Blair is a vegetarian” (there’s an episode where his mother visits and IIRC cooks him one of his favorite meals, which is beef tongue).

Like, I was in The Professionals fandom for years. I read all the fic. I hadn’t seen the show. As far as I know, it never aired in the US, and it certainly never had any kind of US VHS or DVD release. I’d seen a couple songvids. I eventually saw a couple episodes in maybe 2003, and that was because my dad special-ordered a commercial VHS tape from the UK and paid someone to convert it from PAL to NTSC. I didn’t get to see the whole show until several years later when I got a region-free DVD player someone in fandom sent me burned copies of the UK DVD releases and then I special-ordered the commercial release of the DVDs from the UK myself. But if I were a new fan and wanted to watch Pros right now? It is on YouTube! For free!

I think also one of the things about fandom that’s not immediately evident to new fans is the way in which it is permanent and/or impermanent. There are probably people whose first fannish experience is on Tumblr or who only read fanfic on FFN and who have no idea what they would do if either site, say, just shut down. But if you’ve been in fandom a while, you’ve been through, say, Discord, Tumblr, Twitter, Pillowfort, Imzy, DW, JournalFen, LJ, GeoCities, IRC, mailing lists. And sure, if Tumblr closed, it would be inconvenient. But fandom would pack up and move somewhere else. You would find it again. It would, eventually, be okay. Similarly, if you’ve been in a lot of fandoms, if you’ve made a lot of friends, drifting through fandoms is like that. You’ll make a friend in 1998 because you were in the same fandom, and then you might go your own ways, and ten years later you might be in another fandom with them again! It happens.

But the flip side of that is that I think a lot of older fans have learned not to trust in the permanence of any particular site. If you like a story, you save it as soon as you read it. If you like a piece of art, you save it. If you like a vid, you save it. Because you don’t know when the site it’s on will be gone for good. I have, like, twenty years of lovingly-curated fanfic. And I feel like people who have only been in fandom since AO3 existed might not understand how much AO3 is a game-changer compared to what we had before. It’s a site where you can put your fic up and you don’t have to worry that the webhost is going out of business, or that the site might delete your work because they don’t allow gay fiction or explicit fiction or fiction written in second person or fiction for fandoms where the creator doesn’t like fanfiction, or whatever. Because all of those things have absolutely happened. But, I mean, I still save pretty much everything I like, even on AO3, just in case.

So, basically, yeah, fandom is a whole lot more accessible than it used to be. I think fandom is pretty much still fandom, but it’s a lot easier to get into, and that has made it way more open to people who wouldn’t have been able to be in fandom before. There is so, so much more now than there ever was before, and I think that’s great.

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jxstadaydreamer · 3 years

Text

lucky ones

(gif from this gifset by @pikayeollie)

Pairing: Park Chanyeol x Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Word count: 1222

Warnings: stress breakdown, self doubting

Summary: Chanyeol was excited to spend some time with you but this wasn't what he was expecting to come home to..

Author's note: This was the result of a bad day and I just really needed some comfort. Who better to get it from than our big friendly giant? I wanted to switch things up a little and test my ability to write something other than smut so please let me know what you think! Feedback is always welcomed :)

Chanyeol was excited to finally go home. He knew he’d been neglecting you a little and he was excited to finally have a decent amount of time off now that they had finished their promotions. He had dropped by the convenience store to pick up your favourite snacks, drinks and even some ice cream. He was ready for a night in, just cuddling and watching Disney movies. He expected to come home to you, chilling in the lounge or snuggled up in bed binging your favourite tv show. He could imagine you looking extra cosy and comfortable, hair up in a messy bun, fresh faced and usually dressed in his hoodie because you said it saved you from having to wear pants. He laughed at the thought as he was pulling into the parking lot.

He opened the door to your shared apartment and found...darkness? He stopped for a second, a little confused because you didn’t mention having plans to be out tonight. Glancing over at the shoe rack, he could see that all your shoes were there and your slippers weren’t so you had to be home. Maybe you had gone to bed? He closes the door and unlocks his phone to check the time. No, you wouldn’t be asleep yet. You were too much of a night owl to fall asleep at this hour. He makes his way into the kitchen to put the bags of food down and switches on the light which casts its glow into the living room and that’s when he noticed you were sitting there on the couch.

“Oh my god, you scared me.” he jumped and rubbed his chest to calm down his racing heart. But you didn’t answer. “Baby?” he calls out. You didn’t answer so he tries again.

“Y/n, can you hear me?” he asks worriedly as he starts walking over to where you were seated.

When he rounds the sofa, that’s when he sees the blank stare in your eyes but the streaming tears down your face. The way you had wrapped your arms around your knees which were curled up to your chest.

“Hey, what’s wrong? What happened? Are you okay?” he shoots out as he pulls you into his lap, tucking your head under his jaw and stroking your back attempting to soothe you.

You still hadn’t answered him but began breaking into small sobs. He hushed you and hugged you tighter as you cried.

“Shh, it’s okay. I’m here now. I’m here. I’m with you.”

Soon he could hear your sobs start to die down, your body relaxing a little and your breathing slowed too. You even hugged him back now.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked in a calm voice. A voice that you could tell was trying to hide how worried he was so you wouldn’t feel bad about making him worry.

“No...not really. It’s nothing.” you replied in a small whisper.

“It’s not nothing if it made you cry like that Y/n. I haven’t seen you like that in a long time.” he says as he tilts your chin up to inspect your eyes.

You can see the worry swimming in his irises and you look away, not being able to hold the intensity of his gaze.

“It’s silly. It’s just me over-thinking everything. Again. Don’t worry, I’ll get over it.”

“How about you talk to me about it and I’ll tell you if it’s silly or not?”

“But I know it’s silly. It’s embarrassing.”

“Just talk to me, baby. I’m here for you to unload on. No matter how big or small the problem is. I promise you’ll feel better after you do.”

“I just-..” you say as you try to gather your thoughts. “I just don’t know what I’m doing anymore? I feel like I’m always so busy and doing so much but at the same time I’m doing nothing.”

You look at him to gauge his reaction towards the nonsense you just spurted out but he says nothing, just lovingly looks back at you and nods, telling you to continue.

You sigh. “I just don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I feel like..I’m going nowhere. I just feel like I’m a useless existence. I don’t even know why you love me sometimes.”

“Hey, look at me.” He cups your face, turning you to look at him and he kisses you. “I love you always, everything about you. I love how you love me and how you love everyone around you. You’re so caring and you always know just what to say or do to make us feel better. I love how you always support all my dreams and my ridiculous ideas. I love how you’re so understanding about me working all the time, even when it makes you cry because you miss me. I know because I can see the little patch of wetness your tears leave on your pillow and you’re holding my pillow. But even when you’re lonely, you never complain because you don’t want me to feel bad.”

You hug him a little tighter and nuzzle your face into his neck. He chuckles and kisses the top of your head.

“I like the silly little things you don’t even know that you do too. Like the little wiggly dance you do when you eat something good. The way you jump in your sleep from a bad dream and your hands fly out searching for me. And then you let out a happy little sigh and smile. I like-”

“Stop. You’re embarrassing me.”

He laughs at you. “Do you feel better now?”

“Embarrassed. But yeah, a little better. Thank you.”

“I’m glad. But don’t worry, okay? You’re doing great. You’re just stressed because you’re not looking at the big picture. All the efforts you’re making now will get you where you want to go. It’ll be worth it. I’m always so proud of you, my little one.”

“Everyone’s little to you when you’re a giant.” you mutter. “Thank you, Yeol. I love you.”

“You’re definitely feeling better if you can manage some sass.” he laughs, “I love you too, please don’t ever forget that, okay?”

You nod and smile at him.

“Okay, how about some Disney? I’ll let you pick. I even got all your favorite snacks.”

“It’s already kinda late though, don’t you have more schedules tomorrow? You should get some rest or you’ll give the makeup artists a hard time covering up your panda eyes.”

“Nope. We’re done with promotions! Today was officially our last one so you have me to yourself for a while. I made sure no one would bother me unless it was urgent.” he beams at you. “Now, let me go get changed and I’ll bring the snacks. Pick something for us to watch.” He kisses you and slides you off his lap to get up.

You giggle when you see him trip over his own feet and he turns around to glare at you but smiles right after. You watch him walk down the hallway and turn back to think to yourself how lucky you are to have him. Little did you know, he was unable to wipe the smile off his face while thinking about how he was the lucky one to have you.

#park chanyeol x reader #chanyeol x reader #chanyeol angst #chanyeol fluff #chanyeol one shot #chanyeol scenarios #chanyeol imagines #chanyeol fanfic #exo x reader #exo angst #exo fluff #exo one shot #exo scenarios #exo imagines #exo fanfic

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sugarandspace · 3 years

Text

Some of us are human (Sterek)

(posted on AO3 under the pseud aconitum)

Summary: While researching the newest threat with Stiles, Derek comes across a box under Stiles' bed. The box has the words "open when I'm dead" written on it and for a moment Derek forgets how to breathe.

Word count: 2,446

Warnings: for a moment Derek thinks Stiles might be suicidal (he's not), there's also talk about death (but no one dies) and a mention of the nogitsune and the darkness inside Stiles

A/N: check out this beautiful gifset made by my talented friend @sparkandwolf who also helped me with the fic!! 💙

Read on AO3

Stiles’ desk lamp is a little too bright for Derek’s liking and he’s sure it’s going to give him a headache soon. Maybe Stiles would be okay with switching places. Derek looks at the bed where Stiles has been sitting with his laptop. The bed is full of printed out articles and notes Stiles has been taking and Derek doesn’t dare touch them in fear that he’s going to mess up the other man’s organized chaos. He’s going to have to ask him once he comes back from the bathroom.

Stiles is back in Beacon Hills for the winter break and they are at Stiles’ researching the newest creature that has arrived in the town. The amount of books and notebooks and other sources Stiles has on his bookshelf is honestly impressive, and they hope they can find something that could tell them what they are up against.

One of the scrolls - yes scrolls, Derek has no idea where Stiles has found scrolls - falls from the desk when Derek turns to face it again. It rolls under Stiles’ bed and Derek gets up from the desk chair to kneel on the floor so he can see under the bed and can see where it rolled. It’s not far and he can easily reach it.

Just as he’s about to get back up, he notices an old shoe box under Stiles’ bed. It’s not what catches his attention, there are plenty of things under the younger man’s bed, but what makes him stop and stare at the box are the words written on the side of it, bold black letters in Stiles’ handwriting:

OPEN WHEN I’M DEAD

Derek stares at the box for a moment, feeling like his whole world has come to a halt. When he’s able to move he pulls the box from under the bed and sits more comfortably on the floor, bringing the box to his lap. He doesn’t even stop to think if it’s okay before he opens the lid and looks into the box.

Privacy be damned, if Stiles is planning on dying he needs to know everything.

Derek knows that some darkness still lingers inside of Stiles from when he, Scott, and Allison died for a moment a few years ago when they were trying to save their parents. The same darkness that made him vulnerable to the nogitsune. A darkness that will never completely go away.

But Derek didn’t know that it was affecting him this deeply. Was Stiles suicidal? The thought makes his heart race in panic.

What he finds from the box makes his eyebrows furrow. The box has three light blue envelopes in it, each of them addressed to someone. The first one is for the Sheriff, the second one for Scott, and the third one is for... Derek?

It’s in that moment that Stiles walks back to the room. Derek had been so distracted by the box he hadn’t even heard him walk up the stairs. Derek looks up from the envelope he’s holding - the one with his name written on in Stiles’ handwriting - and can easily see the moment Stiles realises what he’s holding.

Stiles’ hand goes to the back of his neck in a nervous manner and he tries to laugh, but it comes out weak.

“So you found those,” he says. “Neat.”

The situation is very far from neat and Derek doesn’t know what to say. He’s not good with serious conversations and to be honest the flippant tone Stiles is going for grates Derek’s nerves, because this is a serious topic and Stiles’ isn’t allowed to make fun of it.

“What are these?” his tone comes out accusing now that he’s gotten over the shock of finding the letters.

“Listen,” Stiles starts and lets out a deep sigh as he leans against the doorframe, giving up instead of trying to argue. “I’ve seen things - I’ve done things no 20-year-old should ever have to have done. Is it really so unreasonable for me to be prepared for the unfortunate but very possible situation where some supernatural creature will eventually shoot me or maim me or cast me under a curse that no one will be able to break? I don’t have supernatural healing properties. Let’s be real, I’m lucky to still be alive.”

At some point during his speech Stiles had gotten defensive and even though he’s wrapped his arms around his chest in a protective manner Derek can hear his heart beat faster than normal beneath his ribs. Derek can smell hints of embarrassment in the air, but it’s paired with determination. Stiles really does believe in what he’s saying.

And it breaks Derek’s heart.

He’s gone through his own share (and a little more) of bad things in his life, and he knows very well how dangerous the supernatural world can be. But it still hurts somewhere deep in his chest to hear the words Stiles is saying. In no small part because he knows it’s true. Stiles’ mind and soul might be as tough as that of a strong werewolf, but his human body is fragile.

“And I’m part of the reason you’re a part of this world,” Derek says. He doesn’t mean to say it out loud but he can’t help it when the realisation comes to him.

Stiles walks over to him and sits on the floor as well, taking the letter from Derek’s hands and putting it back to the box, which he pushes back under the bed. Derek wants to say that it’s a bit too late for the whole “out of sight, out of mind” thing and that box is probably going to come to haunt Derek’s dreams in the following nights, but he stays quiet.

“No,” Stiles says. It’s short and sure and he makes sure Derek is looking him in the eyes before he continues. “You stop that right now. I won’t let you blame yourself for this. You know what got me into this world? My curiosity. It was my choice to go looking for a body in the woods in the middle of the night, my choice to keep hanging with Scott when he became a werewolf. It’s been, and always will be, my choice to accompany you all to your battles. My choice. I’m aware of all the risks. I don’t regret learning about the supernatural. Ignorance might be bliss but knowledge keeps me safe. That way I can protect myself and the people I care about.”

Derek doesn't know what to say to that. He’s suddenly hit with how much Stiles has grown in the past few years. He’s gone through a lot and he’s not as carefree as he used to be, but this life hasn’t turned him cold. There’s humor and sarcasm in hard places but there’s also wisdom and strength.

“Do you understand me?” Stiles asks. His voice has gone softer now, the determination has made room for gentleness, for the need to be understood.

“Yeah,” Derek replies. He does.

“Those letters are just in case,” Stiles says and looks towards the bed where the box is once again hidden beneath it. “I don’t want anything to be left unsaid if I’m taken from here too soon.”

That sparks a question in Derek, one he’s not sure if he should voice. He understands the letter for the sheriff and he understands the one for Scott. The sheriff is Stiles’ father and Scott is like a brother to him. But Derek? They’ve gotten far from when Stiles accused him of murder and he mainly communicated with threats and glares. They’ve become good friends. But Derek doesn’t see a letter for Lydia or Liam or Isaac. There’s something Stiles wants to tell him that he feels like he can’t say to his face. Something important. In the end the curiosity wins and he asks, “What do you want to say to me?”

Stiles’ eyes widen.

“I think I’d rather wait until I’m dead,” he says and goes to get up but Derek takes a hold of his wrist.

“I want to know now,” he says gently. He feels nervous and he hopes Stiles doesn’t notice that his hands are sweating a little.

Stiles looks uncomfortable when he sits back down.

“Don’t make me wrestle you to get to that letter,” Derek threatens, only half-serious.

“You wouldn’t,” Stiles says and narrows his eyes at Derek. Still, Derek notices how he angles himself slightly more between Derek and the box.

He wouldn’t. Stiles is allowed to have secrets, no matter how much Derek would want to know.

“Obviously you don’t have to,” Derek says. “But I’d really like to know. It’s clearly something important if you’d want me to know in case you died.”

Just saying that - of talking about the possibility that Stiles might die anytime soon - makes Derek’s stomach twist uncomfortably. He cares about the other man more than he’s cared about anyone in a while, more than is probably acceptable to care about someone who’s only supposed to be your friend, even if said friend is also your packmate.

“It might ruin everything,” Stiles warns, but Derek can see that he’s warming up to telling him.

“You don’t know that.”

“Oh, I’m pretty sure I do,” Stiles says and tries to laugh, but it comes out flat.

It might be unfair but Derek uses his senses to get a better read on Stiles. When he breathes in the other man’s scent, among the nervousness he can smell a hint of longing, and a little bit of hope finds its way to Derek’s heart.

Could it be possible that the feelings he has for Stiles were reciprocated? Derek tries not to let the hope grow too much. He’s tried so hard to keep those feelings buried as deep as he could, knowing that Stiles deserves better than him. It’s easier to do that when he imagines that Stiles would never want to be more than friends with him.

“I won’t force you,” Derek tells him honestly. “But I’d like to know.”

Stiles looks at him for a long time, probably weighing his options. It’s clear that he wants to tell Derek, wants to believe that nothing would change, but the fear is persistent.

“Can you honestly say that you’ll be okay with never hearing my answer?” Derek tries, and that seems to do it for Stiles.

“I like you,” he blurts out in a similar way Stiles often blurts things, only this time instead of rushing to talk more Stiles freezes in fear like he’s waiting for something bad to happen.

Derek doesn’t know what to say because Stiles’ words leave room for interpretation. Derek can’t know for sure if Stiles means it the way Derek hopes or if he means it in a way he does when he talks about the fries from the local diner. Though, as Derek thinks about it, Stiles wouldn’t be so scared to admit it if his feelings were platonic.

Stiles has been brave and he’s meeting Derek half-way, it’s only fair Derek takes the remaining step to meet him there.

“I like you too,” he says.

Stiles, it turns out, doesn’t hesitate to ask refining questions.

“You mean like… like-like, don’t you?” He asks, not giving Derek time to reply before he’s rambling on, obviously nervous. “Because otherwise this is embarrassing. Oh god, I should have waited until after I die. Is it too late for that? Because Derek if you’re not going to say anything anytime soon I might really die. Death by embarrassment, a new way to go but I bet no one who knows me would be surprised to hear that Stiles Stilinski was the first one to die of embarrassment. I can already see the headstone. Here lies Stiles Sti-”

Stiles doesn’t get to finish because Derek leans in and kisses him. Derek’s been dreaming about this moment many times, has hoped that he could stop the other man from rambling by kissing him speechless, and now he finally can.

It’s better than he dreamed.

Stiles’ lips are soft and he returns the kiss as soon as his brain catches up with the situation. The kiss is tentative, just a touch of lips, but somehow it feels like something huge.

“Oh wow,” Stiles says when they pull away from each other.

When Derek opens his eyes Stiles is still really close, and he smiles when Stiles’ hand comes up to gingerly touch his jaw. Derek wants to tell him that he’s not going to break, but he doesn’t remember the last time someone has touched him so gently. He leans into the touch and smiles.

“Oh wow,” Stiles repeats. “I think you broke me.”

“I’m sorry?” Derek says, to which Stiles snorts.

“You’re forgiven,” he says and leans in to kiss Derek again. This time the kiss turns deeper, more sure now that they both know to expect it.

The hand Stiles has on his jaw turns surer while the other one comes up to Derek’s shoulder. Derek crosses another thing from his list-of-things-he’s-dreamt-of-doing and buries one of his hands into Stiles’ hair and yes - it’s just as soft as he’s imagined. The other hand rests on Stiles’ thigh for balance.

“ Back to what I said earlier ,” Stiles says when they pull away for air. “ Learning about the supernatural side of the world has brought a lot of danger and bad things in my life. But it has also brought you into my life, and I’m really grateful for that. I wouldn’t change anything. If I were to be given a time machine, I wouldn’t go back. Or maybe I would, just a little, so I could do this sooner and we could spend more time kissing because holy hell if I’d known how you reply I would have spoken so much earlier .”

Derek rolls his eyes and takes Stiles by the chin to drag him to another kiss which effectively shuts him up.

“Is this going to be a new thing?” Stiles asks when he pulls back. “You shutting me up with your kisses?”

Derek doesn’t reply with words, but he does kiss Stiles again and that is a reply in itself.

“Okay no talking,” Stiles says when Derek lets his lips go.

“You are talking,” Derek points out as he gets closer again, unable to get enough of kissing Stiles now that he can finally do it.

“Shutting up now,” Stiles says, the words brushing against Derek’s lips before they are kissing again.

This time Stiles really does stay quiet. They get lost in each other, their crazy world and research forgotten around them.

#sterek #derek hale #stiles stilinski #teen wolf #sterek fanfiction #my writing #i'm slowly but surely posting these in here too

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freddieslater · 3 years

Note

oh god oh fuck i’m on s7 e12 send help

literally why is the whole thing of ryan working in the stables so wholesome help

ok i know i said i wanted to kill mr dumbleby more than any other person ever but i stand corrected, i would kill ryan and chloe’s mum in a heartbeat if given the opportunity

to be honest, ryan’s little rampage of annoying everyone and ruining everything so they’ll help him leave is… kinda out of character? i mean they’ve made it clear he thinks everyone hates him anyway, what’s the point making them hate him even more? although he doesn’t do things by halves so i guess it’s vaguely in character. plus it was kinda funny

TYLER AND RYAN OH MY GOD- those gay idiots will be the death of me i swear

oh my god i forgot how forced everyone’s making ryan look good is. i know it’s supposed to be funny but it is n o t

god, despite all of that this episode fucking kills me. i’m saying ‘ryan and chloe’s mum’ very loosely because she is absolutely not a mum. that bitch really deserves to just be thrown off a cliff or something wOW-

aaaghhhh i forgot how much ryan and tyler content there is in this episode. my hEART-

oh my god there is some bad green screen in this episode i didn’t notice before, i guess they had to reshoot ryan’s conversation with his mum outside the old apartment? because that green screen is r o u g h

ngl if this episode had gone in a different direction and their mum had ended up falling out that same window in a wonderful twist of fate i would not be angry. cbbc are COWARDS

*overanalysing mode activated* that moment where she suddenly changes her tune and goes all ‘fresh start’, i bet she thought he was recording her, because that’s also exactly how they portray it every time someone in this show realises they’re being recorded

i honestly kinda look forward to jody leaving because i bet she’ll have a heartfelt leaving conversation with may-li and the parallels i’ll draw between that and ryan’s with mike will be i c o n i c

fucking r y a n m a n. and now i can’t take this seriously anymore because that was such a stupid fucking nickname oh my god-

oh my god i forgot how much i hate the whole ‘the real ryan’ thing. that’s- not how anything works? bitch is mentally ill, that doesn’t suddenly get cured because he stood up to his mum. but that last scene with him walking the horse is pretty wholesome i guess

literally i have to make a gifset comparing moments in this episode to his scenes in previous episodes because there’s so many good parallels?? although i may have to also include him lying that someone’s breaking into the car in his first episode vs him breaking into mikes car to steal the files. that ones my favourite

Oh god. I feel like you did not survive this.

It is extremely wholesome, and I wished he could have seen more of him with those horses. Just seeing him so happy coming back from the stables was so sweet and cute.

Oh yeah, Ryan and Chloe's mum is one of the worst characters on that show.

I think in his mind, he couldn't be sure they'd help him leave if he made it clear that's what he wanted to do, so he had to make sure they had a good enough reason to absolutely want him gone for good. Hence why he ruined all of their stuff. To me, it was perfectly in character and, as you said, hilarious.

God, yeah, it was so forced lmao. Other than Tyler wanting to help Ryan, THAT KILLED ME. When he saw that Ryan had overheard Jody saying she didn't want to help him?? The way he immediately went over to assure him that she would anyway, that he'd make sure he got what he wanted. He was the only one who actually wanted Ryan to be happy!

Yeah, their mum definitely does not deserve to be anywhere near them.

The Ryan/Tyler content is beautiful and that episode was a blessing for it.

THANK YOU. I kept wondering WHY that scene was so badly green-screened?? They clearly filmed some of the episode on that street already, why couldn't they just have reshot it as many times as they needed so that they didn't have to greenscreen it??

As much as I agree with you, I don't think CBBC wanted to traumatize a bunch of kids the way they already did with Eastenders. (I will never be over Bradley's death. Horrifying. Cried for hours as a child.) And also poor Ryan would have been extra traumatized and possibly blamed again!

You're probably right about why she suddenly switched attitude, actually. It's exactly what Ryan has done before, and it was done the exact same way as that. God, that kills me.

Nah, I cannot even consider Jody leaving because I will bawl my eyes out and probably just refuse to watch the show for a whole year. I know the heartfelt conversation with May-Li will be beautiful, and there will probably be many heartwrenching goodbyes, and they might even do in a way that makes me cry as much as I did when Tyler left, but I just cannot handle it. Do not want it.

Yeah, as soon as they say "Ryanman" the serious tone is lost forever.

And yeah, standing up to his mum does not curse his mental illnesses. Would be very nice of them to maybe, I don't know, actually get him proper help? Counseling, like they're doing with Jody? Just a thought. Oh, and him walking the horse!!

That is a good idea and a good parallel.

#ds-umbrella-manufacturing-co #ask away earthlings!#tdg #the dumping ground #ryan reeves #tyler lewis #ryan x tyler #jody jackson

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x-exo · 3 years

Note

*slides into your asks with a rose in my mouth* why hello, tis me!

Apologies for the long wait but your favorite long asks anon is here and OOF so much has happened. Let us break it down one by one lol

Monsta x our beans, welp we can officially say we are army wives for them because shownu is now at the military and just welp this feels weird lol. I lowkey forgot he was meant to enlist so when the news came out I went through so many emotions. Its why the latest comeback feels a bit bittersweet to me. It is their BEST for sure and for this year, I agree so to not see him perform right before he left is a bit sad. I don't blame him of course (if anyone does i am fish slapping you) but just a shame. I'm happy we do get content with him still? Seems pre-planned so that is nice!

Onto legends exo, fantastic comeback. I cannot stop listening to the album, its just bops full of bops to me. They broke so many records and I'm over here sipping my tea because fudge yes. It isn't a full member comeback, 2 of the members featured in the comeback are off playing call of duty and they still did THAT. While having lay properly in the comeback!? (Or at least some form, better than tempo era!) Kyungsoo my beloved, the man that can swoon you off your feet, his proper solo album. Omg I am just in love? The album feels like a Playlist that you hear while taking a walk or on a raodtrip? I love it, I just love everything about this with how much thought was given. It makes me feel warm and I'm so proud of him (I think he even got a first win) but sadly xiumin got the it shall not be named virus D: I feel so bad and I can only hope he gets better! It makes me worried because I keep seeing more and more idols getting sick and I can't help but wonder why don't the kpop entertainment just put a pause with stuff? Of course that is VERY unrealistic, I am aware that is naive for me to think but its just so idk how to word it properly (my English brain is not working I am sorry) I cannot help the feeling of while I get people are being safe and yes we need to still live like normal beings, is it worth risking idols health just for some entertainment? Idk how to explain my thoughts properly but maybe I hope I made sense!!

Onto svt! That is perfectly fine to not vibe with a comeback! I will admit, I didn't fully vibe with this comeback and it shocked me because every comeback was a hit to me. Even fear, left and right or homerun where I know many fans were split on, I liked but RTL was a grower. For me, listening to it without watching the mv, helped it alot and it is a song I like. Is it their best? No I don't think so but it is alright to say "hey I didn't bop to this, not my cup of tea" (imo I blame the mv? The mv REALLY didn't do the song justice at all, I am sorry if I sound like a fake fan but this mv Just is bad in all aspects. Sure we have some pretty shots but like it just doesn't fit at all?) So if anything listening to the song or wishing the live performances does it better. Seeing the choreography amps the song up more, cannot go wrong with their dancing. As for the rest of the songs, I admit game boy is my top favorite? Idk if it is because I am a gaming nerd and found all the production of the song so creative but yeah. We can wait for the next comeback! Svt always have something up their sleeves, plus we do have their music projects to look forward too (I wonder when we will get one? Seeing as RTL promotions stopped) some positive news with the boys is they resigned like a year before their contract ends and I'm a bit emotional :') I'm excited to see the boys future projects. We did have caratland recently! Did you watch it if I may ask? We did get in the soop confirmation so I'm excited to watch that, the boys deserve that nice break (even if it was filmed for a show fjsbsns)

Ok I think that is it for kpop updates? XD I do hope life has been treating you kindly! Life has been a bit all over the place sadly so I hope it wasn't like that for you as well! Until next time my bean!

hii!!!! omg sorry for the late reply i've been pretty busy these days 🙈

indeed so much has happened! and much more since you sent this ask omg!!

our shownu is at war *looks into the distance* *wipes away tear* *sighs* by now I got used to enlistment news (see what happens when you stan 2nd and 3rd gen groups) but STILL [[IT HURT]] when they uploaded the monchannel videos of his goodbye day like ????? what kind of twisted mind diuhdfuihdifuhs but the boys were all so cute and soft but they seemed so sad they didn't want to let go of their super leader :(( I hope he's learning lots and making new friends (and also we've got our international super spy yoo kihyun giving us small updates on him every now and then so everything's fine!). Yeah I totally get you it felt empty without him this comeback and at first it didn't really clicked with me but when the enlistment news came out i understood he had to take care of his health and thoroughly check on his eye sight in order to be 100% ready for the military so it made sense he had to be absent :( everything was so close (the comeback and enlistment) that I'm sure there was no other way for doing it I'm pretty sure he couldn't maybe postpone the enlistment day any further

onto exo! my ksoo my soft boi my romantic boi 🥺 his album is so him SO HIM i can't explain it bur it's just HIM you know it's the type of album you'd play on loop on a summer afternoon when you've taken your papers and paints outside in the garden to paint a bit with the warm soft breeze moving the trees lightly 🤧 and he signs in English and SPANISH (he did it for me) my multilingual king he's a native. Also I've been watching Honeymoon Tavern with Jongin these days and OMG i could d word for him really (if you haven's watched it go do it when you have time) he's SO SOFT and SO CUTE and he works as a waiter and a wedding planner and helps with the room preparations and is also a tour guide and he's just so cute so happy al the time the way he interacts with everyone is so 🥺🤧😭 onto more serious stuff now: yeah i was so worried about minseok catching covid omg but i'm glad he went through it with our any major complication and the rest of the boys are safe too! I guess the industry doesn't stop bc that would mean a huge loss of thousands and thousands of dollars/won/etc so as long as the gov doesn't prohibit going out or gathering like at the beginning of the pandemic, they'll keep on going with the idols' schedules otherwise the industry would just shut down having no way of earning money to sustain all the companies and idols.

as for seventeen! yeah i like the songs too! the mv sure ruined rtl and listening to it without watching it has really helped it grow on me more but still it feels kind of meh to me idk i really like anyone i think it's my favourite from the album. AND NOW WE'VE GOT A COMEBACK IN OCTOBER!!!! yayyyyy i can't wait they seem to be preparing very diligently (i hope they release a sexy bop) it's a shame junhao aren't gonna be present for this comeback but i'm soooooo happy they have the opportunity to visit their families again omg they have spent 2 whole years without seeing them in the flesh they must be so happy to get back to them again!!! it's so funny seeing them be bored at the quarantine hotel and doing lives every day duhdfiudhfiuh i hope it passes quickly and they can see their loved ones finally! and I did watch Caratland!! omg the unit switch song was the best thing ever hhu doing lilili yabbay and not being able to stop laughing idfuhdifuhs perf team doing chocolate and owning it????? hello??? performance team more like main vocal team wow! and the vocal team being a complete mess during check in lmaooo i loved it! In The Soop has finally started!!! I love these kind of "normal life" concepts I love seeing the boys being themselves cooking and relaxing I've watched the first and second eps as of today and also few clips from the third and omg mingyu and jeonghan drowning in the pond dfuhidfhidfs lmao they're so dumb i love them 🤣 i'm glad they could go away for a few days and spend time together away from their hectic schedules!

I hope you're well now and if not hang in there it'll all pass soon enough! 🥰💕 bye bye!!

p.s.: I got your request for the svt this or that gifset and i promise i’ll do it one day i just don’t feel like giffing these days dhbduusi i’m out of energy

#ask #my super nice lovely anon

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blurry-fics · 5 years

Text

Friday

A Weekend at the Josephs | Series Masterlist

Warnings: None

Word Count: 2778

Author’s Note: Yes! A new miniseries. This will run from today through Saturday (a little confusing because of when the story is set, I know) and then posting will return to normal :) also this totally had an author’s note the entire time. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Enjoy the chapter! (picture credit)

I idly tapped my fingers against the edge of the car door as I looked out the window at the passing trees. My parents were talking quietly in the front seat, going over their flight details and what they would do when they arrived in Oregon. The radio was playing, although I could just barely make out whatever pop song was on over the sound of their conversation.

“I don’t understand why I can’t just stay at home,” I said, interjecting myself into their conversation.

My mom sighed, having already heard this same argument from me three times this morning. She turned slightly over her shoulder so that I could see her face, but kept her attention on the road in front of her.

“It just gives me peace of mind to know that you’re with the Josephs, sweetheart. Staying home alone overnight can be scary. Besides, aren’t you and Tyler close?”

“But I’m twenty, Mom. I’m more than capable of taking care of myself now.”

“It’s only a weekend. It’s going to be over before you know it,” my dad added.

“Exactly. It’s just a weekend,” I mumbled.

“I know you’re capable of taking care of yourself, but I would rather you don’t have to worry about it.”

I crossed my arms and turned back to the window, deciding there was no point in fighting anymore. The argument had been lost the moment that I got into the car with my parents.

“Aren’t you excited to spend a weekend with Tyler?”

“No.”

“Why not? He’s your best friend.”

“Yeah, when he’s not too busy with his band.”

I could just make out the hint of a frown on my mom’s face, but she didn’t press the matter any further. It was probably for the best; my frustration about having to stay with the Josephs paired with the hurt of Tyler prioritizing his band over me would only lead to me talking my parents’ ears off about the entire situation, and I would rather not be pissed when I came face to face with Tyler’s family.

“I’m sure you’re going to have fun this weekend, darling. Have you made any plans with Sav?” my dad asked.

“Not yet.”

“You should do that.”

“I will.”

Our conversation came to a stop as my mom turned off the main road and into an all-too-familiar neighborhood. I tried to ignore the steadily growing feeling of discomfort in my stomach as we grew closer and focused on the comments my dad was making about renovations some of the families had done to their homes. Despite the distraction, I still felt like I might pass out by the time we pulled up outside the Joseph’s house.

“Are you going to be ok getting to the door by yourself?” my mom asked.

“Yeah, I’ll be ok,” I lied, not wanting to create more of a hassle for them.

My mom held out her arms and I awkwardly leaned over the center console to give her some semblance of a goodbye hug. My dad did the same shortly after, but gave me the added bonus of a kiss on the head. I scrunched my nose as he did so.

“We’ll be back Monday morning to pick you up. Make sure to send texts so we know you’re alive. Behave for Kelly and Chris. And, um, just try to have a nice time with Tyler, ok?” my mom smiled.

“I’ll try,” I said as I pulled my duffle bag into my lap. “Say hi to Aunt Nancy for me.”

“Will do,” my dad said.

There was a chorus of “I love you”s as I stepped out of the car and closed the door behind me. I waved to my parents through the window before turning and walking up the stone path that led to the front door. If they had driven away, I hadn’t heard it. My mind was too focused on getting to the door and getting inside without making a fool of myself.

Kelly opened the door shortly after I knocked with my shaky hands, obviously expecting my arrival. She smiled and ushered me inside, already telling me how nice it was to see me and how excited the family was for me to stay with them. I just returned her smile and tried not to get dirt all over the rug.

Her chatter eventually died down and I managed to chime in with a, “Thank you again for letting me stay here.”

“Oh, it’s no problem. We always enjoy having company and you’re no exception, Kae.”

“Thanks,” I smiled.

“Here, I’ll show you the guest room so you can set your things down.”

I readjusted my bag on my shoulder and followed Kelly up the stairs. Years of running around this house with Tyler and his siblings had already given me a pretty good idea of where everything was, but I was glad that I wouldn’t have to go wandering around upstairs until I found the right room.

“If you need anything to help you sleep, like a fan or something, don’t hesitate to let me know! I’d be happy to grab it for you.”

“Thanks, Mrs. Joseph. I appreciate it.”

“Of course. Oh, and Tyler should be getting home soon. He was out with friends this morning, but he said he would be back in the afternoon.”

Tyler. I had been so caught up with getting inside the house and talking to Kelly that I hadn’t even noticed his absence. At least I had some time to figure out my plan of action before he got back to the house.

“Ok,” I said, forcing a smile.

“Alright, I’ll leave you to it.”

Kelly turned and walked out of the room, closing the door most of the way behind her. Once I heard her walk down the stairs, I collapsed back onto the bed and buried my face in my hands. I had been here for all of five minutes and I already felt stressed beyond belief.

How was I supposed to survive a whole weekend of this?

* * *

I lost track of how long I spent in the guest bedroom, messing around on my laptop and just generally hiding out from the family. Tyler seemingly hadn’t returned home yet either, giving me all the more reason to not interact with anyone for awhile longer. There would be plenty of time for the stress of that when dinnertime rolled around.

A text popped up in the corner of my screen as I was scrolling through Tumblr. The mere sight of Sav’s name was enough to make me smile; she was one of the few people that might actually have the power to get me out of the house for awhile. Another message followed shortly after.

Sav: sorry my shift just ended!!

Sav: what’s going on?

I had texted her awhile ago, saying that I was stressed out and already tired of being “here”. She had already heard me rant about my parents forcing me to stay with family friends while they went out of town for awhile, although I had never actually confirmed that I had lost the debate with my parents over it.

Kae: i’m stuck at tyler’s house for the weekend and i’m stRESSED. like his parents are so nice but it still makes me anxious, you know??

Sav: you’ve got this though! things with tyler might not be as awkward as you expect them to be

Kae: yeah, you’re right. i think i’m just going to be freaking out until he gets home. i haven’t seen him in like a week

Kae: also, before i forget, do you want to do something tomorrow? i’d really rather not be stuck at the house all day

I switched back over to Tumblr while I waited for her response. Downstairs, I could hear some commotion as someone arrived home. My heart was quick to start pounding in my chest, but I tried to ignore it and focus on the gifset that was currently looping on my screen.

Sav: i have plans with josh, but he said it’s cool if you want to tag along with us! we were just planning to get smoothies and hang out or something, there wasn’t really a plan

Kae: are you sure? i don’t want to ruin your date

Sav: yes, it’s totally ok! josh wants to see you anyway so it’s a win/win

Kae: ok :)

Before Sav had a chance to say anything else, there was a knock on my door. I immediately pushed myself into an upright position and switched from Tumblr to a new tab.

“Yeah?” I called.

The door pushed open slightly, revealing Tyler on the other side.

“Hi,” he smiled. “I was just coming to see what you were up to. My mom said you’ve been up here since you got dropped off.”

I closed my laptop and slid it off my lap, hoping it would distract from the blush on my cheeks. Tyler was now casually leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed, waiting until I fully invited him into the room.

“You know how I am,” I laughed. “I get stressed easily.”

“I know, it’s not a big deal. Do you mind if I come in?”

I looked around me for a moment, as if I needed to check if there was enough room for Tyler to sit. “Uh, yeah. Sure.”

I scooted over a little, leaving plenty of open space next to me for him to sit. He walked over and practically fell onto the bed, making both of us bounce. From where he was sitting, I could just make out the smell of his cologne. He had a bad habit of going a bit overboard with it when he hung out with his friends.

“I just wanted to catch up. It’s been awhile since we’ve seen one another and I figured, since you’re stuck here for the weekend, we might as well, right?”

My eyebrows furrowed for a moment, but Tyler didn’t seem to catch it. “And we’re best friends?”

“Right, that too,” he said, but he didn’t meet my eyes.

I took a moment to study his profile while he was busy looking at the ground. His eyelashes curled so nicely, highlighting what I could see of his chocolate brown eyes. My eyes slowly followed the line of his face, along the curve of his nose and down to his lips. He must have felt me staring, because he turned and met my eyes, bringing the blush straight back to my cheeks. I turned and looked at a plant that was sitting on a nearby dresser.

Now I remembered why it always hurt so bad when Tyler chose the band over me. It was deeper than just the fact that he had been my best friend for years, although I couldn’t deny the role that played in my feelings.

More than anything, it hurt because of the massive crush I had developed on him a few months ago.

“So what have you been up to lately?” Tyler asked, placing his hands behind him so he could lean back. “We haven’t really seen much of each other.”

“Yeah, because someone has been busy trying to get famous,” I said, lightly poking him with my foot. I hoped that making a lighthearted joke about the issue might open up some serious discussion.

It didn’t.

“I know, I know,” he said. “I’ve been meaning to make time for you, but new things just keep popping up all over the place. Not to mention the band drama.”

“Not the band drama,” I gasped. Tyler rolled his eyes at me.

“It’s serious, Kae.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

“I know and that’s my fault. Anyway, I asked what you had been up to.”

I shrugged, “Not much. I’m just killing time until school starts up again, I guess.”

“What about your writing? Have you been doing that?”

“Well, yeah, but you already knew about that.”

“Are you ever going to let me read it?”

“Maybe one day.”

“But not today?” Tyler smiled. Me not letting him read my writing had become a running joke between the two of us.

“Not today.”

“Maybe I’ll stop letting you read my song lyrics until you start letting me read your stories.”

“Not fair!” I laughed.

Tyler made a confused face, only making me laugh harder. It was weird how quickly I had forgotten my frustration with him once he was sitting in front of me, but part of me was glad that I hadn’t kept my guard up. At the end of the day, he was still my best friend, even if sometimes I wished he was more.

There was a knock on the door, and a moment later Kelly had popped her head into the room.

“Dinner is ready,” she smiled.

“Ok, we’ll be down in a second,” Tyler said.

She closed the door, once again leaving just the two of us.

“Ready?” Tyler asked, turning to me.

“I think so.”

He reached out and placed a hand on my shoulder. A smile threatened to overtake my face, but I directed my attention elsewhere and put my energy into not doing exactly that.

“Don’t worry, I won’t let it get too awkward.”

“Thanks, Ty.”

“Alright, let’s go.”

* * *

I waited for Zack to finish washing his plate before stepping in front of the sink and cleaning my own. Most of the family was in the living room now, watching TV or talking to one another, and I was currently trying to decide if I would join them or slide back up to my room once again. Before I had a chance to come to a conclusion, Tyler joined me in the kitchen and leaned up against the counter.

“What are your plans for tonight?” he asked.

I held back a laugh, knowing that he most likely hadn’t intended for his question to come off as a joke.

“Not sure yet,” I answered as I stuck my plate in the dishwasher. “Why do you ask?”

“I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out. You know, like chill in my room or something.”

I was relieved that Tyler’s offer gave me an excuse to not sit with the rest of the family in the living room, plus it gave me another opportunity to really talk to Tyler about the whole issue with him ditching me lately. He had already made it obvious that he was aware of it, but I wasn’t so sure that he really understood how badly it upset me.

“Yeah, I’m down.”

“Sweet.”

I closed the dishwasher and followed Tyler up the stairs to his room. He immediately collapsed back onto his bed, but I stood in the middle of the room and took a moment to look around the room. It looked almost identical to the last time I had seen it - which was almost three months ago now - aside from the addition of unorganized stacks of lyrics and sheet music. There were also some half-colored sketches thrown in and stacks of CDs that he hadn’t yet gotten around to selling.

“You can sit, if you want,” he said.

“Right.”

I pulled his desk chair out and sat in it, spinning around to face him. He was leaned against the wall now, idly letting one hand run along the opposite forearm. Although I was looking at him, his gaze was still directed towards the ground.

“There’s something that I want to talk to you about,” he said.

I took a deep breath to calm the increase in my heart rate once again. “What is that?”

“What I said earlier, when I was talking about making more time for you, I just want you to know that I mean that. I know I’ve been really, really bad about it lately, and I can explain the whole story later, but I’m going to start making an effort. You’re just as, if not more, important to me and you deserve to be shown that.”

“I was actually going to talk to you about the same thing, so I appreciate that.”

“I’m actually, uh, hoping that this weekend will help make it up to you.”

“Do you have something planned?”

“Maybe,” he grinned.

I wanted to press him a little further, but assumed it wouldn’t lead to anything. When Tyler wanted something to stay secret, it stayed secret.

“And what’s the plan for tonight?”

“Video games, snacks, and staying up way later than we should.”

I smiled, “I think I can get behind that plan.”

Maybe this weekend wouldn’t be so bad, after all.

#ks youau wc #tyler x kae #a weekend at the josephs #awatj #blurry-fics

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senatorrorgana · 6 years

Text

The Future of My Damerey Fics

For most of you here that are new, you probably won’t have any idea what I’m talking about! But for those of you who have been reading my fics since shortly after TFA, you probably know that I’ve started more than a few Damerey fics that I’ve never finished and it’s been brought to my attention that I should probably do something about that. In a perfect world I’d love to finish every single one of them instead of leaving them out there in the breeze, but alas, some must end while others I’ve taken up a new interest in to rewrite (since most of these were written over a year ago and I feel like my writing style has changed so much since then).

This list serves as both a way for me to keep tabs on what I’ve decided on these 16 fics (which I was honestly surprised there weren’t more left unfinished out of the 62 I now have!), and a heads up to you guys on what I’ll be rewriting and what has met it’s end!

On the bright side though, all of these being re-written and continued will easily carry out through into 2018 and give me something to work on and you guys something to read!

(P.S. There will be new fics in the mix as well but this is just a list of the oldies I wanted to update everyone on!)

TO BE CONTINUED...

These fics are the ones I’ll be picking up on right where I left off!

To Me, She’s Royalty - My royalty/fantasy Damerey AU that I started not that long ago, but since it’s been over a month since I last updated it, I figured I’d include it so it wouldn’t be forgotten. I know a lot of people loved this one too so don’t worry, I didn’t forget even if it seems like I did!

The End and The Beginning - This one never really got that far before it got left behind, it was more of a post all the sequels kind of story. I was writing this around July and honestly, I have a good reason for not continuing it which was I was switching jobs at the time and engulfed in chaos. Regardless of that life stuff, I planned on it being a short fic anyway so there’s no reason for me not to wrap it up and give you guys a proper ending.

REWRITES

These fics are the ones that I love the idea for but I don’t feel I can continue it either where I left it or simply because I no longer like the style of writing I was using at the time and want to improve on the idea.

Young Gods - Oh boy does this one have an interesting story behind it (not just idea wise but my own history of writing it really). Firstly, this fic itself was already a re-write. I had a little fic going on called Twin Suns that spiraled out into something I could no longer contain and cut it off at its legs to use this fic as a chance to re-write it. Honestly, I don’t know why I stopped it? It’s been so long I can’t remember, and maybe this fic is doomed to forever be unfinished and me rewriting it because I want to make it work so desperately that it kills me when I can’t. Here’s to hoping the third time is the charm because I really love this fic and its original iteration of Twin Suns is what brought me and one of my close Damerey friends @18tpaz together.

After the War - I remember wanting to write this so badly because I wanted to explore Poe’s character, to be exact, I wanted to explore him having some kind of PTSD after the events of the sequel trilogy, especially after Kylo Ren’s torture against him. I still want to touch on that a bit I think, it’ll be much shorter than what I originally planned for it, but I think that’ll make this pretty simple idea better than dragging it out into nothing.

A Second Chance - The fic that really got me started on thinking about rewriting or simply ending my old stuff! I really loved this idea and I’m sad that I never finished it, but this will probably be one of the first ones I rewrite because I’ve already gotten ideas for it. It was based on this wonderful AU gifset here on Tumblr and had to do with Poe being an ex-racer that got into an accident and no longer raced and Rey was his neighbor who of course loved cars and started to want to help Poe get behind the wheel again. It was really a wonderful idea and I hope to FINALLY do it some justice.

Into You - This was a neighbors AU where Poe and Rey slowly fall in love with each other. I think it fell behind because I was writing A Second Chance at the same time and was trying to keep up with that as well. This is one of the ones that will probably turn out fairly short as well in its rewrite, but still something I want to revisit and try again!

Sit Still, Look Pretty - This was a Funny Face AU of sorts with Poe as the photographer and Rey as the model. I remember really liking this idea and thinking it was adorable and seeing it here on my list of forgotten fics broke my heart a bit. I really enjoyed writing this one and I’m sad that it got away from me, and while I could try and continue it, this is one of the ones where I feel like a rewrite would be better.

Death of a Bachelor - One of my longer AU’s that I’ve ever written to date and holds a special place in my heart. Set back in the times of Old Hollywood with Poe as a writer and Rey as an up and coming actress where the two fall in love. I feel like I started out good with this and started to rush things a bit when I felt I may have dragged things out too long and also got antsy to finish it. Here’s to hoping to wrap this one up as well in a rewrite and give it the love it deserves.

Call to the Light - My attempt at a Dark Side!Rey AU. I really liked the idea at the time and honestly, I still really do. Though we all know our precious Rey will continue on the Jedi, you can’t help but wonder what a Dark Rey would really be like, right? Not to mention in this fic I played around with the idea of Poe and Rey having a Force Bond which after TLJ I think is something pretty interesting to explore.

The Stain of Love - A modern-day Hades & Persephone AU that never got finished. This one will be one of the shorter ones that I rewrite, I honestly didn’t have the heart to just end it since the idea was so interesting and I could see myself turning this into a three or four chapter little fic.

THE END

These fics are the ones that are sadly meeting their end, either I’ve lost inspiration entirely or I don’t see a way to rewrite them to the way that I like, I hope you guys can understand that!

Jedikiller- Sadly this one was fairly recent, and despite the big vision I had for it, I don’t think I can carry it on the way I wanted to.

They Do Not Deserve You - A Wonder Woman AU that required me watching Wonder Woman many, many times to do what I wanted with it. Not only do I (sadly) not have time to do this, but I didn’t make it original enough to be able to deviate from the movie and continue on in its own way.

Temple of the Lost Jedi - A Indiana Jones/Uncharted AU that became a little too big for me to handle, and while I love run-and-gun adventures as much as the next gal, this one sadly must meet its end.

Does This Darkness Have A Name? - This one is ending mostly because it’s another Dark Side!Rey AU and honestly, I only need to write one of those, I don’t need two.

Hoist the Colours - A Pirates of the Carribean AU that, again like most of the AU’s on this ending list, became a bit too big to be contained and must sadly end.

The Big Con - The oldest one on the list and probably the most predictable to finally be ending. It was kind of an Ocean’s Eleven type thing? I was never a super fan of those kinds of movies and sadly even Star Wars and Damerey couldn’t make me love it.

Again, I hope you guys understand! Some are ending but there are so many that I want to revisit and give a second chance to. I think I know what my limits are now and I know I can and can’t write anymore. So many new Damerey’s have joined this little family and there are so many of you still around, I want to give you guys the very best and not something half-baked that I no longer care for. Hopefully, you guys will start to see some of these continuing fics and rewrites soon!

#damerey #writing update #some important notes on past fics in here if you're interested!

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accio-ambition · 7 years

Text

And with this chapter, we are officially over the halfway point in this story! A million thanks over for all of you who have stuck with this since the beginning, and a million thanks to those who've hopped on along the way. As I might've said before, this had been an idea in my head for a long time before it actually started to become something. It really means a lot that all of you are enjoying it so much :) I want to, as always, give an extra special thank you to @sotheylived, @queen-icicle-fandom, @shipsxahoy, and @captainswanbigbang. You know what you did ;)

Summary: Bouncing around with her son for the majority of her life, Emma Swan has told herself she’s happy in the city. It’s where the most camera operating jobs are, and that’s how she makes her money. But when an old friend calls her and asks for her help on a new project in small town Maine, Emma finds herself in a place she’s never been with people she doesn’t know filming a profession she knows nothing about. But when the captain of the ship she’s filming begins taking a keen interest in her and her life, she finds herself wondering whether she might just catch something other than fish. Deadliest Catch AU Rating: M Content warning: Character death, some violent situations

FFnet/Ao3/Cover/Snapshots/Gifset

Chapter Thirteen

It seems like she’s hardly taken a breath when Emma’s settling into the corner of the couch at the Jones residence, watching one of the last commercials before their show - the one they’ve all put so much work into - airs. Crew dinner leads to crew drinks leads to both crews, Emma, Henry, David and Mary Margaret, Jefferson, Grace, and Ruby struggling to find a place to watch the premiere. Liam’s had to force some of the others into his room because not everyone could comfortably see the TV.

“Never thought I’d be nervous to look at me handsome mug on a screen,” Scarlet says, taking another drink of his beer. “Soon I’ll be changin’ ma numba. Too many ladies wantin’ a piece of me.”

“Sounds a bit optimistic, mate,” Robin jokes next to her. “No woman will want to come close to Storybrooke once they know you’re here.”

A pillow flies toward them, narrowly missing her face, in insubordination, and the room breaks into laughter before the title card comes on the screen and Henry shushes them all.

It’s the first time anybody’s seen the full cut of the episode, including Jefferson, or even the title of the series. The executives decided on Sea of Chaos, and it’s a bit pretentious for Emma’s taste, but if it’s what the execs want, she’s not going to disagree with the people who sign her paychecks.

Tonight’s premiere is an hour, mostly introductions to the people and explanations of the trawling world with occasional sass. Well, more than occasional: it seems the executives wanted to capitalize on the nihilism and sarcasm popular with millennials and makes sure to include more quips than Emma thinks she’s ever heard in one sitting.

(And that’s saying a lot, seeing as she spends the vast majority of her time in the company of Joneses.)

Money exchanges hands during one of the final commercial breaks when they determine Whale is going to be the asshole of the series. A lot of it is going into the possession of Whale himself, and Emma can’t be too stunned that he knows how much of an ass he is.

Overall, it goes off well. Everyone present is happy and excited for the next episode. On their way out the door, Jefferson tells her and David they’ll meet later in the week once the ratings come in.

“It’s look great,” he says, wiping at snowflakes that have caught in the fringe of his hair. “I have full confidence that it’s going to be a hit.”

“I hope so,” David says, wrapping his scarf around his neck. “You already promised us a second season. No take backs on that shit.”

Emma chuckles, bidding them goodbye as she wraps herself around a complaining Henry.

“C’mon, can’t I stay up a little while longer?” he pleads.

She shakes her head. “You’ve still got school tomorrow, as far as we know.”

Henry groans, dragging his feet in the little snow that’s already accumulated. “But August said that the weatherman said it’s going to snow a foot,” he argues. “And Killian promised I could sleep over the next time school was cancelled.”

“Well, Killian needs to talk that over with me before you do anything.” She nudges him in front of her. “And you’re going to school tomorrow. I feel it in my bones.”

Her bones, turns out, are wrong. When she switches off her alarm the next morning, all white greets her outside her window. She can’t even see the road, can barely tell where the plow had already been through earlier that morning. A quick call to the automated school system hotline tells her that, since all the roads are closed and the sheriff’s department has issued a no unnecessary travel throughout the county, students get the day off. They’ll make it up at the end of the school year.

Loathe as she is to leave her bed, Emma does, tiptoeing her way into Henry’s room. He’s haphazardly sprawled across the mattress, already looking too small for her weed of a son. Placing a hand on his back, she leans over and whispers in his ear, “No school, kid.”

“Told you,” he grumbles, turning his head further into the pillow and readjusting himself. Emma chuckles, moving the blankets so they better cover his body. She’ll let him off this once, let him sleep in and enjoy the snow day. It’s only January, but winter will come to an end eventually.

Emma finds out the hard way that Maine winters never end. It’s still snowing significantly at the beginning of May and she’s trying to prep for the next season of Sea of Chaos. Henry’s going on field trips every other day because the end of the school year is in sight and teachers know that no more learning is going to get done in the classroom, but even his field trips end up getting snowed out.

“This has got to be one of the worst winters in history,” Robin says, watching even more snow fall from the warmth of his living room. Emma’s over visiting the Locksleys, mostly so Henry can distract Roland outside and give Regina some needed rest. Taking a sip from his mug of tea, Robin turns back to her. “Seriously, I don’t know what gods you angered when you both moved here, but tell them to quit it. We’re not going to be able to go out until next year at this rate.”

Emma shrugs, drinking from her own cup of hot chocolate. “I go where the money goes,” she says. “Take it up with whatever god patronizes that.”

0000

On the early June morning season two is set to start filming, a freak storm - just rain this time, it seems the snow has decided to make its delayed exit - forms from nothing and the Jones brothers both think it best to stay ashore. Word on the radio says that the water is choppy, and swells were nearing record heights.

“It’s not safe for anyone out there today,” Liam tells her as they stand by the docks just behind his home. Water is already lapping vigorously at wooden planks they stand, and Emma makes a mental note to get a few seconds of that after she finishes this higher vantage point B roll.

“That’s good,” Emma mutters as she looks into the viewfinder. “Make sure to say that when David sits you down later today.”

Liam chuckles. “No weather can stop the show from shooting, does it now?” he asks.

Pulling back from her camera, Emma hitches it further up her shoulder before sinking to the ground. “I’ve got a son. When you’ve got a kid who has the reading ability and love that he does, you’ve got to have the money to keep up with the habit.”

“Your boy could have much worse habits.” And it’s true: Henry could be addicted to video games. Or rather, more addicted. She’s just lucky that he enjoys imagining the story rather than watching it play out on a screen. “Killian was rotten when we were growing up.”

That piques her interest. “Really?” she asks in disbelief. “How so?”

“Oh, you know,” Liam leads. “Boys will be boys and such.”

“Nuh uh.” Setting the equipment between her feet to steady the shot, Emma looks up at Liam, pulling the hood of her slicker forward. “You and I both know that I don’t stand for that logic. And you wouldn’t bring up the topic if you didn’t want to share a story.”

Grinning wide, Liam claps her on the shoulder. “Have I told you how much I enjoy your company, Emma?”

She shrugs. “Not today you haven’t,” she concedes. “But get to the point.”

Liam crosses his arms over his chest, leaning his head forward so his hood properly shielded him from the rain. “Killian was probably 12 when this happened. After our mother died and father left, I had to take on the role of parent and brother. But Killian just lashed out. He wouldn’t come home at night.” He rolls his shoulders back and straightens up a bit. “I still, to this day, don’t know where he ran off to sleep at night. But when I could wrangle him home, he spent the entire night downstairs in the living room.” Liam paused in the middle of his story to glance at Emma out of the corner of his eye. “Watching I Love Lucy reruns.”

“No!” Emma gasps, to which Liam nods, his smile growing wider by the second.

“I would come down every couple of nights to make sure he was still there and there he was.” His words are tinged with laughter now, as Emma’s sure that he’s seeing preteen Killian, wide-eyed and half asleep on their couch, in his mind’s eye. “I asked him about it once and he yelled and stormed off and didn’t come home for three days. His teacher eventually sent him home because he smelled rancid.” With a shake of his head, Liam heaves a large side. “Honestly, it’s a miracle that he made it through any classes.”

“That’s surprising for how smart your brother is,” Emma defends him, though she isn’t quite sure why. “I mean, TV Land obsession aside.”

“It’s ‘cause he read all the time,” Liam says with a reluctant chuckle. “During waking hours, I never saw him without a book close by.” Crossing his arms, he sighs. “Yeah, he’s a fool, but damn, do I love that nerd.”

“Which nerd?” Both Emma and Liam turn to see Killian wandering toward them, footsteps stuttered as the mud sucks his boots in the ground. “Is my brother boring you with tales of Star Trek, Swan?”

“Actually, he was telling me about you,” she tells him smugly. “How you spent your late nights at the Copacabana with Ethel and Desi and Fred.”

Killian is stupefied. His jaw hangs from its joints and his eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. He looks at his brother with accusation. “I told you, you prick, that was the only thing on at that hour!” he shouts.

Liam shrugs. “Whatever you say, little brother.” He steps back, away from Emma and toward the house, with a slight bow. “Whatever you say.”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Killian,” she tells him. “We all do things when we’re desperate for distraction.”

“I’m not ashamed of it,” he corrects her with a shake of his head. Water droplets flick onto her face. “When I did watch it, I found it quite amusing.” He sighs and looks back toward the retreating figure of his brother. “I just wish my elder brother wouldn’t go throwing out that story willy-nilly.”

“Well, it sounds like he watched Star Trek more than someone normally would,” she observes. “I’m not saying payback, but I’m also not not saying it.” That gets a guffaw out of him, Killian leaning back and laughing toward the sky. It’s a great sound, something that wards off the chill of the rain around them.

His laughter dies down and Emma sighs. “I should get back inside.”

“Before you go,” he grabs her arm and gently tugs her back to look at the harbor. “The last episode of the series airs tomorrow night.”

“It does, finally.” Between award shows, holiday specials, and breaking news events, Sea of Chaos had been pushed back and interrupted more than originally expected. “Are you excited?”

Killian shrugs, his hands digging into the pockets of his jacket. “I have no real opinion on the matter.” He shuffles his feet a tad before looking at her. “However, I was wondering if you might want to come and watch it.” His eyes flit to the side. “With me,” he adds, “alone.”

Pursing her lips to hide her smile, Emma raises a brow. “If I didn’t know you any better, Jones, I’d think you were asking me out on a date.”

“Not a date,” he says quickly. “No, if I was asking you on a date, you would know.” He shrugs again and looks out to the roiling water before admitting, “I miss our little sessions on the Jolly Roger.”

“What little sessions?”

“In the captain’s roost,” he explains. “The ones where you come up and bother me by asking questions and doing your job.”

“Killian, we’ll have those little moments as soon as this weather lets up and we get out on the water,” she reminds him.

“Maybe I didn’t want to wait until then.” He says it quietly, maybe hoping it would get lost in the sounds of the storm. But Killian shakes his head and gestures back to the house. “It’s fine, Swan. I’ll watch it with my prat of a brother. I’ll talk to you later.”

Turning to follow in Liam’s footsteps, Killian starts back toward the dryness of the indoors. He looks sad, a dejected little puppy caught out in the rain, and Emma can be cruel and play too many games, but not to him. Not when he looks like an animal out of an ASPCA commercial. She reaches out and manages to catch his arm.

He stops and looks over his shoulder at her. “Yeah,” she says, nodding. “I’ll bring the rum.”

His smile could stop the storm itself. In fact, Emma’s surprised it doesn’t. “No need, love. We’ve got plenty of that.”

“I’m bringing it anyways. I’m afraid Henry’s going to start getting adventurous and rebellious soon.”

Killian scoffs and shakes his head. “Nonsense. He’s 10. Besides, your lad wouldn’t dare to disobey his mother.”

Both her brows raise up as she comes up next to him and they match their steps heading up to his house. “You’d be surprised,” she grumbles. “I was pretty stubborn at his age.”

“Somehow, that doesn’t surprise me one bit.”

Emma happily regales him with some of the stories of her youthful hijinks the next evening while lazing about on his couch during commercial breaks. She leaves out the part about Neal, stays in the realm of foster care and the time before Henry. There aren’t many years to draw from, nor an array of good memories, but she shares them nonetheless.

It’s nice, just hanging out with him. He doesn’t try any funny business, of which she’s a little bit confused about because the last couple times they were together, they were hard-pressed not to find a space more secluded. But it’s nice, having a more-than-friend to do whatever with, even if it’s just laughing at something stupid his brother said on camera that was supposed to be inspirational.

“I can’t believe he said that!” Killian shouts, laughing so hard he smacks himself in the stomach. He grabs his phone and starts texting. “I’ve gotta ask Dave if he actually said that.”

“I’m sure he did,” Emma tells him. “Talking heads are the one thing we don’t really mess with.”

He cocks a brow and pulls at her foot, legs lying tangled with his legs across the couch. “That’s good information to have, Swan. Thank you.”

“Except the cursing,” she adds. “Don’t go cursing up a storm because I will edit the shit out of that.”

“I’m a sailor, love,” he whines, tugging at her socked toes. “How else am I supposed to talk?”

#csbb #captain swan big bang #cs ff #captain swan #ouat #ditlot #my words #storytime #a date not date?#did anyone ask for a date not date?#how about liam and emma being friends?#or swan believer?#or the premiere of the show?#no one?#okay then #never mind #go about your business #as usual

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kellykadesperate · 7 years

Text

so @robertsuggers tags on @rbertsugden‘s amazing throwback gifset really hurt me and inspired this.

http://robertsuggers.tumblr.com/post/164667131164

my biggest monster:

Aaron’s left the milk out and it’s unusable now. It’s ridiculous but that’s what starts it.

Robert’s tired, like his bones ache and he feels his eyes sting and everything is heavy around him, and Aaron’s just gone and left the milk out.

It shouldn’t matter but it does.

Because Annie’s not going to get to sleep tonight without her formula and that means neither is he and he needs to get a few hours before he’s back at it again tomorrow, smiling at another dickhead in a suit who he needs to sign a deal.

Robert gulps hard as he shuts the door, slams it more like and Aaron’s turning around to him.

Annie’s in his arms and he’s rocking her back and forth. For a second Robert’s heart melts but then he thinks about the fucking milk and everything else and it all turns heavy around him again.

“You’re late.” Aaron says, comes over and presses a kiss to Robert’s cheek before pulling away. “What’s wrong?” He’s asking, because he can sense it already and it makes him frown. “Have you had a -”

Robert passes Aaron and pulls his tie off. “You’ve left the milk out.” He says, doesn’t even raise his head as he kicks his shoes off and walks towards the kitchen.

He sees the look on Aaron’s face, his cheeks redden like he’s embarrassed and it makes Robert’s chest jolt.

“Oh shit.” Aaron says quickly, puts Annie down and rubs at his head. “I’ve had a really long day I -”

“You’ve had a long day?” Robert snaps, and it’s a problem between them. It has been since Aaron decided not to go back to work for a while, decided that Annie needed at least one of her dads with her for the majority of the day.

They both ignore the fact that it’s really because Jacob had meningitis when he was three months old and it was Chas who was with him. Both of them had gone back to work, accepted the help which was readily available.

And Aaron completely broke down. He switched off and Jacob was the only person in the world he allowed himself to care about.

It was more than just a little bleak.

Aaron looks uncomfortable and then gulps. “Yeah as it happens.” He says and Robert just scoffs at him. “What the hell is your problem?”

Robert shakes his head, tries to pass Aaron again and this time his husband stops him.

“Robert.” He pushes out, hard, fast. He’s worried, he has been for days because Robert keeps closing off and shutting down.

Aaron tries to say something and then Robert shakes his head. “I’m tired alright?” He snaps, makes his way towards the stairs and then nearly trips on Jacob’s toy car. "For fucks sake.“ He screams and it makes Annie start bawling her eyes out, makes Robert feel guilty suddenly.

He goes to get her and Aaron is there quicker. “You need to go take a breather.” He’s saying, voice cold and distant and Robert pulls back. “I’m not having you around our kids when you’re -”

Robert scowls, feels his heart hammering in his chest as he picks up his keys, charges towards the door and -

“Just talk to me about your dad’s headstone and then we can move on from it.”

Because it’s been at the back of his mind. Aaron knows, he knows that Robert cried in the shower out of nowhere and made Aaron want to cry with him.

Robert gulps hard and turns around, face reddening as he hears his husband.

The headstone was ruined. And Aaron was partly to blame. At least in his mind.

Lads we’re fighting, Aaron weighed in, pushed one of them back and -

It was already in need of repairing, falling away and then some stupid kids went and made it worse and Robert couldn’t ignore it.

“It has nothing to do -” Robert tries to push out, he tries to lie basically and it’s hard because this is Aaron and Aaron knows him better than anyone else in the world.

Aaron comes closer, “Just be honest with me. You haven’t been yourself since Vic told you about having to get it completely re-done.”

Robert’s eyes sting again, he has to pull a hand over his forehead and then he’s thinking about when he went to see the damage. He went alone. He shouldn’t have because it meant that he felt able to react honestly and it shocked him to the core. Somehow he felt like he was looking at his father, what was left of him and it was broken and tainted and -

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Robert’s shouting and Aaron sighs hard, forced to put Annie back down and gently kiss her nose as she starts to become restless again.

“Yeah, I think I get that.” Aaron says sarcastically. “But I do, and I’m sick of you dealing with whatever you are all by yourself.” He pushes out, comes closer to his husband and lightly pushes at his chest. “So talk.”

Robert squints hard, hates himself because this should be easy but it isn’t and Aaron’s making it worse. “I’m not dealing with anything, stop being so dramatic Aaron.”

Something flickers over Aaron’s face, it’s hurt. “You can’t keep going on like this.” He says adamantly, a hand out as Robert pushes his head down.

“Yeah?” Robert raises his head. “Like you’re suddenly Mr. Open. God, I can’t even *mention granddads without you flinching.”

And he doesn’t even mean it, he feels awful as soon as he says it because it’s the worst thing he could throw at Aaron if he wanted to.

And Aaron, he loses it.

“How fucking dare you?” Aaron’s hissing, face red, eyes filled with tears. “You - you’re really comparing yours to mine? Are we really fucking doing -”

Robert shakes his head hard. “I didn’t mean that.” He’s saying, “You just - I don’t want to to talk about him alright? I don’t want to -”

Aaron frowns, “And that’s my fault?” He’s saying, voice ragged as he steps back and then Robert’s holding his arm. “Get off me Robert.” He bites.

Robert doesn’t, instead he just sighs. “You just keep pushing and pushing me and -”

Aaron pulls away from Robert’s grip and something breaks in his chest. “Go then.” He shouts, “If I’m such a bloody nag, just do one.” He says, and he’s completely done, drained from days of trying with Robert and getting absolutely no where.

Robert frowns, takes a step back. “And you’d love that wouldn’t ya? You can practise your ‘I’m Aaron and I can do it all on my own’ act that you just -”

The sight of Jacob by the stairs makes Robert twist his head around. He’s wearing his train pyjamas which are a size too big for him and make him wear them like Aaron wears his jumpers, all stretched out at the arms.

“Daddy giant read me a story.” Jacob’s asking, swinging a little on the stairs and looking down at his dads.

“Not now Jakey, go up to bed.” Robert says, there’s still anger in his voice, it’s all directed to Aaron for wanting him to leave, for digging about Jack, for leaving the fucking milk out.

Jacob frowns, “But I -”

“Bed.” Robert says, firm, almost cold and Aaron’s eyes widen.

“It’s okay baby, just - just go back up to bed.” Aaron’s always so soft, too soft, gentle and loving in a way Robert has always secretly struggled with at times.

Jacob looks like he’s going to burst out crying, little hands firm around the banisters and Robert can’t look at him.

“Jacob go.” Robert says, looking towards the floor, feels something stretch and tug in his heart and then Aaron’s in front of him.

“Don’t take this out on him.” He’s shouting, “Don’t take it out on my little boy because -”

“Our little boy you - you pri -”

His eyes let him down, they travel to where Jacob is and he sees him sitting there with a tear rolling down his face and it guts him completely.

He’s seeing himself. He’s seeing a little boy who’s dad wasn’t listening to him, who was just being loud and aggressive and shouting and taking everything out on his mum who was only trying to settle him and -

He sat there through it all, felt his dad roughly push past him when it was over.

And he’s done it to his own boy, he’s made him cry over him fighting and -

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Robert says, his feet sliding across to where Jacob is sitting. He’s so small, smaller than Robert had been and he doesn’t ever deserve to see that.

Aaron feels his heart do something mad and it doesn’t take long until there’s tears in his eyes and he’s watching Robert hold Jacob close and kiss his head.

“I’m so sorry buddy.” Robert presses a kiss to Jacob’s head and shudders, he doesn’t want to cry but he is, he’s fucking breaking down because he’s turned out just like his dad hasn’t he?

He doesn’t want to be like that.

Aaron kneels down beside them and looks at Jacob softly, “I think daddy needs some cuddles.” He tells him, watches their boy hug at Robert’s neck and bring him down a little so that he can reach him.

“Shh don’t cry daddy.” Jacob whispers, his little hands rubbing at his father’s back and he’s always had this kindness about him which Robert knows comes from Aaron.

“Me and daddy, we didn’t mean to make you cry.” Robert whispers, raises his head finally and looks away from his son, looks towards Aaron. “Because I - I love you both so much.” He whispers and Aaron sniffs, nods his head.

“And Annie.” Jacob says, the best big brother Aaron and Robert could ask for.

“Of course.” Aaron whispers, strokes at Jacob’s hair and then sighs. “Me and daddy need you to be a big boy and go up to bed by yourself whilst we make friends again.”

Robert smiles at his boy, “And then I promise I’ll read you a story.” He says and that’s all it takes for Jacob to be climbing the stairs again and disappearing out of sight.

Robert stays where he is for a few seconds and Aaron gives him space, goes towards the sofa and cradles Annie who’s somehow managed to stay content with a play toy during it all.

He waits until he hears footsteps approaching him and then sights Robert sliding next to him on the sofa.

He doesn’t cry, but he had done on the stairs with Jacob.

It makes Aaron worry more than he should.

“Is it me?” Aaron says, chews at his lip and gulps.

Robert frowns, a hand over Annie’s cheek, “Is what you?” He’s asking, his voice soft and gentle again and he resents how horrible he was before. He hates himself.

Aaron clears his throat, tries not to get emotional. “You said all I do is push and push and - I know it’s been difficult recently with Annie and - and having to look after Jakey as well but I’m trying Rob.”

It makes everything prickle in Robert and he presses himself closer to his husband, shakes his head. “It’s not you.” He whispers into his ear, sees the way Aaron’s shoulders relax. “You’re doing amazing okay? You - you are amazing.” He says, like it’s a promise. Aaron raises his head, he doesn’t believe it but he doesn’t say anything.

Robert blows out a breath, feels unsteady.

“Seeing the headstone like that, it just threw me. I’ve been walking around with all these memories and - and I’ve been thinking about what he’d say and,” he drops his head and he’s a kid again who just desperately wanted his father to be proud of him for something. “It shouldn’t even matter to me.” He raises his head and Aaron’s got tears in his eyes.

“It’s okay if it does.” He whispers, hand over Robert’s. “He was your dad Robert. It’s okay to - to think about -”

“Look what happens when I do.” Robert waves out a hand. “I make my own son cry.” He says, looks at Aaron and holds his face. “Please don’t - don’t go or anything okay. I’m sorry.”

Aaron frowns, sniffs. “I know you are.” He whispers, “And so am I.” He looks down at Annie and then smiles.

“You’re so good with her.” Robert whispers, gulps hard.

Aaron looks at Robert and frowns. “So are you.”

“I made Jacob cry Aaron.” He explains, eyes glassy. “Just like my dad made me cry.” He can’t even look over at Aaron when he sees the look on his face. “I watched him fight with mum, over and over again and it hurt. He’d carry on like I wasn’t even there, like he didn’t even see me crying on the stairs.” He blows out a breath, feels Aaron graze a hand over his. “I don’t want that for our son.”

Annie’s settled so Aaron pulls her down on the sofa and wraps her in blankets, he’s holding back the way he wants to hug Robert and wipe away any of this pain he’s feeling.

When he turns around again, Robert has his head in his hands and he looks like he can barely breathe. “Rob, babe, Robert look at me.” Aaron’s saying, and it’s frightening how slowly Robert lifts his head as if he’s ashamed. “You’re not like him, not when it comes to make your kids miserable okay?”

Robert winces, “I am though.” He whispers, gulps hard as he feels Aaron press a kiss to his head and tell him he isn’t, over and over again. “And he’ll hate me.” He says, like he knows it for certain.

Aaron comes even closer and then raises Robert’s chin. “He won’t ever hate you.” He says, feels guilty for making Robert feel awful in front of their son. “I promise you.”

Robert bites his lip, “Yeah?” He suddenly needs all this reassurance and it’s enough to make him feel like an idiot.

Aaron nods, “Yeah.” He promises before he’s stroking at Robert’s face and kissing him gently. “I’m sorry about your dad’s headstone.” He whispers, because he’s been an idiot, he hasn’t even said that.

Robert sighs. “It’s fine.” He shakes his head and smiles a little at Aaron. “I should have just told you how I felt about it.” He says, “Instead of blocking it all out.” He gulps.

Aaron nods, for a second he’s just soaking in how vulnerable and soft Robert looks in the moonlight and he’s filled with all this need to protect him and adore him and keep him safe from anything which will make him feel guilty or want to cry.

“I do love you, I really really do.” Aaron tells him, has a hand over Robert’s and a soft smile on his face which takes the older man by surprise. “I didn’t mean to be so - I don’t know -”

“Hey.” Robert slowly moves a hand over Aaron’s thigh. “We’re both just a little overtired aren’t we?” He says, decides to kiss Aaron and pull a hand through the younger man’s hair. “I love you too.” He says, means it as it washes over him.

Aaron nods, there’s a sparkle in his eye and he knows that they’ll probably fight again in a few weeks time but it won’t mean a thing, not when they have these moments where Annie’s fallen asleep without her bottle and Robert is telling him he loves him and everything is good in the world.

Everything is just good.

“I’ll probably always have shit issues with my dad.” Robert tells Aaron quickly, eyes almost glossing over. “But I won’t - I promise I won’t take it out on you again like that, or even try and bring up -”

Aaron tenses, “Okay.” He says, because it hit a nerve and made things feel strange and hollow. “I know you’re sorry.” He gets out and then looks towards Annie. “I’m going to get her up to bed.” He whispers as he cradles his daughter in his arms and looks back towards Robert who’s just staring at him. “What?” He says with a smile.

And Robert feels something tingle through him without warning. He feels something almost tell him that it’s going to be okay, that he won’t turn out like his father, he won’t snap and treat his children like Jack used to behave sometimes.

“Nothing.” He says, comes closer and kisses Aaron’s forehead before kissing at Annie’s. “Best go read Jacob his story.” He whispers gently, pulls away and can’t quite believe that he gets to have this, despite his wicked tongue and his tendencies to block things out. He gets to have a family, gets to read his son a bedtime story, kiss his daughter’s head before she’s in her cot, gets to sleep close to his husband.

And he won’t mess it up. He won’t waste a second either. He’ll do what his dad couldn’t.

(He’ll learn from his mistakes.)

#sorry lauren #i had emotions #and you didn't help #this is canon in my eyes tbh #biggest fear is him turning into the man he saw as his father sometimes #making his kids feel like he felt #anywho #robron #robron fics #it's the best gifset ever by the way #had me crying

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moriavis · 7 years

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List all the things you’re currently working on in as much or little detail as you’d like, then tag some friends to see what they’re working on. This can be writing, art, vids, gifsets, whatever.

Tagged by @elrhiarhodan. I saw that I was tagged and couldn’t stop laughing. I have so many wips. SO MANY. I’m putting this under a read more because It’s so damn long.

Tagging: whoever wants to play. I have no idea who has wips these days. D:

*stretches* *cracks knuckles*

Okay, let’s get down to business.

Works in Progress

1. Coldflash Winter Exchange 2017 fic. Fandom: The Flash.

No details on this. Top secret. Going to be much longer than I hoped, I’m sure.

2. Bodyswap AU - Fandom: The Flash. I started writing this for the Bodyswap prompt of Coldflash Week A 2017. This is the story where Barry and Len switch bodies because of a meta, learn to deal with each other’s shortcomings, and fall in love while arguing about who is keeping Barry’s body because neither of them want to wake up with a back ache in the morning. It has one of my favorite lines in it, and I think it’s going to end up a little lighter than most of my stories? Len is definitely more playful than my usual way of writing him.

Word Count: 1,200. It’ll probably end up in the 15k-20k range, because I’ve forgotten what it is to write something short.

3. Squeaky Bed Porn - Fandom: The Flash. I started writing this because I wanted to write a silly sex scene that wasn’t hampered by canon. Len crawls through Barry’s bedroom window after a rough mission with the Legends. Barry wants to get intimate, and Len doesn’t want Joe West to shoot him. This was the story I was writing when I realized I’m bad at writing porn. D:

Word Count: 1,500 words. Would probably be around 3k if I just re-read it and finished the porn. There’s literally no plot. Still not likely to finish it, tbh.

4. Farther Than Everything - Fandom: The Flash. This was going to be my Coldflash big bang before I was overwhelmed with work and depression and stopped writing for a couple of months entirely. Barry sacrificed himself in the Crisis and has been in the Speed Force. When he finally breaks out, he discovers the sun is gone and the world is broken into tribes ruled by villains -- Central, of course, belongs to Captain Cold. This one came out of a dream like, three years ago? It was right after the fever dream of writing BuotI, but I couldn’t figure out how to make it work. I think I’m closer now.

Word Count: 400. It’s literally the first hint of the first scene. This’ll be another long one.

5. Untitled Porn - Fandom: The Flash. Does anyone remember A Cold Encounter? And how, last November, I promised there would be a second chapter of porn? THIS IS IT. Barry returns Len’s clothes and decides to give their thing a try. I have been writing on this for a year, feeling intensely guilty for every day that passed without adding more to it. The first draft is done, so this one is ready for editing and will be posted soon! Yay!

Word Count: 8,100. It’s literally talking and sex. My god, why is it so long?

6. Untitled Hannukah Fic - Fandom: The Flash. This is the next story in my holiday series. I meant to write this for last Hannukah, but, uh. Obviously that didn’t pan out. Barry is having problems hiding their relationship from Joe, so Len takes things into his own hands.I only have one or two more in this series planned? But this one has been giving me the runaround.

Word Count: 400. But I know where it’s going, so that’s something, right? I’m going to circle Hannukah on my calendar this year and get it done by then.

7. i dreamed of snow (I call that loving you) - Fandom: The Flash. Remember that AU I wrote where Barry has two soulmates? Coldwestallen. The story in which Iris struggles to accept the bond Barry has with Len, Len wonders why Barry couldn’t just let him die, and Barry feels like he can’t give either of the people he loves anything they need. TBH, I wasn’t going to write any more for this au? But Barry clung in the back of my head, and whenever I’m not focused on something specific, it’s there.

Word Count: 160. Definitely at the beginning, and who knows how long it’s going to be? Not me!

8. Resonance - Fandom: The Flash. Ah, this story. This is my soulmate AU love letter to coldflash. I haven’t updated it since, jeez. April? But that doesn’t mean I’m not working on it. Leonard Snart meets Barry Allen when he’s 23 and Barry is five. It changes the course of his life. I don’t even know what to say about it, other than I have everything up to season 1 outlined? It’s going to involve a slightly different Legends crew, a different origin to the names Heatwave and Captain Cold, a very different STAR Labs, an angry Eobard Thawne and a Barry who is intensely in love with Len, which is terrible because Len is absolutely oblivious. So, yes. I... may also have elements I want to introduce in season 2? AM I GOING TO REWRITE THE ENTIRE SHOW? I HAVE NO IDEA. Anyway, I’m working on Chapter 6 right now (that’s going to be at least 10k, guys, since everyone’s been waiting so long.)

Word Count: 22k. We haven’t even begun. *_____*

9. Trade All My Tomorrows - The Flash. I started writing this story sometime when S3 of the flash was airing, but it was based off a prompt that joyouslee left me, about what happened to the rogues after flashpoint. The idea behind this one is that Len regains his memories from Doctor Alchemy, so that he remembers the original timeline, where he died -- the Flashpoint timeline, where he was Citizen Cold and Lisa was murdered by the Rogues -- and the current timeline, in which he has never had a sister and has lived his life trying to escape the reach of his father. And he’s willing to do anything to get his sister back. This story will eventually include the Legion of Doom, the Legends, and a fuckton of time travel, as soon as I can get my butt in gear.

Word Count: 6,700. No idea what the ending word count is going to be, for real.

I do have a slew of others that I have in a list and that I don’t have an active word count on yet: The Silent Hill AU (where Barry deals with some serious guilt) the Conjuring AU (where the West family is suffering under a haunting and get help from Lisa, who’s psychic, and Len, who protects her when she gets in over her head), several different tumblr prompts, including the newest one, which would be a new story for the JLA verse. There’s the No Powers story where Barry and Iris are reporters together and Len is a cop with a secret. SO MANY. SO LITTLE TIME. *cries into my hands*

#meme #coldflash #so many coldflash wips #omg #crying

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background-noise-headache · 7 years

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Aw, love the gifset with Rory needing a ridiculous miracle, and the Doctor pops up! Awwww, love your second self portrait! I'm sorry about your head and hope you're feeling much better soon! To pass the time you should watch the first three episodes with Gwaine! If you're doing the Doctor Who Ask Thingy: 1, 2, 3, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 20 - 24, 26. Ahem, you need to post a link to the Rory/Sara youtube video!

Rory does need (and get, if the number of not permanent deaths is anything to go by) a ridiculous miracle. Thank you about the self portrait. I definitely like it better than the firstWoooooow, you do not mess around with these Doctor Who asks (as well you don't, nobody else responded, might as well ask for as many as you like) okay:1: top three doctors?Eleven, Twelve, Ten 2: top three companions?Rory, Amy, Rose3: favorite quote?"We're all stories in the end, just make it a good one" I'm a writer, I must5: if you could pick any companion to travel with any Doctor, who would it be?Rose and Eleven. (Matt and Billy are friends I hear, and they've worked briefly in other projects, I think it would be amazing, the chemistry would be there. I probably ship them harder than I ship RosexTen tbh)7: Amy and Eleven had a great best friends thing going, but Rory and Eleven also had a good thing in that Rory was all "I will take no shit" and their general humor together 8: OTP?Amy and Rory, Rose and Eleven9: NOTP?Don't generally have those... I let people ship who they ship without any objection (unless someone in the ship has somehow been abusive towards the other, or they've tried to kill each other, or something awful like that)*remembers there are people who ship the Doctor with the Master/Missy*O.O ooohh.... yeah that10: any ships?The Titanic?11: first doctor you sawNine (yes, I do love Nine, just because he hasn't been mentioned yet doesn't mean I don't love him)12: favorite doctor?Don't make me choose between Twelve and Eleven, please. Eleven is so whimsical and hopeful and sweet. Twelve is so sarcastic and snide but secretly very endearing. They're like the two sides of my personality in a nutshell to be honest, I love them both13: first story you saw on tv?Okay so I watched the entire NewWho via Netflix so I started with Rose, episode one. The first episode I saw on actual television was the 60th anniversary special Day of the Doctor with David Tennant and Matt Smith and John Hurt (I made scones from scratch that day to celebrate, which is when you really know something is special. I only make scones for special occasions)14: how long have you been a fan?Since about 2012/2013? 15: if you could travel with one doctor, which one would it be?I feel like at this point everyone can guess at my answer. If I HAVE to pick just one I'm picking Twelve. We'd never get anything done, we'd just be snarky with each other all day16: favorite Tardis interior?Eleven's first interior, I love that steam-punky vibe20: least favorite story?Are there any episodes I vow to never go back and watch? Yes, and I think they're all in Ten's era (sorry Ten) the weird absorbing monster, Fear Her, Family of Blood and I have a love hate relationship (I want to go back and rewatch it just once for a refresher but goddamn I want to punch Ten so damn much and cringe all the damn time) and I think that's it21: did you cry while watching any of the episodes?I cried like crazy when Ten and Rose said goodbye, cried when Eleven read Amy's letter. The first time I watched The Library I don't think it really hit me, and didn't mean as much when River died, because I didn't know her, but when I went back I think I cried. Special mention to Torchwood and when you heartlessly killed Ianto, I fucking sobbed. I was pissed, I stopped watching and didn't bother with season four22: least favorite doctor?Least favorite doctor implies I found anything to really dislike about any of them, and I didn't. I love Nine and Ten, as well as the War Doctor, so pass23: least favorite companion?Martha. The combination/bad timing of her being written to have a crush on the Doctor after Rose leaving made it hard for me to like her. She's a great character, I just couldn't appreciate her. I also sadly didn't appreciate Donna the way I should have.24: Any eras you would like to know better?I'm assuming you mean different Doctor eras, in which case I'd like to watch old who and know more about that26: Favorite episode? (Or top 3)Hmm.... The Empty Child/Doctor Dances, or in other words enter Captain Jack Harkness with Rose and Nine then maybe Van Gogh because I love that and then Amy's choice is always interesting to go back an watch (also there's something really magical about the way some of the frozen Tardis scenes were filmed and the way Amy and Rory opened their eyes to look at each other and see how ice crystals had begun to form around their bodies, those images really stick with me from a visual sense, plus the psychology between the Doctor being attacked by a twisted version of himself is interesting enough)Okay, link. Link to the Rory/Sara video. Link... Link... let me look(I'm on mobile so I switched to my computer for three minutes to post the link so it's up on my blog now, check it out)

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ghostbustermelanieking · 7 years

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14, 28 :)

14. Favorite episode(s)? Why?

beyond the sea: i love this episode because it's the first badass scully episode and it is fucking amazing. i love any episodes that switches m&s's roles, and this one does it beautifully. boggs is an excellent villain. the early msr is the fucking best (and upon rewatching, it mystifies me to think that they weren't actually writing towards a romance at that point in the show). it's a very great storyline/casefile, and everytime i rewatch it, i'm bowled over it with i can't believe how good this storyline is!!

but a lot of my love for beyond the sea comes from nostalgia. the first time i watched beyond the sea came with what remains my favorite experience of watching txf. i was mid-driver’s ed when i started the show - which is complete hell, i’m not even kidding - so i had a saturday to myself to clean, study, and watch tv. like i remember cleaning my guinea pig’s cage while i watched eve, making my bed while i watched fire. and then i started beyond the sea. and i was immediately hooked, which usually took me a while when watching an episode. i figured that something had happened to cap scully, which was why scully was seeing his ghost, but i was hoping he wouldn’t die. i think i squealed when mulder called scully dana. i had some heart palpitations when mulder got shot. if the first few episodes of the show were like gentle taps with a baseball bat, beyond the sea whacked me hard over the head and made me scream “i’m paying attention!” it hooked me good, and i was glued to the tv for the rest of the day. s1 was pretty much the only part of the show where i was completely unspoiled, an innocent and hopeful x files fan who was looking forward to the moment when mulder and scully would give in to their undying love, so i miss that part of my experience as an x files fan a lot and beyond the sea represents that for me.

bad blood: all the way, motherfuckers.

in all seriousness, i love how funny and FUN this episode is. like the case is kind of a one-of, but it’s so cool to see it from the different perspectives. like several of my other favorites, bad blood gives us insight into mulder and scully’s partnership - and it gives us their inner irritation with each other. it’s very telling, honestly, to see the bad sides of their opinions of each other, even if they’re over-exaggerated. i love how mulder manages to be subtly jealous of hartwell without it being too over-dramatic. i love all the little funny moments. it’s just a feel good episode, honestly, and the first one i ever watched for a second time.

pusher: it’s kind of an obvious one, if not THE obvious one, but i love everything about this episode. pusher/modell is an awesome villain and i wish his return had been better. (like, why not have had a bunch of unexplained crimes and then they figure out that modell can control people from his coma but it’s like a twist and then they can’t prove it?? like that would’ve been better than kitsunegari.) also all the little msr moments. the stakeout scene. (there’s a fic about that stakeout that is absolutely amazing.) the handhold scene. and of course, the russian roulette scene. i feel like that’s a very telling scene in terms of msr in general... which is kind of obvious but still. it’s kind of amazing. one of the most fucked up romantic scenes ever (because honestly, who knew i’d love a scene where someone almost kills the woman he loves so much?) it’s bizarre that it’s so good, and telling about the x files that it works so well. scully loves mulder so well that she follows him into a dangerous zone even though she knows she might not be able to save him and probably expects to find him dead. mulder loves scully so much that he can hold back from shooting her even though he can’t hold back from shooting himself, and scully loves mulder so much to not leave until she saves him. i mean, come on.

redux ii: it should be explained that part of the reason i love this episode so much is because of what preceded it. i freaked at the gethsemane cliffhanger, because unlike every other plot point in the show (at this point i knew every damn thing that happened thanks to the mulder and scully tag on tumblr and some very compelling gifsets... thanks tumblr!!), i had NO IDEA IT WAS COMING. i mean, i obviously knew mulder wasn’t dead, but i thought scully didn’t know that. (i’d seen gifs of the scene from the truth where scully is hugging mulder and crying and saying “my god where have you been… where have you been hiding” and i thought that might be from the s5 premiere since i had absolutely no context past that [that would make a cool fic actually] but in retrospect i should’ve figured it out by the hair alone.) so i freaked, wrote a big philosophical piece in my s4 review about mulder’s fake death and scullys probable guilt over his fake death, and then watched redux i and felt very stupid. also i didn’t think much of redux i (it was so freaking boring!!). however, when i watched redux ii later that night, i spent the entire episode inwardly screaming at all the touching. like i kept expecting it to dial down on the plot points (because at this point i expected like two big things per episode) but it didn’t and i was so damn hooked! like i freaked at the fake samantha even though i knew it wasn’t real. i freaked at all the hand holding. i freaked at the bill scully scenes. it was such an experience and i love it to death.

field trip: this is actually a more recent find, although i tried to rewatch a couple times. i rewatched it over christmas break, during a period where i felt like i was “rediscovering the x files” and was like “goddamn how did i not remember how good this is?!” it’s basically another study of their partnership, but it’s like the alternate, angstier bad blood - it shows how mulder and scully need each other. more specifically in their set roles for each other - believer and skeptic, yada yada yada. they start the episode fighting about those roles, and then, like all good tear-your-heart out seshes, they’re “proved right” - in scully’s case, in the worst way possible. (i mean, think about it. in scully’s hallucination, she thinks the last thing she ever said to mulder was a fight.) and the most telling thing is that they get that something is wrong as soon as they’re told they are right. they want to be challenged! they want to be proven wrong! they’re yin-yang - they need the opposite of themselves for balance. they complete each other in the best way possible. (i have a lot of feelings about this okay.)

28. IWTB or FTF? Why?

ftf, because it’s 10x better than iwtb, because the msr is very on point (the kiss scene and antarctica scenes kill me every time), because rob bowman is an amazing director, because ftf had a cohesive storyline, because it manages to entertain me for the entirety of the movie.

(x files ask)

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