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connorsbonez · 8 months

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Stalkers and Cryptids: Incorrect Quotes #2

Danny, Bernard, and Wes are sitting on a bench

Tim: Why do you guys look so sad?

Danny: Sit down with us so we can tell you.

*Tim sits down*

Bernard: The bench is freshly painted :)

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Dick comes to visit

Danny, setting down a card: Ace of spades

Bernard, pulling out an Uno card: +4

Wes, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you

Dick, trembling: What the fuck are we playing??

Tim, placing down a card: Go fish.

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Danny: *Screams*

Wes: *Screams louder to establish dominance*

Bernard: Should we do something?

Tim: No, I want to see who wins.

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The Monopoly Game

Danny: Tonight, one of you will betray us.

Bernard: Is it me, Danny?

Danny: No, it’s not you.

Wes: Is it me, Danny?

Danny: It’s not you either.

Tim: ...Is it me, Danny?

Danny:

Danny, mockingly: Is IT mE DaNnY?

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Wes: I think we're missing something.

Bernard: Teamwork?

Tim: Cohesion?

Danny: A general sense of what we’re doing?

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Bernard, tilting his head: Why are your tongues purple?

Wes: We had slushies. I had a blue one.

Tim: I had a red one.

Bernard: oh

Bernard:

Bernard: OH

Danny:

Danny, the dense king: You drank each other's slushies??

00000000000000

The Sleep Deprived Slumber Party

Bernard, laying flat on his back: Can I be frank with you guys?

Danny: Sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is gonna help.

Tim: Can I still be Tim?

Wes, setting his hand over Tim's mouth: Shh, let Frank speak.

000000000000000

Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.

Tim: Shit.

Danny: Wait, three?

Cop: ...Yeah?

Bernard: OH MY GOD WES FELL OFF!!!

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Wes: Dammit, Danny!

Danny: What?! It wasn’t me!

Wes: Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Tim!

Tim: Not me either.

Wes: Oh...Then who set the house on fire?

Bernard: *whistles*

000000000000000

Danny: ARE YOU-

Wes: Fucking.

Danny: KIDDING ME?! YOU-

Wes: Fucking.

Danny: IDIOT!

Bernard: …What was that?

Wes: Danny's mom's swearing senses have been going off, so I’m helping him out.

0000000000000000

Rom-Coms

Bernard, gesturing towards the love interests: They make a cute couple, huh?

Wes: They certainly are standing next to each other.

00000000000000000

Pre-OT4, Beginning Stages of the OT3

Danny: I'm so happy, I could kiss you!

Tim: Um...Neat.

*Later*

Tim, lying face down on his bed: I said "Neat," Wes. Who the fuck says neat these days? It's not neat to say neat but I said it anyways because I'm fucking stupid.

Wes, reading a book: Don't beat yourself up too much, Tim. Everyone gets nervous sometimes. Remember what I told you I did when Danny confessed his love for me?

Tim, slowly lifting his head: ...Didn't you thank him?

Wes: *closes the book and looks at the ceiling* I fucking thanked him.

#dp x dc #dc x dp #danny phantom #danny fenton #wes weston #timothy drake #tim drake #bernard dowd #stalkers and cryptids

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rubin-therubix-loverofblorbos · 3 months

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TF2 INCORRECT QUOTES: ULTIMATE EDITION

Medic: I hate taking off my glasses, because without them, my vision goes from Full HD all the way down to buffering at 240p and I just can't handle that.

Sniper: Are you good? Spy: In what sense? Sniper: Generally. Spy: Oh, definitely not.

Scout: You think that’s cringe? Moms around the world wait 9 months just to end up naming their kid Dell. Engineer: Hey, fuck you.

Soldier: The waiter at Olive Garden has been grating my cheese for 6 hours now, waiting for me to say when. Customers are screaming. Three people have died. Soldier: I will not yield.

Engineer: Still not over how yesterday when my flight landed, our pilot said we arrived 50 minutes early because they took some "shortcuts". Engineer: Excuse me, we were in the sky, what do you mean???

Spy: Okay, who's turn is it to give the pep talk? Medic: It's Soldier's turn. Soldier: Don't die. Medic, wiping a tear away: Truly inspirational.

Scout: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends. Pyro, Muffled: … Your what? Scout: My friends. Engineer: Are they saying “friends”? Heavy: I think they're being sarcastic. Soldier: No, no, no, this is delirium, they've cracked from being awake all night. Hey, Scout! All of your friends are in this room.

Heavy: If I say I love you, will you say it back? Medic: Yes. Heavy: I love you. Medic: It back. Later Scout: Why is Heavy crying face-down on the floor?

Demoman: What happened to Soldier? Engineer: They died. Demoman: They what? Engineer: They died, but they’re okay. Demoman: …Can you please clarify? Soldier: Clarification is for the weak.

Engineer: Medic, Heavy, I love y’all and all, but can I ask what in the hell are you doing? Medic, trying to stabilize a tower of folding chairs that Heavy is sitting atop: Oh nothing much. Heavy: I love you too :)

Engineer: Caffeine no longer keeps me awake while I work, so instead I have Medic periodically send me texts saying ‘we need to talk.’ Engineer: It gives me the right amount of adrenaline and fear I need to keep going.

Medic: tapping fingers on table Soldier: taps fingers back furiously Sniper: …What’s going on? Scout: Morse code. They’re talking. Medic: -.-- ..- .-. / - …. . / -.-. ..- - . … - Soldier: slams hands on table YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

Soldier, to Demoman: Why is Scout not talking? Demoman: I'm playing the silent game with them. Soldier: Well, then you just lost. Demoman: I lost two hours ago. I gave them ear plugs and told them to close their eyes. It was the only way I could think of to get them to shut up.

Spy: casually taking four stairs at a time Sniper, falling behind, taking two stairs at a time: Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fu-

Engineer: Here are two pictures. One of them is your bedroom, and the other is a garbage dumpster. Can you tell which is which? Scout: Scout: This one is the dumpster. Engineer: They’re both your bedroom.

Engineer: Stop setting things on fire because you're curious about what will happen. What will happen is fire. Medic: But what if something else happens just this one time. -Pyro giggling in the background-

Demoman: I’m having salad for dinner! Engineer: Demoman: Well, fruit salad. Demoman: Actually, it’s mostly grapes. Engineer: Demoman: Okay, it’s all grapes. Demoman: Fermented grapes. Engineer: Demoman: Engineer: Demoman: It’s wine. Demoman: I’m having wine for dinner.

Medic: Truth or dare? Soldier: Truth! Medic: Do you- Engineer: I dare you to kiss me. Soldier: kisses Engineer Medic, to Heavy: They said “truth”, right?

Scout: When I get murdered, can you make sure I become an unsolved case? Sniper: wHat? Scout: I want to be on Buzzfeed Unsolved. Sniper: Can we go back to the part when you said "when I get murdered"?

Heavy: Where’s Soldier? Spy: Around. Heavy: Around? Heavy: You don’t have any idea, do you? Soldier, dropping down from above: Did you know there’s a space above the ceiling?

Soldier: Do you think I’m ugly? Engineer: It’s not about looks, Soldier. What’s valuable is on the inside… Soldier: Engineer… Engineer: For example, someone's heart. Soldier: Aw… Stop it- Engineer: It could be purchased for more than a million dollars, you know. Soldier: Seriously, stop.

Demoman: In alcohol’s defense, I’ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.

Sniper: How many children do you have? Spy: Biologically, legally, or emotionally? Because there is a difference.

Demoman: What are your adjectives? Spy: …You mean my pronouns? Demoman: No, I know what your pronouns are! What are your adjectives? Spy: …I dunno. What are yours? Demoman: Noisy and chaotic! Spy: I’ve never had something go from making no sense to making complete sense so quickly.

Heavy: Unpopular opinion, not all dogs are good boys. Soldier: Blocked. Heavy: Sometimes, they’re good girls! Soldier: UNBLOCKED!

Soldier: I’ve been here in jail so long I think I’ve lost my mind. Soldier: The days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months. Soldier: How long have I been in here now? Almost a year? Medic: This is Monopoly.

Spy: Goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out Sniper's birthday invitations. Soldier: Well, what are they supposed to say? Spy: "Sniper's birthday". Soldier: So, what do they say instead? Spy: "Sniper’s bi". Soldier: Soldier: Works out either way.

Demoman, clearly drunk: Spy, hit me another drink… wooOO HOOoo… Spy: I think you need a therapist and not a bottle. Demoman: I think yooOOoou need to shuUT YOUR MOUTH! Medic: Spy isn’t answering my messages. Sniper: Allow me. Medic: I tried 6 times, what makes you thi- Spy: replying to message Hello.

Soldier: I think it’s time I get my life in order. Engineer, narrating: But they did not get their life in order. In fact, they got drunk last night and befriended a raccoon. Scout: Sniper! This soup is flaccid! Sniper: LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS MEAN?! Medic, on a random band name generator: Oooo! They Might Be Depressed Horses! That about sums up my friend group. Scout: Helpful grammar tip: “farther” is for physical distance, “further” is for metaphorical distance, and “father” is for emotional distance! Demoman: My favorite part about Megamind is that he literally grew up on Earth around humans but is still confused about human culture and etiquette. Zhanna: So did I. He's not special. Engineer: Guys where did Scout go? Medic: They got arrested. Engineer: How the hell- Scout: *bursts in through the window* The cops are after me, I thought it would be fun to steal crackers and throw them at people. Miss Pauling: Soldier, we tried things your way. Soldier: No, we didn't. Miss Pauling: I did it in my head and it didn't work.

Demoman: I like your top, Sniper! Spy: I have a name, you know. Sniper: Sighs Why. Why are you like this? Demoman: How do you tell someone that you wanna have sex with them in a polite way? Sniper: Excuse me Lovely. Would you give me the honor of indulging in sexual activities with you? Miss Pauling: What the fuck is wrong with you two? Heavy: Is the Grinch his name, ethnicity, or job? Scout: It's a slur. Scout: *in a jail cell* What about my Miranda rights!? You’re supposed to say I have ‘the right to remain silent’”! NOBODY SAID I HAD THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT! Engineer: *in the cell next to them* You have the right to remain silent, what you lack is the capacity. Pyro, Muffled: Do you know the ABCs of first aid? Sniper: A. Bone. Coming out of the skin is very bad. Engineer: Engineer? Yeah, I'm enginEERING MY FUCKIN' LIMIT! Soldier: Heavy has no idea I’m high. Heavy: You’re high? Soldier: Oh, I’m sorry. Soldier, leaning over to Medic: Heavy has no idea I’m high.

Zhanna: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming? Spy: Can everyone in this godforsaken group please learn the skill called "Think Before You Speak"? Heavy: Ya know... it might be. Engineer: The smell of Home Depot is cathartic... Fairies live in the lights and chandeliers section, gnomes live in the outdoor gardening department... Spy: Stop romanticizing Home Depot. Engineer: Pixies live in the paint aisle. Fuck you. Engineer: Oh, fiddlesticks. Sniper: Look, I understand this is a tense situation, but let's watch the fucking language. Engineer: Why is it that I always lose things as soon as I need them? Sniper: Actually, it's not that you lose things when you need them. You lose them a while before. It's just that you LOOK for things when you need them. Engineer: Okay yeah thanks Sniper, that's great but WHERE'S THE FUCKING FIRST AID KIT? Applebee's Waiter: What would you like to order? Pyro: I'll take the apple. Applebee's Waiter: We don't actually sell apples. Pyro, visibly frightened: Okay then... I'll have the bees... Medic: Make her pussy wet, not her eyes. Spy: Make his dick hard, not his life. Scout: Break her bed, not her heart. Pyro, Muffled: Play with her boobs, not her feelings. Sniper: Get on his dick, not his nerves. Soldier: Always salt your pasta while boiling it.

Scout: Which country has the most birds? Scout: Portu-geese! Engineer: That's a language. Scout: Portu-gull? Engineer: Good recovery. Medic: I think you mean good re-dovery. Spy: TURKEY. HOW DID WE MISS TURKEY? Zhanna: Okay, if we can't do it by sheer force, we'll do it my way. Spy: But your way is sheer force! Scout: Pokemon is trying to slowly convince us Pikachu was always fluffy and I for one accept this future. Heavy: Did you think the mouse was just smooth and had yellow skin like a little simpsons demon?? Scout: Scout: Maybe. Demoman: What are you drinking? Engineer: Vodka. Demoman: Straight? Engineer: No, gay. Why? Soldier: *Kicks the door open, looking panicked* Engineer: What did you do?! Soldier: NOBODY DIED! UNFORTUNATELY! Engineer: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

Pyro, trying to comfort Sniper: What's the problem? Anxiety? Low self-esteem? Obsessive thoughts of random arson? I've been there. Sniper: But MuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuum... Medic: Can someone translate this? I don't know Australian. Scout: I'll do my best. Ahem. AY YO MA. Scout: Yum, thanks! Kidnapper: *puts more tape over their mouth* I said stop eating it. Medic, barging in: Syphilis! Engineer: Medic: Engineer: Pardon? Zhanna: I have no respect for this Santa character. Don’t sneak in through the chimney and undermine my authority by bringing my family presents. Walk in through the front door and fight me like a man. Engineer: You can't wake up if you never got to sleep. Sniper: Scout, remember when you said you weren’t going to interfere with my love life? Scout: No, that doesn’t sound like me at all. Engineer: I have a problem. Soldier: Kill it. Engineer: Can you chill for like, two seconds?

Zhanna: Are you okay? Heavy, crying: Yeah, it was just the onions. Zhanna: Picks up an onion What the fuck did you say to my brother? Sniper: Our relationship is strictly professional. Spy, sitting on Sniper’s lap: Absolutely. Only on business. Pyro: Do you ever think? Because I do not. Soldier: Screw lactose intolerance! I will consume as much dairy as I want! Soldier 2 hours later, crying on the floor: WHY DOES IT HURT SO MUCH?! Heavy, to Engineer: If Scout doesn't say "I'm King of the world" within an hour on that boat, I will give you my next pay check. Scout, within 5 minutes of getting on the boat: I'M KING OF THE WORLD!!! Zhanna: You know, I used to play back in my gory days. Demoman: You mean glory days? Zhanna: Ah, that too. Medic: Heavy, do you love me? Heavy: Of course I do! Medic: Would you still love me if I did something bad? Heavy: Well, of course I… would… Medic: I mean something really, really— Heavy: Medic, what did you do?

Engineer: Come on, Spy. Nobody actually believes that Soldier is in love with me. Spy, to The Squad: Raise your hand if you think that Soldier is helplessly in love with Engineer. Everyone raises their hand Engineer: Soldier, put your hand down. Pyro, Muffled: Dude, we can get mythical animals! Maybe I’ll get a penguin! Medic: Penguins are real. Pyro, Muffled: That’s the spirit, Medic! They’re real to me too! Miss Pauling: double checking supplies in the boat Compass. CB radio. Sunscreen. Pyro, Muffled: Hot dog costumes! Miss Pauling: I’m sorry, what? Pyro, Muffled: You know, in case we get lost at sea, and one of us, probably Soldier, goes mad with hunger, we’ll put these on. Soldier hates hot dogs, so they probably won’t eat us. Miss Pauling: Are you saying that Soldier would rather eat us than hot dogs? Soldier: I do hate hot dogs. Demoman: So, how long have you and Engineer been together? Soldier: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Engineer and I are not together. No. No. Demoman: Really? Sixteen ‘nos’? Really? Scout: I bet you can’t make a sentence without the letter “A”! Engineer: You thought you just did something there, didn’t you? Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but numerous sentences could be constructed without employing the first letter of the English lexicon. Demoman: Fuck you. Heavy: Uh, Engineer? Demoman is in the pool and I don't think they're waterproof. Engineer: What? Zhanna: I think they meant, Demoman is drowning. Engineer: WHAT?! Meanwhile Demoman: is drowning Miss Pauling: OH MY GOD, DEMOMAN! KEEP SWIMMING! Demoman: I can't swim, dumbass— sinks Miss Pauling: DEMOMAN!

Sniper: is hugging Engineer Zhanna: Hey! It's my turn to hug Engineer! Zhanna: grabs Engineer Demoman: kicking down the door What do you mean, "yOuR tUrN"? We agreed now is my time slot! Sniper: No, It's still my turn! Engineer: suffocating Guys, I love you, but just because I'm the smallest doesn't mean you can be huggin' me constantly! Zhanna: But we need the moral support! Sniper: And you're small! Which is cute! Demoman: If I don't hug you right now I think the depression will kick in and my body will stop functioning. Engineer: close to tears Well- I, I guess. Miss Pauling: Well, you know what they say: Can’t bake a pie without losing a dozen men! Pyro: No problemo! Pyro, internally: But it was all problemo. Miss Pauling: Are you sure this is safe? Soldier: Safer than Flintstone vitamin gummies in a bottle. Soldier: Keep twisting, junior! All you’re gonna get is clicks. Scout: I'd roast you, but my mom says I can't burn trash. Scout: slow-mo walks out of the room

AND ON THAT NOTE, YOU'VE {somehow} REACHED THE END OF THIS ATROCITY!

#AUHGGG #tf2 #tf2 sniper #tf2 scout #tf2 soldier #tf2 zhanna #tf2 medic #tf2 pyro #tf2 spy #tf2 engineer #tf2 demoman #tf2 heavy #tf2 miss pauling #IT #IT'S OVER #rubin report

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tuulikannel · 1 year

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I was bored and played around with the incorrect quote generator. The names I put in: Nagisa, Karma, Gakushuu. Some of these fit really well, some are pure crack. All pairings at least hinted at, I think XD

Nagisa: What do you think Karma will do for a distraction? Gakushuu: They’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do. Building explodes and several car alarms go off Gakushuu: … or they could do that.

Nagisa: Hey, Karma? Can I get some dating advice? Karma: Just because I’m with Gakushuu doesn’t mean I know how I did it.

Nagisa: If Karma and I were drowning, who would you save? Gakushuu: You two can’t swim? Karma: It’s a hypothetical question, Gakushuu! who would you save? Gakushuu: My time and effort.

Nagisa, holding a python: Guys I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him Karma: You did WHAT– Gakushuu: William Snakepeare

Nagisa: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time? Karma: The car takes a screenshot. Gakushuu: For the last time, get the fuck out.

Nagisa: Karma and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us Gakushuu: Sighing What did Karma do? Nagisa: They chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and… Karma: Who wants a steering wheel?

Nagisa: Gakushuu and I are having a baby. Karma: That's gre- Nagisa, slamming adoption papers on the table: It's you, sign here.

Nagisa: Karma, what do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean? Karma: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later Nagisa: Ok, I love you too, I’ll just ask Gakushuu.

Nagisa: What did you do with Gakushuu's body? Karma: What didn’t I do with the body? Nagisa: Karma: Okay, that sounded more sexual than I intended. I disposed of the corpse respectfully.

Nagisa: Are you sure this is the right direction? Karma: Certainly, I'm as sure as I am honest! Gakushuu: In that case, we're definitely lost.

Nagisa: Tell Karma about the birds and the bees. Gakushuu: They're disappearing at an alarming rate.

Nagisa: Fitness tip: never stop pushing yourself. Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Why not 9? Why not 10? Strive for greatness. Karma: Next time you’re working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Burn your ex’s house down. You can do it. I believe in you. Gakushuu: There were so many mixed messages in that I can’t-

Nagisa, at a restaurant: You guys should get the orange soda, it's amazing. Karma: Okay Waiter: Can I get you guys anything to drink? Nagisa: Orange soda, please! Karma: I'll have the strawberry soda. Gakushuu: Me too, strawberry soda. Nagisa:

Nagisa: HELP! I TOLD GAKUSHUU I’D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN’T COOK! Karma, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

Nagisa: If you had to choose between Karma and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose? Gakushuu: That depends, how much money are we taking about? Karma: Gakushuu! Nagisa: 63 cents. Gakushuu: I'll take the money. Karma: GAKUSHUU!!!

Nagisa: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container. Karma: The cow??? Nagisa: What? Gakushuu: Karma, W H Y?

Nagisa: I know you snuck out last night, Karma. Gakushuu: Play dumb! Karma: Who's Karma? Gakushuu: NOT THAT DUMB!!!

Nagisa: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life Karma: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind? Nagisa: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die. Gakushuu: edible

Nagisa: I’m kind of crushing on someone, but I’m worried about telling you who it is, because you’re not going to like it Karma: Just rip the bandage off. Nagisa: It’s Gakushuu. Karma: Put the bandage back on.

#assassination classroom #incorrect assassination classroom #shiota nagisa #akabane karma #asano gakushuu #karushuu #karmagisa #gakunagi

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queer-devil · 9 months

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Drdt Incorrect Quotes

Warning: A lot of these are probably ooc but I was just having fun so yeah

All of these were made using quotes from https://perchance.org/incorrect-quote-generator, my favorite quote generator

Whit, barging in: Syphilis!  Charles:  Whit:  Charles: Pardon?

David: Thank you all for coming.  Xander, wearing a hospital gown: When I heard you couldn't get laid, I dropped everything and came straight here.  David: Well, I couldn't imagine anyone else being part of the "Fuck David Task Force".  Teruko: Yeah, I interpreted that in a different way.

Levi: Ace is mad at me, and I'm not sure why.  Hu: Okay, did you talk before he got upset?  Levi: ...yes?  Hu: That's probably it.

Veronika: We all have our demons.  Veronika, grabbing Arturo: This one’s mine.

Ace: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS SLUT!  Charles: At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone.  Ace: Oh, I'm sorry. I should ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch?  Charles: Somehow that's worse.

Whit: Hey, babe, remember how I had to go to the pharmacy to pick up my ADHD meds?  Charles: Yes?  Whit: Well, it turns out they're all out for the next five days.  Charles: Fuck.  Whit: It's gonna be a fun week!  Charles: I'm going to Teruko’s house.  Whit: Nuh-uh. Through sickness and health, motherfucker.

Rose: Big day today, Nico. *holds up two shirts* Mustard stain or ketchup stain?  Nico: Mustard– looks less like blood.

J: I'm going to get myself some soup.  Veronika: Be careful not to burn yourself, it's hot.  J: Pfft, I won't burn myself.  *30 seconds later*  J, entering the room: I burned myself.

Charles: You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection.  Teruko: *Gives him a strange look and hands them a piece of gum*  Charles: *Thinking* Gum would be perfection. Gum would be perfection. I could have said gum would be nice, could have said I'll have a stick. But no no no no no, for me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.

Min: "29-34 Give a particular ecosystem and explain how could it be protected."  Xander: Forests, stop cutting down trees and don't hold gender reveal parties anywhere near them.

Veronika: You know, I used to play back in my gory days.  J: You mean glory days?  Veronika: Ah, that too.

Veronika: Go ahead, Charles. Let it out, cry. If you don't, your tear ducts will get blocked up, and then when you get old, you won't be able to cry.  Min: Just when we thought it was safe to let you back into the conversation.

Eden: What's worse than a heartbreak?  Nico: Stepping on a cat's tail and not being able to explain that you're sorry.

Min: You can’t have a gun on stage!  Veronika: WRONG AGAIN! I can have a gun, and I must have a gun, that’s the rule of Chekhov’s Gun: have a gun. And now that it’s been seen, I will have to shoot someone before the end of the play.

Eden: I'm so happy, I could kiss you!  Teruko: Um...Neat.  *later*  Teruko, lying face down on her bed: I said "Neat," Xander. Who the fuck says neat these days? It's not neat to say neat but I said it anyways because I'm fucking stupid.  Xander, reading a book: Don't beat yourself up too much, Teruko. Everyone gets nervous sometimes. Remember what I did when David confessed his love for me?  Teruko: Didn't you thank him?  Xander: *closes the book and looks at the ceiling* I fucking thanked him.

Whit: Adulting is hard.  Whit: How do I quit?  Eden: Time travel! Veronika: Die.

Charles: I feel like doing something stupid.  Whit: I’m stupid, do me.

Veronika: Teruko, what do you have?  Teruko: A KNIFE!  Veronika: Okay, have fu-  J: NO!

Veronika: Between Teruko, Arei, David, and me -- if you had to -- who would you punch?  Eden: No one! They're my friends. I wouldn't punch any of them.  Veronika: David?  Eden: Yeah, but I don't know why.

Charles: As a functional adult-  Whit: *chuckles*  Charles: … As a functional adult—

Eden: Where’s Veronika?  Whit: Around.  Eden: Around?  Eden: You don’t have any idea, do you?  Veronika, dropping down from above: Did you know there’s a space above the ceiling?

J, texting: Arei, will you please go to sleep?  Arei, texting back: What makes you think you didn’t just wake me up?  J, yelling: I CAN HEAR YOU CLAPPING TO THE FRIENDS THEME EVERY TWENTY MINUTES SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP!  J, texting: Just a hunch :) You goin’ to sleep soon?  Arei, texting: I’m trying  J, yelling again: TRY HARDER I HAVE A 5:45 AM MEETING TOMORROW BITCH  J, texting: Okay, don’t stay up too late or you’ll be cranky :)

Nico: I feel awful about killing you.  Ace:  Nico: Even though technically you never even died, so I don’t know what you’re bitching about.

Eden: Why can’t we all just get along?  David: Because most of us are assholes, Eden.

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fire-but-ashes-too · 7 months

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SOOOOOO

i was tagged by @rickie-the-storyteller over heeeereeee and it didnt let me reblog so new post!

LAFGSLKRGHLSKGH THIS IS SO FUN HELP WHY DIDNT I KNWO THIS EXISTED-

ANYWAYSSSSS

i gto very little ships (sadly) so im gonna go with both platonic and romantic ehehehe

Annexander (is it how were calling it?? idk) (@holdmyteaplease ur the expert on this give me a feedback)

Alexander: Think you can answer some questions without the usual level of sarcasm? Anne: If you can ask the questions without the usual level of stupid.

Alexander: *shatters a window and climbs through it* Alexander: *turns around and helps Anne through it* Breaking and entering is wrong Anne. Anne: Okay. Anne: Shut it Alexander, I only shook your hand because I had to. We will NEVER be friends. Alexander: Lets survive this together! Anne: I HOPE YOU DIE. Anne: Fellas, I gotta know for science. Is the opposite of red green or blue? Alexander: Technically a mix of green and blue? Anne: So blurple. Alexander: That's implying you're mixing blue and purple. Anne: Would you rather have fucking bleen? MOTHERFUCKING GRUE? Alexander: You were confusing before but now I'm scared Anne, holding a scooter: Alexander! Can I go outside and play with this? Alexander: Sure, whatever. I'm not your parent, okay? Anne, running outside: Thanks Alexander! Alexander, running out after them and screaming: NOT ON THE STREET! STAY AWAY! Alexander: It’s quick, it’s easy, and it’s free: pouring river water in your socks! Anne: Why would I do that? Alexander: It’s quick, it’s easy, and it’s free!

HELP CAUSE WHY IS THIS SO THEMMMM AKFGASKJGF

Anne and Indigo (the absolute besties)

Anne: So... what would you do if you were in bed with me? Indigo: Depends. Is your bed comfortable? Anne: Yes. Indigo: I'd sleep.

*Anne sends more than 5 messages in a row* Indigo: I ain’t reading all that. Indigo: I’m happy for you tho. Indigo: Or sorry that happened. Anne: I have a plan. Indigo: Good! As long as we aren’t breaking the law again, I’m open to hearing it. Anne: … Indigo: … Anne: I no longer have a plan.

Anne: Oh, so when crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, its “intelligent” and “really cool”. Anne: But when I do it, I’m “petty” and “need to let it go”.

ok... this is scarily accurate...

Alexis and Claire (friends to lovers complete dumbasses edition)(they have exactly 1 brain cell and they take turns being the responsible one. most times i gets forgotten at home)

Alexis: My hands are cold. Claire: Here, let me hold them. Alexis: My lips are cold too. Claire: *covers Alexis's mouth with their hand* Alexis: You’d be stupid to lay a hand on me. Claire: Oh, you’d be surprised how much stupid shit I do. Claire: You either buckle down and do your work or you’ll end up at McDonalds. Alexis: We're going to McDonalds if I don't do my work? Claire: NO- Alexis: What do you do for a living? Claire: I exist against my will. Alexis: Claire, I have a question. Claire: What is it, Alexis? Alexis: What color is an orange? Claire: Alexis, you bonehead! Its color is the same as its name. Just like a lemon. Alexis: I hope no one lowkey hates me. Alexis: Highkey hate me. Hate me with every fiber of your being. Alexis: Go big or go home.

THIS IS FUN. VERY FUN.

HOW TO CREATE CHARACTERS 101: NAME, BASIC VIBES AND THROW THEM AROUND IN THE INCORRECT QUOTES GENERATOR✨

tagging literally everyone i know on this one cause the world deserves to do this

@olivescales3 @albatris @bloody-neon @bassguitarinablackt-shirt @briannaswords @cabbojage @daisywords @desastreus @did-i-do-this-write @deanwax @digital-chance @enchanted-lightning-aes @ember-writer @eli-is-an-idiot @firesmokeandashes @fioreshere @guessillcallitart @gwenthekween @harleyacoincidence @holdmyteaplease @iannicellis @jaxypaxyhaxy @j3st3rfun3r4l @kooperation1101 @koala2all @lycaens @liv-is @lyonette-does-things @mayakern @nocturnalmohawk @quinnharperwrites @roisinivy @raspberrykraken @spicymochi @scifimagpie @the-mindless @unmellowyellowfellow @whynotcherries @writingmargo @writing-with-sophia @writeblr-of-my-own @wrenofthewords @yeahthatswhatimtolkienabout @yesireadbooks @your-absent-father @zihus @zillanovikov sorry if i tagged any

#NO IT WONT LET ME POST AAGAINNNNN #OKOKOKOKOK IT DIDDDDD AHHH #well damn #thats a lot of tags you got there huh

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jackiequick · 8 months

Text

Agents of SHIELD Incorrect Quotes 🔏

-> In other words, Nikolai, Melissa, Marlene and Amelia being idiots ;)

—~~—

Maria Hill: Report of your mission with Melissa Wallace.

Marlene: Target was taken out.

Maria Hill: Very go-

Marlene: Then I took her to a lovely restaurant. Candle lit dinner. I proposed by the end of it. She has my last name now.

Maria Hill: I—

—~~—

Nikolai: I can’t believe you live nearby, and you won’t let anyone crash at your place.

Marlene: You people already know too much about me.

Melissa: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won’t let any of us crash at your place.

Amelia: Leave the poor girl alone!

—~~—

Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.

Marlene: Shit.

Nikolai: Wait, three?

Cop: Yeah?

Melissa: OH MY GOD AMELIA FELL OFF!!!

—~~—

Amelia: Am I in trouble?

Nikolai: Take a guess.

Amelia: No?

Nikolai: Take another guess.

—~~—

Marlene, tending to Nikolai’s wounds: How would you rate your pain?

Nikolai: Zero stars. Would NOT recommend.

—~~—

Melissa: Is something burning?

Marlene: Just my love for you.

Melissa: Honey, the toaster is on fire.

—~~—

Nikolai: I can explain.

Amelia: Can you?

Nikolai: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.

—~~—

Amelia: Someone will die.

Melissa: Of fun!

—~~—

Melissa: I turned out perfectly fine!

Marlene: Babe, this morning you thought a ghost made your toast.

Melissa: I DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN! YOU DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN!!!

—~~—

Marlene: I prevented a murder today.

Amelia: Really? How’d you do that?

Marlene: Easy. Self control.

—~~—

Nikolai: *Kicks the door down looking panicked*

Melissa: What did you do?

Nikolai: Nobody died.

Melissa: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

—~—

Nick Fury: I know you snuck out last night, Marlene.

Melissa: Play dumb!

Marlene: Who's Marlene?

Melissa: NOT THAT DUMB!!!

—~~—

Nikolai: Are you sure this is the right direction?

Marlene: Certainly, I'm as sure as I am honest!

Amelia: In that case, we're definitely lost.

Melissa: Well shit!

—~~—

Nikolai: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you.

Amelia: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.

Nikolai: Absolutely not.

—~~—

Melissa: Man, I only ever see you awake, do you ever shut down or stop running?

Marlene: Oh, I’m always running!

Melissa: The question is from what.

—~~—

Maria Hill: You know those things will kill you, right?

Nikolai, pouring another glass of whiskey: That’s the point.

Marlene, smoking a cigarette: We’re trying to speed up the process.

Melissa: *Nods while eating raw cookie dough*

—~~—

Nick Fury: I think we're missing something.

Amelia: Teamwork?

Melissa: Cohesion?

Marlene: Research?

Nikolai: A general sense of what we’re doing?

—~~—

Amelia: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff.

Marlene: I witnessed the dumb stuff.

Nikolai: I recorded the dumb stuff.

Melissa: I joined in on the dumb stuff.

Coulson: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!!!

—~~—

Coulson: Anyone d-

Melissa: Depressed?

Nikolai: Drained?

Amelia: Dumb?

Marlene: Disliked?

Coulson: -done with their work... what is wrong with you people ...

—~~—

Marlene: Good morning.

Nikolai: Good morning.

Melissa: Good morning.

Amelia: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit.

Nick Fury: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS!!

Amelia: Just like that!

———

Thanks for reading! Keep it going y’all haha

Please like, comment and reblog for more like this one

Tags: @msrochelleromanofffelton @gcthvile @hanlueluver @gaminggirlsstuff @rooster-84 @superspookyjanelle @sherloquestea @blackheart-beauty @yetanotherwells @triptuckers and etc.

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aayo-whatt · 1 year

Text

got bored so i put the winchester gays and their angel "buddies" in an incorrect quotes generator here are the highlights-

why is there so much of gabe- ALSO THE GENERATOR SHIPS SABRIEL-

*out grocery shopping* Castiel: *takes a free sample twice* Castiel: Robbery and Fraud. I am a Rebel.

Gabriel: Why do you think I don’t like you? I do. I would kill for you. Gabriel: Ask me to kill for you. Sam: ...First of all, calm down-

Michael: The odds of this happening by coincidence are vanishingly small. Castiel: I would say infinitesimally. Gabriel: And I'd say teenily-weenily. We all know words.

Sam: You know, Gabriel, when you generalize, you tell general... lies. Gabriel: ... Gabriel: Are you trying to teach me moral lessons through puns.

Gabriel: I am not a lunatic. I have the psychiatric report to prove it. A slender majority of the panel decided in my favour.

Gabriel: Wait you like me? For my personality? Sam: I know, I was surprised too.

Sam: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon? Dean: I'm a knife. Castiel, from across the room: He's the little spoon.

Gabriel: There are some things beyond our understanding. We must accept them and learn from them. Because these moments of crisis are also potential moments of faith. A time, when we either come together or fall apart. Nature always has a way of balancing itself. The only question is, what part will we play? Sam: Did you just make that up? Gabriel: No. I read it in a fortune cookie once. Sam: Gabriel: A really long fortune cookie.

Adam: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life. Castiel: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind? Adam: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die. Gabriel: Edible.

Adam: Go big or go home! Michael: Please, for once in your life just go home. I'm begging you. Go. Home. Adam: I'm going big!

Sam: That's not funny. Gabriel: I thought it was funny. Sam: You don't count. You started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you started thinking of a meme you saw on Facebook.

there will almost definitely be a part two-

PART 2 PART 3

@gay-destiel ?

#spn #spn incorrect quotes #supernatural #supernatural incorrect quotes #dean #castiel #destiel #sam #gabriel #sabriel #adam #michael #midam

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ru-xia · 1 year

Text

-gang shenanigans

starring: big deal

genre: incorrect quotes

preview: pretty ooc, lighthearted bits to forget about the pain (and samuel's soon-to-be bald head)

Jake: I trust Sinu.

Samuel: You think he knows what he's doing?

Jake: I wouldn't go that far.

Samuel: Now, the recipe calls for 2 shots of vodka.

Samuel: *upends the bottle*

Jake: I think we're missing something.

Jerry: Teamwork?

Brad: Cohesion?

Jason: A general sense of what we’re doing?

Sinu, going over Samuel's resume: Okay, so right here, it states that you’re creative.

Samuel: Yes

Sinu: Okay... may I know what you create?

Samuel: Problems.

'Can I copy the homework?'

Jerry: I can help you with it!

Jake: Yeah, sure.

Brad: Bold of you to assume I did the homework.

Jason: lol nope.

Lineman: Wait, we had homework?!?!?!

Samuel: *Read 5:55pm*

*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’*

Lua: Thanks fam!

Jake: oh no

Sinu: who doesn't?

Samuel: Sounds fake but okay

Jerry: *A flustered mess*

Jason: can i get a refund

Samuel: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

Jake: Language

Jerry: Yeah watch your fucking language

Sinu: OKAY WHO TAUGHT JERRY THE FUCK WORD?

Brad: 'The fuck word'.

Jake: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time

Samuel: Oh my god he censored it

Lua: Say fuck, Jake.

Jason: Do it, Jake. Say fuck.

Sinu: You can de-escalate any situation by simply saying, 'Are we about to kiss?'

Sinu: Doesn't work for getting out of speeding tickets, by the way.

Jason: It’s dark in here

Brad: Don’t worry dude I got this

Brad: *Stomps their feet*

Brad: *Skechers light up*

Jake: I can’t believe you live nearby, and you won’t let anyone crash at your place.

Samuel: You people already know too much about me.

Jason: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won’t let any of us crash at your place.

Yeonhui: I know you snuck out last night, Sinu.

Jake: Play dumb!

Sinu: Who's Sinu?

Jake: NOT THAT DUMB!!!

*any big deal member really*: Hey, Sinu? Can I get some dating advice?

Sinu: Just because I’m with Yeonhui doesn’t mean I know how I did it.

Yeonhui: I've only known Jerry for a day and a half but if anything were to happen to him I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

Samuel: If you can’t beat them, dress better than them

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*

Sinu: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.

Everyone:

Jake: ...I did. I broke it.

Sinu: No. No you didn't. Brad?

Brad: Don't look at me. Look at Samuel.

Samuel: What?! I didn't break it.

Brad: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?

Samuel: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.

Brad: Suspicious.

Samuel: No, it's not!

Jason: If it matters, probably not, but Lua was the last one to use it.

Lua: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!

Jason: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Lua: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Jason!

Jake: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Sinu.

Sinu: No! Who broke it!?

Everyone:

Jason: Sinu... Brad's been awfully quiet.

Brad: rEALLY?!

*Everyone starts arguing*

Sinu, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.

Sinu: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.

Sinu:

Sinu: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

*The squad right before Yeonhui's wedding*

Samuel: Well I have to go, I have a wedding to attend.

Jake: Wait... Oh! I have a wedding to attend too!

Jerry: Oh, I have a wedding to attend as well

Lineman: I THINK WE ALL HAVE WEDDINGS TO ATTEND

Sinu, panicked: I THINK IT'S MY WEDDING

Jerry, in a high voice, holding barbie: hey ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!

Lua, in a deep voice, holding ken: nonsense, barbie. you’re staying home and having my kids

Jason: what the fuck are you guys doing?

Lua: playing systemic oppression

Brad: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

Jason: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

Brad: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING JERRY WITH ME

Jake, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

Jason: Jerry isn’t answering his phone

Jake: I’ll call

Jason: Brad and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-

Jerry: Hello?

*Lineman, Jason, and Brad are sitting on a bench*

Jerry: Why do you guys look so sad?

Jason: Sit down with us so we can tell you.

*Jerry sits down*

Brad: The bench is freshly painted.

Jake: How did none of you hear what I just said?

Lua: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Jason: I got distracted about halfway through.

Samuel: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

Samuel: Can I be frank with you guys?

Jerry: Sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is gonna help.

Lineman: Can I still be Lineman?

Jake: Shh, let Frank speak.

#source: ???#lookism #incorrect quotes #lookism incorrect quotes #big deal #sinu han #yeonhui #jake kim #samuel seo #lua lim #jason yoon #jerry kwon #brad lee #lineman

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oceangirl24 · 2 months

Text

Incorrect Quotes- AiP AU Edition

These are fun and I have nothing else to do.

Use this generator to generate incorrect quotes if you want to play too.

Same AU. Same Shawn.

Audrey: *kisses Jon* Jon: ! Audrey: ...Did you steal my chapstick? Jon: Did- did I what? Audrey: My chapstick, Jon. Did you steal it? Shawn: Audrey, for the love of God, not this again. Jon: I- No, I didn't steal your chapstick. We use the same chapstick. Audrey: No, there is absolutely no way we use the same chapstick, because it was only sold on one Etsy shop two years ago and they discontinued it, and I loved it so much that I bought the last of their stock, and I keep it in my freezer so it doesn't go bad. It's been discontinued for three years. No one uses the same chapstick for three years. So unless you've been eating a whole ton of something that's flavored like chocolate and popcorn, you absolutely stole my chapstick. Jon: Chocolate and popcorn? Shawn: Why do you think it got discontinued?

Jon: Let's just agree to both say we're sorry on the count of three. Jon: One... two... three. Shawn: ... Jon: ... Jon: See, now I'm just disappointed in both of us.

Jon: If there are no questions, we’ll move on to the next chapter. Shawn: I have a question. Jon: Certainly, Shawn. What is it? Shawn: What’s the point of human existence? Jon: I meant any questions about the subject at hand. Shawn: Oh. Shawn: Frankly, I’d like to have the issue resolved before I expend any more energy on this.

Shawn: Are you reading fan fiction? Jon, reading an article about extremely rare diseases: Wh- No. Shawn: Oh, is it on AO3? Jon: This is CNN.

Jon: Why are you always trying to aggravate me? Shawn: To relax

Jon : Stop failing. Shawn: Don’t tell me what to do! I'll fail right now! Shawn: *Succeeds* Shawn: Dang it!

Audrey: Where have you been all day? Jon: Oh, just dealing with things way beyond my maturity level.

Jon: How would you like your coffee?

Audrey: As dark and as bitter as my soul.

Jon, shouting to someone behind the counter: I need one vanilla latte with extra cream and sugar!

Audrey: What did you two do? Shawn: Jon : Audrey: You’re not in trouble, I just need to know if I have to lie to the police again or not.

Audrey: What are you two arguing about this time? Jon: They’re always using common phrases incorrectly! Shawn: Cry me a table, Jon.

Audrey, rushing into the room: It’s terrible, just terrible! I am so upset! Jon: Audrey, honey, sit down! Sweetheart, tell us all about it. Shawn, would you get Audrey some water? Shawn: What are they gonna do with water? Has water ever made you feel better when you were upset? Have you ever heard anyone say, “Thank God, the water’s here!”?

Shawn: Hey, Audrey, are you free on Friday? Like around eight?

Audrey: Yeah.

Shawn: And you, Jon?

Jon: Umm... yes?

Shawn: Great! Because I'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date!

Jon: Did they just-

#incorrect boy meets world #incorrect quotes #incorrect boy meets world fanfiction quotes #boy meets world fanfiction #autumn in philadelphia #jonathan turner #shawn hunter

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eclipsedcrystalstar · 1 year

Text

Was thinking of drawing some of these but lost energy while trying to figure out how to draw them

Decided to throw HSM into an incorrect quotes generator, here's some of my favorites.

Mind: I scare people a lot because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms. So when they turn around, I'm just kind of there and their fear fuels me.

Soul: You can’t have a gun! Heart: WRONG AGAIN ! I can have a gun, and I must have a gun, that’s the rule of Chekhov’s Gun: have a gun. And now that it’s been seen, I will have to shoot someone before the end of the play. Mind! Where are you?

Soul: Last night I found out Mind is a sleep talker. Heart: Oh, really? Soul: "The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell." Right. In. My. Ear. At 3am.

Soul: What are you two arguing about this time? Mind: They’re always using common phrases incorrectly! Heart: Cry me a table, Mind.

Heart about to provoke Mind: God has let me live another day and I'm going to make it everyone's problem.

Soul: I just had a long talk with Mind and Heart about hitting and now they are yelling “it’s my turn to perpetuate the cycle of violence” before hitting each other.

Soul: Would you slap Heart- Mind: Yes. Soul: I didn't even finish! Mind: Sorry, continue. Soul: Would you slap Heart for 10 dollars? Mind: I would do it for free. Heart: Rude…

Mind: Soul, get that hideous thing out of our brain, would you? Soul: Heart, Mind wants you to get out of the body.

Heart: If I had a face like yours, I'd put it on a wall and throw a brick at it. Mind: If I had a face like YOURS, I'd put it on a brick and throw a wall at it.

Heart: Can you pass the salt? Mind: Can you pass away? Heart: Too much salt.

Heart: We’re playing Scrabble. It’s a nightmare. Soul: Scrabble? Scrabble’s great. Heart: Not when you’re playing with Mind, it’s not. They put words like “ephemeral” and I put “dog.”

Heart: *holding a salt packet* It’s just a little sodium chloride. Mind: Actually Heart, it’s salt. Heart: That’s what I said, sodium chloride. Mind: Uh Heart, that would be salt. Mind: *takes salt packer from Heart* This is iodized table salt, which in addition to sodium chloride contains anti-caking agents and potassium iodate, which is added to prevent iodine deficiency. So not only are you being overly pretentious by insisting on using scientific terminology for everyday items, you are factually wrong. Your arrogance is your downfall, you annoying little shit.

Soul: Mind won’t come out of their room! Heart: Just tell them I said something. Soul: Like what? Heart: Anything factually incorrect. Soul, shrugging: If you say so. Mind, arriving moments later: Did you just say the sun is a PLANET?

#chonny jash #chonny jash heart #chonny jash soul #chonny rambles #chonny jash mind #incorrect quotes

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leffee · 19 days

Text

More lps generated incorrect quotes except this time I decided not to put them as screenshots but simply copy them like that because they're easier to read this way (stealing lps-incorrect-quotes' job :O):

Vinnie: Why does Sunil always do the laundry so loudly?

Russell: So everyone knows that no one helps him out in the house.

Sunil, in the distance: * slams the washing machine shut*

Vinnie: I woke up and chose VIOLENCE. I WILL COMMIT ARSON AND BURN EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND!!! I AM ANGRY-

Russell: Awwww, you're so adorable! Give me a hug~

Vinnie: Wh- What? NO, YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED OF ME! TREMBLE BEFORE MY WRATH-

Sunil, recording: This is so cute.

Vinnie, negotiating with Sunil

Sunil: We have Russell. Give us ten thousand dollars and he will be returned to you unharmed

Russell: Whoa, whoa, wait, you think I'm only worth ten thousand dollars?

Vinnie:

Russell: MAKE IT ONE MILLION-

Vinnie: Russell STOP

Vinnie: If you had to choose between Sunil and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose?

Russell: That depends, how much money are we taking about?

Sunil: Russell!

Vinnie: 63 cents.

Russell: I'll take the money.

Sunil: Russell!!!

Sunil: What time is it?

Vinnie: I don't know; pass me that saxophone and we'll find out

Vinnie: *Plays sax loudly and extremely out of tune*

Russell: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING

Vinnie: It's 2 am

Sunil: Yo dumbass, get over here.

Russell: Okay.

Vinnie: * gleefully runs past* I'm coming!

Russell, sadly: I thought...I was dumbass...

Sunil: Vinnie, I am questioning your sanity...

Russell: I never questioned it, I knew his sanity was missing from the start.

Sunil: Well, remember when Russell made a romantic dinner for me?

Vinnie: Sunil, he microwaved you a pizza.

Sunil: You bought a taco?

Vinnie: Yes.

Sunil: From the same truck that hit Russell?!

Vinnie, with a mouthful of taco: Well, me starving ain't gonna help him.

Sunil, driving Vinnie and Russell: So how was your day?

Vinnie: We almost got surprise adopted!

Sunil: What?

Russell: We almost got kidnapped.

Sunil: Oh, okay.

Sunil: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!

Sunil: Hey, did you know as a kid I accidentally ate paper?

Russell: I feel like we've all done that at least once.

Vinnie: I ate it too-

Russell: See?

Vinnie:-On purpose...

Sunil & Russell: ...What?

Vinnie: Sunil is too tall for me to kiss him on the lips. What should I do?

Zoe: Punch him in the stomach. Then, when he doubles over in pain, kiss him.

Pepper: Tackle them!

Russell: Dump them.

Penny: Kick them in the shin!

Sunil: No to all of those! Just ask me to lean down!!

Vinnie: *dies*

Pepper: Timer starts now! When is he coming back? I say two months!

Sunil: Bullshit. One month.

Zoe: Nah, half a month.

Russell, sobbing: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? A PERSON JUST DIED!

Penny, scratching chin in thought: One week.

Vinnie, rubbing his temples: I am not proud of what I am about to say, but someone get me a cigarrette.

Pepper: But Vinnie, we don't smoke.

Vinnie: Cut the crap, Pepper. I'm not an idiot. I know that one in five people smoke.

Vinnie: *points at Penny* One! *points at Sunil* Two! *points at Russell* Three! *points at Zoe* Four! *points at Pepper* Five!

Vinnie: Now, I am going to close my eyes, and when I open them, there better be a cigarrette between these two fingers!

Zoe: *puts a cigarrette in Vinnie's hand*

Vinnie: Thank you. ...Light?

The Squad: *all simultaneously pull out lighters*

Vinnie: You know, when Pepper comes over, Zoe can get a little…

Sunil: Psycho?

Russell: Scary?

Penny: Drunk?

Vinnie: All three.

Vinnie: Fine! Judge all you want but...

Vinnie, points at Penny: Married a lesbian.

Vinnie, points at Zoe: Left a man at the altar.

Vinnie, points at Sunil: Fell in love with a gay ice dancer.

Vinnie, points at Russell: Threw a girl's wooden leg in a fire.

Vinnie, points at Pepper: Lives in a box!

Since I copied them in text I thought that I could just change names manually if they didn't fit, but then I left them the way they were generated because I decided that it was funnier like that :D

#lps 2012

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koreanbibliophilegirl · 10 months

Text

(Part 2 of incorrect quotes for my dsmp superpower AU ig)

Also forgot to mention last time, I got half the quotes on this post & ALL of the ones on the post you're currently reading from ScatterPatter's Incorrect Quotes Generator!

Welp yeah that's all, uhhhhhhh enjoy??

Punz: Where are you going?

Purpled: To get ice cream or commit a felony, I’ll decide on the way there.

Tommy: What the f*ck is wrong with you?!

Wilbur: Wow, you could start with a 'good morning'.

Tommy: Good morning. What the f*ck is wrong with you?!

Tommy: Must be hard not being able to laugh.

Techno: I do have a sense of humor you know.

Tommy: I've never heard you laugh before.

Techno: I've never heard you say anything funny.

Eret: Go to Hell.

Ant, tearing up: I wish I could.

(A younger Phil and teenage Techno talking)

Phil: Jail is no fun. I'll tell you that much.

Techno: Oh, you've been?

Phil: Once. In Monopoly.

Eret: God, give me patience.

Ant: I think you mean 'give me strength'.

Eret: If God gave me strength, you'd be dead.

Skeppy: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you.

Bad: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.

Skeppy: Absolutely not.

Eret: Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve.

Tina: ?? I think you mean cards?

Foolish: No, she does not.

Eret, pulling out knives: I do not.

Purpled: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside.

Quackity:

Quackity: Purpled, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front gate entrance path...

Purpled: (Sips coffee from bowl)

Wilbur: Am I going too far?

Techno: No, no, no. You went too far about seven years ago. Now you're going to prison.

Tommy: You f*ckers don’t know about my knife stick. It’s a knife taped to a stick and it’s the ultimate weapon.

Techno, not looking up from his book: Spear.

Tommy: BLOCKED.

Wilbur: You're right.

Techno: That's... That's an unusual phrase for you. Did you just learn it?

Purpled: In light of what you did for me, you can hug me for four to five seconds.

Tommy: FORTY FIVE SECONDS?!?

Purpled: No! Four to five seconds!

Tommy: Too late!!!

Techno: If there's going to be a big dramatic scene, wait until I get back.

Phil: Of course. I can't flip this table by myself.

Dream: Someone will die.

Sapnap: Of fun!

Niki: How many kids do you have?

Phil: Biologically, emotionally, or legally?

Hannah: I'm 10 times funnier and sexier than you.

Sam: 10 times 0 is still 0 though.

Hannah: Joke's on you, I can't do math.

Ranboo: Do you take constructive criticism?

Purpled: I only take cash or credit.

Wilbur: So that's my plan.

Kristin: Are you alright with constructive criticism? I don't want to sound mean.

Wilbur: No, go ahead, I want to hear it.

Kristin: It f*cking sucks.

Wilbur: That's not constructive criticism.

Niki: I prevented a murder today.

Puffy: Really? How'd you do that?

Niki: self control.

Hannah: Look. I may not be a saint, but it's not like I've killed anybody. I'm not an arsonist. I've never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw the owner lived out of state so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground.

Sam: Okay, that's really specific, and that makes me think that you definitely did do that.

Techno: We need a distraction.

Phil: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises?

Clingyduo, whispering: Our time has come.

Ranboo: What time is it?

Tommy: I don't know, pass me that saxophone and we’ll find out.

Tommy: (Plays sax loudly and extremely out of tune)

Jack: WHO THE F*CK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING?!

Ranboo:

Tommy: It’s 2 A.M.

Tubbo: What do you think Eryn and Aimsey will do for a distraction?

Ranboo: They'll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do.

(Building explodes and several car alarms go off)

Ranboo: ... Or they could do that.

Hannah, trying to ask Tina out: Would you like to stay for dinner?

Connor, hanging upside down from the ceiling: WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER?

[Part 1] [Part 3]

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peonyb · 10 months

Note

I was playing with the incorrect quotes generator to pass time and these vibes... I feel they apply lol. What do you think?

Welling Route:

MC: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.

Welling: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.

MC: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??

Welling: Is it working?

Welling: I’m in love with you.

MC: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, dork.

Welling: I know.

MC: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool-

Venali Route:

MC: We have a problem.

Venali: No, YOU have a problem. I have an idiot who keeps making them.

MC in the rival route: I love you.

Venali, not paying attention: What was that?

MC: I said I’m selling you to the zOo-

Trivelyn Route:

Trivelyn: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers?

MC: Peonies, why?

Trivelyn:

MC: Were you going to get me flowers?

Trivelyn:

MC:

Trivelyn: ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ

Trivelyn (talking about MC): My crush isn’t picking up on my hints.

Welling: What hints have you given them?

Trivelyn: Well, I think about them a lot.

Trivelyn: And sometimes I even think about talking to them.

Hahaha these are so great! And pretty accurate too. The Trivelyn/talking about MC and Venali/we have a problem, especially. I love them! Thank you so much for sharing. They’re absolutely golden.

#TheMarked-if

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theangelwithawand · 11 months

Text

TMMM Incorrect Quotes Part 1

Yeah…I discovered the incorrect quotes generator. I know some of these have been done but…

Midge: I still have no idea how I’m attracted to you...

Lenny: Yeah, well, you’re stuck with me, and no take backs, honey.

Lenny: I would never say that my partner is a b**** and I don’t don’t like them. That’s not true… My partner is a b**** and I like them so much!

Midge: I have feelings for you.

Lenny: Why? What's wrong with you? Are you sure you're okay?

Lenny: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.

Midge: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.

Lenny: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??

Midge: Is it working?

Lenny: I want to be with you for the rest of my life.

Midge: Damn, that sounds like a marriage proposal.

Lenny, getting down on one knee: That's 'cause it is.

Lenny: I’m in love with you.

Midge: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, dork.

Lenny: I know.

Midge: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool-

Midge: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake.

Lenny: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear.

Midge: ...

Midge: You mean ring bearER, right?

Lenny: ...

Midge: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

Midge: Are you ready to commit?

Lenny: Like, a crime or a relationship?

Lenny: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers?

Midge: Peonies, why?

Lenny:

Midge: Were you going to get me flowers?

Lenny:

Midge:

Lenny: ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ

Lenny: Midge, you love me, right?

Midge: Normally I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won’t like.

Lenny: So... what would you do if you were in bed with me?

Midge: Depends. Is your bed comfortable?

Lenny: Yes.

Midge: I'd sleep.

Midge: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night?

Lenny: It was autocorrect.

Midge: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."?

Lenny: Yes.

Lenny: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-

Midge: I wrote you a poem.

Lenny, already crying: You did?

Lenny: Midge is playing hard to get.

Lenny: Little do they know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

*Lenny comes home absolutely drunk, undresses, and stands in Midge’s bedroom.*

Midge: Babe, are you.. coming to bed?

Lenny: No thank you, I’m sure you’re lovely but I have a girlfriend.

Lenny: *Lies on the ground and falls asleep*

Midge: ...

Lenny: I can't take this anymore, someone needs to take me out!

Midge: In a dating type of way, or an assassination type of way?

Lenny: I don't know, surprise me!

Lenny: Come to dinner tonight. I can’t cook, but I’ll bring plenty of free wine.

Midge: Marry me.

Lenny, throwing their head into Midge's lap: Tell me I'm pretty!

Midge, lovingly stroking their hair: You're pretty f***ing annoying, that's what you are.

Lenny: My crush isn’t picking up on my hints.

Midge: What hints have you given them?

Lenny: Well, I think about them a lot.

Lenny: And sometimes I even think about talking to them.

Midge: Ugh, crushes are so dumb.

Lenny: I know. Whenever I’m near the person I like I just start acting stupid.

Midge: But you’re always acting stupid?

Lenny: ...

Lenny: Yeah, don’t think about that too hard.

Lenny: I’ve been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.

Midge: Wow. They sound stupid.

Lenny: But they’re not. They’re really smart actually. Just dense.

Midge: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!”

Lenny: I guess you’re right. Hey Midge, I love you.

Midge: See! Just say that!

Lenny: Holy f***ing s***.

Midge: If that flies over their head then, sorry Lenny, but they're too dumb for you.

Lenny: Midge.

Lenny: Midge and I are no longer dating.

Midge: Lenny, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re married.

#tmmm #midge maisel #the marvelous mrs maisel #the marvelous mrs. maisel #mrs. maisel #lenny x midge #midge x lenny #midgelenny

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bitchysunflower · 10 months

Text

ok i think we all know about the incorrect quotes generator and I'm sad and that little website always brings me joy. so here are some steddie (and the gang) incorrect quotes! there's a lot of them because i have too much free time :D

Steve: Eddie and I have the kind of easy chemistry where we finish each other's- Eddie: Sentences. Steve: Don't interrupt me.

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*steve visiting eddie in the hospital*

Steve: Must be hard not being able to laugh Eddie: I do have a sense of humor you know Steve: I’ve never heard you laugh before Eddie: I’ve never heard you say anything funny

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Steve: Change is inedible. Eddie: Don't you mean inevitable? Steve, spitting out coins: No, I did not.

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Steve: *Kicks the door down looking panicked* Eddie: What did you do? Steve: Nobody died. Eddie: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

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Steve: Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. Everything is going to be fine! Eddie: How can you still say that? Steve: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.

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Steve: *Stubs their toe* FUCK! Eddie: Mind your language! Steve: What else am I supposed to say, “Woe is I”??? Eddie: Steve: You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes.

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Steve: Can you keep a secret? Eddie: Do you know anything about my life? Steve: No I do not. Good point.

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Steve: Do you take constructive criticism? Eddie: I only take cash or credit.

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Steve: I am not out of control! I'm a law abiding citizen! Eddie: Really? Name one law Steve: Don't kill people? Eddie: That's on me. I set the bar too low.

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Steve: English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though. Eddie: You need to stop.

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Steve: In light of what you did for me, you can hug me for four to five seconds. Eddie: FORTY FIVE SECONDS?!? Steve: No! Four to five seconds! Eddie: Too late!!!

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Steve: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming Eddie: Does anyone in this godforsaken group ever think before they speak

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Steve: In my defense, I was left unsupervised. Eddie: Wasn't Robin with you? Robin: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

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Steve, in a high voice, holding barbie: hey ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career! Eddie, in a deep voice, holding ken: nonsense, barbie. you’re staying home and having my kids Robin: what the fuck are you guys doing? Steve: playing systemic oppression

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Steve: I told Eddie their ears flush when they lie. Robin: Why? Steve: Look. Steve: Hey Eddie! Do you love us? Eddie, covering their ears: No. Robin:

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Steve: Eddie, what do IDK, LY, and TTYL mean? Eddie: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later Steve: Ok, I love you too, I’ll just ask Robin.

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Steve: Please bring home PURIFIED water with NO minerals added for taste Eddie: We got spring water Steve: NO. Robin: with EXTRA minerals Eddie: it's like licking a stalagmite Steve: DON'T COME HOME. Robin: Mmmmm cave water

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Robin: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Eddie? Eddie: … No. Steve: I do! Robin: I know, Steve. Steve: I’m sad! Robin: I know, Steve.

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Steve: I love you guys, you're the best thing that's happened to me. Eddie: We're the best thing that's ever happened to you? Steve: Yes! Robin: I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you.

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Steve: If I accidentally sat on a voodoo doll of myself, would I be trapped forever in that position, doomed to starve to death? Eddie: How am I supposed to know? Robin: You say, as if we don’t use you as a source of knowledge of the occult. Eddie: *sighs* Eddie: You wouldn't be trapped.

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Steve: While I’m gone, Eddie, you’re in charge. Eddie: Yes!!! Steve, whispering: Robin, you’re secretly in charge. Robin: Obviously.

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Steve: You have to apologize to Eddie Robin: Fine. Robin: 'Unfuck you' or whatever.

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Steve: I know you snuck out last night, Eddie. Robin: Play dumb! Eddie: Who's Eddie? Robin: NOT THAT DUMB!!!

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Steve: I can’t believe you live nearby, and you won’t let anyone crash at your place. Eddie: You people already know too much about me. Robin: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won’t let any of us crash at your place.

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Steve, trying to ask Eddie out: Would you like to stay for dinner? Robin: WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER?

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Steve: Hey Eddie, Eddie: Yes? Steve: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it’s on? Eddie: Eddie: Where’s Robin?

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Steve: I trust Eddie. Robin: You think they know what they're doing? Steve: I wouldn't go that far.

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Steve, about Eddie: Apparently we’re getting someone new in the group. Robin: Are we stealing them? Nancy: New or used? Steve: Wonderful responses, both of you.

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Steve: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling? Eddie: In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Robin? Robin: Probably “road work ahead”. Nancy: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.

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Steve, Eddie, and Robin are sitting on a bench Nancy: Why do you guys look so sad? Steve: Sit down with us so we can tell you. *Nancy sits down* Eddie: The bench is freshly painted.

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Steve: How did none of you hear what I just said? Eddie: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours. Robin: I got distracted about halfway through. Nancy: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

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Steve: You lying, cheating, piece of shit! Eddie: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD Steve: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING ROBIN WITH ME Nancy, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

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Steve: I think we're missing something. Eddie: Teamwork? Robin: Cohesion? Nancy: A general sense of what we’re doing?

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Steve, setting down a card: Ace of spades Eddie, pulling out an Uno card: +4 Robin, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you Nancy, trembling: What are we playing

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Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle. Steve: Shit. Eddie: Wait, three? Cop: Yeah? Robin: OH MY GOD NANCY FELL OFF!!!

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Steve: *Gently taps table* Eddie: *Taps back* Robin: What are they doing? Nancy: Morse code. Steve: *Aggressively taps table* Eddie: *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-

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Steve: Eddie, I'm sad. Eddie: *Holds out arms for a hug* It’s going to be okay. Robin: Nancy, I'm sad. Nancy, nodding: mood.

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Steve: Can I be frank with you guys? Eddie: Sure, but I don’t see how changing your name is gonna help. Robin: Can I still be Robin? Nancy: Shh, let Frank speak.

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#steddie #steve harrington #robin buckley #nancy wheeler #incorrect quotes #st fandom #steddie brainrot

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