#i think the problem now is that historically my sleep habits have been Really Messed Up by what can loosely be called insomnia my whole life | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jiejie-eonni-onee-sama · 3 years

Text

My mama is the best man in the universe...

For the lovely @marilynmonroefanfics 😍😍👄💕💕

Hope you’ll like it!

TW: Mentions of murder

"I swear to God that this case is gonna make me crazy!"

"Please, Detective, don't call out my father!"

Chloe pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed: currently, she and Lucifer worked on a murder case.

The victims, all members of a scientific research group, were burned to death, but it looked like the burning came from inside the bodies. An element that puzzles the detective, who sighed in defeat:

"Okay, so... What do you think about this case?"

"Mmmh... For sure, a mere human cannot do that. Unless he would be able to force his victims to swallow some combustible, strike a match, and... Burn baby, burn!"

"Very funny, Lucifer!"

"Pleasure's mine, dear Chloe!" retorted the demon with a seductive wink.

The detective rolled her eyes but can't help smiling at his antics: she knew he was only trying to light up her mood.

She reported her attention to the investigation file and said:

"According to our dear Ella, not a single trace of fuel was found in the victims' bodies. But how the killer can burn his victims to death?"

"Do you know what it means?"

"I'm afraid that we are dealing with a new case of a supernatural arsonist creature!" sighed the woman.

"I'm sorry to tell you that, but you're right!" answered the Devil with a comforting pat on her shoulder.

"After what I've seen before, nothing could surprise me anymore!"

"Well, you got the point!"

"Do you have an idea which creature can do that?"

Lucifer frowned, puzzled.

"It might be surprising, but this time, I don't know who can be the potential guilty!"

"I wish I know someone who can help us because this case is getting on my nerves!"

The fallen angel cogitated a long time before he exclaimed:

"Eureka! I know someone who can help us!"

"Really? Thank you! But who is this person?"

"Of course, my Mama!"

When she heard those words, Chloe quivered:

"What? You want to call your mother? After all the mess she did with you? She badly hurt you, remember..."

Lucifer bit his lip:

"Well, I was not talking about my birth mother. I explain myself. You see, Chloe, after my parents get separated, our mother rejected us. My siblings and I were raised by another person. He made my old man happy, and he treated us as if we were his own children."

The demon fondly smiled.

"He is very dear to me..."

"I can see it... Wait a minute: you said "he" are you sure you did not make a mistake?"

"No, you heard well: I was raised by two men!"

"Wait for a second... Do you just say that God is gay?"

"Bisexual would be more appropriate!"

Chloe shrugged.

"Well, after all I've been through since we met, I think that's not a big deal. Besides, if you say that your dad can help us, it suits me!"

She noticed how Lucifer seemed more relaxed after her statement.

"I'm happy to see that you're always open-minded!"

"You're welcome. Now, call your dad! We have a case to solve!"

"At your orders!" smirked the demon as he dialed the man who raised him.

Later, at Lucifer's penthouse.

Sitting on the comfortable couch, Chloe and Trixie watched with amusement Lucifer running around his penthouse, checking every room. Mazikeen, desperate by her boss's behavior, shook her head.

"Right, I put the whiskey on the table, and his favorite meals are here too... Where do I put the cake?"

"In the fridge, Lucifer!" answered Trixie, who chuckled.

"Ah yes: it is there!"

"Come on, Lucifer: it's your dad, not the Pope!" gently joked Chloe.

"I don't appreciate the mockery, Detective Decker!" growled Lucifer as he checked himself in the mirror.

"Don't take it personally, Chloe: he always gets stressed when it comes to his other father! He wants to be a good son with him," reassured Mazikeen.

"You know his other father?" asked the blonde woman.

"Indeed, yes. Lucifer's father number two is Petraeus, or Peter if you want, and he is a powerful being!"

"He is God's companion, so I think he might be as powerful as Him!"

"You're right. But I'm sure you're going to appreciate Petraeus. He is a brilliant man, you know. He is also smart and absolutely charming!"

"Well, I trust you."

"You can: he is more approachable than God!"

Suddenly, they heard a knock on the door. Lucifer stopped walking and muttered:

"Oh, hell! It's him!"

"Stop being alarmed: it's just your father! You know what? I'll open the door before you freak out in front of your dad!" smirked Mazi, who got up and walked at the door.

She opened the door and saw a dark-haired man with black eyes and fair skin. Dressed in an elegant white suit, the man smiled:

"Good evening, Mazikeen. It's been a long time."

"It's a pleasure to see you again, Master Petraeus."

"Don't be so formal! You can call me Peter, you know?"

"Sorry, a force of habit. But please, come in!"

Petraeus stepped in and said:

"Good evening, everyone!"

Lucifer rushed towards his father with open arms:

"Good evening, Papa!"

"My sweet demon!" beamed Petraeus as he held his son close to him.

Chloe smiled at the sight of her lover: she never saw Lucifer acting like that with other members of his holy family. He appeared to be close to his father.

Meanwhile, Petraeus stepped aside and looked at his son:

"Look at you, boy: handsome as always!"

"I had a good teacher!"

"Don't be so flattering!"

He glanced at Chloe and Trixie with a charming smile.

"Are these beautiful ladies the famous Chloe and Trixie you told me about?"

"Yes, of course: Papa, this is Detective Chloe Decker and her daughter, Beatriz Espinoza, aka Trixie!"

"Please to meet you, Sir Petraeus!" smiled Chloe as she shook hands with the guest.

"The pleasure is mine, dear Chloe. And don't worry: you can call me Peter!"

"If you allow me..." smirked Chloe.

Trixie jumped on her feet and held out her hand with a wide grin on her face.

"Hello, Peter! I'm Trixie! Please to meet you!"

"What a lively young lady! Nice to meet you too!" laughed Peter.

After he finished his greetings, he looked at the place with impressed eyes.

"You find yourself a comfortable place to live, my dear son. I see you accommodate it at your image!"

"Listen, if the Old Man made Earth at his image, why can't I do the same with my house?"

"Cheeky as always, aren't you?" grinned Peter.

"You know Papa: I've always been the rebellious one among your children!"

"I have noticed..."

The celestial spirit stopped himself as he remarked the table set with chic crockery and delicious courses.

"Oh, Lucifer: you should not have! It was not necessary to turn your dining room into Versailles' Hall of Mirrors!"

"Only the best for you, Papa: come on, sit down! Dinner's ready!"

The evening went smooth, and Chloe admitted that Mazikeen was utterly right about Peter. He was not only good-looking and kind but also intellectual - without being conceited. He had so many stories about historical figures to tell, which amazed Trixie.

"So you met all those people? That's soooo cool!" happily squealed the young girl.

"I'm glad that you liked my anecdotes, Trixie. You know that some of them were Lucifer's bedtime stories when he was your age?"

"Oh no, Dad!" groaned Lucifer, flustered.

"What? There is nothing to be ashamed of, sweets!"

Chloe grinned as she saw her boyfriend confused by some childhood memories. But she discerned in his eyes all the adoration and filial love he had for Petraeus, and she could swear he never looked at God like this...

Time went by, and it was past midnight when Trixie had to go to bed after she nearly fell asleep on the table. Once the young girl settled in a bedroom, the adults talked about the case:

"So, my dear son, you need my help if I understand well?"

"Yes. Chloe and I are working on a difficult case, and we think your knowledge would be valuable!"

"Alright, tell me more about this problem!"

"Everything we've found so far is in this folder!" explained Chloe as she handed a file to Peter.

Petraeus opened it and was taken aback by the horrendous pictures of burned bodies.

"Oh, dear! What a frightful view!"

"Yes, I agree. All the victims belonged to a scientific research group, and they were burnt to death."

"I see it. But what makes you think that you need my help?"

"Well, Papa, this is where the mystery begins. The coroner confirmed that the burn comes from the inside of the bodies. But there is not a trace of fuel! So, we come to the conclusion that a creature killed those people!"

Peter nodded.

"I understand now... Well, from what I can see, it looks like an igniting spell, which implies that the unsub is a fire-element being. However, I cannot determine if it belongs to Biblical, Coranic, Jewish, Buddhist, or pagan mythology."

"If you want, you can accompany us to the Police Department tomorrow. I'm sure Ella, our dear coroner, would accept to show us the three last victims!"

"Thank you for your kind invitation, Chloe. It's a good idea!"

The young woman thanked him before yawning:

"Sorry if I seem impolite, but I have to leave you. This day was a complete mess, and I need to sleep... And I'm sure you had a lot of time to catch up!"

"Go ahead, I'll join you later!" smiled Lucifer.

"Okay. Good night, Peter!"

"Have a nice night!" answered the celestial spirit.

As the detective left the dining room, Peter turned to his son and said:

"She is really exquisite, Lucifer! You rightly choose your soulmate!"

"Well, I must admit it: I'm lucky that she accepted me in her life. Chloe is the most amazing woman I ever met!"

Peter tenderly smiled at Lucifer:

"Seeing you so happy is a blessing for me! I was so worried that your banishment would put you down..."

The fallen angel saw a spark of sadness clouding his Papa's eyes.

"Papa, are you alright?"

"Sorry, it's just that... I feel so terrible not being able to visit you on Earth. But your father did not allow me to do so..."

He sadly sighed

"You had no idea how many times we argued about it. I told him that his punishment was above cruelty, and he did not even try to understand why you stood up against his authority!"

"I figure that he told you that you were too kind with me!"

"You know him well... Of course, I cannot disobey him, so I did not come visiting you either in Hell or Earth. But I send you some signs from me... just to tell you that you're not alone, and I'll always love you, no matter what happens!"

Touched by his father's sadness, the demon reached his father's hand and gently held it.

"Papa, I already knew it. You don't have to feel guilty: nothing is your fault. I knew about your messages: I kept them in a small box, and when I feel distressed, I read them, and it cheers me up. You always cared about my siblings and me more than our mother. I'll always be grateful to have you as my Papa."

Relief spread through Peter as he smiled:

"Thank you, son."

Lucifer glanced at the clock and stated:

"Well, time runs fast, and you maybe want to get some rest..."

"Good idea: all those emotions dried me out."

The King of Hell led his dad to the guest room.

"Here's your bed for the night! You have your own bathroom on the right with all the comfort!"

"I'll manage for tonight... Thank you, Lucifer!"

"You're welcome, dad. Good night!"

Peter leaned close to his son and kissed his forehead:

"Good night, my little demon!"

As he came back to his bedroom, Lucifer felt his heart happily swelling. He ached for the love of his parents for a long time, and he was more than happy to meet his Papa again.

Lucifer and his siblings were forever grateful to Petraeus for bringing joy back in their Holy Father's heart and loving them as his own offspring.

When he laid down next to Chloe, who was already asleep, the demon felt like his life on Earth was kind of complete...

The following day.

After bringing Trixie back to her home, Chloe drove to the L.A.P.D with Lucifer and Petraeus.

"Los Angeles is a quite unusual place. Even if it had a lot of lovely surroundings, I'm not fond of its nightlife. But I can understand why you choose to live here, my Lightbringer!" stated the celestial spirit.

"What can I say? I love the atmosphere of Los Angeles at night, and my nightclub is among the most popular of the city!" smirked Lucifer.

"How boastful you are!" gently mocked Chloe.

"Oh, honey, why do you have to hurt me?" pouted Lucifer while making puppy eyes.

"Because she knows you well, darling!" chuckled Peter.

A few minutes later, they arrived at the Police Department and headed to the forensic lab. When they entered the lab, Ella was already there, checking the last victim's remains.

"Good morning, Ella!"

The coroner rose her head and greeted her colleagues with a warm smile.

"Hiya, guys! How are you?"

"We're fine, thanks. Still working on the last victim?"

"Unfortunately: I scanned every ash, every piece of flesh, but I can't find any bloody clue! The only thing I found so far are traces of bindings on their wrists and ankles!"

She noticed Peter's presence.

"May I know the name of our dashing visitor?"

"Where are my manners? My name is Petraeus, but you can call me Peter."

"Nice to meet you, Peter. And you are...?"

"Ah yes: I'm Lucifer's dad."

Ella frowned, puzzled.

"But I thought Lucifer's father is God!"

"Well, I'm his other dad..."

When she put all the pieces together, she jumped back and yelped.

"HOLY COW! DOES IT MEAN THAT GOD IS GAY?"

"Bisexual, precisely. And don't worry, I had quite the same reaction as you when Lucifer told me!" explained Chloe.

Ella ran her hand through her black hair.

"Sorry if I appear rude, but it's a lot to handle in one day, and this is not what I was taught!"

"Don't worry, I understand!" reassured Peter.

"Auntie Rosalia won't ever believe it if I told her... Well, I'm pleased to meet another member of your family, Lucifer, but can you tell why your number 2 father is doing here?"

"My dear Miss Lopez, my Papa came to helping us in this murder case!"

"Really?"

"Indeed, my son told me that you were struggling with those killings!"

"Struggling is an understatement. Would you like to check on the body I'm currently working on?"

"Well, if you allow me, I accept with pleasure!"

Ella gestured for him to come closer to inspect the remains.

He inclined and carefully looked at the corpse. After his observation, he muttered:

"I can confirm that your murderer is a supernatural creature!"

"Oh no! That's what I feared!" sighed Chloe as she facepalmed.

"And what else can you tell us about it?" asked Ella.

"That it is from another mythology: so, it's not a Biblical demon who is causing this tragedy. I hesitate between a European creature and a Middle Eastern spirit."

At the same time, Dan Espinoza made his entrance into the lab:

"Hello, Ella! Anything new about..."

He stopped in his tracks when he noticed the presence of Lucifer and Chloe:

"Chloe, Lucifer..."

"Detective Douchebag..." gritted the demon.

Dan turned his head and remarked Peter near the body:

"Ella, are you mad? Why are you letting a civilian looking at the body?"

"Because, sir, I offered my help to your department." calmly explained the celestial being.

Espinoza asked his ex wife:

"Who's this lad?"

"You better show respect to my..." growled Lucifer, but his father stopped him.

"It's okay, Lucifer: I'll handle it!"

He stepped towards Dan and asked:

"Can I know your name, detective?"

"I'm Detective-Sergeant Daniel Espinoza."

"Espinoza? Oh, you must be Trixie's father: she is a wonderful child, you know. You are lucky to have her!" genuinely said Peter.

"Er, thanks... But how do you know her?"

"Because she and I met him last night at Lucifer's place!" explained Chloe.

"Chlo, you can't let someone you don't know near to our daughter!"

"But I'm not some creepy stranger, you know. Let me introduce myself: I'm Petraeus, or Peter if you prefer my human name. I am Lucifer's father... And by the way, I am God's husband!"

A silence followed this announcement before Dan yelled:

"WHAT THE FUCK? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? God cannot be gay: it's impossible! It's not written in the Bible!"

"But humankind does not know all about God, right? And I reassure you: it's not a witticism, but the truth!"

"But still: God cannot be with a man!"

"Are you just confessing your homophobia, Detective Douchebag?" sneered Lucifer.

"You, go to Hell!"

"Been there already. King of Hell, remember?"

"Well, just get back and don't piss me off!"

"Stop insulting my son! As for my marriage with God, I can assure you that it's true: we had a beautiful and sincere relationship for billions of years!"

"But I never heard about you!"

"I trust you: I prefer being discreet. But I'm sure you know my other name..."

"Your other name?" asked Dan, bewildered.

"Does your dad had another name?" demanded Chloe to Lucifer.

"I don't remember it..." answered Lucifer, confused.

At the same time, Espinoza urged Peter to tell him:

"And what is your other name?"

"Oh, I am sure you know it... You may also know me as Virgin Mary!"

All stood astounded by the statement... until Dan fainted, unable to handle it anymore.

"Woah! That was a shock, for sure!" muttered Chloe.

"Is he still alive?" inquired Ella.

"I don't know, and I don't really care!" scoffed Lucifer.

As for Peter, he cannot help but giggle.

"That's what I expected! This joke works every time!"

"I wonder where does Lucifer takes his mocking personality..." smirked Detective Decker.

"I had a good teacher!" answered the fallen angel.

"See, Chloe: this is how I handle rude people! And I must add that my dearest husband loves my sense of humor!"

"What can I say? You're the best man in the universe, Papa!"

"Thank you, my little flame! Now, let's go back to work, shall we?"

The quatuor worked all day to find answers to this tricky case. Thanks to their teamwork, they discovered that the scientific team went to Saudi Arabia three months ago and were in the middle of a controversial story.

Indeed, they were blamed for the accidental destruction of an old temple dedicated to the jinni. And to add more fuel to the fire, the wreck caused severe injuries to a native teenage boy named Yassin. They excused themselves for the damages and never paid for their responsibilities. Moreover, they fled back to the United States before any juridical process started.

When they learned that story, Chloe was appalled, to say the least:

"How could they act like cowards?"

"Well, they were more concerned about their careers than a human life! But it does not mean that I approve their behaviors!" stated Lucifer.

"Moreover, the young boy's family was too poor to sue the team! They gave up in exchange for some money! Some people are so heartless..." grunted Ella.

"And so, we cannot suspect them to carry out their revenge against those who wronged them: first of all, because Yassin is in a comatose state. Secondly, his family does not have enough financial resources to travel from their country to Los Angeles. And thirdly, we know that it's a supernatural creature who murdered some members of the scientific team!" itemized Peter.

"Do you think a jinn could be responsible?" asked Ella.

"There is a huge probability that a jinn can be responsible for all the murders. Furthermore, they perfectly control natural elements, and they are extremely ferocious towards those who offend them!"

Chloe looked at her watch and suggested:

"Okay, guys: what if we continue our work at my place? You are my guests!"

"With great pleasure, Chloe! I wonder where do you live?"

"Somewhere less luxurious than Lucifer's penthouse!"

"Don't belittle yourself, love. Your home is a nice place, too."

Later in the evening, at Chloe's home.

Once settled at Chloe's place, the four investigators were brainstorming with the help of Mazikeen, who came empty-handed from her research.

"But how a Saudi jinn can go to Los Angeles? I mean, there are two continents and an ocean between the two!" grumbled Ella, who scratched her head, frustrated.

"That's an excellent question... I'm not familiar with the Arabic magical world, much to my chagrin!" sighed Lucifer.

Trixie, who laid on the sofa, looked at the ceiling, a slight frown on her face. She really wanted to help her mum, but she did not know how... until an idea popped into her mind.

"Mum..."

"What, Trixie?"

"I wonder... What if the boy's family appealed to a jinn to avenge him? It can explain how the jinn arrives here..."

The five adults looked at each other with amazement: they obviously did not think about this possibility!

"Of course! How can I forget this?" exclaimed Lucifer.

"By answering to their prayers, he would not only avenge the boy but also make the scientists pay for the destruction of his temple!" concluded Ella.

"That's right, but I have to mention something: jinn need a human vessel to travel such a long distance. Like this, those spirits can save their energy and powers!" described Peter.

"It can be everyone else! How can we unmask him?" asked Trixie.

"Don't worry about it: I would recognize him without a doubt!"

"Okay, but now we had to find him before he exterminates the remaining members of the scientific team!" said Mazikeen.

Suddenly, Chloe's phone rang.

"Hello?"

**"Chloe? It's Dan!"**

"I'm listening..."

**"It's about the case you work on... I have some news for you!"**

"Go ahead!"

**"First of all, we had a janitor from the lab who said that he remembered seeing someone roaming near the building many times. He cannot give us a name, but the description matches with Terry Bradford, an ex-convict. He was often arrested for acts of violence and was among the suspects of a drug dealer's murder case."**

"Uh, interesting. What else?"

**"I don't think you're ready for this one, but do you remember the boy who was injured by the scientists in Saudi Arabia?"**

"Of course, why?"

**"Well, my contact in the Saudi embassy told me that Yassin was declared missing for one and a half weeks."**

"MISSING?" exclaimed Peter, Lucifer, Trixie, Ella, and Mazikeen.

"But that's impossible! He is in a coma!"

**"He is supposed to, but the nurses found his bed empty. Since then, they searched him everywhere but in vain!"**

"Oh, I feel that I'm going crazy. Do you have anything else?"

**"No, except that I'm searching for Bradford: his probation agent did not see him for several days!**"

"Okay, I got it: be careful!"

**"Don't worry: I'll manage, as always! Good luck!"**

After she hung up, Chloe asked:

"Have you heard the news?"

"Yes, and it turns this investigation into a brain-teaser! Now, we had another suspect!" sighed Ella.

Peter turned to his son and asked:

"Do you have any idea about it, son?"

"I'm trying to put the pieces together, but it's more complicated than I thought..."

Suddenly, the King of Hell had an eye-opener.

"Of course! How I did not think about it before?"

"What do you mean?"

"Tell me if I'm wrong, Papa, but jinns can manipulate people too, right?"

"Of course."

"So, he must have taken possession of Yassin's body, traveled from Saudi Arabia, and hypnotized Bradford, forcing him to kidnap the scientists!"

"This is a good analysis, son! You'll never cease to impress me!" fondly smiled Peter.

"Okay, so we must find the jinn and Bradford before they kill another victim. But, where can we find them?"

"They need an isolated place to accomplish their crimes..."

"I know! The former industrial site near the docks! It's abandoned for years!" shrieked Ella.

"Alright, let's check there! We'll probably have answers!" declared Lucifer, who got from his seat.

"I'm coming with you!" shouted Trixie, but her mother stopped her.

"Not so fast, young lady! You stay here: it's too dangerous!"

"Mommy, we live with Satan himself: there is no danger!" stated the young girl.

"She can come with me: I promise to look after her as if she was the apple of my eyes !" assured Peter.

"Trust my Papa, Chloe: the last one who dared scared his children is still traumatized by his anger!" affirmed the fallen angel.

"I confirm: he is as scary as God!" nodded Mazikeen.

"If you say so... Okay, let's go: we don't have time to lose!"

Soon after, the team drove to the former industrial site, hoping to prevent another murder.

"I never handle a jinn, so I don' know what to do!" admitted Chloe.

"Me neither, and I don't know Koran!" added Ella.

"Don't worry about the jinn, and focus on Bradford! Lucifer, Mazikeen, and I will take care of the jinn!"

"Are you going to hurt him? What if you hurt the boy instead?" asked Trixie, worried.

"You don't have to worry, Trixie: we'll handle it!" smiled Mazikeen.

A few minutes later, they arrived at their destination. Then, they wandered through the buildings, searching for the jinn.

"Do you see anything?" asked Ella.

"Not yet, but I'm sure we're not far from them!" mumbled Lucifer.

As they progressed, they bumped into Dan.

"Dan? What are you doing here?" whispered Chloe.

"I can ask you the same... And why Trixie is here?"

"Because my dad wanted so, and now, shut up and be useful for once in your stupid life!" snarled Lucifer.

Peter gently patted his shoulder.

"Calm down, son: it's okay! Now, let's go! I feel that they are not far from here!"

The group silently walked until they heard a painful scream.

"Oh, I hope we're not too late!"

"The scream comes from this building! Let's go!" said Chloe.

They came closer to the building and watched through a hole in the wall the remaining scientists, hanged by the arms at a butcher's hook. Circling near them, a tall blonde muscular man held a baseball bat in his hand, while an Arab teenage boy stood in front of them, a stern look on his face.

"We found them! It looks like the jinn wants to play with them before the fatal blow!" uttered Ella.

"We need to intervene before he burns someone else!" rustled Dan as he pulled his gun out of its holder.

"Who do you think you are? John Wayne? Can't you just think before you act, idiot?" snapped Lucifer.

"Shh, low your voice! If they heard us, we're doomed!" whined Trixie.

Meanwhile, the scientists begged for their lives.

"Please, don't kill us! We'll do anything you want!" pleaded a dark-haired man.

"SILENCE! All of you don't deserve my mercy, filthy humans!" growled Yassin with an unusual booming voice.

For sure, this voice did not belong to a fourteen years old young man.

"The power of his voice... It's not a common jinn we deal with: I'm sure it's a jinn-king!" muttered Peter.

"A jinn-king?" asked Dan.

"Yes, I'm afraid so... What is the plan?"

"We'll follow your idea: Dan, Ella, and I, we deal with Bradford. As for you, Mazikeen, and Lucifer, you focus on the jinn!" declared Chloe.

"It's good for me!"

The team split into two groups and prepared to intervene as the jinn was about to slay another victim.

"How could you be so stupid? Didn't you think you could run away from your crimes without facing the consequences?"

"Please, have mercy!" cried his soon-to-be victim.

"You begged me to have mercy? Did you show any compassion for the boy you harmed? None of you ever show commiseration for him!"

Suddenly, he was interrupted by the entrance of the team.

"Nobody move! Time to stop the fire!" ordered Dan as he aimed his gun at Yassin.

The possessed boy gave him an arrogant smile:

"Look who we got here! You must be stupid or too proud to dare to threaten a jinn, Daniel Espinoza!"

"How do you know my name?" asked the latter, confused.

"He is a spiritual being, Dan: it explains how he knows you!" told Mazikeen.

"Indeed, Mazikeen of the Lilim. I see that you don't lose your strength!"

"Do you want a demonstration?"

"No, I'd rather not."

He turned to Lucifer and smirked:

"What a surprise! I do not expect the King of Hell among us tonight! Nice to meet you, Lucifer Morningstar! Or should I say, Samael the Lightbringer? The fallen one?"

"Thank you for revealing my CV, mister King-Jinn! But the manners command to tell us your name!" snickered Lucifer.

"Try to guess!" mocked the jinn.

Peter stepped between his son and the jinn and said:

"I think I know who you are, King-Jinn Murrah Al-Abyad! Or should I say King-Jinn Al-Abyad, the White Demon?"

"Oh, interesting! I certainly did not foresee such prestigious guests!"

"What if you show your true form? I am not comfortable speaking with a possessed child!"

"As you wish!"

In front of the humans' bewildered eyes appeared a handsome brown-haired man. His ivory skin contrasted with his ebony eyes.

He was dressed in a sumptuous Oriental outfit: a dark red sleeveless vest that revealed a toned chest and a pair of crimson pants with embroidered flames. He wore golden bracelets around his wrists and ankles, plus a golden circlet with a shining ruby on his head.

"Undoubtedly, he is a King-Jinn!" muttered Trixie, who was hiding behind Lucifer.

"Indeed, urchin. And he loves to show off!" scoffed the demon.

Meantime, Peter and Al-Abyad talked:

"So, I finally meet God's beloved spouse, Petraeus the Benevolent! I've heard a lot about you, but I admit that I never saw your face until tonight!"

"Do I disappoint your expectations?"

"Not even the slightest. If truth be told, I expect Goddess's successor to be as powerful as she was! That said, no creature anticipates the Almighty falling in love with a man, as it is supposed to be a sin!"

Peter rolled his eyes:

"Thank you, I have noticed! But only humans said that, not my husband! But, you might guess that we're not here to talk about my marriage!"

"I figured it out: you're here to obstruct my punishment against those maggots!"

The celestial spirit nodded.

"I appreciate your concern about them, but you better mind your own business: I am offended, so they have to pay the price!"

"I got it: it was your temple which gets destroyed!" said Chloe.

"You're right, Miss Chloe Decker. But I assure you that I would have done little more than tormenting them if they did not act like cowards!"

The jinn furiously glanced at the scientists who were shivering with fear.

"But no... They wounded a child and made a family suffering because of their greed! You would understand that I cannot let this misdemeanor pass!"

"I understand what you mean, and I agree that they deserve a sentence for their misdeed. But I can't let you kill those humans like that: it's not fair!"

The jinn roared.

"You think THIS is not fair? But I'm doing what your so-called almighty husband should have done earlier instead of being passive. Self-judgment? Ah! What a pathetic excuse he hides behind!"

Trixie walked near the jinn and tried to calm him:

"Mister King-Jinn, I think Peter tries to tell you that there is no need to burn people alive!"

"NO TRIXIE, STAY AWAY FROM HIM!" yelled Dan, but Bradford stood in his way and tried to hit him.

"Back off, you jerk!" yelled Chloe, who kicked the thug in the head, knocking him out.

As for the jinn, his expression softened when he saw the young girl talking to him.

"What do you mean, Beatrix?"

"I mean... You did not need to kill people to punish them. There are different ways. I know you only did that for helping a young boy, and I'm sure your people are grateful to have you as a protector. But please, stop! I promise that my mama would punish them for what they did... And you can count on her for that!"

"My little monkey!" smiled Chloe.

Peter stepped near Trixie and added:

"You know children: they cannot lie."

Al-Abyad sighed.

"I know, but... No one would dare lay their hands on a child without suffering my wrath!"

"I know what you mean. I would be enraged to the core if anyone ever threatens my children. I know we are not linked by blood, but I love them like my own, and I would do anything to punish the culprit who made them miserable! You can ask Astaroth: now, he will think twice before considering attacking Azrael again."

He put his hand on the jinn's shoulder.

"End your crusade of anger, and let us handle this case. I swear they will face justice!"

Al-Abyad stayed silent for a long time, lost in his thoughts: he craved so much making those criminals enduring torments for their negligence. Nevertheless, he knew Petraeus's reputation as a dutiful man, and the jinn knew that if he said anything, he would keep his word.

Sighing, he conceded:

"Fine, you won! I'll let you deal with those pathetic creatures. But you better keep your promise, or I'll come back to finish my work!"

"Don't worry, I save a special spot for them in my kingdom!" sadistically smirked Lucifer, his eyes glowing red.

Satisfied by the answer, the jinn declared:

"Then, I shall go!"

"Wait, mister Al-Abyad!" exclaimed Trixie.

"What is it, Beatrix?"

"What about Yassin? Will he be alright?"

A small smile appeared on the jinn's face.

"Have no fear for him, little one. Yassin would be fine... and that's why I leave him to you: I want him to see that you will help him!"

"Understood."

"Very well. Goodbye, and may fate be kind to you!"

And he disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

"Well, that was an unusual encounter!" sighed Ella.

"Unusual? You mean unbelievable? Damn it, Ella: we met a jinn! A creature that only exists in fairytales!" squealed Dan.

"I'm sure Al-Abyad would be delighted to hear that!" sneered Lucifer.

At the same time, Yassin slowly opened his eyes. Looking at his surroundings, he realized that he was no longer at home and started panicking:

"'ayn 'anaa? limadha 'iinaa huna? 'ayn waliday?" (Where am I? Why am I here? Where are my parents?)

Peter hurried and held the young boy in his arms, one of his hands gently cradling Yassin's head.

"Everything is okay, Yassin. Nobody is going to hurt you, I promise."

The teenager sobbed:

"'amiy ... 'urid 'an 'araa 'ami!" (Mum... I want to see my mother!)

Gently wiping away the tears that rolled down Yassin's cheeks, the celestial spirit soothed the young boy:

"Shh, don't cry. You will see your mother soon. I'll stay here with you, I promise!"

"I am here, too!" added Trixie, who sat near Yassin and held his hand in comfort.

When he saw this scene, it reminded Lucifer of painful memories: he saw himself as a young child, weeping after his mother rejected him for the umptieth time.

He also remembered the warm embrace of Peter, who tried to comfort him. He heard his voice, calm and loving, who repeated that he will always be there for him and he'll always love him.

Coming close to her boyfriend, Chloe asked:

"Are you okay?"

The demon put himself together and said:

"Yes, absolutely."

"You seemed... touched."

Lucifer sighed:

"Maybe because... I remembered why my dad made the right choice, billions of years ago!"

Puzzled, Chloe turned and saw her daughter and Peter, comforting Yassin as paramedics checked on him.

She smiled:

"I see what you mean... Your father is a great person."

"Yes, indeed. My mama is the best man in the universe, and I won't tell otherwise!"

A few days later.

The group was gathered at Chloe's home to celebrate their success. Bradford was put in jail for his collusion in the murders. The remaining teammates of the research group were complied to pay damages to Yassin.

Speaking of the young boy, he flew back to Saudi Arabia, where he was warmly welcomed by his family and many people. He was even received by the royal family!

"It ended well, at least! I'm so happy to get some rest!" smiled Ella, sipping her glass of soda.

"So am I! But I'm sure we would never find out without Peter's help!" added Chloe.

"Don't depreciate your work! You did an amazing job, and I only contributed to help you!" humbly answered Peter.

"You are too cool! And charismatic!" beamed Trixie.

"Thank you, my dear!"

Suddenly, a small ball of light appeared in the room. It flew through the room before stopping in front of Peter. Then, it puts a piece of paper in his hand before disappearing.

"What was that?" asked Dan, utterly amazed.

"Let's see..." muttered Peter, who unfolded the note and read the following message:

Come back to me, my love. I need your presence by my side as huge as your absence makes my heart ache for you. Eternally yours. Your devoted husband.

"It looks like someone misses you!" smirked Mazikeen.

"What can I say? He is lost without me!" laughed Peter.

"Does it mean you have to leave?" pouted Trixie.

"Unfortunately, yes. But I promise to come here as soon as I can!"

He greeted the others goodbye before holding his son:

"Take care of you, my little demon!"

"Don't worry, Papa: I'll be careful!"

As he waved goodbye, the celestial spirit disappeared in a flash of light.

Even if he wished to spend more time with his father, Lucifer knew that Petraeus would come back one day or another. And this day, he would welcome him with open arms, like a good son...

Thank you for the reading!

I hope you liked it!

Can’t wait to see your requests and don’t hesitate to give your opinion (respectfully, please!)

See you later! 😘🥰💝

#requests #lucifer #lucifer morningstar #chloe decker #mazikeen #trixie espinoza #dan espinoza #ella lopez #tom ellis #lauren german #jon hamm #lesley ann brandt #scarlett estevez #kevin alejandro #aimee garcia

67 notes · View notes

kronecker-delta · 3 years

Text

Farscape Nier crossover and ideas

Snippet (from 2017) Farscape/Nier: Automata --- Her room was a mess. Scattered parts of her uniform and other clothes piled along along the sides, kicked there when she came and went. Her personal books disarrayed, off the shelf and toppled over by her bed. She'd been putting off cleaning again and with the recent arrivals none of the operators could be spared to make up for her bad habits. None of that mattered at the moment. White sat in her chair, staring out into the void. A souvenir of her old days in the ground based resistance held in her hands. The framed picture of pair of androids seated on the still smoldering bulk of the ruined machine behemoth a memory of a simpler, happier time. A knock on her door brought her attention away from melancholy remembrance. Before she could compose herself and more sternly tell whoever had interrupted her what she had meant by 'Only bother me if there's an emergency' another knock issued forth. Followed by a voice. "Hey White? You in there?" She froze. She had so desperately hoped that it wouldn't be him. *** "I've never been here before," White said apologetically as their transport ship came down beside the small lunar outpost. A tiny thing, compared to the bunker. Even given the greater volume underground for secured data storage and backup generators. "No problem. First time I've been on the moon," he said, giving her a reassuring smile that didn't quite manage to look entirely honest. His frown returning as they stepped out of the transport, the boots of his pressured suit crunching into the light dusting of lunar sand that had covered part of the landing pad. "Feels like I should say something... 'Great leap for mankind and all that' you know. Hey, is the Apollo site still around?" "It is. If you want we could visit there Commander Crichton." "Just John... or Crichton. Being called Commander all the time feels weird," John Crichton said. "I know I'm the last human but..." "I-I understand," White answered. Keeping her own emotions deeply locked down as they passed into the fortified complex of the moon server. Past the scant few technicians and guards and into a dark room, nearly empty save for a single console located in the center. A black void engulfed the walls, impenetrable shadows, as the terminals and screens had long laid dormant. "So now what?" His voice echoed in the room, which must have been far larger than they had at first thought. Low clicks and whirs came from the bulk of the machine, the long slumbering physical access port awakening. Lights flashed along the walls and beyond them, racks upon racks of computer systems networked together awakening. A great screen before them coming on and displaying a stylized picture of a tree, long dark roots stretching out from its base. OVERSIGHT AND RECORDING SYSTEM VER. 2.01 SLEEPING BEAUTY ONLINE. CONFIRM USER PERMISSIONS NOW. "Commander White, YoRHa access S-Class security," White said. Looking to her side and adding, "As well as a guest." CONFIRM GUEST'S IDENTITY. "John Crichton, Commander in the IASA," John said. "Born... 1969. June 6th. If that helps any." The computer sat in silence for a long moment, not responding, the screen frozen as the loading bar seemed stuck in time. They shared a look of confusion, both android and human wondering if the ancient archive might have crashed and who was going to have to go out and ask the few technicians to help reboot it. Then the room came alight, a dozen more monitors online, the totality of it awake for the first time in forever. HUMAN IDENTITY CONFIRMED BASED ON HISTORICAL RECORDS. YoRHA S-CLASS SECURITY CLEARANCE SUBSTITUTED FOR UNRESTRICTED SYSTEM ACCESS. S-CLASS, SS-CLASS, AND HAMELIN ORGANIZATION FILES NOW UNLOCKED. GREETINGS COMMANDER JOHN CRICHTON. HOW MAY THIS SYSTEM AID YOU TODAY? "What... what's 'SS-Class?' There shouldn't be a level of security above mine." NEGATIVE. THERE ARE TWO. SS-CLASS, CONTAINING SENSITIVE FILES DEEMED TOO DANGEROUS TO BE KNOWN OUTSIDE OF THE ADMINISTRATIVE COUNCIL. AS WELL AS FILES REGARDING THE HAMELIN ORGANIZATION, WHICH WERE TO BE SEALED UNTIL SUCH A TIME AS A HUMAN USER ACCESSED THIS SYSTEM. "We do this so that the future generations will have the opportunity to judge us for our sins." "Who the hell was that?" John asked, shocked by the computer suddenly vocalizing. Producing the sound of some long dead man. Old and ill, his voice straining to make the words clear into the recording. DR. EUGENE ADLER, HAMELIN RESEARCHER IN DEMONIC ELEMENT MANIPULATION EXPERIMENTS. BY HIS RECOMMENDATION AND THE UN SPECIAL SECURITY COUNCIL'S AUTHORITY IT WAS FELT THAT KNOWLEDGE OF THE HAMELIN ORGANIZATION'S INVESTIGATIONS INTO THE DEMONIC ELEMENT AND THE 6-12 INCIDENT COULD NOT BE PUBLICLY REVEALED UNTIL THE CRISIS HAD PASSED. John looked to White, hoping she might be able to explain something, anything of what the computer had just told them. But she looked just as confused as he did. "Ah... Computer?" YES JOHN CRICHTON? "Define 'demonic element' please." DEMONIC ELEMENT: QUANTUM OBSERVATION REACTING PARTICLES BROUGHT OVER BY THE ENTITIES INVOLVED IN THE 6-12 INCIDENT. TWO VARIETIES WERE DETERMINED UPON FURTHER RESEARCH. TYPE I, WHICH CAME FROM THE ENTITY CLASSIFIED 'QUEEN OF THE GROTESQUE' AMONG NUMEROUS OTHER NAMES ACQUIRED FROM OBSERVATION DATA OF LEGION FORCES AND PRE-SUBLIMATION MEMETIC CORRUPTION OF WHITE CHLORINATION SYNDROME PATIENTS. TYPE I MATERIAL HAS BEEN REMOVED FROM THIS UNIVERSE FOR THE LAST EIGHT THOUSAND YEARS FOLLOWING THE COMPLETE PURGING OF IT FROM THE EARTH'S ENVIRONMENT. TYPE II CAME FROM THE OTHER ENTITY, CLASSIFIED AS 'A DRAGON' NO OTHER NAME OR IDENTITY DETERMINED. WHILE HIGHLY REACTIVE AND DANGEROUS IN LARGE DOSES IT WAS FOUND TO BE STABLE IN SMALL AMOUNTS AND TO LACK THE MALEVOLENT EFFECT ON INTELLIGENT LIFE THAT TYPE I MATERIAL EXHIBITED. EVENTUAL CONTROLLED EXPOSURE AND SYNTHESIS EXPERIMENTS LED TO THE CREATION OF FOCUSED MAGIC ENERGY EFFECTS AND SUBSEQUENT DEVELOPMENTS IN FIELDS OF NEUROLOGY AND META-COGNITION AS WELL AS NUMEROUS OTHERS. PROJECT GESTALT AND ANDROID CONSCIOUSNESS ARE BOTH LONG TERM SUCCESSES OF THIS RESEARCH. HIGH ENERGY MAGIC WEAPONS WERE ALSO ATTEMPTED BUT LATER SHELVED FOR BEING UNRELIABLE. AS OF THIS DATE THE AMOUNT OF TYPE II MATERIAL PRESENT IN THIS UNIVERSE IS ESTIMATED TO BE 63 METRIC TONS, OVER A HUNDRED FOLD INCREASE IN MASS FROM THAT OF THE ORIGINAL ENTITY BROUGHT ABOUT BY CONTINUAL SYNTHESIS AND ITS NECESSITY IN THE CREATION OF NEW ANDROIDS AND ALL CURRENT GENERATION MAGICAL DEVICES. THE ANDROID WHITE HAS 6 GRAMS OF IT AS PART OF THEIR INTERNAL SYSTEMS, MOSTLY RELEGATED TO META-COGNITIVE PROCESSES. "Wait... wait!" John yelled out, grabbing onto the unused console as he stared at the enormous amount of text that had just been displayed. More and more appearing on other monitors, going into greater detail about all sorts of absurd things. "What do you mean by magic? And dragons? What the hell happened to Earth?" THE 6-12 INCIDENT. PLAYING ARCHIVED DATA NOW... *** Crichton sat on the edge of her bed. Looking down at his hands, fingers intertwined. He hadn't spoken since White had stepped aside and ushered him in. Neither had she. She had wanted to be alone, and had hoped that Crichton would choose to spend some time with his alien friends. Or his semi-human lover... "You know, it's kind of funny," he said at last, a low chuckle that surprised White. He truly did sound amused by the dark comedy of his situation. "What?" "Well, when I first realized you were lying about something... after I got over the whole 'android' deal anyway," Crichton said, looking up from his hands to look into White's eyes. "I was so certain that the deep dark secret you were keeping from me was that you all went Terminator on the humans and than got ashamed about it." White found herself smiling despite it all. "I guess I can imagine why you would think that. Even if we don't all look like Central European bodybuilders from the Old World." His expression collapsed, going from amusement to a shock so profound it looked like a stiff breeze would have knocked him over. White found herself confused and then very worried. Had she said something wrong? Then he started to laugh, slow at first, but building into something that bordered on mania. Rolling onto his back and shaking in the hysterics. "Haha... oh god... you have no idea, no goddamn idea how long I've wanted someone to get one of my dumb references," Crichton sat up looking far happier than he had a moment ago, the levity of their absurd connection dispelling the melancholy cloud that had hung over them since their return from the lunar server. "Like I love those idiots on Moya, but being around aliens on the other side of the galaxy for a few years really makes you long for some normal human conversation." "I... I think I can understand. Somewhat. It must have been very lonely out there." "Lonely, terrifying, insane... beautiful too. Space is crazy like that. Full of contrasts so sharp it's stunning. I-I wanted to bring that back you know? Not just to get home, but to show what I had found out there," he said, pointing to the stars outside White's window. "I guess it's too late for that now." "I'm sorry," White said. Noting the strange look that Crichton was giving her now she hesitated before continuing. "I'm sorry we failed." "Failed? Failed at what? Stopping a magic apocalypse that had already started before the first androids came online? Which reminds me, we're going to need to do something about them later. Those twin models that someone had the bright idea to shoulder with some fucked up version of android collective punishment." Crichton leaned forward, massaging his forehead as he did so. "That's probably only the tip of the bullshit you're dealing with and here I come with a whole new mess of problems. Maybe it would have been better if I had never found Earth." "No! Crichton you-we can fix things. I know we can. Not just your presence here or for getting access to sealed archives in the server. The technology you brought with you. It very well might represent a turning point in the war with the machines." "And what about the Sebaceans... the Peacekeepers? The Scarren Empire? Or hell, even the Nebari Establishment? Better gravity control systems and two hundred year old ship scale energy shields won't stop a fleet if it comes knocking at our door." "We'll do what we always have. Try and protect Earth and mankind's legacy from any aggressor. Whether distant cousins that no longer remember their home-world like the Sebaceans... or these Scarrens you've mentioned so much. We won't- we cannot retreat from this fight. Not now." White clenched her fist tightly, the glove creaking as she set a firm expression on her face. "I promise you Crichton, even if the past is lost, we will make a future worth fighting for." Ideas: I've been thinking over the ideas of a Farscape/Nier crossover some more, coming up with elements, themes, and specific scenes that would be fun to explore and write. These are some of the ideas I've had in no particular order. 1. Androids in relation to the Last Human (Crichton). Crichton is a self-admitted sci-fi geek, not surprising for a second generation astronaut that grew up wanting to explore the stars. He straight up makes comparisons to how he attempts to handle alien encounters to be inspired from watching Star Trek. Given that I think his relation to the androids would develop in a certain direction. Once the initial shock of a) the amount of time passed and b) that these people he thought were human aren't passes, he wouldn't feel comfortable having an intelligent race acting subordinate to him. I can see multiple incidents where some variety of complex philosophical quandary or just plain relationship question from 6O results in him telling them that humans really didn't have a better answer. Long term this would likely take the form of a very serious conversation where he points out that Earth, and what of its culture and history still lives, isn't in just human, whether the dead ones or genetically altered human descended Sebaceans. Or even in any hypothetical offspring that he might have. Basically, 'Mankind' includes them, as they're what's keeping the memory of it all alive. Aside from some bonding scenes between various androids and Crichton as they go over bits of alien tech, one idea I have in particular is that he takes a tour of moon landing sites, including the one his father visited. Effectively the only place he will ever see any lasting evidence of that man in particular. And the reaction of his android guide (White perhaps?) as well as the Apollo 11 plaque cements his decision to change the way the androids view their relation with humans, at least in so much as he can. 2. 2B and 9S (and others perhaps). I think there's a lot of fun to be had in placing the androids into weird situations with the aliens, and even more so if for some reason they have to head off away from Earth for a period of time. Since I can easily see the plan being for them to lie constantly. Lie about being human, lie about the 'Glorious Terran Federation' which is totally a military power that we didn't just make up, lie about what they're capable of, lies upon lies as they try and deceive the Scarrens and the Peacekeepers and keep Earth safe from either side those aggressive powers. In general I think 'Androids pretend to be human to deceive aliens' is a good plot for lots of stories, and could easily be turned into a rather long plot. Since the androids wouldn't want to let Crichton head off to parley with these alien aggressors on his own. And he could really use all the help he can get for whatever crazy ass plot he comes up with next. 3. Aliens would want Android tech. Probably just Scorpius, but others too if they find out more about Earth. I hadn't realized it at the time, but there was a period of the show where the hybrid Scarren-Sebacean was working with Crichton, and that would be the perfect opportunity for him to learn something about the androids and Earth history. And being him, he would look at all this extra-dimensional BS and android super soldiers and see potential weapons. He'd probably be disappointed that the Queen's Maso wasn't around anymore and that Hamelin Organization stopped human testing after Emil, since it would mean he'd be working from scratch if he could just get back into the good graces of the Peacekeepers and do so with enough of the demonic element to set up another research base. Hell, he'd probably try to directly convince Crichton get the androids to agree to serve the Peacekeepers, since that would technically put them back into contact with 'humans' if genetically engineered ones. Arguing that he could get the entire remaining population of Earth a ticket off world (to a nice Peacekeeper controlled colony where the can serve their new military overlords) if destroying the machine lifefroms proved to difficult even with a few starships to blast them from orbit. 4. The Terminals. The central intelligence of the machine lifeforms would likely reconsider its direction of evolution far earlier with a living human to observe, especially one that tries so hard to avoid aggressive resolutions. Even if that doesn't work, Crichton's crew and allies proves that he has managed to connect and form lasting bonds with entirely alien beings over and over. A direct repudiation of what the machine network had thus far found to be the fastest way to accelerate its own growth. Whether this would lead to a quicker conclusion that it needs to escape Earth and find its own destiny, likely expedited by FTL tech it took from the androids once Crichton revealed it to them, or an attempt at some kind of allegiance against the various hostile powers of the greater galaxy is unknown. While I can easily see Pascal and various pacifistic or non-hostile machine lifeforms being taken into account as potential allies the actions of the terminals past and potentially present would form a barrier to attempted cooperation. 5. Allying with the Worm Hole Ancients. The aliens that gave John Crichton knowledge about worm holes in the first place did so because they were running from an unstated catastrophe that had destroyed their home world. They originally decided against direct contact with Earth because it was likely to be divided and hostile. 21st century Earth that doesn't exist outside of Crichton's memories. It would be very interesting to see how they might react to finding out the new status quo. I've got a couple ideas that might be fun with them. One being that their dimension/time traveling tech lead to them accidentally creating their own personal Watcher related incident and the subsequent self-inflicted annihilation of their home world to stop it from spreading to the greater portion of the galaxy. Creating a situation where despite their far greater technological adeptness they find a reason to deeply respect humans/androids for facing down and defeating what they truthfully could not, reclaiming their world instead of burning it and running. (Though I'm iffy on that alteration/crossover expansion as it sort of makes them more like the Stargate's Asgard.)

#farscape #nier automata #fanfic idea

1 note · View note

narekashi · 5 years

Text

Blood Donation [Allen]

"Miss, are you searching for something? I'll be glad to help if so."

"Any friend of Count is my friend as well. Let's have some tea and chat, shall we?"

So yeet, finally I remembered to post my beloved ikemen Blood Donation. More information about them down below!! [Tagging @lovingsiriusoswald because she seems to like her djksnskdn]

Name: Allen

Nicknames: Ellen, Al Al (Arthur)

Birthday: August 15

Height: 167 cm

Blood Type: A

Physical

Eyes: Turquoise

Hair: Short hair that curves in and bangs that part in the middle

Accessories: Glasses that she wears when it's hard to see, usually wears contacts though

Features: Moles on both her upper arms

Illnesses: None

Social

Species: Pure blood vampire

Occupation: Writer and traveller

Relationships:

● The Count of Saint Germaine: Best friends. They stumbled across each other in a different century but have remained friends ever since. She often visits him while he always welcomes her into his mansion with open arms. Knows all of the mansion vampires to a certain extent because of him. They know each other's troubles and can read each other like a book.

● Leonardo Da Vinci: Annoying but good friends. Always has the urge to tidy up his things after he makes a mess even though she's kind of a slob herself. They have a running joke saying that the other is dating Count and bring it up whenever necessary around Count himself. They are interested in each other's works and loves to get nosy in them.

● Theodorus Van Gogh: Buddies. Finds him rather rude with all his nicknames but eventually found a way to brush it off by telling him she'll tell Vincent; problem solved instantly. Doesn't see him all that often due to the nature of his work but when they do, they go to the bar with Arthur.

● Arthur Conan Doyle: Buddies. Knew him purely through Theo because the other always dragged him around to bars and they just so happened to meet. She finds his works really interesting and asks tip from him all the time when they meet up while Arthur usually answers her questions and flirts. Often goes to the bar together.

● Jeanne D'Arc: Neutral. Has seen him fought before back when he was still alive but also thought he was a woman until she met him face to face. Finds him intimidating and beautiful.

● Napoleon Bonaparte: Friends. Sees him playing with the children on a regular basis in town and always joins them. He treats her like a child even though she is very much older than him which earns a flick on the forehead from him every time.

● Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart: Acquaintances. Enjoys his music very much and always stops to listen to it when he's playing his piano in his room. Would love to ask him tips on how to play the piano better but is way too intimidated by him. Also rather cross that he's so rude.

● Dazai Osamu: Teasing friends. Always plays with him in the game room and both have a fun time trying to figure each other out. Most of their interactions is trying to call each other's bluff out, thus having a much more teasing and fun relationship than with other mansion residents. (Besides Arthur but god knows how many people he has that kind of relationship with)

● Sebastian: Information sharing buddy. Finds his stoic face rather funny since he's always talking about historical stuff when she's around. She provides him with a bunch of facts from historical people she's met before and he provides her with a bunch of modern day info that he has (although she knows some of it from her trips to the 21st century). Never lets him know that she's actually terrible at history.

● William Shakespeare: Stays far far away from. Absolutely knows what he's up to but tries to stay away from him. Extremely wary about him but can have a decent conversation around him if she's with someone she knows well like Count or Leo.

● Vincent Van Gogh: Close friends. She admires him and loves his art works while he quite enjoys her presence around. The two often help each other with different things like critiquing each other's works and tasks and have gotten rather close over time. Unsure if she has a crush on him or not.

● Isaac Newton: Likes him. Always teases him with Arthur and Dazai. Loves to see him hear him rant about all the experiments and things he's been doing and finds him kinda cute. Is unwilling to go confess first since she's unsure if he feels the same nor has she sorted out her feelings for Vincent yet.

Personality: Open minded and seems very open about herself yet there's a feeling saying that she's not as open as she seems to be. Is always either spending all day in the mansion or spending it outside for a long time and coming back late, 8 am was her last record. Can hold very long conversations with all the different kinds of experiences she has over the centuries, making her quite a chatterbox; there are times when she's silent and would rather not talk but she's always open to listening. Always asks people if they are up for a drink whether that be Rouge or just alcohol in the bar. Doesn't fancy drinking from a human directly but can do it if she wants to.

Likes: Useless facts, conversations, cute and fluffy things, the modern world, music, tea (the real tea or rumours), stories, alcohol

Dislikes: Writer's block, time, her hair, not knowing anything, frustration, extremely sarcastic people

Skills:

> Sleeping in

> Origami

> Knows several languages but isn't fluent in all of them, fluent in only chinese and english

> Plays the piano (not very good at it)

> Convincing people

> Keeping a straight face (to the point it's scary)

Paired with: Isaac Newton(???)

Life in the mansion: Has to get woken up by Sebastian every day, has only woken up by herself a grand total of 5 times. In the mansion, she's most commonly seen in the gardens writing while enjoying herself or in the game room playing games with the others. She also frequents visit other people's rooms to talk and share a conversation with if she's bored. When she's outside, she often wanders off on her own and explores so she knows every square inch in the city.

Extra info:

> Getting her gender mixed up is rather amusing for her so she plays along with it and keeps her appearance the same to trick many more into thinking so

> Sleeps like a log, could sleep for days if no one wakes her up.

> Sleepy her is an airhead, almost like a small animal

> Rational and quick thinking is one of her skills but she's nowhere as good as Arthur so she often pretends she's not good at it.

> Has a habit of scratching her neck when she isn't feeling too comfortable, doesn't like the feeling of hands around her neck though

> Isn't very serious most of the time but when she is serious, she's deadly serious and scary (though she usually regrets it after her head clears)

> Loves fluffy things just as much as she likes smut, ironically cannot write smut even though she can get horny easily

> Headpats make her melt instantly

> Cannot handle being yelled at, it makes her very emotionally stable and would break down on the spot or later on

Bonus:

"... Did you enjoy the show, darling? Come out and show yourself, there's no where else to hide."

"Ah you're... that beautiful Miss from the library... Hm now that you've seen me, can't really let you escape. Feed me your blood please."

#ikemen vampire #ikevamp #blood donation #yes it's a hot ikemen girl that calls you darling and miss #because i love those tropes so much lay off me #i wanna be hot too sob #she may be my blood donation but i would allow her to suck my blood whenever she wants #ocs

75 notes · View notes

askblueberrymuffin · 5 years

Text

REALLY LONG CHARACTER SURVEY.

RULES. repost , don’t reblog ! good luck !

TAGGED. @vertebralheights sorta? TAGGING. I dunno, do what u want

BASICS.

FULL NAME: Sans Gaster

NICKNAME: Blueberry, Muffin, Blue

AGE: 23

BIRTHDAY: July 1st, 20XX

ETHNIC GROUP: Skeleton/Shadow Monster

NATIONALITY: Underground??

LANGUAGE(S): English, Wingdings(?)

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Asexual

ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Panromantic

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Forever alone Single

CLASS: Middle class? Maybe upper middle when their mom was around?

HOMETOWN / AREA: Snowdin

CURRENT HOME: Still Snowdin, same house and everything

PROFESSION: Sentry, but he’ll likely pursue higher education soon

PHYSICAL.

HAIR: Skeleton?

EYES: Usually cerulean blue.

NOSE: Nope

FACE: Boney (har har)

LIPS: Still skeleton

COMPLEXION: Guess what? Skeleton

WEIGHT: Like, 9 lbs.

BUILD: Bony boi

FEATURES: Solid shadow? In skull and ribcage? Also tiny nubby tail

ALLERGIES: Straight up a magic skeleton

USUAL HAIRSTYLE: No?

USUAL FACE LOOK: A bright smile

USUAL CLOTHING: So many sweaters. Too many sweaters. And baggy pants. And cerulean boots. Of course all topped off with his scarf, tied as a bandana.

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR(S): His brothers dying, Cake killing himself(again), Cake self harming(more), being abandoned, hurting others, using others, being alone, fire, being burned, the kitchen, ice picks, chisels, sledge hammers, lighters, people getting hurt because of him, people dying because of him-- *SLAPS ROOF OF SANS* THIS BAD BOI CAN FIT SO MANY FEARS and he hides them all so they never get any better, someone help him oh my god--

ASPIRATION(S) : He wants to help others however he can. He also would really like to be come a scientist, but he puts that aside for the former

POSITIVE TRAITS: Excitable, loving, affectionate, intelligent, optimistic, resourceful, adaptable, perseverance, determination, overwhelming kindness and forgiveness

NEGATIVE TRAITS: Depressed, fakes many emotions, fakes many situations, fakes his persona, shoves his own feelings aside constantly, takes all the blame, always takes the fall, forgives instantly, never blames anyone, too trusting, can be absent minded, easily distracted, never honest about his own feelings to other or to himself, won’t tell people when they’re hurting him, will do almost anything you tell him, he’s entirely too codependent, his entire life revolves around his brothers, if you take that away he doesn’t know who he is anymore, he’s content now but if he were to ever not be, that is a very, very steep slope with no coming back. Get this baby a therapist, someone.

ZODIAC: A hecking crab Cancer

TEMPERAMENT: He only gets upset when bad stuff happens to others or they talk bad about themselves. Otherwise you could literally stab him and-- WAIT people literally did torture him and he was not at all upset! Ahhh--

SOUL TYPE(S): Monster Soul?

ANIMALS: Probably some kind of dog. He’d be the goodest good boy.

VICE HABIT(S): He stress bakes and stress cleans. Don’t take that for innocence as he’s tried other things. A lot of other things. But he has 1 HP, hates the choking feel of smoke and can’t get drunk if his life depended on it. ...Perhaps it isn’t so innocent though, looking at all he does.

FAITH: Who needs gods when you’re a massive science nerd

GHOSTS?: Yes?

AFTERLIFE?: He believes there is none. A part of him hopes he is wrong.

REINCARNATION?: He’s a science nerd, he hasn’t put much thought into this stuff.

ALIENS?: He believes with the vastness of the universe, likely? He wants to meet one.

POLITICAL ALIGNMENT: Heavy shrugging? He only wishes the Queen were more open.

ECONOMIC PREFERENCE: None in particular

SOCIOPOLITICAL POSITION: He’s content where things are.

EDUCATION LEVEL: High school. He hopes to change this now that they actually have money--

FAMILY.

FATHER: Wingdings Gaster

MOTHER: D̵̀́͟͜r̶̶̶̛̕.̴̀ ̷̡̨̢P̶̧e̢̡̕n̷̷̨̧u̴̶m̡̛͘͠͠b̧͞͠r̴̷̨͞ą̧̛͘ ̸̨G̴̡͜͜͠a̵͜s̢̀͜t̢e͠҉̕͟r̷͏̢̢̀

SIBLINGS: Papyrus ‘Cake’ Gaster (younger), Papyrus ‘Rex’ (older)

EXTENDED FAMILY: Sakura Shalie (niece), Martin Magnus (nephew)

NAME MEANING(S): I dunno, ask their mom OH WAIT-- (imsorry)

HISTORICAL CONNECTION?: His mom was the royal scientist, while his dad killed the human who possessed the soul of integrity. Perhaps in certain timelines caused by a certain human, he may have been more historically important (winkwinknudgenudge)

FAVORITES.

BOOK: Pffff-- Textbooks, old scientific studies, non-fiction, history texts, books on space, really just picture anything nerdy. He loves it. Oh yeah, and sci-fi.

MOVIE: The first Star Wars film, he will fight

5 SONGS: Dollhouse, Sleeping Powder, More Than Words, Squid Melody [Blue Version], Cut My Hair

DEITY: Can I just put Phil Swift here? I’m doing it.

HOLIDAY: Christmas

MONTH: July. Birthday time!

SEASON: Indifferent. They all seem the same to him.

PLACE: Quiet places no one else can reach

WEATHER: Storms. Rain storms on the surface.

SOUND: Laughter

SCENT(S): Laundry, baking, cooking

TASTE(S): He loves tomatoes? In juice, sandwiches, food in general? Yeah.

FEEL(S): Warm, soft, physical contact with other living beings.

ANIMAL(S): He loves dogs? All dogs. So many dogs. He wants to pet them all. All dogs.

NUMBER: 9 now. XD

COLORS: He likes orange and blue. He says his favourite colours are his dad’s eyes. Which sounds adorable tbh--

EXTRA.

TALENTS: He’s a little smarty pants with a good memory. Helpful for science, helpful for reloads. He’s decent at cooking and is much, much to physically strong for his 1 HP?? He also has quite the great handle on his magic. Fighting him isn’t fun, at all. He’s only been fairly beaten once. He’s empathetic, great at reading people and a masterful deceiver. He could be a super villain with his manipulation abilities tbh, but he just hates the idea of using people.

BAD AT: He acts before he thinks. He switches from topic to topic and overpowers conversation. He’s quick to defend others and gets himself hurt like this more often than not, and mentally he’s an absolute wreck. He can be overbearing and clingy though, especially to those close to him. The more paranoid he becomes, the more annoying he seems in these ways.

HOBBIES: Reading, cooking, cleaning. He’s starting to get back into actual hobbies like reading with Rex around. He used to just not have them.

TROPES: He is about the best supporting ally and mom friend one can be. His best quality is being able to lift people up high. He however, cannot do this to himself.

AESTHETIC TAGS: #space , #baking

GPOY QUOTES: ((I don’t know what this is--))

FC INFO.

MAIN FC(S): No

ALT FC(S): Nope

OLDER FC(S): Nuh-uh

YOUNGER FC(S): Nadda

VOICE CLAIM(S): ((I have no idea?? The closest would be Cryaotic but I honestly have no idea the specifics))

GENDERBENT FC(S): Nah

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1: if you could write your character your way in their own movie, what would it be called, what style would it be filmed in, and what would it be about?: If I were to write it??? It would turn into something psychological or horror related. Blue would fit wonderfully in a deconstruction of the human(or i guess skeleton??) mind. Hopefully it’d be about him seeming alright but being an absolute mess and managing to realize there is indeed a problem and work through his issues with friends, family and some professional help. That’d be lovely.

Q2: what would their soundtrack / score sound like?: He listens to anything catchy, though likes chiptune and electronica. He’d probably make his own soundtrack out of other video game soundtracks though, he’s a doofus.

Q3: why did you start writing this character?: I... Don’t know?? Huh. Guess I did a little bit about... Three years back? I didn’t do a whole lot with him, but that’s around when he met his niece and nephew. Hm.

Q4: what first attracted you to this character?: Papyrus is my favourite undertale character. Sans is my second favourite. Mash them together and what do you get? A cool science boy! A sad cool science boy that covers his pain with laughter and smiles. Someone help him.

Q5: describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse: He won’t let anyone in, in any way that matters. He’s affectionate to everyone and it would be so easy to use and abuse him. He so strong in some areas and so weak in others. His whole life is his brothers and I’m often lost as to what I should make him do as he doesn’t keep hobbies really due to being busy. He never sleeps, works himself to exhaustion and picks everyone up despite being hurt himself. He thinks he knows what he is but he’s wrong. He thinks he’s fine but he’s not. He denies these problems in himself so hard that even he’s deceived by his act. It’s frustrating in a way even if it is interesting? As a writer I want to break him apart and crush him but as a person I want someone, anyone to finally see through this and HELP him. But no matter the hints I give or things I mention, no one has tried. I suppose he just hides it too well. Ahh...

Q6: what do you have in common with your muse?: Super depressed! Uh-- Ha, put up a mask. Hide pain with jokes. Try to see the silver lining in situations. Loooove space. And science. Psychology’s a huge yes.

Q8: what characters does your muse have interesting interactions with?: Citrus is always neat. Rex and him also have an extremely interesting dynamic. Fluff and him are adorable and fun, and I want so much more of them. Sakura’s is hilarious because she’s literally a god in her multiverse and she’s just accepted him as being able to break all laws of space and time

Q9: what gives you inspiration to write your muse?: The interactions and dynamics he creates with other characters as well as the unique story and plot aspects that can be created!

Q10: how long did this take you to complete?: At least two hours. Maybe longer. Oh jeez--

#meme #blueberry #ooc #maybe #too long #so long #ahhhh #tag #kill me

4 notes · View notes

madelainesvixens · 6 years

Text

CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT: CHAPTER THREE | FORSYTHE

Tuesday, September 29th

8:58

After an all nighter with Alice Smith, FP had trouble waking up for school on Tuesday morning. His dad had banged on his door, yelling at his son to wake up and FP almost didn't hear him. He was that tired. Not because Alice had worn him off in bed - he had an excellent stamina. It's just that with school, football practice/games and working a Pop's, keeping a regular sleeping schedule wasn't easy. Now that he had to up his grades, it was going to get tougher.

FP sat down behind his Math class's desk, rubbing his face with his hands in hope to wash his fatigue away. The bags under his eyes were darker than yesterday but they've seen worse.

''You look like hell, man. Did you have any sleep last night?'' Fred said, taking a seat next to him.

''Thanks, Andrews. You look good too.''

Fred glanced at his best friend again and pulled his eyebrows. It was hard to believe FP Jones was a ladies man with this appearance. His hair were unruly and although his white tee shirt was covered by his heavy, yellow and blue varsity jacket, Fred knew it came from FP's bedroom floor and not his dresser. Oh FP...

''Are you in tonight?''

''Yeah. Five to closure.''

Fred raised an eyebrow. ''You think you're gonna hold up?''

With a snort and an eye roll from FP as response, Fred dropped the subject.

12:21

FP walked down the aisles of the library, checking the numbers until he found the aisle 224. He had been drinking water from the fountain when a hand hovered the back of his jeans, squeezing once through the fabric, when an invitation to aisle 224 in ten minutes was purred into his ear. FP's lips had turned into a smirk, recognizing Alice's perfume and soft voice.

To the teenager's surprise, the library wasn't vacant during lunch hour. Students occupied the seats, books set on the tables right next to their lunch. The librarian had smiled at FP as he had walked through the doors and he politely returned it.

221.

222.

223.

224.

A smug smirk curled on FP's lips when he saw the biker blonde waiting for him at the end of the historical aisle, red and black mesh shirt giving him a good view of her bra. Her leather jacket was on the floor right next to her bag, a pack of smokes threatening to spill from the pocket. Alice made eye contact with the Bulldog and bit down her bottom lip seductively. ''Took you long enough,'' she pointed.

''I've never been here before.''

''I don't come here often either. It's not really my scene.'' FP crossed the distance between them, joining Alice at the end of the aisle. ''But, I'll let you on a little secret: 224 is my favorite.''

FP plucked a book from the shelves, reading the cover and huffed amusedly. ''Historical politics?'' he asked with an arched eyebrow.

Instead of replying, Alice grabbed him by the collar of his tee shirt and pulled him closer, crashing their lips together. FP kissed back, one of his hands coming on her lower back, pressing her against him while his other snaked up on Alice's side, feeling her skin under the thin top. Her dark painted nails curled into his tee shirt, grazing at his chest before let go of it.

FP moved his lips lower and grabbed her leather clad thigh as he kissed her neck, a soft moan leaving her lips, right before capturing them in a kiss.

No wonder aisle 224 was Alice's favorite. No one ever needed books from the historical politics aisle and it was in the far back of the library. Perfect for secret make out sessions.

FP's jacket joined Alice's on the floor before he hoisted the blonde up, her skirt ridding up, and backed her against the shelf, praying to god it was sturdy enough and wouldn't betray them. Alice smiled through the kiss, very on board with their new position.

While it was exciting to make out in the library, it was very restrictive. They had little space and couldn't make any sounds...or else they'd risk getting caught.

The teenagers pulled away, both panting and stared into each other's eyes with lust. ''Are we going to have sex here? With all those nerdy virgin ears around us?'' FP questioned, a thrill of excitement running through his head at the thought of fucking between two shelves. Alice stole a kiss from him. ''Do you think you'll be able to keep quiet?''

Although no one ever talked about it, there was indeed a written rule saying having any type of sexual activities on school grounds was prohibited. It was common sense. And, if it came to Mr. Featherhead's ears that two of his students had sex in his library, they would both get expelled. With their current financial situation, FP wasn't sure his dad would appreciate that. It wouldn't look great on his college application for sure.

Alice chuckled. ''You'd be surprised of all the things I excel at, Jones.''

At that, FP felt his pants tightening, creating ideas in his head. What 'things' was she talking about? Was it her blowjob skills because he'd love to experience more of that. FP thought that Vixen sucked him good two weeks ago but, now that Alice Smith's lips had been on him, he's not sure anyone could beat that.

''But, no. We're not going to.'' She freed herself from FP's grip, booties touching the tiled floor. ''You'll have to wait until tonight...you know, for our Science assignment.''

Knowing his dad would be having another night shift tonight, the coast was clear to invite Alice over but, FP had other obligations he couldn't cancel. Not even for a good fuck. ''I'm working until closure tonight.''

''That's too bad, uh?'' Alice bent down to grab her bag and jacket, giving FP a perfect glance at her ass. He chewed down his bottom lip at the sight. Fuck, he wanted to tap that. Her leather mini outranked the cheerleaders's uniform without hesitation. Icing on the cake: he bet that Alice was wearing some skimpy underwear and not obligatory biker shorts. ''I guess I'll see you in class then.''

Friday, October 2nd

21:52

FP didn't hear of Alice until Friday. Friday was also a game night...and, be default the night his old man chose to invite his buddies at home for a drink.

It was almost ten when FP came home from the game. He was supposed to drop his bag, change and go to Mantle's for an after-game party but his plans were cancelled as soon as he stepped inside, the strong smell of whiskey filling his nostrils.

''Dad?''

No response. His truck was outside, he was home.

''Dad?'' he tried again but still nothing. FP toed off his shoes and walked down the hall, following the alcohol odor. ''I'm home. We won against Greendale, I-'' FP stopped himself mid sentence as he stepped into the living room. ''Shit.''

Forsythe was passed out on their couch, a bottle of whiskey smashed on the floor, the brown liquid spilled around it. He must've passed out holding it.

Dropping his bag on the floor, FP sighed and went to the kitchen to grab a cloth and the trash to clean up the mess on the floor before his dad would wake up and step on the pieces of glass. Last thing they needed was for Forsythe to get injured because of his drinking habits. How would they pay the bills? Certainly not with FP's part-time job a Pop's.

Having to clean up behind his dad became part of FP's routine. Every Friday nights he'd come home to empty beer bottles scattered around and a drunk father - sometimes passed out, sometimes not. On night he was still awake, Forsythe didn't have a clear mind. He'd pick up fights over silly things and once even hit his son. Sometimes, some of his dad's buddies were still there when FP came home and FP was quick to understand how pigs they were. Swearing left and right, talking shit about their wives and even puking on the floor. Honestly, it was nothing to be proud of.

FP was in the middle of cleaning up the sticky top of the table when the doorbell went off.

The teenager stiffened and stopped his cleaning. Who was that?

He checked the clock on the wall, realizing it was ten-thirty. Fuck. That must be Fred. FP had told him he'd meet him at his place in fifteen minutes. Fred must've been sick of waiting and decided to come and see what's taking so long.

The doorbell went off again, and again, and again. FP furrowed his eyebrows. Fred never pressed the doorbell repeatedly.

The raven haired boy set the cloth on the table and answered the door. Instead his fellow Bulldog and best friend, a beautiful blonde stood on his doorstep.

''Alice?''

In any other situation, FP would've been happy to see her but his father was passed out on their couch and his house reeked of alcohol.

''Are you going to let me in, or?'' Alice asked, arching an eyebrow. ''If I stay outside any longer, my left boob is going to freeze off.''

FP hesitated for a few second and reluctantly let her in, opening the door to his darkest secret, the one tried to cover it all up for years.

To his surprise, she didn't make any comments about the strong smell of whiskey nor his father's passed out figure of the couch. She knew better than to stick her nose in the Jones's businesses.

Alice took off her jacket, setting it on the arm of the lazy-boy chair. It was no surprise she was cold, she only wore a bustier and an open wave knit sweater under her jacket. Not a very smart choice for an October night. ''I thought you'd be at Mantle's party. I took a chance by coming here.''

''I intended to go but...yeah.'' FP nodded at his dad.

He returned to the table he wasn't finished cleaning. While it was rude to clean while having guests over, he didn't really have a choice. He knew very well his dad won't clean up when he'll wake up from his deep sleep.

''You don't have to be embarrassed. I'm not gonna judge you over your dad's alcohol problems, FP,'' she said, picking up two empty bottles from the floor and carried them to the kitchen.

FP heard the clinking of the glass bottles and whirled his head around, seeing the blonde carrying bottles. ''What are you doing? You don't have to clean up after my dad.''

''Neither do you. You're not his damn servant,'' Alice pointed. ''He's an adult and should be looking out for you, not the other way around.''

Ever since his dad started drinking on the daily, a lot of his responsibilities had fallen on FP's shoulders because all his old man cared about was his six pack of beer he'd be downing the second he gets home from work. Most of the time, their fridge was empty bare from a carton of milk. Home cooked meals had been replaced by take out boxes and their weekly father-son dinner at Pop's had been replaced by FP getting a job at the infamous diner.

What would Forsythe do without FP? He could barely take care of himself, let alone do the laundry or cook.

''If I don't, who will?'' FP snapped.

He sighed, regretting it immediately. Alice was trying to help and he yelled at her. Wow, he's acting like his father when he's had too many beers... Guess the apple didn't fall far from the tree, uh? That thought made the teenager froze. No. No, no. FP had sworn himself he would never become him.

Alice narrowed her blue eyes at him. ''Hey! Do not talk to me on that tone,'' she warned. ''If I wanted to get yelled at, I would've stayed at home.''

''Sorry,'' he apologized. ''It's just-'' FP pinched the bridge of his nose and, recognizing the gesture as a sign of stress, Alice joined him on the floor. He sensed the proximity of her body and looked up. ''If I don't clean up and cover his track, our nosey neighbor will call the child protective services again and I might get taken away this time. They've had an eye on my dad for a couple months and if I get taken away, he will have no one. I'm all he has, Alice, I can't leave him. What will he do without me?''

If the situation was in reverse, FP could easily go to Fred's. They've been best friends for a long time and his dad loved him. When they were kids, they used to have sleepovers every weekends and would spend the whole summer together. Still today, the Andrews invited FP for dinner at least once a week and FP couldn't be more happy to skip a take out meal. Mr. Andrews was more of a father figure to him than his biological father was.

''No one knows. Beside you.''

Alice offered him a soft smile and put her hand over FP's in support. ''Consider your secret safe with me.''

NEXT CHAPTER (X)

#falice #call it what you want #call it what you want chapter 3 #fp jones #fic #riverdale fic #falice fic #Alice Cooper

5 notes · View notes

broadhurstblog-blog · 5 years

Text

A rough draft/timeline...

Once upon a time, I was a quiet child, who excelled in sports and could string together good sentences every now and again.

I received a certificate at the end of my first year in a boy’s secondary school in East Hertfordshire, by my departing English teacher called Ms Prole. It was certified that I was ‘Most Daydreaming Pupil.’

I was a child who lived inside his imagination, thought deeply about things. I had a fair amount of friends, most of them being at least two years older than me.

We would break into old bomb shelters, explore hard, found a small woods that contained concrete bunkers, and convinced ourselves we had discovered a secret, disused American airbases. I would go on long bike rides, often finding great secluded bodies of water that contained hard to catch fish. I played for a local bottom of the league football team, on often flooded fields that used to be paddocks.

Then something changed.My granddad died when I was twelve.Losing a wonderfully wise man whose wisdom I took for granted, well, it hit me really hard.My thoughts seemed to constantly focus on death.Over the course of the next year or so, my behaviour changed drastically, I became extremely undisciplined, argumentative, I got suspended from school on several occasions.With the help of an Educational Officer – psychiatrists and psychologists took an interest in me.After a few sessions with various medical professionals, my parents were informed with confidence that I had a condition called manic depression and that it was caused by a chemical imbalance/ deficiency of a salt in my brain.After being sure that my heart, kidney or liver was free from defects, I was prescribed Lithium Carbonate.

I took the medication most days between the ages of 14 and 18.

At first, my behaviour did not improve, and it was decided that I should spend time in an adolescent unit of the psychiatric wing of a hospital near St. Albans.

It was a very strange place, most of the resident children there were unwanted orphans I seem to remember.

A lot of the nurses were very heavy-handed in their restraint techniques, and doctors loved nothing more than to sedate those of us not willing to take part in various group activities.

The heavy-handed ways, the use of an exclusion room and the sedation syrup, for even the smallest of infractions – it makes me question the ethics and morals of some of the staff, but nothing I was privy to was against the law as far as I can tell. (There has been stories in the news recently about the police investigating historic abuse allegations, I can’t testify to being abused, but it certainly wasn’t the holiday camp that the staff tried to portray to my parents. Maybe the memories of that place would have been a lot worse without a father and mother looking out for me).

After a couple of months I was back to school.

I was the shadow of my former daydreaming self, but I no longer displayed as much unruly behaviour.

I had lost virtually all my friends, I was increasingly paranoid, socially withdrawn.

I was behind in my school work, and I wasn’t able to catch up.

By the time I was 15 I had the choice of resitting the year or joining another school out of the area 18 miles away, to be in the fourth form where nobody knew me.

So I opted to leave a pretty decent boys-only comp with a Christian ethos, to go to a mixed comp that used to be a grammar school, but which had become a third-rate egalitarian mess.

It is safe to say that I did not respond well to the lowering of educational standards. By the final term of my second attempt at being a fourth form pupil, I was ‘asked to leave’.

I left the school at the age of 16, without any experience of the fifth form. I went to the regional college for two years and completed a couple of NVQ modules in I.T.

I spent most of my college time in the library or playing basketball in the gym.

The point here is that I am not convinced I was mentally ill.

Maybe I was, but I do not think that medication/psychiatric treatment helped me.

The major thing that helped me become a less self-destructive force was *time*.

The death of a close family member really haunted my mind, and I did not know how to deal with it.

My childish poetry turned dark and very cryptic, unfortunately, the caring adults in my life who were interpreting my private words without my permission, they were totally off the mark in concluding that my prose was a sign of me being suicidal. I was certainly crying out for help, but my words were actually full of fear about death, not a single syllable expressed a desire to die.

I wasn’t sleeping much, and prolonged lack of sleep can affect behaviour a lot,

I stopped playing football,

I stooped going on adventures,

I stopped daydreaming.

Lack of exercise can cause serious problems, especially in a child who was once very active.

Add puberty to the mix. . .

I do not think Lithium was the answer to whatever was happening. And how did the medication affect the development of my fragile brain?

I guess that question is impossible for me to ever answer.

I was lucky to have a good family GP who was close to retirement, a doctor from an older generation who was in agreement with me that I would be better off without medication.

As soon as I was eighteen he helped me gradually decrease my doses until I was on the medication no more.

I lacked a lot of confidence, but had no problem finding work with the occasional kick up the backside from my father.

After running into a few dead ends, I eventually became a cellarman/barman in an unusually well run small family pub that was slightly off the beaten track.

In my mid-twenties I moved to Manchester with my licensee certificate in hand, but instead of running a pub, I ended up working in a mind-numbing call centre on behalf of a royal Scottish bank.

By the age of 30, I was a homeowner.

On paper, things seemed good. I heard from a reliable source that my parents were proud of me.

I was unhappy. The relationship with my supposed future wife was on the rocks. I was tired of being a battery chicken trying to get people into debt. I was drinking too much. I had put on a lot of weight. I think I might have been slightly depressed.

Then one evening there was a TV show on, presented by Stephen Fry, it was about living with Bipolar Disorder (The new name for manic depression.)

I think it was on at about the same time that the disability discrimination act came into force.

I was struggling with timekeeping and discipline at work.

Home life was not happy. I was a little drunk and somehow became convinced it was a good idea to talk about my ‘mental health history’ with my partner, and to my manager at work the next day.

Things went downhill very quickly from there.

I went to a doctor, got referred to a psychiatrist.

After a 30 minute consultation, it was decided that I had a mild version of ‘Bipolar II’ And Lithium Carbonate was being prescribed to me. It didn’t agree with me, and I abruptly stopped taking it. Bad idea.

I was a mess. After about 2 years I had split with my partner, mindlessly took my name off the mortgage agreement. I struggled to stay in regular work because of my erratic self-destructive behaviour. I was on benefits for a couple of years.

Eventually, I got a job as an assistant manager, in a betting shop of all places. It was an interesting few years, but working for a morally challenged employer can eventually take its toll on one’s spirit.

This is when I ‘gave up’. I would get a sick note from my local medical centre once a month, claiming I was depressed, etc.I started claiming Employment Support Allowance and Housing Benefit because of my supposed ‘disability.’.The money was more than enough to exist on as part of a house share in a diverse student area in south-central Manchester. At some point a cannabis smoker moved into the house I was barely existing in.It didn’t become long before an occasional toke turned into a regular habit. It took a year or so, but I eventually became undoubtedly mentally ill. I was not self medicating, I smoked weed because I enjoyed smoking it, I loved getting ‘high.’

My behavior gradually started changing for the worse over the course of about half a year. I went to doctors complaining of anxiety, panic attacks, insomnia etc. I told them about my cannabis habit too. The young funky doctor referred me to a young hip psychiatrist, who after 5 minutes of questions, decided that Quetiapine may be the answer to my woes. I wasn’t getting any better, and I gradually stopped taking the medication. I started smoking cannabis again.

I was under the influence of what I’ll call acute mania not long after reading ‘The Cameron Delusion.’ I am fortunate that was the last book I read before I became undeniably mentally ill.

At the height of my illness, it was like I was inside a vivid daydream like I was fast asleep and wide awake at the same time. It is hard to explain. I was aware I was ill though, I sought help. It was eventually decided I should be sectioned, and I disagreed, so a bunch of health workers accompanied by police officers came to my front door. One policeman with impeccable customer service skills informed me I would have to be restrained with cuffs for my own safety, and I was escorted into the back of a police van. The police chauffeured me to the hospital, where I became a reluctant resident/client in a locked ward for about 6 or 7 weeks.

I was forced to take a cocktail of 4 mind-altering drugs on a daily basis. A psychiatrist would see me for about five minutes, once a week. I was told after the sixth or seventh short consultation that I could be released under the condition that I carried on taking the drugs. A social worker visited me on two occasions in the two months after my release from the hospital. Assured I was taking the medication, the visits stopped. I didn’t mention to the social worker that I was gradually lowering the doses I was taking. Within days of the last visit, I had eventually weened myself of the medication completely. It took several months, but eventually, I got a job.

And I have been well, in full-time employment for about a year now, without any problems.

I don’t use cannabis anymore either of course.

And I haven’t knowingly talked to a doctor since my time in the hospital.Mind-altering drugs just do not agree with me.

#mental health #psychiatry #nhs #cannabis #lithium

3 notes · View notes

funkzpiel · 6 years

Text

Haunted | GrindelGraves ABO

Part I of a gift for @mercurial-tenacity

Percival Graves doesn’t quite know how he ended up where he was, to be quite honest. He hadn’t gone to school for this - hell, how does someone go to school for this? Ghost hunting. It was a laughable notion, to be honest, but unfortunately it paid. Nicely.

So that’s how he went from going to school for audio and visual forensics to serving as an impromptu cameraman and “evidence” reviewer for a show called Paranormal Seekers.

Needless to say, he’s been to a lot of “haunted” houses. Old, run down buildings. Hotels still being used in the public. Bars, pubs, train stations, hospitals. You name it, he’s probably spent a night or two in it trying to “document” ghosts. He’s never experienced anything, though. Oh they show activity happening. Slick tricks with thin wires and shaky cam footage. VO recorded in studio to slide in after pre-designed “reaction” events. It was a rather boring job, honestly.

Until, that was, the host was replaced. Things changed after that.

Newt and Theseus Scamander are a dynamic duo and the public eats them up. They’re passionate, and unlike their prior host, they wholeheartedly believe in a realm of life outside that of this mortal coil. All gag tricks end with their takeover. No more strings or pre-recordings or tampered tech. And despite the fact that the amount of activity per episode plummets from copious to nearly non-existent, the fans adore them. They trust them.

Ratings and viewership has never been higher. They have a fanbase, and not only that, somehow they’ve developed credibility. Their evidence might not be exciting, but the lack of tampering shows because of it. So even if all they have to show is one whisper, the fans believe it.

Their locations change drastically too.

No more local venues willing to pay them so that their location shows up on TV, ghost or no ghost. No - Newt and Theseus hand select the locations themselves. They stick strictly to abandoned places off the very well beaten roads of TV paranormal investigation. And on the rare occasions where they select a publicly occupied building, it is always a home and it is always a family that they are helping.

So when Graves arrives at a huge plantation home deep in the swamps of the south, he isn’t surprised by its remoteness, the lack of light or the utter decrepitness of the home itself. What he is surprised by, however, is the feel of it.

It towers over him when he exits the van, and the moment he steps foot in its shadow he shivers. It’s a three floor manor. Bigger than any plantation home he has ever seen. According to Newt, it will be the biggest location in the show’s history, even prior to the brothers joining the show. Nearly a dozen bedrooms, a library, a dried up indoor pool, a ballroom, a study, two kitchens -- it’s ridiculous by most historic standards, but evidently the manor had once been converted into a luxury hotel before events caused customers to stop visiting and the business went under.

Its lights are long since dead. The yard is overgrown, the drive is ruined. And yet, when they go inside, the interior is largely unharmed. Old, yes. Dusty, of course. But there is not structural damage, nor pillaging or theft or graffiti. In fact it is barren of most hallmarks of an abandoned building, and Graves can’t help but find that odd. The crew agrees, it seems, because everyone takes a moment to circle the manor-turned-hotel’s entryway, heads craning to take in the twinkling crystal chandelier and the golden wall sconces and the huge portrait atop the mirrored twisting staircase at the end of the room. Each scuffed footstep reveals a glossy floor beneath the disturbed dust, and all in all, it is gorgeous despite its filth.

“The curtains are still whole,” Theseus mutters in aw, pulling one away from the window to take in the quality of the fabric. “How long has it been again, Newt?”

“Too long,” Newt mumbles back absentmindedly as he swipes a line of dust from the glossy top of the piano in the sitting room over. “Shall we start?”

“We discussed this, Newt,” Tina says, the show’s second camera operator. “It was a long drive. Everyone gets to actually sleep tonight. We’ll spend tomorrow setting up the building with cameras and audio, and start the official investigation tomorrow.”

Newt pouts, but it quickly turns into a yawn and even he - passionate and excited as he is - can’t help but admit it’s the best course of action.

“Alright. Everyone go ahead and claim rooms, get settled. We’ll all connect in the morning.”

A generator and portable water heater means at least two people get to shower that night, two others in the morning. Graves lets Tina and the brothers duke it out over dibs on the shower that night. His bones feel as though they’re made of lead all of a sudden, and he’d rather shower in the morning anyway considering how much dust he’s going to be inevitably rolling in - sleeping bag or not.

He passes them as he heads for a room - any room, he really doesn’t give a damn - and expects to hear them bickering over shower rights and how long the water will last. Instead, he finds them messing with the doorknob of the largest room.

“It’s locked.” Theseus says.

“That’s… really weird. Didn’t the bank say that all the rooms were accessible?” Tina asks.

“Yea, they did… Huh. Well I guess that solves that problem, none of us get the master bedroom.”

“Probably for the best,” Newt says lightly, a towel over one shoulder after already having slipped toward the shower while the other two were distracted.

“Yea--hey!”

Graves leaves the inevitable fight behind him. Instead he picks a room at the end of the hall, likely deeper into the manor than the others will feel comfortable going on the first night, and thus he gets some semblance of peace and privacy. He means to open the door on the left - Room 204 - but a light catches off another knob and he finds himself drawn to it. It’s number is missing, and he kind of likes the idea of being in a numberless room. As though that meant the others would not be able to find him. He loves them, he does, but sometimes their excitement about this bullshit job exhausts him and he just wants to get this over with.

For the first time, he has to sleep in a house that actually makes him uneasy.

He shakes the thought from his mind with a scowl and a barely contained yawn. Instead he drops his bag on a chair in the corner and takes in the four poster bed ahead of him, old but surprisingly intact looking. He strips the bed and covers the mattress in a plastic cover before spreading out his sleeping bag and pillow. That taken care of, he uses his water bottle to wet his toothbrush and wash the dry, fuzzy feeling from his mouth. He gargles and flosses and washes his face, taking great care to dispose of everything in a plastic bag so he doesn’t litter. He might not believe in the paranormal, but he detests the crew he used to work with that would leave their filth everywhere just because some of their locations were “abandoned anyway”. Newt and Theseus might be exhausting, but at least they and their crew they brought with them believe in courtesy.

The only habit he didn’t agree with was that Theseus smoked, and it only irked him because he had quit solidly for two years now and the bastard of a brit was bringing back all of those old cravings he thought he had squashed down…

His fingers trembled and he gripped them tight on the sink to stop them, face lit in the mirror only by the moon’s glow through the windows and the gentle hum of his battery operated lantern.

“Get ahold of yourself, Graves,” he mutters to his reflection. “We’ll get set up, we’ll get it knocked out in a night, and we’ll get out - same as always.”

But it didn’t feel the same as always…

With a grunt, he forces himself out of his traveling clothes and into something comfortable - sweatpants and a dark wife beater - and slips into his sleeping bag before any other thoughts can stop him from resting. The drive was indeed extensive, and thankfully it’s not long before he falls asleep, his lantern still humming softly.

___________

He wakes to someone else in his bed, curled tight and unbearably hot. It’s the heat that wakes him, really. He hates to be hot. His eyes open, but everything’s blurry with sleep and he’s grouchy. He doesn’t understand why one of the others would climb into his bed, and he can’t help but growl and tuck his face into his pillow when he grumbles, “What the hell are you doing in my bed?”

“He told me to wake you.”

That… that wasn’t a voice he recognized.

All at once, his heart begins to thunder. Slowly, because it’s not like he can run or hide in his sleeping bag anyway, he blinks the fuzz from his eyes.

It’s a boy. Small, maybe somewhere between six and eight. He’s pale like the moon that filters through the windows, and his eyes are unbearably big and brown and wet. Black hair even all the way around his head, his little fists tucked under his chin. His clothing is old fashioned. Black shorts, socks tucked away in glossy black shoes, his dress shirt buttoned up to the collar and topped with a little bow, all held together with suspenders. And without a doubt, Graves knows he must be dreaming.

He blames it on that fast food joint they stopped at before the final leg to the manor house. He shouldn’t have had that burrito. He had let that unsettled feeling get to him and had let himself fall asleep thinking about it, and now he was dreaming about it. That’s all.

“Who told you to what now?”

The boy just blinks back at him, unperturbed, and says, “Father. He told me to wake you.”

“Father,” Graves repeats.

The boy nods.

Graves snorts and rolls over, ignoring the shocked little “hey!” that the boy lets out when he does so. The bed dips and there’s the sound of footsteps pattering around the four poster, and he refuses to open his eyes and acknowledge the boy now standing right in front of him, peeking over the top of the tall mattress.

“Mister!” He says plaintively, “He’ll be mad if you don’t go!”

Graves stills at that, because even in dreams he can only take so much. And while he doesn’t believe in the paranormal, he also thinks it wise not to piss it off, just in case.

“You want us to leave?”

The boy frowns at him cutely, as though under the impression that Graves isn’t following along better on purpose, and says, “Nooo! He wants you to go to his rooms. He wants to meet you.”

Graves swallows. This was turning into one weird fucking dream.

“To his rooms,” he clarifies.

The boy nods furiously.

“Just me?”

He nods again.

“And if I don’t want to?”

The boy sucks in a quick, worried little breath.

“That’d be awful rude. Especially after you all came uninvited anyways.”

Graves sighs. He doesn’t believe in the paranormal, but he does believe in survival instincts, and even if he woke from this crazy dream, he wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep again thinking he angered spirits that probably didn’t (but may) exist. So with a weary sigh, he heaves himself from the bed. The boy bounces back onto his heels excitedly and takes his hands and -- takes his… hand…

Graves stares down at it for a long moment, confused and sleepily trying to process what was happening. Did… did a kid get into the building? A real kid? Was someone playing a trick on them? But those clothes… It… must be a real kid. He lets out a relieved breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding and mentally chastises himself for ever falling for it. Of course ghosts didn’t exist. He blames being woken cold to the situation. He blames his exhaustion.

And he intends to find the asshole who set him up and deck him.

And then report him to the police.

The boy tugs on his hand, urging him to pay attention.

“I said my name is Credence!” The boy says, frowning.

“Yea, sure kid,” he mumbles back, “And my name is Johnny Cash.”

“Nice to meet you!” The kid says, the joke flying over his head, and Graves sighs as Credence tugs on his hand again - this time urging him to follow. He takes him into the hall, and through slightly opened doors he can see the others sleeping as he passes. The kid leads him up to the door that had been locked before, and it feels like another slot of the puzzle falling into place. This was definitely a set up by some locals who thought it’d be fun to mess with the crew of the show. He’d have to tell Newt and Theseus to be more careful about who they interacted with when picking these locations. Attention from locals like this could “tamper” with their “evidence”, after all.

“He’s in there,” Credence says, stopping outside of the large double doors, and Graves grunts.

“Of course he is,” he mutters as he makes sure his phone is still on him. It is. “Joke’s on you, kid, these doors are locked--”

The doors open the moment the child turns the knob, parting before them with barely a whisper and revealing another decadent set of steps. Graves blinks.

“Go on,” Credence says cheerfully.

Graves eyes him warily.

“You’re not coming?”

“He said it was grown up business.”

“I see.”

Grown up business. Graves suddenly wishes he had more than the pocket knife he always slept with in his pocket on him.

But he needs to take care of this. And it’s probably just some stupid locals, no need drawing the others from their sleep to tell some asshole father to kindly fuck off. So he climbs the stairs, unaware of the moment the doors close softly behind him. On the other side of them, Credence pets the doors softly and smiles.

“You’re going to be such a good mommy,” he whispers cheerfully, his cheeks rosy and happy. “I can tell.”

[ Part I ] | Part II

#percival graves #original percival graves #grindelgraves #gellert grindelwald #graves fic

45 notes · View notes

countdownto65 · 7 years

Text

Empathy for Self

What is the nemesis of shame? Empathy.

What is the root of most of your shame? Attention seeking, codependentcy and sexual misconduct.

Empathy. You were the oldest in the family fighting for parental attention against two babies.

You hit puberty early. This was a 2 fold problem. You started getting attention furthering the tight shirts but in turn Everyone in 4th grade started calling you a ho. You had never even kissed a boy. You were not a ho and kids are fucking mean.

But you know who else’s attention you got by having boobs, dressing in body suits and seeking attention at 11 years old? A fucking pedophile. While your behavior made you an easy target, NO ONE DESERVES TO BE SEXUALLY EXPLOITED AT 12, 13, 14, OR 15 YEARS OLD. Did you fuckin get that? No matter what your actions it was not your fault they targeted you. Even if you agreed to it at 13, 14, 15 you can leave that self blame right here bc that was their bad NOT YOURS. This is where you learned sex = attention, power, control. They would buy you stuff, get you high and drunk, make you feel like the best person they know all (not explicitly stated) for sexual behavior. I learned a skewed view on relationships and appropriate sexual behavior in adult married behavior. I learned to emotionally detach from sex. I learned to over ride the “this shit ain’t right” feeling you get in your chest when you are uncomfortable in a situation. All of these things are what set your boundaries and your very left field view of what kind of attention makes you feel worthwild. This was not your fault and sometimes life has shitty things happen that effect our outlook forever.

So it sure was easy to sleep with boyfriends, I mean you “loved” them, they were always older, sex was something that didn’t come from everybody so with my sexual skills I learned from the pedophiles I was the best gf a 16 year old could have. And bc I could so easily separate sex from emotion (as a conditioned response to molestation) and it was a way to get boys I liked to notice me, I gave it up easily. Not necessarily sex, but sexual acts. It was one way I felt power and control. Boys treated me special on the surface bc I was pretty with tight clothes…but I failed to realize the power was momentary at the cost of respect. Both self respect and respect of everyone else. This was when my first experience with the fuck and run type of dude came in. The first time I cared. After that I didn’t at least I told myself I didn't but This was when I began codependency. They didn’t always fuck and run. I was good at getting boys to stick around for a while. I was a serial dater. I had to have a significant other to feel worth so I had too many boyfriends. Always one on hand one on the backburner. This was you reaching out for real connection, something you felt had been missing both with your parents, your abusers and your random sexual encounters. When I had a bf I was faithful. I know that sounds fucked up bc I just said I had a backburner but I was never sleeping with this other guy. I just friend zoned him knowing he liked me so I could establish my safety net. So one day at 17 Ieft home, went to a house party, hooked up with the guy who’s house it was (Matt) and that was the start of my first adult relationship. I loved him from the bottom of my toes but he often cheated on me and I never left him for it. It was at this time that I severed my relationship with my abusers. I was old enough to at least have an inkling something wasn’t right, plus now I considered it cheating and I didn’t cheat on him. He started selling drugs. We both got into cocaine. It was easy bc I dated the dopeman.

Then he went to prison. I continued the relationship with him but continued to date/sleep with men while he was away. This was when I caught an std and began stripping on weekends. This is still caused by poor boundaries and a skewed idea of sex and power… Set in motion by sexual abuse. By now I had slowed way down on cocaine but had a huge weed and alcohol habit. I worked at a catholic preschool during the week but stripped to pay for my substances on Sat nights. This set off a little bit of the uncomfortable double life feeling but I pushed it down. I also hustled people for substances. Although I never slept with anyone for money or drugs. But I def made them think I might so they would get me high. Never felt bad either bc if your a dude willing to be got you deserved to get hustled…that was my mindset. I also saw stripping as a hustle. Hustle to me means fuck with a lame walk with a limp. I mean if your gonna be thirsty I’ll take your money. This is probably when I acquired my mindset that most dudes were creeps and out to get me. I realize now that by appearing easy I was literally attracting creeps but at the time I enjoyed the attention and the feeling of superiority and has a huge sample of men to confirm my bias.

Every now and then though I got tricked out of my hard exterior and caught feelings. This is my deep emotional need for connection, to feel worth while. This is where I met my daughters father. He was a giant red flag but problem with bad boundaries and emotional regulation is if I liked you I would ignore red flags and become overly obsessed with you. This has continued to be a problem throughout adulthood.

Anyways I dated Tony until He went to prison, then Matt got out of prison until we broke up, then Tony got out of prison and we has Olivia. Then Tony went back to prison and I met Jason, I left Jason when Tony got out of prison but when Tony and I broke up I went back to Jason and we had Leah. Are you seeing the boomerang effect of codependentcy and back burner relationships. One stable relationship was not enough.

I wanted Jason to be different. To be a family but unfortunately Jason turned out to be very abusive mentally, physically and emotionally. He was an alcoholic and a mean one. But for some reason I loved him and let him stomp on me over and over. He took my confidence. He took my pride. He took my soul. I tried to break up with him 30 times he would say no and just wouldn’t leave. I was faithful to him until I moved out into subsidised housing. But even then I didn’t have multiple men just one man that to this day I love. This guy put up with being #2 for 2 years on and off. Maybe he knew I loved him, maybe he knew that I was stuck with Jason, maybe he knew I needed to feel wanted and worthy. During this I felt guilty and shameful. I eventually bought a house and moved Jason in. That is when this other guy got a new gf and left me alone. It was like mourning a breakup that I couldn’t tell anyone. Eventually I legally evicted Jason and this left me with a self worth and connection black hole.

I acted out for a minute on my usual single m.o.. Then an old friend from middle school came in. He was different then others in that he was genuinely nice and cared for my well being. Unfortunately he also came with a huge dose of depression leading to at the time an inability to keep a job or help with housework. But I stayed with him on and off for the next few years bc I loved him for his emotional support and that he made me feel worthy. Plus it was safe. As a woman in her 30s, I am at the point that if I’m in a relationship I don’t cheat or scope out new guys or have a backburner. It kept me emotionally reeled in. But bc of my trust issues, bc of my lack of feeling worthy, bc of my resentment for him watching me struggle, and bc of my need for excitement or passion (see drama) I couldn’t be with him forever. Even after he got better and held a job and helped my brain short circuits and told me that our lack of connection was insurmountable. I broke his heart and he did nothing wrong. I am just still searching for that lasting “in love” connection that I am not sure exists. I harbor huge guilt here. Both for his feelings and for what could be wrong with me that I left what I said I wanted. That maybe my brain will never let me really love. My only empathy here is that I am working on my shit and all I can do is that.

Every time in my adult life when I have been unhappy in a relationship I’ve left instead of fixing. I have searched out attention through suggestive facebook posts or selfies or sexting. I have been emotionally raw towards men. I had a shitty attitude toward relationships. Anytime that I was single or had freedom I either had a fuck buddy that I didn’t feel anything for or sometimes I would make a strong connection and go all in. I would rush it sexually (again not necessarily full sex but messing around for sure) and more times then not I get played. Within 2 weeks after they no longer answer my texts or calls. This is the shit adult shame is built from. How can you be so blind and stupid? Why can’t you be stable and happy? But here is where I need an empathy piece. Your sexuality was already not healthy then Jason stripped you of any self worth. He often told you no one could ever love me bc I was such a low down terrible person, a piece of shit mother, a whore. Six years of that and you begin to believe it. So if a man comes along and sells you a dream of being loveable its hard not to want with all your heart to believe them. And sexuality is my only tool I know for reeling them in. But when things get too serious I start getting scared of being broken or having to work on things that historically haven’t worked or old scars become obsessions.

I am at a point in my life now that I want to change but Tbh I don’t know how. I want to regain respect for myself and I would like to change peoples opinion of me or better yet not care. This has sent me into a major mental health crisis. I want to know how to reel it in and gain respect while still being true to myself. I still yearn for spark, sex and connection but I want to do it healthily. I want to take the emotional polarization and shame out of sex. Instead of not caring at all or being a crazy obsessive smothering weirdo and throwing myself at someone then feeling like an idiot for falling so hard. So maybe dates in public, counting actions over words and putting time in between the spark and the sex.

I am still struggling with what to do about social media. I mean I need to chill on the provocative selfies, attention seeking posts, and entertaining anyone that messages me… but I still like to be noticed. I want to post selfies and I think dirty memes are funny. Anyway this is long. I am still figuring shit out. And I can’t just look at empathy without taking inventory of what I could have done differently. But this post is empathy and it did help take off a small piece of that shame.

(*when I say act out sexually I don't mean I've had hundreds of partners but rather I have been quick to sexually experiment but I have also developed a "stop point". Don't get it too twisted.)

2 notes · View notes

profound-boning · 7 years

Text

Huge GTKM Game

I’ve been tagged in several of these over the past several months I know I’m a mess I’m sorry and I’m finally going to answer some of them!

Tagged by @thecuriouscrusader @blissfulcastiel @glowingdean @casbakespie @adoringjensen

no I’m not tagging anyone else in this monstrosity lol

Relationship status: Taken, just celebrated five years!

Lipstick or Chapstick: I wore lipstick every day when I was in college but now that I’m living with Boyfriend it’d be a big ol waste of time and money and also messy

Last Song I Listened To: uhhh the Star Wars: The Force Awakens soundtrack because I watched that yesterday?

Last Movie I Watched: lol see above

Favorite Color: Pink

Top 3 Favorite Shows: Supernatural, SKAM, and Brooklyn Nine-Nine (I really need to get caught up on those last two damn)

If I had a cat what would I name it: Ooooh see that totally depends I’d have to meet them in person first

Height: 5 foot 3 and one half

Hogwarts House: SLYTHERIN HISS HISS MOTHERFUCKERS

Time right now: 17:09

Average hours of sleep: lmao like under 7 right now because I keep staying up late and then waking up early by force of habit??

Favorite number: 47

Last thing I Googled: ”where do psychiatrists work” for a fic

Fictional character you want as your younger sibling: I want this answer to be Charlie Bradbury except I’d want her to be my OLDER sibling... so let’s go with Rey (sw: tfa) or Isak Valtersen (SKAM)

Blankets I sleep with: Sheet and comforter

Favorite band/artists: Oh man lmao uh Taylor Swift, Fall Out Boy, Paramore, Adele, Ed Sheeran, twenty one pilots, the Arctic Monkeys, others?

Dream trip: GREECE I want to cruise around the islands and see all the history and art

What am I wearing right now: A Corgi crop top and my new THINX undies (all y’all menstruating folk I literally cannot recommend these highly enough)

When I made this blog: THIS blog was like September/October of 2015 I think? I’m too lazy to pull up my archive at the moment. But I’ve been on and off of tumblr since 2011.

How many blogs I follow: 330ish I believe? Again too lazy to open a new tab. It’s a mix of spn blogs and multifandom ones as well as a handful of lovely mutuals :)

What do I post about: On this blog, only supernatural, mostly destiel and brothers and my tears

Pick a word that starts with the first letter of your real name and ends with the first letter of your url: sap

Do I get asks on a daily basis: lmfao no

Why did I choose my tumblr url: I looove my url more than anything and tbh it happened because I came across a text post right when I got into spn (2015) about how dean and cas need to start profoundly boning and here we are :’)

My aesthetic: hot tea brewing in the kitchen, you can see the flowers on the balcony from where you’re standing at the counter, slouchy sweater brushing bare thighs, curls falling loose from your top knot. toes in the sand at the edge of the water, wide brimmed hat casting a shadow on your nose, smiling so big your eyes crinkle in the corners, licking ice cream from your fingertips. lipstick tacky on your bottom lip, eyelashes painted dark, skirt clinging to your ass, swaying your hips to the rhythm, the room is dark and smoky, never touching anyone but relishing that their eyes are on you.

Last show you watched: We don’t have cable so I don’t get to watch shows live on tv. Last time I watched any tv show I believe was Kitchen Nightmares on Hulu!

Last book you read: tbfh it’s been a long time, I’ve been reading mostly fanfiction for a while now. I just finished reading a two part series called “all the stars above and below” a finnpoe au by AndreaLyn on ao3 here

Last thing you ate: Applesauce

If you could be anywhere right now, where would it be?: This is strange question because I’m in my very nice bed and I don’t really want to be anywhere else at the moment but like in general Boyfriend and I are planning on moving to England so I’d like to be there? Kind of? Or like... sitting on a beach somewhere? Sitting next to my sister? I’m not really longing to be somewhere else so much as wanting some things to be a little different? But on the whole I’m extremely satisfied with where I’m at right now.

When would you time travel to?: lol fuck any time period before this one (modern medicine and some more rights are v nice) so I’ll say 3017 but that’s assuming tr*mp doesn’t get our entire goddamned planet fucking destroyed and also that people aren’t asshats to each other based on social constructions and institutions like gender and religion and identity and also ethnic backgrounds :’)

First thing you would do with lottery money: Pay for car repairs and for some of my sister’s university

Character you would hang out with for a day: Castiel or Poe Dameron

Pets: None because we move too much!

First Fandom I joined: Oh boy this is a good question. I was just talking to Boyfriend the other day about how Han/Leia was my first OTP before I really knew what that meant? Like watching the movies as a kid I felt in my heart like “yes they’re so good together please be happy together forever” I wasn’t on the Internet at all until 2008, and not on tumblr until 2011, and not on stan twitter until earlier this year lmao. When I started the tumblr, it was mostly disney and then avengers when it came out? This blog is my first like dedicated I’M IN A FANDOM venture.

Favorite book: I hate this question because I know someone out there will hate me for it *squints* but the honest truth is “The Outsiders” by S.E. Hinton it’s been my favorite since seventh fucking grade so fight me about it!!!1!

Worst thing you’ve ever eaten/tasted: Oh no this is horrible because I’m a fucking picky ass eater lmao uhhh I hate rice?? bad texture.

What class do you wish you paid more attention to in school? This is not the answer you’re looking for but I had some severe problems in my life when I was in high school so really I wish I had been able to pay more attention to everything in school. I would literally time travel back and redo it all if I could. I would have taken my government classes more seriously, gotten more into my history classes, and would have signed up for AP Art History because I fucking wanted to but I didn’t. If those problems hadn’t been there or hadn’t affected me so badly I would have gotten better grades and could have chosen something different for college. In college, I might have looked for something more like anthropology and focused more on language in a cultural and socio-historical context and not just language and teaching language. Similarly without those problems I would have been able to pay better attention in college and have gotten better grades, done more academic research, etc.

Just hypothetically, if you could get rid of one entire species and not have it screw up the ecosystem at all, what would it be? Humans :’) we’re the worst.

First foray into fanfic? How To Train Your Dragon on that fanfiction net website. I remember seeing the second film and feeling so, like, when are those two going to kiss and get married and live happily ever after? I needed that closure. Then I discovered AUs and ~lemons~ and then I was reading Frozen fic for a while(??) and finally Supernatural. Apple Pie Life by @heyacas was the first fic I read on ao3 after it was recced to me and I never looked back.

You can have unlimited anything from a magic cookie jar (item must fit in a standard sized cookie jar) with the caveat that you cannot monetarily profit from it. Like unlimited cash or things you would sell for cash. What’s in the jar? Firstly what the fuck is a standard sized cookie jar. Secondly this wording prompts me to say... cookies

What do you think about Bill Nye the Science Guy? President Nye 2020

That one book you will never read enough times? Other than the one I mentioned above I’ve read Princess Academy by Shannon Hale a million times and I love it so, so much

What’s something super popular that you just. don’t. get? This is the first thing that comes to mind because frankly there are several things that could go here but I’m answering Videos Of People Getting Hurt. Seriously. Why do I want to watch someone fall off of something or worse get pushed/tricked/otherwise manipulated into doing something I can see (or worse, hear) is painful for them? I can’t stand it.

What’s your super power? Not like telepathy (unless you really have telepathy…), but like. what’s the one thing that you’re known for? Uh... nothing probably? I’m not memorable

What’s that story you tell at parties or whatnot to impress people? I am literally the worst at parties? and impressing people? One story I like to tell is how Boyfriend and I met!

What’s the furthest you’ve ever been from home? Home is an extremely fluid concept. Right now I am about 825 miles from the house that I lived in for about 17 years, Boyfriend is at his work around 16 miles away, 5000 miles from Spain... I could go on.

Hobbies: Writing and reading fanfiction

Favorite place: Favorite beach: Lagos, Portugal. Favorite city: Barcelona, Spain. Favorite museum: the Louvre. Favorite church: Saint Mary of the Angels in Winona, Minnesota. Favorite restaurant: This brunch place we found while wandering in Paris, France. Alternate answers: Boyfriend’s snuggles.

Movie you are most excited about for next year: I haven’t seen Spiderman: Homecoming yet but I’m excited to do so! Also STAR WARS THE LAST JEDI

Beanies or Scarves? Scarves

Last person you texted? Boyfriend

Favorite food? Pasta

Favorite season and why? Summer! Because winter is the FUCKING WORST!

Left Twix or Right? Did you mean: belongs in the trash?

Who would win in a fight: Captain America OR Captain Kirk? Okay like Captain America because? superserum? But James T. Kirk is my precious babe I don’t want them to fight :3

Avengers or X-Men? Avengers

Dream Concert: Go back to my Favorite Artists answer and put all of them together in one show :’)

What fictional world/universe would you want to spend a week in: Either Harry Potter’s or Rick Riordan’s (but only if I’m friends with The Squad)

Last video game played: Okay on the real it’s probably Dance Dance Revolution from, like, 2006

#wow this was so long forgive me #I love all you beans #tag game

1 note · View note