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urban-orc · 1 year

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No answers, just anguish

I don't know exactly where in the way I got from been a 19 years old freak, with zero respect to the status quo and showing my conceptual art in vernissages or the street

to become so mentally fucked to stop making art almost at all because I think everything I do horrible.

But it happened. And I have some insights about different things that brought me to this.

First is, the last time I was called to participate in the local art circuit was during my pregnancy - because they didn't knew about it. At that time, I still presented myself as a woman, and mothers are automatically considered things that don't create.

I remember that last vernissage, and how people treated me differently when I was with my son, 50 days old, or without him.

Quite contrary, the literature gang embraced me, my kid, and whatever I did (and when I got out of the trans closet, they again was the first to embrace and rejoice, and accept me as the man I I always was). Sounded pretty logical to focus on the writing part of myself. I still did fanzines with graphic stuff, mixing drawings, collage and writing, for a while.

Other thing was the internet. No one is guilt of it, but this is a place where, for most of its history, only illustration or figurative painting got friction. Rarely sculpture, because only classic sculpture was not treated as "craft" in a pejorative way. People in the internet are still having the stupid arguments about what is art or not that the dadaism discussed more than a century ago.

And I'm awful at traditional art. I mean, I did a lot of traditional art, but woodprint and woodcut was "minor art forms", made by common people. Embroidery too. Collage is frowned upon too much, even more when shit got digital. I'm not a traditional painter, and I'm not a drawing master or illustrator.

Social class is a important thing here: after college, I had to choose, because money and time: improving drawing skills, or improving writing skills - and the second was mostly inexpensive for several factors. I missed the drawing classes, I still miss don't having them, because there is so much I can do alone, and I was at a point where someone pointing me ways was the only way to go.

But my college teachers always said that I had what is needed to make art. I knew sufficient technics to send my message, a solid research, I knew how to provoke and to touch. Art is this, much more than been just technically sound, it needs to bring comfort and discomfort, and provoke reaction.

I know all of it in a rational way (Geez, I was an art teacher for 13 years). But I don't feel like anything I can do will be relevant, because it's not illustration.

And in the webs, that is the social accepted art form. Things are getting better today, but remember I'm in this place since 96. I follow brutalist sculptors on Instagram, something that was unthinkable 20 years ago. And even today, most of the things that are not painting or illustration, are framed by the internet as craft DIY, not art pieces. Art dolls, sculpting, embroidery, printing.

Printing on t shirts to sell is great, but I want to cover a wall with dramatic shit made in 5x5 cm tacos about the experience of been othered by society. (in this case, taco is a kind of wood piece of hardwood floor, reclaimed to make woodprint)

What brings the third reason I stopped making art. Art projects are expensive. If you don't have where to show it, you don't have money to make it. But if don't have exhibitions, you cannot get a sponsorship to make other exhibitions.

I did a lot of street art because it was a way to handle this vicious circle. Not ideal, but I could make lambe-lambe, and been seen.

(lambe lambe its called wheatpaste poster in english, but I dont think its an exact translation of the cultural meaning)

But then... Chronic pain and fatigue, and there is not a single chance I will spent the dead hours of the night walking and pasting posters, with the eventual "run like hell" moment from security or cops. I just cant do it anymore, my body just collapse if I try.

I must say that as an anarchist devoted to direct action, nothing is worst than knowing I cant do it anymore. My street art was heavily political after all. Well, to me, all art is political, in a way or another. There is no neutrality, even a still-life have a political background.

I digress. But how I said. No answers, just too much anguish.

#art #making art #Slice of life #Late capitalism #identity crisis

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drarrily-we-row-along · 3 years

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Day 12: Adrenaline

"You are such a bloody, fucking arsehole!" Harry shouted, as he burst into his partner's room at St. Mungo's. "I can't believe you."

"Could you lower your voice, please?" Draco asked, he was gingerly rubbing his temples.

"No, I cannot bloody well lower my voice!" Harry seethed as he looked at the other man. Draco was pale and quite obviously in pain, his slender frame resting stiffly against the mattress. "I am unbelievably pissed with you."

"Yes, well, I have a concussion and my head is pounding-"

Harry growled, "Well whose fault is that?"

"Potter, I am begging you to save the theatrics until my potion has kicked in and I'm not seeing sounds," the other man groaned. "Literally begging."

"Well you should have thought of that before you jumped in front of those arseholes who were shooting a stunner and bombarda at me."

Draco groaned and let his head fall back against the pillow, "This has got to be karma. Having your ungrateful arse as my auror partner is karma for all of my past sins. Merlin have mercy."

Harry opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by one of the nurses, Matilda if Harry remembered correctly. "Auror Potter, I'm going to need to ask you to step out of the room."

"Thank fucking Merlin," Malfoy sighed.

Matilda raised an eyebrow, "I'm going to need Auror Malfoy to strip down so we can put his dislocated, and partially shattered, hips back together. It's also going to be fairly painful."

"Good," Harry growled, "Remember this next time you try to put yourself in harm's way for me."

He stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. After a heartbeat, Harry shoved his glasses up into his hair so he could scrub his hands over his face.

(Read more below the cut)

As the adrenaline faded from his system, Harry's body started to feel a bit weak, legs quaking slightly, his heart hammering against his ribs, breath coming a touch too fast. He staggered away from the door and over to the row of chairs along the wall for people to wait.

Draco cried out in pain on the other side of the door and his fists clenched. He wished he hadn't said that; the other man being in pain wasn't good and he wished he could take it away.

Harry wasn't sure how long he sat there with his head in his hands, hearing the occasional outcry from Draco's room, before Ron showed up and clapped him on the shoulder.

"How is he?" Ron asked as he collapsed next to him.

"Ouch, fuck!" they heard shouted from the room across the hall. "That fucking-" a pause as the other man groaned, "hurts."

"Not great," Harry replied.

Ron nodded, "But conscious."

Harry sighed and leaned back in his chair, "You've finished processing those wankers?"

"Yes," he affirmed. "It was lucky, actually, that Malfoy blocked the spells," he said. "The cases behind you would have exploded with even the slightest hint of magic touching them."

"Great," he said with a sigh, feeling even more guilty.

"He's going to be okay," Ron said softly and to his horror Harry felt tears prickling at the back of his eyes.

"How do you even know that?" Harry asked, "No one told you he was going to be okay."

Ron snorted, "If he wasn't you would have burned everything to the ground by now."

His best friend probably wasn't wrong about that. He couldn't even bear the thought of losing Draco without feeling like he couldn't breathe. "He shouldn't have done that," Harry said finally.

Ron shook his head, "Done what? His job?"

"He shouldn't have put himself in the line of fire," Harry replied. "Not for me."

"Right," Ron said, "Just like you shouldn't put yourself in the line of fire for him, but just last week-"

"It's different," Harry said vehemently.

"It wasn't different for him," Ron said quietly. "I sat here having an identical conversation last week, only it was you in the bed." He shook his head, "Look, mate, you know I'm not ever one to advocate for talking things out, but..." he trailed off, leaving the rest of the sentence unsaid.

The trouble was that Harry didn't know how to respond, didn't know what to say to Ron or Draco. Before he could come up with anything, Matilda came out of Draco's room. She nodded at Harry, "You can go in now," she offered.

"Is he going to be here overnight?" Ron called.

"He's regrowing bones, Auror Weasley. Yes, he'll be here overnight."

Ron winced, "I'm going to go pick up Indian and bring it back. The food here is terrible."

"Thanks," Harry replied.

"Go on," Ron said, nudging Harry toward the room. "Go get things sorted."

Harry sighed, but squared his shoulders and stood up, moving toward the door and summoning every ounce of his Griffyndor bravery.

When he got to the door he knocked before entering. The moment Draco caught sight of him he groaned, "Potter, please. I can't take the lectures right now. Regrowing bones is a bitch."

Harry drew up a chair beside his bed and didn't say anything for a moment. Then he took a slow deep breath and said, "You terrify me."

Malfoy rolled his eyes and then winced in pain.

Harry continued before he could say anything, "And I know I sound like a complete hypocrite-"

"Too right, you do," Malfoy grunted.

"But it scares the shit out of me," Harry pressed on. "Draco I can't-" he broke off, shaking his head and the other man turned his head to look at him more fully. "I can't lose you."

"And you think that I can lose you?" he countered.

"I don't know," Harry said, "I don't know." He rubbed his hands over his face. "I don't think I can do this anymore."

He glanced up in time to see the hurt flash across Draco's face before he reigned it in. "Fine. That's fine. Put in the transfer request and I'll sign it."

"No, I mean all of it," Harry said, clearing his throat. "I can't do the cases, I can't be the reason that people get hurt." He shook his head, "I'm tired, Draco. I'm so tired.” He swallowed, "and I want my life to be more than this."

Draco looked away, staring unseeingly at the set of drawers across from his bed. "Well, I wish you the best then," the other man replied, voice cold as stone.

Harry swallowed and summoned up a bit more courage, "Leave with me," he said.

"What?"

"Leave with me. Let's start our own business, we can become private investigators and get out from under all of the bureaucratic bullshit. Or let's do anything else. Literally anything. You want to have a coffee shop? Done. Quidditch supply store? I'm there. Want to remodel homes? Count me in. I will do anything that you want to," Harry closed his eyes, imaging it, then he said, "because if we're not Auror partners anymore, I can finally tell you the truth."

"What truth?" the other man asked hesitantly.

He took a deep breath and blew it out before sitting up straighter in his chair. "I'm in love with you," Harry said simply.

Draco blinked once, then a second time as he stared uncomprehendingly at Harry. "Potter, what?" Draco spluttered. "I'm the one with the concussion here, not you. Did you hit your head? Are you feeling confused?"

Harry laughed, "No, I'm not. Honestly, everything feels simpler than it has in ages. I don't expect you to feel the same or anything, we can stay friends-"

"Are you joking?" Draco asked and Harry winced and looked down at where his hands were clenched, clasping one another. The other man continued, "You don't expect me to feel the same? How could you possibly think I don't feel the same?"

Harry's head snapped up, "What?"

"Potter, I've been in love with you since the Alvarez case."

"Really?" he asked incredulously. That case had happened years ago at this point. It was one of their first cases together.

Draco nodded, "It's stupid, but watching you with that little boy-"

"Julian," Harry said, nodding at the memory.

"You were so sweet with him and so protective. And I realized that it wasn't an act, it's just who you are and I was doomed." He shook his head, "Of course I'm in love with you, you idiot."

He stared at him for a moment, looked into those clear silver eyes that he loved so much, "Can I kiss you?"

"Very gently," Draco replied, "Because as much as I would like to kiss you, my head is still killing me and I'm not supposed to move my neck very much."

Harry huffed a soft laugh before moving closer. He cupped his cheek and gently trailed his thumb over Draco's bruised cheekbone, trying to avoid causing any more pain. His eyes flicked up to Draco's before he closed them and leaned in touch their lips together. Two soft pecks were all he allowed himself before pulling back and brushing a feather-light kiss over his temple.

"Ah!" Ron blurted from the doorway, making both Harry and Draco jump, "Sorry, I'll come back-"

"Ron, it's fine," Harry said, pressing one more soft kiss to Draco's forehead before collapsing back into the chair beside the bed.

"No, I want to have plausible deniability at the Ministry when-"

"I'm quitting," Harry said.

"We're quitting," Draco added.

Harry grinned at him, "Really?"

"Yes," he said, smiling back.

"And you should quit too," Harry said, turning to Ron, "Come join our private detective firm."

"But first, bring us that Indian food," Draco said.

Ron rolled his eyes, "Years of this," he said gesturing between the two of them. "Years of watching you two idiots pining after one another and that's it. You just decide to quit?"

"Yes, well," Harry replied, clearing his throat, "I think I'm going to need to have more free time than the ministry allows."

"Oh, is that so?" Draco replied with a smirk, his voice smooth like honey.

"Alright," Ron said, "That is enough of that. If you want me to come work with you, we're going to need to nip that in the bud right now."

Harry laughed and held up his hands in surrender.

"I am happy for you two, though," Ron said.

"Me, too." Harry replied. Suddenly looking forward to the future more than he had in a long time.

Day 11: Pinky Promise | Day 13: Drunk

#100 drarry drabbles in 100 days #drarry drabbles #drarry ficlets #auror partners #injured on a case #love confessions #idiots in love #thanks for the prompt anon #enjoy!#day 12 #day 12: adrenaline

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gayluigi · 3 years

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TW for incest re: the Chris Chan situation, a bit of a vent about my feelings on the whole ordeal

Just read the Chris Chan texts about her admitting to sexually assaulting her mother, and Jesus Christ... I can’t believe I ever felt sympathy for this woman. I thought she was just a deeply troubled individual who wasn’t raised in the best way and didn’t learn how to treat people from a young age. But this? This is just disturbing. She can’t use her autism to weasel her way out of this one.

All this time, I had sympathy for her because I knew what it was like growing up autistic without a good support system and lagging behind my peers socially. It was torture. And someone could’ve easily made a lolcow out of me for being a cringe-ass teenager who drew a bunch of self-insert shit, although I never did anything depraved like her. I was kinda like her-- instead of Sonic, my OC was a Mario OC, and I drew her obsessively in middle school, although I never developed a comic around her. And at that time? My artwork was about on par with Christine’s, if not worse. (Granted, I was only like 13 at the time, but still.) So I RELATED to her in that way, and I felt bad that people had decided to target her online and bully her for her artwork.

But this... there’s no coming back from this. This is beyond depraved. Raping a woman with alleged dementia is just disgusting. My grandmother (who’s about Barb’s age) has dementia, and the thought of someone even laying a finger on her in that way just makes me so infuriated.

People with dementia CANNOT CONSENT when the disease reaches a certain point. Barb might not even REMEMBER who Chris is in relation to her, depending on the severity of the disease, and even if she does remember, dementia can strip away inhibitions and make people do things that they would normally NEVER do. Like, the mother of a family friend died of dementia not long ago, and she was the sweetest little old lady ever according to those who knew her, and even before the disease, she would’ve never done anything to hurt anyone... but during an outburst caused by her dementia, she started SCREAMING at a Black male nurse to “GET THIS (racial slur) OUT OF HERE!!” She would have NEVER done that if she was in her right mind, but dementia can make you do things that you would never do in a million years otherwise.

I’m just so taken aback by all of this. Maybe I was giving Chris too much of a pass because I saw myself in her, even though she’s done other awful shit before. But I just can’t forgive this, nor is it my PLACE to forgive her. That’s up to Barb’s other family members to forgive or not. But I certainly don’t support Chris any longer.

#chris chan #christine weston chandler

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topsytervy · 3 years

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Good Books, Bad Movies ~ Rafe Cameron, JJ Maybank

Blurb: After reading the first two Percy Jackson books, JJ discovers that there are movies.

Word Count: 988

Warnings: swearing, grammar/spelling mistakes, no big spoilers just brief plot description, I think that's it.

This was based on a random little shit post I made a while back and I decided it's been a while since I've completed ANY of my writings that I'd whip up something short and new. This is definitely not the best but it's here and it exists.

also, don't mind me dropping off the face of the earth for months at a time and never posting anything, just interacting and reading things. Between work and my brain finally grasping at the fact that I don't need to have every little thing I write to be at least a thousand words, I've got barely anything to post.

~~~~~~~~~

You sighed as both of the boys got situated, Rafe and JJ making themselves comfortable with their heads on your chest.

Just a couple of minutes ago, they were playing some video game as you sat on Rafe's bed, a book you've read countless times before in your hand.

"Seriously, Y/N/N. What book is more interesting than us?" JJ whined as he paused the game, looking back at you as you raised your eyebrows and looked at him over your book.

"A 13-year-old boy killing monsters."

Rafe and JJ shot each other a look before setting down their controllers. "What?"

"Percy, the kid, is a demigod and he has to head out on this quest and a lot of shit goes down in the process. Good series. I've read it at least five times all the way through." You explained, shuffling into a more comfortable position.

Rafe glanced at JJ before returning his gaze to you. "Would you read it to us?"

Your eyes flickered between the two boys before nodding. "Sure."

And now here you were, looking like a mother about to read her two sons to sleep, the game forgotten about as you flipped to the beginning of the book.

"Chapter one, I accidentally vaporize my pre-algebra teacher." You began, earning a smile from each of them.

By the time you reached chapter four, you grabbed your bookmark, assuming both the boys had fallen asleep on you but Rafe lifted his head.

"Why are you stopping?"

You stared at the older boy as you shut the book. "Well, I thought that'd be a good place to stop for now."

"No. One more chapter. Come on." Rafe whined like a child.

You felt JJ nod his head against you and you sighed once again. "Fine. One more chapter."

You didn't end up going to bed until 1 AM, making a good dent in the book before you told the two that there was no way you could make it through another chapter. Over the next few days, every time you were with JJ and Rafe, you three got comfortable somewhere and read The Lightening Thief.

It didn't take long for your little trio to be on the third book, you reading and sipping a tea or hot chocolate as one of the boys played with your hair and the other drew mindless shapes on your legs that you had draped over his lap.

It was early morning when JJ burst into Rafe's house with a bag in hand, looking as if he won the jackpot.

"Rafe, Y/N's been holding out on us." He said as he dropped the bag on the counter, making his way towards the pantry and pulling out the popcorn.

Rafe and you both raised an eyebrow at the blonde pogue as he walked towards the microwave, put the popcorn in, and set the time before hitting start.

"Did you know that they made the first and second Percy Jackson books into movies?"

Rafe's eyes lit up as you groaned, placing your head on your arms that were resting on the island. "JJ, please tell me you did not spend money on those movies."

Rafe walked over and placed his hands on the younger boy’s shoulders. "JJ, please tell me you did."

JJ grinned. "Oh, I did, my dear friends. I did."

Rafe clasped his hands together and closed his eyes, a smile on his face as you groaned again.

"J, no." You drew out, as you slowly shook your head, not moving from your position.

Rafe and JJ both shot you a look. "What are you whining about? You love these books, rightfully so, and now we have the movies to watch." JJ pulled them out of the bag.

"That's why I'm whining. I love these books and the movies...oh my god." You raised your head as you looked at them. "I already watched the movies and, on their own, they're good but they don't do the books any justice. Like, the writers fucked it up to the point where Rick Riordan was like 'uhm people aren't going to like this'."

Rafe and JJ both blinked at you before Rafe spoke up.

"I'll go grab the beers."

"Yeah. Grab some blankets too. We gotta be comfy for this."

***

You shot the two boys a look that screamed 'i told you so' as they made a face as the credits of the second movie rolled.

The two had spent the majority of both movies pointing out the differences between the films in the books. Rafe even opened up his notes app and began writing all the flaws, claiming he'll need this for reference later when he writes a review.

"I cannot believe the writers would do Uncle Rick dirty like that," JJ muttered, shaking his head as he tipped back his beer.

You stood up and crossed your arms. "Maybe next time you'll listen to me."

The boys shot you a look before turning back to each other. "I wasted money on this." JJ sighed.

You walked over and placed yourselves between them, leaning your head on Rafe's shoulder as your hand-rubbed JJ's back.

"Time to start a podcast called 'books vs. their movies: which ones were good and which were disappointments'." You closed your eyes as you remembered all the books you read and then watched the movies just to feel the regret of watching them.

"Had your heart broken one too many times?" Rafe asked, smiling down at you.

You nodded. "The only reason why I watch the movies at this point is for the actors."

Rafe patted your thigh. "Well, how about we grab The Titans Curse and continuing reading that to take our minds off of this?"

"Alright." You agreed before you all stood up and made your way back upstairs to Rafe's room, the boys stomping up ahead of you, skipping steps as they did.

~~~~~

#jj maybank #rafe cameron #jj obx #jj outer banks #rafe obx #rafe outer banks #drew starkey #rudy pankow

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mintseesaw · 4 years

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harana | jjk

translation: n. the act of wooing/courting someone by serenading him/her

pairing: jungkook x reader

genre: fluff, f2l au, drabble

word count: 3.5k

warning: none // rating: pg-13

requested by bebe athena @rookiegukie. Im sorry it took a while, but i hope you like it hun! You may still submit your requests for the drabble game Paraluman Playlist until the end of August. ✨

note: this didnt turn out as initially planned changing after jk released his latest cover so i highly rec u to listen to 10,000 hours by jjk (cover) while reading it hjfjgdjdkgm also it’s a first for me to delve into f2l trope ljggdhd yall forgive me if it’s too cliche bwahaha

“Hyung! ______-noona is here!” A kid who opened the door for you announced your arrival rather loudly, recognizing him as one of Jungkook’s cousins. You pushed through inside the nostalgic interior of the Jeon’s household. Nothing much has changed in the past two years.

Soon after, Jungkook appeared from the doorway you remember as the door leading to the kitchen. He’s decently dressed and when you say decent, you meant he’s not in his usual attire of anything black and over-sized. Nonetheless, he’s handsome as ever. You’re not gonna deny the fact.

“Hey!” He greets, face lighting up at the sight of you, biting back a smirk as he skims the length of you adorning a cute, yellow dress. He glances down at your hand holding a gift-wrapped present for his mom before draping an arm over your shoulders.

He feigns a frown, “You shouldn’t have bothered. Mom will appreciate you making it on her birthday.”

“Well, unlike someone I know, I’m thoughtful enough to prepare something for Auntie.” You tease, knowing he possibly bought nothing for his mom.

He scoffs, only proving your assumption right. “Yah! Don’t sound too enthusiastic, I’m the son here.”

“So what? I’m your mom’s favorite!” You retorted back.

“No you aren’t!” He snapped, while his mouth unconsciously juts forward in defeat.

Your eyebrow arches. “Is that a challenge I hear?”

Jungkook nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders. “Forget the competition. We’re here to make my mom happy.” He quickly dismisses, distracting you as he leads you straight to the garden area which you could already see where the guests are gathered through the glass doors.

As expected, the said small party looks simply classic with a touch of Mrs. Jeon’s sophisticated taste. Average-sized square wooden tables are neatly scattered in the expanse of the garden with uniform vintage table setting that coordinates well with the floral decorations in the vicinity. In front, a makeshift platform was made behind a decorated linen with pinned letters “Happy Birthday Mom!” Behind all the tables is where the buffet table was placed.

You’re actually relieved that your simple puff sleeve dress matches with the theme of the party, forgetting the guilt of having to wear the dress without borrowing it from your sister.

Mrs. Jeon was happily chatting with her guests but when the sliding door breaks open revealing you tucked under Jungkook’s arm, the present smile on her face stretches wide and immediately shuffled towards you and Jungkook’s way.

Mrs. Jeon audibly gushes just as you handed your gift and welcomed you with a warm, tight hug. “Thank you, dear.”

Jungkook took it as his cue to leave you two for a second.

When she draws back, she appreciatively give you a once over. “Oh, you look so lovely on your dress!” Mrs. Jeon clapped her hands. You smiled shyly in return.

“Thank you for coming, dear. It’s been ages since the last time I’ve seen you. Come here and get some food.” She says.

It’s true. After you’ve been in college two years ago, you’ve hardly stayed in your hometown for more than two weeks, hence, you couldn’t squeeze your time here to pay the Jeons a visit. Mrs. Jeon became your guardian whenever your parents were in business trips back in the days, and during the times of your stay at their house, you’ve grown much closer to her just like your second mom.

By the time you reach the buffet table, Mrs. Jeon caught Jungkook in the act of getting a piece of sushi straight from the chafing dish, and his poor soon right away earned a whack on his arm from his mom.

“Use the tongs!” She reproaches which made him flinches dramatically.

Such a baby.

You bit back a chuckle as Mrs. Jeon went on with “Go to the kitchen and refill the dispenser!” Jungkook pouts but obeys his mom without complaining. However, he made sure to shoot a fake glare at you before he disappears from the doorway.

Mrs. Jeon then handed you an empty plate. “Here, ______. I know you like pasta.”

Your eyes widened a little. Perhaps, you have not recovered from the surprise painted on your expression, hearing it come from her that she caught a glimpse of your slight shock state. Why should you be surprised when Jungkook knows it as well? He might have told her or something.

“Oh don’t be surprised, dear. My boy always asks me to cook pasta whenever you come around.”

Isn’t it his favorite food? “It’s… his favorite... right?” You began but ended up questioning the validity of your knowledge.

She laughs, “You know he could eat anything edible but cannot live without his portion of meat every day.”

“Oh.” It was only that moment it registered to you. His mom is right. He’d always make it a point to consume all your stocks of meat whenever he shows up in your dorm in the most unexpected days. His university is not too far away from yours. Yet, this guy thinks it’s worth the two-hour drive just to get to your dorm and pester the shit out of you.

“I’m so happy you’re able to make it on my birthday. Will you stay in town for the rest of your break?”

“Uhh… I was supposed to focus on saving up through my part time jobs this summer but my mom threatened to disown me if I don’t stay here during summer break.”

“Oh she’s being reasonable, honey. Believe me, I’d do the same thing if Jungkook refuses to go home at least once a month, unless of course, if he runs off with you.” She remarks in a teasing manner, earning a profuse blush to appear on your cheeks so abruptly.

Since you left home for uni, you actually believe Mrs. Jeon had forgotten about your shared interactions back then. Yet, here she is, still having faith that his son has actual feelings for you. She told you many times that she’d want a daughter like you or, at least, be her in-law. She always regarded it in a playful tone so you used to get mixed signals whether she was really serious or not. But then, you’d say the overused line: “we’re only friends”. She would then give you a knowing look and insisted that she knows her son well. Fortunately for you, she made it a point to only tease you whenever Jungkook was out of earshot.

By the time Jungkook came back a few moments later, you’re already seated in a vacant table at the farthest back. Jungkook occupied the seat next to yours, taking notice of the half-finished food on your plate.

“What time are you leaving?” He asks the moment he plopped down the chair. Your head cocked to the side to meet his gaze.

“Are you trying to make me leave early?” You prompted suspiciously.

He rolls his eyes. “I’m gonna drive you home, idiot.”

“Well, you don’t have to. I can… walk.”

“It’s not like I have a choice.” He mutters under his breath.

Your eyebrows quirked but you spoke no more. He lifted his shoulders in a nonchalant shrug. Did he mean his mom will force him to drop you off at your house just like the old times?

As the night progresses, the small celebration has pumped up with lively cheers from their relatives, incited by the impromptu program prepared by Jungkook’s cousins which was mostly filled with fun games. At some point of the said program, a small commotion on the side of the makeshift platform started to build up. The next thing you know, his cousin, the mastermind behind the entertainment portion of the party, caught yours and Jungkook’s attention when she announced his sudden participation in the program through a performance.

“Our boy Kookie here recently recorded a cover and he’s here to perform the live version and showcase his talent to our dear guests. Everyone, let’s welcome our very own Jeon Jungkook onto the stage!” His cousin enthusiastically says through the microphone. On cue, everyone in the garden, particularly his cousins, roared in earsplitting screams of cheer.

He blinks, completely perplexed. He was not given a heads up prior, much less told that he would perform a song in front of an audience. Hesitant due to his nerves, he backed away subtly just as he reaches the side of the supposed stage. However, his cousin caught up with his attempt and pushed him not too gently toward the platform, and even placed the microphone stand in front of him, giving him no room to say no. The expectant look of his relatives left him no choice but to just— his eyes suddenly caught your figure at the back when you stood up and went to the buffet table.

His heart thuds so hard against his rib cage that he’s afraid everyone can hear it through the mic, including you. He’s sure he’s as white as a paper by now more so that his nerves are getting the worst of him.

That song is not just any song he simply did a cover of. It was the song he meant to sing for you when the right time has come, when he’s ready to pour his heart out to you.

He sucked a deep breath once more, and slowly breathed out once more. Instinctively, his eyes fluttered closed when he heard the music began playing.

Ready or not, it’s now or never.

Do you love the rain? Does it make you dance

When you're drunk with your friends at a party?

At the sound of his voice filling the air of the summer night, you spun back around to face him. That’s how he missed the look on your face just as how you missed the chaotic cheering of his cousins as they piled up to the side of the platform.

What's your favorite song? Does it make you smile?

Do you think of me?

Hearing the beautiful lyrics wholeheartedly sang by Jungkook, the same one who stole your heart a long time ago, you couldn’t control your heart as it started racing so wildly, tiny specs of heat slowly spreading in your chest. Thoughts began to swirl in your mind – giving you the anticipation. The possibility. The potential love affair. That the friendship would develop into something more.

Before the next verse comes, Jungkook peeled his eyes open, however, he didn’t expect to see you awestruck there across his line of vision from the back, and meeting your expressive eyes. If he didn’t know better, he would have mistaken the glint in your eyes for something else.

Maybe just… maybe you like him too.

When you close your eyes

Tell me what are you dreaming?

Everything, I wanna know it all

You look so beautiful. That the thought of you alone could easily make his heartstrings twist so cruelly in his chest. Oh how he wishes you’d let him spoil you the way he’s been dying to. He’d be the luckiest man to ever live to have you as his girlfriend.

Jungkook didn’t know how he managed to put up the courage to return your gaze, never have you looked at him the way your pretty eyes are staring back at him now with the genuine fondness in them. Somehow, as he gets lost to his emotions, he suddenly couldn’t find the strength in him to take his eyes off of you.

I'd spend 10,000 hours and 10,000 more

Oh, if that's what it takes to learn that sweet heart of yours

Butterflies erupt crazily in your stomach, goosebumps start to appear on your skin and your cheeks heat up as he held you captive under his wistful stare. The longingness and the passion they hold, the twinkle of his orbs as his doe-like eyes are digging straight to your soul, what it is all for?

And I might never get there but I'm gonna try

If it's 10,000 hours or the rest of my life

I'm gonna love you

He’s always been a constant figure in your life since the moment you two became friends. He didn’t miss any important celebrations that involves you since then. And even though Jungkook has been vocal about being overprotective of you dating guys he didn’t know, none of you ever tried to address anything remotely related to romantic love. It gave you the temporary relief, because you’ve been pushing your feelings back in the depths of your heart since the moment you realized you’ve fallen in love with him.

You never had the guts to test the theory, but leaving wondering what if… When have you visited the thought, again? You have long disregarded the possibility because you believed he loves you like his sister. Nevertheless, you’re lucky to have met him and be the only constant in your life.

Do you miss the road that you grew up on?

Did you get your middle name from your grandma?

When you think about your forever now

Do you think of me?

Jungkook’s face stretches in a subtle smile, forgetting about his nerves, his sweaty palms and the guests who kept looking back and forth between him and you in curiosity while he seems magnetized at his view. You.

When you close your eyes

Tell me what are you dreaming?

Everything, I wanna know it all

You smiled, recalling the times you two were inseparable. The times he let you cry on his shoulder, when he used to help you sneak out in the middle of the night, be your chaperone, witnessed you getting drunk for the first time in your life and even that one time a senior stole your first kiss. It was the first time you saw Jungkook that angry, beating the shit out of a poor guy two years ahead of us over a single peck. Your memories with him didnt end in high school for he didn’t stop making efforts to see you, regularly visiting you frequent enough that he’d made himself home at your place.

Ooh, want the good and the bad

Everything in between

Ooh, gotta cure my curiosity

In the midst of serenading you, he recollects the memories he shared with you. The day you two were introduced to each other was still as good as new in his memory bank, or the times that you encouraged him to push through to audition to his dream role that you even learned to play his audition piece just so he could practice with you every day after school. His basketball games with you as his personal cheerleader, the times that he couldn’t hide his jealousy when you dated someone else, the immature fights that always led him to drink his heart out as if you two had broken up, and you nursing him back to sobriety. When you two were separated in college, he’d always make a way to bother you whenever he’s drunk and you’d end up going to his place and ceaselessly irk him while he rotted from hangover.

His angelic voice singing the rest of the song lulls you further into your thoughts, gathering each memory like a missing piece in the puzzle. Why didn’t you see all the signs back then? Were you blinded by your then-infatuation over him that you failed to hint his own feelings? He never gave you a reason to make you think he likes you more than a friend nor tried to hide anything from you, right?

Shortly afterwards, you were pulled back into the reality when you hear the cheers of the guests, signaling the end of Jungkook’s performance. Your eyes silently follow him as he sheepishly walk out of the platform, going onto the same path he took before.

Jungkook didn’t meet your gaze as he strutted toward the ice cooler on the side of the buffet table to get a bottle of alcohol which is just a few steps away from you. Twisting open its cap with such urgency, he took a long swig from the bottle to calm his traitor nerves, then pretends to busy himself on the variety of food laid on the table while feeling the weight of your stare on his back. Nervous that you understood the purpose behind his impromptu performance and that your silence was your hint of your rejection to his feelings, he didn’t try to talk it out to you the entire night. Yet, he feigned indifference when he sat on the same chair in the table next to you.

As the rest of the night rolls, the tension undeniably grows in between you two. Yet bearable enough to have you two stay glued on your seats despite the countless times you caught him staring at you, or you at him all throughout the night.

None of you dared break the silence and somehow, along the way, the tension has particularly become unbearable inside the car while he drove you home. Your house was just two blocks away and you bet it would take him faster to get there should he not intentionally slow down his driving with only a hand on a steering wheel while the other rested on the open window of his door as his fingers anxiously pinch his lips.

You chose to break the tension, feeling the need to speak up before your heart bursts out of your chest. And the moment you did, Jungkook coincidentally started to talk too.

“So…”

“About that…”

You met his eyes when your head jerked to the side to peer at him.

“What?” You immediately ask, curious to know what he would want to say after that, his heartfelt singing.

“Uh—“ He drawls, suddenly losing the words he was supposed to utter the second he made an eye contact with you. He shifts his eyes back to the road, feeling himself cower under the weight of your stare.

He clears his throat, putting up a pretense of a courage. “What do you think of... my performance?”

There was a moment of dead air inside before you manage to form an answer. “It was beautiful… I like it. You know I’m in love with y-you– I mean your voice. I love your voice.” You laugh awkwardly, while you’re incoherently screaming in your head at your almost slipped up.

Jungkook’s face flushes and he could already visualize the sudden boost of serotonin in his system hearing the validation he needs the most, the one coming from you. “Thank you.” He mumbles shyly.

It was that moment when the car arrives in front of your house. You shoot him a look, said your thanks and bid him goodbye before you climbed out of the car. You couldn’t deny the disappointment that was rushing so abruptly into you while you pad the distance across the gate of the house. For the nth time, you have hoped for something that was not even real to begin with.

However, your heart jumped out of almost joy when you heard Jungkook’s voice call your name out just as you’re about to close the fence gate.

“What’s up?”

“Okay before I tell you something, do you promise to remain best friends with me if… if you don’t… if somehow… oh god whatever— just promise me!” He panics, making you frown in return.

“I-I promise?” You say in an uncertain tone.

Jungkook held his pinky out.

“Pinky swear?” He prompts. You raise an eyebrow but let him hook your pinky finger with his to seal the promise of a lifetime friendship.

“What is it?” You say in the most gentle way possible. If this is the moment you’ve been dreaming to happen since you were in high school, you have to encourage him to talk before you could stop yourself from advancing to his personal space just to kiss him without any further ado.

“_____I-I tried my best not to… n-not to see you in a different way. But god you’re always making it difficult for me to forget about it when you keep giving me reasons to want things I shouldn’t have–”

“Jungkook–”

“Please, let me finish before my legs give out.”

You chuckle all the while your vision blurs from the moisture in your eyes. The anxiety on his face gradually dissolves into relief when he saw the smile creeping into your face.

“I can’t keep dating anyone and pretending they’re better than you. I’m an idiot, I know. But it’s always been you, ______. It’s you that I want and I can’t possibly live this life without you–“ You didn’t let him finish when he finally said the words you have longed to hear for years. You lean in to touch his soft, inviting lips with your own.

Jungkook staggered back at the suddenness of your move. Once he had recovered from shock, he cupped your jaw to deepen the kiss. He sighed against your supple lips. And for the first time since he has nurtured his feelings for you, the weight in his chest has been lifted off, replacing it with warmth and relief that only you could bring in his longing heart.

*unedited

mintseesaw �� 2020 | photo credit

#jungkook x reader #jungkook fluff #bayanihanboost #paralumanplaylist #btsguild #goldenclosetnet #btswritingcafe #bangtanarmynet #btsbookclub #cypherwritersnet #jungkook imagines #jungkook scenarios #jungkook fanfic #jungkook drabble #friends to lovers trope

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nymph1e · 3 years

Note

Okay fuck it, I gotta give in, I gotta watch through Supernatural. AFAIK, it's all on Netflix; at least I saw it on there in passing. Going into this, is there anything I should be aware of? Are there any episodes I should skip, any seasons? Should I start from season 4? I know the basic plot and concept, and I know it's very monster-of-the-week. But aside from me highkey shipping Destiel already, that's all.

Well my first piece of advice would be

but uh, let’s fucking ~GO~

If you’re actually jumping into this hellhole (why why why) don’t start at season 4. It’s tempting, but seasons 1-3 are some of the best shit in the whole show, also having context for Sam and Dean’s characters, and their relationship with the supernatural up to season 4 really highlights how fucking wild the introduction of angels is in the show. it’s basically a complete paradigm shift.

I would recommend you watch seasons 1-5 basically as is, though if you’re in a rush, season three is kinda skippable as long as you read a general synopsis. This is the original arc of the show and it shows. A friend of mine, @sammwinchestersdimples has said she’d have been fine if the show had ended there, and I can totally see her point. After season five things start to get... uhhhhh... not as good. THAT BEING SAID some really amazing seasons come later, and you’d get nowhere NEAR the Full Destiel Experience without them. What REALLY sucks is that all the seasons have good moments in them, so even if the seasons are generally bad, they’ll have episodes of GOLD. But fuck it, here’s a season-by-season breakdown.

Season 6 - This is the first... “eh” season. There’s a lot of character choices made in this one that I don’t like. The plot also doesn’t quite seem to know what to do with itself and it has no real main villain... or I guess it has a twist villain? This is also the season where they start chucking in the typical “no homos” you get when a show is queerbaiting, so they can point to the no homo bits and claim the queers are delusional.

Season 7 - The absolute WORST season, imo, is season 7, and it features Cas the least out of all the post season 4 seasons. You can tell the writers genuinely tried to write Cas off here. Not to mention the main plot is completely stupid. HOWEVER this is the season where we get golden things like Cas showing up to Dean’s prayer naked and covered in bees, and the episode where Charlie (best girl) is introduced and Dean subsequently has to flirt with a dude because she, a lesbian, cannot. (Wow so straight, Dean)

Episodes Not To Skip:

6x03 - A good Cas/plot episode (spot the famous destiel quote)

6x04 - A good all-round episode, also Jackles directed it so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

6x09 - This is one of the Batshit Episodes. Definitely watch.

6x10 - On the one hand, Cas episode. On the other, no homo, megstiel episode. Your choice.

6x11 - Good episode.

6x15 - THE ULTIMATE META EPISODE. Sam and Dean are teleported into Jared Padelecki and Jensen Ackles’ lives on the set of Supernatural and it is so batshit.

6x17 - Jolly good episode, and nice destiel content.

6x18 - Time travel episode, which is always fun.

6x19 - “Baby in a trenchcoat.” ‘Nough said.

6x20 - The Man Who Would Be King is the destiel episode. It is infamous in the fandom, and for good reason. It’s not just a good destiel episode, but one of the best episodes in the series. With banging lines like “Freedom is a length of rope. God wants you to hang yourself with it.” and “For a brief moment, I was me again.”

6x21 & 6x22 - The last two episodes are kind of must-watches after TMWWBK, trust me.

Episodes Not To Skip:

7x01 & 7x02 - follows on from s6 final. You don’t wanna skip.

7x05 - Good general episode

7x06 - Again, good general episode. Sets ups plot for the season.

7x08 - Ugh. So the A plot for this episodes invoves Becky, the insane, stalker, fandom-insert character, roofie Sam into marrying her (and it’s heavily implied they have sex - and it’s treated as a joke despite being LITERAL RAPE). BUT this is the episode where Garth is introduced and Garth is fucking amazing. So. IDEK.

7x10 & 7x11 - Plot important.

7x12 - Time travel episode! See if you can catch the bi!dean moment ;)

7x17 - Cas is back! Or is he???

7x18 - GARTH EPISODE

7x20 - CHARLIE!!!! WATCH THIS EPISODE!!!!

7x21 - Cas episode. It’s... interesting.

7x22 - The tagline for this episode is “Sam and Dean seek out an Alpha” 😭. It’s a Cas episode.

7x23 - If Cas weren’t in this episode I’d say skip it.

Season 8 - A fantastic season. If The Man Who Would Be King is the destiel episode, season 8 is the destiel season. When you watch this, DM me so I can RANT about all the amazing destiel this season. It’s also, again, a great season in general I remember watching it as it was airing it was soooo good. You have the arrival of the Bunker, you have Kevin and Charlie being awesome, some nice sprinkles of batshit episodes, BEST BOY BENNY rocks up in all his glory. Fucking epic season. Only downside it Sam’s character takes a bit of a dive. I’d recommend you watch through all of this season.

Episodes To AVOID:

7x13 - I literally pretend this stupid fucking episode doesn’t exist. Basically Dean impregnates a woman with Super Pregnancy and she has a daughter who becomes an adult within hours and then dies. The end. Everyone hated it. Man fuck this episode. Of course it was written by Buckleming.

Season 9 - Sadly, after how amazing season 8 was, and how spectactularly season 9 was set up, this season is a disappointment. It’s an ok season. It’s not bad, it’s not good, it’s just a bit all over the place.

I was going to give you the normal episode list to not skip, but looking through, most episodes this season should be watched for one reason or another. Either they’re Cas heavy, they do some interesting character building, or they feature one of the awesome side characters like Charlie or Jody.

This season is probably the height of the war in the writers’ room about destiel. Some writers want to no homo the whole thing and back way off, while other writers want to lean into it hard. So in the same season where SPOILER Cas loses his virginity to a random reaper woman and Dean kicks Cas out of the bunker to fend for himself, you also have Cas’ fatal flaw used as propaganda against him by Metatron being that he’s "in love” with humanity Dean. /SPOILER Whatever you do DON’T SKIP THE FINAL FEW EPISODES. TRUST ME.

Season 10 - Haha oh dear. This season is likely the biggest for wasted potential. You saw the end of season 9, right? You go “HOLY SHIT YES LET’S DO THIS” and then they do... season 10. They really became experts at setting up an awesome season only to fuck it up in delivery, right? Again, not a bad season, per se.

Episodes To AVOID:

9x05 - In which Dean wants to fuck a dog. I am not joking. I wish I were. Basically a spell-gone-wrong makes Dean doglike. it’s weird. it’s batshit. Not the good kind.

Season 11 - Season 11 is a pretty good season! They tried to give Dean a female love interest but Jackles said ✨No✨ and played Dean as brainwashed and uncomfortable the whole time and I love him for it. Of special note this season is the episode Baby (11x04), which is my favourite episode in the series! It’s funny, it’s heartwarming, it’s weirdly shot. I love it! We also get casifer this season which is awesome! Some episodes are skippable, but they’re generally good episodes.

Episodes NOT to Skip (ignore the 10 year special):

10x01 & 10x02 - Great episodes, Dean in this is *chefs kiss*.

10x04 - *sighs* Fan Fiction. A 200th episode that is simultaneously a love letter to fans and laughing in fans’ faces. I’ve never liked this episode for the second-hand embarressment of it all, but you should watch it and see if you like it.

10x06 - Pretty good episode.

10x07 - Jody AND Donna! Fantastic episode!

10x08 - Dadstiel rears his ugly head. I fucking love how Cas adopts two (2) kids over the course of the series and in both cases Dean eventually goes “ah fuck, I guess I gotta co-parent this thing”. Also we get some KILLER destiel this episode. hey go on a DATE and Cas tells Dean he’s a good person ^_^

10x09 - Good episode. Much destiel.

10x10 - Charlie episode!

10x11 - Teen!Dean! Need I say more?

OK so I just had a look, and you really just need to watch every episode from this point in the season on. Enjoy!

Season 12 - Another example of a TERRRIBLE season, is season 12. Season 12 is also one of the most destiel-heavy seasons in the show. You see the issue? Like, it’s got a stupid plot that makes no sense and has no fucking cohesion, but you also FINALLY have the writers going “fuck it” and all in on the destiel. After this point Dean never has another non-Cas love interest and vice versa, they stop giving us whiplash from baiting and no-homoing. IF the conspiracy theory is true, and the end of the show is shit because of executive meddling, this season is the one where the writers decided they were gonna push for destiel endgame.

I gotta tell you the truth, I skipped this season in my rewatch, so all of my memories are from years ago when it first came out. This seson was the last that I watched live (for a reason). Should you skip it? No. But I’m not well informed enough about this season that I can point out what episodes you should or should not watch.

Season 13 - Congratulations! You’ve reached the point where the show’s gotten consistently good again! (just in time for most of the audience to have already left lol). We start off with SPOILERS Dean mourning Cas like he’s lost the will to fucking live. I’m talking complete despondence, praying for Cas to come back, lashing out in anger at everything, one of the darkest points we’ve ever seen him at on the show, then pulling a 180 and being super happy the second Cas comes back. /SPOILERS They also introduce Jack, who is the SECOND child Cas decides to adopt and Dean ends up co-parenting (Sam too). In fact, Jack is explicity Sam, Cas, and Dean’s kid.

Season 14 - Another good one. My only issue is where they decided to take the plot at the end of the season. I’d recommend watching it all, regardless.

Season 15 - And so we’ve come to the end of the line. This season was... well it was actually pretty good. It started off with what we hellers lovingly refer to as the “divorce arc” where Cas and Dean have a big blow up, and Cas leaves, but that ends with Dean praying on his knees for forgiveness and a nice hug. Honestly this season you can cut the tension between the two of them like a knife, and you can tell Misha and Jensen were doing it deliberately.

I’d say watch up until 15x18, then you decide what to do with the last two episodes. If you want you can watch them to understand just why people put their conspiracy theory hats on, or you can send me another ask and I’ll rec you some post 15x18 finale fics! There’s one fic that’s a replacement for 15x20 written in script format that is particularly good.

Anyway that’s it. It’s kind of left me a little sad, to break down the show in this way. Especially coming up to season 15 nd remembering all the wasted potential. Honestly if you do decide to watch the show, good luck. I hope you enjoy it. I’m also glad you never had to be put through the bullshit false hope that came about after 15x18.

#supernatural #destiel #deancas #spn

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somestansomewhere · 3 years

Text

Frank’s Dementia in 11a

Points to discuss:

Moments where Frank forgot.

Things he might be able to remember.

Other characters finding out.

Aftermath...

So to start of, I made a list of every instance in SEASON ELEVEN A, where Frank’s memory seemed a bit off, I’m not gonna analyze the whole series for this but I’m sure there’s more there. Now:

Moments Where Frank Forgot

11x01

1. Frank’s History of Chicago

While this does appear to imply just the opening monologue, there are actually several moments throughout the episode where Frank is talking about the Gallagher’s running Chicago to Alan. And while this seems like typical “Frank being drunk nonsense”, plus a spectacular opening to the season... I now see it in a different light especially after:

2. Frank’s Memory Elixir

Frank LITERALLY has a line asking for “memory elixir”, meaning booze, which Alan hands him. Ironic since he has ALCOHOLIC DEMENTIA. You can’t tell me that wasn’t intentional!

3. He Forgot Bars Were Closed

Now, I may be reaching here... BUT when Frank enters The Alibi for the first time this season (what a grand enterence btw) he says “I heard somewhere all bars were open again”. V responds by saying something along the lines of “three weeks ago maybe” and that the mayor shut them down again. Frank says “Well who the hell can keep track”. And okay, yeah maybe Frank genuinely didn’t know... but this is the bar he goes to EVERYDAY. Not to mention if they shut down less than THREE WEEKS AGO, Frank should know... idk this one might not count but I added it anyway. Kermit is unaware of bars being open/shut down in 11x03 so moving on:

11x02

4. The Alibi’s Secret Enterence

Okay, again REACHING! However, when Frank entered The Alibi through the Keg Zone door he forgot to use the “secret knock” and Kev had to remind him about it. Now in 11x01 he used the front door (and I’m not sure he knew to use the other door in that ep) but still at least he remembered to use the correct door in 11x02.

11x03

This is where it got noticeable.. strap in, here we go:

5. Taking Franny to School

He took her to the wrong school. This is the same person that knows the Southside perhaps better than his kids (lol), like the back of his hand! He not only took her to the wrong school but a middle/grade school. Franny is in elementary/preschool school. You can see in WHM’s face here that Frank was confused...

6. Uncle V and Aunt Kev

Maybe just a comedic slip up, but Frank calls Kev and V “Uncle V and Aunt Kev” as opposed to what they really are. Maybe he forgot? I’m reaching LOL.

7. Debbie Is Not Fiona

Frank talks about one of his favorite MEMORIES with Franny’s mom: Debbie, but “oh no, maybe that was Fiona”. Small moment, typical Frank but... nonetheless, poor memory. The writers are smart by mentioning Fiona in this scene... it’s “a Fiona mention”, we’re going to remember this, and that’s probably why they did it.

8. The Paper Store

Yeah, this was the first red flag for me and if I can recall, the moment EVERYONE knew something seemed off. Frank, walks out of the paper store with Franny and cannot remember where he is, or where they are headed. Once he is reminded of their “goals” for the day (by Franny, a five year old) he proceeds to head to the paper store... Franny once again let’s him know that they already went there and Frank notices the paper already in his (Franny’s) backpack. Ouch.

11x04

9. The Nation of Islam

Ooo this one hurt! After Frank suggests to visit The Nation of Islam in an attempt to get their help to get rid of the Milkoviches, him, Kev, and Liam do. We SEE them go there. It’s a whole scene, so later in the episode when Frank suggests to go ask them for help AGAIN as if it were a completely new idea, we as an audience know they already did that. As Kevin says they “JUST did that”. Frank forgot. Shit.

11x05

10. Mrs.McCurdy

Frank discusses with Kev about murdering Mrs.McCurdy, later he tries to murder her. We see it, we remember it becaue she grabbed Frank’s dick. It was funny, the scene evoked laughter, it forces the audience to remember it. Frank mindlessly walks into The Alibi and Kev asks Frank if he “did the thing”. Now at first Frank is confused. They were using “quotation talk” earlier so yeah I get it, but then when Kevin is more direct with Frank, Frank thinks Kev is implying that he had sex with Mrs.McCurdy... Frank is clearly confused. Only then does Kev point out that he meant MURDER. Frank takes a second, again if you watch he does not know what Kev is talking about, but then it hits him, and he remembers. Thus continuing the convo like nothing.

11x06

11. Monica

Now this one REALLY hurt. Frank’s first scene of the episode is a sex scene between him and Letty. She’s blonde, and Frank calls her Monica. He truly believes he is sleeping with Monica, only Monica is dead, she been since season seven. When Letty mentions that she isn’t Monica (thinking Frank calling her that was only a sex thing), we see WHM’s brilliant preformence once again. Frank doesn’t know what Letty means, he thinks she’s Monica. Then when he realizes she isn’t, he gets this lost dejected look on his face. He’s confused and knows that he keeps getting confused.

Frank says “I gotta get to work”. Letty asks him where he works and Frank is left bewildered.

12. Seven

Okay so remember Frank and Franny’s adventure in 11x03? Frank visits a dry cleaners to get some weed. They make a point of Franny saying that Frank will pay SEVEN for the weed. No offer is made and Frank must get it somewhere else. Throughout the episode Frank refterences SEVEN to Kev & V as the asking price to sell. We as an audience are forced to remember SEVEN. Also in 11x03, as Debbie frantically looks for Frank/Franny, she visits the dry cleaners where they were (retracing their steps). We as an audience have been there twice.

Now, in 11x06 Frank goes to pick up an order but like, we already saw him go there episodes ago. When the woman behind the counter literally tells him she has nothing for him and he argues with her, WE KNOW she is right. Once again, Frank forgot. I’m so sad. Not only that but Kev and V don’t have Frank going on runs anymore. Ian & Mickey are doing it... Frank is legit lost and forgot that he’s not doing that anymore, Kev tells him he’s not in 11x04.

Ms.G even says to Frank that she doesn’t need to write anything down to remember it because the “Mind’s a steel trap”. She doesn’t owe him... she can use her mind to remember where Frank cannot. The irony.

13. Pedestrian, Blue, Handlebar (abc)

a) Frank getting hit in the head results in him having a visit to the hospital where a nurse discovers that Frank has no clue how he got there and more specifically, how he got hit in the first place.

b) The saddest part, when asked his name he remembers FRANK. But has to look down at her sheet to know his last name is GALLAGHER. This is the man who walks around saying “It’s up to Frank Gallagher to save the neighborhood”. He forgot his last name.

c) The scene goes on, the nurse asks him to remember three words: pedestrian, blue, and handlebar. They discuss other things, then she asks him to tell her those words. It’s so abundantly clear that Frank just cannot. He doesn’t remember. He was told like 30sec ago and gets, for the first time ASHAMED. He’s the most shameless person ever (hence the title of the show) but now the tides have turned. He “doesn’t wanna play this game anymore”. Frank can recognize AGAIN that he is confused, only now he is forced to face it. The nurse noticed, she runs some tests and Frank learns that he has early stages of alcoholic dementia. This isn’t his liver, he can’t get a new one, this is his brain.

14. + 15. Letty & Terry

Just two bonuses, Frank wanders aimlessly into the Alibi again (like in 11x05) because it’s routine for him. Letty calls him over. Frank forgot they were supposed to meet there. :(

Frank and Terry on the porch: Maybe it’s just bad writing or they were trying to make a point but like a “Gallagher-Milkovich War” never happened??? We watched the show for 11 seasons... Also are the Milkoviches actually from Poland Frank? I’ll excuse that one cuz Ian mentioned it too, but I thought they wer Ukrainian. These seem like writing mistakes tho so oops.

Things He Might Be Able To Remember

Frank has his and Franny’s name tattooed on his body... he literally forgot his last name at the hospital. And if he forgets a bunch in 11b then that’ll be the payoff for the tattoo... he might not know why the tattoo is there or who the people are listed on his arm, or even what it means exactly, but he will know that Frank loves Franny.

Where he lives. Frank never threw out the paper with his diagnosis. He might remember his home, however the conflict comes in the fact that the Gallaghers might be selling it. He needs to be around people/places that are familiar to him. This could jeopardize his memory.

The Alibi is where Frank seems to just walk to or go to whenever he has no clue where he is or going but it’s subtle. I could see him getting lost and no one knowing where he is and Frank just being at the Alibi beacuse idk muscle memory? He’s on autopilot.

Early stages of ALCOHOLIC Dementia can improve. Like if maybe Frank were to tell someone and if he wasn’t removed from the Gallagher house, and oh I don’t know if Frank STOPPED DRINKING, he could remember. But I don’t think we’re heading in that direction, especially if the house is sold, and let’s face it... it looks that way.

Fiona? Will he forget her... this all feels reminiscent of 4x11.

Other Characters Finding Out

Franny, Kevin, and Liam, are the only people who have REALLY been subject to the possibility of noticing... but think about it. Franny is too young to notice anything, Kevin is not the brightest bulb, he doesn’t seem to realize it either, and Liam was exposed to it once, but at that time he was so scared about the Milkoviches that he didn’t notice it. Maybe if he saw it again, he would. Liam is smart enough.

I wonder if the Gallaghers will just find out the hard way (,like those stills from 11x08 are making me think,) or if anyone will begin to seriously pick up on it. I intially thought they would show Frank forgetting in front of each character until someone was able to notice but scratch that. They seem to be setting Lip up on the “alcoholic path” this season, (and I may go more into depth about that one another time, it’s another big post if I do get into it). But what will the Gallagher’s reactions/feelings be towards Frank’s diagnosis? Mickey and Ian had many Terry/Frank discussions in 11x06 literally setting up for it. It hurt when they all kept dismissing Frank because yup, they don’t know yet. They would have to help him in order to keep his memory maintained, but that’s the thing... Frank’s pride. He might deny their help even if they actually were to give it to him... Either way, I’m “looking forward” to see how this all unravels and how everyone finds out and what their reactions will be, which brings me to my final topic:

Aftermath...

So what happens? Will they sell the house, potentially causing Frank to forget? Will he not know his kids, his history? Will he die? Will Frank finally stop drinking... yeah I doubt that... So what WILL happen? Will the Gallaghers be left to take care of Frank? Will they even do that? Will he remember them?

What if in 1x01 Frank’s narration IS his memory? We see him talking about his kids to someone? It circles back? I don’t know, but either way I expect this whole thing to pull on our heartstrings. When the rest of the regulars find out... it’s gonna get real, and rough.

Interesting stuff coming up in 11b I’m sure. Let’s see how this plays out for our Protagonist and Patriarch: Frank Gallagher.

Omg, if you read through this, you are so cool and I really really appreciate you! Please send me an ask or write a note, I would love to get your take on the matter. 💙

Hope you enjoyed this analysis and I hope it didn’t go on too long.

#frank gallagher #season 11 #shameless season 11 #shameless #gallavich #dementia #my lists

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solar-pxwered · 4 years

Text

A List Of Norman Reedus Movies/Shows I Have Seen And My Opinions On Them

1. The Boondock Saints

The Best. A classic. Bloody and inappropriate and if I remember my count correctly, contains 194 “fucks” or variations of it (this movie certainly illustrates the diversity of the word). Terrible Irish accents. A KICKASS soundtrack. Willem DeFoe crossdressing. Dropping toilets on people’s heads. Over the top action sequences. Cheesy dialogue. Campy as fuck. I freakin’ love it.

2. The Boondock Saints 2: All Saints Day

Some people didn’t like this one as much as the first one, and I admit that I wasn’t as fond of the new detective in this one as I was of Smecker...but, overall, I really enjoyed it and I drove 2 hours to see it in theaters. I love Romeo more than Rocco. The humor was on point. It was nice to see the original actors for Doc, Dolly, Duffy and Greenley. There was more terrible Irish accents, another KICKASS soundtrack, cheesy dialogue, over the top action sequences, still campy as fuck. I freaking love it.

3. The Walking Dead

Cannot even describe how much I love this show. I have ALWAYS loved zombie related shows and movies so this show was right up my alley from the very beginning all the way back in 2010. I watched it religiously every Sunday. I adore this roller coaster ride of a show and I especially adore Daryl, Carol and Jerry. This show has it all: Comedy, drama (hella lots of that), tragedy and triumph...and it never fails to pulls me in and hold my interest.

4. Mimic

Honestly, I saw this a LONG time ago and I hated it because...well, because I have a cockroach phobia, ok?! Don’t judge. Norman’s part was pretty small, not one of his lasting impressions on me.

5. Six Ways To Sunday

This is a weird one. It’s about an overly innocent 18 year (played by Norman) who gets involved in the Mob and develops an alter ego that’s violent and his complete opposite. There’s murder, prostitutes and good ol’ fashioned mother-son incest and it wasn’t a movie I suggest for the lighthearted or anyone with those sort of triggers.

That being said, I watched the whole thing and didn’t hate it. It was just uncomfortable...as seems to be a theme with Norman Reedus movies.

6. Dark Harbor

This fucking movie...

Ok, so, I’ll be straight with you: I really enjoyed this dumbass movie. It had me guessing right up to the very end and it took me on a very strange ride along the way.

If watching someone sexually feed a woman a poisonous mushroom, lots of dark eyed staring scenes or Norman Reedus making out with Alan Rickman is your thing, then go for it.

7. Let the Devil Wear Black

It’s modern Hamlet. What else is there to say? If you like Hamlet, you’ll like this movie. If you like pre-car accident, baby face Reedus with the black hair, you’ll like this movie. I liked it.

8. 8MM

You know what the best thing about this movie is? Nicholas Cage. He steals the damn show no matter what movie he’s in and no one can even deny that fact. Norman’s part in this one is pretty small too but I liked this movie anyway because...well, Nick Cage. Enough said.

9. Bad Seed

I honestly can’t remember how this movie ends, all I remember was that it wasn’t at all how I expected it. I liked this movie because it’s a psychological thriller and that’s my most favorite genre of all time. The movie’s premise is a guy suspects his wife of having an affair and comes home one night and finds her murdered so he goes after her lover (Reedus) to try and kill him because he believes he was the one who killed her. It’s a cat and mouse chase sort of thing...now I need to rewatch it because I can’t, for the life of me, remember how it ends.

10. Gossip

Ok, no JOKE, this is the best movie I ever randomly discovered and I can’t believe how many people have never heard of it! It’s got some big names in it (Lena Headey, Norman Reedus, James Marsden and Kate Hudson to name a few).

It’s a psychological thriller/mystery drama in which three friends start a rumor at their school as a social experiment for their class. The rumor grows, however, and suddenly it’s out of their hands and spiraling out of control. People start getting hurt, reputations get dragged through the mud and then it escalates to the point of someone losing their life. The three main characters {Reedus, Headey and Marsden) try to figure out the truth behind the out of control rumors and discover more than they ever imagined, or ever wanted.

I HIGHLY recommend this movie. I really, REALLY do. The ending is one of the best twists I’ve seen in a LONG time.

11. The Beatnicks

This movie is so weird. It’s like...it’s just really weird. It revolves around two beat poets who find a magic box that somehow magically helps them get good at being poets but it’s like...an evil box and so they decide to only use it once and then get rid of it. Yeah, it’s a weird movie. Not my highest suggestion.

12. Blade II

Ok, if you’ve never seen the Blade Trilogy then I just don’t even know what to tell you.

My favorite of the three movies, Blade 2 gives us the glorious Reedus character of Scud, the pot smoking, horrible-shirt-wearing, mechanical genius and Blade’s sidekick. Not only is he precious and adorable, the movie in all is enjoyable and has a fun rave-esque soundtrack.

The one thing I hate? *SPOILER ALERT* Scud’s scummy betrayal.

13. Tough Luck

This is another one of those movies that I liked but it’s just so freaking weird.

It’s a psychological drama where a down on his luck con artist, Archie (Reedus), tries to rip off a carnival worker and gets caught. As punishment, he’s hired to work at the carnival to pay off the debt. He gets involved in a scheme to murder the owner’s wife, but falls in love with her in the process.

Things go to shit. He gets the short end of the stick. More plots and lies develop. It’s all twisted until the end and the answers fall into place.

I really like this movie, it’s one that I kept and still have my copy of.

A word of warning though, never leave this movie on your movie shelf for your father to find and watch while you’re away at college, resulting in your mother calling you and asking you why you have such a nasty movie. Because the sex scene at the end is OUTRAGEOUS. I mean, it is the FUNNIEST fucking sex scene I have ever seen in my life and I can’t ever watch it without cringing and laughing. My mother, however, didn’t think it was funny at all and my father was too shocked to even form a sentence.

I highly suggest this trippy as hell movie.

14. Octane

Ok, to be fair, this movie is actually alright, although Norman’s character gets the shittiest death possible. I mean, imagine dying because some psycho vampire kisses you and bites your tongue out. That’s one shitty death.

But, overall, this is a good thriller. Johnathan Rhys Meyers plays the villain and he’s always pretty quality. The story is basically a teenager has a disagreement with her mom and gets picked up by this drugged up, blood sucking, vampire wannabe cult and indoctrinated joining them. Her mother joins up with a tow truck driver (Reedus) whose daughter was also kidnapped years ago and who has been hunting the cult down ever since.

It was a cringe filled, yet interesting, movie and I didn’t hate it.

15. John Carpenter’s Cigarette Burns

This is John Carpenter....OF COURSE I liked this one.

I won’t say what it’s about because that would ruin the story, but it’s part of an anthology and John Carpenter loved Norman’s role so much he STILL talks about it today and suggests Norman to people in the industry.

It’s a good one if you’re into horror shorts or anthologies or the genius of the legend that is John Carpenter.

16. A Crime

I had completely forgotten about this movie until I started making this post, but now that I remember...I REALLY liked this one!!

This is a pretty sad one, but it was very good and Norman’s acting in it is absolutely wonderful. His character’s wife was murdered and the suspect was never found so his neighbor, who really likes him, creates a fake culprit so that he can finally get some closure.

This is a good one. I suggest this one if you’re in the mood for a strange sort of romance movie that has underlying thriller tones.

17. Moscow Chill

I remember watching this one, and I remember enjoying it, but I honestly can’t remember anything about it except that it’s a Russian film in which Norman plays a computer hacker who gets hired to hack into a Russian bank and gets caught and put in prison. But I honestly can’t remember what happens in detail.

If you like foreign movies with hacking and subterfuge plots, then give it a try because I do remember enjoying it while I watched.

18. Red Canyon

This one is kinda fucked up. Imagine Daryl Dixon mixed with Breaking Bad mixed with Deliverance and you’ve pretty much got the story...

A brother and sister return to their mother’s hometown to settle things and put their horrible past behind them...but upon returning they end up reliving the nightmare all over again.

It’s a good thriller/horror watch, but there are scenes of sexual violence so if that’s not something you can handle, then don’t watch this one.

19. Hero Wanted

This. Is. A. GOOD. Movie.

Cuba Gooding Jr. is the lead and he does an AMAZING job. Gooding’s character is a garbage man who falls in love with a girl who never takes any notice of him. To get her attention, he stages a heist in which he is supposed to jump in, save the day, and win the girl...only the heist turns out to be real and he is shot and the girl is also shot in the process. He sets out for revenge and gets in way over his head.

Norman’s part in this isn’t very big...but HOLY SHIT, was it impactful. His character didn’t have a lot of screen time, in comparison to a lot of other people, but he had a solid backstory and reason for being involved and MY GOD did I cry about it. This was actually the first movie of his I watched AFTER discovering Boondock Saints and it solidified my love for his acting abilities.

A very good watch. Highly suggest.

20. Messengers 2: The Scarecrow

This one is pretty ok, actually, as far as lame horror movies go.

The plot is simple: Blonde, beardy, corn farmer Norman gets slowly driven insane by the haunted scarecrow in his field that he thinks putting up is a good idea for some damn reason. He starts to get more and more violent and rapey as time goes on until his family is forced to take up arms against him.

It’s not bad. Second part in what I THINK is a trilogy? I’ve only ever seen the first two. If you like horror movies then this one is a good watch. As I mentioned though, there is an attempted rape scene in this one so just be aware.

21: Pandorum

It’s an alien movie. Astronauts run into a species that is stronger and hungry for tasty humans. Shepard (Norman’s character) doesn’t make it out alive. If you’re not in the mood to see Norman get LITERALLY gutted or other characters get nommed by aliens, then don’t watch.

If you ARE, then go ahead and watch, because it was pretty alright.

#norman reedus #panja speaks #I just thought anyone wanting to check out more of his stuff should have a starting point

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whump-tr0pes · 4 years

Note

Feel free not to answer this since it’s not writing related but I just thought I would ask. I think at some point you said you are a paramedic. I was just wondering what your favorite part of your job is? And if you had any advice for someone looking at EMS as a career. I hope you are well and I really love your writing!

Hello!

Yup, I’m a paramedic by day. Or at least I play one on TV. Tw for discussion of PTSD, alcoholism, general bad people, death

holy fuck this got long

I’d say my favorite part of the job is when I get to make deep emotional connections with people and make them feel safe during a crisis. Granted, most of my job is not that. Most of my job is the same as any first responder: handling people who cannot handle their own shit. It’s glorified babysitting with needles. It’s exhausting.

One of my favorite memories (that never fails to make me tear up) was maybe a year and a half ago. We got called to an auto parts store for difficulty breathing. When I got there, there was an employee outside having a full-blown panic attack, with all the people already on scene crowding him and making it worse. When I got to him, I tried to figure out what was going on, but at that point he was completely nonverbal. So I leaned in and asked him if he was nonverbal because of a panic attack. He nodded. I said I wanted to give him something to break it. Not to knock him out, just a little bump of ativan to help break the attack. He nodded and I gave him the shot and got him into the ambulance. The ativan took about 5 mins to take effect but once it did, the attack broke, and he was able to talk to me.

He told me he was a firefighter in Albuquerque. (For those who don’t know, Albuquerque is one of the few places in the country where people shoot at the fire trucks, not just the ambulances and police cars. It’s a rough place to be a first responder and honestly you could not pay me enough, and they probably wouldn’t try to pay me enough anyway.) I asked him if he had PTSD, and he did, from, ya know, the being shot at and stuff. And just the usual first responder stuff that I won’t go into here. He said he didn’t know what set him off, but that he was really embarrassed and sorry it happened. I passed him off to the nurse at the hospital and made very fucking sure she understood what he was going through. He shook my hand and told me he thought I was his angel that day, because I made him feel safe and cared for. Then I went to the ambulance and bawled like a kid.

If you’re looking to go into EMS as a career, prepare for it to not fulfill you. I’m serious. Find something else that makes you happy, too. I was depressed for *checks watch* oh, say about four years because my made my life EMS. I worked hospital transfers. I went to school. I volunteered 911 in Commerce City, the glorified slum just north of Denver. I went to medic school. I picked up overtime. I joined their Spec Ops and Rescue Team. The only people I saw were my partner, and my coworkers.

It’s no life. It’s a job. Yes, there are parts of it that are unlike anything else, so much so that I have no idea what I’m going to do when my body gives out and I can’t be on the street anymore. There’s nothing in the world like it. But those moments only happen maybe a few times a month, and I’m in one hell of a dry spell.

In between those moments are the drunk assholes who are out of jail after their fifth assault on a woman, who want a ride to the hospital so they don’t have to wipe their own ass. There are the people who literally just don’t feel like making an appointment with their doctor for the sniffles. There are the old ladies who fell and just need a hand up. There are the parents who call because their kid fell off the couch and landed on their feet, but they just need the kid “checked out” because they’re a first time parent and don’t know any better. There are the accidents where people fake neck pain for an insurance payout. There are the people who are lonely because their spouse of 60 years just died and they’d rather go to the hospital with you than spend one more night in an empty bed. There are dead people who shouldn’t have died, of every age. There are people who call you for help, but try to punch you in the face for not giving them dilaudid. There are months where no matter what you do, your patients just keep dying and you have to wonder if you’ll ever get better at telling people their loved ones are gone. Then there are the people who call right after that to bitch about their sore toe that’s been hurting for a week.

(Yes, I’ve had every single one of these calls. Most of them way more than once.)

Find something else that fuels you. Otherwise you’ll depend on that validation from your job. And when it doesn’t come, you’ll resent it. You’ll burn out.

But in the actual job, learn as much as you can. Be curious. Look up medications. Ask people about their scars. If something doesn’t feel right, investigate, or else you’ll have one pissed-off nurse asking you why the hell you didn’t think to ask why the patient woke up with narcan when you swear they haven’t done drugs. Be humble.

Remember, it’s not your emergency.

Don’t be scared of it. It’s a job. I can tell you with confidence that I was a shit EMT with shit training in a shit system when I first started out. I became a pretty decent medic. Find people who are successful and compassionate, and study them. Take the pearls of wisdom that suit you. Forget the rest. Learn your protocols.

Don’t fucking trust your leadership until you’ve watched them take a risk for you. EMS leadership is notoriously, hilariously ineffective and they will stab you in the back with a smile on their face while you’re getting paid $13/hr.

Thank you so much for asking this. I’m feeling good about my job for the first time in literal years and I’m grateful to have the opportunity to share it. And bless you for not asking me what the worst thing I’ve ever seen is. It makes me want to throttle someone.

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wasteyrselfkid · 3 years

Text

on turning 21 and other things,

(tw: suicide, mental illness)

i'm okay with being alone on most days, in fact, i love being all alone in my room all day. a book i read a while ago said 'i never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude' and i agree for the most part but sometimes the loneliness gets so overwhelming that being alone feels almost scary, especially on your birthday. i guess loneliness really sets in when you're finishing another revolution around the earth all alone in your bedroom but it's not like i felt any less lonely when I was surrounded by people i know in a crowded club in delhi. I guess what im trying to say is that I am bound to feel this sense of loneliness on every birthday. I fell asleep after writing the last sentence because it got too much even though I told my best friend I need to lie down and cut the call. maybe I just wanted to end the day on a sad note because that's what I've known since I stopped opening birthday gifts on the living room floor at my old house after all my friends left... and i was too distracted or unaware for a lack of better word that everything is not as great as it might seem for a moment.

i never finished writing this and it's been almost a month since i've turned 21. i won't lie i never thought i'd make it to 21. i'm surprised but i won't say i'm not disappointed. last year, on my birthday, once again alone in my room - crying, i promised myself that i'm going to try to become better in every way possible and actually put in the little will and hope i have into taking care of myself and see how it goes till my next birthday. if it doesn't work out, 21 doesn't sound like the worst age to disappear. i made it to 21, a little better in every way possible, still fucking sad from time to time, but i did everything i could or so i say. but i made the same promise myself to again and to be fair, it's not a bad deal. it's ironic that i'm postponing my demise in hopes that i get better, not even happy and content, just better. isn't that what everyone does until they realise it doesn't get better? i won't lie, on a day like today, it feels like it won't get better. but the little voice at the back of my head tries to convince me that it does and until my next birthday, i'll try believing her.

i don't think my life sucks, i don't think i suck either, i just find it extra hard to live life the way its supposed to be lived - to wake up, brush my teeth, work, talk to my friends and family, all of it. it doesn't come easily to me and it never has. even though, anyone who is even close to me or lives in the same house as me, would think that i've got my shit together in every sense possible - i wake up, brush my teeth, work, talk to friends and family, all of it. but every night before i go to bed, i can feel life draining out of me. every consecutive day it gets harder to wake up, i can't even fathom brushing my teeth on some days, and at times, for weeks. i don't know if this is how life is supposed to be lived, in fact, i know even if there's no one correct way to live - this definitely does not come under it. i guess having a couple of screws loose in your head makes you feel grey in every sense possible. even on your birthday. even when you're going to meet your best friend after months. even when you achieve things. it's tiring to experience pain so greatly and pleasure so fleetingly.

thinking about the future has never been exciting, not when i was 13, not now, not ever. how can something that i cannot guarantee be exciting? if anything, it's nerve-wracking. but to disappear forever as a last resort, if nothing works out, is so so so comforting. even though it's at the cost of disappointing everyone around you, but when you've been selfless your entire life - putting everyone else before yourself, this amount of disappointment is warranted for. and i hate the idea of not ending your life because it will disappoint other people, and i never think about this but what about me? how do i feel? i don't know how i feel about turning 21, i don't feel a lot of things these days. i've been living on autopilot. i don't feel the same love i felt for my friends. i can see my family disintegrating day by day and it has been years, i can only wait for it to crumble completely now. i don't feel as scared about losing my boyfriend anymore. i don't feel excited or nervous about future prospects. i don't feel anything about how i look, i don't even care to look at myself in the mirror anymore. i don't feel much but i do think a lot.

everyday i get closer and closer to just disappearing, not dying, but just disappearing from everywhere and everyone's lives. what kind of life is it when you're exhausted at the thought of speaking to your closest friends? what kind of life is it when your favourite hobbies start feeling like chores that require you to move mountains? what kind of life is it when you look into the mirror or your front camera and you don't recognise yourself anymore? what kind of life is it when you don't even care to listen to music or watch movies and use books as an escape, not for pleasure, but just to feel like you're doing something, if nothing at all? what kind of life is it when you don't feel like taking pictures of anything anymore, but you do anyway, because what if your next birthday is your last and people will have more of something to remember you by?

i guess what i'm trying to say is that turning 21 doesn't feel any different than turning any other age, my entire life has been one big blob of grey and as i get older, the blob keeps getting greyer and smaller. i found time to write this today because something disrupted my autopilot mode routine - i did nothing, i cried a little, i smoked a cigarette and thought about all the work i had to do, i skipped my workout. that made me feel shitty enough to sit down and continue writing this. i wonder if when i started writing this, it was meant to be much more hopeful - about how i enjoy solitude and i don't need anyone. and this still holds true. on most days, i'd rather be alone than with anyone. i can probably go days without speaking to people. but what kind of life is it...to enjoy solitude because you're too tired for anything else? and what kind of life is it that requires you to function like a robot to feel alright? and what kind of life is it that this is the kind of blog-post you write on turning 21?

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palaugranetes · 3 years

Text

🔵BLAUGRANETS🔴

13 January 2021

Carlitos: ALEXIA!!!!

Oscar: This is too stressful

Riqui: I need 1 more goal please they gotta!!

Oscar: I-

Riqui: Please

....

Oscar: Penalties

Frenkie: Yikes!

Pedri: I can't even..

Arnau: 😐😐😐😐

....

Riqui: 😔

Oscar: This is so sad.. they deserved more.

Carlitos: y'all better not lose.

Arnau: yes. Y'all better not.

Ansu: So help me I will kick all of you if you do.

Arnau: What Ansu said.

Arnau: No more hugs for you.

Riqui: *Gasps*

Arnau: Yeah you read me.

Riqui: How will we survive..

Arnau: 😒

--------

Ansu: FRENKIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

Carlitos: 🤴🏼 I repeat Blondie is on fire!

....

Ansu: fuck off

....

Ansu: This is too stressful

Arnau: 😖😖😖

Ansu: No please not another one

....

Arnau: Shit

Ansu: I'm just gonna leave my phone.. Bye

....

Carlitos: MARC!!!!!

Ansu: @Frenkie it's alright Rubito you still did well ♥️♥️

Carlitos: Did I jinx him?

Ansu: You did

Carlitos: MARC AGAIN OH MY GOD!!!

Arnau: Ous!💪💪💪💪💙❤

Ansu: Antoine😩

Arnau: HOLY SHIT RIQUI IS ABOUT TO TAKE!!!

Ansu:🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿 PLEASE

Carlitos: RIQUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!! VISCA LA MARE QUE ET VA PARIR!!!!!

Arnau: ALL THE HUGS!!

Ansu: GET THE FUCK IN!!!🕺🏿🕺🏿🍿🍿

JC: I aged like 10 years in these last minutes.. I don't want to go through another ET again.

14 January 2021

Frenkie: ❤ @Ansu

Carlitos: Ansumane said I jinxed you. Sorry for the jinx🤘🏻

Frenkie: 😂😂

Riqui: 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

Carlitos: I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU DID THAT. YOU ACTUALLY DID THAT

Dembz: BOSS MOVE!!!

Frenkie: It was

Pedri: THE LAST ONE!

Francisco: I'm just glad It didn't get to me.. I would have felt so awful if I missed.. I already feel bad. So thanks Riqui

Riqui: 💙

Sergiño: 🕺🏽🕺🏽🕺🏽🕺🏽💙❤

Iñaki: 🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻A la final.

16 January 2021

JC: Best of luck tomorrow guys

Arnau: Leo is back!!🕺🏼🕺🏼🕺🏼

JC: YEEESS

Pedri: 😃😃😃

17 January 2021

Ansu: Do not make me regret coming here.

.....

Ansu: I should have stayed at home.

.....

Carlitos: Is Gil okay?!

Ansu: Is that a serious question!?!?

Carlitos: Nope

Ansu: Thought so

.....

Ansu: OUCH FRENKS!😨

Carlitos: Where are the cards?!

.....

Ansu: There they are.

Ansu: Leo😳😳😳😳😳

JC: Oh shit

Carlitos: Should have done it earlier

Carlitos: Maybe kick Gil while he's at it.

Ansu: How long do you think he'll be out for?

Carlitos: Gil and his report🤷🏻‍♂️

Ansu: I should have stayed home.

18 January 2021

Frenkie: I need to sleep for 6 days.

Frenkie: Wake me up when we get to Bilbao again

Pedri: Gosh we have to play them again 😩

Riqui: And maybe more if they go through in the Copa

Frenkie: Nope. No thanks

Riqui: as IF you have a choice

Dembz: total BS

Ronald: I cannot stress this enough.. I hated every minute of that match.

Carlitos: As you should.

Ronald: I cannot wait to sleep

Oscar: Same here bro.

Frenkie: My feeling exactly.

Dembz: I say we all go to bed and just stop talking about this match.

JC: But..

Ansu: Go to sleep.

JC: But I have something to say

Ansu: And you will still have something to say tomorrow.

Arnau: Sleep

JC: 😩

19 January 2021

Francisco: 2 matches out then.

Frenkie: Wish it were me.

Ronald: Me too

Pedri: Yep

Ansu: Why not just skip the Copa match then

Oscar: Can we?

Ansu: NO

Oscar: Dammit

Ansu: Y'all are going to play. And are going to win. A NORMAL MATCH.

------

JC: Guys Remember when I said I had something to say?

.....

Sergiño: yes?

JC: Thank you for answering.

Dembz: What did you want to say? Make it quick. It's almost midnight.

JC: And?

Dembz: My sleeping schedule will be ruined

JC: Since when do you even have one?!

Dembz: Jan 1 now get on with it.

JC: Let's see how long that will last

Dembz: 😒🖕🏿

20 January 2021

JC: 😂

Dembz: Good night.

JC: 😳

Oscar: Good night.

Ronald: Night night

JC: You've gotta be fucking kidding me.

Francisco: Good night🙋🏻‍♂️

Pedri: Cold... just cold..

Iñaki: Maybe next time you will tell us earlier.

JC: 😒😒😒😒

Sergiño: So what was it? Still waiting.

JC: I love you the most little Sergi

JC: So remember the basket?

Frenkie: Again?!

JC: not mine.. Geri's

Frenkie: Yes and?

JC: I got it.

Frenkie: Continue..

JC: It was lovely.

Frenkie: See.. and you were worried. Okay good night

JC: But I'm not done...

Ansu: You should just spit it out next time. ✌🏿

JC: 🤬

--------

JC: As I was saying.

JC: So the basket had 3 DVDs 5 bags of Caramel corn a dozen chocolate bars and 2 notes.

JC: I opened the first note and it had season's greeting and a ⤵️ arrow.

JC: I am afraid to open the 2nd.

Pedri: Open it.

JC: I don't want to

Pedri: It's gonna be okay.

JC: How do you know?

Sergiño: Everything you mentioned is harmless

Oscar: Open it

Iñaki: Let him breathe

JC: I guess

Carlitos: Go on

JC: You really thought I was going to start with you? And you really thought it was going to be a basket? My boy, it is never that simple. Enjoy the treats now. Be seeing you. ✌🏻🍿 G3.

JC: I hate him.

Dembz: What does he mean he is not starting with you.. HE SAID JCDCR!!!!

Riqui: So again it could be any of us.

Pedri: Any of you 4.. not us.

Oscar: Welp..

Iñaki: I really am glad I got rid of him.

Iñaki: Sorry for you 4.

Carlitos: The fact that he has been absent from his socials scares me

Francisco: Guys um did you check the main GC?

Ansu: 😳 What does he mean?!

Frenkie: focus up guys. Y'all have a match tonight

Sergiño: Good luck.

Ronald: I cannot take another

Oscar: Should be easy enough

-------

Ansu: GET THE FUCK OUT.

Ansu: Why did he take .. !?!?

.....

Ansu: Really.. you couldn't do that 2 minutes ago?!

Frenkie: I actually am happy to not play.

Ansu: Ronald Idk how you are still going my guy but I commend you you absolute BEAST.

Frenkie: Indeed.

Iñaki: Finally...

---------

Dembz: Not a single word. Good night.

Arnau: 😂😂

Pedri: 😁😁 Night night

Riqui: 🤷🏼‍♂️🤷🏼‍♂️🤷🏼‍♂️🤷🏼‍♂️🤷🏼‍♂️

Carlitos: How are you guys still standing for real.

24 January 2021

Riqui: Rise and shine idiots.. La Liga is back

Carlitos: This has been quiet for so many days I thought y'all forgot about it.

Riqui: We're all dead

Carlitos: I'll say

Iñaki: Hello hello!

Riqui: I have a good feeling today

Ansu: Me too

Ansu: About what?

Riqui: The match

Ansu: ohhh

Ronald: I'm just glad an ET is not possible here

Francisco: We can do this.

Arnau: We sure can.

Ansu: You better.

Pedri: Another Leo-less match... sighs

Frenkie: 😩

Oscar: Final one! I hope

----------

Iñaki: What is it with us and late goals lately?!

Ansu: I'm not there 😌

Iñaki: Chill

Carlitos: Boy's got a point though.

Ansu: 💁🏿‍♂️

-------

Ansu: OH SHIT

Carlitos: What??

Ansu: I fell asleep😂

Carlitos: Can't blame you.

Ansu: Damn 15 minutes left.

Carlitos: I mean you didn't miss anything.

Ansu: Cool cool

.....

Carlitos: WELL HOLY SHIT!!

Ansu: He really did that 😂

JC: Are my eyes playing tricks on me?!

Ansu: Nope he did that

------

Riqui: "Carlitos: You realize Ricard is 3 feet tall and Ous would snap like a twig?" YOU WERE SAYING?!

Carlitos: 1ST OF ALL.. CONGRATULATIONS NANU 💙❤💙❤

Carlitos: 2nd..🖕🏻

Ronald: Last thing I expect was that.

Oscar: 😂😂

Sergiño: Congrats bro!

Riqui: How is that for 3 feet tall.

Carlitos: Are you ever gonna let this go?

Riqui: Nope.

Carlitos: Fuck.

Pedri: Finally no more Leo-less matches.

Riqui: Copa next match. Might not play.

Pedri: Oh for fuck sake.. another ET prone match

#blaugranets gc #blaugranets gc request #babies gc #riqui #ansu #carles #ronald #oscar #pedri #fran #iñaki #jc #dembz #arnau #sergiño #a 10 day recap #🙄#episode 17

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hermannsthumb · 4 years

Note

ok this is incredibly specific but can i request nsfw newmann on their honeymoon being quiet out of habit of living in Shatterdomes for years, but then realizing they can be as loud as they want out here and they stop holding back noises??? if this is too specific i FULLY understand and hope you have a great day!

you sure can request it bro 👀

18+/not sfw below cut!

-------

“Okay,” Newt says, “I’m going in.”’

Hermann shifts one leg and scowls at Newt over his shoulder. “It’s my arse, not some great bloody cave,” he says. “You don’t have to be so dramatic.”

Newt delivers a gentle smack to the ass in question. It doesn’t jiggle, unfortunately, but instead leaves Newt’s hand stinging a little. “Eat some cake or something, dude,” Newt says, shaking it out, “you’re killing me. Skin and fucking bones.” He remembers hurting his hip once trying to nail Hermann’s bony ass back at the lab, when they only had the couch and some cheap-ass surgical lube to work with, and neither were very ideal. Especially not for someone as impatient as Hermann. He kicks when he’s pissy.

“The only one of us who ought to be eating anything right now,” Hermann says, “is you. Get on with it.”

Get on with it: delivered in his usual bitchy way, as if he’s the one doing Newt a favor here, as if Newt should be thanking him for the supreme act of kindness of being allowed to eat him out. Like he didn’t fall on the bed some ten minutes ago and bat his eyelashes and push aside his bath towel and spread his legs and go oh, Newton?

Newt grins, and falls over him to press a kiss to his shoulder. Hermann smells like the fancy soap from the fancy bath they just took together and sweat. Sweat already. Weird, bitchy, sweaty Hermann. Newt laces their left hands together, enjoying the way their wedding rings clink, and rolls his hips down against Hermann’s ass in one small movement. “You smell good,” Newt says.

“You’re heavy,” Hermann complains.

Newt lets go of his hand and slips down to kneel between his parted thighs instead. “Shut up,” he says. “Okay, hand me the stuff.”

Now, normally, Newt doesn’t have a problem going down on Hermann without the aid of anything else, but the suite they booked is fancy as hell and had at least ten different types of lube packed into the bedside drawer, so Newt thinks he should at least try one. “Which one?” Hermann says. He puts on his glasses to squint between a few bottles Newt pulled out earlier. “Cherry? Butterscotch? Oh, this one is Wedding Cake flavor. How strange.”

“Cute,” Newt says. “Definitely the cake one.” It’s very appropriate. Wedding cake flavored sex in the wedding suite.

But Hermann hesitates. “I must say, Newton, I don’t know how I--well, feel, about having my--it--taste like--”

Newt presses a little kiss to the spot on Hermann’s ass he previously swatted. “Luckily, I’m in favor,” he says. “Hand it over.”

He works a few fingers into Hermann to expedite the hard stuff and skip past the annoying build-up that usually leaves his jaw aching like a bitch, and after deeming Hermann loose enough, settles in to breathe against his hole. “Don’t come yet, okay?” Newt says. “I still wanna ride you.”

Keeping things a steady PG-13 in the jacuzzi tub was painful; there was all that steam, and all those nice-smelling soaps and perfumes and bubbles, and there was Hermann (his super-genius super-sexy husband) all hot and naked next to him, running his hands all over his body, and the most he’d let Newt do was give his dick a few loose tugs with a soapy, rose-scented fist. I want to consummate our marriage properly, he’d breathed into Newt’s ear, which, yes, that’s awesome, that’s hot, even if consummate was one of the least sexy words out there to refer to the act. Newt kind of just thought he’d be getting around to getting fucked around now, is all. He doesn’t want Hermann to blow it early.

Hermann stretches his limbs out languidly, and burrows his face into a pillow. “Mm, I wouldn’t overestimate your abilities,” he says.

Newt shoves his tongue into Hermann in one go; Hermann muffles his whimper into the same pillow.

He tongue-fucks Hermann lazily for a bit, running his hands up and down the backs of Hermann’s pale thighs, occasionally pinching the odd soft bits of skin, and relishing in every little grunt he drags from him. Throaty and low when Newt moves his tongue back and forth; higher, thinner when Newt slips a finger back in to lick around it. Sounds Newt knows and loves.

That’s when the realization hits Newt--that Hermann’s grunts and groans don’t have to be little. That he doesn’t have to muffle them into his pillow. In the Shatterdome, with paper thin walls, they had neighbors who’d bang on the walls or submit complaints to HR when they got too loud (Newt, begging for more, or Hermann ordering him around, or the cheap mattress creaking) but--here--in their fancy motel--on their fancy honeymoon--in their fancy wedding suite, with the jacuzzi tub and ten types of lube--

Newt presses two fingers back into Hermann and inches up to whisper in his ear. “Hey, be louder,” he says. “It’s just us. I want to hear you.”

“No,” Hermann says.

Newt frowns; he presses his fingers higher, searching for the right spot, and then Hermann-- “Ah,” Hermann gasps, body seizing with it, “oh, you bloody cheat, that’s--”

“Good?” Newt supplies, frown twisting up into a coy grin. His fingers twist, too, inside Hermann, and Hermann shivers magnificently.

“Wretched little man,” he whimpers. “I ought to divorce you.”

“I think that’s an overreaction, Dr. Geiszler-Gottlieb,” Newt says.

Hermann mumbles something that sounds like smug prick. Then he lifts his head and gifts Newt another scowl. “I’ll tell you what,” he says, “why don’t you give me a reason to be loud first, and then we’ll see.”

It’s a challenge readily accepted. Newt dives back in with twice as much fervor as before, moving his fingers in intervals with his tongue, which he curls, and folds, and fans, and moves in any way he can think. Hermann’s grunts rise to groans. Then--astoundingly, or maybe it’s not that astounding, because Newt really is giving this his all--to moans. “Oh, yes, yes, Newton, keep--”

“Keep what?” Newt murmurs against one pale cheek.

“Doing that,” Hermann moans, and Newt grins.

“I got something better,” he says. He quickly lathers some of the weird lube on his dick, which has been kind of hard as shit this whole time, and drapes himself over Hermann’s bony back. The idea of having to work himself up to it too when Hermann is so nice and relaxed already just isn’t jiving with him. Plus, he’s horny. “Hm?” he says, rubbing up against Hermann’s ass. “Mind if I just...?”

“Oh, just don’t make a mess,” Hermann says, and Newt slips in neatly with a grunt. “Ah. Ah--! Newton, don’t go too--” But Hermann pushes back against him eagerly, tearing at the sheets and moaning all the while.

It’s always a bit of a challenge to do it like this, since Hermann can’t put much strain on his knee without it hurting, so Newt usually ends up crouching awkwardly while Hermann lies ramrod-straight below. But Hermann’s taken his pain meds just before they undressed (which made the champagne Newt had sent up undrinkable, but whatever), and the bath relaxed his joints, and they avoided engaging in anything more strenuous than blowjobs all week in preparation, so Newt thinks they’ll manage if he lifts Hermann up by the hips just a little bit to nail him better.

And to coax some more sounds out of him. It works: the instant their angle changes, and Newt slides in deeper, Hermann tosses his head back with a choked-off shout. “You’re a tease,” he says, “you’re a--oh, Newton, darling, move at once, or I’ll--”

“Bossy,” Newt laughs, and then Hermann clenches down around him and he swears. “Fuck. Now who’s cheating?”

“Newton,” Hermann moans.

The faster Newt pumps himself hips in and out of Hermann, the louder Hermann gets; he curses, and he moans, and he even shouts a few times (mostly orders at Newt, go faster, go slower, do that again, though once he does say I love you). It’s not just Hermann, in fact. Newt surprises himself with how loud he’s being too. Obnoxious grunts, embarrassing squeaks, a low running commentary of filth that Hermann matches in kind. “Yeah, you like that?” he whines, loudly, in Hermann’s ear. “You like what I’m doing?”

Hermann twists his head around to lock eyes with Newt over his shoulder; his face is flushed a bright, angry red. “Yes,” he half-shouts. “Yes, Newton, bugger my arse, oh--”

It takes Newt a few seconds to stifle his giggles. “Dude,” he says. “You cannot say shit like that. It’s--” Hermann clenches around him again, in a way so aggressive Newt can practically feel his annoyance. Fortunately, that’s all Newt needed. “Oh, shit, okay, I’m--”

“Wait, wait,” Hermann says, “not--”

“Too late,” Newt says, and he fucks Hermann through a messy orgasm, only collapsing atop him once he’s sure he’s done. “Oh, yeah. That was awesome.”

“I was going to say not in me,” Hermann says mournfully. “I can’t stand the mess.”

Newt loves the mess. “It’s cool,” he says. “You can bugger me now and do it in me to make up for it.”

Hermann scowls, but he doesn’t decline the offer.

#newmann #maria's fanfiction tag #not sfw /////

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macklives · 4 years

Text

session 92 end (bye 413...)

this session was so long but so fucking hectic what the fuck

im going to try and slim it down to its bare essentials rather than go on a full rant because im pretty sure i want to make a post later on about vriska’s characterisation (not anything about me liking her/disliking her, just an analyse on her life really, so it wont be too bias because thats not the point of an analysis. i also want to do one on aradia, been meaning to for a while... hmm... damn i havent done much analogies lately, and i THINK the last long post on a character i made was about davesprite??? so its been a fucking while. that being said, ill leave a lot of details out for this end of session notes so i dont just repeat myself later on. rather will keep to plot points here and then make character points in another)

alright

first we had a page or two where aradia confided in nepeta about her being dead which means nepeta is the only one to know this revelation. im pretty sure aradia confided because there was no other way around it, since nepeta was her server player, so it was inevitable. either way, aradia still put her trust in nep, which means, if you think about it, nobody else knows and nobody else ever will. and considering aradia asked nep to keep it a secret, it probably wont get explored by others until MAYBE later on, whenever its plot relevant, so everyone will be in the dark about it for a while which ill have to remember for future dialogue and scenes with aradia in them

then we met vriska

which, yes, is a meme. i may not have been on a lot of fandom platforms, but you cant escape some of the stuff that goes around the internet. even if you dont know undertale, im pretty sure you know of sans. or komaeda if you have/havent seen danganronpa. its just.. the memes, ya know? ive heard from many sources of the “vriska did nothing wrong” quote (even through mbmbam which??? WHAT) but since i didnt even know what it meant, i never explored it so then i never knew it was a homestuck thing. imagine my surprise...... i think even at the time, i wouldnt have known what homestuck was either honestly so it wouldnt even matter. i only recently learned about the fandom.... uhh, maybe half a year ago??? yeah, august, so my knowledge was slim but vriska is a thing ive heard before, which still shocks me

goddammit

anyways back to her

so her intro was something, we pretty much found out she likes DnD (a FANATIC in fact) and feeds her lusus the flesh of living trolls. which is fucked up. but i wont get too much into detail about that until i make a post about her life on alternia and the consequences of such. or maybe just alternia in general...?? or *both* heheheh but i feel i need more information before i go off on a tangent about that

then we met??? white text dude?? who is a major asshole but an asshole with insults that hURted, to think i felt bad for VRISKA when that happened. woah.

i said before, but... karkat, he cant really hit deep because his insults are just HIM and his way to express himself. like some people find it natural to just go “FUCK YOU” to show emphasis on a point, and thats just karkats way. he may do it so aggressively that it takes you a second to realize what he said, but usually i dont take anything to heart whenever he spurts out some insults. ive progressed to the point where whatever he says, is just “karkat” and not him trying to be actively mean. rather, its now funny whenever he does say anything SOMEWHAT creative, dude has an imagination that goes on for miles

but vriska?? she IS trying to be a bully, you can tell. but i feel theres something much more to that. like shes trying to prove herself and her “blueblooded” demeanours or whatever the hierarchy is. she doesnt want to show emotions so she makes herself a barrier by being mean is what i can gather from her conversation with kanaya. im pretty sure youre not supposed to understand her until its pointed out and rather see her as an “antagonist” at first, but yeah, her insults are more pitiful than anything and i also cant take her too seriously. i may not like her as a person but her character is interesting because you cant always have the goodie two shoes as the protags. it doesnt diversify the characterisation so i like vriska as someone who makes the plot work and it becomes more interesting since you have someone that makes it harder for the main crew to progress. a happy-go-lucky adventure with no trouble and no turnabouts would be boring in a way. so having a character like vriska, or like this new white text guy, it makes you stop for a second and realize oh shit okay, here’s where shit CAN go wrong and WHY. and i do especially like it when these bastards of characters somehow have more depth than being the “bastard characters”. kinda humanizes them in a way. doesnt mean you have to LIKE them continuously, but theyre humans (trolls whatever) in the end and every person has their own story whether its for better or for worse

for example, i like her being placed into the story, along with white text, by how its all leading to this “accident” and is slowly showing us hints on what happened, but in the end, it wont be until later that we know the full story. even if it was in the past, it apparently is very vital to the plot and shapes how the characters act in the future, so important aspects like that are to look out for. and usually they only occur when theres been some trouble within friend dynamics. so without these bastard of characters, plot wouldnt grow AS strong and i often keep that in mind when i explore a story.

anyways, I HAD A POINT TO THIS: so vriska and karkat are characters who are yes, mean, but it seems to be their personality, and the way they either show emotions and convey feelings (karkat) or make a barrier so they DONT show emotions to produce vulnerability (vriska), white text guy seems to mostly be out to be an asshole. he told vriska she was useless to sum it up but im not too sure if this is one of those “first dialogue” to mould out a bias opinion before we even get to the character themselves, but judging by how vriska and karkat played out, he surely means something bad and i dont know how to explain it. but i cannot base anything off from one piece of dialogue. i dont even know what else to call him other than white text guy so...... ill just leave that out for now, until we finally get his introduction

though, i do wish to mention, and will expand on, im not wrong when i say karkat and vriska are similar but in different context. sorry if youre favourite is karkat and you dont like vriska, or vice versa, but uhhhh their introductions are so similar its uncanny and the way they’re portrayed is the same except one is more on crack about the meddling, while the other is angry about the meddling. similar to how it was with karkat, we were introduced to vriska talking with someone we knew (tavros) whom she obviously didnt like, so obviously, from her point of view, she wanted to be menacing. like how karkat was menacing to jade because she wouldnt listen to his point... he got angry, so he lashed out. but us, the readers, didnt know that. we thought “oh god its this asshole” until we made it further in the story and started to warm up to karkat. it may not be the same with vriska, she may be a bully regardless, but you cannot tell me we moulded a bias towards her character as we did when we first read karkat. theyre both truly mean to other people, maybe both for different reasons, but i do want to point out the similarities and not leave that out. im pretty sure andrew basically gave us a conversation that formed our opinion of a character right off the bat rather than go into depth of WHY they did it, and how they are naturally without the conditions of the game. which, you can also see with vriska when she conversed with kanaya. andrew started off with a character who only appears to speak once, and makes you judge them from first appearance alone, without any explanation as to why they said what they said and how they are with other characters, let says. so you assume they were simply a rude character. now look how karkat turned out. so im guessing in homestuck, the first impression should never be the opinion you stick with until MAYBE 5 more conversations with that character (each one different)

OKAY done with the vriska introduction, now to slutquius

yes, hes kinda weird, i have stated that many times. i have no idea what to say about him other than he likes porn, he likes centaur dick which just so happens to be his lusus as well and if that isnt a red flag idk what is

he also likes his lusus milk, right from the udders of his guardian

fun times, fun times

my opinion of equius kinda.. differs. which i should really put in place the “dont judge by first impression” rule, because at first i thought he was rude with, then i thought he was hhh okay, because i understood why he was being so protective over nepeta and her team placement, since the people she was going to play with WERE dangerous. but if you think about it, both sides will probably put you in danger. it just depends on which ones you confide in more to protect your back rather than those which would cause trouble on purpose, in my HONEST opinion. so equius was a little overdramatic on that part, but i got what he meant. he was on the blue team and he didnt want to leave nepeta alone without him on the red. but then this session happened. and he went back to being weird again because of the whole porn thing, especially being so open about it like dude chill youre 13. but the thing is, then i felt bad for him because hes basically touch starved. to say that he could break anything he touches, i doubt people would go up to him for hugs. in fear they would be crushed to death by a simple hug. so im guessing hes rather lonely and doesnt really know how to interact because of this. so i felt sad that he had to live a life where he needs to be careful of everything he touches so it doesnt break randomly. see? poor dude. but then things got weird. and im pretty sure hes a masochist. so my opinion on equius is a fucking cosine graph

which brings us to the final point:

gamzee and equius’ conversation

i dont even know.....like.........gamzee was unaware that equius was using him for his own power play roleplay, right? gamzee knew it was a roleplay but it had had some.. idk.... obvious sexual implications? and i bet gamzee didnt really know that? he thought they were only venting out through a simple roleplay and trying to get closer because he originally thought equius hated him, considering equius flat out said “i hate you” and gamzee went “you tell me everyday and im okay with that” so.. gamzee probably wanted only to get closer to equius so he helped out his little problem which.. thats so sweet but i feel bad he was coerced into something he didnt get, especially since he was innocent enough to go along without knowing equius’ true gain

anyways, equius was getting off with the hierarchy thing. considering he’s “lower” than gamzee, and gamzee is surprisingly ...high on the spectrum??? so equius wanted gamzee to boss him around, because it felt only natural to him since he’s the “inferior one” and gamzee is The Big Man. like i get that, but it was written in a way that was so uncomfortable, that i wish i didnt. equius is just a weird character... hes not BAD per say, but hes... hes something alright

but im really liking gamzee. the two things which struck me in that one conversation, was the “i dont get why we should dictate people by the colour of their blood, i just see people as people” piece of dialogue and “i cant go around pleasing just everything so its alright if you hate me”

thats... so good, idk. i really liked that. i also really liked when kanaya said “youre dangerous but dangerous people are needed and are important because it shapes you” like <33 my fucking heart

god homestuck may be a tad on the weird side with some of its characters but it surely knows how to create great lines of dialogue

and that concludes the long 4 hour session i did, hope you all enjoyed it

with that, i rest

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #hs92 #hs92 end #i wrote more than i should have but i had a lot to say #just you wait for those analogy/analysis posts

147 notes · View notes

kurowrites · 4 years

Note

“so like, i know we broke up and stuff but funny story, i haven’t told my family yet and they just assumed you’d be coming with me for [insert family celebration] and i really don’t know how to tell them and i know this is really selfish but i can’t break my great grandma’s heart like that, she’ll probably have a heart attack and– wait what? you’d do that for me? holy shit, i love you… wait–” LWJ/WWX

As Wei Ying rings the doorbell, his heart is in his throat. He can’t remember another time in recent history when he felt this nervous. He’s often accused of being shameless and rarely minds it, but even he thinks that begging at your ex-boyfriend’s door is pretty close to the top of the list of shameless things. He had to steel himself in the hallway for five minutes before he finally decided to go through with it. He thought about simply sending a text, but no. If he actually wants to go through with this, he has to face Lan Zhan directly. Everything else would be disrespectful to Lan Zhan, especially if it’s Wei Ying asking for the favour. So, he rings the doorbell, and tries to ignore the violent thundering of his own heart.

This will be the first time that he comes face to face with Lan Zhan since their break-up a year ago.

For a little while after the break-up, Wei Ying had been convinced he would crumble to pieces simply by seeing Lan Zhan’s face. He’s still not entirely sure if he’s going to be okay once he actually sees Lan Zhan, but the current situation leaves him no other choice. Sooner or later, he will have to face Lan Zhan again, he tells himself. It’s been a year, too. Lan Zhan has probably moved on by now. There’s nothing to be afraid of.

There is no immediate reaction after he’s rung the doorbell, and the silence in the hallway extends for so long that Wei Ying is already convinced Lan Zhan isn’t even home. He’s just about to turn away when the door opens, and Lan Zhan stands in the doorframe, looking at him.

Wei Ying is robbed of his breath. Lan Zhan looks better than ever in a stylish white sweater with zippers at the wrists and grey slacks, his long hair carefully bound back. Fuck. In terms of looks, Lan Zhan has always been a 13.

“Uh… hi,” Wei Ying stutters, and it’s at this point that his rational brain finally decides to start working. In fact, it starts screaming at him something along the lines of ‘What the fuuuuck are you doing here?’ Lan Zhan is obviously doing well without Wei Ying, and he really doesn’t need to be pulled back into the mess that Wei Ying’s life generally is.

Lan Zhan keeps staring at him, probably calculating how rude it would be to just slam the door into Wei Ying’s face, and if he can live with being that rude. Eventually, however, he seems to decide to be civil.

“Hello, Wei Ying,” he says.

His name on Lan Zhan’s lips is enough to make Wei Ying weak in the knees. He’s missed it – the way only Lan Zhan can say his name. It gives him a funny, tickling feeling deep inside his chest.

But he’s not here for this, for being mushy and reminiscing about the past, so he shakes himself out of his stupor.

“So,” he starts, clearing his throat nervously. “Funny story. You remember Granny Yu? I might have, uh, forgotten to tell her that you and I broke up, and uh, she just told be she’s looking forward to seeing you at Jiang Fengmian’s 60th birthday this Sunday. And well… she was always such a fan of you, and she always told me that I did something right when I started dating you, and… she’s already so old, you know. Who knows how long she might still live? I don’t want to disappoint her, and make her worry about me, so, well… I thought it would be really nice if you could come with me? Just that day? For her sake? And obviously I’ll owe you a favour, and I’ll help you with anything you want me to if you do this for me. I know I have no right to ask, but this is like, really important to me–”

Wei Ying is aware that he’s rambling, but he cannot help it. Lan Zhan is still standing there, beautiful and still as if he’s carved out of marble, and Wei Ying still vividly remembers the time when he was welcome in those arms, when an embrace from Lan Zhan meant comfort and safety. When Lan Zhan’s affection gave him relief, and not a sense of guilt. All that is now gone, but he still remembers it. He still feels that pull that irrevocably draws him into Lan Zhan’s orbit.

Lan Zhan is the best thing that he ever fucked up.

“Lan Zhan,” he says, and he has to lower his gaze to the floor, because this is too shameless even for him. “Please.”

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan replies. And then, “I will do it.”

Wei Ying’s looks up in surprise. Lan Zhan’s expression hasn’t changed, and he’s still looking at Wei Ying with an inscrutable look on his face.

“Really?” Wei Ying asks, dumbfounded. If it was him, he would probably rub his denial in his ex’s face and laugh about it.

But Lan Zhan has never been like that, has he?

“Yes,” Lan Zhan answers.

“Lan Zhan, you are a lifesaver!” Wei Ying exclaims. “How could I ever thank you? Man, I owe you a huge favour. I’ll text you all the details, ok? And I’ll pick you up, obviously. And uh… I’ll try to be as un-annoying a boyfriend as I can possibly be. Don’t want you to regret associating with me again.”

“That will not be a problem, Wei Ying.”

Wei Ying can’t quite believe that, has probably been a problem for Lan Zhan even before they started dating, but he’ll take Lan Zhan’s word for it.

“Okay, so the entire thing starts at eleven, is that okay for you? I’ll come and pick you up around ten.”

“That is fine. I will be ready.”

They look at each other for one long, silent moment.

“Thank you, Lan Zhan, really,” Wei Ying finally breathes, and tries not to think about how much he wants to kiss Lan Zhan.

How deluded did he have to be to ever have believed that he would get over Lan Zhan at some point? He will never be over Lan Zhan. He will be ninety and in a care home and someone will say something about young love, and he will get teary-eyed and start talking about that young man that he used to love when he was just a kid. That his heart was broken, and he could never love again. Not in the way he loved Lan Zhan. Never like he loved Lan Zhan.

“I will wait for your message,” Lan Zhan says, and it’s a clear dismissal.

That’s fine, that’s fine. Wei Ying needs to go home, lick his wounds, and prepare his heart for Sunday, anyway. He might have to touch Lan Zhan, and he can only hope he won’t abandon all decorum if he does. He has no idea how he’s supposed to survive that.

“Thanks,” he says and gives Lan Zhan his best confident smile. “I’m looking forward to it.”

“Until Sunday, then,” Lan Zhan says, and then he gives Wei Ying a short dismissive nod and closes the door silently.

“Until Sunday,” Wei Ying whispers at the closed door, and turns away.

Once Wei Ying is out of Lan Zhan’s apartment block, he finally allows himself to breathe again. His heart is still racing, and he still can’t quite believe it.

He did it. He asked Lan Zhan to come with him, and Lan Zhan agreed. Granny Yu’s heart will not be broken. Not because of Wei Ying and his messy private live, in any case. Now he only has to make sure that he manages to spend several hours in Lan Zhan’s proximity without embarrassing himself or anyone else. That he doesn’t start begging Lan Zhan to take him back in front of his gossipy cousins.

That one might be hard.

#kuro writes #the untamed #wei wuxian #lan wangji #mdzs #ask meme #might fuck around and write a second part #anonymous #broken heart fic #mdzs headcanons

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