#i try not to be embarrassed i am anyway.

[coyotesinew]

Some recent thoughts about nonhumanity and my relationship to the community + my personal relationship with it that I cleaned up, my writing style is a bit disjointed, I would like to share more of my writing, if anyone would be interested in seeing that :)

#I have a lot of thoughts about nonhumanity that I don’t know how to share #feel like there is such a communal focus on misinfo and easily digestible “content” #that there’s no space to talk about anything else that no one would care to look. #Not that there is anything wrong with that focus and not to say that I am exempt from participating in it! #I just don’t want that to be what represents me and the only way I engage in this community yk? #I want to spend most of my time talking to people who I have similar experiences to #not explaining things to people that are new to the space or just coming into their identities #which again there’s nothing wrong with that! everybody starts somewhere #(again I’m not an exception lol!) #I also have some misplaced resentment that I need to sort out I think idk it’s hard to sort. #It’s also hard to be okay with caring this much about stuff like this at all #i try not to be embarrassed i am anyway. #It comes with the territory of having mental stuff I guess lol can’t help being a freak! #nonhumanity #therian #canine therian #therianthropy #otherkin #therian art #nonhuman #dog therian #alterhuman #therian community #nonhuman community #coyote therian #kin #coyote kin #canine kin

[nedlittle]

genuinely i think it's important for adults, especially in the plague times, to play pretend in our day-to-day lives. when i rub my back down with tiger balm so i can sleep without pain, i imagine i am a valiant knight tending to an old injury i received from a dragon. when i go to the store to pick up eggs and milk, i am a lone cowboy riding into town on a mission. when i turn my collar up against the wind i am a femme fatale who's killed 4 husbands and is scoping out a 5th. when i stomp around in the snow i am a doomed polar explorer. if being a little bit silly about my walk to the pharmacy helps me remember that life can be full of joy and whimsy, then so be it.

#this is a pointless text post #my most embarrassing version of this is that whenever it was foggy at the lighthouse i imagined i was emily bronte #or that i was taking a walk in the fog with my good friend emily bronte :^) #so much of this is also tied into the fact that my body hurts all the goddamn time #i am trying to make my pain something i can live with #is this gonna be how i learn that normal people don't daydream about being In The Past #anyway do u guys imagine these sort of scenarios too or am i just a freak #greatest (s)hits

[thekittyokat]

you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah

#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again #the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys #saw #well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand #know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows #your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman. #there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn #thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down #something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness #the transformation of a man into a monster #and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption #sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this #do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind. #the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore #it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating #fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn #i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him #until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else #well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God #where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium #anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus #maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man #i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed #if only he hadn't been weaponized first #god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already #but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there #rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts #ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly #cat chat

[skitskatdacat63]

2011 Italian Grand Prix - Vettonso

#SORRY. I AM GOING THROUGH IT. #this is why i had to put vettonso merchant in my bio bcs if i dont post them at least 5x a week ill die #their dynamic in this race is like actually indecipherable to me #cause this is the race where fernando 'allegedly' said fuck you my boy #but their dynamic is so odd???? #like they have that happen in the cooldown room #and then generally ignore each other on the podium #and then we randomly get this cute moment and then they INSTANTLY go back to being awkward #but then in the press con they keep talking about each other and looking at each other???? okay :) #sometimes im just like. yeah no i give up on trying to understand them #not rly noticeable in these buts its so funny how seb pats him to get his attention #and then immediately goes to cheer as if to be like 'huh what i didnt touch uou' #to ref that one post about this race said: he didnt wanna embarrass himself again by getting turned on #stealing this from c cough cough but hes like 'oh no!! if he looks at me im gonna embrass myself on broadcast again!!' #anyways i love this moment and the pics from this are like my fav ever 2010s pics of them so yeah <3 #f1 #formula 1 #sebastian vettel #fernando alonso #vettonso #we do a little bit of f1 #*its so odd i completely remember finishing this and scheduling it last night #*but when i woke up it was only half done??? im still confused #2011 italian gp

[cimicherrychanga]

Complicated Relationship with God (As Seen Through Lyrics in the Character's Playlist)

#my art #wc #weirdos class #seth #hes SO weird abt religion it drives me insaaaane every time i listen to his playlist im like aughhhh #the complicated relationship is basically 'god never answered my prayers im done trying to believe. i shall take his place #and burn this whole place to the ground to create a new world' hes not okay if u were wonderin <3 #anyways. this collage is an epic rama vulnerable moment ( i am very reluctant to share what music i like beyond certain bands) #(its bc i got made fun of so much for my bad taste </3 so now im embarrassed abt every single thing i like) #showing someone music i enjoy is like. such a big thing for me its like. im entrusting u w rama secrets... #and if ur mean or dismissive i WILL be sads forever. that applies here btw <3 #if any1 is mean abt my lyric choices ill. delete my blog and disappear off the internet forever. okay? #HOWEVER on the same vein. ur invited to tell me if u know the songs...and if u know more than 5 of them we shall have a summer wedding

[shower-phantom-ideas]

I want to believe danny finds it more annoying to use children swears.

Vlad uses food

Mr. William Lancer uses book titles

And Danny can say things like “oh golly this is on heck of a situation”

At first it started as it starts with any child. Wanting to test the limits of the rules and then he noticed it annoyed some adults. They can’t tell him to just swear :3. So he kept it. As he gets older he does curse like normal but not very often. Like it’s rare. Imagine his coworkers the first time he drops the “f-bomb”

Do you think they are shellshocked (thats a good handsoap) or do you think they scold him.

#danny phantom #imagine this if you will in a batman universe #bruce is having war flash backs to I think it was jason as robin #and danny is just annoying all his new siblings except for oh fuck I can’t remember who nightwing is #oh hell I have been gone that long? that I can’t remember nightwings name #anyway hes giving jason secondhand embarrassment and duke is helping him get sillier swears #steph thought it was funny to watch bruce and the others squirm but after a while it’s grating on her nerves #WHO THE FUCK IS NIGHTWING #SHIT #funny I mentioned shit cause I am making this post only cause im in the bathroom and out of tp and im stalling #my brain keeps trying to tell me nightwin is tim??!? who I know is redhood #HOLY FUCK HIS NAME WAS DICK

[zebratimw]

Spirit animal SQH

#svsss #shang qinghua #but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but #but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee #also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but #I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg #oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left #I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something #or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird #LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm #I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either #I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself #eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it... #I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up #I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa #man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong #cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk #its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment #with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig #and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down #but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀 #irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living... #just the ol regulars yknow? #and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want? #I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what? #whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate? #so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it? #that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications #and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly #man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

*actively melting* so uh anyway here’s more of that one wip I shared the other day

#ppov u. ur ace and ur. ur ace bc ur trying to draw a keess from one of ur blorbos #hhhhhhhhHHHFHHHBFBB #combusts #bones of a rabbit art #fnaf x y/n #fnaf eclipse x y/n #fnaf eclipse #eclipse x y/n #eclipse x reader #sketch #wip #kisses n smooches #big smooch #rolls around on the floor #screams into a pillow #WHY does this make me feel so SILLY and DUMB #also like I have to make sure no one sees it bc I’ve done an embarrassing sinful thing #is that the ace in me or the weird religious atmosphere I grew up around making itself known #who knows! not me! #anyway farewell. I am leaving this mortal plain

[surreal-duck]

You should draw even more midoyuzu actually trust me i'm a doctor

more midoyuzu but you didnt say what kind. transgender lesbian beams your idols

#THIS IS A REALLY OLD ASK FROM LIKE MAY IM SO SORRY DJGSKJDKJGDS #duck scribbles #doodles #anyways theyre both trans girls here because i said so #been trying to do femstars week doodles for myself since sunday i am not posting the rest tho o7 #enstars #midoyuzu #yuzumido #asks #rqs #anonymous #to very few reqs left in my inbox i am very sorry for the wait but i DO see you im just trying to rack my brain for a specific idea #that or not in the right mind to draw it just yet my bad o1 #and to that one anon from a bit more recently ill maybe repost the doodle once i have a few others to lump it in w in a doodle dump 👍 #hope thats alright w you! #i wrote a very short fic based off of this doodle too actually but that is also staying in my notes app its. embarrassing #yuzuru fushimi #midori takamine

[zabiume]

What do you think about the concept of time travel ? Are there any ideas you’ve always wanted to explore in any of your fics ?

time travel is intriguing, because you can do a lot of interesting things with it, but i am personally not smart enough to handle a concept like that with the complexity it deserves. i feel like the best kinds are the ones that actually engage with the narrative's chronology of events and do something interesting with it, but idk what that would look like! i don't read them! i did once write a snippet for someone who requested for a time-travel fanfic based on a fan art from twitter that i can't find anymore. it's not smart or complex or anything, it's still a WIP, and it's mainly just comedic/crack, but here it is:

The Hollow is ugly, is the thing. It takes all but a minute for Chad to finish it off with a clean swipe of his arm, but the mess it leaves behind is nasty, a sludge of ominous green goop. It stings, with little wisps of smoke curling into the air like snakes. 

Uryuu tuts and slings his bag to his other hand so he can offer Chad a napkin.  “Kurumadani is being rather neglectful again.” 

Chad hums, wiping off the sludge and extending his arm so Uryuu can get the parts on his back he missed. They’ll be late for school at this rate, but Chad would rather not show up smelling like a medium-rare Hollow when he already gets weird enough looks on a normal day. He flexes his arm. “Do you think it’s poisoned?” 

Uryuu cuts off whatever response he was about to make in favor of squinting into the sun, hand already shifting to his belt to retrieve a weapon. For just the tiniest flash of a second, there’s a pitch-black hole in the sky, and before they know it, a small, human-shaped shadow rockets down at an alarming speed, a familiar fireball of orange contrasted with jet-black hues. It’s a kid, Chad realizes as he gets closer, lunging forward with both arms to grab him. 

The boy lands with an ‘oof!’ 

“Oh. Hi, Uncle Chad!” he greets, unfazed by the fact that he’d fallen out of the sky. 

Chad and Uryuu exchange a troubled glance. 

“Say, Sado-kun,” Uryu mutters under his breath. 

“Hmm.” 

“Doesn’t this child look a lot like Kurosaki and Inoue-san?” 

“Hmm.” 

“You don’t think…?” 

“Probably.”

________

The boy can’t look more like Ichigo and Orihime if he tries. Kazui, that is. He has an endearing mop of orange hair that falls into his eyes—eyes that are distinctively Orihime’s, bright, curious and full of awe. He had—or so Uryuu and Chad had gleaned from a meandering conversation with him—been trying some new tricks with his flash-step and accidentally created a tear in the space-time continuum that sent him to the past. 

As one does. 

“So you’re from the future,” Chad concludes, glancing up at the little boy that is currently riding his shoulders happily. 

“Yep!” He cranes his head around left and right. “Where are Mom and Dad?” 

Uryu smirks. It’s of no surprise to him that Kurosaki and Inoue are married in the distant future. They’re obvious, even when they aren’t trying to be. Uryuu’s spent enough evenings with his friends to read an entire undercurrent of language in their behavior—the way they dance around their feelings like everyone else around them are idiots. 

Or at least, that’s what Uryuu comprehends. What he sees is usually a tender glance, a fleeting touch, pointed moments where they withdraw after having revealed too much of themselves to each other. When he looks at Chad, his friend is smiling wistfully. Uryuu shares the sentiment; he just wishes he could be a fly on the wall when present-Kurosaki finds out about his son though. 

“...I suppose we should take you to see them,” Uryuu says eventually. They’re standing in front of Karakura High’s gated entrance, though neither Uryuu nor Chad have any idea how to explain the kid. While his shinigami form should keep him hidden from most students, even their least spiritually sensitive friends like Tatsuki, Keigo or Mizuiro would be able to see him. And ask questions. And while Uryuu would love to watch Ichigo and Orihime squirm under their friends’ scrutiny, it would be too much chaos for them to handle. 

Plus, there’s the added question of how they’re going to send Kazui back to the future. 

“I’ll bring them here,” Chad says, setting Kazui down on the sill. “You wait with him.” 

“Wait, Sado-kun—” Uryu begins, but Chad has already joined the throng of students heading inside. He wants to curse. He isn’t the best around children. 

Kazui, however, looks rather relaxed, his legs kicking up and down from where he’s sitting on the gate’s surface. It seems, from his demeanor, that accidentally traveling to the future is no big deal for him, which, in a weird, roundabout way, makes sense. Uryu knows his parents, after all. 

“Are you okay, Uncle Uryu?” Kazui asks, fixing his big eyes on Uryu. 

Uryu struggles not to squirm. “I-I’m fine.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes.” 

They stare at each other. Uryu looks away but keeps a part of his gaze stuck on Kazui out of the corner of his eye, studying him. The boy is in typical shinigami garb, and the hilt of his sword is similar to Ichigo’s, but Uryu doubts his skills have advanced beyond the basics. If his reaitsu is anything like his father’s, it’s highly unlikely he’ll be safe here. 

Uryu tuts impatiently, but his irritation ebbs when he realizes that Chad and Ichigo are approaching. Ichigo looks annoyed at having been summoned out of class. 

“...don’t understand why you won’t tell me what’s going on,” Uryu hears him say as they near. Ichigo takes one glance at Kazui. “Who’s this?” 

Uryu and Chad sigh. 

“Hi Dad!” Kazui beams. 

Ichigo frowns. “What’s this?” he asks Uryu, which instantly pisses Uryu off. 

“Why are you looking at me as if I have something to do with this?” Uryu demands. “Acknowledge your child!” 

“Uryu…” Chad tries to butt in. 

“What do you mean ‘acknowledge your child?” Ichigo imitates Uryu, accentuating his words with exaggerated bunny-quotes. “What does that even mean?”

“Ichigo…” Chad tries again.

Ichigo looks at him. “What?!” 

Uryu ignores Ichigo’s outburst and asks Chad, “Where is Inoue-san?” 

“Couldn’t find her. Probably with the Health Club,” Chad says, a little regretful, though it’s uncertain how much better she would have handled this.

“Hey! Can you guys stop ignoring me already?” Ichigo asks pointedly. 

Neither Chad nor Uryuu come up with a response in time, so Ichigo narrows his brows at Kazui, who taps his chin and says, “Maybe I should introduce myself! My name is Kurosaki Kazui, I go to Mashiba Elementary School, my favorite hobbies are ping-pong and karaoke, and my parents are Ichigo and Orihime Kurosaki!” He beats one fist against his chest. “I’m from the future; nice to meet you!” 

Ichigo stares. His eyebrow twitches. Uryuu isn’t sure what exactly must be going through his head right now, but he looks at Kazui like he’s a two-headed creature, and as someone who has plenty of…daddy issues himself, Uryu really wishes Ichigo would just get it together. Childhood trauma is not easy to heal.

“Are they really going to just keep staring at each other?” Uryu mutters under his breath to Chad, who is scratching his own head in secondhand embarrassment. 

“It’s…probably going to take some time for Ichigo to process a bomb like that,” Chad admits. 

They turn their gaze back to the scene. Kazui is still blinking eagerly and hopefully. Ichigo still looks like he accidentally swallowed something he shouldn’t have and is having a hard time bringing it back up. He turns concerning shades of red as he begins to process some things. Then he turns into concerning shades of purple. 

Then he says, very coherently, “WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” 

_______

#this is not proofread and i think it was going to proceed w the 3 boys (4 boys?) trying to hide kazui's true identity from orihime #because ichigo is too flustered to want to bring this up with her (she figures out anyway) #btw this is a WIP from *2021* which just made me EMBARRASSED about my backlog of fics/requests🤡 if you've ever requested something from me #i am soooo sorry. i am so slow #myfic #kazui kurosaki #ichihime

[recurring-polynya]

I am never not thinking about Renji giving people rides on Hihiou Zabimaru, but somehow I forgot about the time Rukia used a Hakuren to launch Kon into the air during the kemari episode.

Reader, she was not sorry.

Unfortunately he started to go out of bounds, so Tessai felt it necessary to shoot him down with a Bakudou #99, p2.

I cannot emphasize enough that this was for a game of kemari to resolve some vague beef Rurichiyo and Kenryuu were having, there were literally no stakes whatsoever to everyone else, who just showed up and chose violence.

#rukia kuchiki #kon #bleach filler #all of the best bleach filler episodes are just ichigo trying to have a normal one while his friends have no chill whatsoever #kon only wanted to be on kenryuu's team so he could play with rukia this is so sad alexa play despacito #i almost posted this as a video #because they are playing 'senna' during this entire bit which is one of the best and most intense pieces of bleach fight ost #also there's a bit where orihime shields ichigo and he yells “THANK YOU INOUE” in exactly the way he yelled “THANK YOU CHAD” that time #but that was getting out of the scope of this post #it was so cute tho #renji and/or hitsugaya should have been in this episode i will never shut up about it #IKKAKU showed up a some point there is no reason we couldn't have had one if not both of our best soccer bros #i tell you rukia is constantly trying to steal renji's moves this is just like the time she blew herself up in the zan rebellion arc #i am sure he approves and supports her in this #it looks cooler when she does them anyway #maybe renji's entire bit is just test-ballooning Stunts for rukia so she doesn't have to embarrass herself on the ones that turn out lame #get you a man etc etc

[moregraceful]

It took HR three hours to acknowledge my resignation 😌 but it is done.

I am not doing anything for the rest of the day and I'm about to reblog a prompt meme for kissing in five seconds (so I stop clawing my eyes out in Canva and do something less crazymaking - to be clear I was not doing anything prior to confirmation that my resignation was received either) and later I am seeing a friend for dinner whom I ghosted for two months because I was so miserable. She's excited to hear how I found a nonprofit that is a bigger shitshow than a public library. I will ask her for a work (or??? grad school?????) reference.

Last night at dinner, while I was doing a dramatic and humorous verbal reenactment of something deeply stupid, my mom said, "I haven't seen you smile in months." Guy who weaves joy into the fiber of his being not smiling for months around family he lives with? Lmao.

#i have a PEN and my NOTEBOOKS i'm ready to THINK ABOUT MY FUTURE. after i chill out with some people kissing #i may not write all of the prompts (as usual lol) but i will try!! #also i'm so sorry to everyone who sent in something when i was doing the end of year spotify meme #i got so embarrassed because you all managed to randomly hit every single cringe megachurch praise band on my wrapped 😭 #also every time you guys send something for another prompt meme but mars in gatorade and i don't do it. i am also sorry for that too #anyway. are things scary yes. are things looking up also yes. did ko give me recommendations for tailgating table and chairs YES #one last blowout purchase before unemployement!! #fresno oilers.txt

[northern-passage]

i wrote a 500 word dynamic poem for neo-twiny jam :-)

i rewrote this in a few different ways with a handful of different drafts before settling on just doing a poem; this originally came from a full branching narrative i've had stewing for a while, and i might come back to it one day. but for now i enjoyed channeling that into this poem, which has also been very influenced by the fact that i've been writing hungry vampires for almost 2 months now.... it was also my first time messing with audio in twine, which ended up being way easier than i expected (i'm sure it helped that i only used one audio sample tho)

faith does contain sexual content, and while not super explicit, it is the main theme of the poem.

anyways hope you enjoy and check out the other entries here!

#if u read one day hike it's in the similar vein i guess. sad lesbians...lol #this is VERY embarrassing for me i do not write or share poetry very often so. HRNG #i tried to do more of a narrative style first with choices & an abrupt short voice #but i really didnt like it. felt even more embarrassing than this... #i dont think the way i write lends itself to that style & it felt very amateurish/childish #so i set it aside for a while and kept working on my other project in the meantime #so i think when i came back to it i was feeling partially inspired by what i had written for that which made me rewrite it again #sex and food and desire and hunger... you know how it is #not 100% about it all together but i like it more than the first 4 versions lmfao #i did try to do timed lines as well and it just.. didnt hit for me. i love/hate timed lines you have to really get them just right #or else they're just annoying iykwim #also i was surprised i actually hit 500 words i didnt think i was going to #also also this is a poem in that. i wrote it and am calling it a poem...mnfkjdg #anyways. ough #faith #other writing

[goldkirk]

My five happy things for the day

• paper that has a good feeling texture

• things not feeling like an emergency EVERY second of the day, only part of the time

• the fact that these cheapo stamp ink pads from Walmart a few years ago somehow still have a bit of functioning ink not dried out?

• I’m able to track and retain conversations for longer periods of time again, I’m finally finally finally feeling some progress

• putting on a warm hoodie or coat when feeling chilled

#fivethingsaday #I still can’t believe people LIKE me!! ?! ?! ?! ?! #I’ve accidentally wound up dumbfounded with a delightful number of friends #like. wait. I thought you guys were playing a very long trap or were only liking me because of obligation or worth vs hassle ratio. #I thought I was just enjoying it before it vanished! but yowza!!! #apparently I DID get the chance for it to be real #and I am in the middle of living an adult life I didn’t think I’d see!!! #so anyway holy shit I apparently am not secretly a poison to people #these cool people I’ve been so admiring of and wished I could really have a life with someone like them as a friend #BITCH I DO IT IS ME #what the FUCK. #anyway I’ve got to go keep trying to wrangle my very uncooperative knee #and marvel at the slowly-dawning reality of being liked actually not just kept around #god grade school age social hierarchy lessons sure get roots down in deep #I’m so pleased as punch and totally in skeptical disbelief. I’m also delighted and horrifically embarrassed and feeling stupid and feeling #unbearably grateful and feeling quite particularly like I’m in the Truman show and also won the lottery #I’m going to do a lot of STICKING WITH IMPORTANT ROUTINES FOR MY WELL-BEING about it #add to journal

[backwards-blackbird]

I am now 32. @fairvalesmostwanted got me a much better art program for my birthday and guys, what in the world was I doing using fucking Corel Paint Shop Pro for the past 20 years?? Old habits die hard. I knew the program like the back of my hand and stuck with it solely because of familiarity.

But now I have Clip Studio Paint and I'm like... Oh. This is how people do digital lineart and make it actually look good. 🙃

#Please ignore me I am an embarrassment to modern online artists 😂 #I'm old and I'm catching up y'all #But for real I'm SO EXCITED to keep using this program #After this current project we'll be trying out some digital lineart #Now that I know it won't look like ass #Ahhh #Anyway #Happy birthday to me - praise be to @fairvalesmostwanted 🤘 #Megan sketches things

[cerealmonster15]

throwing all my sappy doodles onto the internet and running AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#twisted wonderland #jamiazu #azurido #azul ashengrotto #jamil viper #riddle rosehearts #twst #Cereal tries to draw #UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM #i have many things in my brain i need to get them OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #and the only way to do that is with my PENS!!!!!!! and sometimes keyboard #anyway this is embarrassing LOL but im doing it anyway #literally i drew the riddle stuff yesterday and had no intention of posting them but #but. but. but. uhhfhhghrhhbrhbhh as i was drawing the jamiazus. it wanted to come too #anyway i am trying to figure things out and im not sure what those things are that im trying to figure out #whatever i just think it's funny that azul is Obsessed With Them #and i am by extension obsessed w/his obsessions #ive been playing thru book 6 on my phone so i get to relive all the funny riddle/azul moments lol #like i remember a lot of it. but i also Forgot a lot of it so im just getting smacked in the face constantly #but in like a fun way. theyre blasting me with sillies #anyway this is like the millionth time ive drawn jamil and azul SNOOZING TOGETHER and i still. dont like it LOL but #one day ill figure it out. i just wanna draw characters being CLOSE and SWEET and it's SO HARD #ok whatever sitting at my laptop this long was probs bad for my back injury OOPSIE BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!