#i want it to stay toxic. a touch horrifying.

[nancywheeeler]

i really do feel i missed my calling as a gothic heroine

#i'd willfully ignore every red flag just to wander around a big old estate in the middle of nowhere barefoot in my crimson velvet robe #like yes my darling your mysteriously-vanished first wife does sound like a nightmare #i bet she did goad you into killing her #this is (mostly) a joke but also the bad feminist in me does jump out whenever i'm consuming anything gothic #i think that's why a lot of the more recent gothic novels just do not do it for me #i don't want the genre 'reclaimed' i don't want the heroine to girlboss her way out i don't want the ghosts put to rest #i want it to stay toxic. a touch horrifying. #if people are saying 'uhmm actually you shouldn't be calling this romantic' that's how you know it's gonna be good #a shout into the void

[onlyswan]

summary: in which jungkook misses you before he even leaves.

idol!jungkook x reader / angst, fluff / word count: 3.7k

content/warnings: they both cry, they’re so in love and anxious of being apart 🥲 pls somebody give my babies a box of tissue damn it!!! / making out :") might be one of my favs i’ve written heh cherry koo ily

> in which masterlist!

note: hi hiii this serves as a prologue kinda to the giving up drabbles <3 and as to not confuse the timeline, this one takes place in sept 2018 and the first giving up drabble june 2019 ^^ hehe reblogs/feedback are appreciated + as always i’d love to chat abt ur thoughts 🥺

—

“i’ll call you when i arrive at the dorm, baby. let’s pack the rest of my things together, hmm?”

you hum softly in agreement, hiding your face on jungkook’s chest so he won’t see you yawn.

you’re so adorable, he thinks to himself with a grin.

matching his outfits with you in preparation for his travels has always been one of the little ways you spend quality time together. yes, you will be physically apart for most of this year and the next… but if he just pushes that fact in the back of his mind for an hour or two so he can make you laugh with his purposely horrendous choices, he thinks he may be able to leave with a lighter heart.

one last kiss is granted to your forehead, and you nuzzle your cheeks against his warm hands to cherish every ounce of his touch you can manage to steal.

you peek from the small space of the door to smile at your lover, which he then returns rife with fondness. you wave and bid your silly bye bye’s to each other, and it’s you who ultimately closes the door despite the voice in your head bewailing its protests.

it creates a clicking sound as you push it all the way, and after that, the defeaning silence fills your apartment like a toxic gas that makes it impossible to breathe. with no other soul left to witness it, your walls involuntarily come crumbling down. your eyes become blurry with unshed tears, and they fall one by one, some getting caught by your eyelashes. they hang heavy until they inevitably roll down your cheeks, as if they’re desperate not to crash and break, as if they’re horrified of their fate towards doom… much like you are.

recognizing the sensation of your weak knees threatening to give way, you lean your forehead on the hardwood to relieve some of the weight burdening your shoulders.

your chores have piled up while you were recklessly spending every second you had left with your boyfriend. you have better things to do than to cry. however, you can’t control your face that contorts to express the pain of having your heart mercilessly squeezed in your chest, tighter and tighter as the distance between you and jungkook grows, and it will only continue to do so.

you wind up as a heap on the floor, an intricate collection of love yet to be given and shards of memories calamitous and beautiful, knees hugged to your chest as you weep.

you swore you wouldn’t do this. you fucking swore you wouldn’t do this to yourself.

since losing your family, you’ve been alone, trying to survive in this world like a leaf in the eye of a storm, carried by a raging river that travels to an unknown sea. you then promised that no matter how much you affection you’ve grown to have for someone, if there comes a time that they make you feel lonely (skin-on-skin or heart-to-heart), you will be the one to walk away first. even if it hurts, even if it leaves you empty inside. for one, you’ve never liked wasting your time. you know what you want and what you need— someone who will stay within reach. your day-to-day life is far too draining for you to find the energy to beg for love and attention… and for the love of god, there’s already too many people you wish were still by your side.

your friends have witnessed you annihilate hearts and egos, leaving behind a string of jaded lovers.

but jungkook, with his bunny-like smile and endless gestures of kindness… has somehow slithered his way into a space in your heart where no one has ever been.

the apartment feels too empty with him not around. he’s not knocking rhythmically at your door from the inside to announce his arrival. he’s not in the kitchen humming songs while chopping vegetables. he’s not in the shower yelling at you because you forgot that turning on the sink makes his water cold. he’s not in the living room watching a movie on your laptop. he’s not snuggled closely with you and snoring execessively by your ear.

it’s going to be like this for a while. it’s always going to be like this, you realize.

you’re so fucking lonely.

you’ve only gotten used to him being here, and now you need to re-learn what it’s like to be without him.

you’re forced to gasp for air as you sob uncontrollably, interrupted by occasional hiccups that make your body jolt. you taste the salt in your tears as they seep into the crevice between your lips, can feel them beginning to poison your skin.

you let jungkook come too close. he slept on your bed and he learned that you’re always cold. he enveloped you in the safety of his warm embrace and you couldn’t will yourself to leave after the first time. you’ve surrendered to him the control over your body, and also your heart, which you may be breaking alongside your rule but… walking away would mean forsaking yourself.

for the first time, you are crying not because of the absence of love, but the abundance of it. humans are essentially a collection of dead stars that are brought back to life when they are consumed by the electric ache of love and yearning. you are addicted to the antidote that is the touch of another body that burns the same.

you’re free falling.

if you were to choose the cause of your madness, you would choose this.

because for the first time, you are not cursing a name, but the universe and its twisted ways. in your one-bedroom apartment, you don’t feel small; your arrogance is as big as the sun that threatens to swallow the earth whole. the empty space on your bed is now in the shape of the man who loves you.

the back of your head hits the door, and you sigh at the new predicament that presents itself to you: the fluorescent lightbulb at your doorway is flickering as if to signal its impending death.

your bad vision begs you to look away.

it’s too high. it’s too high for you to reach. jungkook isn’t here anymore.

you bury your face in your hands, another wave of tears spilling over before you could get a hold of yourself. your cries are unapologetic; you sound like a little child who got their hair pulled at the playground.

you would much rather wait for him than find a solution. you want to bear the weight of him in every possible way there is. you want to have him in mind every time you flip the light switch, because you always seem to forget that it’s dying after a long day at school.

but for now, all you can do is sit on the floor and smell his perfume on your clothes as you wait for his call.

—

jungkook is still frozen on the driver’s seat, struck with a suspicion that he left something behind in your apartment, but he can’t figure out what else there is besides his heart in the palm of your hands.

he opens up every single compartment of his backpack, but he soon carelessly discards it at the backseat because he has no idea what it is he’s even looking for.

“what is it? what is it? what is it?” he mutters absentmindedly to himself, wide doe eyes still actively darting around the car as he mulls over what could possibly be missing. “am i an idiot? am i just making things up in my head?”

but he is leaving for tour after all, it would be a big headache if he forgets to bring something important.

something important such as…

proceeding with a final inspection, he starts patting around his body, from his chest down to the pockets of his sweatpants.

“ahhh-” he makes a noise of enlightenment when he discovers one of them to be completely empty.

it then becomes vivid in his mind— the memory of him lazily setting down his wallet on your study table before he crawled on your single-sized bed as if it’s his own.

“…shit. i need to go back.”

—

he has a smirk plastered on his face as he jogs his way up to your apartment floor. radiating with pure excitement unbeknownst to himself, he even begins to skip a step with every long stride he makes across the staircase.

thanks to his forgetfulness, he found an excuse to be with you for a few minutes more.

the fourth door straight ahead, he still remembers chanting in his head the first time he visited your building on his own.

he stands before it with the intention to surprise you, but ironically, he is the one who ends up freezing in place. your muffled sobs escape through the narrow cracks of the door, and his hand slowly slips away from the handle until it drops back to his side. his vision becomes unfocused, mind going blank, only registering the shortness of his breath and the powerful punch to his gut.

that sweet, heart-fluttering smile that comforted him must’ve killed you inside.

—

“i won’t forget to call after every show.”

“that does sound nice but…” you scrunch your nose cutely. “i won’t be upset, if that’s what you’re worried about. go straight to sleep when you’re exhausted. i know you won’t have much time to rest.”

“please! you can watch me sleep too.” he pouts. “you know i always make it work. while i eat, while i shower! that won’t change. i need to see you and gain strength… or else i seriously think i won’t survive this one.”

and jungkook hopes that he’s not too much of a burden for loving you.

although, you did tell him once in passing— that anyone can be passionate, but not everyone will bravely go on stage every night to showcase those passions, even if it means testing the very limits of the human body.

“i can’t allow that to happen, can i?” you click your tongue, copying the angry frown of your boyfriend, who you find so, so, so cool.

his features soften after you pinch his soft cheek.

“your hyungs might kill me if i make their little one mope around missing me too much.”

“w-what do you mean?” he becomes flushed with embarrassment. “what kind of things do they tell you?!”

“nothing much.” your eyes shine with a glint of faux innocence. “when we were trainees, jungkook did this… since meeting you, he’s gotten more stubborn… can you tell him to wake up earlier if he plans on showering for an hour? you know, just things like that.”

“aish! jimin-hyung!” he releases a deep sigh to express his exasperation, knitted forehead not doing much to diminish the roundness of his eyes. “i bet one of them is jimin-hyung! i’m right, aren’t i? you- you’re getting too close with him! i can’t allow this- really, i- ah! no! no!”

the burst of laughter that fills the room only confirms his suspicion. you roll over on the bed to cover your face, half of your body collapsing on top of his, and you clutch your aching belly when he begins to aggressively shake you in a joking manner.

“listen, you can’t become best friends! you hear me? don’t! my secrets… what’s going to happen to them? who else can i tell them to?!”

immediately recognizing his poor choice of words once they have left his mouth, jungkook purses his lips in regret, and it’s his turn to feel his lungs burn from the lack of oxygen.

“oh, really?” you slowly sit up as you stare at him with raised eyebrows. “and what kind of secrets do you need to keep from me? huh?”

he doesn’t waste a second to reply, scrambling as to not leave any space for you to formulate more doubts in your head.

“nothing! nothing, baby!” he flashes a dreamy smile in return to your sharp glare. he gently cups the back of your head to pull you back closer, puckering his lips as he tries to meet you halfway. “come here- give me a kiss.”

you ignore his advances, moving away from him with a scoff you don’t even bother to hide. the annoyance bubbling up inside of you feels irrational, and yet you can’t stop it from controlling your body language.

his jaw slacks in disappointment. he despises being denied affection, more importantly, a kiss meant to be shared with you.

“are you mad?”

you turn your back against him, scooting closer to the edge of the bed, but jungkook doesn’t waste time in chasing after you.

“baby!” he whines, seizing your arm and tightly embracing you from the side before you can escape. “i was just joking- i promise- i swear. you’re even the first person i share my secrets with nowadays!”

you sigh in defeat, eyes fluttering shut as you allow him to caress your face and pepper your cheek with loving kisses. loud, and slightly wet, which you used to not be fond of when it came to the lovers you had before, but as for jungkook and his dewy lips, you weirdly don’t seem to mind.

“please don’t be mad.” he coos lightheartedly before ducking his head to press his lips against yours. “i don’t want us to fight before i go.”

“i’m not mad.” your reply is quiet, and it drips with hesitance. “i just don’t want to think about you having secrets while you’re away.”

you turn to communicate directly with his eyes. if you feel sick to your stomach imagining him as a person you’d never have the grace to forgive, you don’t show it.

“you understand where i’m coming from, right?”

he meekly nods.

this is another reason why he is eager to spend all his free time with you, albeit through a screen smaller than the palm of his hand, and perhaps buy you trinkets from every city that welcomes him because everything reminds him of you. he wants to give you the reassurance that he doesn’t have any plans on doing something that may hurt you. this will be excruciating, he knows, but it is also a chance to prove himself as a boyfriend worthy of your tears and sacrifices. this can’t end before it begins. he doesn’t think he’d be able to bear that. he just celebrated his first birthday with you. it hasn’t been long since you uttered the three words he’s been anxiously waiting to hear.

“i love you. please give me your trust for now… i won’t waste it. you’ll see, at the end of this, we’ll be stronger. i promise i won’t forget my responsibilities as your partner even if we’re physically apart.”

he tenderly strokes your hair, eyes filled with galaxies memorizing every inch of your face. he’s scared, too. he’s scared that he’s overestimating himself. too ambitious, too greedy for wanting both the world and the most beautiful person he has ever seen in it to love him. he’s scared of getting too exhausted. he’s scared that you won’t be there anymore when he opens his eyes.

“i will probably mope around, though, missing you too much…” he pauses, then he makes up his mind.

him getting more stubborn since he met you— it might just have some truth to it that he’s too sheepish to say out loud, especially if his members were around to hear it.

“yes, i will seriously be a handful.” he nods to himself. “so i’m already apologizing early.”

“what are those responsibilities exactly?”

“to show you that i love you!” he exclaims in a tone that screams obviously. “to make you happy, to keep you safe… to stay committed to you- yah, you already know these things!”

but still, it’s nice to hear him say it. this bed of roses is a bed of thorns; he has chosen to sleep on it with you.

you giggle heartily at the sight of his face getting flushed. “you’ve been doing a great job then, baby.”

the praise causes his doe eyes to sparkle with glee. “really?”

“really!” his heart skips a beat when you softly cup his face in your hands, wearing that kind smile he can’t help but fall in love with over and over again. “don’t worry, i won’t let you miss me too much. i have my share of the responsibilities too.”

—

he swallows the lump in his throat, shakily sitting on the floor with his back against the door. he doesn’t know how long he stays there. he only knows that it’s near sunrise because the lights across the hallways have gone out one by one.

with an elbow resting on top of his knee, he fiddles with the laces of his shoe with no rhythm or rhyme— silently crying with you, clueless as to what he should do. he didn’t learn about this in school, nor during dance practices. no one teaches you what to do when you hurt a person you love but there’s no fault to fix and apologize for.

every now and then, a tenant passes by, and he is overwhelmed with the urge to scream at them to fuck off and mind their own business.

adding to his frustration is his phone, which has been vibrating with calls and text messages. he only spares them a dismissive glance before clicking the off button. yes, he fucking knows it’s already 5am. yes, he’s still with his baby. however, he is forced to send a reply to his manager when asked if they could finish packing his luggages for him to save time. no. no, no, no.

on the other side of the door, the pitter-patter of mechanical rain tickles your ears. your nimble fingers doesn’t cease on tapping on the keyboard even as your eyes stray to the contact name above the conversation, just to make sure that it’s your boyfriend you’re texting.

to: my jungkook

babyyy the sun is about to rise

so i’m not sleepy anymore :(

you're not home yet?

wait. if you're still driving just reply later

be a good driver before a good bf for now ☺️

ohoh i don’t mind if you don't have time to call anymore. just text me rq before you take off pleaseee so i know you're safe and sound

and after the flight ofc!! 😭

i love you! ❤️

seconds later, a pounding at the door makes your body jolt in shock. you carelessly rush to stand up, the safety measure of looking through the peephole not even crossing your mind before you swing it open.

jungkook stuns you with his presence, chest heaving with every breath as he studies you in a fog of haze. your messy hair perfectly frames your pretty face. your parted lips are raw from the crime of your sharp teeth forcibly putting an end to your crying. your eyes are still damp with tears, and they shine every time the warm light hanging above your head flickers.

if you could only read his mind, you won’t have to worry about him wanting anybody else.

once again, he finds himself helplessly infatuated. why do you have to look utterly bewitching even when you cry? fuck, and your texts… how did he get so lucky? you fuel something carnal inside of him that he has difficulty putting into words.

and so, he allows his actions to speak for himself.

“jungk-” his name is interrupted with a high-pitched whimper caught in your throat. your trembling hands desperately grasp the sides of his hoodie as you stumble backwards, struggling to recriprocate the unrestrained fervour of his kisses.

he’s out of control. he has never kissed you like this before. you don’t know if he doesn’t feel your weak fists punching his chest or he just doesn’t care. you feel dizzy… dizzy, dizzy, dizzy.

you’re confused why he’s still standing at your doorway. you’re terrified of losing your balance. you’re crushing a pair of sneakers underneath the soles of your feet and it hurts. but his fingers are tightly tangled with your hair, the others playing a saccharine hymn along the keys of your spine, and for the pleasure he gives, you can endure to live with the pain.

the familiar taste of mint on his tongue is far too addictive for you not to indulge. you can’t stop craving for more of it, more of him, and you let your lungs burn.

but soon it mixes with the salt in his tears as his emotions crash on the shore like a tsunami. the seal of your lips is broken by a quiet sob, and in shame, he ends the kiss to bury his face in the crook of your neck.

“____, what do i do? i don’t want to leave.”

your heart shatters into pieces as he sniffles, voice cracking as he musters up the courage to confess to you in between.

“jungkook…”

the words of sincerity feel heavy on his tongue. he’s never been good at this; always relied on his ability to feel. in spite of that, he wants to bare all of himself to you, and he prays that you believe him when he says- “i can’t imagine my life without you anymore.”

“so don’t. you don’t have to think about things like that.” you sigh as you wrap your arms around his shoulders, subtly swaying your bodies to soothe him. “come on, love. why are you crying…? you know where to find me, don’t you?”

you feel him nod before he mumbles pensively. “here… or school, or the restobar.”

“that’s right.” you chuckle. “just don’t lose your key. i’m not going anywhere.”

but he fears it’s his goddamn mind he might just lose. he squeezes his eyes shut, embracing you tighter as he counts the seconds in his head. he will let go after thirty, then perhaps he will stay for another ten.

in another lifetime, jungkook wishes that he could tell you the same.

—

taglist in the reblogs! send an ask/dm if you want to be added (or removed) :D

—

#jungkook #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook drabble #jungkook scenario #jungkook imagine #jungkook fic #jungkook fanfic #jungkook one shot #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #bts fluff #bts reaction #jungkook smut

[bonesandpoemsandflowers]

my bohemian ass woke up at noon on a friday so I'm not firing on all cylinders yet, but there is this important distinction in the novel, The Phantom of the Opera, and the musical The Phantom of the Opera. I understand why a novel length distinction is cut for time and narrative tidiness for a medium that happens on stage, but I think people draw some very unfair, unflattering and incorrect conclusions from the stage that they port into their reading of the novel.

that is: Erik, the phantom of the opera, knows about Christine and Raoul's engagement and he's actually totally cool with Christine's plan. This is not incel behavior. This is not ~toxic masculinity~ or whatever contemporary bullshit you want to spew on the intentionally sympathetic monster in gothic literature. Raoul is supposed to leave on a naval expedition to the north pole. Christine's plan is to be engaged with him until he leaves. "This is a happiness that will hurt no one," she says. I don't have the exact quote for it but later on she relates how Erik knows and approves, at least of this intended to be limited engagement engagement. Why? Because he's the happiest of men with Christine, and he wants Raoul to experience that happiness. He does also expect Raoul to, you know, fucking leave when he's supposed to, but still. Christine and Raoul are romping around the Opera, kissing and crying together, and our ghost dude here is just like: good for them.

What sets him off is not the idea of a romantic rival. He does not, imo, feel "entitled" to Christine's love or whatever batshit nonsense the Erik-as-incel narrative huffs like paint fumes. What sets Erik off is how Christine has lied to him: not about the engagement, but about the degree of visceral disgust she feels for Erik specifically as a result of his deformity. She details, in graphic detail, how she closes her eyes instead of looking upon him, how she tells him that she only averts her eyes because she is in awe of his genius. She tells Raoul how horrible even physical proximity to Erik is, how grotesque his face is, how the horror of an animated corpse proclaiming his love to her is--well, horrible, and horrifying. Erik is on the floor, on his knees, kissing the hem of her dress, and Christine has her eyes closed the whole time.

I also think contemporary audiences can't handle that. They need Christine to be a pure and wholesome Good Girl (regressive bullshit), who is the victim of an evil evil man, and only the victim (also regressive bullshit). But also because she is a female character in the contemporary mind, she is allowed no flaws. She must reject Erik because he is a bad man. It would be ableist otherwise, yes? And the contemporary audience cannot handle lack of physical beauty being the reason. There can be no nuance to Christine's reactions. She is Good. Erik is Bad. That's all there is to it. The audience member is so sure that they themselves are above moral reproach, too. That's what is at stake here, also.

Never mind that Christine herself, repeatedly, notes that Erik is right when he says that if she thought he was handsome, she would stay. Never mind that when Raoul asks her if she would still love him if Erik were handsome, Christine declines to reply.

To be clear: this is not a Christine bashing post. I think her complexity here is fascinating. I hate a flat one note ingénue and that's not what she IS, and it pains me that fic authors write her that way, as if it's superior. No! Here she's human and she's magnificent! She's conflicted! Erik is alluring but also in ways that are no fault of his own, terrifying.

We gloss over the intended body horror of the novel. I know I do. I forget that he smells like rot and death, that he's cold and clammy to the touch, that he moans like a ghoul, that is supposed to have a gaping nose hole and eyes you can only see in the dark.

I don't think Christine is wrong to lie. But it's easy to understand, if you let yourself, how betrayed the monster might feel when he finds out about all this concealed disgust.

So, two points here

The rage upon being unmasked isn't just because he's unmasked and she broke a rule or whatever. It's the death of his whole gambit and his last hope, and Erik is, canonically, very smart. He knows this. He knows his face IS the issue. He knows it is THE issue. He reads Christine correctly in that the Angel of Music bit is ultimately forgivable in her eyes, and she likes that he brought down her favorite horse, she absolutely is there for their shared spiritual musical raptures. I want people to understand this: ERIK IS RIGHT about his own situation, a LOT of the time. He comes to some bad conclusions after, but in terms of understanding what's happening around him, he's accurate.

And so the rage and despair post Apollo's Lyre isn't "oh no, she loves Raoul," or even "how dare she, that SLUT," as some people make it out to be. It's the realization that he's been a monster to her this whole time. All this time he thought that she saw him as a man, and she has not. All the presumably good memories he has of her and her two weeks she lived with him are now revealed as lies. She's been enduring this whole time, not acclimating. She feels horror. She feels, again, disgust. She's shuddered at the touch of his hand in hers and put on a brave face and he's believed her up until this point, and he's having his physical inadequacies and his uncharacteristic naiveté described in excruciating detail to his romantic rival. He probably feels real fuckin stupid, on top of all else. He's been duped. He also feels disgusting and unlovable, because Christine has just repeatedly described him as disgusting and unlovable.

It is, of course, wildly incorrect to then decide to blow up an opera house about it.

But it's not entitled incel behavior and that's such a boring and contemporary narrative to shove a beautiful example of gothic literature into. Intellectually lazy and artistically myopic. I think most of us, if we're honest with ourselves, can think of a time we thought somebody liked us--maybe romantically or sexually but also maybe not, maybe just as a friend, as a bestie--and we turned out to be very wrong, because the person was just being polite or avoiding awkwardness or whatever. That is: they lied, in a very understandable and justifiable and socially expected way. And how did that feel, dear reader? Not great, right?

The point of the phantom of the opera is that it's a bunch of normal human experiences turned up to the max, dialed into a sublime hum that goes so hard it turns inhuman and terrible. It's that what makes a monster, what makes a man line, which is only interesting to walk if it's identifiably very human in parts. So Erik isn't just romantically rejected: he is rejected in just about EVERY way possible, besides his divinity of music. And this is supposed to the story of his entire life, over and over again, just most vividly and poignantly illustrated by his failure with Christine, when he most desperately wants to be just like everybody else.

And I think it's a shame to lose that very basic narrative and thematic point, but also a shame to lose the nuance of: Erik wants to share his happiness with Raoul. He loves Christine so, so much that he seems to find Raoul's lovesick desire very relatable. Of course, who wouldn't allow his fellow man a glimpse of heaven? And I just chose my words carefully there, if not the rest of the post. In his approval of Christine and Raoul's playful engagement, Erik is briefly engaging on a man-to-man level. He feels human about it. And when he feels human and accepted as human, instead of a walking horror show, he's immediately kind of gracious.

It's when he finds out that he's been a monster and not a man this whole time, in the eyes of his beloved and his rival, that he seems to go: I'll show you what a monster is.

#long post #poto #poto meta #gaston leroux #no proofreading we die like men #my personal belief is that you are absolutely allowed to tell a bunch of socially comfortable lies to get the hell out of dodge #when I'm like “so Christine lied” my intended undercurrent is AND GOOD FOR HER. GOOD JOB. #but also #my personal belief is also that he (erik) (the phantom) (whatever) is still very fuckable despite literally everything #text

[ikissjae]

PAIRING … jung jaehyun x female!reader

THEMES … angst, smut, and ig some fluffy?

LENGTH … 5.4k.

WARNINGS … TOXIC relationship. this is a bad, codependent, parasitic relationship i do not idolize nor condone this kind of relationship by any means. abuse of power. corruption kink. religious themes. throat/face fucking, aggressive at that. reader is restrained at one point, nothing crazy. fingering (fem receiving). jaehyun isn’t a great guy. please let me know if i missed something! MINORS DNI.

NOTES … i wrote this fic literally years ago as a chanyeol fic lol! again, mind those tags as this is a darker kind of piece. hope yall enjoy! rbs, comments, and asks are always appreciated ♡

ㅤㅤㅤ© ikissjae 2022. translating and/or reposting is not allowed.

Jaehyun reminded you of fire.

Out of control. Hot. Angry. Suffocating. 

Jaehyun was like a burning building you wanted to get out of but couldn’t find your way out because the smoke was so thick and heavy. The horrifying part wasn’t that the building was burning down or that your lungs were burning from the smoke, oh no no, it was that you didn’t want to get out.

You wanted to burn to the ground surrounded by Jaehyun.

You can’t explain how you got yourself here pinned down in the backseat of his car, dress riding up dangerously high on your thighs, and your baby hairs plastered to your forehead from the sweat that harbored there. 

Hot. It was so hot in his car. Suffocating almost. 

That probably wasn’t from the heat, that was probably due to the large boy weighted on top of you, his large hands holding tightly onto the lacey fabric of your dress. You loved this dress. It was a pristine white and had the prettiest lace pattern you had ever seen. You wore it every Sunday. Today was no different.

The boy’s lips stayed attached to your neck as you laid there, complacent, your hands rested barely on his waist. You were scared to touch him. You didn’t know what was right and what was wrong. Jaehyun pulled back from your neck to look down at your face. You just blinked up at him, letting your hands move from hovering over his waist to rest heavily on his broad shoulders.

Jaehyun was so big. It was stupid you two kept making out in the cramped backseat of his beatup old car. If you felt confined, you couldn’t imagine how Jaehyun must’ve felt.

“Wanna try something new?”

Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. Matthew 26:41. 

The verse rang through your head once Jaehyun’s offer hit your ears. Your eyes scanned his face unsurely, watching his pretty pink lips quirk up into a smirk at your hesitation. There was always something dark in his eyes. Something impure.

Jaehyun was impure. 

He was, as your father affectionately put it, a “troubled youth” and needed some help “improving himself”

Your father loved fixing things that never needed to be touched in the first place. Jaehyun was one of those things. He’s been drinking since he knew how to hold a bottle, fighting since he knew how to walk, and smoking since he was fourteen. He told you that once when he was taking you to church.

You, on the other hand, were pure.

You never drank, you never smoked, you never even thought about doing any type of drugs, and you had never kissed a boy till Jaehyun appeared in your life. You remember night vividly. He looked harmless, honestly, soft features and dressed all nice. Your father talked so highly of the progress he and Jaehyun were making, how Jaehyun’s life was only improving since your father started taking him to church. 

Jaehyun was the devil in sheep's clothing. 

You remember how intense his gaze on you was. How hot it made your cheeks and made you advert your eyes from him and onto the green beans on your plate. You should’ve known then and there he was laying the trap out so he could keep you locked in his burning house forever. 

God, if only you knew.

“What’s the new thing?” You wondered breathlessly. Jaehyun hummed as he sat up, looking around the backseat before nodding to the front. 

“Get in the front. There’s not enough room back here.” You complied so easily, soothing your dress down and sitting up to crawl over his center console and into the passenger seat. You didn’t even ask where he was taking you. You just listened to him without thought. You were his lapdog practically. 

You couldn’t help it. Jaehyun was interesting. He had so many stories, so many tales, some of drama, some of loss, and some were just funny. He was so interesting. You never met anyone like Jaehyun before. 

Once the boy settled in the front seat, you propped your elbow up on the center console and rested your cheek in your palm, watching him turn on the car with stars in your eyes. You adored Jaehyun as much as your heart could allow you too. You knew it was futile but you couldn’t help it, he was looking to be adored.

After a beat of you staring, Jaehyun turned his head towards you, brows knitted together and a scowl on his face. You simply batted your lashes at him, smiling warmly up at his gaze.

He didn’t warm up. He never did. But you had hope one day he would.

One day, Jaehyun would feel the same way towards you. 

“Stop looking at me like that.”

“I like looking at you like this.”

“I don’t care. It’s weird.” You laughed softly at his rebuttal, shaking your head.

“It’s not weird. You’re just handsome.” Jaehyun scoffed, beginning to drive out of the church parking lot. “I like looking at handsome boys.”

“I’m the only handsome boy you’re looking at, let’s be honest, angel.” You preened at that nickname. Angel. You loved being his angel. A celestial being in his eyes. It always made your cheeks burn. You sat up finally, looking out the window as he sped down the empty road that desperately needed fixing.

“Where are we going?” You asked after way too long of not knowing. Jaehyun glanced over at you then back at the road.

“My apartment.” Your eyes lit up at that, the excitement clear as day on your face.

“Really? You’re really taking me there?” You asked leaning back over to rest your hands on his bicep. Jaehyun couldn’t help but to smile a little at how excited you got over the minsecule of things. It was cute. You were excited to see his apartment, something he didn’t see as a big deal, but you saw as a massive deal.

Jaehyun never took you to his apartment. It was like a shadowy part of his life you didn’t know about––Well, a lot of Jaehyun’s life was like that.

“Yeah,” He chuckled quietly, “We’re trying something new, right? Why not do it somewhere new?” New for you, not new for him, but you didn’t say that. You just bounced excitedly in your seat.

Jaehyun’s apartment was rather messy. You weren’t surprised. His car was messy so why wouldn’t his house be too? He guided you through the disheveled living room, arm tightly wrapped around your waist as you looked around trying to take in your surroundings. You didn’t want to sound pompous but, god, this place was a dump.

He opened his bedroom door, letting you walk in first and look around. You were a curious little thing. Jaehyun liked that. He liked how little you knew about the world, how sheltered you were from everything dark and twisted. He liked showing you those aspects of the world, slowly and cautiously so you wouldn’t run away or get scared but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t like when your eyes got all wide and full of fear.

“You should get an aloe vera plant.” You finally conclude causing his lips to quirk up with a small laugh as you hooked your fingers in front of you, smiling up at him. “You need something alive in here.”

“I got you, don’t I?” He tapped the tip of your nose at that. You giggled up at him, rocking back and forth on your heels anxiously. Jaehyun hummed down at you, waiting for a response with that same smirk on his lips. You nodded quickly, hands still laced in front of you.

“You got me.”

It felt like a promise. A one-sided promise.

Jaehyun pinched your cheek playfully before nodding towards his bed. You looked down at the black sheets, humming stiffly as you sat on the mattress the springs squeaking beneath your weight. Your hands rested in your lap as Jaehyun towered over you, his eyes dark with something you didn’t know. You didn’t know a lot about Jaehyun.

Jaehyun tilted his head down at you, tucking hair behind your ear in one last gentle act of kindness before he dropped his hand to begin undoing his belt.

You bit your bottom lip as he stared down at you, his eyes falling to your fidgeting hands.

“Let me just see your hands,” You didn’t hesitate to put your hands up, palms facing him. He easily took your wrists into one of his large hands. You swallowed thickly up at him as he wrapped the belt around your wrists tightly and expertly. You wondered how many times he’s done this with other people.

You let out a soft gasp when he tugged on the belt, pulling you towards his hips till you were in front of his zipper. You swallowed thickly, looking up at him with big adoring eyes as he trailed his hand up and to tangle into your hair.

“Open your mouth, angel,” Your jaw immediately dropped. He hummed in slight pride, nodding his head down at you. “Tongue out.” You listened to that command without hesitation as well, staring up at him pathetically as he let go of your hair to take off his jeans letting them fall to his knees. 

You’ve seen Jaehyun’s dick before, it just happened. You didn’t plan on it, but it’s happened multiple times now. 

“Why–”

“I don’t think I said you could talk,” There’s a pang of hurt in your chest, but you stared up at Jaehyun with big doe eyes as he gently tapped your jaw. “Just shut up and keep your mouth open.” You swallowed thickly but dropped your jaw again, watching as he pulled his boxers down to join his jeans.

This was new. Jaehyun took his dick into his hand, stroking slowly like he was teasing himself.

You haven’t seen a lot of dicks in your life––Okay, you’ve only seen Jaehyun’s but you’re going to assume that he’s on the bigger side. You have nothing to compare him to but a big boy has to have a big dick, right? 

“Gonna fuck your throat,” You tried to wring your wrists with your hands but the leather restraint around your wrists stopped you causing you to whine softly, “Hit my thigh if it’s too much, got it?”

You blinked up at him a few times, scared to speak again thinking he would snap at you again. So, you nod as your eyes fall downward. Jaehyun snapped his fingers causing him to look up at him again. 

“Look at me and don’t look away till I say so, understood?” 

You took a second, but nodded. You could feel your tongue getting dry. Jaehyun gently smacked the head of his cock against the palette of your tongue with a wet smack. You shut your eyes tightly before quickly opening them again––You’re a good listener.

Jaehyun smiled down at you, putting one hand on the back of your head to push your mouth towards his dick. 

You balled your fists up, your nails digging into your palms as Jaehyun ran a hand through your hair. He was gentle at first, not pushing you too far or too fast, just a gentle guiding hand. It wasn’t bad. You weren’t enjoying it but you didn’t hate it.

It was for Jaehyun. You’d do anything for Jaehyun.

He didn’t taste like anything really. There was a saltiness but that was easy to ignore. You kind of had a hard time breathing but it wasn’t impossible. Truly, it could be better but it could be worse.

“Deep breath through your nose, angel.” His deep voice knocked you out of your thoughts. Of course you listened, you always did, taking a deep breath through your nose as he put a hand on the back of your head and pushed down until your nose pressed against his stomach.

You shut your eyes tightly, loudly sputtering and gasping around his cock. Your throat spasmed around him trying to catch a breath but to no avail. You could feel tears flood your eyes and roll down your cheeks, unable to wipe them because of your restraints. Jaehyun groaned down at you, twisting his hand in your hair a little tighter to hold you down on his cock.

Everything was getting so messy. You hated messes. You didn’t want to be messy. Messes are bad. You weren’t a mess.

“Fuck,” You gagged around his cock again, trying to focus on breathing through your nose but it progressively got harder. “You look so cute with my dick down your throat, angel.” 

He thought this was cute? Rapid tears running down your cheeks and drool pooling from your mouth? Gagging around his cock? You were 90% sure you didn’t look cute right now.

You shut your eyes tightly before hitting his thigh with your tied together hands, whining up at him pathetically before he pulled you off of his dick with a deep sigh.

Once off his dick, you coughed trying to catch your breath as Jaehyun watched you turn away from him, blinking hard as your chest heaved a little bit. Jaehyun cooed patronizingly down at you, laughing at how you still struggled to get it together.

“So cute,” He coos, running his knuckles over your cheek. His words didn’t feel sincere anymore. They felt mocking. You looked up at Jaehyun with a sniffle, clearing your throat with a deep breath through your nose. 

“I–I don’t think I like it,” You tell him as you put your hands on his thigh, “I-I’m not good at it.” It was a lame excuse that you knew he wouldn’t accept, but it was worth a shot. “My throat hurts already. I–”

“It’s supposed to hurt,” Jaehyun interrupted, putting his hand back in your hair. You whimpered up at him, eyes wide and lips swollen. “If you make me cum, I’ll give you a surprise. You want that, baby?”

You swallowed up at him, batting your wet lashes up at him.

He knew you liked surprises. He knew you too well.

Slowly and unsurely, you nodded. Jaehyun smirked as he leaned down, sloppily colliding his lips with yours. You whined softly at how his tongue licked into your mouth, groaning softly at your still sweet taste before pulling back with a wet smack. 

Messy. Things were so messy.

Jaehyun grabbed you by your jaw, easily opening your mouth again so he could slide his dick into your mouth. You inhaled deeply through your nose. It didn’t help, really, you still gagged and your eyes still watered the further he pushed you down. When your nose brushed against his stomach once again. Jaehyun snapped his fingers above your head causing your wet eyes to look up from the carpet, looking up at him with the smallest whimper.

“Look at me. I want you to look at me when I fuck your face.”

Jaehyun’s never been poetic.

He was gentle at first, like he always was. His hips smooth and and slow, his cock easily sliding from the back of your throat to the tip of your tongue. You didn’t mind the pace, you slightly enjoyed it even, but with time his hips snapped harder and faster. 

It was only a matter of time before his cock was hitting the back of your throat repeatedly. The soft cute sounds you were making, morphing into dramatic gags as tears ran down your cheeks again. 

You wanted to close your eyes, you wanted to wipe the drool from your chin, you wanted to use your hands again. 

But it didn’t matter what you wanted. It was about Jaehyun. It was always about Jaehyun.

At least he was handsome, he looked so good when he felt good. He sounded like heaven too. His baritone groans were so harmonious and a blissful distraction to your throat getting fucked.

“Oh god, you’re doing so good, angel.” You hated how his compliment made your cheeks burn. “You’re no angel, huh? What angel sits around and gets their throat fucked?”

You tried to shake your head but you couldn’t move your head that much. 

You were an angel. You were his angel. 

“You’re just a whore, hm?”

You shook your head again, this time letting out a soft sound of protest that only made him fuck into your mouth harder. His hand in your hair turned iron tight as you gagged around his cock again, spit dripping from your chin and onto your dress. You hated how wet your face was, you desperately wanted to wipe your cheeks or your chin––You wanted to be clean again. 

“You just need to be put in your place,” Jaehyun groaned, brows knitting in as more little sounds left your throat. “I’ll put you in your place, baby. I’ll show you what you’re really meant to be.”

You thought he was just talking to talk, you couldn’t understand what he was saying or what it meant. The ache in your jaw was pretty distracting, your jaw going slack and eyes glossing over as both of his hands went to either side of your head for more control. His cock now sliding in and out of your throat with little resistance, the only sounds in the room are his rough groans and the crude squelching sounds from your throat.

While your eyes were staring up at him, listing like always, your mind was elsewhere.

You wished you were in the car again. You wished he was on top of you again. You wished you were kissing again. You liked kissing Jaehyun––No, you loved kissing Jaehyun. He has the softest plumpest lips, it was heaven kissing Jaehyun.

You don’t have anyone to compare him to but you bet he was the best kisser in the world.

Hastily, Jaehyun pulled you off of his cock, jerking himself off causing your eyes to drop to watch him jerk himself off but he grabbed your jaw and jerked your head up.

“Sorry.” You whispered hoarsely, watching him bite his bottom lip as you watched his face with parted spit-slicked lips. Jaehyun’s chest heaved as his breathing picked up. The small grunts he was letting out turned into loud rough moans, his head falling back as he came in thick strings of white.

A string of cum splattered on your cheek causing you to grimace a little, feeling even dirtier than before. Jaehyun watched you as he came down from his high, breathing deeply through his nose before wiping his cum on your cheek.

“Jae!” You squealed, jerking away causing him to laugh at your reaction. You whined loudly, struggling to stand from your position from the ground. The ache in your knees almost immediately once you stood, you ignored it to lift your tied hands with a clear of your throat.

“Take it off.” 

Jaehyun raised his brows at your tone, immediately knocking back into your place. 

“Please.”

He stared down at you for a second before taking your hands into his, untightening the restraints around your wrist and letting your hands free again. Once your wrists were free, you quickly wiped at your face. You didn’t know what you were wiping off at this point cum, tears, drool––You wanted a shower. You sniffled softly, holding you tainted palms out to him with a pout on your lips. Jaehyun looked at your hands then back at you, brows raised like he was supposed to do something.

“Just wipe them on your dress.”

“I don’t want to wipe them on my dress.”

“Why?”

You blinked at him.

“It’ll get dirty.” Jaehyun scoffed a little bit at that. “I don’t want it to get dirty.” He shrugged nonchalauntly like he was supposed to help you.

“There’s drool all over it already,” You bite the inside of your cheek at how dismissive his tone was.

“Wipe it on your dress.” It wasn’t a suggestion anymore. It was a demand. 

A demand that made your throat tight and your eyes dropping to the floor. Slowly, you wiped your grimy hands on the hem of your dress, brows knitting together in disgust as the white darkened to a dark grey. 

Jaehyun grabbed your chin, jerking your face up to look up at him. You stared up at him, eyes wide and innocent just like he likes.

“Do you want to shower?”

You nodded. He dropped your chin, pulling his boxers up and kicking his jeans off before striding over to a drawer. He pulls out a large black t-shirt, handing it to you before nodding towards the door across the room.

“Towels are in the cabinet.”

You looked at the door, holding the shirt close to your chest before looking back at Jaehyun.

“You don’t use 2 in 1 shampoo and conditioner, right?”

Jaehyun looks back at you, brows raised as he lets out an amused chuckle. He shakes his head.

“I–uh–No, no I don’t. I use regular shampoo and conditioner.” He walks back over to you, putting his hands out to help you up. It took a second for you to get back on your feet, your knees aching almost unbearably and legs feeling like they’re not there. You held tightly onto his hands, closing your eyes at the headrush you got from standing up, sighing at how light you felt.

“You okay?” Jaehyun asked with a quiet laugh. You didn’t answer just leaning forward and resting your head on his chest with a small sigh. It takes him a second but he wraps one arm around your waist and places his hand on the back of your head, playing with your hair as you let your eyes close.

“Go shower,” He whispered, “I’ll be right here when you get back.” You let out a small sound of protest before standing up straight, sighing. Jaehyun stared down at you, arm still loosely around your waist as he leaned down to press a kiss to the top of your head.

“I’ll be out in a minute.” You whispered, patting his chest before walking into his small dingy bathroom.

You don’t spend a lot of time in the shower. It’s small and makes you feel claustrophobic. The ends of your hair get wet but you avoid washing it, you already did so before church. 

You stepped back into Jaehyun’s room, wearing the oversized black shirt he gave you. Jaehyun looked up from his phone as he laid on his bed with one arm behind his head. He doesn’t say anything, just pats the empty space next to him.

You smiled, skipping a little as you approached the empty side of his bed and crawling next to him and resting your cheek on his chest with a fond smile. Jaehyun wrapped an arm around your shoulders before leaning in and kissing the side of your head.

Your arms easily wrapped around his torso as you watched him mindlessly scroll through his twitter timeline, both of you just laying in silence.

“We go to sleep now?” You whispered, eyes never leaving his screen but your voice clearly tired. Jaehyun looks down at you, patting your shoulder before getting up to turn off the light, silently agreeing with you. He seems to do that a lot. Showing his agreement instead of vocalizing.

He wasn’t good with words. Typically only saying critiques and crude jokes. You’ve chalked this up to him never learning how to properly communicate his feelings. You can’t be too sure though as you know little to nothing about Jaehyun before you met him.

He was a mystery. Easily, a big part of why you liked him so much.

Jaehyun climbed back in bed, turning you on your side so he could slot himself behind you, holding you to his chest with one arm around your waist. You always fell asleep easily. Something about the darkness just made it easy. Plus, Jaehyun was warm and comfy to be pressed against.

He hooked his chin over your shoulder as his hand slowly bunched up your black shirt to reveal your underwear. You opened your eyes slowly, turning to face him with a small sound of interest.

“Let me give your surprise, angel.” He whispered, gently bumping his nose with yours before colliding your lips smoothly. He pulls away from your lips, slipping his fingers into his mouth to get them wet.

It’s a crude sight to see but you can’t tear your eyes away from him. With his free hand, he held your thigh tightly, resting your leg on his hip to keep your legs spread. You let him manhandle you into the position he wanted, only letting out soft whimpers and sounds as you brought your fingers to your mouth.

Without missing a beat, he slid his wet digits down your stomach and into your underwear. You whimpered when his digits slid against your soft folds, rubbing circles into your clit. You gasped against your fingers, your hand quickly dropping from your mouth to hold tightly onto the hand that held tightly onto your thigh.

“You’re such a good girl,” Jaehyun cooed, “Bet you’ve never been touched like this before, hm?”

Your face got red red at that, shaking your head with a small whimper. Jaehyun’s the only person to ever touch you like this, you know he knows that but you nod along to his words, silently agreeing. It feels like your body is overheating with pleasure as he presses harder into your clit as the circles become slower and more diligent.

Jaehyun watches your lips as pretty little moans fall from them, kissing your neck with a groan. You arched against him, squeezing his hand with a louder than usual moan. Your cheeks immediately got red at your volume, but you couldn’t help it. You just felt so good.

Abruptly, Jaehyun removes his fingers from your underwear. Before you can complain or ask any questions, he manhandles you onto your back and pulls your underwear down your legs. He spread your legs apart so he could lay on top of you like in his car.

You were panting at this point, the ache in your core only growing as he slid his hand back between your legs, lips only centimeters from yours.

“You ever had someone inside you, angel?” Your eyes widened at his words, shaking your head in response. Jaehyun smirked down at you, humming at your answer as his finger stroked over your entrance. You looked between your bodies with knitted brows before looking up at him with concerned eyes.

“Is it going to hurt?” You whispered, nerves burning in the pit of your stomach as he shakes his head. 

“Just relax, angel.” He whispered soothingly, “I would never hurt you.”

Your throat still ached and you could still feel his belt around your wrist. But you still believe him, pressing your palms against his chest and looking up into his eyes with a soft smile.

Slowly, he pushes one finger into you, causing a small sound to leave your mouths, your brows knitting together in confusion at the forgein feeling.

“Is this what sex feels like?” You whispered, causing him to laugh a little down at you, sliding his finger in and out of you to test the waters, causing you to moan softly at the smooth glide. You were told sex was going to hurt. One girl even told you she bled after her first time. Easily, that scared the shit out of you and made you steer clear of sex, saving it for marriage. Well, that was until you met Jaehyun.

You can’t think too much about that. You’ll feel guilty because Jaehyun isn’t your husband, hell, he’s not even your boyfriend.

“I can’t really describe sex to you, gonna be honest,” He starts as he slowly working his finger into you. Jaehyun leans down to press his forehead to yours, “Your pussy is really tight. I bet fucking you would feel like fucking heaven.” Jaehyun says. You throw a hand over your head, covering your eyes in shame with a pathetic whine.

“No, no, let me see you, angel,” He chides. You take the hand off your face and look at Jaehyun, keeping eye contact. His finger inside you starts to pick up speed, and soon you can feel a second finger pushing in alongside the first. The burn from the stretch makes you whine, arching your back against him, eyes tightly shut.

“Tell me how it feels, baby,” Jaehyun groans, finger moving faster, curling upwards. You blink your eyes open, panting again, trying to think of anything to come out of your mouth to please him. He seemed to like how you struggled to get yourself together, smirking at how every time you opened your mouth to say something only moans came out.

“G-good.” You finally got out with a whimper.

“Aw, that’s all you can say?” Jaehyun taunts, moving his fingers faster, curling them upwards. You gasped up at him, digging your nails into his arms at the new sensation. This must be what euphoria feels like, you can’t think of another word to describe the feeling other than euphoric. “It feels good doesn’t it, angel? You look so good right now,” You look down to watch his fingers slide in and out of you, curling up against the bundle of nerves inside you that made you look back up at his face. “You think this feels good? Wait until I get my dick in you.”

Your eyes rolled back at his words, nails firmly digging into his biceps as you arched your back up against his chest. A loud moan rips through your throat, your eyes shutting tightly.

“Jaehyun, Jaehyun, Jaehyun,” You repeat, like a prayer , your legs start shaking against the mattress, abdomen muscles tightening. Your cries of his name turn to incoherent babbles, just you making pathetic sounds again.

Jaehyun groans into your ear at how tightly your walls contract against his fingers, kissing the side of your head as you try to ground yourself but failing. You felt like you were in the clouds, like you were floating somewhere, you just felt so good. You never imagined anything could feel this good.

Jaehyun lifts his head from the crook of your neck, staring down at you with a smirk, brushing your hair from your forehead back.

“Look at you,” He hummed, tracing your bottom lip with his index finger as he slowly pulled his fingers out of you, “So pretty.” You let your eyes open to stare into his with a small whimper. Your eyes drop to his lips, tilting your head at the urge to kiss him. You lifted your head to collide your lips. He held the side of your face, humming against your lips with a small moan.

“My pretty, pretty, angel.” Jaehyun whispered, kissing your forehead causing you to shut your eyes. You undug your nails from his biceps so you could wrap your arms around his torso to pull him closer. 

It took him a second to recuperate, wrapping his arms around you to hold you tightly to his chest. You nuzzled into the crook of his neck, pressing a kiss under his jaw before pulling back and resting against the flat pillow beneath your head.

“Did you like your surprise?” He asked with a cocky smile, causing you to giggle softly. Your cheeks grew pink at that, covering your face with one hand. Jaehyun rolled off of you, giving you the ability to feel around for your underwear.

You finally found them by the end of his bed, slipping your underwear back on with a small ‘hmph’ sound, causing Jaehyun to lift his head and watch you. You soothed your shirt down, letting it rest at your knees, looking up to lock eyes with him in the dark, blinking a beat after him.

“You going to lay back down?” Jaehyun asks.

“Where else would I go?” You huffed, crawling back to your spot and laying down. Jaehyun doesn’t answer, just lets out a grunt and pulls you to his side.

The rest of the night was silent and cold.

#jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun scenario #nct smut #jaehyun smut #nct 127 smut #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct ff #nct fanfic #jung jaehyun #jaehyun angst #jaehyun imagine

[sillysillygoofygoose]

Melancholic; Crying During Sex

fucked up ex toji x broken hearted pathetic reader

cw: angst, toxic relationship, dacryphilia, manipulation, mentions of substance abuse, domestic violence if you really squint but this is really more of a warning if you're sensitive to that. Please be careful while reading this <3 MDNI

"Thought you never wanted to see me again... what happened?"

The humming vibrations of his deep voice ricocheted off the off-white walls, straight to your heart.

"Just... just sit down, Toji." You sigh, shamefully focusing on the dirty shag carpet installed in the beaten down motel. It must've been older than you.

He trudged over to the messily made bed, grunting as his knees folded, decreasing his much larger height slightly. Slowly, his eyes travel from his twiddling thumbs up, up, up, to your face for the first time in months. He felt the waves of his yearning heart crash against his once proud chest. You glance up, meeting his intense gaze, and you immediately feel the wind be knocked out of your tired lungs. Tired of yelling, tired of sighing, tired of crying. Deeply inhaling, you feel your eyes slowly well up, quickly looking away.

"I don't know why you're the one crying. Aren't you the one who 'can't even look at me anymore'? Where did that fire go, sweetheart?" He attempted to smile, knowing his jab would stab deep. However, all he could produce was a broken smirk, feeling his heart throb against his will, an act of betrayal committed by his own body.

---

"God Toji, look at you! You've been acting so... different. You've changed." Your voice slowly faded more and more as your exclamation continued. You busy yourself, packing as much as you can into a small luggage bag, minutes from leaving.

"Aren't we supposed to? Who are you to judge me? Don't act like you're some fucking saint." Toji pointed his finger in your face, moving closer to you. You aggressively slap his hand away, face souring as he progressively grows harsher.

"Get the fuck out of my face. Don't you fucking touch me, asshole. Not after what you did last night." There it is, the cause of the current argument. After downing God knows how many beers and sniffing up a grainy white line, Toji was out of his fucking mind. Yelling, trashing the house, screaming at you. It was horrifying, nerve-wracking.

"Listen, I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry, okay? You know I'm trying to quit, trying to get better. I will get better. I just need you. Aren't you supposed to be here for me? Love me no matter what?" He held out his hands to you, sharp eyes begging you to stay. You promised him that, "no matter what"... how could you break a promise?

"I- I really can't... I can't even look at you anymore. It hurts too much. It's tearing me apart, Toji. It's all too much."

---

"Is it too much, baby?" Toji plunged deep inside you while you grasp onto his shoulders, tears freely falling down your flushed cheeks.

"No, no it's not too much... fuck- feels good." You whine in response, chest heaving up and down. The air shared between you was hot and thick, overwhelming in your lungs.

"Then why are you crying? Huh?" He leans over, licking a salty drop from your sorrowful but pleasured face.

"Toji~ Toji it hurts so bad!" You grip the sheets, his slow sensual thrusts making your flooded eyes roll back.

"I'm hurting you baby? Do we need to stop?" Toji grows worried as your tears only increase, the scene inappropriately erotic. You look tragically beautiful. Painfully gorgeous.

"No, no, no, don't stop. Please don't fucking stop. I need you." Legs snap around his toned waist, pulling him even closer to you.

He was making love to you. Love. It hurt more than anything he's ever done. Not because of the sweet abuse of your tight hole, but because of the handprint he's leaving on your weeping heart. The burning hot feeling in your chest was unexplainable, the pain of pure emotion building up in your system.

"Come here sweetheart." You're gathered up in his muscular arms, sitting on his lap as he drills up into you. You rest your tired, confused head on his shoulder, attempting to muffle your gut wrenching cries into his neck. His cologne is disgustingly familiar, provoking your senses as you cling to him.

His head falls on yours as he holds your shaking body, chasing his high. He grimaced at the harsh feeling of tears prickling at the side of his cold eyes.

"I know, my sweet girl, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Are you going to cum with me?" The pain present in his voice as he softly bounces you on his dick, quickly wiping away the tear that slipped down his cheekbone.

You simply nodded, unable to even think about verbally responding. Tears run down two sets of cheeks as an orgasm is tenderly shared, breathing synced together.

Sobs wrack your body as Toji lays you on the grimy, thin motel sheets. The flickering dingy lights only added to the tortured essence your heartbroken beauty emitted.

He gently kissed your cheek, his tears mixing with your own.

"I will get better."

I've been lied to

Now I'm fuzzy

Hope you enjoyed! Xoxo

#SoundCloud #jjk x reader #fem reader #size difference #age difference #jjk toji #jjk #toji fushiguro #toji x reader #18+ content #toji smut #enemies to lovers #exes to lovers #mutual pinning

[ser-res]

hear me out

toxic dark cream but cross loves killer and killer does too and shatter doesn't approve of this

CW! Gore, Manipulation

shatter finds out and they're angry cause they see it as cross betraying them and cheating on them(despite cross probably getting forced into this relationship shatter made up)

so they decide to get rid of killer while cross watches

shatter pins killer down and they, out of pure curiosity, start to push killer's soul closer to his chest

killer starts to fight back, trying to push shatter's hand away because he knows what'll happen if his soul gets stuffed into his ribcage

shatter finds this amusing and intriguing, eventually they win the fight and successfully pushed killer's soul into his ribcage

it took a second but then there was the first crack, then multiple followed after and killer's pained groans

shatter dropped him to the floor and turned to cross, now satisfied by the reaction, "this is what happens when you decide to run off and find someone else."

cross covered his mouth in shock, taking a few steps forward because he wanted to heal killer, he loved him but shatter kept him back, restraining him with their tendrils

"stop! let me heal him, please! please, i won't see him anymore, just let me heal him!" he begged but to no prevail

"this is a lesson, cross. do NOT defy me, we're going home" cross froze, a few memories coming back, shatter sounded like his father and it scared him

cross took one more look back at killer, who was curled up on his side clutching his stomach and the sound of cracking was still present

killer looked up with a wavering and faint eyelight, he smiled and signed "i love you" and mouthed it

it was a silly moment that happened way back

...

cross showed killer sign language and showed him how to sign 'i love you'

"you're such a dork and that's cheesy, im never gonna do that"

they laughed it off, not knowing that this would be a touching moment in the future

...

cross teared up upon seeing killer sign it, his arms were restricted so he couldn't sign it back so instead he mouthed "i love you too."

killer relaxed and kept his eyelight on cross until shatter forcefully made cross leave with them

dust was sent out to find killer after nightmare realized killer wasn't coming back, he so happened to find killer on the ground bleeding out

dust quickly picked killer up and got them back home

killer was dazed unable to comprehend dust's words

"killer, who did this to you? killer? can you hear me? fxck, snap out of it damn it!"

dust noticed the absence of killer's soul but the glow was still there, lifting his sweater up he saw the damage

killer's ribcage was completely blown out, it was a miracle some of the bones stayed connected even if by a sliver

dust carefully extracted the soul and set it to the side, it was dripping with both determination and killer's blood

dust healed what he could without hurting killer but eventually had to call in nightmare because he was starting to freak out, feel sick from how much damage there was, and started to get hysterical

even nightmare was horrified by what it saw, even if it didn't show it

at this point killer had passed out, which was a good thing, as long as he wasn't dusting so nightmare healed the rest of what dust couldn't, its goop keeping the broken bones together

nightmare watched killer's soul while dust was taken out of the room by horror, who took him to the kitchen for a comfort snack even though dust felt like his nonexistent gut was churning and he felt like heaving every last bit of magic out

nightmare couldn't think of anyone who would do this, killer had no known enemies aside from the stars but even so he was well acquainted with them and they wouldn't do this much damage

silly little thought that i might make into a fic 👀

killer - rahafwabas

cross - jakei

dust - ask-dusttale

nightmare - jokublog

reminder, this is just my interpretation of shatter and not related to any other fics/stories of dark cream ":D

shattered - galacii-gallery

#cross sans #xtale sans #killer sans #nightmare sans #dust sans #shattered dream #dark cream #dark xunshine #criller #sans aus #utmv #serres stories n drabbles

[lilydoesdrawsometimes]

A text post? From me? How strange... TW before you go ahead: This is a long rant. I swear a bit, and talk about some toxic stuff in the TSP fandom, and touch on some sensitive topics.

But no, really, I want to say this because I feel like it's getting more and more prevalent and I just feel like garbage every time I see stuff about it.

And first, let me preface that I understand where a lot of these people are coming from, I really really do, but honestly I think this is the shittest way to go about things.

What is this thing I am talking about? It's the "Yaoi" "Old man" "Clock 0ut ruined TSP" bullshit. Honestly it's got me so fucking irritated because this fandom has become one of very few things that brings me comfort lately.

And like I said I understand that representation in media is essential - skinny, white, attractive characters are literally what 90% of media is, we know this. So representation is important, essential, and everything when it comes to creators adding their stuff in. But that's where my agreement with that part of the argument stops.

90% of people are entitled to their ideas, their creations, their thoughts, all of it. They are an individual who absolutely deserves to express themselves and how they feel about something in whatever way they see fit.

Which is why we need to boost the ones who are showing minorities, who are showing a side that you enjoy - not just fucking shitting on the people who do the things that you don't like or who follow the majority.

You can bitch and complain all you want about the "twinks" and the "skinny white dudes" of the fandom, but you aren't going to stop it. Frankly all you're doing is making amazing artists and creators feel bad about the things they've done for no reason. You're bullying people who genuinely enjoy some media. Hell you're making me feel bad. And I won't say I'm not guilty of the "skinny handsome person" aesthetic or whatever, but:

Being in this fandom has genuinely improved my ability to draw more diverse and older individuals and has pushed me to improve on that.

What is making me not want to do art as a whole anymore are these fucking people constantly shitting on the other people in the fandom. It makes me not want to interact with their stuff, and I admire their things! I love them! But I don't want to see that shit, I don't need to see that shit. It makes me want to unfollow artists who create some wonderful things. Just because you have a certain take on media does not mean it is right nor does it mean that you are the only one who deserves to have any say in how things are made. You can be angry, you can not like media, it's okay to not like Clock 0ut and how it goes, but to suggest that someone shouldn't have made something that is arguably a pretty neat creation is ... sickening. You're literally gatekeeping what people can do because you don't like it.

You can argue that it hurts a fandom but honestly, other than the insane things I see on tiktok (Some of it IS horrifying, don't get me wrong) I have met many amazing creators that joined because of Clock 0ut who have the ability to analyze the depth of this game more than some of the people who claim that Clock 0ut has ruined it.

Not only that but they are wildly kinder people than those who constantly shit on others, people I'd rather be around.

Don't get me wrong I know Clock 0ut has spawned a lot of people who do a bit of harm to the fandom, but frankly that's going to happen with anything that becomes popular, it's just the way things are Look at Undertale...

I joined before I even knew what Clock 0ut was because of the dialogue and in depth nature of the media. I stayed because there are people who have encouraged me to be better, do better, and have become good friends of mine. I just think it's awful that this is becoming even more prevalent, and honestly I really just want to stop seeing it. TL;DR:

Fuck you and stop following me if you're just going to shit on people for enjoying media in the way that they do. There are bad people in every fandom, but just because someone doesn't do something the way you want them to does not mean that it is bad. Promote people who are doing what you want, and stop shitting on people doing nothing but enjoying something. Thank you if you read this far - I can't not say anything about it, especially when it's from people I respect or used to respect, and especially when it runs the risk of hurting people I care for or respect.

#Rant #Not my typical thing but #I can't deal with it rn #im already stressed as is #tsp #the stanley parable #stanley parable ultra deluxe #tspud #I have so much more to say #but I think this gets the point across

[cinematics123]

Fireworks

Soooo a few people called me out as toxic for requesting "Maddie beat up Eddie" as toxic. Mea Culpa as I was being dramatic; but I think the "beat up" was a bit much and exaggerated what I really intended. Not going to delete the post, but you guys were right.

But as a Buddie suggestion, I think there could be some real heft in the Buddie story line if there was a protective Maddie v. Eddie moment in the story. Indulge me a moment while I set the stage:

Let's say somewhere near the end point of S6b (placeholder S6E15-16), Buck has been injured and has been recovering with the Diaz boys. There's been a lot of mutual pining, but no movement. They're best friends and current roommates - but they've been both wanting to do something. After a grueling shift, Buck and Eddie are having a few beers on the couch. There's a moment and Buck touches Eddie's hand. Slowly, Buck goes in for the kiss - but at the last moment, Eddie pulls away and the kiss lands on Eddie's cheek bone.

Buck pulls back, horrified, apologizing. Eddie says it's fine, and tries to touch Buck, but Buck bolts out of the house and runs (he's recovered by late season S6b but has stayed at Eddie's past being recovered) back to his loft.

Then next episode (called Fireworks) people are popping off. All of the calls are related to fighting or romance. Once couple has to be rescued from a bathroom they snuck in together. Eddie calls Maddie to ask if Buck is alright and Maddie goes over to see Buck in a funk like he was post-leg injury: self-pity, can't get out of bed, whole 9 yards. Maddie doesn't understand exactly what happened other than Eddie is involved.

Maddie meets up at the 118 and they are doing sparring practice at the gym. Maddie canonically has done that with Buck (it was in Season 2 or 3) and Eddie had the whole fight club arc. Plus, the verbal/physical sparring trope is a tv staple. Maddie is paired up with Eddie and basically starts interrogating him through the sparring.

While Eddie starts by giving Maddie nothing but his own shutdown routine, Maddie is playing the protective older sister, verbally hitting Eddie with "Buck always feels like he is alone, he only feels like he truly has you and me." Eddie pushes back that Buck makes his own choices. Maddie starts sparring a little too hard, pushing Eddie for what happened between the two of them. Eddie says "things just happen." Maddie swings, Eddie misses the block, Maddie connects with Eddie - right on the same cheek where Buck kissed Eddie.

Cuts to: a few hours later and Chim sees Eddie with a black eye he teases Eddie that Buck gave him the black eye. Eddie responds: “No, your Buckley did this, not my Buckley.” Chim says something something about Buckley's being difficult, but how hard he's fought to find Maddie. Chim says something something about "but, you know, you're right. Buck is your Buckley" and Eddie breaks a little bit.

Buck phones in to Bobby to say that he has to emergently transfer to a different station. Buck is afraid he's ruined the team by making an unrequited move on Eddie, but doesn't say that to Bobby. However, when Buck calls, Bobby mentions about Maddie and Eddie. So Buck feels he needs to go down to and apologize in person, not for Buck, but for Maddie. Buck comes down with the transfer request papers and sees Eddie with the black eye; he starts trying to apologize for Maddie when -- the alarm goes off.

It's one last call for Buck with the team at a fireworks factory that is burning down. There are several stations responding and the 118 is not leading the incident. The whole team feels sidelined, the situation it is dangerous but others are leading the evacuation. Even Hen & Chim are not even being asked to check on the rescued workers. It's a hurry up and wait situation and it's unbearable with Eddie and Buck both there - both together on the team, but both holding back and both hurt and being kept away from the burning building, which would just give them something positive to do.

Buck finally turns to Eddie. And says he's sorry. Eddie asks if he's means he's sorry for running away. Buck says no - he's sorry for what he did (and in front of the whole 118) says "I'm sorry for kissing you." Buck launches into an explanation that he's leaving and Eddie doesn't need to worry and typical Buck over explains.

Eddie is rocked. "You're leaving us? You're leaving me?" Buck starts saying he has to - but Eddie interrupts him. "Stop running, Evan. Don't run from me." He says he doesn't know how he's supposed to handle it, but, yes, he loves Buck too. Buck doesn't understand but Eddie walks over to him and kisses Buck right on the mouth. As they kiss, the fire finally gets to the fireworks - and the factory blows. Streamers shoot up into the air and it's all fireworks high in the air around Buddie's first kiss.

Would make for a good season 6 finale...

#buck x eddie #buddie ship #evan buck buckley #eddie diaz #eddie x buck #buddie 911 #buddie crack #the buckley diaz family #the buckley siblings #maddie buckley #chimney x maddie #and then we cheer

[sagethebnuuy]

Don't hurt me! with Diluc

pairing: Diluc x gn reader

TW: angst, yelling, unintentional toxic behavior (Diluc), arguments, light swearing, let me know if I missed anything

Nicknames: Luc, Love, Darling

I felt angsty so have this...I might make a part 2 to this if you guys want me to.

I don't know how it got this far. For as long as I've been with him, Diluc has never once raised his voice at me. Now, his voice echoes throughout the winery, loud and angry. What started as small concerns for his safety soon spiraled into a one-sided shouting match.

"Do you have any idea how much I do everyday? Truly, do you have even the slightest hint of an idea?" he shouts. His eyes that were once full of love and care are now clouded with endless rage. I've been trying to hold back my tears for the past hour and I'm very close to breaking.

"Luc-"

"No! Shut up! I'm a grown man, I don't need your weak ass worrying about me!" He steps closer and I step back.

"I-I'm sorry-"

"I don't need your apologies. Didi it ever occur to you that maybe I stay out so late because I need to get away?" He raises his hand and I flinch, closing my eyes and waiting for the impact.

"D-Don't hurt me! I-I'm sorry!" I cry out, tears spilling down my cheeks. He falls silent. When I open my eyes, he's taken at least 5 steps back and his hands are at his sides. He looks horrified.

"L-Love, I..." he pauses. "I'm so sorry. Please know that I would never hurt you...Archons, I couldn't hurt you." I sink to the floor, my sobs muffled by my hands. I hear him step closer.

"D-Don't touch me." I say firmly. He freezes.

"I-I'm so sorry..." I stand up and walk to our room, avoiding eye contact. He follows after me and stands in the doorway as I pack some of my things into a bag. "W-Where are you going?" he asks. I finish packing and turn to face him.

"I'm staying with Lisa for a while. I'm giving you space, like you wanted," I state, exiting the bedroom.

"D-Darling, I didn't mean-"

"Then why did you say it?" He doesn't answer. "I thought so." He doesn't follow me as I walk out the front door, but as I walk away, I hear his sobs coming from the winery.

[author-a-holmes]

Ari, hello and happy STS! How has Fey Touched been going? Also if you're feeling it, can you tell me anything about the kavians from the series?

Hello darling! and happy STS to you too! (Although I had an early night last night, so this is now technically Monday, we're just going to ignore that fact...)

Fey Touched is going well! I don't want to jinx it :D I started the month with about 19k, and my target for camp nano was 75k.

As of writing this, I've got 71k for July, so I've got another 4k today to hit my goal. Fingers crossed.

My other challenge was to complete the first draft of Changeling for Camp Nano, and while I won't quite make that, as the story has expanded slightly from them 95k total I had outlined, I should only be about 12-15k words short, so I'm giving myself the first week of August too.

As for the Kavians, I'd be delighted to tell you about my little monstrosities!

[I've done a Read More, because LONG post, but I've had trouble with Tumblr not including a Read More on asks, so if this blocks up the Dashboard, I apologise in advance! <3]

When I began outlining Fey Touched it didn't, originally, have fey at all. I wanted three different types of vampires. Traditional vampires, psychic vampires, and some twisted, nosferatu, type vampire.

But the longer I world built, the less I liked that. The "psychic" vampires were turned into the Fey, although they still retain psychic abilities, such as telekinesis, telepathy, and similar powers.

The traditional-style vampires stayed, with some tweaks. Sunlight doesn't hurt them, so much as they've very light sensitive, but they keep the more traditional speed, and strength, and enhances senses associated with vampires.

That still left me with a blank space where my monstrosities needed to sit. The evil ones. I still didn't know what I really wanted to do with these creatures, until I watched a 2019 film called "Dark Waters", with Mark Ruffalo and Anne Hathaway.

This is a little bit of a tangent, so bear with me. The film is based on true events, which are some of my favourite films to watch. It dramatizes the story of a lawyer called Robert Bilott, when he took on a case against the chemical manufacturing corporation DuPont after it was discovered that they had contaminated a town with unregulated chemicals.

The story is a little terrifying in that is is based on true events, and despite Bilott's win against the company, the chemical that's contaminated the town is still used today in the manufacture of Teflon, the non-stick coating for cooking utensils, such as frying pans etc.

The interesting/horrifying thing about this particular chemical, is that it's known as a "Forever" chemical. It doesn't break down in the environment, and while DuPont argued that the amount shed from Teflon was negligible, scientific tests proved that it was linked to dozens of diseases, and some very nasty cancers.

The film is VERY worth a watch, but the part that caught my attention was "Forever Chemicals", and my little writer brain began spinning.

If humans are ingesting, and being infected my these forever chemicals, that are floating around out bodies, and our blood, from the moment we take them in to the moment of our deaths, deaths somtimes caused by these very same chemicals...

What would those chemicals do to vampires who drank our blood?

We have very strict food regulations on animals for human consumption, and what they are allowed to eat. What would happen to vampires, if human blood became toxic to them?

And very slowly, very quietly, and slightly insidiously, my Kavians were created.

Kavians emerged within the world of Fey Touched somewhere around the early 1700's. The industrial revolution, according to my brief google research, happened around the early 1700's, so I figured that's when humans began inhaling huge amounts of toxic fumes, and then progressed onto ingesting lab made chemicals later.

At the time, Fey and Vampires both lived within the mortal realm.

At first, it was isolated incidents of Vampires going mad, and attacking anyone around them, but then Fey began to go missing, and turned up dead, drained of their blood.

In appearance, Kavians are similar to vampires, but they look sick. Like they've been lost at sea for months, sick. Their skin is waxy-looking, and shrunken, leaving them looking bony. Their eyes are bloodshot, but their movements are fluid and smooth. The tips of their fingers become deformed, boney and clawlike, but because they are gorging on human and fey blood, their abilities are overfuelled.

They're faster, stronger, and their senses are sharper than the average vampire. If you've seen the Fast and Furious films, it's like punching Nitrous Oxide into a racing car's engine, but they're also insane.

There's no logic behind their eyes, and no way to get them to focus. They run on pure, predator, instinct, and lose the capacity for forming speech. They're mindless beasts, of the worst kind, and chaos ensued as more and more vampires began to change.

The council of vampires, what was left of it, didn't have any answers.

All the while, Fey numbers were being decimated. Once a vampire became a Kavian, they would hunt and kill anything, almost mindlessly, earning themselves the nickname "Rabids", but the moment they scented the blood of a Fey, they made a beeline for them, and tore them to pieces. Almost drenching themselves in the silvery blood, like cats rolling in catnip.

Not every vampire who drank human blood was affected immediately. For some, it took weeks or months before their minds snapped, for some it was the first drink of human blood. It was only a small population of vampires who eventually figured out that they were still sane because they'd chosen to drink exclusively animal blood, and took this revelation to what tattered shreds remained of the vampire council.

The vampires, by this point, were desperate. The Fey had fled the mortal realm, for a bubble realm they had created out of sheer desperation, and the vampires were facing the growing number of kavians alone, so they issues a decree that the drinking of human blood was forbidden.

Almost as soon as the law went into effect, they stopped losing huge swathes of their numbers to turning, but they also discovered that human blood had, unnoticed by them, become addictive.

As the weeks turned into months, the vampire population lost a few more vampires who couldn't resist the addictive qualities of human blood, but their biggest fight was now the huge numbers of Kavians wandering the world and killing humans indiscriminently.

The vampires took refuge inside official buildings and structures that had been warded by the Fey, before they left for their own realm of Arbaon, and once the remaining vampires felt they had recouped and slightly recovered, they began training Kavians Hunters, whose sole purpose was to hunt and kill the kavians now infecting the world.

In part, to defend themselves and protect themselves from discovery by humans, but also in the hopes that, one day, the Fey would return to the mortal realm.

Negotiations with the Fey for reintegration into the Mortal Realm have only been ongoing for around twenty-five years at the time of Fey Touched, and it is Fey Court Law that all Fey who chose to leave Arbaon and travel to the mortal realm accept the risk that they may not return.

Hence my novel's tagline;

Fey go missing in the mortal realm. Everyone knows that.

#CW: Cancer #CW: Blood #CW: Vampires #Dark Waters #DuPont #PFOA #Forever Chemicals #Vampires #Fey #Kavians #Fey Touched #Ask #Ask Answered #STS #Story Telling Sunday #Writeblr #Writeblr Community #Writing #Writing Community #Worldbuilding #Ari Speaks #Arista Speaks

[spacexseven]

in for a penny, in for a pound

i spent weeks on this huhu actually the first request i started working on but it took forever to complete :(

request from @dolcekalim - y! kalim / vil / epel fake dating reader

cw: obsession, abuse of power, drugging, poisoning, implied kidnapping, threats, toxic relationships + behaviour; vil's part has mentions of low self esteem & insecurities.

- when they play their roles too well, even you can't tell when the act is supposed to end -

when you asked kalim to fake date you, you weren't sure what you were expecting.

why did you even consider asking someone from such a prestigious background? maybe you should have asked someone you were more familiar with? but everyone knew kalim was good. too good, perhaps, to be stuck with the unruly students in night raven college. he was probably the only person who would even hear out your request without laughing in your face or some other rude response.

regardless - maybe expecting him to help you out was a little too out of bounds - maybe it was, but if kalim happily allowed you to stay in a lavish guest room in the scarabia dorm and even offered to throw a whole banquet for your birthday, there was a possibility this wasn't too big of a request, right? after all, you just needed him to corroborate your lie that you had a boyfriend already, and that was it. no unnecessary displays or words. honestly, you were mostly concerned about dealing with jamil - even if kalim agreed, jamil probably wouldn't.

"be your boyfriend?! i would love to, [name]!!!"

your disbelief must have been obvious because kalim tilted his head and stared back at you - "don't tell me, did you think i'd say no?"

you chuckle awkwardly, "well...i surely wasn't expecting such an...enthusiastic response. and i thought maybe it wouldn't look good on you to be associated with me like that, even if it's just for show."

"what do you mean? i don't care what it looks like - i've always liked you, (name)."

you smile warmly, he was taking this so seriously already! there would be no doubt in anyone's mind that the two of you were dating, just like you wished.

"thanks, kalim. you don't know how much this means to me."

he grins at you, "awe, [name] i've wanted this forever. you don't know happy you've made me."

your smile dims a little, okay, maybe he was a bit too enthusiastic. you'd talk to him about it later - kalim was always too happy to help, after all.

kalim was good at his job. maybe a little too good, because even you were confused if the two of you were just fake dating or if you were a real couple. even in private, he held your hand and kissed your cheek, despite your numerous reminders he didn't have to touch you at all.

he was glued to your side every waking moment, and even offered to let you share his room (a proposal that was met with jamil's horrified expression, and your perplexed one), and every day, he had some expensive gift for you, each one more extravagant than the last. by now, you had amassed an alarmingly priceless collection. kalim, you realize, would have for a terribly clingy boyfriend. it would have been cute in a lesser extent, or, maybe you'd have appreciated his behavior more if he was actually your boyfriend. at this point, it was just infuriating.

you were relieved when you finally got to end the charade with kalim. it had been almost a month of putting up with him, and you were done with it.

"kalim, thanks for all your help. now that everything's settled, i won't need to bother you like this anymore," you're hoping your relief isn't too obvious - but kalim looks destroyed.

"what do you mean?!" his voice is uncharacteristically upset, and it catches the attention of the few students around you, "why are you breaking up with me?"

"the 'break-up'," you whisper, "doesn't have to be so dramatic, kalim."

he looks relieved, "so we're not really breaking up, are we, [name]?" at your slightly hesitant nod, he smiles brightly.

"i'll play along, then! but what will you tell everyone if they asked why we broke up?" you assure him you'll figure it out in due time, and he squeezes your hand lightly.

so, the scene goes, and you and kalim part ways. you don't think he'd continue his act except -

the next morning, there's a huge box next to your bed. a note attached to it reads - "please take me back! i'm sorry, i'll be a better boyfriend." inside the box, you find a beautiful outfit, with matching accessories and shoes, all of which you are sure costs more than your tuition fee.

you go out to confront him, only to be greeted with kalim himself outside your door. he grins at you, and leans in closer to whisper in your ear, "i thought you might have a hard time telling everyone why we broke up, so don't worry, i took care of it! also, i've told everyone that we're throwing a great banquet tonight to celebrate our one-month anniversary - did you like what i picked out for you?"

you know, despite his generosity and seemingly air-headed nature, that kalim was just as, if not more, cunning as anyone else in nrc - as expected of the dorm leader of scarabia. however, you didn't ever think you'd be the one ensnared in a trap like this. of course kalim knew what he was doing, with his untouchable reputation, setting up a situation so calculated to ensure you can't find a way out. an anniversary feast in the scarabia dorm - kalim's dorm - whoever would listen to you claiming he was never your boyfriend to begin with? after all the expensive gifts, the grand gestures, whoever would believe you're unhappy in your relationship. to anyone else, it would seem like a dream come true.

now, pressed to his side and weighed down by the glittering jewelry he gifted you, you wish you never considered asking kalim for his help.

when you asked vil to fake date you, you could already imagine the scandalized reaction he would have in response.

after all, this was vil, pomefiore's dorm head. apart from being perfect and untouchable, he was far too out of your league. besides, it's not like you were even considered an acquaintance of his, in fact, he probably didn't know your name. not that you blamed him - compared to him, you were a nobody.

so when he scoffs, you're not too disappointed or surprised. what comes after, however, nearly makes your eyes pop out of your head.

"where are you going?" he asks, watching you attempt to sneak out of the room, "no partner of mine would walk around without ensuring they are in perfect shape first. i have to polish your mind and body until you pass my standards!"

before you can ask any more questions, vil walks away, forcing you to scurry after him in an ungraceful manner.

you didn't think you'd find yourself in this position - vil having you sit painfully still as he did your makeup. you tried to avoid staring into his eyes, but the way he held your cheek and reprimanded you when you blinked or squinted left you with no choice. you were mesmerized by his flawless features. so much in fact, you hardly noticed time fly by.

"there," he finally announces, "you look almost half as good as me now."

you blink at your reflection, not believing the person you were staring at was yourself. he had worked some kind of magic, you were sure because there was no way a little makeup elevated you that much. catching sight of your slack jaw and wide eyes, vil taps your cheek with a pen and clicks his tongue at you.

"that look is unsightly," he chides, "straighten your back and follow me."

that was only the beginning of a series of constant reminders drilled into you - comments on your posture, your looks, your clothing, your mannerisms, vil found a way to critisice everything about you. at this point, it was honestly taking a toll on your well-being. before this, you had never felt too worried about your appearance, but now, with vil's brutal comments, you were terribly insecure about everything.

you didn't really think he was trying to hurt your feelings, but sometimes his words dug just a little too deep, and his words burned worse than before. you wondered if his own dorm members had to endure the same treatment. fortunately, almost half the time you had to spend pretending to date him was over - although his idea of dating consisted of him always watching you, 'dates' with vil were superficial too - vil would monitor what you were eating, how you were sitting, it was so unbearable. you always wondered if he had any idea of how much he was troubling you.

"what do you mean, breaking up?" vil scowls, the angry expression marring his unblemished face, "i never approved of this."

you gawk at him, bewildered, "vil, i told you it was only for a month."

"no. i won't allow it. you're not leaving me, [name], not after all the effort i've been putting in to make you so perfect."

"you can't tell me what to do," you retort.

he stares at you for a moment, unnervingly quiet and calm, before raising an eyebrow, "if you're going to be so difficult..."

you don't reply this time, opting to walk away instead.

after that incident, you don't think you'll see vil again for a while. however, he approaches you after your classes end with a sightly irritated expression and a flask in his hand.

"for you."

"what is this?" you frown at the inconspicuous bottle.

he sighs, "i'm sorry for how i acted. this is a tea i made for you," at your questioning look, he rolls his eyes, "it helps with sleeping better too."

you suddenly feel self-conscious again - were your dark circles so obvious that he could tell you weren't sleeping well? nonetheless, you accepted the drink. it wouldn't hurt if you could sleep better.

"take it before you go to bed," he says. you thank him stiffly, still unsure of what he was trying to do.

back in your room, you twist open the cap and look inside. the drink itself is not too dark, and smells rather pleasant. without thinking much of it, you down the contents quickly, wondering if it will really help you sleep. after a few minutes, you start to feel drowsy. ah, it's really working, and working fast. soon, you can't stand up straight. you're far too tired now, your eyelids feel heavy and your head is spinning. your fingers are numb at the tips and you slur around your words. was it supposed to do this? desperately trying to grasp something, you blindly reach out, but to no avail. the world darkens and your mind starts to shut down. something inside you is desperately telling you to fight the feeling, but the idea of a long, much-needed rest wins you over.

vil stops by your room a couple minutes later with rook in tow. he glances at your unconscious figure curled up on the floor and leans over, grazing your cheek. with a cold smile, he lifts you up and walks out the door. when you wake up, you'll find yourself in his room again, unable to move or speak, just like he wants you. maybe then, you'll finally learn what a grave mistake it was to ask vil the question that sealed your fate.

when you asked epel to fake date you, you were expecting him to start laughing at how ridiculous the request was.

there could be worse people to ask, people who'd do more than laugh. epel was a friend - although the two of you weren't too close, you felt like you could rely on him more than you could anyone else at the nrc. honestly, you didn't know if there was anyone else you could ask. epel, who risked getting scolded by vil to hang out with you just a little longer, epel, who listened to your rants, epel, who stuck by your side ever since you entered nrc - there was nobody you'd trust more than him. despite all that, you knew this was asking too much.

you weren't expecting him to agree.

"boyfriend?!" epel looks stunned for a moment, before clearing his throat, "sure, i guess."

you're pleasantly surprised, but don't show it. instead, you tell him, "thanks, epel. i can't thank you enough."

he only reaches out to squeeze your hand lightly in response, looking away with flushed cheeks. you're taken aback for a moment - he's never acted like this before. regardless, you squeeze back, and his face lights up in a way that warms your heart. you think that this little act wouldn't be too terrible.

it wasn't that bad at all, until - until epel started acting strange. his usual greeting to you turned into a little kiss on the cheek, his name for you was some cute endearment you hadn't expected him of all people to use, his arm was always around yours, interlocked fingers. you whispered to him that he didn't need to do anything if he wasn't comfortable, but he only looked at you with a confused expression.

"but this is what couples do, yanno?"

and he was right - even if you're not a real couple, keeping up appearances was important. there was only a month left, and epel wasn't really going too overboard - even if his grip on you tightened ever so slightly when someone else talked you just a little too friendly, and even if you overheard him threatening some of the lowerclassmen to stay away from [name]! when they hung around you too much for his liking - you could handle it.

you could handle his uncharacteristic clinginess (only a few more weeks, you tell yourself), you could handle his little gifts (you don't ask him how he manages to place them inside your room), you could handle him scaring away all your friends (you can't call it off now...not after all this time, you think. a few more days and then- it'll be back to normal)

after the month is up, you cautiously shrug off epel's arm around your shoulder and attempt to make your grimace look more like a smile.

"epel," you say, "it's alright now. we don't need to keep this up."

he looks more perplexed than you'd have thought, "what do you mean?"

"i mean, we don't have to pretend to be dating. it's all resolved now. thanks for your help."

"pretend?" he scowls, "what, so my feelings don't mean anything?"

you're not sure what to say in response. weren't you clear that you had only needed him to play along for a little while? your lack of response only helps in angering him further.

"so...you never cared?"

before you can try to explain yourself (but what is there to explain?) epel storms off.

it's weird how nobody seems to notice you now. your old friends don't respond to your messages, and sometimes, they blatantly ignore you when you try to talk to them in class. perhaps, if you looked closer, you might have seen the way they trembled when you approached them, you might have spotted the frightened, wide-eyed looks they shot epel when he walked past, and maybe you would have realized it was never your fault.

you're sitting alone again, feeling invisible amongst the crowd. quietly, you let your eyes wander. how was it that everyone seemed to go on with life as if you never existed? suddenly, you feel a presence behind you, and you slowly glance back.

"hi," epel waves at you awkwardly. his eyes are trained on the floor, as if he was nervous, "...i noticed you're sitting alone?"

you just shrug, not wanting to respond.

"even if you have nobody," he says, eyes looking into yours, instantly shining with emotion, "i'll always be here with you, [name]."

you want to tell him that you only need a friend, not whatever he wants to be. you want to ask him if it's his fault nobody talks to you anymore. but the feeling of being seen and cared for, after being ignored for these painful days, overrules your logical thinking. finally, someone was looking at you and talking to you like you weren't a ghost.

and so, when epel wraps his arms around you, you can't find yourself to move away. immediately, all eyes are on the both of you, despite nobody even glancing your way just moments ago, and the crushing embarrassment and confusion freeze you in place. what was he doing? why were they all looking?

"put me before everyone else," he whispers into your ear, "and i promise everything will go back to how it was."

you feel yourself relax into his embrace, and wonder if it was worth it. whether or not he keeps his promise, you had no choice. it was him or nobody at all. friend or not, you should have known better than to ask him.

yes this is unedited bc i want to update at least once a week :D sorry pls ignore mistakes i am tired :( the person who requested this was really sweet so i hope u like it <3

#yandere twst #yandere twisted wonderland #yandere kalim #yandere vil #yandere epel #yandere kalim x reader #yandere vil x reader #yandere epel x reader #kalim x mc #kalim #vil x reader #vil #epel x reader #epel #yandere #yandere x reader #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #yandere ff #req 🐟 #twst 🐟 #kalim 🐟 #vil 🐟 #epel 🐟 #fic 🐟

[unfinshedsentec]

headcanons|| when you get jealous

ahhhh, I had so much fun writing this!!!

also, I got my phone taken away, and now that it’s gone, I want it a billion times more😭😭

tw: mentions of sexual harassment, cursing, mentions of cheating, toxicity

character pairings: Mikey, Baji, Chifuyu, Haitani brothers x reader

word count: 3.2k+

 Mikey

v “ Fuckkkkk”, you said, staring at the test below you. For the life of you, you just couldn’t focus on your damn math test that you needed to focus on, and it didn’t help that you were already so drained from your very……unique morning

v  You see, today had been very ruff for you because Draken got sick, meaning you were left alone to take care of Mikey

v  You, of course, loved your boyfriend, but he was very……needy to say the least, and it was absolutely exhausting to take care of him

v  And because of this, almost all your energy was drained just from taking care of him, and now you were stuck doing this test that you could barely stay awake through

v  Ironically enough though, you were so exhausted that the only thing you wanted was to see and cuddle with your boyfriend

v  Being in his arms was the only thing in the world that could comfort you, and that was exactly what you needed right now

v  So, when you finally managed to push through your test and finish it, you immediately rushed to Mikey’s classroom

v  But when you got there, you saw something you didn’t expect

v  And you sure as hell didn’t like what you saw

v  Because what you saw in front of you was a random girl flirting with your boyfriend, who clearly was clearly uncomfortable

v  The girl was twirling her hair, blowing him kisses, talking to him with an annoyingly high-pitched flirty voice, you know, all the classic flirts

v  But when you saw her touching him, you almost blew up on the spot

v  Because not only was she touching your boyfriend, but he was clearly uncomfortable with it and didn’t like it, as Mikey even told her to get off, but she didn’t listen and continued flirting

v  The moment you saw that, you decided to confront the girl, and you stormed your way over to Mikey and her

v  “Excuse me?”, you said, giving her a very strained smile. Mikey on the other hand, looked up at you in pure excitement and relief

v  “Ughhh…. what do you want?”

v  “Just what do you think you’re doing with Mikey?”

v  “Umm…. he obviously likes me….so I’m giving him a little……. something”, the girl said, smirking at you

v   “Hahaha, him…. like you? That’s fucking hilarious”

v  “Well, he does. Gosh………… you don’t have to be such a jealous bitch”

v  You could feel your anger burst the moment she said that. How could she say that so cockily, to you, Mikey’s s/o? You absolutely couldn’t believe that

v   You were so angry in the moment, that you couldn’t hold yourself back, and you grabbed the girl’s collar, and pulled her up towards your face, choking her

v  “Listen here you little shit……. Mikey is my boyfriend and you have no right to flirt with guy who clearly doesn’t like you and is dating someone else. So…. if I ever see you looking at him again, I swear I will slit your throat right open…….got it?”

v  The girl immediately gave you a horrified expression, as she looked into your infuriated eyes. “Y-y-yes……I won’t do it again!!”

v  “Good, now hell out of my sight”, you said before shoving her out the door.

v  You only stared at her as she ran away, making you sigh in relief. Well, that was until Mikey spoke…...

v  “Y/nnnnnnnn”, Mikey said, gaining your attention.

v  “oh god………what?”

v  “You totally just snapped out of jealousy!!!”

v  “Fuck off”, you said, not wanting to put up with his shit

v  “Don’t worry…. I think you look super sexy when you act like that”, he said, winking at you

v  “W-what?!”, you said, with a bright red hue on your cheeks.

v  “Hahahaha!!! This is amazing!!!!!”

v  And from that day on, Mikey never let that situation go and he brought it up “how badass his s/o was”, every single day for the rest of your lives………….

 Baji

v  The dirt crunched under your feet as you walked along the trail that trailed all over the park

v  For you, today was an amazing day, as you were not only going over to your boyfriend’s apartment later, but you also had just bought your favorite ice cream, only making you happier than you already were

v  The bright smile on your face only showed your happiness as you walked through the peaceful park

v  But what made you even happier was seeing Baji himself, casually sitting on a bench in the very same park

v  You immediately noticed him, and started running up to him, hoping to be able to spend even more time with him today

v    But as you got closer to him, you ended up seeing an unfamiliar blonde girl approach him with 2 different cones of ice cream

v  And to your surprise and anger, Baji got up with the girl, put his arm around her and casually walked around the park with her

v  You were furious at this

v  You loved and trusted your boyfriend, but that certainly wasn’t normal, so, you decided to follow them to see if anything else strange happened

v  Unfortunately, you were also too shy and scared to confront them, so following them around was also the only thing you could bring yourself to do

v  Your footsteps quietly mirrored theirs as you followed behind them from a distance

v  And the longer you followed the pair, the weirder things they did

v  They held hands, they hugged, they got way to close for comfort……Baji even slapped her ass

v  And to say you were infuriated was an understatement, but no matter how mad you were, you were even more heart broken

v  You trusted Baji more than anyone else in the world, but he took that trust and shattered it into pieces

v  And anymore, you couldn’t stand looking at them, it just hurt you so much

v  So, you got up, and went home

v  The whole time on the way home, you were crying your eyes out, even to the point that you couldn’t even breathe

v  And by the time you got home, you were so exhausted, and heartbroken that as soon as your head hit the pillow, you immediately passed out on your bed……….

v  An all too familiar ringing sound suddenly went off, scaring you and waking you up

v  You groaned as you reached towards the small metal box to see who would be calling you, only to be shocked at the name that popped up on your screen

v  Because the name that was there, was your boyfriends

v  Having found out that he was cheating, you obviously ignored him, but Baji was…...stubborn

v  And he kept calling you……non-stop. After a while of the annoying ringing, you just gave in and finally decided to answer him

v  “……what?”

v  “Where are you?! You said you’d come over at 5!!”

v  “Huh? Why that hell would I come over to see you?”

v  “Uhhhh…because we made plans?”

v  “Well those plans went out the window when you CHEATED ON ME!!!!!!”, you said, letting your rage take over.

v  “…….Pardon?”

v  “Don’t act so damn clueless. I saw you in the park with that blonde chick earlier!! You slapped her ass and all!! You absolutely disgusting cheater!!!”

v  “The park……you saw me at the park…...?”

v  “Yeah asshole, you can’t hide it from me anymore!!”

v  “OH FUCK!! HAHAHAHA”, he said, laughing his ass off.

v  “DON’T YOU FUCKING LAUGH!! THIS ISN’T FUNNY!!!!”

v  “Y/N!!!!! THAT “GIRL” WAS CHIFUYU!!!”

v  Silence came from your side of the phone as you sat their absolutely bewildered

v   “what…...? Last time I checked, Chifuyu had a….penis”

v  “He was dressed up as a girl for some weird thing Mikey wanted us to do! He hated it and it was fucking hilarious!!!!”

v  The shame you felt in that moment was immeasurable. You couldn’t help but bury your face in the middle of your blankets, purely out of embarrassment

v  “You got jealous over CHIFUYU!!!!!!!”, he said, still berating you

v  “Stop!!! It’s not funny!!!”

v  “IT IS!!! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!”

v  And from that day on, Baji made fun of you for that. Even on your wedding day, he teased you for it, and would continue to for the rest of eternity……….

Chifuyu

v  A happy giggle escaped your mouth as you walked through the shopping area with your best friends

v  You were having so much fun with them that you genuinely couldn’t stop laughing, and you all even kicked out if some stores for being so obnoxious

v  But you couldn’t care less, you were just enjoying yourself so much, and even better, tomorrow was your 6 months with your boyfriend, Chifuyu, and you were ecstatic to say the least

v  You and Chifuyu had amazing plans to go to an amusement park and celebrate your 6 months

v  And you were so excited to go on all the different rides, eat the many different types of food, and see the huge, beautiful fireworks

v  If only you knew that not even 5 minutes later, your life would do a complete flip…….

v  Because as you ended your shopping day and started heading home, you saw a familiar poof of blonde hair standing in front of one of the shops windows

v  You weren’t sure if it was your boyfriend, but you decided to check anyways, just to be sure, so you walked up to the spot you saw the blonde hair, only to see Chifuyu

v  Once you realized it really was your boyfriend, you immediately started running up to him, but as you got closer, you saw something strange

v  Chifuyu seemed to very intently focusing on something inside the shop. Originally, you didn’t think too much about and thought he just saw something he liked, but the closer you got, the more you saw

v  And as you came up behind him, you saw he was staring at a man that you had never met

v  Even worse, he ended up being so concentrated on staring at the guy, that he didn’t even notice that you were right behind him, and instead continued staring

v  This wouldn’t have concerned you so much, if it wasn’t for the fact that when the guy left the store, Chifuyu started following him

v  And it was at this point that you became extremely concerned

v  Not only was your boyfriend stalking someone, but he was stalking someone when he’s dating a different person

v  And you were honestly scared of that

v  But being the bitter person you were, you decided to follow Chifuyu longer, just to see how long it would take him to notice you

v  And after an hour of following him, and him not noticing you, you had enough, and you let your rage take over

v  “……. Chifuyu…….”, you said, sadistically

v  “Y/n?! W-when did you get here?”, he said, nervously turning around

v  “Oh, I’ve been here for……. awhile”

v  “You have?!”

v  “Yeah……. If you don’t mind me asking………why are you stalking someone?”

v  “WHAT?! STALKING?!”

v  “Oh……don’t deny it asshat, we both know what you were doing”

v  “N-no!! You’ve got it wrong!!”

v  “……. Is that so? Because I literally saw you stalking that guy”, you said, pointing to the guy he was following

v  “NO!!! That’s my friend, and he’s about to ask a girl out, so I followed him to see what would happen!!!”

v  “That’s bullshit, because I don’t see a girl around”

v  “Really!! See, he’s asking her now!!!”, he said, pointing to the now seemingly couple

v  And you froze as you saw them, because not only had you just gotten angry at Chifuyu for no reason, but you were also jealous, and that was something you absolutely hated…….

v  “fuck……”, you muttered. A smirk appeared on Chifuyu’s face as he realized what happened

v  “You were jealous…….”

v  “No, I wasn’t!!!!”

v  “You were!!!!! That’s so cute!!!”

v  Although the boy in front of you was teasing you for your jealousy, you were secretly breathing a sigh of relief as because, as it turned out……your boyfriend wasn’t some creepy-ass stalker

 Rindou Haitani

v  The city buzzed as you and your boyfriend walked around hand-in-hand, shopping for some things, with his brother, Ran, trailing not far behind

v  It was truly peaceful, being able to spend time with your boyfriend, despite the older Haitani brother being there

v  But you loved spending time with the duo, so you were really happy to be here

v  Ohhhhhh, if only that peace and happiness lasted, because it sure didn’t last long

v  Because as you were walking around, suddenly, a high-pitched female voice came from behind you

v  “Rin Rinnnnn, is that youuuuu?”

v  The both of you only turned around in response, only to see a beautiful blonde-haired, green-eyed girl running towards you, or Rindou

v  The purple eyed male beside you only groaned as he saw the girl. “……. fucking great”

v  “Rin rin, I missed you soooo much”, she said, shoving you onto the ground, and clinging onto Rin’s chest

v  You immediately felt yourself get infuriated at this chick, because not only did she shove you away from your boyfriend, but she was also being………weird with him

v  And clearly, his reaction wasn’t normal, because he literally looked at her like she was a rat

v  “Get off me Brittany”

v  “Awwww c’mon…….it can’t hurt to have some fun together………just like old times”

v  Just like old times?! You could literally feel your brain explode from pure anger hearing that, because this chick was seriously trying to have sex with your boyfriend

v  “Seriously, get the fuck off me, I don’t want you near me or my s/o”

v  “S/o….?”

v  “Yeah…. fucking me”, you said finally standing up and walking beside the Brittany girl

v  “Oh…..don’t tell me this is who your dating now……”

v  “Yeah he is…….so you better fucking leave”

v  “Why would I do that……Afterall, I can’t leave Rin rin with someone like you”

v  You could feel something snap inside you………and you must of let your anger take over you

v  Because when you heard those words, you ended up raising your fist up, and punching the girl in the face, hard

v  She fell onto the ground from the pure impact of your punch, and it was them that you saw your chance to get away from her

v  So, you grabbed your boyfriends’ hand and dragged him away from the bitch, but as you turned around to look at him, you saw that he held one of his very rare smirks

v  “oh no……. what’s up with you”

v  “I’m quite impressed at your……. sexy jealous”

v  “….sexy?”

v  “Mhmmm……. you look hot when you get all angry like that”

v  The all too familiar feeling of a blush came onto your cheeks as you looked away from your smirking boyfriend in embarrassment

v  “Ewwwwww………you guys are so gross”, a voice suddenly said from behind you

v  It was only then that both you and Rin remembered that Ran was following you that whole time

v  “Go fuck yourself Ran”, Rindou said in response, starting another argument with his brother

v  You could only happily sight as you watched the brothers yell at each other, you wouldn’t say it, but you were happy

v  Because not only had you protected the all too famous Rindou Haitani, but he also called you sexy……

v  And that made you so giddy and happy

 Ran Haitani

v  You shivered as you leaned back and watched your boyfriend, Ran, beat up another person

v  You see, earlier today, you decided to visit Ran and his younger brother, Rindou, but as you were visiting them in their luxurious area, another gang suddenly appeared and that led to the current fight they were having

v  Of course, you loved watching your boyfriend fight with his cocky smile and all, it made him look really sexy, but you still couldn’t help but worry about him

v  He was in a fight, and he was fighting some really strong guys, and you were really worried for his safety

v  But what worried you even more was the very unique feature of this gang, which was the fact that there was a woman in it, who was also currently fighting Ran

v  You were happy that woman were starting to appear and show there strength in gangs, but this particular girl was strange……

v  Because as she was fighting him, she was also flirting with your boyfriend

v  Every time Ran would hit her, she would blush and ask for more, like it was a kink, she continuously tried throwing herself onto him in an odd way, and even worse, she even bluntly asked him if he wanted to leave with her

v  And you were very uncomfortable with all of this to say the least

v  You were so uncomfortable, that you couldn’t even look at Ran himself, even though it wasn’t his fault, it was just your mind making you feel worse

v  But even with all of this, you still went with Ran and took care of his wounds whenever the fight ended

v  “Did you see how fucking badass and sexy I looked out there? I bet you couldn’t resist me”

v  Nothing

v  “Do you wanna cuddle tonight?”

v  Nothing

v  “Can we get some candy later? It’s almost Halloween and I wanna buy some candy before those kids have a chance to get some”

v  Still nothing

v  “Y/N?”

v  “Are you speechless from my hotness”

v  “……..”

v  “Uhhh….are you alright?”

v  “I’m fine”, you mumbled

v  “What?! Listen, I’m not exactly good at reading people, but I can tell when something is wrong with you, so, what’s up?”

v  You looked up at his face, only to see a rare, truly worried expression on his face as he looked at you. He cupped your cheeks and brought you closer to him, hoping it would help comfort you

v  “It’s just…….don’t you think that girl you were fighting was….strange?”, you quietly said, looking away from your boyfriend.

v  “Ohh…that weird chick”

v  “Yeah……did you like the way she….maybe sort of flirted with you”

v  “Ewww…no, I hated her. I beat her ass for a reason”

v  You couldn’t help but smile at your boyfriend’s response, and as you looked back up at him, you pecked his lips

v  “Thanks Ran”

v  “……what?”

#tokyorev #tokyorev x reader #tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers x reader #manjiro x reader #manjirosanoxreader #mikeysanoxreader #mikeysano #keisuke baji #bajikeisukexreader #baji keisuke #keisuke baji x reader #chifuyu matsuno #chifuyu matsuno x reader #chifuyu x reader #headcanons #ran haitani #ran haitani x reader #rin haitani #rindou haitani #rindou haitani x reader #haitani x reader #haitani brothers

[mypoisonedvine]

The Wrong Idea | Lee Bodecker x reader

summary: you weren’t exactly a rebel in the eyes of the law, but that didn’t mean you cared for the corrupt, alcoholic town sheriff.  and that certainly didn’t mean you would care at all for him marrying your mother.  if only you’d known how much worse it could get...

word count: 4.5k

warnings: smut!! (heavy dubcon/noncon), age gap (reader is 19), stepcest, loss of virginity, pain kink, creampie kink, infidelity, degradation, oral (m and f receiving), spanking, choking, slapping, daddy kink, authority kink, subtle ddlg themes?, reader’s mom being toxic af

You’d never cared for the Sheriff.  Even you, being generally a well-behaved young woman, thought he was a little too intense and a little too corrupt.  Up until now, you’d assumed your mother agreed with you on that, because she never protested to your complaints about Sheriff Bodecker and his ‘fascist reign of terror’ as you called it.  Apparently that was a poor assumption, though.

“You… what?!”

“I never told you we were seein’ each other because I knew you had your childish rebellion against him and his police force,” your mother explained with a demeaning eyeroll.  “But now that we’re engaged, I can’t hide it anymore.”

“How long has this been going on?” you asked quietly, still in shock at what you were hearing— and unable to take your eyes off of the sparkling diamond wrapped around her finger.

“Oh, I’d say… about two months now,” she decided.

“Two—” you stopped and started over, so bewildered that you couldn’t finish your original sentence.  “You’re engaged after two months?”

“Don’t make that face at me, you look so ugly when you scowl like that,” she frowned.  Of course, she could never miss an opportunity to nag you.  “He’s a respectable man, and he treats me well.  The wedding is in three weeks— and he’s generous enough to let you live with us after that.  Says there’s a spare bedroom for you in his house.”

“His… his house…” you slurred, suddenly feeling light-headed.  “I’m… we’re moving…?”

“Yes, honey, and with your work ethic it’ll take you the whole three weeks to pack up, so you should start now,” she informed you with that cruel, fake smile of hers.

She walked away as you sat down on the couch, staring off into space, trying to comprehend what you just heard.  It’s not like you thought your mother was flawless or anything, or that you and her had a perfect relationship, but you thought she would’ve been a little more… gentle about all this.  She could do better than him anyways!  But she didn’t care about that, only money and status.  You could almost laugh at her small-mindedness to think the Sheriff of a nothing-town like Knockemstiff was actually plentiful in either of those things, but right now you couldn’t laugh.  You couldn’t even cry as you packed your things and said goodbye to the home you’d known your whole life.  You were just numb.

//

You couldn’t look him in the eye when you arrived at his house, duffel bags in hand and shoes stained with the dry red dirt of summer.  It was nicer than your old place, and if it were anyone else’s you’d say it had charm, but everything was tainted because you knew it was his.  You could sort of tell that this had been his bachelor pad for a while, but it had a half-assed attempt at hominess with the rug in the living room and a centerpiece on the kitchen table.  He even had a TV, presumably funded by bribes and all his other nefarious dealings— meaning you wouldn’t be able to bring yourself to watch it.

“Nice to meet ya, properly,” Lee greeted, though his monotone didn’t come across as particularly impassioned.

“Thank you, Sheriff,” you mumbled quickly, hoping to get this conversation over with.

“You don’t have to call me Sheriff anymore, you know.  Not in the house, at least.”

You nodded but said nothing, following him as he motioned for you and moved into the hallway.  You trailed behind him, noticing the eerie lack of any personal effects on the walls (no family photos, apparently, and not much of a family to photograph in the first place from what you’d heard), and stopped when he reached the door at the end.

“This is your room,” Lee informed you stiffly.  Opening the door, you were horrified by the assault on your eyes of pink.  Pink everything: pink wallpaper, a pink fuzzy quilt, pink bedframe.  There were even assorted stuffed animals on the bed, disturbingly enough.

“When my mother told you she had a daughter, did she not mention that I was grown?”

“You may be nineteen, honey, but you’re nowhere near grown,” he scowled.  “She didn’t tell me she had a daughter until two days before the weddin’.  This is what I managed to... improvise, since then.”

You almost had sympathy for him, just in that you two were both victims of your mother’s eccentricity.  Almost.  

“Must’ve inherited your expensive taste from your ma,” he frowned.  “Sorry, princess—” the nickname made his lips curl like the word itself tasted sour— “but this’ll have to do.”

“Oh, I’m nothing like her,” you sneered back, “cause I wouldn’t touch you with a ten foot pole.”

“What are you two chatting about?” your mother’s voice called from the kitchen.

Both of you answered at the same time: “Nothing!” 

With a grimace, you dragged your bag into the room and shut the door in his face.  It was those little acts of rebellion that had to tide you over.  You weren’t audacious enough to do anything actually cruel, or illegal, but you weren’t going to make this any easier for him.

At first it was just refusing to leave your room.  That worked for a week, until you realized you were going to starve to death.  So then the only times you saw him were at the dinner table, which you made into a protest by pretending he didn’t exist and refusing to answer his questions.  You occasionally relented when he asked you to pass something from your side of the table, but you never looked at him while you did it.  

He didn’t seem angry or sad about your determination to avoid him, if anything it seemed like he was happy to pretend you weren’t there either.  And that should’ve made it easier, but for some reason it bothered you even more.  You realized that maybe his attention did matter to you, even though it was negative attention that you were hoping to inspire, but you knew that was ridiculous and you tried to fight it.  Still, for all your plans to never see him, you sure did think about him a lot.  You thought about where he might be, so you could be somewhere else.  You thought about what he must be doing at work, and how he was probably continuing to be a nasty mean drunk as frequently as possible.  You wondered if he and your mother were making love just across the house, although you were lucky enough to never hear anything.  Just knowing that could be happening made you feel sick, even though you realized it was none of your business.  

You sometimes found yourself listening for it at night, just in case.

//

Your mother had decided to spend her new husband’s money on a trip, but the man himself couldn’t tag along— too much work to do, apparently.  The prospect of being left alone with him was nightmare fuel, but you didn’t even try to ask her to stay… you knew she wouldn’t listen.  She’d been totally absorbed in her own world since the wedding, seeming to be very fulfilled by the social role of ‘Sheriff’s wife’ to the point that she had lost all interest in her former position as ‘your mom’.  

There was a balance to the silence with her gone, though.  You avoided him, he avoided you; it was a tense truce, but a survivable one.  At least without her, nobody was going to try to make you two get along.  Friday night was different, though.  This time when he came home from work, you knew you were stuck with him until Monday morning.  That thought made you realize that you needed to get out and you didn’t care if you weren’t dressed for it.  It was hot, and it was just a walk so nobody was going to see you in this miniskirt anyway, right?

Too bad Lee was sitting on the couch, still in his uniform, not giving you any mind but likely to harass you before you could make it outside.  You figured if you just walked casually enough, he wouldn’t even notice, so you made your way towards the door.

“You’re not going out like that,” he announced suddenly, seemingly without even looking up from his newspaper.

“Says who?” you deflected quickly with a raised brow.  It wasn’t that you wanted to pick a fight, but you just couldn’t understand why he would even care what you were wearing.

“Says the guy who doesn’t want you to give all the neighborhood boys the wrong idea.”

“What idea?!” you asked, crossing your arms.  He shot you a look, quickly raking in your body and outfit which made you feel more observed than you cared for.

“The idea that you’re a slut,” he explained coldly.

You gulped at his words but tried to keep a poker face.  You didn’t let it get this far just to give up.  You were so sick of his shit; what made him think he could boss you around when he’d never even tried to get to know you?

“What makes you assume that’s the wrong idea?” you shot back, fighting the nervousness in your voice.

You hadn’t expected him to stand up instantly, the coffee table wobbling a bit when his knee bumped into it.

“The fuck did you say?” he hissed.

With his teeth bared at you he looked like a predator, and you felt like small, helpless prey.  You tried to muster some of your former confidence, but everything came out shaky and weak.  “I— I said that maybe it’s not the wrong ide—”

He pounced, crossing the room and slamming you back against the wall, a hand at each shoulder; you instantly cowered, shrinking back and turning your face away from him as far as you could.  You never thought he’d put his hands on you like this.  Your heart was pounding so loudly that you were surprised you could hear his hoarse whisper.

“Watch your tone with me.  I’m not kidding around.”

“I’m an adult,” you weakly fought back, “I can do what I want.”

“Not in my fuckin’ house you can’t!” he bellowed.

For some reason, it all hit you at once.  All the emotions you’d been suppressing since your mother had gotten engaged— all the anger and fear and betrayal and indignation, they came bubbling up before you could stop them.  

“I don’t even want to be in your ugly fucking house!” you cried in response.  “I don’t wanna be anywhere near you!  You’re a fascist and a tyrant and a pig!”

You expected him to get more aggressive but he suddenly stilled.  It was the scariest anger, that outwardly-calm type that made your blood go cold.

“Go to your room.”

You didn’t question it, turning to walk away (any excuse to get away from him, right?), but you didn’t expect him to follow you in and shut the door behind the both of you.

You were paralyzed with fear as he stepped past you and sat on your bed.  It was sort of strange as you realized you’d never seen him in your room before.  He stood out against the somewhat childish decorations, but you were in no mood to appreciate the humor of the situation as he patted his knee.

“Lay across my lap.  Don’t make me tell you twice.”

He couldn’t possibly be doing what I think he’s doing, could he? you wondered to yourself, but did as he asked.  You realized you’d never been so close to him before, the warmth of his body radiating through his clothes.  He smelled like cologne and booze, although you didn’t think he’d actually had much to drink yet today— at least compared to his normal habits.  It was almost worse to think that he wasn’t acting on drunkenness now.

“It’s prob’ly too late for it, but you are in serious need of discipline, young lady.”

You had no idea what he was talking about, but your body reacted to it differently than you expected.

His fingers slipped between the top of your skirt and your skin, having to pull pretty hard to get it down due to how tight it was.  You bit your lip and hoped he wouldn’t notice your arousal, but as your pussy was exposed, you could feel the breeze from the ceiling fan and you knew you were undeniably wet.  You didn’t know why, but you were.

“Count them for me,” he instructed coldly and before you could ask what you were counting, he brought his hand down firmly.  You felt his wedding ring in the slap and it made you feel a little sick.

“O-one,” you stammered.

He delivered four more, alternating cheeks, and you tried not to react with visible pain.  But as the intensity increased, you realized that not reacting might’ve actually been making it worse.  Either way, you couldn’t stop yourself from crying out when the eighth made your whole body lurch forward from the force.

“Eight!” you squealed, but both of you noticed the way you pushed your hips forward.  Unintentional as it may have been, you were trying to rub yourself on his thigh, desperate to be touched where it felt like all the energy of your body had focused.  You were sure you’d never been so horny before, and now your clit was nearly throbbing.  What the fuck is wrong with me?!

He quickly delivered the final two slaps before grabbing your neck, hoisting you up until you were on your knees before him.  He examined your face closely and you tried to keep your lip from shaking.

“You’re worse than I thought,” he hissed.  “You are in dire need of a punishment.  You should thank me for going so easy on you so far.”

You realized when his grip on your jaw tightened that he was being literal.  “Thank you, for going easy on me…”

“Where’d that fire go, huh?  Guess you’re all talk,” he laughed.  

He roughly shoved his fingers into your mouth, moaning lowly as your tongue rubbed against the pads of his fingers.  “This fuckin’ mouth.  You just don’t know when to keep it shut, do you?  Come on baby, open up.  I’ve got a better use for it than your fuckin’ disrespectful attitude.”

He used his free hand to work on his belt right in front of your face, and your eyes went wide.

“Don’t act so surprised sweetheart,” he said with a hint of irritation, “this is exactly what you’re asking for.”

You gasped a bit when his cock was freed from his trousers, springing up and already red at the tip.  You’d never seen one this close before and it was intimidating in every way.

“Like what you see?  You’re so wet for it,” he purred.  You tried to speak but words abandoned you. 

It was all a blur as he held your mouth open and shoved his cock inside— it tasted like skin and salt, and the size made your chapped lips crack until you worried they would bleed.  His moans were deep and gravelly, making your skin break out into goosebumps as he pumped smoothly into your pliant mouth.  He slapped your face a few times, not quite hard but plenty strong enough to make it sting.  You winced with each impact, the tears which had welled from your gagging finally falling down and dripping from your chin.

“Suck on it, princess, like a popsicle… fuck yeah, like that,” he groaned, and your mind resisted obeying him but your body was completely at his mercy.  “Aw baby, ya look so good chokin’ on my cock.  Is that what you were gonna go do in this slutty little outfit you’ve got on?”

You tried to shake your head but he was holding you down, not even giving you a chance to breathe.  His protruding stomach rubbed against your forehead when his cock was this deep in your throat, and the disgust and fear somehow made your arousal stronger.

He let you go, finally, and you pulled back with a gasp and a cough.  You weren’t given much reprieve, though, as he started to tug at your blouse as well.

“No, wait,” you whimpered, weakly trying to bat his hands away.

“Wait?  I think I’ve been waiting long enough,” he growled.  “Your ma’s a fuckin’ tease, hasn’t touched me since I got her that ugly fuckin’ ring.  Let’s hope you learn from her mistakes.”

Your blouse was torn open and tossed aside, leaving you only in the pulled-up skirt and your bra.  Reaching up to cover yourself, you were discouraged by the shockingly-gentle brush of his hands. 

“Don’t cover yourself, sweetheart, you’re gorgeous,” he murmured.  His gaze made you feel hot all over, and it wasn’t just because of the summer weather outside.  “Nobody ever looked at ya before?”

You shook your head, looking down at the floor.  A finger under your chin guided you to look up at him.  

“Nobody ever touched ya before?” he pressed, his stare boring into you.  You shook your head again.  “Fuck,” he whispered, but then he started to smile proudly.  “Knew you were a good girl, princess, you just didn’t wanna act like one for some reason.  You gonna be good for me now?” 

You nodded weakly, swallowing as you tried to comprehend what was happening.  

“Then I’ll be good to you, too,” he promised darkly, a shimmer in his eyes that made you throb between your thighs.  “Come get on the bed, pretty girl.”

You almost resisted, but it was your need driving you now, not your mind.  You had been waiting too long to let a boy touch you, and now that a man had touched you, you felt all kinds of wrong and yet craved more.  Before you had even finished sitting down beside him, he was slipping off your bra and pushing you back onto the quilt.

“Sheriff!” you yelped instinctively, a little disoriented as he started to climb on top of you.

He chuckled, clearly amused by your unexpected appeal to authority.  “Wanna know a secret, sweetheart?  Wanna know the real reason I said you didn’t have to call me that anymore?”  He leaned down, his breath hot and moist against your neck when he spoke: “Because it made me so fuckin’ hard when you said it.”

He pressed his cock, still wet with your spit, against your thigh; maybe just for emphasis, a reminder that he was still hard and wasn’t anywhere near done with you.

“What are you gonna do to me…?” you asked weakly, your voice so wavering and broken that you cringed just hearing it.  

“Just gonna make you feel good, princess,” he smiled, and before you could ask what that would entail, he was groping your tits in his large, calloused hands.  A low groan echoed in his chest, and you tried not to squirm as he teased your nipples between his fingers.  They were already hardening from the moment he’d touched you, but somehow it was getting even worse when he played with them, watching your face and surely seeing the shame you wore there.

His hands trailed lower, rubbing your waist, your thighs… you found yourself anticipating that he’d remove your panties, so much so that when he did, you quickly lifted your hips to help him slide them off.  You couldn’t believe how easily you were letting him do this to you.

“I can tell how much you want it,” he taunted lowly as the fabric slid down your legs and was tossed to the floor.  “I can smell how much you want it.”  He growled a little before diving in, licking a thick stripe through your folds and taking a moment right at the end to tickle your clit with his tongue.  “So fuckin’ sweet, princess; I knew you would be,” he praised.  You were forced to wonder how long he’d been thinking about this.

The noises were beyond obscene and you felt your face burning— but there was a burning in your gut, too, and shooting down your legs.  You’d never felt like this before (being a very good girl who never even touched herself), but you knew that if he didn’t stop, you would come.  And you really, really wanted to come.

Everytime he put pressure on your clit, your leg quivered involuntarily.  It was nearly too much, the sensation so powerful it almost hurt, but he pushed you right to the edge without knocking you off.

“Please,” you found yourself begging before you could stop it, “please, Sheriff—”

“I’m not your Sheriff anymore, sweetheart,” he informed you gruffly, popping up from between your legs with the entire bottom half of his face covered in your arousal, “I’m your daddy now.  Go on and beg your daddy to fuck you.”

Eyes shot wide open, you stared back at him in bewilderment.  Rage flashed in his eyes, and he snarled as his hand suddenly wrapped around your neck, tightening and choking you. 

“You heard me,” he groaned through his teeth.  “Beg me.  To fuck you.”

“Daddy,” you stammered, hoarsely fighting to speak through the pressure on your throat, “fuck me, please.”

He slammed his cock into you and you nearly screamed.  It burned and you instinctively tried to crawl away but, of course, his weight on top of you made it impossible.

“Fuck, you’re so tight,” he groaned.  He laid down on top of you entirely then, slipping his arms under your torso and holding you tightly.

Each thrust made you feel like you had reached your limits, as if you couldn’t be stretched further which was probably true.  And yet, in spite of it (or worse, because of it), you found yourself moaning and writhing under him, even arching your back to make his movements smoother.  He laughed a little as he bit at the shell of your ear.

“You love it, baby,” he moaned, “you love my cock.”

You couldn’t respond, just sob as you clutched at the shirt still on his back, your jaw tight as you tried to bear the pain.  

“It’s not always gonna hurt like this,” he promised between heavy breaths, “s’gonna feel good soon.  Gonna make you feel so fuckin’ good, pretty girl.”

Truthfully, you weren’t sure if that meant that this would happen again or not.  At the moment, you were incapable of thinking that far ahead, too focused on the way the sting of the stretch was melting away and morphing into such powerful pleasure that you couldn’t even see straight.

He kissed you, and only then did the weight of it hit you.  Who he was, what he was doing, what you were doing… it had been distant and vague before, but something about his tongue inside your mouth made you remember that the metal digging into your back was his ring; that the lips on yours were sworn to somebody else— and at that, the one exact person that made this so fundamentally wrong.

Tears welled in your eyes, gentle sobs shaking your chest.

“Don’t cry, baby,” he whispered, pulling back and kissing your tears away, “feels good, don’t it?  Feels good when daddy fucks you?”

You knew speaking would only make you cry more, so you only nodded your head shamefully.

“That’s my good girl,” he moaned as he fucked you deeper, harder, rougher.  Your fingers held onto the back of his neck, running through his hair and pulling him closer.  He kept mumbling praises but they fell on deaf ears, pleasure clouding your mind and making every hair on your body stand upright.  He didn’t stop as he reached down between your bodies and laid his hand over your stomach, growling with satisfaction at what he found there.

“I can feel me inside ya,” he grinned.  “Feel that, sweetheart?  Feel how deep I am in your wet little cunt?”

When you didn’t answer, you got a quick slap to the face.  “Yes,” you replied quickly, “yes, I— I feel it.”

He buried his face into the crook of your neck, biting you there until you nearly screamed.  You couldn’t figure out why something so objectively painful only pushed you closer to your peak, making every spot inside you more sensitive, but somehow it did.

“Gonna come, pretty girl?  Want daddy to fill you up?” he groaned against your ear, pushing down on your stomach even harder.

“Yes, daddy!” you sobbed.  “Please!”

“Fuck, you’re squeezin’ me,” he hissed, “don’t fuckin’ stop.  Keep milkin’ my cock and m’gonna fill ya up so good, princess…”

You couldn’t stop even if you tried— your orgasm hit you in powerful waves, your head falling back as your walls clenched involuntarily (as did your fingers and toes, so hard that your nail tore the sheets a little bit, which you wouldn’t notice until the next day).  He grunted as he came, pumping into you with each thrust until you felt more full than you ever had before, in a way you could never describe.

The two of you stayed like that for a moment, him catching his breath and you losing yours as his weight threatened to crush you.  “Fuck,” he groaned as he sat up and pulled out.  He grabbed your legs and held them up for you, staring at your abused pussy and making you feel uncomfortably observed.

“Push it out for me, wanna see my come leak outta ya,” he purred, moaning a little when you did as he asked.  It felt even hotter as it gushed out of you, and you mindlessly bit your lip.  He tucked his softening cock back into his trousers, rezipping them and buckling his belt.  “We’d better get ya cleaned up, huh princess?” 

The bathroom wasn’t far, so he carried you, setting you down to stand on your own as he started to draw a bath.  You watched him, although you weren’t really watching him so much as staring into the void of space that happened to be in his general direction.  You were so out of it that you didn’t even register when he turned around and smiled at you with an air of pride.

“You look so good like this.”  

It pulled you out of your trance, though you had to ask him to repeat himself with a mumbled “huh?”

“I said you look good like this,” he explained, stepping closer.  “Fucked out, braindead, just my empty-headed fucktoy.”

“I… I don’t…” you began to disagree.

He used your jaw to turn your face to the mirror, and you gasped when you saw yourself: your hair was a mess; your whole face was red, especially your eyes and nose from crying, but plenty on your cheeks where he’d slapped you; your lips were swollen and slick; bruises were already forming on your arms where he’d grabbed you, and along your neck and shoulders where he had bitten you.

His form dwarfed yours as he stood behind you, looking at your reflection with a smile.

“Look at us,” he announced wistfully, “one big happy family, huh?”

#lee bodecker x reader #dark!lee bodecker x reader #lee bodecker smut #lee bodecker x you #lee bodecker x y/n #dark fic

[sukirichi]

earned it [05]

Gojo Satoru is a firm believer that if you work hard for it then you shall earn it. But on the other side, he’s not unfamiliar with his own sins. He also believes that there is punishment due for his sins as he’s earned it.

cw. domestic abuse, car accident, slight angst, sexism, suggestive scenes, unedited and my naoya simping is obvious with this one, 

notes. TEAM NAOYA LET’S GOOOO *sighs* finally got this out from my drafts. anyways, here’s an earned it update while i recover from migraines because my schedule was so hectic last week and i’m so tired, might be sleeping a lot these days hence the hiatus :( also ik i keep saying this but future chapters will finally be more...UH SPICY AND MORE DRAMATIC, I guess? this is mostly an angst fic btw so please don’t expect too much fluff of heartwarming romance. there WILL be romance,,,it just takes some time hehe, anways ENJOY...or not :)

series masterlist

Women were weak. Trained to be voiceless, compliant, and unable to fight – Naoya found them weak.

His own mother was the perfect epitome of that. For years, he’d watched her leave his father’s room with dried tears, wiping them away with the back of her sleeves. When she saw a little Naoya standing at the edge of the hallway, she’d immediately usher him back to his room, her tears replaced with a smile so convincing Naoya wouldn’t have believed she’d been crying if he hadn’t seen it for himself.

Naoya wasn’t stupid. How could he be when day and night, he’s surrounded by tutors, expected to take over his clan and lead them all to a brighter future?

How could he be stupid when he can’t sleep at night, for the screams and cries of his mother, the sound of palm hitting cheek resonating just from the other room, accompanied with the insults directed her way by his own father?

How could he be so stupid when he looked up to his mother – who he believed was the only source of light in the rather desolate walls of their manor – only to see that her beauty faded with each passing day, the brightness of her eyes now filled agony, with pain, with fear? She no longer smiled; not even for him. She no longer came around his room to read him bedtime stories no matter how much Naoya pleaded because he’d gotten tired of reciting scriptures and poetry. She no longer kissed him on the forehead as a morning greeting, opting to stay in the sidelines with her head bowed, acting as if she was a servant and not his mother.

Naoya wasn’t stupid. As the future leader of the Zen’in Clan, it was his duty to hear and see everything, to be wary of everyone around him and to observe. He knew his father abused her. He knew his father hated her, looked down on her, stepped on her at each moment he could. And as if that wasn’t enough, Naoya found out they weren’t married in the first place.

She had been nothing but a mere concubine whose role was to birth an heir. Now that Naoya had come to life, her purpose to live ceased to exist. And people who had no role in the Zen’in estate had no reason to stay any further.

“Mother,” Naoya cried out, tugging at his mother’s sleeve. “Mother, please don’t go, don’t leave me!”

She was crying again; he wished she’d stop doing that, that she’d stop being so weak. He wanted his mother to be strong and fight back, but she’s not even attempting to wipe her tears away this time, displaying her vulnerability and meek self to him. Had his father been there, she’d be scolded again, claiming that Naoya shouldn’t be exposed to behaviors of surrender and weakness.

His mother cupped his face, trying her best to keep the younger version of himself from dangling onto her robes; the expensive, silk material the last evidence she’d ever been a part of them.

“Naoya, baby, it’s okay. You need to grow up strong and be the clan leader, okay?”

“But why do you have to leave? Why do you never fight back?”

“I’m sorry, dear...” was all she said, finally kissing him on the forehead like she’d failed to do so for the past months. Somehow, it didn’t make him feel any better. Instead, Naoya’s cries grows louder with each minute, loud enough that he caught the attention of his manservants who paled at the Young Master’s wails that was sure to displease his father locked inside his study. His mother sent a glance their way that expressed messages he couldn’t yet understand due to his innocence. Strong arms wrapped around his smaller frame until they dragged Naoya away from his mother, the sight of a luggage behind her turning him weak in the knees.

“Remember, Mother always loves you.”

“No!” he fought against their hold. His servants did all they could to not harm the Young Master’s skin, but Naoya was too strong, too desperate that they were unable to hold him back.

Naoya kept running and running, uncaring of the fact his loose robes hindered him from going at full speed. He didn’t stop, even as his servants had trailed after him, desperate pleas for the Young Master to come back falling into deaf ears. His mother had arrived on a nearby bus from the open roads that led outside the Zen’in Estate’s outer gates, her hand frozen on the doors with her head slightly tilted to the side.

That slight moment of hesitance – to look behind or leave everything behind – was what made Naoya stop in his tracks. He breathed hard, sweaty palms on his knees as he silently prayed to the divine beings to bring his mother back, for her to look at him one last time.

But she didn’t.

And Naoya was frozen in his tracks, everything colliding into one crash and burn that he failed to make sense of everything. He stood there and watched his mother hop into the bus, her decision to leave him behind final and irrevocable. What had rung louder then? The way his heart shattered into pieces, or the loud honking of an incoming car that not even his skilled team of guards could protect him from?

Naoya figured it must’ve been the muffled cries of his mother behind the windows that rung the loudest even if he hadn’t heard it.

Until now, he carried the mark his mother left behind; a gnarly scar running inches from his kneecaps that throbs until now. It reminds him every day what could happen to someone once they’re weak, once they’re vulnerable, the horrifying consequence of not being strong enough to face in this world like a huge slap in his face. In a way, he felt grateful for the scar; at least it was proof he’d done his best to run after his mother, and this injury just taught him it was best to face things head on instead of running away.

This scar would always tell him that running away was never the option, and that was why Naoya felt so strong, so disappointed when he met you. Naoya saw much potential in you – the wrath firing in your eyes and the will to fight back is what pulled him in on the first place – and yet you were already trembling on the ground, your sweat dripping on the floor.

“Stand up!” he demanded, tapping his cane on the ground as he wobbled to his feet. “Do you really think being weak will make you survive in this world?”

“I’m trying!”

“You’re not trying hard enough,” he spat out, matching the intensity of your glare. Had you been any lesser of a woman, a servant, he’d have your eyes gouged out. But to him, you were a vessel of hope, an embodiment of strength he could help you hone that he let you off. Still, he felt extremely let down that he expected so much from you, and you’ve been pathetic so far.

Naoya shook his head as he left. “You’re going to die the moment you step out of here. And to think I actually had high hopes for you. As expected, you women are weak and pathetic. Each one of you is useless.”

He didn’t get very far when his injury throbbed again. Naoya fell to his knees and immediately bit down on his lip to conceal his groans, but it was too late. You’ve rushed to him in an instant, already pulling his slacks upwards to get a good look at his knee. Worry is painted all over your features still drenched in sweat and exhaustion, and he pried your hand away, a frown deep on his lips.

“Get away from me. I don’t need a woman’s help.”

“You’re so uptight, you know that?” you rebutted with a roll of your eyes. Naoya watched as you skipped to the nearest medical kit he always kept in his training grounds (which he rarely used) and popping out painkillers to hand to him. “Just shut up and let me take care of you. Unlike you, I don’t walk around calling people weak, and you having this injury never made you weak in my eyes, but you’re not impotent either,” scoffing at him, you pushed the bottle of water to a very annoyed looking Naoya. “At least let me take care of you every once in a while.”

His whole life, Naoya knew nothing but the familiar bitter cold. Being served tea, scaring his servants with his mere presence, the toxic view that everyone was below them drilled into his own head – that had been his life, and his feelings about it were neither hot nor cold.

To him, it was just the way he’s supposed to be.

But the warmth of your hands, the tenderness of your touch to his scars not because you found him weak but rather you cared for him…it tugged at his heartstrings. That had been at least five years ago and Naoya still remembered that moment very clearly.

He couldn’t understand whether he hated his inability to run away or not, because to be around you confused him to no end. One moment, he saw you as nothing but his one way ticket to fortune, but when he was alone with you, he was beginning to see you more as a woman rather than a pawn to his game. Soon, you became more than that, and nothing had terrified him even more that he let someone in his heart just like that.

Did he love you? No, most definitely not. A man like him didn’t know how to love. But with you – every time he saw you – Naoya is confident to admit that he could somehow understand what love meant.

It had been a hellish trip – one he’d never admit it out loud that he wished to never go on again. He was just happy to be home before he laughed, because home? He’d never thought he’d ever say that, yet there he was, beaming at the sight of you pushing your weight off the limousine.

You looked as stunning as usual, running up to him even with your heels before wrapping your arms around his neck. Usually, Naoya didn’t like public displays of affection since it could greatly deter his reputation, but everyone knew both of you weren’t each other’s weaknesses that he didn’t care whether his people could see their leader grinning as his wife welcomed with a kiss. Naoya balanced himself on his cane to encircle a hand to your waist, pulling you closer and burying his face in your hair.

“I missed you,” you mumbled with your head buried in his shoulder.

Naoya’s smile wasn’t any less affectionate. “I missed you more.” And he did – a whole lot. Even as you both made it inside the limousine, the tablet passed to him per the usual to update him on what happened on the few days of his absence, Naoya couldn’t keep his hands to himself. His cane balanced between his knee and the door, while his free hand intertwined with yours, mindlessly caressing the matching rings that symbolized more trust than love.

“How did it go?” he brought your knuckles up to his lips and kissed it, his attention still focused on today’s stock market. “Did you convince him to lend us the lab?”

“Yes, my love, everything is under control. I told you I had it.”

“Cunning little minx,” he smirked at the confidence and triumph dripping from your voice. Naoya shut his tablet off with a click, hauling you until you were resting on his lap. Giggles erupted beautifully from your lips as you pressed your forehead to his, both your smiles equally mischievous. “Did you sleep with him?”

“No. Satoru is still hopelessly in love with me, so it didn’t really take much to push him to the edge with a few tears and white lies,” you smiled at him, soon dropping from your face when Naoya’s eyes darkened with an unreadable – no, unfamiliar hint of worry behind them. “Naoya,” you caressed his leg, “I don’t care about him anymore, you’ve got nothing to worry about. I just want to survive and put everything behind,” you cupped his face and forced him to look you in the eye, making sure he heard every bit of sincerity in your voice. “You know I love you, right? I’ll follow you to the ends of the earth. Him coming back doesn’t change a thing.”

“I know that,” he said, although deep down, in the dark recesses of his heart, something agonizing stirred within.

You were a smart woman – too intelligent that he may have feared you had he been any lesser – who could easily read through him, but Naoya wanted to be a step ahead of you that he caught your lips to stop you from seeking beneath his soul already. He knew that if you looked a little too close, you’d see everything, and that would be the last thing he wanted.

Snaking his tongue past your lips, he greedily swallowed your moans. Naoya’s touch was possessive as he gripped your thigh, seconds away from ripping off the material of your dress. He only stopped once he saw his driver pale in awkwardness, and he chuckled to himself, squeezing your hips to stop you from grinding on his thigh.  

“You’re always so good for me,” he praised, “I might just reward you once we get home.”

Home. Prior to meeting you, home had been nothing but a word in his extensive vocabulary. Home had been nothing but something that carried a meaning but no significance in his living, but now that he’d met you, home felt familiar. Home smelled like rose-scented shampoos, it resonated of bubbly laughter and curious hands finding its way to its belt. Home…you’d just given him something to lose.

As per the plan, you managed to sneak past Satoru’s defenses. Naoya had once said that your secret weapon was not your tempting nature as a woman, but rather your intelligence that sometimes put his to shame. He’d shamelessly announced his plan to use you again with the goal of taking matters into your own hands, looping Satoru into the picture until you have him wrapped around your finger again.

It turned out to be easier than expected. Truthfully, you wanted to refuse. It wasn’t because you were worried you’d beat yourself in your own game and fall for Satoru again, but because it felt so uncomfortable to hold him like that, to kiss him like that.

Each second you spent with him just served as a painful reminder of how he’d mindlessly pushed you to the side from a failed plan of ‘protecting’ you.

However, you couldn’t complain nor deny Naoya’s wishes. He wanted to use your abilities to the fullest of its extent and bring out your potential. Besides, you trusted him wholeheartedly that you’d never question his motives, even if it included seducing Satoru with crocodile tears and a faux broken heart to get him to bend and move at your will. After all, your will was also Naoya’s, and that was what made the both of you so dangerous together.

Standing here now in Satoru’s laboraty, sending him phoney desperate glances as you clutched your husband’s hand, the game had just begun.

He was giving you both a tour of what you could use from his laboratory, and Naoya had kept silent the whole time. The whole drug manufacturing was more your expertise than his. He simply observed everything with watchful eyes, his gaze darting between Satoru’s longing ones and yours. It was a play pretend of push and pull, everyone in the room except for Satoru unaware that soon, you’d bare your fangs to rip his neck apart, and then you’d stand aside and let Naoya finish the business.

You would’ve laughed had Naoya not tightened his grip on your hand. Both you and Satoru paused as Naoya desperately shushed you up, his eyes wide and floating from one corner to another.

Suddenly, a loud explosion came out of nowhere. The blast crushed half of the building to bare rubble and concrete and you saw nothing but black, inhaled so much smoke that your lungs quivered. The ringing in your ears didn’t stop as you wobbled to unsteady legs, waving the smoke away and coughing whatever filled your system. Satoru was right beside you, his long limbs quicker than yours before he hauled you up, checking to see if you had injuries but you were too scared, too desolate to care for his worry.

For your husband laid under a pile of rubble, an arm and his head the only parts of his body saved from the explosion.

“Naoya!” You screamed and pushed Gojo away, taking your heels off before darting straight to where he was. Jumping from broken debris to one another, your feet scraped and burned with each contact, the ringing in your ears growing louder along with the pounding of your heartbeat.

“Naoya, baby, no!” you tried to pick up the heavy slab of concrete that had crushed his body, tears blurring your vision until Naoya’s blond hair swiveled with his dark clothes. “Don’t leave me, don’t leave me, don’t you fucking dare-”

“Gojo,” he choked out blood. You fell to your knees as you cupped his face and grasped his hand all the while, your entire body shaking. His name kept falling from your lips as you asked him to stand up but he pushed your hand away, not sparing you another glance as he glared at the shock still man behind you. “Take her someplace far – somewhere he won’t find the both of you. It’s T-Toji.”

“No, Naoya, please! I’m not leaving without you!” It was too late. Satoru had easily carried you and threw you over his shoulder, running away from the scene because that was what he was best at. You pounded at his back as the smoke enlarged and covered the entirety of the building that had fizzled with chemicals inside, your husband starting to disappear from view. “Satoru, let me go! We can’t just leave him there!”

“Listen to your husband! He knows what he’s doing!”

As the smoke cleared for a split second, your world stilled. Naoya’s face was smothered with dirt and stains, pain evident on his twisted features, and yet – he was smiling. “Go,” he mouthed, hands outstretched far enough for your matching rings to glint under the sparkling lights. “Live.”

You slumped into Satoru’s arms. It was too late.

You couldn’t comprehend the events that happened afterwards. Satoru had pushed you inside his car before taking off to who knows where. All you knew was that you’d left your husband behind, and you stared emptily at the streets that flashed by, unable to feel or understand anything. It wasn’t until Satoru dragged you out by the wrist and a plane whirring before you snapped you back to life, your feet turning heavy as you plant yourself on the ground.

Satoru looked back at you.

“I’m not going anywhere,” you shook your head, “I’m not leaving him behind, Satoru, he’s all I have. I need to save him – even if it means I die.”

“You’re not going to die,” he starts off slowly. Satoru moves to place his hands down on your shoulders as if to brace you, even going as far as to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, but you couldn’t really listen, not when the plane hummed to life and remnants of the explosion still clung to your skin.

“Listen, Naoya is a smart man, okay? You know that yourself. He’ll survive, you just need to trust that he’ll make it. Now we have to go before Toji catches up to us and we end up all dying here!” he shook you back to life when your sobs overpowered his speech that fell on deaf ears, and you cried harder, much less like a little girl who quivered in his arms. Satoru sighed, perhaps just as broken from seeing you this way. “He told you to live. Naoya isn’t asking you to die for him, he’s asking you to live and if you don’t get on the plane, we can’t fulfill his wish,” he convinced, but you only bit your lip, still looking back at the car. You could steal it – one punch to his nose and you could easily get away, get back to Naoya, until he said, “You love him right? So respect his wishes.”

You love him. You love Naoya. He would’ve wanted me to live. He asked me to live.

That was the only consolation you could give yourself as you allowed Satoru to take you inside. His right hand man, Geto or something, quietly closed the cabin doors behind you. He was making sure his boss was situated, who in turn was fretting over you. All it took was one last warning glare sent Satoru’s way before he backed off, raising his hands in surrender and falling back to his seat.

Sooner than you’d like, the plane had took off, leaving your heart right behind with each passing second. The higher you flew up in the air, the number you became.

“Where are we going?”

“I have a base in Italy. We should be safe there for a while. Gather resources, plan our next move, contact friends...we’ll be fine,” Satoru pinched the bridge of his nose. It was hard to believe things would be fine when he too seemed restless; whatever happened between him and Toji must’ve really left a scar; not that you cared. You huffed away from Satoru and stared outside the windows instead, your heart dropping the farther Japan was becoming. “Hey. You should get some rest. You’ve had a long day.”

“Whatever,” you snapped at him. You couldn’t stand his voice, not even if he’s saved you.

The only thing that mattered now was living up to Naoya’s wish, and as much as you hated it, Satoru was right. You had to hope he would survive.

The chances of him making it out were low, but knowing Naoya, low chances weren’t zero. As long as he had a little bit of something, he would keep pushing. You just had to place your trust in him.

Kissing your dusty ring, you wiped away your tears one last time, eyes shut tight as you chanted over and over, live, live, live for me! Live! Naoya couldn’t give up that easily. You both had a long way to go, still so many places to travel, thousand more enemies to conquer and defeat. He promised you the fun was just beginning and that you’d get your revenge soon, and Naoya never broke his promises. So you had to trust, had no other choice but to believe that soon he’d be right beside you. He may not be able to completely walk anymore, though none of that mattered. You just wanted to be with him again.

You didn’t realize you’d fallen asleep until Satoru’s hushed whispers woke you up. Sitting up straight, you saw him scowling to whoever he’s talking to on the phone. He looked grim, long, slender fingers caressing his forehead as he sighed. Whatever he heard, it couldn’t have been good, and curiosity got the best of you before you could help it.

“What is it?” Satoru stilled at the sound of your voice, having not expected you to be awake. He refused to meet your eyes as he shut his phone. It angered you further and you stalked his way, slapping a palm down the table before him. “I said, what is it?”

“It’s Naoya...” he said through clenched teeth, still refusing to look you in the eye. “He didn’t make it.”

notes. team naoya...let’s go...cry 😭 when I said I would write more gojo x reader scenes and that they’re still the pairing, I meant it, I just had to take a dark route anyways DO YOU GUYS UNDERSTAND WHY IT TOOK SO LONG FOR ME TO UPDATE THIS, I DIDN’T WANT TO DO THIS TO NAOYA BAE 😭 but on the bright side, italy arc is gonna be SHEESH

taglist open (lmk if you want to be added/removed): @sixeyesgojo @shingekiyofeels @q-the-rockaholic @whatthefuckisthatthing @rogueofbullshit @kat-su-ki @kellyyween @sebootyforlife @asshxcm @charlie-xo @aoi-turtle @ladywaifuuwrites @savantsoulfinder @my-reality-is-in-my-head @hannya-quinn @90s-belladonna @tinyfrogsinmybrain @kinekyuroo @evesmores @ambiguous-something @lilith412426 @kakashiharusohma @aizawap @yumeneji @dora-the-grownup @jotazinha @themrsgojo @d34r-s4t4n @marai-t @toji-bee @hai-cool @badsadbby @stesphy @peach-buns-unicorns @misslezah @riri-marley @gracefullyfallinglikeanime @iwaplant​ @mikiminaccch​ | bolder users cannot be tagged

#gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #gojo-satoru-x-reader #naoya x reader #naoya zenin x reader #gojo x reader angst #gojo x reader romance #naoya x reader angst #naoya x reader romance #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen series #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen imagines #gojo x reader imagines #gojo satoru x reader imagines #naoya x reader imagines #naoya zenin x reader imagines #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen romance #jujutsu kaisen angst #jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen x you #sukirichi: earned it #i hate this chapter so much #naoya bae i will bring you back to life in another series just for you

[valdomarx]

Geralt stalks like a beast through the forest, strength and anger rippling beneath his skin and twisting into dark, bitter shapes.

The potions give him the edge he needs to take on larger, more dangerous monsters. But once the killing blow is struck and a trophy claimed, he’s left like this, with poison running through his veins and bile building in the back of his throat.

He feels raw, every nerve exposed, every sensation overwhelming and yet also distant. The Cat has sharpened his senses to flood the dark night with sickly white light, but spots of acute brightness dance in the corners of his vision and every twig cracked underfoot sounds like a thunderclap, reverberating throughout his body.

The Tawny Owl gives him the stamina to fight on long past the point a human would have dropped dead from exhaustion, but it doesn’t take away the tiredness deep in his bones. The weariness weighs on him like a yoke, dragging him down toward the earth, but he knows there is no way he’ll be able to rest or to sleep until the heavy thrumming clears from his bloodstream.

The potions are toxic and cruel, but he has made his peace with them and their necessity in his life. Still, he will not impose himself on others in this state, at his most base and vicious.

His eyes are black from pupil to sclera, more wolf than man, and thick, dark veins spread across the taught, pale skin of his face. He longs to snap and to tear with pointed canines, to rend and to rip with sharp claws. He vibrates with furious, animalistic energy, and any creature that comes into his orbit turns and flees the moment they catch sight of his monstrous visage.

He smells the bard before he sees him, and a ripple of rage runs through his chest. He’d told him to stay back at the village. He’d told him it wasn’t safe. In the months they’d been travelling together the bard had proven himself braver than his foppish appearance would suggest, but real dangers lurked in this forest.

Tonight, Geralt was the most dangerous of them all. He was all instinct and malignity, unfit for human company. And now he’d have to confront Jaskier in this state and see his horrified expression and smell his fear. The sharp, metallic tang of fear on the tongue was unpleasant at any point, but now, with his nerves frayed to the quick, it will be truly unbearable.

He resolves to get the damn confrontation over with and pushes into the campsite, all heavy steps and snarling teeth. Jaskier, who has been sat by the fire playing his lute, sucks in a quick breath when he catches sight of him. He waits for the screams of horror, the trembling of fear, the recriminations and excuses as Jaskier leaves. He braces himself for it like an oncoming storm.

Instead, Jaskier tilts his head to one side, considering. Geralt barely dares to move. “Huh,” Jaskier says, after a moment. “Is that a potion thing? Or a witcher thing? Or a you thing?”

Geralt doesn’t understand why he hasn’t run yet. He takes a step closer, lets Jaskier see his hideous form more clearly in the firelight. “Potions,” he snarls, waiting for the panic to set in.

“Huh,” Jaskier says again. He does not look panicked. He looks thoughtful. “Does it hurt?”

Geralt flinches back like he’s been struck. No one has ever asked him that before. Why would they? But Jaskier sits patiently, apparently awaiting an answer, so he grinds out the words. “Not exactly. It’s,” He casts around for a term to explain it. “Intense.”

Jaskier hums and gets to his feet. Now he will gather his things and make an excuse, and then he’ll be gone, frightened away by Geralt like everything else living.

Except Jaskier takes a step toward him. And then another. Geralt stands still as a statue, unwilling to frighten him further. Jaskier walks right up to him, bold as the day they’d met, and examines his face with unabashed interest.

“Would it help if I-” He wets his lips and Geralt follows the movement minutely. “- That is, can I -?” He lifts his hand and brushes the hair back from where it hangs in Geralt’s face, a movement so delicate and soft it feels like the ruffling of a breeze.

“There you are,” he says, and smiles.

This behaviour is mystifying, even by Jaskier’s standards. Geralt scents the air, trying to determine his mental state, looking for fear or confusion or disgust. He smells... he smells, honest to gods, only the sweet sickly cherry of arousal.

What the fuck?

Whatever this is, he won’t keep Jaskier here against his will. “You can leave,” he growls. Jaskier’s face falls. “If you want.”

Jaskier shakes his head sadly, and brings one hand up to delicately cup his cheek. Through the hum of toxicity, the touch is warm and kind and grounding. “Silly witcher,” he says, so softly. “You won’t be rid of me that easily.”

#geralt: i am but a hideous monster. unloveable. disguting. #jaskier: take me now #geraskier #the witcher #my writing #octoberfest #geraskier kinktober day 28: high toxicity #useravia #avia i know you love this trope so this one is for you <3

[kellinrk800]

toko fukawa comphet no i don’t take criticism

nobody will even see this because my account just. doesnt get traction but here have a ramble abt toko’s backstory and how much i firmly believe her attraction was comphet.

spoilers for thh, sdr2 and udg

tw// ab/se, n/glect, severe bullying

toko was severely neglected and unwanted when she was a child. she grew up with two mothers and one father due to both sleeping with the same man and neither wanting their child which caused her to be mistreated. once she was locked in a closet and forced to stay there for three days without food. clearly, she grew up in a household completely devoid of healthy love. genocide jack’s development was likely a response to cope with the traumatic experiences.

her time in elementary was no different. in third grade, she was used as a scapegoat for stolen money and her classmates tied her to the jungle gym with a garden hose as punishment.

her first real “love” was with a boy who she had been friends with since elementary but when she finally confessed through a letter, she found it pinned to the bulletin board to mock her. this was genocide jack’s first kill, leading me to believe that her murders were actually a form of protection.

on one occasion (and most likely more considering her difficult relationship with understanding rejection) she was ghosted halfway through on a date after spending three days and nights planning it so that she would not mess it up. she later found out that the boy only asked her out because he lost a bet.

the most likely only healthy representation of love she ever has was through media, which is arguably extremely heteronormativity and the actual healthiness of how relationships are presented in media is debatable.

she internalised all of these things happening to her and believed she deserved them somehow, building her inferiority complex. she began to assume that people only expected bad of her and self victimises herself almost on instinct despite her nature to express opinions without care for others most of the time. her self esteem is extremely low and she often worries about being considered an “old hag” in ultra despair girls.

toko fell in love with the idea of love, not an actual person. at some point she turned to novels and writing as a way to express her emotions and she used that passion to create works of art through her novels and created a toxic idolisation of the perfect relationship with nothing but media, her family’s relationships and her past experiences to go off.

she began to let herself get hurt and internalise it which ended up building her inferiority complex even further to the point of becoming unhealthily infatuated with anyone she saw fit as a stand in for the dreamy perfect people that made her books succeed.

time and time again genocide jack and toko were mistreated in their relationships, causing their system to suffer greatly. jack began to kill anyone toko saw fit as a perfect romantic interest to protect them both, but this most likely caused her own mental health to decline as well, leading to the aggressive, startling and manic personality we saw in the games.

toko began to both idolise and fear falling in love. while she knew they would most likely be killed and she would have to cope with knowing that the police could come knocking any day if they put the pieces together, she also still purposed her life around being in a perfect relationship because it was now causing her to gain traction through her novels.

this only furthered her unhealthy infatuation with relationships. she became determined to find a man who fit her description of the perfect man and would not mislead, use, mock or hurt toko in hopes that he would not be killed and she would finally achieve her dream.

enter byakuya togami. blonde, blue eyed, rich, cold and most importantly, entirely unattainable. he was an ideal stand in, especially considering the circumstances of the killing game (jack’s unique killing style would immediately be found out). she was able to fantasise from afar without ever really getting as severely hurt as she had in the past because he simply did not care to provide her his attention.

jack had two options. kill byakuya and get executed, or suck it up. clearly you can tell which option she chose. in addition, she had all of her memories from prior to the game which most likely slightly numbed her thirst for blood. by the end of ultra despair girls, she has grown a respect for toko, a softness for komaru and even calmed jack down to the point where it’s suggested that she no longer uses her skills to murder but instead fight despair.

in fact, near the end, toko is acutely aware of what is happening despite the fact jack was fronting (they don’t usually share memories, only emotions), suggesting they may have slightly integrated but i don’t really want to make assumptions considering i do not have did and am not educated enough to speak confidently about did.

ironically, the killing game was actually good for both of their mental health’s. i’ll only be talking about toko but in ultra despair girls she was emotionally stronger and more mature. she believed she finally had a purpose other than romance and that she could fight against all odds. she even credits makoto for her newfound courage. she criticises cowards and those that remind her of her past self. she is willing to challenge her fears.

komaru had an amazingly powerful and positive effect on them both. her softness, optimism and empathy help toko’s character develop even further. when komaru tries to give in to despair, toko encourages her to face her fears. toko, who was before extremely afraid and uncomfortable with being touched, is now willing to comfort and even hug komaru. she claims she’s finally found a true friend (that’s actually human, can’t forget kameko the stinkbug) and that she found hope in her.

komaru admires toko and doesnt really mind her split personality, instead just considering it “a bit strange”, which is a noticeable difference from how she was treated by everyone else for it. toko is protective of komaru during chapter two due to her suspicion of shirokuma. later, they even sleep in the same bed.

however, when toko risks komaru’s life for byakuya, they get into an argument in which toko accuses komaru of manipulating her with terms such as “friends”, which leads to komaru showing that she really does trust her.

later, this arguably resolved after servant forces jack and toko to fight against komaru for byakuya. they fight back against servant and komaru forgives her because they are friends, which makes toko extremely happy, so much that she blushed and admits she has never had a real friend before. she thanks komaru genuinely for the first time and they try to become real friends.

toko swears she will help komaru with anything she can’t do by herself, just like komaru would do for her.

toko even stays by her side to the point of rejecting the opportunity of going to future foundation to stay with komaru :)

in the end of danganronpa goodbye despair, which is set after ultra despair girls, kyoko reminds byakuya that someone is waiting for him and he jokes that she shouldn’t remind him of “something so horrifying”. and honestly i think the fact he was able to joke about it shows that perhaps toko and byakuya found a somewhat healthy relationship as friends, acquaintances, or even just bearing eachother’s presence.

a notable addition that didn’t really fit anywhere else is toko’s scrapped execution. “first kiss prank” is the title and it consists of byakuya running towards her before toko gets hit by a roller. that says enough about her biggest fears and how badly her past memories affected her.

in conclusion, toko fukawa’s obsession with byakuya was comphet due to pressure from the media and her toxic ideals. the fact she was able to form a healthy relationship with komaru is hhh and i could talk about them for hours. tokomaru is the second closest thing we have to inmedia stated canon (fuck kodaka’s statement me and the homies hate kodaka’s statement about naegiri /j)

sources: toko fukawa’s fandom wiki, genocide jack’s fandom wiki, free time events, transcripts

#danganronpa #toko fukawa #fukawa toko #touko fukawa #fukawa touko #tokomaru #syomaru #toukomaru #trigger happy havoc #ultra despair girls #character analysis #in which i am unhealthy obsessed with toko fukawa