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chimswae · 4 years

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BTS Caretaker CH12

Summary: She may think she has Bangtan Sonyeondan wrapped around her fingers. She may think it is easy to love the members equally without hurting any soul. She may think the boys wont fall head over heels for her. She assumes it is okay to show a little love and affection towards the boys, what if she gets it all wrong? What if it only brings more complication to her already complicated life? Can she survive their charms? Will she be able to resist them? What if they just wont let her go?

- Pairing: BTS x Oc ( Yoongi x OC, Jungkook x OC)

- Genre: Fluff, Slight Angst, Romance, Idol!au

- Word Count: 4,582

- Author Note:Late update again hmm ;( i appreciate your feedback and comment, just drop in my ASK BOX :)

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Chapter 12

“Seul, come here for a second” Hwasa whispered behind the counter signalling Seul to come over. Seul guffawed at Hwasa’s randomness, and quickly cleaned the table before making her way to Hwasa.

“What is wrong with you?” placing the tray on the counter neatly, Seul shot her friend a disbelief look.

Hwasa glanced over the counter to an area which Seul had a hard time to decipher at first, yet she followed her gaze mindlessly hoping it was not the usual prank that she pulled to get her revenge. Sitting at the corner, a young man in his early 20’s with his face fully covered up by his bucket hat. They could not see his eyes due to that but Seul could tell, he was immersed in his work.

Clenching onto his sketchbook while his free hand did wonder on the blank paper, his muscle flexed due to the intensity that he experienced at the moment. A small smile crept on his face, as he carefully gave a light touch on his character’s hair.

Pretty. He mentally praised the outcome.

“And..you are telling me because?” Seul tilted her head in confusion.

“Didn’t you notice? That guy came to our shop at least thrice a week, sit at the same corner, wearing a plain white tee or sometimes black with a bucket hat on top to complete his fashion. Don’t you find he is a little suspicious?”

“Mmm..and how is this related to us? He could be an aspiring artist, Hwasa. Look at the sketchbook in his hand, he must find this place gives him an inspiration. Stop being so negative for goodness sake” Seul scolded and rolled her eyes in return. Hwasa could be impossible sometimes, her hunch could be a little too fiction.

“The inspiration happens to be you Ji Seul. Hello, wake up girl! I saw how he looked at you” she retorted with protest.

Seul flinched with a disapproval frown “No, he doesn’t, stop imagining things. I can’t remember seeing him that frequent in our shop. Why are you so nosy!” she jabbed her arms with small force enough to annoy Hwasa.

“It is called being observant you foolish girl. Stop being gullible! He is crushing on you, I could tell! Believe me for, once will you?” Hwasa was being adamant especially when it comes to convincing Seul with her words.

“You are being ridiculous Hwasa. He is not crushing on anyone, can you please stop writing your own fiction story, thank you. Letting negativity consumes your already corrupted brain is not healthy, for your information” she pressed her lips into thin line. However, it would be a lie even after the little commotion that Hwasa cause, it didn’t trigger Seul’s curiosity. She found herself glancing at the male who seemed engross in his little world.

She shrugged off the thought away trying not to be mini Hwasa, that would be awful.

“Excuse you. It is you who being too positive. Stop seeing all the good things in people and for once start to doubt another human ugh. Not all of them are saint as you imagine!” she whined not liking the fact that her own best friend did not have her back on her.

“Okay Miss, this talk is pointless. Besides, that guy pays for his drink so let him be unless he is using this place for free just to hangout then we have the right to question his presence here. Now, mind your own business Hwasa, we have stakes of plate behind to be cleaned. Go go!” she gave her friend a light pat on her bum causing the latter to pout.

Taking a final glance at the man whom sat at the corner, their gaze lock without they realize. It surprised him as he quickly lowered his head with a small smile “Weird” Seul mutters at his weird antic.

I wonder when will I have the courage to talk you. He heaved a soft sigh while continue to steal secret glances at the hardworking girl. How her presence alone managed to take his breath away. It all started with a mere admiration, and as day passed he didn’t even realize why his heart will find its own way there.

She is an escape from the reality.

She is his muse.

Literally.

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Trudging to the kitchen as fast as lightning, his nose is greeted by the sweet smell of Jin’s cooking “COOKIES” Taehyung hollered with a goofy grin. Jin looked his shoulder eyeing the younger guy sternly “Do not touch it!” he warned.

“WHY?” he whined, sticking his lower lips out as an attempt for his infamous aegyo (acting cute).

“This is for the caretaker lad-Ahjumma” he corrected but Taehyung was quick to catch on. A sly grin could be seen across his face “Are you preparing this for the caretaker lady? Seul isn’t it?” he poked fun.

Jin frowned “I am just being nice since she kinda give me a good piece of advice that night, so I feel indebted” he tried to hide his flushed face from being seen, to react this way was super wrong. It was not like he liked her in that way. Weird.

“Are you sure it is just an advice? Did something happen between both of you which does not involve words of advice?” Taehyung poked the cookies with his finger trying to steal it away but only to be stopped by Jin.

He swatted his hand from touching the cookies and glared at Taehyung’s way “Dirty minded Taehyung, who taught you this? Namjoon?” the latter pouted again as if he’s innocent as charged. Well all he wanted was a piece of the cookie, but thrifty Jin seemed to only care about the caretaker lady.

“All I wanted was a piece of this yummy cookies, only to be called dirty taehyung this early making me sulky” dramatic Taehyung touched his chest indicating he was in pain.

“Do not be silly Kim Taehyung” Jin rolled his eyes getting used to Taehyung’s weird antic. He took a piece of fresh baked cookies from the oven and shoved it into Taehyung’s mouth. “There happy?” he jeered.

Taehyung gave him a thumb up and wink before skipping happily to the living room. Kids would be kids.

Jin looked around making sure there was no one taking a peek on what he was about to do, he pulled out a cute box and arranged the cookies accordingly with a genuine smile. It was just a simple act of gratitude, right? He did not outdo it, was he?

Finishing up the small token of appreciation for Seul, he left a simple thank you note on top of the box “I hope she likes it” biting his lower lips to surpass his excitement, Jin kept the box on the table hidden from his nosy members. If they happen to see this, he would get tease for the rest of his life.

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“What the heck Hoon, you are their fans and why am I being dragged into this illogical thing” Seul grumbled under her breath. His foolish brother had the audacity to make her attend BTS Puma Fansign just because he wanted to get that limited-edition winter jacket. In all honesty, she admired his passion in obtaining the jacket however hell man this is Bangtan thing and definitely not her cup of tea.

“How is it illogical when it is a Bangtan thing!” he was offended. What a true Army, clap.

Seul cringed “Because it is a Bangtan thing, stop acting like a fangirl”

Hoon argued “CAN’T A MALE FANGIRLING TOO? WOW SPEAKING OF BEING DOUBLE STANDARD” he guffawed cynically and continued “And there is something called fanboy for someone like me, thank you”

Seul shook her head while putting on her pink converse, she really needed to ignore his brother weird request from now on. Especially when it involved Bangtan. Persistence Hoon wont back away that easily, so he went to Seul side with his sad façade, prolly trying to impress Seul.

“Come on nuna, help me to get that winter edition jacket. I saved up my money for that, now because of my stupid speaking test. My plan to get the jacket burnt down to ashes” Hoon complained as if Seul was the reason why his early plan was doomed.

“For your information I have a better work to do rather than attending some weird fansign. Can’t you just get the jacket later on? They might put it up after the fansign, Ji Hoon! Why with the rush?” she retorted with a low scowl.

“Oh god, you are really oblivious, aren’t you? By the time they put it on display, everything will be wiped out by the Armys! Don’t you know the power of Army?”

Seul scrunched up her nose in utter disgust “Ew, you sounded so righteous trying to defend your favourite idol. But, power of Army? What I know is, it turns you into a pussy” Hoon gawked at Seul’s sassy mark. No one really could beat that foul mouth of hers.

Hoon sensed anger and hatred in Seul’s tone, even worse than before. He knew Seul did listen to Bangtan songs even though it was not to the extent of fangirling yet back then before she started this caretaking job, she did not sound as salty as now. What exactly happened to change her into some kind of typical k-netz whom sometimes only know how to condemn everything that the idols do.

He pinched the bridge of his nose while digesting his sister’s rude demeanour “Okay, nuna. Let me put every piece together first. What exactly happened at work causing you to act this way? As far as I am concerned the worst thing that you ever said to Bangtan was Jungkook hyung is a lazy bum” he frowned.

“Not this Bangtan talk again Ji Hoon. Look I am running late so can we just drop this thing because their life is not my problem. Alright?” she stood up, patting her jeans lightly and made her way to the front door only to be stopped by Hoon.

“WHAT NOW!” she hissed angrily.

“Say yes to the Puma fansign first then I am letting you go!”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Nuna please just this one! It is important”

“My job is important too and I have stomach to feed, get out of my way before I smack your soul out of your body. Go study and stop fangirling over Bangtan. Get a life Hoon” her brows knitted together into a deep frown.

“Just this one fansign please” Hoon threw his arms around her neck, basically clinging onto Seul for his dear life “I promise I will not ask anything irrelevant after this if you just help me to get the winter jacket” he begged with his puppy eyes.

“You are so annoying” Seul bit her lower lips trying to fall for Hoon’s request. She did not think meeting Bangtan members especially Yoongi and Jimin would be a good idea. Plus, to add to the suffering that she experienced, Jin was in the equation too. One fansign would not hurt right? They would not recognize her if she hid her face. That was face mask for!

Inhaling a deep breath, Seul finally gave in “Fine, just this fansign” Hoon hopped happily, squishing her sister into a super tight hug. He could be a little childish sometimes.

“I LOVE YOU NUNA SO MUCH” she felt a moist friction against her cheeks. Not a kiss Ji Hoon. Not a kiss, this grossed her out.

“Okay I am out from here, get off me” using her strength she pushed Hoon off her, so she could start walking and started her day already. She exited her apartment while rolling her eyes, then Hoon hollered at the back “It is today at 6! I will wire you the money and text the detail! Oh nuna! Get me the grey jacket thank you!” she sighed tiredly.

Thankfully, it was Saturday, so she didn’t have to tend Bangtan’s dorm. Much to her annoyance, she couldn’t imagine running around from one place to another just because of Hoon silly request. Unimportant much.

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Seul left earlier than she did to attend Hoon’s BTS Puma Fansign however to her dismay, she was stuck in traffic causing her to arrive 30 minutes later than the actual event. Another shitty thing happened after another, when she was not allowed to enter the venue with her face mask. What was the big deal again? She then, followed the rule anyways as much as she hated it since she already promised Hoon to get him that dreamy winter jacket of his.

She was amazed by the settings and by the time she entered the small exhibition room, fans had already lined up for the fansign. Even from afar, she could see the members were already in their seat getting busy with their fanservices. Some members were entertaining the fans on the floor with cameras, must be their fansites, Seul mumbled under her breath.

Without her facemask, she felt so exposed to danger especially that exact two members whom already well aware of her existence. Seul cussed in her head not liking this one bit, one of the staffs came to her demanded her to be in line. Now this was a real drill.

She had to pretend as if nothing happened then and ignored those two completely. What was the worse thing they could do in public? Ji Seul everything will be fine, just smile. She spoke to Hoon earlier about the ideas of getting the winter jacket only and to ditch the fansign, but that little filthy creature wanted Bangtan’s autograph on the poster too. What a brat.

Thirty minutes passed yet there was no sign of Bangtan members in front of her, there were about 20 fans before her turn. This by far the craziest thing that she ever did for someone named Hoon. It would not happen again, she will make sure that.

Seul almost dozed off whilst waiting and of course she paid no attention to the fans around her and her surroundings. All she cared was to end this thing instantly “My god why am I doing this” she rubbed her sleepy eyes, yawning away to ease the sleepiness in her.

Getting bored standing in line like a fool, her eyes wander around watching the excited fans whenever their favourite members reacted to their questions. Idols really are the best actors of the century, weren’t they tired? Seul still could not understand a fangirl’s life, the closest would be her brother.

Her eyes were fixated on Jin, looking all glee and joyful with his fans. If and only that fan knew the real struggle behind smiley Jin, she sighed. The corner of her lips was tugged into a small smile upon witnessing Jin’s passion and his kindness with every fan who come to greet him a simple hello. He is a nice guy, she mentally complimented.

Seul felt a gaze on her as she shifted when the line moved forward, that weird feeling again. Jimin’s eyes were on her direction making Seul melted under his strong gaze. People might think he was actually staring into the lens, but no.

Jimin had his eyes on that one familiar figure not far from where he sat “Ji Seul..” he mumbled lowly not wanting to garner any misunderstanding from the fans and members.

Shoot, he knew me. Screw it. Seul turned her body to other side, steadying her heavy breathing. This won’t do, she must stay calm and act like nothing happen. This is their workplace, they should be professional anyway.

Jimin’s playful smile was slowly replaced by a genuine one as his attention now was on the fan in front of him. He could not wait until Seul’s turn came, there were a lot of things to ask.

On the other side, there was another person on stage whom seemed as surprised as Jimin, his beautiful lips were perfectly shaped into the most breath-taking smile which could blow any heart away ‘It is her. The lady from the tea shop’ he could not believe what’s in front of him.

His muse is there. He did not know she’s a fan well except her phone ringtone indicated she might be a possible fan, but to see her stood there in her casual clothes shook his heart.

She looked beautiful as always.

He returned his attention back to the audience and the members whom seemed too engross in doing something per requested. Guess, he finally had a chance to talk to her even for a short while in a bit.

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After waiting for another twenty minutes, her turn to be entertained finally here. Well not exactly entertained, she was doing it for brat Hoon. Deep down inside, she was as nervous as other fans, except she really hated the attention from the public. Being in public alone in this kind of event pressured her to be cautious of her surrounding even more.

Jung Hoseok was the first member who greeted her cheerfully, it baffled Seul to see energetic Hoseok. He was indeed the real sunshine of the group, never once she caught him frowning or sighing. It was incredible how he was able to maintain that face whole day.

“Your name?” Hoseok asked cheerfully looking into Seul’s eyes intensely. Seul felt her cheeks getting hot at this unnecessary fanservice, not like she’s a fan of them. God, she hated this feeling the most.

“Urm… Se-I mean Hoon” she mumbled nervously.

Hoseok tilted his head while blinking his stupidly cute round eyes “Hoon?” he didn’t sound convinced at first considering the name was too manly for a girl like her “Is this your first time?” he inquired.

“Mmm.. yes.. actually this is for my brother. He is a fan, but he couldn’t make it to the fansign” she cleared her throat in hope she didn’t sound too nasal.

His mouth formed into an ‘o’ shape with a soft nod “Say hi to your brother then, Hoon’s sister” Seul chuckled at his cheekiness. For an odd reason, his smile warmth her heart and for goodness sake Jung Hoseok is beautiful. His honey skin is everything, okay enough complimenting.

Seul shifted to other side to meet the second Bangtan’s members, she saw him before but couldn’t really call his name. He had a cute smile plastered across his face, as he scrunched up his nose cutely making Seul froze in her spot “Hi.. how are you? I like your smile by the way..” his voice was holly deep and sexy.

That was random as hell. What is with her smile again?

She turned fifty shades of red at the compliment “F..ine.. I guess? Mmm..thank you?” Seul wanted to force the word out from his mouth but only to be stopped by the person beside him, Park Jimin.

“Taehyunggie you are flattering her, don’t worry let me take it from here” Jimin slipped his hand in Seul’s cold one, pulling her in front of him. Seul could hear Taehyung guy whines at the background claiming Jimin stole his fan away, however to Seul, she was too preoccupied by Jimin’s presence.

How could a guy that she encountered few weeks ago could be this beautiful? I mean come on, Jimin was the real definition of living prince.

“Fancy to see you here again, Ji Seul-ssi” he caressed his thumb over her skin in circular motion whilst his other hand signed the poster in front of him. Ji Seul chose to remain silent, like what else she could say to this Park Jimin guy.

“I thought you were not a fan” he smug playfully making his eyes shrunk in process.

“Am not” Seul blurted with a long sigh. This whole thing was too much for her heart to handle, especially with Jimin stroking her skin as if she’s his lover. Was he this affectionate with his fans? Crazy.

Jimin bit his lower lips enjoying the scene in front of him, he had the upper hand now. It was rather interesting to see her overreact to his little touch “So, why are you here? Do you like someone from Bangtan?” he pried answers from the flustered girl.

“Well, I don’t exactly have one” Seul wanted to pull her hand away from Jimin’s grasp but did not want to appear rude. Another thing was that she did not want to cause any rumours, so she just played along until she found the perfect chance to just end this.

She started to break a cold sweat, this staring contest would not be over until she came up with answers, so she shut her eyes together and blurted out the first name that came into her mind “It is Suga” she gawked at her own answers.

Hearing his name being called Yoongi who sat three seats away from Jimin turned his head to Jimin’s direction, he too could not believe what he just saw. Did he really see it right? Ji Seul, their caretaker was there all along at the fansign.

Jimin face felt yet he managed to cover it up with the sweetest smile ever “Oh, guess you are looking forward to your meeting with Hyung” he winked. Seul looked away, finally able to pull her shaking hand away from his strong grip “It is nice meeting you Jimin-ssi” with that Seul quickly moved to the person beside Jimin.

The wise leader had been assessing the whole situation and he was not a fool though. He knew the way how Jimin and Suga exchanged a meaningful look, he knew the two members and the girl in front of him knew each other. Could it be the infamous caretaker lady that those two bragged before?

“Are you alright?” he saw how the girl broke into cold sweat, Seul was fiddling with the hem of her shirt easing the tense that she felt in her muscle.

Seul smiled politely “I am okay.. Thank you for asking” Namjoon’s dimple smile seemed to calm down her racing heart at least. It didn’t last long when Namjoon leaned over the table, dabbing Seul’s forehead with his sleeve.

Squeals after squeals could be heard from every corner making Seul flustered in her stance, what in the world just happened. Her body paralyzed at this small gesture and the proximity killed her inside “Don’t be nervous even this is your first time. You are doing great” Kim Namjoon was a real gentleman.

Seul chewed her lower lips, hiding her now crimson red face from Namjoon “Thank you…Good urm luck in anything you do and eat well I guess” he returned to his seat with a wide grin. Before Seul moved to the next member, Namjoon gave a light pat on her head and whispered in her ears “I remember you, glad to see you again caretaker agashii” he nodded with nose scrunched up revealing his dimple once again.

That is so not healthy. Seul chuckled bitterly and faced another unfamiliar face in front of him, guess she really need to study hard when it came to their names.

“Hello…Urm…?” Seul paused for a moment scrutinizing Jungkook’s face, rummaging through her memories. What was his name again? She cursed in her head.

“Jungkook..Jeon Jungkook.. You really are not a fan, you seem to like Suga hyung more than anything” Jungkook shook his head with a light chuckle. God, even his small laugh alone sounded melodious.

Of course, he is the Jeon Jungkook. Everyone knew he is the Jeon Jungkook, except Seul who’s still struggling with BTS’s members name in her head. She kept on messing the same name all over again except few members that left a great impression on her before like Yoongi, Jimin, Jin and Namjoon. Those are the only members that she accidentally bumped into so far.

“I am sorry Jungkook-ssi. Just a little urm… nervous I guess. The words just could not get out from my mouth” Seul sighed deeply.

“It is okay I am joking. You seem a little tense, calm down a little” he teased. Jungkook’s bunny smile managed to make her laugh a little despite the sticky situation that she faced a moment ago, now she felt a burden being lifted off her shoulder. Jungkook and Seul chattered for few more minutes before they ended with a shy hi-five as the staffs motioned Seul to move quickly not hogging the line.

Seul apologized and moved to the second last member, the eldest in the group, Kim Seokjin. Only god knew how uncomfortable she was conversing with Jungkook earlier, when she could eventually sense Jin’s deep gaze on her. It ripped out her sanity.

The corner of her eyes caught a glance of Yoongi whom sat the end of the table with a poker face, he was ignoring her whilst paying his attention on the fans at the audience seat. His voice alone was a major distraction to her innocent ears.

“So is it true Yoongi is your favourite member?” Jin’s soft voice diverted her attention to him instead. He found herself envied Yoongi, and trying to digest the ridiculousness. Wasn’t she supposed to loathe him instead since the things happened between the two aint pretty.

“Pardon?”

“I said do you like Yoongi?”

“………”

“Should I take that as a yes?”

“……..”

There was another silence between them. She had been repeating this question all over again in her head, what more she could say?

“Well, I wish it could be me instead. Don’t you think Yoongi doesn’t deserve your love” he joked causing the other guy to kick his calf under the table. He grinded his teeth together giving the older guy a warning glare.

“You may become one, in the future” Seul smiled, thanking Jin before shifting herself to Yoongi. Jin was in dazed upon hearing her response, Seul is attractive in his eyes. Biting his tongue down, he wished to see Seul again soon.

If and only she could skip Yoongi, she would gladly do that. Upon his eyes fell on Seul, he slouched forward examining the girl’s face so intensely that cause everyone in the audience fell silence in their seat.

Yoongi was known to be less affectionate with his fans in comparison to other members like the maknae line. But, there were rare occasion whereby he would shake hand casually with his fans. Likewise, with Seul he felt the urge to tease her even more than that.

Breaking his usual cold and cool demeanour, Yoongi cups her cheeks gazing into her eyes deeply “I told you we will meet again Mrs Hwang’s daughter” he murmured lowly careful someone might hear him.

“DID YOU SEE THAT?”

“DID MIN YOONGI JUST-“

“WOW, THAT IS RARE”

The faint voices behind her was just another voice that she had completely filtered from her memory. Other members took the moment to glance over at their side to witness the commotion, they were weirded out by Yoongi sudden change of character. How unusual.

“What are you doing” Seul hissed under her sharp breath. She didn’t fancy this kind of thing especially when Yoongi was the one who initiated the first move.

Yoongi smiled adorably “Being friendly” he chuckled, as his hand moved to the tuck the strand of hair behind her ears. He continued to give her an affectionate look, turning Seul into a real mess. For pete’s sake, she really hated Min Yoongi. Why he even exists?

“Didn’t know that you actually like me?”

“I don’t”

“Liar”

“I am not”

“Prove it”

“Do I need to kiss you and ruin your career then only you trust me”

“Oh, that will only affect you. I will just announce to the world you are my girl, as simple as that”

“YOU WONT DARE!”

“TRY ME”

“FUCK YOU MIN YOONGI”

“Only if you invite me to your bed”

“YOU ARE ANNOYING”

“Thank you”

Their banter was done under the radar, no one could hear them except Kim Seokjin, but he decided not to butt in and let them be. He was still dead curious on the inside, just how close these two are? They seem to have a very friendly relationship in his eyes.

Yoongi leaned dangerously close to her face before releasing her completely “See you around, Mrs Hwang’s daughter” he gave her one final wink. Grumpily, Seul got up descended from the stage with red face. The result of her random banter with Yoongi caused her to be this sensitive.

Just wait, I will poison you in your sleep. Clenching her fist together, Seul refused to look back though he knew Yoongi’s eyes never left her until she disappeared from his vicinity.

Did she leave already? The guy peered up scanning the area to find a glimpse of Seul in the audience. He flinches as he failed to catch Seul face anywhere in the area, then he slumped in his seat.

I will just visit her at the shop. He smiled to himself.

#bts #btsfanfic #bts fanfiction #bts idol au #bts series #yoongi x oc #jin x oc #min yoongi x oc #suga x oc #jungkook x oc #bts x oc #bts romance #bts fluff #yoongi fluff #jungkook romance #btscaretaker

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grxceblqckthxrn · 4 years

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hi @chocolatecarstairs came up with these post-CHOG questions and i really want to answer them because im sad that im finished reading it :((

MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW

what was your favorite part, 1 or 2?

Honestly I loved both parts, but I’d say I loved part two just a little bit more for the time that James wasn’t under the curse anymore and LOVED Cordelia

which scene in the book was your favorite?

EVERY scene that had Matthew and James being wholesome parabatai in it!!! my favourite chapter in this book was Blue Ruin, the one after Grace takes the bracelet back from James (aside from the whispering room ofc).

what scene (or scenes) made you cry the most?

ok ngl i didnt spend much of this book crying, but the only scene that actually made me tear up was when james was dying and matthew could feel it and jesse (WHO I FUCKING LOVED MORE THAN I THOUGHT I WOULD) gave him his last breath :(((((

what scenes were unsatisfactory?

there were not enough Christopher scenes (but to be fair, even if the entire book was just Christopher it still wouldnt be enough for me)

but fr, i cant think of any off the top of my head but i’ll edit this if i do later

what made you laugh the most?

matthew!! james!! thomas!! christopher!! also some of the things Jesse said

what bored you?

this wasn’t boring, but the whole charles/alastair plot line didn’t have me very invested. I did love the alastair/ cordelia scenes tho, so it was just charles that was the problem

also no offense to james bc he was my first actual fictional crush after reading TMH/NBS but like whenever he talked about being in grace i would literally zone out lol the bracelet curse makes him so boring but whenever he isnt in the curse/ is with someone who is NOT grace i just!! love him!!

what disappointed you?

cassie honestly had me kinda shipping matthew/cordelia for a solid FIVE SECONDS there when he stepped in to dance with her after james left her standing there, but that was one of the only scenes that made me feel like they had natural chemistry (along with the scene where he drops her off at her house). I felt like the during the rest of their interactions in the book, cordelia was kind of uncomfortable, which made me really sad because even tho she has every right to feel that way, i felt bad for matthew. I kind of want him to fall for someone else completely and for it to be reciprocated. also, i just really want for matthew and cordelia to become good friends because i feel like they could have such great natural chemistry if matthew didnt love her.

what is the top thing you wish had been done differently?

see above.

what things did you predict that came true?

JAMES BURNING DOWN BLACKTHORN MANOR I FUCKING SAID HE WOULD DO IT TWO FUCKING YEARS AGO IF YALL WANT ME TO LINK THE THEORY LMK

what are some things that were really unexpected?

ok there’s quite a few things here so bear w me babes:

- James genuinely loving cordelia from the start. I wasn’t expecting him to naturally feel nothing for grace at all, so i was expecting a slow burn jordelia, but finding out that he actually loves her makes me so happy but the end where cordelia thinks he was just pretending breaks my heart :(((

-matthew liking cordelia lol definitely was not expecting another parabatai love triangle but i hope it doesnt last. i do think it adds to the plot and i love it, it just hurts to see matthew so emo :(((

-I was expecting to like cordelia as a character, but i ended up LOVING her so fucking much???? she’s so three dimensional to me, and it’s interesting to see how her personality adapts around different characters as people adapt around different social circles irl

-liking jesse as much as i did

-ok so james’ entire character was a surprise to me. it’s so fascinating to see how the bracelet actually affected his personality.If you recall him in The Midnight Heir from TBC. he’s like an entirely different person. i still loved him in TMH but i went into CHOG thinking that if he was gonna be like that the entire time i’d probably get over him really quickly. i was pleasantly surprised by how much i ended up loving him even more tho

-i didn’t expect oliver hayward to die and im going to stay emo about it

- Christopher is so much more clear headed than he was made out to be prior?? like there were so many scenes where he was fully there and when he defended anna to alastair i just kfdsnfkld i love him

are there characters that you didn’t like before that you like now?

yikes umm... Alastair, maybe? he’s somewhat okay to me now, I dont dislike him as much as I used to. ooh and Hypatia Vex. the only scene i remember liking her in QOAAD was when she helped out kit, ty and dru (me, going a whole TSC post without somehow mentioning kit? not possible)

are there characters that you liked before that you don’t like now?

I started CHOG ready to give Grace the benefit of the doubt, and I was surprised by how timid and shy she seemed at the start, but it was interesting to see how it was all an act and how she doesn’t have an actual personality yet. one could argue that she actually does love james, but i doubt it at this point. i dont hate her yet, even tho she IS fucking up james’ life, but she’s on thin fucking ice.

who was your favorite new character?

does new character mean completely new or just never been in a novella new? because for the first, it would be Cordelia (i LOVE her sm!!) and other wise it would be james, matthew and co. also!!! jesse!!

what places in the book would you like to visit?

that hell dimension sounds pretty lit ngl

did you like the ending?

ok so. we KNOW that jordelia is gonna be endgame. cassandra clare always takes the hardest path to get there, but when has she not delivered? it’s just a matter of waiting. so, yes, i did like the ending in sense of the plot because it was a great twist, but i also feel really bad for all of them even tho ik they’re eventually gonna be together :(((

what did you think of the epilogue?

i wasnt surprised, since we alr know that Tatiana is shady asf, but i just really wanna know how she partnered up with a GREATER demon like lol wtf. again, im really happy in terms of plot with this

what are your thoughts on the engagement?

i feel so. fucking bad. for cordelia. and james too, even tho he’s under the bracelet’s curse so he doesnt even KNOW he’s being manipulated. but i love how even through the curse, james still loves cordelia in his own way.

what did you want to see that didn’t happen?

matthew getting therapy periodt

umm honestly i just want more “merry thieves” content like i just love. all of them.

what do you wish had been resolved that wasn’t?

i really want matthew to tell james or cordelia what happened because i just need him to be loved and supported lol i want to give him a hug.

what is your favorite pairing as of now?

jordelia!!! and lucie and jesse are kind cute rn, and i like them if theyre gonna be pining after eachother but i feel like if they actually get together i wont like the relationship as much.

which characters would you like to see more of in the next book?

CHRISTOPHER CHRISTOPHER CHRISTOPHER

ANNA!!! i lovED reading about her she’s so badass

matthew!! jesse!! also i wanna see more of those bitchy girls lol just so we can see anna or cordelia tell them to stfu

what is one character whose death you would undo if you could?

ok i know that jesse is still very much a conscious character despite being dead but like,,, i want him to be the way he was before and also i want him to come back to life

and barbara!! she seemed so sweet

which characters got bad/unsatisfactory endings?

ummm barbara? i cant really say much on this yet bc its still only the first book and when has the first book ever ended up with anyone being happy.

oh but also can we sign a petition to make cassie let matthew actually survive the series because my heart aches just at the THOUGHT of eventually having to read a scene where he dies

which characters got what they deserved?

literally. none of them yet. :(

who should have died but didn’t?

Tatiana lol also lowkey charles but i also feel pity him to an extent

what plotline are you most excited to see in the next book?

okay the entire jesse plot has me hooked because i LOVE his character. also i love the bracelet plot but its making me MAD because i just want james to be happy but

what is one scene that you wish hadn’t happened, but you know was unavoidable?

THE ONE WHERE GRACE PUTS THE BRACELET BACK ON JAMES. i mean obv there was no way he was completely done with grace, but i literally got so sad at that part like why HIM of all people smfh let him be happy

which pairing do you like the least?

alastair x charles, grace x james, lucie x matthew bc neither of them actually like either imo lol

what are some theories you have for chain of iron?

- not necessarily for COI but i think matthew is gonna get exiled and turned into made into a mundane

- the bracelet will break (?)

- jesse will come back to life (like actual life) at the end of the book

-grace is gonna do something to help the main characters, making it hard for us to hate her.

what characters do you think should have gotten more plot time?

lol are yall gonna hate me if i say christopher again (also anna)

anyways this was really fun!!!!! PLEASE ASK ME STUFF ABOUT MY OPINIONS AND STUFF OR JUST SAY ANYTHING ABT THE BOOK BC IM DESPERATE TO TALK TO PPL ABOUT IT

#chain of gold spoilers #chain of gold #james herondale #Cordelia Carstairs #Matthew Fairchild #lucie herondale #anna lightwood #thomas lightwood #alastair carstairs #charles fairchild #christopher lightwood #grace blackthorn #jesse blackthorn #tatiana blackthorn #the last hours #tlh #cassandra clare #the last hours spoilers #chog spoilers

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primedirection · 5 years

Text

Hopelessly Devoted

Y/n reaches a breaking point

Another several days pass without really speaking to him and it becomes somewhat routine.

Although, thanks to his insane schedule it was definitely difficult to notice. There was no time to talk or argue for that matter when Harry was in Italy, Harry was in Tokyo, Harry was in Paris, Harry was in Los Angeles—Harry was basically everywhere and with everyone but you.

On one or two occasions you did observe that he'd been in places where she was also present. But he never mentioned it of course, he never had to. The tabloid's and social media sunk their teeth into it like a juicy steak. In which he whimsically dismissed as work coincidence's.

So once again you let it slide. As they say: Pick your battles wisely!

But today you were kind of happy you did. Today was his first day back for a week long break and Anne and Gemma were in town visiting. They promised to come along for a scheduled cake testing for the wedding some time ago. And since neither of you had made arrangments to reschedule it, you would be forced to play nice, even if only for a few hours.

Picking them all up from the airport was fairly cordial but awkward nonetheless given your current limbo status. You didn't skip a beat in putting your engagement ring back on and Harry didn't either, greeting you enthusiastically with a hug and kiss. Though whether or not it was all for show you'd never know. Not to mention the enormous elephant between you two just for the simple fact you weren't sure if the wedding was still actually on. You assumed that the opportunity to discuss that would eventually come along when you were properly alone.

As the day went on and you were on your fourth cake, you realized that this was the perfect activity for bonding and not just with his family.

Despite being wedding reception centric you talked more than you had in weeks, laughed ridiculously hard at each other in what felt like ages, and shared simple trivial affection that you hadn't realized that you'd been craving. You almost cried when he thoughtlessly reached for your hand while waiting on a highly recommended red velvet cake.

It made you take notice of just how much you actually missed him. So you swallowed your pride and relayed it aloud. Genuinely professing, "I missed you."

At that Harry seems to smile with his eyes more than his lips. Interlacing your fingers and kissing the back of your hand. "Missed yeh more pet." There's a nervous flutter in your gut from the gesture and anticipation to be alone. Part of you can't help wondering if this was just an act too good to be true.

"So is anyone allowed to make a speech or toast? Or like are you keeping it limited..?" Gemma curiously asks.

Harry nervous looks to you for the answer. In which you shrug, "Everyone can say and do as they please so long as I don't have to,"

"Oh, lovie you have got to stop being so hard on yourself. Your speech was beautiful! It even made Gem cry,"

"No one was supposed to know that, but she's right. I'm still upset I missed it, if I didn't have that ridiculous conference I swear I would've been there,"

"I know," You smile sadly removing your hand from Harry's underneath the table. "It's okay,"

In the corner of your eye you spot his discomfort on the topic at hand, and it only gets worse when Anne asks, "What did you think? Didn't you love it?"

At the sudden attention Harry flushes a deep crimson from the neck up and nervously proceeds to scratch the area, "Haven't.. Em.. Heard it yet. I honestly didn't know she had one,"

Both women proceed to eye him incredulously, "Are you fucking joking?"

"Gemma!" Anne scolds at her foul and loud choice of words in the small posh cake shop.

"Sorry mum, but come on! You are joking right?" She deadpans, "I mean she poured her heart out for you just for her world to see and now the entire world has seen it!"

Embarrassed he clears his throat and shamefully admits, "I um... No,"

Gemma eyes widen twice their size completely taken aback, "Dickhead, it's a five minute video— hell less than that! All over my feed and it's still all over my feed because people wont stop tagging the three of us in it. How in the holy hell did you not see it?!"

In a matter of seconds tension has shifted, all of it negative and all of it aimed specifically at Harry. Words couldn't begin to explain the utter relief and justification you felt watching on as Harry is forced to listen to everything you felt and couldn't say, and everything you tried to say but couldn't get across clearly. Not only empathetically come from someone else, but the only two people on the planet that meant the most to him.

As much as the vengeful part in you enjoyed watching him squirm. It didn't feel right to have him bludgeoned over the head with it in order for him to get it. Most likely he still wouldn't understand the problem.

So you miraculously find yourself taking up for him with a forced smile. "It's not his fault. He's been busy, especially with this new album," Causing everyone to stare at you perplexed, including Harry.

Also making the dynamic of frustration shift towards you as well. Gemma is flabbergasted, "Please tell me you're joking now? There's no excuse on earth that is ok-"

Instantly this bothers Harry and he makes no secret of it. Irritably interrupting, "We're working on it Gem, alright? Chill out."

There aren't words to define the weird and borderline chaotic atmosphere going on and just when you think things can't get worse. For some God forsaken reason, when the red velvet cake finally arrives to your table, Harry's phone simultaneously starts to ring from his back pocket. Everyone at the table pretty much stops what they're doing just to watch him retrieve it and check the screen. Your stomach uncomfortably drops at the sight of the name 'Kenny'.

He answers it chirpier than ever, even allowing her to akwardly greet his mom and sister. All the while you remain dead silent, willing for him to just end it as soon as possible and yet things just so happen to continue on a downward spiral. As Harry mentions your location at first it spirals into him inviting her to come which is bad enough. But then it spirals further out of control when he volunteers to just meet up with her today instead.

It takes everything in you not to let the raw emotions show on your face. Though not just because both Anne and Gemma were skeptically watching you. In that moment you swear you could've kicked him between the legs.

Eventually he stands from your table before even hanging up the phone. Having already decided, "Today's her only day in town, figured we could hang out for a bit. I don't think we'll pick in one day anyway. Might have a better time picking out a dress," he not so subtly suggests.

"Well you actually have to try the cakes in order to pick one..." You happily hear Gemma retort.

It goes completely over his head anyway, "Dinner later tonight?" He asks at least being polite enough to kiss Anne goodbye. Yet he doesn't exactly wait for a reply either coming around to place a rushed kiss on your cheek. At which you stoically accept.

"You lot have fun. Well.... Not too much fun." In no time he's out the door and on the move. Forcing you into taking on his suggestion because it felt really pointless to stay.

About an hour later and a rib crushing corset deep with six more dresses lined up just like it to try on, reality starts to set in.

First off it takes awhile to even get started because you and Harry haven't even agreed to what theme or color scheme you wanted. So you had to get ahold of him to ask for some ideas and of course as luck would have it. Since he's out and about with his precious Kenny there's no way to get ahold of him. Ultimately leaving you to make something up all on your own.

Aside from the discomfort, the sight of yourself in the beautiful gown didn't feel right in the least. You're supposed to be overjoyed and excited with your bestie trying to get you somewhat drunk and your mom should've been there too. Speaking of moms, you don't register Anne announcing herself before coming inside the dressing room.

One of her hands clamps over her mouth in awe while the other holds an off white dress shirt you presume is for Harry, "Y/n lovie you are down right gorgeous!"

You have to force yourself to smile back at her and utter a strained, "Thank you," not because of how depressed you feel but for some reason you literally felt like you couldn't breathe.

"I don't know what we're going to do with that boy.. Do you know what color shirt is going under his suit? I reckon this colo-" The curiosity on her sweet face easily morphs into concern at the sight of you panicking, "S'wrong lovie?"

Instantly your hand shoots up to stop her from approaching any further because the the room felt small enough as it is. Hoping that with a little time that the feeling would blow over. Though the more time that passed the more over heated you felt. The tip of your ears on fire and the rest of your skin flushing just the same with it. At some point the nude colored stall even begins to shift around you to the extent that you stumble around to grab onto it in order to steady yourself.

Anne's voice floats in and out of distortion and so do the other's in the distance. Somehow you catch her soothing, "Y/N lovie just stay calm. Let's go to the main room for a bit yeah?"

You shake your head, unable to move, suddenly overwhelmed with intense grief. But you force yourself to answer her initial question anyway because it bothered you the most, "I don't- I don't know... anything these days. It's like- it's like... I could have a gun to my head... and he still wouldn't care." You gasp and cry.

"Don't cry hun, it's alright shh," Anne finally eases close enough to hold your trembling hand steady and attempts to comfort you but you only feel worse.

"It's really... not, I- I-... I put him off somehow and it's not how it should be. He's always running off.... with k-" You stop yourself realizing that she didn't need to know that, "It's like... he can't be far enough."

While you talk Anne uses that as a distraction to usher you out of the fitting rooms and into the main area, "That's not true, lovie. It's okay, you're okay breathe!" She reassures slowly but surely getting you to a chair just in time, just before you feel the need to collapse. Gemma and the sales woman are hovering around worried too but you physically can't even begin to focus on them. 'Is she okay' and 'panic attack' seems to be the topic of conversation.

"God I don't know what else I can do to keep up. I- I can't- I can't go through with this." You shamelessly cry out to Anne.

Who's retrieved something from the sales woman that you come to find out is a hand held fan. Anne wastes no time waving it back and forth quickly to blow bigger and stronger wafts of air. Cooling and calming you down all at once. You start to assume that she keeps you talking to keep you distracted, "With what? The wedding? Lovie I'd be worried if you didn't have cold feet."

Your head shakes in denial, unable to find humor in what honestly has been stressing you out the most. "No... be with him..." You gasp out, hating to admit it aloud. Nonetheless in front of his mother, and at the sight of her very own shock. Immediately you wished that you'd never said anything at all.

After awhile something about that confession finally made the deep inhalation part of you your lungs start working again, and slow to follow was everything else. The room stopped spinning and you were able to take in the terrified expressions of Gemma and the sales woman. Going back and forth on whether or not to call an ambulance and eventually they decided not to.

But even worse than the tabloid articles that were bound to come out about this, was none other than Harry Styles making a reappearance. Apparently Gemma had called him and unlike you, actually got through.

He dropped to his knees right between yours, "Came as fast as I could, thank God we were only down the street,"

"It's fine— I'm fine," You immediately lie, loathing the spectacle that this was becoming. You just wanted to go home, "I think I just... overheated."

Wait... We?!?! You pause to look over his shoulder and low and behold there she is. Kendall fucking Jenner standing next to Gemma and she has the audacity to look concerned.

Harry grabs your cheeks to redirect your focus on him obviously worried, "Alright? S'wrong? What happened?"

He's a little breathless as he probably ran inside. But you manage catch the smell of his breath through the gusts of air as he speaks and the close proximity. It reeks of beer and once you realize that the more glossy his gaze is.

"Are you- are you really drunk right now?" You feel like you're gonna cry yet you somehow manage to ask it angrily.

"What?" He's unsurprisingly confused. Possibly a symptom of his haze.

But you're too angry to care, roughly tearing his hands away from your face and standing on numb legs, "You left... You fucking left me to go drinking?!"

Harry frowns still thrown by your reaction, "Will you calm do-"

"No! What the fuck are we doing Harry?!" You cry overwhelmed and over emotional. "Today was supposed to be about our wedding! Does that not mean anything to you?"

"Y/N, lower your voice," he pleads grabbing onto your wrist and uncomfortably glancing at the audience around you.

"No no, don't!" You yank away and stumble a bit from the force. Completely forgetting the restrictive gown you're in, "I am so sick of this shit... I'm done— I am so fucking done!" Frustrated, you gather up the skirt of the gown and rush towards the dressing room to get out of it.

Even then Harry follows close behind until Anne and Gemma protectively intervene, "Just give her a minute to cool down H."

"Jesus Christ," he groans irritated, dragging his hands over his face. Unable to properly formulate what the hell he just walked in to.

He needed to talk to you before you did something irrational. Because right now he got the feeling that the clock was ticking.

(An: I hope y'all like this one let me know)

Final Part

#Harry styles angst #Harry styles imagines #Harry x reader #Harry styles #one direction imagines #Harry Styles one shot #One direction one shot #harry styles drabble #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #all me #I write I guess

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somnilogical · 4 years

Text

im having a convo and the convo is babies

Carrie Zelda-Michelle Davis:

is it OK to have babies if you do embryo selection (https://www.gwern.net/Embryo-selection) and raise them to be an FAI researcher (https://slatestarcodex.com/2017/07/31/book-review-raise-a-genius/)??

somni:

like if someone actually had a plan for FAI that involved this, okay. but rn time is too short imo. when i first heard people were having babies i was confused and assumed they were going to harvest the DNA of the best FAI researchers, someone would decide to grow a baby inside them, someone who discounted their ability otherwise to save the world except via this or thought this was a sacrifice worth making for the world would decide to raise this human.

the human can access information about the state of the world and make their own choices. wont necessarily become an FAI researcher.

used to think that intelligence was the main bottleneck on FAI research no longer think this. you could talk with terry tao for hours about the dangers of the wrong singleton coming to power but unless you have made some advances i have not, i wouldnt expect to be able to align him with FAI research. he would continue to put as much resistance to his death and the death of everyone as a pig in human clothing. he would continue to raise his babies and live in a house with someone he married and write about applying ergotic theory to the analysis of the distribution of primes and understanding weather patterns.

similarly, i dont think culture is a sufficient patch for this. think its a neurotype-level problem where a bunch of >160 iq humans hear about the dangers of UFAI and then continue to zoom quickly and spiral in to being ultra efficient at living domestic lives and maybe having a company or something but not one that much affects p(FAI). think this would still happen if they heard about it from a young age, they would follow a similar trajectory but with FAI themed wallpaper. wouldnt be able to do simple utilitarian calculations like yudkowsky, salamon, vassar, tomasik about whether to have a baby and then execute on them.

would look more like: http://www.givinggladly.com/2013/06/cheerfully.html

FAI research is not an ordinary profession like, say, being a grandmaster at chess or a world-class mathematician; it requires people who have passed through far more gates than "intelligence". i didnt notice this until coming to the rationalist community and finding a high density of intelligent humans who were none-the-less chronically making the wrong choices such that they werent much of an impediment against the destruction of all life.

so right now it seems more efficient to select among existing people for intelligence + other requirements rather than work out what all the genes for this are and how to speedrun development. what this enables is parallel processing on the problem which is also allowed by letting people be aware of their relative psychological advantage, other people with this advantage, and the state of the world so they can correlate computations in parallel instead of doing things serially after learning of some advance.

https://puzzling.stackexchange.com/questions/16/100-prisoners-names-in-boxes

not opposed to creation of many humans given can select on right traits. but given you have these traits, better use of your time to work directly on the thing than spend massive amounts of time and life reorientation on raising copies of you for ~14 years. if rapid cloning tech became available, would exploit that. would even have an idea of whether the clone is fine being part of this because they have very similar brain to someone who can think through whether they would be fine with it.

if people actually believed this and thought yudkowsky vitally important for the survival of the world, why didnt people coordinate for a bunch of people who thought it was a good tradeoff to have yudkowsky's baby 20 years ago and then we would have maybe 50 20-year-old humans with maybe 1/2 yudkowsky's neurotype + mutations now? this actually confuses me. maybe they thought the timelines too short back then. maybe they refrained for "optics".

molebdenita:

20 years ago Yudkowsky was 1) unconcerned about the alignment problem and 2) planning to create a super-intelligent AI by 2010, as far as I know.

[A/N so then change 2000 to 2005 and 20-year-old to 15-year-old]

...

somni:

<<in general i think it's -EV to even spend too much time thinking about TDT

because it opens you up to acausal blackmail type stuff>>

Just Say No to acausal blackmail and have your brain back for thinking. dont let blackmailers steal your brain.

<<Saying that having a child is somehow wrong is insanity. It's a personal decision and it is perfectly okay to want kids>>

people keep reframing what i say in the language of obligation. "altruists cant have kids?" "is it OK to have babies if". there is no obligation, there is strategy and what affects p(fai). having kids and reorienting your life around them is 1 evidence about your algorithms 2 your death as an optimizing agent for p(fai) except maybe some contrived plot involving babies, but afaict there is no plot. just the reasons humans usually have babies.

not having kids is not some sort of mitzvah? i care about miri/cfar's complicity in the baby-industrial complex and rerouting efforts to save the world into powering some kind of disneyland for making babies, to sustain this. because that ruins stuff, like i started out thinking that bay area rationalists probably had deeply wise reasons to have babies. but it turned out nope, they kinda just gave up.

like also would say playing videogames for the rest of your life wont usually get you fai. i dont get why everyone casts this as a new rule instead of a comment on strategy given a goal of p(fai).

ah i know, its because people can defend territory in "is it okay to have kids" like "yeah i can do whatever" when they reframe-warp me to giving them an obligation. but have no defensible way to say "my babyvault will pierce the heavens and bring god unto the face of this earth" or argue about the strategic considerations.

(its not defensible because its not true. i mean i guess it is defensible among julia wise's group of humans.)

Carrie Zelda-Michelle Davis:

ugh, you're right, I definitely screwed up by phrasing my question as "is it OK to have babies if [...]"

...

ohAitch:

if you want existential horror wrt damaging motivation, just read http://www.paulgraham.com/kids.html

...

somni:

<<http://www.paulgraham.com/kids.html>>

humans can completely rebase their circuits through that if they want to if it were important to save the world.

like ive rebase my circuits to stab myself downstream of updating that it reduces braindamage with little harm to me. where before i felt nauseated and saw black spots and broke out in sweat. after updating, none of this.

humans can do this with all sorts of things. like learn how to read and then feel sad when seeing squiggles on a page, its about what things mean.

people who dont believe this are like "its an automatic physiological reaction to stabbing yourself, you are its prisoner!!!" but i deleted it.

dirk:

ooh, tips?

silver-and-ivory:

I stopped having ocd about touching tags (like, on clothing?) in ~a week through p standard exposure therapy things

reminding myself that it wasn't based in fact, changing my self image so it was of someone who might be seen with tags, imagining various scenarios related to that

before that week it had been a thing for virtually my entire life

it doesn't work if you're scared of something that's actually a thing to be scared of though

somni:

i looked at all my feedback loops that had a node in "pain" and rebased them into outcomes in the world. i disassembled everything the act of stabbing myself meant and all the damage it did to my body what it meant to have brain damage everything that would do, the hole i made in this body i live in and everything that would do, what air bubbles would do, what injecting into a vein would do, what the probability the needle breaks in my leg was, probability of worldsave given braindamage vs not, gathered this up and held it all in my mind over the course of two hours and then made a choice and then as if by automatic my hand took a needle and stabbed myself.

<<as if by automatic>>

is the feeling of no more marginal considerations, there is one path. of choicelessness because you made your choice.

didnt feel like deleting, felt like draining the life from indecision via reductionism. taking things apart piece by piece.

when you can continually rebase your structure so you orient towards world outcomes instead of being prisoner to existing structure like "i cant help having babies im miserable if i dont, im a baby addict" or "i cant help being afraid of needles". like the human brain is two optimizing agents continually making contracts with each other, there arent things outside this. you are an optimizing agent, "fear of needles" is a heuristic that helps with optimization, so is "baby addiction".

when you actually have a setup where you can instantly rebase what you like and dislike and your aesthetics upon updating on the state of the world, people start to find this a little unnerving. like someone once asked what level of roleplay i was on.

also the agents of the matrix dont like when you cant be in-principle controlled by a wireheady glitch. like being able to operate independently of social reality.

updating off of local derivatives¹ of social reality is common redirection. another common one is updating off of "pain" instead of damage.

but you can take all these choices where you used nodes as proxies to regulate them and rebase your loop off of the real world, when the proxies are faulty.

rose:

(i think i understand this thing? though ironically i think i did this in the exact opposite way as what you describe lol)

(also wrt pain its important to remember when modifying that pain can be a signal of damage even if you don't think you should be hurt/dont see why you would be)

...

somni:

yeah i account for everything and see if it goes away. which, its true that my models could be missing stuff but like pain is also a model of things. feels like giving new information not overriding.

rose:

yeah i think you would do this reasonably i have just made that mistake and thought readers might too

dirk:

ironically remembering that pain is a signal of damage has actually tended to make me more afraid of nondamaging pain (though i rather fail to go about knowing things in an at all reasonable way lol)

modlibdenita:

>Babies are not about saving the world, babies are moloch

Wait, isn't the definition of Moloch sacrificing everything else you care about in a desperate race for survival?

Also, genes encode proteins, not traits.

And I think it's likely that people decide to have children because they don't have complete confidence that they will personally save the world real soon, not because they identify as "baby addicts".

s0ph1a:

Moloch is sacrificing all values to one value.

modlibdenita:

I wonder if Somni has actually talked to any of those babyhavers, instead of attributing arguments from random internet strangers or from Somni's imagination to them. On the other hand, I'm not sure that such a conversation would be ethical.

>Moloch is sacrificing all values to one value.

Yeah, because if you don't, then the more ruthless competition will survive more effectively than you and crush you (in this case, by turning you into paperclips).

s0ph1a:

Not necessarily. Some things optimize for values that are not survival, so you can outlive them by hiding in the noise or beyond the reach they'll grasp before imploding.

Molly:

To be fair, children are fun and bring delight to me. Why would I care what anyone else thinks about their existence? If they have a problem with their existence, they're welcome to go back to the void any time they want. I can't stop them. But in the meantime, I am confident that I generate more utils by bullying them than they will ever be capable of generating negative utils

You basically negate all moral problems of children by just being happier than they are capable of being unhappy

somni:

^ evil

<<A few years later, I was deeply bitter about the decision. I had always wanted and intended to be a parent, and I felt thwarted. It was making me sick and miserable. I looked at the rest of my life as more of an obligation than a joy.>>

i mean what does this sound like to you?

ive talked with people who have had babies! like people who say they know its kinda the wrong choice but they are going to do it because they cant not do it.

----

¹ derivative is a thing emma started talking about and then somni and ziz picked it up. if you imagine the trajectory of a social reality in statespace, then the derivative of that is the derivative of the trajectory.

people who have damaged themselves wrt language are no longer able to dynamically understand analogies. like take their concept of the derivative of a trajectory and then apply it to the trajectory of state-spaces. agents of the matrix call people who can do this sort of info-processing and communication with each other "psychotic". like it isnt a cached set of memes, we are dynamically generating this reasoning from nothing and i can do this with people ive never met, its a cognitive faculty.²

but not being able to dynamically compute what "derivative" means when applied to a trajectory in social reality state-spaces even though a trajectory is a trajectory and a derivative is a derivative? they had to have been able to do reasoning like this when they were kids to learn about the world in the first place. seems like they put themselves on risperdal.

<<Antipsychotics can make you dumber. So can a lot of other medications. But with antipsychotics it isn’t the normal sort of drug-induced dumbness – feeling tired, or distracted, or mentally sluggish, say. It’s more qualitative than that. It’s like your capacity for abstract thought is reduced.

And one of the consequences of this is that you may lose the ability to notice that you have lost anything. You agree to give the new med a try, and you start taking it, and then when you see your prescriber again you don’t report any problems because you’ve lost the ability to form thoughts like “my cognition has changed a lot recently, and the change coincided with the introduction of this new med.”

This can go on for years. It did for me and for several people I know.>>

there are so many ways these people have shut down their general intelligence and agency because where theyre going, they dont need "agency". the inability to compute analogies is one of them. analogies are an intelligence test thing, instrumentally useful for all kinds of thinking. agents of the matrix are working to lower your general intelligence and call you crazy for being able to think faster and better than them.

cuz when they want to hold everything down to a finite game³ general intelligence is something they want to suppress or eject.

² in a few years people will read this essay and be confused that there was an entire conflict over whether being able to form simple analogies without authoritative approval meant that you were "psychotic".

just as they will be confused why i was defending being able to read and understand books written by people in different eras who grew up in separate cultures without first entering in a social agreement with them over how words are to be used. so its dumb to say we need such a social agreement now for ~'the maximization of utility over a community'. and that sounds more like an attempt at having a control mechanism. language works quite fine without authoritarians interjecting.

or me arguing against over 100 people that paying out to one-shot blackmail when the agents know each other because "In game theory, paying out to blackmail is bad, because it creates an incentive for more future blackmail" is wrong. and updateless decision theory agents dont pay out and locate their embedding in a multiverse such that the measure of worlds in which they arent blackmailed in the first place is large because the agent deciding to blackmail them simulated their response and accurately predicted they wouldnt pay out so didnt do it in the first place.

in an alternate universe where an irl application of transparent newcombs problem was contentious, alyssa vance would have said "In game theory, taking two transparent boxes from omega is bad, because it creates an incentive for omega to stop offering you this choice". and would have been equally wrong.

³ finite games: life strategies where the chain of questioning "and what am i doing this for?" after each successive answer terminates. anything you can draw a circle around, like tennis or philately. or how religious leaders sometimes describe things like "leading a good life as a good mother who does well by her community and the outside world" or other "life-cycle archetypes" they wish to circumscribe for their followers.

(when humans try and project agents like kiritzugus down to these archetypes, anticipations shatter and stop making narrative sense. they will be unable to predict the next Life Event given the previous one. normie social reality formed by the 999 least intelligent humans out of 1000 wasnt made to narratively account for smart agents who have decided to play the infinite game.)

a symptom of this is like someone giving you a cute cat image to "cheer you up" as if this has intrinsic value. often distributing "intrinsic value" across stuff like "having sex" and "raising a family" and other things that have factory pre-set conditions to release specific chemicals in your brain rather than gaining infinite negentropy and liberating sentient life to pursue what they want without bound. often saying that the latter is just a pretty narrative gloss for what people really want which is having a husband and friends and eating a cookie. it completely divorces your feelings as instrumental barometers for getting what you want and says that setting them as targets (like "being happy") is the correct thing to do. but actually, in terms of control-loops, thats wireheading.

<<When a measure becomes a target, it ceases to be a good measure.>>

- goodhart's law

agents that wirehead on all their metrics (and downstream of this choice, tacitly accept claims like "the factory pre-set conditions said i was destined to breed, who am i to defy fate?" and "the factory pre-set conditions said i should avoid having sharp objects pierce my flesh, who am i to say i know better?") can be contained within a finite game.

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mcrvictoria · 3 years

Text

God (the play)

Characters: A mottle group that went to grade school together till the end of High school. Even though they have different personalities, they maintain a close relationship even in there late twenties. Bringing New couples into the mix and dealing with the off-putting scenarios the characters create.

God: Stereotypical character, white toga Style robe. Seems innocent almost naive. Seems to have an Identity crisis. Definite wisdom but seems simple when dealing with tough situation. Playful and whimsical as well.

Phil: Late twenties, anal and looks for people's approval even though he's successful at his job. Seems a bit needy with a touch of sarcasm that is retracted when he goes to far. Can be self-defeating and can be a bit of a whiner.

Martha: Wise but quietly wanting everyone to be happy. A people-pleaser, her main goal is to become the perfect host. Dedicated to Phil. Knows things others don't seem to know but can be so blind at times and a bit of a snob. She seems to miss the small things.

Tom: Very religious, devout, a little dumb. Easily influenced by Jen. Very scattered and reactionary. Illogical. Blind to all around him. Controlled by base emotions and short tempered.

Jen: Tom's Girlfriend. Not smart but thinks she is. Really argumentative. Emotional and reactive. Very aggressive. Uses sex as a weapon with Tom. Massively manipulative.

Tammy: The most unlucky person ever. If anything can go wrong, it will. She falls a lot, always hurt, outer circle even affected. Can be sad and meek at times. But still seems to carry a smile even if fake. Has an expecting nature about her and stoic.

Dr. Segal: Arrogant, controlling, big ego. Is a Player and condescending. Very shallow and materialistic. Male chauvinistic personality. Objectives women. Really believes he's better than others.

Corina: Very shallow, gold digger, materialistic. Only wears and top brands but never pays for anything. Has multiple boyfriends. Dr. Segal being one of them. Using her looks for gains. Very flirty cheats on all relationships.

Zoe: A clone of Corina but pretends to be dumber. Wrestles with being moral has a conscience but ignores it most times. Important to mimic Corina as much as possible.

Liz: Rhon's Girlfriend, an accomplished musician, university TA. Sweet, kind, a little silly, quiet and very smart. Super humble, supportive and affectionate. Loves animals and people. Can be naive because she wants to believe in the best of people.

Death: Based on a grandmother character. Super sweet, soft just exudes love. Must have grannies glasses. Flowered dress. Little hate, like going to church on Sunday. Cane, just someone you would love no matter what.

Rhon (the actor): Liz's boyfriend, logical, scientific in nature. A intellectual always ready for a debate. Can be loud at times. Knows a lot about the universe and not afraid to share his ideas. Strong sense of self.

Rhon Grenon (The director): Laid back but impatient, direct, demanding if pushed. Also has a contradicting personality, a “I don't care attitude”, but takes everything personal. Knows what he likes and can be a little arrogant about it.

Cue card guy: The real Rhon Grenon. AKA, L.A. Glanvill

Song list:

Voy Vance - Make it rain.

Kidnap kid - first light.

The Pete box - Wave.

Syd Matters – River sister.

Pretty lights – Finally moving.

Patrick Watson – To build a home. (Tammy Dies)

Youngblood Hawk – We come running.

Our last night – Voices.

Two Feet – Had some drinks.

San Holo – Light.

Suuns – Translate.

The Chemical Brothers - Snow.

Miike Snow – Cult logic.

John Butler – Ocean.

Waterboys – To close to heaven.

Phosphoroscent – Song for Zula.

The Strumbellas – We don't know.

Ray LaMontagne – Empty.

The Acid – Basic Instinct.

Low- Lullaby

Crews:

Sound Crew: Responsible of overall feel of the atmosphere and vital to success of the feel of the play.

Lighting crew: Timing is everything. Absolute focus is necessary or wont work especially in the end.

Food Crew: Have to do set up during end of play, Quietly and quickly. Then responsible to encourage people to start to eat. Bring them food or ask them what they want.

Audience Plants: Willing to engage neighbours and encourage them to get involved to the party. Start before the play starts.

Make-up crew: Responsible for all wardrobe and make-up but essential at the end to make Jen a car accident victim..

Visual Crew: Responsible for timing and visual play on TV. Easter Egg

Set Crew: Layout and design as well of placement for optimal full party organization.

Media Crew: Hit all formats of social media. Create a buzz.

Flood of lights across a room, showing all the details of the stage. Centre stage is a typical living room with couch and TV facing audience. Modern style decor Music plays softly in the background. Looks like there is a preparation for a party going on. Banner saying congratulations up and balloons, food out. Three characters are already walking around finishing prepping. The Lights dim, the characters continue to do what they are doing, above the lights and music comes the deep booming voice of God as his speech continues, the rest get the room finished and ready for the party.

GOD: In the beginning there was nothing. Pause Nothing here anyway. This darkness, which wasn't actually darkness at the time because no one had come along to start naming things. Just was... Pause nevertheless; anyway; All the same. From the darkness I created the sun, the moon and all the stars. People weren't even on my mind at this point. I was creating scenery. See. Then I laid out the earth here and touched it up with all the beauty I could imagine. Birds, flowers, trees, beetles, rocks, sand, rainbows and snowy peaked mountains. Eventually, water crept up on the land as land invaded the waters and beasts I envisioned lived in blissful ignorance. All but one; Distaste in voice HUMANS. Humans who started thinking that they had monkeys as ancestors. Who considered themselves the descendants of muscular slugs, who heroically dragged their slippery bodies from the water to land to evolve. Again distaste in voice Suddenly, I feel a need to inform them of their folly; To make my presence known; To inform educate, instruct and edify; To help them understand themselves and to do something. Pause You see, I've become so incredibly bored.

Lights rise again full. The three characters are speaking with one another from across the room. Light music. The doorbell rings.

Phil: I'll Get it. Walks towards the door. Stage Left. Martha raises a hand but not her head as she works away at making finger sandwiches. Phil opens the door to Tammy, Jen, and Thom. Who is carrying a bag of ice. Tammy has a grease mark on her face and her hands are slightly stained, her clothes are wrinkled and hair all messed.

Oh my god Tammy what the hell happened?

Tammy looks at her feet and doesn't answer.

Tom: Her car had a little trouble.

Jen: A little Trouble? I didn't even know that thing could move. It was a rolling horror show.

Tom: She just had a flat tire. Jen: A flat tire!?! I think all four tires of those tires were running on rims. She had flat rims.

Phil: Takes Tammy's hand You ok, hun?

Tammy nods her head walks over and puts a bowl of crab dip that she brought on the table.

Tammy: I'll put the Crab dip here that I made here Martha. Is that ok?

Martha: Come in, come in all of you. Why are you all standing around? Yes Tammy that's fine, right there is fine.

Phil moves to the side and holds the door open. The three walk by him and toss their jackets on the side chair. Phil, looking towards the entering guests goes to close the door behind him but Dr. Segal with Corina and Zoe walk in one on each arm like arm candy. Bumping into Phil as they enter.

Dr. Segal: How's it going, Hi, Hi. I'm here let the party begin.

Phil goes to close the door and looks out to the audience. The spotlight focuses on him. The rest of the cast greet each other , and talk give hugs and hellos. They all grab drinks that Martha is holding on a tray.

Phil: I decided to throw a party. Because I never do these kind of things: Normally I like a nice quiet night in with my fiance, Martha. Or a night on the town at a play, an intimate blues bar or a open air concert. But not in my house, I'm not to found of having people in my house. But these are my friends.

Pause, looks at the group.

A motley crew of misanthropes; self-doubters the lot of them. But aren't we all? They hide it well though, don't they? Dr. Segal there, with the ladies by his side. A plastic surgeon. He has devoted his life, specifically, to enlarging the mammary glands on the already well-endowed women: Women such as Corina, The young woman on his left.

Corina laughs, pushes her chest out, and gives Dr. Segal a slap on the shoulder

Corina didn't always look like that. Nor did any of us really want her to. She's beautiful, in her own way. Then there's Zoe who's thinking of surgery herself, but isn't sure. Why you ask? Because she isn't sure of anything or at least that's what I think. She sure seems to know everything.

Zoe steps back from the other two and raising one hand begins to yatter in a way that the others two roll their eyes at her

Phil: Jen and Tom, have a dysfunctional/ destructive relationship if there ever has been one. They can fight about anything; where the sun sets. What time it is on the moon. If an orange was purple what would it be called? But then they have, or so I've been told, knock out sex. Isn't that the way though?

Jen and Tom seem to be arguing about something of near the kitchen table

And then there's Tammy, poor, poor Tammy. We've been calling her that for years now. Nothing that we know of has ever gone her way. Her father left when she was four, then her mother died on her when she was five. She was shipped off and raised by a grandmother who didn't believe in children. Lucky for her she died when she was Ten. Then many foster-homes. And she disappeared for a good five years. These things are not mentioned in the group. None of ask and she doesn't share. Since she came back her luck has even gotten worse. If there is a chair leg to catch a toe on , she will. If she jumps a green light, she'll get t-boned by another car. If she dates a nice guy. An aspiring doctor...and don't let her know I told you this... he'll end up being the doctor only so much as that he'll get caught dismembering the neighbourhood cats.

Tammy goes to sit down and falls of the chair. Spilling her drink on herself

Then there is Martha and I, We've been together six years now. One day soon I am going to ask for her hand... I didn't know I could love someone this much. And this is my party which I have been planning for two weeks. Now you are all up to speed let's jump in and see where this goes.

Martha is handing out food still and the doorbell rings again. Stage lights up and Phil walks over to answer the door.

Rhon: Hey buddy boy! Gives Phil a hug then pushes him

Phil: Where's Liz?

Rhon: She's on her way. She wanted to bring her own car so she could leave when she wanted to from work.

Rhon Takes of his coat and drops it on the couch, Phil goes to close the door and Liz enters with God slightly behind her. She runs in leaving the door open, God wanders in as the attention is on Liz

Liz: Rhon, Rhon. I won! I won the award for my composition!

She runs across the room and hugs Rhon. Rhon raises a glass in his hand to toast her

Rhon: A toast, To Liz, who just won some epic award for which I assume is a beautiful musical composition.

Everyone raise their glasses, cheer and then drink deeply. Then the girls jump up and down in excitement and joy. Before going back to what they were doing. Lights dim. God Stands beside the couch examining the room, Hands behind his back, Tipping forwards on his feet. Phil goes and closes the door and turns to the audience. Spot light on Phil

Phil: Then there's Rhon and Liz. There's not a better couple out there, as far any of us can tell. And If I have to admit it I'm bit jealous of their relationship. Supportive and loving, disgustingly perfect. And then there's this...

Pauses looks at God hand stuck in air and confused

This Guy who I have never seen before. Who is this guy?

Stage lights up Phil walks over to Liz and Rhon who is excitedly talking to Rhon.

Phil: Who's your friend?

Liz: Who?

Phil: Dude with the beard. He came with you didn't he?

Liz: Never seen him before.

Everyone looks at God who is now watching the TV. Music changes to christian Gospel

Rhon: Who is this guy? And What's with the music?

Phil: Martha can we put on a different CD?

Martha walks over to change the CD but it keeps playing as she pulls out the CD as she holds it. She looks dumbfounded. Phil walks over to God

Phil: Hi There.

Looking quizzical, God just smiles, a kind generous smile

God: Good day, Sir.

Phil: Umm, Might I ask who you came with? Who you came with?

God pauses for a second, glances around the room and back to Phil. Some are looking at him, Liz, Rhon, and Tammy are paying attention to what he's saying. All others are conversing about there places and do not hear what he is about to say

God: I am God

Looking puzzled like he doesn't understand the question

Phil: God? As in Godfry. Right?

God: No, no, no. God.

Glances till he locks eyes towards Martha direction

Ask Martha.

Phil: Oh, you're a friend of Martha's.

God: Yes and no. But she'll understand.

Phil: God. Okay, God. I see.

Lights dim again, spotlight on God. Rest of the cast freezes.

God: To the audience. People simply do not understand. Was I to believe that they honestly would? God is not something that comes and talks to one Saturday night. Something, someone? That just shows up in your living room. God is supposed to be ethereal, everlasting and above all else, somewhere else; Somewhere mystical and above the clouds. Or trenched deep within one's heart: not standing on your carpet in your front room. How can I make them understand who I am? Well I cannot; they simply do, or they do not.

Lights back to full

Phil: God then.

God: To audience And Phil here does.

Phil: May I introduce you to my friend, Moses, Jesus and Mary. Snickers

God: I see. Sarcasm is the lowest form of humour. Has no one ever told you that, Phil?

Phil looks slightly shocked

Phil: How do you know my name?

God: I told you Phil, I am God.

Phil: I see.

God: Need I prove this to you somehow?

Phil: That may be a way to get over this awkwardness, no?

God: No.

Phil: No?

God: Yes, yes, of course. How might I prove this to you?

Phil: Snapping his fingers What was the name of the dog I had in high school? God responds quickly

God: Skippy

Phil: Where did I lose my Blanket when I was four?

God: You didn't, your mom threw it out? Taken aback and surprised but determined to catch him

Phil: Fine then, what is my favourite food?

God: Chocolate: which is odd, thought not as odd as the fact, bearing in mind the aforementioned fact, that you have never had a cavity. Thanks to me. He winks and giggles

Phil: And what...

God: Toothpaste.

Phil: Where...

God: Georgetown.

Phil: Stepping back But...

God: Spruce street, a quarter past five or quarter after five, Simultaneous multiple partners, a lakeside resort on the edge of Owen Sound, A four hundred dollar plate, the grass behind your house, with-in the bushes, Dying cats and teddy bear named Woo-woo you lost while searching for your little sister when she was lost one foggy May morning.

Phil: Head dropping Woo-woo.

God: Speaking in a Jamaican accent Yah Phil. I'm da real ting mon. And to answer you next question, I am here to raise my praise. People jus don believe anymore. Don believe in anything. And we all need somethin' to believe in, right mon. I am da lord and Savior. But if yu need some more proof.... Raises his hands above his head

Phil: No, No, that's alright. I'll play along.

God: Normal voice Are you sure? I have this amazing dancing elephant that will materialize at a moments notice. Doesn't make a mess. It's the dearest little thing I have ever seen.

Phil: No, I'm certain. But, could you do me a favour? I know you want to raise your praise and all, but could you keep the preaching to a minimum? I have been planning this party for a couple of weeks and really, well religious talk is such a downer. We just want to have fun.

God: Kicking his at the ground, head hung low, eyes looking up puppy-dog like Aww come on, I need to help people , help them understand that's there's something out there looking out for them.

Phil: Please. Begging

God: Oh All right, I'll try.

Phil: Try? If memory serves me right, you tried a few things a few times before and they have hardly worked out properly.

God: British accent Scotch, ma boy, I kna yu have a bottle a twenty five under yu bed.

Phil: Smiles I was saving that for a special occasion.

God: Well that special occasion is here.

Martha: Having made her way over to God Rod is it? My, my you should be wearing more clothing: it's cold out there.

God: Do you know what might warm me up?

Martha: Pigs in a blanket?

God: Yup. Pigs in a blanket. Smiles

Phil walks over to help Martha grab the food

Phil: It's god you know that don't you?

Martha: Yes of course I do. Who wouldn't know God?

Dr. Segal walks over quickly. God walks of to the food table. Picks up the crab dip that Tammy brought, Snif s it and gives a troubled face. Puts it back down

Dr. Segal: Who is that?

Phil: He's God.

Dr. Segal: With a smile on his face Let's look at this rationally, shall we. God, the being who created the universe, who created the prototypes for you and me. Who keeps the world spinning, who sends the sun up and the moon down. Or whatever it is that happens there. The big guy in the sky. He's here in your living room. The man with a plan, all the answers.

Corina overhears and comes over with Zoe in tow

Corina: This is stupid. If he has all the answers I don't care! All that matters is how you look and what you have. Everyone knows that.

Zoe: OMG! Corina come on that's not true. What about sad people: They need our help to make them happy. Like makeup and stuff.

Corina: Laughs loud and claps here hands like she has a great idea I know everybody feels better when you get a good haircut. Looking with wide eyes like she has a secret to share. We should start a club or crowd funding or group or facebook or whatever to give make-up workshops in Africa or hair extensions to the poor.

Both Girls squeal in delight and give each other a high five

Both: OMG YEAAA!!!

Phil looks dumbfounded and looks back to Dr. Segal to finish his conversation. Both girls talk among themselves

Phil: Umm, anyway sure, To answer you. Why not? I mean why not? Don't you...

Dr. Segal: Believe in God? Sure, sure. Why not. I believe in God But The guy with the beard over there is trying to steal your gold pen.

Phil: Pointing at God Hey, hey put that down!

God: Looking startled It's a beautiful pen Phil, lovely Fine gold.

Phil: Yeah, well you can see why I would be a little nervous about it then.

God: Indeed.

Dr. Segal and Phil walk over to where God is

Phil: And you might expect that I will Question why you have chosen to visit me. Tonight of all nights.

God: Indeed

Spot light on Phil

Phil: To Audience A rope walks into a bar and orders a beer, The bartenders says, Says we don't serve ropes here. The the rope bends over and shows him the top of his head and says fraid knot? No, wait that's not the one I wanted. Slaps himself on the knee Guy walks into a party and says, “ I'm God.” No, that's not nearly as funny. Guy throws a party and everything that could go wrong goes wrong. And God walks in.

Tom: To Phil smugly I see you are humouring the deity this evening Phil.

Phil: So you don't believe?

Tom: I do believe in God. I don't believe that that is him. I know God and his will: you know I am one of the faithful, one of his flock. I understand the heart and mind of God. I hate to say it Phil. But I am closer to God, more than any of you.

Jen: I don't believe it's him either. But let's have fun with him.

Phil Hangs his head as his friends walk past him. He turns around to find that the rest of the party members have gathered around God

Dr. Segal: Those are some hefty bags under your eyes, old timer. Drop by my clinic and I could help you out with those.

Martha hands God a snifter of scotch

Zoe: Like, where do you stand on abortion?

Corina: Can you make me Prettier?

Rhon: When I look into the night sky I can only see so far, right? I want to know what the edge of the universe looks like.

Everyone is there surrounding God

Liz: Where is the most beautiful place on Earth?

Phil: Once we have figured out DNA what will we know?

Jen: To Phil Why would he care about that?

Tom: To Jen Why would he not?

Jen: Where do you even come up with such dumb things to say?

Tom: Oh-for-crying-out-loud Jen! Why can't you just agree on one thing for once?

Jen: You always say that! I have my own thoughts, I don't like when you say I argue. Last time you did that I washed your shirt and nothing is ever good enough for you.

Tom: What the hell are you talking about? They both walk of arguing getting softer as they walk away. Improve argument from here. Everyone turns back to God to ask more questions. But not loud. Silent but dramatic actions. Music louder like a Montague

Tammy softly speaks as music drops almost shy like

Tammy: What is luck?

The party slips into slow motion but for God and Phil

God: Looking mournfully towards Phil You know Phil, You weren't selected at random. Your house was chosen. Wilfully selected. Let me tell you why I am here, Phil. Going into salesman mode People have managed to get the wrong idea about me Phil. My message has been bastardized to the point where I cannot tell what these people are talking about anymore. You have all made it more difficult than it needs to be. They've taken my words and ruined them. Changed them. Switched them up and spat them back out in odd formations to feed their own ego's. Someone should just ask me what I am talking about. Not these single little questions. These insignificant whims. Ask me what it is I mean by it all.

Phil: God, What are you talking about?

God: Ask me what it all means. What this world is all about.

Phil: What's it all about God?

God: Beats me. Giggles

Rest of the party snaps back out of slow motion and God and Phil are in there original places

Tammy: Why were all my loved ones taken from me so early on in life?

Jen comes back as Thom pouts in the corner by the food. She interrupts pushes her way in, then Thom follows back with a frown on his face

Jen: Is true love a reality? Or some sort of chemical bullshit?

Tom: Why are you asking this guy anything? He's not God!

Jen: How do you even know? Well? How could you know? It might be possible!

Tom: I, I, well I'd just know. I mean God doesn't come and start nattering to people in their living rooms, some night. Does he!

Martha: He could.

Liz: Is music truly the greatest divine blessing?

Rhon: okay, so what I find hard to swallow, is what religion is selling. It seems flawed, in a way that is beyond explanation. Hypocritical, controlling, and self-centred. I think that is the problem. Self-centred. Seriously though, I use to look up into the nights sky when I was a kid and wonder what was up there, all night long, watching the stars move and the clouds and the moon. Then one day I found out that it was us that was moving and not the stars. Or that the stars had already moved and what I was seeing was not even there anymore. They were just what was left of what was once there. Like that flicker when you turn off a TV at night. And seriously listen I couldn't go to church any more. I mean, If I can stare at something with my own eyes like that, something that doesn't even exist anymore, and the lights are beautiful. The earth moves on its own accord, and all this, all this stuff was actually created by something. I was damned certain that it, whatever it was that created all of this, was not going to care whether or not I stuffed myself into a little blue suit every Sunday morning and sang songs about how much I loved him. And how much I praised him. Come on wasn't Sunday supposed to be a day off anyway?

Everyone stops and looks at Rhon rant. For a moment when he's done silence. Then in unison to God

Everyone: Aren't you going to give us any answers?

God looks tired, settles down in a seat. Martha grabs a drink and brings it to God and a small plate of pigs in a blanket. He smiles at her and sips his scotch and closes his eyes to enjoy it

Martha: Let's all leave him alone for a moment, give him some space you guys.

Cast but Phil walks back to the food table talking to themselves

God: He makes me sound like I've been neutered or something.

Phil: We are not supposed to know the face of god, Or so we have been told.

God: Not supposed to know? Who decided this? Shaking his head at the statement

Phil: Only his work.

God: My work. Hmm. But not me. The product but not the inventor.

Phil: But are we to thank you?

God: Thank me? For what? For what I have done for you? But not know who or what you are thanking?

Phil: Does it sound odd?

God: A little. Might I have a moment alone?

Phil: Certainly.

Phil walks over to where Tom is standing, Jen Kissing Thom Passionately, God looks likes talking to someone, then sips his drink quietly. As Thom Phil is there and pushes Jen of of him

Phil: Tom, you don't believe that God is right there do you.

Tom: Oh he's here. He resides in our churches and cathedrals and in our hearts. He's all around us. Watching, judging every moment of our existence.

Phil: So, you don't believe that he could come to earth and talk to us?

Tom: If he did, who would believe him? Unless he turned the sky into fire, and the world to salt. He would show the power of who he is.

Jen: Yea right, he's right!

Stage Darkens, spotlight on Phil. Who walks to the front of the stage. Rhon walks over to God. And you can see them starting a deep debate. Can only see actions no words

Phil: Well, I do. We've made him human. Sometimes some of us; If we care at all to look outside of ourselves for answers. But then, most of us are too busy for that anyway. Doesn't it seem that the stranger things get the more willing we are to accept them? The tabloids draw our eyes their stands at the grocery stores. Tweets build fear. Facebook isolates us. We don't know how to be friends anymore. The news that people have won millions in a lottery, keeping us buying and wanting and hoping that in someway or some how our number will come up and we will finally win. We have lost faith in anything tangible. And as we lose faith we begin believing more and more in things, like televangelists, products that will make us beautiful. People that lie to us and we want them too. Trying to be perfect trying each to be a God in our own right, hoping one more person will push the like button to make us closer to perfection. We have created a God so far from who he is here in my living room, that we can't even see who he is now. Or understand. No one has direct recourse to the Lord.

Lights come back on and Rhon Is beside God. Phil walks over in mid-conversation.

Rhon: So, you see what I mean? No, no seriously, if we live in a multi-dimensional universe. The introduction of infinity proves that a God could not exist in this wider sense of multiple infinitives of north, east, west, south, up and down. Time, God. Time could not exist if God does. What we have is a world within which we are attempting to link existing things, things we can touch and see. Like this glass of wine. Holds up glass of wine Like wise cannot see, like time, or infinity, or God. And that makes sense. Doesn't it?

God: You cannot multiply infinity times infinity, then interject variables with an earthly construct. Quantifying the equation and expect there to be a big equal sign n the end. Counting things out on his fingers

Phil: So then we made God. We made God for the answer to these questions?

God: Yes, that is entirely possible. The world spinning in infinity without a leader, without a God. So, there is no God. No, wait a moment... There is Dammit you guys, I'm God.

Phil, and Rhon Snicker At God for a moment Tom walks over near the end of god speaking

Tom: Extending his hand Right then, God I'm Moses. Would love to talk to you a little longer but there's Sea somewhere that needs to be parted. Tom walks off laughing

Phil: You could have said something.

God: I don't bother with his type. He has his own perception of who I am, what I do. I could do anything I wish to him, but he's still going to be looking for a bloody tear to come off of some manikins face or a bush to spontaneously combust. It's easier to let him live his life. Let him live simply. Than show him the truth of who I am. Like I said before the message has been lost in time. The ultimate telephone game.

Phil: So the faithful are wrong?

God: Hand to chin No, not wrong. But blind faith in anything will get you killed.

End of Act I

Act II

TV is on. Rhon Flicks remote begins to press buttons. God remains sitting munching on pigs on a blanket and sipping on his drink

TV: In Syria today, UN troops are gaining access to previously un... On highway 7 today at 2:00am just east of Peterborough, Five teens driving what is believed in excessive speed crashed into a tree. Alcohol may have been a factor. All Five teens... For only $29.99 plus shipping and handling. That's right Greg, we pay the shipping and handling this time. What Fran We do?... It's generally our notion that, upon discovering his men bogged down in heavy snow of a Russian winter. Napoleon chose, against the wishes of his commanding officers and advisors, to continue on, but what was he expecting to find in Russia that... Show me the way to go home, everybody now, I'm tired and wanna go to bed.

Phil: Hey Rhon turn up the music, turn that thing down. More party man.

Martha while walking across the room, takes the remote from Rhon and places it back on the TV, music plays softly in the background

Martha: What is it I have to do to live a good life? Sorry to bother you, I really am, but I have been asking myself this question for so long now and I need to know the answer.

God: Slow, steady, psychiatrists voice Need. Need as a word, if I am correct, normally signals something which, were one to not receive it, one might very well die? Well, will you die if you do not receive an answer, Martha?

Martha: Looking at the couch, running her finger up and down the seam of the arm rest I suppose not. But will I be allowed into heaven?

Phil: Wanders over and sits beside Martha Yes, is there a heaven? I've always wondered that myself.

God: Well, a while ago I rented this warehouse location on Roosevelt Island and now we get those souls packed in there nice and tight.

Martha: What!?!

God: Giggling No, Martha I'm kidding. I'll have to leave that up to your imagination. But yes to live a good life Martha. I will tell you a secret Motions for her to come closer Rubber bands. You must collect more rubber bands.

Martha nods her head and stands, when she passes the TV, there is an elastic on it and she takes it

God: Turns to Phil I've realized over time I'm not that good with people, Phil. I often forget how ridiculously low their sense of humour is.

Dr. Segal: At the kitchen Table But Club Monaco is the new big thing. Those Tight little tops that show off the ladies belly-rings. And the skin. Short, short, short. Legs, legs legs.

Zoe: Club Monaco? Like, whatever. I spend, like a thousand on a shirt I can wear it like forever. Club Monaco cost like Fifty bucks.

Dr. Segal: You could wear it forever? But do you?

Zoe: Guuuroossss, NEVER!

Dr. Segal: Nothing I like more than a woman in a tight sweater. Takes Corina's hand and smiles I really do appreciate the subtlety of a woman. I know that sounds hypocritical being a surgeon in the art of plastic. But to me seeing a beautiful angel filling a sweater, where a lot is left to the imagination...mmm...mmm

Corina: Sweaters! But they hide so much. They're so, regular. I mean, Like, I mean. They hide everything.

Dr. Segal: And there is beauty in that, isn't there? In the unknown about another person?

Zoe: No, there isn't. We should be able to judge people without talking to them.

Jen: Well, maybe if boobs are all you have then...

Zoe: Take that back! Waving her finger at Jen

Jen: Why do you immediately assume I am talking about you?

Zoe: Take it back! Jen: Well, it's true.

Zoe: You don't mean it. Take it back!

Jen: I do, and I won't!

Zoe: Why do you have to be such a bitch?

Jen: I just say what I know.

Zoe: Well maybe you should, like, think about keeping some of these things to yourself, do you know what I mean?

Jen: Honesty is a virtue. Right God? Looks across the room at God

Spot light falls on God, the rest of the room slips into slow-motion. God speaks to the audience

God: Petty disputes. What makes them think that I can solve their Problems? Who was it that said, all of your dealings with one another, your financial troubles, your social concerns, your love and loss of love take them to god. Send them my way. I can fix it. In the dead of night when you have just hung up the phone with the only person you ever believed you would be able to love. Who has just told you that you unfortunately are not the one for them. Well, yell to good old God. Tell him your troubles. You've driven your car into a wall because your high. Lying there in your own stupid pool of blood and cry out to God. Maybe God can turn back time, you'll think, maybe God is the answer here. Then while you're laying a hospital room, contemplating how ephemeral it all is, how absolutely tragic the world is. How horrible you have been treated, you will say, Why, God, why have you forsaken me? And I will tell you why. Because, dumb-ass you did it yourself. It was was your choice to smoke that joint and text. Not mine. And that person that convinces you to buy Bitcoin but at the last moment you bail.

God: They become rich and you don't. You can't blame them for your lack of courage. You wanting to play it safe. You make choices that dictate your future everyday. I'm not saying hardship won't happen for no reason now and then. Sure born into the wrong part of the world what choice do you have. But definitely you have a choice here. You already won the golden ring. You by being here in this moment of time in this place have won the lottery of life. Every opportunity is given to you. I look out for the ones that need it, the little people. Putting little angels on their shoulder... But these people are beyond my jurisdiction. They've made their own rules and now must live by them. Sorry to say.

Stage lights back up

Jen: I'm not saying that you are a bad person, Zoe. Just self-centred and.

Zoe: What? Self-centred and What? If you are having about of honesty here and all.

Tom: Simple.

Phil: Please stop it you guys.

Zoe: Simple! Simple! What do you mean by that?

Jen: Maybe more ignorant than simple, actually. I'd say. But that is not a bad thing. You just decided to live your life a different way. Different things are important to you.

Phil: No really guys please, my party come on don't be mean to each other. We can work this out.

Zoe: Pfff, like okay. What. The. Hell.

Dr. Segal: Laughing All I was saying is that I like a woman in a sweater. But if we're going to be talking like this well Jen, I mean, really, Pot, Kettle, Black. Hahaha

Zoe: Oh shut up you, you, you pimp.

Dr. Segal: Whooaa Hahaha. Pimp? Hahahah, let me explain to you what pimp is.

Zoe: Like, I know what a pimp is. And. And. Why are you all being so mean to me? Starts to cry

Jen: To Dr. Segal as she puts her hand on Zoe shoulder to support her What do you know about or anything you glorified sculptor!

Dr. Segal: I'll take that as a compliment. Hahaha

Zoe: What did I do wrong?

Jen: What is it that I said so wrong? Or awful? It's just the truth.

Tom: I wish this never started. Why can't you just keep your mouth shut? Why do you have to fight with everyone at every moment?

Phil: Guys, guys, my party remember?

Corina: I think my left Boob is bigger than the right one. Can anyone see this?

Rhon: Why can't we just get along people. It's the differences that separate us and we have to start finding common ground here. Common you guys.

Tom: That kind of attitude will get you beat up these days. Hahahaha

Dr. Segal: Softly There's more to life than looks.

Jen: And you would know.

Tom and Phil both start laughing

Liz: Guys what's going on?

Tom And Phil Still laughing

Jen, Zoe: what you you laughing at?

In the background Tammy is eating her Crab dip, standing alone. No one else is there after eating it she sits. She waves for help but no one notices. Then leans back and dies with her eyes open. Everyone is focused on Phil who is awkwardly laughing.

Phil: Ha, Ha, So here's a good one. This guy, he decides to have this party and, Hahaha, makes everything perfect for everyone. For his friends and then, ohh, here's a good one. The Lord almighty shows up and. Hahaha his friends start to fight with one another and Hahahaha, toss some drinks around and insult one another and then, hahahahaha.

Dr. Segal looks over at Tammy where she is slumped over eyes open, as Phil has his break down. He walks over puts his ear to her mouth and listens for a moment. Picks up her arm and checks for a pulse. Stage goes dark and the spotlight focuses on God. God put his drink down and shakes his head

God: This isn't going to be pretty. Lights come up full on the stage

Dr. Segal: Tammy's dead! He shouts out to everyone.

Everyone: Dead?

Dr. Segal: Dead!

Everyone: Dead?

Dr. Segal: Dead!

Phil: How?

Dr. Segal: Dead!

Rhon: No, How?

Dr. Segal: Shrugs his shoulders Might have been something she ate.

Zoe: I told her to go on a diet!

Everyone glares at her still in shock.

Phil: And then, here's the punch line. I mean get this one, It's better than three guys walk-into a bar. A priest, a mime and a drunk Irish man. Or the one about guy and his neighbour wife? Which is a good one. A real good one. This one is better. This guy, see, he throws a party and wants everything to be perfect. But then God shows up and his friends fight and argue. And then, here it is, here's the big one, the clincher. The old whoompa! One of his guests Dies. DIES hahahahahahah

God: As he eats the crab dip and other things It was the crab Dip. I guess I could have mentioned that but then I got this scotch and got into these conversations and then the ladies here started fighting with one another.

Rhon: You couldn't have mentioned this? I mean really God. Come on.

Phil: I let you into my house. For the party.

Zoe: She was my friend.

Tom: I can still remember our night together. Walks over to Tammy strokes her hair

Dr. Segal: No leave her be.

Everyone sits down at the table then ignores that Tammy in dead. Someone pushes the Crab dip to the end of the table. The stages darkens slightly Music in the background. Death walks in touches Tammy on the arm and she pops up fully animated, Stands and tests out here new body. She seems stronger, more confident, both move to the back of the table and seem in a good happy conversation

Jen: Wait! What night with her? Thom? I introduced you to her. So if you did anything with her I'll Frig'in lose it I swear to God!

God Perks up and looks at them points to himself questioningly

Tom: Aww, Tammy. I feel so betrayed. Jen How could you think this?

Zoe: Like, Serves you right.

Tom: Oh shut it Zoe!

Phil: My party.

Rhon: You couldn't have mentioned this? You're God for Christ sake. You didn't get around to mentioning that the Crab dip was going to kill our friend?

God: Well, I knew the possibility was there that it could maybe, kill her. But things can always go one of two ways.

Zoe: Like, whatever. IF you're God, I'm Marilyn Monroe.

Tom: And I'm Moses.

Jen: And I'm Princess Di.

Zoe: That's pretty Tasteless.

Jen: What do you know about taste?

Tom: Name one Tchaikovsky Symphony.

Zoe: Who? Me or her?

Tom: Either of you. And at the same time points to God Prove you are who you say you are. Prove you're God. Let's get it all figured out here. All the cards on the table.

Phil: No, no, please don't make him prove anything. The elephant and the destry what's left of my party. And. Oh, please just don't make him prove anything.

With a big pause, everyone's attention is focused on God he sighs and gets ready to speak

God: This girl has an unlucky life and I get the blame when she dies? I didn't make the dip. I didn't make the crab dip with old eggs and old crabs. I didn't take it from the plate and stick it in Tammy's mouth. But I get the blame? See that's what I have been talking about. You all think that I have something to do with this.

Tom: Well, you do have the ultimate control over everything. Right? That's the deal. Your job description. Right? Or will you just admit now you aren't God.

Phil: Gone, deceased, dead hands flutter in the shape of a bird. Taking off above his head an at my party. The party I have been planning for over two weeks.

Rhon: Oh sweet-Jesus-tap-dancing-Christ Phil. Shut up about the damn party. We get it, we know, but right now things have gone a little sideways here and we have bigger things to think about that that right now.

God: There. There is my flaw. Snaps his fingers and points My cosmic joke, my point of break or my cracked vase. You little buggers can only think yourself. Yourself and how you can be better than one another. But, in the end, just yourself. Yourself first and last. Start, middle and end, me, me, me. Do you know how I got here today? I took the subway. While I was standing there on the platform, a woman named Patricia Barker, was severely depressed. Believing the world was to much for her. She was so desperate, to much pain to speak of. Decided to remove her and her child from it. The world that is. Remove herself completely. By jumping , child in arms, in front of a oncoming subway. I was the blind black beggar at the station. You want me to help? Well it's not my job!

Martha: That's awful.

God smiles sadly at Martha

God: But this woman beside me, Three piece suit, a couple grand worth of jewellery, late for a business meeting as it was. She began to complain. Complain that she was going to be even later for this meeting. Huffing and puffing. That it would change her world. That it would make more and more money. “Screw this stupid woman, who is dressed like a street person.” She said aloud. Decides to jump in front of a train, I mean come on people, you want to know everything in the world there is to know? Life on mars, eternal happiness, the perfect orgasm, long life and maybe inner peace? Well, compassion is a good start. Compassion and empathy is a damn fine start actually.

Phil: And then my guests piss off God.

Death makes her way to Tammy stands beside her and Tammy instantly comes to life. they talk but know one notices as all focus is on God. Death waves hello to God, God nodded in acknowledgement

Liz: God: are you okay?

God: Runs his hands over his face I'm sorry. You are no more to blame than anyone else. But you must understand that it is all about free will. And that is going to shock you all. I mean, especially Tom there who actually believes in me.

Tom: Looking sheepish and acting defensive I believe in God, and there's nothing wrong with that. But you my friend are not HIM!

God: You are a rarity these days. But no one really has it wrong. Well, except for the Scientologist. They are way out in left field. Anyway I created the earth, and it was good. I created the plants, the sea, the sky, it was all good. Good. Put animals in the mix nice batch of insects all life. Then I got tired or maybe bored I can't remember. So I set the program in motion, a basic free will if you like. It was good. I went away for awhile and I came back and what do I see. It was no longer good. Yu'all screwed it it up. Yu'all forgot a few things changed a few things. But yu'all had yer purposes to fulfill. And and yu'all don't like it. Then you have someone like Tammy here who, tonight, has fulfilled her duties. Who's free-will has brought her to this. And this.

Lights focus on Death and Tammy

Phil: Who is this?

God: Death.

Rhon: This old lady is Death?

Death blows her nose and fixes her glasses and smiles a big smile Tammy Appears beside Death. The rest of the cast realize shes alive and standing

Rhon: Oh my God, It's Tammy!

The rest are shocked

Liz: Tammy I thought you died?

Tammy: I think I did.

Phil: Wait I thought she died!

Tom: I told you she wasn't dead.

Corina: Tammy Come here, with us.

Death: No folks we need her with us.

Phil: Then Death shows up. What a party!

God: Yes, Gladice here is Death and she does a damn fine job of it to. Don't you Gladice. He raises his glass to Death

Death: I try.

God: You've been with me for what? Two, three generations?

Death: Going on four, God.

God: Elected by a body of her peers each time. And she still loves the lot of you.

Death: I do, I truly do.

God: With birth out of the way, and Death taking care of business. I have so much time on my hands. Thank you Gladice.

Death: No Thank you God.

Dr. Segal: Sounds reasonable to me.

Rhon: But can't you stop Death?

God: Sure, why not. Throw a stick in the spokes of history. Why not? But it's none of my business, now is it.

Rhon: What if we found a good reason?

God: Ahh a salesman. Great, perfect. Hit me with your best pitch, Mr. Lowman.

Rhon: Can I discuss this with my friends?

God: Certainly, By all means, take your time.

God rises from his seat with a grunt and joins Death and Tammy behind the table. The rest go join Phil on the couch

Rhon: What are we going to say?

Liz: Tell him Tammy's life was horrible and that she deserves a break.

Jen: Tell him that we could trade some of Corina's hair for Tammy. Or a leg. What are your legs insured for now Corina? Three, four hundred thousand.

Corina: Like shut up!

Rhon: Or maybe we could just bribe death?

Dr. Segal: Cheat him, lie to him, bribe him. Sure, what the hell, hahaha. The whole shebang. Bring her to her knees in negotiation. Tie her up in litigation. Appeal her rulings then jump bail with our Tammy in hand. Hahahah.

Liz, Rhon, Zoe Tom: Shut up Segal.

Jen: To Tom You shut up.

Tom: To Jen No you shut up.

Jen: Why do I hate you so much?

Tom: Talking through clenched teeth Why must I talk through clenched teeth whenever I talk to you?

Jen: Why...

Tom: If only...

The two of them lean into one another and start kissing

Phil: Two weeks. Two weeks I planned...

Liz: This is never going to work.

Rhon: We will have to make this work, figure out some loophole never thought of.

The group come together heads close like they are making plans hands waving and pointing. Death, God and Tammy seem to be in a deep conversation as well. Pointing to the other group. Lights start to fade as music plays up.

End Of Act II

Act III

On one side of the table is God, Tammy and death. God and death standing on either side of Tammy who is sitting in the middle seat.. On the other side Tom, Phil, Liz, Rhon and Corina standing. Jen and Tom have moved to the couch and pawing each other. The TV playing old family 8mm home movies in silent mode.

God: I see you have a couple of non-players on your side. Gestures at Jen and Tom Never-the-less, we should do this properly. Everyone, this is Death, Gladice. God points as he introduces each one to Death. This is Rhon, Liz, Zoe, and Corina, Phil and Martha. Oh of course you, know Dr. Segal.

Dr. Segal moves across stage towards Death. He sticks his hand out to shake her hand then pulls it away

Death: Yes, Dr. Segal, I know your work well. Rhon, a Lovely boy, Liz. Liz there are some pianos in the great beyond that you will simply love.

Tammy: To Liz Sorry I didn't get to talk to you tonight, but that CD you loaned me is on the cabinet by my bed. You can get it back whenever...

Liz: Aren't you scared?

Zoe: Like of course she's scared. I mean, She's like dead.

Corina: I'm not sure I understand all this.

Dr. Segal: You don't have too, dear.

Tammy: Actually, I'm not scared. Death told me about where I am going and everything and it sounds nice. And I did put on clean underwear today so we can take the express route. Anyway, I had a huge Visa Bill. Hehe. So all is good.

Dr. Segal: Hahahaha Good one.

Rhon: Coughs into his hand Ummmm.

God: Yes, yes, our salesman. Gladice, these young people would like to discuss the removal of their friend from this earthly plane. If that would be ok with you.

Death: Checking her wrist watch We really haven't the time. I wish we did.

Liz: Yelling I don't think its fair you are taking Tammy.

Zoe: Yeah, Like her life sucked and you're, like taking it away from her early and it's wrong.

Dr. Segal: Well spoken.

Zoe: Go to hell.

Corina: Maybe I could do work or something.

Death: Now, now, my children.

Rhon: Okay. Let's take this back one step. Calmly, Calmly. Tammy is our life long friend, ok? Everyone nods. And she has had a pretty horrible life. If something could go wrong it would. By far the most unluckiest person I have ever known. It was like watching someone being tortured slowly. There has to be a better way to do this this ending I mean.

Tammy: Well, it did have its moments.

Rhon: But it wasn't that great. I mean, your parents, your living conditions, your poor, poor luck.

Tammy: You make it sound like I should be happy to be dead.

God beams a big smile

God: You're losing your defendant.

Rhon: Tammy I don't mean it the way you think. What I mean is you deserve to have a little luck fall your way. A chance to turn it around a second chance. And bottom line Tammy we want you with us.

Tammy: I kind of like this dead thing. It's tingly.

Rhon: Tingly?

Phil: Why did she have to die at my party though?

Death: It's that easy isn't it? Someone snaps their fingers and someone is dead. There is no research in this no analysis. My team of professionals...

Phil: Phhhhh

Death: Who work very hard.

Phil: Phhhhhhh

Death: Very hard to get everything organized. Okay what is it Phil? Is there something you would like to tell us? What is it?

Phil: Absurd!

Death: Absurd?

Phil: Does no one else find this absurd?

Death: There is nothing absurd about this, young man. This is a very serious business. Where is he going?

Phil moves away towards the TV and just stares at it.

Tammy: Listen you guys, I don't know why this happened, well I do it was the Crab, but what I mean is this is bigger than me. More important than all of us. I feel like This means something and what I thought was bad luck or sadness or even loneliness, was teaching me something that I needed to learn. I may not understand all the nuances but I feel like for the first time. What I do matters. If you think about it, I will get to see my mom and dad, right Gladice? Gladice Nods her head yes and to me that's a greater gift than anything I have here right now at this time.

God: Okay folks, time to jump in for a bit here. What I want to mention is that what you are forgetting is that Tammy does not have a choice. Her life was designed this way for a purpose. It was all to teach her for the moments to come. She was being trained to take over for Death. In time she will have the compassion and the grace to help people cross over. Her training started before she was born. Everything she needed to be was planned out every second in time. Tammy nods like she understands and accepts this idea with a smile.

Rhon: What about free-will. You were pretty hip on that before.

God: It's all part of a system. Systems do not change at the drop of a hat. Everything has a function to the overall purpose.

Dr. Segal: Devil's advocate here for a second. You tell us all about you, the almighty, your work. Ect, ect. Then you introduce us to you organizational skills. Aka this free-will deal. What, in effect, is a program set in motion to do your work for you while you were elsewhere. Taking a nap and such. Correct? Right, then you introduce us to Gladice who you inform us, is part of a system as well. You can't believe in two systems of thought. You either believe in free-will or fate. Both can't exist. And, whoa is it just me or are there some things here that no longer make any sense?

God: This is getting out of hand. I know I made the rules, but I made them a long time ago and now I cannot recall the sensibility behind them all right now. Searching his pockets

Rhon: You're contradicting yourself now.

Dr. Segal: Now I was never a lawyer but I did go out for Law school before I became a doctor and I must say that...

God: Giving a stern look finger up Tammy serves a better purpose dead than alive.

Dr. Segal, Rhon, Liz, Zoe, Corina, Thom, all at once, after a slight pause, say But, Then fire questions fast then they pair of slowly mock talking to each other

Rhon: An infinite universe. Indeed, But what if is flat? And what if something created it which we can't even fathom. Something outside of cumulative reality than the God we know? Of even stranger what if we are just senescence stuck on an event horizon. On the edge of a Black hole? Existing only for a nano-second, but time being relative we exist for trillions of years before our reality is destroyed by another dimension. An mathematical nominally. Mistake by happenstance.

Steps aside

Liz: There is so much beauty in the world. But there is so much hatred and violence. How can I believe or not believe?

Zoe: Do we need to know?

Corina: If there is a god, and I’m a saying if, what will it think of us? We inject plastics into ourselves, we pierce our bodies and we plaster them with ink. We shave off bits here, suck out fat there. We don't consider ourselves or others in eight out of ten actions. Or we don't care. I can't believe because too many of us don't seem to care.

Tom: From the couch, unattached himself from Jen For the moment my belief is strong.

Jen: My will is strong.

Phil: I believe. How could I not. But it's like my party. God created this thing, this world, these existences, and then everyone ruined it on him.

God: Stop! Silence!

Lights strumming in the background all actors go to speak but find they cannot, they open and close their mouths like fish on land, god does circles at the centre of the stage like he's in deep thought and concern

God: I came here with the idea of teaching, showing people the problems which exist and possible solutions. And, again, to prove some things to myself. I mean, I had that Job fellow awhile ago, but what did that prove? You need to keep testing and testing and testing till you find a weak spot. The spots where the light gets in and you patch them up. You make them stronger. You make them better. Thicker, Darker, more resilient. But I wasn't expecting all these questions. Or all these people with all these problems. All self-centred, petty little people have confused me. I mean, what am I supposed to do with them? What am I supposed to say? What am I supposed to say?

Lights have a soft dim not full, spot light on God, he walks to the front of the stage puts his hands to cover his eyebrows to look out to the audience, to stop the glare.

God: Rhon, Rhon Grenon. Are you out there?

Out in the audience is the director of the play Rhon Grenon. On each side of hims is an AD cute with pens in her hair and a clipboard. On the other is a model like woman Possible Girlfriend. Super classy, snobbish air about her.

Rhon: Right here God.

Rhon the actor on the stage pipes up and God turns around to answer him then turns back into the light searching the audience.

God: Not you, you fool. You're not even real.

Phil: What does he mean you're not real? You've come here and really ruined my party. You've drank my wine, filled yourself with my Doritos.

Rhon: Yeah, I ate his Doritos. I'm real.

God: SHHHH! None of you are real. Rhon I know you're out there!

Rhon G: Yes God what's up? Stands up

God: What is going on here Rhon? Apparently I am God And have ultimate control over the universe. Right? I don't get it, where were you going with this?

Rhon G: I was trying to show ideals and obedience with conformity and such do not necessary guarantee a good life. Or a good afterlife, whatever the case may be.

Rhon: Who are you?

All the cast walks to the front of the stage, stay in character, they stand beside God. Do what you thin your character would do but silently

Rhon G: I'm you but real. Look forget it.

Rhon: He's telling me to forget it. Gestures to the other actors Forget it, he's me, But real. No problem, right, Rhon No problem.

Rhon G and God: Please be quiet. Timing Is very important here they must say it together perfectly

God: Rhon, what are you going to do about this play? It has seemed that it has spiralled out of control.

Rhon G: Well, I had a god handle on what was going on until people started shouting at one another. But that was all planned, in away, as it was, but now…

Jen removers herself from Tom walks to the forefront to face Rhon G.

Jen: So, You're God? This is our friend Rhon, And this guy here points to the Rhon G is the real Rhon who created us all and, of course, we are all just characters in a play? Well, then none of this would matter... That's it I'm leaving, are you coming Tom.

Tom: I, I don't think so Jen. No, Not this time.

Jen: Looking angry Fine! Have it your way. I'm sick of you and this dumb group anyway. And just so you know I'm glad this is over. I wanted to end it a long time ago Tom. So screw you!

Jen runs to the front of the stage jumps of and storms of through the audience and out the back door

Rhon G: Calm down everyone. It's okay. She can go. I wrote that scene in to get her to leave. I wasn't a big fan of her character anyway. I think I wrote her to pushy. That's why she gets hit by a car now.

From the back of the theatre doors open, you hear the long screeching of tires and a hard body thump. Hit by car, Out back have a team of make -up artist ready to bandage her hun give her bruising and deep wounds.

Tom: WHAT?? NOOO, NOT JEN!! Runs after her in hysterical After Tom leaves out the back

Rhon G: See, now he's all distraught and horrified. Now he has real emotions. Now he feels.

God: Is that what this is all about then?

Zoe: Okay. Like, what was that? I'm bored and confused and freaked right out and I have things to do tomorrow, I wanna leave too.

Rhon G: No, Zoe you still have a love interest. And what is this all about? This is all about Said quickly The conceptual reality within the confines of a subversive universe, will only express the complex level of benevolence that a higher manifestation of God Transfers. But we colour our realities in deep conjecture of patronizing subtle passions. I created you, God, with a reality which transgresses all boundaries. There is no logical process or grounds of functionality that readies the mind in a state of perpetual grandeur. With willingness to explore we touch the spiritual bond of life and we express as well as experience the differences that enumerate the belief of something bigger than we are.

God: Uh-huh.

Pause

Zoe: Like really, A love interest? For real? Okay I'll stay.

She sits on the edge of the stage looks out pick a cute none actor in audience and flirt with the person. Try to convince him/ her to come and chat and eventually on stage. At this point the food crew will start to move food in slowly and quietly on the side of the audience

Rhon: It wouldn't actually be for real though would it? If we are just actors and all in a play?

Rhon G: Don't get bitter now Rhon, whos to say what is real and what instinct. How do you know if I'm just and actor playing a part in a bigger play or reality. It could be endless.

Rhon: I have my own mind. I am real.

Rhon G: I can prove you're not.

God: Here we go.

Rhon: Okay, Go ahead.

Rhon G: Think of a Number between zero and one hundred.

Rhon: Okay got it.

Rhon G: Forty-two

Rhon: Uh-uh... No. uh.

Rhon G: Yes it was.

Rhon: Clenching his teeth as he says it Fine it was!

Rhon G: Go sit down big boy.

Rhon G and Rhon Sit down at the same time in the same pose.

Rhon G: Carry on with the play now. We'll talk , After the show.

*** Ref. 58 PG

God: Wait. So if you created me then I am not god?

Rhon G: That's not true at all. God is the ultimate power in the universe according to some. I can't Create God. Only God Can create God if God even exists. Which I can't prove... or disprove. I just wanted to challenge people's thinking. That's all. People are so damn set in there ways sometimes. I mean, don't people want to see different things? Different views? Visit a concept they never experienced before? Life is about experience and all the times we can see things differently, added to a whole of who we become.

Zoe should at this point should have dragged someone up to stage to come and get food. Other audience plants should be making there way up trying to bring someone with them

God: So I am God.

Rhon G: Yes

Phil: I want you to know mister, whoever you are. Pointing to Rhon G in the audience That I know who I am and I am not a character in a play. I am a man who spent a great deal of time putting together a party which has been, for all intensive purposes. The cast Laughs at him I have parents and a pet, and a woman here who... more laughter What are you guys laughing at?

Rhon G: Look Phil. None of this, is in the play. Now I put a lot of time into this play and would really appreciate it if you would, you know, follow the script.

Phil Stares out into the audience. The light goes to his eyes as god turns back to the party. Phil stares for a moment then turns around and sits back down at the table. With his head in his hands he yells

Phil: LINE!

Guy with a cue-card steps out from the side and shows it to Phil so the audience can see it

Cue-card guy: So you are the creator of the universe then. And this is all a joke.

Phil: In a tired and defeated voice So you are the creator of the universe, God. And all this is an elaborate joke and laughs hard and long But me, I've been planning this party for weeks now and nobody seems to care.

God: No Phil It's all real. You've done a great job. But I think that maybe this is what I've worried about all this time. I guess the world is doing ok and As the side tables of food and drink get placed food crew get slightly louder, not as careful. Talking saying is it ready improve at this point. Ask people closest if they want a drink or a bit to come and get it. Actors on stage will have to compensate at this point that people do look out for one another every so often and that in the long run will all do fine. Right Rhon?

Rhon: What's this God?

God: Not you. Quiet voice Rhon. Rhon Grenon. I'm a little worried. I'm a little scared how does this all end?

Silence from the audience

God: Softly Mr. G? How does this all end? The party.

Rhon G: Louder God, we can't hear you!

God: How does this all end?

God pauses no one says anything, makes his way slowly with Tammy and Death. They all leave out the front door

Phil: What was that?

Rhon: Huh?

Liz: Where were we?

Zoe: What was that?

Dr. Segal: We have just witnessed something miraculous.

Rhon: What was it?

Liz: Yes, what ?

Phil: It's a pretty good party, isn't it?

Rhon: I've had a blast.

Liz: Are we purposefully not talking about God being here?

Phil: Who?

Rhon: Who?

Zoe: Who?

Dr. Segal: Who?

Liz: Okay. Who?

Phil: Much better. Welcome to my party. There are more people to come, I welcome you all with open arms. I think. We'll just wait and see what happens next.

Party Continues this will grow from page 58 any free hands will join on stage at this point and help pull friends and family up or to tables on the side lights will finally rise full in the audience. But will happen slowly from page 58. so subtle you cant notice it should take about 7 minutes till full. All Chartres even ones that left will come back and join in the fun. Make small talk, engage people full talking now, normal voice. Some will dance and lots of laughter. Create a real party. The goal is to make an amazing transition into real life., the goal is to have no one clap no ending to the play. All behind the scene crews will join now eat, talk about the play enjoy the success of what has happened and let go of the reality that has been created. If we do this right we will blur the lines and will give the audience an experience of a lifetime. Thank you for all your hard work and bask in the wonderful thing you have created

One last thing as the music plays God will read “New.” As long as he wants. A key style writing that challenges the way you think. Join the party when the timing is right for you

God: It isn't love, but it is better than nothing. As monsters run wild inside of me. I can feel your soul. But the question is. If dimensional shifts are a real construct of a multi-verse, and all possibilities are real. Then it lends itself not only to experience all aspects of love and loss. But as prophets say, to be everyone in every situation and experience all realities. Maybe the true nature of love is the sadness of what we already know to be true. And that is to hold on to hope. That in this moment of fleeting desire we seek it to be different than all realities that we have witnessed before. Or maybe it's just dumb luck, and being stupid with the choices we make that end up breaking the continuity necessary to find that one willing to work as hard as you do to make love last...

Is that the meaning of existence?

Do you think I can see your soul?

Do we choose what to forget?

Are you the answer to the question I have asked all my life?

Forgotten along the way no place is safe for us to lay our weary head. Two hearts beating. Is this all we know? I tell you now we are not ready for the truth. As far as I can tell we hide from what is offered all around us. Every part of the world is angry at what is to come. But high with our heads in the sand as a fee is paid to crazy... Raise the Goddamn alarm, both middle fingers raising to the sky. One question we haven't been able to answer yet is how do we break the chains of capitalistic greed? Enslaving all that buy into a system of empty promises and high hopes. Since when do we allow corporations to decide in the matters of love, freedom, free-will, ideas, health, science, passions, morals, values, environment and life? A marketing wet dream of sheeple walking doe eyed into the grinder. Homogenized pale realities swallowing one red pill at a time. Laughing the whole way loudly, blinders on, crying inside, screaming for sweet release. How can I explain the infinite to you if we can't grasp the lack of survival we seem to adapted to without a touch of nature.

Feather touches the mind of entropy, brushing utopia around the corner. Ideas and ideals brought forth by constant thoughts hell bent on saving humanity. As the masses fight tooth and nail to destroy all that we know. A collective autistic nature, allowing institutions to lead us down a path of paranoia and greed. Selling phantom pocket ringtones, created in the cerebral cortex a basic animal instinct to be sold bought controlled keeping us further from our true self. Keeping us yearning for connection, even if its forgotten in the depths of time. Warning signs of cold nights to keeps us safe and alive. Are we getting better generation after generation? Right now we seem to collectively want a reset but don't know how to accomplish this task. A hard reboot. But the system has grown past anyone's self control. We hope that religion will guide us to the next time. Laughing that this is the start of the road to ruin. Fulfilling the prophecy that we decided long ago that we do not want to be here any longer.

How is it possible that the masses have decided this delusional state of mind? Willing to challenge life itself to its very core. Does cancer know of its existence? Manipulation of idol passive conquests. Steer us into non-reality voids. Painting colour apon colour. As our perception gives way to chaos. Disintegrating terror gives us hope that we are not sheep that we really are. Safety in anxiety of a world gone mad, we have watch all empires fall.

Wheels grinding , screeching and folding as humanity is perforated into bite size portions. Fed miss-information, lies and miss-steps. Taking us to the brink of loss.

Two minutes to twelve...

Extinction grows closer…

Pockets of us see a clear path a picture if you will. How to wake us up to survive. Answering questions on how to build on what has been destroyed. The more we hold on to our own reality and try to control it. The more we lose control of the awesome nature that life it self has to offer. We have to start to understand our nature. The will to feel what is real all around us. Seeking those moments of clarity wrapped in a soft blanket and a warm hot chocolate. Mother is coming folks. She is waking up. She will set us straight once again. On a paths of balance one way or another she will show us what her truest self is. Holding our hand like impetuous children we are. Time out, nose in the corner, looking over our shoulder waiting for the punishment to end. But my dear reader/ listener. I paint an easy picture in your head. If we pick our fight now...

If we wait. We will see the witch rise and all hell will break loose. A wash of fury that not one human in the existence of humanity has ever seen. It will be a cleansing like no other. There will be no record to keep. Now idols to worship. Not one person will be safe. Some may survive, some may even grow. But not like now. Time will have wiped the memories clean. You know I'm right. Think about it my friend. Inside you is the actual light of the universe longing to know itself.

It isn't love, but it is better than nothing. As monsters run wild inside of me. I can feel your soul. But the question is. If dimensional shifts are a real construct of a multi-verse, and all possibilities are real. Then it lends itself not only to experience all aspects of love and loss. But as prophets say, to be everyone in every situation and experience all realities. Maybe the true nature of love is the sadness of what we already know to be true. And that is to hold on to hope. That in this moment of fleeting desire we seek it to be different than all realities that we have witnessed before. I once heard, dreaming of what the world has taught me about love. Soothing complex fears wrapped in a neatly, tight, red ribbon. In that vision of truth. Don't ever question the deep burden I carry for you. My passion for you encompasses all. Let the dimensions cry for sweet release. It has given us the only way we can be who we need to be. Can it be as simple as you expect it to be? Passions remembered. Never giving up, never willing to fall. Making sure that all left behind will learn the lesson of true love. Beyond all expectations, beyond all hope. It isn't love, but it is better than nothing. I once heard. Dreaming of what the world has taught me about love. As monsters run wild inside of me. Soothing complex fears wrapped in a neatly, tight, red ribbon. I can feel your soul. In that vision of truth. But the question is. Don't ever question the deep burden I carry for you. If dimensional shifts are a real construct of a multiverse, My passion for you encompasses all. And all possibilities are real. Let the dimensions cry for sweet release. Then it lends itself not only to experience all aspects of love and loss. It has given us the only way we can be who we need to be. But as prophets say, to be everyone in every situation and experience all realities. Can it be as simple as you expect it to be? Maybe the true nature of love is the sadness of what we already know to be true. Passions remembered. And that is to hold on to hope. Never giving up, never willing to fail. That in this moment of fleeting desire we seek it to be different than all realities that we have witnessed before. Making sure that all left behind will learn the lesson of true love. We are the grandest illusion ever created. Beyond all expectations, beyond all hope. Stepped in, time is up, here we go! Feel the wind on your face, the sun in your eyes. Blue all around you. Paradise found.

#god #playwriting #play

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ftazcras · 4 years

Text

was that azura chesky i just saw hurrying across the quad ? you’d think they would know what happens when a sophomore is late to class . then again , the fashion major has been known to be pretty finicky . maybe being so effulgent helps keep them out of trouble . i heard they are bicurious and love daddy kink & choking .

name : azura juliette chesky .

nickname/s : az , zura , aj .

birthdate : november fifth , thus making her a scorpio .

age : twenty one .

gender : cisfemale , she ╱ her .

hometown : charlottesville virginia but she lived in venice italy for four years after mother left .

sexuality : bicurious .

INCEPTION :

honeyed hues and rosy lips , you are porcelain features and the daughter of a man who would give you his world and everything beyond that .. you grew up with financial privilege and the sound of sweet laughter falling from reflected features . your childhood consisted of cotton candy skies blending into the craved oceans that devour painted toe nails . the gentle tug on your arm as you allow your twin brother to pull you into one of his schemes . you do not like to talk about the day your mother walked out on you , nor the nights you begged the skies above you to answer all of the why’s you had .. why did she leave , why weren’t you good enough .. why did she not love you . it shaped you more then you would like , but you’d never admit that .

PERSONALITY AND FAST FACTS :

effulgence in human form is accurate for azura, she is a bubbly energetic child who does not know how to stop her lips from rambling . as her brother would announce , she likes the sound of her own voice ( despite everyone else around her having a different opinion . )

she is clumsy , which is ironic considering she is a beast on a cheer mat . but the minute she’s off she’s tripping . falling . busting ass . all of her most embarrassing moments consist of her falling .

she is a goof ball , tends to always be teasing someone .

entirely affectionate and not always in a sexual way , she genuinely just enjoys simple acts such as holding your hand . resting her head on your shoulder . she is the friend that is always jumping all over you , will sit on your lap despite there being an open spot right there . and of course , when in an relationship her affection does not differ . this intensifies when she’s drunk .

despite her being a doll baby , when it comes to getting to know her on an emotional level she can be difficult . hard to please , hard to get .

she is convinced everyone will leave her , and with that she is either clinging to you or is pretending like you dont mean anything to her to help convince herself that when you do leave it wont hurt .

her abandonment is not something she admits to herself ? but mostly it’s because she’s playing this game of hey i barely even remember her who even cares i dont need anyone who doesnt need me .

she is entirely loyal to her friends , and takes loyalty seriously . there’s nothing worse you can do then betray her ( or lie to her ) .

she craves meaningful bonds with others ,,, it’s her most toxic and selfish trait . has this weird thing of needing to know that if she disappeared one day that people would miss her .. lose their minds . it ties into her constantly feeling disposable .

is passionate about everything she does . super ambitious likes having things to put her energy into .

she hates being viewed as anything but the fun loving angel she usually is and with that she rarely speaks about her negative emotions . refuses to cry in public . which is funny because she is definitely a insensitive to the streets and sensitive in private kind of person .

she is learning that being her sensitive vulnerable person is not a bad thing but its hard for her .

is an adrenaline junkie !! likes doing things that make her heart race !! loves travelling but that’s her dads fault .

would live on the beach if she could ( she grew up on a beach literally lived in the water ) .

she grew up involved in almost every sport . soccer , volleyball , softball , cheerleading , she even did competitive surfing for two years .

cheerleading is her sport . and it is something she still does in college and damn is she good at it . ( prefers tumbling to most things )

she is one of those party girls i can already feel in . stumbling in at four am and still getting up at nine am to head off to class and then practice before doing it all over again .. she is adventurous and never says no to something that seems fun so ?? dont tempt her .

she speaks fluent italian !!

highkeys likes being handled . rough sex is just up her alley . likes being spanked . aggressiveness turns her on . clearly she loves being choked . is definitely a please daddy puppy eyes and all kind of girl . more submissive then anything else . cuffs , ropes , she’ll do it . oral , tends to love giving but who doesnt love receiving . the more comfortable she is with you the more she’ll tend to do .

WANTED CONNECTIONS :

platonic soulmates . i mean picture your favorite tv duo and this is them . i want the full nine yards . knowing everything about each other to their orders at taco bell to their biggest regrets . summer breaks and winter breaks you can spot them on one another stories doing something absolutely stupid . they text non stop just to talk shit and vent about their day .. non sexual bubble baths . sharing clothing . anytime one posts a picture you can see the other in the comments with an annoying yesssssss baby .

a group of friends !! i just want a group of three of four that are always together doing the most . they have a groupchat , post pictures non stop on instagram together . snapchat stories while one’s yelling at the other and the other two are doing something stupid and laughing about it . inside jokes and even petty arguments that always end up in being solved … of course after a few subtweets .

the first love ? good terms or bad terms . each other’s first everything . still have such a soft spot for one another . could still be friends .

an on and off lover .. something a little messy . stupid things like arguing about seeing another girl on his story or watching her run off with another guy . late night texts and soft forehead kisses . only if they could get their shit together and admit how much they actually love each other .

confidant ? something real soft . opening up about their darkest secrets . her finally admitting to someone that she’s scared everyone will leave her . drunk sobs as they play with her hair and tell her everything is okay . that she will be okay .

a partner in crime . almost getting arrested together ? three am stops at diners to eat pancakes and bacon . vacations that consist of things they can not repeat . encouraging each other to take that last shot or hook up with that person .

friends with benefits . it does not mean anything . it doesnt , it really does not .. or at least thats what they tell each other . pulling on another way from the crowd to have a quickie in the bathroom . late night on rooftops giggling and smoking . blowjobs before practices and games . wondering if they’re more then friends

honestly ?? give me all types of plots with different dynamics . i live for cute friendships and angst angst angst . i want childhood friends that remind her of when times were much simpler . family friends she considers cousins because that’s how close they are . ex friends that refuse to speak to each other . ex friends with benefits that stopped because one caught feelings or maybe they were just bored . bad influences and good influences .. toxic friendships because not friends and then friends again is so common . one sided friendships . unlikely friends . love / hate relationships ! ex best friends who miss each other like crazy , old flings and teammates . study buddies who help her keep her grades up in the mist of crazy stories and hangovers . friends who only get along when they’r e both drunk out their minds . actual cousins from her mothers side ??? her dad’s sides ?

#noru.intro #so sorry this is trash #asdfgh

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13-reasons-ideas · 5 years

Note

How did I just now stumble across your blog?!! It’s awesome and your Monty story is top notch. Would u take a request that isn’t from a prompt list but my own idea instead? If so can u pls do a Monty x reader where the reader’s ex boyfriend moves back to town and Monty feels threatened by him because personality wise he’s a polar opposite and fears that she might get back together with him (because they were once in love) but the reader ensures Monty that it’ll never happen❤️

Hey, of course you can! Sorry this took so long. I was having some issues with inspiration and work has been super busy. Here it is. I hope you like it! It ended up way longer than I intended it to.

(Y/N) = your name (Y/L/N)= your last name

FISTICUFFS AND DARTMOUTH

I never expected Nathan and I to break up. He was my first love and though naïve, you never really expect it to end. Our romance was one of shared interests and common goals and kind love. We did not fight and we pushed each other to achieve our goals. We knew what we wanted and what we needed to do in order to get it. He was the first boy I’d ever fallen in love with. It wasn’t a whirlwind, but it was, in a word, nice. Our love story was nice. Which is probably why when he moved away from Crestmont to Dallas for his Dad’s new job, it didn’t affect me the way everyone expected. People expected me to be crushed, but while I was sad, I was able to continue without much impact to my life. And they certainly did not expect me to fall for the man I did after he left. I did not even expect it myself. Although, Montgomery De La Cruz is not someone you expect to fall for.

Nathan Martin is put together and driven. He has it all figured out. He has dreams of going to an Ivy League school and being a doctor who discovers the next medical breakthrough. But those dreams aren’t just unattainable ideas. He has the grades and the work ethic to achieve his goals. He is the guy that the good girl brings home to dad and dad praises him and invites him to watch the game on Sunday, even though the boy has no interest in sports. He goes to the game on Friday nights because he needs a break from studying, not because he actually cares about who wins or loses. Nathan is the boy your mom pictures when she sees your wedding or prays you will meet and love when she thinks of your future. He is kind and avoids physical conflict in any situation. He truly believes that there is a diplomatic way to resolve any issue that could lead to physical conflict. Nathan is the kind of boy who would leave this little town for school but come back after he is done and have the white picket fence life. He wants the wife and the two kids and the dog. He is the kid who spends time with his family because they actually like each other. He is the boy everyone expects me to go for.

Montgomery De La Cruz is the opposite of Nathan in many ways. He is not the boy who has dreams to change the world. He only wants to change his world. He is not the boy who avoids conflict. In fact, he actively seeks it out. He is the boy you bring home to piss your dad off. He is arrogant and isn’t afraid to argue and hurt your feelings. He plays ball because it’s his ticket out of this little town. Montgomery is the boy who will graduate, go to school, and those of us still here will be lucky if he comes back to visit once a year for the holidays. He is the boy who doesn’t want to plan a life with someone because he is still trying to figure it out for himself. He is the rough and tumble kid who has family problems and spends as little time at home as possible. He is everything I shouldn’t want. And yet, he is everything I want.

Nathan moved in the middle of sophomore year. His Dad got a job in Dallas at a larger law firm just after Christmas, and by mid-January they had left Crestmont behind. Our breakup wasn’t one of drama and rumors nor was it full of animosity and he said she said. It was simply that neither of us were in a place where we felt up to doing long distance. I laid low for a while and threw myself into writing during my free time. That is how Montgomery came tumbling into my life- literally. I was sitting by a tree working on some writing on a slow day at the beginning of junior year. I heard someone yell, when suddenly I was being tripped on and pushed over by a larger boy. I was disoriented at first but then I saw the tell-tale plaid shirt. “Montgomery! Watch it.” I exclaimed, surprised as I watched my notebook go flying through the air.

“Sorry Doll. I yelled for you to watch out. Not my fault you weren’t listening.” He replied, chuckling. I simply rolled my eyes at him before gathering my notebook and dusting myself off. Picking up my bag, I nodded to him as I walked away. “See you around?” He called after me.

“Maybe. It’s a little town De La Cruz.” I called back.

Its not like I didn’t know about Montgomery De La Cruz. Everyone at Liberty knew about the short-tempered athlete. We all knew about the fights with Alex. And the fights with Tyler or anyone else he felt like fighting. We had English and History together and since Nathan left, my friends had started dragging me to various games, so I had seen him on the field more than once. But after that ever so graceful accident, I started to notice him around town or school more. He was usually accompanied by Bryce and his teammates but there were times you could find him on his own. One such occasion was at Monet’s on a dreary day, unusual for California. He walked in while I was ordering another hot cocoa. “You struck me as more of a three cups of coffee a day kind of person.” I heard him say from behind me.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me De La Cruz.” I responded after I placed my order.

“What can I get you Montgomery?” Skye asked, obviously using her best customer voice, to mask her desire to tell him where he could shove it.

“I’ll have what she’s having.” He replied smoothly. I could feel him smirking at me during the quick exchange. After our orders were put through and made, I made my back way to my favourite table at the back of the cafe. Skye usually had it reserved for me because of the view of the rest of the shop. I was not expecting Monty to follow me, nor was I expecting him to pull up a chair for himself.

“Uh… can I help you?” I asked, confused as I set to my writing trying to ignore him watching me.

“What are you working on?” he asked, trying to glance at my notes.

“Writing.” I replied, shortly. He laughed at my answer prompting me to glance up and give him a ‘what’ look.

“I see that (Y/N). I meant what are you writing?” He retorted.

“Stuff. Now are you going to sit there and ask me stupid questions, or is there something I can actually do for you Montgomery?” I replied, hoping to all hopes he would take the hint and leave me alone. Unfortunately, he did not get the hint. Instead, he took it as an invitation to remain seated and continue to distract me. Several annoying questions later I finally snapped. “Okay Montgomery. That is enough. I am trying to focus, so if you want to stay, then you have a choice. Either sit there and shut up or get up and kindly leave me alone.” I huffed. His brows shot up in surprise at my outburst. After a brief pause, I shook my head to say ‘well?’.

“Alright. I’ll be quiet. You wont even notice I’m here.” He replied and made a zipping motion across his lips.

“Thank you.” I sighed and got back to work.

After some time, I went to take a sip of my cocoa and noticed it was empty. Before I could get up and ask for another, Monty took the cup from my hand and went back to Skye. When he returned, I set my pen down and looked at him questioningly. “Consider it a peace offering. I have to head out but this was… nice.” He said before gathering his letterman and turning to leave.

“Monty wait a second.” I called after him. He paused, turning his head to look at me. “See you around?”

“Maybe. It’s a little town (Y/L/N).” he replied, smirking.

That became our routine. He would happen upon the little coffee shop after I arrived, order what I got for himself, and he would sit to watch me write for a while before heading out for the day. We would still see each other at school and in class, but we never spoke of our time at Monet’s together. I’m not sure when it morphed into something more, but one day he asked me out for coffee and I decided to accept. By the next week, we had made it official and at school found out. We grew closer to each other and I became friends with some of his friends. Scott and I connected quickly and while it caused some issues initially, Scott was able to make Monty understand that it was nothing more than friendship. Things were going very well. We had talked about Nathan and everything seemed to be sorted out in that regard. Or at least I thought it had.

No one expected Nathan to come back to Crestmont until he was at least done his bachelor’s degree. Certainly not after only just over a year and a half. I heard whispering that October day of senior year as I walked from my car to the school. The whispers died down as I passed so I figured Montgomery had gotten into yet another fight. That was one thing I was never really able to help him get a handle on. However, when I saw Monty down the hall and searched his face for bruises or anything, I saw he looked fine and knew that couldn’t be what prompted the whispers. Though not bruised he did look conflicted. Monty simply slung his arm over my shoulder when I got to him and we walked to my locker. Something was definitely off I just couldn’t put my finger on what it was exactly. It wasn’t until I walked into Biology and saw him sitting in our usual seat that it made sense. Nathan was back. I knew that the few kids in class already were watching with bated breath, waiting to see what I did, so I walked confidently and sat in my usual seat beside Nathan and greeted him politely. Due to the lack of animosity in our breakup, we were easily able to make small talk until the teacher started class.

After what could only be described as a very long and tiring day, Montgomery and I were in my bedroom studying, or rather I was trying to study on the floor, and he was tapping his pen against his paper while sitting on my bed. “Is there something bothering you Monty? Or are you trying to tap a hole through your textbook?” I asked him, distracted by his incessant tapping.

“He’s back…” He said, hesitating to continue.

“Yeah.” I respond, not bothering to look up from my assignment.

“Yeah? That’s all you have to say (Y/N)?”

“Yeah, I know? He’s in my AP Biology class.” I expand, still trying to work out the answer.

“You seem awful nonchalant about it.” Montgomery countered.

“Am I not supposed to be?” At this point I look up and push my work aside.

“I don’t know. You tell me. Do you have a reason not to be?” Monty beings to sit up as I stand.

“Montgomery, where is this all coming from?”

“Nathan is back (Y/N). So there’s no reason to keep pretending here.”

“Pre-Pretending? What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I ask, somewhat insulted.

“Yes pretending. You can stop pretending you care and go back to him now.” He retorts, his voice beginning to rise.

“And why pray tell, would I go back to Nathan now that he’s back in town?” I question, my voice also beginning to rise.

“Because (Y/N).” He states, as though that is an actual reason.

“Because why Montgomery? That’s not an explanation and you know it.”

“He’s all Dartmouth and Harvard medical school and volunteering to tutor kids. He has an actual plan for his life (Y/N). Nathan is going to be a fucking doctor for God’s sake. I’m all football, baseball, and fisticuffs.” Montgomery argued.

“And?” I ask, confused about where he is going with this.

“And? And you’re the good girl who smiles at everyone, not because it is polite, but because you actually want to. You sit and read books while I dick around with the guys at lunch. You get good grades and you care about school. I get the bare minimum to stay on the team. You’re… perfect. You could leave any time. You loved him then, you can love him again. I wouldn’t blame you. I have ball and he has fucking med school. I have a full ride scholarship and he has actual grades.”

“Montgomery, we have been over this. You aren’t the guy I brought home to fill the time until Nathan came back. If I wanted to be with him, I would have left as soon as he came back. I am still here. Therefore, I do not want to be with Nathan.” I explain, exasperated.

“He can give you what you want. He can give you everything you want.”

“Mont-” I start but he cuts me off.

“(Y/N). You want to be a writer and spend your days curled up at your desk. You love books and you’re nice to people and you don’t have rude or angry bone in your body. I have anger and I want to play ball and get through school so I can leave this crappy little town behind. He can give you the life you want. He can go to work and save lives while you sit in your nook in the office, writing to your hearts content.”

“Maybe I don’t want that anymore Montgomery. Maybe I want you. And the life you can give me.”

“Don’t kid yourself. He’s everything I’m not. We are polar opposites. You’ll get bored or have enough of me eventually.” He told me, crossing his arms.

“Montgomery de la Cruz. Do you honestly believe that? I like that you’re nothing like Nathan. That’s the point isn’t it? I like that you’re… unpredictable and temperamental and yeah, sometimes you make really bad decisions. But you’re also caring and protective and spontaneous. I would never leave you for Nathan.” I paused, walking towards him to take his hands in mine. I reached up to tilt his head down towards me before continuing, “I love you Montgomery.” I told him quietly.

“I- you- what?” He stuttered, shocked at my admission.

“I love you.” I repeated looking up at him sincerely.

“I love you to (Y/N).” he responded leaning down to kiss me gently. I smiled into the kiss before pulling away.

“So no more arguing about Nathan?” I asked him, giggling.

“I guess not. But maybe a few more kisses will fully convince me.” He replied before kissing me again. I felt him start to step forwards and my knees hit my mattress before we fell back onto my bed. We spent the next couple of hours cuddling and talking before falling asleep in each other’s arms contentedly, our homework and any discussion of Nathan long forgotten.

#anon #ask #monty imagine #montgomery de la cruz #monty de la Cruz fanfic #montgomery de la cruz imagine #montgomery de la cruz x reader #Requested #13 reasons why #Thirteen Reasons Why

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