#i've been mostly doing these for myself- i find it really satisfying to learn how to match the style and push myself

[synthaphone]

And here's all of the converted Centibytes together! I had to chop the big image I had into pieces because otherwise it gets compressed to hell, lol

#centibytes #my art #i don't have anything meaningful to say really... i'm very happy to have finished all of these #i'm not done with them altogether though- i've got a couple different things i still want to do now that all the colors are done #thanks to everyone who followed along!! #i've been mostly doing these for myself- i find it really satisfying to learn how to match the style and push myself #but it makes me super happy that other people like them too!!!

[nipuni]

Hey, Nipuni! First off, I want to say that i love your work sooosoooo much and i can’t even truly describe the impact it’s had on me. You’re an inspiration to me!! No matter what your interest is in i will always be a fan. I was really curious and wanted to ask, i think you’ve talked about it a looong time ago but, how long do you reckon it takes your to do your fully painted illustrations these days?? and how long do you wait before posting it, assuming you aren’t sure if you’re satisfied with it. I’ve just been struggling with overworking my art and feeling like it’s not ever ready to post so i was curious. 😟

Hello!! I'm so late to reply I'm so sorry!! Thank you so much for the kind words!! to hear that my work can have such a positive impact on someone is the greatest compliment truly 😭❤️ and thank you for sticking through all my interest hopping too haha

These days it takes me anywhere from 2 to 9 hours most of the time, non consecutive if I can help it, and I usually sleep on them at least one night before I share them. But I've held on for over a month to some just because I didn't think they looked quite right, so I keep coming back to them every now and then and do some small tweaking until I reluctantly post them either out of frustration or exhaustion haha I don't have the patience or the attention span to work on the same thing for very long to be honest, so I've adapted 😆

The truth I like to remind myself of is that once I share something all my focus shifts to my next idea every time so whether I could have done better or not doesn't matter once it is out of my hands. I can always do better on the next one, there is just the comfort of letting go and a fresh start.

I've struggled with overworking pieces to death a lot too. It stems from anxiety really so it's a matter of building confidence, the point at which art is ready to be shared is arbitrary after all. You can convey a message or idea just as effectively through the roughest of sketches to the most detailed oil painting, the rest of the work is mostly towards aesthetic value.

On the technical side of things, when you grow frustrated with a piece to the point where you start to resent it is a good indicator that you need a different course of action. Sometimes bringing in new references can help you find the issue, sometimes the problem is structural and buried under piles of unnecessary detail and you have to go back and redo or remove something you were reluctant to, and sometimes the best thing you can do is to let go and come back to it with fresh eyes when you have learned more. As for studies, working from big to small, training for speed and on a time limit has helped me. Anyway I think I've started rambling, I hope any of this helps!! Remember that art at any stage is better than no art at all!!

#nips replies #will I ever learn to be concise when asked a question #it has taken me years to hone the craft of caring more about my time than my perceived performance!! a most valuable and elusive skill #I'm dead serious

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not wanting to learn new things for my art?

What it says on the title basically. i've (25nb) been a self taught artist for at least 3 years and i think i am pretty good at it! some of the people in my friends discord server always praise it and sometimes say my anatomy is wonky which is fair, but the main issue started today.

For my art, i usually just take a picture of myself in the pose i want to draw and then sketch over it to get the anatomy done. it always works out and never brought me any issues but today i wanted to draw one of my favorite game characters! i really enjoy her and she's genuinely a sweetheart, so I went to take the picture of myself holding a knife (she uses a sword but it's not like i had it) and then started drawing, but the moment i shared it on the server people started criticizing me

i have been recovering from being underweight and almost never eating recently thanks to my new job, but i'm still clearly very thin while the character is fat. because of that, i drew her over my body and she didn't look fat which i thought would be okay! i know some people like to draw thin characters as fat which is always good so i thought it'd be okay to also do the opposite. however, some people on the server started telling me that she didn't look like the character and i should learn to draw fat people which made me very sad, i had worked hard on that drawing after all and i'm already pretty satisfied with the point my art is at, plus, it's always hard to learn new techniques and i don't think i would ever use it again even if i did learn it. some people called me fatphobic after i told them i thought it'd be okay since sometimes people also draw thin characters as fat and that i didn't see any need on learning it because she's the only fat character i know and enjoy.

one of them specifically told me that i don't have to just learn how to draw fat bodies but to look for reference images of other body types in general since it'd help me on the long run to better my art and anatomy, but i thought that was an asshole move and called her out for it since she also never draws thin characters and at most like, draws them a bit fat, she then pulled out her art portfolio and showed me that yes, she does, and offered to help me find references but i was crying at this point and denied it saying i didn't need her pity.

Now they're mostly saying i overreacted which i don't think i did and that i am an asshole for refusing to learn anything besides my own normal anatomy, am i the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[elderberries-and-honey]

hey idk if youve answered this but whats ur writing process like? im think of doing a story like decades challenge but ive never anything outside of gameplay really. also how far in advance do you plan is it like this gen or gens in the future? sorry for rambling

Hello! First, you don't ever have to apologize for rambling to me; I love a good ramble! And second, if you're wanting to do the decades challenge, I suggest going for it! It has really helped me find a medium to channel my love for writing and learn history along the way.

To answer your second question of how far in advance I plan, I do plan multiple generations at once. I have a basic outline from 1890 to the mid 1920's already planned out, and this includes Ozzy, Atticus and future children and most of the side characters as well like Beth, Millie and Valerie.

As for my process, it's a little more in-depth and I use a website called Milanote for note taking and tracking birthdays and Google Docs for a bigger spreadsheet and writing the story.

Sometimes I have the full scene already written out in advance, but most of the time, it will be few sentences to get the juices flowing or something I wrote down at a different time. I write small things all the time, like little pieces of dialogue, or a good prose that I don't want to forget.

I personally need to see what the scene will look like before I write it out. Mostly because if I write something, and then can't find a pose for it, I get frustrated. So I shoot the scene first, edit the photos, put them into a Tumblr draft, and then finish the writing with the photos there for me to look at. Lately, I've been taking a few photos and then the rest of the scene comes to me while I'm shooting, so I stop taking photos and write it down before I forget.

Anyway, once all the photos are taken and the first draft is finished, I copy and paste what I've just written into my Google Docs. From there, I let it do it's grammar / spell check thing (mostly because I have it set to British-English so I want to catch American spellings of things and change them for me), reread it and put it back into the draft on Tumblr.

After that, I read the scene outloud back to myself. This helps me catch any weird grammar errors that the computer missed, or any repetitive use of a word & then I replace them (I have an extension that looks for synonms for me). I also just feel reading it outloud back to yourself, helps you read it like it's a story vs you just like...saying what's happening, if that makes sense? Like if I'm finding myself bored just by saying it outloud, it will probably be boring to read.

I do this multiple times over before I decide I'm satisfied, and I usually do it one more time before I publish the post. After I like what I've written, I copy and paste that back into my Google Doc because I consider this "my hard copy".

There is also a lot more organization that goes into it than just this, so if you want to know how I organize things, I'd be happy to explain that as well. It's a lot of spreadsheets and notetaking, but you don't have to do that if you don't want to.

And, this is just what works for me, I can't stress that enough! Other people write the scene before they shoot, and that's perfectly fine too. My process has changed overtime and it's taken a bit of trial and error, but this is just what feels the most natural for me.

I hope this helps somewhat and isn't too overwhelming. You can always do more gameplay than writing if that's what works for you, or build a story with gameplay. So don't let this scare or intimidate you! Either way, good luck with your decades challenge!

#answered #idletrait

[saber-of-dreams]

Gino and Mika

I remember watching SS Case 1 a few years ago and loving the dynamic between Mika and Gino. And then when Season 3 and First Inspector came out, I really liked the few interactions we had there.

I will admit it's been a very long time since I've re-watched Season 1 or Season 2, so I can't remember a lot of the background (though I certainly need to find time to re-watch).

And I get that there are plenty of people that don't like this ship, which is fair, but for me, they work with an excellent power dynamic.

Gino is the older, wiser man who is in a socially inferior position. He has experience and wisdom learned a lot in his fall from grace and subsequent rising. Mika is young, naive, impetuous, but she has a good heart. She has the social upper hand, but lacks the experience and maturity to handle some of the things that come up in her line of work. Even in Season 3 and First Inspector, she's grown a lot, but she's still not as wise and she could one day be.

They create an interesting equilibrium, pairing the characters together the way they did in SS 1. It made for an engaging story (for me). And it really highlighted both of their characters and the changes they're going through so well. Mika is learning to slow down and breath, to stop and consider the people around her, even the latent criminals, as human beings with wants and needs. She is learning to look before she leaps. And Gino is learning how to look at the world from a more realistic experience. In a lot of ways I think it mirror's Ko's experiences in Season 1, with the benefit that Gino already knows that Akane will treat him as a human being first and an enforcer second, and that dynamic is (slowly) rubbing off on Mika too.

I haven't watched Providence yet. Might go watch it this week if I can make myself do the hour drive there and hour drive back, but I'm not expecting a ton of new content for them. Mostly shinkane (just the teasers alone satisfied my thirst for content for them for literally years).

I am interested in seeing where this dynamic might lead in the future.

#ginomika #psycho-pass #ginoza nobuchika #mika shimotsuki #sinners of the system #ss case 1 #sinners of the system case 1 #psycho pass season 3 #psycho pass

[jaelijn]

Fic Writer 2023 Review

Based on this. I always want to do annual reviews but then don't get around to them and then it feels weird doing them in February, so here we go for once. Under a cut because long (There's 30 things and I ramble. Not sorry.).

1. What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year? How did it turn out and would you do it again?

I suppose that I wrote a fic from Blake's POV counts. I didn't have a big plan for trying something new for Whumptober this year, but I always find myself doing it because everything starts to feel stale if you write 30 fics in so short a timeframe. So the POV was supposed to be what I tried with that fic, but the fic got away from me a bit, so in retrospect the unusual (for me) POV feels comparatively insignificant. There was also more Jenna this year - I think I'm getting there, so yes.

2. How many fics did you work on this year? (They don’t have to be finished or published!)

I have no idea. I have a very long list of WiPs that I am sure I have added a sentence or two across the year, or maybe I just opened them, fixed a few typos and closed them again, and then I have a few handwritten things that I haven't typed up yet. But *at least* it's 35 published things (31 of which are Whumptobers) and the longfic, so 36. Put like that, it sounds terribly prolific.

3. What’s something you learned about yourself as a writer?

I enjoy creating without expectation - immersing myself in the longfic with no idea when it will be done or how long it will get was terribly freeing. The downside is that I also realised that I'm not really intrinsicly motivated to post and share anymore, or at least that thought generates no positive pressure at all because scales. It would be really easy for me to never post another fic right now, but I'm not stopping writing.

4. What piece of media inspired you the most?

Always and ever, Blake's 7. There's nothing else that makes me want to write right now.

5. What fandom(s) did you write for this year?

Accordingly: Blake's 7

6. What ship(s) captured your heart?

Avon/Vila. Though they had me already.

7. What character(s) captured your heart?

See above.

8. Did you write for a new fandom or ship this year?

No. Since a lot of my writing, Whumptober aside, went into the longfic, I didn't do much experimenting - not even during Whumptober, really.

9. What fic meant the most to you to write?

Longfic aside, because as ongoing project that obviously matters, possibly Wet Towels, because it feels like I nailed a tonal direction I want to go in with my Avon/Vila.

10. What fic made you feel the happiest to work on?

By far, the longfic. Some of the Whumptobers were just the right kind of painful, but the most joy creating - yes, the longfic.

11. What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing?

Impending Destiny. I know I keep harping on about this fic, and maybe I'm the only one who thinks it's the best oneshot I've written this year and everyone else hates it, but it was so intense to write and so satisfying.

12. What fic was the most difficult to write? Did you finish it?

I did a few "second takes" on Whumptober this year, so I guess those and no, but then again the second take wasn't difficult, I just wasn't happy with the first and haven't touched those since. Fic I stuck with, possibly either Ghastly Aftermath, because ouch (it's difficult to write while you're crying at your own writing, all right?) , or Mistaken Trust because the final scenes were difficult to get right.

13. What fic was the easiest to write?

Nothing strikes me as particularly easier than the rest, really, but then what published writing I've done has been mostly in my comfort zone either way. So I guess all of the ones that weren't difficult?

14. What were your shortest and longest fics this year?

With Every Single Kiss has literal drabbles, so that, though all of the drabbles together are longer than my shortest oneshot. Longest is the ongoing longfic (duh) currently sitting at approx. 91k.

15. Rec a fic you wrote or posted in 2023

I am once again begging you to read Impending Destiny, lol. But if that isn't you're cup of tea, try Mistaken Trust or Spun Gold.

16. What were you go-to writing songs?

I didn't have many, this year. There's usually at least one or two, but I had a weird year with music, I feel, with few new songs that I really fell in love with, so there's been lots of playlists on shuffle and there's no song I could point to.

17. What were your go-to writing snacks?

I don't really snack when I write for fun, and I've had to cut down on my chocolate intake, so unless it's a chocolate praline, none.

18. What was the hardest fic to title?

Is "all of them" an answer that's allowed? I guess I could say Free Fall, not because of the fic, but because it was the first Whumptober and I was trying to figure out the "title format" for the rest of the Whumptobers. (I don't know if anyone has noticed that the Whumptobers have had title formats for three years now, but either way...) Other than that, the no-longer-so-untitled longfic was the one I put most thought into titling, but I'm not telling yet.

19. Share your favorite opening line

So... the thing about Whumptober is that it makes you *incredibly aware* of opening lines, or the format of opening lines. I try not to start all of them the same way, but I also tend to... slip into self-referential facetiousness doing that, in that all of them become funny when considered side by side.

I suppose "Avon was high." and "When the rebel forces of Carin IX finally managed to fish Avon out of the river, he was drenched to the bone." still amuse me (Spun Gold and Wet Towels, respectively).

20. Share your favorite ending line

Now I have to open all of them again, haha! Uh, let's do a not-Whumptober for once:

But lying curled up in the embrace of his most trusted companion, his link with and buffer against the world, Avon sometimes wondered whether it had been a curse at all. (The Price, from R&F #7)

21. Share your favorite piece of dialogue

Uh... spoiler for Impending Destiny, but I keep it vague and not post the whole thing?

“Whoever said that love is the most powerful force in the universe was a bloody liar,” Avon spat, “or a colossal fool. [....]"

22. Share an excerpt from your favorite scene

Oh for... just... just read Impending Destiny, okay?

23. Share the final version of a sentence or paragraph you struggled with. What about it was challenging? Are you happy with how it turned out?

Oof, I guess the final lines of Mistaken Trust. It would have been so easy to just let them hug and kiss but Avon resisted and once that line was there I had to do something with it that didn't feel unkind to Vila in a plot that... wasn't kind to Vila. I think I managed the balance and once Avon had said no I didn't want to go back to the easy ending, but it wasn't easy to get right.

24. What’s something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story?

... Impending Destiny. It was supposed to be a fix-it fic!!! It's... not a fix-it anymore. The shift was so striking that I made a tumblr post about it.

25. What did you use to write? (e.g. writing programs, paper & pen, etc.)

Word and paper & pen, very occasionally a note app on my phone. All of the Whumptobers had a paper version before I typed them, but I've only written snippets of the longfic on paper. I enjoy not writing at a screen every now and then, but it *is* slower.

26. If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year?

I don't know, because my writing has been so unevenly balanced (very slow but steady progress for most of the year and A LOT of writing in September/October). I suppose finishing the Whumptobers again? Or perhaps when I realised that the longfic was going to be longer than BDaS without it feeling forced.

27. Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic?

No. Once the longfic is done, maybe I will.

28. How did you recharge between fics?

Recharge? What's that? Or rather: between fics? What's that? Hahah.

I know what I would have *liked* to do, which is read a fanfic once in a while, but there's not much new out there to my taste these days. I guess watching other shows counts. I have resorted to rewatching B7 as final measure.

29. If this were an awards show, who would you thank?

The numerous people who kudosed, the few people who commented, @oxideblack for the incredible art and for the appreciation of my fics from their circle of fans, @quordleona03 for the inspiration, and @comarum and @foreignobjecticus who know why.

What’s something that you want to write in 2024?

Ah, it would be nice to finish the longfic this coming year. But I'm not making any plans. With how I feel about the sharing & posting, I'm counting it as a win if I don't lose my motivation entirely.

#jaelijn writes #jaelijn talks #if you came here wondering why you are tagged look at the bottom of the post hahah #untitled pgp longfic #just because i want this post in the record of that #read impending destiny lmao

[wild-wombytch]

Hey ladies 💗!

You can call me Tañ. I'm a 24yo European disabled dyke with sometimes approximate English. I'm also an anarchist and believe genders and sexual exploitation are as oppressive as (and products of) patriarchy.

I'm a veteran of the Reddit misogyny and purge against "TERFs" for saying neo/microlabels and bi/pan "lesbians" are harming real lesbians and bi women. I was already starting to be skeptical and tired by trans women talking over lesbians with pretty misogynistic takes, so I decided to look into the so frowned upon radical feminism and gender critical ideas, sensing this Reddit drama was just the tip of the iceberg. That's after years being a TRA/libfem.

I'm tired of the marketable liberal feminism and queer communities and catering to males' feelings, when they're actively hurting lesbians to satisfy their ego and so called feeling of erasure (forcing females who want nothing to do with males to cater to their mental health still or trying to coerce them into sex). I'm also tired that "lesbian" is always associated with porn, especially porn for straight men. So I hoped to get to know the radfem community here better, because you are the only ones who seem to give a fuck about women at all these days and trying to keep women from mutilating their beautiful bodies instead of caring for their mental health. I almost did that to myself due to the trans agenda convincing me that I was a "nonbinary transmasc" and not just a good ol' dyke not aligning with heteronormativity, so here I am. I'm still reading and learning about radical feminism. To be frank, I've been quite brainwashed into the TRA/pop feminism cult bs and genuinely have to rebuild myself psychologically and get all these things I interiorised (to be honest, mostly out of fear of being thrown out of my own lesbian community, leftist and "feminist" spaces) out of my head. Including things about my body and the "queer community" pushing for us to cater to men and shutting ourselves up instead of saying things as they are. I hope I can learn by interacting with the community here. I frankly need some sorority to help me out of the patriarchy and its genderist Hell. This ideology definitely made feminism go back of 50 year. Males can wear dress and be feminine without needing to get into our locker rooms and females can be butches and bind to alleviate dysphoria without being men.

What else to say? I don't want to say too much for now, because the world is so fucking dangerous for women, especially if they go against the men ideology. I really hope to find a peaceful corner here where I can interact with other lesbians without getting witch hunted for stating science and that I'm not into penises and without fucking men filling up the only internet spaces where we can just have women talks about women issues without always centering or integrating men.

I also discovered things like the Moon School, which helps me healing my relationship to being a woman and starting to accept again that I'm a lesbian and don't have to convince myself I'm either trans or having to be exactly like straight women or that gender matters. I'm learning to get rid of the internalised misogyny and feeling like I can't love what I want to love, especially if it's "girl things" or be emotional...etc I'll likely open up more and act more like my confident self once I'm used to be able to state my opinions without getting banned. Probably expect some NSFW and New Age content here. I have a spiritual approach to what it means to be a woman (exploring Wicca and the Dark Goddess).

I'm still learning to use Tumblr, so apologies if the tagging is shit or if the reading is hard on my blog for whatever reason (tell me if I can make it more accessible!). I'm still not confident being here, hope I'll learn. Feel free to DM or send recommendations in asks (about how to use Tumblr, radfem communities, radfem books/Youtube channels, women-centered spirituality...anything really) or just introduce yourself! Straight women have valuable inputs too, but I'd prefer to interact with other lesbians and ex-TRA, since we have more shared experiences. Hope I'm not being weird by spam liking and reblogging your posts there!

Also warning word that my beliefs are bound to adjust as I learn about radical feminism and heal my own relationship to being a woman. I'll still navigate radical feminism leaning, but might go more tirf or other orientations over time.

⚠️ Everyone except the dni can follow, I won't tell you "pro TRA kys" like people say about TERFs 🤷🏻. If you don't want gender criticals, misandrists possibly in the future TIRF, TERF, SWIRF, Dianic Witches or whatever to follow you, you can block me. ⚠️

Again, I'm too new to know exactly what I'm going for except radical feminism.

DNI : Men in general, bi/pan/male "lesbians" (febfems are cool, I refer to mspec "lesbians"), conservatives, alt right, the genderist/MOGAI crowd can respectfully interact and is welcome to like and reblog, but you're on thin fucking ice

#terfblr #terfsafe #terf please interact #radfem please interact #men dni #tumblr bios #radical feminists do interact #radical feminists please touch #tw long post

[the-rebel-archivist]

Fanfic Writer Questions

Tagged by @kittlesandbugs, thank you so much!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 24, but there are a lot of things that I've only posted on reddit or kept in a document, I've been trying to upload some old works recently though!

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 47,945

3. What fandoms do you write for? Dragon Age mainly, but also Fallen Hero, some Baldur's Gate 3 (not posted to AO3 yet but there is... a decent amount), a bit of Mass Effect and a bit of The Exile

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Some of these are at the top simply by virtue of being older and/or with more popular pairings

Stay - Dragon Age Inquisition, Cullavellan, early work, Cullen's perspective on a late evening reviewing paperwork in the Inquisitor's quarters. He makes a scandalous suggestion: forging her signature

Eloquence - Dragon Age Inquisition, Cullavellan again, also Cullen's perspective, set earlier than the one above. It's very cute, early work but full of words unspoken and gentle teasing

Deliberations on the Inevitable - Dragon Age post-Origins, Morrigan/Amell, from Morrigan's perspective. A mouthful of a title. The Warden is convinced to leave to find a cure for the Calling after Kieran tells him his blood sings louder

Amell Family Letters - Dragon Age Inquisition-ish, letters between the Warden, Kieran, and Morrigan while he's out trying to find a cure and they're at Skyhold

Motherly Love - Dragon Age post-Inquisition, Cullavellan, early work, Lavellan has difficulty bonding with her daughter. The story itself I'm considering retconning but it was really personal to write

5. Do you respond to comments? I try to but I have a habit of bursting with joy when I read them and telling myself "I'll respond when I get to my desk" and then forgetting that I should

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Most of my fics usually end reasonably positively even if the path they take to get there can get rough. I think maybe I am cursed, maybe I am gifted might be the angstiest overall, the PTSD of a war criminal Exile commander still towing the party line before exile

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I don't know if I have any that aren't at least a little bittersweet, but of them A Father's Legacy is probably the happiest. Colonist Shepard has a long-needed talk with his parents and has a chance to try to learn from their mistakes with his daughter

8. Do you get hate on fics? Not that I've seen

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Only for fun in private with friends. There's some truly silly smut on my drive that will never see the light of day publicly

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? Also only in private with friends, but only once. A satirical TWC crossover into FHR

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? No I don't think so

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Not really, I've started a few collaborations but they didn't get very far

14. What's your all time favorite ship? Anything with Morrigan. It's always great, there's always a little edge to it even in extremely loving fics (as there should be!)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Raynda and Tamaris's Wycome Adventure, a pre-Inquisition short novella-length fic. It's mostly there, kind of. Needs refining and editing and at this point probably a rewrite

16. What are your writing strengths? Period novel-like prose, describing impressions, established npc voices, and I'm really good at writing child POVs

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Plotting a longer work, or rather coming up with a compelling problem that will build tension toward a satisfying climax. It's why I trend towards short in-between ficlets instead

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? If I know the language maybe, it just has to have a purpose beyond obfuscation and I'd rather not use google translate

19. First fandom you wrote for? Dragon Age

20. Favorite fic you've written? I'm torn between Deliberations on the Inevitable and The Queen but I think it may be The Queen. The courtly love and the metaphors are things I'm still proud of. It also comes as no surprise but both fics feature strong women, Morrigan and Anora.

I'm not sure who hasn't been tagged already so I'll tag @ohmypawsandwhiskers @wolfs-dawn and @plisuu but if you see this consider yourself invited to fill it out

#tag game

[lemonhemlock]

What are your thoughts on the starks?

my dear friend, i interact with the starks through the lens of lannister allegiance. i usually prefer characters that are more towards the theatrical side of the spectrum, more campy, more devilish, characters that entertain me and make me cackle. so, from that perspective, the starks don't really pass the vibe check, i'm afraid

i adore sansa because i'm really into pawn-to-queen narratives and because i love how stalwart she is in sticking to her principles and preserving her interior moral core in the face of extreme adversity and trauma. she possesses an innate emotional intelligence and social awareness and is learning how to play the game. all qualities i find satisfying in a character & i enjoy her chapters bc they deal with themes that pique my interest - plotting, castle administration, medieval performance of femininity - i love that sansa makes her own clothes, embroiders, delights in lemon cakes - i just find her generally precious

i like ned as much as any man, he has his own charisma and is easy to engage with because he is a generally good person, albeit doomed by the narrative. his love for his daughters is moving. ned comes to KL to act as hand of the king, so i found his chapters enjoyable bc of all the politicking and backroom plots and ///mysteries///, but i would no doubt find him boring if the story was about A Day In The Life Of The Lord of Winterfell. ned doesn't exactly have an exciting personality.

i would have probably enjoyed robb's POV if he had one, bc i am a sucker for kingship narratives. robb is more vivacious than ned, so i appreciate that, however, i spent the entirety of his life on page actively rooting for jaime to escape and for tywin to defeat him in battle, so...

in a similar vein, i enjoyed going through catelyn's chapters because she travels a lot and exposes us to a wide variety of settings. through her, we gain access to different characters such as lysa or renly that we couldn't otherwise see. catelyn was always a frustrating character for me bc her observations and instincts were sometimes very spot on and even wise, but, at the same time, she drove me up the wall often enough bc she would just pull conclusions out of her arse. i do suspect that i would appreciate her more if i were to re-read. her death scene with robb was vvv heavy and leaves a lasting impression

for rickon i can't mount much of an argument bc he is a small child and disappears from the narrative early on

jon, arya and bran i struggle with a lot. often enough they just bore me to tears. jon is a very important character for the whole storyline, but i find it very hard to engage with the night's watch business bc i just simply am not interested in wildlings, frozen expanses and a celibate male military order. i forced myself to read his segments and it does get more lively as the plot gets going - the mystery of the others becomes a cool idea once you let it germinate in your braincells. i have to say though that the most i've enjoyed jon is in the show when he was trying to win back winterfell with sansa, before he bent the knee to dany and lost all spine

bran's chapters are understandably very heavy-hearted bc the poor boy has just been crippled and goes through a lot of shit while left on his own. that being said, it does kind of wear me down after a while. i enjoyed theon's occupation of winterfell bc i find theon a more compelling character. unfortunately, after bran escapes, his story becomes one of tracking through the wilderness and my brain kind of shuts off since it's not smth i would choose to read voluntarily. i mostly cling to the magical mystery bits to get through to the next POV, if i'm being honest. it's not that i dislike bran, per se, he's a sweet boy for the most part, but i kind of low-key (high-key) think bloodraven is evil & i really have a problem with this sort-of historical / time-travel manipulation nonsense that surrounds him, if that is supposed to be the endgame of the books. it just completely fucks with the notion of free will & to me feels really unearned and unsatisfying

controversially, arya is the stark i dislike the most. for my tastes, as a character, she really has nothing to offer me. i don't like survival narratives in general and arya spends a lot of time trailing through the countryside and escaping all its related dangers, i'm not invested in her revenge arc at all, i dislike how she fetishizes violence, i just generally find it really hard to relate to her or find smth appealing about her. i think really the only time i enjoyed arya was when she was unwilling to dispose of Needle bc it was a palpable reminder of her family, all she had lost and all she wanted to gain back (needle was robb and bran and rickon, winterfell's grey walls, the summer snows, jon snow's smile etc)

other than that, i really deplore how arya is perceived in the fandom as the cool girl tomboy to sansa's stupid, frilly girly girl persona & i'm tired of that kind of discourse. most readers refuse to engage arya critically and just treat her like the westerosi katniss everdeen. for me, personally, arya doesn't have enough traits i find attractive to counterbalance the things i don't like - i don't find her funny or charming or entertaining, so the effect on me as a reader is that i'm bored, rolling my eyes and just churning through the pages to get to the next chapter. she has her own place in the narrative, but i don't think i'm necessarily the target audience for a character like her

#ask #anon #house stark #i like jon the best within jonsa narratives but y'all are not ready for that conversation #asoiaf

[captainskyson]

Fic Writer

Wanted to do ficwip's year in review questions for my own sort of journaling :-) I answered a couple of these over on Twitter/X, but wanted to track for myself all 30 questions. So, I've put my answers below a cut to keep everyone's feed a little more tidy:

1. What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year? How did it turn out and would you do it again? Explored writing a true narcissist and not redeeming him or the relationship with the main character by the end of the fic. I would do it again - and in fact am, though this 2nd one may never be public. It was/is very cathartic though.

2. How many fics did you work on this year? (They don’t have to be finished or published!) I'm only counting what was published in 2023, because I've dabbled on probably 50 others. I added 6 or so chapters (~90.000 words) to my longfic (Guesstimation judging from emails...I should start keeping better stats of that process, maybe), of which I only include the word count because there were only 4 other fics, 1 drabble, & 1 drabble set. For me, that's a big drop as far as amount of completely separate fics, compared to past years.

3. What’s something you learned about yourself as a writer? Alongside question #2 - When I can't post as often on my longfic, I put more time into posting longer chapters. Too long. And I need to stop that. (One of my biggest chapters last year was over 25.000 words. I'm so sorry to my readers, especially those using phones.😶‍🌫️)

4. What piece of media inspired you the most? Music in general. Also notable Buffy's perpetually wandering eyes, and Giles' ruggedly handsome face and his hearteyes.

5. What fandom(s) did you write for this year? Mostly Buffy, and I've only posted Buffy (and one Ted Lasso fic), but I did feel nostalgic at times and opened up a few of my old Daisy x Mace Agents of SHIELD fics and dabbled a little bit.

6. What ship(s) captured your heart? Nothing new, but Buffy/Giles always. ❤️

7. What character(s) captured your heart? I was never a Dawn-hater, more indifferent really, but watching her scenes with a more thoughtful eye and writing her has caused her to grow on me quite a bit.

8. Did you write for a new fandom or ship this year? Yes, my fic mentioned in #1 was Rupert/Rebecca from Ted Lasso. Definitely a new type of fic for me in nearly every way, especially considering it's a "ship" I don't "ship" canonically at all.

9. What fic meant the most to you to write? Our Souls, They Blend. A hurt/comfort fic brainstormed with one of my best mates the last time I was in England, and I finally finished it satisfied for posting this year.

10. What fic made you feel the happiest to work on? Bad Idea; I've reached the point where I've diverted from canon timeline quite a bit, so it's always so satisfying when a canon quote or scene ends up weaving into my story really well.

11. What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing? The Trouble With Wanting; it was a wip for a couple of years due to just one or two scenes that wouldn't quite find themselves, and the song itself was in my "inspiration playlist" for even longer prior to that.

12. What fic was the most difficult to write? Did you finish it? Out of all my wip's I dabbled on, overall I'd pick Bad Idea. By the end of the year I started getting into my stride again, but it's been incredibly difficult working out the plot where I want it to go, and try to keep everything "logical" with as few holes as possible as I near the climax and end of the story.

13. What fic was the easiest to write? Wips: I'm surprised to say my Tabula Rasa rewrite (to be published soon 😉). I had a general idea but once I saw a specific image the fic just flowed. Published fics: my Kinktober drabble series, despite my normal struggle to keep anything short. I found myself able to knock out each drabble almost every morning before I even went into work.

14. What were your shortest and longest fics this year? Longest: additions to Bad Idea, previously mentioned. Shortest: a single drabble added into my "Laughter drabbles" series.

15. Rec a fic you wrote or posted in 2023 The only 2023 one I haven't mentioned yet, a collab with another dear friend! A fluffy, funny, first-dates exploration that ended up including a lot of real life inspiration.

16. What were you go-to writing songs? Too many to list, but some notables: The Devil You Know by Kovacs, The Trouble With Wanting by Joy Williams, Dirty Little Secret by Alex Who?, Can't Pretend by Tom Odell, and pretty much everything Dermot Kennedy does.

17. What were your go-to writing snacks? Snacks? I usually forget to eat at all.

18. What was the hardest fic to title? The collab mentioned in #15 Third Time's the Charm, which wasn't really that difficult but it was one of the few that wasn't inspired by music. 😂 I often make it too easy on myself for titling when I've got song lyrics to pick and choose from.

19. Share your favorite opening line Out of what I've posted, Bad Idea Chapter 41 (Blood Ties, All the Way): “Have you noticed that every time we talk about moving past the honeymoon phase, we end up finding ourselves in situations like this?” Buffy commented, slightly breathless.

20. Share your favorite ending line “There won’t be another test.” Giles assured her firmly. [iykyk hahaha]

21. Share your favorite piece of dialogue "Santa can bugger off and have the mince pie." [unashamedly stolen from a convo w/ my friend: thank you, dear, for that]

22. Share an excerpt from your favorite scene Classic American vs. Brit tea scene: “You don’t trust my tea-making skills!” Buffy exclaimed, even more indignant than he had been, and he gave her a look. “And what in our most recent history should make me assume otherwise?” “Don’t be snarky.” She huffed, and straightened. “I’ve been watching you make it for years. It’s not that complicated.” “Oh, God,” He mumbled in sure dismay, resting his arm across his eyes.

23. Share the final version of a sentence or paragraph you struggled with. What about it was challenging? Are you happy with how it turned out? Not so much a single paragraph as it was an idea - how to create and then solve Buffy's problems in Bad Idea's version of "Life Serial", as the Trio and their dumb curses don't exist in the fic. Luckily (and humorously, to me anyway) an ol' song came on the radio and gave me inspiration... sometimes the simplest solution works. And in this case, it was parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme.

24. What's something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story? Buffy's third "time test" in the Life Serial chapter being another run through the Cruciamentum. I didn't originally plan that and it sort of just happened organically. It didn't change the end outcome of the chapter, but it did provide me a little moment to do an almost AU of my AU, which was interesting.

25. What did you use to write? (e.g. writing programs, paper & pen, etc.) Paper & felt-tip pen for notetaking, Google Docs for my meatier fics, Apple Pages for the rest.

26. If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year? When I had Rebecca tell Rupert to his face: "I warned you that I was going to make you crawl."

27. Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic? Started the next one.

28. How did you recharge between fics? I read fic, or I watch something completely non-Buffy related. (As it's most often only Buffy, these days.) Spend some time walking or kayaking. Go see a show. Something creatively filling, because I long ago learned the hard way about not being able to pour from an empty cup.

29. If this were an awards show, who would you thank? Tony Head's parents. 😄 Really though, my two sisters. ("What have you been reading?!" 😉) The orchestra would play me off the stage before I finished talking about all the ways I'm grateful for them.

30. What’s something that you want to write in 2024? I never ever thought the day would come, but I've actually got a couple of different ideas involving a little bit of that silly de-aged comic plot with Giles. (Both fix-its in their own ways, of course.) I've been having a lot of fun with both of them; one for the research, and the other for... the fun. Haha. x

#skyson answers #fanfiction #writing #2023 year in review #q and a #ask skyson

[kris-mage-fics]

1 and 7 for Weird Questions for Writers? :0

Weird Questions for Writers post 1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?

I always use Georgia when I'm writing! And yes it matter to me a lot! Back when I was in college/university I found it when I was looking for a serif font that looks nicer than the standard Times New Roman. For me serif fonts are generally easier to read, because my dyslexic brain doesn't get letters mixed up as much. But if I think it's ugly that makes it harder to read. So Georgia is the perfect balance of readability and pretty.

I know there are fonts designed for us dyslexic folks, but I never use them. Purely because I don't like how they look and find it distracting. So their intended purpose doesn't work out for me. I'm very glad they exist though, because I know they help a lot of people!

When I'm editing I switch between Georgia and a sans-serif font because it helps me catch more mistakes. Someone in the writing Discord server I'm in introduced me to Comfortaa, so that's what I've been switching to. When I'm on my final edits (more tweaks than true edits) I make a draft on Ao3, and just use their standard sans-serif font which is different. 7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

Oh, this is hard, because I think there are three things and I don't know what is the deepest!

One thing I love when I've been noodling at something and then I come up with the perfect turn of phrase, or think of a great solution to a story-line issue I've been struggling with. Just something clicks into place and the answer is there in my brain! It's like solving a puzzle, it's so satisfying!

The second thing I love is when I can look back on something and feel like I did something well. Which isn't easy, because I really struggle with perfectionism and have a constant drive to improve! But when I can look at my writing and think I did a good job, even about a small part of it, that feels really good. Part of why it's so nice is because I'm learning to trust myself and my work. Growing up I mostly got criticism from my parents and they had absurdly high standards for me. I've been learning to trust that I know when something is working or not, and I've found the more I listen to my own instincts the happier I am with my creative work.

The third thing, and this shouldn't be a surprise because I think every writer feels this way, is when someone likes what I've written. To think that I can touch someone's emotions in some way is kinda mind blowing to me! Like, I'm so new at this*, and have so much room to grow, and people still like it?!?! And a nice comment from someone is enough to get me teary-eyed from joy on and off for like a week! (I'm a very emotional person, which sometimes has it's perks, lol!)

Thanks for ask, Bob! It was fun! Though I kinda turned my answers into mini essays, lol!

*I only started writing in August or September of last year!

#weird writing ask game #writing things #ask game

[shark-myths]

tagged by the lovely @setting-in-a-honeymoon !

What is your absolute all-time favorite idea you’ve ever had?

if you didn't know already, my toxic trait is that i love my own writing and you're about to find out firsthand! the ideas that are my favorite tend to be the more magical ones--i love what i did with the boys time can't capture, i love the velveteen rabbit au, i am still obsessed with my coyote ugly/beauty and the beast mashup. on the other hand, making fall out boy into girls might be genuinely the greatest idea i've ever had--deceptively simple, enduringly brilliant!

What is your favorite part of being a writer? Which parts could you take or leave?

my favorite thing is getting to find out wherever my ideas go! i never know what's going to happen or how a story's going to end. it always takes me places that are so much more rich and rewarding and surprising than i expected when i first embarked. i also love being able to evoke the exact right feeling i'm aiming for! i am aphantasic so describing visual things well in writing is a struggle--i can't really check to see if it's effective?--so i tend to focus more on specific vibes and feelings. it is incredibly satisfying to want reading something to feel a certain way and make that happen.

the part i hate the most is that the energy i use to write is the same energy that my specific career uses. work taps me out and i often have nothing left to write with, and that's sad, because i love being creative much more than i love participating in capitalism! one of the great frustrations of my adult life is that my ideas come in slow and faint, and i so rarely have the emotional space to draw them out and grow them into stories. it feels honestly like a waste.

What is your greatest motivation to write/create?

mostly, because i'm excited about some concept and i want to explore it! sometimes there's something i need to heal, or sometimes i'm interested in an idea like loss & salvage (that one led to the recently completed fic, the house on rosewood lane), or a classic fairy tale trope, or something outrageous pete wentz has said that i simply cannot live with. like many of us, i often write out of the desire to fix something, because i think the source material has gotten it wrong or because i personally don't understand the decisions of a story (in college i fixed cinderella by making her a lesbian). other times, i just love a rom com and i want to do it myself, because farce is delightful. i think i am my most alive and motivated as a writer when there's something transformative i get to do! i love fanworks and writing in established universes because there's a given set of constraints and i have to create something interesting within them, without breaking the rules of the universe or the real history, or breaking them very deliberately and with a purpose. it's a specific type of almost conversational fun, a give and take with the established history and tradition and culture of a thing, that i don't often feel when i'm writing fully original works. (my favorite recent published version of this game is katherine addison's sherlock holmes with angels novel, the angel of the crows.)

What do you wish you knew when you first started out writing?

you know, i am incredibly happy with the way i developed from a tiny kiddo writing novels about kittens lost in airports to who i am as a writer today. i have watched myself identify weaknesses in my style and range and worked to grow and improve, and every step in that process is so valuable, i don't think you can skip ahead! i started posting my writing on the internet 20 years ago and i feel really good about that. i've learned so much and been a part of so many communities. writing is so joyful, and i'm glad i never lost that to the pressure turn it profitable. my work is profoundly un-sellable and i feel pride in that.

maybe something i could have learned sooner is that fanfic doesn't have to be embarrassing; fandom is one of my favorite parts about being who i am and has led to some of my coolest experiences and closest friendships.

What is your favorite story you’ve written to completion? Link it if you’d like and can!

it is so hard to choose, I have so many favorites for so many different reasons! girl out boy will be my most important work forever and the boys time can't capture is my FOB masterwork, but one that i think is really pretty and well done and more understated is the swantrick fairy tale, i'm a wing i'm a prayer. i revisit it often.

(pour one out for my gay pirate au, also! love that story, long may it live in the wayback machine. hope to write a sequel one day)

What is your favorite out of the box quote?

i'm too vain to choose / too wordy to remember. my favorite moments are when i sound enough like pete that i can't quite tell if i've quoted one of his ljs or invented a line.

Which of your characters would you say has the most controversial mindset? Why do you say so and how do you personally feel about their ideals?

hmm, maybe evil joe in don't want to be a footnote? he's wicked just for the fun of it. (i'm not, i swear!) i like to think i usually write complicated characters who have at least one shitty opinion / trait i don't endorse.

If you, when you first started writing, met you now, what would younger you think?

oh, i started writing stories before i knew the alphabet. that's a tiny kid! i think she'd be pretty jazzed in general, though the somewhat older version would be very surprised that she didn't publish a novel while in elementary school, become famous, and show everyone who was mean to her how wrong they were, because that was her real plan for many years. any age version would probably feel weird about the powerpoint, though.

i vague-tag whoever feels like doing this, and specifically @leyley09 !

#writing #writing life #about me #fic #fandom #thanks dear this was fun!

[kirazdaha]

HAHAHAHA Every Turk Family has one of those names and unironically mine does too 🫡 Tell your mother thank you she is a very lovely lady

I know all of the artists you listed below because my dad blasts them on the radio everytime we go out... I call it old people music but hey I never said it was bad, they're awesome and I might have memorised some of the artist's songs from how much I listen to them... Barış Manço is a classic without a doubt! Fun fact my parents were able to go to his concert and got a signed picture with him I will always envy how lucky they were 😭 I love how women in the industry made the most iconic songs I hear them often in weddings too! Or clubs, even though I only went to one once I'm not very fond of them...

My questions were do you have any tips or inspiration with how you draw! I love your art and artstyle and it's honestly what I've been trying to achieve for a while, I can't believe I'm learning how to draw men because of a silly lawyer show it's a disease...

(We are just having a conversation at this point) (I feel like those people who speak out loud in public) (I hope you and anyone who's reading this is having a good day :) be kind to yourself and others everyone)

OH MY GOD i envy them too😭😭 also omg that sounds like heaven to me. the other day i went out partying and i felt sooo out of place because i only knew like 3 songs. omg it was so so bad.

hmmm tips and inspiration…. my number 1 tip would definitely be to look at a lot of other artists you like and analyze what exactly you like. and then try to emulate that in your own work. i try to look for inspiration everywhere - artists online, traditional artists, old masters, 3d artists, even theatre and poetry, etc. - doesnt mean that i am equally inspired by them all (because all these things at once sound so scary and big but they really arent!) but rather, i try to be open for anything and that helps me find inspiration :) 

ill try to explain my thoughts more under the cut because this got long:

for me for example, so far i only posted some art i made that was lined (which, i would say makes up maybe half of the art i draw - i mostly sketch and recently have been building up the courage to paint more) and one of my inspirations is meltow. i think if you go over and check out their art youll definitely see it lol. but also i love the clean look some comics have and my friends tell me my art looks like it belongs in a comic which, i guess yeah :) when it comes to colors and composition i LOVE this artists works. i still have a lot to learn and just looking at their works inspires me so much!!!

i will say i have ALWAYS struggled with lineart. its probably the worst thing in the world to me because it never feels right!!! i like lining on paper with harsh inks and stiff ink nibs that allow for like. very little variety in line weight, but i havent done that in over 3 years (i hope i can get back to that). but yes, something about lineart makes me feel so icky when i use any brush that reacts to the pressure you put on your tablet LOL i just hate it. ugh. i havent been able to work it out.

it was only in 2020 i think that i decided to try it out with a thick brush with some texture and no pen pressure. that probably was the first time i got actual lineart that (at the time) i liked done. and then later on, discovering that other artists are able to achieve beautiful drawings with similar brushes AND that lining with a very simple brush can feel so satisfying helped me evolve a lot! until 2022, i actually wasnt able to give my art the kind of finished look that i wanted. so what people consider my style is really just born out of my limits and working with them. that obviously doesnt mean that i dont try to challenge myself as much as i can. i do and i think everyone should! thats what makes art so fun

if theres any good advice i can give to a beginner itd probaaaaably be. okay this is difficult and i feel like im not really qualified for this. as a hobbyist much less so because a lot of the knowledge and skills i acquired was through an intuitive process (i could never stick with habits such as regular studies or warmups or whatever is meant to be good for you) which definitely isnt the most “productive” way but i mean it doesnt have to be. its just a hobby! you dont have to perfect art. but yes, i would definitely say dont stop drawing. youll always be your harshest critic and at the beginning, and especially if you begin at an older age because youve been training your eye your whole life but your drawing skills for only a relatively short time you will notice a lot of mistakes. and youll think you wont achieve the image you have in your head. and maybe you wont (because youll always strive for more and youll never really be satisfied as an artist bla bla) for a while. but you have to keep drawing! try out different strategies, find out how other artists draw, watch speedpaints, try out different papers and pencils, try everything that makes it more fun and keep going! it will all pay off!! 

in my eyes theres also no point in saying “i should wait till im better to draw this idea i have” because if inspiration strikes you you should use that. even though i still sometimes catch myself thinking like that. you can always redraw things later on!! if theres anything that will keep you drawing you should use that! like getting into shows and games that make me want to draw helps a ton LOL people are not joking when they say getting obsessed with one character is the quickest way to improve. i 100% agree!!! if you saw my first nachos you wouldnt even recognize him. not kidding wow this got long. thank you for the questions though!! i hope some of my rambling can help you. feel free to talk to me whenever!

[kappatater]

WARNING:

A Ramble About Why I Draw, I Guess?

Thinking about my art this year, and something's kinda adding up, so I'm gonna ramble a bit. It's a jumbled mess, but I think it'll make more sense near the end?

This could be boring and long-winded, so let's draw a nice li'l bunny throughout, m'kay? :)

My social capabilities are stunted, mostly due to trying to develop a personality based on entertaining people, with no regard to my self, at a very early age. Think "a poor attempt at becoming a comic relief character IRL". At some point, I became more self-aware, realized I was unfunny and VERY unhappy, and the people-pleasing part sorta traded places with retreat/silence. These days I fall back more on politeness than anything, but the way I talk, if I'm not spouting trivia or a joke, is fairly messy and sparse.

Despite how much I type these days, and despite my weird vernacular due to literally growing up reading a dictionary, I don't consider myself a writer. I've definitely learned how to be more succinct with writing (admittedly this could stem from using Twitter, what with its typing limits), but any form of creative writing that isn't a form of poetry with structure/pattern will falter from me. Definitely more an arithmetic guy. A puzzle guy. A nerd.

I started drawing because it was and still is the most vivid way I can get my thoughts out. I had a LOT of thoughts, so I drew constantly. For the longest time, almost all I'd draw was original stuff, I didn't get into fan art much until... high school? Even then, when I became more driven to make characters... as characters, I'd pretty much just have a doodle or two and my thoughts.

I never really thought about sharing my stuff back then, mostly cuz I was too thin-skinned to take light-hearted thoughts about the things I made then, but also because... I think I was satisfied with them being just drawings? I actually dunno. I did try to go to school for animation, but due to a MYRIAD of reasons, both personal and not personal, I had to stop. Still satisfied with creation for the sake of creation; I exist, so I just create. That's the bread and butter of my life! Hits different now than then, though.

When I learned how to draw and post online, the amount of fan art I did skyrocketed. I'm unsure if it's because of change in subject desire, desperation, or just reading the zeitgeist. Prolly all three.

Recently, I've been delving into these OCs that sorta came outta nowhere. Ada, Eclair, some others that I have yet to introduce here that I hope y'all'll like. Actually got to make friends thanks to my characters.

I think I've gotten to the meat of this ramble: The fan art I've made is sorta like trying to tell people about games I think about or can talk about, stuff like that. I've made characters that I now actively have to expand upon and convey that to pretty much talk about them. I'm making art to holster my socialness (I don't care if that's not in the dictionary). And due to that stunted socialness being the roots of that, rather than vice versa, the art slows if I find it hard to talk about. I don't think it's a BAD thing, per se, but it's definitely notable. My attempts at getting better at socializing fall and rise, but more often they rise.

This year, I've been trying to get back into drawing in sketchbooks, mostly doodling and planning. Trying to loosen up a bit. But also, I've been trying to create things without telling people about them. No advertisement. This feels like the purest form of self-expression for me; to create for absolutely no one but myself. Who knows when people will learn about these hidden things? Maybe when I'm done with them, maybe on my deathbed.

I have my social characters and my personal characters. And I do a lot of doodles between all of that. I've done a lot, I do a lot.

now dats a bnuuy

#ramblings #self reflection #wasp #wait what wasp #thats a bun right there

[megan-bopo-journey]

Coeliac/depression/anxiety chronicles ;(

It's been an exhausting few weeks, ever since Navin's wedding like over 2 weeks ago I have not had a weekend where there's been some kind of social occasion, and therefore having to be around food I can't eat.

I always want to go into these situations prepared but I've realised I can never actually fully prepare myself when I can't predict what food is going to be available to me. Part of me just wants to assume that there won't be food available and basically never leave my house without packing food, which is a little sad but doable especially if I bring food that is nice. See I don't want to bring just like tuna and rice cakes because that won't be satisfying, I'd much rather bring like a chicken and quinoa salad and a little bliss ball because it's like ~kinda healthy~ but also satisfying. What I've kinda been ending up doing though is compulsively eating prior to an event and being petrified of being hungry and then ending up being at the event where I've been catered for and eating even more to the point of feeling sick because I feel rude refusing food that people have specifically catered for me. But it's just so inconsistent and even if I ask people to cater for me sometimes they get it wrong and then I get frustrated that I have to learn so much about food (when I already overthink food anyway due to my disordered eating history) when they have to ask if rice or potatoes are gluten free because they've actually never had to think about it before!

But back to the point, I don't think I'm brave enough anymore to consider going places without bringing food unless I'm 100% sure that they will have food for me and if they do and I have the emotional energy to ask questions about it and I can eat it then I can still have some moments of being able to enjoy food with people and if I need to throw my salad out it's not the end of the world (because I also feel guilty wasting food). I think the best thing for me is to let go of trying to be 'normal' because I'm not. I can't avoid getting noticed because literally every event with food includes me having to talk about this fucking disease. I feel like I've tried so hard to maintain some sense of normalcy or find ways to blend in so people don't ask about my coeliac or whatever which is probably why I've spent the last 2 years mostly avoiding telling restaurants I'm coeliac because a. It's fucking ridiculous that my body is THAT fucking sensitive to an ingredient that is of course in LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING but b. TBH it's just fucking humiliating having to be fucking accommodated after being so independent for 26 years. and also unless I'm with a friend that knows about this shit already it then starts a conversation of "oH yOU HAve coELIAC? my friend has it but its rEALLY baD!!!" or "that must be sooooooo hard" and then just I'm getting used to the idea I get triggered and realise that yeah....it's really fucking shit. I feel like I only feel at peace when I'm just on my own, making my own food, with no one around me to judge me or remind me how shit my life is. when I'm in a routine with gym and meal prepping and work where I can eat alone most days or even with people I can eat my meal prep and it just looks normal and no one talks about it. I'm grateful there are options and I have a job now where there's rarely surprise meetings with food or fucking birthday cakes and shit and really it suits me so well because I'm going to have to deal with this for rest of my life and it impacts so much of my life and I'm grateful I have some level of control with this part of my life. Ideally working as a complete sole trader would be amazing because unfortunately we still have the fucking group supervision every 2 months where they get food and the retreat thing this Saturday and the Christmas Party but with these I can bring my own food easily, with the retreat thing I have supervision tomorrow so I can ask if she was planning anything and I can give some ideas if she isn't or at least have some predictability about it. I hate that I have to think so much about food all the time (which is been made worse with my body image issues) but I think it's just these challenges that I have that I can try my best to prepare for or prepare for a menty b if it doesn't go to plan -which because as I said I can usually never predict these things is usually what happens. There is Emma's birthday on Saturday night but because I'm doing the river walk with work afterwards and it'll be a tough day being around people all eating food that I probably can't eat I really don't have it in me. The restaurant has GF options but I know I wont have it in me to let them know I'm coeliac and just for the conversation that follows and although they have GF options I always get envy of the other food that people have ordered (which makes me feel gluttonous and guilty because I'm not exactly a string bean I could afford to eat healthier for once in my life-but I'm also a fucking human being who enjoys food that tastes good and wants to enjoy it around other people-god forbid!!). Oh and it's in burwood and after a day of work-just no. Also the last time I went to a Japanese restaurant of course people wanted to share dishes (that's how you do it) but that just not work when you have dietary requirements and instead of just ordering everything GF the fucking idiots were like oh we'll order normal satay chicken (or whatever it was) and I'll order the GF and when they brought it out I ate it thinking it was the GF only for them to be like -

[mrbexwrites]

Happy STS!

This week I’m asking about the writing process – I’m curious to see how people do it.

Do you refer to anything as you write? E.g. pictures, calendars for the timeline, maps to measure travelling distance? Basically, what references, if any, do you keep on your desk/always open in another window while writing?

Hi Sam!

Happy STS, and thanks for the ask!

My writing process is a bit chaotic, for a self-described planner!

I have a notebook with the story outline which contains all the major scenes that I want to write to progress the story, but once I start writing, those pesky characters tend to deviate and go off on their own. So I either have to rein them back in, find a work around to get when I need them to be, or find a new path to get back on track! It's certainly taken some of WIPs in weird and wonderful directions!!

I try to do as much research as possible when it comes to the topics that I write about- I have a Google Doc for each WIP which contains all the links to webpages that I've used for research so that I can go back and check things if/when needed (mostly when!!) I add to it as I go, as I often find myself having to do some ad hoc research on the fly due to the aforementioned plot/character deviations, so those links get added to the doc.

I also like to be a bit old school and read textbooks that I pick up second hand, or that I have from my time in education (I studied forensic psychology, so have lots of old books on crime scenes, the criminal justice system, people's motives etc etc) that I like to annotate, and add sticky notes to. (Side note- I am a sucker for sticky tab page markers and a smooth highlighter pen. So satisfying!)

I like to collect all the bits and bobs in a notebook. In the past, when I was writing more High Fantasy, rather than Urban, I would doodle maps, family trees, keep a note of made-up words/slang and their meanings etc.

It's all a bit chaotic, having to jump between the different places that I keep everything, and I can get muddled at times- especially with my timelines (as well you know! Which is why I try to keep them vague, but I appreciate that this is detrimental for the reader, so it's something that I'm going to work on! I promise!)

I've seen a lot of other Writblrs mention Scrivener, and I've sort of halfheartedly looked into it. I think it's a tool that I would find useful, but given that I don't even know what I want to do with my WIPs once they're finished, at the moment I don't think it's something that I can justify spending money on. (I've seen folk mention that they often get money off vouchers after NaNo, so I'll maybe look into it more then? I tend to ignore all the NaNo emails and rewards at the end of Nov. I'm in it for the certificate, and the motivation it brings; I'm a terrible procrastinator, and struggle to carve out time to write- although, this hellsite (affectionate) and all the others writblrs on here, yourself included, have been a great source for motivating me, and making me want to write, even if it's just so that I can keep up with all the tag games- as otherwise, you'd just have the same snippets shared over and over again!!)

Once I've finshed a WIP, it just sort of languishes in Google Docs. I used to handwrite my stories, and try to edit them when I typed them up, but editing isn't my forte, as I lack the technical skills for line editing etc, and I've only just had my first beta feedback (thank you again! I will pay you back in Party Rings at some point!!) which has been a really helpful exercise for me. So still learning on the next steps on what other people do after you've actually finished a first draft!

So yeah, that's my process- if you can call it that! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#I guess you can call it a process #more unhinged ramblings #STS #answered asks