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rustytrident · 1 year

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mc's ultimate guide to visiting the devildom!!

a comprehensive guide to being an exchange student to the devildom by yours truly, mc.

ch: diavolo, barbatos, lucifer, mammon, leviathan, satan, asmodeus, beelzebub, belphegor

cw: none (relationships between the characters are meant to be platonic, though i could make a nsfw version of this)

a/n: this is a long ass post ‼️‼️ i tried to be as objective as possible but idk if any biases came through. i also literally thought of this while i was cleaning my bathroom so the idea may be shitty,,, get it?? cause i was,,, cleaning my bathroom,,,, , , the idea may be shitty,,,,,, ,,,, okay so the punchline is that since i was cle-

lifestyle:

wear gloves. for everything

trust your sense of smell. if something smells too good or too bad, get the fuck away from it

write your name on the hem of your clothes

always check if something can be consumed by humans. trust me, you'd rather go hungry for a little longer than grow a limb from your stomach

don't look people in the eye when walking past them. stare straight ahead, shoulders square

learn who you can lie to and who you can't. trust your gut with that, though most demons have tells you'll need to learn

keep track of your health and request check ups from human doctors

generally, don't be afraid to ask for anything. you deserve nice experiences, as well as, ,,, yknow,,,,, checkups

take pictures of everything

don't touch books unless a trusted demon tells you it's okay

don't lose touch with your culture. implement it everywhere, from your room to your food to your music. teach your housemates all you know about it

remember you are surrounded by demons. don't tease them, don't tempt them (unless you have a pact or a pretty decent relationship with them)

the royal family:

the devildom is currently under monarchy. you will only interact with the prince, diavolo, and his butler, barbatos.

diavolo knows. he always has, he always will. don't lie to him

don't be too friendly with him for the first four months

absolutely be friendly with him after those four initial months

between us, he needs friends. and beings who don't treat him like he's fragile.

he likes games of any kind. use that to your advantage

barbatos seems scary, and he is. but you can trust him

do go over for tea if he invites you. he has an affinity for cooking and baking (mostly baking – teach him any cool recipes you may know!), and likes to serve whatever he makes with a warm cup of tea

do not, under any circumstances, even so much as mention anything about rats to him. for interworld peace

diavolo will always come first for him. don't test or question their bond, our brains are probably incapable of perceiving its magnitude

the king is just. there. but like, not even there. currently asleep

the queen is dead (unfortunately, this phrase is not seen as something positive in the devildom. don't ever say it)

the brothers:

probably the ones you'll be living with. then again, maybe not. part of the student council, and diavolo's closest companions (you'll be seeing a hearing a lot from them).

lucifer is... nice. once you get to know him. give him some time

he's very sad, very overworked. kinda like a wet cat with a family to feed. stroke his ego about twice a week and you'll be good

don't put up with what he says if it makes you uncomfortable, and don't be afraid to speak up. if you need backup, go to satan and/or belphegor

he loves music. if you want to get to know him better, ask him if he would like to talk to you about his favourite songs (they're most likely from cursed records, so listening to them is not an option)

mammon will most likely steal from you. again, put your name on everything, take pictures of everything.

the friendliest of all of them, along with beelzebub, and one of the most loyal ones

loud and a tsundere. don't ask how that works. also, very funny (laugh at his jokes even if you don't like them)

he doesn't know what boundaries are. set yours early and don't follow along with his schemes if you don't like them. he's got puppy eyes, don't fall for them

leviathan is an introvert, and antisocial. don't pressure him to talk to you.

if you're dead set in getting closer to him, do it through asking what game he's playing, or what anime he's watching. his interests are the only way he will open up

he will talk a lot if he likes the subject. he also knows every meme out there, so you can be free to say anything

he's very insecure, and will sometimes guilt trip you without realising. stay firm in your beliefs and be honest with him (do not anger him unless you know how to swim)

satan being the avatar of wrath shouldn't scare you. just don't mention anything good about lucifer during the first few months of you being there, and you'll be good

he likes books, and has learnt to be very open with his affections through them. if he likes you, you will know

again, he likes books. want him to like you? ask for recommendations, plots, ideas, poems. he's got you covered

he also loves cats. like, a lot. so if you're not the biggest reader it's time to be the biggest petter

asmodeus is touchy, but he never crosses any boundaries once they're clear to him. if you don't like physical touch, make it clear to him

the first being you should go to if you want to have any sort of physical relationship with someone there. it could be awkward to just... ask, but he's not held back by any prejudice, and would love to help

pay attention to him when he speaks. he may seem like too much sometimes, but he will be even more if you don't look him in the eye and nod (at least).

tell him he's beautiful, cause he is. and also cause who would call aphrodite themselves ugly like??

beelzebub is chill, for the most part. just don't disrespect his family or eat his food.

he's the number one demon to go to when you're having issues and want to vent it out. doubles as someone you could hug after and get a pat on the head from, but only if he's comfortable.

always have a snack in your pocket for him, you'll never regret it (but don't make it a regular thing)

he will eat anything. that is both a warning and a piece of advice.

belphegor can have a sharp tongue, so if you're sensitive it's better to either be vocal about not liking certain things he says or not be around him all together

very knowledgeable about the human world, probably the most out of all the brothers. go to him if you feel homesick

also a scholar. no he won't do your homework for you. yes he will pass every class even though he's asleep in all of them. just don't pick him as your study buddy.

doesn't hide his feelings well – you can tell what he's thinking about just by looking at him

enjoy your stay, little sheep~

#obey me #obey me shall we date #lucifer obey me #mammon obey me #obey me leviathan #satan obey me #obey me asmodeus #beelzebub obey me #belphegor obey me #diavolo obey me #obey me barbatos #sing me a song // the song of our glory

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matrixbearer2024 · 2 months

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HELLO ITS ME 🥭Anon!!! I JUST HAD THE MOST BAZINGA IDEA EVER DJSHAJHDHJAF

So.... Hear me out..

Cuz like what if like ever since reader beat Vox at that videogame he started training practicing idk to prepare to beat reader again until reader goes to erm reverse heaven

So then reader brings it up and Vox gets pissy (as usual) but then she recommends multiplayer, like those games that have a storyline and bosses, so they try it out and it ends up being one of their pass-times

Then when they finally beat the final boss after like a billion attempts, reader gets a lil too hyped and like kisses vox all over the screen which of course causes him to blue screen like a love-sick-idiot-in-denial (official term for Vox being a river in Egypt) while reader is just bouncing off the walls unaware of what they did

(could be before or after they start dating though I think it'd be a lot cuter when they're still friends)

(P.S: remember to drink water and rest properly!) -🥭anon

Video Gaming, Competitive Raging

Vox x CollegeStudent!Reader

A/N: Heeeey! You're back 🥭 Anon! Nice to see you! Also yes, I love this idea lmao- it's not something I wouldn't put past Reader cuz they're just like that HAHAHAHAHA- the story itself is a little deviated from the prompt but the idea is the same XD- maybe after this I'll stop bullying these two and actually write a confession scene because damn they just runnin around in CIRCLES LMFAOOO. Send me ideas for how you want to confess to the Picturebox y'all cuz I'm kinda pulling blanks XD. Yes I'm saying Reader's gonna confess first, Vox would end up bluescreening in his attempt to even take initiative. I might write a few more interludes before the confession but yeah- I WANT THEM TO SMOOCH- SIKEEE NAH IT WON'T BE THAT EASY HAHAHAHAHAHA- But do pls send me ideas I am in a funk whdksjdjsksj-

A/N: Btw I'd imagine they're playing a game kinda like cuphead? Cuz that game was the fucking BANE of my existence when I played it. I didn't want to accept I was struggling and continued to play on the hardest difficulty right off the bat cuz I was so sure I could handle it HAHAHAHAHA.

No one at the hotel could've honestly expected whatever was going on to happen.

You and Vox were practically screaming at the TV screen in sheer rage while replaying a level in a game you'd both been stuck on for hours.

Charlie didn't know if this was slightly her fault or not for even suggesting game night.

Hell, nobody knew you'd invited the technology overlord until he showed up at the door and you simply pulled him inside as usual.

He was roped into most of the games you guys played-

Well, except for the trivia ones because you quickly pointed out he had the internet quite literally an extension of his mind.

So any niche fact or trivia that was asked- he could just search it up which was straight up cheating.

But everyone had severely underestimated just how competitive you and Vox could become as a duo.

From constantly teaming in the board games to immediately getting invested in the co-op video game that they switched to.

Charlie and Vaggie had leisurely enjoyed the game-

Angel and Husker didn't really play much and instead made jabs at each other's skill-

Alastor and Lucifer couldn't even get started with their confusion on the controls-

And you and Vox decided to play the game on the hardest difficulty because it didn't seem that bad in Charlie and Vaggie's playthrough.

Oh, it was that bad.

But the both of you refused to admit it and switch it back to the easier mode.

Vox and his huge ego, you and your pride as a gamer.

"You actually practiced ever since I beat you that one time??"

"Didn't I mention that I would? I'm getting that rematch eventually dollface."

"PFFT- Bro I didn't think you were serious!"

"Why you little-!"

Though, this was totally and entirely different from the PvP game you and Vox had played prior.

This game actually had a storyline and plot.

That neither of you gave enough of a rat's ass to pay attention to.

The hardest difficulty was pretty much just a consistent boss rush, and as if you weren't both always on low HP-

Someone was always dying every level.

"REZ ME! REZ ME YOU BASTARD!!"

"STOP FUCKING DYING AND I WON'T HAVE TO REZ YOU BITCH!!"

Admittedly, it was extremely entertaining to watch you both go up and down with your moods whenever anything happened.

Alastor couldn't for the life of him understand most of your gamer gibberish and slang though-

The rest of the gang had just taken seats on the couch behind you both and made silly bets on who would go wayside from frustration first.

Either from the level's sheer difficulty or the puzzles themselves that were a bit too convoluted for their own good.

"No- NO! Move that cube to the right!!"

"I- HUH?! THERE'S NO PATH ON THE RIGHT!"

"VOX YOUR OTHER RIGHT-"

"JUST SAY MY LEFT FOR FUCK'S SAKE-"

Everyone else was already starting to guess some mishaps that would happen from you two raging.

Like who would break a controller first-

Vox did, but there were thankfully a couple spares anyway and he'd just replace the broken one soon.

And who would get mad enough to break the TV.

Which in a hilarious twist of events- was actually you.

In one of your expletive filled episodes you threw your controller at the screen hard enough that it broke the screen and your controller.

Everyone kind of thought you and Vox would be done with the game after that.

But nope-

Come tomorrow there was a new VoxTech TV shipped to the hotel to replace the one you broke.

At first, it seemed like it was because Vox was simply being courteous-

Well Charlie thought that.

Everyone just guessed he wanted something in the hotel he could use to spy on everyone-

Still, the actual reason was somehow entirely disconnected from that.

"Egh. He sent over a new one."

Of course Alastor would notice the device and hate it's existence immediately.

"Aww! How nice of him!"

Charlie- bless her heart- she really only sees the best in people-

"Not really, I'd bet it's just so he can spy on us."

Hahaha- now that's a more realistic view from Vaggie.

"Wouldn't put it against him, especially after what he had pentious do before."

Angel still never forgot that, he sometimes even made jabs at Vox for it until now.

"Oh! It's here! Yo help me set this up!"

"Well, somebody's excited."

Husker just came over to check what the commotion was, he didn't realize what he was getting into though.

"No DUH. I've been wanting to finish that game with Vox!"

"Wait- what game? The one where you got so angry you broke the TV?!"

"Uhhh, yeah? What else?"

Your reply had everyone just dumbfounded.

Why would you subject yourself back to such clear torture-

Actually Alastor just found you going back to playing that game entertaining, especially after it was clear that it had sadistic levels of difficulty.

After that, the others would often catch you and the TV overlord continue your playthrough as a pastime-

Either online or when you were both physically there in the hotel lobby.

And every session was possibly just as explosive as the last.

Curses were hurled around, screaming, throwing things-

Angel couldn't help but realize just how similar you were to your flatscreen companion in this regard.

That or you both had spent enough time with each other that the habits and mannerisms of one bled into the other.

Vox definitely became more docile- and you...

Actually no one could tell if you were already that wild or not.

"FUUUUUCK!!! THIS STUPID BOSS JUST WON'T DIE!"

"I CANNOT WITH THESE ATTACK PATTERNS?! DID MASOCHISTS FUCKING DESIGN THIS SHIT?!"

The both of you didn't mellow out at all after any of your shared gaming sessions.

In fact, everyone mostly steered clear of you afterwards because of how snappy and irritable you were.

The only one who could put up with your grumpy sarcasm was Angel or Lucifer.

Alastor would often just come in to bother you more while you played-

Which would soon turn into both you and Vox absolutely screeching at him for throwing you both off when you were so close to winning.

Neither of you were close to the goal at all-

Which the radio demon could tell, and he found your fits absolutely hilarious.

Though eventually, after pouring so many painful hours into the game-

Both you and Vox predictably got better at it.

But that didn't stop either of you from getting stuck at the final boss level.

And that absolutely made both of you raging so much worse.

"I'M GOING TO COMMIT MASS FUCKING GENOCIDE IF WE DIE TO THIS BASTARD ONE MORE TIME I SWEAR TO GOD-"

"AND I'D GLADLY JOIN YOU DOLL! HOW THE FUCK WOULD ANYONE EVEN THINK OF MAKING THIS LEVEL?!"

You died again, but the retry button was once again slammed because both of you were stubborn.

Neither of you were willing to give up so easily, especially when the game's end was in sight.

So near but yet so far-

But that wouldn't stop you guys from trying.

Everyone else in the hotel was just waiting and watching to see what would happen next.

After all, it became so interesting to watch what you two would do next.

Eventually, Vox took off his coat and rolled up his sleeves while you somehow ended up with his hat on your head.

Common sense and sanity was starting to become a little less common when the game was taking up so much energy and focus.

It took another hour of frustrated screaming and cursing before you both eventually managed to beat the final boss.

And to say you two were over the moon was an understatement.

"WE BEAT IT! WE BEAT IT!!!"

"WE FINALLY FUCKING WON!"

You threw your arms around Vox as you both jumped up in place and shouted in excitement.

Your enthusiasm was so contagious it unintentionally spilled over to your overlord buddy.

The grins on your faces were so wide as you both just celebrated and cheered for a hot minute.

Vox completely lost himself when you finally let go and just ran around the lobby screaming.

Of course that winning high was searing through his circuits, it was well fucking deserved after all the painstaking effort he put in!

"FUCK YOU (Boss Name)! AHAHAHA! THIS IS BETTER THAN SEX!!"

Everyone, aside from you, gave him an odd look when he flipped off the TV screen and said that.

It was still displaying the victory menu even-

It was so unprompted and out of left field which made little to no sense even with context-

Not that anyone expected you or Vox to have any marbles left in your heads after that intense gaming session.

So imagine everyone's collective surprise when you suddenly tackled the taller TV overlord and peppered kisses all over his screen from joy.

You were just so pleased with yourself for finally beating the game that you didn't realize what you had done.

Especially when you quickly got up and started running around the room again too.

All that sudden affection from you spiked Vox's emotions almost immediately-

So it was expected that his screen very swiftly overheated and glitched.

And in no sooner than a few seconds, the man also bluescreened.

But you were too busy bouncing off the walls to even realize!

Everyone else just shared a laugh at how stupid the whole situation was.

But knowing how your relationship was with the TV overlord-

This kind of chaos wouldn't ever be a rare occurrence again with you two around.

#hazbin hotel #vox x reader #vox #hazbin hotel vox #get off my screen series #hazbin vox #vox x you #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin vox x reader #hazbin hotel vox x reader

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estrellami-1 · 6 months

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Keep You Company

So this happened because 1) I was babysitting and the little girl wouldn’t sleep until I laid in bed with her and my heart has NEVER been more full and 2) my dad’s an audio engineer with a home studio and my mom will just???? Sit in there with him????? He’s got a couch for when clients come over but 90% of the time if I can’t find either of my parents they’re both in there. I love my mom but I swear she’s tone deaf. Not to mention if any of you have heard someone else work on pitch correction you KNOW how annoying it can get after roughly .3 seconds. But she sits in there completely content because they just???? Want to be near each other????? After close to 30 years of marriage????? Where can I find someone who loves me the way my parents love each other. And the way Steve and Eddie love each other. Please.

Also side note if any of yall read Little Love I’m tempted to make this a future excerpt 👀 different name bc who knows if anything’s gonna come of this. and Joanie’s name comes from Joan Jett anyone who got that gets a gold star ⭐️ also Joanie is either 4 or 6. Idk which. But she’s one of those ages. Which if you know anything about kids you know there’s somehow no difference and yet every difference in the world between those two ages.

“Night, Daddy,” Joanie says, moving into Eddie’s studio to drop a kiss onto his cheek. “Love you.”

Eddie startles away from the computer screen, blinking as he realizes just how late it already is. The clock on his desk blinks 9:08 in red, incriminating flashes.

He smiles at his daughter and throws his arms around her as he stands, hugging her to himself and whirling them around the space, careful around the low coffee table. “Goodnight, my little rockstar!” He crows, peppering kisses to her cheeks and forehead, feeling laughter bubble up inside him in response to Joanie’s giggles.

“Daddy!” She shrieks, but doesn’t try to pull away. He laughs and finally puts her down, pressing one last kiss to the crown of her head as he kneels in front of her.

“Night, Joanie-bug,” he murmurs. “Sorry I’ve been stuck in here all day. I wish I could just play with you all day instead.”

He boops her nose and she giggles. “What are you doing?”

Eddie hums and picks her up, moving closer to the computer to save his project. “Well, y’know how Daddy’s in a band?”

“Yuh-huh.”

“Well sometimes, Uncle Gareth gets a note wrong.”

Joanie giggles. “Only Uncle Gareth?”

“Only Uncle Gareth,” Eddie agrees in a super-serious way that they both know he doesn’t mean.

“And sometimes Daddy forgets how not to be a perfectionist,” Steve adds from the doorway with a smile.

“Also very true,” Eddie nods, putting his computer to sleep. “But I did a lot of work today, so hopefully I should be done soon. How about for now, I do bedtime clean-up routine, and Papa can read you your book?”

“M’kay,” Joanie says happily, because she’s a heathen and prefers Steve’s storytelling skills over Eddie’s. Eddie wants to bite her cheeks, she’s so cute, so he does, takes a big chomp and makes a dinosaur noise that has Joanie shrieking and laughing.

“Okay, munchkin,” he says, swinging her around onto his back and trotting through the house, purposely jostling her. “Beddy-bye time, which means it’s time for teeth brushing!”

“Can you sing the song?”

Eddie fights back a groan. Somehow, he’d forgotten this was coming. “Sure thing, Joanie. Let’s get some toothpaste on that brush, alright?”

They do, and Joanie looks at him expectantly. “Sing it, Daddy! Sing it!”

“Brush your teeth, up and down. Brush your teeth, ‘round and ‘round. Brush your teeth from left to right, brush your teeth in the morning and night.”

He goes through the entire song, helpless to the smile that grows as Joanie bops happily along to his singing. “Okay, baby bug,” he says finally, standing behind her with a brush. “How d’you want your hair tonight?”

Regardless of the rat’s nest it will be in the morning, Joanie refuses to sleep if her hair is at all in her face. Steve and Eddie started with simple braids until she discovered the magic of YouTube tutorials, which makes the bedtime routine both longer and less mundane.

“Two Elsa braids,” she says, resolutely not learning the proper name and instead using the one Eddie had jokingly said once.

“Two Elsa braids, coming up,” he says, because it’s cute and he’s not going to dissuade her.

“Can we do beads?”

“Beads are a daytime hairstyle, ‘member, munchkin?”

Joanie pouts at him in the mirror. “But they’re pretty!”

“They are pretty, but they won’t stay while you sleep. They’ll fall out, and then you’ll wake up in the middle of the night ‘cause you’re laying on beads, and you’ll wake us up, and then we’ll all be cranky.” Not that that exact thing had happened.

She narrows her eyes at him, trying to find a way around it, then finally huffs and agrees. “Okay.”

“You’ll look pretty even without the beads,” Eddie promises her. “And Elsa doesn’t have beads, remember?”

“Yeah, but Daddy, Elsa’s got magic powers!”

“That she does.”

Joanie pretends to shoot Eddie with her Elsa powers, and Eddie freezes in the middle of the first braid. “I can’t move,” he says, not moving his lips. “You froze me!”

Joanie giggles. “Unfreeze, Daddy!”

He dramatically relaxes and sighs. “Oh, good! Thank you!”

He finishes doing her hair and chases her into her room, where she picks out her pajamas: a pink shirt with ballet-dancing kittens, and a neon-green pair of leggings. “Bold choice,” Eddie comments. “You wanna do it yourself? Or do you want me to help you?”

“I wanna do it,” Joanie says, just like Eddie knew she would.

A few minutes later, she huffs, frustrated. “Daddy, help,” she asks, just like Eddie knew she would.

He helps rescue her from her shirt that had somehow become sentient long enough to wrap around her head, then gets her pants on and tucks her into bed before pressing a long, loud kiss to her forehead. “Nighty-night, Joanie-bug,” he murmurs. “Don’t let the bedbugs bite.”

Joanie giggles. “Only Joanie-bugs allowed in my bed!” She declares, and Eddie chuckles. “That’s right.”

He moves toward the door where Steve’s waiting to press a kiss to his husband’s forehead. “Sorry I was so busy.”

“You were working,” Steve murmurs. “It’s fine. I’ll come join you when I’m done, m’kay?”

“I’m gonna be in the studio for at least another hour tonight, babe,” Eddie says apologetically.

“Then I guess I’ll come keep you company.” He presses a quick kiss to Eddie’s lips before shoving him out the door. “Go work, I’ll be there in a bit.”

“Sir yes sir,” Eddie salutes, marching back to his studio.

The next time he surfaces, it’s to a tugging at his sleeve. He blinks, glances at the clock—10:37—and turns, ready to apologize to Steve, only to see Joanie.

A quick look reveals no Steve anywhere in the studio, so Eddie thinks he’s probably in bed. “Hey, munchkin,” he murmurs, picking her up and setting her in his lap. “We put you to bed an hour ago, what’s going on? Bad dream?”

Joanie shakes her head before resting it on Eddie’s shoulder. “Papa’s snoring.”

Eddie blinks. Steve does snore, but not loud enough she should be able to hear it from her room. “Oh,” he says quietly. “Did he fall asleep before finishing the story?”

Joanie nods against his shoulder, and he sighs as he cuddles her closer, once again saving his project before completely shutting the computer down for the night. “M’kay, Joanie-bug, let’s go get Papa into his own bed.”

“Daddy?” She asks on the way to her room.

“Yeah, baby?”

“Why’s Papa so tired?”

Eddie sighs. “He’s a teacher, sweet pea. He does a lot all day. And he loves his job, but it is very tiring. Then he comes home and cooks, ‘cause he’s better at it than I am. And there’s a lot of stuff that needs to be done around the house.”

Joanie’s quiet for a second. “And me?” She finally asks.

Eddie’s heart stutters painfully. “No, baby,” he murmurs. “Your Papa and I love you, so much, okay?”

“Okay,” Joanie agrees, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I love you too, Daddy.” After a few seconds of thought, she says, “Are there cooking videos on YouTube? Like for hair?”

Eddie blinks. “To learn how to do it? Yeah, I think so.”

Joanie nods. “You should watch those. And cook for Papa.”

Eddie chuckles. “Maybe I will,” he agrees, stopping short in the doorway to smile at the sight in front of him.

The bedside lamp is on and Steve, glasses askew, is halfway on the bed, on top of the covers. The book is open in his lap, hands still holding on to the sides. He is, as Joanie had said, snoring.

Eddie kisses Joanie’s forehead and puts her into bed beside Steve before taking the book from Steve’s lax hands, shutting it and putting it on her bedside table before kissing Steve’s forehead. “Stevie, baby,” he murmurs. “Wake up.”

Steve’s eyebrows scrunch and his eyes flutter beneath his closed lids before he takes an extra-deep breath and his eyes open. “Eds?” He murmurs. “What’s wrong?”

“You’ve gotta get up,” Eddie murmurs. “This isn’t your bed.”

He watches as Steve processes his words then looks around. He sees the confusion morph into understanding when he sees Joan. “Oh,” Steve murmurs. “Sorry, Joanie.”

“‘S okay, Papa,” Joanie answers. “You should go to bed.”

Steve chuckles tiredly and kisses her forehead. “I am, right now,” he promises. “Night, Joanie.”

“Night, Papa. Night, Daddy!”

“Night, Joanie-bug,” Eddie answers, wrapping his arm around Steve’s waist, half as a hug and half to help his husband stay steady.

“Sorry, Eds,” Steve murmurs. “Meant to join you.”

“It’s alright,” Eddie promises. “How about tomorrow I take Joanie out early for breakfast and let you sleep in?”

Steve frowns. “But you have work.”

“I’ve done the majority of it already,” Eddie answers. “You could take her out tomorrow afternoon if you want. Or just have a movie marathon here. I’ll finish up what I have to do. Tomorrow’s Saturday, right? So I’ll finish tomorrow, then Sunday I can make waffles for all of us. How’s that sound?”

Steve hums. “Good, ‘sides the you cooking part of it.”

“Oh, you little shit,” Eddie says delightedly, pressing a kiss to Steve’s temple. “Just you wait, you’ll understand the power of YouTube tutorials.”

Steve chuckles, quiet, tired, but no less full of love. “I can’t wait.”

Permanent Taglist (which I’ve been COMPLETELY terrible at I’m so sorry I promise I’ll try to do better): @justforthedead89 @ilovecupcakesandtea @madigoround @bookbinderbitch @suddenlyinlove @nburkhardt @artiststarme @paintsplatteredandimperfect @i-less-than-three-you @alyelf @quarble @messrs-weasley @littlewildflowerkitten @vankaar @starman-jpg @bornonthesavage @steddie-there @goodolefashionedloverboi @andienotannie @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @platinum-sunset @just-ladyme @steddiestains @swimmingbirdrunningrock @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme @martinskis-lydias @notaqueenakhaleesi @sleepyboosstuff @bestwifehaver @m-owo-n @thatonebadideapanda @finalmoondragon @velocitytimes2 @callmeanythjing @ajeff855 @ilikeititspretty @knitsforthetrail @sillysparrow @that-one-corvid @ace-is-bored @muricel @harpymoth @weirdandabsurd42

#stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #kid fic #is this what constitutes a kid fic?#or is that when the characters turn into kids #asking the important questions here #it’s 3:20am #I wrote this in like. two hours #send help #just an excuse to write fluff honestly #starambles

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mulletmitsuya · 8 months

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Tokyo Revengers Groupchat (not everyone, also random combinations, no specific gang)

Warnings: swearing, suggestive, homophobia by a gay person (just sillies), mentions of vomit and poison, mentions of drugs

Desc: placenta, placebo, or gazebo? 🤔

Rindou: yk when you tell someone something then they believe it and it works?

Rindou: like what you're saying isn't true but cause they think it is, it works

Ran: yes

Ran: the placenta effect

Izana: here we fucking go

Smiley: you're kidding right?😁

Ran: are you going to put a Smiley face after every single thing you text?

Ran: we get it, you smile really wide 👍

Smiley: kys

Ran: so hostile and for what

Mikey: idk what the word is but it's definitely not placenta

Izana: how even?

Mitsuya: ...the placebo effect??

Ran: isn't that those huge tent things

Mitsuya: that's a gazebo

Ran: oh

Ran: same thing

Smiley: you dumb as hell

Hakkai: you'd think that big ass forhead of yours would be worth something

Hakkai: smh

Ran: and you'd think after 10 years you'd get over whatever grudge you have against me

Hakkai: you literally hit my best friend (future bf) over the head with a brick

Chifuyu: thought you could sneak that in huh

Hakkai: he could have died

Ran: but he didn't?

Ran: i was just being silly and having fun

Ran: is that such a crime🙄

Hakkai: ITS FUCKING ATTEMPTED MURDER

Rindou: so is it placebo, placenta, or gazebo?

Mitsuya: it's placebo

Kazutora: placenta's are in females stomachs for pregnancy i think

Baji: that's the uterus (i'm so fucking smart)

Chifuyu: none of those are correct

Draken: google exists also

Draken: why are you asking us

Rindou: shut up for a sec

Rindou: would the placenta effect potentially kill someone

Rindou: like if you told someone that you poisoned them and then after a while they start frothing at the mouth and shit, could they die?

Rindou: or are they being a little bitch and faking lol

Rindou: i didn't actually put the rat poison in his drink (i think)

Rindou: but it kinda seems like he's dying or smth

Mikey: what the fuck is this situation

Mikey: is this real?💀

Rindou: nah

Rindou: hypothetically

Ran: does this have to do with the ambulance being here

Rindou: nah

Rindou: can y'all just answer me

Rindou: hurry before the "poison", does it's job or whatever

Rindou: guys he's throwing up pretty violently

Rindou: there's blood

Rindou: hypothetically

Izana: who would you have "hypothetically" poisoned?😐

Rindou: bro that's not the point, sir

Izana: stop calling me sir in normal situations

Izana: we're normal now and not in a gang and i'm a normal person not a gang leader

Mochi: so we don't have to call you Izana-sama anymore?

Ran: what if it turns us on

Izana: uhm

Kakucho: fuck off

Kakucho: sorry

Ran: Kaku give it up, he's way too old for you

Rindou: so y'all just gonna let the hypothetical person die? ayt

Rindou: i'm on my way to the hospital for unrelated reasons

Kakucho: who's the hypothetical victim of the placebo

Rindou: uhhh Sanzu

Kakucho: LMAO

Kakucho: let him hypothetically die then 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Mitsuya: punch him in the stomach

Rindou: i know a lot of y'all don't like him but we're friends now and i don't want him to die also he has the best drugs so i'd rather he stay alive so that i can enjoy them recreationally

Rindou: but i'll do it anyway

Mitsuya: stfu for a sex, punching him will make him throw up, and he'll vomit most of the poison out

Rindou: oh like in the stomach?

Rindou: he's gonna be so mad at me, damn

Baji: "shut up for a sex" lmaoooooo🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Baji: and you guys say I'M diabetic💀💀

Mikey: bro what?😭

Kakucho: you mean dyslexic?

Kakucho: nvm the situation speaks for itself

Smiley: the irony of this is crazy

Draken: that got a chuckle outta me 😂

Chifuyu: why you text like a 40 year old dad💀

Ran: i never went to school but even i know that's incorrect

Hakkai: "i never went to school but even i know that's incorrect 🤓👆"

Hakkai: jump into oncoming tragic you f slur🖕

Smiley: aur naur you done made Hakkai homophobic

Ran: you need to fucking chill omg

Mitsuya: are you five years old, Baji

Baji: nah i'm 24 dumbness🤨

Baji: *dumbass

Izana: my oath for not using violence anymore might have to be on hold cause you guys are pissing me the fuck off you fucking incompetent fools useless excuses of human beings

Smiley: bro called us fools

Ran: that's a bit much, sir

Baji: bet you're typing with your left hand

Ran: uh huh <3

Rindou: get some fucking bitches, damn

Ran: where are your bitches, Rindou

Rindou: on my dick

Ran: oh you're talking about the femboys?

Ran: ohh ok i thought you weren't gay but whatever

Mikey: yo is haruchiyo alive?

Rindou: they're pumping his stomach, he'll be fine

Rindou: liking femboys isn't gay

Smiley: 🤨

Angry: 🤨

Rindou: don't act dumb because it's literally in the term 'fem'

Draken: uh, what about the 'boy' part

Rindou: don't twist my words

Rindou: how is liking something that looks like a girl, gay??

Mitsuya: bffr 😐

Rindou: y'all telling me if i fuck haruchiyo i'm gay???

Hakkai: he's a boy?

Rindou: he looks like a woman

Rindou: have you seen his body? tiny ass waist headass. y'all come to the onsen next time you'll see what i mean

Chifuyu: you're being weird rn

Ran: what about his penis, Rindou

Rindou: that's irrelevant

Rindou: besides it's barely noticeable

Draken: people like you and Koko are the fucking problem, get some therapy

Smiley: Rindou thinks fucking a guy in the ass isn't gay 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Rindou: "FEM"

Draken: BOY???? MALE??? MAN??? DICK???

Rindou: ok who's gay now, weirdo🤨

Draken: kys (kill yourself)

#tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers manga #tokyo revengers groupchat #tokyo revengers texts #tokyo revengers smau #sano manjiro/mikey #mitsuya takashi #baji keisuke #ryuguji ken/draken #matsuno chifuyu #shiba hakkai #haitani ran #haitani rindou #haitani brothers #kurokawa izana #hitto kakucho #kawata nahoya/smiley #i'm pulling this shit out my ass atp i'm just saying shit #i'm done apologizing for repetition idk what to say anymore bcs one thing about me is i have no new ideas!👆 (or cannot execute them)#y'all almost lost me bcs my parents almost found my account and i almost deactivated out of pure fear #i'm also struggling so bad mentally like i've almost killed myself a few times now but i'm lazy af can't lie #i just hope i make you giggle #it's all that matters ✊❤#also holy shit the state of the economy and just the way society is developing is making me so depressed we have regressed terribly #anyway i love you guys heehee 😋#low-key sanrin #rinzu?#idk what's it's called

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ellecdc · 3 days

Note

Mother, serious question mainly for my own self-esteem 😮‍💨😅

How do you think the boys (any of them really) would view a partner with like all sorts of facial piercings and like rat tails in their hair and funky colors(truly best describes as a queer little gremlin lol). Cause I know Marlene and Sirius have an alt rock aesthetic (I don't think I spelled that right) but as much as I love these characters I never feel like I would have fit in with them if I was really there ya know?

Idk it's kinda stupid but just curious on you're thoughts on this. They're just so cool and I would hope they would like me enough to at least be my friend if they were real 😮‍💨😖

okay first of all, love the title queer little gremlin; let's all capitalize those letters and add them to surveys when they ask you how you identify plsss??

Here's my take:

James:

I love (and follow religiously) the headcanon that James is pansexual but I believe that expands beyond just gender identity, if that makes sense?

It doesn't matter if you're male or female or anywhere in between or beyond or both or all

and I feel like it doesn't really matter what you look like to him

I feel like he loves people for their hearts, their minds, their interests, etc

I feel like he'd maybe be worried because....those had to hurt??? you do that on purpose? doesn't it hurt terribly? his poor sweet angel????

I also see him as the type of bf who would be like "oh! are we changing colours? which one's? can I help?" and will dutifully like, adorn gloves and sit in the bathroom breathing in dye fumes and chatting away with you while the two of you talk about everything and nothing - I think he'd love spending that time with you and it would be special bonding time

(also, have you seen the James fan art with him with a nose ring??? fuck me sideways)

Sirius:

you're so right re: alt-rock aesthetic etc

I think he'd find the facial piercings awesome tbh, you might even have inspired him to get one or more of his own

I think he'd make it almost a competition of who can dress the most grunge that day hahaha - but the two of you would make quite the couple

also? you look like the kind of person his posh, prissy, stuck up parents would hate seeing him with - that's totally a bonus

I see this guy as someone who loves hair care and would be horrified at how much/often you change your hair colour and would insist on helping you/buying the more expensive products/ensure you're doing it right to save your hair from too much damage

that's the only 'problem' I see him having

Remus:

idk, I kind of see him a little bit like James tbh; looks would be a little less important to him? like he doesn't care how you express yourself in terms of style and clothes

what would be important to him is that you're kind and patient, that you're openminded and considerate of others

I mean...he's littered with scars, is he not? He doesn't exactly look "normal" (derogatory) and would probably feel very similar to what you've described; like he doesn't feel he particularly 'fits in' with his friends

I see him having like, not long hair but like a decent head of curls, and he'd totally love if you braided a few little pieces of his hair like your 'rat tails'

I think he'd find the hair fun; you'd show up one day with new colours and I could see his face lighting up like 😃 "that looks great love; so fun"

Regulus:

he's tricky because he's so posh and stuck up lmfao

BUT

people also ship bartylus and I see so much Barty fan-art somewhat similar to how you've described yourself and if Reg likes Barty - he'd certainly like you too

Barty:

as mentioned above, I could totally see him having like a green streak in his hair or something

perhaps some piercings (I think he'd get piercings down below.....), tongue piercing, nose piercing, eyebrow piercing - I feel like he'd be down for it all himself, so he wouldn't mind it on you at all either

and again, as a guy with daddy issues, he'd be a lot like Sirius and think the better chance he has at dating someone who would sooooo piss of his dad - the better!

thanks for your ask babes <3

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ceruleanwhore · 6 months

Text

People have talked about how a lot of the Ikemen games give all the suitors pets, so I thought I’d make a post of what pets I think the ikepri guys would have.

WARNING: there’s a spoiler about Gilbert at the end, but the kind where you’d probably have to look something up to know what it is. Take that as you will.

Jin would absolutely have a small monkey that he’d wear on his shoulder into town as another way to pick up women. I could also see him training said monkey to steal little things from particular people he points out both as a way to get stuff from people for like his job but also as another, more contrived way to get women to talk to him. Think about it: Jin having his pet monkey steal a beautiful woman’s scarf so she has to chase it back to him and then he pretends to be surprised and disappointed that his pet did that and returns the object to its owner who now is falling for his charm and starting to think that maybe the monkey isn’t so bad.

Chevalier would have a cat because, as Sebastian from Black Butler once said, they do not say useless things or do them, plus they tend to be independent, clean, and kill vermin. He’d manage to find a cat that’s pretty much silent and never meows and also is fairly independent so, aside from occasionally curling up on Chev’s lap (silently) while he’s reading, it doesn’t require much from him.

Clavis would get a loud, messy dog like a rat terrier or a hound that he would deliberately not train to get rid of those typically undesirable behaviors because he likes the chaos and it annoys Chev and Sariel.

Leon would have a peregrine falcon. In older times, like the sort of time period ikepri is set in, there was a hierarchy of which birds of prey guys could have depending on what their title was as royalty or nobility, and princes got peregrines, so I think that’s appropriate.

Yves would have some kind of bird, I’m thinking a rosy-faced lovebird. I could see it being a gift one of his brothers brought back for him from another country where they’re native, since it seemed that Yves could use a friend.

Licht would have an Irish wolfhound that he’d take for very long walks every morning at some ungodly hour when normal people are asleep.

Nokto would have a ferret. Being as clever as he is, he’d do well with an equally clever pet, plus he’ll be able to properly care for it and train it. I could see him teaching his ferret a bunch of tricks, including sneaking into locked rooms and unlocking doors from the inside.

Luke would have a fucking badger. Idk it just makes sense to me.

Sariel wouldn’t have a pet of his own but, since the king’s death, he would take over the duties of caring for the late king’s gyrfalcon until a new king is chosen and that bird then goes to whoever Emma picks to be the next king. This is also coming from that bird hierarchy I mentioned with Leon.

Rio would have a bunny because it reminds him of Emma. He is a golden retriever, so it wouldn’t make sense for him to then get a dog, but something that reminds him of his beloved Emma makes sense for him. He’d ‘joke’ about how it’s to keep him company while she’s at work and how he pretends it’s her and they have long conversations or whatever.

Silvio would have something really small and cute like a stoat that’s like the dead opposite of Silvio. He would’ve rescued it somehow and from there he’s just really attached to it and protective of it.

Keith would be really fond of the fish in the pond at the Jade palace and that’s as close as he gets to having a pet because he’s a sad boi who doesn’t trust himself not to hurt the things and people he loves.

Gilbert would have a golden eagle (more of that bird stuff) and he would 1000% keep that secret from anyone outside the Obsidian royal palace, because it’s a giveaway of who he really is. Also, I feel like he would actually have a close relationship with his bird, plus I do think rather than using the bird for hunting like actual royalty did, he would use it to intimidate people and also to send messages occasionally.

#ikemen prince #ikemen series #ikepri #cybird #cybird ikemen #jin grandet #chevalier michel #clavis lelouch #leon dompteur #yves kloss #licht klein #nokto klein #luke randolph #sariel noir #rio ortiz #valerio ricci #silvio ricci #keith howell #gilbert von obsidian

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romana-after-dark · 11 months

Text

The Wrong Way: Chapter 8

Dark!Joel Miller x Fem!Reader Tommy Miller x reader (secondary)

Masterlist

Spotify playlist

Summery: You are sold to Joel to clear up some of your fathers' debts, and he takes you back to his house where him, Tommy, and high ranking members of his raiding trope stay. Joel is mean, cruel, and hash, but had small moments of softness that confuse you in your venerable state. Over time, you get to know him and Tommy, and see different sides of each, and both are hiding secrets. Was it possible to fall in love under these circumstances? Or was that just another way Joel was fucking with you?

Aka: my mom sold me to One Direction

WARNINGS FOR FULL FIC, NOT CHAPTER BY CHAPTER UNLESS SOMETHING NEW IS ADDED AFTER MASTER WARNING LIST: DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT!!!! Fic contains graphic depictions of sexual assault, rape, molestation, dubcon/non con. Blow Jobs, PIV sex, lose of virginity, sex trafficking, past incest, death/people dying everywhere, Stockholm syndrome, falling for your rapist, victim blaming, torcher, branding, physical abuse, rape (not Joel), somno, dub con on tommy? idk he's not really into it but feels like he has to, self-harm/depression/suicidal thoughts (not a lot) but fair warning, major age gaps, love triangle, pregnancy/birth, threats of abortion, major character death, mentions of potential csa/child abuse but does not even come close to happening, forced pregnancy, forced housewife shit, breeding, breeding kink?!?!

I wanna add we're really heavy on the birth/pregnancy, forced birth, choking, domestic violence, threats of hanging and murder. Can't say I didn't warning yuh (unless i missed a warning of course. then please let me know so i cant edit ASAP) Like this is a rough chapter, a lot of violence to a pregnant woman. but I wanna say right now...

The baby will not be harmed in anyway. Baby will be born healthy, and live and have a good life in both the main ending and alt ending.

5k words (sorry not sorry lol)

Also to clarify a few things I guess i didn't make clear enough in previous chapters!

Joel only 'guessed' that Tommy and LO slept together. He had suspicions but thought he could trust Tommy and his 'girlfriend'. When LO rushed to stop Joel from hurting Tommy, that was his 'evidence'. Joel was beating Tommy because he found out about Maria.

Joel only heard part of the conversation between Zach and Little One. Nick said way back in chapter 3 the wall are thinner than she thinks. He didn't know Lorenzo had any part of it, and because LO didn't rat him out, he never will.

Thats my bad for not being clear!

Can you catch the Superstore homage? (aka i rewatched two episodes just to take it line for line lol)

***************

Month 3

No one warned you about morning sickness.

You knew fuck all about sex before you came to Joel’s, just a thing or two from your friend back at the ranch and how to get a man off with your mouth or hands, but pregnancy and birth was next to nothing. You didn’t even know how pregnancy happened really, other than a penis in a vagina until you asked Tommy early on if you were going to get pregnant. After a very uncomfortable talk for both of you, Tommy explained that Joel told him he pulls out, so you should be good… Lorenzo said you can still get pregnant that way, but thinking back to the night Joel almost killed Tommy and you… Joel finished inside… the timing added up.

Pregnancy and birth were entirely unknown to you, and you wished someone would just give you a heads up. Joel had a daughter and no doubt had been through at least once pregnancy, and Lorenzo had mentioned 4 of his 6 older sisters got pregnant before leaving the house… something about no sex education, men too old for them, and their religion not believing in birth control or abortion… but you didn’t know what half those words meant, and after Lorenzo mercilessly made fun of you for days about not knowing Joel’s song for you was actually a very famous song, you didn’t dare ask him about the words, or anything with pregnancy. You didn’t want to ask Joel either, not wanting to give away how terrified you were, not wanting him to think you didn’t want to… But you did! You did want this baby, you reminded yourself again and again and again, because Joel was good to you, Joel took care of you, Joel would care for this baby too. You’d be bound to him, and he’d never get tired of you this way, and he wouldn’t hurt the mother of his child, right?

The birth was something you tried not to think about.

So here you were, puking your gut out before you even had breakfast and Joel held your hair back.

“Shhh, shhhhhhh” he coo’d and you heaved, yellow bile and acid coming up from inside you since the little food in your stomach from dinner had been thrown up 5 minuets ago.

With a final spit into the toilet, you sink back and Joel wipes your mouth for you. “I think that’s it.” You mutter, and Joel carries you into your shared bedroom, laying you down with the care of an infant before kissing your forehead.

“Don’t worry about breakfast, little one. I don’t need anything this morning.” He says before kissing your cheek. But you were worrying about breakfast, because you wanted it… but the only way you’d be getting food is if you made it. Tommy wasn’t here to care for you anymore. “I’ll be gone until the evening, what's for dinner?”

The thought of cooking, the thought of raw meats and the strong smells of spices made you want to vomit again. “I dunno…”

“I think a few of them chickens is ready to be butchered, you ever made chicken parmesan? We got that cheese I brought back yesterday, you could make something like that.”

You groan a bit, exhausted and tired despite being only 3 months in. You didn’t sleep at all last night, nightmares of the past and the future plaguing you. He knew that you didn’t sleep, you had told him… “Joel I can’t, the butchering, I feel so-”

“I’ll make Lorenzo do it.” He promises. “Chicken parmesan it is then?” He decided for you. What he didn’t understand is it wasn’t just butchering a few chickens. To make chicken parm you need chicken breasts, not the rest of it. You didn’t waste meat, so Lorenzo kills (you could do it on a normal day, but not with your heightened smell) then you pluck, clean, Lorenzo butchers, then you have to separate the different parts and put them into hygienic storage and take them to the freezer locker, then thoroughly clean yourself, all the tools and surfaces (and Lorenzo) to prevent illness. It would take hours. But Joel didn’t see that, he only ever saw the food at the end of his day.

“Okay” You agree reluctantly, and he begins kissing your neck and groping you, no doubt wanting a quicky before a long day of unspeakable violence. “Joel, please, I don’t feel good.” You beg him not to, but you learned in the past that this never got far.

His morning breath wasn’t helping anything as he tugged down your shorts. “I’ll be quick.”

You knew what that meant. Joel slid into you with no prep, no lubrication, and it burned. The steady rocking was the last thing you needed right now, and with his head buried in your neck, you covered your mouth as the nausea took over. You threw up, but like everything the last several months, you just swallowed it down again to deal with when Joel was gone. When he came inside (wasn’t he worried about you getting pregnant again?) you quickly pull up your pants and run to the bathroom, pushing past Lorenzo no doubt on his way to babysitting duties with you.

As he watched you run past and heard the sounds of throwing up, Lorenzo caught Joel’s arm as he brushed past. “Peppermint or ginger. Find it, whatever form it's in. Oils, drops, whatever. If you can find the leaves or the root we can make it into a tea. Just find it, it’ll help her nausea.”

Month 4

“Okay Lorenzo, I got a question for you, and you can’t make fun of me.” You say as you cook, the swell of your belly beginning to show now.

“No guarantees.” He says, sitting his drink. How did he find so much alcohol?

“Fine. Okay… when Joel and I have sex-”

He visibly cringed. “Since when do we talk about our sex lives?”

“Renzo.”

“Fine, go on. But remember I’m not exactly an expert on female anatomy.”

You take a deep breath. “Okay. Well I told you he always pulls out right? Um… ever since I told him im pregnant… he doesn’t.”

Lorenzo waits for you to continue, but you don’t. You think that’s it. “What the problem?”

You continue to avoid looking at him, stirring the soup. “Well.. what if I get pregnant again?”

He stares at you like he’s trying to make sense of your question before the recognition sets in. “OH!” But before he explains what he means… his face shifts… theres something sad in there, a hint of pain in his eyes you only saw once, the face he had as he looked at you in disgust while Joel carried you from the bedroom to the bath while you were covered head to toe in spit and cum and period blood… was it pity? “Jesus kid… No one really taught you anything, did they?”

“C’mon, just tell me.”

Scrubbing his face, he sighed. “No, you can’t get pregnant while your already pregnant.”

Oh. “Wait… really?”

“Yes, really.”

“Ah. Okay then.”

There was a long, long silence before he spoke again. “If you got any other question about, like… pregnancy and birth… I can try and answer.”

Joel had been trying to find a doctor, a midwife, something for you… but it was slim pickings in Wyoming.

Five minuets later, you were squealing, covering your ears, but laughing. “Ew! What the hell is a mucus plug! You know what, I don’t wanna-”

“IT’S A PLUG FULL OF MUCUS IN YOUR VAGINA WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS?!?!” He yells loud enough to get past your attempt at blocking your ears.

“NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH!!! I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” But you still could.

“Honestly in the last month or two all kinds of weird things are gonna come out of you including but not limited to a very slimey and weird looking baby.”

You gasp, feigning indignance. “How dare you insult my unborn child!”

“It ain’t personal, sweetheart. All babies look ugly as fuck as newborns. Now, let’s get back to the gritty details.”

With a squeal, you try to run away. “No! I know enough!” But you’re laughing. It felt like you were messing around with Zach back in your childhood home.

“My sister Elaina lost like 4 teeth.”

“AAAHHHHH!”

Month 5

Joel had finally found a midwife of sorts. Well, technically, Jack did, as it was his cousin. Maura had been a nurse in the birthing wing a short time before everything went to shit and had been helping women deliver babies ever since. Initially, she told Jack to keep his mouth shut. She hated Joel and didn’t want a thing to do with him, but when no one else showed up and you were in your 5th month, she relented, purely for the sake of the innocent kidnapped girl.

“Put the fucking gun away, Joel.” She said as she entered your room, grabbing the barrel in Joel’s hands and pointing it to the floor. “Point that shit at me again and I’m not helping your child bride.” She stared him down, head tilted up only slightly to reach his eyes. If she was intimidated by Joel, she wouldn’t

Joel glared at her, but he didn’t have many options. “If you hurt her-”

“From what I hear, you’re doing enough of that yourself. Now, you stand up against the wall and watch if you want to, but don’t interfere, and do not try to intimidate me, understood?”

You watched in awe as she stood her ground… It had been months before you had done anything of the sort against Joel, only standing up to him when Tommy’s life was in danger. Joel gave a curt nod and she turn to approach where you lay, sat up against some pillows.

A gentle smile was on her face, but it was clear she was here for business. Still, her confidence and certainty put you at ease.

“My name’s Maura, I’ll be helping deliver this baby.” She was beautiful, with long black hair and a light smattering of freckles on her face, but got straight to the point. It was clear she knew what she was doing, asking you questions you hadn’t even thought of yet and examining you. When she was done, she stood up, looking at you, not Joel. “It seems despite the circumstances-”

Joel tried to interrupt. “The fuck’s that supposed to mean”

But Maura ignored him, keeping your attention with her bright brown eyes. “Despite the circumstances, everything appears to be progressing naturally, theres no cause for concern as of right now. But you need to keep things low stress.” It was then she turned to glare at Joel, to emphasize her point.

Maura said she’d be staying near-by and Joel was paying her a hefty price for her services. When you’d go into labor, Joel was to send a man on horse to fetch her, preferably Jack, but she warned she would armed, and she’d be there shortly.

That night, Joel held you close as you discussed baby names.

“How about Loretta? Like that singer you liked?”

Joel hums, none commital. “I always liked Dorothy, we could call her Dolly as a nickname. I know you like Dolly Parton” Joel had been teaching you about old country music, and you certainly had a few favorites. Not knowing many women in general, your pool of girl names was not strong so you drew from singers he’d mentioned.

You scrunch up your nose a bit at that. “I like Dolly, I don’t like Dorothy.”

“It was my grandmas name, I’d really like to name our daughter after her.” His voice had that tone to it, the one that left little room to argue, but you tried to push past Dorothy.

“Maybe June? Like June Carter?” You knew how particle he was to Johnny Cash, but also... that was the name of the only friend you had before Tommy.

“That’s beautiful, little one, June it is.” He smiles into your skin, and you think you’ve won, when he says. “Dorothy June.”

He had already decided, and there was no real option to argue or change his mind. You’d just call her Dolly, then.

You had one thing you really, really wanted for boy name, and you desperately hoped you could get it, but you couldn’t tell him why. You didn’t want any more kids so this was your only shot. You hadn’t even wanted this one, but as your stomach swelled with life, motherly love came with it and you decided you’d make the best of the situation. The child inside you was your number one priority. “Okay, boys? I really like Caleab… It’s my favorite boy name…” You didn’t have to tell him that was Zach’s middle name.

“I like it, bebita.”

You got what you wanted. You knew Joel was hoping for a girl, so you figured he was less particular on the boy name.

“Got any ideas for the middle name?” You ask him.

“Nothing in mind, really. I’m open…” He kisses your neck. “Anything you want?”

You keep quiet. The name you wanted… he’d never go for.

Joel pulled you closer, nuzzling his face against you as he whispered. “Ah. I see.” You freeze. Tommy hadn’t been so much as alluded to since he barely made it out alive and you thought for sure Joel would have a fit, and you began to prepare yourself to feel a hand wrapped around your throat… But he tucked your hair behind your ear and kissed into your locks as he settled down for bed. “Caleb Thomas”

Month 6

Lorenzo was getting on your fucking nerves today, and you were about to fling the frying pan, bubbling grease and all, at his face.

“Will you shut up?”

“No, I’m not going to shut up because you are being fucking stupid!” Instead of his usual spot sitting at the kitchen table, he’s standing, arms crossed, in the doorway as you tried to get diner done. “I told you the first day, you are a dumb. Bitch.” he was drunk, three sheets to the wind and absolutely no filter.

“You have no fucking idea what I am! I am trying to fucking survive, Lorenzo, I am trying to keep myself and this baby-”

“You are playing housewife to a serial murder and a rapist!” He yells at you, clearly frustrated. “You are rewarding all the bad things he’s ever done you just give positive reinforcement-”

“Don’t fucking blame me! I’m not reinforcing the bad, I’m reinforcing the good!” You storm over to him, glaring Lorenzo down. “You have no fucking idea how bad things were! I used to dream about killing myself, about dying, about Joel finally snapping and doing it! I am doing the best in the conditions I have!”

“You could have left! You could have left with Zach and gone off with him for fucks sake!”

With a burst of anger you didn’t know was even in you anymore, you shove him, hard, causing the drunk to fall over. “You wanna know what he did last time I tried to run? He caught me within 10 minuets, dragged me back and chained me to this table-” You point at the table that you and Joel sit at most evenings now for diner. “And raped me in front of everyone, Lorenzo! Then he branded me and left me to be gang raped by all your little buddies here! And no one could stop him, not even Tommy! All Tommy could do is stand by and watch, and unchain me after Joel left before anyone could do anything more!”

Lorenzo was not deterred. “That’s my fucking point!”

“If I leave and he catches me, I am dead!”

Scoffing, Lorenzo rolls his eyes from where he’s slumped against the floor. “Yeah, that’s why”

Unsure how much more you can take from him, you motion him to continue.

“You just don’t wanna admit you fell in love with your rapist.”

That was enough. You begin to walk away from him, but he follows after you.

“What about when you give birth, huh? What kind of father is he going to be? Are you going to stand by while he beats your kids?”

“SHUT UP!” You scream, still walking away.

“And what if you have a daughter? You just gonna let him molest her like your dad-”

You wipe around so fast you don’t even have time to blink. “No, Joel isn’t like that.”

Lorenzo laughs at you, cruel and loud. “You are 20 years younger than him, he raped you! You really think he’s above-”

“YES! He will not hurt her like that!”

“And if you have a son? Do you really wanna raise a man like Joel? The kind of man who beats and rapes innocent girls?”

Tears prickle at your eyes now, a terrible tightness in your chest bubbling with stomach bile. “N-no, that’s not gonna happen, I won’t let-”

“Oh, because you’ve had so much choice the last year, havn’t you. Sooooo much control.”

“I won’t.” You shake your head vigorously. “I won’t let anything happen to my baby, Joel won’t hurt them.”

“So, say he doesn't. You really gonna raise a kid here? Half the men here would’ve raped you, given the chance! You really think your child is safe here?”

You can’t argue with him when he’s right. But he doesn’t get it. Joel is good now, Joel protects you, Joel will protect the baby… Joel is gentle now… soft, kind… he thinks of you, he sings you songs… he plays music for you, he’ll be a good dad… You’ll be okay…

You shut down, going into autopilot. You don’t look at Lorenzo as you walk back to the kitchen to finish frying the chicken. Joel would be home soon.

Month 7

“JACK! GET MAURA!” Joel shouts as you groan on the bed, the tight contractions hurting.

“Joel, it hurts!” You call for him, and in a flash Joel is at your bedside, letting you squeeze his hand.

“I know, little one, I know…” He pets your hair, having flashbacks to Sarah’s birth…. He wanted another girl so bad, but god, he just wanted a healthy baby and for his girl to make it out alive. Birth was dangerous in modern medicine, nonetheless a post-apocalyptic shitstorm.

Lorenzo stood in the doorway, biting his nails. “You’re not due for another 8 weeks!”

Grunting through the pain, you let a rare bout of sarcasm slip. “Oh yeah, that’s right, never mind.”

“Could be false labor, you know? That’s called Braxton-Hicks contractions?” Lorenzo looked more nervous than you.

Joel ignored him. “It’s gonna be okay, Maura’s on her way and I think even out here 32 weeks is gonna be okay.” Joel wasn’t entirely sure about his own words. 32 weeks meant a premature baby, and pre-mature usually meant NICU… but there was no NICU to go to… if the babies lungs were under developed or anything like that, there were no options.

Lorenzo was chewing through his nails enough to draw blood. “Or maybe it’s Braxton-Hicks”

At that, Joel finally acknowledges Lorenzo. “Okay, we get it, you know the term Braxton-Hicks, we’re all very impressed.”

“AHHHHHHH” You yell, wishing to get there was something for the pain.

Lorenzo wouldn’t shut up. “Okay, contractions are getting longer, that means your in active labor?”

“Her water hasn’t broke yet!”

“Is she dilated?”

“Does it look like her pants are off to you?”

“Well check!”

“I don’t know how to tell! Weren’t you bragging last month you helped your sister give birth in a Walmart?”

“That doesn’t mean I know how to check if she’s dilated!”

“You know more than me!”

“I’m not sticking my fucking face between legs!”

“Oh, because you’re gay you’re suddenly scared of vagina’s?”

“What are you talking about?”

“So you’d rather let her just die?”

“DIE? Joel she’s not gonna die because I’m not looking at her fucking cu-”

“GUYS” you shout, causing both to turn and look at you. “The contractions stopped.”

There’s a moment of silence before Lorenzo speaks. “Oh. Huh. That’s uhhh… Braxton-Hicks I guess. False labor.”

As Joel kissed you that night, sex was the last thing you wanted, but you knew there was no point in fighting it.

Joel sucked on your throat, already bruised with dark marks from the night before, now sore and aching with new licks and bites, his hands roaming to expanse of skin presented before him. Gripping, feeling, pinching, tugging, some things felt good, some hurt, but that didn’t matter. He’d get you off, he always did, at night anyway, but you knew sometimes he just liked to feel you, feel what he owned. The pain is mine. Your cries are mine, your cunt is mine. And if you bleed? Your blood is mine.

Your belly round and swollen with child, he could not hardly keep his hand off it, every time his hand traveled to explore, it quickly found itself returning to its home, never wanting to miss a kick. He slithered down, nestling his face between your legs and devouring your pussy the way he did your neck, the way he did every piece of you, body and soul and until there was nothing left but this subservient version of you, weak and obedient to his hands. He lapped you up, skilled tongue exploring through your folds only pausing to nibble at the soft skin of your thighs or kiss the round stomach above him. He felt extra possessive today, a desperate, anxious way about him as he devoured you so hungrily you wondered if he intended to eat you, swallow you whole to keep you with him forever; a communion, and you were the eucharist, a matrimony of cannibalism.

You wanted to tug at his hair, you wanted to entangle yourself in him but your belly was in the way, so you simply laid back and enjoyed as he tongue fucked you, prodding at your entrance, his hands on the globe where your child waits to be born.

“Fuck, Joel, need you, need to cum, please.”

You beg for him, plead, and he devours. Joel knows you love when his perfect, plus lips such at your mound and your clit with long fingers fingering into you, and you yelp when they curl up and hit that spot inside you. “Keep moaning, little one, let me hear you.”

You obliged. Sometimes you wondered how sick everyone in the house was of hearing you, but they weren’t the ones you needed to please; pleasing Joel kept you alive.

“I need you inside me, please” Nudging him with your leg as you cry for his cock. “Joel, I gotta have you inside me, I need to cum on your cock, please? Please, Joel-”

A wet, sloppy sound as he detached from you, and his eyes looked just as hungry as he acted while he crawled up. “You beg so pretty, little one, such a pretty little cock whore.”

But you didn’t have time for his talking, you needed him inside you, now; the hormones of the pregnancy had a mind of their own. You take a chance and push him down, watching Joel smile as you straddle his waist. “God, I just- just need you.”

“The take me, little one, take me”

You cry out as you sink down onto him, feeling your cunt split on him. “Fuuuck!” Sobbing, you take him fully and begin to fuck yourself on him.

“Just like that, pretty girl, fuck, taking me so well, gonna have you all stretched out to have this baby, huh? Gonna give me a child, little girl? A baby of our own? Fuck, fuck you look so pretty like this, swollen with my child, stretching your stomach as I stretch your cunt, fucking perfect, my perfect wife.”

Wife.

Wife?!

You knew Joel was delusional… but fuck, Lorenzo was right… you were playing house wife. Joel thought of you as his wife…

“Gonna fuck you full of my cum, again, and again, keep you constantly knocked up, make our happy little family, you and me and a dozen little kids running around, FUCK, our family, our family.”

You continued the pace, you couldn’t falter, you couldn’t slow down, you couldn’t hesitate; you couldn’t give any sort of reason for him to think you didn’t want this…

But it suddenly struck you

You were trapped. Joel trapped you with a baby, knowing you’d need him to protect it, knowing you’d never leave your child… and now he was going to keep you pregnant. You could never leave with 5,6,7 kids, it would be impossible.

“Yeah, fuck yourself on my cock little one, just little that…” Joel reached out to touch you, roughly manhandling your tits that were swollen and engorged.

You begin to cry, but that wouldn’t give away anything for Joel; he fucking loved that shit.

One hand on your breast, one on your clit. “Cry on my cock, baby girl, cry when you cum.”

You did, you sobbed as you came, your body betraying the horrors you felt at his hands.

Month 8

“Hey Joel? Can I talk to you about something?”

You had to do it. You had to. And it had to be now. You two had fucked less than half an hour ago and he was currently eating your food, humming contently. He was always lovey-dovey after sex, and was always much happier after food… The pair didn’t line up often, so now was your chance.

“What’s on your mind, little one? Nervous about being a mother? You’ll be a great mom; I just know it.” He smiled at you with puppy dog eyes, looking up from his plate, and you couldn’t help smiling back, not when he showered you with compliments.

“Well… you’ve said before you wanted lots of kids… but we… well this little baby was an accident.”

“A miracle, not an accident.” Joel corrected you. You didn’t see how conceiving a child the night he was threatening to blow your brains onto a wall for sleeping with his brother if you didn’t shoot said-baby’s uncle was a miracle… but you digress

“Right. Well… we never really talked about more kids… and although I’m over the moon about this baby, I did initially not want to have it.” Joel’s face began to darken, but you powered through. “Maybe we could see how we feel about one kid after a few years before thinking about-”

Joel slammed down his silverware. “What are you trying to say.”

But you freeze. This was a bad idea, you needed to placate immediately, you needed to calm him down. “N-nothing, Joel, just thinking out loud.”

He stood up, a deadly, blank stare on his face, so far removed from the adoration as he bestowed kisses on your ever-growing belly. Joel walked around the table, standing behind you and placing firm hands on your shaking shoulders, leaning into your ear.

“You say’n you don’t want my kids? Don’t wanna be their mama? You don’t wanna be my wife?”

“No, no that’s not-” But you don’t get a chance to finish, his hand is wrapped around your throat and insane strength pulling you up and out of the chair, the wooden furniture toppled to the side in a loud clatter. He slams the back of your head against the drywall, you’re toes barely touch the ground; struggling to breath, you claw at his hand, but he doesn’t even blink.

The panic begins to set it.

“YOU ARE NOT IN CHARGE! YOU DO NOT GET TO MAKE CHOICES!” He screams, and out of the corner of your eye you watch as a few men hesitantly gather, like vultures waiting on the next piece of deadmeat. You couldn’t see who, but it didn’t matter. Even the good ones couldn’t intervene.

Joel’s face was suddenly right in front of yours. “Everything you have, any freedom, any luxuries, any power you think you have is because I have given it to you.” Black spots appeared, your vision blurring, sinking into the unknown and god, did it feel sweet. Was it finally over? “I bought you, I own you, you have no rights! You are nothing! You are nothing but a toy for me to play with, a breeding bitch and you should be so lucky to sit at my table!”

He let go, but as you gasped for breath, Joel yanked at your hair and patched you across the room, not letting go of his grasp on you as you flung into the counter. What he didn’t know, what he could never understand was how the handle of the draw rammed into the brand on your side. Suddenly, all sense, all rational went out the window, and you were violently thrust back to last year as he burned his initials into your skin. The flashbacks were triggered, and the result was nothing short of hysteria. You cry out for the only person who would step in.

“TOMMY!TOMMY!TOMMY!TOMMY!TOMMYYYY” You scream, the fact Tommy was miles away didn’t matter, nor did the fact this would only anger Joel more. This didn’t matter; you wanted him, no one but him, and all sense was knocked out of you.

Joel pulls you up by your hair and slaps you hard enough that you taste blood and screams at you to not say Tommy’s name, but you can’t stop, you scream and scream and scream for him to come save you and your baby, the precious little life inside you that has never done anything wrong.

You fight and claw and panic, hysterics drowning out the one or two voices telling Joel to stop; who they belonged to, you couldn’t say.

Joel stopped listening, and the voices grow louder as Joel drags you, kicking and screaming, outside; rope and a chair in his hand, your hair in the other, and Joel walked with long strides to a tree outside.

****************

YEEEEEEESSSSHHHHHHHHHHH Cliiiiiff hanger, hanging from a cliiiiiiffff thats why he's caaaaallled, Cliff Hangers!

Who else used to watch Inbetween The Lions? Anyway.

Who wanna guess what happens!

Only two chapters left!

For the sake of credit, if you didn't find the superstore reference or dont watch the show, most of the dialogue between Joel and Lorenzo and LO was between Amy and Jonah from two birth related episodes of superstore

Also, Maura is named after my dear dear friend @maura-honey who although is not generally a fanfiction girlie, made a tumblr so she could read, like and reblog this series and always sends me such lovely messages <3

Reblogs are the best way to spread and support, but comments mean the world. I know not everyone likes to share dark content on their blog, but even a kind anon is such support!

for those who voted you dont like or hate or Lorenzo, I hope that doesn't mean you hate him as n he's a bad character. I got a comment on AO3 that said "i cant tell if i like lorenzo or not, but i like him in the story" which makes sense! His victim blaming is really fucking shitty.

no poll today, sorry!

MoonBanana said they think LO copes by lying to herself until she beleives it, what do y'all think? is she as delusional as joel?

@my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @howaboutcastiel @tidlewav3 @bunnnyy-dummy @slutfortimotheechalamet @foggymoonbanana @dinsbaby @miraclesabound @jenna-ortega @primosworld @marclovers @threeheadedlamb @secretwriterpp @the-fox-den

@bitchyglitterfox @0bsessedwithfictionalcharacters @alloftheboysivelovedbefore @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @lunar-ghoulie @pedritosdarling @dreamonseems @alwaysdjarin @amoramorquetepintas @milla-frenchy

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potentialguybodyswaps · 1 year

Text

Body Exchange Program Part 1:

It all started with an app service called the Body Exchange Program, or B.E.P. For short

The concept of the app was to make a way for people to experience different types of lives, and it did just that. By swapping 2 peoples body’s

Of course it charged a small fee tho, however nothing too extravagant, just 100 dollars, pretty cheep compared to flying or driving somewhere else in the world for a vacation…

I was your typical skater boi, skinny as fuck, 4pack abs, but faint, really only had them cause I’d be too high to remember to eat, oh did a mention a stoner haha? Vaped, even had a bunch of different colored wristbands I’d wear all the time.

Growing up was kinda boring in my small town, nothing really to do besides skate around town and get High with my friends, which I was perfectly fine with, until I discovered I could have more

When the internet first discovered this app, the world went crazy, and I could see why, a lot of out of pocket swaps that you really wouldn’t think were Consensual like 50 year old bears swapping with 20 year old twinks started happening, really strange when those same duos decided to change from the temporary option to permanent, which both accounts would have to go into there settings and select.

My story starts shortly after I made my account and Input all the typical information you would as if goin on a dating website, with a couple extreme questions for your account, like dick size, kinks, ideal body swap

Account summary:

Tanner:

Age: 18

height: 5’10

weight: 135

Location: Kansas

Penis size: 5.5 inches

Kinks: body swaps (duh?)

Ideal Bodyswap: city boy, college, fit

Interests: smoking pot and skateboarding with friends

End summary.

The next day, when I woke up a received a notification at like 2 AM from someone that was a 100% match… not hard when you have such a short requirement list, wanting to do a 72 hour switch for the weekend

It was from some guy named Kyle with a summary of his account

Kyle:

Age: 21

Height 6’2

Weight: 195

Location:Florida State

Penis size: 8 inches

Kinks: anal, Asian chicks, Bodyswaps

Ideal Bodyswap: country/small town, stoners , people with fun lives

Interests: working out, fucking, drinking

Not seeing a picture or anything I decided to just press accept… I mean after all Kyle fit all my Criteria, bear minimal I could hope for is he isn’t ugly or fat, but since he’s interested in working out, and fucking, he’s gotta be some sort of catch, and boy was I right

The moment I pressed accept a 15 second timer started warning me to prepare myself, so I sat down… but that still didn’t prepare me for what was waiting on the other side

I snapped back to consciousness to me suddenly flexing my muscles in front of a mirror

“Wow I’m a walking cliche” I said outloud, of course a gym rat would be wearing a wife beater and checking himself out in the mirror lol. but I can understand why, I look fucking great. I said to myself while continuing to flex, normally I wouldn’t cause a bag of bones like me had nothing to flex, but now that I do…. Well… you know what they say, when I’m Rome

At that point I started spouting off random shit just to hear myself talked, I found my new deeper voice amusing

After a short time of making poses and just making faces in the mirror taking in my new alpha jock boy look, I receive a messaged from my old account

Tanner(really Kyle): hey bro, thanks for swapping with me, you’re kinda a bit scrawnier than I expected but at 135, idk what I should have expected haha. Anyways like I said thanks, I kinda just want to take a break from the way I party all the time, kinda hard to get and smoke weed around there without getting busted by cops or ratted out on by some of the basic bitches there…

Kyle (really tanner) it’s all good man, ya I really just wanted to get that college experience for a bit, go to some parties myself haha, I’ll be sure to keep up that reputation you clearly have haha. And ya, I know I’m scrawny, hence why I wanted to swap with someone fit, anything I should know about?

Tanner: ya, when you go to a party and the bitches try to get with you, try not to get hard untill it’s time to lay it down, otherwise my dick kinda hurts from being restrained in my pants, and the bulge is very noticeable too when it happens… guess I’m also curious what having a average dick is like, weird that I can’t swing it anymore

Kyle: thanks for the tip

I immediately closed out the app and proceeded to tear my shorts down at the speed of which you’d think someone was about to get assaulted, and they/it was about to get assaulted by my hand

“Jesus Christ” I said shaking to the left and right, I can actively smack myself with my dick, that’s so cool bro…

I started going though his texts, with my hand slowly stroking my new huge rod, untill I found a recent text from some chick that invited me to a party, scrolling up though it I saw her nudes she had sent Kyle before

My semi grew into a full on hard on and at that point I had to use all 8 inches of my glory, right?

After I busted a nut I left the mess on me and sent her a picture of it saying “can’t wait to see you”

When I showed up to the party I was immediately greeted with a budlight platinum, and was surrounded by friends/other party goers who new me

After having 6 beers, shit talkin with the new homies and trying not to blow my cover, that I’m not really Kyle, I finally saw the chick I was texting earlier and once we made eye contact, she made a jerkin motion with her head to the stairs, which she then went up.

Feelin a hardon starting to come, I quickly let my friends know I had to go, and rushed up the stairs, once I broke out of the group I could hear one shout “ya right, your going to fuck Jessica aren’t you!?” I turn around walking backwards and yell “fuck ya bro” as I corrected myself and bolted up the stairs

Once I found what room she was in, she was already naked, bent over, hands tied to the bed post with a ball gag in her mouth, she clearly knew what this guy liked, and not wanting to cause suspicion, I went with it

Climbing onto the bed I dropped my pants and spit onto my dick, sliding it into her ass, i came here to fuck, and fucking the dog shit out of her is what I was gonna do.

After that night I knew I couldn’t give this life up. Drunkenly checking the settings of the app I saw it, the make permanent switch

I clicked it and it sent me a message sayin waiting for the other swapper to agree

No way in hell was he gonna agree to keep my twinky body and lose almost 3 inches… “FUCK how can I make this permanent” I thought to myself

Rereading our messages it hit me, I’m signed in as him, all I have to do is sign into my account and accept, I mean it’s like 3 A.M, no way is he up/received this yet

So that’s what I do, moment I agreed to make permanent, my dick got rock hard at the fact that this is how ima always be now, college city boy, big dick alpha jock, could I have even asked for a better combo!

Next morning I got a message from Kyle from his account, he must have signed into his account since I signed him out of mine

Kyle: aye bro you ready to swap back yet? I kinda got caught smoking pot at the park in your body and got arrested, your other stoner friends bailed me out bro…

Tanner: dam that sucks bro, too bad it’s not a me problem tho

Kyle, how is it not a you problem? I kinda fucked up and I’m sorry bro

Tanner:cause, it’s your body now, the swap is permanent, check the settings

Kyle: …..

Kyle: wtf bro this isn’t what I asked for, I just wanted to smoke some pot and maybe not have such painful erections when my jeans can barely hold my dick for a bit

Tanner: good then bro, glad your happy you got what you wanted, I’m happy too, this body is fucking rad my guy, I don’t know why you’d give it up, I typed gaslighting the fuck out of him

Kyle: idk how you did it, but I know I didn’t agree to a permanent swap, my default setting is temporary and I don’t accept random permanent requests… nor would I send one

Tanner: oh but you did ;)

Kyle: just wait till I contact support, I hope they put you in the body of a fat old man for punishment. Rot in hell asshole

Edit: sorry for another fucking mini Novel basically lol

I’d like to give @tfstation a special thank you for letting me use one of his old story concepts (the concept of BEP, not the actual story, I wrote that) anyways lemme know what y’all think!!!!

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thewriterg · 1 year

Text

♡︎𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐮𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐭𝐞𝐫♡︎

pairing(s): Tim Shepard x gn!reader, Sodapop Curtis x gn!reader, Dallas Winston x gn!reader

summary: Coming back from your outing never did your boyfriend expect you to come home with a gift that needed receiving than giving

word count: head canons so no need

request(s): Is this the right spot? I never ask for anything so idk. I haven’t seen much of Tim Shepard so I want to ask for a gn reader that brings back a puppy or kitty for the holidays if not for Tim, maybe dally, or sodapop please —anon

warning(s): fluff, kisses, mentions of violence, pet names, grumpy Tim and Dally per usual, and language

A/n:—GIFs @moirailegiance,@tessgifs,& @angelic-stimz— First holiday/winter request! I haven’t done head cannons in such a long time so let’s get to it

♡︎Tim Shepard

You were literally Just going to the store so you could grab some more sugar for you Christmas cookies-

So how the hell you ended up with a puppy is beyond you

“Where the hell have you been!? I was about to send a search party after ya!” Coming from a worried Tim who was having heart palpitations he’d honestly thought the Soc’s had got their grimy hands on you and that made him beyond uneasy

“Okay so when I tell you, promise you won’t freak out” Your now bouncing on the balls of your feat and Tim couldn’t tell if it was from nervousness or excitement you couldn’t tell either

“Okay.. tell me what?” All while looking exactly like this. 🤨

“Never mind”

“Just Tell me!”

“I just said never mind!”

You guys went on like that for a while until you just finally snapped

“I got a puppy! It was the last one In it’s bunch and it was alone!” Cue you taking a little puppy no more than 4 weeks out of your inside coat pocket

“Oh lord Y/n, and it’s one of those little rat dogs!”

“It’s gonna get bigger Tim!”

I strongly believe that Tim is like one of those dads who swear up and down that it’s your dog, your responsibility, and he’s not going to do anything for it.

Scolds you for like an hour about how much time goes into puppies while your just nodding like a child who got caught with their hand stuck into the cookie jar

But then does everything and more under the sun for the little fella

Tim fucking knits!

And he knits them little sweaters and booties because ‘their too little and it’s too cold’

He’s definitely one of those dads who like have a beer in one hand your little puppy sleeping on his chest and is like two seconds away from falling asleep in the reclining chair

Very protective

God Bless one of his guys accidentally step on HIS SON!?

I don’t think they would be very recognizable afterwards…

Refuses to let the little pup walk on their own afterwards for a while…

REFUSES to put HIS SON in a cage/dog house/ restriction of any the sorts

You think his child is going to sleep anywhere other than a doggy bed that’s 100x their actual size?

“If their not drowning in it it’s not good enough”🤷🏽‍♀️ —Tim Shepard for president

Once caught Ted —one of his guys— trying to give his son a bone

He. Let. Him. Have. It.

Because the audacity, his child is held to respect as he is. So to think you were going to give him your scraps it’s disrespectful to him. Puppy get his own chicken torn off the bone 🙄

Does not let them cry or whine for more than five seconds.

Immediately picks them up.

Secret does ‘the baby voice’ he thinks no one know about

Christmas morning he’s sitting on the floor beside you with your son between his legs guiding his little hands to open his presents

It’s the cutest thing.

They play for hours too.

Moral of the story Tim is a proud dog dad🫡

♡︎ Dally Winston

“No.”

The first thing that comes out of Dally’s mouth as soon as he sees you step into your shared home with a cat cradled in your arms

Takes a lot of convincing for you to keep it

Dally Still doesn’t like it though and keeps his respectful distance

Or tries to and fails

Cue to your cat following him around everywhere

It annoys the hell out of him.

Until one particular day

You both visited Dally at work aka Bucks places and Dal was practically rolling his eyes at the little feline attached to your hip

It was in the afternoon and the bar was empty

“Dal watch them so I can go to restroom please” Dally just nods his head so you can stop bothering him about really keeping his eyes on the thing

Buck has a fish tank.

And Dally only looked away for a minute and there goes your kid swatting at the fish as Buck is running around like chicken with its head cut off

*proud dad look while nodding his head

So your kid is into mischief?

Dally claims them now.

Doesn’t move from behind the counter as he watches them jump onto tables pushing glasses off the surface onto the floor

And then as soon as you get back he jumps back onto the floor and snuggle around your feet

He really likes this kid now.

Probably because it’s quite literally him in the form of a cat but yk thats just a guess🤷🏽‍♀️

They are the biggest trouble together

But they know they’re both adorable so they can’t get into too much trouble

Dally swears up and down he doesn’t know what your talking about when you ask him about the missing tuna cans

I mean his child has to eat something Y/n 🙄

Sometimes their so bad together it gets to a point where you put both of them in a timeout in separate corners. Both. Of. Them.

*cat meowing

“Yea man I know.”

Moral of the story Dallas ends up falling hardest 🤭

♡︎ Sodapop Curtis

Being honest

Soda was the one who actually brought your puppy home-

“She’s so cute can we keep her Y/n pleaseeeeee!”

“Soda honey, a puppy is a lot of responsibility”

“I’ll feed her, and walk her, and everything! You won’t have to lift a finger I swear!”

You lift lots of fingers.

But they both go great together! They have so much energy they will be outside all day if you let them

All. Damn. Day.

Once you called them both in for dinner just to see them standing on the porch both covered in mud. Head to toe. Snout to paw.

You had to wash them off with the hose.

Soda takes her everywhere.

To the store, on walks, even to work!

They’re the best duo on the block 🙄

She has like four beds all around the house and still sleeps in the middle of the bed between you guys

Everything soda eats they eat too

“Soda no!”

Cue sodas hand pausing in mid air as he tries to give the pup chocolate

Catch and Tug of war is the only game they play

Religiously.

Moral of the story they’re your favorite people!

#tim shepard #tim shepard x reader #sodapop curtis #sodapop curtis x reader #dallas winston #dally winston #dallas winston x reader #dally winston x reader #the outsiders #the outsiders imagine #the outsiders x reader #fluff #romance #gn!reader #gender neutral reader #i love you #2022 #thewriterg

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