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#if they get it right its an automatic 10
spearxwind · 1 year
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for the dragon gifs post you reblogged, could you elaborate on your tags? as someone who loves speculative/fictional biology, id be interested in hearing how actual gliding wings would work for dragons, if youre okay with talking about it of course :]
Gosh, basically.... the whole wing shape is wrong for gliding
Firstly, a majority of the dragons' wings do not have any base to them. base being the membrane that should go down their side
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By far the worst offender seems to be arrax here, but like. all of the dragons have NO membrane going from their arms down their sides, the only one who appears to have more normal wings is syrax
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It's got more base to the wings so this gif looks slightly more natural to me but not by much
NOW,, my disclaimer. I am not an expert in aerodynamics. So I am just going off what I know personally
First off, the wing shape in most of these dragons is elliptical (like in sparrows) which is good for powered flight (flapping), and when they ARE flapping, it does look very good!! Very powerful strokes etc.
However, because they are missing that base at the wing, a lot of the energy of the downstroke would simply just escape. Wings in general work by "trapping" wind underneath them, by making the air on top roll by at a different speed than the air underneath and generate lift that way, but if there's nothing TO lift... then it won't work
Animals who actually glide all have very specialized wings for it.
Eagles, vultures, condors, etc: all of them have IMMENSE wings, and they almost cannot do powered flight (at least not on the same level that sparrows can), they rely a lot on updrafts
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Their wings are all very wide, but very rectangular!! the base of their wings is basically the same width as the rest of the wing, generally
This is true as well for SEABIRDS which are all gliding experts. Seabirds have VERY not wide wings, but they make up for that in length, and this very specialized shape they have allows them to glide for literal WEEKS without needing to land
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Basically, I suppose it's something of a tradeoff? Even in these birds the base is incredibly proportionate to the shape of their wings and body, and they depend on wind currents over the ocean specifically. They've evolved for that
alithographica has this VERY GOOD little chart of what different functions wings can perform depending on their shape
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I personally think the got dragon's wings are incredibly disproportionate, looking at wings on any other animal it immediately stands out that a whole chunk of wing is simply... gone. For no good reason other than aesthetic I think
And besides the anatomical error, they don't have a clear purpose to their shape, they kinda do everything all the time and its jarring to see on otherwise incredibly designed creatures and its also an immense shame. It would have been so cool to see different dragons have different flying techniques (the only different one we get is caraxes with his wing legs, but from what ive seen)
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marklikely · 8 months
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sorry ive tried to avoid being a hater for no reason like . hating on stuff just bc i resent its popularity rather than actually genuinely disliking it. i try to avoid doing that now. but can the eras tour please just end already so i never ever have to hear about it again ever.
#its bad enough it keeps popping up on all my social media feeds but now that stupid movie is completely dominating my movie app#so im like can i get tickets to see a movie this week and its like sure but only if you scroll past like 5 taylor swift ads. is that ok#yes the movie isnt out for over a month but we're still going to keep it parked right at the top. in front of the movies that ARE playing r#also when i went to the showtimes screen it just. automatically took me to the showings for oct 13th bc thats when her movie is out#not. showings for this week. which it always used to do by default. no. showings for 10/13 for her movie#like omfg i know its not a big deal but i am so sick of hearing about this tour already#so for it to be adding this many minor nuisances & obstructions to me going to the movies this week is just like. go awayyyyy#like twice as frustrating as it would have already been -_- maybe more.#avpost#me: can i see a different movie please#theaters: see taylor swift? buy the taylor swift popcorn bucket? oops you almost saw showtimes for the movie you wanted#not to worry we replaced those with the showtimes for taylor swift. which you obviously want to see.#we are going to shove this extremely average pop musician down your fucking throat for the entirety of 2023 is that okay.#beyonce is currently also on tour. the highest grossing tour of all time. and i dont hear abt it even a quarter as much as i hear abt eras.#so like. no this is not in correlation to her popularity its too fucking much. please leav me alone.
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bunny584 · 3 months
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OBSESSED: FUSHIGURO
A/N: OH. MY. GOD. Anon. I love you and hate you for this request. This was…hard. I told myself I wouldn’t publish it unless it was fucking perfect (you should see the scalpels I took to each goddamn sentence before this version).
SECOND: I will square up with Gege for writing the most enigmatic, LAYERED, complex, muddled character to exist. I wanted this to be Megumi. Through and through. His darkness, his light, his reservation, his crazy, all in one. And IDK. I think I did it? This one is purely to prove to myself that I can write for characters that are hard to write for (*cough* yuta im glaring at you *cough*)
THIRD: if you do read this (I get people feel things about aged up characters etc), I implore you to listen to this. Guys. I heard this at 0200 IN THE OR during a 6 hour case and the entire concept for this came to me. Meg is sophisticated and unruly, selfless and selfish, etc. So this has some NSFW but definitely probably more on the poetic, long ends of my works.
CW: Aged up characters (20+), college AU, fluffy/raunchy/dark romance-y because LOOK at him. He takes after Gojo AND Toji. Mature, 18+
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“You like it when I’m rough.”
Megumi’s melody rings crystal clear.
Low.
Precise.
An F-14 Tomcat fighter jet, flying dark. Below enemy radar.
The piano keys float beneath his tone. His long, slender, deft fingers effortlessly execute the sheet music before him. It’s his GPS system, a personal flight map.
Little Beethoven, his advanced music theory professor calls him.
Truth is, Megumi is a prolific pianist and vocalist. He can tame any note, any melody, any harmony faster than any of his Shikigami.
Speaking of…
Megumi pulls off the piano and tortured love song in an instant. Just as the grade 3 curse creeps through the open door.
The part between his right long and ring fingers is automatic. His left hand grips the web space between his right thumb and index finger.
“Demon dog.” Megumi summons.
Low. Precise. Decisive.
“Eat it, boy.”
A small, approving smile tugs on the corners of his lips. Low level curses are the nothing more than chew toys to his divine dogs. With a tiny wave of his fingers, his technique buzzes inward.
Megumi’s eyes float to the ancient analog clock on the wall.
13:50
10 more minutes until you’ll meet him for your date.
No. Not date.
Study. 10 more minutes until you’re meeting him to study.
Your thought blooms within him like wildfire. It sets his normally cool, porcelain skin ablaze.
Megumi whips his body around to face the piano. To exorcise the feeling. The keyboard has always been his outlet. His life blood. Playing, singing, musing in and out of written songs is his catharsis.
Words don’t come easy. They never have. But lyrics do.
And when he gets to ride lyrics with his voice, his runs..?
The words he can never find on his own are suddenly out there. In the atmosphere. Coating empty rooms in a mist of his thoughts, his feelings.
No certain promise that the person the words are destined for will ever catch them. Or ever walk through the room and be kissed by the remnants of his musical trail. But Megumi has said (sung, played) them. And that’s enough.
“Sorry if I come across a type of way.”
“I’ve been trying to get out of my way…”
His fingers dive into the keys. Angrily. Earnestly.
“I know it doesn’t seem like I care, but you know I care—“
“Wow Meg, you sound incredible.”
You bring him to an abrupt stop. Your voice is maple syrup trailing down Megumi’s neck, leaving goosebumps in its candied wake.
Pitch fucking perfect.
A soft, ethereal C, gliding down Heaven’s staircase. You infuse sunlight into his name, whichever way you choose to say it.
And it’s hell. It’s cruel. To have as keen hearing as he does. To listen to you sing his name and have nothing else follow.
“Fushiguro.” Megumi shoots up from his seat, slinging his backpack over one shoulder.
“What?”
“Fushiguro.” He repeats, eyes briefly meeting yours before settling above your head. He’s at least a head and shoulders taller.
“Nobody calls me Meg.”
You throw your head back. Feather light crescendo in your laughter. It’s pretty. Tantalizing in the way chandeliers twinkle when they capture a beam of light.
His eyes dart down to catch the feminine column of your neck. Curving into your delicate collar bones. How are your lines so seamless?
So cinematic. Like he’s watching a figure skater land a triple axel. Or a prima ballerina en pointe. It’s not fathomable.
Gorgeous.
You are gorgeous.
“I call you Meg.” You retort with a smile that liquifies all of his joints.
You double your walking speed to keep pace with Megumi’s long strides. Both of you exit the sound engineering building. Heading straight for the campus library a couple blocks away.
“Who were you—oh,” Megumi’s glacial hand along the small of your back steals your voice away.
Your eyes and feet follow his gentle push, shifting you to the other side of him.
“Walking on the wrong side.” He mutters, monotone. Matter-of-fact. Obviously.
He’s a gentleman. Of course he is going to walk on the traffic facing edge of the sidewalk.
Of course he didn’t feel the electric currents wire through his fingers to clench — suffocate — his heart.
No, he didn’t hear that punched out, falsetto gasp when his hand cradled your perfectly tapered waist.
Or notice how well you fit into his hand. How light you are under his touch that had none of his real strength behind it.
You’re made of alluring lines. Intoxicating sounds.
What would it take to coax a pretty melody out of your pouty lips?
His fingers?
They’re long. And smart. Cold. Remarkably patient. You’d like them.
He could make you love them.
Crave them. Need, whimper, whine, and cry out for them.
“So who was it?” You tether him to reality.
“Who was what?” Megumi counters, leading you to a private study room.
“The way you were singing earlier.”
Hairs along the back of his neck stand at attention. Blood runs Siberian cold. Megumi’s gaze on you is subzero.
“It had to be for someone.” You lower down into a seat in slow motion.
The sweetheart neckline of your sundress is mean. Your supple mounds tilt and ripple with every micro movement. Megumi has forgotten why he’s glaring at you.
“You sound too…pretty. It can’t be wasted on thin air.” You continue.
“She must be—“
“Let’s just get started, okay?” He sharply redirects the conversation.
And promptly shifts gear to low autopilot. He’ll speak when spoken to, answer questions intermittently. But his mind’s true coordinates are a galaxy away.
Megumi retreats to his shadow garden.
Watching you.
Drinking you in.
Savoring each detail on his tastebuds like dessert.
The pencil eraser leaves an indent on your bottom lip where you’ve been pressing too hard.
Megumi wants to roll your bottom lip under his teeth. Until it flushes rose and swells beneath his relentless pull.
His eyes fall to your bracelet, far too big for your dainty wrist.
He could hold both of your wrists in one hand above your head or behind your back for hours. Without breaking a sweat.
His other hand would take its time.
To stroke you. Pet you. Learn your sheet music. Then play your body like a harp until you’re a chorus of beautiful, soprano whimpers and moans. Begging and pleading so prettily, enticing him to give in.
But he won’t.
Not until you’re soft enough. A babbling, warm, ruined brook beneath his fingers.
Then he’ll take you, gorgeous.
Searing pain from his sharp swallow and nails digging into his thighs rip him down to the present.
Vision a little fuzzy. Head a revolving door of vulgar scenarios. A dull, demanding ache between his legs draws his eyes to his lap.
Fucking hell.
His jeans are uncomfortable. He’s stiff and needy. Not nearly enough strength in his pants to hold back his drunken arousal.
Not to the mention, the—
swarm of shadows growing at his feet?
Is his…innate domain materializing around him right now?
Megumi aggressively slices through the air at his hip level. Below the table, but you don’t miss his sudden stirring.
“Meg? You okay over—“
“Going to the bathroom.” He gruffs through a clenched jaw. Megumi places his forearm over his crotch before hurrying out of the room.
He can barely recognize the man in the mirror. Flushed to his ears. Volcanoes threatening eruption in his eyes. Api Biru. Pure, triple distilled, blue lava coursing through his veins.
Snap out of it, Fushiguro.
The splash of cold water does nothing for his internal heat. But his milky complexion returns to its effervescent state.
But then he turns a little too quickly to leave. And his painfully hard length drags along his fabric. It’s blinding.
A feeble moan tumbles out of his tight lips.
“Fuck.”
Megumi slams his eyes shut. He needs to readjust. But if he touches himself now, he might not be able to stop.
A slow, steadying breath fills his lungs.
“Just adjust, don’t…” His voice trails off. Icey fingers around his hot, angry base is enough to rip the carpet from beneath his feet.
“Oh, fuck.” Megumi mumbles through one quick pump up his shaft.
He shakes his head as if to tell himself enough. He rests his erection along his thigh before zipping up. Still painful, but tolerable.
A tornado obliterates any remaining resolve in Megumi’s mind on his walk back to you.
You are a dream.
Or a nightmare? A curse?
It doesn’t matter. He couldn’t care less.
Megumi would follow you. Deeper than the crypts of his 10 shadows. Into hell if it meant he could have you the way he wants you.
The way he craves you.
Because fuck the cost.
He’d pay anything.
You’re working on an elaborate concept diagram on the white board. On the tip of your toes. Lip curled under your teeth. And you are just irresistible.
So, he won’t resist.
“Meg! Took you a bit, you okay?”
Megumi is silent. Unblinking. Sauntering toward you.
“Megumi?”
You lower to the soles of your shoes. Neck craning to look at his face. Your eyes widen at his persistent silence. Rosy heat dusting your cheeks.
Pretty little doe, rooted in place by his wolfish glare.
Megumi takes the marker out of your hand and tosses it behind him in one swift motion.
“Hmm,” a tiny acknowledgment of his name. Just because it sounds so sweet rolling off your tongue.
Megumi corners you against the wall. Both of his hands casually in his pockets.
He watches you shift. Flicker your eyes in every direction. Fiddle with your thumbs.
His quiet.
His presence.
It flusters you. Well before he’s gotten the chance to run his hands along the lazy curve of your waist and hips.
“So…so blue.” You stammer. Your warm eyes metronome between his.
“They are.”
Megumi steps impossibly closer. His eyes drop to your chest. Dainty, nervous heaves. Up and down. Up and down.
“You are so,” you swallow thickly, dropping your gaze. “hard to read.”
Megumi snakes his large, graceful fingers into your nape. The temperature difference between your warmth and his cold startles you deeper into his grasp. Your head evanesces into his pull.
A beautiful, shocked gasp escapes you. Just as Megumi’s lips trace the shell of your ear.
“I want you.”
His breaths collide with yours, now. Heat welling deep in his groin. His cock thunders against his thigh.
“Can you read that?” Megumi rasps. Ensuring his voice vibrates down your spine.
A new sound tumbles from your lips. Like you choked on your last swallow. How pretty. You gurgling and gagging like that.
“W-want me? Megumi wh—“
“I.” Megumi nudges his thigh between your legs. His steel pipe erection digs into your dewy, hot core. He angles his leg slightly upward, inching you on the tip of your toes.
His prima ballerina, en pointe.
“Want you.” His lips ghost against yours. Free hand cups the flesh beneath your thigh. Pads of his fingers twitching to dig in.
The two of you drink in this lock-in-key fit. Megumi revels in you. Like this. At his complete mercy.
The prodigal son, born with more power than he knows what to do with.
Ten shadows. Ten Shikigami. It’s been centuries since the last head of his bloodline had power buzzing beneath his fingertips like him.
And somehow he’s never felt more powerful than this.
With you, heaven’s most precious angel, cradled in his arms. Drowning in sinful ecstasy. He brands this freeze frame into the most permanent part of his memory.
Then, he free falls off your cliff edge.
Megumi takes your lips with unfettered greed. Hunger woven into the way his tongue traces every corner of your delectable, soft mouth. His fingers push your head deeper into him. Sucking and nibbling on your warm muscle.
You shower him with airy, choppy little pants. Moans and whines so light they crescendo to fairy dust. You can’t keep up with his bruising kiss. His other hand palms your thigh, kneading little bruises into your silky smooth skin.
Marking what’s his.
“Oh my god.”
You breathe into his mouth when he lets you up for air. Megumi’s eyes dart down to the meeting point of your sex and his muscular thigh.
Did you really think he wouldn’t notice how you’re rutting your pretty little cunt against his leg like that?
Crimson high on your cheeks. You look away when he tries to catch your fucked out gaze.
“Don’t hide from me, gorgeous.” His hand traces up to your hips. You preen into his firm grip.
“Megumi.”
“Don’t stop, pretty girl.” He forcefully moves your hips in more dramatic, languid, deep rolls against his thigh. He’s not paying any mind to the pool of his precum soaking through his pants.
You bury your head in his neck. Fingernails digging pretty crescent moons into his back. You take over the pace. Undulating against him. Shameless. In complete heat.
“You feel s-so…so good.” Your lips smear against his dampened neck. Megumi responds by circling your puffy, slick bud with his fingers.
And fuck. The slurred, broken whimper that rings in his ears.
The way you hump him even more sloppily.
He could finish from that alone.
Your hand flies to your mouth. Empty huffs spilling. Whines ascending in pitch. You are close.
“Such pretty sounds, baby.”
“Megumi…meg..I-“
“Let it out.” He grips the back of your neck. Feeling dangerously close to his own nirvana. Drunk off your precious melody.
“Sing for me.”
“F-fuck, GOD.”
You bite down on his neck. Waves of pleasure crashing into you like hurricane winds. He grips your waist steady. Feeling every involuntary twitch and jerk of your doll-like frame.
Blessing or curse?
He doesn’t know.
But he will follow you to the end of his lifetime and the next.
“God, Fushiguro. That was…” The lusty haze from your peak settles around you. The once shattered world, slowly pieces itself back together.
“No.” Megumi pulls you out of his neck. Dropping his lips to yours, so he can breathe the air directly from your lungs.
“Meg. You call me Meg.”
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vexwerewolf · 7 months
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Showrooms of LANCER Manufacturers
IPS-N
IPS-N showrooms are what you'd get if you slammed a truck dealership, a hardware store, a camping gear shop and a sports bar together in the Bass Pro Shops Pyramid. We're talking row upon row of shelves stocked with the most precision-engineered engine parts you can print on one side of the floor, and on the other, durable, hard-wearing survival gear. Camping stoves you can run off of your mech's coldcore, sleeping bags that'll survive a HEX charge, automatic camo cloth, the works.
Right down the middle, you've got the mech floor. They've got the Tortuga. They've got the Blackbeard. They've got the Drake. They've got the Lancaster and the Kidd. They've got the Vlad (they put a chain-link fence covered in DO NOT TOUCH signs around that one after the infamous CFO's 10-year-old Incident). They've even got the Raleigh, kinda tucked away a little bit behind the water feature, but it's there!
Everything on the shop floor is ruggedized to the point that you could take a mech's fist to it without leaving a dent - and they sometimes do that to demonstrate the engineering quality. There's a giant screen hanging from the ceiling displaying constant advertising for the mechs and IPS-N in general, usually striding purposefully through idyllic Diasporan wilderness or doing hard, honest work like starship loading or construction. There's a mixtape of the most famous bro-country hits playing 24/7.
Smith-Shimano Corpro
In a word: bespoke. Everything in this place is custom. Each and every desk is individually built according to the height of the salesperson who sits behind it, and manages to be a unique art piece without disrupting the overarching aesthetic of the showroom. Whenever there's a change of staff on the sales floor, they rearrange every single desk so that they're still in ascending order.
All of the salespeople are inhumanly pretty, by the way. This atelier has its own fully-staffed makeup and wardrobe team. You're part of a work of art when you work for SSC. Everything and everyone gleams. Even the most chic visitors might feel underdressed in the midst of all this splendour.
The mechs aren't just there to be sold, they're there to be part of the experience. You might see a Monarch holding up the ceiling like the titan Atlas himself. A Mourning Cloak might be posed provocatively like a nude statue. That Swallowtail - is it in a slightly different position every time you see it, or is that just its camouflage decals? How does it always manage to be just inside your line of sight, even when you're looking somewhere else?
They have a catwalk, like you'd see at a fashion show, but it's sized for mechs. If they really think you might make a purchase, they'll queue up the entire performance for you, and you'll get to see a Viceroy strut.
The mix tape for this showroom is a seamless mixture of complex jazz, psychedelic ambient and classical piano music. It's sophisticated and mysterious.
Harrison Armory
Imagine if America could be a showroom. Harrison Armory mech outlets are part dealership, part museum. Every mech is in its own diorama, depicting some heroic event in the Armory's glorious history. A phalanx of Sherman Mk. Is holds the line against some Diasporan slaver-tyrant's army. A Saladin fends off Karrakin hordes during the Interest War. The Genghis Mk. II? Oh, that diorama isn't open right now, it had to be closed for *coughcoughcough* and *coughcoughcough* but let's move on shall we heh heh
Everyone who works here has been in the Colonial Legion at some point, and knows every specification of the mechs they sell off by heart without even looking at their slate. If possible, the Armory tries to employ people who have actual combat experience with the mechs they're selling; people who can speak to the efficacy of their technology first-hand. It's one of the many programs which the Armory has open for retired veterans; it's easy work for decent pay, good benefits and it looks great on your Social.
The music here is a constant loop of patriotic Armory anthems. If you've ever heard the music from Starship Troopers, or the Outbreak of War from Star Ocean, you'll know what I'm talking about.
HORUS
Being a decentralized omninet collective with no official branding or even consistent manufacturing standards, it should come as no surprise that HORUS has no showrooms.
ERR:CONNECTION_INTERRUPT
CartesianWhisper: P55555t CartesianWhisper: Ignore that 5hithead CartesianWhisper: They don't have any idea what they're talking about CartesianWhisper: You want a mech, kid? CartesianWhisper: And I'm not talking the tra5h the Purv5 try to 5ell you CartesianWhisper: Or that overpriced garbage 55C want5 you to mortgage your genetic5 for CartesianWhisper: Or the macho trucker bull5hit IP5-N i5 trying to hawk CartesianWhisper: I'm talking about the REAL DEAL CartesianWhisper: The PROPER 5TUFF CartesianWhisper: Log on to rgx0582.node-7.c4l.omni CartesianWhisper: I'll 5how you what true power mean5 >:]
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hees-mine · 8 months
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𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 - 𝐋.𝐡𝐬
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Pairing: heeseung ⚥ reader
Synopsis: Ever since the first night of playtime with your big brother, you couldn’t wait to spend more bonding time with him.
Warnings: smut, unprotected sex, stepcest, step brother, tit job, hand job, oral male receiving, fingering, inexperienced reader, dry humping, kissing, pet names.
If you’re uncomfortable with step relationships, this is not for you, so please kindly click off. Also they are both consenting adults. This is a work of fiction.
Genre: 18+, smut, minors do not interact!
WC: 2,622k
PART ONE
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You were cuddled up in your blankets after finishing your bath. It was 10:00 P.M, and you were waiting for your brother to come and play with you again. You couldn’t wait to see him. He’d been gone for most of the day, and you missed him a lot. You pout at the thought today was the longest you ever spent away from him.
A soft knock on your door makes you jump in shock, but you quickly smile after seeing your big brother step through the door with a huge grin on his face. “Bubba!” You run to him at the door with your arms open, engulfing his large frame in a hug.
“Hi, sissy” When he doesn’t hug you back, you lean away from him with a clear look of confusion on your face.
“Why aren’t you hugging me?” You say sadly, and your arms drop to your sides.
He just laughs at your adorable little face. “Surprise!” He shows you what he’s been holding behind his back. It was the big teddy bear that you saw in the mall the other day, and when you asked for it, your parents said you already had too many, but that sure didn’t stop heeseung from getting it for his precious baby sister.
You gasp and practically yank the stuffed animal from his arms, pressing it to your cheek and feeling the warmth and fuzziness of its fur. “Thank you, Bubba!”
As you sat on your bed hugging the bear, heeseung closed the door, making sure he locked it before joining you in the bed. “You’re welcome, baby sis.” he leans down, placing a kiss on your forehead, making you feel all warm inside. “Now, are you gonna play all day with that bear, or do you wanna play with your big bubba?”
His face lights up when you toss the bear on the other side of the bed and immediately cling to his waist. “Wanna play with big Bubba”
“That’s what I thought.” he wastes no time grabbing the hem of your shirt and pulling the loose material over your body. “Arms up,” you automatically obey and lift your arms so he can pull your shirt off. The soft bounce of your tits makes him sigh with nothing but pure delight as he smiles, and so do you. “Lay down, little one” The way you listen to everything he says without even questioning it makes his cock grow rigid beneath his pajamas.
He lays between your legs, leveling himself with your perfect mounds. Sticking his tongue out, he swipes over your erect nipple and hums from the softness on his tongue. “Bubba,” a mewl comes from your delicate frame, and he sucks your hardened bud into his mouth.
Naturally, your back arches slightly, and you begin to buck your hips against him as the heat between your legs intensifies.
He notices the way your hands rest at your sides, and he grips your wrist, guiding your hands to his head. You carefully threaded your fingers through his soft black hair, and he hummed, sliding his hand up to your chest and cupping your breast in his hand soft and gentle. “This feels good right little sissy?” You nod your head, eyes already glazed over with need and arousal.
That same wet, sticky feeling that you felt before was coming back, and you weren’t quite sure what was happening. It only happened when you were around him or if you thought about doing playtime with him.
The bucking of your hips becomes less subtle, and he pulls off your nipple to switch to your left one while scooping both your breasts into his large hands.
Biting on your lip to muffle your moans was nearly futile when you were being so loud.
Heeseung leaned back to lift up his shirt and expose himself to the curious yet shy gaze in your eyes. It makes him chuckle and twitch in his pajamas. As your eyes traveled to his cock he looked down at the very, very evident bulge and blushed slightly. He was already so hard just by being with you.
Instead of verbally answering your curiosity, he simply shimmied out of his sleepwear, showing you himself for the very first time.
You quickly covered your eyes, and you could feel your heart pounding in your chest. A part of you felt scared, but the other felt very excited.
His laugh makes you take your hands away from your eyes. No matter what you did, your gaze never faltered from what was between his legs. “It’s okay to look, baby sis.” he climbed on the bed, straddling your chest as he toyed with your nipples some more. “You can touch me too.”
You looked so fucking cute under him, big round eyes shiny and full of innocence while you shakily placed your hands on his thighs. “Go on,” he encouraged with a smile, and when you poked his shaft and jumped slightly, a hearty laugh bubbled in his chest as he bent down to kiss your forehead. “You’re so cute.” he clasps your hands with his larger ones.
“Wanna touch you some more” you pout, freeing your hands from his grip.
“Okay, want me to show you how I like it?” He smiles, tilting his head to the side as you nod eagerly. Taking your hand, he places it on his length, hissing as your cold hand wraps around the base. “There you go,” he whispers as his eyes grow darker. “Now rub it up and down like a good little sister.”
“Like this?” Your brows crease slightly as you move your hand up and down. He felt so big and warm in your hand, and you wanted to hold him more.
“Mm-hmm,” he grips the bed frame to stabilize himself, gritting his teeth so as not to wake up your guy’s parents in the next room. “See that on the tip?” He breathes out, and you nod. “Rub it all over.”
He moans when you skim the head with your thumb and begin coating his cock with his precum. “Is that right?”
“Yes, you’re doing so good for big brother.” he moved his hands from the bedpost and gripped your breasts. “That’s good,” he says softly and situates his cock between the soft flesh, slowly thrusting back and forth. “You feel so good, sissy,” he groans, eyes fixated on his thick veiny cock pushing past your tits. His tip peaks out every time he ruts forward, nearly grazing your lips.
You almost go crossed-eyed watching him on top of you, and you clench your legs together. The unfamiliar pulsating between your legs makes you cry out softly.
He averted his gaze to you, and he could have come seeing you hungrily staring at his cock. “Stick your tongue out, sissy,” he whispers. As soon as the words leave his lips, your tongue is hanging out all pretty and pink. “Now lick it like your favorite Lolli.”
You lap at his tip, eyes widening from the strong taste, and your heartbeat grows rapid the longer you feel his hot skin hitting your wet tongue. “How’s it taste?”
“Sweet,” you answer him as fast as possible so you can quickly go back to licking him. It tastes so good that you keep going back for more and more.
“Yeah?” He smirked at your words. “Suck on the tip” his thrusting came to a halt. If he continued on like that, he was surely bound to cum.
“Yes, Bubba” You open your mouth, the corners stretching far to accommodate his tip as you begin to suckle on it slowly.
“Oh fuck” he whines and throws his head back. The pleasure very short-lived when you stop sucking him in fear that you may have done something wrong.
“Sorry,” you say, feeling bad for what you had just done. “I hurt you.” You knew he only used words like that when something bad happened.
“Oh, it’s okay, sis.” he stroked your cheek with his palm. “You didn’t hurt me, see?” He smiles to make you comfortable and talks to you in the sweetest tone he can muster. “You’re making Bubba feel so good.”
“You don’t have to lie.” You turned your head away from him. “You only say bad words like that when you’re upset, Bubba.” You mumble and avoided all eye contact.
“Fair, but I also say that when I’m feeling really good too, and sissy Bubba feels so good right now,” he places your hand on his shaft, and you feel it hard and pulsating in your hand. “Feel how hard that is?” You nod innocently. “If you hurt me, it wouldn’t be so hard,” he chuckles. “That’s all because of you. You did that, baby sis. Only you can make Bubba this hard, okay?” You eye him In amazement, wondering how you were able to make him like that but no one else. The new knowledge made you feel proud. “Now go on and make your bubba feel good some more.” he pinched your cheek softly.
Opening your mouth, you cover the tip and even go a little further, taking him by surprise. An unwanted moan escaped his heaving chest, and he prayed it wasn’t as loud as it sounded to him. “Just like that, sissy” his mouth falls open, and he nearly drools the sticky sound of you slurping on his tip enough to make him feel like cumming then and there. The involuntary buck of his hips makes you gag, and his eyes grow wide and panicked. “I’m so sorry sissy. Are you okay?” You just giggle and suck him back in your mouth. The gag felt thrilling, and you wanted to feel it some more, he moans, feeling your hot mouth once more. You took him completely by surprise with your bold actions. He made sure you were one hundred percent okay before thrusting again and again until you were drooling on his big thick cock, and he’s more than impressed with how well you sucked him off for your first time. “Sis-“ he groaned while looking at your mouth covering him whole. It was so wet and sloppy, just the way he loved it. His head started to spin when you made eye contact with him, and he had to pull out of your mouth, panting and trying to catch his breath as his cock throbs in need of release.
You couldn’t react to his sudden departure because his hands were already pulling down your shorts and your panties till they were at your ankles. “I love how wet you get for me.” A feeling of warmth washed over you at his words. You loved it whenever he complimented you. It always made you feel so happy.
He laid down on top of you, gently opening your legs so he could fit in between them. “You wanna cuddle again?” His voice is low and deep in your ear as he holds you in his muscular arms.
“Yes, Bubba.” his chest being pressed against yours made your heart flutter. He was so close that it made you shy as you ducked your head down.
“You’re so cute,” he beams and tilts your head to look at him, pressing his lips against yours sweetly. “Gonna make you feel so good,” he reaches below, easily finding your clit and working it in tiny circles.
“Bubba!” You cry, hands flying to his back to brace yourself, and his hand immediately cups over your mouth.
“Shhh,” he looked you in the eyes with a stern look as he kept rubbing your private parts, spreading the wetness over your mound and covering you in your leak.
Your sounds were muffled, and they increased in volume. Luckily, his hand was enough to silence them when your eyes dropped low. He knew you were close, and he stuck two of his fingers deep in your hole to get you used to the feeling, his thumb still caressing your clit. “Cum” he whispered in your ear. You’re unsure of what he meant, but the shiver that went down your spine, along with the intense feeling down there, was enough to drown out any previous thoughts. “Good,” he drawled out the word, giving you a kiss on your cheek.
His hand stayed firmly cupped to your mouth, knowing you’d get even louder when he penetrated you.
He held his base, aiming at your hole. Slowly dipping his tip in, he pulled out and rubbed over your coated folds staining his cock in your juices before slipping it in inch by inch.
He paid close attention to your face when he was fully sheathed in your heat, the soft flutter of your warm, wet walls around nearly making it impossible for him not to let out a few moans of his own. “Like it sissy?” He whimpered, slowly rolling his hips and filling you out.
All you could do was nod, and he smiled, speeding up his thrusts until little squeaks could be heard beneath his palm. “My little sissy is so tight,” he groaned, snapping his hips fast and rough, getting you adjusted to his cock so you could take him with ease the next night. “Soaking your big Bubba like a good girl.”
You haven’t felt something so intense before, but it felt otherworldly having him on top and inside you. You couldn’t get enough. He always knew how to make you feel so warm and so good.
“Bubba’s gonna make you warm again. Want that?” He kissed your cheek softly, knowing he only had a few more strokes in him till it was over.
You screamed yes, but it could barely be heard past his hand, but he definitely got the message. “You’re so so good for your big brother, such a good little sister.” You felt his hand on that same spot from earlier. It felt good the first time, but it felt even better this time and again. That feeling in your lower tummy exploded, and you let out a cry, violently shaking underneath him.
“Sissy,” he moaned, uncupping your mouth to kiss you, attempting to quiet his own sounds as they got drowned out by you sloppily kissing each other. “I love you, I love you so much, sissy,” he whines into the kiss as he fills you up with his seed emptying out in the deepest part of you as he breathes deeply and makes out with you the best of his abilities.
Drained and barely able to move from the mind-numbing activity, you lay there desperately trying to catch your breath. “Breathe, little one.” he strokes your forehead and kisses your cheek. “Relax.” he holds you close, whispering in your ear how good you make him feel. “Love you, sis. Your big bubba loves you so much.” he kisses every inch of your face, smothering you when you’re finally able to think straight.
“Love you too, big Bubba,” you tell him shyly, and he hugs you tighter than ever.
He pulled out reluctantly, and he got about halfway before pushing back in. Not being able to part with you so soon, he at least wanted to cuddle for a few more minutes. Besides, your parents wouldn’t be waking up this late. “Mmm, Bubba,” you moan as you still feel him stuck deep inside you.
“Bubba’s gonna hold you while you sleep.” he kissed your neck resting beside your head.
“Okay, goodnight, Bubba.” Your eyes fall shut soon after from exhaustion, and the last thing you feel is a kiss on your lips and the warmth of him between your legs before drifting off to sleep.
Heeseung was just waiting till the weekend when both your guy’s parents went on vacation. Then he could really have you to himself, and you both could be as loud as you wanted, and every night would end in playtime.
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Thanks for reading please reblog and leave feedback!
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4dbarbie-archive · 9 months
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4dbarbie remix: How to let go of Vanessa
My notes: This is basically a TLDR version of my first 4dbarbie remix post How to realise Self. My original intention for that post was actually to make something like this, a really straightforward (and short lol) practical guide on how to let go of the ego in order to realize Self that I could refer to and apply on a day to day basis. It ended up being a long essay (it was over 3000 words aha) as I decided to go through all her posts and answered asks and found a lot of important information to include so it sort of became more of an educational post (which I'm glad to have made and it helped me understand everything better too!). So anyway, here it is. Pretty much all of the below information was taken from my How to realise Self post (besides the suggested exercises section at the bottom) - I just extracted the more practical guidance outside the explanations to make it.
My personal notes and highlights are in pink for main points and purple for 'action' points.
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Just let go of the ego, that’s how simple it is. All you need to fix is your wrong identification. There isn't anyone who couldn’t materialize anything right now if he or she would just let go of identifying as the limited body. 1
Stop thinking you are Vanessa, the thoughts of needing this or that drop away. To change, you need to give up this conviction of being this person. You need to disbelieve. 2 A lot of beliefs are subconscious. "I am a body", "I am Vanessa", "There is a world" are all subconscious, automatic beliefs. Upon investigation you can get rid of any belief (by making them conscious and then dropping them). 14 How do you drop a belief? (see part 1 and part 2)
All you need to do is detach from this form during the day, let life happen as it happens while reminding yourself it's a dream, a dream that doesn't have to be yours. 3
What I recommend you to do is bring your self into focus, become aware of your own existence. See how you function, watch the motives and the results of your actions. Study the prison you have built around yourself because of credulity. By knowing what you are not, you come to know your self. The way back to your self is through refusal and rejection. 4
Leave your mind alone, that is all. Don't go along with it. 5 Thoughts will keep on coming for a while, just now you know they have nothing to do with you. Get into a habit of watching, letting them be but not identifying with them. If you can observe them, it means you are not them. 6
Step away and look (observe). The physical events will go on happening, but by themselves they have no importance. It is your mind alone that matters. When you identify yourself with them, you are their slave, you think you have to act on them. When you stand apart, you are their master 7
Just stop taking the thoughts you don't like for truth or reality. There is no convincing involved, it is all letting go. 8 Doesn't matter what the thought is, leave it alone, ignore it BUT not by force of will, just indifference 9
Start letting go bit by bit, just to see what happens. You won't start "acting crazy" just because you become uninterested in thoughts, I promise 10
You don't need to convince yourself they're unreal, just dismiss them (your thoughts) as not yours. They will disappear more and more through your newfound indifference, then their physical counterparts will, too. Detachment is by doubt and indifference. First you start doubting "the facts", then you become indifferent to the facts, lastly there are no facts anymore and you can establish your own. 9
Your next step will be realizing there is nothing to learn in a dream. You'll find yourself having less and less thoughts, then none at all. Then, only if you want, you will be able to reinstall the mind, now of your choice, and change the dream. 3
All you need is to get rid of the tendency to define your self. All definitions apply to your body only and to its expressions. Once this obsession with the body goes, you will revert to your natural state, spontaneously and effortlessly. 4
Be patient with yourself because you don't lose any time, just get to that place I'm telling you about and then you can just go back in time if you so wish. All worry is pointless! And there is nothing to fear, things just happen, do not claim them as yours for a while. Unclutter your mind, it becomes your servant after you've freed it enough. 11
Reminder: This body and this world are not forced onto you, they exist through your identification with them. Not yours, remember? Repeat. Not yours. You won't lose your mind, you'll only lose your misery. After you've detached, you'll easily shift to as many realities as you want - don't put any on a pedestal of desire, they are equal. See this world and the body as not real first. What is true is only what I AM is identified with, right now this body which is not in that TV show (referring to anon's desire). Correct this first by letting go of thinking it's you. 12
Suggested exercises (not required if you don't want to do it!)
1. Sitting in silence & just being with no thoughts - The whole point of sitting in silence is to realize what you are, pure beingness. Awareness only becomes consciousness when it has an object. The object changes all the time. In consciousness there is movement; awareness by itself is motionless and timeless, here and now. 4
2. Start doubting you'll wake up as Vanessa tomorrow - Not to get it, but consider it actually… What if… I wake up tomorrow and I realize an entire life has been just a dream?! Equal to the one I dreamt last night?! What if you wake up and realize it all was a nightmare that you THOUGHT went on for years and it's just been a few hours... even get scared and terrified about that thought. Better than getting scared about non-reality.
WHAT IN THE WORLD?! That never was... but I felt it so real, I swear I was her?! Yet here you are, awake, and the dream never was.
Do it like that. Doubt that it's anything but a dream as much as possible. 13
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Sources:
Citations: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14
In-text links: 1, 2, 3, 4
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batboyblog · 1 month
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Things Biden and the Democrats did, this week #9
March 9-15 2024
The IRS launched its direct file pilot program. Tax payers in 12 states, Florida, New Hampshire, Nevada, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Washington, Wyoming, Arizona, Massachusetts, California and New York, can now file their federal income taxes for free on-line directly with the IRS. The IRS plans on taking direct file nation wide for next year's tax season. Tax Day is April 15th so if you're in one of those states you have a month to check it out.
The Department of Education’s Office of Civil Rights opened an investigation into the death of Nex Benedict. the OCR is investigating if Benedict's school district violated his civil rights by failing to protect him from bullying. President Biden expressed support for trans and non-binary youth in the aftermath of the ruling that Benedict's death was a suicide and encouraged people to seek help in crisis
Vice President Kamala Harris became the first sitting Vice-President (or President) to visit an abortion provider. Harris' historic visit was to a Planned Parenthood clinic in St. Paul Minnesota. This is the last stop on the Vice-President's Reproductive Rights Tour that has taken her across the country highlighting the need for reproductive health care.
President Biden announced 3.3 billion dollars worth of infrastructure projects across 40 states designed to reconnect communities divided by transportation infrastructure. Communities often split decades ago by highways build in the 1960s and 70s. These splits very often affect communities of color splitting them off from the wider cities and making daily life far more difficult. These reconnection projects will help remedy decades of economic racism.
The Biden-Harris administration is taking steps to eliminate junk fees for college students. These are hidden fees students pay to get loans or special fees banks charged to students with bank accounts. Also the administration plans to eliminate automatic billing for textbooks and ban schools from pocketing leftover money on student's meal plans.
The Department of Interior announced $120 million in investments to help boost Climate Resilience in Tribal Communities. The money will support 146 projects effecting over 100 tribes. This comes on top of $440 million already spent on tribal climate resilience by the administration so far
The Department of Energy announced $750 million dollars in investment in clean hydrogen power. This will go to 52 projects across 24 states. As part of the administration's climate goals the DoE plans to bring low to zero carbon hydrogen production to 10 million metric tons by 2030, and the cost of hydrogen to $1 per kilogram of hydrogen produced by 2031.
The Department of Energy has offered a 2.3 billion dollar loan to build a lithium processing plant in Nevada. Lithium is the key component in rechargeable batteries used it electric vehicles. Currently 95% of the world's lithium comes from just 4 countries, Australia, Chile, China and Argentina. Only about 1% of the US' lithium needs are met by domestic production. When completed the processing plant in Thacker Pass Nevada will produce enough lithium for 800,000 electric vehicle batteries a year.
The Department of Transportation is making available $1.2 billion in funds to reduce decrease pollution in transportation. Available in all 50 states, DC and Puerto Rico the funds will support projects by transportation authorities to lower their carbon emissions.
The Geothermal Energy Optimization Act was introduced in the US Senate. If passed the act will streamline the permitting process and help expand geothermal projects on public lands. This totally green energy currently accounts for just 0.4% of the US' engird usage but the Department of Energy estimates the potential geothermal energy supply is large enough to power the entire U.S. five times over.
The Justice for Breonna Taylor Act was introduced in the Senate banning No Knock Warrants nationwide
A bill was introduced in the House requiring the US Postal Service to cover the costs of any laid fees on bills the USPS failed to deliver on time
The Senate Confirmed 3 more Biden nominees to be life time federal Judges, Jasmine Yoon the first Asian-America federal judge in Virginia, Sunil Harjani in Illinois, and Melissa DuBose the first LGBTQ and first person of color to serve as a federal judge in Rhode Island. This brings the total number of Biden judges to 185
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sleepyxxhead · 4 months
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thinking about boyfriend!nanami who would cut fresh fruit for you while you're studying/working.
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your eyes burned from the light of the computer screen that you had been staring at for god knows how many hours at this point. your fingers tapped away at the small keys on the keyboard, too fast for you to process what you were typing. every once in a while you'd quickly scribble something down on your notepad that you knew would be too messy to read later.
you could hear nothing but the tap tap tap's of your keyboard when the sound of a small knock at your door filled your ears. "y/n darling?" your boyfriend muttered, almost too soft to hear over the quier creak of the door opening.
"hm?" you hummed, finger barely slowing down as you kept your eyes trained on the screen.
you heard your boyfriend pad over to your desk, right behind your chair. he placed a small plate of fruit next to your keyboard as his hand found your scalp, massaging it with slender fingers. he worked his hands down to your neck, slowly releasing the knots that had been building up even since you sat down many hours ago.
he leaned down to place a gentle kiss to the crown of your head. "how's it going?" the blonde murmured into your scalp.
fighting the urge to turn your head away from the computer, you replied with a small sigh, body automatically leaning into his touch.
"wanna take a break with me in a bit?" he whispered before pressing another kiss to your head.
"kentooo don't do this to me," you groaned, hiding your head in your hands. "you know i have to get this finished."
"come on, sweetheart. you need to take a break," your boyfriend said a bit more stern this time. "10 more minutes."
finally peeling your eyes away from the computer screen, you let out a small sigh. you turned your head to meet eyes with nanami, a small pout on your face. his eyes softened once they met your gaze. he let a small breath through his nose as he rubbed your cheek fondly with his thumb.
for a split second, you reminded yourself that your work wouldn't get done on its own, but your mind slowly succumbed to the gentle touch of your boyfriend.
at last, you surrendered with another small sigh, your voice barely above a whisper when you told him, "..ok."
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something small to feed you guys while i work on flufftober week 4! yes i'm aware it's been two months and yes i'm so very sorry fjdksa;fds
have a nice day cutie <33
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i-cant-sing · 9 months
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I was rereading some of your works and this line stuck out to me
‘Enji is keeping up with all your cravings, no matter how weird. You're craving ice chips? Alright. You want ice cream at 3 am? The fridge is stocked with your favs. Oh no, you want soft serve? Its okay, princess, I'll drive us there. I'm sure they'll open the store for the no. 1 hero.’
I immediately pictured him, banging on the front door of the shop, absolutely panicked because his “baby” is hungry for ice cream and is worried that she’ll cry because of pregnancy hormones
HAHAHAHAHA YESSSSSS and like u can't blame him??? He's already so protective of you as his daughter, but not that you're pregnant with Ratsuki's baby, his protectiveness increases ten folds. Who knows what that devil's spawn is doing to your poor body???? How much pain you're in because of Ratsuki's baby????
Ugh, he just- even if you tell him how excited you are to gave this baby, Enji just can't stop fretting over you because you're his baby! Always were, and always will be!
Yandere dad Enji with pregnant daughter reader is literally so cute because there is nothing that will stop this man from making sure that you are healthy and comfortable and yes, he will still hold you whenever you're feeling down, baby bump or not, you weigh nothing to him🥰
You're feeling emotional and end up calling Enji (instead of Katsuki cause he's busy with work) and he hears a wobble in your voice? BAm, papa is at your door step in 10 minutes with ice cream and snacks and warm cuddles. Feel free to bitch about Katsuki to him (actually dont, he will kill him)
Ever since you got married and moved in with Katsuki, Enji had been missing your company. And once you had returned from your honeymoon and visited him, he realised just how terribly he missed you. So of course he grabs any opportunity to spend time with you. Baby checkup? Okay, papa Enji is coming to pick you up. Grocery shopping? How odd that he's also out of groceries. Cmon, lets shop together, and maybe some cute (SUPER EXPENSIVE, LUXURY BRANDED) maternity and baby clothes to spoil you. Nothing to do at home? Well, you can always help out dad at his work! Enji's sending a car to drive you to his company 🥰 And its like, even if you do have plans with Katsuki, Enji will pull some strings to make sure that Katsuki gets stuck at work while you sulk at home, awaiting your husband. But Enji will come to console you, cry on his shoulder baby. Sometimes, Enji will drop by unannounced, especially if he finds out that you're spending the weekend with Katsuki's parents. He'll be bringing in a boquet, kissing you on the cheek, before wrapping his coat around you, telling you that you must come home with him right away. And you're all like "??? Dad! I'm here with my in laws. I cant just up and leave-!" And he pulls the big sad eyes and says "Its Rei." and you automatically sigh and nod before going to apologise to Kats parents for cancelling your plans with them, claiming there's a "family emergency", which isnt a lie because yandere Rei is an EMERGENCY at all times. Its just, you've always known your mother's mental health was detoriating, but the rate at which it detoriated increased ten folds when you moved out. She's always been protective of you, because of all the trauma and because you're her youngest, so of course... she took it the hardest when you left her side to be with Katsuki. And before your marriage, you swore to your father that you'll always be there to help him with Mom, whenever needed, no questions asked. Its the only reason Enji gave you his blessing marry RATsuki. So whenever he misses you too much, he tells you that Rei is having another "episode" where she's screaming your name, crying that someone took you away and is hurting you, is resorting to harming herself, etc. And sometimes Rei does have these epiosdes, other times she doesnt, but it doesnt matter to either of them because if they want u home, you will come. And as soon as Enji has brought you to the Todoroki estate, your're running (or waddling) inside, immeadiately engulfed by your mother who will now proceed to coddle you and fret over you non stop for the next couple of days (spoon feeding you her food, brushing your hair until you dose off, rubbing your baby bump while humming lullabies. Enji's having the best time too becuase he gets to tuck you in at night and wake u in the morning and have more daddy-daughter ice cream dates with yall) until she's better or... well, your husbands comes to fetch you.
And Rat- KATSUKI, sees through all their BULLSHIT! But you dont and thats why he cant call them out on it. Thats why he must be the more patient one between him and your greedy parents.
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roosterforme · 8 months
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Always Ever Only You Part 10 | Rooster x Reader
Summary: Does absence make the heart grow fonder or more frustrated? You and Bradley aren't quite sure where you stand with each other, and you're both apprehensive about how it will feel to open up communication again. And while it's hard for you to stop blaming yourself, Bradley is becoming aware of all the ways he hasn't done enough.
Warnings: Angst, swearing
Length: 5400 words
Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader
This was written to accompany my series Is It Working For You? along with a bunch of my one-shots and other series, but it can be read on its own! Check my masterlist for the reading order. Always Ever Only You masterlist. Gorgeous banner by @mak-32
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Bradley picked at his dinner for the third night in a row. He sat between Nat and Bob, and both of them clearly knew something was wrong. But Bradley hadn't been able to talk about it. What was he supposed to say, anyway? Admit that he had been acting like sex with his wife was a chore? Tell them that he had made you cry the night you got promoted? Disclose that you had slept on the bathroom floor to get away from him? Announce he was that asshole who got his sperm tested without telling you?
As if that wasn't enough, Bradley could still hear the hurt in your voice when you yelled at him about the test results in the kitchen at home. The memory of it caused him a physical pain in his chest. It was an ache that he knew would be there until you spoke to him again. If you spoke to him again. 
"Pass the salt?" Bob asked softly, and Bradley did it automatically and without any emotion. It wasn't Bob's fault that things went down so badly at home. And it wasn't Nat's fault either. But he could barely look at them or talk to them, and he knew he was going to need to start. Because whatever this mission brought, all of them would be doomed with Bradley in this kind of headspace. 
He cleared his throat and said, "This meatloaf is pretty good."
"It's okay," Nat replied. "Nothing's as good as what your wife makes. Think you can talk her into another dinner party when we get home?"
He could only grunt in response before he had to cover his eyes with one hand. 
"Hey," Nat whispered, wrapping her arm around his shoulders. "You're kind of scaring us, Soul Sister. Wanna talk about it?"
He shook his head. "Not in the middle of the mess hall, but thanks, Nat."
"Maybe later? We can sit in the lounge and eat all the candy I brought."
Bradley had to close his eyes against the pain he felt over being an inadequate husband. But he loved his best friend, and he knew he'd probably feel better if he confided in her. "I'll think about it."
Just when he started poking at his dinner again, three young aviators sat down on the other side the table, the biggest one directly across from Bradley. "Hey, old timers," he said in an annoying accent that immediately reminded him of Jake. So these must be the young recruits out of Lemoore. The hotshots that all the admirals were talking about. Bradley just wanted to poke at his food and think about his wife. He didn't really feel like babysitting right now. 
"Hi," Bob responded cheerily, and the three of them laughed. Bradley wanted to tell Bob not to engage with them, but it was too late. The big one, who introduced himself as Slayer, was subtly making fun of Bob's glasses, and Bradley's nerves were already too frayed. 
"Hey, Nat, how about we hang out in the lounge now," he said as he stood with his mostly uneaten tray of dinner. Bradley was exhausted, all he wanted was to be able to fix things with you, and training was starting early tomorrow morning. And he needed to get away from these morons as soon as possible. 
Nat and Bob stood, and followed him to get rid of their trash and trays. "I didn't think you'd actually take me up on my offer so soon. Usually you need a full week to stew in your feelings before you say anything."
Bradley rolled his eyes. "I didn't like the way Slayer was talking to Bob. You know he was making fun of you right? He literally said he'd never fly with a WSO in glasses," he said. 
"Oh. Yeah. I know," Bob replied in an even tone. "Doesn't much matter. I don't have to fly with him. I get to fly with Phoenix. And I always pass my eye exams."
Bradley was in a constant state of inner panic right now. He didn't understand how his two friends could be as calm as they were. Nat was listing off all the candy she had brought with her while Bob nodded placidly and told her that Starbursts were his guilty pleasure. Meanwhile Bradley couldn't decide if he wanted to cry or jump into the ocean. When he thought about you back at home in the craftsman with Tramp, it was hard for him to breathe. You were forgiving, patient and caring, but he wasn't so sure he deserved any of those things from you right now. 
The three of them stopped by Nat's bunk to get some of the candy, but after Bob snagged a few Starbursts, he turned away from the lounge.
"You're not coming?" Nat asked. 
"Nah," Bob replied as he unwrapped a candy. "I'll turn in early. Good night."
Bradley just shook his head. Even though he'd be up all night, typing up email drafts to you on his phone without any wi-fi, at least Bob didn't snore. So he could be miserable in his bed with some peace and quiet. 
"Come on," Nat told him, wrapping her smaller hand around the crook of his elbow and guiding him down the dim, gray corridor toward the lounge. "You'll feel better after we talk."
"I don't know," he replied, swallowing past the pain he felt. When he got into the lounge, he flopped down on his back on the narrow couch, leaving a tiny bit of room for Nat to sit next to his head. "I fucked up."
"I'm assuming by just how fucking miserable you look that something happened with your wife?" She opened a package of Twizzlers and handed him a few strands. 
"We were trying to have a baby," he said softly as he spun the silicone ring around on his finger. It felt weird. It looked weird. He didn't really like it. He missed his gold band that he left at home with you. But this one would be safer; that's why he ordered it with all of his deployment supplies from Amazon. And if anything happened to him, you'd at least have his wedding ring. 
"Yeah," Nat replied, shoving some gummy worms into her mouth. "I know. You already told me that. You're glued to your wife most of the time anyway. If you have a baby, you'll be insufferable." 
"I don't know if she'll let me touch her again let alone have sex."
She paused with more worms in her hand and looked down at him. "Bradshaw, what the hell did you do?"
He rubbed his hand over his face and took a deep breath. "I think I put too much pressure on her. On both of us. We've been trying for five cycles, and I know when her period is due and when she's ovulating...and I realize how bad that sounds when I say it out loud. Because yeah...I kept talking about it nonstop at home. I ruined her fucking promotion night, Nat."
"Oh," she whispered. "You made her feel like she only serves one purpose for you."
"Fuck," he moaned, covering his eyes with his bicep, his Baby Girl paper airplane tattoo pressed to his face. Nat was completely right. In one short sentence, she put all of his wild, rambling thoughts into perspective for him. That was exactly what he had been doing. And when he thought he was being helpful, all he was really doing was reminding you of what wasn't happening. "Nat, I had my sperm tested, and I didn't tell her. She found the paperwork with the results."
She gasped, and he immediately felt a million times worse. He had disappointed his wife, and now his best friend was disgusted with him on your behalf. "Why?" she demanded, tossing the candy bags aside and tugging on him until he was sitting up. "Why didn't you tell her?"
"Fuck, Nat. I thought it would be helpful information to have, you know? If there was something wrong with me, then we could talk to a doctor right away."
"There's nothing wrong with you, is there?" she asked in a monotone voice.
"No," he replied softly, looking at the floor. "And then I didn't want to tell her about it. But she saw the paper, and she blamed herself for everything. Which I somehow knew was exactly what was going to happen. And I should have just fucking told her I was thinking about getting the testing done!"
When he turned to look at his best friend, her eyes looked sad, and her lips were set in a frown. "Oh, Rooster. You're such an idiot."
"I know that!" he snapped back. "I don't need you to say it!"
"Yes, you do," she replied calmly. "You need me to say it. You should have come to me with this weeks ago. Next time you have a dumbass thought, like how you're going to jerk off into a cup and not tell your wife about it, you come talk to me. We'll sort it out."
"I don't know how to fix this. We could barely even look at each other when I left." He closed his eyes and added, "And now I'm here, and she's there."
"What's more important to you? Having a child or loving your wife?"
Whether or not Nat really needed to hear what his answer to that question was, the words made him so physically sick, he had to stand up and walk around the room. "If she's not happy, then nothing else matters," he managed around the tightness in his throat. "It's not worth it. Nothing else is worth it if she's not happy with me."
"Then I think you need to start with that and work from there," Nat told him, standing and wrapping him in a hug.
------------------------------
You skipped work on Monday. You didn't call in. You didn't tell anyone. You just didn't go. You just stayed in bed most of the day with Bradley's wedding ring and a sinking feeling in your heart. Your parents called you on Monday night, probably to see how you were doing without Bradley at home, but you couldn't answer their call. And you weren't honestly sure if things were better or worse without him here. All you knew was you didn't want to go back to work, because you couldn't stop crying. 
But on Tuesday morning, you felt more angry than sad, and that seemed to be the motivation you needed to take a shower. You vigorously scrubbed at your Rooster tattoo until the skin felt fresh and raw. Then you dressed in your uniform and headed out. You hadn't eaten anything since before Bradley left, but it didn't matter. 
You couldn't even decide if you wanted to talk to him or not. He could call you tomorrow, or it could be weeks before you heard from him. But you kept your phone on you just like you always did when he was away. The sickening feeling of what if washed over you. What if something happened, and they needed to reach you. What if Bradley was injured again. What if you never got a chance to talk to him again.
As you made your way to your lab, you already had tears in your eyes. By shutting each other out, you and your husband had only made things worse. You had to stop thinking about him. He probably wasn't even thinking about you at all. His goodbye speech was echoing in your mind, and you could just picture his ring on your nightstand. 
"Fuck," you croaked as you sat down in your usual seat. You thought you were alone, but then you heard Cat's voice behind you.
"Something wrong?"
"No," you muttered, wiping at your eyes. "I'm fine." You didn't even bother to turn and face her, but a second later, she was pulling her chair closer to you than she normally sat. Great. "I told you I was fine."
"Yeah," she replied casually. "And I heard you. But you're terrible at lying. You're too nice to be able to pull it off. Where were you yesterday?"
You stared straight ahead and took a few deep breaths. You weren't feeling particularly nice these days, and you weren't too fond of the way Cat had been treating Jake. Your heart rate was up. The desire to hurt someone, to make them feel miserable like you did, was pulsing through your body. 
"You know what, Cat?" you asked, turning in your seat to face her. You got to watch her neutral expression melt away as you said, "Maybe we should cut the shit."
"What are you talking about?" she asked, very subtly moving away from you. That should have been you cue to cool yourself down, but you just couldn't. 
"I'm talking about the way you're treating Jake like he's trash. Did you make out with him in secret again yesterday? Turn him down for another date?"
"I can't go out with him," she snapped back. "I can't have him around Jeremiah. He's exactly like what I left behind in Maryland."
"You like him!" you nearly shouted. 
"Of course I do," she replied, dark eyes flashing. "But not seriously. He'd be a terrible fit for me now. He's a womanizer. I know he's your friend, but why can't you see that?"
"He wants to change! And he'd probably just adore Jeremiah!" you insisted with narrowed eyes. "For some unknown reason, he really likes you, even though you and your Uncle Hondo are putting him through the fucking ringer!"
Your fists were clenched, and it felt so good to be upset about something other than your relationship with Bradley. But you watched Cat's expression turn to panic. 
"You know about Hondo?" she asked softly. 
You laughed darkly. "Are you referring to the fact that he's your uncle? Or that he's been giving Jake extra push ups and laps around the hangars as extra punishments for weeks now?"
Her lips parted, and she looked like she was going to be sick. "He saw us. He must have."
"Yeah, no shit. I saw you, too, remember? You're not doing a very good job of hiding the fact that you think Jake is good enough for you to lead him on physically but not good enough to have dinner with him."
"Uncle Bernie is trying to scare Jake away. Because Jake is exactly like Chris, and he doesn't want me to get hurt again. I didn't know-" she started, but you cut her off. 
"Well now you do. And if you truly don't give a flying fuck about Jake, then let him rot out there on the tarmac, doing a million extra push ups every day instead of eating lunch. But if you care about him even a little bit, please stop leading him on. Just tell him you're not going to date him once and for all, and tell Hondo to knock it off!"
Cat turned toward her computer and went silent for the rest of the morning. Which was fine with you. There was a lot to catch up on since you skipped work yesterday. There was no point in going to lunch since Bradley was gone. And if you did go, you'd just end up arguing with Jake. So instead you pretended to do some work while you thought about how many things needed to change between you and Bradley until you made yourself nauseous. 
------------------------------------------
"Before we get started today, I'd like to just take a moment to point out that our fresh recruits from Lemoore have been doing an excellent job both in the air and in the classroom," Admiral Dean announced to the room full of aviators. Bradley rolled his eyes as Slayer and his buddies sat up a little straighter. "You're really earning the spotlight," he told them before continuing with some of the mission details. 
Admiral Dean had been showing favoritism to the group from Lemoore all week, and Bradley cringed knowing he had seven more weeks of this to go. He didn't want to be here. His mind kept wandering back to San Diego. Back to you. 
After a week away, he didn't even know where you and he stood. He felt numb. Desensitized. Almost like nothing could hurt him or fix him except you. Were you sleeping and eating well? Were you worried about him? Was there any way you could forgive him for the way he'd behaved and the things he'd said? Did you even want to?
It was a good thing he already had these mission parameters memorized; two teams would be working in tandem to eliminate a communications tower and a newly constructed military base. He knew it by heart, and now all he could think about was what he wanted to tell you if you accepted a call from him. He'd been talking to Nat all week, and it was clear to Bradley now that you should be his top priority. Not a baby, not having sex to try to get pregnant. Just you. 
But there was so much he wanted to say to you, and he was afraid he was going to stumble over his words and just make things worse. It could be another week or two before he was allowed access to an iPad anyway. He'd put his name in to try to get chosen for an early FaceTime slot, but there were no guarantees. 
"Bradshaw, Trace, Floyd," barked Admiral Dean. "Get out to your aircrafts to run some practice formations. And try to keep up with the rest."
"Yes, sir," Bradley managed to say with a perfect salute when really all we wanted to do was flip this guy the bird and then hijack an iPad for the rest of the day. 
"You look so distracted," Nat whispered as they exited the classroom. 
"I just need to talk to her," he replied softly. "If I can just have a real conversation with her and tell her how I feel, I think I'll be able to focus."
She nodded. "I know. I already told you that if I get selected first, you can trade time slots with me."
He just nodded, because the tightness in his throat made him more than a little nervous for how he was about to perform in the air for Admiral Dean and the other officers. Once they were all out on deck, the sun was way too hot, and Bradley could feel the sweat trickling down his back. He handed his helmet to Nat for a second so he could remove his silicone ring and wipe the sweat from his hand. 
"Whoa, wait. Are you two old timers married to each other?" asked Slayer's large and annoying buddy. From the font emblazoned across his helmet, his call sign was Charmer. Oh, the irony.
"No, dumbass," Nat replied coolly. "Flying together would be disallowed according to the misconduct handbook."
Charmer looked confused by her words, and Bradley wanted to laugh. But now Slayer was referring to Bob as "four eyes" which made him want to punch something.
"How can I guarantee that you can see correctly in the air?" Slayer asked him. "I shouldn't even have to fly with you at all."
"Oh," Bob said with a good natured chuckle. "My corrective lenses make it possible for me to see just perfectly. I passed my eye exams last month."
But Slayer just snickered. "The only thing worse than flying with a guy who can't see is flying with a woman." 
Bradley was about to take his helmet back from Nat when he felt his hands curl into fists. Suddenly it seemed like he had nothing to lose by leveling these assholes. 
"You need to learn some fucking manners and put some respect on her name," Bradley growled closing in on Slayer.
But the other man didn't back down at all. "I'm sure Phoenix here can't fly for shit, but at least she's alright to look at. I'll bet your wife is a dog, old man."
That was it. Bradley was actually going to be dishonorably discharged from the navy for fistfighting another officer. But just as Bob managed to kind of wedge his arms between their bodies, Admiral Dean started calling for everyone to get in their aircrafts. 
"Woof woof," Slayer called with a laugh as he strutted away. He sounded like a fucking child. He essentially was a fucking child. But Bradley still had to fight the desire to pound his face in.
"You need to relax," Nat hissed. "Dean already has it out for us, and you'll just make it worse."
"I know," Bradley growled, putting his helmet on. "But he insulted both of you."
"Bob and I are used to it, Rooster. You need to tuck your feelings way down deep inside until later tonight. I'll get out more candy and can you lay on the couch in the lounge and mope. But now is not the time!"
His friend was absolutely right. He needed to chill. So Bradley tried to clear his mind of all extraneous material, keeping only the mission details and his perfect wife at the forefront.
----------------------------
On Saturday evening, you managed to call your parents back. They sounded concerned when you lied and told them that you had a migraine and you were going to try to catch up on sleep for the rest of the weekend. You tried to engage in conversation for a few minutes more, but as soon as your mom mentioned future grandkids, you had to end the call. 
The throbbing pain in your heart just wouldn't go away. You missed Bradley. It hurt to breathe as you curled up in bed wearing your husband's UVA shirt with Tramp next to you. 
Jake kept texting you constantly, trying to see where you were. He tried calling a few times today, but you were ignoring him pretty successfully. Maybe you could just take some melatonin and pass out until tomorrow afternoon. 
As you climbed out of bed to dig around in your nightstand, a thought occurred to you. Had Bradley left you anything this time? You'd been too consumed by your wayward thoughts to even register that maybe there was something in here for you. When you opened the drawer, you sank all the way down onto your knees on the floor. 
There was a pretty, professionally bound album with one of your wedding photos on the cover. You and Bradley on the beach. He was looking at you like he couldn't believe you were real, and his fingers were resting gently on the side of your neck. 
You had to squeeze your eyes closed against the tears, because you could remember that moment perfectly. You could almost feel the weight of his hands on your body and hear his voice. When you reached into the drawer to remove the album, a tiny paper airplane that was tucked in the corner fell out of it.
Thanks for the memories, Baby Girl.
You couldn't stop crying. There were photos from when you were dating and the day he bought the craftsman. There were photos of Tramp and some from the Hard Deck. There was one of you at the beach just before a crashing wave soaked you through your clothing. There were some with your parents and some at Goose and Carole's gravesite. And he had chosen the most beautiful wedding and honeymoon photos as well. Everything was in order, and they were all perfect. And each one had a handwritten sentence or two underneath.
I can't believe how beautiful you are.
How did I get this lucky?
Let's stay together forever. That's all I want.
You are my perfect wife.
You were laying flat on the floor, staring at the ceiling with tears leaking from your eyes when you heard your doorbell ring. "Fuck," you gasped as you sobbed. Tramp launched himself off the bed and ran through the living room barking up a storm. 
They would go away. Whoever it was would just leave when nobody opened the door. But then the pounding started. "Angel! It's me! I see your car in the driveway."
You didn't want to talk to Jake right now. You didn't want to talk to anyone right now. You just wanted to look at the album of photos from your husband and wonder what he meant by Thanks for the memories, Baby Girl.
"I brought my spare key from Rooster, and I'm about to use it," he called through the door. Even Tramp's barks had turned to a pathetic whimper by this point, so you just got yourself up off the floor. 
You almost made it to the door by the time Jake was opening it. And then he took one look at you, softly closed it behind him, and wrapped his arms around you. 
"Oh, Angel," he crooned as you sobbed and shook against him. "What the hell happened?"
"Everything," you cried, burying your face in his shirt. "I don't know."
Carefully and very slowly, he guided you toward the couch as he told you that it would all be okay. But you didn't believe him. And when he suggested you sit down while he got you something to drink, you shook your head.
"Okay," he whispered, keeping his arms tight around you, holding you in the middle of the living room. You had no idea how long it took until you were able to stand on your own again, but when you finally pulled your face away from his shoulder and met his eyes, he looked very concerned. 
You just sniffed and wiped at your tears as he kissed your forehead. "You ready to tell me what's wrong?" he asked, and you just shrugged in response. You knew that as soon as you started talking, you'd be sobbing again. "You ready for some tea and a snack?"
This time you nodded and plopped down onto the couch with Tramp at your feet. You could hear Jake opening and closing the kitchen cupboards, looking for mugs and tea bags. But it felt nice to have someone in your house with you, so you curled up against the throw pillow and took some deep breaths. When he set down some cheese and crackers next to a mug of hot tea, you realized you hadn't eaten all day. Your stomach growled with hunger, and then you thought you might be sick. 
He sat next to you and blew on his own mug of tea. "Figured you hadn't eaten dinner," he mused, petting Tramp on the head. 
"I haven't eaten all day," you whispered, reaching for your own mug. 
Jake gave you an appraising look. "I think it's time to tell me what's wrong."
You tried to sip your tea, but it was too hot. "You already know I can't seem to get pregnant," you said with an awkward shrug. "It's the only thing Bradley wants, and I can't get it right."
"Angel. That's not the only thing he wants," Jake insisted, but your eyes were blurry with tears again. 
"Just because he'd never admit to it doesn't mean it's not true," you whispered.
"He'd never admit to it, because it's not true. Jesus, do you hear yourself? Trying to talk in circles to reach an incorrect conclusion?" he asked, shaking his head. "Bradley would walk through fire for you. He would tame a lion, or defy the laws of physics or some shit."
You snorted in spite of yourself. But then you admitted to Jake that Bradley had gotten his sperm tested behind your back. And you told him the things he had said recently that made you cry yourself to sleep.
"He's just stupid," Jake insisted. "Doesn't mean he loves you less because you're not pregnant. Yet. Just give it a few more months. And it sounds like you both want the exact same thing, and you both want to find a way to blame yourself so the other one can be let off the hook."
"Huh." You hadn't really thought about it that way. The self blame crept in every day for you. But maybe that was part of the reason why Bradley gave a sperm sample. Blaming yourself was easier than blaming the person you loved. 
Then Jake asked, "Did you skip lunch all week? I saved you a seat every day. I saw Maria, and I asked if you'd been eating with her." 
You looked at him and knew you couldn't lie. "I haven't really had an appetite since Bradley left."
"Have you been avoiding the dining hall because of me?" 
Maybe you had been a little bit. You didn't want to go down there knowing you wouldn't see Bradley, not with the way you left things. But you felt like things with Jake were a little off kilter too. "I don't know. Maybe."
He sat in silence for a minute before reaching for the plate of cheese and crackers and holding it out to you. With a sigh you took some of the food and started to nibble on it. 
"What's going on with you and Cat?"
"Nothing."
You rolled your eyes and bit into the cracker. "I've heard that before."
He lounged back against the couch and stared at the ceiling. "I really like her. There's something about the way she looks and her smile and her voice. I don't know. But she told me a few days ago to just stop asking her out. So I did. And I've barely seen her since."
You felt like maybe this was your fault. You also felt like maybe this is what Jake actually needed. "Is Hondo still riding you?"
"Nah," Jake sighed before he drank more of his tea. "He backed off. Kind of miss it though. Make me feel like I was getting somewhere, you know?" he asked with a tiny smirk. "It's hard to get under that man's skin. But I guess making out with his niece will do the trick."
You laughed, and then you realized you had eaten most of the cheese and crackers. And then you finished your tea while Jake took Tramp out for a little walk for you. 
Once he was gone, you texted Maria and Cam about potentially going to brunch tomorrow morning. Then you sat in bed and took your time with the photo book from Bradley. Every page made you smile or feel like crying because you missed him. 
When you tried to put his wedding band on your thumb, it was still too big. So you unclasped the chain holding the charms he gave you, and you added it there. Then you took your melatonin and went to sleep.
----------------------------
Bradley was in line for dinner on Monday after a day of being roasted by Admiral Dean when he heard his name. "Bradshaw." He turned to see a man heading his way. "There's a free slot with an iPad if you want it."
"Now?" he asked, tossing his tray down and stepping out of line. 
"Yes. Your name was at the top of the list."
"Okay," he said, heart racing as he headed for the room onboard the aircraft carrier where he could finally talk to you. He was nervous. There were a million things he wanted to say, and he wished he had written them down. But it didn't matter. He was going to get to see your face. He could finally tell you the truth about how he had been feeling and how he was going to make things up to you. And he'd beg you to be honest with him, too. 
"Thanks," he muttered as he took the offered iPad and found an empty seat. He could hear other officers talking and laughing with their loved ones, and he smiled as he entered your phone number. The first thing out of his mouth was going to be how much he loved you. The second thing was going to be that the two of you would figure everything out when you were together again.
But Bradley counted each time your phone rang unanswered. Three... Four... Five.
You always answered when he called. Every single time. You answered when you were at work. You answered in the middle of the night. You answered when you were taking Tramp for a walk. 
Six... Seven.
And then the line went dead. You had ignored his call. 
-------------------------------
He bought that ring weeks ago. And I don't even know when he managed to sneak the gift into the drawer. And I don't know how they can fix this. Thanks to @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls
PART 11
@hotch-meeeeeuppppp
@swthxrry
@chassy21
@yaboid19
@solacestyles
@avoirlecoupdefoudre
@daisyhollyxox
@throwinsauce
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@hecate-steps-on-me
@xoxabs88xox
612 notes · View notes
satorisoup · 2 months
Text
ICK .ᐟ pt. 1 pt. 2
ft. bokuto, osamu, kuroo, atsumu, and akaashi.
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✉︎ incoming note from the writer .ᐟ
don’t take any of these seriously!! im slandering my own favs in this so dont worry, we suffer together teehee >:3
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ᰔ BOKUTO
this is my blorbo, and it pains me to say it but i just know this man has the worst body odor EVER on match days. it’s genuinely so bad. when he’s on the court with his beefy self sweating up a storm… YIKES i can smell him from here. don’t get me wrong he’s very hygienic and usually smells like a good cologne! but that deodorant is doing nothing when he’s playing volleyball. don’t go sniffing him after a game because you just might burn your nose hairs off.
ᰔ OSAMU
prefers when girls “don’t wear makeup”. yes, he thinks you always look adorable but he doesn’t hesitate to say he likes you better without it. says he likes a “natural girl”, but when you take your makeup off he’s automatically asking if you’re okay because “you look tired.”. PLEASE someone tell this man to hush up when it comes his dumb “preferences” because it just makes him look douchey.
ᰔ KUROO
he’s unfortunately a smart ass. do not try to get into arguments about ANYTHING with him because he’s automatically pulling up google to prove you wrong. and even when its HIM that’s wrong, he continues to try and make himself sound right. it could be about something so minuscule and he already has a wikipedia page open. “no that’s actually not true look-“ KUROO I LOVE YOU BUT SHUT UP! im just trying to talk about a damn bird i saw.
ᰔ ATSUMU
he’s really, really bad at giving gratuity to restaurant staff. he’s super nice to them, but he thinks a $5 tip should work fine on your 100$ check with multiple modifications to your order. he’s so used to his brother giving him free food at onigiri miya that he’s lost all sense of good percentages when it comes to the tip. at this point, cover the tip yourself and let him pay for the rest because he just doesn’t get it.
ᰔ AKAASHI
GRAMMAR POLICE. oh my god. please read over your text 10 times before you send it because he WILL find something wrong with it. even if it’s very obviously a typo, he’s correcting it before he even responds to your message. buy him a shirt that says “you’re*” on it because its his catchphrase at this point. want his help studying? think again. you’re basically going to be redoing everything you had done. you should really just let HIM do it.
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386 notes · View notes
notyashiro128 · 4 months
Text
Bunny suit
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husband satoru gojo x reader
Warning: smut (heavy smut), teasing, curse , smau.........
Note This one shot is long super long it took me a whole 5 days to finish and requests are open so ye
10:34am
At the house.
"Sweetheart, I'm going back to the office for a meeting, stay put, please." satoru stated, fixing his tie while looking at himself in the mirror. He wore a white shirt with a black suit, paired with his black tie and his black shoes. All you could say was he looked extremely attractive and sexy in it
"Staring is a bit rude~," He chuckled, making you shrug it off and reply, "Shut up, when are you coming home?" You inquired, making him think and check his phone for the schedule.
"Around 7:30 pm, why?" Saturo quirked an eyebrow at your question, as you never asked him things like this before. "Hm, I don't know." You teased, leaving the man perplexed. "Whatever this stunt is, I hope it doesn't get me in trouble."
He scowled, the usual aggressiveness getting into him as he overanalyzed your inquiry. "I'm heading to work now, love you." satoru pecked you on your cheek, making you nod. "I love you too, take care!" You bid your farewell, making him smile a bit.
The two of you'd been married for two whole years, and today was supposedly your anniversary, disturbed by his work. Sure, he didn't forget about it, but he really had to go to work , and since your home was far from his office, he had to go out early.
13:08pm
You decided to stroll out and see clothing you could wear once satoru gots home, and surprisingly, something immediately caught your eye.
A bunny suit?
You stared at it, amused by how good it looked from afar, detail by detail. Observing everything of it, you saw how expensive it was, and the detail explains it all. "This would be a great surprise for him," You pondered, smirking to yourself as you decided to buy it just for fun.
The material on both the tail and the bunny ears was soft, it was like how satoru described you. Cotton was soft, yet dangerously sharp, and that's how the clothing was in a way, it could catch anyone's eye. You went to the dressing room to try it on, seeing if it was worth buying.
Surprisingly, it seemed to fit your standards in clothing.
Its black cloth was smooth and silky, and the outer part was a soft plastic-like, malleable detail. The suit hugged your waist, and the stockings along with it revealed your flush thighs, making it outstanding to whomever would look.
Your chest was revealed slightly, and the lower part of the clothing hugged your ass well along with how it fits you, perfectly.
After all that, you decided for the last time, and bought it. Bringing it with you, driving your car home excitedly, as if this were a great, great surprise.
4:57pm
At the House
"Good afternoon, welcome back home." Your servant greeted you as you entered the manor, smiling at you and how happy you looked like coming back home, you nodded in response, making her know automatically that you meant to tell her 'good afternoon to you too'.
Quite immediately, you headed to your and Saturo's room, changing into the bunny suit to take pictures- and hell, you looked great.
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Flushed, you started to think about what you've done. Half of you was scared, and half of you... well, half of you were excited about whatever he had in mind for the both of you when he got home.
(At the dinner table) 19:24 pm
"itadakimasu" (いただきます), now you pick up your chopsticks and eat the food seated on your bowls. Just by the right timing, your husband finally arrived
Note: in your house, you have some maids (you don't like the maids but Saturo said you don't need to do the work so they come from 11 am to 8 pm, they do cleaning and sometimes cooking)
"Good evening, welcome back home" They all said in unison, but satoru didn't budge. He immediately sat beside you and gave you an intimidating glare, making you feel little beside him, as the both of you peacefully ate dinner. You were bothered, though. He's been eyeing you from time to time, as if he planned something out so thoroughly.
satoru is a man of his word, and though you'd catch him lying sometimes, whenever he says he'll do something, do expect that from him.
(After dinner the maids leaves)
8:14pm Your Room
After the maids left the house and you said goodbye to them, satoru called you to the room. When you went to the room, he was behind the door. He closed the door behind you You were standing behind the door with Satoru in front of you
"so hello my beautiful wife" he said playfully you were very shy, “Oh come on, you don’t even say hello"
"H-hello?" You reply in embarrassment, making him smirk more to himself.
"Now now, no need to be shy. But, didn't I tell you you're not getting away with it?" He giggled, face getting closer to yours as he walked closer to you, pinning you to the door you
"You sent those pics and never expected me to do something about it princess~ ?" He placed his hand on your cheek and raised your head to meet his
"ohh princess I asked you a question, and I want you to answer me." He starts tearing you,
"Yes... yes you did." You muttered lowly, face flushed.
"So, now, I want you to wear that suit again, and come back here~" He ordered, and you followed. It's not like you had a choice anyway, you provoked him to do this.
Again with the bunny suit, it hugged you even better now, as you actually tied it and fixed your stockings too. Now, it was your ass that looked perky with that. Shyly, you got out of the dressing room, spotting Satoru easily as he was waiting on the bed.
(I'm smiling as I write this helppppp)
His eyes scanned you up and down.hes getting hard again just by looking at you
"Looks better close," He stood up, walking closer to you, which in instinct, made you walk backwards. "You're gonna act all bratty now, yeah? Oh well, you're making it harder for yourself." Satoru teased, taking both of your wrists into one of his hands, pinning them to the wall.
This small action made you flinch and let out a sweet little sound, making his eyes widen in shock.
"O-oh, sorry." You apologized, making him click his tongue. "I want you to let out all your sweet noises, let me hear your voice." satoru whispered, his mouth getting close to your neck, sending shivers down your spine, and butterflies to your stomach.
Heck, you felt like you'd cum just by him being touchy, he knew all your sensitive and sweet spots.
He started kissing and sucking on your neck, making you whimper softly at the sudden contact with your flesh. You felt him smirk against your skin, adding more friction to what pleasure you felt. He started humming lightly to send vibrations to tickle you, this made you let out a moderately soft moan. and
"'toru.." You breathed out, making him suck harshly on your skin, finding your sweet spot, abusing it with his plums and soft lips abusing it with his plump and soft lips. "Ngh!" You lightly inhaled as Satoru's lips now left contact with your flesh, and he now let go of your wrists. He stared at your neck for seconds with a smirk, making you realize what he'd done.
"Only I can mark you up like this, and touch you like this." Satoru scowled in a low tone, making you catch he was serious at the moment. It only took a few seconds for him to look at the art that his lips had made Then He decided to put his blindfold over your eye
"You hear me, slut?" He pecked your lips, humming in signs he expected an answer, and so, you decided not to disobey for now. "Yes daddy," You close your eyes shut as he kissed you deeply, making the small kiss into a make out session, making sure he tasted every inch of your mouth.
His tasted like mint, it lingered around your teeth as he played with your tongue with his own, smirking onto the kiss to let you know he's up for this. He carried you to the bed, laying you down gently, not breaking the kiss any later. Satoru then started to massage your thighs, irritating your pussy with his hand slightly rubbing against it, forcing a mewl out from you.
"Mmh, good girl good girl ," He whispered right into your ears immediately after cutting the kiss off, you were struggling to breathe, which only riled him up more.
"Toru," You breathed out, yet it seemed he wasn't content with just that answer."no no be a good girl and call me daddy" He then brought a hand up to slap your thigh a bit harshly, "Ah, d-daddy" and man did it feel so good but hurt so bad. It stung for a while Satoru started touching your breasts. “They are perfect.” He pulled down some of the suit and started licking your boobs He wanted to put up hickeys on both of them You started moaning with every movement he made "Daddy, ahh!" You cried "Oh your boobs are that sensitive," he said that while playing with them after he made a lot of hickeys on them he went down
You held onto the sheets tightly, pulling it closer as you feebly sobbed, not in dread, but in impatience. Your pussy was burdened with need of attention, all aroused for his touch.
"That's it, just like that." He then lowered his face until it met your pussy, he rested your legs on his shoulders, his hands reaching out to the cloth of your suit to rip it.
It didn't help that you looked so cute under him, squirming around, just like what a bunny in heat would do. How ironic honestly.
Satoru teased you by caressing your core especially your perfect boobs with his thumb while gently licking on the rest of your pussy,like his last meal, cleaning up the wetness that revolved around your little tight pussy. His liquids made your area easier to access, making it even easy to insert his fingers in your pussy, and so he did.
He showed no mercy, and entered two fingers in, stretching you out so painfully good. Even though it's not the first time you two have done this together, both his fingers and his size will never be something you're used to.
You winced and whined in pain, making his smirk grow into a grin. "Take it, you fucking slut." He started to curl his fingers in, hitting a certain spot that made feel both pain and pleasure. you
Pain, for not being able to adjust to two fingers in, and pleasure for it being hit.
You let out a breathy moan, letting him know it felt good there—and by this, he started hitting it constantly. This made you let out sweet sounds he wanted to hear, him being pleased made it easier for you. Since that'd mean he'll not go full on, right?
Unexpectedly, your husband now is sucking on your pussy while his two fingers in it , the way you liked it, humming from time to time to send more friction (vibrations). The way you reacted was exactly how he imagined you would, the way he took you in his mouth, penetrating your core and your pinkish tight pussy at the same time; it made you feel like you're successfully in cloud nine.
"Nnh, 'toru- daddy, c-close..." You managed to moan out, getting the male's attention. He then glared at you and signed for you to do so, not stopping the movement of both his fingers and his tongue, even fastening. Not long enough, you finally cum
making Satoru giggle to himself.
Though you already had your release, that didn't stop sucking, and licking on your pussy It felt nice, painfully pleasuring. You squirmed under his hold, making him grip your thigh harshly with his free hand.
"Still, stay still." Satoru professed in a soft tone, making you nod and look at whatever he was doing. Slowly, he removed his fingers from your pussy, licking off the excess fluids on his fingers while licking off your release earlier, making sure it'll not go to waste.
"It's my turn~," Satoru mused as he sat down, tapping the bed lightly, more so telling you to sit up as well. You complied, however your arms and legs felt like jello. "You've been a good bunny, I think it's time you deserve a reward?" He pointed out to his cock, making your eyes glisten in awe.
You nodded and got on your knees on the floor, making his expression soften as he leans back to give you more access to his long member. (20-23 cm or even more)
Agonizingly slow, you sucked on his pink tip and caressed it using your hand. You heard Satoru groan in pleasure, making you a bit more confident about it. You then brought his length to deeper and slightly choked, but it was hard to adjusted his size in your small mouth.
"oh i see your small mouth can't take my big cock it that so ~" he teased you with that His hand snaked to reach your head, pulling on your hair to make you suck it deeper "take it~ all"
You tried you best to fit his cock in your mouth,He moaned, "Ngh, (y/n), you're so- haah- good," He threw his head backwards and got carried away by the pleasure, he started to move with your pace. You mewled on his cock, sending a vibration into his nerves, adding friction to how good he felt.
"Fuck, fuck, don't stop," He whined out. It only riled you up more, so you picked up your pace, smiling against his flesh as you sucked him off. You looked at Satoru in the eyes, and it seemed to catch him off guard. He was weakened by your movement, he couldn't pick up with your speed.
"Mmh! (Y/n), fuckkk-" He furrowed his brows as he groaned out your name. You could tell he was nearing. The twitching of his member said it all, and the way he tugged onto your hair said likewise. He started to let out breathy whines and moans, signalling you were doing well.
"Hngh... Good bunny," He muttered, his filling your mouth up with his cum. You swallowed, licking your lips and his cock clean- and due to his sensitivity, he whimpered at this.
Satoru carried you and pinned you to the bed, sucking on your nipples a bit harshly this time to tease you, going further below to mark your stomach by his kisses.
"Now tell me" With his hands, he pushed his hair away from his eyes ,he looked super super fuckig sexyy (OmG) "are ready to feel my cock inside of you princess?" He asked for softly,you could just cum by what he just said . You nod with a blush in your face
" a a a a a I wanna hear you ,say it" he smirked "I- want y-you inside of me," you said blushing. "Good girl taking care of me this whole 2 years"....
He then rubs your pussy with his tip trying to tease you "ok love here we go~" He started inserting his cock inside you slowly, then went a bit deeper, "Mmh, you're still so tight. I thought by now, you'd be used to this." He described how good you felt little by little, slowly picking up his pace on you.
the sound of skin slapping now echoed the room along with your soft whimpers and wet rare. He went it to go faster, gripping your waist as your legs practically hugged his waist. You were so needy, you didn't know what you were doing.
"A-aah, comin- ngh!" You struggled to form out words with your voice, ignoring his inquiry as you felt another knot tighten in your stomach. Satoru chuckled in between low grunts, "Hmm, look at you. So good for me, hnng-" He groaned in a flirtatious tone that sent you to the edge. You released around his cock with a whine, your soft and warm walls pulsating around him as he- saturo, only looked a tiny amount pleasured.
He fucked you through your orgasm, quickening his pace to chase his own high. You struggled to breathe, the pleasure was too much to handle, it started to convert to pain. "Ah-haah, daddy, toru, i-it hurts, please," Your pleads are ignored by him
"Ehh? I thought you could take it," He muttered, thrusting a bit slowly down ., your fingers weak as you tried to grip Satoru's shirt. Tears started to form by the corners of your eyes, it is both from overstimulation and desperation for his cock.
The pleasure was too much for you to handle, yet, something in your chest clangs and says you can't have enough of it.
"H-haah, com-coming, again," You feebly moaned, feeling a hand up your stomach. Your tears drenched the blindfold, but you're too busy focusing on the feeling of his thick long big cock buried in you, as you can't view anything he's doing. brows furrowed
"Shit, I-I'm coming, cumming cumming" Satoru quietly grunts,
----_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
After satoru cums inside of you he lay down next to you, sighing, “You were good, better than good.” He turned to you and hugged you." Let me rest for a while and I will take care of you I love you, i love you happy anniversary beautiful " he added you were smiling
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The end✨🦦
I think pt2 is after care yeah?
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ladykailitha · 15 days
Text
Not All That Glitters is Gold Part 17
This is the last chapter of this story. I do have the sequel halfway written and it will be most of the way, if not all the way done before I post the first chapter.
It's called "Everything I Ever Wanted" and will be four chapters, each based on a part of Steve's new life I wanted to highlight. Retirement, Steve's charity, the bonding and mating, and the birth of their first child and the fallout with his parents.
I will still keep the Glitters tag list for the sequel. I wouldn't normally, but it's such a little thing, it's just easier that way. If you want to be taken off the list for the sequel, let me know.
Here is Steve's happily ever after. As it should be.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16
****
Steve hated his heats before, but he loathed them now. Now he had an alpha he wanted to share it with, only they weren’t allowed to.
It was only a mini heat to clear out a minor faux bond and would barely last twenty four hours, but they would be the most miserable twenty four hours of his life and that included the twenty four hours after he learned he was infertile.
But Robin was the best handler in the business for a reason. The second his body temperature spiked, Xander and her got Eddie out and into her apartment, still in rut as he was.
Then she rebuilt Steve’s nest from scratch to perfection with the minor edition of Eddie’s handkerchief under his pillow.
The handkerchief plus, Eddie’s scent still sending out waves toward Steve’s apartment would help mitigate the absolute misery he would be in, but he still hated it.
Once all traces of the heat were out of his system, and his temperature going back to normal was Steve allowed visitors. Not even Robin was allowed inside his bedroom during his heats.
Though that was mainly because the poor omega was so pitiful and crying that a lot of handlers would be emotional wrecks afterwards.
Robin had made the mistake once when a heat came a week early due to some stress that was happening in Steve’s life and she was a sobbing mess the whole time he was in heat.
No one knew why the sight of an omega in heat drove betas to such an extreme emotional response, but the prevailing theory was that it was an evolutionary throw back to the pre-historic era so that betas would be moved to not take advantage of the omega in their most vulnerable time.
He showered and stepped out to his front room and smiled. Robin and Eddie were on the sofa waiting for him.
“Hey, princess,” Eddie murmured. “How are you feeling?”
Steve groaned and flopped down on the seat between the two of them. “Like I’ve been run over. The mini heats are the worst. Because you can’t prepare for them.”
“Especially since that was his first mini heat,” Robin commented dryly, “that automatically makes it worse.”
Eddie raised an eyebrow. “You don’t usually get mini heats?”
“Nope!” Steve said, popping the P. “Robin carefully curates my clients so that it’s never happened. I’ve experienced faux bonds before, the chemical bonding of scents instead of an actual bite bond. Those are common enough. But no, no mini heats for me.”
Eddie looked over at Robin who looked smug.
“Well that’s good then,” he said.
Steve nodded. He chewed on his lower lip and sighed. “I think we need to talk about the golden omega thing. It’s not possible, right?”
Robin and Eddie raised their eyebrows.
“Stevie,” Eddie said gently, “not only is it possible, it’s highly probable.”
Steve looked over at Robin and she nodded.
“Wait, what?”
“You don’t have to do anything about it now,” Robin said. “As long as you are a Starcourt escort you’ll spend your heats alone. And then if you want to get bonded to Eddie and have pups with him, walk away from the job and then mate.”
Steve went stock still as he mulled it over in his mind. Eddie and Robin exchanged concerned glances but stayed silent as Steve’s entire world view was shifted on its axis.
Starcourt had always treated Steve like he was special. It was one of the reasons his cherry popping was such a major event. His parents had sneered at the whole experience, but the agency had gone out of their way to make Steve feel safe in the process.
But to be a golden omega for real? And not just because Eddie wanted him to be special. Not that Eddie didn’t already think he was special, but this would cement how special Steve actually was.
He knew his parents would immediately come out of the woodwork to claim more money for being a golden omega, but it would also be the sweetest justice imaginable.
Because they could have gotten more from Steve’s omegahood and chose to throw him away like he didn’t matter. Only coming back when they needed more money.
“Explain it to me,” he whispered.
And they did. Robin leading the way with Eddie filling in spots where he thought Steve needed more clarity. When they were done Steve looked at Robin and said with tears in his eyes, “If I retire do I lose you?”
Robin’s lip quivered and she got up on her knees. She gently took Steve’s face in her hands. “No. Absolutely not. Yes, an omega escort has to be a handler’s top priority, but you are my best friend. My platonic soulmate, you’d have to murder me to get me to leave you. Do you understand?”
Steve nodded and then threw himself into her arms. Having to choose between the love of his life and his best friend would have been the hardest thing he would have ever had to do. But this made it easy.
They talked about it for a bit and ultimately it was decided Steve would retire when he turned thirty. It would give him a couple more years do a job he loved, but still give Eddie and him plenty of time to have pups.
“That’s a perfect solution,” Eddie agreed. “And I think the band will agree to a couple years break making music so we can all focus on our family lives.”
Steve’s omega chirped happily. Eddie chuckled and pulled him onto his lap. He nuzzled Steve’s scent gland and the omega chirped again.
“Look at you,” Robin said happily. “All content and comfortable. You just got every thing you could ever want, you lucky bastard.”
Steve grinned at her. “I am so blessed.”
Eddie blew a raspberry under Steve’s ear causing him to giggle.
“Eddie!” he protested, trying to push the alpha away, but Eddie did it again, this time on his cheek.
Soon they were wrestling and Steve ended up on the floor, looking up at a surprised Eddie.
“Rude,” Steve huffed as he got to his feet.
“Oops!”
Robin shook her head.
Eddie brought out Steve’s silly side and Steve let Eddie be himself. Apparently the universe knew what it was doing after all with these two.
****
The next three years passed by in a blur.
Chrissy had become the star Steve always knew she was. But of course, that meant her ex-boyfriend and her mother found out about her leaving the convent.
Steve was actually there to witness their faces, purple with rage showing up at some event she was at. The alpha actress she was with had to call security to get them removed.
Chrissy released a statement through the agency that spoke of her love of the job, the religious abuse her mother had put her through, and the love she thought was eternal with Jason turning to ash when she found out she couldn’t bear his children.
She spoke of the love that the sisters had shown her when her mother had dropped her off at the convent against the wishes of her father and her own. About how half of her cherry price went to those same sisters who had protected her from the wrath of her mother for years.
She spoke about how she found her people with Starcourt Services. How she had good friends, made good money, and how her father had supported her every step of the way. And how the other half of her cherry price would always be waiting for her if she ever wanted to leave. Something that after some serious soul searching she knew would not be for a long, long time.
Chrissy’s story burst open a scandal that had been the Church’s best kept secret, that a third of the omegas that came to them after learning they were infertile were brought there against their will by religious extremist parents not wanting their omega child to live their own lives.
Max and Lucas finally announced they were bonding after Lucas played his first game in the NBA as the first omega point guard for the Indiana Pacers, having won their law suit.
With Steve retiring, Robin was going to be Chrissy’s handler. Robin hadn’t lasted with Vickie due to them wanting different things out of life. Robin loved her job, but Vickie wanted more of her time to be focused just on her, something Robin wasn’t willing to do.
Tommy had been kicked out of the agency after he had a very public fight with his ex-girlfriend, Carol. He was supposed to be escorting Billy Hargrove but had found him in a bathroom with known omega starlet, Heather Holloway, his dick in her.
Carol had thrown it in his face that he couldn’t even get wandering Billy Hargrove to stay still long enough. Tommy had thrown hands and Starcourt had thrown him out.
Last Steve heard he was working as a pre-school teacher, barely making a tenth the amount he was at Starcourt. But he had found an alpha and they were happy together, satisfied for the first time in his life.
Jonathan was pregnant with Nancy and his second child. Steve was actually happy for them when they announced it.
Eddie’s band was topping the charts and had done a couple of tours. Steve had missed him, but with work keeping him busy, they were able to keep up a healthy communication.
Elinor and Gareth had decided to bond. Elinor knew that she would never reach the heights of Steve or Chrissy so when the last of her cherry price had been paid, she left the agency to be a rockstar’s wife.
Steve couldn’t wait to spend his first heat with Eddie. What was even better was the fact that Eddie’s rut had synced up with Steve’s heat and everyone knew to stay away for that week.
Their bonding and wedding ceremony was the talk of the town, Steve and Eddie surrounded by all their friends and loved ones. The whole Party was there.
Steve had taken preemptive measures against his parents, knowing that they would try and get more money from him, once Eddie and Steve announced that they had gotten pregnant.
He had a protective order ready to spring into affect the moment they tried anything. Lawyers on speed dial, and security on standby.
He had the life he had always dreamed of. A soulmate who would bond him and give him the pups he so desperately desired, who loved and cared for him like no one in his life could match. Robin came close. Because of course she did. Maybe not more or less than Eddie, but different.
And when that first little one came to loving and adoring parents, Steve knew that regardless if Dustin was omega, alpha, beta, or infertile Eddie and Steve would love him and support him no matter where he chose to go in life.
And that was the perfect ending to Steve’s story, he thought. Eddie couldn’t help but agree.
****
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saint-siren · 28 days
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A World For Her Alone | Sisyphus
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16
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cw (chapter specific): child neglect, very vaguely implied forced prostitution, death, abuse, poisoning, suicide, mentions of pregnancy and childbirth, arranged marriage, infidelity
pairing: claude x fem!reader
summary: we take a brief intermission from claude's suffering to examine what the fuck is wrong with reader's family
author's note: me and my husband we're sticking together🎵
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Claude lingered around your parents’ manor like a ghost after you died. In the middle of the night, every night, he found his way to your bedroom, standing at the foot of the bed you’d died in, remembering the shape your body formed in the sheets. The room still smelled of your blood and sweat, though the room had been cleaned up by the maids as soon as your body was taken out of the room. Your absence was starker than your presence. After the funeral, Diana expressed that she wanted to go home, heavily implying she would leave if he came with her but Claude was no longer beholden to her wants. He had no reason to care whether she came or went.
He was wielding grief as the knife he held up to cut deeper into himself in hope that if he only suffered enough, his hands would wash clean of your blood. But in the end, he had already decided to live, if only because he could do nothing else. Morbid thoughts plagued him, swirling around his head like unquiet spirits begging him to give in. He thought perhaps he should cause his own ruination and this time, live with it. He thought he should make for certain that both of your houses are set aflame and collapsing on top of the lot of you, to bury and burn your sycophant parents, his helplessly selfish wife and even his own child. He thought that nothing should be spared from complicity. He knew not anymore if he truly believed that it would save you, or if this was what some divine terror was willing him to do even still, but he began to long for punishment. It became catharsis, the thought of being punished.
He roamed through the house you grew up in, searching for any trace of you that survived, as if some inkling of you would help him to save what had already been lost too many times. Even so, it was automatic for him at this point, no longer even really a choice. He had no direction, only frantic need pulling him toward the doomed task. He was trying to get to the dregs of a goblet of wine which never ran dry, he kept drinking until he was sick but never satisfied, never finished.
Your parents’ manor was an eerie place, he’d always thought. Wind blew in from an opened window in the hall and the house seemed to breathe, and its hollow bones creaked softly. Despite her gentle ultimatum, Diana could not actually follow up on it, she must have known that but she believed better of him at the time and thought that everywhere she went, he would follow her like a lovestruck teenager again. There were things to be done at manor that she could not neglect as its lady even if he chose to neglect his own duties. She had come into her own as a marchioness, no longer the shy and unassuming lady that lay in bed sick day in and day out. She would not leave the territory without management though he knew she desperately wanted him to come back home. She seemed dazed to return home without her husband for that purpose, for the lament of a sister she had infinitely more right to grieve so egregiously. Even after all those years, the silly girl was only just beginning to grow aware of the disparity of marriage.
Somehow he felt it was hard for her to reconcile that she wasn’t a precious young lady anymore. Even as he was mired in a pool of half catatonic grief, she dared ask him to leave with her because she truly expected he would do so if she did. Had she not grown out of the habit of expecting to be near worshiped no matter what that her parents instilled her? He remembered how she was after your funeral, when he was sitting in the dark of a guest room. She had come to him, tried to hold him, to kiss him; believing all this would be a comfort and not a further indignity. She’d had arrogance enough to look hurt as he pulled her from him and recoiled from her touch. She must have still believed she was the cure to all ills because she was once more in a house where she was always treated as though she truly were.
He found his way to the library where you’d spent much of your life, if Felix’s word was truth. He brushed his fingers along the spines of the books, looking for the one that he left his missive in, the one Diana read and did not want understand. He searched through the categories of books that contained subjects you three would have studied together as he could not remember which particular book it was, but even after pulling all the books and flipping through the pages, he couldn't find the letter. He wondered if you had ever even set eyes on it once before Diana got to. Had it been your catalyst to run away? Had you read the note and understood that the effort of trying to be happy at his side was a fool’s errand? Was he again the cause of your downfall?
As he gave himself to thought of you, he continued looking through your family’s collection of books. It was all fairly standard and even a bit utilitarian, lacking any of the fanciful novels so beloved by many young nobles. He assumed if there were any, they’d be in Diana’s room because they’d be bought for and read by her alone. But there was something that struck him as he roamed around the shelves, his eyes scanning aimlessly for a book that looked as if it had been perhaps been misshelved. It was subtly tucked into the highest shelf but it still stood out to him eventually among droll guides, needlework books and encyclopedias emblazon with gold lettering. It was hastily bound looking more like a journal and it was worn, unlike the rich and well maintained leather of the other books and it was small, leaving a wide gap between the top of the shelf and the top of the book. Its spine did not read a title.
When he pulled the book, he understood what it was. Its title read “The Princess and The Knight,” signifying it was some common, tawdry romance novella. Still, he began to read it, the absurdity of its place in a house so heavy and serious intriguing him. Could this book have belonged to you? Could it have been an escape for you who was locked firmly out of girlhood when you were only just betrothed? When he’d read the title, his mind flashed with the memory of your face as Felix’s body fell into the dirt in front of you. He remembered how fiercely Felix had protected you even in this life. The rage and grief in his voice when he came for retribution. Though he knew you were ever dutiful and if there was love between you and Felix, it was never more than courtly, maybe you had seen this book and it had reminded you of some place where it could be more.
The story revolved around the love affair of a princess from a bloodline with an affinity for magic fleeing her country at wartime and being assigned a knight from the neighboring kingdom she sought refuge in. The two began a passionate and sanguine love affair in secret, all while living under of the tension of war and the threat of both of them losing everything to their love. But when the war was won, thanks in part to the wits of the two characters, and peace spread over the kingdom, she and her knight were able to be wed and live happily ever after. He had been searching for you in the pages, interpreting the knight and the princess, looking for traces of a love you might have had once. He had been looking for you so closely in every word that he hadn’t realized the grander scale of things until the end; when he flipped over the last page to read the epilogue, on the blank side of the page he saw a sketch. 
The drawing was finely, intricately done in ink and resembled…Diana. The owner of this book had drawn Diana so vividly, yet there were a few differences in the likenesses of the two. This woman had long spools of curly hair spilling over her shoulders and a mole near her gently smiling lips. She was older than Diana must have been when the book was written. She looked like the heroine that had been described in the novel. For some reason, he found himself fixated not in awe or admiration but in mind numbing shock. He could feel the love that went into each stroke of the pen and a knot formed in his stomach the longer he stared. It was uncanny in a house like this, to find anything that should mark vulnerability or simple folly. He recalled an occasion where your father had gifted her a portrait he’d made of her and their daughter. Though two different mediums, the style looked so similar. From what Claude saw, it seemed that your father seldom made art of anyone but Diana. Your father surely had not been so passionate about a throwaway romance that he had ignored his bias and poured so much love into an image of the heroine.
The only one who could be so brazen as to have a romance novel among his books wherein which they lovingly drew an almost intimate image of a woman, worn with the spine slightly bent from being handled so many times— not even properly hidden away, would be your father. Your father who paraded his illegitimate child, born from a mistress. The revelation gave him pause. What did Claude truly know about Diana? He couldn’t remember having ever asked her if she’d known her mother because she so resolutely accepted the countess as her only mother. But this woman sketched onto the page of a well loved romance, was this her mother? She looked as if she could be. Portraits of Diana hung in exposed parts of the house, he did not seem to care that the custom of having an illegitimate child was to have them separate from one’s “official” family, to not love a child born of one’s own lust so openly. Even if one had a particular love of their mistress and child, he would simply put them up in a nice mansion close enough for him to come and go but your father had your mother raising his illegitimate child. He celebrated her birthdays lavishly and even allowed her to go to the academy. He absolutely refused to hide her, to show shame in her. So why was this woman Claude presumed to be Diana’s mother who was clearly beloved by him even now, shut up in the back of a romance novella?
A thought occurred to him then, that perhaps the otherworldly force pulling him into Diana, entangling him in her was not otherworldly at all. Perhaps it had not originated in him alone as some primordial curse formed around him before there even was a him. He thought of just how besotted he was with Diana the first time he met her in each life, how the greater part of him felt foreign. He thought of your mother’s unusually devoted love for a child that wasn’t her’s, a product of her husband’s disloyalty. Something inside him thought that the answer lay at Diana’s feet. In her very blood, he was convinced, was the answer. 
Such a tenderly written romance, signed with a carefully drawn illustration of the woman who could be Diana’s mother. The part of “The Princess and The Knight” which struck him so was the bit about the princess possessing capacity for magic. It was not mentioned much nor utilized greatly in the plot but it made an impression. Magic users had decreased over the years, their powers waning until they were unheard of entirely. To anyone else who read the novella, it must have given the story to a bit of fantasy but to Claude, it was almost uncanny. He could not take it for an unassuming romance. To him, the story hid some truth under its veneer, for it was no coincidence that the princess resembled Diana so and that it ended up under the same roof as her, worn with years of eager hands flipping back over the pages. The princess’ power was never described in detail but if she were based on a real woman, then perhaps she had something to do with his situation.
He might’ve gone to Diana right then for answers but he feared his body might be taken over again at any time. He did not want to see her, did not want to feel the familiar paralysis of affection reaching up through his body. He did not want to see himself bed her again while the memory stood frozen in his eyes. Each time he saw her after he’d been set free, he’d worried that it would happen again. That his body would betray his mind and he’d never find anything of substance to end the cycle of misery the two of you shared. And he was committed to the task of trying, even if he could never succeed. He was ready to succumb to the greater sense of careworn madness he found in you.
He decided to explore the unattended corners of your home further, thinking there would be— must be more. If ever Diana’s mother had lived here, someone left a trace that he intended to find. He might’ve asked your father directly but as much as he was a lickspittle, something told him that your father would be afflicted by the same paralysis of mind that he had when he belonged to Diana. Unable to share the love he held for her but unable to hide it either, culminating in a pathetic sort of half-baked defensiveness. He wasn’t likely to get anything out of that, even you hadn’t been able to get anything out of him when he was like that. Worse still, he might try to cover up all that he kept that ever indicated Diana’s mother had lived there once, that she had a name and a face. And then what?
No, it was better this way. Better to find it all before he got the chance to hide any of it.
Your parents were still in the house, seemingly without intention of asking him when he was going to leave but there was still a bit of anxiety in the air when they entered the room. He could tell that they very much wished for him to return to their daughter and make her happy again as she was destined to be. It was awkward that their son-in-law had a longer bereavement than your sister did. But still being the cowardly sycophants they were, they could not ask him to leave for her sake—only “encourage” him by tossing out little updates on Diana. “Diana and our grandchild miss you very much,” “Diana takes ill so easily when she works so hard, we should hope you’ll be well enough to go back to her soon,” “Diana sends her love and wants you to know she’s there for your sake.”
Claude wouldn’t care if Diana’s life hung by a thread and he was all that could spare her, frankly and he brushed off all responsibility in favor of giving himself to his task. It was shameless, he knew, but he’d given up everything inside of the barren, hollow shell of his self to save you. It was a task that had already and would yet again supersede death, birth and the enveloping void he fell backward into each time his life was ended. He waited until they inevitably visited Diana, likely to calm her worries with lukewarm supplications about his grief, to go searching in the other parts of the house uninhibited. For, even if the servants were to tell their lord and lady, he’d already have looked through every corner he intended before they’d have a chance to move things around to better hide them.
He started with Diana’s old room. When he walked in, he was surprised to find it was left exactly as childish as it had been when she was only a young miss. Just the scent of the air turned his stomach, heavy and cloying with a pungent smell of medicine that was still sitting on her night stand in a small white bottle. He frowned as something fell clumsily into place. It hit him like the stray sour note of a violin. He recognized the bottle. Where did he last see this bottle?
For how preoccupied he was with the revelation taking slow form, he did not realize that Felix had entered the room until he heard the distinctive sound of a sword unsheathed. He did not turn.
“Felix.”
“Lord Claude,” Felix acknowledged, his voice struggling to keep its softness. “I might’ve known you’d be here. You truly cannot help yourself, it’s like a sickness.”
“Yes, it is very much like that,” Claude agreed easily. “But I’m not here for what you imagine I am.”
“I’m not so sure it matters, my lord.” Felix’s voice was flat.
“Nor am I. But I need you to let me live just as long as it takes for me to make sense of this.”
Felix went quiet for a moment but nothing about the situation made Claude think it was because the knight was going to hesitate. On the contrary, he was sure that his sword would swing just as neatly. “Do you know where I found my lady chained up, my lord? There are places, you know, that they bring women who had no other place to turn. You must know. You were at her side every night when we brought her back, you saw what toll it took. You saw what had been done.” Felix took a shallow breath. “You’re asking me to spare you so that you can make sense of whatever it is your farce of a marriage is built on? When my lady was given no such pardon? I know you’re the head of your house now, honored knight of the crown and you must think yourself above your treatment of others but I assure you, this will be the last time you ever assume so.”
Claude held still, his voice firm even as fear raged through his body. It was not fear for his life or of Felix’s wrath, it was the fear of failing, yet again, to make any movement in saving you. “I know how you think of me, Felix. I know that I have failed my wife. I know that I deserve to die here and now but even so, I can’t.”
“That is no problem, I’ll do it for you.”
Claude smiled joylessly to himself at the devout knight’s words. How could you have been judged so harshly in that life for wanting to run away with him when he so clearly had a loyalty akin to love for you? “You don’t understand. You cannot possibly. But answer me this, do you know who Diana’s mother is?”
The question puzzled Felix but he stood resolutely, ready at any moment to fell Claude’s head. “Everyone else in this household has care for Lady Diana. My duty was to serve my lady, I was the only one and I did not ever lapse. You’re asking the wrong person.”
“Felix, I do not ask for my wife’s sake. I know how this will sound but I’m trying to find out just what exactly it is that Diana holds over me and everyone else. I’m trying to figure out what exactly she is. You have seen it, haven’t you? The disparity between how people treat my wife and how they treat your lady. Do you think it natural to love a daughter born from an affair more than one’s own?”
He heard Felix laugh bitterly. “You believe her to be a succubus? Is that your excuse?”
“No. I believe her to be something worse.” Claude laughed as well, though his was more hysterical than anything. “She rules everything, Felix. Even in death. No, especially so in death. I have lived this life many times. I have died and returned back to the day that I first met her at the tea party. And when I do, I am taken over by her. It feels like love at first, it really does. But then intrusion. And then a curse. It is a cycle of death and resurrection, for myself and for the lady.”
Felix was silent and Claude continued on. “In one such life, she ran away with you, you know. It was raining the night we found you two. You were holed up in some abandoned cottage out there in the countryside, the one with the patches of white clover in the yard and a missing shingle on the roof.”
“What are you saying?” Felix’s voice wavered with near disbelief at the picture he painted but he held firm.
“My knights killed you where you stood and took the lady back to my manor. Your betrothed visited her. She had asked to speak to the woman who had been responsible for your death. She told me you two had planned to get married once the lady and I were finally married and settled in. She could not even mourn you properly because you were compelled to run away with the lady and killed.”
It is clear that Felix still thought Claude had lost his mind but what shocked him was the truth seeded into his madness. How could he have known the intimate arrangements of their betrothal and marriage when even their families had not known the cause for delay? This was not knowledge he could send an errand boy to fetch him nor an illusion he couldn’t hope to keep up, this was lived. It was memory.
“What does that have to do with Diana?” Diana was more likely a seductress than a sorceress in Felix’s opinion. Such a thing as a time loop, how could a girl so weak and childish create something like it?
Claude turned slightly, slowly toward him. “I don’t know yet myself. That is what I seek to find out. So that I can perhaps end it, for the lady at least. I don’t need anything Felix, not Diana, not my child, not my house. All I need and want is for the lady to stop suffering. I only beg you not to hinder me. When the time comes, I swear I will die on my own.”
Felix had no idea what to make of it all. Much of what Claude said seemed stilted, frantic and half thought. Yet he could not help but feel there was a certain sincerity to be had even in the worthlessness of Claude’s promise. And in any case, he was not entirely unfamiliar with the concept that Claude explained but all that it implied, he was not ready to believe. He sheathed his sword again finally and Claude turned to face him with the medicine bottle in hand. “Have you any idea why this would be in Diana’s room? It’s medicine that the lady took before.”
Felix’s eyes widened slightly in surprise. “It’s used to treat severe infection. It’s not supposed to be used by just anyone who gets ill. Lady Diana should not have needed that medicine, it would take effect like poison if not administered to someone battling a harsh infection. The doctor sent one of the servants to fetch it in town.”
“Yes, but this bottle is dusty, it’s mostly emptied out and the liquid inside it has congealed. It’s been sitting here for years. The medicine inside is aromatic. It has a distinct smell, doesn’t it? The lady’s room still reeks of it even with the windows opened up. Every time I went into Diana’s room when we were young, I smelled it, I tasted it. That means she was not only taking medicine she did not need but taking it regularly.” Claude said aloud, more to himself than to Felix who had bristled at the way he implied he and Diana were. “Was she…ever even sick?”
“Of course she was. Perhaps madame gave her the wrong medicine. She would not have poisoned herself, far be it from me to defend her but she did not desire to be sick. She seemed to envy the lady for her health, as she saw it.”
“…it was the lady’s mother who administered this medicine?” Claude questioned as new pieces fell together in his mind.
“I only know that the madame came to Lady Diana before bed to give her medicine. I do not know that it was that medicine, I did not see it.” Felix paused. “What is the significance, my lord?” He asked, annoyance creeping into his tone at the extensive talk of Diana.
“I intend to find out.”
He had wished to creep into the madame’s bedroom quickly and easily but the door was locked so they’d needed to fetch the key. Claude was shocked at the amount of sway he had over the servants of a house he was not a part of for the head maid simply handed over the key when he asked for it, albeit hesitantly as though she thought she might be scolded for doing so. When he took in the room, it was tidy and rather plain by aristocracy standards. The room seemed to have a chill about it, there was a draft somewhere that made it feel colder than the other rooms.
He began to pick carefully through her things, looking in every corner of the room for anything hidden. It was all mundane, droll and typical until he reached the last drawer of a dresser that was locked. Sure enough, nine bottles of unopened medicine neatly lined into rows of three. When he tried to pull the drawer out all the way and see what more he could find, it was caught on something that had been pressed against the top. Claude reached in to feel for it and pulled down what looked to be a simple leather bound, worn and yellowing journal.
Immediately he began to read. He was a bit startled at himself when he realized that he was eager to read the contents of his mother-in-law’s mind. He wanted to know how she saw you. How she justified treating you the way she did to uplift a child that was not her’s. A pitiful part of him just wanted there to be reason. He wanted cause for the rift in the relationship. He needed to believe there was a because to your suffering.
But what he read was not as he suspected. In neat, small lettering on the first page, it chronicled her life back to when she had been perhaps 19 years old but it was dated some ten years later. A reflection on her younger self written seemingly less as a journal and more a memoir.
“The princess had always been so gracious a mistress that even her tasks sounded like gifts.
When it was her time to return to her duties in her own kingdom, she resigned to it with great grace. However, she understood that the opposite would be true of her beloved knight. This fragile man only smiled in her company, protected her with wild fervor and once told her that he felt divinely guided to her. That to him, she was the symbol of god’s forgiveness and in serving her, loving her, he saw his life’s purpose. Oh, the princess lamented to me how dark a life her knight had lived, how the blood he shed as a knight haunted him with guilt. How his father had been of a violent sort in his efforts to transform his only living child into a knight of some worth to bring more prestige to their house and in his efforts to vent his own turmoil over his wife taking up with men of far more money, status and legacy than he. Her knight resembled his mother and so became the target of the ire he could not give his wife for the great protection being a mistress to such men afforded her. His mother knew what his father did, she did not care so long as it were not her. My heart came to soften for him too, the more she told me.
He had been a quiet man, shy and quite unknowingly sweet for his reputation as a ruthlessly skilled knight. He opened up to my princess like a flower toward the sun. He loved her so madly that she knew even though it was inevitable, he never intended to be where he could not protect her and stand at her side. The princess feared that their duties as princess and heir to a county respectively would give way to the knight’s devotion. She feared he’d kill himself trying to reunite with her or simply deteriorate under the burden of his own isolation but her own life was dedicated to more than just one person. It was her nation, her home of people waiting to see her return that she could not abandon. So in her stead, she asked me to stay in the kingdom and marry him. To give him a countess and to keep watch of him for anything he might do to interfere in both their duties.
It was a great honor she had given me entrusting someone so precious to me and given me a title higher than that I had been born with, I still feel that way now but I was foolish then and I did not understand the nature of what I was being asked to do. Nor would I until after it was already done.
You see (and it does, still pain me to even write such a silly thing), I did, at the time believe that I would become close to my husband. I viewed it as a matter of course, for I was far from a home I could never return to and he had no one. We were, for each other, the last traces of the princess. Though I could never think to hope for the kind of love that he gave to the princess, I believed that commonality could be nurtured into love or kinship. I wished for someone to turn to as my heart was sinking faster than a stone the longer I spent from my home. I believed it would happen. I believed he would become someone to lean on.
Though the first months of our marriage were cold, I managed to coax him into trying to have children as was our duty. I saw this as progress both in the way of our relationship as well as keeping him from the princess. I viewed even our coldness then as a sign of something beginning. It was only once, afterward, I think he worked very hard so that I would not ask him to do it again. But even so, I found that I was with child soon. I was a stupid girl then, I believed a child was what we needed to grow closer. I brought this news to him with a smile, I must have looked like an idiot.
My husband’s expression, I can never forget it. He was horrified at this revelation. He looked at me as though I’d announced a death. He looked at me as though I had wounded him. Then his beautiful eyes sparkled with unshed tears and his expression reverted to a weak, helpless smile as he said all the right things in his wavering voice.
It was then that I realized he would never love me. He was horrified at having a child with me, it was sheer terror and dread on his face when I told him. Perhaps he thought that I would not become pregnant at all, he would have preferred it that way. I hadn’t the relationship with him to truly comfort him, to know intimately what he feared about my child. I was useless in that way.
Through the following months, my apprehension was near unbearable. I kept feeling my stomach sink in dread, I kept waking up thinking that I would be home. I kept thinking that I had done something irreparable but I could think of nothing which was actually within my control. Therefore, when I finally gave birth, my relief that it was done with was greater than my joy. But that was alright with me because I had intended to deal with things in my own way."
From there, she went on to describe her rigid attention to being a diligent countess for a few droll pages. But at last, Claude came to another thing of significance. Your father had been summoned to court for political matters regarding the civil unrest which had not been quelled with the end of the war. Your mother could not follow him and leave a newborn alone so she had no choice but to simply trust in your father. She would come to regret that.
"My princess appeared like a bolt out of the blue months later. She was dressed as a peasant and had a somewhat bashful smile on her lips. Although I had missed her, all that I could think in seeing her was, "She should not be here."
But we brought her to the study so that presumably, she would tell us why she had returned when she had surely sworn that she could not. She took off her cloak and then I understood without her needing to tell me. I saw a little bump on her otherwise thin body and I was overcome. When my husband had returned to court, he had not been officially permitted to see my princess but they had met anyway and she was now with child. She had waited until she was just about to start beginning to show in order to take leave from court on the pretense of recovering from illness at her villa in the countryside.
I had been given the task of minding him but I had clearly failed. I should have gone with him no matter what. I should have taken the chance and left my child so that I could have prevented this. But my princess looked at me as faultless and took my hands in hers to assure me that she regretted nothing. She comforted my husband who apparently also knew nothing about this pregnancy until then. She knew his fears like the back of her hand, she knew exactly how to soothe them as I hadn't. He did not even have to speak. She simply knew.
Until then, I had not known that my husband dreaded having children for fear they would be cursed and afflicted with the same moral decay that his own parents had; and because he feared that having a child would bring the same thing out of him. Even if I had known, the princess was the perfect one to comfort him. She asked him if he believed a child born of her could be wicked and of course, he said no. She spun such sugary images of their child together for him with her eyes shining with joy. She told him that their child was special, that she did not fear him becoming a parent like his own because their child would change everything about being a father for him. It surely helped that my princess was glowing as she said such things, that the excitement radiating off of her grew stronger with each passing moment. He could not deny her, could not bring himself to contradict her words because he would always believe in her even if he did not believe in himself.
It went unsaid that the princess would be entrusting the child to the both of us. I had much apprehension about taking care of two babies rather than one and the secrets to be kept piling up above me but I could not complain, it had been my job for years to make everything work. I could not stop then when my princess needed me most. In any case, her presence in the manor brought life to a place that had become so eerie to me. She was the only flame in the dark and we were huddled around her, trying to preserve an ounce of warmth within ourselves. She was joyful through her pregnancy, she could not stop talking about the baby she was to have. The more she chattered, the more excited I became too as though I had any right to be. This was true of my husband too, who tentatively felt the kicks of his child and smiled, genuinely smiled as the princess did. I could see that he loved that child.
She slept in the master bedroom with him, after he left each day, I went in to help her get ready for the day. It was though I was still her maid and I suppose I wanted to be, would rather be that than a wife. But I could not bring myself to complain. I was not unlike my husband, I viewed my duties to the princess as somewhat sacred. I was as honored as I was anxious to raise the child.
On the day Diana was born, my husband was at my princess' side the entire time, as though he could protect her as her knight again. I could only marvel at him. When I had given birth, he stood at the foot of the bed stiffly and asked me what I intended to name our daughter, if I was alright and then told me that if I needed anything to have the butler prepare it at once. After Diana was born, my princess was still beautiful, perhaps even more so in her vulnerability. She held the most beautiful baby I had ever seen, close to her chest as my husband looked down at the both of them with sheer joy. It was as though all the happiness in the world existed between those three. My Diana had been born out of love and so it was easy to love her.
I left my own daughter to the maids in favor of caring for Diana when the princess rested. Her little ruby eyes and her head of soft blonde hair captivated me. Each coo or cry had my focus in a fraction of a second.
I had not yet considered the greater implications of her birth until my princess brought it to me. Diana had been born with an inordinate affinity for magic. The princess, as a member of the royal family had the capacity of a mage, it was kept secret through the death of magic that through her bloodline were those capable of miracles. I only knew after years of my proximity to the princess. This child, born in the time of civil unrest, when the queen had not yet been blessed with a child and the civil war had still bitterly divided the houses, was capable of being seen as a potential figurehead that could be used as a pawn in a new round of rebellion.
It was for me and my husband to put her above all things. Above even our own child. That, to me, went without saying for I did love Diana as my own daughter. But the princess knew that anything could happen and she used all of the strength of her magic to cast a spell over her that would be held with Diana's own great magic. My princess nearly expended all her energy to do so. Magic, she had once told me, was seen as a weak form of power because it relied so greatly upon emotion. It was the transformation of want into will. I knew not the details of the spell which bound my mistress' daughter. All my princess said was that her precious Diana would live happily, that for all the odds against her, she still had odds in her favor."
Claude felt numb as he turned the pages. He was in shock, suddenly the environment of the room felt too harsh and stimulating but he was glued to the journal. He could not dare stop reading it no matter what truths arose. So he flipped the page and read every single entry even as his hands trembled.
From then on, it was Diana, Diana, Diana. With each entry, she recorded a measurement which he assumed was the amount of medicine administered and her symptoms. She fretted over whether it was right to give her more or to give her less. She wrote about denying Diana's requests to go outside, to go to the theatre, to do much of anything besides stay in bed. It chilled him to the bone but more than that, perplexed him. He was staring at a page where your mother had seemed to write sloppily, hurried and anxious when he heard a voice.
"Lord Claude?" It was your mother, standing in the doorway.
He looked slowly up at her, at a loss for words and unable to reconcile the cold mother she was to you with her joy at being Diana's proxy mother. Unable, still, to understand why she was poisoning the daughter she loved so much.
"My lord, you should not be in here," she said softly but in her blank expression, it was apparent that she knew what he was there for. "It will look strange to others, for you to do something like this."
"You poisoned Diana," He was keenly aware of how delicately she was trying to dance around this subject but he was unwilling to indulge her.
Your mother did not even blink. "You must understand me, Lord Claude. Please understand."
"What is there to understand? You neglect your own daughter and fawn over your husband's illegitimate daughter only to poison her."
Your mother shook her head slowly as if she could not believe what he was implying. "I love that girl," she said, moving deeper into the room and shutting the door behind her. "Diana is my little princess. She is my only daughter."
A rush of rage ran up his body, carrying an unbearable desire to hurt her. "She's not your daughter at all. She's the daughter of a woman far more beloved than you."
But your mother could only smile helplessly. "Yes, but even so, she is my daughter in heart. You must trust me when I say that Diana was hopeless before."
"Hopeless?" His brow furrowed and a cold feeling creeped up his back, extinguishing his fury and replacing it with a kind of fear for the woman in front of him. "She wasn't hopeless, she was able to wed me, to live happily." He said it not as a defense of her but as an accusation.
"That poor girl. In the first place, she already had a weak constitution, because her magic was stronger than her body but it was the perfect excuse to keep inside and away from the eyes of those who would want to hurt her. But it was my eldest daughter who kept planting false hope in her. She even sent Diana before my husband to beg him to let her go to the academy because she knew very well he could not say no to her." There was venom in her voice, a sneer on her face. Claude rose to stand slowly, not knowing what he was going to do.
"He cannot say no to Diana because he loves her so, no, he loves her mother so," she sighed. "All the other one did was cause troubles. Diana had already given up but she roused such hope in the girl, false hope, cruel hope. If she had not been able to marry you...I do not know how we would have protected her. If my daughter was still alive, everything would be ruined. It was you who saved her, my lord. That is why I beg of you, don't judge me. You know that Diana is special. You must know."
"I did not want to save her, she did not need to be saved."
She remained with that pitiful smile on her face. "My husband is weak to her. He will...he will never forgive what I've done to our- his little princess. He won't understand. He will think that I have killed my princess. You know, he almost sees them as one in the same." She reached onto her desk, picking up a letter opener. "Diana will be hurt if she knows. I ask that you let the girl live her life believing as I told her. She deserves that much. I let her believe what I did because it was in her best interest. Please take care of her."
Before he could react, your mother plunged the sharp end of the letter opener into her throat.
tags: @kage-tobiuo@kreishin @rosephantomhive@yeahdrarry@splaterparty0-0 @dear-dairiesss @qluvrv @hafsuhhh @eissaaaa @ayolk @doan-19 @fourcefulcupid@ariachaos@cerisearan@irisspade@yaesflorist@jcrml@xiaosprettygf@yevenly@amaris08atoshi012022 @obsessed-with-a-fictional-man @softbummiee@cassanderasblog @waka-babe @bananatwirl@s1mp69 @mitsuyamistress @hottiewifeyyyy @reiko69 @syyyy4ever @pinkpastel-l @dododododooosworld @gwyneveire @mvoonxlightv @noisyenthusiastface @coldpeachkitten @brightykitten @worstliving
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cultofsappho · 10 months
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Ive come to the realization that the reason theres a small but loud group of people who are showing nothing but hate for the rwrb movie is because they have completely unrealistic expectations. People are forgetting that this is a cheesy romantic comedy, thats supposed to look and feel like a cheesy romantic comedy. This isnt going to be moonlight or gods own country or some other critically acclaimed, oscar nomintaed queer film that makes straight people go "hmm maybe they do deserve rights and respect🤷‍♀️"
Its gonna be a cheesy adult romantic comedy, thats gonna be a bit camp and over the top and thats exactly why its so good. I dont want to think about every gay movie I watch. I want to watch it and see two queer people fall in love and thats it. Thats how deep it goes. Maybe a sprinkling of politcal commentary in between.
There is this issue thats become bigger and bigger every passing year, that people expect every bit of queer representation to be the best thing ever. There can not ever be anything cringey or different or silly, and if it is then they send endless hate towards it, and in an industry that already hates to show queer people on screen, its this viscious cycle of someone finally being greenlit to make queer media, the media gets endless hate for not being perfect, the studio cancels the queer media before giving it a chance because theyve just 'proven that it wont make money', suddenly everyone is saying 'why do they keep canceling queer media😢', cycle repeats.
Im so over it. Let gay people be slightly cringy or cheesy or campy. Let queer media exist without putting it on this huge pedestal. Just enjoy things! And if you dont, dont watch it! Move on, find something better to do.
Yes!!! Thank you so much anon for putting this feeling into words much better than I could have!
"I dont want to think about every gay movie I watch."
Thank you.
I want light-hearted rom coms about queer adults just being queer adults and havig fun. I want comedy adventures where the characters just happen to be gay. I want more horror where at the end the final girl kisses a girl and can't belive they lived but not because they're gay. (suprisingly several of these exist and I love it)
I don't always want to think about the plight and horrors of being queer today with every queer movie I watch.
Sometimes, yes of course, I want to be seen on that level.
(Nimona, which came this weekend is a perfect example of a queer movie where I felt very very seen but also had a good time and was an incredibly silly fantasy adventure movie. But, still had the queer expereince intertwined.)
I'm looking forward to a movie that will be 90% rom com, and 10% realism/heavyness. re: being outed is a real thing that happens to people. famous people.
Alex and Henry go through some heavy shit. There's seriously traumatizing stuff at the end of the book. They're both dealing with mental illnesses, complex families, and rock-or-a-hard-place situations. I want all of that honored.
And, at the same time, I'm expecting a straight-to-streaming, mid-budget, movie that had to pass through a LOT of straight hands and board meetings to get to us.
Not to say we should love and accept every queer movie that comes out automatically, they have been done wrong in the past. (example: I skipped call me by your name bc the age gap still makes me too uncomfortable to watch)
But we have to give queer movies a chance to fit the genre they were made for, the tone they are made to be, and give queer creators a chance to show they are us annd they know us. The director is Bi. He's spent so much time going on about how much he related to Alex that he needed to make this movie. It's his first directing role, and I'm giving him a chance.
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