#if this flops as bad as my civil war set i Will cry

[notquitecanon]

Ohhhh or maybe one where the reader just makes jasper talk for a while just cuz she adores his accent 🥺

Jasper could feel your bad mood from outside your house- he was always so attuned you you. If his abilities were anymore developed he would probably be able to see your mood like a dark storm cloud hovering outside of your bedroom. Alice had a vision in the middle of their hunt of how your day would go, but with the sunny weather and the face they were already in the Canadian wilderness- he could do nothing but hope it wasn’t too bad. After stopping by his house to change clothes, he made a beeline to the tree line that surrounded your yard like a natural property line. He’d seen your silhouette in your window starting at five pm, but couldn’t make a move until the sun had gone down. The last thing his family needed was Chief Swan getting called because your neighbor caught him climbing into your window. The moment the sun dipped below the tree line, he raced up and into your bedroom.

You had been wallowing in self pity: already showered, in pajamas, and lying face down in bed with your computer playing some of your music quietly. The moment he crossed into your room, you felt his presence like a calming wave washing over you. Eyes fluttering shut as some of the tension left your body, you muttered, “Jasper.”

“Evenin’ Darlin.” His voice was like honey-warm, sweeter than sugar, slow, and sticky. Drawing you into his words and keeping you there while he lingered on the edge of your room. Ever the gentleman, waiting for your invitation. Prying your head out of your pillow, you faced him.

While you observed his freshly glowing golden eyes, slightly disheveled blonde hair, statuesque posture, and heavenly face- he did the same, taking in your tense muscles, dark under eye bags, flushed cheeks, and the general feeling of resignation and annoyance in your emotional map. He didn’t fail to notice you’d been crying- you didn’t fail to notice that he noticed. You were the first to break the silence, adjusting yourself to meet his eyes easier, “Good hunt?”

Jasper breathed a quiet laugh, such an abnormal question asked so nonchalantly, but entertained the notion nonetheless, “Most of us went up into Canada, into the mountains. Emmet took on a pretty big grizzly so he’s in a particularly good mood. I got a Moose and a couple deer.”

You didn’t know what truly constituted a “good hunt” but his thirst seemed appeased so you nodded. The head ache that came after a long day hadn’t put you in a particularly chatty mood. Jasper filled the silence, “Alice told me you had a bad day- well, told me you would have a bad day. I’m sorry I couldn’t help, doll.”

Shaking your head, you brought your knees up to your chest before wrapping your arms around them, “Not your fault, Jazz, bad days happen.”

There was a beat of silence as the two of you stared at each other, him trying to dissect every emotion you were feeling and you mentally begging him to just drop it. Finally, you just patted the spot beside you, motioning for him to join you. Talking waant something you wanted to do, but just having him close would be a big step towards feeling better.

As always, the vampire had a hard time saying no to you. So with the mattress dipping beside you, he easily slid beside you- staying perfectly still until you were situated. As usual, you bunched up a blanket where you cheek would rest against his chest- thick enough to cushion against his stone chest but thin enough to be close enough to smell the comforting scent he always had on him. Cologne, cedar, leather, something woodsy, and a sweet scent you could never quite put a finger on. After letting you settle, he looked down to you, “Wanna talk about it, sugar?”

He felt you shake you head before you nestled closer to him, so he just wrapped his arm around you alternating between tracing patterns up you arm and running cold, graceful fingers through your hair. One of your arms flopped across him just to have more phsyical contact, and Jasper frowned out of your sight. Besides truly changing your emotions (which felt invasive), he didn’t know how else to help. So for the moment, he just let you curl into him. Golden eyes raked across the room before landing on a book on your nightstand so without jostling you, he easily snatched it up.

Not bothering to read the synopsis, he began flipping through the first chapter- quickly becoming amused at the scandalous historical fiction set during the Civil War in Mississippi. Now that he thought about it, he remembered Angela passing it off to you during third period. He chuckled at a particularly inaccurate and racy part. His laughter was deep and reverberated through his hard chest which roused you, at your movement, he tried to quiet himself, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. This book is just so terrible.”

His amusement made it hard not to smile as you tried to snatch the book out of his hands, the racy novel had been on lend from Angela and after the second chapter had been collecting dust on your nightstand. He easily kept it out of your reach, amusement growing at your protest (and quiet proud that he’d got you laughing again, he could already feel your mood lightening up). Listening to his laughter made you long to hear him talk in the smooth southern accent, about anything (anything other than that awful book), “Well, if the book isn’t up to par, how about you tell me what it was really like?”

As his chuckling was dying off, he thought about it before tossing the book back on the nightstand. It wasn’t that his past was an off limits topic, there was just a lot of it and he preferred to live in the moment with you. But you were staring up at him with hopeful eyes, and he could feel the remnants of sadness and frustration so he just nodded. “Well, first of all Mississippi didn’t see battle until The Spring of 1862, and union soldiers didn’t make any head way until a year later. So the notion that a this woman met a union soldier celebrating victroy in New Albany is just wrong. Even if it was true, she wouldn’t be so eager to fall into any soldiers tent considering Conderate troops would of torched her father’s plantation for being a sympathizer or vice versa.”

“Hmmm.” You hummed in response to the history lesson, before he continued going back and forth between learned history and personal experience until he hit where he was changed. You’d heard this story, traced the silvery scars on his arms, so once he went quiet you didn’t press any further. “So where were you at the turn of the century?”

“I was still with Maria, we were going back and forth across the border in Texas and New Mexico, I honestly didn’t now it was the new century until 1905, but we were the cause of the Austin Dam failure.” He mused, thinking pack, “I left shortly after the start of the First World War, to search for my friend Peter and because I was tired of fighting Maria’s battles- she starting to lose trust in me and me in her.”

You’d heard him talk about Peter and Charlotte, the only two he ever let escape, “Did you find him?”

“No, not until the late 1930’s, so I mostly just wandered around the South and the West as a nomad. The roaring twenties were fun between Chicago and Mexico City, I’d like to go back to New Mexico someday.” He thought aloud, cold lips ghosting on the crown of your head as his grip on you tightened ever so slightly. The hand laid over him searched for his so you could intertwine you fingers with him. He squeezed for a moment before detaching just to play with you fingers, burning hot compared to his cold touch.

“Where’d you go next?” You asked, letting him gently tug and curl your fingers with his. Jasper laughed bringing your knuckles up to his lips. When he had just fed, it was so much easier to be so close- which is where he preferred to be.

“You’re mighty full of question tonight, ma’am.” He teased, dropping you hand in favor of lightly digging his fingers into your side. The quiet squeal, laughter, and weak attempts at fighting him off was so delightfully human that he couldn’t help but do it every now and then. Jasper gave you a moment to calm down before continuing, “I spent some time in Tennessee and then Kentucky, the Great Depression hit those areas pretty hard, but it was better than being involved in a territory war.”

“Peter and Charlotte ran into me in the Appalachian mountains- that would be the late 30’s- it was easier to hunt without gaining attention up there.” He paused to gauge you reaction, carefully checking for any fear. Finding none, he sighed in relief before continuing, “They told me about Coven’s in the North, how there weren’t many territory disputes and how in some areas they could even go out in day light...”

You let your eyes slip closed, tension melting as you listened to his honeyed words, and his fingers toyed with your hair. Jasper kept going, talking about traveling with Peter and Charlotte through the Midwest and Northern states before breaking off from them too. Then it was the Fifties, going into a diner and meeting Alice. You’d always envied Alice a bit for her closeness to Jasper, even though you knew neither of them felt that way for each other, but you were also incredibly grateful to her- who knows where Jasper would be without her.

“I remember she said that I’d kept her waiting long enough and I thought to myself I’ve never seen this woman in my life, but I sat down with her regardless and she told me about ‘vegetarianism’ and our future family. I could feel her excitement but I thought she was crazy.” He laughed to himself, a beautiful sound. You’d heard this story a few times from him and Alice. “I was about to go on my way, leave Alice in the wind when she told me something I couldn’t ignore.”

You perked up, neither of them had ever mentioned this part of the story. Craning you’re neck up, you saw he was watching you expectantly with a soft smile tugging those perfect lips up- waiting for a reaction, “She told me that she’d seen me with my soulmate and her future family. She couldn’t tell me when, or where, or how, but she’s seen it and I had to trust her. She felt so sincere and I’d been lonely for so long that I left with her that very afternoon.”

You sat up very suddenly, blood rushing to your cheeks ass you turned around to him, “Jasper, you’ve never told me that before! What are you doing with me then?”

Jasper couldn’t help but grin at the flash of indignation and feisty anger, but quickly frowned when it morphed to hurt. His movement was much faster and infinitely more graceful than yours as you took your face in his hands, “You were the girl in the vision, (Y/N), you’re what I’ve been waiting for.”

It was like someone pulled a plug on your negative emotions as they drained out to be replaced by jittery happiness, and he didn’t need his brother’s telepathy to see the wheel’s turning in your head, “Oh.”

Meanwhile, you were trying to figure out the appropriate reaction to being told your someone’s soulmate. You’d never really imagined life without Jasper, you’d long since admitted to yourself that he was the love of your life, “Well, I’m glad you believed her otherwise I could be with Mike Newton right now.”

It was a bad joke, but he laughed nonetheless and pulled you back down with him, now wrapping both arms around you-effectively trapping you to his chest, but you had no reason to be afraid or even attempt to break free. There was a long pause of silence, him sending off soothing vibes, (it was getting pretty late) listening to the sound of your heartbeat as it slowed, and waiting for you to doze off. It did surprise him when you spoke back up.

“Where’d you go next?” It was quiet, sleepy, but a request he wouldn’t deny. He’d pay you back by asking a hundred inane question about your childhood tomorrow.

Pulling your comforter over the two of you, he adjusted you to what would be a more comfortable sleeping position. He continued, “Well, in took a few years but eventually we met Carlisle who welcomed us to the family with open arms. It took a bit to adjust to the new life of going to highschools and colleges, being around humans. Alice would occasionally drop little hints about you, your hair color, eye color, things you would do in her visions, and that was enough to encourage me to stay with it.”

You only hummed in response, turning over a bit as you let him nudge you towards sleep. Jasper was more than surprised when you made it to the mid-seventies without falling asleep, but was satisfied that he could no longer read any anger or frustration on you. Brushing a lock of hair out of your sleeping face, he silently laughed at your unconscious reaction to his cold touch. Yes, he had waited nearly sixty years for you.

“Good night, darlin’. I love you.”

Bad moods and all, he’d wait a hundred years more for moments like these.

#jasper hale x reader #jasper whitlock x reader

[samnatandsteve]

Nat gets Amnesia

 so @mockinghawk-romanogers asked for a fic of this based off a post of mine. it took a lot longer to get to than I planned thanks to university and life, and it’s not really the same as the of post but that’s okay. I like both of them. 

This is the post in question by the way: 

[Steve and the Bucky are in central Asia following a lead on a terrorist organization after Civil War][Nat and Sam are following other leads in central America, Nat got hurt and can't keep things straight in her mind]

Nat : *gets a long and well written love letter from Steve*Nat : awwww

Nat : *writes back* "you have a crush on me? That's embarrassing :P"

[A week later]

Steve : *calls Nat on burner phone only for emergencies* Nat, we're litterly married!

Nat : is that how I got your dog tags with your mom's ring on it?

Steve : yes! Don't you remember?

Nat : not really... did I look nice?

Steve : ....of course you did, can I talk to Sam?

Nat : why?

Steve : I need him to check something for me

Nat : what is it? I can do it

*Sam walks in, sees the phone, panicks, and grabs the phone*

Nat : hey!! What gives?

Sam : *trying to act nonchalant while shooting Nat away* hey man, what's up?

Steve : why doesn't my wife remember she's my wife?

Sam : whaaattttt? that's crazy!

Steve : is Nat hurt?

Sam : Not a cut

Nat : *in the background* tell the pizza man I want extra banana peppers on mine

Sam : *to Nat* sure thing

Steve : Sam what happened?

Sam : what do you mean?

Steve : what happen-

Sam : woops well look at that, times up, got to go! Tasha, say bye

Nat : why do I have to say goodbye to the pizza man?

Sam : because he likes you

Nat : likes likes?Sam : ohhh yeah

Steve : wait a minute Sa-

*Sam hangs up*

I can do the whole pizza man part in another one if you guys want me to. But this is the oneshot I whipped up today because I finally had the time and motivation :) 

-

They were on a mission in Brazil that of course brought them to the Amazon Rainforest and not only there but at a Hydra base right on the banks of the river itself. Hydra and their fucking cliches. Sam and Natasha went down there to do some snooping around - “Recon” as Tasha put it. Which of course quickly turned into “innocent intel gathering” as she put it in the middle of the night. Then one trip wire (fucking cliches) got them into a “good old fashion shoot out” as she so cheekly put it as she put a bullet in a Hydra goon’s head. Which may or may not have made Sam question Steve’s sanity for marrying such a scary woman. And they just in Brazil that morning, barely had any lunch and Sam’s stomach is really pissed at him. 

   But back to the point! Hydra, Amazon River, terrifying  woman for a partner, kicking Hydra goon ass all in the very humid and very yuckie air of the Amazon. Just one other reason to add to the list of “why I hate Jimmy”, Sam should've gone with scissors that last round, at least then he would be in Central  Asia and just  be dealing with the heat. 

They managed to get outside where they could get the upper hand,  mainly thanks to Tasha’s kick ass assassin skills. Now he was providing air support and Redwing was being awesome and finishing up the intel theft. 

So Tasha was on the ground kicking ass like only Sam could dream of doing, Sam was playing snipper and taking out stragglers and thinning them out for Tasha when suddenly Tasha was in the river face down and Sam was fighting to right himself midair with his ears ringing painfully.

Cold sweat ran down Sam’s back as the biting air rushed in his ears and brought tears to his eyes. He’s going to blame it on the wind if any of those Hydra idiots brought it up, because Sam Wilson does not cry for his friends, he was a stone cold certified bad bitch (by Tasha the queen of bad bitches herself) thank you very much. His stomach twists painfully making him want to throw up and he does and it’s just acid and it burns his throat and he hates today. 

In just another example of classical Hydra cliche, they blew up their little super secret base and bebrie hit Tasha, sending her into the river. His mind registers the fact that Redwing’s still connected to the goggles’ computer and online. Sam thanks the beings that be as he takes a swan dive to Tasha. One thing is for sure, Sam thought as he pulled Natasha out of the river, Steve will kill him if he finds out about this. 

“Redwing buddy tell me I didn’t just let cap become a widow.” The electronic drone bird chirps as they run away- make a strategic withdrawal into the night sky to their hotel room. Sam breathed a sigh of relief as her vitals popped up and he saw her steady heart beat. “Thank god! He still can’t know about this though!” Redwing chirps again as Sam readjusts the spy in his arms. “Well if she snitches we just have to go into hiding.” Another chirp. “Can you stop pointing out faults in my plan?” Silence. “Thank you.”  

Natalie grones as the light hits her eyes causing a pounding headache to erupt across her head. “What the fuck happened last night?” Her cold hand helped a bit when she held it against her forehead. A black man walked out of the bathroom with a hesitant smile on his face.

“Heyyy girl, how’re you feeling?” She  grunted in reply and she threw her bare legs over the side of the bed. Pausing, she looked down and raised an eyebrow, she had her underwear and tank top on. 

“Why the hell am I half naked with a hell of a hangover? Did we sleep together? You better have used protection!” She jabed her left index finger at the man who was still standing on the other side of the room by the desk. Her eyes caught the gold of her wedding band. “You better be my husband too, I am no cheat!” The man’s mouth went slack as his eyes went wide. 

“I broke her- Hydra broke her and I let them.” He started to ramble to himself, rubbing his hands over his head. Natalie pauses again, what the hell does a Nazi subdivison have to do with this? 

“I thought Captain America took care of those guys.” The man stopped and she could practically see the dread set in as she watched his back. Something in a bag on his side of the room chirped and he snapped at it to shut up. 

After a slew of questions the man, Sam, tells her she had memory loss and thinks she’s one of her covers for her job; A history teacher named Natalie Rushmen when she was really an intelligence agent named Natasha Rogers. They were on a mission in Brazil when she got hurt and they will not be leaving until she gets her memory because “Your husband will kill me if he finds out about this and as my friend you would be obliged to kill him and the whole thing would go down into history books and I don’t want to be in history books like that.” 

They stared into each other's eyes for a while, sweat running down Sam’s face as a smirk played on Natasha’s. She hummed, putting her head in her hand, finger tapping her chin,  pretending to mull it over. 

“Hmmm? What do you mean hmmm??” 

“He is my husband, and I like to think we-” 

“Then don’t think! Trust me, you love to pull shit over him, it's your favorite pastime!” 

“Okay” She got up and left him to get dressed “But i think my other favorite is to keep you on your toes.” She calls from the other side of the closed bathroom door. He flops onto the bed, rubbing his face. Thank god the mission was originally planned for a week and radio silent. 

_

A day later the front office stopped Natasha and gave her an envelope. Said envelope found its way into her purse quicker than a snitch in those Harry Potter books she was working through for the eleventh time according to Sam.   

 When she found the room to be empty and void of said man, she plopped onto her bed and opened the letter. A love letter from a guy trying to be mysterious by going by S - how sweet! But she was married and the most faithful wife-who-can’t-even-remember-her-spouse’s-face there ever was!  But she wasn’t a mean woman either, plus it was so nicely written, clearly S loved her a lot. And she was going to love breaking that big heart of his, gotta set her foot down. 

 So she got to writing her own letter complete with a lipstick kiss on the letter’s bottom corner next to her N.

“Dear S, 

Fuck you, I’m married. 

With nothing but love, 

      N <3” 

Short and to the point, just how she liked it. Smiling to herself with a bounce in her step, she hands her response to the young girl at the front desk, thanked her and went back into the room to watch some Brazilian dramas. The letter from S tucked away in her bag, she was going to ask Sam about it  later when he got back with dinner. 

But dinner came and went and the letter was left forgotten under one of her bras. That was until two days later when Sam got a call on a flip phone. Well the phone in his bag did and like always he way out, so she did the friendly thing of answering it when she saw the unsaved number thinking it was spam. 

“Hello, this is Cathrine from Bed Baths and Beyond, how can I help you on this wonderful day?” 

The midwestern American accent came easily to her as she played with her hair with the phone held in place with her shoulder and cheek 

“Nat what’s going on?” She doesn’t know how she knows but that was Mysterious Mr. S on the other end of the line. 

“Who the fuck do you take me for mr S?? I am married and I’ll bet twenty bucks you’re not even half the man my husband is!” She fished the letter out of her bag “I mean seriously! ‘Words cannot even begin to describe how beautiful you are, Aphrodite cannot even hope to compare.’ “ She reads the line in a high pitched mocking town. “Did you read that from ‘Pickup lines so used and abused even their mothers won’t recognize them’? I wouldn’t be caught dead with a man who thinks that’s the hot shit.” 

  There was a pause and Natasha had to check that he didn’t hang up. 

“What - I’m your husband! Me! Steve Rogers am your spouse!” 

“Yeah okay buddy nice try.” 

“Where’s Sam?” 

“Who’s Sam?” 

“Natasha please don’t, where’s Sam?” 

“He’s at work, doing accountant stuff with the numbers and shit.” 

“Sam barely passed algebra, he hates math.” 

Just  as about to call him a staker, Sam the man walked in with food. 

“Got you some waffles!” He did his best Donkey impression at the word waffles as he closed the door behind him. When he turned back he dropped the food and basically tackled her like a linebacker or something to get to the phone. - Point is it hurt her bruised and battered body.  “Give that to me woman!” 

“No!” 

“What’s going on with you two??” -Steve 

“Yes!” 

“I don’t wanna!” 

“I’ll buy you ice cream!” 

They pause in their battle for the phone. 

“Chocolate?” 

“I’m not a heathen like your husband.” 

“I heard that!” - Steve 

She let go, hand up and palms out in surrender. Sam put the phone to his ear.

“Heyyy Steve, whatsup man?” Sam shoved his unused hand into his armpit as he started to walk the length of the room. Nodding to the food to tell Natasha to start eating, which she does. So she watched him talk while eating her waffles far more entertained than she would be watching a Brazilan show. 

“Why doesn’t my wife remember me?” 

“You have a wife? Wow, congrats man! Who’s the lucky lady?” 

“The one you let get amnesia apparently.” 

“Amnesia-what?” 

Steve sighed on the other end.

“She hurt in any other way?” 

Sam shared a glance with Natasha who had booth cheeks stuffed with waffles. 

“Not a scratch.” 

“You sit on a throne of lies.” Natasha hisses. “I have three broken ribs Mr. S!” 

“What! Thre-!” Steve is sooo going to kill Sam. 

“Oh wow don’t you look at that! Time’s out, gotta go! Bye Steve!” And with a snap of the phone, the yelling voice of an angry husband is cut off. Sam joined Natasha at the table and started to eat his waffles. 

“Is that really my husband?” She pointed her fork at the phone laying on one of the twin beds. Sam nods as he poured syrup over his waffles. “What was I thinking?” 

“To this day I still can’t figure it out.” 

#natasha romanov #natasha romanoff #Natalia Romanova #romanogers #romanogers fanfic #Steve Rogers #steve rogers x natasha romanoff #sam wilson #falcon #captain america #captasha #Black Widow #marvel #MCU #mcu fic #cap quartet #stevenat #natasha x steve

[justice-for-shayla]

The Shadow and the Soul

A/N: This has been finished for hours but I couldn’t post it without a title. The prompt I received (Many days ago) was Historical AU and Secret Relationship, only one of which is a focus for this part. I have a second part planned but it may need a third to wrap things up. 

Word Count: 4000 

A note on Historical Accuracy: The inaccuracy here is intentional. I will break all rules of history in order to steal the aesthetics of a time period, (in this case the Antebellum South, without all the nastiness. I’m not going to write characters I like as former or current slave owners, that’s fucking gross.) Don’t send me messages or write comments about how this isn’t true or wouldn’t work. I don’t care.  

Warnings: Historical Inaccuracy, Civil War Mentions, Death Mentions, Melodramatic Period Piece Tropes, Smut in Later Chapters (18+ Only) 

The locals called them leeches and parasites, the Northerners who’d descended on New Orleans in the wake of the war, but Aurelie never flinched at their hurled insults. She never flinched at all, in fact.

Long ago, she had learned that it was better to be seen as sweet. Sweet girls who never got into any trouble could get away with anything, because no one could imagine a “Sweet girl like her” getting up to any trouble.

Four years of war time had toughened even the sweetest girls, and Aurelie was no exception. Her once round cheeks had grown sharp and narrow when rationing had started, and her soft fingers had become calloused with all the times she’d pricked her fingers sewing up uniforms or burned herself on the water they boiled to bring to the hospitals.

Losing all three of her brothers had toughened her too. By the time they’d lost Henry, Aurelie didn’t even cry, only stood near her mother, somber and steady while her mother sobbed and fell to her knees. Henry had been the oldest, and the one she’d thought most likely to live, but even he had fallen, shot dead on a battlefield far from home. 

Lucas had been first, the first time her youngest brother had ever been the first to do anything, and Jean-Paul had been right in the middle, as always. It had destroyed her mother, the loss of all her boys, and in an effort to help her regain her health, the family had decided to move down to New Orleans to stay with relatives.

Though she had said she was looking forward to living with her sister, Aurelie’s mother never seemed particularly excited about the idea, even as she stepped off of the train into the sweltering air. 

Aurelie was neither excited nor perturbed. Her life up North had been boring until the war and difficult during it, leaving her feeling restless and purposeless now that it was over. Though being sweet had always been a lie for her, now act was heavy against her skin, itching like wool underclothes and cloying like a too-tight corset.

The only thing worth looking forward to had been the presence of her cousin, Eugene, the only young male in the family to make it out of the war. Aurelie sought him out now and found him lounging against a large tree in the garden.

“Is my mama looking for me?” He asked her, politely setting his pipe aside, though she wouldn’t have minded if he’d kept smoking.

“No, just me,” She said, taking a seat beside him and carefully arranging her skirt around her.

“You alright?” She had remembered him as an awkward and sickly boy, but he had come back a sad-eyed man, stronger than he had been before, but wounded in a different way. Aurelie never asked him about it, but she sensed that he was pretending to be well in the same way that she pretended to be sweet.

“You met Sidney yet?” He asked.

Aurelie groaned. “I’ve done nothing but meet Mr. Phillips. There are too many mothers trying to match us; it’ll be the death of me.”

“They just want something happy, I think. He’s not a bad one, you could do worse.”

She just shrugged. “I don’t care either way about him, and that’s just the problem.”

“Well, every surviving young man with any kind of money in New Orleans will be at your welcome party tonight, so if you’re ready to announce an engagement, now’s the time.”

Groaning, Aurelie gave up trying to keep her dress nice and flopped all the way onto the grass. “God, I’d love to make them happy but I can’t get engaged just to see my mama smile, Gene. I just can’t do it.”

“I don’t think you should, even if he’s my friend. You oughta wait.”

“Wait for what? For all the surviving men who fought in blue but live in New Orleans to get married to the other girls everyone’s shipping from up North?”

“Then at least you won’t have to be one of them.” Eugene shrugged.

“And what about you, Mr. Sledge, are you hoping to make your mama smile tonight?”

He rolled his eyes. “She smiles plenty because I came home. She only had one son and I came back. Your mama sent three and didn’t get any, I think she might hate me for it.”

“She doesn’t hate you,” Aurelie protested, “But you look like Henry, if she squints and turns her head right. I think you make her sad, but I’m sure she’d like to see you wed and naming babies after her boys.”

Eugene shuddered. “Not yet. Maybe not ever.”

Aurelie accepted this without question. If she’d had other options, she would have said Not Yet about marriage and babies too, but her choices were limited. “I oughta go inside and start dressing.” She shifted but didn’t stand, not wanting to leave her quiet moment with Gene.

“Can I ask you a favor, Rellie?” He asked, using the nickname he’d given her when they were children, before he’d mastered the pronunciation of her name.

“Of course.”

“I invited a friend of mine, Merriell Shelton. This isn’t really his type of party, so it might be nice if someone… helped him. I know he’d like you.”

“Why’s that?” For all the time she’d known him, Gene had only had one friend-- Sidney-- so the idea of him having someone else, someone who didn’t quite fit with the rest of their circle was intriguing enough on its own, but Aurelie fished for information anyway. She was hoping it might reveal something about this mysterious friend.

“You’re pretty, but you’re not soft. You’ll look him in the eye and not let him give you shit, which he will try to do.”

Aurelie smiled, picturing a bold sort of man who wouldn’t be afraid to make jokes around her, and wouldn’t flinch if she accidentally used some of the swears she’d learned from hanging around the nurses during the war.

“Sure, Gene, but only if you try to have some fun.”

Gene sighed and looked away from her, a shadow passing over his face, which he’d tried to arrange into a smile for her. “I’m doing my best, Rellie.”

She nodded and turned away, hating that sadness that clung to him like mud, but unable to do anything about it.  

“Rell?” He called, just before she was out of earshot, “He says he’s got a way with women; watch out.”

Laughing, Aurelie tossed her words over her shoulder. “All men say that, Gene; I’m immune.”

Submitting herself to the terrifying ordeal of getting ready for a party was distracting, but did little to lift her spirits as she was pinched and pulled and powdered until she looked like a perfect little doll nestled on top of a skirt wider than most door frames. Her mother had picked the dress and her maid had picked the hairstyle, she could barely recognize herself underneath all of it.

“Miss? It’s time; folks are waiting.”

She nodded, stealing one last glance at her reflection and defiantly tugging one red curl out of its place and letting it hang next to her eye. It was a small flaw, but with no time to fix it, she would be allowed to keep it, and with it some semblance of herself.

The Sledge’s ballroom was packed with people, though the festive atmosphere felt forced and oddly turbulent, like someone holding a match next to a powder keg. It was obvious that not all the people in this room had fought on the right side of the war, and tension ran high as everyone wondered who would start the first fight.

Aurelie hoped it wouldn’t come until later. She hoped it might not come at all. She wished the boys in gray could all just go home and lick their wounded pride in private, rather than frothing about it at every society party people felt obligated to invite them to.

Though she’d only met a few of the assembled guests-- Eugene’s oldest friend, Mr. Phillips, among them-- Aurelie felt like she knew them all. They were rich and polite and would spend many hours making small talk and pretending that less than a year ago they’d all been trying to slaughter each other. Aurelie hated to pretend, but she plastered a honey-sweet smile onto her face as she swept down the staircase and into the ballroom.  

Her eyes found the person who didn’t fit in almost immediately, and she knew that she’d spotted the friend Eugene had told her about. His suit almost fit perfectly, but even if it had been properly tailored, she would have seen his discomfort in it. This was not a man who spent his time at parties making small talk.

He had spotted her, caught her staring at him.  

His gaze was intense as she stepped lightly through the crowd, greeting people and smiling shyly, always gently dancing away before someone could pull her into a conversational circle. She was an expert at this type of weaving, and she made it across the room in record time, only stopping when she was standing in front of the stranger.

She held out her hand, as much a challenge as an introduction. “You must be Mr. Shelton. Eugene told me about you.”

He took her gloved hand, holding it gently. “Nice to meet you Miss…”

“Aurelie,” She said, flinching slightly when he kept his grip.

“Aurelie…” His voice lilted over her name, reducing it to something smooth and melodic, completely new to her. “Nice to meet you.”

His wasn’t an accent that one found in most society ballrooms, but Aurelie loved it immediately. For a long moment they stood like that, with her fingers still gripped in his hand. She glanced around, sure that someone had noticed this odd interlude, but no one was looking at them.

“Have you been staying with the Sledges long?” Aurelie asked, trying to find a normal conversation with a man who was very, very far from her normal.

“Not staying with them; I’ve got a place in the city. Sledge invited me and I’m not one to say no to a party like this.”

She nodded and then impulsively said, “I might have said no if I could have.”

“Why couldn’t you?” No one in her circle would have asked that. No one in her circle would have had to.

The question made her stumble and answer honestly. “Because this is my job.”

“Your job?” He tilted his head, studying her.

This time, it was his intense stare that caused her uncharacteristic ineloquence. “It’s what I do; it’s what I’ve been trained to do since I could walk and talk. I smile and dance and make conversation with the right people.”

She sounded like a doll, or some sort of teachable puppet, and she inwardly cursed her idiocy.

He looked around, apparently unbothered, though new tension hardened his face when his eyes fell on a coupe of men across the room from them. “I don’t think I’m the right people, but I’m better than those two.”

He pointed to two classically handsome men, similar enough to be brothers. “They fought with the rebels and show up here claiming they were just doing what they were told. Cowards.” He spit the word, glaring at the two, who had noticed his stare and were looking back.

Flushing when she made eye contact with one of them, Aurelie turned away, hoping they wouldn’t comment on her impropriety in front of her parents. She felt that men like them had no business on the Sledge’s property, but her parents weren’t as discerning. If they had money, a decent name, and no wives, she would be introduced to them with the same hope her parents expressed whenever she spoke to any man.

“They’re staring at you,” Merriell said conversationally, watching them over her shoulder.

“Don’t stare back, maybe they’ll go away.”

“They’re coming over here.”

“Damn.” The word was barely out of her mouth when the men approached. Up close, Aurelie could see that one of them was slightly taller, and the other had a very square face, but both had a bitterness in their eyes and stance that made her immediately wary of them.

“Miss Aurelie; it’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance. We’ve heard so much about you.” The taller one said with a smile that looked like it had been carved into his face and a drawl like thick syrup, poured too heavily over his words and rendering them sarcastic.

“Charmed,” Aurelie said in a tone that indicated she wasn’t. “I don’t believe we’ve been introduced, Mr…”

“Simmons. And this is my cousin Frederick Pierce.”

She nodded, allowing the conversation to stall in the hope that they might leave.

It didn’t deter them. “Is this man bothering you?” They studied Merriell with barely disguised scorn that made Aurelie bristle, though she didn’t let it show.

“Not at all!” She plastered on her best smile. “In fact he saved my favorite cousin’s life in the war, so I feel I owe him quite a debt.” She took Merriell’s arm in a slightly bold act that would send a clear message. *****I am not one of you.*****

This made those marble smiles falter on their faces, and Aurelie tried not to outwardly cheer for her victory.

“Most ladies don’t pay their debts with their company,” The shorter one-- Mr. Pierce-- said, nodding in a mockery of politeness before he and his cousin walked away.

Aurelie was fuming. “Those bastard sons of whores,” She muttered, glaring at their backs.

Merriell was laughing at her and a sudden flush crawled up her neck and into her cheeks; she’d sworn in front of him. She’d sworn in front of a gentleman! If her mother found out she would die on the spot. “I’m terribly sorry you had to hear that--”

“I’m not.”

“--I just got so angry at what they implied. The audacity of coming into my family’s home and suggesting that--” She paused, realizing that he was watching her pleasantly and seemed utterly unphased by the entire situation. “You’re not?”

“Not sorry I heard that. I kinda liked it.”

The flush burned even hotter, probably leaving her pale skin blotchy and scarlet under her freckles. “I…” She couldn’t think of anything to say.

He held out one improperly ungloved hand. “Dance with me?”

Any polite conversation she might have tried to make died in her throat. “I… Yes, thank you.”

Aurelie didn’t expect him to be good at dancing, and she was correct. Her massive skirt mostly hid his errors, and she was good enough to guide him through the rest without too much trouble, though she caught Gene’s eye and saw his sympathetic smile as he stood off to the side.

“Is he alright?” She asked Merriell as she eased herself carefully into a turn, subtly pushing hm in the right direction. “Gene, is he… happy?”

He looked at her like she was insane, bringing yet another hot flush into her cheeks. “No.”

“Of course, it was an idiotic question, I just… we’re worried about him. He used to smile so much, and he was much… brighter, I suppose. I don’t want to lose him too.” The last words slipped out without thought; they were inappropriately honest, but Merriell didn’t seem to notice or care.

“He’s right there.”

“He’s changed--”

“That shit changes you.” Abruptly, he dropped her hand, stepping away from the dance and leaving her where she stood. It was an awkward rush to go after him before someone noticed that he’d left. Leaving a girl on the dancefloor was an insult, and though she knew she had offended him first, it was hard not to feel the sting of it.

“Please, wait,” Reaching out, she caught his arm, once again surprising herself with her boldness. Though she had thought about it many times, she couldn’t remember ever having grabbed a man like this before. “I didn’t mean it like that. Everyone’s changed after the war, I know. I just… we all lost so much, I can’t bear the thought that he might not get better.”

“Better doesn’t mean same as before,” Merriell said.

“Of course it doesn’t. I’m sorry.” Ducking her head, Aurelie thought about moving away, returning to the comfortably familiar crowd with their predictably polite conversations. Whatever this was with Merriell, she preferred it to the artiface that surrounded them.

“Seems like you’re the same as you were before.” Perhaps he didn’t mean it as a challenge, but she couldn’t help but take it as one.

“You didn’t know me before,” She said coolly, “And you don’t know me now, so you’re hardly in a position to judge that.” She wanted to believe that he was somehow clever enough to see past the carefully constructed mask of words and behavior, rules and etiquette, that she wore constantly.

She met his gaze boldly, waiting for his apology or his next move, swallowing the pain that his words caused. &&&Just because you can’t see that I care doesn’t mean that I don’t care.&&&&

When he didn’t say anything, she turned and walked away from him, avoiding looking at where she was sure Eugene was standing and watching them, unable to hide the guilt she felt at breaking her promise to him.

She spent the next couple hours dancing with various men who were paraded in front of her by her mother or theirs, having the same conversation over and over as they did the same steps to the same dances, with few exceptions made for different songs. The men were, to her, utterly interchangeable, and her eyes drifted back to the only unique face in the crowd, before they would snap right back to her partner’s face, forcing herself to pay attention to whatever droll observation he was making about the weather.

When it all became unbearable, she stepped out into the garden, breathing the thick, warm night air deeply. Underneath the smell of heat and mud that permeated the garden, she caught a faint whiff of cigarette smoke, and considered investigating before its source stepped out of the shadows.

“Miss Aurelie,” He said, his accent once again smoothing out her name until it sounded more like a collection of notes than a word.

“Mr. Shelton.”

“I didn’t mean to offend you,” He said rather stiffly, after a too-long pause.

“You didn’t,” She lied instinctively.

He watched her, clearly spotting the lie.

“I have changed,” She said, daring to be honest in the dim garden, surrounded by night air that felt as heavy as a wool coat. “I never liked all this, but after the war I could see how pointless it all is. Now I’m… I’m so angry it takes my breath away sometimes. It scares me.”

“Makes sense to be angry.” He paused as if considering his next words. “You don’t look angry.”

“Ah, well, you know ‘Look like the innocent flower but be the serpent under it’,” She quoted, smiling at him.

He nodded, glancing away but not before she saw the confusion on his face.

“It’s Shakespeare,” She explained. “It… It’s a man’s wife telling him how to commit a murder.”

That made him laugh, and she stared, transfixed, at his smile until it had faded off his face. “You planning on killing anyone, Flower?”

The nickname brought back her blush, which she hated. “No, of course not! Though I wouldn’t be sad if Johnny and Jimmy Reb over there happened to not make it through the night.” It was by far the boldest joke she’d ever made in front of a gentleman, and she felt a rush singe through her veins when he laughed.

“See, before I never would have said that; I would have been too polite.” She told him, laughing with him and savoring it.

He nodded. “I’m glad you said it. Been thinking the same thing all night. I didn’t like what they said to you.”

A group of people passed the window nearest you, their voices carrying out into the night, and Aurelie stepped closer to him, into the shadows where she wouldn’t be seen.

She hadn’t been paying enough attention, and she ended up directly in front of him, only a breath away from being pressed against his chest. He looked down at her, his strangely reflective eyes studying her face in the darkness.

The polite, proper thing to do would have been to step away, to apologize and then to take his arm and allow him to lead her back into the ballroom, away from this compromising position. She didn’t do that, though the thought occurred to her, just like it always did. Just because she knew what she should do didn’t mean her mind was made up about what she was going to do.

Even though she was certain she knew what she wanted to do. “I’m different than I used to be,” She said, not sure if she was talking to herself or to him.

“I believe you.” His head bent lower as he breathed the words, so quietly she had to lean even closer to hear them.

At that point, she was too close not to do anything, so she lifted her lips the final inches they needed until they were pressed against Merriell’s. His hands started on her waist, brushing against the satin of her dress before one slipped up to cup the back of her neck, drawing her even closer as his tongue slipped between her parted lips.

She had been kissed before. She had done more than that before, with a soldier the night before he left, his blue uniform in an untidy heap in the corner of her bedroom. All of those kisses had been tinged with the desperation of a man who knew he was going to die, and needed one last thing before he could go.

Merriell had none of that desperation as he kissed her. He was slow, exploratory, and thorough, leaving her breathless when he finally moved away from her, taking a full step back.

“I can’t do this,” He said.

Aurelie stared at him, flushed, wide-eyed, and mortified. “What?”

“You’re Sledge’s cousin, practically his little sister--”

“He’s barely older than me!” She stepped closer, her blush now brought on more by anger than embarrassment.

“--He’d never let…”

“Eugene doesn’t let me do anything,” She insisted. “And he likes you! He wanted me to talk to you, to keep you company tonight--”

He shook his head sharply. “Don’t say that.”

“Say what?”

His hands found her hips again, pulling her close. “Don’t say you’re keeping me company tonight.”

The alternative meaning of her words struck her when he said them like that, with his warm breath against her ear and his hands strong on her waist. “Oh.”

Her lips fell open again, and he hesitated for the briefest of seconds before kissing her again. It was another perfect kiss, possibly even better than their first, but once again Merriell pulled away.

“People like you and people like me… They won’t allow it; you know that.”

Aurelie did know that, but she refused to admit it. “They don’t have to know.”

“You’re my best friend’s cousin.”

“You’re my cousin’s best friend,” She retorted, unphased.

“If he found out--”

Cutting him off, she kissed him again, savoring the feel of his lips as they moved over hers. “I have secrets already,” She told him when they parted. “What difference does one more make?”

Merriell still didn’t reply as he looked down at her, his face a mix of emotions she couldn’t decipher.

“Please, think about it,” She said, dipping into a slight curtsey before she left him in the shadows and reentered the ballroom. She felt warm and strange and powerful and scared, all things she had to tuck away into the back of her mind so she could pretend to be the girl they all expected.

Beneath her placid smile, she let herself relive every moment outside with Merriell, where she’d been allowed to act on impulse, to yearn and pursue and feel in a way that she never had before.

Immediately, her mother appeared to force her back into Mr. Phillips’ waiting arms for the final waltz of the evening. While she spun across the smooth wood floor with him, she felt a pair of eyes, burning into her back, and hoped that Merriell had made up his mind. She wanted her moment of freedom back, she wanted to be allowed to be the girl she’d been with him again.

Before he left for the night, he thanked her briefly, bowing rather clumsily over her hand. When he stepped away, she could feel a scrap of paper in her hand, barely noticeable through her silk gloves. 

In the privacy of her room, she unfolded the note and read his bold, messy scrawl. Our secret. 

#merriell snafu shelton #Snafu Shelton #Snafu Shelton x Reader #Snafu Shelton x OC #Rami Malek x reader #Snafu Shelton Imagine

[allisondraste]

Temperance (2/?)

Pairing: Nathaniel Howe/ Female, Non-HoF Cousland

Story Summary:  Nathaniel and Elissa were childhood friends, but time and distance tore them apart. In the aftermath of the Fifth Blight, and Ferelden’s Civil War, both Elissa and Nathaniel must attempt reconstruct their tattered lives. As a series of events lead them to be reunited, both are reminded of so many years ago when things were much simpler.

Chapter Summary: Young Nathaniel and his father take an uncomfortable trip to Highever.

[First Chapter] [AO3 LINK]

Fereldan Countryside, 9:15 Dragon

The day’s journey from Amaranthine to Highever was more like an eternity to Nathaniel as he sat in the back of the carriage attempting to remain completely still and make as little noise as possible.  His father sat across from him, looking out the window intently. He could hardly imagine what was so interesting about the grey Fereldan landscape. It was just hills and rain, and more hills and more rain.  At least it wasn’t cold — well, except for his father’s icy silence. It was a silence with which Nathaniel was familiar, one that meant he was very, very angry.

Over the past several years, the elder Howe had been cross with Nathaniel more days than not, but Nathaniel didn’t really understand why.  He was the oldest of his siblings, and always tried to behave as such, remaining quiet, not breaking anything, and looking after Delilah and Thomas while father was busy. He never cried, not even when he learned his mother was sick.  His younger siblings cried, but not Nathaniel. He had to be strong for them, and for mother, no matter how sad and and scared he felt. A strong Howe man, he tried his best to make his father proud, though it seemed his efforts were in vain.

There was little Nathaniel could do that didn’t anger the man, let alone please him.  He wanted nothing more than to be treated with the same fatherly warmth Delilah and Thomas received.  Sure, they got in trouble too, but Nathaniel faced the brunt of it all. The more he attempted to earn affection, the more cold and distant his father became. Still, he persisted.  He refused to give up.

Nathaniel’s most recent attempt to impress had gotten him into major trouble.  Hoping to become a skilled archer like his grandfather, he began practicing with a bow and arrows everyday.  Sometimes the soldiers even helped him set up the hay targets and cheered him on when he made a good shot. He took pride in how close he was able to get to the center of the target and sought to show off his progress; however, his father had been unimpressed with his marksmanship and furious that Nathaniel had found and used the disgraced Padric Howe’s bow to practice. He ripped the bow from Nathaniel’s hands, and made it clear that a man who abandoned his family to indulge a glorified fantasy by joining the Grey Wardens was not someone to idolize.  Grey Wardens were the worst kind of cowards, or so he said.

This was the closest he had to a reason why he was in a carriage on the way to Highever now.  His father explained nothing to him, simply demanding that he pack his things and get to the stables. At first, the prospect of father-son trip excited him, but after hours spent in heavy silence, he wished he was back at home.  

They arrived at dusk, streaks of sunset fading quickly behind the grey stone walls of the castle.  Soldiers stood like statues at the gates, armor and shields decorated with the green laurel branches of the Cousland family.  Nathaniel had visited Highever on occasion for feasts and festivals that the two families had begun a tradition of sharing with one another.  His father and Teyrn Cousland fought in the rebellion together, and had become close allies in the years since. Nathaniel always marveled at the kind, even-tempered teyrn, who he wished his father was more like, though he’d never say as much.

The teyrn was there at the door to greet them when they arrived, eyes squinting with the wide grin he offered them. He spoke the first words Nathaniel had heard since he left Amaranthine.

“Rendon! It has been… some time. Eleanor sends her regards. She is putting our daughter to bed—-or at least attempting to.  That girl is never tired.” he explained cheerfully with a pat to the shoulder before turning toward Nathaniel. “And you! You were only this tall last time I saw you.” He motioned with his hand. “You’re almost a proper man now.”

Nathaniel’s chest swelled with pride, but before he could answer the teyrn, his father cleared his throat and huffed his disagreement. “Hardly.”

“Well, we’ll just have to work on that, won’t we?” Teyrn Cousland winked, keeping his gaze locked with Nathaniel’s for a moment longer, and smiling in a way that made Nathaniel’s chest tighten for reasons he didn’t understand. He tousled Nathaniel’s hair, before turning to address the other man.

“I believe your boy may be a good influence on him. Perhaps Nathaniel will see how a boy his age should behave.”

“Fergus is a good lad, but...” the teyrn interrupted himself with a chuckle.  “Thirteen, and just this afternoon he let his sister convince him to cover for her as she skipped her lessons...again.” He shook his head.

Nathaniel vaguely remembered Fergus, having only seen him on occasion and never really speaking.  The Cousland boy was three years older than him, soft spoken, and cheerful like the teyrn. He was  tall, but stocky with sandy brown hair and dark eyes. He couldn’t remember Fergus having a sister, but he’d also never really paid attention, preferring to find a solitary corner amongst the crowds that filled their festivities, away from the noise and from other children who could get him into trouble. He always got in trouble when he played.

The two men continued to talk to one another, father explaining the situation to Teyrn Cousland, as if Nathaniel were not there.  It was the first explanation he had heard about what was to happen. Apparently, his behavior had become a “burden on the family,” and it was hoped that a summer away would “do him some good.”  The words stung, of course, but it was nothing he had never heard before. His father was not one to keep criticism to himself. The idea of a summer away from home without all of the fighting and finger-pointing didn’t sound too bad, when he thought about it.  Sure, he would miss Delilah and Thomas, and he would worry about mother, but considering alternative punishments, he couldn’t help but be relieved.

Several minutes passed, as Nathaniel stood silently in his father’s shadow listening as the pleasantries wrapped up and a one of the teyrn’s servants arrived, looking eagerly at Nathaniel.

“Shall I show you to your room, my lord,” the woman said with a respectful bow.

Nathaniel looked at his father, then to the teyrn, and then back to his father, who, much to Nathaniel’s surprise, raised his eyebrows and smiled slightly.

“Well, go on,” he urged more gently than typical, only a slight edge of annoyance in his voice, “I will see you at the end of summer.”

Nathaniel smiled and nodded, fighting the tears that burned in his eyes.  He hadn’t expected any parting words at all from his father, especially not words that sounded so much like the man he remembered from years ago.

“I’m ready,” he said as he looked back to the servant who perked up with his answer.

“Right this way then, my lord.” She motioned for him to follow her. He picked up his things and walked behind her, stopping just at the arched doorway to turn back.  He opened his mouth to say something to his father, a more formal and affectionate farewell, but thought better of it. To ask for more fondness from the man would have been greedy. Shaking his head, Nathaniel continued on after the servant.

He followed her down a long narrow hallway and up a flight of dark, stone steps to the wing of the castle that housed rooms of the Cousland family as well as several guest bedrooms, one of which had been readied for Nathaniel.  The servant opened the door for him. He hesitated as he entered the sizable room, feeling like he was somewhere he wasn’t supposed to be.

The servant bowed again, and exited the room, leaving him alone for the first time since he left Amaranthine. Alone to think about why father would have wanted to hand him off to another family for months.  Alone to worry about mother. Alone to realize he wouldn’t see Delilah or Thomas for longer than he had ever gone without seeing them. The emptiness made his whole body ache.

Just as he was about to give in to the urge to cry, he remembered a gift Delilah handed him when she told him goodbye.  He took the small velveteen pouch from his pocket and tugged on the string, pulling it open. Inside glittered a small golden ring engraved with his sister’s name. It wouldn’t fit on even his smallest finger, but his sister had also stuffed a bit twine into the pouch.  

Threading the twine through the ring, he tied it around his neck, and tucked it into his shirt.  There was a tiny slip of parchment sticking out of the pouch, drawing Nathaniel’s attention. Pulling the parchment from the bag, he saw on it a hastily scribbled heart shape in red ink.  He smiled and returned it to the pouch. Delilah was only eight, two years younger than him, and she was already wiser than she knew. He wished he could thank her for the reminder that he was loved.  It was easy to forget.

Now aware of how tired his body was, worn from the long carriage ride and emotional labor.  Nathaniel flopped down across his bed with a huff, eyes drooping from sleep as his breathing slowed. Just as he was about to drift off, he heard a rustling noise from somewhere in the room.  He sat up sharply and listened more closely. It sounded as if it were under his bed. His heart pounded against his chest, but he wasn’t afraid, no. There were no such things as monsters under the bed.  Nothing was going to hurt him.

Hopping up from the bed he  crouched down on the floor and tilted his head to look into the dark space between the floor and bed.  He gasped when he saw pair of big, dark eyes looking back at him, surrounded by a mane of curly hair. It was a girl, or at least something that looked incredibly like a girl.

“Hi,” her tiny voice whispered, as she crawled forward. Nathaniel blinked in shock, not quite sure the proper way to greet a girl from under the bed. “I’m Elissa.”

“Elissa.” He hesitated, still examining her to make sure she was really just a girl and not some secret monstrous beast that absolutely did not exist and he had no reason to be scared about.

“You can call me Liss though,” she said with a bright smile still short a few grown-up teeth. “I like it better, anyway.”

“Okay,” Nathaniel muttered, not sure what to think of this Liss person, “I’m Nathaniel.”

“Nathaniel! Wow, that’s such a pretty name,” Liss squeaked, “Are you the Howe boy?”

He offered a slow nod in response.

“Papa told me you’d be staying with us… and that I shouldn’t bother you.”  She laughed nervously. “I didn’t know this was your room. Oops.”

He began to ask her why she was under his bed, but footsteps echoed down the hallway, causing Liss to gasp and press her pointer finger against Nathaniel’s mouth with a “Shh!”  She slid back under the bed, leaving Nathaniel sitting on the floor in stunned silence. He stood abruptly at the sound of a knock at the door.

“Y-yes?”

“Sorry to bother you, Nathaniel,” a man’s voice said as the door creaked open.  It was the teyrn, “I am looking for my girl. Her mother is going to be very cross with her if she doesn’t come to bed.”

Nathaniel panicked.  He had no desire to get Liss in trouble.  He didn’t know what that would mean for her.  At home, if he or his siblings had broken the rules, it was never pleasant.  Still, he did not wish to lie to the man who had been kind enough to open his home to Nathaniel, especially not so soon after getting there. He braced himself to reveal her hiding spot, but as he did so, giggles erupted from beneath the bed.

A good-natured smile crossed the teyrn’s face as he gave Nathaniel another wink. “It looks like we’re going to have to get you a new bed.  I don’t think they’re supposed to laugh. What do you think?”

The teyrn’s lack of anger over the situation eased Nathaniel’s concern for Liss, and he braved a response.  “I’ve never seen a laughing bed before, ser. I think it would be hard to sleep on.”

“Hmm.” The teyrn stroked his chin, “That’s a good point.  That won’t do at all.” He knelt down by the bed, reaching underneath, provoking more laughter. “I think it might be ticklish, Nathaniel.”

He reached further to grab hold of Liss, and pull her from her hiding place, scooping her up into his arms as he did so.  She struggled against him, squirming and laughing, but she was too small against her father’s embrace.

“Looks like you just had a little monster under there after all,” he said to Nathaniel before turning his attention to Liss, “Elissa Odette, what am I going to do with you?  You’re giving your poor mother fits.”

Liss laughed briefly, but quieted herself, her face becoming more serious, “Sorry Papa.  I’m just not sleepy.” She yawned as she spoke.

“You sure about that, pup?”

“Okay maybe just a little.” Another yawn and she rubbed her eyes.

“Say goodnight to Nathaniel,” the teyrn instructed, “Maybe you two can play together tomorrow.”

“Goodnight Nate,” Liss said, waving at him from her father’s arms.  A smile curled at Nathaniel’s lips. His mother called him Nate too, and so did Delilah. He liked it.

“Goodnight Liss,” he replied as the teyrn carried the girl out of the room and gently shut the door behind them.

#dragon age #dragon age origins #dragon age awakening #nathaniel howe #nathaniel howe x cousland #elissa cousland #my writing #my ocs

[smokeybrandreviews]

We Can Be Heroes

So i took in Ragnarok a second time and even wrote an in depth review about it. I said i wanted to compare and contrast between JL, more because Marvel has released some solid films both directly from Marvel Studios and their franchised heroes to other studios, in particular Fox. Logan is the second greatest cape flick i have ever seen, after the Dark Knight. I don’t throw that distinction around lightly because TDK is one of the greatest films, overall, ever made and Logan can give it a run for it’s money any day. Outside of that flick, Homecoming was spectacular and so was Guardians. I have already gushed about Ragnarok and even Wonder Woman was on point. So why was Justice League so bad? Why did no one go to see it?

I’m not sating that Justice League is a flop. Of course not. It made a pretty penny. It had, like, a 96 million dollar opening last week. Cash money. The thing is, if i know the box office, that’s unsustainable. A good drop in the week two run is around 40 to 50 percent. I’m not sure what the week two drop was but, considering all of the cats i saw looking to check out Coco and the fact my screening of Ragnarok was full, i imagine it’s going to be pretty substantial. Probably high 50 to mid 60s which is not was Warner Bros. wants. That’d be terrible news. Considering it only made about 185 mil in the foreign markets over opening weekend, that mid 60percent is looking better and better. So how is it Marvel keeps knocking these things out of the park and DC keeps stumbling across the finish line? As a comic fan, Marvel Fanboy, and cinemaphile, i wanted to throw my two cents into the argument because i find it all very intriguing

DCEU Fatigue

There are cats talking about superhero fatigue. I’ve been hearing that thrown around a lot lately. I don’t think that’s accurate. There are too many of us millennials out here, of age, starting our own families, that are afflicted with that crazy childhood nostalgia because we’re all latchkey kids, particularly the older of us. Cats like me, born in the early to mid 80s, adore comic books and Saturday morning cartoons. We loved the escapism as the excess of greed and selfishness during the 80s tore our families apart. Among our “Oregon Trail” generation, we have some of the highest rates of divorce so escapism was real.  We threw ourselves into Nintendo, BTAS, and Marvel comics. We brought our younger siblings, those notorious and oft maligned by the media as the true “millennials”, those youngsters born in the 90s, into our world of comic book distraction, cartoon interference, and video game diversion. To see all of those heroes we followed as kids put up on the big screen with massive budgets and SFX spectacle is like catnip to us. The market is rife with prime demographics for these films and, as log as they’re good, there’s no stopping that machine. But that’s the overall problem.

Marvel has been doing this since 2008. They stumbled in a few outings (The two Hulk films, the first two Thor films, and to a lesser extent Iron Man 2 and Age of Ultron) but they have also shined brilliantly along the way while taking crazy risks. No one knew who the f*ck the Guardians of the Galaxy were or why Chris Pratt would even be cast in a superhero role but look; That first Guardians film is a classic and the second, even with all of it’s missteps, is a goddamn joy to watch. Pratt is a huge star now and people are looking to GOT to set that Cosmic Marvel tone. James Gunn’s visibility as a director has increased considerably, to the point that Taika Waititi took a little of their tone and levity into his own MCU outing, Ragnarok. And, again, i adored that flick. When Ultron came out and audiences reacted with mild tepidness, Marvel pulled Whedon and installed the Russos as the primary architects of MCU and look what happened. Cap 3 was ridiculous and literally every Marvel film after has scored in the 80s or 90s on Rotten Tomatoes. Not only did these cats helm arguable the best MCU film in Winter Soldier (the first Iron Man, i guess the first Avengers flick, and Homecoming might have something to say about that) but they were trusted with introducing the Marvel golden child, Spider-Man, in Civil War. and he was a goddamn hit! In my screening, people gave Pete a standing ovation. I cried manly tears when i saw him suit up. We have Black Panther on the horizon and the hype for that sh*t is explosive while Infinity war has been brewing for a decade. Marvel is coming up aces. The lowest rated film on Rotten tomatoes is The Incredible Hulk (see, them hulk flicks,man) and it’s at a 67 percent. Over almost a decade and 17 films, the MCU has an average tomatometer rating of about 83 percent.

The DCEU? different f*cking story. These cats are just the worst at this game, man. Their highest rated film is Wonder Woman. She’s sitting at a respectable 92 percent. To be honest, upon repeated viewing, i think it’s more a high 80s flick but still, for what it did with what ist had, i’m not made at the 92. Gal Gadot and Patty Jenkins crafted a heartfelt fairy tale that built up a legit female icon for girls and even boys to look at with admiration. I adore what this film meant on a social level and the fact it blew up the f*cking box office has movie execs standing at attention. Wonder Woman is the best character and overall experience to come out of this sh*tty DCEU. Everything else is trash. The next best reviewed film in the DCEU is Man of Steel, the first in the franchise, at 55 percent. That’s a far cry for the MCU’s initial outing of Iron Man at 94. My lady is a MASSIVE Supes fan and she HATED MOS. She said that wasn’t a Superman movie. She said it was a hodge-podge of nonsense. And it was. Sh*t didn’t get any better either. Since 2013, the DCEU has dropped 5 films, two of which rate less than 30 percent. their average tomatometer rating? 48.2 percent. I’ll be kind and round that up to 49 percent. Why would yo keep throwing money at a studio that ‘s dropping such awful movies? Justice League had it’s problems but i don’t think it’s 49 percent bad. I think audiences don’t trust Warner to their jobs. I think audiences are still burned by that 27 percent BvS debacle. I know they’re still reeling by that cluster f*ck of Suicide Squad. Essentially it’s fool me once, shame on you. Fool me three times, shame on me. Wonder Woman was really good but that’s because it’s more Marvel than not. But fool Me four times? Nah, breh. We learned our lesson. Cats are experiencing Superhero fatigue, we’re experiencing bad movie fatigue. We’re tired of the DCEU producing crap and don’t want to pay for another clusterf*ck. of nonsense.

No one trusts Zack Snyder because he’s awful at telling stories and DC was stupid to put him in charge of their cinematic universe to begin with

300 was dope but that movie lended itself to Snyder’s style of film making. If you’ve ever actually read Frank Miller’s 300 comic, you’d know that it’s all splash pages and action scenes. There’s very little substance in the book itself, just a bunch of cool looking sh*t. There’s no overarching narrative other than these 300 guys stood in there Persian’s way only to die fighting. That’s the narrative for 300. So, for a guy like Snyder who can’t craft a plot to get himself out of a wet paper bag, this was a tale designed for him. All that slow-mo and cg blood was just cool sh*t to see, Snyder is a master at crafting cool looking scenes to see and that 300 flick of his was cool to see Terrible film overall (non existent plot, terribly cheesy dialogue, anti climactic ending) but it was dope to see. This is where, i think, people mistook Snyder’s ability to craft a dope ass action scene for an ability to actually tell a story. People loved 300. It made 456 mil on a 60 mil budget. Critically, it sits at a 60 percent, critically and an 89 percent audience rating. Surprise-Surprise, cool looking sh*t based on cool looking sh*t is popular among the ignorant masses but falls short with people who actually engage cinema on more levels than just cool looking sh*t. So what happens when you give Snyder a heavy plot and meticulously crafted narrative to adapt to film? you get his take on Watchmen.

One of the greatest tales ever written in comic form was Watchmen. Alan Moore crafted a magnum ops of a tale and st it on the backdrop of cold war paranoia. This thing is visceral. This thing is sobering. This thing is real. It peels back the layers of our supposed society and asks hard questions about what it means to be human. So, taking this commentary rick narrative in to account, WB decided to give it to an asshole who couldn’t recognize subtext if it shoved it’s massive cock down his throat in Zack Snyder. Yes, Watchmen is pretty but does it do it’s job as an adaption? F*ck no. None of that gritty, hard question asking, almost malevolent intent at holding society hostage for it’s nonsense. None of it. Instead, we get, like, Watchmen lite. No character development. No social commentary. Not even a period correct piece. Watchmen take place in the 80s. Why do i feel like it’s present day?? Because Zack Snyder is the worst at movies. This thing made 185 mil on a 130 mil budget and sits at a 65 percent (which, i think, is Snyder’s highest critically rated film, ever) on Tomatoes. The audience score was about 71 percent, a significant drop from his last outing with 300. This is Snyder trying to create an actual movie, trying to craft a proper narrative and he lost about 17 percent of his audience,according to Rotten Tomatoes. So WB tripled down on this asshat and gave him a massive budget to do whatever the f*ck he anted with it and we got Sucker Punch. Nd OH BOY, is THAT film problematic.

So Sucker Punch was WB giving Zack Snyder carte blanche and about 8 mil to do whatever he wanted. And this mess of a rape fantasy is what we got. There are just so many thematic, social, and personal problems that ween through it’s terrible, terrible, film. You can see that Snyder hates women or, at least, thinks ridiculously less of the with all of the rampant sexism in this film. You can tell he has no idea how to actually cut a film with that lack of coherency. You can tell he has no idea how to develop characters beyond the literal and shallow tropes that are present in even the most mundane of cinema. This sh*t is a glorified, multi-million dollar, student film based on a fanfiction Snyder wrote when he was 14 years old and barely understood why he got boner or why the popular cheerleader didn’t look his way. Sucker Punch is trash. Sexist, problematic, poorly executed, wildly rapey, trash. And both the audience and critics understood that. It’s sitting at a 47 percent audience rating and a 23 percent critic rating on Tomatoes. No one liked this film. No one went to see it. It only made 89 mil on an 82 mil budget. Sucker Punch proves that Snyder is a bad filmmaker and a crackpot story teller. So WB puts him in charge of one of their most precious and profitable franchises in Superman?

This Zack Snyder is a proven loser and you give him Superman? You give him one of the most recognizable icons in the world and tell him to create a new vision that will be the linchpin of an entire cinematic world to rival the now full steam MCU? Based on 300, Watchmen, and Sucker Punch? Literally all of his films have shown woeful diminished returns but this is the guy you throw the DCEU to, after coming off the Dark Knight Trilogy? F*cking Nolan got you an Oscar on the back of Ledger’s performance as the Joker and instead of giving the reigns of the DCEU to a guy with that sort of vision, you give it to Snyder who can only craft “cool looking sh*t”? really? On top of that, you force him to bring to life a David S. Goyer script, the co-author and co-creator of that wildly successful Dark Knight trilogy, and expect Snyder to execute like Nolan did? Really? Who thought this was a good idea and why?? Where was the guy at the top to say “No”? Which brings me to my next point...

The DCEU needs a guy like Kevin Feige or Kathleen Kennedy to guide their universe and not rely so much on filmakers to execute a vision.

The DCEU needs a Feige to reign this sh*t in. I hear WB touting that a cinematic universe should be helmed by film makers or whatever and they’re tight. But there also needs to be a uniform vision. Someone needs to sit up top to guide the ship. Someone removed from the film making process but still knows a good narrative when he sees it. Someone who understand the business side of movies while understanding what’s necessary to create a compelling film. The DCEU needs a proper producer to sit on top of all of these movie directors and force them to essentially create within the formula. Yje <CU does that and look at their success. Te Star Wars universe is doing that and look at their success. Hell, the Star Wars universe is a perfect example of the same issues the DCEU is having right now.

Look at the original trilogy, Episodes IV to VI. Lucas was sitting on top, even directed the first, but stepped aside to let actual film makers craft an actual narrative after A New Hope. What did we get? F*cking classics. The Empire Strike Back is one of the greatest films ever made and sits on a very short list with The Dark Knight and The Godfather Part II as sequels better than their predecessors. Guess what happened when Lucas decided to make the Prequels himself? Yeah. George Lucas is that visionary with a lot of ideas but lacks the ability to execute them properly. He’s a lot like Zack Snyder in that way and the Prequel trilogy showed that to the world. Disney took those mistakes to heart and basically built a universe system based on the success they’ve had with the MCU and guess what? two movies in, it’s paying off. The Force Awakens and Rogue one are sitting at an average of 89 percent critic rating on Rotten tomatoes. Average. the audience rating is about 88 percent. People love these films and The Last Jedi looks to be a home run as well. They have so much confidence in Rian Johnson, they gave that cat a trilogy to develop on his own. Bet, though, that Kathleen Kennedy is going to be right there, adding her input and making sure it follows that path she has set for the future of the Star War universe. Giving the film makers themselves the reins to the entire universe is a little like letting the patients run the asylum ad the DCEU is worse off for it.

The DCEU should have followed Marvel’s blue print and taken it’s time to flesh out the principal players in their massive team up instead of copping-out with BvS as basically it’s second film into a fledgling franchise

This one, i think, is the biggest reason the DCEU is sh*t. Marvel took it’s time to execute and create a world. We had a Hulk film, two Iron Man flicks, a Thor outing, and a Cap flick before we even got to the Avengers. We knew the character. We loved the universe created. We were invested when Loki snatched the Tesseract. We were five movies into a universe, five decent movies into a world, before cats came together to face off against a rogue god and his alien army. Sure, there were course corrections. Thor was adjusted a bit and Ruffalo was recast as The Hulk but it worked. We go Nat in Iron Man 2 and Clint in Thor. And the Avengers was good. I don’t think it was Dark Knight good but it’s still pretty widely accepted as the superior film for some reason. Marvel took the time to build something. They took the time to establish something. They built up their characters and made sure audiences knew exactly ho they were and what they were about before they even attempted that team up flick. Everything felt organic. The growth felt earned. The DCEU did not go this rout. The y, instead, rushed out BvS instead of MOS II and basically sh*t all over the good will they had with audiences.

BvS should have stuck to one story and carried that over but it didn’t. t was The Dark Knight Returns and The Death of Superman with hints of For All Seasons thrown in just because and none of it meshed. BvS should have bee the climax to a DCEU phase one. Start of with a character driven story about Lois Lane investigating “The Blur” which leads her to the discovery of Superman or whatever. maybe have a token villain or some sort of world cataclysm that needed addressing just to introduced boy scout Supes and call it a day. No Krpytonians yet, maybe have them as the end credit stinger or something. We should have had a Wonder Woman movie before BvS but after SUpes, so, maybe the second one out? And then a throwback Batman outing that established his vigilantism in the past. I would have adapted that excellent Year One story or The Long Halloween, crafted a tale of mystery and noir, Batman’s strengths, as a prequel to the universe it’s self. Wonder Woman could have been exactly hat it was and have her movie with the Motherbox stingers at the end. Sandwich that with another Superman flick, MOS II, that introduced Deathstroke and Metallo while making Luthor (and i don’t have a problem with Jesse Eisenberg’s interpretation. In this day and age, of course Luthor would be Zuckerberg That just makes sense.) the mastermind behind all of this, culminating in him, with the help of the expert Deathstroke, discerning the identities of the Trinity. Set up for Phase two, ya dig? So now you release the MOS as Snyder envisioned, tweaking it ever so slightly into a Trinity movie and not just a Supes film. Kryptonians invade, forcing not only Superman to act but Wonder Woman and Batman, too. Working together, the latter two as the civilians Diana Price and Bruce Wayne so they get a front seat for how much destruction Supes has caused, they subdue subdue the Kryptonians and banish them and/or kill them. Supes can still kill Zod because you have two films establishing that he deosn’t want to do that, that his moral compass dictates that murder is never a thing. Having to kill Zod would shake his world and you can go into that existential Supes we saw in BvS while forcing Bruce to understand how threatening Kryptonians are and Wondy questioning in her banishment from the world of man is actually right.

Phase two Starts of with BvS ad it follows The Dark Knight rises scenario. Luthor pits Supes and Bats against each other because he knows exactly who they are t this point, probably Diana as well, and sets about to have the twi destroy each other. It can be established that he’s already gotten access to the Kryptonian ship and has been working on his “Doomsday Protocol was killed two years earlier or whatever. After being goaded into trying to kill Supes, Bats does his thing, more or less, how it’s seen in BvS without all that Martha bullsh*t. During their battle, Bruce and Clark come to terms and realize that neither really wants this battle and decide to go after the awaiting Luthor who activates Doomsday/Bizzaro. The two engage and, with the help of Wonder Woman, subdue the beast at the cost of Clark’s life. He dead. Bruce visits Luthor ins prision, at his invitation, and reveals that he was able to activate one of the Motherboxes two years ago and the entity on the other side told him about the Kryptonian history of conquest. He continues to explain that everything was a means to remove Superman from earth, because he believes it’s in the world’s best interest, so that their world wouldn't fall like the countless others. Since Luthor was locked away, Bruce is the only other person in the world with the means and will to continue his work to which Bruce agrees but decided to do it his own way.

Bruce’s nonchalant dismissal would infuriate Luthor even more and the seeds of The Legion of Doom have been sowed for future titles. Little did Luthor know, however, that it was Steppenwolf on the other side of that Motherbox trying to find a way back to earth in order to enslave it. He used Luthor to remove the greatest threat to his conquest, the Superman, and it worked. The earth is defenseless and Batman knows it. So he sets about to find cats with powers as a means to defend them from what’s coming. And now you move forward Witt the standalone Flash, Cyborg, and Aquaman films. Maybe a Wonder Woman sequel and then drop that first Justice League flick. It can basically be what we got now. which fits, for the most part, with what i would have established. SO, now, instead of having basically two book e films in your five film world, you have about 11 of varying popularity, in about 7 years. maybe 10. The point is, you’ve built something. Something good. Something compelling. Something substantial. Something worth coming back to, again and again.

You see how taking the time to craft a universe sets you up for spectacular success? You see how telling good stories can compel others to want to create better stories?  The MCU understands this. The Star Wars universe understands this. You can’t rush these things in an effort to cash-in or compete You need to go t your own pace and make sure the product is up to snuff. The DCEU didn’t do that. They rushed in with no plan or strategy and released sh*t. Why was Suicide Squad even on the docket? how does that film fit into the DCEU? There was literally no mention of it in Justice League and you’d think an attack by a thousand year old witch would be something cats would want to speak on. nope. The what was the point of it all? Sh*t’s whack son.

At the end of the day, no one trusts the DCEU aymore

Justice League failed because the DCEU is failing. People imply don’t trust WB to deliver stories on the same level of Marvel. The DCEU is looked at more as another Dark Universe, which is now defunct, rather than something with promise like the Star Wars universe or something established like the MCU. They’ve earned the reputation of shilling sh*t and that sticks. Cats want good cape flick. They want to see their heroes portrayed brilliantly. The want to go to a film that’s pretty, entertaining, and enriching. No one wants to watch that dark ass BvS. No one wants to see an out of context, somber ass Superman. Vats want the comradery of that Timmverse Justice League. Cats want to see their heroes represented in live action as well as they have been in their animated outings. The thing is, though, i don’t think anyone believes the DCEU can deliver that level of quality. I think everyone is tired of giving these cats chances. I liked Justice League a little bit. I thought the tone was a decent, if jarring, combination of levity and seriousness. In someone else’s hands, there is a great f*cking movie there. But, Snyder has his mits all over this thing and it shows. Bringing in Whedon to clean up was a stroke of genius but it was too little too late for JL. And, to be honest, it might be too little too late for the entire DCEU.

[smokeybrand]

We Can Be Heroes

So i took in Ragnarok a second time and even wrote an in depth review about it. I said i wanted to compare and contrast between JL, more because Marvel has released some solid films both directly from Marvel Studios and their franchised heroes to other studios, in particular Fox. Logan is the second greatest cape flick i have ever seen, after the Dark Knight. I don’t throw that distinction around lightly because TDK is one of the greatest films, overall, ever made and Logan can give it a run for it’s money any day. Outside of that flick, Homecoming was spectacular and so was Guardians. I have already gushed about Ragnarok and even Wonder Woman was on point. So why was Justice League so bad? Why did no one go to see it?

I’m not sating that Justice League is a flop. Of course not. It made a pretty penny. It had, like, a 96 million dollar opening last week. Cash money. The thing is, if i know the box office, that’s unsustainable. A good drop in the week two run is around 40 to 50 percent. I’m not sure what the week two drop was but, considering all of the cats i saw looking to check out Coco and the fact my screening of Ragnarok was full, i imagine it’s going to be pretty substantial. Probably high 50 to mid 60s which is not was Warner Bros. wants. That’d be terrible news. Considering it only made about 185 mil in the foreign markets over opening weekend, that mid 60percent is looking better and better. So how is it Marvel keeps knocking these things out of the park and DC keeps stumbling across the finish line? As a comic fan, Marvel Fanboy, and cinemaphile, i wanted to throw my two cents into the argument because i find it all very intriguing

DCEU Fatigue

There are cats talking about superhero fatigue. I’ve been hearing that thrown around a lot lately. I don’t think that’s accurate. There are too many of us millennials out here, of age, starting our own families, that are afflicted with that crazy childhood nostalgia because we’re all latchkey kids, particularly the older of us. Cats like me, born in the early to mid 80s, adore comic books and Saturday morning cartoons. We loved the escapism as the excess of greed and selfishness during the 80s tore our families apart. Among our “Oregon Trail” generation, we have some of the highest rates of divorce so escapism was real.  We threw ourselves into Nintendo, BTAS, and Marvel comics. We brought our younger siblings, those notorious and oft maligned by the media as the true “millennials”, those youngsters born in the 90s, into our world of comic book distraction, cartoon interference, and video game diversion. To see all of those heroes we followed as kids put up on the big screen with massive budgets and SFX spectacle is like catnip to us. The market is rife with prime demographics for these films and, as log as they’re good, there’s no stopping that machine. But that’s the overall problem.

Marvel has been doing this since 2008. They stumbled in a few outings (The two Hulk films, the first two Thor films, and to a lesser extent Iron Man 2 and Age of Ultron) but they have also shined brilliantly along the way while taking crazy risks. No one knew who the f*ck the Guardians of the Galaxy were or why Chris Pratt would even be cast in a superhero role but look; That first Guardians film is a classic and the second, even with all of it’s missteps, is a goddamn joy to watch. Pratt is a huge star now and people are looking to GOT to set that Cosmic Marvel tone. James Gunn’s visibility as a director has increased considerably, to the point that Taika Waititi took a little of their tone and levity into his own MCU outing, Ragnarok. And, again, i adored that flick. When Ultron came out and audiences reacted with mild tepidness, Marvel pulled Whedon and installed the Russos as the primary architects of MCU and look what happened. Cap 3 was ridiculous and literally every Marvel film after has scored in the 80s or 90s on Rotten Tomatoes. Not only did these cats helm arguable the best MCU film in Winter Soldier (the first Iron Man, i guess the first Avengers flick, and Homecoming might have something to say about that) but they were trusted with introducing the Marvel golden child, Spider-Man, in Civil War. and he was a goddamn hit! In my screening, people gave Pete a standing ovation. I cried manly tears when i saw him suit up. We have Black Panther on the horizon and the hype for that sh*t is explosive while Infinity war has been brewing for a decade. Marvel is coming up aces. The lowest rated film on Rotten tomatoes is The Incredible Hulk (see, them hulk flicks,man) and it’s at a 67 percent. Over almost a decade and 17 films, the MCU has an average tomatometer rating of about 83 percent.

The DCEU? different f*cking story. These cats are just the worst at this game, man. Their highest rated film is Wonder Woman. She’s sitting at a respectable 92 percent. To be honest, upon repeated viewing, i think it’s more a high 80s flick but still, for what it did with what ist had, i’m not made at the 92. Gal Gadot and Patty Jenkins crafted a heartfelt fairy tale that built up a legit female icon for girls and even boys to look at with admiration. I adore what this film meant on a social level and the fact it blew up the f*cking box office has movie execs standing at attention. Wonder Woman is the best character and overall experience to come out of this sh*tty DCEU. Everything else is trash. The next best reviewed film in the DCEU is Man of Steel, the first in the franchise, at 55 percent. That’s a far cry for the MCU’s initial outing of Iron Man at 94. My lady is a MASSIVE Supes fan and she HATED MOS. She said that wasn’t a Superman movie. She said it was a hodge-podge of nonsense. And it was. Sh*t didn’t get any better either. Since 2013, the DCEU has dropped 5 films, two of which rate less than 30 percent. their average tomatometer rating? 48.2 percent. I’ll be kind and round that up to 49 percent. Why would yo keep throwing money at a studio that ‘s dropping such awful movies? Justice League had it’s problems but i don’t think it’s 49 percent bad. I think audiences don’t trust Warner to their jobs. I think audiences are still burned by that 27 percent BvS debacle. I know they’re still reeling by that cluster f*ck of Suicide Squad. Essentially it’s fool me once, shame on you. Fool me three times, shame on me. Wonder Woman was really good but that’s because it’s more Marvel than not. But fool Me four times? Nah, breh. We learned our lesson. Cats are experiencing Superhero fatigue, we’re experiencing bad movie fatigue. We’re tired of the DCEU producing crap and don’t want to pay for another clusterf*ck. of nonsense.

No one trusts Zack Snyder because he’s awful at telling stories and DC was stupid to put him in charge of their cinematic universe to begin with

300 was dope but that movie lended itself to Snyder’s style of film making. If you’ve ever actually read Frank Miller’s 300 comic, you’d know that it’s all splash pages and action scenes. There’s very little substance in the book itself, just a bunch of cool looking sh*t. There’s no overarching narrative other than these 300 guys stood in there Persian’s way only to die fighting. That’s the narrative for 300. So, for a guy like Snyder who can’t craft a plot to get himself out of a wet paper bag, this was a tale designed for him. All that slow-mo and cg blood was just cool sh*t to see, Snyder is a master at crafting cool looking scenes to see and that 300 flick of his was cool to see Terrible film overall (non existent plot, terribly cheesy dialogue, anti climactic ending) but it was dope to see. This is where, i think, people mistook Snyder’s ability to craft a dope ass action scene for an ability to actually tell a story. People loved 300. It made 456 mil on a 60 mil budget. Critically, it sits at a 60 percent, critically and an 89 percent audience rating. Surprise-Surprise, cool looking sh*t based on cool looking sh*t is popular among the ignorant masses but falls short with people who actually engage cinema on more levels than just cool looking sh*t. So what happens when you give Snyder a heavy plot and meticulously crafted narrative to adapt to film? you get his take on Watchmen.

One of the greatest tales ever written in comic form was Watchmen. Alan Moore crafted a magnum ops of a tale and st it on the backdrop of cold war paranoia. This thing is visceral. This thing is sobering. This thing is real. It peels back the layers of our supposed society and asks hard questions about what it means to be human. So, taking this commentary rick narrative in to account, WB decided to give it to an asshole who couldn’t recognize subtext if it shoved it’s massive cock down his throat in Zack Snyder. Yes, Watchmen is pretty but does it do it’s job as an adaption? F*ck no. None of that gritty, hard question asking, almost malevolent intent at holding society hostage for it’s nonsense. None of it. Instead, we get, like, Watchmen lite. No character development. No social commentary. Not even a period correct piece. Watchmen take place in the 80s. Why do i feel like it’s present day?? Because Zack Snyder is the worst at movies. This thing made 185 mil on a 130 mil budget and sits at a 65 percent  (which, i think, is Snyder’s highest critically rated film, ever) on Tomatoes. The audience score was about 71 percent, a significant drop from his last outing with 300. This is Snyder trying to create an actual movie, trying to craft a proper narrative and he lost about 17 percent of his audience,according to Rotten Tomatoes. So WB tripled down on this asshat and gave him a massive budget to do whatever the f*ck he anted with it and we got Sucker Punch. Nd OH BOY, is THAT film problematic.

So Sucker Punch was WB giving Zack Snyder carte blanche and about 8 mil to do whatever he wanted. And this mess of a rape fantasy is what we got. There are just so many thematic, social, and personal problems that ween through it’s terrible, terrible, film. You can see that Snyder hates women or, at least, thinks ridiculously less of the with all of the rampant sexism in this film. You can tell he has no idea how to actually cut a film with that lack of coherency. You can tell he has no idea how to develop characters beyond the literal and shallow tropes that are present in even the most mundane of cinema. This sh*t is a glorified, multi-million dollar, student film based on a fanfiction Snyder wrote when he was 14 years old and barely understood why he got boner or why the popular cheerleader didn’t look his way. Sucker Punch is trash. Sexist, problematic, poorly executed, wildly rapey, trash. And both the audience and critics understood that. It’s sitting at a 47 percent audience rating and a 23 percent critic rating on Tomatoes. No one liked this film. No one went to see it. It only made 89 mil on an 82 mil budget. Sucker Punch proves that Snyder is a bad filmmaker and a crackpot story teller. So WB puts him in charge of one of their most precious and profitable franchises in Superman?

This Zack Snyder is a proven loser and you give him Superman? You give him one of the most recognizable icons in the world and tell him to create a new vision that will be the linchpin of an entire cinematic world to rival the now full steam MCU? Based on 300, Watchmen, and Sucker Punch? Literally all of his films have shown woeful diminished returns but this is the guy you throw the DCEU to, after coming off the Dark Knight Trilogy? F*cking Nolan got you an Oscar on the back of Ledger’s performance as the Joker and instead of giving the reigns of the DCEU to a guy with that sort of vision, you give it to Snyder who can only craft “cool looking sh*t”? really? On top of that, you force him to bring to life a David S. Goyer script, the co-author and co-creator of that wildly successful Dark Knight trilogy, and expect Snyder to execute like Nolan did? Really? Who thought this was a good idea and why?? Where was the guy at the top to say “No”? Which brings me to my next point...

The DCEU needs a guy like Kevin Feige or Kathleen Kennedy to guide their universe and not rely so much on filmakers to execute a vision. 

The DCEU needs a Feige to reign this sh*t in. I hear WB touting that a cinematic universe should be helmed by film makers or whatever and they’re tight. But there also needs to be a uniform vision. Someone needs to sit up top to guide the ship. Someone removed from the film making process but still knows a good narrative when he sees it. Someone who understand the business side of movies while understanding what’s necessary to create a compelling film. The DCEU needs a proper producer to sit on top of all of these movie directors and force them to essentially create within the formula. The MCU does that and look at their success. Te Star Wars universe is doing that and look at their success. Hell, the Star Wars universe is a perfect example of the same issues the DCEU is having right now.

Look at the original trilogy, Episodes IV to VI. Lucas was sitting on top, even directed the first, but stepped aside to let actual film makers craft an actual narrative after A New Hope. What did we get? F*cking classics. The Empire Strike Back is one of the greatest films ever made and sits on a very short list with The Dark Knight and The Godfather Part II as sequels better than their predecessors. Guess what happened when Lucas decided to make the Prequels himself? Yeah. George Lucas is that visionary with a lot of ideas but lacks the ability to execute them properly. He’s a lot like Zack Snyder in that way and the Prequel trilogy showed that to the world. Disney took those mistakes to heart and basically built a universe system based on the success they’ve had with the MCU and guess what? two movies in, it’s paying off. The Force Awakens and Rogue one are sitting at an average of 89 percent critic rating on Rotten tomatoes. Average. the audience rating is about 88 percent. People love these films and The Last Jedi looks to be a home run as well. They have so much confidence in Rian Johnson, they gave that cat a trilogy to develop on his own. Bet, though, that Kathleen Kennedy is going to be right there, adding her input and making sure it follows that path she has set for the future of the Star War universe. Giving the film makers themselves the reins to the entire universe is a little like letting the patients run the asylum ad the DCEU is worse off for it.

The DCEU should have followed Marvel’s blue print and taken it’s time to flesh out the principal players in their massive team up instead of copping-out with BvS as basically it’s second film into a fledgling franchise

This one, i think, is the biggest reason the DCEU is sh*t. Marvel took it’s time to execute and create a world. We had a Hulk film, two Iron Man flicks, a Thor outing, and a Cap flick before we even got to the Avengers. We knew the character. We loved the universe created. We were invested when Loki snatched the Tesseract. We were five movies into a universe, five decent movies into a world, before cats came together to face off against a rogue god and his alien army. Sure, there were course corrections. Thor was adjusted a bit and Ruffalo was recast as The Hulk but it worked. We go Nat in Iron Man 2 and Clint in Thor. And the Avengers was good. I don’t think it was Dark Knight good but it’s still pretty widely accepted as the superior film for some reason. Marvel took the time to build something. They took the time to establish something. They built up their characters and made sure audiences knew exactly ho they were and what they were about before they even attempted that team up flick. Everything felt organic. The growth felt earned. The DCEU did not go this rout. The y, instead, rushed out BvS instead of MOS II and basically sh*t all over the good will they had with audiences.

BvS should have stuck to one story and carried that over but it didn’t. t was The Dark Knight Returns and The Death of Superman with hints of For All Seasons thrown in just because and none of it meshed. BvS should have bee the climax to a DCEU phase one. Start of with a character driven story about Lois Lane investigating “The Blur” which leads her to the discovery of Superman or whatever. maybe have a token villain or some sort of world cataclysm that needed addressing just to introduced boy scout Supes and call it a day. No Krpytonians yet, maybe have them as the end credit stinger or something. We should have had a Wonder Woman movie before BvS but after SUpes, so, maybe the second one out? And then a throwback Batman outing that established his vigilantism in the past. I would have adapted that excellent Year One story or The Long Halloween, crafted a tale of mystery and noir, Batman’s strengths, as a prequel to the universe it’s self. Wonder Woman could have been exactly hat it was and have her movie with the Motherbox stingers at the end. Sandwich that with another Superman flick, MOS II, that introduced Deathstroke and Metallo while making Luthor (and i don’t have a problem with Jesse Eisenberg’s interpretation. In this day and age, of course Luthor would be Zuckerberg That just makes sense.) the mastermind behind all of this, culminating in him, with the help of the expert Deathstroke, discerning the identities of the Trinity. Set up for Phase two, ya dig? So now you release the MOS as Snyder envisioned, tweaking it ever so slightly into a Trinity movie and not just a Supes film. Kryptonians invade, forcing not only Superman to act but Wonder Woman and Batman, too. Working together, the latter two as the civilians Diana Price and Bruce Wayne so they get a front seat for how much destruction Supes has caused, they subdue subdue the Kryptonians and banish them and/or kill them. Supes can still kill Zod because you have two films establishing that he deosn’t want to do that, that his moral compass dictates that murder is never a thing. Having to kill Zod would shake his world and you can go into that existential Supes we saw in BvS while forcing Bruce to understand how threatening Kryptonians are and Wondy questioning in her banishment from the world of man is actually right.

Phase two Starts of with BvS ad it follows The Dark Knight rises scenario. Luthor pits Supes and Bats against each other because he knows exactly who they are t this point, probably Diana as well, and sets about to have the twi destroy each other. It can be established that he’s already gotten access to the Kryptonian ship and has been working on his “Doomsday Protocol was killed two years earlier or whatever. After being goaded into trying to kill Supes, Bats does his thing, more or less, how it’s seen in BvS without all that Martha bullsh*t. During their battle, Bruce and Clark come to terms and realize that neither really wants this battle and decide to go after the awaiting Luthor who activates Doomsday/Bizzaro. The two engage and, with the help of Wonder Woman, subdue the beast at the cost of Clark’s life. He dead. Bruce visits Luthor ins prision, at his invitation, and reveals that he was able to activate one of the Motherboxes two years ago and the entity on the other side told him about the Kryptonian history of conquest. He continues to explain that everything was a means to remove Superman from earth, because he believes it’s in the world’s best interest, so that their world wouldn't fall like the countless others. Since Luthor was locked away, Bruce is the only other person in the world with the means and will to continue his work to which Bruce agrees but decided to do it his own way.

Bruce’s nonchalant dismissal would infuriate Luthor even more and the seeds of The Legion of Doom have been sowed for future titles. Little did Luthor know, however, that it was Steppenwolf on the other side of that Motherbox trying to find a way back to earth in order to enslave it. He used Luthor to remove the greatest threat to his conquest, the Superman, and it worked. The earth is defenseless and Batman knows it. So he sets about to find cats with powers as a means to defend them from what’s coming. And now you move forward Witt the standalone Flash, Cyborg, and Aquaman films. Maybe a Wonder Woman sequel and then drop that first Justice League flick. It can basically be what we got now. which fits, for the most part, with what i would have established. SO, now, instead of having basically two book e films in your five film world, you have about 11 of varying popularity, in about 7 years. maybe 10. The point is, you’ve built something. Something good. Something compelling. Something substantial. Something worth coming back to, again and again.

You see how taking the time to craft a universe sets you up for spectacular success? You see how telling good stories can compel others to want to create better stories?  The MCU understands this. The Star Wars universe understands this. You can’t rush these things in an effort to cash-in or compete You need to go t your own pace and make sure the product is up to snuff. The DCEU didn’t do that. They rushed in with no plan or strategy and released sh*t. Why was Suicide Squad even on the docket? how does that film fit into the DCEU? There was literally no mention of it in Justice League and you’d think an attack by a thousand year old witch would be something cats would want to speak on. nope. The what was the point of it all? Sh*t’s whack son.

At the end of the day, no one trusts the DCEU aymore

Justice League failed because the DCEU is failing. People imply don’t trust WB to deliver stories on the same level of Marvel. The DCEU is looked at more as another Dark Universe, which is now defunct, rather than something with promise like the Star Wars universe or something established like the MCU. They’ve earned the reputation of shilling sh*t and that sticks. Cats want good cape flick. They want to see their heroes portrayed brilliantly. The want to go to a film that’s pretty, entertaining, and enriching. No one wants to watch that dark ass BvS. No one wants to see an out of context, somber ass Superman. Vats want the comradery of that Timmverse Justice League. Cats want to see their heroes represented in live action as well as they have been in their animated outings. The thing is, though, i don’t think anyone believes the DCEU can deliver that level of quality. I think everyone is tired of giving these cats chances. I liked Justice League a little bit. I thought the tone was a decent, if jarring, combination of levity and seriousness. In someone else’s hands, there is a great f*cking movie there. But, Snyder has his mits all over this thing and it shows. Bringing in Whedon to clean up was a stroke of genius but it was too little too late for JL. And, to be honest, it might be too little too late for the entire DCEU.