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ravenclaw-questions-gone-writing · 3 years

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Ven’s Idea Outline #1 (Maribat)

Remember that MariDamiJon fic that I mentioned I was going to do for the gift exchange? It’s still bouncing around in my head and Luka decided to join in so I’ve decided to at least make an outline in (assuredly vain) hopes that it will leave me alone for a bit.

Ao3

Part 1

Typical Daminette but Hanahaki style bc I can’t find any Maribat hanahaki fics and I need one and I can’t find any.

Dick and Damian sent to scope out Paris for Hawkmoth related reasons

Jon goes with bc he’s Damian’s emotional support kryptonian but he might arrive later This idea has been removed but I like it so I will share it.

Damian is getting familiar with the new battlegrounds taking a walk in the park when a girl falls from a tree and lands on top of him

The girl apologizes profusely before explaining that she’s really clumsy and she was just trying to help a kitten stuck in the tree

It’s not love at first sight but Damian appreciates an animal lover and is slightly less of an ass than he would usually be

Might mix this with my Blossom Soulmate AU that I never got around to finishing and posting, now that I think about it

Anyway, Damian helps her get the cat down from the tree

He latches onto this potential information source who is not as annoying as most other people and sticks with her

They become friends friendly acquaintances and he drops by her school to pick up her up after she agreed to show him around Paris.

Debating Lila salt...

Debating Class salt...

If yes: Damian walks into a scene where Marinette and sweeps Marinette away without a word to the rest of her class

If no: Damian arrives and proceeds to wait for her outside by his motorcycle

Either way, his appearance makes waves in Dupont’s rumor mills

They do not know he’s Damian Wayne, just that there’s a dude who attractive enough to be model with a motorcycle waiting for the schools (tragic, if salt) sunshine fashion princess.

Robin and Nightwing meet up with Ladybug and Chat Noir to offer their help in figuring out who Hawkmoth is, as well as fighting and training.

Full Miraculous court meeting with Ryuko, Viperion, Queen Bee, Carapace, Rena Rouge, Pegasus, Bunnyx, and Monkey king. (Rena Rouge is removed if Class salt. Replaced with Fox!Nath or Fox!Julieka)

Ladybug and Robin get along

About two weeks in Adrien starts officially dating Kagami.

Another week passes and Damian finds out Marinette has been coughing flower petals and her unrequited love is her classmate Adrien Agreste.

She refuses to remove the hanahaki - this version is the standard they can’t fall in love ever again if they remove it.

This revelation makes him oddly uneasy, it isn’t until his own Hanahaki shows up later that night that realizes he understands why.

Damian does a pretty good job of hiding it.

Dick knows something is up but he’s trying to give Damian more space so he doesn’t look into it and trusts Damian would ask him if it’s life threatening

Ladybug notices his discomfort on patrol and they talk

He is surprised to learn Ladybug also has it and Robin comes up with the brilliant idea that they should fall in love with each other.

There is precedent that if you fall out of love with the person, the Hanahaki will go away. But falling out of love is difficult and not easily done. There must be no lingering romantic feelings at all.

Ladybug encourages Robin to chase his crush first, because he at least has a chance if the girl he likes also has it.

Cue the debates

If Ladybug wins: Enter Damian going all out in flirty assassin seduction techniques from his mother - Good Talia that kills rapists, none of that she raped Bruce bs, she actually had a good relationship with Bruce and a mutual breakup because of differing views on killing people - that he’s barely used since his lessons on it in the league and romantic advice from Dick.

He goes full on Bitch-sensei from assassination classroom.

He’s commissioned a shirt from Marinette. She gets to design it however she wants.

It is a long sleeved button up, specifically made to accentuate his muscles without being too revealing.

That’s the shirt he wears when he asks her out with flowers and a stuffed kitten holding a stuffed wood board that says “please date me” He has his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, top button undone. Collar and hair ruffled up for maximum sensuality. He’s got a lot of references between all the people he knows (Bruce, Talia, Selina, Dick, and really his whole family is full of objectively attractive, seductive people he can reference. Just as long as he avoids mimicking their failing romantic habits, he should be fine.)

He tries to be suave about it but is a little too nervous to completely pull it off. It doesn’t matter because Marinette finds it endearing.

On the date, he’s more confident and is able to pull off suave bastard much better but only at the end. He’s a gentleman until the very end, when he leaves her in the bakery

He goes in, and twirls her admittedly short hair around his finger, maintaining eye contact as he presses his lips against her hair - it’s admittedly harder than he expected given how short it is but being so close made it more intimate and the blush on her face was definitely worth it

He leaves in the bakery slightly dazed and counts the date as a success.

Marinette’s mind shut down bc damn that boy is fine and smooth af is flustered and confused as heck but she’s willing to give him a shot

Alternatively: Marinette’s not sure about dating Damian because she feels like she’s just using him to get rid of her hanahaki bc of the idea that Robin had proposed.

Dick is ecstatic that Damian was acting weird because he had a crush and loved helping his brother out with this date planning in the city of love

He doesn’t report it back to the batfam yet because they had a small argument about it and Damian pulled away with the small victory of Dick has to wait until after the first date to tell them.

Damian is glad he Marinette’s willing to give him a chance but he’s worried about Ladybug

he wonders if he should set her up with Tim or Duke, it’d be a shame to lose a friend and hero like her.

Robin brings up his success to Ladybug and asks if there’s anything he can do to help her.

She notes that a friend had actually confessed to her and she’s giving them a chance.

They accidentally compare notes on their dates and that’s their reveal.

If Robin wins: An awkward start that smooths into moonlit dates on the Eiffel tower, dancing on rooftops, an increase in flirting but only after battles, never before it bc they have a professional reputation to keep, increasingly physical training routines, stolen kisses but not on lips until they’re more comfortable with each other.

Fast tracked mutual slow burn which kinda defeats the purpose of a slow burn but whatever

I have realized these ideas are not mutually exclusive.

Maybe Ladybug wins first but Damian fails to seduce Marinette because she has the doubts so they go with plan B and date each other. Ladybug is more comfortable with the idea of dating Robin because they both have Hanahaki and are knowingly using each other to get rid of it?

There is no identity reveal in this version

Complaint Break time: I was writing this to get it out but it keeps growing, wtf. This is so long and I haven’t even gotten to the main part.

It was supposed to be an established Daminette but I wanted to show how they got together, this was supposed to be like 5 bullet points, 10 tops.

At some point, I’m going to have to mention the rumor that people with Hanahaki are being kidnapped because the flowers that bloom after their death make great medicine but that cures most illnesses and are good potions ingredient whatever, something along those lines. It’s not the ones they cough up but the flowers that grow on the vines constricting their lungs after until they die and only blossom after death. Those flowers that spread the pollen into the air that makes the Hanahaki disease possible.

That’s why people keep it a secret unless they’re going to get the surgery as there’s not other way to treat it.

But that’s a plot point for part 2.

I feel like this is already longer than anything I’ve put out at this point in time.

Back to the story:

Even though they’re dating, the Hanahaki doesn’t go away immediately. It slows and becomes less frequent but there are times when they think of how their love doesn’t return their feelings and the flowers come back with a vengeance and they’re down for the day, possibly the entire week, hacking up flower petals and buds.

(Ladybug Wins version until otherwise stated) It’s during one of these fits that Dick finds out and is angry at this girl playing with his brother’s feelings.

Damian is too busy hacking up bloody flower petals to correct him

The entire batfam and subsequently Superfam now know the batfam’s youngest has hanahaki

Jon is called in and flies in to help keep an eye on his best friend

Bruce, Jason, Tim, and Duke are shocked but they pack up and are ready to go in guns blazing to have a talk with this girl bc the boys might not be on the best terms but that’s their baby brother. The girls stay behind to hold down the fort (because I need more time to get familiar with them before I can confidently write their characters. I’m not too confident about Duke either but I already mentioned him and it’s too late to back out now.)

So, Damian’s brothers and his father track her down to a different park in Paris where Marinette’s hanging out with her friends

They’re incised to find their brother’s girlfriend with another guy’s arm around her, leading her away from the main group of friends

It’s Luka, he’s helping her hide her hanahaki because she assures him that she has it under control and will go with him to the hospital if it becomes too much

They confront the couple

There’s a lot of intimidating posturing and accusations

Batfam is absolutely not prepared for the bloody flowers that spill from her lips - her hanahaki is even worse than Damian’s

Detective bats (correctly or incorrectly, depending on which version happens) put the pieces together and figure they’re dating to get rid of the hanahaki, that is something Damian would absolutely propose

and oh shit, this time it’s not just Bruce that’s adopting someone. They have a little sister now.

Luka explains what he knows about the situation and basically confirms what they’d deduced.

Welp, since they’re here, Hawkmoth has become top priority.

Hawkmoth takes one look at the Miraculous circle and the new set of bats and just- nopes out plus super boy and just nopes out.

Like, he tries but he has no expectation of winning and tries to run instead. It doesn’t work, they have all grounds covered.

I should probably make use of Mayura if I ever do write everything out but she didn’t really leave much of an impression on me tbh and I don’t have a lot of ideas. Maybe if I ever go back and watch it.

Celebratory, on-the-spot kiss between Robin and Ladybug where they do “oh“ and realize the pressure in their chest is finally gone and the Hanahaki is no more.

(Robin Wins) Dick is obliviously happy about little Robin leaving the nest and finding a mate until he finds out both the little heroes coughing up flower petals on their date

then he goes in and mother hens them both, before demanding answers

He’s also less happy about this whole dating thing

Dick can’t do much about Ladybug without revealing her identity but Damian isn’t getting out of it so easily

Dick figures out who Damian’s crushing on and goes to do a little investigating. He is very surprised to see it’s a bubbly, energetic designer girl and not someone... calmer. But then he thinks of Jon and it makes a little more sense

He talks to her, asks about what she thinks of Damian and is pleasantly surprised by her positive view of his brother. He asks if she would go out with him and she coughs up some petals

Now, Dick’s freaking out and why are there so many children with Hanahaki? This is the third one in two days!

fast forward because I’m finally out of ideas for this part

Ladybug knows she’s fallen for Robin, which was the entire point of them dating but she not sure he actually reciprocates or is still trying to forget that other girl.

Or if you went the other way, Robin’s still chasing Marinette but Ladybug now likes Robin and is aware that he’s trying to woo her. So, out of the frying pan and into another for her.

Robin is absolutely having regrets bc he is an emotional wreck and crushing on two girls and this was not supposed to happen, damnit.

A meta gets akumatized and takes out half the miraculous court but turns out the meta’s psychic ability can help track Hawkmoth so its all cool, now that they know what Hawkmoth feels like

Ladybug, Chat Noir, Ryuko, and Robin vs Hawkmoth and Mayura

Nightwing stayed behind to watch the other heroes are no longer brain dead from the battle but boy are they out of it and he has to make sure they get home safe

that does not mean he’s not extremely put out and worried about it since he knows half the team has hanahaki and it may interfere with the fight

Even if the Ladybug suit lessens the hanahaki attacks, they still happen from time to time

For two people who don’t show up to fight often Hawkmoth and Mayura put up a good fight

Ladybug has an hanahaki attack and Hawkmoth tried to take advantage of it, only to get knocked out by Chat Noir who’s still pissed at his dad for causing this whole thing

Chat Noir and Ryuko are pretty shocked Ladybug has hanahaki, even more her timer runs out and she choses to present it to Robin

Robin is shook

He gets it together and pulls her into a kiss that cures their hanahaki and makes their brains melt

Now Marinette’s kinda confused bc what the other girl

Damian, slightly shifting his mask so she can see who he is: That other girl was YOU

Now Marinette’s the one who’s shook

Note: Chat Noir and Ryuko have both de-transformed at this point and are watching with wide eyes but they do not see who is under that mask. Also, no cameras in this section of the manor bc that would be proof.

They have a lot to talk about but it works out in the end.

the outline above was written out of order bc I had to go back everytime a new idea hit and I cannot be bothered to go back and dodeca-check this thing again just to make sure everything makes sense.

Part 2 (that was supposed to be the main story- finally made it, the starting point. I cry.)

Ok, so, now that Daminette is established and the evil is defeated

Damian returns to Gotham with his girlfriend in tow to introduce her to the rest of his family, despite his better judgement

Jon is happy that Damian is in happy, loving relationship but he’s a bit sad that it’s not him and oop, sunshine kryptonian boy got hanahaki’d.

Same for Luka. (Yes, Jagged will be his dad and a Gothamite.)

Jagged and his kids join them in Gotham bc he has to be there to show his favorite designer niece around to all the best places of his hometown.

Luka finds out Jon has Hanahaki and they bond over the experience

They make a pact to cover each other and get the other to the hospital when it gets to that point

Pining/Simping meetings over their best friends that for some unknown reason seem to lessen the flower coughing over time even though these meetings probably make things worse but they also need vent before it increases again.

Luka and Jon beginning to fall for each other but they think the other is still in love with Marinette/Damian and it’s true that they still hold feelings for their best friends that aren’t diminishing in the sleightest and it’s all very confusing.

It’s even more confusing when we add the new hero in Gotham, Viperion who’s there to continue training with the bats since he’s visiting the area, rescues and lightly flirts with Jon who ended up developing a small crush and Jon realizes he has a type.

So, poor Jon’s now crushing on Damian, Luka, and Viperion

Viperion meets Superboy and the kryptonian doesn’t seem to like him?

Luka’s crushing on Marinette, Jon - still doesn’t know that Damian is Robin. And is kinda curious and a little hurt that the Robin’s oddly familiar kryptonian is actively and obviously avoiding him and that heart song is kind of familiar but different.

Viperion also gains a crush on Robin after watching him take down a thug in a very graceful way - the bird was showing off for his bug and decided to make it a little showier, he accidentally also caught a snake

Ladybug and Robin still flirt but the court - aside from Ryuko and Chat, depending on which version - think that’s just their dynamic, though they do pull Robin aside for a bit to tell him she has a boyfriend now. He assured them it’s fine and he knows, oddly amused at their attempt.

man, I am not original with this identity porn thing

It isn’t until Luka sees Jon again that he puts it together.

Marinette suspiciously notes Luka and Jon been hanging out an awful lot she’s making connections to the time she had hanahaki and Luka covered for her

The pains of befriending deductive genii.

Cue the panic and they accidentally claim they’re dating but it throws Marinette off for now, so it kinda worked?

Hanahaki fic with a fake dating AU. Oops.

Mari decides since she and Damian don’t know this, they must have been neglecting their best friends and double dates are the way to go.

Cue more panic

Unlike Marinette who is willing to trust their word, Damian’s a suspicious bastard who’s kind of dubious and a little salty that Jon didn’t tell him earlier if they’re telling the truth but Mari’s all gung ho about it so he lets it go for now

They go on the date and it is an emotional mess for everyone involved

It starts out fine

Jon and Luka act a bit weird because they have to cover for each other randomly coughing up petals, not to mention they’re on a date with their original crushes without actually dating their original crushes not even mentioning their new crushes and the secret identity reveal that Luka still hasn’t confronted Jon on and Jon’s guiltily thinking about Viperion half the time he thinks about Luka and shouldn’t it be the other way around?

Yeah, so they’re a mess

Damian’s watching them like he’s trying to figure them out and it is not helping but thank god Mari’s distracting him totally on accident

Marinette? She found a random lost kid in Gotham looking for their parents

So now the double date’s been temporarily derailed to help the lost kid

While Damian’s watching Marinette try pass the crying kid off to Jon for a moment so she can make a phone call to report a lost child but the kid’s clinging onto Marinette, and they exchange looks so Jon calls in the lost kid instead and he’s just struck with the idea of a family with the three of them and some kids

Cue panic time (again)

Ignoring the thought of children, why was Jon in his fantasy?

Luka’s just watching a smitten boy go into panic mode over the trio and while doesn’t quite know what’s going on in Damian’s head, but that was really cute and oh not again

They find the kid’s parents, and the date moves on

Jon’s more comfortable, Marinette wasn’t really bothered in the first place. Luka and Damian are now having crises

Luka makes a joke under his breath in an attempt to calm down before his Hanahaki acts up

It did not help bc Damian overhears and gives a small amused snort that made his heart stutter but hey positive interaction!

Both Marinette and Jon but end up having feelings very similar to the one Damian had earlier when they look over at Damian and Luka’s little interaction - Damian’s giving Luka a small smirk and Luka is entirely embarassed at being heard when he wasn’t hadn’t meant to be.

But then Luka gives Jon a small sign before he excuses himself to the restroom so Luka can run off and cough up his flower petals

You remember that whole thing about the kidnapping people with hanahaki so they die and medicine and things can be collected from the flowers springing up from their corpse thing? Yeah, the kids are in Gotham and there is definitely a group there that has dealings with the trade and someone saw Luka hacking up flowers

but they mark him and pull back to plan instead of kidnapping him then and there bc drama and Jon followed him to the restroom to check on him

Date ends ok and everyone’s kind of an emotional wreck

Damian has surprisingly learned his lesson on miscommunication and guiltily confides his fantasy to her like a parishioner to his priest

Marinette basically goes same and confesses about the moment she and Jon saw his interaction with Luka.

“So, We’re together, and they’re together...and I might be in love with Jon, you think you might be in love with Luka... What now?“ Damian asked, trying to make sense of it all

“We could...” Marinette swallows, “um, all four of us? together?“ she offered meekly. Seeing that Damian seemed to like the idea, she continued. “Y’know, feel out how receptive they are to the idea and then just seduce them?”

Ok, so the temporary communication skills were nice.

Because instead of talking it out with their best friends, they decide to seduce them but to be fair, there’s at least one version of this where Damian got where he did because of seduction.

Between both Damian and Marinette’s phsyical attractiveness, their combined determination and stubbornness, Damian’s assassin seduction knowledge, and Marinette’s fashion ability and tactical knowledge of where to accentuate what, Jon and Luka have no chance of leaving pining hell for the foreseeable future.

Marinette doubles down on the “double dates” aka, seduction plans in action and group hang outs, aka much more softer, subtle seduction plans

Marinette and Damian do not do much seeing how receptive they are and really just jump right into the seduction, except they adjust the plans so Luka and Jon don’t catch on so Daminette couple thinks it’s ok to go all out.

Cue seduction and pining hijinks, and a whole lot of bloodly flowers and plenty of internal screaming

Damian learns that Luka might not be too bad in the group and Jon is panicking because oh shit he’s got another crush and it’s his best friend’s girlfriend.

the quartet’s love issues are really full circle... or whatever this shape is supposed to be. Because there’s still the whole Viperion/superboy thing and - i just... I’m not going to keep analyzing this.

Somewhere during this, Jon confesses his feelings this particular friend group to Con, leaving out the whole Hanahaki thing. Con tells Tim for advice on being a big brother and things happen but I’m not sure what. I just want TimCon and the Superboys bonding

So a couple weeks pass by the Hanahaki’s getting pretty bad and Luka suddenly goes missing

Ladybug and the bats are on it as soon as they realize he’s gone

Except they are missing one, very important piece of information

Luka’s hanahaki

So, for the next few days, they don’t get anywhere until Jon slips up and ends up coughing up a shitton of bloody flowers which leads to panic, confusion and explanation, bc wtf Jon, you’re supposed to be dating Luka and that’s definitely not unrequited

So everyone gets the full explanation, the final piece of the puzzle snaps into place and the bats are on it.

Marinette and Damian have to put aside that whole revelation in order to track and save Luka before he dies of Hanahaki

They both make sure to kiss Jon first so he doesn’t get handicapped by his hanahaki like Ladybug did but he and Luka will be on thin ice once they get Luka back

So it’s pretty much a race against time bc they don’t know how bad Luka’s hanahaki is

Tracking, beat up bad guys, possible magic related villain(s) searching for potion ingredients that may take harm Superboy more than than if they weren’t there

They rescue Luka or Luka and Ssass break out as Viperion and meet them halfway.

Hey, the identity reveals!

Either way, at the end of it, Luka ends up with Ladybug and the unconscious and they have to wait until he wakes up to administer the kiss/cure bc it doesn’t work if one party is unconscious

which sparks an interesting idea of a sleeping beauty-cinderella style hanahaki fic where it would work if they’re unconscious, and the patient has to find go out to find who cured them and I’ll have to adjust some other rules of the hanahaki disease such as who can cure it but goddamn it

So while Luka’s out, Marinette and Damian confront the possibly injured but very much awake Jon

Once Luka wakes up and is brought up to speed, they take care of his hanahaki and work out the new boundaries of their new relationship

Part one is longer and I’m a bit put out by that. This made much more sense in my head but if you got this far, my rambling must have made some sort of sense.

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shimmershae · 3 years

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My thoughts on Episode 8--For Blood

As always, placed behind a cut for those of you that would rather escape my babbling, lol. You’re welcome.

Sadly, I don’t think this is anticipation I feel. I’m pretty sure it’s dread but okay. Here we go.

This episode has to go up from the rock bottom boredom of last week, right?

Let me preface what I’m about to say with the truth that I in no way hate Maggie. She’s been with us since Season 2 and I have an emotional attachment to her, mostly due to my love of Glenn and the way he loved her. She’s not my favorite by any means, but the fact of the matter is, I do like and appreciate her and don’t mind that she is back because it’s nice to have old familiar faces with us to take us into the final season. That said? Forcing Maggie front and center after her long absence ultimately, IMHO, has not worked in these first 8 episodes. I can’t help but feel if ASZ had been the A story with Maggie/Negan and Daryl/Leah/the Reapers the B1 and B2 story? These episodes would have been better received overall and not feel so much like they’re trying so hard. Maybe lead me toward the water instead of shoving my head in it next time, Angela? Hmm?

Oh goodie. They’re opening at Meridian. Should I get my bathroom break out of the way now or give myself an out for later? Call it Shae’s choice, lol.

That flicker of a smirk Leah gave to Carver after their mini walk down memory lane had more spark to it than the entirety of her and Daryl’s toxic relationship. In the future, maybe Angela will lean all in on them instead of Leah and Daryl. Something tells me Leah knows this “brother” biblically.

Daryl recognizes Whisperer moves when he sees ‘em. Somehow, he realizes Maggie and Negan have banded together however reluctantly.

Pope doing it “Dixon’s” way but not allowing Dixon to do the actual thing shows the level of distrust and paranoia the man still haves for outsiders.

Look at Daryl chewing his lips with worry for his people. If he and Leah know each other even a little bit, she has to recognize that as one of his tells.

Ooohhhh. Who took the first stab at Wells? Maggie? Negan? Father G? I swear. I took my eyes off the “ball” one second and the whole damn play is halfway down the field. Sorry. If you cannot tell, I watched football with the fam yesterday, lol.

The Walking Dead logo didn’t crumble this time. Interesting. Parts of it looked like it had been rebuilt. With brick. Wood. Other parts of it looked reclaimed by nature. Call me crazy, but that almost looks like an eye/part of a face on the first D.

Okay then. Babbling nonsense about the logo over, lol. Tell me. Please. Anybody. How do the events at ASZ line up with the events at Meridian? Because it’s night and full-blown storming in ASZ and still daylight at Meridian. But hey. Thank fuck we’re in ASZ.

All the babies huddled together giving me feels. Sorry. I know some feel they have no place on the show, but I personally enjoy their inclusion from time to time. It usually plucks hard at my heartstrings.

Connie tenderly comforting an injured Virgil is sweet, not gonna lie.

Aww. Is that Hershel petting a scared RJ’s hair? Unless it’s a case of me not being able to pick out and place all the little hands, which it most certainly could be, I’m thinking Judith’s got her hand on her knee and that’s Hershel’s hand in RJ’s hair. Regardless of whose hand is where, it was a sweet little scene. What can I say? I’m easy because Baby Glenn and Baby Rick, ya’ll.

Oh snap. The windmill’s on fire and pieces of the wall are blowing down main street ASZ like steel tumbleweeds, lol.

Anybody else having flashbacks to the barn from Season 5? Good times. We still had most of Team Family with us then. They were in a bad place, hurting and lost and just trying to survive--when are they not just trying to survive?--but they were together. I miss them.

Carol and Lydia holding each other. These two, lovelies, have my whole heart.

Wells is Walker Jerky, Shaw. Stop wasting your breath.

“She did. My enemy.” I mean, are we supposed to get the impression Maggie’s been a formidable adversary to Pope? Because she feels more like a roach that simply knows the best rocks to hide under. Granted, roaches are hard to kill but still. I’m gonna need them to give us something better than Maggie being Pope’s enemy simply because she didn’t want to give up her home without a fight because this is frankly unbelievable and bordering on stupid.

Alright. So they’ve obviously been sowing the seeds of distrust and defiance between Leah and Pope because she doesn’t like losing family but Daryl? Man? You and Leah have differing opinions about how family operates. Trust me on this.

So. Three teams, huh? Aaron fighting the windmill fire, Carol repairing the breach in the wall, Rosita protecting the babies that represent their future. Choose your fighters, lol. Seriously, though. Why do I have the sinking feeling only one group is going to be shown actually doing their thing?

Listen. Am I pissed we haven’t gotten the scene we deserve yet between Carol and Connie after all that’s happened and we’re getting crumbs mainly because Angela wrongly feels the Reapers/Maggie & Negan/Daryl & Leah need more focus? Absolutely. You bet your sweet asses. But Melissa fucking McBride just took the crumbs allotted her and made a magnificent, work of art cake out of it trying all on her lonesome to feed us starving Carol fans.

Bless Connie wanting wanting to go with Carol. What a show of trust and sister-like solidarity that must have some hate-rotted guts about to turn themselves out.

I love Kelly and Connie’s sister bond. No ill will intended, but It takes the good parts of Maggie and Beth and elevates it beyond anything those two ever showed us. I really feel like that’s a testament to Angel and Lauren’s real life ease with each other.

Magna choosing to go with Aaron makes me wonder if it’s possible she feels some kind of residual guilt over Connie. Not guilt for anything she’s actually done, but simply guilt over making it out.

Virgil volunteering to help. Okay. Damn. I’m honestly starting to like the guy.

Judith offering to go with her aunt Carol had me all up in my feels. I mean, granted. It was a blink and you miss it scene. We really deserved a longer heart to heart between that little girl and the woman that’s sacrificed so much to keep her safe and loved her for so long, but you know I’ll gobble any and all Judith/Aunt Carol content up. Seems to me, Little Ass Kicker is just as afraid of letting Aunt Carol out of her sight as Uncle Daryl. My heart.

Gracie and Aaron are sweet. And honestly? I find them more realistic and true to what normal parents and children would be like in a ZA than Judith and Michonne no matter how much I love that bond. I mean no disrespect, but I really do.

“Why am I keeping you around?” Pope asking the question we’re all wondering.

Not Apocalypse Popeye comparing Daryl to a stray dog. Joe from the Claimers already declared Daryl an outside cat that thought he was an indoor cat. I did have to internally cheer when Daryl was like “I’m ain’t gonna lick it” talking about the helping hand Pope had extended him.

“Somehow she has turned the dead against the living. Oh, that’s impressive.” The thing about Pope respecting Maggie so much as an enemy is I just find it hard to buy, lol. Like if this had been Carol, yeah. But Maggie? Nope. They’ve mostly shown her (with Gage being the bewildering exception) to be all bark and no bite.

Has the house in ASZ really become that dilapidated that they can see through its walls? Because its original owners dodged a bullet if so.

Look at Grace hero-worshipping Judith. It’s sweet.

Virgil telling Judith Michonne would be proud of her is nice but doesn’t feel as earned as if someone like Daryl or Carol that actually knew Michonne well said it. But maybe that’s the whole point--Judith needs to hear it from someone she knows isn’t going to just say what she wants to hear.

Call me jaded, it was a touching scene, but also? It felt designed to allow Judith to move beyond her very normal and realistic feelings of being abandoned by Michonne, even though she gave her the “okay” herself. Like she’s still a kid. Wants don’t always line up with feelings. Anyway. Cailey continues to be a bright, shining little star and I love how she’s managed to make Judith a true amalgamation of all the people she’s loved who have loved her in return. Not just Michonne. I know people like to overlook and cheapen the fact, but it’s taken a village and entire family to raise her from infancy.

Gracie really should have known better than play in front of the windows during a storm period, but oh well. Plot point, lol.

Seriously, though. I feel like they’ve teased poor Gracie’s demise in a multitude of ways since the beginning of the season. I hope nothing ultimately comes of it but I fear it will. All I can say if the worst comes to happen is poor Aaron.

Where are Negan and Elijah though? Ouch. There they are, taking on shrapnel for the cause.

Ready the what now?

There’s ASZ’s Baby Sitter Extraordinaire! Barbara, is it? That lady’s been putting in the work since Season 5 at least.

I’ve honestly grown to love Rosita. More of her and less of Maggie, please and thank you.

“Let’s stay away from the windows.” I’m sorry but I had to LMAO at that. Still a badass moment though.

Gabe hobbling toward his assigned sentinel. At least they haven’t forgotten he’s injured like they seemed to forget Daryl was near death last season before the attack on Hilltop, lol.

“It’s hard to watch something you care about change.” Listen, Leah. Chick. You and Daryl obviously never really knew each other. It’s always been obvious but I have a feeling “DIxon” is finally going to show you, spoilers or no spoilers.

WTF are they calling that thing? Sorry. I have just as hard a time understanding Pope’s accent as I do Maggie’s sometimes.

That’s not love that has Daryl telling Leah she can come with him. That’s care for somebody he used to know. There is a distinct difference that’s obviously lost on so many. How can you really and truly love someone you cannot trust? Especially in Daryl Dixon’s case?

Why does Angela hate us so much? Giving us all these Reaper scenes and leaving us to simply imagine Carol and Connie and Kelly working side by side to save the wall?

I think I honestly could have enjoyed this whole Reaper storyline more, at least a little bit anyway, had they not retrofitted a half-assed romance between Daryl and the story’s weakest link and if only they’d made it the B storyline and given earned deference to the goings-on in ASZ instead.

I wonder if Glenn taught Maggie how to hot write a car? I miss my baby Glenn.

Apocalypse Popeye is several fries short of a Happy Meal. What else is new on this show, lol?

I care for Maggie. Mostly for nostalgia’s sake and Glenn and Baby Hershel but damn, man. She’s not actually proven herself got be worth killing your entire “family” for. But are too far gone, so. We’ll make allowances.

I will say at least this episode is not as abysmally biring as last week’s episode.

Leah finally giving Pope the throat punch he’s been asking for but I’m not fooled she’s on Daryl’s side here. She’s always been on her own side.

Look at Father G returning the favor for Maggie saving him in the tower. Taking Deaver down! Poor Deaver barely saw the light of day.

Here comes that woman scorned part. I can feel it.

“Pope is dead. Dixon murdered him. He’s with the enemy.”

Please, Angela. I’m begging you. Bring Carol into this story and ramp it the fuck up. You been idling too damn long and the car is fast running outta gas.

Bitch really has to die to framing Carol’s Pookie.

Rosita and Lydia and Carol and Connie and Kelly and Magna have literally been holding up this damn show while Angela farts around with the Reapers bullshit. Honorable mention goes to Aaron but these lovely, badass ladies been putting in the real work and not getting any of the glory. You just know they’re tired AF.

Not my babies Lydia and Judith being the cliffhanger! Oh and Gracie. Angela?! A word.

Listen. Carol’s already done that fireworks trick. That Reaper dude owes her royalties. Granted, it was on a smaller scale but much more impressive for it because she was left to be the sharpshooter.

Angela has a point. It is kind of cool how Team Family have learned from their enemies and assimilated their useful points into their own cache of knowledge.

I truly feel like the Leah/Reaper storyline would have benefitted from a much stronger actress. Just saying.

I know Judith annoys some with her precociousness but Cailey just keeps teeing off on what they give her and personally? I feel she’s so very talented and light years beyond her little acting counterparts so it still works.

“They’re never gonna choose each other over the people that they’ve loved and fought for because they simply cannot really trust each other. There’s sort of, like a toxicity at the base of that relationship.” Straight from Angela’s mouth.

“At the end of the day, Daryl chose his family.” Yeah, he did. That “I belong with you” shit only happened when he felt they were all gone, including the one he loved above all others--Carol. Fight me.

Overall impression of the episode?

On its own, disregarding how much I can’t help resenting how much time I feel has been “wasted” setting this story up, it was much more entertaining than Episode 7 which was only epic in that it was an epic bore. There was still too much focus on the Reapers when I just just kept wanting to see what was happening at ASZ. I mean, they cheated us out of Carol and Connie and Kelly working together. Of Aaron and Magna. Call it personal preference coloring my opinions if you want, but the characters I care about feel like they’ve been shown the backseat for this self-indulgent exploration of Angela’s OC and her version of self-insert FF with Daryl Dixon. If we can return to Team Family? The whole Team Family and not just Maggie and Co. against the world? You’ve got me. If not? Well. You’ll keep losing me by degrees and you don’t want to do that on the final season.

Anyway. The ASZ parts were my favorites per usual. The episode could have used a lot more of those.

#The Walking Dead #Season 11 #TWD spoilers #things that make me smile and cry #for reasons

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somekindofseizure · 5 years

Text

When the Ink Dries Part X

<Conclusion. Rated for adults. Thank you @icedteainthebag, @gazeatscully and all of you for your help and support over the years (wtf?!!) it took to finish this. Hope you enjoy.>

Chapter 26

Stella had been bracing herself to enter a courthouse with the two of them for three years, ever since Scully had delivered news of their engagement. Self-preparation for this had involved two phases. One: fuck all of London for about six weeks and two: settle into the rationalization that nothing would really change. Mulder and Scully were a couple before any sort of documentation, and they would be after. Stella had made peace with it, anticipating that they might spring the actual event on her any time, that every time she came to America, it might be the one. But that had not happened.Scully didn’t have a dress. No one spoke of dates and no one had given her the address to a courthouse...until today.

“Why don’t you sleep over,” Mulder stage-whispered, leaning in beside her. He smelled of whatever he’d been chewing on the car ride over - almonds? - no, seeds, those fucking confounded seeds. “You haven’t been to our new place. It has a guest bedroom.”

“Hotel is fine.”

He hesitated, hovered over her shoulder in a particular way that men generally did not have the temerity to do. Luckily she liked him more than other men, still liked him, even if he was poised to marry the only person for whom she’d ever considered unravelling the tightly wound spool of her existence. Thankfully, circumstances had not allowed her to make such a mistake. She reminded herself to be thankful often. Forcefully.

“Why?” he pressed. He was eager to keep her close, Stella knew. On her better days she believed it was because he cared for her, was her friend. It was also possible he only wanted to be forgiven for winning. Most days, when she was feeling her cheerfully doubtful self, it struck her as strategic. One distances one’s wife’s female friends at one’s own peril, particularly if said wife has had sex with said female friend.

“I’m not sleeping in your guest bedroom,” she declared in the hushed voice required of their environment.

“Why not?”

“Because I’m not your great aunt,” Stella said, her eyes firmly rooted on the hulking shoulders of the man in front of her in the light grey prison uniform. Mulder righted himself beside her, took a sharp inhale. The air was stiff and stale in the room, tasted of chalk. This must be as frustrating for him as it was for her - watching Scully testify on Jerse’s behalf twenty some-odd years after she’d helped put him in jail. Only fair that Mulder was distracting himself with matters of guest bedrooms.

Ed was taller than Stella remembered. Also, less nimble, the kind of man who might lose his balance trying to kill a mosquito rather than someone who had escaped notice as he escorted human beings to their unwanted cremations. His tattoos had multiplied over the years behind bars - all the faces of girls, and each one turned out to be meaner than the last. Stella and Mulder had both taken turns judging Scully as she made phone calls over the years to keep him out of or remove him from solitary confinement. But even her (arguably inappropriate) kindness had not spared him. Time had passed for all of them, but it had passed hardest for Ed. A courtroom was a very good argument for the health benefits of freedom.

Funny that Stella had always assumed they’d get married in a court and not a church. Scully was Catholic, after all, but somehow she’d always pictured herself in a skirt-suit set and a plasticky smile watching an uncomfortable hour-plus of Mulder pawing gently at Scully as she stood steel-eyed and stiff-jawed before a government clerk, her favorite skeptic allowing an indulgence of incalculable faith. It was enough of a stretch without bringing God into it, maybe.

She had kept her negativity about marriage to herself, had made a concerted effort not to spoil things. It would be unseemly considering. But she had tried to talk Scully out of this, and Mulder had tried too. But Scully was adamant right up until last night’s spaghetti carbonara; there was an uncommon amount of swearing, flame-freckled seething, tossed crumpled napkins and waiters trying not to look.

They’d relented - what else could they do? He was her potential murderer, after all, not theirs, and one supposed she was entitled to a certain amount of possessiveness on that account. Many was the sleepless night that Stella had spent cursing the people who had interfered with her plans for Paul Spector.

The worst part of hearing about the engagement had not been the news itself but the manner in which it was delivered. Scully’s lowered volume, the gentle lovers’ cadence, lips pressed against the mouthpiece, two hands surely cupping the phone. The worry, the consideration, the sizzling quiet on the other end of the line as Stella rustled up a response she thought she might be able to live with forever. The grand poetry of it all, the drama and Scully’s quietly feverish attempts to mitigate it.

Scully, neatly trimmed in burgundy, hair just so, shifted at the small cafeteria-style table where she sat with the other testifiers. As someone else stood to speak, Stella saw Scully clasp her hands in loose prayer, gaze resting on her fingernails. She had not turned to look at them since it had begun. Perhaps she was thinking of the first time she met him, trying to reincarnate the moment when she knew him only as an innocent entity. A memory that had been discounted by such drastic measures lived on uncomfortably, vividly, a spider pinned alive and preserved under glass.

And what about the day Stella had met him? He’d impressed himself upon her almost by accident. It had been a lark, something to get her out of England and keep her busy, but had turned into something she would never forget, scenes in a movie that only later seemed significant. The heavy stench of fear-twinged anger, the impressive composure of the beautiful ginger-faced detective, the nearly imperceptible twitching of her fingers at the table, the lanky male counterpart’s eventual leap at the killer’s throat. Stella had felt safe and separate from them all, even the killer; she’d ridden the experience like a seasoned surfer, keeping an eye on the two young kids desperately paddling in the frothy tension beside her. That is how she used to do things before Paul Spector had gotten under her skin. Or maybe it was how she used to do things before Dana Scully had. Sometimes, Stella was unsure which had been the bigger danger.

Stella glanced down at the skin of her bare knees and thought maybe she had unravelled a bit over the years after all.

Jerse appeared to be watching the speaker, but with a slight tilt of the head, Stella could see that he was focused on Scully. The others were guards, cafeteria workers, psychologists - but Scully was something else, someone he’d had feelings for, someone who had known him as good before evil. Mulder must have caught the look in his eye as well, for beside Stella, he gave an angry swallow, widened his legs in macho (and pointless) provocation. Stella knew that Mulder’s concern about today was the physical threat of Ed - what he might do if he were out, how his fixation with Scully might manifest into an act of violence or possessiveness. But Scully could handle her own safety well enough. Stella worried instead about the subtler effects - the nightmares, the guilt she might experience wondering who he was luring in the dusty pick-up joints of Philadelphia. Things you could not fix with a lock and key or a sidearm.

But when Scully stood and spoke, it seemed she was not worried about any of these things. Her voice was steadfast and clinical, though it carried a heartfelt quality that unsettled Stella to her core. Stella had heard the rundown of events before - years ago, when she’d asked as a matter of professionally curiosity and Scully had answered as a matter of courtesy. But now Scully spoke of the invitation to dinner and the subsequent date with a matter-of-fact tenderness. The way he seemed before “the voices” had interfered, her belief in an underlying true nature beneath his mental illness. She had been sparing Mulder the nuances back then. Stella had been just an acquaintance. But inadvertently, she’d spared Stella too. For all these years, Stella had not had to look at the inky snake on Scully’s back and think: she liked him. She’d been spared the pain of identifying with how that must have felt. To have been so wrong about someone.

Scully finished without flourish, smoothed the wool skirt at the hips with two hands and sat - still not looking back at them, seemingly alone in her moment, and perhaps rightly so, for this was her unsupported decision. Stella felt vaguely hypocritical for even attending, but then not attending had seemed wronger.

Snippets of Ed’s report cards were read aloud, brief and modestly generous endorsements he’d received over the course of the years. Mistakes here and there, but a generally cooperative nature, etcetera - no compliment as persuasive as Scully’s sincerity. They were going to let him go - Stella could feel it the way she could sense a confession coming or intuited a multiple murderer’s next attack before he actually crept up someone’s back flight of steps.

Mulder’s hand startled her as it descended heavily atop her own and quieted her wriggling thumbs. The weight of him in the lap of her skirt made the mucous in her throat thicken - was he holding her hand or asking for his to be held? He tightened his sweaty fingers around hers. There was no reason to cry. This was not her moment. Not her murderer and not her fiancé. She was in the role she’d always found most comfortable - observer. Someone to put in the guest room.

When it was over, Scully stood, looked at the floor and moved toward them like a funeral attendant in the aftermath of an Irish wake - sad, but relieved - attending to the memory of something she’d long past buried.

“That tattoo hurt at all?” he asks with a dipped clefted chin and a gleam in his eye that reminds her of her little performance in the shop. Scully is not even sure why it happened – the booze or the slow burn of the needle or the way he looked at her. It makes her look away for a second now in shyness - the fact that he’s already seen that face she makes. But she did not call him up earlier to be shy. She did not sit in a dirty dive all night with a handsome stranger all night to be shy. She did not break skin, make permanent marks she might later regret to be shy. She is too quickly running out of time to be shy.

She steals glances at him standing there across the room with his flop of dark sailor’s hair and suggestive sailor’s tattoo and she stammers through something about feeling different. This is true but she doesn’t mean the heavy handed flashart on her lower back. She supposes she might feel strange the next time she’s at the beach with her mother. Supposes, the next time, really, anyone looks there, she’ll probably have to laugh. But nobody ever looks there. And that’s why she’s here. She’s responsible. She’s a woman of faith. But she’s human, she’s mortal, she knows that more now than ever, even before the doctor’s appointment, and tonight she wants to act like it. That is what feels different.

He looms over her as he lifts the back of her shirt to peek and she actually believes he just wants a peek. He’s enormous by comparison, a monument to masculine threat. He could crush her. He will try to crush her. But she doesn’t know that now. Has no way of knowing that now as he traces the outline of the snake with his finger and tells her it looks all right. It actually seems like too much of a cliché to fear someone who looks like him, like flinching when you walk down the street past a Doberman. Every cop knows the scrawny ones can be meaner.

She likes him, has liked him from the moment he spoke to her. She considers herself a good judge of character and she feels in her soul that he is good, but she’s not looking for a soul mate. She’s in the mood for someone who’ll look at her like she’s a problem, not their problem-solver. Someone who’s not just handing her instructions and checking in. He is not a slap in the face to Mulder. He’s just not Mulder.

He doesn’t leer and he doesn’t suggest. He offers to take couches and asks her if things hurt. He’s aware of his own strength even as he displays it. It may be that none of this counts at St. Peter’s gate, but it will count for something when she’s letting a man a full foot taller and a hundred pounds heavier fuck her standing up. It will count when he tries to kill her too, but she has no way of knowing that’s what fate – God? No, not God, that’s not the God she believes in – has in store.

If she were going to stop him, she would’ve stopped him by now. But instead, she’s telling him she’s a doctor and nothing turns her on like telling people she’s a doctor. Instead, he’s holding her wrist firmly in the dance partner position, looking down at her like he doesn’t care about his bleeding infected arm as long as he’s got her. She has wanted to be needed in this way, has been wanting someone who will trade in their other obsessions for five feet two inches and a few hours of her, and she’s been ashamed of that desire. Then such a person appeared, offered himself up and she’s accepting. She feels compelled on behalf of her mortality. Funny - it’s the very thing he’ll turn out to be after.

It’s a quick rundown of events, some of which she’ll be forced to mention later to law enforcement or doctors or both. She’ll glare and ask them what that has to do with anything as they jot down her perfunctory details. There are some she doesn’t give. That she reaches for the hem of her shirt two seconds into the kiss, feels his tongue touch her nose when she sloppily backs away to get it over her head. That he unbuttons her pants as she runs her hands over his chest and his stomach, makes shapes across it with her mouth. They look for cause and effect, these medical doctors and detectives - she knows because it’s how she normally thinks too. But the system is working in reverse. The moment his hands graze her ass over her underwear – simple briefs, work underwear, investigate-the-Russian-mobster-underwear – is when she realizes she’s wet. The moment she drops his pants and puts her hand over his erection is the moment she hopes she’s wet enough. Effect is what she notices first.

It’s been a very long time. This might hurt a bit, she tells herself, and gets wetter.

He takes out the condom of his own will but she insists on being the one to put it on him, stares, buying time, as she rolls it down his shaft. It could stop here, she thinks. She could still wake up tomorrow not feeling a bit of regret or the urge to confess, still go into work and not duck from Mulder’s gaze, but it doesn’t occur to her that she could still avoid waking up concussed in a hospital, and that ought to be a fair oversight.

She brushes the infected pinupped bicep by accident, but when she does so, an evil little smile appears on his lips. Blood as permanent as ink itself smears beneath her hand and there is something beautiful about it or something perverse, something she doesn’t take the time to put her finger on because he’s a very good kisser and he can span the entire width and length of her torso with two spread hands, and now he is lifting her with those hands, tossing her up like a lost princess, starting to carry her toward the bedroom. Just think - Dana Scully, a princess.

“No, here,” she says and so he backs her into the wall as she squeezes her thighs around his thick body. He shows her with various little touches that he’s willing to take this step by step, but if he does, she’ll lose the nerve, and if she loses the nerve, she knows how she’ll wake up feeling nothing tomorrow morning, because that is how she has woken up many mornings, and she doesn’t think at the time that it might even be worse than waking up in the hospital. “Fuck me here.”

And then he gets a look in his eye that makes her not care whether there is a tomorrow, not that she has reason to wonder (no cancer moves that fast, has that glib a sense of timing). It’s a look that says he’s going to ravish her, take her and at the same time sacrifice himself. It is the look that will haunt her when she’s bandaged and stitched, when she hears of him going to prison, when Mulder makes his stupid, insensitive quips about ass tattoos.

He fucks her with her bra clasp digging into the wall, her underwear pushed to the side, his upper body curled over her like a cobra as he tries to kiss her neck and stay inside her at once. She lodges her fingernails in the plates of his back lest he drop her, listens to the sound he makes as they penetrate his skin, feels his dick go so high inside her that she’s sure despite all knowledge of anatomy that he’s occluding the base of her throat.

For the moment, with his cock stiff and wholly inside her, she is the threat, the overpowerer. He’s awed by it, grateful for it, and - she’s sure - fearful of it.

“You can do whatever you want,” she orders, “I want you to.” She hears but barely feels her shoulder blades bruise the wall, any remaining sense she has left sliding out her ears onto the paint job. He holds her waist very still to the wall as he thrusts upward into her and she tilts her head toward the heavens to moan. Her eyes burn and her hips ache and she will laugh in a few minutes when he holds her sweetly and still offers to sleep on the couch after giving her a pounding like none she has experienced.

“Come for me, Dana,” he begs and she clutches at his hair, presses her open mouth to his jaw, uses her tongue to try to reach him when she’s not using it to swear, digs her heels into his backside for leverage, consistently pressing the full weight of his hips into her body and she lets herself slide into the deepest, slickest, hardest home plate she’s ever come across. Or at least that she can remember coming across. It has been a very long time. As of tomorrow morning, that won’t be true, but then a lot of things won’t be true anymore.

He’s looking at her like she’s the only thing that can save him but the reason she is doing it is to save herself.

The decor was sleek and dripped in silver grey, an unslept-in bed at hip height. There was a photograph of a naked woman in a carnival mask on the wall opposite, the figure’s seductive pout leering over the edge of a dressing-room-style vanity mirror. The room looked like it belonged in another home - a distinct departure from the oaky, slightly inexplicably Asian-influenced-Americana couple-who-hikes aesthetic of the rest of the townhouse. Sleek and sexy and cool. Nobody’s great aunt would have slept there.

“Hope this is all right,” Scully said behind her, leaning against the doorjamb with pantyhosed feet piled one on top of the other.

“Fine, more than fine.”

“Thank you for staying.”

Mulder’s sports announcers prattled on in the master bedroom down the hall. The bedroom Scully should be in, would be in by the end of the night.

“I wanted you to be close tonight,” Scully said, punctuating the statement with the kind of breathy chuckle that stood for self-criticism. The days of their holing up in hotels with platonic devotion for a weekend were long gone. Now, Stella stayed in those places alone and Scully visited for dinner or shopping - a pair of regular friends. Scully no longer came to London - Stella’s request - and she did not generally make admissions, however innocently voiced, of wanting her close.

Stella spotted a bronze-brown silk robe hanging on a hook on the back of the door.

“Pour moi?”

Scully smiled, nodded and Stella grabbed it, turned her back to Scully as she exchanged her clothes for the robe with as much modesty as she could. There was a brass-edged glass bar cart in the corner, fully stocked with red wine and whiskey - the place was a veritable theme park in her honor. Stella resisted the urge to tease and instead took advantage, tweaked two glasses in one hand, opened a bottle of Macallan’s and poured. Anyway, there was no way to know if the room had been decorated for her because it was meant to court her visit or because there was no one else’s visit to court. They were solitary people, all three of them. It was part of the reason they had held onto each other the way they had.

Scully stepped fully into the room for the first time, rolling from heels to toes like a soft-footed doll in stockinged feet.

“Sentiment get to you?” Stella inquired as her drink pooled, syrupy, in the bottom of the lightly dust-coated glasses. She lightened her tone to a mild taunt in order to refract any impression of flirtation. “Whenever we visit Ed Jerse together we sleep under the same roof?”

“Something like that,” Scully murmured, untouched by the sarcasm. She had known Stella too long, had developed an immunity to it. Sometimes people could say they meant nothing by their sarcasm; with Stella, something was always meant and yet one had to be able to take it in stride. It was not one of her best tendencies but she had never been able to control it.

She handed Scully a glass sympathetically, gestured for her to sit on the bed. Stella sipped and Scully gulped...

“You all right?”

Scully’s eyes began to water. She looked at the ceiling, preemptively tightened the skin near her eyes with her fingers. Stella came and sat beside her.

“Do you think it’s wrong, what I did today?” Scully asked.

“You know I don’t see the world that way.”

“But do you feel like…”

“You’ve a good heart, that’s all.”

“I remember when you first told me I was good, do you?”

“Not really.”

She’d always thought it. It was rare for her. Usually she suspected people of things, even when she liked them. Scully stared at her, chewed her lip until it was practically blue.

It would pass. It would pass. It would pass. They had more practice letting it pass than anything else. But this time, it didn’t.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Stella said finally and she meant it.

“You don’t really want me to marry him.”

“It doesn’t matter to me if you marry him.”

“You don’t care if it means you’ll lose me forever.”

“What do you want from me, Dana.”

She’d said it quickly, not meaning to, was immediately angry with herself for doing so. But Scully’s shoulders softened, some long-suffering secret released.

“You sent me back here for my own good, didn’t you? Because you knew about William. Not because you wanted me to go. I need to know.”

That was three years ago and in that time Stella had gotten the hang of her being gone. This was no time to undo that, not with an engagement pending.

“I sent you back because I couldn’t do it anymore,” she said methodically.

“You couldn’t do it every minute of every day-”

“No - not with anyone-”

“But you could do it sometimes.”

“What does that matter?” Stella said, her voice rising into the tight part of her throat like a trapped scream. Fighting with Scully was like fighting with a teenager sometimes - ridiculous and yet impossible to come out on top. Stella always had the urge to tell her not now, you’re tired, you’re emotional, and yet, there was always a devastating honesty to Scully’s behavior when she was being influenced by such feelings. “You want something constant, that is nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I’m not ashamed. But it doesn’t mean I need everything to be constant.”

Stella’s head ached - she shook it, rubbing her temples, sipped her whiskey.

“I don’t even know what we’re talking about,” she said, sorry that she’d come here.

“I’ll stop,” Scully said. “It’s been a long day.”

Stella drank. Yes, a long day. Scully was tired, emotional, deserved a pass.

“Can I lie down?” Scully asked.

“It’s your house.”

“It’s your room,” Scully said and Stella couldn’t help but smile a little.

She let the Scotch burn the back of her throat a bit as Scully scooted back on the bed, dropped herself into the center of a stack of white linen pillows, put her buttoned-up wrists by her ears.

Stella lay on her back until the remainder of her anger dissipated into the plume of Scully’s perfume. Stella pictured Scully dressing, powdering this morning, pretending to herself it was like any other day. She turned onto her side, placed her hand carefully in the center of Scully’s sternum, carefully avoiding the structured brassiere swell on either side. A warm heartbeat patted at her palm.

“Aren’t you uncomfortable in these clothes?” she asked.

“Deeply.”

“Want to go change?”

Scully shook her head no.

“May I?” Stella asked as her hand drifted button by button down the front of Scully’s shirt. “I won’t touch you, don’t worry.”

“I’m not worried,” Scully said.

Stella half-smiled, flicked the front clasp of the bra, dragged the side zipper down Scully’s hip and finally rested her hand dutifully on the comforter next to Scully’s still wool-crepe skirted, nyloned thigh.

“I’m still deeply uncomfortable,” Scully said, face turning toward her, the malted, woodsy scent of alcohol drifting on the air between them. A forest, an orchestra pit full of string instruments, hollow and waxed and just removed from velvet cases. “I am actually more deeply uncomfortable than before.”

“Sorry.”

Stella held her breath, her nipples hardening against the silk of the borrowed robe as Scully licked her lips at her, breathed with her whole body so that her open blouse slipped from her chest to her sides.

“Want to kiss me?” Scully asked.

Goddamit.

“He’s down the hall.”

But she was salivating, tasting Scully, the memory of her. It had been years. Scully slithered out of her clothes, shedding them like snakeskin, looking new as she lay back down on the pillow.

“I dare you,” Scully whispered.

Stella brusquely threw a knee over Scully’s opposite hip, straddling her as the golden robe slipped its knot. She shook it down off her shoulders, let it fall to her thighs. Her chest rose, naked and weighted by her heart as she dipped forward toward Scully’s face.

Scully caged her ribs with two hands, traced the black and white tattoo on Stella’s body, draping a finger this way and that in the shape of the rose.

The door was open. He would hear them. It would be a betrayal greater than any Stella had ever committed. But she could feel her entire body sinking toward Scully, melting at the heat of her. Muscles trembled, spine withered like an end of summer plant, hips rolled, changes Stella assumed would be imperceptible but Scully’s body moved in response to each one.

She reached down, took Scully’s chin in her hand -

And in a flash of Scully’s eye contact, it all made sense.

“He knew you were going to do this,” Stella said, measuring her surprise.

Scully gulped. Nervous.

“You can live in London, come and go as you please...”

Stella tensed, probably would have moved away but in a burst of effort, Scully reached for Stella’s neck, pulled her close so that she could speak directly into her ear.

“I need you.”

Stella closed her eyes, trying to process the enormity of what was being asked of her but paralyzed by the scent of Scully’s skin and hair and mouth so close.

“I don’t know,” Stella said, her pores sucking up Scully’s skin like the air. She was drowning in her.

Scully’s heart beat faster, she’d begun to sweat, and rightly so. She was gambling with her future - all their futures. Stella wanted to be angry with her but it was impossible. Impossible not to lift her mouth to Scully’s, just briefly enough to leave some of her shimmery gloss on Scully’s lower lip. She paused long enough to settle, to let herself enjoy the certainty of a decision having been made. Sometimes she thought this was the best thing about sex - the rare moment of knowledge, of conviction, of committment. She could not agree to whatever Scully was asking of her, some sort of future promise, but she could agree to right now. The moment would come and go, and in a few minutes, when they were having sex, she would have other ideas about what the best thing about sex with Scully was. With other people, this was often not the case.

“I’m going to fuck you now,” she said. “I’m going to make you pant and swear and moan and we’ll see if your fiance will come down the hall.”

“Do you want him to?”

“I don’t know,” Stella said. “But either of you cries, I swear to God, I’ll never speak to you again.”

She covered Scully’s body from the palms of their hands to the tips of their feet, slipped her tongue into Scully’s mouth before either of them could ruin it by saying anything further.

Chapter 27

He wasn’t sure how he’d feel about it until he saw it. He had agreed to it without reservation. It was even possible to interpret it as having been his suggestion. But still, he could not be absolutely sure how it would feel. And if he was going to live with it, he needed to see it with his own two eyes at least once. It had always been him or Stella, not both. He’d only shared her once - the first time - and the second time they’d tried had ended in disaster. They’d all kept things separate, Scully in her actions - he doubted she had ever been unfaithful to him when they’d been a couple - and he in his mind. He’d approached his memories of that night with the chastity of a priest, resisted even thinking about it until Scully had made this recent proposition. It was not an unpleasant memory to relive but still, it was a memory.

And now he had arrived at the reality. Stella’s mouth suckling Scully’s nipple in a room wreaking of Scotch and women, her arm’s well-hewn muscles spasming as they worked on Scully beneath the weight of her body, four rounded thighs swathed in a pond of flaxen silk. Scully’s skirt and nylons had been discarded near her ankles, and one of her hands was cupping Stella’s jaw, the other raking up her back. He had waited until he could hear Scully from down the hall, which meant that he had waited until things were very near the end, too near to undo - he could not have stopped them now if he begged. It was a scientific experiment, a matter of proving to himself he could handle what he’d feel.

What he felt when he stood in the doorway to the guest room was hard. Superman fucking hard.

He watched for as long as he could stand it, cleared his throat when he couldn’t stand it any longer. Stella pulled back and sat on her haunches with a well-well-well sort of expression on her face, hair whipping like a blonde gauntlet over her shoulder as she held Scully deep-breathing beneath her palm.

“Come here,” Stella said. He stepped up to the side of the bed, resisting the urge to look anywhere but her eyes. They turned bluer when she made love. Of course - he’d only seen her with Scully. He wondered if they did the same when she was just having sex. “I’m very impressed.”

“With my middle-aged hard-on or my open-mindedness?”

“Both. Have a drink, you might need it.”

She gestured at the friendly half empty glasses left gawking and scandalized on the nightstand. Scully took his hand, squeezed Stella’s thigh with the other. She was in no mood for banter.

“Finish me.”

“You talking to me, honey?” he asked with a slow smile. “Or your girlfriend?”

“Both of you.”

Mulder picked up the glass and sipped - just a bit because he was old enough to be negatively impacted by substances at such critical moments - and then he tipped the glass at Scully’s chest, poured it over her body from navel to neck. She gasped, body rolling like pavement over a growing root. He sat on the bed and leaned to kiss the tip of her drunken shoulder.

They settled in on either side of her, Stella’s breasts nestled beneath her armpit, his dick wedged against her opposite hip. His arm slid under Scully’s back, his hand pinned by Stella’s trembling belly as she arched it into the hollow of Scully’s waistline. Stella playfully hooked her foot over his leg in the space between Scully’s spread calves.

“So wet,” Scully murmured and he wasn’t sure if she was talking about herself or the stamp of Stella’s body on her hipbone, but either way it made him desperately want to fuck her. He settled for a kiss, first on the mouth and then the side of her neck the way she liked as she turned her mouth to Stella.

“Shall we make her come now?” Stella asked without looking at him. Scully’s little ovular fingertips dug into his skull.

“You want to come, honey?” he teased in her ear, and Stella said something similar in the other, each talking to her as if they had her to themselves, but revelling in the knowledge that they didn’t.

Scully gave a feverish nod yes to all the questions she was being asked, hot tears of simultaneous need and something else - relief? - dripping from her tightly shut eyes. This would not just be the conclusion of a steadily built orgasm, but the proof that her love could carry them all, that she could have the life she wanted but feared was too much to ask.

Their arms draped Scully’s body in the shape of a V, two pageant queen sashes - one ivory, one olive - as they reached inside her together. Stella’s finger was slender and deft against his, leading him sportingly as they found a rhythm they could both live with. Scully hooked her elbow around Stella’s neck, put her hand on Mulder’s cock.

“Dana,” Stella whispered.

The sound of her so-rarely-uttered first name made him ache like a dirty word. He writhed naked against her thigh, and across from him, Stella’s head hung loose toward Scully’s shoulder as though it might unhinge from her neck. Scully held the center with ease, the flexible crux of an unwieldy machine.

“You’re both so incredibly beautiful,” he said.

Stella thanked him in that a spare, sweet tone she sometimes used but which every time sounded like someone else, and Scully told him to shut up in a voice that sounded exactly like her. Everything slid, slithered - the hand he had wrapped around Scully’s waist bathed in their combined sweat, the whiskey sheen tanning Scully’s chest as she curled it this way and that between them, dipped her tailbone to grind against their hands.

“Good girl,” Stella purred, composed enough even as she gripped Scully’s hip tight between her thighs,. “Good -- girl.”

He lowered the hand up between Stella’s belly and Scully’s waist, bent his knuckles to be of use. Stella found them as she rolled her clitoris from Scully’s hip over his knuckles and back down, delivered a soft fuck from her lips.

Scully liked it too.

“We’re going to -- take such good -- care of you, Mulder,” she said.

It happened soon after that, the two of them in swift syncopation, Scully moaning and swearing liberally as Stella held her breath, her lips frozen open in the shape of an O. There was a rush of tension and release, sore, slick fingers, wet hair sticking to skin like a sacrament, baptizing a long night to come, and maybe, a new reality.

Chapter 29

The sequence of events was not identical but it was close. A questionable interaction with Ed Jerse that she stubbornly stood behind, come hell or highwater. Stella’s seduction (she had, admittedly, played more of a role in that this time), the precise feminine touch combined with the loving enthusiasm of Mulder’s involvement. And finally, waking up in a bed with him, snoring like a Golden Retriever beside on one side, while Stella’s side was a cool evening desert, bereft of the musky morning jasmine scent that should have been wafting over her shoulder.

Twenty years and somehow she had still not got it right. In some ways she felt they had all been through everything, moved the pieces around in every configuration that existed and she’d landed on a new one, one she knew she wanted best, one in which she knew she could make them both happy. But in other ways, she felt as though she’d been standing still ever since that night, learned nothing, come nowhere.

And more than anything, she was angry at Stella for letting her feel that way. The least she could have done was stayed, told her she hated the idea, rubbed her temples grouchily over a cup of inferior tea while Mulder flipped pancakes. Was that really too much to ask from someone she had known and loved so long?

And in place of that tiny bit of consideration, she’d left a little gift box.

“Sorry...xo” said Stella’s haughty half-script on a prismed, torn-off piece of paper she’d turned into a card.

A hasty unwrapping revealed a shiny little ivory-colored porcelain replica of Big Ben. A delicate and expensive version of something you’d get an an airport. Its base stood in the center of a small dish.

“What’s that?” Mulder grumbled, squinting one eye open. He’d lost some of his voice, left it in one or both of their bodies.

“Stella left us a wedding gift.”

“She left it? You mean she’s not here?”

Scully didn’t answer, so he took the object from her and looked closer.

“It’s a ring holder,” he said. “What does that mean?”

Scully slammed it on the nightstand hard enough to get some satisfaction but not hard enough to crack it. She knew that at a later date, she would cherish this object as the only connection to their union that Stella condoned. She had Mulder had not exchanged any rings - she was no more a jewelry person than she’d been when Mulder had first bought her that Elvis thing and then second-guessed himself. But maybe they should, maybe they would. Maybe she had clung to all the wrong ideas she could have about herself, let all the wrong things slip away into the unlived version of her life. She flexed her fingers over her forehead with a groan.

“She’ll come around,” Mulder said gently. “Let me get you some coffee.”

He was only gone a minute when she heard him calling her name from the kitchen. She joined him, expecting to be shown the spectacle of an ant problem or a pretty bird sitting outside the window or a strange neighbor out to get the mail in a funny outfit - he looked hard when he was aiming to cheer her up. Instead, the presentation involved a brown paper bag on the table, the oven-y smell of bagels hovering, and Stella... leaning against the counter in the rare odd wrinkled t-shirt, lips pursed, arms folded under her breasts. Scully clung to Mulder’s bare back for protection.

“She came around,” Mulder said.

“Isn’t that getting old?” Scully demanded of Stella, stepping forward, and Mulder sat down, pulled the bag of goodies over. He hesitated to open it in a sudden bout of manners, waited for Stella to answer her.

Stella dipped her head for a deep look at the ground, as though checking to see if she’d stepped on something. Her arms did not uncross.

“Yes,” she said finally with the bluntness Scully imagined she applied to a cold case re-opened and placed unwelcomed on her desk.

“It’s childish, Stella. I asked you a question, all you had to do was answer it,” Scully pressed.

“You asked me a question while I was taking your clothes off -”

“Because I thought if I combined it with sex, you’d be more likely to unders -”

“You thought I’d be more likely to say yes. Is there any behavior more childish than that?”

Scully opened her mouth, made a couple of sounds that didn’t turn into words.

“You’re right, Stell...” Mulder chimed, “Is what Scully is trying to say. She has trouble with that sometimes.”

Scully swallowed her pride, realizing only then that she could let go of both her disappointment and her anger. Stella was still there. They were both there.

“Sorry,” she said softly.

Stella nodded matter-of-factly, uncrossed her arms.

“Eat a bagel and re-ask the question clearly and while I have my wits about me.”

Chapter 30

The neighborhood was full of cobblestone and good bones, svelte-faced buildings painted in aristocrat white, noses in the air as people swept past with briefcases, the damp winter wind whipping chilled hair in their faces. Scully hugged herself tighter in her long black coat and little white dress, swayed from side to side as she picked a wave of red from across her forehead. She looked too perfect for this stuffy old courthouse. She also looked nervous.

“She’ll be here,” Mulder said.

Scully smiled close-lipped, dusted the chest of his jacket, tightened his tie and lied to his face.

“I’m not worried.”

When she looked at him here on the courthouse steps, she saw him as he once was, young and bitter, eyes that looked perpetually impressed and a smooth-lipped mouth that looked forever disappointed. She saw their son, the short exchange Stella’s cleverness had allowed her to have with him that day in the park. She saw all the close-calls, the times they should have been parted from one another forever and yet somehow found their way back. They were, as a couple, simultaneously inevitable and a miracle. They were each other’s something old and time itself, their something borrowed.

And Stella - though she’d met her just a few years after Mulder - was still her something new - and that’s how Stella liked it. It was part of the allure of her and the problem of Stella Gibson. She liked to maintain the shiny, silvery lacquer of mystery, and Scully knew Stella worried today would tarnish it. She had considered Scully and Mulder’s offer very carefully, very sensibly, then delivered her answer as she tore bread from the inside of a bagel, a calm voice but a tear in her eye, an embarrassed smile, a mellow-limbed embrace - joy. But there had also been signs of anxiety that day and ever since. It didn’t upset Scully, it only worried her that it might upset Stella. Along the way, Stella had become something else besides the shiny new toy, she had been for some time.

She moved in closer to Mulder as they waited, let her nose rest against his Adam’s apple, a small concession to the robust unflappability she was determined to show off today. She did not want him to feel his presence meant less to her - it was just that, in this current incarnation of her life, she worried less about losing it. He was sturdier these days, took his medicine and jogged and read novels rather than nonfiction and conspiracy theory websites. He less apt to disappear on her or on himself.

“Maybe we should have stayed at her place last night,” she said. “Reviewed things.”

“All she has to do is show up, what’s to review?” he remarked casually but through it Scully could see he was more concerned than she was. “You tried her phone?”

“Three times.”

Him too.

“I could go to her place, make sure everything’s okay?” he offered.

“No,” Scully said, her face stoic but her fingers slipping up and down his tie. The gesture brought him back to the moment and he smiled. His eyes were greener than usual here in the English afternoon.

“Are you sure this is what you want, Mulder? There’s no part of you that would be relieved if we didn’t pull this off today?

He took her chin in hand.

“I’m sure, baby. We’ll do it another day if she can’t make it. Something must have come up.”

What he didn’t say was: we could do it without her. Because he wasn’t sure that he could. It was almost perfect, him and Scully alone. Almost, except that at the same time, always teetering on not-at-all. Stella’s involvement made it possible somehow, even when she was physically apart from them, all the way across the Atlantic Ocean. They seemed to need her to survive each other. And as stubborn as he was about not needing people, he was also too old, too experienced not to admit when he did.

Suddenly, Scully smiled and he saw Stella getting out of a black cab in a wooly grey dress and the highest heels he’d ever seen. She turned to pay the driver through the window, at first glance betraying nothing but her usual charmed confidence, although upon closer inspection, he could see the way she was gripping her leather clutch with nerve-wrecked white fingertips.

“See? She’s here,” Mulder said and twirled a length of Scully’s hair between her shoulder blades.

She kissed him briefly on the lips and in a moment Stella approached, tapped their cheeks with her own, careful not to smudge her lipstick.

“Sorry I’m late. You look lovely. What are we doing afterward?”

“We’ll go get you a stiff drink,” Scully said dryly with a tweak to the neckline of Stella’s sweater dress, playing as she’d done moments ago with Mulder’s tie. An excuse for contact, a doctor’s emotional temperature-telling.

“Drink, yes, maybe several,” Stella said a little more gently, as though she too had merely been awaiting the doctor’s call to feel better. A malady that eased by benign diagnosis. You will not regret this, I will not let you regret it, Scully tried to communicate telepathically as she looked Stella over, but couldn’t quite rein in the eye contact necessary.

“I’m surprised she doesn’t have a flask on her,” Mulder said.

“Who says I haven’t,” and she handed Mulder her little bag. “Here, just a second.”

She smoothed her dress, checked the backs of her earrings. Perfume stabbed the air and committed Stella to memory with every flick of her wrist, every twist of the neck.

“I hate weddings,” she said. “You know that right?”

But Scully was not fooled by the mask of Stella’s comfortable complaints. She busy staring at Stella’s body, trying to place the odd feeling of deja vu and then -

“I remember this dress.”

And for the first time that day, Stella steadied, really looked at her, let her eyes rest there in the cradle of Scully’s gaze. Her cheeks colored pink a little and her eyes deepened, the greyness of them taking on the hue of brushed denim, the deep hint of indigo.

There it was, the something else Stella had become, her something blue.

It was one of Stella’s great weaknesses that being told she was loved made her want to cry and not in the so happy tears are falling sort of way, but rather in the way of someone falling to pieces. There was only one way she could handle it - in the passive elocution. There were people, mainly men, she’d known over the course of her life who’d somehow learned and observed the rule. One of them had probably taught it to her in the first place.

“You are loved,” her father used to say, or her favorite uncle, or her late-mentor at the academy. “You are missed,” Mulder would sometimes tell her on the phone. But Scully either couldn’t or wouldn’t get used to it. She was restrained in the frequency of her expressions of affection but not in the manner or delivery of them. She gave her love actively, when given.

So of course she remembered the dress, the thing Stella had been wearing that first time.

“Yes, I thought you might,” Stella said, allowing Scully to believe that she’d done it on purpose. She had not consciously thought of that day this morning when she reached for it. But admittedly, there could be no coincidence in such an action. She had dozens of outfits that would have been suitable, in fact two others she’d bought expressly with this day in mind.

“My, you do look lovely, darling,” she added, tingling with warmth as she looked Scully over. More ethereal and yet more solid all at once. “What is it about white that makes a woman look like a new person?”

Actually, all of it was new to Stella except Scully - she was the only thing familiar about this willingness she felt, the generosity of spirit. She was not pretending to be pissed off for having been asked to do this. But really she was self-conscious about not being pissed off. It would have been more comfortable to resent being here, would have felt more herself.

Inside, there would be waiting to do, the collective and similar but varied anxieties of twenty other strangers pledged to do this same thing this same day. She and Mulder would bicker amiably, tease about who was going to be fucking whose wife later. Scully would hold her head high, pretending to be above it all, threaten them with moving entire affair to a church, but secretly be glad she’d done it here, in the shadow of all the petty tragicomedies of bureaucracy. They all three were creatures of the system, and they were also its rebels. That included Scully. Sweet, silently subversive Dana Scully, who was sneaking her hand into Stella’s palm, the other already tucked deftly and permanently into Mulder’s elbow.

It had been Mulder’s idea to configure it this way. He’d said it made sense because then she and Scully would be able to visit one another longer. And it would make it easier for her to move to America if she ever wanted to join them there. She had marveled at the breadth of his spirit, his confidence and his love, had been glad she’d fucked him the previous night. But she’d also panicked. She had only just returned from possible escape minutes before.

Scully had hedged when she heard it and fidgeted, twiddled her fingers and smiled shyly as she admitted to approving of the plan. They each took turns making sure Mulder was in his right mind. And ultimately Stella agreed to it because she wasn’t sure any other way would feel binding enough, would serve to remind her that somewhere, someone expected something of her. And if she didn’t feel that, well then what was the point of being involved at all?

Courthouses could be jarring settings for ordinary people but they were familiar to her, and this one in particular. She’d come out of them over the course of her career in all manner of states - furious, indignant, satisfied, vengeful, victorious - all three of them had. When she came out of this one on this day, she would be no more and no less than... married. No one was changing their name. But hers would be a little different because it would be signed on a piece of paper beside Scully’s, with Mulder’s below as the “witness.”

He would get Scully with his morning coffee every morning. She would get her on vacations, on special weekends, and, somewhere she had never in a million years expected to either get or look forward to getting - on paper.

The law would be involved, black ink and clerks, a mess to undo if needing undone. And the fact of all this did, at moments, make her want to run. But what did Scully deserve if not that? Her momentary fancies of flight, her panic. That was worth more than her love, it was more than she had ever been willing to entrust to anyone else.

Overhead, a couple of birds scattered noisily from the ancient stony doorway. Mulder and Scully watched them in tandem, eyes arching from here to there with expressions of matching surprise and gratitude.

“Are those pigeons or--?” Mulder asked, and Scully tightened the lobster clasp of her fingers. “Doves,” she said. “Mourning doves.”

Stella squinted and smiled alongside them in the breeze. For once, for the moment, there was nothing for any of them to mourn.

The end

#wtid #myfic #stella and scully #xfiles fic #the fall fic #thank you all for being a part of this

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anyhao-archived · 6 years

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okay im finally getting around to posting this, tbh i had to take a few days to (rest) before i thought more about this lol. also sorry it’s so long, ill put it under a read more. ANYWAYS my vav experience, as follows:

so for the fan sign there was a Lot going on so i forgot most of it but.. barons teeth sparkled when he smiled lmao anyways st van was first and I told him he was my moms favorite and he went rly?? in a really cute voice and he just seemed so surprised, it was endearing

and then jacob... i don’t mess with him anymore. jk lol he was so freaking attractive but like in a Hot way? his smile was so nice that im pretty sure i garbled my words but i tried to tell him i really like love night.. and I was going to ayno and like idk if i was joking to myself or what but just loud enough i actually said, oh that’s lots of bling! and both ayno and jacob heard me, ayno laughed genuinely and jacob was like omg i can’t believe this idiot.. i don’t think i said anything to ayno, he seemed really uncomfortable so i didn’t want to bother him anymore. but his laugh was genuine i could tell, and for a split second i don’t think he was wearing his Idol Mask(TM) when he smiled. but that’s probably just wishful thinking lol

ACE I CANT BELIEVE HIM he looked so fucking good oh my god i got to him and i called him a Casanova and he went ayyyy with a thumbs up and finger guns and i wanted to die lmfao

when i got to baron he said my name but kinda pronounced it wrong but i corrected him, and he said it again. and then i told him my name rhymes with his and he said mine like four times in different ways trying it out and rhyming it with his stage name😭 HE DIDNT have to say my name that many times, god. his English was so fucking good holy shit and his pronounciation??? Amazing and he’s so handsome up close, like literal Disney prince handsome

ziu talks sooo much!!! I love it and he’s so good looking and kind and he shook my hand and ??? he said to enjoy the show and i told him to enjoy doing the show and he did like a shy smile kind of thing !! you could tell he was trying hard with the English i was rly proud of him

lou had a flower crown on and i complimented on it and he said my name so well and there was more with him but i forgot 😢

but that was just the fan sign lol so much other stuff happened... later during the show i nearly died bc of ayno.. they were picking people to go up on stage, right? and there was a girl in front of me also with her hand raised, like freaking out (maybe a bit too much?) and i was like okay she probably wants it so i kinda like.. stopped raising my hand and gestures to her? If that makes sense... he almost picked her but when he saw me be nice and let her have it, he literally stares at me and picks me, dead on...but someone random that he wasn’t pointing at like ROWS back walked on stage before we could realize it was me but that fucking eye contact i had with him made him SHOOT up my bias list lol now I have to rethink my entire order. im like 75% sure that he picked me because i wasn’t a crazy fan, like the girl in front of me was a bit much.. and obviously if i was willing to give it up im not that insane... ladies, it pays off to be a nice person!

AND JACOB WITH THE BABY please end me i fell for him so much like he’s almost overtaking baron that’s how much i liked him last night and how nice is vav that they tried to pick new people?? like they picked the fan boy, the little baby, the elderly lady.. and they even helped her to and from the stage 💗😍 AND SPEAKING of gentlemanly stuff there was a guy with a wheelchair during the snapshots in line for jacob and when they were done he personally pushed the guy in the wheelchair all the way to where the man needed to go. he breaks my heart and heals it simultaneously, he’s so underrated but still a genuinely and QUIET nice person.. he doesn’t do good stuff to be noticed. like when winter breeze was over, they had the rappers sing it too... but not jacob. i was so upset and he also didn’t do his solo song that i specifically told him i liked, but ayno did two of his. im not bitter at all what do u mean ??? 🤷‍♀️

i feel like more happened at the concert but i can’t think of much more, im sure other fan accounts will have it all. the only thing i can think about is the snapshots anyways lol

the group picture was ... interesting. the hi touch wasnt much except it reinforced my idea that ayno recognized me, bc instead of a high five he held my hand for as long as possible, probably an apology for earlier. i nearly died. the pic ended up looking awful but thats okay lol. then we tried to leave but i ended up going the wrong way, and a staff handed me roughly like actually grabbing my shoulders and pushing me in the right direction (which i did not appreciate, please chill, u just didnt tell us the right way to go...) and a few members saw that and didnt like either. ayno looked irritated but im sure hes just irritated at everything at that point lol, lou and ace looked at me sympathetically, and i gave ace the happy bday present someone asked me to give to him. he was so surprised it was adorable.

OKAY, NOW FOR THE SNAPSHOTS: so i actually had 7 snapshots but ended up getting 2 with jacob and 2 with ayno instead of one with everyone (which.. if u look above is not a surprise lmfao) so the first snapshot i do is with baron, obviously.. and this ASSHOLE wants to kill me like... for everyone i tried to pick poses that werent too touchy bc a) im not comfortable w that and b) im sure they were all tired of being touched lol so i picked the one where you make fingerhearts while standing next to each other, but NOOOOO

baron decides he doesnt like that pose enough so he literally puts his hands on my shoulders, guides me to a position thats not only in FRONT of him but CLOSER TO HIM than i was originally!!! what the fuck!! thats not all after that he had to lean around me and basically like... he was so fucking close to me oh my god. he smelled so good i need to know where he gets his cologne. also lol when he moved me in front of him i was like... omg are u sure??? im kinda tall.. and he just laughs and smiles and leans into/around me. that picture of me looks so stupid bc i was so.. happy and Not Ready lmao

anyways i go to jacob next and do the e-t touch pose lol since like i said... didnt want touchy ones and he seemed amused that i picked that one. i wonder if it was one of the least popular ones? probably.. and GOD hes rly such a gentleman hottie like i rarely say h*t but.... jacob was hot. since we did the e.t touch pose we had to touch fingertips and (eyes emoji) not to have a hand kink or anything but hes got. really nice hands. long fingers. also lmfao he had long ass fingernails and i kinda joked with him like “youve got longer fingernails than i do!!” and he laughed and smiled at me. and okay i turn to leave like gotta have the next person go but APPARENTLY he wasnt ready for the next person yet... i literally had to have the staff be like wait! jacob is saying bye to you!!! and i was like WHAT and turned around and ran back to him basically to say bye he was grinning the entire time and he waved his hand and held it up for (i thought) a high five but he grabbed it and i swear i fell for him right there. JACOB WHEN WILL U BE MINE godfjkdgd and i watched him for a little bit but he didnt say bye that enthusiatically to anyone else (that i saw, at least)

then i did the prom pose with st. van, it was adorable. you could tell he was rly trying to interact with everyone and idk what it is about him but i felt comfortable enough to actually do a Touchy pose (the holding arm pose, like prom yknow). we love an amazing leader~

oH i did one with ziu too!! i did the byung byung pose with the hands together and we both looked ridiculous lol. i dont remember much about him except he was so tall wtf taller than i expected.

at this time i keep looking at my pics and THE E.T PIC WITH JACOB??? makes me crack the hell up.... it had to have been fate, obviously. in the pic (from the camera flash, i guess) where our fingers were touching, it just SO HAPPENED THAT THERE WAS A FLASH OF LIGHT......... iconic. jacob n i are meant to be. so i get in line for him again bc i want to show him the pic, but by the time i got up there again i had forgotten. i was also like... ready for a touchy pose with him bc why not. i cant remember what pose i did with him or if anything happened, im sure i was in a trance then lmao. pretty sure he recognized me but i cant be sure.

then i get in line for ayno and i have two snapshot tickets left, and the staff announces theres only a few mins left so i was like SHIT and figured id just do two with ayno bc i didnt wanna waste any. his line was so long and staff had to keep reminding ppl not to hug/touch him and i felt soooo bad. i picked poses that werent too close to him, and even those in the pic he looked like he was trying to not be close to me lol. i feel so bad for him, im sure he got a lot of weird fans that night. i think he recognized me (again) because he smiled genuinely like he was happy i was there. i think he appreciated that i picked poses that didnt require touching -- he probably had a Lott of that. when the second pic was being printed the staff member laughed at something someone said, but i thought she was laughing at my picture bc i take shit pics and i got offended for a second and so did ayno LMAO but then she explained and i said bye to him and he went back into Idol Mask(TM) and i think that was it.

i also ate at ihop that night, it was great, we didnt get back to our hotel till after 2am, it felt so... young adult-ish to be out so late lmao. i was very proud at how everything turned out, i dont think i wouldve changed a thing

anyway, long story short: im in love with jacob, baron is a disney prince, ayno shot up my bias list (he was like... last lmao) and i appreciate him as a person. those three were the Big Three, but i still loved meeting the other members. 10/10 would recommend vav

#vav #mtxt #vav in chicago #vav meet and live tour #please reply to this i spent so long typing it lol #honestly i cant tell 100% about ayno but..#idk it might be wishful thinking #but i really thought i saw changes in his aura depending on who talked to him #anyways.. my time of death was ayno eye contact o clock #lmao

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diariesof-kg · 3 years

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Accountability.

08_12_21

I don’t have much to blog about. I was thinking of not typing my blogs but record and post. It would be easier for people to listen than read a 4-page letter about my thoughts. This helps me cope with my thoughts, since they are all over the place and some things come to the forefront that I forgot about. I want to take time to reflect slightly. I want to take accountability for myself. As I get more comfortable speaking about what happened to me for nine months, it’ll be easier to post it on my IG. It’ll be easier for my followers to understand me. To understand the mind of someone who lived in silent.

After everything ended, I cried for a week straight. And it wasn’t no small cry, it was so bad, I couldn’t breathe. It was so bad, I felt like I was so empty. And as I reflect, I see myself sitting at the desk, trying to work and crying. But I also see the light at the end that I could not see before. I remember telling my therapist, that I was officially beyond repair. And that I worked so hard to self heal from the same shit I told myself I would never deal with again. That’s the accountability for myself. After 2016, I worked very hard to heal with no therapy and was dating easily. I was likeable asf. So it hurts and I am disappointed in myself that I repaired me just to have to do the shit all over again. I think when I think about that, I cry a lot. Because I’ve been through so much and of course everyone watched my relationship on IG, because I posted it all over. And when I got out, everyone was happy for me. I am disappointed because I allowed myself to allow the things to happen to me. The moment she appeared at my house unannounced because I didn’t come to dinner was a red flag to remove myself. And I didn’t. The moment when she cursed me out just for asking about posting photos of me and her, was a red flag. There were so many flags waving and I ignored them. I have to take responsibility for my ignorance. Some of it is my fault, because I allowed it. I told myself and I told God, I WOULD NEVER end up in a situation like I was years ago. I had understood the signs of abuse, I had read so many blogs and articles. But I fell hard and fast.

There is a lot of disappointment that I feel and although they tell me, it’s not your fault, it still sucks. Maybe if I was less of a lover I wouldn’t feel this way. I legit was going on dates and had no interest in anyone. Although they really wanted to date me or see me again, I declined. Plus I had booked this TV show and in order to get a Capricorn attention or time, you have to honestly work for it. And I think this Taurus knew that. That’s why it was so easy to capture my attention and so easy to get me. And it sucks. Especially when she said I flaked on her, when I really had to film this show. That should have been some sort of sign from the universe to skip over this one and date someone else. I feel so eh.... I am still trying to figure that out. I am according to so many others “hard to get...” I am not hard to get, you just have to have that vibe that vibes with me. I think I liked her from the conversation and I never felt that type of energy from any other women I went on dates with. But still after that, I should have known. By now I’d be proposing or some shit to the right women. But instead I’m picking up the pieces of myself to start healing all over again.

I don’t even have the energy to date. I feel like I am stuck on her, like some weird ass soul-tie, but I no longer want her. It took about 90 days to get rid of those feelings and wanting someone who never wanted you. It was hard. Despite having a restraining order, parts of me wanted to just talk to her, parts of me wanted to be intimate, parts of me never wished it happened. But I realize that it was meant to happen. And this portion, I can’t wait to share with the public, because the push-pull was real. It’s a battle between your mind and heart. It’s a battle between those on the outside. But at the end of the day it was me who made the choices to remain strong and not fall for it. I am also realizing that, I was used for the moment. At the beginning she said she was talking to someone else before me and parts of me wished she chose the other girl. Parts of me is wondering why me? Was it easier to manipulate me? Was it because I am a Capricorn and I love money? Because of what? I feel used. I even feel more disgusted, because I broke my 90day rule of intimacy and later she tells me before our date she had sex with some female who had a whole girlfriend. If that doesn’t scream RED FLAG, I don’t know what does. I don’t condone infidelity. I have to take responsibility for falling deaf on things that were clearly present. I don’t date cheaters!!! And she’s a damn serial cheater. I fault for myself again for just not paying attention. If yall don’t understand how the signs were clearly present, I don’t even know. I honestly don’t date cheaters and I am very adamant about that. I never cheated in my life! So WTF.

And it’s so crazy how women think that I have multiple women when I don’t. Yes I have women interested in me, but do I talk to them all at once, No! We usually end as friends and they date someone else, while I’m single and they keep in contact, because they like me. And when they do bring up about wanting me, I put them in their place, because if you do that, then you lose me as a friend, so they understand. My phone has no lock or code on it. You can look through my shit. It’s mind boggling. So the advocate today asked, what did you guys argue about the most? And honestly there was no answer to that. It was either I wasn’t communicating enough or I wasn’t doing what she wanted. It’s got to be an issue with the Taurus, someone ask Chris Brown. Lol. Like seriously my friend dated a Taurus and that taurus physically did harm. You can’t tell me they are not violent. She has a restraining order on that bish. So.... if everything is good with a Taurus and a Capricorn except the communication is 3/5 then, what’s with the violence. I don’t think anyone can decipher it, except all the taurus I spoke to said they love hard. I love hard too, but you don’t see me controlling or manipulating anyone I dated. I don’t need to be in control. Just some sort of weird chemical imbalance to me.

You know what sucks is my brother. He never got along with other people I dated and he just jumped into her arms and was so happy. Damn *insert sad face* My brother matters and I always said, I can’t date people if you don’t get along with him, because humans with disabilities are beautiful and deserve the same recognition. And it definitely shows your character. One time he said her name and I had to explain to him, that she gone home and never to return. Isn’t that crazy. He doesn’t understand, but understands. I can’t tell him NO, don’t say that, because he would not understand it. I feel sad about that, because my brother had a “friend” someone that acknowledged him and he loved that. And I am responsible for sort of taking that away. Plus he’s a dude he love thick women. Lol, I’m done with him, he’s a character.

I need two days of a break from blogging. Lol, My weekends are to relax. But I am disappointed that I may not buy a Tesla, because it’s so damn complicated. Like wtf Elon. Lol, I need to do an interview or an update, because I am so different now. But like I said several celebrities follow that page and one I know. And I just don’t have that confidence to be okay with them knowing, it’s so weird. I mean when I meet H.E.R. like on some intimate shit, best believe we having a whole conversation. Lol. I did reach out to H.E.R. management though. I am serious about her singing at my reception after I’m married.

I still need to write this will and beneficiaries documents. I am still very sure that my next partner can have my assets. Because you honestly never know. It’s not something I’d bring up on the first date, Lol, but it’s there. I am always a planner. I be two years ahead but still be stuck in the current year. I do want to fall in love again. It’s still there, maybe by 2022. I thought I’d bounce back but I can’t and I’m impatient but I can wait. But I signed up for classes, and I am going back to OT, so I really don’t have time for no one else unless they were persistent like she was, but even then I couldn’t trust them. It’s a process. It really is. And of course I think once I feel this soul-tie completely break and separate Ill be ready. And ignorance is a bliss. Because I told her she was my person and when you say things out loud, the universe listens. So that’s why it’s taking longer to move on. I am so spiritual it sucks sometimes.

It’s past 10pm and I need to sleep... until next time.

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yahoosodapop · 6 years

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The flaws in The Last Jedi

I love the movie. It was surprisingly deep after you get over the initial shock and overwhelming sensation of being thrust multiple concepts in a span of 2.45 hours.

Seems like the vocal ‘minority’ is all over the online reviews for this movie. I say vocal because I’ve seen this thing happen so many times...when a certain group doesn’t want like something the actively trash metacritic or any other public review systems. So I’ve learned to ignore it.

But let’s be honest, the movie is without its flaws.

Let’s go through the 3 major plot points and what I felt was lacking in them:

1. Resistance on the run

Leia is grooming Poe to lead. She say’s it herself when she berates him about his decision to sacrifice a very hefty chunk of their fleet to a ill-thought of bombing run.

“I see dead heroes. No leaders.”

Cut to Admiral Holdo, who Poe appears to woo over but eventually she shuts him out - asking him to be patient and trust the leadership. Poe doesn’t trust her and in turn instigates a mutiny on board.

I was...WTF Poe?!?

I get it, this story arc was learning about leadership. But at some point, he is insufferable. Being all flirty and cocky to get on Holdo’s good side and once she spurred him, he ended up as a mutineer. They played his cocky pilot without a brain scenario too much that Oscar Isaac’s face can no longer save me from being annoyed at his character.

When Holdo sacrificed herself in the end...WOW...that was the leader that the resistance truly needed. She had a plan all along. It’s too bad that Poe is now the leader of the rebels...after having such a fantastic character with Holdo, I feel let down. Bring back Holdo! I don’t care about Akbar, Holdo is much better!

This whole sequence...I don’t know --- I found it boring, irritating and I just wanted to get it over.

2. Canto Bight

Finn wakes up...

Where is Rey? Where is Rey? Where is Rey? Where is Rey? Where is Rey? Where is Rey? Where is Rey? Where is Rey? Where is Rey? Where is Rey? Where is Rey? Where is Rey? Where is Rey? Where is Rey?

And later on it turned to...

I’m doing this so I can run away with Rey. I’m doing this so I can run away with Rey. I’m doing this so I can run away with Rey. I’m doing this so I can run away with Rey. I’m doing this so I can run away with Rey.

Again it was annoying.

Finn held no allegiance to anyone except himself and Rey. To some extent, DJ was introduced as a parallel to Finn --- having no allegiance to anyone except himself and money. DJ is the man that Finn could become. A coward.

Parts of the Canto Bight sequence felt too long and too unnecessary. That whole bit about the racing creatures, the kids, the chase sequence...it felt too long. And when they get to the ship it gets boring --- even when they land on the Snoak’s ship...it just felt dull overall.

DJ could have been an excellent character. He could have delivered the war duality on a better level (Lord knows Benico Del Toro has the acting chops for anything)...perhaps had they talked more in the prison cell rather than all the other things that happened in Canto Bight that might have made more sense. But that much needed duality discussion on the ship and later on Snoak’s ship- fell flat. In the end most people do not need to question the status quo. It is what, it is. Bad guys and good guys.

And Rose...really a fantastic character who had a big crush on Finn due to his heroic exploits. I loved the moment when she shocked Finn ~ you go girl!!!

She gives some interesting insights on Canto Bight...but once again it falls flat. She delivers one of the best lines in the movie in the end as she saves Finn --- and I find myself asking...what has he ever done to deserve that from you because ‘Rey! Rey Rey! Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey!!!!’

And the fight with Phasma...it was so anti-climactic that I am so sad they had wasted Gwendoline Christie. Once again...Finn wins by pure luck. It wasn’t a showdown of epic proportions --- it was accidental whimper to the end.

And I am getting annoyed by BB-8 deus ex machina droid. Not even R2 could have done those miracles.

Finn in TLJ is no different from Finn in TFA. I’m expecting his first line to Rey in the third movie as "Run away with me, Rey.”

3. The balance and the Force

a.k.a The real story that Rian Johnson wanted to tell but somehow he had to talk about the other guys too...

I’m not going to talk about Reylo here because that is the best part of the movie for me - and you can see how much Rian Johnson enjoyed himself with that but let’s get down to business - the people who are hating the movie have reasons that all boil down to Luke’s characterization (not exactly the ‘abusive’ ship known as Reylo *gasp*!!!)

The first time I watched it, I was upset that Rian Johnson dragged my childhood hero / my favorite SW characters through the mud. No wonder Mark Hamill was upset before when he first read the script... Well Mark is ok now after having several debates with Rian himself...but none of us have the luxury of that...

Later on, you understand why Luke turned out the way he did and why he wanted the Jedi to end. But it takes A LOT of thinking.

They needed a lot of time, scenes and dialogue to convey what happened to Luke. And there were a lot of things in Ach-To that were too unnecessary and should just have been converted to Luke talking or showing Rey what’s going on.

Rather than that long and unnecessary bit about Luke’s adventures in Ach-To... The Green Milk... Those annoying Porgs (whose only purpose was for us to say awwwww...and I wish Chewie just ate them)... All that walking with nothing going on...That terribly long sequence with Rey and the mirror (I understand why the mirror sequence is important but it was too long).

All that wasted time could have been used to tell us more about our battered hero, Luke.

Hell take in all those annoying sequences from Poe and Finn’s story arcs and just focus on the most controversial and heartbreaking realization in this movie...Luke is not perfect.

The moments that should have explained Luke, prior to the startling revelation about what happened between him and Ben, were condensed to 3 lessons (with each lesson probably having 2 measly minutes of dialogue).

Lesson 1: The Force both light and dark. It doesn’t give damn if you’re a Jedi or a Sith. It balances itself.

Lesson 2: The way of the Jedi is wrong. (really MORE explanation should have been given here. I think Rian should have thrown in visual flashbacks on how the Jedi effed up to hammer the point home.) In fact, they could have dumped the whole duality of war concept here. With Luke explaining how the good guys and bad guys are the same.

Lesson 3: Failure is the greatest teacher. Of course, Rey doesn’t hear this lesson but she experiences it later on when she fails to bring back Ben (partly her fault). But this is highlighted with Yoda and Luke having a conversation...again it wasn’t that well done and it should have been more substantial.

Perhaps if those 3 lessons were given more importance, the audience may have more time to understand a humanized version Luke rather than outright reject what happened to him.

Of course the end is not without hope:

- Poe is slowly learning to become a leader and he better be since Leia won’t be in Ep IX and they killed a perfectly fantastic character with Holdo. No more of Poe/Holdo dynamic of gaining trust with an icky ‘you tell me your secrets and I’ll tell you mine...” vibe. It’s more ‘Hi I’m Poe and nice to meet you force weapon Rey.”

- Finn is attempting to pick a side. Of course, after the customary ‘Reeeeeeeeey~~~!’ reunion, we see him actually giving time to plain unextraordinary normal Rose. (And I live for the moment when Finn actually ends up in a relationship it’s not with super girl Rey and realize how super normal girls can be.)

- And Luke. Gives hope to his sister that Ben is still there and that Han didn’t die in vain. He cements his failure by death and at the same time tell’s Ben that he will always be with him. Cue in ‘Ben Solo redemption attempt Part II’ via Force Ghost Luke.

I love the movie. I really did. And I might watch it again on IMAX if I find time during the holidays. But I understand the outrage. We are used to movies that we just ingest for entertainment and forget. The last two movies I saw prior to TLJ were Justice League and Thor Ragnarok - purely popcorn movies where mI throw my brain out of the window to enjoy. Rian Johnson tried to give SW a deeper meaning but at the same time it can only be done by challenging what most people hold true for Star Wars. Even if Rian had the perfect movie cut, it would still not be enough to satisfy the weight of the fanboy expectation...

...

With Luke being unable to handle the weight of the universe’s expectation of him being the savior of the galaxy being a metaphor for what’s been going on with the SW franchise.

#star wars #the last jedi #tlj spoilers #the last jedi review

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braywashed · 7 years

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anyway at some point i should probably ramble about my trip to boston?? so i’m gonna go ahead and do that??

like right off the bat let me just say the worst [art was actually GETTING to mass. my train was supposed to leave at 9:55am, and around 7:50 i got a text saying it was delayed until 1:03pm. we arrived around noon, and gradually my anxiety about going on the trip turned into anxiety of NOT getting on the trip as the board kept delaying... and delaying... and delaying...

....and then it started pouring out. crazy wind. murmurs the train lost signal and all contact with the station. after i finally got on (at 3:00pm), my aunt texted me that all that? yeah. that was a tornado warning. wat.

i got a pair of seats to myself for most of trip. fought with my wifi. listened to the crazy lady rant about dope ruining america a few rows back. mostly enjoyed the view and basked in the fact that i was not, shockingly, puking my stomach lining out. until we got to utica, and a shit ton of people got on.

my seat buddy then became an almost cute 18 year old dude with dreads and a lower half trash polka sleeve who was more interested in his earbuds than anything so i was fine with this. until we were about to MA and a few exchanged word and lazy lounging around turned into him doing THING guys think is cute where they lowkey rub your skin with the side of their finger against my thigh. so i ended up sitting up and the next stop he moved his shit to another seat. YEAH BYE.

along the way we kept having to stop bc signal problems and track construction and letting other trains pass. needless to say the train that was supposed to get in at like 8pm got in at at like 2:30am.

it was miserable, and raining. rachel got us an uber and i sat in the back seat next to some chick wh was super pretty and dressed up and here i was, a goblin, smelling like train restoom, in an ill fitting deadpool hoodie and yoga pants.

when we got to her place she made me some ramen (WITH THE RANDOM EGG AND EVERYTHING) that was good but spicy af and my stomach noped out and tbh over a week later my stomach is just now letting me eat properly again. tho i’m blaming this more on the issues with my abdomen acting up prior to leaving than the actual trip (tho, my skin having pores the size of actual craters i am blaming on the trip). i think the one thing we ate that DIDN’T act up in my body was the awful chicken wings we got from Wings Over that were about half fat and ridiculously undercooked. it figures.

ANYWAY. her futon is huge. it’s sad that i have more leg room on a futon than an actual mattress, but whatever. and there was construction going on across the street. fun fact: i came home to construction going on on MY street. so this was inescapable from the jump.

day 1 i got cute as possible and we hopped a bus and a train. my stomach was less forgiving of the motion here, but i lived. i saw Ron, the T-Rex. and we went to the isabella gardner museum where she lied and said i was a student. i was then asked a bunch of questions about being a student, none of which i was prepared for, and i’m pretty sure the only reason they let me in was because my zip code was accurate. that place is massive and pretty gorgeous from head to toe and i can’t fathom ever being that fucking rich.

then we went to get some food at a nifty little bar and restaurant . the name is escaping me rn but i stole a coaster. again, the food did not agree with me, and i could do a review on boston restrooms at this point. but it was great.

NINJA SEX PARTY! the house of blues wasn’t as bad as reviews made it sound, and aside from the mess that was the merch table they we kind of cheated like assholes due to some pretty honest confusion, was a good time. the line was MASSIVE. we got there an hour early and it was already around the corner and hard to miss. by the time we got towards the front of the building, it was around the block. we met a couple younger dudes from maine and a significantly more awkward gentleman more our age to keep us entertained. there were some street musicians. some asshole staff. you know.

all i really have to say about the concert itself was it was probably the best live music show of any kind i’ve ever been to and definitely the most enjoyable environment (huge tall dude who kept, somehow, ending up directly in front of me aside). everyone sounded amazing live, even if we were RIGHT under the speaker stage left and now permanently have bass vibrations embedded in our bones.

day two we hit up the museum of fine arts, which is massive and we didn’t see all of (and i paid full price for, thank you very much) and then grabbed a pizza and those awful wings and intended to chill out with some boy meets world. but the disks wouldn’t play. so we settled on mst3k. and let me tell you, i have not nearly cried from laughter in something as much as ‘cry wilderness’ nearly made me fucking cry.

day three we headed to south station to meet probes and hung out. there were a bunch of food trucks outside that were kinda neat. we didn’t think that girl would ever fucking find us, but she did. everything was OKAY. NO NEED TO PANIC. NO FIVE HOUR DELAYS. jess gives massive hugs, for the record.

we hit up a spot for lunch where they served be like, the biggest plate of pasta and bread i have ever witnessed in my life. i felt wasteful only eating barely half of it. then we found our way to the trains and the aquarium just in time for some sweet penguin education and eventually a lecture on their huge ass fucking tank that takes up the entire center of the room with a 90 year old sea turtle in it and some sharks and string rays. it was pretty cool, yo. i got a stuffed squid in the gift shop, even tho we did not see any giant squids (0/10 do not recommend) and outside jess gave me a present even though i fucking told everyone no presents (RAChEL ALSO GAVE ME NAIL POLISH AND A WRISTBAND WTF). it was a new day candy bar from fye. and yes, pop rocks n chocolate is surprisingly pleasant.

our PLAN was to go see hitmans bodyguard. but everyone showing it before like 7 was only showing 3d, and we wanted to get her on a bus home by 9. haha what fucking suckers @ us, because the bus didn’t leave until like 10. so we got shitty milkshakes, hit up the comic shop, and wandered around harvard for a bit until it got dark. and then were stuck at south station, wondering if she was going to be stuck in MA forever. reflecting on two quiet nerds and one extrovert being a not great possible combination of three people. but i still had a good time.

day 4 we did, in fact, see hitmans bodyguard and while it was mostly forgettable summer action lulz, i do ship the hell out of samuel l jackson and salma hayek now. so that’s cool. it was a fun time. hit up the park after, and a b&n to get schooled on peak writing stephen king. then we went to starbucks and i HAD STARBUCKS FOR THE FIRST TIME?? it was the double choc ship frap thing. it’s good. i’m mad about it.

we headed back, did laundry, ordered food. i ought her dream daddy, which was a waste of money, but i do take pride in just knowing she’s stuck having technically played a portion of dream daddy now. it’s her own fault for asking about it, it really is. mostly we watched more mst3k, some grumps shit, some random shit, some postmodern jukebox, had a drink. just chilled. and the ‘oh... fuck... haha... i have to go home tomorrow’ feeling hit when i turned off the lights.

i was too bummed the next day for much of anything tbh. i get depressed after anything fun. i get depressed after wwe shows, lmao, so for the trip to already be over when it suddenly seemed like i just got there sucked. plus it only just then really hit me i was in a different part of the country, if that makes sense even if it was only one state over. it was a weird realization as someone who never travels to have.

the train home i wasn’t so lucky to be alone most of it. i ended up in an aisle seat with a college girl. we minded our own business. stuck directly under the AC that was way too cold. a woman and a fucking baby sitting the next row over the second any space cleared out. had a layover in albany where an old guy made me a shot of iced chocolate espresso which he had never been asked to make before, and truthfully, i’d never had before, but it was alright. i actually enjoyed the layover as some weird, space between spaces, time to reflect on my own in an unfamiliar place kind of thing.

we got in around midnight, my aunt picked me up. got home around one.

that was that.

i had a really good time. i’m sure it didn’t seem that way. i’m like that. but i did and i appreciated the opportunity and definitely appreciated rachel for letting me freeload on her futon and showing me around and making me ramen i felt guilty for not finishing.

the city was nice. i’m sure i was only seeing the nicer parts, mind you, but compared to rochester or buffalo it just felt wider, cleaner. idk. i didn’t HATE it, and as someone who hates being in cities for more than a couple hours, it wasn’t bad.

it was a great time away from the world and despite the stress of coming home to everything, and a room without molding on the door (which was, for the record, still locked), i did feel a lot better afterwards. i still do.

#sam does boston mass #no one cares but for my own records u kno

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honeylikewords · 7 years

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Merman AU HCs

1. David: A quiet merman, even by his own kind’s standards. Some believe that his vocal chords were damaged. The truth is that he can speak – can even sing a bit – but he just doesn’t really want to. (There’s a legend that he accidentally caused a ship to sink with his singing and he’s felt horrible for it ever since.) He met his human after his giant form got caught in a fishing net and she set him free after noticing how scared he was and that he posed no threat in spite of how big and imposing he initially seemed to be. Out of his immense sense of compassion and care, he sneaks up to her boat whenever she comes back to gift her with plants or stones you can only recover from the deep. In turn, she offers to teach him about some of what mankind has to offer. He is curious about land animals and is delighted to learn about them when the human girl offers to teach him. He wishes he could take the NatGeo issues down with him but can’t risk ruining the pictures so he makes sketches and hides them (can’t have the others growing suspicious on how he knows wtf a bobcat looks like). He wants to see a zoo if he ever gets to go on land – but he’ll only see one if it’s with the girl.

2. Eddie: A tattooed, dark-haired Ariel essentially. Seriously, he just is so enamored with the idea of the human world that when he comes into close contact with a human for the first time, he actually pleads for her to come back. (But they have to do so in secrecy.) He asks about human traditions and conventions, loving to note the differences between ours and his. It eventually comes to a point where he realizes just how unique every human is … and decides that his human girl is the most interesting thing about the human world. Soon, his questions drift to courting conventions. She’s a bit flustered, but explains anyway because she assumes its just his usual curiosity. “So, we have these things called kisses –” “I know what a kiss is; we DO have them down here.” “Oh.” “… But I’ve heard about coitus, so what’s that?” “NOW WE WILL TALK ABOUT CREAM PUFFS AND HOW THEY ARE A WELL-LOVED DELICACY IN HUMAN SOCIETY, YUP YUP.” If he ever gets a day on land, he wants to see everything human that he possibly can. Including his human girl.

3. Monty: Monty is probably the least mermanly one on the list in the traditional sense, being ready to attack at a moment’s notice rather than swim away. He’s just very territorial like that. Rumor has it he was raised by sharks but we’ll never know. He didn’t mean to save the human girl while she was drowning. But he didn’t feel like other humans searching his waters trying to look for her, so he plops her on shore and tries to literally hightail it before she regains consciousness. It doesn’t work. She keeps coming back to the shore where he left her, hoping he’ll reappear. He doesn’t understand why he eventually does but the moment he does, he finds himself not being as eager about leaving as he thought he would. His favorite thing to learn about the human world is all the variations of tattoos there are. Tattoos in the merman world are pretty limited to swirls and tribal-like to indicate region, so hearing about stars and daggers and even skulls sounds neat! He wants to get a tattoo if he ever gets a day on land. He’ll even let the girl pick what he gets, so long as it’s cool.

4. Joe: Joe is a solitary merman, but he helps a drowning girl out of the kindness of his two hearts. He doesn’t know what makes him stay to make sure that she wakes up. Really, by merman law and his own personal desire to be alone, he should’ve just plopped her there on the wet sand and swam away. But he doesn’t do any of that: He stays, long enough to feel a perplexing form of relief bubble within him the moment she coughs up whatever water was still inside her and attempts to sit up. He’s even less sure what drives him to return to the same spot in the hopes of seeing her there again. The only thing he does know is that he likes listening to her talk. She doesn’t have the enchanting vocals that mermaids and mermen do, but there’s still just something about her voice that entrances him … After some time, he still doesn’t understand what compels him to do the things that he does to be around her more. The only thing he does know? That he doesn’t want to be alone anymore. At least, not by himself. But alone with her, in the great, big, noisy world? He wouldn’t mind that.

5. Shane: Shane is one of those mermen who goes out of his way to cause trouble. On his own people, on humans, whatever. He especially enjoys singing to coax women out to him in the hopes of seducing them. But one night, he takes it too far. He didn’t mean to make the ship go off course or crash into the rocks. He didn’t mean to cause so much destruction. As often indifferent to humans as he is, he still has two hearts. They both demand that he save the one last person whom the lifeboats hadn’t yet noticed was not recovered: A human girl, whose dress had gotten snagged on a broken, sinking mast. He hides in the water nearby the part of shore that he’d left her on, making sure that her kind found her. Afterwards, he can’t help but stick around the area whenever possible to assure that she was okay. It’s the guilt inside of him. Eventually one day, she does catch sight of him and instantly assumes (and correctly) that he was the one who cause the ship to break so close to shore and that he needs to pay for the havoc he caused. It takes all of his pleading for her forgiveness and even then she’s not entirely giving of it. But after somehow launching into a conversation about how his kind is so destructive, and him accusing hers of being just the same, they begin trying to defend their kind and their activities. Which then turns into giving each other fun facts. Which then develops into many rendezvous to that one little part of the shore, hidden by the rocks…

6. Mike: Mike is also curious about humans, but nowhere near to the obsessive extent as Eddie. …So why the crap was HE the one that got captured!? He pondered this over and over and over as he sat grumpily and overwhelmed by nerves in the glass tank that was barely enough room for him to put his finds out in (for once he was glad he was a smaller merman). His nerves only worsen when his container is taken into a fancy-looking room. He doesn’t care if the human lady suddenly looking down into his tank is pretty, this is terrifying as all getout! But as the lady commands the other people in the room go, she kneels down and pleads in a hushed voice for him to calm down. He was meant to be a gift, she explains. Some suitor thought he could win her over by presenting an elusive merman. Now she just felt bad for Mike. But Mike explains that he can’t return home now, not after so many have bared witness to his existence. Now both are miserable … All the girl can do, really, is request the construction of a large tank for him, keeping him in the palace’s large pool until further notice. In order to make him feel a bit better, she stops by to tell him stories. It doesn’t mute the pain, but it does make being stuck on land a bit more bearable. Eventually, though, a part of him wants to know of the world beyond the pool and beyond his tank. Where does the human girl go when she’s not telling him stories? What does she do? What’s a ball? Can he go to one? He soon begins wondering if perhaps there is someone out there who can concoct a spell that will allow him to be more human, so that he might be able to exist better in this world. After all, if Mike the merman exists, then surely other magical things do as well…

7. BJ: BJ saw his first human when he was a wee thing. She was about his age in human years. Adorable. He never forgot her and since then has harbored a secret desire to see her again. Apparently Merman God heard his heart’s desire, and granted that wish years later when the girl, now grown up, tipped over in her rowboat. At first she just assumed that BJ was a man who swam way out to sea (after all, his athletic form suggested that he had that ability). But once he started making excuses as to why he didn’t want to hitch a ride back to land in her now turned-right-side-up boat, she felt something was literally fishy. It didn’t take long for her to figure it out. But once she does, BJ can’t help but want to show himself off. He does tricks, flips, anything he can to show off his physique. And she eats. It. UP. She boats out every chance she can get to see him and he just loves it. But he hates when she leaves. He wants to go onto land and see what things she can do there, where she’s in her own element. He doesn’t want some other human to take her away …

8. Frank: Similar to Joe, Frank likes his solitude. However, unlike Frank, he’s not as steadfast about it. He helps a human girl out of the goodness of his heart and has no problem with leaving before she wakes up. But he’s so confused when she keeps showing up, collecting shells, even at high tide. Was she trying to get killed!? He shouts at her to leave from behind a rock. She doesn’t. Instead, the little weirdo just asks him why HE won’t leave. …She had a point there. Besides, what did he care? He decides to stay until she leaves, just incase she got swept out to sea again. The next day, she comes back again to collect things from the sand. She knows he’s there, so she starts conversing with him, talking about her home and town and asking him for any of his own stories to keep her entertained. Frank doesn’t want to. He really doesn’t want to blow anything out of the water, no pun intended. But eventually, he finds himself commenting more and more on her stories before his own begin spilling out. He’s pretty sure she knows what he is. He doesn’t mind it. But the third week, he knows she harbors no ill will towards him for it. He begins positioning shells you can only collect in the deeper parts of the water where she can find them. Wouldn’t want her wandering too far in and getting swept back, now would we?

stARTS SCREAMING SO LOUDLY THAT THE RAFTERS OF MY HOUSE SHAKE

YOU ARE SO AMAZING AND EACH OF THESE IS SO LOVING CRAFTED AND RENDERED AND DETAILED AND I LOVE I LOVE I LOVE

ohhh my god i’m so overwhelmed i don’t even know where to start ohhhh my goodness gracious ohhh my lord

NOW I WANT TO KNOW MORE AND WRITE MORE ABOUT THIS AND OH MY GOSH

how many of them end up becoming human and how? do any of them stay mermen? do any of them manage to coax their beloved into joining them as merpeople? oh my goodness gracious

#submission #ALSO EDDIE BEING CURIOUS ABOUT WHAT COITUS IS HAS ME IN STITCHES #fave #mega fave #SUPER SPECIAL TAG #AHHHH #long post ///#mermaid!au #multi

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yuissamidare · 7 years

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aight aight lets do this

zombie au

i wanted??? to develop the side characters more because i love them and they make me super happy when they get on screen and i went to sleep and woke up in the dead of night like. Ah. I Know.

the gist was dekapan creates a virus that mimics those weird wasp things that inject venom in caterpillars and wasps and leave them zombie-fied until they end up sacrificing themselves for the wasps babies. it works like my theory for gakkou gurashi and idk the zombies should follow their everyday routine expect that they also kill people. i’ve scrapped that idea and like, recreated how the zombies work but shhhh this part is a Super Secret.

he’s having trouble with money and! he loves science! he loves messing up and starting over and finding that one xyz fit that makes everything click how he wants to! but that costs money, and it’s money he doesnt have, so? he calls a kid he used to babysit and get along with for some help. hatabou gets him a job with a sketchy government probably trying to cure the common cold or make it impossible to burn your skin in the sun or something so of course he does the work given to him, because money is money, but the moment it gets on tv and is announced to the world dekapan calls everyone like 'hey guys dont take the vaccine something fuckys going on' and then the zombie outbreak starts and everyone gets split up and they find each other eventually after Bad Things and everyone gets fucked up about it.

people who we dont get to see pair up find each other and begrudgingly work together.

jyushimatsu and todomatsu are w matsuyo!! she has them go on a trip to the mall with her, and it’s very densely packed and a trains ride from home (jyushimatsus here to carry bags and todomatsus here bc oohhh a mall far away). the outbreak happens while theyre in the mall, and momma and todomatsu get separated from jyushimatsu for a little while -- they do find him again, and momma decks a zombie in the face. todomatsu cries. if i were to write this, i’d focus like??? 2 - 3 chapters focusing on them being in the mall, finding a group of other survivors, and then leaving the group. depending on length and my Stamina which is. not good.

next group is totoko and karamatsu!!! and. its not because of.... anything. but totoko!! if anything is really strong and i can see her carrying an iron will and inspiring other people to follow he lead and! i like the dynamic they had with that like One Interaction. idk the beginning all too well?? like how they meet up and stick together, but i have everything after that pretty clear in my head. this would be??? the second arc of the story maybe? it take a while for them to actually get along and things go Bad in the start because ahaha karamatsu is a Fuck Up, and after that karamatsu just stops trying to talk to her and just trails behind while totoko vehemently refuses to let him help her with anything. and i actually?? dont wanna say too much about this because. ITS SURPRISE. but after they start getting along karamatsu gives her a fishbone braid, and she talks about missing her brother and they do some Feelings Talk.

idk what the fuck to do with osomatsu, ichimatsu, and choromatsu??? someones learning medicine and surgery from dekapan, someones getting yelled at by chibita while hatabou mediates, and someone starts stealing things with iyami and then starts crying in the back of his van after a close call, but idk who because they all keep flip flopping positions in my head. like, at first ichimatsu was getting yelled at, but then i put him with iyami, but then im like ‘ohhh doctor ichimatsu’. then osomatsu was with chibita n hatabou, then i was like ‘but oh he and iyami have a great dyamic’. and choromatsu was with dekapan at first bt then i was :/ with that and put him with chibita. those three are hecking me up idk what to do.

paranormal investigators

We Are All Dependant On Our Brothers

the matsuno bros start up a ghost bustin company thats set up in a run down project and they’re all crowed up in a shitty apartment funded by hatabou and todomatsus part time job with equipment provided by dekapan because after high school it was decided that ‘shit lets hunt some ghost’ and everyone was like ‘yea sure.’

it was spawned by a dream i had where choromatsu and karamatsu are on a case and choros like 'k we gotta distract the ghost' and karas like 'got it' and while choros doing. whatever. karamatsu comes out in a bathrobe and sashays like 'ooh noo ;)) i sure hope no ghosts are going to get me while im naked and vulnerable ;)))' and choros like. 'who gave you permission to be such garbage.' and. oh. he did.

and then later in the day a stray thought where osomatsu and karamatsu got confronted by a ghost thats like ‘ICHIMATSU MATSUNO!!! YOU, MY ENEMY WHOVE IVE TRACED DOWN FROM BARBADOS TO THE ARAN ISLANDS TO-’ then osomatsu cuts him off like ‘bro we arent ichimatsu’ and the three of them stare at each other for ten minutes before karamatsu offers to call him for the ghost and the ghost is like ‘!!!! could you?? i mean, im still damning you both to hell but’ and then ichimatsu picks up the phone, and as soon as the ghost starts talking he expels it in 0.0000000000000000000000001 seconds.

superheros

the brothers are b-rate superheros who end up in the newspapers sometimes. iyami and chibitas That Dude who ends up in hostage situations all the time and begrudgingly drive them home and make sure they eat even though they claims to hate them. its actually.... based of the storyline for my ocs so i wont actually talk about that again. nnu9mubvufe8n.

again, they live in a shit ass project but they live right next door to each other instead of crowding in One Apartment, its two with three each. they are all actively looking for day jobs because while the government pays well they struggle being adults. but this time adults with superpowers.

rpg/video game

like. back in the naru.to fandom there was a point where video game aus were really popular, like the whole grinding/gaining stats/unlocking new areas thing n all that and it surprisingly worked really well when written right?. so i was thinking about that and spacing out and i was like Oh Fuck. so this au got birthed. osomatsus the king, karas the knight, jyushi is a prince who gets kidnapped, ichis prince #2, choromatsus a wandering mage, n todos the royal advisor.

jyushimatsu gets kidnapped in the dead of night, and osomatsus like ‘what the flying fuck karamatsu get over here lets go get him back.’ so they leave, and have ichimatsu look after the kingdom for him. hes like 'wait what please im' and is thrust into power anyways. he and todomatsu are surprisingly competent leaders and the kingdom does really good under him, even better than with osomatsu?? though he locked himself in his room for the first week and todomatsu just kept banging on the door OPEN UP YOU FUCK YOU HAVE PAPERWORK. and its an insanely huge amount because osomatsu keeps putting it off unless someone watches him and he does all the stuff like funding the armies and expanding territories before stuff like regulating taxes and funding schools and hospitals.

jyushimatsu escapes on his own after a day n is like HMMMM HOW TO GET HOME..... but then he enters a little run down village and meets homura and falls In Love and they spend time together and he eventually just forgets to come home because hes so happy with her

meanwhile with the idiot eldest duo. karamatsu doesnt know how to fucking.... spend money so when they meet choromatsu whos like the stop n shop npc he gives him all the money he has for an enchanted pair of ankle warmers that he could put his face on and that can react to his emotions. osomatsus like ‘what the entire fuck bro’ and goes to get their money back, but then ends up spending all his money on a charm thatll increase his gambling luck.

‘we’ve been bamboozled, my dearest king. our money taken right before our eyes as a miser deceived us and robbed us of everything we’re worth,’ ‘wanna beat him up, karamatsu?’ ‘of course i do.’

choromatsus like ????? wtf its not my fault you two dont know how to spend money. but they fight, and osomatsus like ‘join our party!!’ and they take a few days to convince him but he does join and he and osomatsu hit it off really well, and osomatsu decided after everything, hes going to adopt choromatsu.

(’but we’re the same age, my king’ karamatsu says in response to his proposal.

‘FINE, then ill get mom to adopt him, geez.’

then they meet chibita and n chibita and karamatsus like ‘if youre taking choromatsu, im taking chibita in if he says yes’ and osomatsus like ‘ask mom first’)

the three of them go to the place jyushimatsu was taken to, beat everyone up, and then realize he isnt there. so they just. dejectedly walk into a nearby village for rest and chibita gives them free beer.

they meet jyshimatsu an hour later on a date with homura and yes. they decide to adopt her as a sister too. (is someone marrying into your family considered adoption?? idk but everyones family now, no excuses.)

royalty/split at birth

i hate angst i just wish everyone could be happy, i say as i look through my notebook with angsty plot points as i reference my life.

the gist is: the cold color trio living in slums rather than a palace but then oso finds out OH SHIT WE HAVE MORE BROTHERS WE GO GET THEM and everyones stressed the fuck out

as soon as osomatsu finds out he has troops scour the kingdom for the them, with the directions ‘there are three more people with my face, go get em’ and he sends troops out. to everyone outside the castle this is a very ?????!!!!!!!!!! thing???because the royal family has solidified themselves as Bad Selfish people who tax unfairly and dont care about the poor. like, the rich people are all like oh! i wonder what the royal family is planning theyre so good to our kingdom ha ha! while the poor people are freaking the fuck out.

the cold colors only get a brief warning about the troops coming and the first thing ichimatsu does when he hears this is go and break all the fancy plates and choromatsus like ‘wtf are you doing!!!’ and ichimatsu just looks at him like ‘i love and respect my family so im doing what i need to’ and karamatsu takes that as his cue to take his mothers valuables and hide them under the floorboards and in the walls where the stucco breaks away and choromatsu writes a note to their mom Just In Case.

they actually do get taken and theyre fucking shocked. like, instead of the royals taking everyones valuables like they expected, theyre taking them??? and the troops are no help theyre just like ‘kay go take two sets of coats and three sets of day wear’ and they have them leave straight away.

an abrupt abduction is gonna stir up shit in the village especially if they only take the boys and leave their parents and friends. imagine how paranoid they'll be. ‘oh no what if im going next' 'i hear that theyre taking our boys now and selling them off to foreign labor' 'theyre taking our children as punishment for not being able to afford tax' ‘i heard things breaking in their home what if they got taken away for resisting’

imagine all the drama and discomfort theyll feel when they see the other bros living in the lap of luxury why their friends and family suffer like :)))

its frustrating and tense for everyone because osomatsu expected them to integrate without issue. jyushimatsu doesnt understand why they get so mad at him and refuse to be his friend. todomatsu doesnt understand why all these poor people are a problem. as long as youre happy and healthy it's fine! theres no need to concern yourself with what doesnt directly affect you. if you dont see it its not happening so its best to ignore it.

ballet

osomatsu does ballet again and is happy and has found something he loves and enjoys and everyone supports him. basically, he starts feeling nostalgic and then starts watching youtube videos and goes ‘haha pah! i can do that’ and then he realizes ‘holy shit this is something i wanna spend the rest of my life doing’

sophie even wrote a fic about it and its great and every time i read it my heart pounds ten thousand times a second and i start smiling so hard my cheeks hurt.

detectives

jyushimatsu’s an overworked forensic scientist, choromatsu’s an exasperated detective, osomatsus is watson, todomatsu’s head of the branch, and ???? ichimatsu where are you??

karamatsu’s fucking dead but he aint important.

they solve mysteries n do detective stuff.

theres also another au thats like platonic soulmate thing but eh

#mbbbaf #long post #no like for real its a long ass post #these are all awful and they could all use Work but i like them #what is this

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datingadviceonreddit · 5 years

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Hi all, first time posting to Reddit so sorry in advance if I ramble or do something wrong. Ill try and make this as brief and clear as possible.Some background to paint a self portrait. I'm a 25(m) and work in sales for a large distributor. I've always struggled with self esteem issues, so trying to figure out if someone is into me has always been a chore. I'm by no means a Debbie Downer about myself, I actually like to think I exude confidence and don't care about other peoples opinions. But deep down I have a real bad self-image of myself.With that in mind, I know I for sure bring some good qualities to the table. I have a decent job, I live in a house with a room mate that we purchased, i'm independent, I've got a good group of friends and a great personality. Don't want to toot my on horn, but I like to think of myself as pretty funny. I make most people I meet laugh in some way or another, and the coworker I am into is no exception. Lets get to her, I mean that's what i'm here to do after all.Ill try and describer her as best I can, we'll call her Molly. She's a 26(f) single mom with an awesome little dude for a son. The dad is still in the picture as far as a dad goes and from what I can gather from her telling me, hes not a bad dad at all. Maybe a not-so-great guy in general, but a decent dad nonetheless. Physically shes a very short and petite girl, and very in shape. I only mention this because I currently rock a dad bod (not a dad though), and I think this is one reason I debate shooting my shot or not. Our physical differences are pretty, well, different. I'm working to improve myself physically but it's a slow process. Her personality though, is almost identical to mine. We're both very sarcastic people and can easily pick fun at each other and others as well as receive it. Hopefully that's enough about each of us individually for you all to get an idea, if not let me know and I can elaborate further.Now I'll chat about our friendship thus far. We've been friends just about as long as we've worked at the same company, so about 2.5 years. The first time we hung out outside of work, I asked her if she wanted to grab sushi and she said yes. I didn't call it a date out loud but I like to think it was somewhat implied. After the first little bit of the typical awkwardness, we chatted about the usual topics 2 people talk about, what're you into outside of work, favorite music, etc etc. We found out we share a lot in common in that sense, especially music taste (alternative/punk rock). After sushi we started hanging out more frequently, usually every other weekend when she didn't have her son. There was a lull for some time where we didn't but we still talked quite a bit at work over IM. Recently we've picked back up hanging out.Alright, I guess now I'll talk about why I think (and hope) shes into me, strap in because I think this will be where the bulk of my story is. Right off the top of my head, a lot of the times we'll hang out it's because she asks. It's never "oh hey me and some friends are going out, you should come", it's "hey if you're free this weekend we should go downtown for some drinks or do dinner." I may be reading into it way too much, but they always feel kinda like dates. I've got a couple of examples I think may tip the scales one way or the other. On one occasion, she texted me around 8pm asking what I was doing, I told her the usual, hanging out at home watching TV. She asked if I had wanted to hang out and I of course said "yea, what do you have in mind?". Now, previously we had talked about me not knowing how to play many card games (think like poker and Texas hold'em). So she asked if I wanted to come over and play, she'd teach me how to play. Bare in mind this is 8 almost 9pm by the time I get to her place, all to just sit and play cards together. Which is what we did, we played some card game I had never played before and talked about our lives. She and I both hadn't known each other too long at this point but she told me some really deep stuff about her past and I reciprocated. And that was that, I left around 11pm. I for sure thought this was a weird happening but didn't know what to make of it. On another occasion, I picked her up for dinner one night, we went, had a drink or 2, and had a great time. I drove her home of course, parked in front of her apartment for about 5 minutes to chat and she got out. I was driving away and just as I left her apartment gate, got a text saying "you could have come in lol". I'm not one to invite myself in, anywhere. I didn't know how to respond and just said something along the lines of "oh haha I didn't want to invite myself in" and left it at that.Now those are just 2 instances I can think of right off the top of my head but there are a few more small things that lead me to believe this happening may be a possibility. Whenever we're driving somewhere together she always wants to DJ what we listen to so I let her. She'll often play a lot of songs about love, or relationships, or whatnot. I try to just think of it as a random selection but I don't know if it is. Specifically though, she always plays this one song Jon Bellions "All Time Low". If you haven't heard it, give it a listen, its a great song! It's also a somewhat sappy love-type song. We have a little inside joke everywhere we go there's live music where we go "I wonder if the DJ here knows that song." I once recently asked her why she plays that song all the time and she said "I don't know, its a really good song and I only play it around..." and then she trailed off and wouldn't finish her sentence. Now I know, I may be overthinking this totally but I like to think she was going to say "around you." Alright, last little tidbit I'll give you all. There's one thing we do when we go out where we'll pretend to get into a fake little "couple fight" to make other people around us go "wtf?". Nothing ever crazy, just gives us a laugh. Often, a host/hostess will be seating us and say something like "oh you 2 can sit on the same side of the booth if you want." I'll usually blurt out "we're not together" out of just general awkwardness. One or two times I've done this though she's jokingly said "oh i thought this was a date" and laugh it off. There was also a time one of our fake couple fights was something about me not caring for her anymore and she goes "you won't even hold my hand in public!". We just laughed at the strange stares passerby's gave us.Oh!! One more thing, and I promise I'm done! Within the passed month, I noticed she was on Tinder because I'm also on Tinder and saw her profile. Now, you need to note this girl has 0 social media and has sworn she'd never use a dating site because of the horror stories she's heard. So I was definitely surprised when I saw her. I took note of her Tinder bio, and texted her a little snippit of it making fun of her. She cracked up, told me she finally broke and wanted to see what it was about. She also told me she'd probably deleting it soon as well because nasty dudes were being, well, nasty dudes. I told her I totally understand that but if you delete before I get my match notification, I'll take it personally, in a joking manner. She said something along the lines of "oh no, you found my profile, I am for SURE looking for yours." A day later I IMed her at work and let her know I still had not gotten a match notification. She told me she had spent 2 hours the night before swiping left on dudes endlessly looking for me. I told her not to worry about it, I was joking, and I'm sure there are plenty more dudes to go through that women. She shortly deleted later that day after being fed up with the grossness. I, in the mean time however, had matched with someone else on Tinder and brought it up to her. This girl I had matched was pregnant, but that stuff doesn't bother me. Now Molly seemed a lot more interested in this Tinder match than I. She asked me on 2 separate occasions "so how would that work if you guys start seeing each other and she has the kid?". I responded honestly "I don,t mind, Id help with this kid if she wanted me to or just stay out of it that's what she wanted." I talked to Tinder match for about a week and a half, and daily to semi-daily, Molly would ask how she was. I'd say fine, I'm not really vibing with her but ill give her a shot. Luckily I never had to, because she found someone else on Tinder ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. No sweat off my back, but I found it odd Molly asked about her a lot.Alright Reddit, that,s my story. I'll end with this, I really REALLY like this girl, not just your usual run of the mill crush. That's why i'm petrified of coming out and telling her how I feel. Plus, lets say my guts wrong and i'm looking into this all wrong, it would make work pretty damn awkward. Looking back on this as my first post it looks like I wrote a small novel so I get if no one reads this or reads it in full. Typing this all up is kind a of a good way for me to reflect. But id really enjoy some second opinions and advise if you have time. Sorry again for any error or wall of text! If you need any other info just let me know :) thanks! via /r/dating_advice

#dating #dating advice #reddit

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furiousharmonykryptonite-blog1 · 6 years

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