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its-avalon-08 · 3 days

Note

HI! i know you are on brk, so do write this whenever you want, take all the rest you need carlos x norris!sister

age gap of about 3 years

angry lando, secret dating, angst then fluff

im backkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!! im so thankful for all of the adorable messages, thank sm for the support, without you i would not be able to do this! p.s get ready for post spams because your girl had too much ready!!!!

give me a chance (cs55)

✦ pairing - carlos sainz x norris!sister!reader

✦ genre - angst, fluffy ending

The tension in the motorhome kitchen was thicker than the stale coffee Carlos was reheating. You, Lando's younger sister by three years, fiddled with your phone, stealing nervous glances at Carlos. He nursed his mug, a self-conscious hand brushing over the small, purple mark blossoming on his neck. It mirrored the one blooming on yours – a secret souvenir from a stolen kiss in Monaco the previous weekend.

"We should be more careful," you whispered, pushing the stray tendril of hair that kept escaping your ponytail back behind your ear.

"Yeah," Carlos agreed, his voice low. "But seeing you in that dress..." He trailed off, a blush creeping up his neck.

A laugh escaped your lips before you could stop it. The memory of you slipping into the tiny hotel balcony, the twinkling lights of Monte Carlo sprawling beneath you, still sent shivers down your spine. Just as Carlos leaned in for another kiss, the door swung open and Lando burst in, interrupting your stolen moment.

"There you two are! Let's go, debrief's about to start."

Relief washed over you, momentarily eclipsing the disappointment. Keeping your relationship with Carlos a secret had been stressful, but Lando finding out was your worst nightmare. He was fiercely protective of you, the age gap somehow making him feel more like a brother than a sibling. He'd never approve of you dating a teammate, especially someone older.

The following days were a tightrope walk. Stolen glances across the paddock, whispered jokes in between briefs, unsupervised moments – it was exhilarating and terrifying in equal measure.

Then came this morning. Lando had been glued to his phone all breakfast, oblivious to the way your hand instinctively brushed against Carlos's under the table. But just as your fingers intertwined, Lando looked up, his gaze landing right on your neck. His eyes widened, then flickered to Carlos, who was sporting a matching mark.

The silence stretched, thick with dawning realization.

"What the…" Lando finally sputtered, his voice a strangled whisper.

Then, a volcano erupted.

"Y/N! Carlos!" Lando slammed his phone on the table, the clatter echoing off the metal walls. "What is this?!"

"Lando, it's not what—" you began, but he cut you off.

"Don't you dare lie to me!" His voice was laced with a fury you'd never heard before. "You two? Since when?"

Carlos opened his mouth to speak, but Lando wasn't done.

"I can't believe this! You, Carlos? You're supposed to be like family!"

"Lando, please," you pleaded, standing up. "We can explain."

"There's nothing to explain!" He threw his hands up in the air. "This is a disaster! You know I wouldn't have approved!"

"That's exactly why we didn't tell you," Carlos said, his voice surprisingly steady. "We were afraid of this reaction."

"Afraid? You should be ashamed!" Lando glared at both of you. "This is unprofessional. This makes things awkward. This messes with everything!"

And with that, he stormed out of the motorhome, slamming the door behind him with a force that rattled the entire vehicle.

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You looked at Carlos, his expression mirroring your own – a mix of guilt, fear, and a stubborn determination to fight for what you had. You knew this wouldn't be easy, but one thing was clear – the secret was out. And the real race for your relationship had just begun.

The slam of the door echoed through the motorhome like a thunderclap, leaving behind a silence that vibrated with tension. You stared at the empty doorway, tears stinging your eyes. They spilled over unchecked, tracing a warm path down your cheeks.

Carlos reached out a hand, hovering hesitantly in the air before settling on your shoulder. "Y/N," he said softly, his voice laced with concern.

You turned to face him, tears blurring your vision. "What have we done?" you choked out, the question a ragged whisper.

Carlos flinched. "We… we just tried to be happy," he defended, his voice strained.

"But look at what it's done," you sobbed, gesturing towards the doorway. "Lando's furious. This is exactly what we were afraid of."

"We can talk to him," Carlos insisted, his jaw set. "Explain things better."

"Explain what, Carlos?" you snapped, a spark of anger igniting through your despair. "That we broke his trust? That we jeopardized everything for a few stolen moments?"

The anger in your voice seemed to take Carlos aback. He recoiled slightly, the hurt flickering in his eyes a fresh wound.

"That's not fair, Y/N," he said, his voice low. "We both knew the risks. We both wanted this."

"Maybe I shouldn't have," you mumbled, the words tasting like ash in your mouth.

The weight of your words hung heavy in the air. Carlos's eyes widened, a flicker of pain crossing his features. "What do you mean?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper.

"Maybe this whole thing was a mistake," you said, your voice cracking. "Maybe we should have just—"

You couldn't finish the sentence. The regret in your voice, the implication that you wished you'd never let things go this far, ripped through Carlos like a punch to the gut. He felt a lump form in his throat, his own tears threatening to spill.

"Y/N," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "Don't say that."

But you were already shaking your head, tears streaming down your face. "I can't do this anymore, Carlos," you said, your voice breaking. "This is tearing everything apart."

Without another word, Carlos turned and walked away. His broad shoulders slumped, his steps heavy with unspoken hurt. He didn't look back at you, and as the door to his room slammed shut with a dull thud, you sank to the floor, the weight of your words crashing down on you like a tidal wave. You had just broken his heart, and in that moment, you weren't sure if you had broken yours too.

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Regret, a bitter taste on your tongue, pushed you to find Lando. You found him on the balcony, overlooking the bustling racetrack, a world away from the storm brewing inside you. The sight of him, usually your confidant, now felt daunting.

Taking a deep breath, you approached him hesitantly. "Lando," you choked out, hating how shaky your voice sounded.

He turned, surprise flickering across his face before it settled into a guarded expression. "Y/N," he said simply, offering no invitation to sit.

You stood awkwardly, fiddling with your fingers. "Lando, I…" The words stuck in your throat. "I messed up. Big time."

The anger you'd seen in him earlier had morphed into a wary curiosity. He crossed his arms, waiting for you to continue.

Taking another deep breath, you launched into a monologue, your voice trembling. "It started with his eyes, Lando, the way they crinkle when he smiles. And his smile, oh God, his smile makes my heart skip a beat. And then there are his hugs… warm and safe, like a place I can always go home to. And his kisses," you whispered, the memory sending shivers down your spine, "like fireworks, Lando, exploding with a kind of magic I've never felt before."

Tears welled up in your eyes, blurring your vision. "I love him, Lando. I never knew I could love someone like I love Carlos."

As you spoke, a figure appeared in the doorway, frozen in place. It was Carlos, his face a mask of pain, each word a fresh blow to his heart. But he couldn't tear himself away. He needed to hear it all.

You continued, your voice thick with emotion. "I panicked, Lando. I thought this would ruin everything, for you, for the team. But all I see is broken trust and a pain I caused the man I…" Your voice broke, a sob escaping your lips.

Lando watched you silently, his initial anger replaced by a flicker of understanding. He took a slow step towards you, his expression unreadable.

Then, to your surprise, he pulled you into a tight embrace. You buried your face in his shoulder, your tears soaking into his shirt.

"Hey," he murmured, his voice rough with emotion. "It's okay. You love him, I get it."

He pulled back slightly, his eyes searching yours. "Just… promise you'll take care of each other. And promise me you won't keep things from me again."

A choked laugh escaped your lips. "I promise, Lando. I promise everything."

Suddenly, you felt a warm presence behind you. A tear slipped down your cheek as you turned to see Carlos standing there, his eyes red-rimmed, a tear tracing a similar path down his own face.

He didn't say a word. He simply walked towards you and pulled you into his arms, his embrace a silent promise. You buried your face in his chest, tears streaming down as the weight of the last few hours lifted.

Lando stepped back, a small smile playing on his lips. He watched for a moment, his heart heavy but strangely at peace. "Alright, lovebirds," he said, his voice gruff. "Let's not turn this balcony into a waterfall."

You both pulled away slightly, but Carlos kept his arm wrapped around you, his touch a warm anchor. You looked up at him, his eyes glistening.

"Thank you, Lando," Carlos said, his voice thick with emotion.

"Just don't break her heart," Lando warned, a hint of his usual playful banter returning. "She's the only sister I've got."

Carlos nodded solemnly, his gaze fixed on you. "I won't," he vowed, his voice a husky whisper.

And you, nestled in Carlos's embrace, knew that no matter what challenges lay ahead, you wouldn't face them alone. You had love, forgiveness, and a newfound understanding – a foundation strong enough to weather any storm.

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corvidae-00 · 3 days

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Please some jealous (kind of toxic ) joost but with a happy ending 🙏🙏🙏🙏

A/N: **fiddles fingers maliciously** this- I love this- He would so be sorta toxic and totally let his ego get ahead of him- this is gonna be fun to write! I hope you like it!!!!- GN!Reader x Joost :> CW: Toxic mannerisms, Marko is being used as the reason Joost gets worked up- (I love Marko I swear-), swearing, Angry Joost, tinny witty bitty bit of angst, Joost overthinking, smoking. (Let me know if I missed anything!! Word count: 1,747

The after party for eurovisions semi final was packed with the singers and the energy in the room was for sure through the roof. Joost your good friend and his group invited you to come with, Joost wanting to share this moment with you more than anything- the excitement and hype of everyone putting their hearts out there and competing only to come together to talk about how much happened, having you there would make it even better, if that would be even possible.

You agreed to come along, not that you had much choice, the Dutchman having begged and nagged and spammed you until you agreed. Not that you didn't want to come! But you knew you would stand out like a sore thumb, probably hang out by a corner waiting for the delicious food to be available or not so crowded. Looking over your outfit and the time you smile pleased with how you look and wonder slightly if Joost would too. You have had the biggest crush on him since a few months after you got to know him, the feelings having appeared and clung onto you with every ounce of power possible, and honestly? You were fine with that. Smoothing out your clothes you look at the time and decided if you want to make it in time you absolutely had to leave.

Grabbing your bag you left your hotel you had booked for the event and quickly drove over to the Venue like Joost told you it would be, not leaving the Malmo Arena, I guess the hosts didn't want to spend more money renting another place out for the singers, at least it was well know and easy to find. Stepping out of your car you hurry inside showing the security your invite from Joost and entering the main lobby reading your friends text to find the way glaring at the device unsure of what Joost was even trying to explain

"Are you looking for someone?" A strong accented and shy voice came from behind you causing you to turn around and blink a few times at the man in a very midevil looking outfit and gentle eyes holding a cup of what you assumed was water, but could be vodka- maybe he was crazy like that "Sorry- Im Marko.." He quickly introduces himself before continuing "You look extremely lost- Im sorry for spooking you" He says with a genuine tone leading to a smile pulling its way onto your lips. After introducing yourself you look back down at your texts "Im actually here for the after party? my friend- one of the performers invited me and he is quite the character when it comes to instructions..." You rub the back of your neck trying to explain the situation to the stranger who was just as bashful as you "Oh! I was just heading back! I'm not very talkative so I got some air but I can take you to the area they have for us" He offers running his hand through his hair that is surprisingly still in good shape like he had maybe applied hairspray not too long ago "Oh would you??" You put away your phone letting Marko nod and wave his hand indicating you to follow

"So who is your- eh- friend?" Marko looks over at you trying to make small talk. "Oh! His names Joost, he is representing the Netherlands." You explain and Marko's face brightens a little "Oh yes! I enjoy his company!" Marko nods with a smile "Makes sense you two are friends! it seems he can befriend almost everyone" He explains putting a finger to his jaw in what seems to be thought "Do you like cats?" Marko questions as you two get closer to the room, music can be heard from inside. nothing too crazy or club like but maybe just background ambiance "Oh yeah! They are so cute! I don't have any of my own but I like visiting my friends kitty's" You smile watching Marko excitedly pull out his phone "Oh let me show you mine!" He says as you two enter the room Marko going through his camera roll leaning into you to get closer so you can see better

Joost Turns to look at the door, hearing the squeak of the hinges that whines under the weight of it being even cracked open and furrows his brows seeing you walk in with Marko...What was he doing out there? Realizing he must have left the party Joost grows even more confused as to why you two were together- wasn't his directions perfectly understandable? His large blue coat long since shedded, Joost rolls up the sleeves of his white button up and crosses his arms leaning on a table watching the two of you interact. 'he is very close to you' he thinks to himself, a sour taste in his mouth watching you laugh at something he had said 'why is he, the shyer one of the bunch all buddy buddy with you? I mean you always have been so approachable- but that's not fair.' Joost clicks his tongue growing more and more impatient 'what if you are leaving me for him? what if you even forget who invited you here?' Joost can feel his patience thinning and the party getting quieter the more he focuses in on you two. Marko with a big grin on his face and you laughing at a photo he had shown you.

"Hey there you are!" Joost doesn't even recall when he had took strides over- or when he was so close to you he could feel the warm body heat emitting off of you "Marko! How nice of you to find my nieuwsgierig hertje". he purrs looking down at the man who is staring up at him "Oh uh-" Marko looks over at you and then slowly puts his phone away and wraps both hands around his drink "Yeah no issues" Marko nods. "No issues." Joost repeats grinding his molars together forcing a grin. he had never any issues with the Croatian- until he was basically in your arms "Bye-" Marko waves at you with a small smile wanting to escape the current situation and looking at Joost before entering the party again "Joost- You spooked him away" You sigh wrapping your arm around your friend leaning into him and Joost can feel his mind calming "He was too close to you" Joost huffs taking his glasses out of his chest pocket putting them on and pushing them up his nose

"He was showing me his cats-" You raise a brow and Joost looks down at you "that close? I think he just wanted to be up on you" Joost rubs his arms and looks away with annoyance lacing his voice "Whats got you in a mood?" you tug on his shirt and Joost grumbles "Nothing." He reply's and you frown "Nothing my ass, what's wrong" You stand your ground not expecting the tall blonde to drag you out into the hall not caring about his grand exit.

"Nothing is wrong." He snaps once you both get out into the hall "You were all emojis and smiles before you saw me walk in with Marko! he was very sweet." you huff and Joost crosses his arms "Sweet huh? sounds like you have a crush." He fixes his glasses that are slipping off his nose "I just met him Joost, what's up with you?" you frown walking towards him "This is a new side of you" You observe and Joost shakes his head "Im always like this okay?" he throws his hands up and you shake your head

"What- is wrong." you demand and Joost glares "Maybe I don't want to see someone I think highly of with some other guy." He says sarcastically "Highly of?" You push and Joost shakes his head "What are you talking about." You reach for him and Joost grabs your wrist, not hard- you could actually pull away if you wanted too "Someone I have wanted as mine forever, walks in with a guy who clearly was hanging off your every word." Joost pushes through his teeth.

you both stand there still as a wall and Joost observes your face, his pupils scanning you over and avoiding eye contact " you- want me?" You repeat and Joost sighs "onoplettend" he mutters and you shake your head "You cant use your mother tongue to get out of this Joost-" you say and take a shaky breath "Do you like me? like- like like-" You mutter and Joost swallows hard "Ja." He responds and you can feel your face grow hot "Really?" you mutter and Joost drops your wrist "Really. and it really- shook me I guess seeing you come in with him.." Joost grumbles and you shake your head "Your directions were ass" You laugh a little upon noticing Joost's offended face "They were eligible-" He defends and you sigh "I- feel the same- I have for such a long time-" You admit with a small smile "I never thought it was possible-" You shrug and Joost blinks at you like you are speaking in a whole other language

"Not possible-??" he repeats in pure shock "You are the most funniest, smartest, good looking, talented, and so much more of a person that I have ever met." Joost says his eyes going soft and you cant help the silence that comes after your brain still playing catch up with the new information "I wanted to tell you properly- a way you would see me as the same ways I see you..." He rubs his forearms nervously tracing his scattered tattoos. "but I guess-" He smiles "This might do?" he chuckles and you rub your mouth slightly with your hand "It does more than might do- I'm so happy-" You mutter and close your eyes taking a deep breath before walking towards him and embracing him in a big bear hug "You don't know how happy I am that you feel the same way" Joost says exasperated "Next time just tell me you goof than getting all jealous" You tease and Joost shakes his head "I was NOT jealous lets get that straight right now" He states playfully "Okay Mr.Not jealous" You chuckle as Joost wraps his arms around you "how does dinner sound tomorrow night-" He smiles and you nod slightly into his chest "consider it a date." you hum

Dutch translation: Curious deer: "nieuwsgierig hertje". Yes: Ja Oblivious: onoplettend A/N: heheheh I'm just cranking these out!!! I hope you liked it Anon and I hope it was what you were wanting! if not feel free to request again and I'm more than happy to keep writing!!! Thank you all for the love and the requests and everything! it makes my day seeing how many of you like my stuff....thank you! i love you all!!!!!

#x reader #joost klein x reader #joost klein #joost klein x you #joost klein fanfic #joostice #joost x reader

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a-dauntless-daffodil · 2 days

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ppl please. You are making Vaggie stupider than she is in canon

"Why didn't Vaggie know angel weapons could kill angels, when Lute used one to permanently gouge out her eye-"

Because Lute also ripped off her wings, seemingly permanently, WITHOUT using a weapon.

It makes sense that Vaggie would figure only other ANGELS can HURT angels. And that's still not the same as KILLING ONE.

You can say "well if she was scarred then by it then she should've assumed a real attack could have killed her" but why? In hell, Sinners can be TORN APART and pull themselves back together. Why wouldn't Vaggie assume that she can take damage up to a point but still not die? Or that she would just reform again afterwards?

"It was a writing mistake to have Vaggie not confess her past to Charlie before they went to heaven, no believable character would do that-"

It was a character flaw, one many other characters in the show have, and it is very true to life that longer you keep a secret about yourself- especially one you're afraid people will hate you for- the harder it is to admit to it.

We know she feels like her only point in existing is to help Charlie. She said it. And later it ties in perfectly with her backstory of losing everything about herself and being found by Charlie, of rejecting her life killing Sinners and devoting herself to supporting the dream of saving them instead.

We also know the last time she "failed" people in her life she was hurt and abandoned by them. We know her FIRST plan was to NOT go to heaven with Charlie, to try and make some kind of excuse.

But then she couldn't come up with a good excuse. And she couldn't bring herself to say no to her supportive and loving girlfriend. And then they were in heaven, facing a COURT HEARING to decide the fate of SOULS, that her girlfriend would have to argue a case for-

Does that really sound like the best time to drop an emotional relationship truth bomb?

Sound. Not "was". Would it have FELT LIKE a good time to come clean to Charlie about being a former Exorcist.

HOW would it have FELT like a good time for that to Vaggie? Especially after Adam and Lute got through telling her how being scarred and crippled by them was her fault, being left down in hell by them was her fault, and her girlfriend will ALSO hate her if the truth comes out?

THIS IS A SHOW. ABOUT PEOPLE. WHO MAKE CRAPPY SELF-SABOTAGING CHOICES (look at Angel Dust) AND THEN HAVE TO DECIDE WHAT TO DO WITH THE FALL OUT OF THaT

THATS THE SHOW

THATS. THE POINT OF THE HAZBIN HOTEL

it's not "bad writing" when a WOMAN does it TOO without an essay explaining her every thought leading up to it!

like im sorry her scenes were rushed, im sorry they had worse animation and story boarding and pacing than the guys' moments get, im sorry she didn't get more focus, im sorry she isn't a fav character of the show creators-

but she IS well written. tbh all of the characters in the show are.

they do things that makes sense based on what they've been through, and what they feel, and what they want, and that's. that's good character writing.

i don't LIKE a lot of the characters but they're still WELL WRITTEN

I HAVE QUESTIONS ABOUT VAGGIE- BUT ONLY BECAUSE IM OBESSEED WITH HER AND WANT TO CRAWL INSIDE HER SKULL! SHE IS, IN THE SHOW, A PERFECTLY BELIEVABLE CHARACTER

bad writing would have been- her getting angry at Charlie for being upset about the secret! it would've been her CAVING to Adam's blackmail and arguing against Angel Dust to save herself! It would've been her moping on the top of the hotel while Charlie was angry with her instead of actively doing what she could to help, like she did!

i've lived through SO MANY badly written characters DO NOT try telling me VAGGIE is one of them- i remember the horrors. THIS is not THAT

......anyway

im probably gonna regret posting this aren't i

#hazbin hotel #vaggie

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fuck-i-love-october · 2 days

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bro im not joking but i genuinely believe that youre the only one eho gets james like i do.

i feel as tho alot of people relate to regulus alot which makes them have james always apologise, always be there.

ive legit gotten hate even from "friends" for insinuating that reg is wrong in a fic and should apologise to james

yes, they're probably one of the most healthy fanon relationships but james is someone who will give give give but he also has a desire to take.

however regulus is someone who will take and take but has a desire to give and not unlike james, just doesnt know how.

there will always come a drop, a breaking point where james will have given too much and he'll be afraid to admit it.

also my bro, my pookie, my loml, james potter was and is insecure and needed reassurance too.

also james definitely lost his mind when feg called him beautiful for the first time

i think i may have forgotten to make my point but its 2 hours last my bedtime and im in desperate need of sleep

Teehee omg Aiden you're amazing.

I so so agree with this. James has a breaking point too, no matter how stoic he can portray himself to be. Regulus stans can deny and deny and deny but theres no way to avoid the fact that he just wasnt very good at being there for those he loved.

James needed reassurance that he hardly got, and regulus sopped up so much reassurance from james because of all of it he lacked in childhood. So for a longgg time it was just a fountain to a desert until the desert reached fruition and the fountain had long since ran dry, you know? And I think that change, unfortunately, did not come until James broke down completely. Until he derailed and just stopped getting out of bed. Until he pushed and pushed and pushed and his light fizzled out.

Regulus isn't bad. Of course not. But he's confused. And he's unfamiliar. And when Sirius is yelling at Regulus when he finds his best friend in a ball on their dormitory floor, speechless and dull, when sirius is proclaiming through angry tears that "You Promised, reg. You promised, that when he became yours I could trust you." Even if Sirius was too messy and panicked to remember that he had asked that of James, never Regulus at all. He had asked James to take care of his little brother, james to be thee by Regulus' side. He had been so worried, so fucked, that he never figured James to have needed that same promise.

No one asks a deer if it wants to be killed, even if its by the barrel of gun or a truck on the highway

But a snake, oh, a snake bites. And still it is kept as a pet, fed its pray through the hands of an ambitious child.

And blah blah blah I could write so much more but I wont, you get the point.

#marauders #james potter #peter pettigrew #remus lupin #regulus black #sirius black #marauders era #james fleamont potter #jegulus #the outsiders

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violetueur-archive · 2 years

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A gift for @detonizing A companion piece to THIS Paired with MUSIC for added effect

It’s only after she’s in the room alone with him, that the tears finally come. The moment the door clicks shut her features twists, expression so pinched tight that it makes the muscles in her face ache, a headache blooming behind her forehead as the sheer force of agony finally hits her. It must be ugly. Enough that he’d make fun of her if he could see it. Feet refuse to cooperate, planted firmly just passed the threshold, as her gaze finds the bed. Small and clinical, lined with cream colored sheets. They are alone now, in this room that cannot decide what to be. Soft blue paint and landscape paintings line the walls in an attempt to be comforting that merely comes off impersonal. He lays on a mattress now, instead of the dirt. Nicolette only knows she’s crying by the way her vision swims, eyes burning like they’ve been rubbed with salt. She feels it on her cheeks, tastes it in the corners of her lips, yet the room remains eerily silent, as if filled with more than one corpse. Maybe in a way, it is.

This is where she’s come to die.

Even if her body will walk out of here fully alive, something inside her has already been broken beyond repair. The ever-present void in her heart has become a blackhole, pulling everything within. What use does she have for a useless instrument such as this? It has done her no favors— this much has been made clear, from the way it tears a hole through her very chest, as if desperate to get out... seeking the thing that helped it work again, after being broken once before. But that thing is gone, and so she supposes this must be a funeral, as well as a goodbye. Hers, before his. She will leave it here, with him, where it belongs. A living corpse has no need for a heart, for a soul, for anything at all, but cold emptiness.

She moves without meaning to, and before she knows it her legs have carried her to the bedside. Both eyes stare down at his still form, refusing to go anywhere else even though she cannot bear to look at him. He seems peaceful, as if asleep, face wiped clean and features relaxed, but she knows the proof of his condition lies just beneath the blanket. It’s too soon for the damage to be hidden— they have not yet taken his body and dressed him in his finest suit, nor brushed his skin to look warm and alive. He looks peaceful, but also cold. He does not look anything else, but dead. This will be the image that haunts her forever, she thinks. She will never forget it.

The absence of life, or the feeling of his blood on her hands ( her arms, her chest, her face, her mouth— ).

When scarred fingers reach out to touch, his flesh is cool and solid. It’s what she expected, and yet it adds a new weight, like a punch to the gut that knocks all the air from her lungs. He doesn’t even feel human, anymore. It’s too soon. To fast. It’s all happening too quickly, and she can’t keep up. He feels so far away, even though he’s only right in front of her, though... she supposes in reality, he’s already somewhere she cannot reach. Her arms find their away around him anyway and she leans down over the bed, trying her best not to disturb his body as both arms wrap around his shoulders. Her forehead rests against his temple and for a moment it’s like she’s in that field again, holding him close. Like she’s the only thing keeping him from collapsing into nothing— a pillar he can lean on for support that will never forsake him. Never fail him. But she did. And this was the price she paid for it.

Both arms tremble as they hug him closer, and Nicolette stills as it presses their chests together, forcing out air from his lungs. It leaves his mouth like an exhale, right next to her ear. She knows it means nothing. That it’s just a natural reaction. But the sound fills the empty space, and it tears her asunder. She does it again. And again. And then once more, pulling away slightly before hugging him tightly, repeating. It’s like he’s breathing, there beneath her. It feels wrong, a little twisted even, enough to make her sick with guilt. The hero knows she’s pathetic, for clinging to that facsimile sound of life, but she clings all the same until the tears have long started to dry upon her cheeks.

With eyes closed, it’s like she can pretend that none of this is real. It’s easy to ignore what’s right there in front of you, as long as you cannot see it. Bloodletter knows this best of all, because that has always been the quickest solution to her problems. She does not look directly at the things that hurt, for there has always been many and it has always been too much. There has never been anywhere for that pain to go but inward, pushed deep and sealed tight so that it might remain there forever. Compartmentalizing was an early developed skill, refined and perfected since the beginning of a torturous youth— it might’ve been the only thing that got her through it, the only reason she was still here. Right now... Nicolette almost wishes it hadn’t. Suddenly the trauma of that past that once seemed so unbearably large and soul-crushing is nothing compared to the feeling that sits within her chest, now. It is collapsing her lungs, rotting her from the inside out, and she knows without a shadow of doubt as she cradles this body in her arms:

❛ This is the thing that will destroys me. ❜

It is not a defeat on the battlefield or a death at the hands of a villain. It is a vicious and brutal hallowing of her very being. To have her insides carved away, leaving nothing but vacant space in its wake. Who would’ve thought that emptiness could be the thing that finally killed her? The thing that hurt her, most of all. No physical wound could bleed like this. No phantom pain of a scar could ache so deep. She had always known that life was unfair; being a child orphaned through untimely death and living through what felt like a punishment for surviving, she had learned it young. The world was cruel and bleak. Not even a society of heroes could change that. All they did was hide the ugliness beneath a thin sheet of hope— that if the Gods above would not heed the prayers of mortals, the ones blessed with power could be worshipped in their place.

She has never once believed in such foolish things, yet she finds herself begging, anyway. Hunched over the bed and clinging to a corpse, the hero pleads to Gods that will not listen and heroes that are only human, for a miracle. Her silent mourning has been given a voice once again as desperate wailing fills the room, a perfect mimicry of the moment she’d caught his bleeding body in her arms and felt the world collapse around her, echoing with the screaming of a banshee. How his parting words haunted her even now— an apology towards the final person to ever betray him through failure. One last joke, a sadistic mockery pointing out just how tragically incompetent she truly was. Incapable of saving herself, so he’d gone it down it for her, time and time again.

Perhaps it had been pure selfishness that pushed her to latch onto him, in the beginning. Like a mother bird imprinting on a child that was not her own. She had seen herself in Katsuki, and it was a reflection she hated to see, yet could not look away from. Despite being a hero, Nicolette had never quite wanted to save anyone the way she had wanted to save him. He was so deserving of it, but the world was unfair to him, as it had been unfair to her. It should be her body laying here. It should be her story coming to a close. There isn’t a single fucking thing she can offer to anyone else, anymore. ❝ Please... please, I can’t— ❞ It’s nothing but a broken sob, ❝ I can’t do this... I’m not good like him. I’m not strong... I’m not— ❞ I’m not enough. I have never been enough. ❝ I’m sorry... I’m sorry— please don't do this to me, please-- !! ❞ But it has already been done.

It’s over.

Muffled voices can be heard from the hallway, and Nicolette knows that her time is up. She is not so selfish as to remain here while others wait in queue to mourn. It’s fine, anyway. She has nothing left to give. This is the second and last time that Nicolette will ever let him go, and it is not by pitying hands that forcefully tear him from her desperately clinging arms. This time, when she lets him go, it with a mechanical slowness that speaks not of acceptance, but meaningless defeat. Her expression falls to cold apathy as her gaze lingers on his face for a final moment. When she leaves the room, a sound like shattering glass is the last thing she hears. And then, she is gone.

Bakugou Katsuki is dead. What else is there to say?

#detonizing #i don't even really know what to say #im so angry at you for writing that still #reading your thing and writing this brought forth so much grief-related trauma #i think im more mentally ill after this but it was cathartic too #some acts/experiences and a lot of the feelings in this are from personal experiences #ah man.... this is bummer city fr #grief tw//#death tw//#↳ BONDS ; KATSUKI BAKUGOU || detonizing ❛ the struggle you are up against makes you what you are ❜#long post #↳ VERSE ; BNHA: HERO || ❛ we gladiate / but we’re really fighting ourselves ❜

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topaziraphale · 8 months

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"Stop saying Crowley won't help Aziraphale in S3 he'd go back to him in a HEARTBEAT and nothing would stop him" I get it no one likes the idea of Crowley being bitter after what happened for a long period of time but like can we at least acknowledge that he's currently going through probably the most emotional pain in his life since falling? Can we agree that he's opened his heart entirely - something you couldn't pay him to do unless the world is literally ending and he's desperate - to Aziraphale, and got shot down? Can we understand that he did it AGAIN only to lose Aziraphale again? Not that what Aziraphale did isn't without Crowley's own shortcomings (hiding the truth of Heaven's cruelty from him) but like,,,,

The appeal here isn't Scorned Crowley Doesn't Love Aziraphale Anymore, or Never Wants To Help Him Again, the appeal here is Crowley learning enough self respect to not just walk back right to Aziraphale like nothing happened after Aziraphale has had a pattern of consistently refusing him. Going years ping-ponging between "We're not friends I don't even know him" to "That's what friends are for right?" and "We're friends, why would you even say anything?" and "Friends? We're not friends. We are an angel and a demon!"

Like I get it, Crowley is a heartbreakingly forgiving person. Of course he's gonna forgive Aziraphale, I'll be surprised if he didn't forgive him by the time he walked out the bookshop door, but gdi he could at least grant himself the luxury of being at least a little irritated for longer than however long it takes to make a globe and some books float and angrily cry out to God in his flat. But due to the change of pace and dynamic that is establishing part of the conflict for Season 3, I just really like the idea of him for ONCE prioritizing himself and being like "Okay, fine. We'll get back at it when you're ready, then," instead of just taking Aziraphale back like his words and actions meant nothing to him, when clearly they have an effect on him.

What is Aziraphale going to learn if Crowley just accepts what he did so quickly, like he always has the entire time they've been friends? Idk maybe I'm just projecting too much darkness on their dynamic but I mean, if the pattern of Aziraphale pushing Crowley away/disrespecting him one day and then being fine with his friendship the next + Crowley never stopping to be like "Hey, that's not cool, at least give me a little credit" or smth was fine all along and will continue to be fine in the future, then why, after 6,000 years of being friends and loving this demon, can Aziraphale still not accept that Crowley is just fine the way he is, and instead got excited to promote him to an angel in a heartbeat once the opportunity presented itself? You can't blame all of it on Heaven when Aziraphale has demonstrated his free will/defiance to Heaven so many times. Or, I don't know, I guess maybe we can? Maybe I'm just craving too much angst to the point where I'm letting it cloud my analysis of canon. Idk.

#derpy speaks #good omens #good omens 2 #no i dont think crowley is gonna ever hate aziraphale for what happened but he's allowed to be angry #he's allowed to be done with it all. he's allowed to be exhausted. just look at his face when he drives away.#meh. idk. but i dont know how i'll feel if crowley just INSTANTLY accepts aziraphale back in a situation involving #idk - ''hey help me stop the new apocalypse''#at least. without like. SOME pushback? it can even be something small like ''are you SURE you want ME to help you? do you really need me?''#doesnt have to be a straight refusal but i'd like SOME kind of action to show that crowley is putting his foot down for once #he deserves that self respect #do NOT reply saying that im insinuating that aziraphale is actively malicious or doing it on purpose.#everything he has done up until now is his own complicated response to all the trauma and guilt he's been through #but despite that crowley is STILL allowed to be upset... it's messy. i can write a whole paper about how this whole thing #is just unfortunate on both ends. again. we didnt get queerbaited we got communication baited 😭#but help me out here. am i just too fandom-brained to have these expectations from the story?#is there something obvious im missing that is making me sound like a complete asshole here? do i need to get my head out of the gutter?#someone please explain it to me if so because whatever it is‚ i can't find it #not queued

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martyrbat · 6 months

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a female character isn't allowed to be a character that is also female. she isn't allowed her own agency and complex motives nor any deeper emotions without it being centered around the male cast around her or a child. even if she's not a mother, she remains one because she could always potentially become a mother or she is the ‘mom character’ to the men/children around her and her actions MUST reflect that. if they don't, she's labeled a selfish bitch. if she is an (actual) mother than that's all she is—she isnt allowed deeper characterization or discussion because thats all she'll ever be, that's all she was made to be. male characters are allowed to be fathers (lireral or in the sense of providing for the people around them) with deeper feelings but a mother? never a mother.

#← this is found in both fandom treatment and (oftenly) the writing of the source material too #anyways this related to last post and the one before that where i said i wrote tags that are just too sidetracked to the post lol #ransom note #cant wait for people to ummm actually me about good female characters while fully ignoring the point of this #like no shit its a broad statement dipshit its used to open discussion about female characters often being reduced down #to only having purpose in their ability to be a caretaker to the surrounding cast around them.#like the problem isnt that theres mom characters. it isnt women taking care of people or being healers #its that theyre not allowed the same emotional depth compared to many male characters #something i liked in atla if i recall correctly is that katara wasnt a passive character. she cared and cared deeply and messily #she chose forgiveness to her mother's killer for HER story and growth. not because she had to for his #she stole shit and got jealous and was angry but she was still caring and healed. she still looked after people.#instead of just. oh shes there to be a 24/7 doormat to the male cast around her and their goals instead #and the FANDOM is the one that reduces her down to a bitch or just immature or an emotional support lamp #or whatever they do to reduce her down usually so they can prop up the male characters they like more.#like do you see where im going with this. do you get the point of the post...

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cloudcountry · 6 months

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CONGRATS AUBURN!!! everyone is going through such an amazing milestone; so happy for you all! remember to take breaks in between, okay?? don't push yourself too hard <3

may i request rook hunt x my oc, siren? there's not much known about her, since she's not released yet, but she's a siren (ik im so good lmao) and really calm. she's the quiet to rook's behavior, yet she is sometimes really really like azul.

can this take place after rook's first date with her? the date can be totally up to you, i know you'll make it amazing as always!!!

<3 siren

my dearly beloved, i hope you enjoyed our outing.

you’re quite a dangerous one, getting me to talk of things i wouldn’t normally talk about. perhaps its that supernatural allure to yours, lovely siren of mine.

your song is made up of more than the love notes meant to lure sailors to their deaths. it’s made up of more than superficial longing and worldly pleasures. what i heard in your voice can only be described by the greatest of poets, but i am just a humble admirer of your beauty.

i heard flowers and sweet pastries in your song. i heard sunlit days and pounding heart beats and gentle kisses. i felt the wind and waves of the world around us in your song, made up of all things lovely and divine.

you are an ethereal experience.

i implore you to write back and tell me how you believe the date went. for i am desperate to hear your voice and see you again.

after the first outing with you, i doubt i will be able to ever let you go.

your most loyal servant,

rook hunt.

#im not doing ocs that arent my mutuals for this event btw #and even then i think this is the only oc request i'll accept #because the last time i did ocs the people whose ocs i wrote for didnt . Reblog.#i also saw that with your event siren. and it made me SO LIVID #I SAW YOUR STUFF GETTING ZERO NOTES AND I HAD TO RESIST THE URGE TO SCREAM ABOUT IT EVERY TIME I REBLOGGED YOUR WORK #like someone is writing something PERSONALIZED FOR YOU and you cant even APPRECIATE IT.#GAH some of you are . so frustrating.#im sorry ren youre an angel for putting up with that...i would not have. im still so fucking angry thinking about it.#siren <3 #auburn's 2.5k event <3 #twisted wonderland #twst #disney twisted wonderland #rook hunt #disney twst #twst wonderland #rook hunt x oc #twst x oc #disney twst x oc #disney twisted wonderland x oc #twisted wonderland x oc

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