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ynbabe · 2 months

Text

We don’t hate each other ୨୧ Arthur x fem! reader

Y/n was Ollie's oldest friend, growing up with him as he raced his way up to formula one, somewhere in between she found Arthur Leclerc, found him a massive fucking pain in the ass that is until something changes when Ollie debuts in Carlos Sainz Ferrari.

A always, comments and requests are always welcome! lemme know what y'all think of this!

Warnings: curses, lime

y/nl/n

y/nl/n GET THIS MAN IN A FERRARI ASAP 💪 💪 💪 😮‍💨

Username they're relationship is so important to me actually

username arent they just friends?? username girl you believe that? LOOK AT THEM THEY'RE LITERALLY MARRIED username theyre 18 go touch grass pls 😭

username GET THAT MAN IN A FERRARI!!!

Username shes so real for that bow, ollies so cute 🥹

olliebearman thank you for the very serious pictures of me, a very serious, very profession man

y/nl/n "very serious, very professional man"🤓 shut up you literally cried in my arms when you got called olliebearman i'm telling my pr officer to block you username did what in whose arms now?? username oooh so hes in love love

arthurleclerc Way to go Ols!

y/nl/n gtfo my post arthurleclerc gtfo off my fyp y/nl/n block me bitch arthurleclerc too much effort, cry olliebearman guys you're in public 😭

username whats with Arthur and Y/N? 😅

Username they're competing for Ollies love Username bro you wrong for that 😂

arthurleclerc

arthurleclerc to MY bestfriend, congratulations on making it to Ferrari and f1! You deserve the best! Hope my brother treated you well.

username SHOTS!! HAVE!! BEEN!! FIRED!!

Username he know he wrong for that first photo

Username okay wait. How do both Leclerc have a Wattpad ass gay romance is it genetic??

Username bro all capped the my 😭

username mans petty as hell

username @/y/nl/n me personally, I wouldn't take that

username hes stealing your man girl go get him!!

oliiebearman Thank you Arthur! Yes he did!

arthurleclerc ur welcome ols ❤️ username @/y/nl/n were waiting for you boo username its the red heart for me Username Charles come get your brother!!! he's cosplaying you and max on main again

y/nl/n Congrats Ollie!! love you 🥰 (Not gonna make this abt myself like some other girls)

arthurleclerc revoking ur paddock pass btw 🥰 Olliebearman ... I'm blocking you both 🥰

username mans done with them 😂

You rolled your eyes as you saw Arthur's comment on yours, how could he be so childish. Forget it, you reminded yourself, today is for Ollie and Ollie only.

You waited in Ollie's driver room till he was done with the debrief, you'd go out to celebrate with him and his family later. His trainer had given him a pass on the diet, after all, scoring points in F1 was no joke.

You jumped off the chair you were lounging in, ready to hug the man as you heard the door open but to your disappointment, it was only Arthur.

You groaned as you saw the boy and he scowled in return. You never knew how your rivalry began. One moment you were visiting Ollie for the first time at Prema and the next you were in a screaming match with a Monagasuque man with the cutest accent.

"What are you doing?" He asked, rather, demanded.

"Waiting for my friend," you replied with the same annoyance in your voice, "What are you doing here?" you accused, stepping towards him.

He pulled a face, closing the gap, "Here to support my friend, you know cause we can actually stand each other,"

"Hah, sure, at least I'm not jealous of my friends, you know cause they actually make it into f1," you shrugged, knowing it was a low blow.

His face morphed into anger as he pushed closer towards you, "You need to shut up," he spoke in a low voice, you'd be scared of the taller, much stronger boy if you weren't doused in anger yourself.

"Make me then," why did you say that- Oh shit.

Your eyes widened as he kissed you, making both of you stumble back and fall on Ollie's driver room bed. You groaned as your back hit the mattress, the older boy breaking the kiss, looking down at you in concern.

"O-oh, my god! Y/n I'm so sorry, I don't know wh-" he began rambling but you couldn't let him win, could you? So you kissed him back, letting your hands run through his hair.

He led one hand to your waist, letting it fall under your shirt, he hissed at the warmth your skin radiated under his palms.

"Oh my god, OH MY GOD," Someone yelled, making Arthur push off the bed, and fall on the floor.

"Ollie this isn't what it looks like," he explained from the floor making you frown.

"It isn't?" you asked making him turn to you.

"No, it is," he explained to you, then turned to shocked Ollie in the doorway, "I mean- it is," he tried to explain.

Ollie paused for a moment, "On my bed, really?" he replied, disgust in his voice.

You picked up the pillow on his now messed up bed, throwing it at his head, "Shut up,"

He laughed as he ducked, "Hey, at least none of us had to intervene," he confessed making you and the boy who was now getting up off the floor groan in defeat.

olliebearman

olliebearman never make out in my room again, I beg you

Y/nl/n sorry I stole your boyfriend, Ols

arthurleclerc you are still the love of my life, y/n's just a friend olliebearman DO NOT START THIS AGAIN

Username HUH?

username chat is this real rn? username fr thought they hated each other username bro said he was going to get his Wattpad enemies to lovers one way or the other

username Charles Leclerc it's your turn now.

charlesleclerc So all the ranting actually led to something?

y/nl/n he talks about me?? arthurleclerc NO I DIDN'T! Charles shut up or I'll tag someone you rant about. Charleslecler y/n changed you i dont like this relationship anymore username WHAT DO YOU MEAN??? Username First we get Arthur x y/n and now we are getting Charles read like filth 😭

trying something new, thoughts?

#f1 #formula 1 #f1 x reader #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #arthur leclerc #arthur leclerc x reader #ollie bearman #ollie bearman x reader #charles leclerc #arthur leclerc imagine #f1 smau #f1 social media au

972 notes · View notes

pinkgy · 3 months

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okay, ignore the previous ask, i can't be more blind and stupid (💀).

so, if it isn't a bother, may you write some headcanons about the kings (satan, mammon, beelzebub and leviathan) with a reader who's slightly chubby and dislikes their (reader's) body.

thanks in advance, dear.

–☕ (wishing to end myself after this one.)

Hi ! Thank you so much for your request and congratulations for being the first request that is not about sex lol I needed a break.

Here it is! I loved writing this request and I hope you like it ♡

It's a bit OOC in some parts (Leviathan), but in my defense, it's not easy to write fluff about them.

Also, I'm sorry if I didn't focus much on the body type part, I'm not a great fan of specifying the reader's body type, race, and sometimes even height, but it's okay! I tried my best.

Also, this is my contribution to the soft and sweet Mammon HC.

𝗪𝗛𝗕

𝗞𝗜𝗡𝗚𝗦

"𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗦𝗘𝗟𝗙 𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘 𝗜 𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘 𝗬𝗢𝗨"

♡

𝗦𝗔𝗧𝗔𝗡

✮ He’s in denial, Satan has you on a pedestal and he genuinely cannot believe that you think this way about yourself, simply because it’s a completely different opinion than the one he has of you.

✮ If you dare to mention any discomfort with your appearance in front of him, he will laugh in your face telling you to stop joking about such things, and when you look at him completely serious he might realize that he was wrong.

✮ Satan genuinely doesn't have any specific body preference, in his eyes you’re perfect, all he cares about is that you’re healthy both physically and mentally.

✮ Once he fully realizes, you won't EVER hear him joking about it, and if someone else dared to they’re dead within seconds. The same goes for you "jokingly" mistreating yourself, that's the biggest offense for him and the lecture your life awaits you.

✮ This situation would become a priority for satan, he's capable of leaving aside all his work just to do the impossible to make you feel better about yourself.

✮ He gets very frustrated every time you talk negatively about yourself, and he feels sad every time he notices that you feel insecure about your body, Satan somehow puts himself in your shoes, and that makes him take everything too seriously.

“Stop looking at yourself like that, I know what you're thinking and I don't like it” He hugs you from behind "Let's talk, you're too pretty to be thinking those things"

𝗕𝗘𝗘𝗟𝗭𝗘𝗕𝗨𝗕

✮ He might believe that you’re joking if you tell him, and he also might jokingly tell you something like “Yeah, I don’t like your body either” Clearly no offense intended, he would genuinely think that you’re not being serious.

✮ Beelzebub won’t realize that his “Harmless comment” made you feel bad unless someone else tells him that he screwed up, probably many days later he will approach you and actually apologize.

✮ Don’t expect any elaborate apologies from him, he will tell you what is necessary. But after he has taken a long time trying to remember everything you said to him that day, he will subtly start looking for ways to make you feel better about yourself.

✮ Believe me, Beelzebub is going to make sure you hear every chance he gets about how perfect you are, and in case he forgets to tell you, Bael is under strict orders to remind him.

✮ He’s really supportive but he sucks at showing it, his main goal is to distract you from your insecurity by at the same time trying to not distract himself, and somehow, it works.

"And who said that being yourself is not okay? As long as that beautiful body of yours is well-fed and healthy, you are the hottest person out there"

𝗠𝗔𝗠𝗠𝗢𝗡

✮ He would get offended, but like, really offended, the moment he notices or when you tell him about it he acts like those Latina grandmas when their grandchild tells them they're gay,

literally him.

✮ He's never seen anyone more ethereal than you, how do you even dare to dislike yourself?

✮ He genuinely doesn’t care about your body type, your weight, etc, as long as you’re healthy he’s going to love every part of you.

✮ He’s an amazing listener, Mammon will encourage you to vent to him while he slowly caresses your hair, and every time you say something he’s not okay with, he kisses your forehead.

✮ He wouldn't think you're joking, the opposite, Mammon would take this really seriously, but like, too seriously, to the point where you’re not getting out of Tartaros without loving your body as much as he loves it, and believe me, that’s a lot.

“How can you hate such a beautiful body like yours? Every inch of you is perfect and just looking at you feels like a privilege, so don't overthink too much please”

𝗟𝗘𝗩𝗜𝗔𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗡

✮ Leviathan will genuinely get mad at you, if he finds out, he will ignore you, and if you tell him, he will leave and ignore you too, but it’s temporary, he will get over it in a few days.

✮ He kind of sucks at comforting people, but he can and will try his best with you, just don’t expect much from him, and know that he’s genuine about it.

✮ He will make an annoyed face every time you comment something negative about yourself, and trust me, you will notice.

✮ Leviathan has a very good memory, and he’ll make a mental note of every part of your body that you mention that you don’t like, and every chance he gets he will make sure to kiss or caress that part. He won’t be very obvious, but somehow, he will find a way to discreetly improve your opinion of yourself.

✮ He would hang anyone who dared to make jokes about your body, and would also hang anyone who complimented you, only he has the right to do that.

✮ And on those days when you feel particularly bad about your body, Leviathan will be sure to find a way to distract you with something else, he’s very observant so he wouldn’t need to listen to you to know how you feel, he’ll just suddenly leave his work for a few hours and take you to one of your favorite places, even if he hates the place, he hates more that you have a bad opinion of yourself.

“Get those thoughts out of your head, people should be jealous of how you look, okay? Don't be ridiculous”

#prettybusy what in “hell” is bad?#what in “hell” is bad?#whb #whb satan #whb beelzebub #what in hell is bad x reader #whb mammon #whb leviathan #whb leviathan x reader #whb satan x reader #whb mammon x reader #whb beelzebub x reader

179 notes · View notes

obsessedelusional · 1 year

Text

religious trauma but make it gay

masterlist

paring ✦ Bella Ramsey x fem!Reader

summary ✦ Bella was your childhood best friend. The one person you felt like you could tell anything. So you do exactly that, coming out to them when you two were still young. Only for Bella to push you away. What happens when they show up at your work several years later?

word count ✦ 3,500ish

authors note ✦ I’m so in love with Bella Ramsey and there’s barely nothing out there. So I took it upon myself lmao hope y’all enjoy!!! Also I’ve never written for a real person so I hope this ok request for Bella open bc I’m a simp rn

COMMENTS AND REBLOGS APPRECIATED!!!

⊹ ꙳ ✦ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹

several years ago

“I think I’m gay.” You admit to your childhood best friend, Bella. The two of you sat in the school yard, parked under a tree.

“What?” She asks, forcing you to repeat the statement you’ve been trying to find the courage to say for months now.

“I think I like girls.” You further explain.

“That’s a sin. You can’t like girls.” Bella spits, bringing tears to you eyes.

“Bella-“ You say their name, letting the tears fall as they interrupt you.

“It’s a sickness, you can get help. My pastor will know exactly what to do.” She says, entirely seriously. Taking your hands in theirs, you quickly push them way. You can’t believe what your hearing.

“I don’t need help. I needed my friend to be there for me.” You stand up from the floor, overwhelmed by the entire situation.

“I don’t think-“ Bella hesitates.

“I don’t think we can be friends anymore.” Her words tremble like their unsure as they come out.

“I knew you were religious but this takes it to a whole another level.” You croak before leaving Bella sat alone under that tree. Part of you thought they’d come back, apologize to you after some time passed. That never happened, ten years of friendship over because of you opened your mouth about your sexuality. At the time you regretted saying anything at all, wishing you had just kept it bottled up inside.

The worst part was when their mother called a couple weeks after the incident basically outing you, offering your mother her pastors number. To your surprise your mom politely declined, she accepted you fully for who you were. It was a bit awkward at first at home but eventually everything went back to normal. That summer you attended your first Pride Parade and felt so seen that the coming school year you came out publicly. Considering the two of you were in the same grade you still saw them around, although never speaking to them again.

After a few years Bella landed her first huge roll in Game of Thrones, leaving your guys hometown behind. You didn’t have to see her face around anymore. Part of you happy for them but sad you couldn’t be in their life to support them. Only to remember they never supported you when you need them most.

present day

It had been several years since you came out, now living your most authentic life. Since then you had a few relationships, nothing too serious. Normally only lasting a few months before breaking up. You had graduated high school, started college shortly after. You got into the college you’d been dreaming of and the major you always imagined yourself as. Your college was a few hours from your home town so you occasionally saw people from there at your part time job. A couple days a week you were a barista at this cute little coffee shop right on the corner of the busiest street.

“What can I get you?” You ask blindly, going through the motions of a transaction.

“Y/N?” The voice on the other side of the counter asks, causing you to look up from the cash register. Looking up you’re greeted by the girl who you hadn’t seen since that depressing day. The day you lost your best friend.

“I can’t believe you work here.” They say, their voice warm.

“Yup.” You say flatly.

“What can I get you?” You ask, trying to quicken this interaction.

“The film I’m working on is filming just down the street for the next few weeks. I’ve been trying to find you for years, you have like no social media.” They admit, completely disregarding your attempt to not make small talk.

“Can I get you something?” You asks again, uninterested in what they have to say.

“Damn I deserve that.” They sigh before muttering off their order and paying. He walks over to the pick up area and you start making their drink. Every time you look up from your work they’re already staring. You can’t help but look too, they’ve changed so much. You’ve seen things about them online and people from your home town loved to talk about the girl who made it big. Always asking, “Didn’t you used to be friends with Bella?”

Once you’re done with their drink, you walk over to where they stand and set their drink down on the counter.

“Y/N wait.” They plead before you can turn your back to them. Against your better judgment you stop, briefly making eye contact. Saying nothing but signaling with your eyes to speak.

“I’m so sorry. I know what I did was shitty. I haven’t stopped thinking about that day since. While I’m still in town I’d like to apologize better like take you out or something so we can talk.” They explain, almost rambling their words.

“I understand if you don’t want to but here’s my phone number. Consider giving me a call or a text or anything, please.” They smile reassuringly pleading with you one last time, passing you a small folded up paper. They leave the coffee shop, drink in hand. You catch your self watching them leave, mind wandering on what you’re gonna do with their number.

Part of you wants to throw it away. An even bigger part of you wants to find out what would happened if you contacted Bella. Maybe their viewpoints have changed, it’s the least you can hope for. Against your better judgement you slip the small piece of paper in your phone case, deciding you’ll worry about it later. The rest of the work day is slow, painfully slow. Nothing to keep your mind distracted from thinking about Bella.

—

“I should be good, if you’re ready to take off.” Your coworker speaks, disrupting your spiraling thoughts.

“Okay,” is all you can say before rushing to clock out. Grabbing your belongings and thanking your coworker before leaving.

Once home you reach for the folded up piece of paper that’s been living in your phone case all day. You hesitate for a few moments before finally mustering up the courage to open it. All that is reads is their phone number, nothing else. You’re not sure how long your sat there staring at the piece of paper but eventually you decide to just shoot them a text.

you: hey it’s y/n

You don’t hear anything back that night. You stay up later then normal stressing about the entire situation. Imagining that it was all some elaborate set up, Bella’s sat up laughing at how stupid you could be to think that they’d want apologize.

The next morning arrives, your alarm goes off bright and early. You have a long day of classes ahead of you. You rush getting ready, picking out the most basic clothes you own. Not it the mood to try, exhausted from the lack of sleep from Bella’s sudden return to your life.

“Girl you good?” A girl you had always been friendly towards in your nine am class asks. You can never remember her name.

“It’s it that obvious?” You let out an exasperated laugh.

“No offense. Your just usually all dolled up and suddenly you look not dolled up. You just look tired.” She laughs.

“Dolled up?” You ask, curiously. For the first time truly noticing the girl who’s always sat near you.

“Yeah you always got them eye lashes and stuff. Not that you don’t look cute today, you always look cute.” They explain poorly. You can’t help but laugh at their way to describe makeup.

“Too tired this morning. Thanks I think?” You smile, she smiles back before the professor walks in and starts class. For a brief moment you forget about the lack of response from Bella. Too busy thinking about the attractive person who low-key just flirted with you. Only for that to be quickly forgotten when your phone vibrates from your pocket. You slyly pull it out laying it flat on your desk, where the professor can’t see. It is Bella, you catch yourself smiling at her name popping up. Stopping yourself immediately from having that type of reaction.

Bella: hey sorry I didn’t respond sooner super late work day only to wake up even earlier to work some more but I have tomorrow off so can we please get together

You decide you’ll respond but make them wait, not nearly as long as you waited. But you’ll stick it to them, make them wait till your out of class. The rest of the period is spent mentally drafting your response. Are you really after all these years ready to meet up with Bella? Maybe.

When class is over you shove all your belongings your bag, rushing to leave so you can send your text. Only to be stopped by that girl from before.

“What class do you have next?” She asks.

“Uhm,” You have to think about it for a moment too distracted by the phone burning a hole in your pocket.

“English in Butcher Hall at one.” You blurt out once you can remember. Normally you either go back to your dorm, grab lunch or study in the library. Today you had planned on going back to your dorm, knowing you weren’t going to be capable of studying.

“Dope. You wanna get lunch or something? I don’t have class till 1 too.” They explain, a smile on their face.

“Oof,” You say aloud, regrettably. The laugh almost as if they’re confused.

“I totally would but I got stuff I have to do before my next class.” You explain, sort of lying. Unsure why your lying just so you can hurriedly respond to Bella.

“That’s fine. Another time maybe?” She asks.

“Yeah.” You smile before walking off, back to your dorm room. They wave goodbye as you leave. When your out of their reach, you pull your phone out and type your message.

you: tomorrow works, I have one class in the morning. I’ll be done around noon. After that is ok

bella: sounds good wanna grab lunch at one?

you: yeah

Bella responds in a short time, sending you the address of a restaurant you never heard of before. You decide not respond anymore, deciding that any talking that needs to be done can be done tomorrow.

—

You had woken up early enough to actually get ready today. Or “dolled up” as the girl from your class would say. Thankfully you didn’t have that class with her today, knowing you couldn’t handle that along with all that is already going on.

After class, you walk quickly back to you dorm. Using the hour you have to dress cuter, fixing up your makeup. Mentally preparing yourself for the conversation that is about to be had. You pull up the address Bella gave you and it’s a cute little Italian restaurant. That’s always been your favorite, for long as you can remember. You wonder for a moment if they remember or if it’s just a coincidence. The drive is short, too nervous to listen to music. Letting your inner dialogue fill the silence. You park near the front door, looking down at the clock on your dash and you have a few minutes to spear. You phone goes off and it’s Bella.

bella: I’m here just let the hostess know your here to see me

All of a sudden it all starts to feel real. Your going to be having lunch with Bella after several years of no contact after coming out to them. It’s not too late to back out, you think for a moment. You have too though, you’ve made it this far. It’s a quick walk from your car to the door, you let yourself in. Greeted by a girl at the hostess desk.

“Hello!” The hostess beams.

“Hi I’m here to meet with Bella.” You explain.

“Right this way,” She smiles grabbing a menu and leading you towards the back of the restaurant where it’s more secluded. Pass the view of the back of the hostess head you can see Bella sat, scrolling through their phone. The sight of them biting their nails, puts some of your worries at ease. Knowing that they’re just as nervous makes this a little easier. Bella looks up from their phone, smiling brightly at you when they notice you.

“You still like Italian?” They ask.

“Yeah I do.” You smile because they remembered.

“I’m so glad you actually showed up.” Bella says examining you.

“After what I did I always thought you’d want nothing to do with me forever.” They explain, you quickly notice them fiddling with the table cloth.

“I’m so sorry.” They say now with a bit of sadness to their voice. Your not entirely ready to forget what happened but the sight of them is tempting you to forgive them on the spot.

“You know you haven’t grown much?” You tease as an attempt to lighten the situation.

“What?” They ask confused.

“You’ve always been so short and that hasn’t changed. You’ve cut all your hair off, I like it.” You let out an awkward laugh.

“We’ll when everyone is old and looks old I’ll still look young.” They laugh, you can tell they’re finally beginning to relax.

“Plus in my line of work it’s a plus. I can continue to play younger roles as I age.” They explain. Which leads to you asking them what they’re in town filming for. The conversation begins to flow smoothly, smiles never leaving either of your faces. You two order and wait for the food to come over. When the conversation eventually lulls, Bella’s face is screaming like she has something she wants to say but can’t get it out. You eyes dart to their fingers that anxiously fidget with the utensils in from of them.

“It’s okay,” You reassure them resting your hand on theirs. You feel them relax under your touch.

“I’m gay.” They spit out.

“Really?” You ask.

“Which is why I reacted the way I did when you told me. I’ve always had feelings for… women. I was raised to believe that it was wrong. I struggled internalized homophobia for years only recently coming to terms with my sexuality. I was so scared at the time.” Bella admits, your hand still rests on theirs. They look to you like they’re waiting for a response.

“I forgive you.” You respond.

“I would of done this sooner. Your just not the easiest person to find.”

“It’s fine Bella. Just promise we’ll stay in touch now, okay?”

“I promise.”

—

They did exactly that. For the rest of their time in town, when ever your schedules aligned you two we’re together. Or they would find any excuse to leave set and stop by for a quick visit when you were working. Getting to know each other all over again, you couldn’t help it forming a crush on them. They made you so happy, the most comfortable you felt around someone in forever. You finally got your Bella back.

Only for her to have to leave you after a few weeks. Her film was moving locations so they’d be several hours away. It was only for a month but you were so torn up about it. They had promised as soon as that month was over, they’d be back in your home town and visiting you as much as possible.

It was a bit awkward when that girl form your class kept making the moves on you. One day your finally let them down gently. It was entirely because of the slight chance with Bella you thought you might have.

You finally got your Bella back only to have separate again. This time though, you were friends. That month was spent on face time calls when ever you got the chance. Always waking up to good morning texts and not going to sleep until you two had a chance to talk on the phone. You can’t remember the last time you had smiled so much. Always checking you phone, biggest smile on your lips. All because of Bella.

—

one month later

“I missed you.” Bella says, wrapping you in a hug. Their head resting in your shoulder, breathing in your aroma.

“I missed you, more.” You tease. You feel them laugh in your embrace before pulling away.

“I may have got me an air bnb for a week or so.”

“Really? I thought this was just a weekend kind of thing.” You say, biting your lip trying your best not to smile too hard. Originally you couldn’t help but be upset when Bella flight was delayed, their 10 am arrival turned into 5 pm. You had thought half your time with them was wasted.

“We’ll you were wrong.”

“I’m glad.” You laugh, following them to your car. Helping them load their luggage. Bella pulls up her maps app and types in the location of the air bnb. You drive, listening to Bella talk about everything that had happened in the last month of filming.

“You’re so cute when you talk about your job.” You respond, letting the word cute slip out.

“What do you mean?” They ask.

“You’re cute. Do I really need to elaborate?”

“I guess not.” They smile. The rest of the car ride is filled with a comfortable silence.

Eventually you two arrive at their temporary home for the week or so. You help Bella unload and follow them to the door, watching as they unlock the lock box that has the house key inside. They open the door for you, you walk inside.

“Wow this place is so nice.” You awe at the beauty of the living room.

“You think this is nice? Come look at the back yard.” Bella leads you to the back yard, it’s so beautiful. Plants everywhere and jacuzzi, wishing suddenly you had brought a swim suit.

“Wow.” You say aloud, noticing the large hanging chair. Big enough for multiple people. It hangs over the deck, with the perfect view of the nature behind the house. Without hesitation you climb into the hanging chair, Bella watches you amused. You let out a screech when it move from your weight. Eventually you fall on your back, looking up at the stars. Bella continues to watch you, enjoying the view of you enjoying yourself.

“Are you not going to join me?” You speak up.

“I guess so.” You laugh at their attempt to climb up, their attempt causing it to swing and sends Bella landing closer to you than they had originally intended. When you didn’t pull away, they didn’t either. The two of you, sit in silence staring up at the starry sky. Eventually Bella is the one to break the silence.

“Can I be honest with you?”

“Of course.” You respond, sitting up on your elbows so you can see them better. They begin speaking, not daring to look at you.

“I said I knew Ialways had feelings for women. Like I always knew I liked women. The truth is I had feelings for you. When you said you were gay, I freaked out because my feelings for you could of become a reality. I think that’s the real reason I pushed you away. I knew I couldn’t be in your life as just a friend but also that I wasn’t ready to be out. I don’t if that makes sense and know I’m rambling. I’m sorry.” Bella finally gains the courage to look at you after their words.

“It’s okay.” You smile, biting you lip. Thinking this is the moment you’ve been waiting for.

“So you’re not mad at me?” Bella asks.

“Not at all. The real question though, are those feelings still there?” You ask, curiously. Your tone a little flirty.

“They’ve always been there. Bumping into you only reignited them. Then you actually said yes to meeting up with me, I couldn’t believe it. I still don’t believe it.”

“Believe it.” You laugh before closing the space between you two. Letting your lips kiss Bella’s for the first time. It takes them a moment to fully register what’s happening, shortly kissing you back. Their hands reach for your head pulling you in closer. You’re the one to pull away, needing to catch your breath. That only lasts a few moments before they’re the one initiate the second kiss. The two of you spend a few hours on the hanging chair. Kissing, laughing and talking about anything and everything. Only going inside because it began to rain. That night you guys stayed up so late, some time around 3am Bella asked you to be their girlfriend. You said yes.

#bella ramsey #bella ramsey x you #bella ramsey x reader #bella ramsey oneshot #bella ramsey pov #bella ramsey fluff #bella Ramsey angst #bella ramsey imagine #tlou #the last of us #ellie williams

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defectivefanboy · 1 year

Text

You’re better when you’re quiet

trying to take a moment to yourself in teyvat you decided to take a walk around the land, but it didn’t help much when it slowly became taking out treasure hoarders, hilichurl camps. Just to make it better, you took out one wrong fatui camp and the silhouette of a man casted a shadow behind you. Seems you both could use a stress reliever…

Overall notes: While this story doesn't use specified pronouns for the reader, it is AMAB and is written for the gays and they's. My boys and... bOiis? idk but it isn't written with female in mind, same with all my other stories. if you don't like that, find another blog. don't know what to tell ya.

C/W: NSFW. sub scara. top!male!reader. cursing. hate fuck. choking. degradation. praise if you squint. hair pulling scratching impact play yah da yah da. bit of blood. disappointment in myself. the fact ill have to explain some things to my friends bc i let them read these :’)

Notes: Minors DNI. this is old asf this was written on oct 13th 2021. So this is when scara was still thought to just a rumor of a playable character. he literally only came up in game once and then the trailer dropped. I crack up reading this

you’re better when you’re quiet.

It was supposed to be a peaceful walk. Supposed to help you, y’know, clear your mind. Yet, it only made you feel worst. After having to deal with a night full of drunkards you were tired of people for the day. So once you completed your daily commissions for the guild, you set yourself off for a simple walk.

And simple was the last thing it was.

First it was the treasure hoarders roaming around the place. Next it was the uncleared camps that the normal knights should've taken care of, and it’s still too early for Diluc to take his nightly patrol. That would’ve been fine if it wasn’t for the Fatui.

Of course when you were finally able to take a breathe, a mob of them were gathered within a small clearing surrounded by trees. At this point, you just sighed, because either way,

you were going to be the one dealing with them.

After getting shoulder checked into a tree, to almost be hammered into the ground like a nail. You were over it. Over the pain. The soreness. Over the fighting. Oust over everything. Like the snap of a rubber band your sword slashed the last of them as you stared off blankly.

Before you were able to let your guard down for a moment, a figure had to appeared behind you. Only to be luckier, the shadow had casted a large outline of a rather familiar hat. Turning around and clicking your tongue on your teeth, you gave a glare to the male.

“Wow. Not even a word in and you already look like you want to kill me. Color me impressed, Honorary Knight.” With a low laugh at the end, the male lifted his head as he held a smirk on his face.

Letting out a low groan you brought your empty hand up to your face. “I don’t believe now is a good time to be a brat.”

his smirked dropped at the name. A what? Who do you think you are. A brat? Absolutely not. He was about to make way to you when you took the first step.

“Ah, ah, ah. Not a step, I'm in control today, doll” stepping close enough to hold his face in your hands. You grab his cheeks with your hand with a sinister smile on your face. One that could be mistaken for a innocent one if you didn’t know any better.

If anyone were to look, if they even could, Scaramouche was wide eye at your actions. It quickly changed into a look of annoyance as he was about to say something, most likely yell. Though, before he could get a word out or even a letter, you shut him up as you placed your lips on his in a rough kiss.

Frozen once again his eyes went wide. The thought to push you off did cross him mind as he brought a hand up letting off light sparks of electricity, but the kiss you had him in was a terrible poison. So intoxicating and addicting, yet so deadly and dangerous. Kissing back, his body relaxed moving his raised hand to your hair as it became tangled in it.

As the kiss grew more heated you both pulled each other closer as you fight for dominance over the other. That was quickly shut down as you grabbed his ass and lifted him up, pushing him back into a tree. Keeping him caged between you and the perfectly place tree.

“What would happen if someone saw you like this, doll? Think they would still see you has the high and mighty Harbringer? or just a horny puppet in my hands.” Hiking a knee between his legs, lightly grasping at his neck. He bit back a moan, closing his eyes and clenching his legs.

Pushing your leg up further, you move a hand down to his waist before trailing his jaw and neck with kisses. Leaving dark marks as you trail further down he lets out small whines and hushed moans as he lightly grinds down on your leg. His hands move from around your neck down to the bottom of your shirt, trailing his hands up your chest, before you removed it completely.

Placing your own hands under his top you lifted it passed his head, revealing his chest as you trailed your kisses down, leaving marks on his chest in your wake. Removing your leg from between his, he let out a low whine, stopping once you filled in the spot with yourself, letting him wrap his legs around your waist. “Awe.. was someone enjoying that?” you whispered moving close to his ear.

“And you seem to have a death wish you perverted freak.” He spoke through his clenched teeth with a hiss as you pulled him down against your bulge. “Hmmm..? What was that love? I couldn't hear you. Could you speak up for me?” placing your forehead on his you pushed yourself further into him as you begun grinding at a slow pace.

Light gasp came out of his mouth before he bit his tongue and his hold around your neck became tighter. Only letting out a low laugh you begun fiddle with his shorts, he brought his hands to your hair and pulled your neck to close him as he begun to leave marks of his own. Pulling down his shorts you brought your hand to the tent that had formed, precum leaving a stain in the fabric.

“If i didn’t know any better i would say you’re quite happy about this. Am I right, Scara? before you could say anything more, he bit down on your neck harshly breaking the skin drawing a bit of blood out that he lapped up with his tongue. “you speak one more time i’ll-... fuck” he cut himself off with a moan as your hand pulled back the fabric and began to jerk him off.

“Awe.. What happened, darling? Cat got your tongue?” you smirked as his hands pulled at the back of your hair as he tried holding himself up, but the motion of your hand was telling him a plan. He was about to open his mouth and speak, but you shoved two fingers into his mouth to keep him silent.

“You’re much better when you’re quiet, doll” moving your head back to his neck, leaving more marks on the other side. He sucked on your fingers, twirling his tongue around them. His hands had moved to your waist pulling at your pants, even lifting his waist up to pull them down as he fiddled with the fabric to pull your cock out.

Sitting back on your waist he placed your dick next to his as he began to jerk you both off in a sloppily manner, short gasp coming out of his mouth––

––and thats where I had left off and I'm too embarrassed and shy to write anymore :')

hope you enjoyed

#foolish writing #request #request open #genshin impact #genshin #genshin impact scaramouche #genshin impact scara #scaramouche #genshin scara #genshin scaramouche #scaramouche smut #scaramouche x male reader #scaramouche x gn!reader

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callisto-writes · 11 months

Text

Crawling Back To You (S.T.A.R.S. Albert Wesker x Male!Reader)

triggers: wesker lmao.

notes: mmm gay wesker. there needs to be more of this. short, takes place before resident evil 1, reader is a member of s.t.a.r.s., is built like the bus, and taller than wesker

It was something about that boy that always had Captain Albert Wesker's thoughts focused on him. When he was bored, his thoughts would crawl back to him. He thought that at first the boy was simply just another member of his team that he was soon to betray. A nobody that would be dead soon. But then, everything just changed. Wesker started to make small talk with him on the daily. He would behave differently around him without ever even noticing.

The tall boy would greet him with a cup of coffee he brought from home every morning, brewed just the way his captain liked it. Wesker's cheeks would flush red every time he took the cup, quickly excusing himself to his office to hide. The boy was always confused, the dumb idiot he was. He reminded Wesker of Chris, but bigger and more of an idiot. A handsome, buff idiot that knew how to do his job.

The day he asked for Wesker's phone number so he could contact him if needed, was the day Wesker realized he had fallen in love with the boy. He didn't know what to do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You sat at your desk, happily talking to Jill, when you heard Wesker call your name. You excused yourself from Jill, quickly standing and facing your captain. "Yes, Captain Wesker?" You were nervous, afraid you had gotten yourself into trouble again. "Come to my office, please. Now." You looked to Jill, who muttered a "good luck'" before returning to her work.

Entering the office, you shut the door behind you. Wesker stared at you through his sunglasses, you could tell he had his gaze locked on you. "Captain? Did I do something wrong?" You sat in one of the chairs in front of his desk, looking nervously at Wesker. "No. You've done nothing wrong. I simply have something to confess to you." He took off his sunglasses, revealing those icy blue eyes you rarely ever saw. You responded with a nod, waiting for him to continue.

"I believe I've found myself falling in love with you. I've only recently realized. You don't have to reciprocate, I understand if you aren't into men. I simply wanted to let you know." When you didn't respond, Wesker reached for his sunglasses and started to apologize. When you stood up and walked over to him, he froze.

Wesker stood up, ready to leave the office embarrassed. That was until you placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, leaning down and placing a gentle kiss on his lips. Pulling away, you smiled at him. "You should've told me sooner, Captain. I feel the same way."

All Wesker could do was pull your head back down into another kiss, this one longer and more passionate. This time, it was Wesker that pulled away. "Could I take you out to dinner tonight?" He had a soft look in his eyes, one you had never seen before. "Of course you can." You smiled, placing a gentle hand on his cheek.

#resident evil #albert wesker #albert wesker x reader #albert wesker x male reader

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woneuntonzz · 2 months

Text

torn and folded .ᐟ (2/2)

📞 ; “respectfully, you're disgusting.” | 💿 part 1...

𖹭 : bully!seunghan x bl reader, amab!reader

💭 you loved your free time in manga reading websites, not him though, he thinks you need your senses sorted out for you, and so he would...

⤷ contains: mlm pairing (this is pure fiction and is in no way

made to assume the idol's sexuality!!), angst, bullying,

homophobia towards mc (i myself have struggled with), fluff,

humor (kys/kms jokes), mention of other idol names for world

building

⤷ wc: 11.2k!! (not proofread :3)

-ˋˏ under the cut .ᐟ ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

saxyguy1002

hey bunz

can i ask u a question

what do u do when u like someone?

bunz

why’d u even ask if you can ask me when you’re gonna ask either way

saxyguy1002

sorry

bunz

well

idk either

saxyguy1002

do u like someone rn?

You sighed, deleting what you have previously typed: you.

bunz

yes

saxyguy1002

who is it? 👀

bunz

u don’t even know him

idk why ur even asking

saxyguy1002

ur right

so what

ur just out being a loser all day and not do anything about it?

You could only laugh silently at your screen.

bunz

he hates me

saxyguy1002

ouch

sucks for u ig

bunz

kys lol

saxyguy1002

ur so sweet

dw u have me

fuck that guy

You rolled your eyes, you couldn’t believe you were smiling over everything despite the somber truth behind it all.

bunz

i thought ur not gay

saxyguy1002

that’s a conversation for another day

come on

tell me to kms

bunz

um, okay????

kys

saxyguy1002

something’s missing

bunz

AAAAAA HELLL

kys :3 (hope u dont wake up tomorrow)

saxyguy1002

i will :> (i have to wake up so i can actually kms)

You don’t think twice before shutting down your computer the second you’ve read his reply. Looking at the time, you had once again spent two hours of your night chatting. It’s crazy how far you’ve gone when it comes to talking, it would always be just about the games you’ve played, sometimes complaining to each other about school. It was him who’d start talking you into revealing more about yourself, and he’d do the same without even asking. That’s how you found out that he was definitely Seunghan.

At first, his messages made sense for the guy you saw him to be in school, then he’d change, it’s very gradual but it’s there for your eyes. You’ve played the waiting game before, longer than anyone, you just hope waiting for him would amount to something.

You’d spend your next days with Matthew tailing behind you, and like what you agreed upon, you two would read that manga you were currently reading, next to each other on your phone. Somehow he got you to feel comfortable enough to stay in the library with him instead of that desolate room. Of course, he’d ask you why you liked it there, and you’d tell him everything. Despite your attempts of flailing his attention towards the manga on your phone, he’d continue to ask you if you were fine with not being in your safe space.

“I’m really okay.” he kept his eyes on you, as if urging you to keep talking. “For now at least.”

“You know, actually followed you there because I thought you were up to something bad —but I didn’t know it was you either since all I could see was your backside.” it was the first time he’d hear you laugh audibly, and he’d smile.

If you were being honest, you felt like you still had to keep your guard up. He’s told you himself that he’s heard about you, probably seen you at your most piteous state. It just boggles your mind that him approaching you was purely arbitrary, and like others, he didn’t care much about you being bullied before. But you gave him the benefit of the doubt, he had a life of his own and he was most probably concentrated with what he had going on in it, after all, you were mere strangers to each other.

You quickly learned that you were only spared when you’re with him, but back in your class, you still suffered the same hell.

“Seunghan, why aren’t you responding at the group chat?”

Or maybe not quite the same.

You vowed to yourself to never let your eyes wander around without care, but you felt so anxious, you could feel it at the back of your head. With some shameful guessing, you thought you might know whose eyes it is that pricked you. You braced yourself once you stood up from your seat, hearing the bell ring for the last time that day, it was tradition for them to push you around before going home.

And they did just that. You’d be on the floor hurrying to gather your belongings that were scattered on the floor, by chance —and because of your cluttered mind— you looked up to the door, and Seunghan would pass by. You caught his eyes looking right into yours for a very brief moment before he completely vanished from your sight.

There was something about him that day, he didn’t walk up to you, he didn’t steal your phone and threw it around, he was just there. It was like back in middle school, you knew he could see you, but he chose to not give any of his attention.

saxyguy1002

aaa sorry my play was ass

i can’t believe i’m bot frag

bunz

i was ass too

saxyguy1002

we’ll get it next time

ig it’s not a very great idea to play with a lot of things on ur mind

bunz

same

what is it for you anyways?

saxyguy1002

i’m gonna be 18 soon

technically i’d be an adult by then

right?

bunz

yeah?

why ask?

r u planning to commit felonies rn be fr

saxyguy1002

i just wanted to be

away

from my parents

bunz

what is it about this time?

saxyguy1002

i’m just tired of it all

they’re too controlling

and what for? lmaoooooooo

i feel like i’m gonna burst

i can’t even pursue my dreams because of them

talking abt “you’ll end up–”

idc where i end up as long as it’s not with them

bunz

ykw

if ur confident enough that u can survive out there on your own

do it

this is your one chance with life, do what you can to live it to the fullest

saxyguy1002

could’ve just said "YOLO and embrace your FOMO"

bunz

kill

your

self

saxyguy1002

i was totally just jk

just just kidding

enough abt me

you?

bunz

it’s the same thing pretty much

my dad would kill me if he found out

saxyguy1002

that ur gay?

nahh u have to escape

i’ll help

bunz

that’s crazy tho

u dont even know where i’m at

saxyguy1002

oh but what if i do

bunz

then u can be a private investigator

or a psycho stalker

my saesang <33

saxyguy1002

bunz stan 😋

bunz

kys :3 (idk kinda hope u sleep w/o that shit in mind)

saxyguy1002

i will :> (thanks ik u want me fr)

The days that followed, you could see his messages reflecting through the way he behaved at school. He was no longer one you had to be careful around, still, he seemed to be just as indifferent towards you. There’d be moments where you’d catch his eyes, but in them was something you haven’t seen before —or more likely, in a while. You’d cross paths outside the classroom often, and seldom times he was in the library too, and you would try your best to see what he was doing without completely turning your head towards him. He just studied, by himself.

It wasn’t a rare, once in a lifetime type of event, he was still quite the grade-conscious student because of his parents —he’s told you before— it’s just that he was always by himself. It should be for the best, getting away from those people, maybe he’d get his old self back, maybe you’d have him back in your life. The memories you shared then weighed more than anything else in your life, and even after everything he’s said and done to you, you would continue to carry it, still missing him behind the malignant persona he had created.

In the meantime, you would have your usual routine with Matthew, and it immediately crossed your mind —if he had ever grown tired of these little hangouts, so you end up paying every little action, every little sound your consciousness, seeing if he was any different from the previous day. He’d never change, there was nothing that you could see, so you granted him your trust, even if it was hard giving it away again after a long while.

“The guy is crazy, don’t you think? If he really loved the main character, why would he make him suffer through it?” —he was talking about the manga you two were reading.

“I mean, it’s for the storyline.” you laughed at his sour face. “You read it anyway.”

It felt wonderful to let yourself breathe in every moment, not having to hold it to block off the torturous stench of your classmates’ perfumes. You hoped that this would last, at least until you had to graduate. He made school a bit more bearable for you.

However, with his absence, you’d shift back to your usual self, leery towards everything. You’d go back to that room, but it would not be the same as when you left it.

You were that cautious boy all over again, taking light steps to the place that in your world, you owned, carrying most of what you could, even the items you knew you wouldn’t need. Your eyes scanned left to right, keeping your vision’s periphery clear for any threats, or anyone who could be following you.

When you got there, you stood outside of the room for a while. It wasn’t possible to peek without opening the door since the glass was blocked off by black tape —and it was probably there to keep students out. You convinced yourself that you had no reason to be nervous, it was your room, your sanctuary. You took a hold of the doorknob, very carefully turning it so that it makes very little sound. Every second that passed, you’d open it a little wider, and wider, until you could take a full view of the room.

“Sorry.” you had turned your heel, ready to take speedy steps away from your comfort, but he who seconds ago was lax and seated, would rush towards you, grabbing your wrist and pulling you inside the room.

He’d close the door, but you could only hear the sound it made, you couldn’t take your eyes off him, especially when he was that close. His eyes slowly made their way to yours, you could feel your heart racing, recalling the last time you were in his proximity. He felt you subtly trying to move yourself out of his grasp, so he’d release you from it, keeping his eyes on you. When he let go of your hand, you’d look around, feeling anxious about everything. You were thinking about what he was going to do next and what he was going to say.

You’d withdraw yourself from where you stood, backing away because of his sudden movements —he had raised his hand with his palm facing the ceiling, holding it up in front of you as if he was asking for you to give him something. You were unsure of what he wanted, and he took notice of that, his other hand reaching for his nape.

“I didn’t know you’d be back in here.” his voice was impossibly soft, you were sure you looked like you had seen a ghost. “This was so sudden, I know.”

It was like your body had a mind of its own, and you would shake your head without being fully aware, pulling on your own fingers as your eyes went all over his face. You could feel the heat creeping up your face, so you’d look away to the side.

“I’m sorry.” he’d lower his hand at a painfully slow pace, still keeping his gaze at you, and soon his eyes were glossed, “For everything.”

That day wouldn’t be as bad as it’d usually be, even without Matthew’s presence. That day, old feelings would resurface, with much greater magnitude. That day, you held his hand again, and it was like the first time all over again, where you gave it your all to not give off how jumpy your heart got. The two of you were just in that room, till the last bell sounded. You were sitting on the floor against the wall near the door, and your hands would remain entwined. You were so close to each other, like how you used to be, like those times under that big tree at that old park. His hands would move towards your head again, but this time it wouldn’t be to get rid of a leaf that landed on your hair, he’d lead your head on his shoulder, and his grip on your hand would be a little tighter, but somehow still gentle. You waited for him to talk, but he didn’t utter another word. All you could hear was his breathing, that at some point would falter when you moved after hearing the bell.

“We should go back.” your voice was as quiet as the wind, yet he felt like he’d melt from it.

“We could.” he’d let his tongue swipe against his top lip before he spoke again, “But we don’t have to.”

So you didn’t. You were there for hours, but somehow it still felt like very little time. You still had to ask him why he was being like that. What changed?

saxyguy1002

this is a sign

pursue your love

bunz

r u being fr

what’s up with you?

saxyguy1002

hahahahahahahahaha

don’t you ever just go

☺️

👉👈

bunz

huh 😭😭😭😭😭

saxyguy1002

yea so

i’m basically gonna risk it all now

maybe not all

not all at once

🤓

bunz

what is bro yapping about 💥💥

saxyguy1002

how’d u find out that you’re gay?

bunz

excuse me?

saxyguy1002

serious question btw ☝️

bunz

☝️🤓 well actually

ok wait

serious face on

saxyguy1002

hello?

gay ghosted

bunz

GASPED WHAT

well

i’ve known this boy for so long since we were kids typa beat and idk i never really liked any girls, i mean sure they're pretty and cute and all but i never pictured myself with any of them

but i did with this boy

saxyguy1002

u have to tell me everything

bunz

kys :3 (go to sleep freak)

saxyguy1002

no :< (wait plz)

bunz

bro

saxyguy1002

that’s crazy

bunz

what

saxyguy1002

you know who i am don’t u

i know u

bunz

???

ur actually tweaking

ok fine u win

ur scaring me

go kys fr

saxyguy1002

y/n

The hand that held yours and led you back to his haven.

bunz

who

???

bro who’s that 😭

saxyguy1002

don’t be like that now :((

it took me this long to realize

stupid

i’m stupid

i’ve told u a lot of things

even mentioned chaeyoung

that name is so awful to look at

i’m sorry

bunz

seunghan

i’m gonna go

saxyguy1002

you’ll come back, right?

You took a sharp inhale, deleting every single reply you had thought of and typed out. You left him on read, not really knowing what to do from then on, yet, you were so eager to find out how this night would affect tomorrow.

Slipping into the soft sheets, your eyes would swell with tears looking back at how he turned against you then. Your eyes would end up swollen, you felt so drained that you dreamt of nothing but the dark.

Your thoughts went running fast, he owed you an explanation, and you believe he could give it to you soon enough after everything that unfolded from yesterday.

“You seem to have a lot in mind.” you jumped at Matthew’s query, your consciousness being drawn out of your clouded head.

“Huh?”

“You’ve been re-reading that panel for ten minutes now.”

You sighed, feeling betrayed by your cognition. You ran your fingers through your hair, thinking about how you’ve been stealing glances from each other all day, and how he walked past you a little slower, mouthing “Let’s meet, room.” He had no room to be careless, he knew his sister still had her eyes on him.

“I’ll be busy later, you can keep reading, you really don’t have to wait for me.” you utter when your mind flies to the image of your hand in his.

“Got it.” you just hoped Matthew wouldn’t spot you and follow you into that room again.

You went there after your first afternoon class, after you’ve seen him leave first —not before calling you to follow with his eyes though. The door was only slightly open when you got there, and you’d poke your head in first, before finally letting yourself in.

“So you’re bunz.” he said once you were seated next to him. You’d only nod at him, and once again your eyes were stuck to each other. “When did you figure out it was me you’re talking to?”

“It took a while too. I had to piece together the things you were telling me. Then, like you said, you mentioned your sister.” he had to bite his lip to hold himself back from beaming, he felt as if your voice was enough to take him out of this earth.

“And I had to tell you her name too huh.” he softly laughs at himself, “I got too comfortable I guess, no wonder why.”

His eyes would trail down, tracing every detail of your face, and you’d follow his eyes, wondering what lies behind the darkness of those orbs. It had driven you to finally ask him what you’ve been longing to know, “What made you change back then?”

You swore you heard his breath hitch, and his eyes would slowly start to water. “Chaeyoung. She was going to tell on me.”

His parents, now you could understand a bit more clearly. What was it that his sister had against him that she’s got him backed up in a corner? And why did he have to add to your suffering?

“She forced me into… everything.” he’d open his hand as a means to ask for yours, and you’d give it to him, “If my parents knew, they’d move me away.”

You stared at your clasped hands, watching his thumb lightly graze over your hand, “Knew what?”

He felt a lump in his throat forming after you’ve sounded your question, and with a light squeeze to his hand, he answered, “That my eyes are only for you. You know I like you, right?”

It was nothing but a hunch then, but you felt crazy because for others it might fall in line with the normality of some friendships. It all meant something after all.

“I always have, but it did take a while for me to grasp on it.” now he had a grasp on you. “I know what I did to you was irredeemable, but, now that we’re older, would you give me a chance?”

You looked at each other like nothing else in the world mattered, you thought everything else around you was fading into dust when you caught a glimpse of your own reflection in his eyes.

“You don’t have to answer now.”

“Do I have to answer? you got me, Seunghan.”

Before he could take another breath of air, the door would open, and there he saw your friend whose face would display shock. You’d turn around, only to be met with Matthew who’d soon repeatedly utter his apology before pacing away.

“Shit. I should talk to him.” you stood up, breaking the contact of your locked hands.

“I’ll go with you.” you stared at Seunghan for a while, taking his words into serious consideration.

“No. Chaeyoung might see you.”

“I don’t care. Let her see me. I’m more than ready to run away from that house.” —the truth is, he wasn’t much prepared, but he was firm that mentally, he was ready.

“We’re only graduating. It’s too risky. What about the dreams you want to pursue?” your tone sounded of worry, and it made his heart weak, wanting to just run into you so you could take him in your arms.

“It’s you. I want to pursue you, Y/n.” his voice was a bit shaky, and it almost cracked, his eyes lured you to him, and he’d let himself melt in your embrace.

You’d eventually have a talk with Matthew, but it would be the next day. He was surprised to see Seunghan following behind you. He had many questions, and they were all answered, indirectly at most. He didn’t even bother asking most of what he wanted to, he could already see it from the way you looked at each other, or how close your faces were and how your hands brushed against each other, feeling too bashful to just hold one another —though you’d argue that you were only that close because you had to whisper, you were in a library after all.

It’s been two weeks, two weeks of exchanged glances and secret signals to meet each other in that room. It’d be after the first week when he’d let his guard up when you were being messed with by his sister or the others, for the first time, he’d walk in between you and another guy who was causing you trouble, and he’d grab for your hand, dragging you out of the room with him. You expressed your worry, telling him that you were used to it, that he shouldn’t have done that, especially when his sister was there to see everything. He told you he’d handle everything, and he did.

“Are you seriously choosing to be this stupid Hong Seunghan?” That night his sister bursts into his room with this query, evidently enraged, “You really want me to tell mom and dad?”

“Yeah, go ahead, and while you’re at it, I’ll tell them about your boyfriend too and how he fucked you into failing three of your classes.” his stare was daring her to snap back.

“You have no proof of that, do you?”

“I can get proof if I ask him, it’s not like he knows how much of a good girl you are at home, you pretentious fuck.”

“You can’t talk to me like that!”

“Oh shut the fuck up. You’ve been shit to me and Y/n ever since we were children. Grow the fuck up. Y/n didn’t do shit to make your life as miserable as you’ve made his.” Now he was no longer afraid.

It was only a year ago when he had thought about what he truly wanted, and then he’d realize that he was close enough to start fixing himself up, thinking of ways on how he’d go about everything, starting with moving away from his family as soon as he could —if they didn’t threaten him first. He had to secure his chances, cause now he was sure that his future plans involved you.

It was quite a surprise that the torment would stop, though you would still receive glares and you could still hear them muttering under their breath, they would never get too close to you again. You were even more surprised when Seunghan had approached you at your desk, and you could see the stunned expression on the faces that scowled at you.

“You’re not in trouble are you?” you quietly asked.

He places a hand on your shoulder, lowering himself to whisper to you, “I’m not, but I’m still not sure how long this will last. Let’s talk about it in our room later.” when he rose from your ear, he’d give you a light smile, walking out of the classroom.

When you were back in your room, he proceeded to tell you about his plans moving forward, he also told you about the fight he had with his sister. He was quite set on what he wanted to do, wanting to get a scholarship, moving out of his parent’s house, getting a job while still attending college, and in his own words, the most important of all, to be with you along the way.

“But, you know, you can tell me if you have plans that go against mine. It’s okay, I know you have goals of your own.” but if you were being honest, you were under so much pressure and fear for the future that you didn't even know what you wanted to do with your life.

“I want to be with you.” It took him great effort to not close the distance between your faces right then and there.

But of course, it was all easier said than done.

Your relationship would remain the same till you graduated, following the same pattern everyday, keeping things as discreet as possible for the both of you. After graduation, you were talking to each other every other hour of the day, thoughts about the next phase of your life spilling out.

You were nervous to finally receive the results of your entrance exams for all the universities you were able to apply for, out of five, you were able to get into two, both offering scholarships.

You were high up in the clouds, thinking about preparing for college. You actually had a life ahead of you now, and you were glad that you ended up with the same boy you had started your journey with.

You packed your stuff nicely in an old travel bag owned by your mom, who was no longer around, not dead, just decided she had enough of your mentally abusive father. You made sure to clean very diligently, so that your dad wouldn’t grumble about it after you’ve left.

You wanted to leave this life behind you, the redundant pressure you’ve pushed to yourself, just to please your father who had given you more pain than help. So that morning before you left, you made sure you were leaving for good.

“I’m gay.”

You had expected him to throw his cup of coffee at you, but he’d just chuckle, his raspy voice made you flinch. “I know.” he’d laugh even more when he saw the expression on your face, “I’ve looked through your computer. You know, there’s really not much I can do. You’re not hurting anyone for being with another man, so go, live your life.”

It was nothing you could have foreseen, but before you left, you just had to give him one last hug, uttering a soft little thank you.

“He really said that?” Now you sit in a park near campus, under a tree, smaller than the one from your cherished memories, but just as beautiful.

“I was surprised too. I’m not even sure if I heard him correctly.” Seunghan wrapped an arm around your shoulder, and you would do the same, wrapping an arm around his waist.

Your head laid on his shoulder, and his lie on top of it. He’d very gently rub circles on your shoulder with his thumb, and you could feel him sigh, chest going into a labored rise and falling back with ease. “I guess we could start with your idea.”

“The webcomic?” he’d hummed a response to your question. You sat up and faced him, your hand enclosing his own. “Our story would make for a good webcomic, don’t you think?”

“Hmm, you’re not wrong.” his lips would grow into a smile once he’d seen your beaming face.

It wouldn’t take much time before he let his eyes wander down your lips, and you’d take notice of it. You beat him to it, and it was you who would close the proximity, sending heat waves throughout his entire body. When you pulled away, he’d blink a couple of times. He was only about to hold the back of your head to pull you in closer. You laughed at his bewildered face, and he’d become shy.

“We can continue, my dorm room is probably empty, my roommate said he’d be out for a while.” you tell him, and he’d wear a smug grin making you cringe a little.

“Yeah. Let’s do that.” he couldn’t help but take a pause, taking in how ethereal you looked at the moment, or how soft your hair was that he found all excuses in the book just to touch it. “And while we’re at it, I should start making concept art, sketches and all that. I’m gonna need a full body reference.”

Your face would wrinkle at his words, lightly pinching at his cheek. “Respectfully, you’re disgusting.”

His sweet chuckle almost made you forget you were in a public space, in a park. Though there were not many people there at that time, you were quite wary, something that would take time for you to adjust.

So where did your ambitions take you?

After a year of college, you were both successful in selling your webcomics to a well known publisher —you could say you took longer than you should, given that most of your work time consisted of half-hour make-out sessions— and soon it would boom, and most people loved it, some were of course, a little less tolerant.

Other than that, Seunghan had to deal with his parents who’d eventually find out about your relationship, and to that he replied, “What do you mean ‘shame on you for dating a gay man’? I am gay.”

He’d make sure to add it to his bio in your favorite game.

21 / male and gay AND i have a boyfriend @bunzshh

Disgusting, you mean, disgustingly adorable? People could call you disgusting all they want, but it’s the twenty-first century, people should be worrying about climate change and the things that are actually causing harm to the world. Don’t worry though, your story could only end on such a sweet note, and if people hated you, you still had your man (and no other).

boyfriend (legal)

fuck u

my man (and no other)

u already did like 12 hours ago???

boyfriend (legal)

ur sick

kys 🤍 (come over plssss)

my man (and no other)

i will 🖤 (hehehehhehehehehe open the door veronica)

End.

#riize #briize #riize fanfic #riize x reader #riize au #riize seunghan #hong seunghan #riize angst #boy's love #riize fluff

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queendomkey · 14 days

Text

Guilty as Sin? addresses the idea of emotional cheating, about longing for someone outside their current relationship. The speaker describes being in bored in her relationship, and fantasizing about a guy that she is texting* while her lover likely does the same**.

*In my romantic pirate heart, they're pen pals paramours as opposed to texting troublemakers. He "sent" her Downtown Lights, which could easily be read as being sent a streaming link, but I want to believe he sent her a burned tape. **As I've previously said, The Tortured Poets Department is an album in conversation with itself. The mutual emotional infidelity is only really implied by the speaker's questioning her right to be upset within Guilty as Sin? but is made clearer in other places throughout the album. Whether you allow other songs to affect your reading of the song is wholly up to you..

Diversion aside, I think the song touches on this theme very well, and I trust my fellow Department members will provide insights on the song's preferred reading in today's meeting.

In the reception theory of reader responses, a preferred reading is the audience understanding and agreeing with the author's (or producer, or lyricist, etc. ) intended vision for their media. Reception theory also says that readers can take oppositional and negotiated readings. Oppositional readings reject the author's stance entirely, while a negotiated reading may agree in part or whole, but still have their own "take" on the media.

Guilty as Sin? is intended to be about emotional infidelity. For the past few days, I have been analyzing the songs through their preferred reading. Today, I would like to destroy all of that, and present to you my Oppositional Reading of Guilty as Sin?

I know, very well, that the reading I am about to present is not Swift's intent, and indeed, I may be a koi swimming against the river's current. This post is not meant to be me saying that the song is my reading. I am within opposition to the text.

(I guess that technically makes this a negotiated reading? semantics—)

I am about to commit the cardinal sin of reading queer themes into a straight author's work. Crucify me if you please, but do so with the context that I acknowledged that this reading is not "canonical," to continue being biblical about it.

To reiterate, because this is the "how dare you say we piss on the poor" website. I do not believe that my reading is the intended reading of Guilty as Sin?

So:

When reading queer themes into straight work, I feel it is impossible to not draw from personal experience. This post is about Guilty as Sin? but it is also about me. It is about what growing up queer in the rural American southeast is like. It's hard to detangle those things.

I present to the department: A case for Guilty as Sin? as a song of queer longing. Half analysis, half personal essay.

On the surface, I feel this reading can be very simple. When the whole refrain is how can I be guilty as sin? and hegemonic Christian society deems queer love, queer living as sinful, the connection doesn't feel like that hard of a jump. The song travels through its religious theming, through the shame, through hushing yourself with the idea that thoughts don't count. The speaker works through those pains and repressions, so that she can come to the revelation:

What if the way you hold me is actually what's holy?

What initially got me thinking about this song in a gay way was one of the opening lyrics. ( Well, no, what initially got me thinking this was listening to it as I was writing fiction, but hush. )

This cage was once just fine.

As a bisexual woman, there was once a time where I really, truly, thought to myself that I would never come out. It was fine, to be honest. I still like men, so I just had to pray that my one big love was a man. That way, I could protect myself from my family’s imagined negative reactions. I don't think this is a unique experience, either. Particularly in the south, we hold ourselves in for the comfort of others, and our own safety.

I cannot speak for everyone, but I feel like that fear of rejection is common amongst the people I know. It leads to caging our feelings; locking bits of ourselves away from those who once knew us so closely, in order to preserve their original vision of us. As perfect, straight sons and daughters, as kids who would grow into the molds set forth. And for a while, we can hold together like this, the cage is fine.

But parrots pluck their feathers when kept under lock and key, and so too do we.

I dream of cracking locks, throwing my life to the wolves or the ocean rocks.

Doesn't it feel like that? The first time you consider telling a parent, or any loved one, that you're not what they imagined. Like you could be dashing your chances at life. The image brings to mind that of suicide, of a “I can no longer live like this.” People thrown to the rocks do not survive impact, and often are disfigured, beyond recognition. It's such a visceral image for a song filled with longing.

This song is textually about emotional infidelity, obviously, but I think it can also be about the longing we hold for the "unallowed." How we can both feel such beautiful love and hideous shame about the same thoughts. Repression is a funny thing, to smother the want can only make it come back harder, stronger.

What if I roll the stone away? They're gonna crucify me anyways.

I said that the Christian imagery is part of what made me think of the song as queer, and I stand by it. A lot of queer art deals with the trauma of religion; the idea of being guilty for the way you simply are, for the way you feel, naturally, drives one to consider the opposite. What if our way of being is holy. I'm particularly brought to mind Fipsi Seilern’s Portrait of Virgin Xtravaganzah (and the portraiture's subject - Virgin X - by extension.)

The connection is not hard to make; masturbation, the song’s main premise, is seen as sinful, as is infidelity. And so, too, is being gay. They are shamed the same way in conservative Christian society, as if they are of the same level.

In a way, it's very Christian of me to take a religiously charged song about emotional infidelity and make it about same gender attraction. On the level of infractions to the Christian hegemony, same gender attraction may be worse, truly, than infidelity. That to touch another man or another woman is worse of a crime, than to betray the trust of your opposite gendered partner.

Y'know, as a kid, I used to get nosebleeds every time I entered my family's church. It was high in the mountains of Tennessee, and I was prone to them anyways. It was my first experience with the hemming and hawing of Christian southern women, tsk'ing at me. I think we stopped going when I was like, ten, partially because of it.

And I look back now, and think about all these things I have learned since then. The pain that Christian dogmatism, that bigotry has caused, to me and the communities I love so dearly. Still causes, in the name of saving our souls, or more likely, extermination.

And think about bleeding every time I crossed the threshold into holy ground.

Does that make us all guilty as sin?

Nah. Any guilt we feel is only a consequence of the spoon fed hatred, and certainly no fault of our own.

( It is interesting, that this reading absolves the narrator of the song, where the original text is more ambiguous as to the level of infraction that the Speaker has committed. The answer to "How can I be guilty as sin?" here is more clear, especially to this specific audience. Swift's modern demographics trend towards young, leftist, and AFAB. Additionally, there's probably a whole essay in that idea itself, how queer people are treated with the same ostracism as adulterers. Going further, why are these "sins," a state of being and a social infraction, grouped with far greater transgressions in the Christian consciousness. Were I not a Biology student, that idea alone would be an excellent thesis topic. )

A defense of the idea of Queering Straight Songs:

When my family drove up the mountain to church, I listened to my Fearless disc on a pink Sony brand CD player in the back seat. How often are our first imaginings of queer love to straight media? Through characters or through idealized versions of us or through the music we're allowed, we find ways to feel queer love like sidewalk dandelions. Some call them weeds, but we all know they're flowers, beautiful and beloved, capable of coming back year after year.

We live in an age where queer stories and queer art are so visible, where we can look at Queering the Map and see all the places we are. And will continue to be. And have always been.

I think, in a way, claiming this song about straight infidelity as queer longing is almost a full circle moment, for me. In a time where queer liberties are at risk, we are still so loud and visible. It's nice, in a way, that I don't have to do this.

There are so many wonderful songs about this same longing, about locking your feelings up and bottling them away, by queer artists, even in this same genre. I don't have to stretch to see myself in these songs. They're radio play, they're opening Coachella.

( Also, protect small queer art. Protect bad queer art, too, while we're at it. We are so lucky that so much of queer lives are available at our fingertips, but without archival and protection, it can also be lost. )

I wouldn't say queer people are braver than we've ever been - that's a disservice to the people before us. We have ages of proof that this music, this art, has existed, and repressing it cannot stop it. We aren't any braver than our ancestors, just more widely seen, and more widely heard. Queer music, thanks to the internet, and thanks to wide, social pressure, is louder than ever.

But that doesn't mean we still can't queer the straight music we love too. This entire post (essay, can I call it an essay?) is about reception theory and seeing yourself in the other's work. It's a time honored tradition to make a song about yourself, to make it gay - I played Lover on violin at a lesbian couple's wedding, and my uncles danced at their wedding to Endless Love by Diana Ross.

I leave you with a final story, based on my favorite lyric.

What if he's written 'mine' on my upper thigh, only in my mind?

This line, in particular, made me feel many things, a rush of nostalgia and warmth. I've claimed many celebrities to be my bi awakening, but the first time I remember being attracted to a girl was at the Speak Now tour. She was a bit older than me, maybe 14, and sat across the aisle. Mid-show, she helped me write my favorite lyrics on my arm in the pitch black of Bridgestone Arena. I had seen the lyrics on Taylor's arm and got so excited about the idea, but my mother didn't have a sharpie. She did. In sort of loopy handwriting, she put, "You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter" down my right arm.

With purple glitter glinting off tanned, grinning cheeks, with her Speak Now glowstick hovering over my arm, I don't remember her name, or even if I asked for it. But she was so kind, crinkling eyes black as obsidian, twinkling the stage lights in their reflection, and made me realize exactly why that lyric resonated with me so deeply. How it was what I wanted to be in the future.

And I could see my future with her, or him, or them. And it is impossible to untangle Swift's music from that.

It's all empathy, all the way down. The kind of empathy that, I am not sorry to be corny and say it, Taylor Swift's music begs you to have. To take these songs that are very much written from her perspective, and see our own experiences mirrored through them, that's what her music asks. To see that we are not all that different, and to connect. How rare and mundane human connection, how we rip out our souls to achieve it. Swift's talked about it extensively, the catharsis of spilling ink, putting pen to paper and voice to recording all in effort to be seen.

I think that's the big motif: I feel seen by Guilty as Sin?, I felt seen back then listening to these CDs. That's the sorcery of storytelling. As an adult, who is so comfortable in her bisexuality that I flaunt it, I still like to do these oppositional readings, to see myself in songs not made about me.

And that's why Guilty as Sin? is, to me, a queer longing kind of song. Even if it isn't.

#taylor swift #ttpdminutes #Guilty As Sin?#this one got away from me #anyways this one goes out to my repressed queers it gets better. i promise you it gets so much better.#religion tw #tw christianity #brief mention of suicide #mentions of homophobia #man i realize this aint even ABT the song anymore.#but it would be too on the nose with the theme of this essay if i DIDN'T say these thoughts #queer every song you love. its good for you i promise.#long post

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switchbladedreamz · 1 year

Text

Choosing Me

LongHair!Frank Castle x Fem!Goth!Reader smut

Requested? Nah

Warnings? ❤️18+!!Hella fuckin smut y'all. Just fiiiiilth.

I need him to kiss me with his beard soaking wet

He cheated. Again..

"You know Ryan, you say you love me but you really don't give a shit about me. Do you?" He face turns bright red. It's his only change of expression from condescending. He straightens his tie. "Oh this again! I love you (Y/n/n). Is it your time of the month or something?" Out of the corner of my eye I see the silhouette, it's been following me all day, get closer. "Look I'm sorry I cheated, it didn't mean anything to me. Lets just forget this ever happened, we'll go to that fancy new Italian place and I'll buy you a new necklace." "Wow. It's like you're married the definition of misogyny, Jesus Christ dude. Get ahold of yourself and get your head out of your ass." I laugh, it almost sounds deranged with how pissed off I am. I turn to walk away but he grabs my wrist. I punch him square in the nose. "I have two hands dumbass, next time try to restrain them both." I mumble 'pathetic' before walking to my car. So too the silhouette moves in time.

It's three hours later and I'm crying into a bottle of wine blasting Halestorm, trying to remind myself I'm a bad bitch. A knock sounds at my door. A very beautiful face is on the other side of the door and I feel the gay panic seep in. "Hello, I'm Yelena, your new neighbor. I believe this is your mail," her ethereal green eyes squint as to read the name in the plastic viewing window of the envelope..''(Y/n)," 'my name rolls off her tongue so elegantly, beautiful.', " it was on my doorstep." She speaks in a Russian accent. I accidentally stare for a moment before finally speaking. "Ahem. Sorry! Thank you, yes. Uhm..how did you know my name?" "It's on the mail." She responds, a light laugh on the end. "Oh! Of course, how silly of me." "Is the music too loud? I'm sorry if it is, and I know a lot of people don't like metal.". Yelena has a beautiful smile, "Crank it girl, Lzzy Hale is an icon. I'll see you around." She waves. I'm stunned silent as I watch her door close. I jump over the couch and yank my phone off the aux, calling my best friend.

"Frank!! The most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life just moved in across from me. And she likes the same music I do, I'm gonna marry her.". "Jesus Christ (Y/n), I thought you was busy cryin over that Bryan prick." "Ryan, and I've been crying because I'm totally happy to be rid of his ass." "Yeah I never did like that douchebag. So. What's the chicks name? I'll see what I can get David to find, see if she's the real deal." I smile, I'm happy he cares. "She said her name was Yelena, I didn't get a last name though. She has this beautiful Russian accent but it's not too thick to were I don't know what she's saying. I don't usually go for blondes but man." "Yeah yeah I get it you're head over heels. Stay safe. Did Ron get all of his shit out of your apartment yet? You need any help with that asshole?" " I would like that, he's not a violent guy but he grabbed my wrist, it left a bruise. He'll be here in a few hours and I haven't been able to stop crying but I was a bad bitch when we last spoke now I'm a sad bitch.". "I'll be there". Before I can thank him he hangs up. He has such a way with words.

Frank arrived shortly after the phone call. He brought me flowers, ice cream, and a black throw blanket. I started to tear up "c'mon, can't have my best girl cryin over a gift. Go sit on the couch, I'll clean up and get you some food and water. Can't have that bastard catch ya slippin. He'll think he's won." I put the new blanket on top of the washer so I don't forget to wash it, I stop in the bathroom and wash my face and change out of my wet shirt.

"Heeey, there she is. Pick out a movie". Frank sets two plates on the coffee table. "Found some hamburger helper in the fridge." I hum as a response before picking Hellraiser, classic.

Halfway through the movie someone knocks on the door. Frank gets up, motioning for me to stay on the couch. I can hear the accusing tone in Ryan's voice as he's greeted with Frank's face. "Guess she hopped on the next dick that was nice to her". Frank's response meets Ryan's nose, that cracks. He screeches and I rush off the couch to stand behind Frank. "You're just going to let this APE TREAT ME LIKE THIS (Y/N/N)!?" Ryan yells. "Keep your voice down! And he can hit you once since you left a bruise on my wrist from early. Eye for an eye, bruise for a bruise shithead. Take your shit and leave." I grab the box, pretending Im going to hand it to Ryan, I let it dump to the floor in the hallway. I hear a gasp then a laugh, Yelena was in her door way. "I'm so sorry. I heard shouting and was going to check on you." That makes me smile a little.

Ryan scoffs and surprisingly he leaves without a word. With asshat out of sight Yelena breaks the silence. "Man that was awkward. But good for you, I like that you dumped the box. I would have just stabbed him." She laughs. I awkwardly laugh. "I'm kidding, you Americans." She points at us and chuckles, shutting her door. Frank and myself go back to watching Hellraiser. I hid my face in his arm as the hooks tore Uncle Frank's flesh off, I hate that part. Frank just laughs then let's me know when it's over.

After the movie ends Frank stretches, his shirt riding up. His happy trail making me happy. I can't help but shoot a quick glance to his lap then away. For some reason my dryer goes off. "Okay now put in the movie I brought." I hear Frank faintly call out. As he walks in he's carrying my new blanket, a bottle of wine, the ice cream, and two spoons. I smile and bend over to put in the movie he brought.

"I've never seen this before. Have you?". I can feel his eyes on me as I bend. "Nah ain't heard of it neither but Sarah said she thinks you'd like it and I told her I was headed over here and she let me borrow hers as long as I bring it back without a scratch." "Well cool, thanks Sarah. I'll definitely have to text her after with my review of it.".

Frank and I go back to cuddling. His presence is so comforting, I'm glad he's here with me. Frank starts to shift around, his face sort of contorted into an uncomfortable expression. "You okay Frankie?" I whisper. "I'm alright." He responds curtly. Well okay then.

Thirty minutes later and he's started shifting again, what the hell. I watch his hands go under the blanket and I catch a glimpse. Oh.

"hey Frankie" I whisper again. "Yeah what?" "Are you alright? You keep squirming around. Are you feelin okay?" I look up at him, doe eyes and all hoping he'll tell me the truth. "Quit worryin bout me and watch the movie, I'm okay." I nod my head and get up to go to the bathroom. It's there I realize why Frank was staring. I'm wearing loose shorts and...I forgot to put underwear on when I was changing into my pajamas. I go to my room and get an old pair of a different ex's jogger sweats (she was very tall) and an oversized HIM cutoff for Frank to sleep in.

Back in the living room I throw the garments at him and he catches them. "What're these (Y/n)?" "Your PJs silly, you really think I'm gonna let you drive yourself home after all the wine we've had". I slur my words the tiniest bit. "I'll get some water for us but you're still staying the night." I insist. I'm met with no retaliation from my guest.

The movie ends and Sarah was right, it was great. I pick up my phone but it's dead. Well I guess I'll text her in the morning.

I'm bent down on the floor, trying to find my charging cord under the mattress when heavy footfalls alert me of Frank's presence. I hear him mumble "fuck me" under his breath. I smile but it's swept away due to my lost cord. "hey princess is this what you're lookin for?" His voice is gruff, broken. Like he's trying to restrain himself. I get up off the ground and plop onto the bed, "yes! Thank you!" I grab it and kiss his cheek as thanks, okay maybe I'm still tipsy. I bend back over, this time on my night stand, to plug in my charger. "Damn iiit. I'm on my tiptoes and I still can't reach it. Frankie can you help me please?" He wordlessly walks over and fixes my problem. "Thank you. Would you like to take a shower before bed?" "Uh, yeah that'd be great, thanks. Towels?" "Hall closet". He nods and leaves.

Laying in my bed, trying my best to fall asleep but I can't when I can hear him. He's not loud by any means but the walls are thin. His little "fuuuuck"s or "yes just like that babygirl"s are driving me insane and insanely wet. The last thing I hear is "fuck yes, just like that (Y/n). Good girl" then the water shuts off. When the door opens, I can see Frank in my doorway. "Frank,....could you come lay with me till I fall asleep?" I ask him innocently. "I don't know if that's a good idea." "It's okay if you don't want to but I've been trying to sleep this whole time and it's weird to fall asleep to an empty bed.. I'm cold" I whine the last bit, rubbing my hands on my arms. Effectively squeezing my arms together to make my breasts pop. Another silent nod he steps in, shuts the door, and makes his way to my bed. It's then I notice he's shirtless and a couple droplets roll down his chest. Fuuuuck mee.

"good night princess" Frank whispers. "Gnight Frankie.".

I'm woken up at 5am, so my clock tells me, to grunts and being shaken. I feel something harsh against my behind when the brain fog clears and I realize what's happening. Frank's face is buried in my neck, and his cock against my ass, humping me in his sleep. "please" he whispers. It's so broken, desperate for release. I bite back a moan and rub my thighs together. It does nothing to alleviate my troubles except when I slip my hand down my shorts. I find im completely soaked when my middle finger splits my folds and runs up and down, spreading my juices. I accidentally gasp out loud as I rubbed my clit by surprise. Frank awoke with a grunt. "You okay pretty girl?" His morning voice is so hot. Then I feel the air shift. He knows. "(Y/n)." I don't answer. I'm too ashamed. "(Y/n)." He says more urgently this time. "Y-ye-ahem, yeah Frankie?". "Don't 'yeah Frankie' me right now. Just, just. Is this happening?" He stammers out. "D-do you want it to? To happen?" I turn onto my right side and face him. I had to at some point. "Yes. Do you?". I just nod. "Can I get something verbal, please?" His deep voice on edge. "I do. Please. Please Frank." Like a predator he growls and inches down bed, kissing and licking down my body as he strips me bare. With his large rough hands, grips my ankles, he pulls my center directly to his face. He doesn't stop making eye contact as his beard burns my thighs. His lips suck my clit into his mouth, the tip of his tongue swirling on my nub over and over and over. Two thick fingers languidly thrusting into me. It's all so beautiful and overstimulating. The tips of his fingers cuuurl and my toes do to, hands twisting needy in his long black locks. The grunts he makes when I tug on his hair send me. His fingers and mouth leave me and a small whiney 'nooo' leaves my mouth. Frank chuckles as he changes our position, I look up and my mind is blown. The big bad...hairy.. Punisher, towering over me and chuckling at me. "Frankie if you know one thing, it's for sure how to turn a girl on." His only response is another chuckle. His big hands pull my knees together and brings them over to one shoulder, slowly inching his member deeper into me. The girth stretching me open, nestled deep in my walls.

Frank's eyes never leave mine as he gently pulls out then pushes back in, inch by fucking inch. One arm stays wrapped around knees, his free hand pressing on my waist. Before I ask what he's doing out of nowhere his thrusts become fast and hard. I can see his cock bulging out of my stomach under Frank's hand, my eyes go wide and squeal when that hand applies pressure. "Okay baby, let me hear you". He leans his body forward, thrusting even deeper. The push and pull of his thick cock fucks my brain over, I can't think of anything. "F-Fra-fuuuck Fra-a-ank!" I cry at the top of my voice, all I get as a response is another chuckle. I roll my eyes. "Hey don't you fuckin roll your eyes at me, especially when I'm inside of you." His thrusts don't stop, it takes a lot to muster my verbal response. "You just...chuckle...it feels rude". I cross my arms to further prove my point. Really I'm just playing with my breasts. "It's." Stop, a harsh thrust. "Because." A stop, Harsh thrust. "You're" stop, harsh thrust. "So. Fucking." Two harsh thrusts back to back. "Cute!" He throws my legs open and around him, wraps his arms under me and pulls me to his chest. Plush lips trace my throat, my pulse, a bite to my jugular, a timid lick behind my ear, a nibble to my lobe. "Baby" I whimper, hushed against the shell of his ear. Gods he smells amazing, like me. It makes me feel primal, he's mine, he smells like me, mine mine mine. His hips move fluidly and slow, loving me. Choosing me. I kiss neck, my lips pressing softly to his Adams apple, my nails scratch lightly down his back. He shivers and it's my turn to chuckle. "Now you get it" Frank says before kissing my shoulder and to my chest. We end the blissful night between the sheets, holding hands. "G'night Frankie." I whisper to the darkness. "G'night baby".

#frank castle x reader smut #frank castle #the punisher x reader smut #the punisher #just pure filth

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lazybakerart · 2 years

Note

Hi hi hi!! First of all, I absolutely love your writing. I think you do such justice to your characters and it’s always just so believable and poetic and beautiful. FFYIHI-F-A (quite the acronym) and Cherry made me cry multiple times, even on re-reads. You’re incredibly talented and I thank you for sharing your vision with the world!

I was wondering if you have any literary influences? Or perhaps how you developed your style of writing? I know that might be a difficult question; sort of like asking how your brain works lol.

I’m fresh outta university and my fiction writing skills are abysmal, but I have all these feelings and ideas in my head that I think I should get down on paper (if only for myself), but my taste is better than my skills atm so it’s frustrating. Beyond “write, write, write,” was there anything that helped you get to where you are today?

ALSO, your art?!?!?! Multitalented af!!!!!!

Thanks so much <3

oooohhh adskjghbsdf!!! thank you so much!! gosh!! T_____T!!!!

i didn't really start reading books until late in college (before that it was h*rry p*tter and garfield comics - i was obsessed - and manga. so much manga) then i got an ipod touch where i realized i could download the kindle app and get gay romance novels without anyone knowing~ (read all of josh lanyon at the time)

i didn't start getting REALLY into reading until i read kurt vonnegut. then i read most of his books. his idea of giving the reader all of the information up front was so interesting. he writes in a very approachable way. never too heavy with the details, but the details he does include are vital.

then i started listening to the moth podcast which helped me learn how to tell a short story, what the beats are, what makes a short story impactful.

there's a writer, emungere, who writes mainly hannibal fanfiction and original stuff too. i learned a ton from reading their stories. every word is needed and there's never any fat. they go straight to the heart for each sentence. succinct as hell.

i've gotten into megan abbott novels recently and she manages to balance between so poetic and brutally raw. i've never read an author who writes women like she does.

just write really is the best advice (i know, i wish there was a shortcut too T_T).

but!

write what you hate writing. for me, it was dialogue. i had a really hard time writing people talking. like, i'd avoid it all the time. and i really had to work on it before i got remotely comfortable and then you slowly learn the grooves of a conversation for whichever characters you're writing. (it was the same with my art, i never drew hands and now i'm, like, gonna fucking put a goddamn hand in this. all the hands. all of them.)

writing short drabbles is a great exercise. i rarely every wrote anything longer than 2k for years. even if its 500 words. if you can shape a story/narrative or just a scene! with 500 words, that's awesome.

and always remember, the 1st draft isn't perfect. it doesn't have to be. all a 1st draft is, is getting the information down. the 2nd and the 3rd and however many it takes, is where you start to carve out your story. so don't feel bad or give up when your 1st draft isn't what was in your head. you need to just keep working at it. give yourself and your story a chance to become what you want.

#thank you my dude!!! i hope any of this helps #writing #replies #*sending you a big ole hug for being so sweet*#my writing process is basically writing a bunch of random segments #and then gluing them together to make something close to a story asdgjkhsdfg

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whimsicaldragonette · 8 months

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ARC Review: The Bell in the Fog by Lev AC Rosen

Order Add to Goodreads Publication Date: October 10, 2023

Synopsis:

The Bell in the Fog , a dazzling historical mystery by Lev AC Rosen, asks―once you have finally found a family, how far would you go to prove yourself to them? San Francisco, 1952. Detective Evander “Andy” Mills has started a new life for himself as a private detective―but his business hasn’t exactly taken off. It turns out that word spreads fast when you have a bad reputation, and no one in the queer community trusts him enough to ask an ex-cop for help. When James, an old flame from the war who had mysteriously disappeared, arrives in his offices above the Ruby, Andy wants to kick him out. But the job seems to be a simple case of blackmail, and Andy’s debts are piling up. He agrees to investigate, despite everything it stirs up. The case will take him back to the shadowy, closeted world of the Navy, and then out into the gay bars of the city, where the past rises up to meet him, like the swell of the ocean under a warship. Missing people, violent strangers, and scandalous photos that could destroy lives are a whirlpool around him, and Andy better make sense of it all before someone pulls him under for good.

My Rating: ★★★★★

*My Review below the cut

My Review:

I was so impressed with Lavender House that I wasn't sure this second book could really stand up to it, especially given the way the story played out. To my surprise, it did.

Andy Mills is a compelling protagonist who has had a hard life and you just want him to succeed and have some good things and learn to enjoy himself and believe he's worth those good things. The other characters are vibrant and complicated and the way they push and pull Andy makes the overarching mystery more intriguing.

This is very much a novel about the way the past can drag at you, holding you back and trying to pull you under. And the way it would be so, so easy to let it. To let yourself be submerged into the memories and the glow of nostalgia and let your future fade away.

Andy is haunted by his memories and his past in this novel. It clouds his judgement and complicates his case, and he really struggles to break free of them.

The mystery twists and loops and as Andy investigates one suspect and then another you really wonder who could be behind it all. It's very well-crafted and satisfying.

I really love that this is very much a story about queer characters in a time where being queer is basically illegal and can easily get you beaten up or killed and no one would bat an eye. There is a danger that darkens all the shadows, but at the same time that just makes the light of their joy shine brighter in defiance.

The setting and the characters and the queerness of it all is captivating and as a queer reader is both painful and beautiful. I've never read anything quite like it before.

I was sucked in by the story as it unfolded and couldn't tear myself away. I will definitely be reading future novels about Andy and his friends.

*Thanks to Bookishfirst and Macmillan Tor/Forge for providing an early copy for review.

#the bell in the fog #lavender house #andy mills #lev a c rosen #queer books #queer historical #lgbt+#mystery #historical mystery #noir #shilo reads #netgalley #arc review

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mrsnegan · 3 years

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hey beautiful! loving all your writing! and was wondering if you’d do a request with the reader having Negan as her neighbor and he gets jealous when her guy friend comes over instead of him

[Hi there! So, so sorry it took me this long to write your request. But here it finally is, another smut fest, I just can't help myself. 😅]

Warnings: smut, dirty talk, rough sex, jealousy, oral sex (f receiving), bodily fluids, squirting, aftercare

Moving into a new neighborhood always felt weird. Getting used to a new surrounding, meeting neighbors and hoping they would be kind of alright was a pain in your ass. You hated those situations. But meeting Negan, your neighbor of two years by now, was the most cool thing ever. He was a real sweetheart with a sailor's mouth, ready to help whenever there was a problem, ready to party whenever there was an invitation. Even if he was eye candy as well, a real flirt at times, you didn't consider him as an option, more as a friend, a life long partner in crime.

Negan, on the other hand and unbeknownst to you, did definitely have interest in more than harmless teasing. He liked you - a lot. Though he would never pressure you into anything, would never make a move without any signal from your side, because he cherished your friendship as much as you did and respected the hell out of you. Little did he know that a mysterious male guest of yours would shake up his whole resolution, unleashing something primal and urging inside of him.

---

You stood in front of the oven, the lasagna smelling delicious and nearly ready to eat. Paul, your friend from work, would ring at any minute. He was a nice guy, helping you out with a big project. In return, you invited him for dinner to thank him for all the effort. This wasn't a date though, Paul was gay 100 percent, the coolest dude in your opinion. He dated an Italian barkeeper who was at work right now, so it would only be the two of you. Either way, you looked forward to a chatty evening with good food, lots of wine and laughter.

Your doorbell rang some moments later and you opened it with a bright smile.

"Hi Paul, come in!"

"Hi there! Thank you so much for the invitation, Y/N!" he beamed, handing you two bottles of wine.

The two of you entered your kitchen, preparing the rest of the dinner together. It was such a relaxing atmosphere, you had missed nights like this.

The lasagna tasted as delicious as it smelled and the first bottle of wine was empty much sooner than you thought. Paul and you talked about work, life, love and everything in between. You felt at ease, happy to the core. The second bottle was opened a few moments later and both of you decided to enjoy the nice weather in your little garden.

"Hey, who's this?" Paul asked, head pointing towards Negan's property. You could see him standing on his terrace, looking straight at the both of you.

"My neighbor and friend Negan", you answered and waved with a big smile. To your surprise, he just looked straight ahead, turning on his heels to get inside.

"What the fuck was that?" you asked perplexed.

"Uh, honey, sorry to break the news, but he seemed to be severely pissed about your male company."

"Huh? That's...why should he?"

Paul looked at me with his eyebrow raised, his glass of wine still in his hand.

"He's some nice piece of ass, at least from what I could make out. And honey, let me tell you, he's jealous because I'm enjoying your presence, not him. He's definitely hot for you."

You laughed loudly at his explanation, shaking your head in disbelief.

"No, he isn't. We're just friends."

"Y/N, for real, I know how a jealous man looks and he definitely wants you all to himself. I'd suggest you get your beautiful ass over there and get banged real good. Because jealous men are such a turn-on and won't keep their hands off of you."

Despite knowing Paul for a long time, you clasped your hand over your mouth.

"He's my friend..."

"So you keep saying. What's wrong about friends with benefits? You absolutely deserve a good time. And he looks like a real snack", he winked, drowning his wine and getting up.

"Besides, I need to get home, it's late. I will get myself an Uber. Don't you worry your pretty little head, just get over there for your dessert."

You said goodbye at your front door half an hour later. While you watched Paul drive away, your heart kept beating faster and faster. Your feet carried you to your kitchen where you drowned another glass of wine. Was it possible what Paul had said? Was Negan jealous? Deep within you there definitely was a spark you felt, a pull towards Negan. He was handsome and funny, that much was true, though before Paul's suggestion you hadn't seen Negan in this kind of light. And since it had been spoken out, you couldn't stop thinking about what his lips might taste on you, what he might feel pressed between your legs.

You gulped audibly, not believing your own thoughts. Blaming the wine for your inappropriate thoughts seemed too easy, but admitting you were attracted to your neighbor was too difficult too. Sighing, you pulled your cardigan over your shoulders, grabbed your keys and went to his front door. The wine gave you the much needed confidence to do so, but your heart hammered in your chest nonetheless. What if you would destroy your friendship with this stupid little action? What if Paul was wrong? But you had to take the risk or you wouldn't sleep at all at night, laying awake with the punishing thoughts of what if.

The door bell rang in your ear louder than you remembered. Your palms were sweaty, so you tried to anchor yourself on your cardigan, hugging yourself tightly.

When Negan opened the door, he looked pissed to say the least.

"Hey", you said timidly.

"Hey", he answered without the warmth in his voice you were used to.

"Can I come in?"

"Why would you want to? You do have company, don't you?"

With a dry mouth you shook your head. "He went home."

"Asshat", he mumbled and you raised a brow.

"Negan, we need to talk."

"About what? I think it's more than fucking clear. Have a good night", he said, motioning to close the door in front of you, but you pushed yourself against it.

"He's gay", you told him, letting him stop in his tracks.

"What?"

"Paul, my visitor. He's gay. He's one of my colleagues and a good friend. This was a thank you dinner because he helped me out at work", you explained even if you didn't have to.

Negan pinched the bridge of his nose, opening the door wider, so you could slip inside.

Both of you stood awkwardly in front of each other, just staring at your shoes.

"Look, Paul said you would be...jealous. Are you?"

You heard Negan huff before you risked a look into his face. He looked troubled, as if he calculated the pros and cons of his next words.

"Fucking shit, Y/N, yeah, I'm jealous. You satisfied now?"

"No", you answered truthfully, risking everything with your next move. You closed the distance between the both of you, getting on your tiptoes to press a fleeting kiss against his lips. You pulled back as fast as you had kissed him, adrenaline driving through your veins.

Negan's growl surprised you, he was on you in an instant, pressing you against his door, his lips colliding with yours. The heat radiating from your bodies made you feel dizzy, his hands held your face tightly while he devoured your mouth with passion. He deepened the kiss as his body pressed itself against you, grinding where you ached the most. Your hands grabbed his strong frame for support, the moan into his mouth made him stop, pulling away a bit to catch his breath and also look into your eyes.

"Damn, baby, you have no idea how long I've been waiting to do this."

The groan leaving your lips spurred him on, moving his center against your trembling body in a nice rhythm.

"Shit, I...I had no idea."

"You surely didn't. Such a sweet, innocent girl. You wanna continue?"

He stopped all at once, earning a desperate whine from you.

"Y-yes, please Negan."

That damn grin of his made your knees buckle. He was so hot and he clearly wanted you. Thanking Paul silently for speaking his mind and Negan for his jealousy, you made the next step by pushing his shirt up, revealing his lean stomach to your hungry eyes.

He just smirked down at you, helping you out by pulling his shirt over his head. You admired his tattoos for a while, tracing them lightly with your fingers. He caught your hands in his, kissing your fingertips before he let go to slip your cardigan over your shoulders before he open button after button of your silky blouse, revealing more and more skin as well as your bra.

"Hot damn", he mumbled when he had freed you from your blouse, starring blatantly at your cleavage.

"I wanna worship every part of that hot body before I fuck you senseless."

Moaning at the prospect of getting laid by Negan, your hands found a home on his chest again.

"You...you don't need to be...you know...gentle with me, at least not this time." You bit your lip at your own forwardness. This was definitely the wine speaking. Your panties were wet the minute he had attacked your mouth and edging was the last thing you needed right now.

"Oh baby, you're full of surprises. The next time, huh? You sure?" Negan played with one of your locks, scanning your face for any second thoughts.

"Yes", you whispered.

He was on you in an instant, his hands on your ass, pushing you against him before he lifted you off the ground to carry you to the living room.

He sat you down on his dining table where the cold wooden surface made you gasp.

"I would carry you into the bedroom...but I think that's something for the next time", he winked, pushing up your skirt and slipping off your shoes. "I need to have a taste right now."

He surprised you yet again by dropping to his knees. Your panties, soaked as they were, were gone in an instant and his impatient mouth closed around your center.

You jumped at the sudden pleasure, too much too soon. Your hands wandered into his hair, desperate to push him away and to keep him there at the same time. The moans leaving your lips sounded like they were coming from someone else. He ate you out with passion, the slurping sounds so foreign to your ears that you turned a light shade of red. But he seemed to enjoy himself, biting down gently on your clit.

"Whose pussy is this?" he asked against your wet flesh, his breath on your lower lips driving you insane. You couldn't form a sentence, earning a light slap against your inner thigh.

"I asked you a question, baby. Whose pussy is this?"

"Y-yours", you moaned, you answer accompanied by his fingers rubbing over your folds.

"Yeah, that's right, mine alone", he mused, closing his lips around your clit again while two of his fingers entered your slick channel. He fucked into you with precision, driving you to your breaking point in no time. You came against his mouth and around his fingers screaming his name.

"So beautiful. Better than I could have ever imagined", he mused, looking up at your face. "I could do that all night. But you didn't ask for gentle, did you?"

There were no words with which you could respond, your orgasm had made you feel like jelly, absolutely unable to do anything than breathe.

You heard Negan's belt come undone and the zipper of his jeans. With the little strength you had left, you lifted your head to look at him. The sight you were greeted with drove another moan out of your mouth. Negan stood in front of you, cock in hand, stroking it languidly while his gaze was fixed on your wet center.

"You like what you see?", he asked, smiling warmly with a hint of mischief in it.

"Yes", you whimpered.

He came nearer, pushing the head of his cock between your soaked pussy lips.

"Fuck...", you uttered, over-sensitive but so damn horny for him nonetheless, despite the earth-shattering orgasm he had gifted you with.

"Patience, baby. Gonna fuck you so good, don't you worry", he mused, concentrating his movements on your clit. You jerked under him, the pleasure rapidly building and as he rubbed himself harder against you, you came again.

"Shit, would you look at that? You like my cock that damn much, don't you?"

As hot as his dirty mouth was, you wanted to feel him, finally. So you pushed your arms up and around his head to pull him down for a longing kiss. Just as his tongue sloppily played with yours, he entered you in one swift motion, setting a fast pace from the beginning.

The moans and groans you shared echoed through his house, the wood underneath you creaked with every movement. This was precisely what you had asked for, a good, hard, passionate fuck, something primal to get rid of all the tension. He fucked you harder still, looking down at you with furrowed brows. His right hand pulled your bra down to bare your bouncing breasts to his heated gaze while you tried to anchor yourself underneath his punishing thrusts. You hadn't been fucked like this in a long, long time, nearly forgetting how much you liked to be taken, to be claimed. And Negan was just perfect at fulfilling your fantasies, his cock feeling incredible.

"Baby...", he purred when he watched you play with your nipples, throwing your head back in the process.

There was something building inside of you again, much stronger than before. Your moans got louder in the process.

"Don't stop, don't stop, don't...", you chanted repeatedly, while Negan fucked you hard, his hand coming down between your legs to flick your clit roughly with his thumb. The walls came crashing down for you, your orgasm roared through your body, wave after wave of pure bliss, so much so that Negan had to pull out to make room for you to squirt all over his cock.

He practically roared at the sight in front of him, jerking himself off furiously and shooting his load against your sodden pussy.

Both of you panted heavily while coming down from such an exquisite high. After a while, Negan helped you out of your skirt and bra which were still dangling on your sweaty body and carried you upstairs to the shower. Underneath his big shower head, you pulled him against you, still with shaking legs, but happy, so damn happy.

"Thank you for being jealous", you said giggling against his strong frame.

"No worries, baby, I still am. You're mine now."

You laughed at his comment, even if you knew he was honest with his statement. The kiss that followed was sweet, a nice contrast to your rough coupling some minutes ago.

"But honestly, I would love to invite you for dinner, have a proper date if you would like to", Negan suggested, his hands drawing lazy circles on your back.

"I would absolutely love to", you answered, peppering his chest with light kisses.

---

Taglist: @iluvneganandjamie @murphslass @negans-attagirl @you-a-southpaw-doll

#negan #negan smut #negan x reader #negan x you #jeffrey dean morgan

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shititbe · 3 years

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Anyway, HSM2 is about internalized homophobia, and no one can tell me otherwise.

High School Musical is one of the most beloved franchises in the world. Teenagers all over the world grew up watching Troy and Gabriella harmonize together. Three movies, and nearly a decade later it’s still beloved by all. The first film easily forgotten in the ashes of the early 2000’s, the third film stuck in a purgatorial limbo of the rather unfortunate late 2000’s. The second film on the other hand sticks out between the ruckus.

The second High School Musical film takes place at Sharpay and Ryan’s family country club, during the summer between junior and senior year. The Wildcats are working summer jobs on the country club, often forced to the beck and call of Ryan and Sharpay themselves. Sharpay uses all her prestige to help Troy with college instead of starting at the bottom ( or rather, in the kitchen washing dishes) with his friends. In the time she’s helping Troy, she is also pushing her brother away; replacing him with Troy in their musical number for the talent show, and refusing to hang out with him in preference for Troy. Ryan becomes vengeful to his twin and starts hanging around the Wildcats in the kitchen. At first, he was met with some distasteful looks and words (most of which from Chad). With the help of Kelsey, and her neutral party, Ryan fits in smoothly with the other teenagers, eventually giving the WildCats all dance lessons.

Throughout the movie, the main conflict continues to be the internal conflict of Troy Bolton. He debates over and over again if he should go through with Sharpay’s shenanigans, or if he wants to “listen to my own heart.” This of course involves Gabriella, as she is Troy’s love interest. She’s not in the second film except for the beginning, then, where she leaves in the middle of the film - in order to create angst for Troy - then when she shows up again in the finally to sing/rejoin Troy.

The conflict in the second film is the combining of Troy’s two worlds. His first - his main world in the first movie, that hence became his secondary world - which is represented by Chad. Then his secondary world - which becomes his main world in this movie - which is represented by Ryan. Chad represents Troy’s masculinity, or his more idealized version of himself. Ryan represents Troy’s femininity or his current version of reality. These two worlds collide in the iconic song “I don’t dance”.

Since this movie - and hence this scene - came out in the early 2000’s, a lot of the innuendoes went over people's heads. Luckily, as the children who watched this movie grew older and more experienced, and the world became more accepting, we’re able to see this song for what it is.

Before getting into the lore and symbolism of the iconic “I Don’t Dance” sequence, context is needed. For most of human history, homosexuality was seen as a sin in all places except ancient times (see: Greece and Japan). The modern age is the most accepting on all fronts, such as sexual orientation, race, and religion. In the early 2000’s, High School Musical director Kenny Ortega was not publicialy out yet. He wouldn’t be till 2014.

Originally, while writing this, my first thought was that Kenny - the director - would be using Troy as a y/n type character to project his insecurities and struggles with masculinity, and what that means in defining his orientation and societal views that would be placed upon him. Then, it came to me later that this is in fact not the case, Troy (and Gabriella - who is in fact a y/n character for the female audience) is more of a character for a man of his time, confused with his own ideals of masculinity and the views of society because, “oh god, I can��t like theater/drama because only queer people and girls like it!” The second point is pushed further with the Troy and Sharpay sub-plot. Sharpay tries to further Troy’s career as a basketball player, though that’s not what he wants anymore, and Troy is no longer sure if that is what he ever wanted to begin with (enter the song “Bet on it” and the hilarious meme “no dad, I’m giving up on your dream”).

Keeping these things in mind - Kenney’s queerness, and Troy’s struggle to realize you can in fact sing and be a heterosexual, wow, revolutionary - it became clear to me that Kenney’s y/n characters were Ryan and Chad.

For those who aren’t into the arts, or find them too difficult after a singular attempt thinking they could write a world class novel on the first go, let me be the first to tell you every author has a y/n character. First, for those who don’t know what y/n stands for, it’s a popular fanfiction trope where a writer will write a story about a character dating, being friends, and so on, with the reader. The y/n stands for “your name” so anyone can be the main character in this story at any time. For a writer of mainstream fictional work, such as High School Musical, Game Of Thrones, Lord Of The Rings, Pride and Prejudice, Harry Potter, Hunger Games, even most comics. Now, most writers or directors aren’t going to be as obvious as having a character not named (or named y/n) or even named Jane (looking at you Jane Austin), the y/n character of many mainstream authors/directors/comic artists and so on is usually the character they feel or have given the most attributes similar to themselves.

It’s the same reason people have favourite characters. You see a fictional character and you either 1. Want to Bob the Builder them, 2. Some sort of weird sex thing, or 3. See more/the most of yourself in this character. Number three - thankfully - is usually the main reason. Some people just create their own favourite characters. An even easier way to think about this, is just projection baby, that’s psych 101.

Before I went off on a small tangent of fictional works and how human emotion plays into creating them (except anything Disney has made in the past decade, and no you can’t change my mind on that) I mentioned that Chad and Ryan are Kenney’s y/n characters. As a queer person myself, it’s clear for me to see the different struggles each of these characters face and how these reflect the queer experience.

So, let’s finally get into it.

Ryan, without it being explicitly said is clearly a character of what people in the early 2000s think a gay man is. He is effeminate, wearing bright coloured outfits with lots of accessories - namely his signature hats - he is also in the theater department doing musicals, and passive/subservient to any of his twin sisters' wills. Yes, now we know gay men aren’t just feminized men, but in the early 2000’s a gay man who can do "masculine" things like change their car oil, like sports, and so on, break the "effeminate" stereotype thus confused many cishet people. Sharpay is painted as more confident - or, for sake of comparability - masculine to her twin in the first movie, and most of the second movie. Making Ryan a bit of her dog who would do anything to get by - painting Ryan as lesser than human, once more, playing into the homophobia of the early 2000's.

Despite the clear stereotypes playing into his character, Ryan is consistently one of the most confident characters in the movie. The other, being his sister of course. This confidence in himself is what gravitates the other characters towards him, either by being intimidated (Troy, thinking Ryan and Gabriella were a thing), or admiration (Chad, by the end of “I don’t dance”).

Chad, on the other hand, is a whole different ball game. While he is confident in the first movie, and the first portion of the second movie, he begins to break more and more when Ryan becomes a more integral part of the Wildcat group. To keep in mind, Chad is also the most vocal about his distaste for Troy’s artistic past-time. When the other Wildcats join Ryan and begin learning how to dance for the talent show at the end of the movie, Chad is also the most vocal about his distaste. The baseball game where “I don’t dance” takes place, is the climax of Chad’s arc and his turn towards acceptance to Ryan/Troy’s hobbies.

Of course, there is more to the “I don’t dance” sequence than just Chad’s realization - the exact one Troy comes to terms with in the second movie as well - of “oh my god I don’t have to be gay to enjoy stereotypical ‘feminine’ things.” That is the main part of the song though, that and all the sexual tension.

Going back to what I’ve stated previously, Chad and Ryan are Kenney’s projection or y/n characters. Let me do a small recap before we get into the nitty gritty of the famous “I don’t dance” video.

Thinking back to the first few paragraphs, I stated that Kenney wasn’t publicly out till 2014, about 7 years after the second movie came out. This could be due to the fact that a) it’s the early 2000’s and everyones still very homophobic, or b) self-doubt that comes with the queer experience. The most likely reason is a mixture of both of these. Because of this, Ryan is the more self-assured version, or idealized version of Kenney that he wants to be. Ryan is confident, never being swayed about his lifestyle (could be read as: sexuality) even though Chad - and most of the wildcats in the first movie - put him through relentless “teasing” and humiliation. He’s confident, almost to a fault, he’s sure of himself, and yet still reaches out a hand to Chad and the other wildcats to show them that they’re just being, kinda dick-ish.

Every queer person wants to be Ryan. Despite his heavily stereotyped characterization, I personally believe he is one of the stronger written characters in the movies, mainly due to Kenney putting the time in to really make Ryan feel like a real person, to give himself some sort of relief of his own anxieties, a chance to see the world through a person who truly has no fear. Unlike Kenney himself.

This is where Chad comes in.

Chad is seen as “confident” in the first movie, the second Troy “leaves” basketball though, all that confidence comes crashing down. His best friend has another hobby - one he thinks is “not right” (it’s okay, you can say gay), - they wont be spending all their time together (first, can you say dependent relationship much, yikes).Chad’s defining characteristic up until their fight that instigate act three of the second movie, is being Troy’s best friend. I’m going to take this as if this were truly the case, and not a decently written character arch. Some people base themselves around their friends and their whole identity on being a friend, that they lose sight of themselves, this mainly in high school of course, when your whole world is really nothing but school, and friends. Newly developed independence is there, but that’s scary, so instead of worrying about the future, cling to something that’s reliable. I’ve seen this happen, mainly at the end of high school, when the “real world” is coming a bit too close for comfort. This could generally be the case if a person is lonely, but for timeline sake I’m going to say Chad has got some anxiety about graduating (considering the second movie takes place the summer of junior year).

His lashing out at Troy’s hobbies and at Troy’s neglectful friendship, make more sense with that background, and are seen more in the second movie where Troy begins spending all his spare time with Sharpay (trying to collect that BAG!). Chad - and others (read: father) - insists that music is not a feasible career option, and Troy should just stick with basketball (like...that is a feasible career option). The tension Chad creates in the studio only grows when the other wildcats decide to take up Ryan’s offer for dance lessons and move from the kitchen, to helping out with the talent show. (Next essay idea: how high school musical two was really about class all along, cause Jesus).

Chad is the less obvious option for a y/n character. Though again, the 2000’s were not as cool people like to pretend they are. Chad - for Kenney - represents what he actually feels, this fear of being rejected for how he is and how he chooses to live his life/lifestyle, so he sticks to something reliable. Ryan is new, and exciting, and confident in a way that Kenney/Chad wish they could be, but in order for that to happen they need to understand that maybe people are complex creatures, and can enjoy multiple hobbies (aka: the same lesson Troy is teaching the viewers, but far less boring). But, for Kenney/Chad facing that thought and that realization is scary, and thus, they lash out at anyone (read this paragraph as: Chad mad jealous of Ryan cause Ryan bomb as fuck).

All this build up, finally comes ahead in the employee baseball match

******

The baseball game is probably the most memorable scene in the whole High School Musical franchise (minus Sharpay’s “Fabulous” solo, but that’s also from the same movie, and it’s kinda rude to give what’s already the best more points); the tension in the scene, and what it implies makes it the best written segment of all three movies, let alone the most entertaining.

Some things to keep in mind from our background information: Chad is missing his bestie and struggling with what being “masculine” really means for him and others. Ryan of course makes this confusing, because the traditional method is being thrown out the window. In short, Chad has internalized homophobia, and Ryan being open - or as open as Disney would let him - is causing all sorts of problems.

Despite the song, “I don’t dance” being logged into our collective skulls for all eternity (you’re probably humming it right now, sorry about that), the very brief interaction of Ryan and Chad before the game is lost on the public consciousness. The two are clearly comfortable with each other, though the distaste seems to be on Chad’s side more than Ryans. So, the two start playfully jabbing at each other before deciding to do a bat toss to see who will be in the outfield first.

Before they begin the bat toss, Ryan says “You don’t think dancing takes some game?” Chad then very clearly checks him out, doing a simple but effective ‘drag-your-eyes-over-them-top-to-bottom-then-smile’ and says “you got game?” (Seen in gif below)

I don’t know how much you know about sex metaphors and how many of those baseball has in it (seriously though, it’s a lot), but with the bat toss, Ryan’s hand ended up on top, and Chad’s under Ryan’s. Let’s ignore this for now, it’ll be implied again later. Ryan’s team starts out in the outfield because he won the bat toss, and hence, the song officially starts.

The first lyrics (ignoring the chores of “hey batter batter, hey batter batter, swing”) is

I'll show you that it's one and the same

Baseball, dancing, same game

It's easy

Step up to the place, start swingin

This part is sung by Ryan, who is taunting Chad out in the outfield. Before the game, as stated, Chad was taunting Ryan about his lack of “game” (both sexual and not sexual metaphor are implied), and now, Ryan has turned those tables around. Baseball - is seen as more masculine than dancing, not as masculine as football or basketball, but it’s up there. Chad is someone who cares about his masculinity, enough to the point that Ryan playing baseball makes him loose his mind. Makes him question his own personal definition of masculinity, if you will.

Ryan says, “baseball, dancing, same game,” impyling that, to him, baseball and dancing are one and the same. That is baffling to Chad, cause well, how can something meant for girls even be close to something meant for boys.

Chad comes back with:

I wanna play ball now, and that's all

This is what I do

It ain't no dance that you can show me, yeah

This only proves my previous point.

I had a conversation with myself about this, and I’ve decided not to include it in this essay, but a second essay may or may not be possible. Basically the premise - the dancing/”musical” moments of High School Musical are conjured up images by those meant to see them (ie: like a visual hallucination, but, not really) but this scene kinda poo-poos that idea.

Now, the thing I am talking about is Ryan and Chad’s peacocking at each other during the time they sing these lyrics. The movements they’re making could be mistaken for dancing - as we automatically assume it is because of the title and themes of the movie - or it could be them just getting ready for the baseball game. Ryan swings his leg over the pitcher's mound, tossing the ball up and down into his glove, making wavy hand gestures, etc. Chad brushes off his gloves, swings his legs, hits the bat on each foot, and so on.

For the peacocking, Chad makes a mock of the ballerina foot stance before strutting over to the home plate. Ryan laughs at this, which earns quite the smirk from Chad himself (see gif below).

This is when it becomes a conversation.

You'll never know - R

Oh I know - Ch

If you never try - R

There's just one little thing - Ch

That stops me every time, yeah - Ch

Come on - Ch

When Chad says “Come on” it’s when Ryan throws the baseball at him, starting the game, and giving Chad’s team their first strike of the game (get it, it’s funny). Now, obviously we need to talk about the “there’s just one little thing that stops me every time.” As a queer person, I assure you, two of the things that kept me from living my Best Life were 1) my own ignorance of what asexuality was and 2) the fear that everyone I love would hate me for who I am, and what I have no control over.

Sorry to get deep like that on main, but, can any other queer person say different? Obviously, your first point may differ, but my point still stands. In the video/scene there is a very short moment (to which I have condensed into a gif for you all, you’re welcome, and I’m sorry about the quality in advance), of the camera moving over to Chad’s team (or his friends in this case since it’s an employee baseball game) as he says this line (gif below).

I will not be explaining the use of subtly in this essay, but I’m sure you get the metaphor Kenney is trying to use. If not, let me spell it out for you in very simple words. This song has a lot of sexual innuendos (as mentioned pervious with the baseball bat scene and still, more to come), with that in mind, and clearly queer themes at play (as mentioned before, again), this scene only shows Chad isn’t as straight as he leads on. His fear/phobia of Ryan/the arts come from a much deeper place.

In shorter, and much simpler terms: Chad queer.

But, let’s get back to the boy's conversation.

I don't dance - Ch

I know you can - R

Not a chance, no - Ch

If I could do this, well, you could do that - R

Translation: “If I can do this weird, sweaty, dirty, Male thing without blowing a fuse, you can and should be able to dance just fine.”

But I don't dance - Ch

Hit it out of the park - Both

I don't dance - Ch

I say you can - R

There's not a chance, oh - Ch

Slide home, you score, swingin on the dance floor - Both

I don't dance, no - Ch (This is just the chores, you’ll see it multiple times throughout the essay, I just figured if the song is going to be in your head, go all the way right).

Two-steppin, now you're up to bat - R

Bases loaded, do your dance - R

Here we are with the baseball metaphors you’ve all been waiting for ladies and gentlemen. Girls, gays, and non-binary pals. For those who have somehow managed a sheltered existence with access to the internet, lemme help you. Ryan is talking about “loaded bases” both in the context of the game (where it shows each base has one person from Chad’s team on them) and in the term of sex. While you go out there dating - while it’s mostly douche bags and people using it ironically - your nosey friends may ask you how far you got.

“First, second, or third base?” They may ask. Or something like, “oh wow, did you get to home plate/base?” These are simply the rankings of the stages of a sexual relationship. First - kissing, sometimes just handholding, Second - making out, some light groping, Third - full on groping, no clothes come off, but it gets close. While each person has different boundaries, these are the general accepted definitions for the bases.

Home base is obviously full blown sexual intercourse. Since Chad has his “bases loaded” it means he’s done all these things before, just never gone completely to sexual intercourse with someone - in the terms of the song and the history we’ve already established, it’s most likely a male character. This is only proven by Chad’s uncomfortable nature towards Ryan (internalized Homophobia, thank you, returning theme) but his easy, and cocky personality towards everyone else. “bUt thAt DoEsnT pRovE” hush, that’s the final cherry on top. Remember this conversation.

It's easy - R

Again. Previous points have been made.

Take your best shot, just hit it - Ch

I've got what it takes, playin my game - Ch

So you better spin that pitch - Ch

You're gonna throw me, yeah - Ch

I'll show you how I swing - Ch

Ah, the famous “I’ll show you how i swing” a very strong baseball metaphor for everyone. Keeps queer people from defining themselves to dangerous (straight) people, and, well, that’s it actually. This term is mostly used by bi/pan people, though if you want to stay in the closet or are in a dangerous place, it is also used to subtly tell other queer people you are in fact, not straight. My favourite is when this term came into play when President Buchanan got elected in 1856 (for those that don’t know, he’s the first and only gay president).

You'll never know - R

Oh I know - Ch

If you never try - R

There's just one little thing - Ch

That stops me every time, yeah - Ch

This is again, the same lyric as before it doesn’t pan, and the tone is much different. The camera stays on Chad as he says this line, meaning he’s reflecting, he is now his own problem, the person that is keeping him back. His friends are not on his mind anymore, which is good, Ryan’s Gay Propaganda has been working.

Come on - Ch

I don't dance - Ch

I know you can - R

Not a chance, no, no - Ch

If I could do this, well, you could do that - R

But I don't dance - Ch

Hit it out of the park - R

I don't dance - Ch

I say you can - R

There's not a chance, oh no - Ch

Slide home, you score, swingin on the dance floor - Both

I don't dance, no - Ch

Lean back, tuck it in, take a chance - R

Swing it out, spin around, do the dance - R

I wanna play ball, not dance hall - Ch

I'm makin a triple, not a curtain cal - Chl

I can prove it to you til you know it's true - R

'Cause I can swing it, I can bring it to the diamond too - R

You're talkin a lot, show me what you got - Ch

Again, like the beginning of this song, this is a heavy base for flirting and sexual tension, which this song is drowning in.

Stop swinging - both

Hey - both

This is the part where they all start a flash mob in the middle of the baseball diamond. Again, alluding to the conversation I had to myself earlier, this only proves my own theory as no one takes notice of this. But, that’s not this essay, this is where I mention how close Chad and Ryan are at the end of the group dance.

Come on, swing it like this - both

Oh, swing - both

Jitterbug, just like that - both

That's what I mean, that's how you swing - both

You make a good pitch but I don't believe - both

Here is yet another (and the final) sexual innuendo. This is actually a rather quick one. Pitching in queer culture is considered the person who tops (because queer people even had to straight-ify their sex lives to “top” and “bottom”), this is the person who is giving, if you know what I’m saying.

I say you can - R

I know I can't - Ch

I don't dance - Ch

You can do it - R

I don't dance, no - Ch

Here is where that mosh pit ends, and how they get a little too close to comfort.

Nothing to it, atta boy, atta boy, yeah - both

The rest of this song is simply a mash-up of the baseball game being finished, and this lovely gem.

Now, clearly, Chad’s self conscious nature towards his sexuality is gone, he’s sitting close - if not squishing - Ryan, and talking to him like they’ve been friends forever. Take note of the change of close, most likely due to all the tension at the end of the song, and maybe a little of Chad’s own natural human curiosity built in. Now, I leave you with this note:

If there is anything that confirms all this more, its Chad’s girlfriend wearing the pride colours.

Also note: this could also be seen as a friend helping his bro discover his sexuality and fighting internalized homophobia, but, that’s ignoring the sexual tension, so go off I guess.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

Watch the full thing here

#high school musical 2 #ryan and chad #do they have a ship name?#troy bolton #high school musical #the original not the remake or whatever the kids have now #ryan evans #chad danforth #Sharpay evans #troy x gabriella #ryan/chad #that baseball scene #yall know what i'm talking about #i don't dance #the gayest scene ever #and gayest song #Anyways: the series #should I write that second essay?#thanks for coming to my ted talk

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anne-but-cooler · 2 years

Text

unlabeled

tommy judd x reader

warnings: fluff, coming out to a friend, gn pronouns, light cursing, slurs?? (commie & queer) summary: the reader comes out to a friend as pan but defines themselves as unlabeled

"What are you doing? You can't be here." Tommy, y/n's best friend warned them as he climbed over the gate to the entrance of the school. "That's why I'm standing outside, idiot." They commented, watching him roll his eyes. "So what are you doing here and why did you make me come out here, it's freezing!" He shivered as he said the last part, making y/n laugh quietly. "Can we go on a walk?" "What? No, we cannot go on a walk. Do you know what Fowler will do if he catches us?" He was so worried about being caught, it made her a bit sad that he didn't think about freedom more often at the school. "But it's important," they begged, making him give in and pull them up over the gate with him. They walked as quietly as they could to a bench in the outdoor area.

Y/n grabbed onto his hand as they both sat there for a moment before he turned to look at them. "What's wrong?" "You know how we were talking about Guy the other day and how he's gay," Tommy nodded his head, "and how I myself may also be a bit gay. But lesbian because that's how that works." Tommy smiled, "yes, I do remember that. What about that?" "Well I see the way that he's treated here for being that way. And hell! That one boy hung himself for being himself." Y/n yelled, oblivious to the fact that anyone could hear them. "I know it's infuriating and sad and everything Y/n, but you need to quiet down!" Y/n stood up from the seat, as Tommy looked at them inquisitively. "Tommy, don't you get it! I'm gay! But I'm straight. If you had a good personality and you were a potato chances are I would probably like you too!" "What do you mean?" Y/n sighs hard and sits back down next to him. "I don't know, Tommy. I don't want to be treated differently because of this. That's why I'm coming out to you and only you." "Not Guy?" "No, not Guy. You know he has a bigger mouth than he let's on." "And you trust me to tell this to?" "Well who's going to believe a commie anyways?" They laughed, slightly elbowing his arm. "Hey! At least say I'm a smart commie." He smiled, doing the same back to y/n. "Yes okay, smart commie." They sat there again in the silence again for a moment before y/n looked over to Tommy. "It's called unlabeled. "What?" He asked. He had zoned out before they spoke to him again. "Me, I'm unlabeled." "Isn't that a label calling yourself that?" He questioned, raising an eyebrow. "No, it's not. Think of it as a void name. There's nothing actually there. Like a tape label on a glass bottle but it has nothing there because it's unlabeled." Y/n explained to him.

"Ah yes, hello void how are you today?" He joked, looking the complete opposite direction from where y/n was standing. "Hey, at least you don't have to say 'the commie and the queer' now it's just 'the commie only has queer friends'" "I've got other friends than you and Guy." He defended himself. "Oh yeah, like who?" He didn't answer. "That's what I thought."

"It's getting late. Later than usual. I appreciate that you told me and only me this important thing about yourself but I must go. Until next time, y/n." He smiled tipping his imaginary hat onto of his head. "Love you, Tommy." They smiled back, getting up from the seat, making sure no one was around. They made it to the gate, climbing over before running off to go home.

#another country #colin firth #another country imagine #tommy judd #tommy judd x reader #tommy judd imagine #colin firth imagine #another country 1984 #colin firth x reader

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illyaana · 3 years

Text

Cursive Ink - Yamaguchi Tadashi

Collab: Pain Tolerance by @haikyutiehoe

Thanks for making this collab, hun! the idea of pierced and/or tatted anime characters got me squealing~! Do check out the other works involved in the collab in the link up there~

Tags: Yamaguchi's POV, Angst, Fluff, Yamaguchi x Tattoo Artist! Reader, Binaural

Synopsis: Love never really goes the way we plan it to be - and Yamaguchi was no exception. His failed confession to his former best friend left him heartbroken. However, his decision to go to a tattoo parlour may have been the best (and craziest) choice he's ever made in his life. (I also believe Yamaguchi is pansexual, so don't get so confused XD)

Word Count: 2552

A bit of context: In Japanese, 'Yama' means mountain, 'Tsuki' means the Moon

⋯⋯ ⫍ Masterlist ◍ Navigation ⫎ ⋯⋯

Want to get a personalized drabble about your love life with an anime character you like? Check out my 50 followers event's post here! You can choose any character from BNHA, Haikyu!!, AOT, JJK and Kuroko no Basketball <3

“Yamaguchi, no,” Tsukishima said, pulling his hand away from my hand.

“Why are you lying to yourself? I know you feel the same way, Tsuki - don’t lie to yourself.”

“I don’t, Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima said, eyes turning cold, “I am not gay - I am a straight, heterosexual male. I love women and women only.”

Lies.

You are lying to me.

You are in love with me.

You are already mine, Tsuki - just wake up and see it.

I know you can.

what was that kiss under the tree when we were kids?” I whispered, not wanting my voice to break, “If you never loved me, why kiss me, Tsuki?”

“We both agreed that it was a mistake, didn’t we?” The blonde male said, anger rising, “We both agreed - not just me.”

I said yes - I know I did.

That doesn’t mean I meant it.

You know me, Tsuki - I’ll agree to everything you’ll say.

Why aren’t you realising it?

I’ve waited for so many years for you to ask me out, but you never did.

I’m here, right in front of you, asking you to be mine - just say yes.

I don’t want to wait anymore - it’s too painful.

“I lied, okay?!” I scream, “I loved you ever since we were kids, Tsuki. I want to be the one you come back to when you leave, the only one you kiss, the only one you hug, the only one you dream about - I want to be that to you. Is that so hard to believe?!”

I hugged myself, not wanting to break down anymore.

That small hug was the only thing stopping me from letting all hell break loose.

I had kept this in ever since I knew Tsuki - ever since he saw him in that park.

I knew everything about the tall male. The way he smiles, the way he hides his anger when he wants to be respectful, his secret love for dinosaurs, his soft side, his small quirks - I knew it all like the back of his hand.

I knew what he needed to be the middle blocker’s lover, and I was willing to sacrifice myself to be the best thing for Tsuki.

One thing was clear in my head; Tsuki felt the exact same way.

“Yamaguchi, I’m sorry. I don’t love you the way you want me to,” Tsukishima said, kneeling beside the green-haired male.

“I don’t believe that.”

I forced his lips on Tsukishima’s.

I closed my eyes, trying to memorise how the lines of his soft and pale lips felt on his - how it softly caressed my lips without even responding to the intimate kiss I was trying to initiate.

I felt Tsukishima trying to push me away, but I didn’t let go of the male’s collar.

He already took my first kiss - what is the difference if I took another?

The second our lips left each other’s, Tsukishima punched my nose.

Blood dripped from my nose, but I couldn’t care less.

“Don’t you fucking call me Tsuki ever again, dumbass. Better yet, don’t call me.”

My last day of high school ended with blood and tears, but the pain in my heart from losing my best friend hurt more.

⁜

I stared at the stars, lying down in the little treehouse we made as kids in my backyard.

I tried to cry it all out, but I couldn’t.

I feel cheated by you, Tsukishima Kei.

You made me make you my everything.

My voice was tuned to calm you down.

My hands we moulded to keep you warm.

My life was made to keep you safe, but you don’t need me to be you.

But I do - I need you to be me.

One-sided crushes are the worst form of love, aren’t they?

You give it all for that one person - to please and cherish them.

They just think it’s just a form of showing how strong your friendship is, but you want more.

You are the only one who wants more.

You are the one crying at night about how you wished they were by your side.

You are the one craving for their touch.

You want them, but they don’t want you.

I don’t care about you bruising my face, Tsukishima-san.

I care about you fucking me up like this.

I will no longer wait for your messages.

I will no longer look at your tweets and be the only one giving reactions.

I will erase you from my narrative, Tsukishima-san.

You can wonder about how much you’ve hurt me when I have reached somewhere you can’t even touch me.

⁜

“You are absolutely sure about this, right?” Hinata said, worry laced in his words.

I open the doors to the tattoo parlour and I was instantly mesmerized. The walls were filled with such intricate designs - sizes ranging from as small as a finger to as big as my whole body. The smell of fresh ink slowly hit me, reminding me of my schooling years.

“I am sure, Hinata. I was planning to do this ever since I was small, either way. I just wished it was under better circumstances,” I reply, eyes locked on all the flower motifs.

I always wanted a tattoo - it didn’t matter how big or small it was. I always thought of how beautiful the idea was - to have something permanently inked on your skin to remind you of who you were. Flowers drew with such hidden meaning, curved lines speaking words of poetry, ideas brought into life - tattoos are an artist’s masterpiece meant to paint on my skin as a canvas.

“Do you want me to stay? I don’t mind waiting here with you - “

“Weren’t you supposed to meet up with Kageyama later today?” I remind him, chuckling.

“That man is late for everything. I think he can handle me coming late for once.”

“I’m seriously okay, Hinata! Go get ready, I’ll send a picture when it’s done,” I say as I push him out of the shop.

“Okay, okay - make sure to send me that picture!” He said as he ran out of the shop.

Why follow me if you’re itching to leave?

“That friend of yours has really bright orange hair - is it dyed or natural?” I hear someone say.

Holy shit, you’re hot.

“Oh - uh- um- It’s natural,” I say, forming some space between us.

Holy shit, you’re hot.

You tied half of your hair in a small bun, showing me the small, intricate designs on your neck. Flowers decorated your soft skin, moving down under your shirt’s sleeve. Small golden piercings decorated your ears. They were encrusted with gems of various colours that shifted under the soft lighting gracing your skin.

You looked so beautiful I couldn’t stop staring.

“So, do you have an appointment?” You asked, breaking my train of thought.

“N- no.”

Stop stuttering, Yamaguchi Tadashi.

“First time, huh?” you smiled, “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. The pain is different for everyone, but I think you can handle it.”

“T-Thanks.”

God, stop stuttering.

“God, you’re cute,” you laughed while looking at my frazzled face, “Don’t worry, my dearest client - you’re in capable hands. Come - let’s discuss your design, shall we?”

You grabbed my wrist and brought me to your corner, leaving me blushed mess.

Cute.

They called me cute.

I’m breathing, right?

Okay, I’m breathing.

As we were walking, I got to see the back of your neck - more specifically, a part of your tattoo.

It was a blossoming rose - a huge one. It had vines that grew from it, encircling your whole neck, moving down your shirt and reaching the tips of your fingers. Smaller roses grew from it, branching even smaller vines surrounded by leaves.

I wanted to know the story behind that tattoo. It looked so beautiful yet so dark. The thorns that came from certain vines alarmed me, but I kept my thoughts to myself. My attention was brought to your piercings - more specifically, the design of the encrusted jewels. They were flowers, as well. In the middle of each jewel held a line of gold that branched out, just like the vines of your tattoo.

“Oh, you’re looking at my tattoo and piercings, aren’t you?” You ask, eyebrow raised.

“Is it okay if I am?” I ask, worried.

You laughed.

“Of course it’s fine. Who would get a tattoo and not prepare for all the staring? Not going to lie, here - these piercings and that tattoo help me fuel my ego. After all, everyone’s staring at them,” you joke, playing with your hair.

You sit on your chair, pointing at the one opposite you.

“What are you waiting for? Sit.”

⁜

“So, you want some small vines surrounding a moon, right?” You ask as you brought out your tablet.

“Yeah, on my middle finger.”

I had enough of his little orders - I’ll twist his words into something much more meaningful. If the Moon isn’t willing to dance with the mountains, let the vines make the Moon feel the mountain’s pain from its rejection.

“That sounds really pretty,” you say, smiling at me, “Give me a minute - I’ll do a rough sketch and you can tell me if it’s to your liking.”

You took out the tablet’s pen tool and began to sketch. I eyed your eyes as you continued to sketch what would be my tattoo.

Thanks to the light from the tablet, I could see a part of another tattoo hidden under your shirt.

It was multiple birds flying across your collarbones, but there was one bird that moved to your neck. It was a smaller bird - much, much smaller. However, its wings were bigger - bigger than the other birds’.

“My family isn’t very appreciative of my more artistic side,” you began, knowing I wanted to know the story behind it.

“I love art - all types of art. Writing, drawing, painting - I loved how you could make a whole new world just with a few lines. My family…” you paused, “As much as they loved me, they couldn’t see a world where I could make a living from it. They tried to throw away this side of me, but the more they pushed it away, the more I needed it.”

You raised your tablet, showing me your sketch.

I loved it.

It was a crescent moon, wrapped in vines. Vines grew both upwards and below, accompanied by stars. Small buds were growing from the ends of the vines, leaves surrounding them.

I don’t know how you did it, but you captured all I felt about him in a few minutes - it astounded me.

“I took a few creative liberties, but-”

“It’s amazing - don’t change it.”

You’re amazing.

You smiled, getting off your chair.

“Head to that room,” you pointed to the smaller room right beside us, “I’ll get all the tools ready.”

⁜

“You ready?” you said, placing the pen right above my middle finger.

Why did I choose my middle finger for my first tattoo? It’s literally right on a bone, it’s going to hurt like hell.

“I guess…” I whisper.

“It won’t be that painful - trust me. People overexaggerate,” you say, trying to calm me down.

People weren’t overexaggerating - it hurt.

It hurt a lot.

I bit my lip, holding back the scream on the end of my lips.

“Hold on,” you said, removing the pen.

You soon came back with candy and began to unwrap it.

“Open your mouth, my liege.”

After chuckling, I opened my mouth and you plopped the sweet in my mouth.

Ooh, mango.

“Focus on the sweet, okay?” You said, patting my back.

It felt less painful, surprisingly. Focusing on the sweet rolling in my mouth helped reduce the pain significantly.

I raised my head slightly so that I could see your intense focus on my finger. You were biting on your lower lip as you slowly moved the pen on my finger, following the temporary tattoo you made earlier as a guide. You were annoyed by a strand of your hair that refused to stay behind on your ear - your anger-filled expression said it all.

Using my other hand, I pushed it behind your ear to help you focus.

A soft thank you came from you as you continued.

Blood rushed to my cheeks the minute those words left your lips.

So cute.

“You didn’t finish your story…” I asked, trying to end the awkward silence.

“It was that interesting to you?” you smiled.

You’re interesting, Y/N.

I nod.

“I asked them if I could draw again. I didn’t want to lose that skill I finetuned all my life - it felt so wrong. They thought I’d never succeed in life if I focused on ‘these useless hobbies’ and shouted at me. I remember crying for hours, but they didn’t care,” you say as you turn off the pen, wiping the tip.

“I began to spend more hours in school just so that I could scribble and draw. They’d never know what I did there - all the drawings I did, all the stories I wrote, all the songs I sang. I am not like my parents. I strayed from the thought of ‘art is useless’- I am the bird moving away from the flock,” you said, turning your chair towards me.

“Why did they hate art? It’s something that makes you happy - If it’s something you like, you should do it,” I said, slightly pissed.

Thank God they didn’t listen to them.

“Best part - they have paintings all over the house,” you snickered.

You sighed, stretching your arms in the process.

“I don’t really care about their opinion about it, anyway. I’m no longer under their wing - I’m my own person. I get money by doing the thing I love, and that’s so fulfilling. The only thing they’re paying for right now is my college education - that’s it,” you said as you pressed a wet cloth to my new tattoo.

“Wait - we’re the same age?”

“Yeah, we are,” you smiled.

“I expected you to be way older,” I say, embarrassed.

“I am utterly offended, sir,” you say, feigning sadness.

“Come on!” I say, laughing.

“I am expecting a tip,” you say, walking towards the door.

You’re amazing, Y/N. I just wish I met you earlier…

⁜

“Well, it was nice meeting you, Yamaguchi Tadashi,” you say, closing the cash register in front of you.

“And I you, my friend.”

I walk to the door, gripping on the door handle.

I want you in my life, Y/N. Even if we spent just a few hours together, you’ve made me so happy. If you are open to the idea, I want to be friends with you - and who knows? We might become something…

I walk back to the cashier.

“Oh, did I forget something?” You ask, worried.

“No, no…”

Come on, say it.

“Hey, wanna exchange numbers? I wanna hang out with you - of course, only if you want to,” you say smiling.

Holy shit.

“Yes, please.”

You held back your laugh the minute you saw my face.

How many times have I made you laugh just by you looking at my face?

“Here’s my number,” you passed me your card, “Message me so that I get your number, too!”

“Okay!” I smile.

Holy shit. I did it.

“See you again, ‘guchi.”

⁜

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inkblotsandpapertrails · 3 years

Text

Out of Sight, Out of Mind [K.H.]

Warnings: None

Pairing: Kaoru Hitachiin x Male Reader

Description: Kaoru gets a love note, and he and Hikaru are eager to play their old game again. You didn’t seem to get the memo.

A/N: this fandom doesn’t give kaoru enough love imo, plus there are hardly any male reader fics, i’m VERY tired of the ‘softboy innocent good-twin kaoru who does nothing wrong ever’ persona the fandom cooked up and i also lowkey wanted to branch out with the type of reader personalities i write so. kaoru oneshot here we goooo-

It was a boy.

That was a little unexpected, Kaoru supposed. He hadn’t even thought there were any out gay guys at Ouran Academy – what with most students coming from old money and traditional parents, the only same-gender relationships anyone ever really saw were the pretend relationships at the Host Club, and those were just carefully scripted fantasies designed to entertain women. Still, there you stood, tugging sheepishly on your blue blazer as you glanced around the courtyard, searching in such a pitiful way Kaoru almost found it cute.

He recognized you, a little. You were in a few of his classes – [Y/N] something. You were decently well-liked, he supposed; you got along with most people, and most people got along with you, but he’d noticed you didn’t really have a group of people you usually hung out with. You just sort of floated from person to person until they got tired of you. It was a trait he and Hikaru had always rolled their eyes and scoffed at – how little self-respect must you have to let yourself be used like that? And yet you’d still put yourself out there and sent him a sappy love note. It was a little intriguing, he supposed, but not enough to make him genuinely interested.

He shot a glance to the bushes that hid Hikaru from view. He didn’t seem too concerned; merely shrugged and nodded in your direction, as if to say, ‘what are you waiting for?’. Kaoru rolled his eyes and sauntered with ease to where you were fidgeting.

“You wrote this?” He asked, holding the note between his index and middle finger. You jumped at the noise and whipped around, your shoulders raised up to your ears. You seemed to relax a little once you realized it was only him, but you still looked stiff and tense. Kaoru tried not to make his grin too obvious. God, this was going to be a fun one.

“Uh – k-kinda.” You said with a sheepish smile. “I, um – I’m probably not what you were expecting, huh?”

Kaoru fought the urge to roll his eyes. The self-pity act. He and Hikaru had seen it countless times from countless girls, a desperate attempt to gain sympathy and lure them into accepting their silly confessions.

“No, but then again, I doubt I’m what you were expecting, either.”

You frowned and cocked your head.

“Oh?”

“I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I’m Hikaru, not Kaoru. You must’ve gotten our desks mixed up.”

You blanched, a look of outright horror crossing your face for a split second before morphing into confusion and – guilt? Hm, that was new. Normally it was just disappointment.

“What?” You mumbled, more to yourself than Kaoru. “But I thought – I was certain I...” You sighed and raked a hand through your hair. “Dammit... I’m so sorry, Hikaru-kun. I didn’t mean to waste your time.”

“I wouldn’t say that.” Kaoru shrugged. He tried not to laugh at how confused you looked, your head tilted and your eyebrows knitted. You let your emotions show so obviously – tearing you apart would be awfully fun. “I was wondering... Would you perhaps be happy going out with me, instead?” You look downright stricken when he says the words, a bright blush rising on your cheeks. If Kaoru strained his ears hard enough, he could hear Hikaru snickering in the bushes. “I’ve always thought you were handsome, [Y/N]-kun, and I know for a fact Kaoru likes someone else. Are you interested at all?”

Your mouth gaped open and shut for a moment before waving your arms frantically, as if you could wipe Kaoru’s words away.

“I – what?!” You asked, voice cracking in your throat. “You’d – you’d do that?”

Kaoru shrugged.

“Of course. Like I said, I do like you.”

“But I-!” You stopped and started your sentence a few times, desperately stumbling over your words. “You’d really be okay with that? Knowing I’m only with you because you remind me of your brother?”

“Remind?” Kaoru said with an amused smirk. “We’re the same person, [Y/N]-kun.”

You looked as if the air had been knocked out of your chest. Your expression was downright horrified, devastated, even. Kaoru almost felt uncomfortable at the sheer pain and sympathy in your eyes.

“I – Hikaru, are you okay?” You said abruptly, completely forgetting the honorific. Kaoru frowned at the question – no one had ever asked it before. You were supposed to be crying and calling them mean and running away so you wouldn’t have to listen to them anymore. What were you doing?!

“I – of course I-“ Kaoru stuttered. It felt like his entire vocabulary had been shoved out of his brain, replaced only by that one question, dripping with sadness and concern – Are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay?

“You’re not the same.” You said fervently, grabbing Kaoru by his shoulders. “Hikaru, I- I know I don’t know you that well, and we rarely talk, but – you have to know you and your brother are different people.”

No, no, they weren’t, they were exactly the same, that was the game, that was how it worked, why weren’t you playing the game?!

Tires crunched over the gravel of the driveway. You jerked your head towards the school gates and cringed.

“That’s my car. Shit. Okay.” You yanked a pen out of your pocket and flipped Kaoru’s hand over, scribbling a number on the back of his palm. “That’s my cell number, um. If you ever want to talk about this, or – I dunno, if you ever want to feel like you, instead of just Hikaru and Kaoru, call me, okay? We’ll play video games or whatever. If you want. You don’t have to.”

You squeezed his hand before letting it go, offering him a small smile.

“Take care.”

You bolted down the courtyard, waving frantically to your driver. You had just reached the doors when you jerked upright and sprinted back to where Kaoru was standing stock-still, yelling a quick apology to your driver, who seemed to be growing increasingly frustrated with your antics.

“One more thing!” You said quickly, your voice a little raspy from running back and forth. “Um – could you not tell Kaoru about this? I kinda promised myself I’d only ask him out once I could tell the two of you apart, and, um – well, you know.” You laughed awkwardly and scratched at your neck. “Anyways, um – bye!”

Kaoru stood in stunned silence as you ran back to your driver, apologizing profusely as you jumped into the backseat. You waved at him as you left. Without even thinking, he waved back. A slow half-wave that barely even counted, in his opinion, but still.

He was snapped out of his trance by a soft punch to his shoulder.

"What the hell happened there?" Hikaru frowned. "You were supposed to play the game!"

Kaoru looked at his brother, unable to force the words out of his throat. He searched everywhere for something that would've given them away - a mark on his face, a wrinkle in his uniform, hell, even just a crumb leftover from lunch, but… Nothing. As always, they looked exactly the same.

And yet, [Y/N] had looked so confused when Kaoru said he was Hikaru...

"I kinda promised myself I'd only ask him out once I could tell the two of you apart…"

"You're not the same!"

"You have to know that you and your brother are different people."

You didn’t mean it. You couldn’t have. No one ever won the ‘Which One Is Hikaru?’ game. You’d believed him when he said he was Hikaru, so you couldn’t tell them apart. But then... Why did you say all those things?

"Kaoru?" Hikaru asked, his frown morphing into a look of concern. "Are you alright? Did he say something to you?! I'll kill him-!"

"It's fine, Hikaru." Kaoru said quietly. "Don't worry about it."

"But - what did-?"

"They just asked me if I wanted to hang out and play video games, that's all." Kaoru huffed, forcing himself to roll his eyes. "He made it out like he wanted to be friends, but I could tell he was trying to hit on me. Still, he never really said he'd be happy with either one of us, so I wasn't sure what to do."

Hikaru furrowed his brow, and Kaoru tried to keep his face neutral. He'd never lied to his brother before, save for when he set him up with Haruhi, but he'd made it fairly obvious that that was the aim of the game. The only reason Hikaru hadn't called him on it was because he wanted to go so badly. This was a real lie, a trick that only Kaoru was in on. He didn't like pulling tricks without Hikaru. He especially didn't like pulling them on Hikaru.

"Alright…" Hikaru said slowly. "If you say so. Are you… Sure? That you're okay?"

Kaoru laughed and wrapped his arms around his brother.

"You're always doing the protective brother thing, Hikaru!"

"Well, I can't help it! You're my baby brother!"

"We're the same age!"

"Two minutes older, excuse you."

"Shut up."

They laugh and joke all the way home, falling into their natural twin swing. Hikaru didn't ask about you, and Kaoru didn't tell. He washed your number off his hand the moment they got home. Some of the ink still clung to his skin, refusing to be swept away. Kaoru glared and scrubbed the cloth against his hand until his skin turned pink and painful. Nevertheless, one stubborn speck remaind. Kaoru hid it under his sleeve. Out of sight, out of mind.

He couldn't sleep. He was used to Hikaru's snoring, but tonight, he just couldn't tone it out. He tried playing on his phone, tapping random apps and sending random memes and cursed images to people in his contacts (Kyoya was the only one who responded. The death threat was colourful and certainly made him laugh, but it didn’t get his mind off of- it didn't make him tired.). After a few hours, Kaoru began to yawn, and he felt his eyelids slipping shut.

02:36, his phone's clock read.

Kaoru blinked.

02:52.

He opened his contacts. Blinked again.

03:09.

He closed his eyes.

"Kaoru!"

He jerked awake.

07:28.

"Wake up, we're gonna be late!" Hikaru called from where he was fixing his tie.

"Coming!"

Kaoru dressed as quickly as he could and rushed out of the room with Hikaru close behind. They were halfway down the stairs when Kaoru jerked to a halt, sending Hikaru crashing into his back.

"I forgot my phone!" Kaoru explained hurriedly as he began sprinting back up the stairs. "Wait for me!"

He ignored Hikaru's groan and ran back to their room. His bedside table was empty, which was strange - he always left his phone there. He vaguely remembered using it last night, when he couldn't sleep, and began stripping the blankets off the bed and flipping his pillows in search for his lost phone. After Hikaru's second yell, he found it, lodged between his bedside table and his bedpost, and was about to rush out of the room when-

New Contact Successfully Added.

Kaoru didn't remember adding anyone.

The spot of ink burned beneath his skin.

He tapped the notification.

[Y/N] [L/N]

The number was the same.

“Kaoru!” Hikaru snapped as he barged back into the room. “What is up with you today?!”

“Huh? Nothing.” Kaoru said quickly, shoving his phone into his pocket before Hikaru could see the screen. “Let’s go.”

He ignored Hikaru’s scoff of ‘about time’ and all but ran to the car. They rode to school in silence - Hikaru was in a sour mood from being late, and Kaoru couldn’t bring himself to speak. He rubbed the ink spot on his skin. It had all but entirely faded now, a pale grey against his skin.

Out of sight, out of mind, he thought bitterly.

What idiot came up with that saying?

#ohshc #ohshc x reader #ohshc x male reader #kaoru hitachiin x reader #kaoru hitachiin #ouran high school host club

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