#it felt weird specifying that in the post because it might come across... weird if that makes sense

[uncanny-tranny]

It's very nice to know that other trans guys have had that first masc haircut (undercut, nothing special, you have no clue how to style the longer hair at the top)

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #nonbinary #I LOST MY PHOTOS OF MY FIRST MASC HAIRCUT :( #it's literally lost media........... this is so fucked up #this one might be more based on white trans guys because i know plenty of non-white trans guys have never had that type of style #it felt weird specifying that in the post because it might come across... weird if that makes sense #if anybody wants to include their own standards and their personal experience with exploring more 'masc' hair in context of... #...culture and race then feel free but i won't speak for you because you. know best. anyway! #i got so lucky with the first hairstylist i had because she knew. she knew what was up. does she know that she's an angel.................. #ngl i haven't had my hair cut in years now and tbh i'm not planning on changing that

[cheesy-poofs]

Why Kyman?

This was a long time coming, so I decided it would be fun to touch upon some of my feelings on this ship Its mostly because its the ship I decided to stick with and I'm not a huge shipper in general. Honestly I didn't ship anything for most of the time I watched the show. Style, Kenman, Bunny, ect. never appealed to me because I thought they would work the same as friends (not that I have anything against those ships). Cartman and Kyle are a different story, though.

These are my feelings as of now, and are always subject to change. This is less of a meta post, and I mostly made it to think through some of my feelings about Kyman and some other ships. I touch upon some controversies lightly. This is not meant to be a discourse post, however.

Well, let's proceed. I wrote this all in one sitting, so its not well-thought out or anything, I might clean it up later or specify things better but in the meantime, I'm posting this raw.

First off, I'll touch upon how I ended up getting into it.

As for when I realized I loved Cartman and Kyle's dynamic a lot, it begun in the episodes "Tonsil Trouble" and later on "Cartman Finds Love" which made me appreciate the humor of the ship. When I finished watching the show, I thought it would be fun to look into the different ships of the fandom and decide what I liked. This actually begun with Candy (Cartman x Wendy) because I enjoyed their episodes and thought they were funny. But something felt like it was missing in that ship; it just didn't feel like there was enough there, and my interest in it was short-lived.

Then I came across my first Kyman fic, and if its not evident, I ended up really liking that fic...and reading a ton more Kyman fanfics and falling deeper into this ship. I don't read fanfics anymore because a lot of them don't quite capture the characters in a way I enjoy, but it did lead to me obsessing over Kyman and rewatching most of the episodes about them.

Then I made this account. I lurked on here for a while but I think I started actually posting on Stan/Trey's birthday. I was happy to see a lot of other people who still enjoyed Kyman, let alone South Park. I didn't touch social media during my first binge of the show, save YouTube or sometimes Pinterest. I also had no friends who liked South Park at the time, which was part of the reason I made a Tumblr in the first place. I wanted somewhere I could actually see people who were as obsessed as I was/am.

This was when I learned that Kyman was controversial. Honestly, I never thought of Kyman as "Nazi x Jew" because I didn't define them as characters purely based upon that. I never really saw Kyman as a wholesome ship either, but I kind of liked that aspect because its a fucked up relationship on both ends. They're just fictional characters who often do really fucked up things because apart of South Park's humor is kids doing things they normally don't do. That's why I roll my eyes at people trying to argue which ships are "abusive" or not because it doesn't matter. They're not real. You can have distaste for ships or be uncomfortable with Kyman because of the nature of the ship, that's fine. But its really not as bad as people make it out to be; not inherently.

Recently, I've reconsidered my feelings about Cartman, but that doesn't ruin Kyman for me because, at the end of the day, I ship them purely for fun. I don't take this show that seriously. I also don't get people trying to argue that Kyman is less tropey than other ships because its honestly just typical "Enemies to Lovers" (which isn't a bad thing, but let's be honest with ourselves, its a huge fandom trope). I have no issues with people shipping Style even if its not my thing, and I'll admit a lot of Kyman shippers have this weird superiority complex. I probably used to, but I try not to come off that way anymore. When I say Kyman is the most interesting ship to me I try to make it clear that its only my very subjective opinion. I'm biased because its the first ship I latched onto, and I still enjoy it a lot and find comfort in it.

So to summarize some of my current feelings; I think Cartman is (obviously) a horrible person, and I think people try too hard to soften him up or make excuses for his actions. I enjoy people going over why Cartman is the way he is now, yes, and I think Cartman is a really damaged kid and I get sympathetic of him sometimes myself. He's my favorite for a reason, he wouldn't be the same character if he wasn't awful. But even if I've been a bit of a "Cartman apologist" myself, I've come to accept that he will likely always be awful, and that's fine; that's by design, that's his purpose in the show, and I love him for it. I think people feel guilty for liking Cartman when there's no reason to, just because you like him doesn't mean you're okay with his actions. There might be some dumbasses who idolize Cartman, but they probably shouldn't be watching South Park anyway. Let's not forget what kind of show this is:

I don't like it when people try to exclude Cartman either, because South Park would be nothing without him. I think about "The Death of Eric Cartman" a lot and how it shows that the boys could leave him anytime, and Kyle even admits that he knows Cartman thrives off attention (ironic since Kyle tends to give him a lot of attention, its a big reason why Cartman is so obsessed with him). My point is that the boys still choose to hang out with him despite it all, because they actually don't hate Cartman completely. Yes, they do sometimes, and they'll obviously say that they don't care about him, but often their actions show the opposite. Either way, he's a very significant part of the show, and I do not want to see the sanitized show other fans want this to be.

I don't think Kyle is quite as bad as Cartman (however I would argue Cartman, Stan, and Kyle are all huge assholes and deserve each other). Regardless, it won't stop me from shipping Kyman because I purely like the way they work off of each other, and I personally only care about Kyle when he's paired with Cartman. That's why Kyman is my only Kyle ship.

I thought this post would end up being longer, but I think I touched upon most of my thoughts. Remember, this isn't exhaustive, nor is it definitive. I essentially try to look at Kyman from a neutral perspective, acknowledging both of their faults while also not taking it too seriously, especially given what show we're watching. They're both interesting, layered, and morally questionable characters with a lot of episodes I really like. That's the gist of it.

#kyman #eric cartman

[alittledizzy]

Dizzy, I feel like I need your levelheadedness a bit rn... so that tweet, huh? Idk, I'm trying to look at it as sth not in a vacuum, his main is the least serious of all of his accounts and often he says things just to be a meme (plus that "lying" likes he just did), but it all feels weird. I feel like I've been witnessing a gradual progression of what they're willing to show us of their relationship the last few months and someone pulled a rug from under me and I'm all disoriented. Could be a play on words as well (we know Dream doesn't identify as gay) but I feel like I'm grasping at straws... do you have any thoughts?

I think feeling disoriented over it is a natural response - but here are my thoughts. They might be a little scattered too but my brain is just in that phase of taking in information and processing.

First thought: The progression of what just happened: he snapped pictures of him literally in the closet, then made that tweet, then liked a few responses saying he was lying. Which ties into...

Second thought: The tweet is also on his main account. Like you said, it's the least serious account, if you scroll through the only serious thing he's tweeted in half a year is 'merry christmas' - everything on there is a troll. Considering what the quote retweets look like, I think he's just written the account off and puts things there he doesn't feel like are a serious announcement or that he doesn't really want factored into the smaller audience of his genuine fanbase. Not that his fanbase doesn't see them but it's like - if he's talking to his people he has other accounts for that. That doesn't mean he didn't put it out there because some part of him felt like it would make him/George feel better to say, just that he also didn't want to say it in a way that didn't leave room for doubt. It's serious enough to be serious unless you know him and the context in which it's an automatic side-eye. Which leads to... Third thought: If the tweet had any serious elements to it, I think it's entirely likely it would be a kneejerk reaction to people telling the Spanish speaking streaming community that dnf is real and perhaps that being too much too fast for them - particularly George, who doesn't want anyone to know anything about him. Having come through the fires of Dan and Phil fandom, even if they were soft launching because they were happy in a new relationship and wanted to share, sometimes the journey of sexuality and relationships are one step forward, two steps back.

Especially if you're George and guard your personal information fiercely, especially if you're Dream that is terrified of putting himself out there with a label that might be 'wrong' and therefore doesn't want to definitively say he's anything.

Dream's comfort level is in eliminating what he's not (I'm not gay, I'm not straight) not in specifying what he is.

George's comfort level is posting a snapchat where he shows you has a smoothie and that's really the most you need to know about him as far as he's concerned.

So suddenly having people you want to be friends with addressing you and your relationship with complete sincerity when you haven't even had a chance to get comfortable with a soft launch amongst what you consider 'your' demographic might definitely cause a scurry of steps backwards. I'm a truther because it's fun and fandom is about having fun and enjoying the complexities of people and their dynamics. So I think about Dan and Phil, I think about people that go to great lengths to tie their lives and futures together. Buying a house, moving across the world, making sure everyone knows loud and clear this is your person - that can co-exist with fear and hesitation and not knowing how the world will accept you and not being sure if you want to leave the safety net you've made for yourself. So I guess a big part of me looks at this situation and thinks... seeing them work their way back up to comfort is gonna be so fun.

#anon asks #dnf asks

[the-present-is-a-gift-au]

Chapter 26: In Which Darkrai Asks a Question

Twig sent back a note that she had some loose ends to tie up before she could visit Kip, hoping that the note would buy her some time thanks to how she hadn’t specified a day she’d be coming back to Treasure Town. Ark, confusingly, almost elected to stay home when she ran to the post office to deliver it. She told him she was heading out, and he replied with a distracted hum. Confused, she asked if he wanted to come along, and he seemed to snap awake and rushed after her out the door. He watched everyone and everything with a strange look in his eyes as they made their way through Verdant Village— somewhere between sorrowful longing and bitter anger. Whatever it was in his gaze, it wasn’t the awkward, distant sort of cheerfulness she was used to from him. He wasn’t regarding everything with a wide-eyed awe— it was a narrow sort of scrutiny that didn’t fit on Ark’s face. 

Honestly, he seemed a bit ticked in his distractedness. There were moments he was almost irritable— not enough to truly be called irritable, though, because this was Ark she was talking about. He just seemed a bit… short. Maybe a little snippy in how he responded to her questions about if they had enough food to make it to the next weekday market. Not enough to qualify as rude, but he was colder than usual. 

Weird. She could look past it though. She had her moodier days— he probably was just going through one of his own.

She ignored all of that, but she couldn’t look past him asking her that long-dreaded question as she sorted through the groceries she’d grabbed on the way back from the post office, glad to finally be home. “How long were you planning on keeping this up?”

She set down an oran berry she was examining for bruises, confused. “What the heck are you talking about, man?”

“How long did you intend to lie to me?”

“Dude, I’ve never once lied to…” 

Oh. 

She recognized the chilliness to his tone now, the coldness of his gaze. She recognized the way he postured himself and seemed to take all the light out of the room with his presence. 

It all belonged to Darkrai, of course, and fit so poorly on Ark. 

Suddenly a number of things made sense— the fact that he knew Kip had a cowardly streak, the way he spoke as he asked her about joining Team Venture, even the way that he held himself these past weeks— Darkrai remembered. He remembered, and he was mad. Twig had never once seen him upset. Never ruffled, never perturbed— Darkrai was always calm, always cool, always collected, and never the picture of burning cold rage before her.

She should be terrified. Something in her was definitely cowering at the sight of Darkrai so furious before her, but she managed to hold her ground despite the coward in her begging to run. She was tired. Maybe she was ready to die if it meant she could get some rest.

“Your answer?” He demanded.

She tried to come up with some pacifying response to give him, but could only summon the truth. She was tired. It had been a long time of lying to keep people safe. She had already messed everything up. Why not get some stuff off her chest before she kicked the bucket? “I was going to keep it up as long as it took.”

“You fully intended to keep my past hidden from me, tucked tidily away for all of time?” He loomed over her— or more like he tried to, at least. Twig didn’t back down. 

She gave him a weary glare. “Can you blame me?”

A long, tense silence filled the air. It felt like if she reached out a claw, she could pluck it like a string.

“Are you going to kill me?” She asked.

Conflict flashed across his face. 

“Just get it over with already. I’ve been waiting for this to happen. Might as well get it done after all that waiting.”

“I’m not—”

“Not what?” She spat. “Not the type to get your hands dirty? Too bad. If you leave me alive, I’ll tell Kip and Cresselia— everyone— and we’ll be stuck in the same situation we started in. You’ll face off with us in Dark Crater, I’ll end up cursed or whatever that arm thing you did was, and you’ll end up without your memories again or something. I don’t care. Just get it over with.” Tears pricked at her eyes despite her frustration. “I’m tired. I’m done. I blew the shot I had at keeping everyone safe and getting a friend while I was at it. So kill me.”

Again, that conflict flickered across his features. He scowled and seemed to ready himself to deal that mortal blow… but he vanished instead, melted into the shadows. She could sense he was still in the room, judging by the heavy atmosphere that surrounded him remaining, but he was gone without a visible trace.

Twig got the feeling he didn’t want to talk. Too bad.

“You’ve got the perfect opportunity here, man. It’d be kind of stupid to pass it up when I’m literally telling you to get it over with.”

Silence.

“You’d be doing me a favor, you know,” she murmured.

No answer.

“… How long have you remembered?”

The heaviness in the air crescendoed, and then it lifted. He was gone.

Twig wondered why he left without finishing the job.

#the present is a gift au #pmd explorers #pmd fanfic #pmd fanfiction #pmd eos #pmd fic #pmd2 #pokemon mystery dungeon #pmd sky #pmd

[gins-potter]

Casting Thoughts

Yes, I did a long post when the rumours first dropped but hey now it’s confirmed plus we have characters descriptions, and I’m bored so let’s do this all over again people.  Under the cut because it got long

Sisi Stringer as Rose Hathaway

I said this in my other post but I’m pretty happy with Sisi as Rose.

Visually I think she’s a great fit, I love that they casted a WoC in the main role, and I think if she can bring Rose’s humour and sarcasm to the role, she’s going to do great.

The character description mentions Rose being “fiery and outspoken”, happy to jump into the action, and the strongest fighter in her class but struggling to toe the line, which is all very Rose-esque, especially in the first book.  It sounds to me like they have a good grasp on her character.

I’m a little disappointed we didn’t hear more about Rose as a character since she is the lead - it felt like the descriptions for Lissa and Dimitri both gave us a little more to go on - but it is only a very preliminary description so I’m happy to wait for more.

Daniela Nieves as Lissa Dragomir

Daniele is another one who I was happy with straight away.

She’s probably not what I imagined for Lissa visually but that’s not a bad thing either; I will be interested to see if they dye her hair a lighter colour (like a caramel-blonde) but personally that’s not something I need to see for her to be a great fit for Lissa.

I think she has a very sweet face which works well for a character like Lissa but I think she’s also going to be able to stand up in Lissa’s more fiercer moments which is nice to see as well.

The character descriptions mentions her as being “carefree and kind-hearted” who “coasts” through life until a death in the family thrusts her into a new role.  That sounds a lot like pre-series Lissa so I wonder if we’re going to see a bit of that in the show before Andre (and her parents??) die and see that change.  

It’s curious though that she’s described as the younger sister of the heir apparent - which would be Andre - so it sounds like they’ve changed it so Andre was supposed to be King.  Obviously a deviation from the books but I don’t hate it?  I don’t think it would change Lissa’s arc all that much because obviously she was always going to grow up to be an influential royal figure, this just slightly changes the dynamics of it.

The description also specifically mentions that she’s uninterested in “political machinations” and the “hypocrisy of the moroi royal society” which sounds very accurate to book!lissa as well.

All in all I’m very happy with what they’re doing with Lissa.

Keiron Moore as Dimitri Belikov

This is one who’s really grown on me since the rumoured cast list started circulating.  At first I was kind of eh about him but I can really see him as Dimitri now.

I will be curious to see if he grows out his hair or not though.

As far as I know Keiron is not Russian, there’s not a lot about him online, but there’s some instagram activity on his account linking him to UK based companies so that would be my guess as to where he’s from.  They’ve kept Dimitri’s incredibly Russian name so I guess we’re to assume Keiron might be doing an accent and they’re keeping Dimitri’s backstory relatively the same?  I’m not gonna be super mad if they change it just because I think it’s doable for him not to be Russian (I know, I know a whole book is set in Russia but lbr here they could make him from anywhere and just send Rose there in that book).

The biggest thing for me will be his chemistry with Sisi, Danila and Zoey had great chemistry (imo anyway) which saved the move a little for me, so it’ll be important that Sisi and Keiron do as well.  They’ve interacted a few times online which is cute so I’m hoping they were able to do some chemistry reads and that will translate on screen.

The character description mentions Dimitri as being “lethal, disciplined, discreet, and totally committed” as well as living by “a deep moral code” but with more going on “beneath his stoic, watchful surface” which sounds exactly like book!Dimitri to me.

They don’t really specify what his role at St Vlad’s is going to be but they do mention that he is a guardian so I’m assuming they’re keeping some sort of age gap between him and Rose.  They also don’t mention anything about their relationship in the description, be it student/teacher, platonic, romantic, whatever, but they do say he has “an expansive spirit that could threaten to expose the underlying tension between his sense of what’s right and his formal duty to the Moroi.” which seems like a nod to their relationship.

Andre Dae-Kim as Christian Ozera

This was one of my favourite casting choices from the original rumoured cast list and I still love it.

The idea of a non-white Christian makes a lot of sense to me and I think Andre could do a great job of Christian’s aloofness (in the first book) as well as his sarcasm and growing confidence across the other books.

His character description confuses me a bit though: “Intelligent and thoughtful, Christian is the pariah of the school and royal court, due to his parents’ unforgivable societal sins.” sounds accurate enough to the book (although idk if thoughtful is quite the word I’d use for Christian - maybe they mean it in the sense that he’s quiet and keeps to himself?).

Even “Well-read and hungry for knowledge” doesn’t sound that far off, idk if he was *that* particularly studious in the books, but it doesn’t necessarily not make sense either you know?

But “he searches for faith-based answers and discovers a kindred spirit who is also looking for the truth” ??? My cynical, irreverent asshole Christian is now a man of faith? I’m assuming Lissa is the “kindred spirit” (again weird word choice but maybe they mean she’s feeling lost because of the death of her family?) but I just cannot see Christian as being particularly religious.

I’m trying to keep an open mind about these changes because you never know they might play out totally different on screen, but I really hope they didn’t make these changes, particularly that Christian is studious and religious, just because they cast an Asian actor as him (because they feel a little like Asian stereotypes).

J August Richards as Victor Dashkov

This is one that didn’t appear on the original rumoured cast list (as far as I saw) and it’s so different to his description in the books that I kind of don’t have an opinion about it as a casting choice.

I’ve never seen him in anything before so purely on a visual level I think he could be a great fit for Victor, I just think it’ll really come down to how he plays it.

As for this character description: “Victor is a Moroi noble vampire with a heart of gold who’s highly regarded for his role as advisor and political strategist to Moroi dignitaries.” as well as mentioning that he has intelligence and influence, sounds pretty accurate to the book.  Obviously if Andre was the heir to the throne, Victor had to be shifted out of that role, but I think his book 1 arc could still work if they wanted it to.

The “heart of gold” bit obviously made me chuckle and I really hope they threw it in there as a kind of decoy to throw non-book-readers off the fact that he’s actually the villain in book 1/s1.

As for giving him a husband and two daughters, my thoughts are: why the fuck not? He didn’t have a love interest in the original books and I’m always down for more lgbtq+ rep.  My only concern is it maybe playing into the trope of evil/villain characters being queer-coded.  And as for having two daughters, well as long as one of them is Natalie I don’t mind.

Anita-Joy Uwajeh as Tatiana Vogel

Okay this is the most bizarre one imo, not because of the casting, but just the character description.

I mean “Tatiana is a Moroi vampire and political underdog who slowly takes the royal court by storm. Motivated by love and a sense of justice, Tatiana has a unique skill of making herself seem of no consequence until we realize much too late that she was always the one to watch.” sounds extremely Tasha Ozera to me, so like why not just make this character Tasha?  Nothing about this sounds like Tatiana, and Tatiana wasn’t even a Vogel anyway (well Vogel wasn’t even one of the 12 royal families), she was an Ivashkov.

In terms of Anita-Joy herself, well I mean we don’t really have a character to compare her to, is she supposed to be more like Tasha or Tatiana?  She looks fairly young, so my guess is actually on Tasha, but we’ll have to wait to see I guess.

Mia McKenna-Bruce as Mia Karp

This is another one that I was instantly a fan of.

I was so not a fan of Mia’s casting in the movie (I can’t even remember who played her tbh but I really didn’t like it) so this Mia is a lot closer to how I imagine her.

I think she’ll be able to carry Mia’s transformation from bratty social-climber to badass fighter really well.

The character description is interesting though.  “Witty, cutting, and just the right kind of ruthless when necessary, non-Royal Mia has a long-term plan to social climb her way into the ranks of royalty, with all the privilege and freedom that entails.” sound pretty bang on to Mia in the first book.

“A plan complicated by her instant chemistry with Meredith, a Guardian-in-training, as Mia struggles to reconcile her attraction to Meredith with her lowly status.” is an obvious deviation though, and one I kind of love???  Give me all the queer rep, and if we get to see Mia confront the issue of comp-het I’m so here for it.  

It’s kind of funny though because I’ve seen theories that Meredith is a replacement for Eddie and Mia/Eddie has always been my sort of rarepair ship.

The last name Karp is weird af though.  Is she supposed to be Sonya’s daughter?  And if that’s the case I wonder if we’re going to actually see Sonya turn Strigoi in the show’s first season or something and that triggers the change in Mia?  Interesting concept but I’m not sure how the timeline will work.

Rhian Blundell as Meredith

So this is another new one, and tbh I hadn’t given Meredith *that* much though in the past but she’s probably close to how I would have pictured her which is cool.

The elephant in the room with this casting is that Meredith’s role in the books was relatively minor - she was just kind of that character that got brought up whenever R.M needed a dhampir who wasn’t Rose/Dimitri/Mason/Eddie.  So clearly she’s going to have a bigger role in the tv show which I don’t mind but I do wonder if we’re going to lose a character - probably Eddie lbr - in order to have her.  They haven’t casted an Eddie yet as far as we know, but I have seen it pointed out that Eddie’s role in book 1 was pretty small so maybe they just aren’t announcing it.  But there’s also the possibility that maybe Meredith will sort of replace Eddie and be the third part of Rose and Mason’s friendship.

I’m very interested by this part of her character description though, “She has little patience for Rose’s volatility or Mia’s elitism, and regularly calls both of them out.”

Jonetta Kaiser as Sonya Karp

I don’t necessarily dislike Jonetta as Sonya but I am confused by this choice.  She looks fairly young, which tbf Sonya was young-ish I guess, but if Mia is supposed to be her daughter she doesn’t look old enough to have a teenaged daughter.  So maybe Sonya and Mia are sisters? Cousins? Just have each other’s last names for no reason? I really don’t know.  They also look nothing alike.

Other than that, I don’t really have an opinion about Jonetta as Sonya.  Obviously looks nothing like how Sonya was described but that’s not new nor a massive concern for me.  

I can’t really tell just from looking at her, and I haven’t seen her in anything, if she would play a good Sonya.  I think with a lot of the characters it’s going to come down to the personality they bring to the part and the writing.

I looooooove her character description though:  “Quiet, careful and decidedly odd, Sonya is not of royal bloodline and sits out on the fringe of Moroi society, preferring to spend her time in the library or her gardens. Not a person who likes a scene, nonetheless she has a quiet but profound power of her own. She is taken by surprise when a Dhampir Guardian named Mikhail shows interest in her, a relationship that will expose both the brightest and darkest parts of her heart.”  It’s everything I would probably want from a description of Sonya and I’m more and more convinced that we’re going to see Sonya’s descent into madness and transformation into a Strigoi play out in maybe the first season which I am so curious how they’re going to work into the timeline.

Andrew Liner as Mason Ashford

Our last one and another one who doesn’t look remotely like his description but again? Not a surprise and not a problem for me.  He looks like he could play Mason’s goofiness really well as well as be a solid contender for a love interest for Rose.

“Charming, loyal and popular, Mason is Rose’s main competition in the quest to become the No. 1 Guardian-in-training. Though their relationship is casual on her side, he is hopeful she will finally look at him and see him as something more.” His character description makes a lot of sense, maybe him being Rose’s main competition is a bit of a deviation? But I think that’s more an indication that he’s supposed to be a strong fighter which isn’t inaccurate to the books.  The rest sounds great.

Other Thoughts

Descriptions of the show specifically mention friendship and classism as major themes which I am very happy to hear about because those are the two parts of VA that I love the most.

Am a little more worried about it being described as “sexy” though, if they shove a whole bunch of meaningless sex scenes in it just because it’s a YA show I’m not gonna be happy.

Seen the show compared to “Game of Thrones” and “Bridgerton” which at first had me like oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck not good not good not good.  But thinking about it more and trying to understand where Plec’s coming from with that description I wonder if means similar to GoT as in the cut-throat nature of the Moroi/Dhampir society cause I can kind of see that.  And as for Bridgerton I wonder if she’s referring to the kind of social-climbing aspects of it, because again that makes sense and it seems like a theme she really wants to concentrate on.  I hope that’s what she means by those comparisons, or that she just wants to compare it to popular shows to get people to watch it.  The worst would be if she tries to throw in a lot of unnecessary sex scenes to make it like those shows, because I hate when they do that, especially when the characters are teenagers.

Interesting to hear that Plec has known about the series since before Twilight or TVD - not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Seems like it’s actually mostly (or all??) written by Marguerite MacIntyre which is interesting because I know people were worried about Julie Plec - I’ve never watched anything by either of them so I’m neutral at this point.

#wow this took me most of the day to write so i got absolutely no uni work done #oh well #worth it #vampire academy #va #va tv show #rose hathaway #dimitri belikov #lissa dragomir #mason ashford #meredith (va) #mia rinaldi #sonya karp #christian ozera #respond to this and tell me your thoughts cause i want to hear what everyone things #*thinks #keep things respectful tho guys

[5uptic]

crewfu: fanfic spotlight!

We work together by Anonymous (5up & DK, unrated, gen | 248 words)

Summary: One likes plants and baking, the other loves to create and design video games. They stay up and create monstrosities together, it's their fun, it's their favourite game. Aka a 5up and Dk roommate au!

No matter how life tangles, I’m still here with you. by hungryandsleepy (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 279 words)

Summary: 5up has been working so hard on his new map, and of course, he needs someone to give him a motivation to go to sleep.

objectively pretty by vesque (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 462 words)

Summary: steve is drunk. he's pretty sure 5up is too. that doesn't mean being called pretty is any less momentuous.

you plus me by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 489 words)

Summary: 5up and Steve meet.

he said to me by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 656 words)

Summary: 5up and Steve share a moment.

by the snowmen by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 670 words)

Summary: Steve has a moment when it's all over.

today you got to know me (a little bit too slowly) by runninohhoney (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 675 words)

Summary: Steve lights up a cigarette. 5up doesn't smoke.

what would it take by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 787 words)

Summary: It's Steve's first mission. He hecks up. Or does he?

sorta cute by floweruru (5up/Steve, unrated, m/m | 822 words)

Summary: ‘I wouldn’t do that,’ he said. ‘That’s just disrespectful,’ he said. Yet there was 5up, crushed like a can in Steve’s embrace, feebly kicking at nothing as his feet leave the pavement.

i was gonna kill u, but ur kinda cute?? by Cthulhuer (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1k words)

Summary: Steve is a mess and 5up is worse.

I hear a Symphony by AwkwardAce (5up/Fundy, unrated, m/m | 1.1k words)

Summary: He exhaled until his lungs ached for air, fingers twitching as he opted to remove the sleek white gloves he wore in a feeble effort to soothe himself. It didn’t work. He wrung his trembling hands together as his eyes raked down the worn leather case taking in the doodles- some etched some drawn- across the faded surface. He snapped the buckles open and his breath hitched, catching in his already tight throat. For a moment the world span, his head throbbed and he wanted nothing more than to run and hide. 5up breathed out slowly, shakily.

staring by lytriis (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.1k words)

Summary: steve asks 5up out. 5up doesn’t know how to respond.

and it's four am, and yet, you're here by vesque (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: in which steve shows up at 5up's house, in the middle of the night, completely spontaneously

more than this by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: Steve catches 5up venting.

3:15 by vesque (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: Steve tries to guess Five's name. It's much more difficult than he anticipated.

things were different by fourpebbles (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.5k words)

Summary: His eyes circled around to his friends, Kimi and Janet engaging in pleasant comversation, sleepy and becoming increasingly more sober. He looked, finally, across him, and caught Dumbdog staring at him. What now bro, what did this guy want. small talk, turns into not small talk, then there's no talk

Once Upon A Dream by SmearedWords (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.5k words)

Summary: 5up looks ethereal, while Steve is struggling to breathe. "You're not real either." Or: Steve has a crush and a nightmare in three parts, 5up is tired, the crew life is hard and Polus sucks.

the ones you love will call you back by homeward_bound (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.8k words)

Summary: stevesuptic: dude, is it weird that i miss vegas   DumbDog: No? I do too.   stevesuptic: okay [steve misses vegas and apollo. they talk about it]

cough it out by cj__writes (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2k words)

Summary: Apollo thinks that Steve must be well and truly gone, at this point, because he giggles, like Apollo’s just told a particularly funny joke. He looks Apollo right in the eye and asks, “Do you trust me?” “Absolutely not.”

ivy by Secular_Czar (5up/Steve, teen rating, gen | 2.1k words)

Summary: It might be a sad day, in general, but Steve isn't about to let it get to him. His friends won't ever let him wallow either.

The Colosseum by WhenTheFogClears (general rating, gen | 2.1k words)

Summary: Five squinted, looking at the colosseum intensely. He thinks Apollo was latched onto the sphinx’s shoulder, fur matted with blood. Janet was slumped against a column, probably out, with Kimi whose bow was snapped in two, her leg twisted at an odd angle. DK was in the corner trying to cast various supporting hexes and charms with a broken arm, whilst Hafu was dragging a heavily bandaged Steve away. or 5up slaughters a cat

Oneshots :) by woofles1990 (5up/Fundy, 5up/Steve, teen rating, multi | 2.5k words, oneshot collection)

Summary: Just a bunch of MCYT/Among Us oneshots, mainly featuring 5up's crew because yes :)

the adventures of 5up and steve staying up late because they're under 30 by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.5k words)

Summary: “The night is young!” Steve yells at the ceiling, throwing his hands up in the air. “Take advantage of it! Commit crimes! Fuck hoes!” Five catches his hands in the air and laughs. “You wish you had hoes.”

unreasonably in love by cj__writes (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.6k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: "It was like pieces of a puzzle, everything coming together. And now, here they are, standing in their apartment, which looks more like a hollow shell than a home, filled solely with scattered boxes and the minuscule amount of furniture that they brought with them to Vegas." Or: what happens after Apollo and Steve move in together.

cant be love by fourpebbles (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 3.5 words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: He had chuckled to himself, he felt so stupid. Who in their fucking minds names a playlist 'sugr?', he thought, internally cringing. A story where a Steve meets an Apollo, and some things happen.

Somewhere in the darkness, us together for a while by tumtummeke (Apollo & Kimi & Steve, teen rating, gen | 3.6k words)

Summary: Apollo worries about Steve. Steve breaks his vape pen. Kimi plays power washer. Self-indulgent angst, with a generous helping of friendship and cuddles.

odyssey by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 23k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: "First you will come to the Sirens who enchant all who come near them. If any one unwarily draws in too close and hears the singing of the Sirens...they warble him to death with the sweetness of their song. Therefore pass these Sirens by and stop your men's ears with wax that none of them may hear." -Homer, The Odyssey

Also: SilverSprinklez10‘s yupwaves collection.

Summary: This is a Harry Potter AU based on the characters/personas of the youtubers/streamers.

FAQ:

Wait what is this: pretty straight to the point! i’ll regularly share crewfu-related fanfictions to this blog :)

How regularly is “regularly”?: great question! LOL. it depends on the flow of fanfics that get uploaded, which i do not have any control over, but i’m looking forward to do this twice a month. after all, it’s only me doing this and i often run on a tight schedule.

What’s the format like?:

[title of fic with link] by [author of the fic with link] ([main pairing(s), if there is one/multiple], [fic rating: eg, general rating], [relationship: eg, m/m] | [word count in k] ([added prompt to specify if it’s complete or not)])

Summary: [summary provided by the author. if it doesn’t have a summary, a “No summary” prompt will be put instead]

(What does WIP mean again?): Work In Progress :)

Why are you doing this?: from the beginning, my blog has hosted conversations about RPF (real people fiction) and crewfu pairings. this has evolved into people sending me updates about certain fics in the crewfu tags every now and then, but i wanna take the next step and just do these things myself. after all, i’m already lurking in the tags often to see the fics that get posted. as someone who is both a writer and a reader, i wanna appreciate fanfic writers and help out other people that want to read fanfic and consume more fandom content!

Will it be AO3 only?: well, ao3 has a very helpful tag system that makes finding fics incredibly easy, as well as allowing people with no accounts to like and comment on fics, so that’s the site i will personally look in for fanworks. but if there are any fics you’ve written or liked in any other platforms, such as wattpad, you can always contact me through my inbox (send an ask or a dm!), and i’ll make sure to include for the next fanfic spotlight :)

Does it mean you won’t reply to fic asks anymore?: yeah, i guess. since i’ll be doing the searching myself it seems counterproductive. but if i ever skip a fic or again, it’s in another platform, or you’ve posted/read the fic a while ago and you want to get more traction on it, hit me up and i’ll take it into consideration!

Will you read every single one of the fics on your list?: oh no. again, i run on a tight schedule, and also i have my own taste when it comes to fics. i won’t be reviewing fics or any of the sort, and my intention extends to simply sharing these fics to this page so people will have easier access to them :) that’s where ao3 tagging becomes SUPER useful!!!

So what’s the criteria for the way you’ll sort out the fics in your list?: word count, going from lowest to highest. in case of fics in other platforms, i guess i’ll put them at the top of the list. i’ll also be looking for fairly recent fics, so let me know if you want any old-ish fic to be included.

I see you talking mostly about 5up/Steve and Steve/Apollo. Can I still send/see other crewfu fics?: why yes absolutely! my goal is to push every fic which heavily features regular crewfu characters - 5uptic and supdog just happen to be very popular pairings. so, to give you a list: core 4 (5up, hafu, dk, steve), apollo, aipha, annie, janet, kimi, ellum, koji... you know the drill. it doesn’t have to be centered on a relationship, or about 5up in specific, etc. my only requirement is that any of the previously mentioned members are a central part of the fic or are HEAVILY featured in it (sorry, minecraft fics with 50+ tags who only mention 5up as an afterthought won’t make the cut :/).

Isn’t shipping Bad™?: well, it’s a little more nuanced than that. i will go out of my way to discourage and shame people who often violate CCs’ boundaries by acting like so and so has a crush on this person, or that this and that are Actually Into Each Other or secretly dating. any sort of tinhat bullshit is a big nono (think larries). but i run on the assumption that people who write rpf understand that what they’re doing is simply write a completely fictional story using real life personalities, and understand the boundaries necessary to do it - aka they’re not tinhats, they understand they can’t assume everything about CCs’ thoughts and personalities, they understand that what they’re writing is strictly fiction, they keep these works only in fandom circles, etc. (but again, it’s only one me doing this, so please be kind if i don’t happen to know that this person is Actually a tinhat or whatever).

show fic: NO. (seriously. i don’t feel comfortable putting my ao3 account out there. please respect my privacy on these trying times <3)

I REALLY don’t care about your rpf/fic talk: fair! i’ll be tagging every single one of these posts as “fanfic spotlight”, so just mute the tag using tumblr settings so you’ll never have to look at these! likewise, you can follow the tag if you want to keep up with it, or search it on my blog to look at the other entries you might have missed (but this is the first one! lol).

Hey, my fic is here and I don’t feel comfortable with it being shared over here: no problem! let me know as soon as you can and i’ll take it down <3

#crewfu #fanfic spotlight

[onthevirgeofdestruction]

Touch Starved Prompt from @radioactivehelena

“I didn’t even know I was ticklish there!” with Patton and whoever you want?

you’re getting canonish post redux platonic moxiety hurt/comfort angst  Re-Opened my asks I didn’t know tumblr had even closed them whoops thanks for letting me know. Reminder to anyone else sending prompts you can specify an au you want because I don’t know how long my asks have been closed lol

Words: 923  Triggers: tickling, (light) threats Chracters: Patton, Virgil Ships: Platonic Moxiety Universe: Canon(ish) Genre: Hurt/Comfort (it’s touch starved so of course it is) AO3 Link

   Patton sighed despondently and leaned back on the edge of his bed. The fairy lights on his ceiling twinkled brightly and normally they’d help lift his mood a bit. Not today, though. This couldn’t be fixed by fairy lights or soft memories or stuffed toys. He was lonely. And all the soft blankets and shiny memories in the world were nothing compared to just getting a reassuring smile from someone. Or even acknowledged kindly. 

   He knew why he’d been avoiding the other sides. He’d fudged up. He made a big mistake and felt like all of his decisions lately were wrong. He needed some space to feel things through. And Logan has been off lately, and Roman was still very upset, and he didn’t know how to fix that, either. Patton was supposed to be good at this stuff, dagnabit. But he was scared of messing that up, too, if he even tried. Patton put his head in his hands and stared at the door.

   It would be so easy to just sink out to the living room just to see another face. It was just a slight mental pull away. But would anybody even want to see him? He didn’t want to bother anybody. Patton dropped his hands to his lap and slouched, staring at his hands as he fiddled absentmindedly with his fingers. He shivered slightly as he entwined his fingers together. Was it always cold in here? Patton didn’t do anything to change the temperature. But he felt kind of… chilly. In a weird way. It didn’t feel like normal chilly. Maybe that’s because nothing felt normal anymore.

   “Hey Pat,” Virgil waved and appeared right next to Patton on the bed. Patton looked at him wide-eyed, shaken from his thoughts, and generally baffled at Virgil’s sudden presence. “Um, so, I haven’t seen you in a while… and maybe I’m just over-reacting, or whatever, but I thought you might, um… be pulling a me,” Virgil mumbled and looked at Patton’s face with concern.

   “I-I’m… I mean, you startled me, kiddo!” Patton stammered out.

   “Sorry,” Virgil looked down and shoved his hands in his hoodie pocket. “But you’re not, right? I’m just projecting or whatever?” He looked back up at Patton through his bangs. “I know things are weird lately for everybody. But I don’t want you to isolate yourself and stuff,” Virgil said softly, not meeting Patton’s eyes.

   “Are you saying you like me?” Patton teased lightly.

   “No, whatever, shut up,” Virgil held up his hands and turned away, staring steadfastly at the floor and gripping his knees. “Come on, just tell me so I can stop worrying about it and worry about other important stuff, like carbon monoxide poisoning and climate change,” Virgil pleaded, sounding kind of desperate.

   “I don’t have the hoodie to pull a you,” Patton smiled, though he knew it probably didn’t look right.

   “Uh, yeah, you’re wearing your cat hoodie from Logan, right now,” Virgil said, pulling at one of the hoodie strings dangling on his chest. “Try again,” Virgil insisted more firmly.

   “You mean right meow?” Patton said airily, trying to distract him. Virgil chuckled slightly and rolled his eyes.

   “I said try again, Pat,” Virgil said, poking Patton slightly in the neck. Patton giggled and shot his arm up in surprise. “Is your neck ticklish?” Virgil asked incredulously and went in for a second poke, just under his hairline where his fingers didn’t reach. Patton broke out in giggles again. “Alright, tell me if you're okay or else I’m going in the for the kill,” Virgil said impishly and an evil grin spread.

   “Okay, okay!” Patton held up his hands and shook them to stop Virgil and motion that he’d conceded. “I didn’t even know I was ticklish there,” Patton said off-handedly, trailing off slightly. Virgil held his finger closer to Patton’s neck and he could feel the heat coming from his hand.

   “I said tell me if you’re okay,” Virgil threatened and loomed ever closer.

   “I give! I’m just feeling kind of… off,” Patton admitted warily.

   “Existential crisis? I’ve been there,” Virgil leaned back on Patton’s bed and gave Patton a comforting lopsided smile. And Patton felt like he could cry with relief. “Woah, woah,” Virgil said, sitting up slightly. “What’d I say?” Virgil's voice shook as he asked, looking wildly around.

    “No, no, I’m sorry, it’s fine,” Patton said and curled into himself a bit. He didn't mean to show it so much, but he did always wear his heart on his sleeve. “I think I just needed that,” He said softly, and he could feel the heat in his eyes.

   “You needed what? Me upsetting you?” Virgil asked, leaning closer to Patton.

   “You didn’t upset me. I just needed… some warmth, I guess,” Patton confessed, just barely above a whisper.

   “I mean, I’m the worst possible side to give you some warmth. But I’m the guy here, so I’ll try,” Virgil said resolutely and pulled Patton in for a hug right after. “The world is burning, but we’re still friends and I can try to be here for you,” Virgil said steadily. Patton slowly raised his arms and melted as Virgil’s soft hoodie sleeves enclosed him it what felt like the best darn hug of his entire life.

   “Thanks, kiddo,” Patton murmured into Virgil’s chest. Virgil hummed softly and his hand moved gently across Patton’s back as they both held on to each other. A few tears escaped Patton’s eyes, but Virgil just pulled Patton in tighter. 

#tsss #sanders sides #tsss fanfiction #sanders sides fanfiction #tsss fanfic #ayri writes #prompts #nonauprompts #platonic moxiety #moxiety #ts virgil #ts patton #virgil sanders #patton sanders #touch starved prompt #tickling #threats #hurt/comfort #lil angst

[mst3kproject]

The Equinox

'Aleczilla51297′ appears to have made a tumblr purely for the purpose of telling me I need to review Equinox and Godzilla vs Hedorah.  I decided to do Equinox first because I’ve already seen Godzilla vs Hedorah, which is one of the preachier Godzilla movies but does have that hilarious bit where the big guy flies by using his atomic breath as a rocket.  If Equinox turns out to be a #fuck this movie entry, then Godzilla can act as a sort of a palate-cleanser.  And so, without further ado:

Something blows up, a woman called Susan dies, and a dude gets run down by a driverless car.  My Dad would feel vindicated – he finds the whole idea of self-driving cars untrustworthy.  The victim, whose name is David Fielding, ends up in a mental hospital, where he tells his story to a psychiatrist.  Seems that Dave, his pal Jim, Jim’s girlfriend Vicky, and Vicky’s friend Susan, headed up into the mountains for a picnic with their old teacher Dr. Waterman. These people are all idiots.

The four young people arrive to find Waterman’s cabin destroyed and a creepy old man living in a cave nearby, who gives them a locked book. Because the characters don’t know they’re in a bad movie, they don’t realize that the book is clearly the fucking Necronomicon, and decide to crack it open and read it while they eat their KFC. To nobody’s surprise, they’re soon being chased around the countryside by dumb stop-motion monsters.  At the end everybody’s dead but Dave, who’s in the mental hospital waiting for the fulfillment of a prophecy that said he would die a year and a day after the original events, but that’s not a spoiler because it was the opening scene.

Let’s go over the shit that happens when these four clowns arrive at Dr. Waterman’s.  The cabin’s destroyed and the park ranger who discusses it with them says his name is Asmodeus.  Does that sound like a signal you should get the hell out of there?  No?  Okay, how about when they find a castle they can’t remember being there before?  Still no?  Well then, on their way to the castle (which later vanishes behind a wall of invisibility, probably because they couldn’t afford interior sets), they come across a cave with Green Goblin laughter echoing out of it, and weird velociraptor footprints all around.  Would you leave, or would you light up some torches and go check it out?  What about when you find a partially-mummified corpse in the cave?

The whole first ten minutes of the flashback that comprises most of the narrative is a litany of things I’m pretty sure anybody would flee from in real life.  I don’t believe much in the supernatural but if I saw all that I would be sure that multiple crimes had been committed and that I wanted no part of it.  The characters of Equinox, however, insist on investigating themselves, and continue to make stupid, stupid decisions for the entire run time.  Yes, let’s all go in a group to check and make sure the monster is dead.  Let’s hang around and bury the bodies ourselves instead of getting back to civilization for a police report and a good stiff drink.  Let’s collect the picnic stuff before we leave because that basket cost at least $15 at Wal-Mart.  It’s the kind of movie where you start to get annoyed that the characters aren’t dying fast enough.  When we finally get back to the opening shot I mainly felt relief that the movie was almost over.

The MST3K movie Equinox most reminds me of is The Day Time Ended: there are people in the middle of nowhere and, for some reason, a bunch of random stop-motiony things happen that never actually add up to a story.  Stuff comes and goes without serving any purpose other than to be creepy.  Who was Crazy Cave Guy?  I at first assumed he was the missing Dr. Waterman but Waterman turns up later and immediately dies, so what’s going on with this other guy?  What’s about the cave mummy… who was that?  Was the man who showed up to snatch the book actually Dr. Waterman or just a demon in his form?  Why is there a random graveyard in the middle of the woods?  Why does the psychiatrist have a creepy monster mask on his wall?  What’s up with Asmodeus apparently trying to rape Susan without even unbuttoning his pants, and later possessing her so that she does the same thing to Vicky?

Dialogue specifies that Dr. Waterman was a geologist, which seems an odd choice for somebody to be translating ancient documents.  I mean, there’s no reason why a geologist can’t have a side interest in ancient manuscripts, but when a movie takes the trouble to tell you something like that there’s usually a reason why.  Geology is never important to the plot, even tangentially.

It must be said that Equinox makes slightly more sense than The Day Time Ended, in that we’re actually given a reason why these events are happening.  Dr. Waterman had acquired and translated the Necronomicon and could not control the demons he summoned (I am convinced that Sam Raimi saw Equinox when he was around twelve and thought, shit, I could make a better movie than this!).  A huge tentacle creature destroyed his cabin, and then there’s the sabre-toothed ogre, the giant green caveman, and of course, the devil himself.  These creatures have a motivation: they are determined to get the book back, whether through force or persuasion.  The events could still happen in any order, but it all has a common core, rather than being just a collection of Concepts.

In capable hands this story could be made to work (see previous parentheses), but sadly none of the hands involved in making Equinox were remotely capable.  The acting is abysmal, mostly just people standing around awkwardly reciting their lines. All the dialogue was then dubbed over in post-production, which makes it even more stiff and awkward.  There’s a bit where a guy reads a letter as if he has to sound out each word.  The direction and music are bland.  Even the costumes are awful.  You’d think it would be hard to fuck up costumes in a movie set in the present, but it looks like everyone just turned up to set in their street clothes and they went with that.  Good costuming can tell us a lot about characters but the outfits here say nothing. Also, both Vicky and Susan are blondes in blue shirts, and once Susan’s hair falls out of its bun they’re basically indistinguishable.

The characters have no discernable personalities.  How they react to things changes from scene to scene, with nobody’s motives clear.  The only thing that remains constant is Jim wanting to leave while Dave always wants to stay and take care of something or other.  Stuff happens that could result in character development but none of it is ever followed up.  The most notable example is when Dave feels terrible guilt over having apparently killed Dr. Waterman, but this is forgotten a few minutes later and we never even find out if the dead man were really Dr. Waterman.

The effects are uniformly bad, but not usually enough so to be entertaining in themselves.  The castle is an obvious matte painting and the stuff on the other side of the portal, whether it’s Hell or the Dark Dimension or I don’t even know, is just the same spot in the woods with an orange filter over it.  There’s a stupid spinning thing used to represent Asmodeus exercising assorted dark powers.  The devil and the sabre-toothed ogre are both stiff and shitty stop-motion puppets.  The animation is surprisingly competent for a movie with the budget of Jr. High drama club, but they’re still not good.  The one exception is the giant green caveman, which looks dumb but is quite convincing as occupying space and interacting with the characters.

One might expect that this movie would be about the temptation of evil.  The monsters in it are summoned using a book of dark knowledge, and in trying to get the book back Asmodeus offers Jim anything he wants – money, prestige, women, you name it.  Problem is, there’s never any sign that the main characters are in fact tempted.  The crazy guy in the cave wants nothing from the book except to get rid of it.  He passes it on to Dave and Jim with evident glee.  Dr. Waterman’s interest in it, according to his notes, was purely scientific.  He summoned demons just to see if he could do it, but he doesn’t appear to have gained anything thereby except the knowledge that it works.  The main characters never even attempt to use the book, even to get themselves out of this mess, they just run around trying to keep it out of the hands of the monsters.  I’d say it’s like if every character in The Lord of the Rings was book-Faramir, but only a colossal nerd would use an example like that.

Honestly, I think this movie was about the wrong characters.  Dr. Waterman’s process of discovering the book and learning to use it, only to realize he’s unleashed things he cannot control, would probably have been a much more interesting story.  The characters from this film could have shown up at the end to fish the book out of the mess, with the implication that they will be its next victims.  This would have been a much better way to explore the ideas of temptation, making a Faust-like character out of Waterman as he is tempted not by riches or fame, but by knowledge and power.

Equinox is not quite #fuck this movie bad.  In order to earn that tag, a film has to be unwatchably dull and/or morally repugnant. I didn’t have any trouble sitting through Equinox but I also didn’t really enjoy the experience.  As movies about demonic forces go, it’s pretty bland and nothing much really seems to happen.  I guess that means I have to forgive Aleczilla51297 for sending it to me, but I’m still looking really forward to a Godzilla film or two.

#mst3k #reviews #episodes that never were #equinox #tw: rape #70s

[maybeimwierd]

Mastermind!Danganronpa edits 2 explained!

This is the explanation for design choices in my 2nd batch of mastermind edits you can find right over here so I hope you all enjoy

7. Kokichi Ouma

Fun fact I actually started on this edit in the middle of Father’s Day which is kokichis birthday and I finished it early morning the next day, also I did the sketch in a car because I was coming home from a family members house right after I started it. Of course I like red buttons hehe so I have them to him, his outfit is mostly white so I changed his sleeves to be black and I made his pants to be red with those weird straps black. I love that I gave him face paint but it’s kinda hard to see the white part, I was going to color half his face black instead of white but I realized it could be taken as racist which I am not (ok when I say it like that I sound like I’m in denial but I swear I’m not) but of course red monokuma eye around the characters left eye hehe

8. Tenko Chabashira

Hers was actually the first edit that I actually redrew the whole sprite rather than putting stuff over it so you can tell my skill gets better after this one! I actually had originally thought up the headband first and I wanted to make the base red so I made the monokuma eye be pink which honestly is cuter and I made her hair ties be pink to match! I made her weird green hair thingys be black and white because monokuma also they are fun to color then I made her choker black. I decided to replace her cropped uniform shirt with a sports bra which is something women usually wear when they workout at the gym also hehe hoohoo it’s red with a nice black and white trim! I think adding a third layer to her skirt makes it looks puffier and cuter so I’m glad I did that hehe!

9. Kazuichi Soda

There is actually a cancelled draft of Kazuichi! The way I do these edits is by asking my buds over on Crackganronpa (a Dr discord server) who they want to see as a mastermind next, the owner requested Kazuichi but I didn’t want to do the method I did with Tenko because I felt it took way too long so I tried to do my color over method but it was too complicated due to his hair and I had spent around 2 hours just trying to color his hair white so I cancelled him and told them “I’m willing to continue on Kazuichi but if I do then I’m starting over” and they really wanted to see him so I redrew his sprite also so now you all have this Kazuichi! I liked the idea of him dying his hair again if he was a mastermind (because he canonically dyes his hair pink) and I liked coloring his hat black because it matched the white. I decided to color his jumpsuit red and give it pink accents but I colored his shirt last minute and if I was thinking I would have made it black, I had fun replacing the logo on his jumpsuit and making those buttons! I have 2 fun facts about that hammer he has there, it’s actually a large recolored version of the hammer I gave to Mastermind!Angie, the second fun fact is that I actually was listening to Sonias voice lines while doing the hammer. Adding onto that last fun fact when doing the lines for the face I was listening to Ibuki’s voice lines and was listening to Celeste’s voice lines while coloring the suit.

10. Chihiro Fujisaki

This one is truly where I have peaked in design (well for now, don’t know when I’ll strike genius again) so I’m very proud of this Chihiro and my Angie! I’ll start with saying that CHIHIRO IS NOT A TRANS GIRL THAT IS A FACT THEY LITTERALLY WERE BULLIED INTO BEING A GIRL so I gave him some super cool pants and it was fun drawing that belt! I took away his overcoat so you can see his dress shirt and I replaced the coat with a super cool cape!!!! It was fun to come up how the cape is layered the left side going over the right side with a part on top. This was a idea I loved so much and wanted to put on a edit (right under using that cape idea) which is the big Ol fairy flower hat! His design was lowkey based off fantasy things! I felt the design needed one more thing so I lightly airbrushed his face to give him a sickly and sort of pale look. This was also the edit that I started adding the fabric overlay on

11. Korekiyo Shinguji

Now this one! This is a doozy! Lots of little details here and there but first things first, if Korekiyo was a mastermind he would definitely have trinkets here and there from the dead students (also in these mastermind universes the person who is the mastermind in the game they are from dies instead of them) so feel free to guess what thing belongs to who! I believe Korekiyo would want to dress liek the original mastermind and it was fun to give him big pigtails like her, he is wearing a ripped sleeve from one of the dead students (won’t specify but it was hard to get it from under where it was from) and the tie is from another student instead like the one the original dr1 mastermind wore and the little buttons are from other students, the gloved hand is ripped as a little detail and I think that Korekiyo could definitely rocks a skirt! This is truly my husband heehee

12. Yasuhiro Hagakure

This edit came into my home and pissed on my clothes then shit in my sink I am not proud of this one at all just like Kaito (if the 18th mastermind sucks I think that makes it a pattern) so here’s why. I was going to do this like the others but I didn’t want to spend hours tracing the lines for his hair so I just added some bear ears and a monokuma eye over his left one. I changed the yellow from his shirt and pants string to be a nice red and I made the inside of his jacket use the pattern I originally made for Kaito! Yay recycling. Fun fact I was listening to a He///va B//s BLM charity stream (I censored I don’t want fans of the series to come across this in the tag due to how tumblr works and they might get spoiled) also the sprite I used actually was sweaty faced so I removed it to make him look smug. I also removed his stubble because if he was betraying his friends he definitely would wanna look nice for it. The pattern used for Kaito and Yasuhiro is downloadable in the previous explanation post for use!

#danganronpa #drthh #sdr2 #drv3 #kokichi ouma #tenko chabashira #kazuichi soda #chihiro fujisaki #korekiyo shinuji #yasuhiro hagakura

[xinasvoice]

Well, I did it, I wrote the story from my Truth or Dare dream. For my dear bestie @remus-lupin-is-my-type who was pathetically in pain from surgery and thus a very motivating muse. Here, I’ll post the first bit, since that is apparently what the cool kids on tumblr do nowadays. 

It’s a 10k oneshot, definitely explicit. Have fun!

An Explicit Truth A truth or dare game reveals that Remus has never kissed anyone, and, for some reason, Sirius is livid about it.

“Of course you pick Truth.” Sirius rolled his eyes.

“After seeing what you did to poor James, I think I have a right to be wary,” Remus replied smoothly.

“Eh, this is nothing!” James said, tossing his head, which was currently adorned with his full rack of antlers. The partial animagus transformation might have looked impressive if it wasn’t for the slightly damp toilet paper fluttering from the ends. Remus was fairly sure James had no idea it was there. No one had said anything to him yet. “And now we know my rack actually can fit into a bathroom stall! That could be useful!”

“How?” Peter asked, his tone less skeptical and more curious, as if he had complete faith that James was already plotting something. Which wasn’t such a stretch, really.

“I’ve got one for you, Moony,” Sirius said, around a rather large handful of popcorn, which he was currently attempting to eat while lying down with his head in the middle of their little circle of four. He did like to be the center of attention. It was endearing, and also rather convenient, because it made it much easier for Remus to excuse the fact he tended to pay more attention to Sirius than would usually be considered platonic. Sirius had turned the twin lamps of his eyes on Remus, who resolutely ignored the way the sparkling mischief there made his stomach swoop. He was used to swooping by now.

“What’s the weirdest kiss you’ve ever had? And I’m talking weird, like you turned around and found out Professor Slughorn had been staring at you the whole time, or your tongue turned into a vegetable mid-snog.” Go right to AO3 or...

“Hey, that wasn’t funny!” Peter protested. “My wand was broken—”

“Quiet, Wormtail!” Sirius imperiously waved him into silence. “Remus has a Truth to cough up.”

Remus was already shaking his head and smiling. “You just completely wasted a Truth, Padfoot.”

“Cocky bastard,” Sirius sighed. “If none of your snogs have been as weird as poor Peter can lay claim to, then you still have to tell us about the most marginally strange one. Or, if you insist that they have really all been just utterly exquisite, then you’ll have to tell us about one of those.”

“No, I won’t, because I’ve never kissed anyone. Unless you want me to tell you about my granny kissing me on the cheek or—”

Remus never got to finish because Sirius had lurched upright in a small explosion of popcorn, his face shocked. “What?”

“What?” Remus raised an eyebrow. “I’ve never kissed anyone. You know this.”

“I do not!” Sirius shouted. “You would have told me!”

Remus felt his other eyebrow go up. “Not being kissed is by definition a non-event and therefore not something I would tell stories about. Were you expecting me to update you every Sunday evening? ’Nope, no one has kissed me yet.' Honestly, who does that?”

Both Peter and Sirius pointed to James, chorusing, “He does.”

James winced. “It’s not my fault, guys, I’ve been trying, but she just won’t even look at me, no matter how many times I throw notes and stuff at her in class—”

Sirius made a dramatic shushing motion with his hand. “This is not the moment, Prongs!”

He turned back to Remus, obviously ready to continue the argument, but Remus was tired of having his blush-resistance—an ability carefully cultivated over many years of exposure to these three—tested.

“Peter!” he said loudly, covering up Sirius’ continued grumbles that someone should have told him, “Truth or Dare?”

“Umm…Dare.”

Remus nodded approvingly at this wise choice. His dares were always a bit more reasonable than ones from James or Sirius, and Peter had already used up several of the Marauder’s-Rules limit of ten Truths per game.

“Finish your transfiguration homework right now—”

Remus had to raise his voice to be heard above James’ and Sirius’ sudden, loud chorus of “Boooooring!”

“—and at the bottom, add a detailed love note to Professor McGonagall…”

Sirius and James shut up immediately.

Remus grinned and finished, “…in ancient Elvish.”

James crooned with appreciation. “Ooooh, that’s good, Moony. It’s hilarious and difficult.”

“I am so getting detention,” Peter groaned, but he went to get his copy of Tolkien’s languages primer and his homework. They all ended up crowding around him to provide laughing suggestions. Once the deed was done, the game passed to James, who chose Dare, as usual.

“Compose a limerick,” Peter said and James cackled with delight.

“Oh, boy are you in the right place!”

“It has to be dirty or funny or both,” Peter specified.

James rolled his eyes. “Well, of course, Wormtail, who do you think you’re talking to?”

He made a show of cracking his knuckles and then held his hands up in the air, eyes closed. They all waited obediently while he drew dramatic patterns in the air in the manner of one conducting music. After a minute or two of this, he said, “All right, mates, I’ve got this.”

He cleared his throat, eyes still closed, and began to recite. “There once was a pretty young redhead—”

“Of course,” Sirius snickered, leaning in to confide in Remus’ ear. “Who could have predicted that.”

“Bet you he’ll incorporate ‘giving head’ by the end,” Remus replied, stoutly ignoring the heat of Sirius’ breath on his ear. He was so good at ignoring things.

“Ahem!” James opened his eyes to glare at them over the top of his glasses. “Silence during the presentation of my masterpiece, please!”

They all giggled but allowed him to continue.

“There once was a pretty young redhead,

who looked lovely even with bedhead.

She will not come near me,

but I love her so dearly—”

He stopped suddenly, eyes wide with panic and darting from side to side. Clearly, he had forgotten whatever final line he had composed. “…Fuck.”

“So say the stains on your bedspread,” Remus finished with signature deadpan.

“HEY!” James lurched forward, tackling Remus to the ground. Meanwhile, both Peter and Sirius collapsed into laughter.

After a brief tussle, the game continued, and by the time Sirius had finished hunting down and devouring all the popcorn that had fallen on the floor earlier (“What? I’m a growing boy!”), James had been made to go down to the common room to recite the limerick to Lily’s face, last line hilariously included. His antlers also gained a few layers of ornamentation, some intentional, like the several pairs of “lucky” socks, and some, like the cobwebs and torn pieces of bed curtains, less intentional. None of this deterred him in the least.

“Dare,” he told Sirius, his eyes full of challenge.

Sirius tugged on his lower lip thoughtfully, and then glanced at Remus. It was a very quick thing, but Remus—having been watching the lip-pulling with expertly camouflaged interest—saw it.

“Right. Prongs, you are dared to kiss Remus—”

James burst into movement before Sirius could even finish talking—their dares usually had several contingencies, to prevent chickening out—and lunged across the circle, grabbing Remus’ hand and kissing the back of it.

“Hey!” Sirius shouted, slapping both hands onto the floor.

“I did it!” James yelled back with equal energy. “I did the dare! Peter, Truth or Dare?”

“I wasn’t done daring!” Sirius protested.

“Too late! I did the dare, I kissed Moony! Peter!”

“Argh, Prongs! That’s not the game! Come on, someone has to do it!”

“Thank you, James, darling, that was everything I had ever dreamed of,” Remus said, voice dripping with sarcasm. He made a show of wiping off his hand and then crossing his arms over his chest. “You two are both so sweet to me.”

Sirius and James had stopped arguing aloud by now and had taken their disagreement to the nonverbal world of glares and significant looks. Remus was capable of deciphering their brotherly eye-code some of the time, but it was a bit beyond him today.

“Um…” Eventually Peter made a timid attempt to intervene. “James? I-I choose Truth.”

“Right you are, Wormtail.”

James smirked at Sirius one last time and then turned away, leaving Sirius to growl in frustration and slump back against the foot of the nearest bed, sulking.  

The game lurched onwards, but Remus was starting to feel done with it. Sirius kept glancing over at him at random moments, scowling, and looking away. Remus wasn’t sure what this fixation was about, but he didn’t like it. It wasn’t his fault he hadn’t kissed anyone yet. He honestly didn’t understand how the others even managed to find time to date at all, what with the way the professors were piling on the homework lately. Although, he supposed the rest of them didn’t have to deal with being partially or fully unfunctional for several days every month.

Besides, aside from a brief obsession with Ahmud in Ravenclaw, Remus had only ever wanted to kiss one person, and that had never seemed likely to happen.

Or at least, that’s what he thought, right up until it was James’ turn to choose a person again, and he chose Sirius, and Sirius chose Dare. Read the rest on AO3! 

#remus/sirius #wolfstar #sirius/remus #xinasvoice #hp podfic #marauders era #harry potter fanfiction

[aspaceformyselffics09]

Chapter 3 - The first meeting

A/N: Finally! I’m finally getting to post this after days of crying over this. Please forgive me, if the writing’s a bit lousy. I tried my best :(

Summary: Sometimes, falling can be a new beginning. And like wise, loosing something may also be the first step to finding something else. That in which, both you and yoongi were dealing to survive with the ghosts of your past, but when the two of you cross paths, will you be each other’s strengths and get through whatever is holding you back? I’m shit at summaries, please forgive me.

Pairing: Yoongi x reader (ft. Namjoon)

Genre: Angst, romance, slice of life, slow burn, is there fluff? I don’t know, non idol AU

Warnings: None here

Word count: 2k

Chapter 2 - Chapter 4

Namjoon was late. He was extraordinarily late. And Yoongi was bored. Very bored. He was sitting in front of the desk Namjoon usually occupied in his office behind Seokjin’s restaurant. His head leaning over his hand that was resting on the table, and his other hand playing with some papers scattered across it. It was around 10:30 am in the morning and Yoongi had been sitting in front of that desk for about two hours by now. And as much as he doesn’t want to admit it, he was getting irritated and impatient. A text from Namjoon exactly half an hour ago told him that the boy was going to make it in the next fifteen minutes, but 30 minutes went by and there’s still no sight of that man.

The weather outside was bleary. An aftermath of a stormy night. The sky was a mixture of greys, whites and some hues of light blue here and there. Cold wind graced the streets of Seoul, while the sun hid behind a canopy of clouds peeking out every now and then as if playing hide and seek with the billions of people that roamed the planet. It was the kind of weather that makes you want to snuggle yourself deeper under your blankets and sleep in. But, as for Yoongi, he found himself awake before he usually does. Actually, to be very honest, he was awakened by the sound of his phone buzzing constantly on the side table. It was Namjoon calling him at ass O’ clock in the morning, because he wanted to see the photos he snapped the other day at the venue. Scowling to himself, he grumbled his way out of the bed and plopped himself at the kitchen counter while still sleepy. Even Jimin was surprised. His roommate was definitely not someone who’d wake up before 9 am. And yet, there Yoongi was. Up and about at 8 am. A whole hour before his usual time. 

A whole hour.

This probably explains why he was a bit extra grumpy when Namjoon did not turn up at the specified time. Yoongi sincerely hoped, the boy didn’t accidentally crash something or set his home on fire. Yes, Namjoon was very capable of that. Stifling a yawn, he continued to poke around on the objects on the table. 

A bare attempt to pass the time.

A bare attempt to keep himself from falling asleep right then and there.

---

It’s been days since you’ve kept to yourself in your apartment. You haven’t really been doing much. The most you’ve willed yourself to do was to laze around the house, watch some TV, eat if hungry (You haven’t been cooking so it’s mostly take out or convenience store food), and maybe if you’re in the mood, you’d lounge around in your balcony. And if not, you’d just lay back in your couch and watch as the sky changed colors outside. Well, to be honest, there isn’t much to do either. You’ve kept your apartment sparse, as if you’re only expecting a temporary stay. Not many visitors either, other than Namjoon who kept on insisting that you have to get out of your house every now and then. 

And of course, you being you paid no heed to his words. It wasn’t that there was something stopping you from going outside, but just that, you found no real reason to go outside. You never really were an outdoor person. You liked the indoors, the warmth, the comfort and safety the four walls around you offered. It was as simple as that. Nothing big, nothing small, just that. But Namjoon being Namjoon, insisted that you need it.

“It’s a necessity!” He emphasised as he accidentally tripped over the coffee table in your living room and knocked himself out on the sofa, “You need it!”

“Not really,” You thought to yourself but didn’t say it out loud. After all Namjoon was really trying hard to help you as best as he can. 

“You need to get out of the house every now and then Y/nie,” He continued, “Staying at home and moping around won’t solve your problems.”

You sighed. You can’t blame him. Ever since your break down at the gallery, Namjoon was being a bit extra worried about you. Checking up on you twice or thrice a day, making sure to stop by your place every now and then, getting you home cooked meals, making sure you get proper sleep etc. The attention felt nice, you know how much Namjoon cares about you. It’s very evident in his every word, every action. But, there’s always a but. You couldn't help but feel like you were a liability, like you were incapable of taking care of yourself without the help of a third person. It wasn’t his fault. You knew your train of thought comes from a place where you’re frustrated with yourself. Unable to move forward, unable to dwell in the past. Stuck at a point/ place you couldn’t quite wrap your head around. As if you were lost in a never ending void. 

Falling

Falling

Falling and

Falling.

The breakdowns happened every now and then. It was nothing new for you. By this point, you’ve learned to live with it, the pain. You’ve learnt to deal with it by yourself. But Namjoon wouldn’t let go. And to be honest, it wasn’t a bad thing.

“Why don’t you come with me to work?” He said, expectantly looking up at you, his dimpled smile decorating his face, “most of my friends are artists or people who are into similar fields. I’m sure you’ll all get along great.” 

“I don’t know Joon…” You said, leaning back into your chair, your hand coming up to rub your temples, “You know how I am in social situations, I get very awkward and meeting new people is always scary.”

“No Y/n, no,” Namjoon nodded, “I promise you, these guys you’re going to meet they’re great, you’ll love them! They’re absolutely hilarious and are basically just a bunch of crackheads. You won’t regret this. You have my word!”

“I’m not so sure Joon…” You whispered, this time staring at the ceiling, your eyes trailing over the white washed walls, the bare minimum furniture and finally on to the photograph that stood on the side of your desk. You immediately turned your eyes away to a more exciting spot on the floor. 

“Try Y/nie,” Was all Namjoon said, “I swear, if you don’t like it, I won’t force you. But, please give it a try.”

You didn’t say anything for a while but continued to stare at the spot on the floor. You then slowly lifted your eyes, back to the photograph, “The last time, when I broke down at the gallery, it kind of overwhelmed me,” You admitted, “I don’t want a repeat of the same scenario and also...The very last time I had any kind of socializing was when I was with him. And after he was gone…”

“I understand Y/n,” Namjoon replied, his voice soft, his hands wrapping around your own, “I really do, after all, the incident affected me as much as it did to you. He was someone you loved, but he was also my best friend. The one and only.”

You instinctively snapped your head to look at him. Namjoon was looking at you, his lips spread in a wistful smile. Sometimes you tend to forget. You two were in this together, you always had been. It was as hard on him as it was on you. Namjoon might fuss about you, sometimes go an extra mile just to make you feel you aren’t alone. But perhaps, his actions come from a place, far lonelier than you anticipated. And just one look at the guy in front of you, you could feel your resolve fade away.

“Okay,” You said, your throat going dry, “Okay, I’ll come with you.”

Namjoon beamed at you, his face lighting up like a thousand suns.

“Thank you,” He said, “Thank you so much.”

---

It was almost 11 when Yoongi decided to ditch Namjoon’s office and head towards Seokjin’s restaurant. He might as well keep himself busy with the elder’s company until Namjoon shows up. For the most part it was like any other day, filled to the brim with customers. There were couples, some families and some teenagers lingering around here and there. A typical restaurant setting one may say. It may be one,  but it always gave Yoongi the sense of a very laid back lounge. 

The scent of coffee and breakfast being served filled the area in a sweet amalgamation of aromas. The warmth in his surroundings wrapped him in a sense of comfort from the discordance of his inner world and gave him peace that soothed his nerves. And subconsciously Yoongi found himself smiling. It was weird how a place that he didn’t have a long history with resonated with him much more than his own home. After looking around for a while, he found the elder seated along with Taehyung and Jungkook in one of the corners of the seating area while sharing a delicious breakfast among themselves. He made his way toward them and sat himself down on one of the free cushions. 

“Yoongi Hyung!” Taehyung and Jungkook perked up the moment they saw the elder nestle himself next to them, “Good morning!”

“Morning,” Yoongi grumbled helping himself to some bacon from the plate in front of him, not even bothering to check whose it was. 

“You look like you had quite a morning,” Jin remarked, noticing the ghastly state of Yoongi’s face to which the later just shrugged.

“Woke up earlier than usual, was supposed to meet Namjoon 3 hours ago but the boy is nowhere to be found.”

“Oh no,” Jin laughed, “Not surprised but I hope he’s still alive.”

“Hyung said something about bringing a friend along,” Jungkook supplied from in front of him, “I think he might’ve been late because of that?”

“Oh yeah,” Jin agreed, “He mentioned something along the same lines to me too.”

“How come he didn’t say anything about this to me and yet I’m the one he called out at some ungodly hours in the morning and left to wait?” Yoongi raised an eyebrow.

“Awwww,” Taehyung cooed, “You look so cute when you sulk hyung.”

“I’m not cute,” Yoongi pouted crossing his arms, “I’m mad, very mad.”

“Very cute,” Jungkook agreed while Jin tried hard to stifle some laughter. 

“Also Yoongi 8’ O clock is not some ungodly hours in the morning,” Jin retorted.

“Shut up,” He scowled, then asked, “Anyway, who’s this person? Someone we know?”

“Not sure,” Jin said, “But apparently she was one of the exhibitors during the gallery week.”

“Oh?” Yoongi raised an eyebrow, “ Someone we can recognise then.”

“No shit,” Taehyung and Jungkook bounced from next to Yoongi, their eyes glowing, “How come he didn’t introduce us that day?”

“Was it that artist who drew painted only the bamboo?” Jungkook asked his mouth stuffed with a load of bread and eggs.

“Or!” Taehyung continued, “Was it that really cool dude who used calligraphy as a medium of art?”

“I don’t really know,” Jin dismissed them, “He never mentioned anything but only said that she was a super shy person and super awkward in social situations. So be nice incase he actually brings her here.”

“Great!” Taehyung exclaimed, “We’ll get along plenty!” 

“If that’s the case, you might just scare her off Taehyung,” Yoongi remarked off handedly. 

“I’m offended!” Taehyung pouted, “I’ll be amazing! You just see! We’ll be best friends in no time!”

“Sure, sure.”

Their bickering was soon interrupted by a distant chime of a bell in the background, signalling the entry of new customers. 

“Oh! Namjoon hyung is here!” Jungkook exclaimed turning in the direction of the door. Soon, everyone whipped their heads towards the same. And sure enough, there Namjoon was casually walking toward their direction. His face broke into a sheepish smile upon meeting Yoongi’s gaze. His hand scratching the back of his head. A silent apology for making him wait for almost three hours. Yoongi shot daggers along his way.  And that was when he noticed you, a small petite figure walking timidly along Namjoon’s side. Your hand curling around one of Namjoon’s arms, your eyes nervously darting across the area. There was something about you that he couldn’t quite fathom. Like the whisperings of a memory long forgotten or an old tale lost in the depths of time. And then, somewhere at the back of his mind, an image flashed across his eyes. 

The familiar color of a faint blue swimming in the depths of pitch black.

#btsbookclub #kwritersworldnet #yoongi x reader #yoongi x y/n #yoongi x you #yoongi angst #yoongi series #yoongi scenarios #yoongi fanfic #yoongi fanfiction #bts yoongi #min yoongi #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #member x reader #kpop fanfiction #kpop fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #namjoon x reader #kim namjoon

[rkjordan]

bae jinyoung’s private TRC audition rapping to lose yourself by eminem ft. a ukulele  (0:00-1:47)

come to think of it, he never really envisioned this particular situation ever happening.

jordan anthony bae getting scouted after singing some really weird song he was pretty sure not many people in seoul had ever heard of before. because come on, who thought that was ever going to happen? he certainly didn’t. so when he had been handed that business card and told to call to make an audition by some creepy guy dressed all in dark clothes he had though he had just hallucinated the whole thing. the guy who had handed it to him in the first place had sort of looked like something you might see in one of your nightmares. maybe he was so high of the adrenaline from performing that he’d made everything up on the spot. that sounded plausible enough. however, when he got home from the event and reached into his pockets and found the card again, it turned out it had actually happened and they were probably expecting a phone call from him. 

and he was not someone who liked to disappoint, so had picked up that phone and scheduled an audition without even considering what he was getting himself into. 

it was only once he put the phone did he realize what he had gone and done. what an idiot he was. jordan knew full well that his brain went and worked faster than the rest of him and it usually meant he got himself stuck in some situation he had to struggle through, but this was something else entirely. while it would not the be the first time performing and making a fool of himself, this was supposed to be a serious audition. 

people’s futures generally relied on these auditions and he had absolutely no dreams to really be an idol. he just sung and played the ukulele for the fun of it on youtube. but many people his age were fighting every day of their lives for a chance to debut, or even get noticed by a company in the first place. and him, the dumb american who did nothing but mess around and make shit explode had been handed a business card by one of the biggest companies in all of south korea. 

admittedly, he almost felt a little guilty about it. but, now he had scheduled an audition he knew he was not going to back of things now. he was going to show up and he was going to have to come up with a performance to show. though he promised himself then and there that he wasn’t going to change just because this might be serious. he was going to go in there and be himself and screw what everyone thought about it. it was not like he really cared about the result, trc would know exactly what they would be getting if they somehow decided they wanted him under their label. 

and when they realised what they would get, they would probably regret ever approaching him in the first place. 

step one of the process was working out what he was going to be doing. dancing was completely out of the question, and as he was told he couldn’t sing, he supposed he was just going to have to rap something. second step was trying to work out what song he would actually be comfortable enough with rapping. it was not like he was a main rapper or anything, the only rap songs he had ever done was while wearing sunglasses and aggressively headbanging for youtube. 

it had taken some days to come up with song and many many hours lounging back on his sofa humming under his breath and aimlessly plucking at his ukulele for some sort of inspiration. and that was exactly how he ended up coming up with a decision. he’d just been sitting there, ukulele resting on his chest as he plucked at the strings aimlessly as he watched some youtube video. that’s when he realised he had subconsciously started to play eminem. perhaps a bit of a weird and bold choice, and it was in english and not in korean, but they hadn’t specified that the song had to be a korean song. all they had told him that he couldn’t sing. and they hadn’t said anything about not being aloud to bring his ukulele with him as well. 

so, with that all decided, all it took now was the rest of his time to sit around and practice and get the chords correct. the second part wasn’t hard, he had a good ear for this kind of thing and within the hour he was strumming out the correct melody and had the whole song down to a T. it was the first part which took the time. while he did have plans of getting some youtube content posted, all of that was put to the side for the time being, a small apology posted on his instagram and twitter, just stating that ‘something had come up’ and there wouldn’t be any videos for a little bit. and with that out of the way he could now spend all his time trying to get this stupid song sorted in his head ready to perform for an audition. 

by the end of it all he still wouldn’t really say that he was rapper material. still just some idiot university student looking to have a good time and bring enjoyment to people. but he supposed that idols were sort of the same, they brought joy to people all of the time so what was the difference between him and them? well, besides the fact they were all ten times more talented than he was and ten times better looking as well and the years and years of training they had behind them. but besides that. nothing. 

cutting down the song to under two minutes was also an easy enough job and had only taken him a couple of minutes and a stopwatch app on his phone. and, with that all done and dusted he supposed there was nothing holding him back from the audition. while he was sure that it was not going to go well. not because he would mess something up, but because they would be completely baffled by what they were being forced to sit through. maybe he should make a personal goal to actually get through the audition without being kicked out of the building? that would be a nice goal, though maybe unlikely considering this was him they were talking about here. 

the day of the audition dawned and jordan was in usual high spirits about everything. he wasn’t worried in the slightest about what he was going to do. it would be amusing, probably just for himself, and that was all he really cared about. it was not really like he was planning on getting himself a contract and actually worrying about being a trainee. how could he be a trainee, run his two youtube channels and attend all his lectures at the same time? he was only human and he could only do so much. besides, it was not like he would have to worry about it because the contract would likely go to someone far more talented and worthy than him. someone who actually cared deeply about this life. 

grabbing a certain something and slipping them into the pocket of his jacket, jordan grabbed one of his many ukulele’s on the way out, easily slinging it across his back as he shoved his hands into his pockets, making sure to lock the front door before he left. because he couldn’t leave it open, what happened if he got robbed or something? 

there was a whistle on his lips as he walked the distance between his home and the company building, a grin on his face and hands shoved leisurely into his pockets. there was absolutely nothing he was worried about, what was really the worst that could happen? they didn’t offer him a contract. that was hardly the end of the world. maybe if he cared more about being an idol then he would be pretty heartbroken to be rejected, but he didn’t worry about that sort of stuff. this was just for fun. mostly. 

introducing himself at the front desk, he couldn’t help but notice the rather strange look the receptionist was giving him. not that jordan paid her any mind, just grinning the whole time he was pointed towards some seats to wait in until he was called for his audition. jordan simply thanked the woman as he moved towards them, taking the ukulele off his back so he could sit down, though he more slouched than sat while he waited, resting the back of his head against the top of the chair, humming rather pleasantly as he stared up at the ceiling. 

only when he heard his name did he lower his head again, fighting off the wide grin as he practically jumped up to his feet. this was it, he supposed. there really was no turning back now. well, he supposed he could just turn around and leave without a word, but why would he want to do that now he had bothered to come all the way here and spent all those hours coming up with a song and practising? 

he was led through the corridors towards one of the rooms and told to enter, but he paused just outside the door. instead of walking straight in he rummaged in his pockets for a moment, grinning as his hands wrapped around his sunglasses. he had promised himself he was going to be himself and this was all part of that. unfolding them with one hand, he easily slipped them up his nose, ruffled up the front of his hair with the same hand before reaching out and pushing open the door and walking into his fate. 

what he didn’t expect to see was tiger jk sitting there. 

it seems when he had made his audition they had decided not to tell him that the ceo of the whole bloody company was going to be sitting in watching him. that was probably an important detail they should have told him before he had walked into the room with sunglasses on. but now it was a little too late to back from things now, just grinning as he pushed the sunglasses back up his nose, casually strolling towards the middle of the room. and that’s where he stopped, turning to face the front in almost a military manner before bowing forward, holding his ukulele close to him to stop it just hanging there. 

“yo,” he spoke in a rather casual tone despite the seriousness of the whole situation, “i’m the ukuele guy. or, you know, bae jinyoung. but i usually just go by jordan, really.” he probably shouldn’t be speaking so casually about this, but he couldn’t help himself. they were going to see his true colours. and he was actually just a little surprised he hadn’t been asked to leave the building already. “just want to say thanks for the opportunity and all,” at least he was still being somewhat polite about everything. he was speaking to the ceo here and not just some random judges, “i’m going to be sure to put on a show for you. i hope you enjoy. also i do apologize in advance for my rapping,” he cut off with a small laugh and a smile, “i’m not that much of a rapper. but i’m going to give it a go.”

maybe he should just stop talking and get on with things now. he was here to perform, not to stand there and blather about meaningless things. “anyway,” he rubbed the back of his neck before smiling and bowing forward again, “listen well and enjoy.” it was all he could really say about what was about to happen before he cleared his throat, glancing down at the instrument against his chest. 

well, no turning back now. 

he took just a moment to compose himself before starting to pluck at the strings, the familiar opening to ‘lose yourself’ coming out in ukulele form as he rocked a little on his feet. it was just easing into things. he’d decided to include the intro as well because he simply thought it sounded better, and because he admittedly did want to show off a little with the ukulele as well instead of just standing there and simply rapping. he’d also decided to go more than just a couple of seconds under two minutes because that also just fit better. a lot of rapping happened in that time so he wasn’t really worried about it and he was sure it would all turn out for the best. 

look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted, in one moment would you capture it, or just let it slip?

he was speaking the familiar lyrics, trying very hard to die down on the boston accent which usually accompanied his english. you just couldn’t rap well with a heavy boston accent, he had found that out the hard way. he also found that his head was already banging just a little, up and down in a steady motion in time with the strums on the ukulele strings, almost out of habit at this point. he was the ukulele guy, the sunglasses wearing headbanging musician known by quite a few thousand people on youtube. and now these judges and tiger jk himself were going to know that as well. 

whether they wanted to or not. 

yo! his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy there's vomit on his sweater already: mom's spaghetti he's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready to drop bombs, but he keeps on forgetting what he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud he opens his mouth, but the words won't come out he's choking, how? everybody's joking now the clock's run out, time's up, over, blaow!

maybe he was having more fun with this than he thought he would, but it was pretty fun to try and rap even though he knew he was no high class rapper. and even if he had chosen a korean song he knew it would just be the same. everything would end with him standing here, a ukulele around his neck and sunglasses pushed up over his nose and head rocking up and down in a rhythmic motion whether he wanted it to or not. and he was perfectly alright with that, no point in trying to be someone he was not just because he thought it might make people think he was weird. because yeah, he was weird, everyone said so and it was the reason a lot of people watched his youtube covers in the first place. 

snap back to reality, ope there goes gravity, ope there goes rabbit, he choked, he's so mad but he won't give up that easy, no, he won't have it, he knows his whole back's to these ropes, it don't matter, he's dope he knows that but he's broke, he's so stagnant, he knows when he goes back to this mobile home, that's when it's back to the lab again yo, this whole rhapsody better go capture this moment and hope it don't pass him, and

it was going straight into the chorus and jordan was showing no signs of slowing down. the rocking motion had moved from his head and was now taking over his entire body at this point. and he was grinning the whole time through his words. his fingers never stopped plucking at the ukulele strings, keeping the song going towards the best part as he broke out into his true performer mode. nothing holding him back now, he hadn’t been told to stop so they were simply going to get the whole deal. this was him and he was not backing down now. 

you better lose yourself in the music the moment, you own it, you better never let it go you only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow this opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo you better lose yourself in the music the moment, you own it, you better never let it go you only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow this opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo

he finished with one dramatic strum of the ukulele, a large grin on his features, head bowed just a little as he struck some sort of rocker pose, one hand towards the sky in a rock symbol. though he didn’t hold the position for very long, straightening out again as he gave a rather toothy grin towards the judges and tiger jk. “betcha weren’t expecting that, huh?” he really couldn’t help himself, keeping the grin on his face, catching his ukulele with one hand as he bowed forward again now his performance was over and done with. though his sunglasses slipped forward as he bent forward, so he pushed them back up his nose when he stood up straight again. 

“thank you for listening and thank you again for the opportunity. it was fun,” and it really was, if not shown by the expression on the face and how much fun he had just had. maybe rapping wasn’t all that bad and while he was sure he was not about to become some world renown rapper, he didn’t care. 

but he couldn’t stay for any longer, bowing forward again to try and see polite as possible before moving back towards the door. though he couldn’t help himself as he turned his head, making a phone signal with his hand as he raised it to his ears, mouthing a quick ‘call me’ as he reached the door. though he realised how stupid he was being, letting out a large laugh at himself as he shook his head, the grin still on his face the whole time as he pushed open the door from the audition room and back into the hallway he had come from. 

when he was outside the door he just stood there for a moment, grinning at the wall before laughing out loud, shaking his head as he thought back on what had just happened. he had really just asked tiger jk, the tiger jk to call him with a cheeky grin on his face. after performing that song. what on earth must those people in that room think of him now? ah well, it was a little late to take back what he had just done, but as he took the sunglasses off and tucked them back into his pocket he found he really didn’t care much what they thought about him. 

this was who he was, the american born nineteen year old dumbass who made a fool of himself online for the hell of it and for the enjoyment or others. there was no point in pretending that he was anyone else. and if they wanted to take a chance on him even after seeing this, then they were just going to have to accept the real him. nothing less than that. because he would not play to some silly standards just to seem ‘normal’ to the rest of the word. he was jordan anthony bae and he was going to be the foolish musician until the day he breathed his last. and the world better accept that. 

#rkwinterscout #❛ solo #❛ word count: 3005 w/o lyrics #❛ word count: 3266 #(what did you think he was going to take this seriously) #(it's long again I'm SORRY) #(the header is me @ jordan because goddammit kid you're a handful) #(yes i wrote a 3K word solo at 3/4am what of it?) #(when rkjordan wants to write the kid wants to write) #(it's just memes)

[survivingthejungle]

Little Lies ii— tommy shelby

this is my fifth attempt to post without either losing it or accidentally deleting it and if it doesnt work i’ll kill myself THANKS

@namelesslosers

The next morning your parents had gone off to the market to buy some groceries; your pantry was running low. They had asked you if you’d like to join them, but you declined. You didn’t want to be going anywhere anytime soon—not after what had happened yesterday. You were sitting downstairs at the kitchen table drinking a cup of coffee and looking through the window at the little meadow out past the garden in your backyard. Suddenly there was a knock at the door. You were startled a bit; you weren’t expecting visitors and you knew it couldn’t be your parents because they’d left not ten minutes prior. You almost didn’t answer the door, fearing it to be one of the men from yesterday, until— “(Y/N)? It’s just me, sweetheart, you’re safe.” Oh, thank God, you thought, just Tommy.

You opened the door for him and let him inside, shutting and bolting it after it had closed again. “I didn’t know you were coming by,” you admitted.

“I told you I’d check up on you, little bird,” he reminded you, taking his coat off. It seemed he was planning on staying for a while. You offered to take it from him and hung it up in the front closet, then led him to the kitchen.

“Do you want any coffee? My family isn’t big on tea; I know that’s a super British thing so if you want I can make some—”

“Coffee’s fine, sweetheart. Thank you.” He seated himself down at the table and kept his focus on you as you moved about. “How ‘ave you been holding up? Since yesterday?” he asked, voice low and nearly monotonous.

Your back was facing him while you pour the coffee and you stood still a moment before responding. You turned back around with a courteous smile. “I’m fine,” you pushed. “I didn’t get hurt or anything; I’m alright.” He knew you were only being polite and not speaking with honesty.

“No, you’re not. And after yesterday, you deserve to know what’s going on.” You set the mug down and sat a few seats away from him, your own mug still full enough. You raised your eyebrows so slightly it was barely noticeable; he continued. “You’ll remember I said my family pissed some people off.”

“Yes.”

“It’s a bit more than that. You’ve never been to Birmingham, am I correct?”

“Yeah, we haven’t been there yet.”

“In Birmingham, there is a prominent gang known as the Peaky Blinders. It’s run by the Shelby family.” He looked at you to try to find any semblance of panic in your expression. All he found was a look of confusion; like you were about to realize something you didn’t want to. “That’s my family. That’s the business I run.”

“But I thought…” you trailed off. Didn’t he once say he owned something called Shelby Company Limited?

“The company’s a front. It’s real, of course, but it’s through the Blinders we make all of our real deals. We’re sending alcohol to your country right now, in fact.” You nodded, accepting all of this new information as best you could. “And now we’ve gone and pissed off that family of Italians; the ones from America.”

“Yeah, I remember that part.”

“Another gang family. They’re the mafia type.” At this your eyes widened, and it wasn’t subtle like the eyebrow raised.

“Hold on! Are you telling me I was being shot at by the mafia yesterday?” You were beginning to spiral into a panicking fit. “I move to a new country and the first goddamn thing that happens is someone tries to murder me!”

“(Y/N), (Y/N),” Tommy interrupted, grabbing your hand in his. “Listen to me, little bird. No one’s going to hurt you. I’ll keep an eye on you, alright? I promise. No one’s gonna think to come after you; but I’ll make sure that you’re looked after, alright?” Your eyes were slightly glassy as you were still understanding the weight of what had just been thrown at you. You nodded anyways, just wishing that things had gone differently yesterday and that there was no need for this. Even if you did really like the nicknames he gave to you, or how he held you close when you got freaked out. He stood up and stood beside your chair. “Look at me. C’mere.” He gestured for you to stand up and you did, your hand still held by his own. He wrapped his arms around you and brought a hand to your hair, smoothing it down gently. “Calm down, yeah? No one’s gonna come after you. I’ll make sure of it. You’ll be okay. Shh,” he whispered as your breathing became uneven and a few tears slipped out.

“God, I’m sorry,” you told him as you pulled away after a moment. You wiped your face with the back of you hand. “You must think I’m such a crybaby.”

“You’re upset, and you’re scared, and you’re young. Too young for this,” he muttered to himself, “I’m used to it. Been used to it my whole life.”

“That’s terrible.”

“It is what it is, love,” he responded, looking down at you. He smiled softly and put a palm on your cheek, brushing your cheekbone with his thumb. “I’m going to have one of my boys bring you into Birmingham tomorrow. There’s something there I think you might like. And you deserve to go ‘ave fun after yesterday. Alright?”

“Oh; yeah, sure. Sounds good,” you smiled, really trying to seem like you were fine again. You suspected he knew you were faking it, but he took the bait regardless. With a goodbye and a promise of return, he grabbed his coat and was out the door once again.

—

“Mama can I go into town tomorrow?”

“What for, honey?”

“Just to check it out. I don’t really know where anything is yet, I should probably learn my way around.”

“Is anyone going with you?”

“No; I can handle it by myself. If I get super lost I can always call.”

Your mother hesitated. She finished drying the last of the dishes before turning around to face you, leaning on the kitchen counter. You were seated at the dining room table again, this time with a half-eaten plate of fried potatoes. “You’d better be careful.”

“I will, Mama. Promise,” you grinned, thanking her for letting you go. You almost felt terrible for not telling her the truth, but you convinced yourself that you weren’t really lying, either. You never specified which town you were going into, and it was true that no one was going with you—only bringing you there.

“What time are you gonna go?”

“Uh… I don’t know.” Did Tommy ever say when he’d send someone for you? “Probably the afternoon.”

“Your father and I will be gone by then, I think. Going to see about getting some new livestock.” Your face lit up.

“Can we get some more chickens?”

—

A very shiny, very expensive looking Bentley pulled up to the front of your house at about eleven. Is this the kind of car that gangsters drive? Very inconspicuous, you mused. The driver shut the engine off and made his way on the little path in your front pard toward the door. You’d been watching from the upstairs window in your bedroom. You slipped your shoes on and grabbed a jacket before running down the steps, just as the doorbell rang. You opened it up to greet the boy who’d been assigned to pick you up. “Hi. My name’s Finn. ‘M Tommy’s brother,” he introduced himself, extending his hand to shake your own.

“Nice to meet you, Finn.”

“You too. (Y/N), Right?”

“Yeah, that’s me.” You grabbed a spare house key and locked the door, shutting it as you two made your way down the path to to car.

“You’re American?”

“Born and raised,” you confirmed.

“Think I might be going to New York soon. You ever been?”

“No; but I’ve always wanted to. My family’s from Virginia. It’s pretty boring, nothing but farms.” Finn smiled at that.

“And now that you’re all the way across the pond, you’re…”

“Back on another farm,” you laughed. He opened the passenger door for you and helped you step inside. “It’s weird that you guys drive on the left side of the road.”

“Not for me, it’s not,” he responded, getting into his side and starting the car up again. “I think you Yanks are weird for drivin’ on the right.”

“Good point.”

“You excited?” he asked, glancing over at you. “For today.”

“I might be, if Tommy’d ever told me where I was going.” Finn looked at you with a surprised expression.

“He didn’t say?”

“No, only that it was ‘fun’. Do you know?”

“Yeah, yeah; we’re going to the races today. Tommy’s got a horse running. It’s gonna win.”

“You that sure?”

“Tommy’s horses always win,” he deadpanned, but still with the hint of a smirk on his face. “He’s always been good with ‘em.”

“Really? Me too. Before we moved I had a horse. ‘Big Brown’; I named him when I was five,” you giggled. He did too. “When we left we let our neighbors have him. He’s a good horse,” you recalled, looking out at the vast pastures you were speeding by.

“I bet Tommy’ll let you meet the horses, if you want.”

“You think?”

“Yeah, why not? He’s bringin’ you all the way out there, might as well.”

—

Finn guided you into a room at the racetrack complex where Tommy was waiting. “We’re here, Tommy,” He called, knocking on the door before pushing it open.

“Come on in,” Tommy called. You couldn’t see where he was but you heard his voice clear as day. You waited for Finn to come in with you, but he just stood at the door gesturing for you to enter.

“You’re not coming?” you whispered to him.

He shook his head. “No. Tommy’s got me on another job. You’ll be fine,” he promised, before gently pushing the small of your back with his hand, forcing you inside. You tried to stop him, suddenly very nervous without your new friend; but he was gone and now it was just you and Tommy. And, you supposed, whoever else was in the viewing box.

“Would you like a drink?” he asked, coming around the corner and into the bar area next to the door.

“Uh.. no, no thanks.”

“Very well,” he assented, talking time to concoct something for himself. “Go on, sit down, love. Race’s about to start. You’ll like it.” You obeyed and sat down on the little couch area facing the track; the only barrier was a little wall that stood about thigh-high and an awning to stop the sun from shining too intensely. He sat down beside you shortly after, taking a sip of his drink. You guessed it to be whiskey. “Y’see that horse, right there? The black one?” You nodded. “That’s mine.”

“Really? It’s so pretty,” you noted, admiring the sleek black coat and muscular stance.

“His names’s ‘Nighttime’. Charlie named him,” he chuckled, taking another sip of his drink. “Kids don’t think too much into it.”

“Hey, it’s better than the name I gave to my horse,” you joked. “When I was four I named mine ‘Big Brown’. Tommy laughed again at this; so did you.

“You had horses? Back in America?”

“Yeah. He was really great. Sweet horse,” you remembered, reminiscing on all your years with him. “He lives with our old neighbors now.”

“How’d you like to meet some of my horses?” he offered.

“Really? You’d let me?” you asked, eyes wide and sparkling. He admired your expression for a moment.

“‘Course, little bird. Anything for you. It’s the least I can do.”

“No… This is a lot of you. I wouldn’t say it’s the least.”

“Well, maybe I just think you deserve it.”

You looked at him, head slightly tilted, unreadable looks on either of your faces. You were afraid a blush rose to your cheeks, but you couldn’t tell; you hoped one wasn’t there. “I’d really like that,” you admitted, finally.

After a few moments of silence: “How old are you?” Ah, here it is. The dealbreaker. It’s been nice flirting with you, Tommy Shelby.

“I’m nineteen.”

“You’re nearly an adult,” he noted, trying to come off as blasé as possible.

“Some people would say I already am,” you retorted, trying to lighten the heavy weight you felt in the room. He smirked at this.

“Would you say you are?”

You hesitated. “I… I don’t know.”

He gave his opinion next. “You’re young, but you’re a smart girl. More mature than most people I know. Much more mature than Finn, at least, and he’s about your age.”

“You think so?”

“Oh, yes,” he emphasized. “Just look at what happened the other day. You got right back up and kept on with your day. Never let it seem to bother you, even if it did. You don’t act like a nineteen year old girl, that’s for sure.”

The races were about to start, but you were too distracted, preoccupied, and confused by what Tommy had said. “Is that��� bad? Or…”

His head was fully turned toward you now. “No. No, it’s not,” he assured you.

—

Tommy’s horse won— big surprise. After the races, like promised, the both of you went down to look at him and a few others. He was a beautiful, majestic black mare with a strikingly clean coat and an intense gaze. As soon as you were within petting distance you walked up to him. “Hi, pretty boy,” you cooed, stroking the side of his face. “Did you win today? Oh, good job!” The horse was apparently revelling in the attention and praise, whipping his tail and pressing his face toward your hand more.

Tommy was entertained by the sight. He knew it wasn’t what he needed to be worrying about right now, what with the New York Mafia after him and his family, but he couldn’t shake the thought of you from his mind. Clearly. It shouldn’t have been a prevalent issue for him, being interested in a woman—a nineteen year old, at that— but yet there was something about you that kept him constantly at bay. Maybe it was the fact that you were an expatriate that made you particularly exciting, or that you were clearly so well-versed with horses, or that you were so young that made him want you; whatever the reason was, the result was the same—he wanted you. And as Tommy Shelby was never one to follow the rules, he was going to have you, as well.

—

The moment you asked if you would be allowed up on the horse, he immediately gave you permission, actually really wanting to see how well you were able to handle one. You didn’t disappoint; having grown up on a farm and riding horses all your life, it came as second nature to you. Tommy was enamored, there was no denying it. “Looks like he likes you,” he noted. “Usually doesn’t like strangers.”

You smiled from up on his back. “Guess I’m just special, then.”

“That you are, bird. You’re something else,” he murmured.

—

Tommy took the liberty of driving you back home. He could see you were almost considering not getting into the same car as him, considering what happened last time, but he assured you that the events of three days ago would never happen again. “Promise you no one’s going to start shooting,” he spoke lowly into your ear, gently grabbing your elbow and guiding you to the car. “We’re on Blinder’s turf. Got men at every turn watching out for us.” You felt a breath leave your chest.

“You’re sure?” you questioned.

”Absolutely.” Once he helped you up and you got settled in the front seat, he walked around to the other side of the car and got in. Starting it up, he looked at you again. “D’your parents know you’re here?” he asked you.

“Uh… sort of?” you offered, a small nervous smile on your face. “I asked them if I could go out… I just never said where.”

He chuckled. “Clever girl,” he praised. Your heart fluttered like it had been all day. You returned home soon enough, the conversation flowing naturally throughout the whole car ride— what it was like living in America, who your friends were, silly family stories; you never once worried about the car falling silent. And then you pulled up to the front gate of your family’s cottage. You were just reaching for the door handle when: “(Y/N)?”

“Yes?” you responded, almost afraid that you’d sounded too eager and willing. For what, you weren’t sure.

“Charlie’s needing a babysitter. Would you be interested?” There was more to the question that Tommy was letting on, of course; but if you had any idea, you did a damn good job not showing it.

“Oh, I’d love to!” you gushed. From the stories you’d heard of him, you’d been eager to meet the kid. Tommy smiled. “I’ll be writing to you soon; going out of town for a bit. Take care of yourself, love.”

“You too. Thanks, Tommy.” With that you exited the car and unlocked the front gate, walked down the garden path, and entered your house. Only when the front door was closed did Tommy begin to drive away.

—

You had taken the liberty of bringing in the mail for the past few days. Your reasoning, of course, was purely out of the goodness of your heart; you had absolutely no ulterior motives. You reminded yourself this when finally, one day, a letter arrived addressed to you, in the same flowing handwriting as the dinner invitation.

Dearest little bird,

I hope my letter finds you in good health. I am caught up in London on business for a while and can not get back to you as soon as I would like to. I want to give you a warning— if any other Americans approach you and happen to be Italian, don’t speak a word to them. They are not above harming civilians, especially not ones under my protection. Do yourself and your family a favor and trust no one, at least not until I return. When I come back I’ll call for you to come and help take care of Charlie.

See you soon.

Yours,T

Your heart raced with every line. You flipped to the next letter in the pile—it was all the way from America. Charlotte, you thought, and ripped the envelope open, diving right into the contents of the paper inside.

(Y/N), my best friend in the whole world,

I can’t stand living in this town without you! I can barely stand living in this country without you. Why did you have to go and leave me? I can’t very well find another best friend who knows me as well as you do.

When I read your letter I think I nearly died. Do you have a picture of this mystery man? He must be gorgeous if you’re making such a fuss. The only advice I can give you is— go for it! I bet he likes you as well. Lucky for you you live so close! Is he very rich? Maybe the two of you will get married and have two houses: one in England and the other one here, back in Virginia, right next to me!

Missing you bunches. Nothing exciting has happened recently except for my cousin eloping with some boy she met at school. I’m not surprised it happened; I only wish you would’ve been there when we found out. My parents were mortified! It was hilarious. Maybe you and your new man should consider it?

Write back soon and don’t forget about me, Lottie

Reading Charlotte’s letter you nearly laughed out loud a handful of times. You very seriously considered going on the hunt for a picture—any picture, really— of Tommy to send to her. You didn’t want to seem like one of those desperate, obsessive girls that you sometimes heard about in the news, however, so you reeled yourself back in. You weren’t surprised by the news of her cousin, either; you were almost positive she had been talking about Winnie, who had been a rebel and a troublemaker since the very beginning. You only wished you had as much courage as she did.

Dearest Lottie,

If I had the gall, maybe I might try to take a picture. I don’t think I’ll ever be brave enough to do it, so let me describe him for you instead.

Mr. Thomas Shelby is one of the taller men I’ve encountered so far, maybe even ever. He has thick black hair that stays cleanly trimmed on the sides and neat on top. I think he must get his hair cut very regularly. His eyes remind me of the sky, or the ocean; I can’t decide which, but believe me when I say they’re the most strikingly blue eyes you’ve ever seen. He’s never looked at me with anything but a kind expression and it makes my heart flutter.

His cheekbones are to die for. He looks like a perfect roman marble statue; I don’t think God could’ve made them better if he tried. He has a perfect nose. I don’t know what exactly makes it perfect, but it is. And his lips— Charlotte, his lips— I know they’re soft. I can feel it instinctually, they look like satin and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about kissing him. I don’t think I ever could. I’m afraid I’m reading the situation all wrong and if I ever made a move and he didn’t reciprocate, I think I’d have to swim back to Virginia.

Please, please pray for me… if I let this go on any longer I’ll lose my mind. What do I do?

Love you forever, (Y/N)

Again you sealed the letter up and addressed it to her, ready to take it into town someday soon. It was around five o’clock, so you decided to make dinner for yourself, not knowing if your parents would be back home before it got cold.

Then it was six o’clock and you were still home alone, and now it was time to feed the chickens their supper. You took the grains from next to the back door and strolled around in the fenced in field around the coop, throwing handfuls here and there before getting yourself back inside.

At around half past six the sun began to set and still, there was no sign of your parents. You wondered what could be holding them up. Maybe a road got closed off so they had to figure out a new route? Rather than let your mind dwell too long on an issue that very well may not have been serious, you retired upstairs to take a bath, brush your hair, and get dressed in your night clothes. Once your skin and scalp were thoroughly scrubbed and smelled nice and fresh, you exited the tub and dried yourself off. You grabbed your favorite nightgown, a white slip with short sleeves that tended to end up hanging just off of your shoulders and a square neckline exposing your chest just enough to keep it comfortable. You left from the bathroom to your own room and sat down at the vanity in your room to comb through and detangle your long hair.

It had reached about seven o’clock. When your nighttime checklist was all marked off, you looked out the window to try and catch a glimpse of any sign of your parents, until you looked down the road, and—a car was driving up the hill from the direction of town; it could only be your mother and father back from their negotiations. The car pulled in to your driveway and the headlights flashed off, and you could hear a door shut from your third floor attic bedroom. A figure, one you could recognize neither as your mother nor your father could be seen making its way to your front door. Then it knocked, loud and strong, and it made you jump nearly twenty feet in the air.

You were hesitant to answer. The figure didn’t look anything like your parents and you were expecting no visitors; they hadn’t called from anywhere to let you know that they’d be late or that anyone would be coming to the house. The knock came once more. Suddenly there came a tapping, as of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door. ‘Tis a visitor,’ I muttered, ‘tapping at my chamber door— only this, and nothing more’. Your recollection of the chilling Poe poem and its similarity to your current predicament did naught to calm your nerves; but at the third bout of knocking, you figured that the person was not going to leave without seeing someone at the house.

You creaked carefully down the steps, trying desperately to be silent, hoping that if the visitor didn’t hear you that he would leave and you could continue the rest of your evening in peace. But you got to the first floor hallway that led directly to the front door and there was no indication that he had left. A muffled voice then came from outside. “(Y/N)? C’mon bird, open the door. I know you’re in there.” Tommy! With that, you rushed the last few steps over to unlock the bolts and swing the door wide open.

“Hi! What brings you here?” you wondered aloud.

Tommy looked at you with a strikingly serious expression. “We need to leave. Now.” With that he grabbed you by the hand and damn near dragged you out of the house, only barely giving you time to shut the door behind you. You didn’t even have a chance to put on any shoes or slippers or even grab a jacket to keep you warm from the night air. Without any other explanation he led you to the car, unceremoniously made you get on the passenger side, and then got in himself and started the car up, a determined look on his face.

#tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby #dommy tommy ; ) #peaky blinders imagine #peaky fookin blinders #peaky blinders #cillian murphy #finn shelby #my bb boy made a gues appearance #i love him!!

[sigynpenniman]

Hang On All You Want - Julian Bashir x Reader Fluff

Or: I’m sick and writing this stuff to try and comfort myself.

This is shameless, self indulgent, wish fulfillment fluff, but I’ve got a fever and I’m high on prednisone and azithromycin, so even though this should probably stay buried in my phone notes, I’m gonna post it because dangit, there has to be at least one of you who needs some warm fuzzies as much as I do. Still writing in first person because that’s still my preferred, but I deftly avoided having to name or otherwise identify my speaker here so...it’s you, dear reader.

Rating: G, Word Count: ~1,000, fluff, tw/cw: panic, anxiety, nightmares.

I sat straight up in bed and shook myself. I couldn’t even remember what the dream had been, I just knew it messed me up. I groaned aloud.

“Are you alright?” a familiar voice asked from my right. I looked up to see Julian standing in the doorway.

“I thought you were going to leave when I fell asleep again.”

“I planned to” he began. “But it just didn’t feel right. I thought you might need me, and I didn’t want to not be here if you woke up in a panic again.”

“Thank you.”

“Are you alright?” he repeated.

“No.”

Julian walked over and sat down on the bed next to me.

“Can you tell me about it?”

I shook my head. “Even I don’t really remember the dream, to be honest. I just have all the…” I waved my hands to vaguely indicate feelings of anxiety.

“That’s perfectly normal. It’s brain chemistry. Even if the stimulus that starts the emotion isn’t real, your brain is still full of all those chemicals when you wake up. Is there anything I can do?”

I felt a wave of discomfort pass over me and realized that I was more panicky than I had originally thought. I shuddered. Julian reached out to me and rested a warm hand against my forehead.

“You’re quite cold. Let me check you over.”

“Please.” I whispered. Julian pressed two fingers into the side of my neck, silently checking my pulse.

“I don’t think I’ve ever had a patient respond to a request for permission to examine them with ‘Please’.”

I was shaking slightly, and I could tell my brain was shifting into full panic mode. I spoke quietly and weakly.

“I don’t know how to say this without sounding very, very weird.”

“Sound weird all you want.”

“I’ve been your patient so much that it’s all familiar. I know exactly what to expect. At this point being examined by you is…actually very comforting. Calming. Which right now is exactly what I need.”

He smiled softly at me.

“You are, without question, the only person I have ever had tell me that they found medical exams comforting.”

“Only from you.” I specified.

“That’s the greatest compliment a doctor could hear.”

I closed my eyes and focused on his touch as he gave me a cursory, tricorder-free exam, his hands moving from my neck, to my wrists, to my chest, and finally to my stomach. I didn’t really know what he was checking for - and I didn’t care. All that mattered was that he was slow and methodical and gentle, and his touch was familiar and real. It was a tactile sensation in the real, physical world for me to ground myself to and pull myself out of my own head.

“Can you look into my eyes?”

There was something comfortingly doctoral in his tone. I made eye contact with him, and he focused on my eyes for a moment before nodding, apparently content. “Medically you seem fine, but your heart is absolutely pounding.”

“I know.”

“What can I do?”

“Stay. Please? Just stay with me. I just want you close.”

“Of course. Scoot over.”

I scooched over slightly and made room for him. He sat up against the head of the bed next to me.

“You lie back down and rest. I’ll be right here with you.”

I nodded and laid back down. Julian placed his hand on my upper back. I closed my eyes and attempted to drift out of the panic, but instead found myself overtaken by it. I only realized that I was whimpering when Julian reacted to it.

“Easy now. You’re alright.” He spoke softly and slowly, drawing out the words. He pulled me in slightly and began rubbing my back in large, slow circles. I sniffled. Julian continued cooing quietly over me.

“Try and relax. I’m here.”

My whole body was shaking. Julian noticed immediately.

“You’re shaking so hard. Deep, slow breaths, okay? You’re safe.” I did my best to slow and calm my breathing, but it didn’t help much. It was all leftover panic from the dream I couldn’t even remember. Damn brain chemistry.

“Come on - get closer to me.” Julian instructed. I was more than happy to do that.

I pulled myself closer to him until I was lying parallel to one of his long, thin legs. I tossed my leg over his, entangling us at the knee, and pulled myself closer yet so that my body was pressed against his leg all the way down. I rested my head against his thigh, which made for a pretty great pillow. I was still shaking, but he was warm and soft and smelled like Jasmine and antiseptic. That was what he always smelled like, and the familiarity was deeply comforting. Julian returned his hand to my back and I felt my body relax ever so slightly.

“Is that better?” He asked. I nodded and continued to take the deepest breaths I could. But there was a difference now – now that my body was starting to relax, the breathing was actually starting to help. Julian gently stroked my hair.

“It’s okay. I’m here. I’ve got you.”

“I can’t stop shaking.”

“You will. I promise. Talk to me – tell me something interesting.”

“You’re just trying to distract me.”

“That is exactly what I’m doing. So, tell me something interesting!”

I had to smile. I wracked my brain for what I had done that day. None of it super interesting, unfortunately, except that one weird guy I had met earlier.

“…I met a man today who explained that roughly half of the people on his planet have two heads, so that was wild.”

“Now that’s interesting! What planet was this? I’m tempted to visit. That could be physiologically fascinating.”

“…I have absolutely no memory, to be honest.”

Julian laughed. “I’m sure one of us will run across him again one day.”

“I’m sure one of us will.” I replied, with a genuine smile.

“By the way,” he continued, “You’re not shaking anymore.”

He was right. I wasn’t. A sense of calm was finally beginning to descend over me. I snuggled down into the bed, and into his leg.

“I’m still going to hang onto your leg, if that’s okay.”

“Hang on all you want.”

#Julian Bashir #star trek #ds9 #star trek fanfiction #this is such wish fullfillment drabble but i dont even care #im sick and i reserve the right to complain about it #fanfic #julian bashirxreader #fanfiction

[izzy-b-hands]

20-30!

Thank you so much for asking!!!!

20. Favorite character to write?

Already answered, but I don’t mind re-answering cuz I thought maybe I’d narrow my three way tie, but alas, no lol. Still a tie between Ahkmenrah, Snafu, and Skwisgaar.

21. Least favorite character to write? 

Ooh-tbh, Larry from NATM just because I feel like I always make him an asshole? Like, I haven’t published all my fic ideas for NATM because I keep making him really mean? And in some it works but in others I’m like ‘jesus chill Lee he’s just a Dude trying his best’ but also at the same time I feel the way Stiller played him and his character arc means he’s got some major ego to him as the films go on? Idk that isn’t a hot take or anything just me being frustrated with Ben Stiller lol

22. Favorite story you’ve ever written? 

Hard choice, because I love all my kids, but I cried after writing this one lol: https://aboutthatmelancholystorm.tumblr.com/post/186781309036/you-know-that-i-love-you

It hit some personal stuff for me, so to be able to have it work organically in a fic so I could also like, mini therapy session myself? Cool af. Also, ppl seemed to like this a lot too, and while that validation isn’t the only reason I write, it’s always cool when my writing makes ppl happy. 

23. Least favorite story you’ve ever written? 

I don’t really have a least favorite, but I do have some I’m more frustrated with, due to how long they took me to write, etc. Currently? The answer to this is my Mark the Date series because A. it is taking me a day and an age to finish it and B. I feel like it kinda flopped, so it’s hard to pull up any energy to finish it, but like...I may as well now lol. I’ll get it done eventually.

24. Favorite scene you’ve written? 

Oh god tbh I have too many I love just cuz like

I can go back to how I felt writing them and yeah

But as of most recent fics, I really this bit: 

-Snafu patted the blanket near his head, and waited for Eugene to put out his pipe and lay back beside him before snuggling close to him. “You could be right. Could be God. Could just be love.” “How’s that?” “I think love has its own way. Even before you meet someone, even before you know you’re fallin’ for ‘em. Love’s just…out there, like the air or somethin’. Finds you when the time is right, and finds who you click with. You gotta do the rest, the stayin’ in love part, but that bringing together, that first spark…that’s love just existing, and doin’ what it needs to so the world keeps spinnin’, so people make it through tough shit,” Snafu replied. “I like that,” Eugene said. “Think love did a good job with us. Makin’ sure we found each other.” Snafu pressed a kiss softly to the corner of Eugene’s mouth. “Sure did. Wouldn’t ever want to be with anyone else. I don’t even know what that looks like, and I don’t want to.” “Same here,” Eugene’s mouth was warm as he kissed him back. “Here’s to love for making sure you found me.” -

from this fic: https://aboutthatmelancholystorm.tumblr.com/post/186926226531/absolution-is-the-taste-of-your-lips

Because I’m sappy af more than I let on, and also this was a chance to like, write out my own feelings via Snafu. And that was a pretty cool and fulfilling thing for me, ya know? 

25. Favorite line you’ve ever written? 

oh god this is another hard one to narrow down but

I always come back to this line and go ‘oh shit did I really write that. Nah, someone better than me at this had to have. They briefly possessed me or something”:  

-Music and talking and shouting and footsteps collide kaleidoscopic in his ears, but none bearing the one sound that he’d run to if he heard it.-

from this fic, mentioned twice now in this post lol: https://aboutthatmelancholystorm.tumblr.com/post/186781309036/you-know-that-i-love-you

I really love alliteration, and for me this line just sums up how it feels to walk thru a city when you aren’t just wandering really, but are looking or waiting for someone, and have that awful yet sometimes good feeling of expecting to hear or see them but it feels like you’re waiting or searching forever and in the meantime the city just lives on around you, a stopped platelet stuck in a vein full of vitality. Like, idk if it hit any of my readers that way, but that’s what I was trying to get across lol, so the line always hits me hard in a good way when I scroll thru my writing tag and see it. 

26. Story you’re most proud of? 

Gosh

I gotta choose just one kid for this aldsfkja I’m bad at choosing I love my gaggle of ragtag goofballs. I have an original piece I’d choose for this, but I’ve never posted it on here, so I’m gonna choose out of my fanfic on here instead.

One I am really proud of is this one: https://aboutthatmelancholystorm.tumblr.com/post/186781309036/you-know-that-i-love-you

and I know it’s the third time it’s been part of an answer on here but

I really love this one idk. Thinking back to how I felt while writing it, how it all flowed in a certain way. The whole experience was just something else, and I’m proud of this one in a certain way I find myself, funnily enough, unable to describe. 

27. Best review you ever got? 

Okay this sounds cheesy but like

I really do love and appreciate every review or review-like thing I’ve ever gotten so I can’t choose just one for this

Like, y’all gotta understand, I’ve deleted some of it and erased traces of it from my blog, but I’ve written for years on here, I have some stuff on my ao3, and for the longest time I got nothing back, or very nearly nothing. Maybe a few likes, but no comments and not much else. I always just rolled with it and assumed I just wasn’t writing anything good enough to inspire reviews. Idk if that’s true or not, but in any case it means I cherish every comment, like, reblog, and anything review-like in nature because I’m so grateful to have it now, and I know it could well be pure luck that I stumbled up on a really supportive bunch of fandoms with great readers. 

In other words, thank y’all for every kind word and like and reblog and also I may be an immortal feeding off of validation of my art, but we’ll see on that last bit, because I haven’t tested it. 

28. Worst review you ever got?

One from middle school. I’d just finished my very first novel, gave it to a friend to read, and he said it ‘smacked of being too fanciful and childish, something only kids and women would read’ (it was a YA fantasy novel so I mean... what exactly he expected, idk cuz he knew what it was before I gave it to him, like it’s supposed to have those elements as a lot of these sorts of novels/stories do, and that isn’t a bad thing about them at all, so like...what his damage was idek.)

Also this is the same dude who texts me randomly and is really weird abt his friendship with me and happens to be an English teacher now (RIP to his students.) 

Anyway, after he said that I tossed a review right back, because well, middle school and also I was very upset with him because I’d not asked for anything other than a general ‘if you picked this up randomly and started it, would it suck you in enough to keep reading or would you put it down’ like that was literally all I needed him to answer for me. So I told him his latest novel (his second at that point) was essentially just him masturbating to his own opinions (because he’s an arguer, who loves to tell ppl they’re always wrong, and that’s by his own admission) for one hundred pages, and not in a way that anyone else would care to read. He was pissed, but so was I. We didn’t talk for a good week, and we had almost all our classes together lol. 

Like, getting nothing back in review sucks too, but this one has stuck with me forever. Best part? I mentioned it to him a few years back, and he only vaguely remembered it, and followed it with “but I’ve said a lot of rough stuff about your work. I mean, it deserved it at the time, but you might be good at this someday!” 

I didn’t smack him, but I really, really wanted to. 

29. Favorite story/poem of another author

This doesn’t specify on Tumblr or not, so I’ve got two: one from outside tumblr, and one from on here.

A. When I have Fears That I May Cease to Be by John Keats

When I have fears that I may cease to be   Before my pen has gleaned my teeming brain,Before high-pilèd books, in charactery,   Hold like rich garners the full ripened grain;When I behold, upon the night’s starred face,   Huge cloudy symbols of a high romance,And think that I may never live to trace   Their shadows with the magic hand of chance;And when I feel, fair creature of an hour,   That I shall never look upon thee more,Never have relish in the faery power   Of unreflecting love—then on the shoreOf the wide world I stand alone, and thinkTill love and fame to nothingness do sink.

B. Again, this Tumblr one could be a huge ass list because y’all on here are amazing, but one I’ve been rereading over and over again recently is @xmxisxforxmaybe ‘s Remnants series, which can be found here: https://xmxisxforxmaybe.tumblr.com/post/186702235396/remnants-complete-work

Like, Ahk as a character is captured so well, and I love the way the plot twines and also when the smut comes up? Very good A+ smut, something I value pretty highly on and off Tumblr because man, sometimes smut is just work to write, so I appreciate it when it’s really good. All around, this series has captured my heart and I legit have a link to it saved on multiple devices so if I need something to read, I can just pull it up right away. 

30. Hardest part of writing? 

Self-doubt. It’s the biggest hurdle for any artist, regardless of the art in question I think, but with writing it seems to double down a lot. Like, you have to really get out of your own head, even as you spend all your time there with your writing ideas. Shit gets weird and twisted, man. 

For the longest time, I really let self-doubt defeat me too, and I regret the time I lost to that. I still get hit with it randomly, cause I don’t think it every really goes away for any writer, not even the big names like Stephen King or Neil Gaiman (who I’m half tempted to @ on here purely because I wanna know his feelings on this stuff because I respect and admire him as an artist and his thoughts very much, but also he’s a very busy man so I’m not gonna bug him by doing that lol.) 

All there is to do is to work with it, push past it, and most importantly keep writing. I have days where that feels like the hardest thing, but each day I manage to get past it and get the words down? I let myself feel proud of that, and mark it as an achievement in my Big Book of Stuff I’ve Done in This Life. 

#text post #ask box things #these answers got long and wordy but I doubt that surprises anyone lol #this helped to answer a bunch of these too #finally got me to a point where I feel ready to try and sleep even if I'm not tired #so thank you to everyone who asked me stuff!!!! #apineappleheart

[the-kipsabian]

coughedfeathers replied to your post: *rolls o v e r* I want angst for UpbeatDreams:...

Can I throw my hat into the proverbial ring and suggest that Ayu’s able to get *something* out of him about natemare? Not much, but that he gets amnesia during the times he’s more visually… Not himself during October?? And that he’s not really himself Bc Ayu would have been there during the d&d session where natemare kicked in, as well as Mads’s party probably? So he kinda owes Ayu an explanation at this point, and Kit’s too drained to demand one.

im gonna take this ball and run with it watCH ME @coughedfeathers @shinrijeu have some upbeatdreams yo <3

It was getting closer to Christmas, slowly but steadily. November was over, they had turned to December, and life at the academy was finally steadying itself back on tracks with everything that had gone down the past three months.

And honestly, it was making Ayu very nervous.

Everything had been going smoothly. Honestly, if you asked Ayu, almost too smoothly. Things with Nate had calmed down and he seemed to be behaving like himself again since the two of them had made peace and started to spend more time together again, Nate making sure to fit in a little shows of affection here and there as if he thought Ayu wouldn’t notice.

Holding hands.

Leaving him notes on homework assignments.

Good morning and good night texts.

Sending Ayu playlists of stuff he knew he liked.

Little forehead kisses and kisses planted in his hair as if Nate thought Ayu wouldn’t realize what they meant.

But something about that was still making him uneasy, and maybe it was very unfortunate, but Ayu was able to actually put his finger on it this time too. After the disaster with him that had been October, and having to help Kit through November, Nate had gone back to being himself, and it was almost too weird.

Like the calm before the storm.

What worried him the most, was that Christmas was approaching, and Kit was lighting up again and getting very excited about the holiday. They were constantly rambling at Ayu about the gifts they had gotten for people, asking him what would be appropriate for someone, showing the cute wrapping paper and decorations they had gotten, and so forth. Occasionally Nate would be around when Ayu got messages from Kit and he would glance over Ayu’s shoulder at the cute things Kit had gotten, commenting on everything he thought looked nice.

And that’s what was worrying Ayu about all of this.

Before the October nightmare, Nate had been acting all fine and dandy. Sure he possessed some qualities that Ayu wasn’t extreme fond of, like skipping class and breaking the school rules in general, but that was still normal to him.

October he was occasionally just very different – at Mads’ birthday party he had started to raise havoc, Ayu remembered him making a mess and trying to steal the presents among other things, sending Kit into a whirl of anxiety as this behavior was never explained and it nearly ruined everything.

They had a small D&D session in the dorm at one point, and Nate had been invited – he absolutely threw the game and basically ruined the game for everyone for the night, forcing them to cut it short really early as Kit couldn’t handle him being that way and making it terrible for everyone else.

And then… Well, the Halloween party. Where Nate had straight up put Ayu on the spot and made fun of him and embarrassed him – thankfully not in public in front of others, but it was still terrible enough that some people saw Ayu leave the party crying – with this supposed love confession.

Among other incidents that Ayu hadn’t been present for, but had heard from various classmates and other friends since they had happened.

After October he calmed down again. Nate made peace with Kit, and eventually with Ayu as well. He seemed to return to normal, with no real explanation what was going on with him. Every time Ayu asked about all this, Nate didn’t remember anything. He claimed amnesia. The story never changed, there was never any added details, so Ayu believed him.

But it didn’t make the feeling that someone was still wrong go away.

And with Christmas fast approaching, Ayu was just honestly worried that Nate was going to flip his lid again for no reason and make things difficult for everyone again.

Especially for Kit. And Ayu wasn’t going to let that happen.

He was honestly nervous about texting Nate and asking to meet him at the recording studio. Ayu didn’t specify that he wanted to talk, usually when he invited Nate over it was to listen to him play, and he was kind of hoping that Nate would take it as that kind of an invitation again and wouldn’t ask questions. Thankfully the text he got back was just Nate saying he was on his way – it only freaking Ayu out a little as he was suddenly having to prepare his words much faster than he originally thought.

Ayu was sitting in the studio, sketching the stray kittens into his sketchbook when Nate walked in. The boy was beaming at the sight of Ayu, but raised a brow as he noticed the lack of the violin case he was used to see him carry around with him.

“I thought you were going to play?”

Ayu shook his head as he put the sketchpad aside, watching as Nate took a seat across the table from him. One thing that Ayu was grateful about Nate, was how good he was reading the air around people, so it was obvious even without words that something was up. Something they really needed to talk about.

“I’m… Worried.”

It was just better to get it out straight away, to be honest. Nate’s brows furrowed a little, but he nodded, remaining silent.

“Christmas is coming.”

“We don’t have to get gifts.”

“That’s not it.”

While Ayu was glad to hear this response too, it wasn’t the conversation topic he was after. Besides, he had already gotten Nate a gift, so that wrapped that part up.

“I don’t want you to ruin this for Kit too.”

Nate looked back at him over the table, clearly confused. Ayu sighed, sounding somewhat impatient.

“I don’t want what happened at October to happen again, Nathan.”

The raven-haired boy seemed to perk up at the mention of his whole name, much to Ayu’s satisfaction, as it was a clear mark that at least now he was fully paying attention.

“They need this to go well, they need the nice things. So please… Whatever happened in October, please don’t repeat that again.”

“I can promise you it’s not happening. I promise.”

Could he really believe that though, that was the question in Ayu’s mind. Sure Nate seemed sincere about that, looking him straight into the eye and saying those words, making a promise, it had to be worth of at least something, right?

…Right?

“Ayu, you can trust me. I promise. It’s behind me for now.”

…For now?

“Nathan –”

“I went to see the Nurse a little while ago.”

Ayu went silent. This was a topic they hadn’t talked about, but he knew that Kit had been trying to get Nate to see the Nurse about his amnesia problems, like Nate had tried to get them to go because of their feather coughing issues. Ayu didn’t really think Nate was complying to any of that though, as every time it had come up, he had just laughed it off.

But apparently he was actually really trying to better himself here?

“And?”

“While he didn’t really know what was going on, he said it might have something to do with the Halloween time, as the amnesia spells seem to only happen in October.”

So… This wasn’t the first time this had happened? The way Nate formed his sentences were making Ayu think of it, but he couldn’t confirm anything as this was the first time they had really talked about the issue after Nate’s initial apology about a month ago.

“He suspected full moons at first, but I can confirm I’m not a werewolf though as I do remember the full moon from last week, so you don’t have to worry about that.”

Ayu knew he was joking but nodded with a completely serious face anyways.

“He had my medical records from my previous schools, and, well… Everything shows more nurse visits and odd behavior, amnesia and exhaustion around the time of October, and never else.”

Nate brushed a hand through his hair as he leaned back on his chair, letting out a sigh.

“Every single October, for every single school. And nobody knows why, and I can’t remember any of that.”

He shrugged, looking back at Ayu who was still trying to process the information, even though there wasn’t really much info to take in here, other than what they all already knew – that Nate didn’t remember anything.

“The Nurse suggested it was due to stress or me pushing myself too hard or something similar, but I feel the same around the year and do the same things, so it doesn’t make sense. He suggested further examinations later, especially if it is happening again, but… I’m feeling fine now. Haven’t forgotten a day since November begun again. Just same as before October came around.”

It was true though, Ayu could confirm that. Since then Nate had gotten back to his old self, the honestly somewhat terrifying aura he had been carrying with him through October was gone, he looked normal again, acted normal, felt normal…

And yet Ayu still couldn’t help but to worry that this was going to happen again just when Kit was picking up being bright and bubbly again.

“I don’t do it on purpose.”

“I believe that.”

Because Nate wouldn’t. And Ayu knew that.

Nate nodded a little.

“You just… Have to trust me on this one, okay? I promise it’s not going to happen. It’s done now.”

“Until next October?”

Nate inhaled deeply, shrugging.

“I hope not, but… Maybe. It seems to be the pattern.”

It was Ayu’s turn to nod, before he leaned over the table towards Nate a little.

“Just promise me that whatever it is that’s happening with you, it’s not coming back any time soon. And if it does return for October, well… We kick it together, okay?”

Nate smiled at him, nodding his head again.

“Of course. I promise.”

#coughedfeathers #this got long askdnasjkbdkjabs #asagao!ayu #asagao!nate #upbeatdreams #asagao!kit #bffnate #i mean. it still doesnt fully explain everything cause at this point even i dont know whats up LMAO #but its established as a a thing that happens only in october. its been in his life for a while now. comes with amnesia and fatigue #hes not a werewolf confirmed lol #but yeah take this for now at least! #god it feels so good to write stuff mmmm #(also i still stand by that nate's october nightmare aka natemare thing cause im hilarious lbr lol) #mads writes #i keep forgetting to tag these things LOL