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mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune · 3 years

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Susie, Kris, Two Frisks, Chara, Monster Kid And Flowey The Flower

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Credit For Undertale & Deltarune goes to Toby Fox

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I do have another drawing of this version of Undertale Susie,

which is in a crossover drawing.

(the only difference is that this drawing of Susie has black boots)

but I will wait another time to post it up on here.

M.K. is called Monster Kid in the game,

the name Monroe is just a Fan Dub Name given to them.

Monroe is both a boy and girl name.

the last name Keidd is suppose to be M.K.’s Family Name.

I could of had their last name be spelled Keid

or have their last name be Kidd...

I will post this at the other place I post fan art at...

the Kris and Susie in this, are suppose to be the Undertale counterparts of the Susie and Kris from Deltarune.

I’m just gonna go watch Anime, and try to forget some stuff.

besides watching Anime, I do plan to watch a movie too.

I need to get something to eat too.

and later do some reading....

good thing about today, I was able to post that Tuckrif (Tucker x Grif) ship drawing over at the other place I post fan-art.

I’m a shipping dirtbag,

and Tuckrif is my new ship of Peanut-butter & Jam.

also Amazon better stop overdoing it with the Prime,

it’s not fair fans of SVTFOE can’t get the DVDs to have be send to their homes through the mailing.

Star Vs The Forces of Evil, Wander Over Yonder and any other Series that is still on Prime Only, Should Just Hurry and get to DVDs so fans can buy them.

I think before I watch some Anime, I will just watch Helluva Boss.

I think I will watch Ah My Goddess either tonight or tomorrow.

I think I can relate to Urd from Ah My Goddess,

because of my spiritual heritage.

no matter how many times someone reincarnates,

the spiritual heritage is stuck with you.....

for all your lives, past, present and future.

sometime when I feel really down, I think I would like to try to just lay down on the floor like how Blooky does in Undertale.

but the bed will have to do for now.

right now I’m doing okay, was feeling a little down a little bit ago.

I’m listening to Born Without A Heart by Faouzia.

so after I listen to that song, maybe a few times....

I will go watch some Anime, and I don’t care what Little Light Studios says....I still should try to watch their full videos....that talks about Anime and another video that asks if Disney Safe for Christians.

I wonder if it’s just me that is viewing the Little Light Studios,

as Toxic-Religious, it’s no wonder I want Mother/Goddess to get custody of me....even though I still believe in God and even Jesus,

and there are some friends and family that don’t act the way some toxic-religious people do.

but seriously I can’t stand when humans get all toxic-religious,

a person can be semi that way, so long as they don’t become the full thing that ends up hurting someone and causing tears.

I had a bad experience with a toxic-religious person a few years ago.

as I had explained before.

maybe it’s a good thing that I found out I am really a

Neo-Christian/Ma-Acolyte.

one of the things I really can’t stand

that some toxic-religious people do, is force convert.

converting to a religion should be of someone’s free will and heart.

plus you don’t have to go to church to prove your faith.

going to church can be optional.

I have to stay in the Aroaceflux, Gyno-Agender and Neo-Christian/Ma-Acolyte Closet with my family.

I did want to tell my Mom that I’m a Ace, but that didn’t go too well.

like I said before, I had to pretend I wasn’t after asking her thoughts about Asexuality and well I had decided not to tell her.

once I got into my room, I cried my eyes out.

there is different types of Aces, some will be Heteroromantic

or Biromantic or Panromantic, everyone has a different type of Asexuality/Sexuality/Romantic Identity.

I think things becoming better and more people becoming accepting,

might have to do with The Divine Mother/Goddess.

but that is just my view on it.

but yeah I have to stay in the Ace, Bigender Identity and New Found Religion Closet.

I still love my family, but I know I can’t come out of that closet.

I know even if I do, they wont try to do what some aggressive families do to try to “fix” someone who comes out of those closets.

they might still try to “fix” me, but still have love for me.

but the whole “fixing” wont truly make me happy.

even if there might be some positive videos from that Little Light Studios....they still shouldn’t bad mouth Anime or even Disney Movies.

I still need to check that video that talks about Disney,

but I don’t want to right now.

but if they misunderstand the Frozen Movie, then here is a clearing up.

an Act of True Love, doesn’t always have to be Romantic

and can be Family type love, which is even shown in that Maleficent Movie, where it was Maleficent’s Motherly Love for Aurora, that saved Aurora.

so of course the kiss from the Prince in that movie wouldn’t of worked,

because they didn’t have a deep bond and connection,

the kiss from the Prince would of only worked if the two of them got to know each other and fell in love, they had just met after all.

sure in some cases it can work like in the original disney’s sleeping beauty movie.

but in the Frozen I and Maleficent Movies,

both show that a true love’s kiss or a an Act of True Love,

doesn’t necessarily mean the romantic type of love,

and can be platonic family based love.

like a sister love or a mother’s love.

it does appear that there is a video called "All Are Welcome In The Church, Even LGBT" as one of Little Light Studios’s videos.

I can only hope it is full of something positive.

so I guess the first video I will try to fully watch, will be that one.

but not now, because I really don’t want to watch

any of their videos right now.

still want to wait a week or so before I watch any of their videos.

even if there might be some positive videos from them.

I still don’t like the negative that is a bunch of pony spit.

in theory I think that the green color magic in disney,

represents the negative feelings, while the gold color represents the positive, pink could be a perfect balance of the two.

I want to try not to let toxic-religious people get to me too much.

I think I will watch Red Vs Blue, before I watch Anime.

anyway so long as I don’t think about some stuff that make me feel bad, I should be good.

hope some of you like this drawing,

and now I’m gonna go get something to eat.

and even though I did a drawing on the day that red super-moon was suppose to happen, I ended up sleeping through it when it did finally happen.....might of been a good thing I did.

probably didn’t miss much.

fantasy & dreams is my sweet escape, and I know I’m a real weird gal.

see ya later and stay safe everyone.

#susie deltarune #kris deltarune #frisk the human #chara undertale #monster kid #flowey the flower #undertale fanart #deltarune fanart

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nyctolovian · 4 years

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Welcome to the Queer Beer Frontier

This is an incredibly self-indulgent word vomit of my sexuality/gender headcanons for TMA S1 Archival Gang.

Summary: The S1 Archival Gang are all not cishet. That's the whole fic.

Link to AO3

"Am I right, Jon?"

With eyes glazed over with intoxication, he looked up from his glass. "Huh?"

"Keira Knightley," Tim said, raising an eyebrow. "You're the only person I can turn to for this. The other two are useless in this regard."

"I don't… I don't get…" Jon frowned and glanced towards the other two at the table. Neither was of any help though, because Sasha merely stared at him silently with amusement twinkling in her eyes while Martin busied himself with… something under the table. "What are you talking about?"

"Aww... Doesn't he look adorable when he's confused?" Sasha said, turning to Martin, who sputtered and glared indignantly back at her.

Before Jon could even begin to decipher what just transpired, Tim threw his head back and groaned so loudly a giggly group of girls at the other table peered at him curiously. In a futile attempt to avoid any association to this scene, Jon scrunched his body to hide behind his (conveniently) bigger friends.

His escape attempt proved futile, however, when Tim threw an arm around Jon and tugged him closer. "We didn't invite you to drink with us just so you can sit there looking pretty, boss," he said.

"Wh—" Jon grunted affrontedly, brows furrowing. He rubbed his eye with the heel of his hand and tried to blink through his drowsy alcohol-induced haze. "I really don't—"

"I said, Keira Knightley is the very definition of hot," Tim drawled. "Don't you agree?"

Confusion crossed over Jon's features. "I suppose so."

"You suppose so?" Tim scoffed. "Alright, alright. Maybe she isn't your type. How about Tessa Thompson?"

Jon let out a non-committal noise as he pressed the rim of his glass against his lips. When no liquid hit his tongue, he blinked and looked into the cup.

Empty.

"Lucy Liu?"

Jon lifted his glass and looked around dazedly. "Does anyone—"

"What about Lucy Liu?"

"I really don't— My glass is empty?"

"Oh, sorry. Got distracted," Martin said, rubbing the back of his neck and slowly sliding out of his chair. "It's my round."

"I, well, yes, that'd be—"

Tim barged in with another question. "Okay, then, what about Anna Kendrick?"

"Not really."

"Not really?!" Tim yelled. "Alright, what about—"

"For god's sake, Tim, stop asking me these questions!" Jon groaned. "I'm too bloody ace for this."

Martin blinked at him, eyes owlishly wide with curiosity. "What do you mean?" he asked in a half-squat above his chair.

Jon's initially liquor-tinged face blanched. Suddenly it was show-and-tell in Year 2 all over again, eyes fixated upon him, as he struggled not to cry from stage fright. Except the topic today was far less innocuous than 'My Favourite Animal'. He ran a hand over his face.

Jon wished he could time-travel two hours back to throttle himself for accepting Sasha's invitation to drink. He should have gone home and taken a good long nap.

Unfortunately for him, he was stuck in this crap-hill of a situation. Jon gulped, looking everywhere but at his friends, as he tried to push Tim away. The silence was suffocating and he was pressured to fill it. "Fuck. I didn't mean to…"

Sasha leaned across the table. "Wait, you said you're ace? As in asexual?"

"I… uh, yes?" Jon shrunk into himself. "So what?" he hissed defensively.

Hands shooting up defensively, Sasha shook her head. "Oh, it's not like that! I'm also—"

Tim interrupted her with a whoop so loud that Jon had to yank himself out of his chokehold lest his eardrums burst. Martin had to leap off his chair and cover a hand over Tim's mouth to stop the hollering. Even then, he still did a whole lot of muffled yelling. "We're in public, Tim!" Martin chastised.

Tim tried to pull Martin's hand off, but to no avail.

"I'll take it off if you promise to stop yelling."

He rolled his eyes and nodded. As soon as Martin let go of Tim, however, he flashed the smuggest smirk and said, "So archiving is a gays-only event."

Martin let out a groan and Jon frowned in confusion. "What?"

"We honestly thought all this while you were homophobic," Tim said. "But turns out you're one of us."

Sasha raised her hand. "Disclaimer: I didn't think you were homophobic. Just uptight."

"But I..." Jon muttered, rubbing his eyes. "Wait, so you're all gay?"

"Alright, fellas," Sasha said, clapping her hands. "From the top! I'm aromantic heterosexual."

Tim dramatically placed a hand upon his chest. "And I'm the neighbourhood Bi-con!"

Nervously, Martin said, "Uh, no labels. But not straight."

Invitingly, Sasha gestured towards Jon.

He blinked. "Oh. Uh. Panromantic asexual. Um, and also nonbinary."

"Niiice," Tim said, patting his back hard. "I can't believe we took this long to figure this all out."

"I don't like assuming," Jon admitted.

"But I thought we were being incredibly obvious. Well, me and Martin were at least. We just thought you never mentioned because you were ignoring all of it on purpose."

Jon hummed. He had caught Tim flirting with a couple dudes who came to the archives before. Somehow, however, he had never registered those incidents properly and the idea that Tim wasn't straight had sailed past him entirely. He felt a bit stupid, thinking back right now.

He tried to recall an instance for Martin but drew absolutely nothing, however. "Was Martin very obvious?"

"Oh!" Sasha wheezed, grinning like a Cheshire cat. "Martin here is–" she slapped his back "— painfully obvious."

"Huh," Jon muttered. "I really never noticed."

"You really should," Tim said. "Oh, right. Isn't it your turn to buy us a round, Martin? Do you want to get some right now? While we talk to Jon."

The flush that overtook Martin's face made his freckles darken as he resolutely sat in his seat, beside himself with distraught.

"Alright, alright. Enough teasing," Sasha said to Tim. "Martin, I promise I will keep him in his place so just get us the round already."

After Martin's eyes darted from Sasha to Tim to Jon, then back to Sasha, he shot up from his seat with a huff. "I trust you, okay?" Then, he made a beeline for the bartender.

"Am I missing something?" Jon asked. "I feel like I am."

Sasha shook her head. "We're just all feeling pretty excited is all. It's not every day the notorious Jonathan Sims would come out to people."

"Notorious?" Jon wrinkled his nose. "From what I'm gathering, I'm not very welcome in this archival team. First, I'm homophobic and now notorious."

"Hey," Tim said, "you can't blame me for thinking you might be a homophobe. You don't exactly give off queer vibes."

"Aspec people like us don't really get much opportunity to be overtly queer," Sasha muttered, leaning back. "We're a low-lying bunch."

"Hey! But I could tell that you weren't straight. But Jon flew right under my gay-dar. And I'm usually really good at detecting comrades."

"Time to send that radar for repairs then," Jon replied with a smirk.

"You're not much better!"

"I never claimed to be good at detecting comrades."

Just then, Martin came back, and Jon was pleased to finally get more alcohol. With how much he'd been blabbing already, it felt like that kind of night.

After a while, Jon's head started spinning in what felt like cartwheels and somersaults. Drowsily, he placed his head on the regrettably grimy table. He watched the other three's back-and-forth for a while before suddenly stepping in. "Why no labels?" he asked Martin. "Just curious."

"Hm?" He straightened up. "Oh. Just… not too fond of being put into labels. None of the terms ever sit quite right with me for some reason."

"Fair enough," Jon muttered, voice thick with exhaustion. "I took ages before finding what felt right for me."

"How did you realise you were ace then?" Tim asked.

"Don't know. Just sort of always knew but didn't have a word for it. So when the word asexuality came along…" He waved his hand as though to say, "And the rest was history."

"Is it not liking sex?" Sasha asked. "I personally never really got what's so good about romance. I think it's just messy stuff if you ask me."

"Sex is… It's fine?" Jon winced. "I don't hold any strong opinions on the matter although I do sometimes find it quite fascinating."

"Jesus Christ. It's sex, Jon. Not some academic discussion," Tim scoffed.

He pouted.

"Then, how did you figure it out?" Martin asked.

"Oh. I, uh… It just felt like there was something everyone else seemed to have no trouble getting that I couldn't. Turns out that thing was sexual attraction." He shrugged. His eyelids were growing rather heavy. "I quite like being ace, you know that? I've never told that to anyone else," he slurred the admission.

"Are you tired, Jon?" Martin asked.

"Mhm."

"Do you want to take a nap?"

He nodded, rubbing his face against the wooden table. Sasha ran her fingers through his hair and he hummed, eyelids sliding shut.

Jon remembered how frustrated he used to be when he was younger. Curious and stubborn since he could remember, there was no way he would let this thing he couldn't understand simply slide under the rug. He remembered thinking he might be pansexual, but that didn't sit right in his chest. It took years of hunting down a proper answer and a couple more to acknowledge it.

Sometimes, Jon would mourn over the fact that he would never understand what on earth this "sexual attraction" thing was. Most of the time, however, he found himself quite comfortable in his own skin, finally able to categorise his experience. Now, asexuality was a label he embraced.

And it felt good knowing there were people close by who accepted him.

#tma #magpod #the magnus archives #asexual jonathan sims #aromantic sasha james #bisexual tim #tma fanfic #non binary jonathan sims #panromantic jonathan sims #my writing #not sure how else to tag hmmm

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thebeauregardbros · 4 years

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LFRP: Alus Beauregard | Crystal Server

THE BASICS ––– –– –

Occupation: Free Paladin | Field Medic | Café Proprietor

Hobbies: Fashion | Tea Brewing | Pastry Creation | Jewelry Making | Reading Faerie Tales

Race: Miqo’te (Sunseeker Descent)

Sexuality/Romance: Asexual / Panromantic

Relationship Status: Single; never married

Languages: Eorzean | Common. Understands all languages; possesses The Echo.

Alignment: Neutral Good

PERSONAL ––– –– –

Alias: “Alice” (💢)

Residence: The Goblet, Ward 8 : Sultana’s Breath Apartments; Wing 1; Apartment #21

Place of Work: Café Nobilitea: Lavender Beds Ward 20, Lot #8 | Anywhere his Eorzean Grand Company sends him.

Birthplace: ??? (Grew up in Eorzea; particularly in the Thanalan area)

Fears: Slugs | Failing to keep his comrades safe | Failing to save his enemies from themselves

APPEARANCE ––– –– –

Height: “Tall for a miqo’te” (5′8″/173cm)

Build: Barrel-chested, muscular; untoned muscles | Long legs, wide shoulders, slender hips.

Age: Unknown; nameday 20 yrs ago. Approximately 23 summers old.

Gender: Male

Skin tone: Tan; Gold Undertone

Eye color: Heterochromia; Deep Fuschia (Right) | Golden Yellow (Left)

Hair color: Golden Blonde

Body Mods: Pierced ears.

Distinguishing Marks: [SPOILER] Large amounts of large-scale bruises and scars all over his body. They are almost always covered up with his clothing. There are no visible scars on his face, neck, or hands.

Common Accessories: Large amounts of gold jewelry; Excessive rings, bracelets, pocket watch chains, earrings, tiaras, circlets, crowns | Large amounts of fresh and/or fake flowers; On his lapel, coming out of his pockets, warn as a flower crown, tucked in his hair, tucked amongst the buttons on his outfits, etc.

BODY LANGUAGE ––– –– –

Walk: Excellent posture; he carries his upper body with strength, while his legs nearly cross in his stride like an elegant female runway model.

Voice: His voice is often strong, clear, deep, and commanding, with the slightest hinge of huskiness. While off-guard, however, his voice cracks into a higher pitched and goofier voice. His quiet tones are very soft and sweet, like a warm fuzzy blanket wrapping you up in it on a cold winter’s night. (Voiceclaim/reference: Johnny Yong Bosch, particularly his roles as Vash from Trigun and Zero from Marvel vs. Capcom.)

Tics or Mannerisms: His speech consists of a shakepearian inspired word usage with a consistent disuse of contractions, similar to Urianger. | He tends to step-dance or become especially physically clumsy while nervous in social situations. | He will elegantly dodge all physical contact, even minor, unless he is comfortable enough with you to make the first contact.

Smell: Gardenia (Jasmine) / Cuttlebone dust

Posture: Constantly straight and erect; shoulders rolled back, chest out. Never looks truly relaxed, even while sitting. A model of good posture.

Disabilities: [SPOILER] Surface numbness on his scar tissue. Mild numbness in his left-hand fingertips.

RELATIONSHIPS ––– –– –

Romantic Partner: (None.)

Parents: Gwenneg Beauregard (Adoptive) (Deceased)

Siblings: Arc Beauregard (Twin Brother) (Alive)

Children: (None.)

Extended Family: (Unknown.)

Pets: Various unnamed wild songbirds and a fledgling Dodo that followed him home. He keeps feeding them, so they keep coming back, but he does not claim ownership of any of them. | He has also developed a relationship with a wild white horse he’s named Marion who consistently comes to his call. | His military-issued chocobo is named Erminia.

Other: Alus considers everyone he meets to be a friend.

PERSONALITY TRAITS ––– –– –

Extroverted / In Between / Introverted

Disorganized / In Between / Organized

Close Minded / In Between / Open Minded

Calm / In Between / Anxious

Disagreeable / In Between / Agreeable

Cautious / In Between / Reckless

Patient / In Between / Impatient

Outspoken / In Between / Reserved

Leader / In Between / Follower

Empathetic / In Between / Apathetic

Optimistic / In Between / Pessimistic

Traditional / In Between / Modern

Hard-working / In Between / Lazy

Cultured / In Between / Uncultured

Loyal / In Between / Disloyal

Faithful / In Between / Unfaithful

Addictive / In Between / Nonaddictive

RP HOOKS ––– –– –

Café Nobilitea: Alus is the proprietor of a western-style teahouse with a distinct theme for elegance, royalty, and other-worldliness - His café is bright, full of flowers, and always playing soft kind-hearted piano music; the type of place a person could become lost in whence they’ve become tired of the grueling and dark outer world; a real heaven and haven. He often spends his free time there and enjoys sitting with his customers to get to know them.

Grand Company Militia: Alus is a very active member with the Eorzean grand companies in fighting against the Garlean empire and any other threats to the peace there might be upon the world. It’s very possible your character might have teamed up with him at some point in active duty.

The Prince on a White Horse: Alus patrols random fields often in order to keep the peace. Your character or someone your character knows might have been saved by the mysterious ‘Prince on a white horse’ while being attacked by bandits or beastmen, who oft leaves without giving his name.

A Fellow Warrior Of Light: Alus has helped out the Scions of the Seventh Dawn on occasion due to his status as a Warrior of Light; one of many.

LOOKING FOR ––– –– –

Long-Term ANYTHING!: Friendships, rivalries, casual familiarities, romances, anything. Alus has lived a long life without any PC RP interactions, and I feel his writing suffers for it. I want someone who will be there for the long run and get to know him. I want stories to develop. I want Alus to grow because of other people.

Open-minded villains!: Alus has the patience of a saint and will befriend the nastiest of criminals no matter what. Alus will stop them from directly committing serious crimes he may be there to witness (murder, kidnapping, robbery, etc.), but will ultimately be very forgiving and calm when dealing with these topics. He wants to genuinely make a connection with people he doesn’t understand and strives his best to soften anybody’s heart, no matter how hard. His ultimate goal is to change their ways for the better through patience and understanding.

Platonic flirts!: Alus has a lot of love to give and happy to give it to nearly everyone and anyone. He throws around the words ‘I love you’ quite easily, and if he is especially crushing on someone, he will hold their hands and hug them openly despite his normal dislike of physical touch. He is most happy when he has a large circle of queerplatonic relationships, but will be absolutely exclusive to their ‘steady’ when he has made that romantic commitment.

Distant family members!: Alus knows very little of the Beauregards; his adoptive father and surnamesake did not speak of them much. Alus is fascinated with Elezen culture and considers himself one of them. He would be incredibly happy to find anyone with the same last name who would welcome him to his adopted ancestor’s information.

ADVENTURE!: Once in awhile, let’s RP somewhere other than a unmoving place. Let’s RP in a dungeon. Let’s RP while doing gold saucer chores. Let’s RP while talking to random minor NPCs. Let’s RP while doing something other than just sitting! It can help a lot with improvisation and keep the creative juices flowing.

ABOUT THE MUN ––– –– –

Who I am: Hey, my name’s Will. I’m a 24 y/o prep cook living in Alaska. My family’s straight-up wiccan, I got 3 black cats, I love super flashy ridiculous fashion, 1980s comedies, and my favorite game’s Bayonetta. I’m a queer Aquarius with mild ADHD. Buddhism and pacifism are super important to me. I love the McElroys?? and uh. I yell in caps a lot. i WILL make you a playlist of music if you ask for recommendations, don’t fuckin tempt me. I’m a casual goofus fuck. here’s my ‘me’ tag on my personal,

Server: Balmung, Crystal Data Center

Time Zone: Alaska (GMT-8)

Availability: 11AM-2AM (subject to change)

Writing Style: Rapidfire! 95WPM. I like to RP just like I type normally - as thoughts pop up, I type ‘em, just like if I was talking. I’m not a big fan of waiting for turns; I have an anxiety disorder and that particularly makes me extremely anxious! However, I am happy to do short paragraph RP with you if we’ve been RPing long enough. Huge paragraph RP is 100% OK on Discord!

Platforms: In-game(preferred) or Discord.

Restrictions ––– –– –

No ERP!

No Permadeath! I really do not want to RP with anyone who intends to eventually kill off their character, either. This is a legitimate trigger for me.

RP Fighting...? I’ve never done this before. I’m not a fan of physical injury so it’s unlikely I would want to, either. But if the situation really calls for it, I’m open to learning. I will not allow you to permanently disfigure or disable my character - temporary injury is alright, but please talk to me about it first.

Mature Themes...? This is okay for me. Swearing, murder, prostitution, drugs.. I’m an adult! I don’t mind these themes being mentioned or being used as a backdrop to a prompt. Alus isn’t a fan of these things though! So just keep that in mind.

Sexual Assault...? For the most part, NO. However, a forceful kiss? An inappropriate touching that stops as soon as my character says no? Maybe. Ask me beforehand and be clear about what you’re thinking, no surprises.

More Info ––– –– –

Click here for Alus’ RP blog and all the memes and asks I’ve written for him!

tags;

@ffxiv-crystal-rp @crystalxivrp @mooglemeet

#final fantasy xiv #ffxiv #ffxiv rp #ff14 #ffxiv lfrp #alus beauregard #crystal data center #meme

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fictional-worlds-are-exquisite · 3 years

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i dunno, a grey bathrobe with a mouse face on the hood seems pretty fitting for a vampire. mine is bright pink tho and when i say bright i mean it's neon pink. my family hates it, literally anyone who sees it hates it. it's my favourite thing. the best buy i've ever made

your teacher is wild. they have run out of fucks to give. oh a ten year old is asking me for a frying pan? seems reasonable, let me go get one

oh and definitely. me and a knife? nope, would not recommend, -5000/10. it's why i don't cook. i mostly just bake stuff, because that usually doesn't involve cutting things up. i stopped counting all the times i had an accident with a knife, because i couldn't keep count. it's just that every goddamn time i take a knife in my hands i either cut myself or break the knife. sometimes both. i have however somehow magically avoided needing to go to the hospital every single time, so i'm not sure whether to call myself lucky or unlucky. (i'm still leaning towards the unlucky, because this sucks)

they told you about different sexualities in health class? that's so cool! i wish they did that here. i bet it would help a lot of people! also you were definitely very oblivious about your crush! but i can't say anything because me too. even now that i know i'm panromantic i still spent months thinking that those are most definitely platonic feelings i'm feeling for this girl. butterflies in my stomach? being just so goddamn happy when i'm around her? wanting to hold her hand? those are friend feelings right? (also she sometimes sends me nudes and i constantly mess up while trying to react like a normal person to them. one time i just replied asking whether she bought new shower curtains and then spent the next couple of minutes banging my head against the wall because even my asexual ass realised that that was probably the wrong thing to say)

anyways...

well, it's definitely different this year, celebrating christmas, but it's still fun, christmas eve went well and i'm pretty excited for christmas breakfast tomorrow, because it's always my favorite part! so yeah! thank you, that was very nice! ❤️

excellent, if halloween was a thing here i’d take that into account and add it to my vampire costume. halloween is not a thing here though so i guess i’ll just wear it down to the shops with some vamp teeth idk. also that sounds incredible. i love obnoxiously bright things. if it hurts people’s eyes then i’m doing something right. i am going against the masses and saying i love it.

i know right? he was from Germany, I think, and possibly quite new to the country and the nz education system (or at least, we...didn’t really learn anything that year...he just kind of let us play on the computers a lot...it must’ve been his first year teaching) so maybe he just figured that was chill in nz schools. a fair enough assumption considering the chaos of children.

oh geez. that does not sound good. at least you haven’t had to go to hospital yet though, that’s a plus. but it does sound awfully unlucky. it seems that whenever i come near a knife i find a cut on me afterwards. not like, a big cut. not even a cut that bleeds, normally. but just like the tiniest shallow cut ever. I have no idea how I manage it each time. it’s not b a d exactly it’s just alarming that i never notice it at the time. I also get a bit of double vision sometimes and I’ve noticed that when I’m trying to cut something precisely like vegetables I’ll struggle to see exactly where the knife is and well...I just go very slow and keep my fingers far away. I don’t trust my eyesight one bit. very impressive that you manage to break the KNIFE though, I’ve never done that. Bent many spoons real bad in my time tryna get ice cream but no knife deconstruction here.

oh yeah! they did. I figured it was just a normal thing to teach in nz high schools and I was like wow. sure is great here! uhhh turns out no. Once I hit uni and took a gender and sexuality class and spoke with my classmates, it turned out that very very VERY few of them ever had that kind of thing brought up in health class. Hell, some of them were like we basically got taught abstinence (although they mostly then pointed to the religious nature of their schools, I guess that’s a trend). I was a little shocked some schools skipped sex ed that bad. Then earlier this year I did some research into the nz health curriculum for a presentation for an english class and like. it’s IN the curriculum. if you dig deep enough for this info. It’s just that what’s in the curriculum isn’t exactly compulsory. Which is a problem. Because then it only gets taught if the teacher decides to. For example, my younger sister (by roughly 3 years) attended the same high school as me but she never got any discussion of sexualities or gender identities or whatever in health class. It comes down to the teacher and I hate that so much. it SHOULD be taught to everyone, everywhere, it sure did help me. ANYWAY. i’ve already gone on this rant many times I will stop here

I’m glad it’s not just me in this boat haha. platonic...romantic...i mean who really knows the difference until it’s been 6 months and actually, now that you think about it, maybe there’s something funny going on here. o h n o. what lovely shower curtains! where’d you get them? oh n o. i feel like i’ve been sent a nude once before by a straight friend (who was a girl) who did not know I was queer and I was. how do straight people respond to this. respectfully i am looking only at your face so i don’t make you uncomfortable is actually not what i should be doing here, clearly. you...sure do have a body...good job! that’s...some good looking flesh! i- thank god this has never happened again. i would not be any better.

I’m glad you still had fun and I hope the breakfast ended up going well! A Christmas breakfast sounds interesting. I feel that’s a whole different area of foods to make something nice out of, I’m so used to special lunches and literally nothing else, breakfast foods seem fun.

#sorry for the late reply! it's been a busy couple of days and i've been a bit drained #also despite that my health class was like ok let's split into boys and girls #girls what do u find attractive about boys and vice versa #brainstorm it!#and the girls group gathered up and started saying stuff and i just #uhhh...chest? is that...is that a thing we like about men...?#i think at the time i genuinely did ask my group are boys chests attractive #dkfjhskdjfhsdf gee whiz i wonder what lindsey's sexuality is #anyway different subject #i would love a special breakfast on christmas but with my acid reflux i can't really eat anything for breakfast #a single bit of toast with peanut butter is what i have every single day of the year lmaoo #at least it sits in my stomach okay #come lunch i'm good to eat normally which is nice #no one ask me how many mini quiches i ate today i lost count #i ate so many #it's a problem #Anonymous

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wrennix062 · 4 years

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Let's get personal:

• 6 of the songs you listen to most?

You’ll Be Back (Hamilton), Car Radio (TØP Vessel), Soldier Poet King (The Oh Hellos), IDK You Yet (Alexander 23), Lemons (Brye), S.L.U.T (Bea Miller)

• If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Thomas Sanders

• Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

"Her smile faded, her chest tightened, and heavy blanket of anguis smothered her smallest joy."

• What do you think about most?

Whether or not the world exists

• What does your latest text message from someone else say?

Goodnight

• Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

With

• What's your strangest talent?

Uhm, I can identify any bird based on a picture (not that great a talent)

• Girls... (finish the sentence) Boys... (finish the sentence)

Girls are handsome. Boys are beautiful.

• Ever had a poem or song written about you?

Not that I know of

• When was the last time you played the air guitar?

Earlier tonight (i was listening to the phineas and ferb theme song)

• Do you have any strange phobias?

Agoraphobia (fear or large spaces/rooms, I always hated gym class)

• Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

One of those round flat LEGO dots

• What's your religion

I don't have one specific, though I lean towards a philosophy known as the Dao De Jing

• If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Birding

• Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind.

• Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Twenty Øne Pilots

• What was the last lie you told?

That I practiced piano

• Do you believe in karma?

It depends.

• What does your URL mean?

Pidgeon refers to Pidge Gunderson from Voltron Legendary Defender, 11206 is my favorite number

• What is your greatest weakness and strength?

Weakness - Emotions Strength - Music/Art/Writing

• Who is your celebrity crush?

Bex Taylor-Klaus

• Have you ever gone skinny-dipping?

• How do you vent your anger?

Writing angst

• Do you have a collection of anything?

Tiny screwdrivers

• Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Honestly it doesn't really matter. As long as I'm able to talk to them and hear them, I'm good.

• Are you happy with the person you've become?

More or less.

• What's a sound you hate vs a sound you love?

Hate - hail on my window or roof Love - pencil tapping

• What's your biggest "what if"?

What if the world as we know it doesn't exist and we are all living an illusion surrounded by other illusions that act as if they understand reality?

"I think, therefore I am."

• Do you believe in ghosts? What about aliens?

Ghosts, more or less. Aliens, absolutely. There is a vast and ever growing space beyond our knowledge, there is no way we're the only planet capable of harboring life.

• Stick your right arm out. What do you feel first? The same with your left arm.

Right - my nightstand Left - my wall

• Smell the air. What do you smell?

My dogs

• What's the worst place you have ever been to?

A mental hospital, visiting a family member. (No, it wasn't an insane asylum, this family member was dealing with suicidal thoughts and tendencies.)

• Choose - East or West coast?

East.

• Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

I am all genders and none, but of my opposite sex would be Shawn Mendes

• To you, what is the meaning of life?

There is none. You wake up, do things daily, go to sleep, and repeat until you die. You aren't meant to do things differently, some people are just considered better than others and actually make an impact.

• Define Art.

A way for others to interpret an individual's self expression

• Do you believe in luck?

Yes. The universe doesn't treat people the same all the time.

• What's the weather like right now?

It's storming outside, lots of thunder and lightning and rain.

• What time is it?

At the time of writing this question, 12:10 am

• Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

No, I don't drive.

• What was the last book you read?

"The Mysterious Benedict Society"

• Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Absolutely not.

• Do you have any nicknames?

One of my friends refers to me as Remus because I remind her of Remus from Sanders Sides

• What was the last film you saw?

"After The Dark" otherwise known as "The Philisphers"

• What's the worst injury you've had?

Between spraining my wrist and getting a two inch split on my scalp

• Have you ever caught a butterfly?

No, but I have held one and walked with it without it flying away

• Do you have any obsessions right now?

Chemical Engineering, learning Italian, Philosophy

• What's your sexual orientation?

Asexual - Panromantic

• Ever had a rumor spread about you?

Yes

• Do you believe in magic?

Not really, no (but I do believe in the paranormal)

• Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

The only person I know has done me wrong gaslighted me and made me believe it was my fault, so no

• What's your astrological sign?

Aquarius

• Do you save money or spend it?

Depends on if we're talking about video games or real life

• What's the last thing you purchased?

Starbucks White Chocolate Mocha

• Love or Lust?

Lust is fake. I will always and forever choose love

• In a relationship?

Nope

• How many relationships have you had?

Four

• Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

• Where were you yesterday?

At home

• Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

An old toy vault that I got at a book fair

• Are you wearing socks right now?

• What's your favorite animal?

It's between a lion, a snake, or a coral polyp

• What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

Use a super cheesy dad joke, it always makes everyone laugh

• Where is your best friend?

At home

• Give me your top five favorite blogs on Tumblr

Idk I don't really follow any blogs

• What is your heritage?

Italian, Danish, Norwegian, English

• What were you doing last night at 12:00 am?

Writing fanfiction

• What do you think is Satan's last name?

Grovum (don't ask me why)

• Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

I tried, I hated it

• Are you the kind of friend you want to have as a friend?

Not really, no

• You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss told you that if you are late on more time, you get fired. What do you do?

If I'm late all the time, it means I don't wanna be there. I'll search for my dream job, but right now there is an innocent life at stake and I can do something about it.

• You are at the doctor's office and she has just informed you that you have one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone that you're going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) I tell my closest family and friends. I want them to be there for me, but if I tell anyone I'm not close with, they will only pity me.

b) I will spend the rest of my time eating chocolate, drinking coffee like it's soup, and blending waffles, because doing something weird is doing something fun.

c) Not at all. Death is an inevitable concept. I would be sad, I would be angry, but I would not be afraid. There isn't a point to being scared of something you can't avoid.

• You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

I choose love. Living life without loving another person, whether it be romantic, platonic, or familial, would be torture. And for me, love is the same as trust, but trust is not the same as love.

• What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

"Sincerely Me" from Dear Evan Hansen

• What are the last four digits of your cell phone number?

9286

• In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Equality.

• How can I win your heart?

Chocolate, a Ferris wheel ride at night, and accepting my sexual orientation.

• Can insanity have more creativity?

No. Creativity is always in the back of your mind. The same is with darker creativity. Insanity just brings it to the forefront or makes you act on it.

• What is the single best decision you have made in your life?

I decided that self harm doesn't help. I'm glad I did, or I could have landed myself in a hospital.

• What size shoes do you wear?

8 1/2

• What quote would be written on your tombstone?

"Life is a locked door. Death is the key.

Death is a locked door. Life is the key."

• What is your favorite word?

Infinitesimal

• Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word heart.

Red mixed with black and white.

• What is a saying you say a lot?

What can you do when you live in a shoe

• What is the last song you listened to?

"Heavydirtysoul"

• Basic question, what is your favorite color?

Green

• What is your current desktop picture?

Hogwarts castle

• If you could press one button and make anyone in the world explode, who would it be?

*thinks to self* does my sleep paralysis demon count..?

• What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?

It's not a matter of which question, it's a matter of who's asking it

• One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn the light on to find you are surrounded by mummies. The mummies arent really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Offer them some toilet paper, maybe they're here because the ones at the supermarket are still sold out.

• You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they grant you a superpower if your choice. What is that power?

Shapeshifting

• You can re-live any point in time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half hour experience would you like to experience again?

My first time watching the first scene in IT.

• You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Fighting with both of my best friends

• You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

None. I'm asexual.

• You just got a free plane ticket anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Venice, Italy

• Do you have any relatives in jail?

• Have you ever thrown up in the car?

Yes

• Ever been on a plane

• If the whole word we're listening to you right now. what would you say?

F**k Donald Trump

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telling-our-stories · 5 years

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Coming out stories

A heads-up. These are the original stories, however, they are anonymous. This wasn't intentional, I just screwed up and didn't tag. These stories, aren't mine, so if I've posted yours and you want it taken down. Please, just ask me.

Alright.

I am tired of people who are against the LGBTQ+ community. Its alright to have an opinion. It is not alright to put people down for being themselves. The first pride was a riot, a fight for what they believe in. I'm trying to do the same. I'm trying to gather the stories of the fallen, the ones who are still standing, the people who are willing to fight for everything they are. And I am fully willing to take a stand and fight to prove we exist. To prove that we're here, and we aren't backing down.

Hello, my name is Dustyn. I'm here today to collect stories from the LGBTQ+ community. There's a lot of people who are against us, which is exactly why we need to stand our ground. I'm not asking for a fight, I'm asking for your stories. My story is not yet finished, though I'm a bisexual trans male. Our stories are important, because they show who we are and how far we've come. I've struggled a lot in my life, but I've made it. So have others. Here are some of those stories. We'll start with mine. I've gone through many identities, mostly trying to figure myself out. I'm still doing that. My family doesn't accept me for me, but I have many friends who do. There are so many accepting people in life, and I appreciate all of you who are proud to be who you are. Whether closeted or not, you are all valid and amazing.

"Hello my name is Melissa and i am bisexual. My family didn't really have a harsh reaction to it other than the fact that they didn't understand it at first. That was most of my trouble was people saying that bisexual wasnt valid. Im sorry mine is so short but i think the moral is that you are valid. No matter what you identify as on any spectrum in the LGBTQ+ community. Also even if your outside of the LGBTQ+ community and your just an ally. We love you and you are all valid.”

"Salutations everyone. My name is Talan. I am non binary, panromantic and i am currently between asexual and demisexual. I was raised in a very christian household where my mother and father had very strict beliefs. They believed that being anything but straight and to me being anything other than my assigned gender was a sin, and many people still say that to me. When I came out to my dad he flipped, he took me out of school for a year and put me in online school. During this time in my life I had reached a dark time where i thought that it was never going to get better but trust me it does. I am still living with my dad who does not accept me and at this point we don't talk that much, but it does get better. We have gotten to the point where we can have a civil conversation with each other and im back in school. I have an amazing girlfriend and multiple qpps who i love very much. Everybody at school is very loving and supporting. Remember that family is not chosen for you, you make your own family. If you ever feel down than just know that there are so many amazing and kind people in the world who love you for who you are, no matter what that may be. You are loved."

“I'm glad you reached out to me, anything to help people understand more about the LGBTQ+ community. I am 19 now and I came out to my family at the age of 14. My parents were the typical ones who said it was just a phase and it would not last but here I am five years later and I made it through. There was a point where I had no one to turn to but then i met my amazing boyfriend. He helped me through the good and the bad and showed me that there were things to stay for. I am now in college and pursuing a career in photography at the University of Arizona. I hope that could help a bit!”

"Okay. Well. My coming out experience was definitely not expected in the slightest. I was in the 5th grade. Realizing that I liked both boys and girls was quite the revelation. I had a lesbian friend who was the first ever gay person I met or knew. I remember being backstage of a show I was in and just crying through the words, "I know I'm supposed to love guys, but I love girls too". After that. I didn't tell anyone else, until 6th grade. I was a track meet and a group of people I sat with was talking to my lesbian friend about kissing. I forget the exact conversation, but I spoke up and said I would kiss her. A Christian girl in my class was nearby and heard. She was disgusted. Therfore by the end of the week, I was completely outed to my entire school. It was ugly, but it got better over time I guess. I'm a junior in high school now. I have yet to come out to my parents, but at least I know that I am finally comfortable in my my sexual orientation and gender identify (demigirl, which I didn't figure out until a few short months ago)."

"Hey, I haven't actually come out to everyone yet but I have told a few people and all of their reactions were positive "oh you're bi? cool" and that was it. No "so do you like me?" or anything which was super great. So I was "straight" and when I heard about the LGBT community I was "straight" for about another five days. I did some thinking and realised I'd actually liked girls before, and shortly after came out as bi to a few of my close friends at the time. They were all supportive, bar one who said "you're just looking for attention lmao".Coincidentally, she had also come out as pan and had received the usual "you're attracted to pans?". I go to a Christian school, so it would be pretty disastrous if the news leaked out, but naturally it did. Not everyone knows, maybe about 10% of my grade. I suspect some teachers found out about how some people were LGBT (not many though, there's about 5 of us), because our dean of year gave the "you're too young to know that" talk. Mostly at school we get sheltered from all LGBT news and details at all, and my parents hadn't told me much about it either, even though they are supportive and would be okay if I came out as bi."

"I'm bisexual. I first came out to my elementary friends over the phone 3 years after we went to different middle schools. They were mostly all so accepting and I was so overwhelmed I hung up on them. I spent a few minutes laying on the ground clutching that phone to my chest, I'd never felt so loved. I cried and cried and cried because these people atleast the ones who accepted me see me different now but are okay with it. Two years later, now, I still haven't come out to my parents. I still need a few years but I'm a little bit more open at school now most of my friends accept me. Others were cut off, I can't do that with my family so they still don't know. Not as if they would take me seriously either way. I want to get past college get a place a stable life then maybe I'll be ready, just maybe. Thank you for listening to my story."

"I was surrounded by my Uncle and his husband for years. I always knew that gay people existed. When I was younger I never thought anything different of myself; I thought I was one of the boys.

It never really clicked that I was the only one who saw it that way.

When I was 7, my mother and sister suggested I take dance I shot them down saying "that's for girls."

They didn't get it.

I wasn't entirely sure what came over me in that moment either but I know it felt right.

As myself and the people I knew grew up I realised I wasn't happy with the way I looked. I tossed it up as your typical dislike.

~every girl went through that at my age didn't they~

All the girls I knew were so happy that they were becoming women and I just sat in the back wondering why I didn't feel the same way.

I still didn't get it.

Once my depressed state got worse I decided to read into ways to love yourself and your body.

I started taking selfies, dressing up, wearing heels and makeup, forcing myself to sing even though I hated the way I looked and sounded.

It got worse.

I broke down when nobody was looking and acted like it was fine; like I wasn't praying that whatever I was feeling would go away for even a second.

And one day I looked in the mirror and I thought "this isnt right. This isn't me. This isn't what I want. Who in the hell is that person staring back at me?"

And I accepted it. That I would never be who I should be. That I would never be happy. Because nobody would love me. Nobody would want me. And nobody would accept me. Because if I was happy then that meant my family wouldn't have had the little girl theh thought they had gotten.

And up until recently no one knew that I broke down every night, that my thoughts got so bad I wanted to drown in my own tears so that maybe it would all be over. Because to me coming out to them was worse than death.

And here I am years later. My family knows but they don't care. They don't try to comprehend that this repression it kills me all the time. So I gathered my money got myself exactly what they told me they would never let me have and I lie. I go behind their backs and I live like the man I really am online. I bind my chest and I hide from their sight and when they ask I say it's just their eyes.

Because if they knew - if my mother knew - they would rather me suffer day after day than be who I am."

"heyo, i read your post and id like to put something to it.

i am a part of the community, havent came out to my parents yet, because i know for a fact id be sent to a psichologist or thrown out. but i am me online

an old friend of mine is a trans guy and found me a few weeks ago. he said he saw that i support LGBT+ and it was so comforting for him. a friend who i haven't talked with for 9 years!after he told me that he lost half of his family for being himself, his dad ignores him since, but he has a boyfriend and got his life together

and that i could be a little comfort for him is really nice. even the people who are closeted can be helpful in the community."

"Well, my mom took it well. I had gotten stuck in my closet and then she got me unstuck and I told her I was queer.

My brother, we were sitting in the car and he told me he always knew, but I had to keep it a secret from my dad or else bad things would happen.

My friends hugged me and started to use my name and pronounsSo coming out to my dad and stepmom, it wasn't even a coming out but a forced outage.

They took my phone away the night of a Panic attack that I still have nightmares over and searched it. They read all my messages.... everything.

I wanted to scream for it to stop, but I knew it wouldn't. They told me that they loved me, but I had to stop being me and I have to go back to being a girl who was cishet

But once you have a taste of freedom of who you really are, you can never go back ...I couldn't hide again. I just had to wait till I could spread my wings and be free somewhere else."

"Ok so for the thing you tagged me in, I don’t exactly have a coming out story yet, and I’m not sure of my identity entirely. I’ve tried out tons of labels and am sticking with queer at the moment just cuz it takes the stress off of picking an extremely definite word to describe me. I came out as queer last year, but I don’t consider it a coming out story because 1) I only told my friends and not my family, and 2) queer doesn’t completely define me. In real life, I’m doing my best to go back in the closet, but I think my “friends” may have told other people who spread rumors around my school, so it’s been difficult. A bunch of people make random references to me liking boys (I’m amab) and it made me uncomfortable enough that I started telling them I’m straight. I’m planning on staying as far in the closet as possible until people get more accepting and I understand myself fully."

"It's not a coming out story (mostly) but it's a realization of sorts.

Yesterday our Social Studies teached asked us to form groups and discuss a contemporary issue that we would present at the front in a few minutes. Long story short I suggested LGBT+ community and rights, which my group mates accepted. I live in a really conservative country (with at least 81% of the entire population identifying as Christians) and that's an extremely taboo topic. It ended up leading the teacher asking us to raise our hands if we believed the lgbt community should be allowed Civil Union, not considering religion an all. I was so afraid to raise my hand, but it was what I believed in and I couldn't live with it if I didn't show it, so I raised my hand. I didn't really do this as a member of the community, I wasn't thinking of myself. I was thinking of a world where this is accepted in my country, where I can go outside and be open and love whoever I wanted to, and I guess the idea of standing up for what I believed in was what pushed me to do that. A big majority of the class was against, and I was just so afraid even though some small logical part of me knew they would not do anything.Today, our Civics teacher had us grouped again to make a live news report and once again, my group (international news) got assigned lgbt+ community because of our listed problems yesterday. I suggested interviewing a member of the community and basically came out to two people I knew were trustworthy (nearly all three other members in that group but thank God I think the third one did not hear) and we agreed that I could be used if I only had my voice recorded and edited to not sound like me. Just a few hours ago I found out that one of my classmates, who I thought was a nice sweet boy, turned out to be a big homophobe. "Sodom and Gomora and Liberals are teaching unnatural things" kind of guy.I guess that broke something in me, because another thing I was really passionate about for when I grew up was this certain job, though no one supported me. I used to want to do that so much the idea of anything else repelled me, sometimes the idea of the other more "acceptable" jobs brought me to tears. Somehow this one admission that I thought everyone should have the right to at least a civil union and finding out my classmates didn't believe in that crushed something in me hard enough that I lost the passion to do that job I wanted. It makes no sense how this connected with that apart from the fact that neither are things I have been or would be supported on, but I guess seeing that this world isn't really safe made me lose hope.I felt scared to raise my hand, almost like I was actually coming out (which I now realize I'm absolutely never doing to many of those people) and the realization that some place I thought was a safe space for me, because all of those people in that class, I thought I could trust them. I've been with them since before I could spell "friend" correctly, they're family to me, I believed I would be safe and accepted, and then came to find out that wasn't quite the case...But well, basically I was terrified then crushed to find out that I could have outted myself to a group of people who would not take my news lightly

Found out some people I thought were friends thought people like me were broken

Found out some people I used to have the biggest crushes on didn't even believe in letting people have a civil union."

"I’m very excited to see brave people like you ready to start a revolution, so I thought I’d share my, sorta, coming out experience.

So I have divorced parents meaning I’d have to come out to four parents. This happened mainly last year. I was pretty sure I was bi, (tho I now identify panromantic demigirl) I knew my dad and stepmom would be great with it, and they were. But when it came to my mother, well, she wasn’t really homophobic, but she had different ideas about how a gay person should behave. She outed me to her after overhearing a convo with my friends. She then told me I was too young, and gave the “its a phase” talk. She knew I was fairly open about it because I lived by a motto to “be so myself that other people feel brave enough to be themselves too” But she believed a gay person should keep it a secret. Nowadays I don’t believe in the process of “coming out” I am open about my sexuality and gender but I don’t do formal coming outs. I always believed that if straights don’t have to, neither should I just because I “don’t fit a default” My mother wants me to come out to my stepfather even tho he already knows. I thought sharing a coming out story that also showed you should never feel obligated to come out. My mother guilt trips me about it, but I remain rooted in my beliefs that I shouldn’t have to come out, which I think is valid.

Hope my story can help anyone and just wanna say you are so so valid, amazing and powerful and should never feel pressured to be open if you don’t want to. Long live the revolution!!!🏳️‍🌈."

"Hello! I read your post about collecting LGTBQA+ stories and I thought Id share my brief experiences as a bi girl from Germany ^^

Tbh I never made a big deal about coming out, as I personally feel it goes to show that we're revealing a wierd secret, and Id like my sexualtiy to be something normal, not a main identifying characteristic. And everyone of my friends or classmates that I mention it to appear to have no problem with that whatsoever, and as far as I know Im not percieved as predatory either.

My family, however, is a whole different matter. While Im sure that my mums side of the family would be perfectly fine and my parents know already, when youve heard your fathers parents talk about eastern europeans and other immigrants using only slurwords and your uncles parents have expressed their absolute disgust about seeing a gay couple enjoy a nice picnic at the park, you get very cautious about who you tell. Especially since I dont want to put the supportive family in the position of having to consider whom they can talk to about this.

Another thing that Ive noticed after my exchange year in Sweden and seeing my first pride, though not having the time to attend, on my way there in Copenhagen, is how little support my country gives to this community from a social perspective. At my swedish school, all the teachers had a rainbow keyband from a *seminar about LGBTQA+ people*, something Im sure Germany would never do, and all of them kept it. There was no question whether you support us or not, it was an acceped part of social life and no big deal; we even did a private introduction round for pronouns!

And then I came back here. During pride month, there were no rainbow decorations, the most I saw of a parade was two discarded paper flags on the ground afterwards. When I vented about this to my ally friend, she only said that "some people and companies just like to stay neutral". Try all of them in Germany, but sure.

I know our community has come far, but I can also see that it isnt fsr enough, and that is the fight I am still fighting.

Hope this helps ^^."

"Alright. Mine isnt that interesting but I'll do my best :)

I came out as bisexual when i was in the sixth grade. It wasnt a huge deal to my mom. She said okay and we went on with our lives. Around the end of that year, i told her i thought i was trans and she said i wasnt. I came out to her again six months later and she said the same thing. There was a lot of yelling. Mind you, she isnt transphobic at all. The third time... she was so done with me. She yelled and so did i. It took four different times for her to accept me, and even then, i had to do the last time over text because i was scared of her reaction."

"So, my name is Ell. I identify as queer and demigender. I don't know what to say here really early than it's important to find others like you when you're not as close to your family as you used to be. Because of your identity. My family is more accepting than most, but still. The community online is so so important to me, and this project makes me really happy. So thank you. "

"I was at sea world and my mom was in the car I was talking about how my dad was super homophobic. My mom says that my dad acts like it’s a disease I said will if it is then I have got it, My mom is understanding and says that she will love me no matter what."

"So, I’m non-binary and bisexual. That’s a big no-no in a latino family like mine, it’s always grow up, get married with the opposite sex, and have kids. I don’t know why I felt that I could just say anything to my mom one day and she immediately objected. “Are you sure you’re not a lesbian or just confused? You can’t like more than one gender. Also, what’s this about a non gender? You’re either a boy or a girl, that’s it.”

Thankfully after a lecture and me apologizing (though I did nothing but tell her more about me) she let the subject go. I’ve never told my dad because I know mom just will get in the way and say I’m lying again, but at least my friends are understanding and almost completely LGBTQ+."

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sophieakatz · 6 years

Text

Thursday Thoughts: The Fruit Metaphor

I first wrote and performed this essay at the University of Iowa Feminist Voices Showcase in 2014. This is an edited version of the piece. Happy Asexual Awareness Week!

Does an apple with a banana sticker on it feel dysphoria?

When I was little, my family often spent the summer at my grandparents’ beach house in North Carolina. One day during one of these summers, my dad went grocery shopping and came home with a big bag of fruits and vegetables. He called my cousins and me over from where we were playing and told us to help put the food away.

And then, in a moment of fatherly silliness, my dad peeled a sticker off of a banana and put it on his forehead. I can still hear him saying to my mom when she walked in, “I am a banana! You can read my label.”

I remember finding this very funny. I mean, it was obvious to all of us that my dad wasn’t really a banana, no matter what his “label” said.

Even if you put a banana sticker on another fruit, like an apple, the apple would still be red, round, have a thin, edible peel, and have hard, brown seeds. A banana is yellow, curved, has a thick, inedible peel, and has tiny, almost unnoticeable seeds. No one would think that this mislabeled apple was actually a banana. They’d just think that the grocery store worker who put the label on it made a mistake.

But what if a different fruit arrived in the grocery store?

Imagine a fruit that’s purple, is small at one end and big at the other, has a thick, inedible peel, and has a big, hard pit. The grocery store worker tasked with finding the right label for this fruit might try to compare it to other fruit.

The fruit in question is purple, so it’s like a grape. But a grape is small and round, and this fruit is small at one end and big at the other, so it’s like a pear. But a pear has a thin, edible peel, and this fruit has a thick, inedible peel, so it’s like a banana. But a banana has tiny, almost unnoticeable seeds, and this fruit has a big, hard pit, so it’s like an apricot. But an apricot is orange, and this fruit is purple.

What if the grocery store worker doesn’t have a label for this fruit?

We humans love to put everything in its proper category. What things “are” matters to us, and so from a very young age we classify the world. Red toys go over here, yellow toys here, and blue toys here. Pots and pans are kitchen tools, while toothbrushes and toothpaste go in the bathroom. I am from Illinois, and my friends are from Iowa, Ohio, and Florida. My father is a college professor, and my mother is a high school teacher. I am a writer, a theme park employee, a girl.

Everybody knows that differences exist. What’s less clear is what these differences mean. Categories and labels let us see a varied world as orderly and making sense. Being different doesn’t matter if you know that you still belong somewhere, that other people experience the world the way you do, that even though you’re different, there’s nothing wrong with you.

I should consider myself lucky. I have a very loving family. From a young age, I knew, whatever I became in my life, my family would accept and support me. Lots of people don’t have that assurance.

But having that assurance didn’t change the fact that there was a part of me that I didn’t have a label for: my sexuality.

I can’t remember “learning” that people had different sexualities. It was just a part of the world, a part of the news, the media, and the people around me. I gradually came to know some labels for these differences: heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, and asexual. And, like the grocery store worker sorting fruit, in junior high I began to compare myself to these labels.

I could imagine myself falling in love with a boy, so I could be heterosexual. But I could also see myself falling in love with a girl, so I couldn’t be straight. But if I was attracted to both boys and girls, then I couldn’t be homosexual either. And I didn’t feel any aversion to people who were transgender or nonbinary or any other gender really, so maybe I was bisexual or pansexual.

But I’d never really felt sexual attraction towards anyone. I looked at pictures of people on the internet - movie stars, celebrities, the people that my classmates swooned over - and I felt nothing. I had no sexual desire for these people that everyone said were “so totally hot.” Did that mean I was asexual?

Eventually, I learned about romantic orientations, that it was possible to be attracted to people in an “I want to date you” way, but not an “I want to have sex with you” way. And there were plenty of people that I liked to spend time with and hug sometimes. So was I asexual, but panromantic?

And then, as if I wasn’t confused enough already, in high school and college I did start to feel sexual attraction. But it was a rare thing, something I only ever felt for a few of my very close friends, and when no relationship developed, it went away again.

If I had felt attraction, then I couldn’t be asexual. But none of the other labels felt right. I wouldn’t put any of those stickers on my forehead and believe that I truly was what it described.

I knew that I belonged places, that I was a girl, a daughter, a friend, and many other things. But in this category, a category that people all around me were exploring and finding their labels in, I was clueless. I didn’t know if I had a life story that anyone else could relate to. I didn’t know if there was a label that fit me.

That is, until the spring semester of my first year of college.

While scrolling down Tumblr one evening, I saw a post with the word “demisexuality” in it. I didn’t know what demisexuality was, so I googled it. And I learned that demisexuality is an ace-spectrum identity. A demisexual person is someone who does not experience sexual attraction unless they first form a strong emotional connection with another person.

I don’t know how to describe what I felt reading that definition, other than with the words, “Oh my god, this is me. There is a word for what I am. Other people experience the world the way I do. I’m different, but there is nothing wrong with me.”

I am a demisexual. You can read my label.

Come back every week for a new Thursday Thoughts!

Got a suggestion for a topic? Send it my way!

Like what you read? Consider tipping the writer!

#asexual awareness week #demisexuality #demisexual #asexuality #asexual #aspec #thursday thoughts #tumblr originals #essay #introspective #nonfiction #quiltbag #pride #labels #metaphor

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bewarethewolfarmy · 6 years

Text

(Okay so apparently the Thor’s Hammer scene is what my friend meant?

I’ll admit that seeing it (in clip form; I’d rather deal with this now than later so I didn’t look up the actual movie and apparently there was a different form for the release clip than the movie but the “movie clip” one I found used the joke being discussed) I can’t say it’s very disturbing, even there is also some confusion for some if it was even a real tradition; whether it is doesn’t change it being a rather troubling thing for Tony to say.

That said? I don’t think it means Tony isn’t a feminist. No more than I’m not an ally (as well as member but i digress) of the LGBTQIA community for accidentally calling Caitlyn Jenner by her dead name today. The major problem is we don’t see anyone call him on it and guess what? That doesn’t surprise. AoU was made by Joss Whedon, a man who Tumblr has pretty throughly discussed the problems with and who has done things like this before. Worse things at that. The Prima Noctis reference? Yeah that’s definitely a rape joke no doubt, but unless you watched Braveheart enough to remember that that came up, or know a lot of medieval European history (which again there’s at least a little confusion if kings and lords even actually made use of it, though again wouldn’t be surprised if they did cuz Europe has always had a looooot of dicks), or read European literature that used it as a way to show bad stuff from a ruler, it’s not something you’re going to pick up on. Also if you’re the type to research. My guess is most who even know about it aren’t super Braveheart or Gilgamesh fans; my guess would be you read about it off an anti-Stark blog because that’s what some fans do. They pinpoint bad traits or moments and harp on them forever.

For the record I love you redtyrannoranger, and my friend who sent me the actual links about the joke (seriously thank you XD). And thisn’t about either of you. It’s more about the fact that again Tony did make a rape joke and while it was supposed to be funny it really isn’t in context, BUT I still don’t think it changes anything about liking Tony for me at least. What’s that, how dare I? Oh hi antis, nice to meet you. I’m Rei, asexual panromantic in a heterosexual relationship whose asexuality shows itself as a frantic and absolute shutdown if I am touched sexually; my boyfriend tries to touch me and warning alarms go off in my head. Why? I don’t know; just wired that way I guess. Why am I bringing this up? Because someone is sure to try to take this post and say how I am justifying rape jokes and obviously i don’t understand. Because believe me you, I think I can even just a little. I have a best friend who at one point regularly sent me texts about wanting to have sex with me, begging, and whenever I’d relax around him he’d start touching me inappropriately. I know how it feels to be sexually harassed and even if I didn’t, I’ve got enough common sense to know rape is a bad thing. Rape. Is. Not. A. Joke. And so I’m not justifying Tony saying that; I would LOVE to see the Tony roleplayers I follow touch on this subject. Hell I might myself since I play him offsite. Cuz while yeah that was a completely not okay thing to say even in joking, people are not disqualified from being good or a feminist because they said one thing. Now show me the rest of the times Tony was a dickhole towards women maybe, cuz lets face it he’s an idiot and probably did it more than once. And as someone who does say stupid hurtful things sometimes, and who doesn’t always think before she acts, who has more than once said something that got her in trouble for it’s carelessness, I could just as easily see that scene as Tony speaking before thinking, a stupid careless joke that was not okay and he should have been called out on, but ultimately wasn’t something he meant at all or thought through in the least. Tony Stark is an idiot who somehow both excels and completely sucks at socializing all at once (he shocked Bruce Banner. The Hulk. He shocked him. As an experiment. The man is sometimes dangerously low on common sense and understanding of social ettiquette) and one very bad thing that he should have been called out on quicker does not make him any less of a hero to me.

#long rant #tony stark #avengers #avengers age of ultron #i understand now #but i still disagree that tony isn't a feminist #seriously though i can just hear the antis surging #thanks to my beloved conner-mun though for bringing this up to me though #and thanks to my lovely aura for giving me links on what the prima noctis was #i do love more knowledge and information when it comes to these things

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violetemerald · 7 years

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youtube

Multi-Couples/Multi-Friendships - "Shout" (The Joy & Pain of My Queerplatonic Relationship) - WYA

Song is called “Shout” and is by Ross Copperman. This video was a NIGHTMARE to edit and render because idk, my software just KEPT crashing, GOSH it was trying to kill me I swear.

This was made for season 2, round 2 of GlowingAprilSky's "Who You Are" contest, this time themed around "The Relationship". (Round 1, “Breaking Point” I entered with a fanvideo tribute to embracing my asexuality & sex-aversion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqRr60lP444 ) The idea for this round was to show a person who helped really change who we are going forward in our life, basically. We participants in the contest were supposed to focus on capturing how they affected us, and how they shaped who we are.

YouTube descriptions have character limits but tumblr doesn’t so look under the “~~~~~” for more stuff than what I could fit in my YouTube description! I transcribed the voiceovers down there too.

Urban Dictionary begins defining Queerplatonic as "a relationship which is more intense and intimate than is considered common or normal for a 'friendship', but doesn't fit the traditional sexual-romantic couple model."

Every Queerplatonic Relationship (QPR) or set of Queerplatonic Partners (QPP) is different, chooses the terminology for different reasons, and that's really the beauty of it. This is a word to describe everything that was forgotten in mainstream culture's narrow boxes of "just friends" vs. "more than friends because of the romantic(&usually sexual too) component". Some sex-averse asexual people are in celibate romantic relationships. But others are in relationships that are "more complicated".

Robert* and I met at an asexual meetup group. I was 25, he was 26. He leaned gay and had no attraction towards women (I'm female) but we bonded quickly over having a lot in common, and became close friends. I wasn't sure if I was aromantic or panromantic or what, but I knew in the back of my mind I'd like a queerplatonic partner one day. We had a lot of fun, went to concerts together, played board games, watched TV/films, talked about families and pasts including the deep personal stuff, the traumas. He shared about his mental health with me.

(*name has been changed)

At some point along the way, we realized we wanted similar futures. We both had wanted, since long before we met each other, to become foster parents and later adoptive parents. We were both atheists & while I'd planned to wait to start looking for a qpp to be a co-parent for my future children until after I was no longer unemployed, maybe after I'd figured out where I'd live in the country and stuff, it just happened sooner than I was ready. It was too perfect, too good to pass up, and after we'd known each other for about 7 months we stopped just being super close friends. We became queerplatonic partners. We didn't do anything really different, but we had this shared plan to one day be committed life partners and to for now be logical "plus ones" to events where people might bring significant others, such as his siblings' weddings. We were "together".

He broke up with me the 1st time after we'd been QPPs for 4 months. I was really crushed but happy we were at least still friends. It took some time to get back into a groove. We weren't as close. He ended it because he wasn't sure anymore he wanted that future and because he'd been hoping to feel more romantic things for me with time but instead his feelings had remained platonic. He was super important to me, & he'd told me before we broke up that he was thinking of signing up to deploy (as a U.S. civilian contractor) to Afghanistan.

He ultimately did leave to go on the 6 month deployment about 2 weeks into me finally having a full time job, long after we'd broken up. But we started texting more, while he was over there. (Facebook messaging, actually.) Our friendship's closeness was rekindled. We each had lots of down time during workdays, and we got back together around 1 month into his deployment.

We talked about everything for the 5 months we were in a long distance relationship, shared our lives with each other, and were "together". I told him I looked forward to slow dancing with him one day, and ice skating, etc... we rekindled our plans to become non-biological parents....

Skipping over some details he broke up with me only days after we first saw each other in person for the first time in 6 months. He texted, said he "Couldn't do this anymore", and when I tried to ask why he said he got a call but we'd talk more the next day.

I had texted a little more after that, asking if our near future plans to do a suicide prevention walk together etc were definitely off (because last time we still did some things together as friends, I thought maybe it wouldn't be outside the realm of possibility).

He never texted back, never contacted me again. I feel kinda like I was ghosted, abandoned. He never explained why we suddenly after 2 years were just... nothing. This was 6 months ago.

This vid should hopefully capture a lot of that (& more?). (Btw: I purposely didn't show ANY kissing.)

~~~~~

Some of the details I skipped over were that while I was with him, I realized how “demisensual” I am, not demisexual, I’m 100% asexual, but rather the “Sensual” suffix - I do not crave touch at all in my relationships unless I have a strong emotional bond, but I looked forward to reuniting and hugging him for months, and I did and it was a glorious hug when he was back home.

I also started fantasizing about maybe marrying him, or thinking about legality of adopting together if we weren’t married and how that probably would be impractical... and how we would or wouldn’t queer the wedding, and do it secularly without religion because that’s important to us, and how I probably wouldn’t want to wear white and stuff... but I was scared to voice these fantasies too early and scare him away.

Also we gave each other gifts by mail even during those 5 months when we were long-distance, and over the course of our relationship before that too. That was a pretty good indicator of how close we’d gotten, he bought be an iPod, gave me a necklace I liked to wear, I picked out gifts for him really carefully for Christmas too, etc.

But how did this relationship change who I am or the course of my life/my future? I mean, because of Robert I realized it’s possible for me to fall in love, and it made my dream of finding a co-parent despite my orientation seem tangible, it gave me hope and optimism for a time, showed me how much joy I was capable. For a while there I had started basically thinking of him as my fiance, I felt that committed to him.

I could tell things weren't perfect, especially at the end, but I couldn't tell for sure where his mind was at. I was waiting till we were alone and in person together and it basically never came. I was a little worried about him & his mental state near the end, also just worried about us. The time we spent together when he first got back was mainly in groups with other friends though so we didn’t get privacy.

I kinda sorta saw it coming here and there. He seemed a little afraid to commit to me, and much more closeted than me about any of his non-straightness, him being gay-gray-asexual, the gay part was hard given his upbringing and the asexual part he acted like was more private but I... I am not private about this stuff. Lol see this video I just made. So that was part of why I wanted to include David/Keith from Six Feet Under and capture the complexities of internalized homophobia/wishing he was straight/”using me” to be able to say he had a “Girlfriend” as a good thing for his reputation in front of his straight guy friends/co-workers while I kinda felt like I was lying every time I might call him my boyfriend maybe to a co-worker. The whole thing was more complicated than I can really explain right now, but I wanted to try.

After he left me with no explanation of why he “can’t do this relationship anymore”, why we couldn’t even stay friends, with nothing more than answering my initial “Was it something I did??” with a “Not really”, uh... my heart was shattered and I was so angry and so heartbroken and... at first I was a little worried he might be struggling so much mentally that he’d be suicidal and I was checking to see that he still was “Active” on Facebook sometime that day so I’d, I guess be assured he was fine.

He showed me how much grief and sadness I really can feel over a breakup, he affected how I think of so many little things with a twinge of sadness for 6 months now, he may not be the love of my life, but he will always be my first real love. He wasn’t my first boyfriend. But he was my first queerplatonic partner, the first person I fell in love with, and the first relationship I truly had to learn to mourn. He will always be “a” love of my life, in my life story I’ll never forget him. Those 2 years were so significant.

He also has made it really hard for me to forsee ever trusting that a person really means it when they tell me how much they’re looking forward to plans for the future, how committed they are, how much they care about me, etc, because of how suddenly he changed his stances on everything. He left me traumatized to just suddenly go from assuring me yes he wanted to spend Memorial Day in two weeks with me and sending me cards in the mail expressing how happy he was to see me again in person soon, and then the next day be breaking up with me and cutting off all contact whatsoever, ending our friendship and acquaintance entirely. It gave me whiplash. It made me doubt my instincts about other people, and I’m going to have to make an effort to not let him taint any future relationship, if I’m so lucky to one day have one. Which. I’m not holding my breath there...

Because yeah, even now, 6 months later, I am legitimately worried I will never be able to find anyone to co-parent adopted children with who wants a queerplatonic type kissing-free, sex-free relationship with me. I’m trying to think practically about possibly doing the parenting thing single. I just don’t know yet where my life will lead, and if I indeed do any single or joint-parenting thing, it’s still a few years off.

About this video, I wanted to include a mix of friendships and couples to capture how being queerplatonic is neither one nor the other. I’m not “shipping” all these friendships, at least not in the traditional sense. I’m embracing loving them for exactly what they are in canon as a representation of what queerplatonic level bonds can be!

The majority of the ships started as friends and then started kissing/dating, and may or may not have ended up together on the show, but they had this heart to them of deep friendship which helps me relate to them and pushed me to want to include them in this video. I had so many options and some of the ones I chose to include in the end surprised even myself.

Every single pairing in this video remained friends with each other, at the very least, by the end of the TV show, except for the two Parenthood ones and also I think Jake/Peyton never saw each other again. So that’s pretty good, either ending up together or at least being on friendly terms till the end for 18 out of 21 “Ships”. Even one of those two parenthood ones, Ryan & Amber, did end up being co-parents so they are still in each other’s lives, LOL!!

I almost included other model relationships I love on TV shows like Reid/Maeve (Criminal Minds) but so much of their relationship is about literal grief over a death and idk, this is just different. There were tons of choices of ships, more queerplatonic level partnerships in things I watch - remember http://luvtheheaven.tumblr.com/post/155333908172/list-of-queerplatonic-level-relationships-people and well, basically... I watch WAY too much TV. But I ultimately settled on these 21 to get to the heart of what I wanted to go for. I even included two couples I usually consider myself not to ship, Laurel/Oliver and Chloe/Clark. I was never rooting for either, and think Lauriver are much better as friends on Arrow and don’t believe their chemistry, but the way Oliver and Clark act towards Laurel and Chloe respectively really reminds me of some of the moments of unreciprocated feelings Robert seemed to have towards me at times, like he cared deeply but didn’t care as much as I did, etc etc.

Friendships With Fully Incompatible Sexual Orientations to really capture our Asexual and Aro-Spec type of attraction me and my qpp had for each other:

John/Sherlock (to me these are THE classic queerplatonic bond) (BBC Sherlock)

Wilson/House (based off Sherlock Holmes and John Watson, these two also have so much of that vibe) (House M.D.)

Mario/Angus (Code Black)

Scott/Stiles (Teen Wolf)

Neal/Mozzie (White Collar) - it’s important to me that I headcanon them as queerplatonic these days, they are such partners in their lives, it’s like... the commitment, gosh

Friendships that also had one-sided romance or were more complicated:

Caitlin/Cisco (The Flash) - their friendship isn’t more complicated at all, yet, not really. But they are more obviously shippable even if you’re not a slash shipper because they both are straight and female/male. Like they totally could end up together on the show and it wouldn’t surprise me if they go there eventually, who really knows. They have compatible sexual orientations is all. They are therefore “more likely” to find each other attractive than either me or my qpp were likely to have those feelings for each other. That’s why I’m putting them down here.

Brian/Voodoo - Voodoo is asexual, Brian is straight (Sirens)

Karma/Amy - Amy is queer, Karma... well people might debate if she’s straight or not... (Faking It)

Chloe/Clark (Smallville) - I don’t think them dating for about 1.5 episodes out of 10 full seasons and over 200 episodes counts to put them in the category below.

Regular ships/couples, who still had long periods of being “just friends” (before and/or as exes):

Bay/Emmett (Switched at Birth)

Toby/Spencer (Pretty Little Liars)

Jake/Peyton (One Tree Hill)

Laurel/Oliver (Arrow)

Joan/Adam (Joan of Arcadia)

Auggie/Annie (Covert Affairs)

David/Keith (Six Feet Under)

Ryan/Amber (Parenthood)

Jim/Pam (The Office)

Drew/Amy (Parenthood)

Matt/Julie (Friday Night Lights)

Rory/Jess (Gilmore Girls)

Voiceovers:

Toby: I feel like when we’re picturing our future together, we’re not looking at the same picture anymore.

Peyton: Do you want to get married?

Peyton: Giving your heart to somebody; that’s the scary part.

Karma: What do I have to do to get you to stay?

Joan: But you had my heart, Adam!

John (Bay’s father): You okay?

Claire, David’s sister: What do you see in him? Keith: He’s smart. He’s kind. He’s funny. When someone sees you as you really are, and wants to be with you, that’s powerful.

Wilson: I need a friend. I need you to tell me that you love me.

Stiles: What if... What if Scott’s my best friend now, but he’s not my best friend for life?

Ryan: I... I went back, and I re-enlisted.

Mozzie: 48 hours. I hope you’ll come with us. Neal: You’re giving me an ultimatum.

Pam: You were my best friend before you went to Stamford. I- I miss having fun with you.

Brian: You don’t want to have sex, and that’s fine with me. ‘Cause I’m not having sex right now either! I’m just happy being around you.

Amber: I’m so mad at you. I don’t understand why you would leave me.

Amy: I need some space. Drew: How much space? Amy: A lot.

Amy: Karma and I are more than just best friends, we’re soulmates. The normal rules don’t apply to us.

Mycroft (Sherlock’s brother): This is a private matter. Sherlock: John stays. Mycroft: This is family. Sherlock: That’s why he stays!!

Oliver: What’s this for? Laurel: Because you’re important to me.

Laurel: Ollie, I know that I am not the love of your life. But you will always be the love of mine.

Rory: You know, I have actually thought about this moment. What would Jess say to me if I ever saw him again? I mean he just took off, no word, so he couldn’t possibly have a good excuse for that!

Mozzie: And I find myself reminded that... unshared life... is not living.

Jess: You still going to Yale? Rory: It’s really close to here. Jess: 22.8 miles.

Rory: You ended up not coming to my graduation, and leaving again, so... That’s it I guess.

Bay: I waited for you, to come back to me, to talk through what had happened! And I gave you space, and then you... just... you disconnected without telling me! You moved on!

Keith: Fine, why don’t we cut our losses and call it quits right now! David: What? Keith: As long as you feel a need to keep our relationship a secret, David... you’re ashamed of it, man!

Brian: She met him on... one of those Asexual Message Boards.

House: Boy meets girl, boy says, “I’m asexual.” Girl says, “Yeah, me too.”

Wilson: I think they were happy.

Amber: You’ve been through so much, and I hate that you hurt.

Adam: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to drag you through a whole ‘nother mess, you know?

Matt: You know, with everything that I was going through- Julie: Matt, we were together for almost four years!

Joan: I know.

Julie: I know everything about you!

Amber: I want to have kids with you, and I want to be your wife.

Auggie: This isn’t our song.

Julie: I hate you so much for leaving me. How could you do that to someone you love?

Amber: I loved him, and now he’s gone!

Stiles: Scott, just tell me how to fix this, alright? Please, just tell me. What do you want me to do!

Tami (Julie’s mom): There’s gonna be somebody else special for you. Julie: But it’s not Matt.

#Queerplatonic #Queerplatonic partners #Breakup #fanvideo #fandom

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storytellerofuntoldlegends · 7 years

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200 Followers!

Heyo, it’s Hannah, and a couple of days ago I hit 200 followers! (221 to be exact, holy cats!) So there a lot of you now, so I’m just going to tell y’all a couple things about myself!

1. My name is Hannah, and I am 17 years old (I’ll be 18 on March 31st, I’M NOT READY TO BE AN ADULT).

2. I’m demi-panromantic and graysexual, and let me just take a sec to explain what that means. Graysexual is an orientation under the “ace umbrella”, and basically it means that while most of the time I am asexual, there are times where I do feel sexual attraction (not a lot though). The other part of my sexual orientation is where things get complicated. I’m both demiromantic and panromantic, or demi-panromantic to make things easier. Demiromantic means that I don’t feel romantic attraction to anyone unless I have a strong platonic bond with them. And panromantic means that I’m attracted to all genders (but I tend to lean more towards guys). So whether you’re a guy, gal, or nonbinary pal, it doesn’t matter to me! I only care about who you are as a person!

3. I have an autoimmune disorder called Addison's Disease. Basically, my adrenal glands (which are near your kidneys) are supposed to produce a hormone that controls your fight or flight responses. What that means is, my body can’t really heal itself as a result when I get sick or injured. To keep me healthy all of the time, I have to take medication every eight hours for the rest of my life. It kinda sounds like it sucks, but trust me, I like not dying. (I’ve been hospitalized twice because of this, so I’d like to avoid another hospital visit as much as possible thank you)

4. I’m a proud Hufflepuff! I’m also a Thunderbird. And my patronus is a stoat!

5. My favorite color is yellow.

6. I really like owls.

7. People say that I’m a lot like Patton, but I’ve also been compared to Roman. I honestly see myself as a combination of both. I’ve got a big heart and am generally cheerful and goofy all of the time. I also can be a bit of a drama queen, and I really love Disney and musicals.

8. I really like the Sanders Sides, and 90% of what I post is about them. The other 10% is nerdy stuff and occasionally personal stuff about me.

9. I’m an aspiring author, and while I primarily write fanfiction, I am working on some original stuff. Maybe one day I’ll work up the courage to try and get it published.

10. Like many other Fanders, I created my own sides! The sideblog where I post about them is @denisse-cira-alyson-galyna! So if you want to learn more about who I am, be sure to check it out!

So, I think that’s pretty much everything about me! This got a little long winded, but I just wanted to take the opportunity to properly introduce myself! Thank you all SO MUCH for being here, love you lots! <3

#Hannah speaks #200 followers celebration #thank you guys so much!!#im just flabbergasted #cause folks i am trash #but hey if youre here for trash #youve come to the right place #but again #thank you soooo much!!#ily fam <3

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pomp-adourable · 7 years

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I can’t post this on facebook. I don’t want to share my story there. But I want to share it here. This is the story of a long distance ex-girlfriend of mine, who emotionally manipulated me into doing sexual things I didn’t actually want to do. I don’t know if that... “counts”, as part of this whole #MeToo initiative... But it did make me want to finally share the whole of this story. Details are under the cut.

When I was in college I had a long distance girlfriend named Stephanie. She was a transwoman, and that didn’t matter to me at all. At the time I considered myself Pansexual, and I just liked her for who she was. We would webcam on skype almost every day, watch netflix and anime together, and talk for hours.

One day though, she tried to initiate some sexual situation over webcam. When we connected on skype, she was topless, rubbing her breasts occasionally and I... was admittedly oblivious to what she was trying to do. I thought we were just going to watch anime together. I felt awkward, and unsure. I think at the time i just tried to play coy; I was a virgin, totally inexperienced, and had never been in this sort of situation before. I complimented her, to let her know I thought she was beautiful, but that’s as far as I went with it. I didn’t try to initiate any further. She seemed frustrated, and I specifically remember her saying “That’s not the reaction I was expecting from you.”

I think it was that same night, after we had logged off to go to bed, that she texted me after I had already left and said she needed to talk about something important. So I got back on skype, and we got on webcam, and she told me that “In a normal relationship, couples would be having sex by now.” (We had been dating maybe a month or two.) She said that she “had needs” and more or less convinced me that I was obligated to do something about it, because we were in a relationship. It’s what people in relationships do. That was the first time I took my clothes off in front of (a webcam for) someone. I only stripped down to my bra and panties, but I know she took screen shots of me and saved them.

The next time it happened, we connected on webcam, and she was completely naked. I’ll remind you that she was pre-op MTF, so she was stroking her penis, and was actually bragging about how big it was. She told me I should get naked too. I said I didn’t really want to masturbate on camera with her. She told me I didn’t have to, but that I should get naked any way, and she could masturbate to it. So I fuckin did. Of course. I do remember refusing to show her the “pink of my pussy”, which she had been very disappointed about. I know she took screen shots, again. I didn’t stay to watch her masturbate. I don’t know what excuse I made to leave, but I know i didn’t stay and watch her.

After that, we met in person, but I was very firm with her that I didn’t want to have sex. Which she said was fine. The most we did was make out in the back-seat of my best friends car on our drive home from Disney world. It was the most awkward situation of my life. My best friend and her best friend made awkward small talk while we sucked face in the back. I remember it was fucking disgusting, because I could taste her bad breath, and it actually made me gag. I remember she reached under my shirt and pulled my breasts out of my bra and pinched my nipples, but when I tried to do the same to her she made me stop. I refused to let her put her hand down my pants so she settled on grabbing my ass over the underwear.

I wasn’t FORCED to do any of this. I reluctantly consented to it. I pretended to be excited about it. But I did it all because I thought I loved her, and was afraid she would leave me if I didn’t do it. Or I was afraid she would do something to harm herself if I didn’t validate her. She had convinced me that these were things normal couples did. I had never been in a normal, healthy relationship before, so I was naive, inexperienced, and too worried about hurting HER feelings to refuse her. She was so sensitive. Being transgender, she was constantly seeking validation from me, that I saw her as a woman. That I thought she was beautiful. And I was so afraid that if I refused to do these sexual things for her, that she would think that I didn’t REALLY believe she was a beautiful woman. I did see her as a beautiful woman... but really, I just wasn’t attracted to her. (That’s a whole other can of worms. That situation lead me to believe that I was actually asexual, BECAUSE I hadn’t attracted to her. “How could I not be sexually attracted to the person I love?” I thought maybe I was an asexual panromantic. But now, I’ve since decided that sexuality is confusing and fluid, so I just use the term Queer.)

Or maybe I wasn’t attracted to her because of the way she urged me into doing these things that I didn’t actually want to do, that I only did because I thought I was supposed to, that it was normal, and this was a thing normal couples did... That I was supposed to give my partner sexual gratification even if I didn’t really want to.

Ultimately, she broke up with me. She said she couldn’t take the distance, and I said it was okay, that I understood. Inside, I was so, so fucking overjoyed that she’d broken up with me. I always told people “It was a mutual decision, because of the distance.” In reality, I’d been hoping she would break up with me for weeks. Because I was too weak to break up with her.

I’ve grown a lot as a person since all of this happened. At the time, I didn’t realize that I was being emotionally manipulated. Now, years later, I can stand back and see the situation for what it really was. It was abusive. Maybe not on purpose. Maybe she hadn’t been intentionally manipulating me. Maybe she was just seeking validation for her own insecurities. But that doesn’t fucking matter to me any more. I don’t care what her excuses were. She hurt me. And only now, that I’m in a healthy, loving relationship, am I starting to realize just how deeply she’d hurt me. And with the help of my partner, I’m finally starting to heal.

#pompadourable #tw: abuse #tw: emotional abuse #tw: emotional manipulation

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thedarcydichotomy · 7 years

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PLEASE REPOST, DO NOT REBLOG! Feel free to add to any of your answers! The purpose is to tell your partners about the way you write! For the multiple choice ones, BOLD all that apply and, if you want, italicize if it’s a conditional answer!

– B A S I C S –

NAME : Sunny ARE YOU OVER 18? Yes / No IS YOUR MUSE? Yes / No

ARE YOU SELECTIVE ABOUT WHO YOU WRITE WITH? No (anyone) / Semi (most) / Yes / Highly / Private (mutuals only) I wasn’t, and then I was, because it was doing my head in how much I was putting myself out there and trying to interact with people and just getting ignored and dropped so often. Now I’m somewhere in the middle - I am open to writing with just about anyone, bar a few muse types outlined in my rules, but I still maintain the right to decide not to if it’s not jiving with me.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE ABOUT WHO YOU FOLLOW? No (anyone) / Semi / Yes / Highly

IF YOURS IS A CANON MUSE, HOW MUCH DO YOU STICK TO IT? Not at all / A little / Some / Mostly / Strictly / (OC) Everything that we saw of Darcy in canon I keep as true, but I deviate quite drastically following The Dark World. The whole werewolf thing obviously being the biggest divergence. Technically there’s nothing in canon that goes against my version, although that may change with Ragnarok and Fenrir being involved there.

WHAT POST LENGTHS DO YOU WRITE? One Liners / Single-Para / Multi-Para / Novella

DO YOU USE ICONS AND/OR GIFS? No / Gifs / Icons / Gif icons I like using them as a visual aid, when they fit, but usually I’ll just match whatever my partner is doing.

DO YOU WRITE ON OTHER PLATFORMS? No / Yes

WHAT LEVEL OF PLOTS DO YOU WRITE? Un-plotted / Open-Ended Plots / Semi-Plotted / Fully Plotted Seat of the pants is good. I prefer some kind of plot for longer threads, as it gives some guidance to the direction of the story, but they are usually fairly loose and always open-ended, so things can develop naturally within the interaction.

HOW QUICKLY DO YOU USUALLY RESPOND TO THREADS? Very Slow (< a month) / Slow (3–4 Weeks) / Average (1–2 Weeks) / Fast (>One Week) / Very Fast (>Three Days) I am all over the shop, and that’s just the way it is. Some threads my muse is chomping at the bit for, some days I can’t muster the energy to write at all. I’ve been a bit slower than usual more recently, but my aim is to try and find the middle ground of 2 weeks max.

WHAT TYPES OF THEMES DO YOU LIKE? (Feel free to add!) Fluff / Angst / Smut / Action / Tragedy / Domestic / Family / Conversational / Hurt-Comfort / Crack / Adventure / Romance

WHAT GENRES DO YOU LIKE? (Feel free to add!) High Fantasy / Supernatural / Science Fiction / Historical / Horror / Comedy / Romantic / Drama / Action / Adventure / Espionage / Everything I’m open to pretty much anything anyone wants to swing at me.

THEMES YOU’RE UNCOMFORTABLE WRITING? (not triggers) No / Yes Within reason, of course - I don’t shy away from much in the way of themes, but how the theme is written, that’s very important as to whether I’m ok with it or not.

DO YOU HAVE ANY TRIGGERS? HOW SHOULD IT BE TAGGED? No / Yes Just not in roleplay, thankfully, but I fully support the tagging of anything graphic, whether it’s sexual or violent or gory or anything else.

– S H I P P I N G –

WHAT TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS ARE YOU OPEN TO? Romantic / Platonic / Familial / Physical / Sexual I’ve not been in the mood to actually write smut lately, but talking about how our muses would be sexually A+++

WHAT TYPES OF PRE-ESTABLISHED SHIPS ARE YOU OPEN TO? Romantic / Platonic / Familial / Physical / Sexual None. I often have problems with any kind of pre-existing relationship, whether it’s a romantic ship or platonic. Too often, especially with a character like mine with a lot of room to put your own perspective into, people make a lot of assumptions about who my muse is and those ideas have been pushed on me too hard too often.

DO YOU HAVE OTPS? No / Chemistry only / Yes I’ve got them, but I (hopefully) do not push them on other writers, and I’m always open to chemistry over what I ship already.

DO YOU HAVE NOTPS? No / Yes / I don’t know Quite a few of them, because they just squick me. I don’t have any that involve Darcy though, except maybe Darcy/Jane - I barely even see friendship between them in the movies, let alone anything potentially romantic.

WHAT IS YOUR MUSE’S SEXUAL ORIENTATION? Heterosexual / Heteroflexible / Bisexual / Homoflexible / Homosexual / Pansexual / Demisexual / Sapiosexual / Asexual / Attracted to masculinity / Attracted to femininity / Attracted to androgyny / sex favorable / sex repulsed

WHAT IS YOUR MUSE’S ROMANTIC ORIENTATION? Heteroromantic / Heteroflexible / Biromantic / Homoflexible / Homoromantic / Panromantic / Demiromantic / Sapioromantic / Aromantic / Polyamorous / romance favorable / romance repulsed

ARE YOU COMFORTABLE WRITING SMUT? No / Selectively / Yes

HOW EARLY IN A RELATIONSHIP DO YOU SHIP ROMANTICALLY Autoship / During Plotting / After A Couple IC Interactions / Several IC Interactions / Slow Burn / Depends on partner or muse I like to figure out how we fit as writers and how our muses fit before starting to ship, but I can be converted quickly if it feels right.

ARE YOU OPEN TO TOXIC SHIPS? No / Selectively / Yes

ARE YOU OPEN TO PROBLEMATIC SHIPS? (canon history, age difference, complicated, etc.) No / Selectively / Yes I have no issue with age difference (as long as it’s not getting into creepy, one of them is still technically a child type of age difference), a ship being born out of a complicated or even toxic history can be very interesting to explore.

ARE YOU OPEN TO POLYSHIPPING? No / Selectively / YES A thousand times yes. I love poly ships.

ARE YOU AN EXCLUSIVE SHIPPER? No / Sometimes / Yes

DOES CRACK SHIPPING EVER HAPPEN? No / Sometimes / Yes Well...not really. I think I’ve written a couple of things in the past that were just silly, but it’s not something I ever set out to do.

DOES CROSSOVER SHIPPING EVER HAPPEN? No / Yes / Depends

tagged by: @whiskeyandtwoshotglasses

tagging: whomsoever wants to do it

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tyranasaurusbec · 7 years

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update on my friendship drama (very long story under the cut. Like it took me an hour to write all out and I skipped some details)

I don’t remember what I wrote last time but let’s start at Wednesday night (names changed to numbers because I’m cool sharing my whole life with the internet, but you know my friends not be cool with that).

So Wednesday night, I got dinner with some friends (we’ll call them 3, 4, 5, 6 (4/5/6 are really close friends that I was starting to become really good friends with and 3/4 are roommates, 3/4 are in my bio class and 4 is in my physics class)). And then some guys show up (only one is pertinent to the story, we can call him 7). 6 has been getting really close to 7 recently (but I’m an oblivious ass mofo so I didn’t notice much). 3 mentions there’s a ping pong tournament this weekend on campus and asks if any of us are in it. 6 invites us all to play ping pong (including 7, but not his friends. Fishy, but I’m oblivious to anything out of the ordinary occurring). So then a couple other friends come by (0, 1, 2. 0/1 are roommates and I consider(ed?) 1/2 to be my best friends, but they’re closer to each other than either is to me (this becomes important later). They had been eating dinner somewhere else in the dining hall. Somebody mentions that we might be playing ping pong because 2 likes ping pong. She says to call us if we play in her dorm area (there’s like 8 million residence halls and she lives in a cluster of 4 buildings) and we say sure. Exit 0, 1, 2. (I find out later that 2 felt excluded because we didn’t ask her to eat with us beforehand. I can’t remember how the plans were made, but I didn’t intentionally leave her out) So we go to where 3/4/5 live to play ping pong. Somebody mentions that we should call 2 because she wanted to play. 3/4/5 live in a different cluster of buildings (there’s at least 4 buildings there? not really sure) and 6 says that she thinks that 2 would only come if we were in her building cluster. So nobody calls 2, but at some point somebody posts on their snap story that we’re playing ping pong. (2 sees this and is upset, but I had no idea) I leave for improv, at some point the others leave. 0, 1, 2 were all hanging out and 2 sees 6/7 walking and holding hands when walking back to her building (2/6 live in the same cluster of buildings, but not the same building (7 lives in my building)). 1 has had a crush on 7 for a long time (like at least halfway through LAST semester. 6 met 7 at the beginning of the semester. (SIDENOTE FLASHBACK: before winter break, 1 told me that she was over 7, since he had shown no interest in her. I introduced (when he wasn’t there) 7 to 6 as “the guy 1 used to have a crush on”. I found out the next day that 1 was not over 7 and still very much into him. I didn’t tell 6 this because like I didn’t think it was important. (note: IT TURNED OUT TO BE VERY IMPORTANT))

So on thursday, we usually eat lunch as a huge group (Tuesdays are the same, but I’m not there because I have a recitation then). Like ALL OF US. 1-7 and several other people who aren’t in this story. Like we can’t even fit at a whole table so we combine some. I got there early and nabbed a table. I texted in the groupchat that I had a table. Nobody responds. Okay, weird, but whatever. I see 2 and I’m like “hey can I sit with you?” and she’s like “whatever sure”. 1, 2, 3 are there. Everybody’s pretty quiet (we’re usually pretty loud). I figure they’re just tired, because college. Exit all. I see 1 later on thursday, and I wave. She waves, but like she does not look happy to see me. Weird. But maybe she’s still just tired. I go eat dinner with 8 and 3 (who texted in the groupchat and 3 and I were the only ones to respond. 2/8 are roommates. 8 and I are now bros (I think) and in bio together also). We see 6, and invite her to sit with us. She says she has a different table already and that our table won’t fit everybody, since 7 and his friends are coming (note: we had 10 chairs like how many friends does this boy have). 3 has to leave soon, so we stay and say that we’ll just stop by to say hi before going to a standup show (sidenote: the comedian was shitty) and maybe invite them. We go and say hi 7 and rubbing 6′s arm. 6 is really touchy (remember fanfiction dream friend, who calls me her boyfriend? Her) so whenever she was touching 7 I didn’t make note of it because that’s just who 6 is (and I’m an oblivious ass mofo). That’s fishy. Later on Thursday night 6 texts me asking if I want to live with her, 4, and 5. I like them and 6 is a sophomore so she gets higher preference on housing and we’re more likely to get a quad. So I say yes (note: I had also said to 1/2 that I would maybe live with them. But I said it very noncommittally and told them that if 4/5/6 asked me, I would probably say yes, since I didn’t want to be #3 of a quad that turns into a double, because it’s hard for incoming sophomores to get quads and I didn’t want to live with one of 1 or 2′s friends that I don’t know. Most of the people I’d be able to live with are involved in this story. 8 applied to be an RA and she’d be the only one of 1/2′s friends that I’d be pretty happy to live with. As I said before, 1/2 are MUCH closer to each other than they are to me. They make plans without me pretty frequently, not gonna lie (and it kinda really hurts sometimes? Because they’ll talk about it like I was there and be like “... wait no you weren’t there” (tonight this happened, and it was actually -1 they were thinking of (who is chinese, if that’s at all relevant)). Like??? No wonder I started to hang out with people who aren’t you, you keep leaving me off of shit. I got a small apology for that on saturday and tonight, but like it felt more like lip service than an apology to me). Along the way, I ask 6 if anything is happening between her and 7. She says kinda. I make note and resolve to tell 1 and 2 the next day, because it’s kind of late and I want to tell 1 in person, not over the phone (note: I’m the 2nd or 3rd to last to know, just before 8 and (maybe?) 3).

Friday comes: I text 1 and 2 asking if they want to get lunch (we all get out of class at 1. In the same building). 1 takes a long time to text back (always), but 2 is very fast at responding usually. 1:00 comes and I go downstairs (my class is on the second floor, their’s are on the 1st) to see if I can find them since they didn’t text back. They’re not there (last week they waited for me). I stand around, because maybe their classes ran late. Nope. I text 2 asking if she’s mad at me. No response. I get lunch with 8 (I forgot I had made plans with her actually... I feel bad, because as much of a +1 I am, 8 is even more of a +1. She’s really cool and we should include her more, but I’m not a Friend In Charge(TM)) and 8 mentions something about how 2 was upset about something on Wednesday night, that she took a phone call (she takes lots of phone calls in their room, which is another reason I don’t want to live with 1/2, because I hear all the bad roommate stuff from 8), and that she heard my name somewhere in the call (it was like a several hour call). Well, shit. I eat dinner with 4/5/6 to “talk about housing” (note: that never happens, two other random people were there). Whatever. I spend Friday night alone (I would usually probably do something with 1/2 but they’re not talking to me at this time???)

Saturday rolls around and I have heard nothing from 2. She posted a snap story, so I know that she got my text and is ignoring it. So I text 1 if something’s up (I didn’t text her that earlier because I didn’t want to be redundant texting both of them the same question). I get lunch with 8. Walking into the dining hall, 0/1 are walking out. 1 says “I got your text. We need to talk”. I just about SHIT MYSELF. She says she’ll text me after she goes to the gym. 2 and a half hours pass, I’m sitting in my room, dying. I text her asking if she’s done at the gym and she says something about like forgetting to text me (ARGH). I basically go over immediately. She tells me her perspective of the events from Wednesday to Thursday. I tell her mine. Things get cleared up and I (kind of) come out to her (I watered it down and was like “oh hey I’m bi and that might be why I didn’t notice 6 and 7 canoodling, because not only am I oblivious, but I treat guys/girls basically equally when it comes to affection” but she might think I was being fake because she mentioned her roommate is bi and has a girlfriend right now and 6 has expressed homophobic opinions (and transphobic ones to me). Side-side-side note: I usually let that shit slide because I don’t want the question of my sexuality of gender identity to come up because I don’t want to lie but I AM NOT READY TO LEAVE THIS CLOSET until I am absolutely 100% sure about all of it (because like I feel fake? Like somehow it’s all for attention (even tho I AM BURIED IN THE CLOSET and straight up have no plans to come out to most people ever) and I’m cishet and not agender panromantic and asexual, like it doesn’t feel like I could really be anything but cishet, but at the same time all three of those identities really speak to me???) I never agree with the intolerant stuff, but like I don’t want to put myself in an awkward position. Anyway, back to the story). 2 went home for the weekend, so I finally cleared stuff up with her tonight after dinner (but I felt like they put this whole thing on me even though this is not at all only my fault (parts? yes, for sure) and the resolution with 2 didn’t feel as wholesome as it had with 1. 2 basically wants me to stop being friends with 4/5/6 because of this shit (but none of them are aware of any of this and I can’t just drop off the planet, like I’m living with them next year as of now), and I don’t want to not be friends with them. (I told 2 that it was like 2 parents got divorced and like I’m the kid and now I have to find a way to be a part of both lives without crossing the two (and maybe a third one because this guy is trying to make me part of his friend group, but that’s another story...) I made a joke about the parent trap and she laughed, but I don’t know if she actually liked it. This whole thing got me FUCKED UP when it comes to thinking my friends are cool with something).

I haven’t talked to 4/5/6 about any of this and, well, I don’t know what to say to them. But I want to hang out with them but this thing was basically my whole weekend and they’re definitely going to ask me about my weekend, since I didn’t hang out with them at all over the weekend. I don’t want to make any of this drama worse by A. Saying something about the situation that 1/2 don’t want 4/5/6 to know; B. Saying something that 1/2 agree that I can tell 4/5/6 and then upsetting 6 with it; or C. Saying something that makes 1/2/4/5/6 upset and basically exploding my entire social situation.

And I’m still a bit salty about a couple things. 1. 1/2 hang out without inviting me all the time and I see no indications that that’s going to stop. 2. I? Wasn’t? The? Only? Person? Who? Knew? Like, 8 and I both knew exactly the same information, but nobody’s mad at 8, just me. 3. When 1/2 were mad at me, they just stopped talking to me. I felt like straight up garbage and like a total outcast when that happened. I feel like they didn’t treat me fairly, by icing me for 2 days. 4. I’m not a good friend and I’m mad at myself for that. I need to be better, and I’ve been really trying, with texting and shit, but I guess it’s just not enough. 5. FUCKING DRAMA I HATE IT, how did I get stuck in the middle of this? Isn’t drama usually started by the person in the middle? Should I be worried about 1/2 starting more drama down the road?

#y'all #very very long post #i'd appreciate it if somebody responded tho

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