#it is no excuse to treat me like im at fault either

[atinyniki]

dear (ex)lover.

group: stray kids !

pairing: idol!kim seungmin x f!reader

genre: pure angst, letter

warnings + additional info: seungmin is referred to as seungmin and min, seungmin was (and still is) a dick, seungmin is a player, seungmin led reader on, reader reminisces the past, reader blames seungmin for the downfall of their relationship (rightfully so), reader has past trauma from relationships, mentions of waiting till marriage, reader has body image issues, reader has been depressed, reader has trust issues, reader misses seungmin, just a really really sad angsty letter, intended lowercase, written in letter format.

authors note: okay. im so sorry for this... this is also not proofread. english is not my first language, so please excuse any grammatical or spelling errors. happy reading :)

wc: 1033

dear lover,

why don’t we talk anymore? i remember, you told me i was your best friend once. i remember, i was your best friend before i was your lover. i understand, your love for me is gone now, but weren’t we supposed to be friends? didn’t you tell me we could go back to the way it was? so why don’t you talk to me? why do you avoid my eyes when you see me? why do you ignore my texts?

why do you only speak to me when it’s convenient for you?

i remember when i first opened up to you, my love. i told you i didn’t fit in with the group. i didn't think you needed me, and i didn’t think the others did either. you told me you didn’t know you needed me until i was in your life. do you still need me? why did you love me like that if you were just going to ghost me in the end? we talked about so much. you bought me my wedding ring. i wore my heart on my sleeve for you. you gave me a promise ring. why did you break your promise? why did you write so many love letters to me, knowing that you were leaving in the end?

what did i do to be treated like this? i should have been better to you, right? it’s my fault, right? i had to have done something… right? what did i do? i can do better, i can. i can be a better friend, i promise. you were my first real friend. you held me when things were hard. i need you to hold me once more. you always did my hair all nice to distract me. i miss when you’d braid it. you even played with my stuffed animals with me. you were the first person who accepted me for me.

why don’t you like me anymore? why am i always the one to approach you? did you only speak to me because i spoke to you first? was this all one-sided and you only spoke to me because i annoyed you till you replied? i didn’t know. i didn’t know that i was being annoying. i didn’t realize it. i thought you wanted me too. i’ve been having nightmares again. you told me you’d be there. it’s funny, isn’t it? you promised you’d always be there, but now you’re the cause of them. you broke my trust. you fucked up, and i forgave you. again and again, i forgave you. i took you back for every mistake you made.

why did you take my heart for granted? why did you break me like this? am i unlovable? did you grow tired of me? could you not stand me anymore like the others? the boys told me what you said about me. what you said about my body. i know i don’t look the same anymore, but can’t you still love me? am i really all that different now? or maybe you just don’t want someone who rots in bed all day. yeah, they told me that part too. maybe you couldn’t deal with my past trauma. i’ve lost people in the past like i lost you before. you told me you wouldn’t leave me. not the way they did, at least. but you did. you left, and you ruined me in the process.

maybe i am unlovable. maybe this was meant to happen. was it for the better? did you mean it when you said you loved me those last nights we spent together? did you find it fun? breaking my heart? was it nice to watch me fall apart that night on my bedroom floor? was it fun to use my own pain against me? was it fun telling me it was my fault? did it take some of your guilt away?

i’m mad at you, still.

but a part of me still loves you. a part of me still wants to forgive you, and i don’t know why. i shouldn’t, i know. you don’t deserve my forgiveness. you don’t deserve anything i have to offer. but i still want to forgive you. i still want to love you like i used to. i still want to tell you that im here for you, and i still want to hold you while we fall asleep. i still want to brush away your tears, and i still want to do your skincare for you. but you’re fading away from my life. i don’t know the person i fell in love with anymore, because they aren’t you. i miss his sweet voice, and i miss his melting touch. i miss the sound of his heartbeat, and i miss his heart. but it’s always going to be you, isn’t it? it’s always been you. you’re the person i love most, but the feelings are fading away too. i want to keep them with me. i want to hold it all so tight that your love can’t escape anymore, but you’re gone. you’re gone, and you took my heart with you.

i’m sorry. was i not good enough for you? i wish i could have been the one for you. i don’t know if i’m allowed to say it, but i miss you, min. i miss our late night laughter, i miss our runs to the coffee shop. i miss the bond we had. where did it go? why am i the only one putting effort into this stupid friendship anymore? why do i always text first? why am i begging for you to love me again?

it’s stupid.

this is stupid.

you’re stupid.

i hate you.

i hate you for using me.

i hate you so much for ruining us.

i hate you for ruining what we had.

i hate you for ruining every memory with you.

i hate you for ruining me for anybody else.

you ruined me.

they’ll never be you.

no one will ever be you.

i hate you, kim seungmin.

i hate you.

i miss you.

i miss you, and i hate it.

i hate it.

i hate you.

i love you, your ex lover.

</3

#atinyniki #seungmin #kim seungmin #skz #stray kids #straykids #skz seungmin #skz kim seungmin #stray kids seungmin #stray kids kim seungmin #straykids seungmin #straykids kim seungmin #seungmin angst #seungmin imagines #kim seungmin angst #skz angst #stray kids angst #straykids angst #seungmin x y/n #seungmin x reader #kim seungmin x reader

[mysterycitrus]

You’ve talked about how fandom treats jtodd & dick, so what are your thoughts on how fandom treats dick & tim?

There’s this post that’s asking about people’s batfamily hot takes, and I was scrolling through the reblogs bc I love drama. One of the “hot takes” was calling dick a bad brother bc of the bruce lost in time comic era. Specifically saying that fandom excuses dick’s shitty behavior towards Tim bc his dad (Bruce) died and because of the stress of taking care of the city by himself. While Tim was hurting because of the deaths of Kon, Bart, Jack, Steph, and Donna (idk why they included Donna as Tim’s grief and not Dick’s??) and therefore Tim’s & Dick’s hurt and stress aren’t the same. According to this person, Tim was going through it and Dick was making it worse.

Now, I’m not going to claim I know how everything went down since I haven’t read those comics yet, but this feels like a gross misunderstanding of the arc.

From what I’ve seen, fandom tends to invalidate and villainize Dick during this time in favor of Tim. Dick is not being excused, in fact he’s being blamed for things that are either not his fault or just made up in order to whump Tim. Idk that “hot take” just rubbed me the wrong way because of how one-sided it was, and I guess it made me wonder about your thoughts about Dick & Tim since I tend to agree with your opinions lmao

fundamentally the issue is this — dick grayson existing and being a good person is an obstacle for fanon angst. dick grayson being a good brother means that jtodd can’t just slot into his pre-existing relationships with tim and cass and damian. dick grayson being a good friends means that he’s close with the titans and the league because he’s competent and trusted. dick grayson being kind means that he didn’t abandon tim, he was literally trying to keep everything together after bruce’s death.

not to try and make it a grief olympics but as much as people talk about everyone tim has lost (and i think they must have been talking about dana winters in that post?) people seem to forget that dick’s city just got nuked + the fallout of nightwing 93 + donna dying + jade dying + the titans falling apart + he was just locked in arkham himself. like… his dad has just died, he’s had to fight off his brother who’d just tried to kill both tim and damian and been given custody over a kid who doesn’t trust him

red robin 2009 has done irreversible harm to tim drakes character. people using that as the starting point for reading about him is bad. it’s a comic about a grief spiral, and it isn’t an amazing depiction of him either. but even then, people just seem to love straight up fabricating what’s in it.

dick tells tim that therapy might be a good idea. tim tells dick that he’s leaving because he trusts dick to let him do what he needs to do. even at his lowest point, dick is who he trusts most. those takes that’re like “tim drake was at his lowest point and then jtodd sees him and realises that he’s cool actually and they bond #jasontoddisagoodbrother #dickgraysonisabadbrother etc” because they like to posit that dick threatened to throw tim in arkham are so silly

that���s even ignoring how people just straight up lie about damian’s actions and how weird everyone is about ra’s al ghul. no, tim isn’t the only one he refers to as detective aside from bruce. no, tim isn’t one step away from being a mass murderer. no, damian didn’t try to kill tim— he was reacting to tim being suspicious of him. tim was beefing with a ten year old. why are u being so mean to the ten year old? (We Know Why)

ur right — it is extremely one-sided. im not one to pretend that canon is flawless by any means, but acting as though fanon is better just because someone online came up with it is also stupid. there are many many racist undertones with how jtodd and tim are interpreted, both separately and with each other. a lot of it is yaoi baiting dynamics, that a lot of fans don’t seem to want to admit. i won’t comment on how white people writing jtodd as latino and tim as asian can be Bad but like…. it’s all tied up together. people want these two characters to have suffered the most, because that justifies everything fans want them to do. they want them to be wronged. they want their idea of justice in their name

#does that make sense? Idk #dick grayson #dc comics #anti batfanon #the ask and the answer

[yuikomoriemo]

Hiya!! :)) Do you think you could please make Shuu's reaction to Reiji coming to him at an ungodly hour with tear stains on his face because he wants to have a better relationship with him finally? And he's like, apologizing for everything like crazy and taking all the blame, he just seems really broken. T-T (Can you tell I live for angst? lol Have a wonderful day!)

((Oh my goodness- ....Darling I LOVE ANGST I WILL DO THIS FOR YA HEHEHE 😈💕😭😭))

Title: I Forgive You

Contains:Angst and a wholesome ending

Trigger Warning: mention of abuse and death

(THIS IS NOT A SHIP)

It's was around midnight , Shu would be sleeping as always, not showing interest in the world right now it was peaceful..until he was awaken by what sounded like a familiar man crying, it was a suprise for Shu to realise that the foe who was crying was...his brother Reiji?.

Reiji was staring at his brother with what looked like was red, swollen eyes filled with tears..this was odd enough already but..why was he crying? Shu wondered and was about to ask but that's when the black haired make broke down covering his face, he hated showing how 'weak' he is. "I-im sorry shu..I'm sorry for everything I've done to you I'm sorry for always treating you like a nobody I'm sorry for insulting you I'm sorry for killing your best friend I just wanted mother to finally notice me but that's no excuse!! It's my fault he can't remember you now I've ruined your life and yet you've never showed me any callous or any sort of hatred even though you should- I just!-" He broke down even more, he was trembling while holding himself.

Shu never stopped reiji to speak but...somehow..it was refreshing to hear those words from him 'I'm Sorry' that's all shu wanted to hear for over several years, he hated seeing his brother so upset..he hated most of them upset but reiji just made his heart shatter. He'd get up and walk over to reiji quietly and...he embraced him...for the first time in a long time, Reiji honestly expected Shu to just tell him to get out but as soon as he was wrapped in shus arms...he sank into the embrace holding shu for dear life and sobbed on his shoulder. Shu smiled slightly, rubbing his younger brothers back..even he was tearing up a bit "..I forgive you Reiji...I just wish you came earlier...but I'm happy either way, now cone on..you can sleep in here tonight" he said softly, Reiji nodded trying to wipe his tears away.

By the end of the tears, Shu was cuddled up with Reiji like they used to as babies..both listening to music.

((I cried so much writing this @bubblespalace thanks lmao 😭😭💕💕)

[ill-say-this-fast]

One thing i didnt like about the Billy+Tommy are their kids thing (which is otherwise so dear to me) is the excuse it gives Vision for abandoning them and for being unsatisfied with Wanda after everything he put her through to get kids that way (entirely for his ego). I dont want to him to have an excuse, if im a gratuitous hater for one fictional character its Vision, i want him to die forever.

But ive been thinking about how much characters take Crystals side - even Wanda is on Pietro's ass about treating her well (When has he ever treated any woman poorly or even hinted that he would before this point that she would feel the need to say this cuz its been the opposite as far as i see?), and while i know its just lazy women-vs-men writing, it would be justified if everyone knows he's in love with someone else.

Like Wanda feels guilty about it and its her feeling bad that motivates her to be protective of Crystal. No one blames Crystal too much for cheating cuz hasnt Pietro been at least emotionally cheating the whole time, so its his fault if you think about it. Its really obvious from the way he talks about it that his professions of devotions to her arent really about her. She's just a proxy for his sister. He doesn't even know her as a person, no matter how much hes trying to be a good husband, he's pretending shes someone else and struggling to deal with it when that isnt who she is. And everyone feels bad for her even though she isnt a very good person herself.

I didnt want to give her excuses either, but this explains the weird narrative moments so much better than whats explicitly presented.

#sticking by visions just a dick though #hes not getting a complex narrative from me #maxicest #scarletsilver #u: 616

[tojikai]

I have a small message for some readers: stories and characters develop. People are going to change for the better or the worst, that’s just how it goes. Naomi wasn’t always the perfect girl (she never was), and with Gojo that’s up to you. Some people feel like he hasn’t done enough or doesn’t deserve Y/N for what he’s done to her, shit even Gojo himself feels like he doesn’t. That’s totally valid. But it’s weird when some readers are frustrated that characters try redeeming themselves or turn out to be terrible or even just make mistakes 😭 no one is perfect, that would make for a boring story. honestly this behavior happens sometimes and I just don’t get it. That anon that was victim blaming gojo for almost getting r*ped and excusing naomi really got under my skin and I felt like I had to say something. ANYWAY.

One thing I wanna say is, good for his dad. He’s finally doing what he should’ve done earlier. Staying together for a kid is never a good idea, they can always tell and it’s better to live with two parents that are happier apart than miserable together. Satoru probably saw how his father tolerated his mother and it skewed his view on relationships. But not anymore, I hope they both cut that parasite out of their lives for good. I hope that they can both go no contact easily but poor Satoru is gonna need years of therapy to undo the damage she’s done.

I’m so nervous about what Toji is going to say to Satoru. I’m actually feeling like Toji might tell him that he wants to give Satoru another chance with Y/N. Another reader pointed out that Toji had the luxury to live out their happy family and I know he would want Y/N and Yui to have that opportunity. Toji has his faults but he’s a good person and I said a couple chapters back he wants Y/N to be happy.

I DO THINK he should be letting Y/N make these decisions to be honest but I don’t even know what Toji is gonna say so let me stop before I get ahead of myself LOL

Satoru was too lenient on Naomi but it’s his decision to make on what he thinks should happen. A legal battle would just put the entire situation at the forefront of his life for months, maybe years and he just seems tired of it all. I just hope she leaves and doesn’t ever come back, she’s done enough.

Through it all, I wonder what Y/N wants. Would she be willing to give Gojo another chance? Does she even still love him like that? We’ve been a bit in the dark about her actual feelings for him, we just know what she’s been thinking. She’s a very reserved protagonist, even to us as readers I think. Toji can make her happy, I think she knows this too. So if a decision was to be made by her, I wonder what she’d choose.

I’m hoping that this zoo hangout can give them some peace and clarity for their future. Whatever it is, I know you’ll do it justice. This next chapter is either the final one, or the second to last one and I’m so excited!

Thank you so much Kai, this chapter was incredible and I hope uni is treating you well 🥰 much love to you and I appreciate your work so much. Be well!

hiiii, this is so on point. just like real people, these characters change depending on the situation they go through and information they acquire. i feel like some readers wants someone perfect, but having perfect characters could literally end an angst story in a chapter or 2 so that's less fun 😭 as for toji, he really wants yn to be and he can make her happy, it's just that their situation isn't really helping or allowing it to happen smoothly 🥹 satoru was being a soft about what he wants to happen to naomi for the sake of peace. man's just tired and other than that, he's blaming himself for it too. it's like he's thinking that it wouldn't have happened if he didn't drag it long :(( As for yn's feelings, i hope chapter 8 can deliver it well, it's in there !! anw thank you so much for this, im grateful for all of your support to me and this story<3 i hope you're doing well~

#🍭—kaitalks #f: sundered

[fluffytriceratops]

𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦 - 𝐚. 𝐦𝐢𝐲𝐚 [chapter one]

chapter one: "𝚖𝚛𝚜 𝚔𝚠𝚊𝚗 𝚒𝚜 𝚖𝚢 𝚜𝚞𝚐𝚊𝚛 𝚍𝚊𝚍𝚍𝚢."

notes: i'm not in uni so i don't know what i'm talking about most of the time huehue

chapter two: "bootymeat."

««•◦ ✪ ◦•»»

Friday, 2:28 pm.

y/n

guess who failed her mid terms??

*le cry*  

bokubro

wtf tell me you're joking-

tsukitsuki

i can't say i'm surprised

kendoll

we knew it was going to happen eventually

no one should be surprised at this point

tetsu

wth?! even after all my tutoring??

y/n

well fuck you guys too-

thanks for the support, dickheads

bokubro

hey!! what about me?? 😭😭

y/n

not you bo, you're such a bean i luv you 🥰  

bokubro

AHH I LUVE YOU TOOO SDJdfj 🥰🥰🥰

kendoll

you guys disgust me

tsukitsuki

i dont have the patience for this

y/n

eat shit

queen keiji

aren't we forgetting something? are we just going to let her off the hook that easily?

tetsu

HOW DID YOU FAIL YOUR MIDTERMS

tsukitsuki

cuz she's an idiot

y/n

shut up string bean!

and technically i only failed one class-

but i just barley passed in most of the other's so..

👁👄👁👌✨

queen keiji

but i thought kuroo was helping you study?

bokubro

yeah! and you sounded so sure of yourself earlier

tetsu

don't blame this on me, she did this to herself

you guys sit with her for hours on end trying to get her to focus. it aint an easy task.

y/n

he was- i'm not even going to try to lie, he's right 🥲

kendoll

like i said, stupid

y/n

kenma i swear--- i will destroy your village in minecraft dont test me

👺👺👺

kendoll

not my fault you have half a brain cell

tsukitsuki

didn't you help build that village?

y/n

fuck you guys

i'm going out to eat sushi & boba and i'm not bringing any of you 🖕

bokubro

heyy!!!

WHAT ABOUT ME

queen keiji

excuse me??

tetsu

RUDEEEE

y/n

BESIDES YOU THREE ofc 💕

tetsu aren't you in class rn? and bo do you not have practice soon??

tetsu

yeah but we're just reviewing stuff from monday

plus it'll be over soon

bokubro

shit i nearly forgot

wait for ME???

pPLEASE?

kendoll

i want boba

tsukitsuki

i want sushi

y/n

well too fucking bad you guys can eat shit

soggy anus's

tsukitsuki

do you not have class in half an hour?

kendoll

soggy anus's? the fuck y/n

y/n

i can eat fast

bokubro

NOOO WAIT FOR ME

PLESSEAE

testu

WAIT FOR ME TOOO

queen keiji

i would also like you to wait for me

y/n

UGHHGHGH

FINEEE

but no kenma or tsukishima, they can suck my toes

tsukitsuki

that's fucking disgusting

is that some weird kink of yours?

kendoll

i change my mind

i don't want to go out with you anyway

bokubro

wait actually?

y/n are you into that stuff?

kendoll

i wouldn't put it past her, she's probably into all kinds of weird shit

y/n

EWW NO

SHUT UP YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT

tsukitsuki

how am i supposed to know what you meant?

i think what you want is pretty clear, nasty hoe

queen keiji

if you guys don't stop pissing her off none of us are going to be able to go

tsukitsuki

idc i'll go out with kozume

kendoll

i'd be up for that

bokubro

WAIT I WANNA COME TOO

y/n

THATs IT I"M GOING TO GET FOOD NOW PISS OFF FUCKERS

BO YOU FKCING TRAITOR

queen keiji

what did i say

tsukitsuki

idc either way

kendoll

i hope you choke

bokubro

NO WAIT Y/N IM SORRYRY

tetsu

wait y/n my class is over in like 2 minutes

let me come with!!  

y/n

KISS MY ASS

except for kaashi and tetsu💕

and ye- i'll wait for you i'm outside of my english classroom

kendoll

ew no

i knew you were into some nasty shit

bokubro

Y/N NOO

I"M SOWWRY

I DIDNT MEAN ITTTT

tetsu

alright, i'm leaving now!

y/n

thats your punishment for betraying me

now you know how it feels

keiji are you able to come now too?

kendoll

don't worry bo, you can come with us

tsukitsuki

exactly you don't want to hang out with her anyway

we're better

y/n

fuck you!

bo don't go! if you don't go i'll come pick you up after practice with food! anything you want, my treat!

queen keiji

i can't rn, i am also in class but if you're going to bring bokuto food, can you bring me some too please?

bokubro

does this mean you're not mad at me anymore ?

kendoll

dont fall for it bokuto!

tsukitsuki

yeah, come with us

y/n

bo i could never be mad at you!!! i love you so much~! 🥰🥰🥰

and sure, i'll get you something too keiji ^^  

queen keiji

alright, thank you 🙂

bokubro

I LOVE YOU TOOO DFSJDF 🥰🥰🥰 get me something with LOTS of meat please!!

y/n

okie! keiji do you have a preference on what you want?

tetsu

okay im back im with y/n now

kendoll

you don't have to tell us that

tetsu

i wanted to 😎

tsukitsuki

that emoji doesn't even make sense

tetsu

yes it does!

queen keiji

not really. you know what i like i trust you.

bokubro

ahh i gotta go now! ill see you later y/n!!

y/n

alrighty! see you soonish bo!!

tetsu

bye bo!

queen keiji

have fun at practise

bokubro

byeee! and thanks akaashi, I will 😊

y/n aight losers we're off i shall see you at home

tsukitsuki

or you could move out

y/n

shut up prick you're gonna see my hobo ass whether you want to or not

kendoll

we'd rather not

Friday, 3:56 pm.

y/n

mrs kwan is my sugar daddy

tsukitsuki

what the fuck

kendoll

as in the babysitter from cat in the hat?

tetsu

i just cackled so loudly- everyone is starring as me

y/n

yeah that's her 🥰

queen keiji

i don't know how to feel about this

kendoll

idk if i should be concerned or not

tsukitsuki

there is something mentally wrong with you

tetsu

im all for it, id smash

tsukitsuki

any sliver of respect i had for you is gone

y/n

ikr? she's such a hottie 😏🥵 tsuki doesn't know what he's missing

tetsu

clearly 🥵

tsukitsuki

that's it im changing the locks when i get home

kendoll

I'll help you

queen keiji

y/n aren't you in class rn? pay attention

y/n

okay okay!

...

would you smash kaashi?

tetsu

we need a tie breaker

queen keiji

...

yeah, sure

tsukitsuki

ive never been more disappointed

kendoll

agreed

gru is better

tsukitsuki

i hate you all

Friday, 6:18 pm.

bokubro

what'd i miss? 😂 dunno who she is imma look her up—

ohhh! yeah id smash 👁👄👁🤌✨

#fluffytriceratops #hq #haikyuu #haikyu #haikyuu!! #hq x reader #hq reader insert #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu reader insert #hq fanfic #hq fanfiction #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu fanfic #atsumu miya #atsumu miya x reader #miya atsumu #hq atsumu #hq atsumu miya #miya twins #miya atsumu x reader #atsumu x reader #hq textfic #hq texts #haikyuu texts #haikyuu textfic #osamu miya #miya osamu #suna rintarou #suna rintarō #rintaro suna

[tojisun]

re: prev anon

tw - mentions of use of substance

hi love, dont apologize for not wanting to come off anon! ik how anxiety-inducing it is to reveal these vulnerable moments in our lives; thank u sm for trusting me (us) w this.

im truly sorry that this happened to u. that sounded so emotionally and mentally draining, above all else. no one deserves to be treated like this, and im glad ur out of that situation sweetheart.

let me be clear right now: it is not your fault.

god it is never urs. u have every right to feel discomfort when he sent u those videos and when he forced that topic to be the only thing u two ever talked about. from the get-go, this was truly a one-sided… friendship? relationship?

i know how it is to struggle w substance – not me, personally, but ive seen people i love suffer from it so i can understand what u mean how difficult it is for him.

but also, that doesnt excuse him from being so toxic and abusive – because this is abuse.

the coercion of a one-sided conversation that forces u to feel bad for him which ultimately traps u in this situation – this is abuse.

i could see now why u wanna send that mssge. why u wanna have this conversation for ur own healing.

i think, then, that u have to call the shots on this one, my love. my only hope is that if and when u do send that message, that u be in a safe environment, and safe mental and emotional state. that u are ready for any response he may give – this either means a reply to ur message or none at all.

just be safe. be careful.

and before all that, i hope u know i am proud of u and i am happy that u are out of that situation

#anon #ask

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW romantic partner violence

hey. so i've known that this isn't healthy for a long time, but when we're good we're really good. we've been together 10 years, he has been having occasional outbursts for 8-9. when it started i was quite young and very in love and just rolled with it. then we enmeshed our lives more and im now in a very grey area where i would destroy his life if i kicked him out.

he is a trauma survivor, has cptsd and i know that most of his outburst are due to me triggering him. which feels terrible. he doesn't (won't, due to trauma) work, so he has no income source. i support us completely. if i try to leave and kick him out, he will have to either go back to his familial abusers or be homeless. i cannot justify this.

i'm considering officially breaking up, to some extent, and moving into my office, at least most of the time. i think he might accept it, he is very unhappy and blames me for it. im not sure tho, it could also cause a huge outburst if i suggested it.

anyway, i guess i just wanted to vent and to see if anyone has ideas. i don't want to hurt him more or ruin his life. i just don't want to be treated like this any more.

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been going through.

I understand that it's such a hard decision to make. You don't want to be treated this way and carry so much burden, but you also don't want to essentially send your partner back to his abusers. It's definitely a complex situation and the answer isn't easy.

I'd like to show you this ask I answered about what a healthy relationship looks like. You may be able to use this to identify where your relationship stands.

It sounds like communication may be an issue in your relationship, specifically when it comes to communicating triggers. Without a conversation about it, you shouldn't be expected to know what triggers him. You're not a mind reader, you know? So it's not necessarily your fault for triggering him when you don't even really know what those triggers are. It's on your partner to communicate his needs and boundaries just as it is on you to communicate yours.

I'm not entirely sure what you mean by outbursts but if these are directed at you or making you exhausted or stressed then that's definitely not okay. While his trauma may explain some of his outbursts or other behavior it of course in no way excuses them.

It also sounds like not only do you try to be an emotional support, but all the weight of financial support is on you as well. This is imbalanced.

What I would say is, your partner has a lot to be grateful for being that you not only offer him a safe place to live but you are the sole source of income, so it doesn't make sense to me that he blames you for his own unhappiness. If he is going to choose to mistreat you then it is your right to kick him out if necessary. It's a hard decision though of course, because you don't want him to be sent back to his abusers, but really, that's not your problem. If you need him to leave then you need him to leave, where he goes is not really for you to worry about. It's important to assert your boundaries and put your foot down when you've had enough, even if it doesn't benefit everyone.

If you don't think it would be safe for you to have a conversation with him about separating then you may want to consider coming up with a safety/escape plan. I found that this site can help you construct a comprehensive safety plan for yourself.

If anyone else has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw abuse #tw emotional abuse

[menalez]

Y'know when reading this discourse about bisexual women and lesbians I was inclining more towards understanding and agreeing with side that puts lesbians over bi women but it was your own shitty ass behavior that made me reconsider everything.

"There was just one woman who called bi women as cocksuckers"

No, there are plenty of lesbians who have done that and y'know it (your lovely bestie desisapphic excuses it too). They are generally not radfems but they do exist.

Stop saying bi women getting concerned over such remarks is "harassing lesbians".

And please pretend that you guys don't perpetuate rape culture at all but one of your mutuals legit reblogged one of your posts about bisolationist (who's a bi male csa survivor) saying that he's lying about his rape. As a csa female survivor I was appalled by this behavior. These are the feminists I am supposed to look upto?

And a lot , a lot of homosexuals love to say that bisexuals lie about their highest rates of r*pe and ipv even though every study done on it proves otherwise.

Idc if you believe biphobia isn't real or not. But there is a widespread form of prejudice that bisexuals face at the hands of both homosexuals and heterosexuals.

And every fucking time you guys just love to say "well it was just ONE of us" when it's so many fucking of you.

Bi women on this app have been continuously calling that out but you don't care. They're just lying no?

Bi people may or may not have privilege over homosexual people. But they sure as hell aren't privileged in general. Straight people don't treat them like royalty ya know? Actually try listening to a bi person who has overcome their internalized homophobia and the way straight people have treated them.

Bi women who identify as lesbians are bad evil lesbophobes. But straight people who identify as bi are not evil. No it's the stupid bisexuals that are the "spicy straights" right? No matter what the case it is always bi women's fault. They aren't affected by any other community at all! Right? Bi people don't go through any actual struggles (again in the words of your bestie desisapphic).

And have you guys ever thought that us lesbian women, as and straight women too don't have to firsthand experience to know what bisexuality is and that we should at least not police what it is like to live in a homophobic society as a bisexual? Like I generally don't see many known bi radfems here make lesbophobic comments. The only ones I have come across are eldopoism somebody and femaleinsight.

And lastly maybe maybe just consider that some of those bi women who seem lesbophobic go through internalized misogyny or homophobia which makes them shit on their own ssa and entertain moids more. That they're nothing but victims of patriarchal mindset too. It might change your perspective a lot.

weird u think not tolerating lesbophobia is putting “lesbians over bi women”.

“plenty of lesbians have done that!! and ur bestie desisapphic excuses it” just sounds like “all lesbians i disagree with form a unit and are best friends and never disagree” to me lol but im nearly sure i never argued only one lesbian in the entire world has ever uttered those words. im pretty sure my argument was that lesbians aren’t anymore likely to say such things than any other group and that it’s not enough of lesbians to justify stereotyping lesbians and being lesbophobic. but interesting how u twisted that!

“stop saying bi women concerned over such remarks are “harassing lesbians””

even tho i never said taking issue with such remarks is lesbophobic or harassing lesbians. i myself have taken issue with such terminology, but again it doesn’t mean im gonna accept lesbophobia in response to it either. it’s such a double standard that u think lesbians responding to lesbophobic OSA women by using misogynistic language is bad, but responding to that same lesbian with lesbophobic comments should be given a pass. both are bad. that’s where i stand and that’s why you wrote me this long ass message whining at me.

“please pretend you don’t perpetuate rape culture at all but one of your mutuals..”

weird. we’re mutuals now? based on what? bc i thought mutuals were supposed to be people that follow each other, but now mutuals are just people who reblogged my post that i didn’t agree with or respond to or ever interact with myself? also love how u just pretended like i can’t possibly be a victim of CSA myself lol.

i read thru the rest of ur rant but it was more of u putting words in my mouth, making assumptions, and insulting me for arguments i haven’t made bc u don’t know how to read. also acting like i said bi ppl get treated the exact same as hets (weird bc i said the exact opposite of that) or like i said only one gay person has ever said anything bad about bi people (weird bc i never claimed that) or that gay ppl can’t have prejudiced ideas about bisexuals (weird bc i said biphobia as in an individual prejudice is possible and some gay ppl do display it) and more just to get mad at me that i don’t look past lesbophobia. cry more about it ig or maybe take it up with the ppl u actually take issue with instead of putting words in my mouth & then whining random people are my best friend or mutual even when that isn’t the case whatsoever to justify ranting at me.

[tulpafcker]

yeah reading that webebed comic is making me think about like. growing up On Line and knowing there was something wrong with me, KNOWING i had a personality disorder and just not knowing Which One, but knowing it was most likely one of the two that people dont give much sympathy to

but then also being surrounded by people who do the same things i did and DIDN'T have those disorders

is such... a wild fucking experience. i joke like "haha more people should think theyre a sociopath growing up, it humbles you and makes you painfully aware of how people see the shit youre doing" but like, even if the people i knew thought that of themselves, they wouldnt care! theyd brush it off or think theyre one of the good ones (tm) with no self reflection!! and thats because I did it!!

like. as a teenager, i genuinley thought "its not that i dont FEEL remorse, its just that i havent done anything that was bad enough to feel remorse over!" and concluded that i didn't have aspd

like. i was simultaneously self aware and not self aware, except since i was more self aware than most, it was easy for me to believe that nothing escaped my field of view

and even to this day, it's like... why?? i was in a whole fucking group of remorseless assholes who were overly violent about people we didnt like! we were ALL quick to turn on each other, and we were just a small group of a huger group! we couldnt ALL have aspd?? and WE DONT!!! WE DIDNT!!!

some of them were just being teenagers, some of them have other shit wrong with them that they either got help for or... didn't.

its just. aaaaa!! and yes depending on who it was directed on, my anger issues and impulsivity were both used to help the group and ostracize me! my friends LIKED when i could turn on people on a dime and drive them out of the group if they did something percieved as Bad. some of them genuinley WERE horrifically manipulative people and it was good that they got out of there SOMEhow. but they got out because the server admin was too pussy to do her job and Administrate The Server so it was My job. but if the admin herself or her friends hurt me (for instance, by saying that i was selfish for wanting to kill myself,) then suddenly i was scary and irrational and couldnt be trusted. fun!

and this suuuucks but wrt the webbe comic i see myself a lot in gage in that his Go To Excuse (im traumatized!!!) was MY go to excuse back in the day. plus i struggle w like. just because i dont MEAN to be manipulative, doesnt mean that i cant BE manipulative, plus its not the other partys fault for feeling manipulated

gage is lowkey also kinda unempathetic to milo cuz he finds milo annoying at times and uhhh thats a hashtag struggle of hashtag mine

and like. id never date an actual fucking murderer (but then again i can just SAY anything. in another life i could see myself justifying it if i was in a worse spot) but the reaction towards gage vs milo by the commentors of the comic is telling imo

in that gage (as far as we know) has been thru shitty situations and we dunno how he grew up yet (or maybe we do idk im not done) and he has maladaptive, manipulative, and hurtful coping mechanisms just like milo does but in the comments milo is seen as a wrong but still sympathetic guy while gage.. isnt

and thags kind of how it felt, yk. growing up the way i did. like i wasnt the best person but neither were the other guys but they got sympathy because they *appeared* good and pitiable and soft, they were treated like flawed yet human individuals going thru it, and i was lowkey dehumanized even before i ever really thought i had Dehumanized Implicitly Personality Disorder

ALSO the "sorry for saying s*ciopath i didnt mean to offend people w aspd" part in the comic Gets Me because there are people who do say that BUT thats the begining and end of anything they say abt aspd and its kiiind of hurting it ngl

cuz like. i agree honestly! i think people should maybe not say sociopath as freely as they do anymore. for one its not used diagnostically anymore and for two; in the layperson, the word paints a picture of a very stereotypical moviefied version of someone with aspd. so not only is it not used medically, its used in a way that dehumanizes people with actual aspd- in fact a lot of people dont even know that its CALLED aspd!

and of course, Not Saying Sociopath Anymore isnt gonna solve ableism (i learned the term aspd from an Ableist Video after all) but like. it would be nice? maybe?? to have the basic decency to not be referred to by a word thats used to either treat me like a dogshit criminal implicitly OR sell a warped version of the thing i struggle with to hollywood audiences and or true crime affecionados

but because of people who ONLY say that stuff and nothing else, the notion isnt really taken seriously by anyone and is brushed off as Stupid Internet Stuff + a smattering of "if you REALLY had REAL aspd you wouldnt CARE wether or not someone called you a sociopath!!!"

which of course is ironically another example of ableism not being solved by Changing Terms but uhh yeah since the fauxtivist puriteen blogs r where a lot of people first heard of the concept its IMMIDIATLEY written off as stupid internet stuff and i just think its very very funny that milo webcomicboy said that just like. as a microcosm of him? say/do shit that sounds progressive but does stuff that actually is either a) irrelevant or b) hurts people more than it helps them

also just bc i relate to gage doesnt mean i like him theyre all pieces of shit. i like him as a character not as a person. everyone here sucks assssssssssssssss but im just. observing plus a lil like. not exactly recognition of self thru the other but "oh god that COULDVE been me if i didnt get very very very lucky" self awareness did not fix me and it did not save me but it saved me just a leeeeeeeeettle bit and thats enough babeyyy

if this makes no sense im SORRY ive been soo traumatixed also im LITERALLY neurodivergent and a minor???? ugh!!!

(nah fr fr it is late as all fuckkkkk idk if this is coherent. if its not just shhhhh let it fade into obscurity thanks i appreciste it)

[weekendswithnewtmas]

I need to vent for a sec.

So im involved in an online community of gamers and streamers. I was in a heavily toxic relationship for a little over two years, but i broke it off about a year and a half ago. Unfortunately during that time my ex got involved with these people as well and they're all wonderful, but they've become friends with him and i still have to see him around all the fucking time and it just pisses me off. I don't miss that man at all, it just makes me angry that he did what he did to me, got away with it and they don't know and still hang out with him all the time, sometimes even more than me.

When i tell you this man is fake as fuck, i mean it. He has everyone fooled. He had me fooled for over two years.

He's immature as fuck, would throw temper tantrums when things didn't go his way. If he got upset if any way, even if it wasn't my doing. Like if he was gaming and lost, he would literally not talk to me and ignore me or just completely talk down to me and tell me it was my fault. Even when i had done NOTHING to do with it.

He would gaslight the fuck out of me. Make fun of or mock my choices of music i liked or shows and movies i was into.

Communication was lackluster as fuck, if i didn't text or communicate with him we literally wouldn't talk the whole day. He was also very secretive with his life, and after two years that shouldn't be the case. Im not saying i have to know everything, but barely knowing anything after being with someone for two years is not right.

We were long distance, he never came to visit me once, yet i made the trips to visit him multiple times. Everytime i went out there i had to get a rental car. I also was mysteriously never allowed to stay over at his place when i was there, he always had some excuse as to why i couldn't. I had to either get a hotel or an airbnb which he never offered to help me pay for anything. Not fucking once.

Him and one of our mutual friends who was a girl, i came to find out from her, they would send inappropriate and sexual memes to eachother. She told me this, he never said a word. That was a huge red flag for me, sending stuff like that to someone who isn't your girlfriend? I don't think so. Also they dated immediately after i dumped him, so big surprise there lmao.

The final straw i had was when i didn't hear from him for three days. I had been losing feelings for a while, but was trying to keep this relationship because i cared about him, or so i thought. Looking back i think i was just lonely and didnt want to lose someone who i thought cared about me. So after not hearing from him for over three days, after me sending him several text messages over the days, i ended it. I sent him a detailed message as to what happened and why and how i was feeling and the response i got back was atrocious. (Side note - texting was our only form of communication aside from discord. He said he didn't have Snapchat and never wanted to video call so my options were limited.)

This man gaslight the fuck out of me, tried to blame me and say it was my fault and that i had been the one ignoring him, when on my fucking phone you can clearly see i sent multiple messages with ZERO response. Yet during those three days, this mans was gaming and streaming and showing up in other peoples streams to talk, yet couldn't be bothered to try and communicate with me there either. So i was done.

This man treated me like complete and utter shit and is an immature child who gets upset and throws literal temper tantrums when things don't go his way.

It just irks me still having to see him around and interact with a bunch of my friends and the people I've come to care for, when i know how fake this man is with everyone. His online presence is so completely opposite from how he is in person.

#venting #life #ex #ex boyfriend #toxic relationship #toxic ex

[babygirlsthoughtsexactly]

To her..

girl... how my heart breaks for you.. If you ever make it out (and I pray you do) there will come a day that you will look back and know that you are worth so much more and yes you deserve more. Actually, I truly believe that people deserve the exact same love that they give. Arguments are fine, actually disagreements are to be expected in any relationship in your life because they are natural. Every single persion is different and we all have different opinions but IT IS NO FUCKING OKAY FOR ANYONE TO USE TOOLS H AS TERROR OR ACTUAL HARM for the sake of an argument. Its possible, because in my heart I have been to places that \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ o\ne should have to be and I still wasnt violent. That behavior is NOT OKAY But really I wish I could say so much to you because I have been you. I was recently in a situation(and even though I can see so many similarities, there are always two sides to a story and the truth probably lies in the third party or God) similar to yours and every single day I wondered if that was going to be the day because I knew in my heart that if I stayed in that situation that I was going to die (either he would kill me or I would kill myself) ((and sorry to be so brutally honest but if there is one thing that you should know about me its im !00%real.. Id rather hurt your feelings then lie to your face ) but little by little I had let my feelings of self worth become so low that still to this day I can't face the things I have done. Looking back all of it was done just to feel something in return .. anything. and for what?!! ha I probably would have committed actual fucking horrendous acts if he would have commanded. See now I know that the word for that is SICK. I have and in so many ways still are SICK. Just a few KEY points that have crossed my mind today that I wish I could tell you..

1. You are Loved. My mom used to tell me this. Im really the first addict in my family and I have been blessed by one fucking amazing mother who I know I dont deserve sometimes and I pray that i one day will grow to be for my own kids. it is important to know this when it feels like your alone, and if nothing else YOUR BABIES ( #?) will ALWAYS LOVE YOU!43

2. LOVE SHOULD ALWAYS HAVE CIONDITIONS. While in my past situation( you will probably hear me refer to this as my PAST life which I still pray that I dont end up back in) I use tio think that love that love should always be unconditional, but it's not true at all. Yes, we definitely should always love people where they are at, BUT NOT EVERYONE WE LOVE DESERVES RECIPROCATION FROM US. Actually I have learned that in your situation (and my past) that the one who we are loving unconditionally is not even capable of the same love. Yeah, you are right (cause I know youre probably making some type of excuse for him by now.. at least in your mind) but hands down this individual is just FUCKING SICK. They know that they don't deserve the things or the people that they have so they show their appreciation by treating the people who love them like absolute trash while treating and going absolutely out of their way just to treat some random stranger like Royalty!! What you have to be able to do in order to see the whole box is remember.. a narcissist only cares about themselves so everything that they are doing is purely SELF MOTIVATED. SEE... SICK. I have though about making a list of conditions that I will require of any person in my life and it would definitely start with something like..A. Here is what I expect from you and this relationship (including RESPECT) or I choose (and I know that even though you feel like you don't sometimes) not to include to have you as an active part of my life. Whew, imagine all the heartache, tears and WASTED TIME you have could have saved if you had told yourself this before you fell for all the lies you feel stupid for believing.

3. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT THAT YOU FELL FOR IT.. There is a really young artist Avery Anna, shes a narcissistic abuse survivor such as my self and these are the words in some of her lyrics. If you sit back and think about it the truth is we are probably are just used to taking all the blame.. all the time. Everybody plays a part in some way sometimes, that's logic.

Okay well to be honest I need a break to deal with life on life's terms so to be continued later hopefully.

Mood rn: Disappointed. In myself and in life 😔

[badluckblackjack]

Alex here. So this is going to be a bonkers thing to post but I need to throw it out there or Im not going to be able to continue my day which would be bothersome. Right now I feel like i can’t move on because i can’t make it right with anyone except the canonmates I have. And god i’m so fucking lucky to know them. Being able to make peace with Karl Wilbur charlie and george of all people… god i’m the luckiest guy on earth which is the funniest thing ever considering the url i chose for this. But i’m a greedy bastard and you all know this. I want to be able to be friends with everyone again and listen to how they feel. Tell them how I feel. So throwing it out into the void helps because maybe someone important will see it. Below the cut i’m going to continue talking and i’m going to try not to feel mortified for posting this. The soundtrack to this post is message in a bottle by the police.

Basically as a blanket statement im sorry. And not in the shitty half assed way i did it in source. Believe me i have personalized apologies for all of you people. I think about you all the time and i know what ive done wrong... I still struggle with taking accountability and blaming other people, i wont lie, but god im trying so hard. I want to be better for you all.

For most intents and purposes i am better. I think in this life im more like Tubbo or Aimsey was. I know the right thing to do is to keep striving to be kind. Never give in. Power is never what i needed and nobody else needs it either. We just need to work hard to protect ourselves and our loved ones, and accept each other. I still have my moments but. You know.

I got so far with this and now I dont really know what to write. I dont really know what to do except go down the list.

Tommy i should have been better to you...i should have been there more. Having abandonment issues isnt an excuse for leaving you alone. And im tired of people acting like i was soooo good to you! like for fucks sake man i really wasnt, i did the bare minimum maybe 25% of the time, most everyone else just somehow sucked harder than that. I really dont deserve that praise. But this time around I know what i would do. Im not afraid to cut in and defend you because i dont have my own personal beefs wrapped up in everything. I just want to help you now like i should have then. And if you dont need my help then we could goof off. Or you could not talk to me at all, thats genuinely fine too. Im sorry i was so selfish. You deserve good people in your life. You deserve security, safety, and good fucking friends.

Tubbo im sorry im such a stubborn ass. None of how i treated you in las nevadas was okay and none of what happened was okay. It was just as much my fault as it was wilburs. And...listen man, I dont know. I know youll feel weird that i said this, and youre free to feel weird, or be mad, but. That festival was the worst day of my fucking life. I have never felt so stupid, useless, and incompetent in my entire life. Because you were my best friend. I should have gotten us out of there way before then. Im sorry i got us into that mess. None of what ... you know, he did is an excuse for that. So.. i wish i could go back and undo it. Or something. God im fucking crying writing this HAHA i love you toby i hope thats proof.

Jack , youre probably looking at this like im insane if youre reading this, but i just want you to know, you didnt deserve what happened to you, and im glad you were my friend, and also im sorry i stole so much of your stuff. I liked your pants that you would wear.

Fundy... you know its complicated, i know its complicated, its fine. For what its worth, im sorry for never being a true friend to you. I hope that wherever you are youre happy. I really, really dont expect that you would ever want to talk to any of us ever again besides probably Eret, but just know, my door is wide open to you. Through everything, im still wanting you around. And i can do way better this time. Ill take care of you as much as i can.

Ranboo, you deserved better. Im sorry i never got to know you very well. Im gonna be honest, pretty much everything you do makes me angry, but it just makes me angry because it reminds me of myself? If we were to speak i would get ahold of myself and not take that out on you, because you dont deserve that, but I dont really know how to apologize without bringing that into it. I see so much of myself in you. Youre growing. Im proud of you. Keep trying your best. This sounds so fucking condescending AHAHA sorry buddy.

Technoblade, you were a victim, and you didnt deserve any of what I did to you. you werent even a person to me, you were a symbol of everything that made me hate myself; you were actually powerful, i was scared of you, and you were mentally strong, too. Its not okay to treat someone that way. In this life ive been able to let go, so you dont have to worry about my annoying ass on your case anymore, ever again. Youre really cool. I want to be able to appreciate that for what it is without letting how much i dont like myself get in the way. Pride is stupid! You are awesome.

Purpled... Im never going to do anything like that again. You have my word. And for what its worth, im sorry. You didnt deserve any of that. I think youre really cool, and I always have thought that, so just... stay swaggy? I dont fucking know. Go keep doing awesome things. Im not going into detail here because Im trying to spare you the annoyance lol.

Nikki, I love you. Our friendship is basically the nicest memory i have of the whole fucking server. Im sorry we werent closer and didnt stay in touch. YOU WERE IMPORTANT TO ME. so fucking important. Also karl misses you too but dont tell him i told you. I hope you are doing something creative lately. My current demeanor is similar to yours back then so I think we could get along preetttyyyyy well again....wink...please be my friend again. If i sound desperate its because i am. WINK.

Okay...Bad. Let's get into it. I still think i was right to try to stop you, but I was wrong for holding a grudge, and i was wrong for trying to tell you that you should be striving for your own power or something stupid like that. The way to feel at peace with yourself is to hang out with your friends. You know this, i know this, we both got BRUTALLY taught this lesson over and over, so lets either just silently acknowledge this and never speak to each other again or bury the hatchet and be buddies.

Connor if youre reading this i love you.

Sam, we had the most unhealthy dynamic on earth, and I think its best if we probably never speak to each other again just because I still feel really unresolved about everything so I know im going to accidentally end up trying to forcefully recreate how it used to be. But, i shouldnt have pushed you around, and Im sorry. I shouldnt have done what i did to dream either but I dont think an apology is enough to even begin covering that. Just know... i know it was wrong and its never going to happen again. I wont let it happen again. I have control over myself, at least, and nothing that bad is ever going to happen again.

Foolish... I care about you so fucking much. Im sorry for pushing you around, too. I should never have manipulated you into joining my country, and I should have never lashed out at you either. This is going to sound stupid but it felt like if I was actually nice to you and treated you how I wanted to treat you, then when you inevitably left it would just be another time i got my heart broken after giving it up. by this logic at least if i was mean it was still my fault and i had control over the situation. Its fucked up, and sucky, and you deserve better, so much better. So, im sorry, and i hope things are going well for you. I hope the people around you appreciate how fucking awesome you are. Im not afraid to say it now, youre fucking AWESOME, youre the coolest motherfucker around. Thank you for everything youve done for me.

Tina, i didnt meet you in source yet, but I know i loved you. So just know that. Lets be friends? Karl misses you.

Sapnap...I dont really know where to start here because theres so much to say. Im sorry i left. Im sorry i didnt believe you when you said karl was sick. Im sorry i didnt try harder to come home. Im sorry i was so fucking scared all the time, and emotionally unavailable, and just...terrified. Our timing was weird and I hope we ended up getting it right at some point... but for now youll be pleased to know, Karl is my best friend now. We still have issues every now and again, were both emotional little shits and struggle to communicate, but hes my best fucking friend, okay? But a piece of our hearts are missing, so just...were waiting here, buddy. Theres a spot at the table for you. We both have hella trust issues so it might be hard for us to actually believe you when you say youre Sapnap but its worth a shot right? Maybe thats too presumptuous. Idk, i just love you. Come be my friend again, okay?

And finally... to myself, im sorry. I didnt deserve what happened to me. So ill keep trying to stop telling myself that i did deserve it, because i didnt. I dont need to be perfect. I dont need to be powerful. Its okay to just be my silly, anxious, ditsy, emotional, annoying, fun loving self. Its okay to just be.

if you read this much you are a brave soul. See you next time i have a letter to write. For now, alex out.

#dsmp kin #dream smp kin

[tobias-fell]

why dont you like harry potter fans? im just curious because like if its because jk rowling is transphobic, it isn't an excuse for us not to like the book itself. i mean i had my potterhead phase, and i do appreciate the books. i mean you cant deny they had a good plot, can you?? i dont like jk rowling either but i can say im a fan of harry potter

sorry if this ended up sounding mean, i'm just curious

First, "you can't deny they had a good plot, can you??" Yes I can. Harry Potter is neither the only series to be about kids at a fantasy boarding school nor the only series about kids fighting a dark lord, and it's certainly not the best of either.

Second, JKR being transphobic is absolutely enough to not like the book, and it's very bold of you to act otherwise. That woman has spearheaded anti-trans legislation in the UK. Trans people's access to HRT has been severely restricted, and trans men can no longer get bottom surgery in the UK. This is not entirely her fault, but her anti-trans "activism" is absolutely a huge part of it.

Third, I had a HP phase too. I'm autistic, and it was my special interest for at least half a decade. That doesn't mean I didn't drop it when she outed herself as a horrible human being.

Fourth, JKR sees all support of Harry Potter as support of herself. She has openly said this. This has led to a hoard of (mostly cis) fans saying "well we can take it back!!" And... no. You can't. JKR is actively harming people. This is not "death of the author"; the author is alive and causing harm.

People who support HP are, in her eyes, supporting her calling transfems rapists, her treating transmascs like stupid little girls, her help in restricting HRT and surgery access, and her belief that transfems shouldn't be in women's spaces. If you'd literally rather keep her work relevant and alive than put down a 20yo book series... that's transphobia. Full stop.

And even if you somehow don't care about all of that, consider the contents of the Harry Potter books themselves. They're full of misogyny, racism, homophobia, and antisemitism. Her other books, under her penname, include racism, islamophobia, and transphobia (specifically transmisogyny)--and that's just one of them. Trying to separate an author's bigotry from the stories they wrote does not work when the stories are bigoted too.

I do not like Harry Potter fans because they would rather align themselves, or at least make it seem like they are, with a transphobic, homophobic, racist, antisemitic, sexist piece of shit.

I have a very basic DNI: bigots, exclusionists, 18+ blogs, and Harry Potter fans. If you can still manage to call yourself the last one after reading my explanation, leave my blog and block me.

Thanks.

#anti harry potter #anti jkr #fuck jkr #seriously. read another book #asks #anon

[zeldasnotes]

Astro Observations part.14🐚

🐚People brag a lot infront of people with pluto 10th house because people feel like they have to one up them.

🐚People with both Neptune and Scorpio influence have insanely beautiful eyes and they have such a delicious look with that angelic look blended with that darkness😍

🐚People with Moon Square Saturn are so easily offended its crazy and if they have a Leo Moon its insane how sensitive their ego is.

🐚People with Saturn conjunct Ascendant cant admit when theyve made mistakes They get sooo ashamed. They will give you any excuse to make it seem like it wasnt their fault because they think they have to be perfect. The people I know with this looks soooo ashamed when you tell them they missed something or did something wrong.

🐚People with Mercury/Pluto needs to know everything. If your phone rings infront of them they will want to know who it is😂 They are the people who look at what the person next to them are doing on the phone

🐚The woman who used to do microneedling and other beauty treatments on me have her Jupiter conjunct my Venus and her Venus is in my 8th house. So she is beneficial(Jupiter) for my beauty and self esteem(Venus). And she also transform(8th house) my appearance. I just had to do her chart and I was shook when I saw it.

🐚Scorpio Rising in the Solar Return chart is usually a year when you go trough a transformation. When I had it I moved to a new apartment, got a new job and finally got control of my finances. I faced a lot of things I had been avoiding for years. My appearance changed a lot too.

🐚A lot of Scorpio and 8th house placements are secretive and refuse to share their secrets but ive also seen a lot of them who overshare because they just want to let it out and then they become ashamed because they lost their ”cool” and avoids the person they overshared to.

🐚People with Lilith in Virgo might feel guilty when masturbating

🐚Ive seen that the Venus in a mans chart can sometimes represent the women in the family and his experiences with them. I know two men with Scorpio Venus whos mothers and sisters are really mean, angry and rude. I even worked with the aunt to one of them and even she was extremely mean. Im honestly scared of them. Ive also noticed that the women in scorpio venuses families had hard lives and are very scorpionic.

🐚People with Moon conjunct Nessus in the Natal chart are so subtly emotionally abusive that you hardly notice that you are being abused or treated badly until its too late while Nessus conjunct Ascendant are more obvious in their abuse.

🐚Ive noticed that people with mercury in the 8th house are very naive and not good at spotting lies at all. They see themselves as smart tho. I had a friend with this and she always bragged about how sneaky and bad she was and she constantly was getting fooled and used by people and she never saw it comming. She also believed everything people told her.

🐚Its easy to hear when someone have mercury conjunct mars SO DAMN RUDE, and some of them have a raspy voice.

🐚Libra Moons are not as nice as they seem, ofc this goes for every Libra placement but ive noticed that Libra Moons can be somewhat ”cold”. Like they care too much about looks and politeness that they miss a lot of other stuff. For example a former friend of mine would find it rude and offensive when people cursed but she dated a man who had extremely conservative views and looked down on others. They care more about politeness than the actual personality

🐚Almost all the older women I know who hate on younger girls have either Moon Square Pluto or Venus Square Ascendant.

🐚If someone with venus in the 8th house are attracted to someone there is usually something ”dark” about that person.

🐚I have mercury in the 7th house and all my crushes have been younger than me.

🐚People with Mars Square Jupiter have so much energy they are the kind of people to go to the gym twice in one day

🐚A lot of people with pluto in the 1st house wants to come across as intimidating and its common for them to use clothes with camoflage prints or they might walk around with sunglasses and a pitbull and cigarette in their mouth, ive also seen them pick fights a lot for no reason other than to show how strong they are.

🐚Fixed Moons are the most loyal they will fight for you. Cancer Moons are also very loyal

🐚Libra placement when in a bad mood makes these passive aggressive immature comments especially if they have Cancer placements too, and when you confront them they panick and get afraid and pretend they didnt mean anything bad😂

🐚My friend have Venus in the 3rd house and she LOVES to talk. She is always on the phone if shes home alone.

🐚Placements that create a Madonna/Whore complex in a mans chart: Moon/Mars, Venus Square Pluto, Moon square Saturn, Moon Square Venus.

🐚

#astrology #astro notes #astro observations #lilith #lilith aspects #lilith in the houses #astronotes #Lilith in the 2nd #asteroids

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

sometimes (well, it's almost all of the time nowadays) it feels super exhausting being someone who's super closed off. there are times when i do want to vent abt stuff, but cannot, because:

1. the problem is too confidential in nature, and thus i cant just spill it casually to others

2. the problem is too complicated that not explaining everything in detail will make the person i'm talking to misunderstand and draw the wrong conclusions, but having to explain every little thing is also exhausting. my problems tend to get tangled and influence one another instead of being fully separate, so there are also times where said problem needs to be explained in great detail to be able to get full context, but there are also some part of the problem that are confidential so i cant talk abt it and thus making the other person not have the full context, which in turn just makes me frustrated

3. idk if i just happen to stumble upon shitty ppl or anything, but sometimes i get the impression that ppl consider me very passive and incapable. if i talk abt a problem, i always get recommended simple solutions that i either have tried with no result (or sometimes even worsen the problem), or not possible to try for whatever reasons. but if i tell them that they will either come up with reasons on why i should have done this or shouldnt have done that (stuff like "well u should have done xxx back then to avoid this problem" or "thats ur own fault, why did u even pick xxx/do xxx, did u not think of the consequences", or if i say i cannot do this and that bc of reasons, i get responses like "stop making excuses" or "well, life is hard. nobody told u life will be easy" or smth similar. this is very frustrating when it comes from ppl whose circumstances are obviously easier than mine, but it pisses me off when it comes from someone whose circumstances are similar to mine, but they managed to get out of it out of pure luck. it comes across as really annoying bc like. u went thru the exact same thing as me. i have seen u break down over this. now that ur out of the situation (with pure luck, mind u, not bc of their own effort(not saying they put zero effort, but effort alone wont be enough to get them out of the situation)), u look down on those who are in the same place as u in the past? this is, like, the kind of person i really have a hard time respecting. u literally reacted similarly to us when u were still stuck here, but after ur done with it... u look down on us??? same reason why "i was so cringy back during my teenage years" rubs me the wrong way, bc i believe u should have compassion for ur past self, not mock them, but especially u shouldnt mock current teenagers bc they remind u of ur own behaviour in the past. even if said behavior is immature... well, u literally werent an adult at that time so give urself some grace pls. esp bc ur disgust towards ur past self already extends to shitty behavior towards other ppl. (to clarify, i am an adult, so no, this is not a teenage complaining abt the way adults treat them (altho i support their right to vent abt shitty treatment from adults as well)). like, okay, i wont tell ppl what to believe and how to think so i wont bring it up to these types of adults, but as soon as that mindset makes them treat anyone who reminds them of their past self badly... then thats a different story

for example (not the problem im stressed out about; just an example): i complain about not being able to get a job. they say "well u should have looked harder for job vacancies", then i say i have applied to 100+ vacancies and none accepted me. they say "u should have honed ur skills, nobody wants an unskilled worker", then i say "i did hone my skills, i was ambitious before graduating uni, but all those hard work led me to serious burnout, which is why u only see me 'lazing around' (resting) nowadays". they say "well thats ur own fault then. who told u to overwork urself". bonus point if they were the exact person who told me to use my time before graduating to get as much experience and skill as possible so i can compete with countless others and get a decent job. but i know for sure they will also blame me if i wasnt ambitious and honored my own limitations back in the day (turns out i've been living in hard mode since i was undiagnosed neurodivergent, ha!)

but even if i was diagnosed, i will still get blamed for not standing up for myself. really annoys me bc aside from the notion that disabled ppl has to go above and beyond just for accomodation... i did try to advocate for myself. multiple times. which led me to the conclusion that nobody cares no matter how nice i phrase my requests. i will end up at the same position anyway. so i really hate ppl who always assume i havent tried every single method at my disposal

i think the problem is... i feel like deep down they already have a preconceived notion about the whole mess being my own fault. so no matter what explanation i give them, they always respond with things i could have done (or should not have done, according to them) without taking into account the specific circumstances at that time that led me into making those decisions

4. difference of value. there are also times when the person i talk to is supportive, but then they give support/advice that differs a lot from my value, so i cant execute the advice. in this case i usually also feel bad bc i feel like i'm not appreciating their genuine support by not heeding their advice

simply put, lots of those experiences have made it hard for me to trust others enough to vent seriously. i feel like i get super wary of possibly receiving invalidating responses. but at the same time, it's kind of exhausting. sometimes i think abt whether im the one who is too picky abt the response i hope to get and thus just sabotage myself regarding receiving support, but like. i generally dont feel safe enough to vent abt stuff unless i know i can launch long ass rants and not get invalidated, but also... ngl, the length of those rants also usually make me wary of the other person finally snapping and accuse me of only complaining without attempting to remedy the issue. but it's really, really exhausting. i wish i can just vent freely without my defensive walls anticipating invalidating responses, but unfortunately that's my reality. i only have the courage to vent abt general stuff like this instead of the specific problems im dealing with, simply because in abstract vents ppl can just sympathize, while in more specific vents... lots of ppl immediately go to problem solving mode? and for some reason my request to only be heard, not given advice... usually get disregarded under the guise of caring for me? while they go on and ignore the part of my vent where i told them i already did what they're suggesting me to do?

also, tbh the main point i'm venting about is the exhaustion of not being able to find the ideal person to vent to (even though i do know my criteria for ideal vent person is... quite a lot). i'm wary of getting invalidated, but not being able to vent is also exhausting. also, as u can see... my way of venting is so all over the place that most ppl wont be able to comprehend what im talking abt, which can hurt a lot esp when im feeling shper vulnerable. so when im vulnerable i tend to not interact with ppl

Hi anon,

I'm sorry about what you've been through. It can definitely be hard to vent when the problem is either too personal to share, requires a lot of context, the person you vent to gives bad advice even if they've been in a similar situation, or doesn't consider your values. It makes sense to find it exhausting to have many experiences of people mishandling what you want to get off your chest.

Unfortunately I don't think many people in general realize that not everyone is asking for advice when they vent about something, and it's important for them to listen for a question like "What can I do about this?" as a cue to give advice. Many people may not have experience or education about giving advice and actively listening which could explain why some have made dismissive comments towards you like "life isn't easy". It's hard because even the people who you could say are dedicated to listening and responding to vents (therapists) aren't perfect and can dispense advice unsolicited, despite their training. So please know that it's valid to feel wary of venting, not knowing how someone might respond.

We try to pay close attention to what someone is asking of us, whether it's support, advice, validation, or if they just want to vent. When it's the latter, I try to avoid advice as much as possible and just focus on active listening and validation. I hope that I could help make you feel heard, and please know that we're here if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw abuse #tw emotional abuse