theres something to be said about how mac still holds such a childish adoration for his parents after such a long time. how literally its shown to us by the fact that
mac always slicked his hair back as a child, when he still had contact with his father
he stops doing this into adulthood, but later in life, once mac interacts with his father again, he starts slicking his hair back again
he doesnt stop. slicking his hair back. until his own father walks out during his coming out performance. the guy he put it on for. only after that does he completely stop styling his hair that way
not to mention the constant refusal that his mom (and dad) could be anything but perfect, the way hes so desperate to do good by them, viewing them as the way to measure his success...
and. yeah thats. something.
the internal denial that his parents treated him poorly, the fact that its his primary instinct to deny that his parents suck, the constant dismissal of his own issues relating to family because his whole life hes been told that "other people have it worse". the way hes internalized that so hard. the way it takes his dad walking out on macs coming out performance to him for mac to stop blindly idolizing some guy whos threatened to kill him
the constant fear of his own father, while also believing him to be the coolest bestest guy ever. the way he always assumes his father is gonna get violent when actually talking to him, but sings nothing but praises when away from him
the fact that he still calls his dad "daddy" even.
i mean you cant really blame him for not fully growing up in some areas huh
its not even that i think he doesnt know that his parents treat him horribly, it just really seems like he wants so badly to believe thats not the case from years of having his cries for help ignored or made fun of. he cant have been treated poorly, because charlie was treated poorly, and his baggage isnt nearly as bad as charlies, so clearly macs home life wasnt bad.
i think thats proven most of all by his frustration with his own family at times, it really feels like theres some underlying issues. they can very quickly manifest as frustration and anger, but honestly its probably mostly sadness. the way he reacts to his own mother really reminds me of how i interact with family members i have grudges with but have to pretend i dont. im not actually angry at any of these people, im mostly just exhausted by them.
he very clearly is still aware of the neglect he faced as a kid, to me. he knows his home life was severely fucked up, hes just never been able to express that, so hes coped by just. pretending that it didnt happen.
and realistically i dont know if he could ever properly acknowledge that his home life was fucked and his parents suck. maybe hed acknowledge that his dad sucks now, but it wouldnt have been that bad when he was a kid and wasnt a fag. right? he was loved then. his mom still did a great job raising him, and he really loves her, and he was raised with all the love and care a child needs.
136 notes
·
View notes
Canon Events that have happened over the three episodes that have me going INSANE (like, these actually happened and are not Fanon.)
Buck asked Tommy for a tour of Harbour, not because he wanted to consider learning to fly, or leave the 118, but soley because he wanted to hang out with Tommy.
Buck used Christopher for information on Tommy.
Buck pretended to suddenly be into Basketball so that he could go to the game, just because he knew Eddie and Tommy would be there.
MADDIE MOCKED BUCK ABOUT OPENLY HAVING A CRUSH ON EDDIE.
Buck body slammed Eddie while playing Basketball (honestly, I still cannot get over the fact that he YEETED THIS BOII).
Tommy got Buck's address from Eddie and chose to come around to apologise to Buck even though, TECHNICALLY, Buck was the one acting like a spoilt brat all episode.
BUCK WAS KISSED BY A MAN. SPECIFICALLY, BUCK WAS KISSED BY TOMMY. And then proceeded to be swept off his feet by this man and was left starstruck in his apartment, after Tommy openly communicated that he had to go to work and wasn't just kissing and bailing.
"I'm an Ally."... Need I say no more.
Buck acted like a totally fucking idiot on his first date with Tommy, and proceeded to have Tommy cut the date short because of how unready he seemed. WHICH BY THE WAY, TOMMY AGAIN COMMUNICATED SO BEAUTIFULLY WITH BUCK AND PROCEEDED TO STILL CALL THIS MAN ADORABLE. HE CALLED HIM ADORABLE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.
Buck accidently outed himself to Maddie because he was doing a ramble ramble about his lil buck'ed up date.
Buck told Eddie he was on a date with Tommy, and Eddie proceeded to be the bestie of besties to Buck and told him, they all loved him anyways. HE USED THE WORDS. Bucks face in that scene will forever make my lil gay heart WEEP.
Buck told Eddie he couldn't stop thinking about the hot pilot that kissed him. CRYING.
Buck proceeded to grow the fuck up and apologised to Tommy, face to face, out in a public space, knowing full well that Tommy could have dropped his ass there and then, but still wanted to show him how sorry he was, and that he was, in fact, ready.
BUCK INVITED TOMMY TO BE HIS DATE TO THE MADNEY WEDDING DESPITE ONLY technically GOING ON TWO DATES. AND THEN TOMMY. SAID. YES. HE SAID YES. YES.
Buck also then invited Tommy to Chim's bachelor party, HELD HIS ARMS OPEN ACROSS THE ROOM READY FOR A HUG, told Tommy off for his outfit, showing off true Clipboard Buck form, AND THEN TOUCHED HIS PECK.
Eddie, the bestie of besties, got all sappya and jokey when he saw Tommy and Buck together.
Buck got all pouty when Tommy had to go to work, BUT TOLD HIM TO BE SAFE. HE SAID BE SAFE DAMNIT.
Buck got all goofy and smiley when he saw that Tommy had arrived at the hospital, MEANING, that he was most likely texting Tommy all day updating him on everything that was going on, even if Tommy couldn't respond while attending to the fire.
BUCK. CALLED. TOMMY. A. BEAST. HE SAID THIS CANONICALLY. ARE YOU JOKING. HE FULLY ATTACKED MY MAN, WHILE HE WAS COVERED IN SOOT AND SHIT, SNOGGED HIS FACE OFF IN A HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM, AND CALLED HIM A BEAST. I AM DECEASED.
Buck, the idiot that he is, proceeded to out himself, to his entire family, by coming back into the room, most likely 15 to 20 minutes after leaving, covered in soot because he had been uncontrollably making out with his hot pilot boyfriend.
Eddie, the bestie of besties, GOT SO FUCKING SMUG WHEN HE SAW BUCK AND TOMMY WALK BACK IN THAT ROOM. HE PULLED THE SAME FACE I PULL WHEN MY FRIENDS HAVE COME BACK FROM MAKING OUT WITH PEOPLE AND I AM HERE FOR IT. EDDIE YOU BESTIE SLAY SLAY SLAY.
Hen, the queen that she is, has most likely spoken to Karen about her suspicons of Buck's sexuality, and procceed to say ABOUT DAMN TIME. SHE KNEW THIS WHOLE TIME. HER GAYDAR IS ON FIRE. I LOVE HER.
Again, all of these events happened IN ACTUAL EPISODES, not in a fanfiction. I am FERAL over this. Bi!Buck is the best thing to ever happen to me.
Thank you for coming to my ted talk and if you don't ship BuckTommy, leave.
79 notes
·
View notes