#jurdan forever <3
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cardan: *messing with his hair in the mirror* I feel like I need to do something different with my hair.
jude: why?
cardan: *smirking* I knew you liked this hairstyle.
jude: *swiftly walks off*
cardan: *finger guns in the mirror* oooh yeah, we still got it.
#jude is so done with him 😭😭#but also never could be#jurdan is life#jurdan#jurdan forever <3#books#bookish#the cruel prince#booklr#jude duarte#cardan greenbriar#cardan#tfota#jude#the folk of the air#the folk of air#help i actually dk what this is#incorrect quotes#incorrect jurdan#incorrect jurdan quotes#the cruel princr aesthetic#the wicked king#the queen of nothing#judecardan#jude x cardan#cardan x jude#love#jenny anna jude jess all tfota girlies <3#high queen of elfhame#high king of elfhame
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Welcome!!
in my agggtm era <3 (JULY 1st come fast pls)
Basic info:
i’m Bani a desi teen from India who loves books [reading and buying], writing, listening to bollywood music and watching movies and series!
my desi blog: @shutupbani <3
Shows/Movies/Books:
inheritance games, cruel prince/ folk of the air, lockwood & co., selection, red queen, awae, shatter me, agggtm, enola holmes, marvel, soc, harry potter, stranger things, greenhouse academy, asoue, babysitters club (show), inbestigators, the princess diaries, mulan, aladdin, tangled, 10 things i hate about you, zootopia, bollywood movies [can’t name them all cuz there are so many] and a lot more <3
Music:
literally ANY bollywood singer and SO MANY punjabi singers.
Some other stuff:
sometimes i may be cringe, also i may overuse ‘<3’ or the heart emojis 💗 and 🫶🏻 so bear with me.
jamie hawthorne stan forever
jurdan, averyjameson, kanej and locklyle 🔛🔝
I reblog and reblog and post endlessly when i’m bored (which is pretty much every time)
i am very awkward and i don’t know how to receive compliments. like i would straight up go “ahahh thankss” if u compliment me
also, don’t be shy to message me about ANYTHING (seriously anything) my dms are open to everyone <3
dni if you are racist, misogynistic, zionist, and creepy in general :)
this blog supports palestine so if you THINK what israhell is doing is right, just go away <3
My darling moots <33:
@forzalvr/@anayaslvr, @pragyayay, @urbanflorals, @myster3y, @mqstermindswift, @jamesonhawthorneisw, @lyra-kane-the-queen-of-hearts, @darlingod, @dil-mein-dard-e-disco, @esmeraythewriter, @sophiesonlinediary, @seedhe-pahad-se, @vomentallyunstableladka, @baboland/ @shuhuaspookie, @never-enough-novels, @1989stanz, @kenjik1shimoto, @roses-r-red54330, @luminewhosthat, @carmenpowerpuffgirl, @annamatix, @swiftreader1989, @pennyforyourthoughts345, @gergthecat, @hearthown, @lyrakanefanatic, @sonics-atelier, @a-hope-story, @iburntmybrotherwithdeodorant, @doofusarena, @iluvthesky, @fortunatelyjollybeliever, @madhulikaaa, @maraaahh, @daughterofruins, @hijabi-desi-bookworm, @berryzxx, @mrs-jameson-hawthorne
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Nine Mutuals I'd Like to Know Better
tagged by my friend @nejackdaw thank you!! <3
3 Ships
McKirk. It's the original, it's iconic, it's grumpy sunshine, it's friends to lovers, they have lived inside my brain for over a decade and they will never leave.
GhostSoap. I know the big men are in love i just know it.
Jurdan quite honestly. i'm a little insane about Cardan i love him he sucks so much.
First Ship
Probably a tie between Lawlight and Hidekane. I was 15 and just got introduced to anime and was absolutely feral over it. It's been so many years I can't remember which came first, so we'll just say both.
Last Song
Granite by Sleep Token. Indeimaus was humming it in his recent video and got it stuck in my head so of course I had to listen to it on repeat for a few hours.
Currently Reading
Daughter of the Drow by Elaine Cunningham. I've been playing D&D for like five years now and am still obsessed with drow, so my DM kindly got me these books for xmas.
Last Film
I don't watch too many movies anymore (working with them made me a little averse lol) but I will watch the 2005 Pride & Prejudice until my eyes fall out. My spouse and I recently rewatched all the extended LOTR movies too.
Currently Craving
Ohhh probably fancy little coffees. We were snowed/iced into our apartment for just under a week and i miss my best friend (iced oat milk white mocha) so much. she's everything to me. or maybe the urge to write again, i've been craving that for the past few months lol.
Friends!!
no pressure of course to complete this, it's all for fun. if you do complete, please tag me!! @lagia @hircinesanters @somethingscarlet13 @skyrim-forever @queerbashir @singleteapot @daedrabait @miraakswhore @un-local
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it's been a long time coming..
Dancing With Our Hands Tied (Jurdan's Version) with @annamatix <3
part 1!!
"I, I loved you in secret" is one of the many lyrics you don't need to use metaphorically for them to fit. he *did* love her in secret, and he hid his feelings with every action he took.
"First sight, yeah, we love without reason" we get a description of what he noticed first when he saw jude, and he was (very obviously, might i add) star struck. he didn't have a reason to be attracted to her. if anything, it was the opposite. his whole life he was taught to hate mortals and find them repulsing, but something about her was different.
"Oh, how were you to know?" i think sometimes cardan regrets his actions. he would do it again just to have the same outcome - being with jude. but i think he regrets how long it took because it cost them valuable time together. even after his feelings were clear, he did things that prolonged the time until they got to openly confess their love.
"And my, my love had been frozen" with everything in his life growing up, nobody reciprocated the love he tried to give, so he locked his heart away the best he could. he tried to freeze it so it wouldn't get hurt, but people still found ways to shatter it.
"Deep blue, but you painted me golden" cardan had a horrible life, nobody needs reminders of it. it's in everything he says and does. she ultimately saved his life in more ways than one. this can also be taken literally. "but you painted me golden" fits the scene in which jude struck him and smeared gold over his face, but that's just a funny thing to add. another way to interpret it (i'm already getting unhinged with this) is that he was with nicasia before he was with jude. not only were they bad together, which painted him blue, but nicasia is the princess of the undersea, nicasia is the deep blue that was replaced with gold, jude.
"Oh, and you held me close. Oh, how was I to know?" it's no secret that jude can lie. and that she takes great advantage of that ability. even after everything, i think cardan still had doubts about her love for him because she *could* be lying. he's very self-destructive and thinks little to nothing of himself. "it is a shabby, worm-eaten, and scabrous thing" is only one of the many admissions to it, verbal or not. while he knows jude loves him, but can't be certain.
"I could've spent forever with your hands in my pockets" screams cardan. he thought he was uncapable of being loved, and she proved him otherwise. he loves with all he has and all he can give, and when he got a taste of what it was like to be loved, he never wanted to let it go again. he would've spent forever with her hands in his pockets, and he would've been happy to do so.
"Picture of your face in an invisible locket" i love love LOVE this lyric, and cardan would too. as i said, he loves with all his might, and he proudly does so. he would 100% wear a locket with a picture of jude in it, nobody questions that. he would love it even more if the locket was invisible to show everyone who has his heart. in the standards elfhame sets, he shouldn't feel proud to love a mortal. he is anyway and after finding out how it feels to love her, he stops caring about it and he would scream it from the top of every building in the kingdom.
"You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it" need i remind everyone of when he was a serpent and knew nothing, not even himself (yes, i'm repeating myself again) but he knew jude? nothing in the world could stop his love for her, literally. and it most definitely something he'd admit to jude.
"I had a bad feeling" has so many meanings for me, looking at it and trying to connect it to cardan. literally, hate is a bad feeling - and he felt it for jude. a lot. cardan, despite his very inflated seeming ego, is extremely anxious when it comes to jude. not only is she the only family he has left, she's the only family he ever had. yes, he had his court. yes, he had a complex relationship with the people in it. yes, said relationship also included love. but no, it was never pure love. jude and cardan's story is anything but pure. it's tainted, bloody, cursed... but their love? it's the purest love in his life.
i know this is very, very long, and i doubt anyone's read it - but stay tuned for the rest of my version and anna's post on her account<33
#it's been over a month#it's been a LONG time coming#cardan greenbriar#jude duarte#jurdan#the cruel prince#the wicked king#the queen of nothing#tfota#the folk of the air#holly black#taylor swift#jurdan songs#taylor swift analysis#tfota songs#tfota song analysis#idk how to tag this ahhhh!!!!@#how the king of elfhame learned to hate stories#htkoelths
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A Curse for True Love
A note: Apologies for the sudden onslaught of Evajacks posts. This is what happens when you discover a series so late in the game.
After waiting for it for 2 1/2 weeks, I finally got to read A Curse for True Love. I have to spill all the feels I am feeling over this series, because they are many.
While not as good as BONA, there is still some really good material. This love story is one of the best that you can get from books that resemble fairytales. There is something so profound about it, and deep. I mean, you have the fact that you get both Evangeline and Jacks being victims of curses and danger. It was a true fight for true love. It reminded of some of my favorite fictional couples.
For the cursed angle, it was giving Captain Swan (but done better...yeah, I said it), as well as Snowing. With Jacks pushing Evangeline away to keep her safe from him, it was very similar to Dimitri pushing Rose away in Spirit Bound and Last Sacrifice, which I love. Let me add, Jacks watching Evangeline and longing from afar was reminiscent of Peter watching Mary Jane after being rescued in SM2, and the ending scene of the CW BatB pilot. I need more literature like that.
I just love the simplicity of this series. It's so straightforward; nothing convoluted like you see in certain romantasies. And I believe I saw a booktuber (at least I think it was this series) say that the stakes are more realistic and higher**, which I have to agree with. You have the FMC trying to find a second love she can be happy with, seemingly finds it, then becomes enamored with the MMC. She knows that he is unable to be with her, but is determined to find a way to be with him. With the MMC, he's wanted love, thought he found it, but she backstabbed him. Now he's bitter, and does nefarious things. However, he slowly falls for the FMC unexpectedly, but doesn't want to hurt her, thus pushing her away. It all changes when she is killed, and he goes back in time to fix it because of how much he loves her. But it all goes wrong when the FMC's false love takes her memories. Fast forward to MMC trying to thwart the husband, or any way FMC may be endangered, trying to protect her so she can live. However, he is going to make sure he doesn't try to interact with her too much, and makes plans to disappear from her life forever. It hurts him immensely, but, like before, feels he has to. She regains her memories, discovers his plans, and she has a race against time before he destroys the thing that allows him to love. There is lots of begging, confessions, pushing/pulling, and the like. She makes a move and BAM! Curse lifted. Only, after all of that, the false love kidnaps her and MMC has to still fight to be with her. Totally no big deal, right? LOL.
What I liked about the curse breaking is that they both had to believe in their love. At first I was confused as to why the cuff hurt him when Jacks tried to kiss Evangeline, but it's because that his second heart isn't in close proximity, so, he wasn't in his right mind. He probably didn't think she loved him the way he loved her. Subconsciously he likely did, yet it wasn't until she said those words and risked her life to physically show him.
Anyway, my whole point is this: Evajacks has now topped Feysand within my top 3 book OTPs in terms of overcoming odds and development. Seriously, the guy was going to destroy his ability to feel because he couldn't bear losing her again...at his hand. That is real sacrifice. What Rhysand did pales in comparison.
Anyway, here's my top 10 book couples.
Top 10 Book OTPs:
Romitri***-Vampire Academy
Haven and Stolas-Kingdom of Runes
Evajacks-Once Upon a Broken
Feysand-A Court of Thorns and Roses
Chaolaena (so fight me)-Throne of Glass
Warnette (gosh, this was hard to place so low)-Shatter Me
Kane and Arwen-A Dawn of Onyx
Jurdan-The Cruel Prince
Mac and Jericho-Fever series
Sera and Ash (would have been higher if not for Fire in the Flesh)-Flesh and Fire
**Edit: Okay, I lied; it was a different book. But, the belief still stands. Also, unlike the booktuber, I don't see this as a guilty-pleasure series
***Romitri is the first book couple I fell in love with. They have to be number one, no matter how I feel about the others.
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20 questions for fic writers
thank you sweet @whimsymanaged for tagging me.
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
22
2. What’s your total AO3 word count?
237,289
3. What fandoms do you write for?
HP
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
Arctic Wolf
House Husband
Ecdysis
Lion in the Snake's Nest
The Vanishing Drawer
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
I always promised myself I would be the type of writer who would respond to every comment because I cherish them all. But I can barely answer my work emails these days and would rather reply to none than to only a select few and make others feel left out.
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
(un)seasonably numb -- happy holidays lol
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
They're all pretty happy tbh. If you want super cozy/warm vibes you can't go wrong with New Year's Resolution.
8. Do you get hate on fics?
Rarely. And I feel very lucky for that. I used to write a lot on Wattpad when I was in my teens/early twenties and comments were pretty brutal back then. So I've become a bit jaded when it comes to dumb one-liners. Essay-sized mean comments? Get a life. lol.
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
Have you read on-again, off-again, yet? It's my latest smutty installation.
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?
Endless Night is inspired by Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist and that's probably the closest I've ever come to doing that.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Yes.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
Yes. Very grateful international readers are interested in reading and translating my work.
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
I do artist-writer collabs but not with other writers.
14. What’s your all time favorite ship?
Dramione & Jurdan (but I'm happy with Holly Black's original and I don't try to rewrite perfection).
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
You wouldn't know because I have enough foresight not to publish it lol.
16. What are your writing strengths?
That's an awkward thing to answer about myself... But if I had to pick it would be: brevity, banter, first POV voice, and maybe specificity when it comes to description.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
Action scenes. I also struggle with transitioning ideas between paragraphs seamlessly. Sentence structure variation (I'm working on it).
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
If you can do it correctly, why not?
19. First fandom you wrote for?
Dramione
20. Favorite fic you’ve written?
Ecdysis is my baby. Forever and ever, amen.
The Body Count was my first dramione fanfic and still holds a special place in my heart.
In one shots, it's probably at the coffee table. I'm really proud of how much I was able to cram into 3.7k words and it's still one of my favourites today.
Tagging: @eveningstruggle, @simplifiedemotions, @ambpersand
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fanfic friday: tfota edition
Something Precious by ironicallyanemic (@court-of-forever-undone)
Summary:
After three years of exile, Cardan is determined to bring Jude back home with him. When he arrives, the last thing he expects to find is a dark-haired toddler looking up at him.
Jurdan Baby Story!
Tags: jurdan - Freeform, Fluff, Jude's exile, jurdan baby, the cruel prince - Freeform, the wicked king, the queen of nothing, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Jude Duarte/Cardan Greenbriar Fluff, Soft Cardan Greenbriar
Words: 7,673
Chapters: 2/2 (...for now)
this is an amazing jurdan exile baby fic (which i've been reading a lot of lately...) and y'all should absolutely read it!! it features a little bit of angst, cardan learning how to dad, and absolutely adorable jurdan toddler <3
also make sure to check out the author (linked above) for an amazing tfota blog and more fics!!
#fanfic friday#fanfic friday: tfota edition#jurdan#jude duarte#cardan greenbriar#jude x cardan#tfota#the folk of the air#holly black#jurdan baby#vivi heather oak appearances#jude exile#canon divergence
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jurdan the ship thing
ayyyy love them
1. I mean who doesnt love a nice malewife/girlboss pairing, especially when theyre both equalparts pathetic failsons and hyper-competent scheming bastards. i hope theyre politicking and slashing and crashing forever.
2. theyre so messy. in the most entertaining yet compelling, fleshed out way possible. always doing dumb miscommunicated shit both for sexy faefolk reasons and sad trauma reasons. which i deeply enjoy. esp when in the end they do actually get their shit together and get to live happily ever after (i assume i still havent gotten around to the stolen heir yet)
3. the tension is through the fucking roof. i still remember reading the fucking bondage+knife scene in hs and yknow holy shit. formative memory.
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a year after previous jurdan fanart (see it there!) i did another one 3:) and it took me forever for sure much longer than it should have
my art tag | instagram | commissions
#the cruel prince#the folk of the air#jurdan#jude duarte#cardan greenbriar#jude x cardan#the wicked king#cruel prince#wicked king#the queen of nothing#anistuff#fantasy books
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I made some random ass Jurdan sketches. Enjoy <3
ALSO THE CONCEPT OF PREGNANT JUDE? I am highly fascinated. Also dilf Cardan 😮💨🤌
I’m interested in drawing some fae fashion/ outfits that are either mentioned in the book or that seem fitting. So yall can expect that- and also if you have ideas, by all means pop an ask- if there is one thing i can discuss forever it’s jurdan and fashion 😌
#cardan greenbriar#jude duarte#folk of the air#digital art#fanart#sketches#tfota fanart#tfota#jude duarte x cardan greebrair#jude fanart#cardan x jude#jude and cardan#cardan fanart#requests open
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cardan: *arguing with jude* but I'M the High King so-
jude: I'm the High Queen
the fandom:
#we know#he knows#he cant argue with that logic#real#makes sense bro#sorry cardan but shes our queen#and for some reason I used young sheldon??#I like this series tho tbf :)#BACK TO JURDAN THO#jurdan forever <3#<3333#love#tfota#books#bookish#the cruel prince#booklr#jude duarte#cardan greenbriar#cardan#jude#the folk of the air#jurdan#judecardan#jude x cardan#cardan x jude#reading#the folk of air#image source: pinterest#young sheldon
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A proper about me I guess?
Name: Sarannya / Saru || Indian, Bengali || Pronouns: She / her || Zodiac sign: Libra || Rising sign: Aquarius || Moon sign: Virgo || Birthday: October 6th || Personality type: INFP || Favourite colour: blue and green
Fandom info:
Slytherclaw || Cabin six || Daughter of Athena || District 3 || Team Nat || London Institute || Tidemaker
Fandoms (literary):
Percy Jackson (Uncle Rick is a king, bow down to the real author of our generation) (Percabeth, solangelo is LIFE)
The Maze Runner (Thominho is real bitches I said what I said) (also, no teresa slander accepted)
The Grishaverse (Leigh Bardugo is a GENIUS)(KANEJ KANEJ KANEJ) (WESPER WESPER WESPER) (HELNIK HELNIK HELNIK) (ZOYALAI ZOYALAI ZOYALAI)
The Shadowhunter Chronicles (Jem Carstairs is bae <3) (Official Matthew Fairchild and Will Herondale simp)
The Folk of the Air trilogy (JURDAN MY BELOVED 😭)
Hunger Games (team Peeta cause he's the sweetest)
Little Women (maturity is knowing Amy and Laurie are deservedly endgame) (Stan Jo March for being the best female character in literature, ever)
Red White and Royal Blue (CAN I JUST SAY WHAT A BEAUTIFUL BOOK THIS IS ;-;)
Dan Brown books in general
Harry Potter (but in no means do I support JK R*wling who is a transphobic jerk)
Artemis Fowl (super underrated series)
Fandoms (TV show/ series/ movies):
Marvel Cinematic Universe (The. Best. Fandom. Ever.)
Umbrella Academy (the series) (#protectvanyahargreeves2021) (also, Elliot Page is an ICON)
HSMTMTS (I started watching it as a joke and now I'm addicted) (I watch it for the plot; the plot = Portwell)
Stranger Things (In this blog we stan Steve Harrington and Will Byers)
Teen Wolf (Stiles Stilinski is hands down the best character in tv show history bye) (also, Stydia= life)
BBC Sherlock
GoT (Arya marry me challenge)
Dead poets' society
Glee
Five Feet Apart
F.R.I.E.N.D.S. (Chandler Bing is my spirit animal)
JATP (Reggie Peters supremacy)
Fandoms (music):
|| Taylor Swift || One Direction || Little Mix || 5SoS || The Vamps || Panic! at the Disco || Anne Marie || Lady Gaga || Queen || Hozier || Olivia Rodrigo || Dear Evan Hansen || Hamilton || Six ||
YouTube fandoms (?):
Kurtis Conner || Danny Gonzalez || Drew Gooden || Trin Lowell || Dylan is in Trouble || Hannah Byles || With Cindy || Filtercopy || Slayy Point || Alex Meyers || Coleydoesthings || Anthony Aiken Jr || Jasmine Zade
In this blog, you shall find:
LOTS OF FANDOMS, A NEW ONE EVERY MONTH PROBABLY
Me simping over James Potter, Sirius Black, Steve Harrington, Kaz Brekker, Julian Blackthorn, Matthew Fairchild, Neil Perry, Stiles Stilinski, Fred Weasley, Reggie Peters, Will Herondale, Nikolai Lanstov, James Carstairs, Leo Valdez, Yelena Belova & Taylor Swift.
asks and long as fuck posts with mostly @i-dream-of-idk or @louthefish-28 or @i-dont-like-a-gold-rush or @thatbooksimp or @noselessness-forever
my shitposts / random thoughts that I get when I'm sleep deprived (ie, everyday) tagged #saru shitposts
a lot of random shit
Anything but sane content.
DNI: homophobes, transphobes, biphobes, misogynists, terfs, pedophiles, racists, pornbots, and bigots. 🗑️ Here's a trashcan for you to dwell.
This is the third time I'm updating this smh. I tried this schedule post thingy and idk if it works or not imma just keep this in my drafts and publish it later.
I'm supposed to tag people ig? So um here @i-dream-of-idk @i-dont-like-a-gold-rush @louthefish-28 @noselessness-forever @deanhouselocked @mik-in-chaos @ninazenikfanatic @thatbooksimp @edgarallanpoebutworse @your-true-north @pearljamislife @chrysalism-sonder @bi-n-high-vibes @buttcrflys-rose @justanaveragebookworm @anotherplaceintheuniverse @burn-like-starss @deadpoetsbythelakes
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i love jurdan so much, so i made some playlists, that remind me of them <3
jude in exile, and cardan’s letters
enjoy <333
#jurdan#folk of air#cardangreenbriar#tfota#tfota headcanon#the queen of nothing#tcpedit#cardanandjude#jude and cardan#jude duarte#taryn duarte#twk spoilers#Spotify
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Jude and Cardan playlist <3
(songs that remind me of jurdan)
“Dress” Taylor Swift
“exile” Taylor Swift ft. Bon Iver
“Wish You We’re Sober” Conan Gray
“Die For You” Weekend
“Partners in Crime” FINNEAS
“Come Back…Be Here” Taylor Swift
“I Wish You Would” Taylor Swift
“Sad Beautiful Tragic” Taylor Swift
“Call it What You Want” Taylor Swift
“Cruel Summer” Taylor Swift
“Lover” Taylor Swift
“Afterglow” Taylor Swift
“Forever and Always (TV)” Taylor Swift
“7 Things” Miley Cyrus
“Blank Space” Taylor Swift
“Gorgeous” Taylor Swift
“Dancing With Our Hands Tied” Taylor Swift
“gold rush” Taylor Swift
“Rockland” Gracie Abrams
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💙 begging on my hands and knees for jurdan
Thank you for the ask! <3 <3 <3
Cardan
He ached. The skin on his back was a battlefield, battles were fought there, soldiers died and soldiers survived, but no matter what, the battlefield was scorched and cracked, scarred and forever aching. Battlefields hold onto the memory of war (and pain) long after the armies forget.
So he ached and lay there with wounds deep inside his skin, quivering like his soul was trying to break free of his body, this hurting, broken body. His closed eyes showed him red, an artist painting with blood, using it freely and liberally. His nails dug into his palms, trying to open up his skin, release the disease inside him, let it burst out like a swarm of insects, desperate to taste the air.
There was a single touch against his fist. In his terror, it felt like a stab for a moment and he flinched away. As it sunk in that the touch was warm (knives are never warm, neither were whips) and soft, hesitant and enquiring instead of forceful and aggressive, he moved his hand closer.
Jude
He ached. And she didn't know what to do. A life full of battles she's lived, fighting to fit in, then fighting to stand out and above. She was always fighting, even with Cardan, especially with Cardan. But how to fight this? This battle is invisible and she wants to help Cardan, but both sides of the battle are him, so how to help him? (Should she help him? Yes. Yes, always. She is his queen, and queens and kings rule together, they fight together and they shoulder each other's burdens. She will not let him fight this alone, never again.)
So she watches him. It is the first step of any battle. Analyses for weakness. She sees his quivering body, his eyes closed tight, his legs pulled up to his chest, his clenched fists. It all makes her want to throw something, to punch and stab and kick. It makes her want to slash every cloth in the room and shatter every solid. It makes her want to fall apart as spectacularly as all the above objects. But she cannot fall apart now, she will watch over Cardan, she's all he's got, and she's got him now (always).
She takes a deep breath and moves closer. She touches his closed fist with one gentle finger. This is the only pain she can stop him from inflicting on himself. He flinches and she stays still, she is solid and unmoving, always there for him to lean on. Slowly he relaxes just a little bit more and moves his hand closer.
Cardan
The finger multiples and now suddenly there are five, slowly opening his fist. He feels untethered, like he's about to float away, somewhere no one will find him, lost even to himself. Then those fingers grip his, giving him a lifeline. He squeezes the fingers, testing their strength, see if they are able to bear the weight pulling him down (they are, they are infinitely strong, he's never been a match for them and he's never been more glad of that fact).
So he holds on and he squeezes as wave after wave of attacks are waged on his mind, by his mind. He still shakes and his eyes still leak, but his palms are free of crescent-shaped marks. There is a warmth at his back now, he doesn't know when it happened or how. He has never let anyone touch him there (she is not anyone, she's everything he needs and everything he's hated and everything he cannot live without).
Without his noticing, his body relaxes fully, the battle won (the war is still ongoing but for tonight there will be peace). There are featherlight touches on his cheeks wiping away tears and lips on his forehead, not a kiss, just a point of contact between them, as if just by keeping them pressed there she can hold back all the demons within.
Jude
His eyes open and he watches her. She wonders what he's thinking. Did she do alright? Caring for another has never been her strength, but she's good at fighting. Did I help you fight, she wants to ask. She watches him watch her and she stares into that unknowable fae gaze and she knows. She knows him. He is unknowable, but never to her.
She scoots closer and rests her head against his chest (it may not be very muscular but it will always be strong enough to hold her). He puts an arm around her and it feels as if the world has regained its balance. She knows him, knows that he feels better when he gets to hold her, gets to do something for her in return for helping him (as if he hasn't already done everything, as if he hasn't fulfilled wants she never knew how to ask).
So she holds him and he holds her and she holds him. He isn't okay (neither is she) but they are okay now, and together, and still alive to fight the next battle. She has his shabby, worm-eaten, scabrous heart (to her it feels like moonlight and starlight, shining bright but not blinding). And he has hers, hardened and sharp though it may be.
Cardan
(to him it feels like sunlight, warm and gloriously bright).
#thanks for the ask#hope you enjoyed#jurdan#judecardan#tfota#the folk of the air#cardan greenbriar#jude duarte
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The Pianist pt 8 | Jurdan
Modern AU. Part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6 part 7 part 9
Jude got home in the early hours of the morning and fell straight into bed.
It had been a whirlwind trip of meet and greets, recording demos, being passed from arm to arm and singing until her throat hurt. Bryern had paid for her accommodation, but the flights were more than she had expected, and she ended up having to buy new clothes while she was there. Especially since she was supposed to meet important people and look the part. Jude just hoped it had all been worth it.
Bryern had gotten her to sing for a number of producers, and they were so positive about her that Bryern made her his official project and dragged her around LA introducing her to everyone he knew. She barely slept, he told her not to eat while they were networking, and the alcohol they kept shoving into her hands made her head spin.
Of course, she had not anticipated being away for so long and had to make profuse apologies to all her workplaces. Java Island stood by their 'making of a celebrity' plan, but both the pub and the diner let her go. Jude had no idea how she was going to keep her apartment, but there was no point backing out now.
The truth was, Jude didn't mind this. Didn't mind any of it, not the sleepless nights or the being 'on' all the time or the being fawned over by strangers. In some ways it was tiring but in other ways it was exhilarating, and the more Jude tasted this life the hungrier she was for it. And although she knew she couldn't run on adrenaline forever, she thought she could very well do this life, if only she was let in.
So the weeks went by, and by the time she went home she had agreed for Bryern to officially be her agent, recorded five songs, and had three producers in negotiation with Bryern about a possible record deal down the track. He was optimistic, and she was exhausted.
Jude woke in her own bed hours later, and although the last few weeks were exciting, it was very good to be home and back to real life. Now she just had to pick up the pieces and hope the adventure had not cost her too much.
Jude groaned, dragged herself into the shower, and then took stock of the damage.
She was a week in rental arrears.
She had lost two of three jobs.
She now owed Cardan a grand total of $1, 436.
Jude flicked through the stack of letters by the door, adding her latest power bill to the growing tally of expenses.
And there in the pile was a card that had her name in curling cursive.
Jude Duarte, you are cordially invited to the fall showcase for the Juilliard school of music.
Jude stared at the invitation for some time, before realising that the date was today and the start time was in twenty minutes.
She threw on the black dress that was hanging over a chair nearby, bundled her hair up with a clip, and shoved her feet into a pair of shoes she had bought in LA. After everything Cardan had done for her, there was no way she could miss his showcase.
It took Jude an agonisingly long time to find the right hall, and by the time she got there the concert had already started. Jude slipped in the back of what was a small but plush theatre, with red seats and wood paneling that she supposed was good for acoustics.
There were twenty-odd musicians that all seemed to be more and more Nicasias and Lockes, and although they were all beautiful and talented, Jude itched to fast-foward the night until Cardan played.
Cardan. How odd that the first time she was seeing him after three weeks, he wouldn't even know she was there.
An hour and a half later, he was being announced. The darling of his cohort, Cardan was the closing act, and the man in the suit was telling the audience this was something Cardan had written himself. Jude shuffled in her seat, and leaned forward in rapt anticipation as he sat down at the piano stool and moved his neck as if getting comfortable. In her peripheral vision, Jude noticed others in the same posture as her.
It was not so much that Jude had forgotten Cardan's reputation. It was more that she had been so bent on hating him for so long that his being 'talented' just added to her irritation. He always seemed to get special treatment because of it and there was nothing she despised more.
Then she had been focusing on her own musical career, and was just now thinking that she couldn't even remember what his playing sounded like. Wasn't sure if she had ever actually just listened to him, or heard something he had written himself.
And then Cardan started to play.
Jude wasn't sure what she was expecting. Something technical, something impressively fast and vaguely furious. Something like the racket that kept her up all hours of the night.
But that wasn't what Cardan had written.
Cardan played soft, and languid, and sweet. She found herself leaning her chin on her hands against the back of the seat in front of her, and wondering if this is what Cardan's soul really looked like or if this was just some kind of clever trick he knew.
The audience was so silent, and design of the hall was so well made that the piano may as well have been right by Jude's side. She wondered where this song had come from, and how she had never, never heard anything like this coming from the upstairs apartment.
And then the sound changed and it was somehow familiar, like the had known this song her whole life.
Jude sat up, and her eyes went wide in the dark concert hall.
She did know this song. This was her mother's lullaby.
///////
Cardan had been allocated two invitations like everyone else. His parents had already announced they were coming so he sent one off to them because he knew they would manage to get their names on the list regardless. And then he turned the other one around in his hands for a good fifteen minutes before sliding it under Jude's door along with the handful of other white envelopes.
Jude had been gone for weeks and he didn't expect her to be back in time. Didn't expect she would come even if she was back- but then again, who else was he going to give it to?
Cardan had always planned to play his own composition on the night, although writing it was harder than expected due to the hasty return of his insomnia. In the end, what else could he write but Jude's song? The memory of it taunted him day and night, crystal clear in his head but out of reach for his ears.
So he played it, over and over trying to recreate the effect that Jude's voice had on him. And while it didn't help him sleep, it did morph over time into the only song he could manage while so sleep-deprived he was seeing things.
Which brought him to today. In the concert hall, with his parents and teachers in the front row, and the people who used to be his friends sitting somewhere to the lift and sniggering to themselves. Cardan didn't care. He just played, and to him it sounded like Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude.
This was not what had been expected of him today, and he knew that. It was not the usual style of his compositions, not what usually got him such high praise from the heads of department. But Cardan quite liked this song.
When he finished, the audience was silent. Then he stood and bowed, and realised that people were crying, and only then did they start to applaud, and even stand to their feet. Cardan grimaced, never being fully comfortable with this sort of thing, and nodded again before making his way off stage. The Head of Music was back on stage and speaking about... something, Cardan wasn't really paying attention, and he could see Nicasia and the others waving to him like they might try to talk to him. And then there were his parents, whispering to each other while watching the speech.
But Cardan didn't want to see any of them. Really just wanted to slip out of the hall before they had a chance to catch him, before faculty members or student journalists or anyone else cornered him and made him talk. So he snuck through the curtains, through a side door and up the side of the hall in the deep shadows while the Head of Music droned on. All the way to the back of the hall, because even though he had not looked out into the audience for long, he had stood there long enough to make out the important faces.
And the hall was small enough that he could see who was sitting in the back row.
It was small enough that he could see Jude.
****
As you can see I have no idea how anything actually works at Juilliard, I just started using it for the prestige of the name and then derailed into my own universe sorry if anyone actually has been there and knows how bullshit this all is 😂
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TAGLIST: @asteria-of-mars @swankii-art-teacher @loosingdreams @feysand-loml @cityofbookish @story-scribbler @thebonecarver @realbookloverproblems
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