#just a bad brain day ig

[southern-friedfemme]

hm

#personal u can ignore this #but like #i know part of it is exhaustion but i am reaching critical state here #meltdown imminent #i’m panicking about money about moving about getting my dog back from training about the whole world???? #about my relationship bc like we haven’t SAID exclusive but it FEELS exclusive and i want that but what if i panic and run away #bc like I’m good @ that!!!!! #I don’t wanna be!!!! #so anyway even tho money is stressing me out i stress shopped and also texted my therapist for an extra session #tbh I’m gonna try to stay awake all day and just crash at normal people time #probably won’t succeed but #whatever #just a bad brain day ig #… for the last like 3 weeks

[heybaetae]

hi

#hi #i am just popping on here for a second bc i’m not in the mood to be back yet but my queue is getting quite full #so i think i might have to unpause it soon #maybe tomorrow idk yet #just a heads up in case i seem active again i’m not really i just had a lot of stuff piling up 😭 #it will be a Huge shuffled mess so patience is appreciated!! #i apologize if you’re waiting on me but thank you for waiting regardless #please keep using my tracked tag for your creations #i will be back for real eventually #my mental health is quite terrible lately i still need time #it’s about to be a year since the last time i saw my sister before she passed so like. my grief is going through a crazy stage #i’m still not getting a ton of sleep #my brain is just Bad things all day #it’s all just really sucky but i’m trying to do my best 🙃 #i hope you are all well i miss you #i will respond to messages at some point too #there are very few which..well it puts things into perspective and validates certain feelings ig lol #it’s all good that’s something i’m working on internally #hopefully i get there #bye again for now 💕

[humanmorph]

the gig kent dynamic is so dear to me

#twilight mirage #gig kephart #kent brighton #friends at the table #fatt #it is. twilight mirage tuesday babyeee(its wednesday here already) (i really wanted to finish this before i lost steam again...) #art #i finished tm only 3 days ago and im. already missing them all so bad . i hope to draw more ive got stuff on the brain........ #but this idea made me laugh so i immediately sat down and did it (wild!!!!!!!!) #i changed the wording a bit to make it sound more like kent (unsure if successful) #rosa art #to ME oblivious gig is somewhat fun bc kent truly has it so bad but the meaner headcanon is gig eventually figuring it out #and just not wanting to bother enganging with it bc he just enjoys their friendship . and if kent wont be more clear thats on him ig.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

thinking so so hard about LaughingStock and how that'd go down. disastrously, probably

#and ill talk about it at Length in the tags until tumblr cuts me off like a rowdy drunk after last call #please keep in mind this is all in my Brain and relationship dynamics etc are all technically speculation. anyway #so while franklydear is your more classic 'oh no im in love with him! / aw shucks im in love with him<3' #laughingstock is 'feelings what feelings / oh shit oh fuck this is bad' #to Me. #in my mind howdy is completely oblivious to his emotions #he's out here like 'gotta get the store impressively neat & shiny for barnaby! and everyone else' without blinking an eye #he starts assembling barnaby and wally's dogs slower an slower so that barnaby has to hang around a smidge longer than usual #he's out here giggling at barnaby's jokes while sweeping Hours or Days after the joke was told like a lovesick idiot #all while being like Ah Yes Barnaby My Dear Friend. My Platonic Buddy Whose Jokes I Laugh At A Little Too Hard. Platonically. #meanwhile barnaby Realizes his own feels. has a minor crisis. goes through the 12 stages of grief and absolutely panics #he's like 'ok just gotta play it cool. normal. dont be weird. he'll fall for your natural charm in no time' #'ill hold all of my feelings right here until i die or howdy reciprocates. i just cant tell anyone about this.' #'....hey wally you can keep a secret right' #and rizzes it up yk. rolls a nat 20 on charisma every time without howdy even realizing it. ig barns rolled for stealth too #and from barnabys pov its going great! #howdy is flirting back! hes showing all the signs! when eddie views their interactions he comes to barnaby later and is like A+ gay as fuck #so barnaby is a soft pining mess and howdy is Absurdly Oblivious despite being a clever & observant guy #so im imagining (will freely admit that this Train of Thought is slightly inspired by the latest chapter of Stamps by Indigopoptart) #that eventually barnaby is Confident in their budding relationship ok. hes ready to ask howdy out. #everyone who Knows (wally & eddie) are like Go For It He Clearly Loves You #and when barnaby tells howdy. howdys like 'ohhhh geez um im really flattered 🥺 but i dont feel the same 😔😭' #cue barnaby turning into the 'never again' meme while trying to laugh it off and pretend like he didnt just have his heart mr starked #so he goes home to smoke his pipe and cry and howdy goes about his day feeling Strange #why cant he stop thinking about that confession. what are these emotions. i mean its not as if hes in love with Ohhhhhh No. Oh No. #so howdy has his 'holy shit! im in love with barnaby! (lovestruck. swooning) ....Holy Shit I Rejected Barnaby (horrified. nauseous)' moment #cue howdy expecting barnaby to come by in the morning as per Routine so they can talk. he Doesnt. cue howdy stressing the fuck out over it #meanwhile wally sally (eddie sent her in his place. hes too busy) and barnaby are having a girls day (eating ice cream and watchin romcoms) #eventually barnaby hears that howdy has been Dropping The Ball and cant not check on him. cue emotional heart-2-heart outside the bodega #this is all very specific but its in my brain. these scenarious lull me to sleep every night lately

[strawberrryangel]

today was a good day! *collapses into bed and sobs uncontrollably*

#had a dentist appointment this morning #then had to go to work #bought myself a few things #got home around 8:20 #had dinner #watched a bit of gilmore girls and supernatural #then had to unpack groceries #and almost had a meltdown #i feel like i’m doing so much around the house #and nobody else is doing anything #and like i was at work all day after my appointment #and it just feels like so much of the organization/cleaning of the house is on me #i’m so fucking exhausted #and i have to work an 8 hour shift tomorrow! #and i couldn’t even actually cry because i always shove it down! so. #anyway #just showered and now am gonna go to bed #it’s almost 11 so not bad i might read a bit of fanfic if i have the brain power #vent post ig lmao

[roseofcards90]

My data wasn’t working for quite a bit and I ended up almost going insane

#I couldn’t load my bus pass and was freaking out teehee #this day is the worst I want to go home but I don’t want to go home #because my shitty stepdad is there #I’m suffering from allergies and every bad thought is piling up in my brain #I haven’t eaten lmao #I JUST NEED TO GET HOME IG #IDK ANYMORE #my posts

[welcometogrouchland]

they shouldn't let me stay up past midnight bc then I start identifying every single problem I've ever had. No solutions found. Net zero personal progress and 0.5 hours of sleep are achieved

#ramblings of a lunatic #ignore me I'm having a moment #actually wait that's one of the problems we (the brain council) identified. is my need to not have problems where ppl can see #oh very problematic of my brain. not a fan #look i just got out on christmas break for college the term is catching up to me #i didn't make any real friends and it's not that I'm surprised..but yeah I'm surprised. i forgot about My Whole Deal somehow #like girl do the math. 7 yrs to make A FRIEND. SINGULAR. came pre packaged w/ 2 friends but took you 4 more years to make another one- #-independtly. straight up did not understand friendship and human relationships until you were at least 16 #did we honestly think we were gonna knock it out of the park in terms of socialising this first term???? did we???? #wishful thinking ig #oughh. college...bad. or not bad but. strange. and lonely. and yeah kinda bad #existentially horrifying in ways i didn't even realise were possible. i get why so many tma fans were college students/grads now #college just irl cosmic horror #anyway. i think i should try and sleep now lest the brain demons get the better of me #but also I've gotten like. 4 hours of sleep total over the last 6 days- not for lack of trying mind you #so like. I'm anticipating a struggle.

[nrd-answers]

Real quick thing so it doesn’t seem like I’ve abandoned this blog

Lmao dw I haven’t, I just got hit with the Brain Things, which is making it hard to move on to the next part or draw basically anything recently.

More asks will be answered, I just don’t know exactly when. Hopefully soon cuz I’m still excited to tell the story

Existing is just kicking my ass rn. Thanks for waiting and popping in anyways

#ooc #news #??? ig??? #yesterday was a really bad day for me brain wise #I feel like I’m gonna need a couple more days just to recover #Ough brain why are you like this #let me things plsss #genuinely idk if this post is even coherent

[kuiinncedes]

akjsndglidfligauhglsighoiurdfhg

#one final left 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 #i am procrastinating studying #my motivation to study is nonexistent atp lmfao #which is bad that this class is last #bc idk anything in this class #😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 #and the slides aren't great and there's not a great straightforward way to study in my brain rn #i need to write down some stuff i can do #i i have like a lil les than 14 hours 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 #why was this class so bad for me it wasn't even like that bad like the prof wasn't horrible #just not for me ig 💀💀💀 i just could not pay attention to him everything he said went right in and out thru my ears no comprehension #hm so how do i reread all the chapters or something in like < 10 hours or smth lmfao #also what do i even mean reread as if i read them all the first time slkjnfgdfigbpiurghpqireughdjfhsglfgjhaldkjfh #my last two finals were ok like ........ on par for what i expect lmfao and i think i did as well as i was gonna do on them #but this one #it's fucking unfortunate timing that it's last and day after another final bc i would rly appreciate a lot more time to study for this one #and i cant manage time so i haven't rly started studying for it lmfao why would i study before the day before 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩 #anyway whatever #my chinese song playlist hitting hard rn it's so good and so nice to listen to while studying bc i dont get too distracted lol #and the songs are so GOOD i've been bonding more w my roommate over it XD #i think it's kinda funny how my music this week is gonna be so different than normal lol on airbuds since it does weekly music stats #out of nowhere just only lindsey stirIing and chinese songs lol #and then mxmt/oon in btwn there bc she also chiller music #jeanne talks

[thatoneluckybee]

How long do you think I’d get grounded for if I smashed a smartwatch thingy with a hammer

#rambles #update on shock collar bracleet that doesnt actual shock you ig #like. i call it that to annoy people (IT WORKS :D) it doesnt actual shock you just. vibrates loudly. #and I quote roughly (dont remember exactly but along the lines of) “To build awareness and retrain your brain out of bad/unwanted behaviors #it is so annoying it doesnt work everytime i move my arm i get vrrrrrrrrrr but i have to wear this whenever my parents see me for a week to #test it out #rn got out of it most of day (doesnt work in car or at school) but STILL #probably wouldnt be as annoying if i got used to it but like. no. #also after it vrrrrrrrs a few times too many its hard to feel my hand so thats fun i dont think its meant to do that but—

[reikunrei]

:/

#food and weight talk ig. just in case. but #i would love to know wtf happened to make me like this rn.. #had a lot of food for dinner last night and now I’m laying here awake like. okay so I can’t eat anything today #like. i know why this is happening. it’s because I’ve been getting my weight taken a lot recently bc of all my dr appts #so it’s just. made me Super aware of it as a number which has always been bad for me #but it’s also. gender dysphoria. and just general feelings of self consciousness about my body that I’ve always had #but just feel so Heightened lately. like the last month or so it’s been so so so bad #and I’m just so stressed about other things that everything is just exacerbated so like. idk my brain has latched onto this #and it’s… really hard to shake. i keep restricting what I eat bc if I then eat too much I feel guilty about it #thoughts like this have been beating at my skull for the last like 2 years bc of dr appts and stuff. and I guess it’s just finally reached #a head that makes me wanna disappear into nothing #last night I think was the first day in 2 weeks or so I didn’t go to bed hungry bc I actually ate enough. and that makes me feel Bad #i say things

[polaraffect]

how do i go back to romanticizing my life 😭 this shit is so hard

#damien.txt #thinking back to the days when my brain could dark academia-ify a lot of the things around me #and like. man. i miss it. obviously everything was not sunshine-and-rainbows but there was a lot that i could be like. #well i can at least appreciate these little aesthetic things. or i felt capable of seeking out those aesthetics #and. idk. i miss it. i feel vaguely incapable of doing it now #it's just another thing that feels lowkey exhausting in the long list of things that feels exhausting. #ahhhHH can i not have one nice thing man #im doing like Real Bad rn lol but <3 we balling ig

[humanmorph]

ik I said 'they could put me in that thing' about the divine guilt but it'd actually probably work better as something you have to carry around (think the righteousness briefcase). But it's more wieldy and kind of actively hindering

#Of course it wouldn't actually be in there physically but like. In the elects(?ig) brain etc. A type of software that type of divine #Rosa rambles #They could put them in that thing still though like maybe it opens. Maybe it's a case and a shield to hide behind #idk what it does though. #Making up divines(in this case just a design) always makes me wanna skip&hop. #tralala machine gods embodying a concept that have an intimate and often terrible relationship with their pilots #Not always. You know. A loving look....... Anchor......... #But bad consequences are fun to come up with. #I'm never getting weird enough when I do this but it's fine since it's for fun. Still. One day I'll think of a really good 3rd gen divine

[dandyshucks]

i think maybe idk how to draw anything anymore fhfhdjdl I am finding myself going "huh,,, i seem to not know how to draw [insert literally anything here]" constantly while doodling tonight :'(

#havent had one of these times this bad in over a year fjfkdl #everything i draw just looks bad to me fjdksl which is mostly just frustrating bc im trying to decompress dhjdls #alas !!! these ideas must stay trapped in my brain for now ig fjfkdl i cannot put them into the paper ougghhh #hopefully i can figure out wtf is going wrong soon bc i have so many ideas im eager to put onto the page !!! #i think it might be ... ack. i dont even want to say it SBDHKDL #but i think i may be hitting a mental/emotional slump of some kind bc the brain gophers have been very persistent the past few days :[ #so perhaps.... we are reaching some level of burnout ACK NAUR i dont even want to think abt that fjfkdl #I'll investigate this tomorrow and see what i can suss out in the brain hrmmm #dandy.cmd #vent //

[tvrningout]

don't be disappointed, but i might have to try writing again tomorrow ;; my brain is really fighting me rn

#everything sounds very flavorless to me if that makes sense? #i got ideas and excitement but my writing is lacking rn so i think it'll be best if i look at everything with fresh eyes in the morning #i maybe should've seen this coming bc my brain hasn't been operating at 100% all day tbh #i'm just!! so excited to write so it's a lil frustrating :( #but tomorrow i go in late and get off a lil earlier so hopefully!! i'll have an easier time getting stuff written uvu #i wanna write kisses and the build up so bad... especially bc some of the build up is so silly this time around :' ))) #chiyo is pouting so hard in one of the responses i'm writing and i'm having such a good time imagining it asdfg #man... the braincells get to rest tonight ig but they better let me write tomorrow #get ready to ramble | ooc

[decaeysa]

uhhh let this be a super low activity notice (in terms of writing)

being a crybaby in tags

#mobile tbt. #tbd. #vent / #I am so tired of waking up every day feeling like wank #’remi if you had a better sleep schedule / did xyz you would feel better’ #shut up. #it has not been as bad as this for years and I’m so miserable #I’ve been trying to hang out with new people and make new friends bc #the bpd has been rough too recently so that does not help #idk I’m just Depressed x 100 rn and I want it to go away #I hate being like this I wanna enjoy my hobbies !!!!!! #brain let me do anything but lay and rot in bed challenge !!!! #anyway pls don’t give sympathy I don’t want it #I just need to put this out there as idk an explanation ig