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#i know part of it is exhaustion but i am reaching critical state here

theliteraryluggage · 2 years

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Common Fanfic Mistakes pt. II: Homophones

Hello hello and welcome to part two! Today I will be clearing up some of the most common mistakes I've been seeing in fanfiction, focusing on homophones, that is words that sound the same but have different spellings and meaning.

If you missed the first part focusing on idioms, you can find it here!

Once again, this is not meant as a criticism but as a helpful reference! Mistakes happen and that's ok but maybe we can learn something.

Disclaimer: I am not a native English speaker myself, so I’m not claiming to be 100% accurate here, but I did do some research and I have a MA in English/International Literature, so I do know a little bit what I’m talking about.

Homophones

Unfortunately, English spelling is a mess. We all know this. And this lead to the existence of many many words that are very similar to each other despite having different meanings, making them easy to mix up. Let's take a look at some of them!

pour vs pore

The rain was pouring in rivulets down the window. He'd been poring over the books for hours now.

to POUR is a word that refers to a liquid or flood of some kind--both literal and metaphorical. Rain can pour from the sky, liquor can pour from a bottle, tears can pour down a face. But a flood of words can also pour out of someone, or a crowd can pour out of a building.

to PORE, as a verb, has only this one very specific meaning: to spend hours bent over a book or ruminating on a problem, trying to find information or solution.

weary vs wary

The long journey had left them weary, but they still couldn't help but feel wary of the weirdly friendly strangers.

WEARY is a state of being tired, exhausted and run down, especially after travel or work. You can also be emotionally weary, when it's just been too much and you need a break.

WARY is a state of being careful and slightly distrustful in circumstances that might not be entirely trustworthy.

leery vs (to) leer

She knew she'd been right being leery when the man leered at her.

LEERY is much the same as WARY, being sceptical and mistrustful.

to LEER refers to a creepy or salacious grin or smile, usually used in an unflattering context.

peak vs peek vs pique

His fatigue reached its peak just as the sun was starting to peek over the horizon. Still, the fog rolling over the hills piqued his interest.

PEAK is the summit of a mountain or a hill, or a more metaphorical height, such as peak traffic hours. Similarly, as a verb, to peak means to reach the highest mark.

to PEEK refers to taking a quick, furtive or premature look at something. Like someone peeking only just around a corner, or someone sneaking to take a look at the christmas presents.

to PIQUE is, once again, a very specific word that is usually used in the phrase "pique someone's interest/curiosity". It derives from the French and is closer in meaning to poke. If someone's piqued, something prodded or spurred them into being, for example, interested, curious, or annoyed.

(w)rack vs wreck

They were wracked with guilt at having to wreck this beautiful, stately old mansion.

to (W)RACK--this can be spelled with or without a w--is to be torn up and tormented, usually with guilt, but sometimes also with poverty, hunger or shivers.

to WRECK means to destroy or lay waste to something

wan vs wane

She looked up at the waning moon with a wan smile.

WAN is something pale, dull or weak, often used to refer to a smile or expression.

to WANE refers most often to the moon, but can also denominate something else dwindling, shrinking or disappearing.

suit vs suite

He was glad to have brought his good three-piece suit, otherwise he might have felt out of place in this fancy hotel suite.

SUIT can mean several things--most commonly a fancy set of clothing consisting of (at least) slacks, a dress shirt and a jacket. But there's also the lawsuit, and it can also refer to a set or series of something--for example playing cards.

SUITE is an apartment or series of rooms, often used in connection with hotels. There it indicates a hotel "room" that consists or more than just one room, like a foyer or a sitting room in addition to the bedroom and bathroom.

And that's all I have for today! I hope you learned something! Are there any other common mistakes that you've noticed while reading? Are there maybe some words that you tend to mix up yourself? Let me know and I might add a part three to this series!

If this helped you, consider sending a small tip my way? Thank you for reading 💜

#writing #writing advice #writeblr #creative writing #writing tips #fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic writing #fanfic writers #nihi writes stuff #from the sleeves #100

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dizzydennis · 3 years

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Sonic x Metal Sonic Cover Story!

Translator note: I am not totally fluent in Japanese so please understand that my translations are not perfect, but I hope you can enjoy this fun story. Any constructive criticism is appreciated.

Deep within Dr. Eggman’s abandoned, secret lab... a robot connected to a database booted up made note of the current situation. The evaluation was as followed:

[[Current status... "unfavorable"]]

While this robot was in rest for maintenance, Dr. Eggman was once again defeated by Sonic. Yet again, “he” was unable to rush to protect his master from crisis.

The same amount of bitterness stirred inside him... or perhaps even more.

It longed for the opportunity to defeat Sonic.

This mechanical piece of intelligence was known as “Metal Sonic” and it was created for the sole purpose of destroying Sonic. It continued to analyze the situation:

[[Current status is "unfavorable"]]

☆ ★ ☆

"Speed Highway" is a super-three-dimensional highway that runs through a plethora of high-rise buildings.

It has many acceleration lanes such as the “360-degree rotating loop” that rises to the sky and a corkscrew that stretches into a large spiral. It attracts the souls of speed enthusiasts everywhere!

Sonic was running around in good spirits as he hummed to himself.

CRASH!!

Suddenly, something attacked Sonic head-on! He barely avoided it as the road just ahead turned into a pile of rubble from such a shattering impact. Sonic let out a gleeful grin.

“I’m worried. You didn’t damage yourself with that stunt, did ya, Metal?”

It was, in fact, Metal Sonic that stood up from the rubble.

Metal gave a piercing, sharp gaze towards Sonic. Within a second, he quickly closed the gap between the two of them while pointing his left hand to Sonic.

“Hey! Isn’t that--!?”

It was the flickering of a Chaos Emerald. Metal’s other hand pointed to the innermost parts of Speed Highway. It was unwavering.

Sonic instantly understood what Metal Sonic meant.

“You’re gonna bet that in a competition against me? That doesn’t seem very fair now, does it?”

Sonic then took out his all of the Chaos Emeralds he had on him.

“Alright, Metal! This is for real then. All or nothing!”

In an instant, two blue shadows dashed out onto the street, illuminated by the lights of the skyscrapers at dusk. The race that moved faster than the speed of sound had begun!

☆ ★ ☆

As the sound barrier was broken, the rush of wind echoed through the elevated roads that were cast as a valley between the buildings.

A corkscrew twisted down from a 360-degree loop as it curved to the right and then to the left. It then went into a spiral that took them up and down and all around.

Sonic lightly traced across the road’s surface as he felt enthralled by the difficult course of the Speed Highway. Metal Sonic was able to glide across the road with the use of a jet engine.

The race continued with the two hedgehogs barely gaining a step on each other, but a big change occurred in the middle of the course. A super long and sharp curve came out after a speedy decent. Metal Sonic decided to engage in some close combat before this area.

He boosted forward as his body entered this shocking, electromagnetic state. It was a sudden attack, but Sonic was able to avoid it. He must have read his moves. Metal Sonic’s energy output temporarily dropped at the end of the boost as he slowed down; just as planned. He could clear the curve with just the right amount of speed. Sonic had to slow down here too and Metal Sonic had nothing to lose!

Everything was going fine, but at that moment, Sonic was speeding up and approaching fast. Metal Sonic’s thoughts became fragmented if only for a moment.

[[......!?]]

Sonic, as he started to tumble off the side of the course due to his great speed, had put his hand out and grabbed Metal Sonic’s head, curved inward, and accelerated towards the inner-section of the course. He pushed Metal downwards and perfectly made the curve.

“My bad!”

Metal Sonic, who managed to regain his posture, raised his face, he saw Sonic running far ahead.

Metal Sonic tried to analyze the situation

[[Current status... "unfavorable"]]

☆ ★ ☆

Metal Sonic continued to analyze everything while giving chase. He had never won again Sonic ever since their first battle. He was built for the best performance and had a tireless, steel body. There were many factors of his creation that should have meant he was unbeatable.

But I can never win.

Why? Why... it’s just a hedgehog that runs fast...

Right at that moment,

A buzz of electricity rippled through the robot’s AI and it’s train of thought.

Is it because it’s not just “fast.”

[[............!]]

Why was this robot made to resemble Sonic?

Perhaps, the creator, Dr. Eggman, created this body simply to not waste time creating it, but to also be a replacement to Sonic.

It was created for that specific purpose. There’s something that had to be done.

Metal cut all non-essential parts such as “fire control” and the “electromagnetic spark capacitors.” All systems were set on full power to “Speed.” Metal sharpened and gutted himself on the inside.

A moment later, a creature of blue steel, which had become the pure concept of a new “Metal Sonic” began to chase after Sonic the Hedgehog.

☆ ★ ☆

Meanwhile, Sonic had already taken notice that something had changed with Metal Sonic. The distance between them was gradually getting shorter.

Metal Sonic was purely a machine. There’s no way to know what it could even be thinking about. However, Sonic could sometimes tell. He could sense Metal Sonic’s joy, willpower, and unhealthy obsession towards victory.

“Looks like things are heating up!”

Sonic sped up even more, with a serious expression, muttered words of amazement while suppressing a grin that was continuously rising to his mouth.

“Heh, you don’t feel like you’re getting burned out?”

It was a straight line from the left-twisting, half-corkscrew to the goal. Below, you could see the surface of the city piercing upwards. The two blue streaks sped up the outside of a vertical skyscraper.

The goal was just around the corner. Sonic was in the lead.

Metal Sonic’s AI became fully aware at this point. It would not win at this rate.

How can it win!? Perhaps it could increase the output from the jet propulsion unit a little more, but where there even enough resources to do so...!?

☆ ★ ☆

"...?"

Just a few hundred meters from the goal.

Right then, Sonic couldn’t understand what happened.

Metal Sonic pulled out to Sonic at an impossibly fast speed! A dazzling seven-colored light erupted from Metal’s chest as a bright red flame with black smoke gushed out of the jet exhaust hole on his back. Parts and debris flew off of him in a violent roar.

“Metal...!?”

That’s right. Metal Sonic absorbed and utilized Chaos Energy! However, the power of the Chaos Emeralds was not stable and was very uncontrollable.

While speeding ahead, Metal lost his balance and collapsed.

Upon seeing this, Sonic tried to call out...

In a single moment, Metal was swallowed the the seven bright lights as they were then engulfed by smoke. Metal Sonic turned into a glowing red bulb.

The explosion sent an impact out that knocked Sonic back. As he looked up to the sky...

Against the backdrop of the night sky, Metal Sonic’s scattered body parts, which drew a trail of red flames alongside shimmering shards of window glass seemed to fly by in slow motion.

For a single moment, Sonic thought it was strangely beautiful.

Immediately after, Sonic got to his feet while being shocked at the explosion sounds that came soon after. When suddenly...

Metal Sonic’s upper body, which only had the torso, head, and right arm attached had crashed to the floor. As it made attempts to crawl towards the goal. The efforts proved too exhausting as he soon stopped dead in his tracks... just 10 meters away.

Shortly after, Sonic begrudgingly crossed the finish line; putting this little game to an end.

A Chaos Emerald flew towards Sonic. As he caught it, he looked back with a unique and serious expression. Metal Sonic had tossed the emerald with the last of his power.

[[......!!]]

Metal Sonic jumped to restrain Sonic as he approached with his fiery eyes.

Sonic felt as if Metal Sonic was saying that it’s impossible for two people to have crossed the finish line.

The damage that Metal Sonic had taken wasn’t as bad as Sonic had expected.

Sonic spoke in his usual tone, feeling uncomfortable with how relieved the situation felt.

“It was a good race.”

As Sonic let out his remarks, he never turned back and said,

“I’ll be waiting for a rematch.”

☆ ★ ☆

The defeated Metal Sonic was analyzing the current situation.

This time, it was an utter defeat.

Metal tried to re-calibrate all of his resources, but still couldn’t win.

Metal Sonic tried to sharpen his strengths, but it was all too late. In the end, he lacked a way to channel his resources and self-destructed.

....However,

it should be noted that an unprecedented performance was achieved this time.

Even with the final Chaos Emerald, considering that the race would have been lost regardless, it wasn’t necessarily a bad move... but a more detailed analysis is to be postponed.

A rescue signal was already issued. Aid was available and recovery could be achieved at Eggman’s base. If Metal connected to the base’s main computer and analyzed today’s data, he can definitely win next time. There is room to not only improve speed, but also inhibitory behaviors and attack patterns.

I can still reach a tier of being and there will others who can surpass or fall victim to that tier!

At the moment, Metal Sonic was forced into a deep sleep mode due to a drop in his voltage energy. His ability to think dropped rapidly and Metal Sonic obtained an analysis result that was unbiased and unemotional.

[[Status is... “favorable."]]

#Sonic the Hedgehog #Metal Sonic #Sonic CD #Sonic Adventure #Sonic Heroes

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innuendostudios · 3 years

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youtube

I was invited to give a talk on GamerGate over Zoom in early 2021. I've long been frustrated that there isn't a good timeline of GG and its origins on YouTube. When people ask "what the hell was GG anyway?" they often get referred to my or Dan Olson's videos on the subject, but both of them were made while GG was ongoing, and presumed a degree of familiarity on the part of the audience. There was just too much to say about what was already happening to spend time getting the audience up to speed, and it was safe to assume our audiences had enough context to follow along. But time moves fast on the internet, and many people who now care about such things weren't there while it was happening, and are lacking the necessary context to follow the better videos. For a long time, I've only been able to direct them to RationalWiki's timeline, which is excellent but so exhaustively comprehensive that it's likely to scare off first-timers.

I realize an hourlong lecture isn't necessarily helping matters, but the first 20-or-so minutes of this video are my attempt at streamlining the timeline such that people can be up to speed on the most important stuff fairly quickly. The rest is talking about what it all meant, how it prefigured the Alt-Right, and using it to better understand digital radicalization.

This video was made with the help of Magdalen Rose, who edited the slides to the audio while I was laid up with a back injury. Go sub to her channel! And please back me on Patreon.

Transcript below the cut.

FUCKING VIDEO GAMES? FUCKING VIDEO GAMES. THEY MADE DOZENS OF PEOPLE MISERABLE FOR YEARS OVER VIDEO GAMES! NOT EVEN FUCKING VIDEO GAMES, FUCKING ARTICLES ABOUT FUCKING VIDEO GAMES. THIS IS WHAT PASSES FOR LEGITIMATE GRIEVANCE. ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS SHIT??

Hi! My name is Ian Danskin. I’m a video essayist and media artist. I run the YouTube channel Innuendo Studios, please like share and subscribe.

I’m here to talk to you about GamerGate, and I needed to get all that out of the way. I’m going to talk about what GamerGate was and how it prefigured The Alt-Right, and there are gonna be moments where you’re nodding along with me, going, “yeah, yeah I get it,” and then the sun’s gonna break through a crack in the wall and you’ll suddenly remember that all this is happening because some folks - mostly ladies - said some stuff - provably true stuff, I might add - about video games and a bunch of guys didn’t like it, and you’re gonna want to rip your hair out. By the end of this, you will have a better understanding of what happened, but it will never not be bullshit.

Also, oh my god, content warning. Racism, sexism, antisemitism, homophobia, transphobia, rape threats, threats of violence, domestic abuse - I’m not going to depict or describe at length any of the worst stuff, but it’s all in the mix. So if at any point you need to switch me off or mute me, you have my blessing.

Brace yourselves.

Some quick prehistory:

In 2012, feminist media critic Anita Sarkeesian ran a Kickstarter campaign for a YouTube series on sexist tropes in video games. And, partway through the campaign, 4chan found it and said “let’s ruin her life.” And a lot of the male general gaming public joined in. And by “ruin her life” I’m not talking 150 angry tweets including dozens of rape and death threats per week, though that was a thing. I’m talking bomb threats. I’m talking canceled speaking engagements because someone threatened to shoot up a school. I’m talking FBI investigation. The harassers faced no meaningful repercussions.

And in 2013, Zoe Quinn released Depression Quest, a free text game about living with depression. They received harassment off and on for the next year, most pointedly from an incel forum called Wizardchan that doxxed their phone number and made harassing phone calls telling them to kill themself. The harassers faced no meaningful repercussions.

(Also, quick note: Zoe Quinn is nonbinary and has come out since the events in question. When I call Zoe’s harassment misogynist, understand I am not calling Zoe a woman, but they were attacked by people who hate women because that’s how they were perceived. Had they been out at the time things probably would’ve gone down similarly, but on top of misogyny I’d be talking about nonbinary erasure and transphobia.)

Okay. Our story begins in August 2014. The August that never ended.

Depression Quest, after a prolonged period on Greenlight, finally releases on Steam as a free download with the option to pay what you want. In the days that follow, Zoe’s ex-boyfriend, Eron Gjoni, writes a nearly 10,000-word blog called The Zoe Post, in which he claims Quinn had been a shitty and unfaithful partner. (For reference, 10,000 words is long enough that the Hugos would consider it a novelette.) This is posted to forums on Penny Arcade and Something Awful, both of which immediately take it down, finding it, at best, a lot of toxic hearsay and, at worse, an invitation to harassment. So Gjoni workshops the post, adds a bunch of edgelord humor (and I am using the word “humor” very generously), and reposts it to three different subforums on 4chan.

We’re not going to litigate whether Zoe Quinn was a good partner. I don’t know or care. I don’t think anyone on this call is trying to date them so I’m not sure that’s our business. What is known is that the relationship lasted five months, and, after it ended, Gjoni began stalking Quinn. Gjoni has, in fact, laid out how he stalked Quinn in meticulous detail to interviewers and why he feels it was justified. It’s also been corroborated by a friend that Quinn briefly considered taking him back at a games conference in San Francisco, but he became violent during sex and Quinn left the apartment in the middle of the night with visible bruises.

Off of the abusive ex-boyfriend’s post, 4chan decides it’s going to make Zoe Quinn one of their next targets, and starts a private IRC channel to plan the campaign. The channel is called #BurgersAndFries, a reference to Gjoni claiming Quinn had cheated on him with five guys. A couple sentences in The Zoe Post - which Gjoni would later claim were a typo - imply that one of the five guys was games journalist Nathan Grayson and that Quinn had slept with him in exchange for a good review of Depression Quest. Given the anger that they’d seen drummed up against women in games with the previous Anita Sarkeesian hate mob, #BurgersAndFries decides to focus on this breach of “ethics in games journalism” as a cover story, many of them howling with laughter at the thought that male gamers would probably buy it. This way, destroying Quinn’s life and career and turning their community against them would appear an unfortunate byproduct of a legitimate consumer revolt; criticism of the harassment could even be framed as a distraction from the bigger issue. Gjoni himself is in the IRC channel telling them that this was the best hand to play.

The stated aim of many on #BurgersAndFries was to convince Quinn to commit suicide.

Two regulars in the IRC, YouTubers MundaneMatt and Internet Aristocrat, make videos about The Zoe Post. Incidentally, both these men had already made a lot of money off videos about Anita Sarkeesian. Matt’s is swiftly taken down with a DMCA claim, and he says that Quinn filed the claim themself. (For the record, in those days, YouTube didn’t tell you who filed DMCA claims against you.) Members of the IRC also reach out to YouTuber TotalBiscuit, who had been critical of Sarkeesian and dismissive of her harassment, and he tweets the story to his 350,000 followers, saying a game developer trading sex for a good review might not prove true, but was certainly plausible.

This is where GamerGate begins to get public traction.

Zoe Quinn is very swiftly doxxed, with their phone number, home address, nudes, and names and numbers of their family collected. Gjoni himself leaks their birth name. The Zoe Post, and the movement against Quinn - now dubbed “The Quinnspiracy” - make it to The Escapist and Reddit, which mods will have little luck removing. The Quinnspiracy declares war on any site that does take their threads down, most vehemently NeoGAF. People who defend Zoe against the harassment start getting doxxed themselves - Fez developer Phil Fish is doxxed so thoroughly, hackers get access to the root folder of his website.

In what I’m going to call This Should Have Been The End, Part 1, Stephen Totilo, Editor-in-Chief at Kotaku where Nathan Grayson worked, in response to pressure not just from The Quinnspiracy but an increasing number of angry gamers buying The Quinnspiracy’s narrative, publishes a story. In it he verifies that Quinn and Grayson did date for several months, and that not only is there no review of Depression Quest anywhere on Kotaku, not by Grayson nor anyone else, but that Grayson did not write a single word about Quinn the entire time they were dating.

In response, The Quinnspiracy declares war on Kotaku. r/KotakuinAction is formed, which will become the primary site of organization outside of chanboards. The fact that their entire “movement” is based on a review that does not exist changes next to nothing.

Some people start to see The Quinnspiracy as potentially profitable. The Fine Young Capitalists get involved, a group ostensibly working to get women into video games but who have a Byzantine plan to do so wherein they crowdfund the budget and the woman who wins a competition gets to storyboard a game, but another company will make and she will get 8% of the profits, the rest going to a charity chosen by the top donor. 4chan becomes the top donor. They like TFYC because the head of the company has a vendetta against Zoe Quinn, who had previously called them out for their transphobic submission policy, and he falsely accused Quinn of having once doxxed him. 4chan feels backing an ostensibly feminist effort will be good PR, but can’t resist selecting a colon cancer charity because, they say, feminism is cancer and they want to be the cure to butthurt. They also get to design a character for the game, and so they create Vivian James, who will become the GamerGate mascot.

Manosphere YouTubers Jordan Owen and Davis Aurini launch a Patreon campaign for their antifeminist documentary The Sarkeesian Effect and come to The Quinnspiracy looking for $15,000 a month for an indefinite period to make it, which they get.

In what will prove genuinely awful timing, Anita Sarkeesian releases the second episode of Tropes vs. Women in Video Games, and, despite not being a games journalist and having nothing to do with Quinn or Grayson, she is immediately roped into the narrative about how feminists are ruining games culture and becomes the second major target of harassment. Both she and Quinn soon have to leave their houses after having receiving dozens and dozens of death threats that include their home addresses.

After being courted by members of the IRC channel, Firefly star Adam Baldwin tweets a link to one of the Quinnspiracy videos and coins the hashtag #GamerGate. This is swiftly adopted by all involved.

In response to all this, Leigh Alexander writes a piece for Gamasutra arguing that the identity that these men are flocking to the “ethics in games journalism” narrative to defend no longer matters as a marketing demographic. Gaming and games culture is so large and so varied, and the “core gamer” audience of 18-34 white bros growing smaller and septic, that there was no reason, neither morally nor financially, to treat them as the primary audience anymore. Love of gaming is eternal, but, she declared, “gamers,” as an identity, “are over.” Eight more articles contextualizing GamerGate alongside misogyny and the gatekeeping of games culture come out across several websites in the following days. GamerGate frames these as a clear sign of [deep sigh] collusion to oppress gamers, proving that ethics in games journalism is, indeed, broken, and Leigh Alexander becomes the third major target of harassment. These become known as the “gamers are dead” articles - a phrase not one of them uses - and they make “get Leigh Alexander fired from Gamasutra” one of their primary goals.

Something I need you to understand is that it has, at this point, been two weeks.

Highlights from the next little bit: Alex Macris, a higher up at The Escapist’s parent company, expresses support for GamerGate; he will go on to write the first positive coverage at a major publication and cement The Escapist as GamerGate-friendly. Mike Cernovich, aka “Based Lawyer,” gets GamerGate’s attention by mocking Anita Sarkeesian; he will go on to hire a private investigator to stalk Zoe Quinn. GamerGate launches Operation Disrespectful Nod, an email campaign pressuring companies to pull advertising from websites that have criticized them. They leverage their POC members, getting them, any time someone points out the rampant racism and antisemitism among GamerGaters, to say “I am a person of color and I am #NotYourShield”; most of these “POC members” are fake accounts left over from a previous, racist disinformation campaign. Milo Yiannapoulos gets involved, writing positive coverage of GG despite having mocked gamers for precisely this behavior in the past, and gets so much traffic it pulls Breitbart News out of obscurity and makes it a significant player in modern conservative news media.

[Hey! Ian from the future here. This talk mostly addresses how GamerGate prefigured the Alt-Right strategically and philosophically, but if you want a more explicit, material connection: Breitbart News took its newfound notoriety to become, as its Executive Chair phrased it in 2016, "a platform for the Alt-Right." That Executive Chair was Steve Bannon, who threw the website's weight behind The Future President Who Shall Not Be Named, and, upon getting his attention, would then go on to become his campaign strategist and work in his Administration. So, if you're wondering how one of the central figures of the Alt-Right ended up in the White House, the answer is literally "GamerGate." Back to you, Ian from the past!]

In what I’m calling This Should Have Been The End, Part 2, Zoe Quinn announces that they have been lurking the #BurgersAndFries IRC channel since the beginning and releases dozens of screenshots showing harassment being planned and the selection of “ethics in games journalism” as a cover. #BurgersAndFries has a meltdown, everyone turns on each other, and the channel is abandoned. And they then start another IRC and things proceed.

It goes on like this. I’m not gonna cover everything. This is just the first month. It should be clear by now that this thing is kind of unkillable. And I worry I haven’t made it obvious that this is not just a chanboard and an IRC. Thousands of regular, every day gamers were buying the story and joining in. They were angry, and no amount of evidence that their anger was unfounded was going to change that. You could not mention or even allude to GamerGate and not get flooded with dozens, even hundreds of furious replies. These replies always included the hashtag so everyone monitoring it could join in, so all attempts at real conversation devolved into a hundred forking threads where some people expected you to talk to them while others hurled insults and slurs. And always the possibility that, if any one of them didn’t like what you said, you’d be the next target.

To combat this, some progressives offered up the hashtag #GameEthics to the people getting swept up in GamerGate, saying, “look, we get that you’re angry, and if you want to talk about ethics in games journalism, we can totally do that, but using your hashtag is literally putting us in danger; they calling the police on people saying there’s a hostage situation at their home addresses so they get sent armed SWAT teams, and if you’ll just use this other hashtag we can have the conversation you say you want to have in safety.” And I will ever stop being salty about what happened.

They refused. They wouldn’t cede any ground to what they saw as their opposition. It was so important to have the conversation on their terms that not only did they refuse to use #GameEthics, they spammed it with furry porn so no one could use it.

A few major events on the timeline before we move on: Christina Hoff Sommers, the Republican Party’s resident “feminist,” comes out criticizing Anita Sarkeesian and becomes a major GG figurehead, earning the title Based Mom. Zoe Quinn gets a restraining order against Eron Gjoni, which he repeatedly violates, to no consequence; GG will later crowdfund his legal fees. There’s this listserv called GameJournoPros where game journalists would talk about their jobs, and many are discussing their concerns over GamerGate, so Milo Yiannopoulos leaks it and this is framed as further “proof of collusion.” 4chan finally starts enforcing its “no dox” rules and shuts GamerGate threads down, so they migrate to 8chan, a site famous for hosting like a lot of child porn. Indie game developer Brianna Wu makes a passing joke about GamerGate on Twitter and they decide, seemingly on a whim, to make her one of the biggest targets in the entire movement; she soon has to leave her home as well. GamerGate gets endorsements from WikiLeaks, Infowars, white nationalist sites Stormfront and The Daily Stormer, and professional rapist RooshV. And hundreds of people get doxxed; an 8chan subforum called Baphomet is created primarily to host dox of GamerGate’s critics.

But by November, GamerGate popularity was cresting, as more and more mainstream media covered it negatively. Their last, big spike in popularity came when Anita Sarkeesian went on The Colbert Report and Stephen made fun of the movement. Their numbers never recovered after that.

Which is not to say GamerGate ended. It slowed down. The period of confusion where the mainstream world couldn’t tell whether it was a legitimate movement or not passed. But, again, most harassers faced no meaningful repercussions. Gamers who bought the lie about “ethics in games journalism” stayed mad that no one had ever taken them seriously, and harassers continued to grief their targets for years. The full timeline of GamerGate is an constant cycle of lies, harassment, operations, grift, and doxxing. Dead-enders are to this day still using the hashtag. And remember how Anita had nothing to do with ethics in games journalism or Zoe Quinn, and they just roped her in because they’d enjoyed harassing her before so why not? Every one of GamerGate’s targets knows that they may get dragged into some future harassment campaign just because. It’s already happened to several of them. They’re marked.

(sigh) Let’s take a breath.

Now that we know what GamerGate was, let’s talk about why it worked.

In the thick of GamerGate, I started compiling a list of tactics I saw them using. I wanted to make a video essay that was one part discussion of antifeminist backlash, and one part list of techniques these people use so we can better recognize and anticipate their behavior. That first part became six parts and the second part went on a back burner. It would eventually become my series, The Alt-Right Playbook. GamerGate is illustrative because most of what would become The Alt-Right Playbook was in use.

Two foundational principles of The Alt-Right Playbook are Control the Conversation and Never Play Defense. Make sure people are talking about what you want them to talk about, and take an aggressive posture so you look dominant even when you’re not making sense. For instance: once Zoe leaked the IRC chatlogs, a reasonable person could tell the average gater, “the originators of GamerGate were planning harassment from the very beginning.” But the gater would say, “you’re cherry-picking; not everyone was a harasser.”

Now, this is a bad argument - that’s not how you use “cherry-picking” - and it’s being framed as an accusation - you’re not just wrong, you’re dishonest - which makes you wanna defend yourself. But, if you do - if you tell them why that argument is crap - you’ve let the conversation move from “did the IRC plan harassment?” - a question of fact - to “are the harassers representative of the movement?” - a question of ethics. Like, yes, they are, but only within a certain moral framework. An ethics question has no provable answer, especially if people are willing to make a lot of terrible arguments. It is their goal to move any question with a definitive answer to a question of philosophy, to turn an argument they can’t win into an argument nobody can win.

The trick is to treat the question you asked like it’s already been answered and bait you into addressing the next question. By arguing about whether you’re cherry-picking, you’re accepting the premise that whether you’re cherry-picking is even relevant. Any time this happens, it’s good to pause and ask, “what did we just skip over?” Because that will tell you a lot.

What you skipped over is their admission that, yes, the IRC did plan harassment, but that’s only on them if most of the movement was in on it. Which is a load of crap - the rest of the IRC saw it happening, let it happen, it’s not like anybody warned Zoe, and shit, I’m having the cherry-picking argument! They got me! You see how tempting it is? But presumably the reason you brought the harassment up is because you want them to do something about it. At the very least, leave the movement, but ideally try and stop it. They don’t, strictly speaking, need to feel personally responsible to do that. And you might be thinking, well, maybe if I can get them take responsibility then they’ll do something, but you’d be falling for a different technique I call I Hate Mondays.

This is where people will acknowledge a terrible thing is happening, maybe even agree it’s bad, but they don’t believe anything can be done about it. They also don’t believe you believe anything can be done about it. Mondays suck, but they come around every week. This is never stated outright, but it’s why you’re arguing past each other. To them, the only reason to talk about the bad thing is to assign blame. Whose turn is it to get shit on for the unsolvable problem? Their argument about cherry-picking amounts to “1-2-3 not it.” And they are furious with you for trying to make them responsible for harassment they didn’t participate in.

The unspoken argument is that harassment is part of being on the internet. Every public figure deals with it. This ignores any concept of scale - why does one person get harassed more than another? - but you can’t argue with someone who views it as a binary: harassment either happens or it doesn’t, and, if it does, it’s a fact of life, and, if it happens to everyone, it’s not gendered. And this is not a strongly-held belief they’ve come to after years of soul-searching - this is what they’ve just decided they believe. They want to participate in GamerGate despite knowing its purpose, and this is what would need to be true for that to be ok.

Or maybe they’re just fucking with you! Maybe you can’t tell. Maybe they can’t tell, either. I call this one The Card Says Moops, where people say whatever they feel will score points in an argument and are so irony-poisoned they have no idea whether they actually believe it. A very useful trick if the thing you appear to believe is unconscionable. You can’t take what people like that say at face value; you can only intuit their beliefs from their actions. They say they believe this one minute and that another, but their behavior is always in accordance with that, not this.

In the negative space, their belief is, “The harassment of these women is okay. My anger about video games is more important. I may not be harassing them myself, but they do kind of deserve it.” They will never say this out loud in a serious conversation, though many will say it in an anonymous or irreverent space where they can later deny they meant it. But, whatever they say they believe, this is the worldview they are operating under.

Obscuring this means flipping through a lot of contradictory arguments. The harassment is being faked, or it’s not being faked but it’s being exaggerated, or it’s not being exaggerated but the target is provoking it to get attention, which means GamerGate harassers simultaneously don’t exist, exist in small numbers, and exist in such large numbers someone can build a career out of relying on them! It can be kind of fun to take all these arguments made in isolation and try to string together an actual position. Like, GamerGate would argue that Nathan Grayson having previously mentioned Zoe Quinn in an article about a canceled reality show counts as positive coverage, and since Grayson reached out to Quinn for comment it’s reasonable to assume they started dating before the article was published (which is earlier than they claim), and positive coverage did lead to greater popularity for Depression Quest. But if you untangle that, it’s like… okay, you’re saying Zoe Quinn slept with a journalist in exchange for four nonconsecutive sentences that said no more than “Zoe Quinn exists and made a game,” and the price of those four sentences was to date the journalist for months, all to get rich off a game that didn’t cost any money. That’s your movement?

And some, if cornered, would say, “yes, we believe women are just that shitty, that one would fuck a guy for months if it made them the tiniest bit more famous.” But they won’t lead with that. Because they know it won’t convince the normies, even the ones who want to be convinced. So they use a process I call The Ship of Theseus to, piece by piece, turn that sentence into “slept with a journalist in exchange for a good review” and argue that each part of the sentence is technically accurate. It’s trying to lie without lying. And, provided all the pieces of this sentence are discussed separately, and only in the context of how they justify this sentence, you can trick yourself into believing this sentence is mostly true.

So, like, why? This is clearly motivated reasoning; what’s the motivation? What was this going to accomplish?

The answer is nothing. Nothing, by design. GamerGate’s “official” channels - the subreddit and the handful of forums that didn’t shut them down - were rigidly opposed to any action more organized than an email campaign. They had a tiny handful of tangible demands - they wanted gaming websites to post public ethics policies and had a list of people they wanted fired - but their larger aim was the sea change in how games journalism operated, which nothing they were asking for could possibly give them. The kind of anger that convinces you this is a true statement is not going to be addressed by a few paragraphs about ethics and Leigh Alexander getting a new job. They wanted gaming sites to stop catering to women and “SJWs” - who were a sizable and growing source of traffic - and to get out of the pockets of companies that advertised on their websites - which was their primary source of income. So all Kotaku had to do to make them happy was solve capitalism!

Meanwhile, the unofficial channels, like 8chan and Baphomet, were planning op after op to get private information, spread lies with fake accounts, get disinformation trending, make people quit jobs, cancel gigs, and flee their homes. Concrete goals with clear results. All you had to do to feel productive was go rogue. In my video,

How to Radicalize a Normie, I describe how the Alt-Right encourages lone wolf behavior by whipping people up into a rage and then refusing to give them anything to do, while surrounding them with examples of people taking matters into their own hands. The same mechanism is in play here: the public-facing channels don’t condone harassment but also refuse to fight it, the private channels commit it under cover of anonymity, and there is a free flow of traffic between them for when the official channels’ impotence becomes unbearable.

What I hope I’m illustrating is how these techniques play off of each other, how they create a closed ecosystem that rational thought cannot enter. There’s a phrase we use on the internet that got thrown around a lot at the time:

you can’t logic someone out of a position they didn’t logic themselves into.

Now, there are a few other big topics I think are relevant here, so I want to go through them one by one.

MEMEIFICATION

So a lot of interactions with GamerGate would involve a very insular knowledge base.

Like, you’d say something benign but progressive on Twitter.

A gater would show up in your mentions and say something aggressive and false.

You’d correct them. But then they’d come back and hit you with -

ah shit, sorry, this is a Loss meme.

If I were in front of a classroom I’d ask, show of hands, how many of you got that? I had to ask Twitter recently, does Gen Z know about Loss?!

If you don’t know what Loss is I’m not sure I can explain it to you. It’s this old, bad webcomic that was parodied so, so, so many times

that it was reduced to its barest essentials, to the point where any four panels with shapes in this arrangement is a Loss meme. For those of you in the know, you will recognize this anywhere, but have you ever tried to explain to someone who wasn’t in the know why this is really fuckin’ funny?

So, now… by the same process that this is a comics joke,

this is a rape joke.

I’m not gonna show the original image, but, once upon a time, someone made an animated GIF of the character Piccolo from Dragon Ball Z graphically raping Vegeta. 4chan loved it so much that it got posted daily, became known as the “daily dose,” until mods started deleting every incident of it. So they uploaded slightly edited version of it. Then they started uploading other images that had been edited with Piccolo’s color scheme. It got so abstracted that eventually any collection of purple and green pixels would be recognized as Piccolo Dick.

Apropos of nothing, GamerGate is a movement that insists it is not sexist in nature and it does not condone threats of rape against the women they don’t like. And this is their logo. This is their mascot.

If you’re familiar with the Daily Dose, the idea that GamerGate would never support Eron Gjoni if they believed he was a sexual abuser is so blatantly insincere it’s insulting… but imagine trying to explain to someone who’s not on 4chan how this sweater is a rape joke. Imagine having to explain it to a journalist. Imagine having to explain it to the judge enforcing your abuser’s restraining order.

Reactionaries use meme culture not just because they’re terminally online but also because it makes their behavior seem either benign or just confusing to outsiders. They find it hilarious that they can be really explicit and still fly under the radar. The Alt-Right did this with Pepe the Frog, the OK sign, even the milk glass emoji for a hot minute. The more inexplicable the meme, the better. You get the point where Stephen Miller is flashing Nazi signs from the White House and the Presidential re-eletion campaign is releasing 88 ads of exactly 14 words and there’s still a debate about whether the administration is racist. Because journalists aren’t going to get their heads around that. You tell them “1488 is a Nazi number,” it’s gonna seem a lot more plausible that you’re making shit up.

MOVE FAST AND BREAK THINGS

Online movements like GamerGate move at a speed and mutation rate too high for the mainstream world to keep up. And not just that they don’t understand the memes - they don’t understand the infrastructure.

In an attempt to cover GamerGate evenhandedly, George Wiedman of Super Bunnyhop interviewed a lawyer who specializes in journalistic ethics. He meant well; I really wish he hadn’t. You can see him trying to fit something like GamerGate into terms this silver-haired man who works in copyright law can understand. At one point he asks if it’s okay to fund the creative project of a potential journalistic source, to which the guy understandably says “no.”

What he’s alluding to here is the harassment of Jenn Frank. A few weeks into GamerGate, Jenn Frank writes a piece in The Guardian about sexism in tech that mentions Anita Sarkeesian and Zoe Quinn. In another case of “here’s a strongly-held belief I just decided I have,” GamerGate says this is a breach of journalistic ethics because Frank backs Quinn on Patreon. They harass her so intensely she not only has to quit her job at The Guardian, for several months she quits journalism entirely.

Off the bat, calling a public figure central to a major event in the field a “journalistic source” is flatly wrong-headed. Quinn was not interviewed or even contacted for the article, they were in no way a “source”; they were a subject. But I want to talk about this phrase, “fund a creative project.” Patreon is functionally a subscription; it’s a way of buying things. It’s technically accurate that Frank is funding Quinn’s creative project, but only in the sense that you are funding Bob Dylan’s creative project if you listen to his music. And saying Frank therefore can’t write about Quinn is like saying a music journalist can’t cover a Bob Dylan concert if they’ve ever bought his albums.

And we could talk about the ways that Patreon, as compared with other funding models, can create a greater sense of intimacy, and we also could comment that, well, that’s how an increasing number of people consume media now, so that perspective should be present in journalism. But maybe it means we should cover that perspective differently? I don’t know. It’s an interesting subject. But none of that’s going on in this conversation because this guy doesn’t know what Patreon is. It was only a year old at this point. Patreon’s been a primary source of my income for 5 years and my parents still don’t know what it is. (I think they think I’m a freelancer?) This guy hears “funding a creative project” and he’s thinking an investor, someone who makes a profit off the source’s success.

The language of straight society hasn’t caught up with what’s happening, and that works in GamerGate’s favor.

In the years since GamerGate we have dozens of stories of people trying to explain Twitter harassment to a legal system that’s never heard of Twitter. People trying to explain death threats to cops whose only relationship to the internet is checking email, confusedly asking, “Why don’t you just not go online?” Like, yeah, release your text game about depression at GameStop for the PS3 and get it reviewed in the Boston Globe, problem solved.

You see this in the slowness of mainstream journalists to condemn the harassment - hell, even games journalists at first. Because what if it is a legitimate movement? What if the harassers are just a fringe element? What if there was misconduct? The people in a position to stop GamerGate don’t have to be convinced of their legitimacy, they just have to hesitate. They just have to be unsure. Remember how much happened in just the first two weeks, how it took only a month to become unkillable.

It’s the same hesitance that makes mainstream media, online platforms, and law enforcement underestimate The Alt-Right. They’re terrified of condemning a group as white nationalist terrorists because they’re confused, and what if they’re wrong? Or, in most cases, not even afraid they’re wrong, but afraid of the PR disaster if too much of the world thinks they’re wrong.

ACCOUNTABILITY AND CONTROL

A thing I’ve talked about in The Alt-Right Playbook is how these decentralized, ostensibly leaderless movements insulate themselves from responsibility. Harassment is never the movement’s fault because they never told anyone to harass and you can’t prove the harassers are legitimate members of the movement. The Alt-Right does this too - one of their catchphrases is “I disavow.” Since there are no formalized rules for membership, they can redraw boundaries on the fly; they can take credit for any successes and deny responsibility for any wrongdoing. Public membership is granted or revoked based on a person’s moment-to-moment utility.

It’s almost like… they’re cherry-picking.

The flipside of this is a lack of control. Since they never officially tell anyone to do anything but write emails, they have no means of stopping anyone from behaving counterproductively. The harassment of Jenn Frank was the first time GamerGate’s originators thought, “maybe we should ease off just to avoid bad publicity,” and they found they couldn’t. GamerGate had gotten too big, and too many people were clearly there for precisely this reason.

They also couldn’t control the infighting. When your goal is to harass women and you have all these contradictory justifications for why, you end up with a lot of competing beliefs. And, you know what? Angry white men who like harassing people don’t form healthy relationships! Several prominent members of GamerGate - including Internet Aristocrat - got driven out by factionalism; they were doxxed by their own people! Jordan Owen and Davis Aurini parted ways hating each other, with Aurini releasing chatlogs of him gaslighting Owen about accepting an endorsement from Roosh, and they released two competing edits of The Sarkeesian Effect.

I say this because it’s useful to know that these are alliances of convenience. If you know where the sore spots are, you can apply pressure to them.

LEADERS WITHOUT LEADERSHIP

One way movements like GamerGate deflect responsibility is by declaring, “We are a leaderless movement! We have no means to stop harassment.”

Which… any anarchist will tell you collective action is entirely possible without leaders. But they’ll also tell you, absent a system of distributing power equitably, you’re gonna have leaders, just not ones you elected.

A few months into GamerGate, Randi Lee Harper created the ggautoblocker. Here’s what it did: it took five prominent GamerGate figures - Adam Baldwin, Mike Cernovich, Christina Hoff Sommers, Milo Yiannopoulos, and Nick Monroe, formerly known as [sigh] PressFartToContinue - and generated a block list of everyone who followed at least two of them on Twitter. Now, this became something of an arms race; once GamerGate found out about it they made secondary accounts that followed different people, and more and more prominent figures appeared and had to get added to the list. But, when it first launched, the list generated from just these five people comprised an estimated 90-95% of GamerGate.

Hate to break it to you, guys, but if 90+ percent of your movement is following at least two of the same five people, those are your leaders. The attention economy has produced them. Power pools when left on its own.

This is another case where you have to ignore what people claim and look at what they do. The Alt-Right loves to say “we disavow Richard Spencer” and “Andrew Anglin doesn’t speak for us.”

But no matter what they say, pay attention to whom they’re taking cues from.

AD CAMPAIGN

George Lakoff has observed that one way the Left fails in opposition to the Right is that most liberal politicians and campaigners have degrees in things like law and political science, where conservative campaigners more often have degrees in advertising and communications. Liberals and leftists may have a better product to sell, but conservatives know how to sell products.

GamerGate less resembles a boots-on-the-ground political movement than an ad campaign. First they decide what their messaging strategy is going to be. Then the media arm starts publicizing it. They seek out celebrity endorsements. They get their own hashtag and mascot. They donate to charity and literally call it “public relations.” You can even see the move from The Quinnspiracy to GamerGate as a rebranding effort - when one name got too closely associated with harassment, they started insisting GamerGate was an entirely separate movement from The Quinnspiracy. I learned that trick from Stringer Bell’s economics class.

Now, we could stand to learn a thing or two from this. But I also wouldn’t want us to adopt this strategy whole hog; you should view moves like these as red flags. If you’re hesitating to condemn a movement because what if it’s legitimate, take a look at whether they’re selling ideology like it’s Pepsi.

PERCEPTION IS EVERYTHING

One reason to insist you’re a consumer revolt rather than a harassment campaign is most people who want to harass need someone to give them permission, and need someone to tell them it’s normal.

Bob Altemeyer has this survey he uses to study authoritarianism. He divides respondents into people with low, average, and high authoritarian sentiments, and then tells them what the survey has measured and asks, “what score do you think is best to have: low, average, or high?”

People with low authoritarian sentiments say it’s best to be low. People with average authoritarian sentiments also say it’s best to be low. But people with high authoritarian sentiments? They say it’s best to be average. Altemeyer finds, across all his research, that reactionaries want to aggress, but only if it is socially acceptable. They want to know they are the in-group and be told who the out-group is. They don’t particularly care who the out-group is, Altemeyer finds they’ll aggress against any group an authority figure points to, even, if they don’t notice it, a group that contains them. They just have to believe the in-group is the norm.

This is why they have to believe games journalism is corrupt because of a handful of feminist media critics with outsized influence. Legitimate failures of journalism cannot be systemic problems rooted in how digital media is funded and consumed; there cannot be a legitimate market for social justice-y media. It has to be manipulation by the few. Because, if these things are common, then, even if you don’t like them, they’re normal. They’re part of the in-group. Reactionary politics is rebellion against things they dislike getting normalized, because they know, if they are normalized, they will have to accept them. Because the thing they care about most is being normal.

This is why the echo chamber, this is why Fox News, this is why the Far Right insists they are the “silent majority.” This is why they artificially inflate their numbers. This is why they insist facts are “biased.” They have to maintain the image that what are, in material terms, fringe beliefs are, in fact, held by the majority. This is why getting mocked by Stephen Colbert was such a blow to GamerGate. It makes it harder to believe the world at large agrees with them.

This is why, if you’re trying to change the world for the better, it’s pointless to ask their permission. Because, if you change the world around them, they will adapt even faster than you will.

THE ARGUMENT ISN’T SUPPOSED TO END

Casey Explosion has this really great Twitter thread comparing the Alt-Right to Scary Terry from Rick and Morty. His catchphrase is “you can run but you can’t hide, bitch.” And Rick and Morty finally escape him by hiding. And Morty’s all, “but he said we can’t hide,” and Rick is like, “why are we taking his word on this? if we could hide, he certainly wouldn’t tell us.”

The reason to argue with a GamerGater is on the implied agreement that, if you can convince them they’re part of a hate mob, they will leave. But look at the incentives here: they want to be in GamerGate, and you want them not to be. But they’re already in GamerGate. They’re not waiting on the outcome of this argument to participate. They’ve already got what they want; they don’t need to convince you GamerGate isn’t a hate mob.

This is why all their logic and rationalizations are shit, because they don’t need to be good. They’re not trying to win an argument. They’re trying to keep the argument going.

This has been a precept of conservative political strategy for decades. “You haven’t convinced us climate change is real and man-made, you need to do more studies.” They’re not pausing the use of fossil fuels until the results come in. “You haven’t convinced us there are no WMDs in Iraq, you need to collect more evidence.” They’re not suspending the war until you get back to them. “You haven’t convinced us that Reaganomic tax policy causes recessions, let’s just do it for another forty years and see what happens.” And when the proof comes in, they send us out for more, and we keep going.

The biggest indicator you can’t win a debate with a reactionary is they keep telling you you can. The biggest indicator protest and deplatforming works is they keep telling you in plays into their hands. The biggest indicator that you shouldn’t compromise with Republicans is they keep saying doing otherwise is stooping to their level. They’re not going to walk into the room and say, “Hi, my one weakness is reasoned argument, let’s pick a time and place to hash this out.”

And we fall for it because we’re trying to be decent people. Because we want to believe the truth always wins. We want to bargain in good faith, and they are weaponizing our good faith against us. Always dangling the carrot that the reason they’re like this is no one’s given them the right argument not to be. It’s all just a misunderstanding, and, really, it’s on us for not trying hard enough.

But they have no motivation to agree with us. Most of the people asking for debates have staked their careers on disagreeing with us. Conceding any point to the Left could cost them their livelihood.

WHY GAMES?

Let’s close with the big question: why games? And, honestly, the short answer is:

why not games?

Games culture has always presented itself as a hobby for young, white, middle class boys. It’s always been bigger and more diverse than that, but that’s how it was marketed, and that’s who most felt they belonged. As gaming grows bigger, there is suddenly room for those marginal voices that have always been there to make themselves heard. And, as gaming becomes more mainstream, it’s having its first brushes with serious critical analysis.

This makes the people who have long felt gaming was theirs and theirs alone anxious and a little angry. They’ve invested a lot of their identity in it and they don’t want it to change.

And what the Far Right sees in a sizable collection of aggrieved young men is an untapped market. This is why sites like Stormfront and Breitbart flocked to them. These are not liberals they have to convert, these people are, up til now, not politically engaged. The Right can be their first entry to politics.

The world was changing. Nerd properties were exploding into popular culture in tandem with media representation diversifying. And we were living with the first Black President. Any time an out-group looks like it might join the in-group, there is a self-protective backlash from the existing in-group. This had been brewing for a while, and, honestly, if it hadn’t boiled over in games, it would have boiled over somewhere else.

And, in the years since GamerGate, it has. The Far Right has tapped the comics, Star Wars, and sci-fi fandoms; they tried to get in with the furry community but failed spectacularly. They’re all over YouTube and, frankly, the atheist community was already in their pocket. Basically, if you’re in community with a bunch of young white guys who think they own the place, you might wanna have some talks with them sooner than later.

Anyway, if you want to know more about any of this stuff, RationalWiki’s timeline on GamerGate is pretty thorough. You can also watch my or Dan Olson’s videos on the subject. I’ll be putting the audio of this talk on YouTube and will put as many resources as I can in the show notes. The channel, again, is Innuendo Studios.

Sorry this was such a bummer.

Thank you for your time.

#video essay #alt-right playbook #Youtube

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myhaikyuuacademia · 3 years

Text

Zemo x Reader [pt 2]

Part 1 Summary: hurt comfort, worried reader, bed sharing (no smut) Warnings: none that I can think of, Zemo gets injured by Walker throwing the shield at him lol, swearwords Notes: I just had to continue their story oml, this is so sappy and fluffy

It had been a few days since you and Zemo confronted your feelings. You’d been sneaking glances and lingering touches since then, but Bucky and Sam rarely left you a chance to do anything more. The three of them were going to Mama Donya’s funeral to try and convince Karli to stop hurting innocent people, but they had been gone for longer than you thought they would. Sam and Bucky didn’t want you with them, convinced they could handle it themselves. Zemo probably didn’t mind you staying at home either, safe from any potential danger. You grew restless. Surely, talking to Karli couldn’t take that long?

Something must have happened. The decision was made: you were going out to check on them. You didn’t think of the fact that you didn’t even know what direction they went, much less where the funeral was held. All you were thinking about was their safety. But before you could even get up, the door opened and Sam and Bucky came through the door, beat up, and carrying an unconscious Zemo. ‘‘What the hell happened?!” You stood up from the couch to give them a place to lay Zemo down. ‘‘Walker happened.’‘ Sam growled. ‘‘Jesus...’‘ you sighed, making your way over to the kitchen to grab some towels, wetting them and then going back to the couch Zemo was passed out on. You were trying your best not to show how worried you were, but still couldn’t stop yourself from caring for him. ‘‘Aw come on, really? He won’t die.‘‘ Sam remarked when he noticed you kneeling down beside Zemo. ‘‘Yeah, you could have at least brought us some too.’‘ Bucky added. You turned around to face the two guys apparently moping at the fact that you didn’t bring them a bandaid for their boo-boos. ‘‘Are you unconscious? No? Then you can take care of yourselves.’‘ Without another comment you turned back around and started taking care of the wound on Zemo’s forehead. You cleaned the already dried blood from his face, carefully, trying not to hurt him. Once you were satisfied with your work you got up to put the dirty towel away and get some bandaids and ice for his head. By now Sam and Bucky were carefully observing you, done with cleaning themselves. ‘‘You seem awfully worried about him.’‘ Sam commented, right as you placed the ice on his head. ‘‘Again, he is unconscious. Plus, don’t we need him for something? That’s the whole reason he is even out of prison. Not to mention I’m a nice person, if any of you were unconscious I’d do the same.’‘ You got up to face Sam and Bucky. ‘‘I don’t think he has any medicine. Or food. Can you go get some? I’ll babysit.’‘ Reluctantly the two men made their way to get the needed stuff. Which left you all alone with Zemo once again. A groan alerted you the fact that Zemo was waking up. You rushed over to him, kneeling down beside him once again. ‘‘Darling, what did I miss?” His voice was rough, the accent even more prominent right now. A relieved chuckle left your mouth, if you weren’t so worried about accidentally hurting him you would be kissing him. ‘‘Walker knocked you out with his shield apparently.’‘ His hand reached up to the bag of ice, mostly melted by now. ‘‘Oh sorry, is that too cold? I can put it away.’‘ You cursed yourself for sounding so worried. He just smiled, ‘‘It’s okay. You cared for me?’‘ You smiled, ‘‘Of course.’‘ He reached out for your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours, before closing his eyes in pain and exhaustion again. ‘‘Thank you.’‘ With a soft expression you reached down with the hand not holding his, to gently push a strand of hair out of his face, your fingers barely ghosting over his skin, in an effort not to hurt him. You kept sitting like this for a few more minutes, silent, just being in the moment. Grateful he was okay. When Bucky and Sam came home with several crinkly plastic bags full of food and first aid kits, you were sitting on the same couch as Zemo, who had pulled his legs closer to him to allow you some space, reading a book. Careful to keep a distance that the two avengers wouldn’t question upon their return. ‘‘Food!” You put the book down with a big grin on your face, ecxited at the prospect of something to eat. “Any ideas on what you want to cook? We brought something of pretty much everything.” Bucky directed the question at you. “What are you talking about? I’m not cooking.” You furrowed your brows. ‘‘Well Bucky here can’t cook, and I am way to exhausted, but I am totally good at cooking just saying. ” Something about Sam’s statement made you doubt that he was a good cook. “I’m a terrible cook. Why did you expect me to cook?” Before the two could do any more than make grimaces and shrug, Zemo interjected. “Not to flatter myself, but I am quite good competent when it comes to cooking.” “Yeah right, as if we’re gonna let you cook.” Sam squinted his eyes. “You’ll probably poison us or something.” You snorted. ‘‘I don’t think we have any other choice, at least a death by poison is quicker than a death by starvation.’‘ You shrugged, indifferent. You didn’t even notice at first, it was honestly a little embarassing how long it took you to realise, but you’ve practically been glued to Zemo’s side the whole day. Where he went, you went. Once you realised, you just hoped that Sam and Bucky didn’t pick up on it. Currently he was preparing the food, cutting vegetables, and you were standing on the other side of the isle, head propped up on your hands with your elbows resting on the cool surface. You were watching him intently. He smirked, not oblivious to your eyes on him and your clinginess. Standing a few feet away from you was Sam, who had been watching you critically for a few minutes now. Apparently he noticed too. ‘‘Why are you looking at him like that?” You turned around, blinking, “like what?”. “You’ve been staring at him ever since he started cooking.” He stated. Bucky joined him now, taking the few steps that had seperated them before to stand next to his colleague. You mustered your best mock confusion. “Just trying to make sure he doesn’t poison us.” You half-joked, trying to deflect. Bucky shook his head, ‘‘You’ve been following him around all day, like a lost puppy.’‘ “Not true.” You just said. “You have.” Zemo chimed in. You turned around to him, dumbfounded. ‘‘Ugh shut up.” Sam looked at the two of you quizzically. “Are you two sleeping together?” You choked on your spit. “What?!” You turned around to face him again. Bucky seemed surprised too. “Sam, I don’t think she would.” He tried mediating. “Just look at her, the way she’s been acting since we came back, tending to his wounds, following him around, staring at him - without a break - for what must have been like 15 minutes.” Sam argued. “You know what? Maybe I’ll just sleep with him tonight, just to fuck you off.” Your words laced with venom, you looked at him defiantly, before walking past him, grabbing your shoes and phone and walking through the front door. “So you haven’t slept together?” He called after you, leaving you to slam the door in annoyance. Bucky was about to follow you when Zemo spoke up. “Just leave her be. I think she wants to be alone right now.” He turned to Sam. “No, we have not had sex.” Then he just went back to preparing the food, leaving Bucky to sigh and fall onto the couch and Sam to run a hand through his face.

You were back in time for dinner, thanks to a quick message from Zemo. Most of the time eating was spent in a tense silence. Zemo tried to lighten the mood once or twice with some jokes or funny observations he made, but to no avail. In the end you all went to bed super early to avoid the weird atmosphere. Soon you found yourself standing in front of the door to Zemo’s bedroom though. You hesitated, before softly knocking on the heavy, wooden door. A faint “come in.” made you open the door slowly, not to make any noise and startle the other inhabitants of the safehouse. You closed it behind you with just as much care. “Are you here to “fuck off Sam”, princess?” He asked, amused and clearly joking. “Yeah, totally, 100%.” you said, the sarcasm obvious. You made your way over to the bed he was currently reading in. “May I?” you gestured to the bed, asking him if you were allowed to join him. He simply nodded, before continuing to read. You climbed into bed, covering yourself with the blanket and scooted as close as possible to the baron lying next to you. Head on his shoulder, reading along with him, just enjoying being able to be this close, to touch him. He soon closed the book and put it on the nightstand next to him. Wrapping his hands around you he placed a gentle kiss on your forehead. You were content, laying in his arms like this. Right now, you didn’t want to think about all the possible outcomes of this, most not having a happy ending for the two of you. Right now you just wanted to enjoy this moment. You held him, not daring to let you go, and he held you, not letting you slip away to an uncertain future. A/N: at this point this might as well just become a series,,, no promises but a part 3 might be planned as well- Taglist: @ajeff855 @heyassbutt05 @lowkey-love-loki

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saberstars · 3 years

Text

I'm Here

Pairing: Gender Neutral Y/N & Loki

Fluff, angst, implied smut

Warnings: Mentions of depression/mental illness, epilepsy/seizures, mentions of sex, as always if I missed anything feel free to let me know

Summary: Loki & You have a pre-existing friendship with benefits & one night you have a seizure after some spiciness. He cares for you helping you afterwards & makes sure you rest easy & safe. Reader is portrayed to have seizures more so during changes in sleep phases, not awake. The wake seizures or more of a medium ish absence/ focal aware seizure that only occur on occasion & can be “fought” through.

Word Count: 1796

Notes: This was intended to be a gender neutral reader. I think I removed all he/she pronouns.

Additionally, I know that not everyone experiences seizures the same way, and that epilepsy can affect people differently. This is all written from my experiences with it, so I ask that you do not tell me I portrayed something wrong. I can and will accept constructive criticism, But I will not accept someone telling me blatantly that I am wrong with my experiences. Therefore please keep that in mind when reading. I genuinely hope this fic brings others comfort if you suffer from epilepsy or any disorder that causes seizures. Thank You <3

It’s been three years since you found out you suffered from epilepsy. A diagnosis that came late in your life to be fair. As a young child up until you reached adulthood, you suffered from eye shakes that would eventually turn into stuttering spells that made it difficult to breath or not breath properly at all. You never passed out though, you got close a few times, but you managed to stay awake and “fight it off.” You started to notice over time that you’d also get a strange taste in your mouth, almost like metal or as if you were sucking on a battery and it had that zing flavor. You knew that was a precursor and would panic on cue rightfully so. You hated when you had your mini stutter fests because all you could do was hope it didn’t happen.

Of course you complained to your parents as a child but they didn’t think it was anything. They said it was just a panic attack. So you took their word for it. That was until you started having grand mals in your sleep. At first you thought they were just a part of some strange dream, that wasn't real to you, not yet anyway. You would wake up exhausted, sore, sometimes unable to move properly, walk, open and close a fist, and you just overall couldn't stay conscious sometimes. Again you complained to your parents about it, but they said it was nothing. You probably had night terrors or some form of minor sleep paralysis. So you dumbly believed them.

When you moved out, You sought answers, and eventually got them. You were grateful. The medication they prescribed helped tremendously though, it did make you tired but it was worth not having your episodes. Thankfully your case wasn’t as severe as others and it was manageable so long as you took care of yourself and took your medications. Though you were warned, breakthroughs were common, and missing your dose can and would cause a seizure.

Despite having such a diagnosis, you kept it to yourself. You never really told anyone. It wasn’t until you started sleeping with a friend, that you finally divulged your secret too in the event that it ever happened whilst they were with you.

It was someone you randomly slept with on and off with. A friend with benefits, his name was Loki. You had met the god shortly after his father had passed and his home, destroyed. You found comfort with each other despite it being more of a sexual comfort. You both used sex as a way to fight your own demons, a distraction, a quick grab at serotonin. Despite the sex you both developed a very deep friendship. You’d read together on occasion, have very interesting debates on current events, history, as well as other nuances, and a lot of other things. You even met his brother and the avengers at one point.

You both slept soundly after spicy events had taken place 2 hours prior, Loki had come over desperate for attention of any kind. He didn’t say why, but you knew it was a rather serious topic he wished not to discuss and rather lessen the pain with ecstasy. Little did you know, on this day a few years ago he indirectly murdered his mother. He blamed himself dearly, he knew if he would have kept his mouth shut for once in his life she may be here today. So he needed a genuine distraction. One of any kind. Preferable you. Due to the spicy events that took place you missed your dose, due to falling asleep promptly after, which cost you dearly. Missing doses always caused this to happen no matter what.

You gasped for air like usual, your body contorting outwards first with a thrust. You were awake, conscious, and terrified for the few seconds you normally were given before blacking out. You began to stutter violently all the air leaving your lungs as it happened. Until no sounds were made and it was just you chattering. Loki woke immediately, with a completely calm exterior despite a raging mixture of emotions internally. He knew you never called an ambulance for these things because you were normally alone & unaware until you became conscious again. She made him promise to never call 911 unless it was over a certain time length, to save her medical expenses, or unless she stopped breathing for good.

Loki dare not touch you though as you shook and curled up. The last thing he wanted was his godly strength to crush you somehow or cause you more pain. Instead he watched and hovered until you finally stopped. It was a short 50 second one, which was under your time limit, but he still debated calling. It’s not like You would’ve known he lied.

His breathing hitched as he went to check your pulse and airway, ever so delicately, which were both clear and strong.

“Oh thank you.” he whispered

A few hours had slid by with still no response from you. Loki sat next to you, staring down at you, to the point where he would fight the urge to blink, waiting for a stir of some kind from you. He did give the courtesy of redressing you though, in a nightgown from a drawer after an hour slid past. He even went as far as ensuring that you were adequately covered by the blankets to avoid being chilled. It has been 3 ½ hours now, with no stir of any kind from you. He knew it would be awhile before you showed any signs of movement possibly but this worry tore him to his core. In the midst of waiting he refused to just idly go back to sleep next to you, he was determined to stay awake until you were conscious again, so that you knew, he stayed there waiting for you. Loki didn’t know when he found himself talking to you as if you were awake, but all he knew was that it made him feel a bit better, and he hoped that when you woke it would make you feel better too.

“You know, I’ve been reading this really dumb gothic romance novel. I think you’d like it because of how naive the girl is. I know you like to criticize and pick on how they make decisions.” he spoke with a chuckle in his voice thinking back to how you’d flail your arms and drop your book to scream about how dumb some main protagnist could be.

“I'll have to buy you a copy or give you mine when I’m done.” Loki shifted his weight from his right to his left brushing your bangs out of your eyes.

“I don’t know why you keep those so long, all they do is get in the way of your gorgeous eyes.”

It was in that moment you rustled, you shifted your neck ever so slightly, Your eyelids twitch. Loki leaned forward parting his lips as he watched with a heart of hope completely overwhelmed with joy when he saw the color of your iris’s. He exhaled a shaky breath cupping your cheeks which caused you to flinch sending a wave of shocks through your body. It was at that moment you knew. You knew what he saw, what he had gone through. Your heart sank and you immediately berated yourself internally despite your exhausted state.

“It’s ok you don’t have to say or do anything. I’ll stay, I’ll take care of you for as long as you need.” Loki assured you, wanting you to know that you didn’t have to go through this alone. You never really had anyone stay, let alone worry about you. Your eyes began to water as tears rolled down your face.

“I’ll go grab you some water, you’re probably parched. I’ll also grab you a banana. I read that potassium can help with the cramping.” Loki said leaving to yourself for a moment. He also grabbed tissues for your eyes and nose just in case. Upon returning her placed everything at your side offering help to sit up. “Do you need to use the bathroom or help sitting up?” He asked with a gentle tone.

You nodded trying to take a good deep breath so you could speak a bit. “I’m so sorry you had to see that… but thank you. Thank you for staying, for helping. I do need the bathroom and I would appreciate help. My legs are still...” you mustered out with all your might but after a point your tongue refused to work with you.

“Of course, I may be a monster but I’m not entirely cruel. If it helps… you can just think to yourself and I can listen that way. So that you're not struggling too much.” Loki admitted with a tone of self depreciation.

“You're not a monster just because you're different & have made mistakes.” you thought as Loki picked you up bridal style walking you to the bathroom. Of course he placed you down on the toilet and waited outside for you to do what you needed. Since he had only added a nightgown to your previously naked body it made things easier. It was exhausting to just sit up and do everything but you pushed through. You even pushed yourself up and limped to the sink best you could to wash your hands. Upon hearing the faucet though Loki came back in standing behind you offering support if needed.

“Catch me~” you thought before falling back into his arms with a snort.

“You're lucky I have godlike reflexes you minx.” He replied with a hint of flirtation. You had used more than you had in you to wash your hand. Loki caught you obviously and carried you back to the room placing you back on the bed. “No, more like I knew you were ready to catch me.” you slowly thought as exhaustion tugged at your consciousness again. Loki noticed the pill bottle on your dresser before prompting you to take it. Instinctively opening it and sliding one into his hand.

“You should probably take this before you fall asleep.” You took it mentally saying thanks drinking the glass of water with it.

“Yeah that would probably help avoid some added breakdancing.” You joked trying to use humor to lighten the situation. Loki stared plain faced trying not to entertain your joke though, despite finding it secretly witty. Maybe he’d laugh at it when you felt a bit better. Soon after you began to dance between awake and sleep. Loki took note based on how your thoughts jumbled around between multiple things, laughing to himself a bit before minor intrusive fears began picking at you. Loki immediately jumped into action in an attempt to squash them soothing you a bit.

“You can sleep soundly, please get some rest. You don’t have to force yourself to stay awake out of fear or guilt.” Loki spoke in the most caring and sweet tone he could muster up. Trying to convince you that it was going to be ok & it worked. Somehow you knew he was right & that you could trust him completely. You drifted back to sleep peacefully thinking about how for the first time in your life, you didn’t fear sleeping in your bed. You didn’t have intrusive thoughts about whether or not you’d wake up in the morning or not. Which honestly brought tears bubbling their way up and out of Loki's eyes. The amount of trust you had in him in your thoughts, at that moment completely took his breath away. And that was something he wasn’t going to break or ever lose.

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voiceless-terror · 3 years

Note

I’m bad at prompts so I have an aesthetic vibe for a fic: dusty library, silver glasses, warm blanket, hot tea, cold voices.

Jon wants to get Martin’s attention. Daisy and Melanie have an unusual plan.

“I think he’s made it quite clear that he doesn’t want to talk to you.”

“I need...I need to make sure he’s okay. Daisy’s already tried and well, you-”

“Absolutely not.”

“Exactly.”

Jon sighed. He needed to trust Martin, he knew this. But how could he, when he faded more and more each day? When Jon couldn’t reach him, couldn’t know he was safe? He needed to touch him, make sure he was still solid, still there. That Jon still cared. And if Jon could just break through-

“He won’t let me talk to him. And I don’t know what to do.” The words came out more plaintively than he would’ve liked. Melanie gave him an unimpressed look, Daisy leaned back on the couch. He didn’t know why he’d suddenly decided to confess his feelings to these two, perhaps it was the leftover alcohol in his system from their afternoon drink. Basira was off on another lead and Daisy needed the distraction. They all did. And now they were back at the office, bored and lethargic, Jon dodging the paper balls Melanie lazily tossed his way.

“You’ve got to do something,” Daisy drawled, idly picking at her nails. “To get his attention. You’ve got to make him come to you.”

“I don’t know how to do that,” Jon groaned in frustration. “If I did, I would’ve done it already.”

“Wait.” Melanie sat up straighter, a wicked gleam in her eyes. “I know exactly what to do.” Daisy and Jon shared a glance as she broke into a smirk.

“And Martin won’t be able to resist you.”

____________

“Is this really necessary?” Jon asked, flinching back as Melanie applied the pink-coated brush to his cheek. “It seems a bit excessive.”

“Stop moving. And yes, if you want to look the part.” Melanie wielded the makeup brush like a weapon as Daisy followed with a critical eye. “Does he look pathetic enough?”

“Hmm.” Daisy leaned forward, uncomfortably close to Jon’s face. “I think he needs a bit more. Just a pinch.”

“Agreed.”

“This is ridiculous,” Jon snarked, leaning away from Melanie’s hands. “I don’t know why I agreed to this. It’s not going to work.”

“You agreed to this because you know it’s going to work,” Melanie insisted, dipping the brush in the compact. “Trust me, Martin won’t be able to resist doting on you if you look properly ill. When I came here the second time ‘round, he hovered outside the door the entire time. “Do you need anything, Jon? Can I get you some tea? Are you feeling alright?”

“That’s not what he sounds like-”

“That’s exactly what he sounds like,” Daisy smirked, settling back into the couch. “If you don’t like the makeup, we can always go with option two-”

“I am not letting Melanie punch me, thank you very much.” She still harbored a lot of residual (and rightful, in his opinion) anger from the surgery incident, and he wasn’t willing to be the outlet for it. “How do we know he’ll even see me?”

“He goes down to the library every Wednesday, sneaks in and out real quiet-like,” Daisy repeated for the third time. “Trust me, I know his patterns.” There was still some Hunt in her yet, no matter how much she starved it. Listen to the quiet. He didn’t say it aloud, but from the look in Daisy’s eyes he didn’t need to. “We’ll set you up there. Don’t worry, he won’t be able to miss you.”

“Whatever you say,” he grumbled, batting away Melanie’s hand. “Are you done yet?” She evaluated him with a scowl.

“That should do it.” She shut the compact with a definitive snap. “I was going to add a bit of purple eyeshadow under the eyes, but that might be overdoing it. You already look like a zombie.”

Daisy nodded appreciatively. “Powder did the job. God, Melanie. You’re a pro.”

“Thank you,” she preened as Jon rolled his eyes. “Now, for the finishing touch!” She leaned forward, yanking the scrunchie out of his hair and ignoring his yelp with an air of satisfaction. “Perfect!”

“I fail to see why that was necessary!” His head ached from the sudden pull on his hair, which was now falling down his shoulders in a tangled, ruffled mess. God, I must look insane. He lifted a hand to put it in some semblance of order when Melanie grabbed at it, stopping him in his tracks.

“No, you’ll ruin it!” she snapped. “Martin likes it when it’s down.”

“How do you know that?”

“God, he really is oblivious,” Daisy said with a disbelieving chuckle. “I may have only visited a few times, but even I saw the way he stared at you whenever you so much as touched your hair. It was sickening to watch.”

“C’mon, we’ve got to get you settled. We have to time this perfectly.” Melanie gestured impatiently for him to get up. “Daisy’ll take you up. I’ve got to grab something.” Jon didn’t trust her but in all honesty, what did he have to lose? The things we get up to when Basira’s gone...though I suppose this is significantly better than the Coffin Incident.

Daisy took his arm, leaning on him for a bit of support as they made their way up to the library. To anyone else it would look the opposite, that he was the one relying on her- Daisy was good at hiding her weakness. “There’s a couch by the front desk,” she murmured as they rounded the corner. “It’ll be right in his line of vision.”

“What if he isn’t paying attention?” Jon worried, watching as the other staff studiously avoided their gaze, side-stepping them in the hallway. The Archives were truly toxic, and no one wanted to anger the heavily-scarred, scowling Archivist and his rabid ex-cop friend. For the first time in his life, Jon was intimidating. He didn’t like it.

“He always pays attention to you,” Daisy insisted. “He just doesn’t want you to see it.” The words put a lump in his throat. He wondered if they were true. He opened his mouth to reply when Melanie scurried up behind them, her arms full of-

“No.”

“Yes.” Melanie pushed into him, impatiently urging them forward. “Trust me, it’ll work.”

“I am not-” He was cut off by a surprisingly strong push from Daisy, landing him on the couch with an ‘oof.’ Melanie threw the offending object around his shoulders- a fluffy pink blanket Jon recognized from its place on Basira’s cot. He tried to worm his way out of it but Melanie gave him a sharp slap on the arm, ignoring his hiss of pain. He looked around, wildly embarrassed by the entire situation to find that the room was strangely empty, which was surprising for the time of day. I suppose everyone’s trying to avoid us these days.

Daisy froze, her eyes narrowing and posture straightening. “He’s coming.”

Melanie swore, running around the corner and coming back with an old, heavy tome she'd snatched off the nearest shelf. She grinned, an almost manic thing that Jon instinctively leaned back from. “The final touch,” she said proudly, not waiting for his answer as she opened the book with a flourish, flipping the pages in front of his face like a fan. He flinched back, utterly confused.

“Melanie, what on earth are you-”

_______

Martin heard him before he saw him.

The scurrying of feet across the hardwood was strange enough, but Jonathan Sims sitting on the library’s best couch, sneezing into a fluffy blanket and looking bleary-eyed and very exhausted was even stranger. Well, not the exhausted part. That was Jon’s normal state of being.

But there he sat, wrapped in Basira’s fluffy pink blanket with a flushed face, messy hair, and an ashen pallor that could only come from sickness. Martin had seen it before, back when he lived in Document Storage and Jon was working himself into the ground, much like he was doing nowadays. He felt that pang of worry that accompanied those long nights in the Archives, something he was trying desperately to tamp down.

Working for Peter was infuriating and isolating, just as it was supposed to be. He was constantly reminding himself that it was for the greater good, that he was doing something important, protecting his friends. Protecting Jon. But how could he protect him when he kept finding Martin, even though he promised to trust him? How could he protect him when he kept throwing himself headlong into any danger he could find? How could he protect him, when his biggest enemy was himself?

Another sneeze. Jon looked almost confused by it, maybe even offended that it happened. It made him want to smile, an urge he fought down as he tried to remember Peter’s promise to keep them safe if he kept his distance. He hazarded one last glance, sure that he wasn’t in Jon’s line of sight that he noticed one last detail- Jon’s sweater. Incredibly baggy, worn, light blue knit- a color he’d never seen on him before.

Martin’s sweater. And with that, he found himself walking over to Jon almost involuntarily, steps loud and purposeful as they startled Jon from his perch on the couch. And when Jon noticed him he smiled, so bright and happy and obviously extremely out of it if he was having this reaction to Martin. His face really did look flushed up close- he must have a fever, especially if he wandered up here in this state. Martin successfully resisted the urge to feel his forehead.

“M-Martin!” God, how could he not talk to Jon, when he said his name with such happiness? He fought to keep his voice level and cool as he responded.

“Jon. What are you doing up here?” Jon’s smile dimmed slightly, and Martin tried not to feel guilty. He did not succeed.

“I, um-” Jon stuttered, his usual sign of nervousness as he ran a hand through his hair. His hair, that was mused and tangled and falling in his face. Fuck. “I w-was reading.” He struggled to pick up a particularly heavy-looking book from where it sat on the couch next to him, its title obscured from Martin’s view. “It was getting, er, a bit stuffy down in the Archives.”

A red flag if Martin ever saw one. They rarely left the Archives these days, unless it was for a quick lunch and even then, Jon had to be dragged out bodily. He sighed, trying not to meet Jon’s pleading eyes. And still, he couldn’t help but ask. “Are you...okay?”

Jon looked down to his lap, the blanket half slipping off his shoulders as he fidgeted with his hands. Martin looked pointedly away. “Not feeling very well,” Jon murmured to the ground, looking strangely nervous, maybe even guilty. That didn’t make sense. He must be really ill, if he’s actually admitting to it. Martin hesitated, fighting between what he should do and what he really, really wanted to do. The cold evaporated just a little and Martin had never felt so seen.

He missed that.

And so, less reluctantly than he would have liked, he extended a hand down to Jon, who looked at it in shock. “C’mon. Let’s get you back downstairs, I’ll make tea.” Make tea. His solution for everything, he remembered Tim deriding. But Jon looked at him like he’d offered much, much more than that. Maybe he had. The hope in his eyes was too much to bear. So when Jon put a thin, scarred hand in his, he looked away, even as he helped him to his feet.

To his disdain and delight, Jon immediately leaned into his side, as if trying to leech warmth that Martin couldn’t provide. In fact it was now Jon who was the warmer of the two- the Eye would not accept the chill of the Lonely, and the fever probably didn’t help. He was like a touch-starved cat looking for a crumb of affection, and god did he want to give it to him. If it were the Martin of a year ago he would have blushed, stammered, maybe even squeezed him back. Now he can only offer him the shoulder, nothing more.

Jon didn’t say anything more than a muttered thanks as they made their way down to the Archives, as if he were afraid of spooking him. More than one staff member they saw stared; Martin had been AWOL except for a few official emails, and was now suddenly the assistant to the head of the institute. To see him with the dreaded Head Archivist must have been even more of a shock. He felt pity- what a pair we make.

By the time they arrived at the archives, Jon had leant almost all of his weight against Martin’s side, making it difficult to maneuver them both down the stairs. No one was there, and he wanted to scold the other three, wherever they were, for leaving Jon to wander in his condition. I’ll fix him tea, get him on the cot and then I’ll go, he promised himself.

Easier said than done.

He barely managed to pry Jon off of him, and only with the promise to return with a cup of tea did he let go. Never in his wildest daydreams did he imagine Jon to be this clingy, hanging off him like a limpet. As he made his way to the break room he drew the Lonely back to him like a security blanket, albeit a cold one. You can’t stay. You have to go. He looked blankly around the room he used to think of as a safe haven; it was no longer familiar, different mugs on the table, different food in the cupboards, a bag of makeup on the counter. He no longer had a place.

Jon was sitting up on the cot when he arrived back, cup of tea in hand. He pointedly didn’t meet his eyes as he handed it over, staring at his feet and ignoring Jon’s thanks as he turned to leave. Go go go-

“Wait!”

Damn it.

He turned. “What is it, Jon? I have to-”

“Will you stay?” His face was so open, so vulnerable it made Martin ache with longing. “Just- just for a bit.”

Martin sighed, trying to maintain his stoic façade. “You know I can’t.”

“I miss you.”

“Jon-”

“I know, I know,” Jon replied, voice going quiet. He thought dying would harden the man, but it only seemed to soften his sharp edges. “I’m sorry.” He held the mug between his hands, staring down like it was something precious.

“It’s fine,” Martin replied, though they both knew it wasn’t.

“Will you stay if I don’t talk?” Jon leveled that hopeful gaze at him again and Martin looked up to the ceiling for divine intervention that wouldn’t come.

“Jon-”

“Please.” He was begging. His eyes were bright, whether from tears or the fever Martin couldn’t discern. But what was he to do, say no? Not when he was like this, not when he was sick. Martin made excuses, none of them particularly convincing even to himself and they certainly wouldn’t be to Peter, but it didn’t matter. He’d already made his choice as soon as Jon said the word.

“Okay. For a bit.” That smile again. Jon said nothing as Martin tentatively sat beside him on that small, rickety cot. He would only stay for a bit, until Jon fell asleep. He had no one to look after him, after all. He would go back up and face Peter later.

For now, he let Jon rest his head against his shoulder. He let his fingers rise of their own accord and brush the hair from Jon’s face, eliciting a shiver. When he fell asleep, Martin didn’t move. He needs the rest. So he sat, reveling in the warm, heavy weight of everything he’d given up, everything he stood to lose, and knew he made the right decision.

Much later, when he’s faced Peter’s disappointed gaze and a mountain of extra work, he notices the strange, powdery cast on his sleeve from where Jon had laid his head. When he rubs at it, his fingers come back with hints of pink and white. It takes him a moment to put the pieces together- the footsteps in the library, the absence of Daisy and Melanie, the makeup on the counter. He wants to roll his eyes, wants to be angry.

Instead, for the first time in months, he laughs.

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28581141

#my writing #prompt fill #tma #the magnus archives #jonmartin #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #daisy tonner #melanie king #season four #lil bit of fluff lil bit of angst #i apologize if this wasn't what you were looking for but the idea grabbed me and i couldnt let go lmao #balanced-to-a-tea

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apple-but-sour · 3 years

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Do you have any thoughts on the whole Techno killing Tubbo at the festival shebang?

I don't fully know all the details, and I know that you're very much one of the sources or die type people, so I was interested to hear what you'd say about it.

Obviously Techno says that he did it due to peer pressure, which, well, a dictator telling you to do something plus a load of voices screaming for blood in your head constitutes some pretty damn strong peer pressure, but for me just brushing it off as peer pressure always felt as though it was downplaying it. It *was* peer pressure, but at the same time did Techno ever go as far as to explain to say Tubbo or anyone else fully about it? It felt a lot like just a welp, it was peer pressure, yup. Nothing more to say about it. Not gonna acknowledge those long term after effects.

Because it's something that I see c!Tommy bringing up a *lot*, especially in the doomsday vod, about the whole "don't forget about the past now" thing, but... it always felt a little unfair of him to blame Techno for Tubbo's death fully there. Yes of course, he pulled the trigger, but Schlatt was the one ordering it.

So that's essentially what my ask is about - was there any other option for c!Techno there? I've seen arguments before saying that he could have chosen not to, but are they valid? Because it feels as though it's more of c!Tommy steering away from addressing Techno's points and tunnel visioning on it.

I suppose I wonder if it's similar to the Techno spawning the original withers situation. The way that I see that event was that Techno really didn't do that much damage by spawning the two withers? Wilbur did a lot of the damage, but since Wilbur was dead Quackity tunneled on blaming Techno and making him pay, a price that I think he would have made Wilbur pay had Wilbur not died. I can't help but wonder if Schlatt was alive he would be the one being blamed for Tubbo's death, or if Tommy would still completely blame Techno for the situation.

TLDR; was it Techno's fault? Does Tommy have a leg to stand on in regards to that?

And a side note: I generally believe that Techno has been justified in his actions, but the one thing that I do think he could do is acknowledge the after effects of his actions on Tubbo. Not necessarily apologise for killing him, but the one thing I don't like is that Techno can sometimes brush off consequences of actions. Like in prison expecting, albeit perhaps jokingly, for Quackity to have just moved on after he killed him. In this specific situation I feel like Techno never acknowledged that Quackity was the one pulling a lot of the strings in L'manburg. I feel it's a little unfair for him to only tar Tubbo with the "government" brush and view him as nothing more than the government, but I suppose that that is just because Tubbo was the president; one would expect that he'd be in charge of making his executive decisions, not letting other people make them for him.

Anywho, sorry this dragged on, it's just something that I've been thinking about lately.

I am so exhausted of talking about the Red Festival so I am not gonna answer this one in detail. My stance on the Red Festival is that the only one to blame for Tubbo's death is Schlatt and by blaming anyone from Pogtopia people kind of give Schlatt what he wanted, which was to saw dissent in the ranks of his enemies. Technoblade felt like he couldn't escape the situation with him and Tubbo alive due to his limited knowledge of the server and his unfamiliarity with his own weapons, and so he didn't attempt to. End of story. Whether his perception of the situation was accurate or not doesn't matter here.

I must say I don't like the "a load of voices screaming for blood in your head constitutes some pretty damn strong peer pressure" argument of it because 1) the voices weren't introduced into the story at that point 2) the violence-inducing aspect of Techno's voices is an ableist trope that I prefer not to bring into analysis unless it's explicitly stated to affect canon. The peer pressure came from the crowd the majority of whom seemed to agree with Schlatt (that's what it seemed like to Techno, at least), not from Schlatt himself or the voices.

However, you bring up some interesting ideas, especially how Technoblade downplays the way he hurt others sometimes. I think that's an actual issue he has. And I do think that part of the reason the Butchers went after Technoblade is that Wilbur, the bigger culprit of November 16, was out of their reach. Although there are a lot of other motives that go into the execution which I won't get into here.

But you also mention some things I strongly disagree with.

"...I feel like Techno never acknowledged that Quackity was the one pulling a lot of the strings in L'manburg" it was impossible for Techno to know that. Even Philza, who was a resident of L'Manburg, wasn't aware of it because he wasn't part of the cabinet. Technoblade was a complete outsider unaware of the cabinet's inner workings, so I don't think it's unfair of him to not consider the possibility that Tubbo's decisions weren't entirely his own. You can't acknowledge something you're unaware of.

I don't think c!Techno "viewed c!Tubbo as nothing more than the government" either. Look at this quote for example:

I’m not saying everyone in L’manburg's a bad person. Tubbo? He might be a nice guy. The problem is that government, power corrupts. You see what Tubbo’s done? Ever since he became president? He’s cast you aside. He’s abandoned his friends. Just to protect his own power.

He didn't view Tubbo as government, it's just that he only disliked Tubbo for his role of president. So of course when he criticizes the guy who executed him, he's going to focus on the fact that he's the head of state, because Techno doesn't think Tubbo executed him out of inherent evilness or something, but because it's what his power made him do.

And that's my piece.

#apple answers #anon #c!technoblade critical #long post

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marimagines · 3 years

Text

Strawberry Cigarettes

Between - Fuckboy!Jimin X You Genre - Fluff, angst, and smut [in the future parts] Words - 25,743 [wow] Summary - After a long day, you get a phone call from your best friend who was drunk and sitting at the diner at the end of your street because of her issues. You didn't have a choice but to go and check up on her and drop her home where she's safe but, you didn't know there would be that new worker that had caught your eye. Your drunk friend's loud mouth and her words is what pushes you to actually talk to that guy even if you don't know who he really is. And that's the start of something.

Linked to the story Love - A Dreadful Bond

This story is a background of the Jimin character from the story Love - A Dreadful Bond.

A/N - Okayyy so this is my attempt to post after 2 years to get myself out of my writers block!! 2 Yearsss!! I had been writing this since 2018 ahaha and now i managed to complete part one.. whew. I sincerely apologize to those who had been waiting for my posts and writing.. hopefully i can achieve posting and writing more and getting out of this writers block.. Life is hard huhuhuh but we will all get through it.. Hope you all like this!!

This story was inspired from Strawberries & Cigarettes by Troye Sivan

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Part 1

You walk into your apartment and sigh out with the exhaustion from the long day of classes and never ending errands. Dropping your keys on the kitchen counter as you walk past it to reach your living room area where the couch looked unbelievably comfortable than before to plop yourself onto the soft and cozy seat. You groan out when your phone vibrates on the table and pick up to see the caller ID and frown at why she's calling now. "Hello?" "Heyyyyy," your best friend, Ailee, sings from the other line. She sounded drunk. "I'm alone-i-come here okay? I'm at you know where?" To others, she might've not made sense but to you, she was making perfect sense at why she was drunk and where she was at. "Come quick!" Her scream causes you to flinch and you pull away the phone when she ends the call. You knew where she was already so you get up while whining out loud even though no one could hear you and drag yourself out as quickly as you could. You were worried if she'd leave thinking that you're not coming since she had done that several times and ended up either in someone else's house, nothing under the worst case scenarios though, or she would end up in another bar or banging at your or your other friend's door. But during days like these, she would always end up at the cafe at the end of your street. It was like a cafe and a diner since their interior reminded you of those diners you see in movies, with their cushioned seats and tables in the middle of the soft seats. That area was separated by a half wall and on the other side were normal round tables and the accompanying chairs you'd find in any cafe. The place did serve things like sandwiches and sometimes they'd have special days when they would actually sell full meals but usually it’s just the basic cafe/diner menu. To you, it was a cafe so you were surprised when you realized that they had a refrigerator with beer and soju even though there weren't any in the beginning. Until you later found out that it was mostly for Ailee and it made you roll your eyes. She was a regular at that place since she lived near it too but on the other side of it, opposite from yours. You would find her there almost all the time for breakfast, lunch, sometimes dinner if she hadn't eaten anything throughout the day. You, on the other hand, weren't a regular but you were known there as Ailee's best friend and also as someone who is mostly there especially when your friends or friend is there. You were there maybe 3 times a week but Ailee was there almost 6 times a week. At first you had thought it was because Ailee might've had a crush on someone there but in reality it was mostly their food and their service. Even the workers there were friendly and to you and her, they were familiar and just like friends as well. You both knew almost all the workers, by name if not personally since there weren't many. The place is actually owned by a lady in her late 50s and she had her two sons, Kim Jongdae who was the older one and Kim Jongin, the younger one, working with her and two other employees. You were more close to Jongin since you had noticed how he possibly had a crush on Ailee and also because he was closer with Ailee too. He was caring and always there for your friend when you couldn't be and he was really nice overall. He is a really fun person to be around and you could trust him. Ailee had no clue since she was already attached to someone else even though that guy wasn't looking for a relationship. Ailee and her 'man', Young Do, were just friends with benefits; fuck buddies in your opinion and you knew it was affecting Ailee. Jongin knew too and you both always lectured her over the same issues every month at least. So when she called you right now, already drunk, you knew it must be about Young Do again.

You walk into the cafe and eyes widen at huge group sitting by the window, taking up almost all the seats in this side. You walk past that area to where you'd usually seat near the counter, on those softer seats. Ailee was there too, head hung low while her hand held up the little shot glass. A sigh leaves your lips once you take a seat opposite to her and stare at her state. You knock at the table to let her know of your presence since she was pretty oblivious to it. Her body jumps a little and she looks up with her half closed eyes, trying to focus on you. "Ya!" You hiss at her sudden scream and shush her. "Do you-you k-know," a hiccup stops her from speaking and she ends up smiling at you. She was really drunk at this point. "I called you hours ago! What took you so long?" "You called me 10 minutes ago," you answer her silently while watching her pour another drink for herself. "You know what?" She says before gulping down the drink in one go. "Me and Young Do had a f-fight." "Why am I not surprised?" You roll your eyes but look at her in shock when she throws a tissue at you. "Don't interrupt me!" She screams at you while moving her hand to cover your mouth. "I told him he can't take his anger on me," Ailee whines out mid-sentence and itches her head before sipping straight from the soju bottle in front of her. You look at the other 6 empty ones and shake your head in disappointment and frustration, and even worry inside at the fact that she might even doze off any minute. "He left! I told him to leave if he can't handle and that fuc-" "Can I get you something, ma'am?" Your attention diverts to the new voice that came from the figure who stood next to your table. You look up at the new face and your heart jumps at his beauty. He had deep, yet small and thin eyes somewhat like a slight dripping shape. His lips were full and really plump and perfectly proportional that you actually thought what it'd be like to kiss them for a millisecond. You look at his face for a while then clear your throat while looking away then back at him. "Umm, just water please," you smile at him and then watch him turn around but you could have swore you saw him smile or smirk. Were you too lost and obvious with studying his features? You shake your head to get yourself together but once you look up, your eyes follow his steps and you catch yourself staring at him. You could see the veins popping out on his arms where he had rolled up his sleeves of the white shirt. "Ya," you turn your attention back to Ailee and try not to look back at the boy who had caught your attention like no one had ever could. "What are you-" "You should end it with your Young Do, Ailee. Seriously. Look at you," you scold her and give her a disgusted look after. "That's what I've trying to tell her for months," you smile at the guy who took a seat next to Ailee. "How are you, Jongin oppa?" He smiles at you and turns to look at Ailee who was still drinking. "Aish, look at you," Jongin criticizes Ailee as he frowns at her state. "Get yourself together." "You guys are supposed to be consoling me! Not- don't yell at me!" Ailee screams out, making both of close your eyes and frown at the pitch of her tone. Jongin flicks her forehead causing Ailee to hiss at the stinging feeling. "You're the only one screaming here," you sarcastically comment and look back at the crowded table on the other side, hoping her screaming wasn't annoying them. A guy from the other table calls out for someone and Jongin taps at your table, letting you know he's leaving. "They're having a party tonight and Jongdae isn't here today so I got my friend to fill in for him instead. I'm sure you met him?" He quickly says and gets up to run to the table. You shake your head as you smile at how he called his older brother with his name only. Realizing Jongdae's absence, you sit up straight and look around to see how it was only the new guy and Jongin working and Jongin's mother was probably inside the kitchen preparing the food and drinks along with the another worker. Ailee curses out loud as her bottle finishes for the seventh time and she screams out for someone to come to your table. "Excuse meeee~" you stare at her and her state. She was never this kind of girl who would get drunk over a guy but this Young Do guy had played with her feelings. You were sure if she actually thinks about it, she doesn't really have feelings for him either. They just need each other for desires and needs; nothing more. You watch her and hope she'd get over this guy and not go back to him again. Your chest clenches when you see the cute guy walk towards your table with the water you had asked for and to serve another soju bottle for Ailee. "Sorry for bringing this in late," his voice was so sweet and melodic it made your heart melt. You whisper a small 'it's okay' to reassure him in case if he was nervous or worried for being late. "Ya, I miss him," Ailee speaks up as you turn to look at her and miss watching the guy walk back to wherever it is he goes to. "Shut up, Ailee. The first thing we're doing tomorrow is getting you over him." You give her a death glare when she scoffs at you. ~~ "Hyung, who's that?" Jimin asks his friend while leaning against the kitchen counter as he stares through the huge window-like opening in the wall, it made it easier for the chefs to put the order so the waiters outside don't have to keep coming into the kitchen. It separated the kitchen and the cafe outside the kitchen and right now, it was an easy way for him to look at the table as he leaned against the counter, his eyes stuck on the two girls sitting there. One of them was drunk and had been there for quite some time, finishing up bottle after bottle but Jimin's interest was on the girl who came later. The one who seemed more on the good girl list. His eyes and his curiosity were on you. "Hey, don't even think about it." Jongin warns Jimin with a stern tone and a gaze as he was busy putting plates of food on a tray to take to the only other table that was rather crowded. Jimin tilts his head to the side to get a better view of you and a smirk creeps onto his lips as the thoughts and ideas in his head run wild. He was definitely checking you out and he made sure to make it as obvious as he could, if only you'd look to his direction. Your friend yells out and that gives Jimin the cue to go to your table again. He grabs a bottle of water and soju before making his way towards your table. He smiles at both of you and puts the water in front of you. "Sorry for bringing this in late," he speaks softly and notices that innocent glow in your pure eyes. "It's okay," you answer almost immediately but in a low voice. It almost made his heart jump, almost. He smiles as he leans towards the friend and puts the soju in front of her already drunken state. Walking back, Jimin makes sure he does it slow in attempt to listen to your conversations. He walks around the counter and chooses to stay behind the counter instead of going back into the kitchen. Plus he had a better view of you from here. Since Jongin was serving the other table, all Jimin had to do was serve yours because Jongdae and the other two employees weren't here today. Jimin takes out his phone as he rests his elbows on the counter to lean forward a little. He could hear you and your friend talk from here so it was all good. From the words you were saying, he wrote down a mental note that you were probably smart. His favorite. His eyes kept moving in your direction as he tries to take glances of you every now and then, hoping you'd look. You were shy too, he noticed and it caused him to smile softly but he made it look like he was smiling at his phone when he noticed your friend looking at him. "Ya, he's cute." The friend starts speaking without looking away. Your eyes open wide and you look for a second at Jimin but look back at your friend while turning her head away. He could see that pink shade that was creeping on your cheeks right now. Cute. He thought to himself and licks his lower lip before biting it while holding a smile. "Ailee, stop. You're being so obvious," you mumble at her comment and hiss when she complains and give her a glare that Jimin picks up on too. You were either nervous or embarrassed. "He's checking you out," Ailee confirms way too loudly when she picks up on the continuous stares and it causes Jimin to look up at both of you and makes eye contact with you for a second or two. "Stop woman," you whisper while trying to take the bottle from her. "He probably has a girlfriend." Jimin tries to hide that smile that was threatening to come out and coughs out while looking away, trying to make it look like he didn't just hear what you said. His soft moment ends when Jongin walks over to him and motions him to go into the kitchen with his index finger in the air. Rolling his eyes, Jimin follows his best friend into the kitchen as he pushes the pale blue door open and stands with his arms crossed in front of his chest while looking at Jongin who seemed annoyed. "What is it?" He questions him so they don't waste time. "What do you think you're doing?" Jongin crosses his arms over his chest too and raises an eyebrow. Jimin frowns at the questions, trying to act oblivious to his friend's question. "Don't think I don’t know that look Jimin. They're my friends, not some girls you can have fun with," Jongin lectures and watches Jimin scoff. "Hyung, I didn't do anything." The younger denies with a smirk while raising his hands up in the air. "I'm just in awe at your pretty friends. That's all." "Don't even-you know what, stay here. Don't even go near that table." Jongin holds Jimin by the shoulders and turns him around to make him sit at the counter while his friend follows his order well and sits on the counter with a smug look. At least he could see you from here. Park Jimin was known as the fuckboy in his university grounds and he took pride in it. With his breathtaking looks to his sweet, angelic voice and his toned and well-built body, any girl he had tried to hit up with always ended up following him and doing whatever he'd ask them to do. He was also said to be the definition of 'looks can be deceiving' and a lot of people agreed to it. His brothers in the dormitory weren't against it nor were they supporting him in this since they had all fucked up once or twice. Jimin always had a thing for a challenge but sadly most girls were just too easy that he almost thought about giving up and settling on one girl only, but then again... almost. He wasn't happy with coming here to work for one of his close friend but upon seeing you, he actually had a change of mind. Also since the cafe wasn't crowded like usual he had all the time and space he needed to check you out all he wanted and maybe ask for your number later... You were arguing with your friend, who Jimin picked her name rather easily, Ailee and he figured what was probably the issue. It had him wondering how many girls actually ended up like this girl because of him. He stares at how you tried to take the bottle away from your drunk friend and whine at her when she doesn't comply. A little laugh leaves his lips when he finds it cute and interesting at how you still attempt even after failing. He quickly looks away when your head rises, searching for him or Jongin as your hand raises up. "Excuse me," you speak up while looking around for someone to walk up to your table. Jimin knew he had to go but he stared behind him to look at Jongin busy plating up the food for the other table. "Hyungnim~" he speaks up in a singing tone while smiling smugly. "Pretty table needs something." "Ya, can you go please? I'm kinda busy with this," Jongin asks without looking at him. "I don't know, should I?" Jimin plays with his hyung, knowing it would annoy him. A smirk curves on his lips when Jongin stops doing what he was doing and turns to gaze at Jimin. Bingo. "I mean, you said not to do anything, especially not go near that table. So I don't think I ca-" "Alright, fine. Go." He interrupts with a growl and an annoyed expression. "You're so fucking annoying and stubborn. Do whatever you want." "Okayyy~" he sings out, satisfied with the permission to have things his way. Jimin looks at you and notices you staring at him too. He smiles as he jumps off the counter and walks out the kitchen. ~~ You stare at how worse Ailee's condition was getting and she was speaking complete nonsense, even to you they made no sense right now. As you try to snatch the bottle away from her for the fifth time, she resists and her grip tightens each time and it scared you that she'd actually break the glass if she squeezes it more. Your head was somewhere else though, ever since Ailee pointed out that the cute waiter was checking you out, it made you want to look and confirm it but you were too shy to even look at him for more than a minute. You saw him follow Jongin into the other side of the kitchen and he didn't come back out even after Jongin kept taking trips in and out of the kitchen. You ponder if he'll always work here or if he was just a substitute for Jongdae. If he was a new employee, you wouldn't mind coming here everyday and being a new regular customer at this place. You get pulled out of your thoughts when Ailee whines as her glass drops on the table and spills the drink over it. You quickly put tissues over the fluid and try once again to take the bottle from her before she makes herself worse but she still fights back. Giving up, you sit up straight and look at the other table, the people almost left since only three were there so maybe Jongin could help you with this. Or the new guy. "Excuse me," you chant softly and look towards the opening that gave a view into the kitchen and saw the new guy sitting on the counter. He turns his head as he was conversing with someone, probably Jongin, and completely ignores you. You frown at the action, trying to get his attention again you try to speak up again but see him smile at you and jump off the counter. He strides towards you with an unreadable look on his face and gives you another smile once he reaches the table. He just raises an eyebrow in question and waits for you to speak. You clear your throat before speaking. If Ailee wasn't cooperating with you then you had no choice but to ask for help. "Can you please take these away?" You point at the bottles that were spread in front of your friend. He nods at you and walks over to the counter to grab a round tray. He starts with picking up the empty ones and it gets painfully quiet so you decide to ask something... stupid. "Umm," you start slowly and notice how he slows down his pace of working. "Did she... drink all of this?" You beat yourself up in your head for asking something so stupid and obvious but he smiles instead. "Yes," his eyes were still glued to the table as he reaches for the bottle next to Ailee. You notice how Ailee was eyeing him and that was probably making him uncomfortable. "Do I take all of them away?" He asks once he's done picking and cleaning up and stares at you with round, glossy eyes. You nod before speaking. "Yes, please. All of them." He reaches for the bottle that was in your friend's hand but she pulls her hand back and it causes them both to look at one another. You kick Ailee's leg under the table, causing her to let go of the bottle and rub her leg. You hand him the bottle quickly before she reaches for it again. You hand it to him as he whispers an apology to Ailee, threatening a smile to break through on your lips. "Where's Jongdae-oppa?" Ailee stutters out, finding it difficult to speak due to the intake of all the alcohol. Before he speaks, he leans back to stand up straight and gives a small smile. "Hyungnim couldn't make it so Jongin asked me to help out tonight." His voice was so smooth and soft. You wanted to hear him speak all the time if that's how he really sounds all the time. His aura was a mixture of good and bad. The rolled-up sleeves and the way his jaw clenches and that smirk with those wandering eyes that go up and down your body, studying as much as he could from it. "Can you please bring the bi-" you speak up but get cut off from Jongin when he talks behind the cute guy. "No need for that," he smiles at you while he stands next to the other guy. "It's on the house... or, I'll just make her pay tomorrow." You laugh at his words but stop as you notice the cute guy stare at you with a smile plastered to his face too. Clearing your throat, you brush your hair back, straightening them down smoothly before getting up slowly, hesitantly. "Well then, I guess I'll take her home before she snaps again. Are you done for tonight?" You look at Jongin, trying with all your willpower to not look at the other guy who was eyeing you shamelessly. Jongin nods before answering you and looks at the empty, messy table where the other group was having their feast. "I just need to clean up that table, take her out for now. I'll be out in a while." He adds quickly and pats his friend's back to get him back to work too. They both walk away from the table, leaving you staring at Ailee hopelessly. This will be hard. Every time she got wasted like this, it always turned into a hassle to get her to walk. Sighing, you tie your hair back and push your phone into your pocket before reaching for her upper arm as you lift her body up. She groans lowly while she tries to stand on her feet and moves with your help despite her body's refusal by turning her limp. You put her arm around the back of your neck and grab her by the waist as you squirm when she leans against your neck while making weird lewd noises. "Ailee, you gotta help me out here." You point out to her but of course she probably didn't even comprehend it properly as she runs her hand over your face sloppily. You move your head back as far as you could and let out an annoyed noise. "Do you need help?" The new worker comes up and suggests as he was fixing his rolled-up sleeve. He still had a soft smile on his face and it wasn't helping in calming your heart down. "Uhh... y-yeah," you stutter out as his eyes were glued onto yours. "Yes please. Thank you." You thank him quietly and he moves right away. He grabs her other arm gently and does the same as you, wrapping it around his nape and shoulder, keeping it there. He moves to grab her waist hesitantly but stops and smiles instead. "Let's go?" He says gently and gestures you to move first. The two of you walk slowly and reach the entrance but stop when Jongin calls you from behind. "Hey, take my keys. I'll take her home." He runs towards you three and pulls out the keys, jingling in his hand as he passes them to his friend while giving him a straight face. Once he leaves to go back to work, the other guy, you wished you knew his name, looks at you then outside. "It's raining outside," he notes as his eyes stay glued to the view outside. "I have an umbrella... wait." His tone was soft yet it seemed so demanding to you, making you bite your lips in nervousness. You watch him run back into the kitchen, coming back in a few seconds with a black umbrella in his hand. He gives you a small smile and it makes you ponder why was he even being so nice, having met you just half an hour ago. Maybe he was just being friendly and you were the one getting way too distracted in this situation. Opening the door of the restaurant, you notice it was raining lightly, not too light nor too heavy. He opens up his umbrella with his hands outside and puts it above his head and you two, while he helps you take Ailee to Jongin's car. You walk outside and suddenly realize that you didn't even bring a jacket to warm you up as the chilly air hits your skin through your hoodie. The awkward atmosphere was getting too much to ignore too as the three of you walk silently and slowly. You clear your throat before saying anything so your voice doesn't disappoint you by cracking or anything. "Thank you for this," you look at him with a smile as your head tilted to see him on the other side of Ailee. You notice he wasn't even under the shade the umbrella provided because you and Ailee had taken up the space mostly. A feeling of guilt builds up in you as you notice the white shirt sticking to his body as the raindrops land onto him. He must be cold too... "It's okay," that angelic voice. Your heart melts at how it was so soft yet so deep but in that perfect tone. "You don't know where Jongin hyung parked his car right?" You frown at the way he mentions Jongin. Was he younger? "Hyung?" You stop, making him stop and look at you with a light frown as confusion begins to show at his face. "You're younger than him?" You didn't want to sound that shocked but it was obvious you were. "Yeah. A year younger," he smiles widely, his eyes closing and making your heart jump and skip beats at how adorable he looked. "How old are you?" "I'm 22." "So I don't think I need to speak formally, do I?" He starts with a smug look and a raised eyebrow, making you giggle lightly. "Whatever makes you comfortable," you answer. Why was he so hot? You clear your throat and start walking again before things get awkward. Amidst your thoughts, you suddenly realize you don't even know his name but before you could even speak again, you're interrupted by him when he stops in front of the black car. "Here it is," he announces before opening the passenger door quickly hence keeping the umbrella up your heads to keep the two of you dry. As you help Ailee into the car, she suddenly looks up and smiles at you. You knew she'd do this... it's happened more than a dozen times so you knew she'd snap awake any moment. "Oh, (Y/N)." She blurts out as her hand caresses you face roughly. You pull away from the touch and help her with the seatbelt. "Stay still." You command lightly and smile at her when she raises her arms up in an attempt to "help" you with the belt. You pull her arms down once you’re done and slowly back away to straighten up. "Jongin oppa will be taking you home now okay?" "Oh," she points at the guy who was staring at her then you. "I don't remember Jongin being like..." you face palm yourself in embarrassment and push her hand away to stop her from pointing. You freeze when you hear him laugh out, his head thrown back and a huge smile on his lips. You couldn't help but smile at his cuteness. "I'm Jimin... Park Jimin." He looks at you as if answering your unasked question and you smile at him shyly. "(Y/N), and this is Ailee." Unintentionally, you bite your lip and push a hair strand behind your ear. It probably looked weird, you thought. "You're hot. Oh... She's single," your eyes widen at Ailee's bluntness and a shade of pink covers up your cheeks as you stare at her in shock and embarrassment then at Jimin, who was eyeing you with an unreadable look. "She's also a good kisser. Have you seen her lips?" "Okay, I think you should rest. Bye." You nervously interrupt her and close the door with her inside the car. You look over at Jimin and bite your lower lip again and your heart flutters when you notice his eyes on them. "Uh... sor-sorry about that," you chuckle out as the nerves kick in. "She just says whatever when she's like that. Don't mind her." "It's okay, I'll make sure to remember those two details about you," he remarks lowly as he walks closer to stand under the umbrella too. The sound of the raindrops hitting against the umbrella above the two of you gave you a very dramatic background audio, making you even more anxious. Especially after his last remark. You look down as you try to come up with something to say but sigh in relief when you hear Jongin from behind Jimin. "Hey, is she still passed out?" He asks breathlessly as he tries to cover himself up with his jacket. "No, she woke up now... be careful." You warn him and laugh when you see him shake his head and let out a defeated sigh. "Thanks... ah Jimin-ah, you have to stay and clean up the kitchen remember." You watch the two converse and frown at how Jimin had his jaw clenched at the order. "Yeah okay." He says in a low voice while he gestures you to start walking once Jongin gets in the car. "I was going to drop you home... it's not nice to just let a girl walk back alone like this." He says as his free hand sticks out from underneath the umbrella to feel the rain, that had calmed down a little from before. You blush at his words again and turn down his offer to walk you home as nicely as possible. The two of you walk back to the café with a small conversation about each other. He's in college too, not the same as yours though. A bummer, you think. He's a literature major, just like you; loves to draw and dance and sometimes party. You listen contently and so does he. Of course neither of you open up completely since the walk and the talk was small and basic. He lives in a dorm with six other guys who are apparently like his family, according to him. Cute. You wonder how he actually is without being all polite and nice since you two had just met. Too early to think that right? But you just wanted to know more and more about him the more you listen to his voice or see his beautiful smile. A pout appears on your lips when you see the familiar glass door of the cafe and come to realize this is where you two part ways and will probably not see each other again. You sigh lightly once he stands in front of you, leaning against the door behind him. "Well, I guess I better go then. It was nice talking to you and..." you pause for a while when you see him lick his lips before biting them lightly. Clearing your throat, you continue. "And, thank you for helping and for," you point at the black umbrella above your head. "For the shade." "No problem," he smiles sincerely as he straightens up his posture. "Here, take it home for now. You can't walk without an umbrella. I would walk you but I have work left," he says as his hand raises, his thumb sticking towards the cafe. Your insides crash against one another at his caring act and you reach up to hesitantly take the umbrella from his hand. Your fingers touch lightly and you quickly feel how warm and smooth they feel, making you what to hold onto them a while longer. You must be going crazy right now. "You can return it later when we meet." He adds when you don't speak. "Oh... So this isn't goodbye?" "Absolutely not. You have my umbrella. Of course I'll need it back..." you giggle at his sarcasm and shake your head. "And then we can start from there too." He smiles again, giving you another set of skipped heartbeats to deal with. "Thank you," you look down before walking back into the pathway. "Goodnight Park Jimin." You say before you start towards your home. "Goodnight, (Y/N)." He says from behind you. You continue taking small steps away from the store but pause when you hear him again. "Oh and..." you look behind you as he was leaning against the wooden pillar of the entrance. You raise your eyebrow when he doesn't say anything. "...I don't have a girlfriend." He smiles smugly when you realize what he was referring to. Your comment that you had made in there. Blood rushes to your cheeks at his comment as nervousness builds up and you bow down quickly before looking away in embarrassment. Your feet save you by starting the quick pace back towards your home as your ears pick up a small chuckle leave his lips and the opening of the door. You walk into your apartment and lock the door before walking into your bedroom. Plopping onto the bed, you stare at the ceiling and replay everything that had happened just a while ago. From going to Ailee to seeing Jimin and just checking him out to actually talking to him and now here you were. In your bed, with his umbrella still in your hand and with that promise to meet again soon. And... he's single. You blush as the last remark he made comes back to your head and you kick your legs up in the air as you squeal out. You felt embarrassed yes, but deep down that fast rhythm of your heart was trying to tell you something else. "You can't just fall for him. He's just a crush. Just. A. Crush." You lecture yourself once you sit up after your behavior and keep repeating the words. Shutting your eyes tightly, you sigh out before grabbing your phone to text Ailee. She needed to hear something and you were going to say it. Were you mad at her for the embarrassment and those words of her? Yes. Did it hurt you? No. But you wouldn't be feeling this or would have this umbrella in your hands if it wasn't for her. Scrolling down the chats, you spot her name right away and click on it, typing right away. You [9.50pm]: you're one lucky bitch. You smirk to yourself before setting your alarm for a new day tomorrow and hoping to not show to much appreciation to Ailee over this. You close your eyes and try to get yourself to sleep without having to think too much about Jimin. ~Jimin's point of view~ He was standing outside in the cold, breezy weather as his thumb scrolls through all the posts in the apps. He had tons of messages to check too but he chose to ignore those, just like always. He runs his hand through his hair as he looks up and around in hopes of finding a familiar car. When nothing happens in the quiet street, he sighs out in frustration. How long was he supposed to wait until his friends pick him up. He can't walk all the way to his dorm and he just didn't want to order a cab. A honk gets his attention away from a specific message that makes a smirk appear on his features, engaging his ego even higher than it already was. Unknown number [10.37pm]: I can't stop thinking about last night, Sunbae... can we meet again? "Aah~ I have to control these freshmen." He utters to himself as he walks towards the navy blue BMW, opening the backseat door. He's welcomed by his younger "brother" Jungkook and his older "brother" Hoseok. Fraternities... they just made him get used to calling all of his friends as brothers though he wouldn't admit so easily that he actually likes calling them that and how much they all mean to him. He sits inside quickly and lets out a lewd noise as the warmth of the heat hits his cold face. Jungkook was looking at him as his lower lip was hidden under his teeth. "I can explain why we're late," he starts off quickly as he changes the gear to drive. "It's okay, just drive. I'm tired," Jimin replies tiredly with his head tilted back and a smirk painted on his face. Hoseok and Jungkook share a frowned and confused look at the words coming out of the boy. He wasn't mad this time... Jimin would've been mad if it was any other day. Perhaps this wasn't a normal day. "Something good must've happened, seeing how you're not even mad and actually ... smiling like a creep." Hoseok adds as he shifts in his seat to turn to look behind at Jimin. "Ah hyung~ how can you say that? I don't always get mad," Jimin whines and earns a chuckle and scoff from the two guys in the front. "Did they pay you well?" Jungkook asks after a while when the three of them relax for a while. "Hmm," Jimin hums in response as his head nods slowly even though they probably aren't even looking at him. "They paid me well, there weren't many customers tonight... and I met someone." The two quickly look back in unison as Jimin chuckles. "Got your attention now, huh? Ya Jungkook, look in the front when you're driving." "Who's she?" Hoseok continues the conversation as they all relax into their seats again. "Her name's (Y/N), goes to Sonyei, is a literature major and she has a part time job at a clothing store." Jimin lists out all the details and information he gained earlier when the two of you had exchanged small talk while walking back to the cafe. "Well, I guess we'll have to deal with more screams and all that," the youngest comments, earning a few annoyed noises from Hoseok and Jimin as he sits there with a huge smile and a scrunched nose. "Oh my god, this little bastard here." Jimin says from behind and reaches forward to smack Jungkook's nape hard enough but also light enough. The rest of the ride back to the dorm was quiet since they were all tired from their day and work but Jimin's mind was going back to one thing. You. ~(Y/N)'s point of view~ The ringing of the alarm jolts you awake and you sit up in bed with a loud annoyed groan. Morning classes sucked and you were late. You quickly jump off the bed and run into the bathroom to get ready as quickly as you could and then choosing an outfit wouldn't be a problem. You can just put something simple. You ended up choosing a navy blue sweater with beige skinny jeans and grabbed a black long coat to end the look. Before running out the door, you stop to check if your lipstick was okay then you pull the door open and make a run for it before the bus leaves. Thankfully, you had gotten to class just a minute earlier and walk to your place with wobbly legs from running too much. You plop down on the chair with a loud sigh and raise your hand as a greeting for one of your friend, Kim Woosung. He smiles and waves back before eyeing you as you try to catch your breath. "Trying to run for a marathon?" He jokes as you smack his bicep lightly with an eye roll. You sit up straight once you notice his bottle of water was still almost full and grab it immediately. You needed water right now. "That's mine..." he says lowly as he watches you gulp down almost half the bottle and shakes his head. A sigh leaves his lips when he sees you smile at him. "That was refreshing," you add after he's done giving you "the looks". "I spat in it earlier," you roll your eyes and can't help but smile at his comment. "Makes it more refreshing." "You're disgusting," Woosung adds with a disgusted look after your comment. "Hmmm, so are you." You joke around before relaxing into the seat more after your breathing became stable. "Just finish the whole damn thing if you're stopping here," he moves the bottle towards your side of the desk and shakes his head when you giggle. Woosung was one of your close friends. The two of you met in ninth grade when he moved back in the country after leaving America. "A very, not a smart decision really", in his words. He spent two years being sad over leaving America, where he grew up, but slowly became better used to here starting from junior year. The two of you were friends from the beginning in ninth grade when he saw you reading a classic novel, Dr. Frankenstein. He criticized it and said it was in his least favorite list. "There are so many better ones. Why read this as a start?" "What's it to you? I like this!" You had argued back after being shocked at his words. "If i have to sit next to you for a whole year, at the very least bring a better book so that I can read too if I get bored." "Am I reading for your sake? Do you not have books of your own?" "What? Are you getting mad?" He scoffed at the way your tone had changed a note higher since you two had been quarreling over this for no apparent reason. "Yes. I am." "All I'm saying is get a better book so we can both-" "Do you have to read with me? Don't read, if you don't like the ones I'm reading," you lift the book up to cover his face and read again. That was in the second month of ninth grade. The two of you had just begun to talk like actual classmates and joked around too. He was really awkward in the beginning but with time the two of you settled down and tolerated each other to get along. Woosung became your best friend without the two of you even realizing. It just became so usual to have him around, in your house or room or out in the mall or clubs. People had even mistaken you for dating but you were quick to clear it out. "You could've played along," he had said back then too. Of course he was good looking. Soft features, thin lips, cute soft eyes and an adorable smile in your opinion. He was a great singer and was even in a band with three other guys. You had been to their gigs and busking events and you had to admit, he was pretty good. They were all pretty good. Did you ever feel something towards Woosung? Yes... obviously but you kept your mouth shut and those feelings faded away slowly or hid away. You had to be frank, he did get better looking since senior year high school. You're pulled out of your thoughts when you hear students in the classroom mumble all of a sudden and frown at everyone who was looking at their screen. That's when you realize the instructor didn't even come yet, it was almost 15 minutes by now. Woosung looks around and hums lightly before speaking, "Seems like class is canceled." You roll your eyes in annoyance at having to wake up early and run here to have the class canceled. "Oh, for fuc-" "Hey!" He smacks your lips for almost cursing in front of him like that. He was older than you by a year so yeah... you couldn’t always be so easy like that. Well. You could swear and all but he just liked to annoy you that way. "I woke up and ran all the way here to have this canceled..." you pout as the two of you get up to leave the classroom along with the other students. "Why'd you overslept? You don't usually do that." "Ailee and Young Do had a fight or something and she went to get wasted again," you complain as he opens the door for you, letting you go out first. "So I had to take care of that last night." Once you step outside and finish your sentence, you finally remember the events from last night. It was hectic and frenzy since you had woken up late but now that your mind was more relaxed, you remembered. Jimin. The umbrella. The last thing he said. You bite your lower lip as a habit and look ahead as you walk wherever your feet were taking you. How were you supposed to return the umbrella when you didn't even take his number. When he said you'll meet again, did he mean soon? You kind of missed him... stupid right? You had just met him last night yet you were here thinking about him and how his voice swayed its way into your heart. How warm his fingers felt even though it was for a second. You try to remind yourself to get it together and repeat the same words you did last night. "Just a crush. Just a cr-" "Goodmorning," you blink several times to get yourself back in reality when you hear Woosung's greeting. You look where he's looking at and spot Ailee taking a seat on the other side of the wooden picnic bench. You frown at her sullen expression... why was she so sad about now? You quickly stand up half way to reach towards her and smack her bicep, earning a whine from her. "You. Are. One. Lucky. Bitch." You point out while getting back on the seat. Woosung frowns at the two of you but doesn't bother or ask what's going on... at least not yet. "I messed up last night, didn't I?" She gives you an apologetic look and closes her eyes tightly as she rests her head into her palms and groans. "Jongin-oppa and I had a fight last night." She looks at you with a pout planted on her lips and then continues. "And now he's ignoring me." "Why did you fight?" "He was lecturing me the whole drive to my house and I flipped and he came after me and yelled. When I say fight. I mean a while fight with us yelling and screaming here (Y/N)!" She whines out loudly as she grabs your wrists and pulls your arm towards her. "Well he's not the only one that's mad at you," you pull away and give her an annoyed look. Does she not remember everything else? Why was she so focused on Jongin. She never acted this way so why was she... perhaps they actually feel the same way for each other? You knew Jongin liked Ailee but you didn't know whether she felt the same way towards him. Did she? You're pulled out of your pondering when she speaks again with a whiny tone. "Why are you mad?" You roll your eyes at her oblivion and list the things right away. "First, you need to fucking STOP this whole shit with Young Do." Woosung smacks you lightly when you curse and you're reminded that he was actually here. He had been so quiet that you actually forgot he was here. You scowl at him silently when he stares at you with wide eyes. He always had a habit of smacking you every time you used a swear word, it's not even because he was offended or anything. He just did it. "Fine, I'll stop okay?" You two look at Ailee in unison with shock written all over your faces. This was the first time she ever said this. "And what did you even mean by this text?" She pulls out her phones and then turns the screen towards you. It was your message from last night. "This is why I'm mad!" You jeer out. "Do you not even remember? Park Jimin? The guy who served our table last night," Ailee's face contorts as she tries to remember and then her eyes widen in an instant. "Oh shit," "Hey, don't curse around your Sunb-" "Oh SHIT," Ailee gasps out loud as her palm goes over to cover her open mouth. You give her an annoyed look and wait for her to apologize... to be honest, you weren't even THAT mad but you had the right to argue over her words that she had said in her drunken state. "I said something to him, didn't I?" "You exposed me!" You yell back and watch her try to remember again. "You were like 'oh she's single and a good kisser'..." you mimic her tone and look at her frown and then... she ends up laughing. She actually bursts out laughing and then you sit there and watch Woosung join in silently. "This isn't funny you guys." You whine out loud and drop your head on the wooden table. "I felt so embarrassed and flustered... I didn't even get his number," you finish off before sitting up with slump shoulders and a pout on your lips while you look back and forth at the two who were still laughing lightly. "Why are you laughing?" You direct the question to Woosung. "It's funny. I thought she did something but it's so small," he rubs your head, messing up your hair as he makes cooing noises. "Poor little (Y/N) got shy because some cute guy found out you're single and a good kisser." You smack his hand away and look at Ailee, who was smiling at you. "At least he didn't run right? If you said I'm lucky then something good must've happened," her eyebrow raises and she tilts her head in an attempt to try to read your expression. You clear your throat whilst trying to hide the smile that was forming on your lips. "He said that we'll meet again for sure." You say confidently but blush slowly as you remember the last thing he had said last night. You roll your eyes when Ailee lets out a long "ooooh~" ~Jimin's point of view~ He came back from his class and went straight into his room. He couldn't bear to deal with another being right now... Sleep. That's what he needed right now. As he walks through the hall of the dorm, he passes by Jungkook's room and hears a different voice from inside. His ears perk up to try to encode the new voice... a girl? Did Jungkook really have a girl in there? A teasing smirk comes onto his lips but he saves it for later. He was already tired from today's classes and he even bummed into one of his "ex". She wasn't an ex, just someone he had spent some time with for a while but then got bored as usual. But she had always tried to come back, making things awkward. Just like today. He shuts his door once he enters and plops into his bed while staring at the ceiling. Something was going on in his head that he managed to ignore the whole day until now. He frowns when he catches up on his thoughts and wonders why, of all the things, was he thinking of that... Of you. You two had only met for a few hours but why out of all the people, why did you pop into his head. He laid there and thought about what you were up to, what you could be wearing, or if you were thinking about him or not. He plays with his hair lightly then once he realizes he hadn't even taken your number, he groans and whispers to himself "You're a stupid ass Jimin-ah." Maybe Jongin might give him your number... it was a small possibility though. A knock on his door gets him out of his thoughts and he turns his head towards the door, telling them to come in. "Hey," it was Taehyung. He looked like he was in a hurry. "We- no. You got a problem. Miyeon is here." "Tell her I'm asleep." He sighs out as he looks back at the ceiling. "She's your girl, you deal with her dude. She won't listen to me." "Tae-" Jimin huffs out a breath as Taehyung closes the door without even listening to him. He gets up to put his backpack in its place and picks up the clothes that were laying around to put them in his wardrobe. If there was one thing he could care most about, he'd pick keeping his home or room neat and organized especially if someone was coming over. It has always been a habit of Jimin, to keep things tidy and in their place. As he did the same right now, he hears the door open and close again. "Oppa," Miyeon's voice echoes around the room and he hears her step towards him but still doesn't turn around. His back towards her direction as he went on with folding his shirt and his sweatpants that he found laying around. "Hi." She wraps her arms around his waist to embrace him in a back hug and rests her head on his back. Jimin drops his clothes and shoves them in before sighing out loud. He grabs her wrists to free himself from the hug and turns around to glare at her. "You have to stop coming here without telling me. I told you that before." She looks at him with a pout before speaking back. "I did message you... an hour ago." Miyeon frees herself from his hold to take a step back. "You don't seem happy to see me." Jimin looks her up and down, taking in her small body and her soft features. She had long hair that reached a little further down her shoulders. She had curled them today, it was pretty. Her plump lips were giving a tint of red today and it matched the light shade of red on her cheeks as she watched him study her like that. Her eyes, usually small and almond shaped, were now round since she felt small in front of him like that. Her outfit was cute today too, as usual. A white crop top that hugged her chest and torso tightly and a pastel pink skirt that stopped just above her knees. He looks back at her and notices that pout was still there on her lips. "I guess I'll go if you didn't want to see me." Disappointment in her tone, she turns around when Jimin doesn't budge and starts to walk towards the door until he speaks again. "Did you wear this outfit for me? It's pretty. You look pretty," he compliments as she turns and gives him a huge smile. "But it's cold outside, didn't you feel cold?" "Well, it was freezing but I wanted to show off my new outfit." She skips to the bed and sits on the edge while looking around at the room. "Don't worry, I'll help you warm up." Jimin walks towards his bed and leans down to attack her lips with his own. A moan leaves her lips right away and it causes Jimin to smirk into the kiss. He cages her body with his arms next to her sides and gently pushes her down and into the mattress. "Get in the middle of the bed and clothes off." He commands as he moves to take his own garments off. The sound of Jungkook yelling is what wakes Jimin up. He opens his eyes slowly to take in the lightened up room, it was already the next day. He must've been exhausted yesterday to have slept right after sex and waking up the next day... especially since he had slept around 7pm last night. His palm comes up to press his temple gently and turns his head to see Miyeon still sleeping there. He turns his body completely so that he was facing her, she always looked extra adorable when sleeping. Miyeon is in the same university as Jimin and they had met at a cafe Jimin goes for his regular coffee or lunch during the day. The food there was good and cheap and it could fill him up and keep him going for a few hours too. He first saw Miyeon when he was in his second year and she was still a freshmen. She looked lost and confused while trying to order in front and Jimin was running late so he suggested his favorite and offered to buy for her too. He didn't have any intentions back then but they had met again after 2 days and that's when they started talking and hanging out more. Miyeon's in the college of Drama, mostly acting and doing or writing plays. It's right across the building of the Literature college. They were just friends since Jimin was busy with a girl or another every time but he knew she had felt something with him too. Jimin resides in one of the famous dormitory in their university along with other guys and he was even the son of a rich family so people always knew who he was and his charming and beautiful looks always stole hearts. He didn't want to drag Miyeon into this but she knew what kind of a guy he is when she had kissed him at a party once he said he's not really "looking for any girl at the moment". It had started off with just a kiss then it turned into a makeout and before things got ahead, Jimin had warned her once more and got another kiss as a response. That was a year ago. Jimin still slept around or flirted here and there. It's not like Jimin and Miyeon were in an exclusive relationship. She had an idea but she never let it show nor had she said anything except for little to no arguments. She was just too nice and innocent for someone like Jimin. Did he ever feel bad for her? Sometimes. But maybe this was his taste. This is what he preferred. It's mean and not exactly a good thing to- He quickly shuts his eyes close to act like he was asleep once she moves as her body comes back to life. He hears her groan and feels her stretch out as her body moves towards his. She leans in and lightly pecks his nose before whispering a good morning to his "sleeping state". He feels his body stiffen at the way she acted. But with his hearing, he could tell she got up the bed and was putting on her clothes probably. Once she leaves the room, he opens his eyes and lets out a sigh. He's an asshole for doing this to her. An asshole for doing this to you too probably. ~(Y/N)'s point of view~ It was almost a week after you and Jimin had met and for some reason, you still wondered more and more about if he'll actually even come to meet again. Every night for the past 6 nights, you would stare at his umbrella that he had handed to you and ponder over him in general. Was he also thinking about you? Or did he forget about all that happened that night? It was around 9pm right now when your thoughts are disturbed with your phone chiming two times, alerting you with your new messages. You frown when there's an unknown number and there's Ailee's message as well. You drop your pen that was hovering over your notebook and grab your phone, opening the unknown messages first. Unknown number [9.17pm]: hey Ailee [9.17pm]: hey You look over at the messages then reply Ailee first with a usual "hi" though you opened the other message first. You [9.18pm]: hi? You send to the unknown sender but before they could even finish what they were saying, you jump as your phone rings abruptly. Ailee. "Hey," you ask with concern since she just seemed weird this way. "Hey, can you come to Jongin's cafe right now... please." She almost whispers, unusual coming from her. "Yeah, sure. Everything okay?" You say, already getting to grab your coat and a cap. "It's Young Do, he's been following me all day and he won't fucking stop... just come there okay? I'm almost there too." You hear the beep of the call ending and run out the door whilst trying to put on the coat in a sad failing attempt. The other number had messaged you but that was in the back of your mind by now since Ailee did sound concerned. Once you reach the cafe six minutes later, Jongin was already in alert and being cautious. You sit at your usual place and wait for Ailee and try to get your breath back while constantly staring at your phone. She needs to get here already, why wasn't she- "Hi," you look up in shock when you hear that voice again. It's Jimin. Why was he here? "Are you alright?" He takes the seat across from you with his eyes wide since that look of concern was too obvious on you. "Uh... Hi," you stutter out in a low voice as he leans towards the table, his arms resting on the table as his fingers intertwine. "Why are yo-" "Ya," you get interrupted as Jongin yells out all of a sudden and that's when you notice Ailee pacing towards you. She pushes Jimin into the bench even more and takes a seat beside him. You eye her worriedly but don't say anything since Jongin beats you to it. "What happened? Did he follow you here too?" "I don't know... oppa, just go back to work please. I don't want to bring attention because that would make him realize it." She whines out as she pushes him away from the table and you stare at the two of them back and forth, wondering how Jongin listened so well today. "What happened?" You ask her once Jongin leaves. "I told him we're done for real this time... that was two days ago," Ailee spurts out as she tries to keep her voice low. "And then I noticed it yesterday that he had been following me. I don't know what he wants but it's damn scary." You could tell how scared she was, it was obvious but it was readable when you see her hands shake. Ailee already had a stalker problem before and if Young Do is doing the same thing, especially after knowing about it... he's an asshole. You try to calm her down, forgetting about Jimin completely even though he was sitting right next to her. Apparently he was a good listener, judging from the way he sat still the whole time and didn't even budge. You listen to Ailee's story while offering her water, even though she had asked for a bottle of soju. It was six to seven minutes later that you four thought Young Do probably gave up but just as you were about to mention it, you see his figure in front of your table. "I need to talk to you," he starts even before introducing or greeting. Not that you wanted to hear anything from him. He sounded like he was demanding her rather than even ask her if she wants to. Reason one of why you despised Young Do. "I don't want to hear anything." Ailee retorts straightforwardly. Even though she was terrified, she still didn't show it completely in front of him. Or maybe because she felt safe with you and Jongin around. Young Do grabs her wrist with force and that causes you and Jimin to react right away. "Hey man, she said she doesn't to talk." Jimin says as he frees Ailee's wrist from his grip and gives Young Do a warning look. "Who's this? You're new sugar daddy?" Young Do snorts and chuckles but Jimin's remain unchanged. You see his jaw clench and the veins in his neck pop out. "Ya, did she seduce you too? She'll run away in the e-" "You really want to continue this here?" Jimin interrupts him with his voice sounding as cold as the wind outside that causes goosebumps and chills to rise up your body. Young Do clenches his fists even before Jimin does anything and you already hope for something to stop them. "What're you going to do? Huh?" Young Do challenges him as a smug look paints both of their faces. "Ailee, can you move please?" Jimin smiles at Ailee and you both know what'll happen if she does move and lets Jimin out. "Jimin-sshi, forget it..." you whisper as your hand grabs his arm. His eyes move away from Young Do and land onto where your hand fisted his sleeves, making you let go hesitantly. You see Young Do's figure stumble back and look up to see Jongin's hand push him aside. "This isn't a place to fight," Jongin steps between Ailee and Young Do, keeping his hand out to keep him at a distant. Young Do challenges Jongin as he smacks his hand away and walks too close to his face. You were starting to get anxious as a lot of attention was beginning to divert towards your group. You close your eyes for a second just to hope this ends well even though it didn't look like it would. "If you want to make a scene, take it outside." "You're the same guy who took her home last time... Aah, I definitely would love to take this outs-" "Stop it you guys," Ailee interrupts right away as she pushes the two of them to give her space to get out. She walks towards the entrance door after telling Young Do that she'll "talk". He follows her after giving the three of a glance and then leaves. "Stay with (Y/N). This bastard could have someone around too." Your eyes widen at his words and you and Jimin share the same confused and shocked look. As you both sit back properly, you keep on turning your heads towards where the other two had left to speak. You were already worried and anxious since Young Do could get a little too violent at times, regardless of who it is he's dealing with. Out of all the guys, Ailee had to choose him. You keep noticing how Jimin's eyes kept on looking towards you over and over again. As if you weren't nervous enough, seeing Jongin run out the door made your body turn cold. Your body reacts immediately even before your brain could comprehend anything and you jolt up and run towards the same direction as Jongin. You hear Jimin telling you to wait or slow down but you couldn't. This seemed way too serious at this point. After taking one turn into an alleyway, you freeze when you see Jongin yelling at Ailee, the two of them arguing and you're about to walk in between when you feel a tight grip on your wrist. "Don't... interfere," Jimin commands as he tries to catch his breath again. "You can't just let those two fight like-" You protest but a small "oh" leaves your mouth when you see Jongin and Ailee shut each other up by pressing their lips together. You and Jimin stand there for a few more seconds until you clear your throat and drag him out by his sleeves silently. The two of you walk back towards the cafe silently but then you give him a brief explanation. "Jongin always had a crush on Ailee. I guess she feels the same way, judging from what happened back there. Guess we should let them be for now," you look over to Jimin who was nodding in understanding at the detail-less explanation. The rest of the walk was beginning to get quiet but then you remembered something. "How did you know I was going to be in the cafe today?" "Ah, I texted you. I thought you came there because I asked you," you frown in confusion but then remember the unknown number and quickly pull out your phone to see the messages you had forgotten about. Unknown number [9.19pm]: it's me, Jimin. how are you? took your number from Jongin hyung. Unknown number [9.20pm]: I'm at the cafe ... I believe we were supposed to meet? You bite your lips at his text as you suddenly remember his remark about being single and it causes you to blush. You clear your throat after saving his number and shoving your phone back into your pocket. "I was so caught up with Ailee and all-" you blurt out, hoping it didn't make him feel insulted or hurt but he cuts you off. "Hey, it's okay. I understand." He smiles at you sweetly and it feels like deja vu as you two reach the cafe once again and he sighs. You look at him and smile softly while looking around. It was getting kind of late and you had to be home by now. "I'm not busy at the moment, I can walk you home." He suggests nicely and you were glad he offered but still try to refuse out of habit. "Ah, it's okay. I can wa-" "You don't have to refuse, I came to meet you so I'll get more time this way." You feel your face getting warm at his comment and thank him silently. "Let's go?" You nod shyly and gesture him to walk in the direction of your apartment. As the two of you walked towards your place, it got better and less awkward between you two as you exchanged random conversations about his classes and his friends that he lives with in the dorm and you told him how you had to show your parents that you'll be fine on your own and moved out the house so you'd be close to your university. And you also had given a brief explanation about the issue of Ailee and Young Do as well so that he could understand more of why today was this serious for you and Ailee. Once you reach your house, he smiles at you before speaking. "I'm glad we got to meet today," he starts off and you already feel sad thinking about when you're going to meet him next time. Maybe if he could stay a little longer... "Oh, your umbrella," you cut in before he says anything else and turn to walk into the house but stop to say something out of your comfort zone, without even thinking. "Uhh... would you, umm... like to come inside?" A smile appears onto his lips and he looks away shyly before following you inside. You tell him to take a seat on the couch while you walk into the kitchen area, voicing out whether he'd like coffee or tea. He refuses for both options and asks you not to do something like that. Typical first guests act. You smile at him and ask him what he'd like and the answer is as plain and cold as the water you hand him a while later to satisfy his request. You didn't know what to do as the nerves in you were starting to build up one by one until they stopped in your throat, making you want to throw up. Even though you and Jimin had gotten along on the way back, this scenario was still awkward as you watch him look around fondly. "Your place is cozy," he compliments after he's done with his inspections. "It shows that a literature major lives here." "Thank you?" You say confusingly, causing Jimin to chuckle. "It's good. My room is like that too, to be honest. You should visit someday." Your eyes widen at the next proposal. Is this how he is always? Before you even speak, he beats you to it. "I should really get going now, thank you for today." You stand up and watch him walk towards the door and then remember why you had actually invited him in the first place. "Ah, wait!" You exclaim out and run infto your bedroom as you grab the umbrella quickly. As you walk towards him and stretch out your arm to hand him his umbrella, he breathes out a silent laugh and it does nothing to calm your thumping heart. You clear your throat before speaking so your voice doesn't let you down by cracking. "Thank you again for this." "My pleasure," he smiles sweetly once again as his eyes almost close because of the smile. You bite the inside of your cheeks to hide the smile that was threatening to appear on your lips too. "I'll see you later then?" "Yeah, sure." ~~ After that night, texts from Jimin had become a daily thing in your life. From good morning and good night texts to talking about each other's days to very, very random topics. The two of you got closer and closer each day, and each of those days, your feelings grew too. You didn't tell anyone about how much you two had talked but you were sure Woosung and Ailee probably noticed since they'd end up sighing every time you smile at your phone. Every day that passed by, you'd find yourself waiting for his texts. And when he won't respond or text, it would affect your mood too much which was starting to scare you. It had been a month since Jimin had visited your place and since Ailee and Jongin's relationship too. You had met Jimin once after that time too but it was more of a coincidence than planned. The two of you were at a comic cafe to relax yourselves from the stress of the midterms and you couldn't find a better way to relax than read comics and so did he. Though you regretted wearing your old, oversized grey hoodie with your black leggings that day. You could've chosen a better outfit at least but he saw you that way and there wasn't anything you could do. You were sitting outside in your campus park with Ailee and Woosung again as you three silently stuffed your mouths with food after a long day. You were on your phone and so was Ailee while Woosung was busy with watching the scenery laid out in front of him of the green campus ground and the students scattered here and there. You were explaining something to a classmate about your project then once you were done, you place your phone on the wooden table. Jimin hadn't texted for almost two days now and you were really, really missing him at this point. The last text you had sent was two days ago too, a text saying: You [11.49pm]: you've seen me in okayish clothes and you've seen me in that traditional hoodie of mine... It was a conversation about how you'd dress in specific places. It was a random topic but it had started when Jimin reminded you how you looked tiny and like a small koala bear in the hoodie you were wearing at the comic cafe. Quite embarrassing if you ask, since that hoodie was really old and it looked like it too. You probably looked homeless... Your phone's vibration pulls you out of your train of thoughts and flashbacks and you pick it up immediately as a smile forms when you open the message. Jimin [10.17am]: and I'd love to see you dressed up too. You [10.18am]: and how is that possible? Jimin [10.18am]: since it's the end of the semester... wanna come to our party? You jump up when Woosung's voice rings in your ear, startling you completely as he makes a comment. "He's got skills..." You look at him confusingly as you try to calm down from the jump scare while Ailee was eyeing you both with even a more confused look. "Stop it," you smack his upper arm lightly as you push him aside to move back into your place and open up your phone again to reply. You [10.20am]: I mean... not a party person but sure? You bite your lower lip as you start to imagine all the little scenarios in your head. He invited you. You. To his party. You weren't exactly the party type of person but if it was someone inviting you, you wouldn't say no right away unless you didn't know the person well. But Jimin... well you kind of knew him and maybe this was one way to know him more. More about the people around him and how he is when he's not looking like the calm before a storm. You wanted to know and see what he's like when he's in a different atmosphere, when he's the one who's hosting and known by others. You wanted to go just because he was there. ~Jimin's point of view~ He sees your message a little while later after he leaves the bathroom and goes back into his room. The guys were planning a party before the finals started in a week and it was normal since they had always done that. Jimin [10.47am]: great. i'll pick you up at 8 then. He smiles to himself as he throws his phone on the bed before walking out to the hallway towards Jungkook's room. "Jungkookie~" he sings out sweetly whilst opening the bedroom door to see the younger one busy on his laptop. He didn't notice that Jimin was there until he saw the reflection on his laptop screen. "Hyung, you could've knocked." He complains as he removes his headsets. "As if you'll hear me if I did... anyways, who's going to be here tonight?" "Jin hyung has dinner with his family so he said he can't and also he said he'll be staying at his home tonight. Hoseok hyung said he'll see when he'll be done with the dance classes. The rest... you know... will be here." Once he's done listing the guys, Jimin nods then pats his shoulder and is about to walk out but stops when Jungkook speaks again. "You're acting weird..." "Sorry?" Jimin looks at his friend with an oblivious look but stops when the younger doesn't buy it. "Ah... the girl I met, (Y/N), i invited her too so I guess I'm nervous." Jungkook scoffs at the last word and shakes his head while he turns back to play his game. Jimin walks down the stairs to prepare something to eat since his stomach had been grumbling for a while now. While he spread the strawberry jam on the bread, his mind wandered to you. What will you wear tonight, how will you look after you actually put on effort in your looks. You already looked attractive and adorable in the casual thing and even in that horrible hoodie of yours. It still looked cute and made Jimin want to see you more and more in any way possible. Maybe inviting you to a party won't be a good idea since there will be people he knows and some don't get along with him. What if they pick fights while you're there? What if his ex... his actual ex is there? He didn't worry too much about the one night stands or the girls he kept around for a while, like the freshmen. But the two people he didn't want there tonight were: Miyeon and his ex. Miyeon wouldn't say much but after a day or two, she'll create a huge argument with him for no reason at all just because he "drank too much" or "flirted with another girl". And he really didn't want to ruin this for you. As for his ex, she was shameless. After all they had gone through, she always had the audacity to come back unexpectedly. Jimin had taken care of it a year ago but he still saw her around at times, saying things like "it's a coincidence" or she'd say "didn't think I'd see you here." Tonight, it was for you. If only, he just wanted to know you more at least then maybe he can take it slow later but tonight, he wants his attention to be for you only. Tonight, it's to start something new. He was about to go upstairs to text Miyeon to make sure she doesn't show up tonight but stops in his tracks when the doorbell rings and Yoongi walks into the kitchen after a while, followed by Miyeon. "I was going to text you just now," Jimin comments when she walks towards him silently. Yoongi didn't bother listening to the conversation as he silently got into making a snack and coffee for himself. "Were you going to invite me?" She asks, voice full of hope. "No, I was gonna tell you not to come." Jimin's words come out as rude as ever, making both Yoongi and Miyeon look at him in surprise but Yoongi knows not to butt in so he gets done with his task quickly and leaves the room before things get serious. He hated being there when people fight and ask for him to back them up... unless it's really needed then he'd step in. "Why? Aren't you guys having a party tonight? Why can't I be the-" "You know why," Jimin finishes up his juice and drops it into the sink before walking out the kitchen. He knew Miyeon was following him into the bedroom so he kept the door open as he walks in and sits on his chair to organize the papers on the desk. "Who are you meeting this time?" Miyeon asks. She knew by now what Jimin does when she's not present at these kind of parties. He would either bring a girl or target one in the place and take things to different levels. Though she usually wouldn't say much to him before, just a few days of ignoring or avoiding after a small argument but this was getting too much that she actually started to get hurt. "Jimin-" "Miyeon-ah," Jimin sighs out in frustration as he spins his chair to face her. "You know you're not supposed to ask me these things." "It's getting too mu-" "Stop. You know what we have between us isn't exclusive. You know that, I know that and maybe everyone around us do too. So stop." He warns her strictly as he gets up to look for one paper that apparently went missing. He didn't want to fight Miyeon, she was just a friend who knew what she put herself in and that's why he never wanted her involved but she still did and he had to make it clear. But to Jimin, it seems like she still can't accept it. He realizes that it probably came out too rudely so he breathes out in frustration again. "Look, i told you before any of this started and you said you can handle it. I would never do that to you but you said it was easy to handle it." "I know you told me not to Jimin but I'm starting to have actual feelings. I already did from long ago but I could control it before... not now," Miyeon confesses weakly as her eyes start to water a little. Jimin feared this. Ever since him and Miyeon started this, whatever this was, he feared this would happen. That she'll catch feelings and it'll be too late to go back. "I told you. Miyeon-ah, I told you. I fucking told you not to do this," his voice rises with each word and it makes her flinch a little. "What was I supposed to do, Jimin? You really think it's easy, do you? What was I supposed to do?" She whines and screams out this time, making the atmosphere even more serious as he runs a hand through his hair. "You should've left! You should've left with no feelings. I told you that you can leave if it gets too mu-" "I love you, Jimin!" This time it's Jimin who gets surprised and stares at her in disbelief. This isn't how it was supposed to be... this wasn't supposed to happen. He breathes out loudly as he runs his hand through his hair again, looking around at anything but her. He couldn't look at her because he knew what he did and that's why he never wanted Miyeon to be involved in these things. But things turned out this way and this was out of his hands. He couldn't see her this way. It was his fault but he had to ruin her more if he had to fix her, if he had to help her escape this. The silence was starting to creep in until Miyeon breaks it by speaking again. "You think I don't know what you go around doing? You think I don't care when I say I don't... or that it doesn't hurt me?" Jimin finally looks at her in the eye and decides to throw in his "discoveries". "Don't act so innocent. You think I don't know that you meet up with other guys... and girls? You think I don't know what you're up to? You're seriously getting unbearable day by day, you know that? Acting like this with me and then claiming this." Jimin scoffs at her expression but before he says anything else, she mutters out something so low that he demands her to repeat. "Say it again. Go on. Say-" "I do that to hide away my feelings towards you or stop whatever this pain is!" "Don't act like I never warned you or told you what THIS is! I made it clear before and you said you can do-" "Well, I can't do this anymore!" The two of them scream at each other back and forth until there's a knock on the door and they both look at the same direction as Yoongi walks in with a cold glare. "That's enough," he says with a calm but demanding tone that manages to shut both of them up. "You two need to relax and talk it out. Not scream out your lungs." As he says that, both the guys' eyes widen when Miyeon bursts out crying and drops on the bed. Jimin looks at her with a pitiful and broken look as tears threaten to leave his eyes too. He looks away and clears his throat to stop himself. It wasn't as easy since he could feel Yoongi's eyes boar holes in Jimin and his ears picking up the sniffles of Miyeon. He really didn't want this to happen. At least not to her. As much as he messed around, he never wanted Miyeon to get hurt since she actually meant something to him. She was someone who he had a soft spot for. She was always pure and innocent, she kind of understood him well and she always did her best when it came to Jimin. There was only one other person who had the same soft spot in his heart before Miyeon... his ex. The girl he hates with all his energy now. The girl he can't stand anymore. The girl who ruined him and he had done the same with her... it was a never ending cycle. Yoongi orders Jungkook, who was standing outside the room with Taehyung, to bring some water for Miyeon from downstairs. He runs down immediately while Taehyung looks at Jimin from behind Yoongi but before the younger could do anything, Yoongi walks in the room and closes the door as he orders Jimin to sit down too. The boy takes a seat at the chair by his desk as his eyes look over at Miyeon, who was done crying in front of them but she still looked like she wanted to cry more. Yoongi hands the tissue box to her and walks towards the door again but he doesn't leave, just leans against it before he sighs out and speaks. "Whatever this is, I have no right to be in this... but I interfered because it sounded like someone had to. This... thing between the two of you, if it was getting this hard. Why did you continue to ruin each other this way?" "Hyung," Jimin starts but stops when there's a knock on the door as Jungkook hands the water to Yoongi that he ordered earlier. "I told her from the start what this is and that she could leave." Jimin says, way more calm than before as he watches Yoongi hand the glass to her and walk back to where he stood. "And it's not my fault that I have these feelings." Miyeon complains after she takes a sip, her voice shaking. Yoongi shakes his head in disappointment and clicks his tongue before his last statement. "This whole situation is wrong. From the start till the end. Now you two decide what you want and do it properly and maturely, yeah? Without trying to make it sound like you want to rip each other's skin out." Jimin looks up at his hyung and then at Miyeon who stands up quickly as she grabs her stuff. "There's nothing to talk about." She adds as she walks towards the door and leaves. Yoongi gives Jimin a death glare before he leaves too while Jimin sighs out in exhaustion with his palms covering his face. After a few seconds, he feels someone walk in and he looks at the doorway to see Taehyung leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest. He didn't look happy or proud either. "You've done it now. What makes you think this is a good idea?" "Tae~" Jimin groans as he walks to his bed to lay down for a while and think it through. He avoids looking at his best friend who was still staring but sighs and confronts him again. "I'll talk to her." "It's not that ... and i don't think she would want to listen." "I know, but I'll take care of it." As everyone leaves the room, Jimin finally stares at the ceiling as he lets his thoughts take over and lets his mind wander off to Miyeon and - you.

~(Y/N)'s point of view~ You were done with your makeup and the shower at least one hour later after coming home from your classes. Today was a more relaxed day since one class had gotten canceled so you came home after lunch with Woosung because Ailee had to leave to celebrate her one month anniversary with Jongin. You were really happy for the two... after all the feelings they kept inside and how frustrating it was getting seeing Jongin stare at her lovingly, all by himself, they finally opened up and took the opportunity. You had told her and Woosung about going to Jimin's party and they both had to make lewd jokes about it. As if he'd do anything. What if he wasn't even interested in you that way? You shake your head out of thoughts and get back to getting ready. It was already 7.40pm so that meant Jimin would be here any moment. You had chosen a plain navy blue dress that hugged your upper body nice and tight, showing your curves and the shape of your waist but was less tighter waist down stopping just a bit above your knees. You looked good but you weren't feeling good. Not being used to these type of parties, you didn't know whether you should stick to dresses or just jeans with shirts. You stare at your reflection once you’re done and ponder over what your final decision would be. Was this okay? Should you change it - maybe you should. But as you turn to rummage through your clothes, the ringing of your phone startles you and you freak out when you see Jimin's name on it. He must be downstairs already; you had no time to change or anything so you grab your phone and a small purse before running out the door towards the stairs that led you downstairs to the entrance of the apartment building. Before opening the door to step out, you freeze to take a deep breath and relax your nerves then proceed to open the door to be greeted by Jimin, busy on his phone. As he hears the door open, his head shoots up to look at you and you watch his eyes widen a little. Once you get closer to him, his eyes look you up and down as a smile rests on his lips, making you blush at how he was eyeing you. "Does this look okay?" You ask nervously as you flatten the cloth and smooth it out for no reason. He doesn't respond right away so you try again. "It's a bit overboard, right? I'll change it." As you turn around to run upstairs, Jimin stops you by grabbing your wrist and he smiles contently while shaking his head. "You look really pretty. You don't have to change this." Your heart starts to crash against your chest as your mind only focuses on one thing, his hand around your wrist. You'd do anything to keep it there at this point. He breaks your thoughts when he lets go and speaks. "Let's go then." You clear your throat and walk behind him, watching him open the car door for you while a smile is still painted on his lips. Such a gentleman, you think to yourself while whispering a thank you to him. Once you're on the way to his dorm, you share conversation together and as you get close to his university, Jimin starts to tell you things about tonight so you don't feel uncomfortable. "... and most of the people, we don't even know them well." He laughs at that then his eyebrows raise when he remembers something. "Speaking of that, I'll introduce you to two or three of my friends, so in case you get lost or don't find me just go to one of them. Don't trust anyone else other than them." His tone was calm but really dominating and you smile shyly while you look at him. "You think I don't know how these parties go?" Jimin turns his focus from the road to you then reverts at the road and chuckles when he sees your amused face. "I'm just saying... it's not your college and if you feel uncomfortable or anything then you'll have people you know." He explains softly and your heart melts at how caring he was being and how soothing his tone was, especially at this atmosphere. By the time you reach the dorm, you could see how many people were there already. It was 8.15pm when you arrived and for some reason you did feel uneasy. Jimin was right. You really didn't feel in the right place and it was making you nervous. You feel a hand rest on the small of your back and turn to look at Jimin offer you a sweet smile, making your heart jump and skip a few beats at the contact. He pushes you lightly to make you walk towards the house that had music booming from inside while you look at the few people outside the house and prepare yourself for the inside of this lively place. When Jimin opens up the door, the first thing your senses pick up is the smell of alcohol and the loud music. They really knew how to throw a party. The lights were dim and you saw the colored party lights put here and there. There was even a small Dj corner and a group of people already dancing, you walk past the kitchen and the atmosphere there was a little less crowded and chill as people went to get drinks or food. Overall, the place was crowded with people already and some were drunk already too. It was the typical university party but since you weren't used to these things, you were starting to feel even more uncomfortable. You notice how some girls were eyeing you, maybe because of the fact that they knew you weren't a student here. Or maybe it was Jimin and how he was close to you, pushing away people to give space to you that had people give you stares. You jump up in surprise when he leans towards your ear to say something over the loud environment. "Let's go out to the backyard first." He suggests as his hand grabs your wrist again and he leads the way, making a clear path for you along the way. You were grateful for him at this point. When you two reach the backyard, the energy here was a bit different from inside. Students were playing games like, beer pong or jumping into the pool or just drinking. A group of guys grab your attention when they yell out Jimin's name and he walks towards them. He smiles at them smugly when you reach them and you smile shyly while bowing a little. "Here she is, (Y/N)," Jimin sings out and the 4 boys smile at you sweetly and it doesn't help calm your heart whatsoever. He points at one boy one by one as he says their names. "Okay so this is... Jungkook, Jin hyung, Hoseok hyung, and Taehyung... these are my friends and if you need anything and I'm not around, just let them know okay?" You nod hesitantly and smile at them all again. "Yoongi hyung... where's he?" "He's being the Dj we never asked for since he doesn't approve of all the songs we picked." The boy named Taehyung speaks before taking a sip from his red cup. "Would you like to drink anything?" The Jin dude speaks and you forget how to speak for a minute. He was mesmerizing. The plump lips and those pretty, glistening eyes of his and his blonde hair dropped down and stopping right over his eyebrows. He was just too pretty. He chuckles at your state and shakes his head. "I know, you've never seen anyone this handsome, have you?" You frown at his words confusingly and watch the others laugh as one of them hits Jin lightly. "I'm here if you need anything... we all are." "Thank you," you finally speak up and listen to the others talk about random things. You didn't know Jimin was gone for a while until he came back with two red cups, handing one to you. "I don't know if you want to drink right away so I brought you coke." You feel soft as he says that and smile at him thankfully. The four guys made you relax after a bit more chatting and told you who was the oldest and youngest and also gave you a small brief of what each of them do and major in. It was mostly business but they still did other things that weren't business related. You also found out that Jimin and the rest of them were all super rich kids who were probably the heirs of their fathers or grandfathers' businesses. But the person who caught your attention the most was Hoseok, he was a dancer and also owned an academy that he worked hard for. He was really nice and made you feel nice and comfortable. Telling you stories about one of them or Jimin, making sure you didn't need anything or if you were feeling okay. Jimin kept going and coming every now and then since a lot of people would want to talk to him about their issues but thanks to Taehyung and Hoseok, you didn't feel uncomfortable. Around 10pm, everyone went to have fun in their ways or flirting around. Jimin was with you, leaning against a pillar as the two of you bucked along with the beat of the music lightly. You hadn't drank a lot of alcohol but you were worried if Jimin was starting to get drunk. Or maybe he was just having fun. You were watching Hoseok and Taehyung dancing together until you feel Jimin drag you into the pool of people and he starts to dance too, encouraging you to join him. If you hadn't had some of the drinks from before, you would never agree but the adrenaline in you was begging to be released so you let the music control you. You feel his hands grab your waist and control your movements to sync with his as he gazes at you with his dark eyes and a smug smirk on his lips. Your heart beats harder than it was already beating as you look at his plump, red lips and lick your own before leaning in towards him. He rests his forehead against yours but before any of you could move one more step up, he moves back when Taehyung drags him outside, leaving you to dance alone but eventually you walk into the kitchen to grab something to drink. It was rude to just leave like that but maybe they had a reason since you saw them from the kitchen's window outside on the backyard with serious looks on their face. You bite the inside of his cheek since it was still not right to just leave midway like this. Jimin basically ditched you in the party since you didn't see him after that until you walk through the hallway to see him drunk and flirting with some other girl. Their faces were really close and he had her trapped between him and the wall and she had a small smile on her lips that made you sick and jealous. He also looked like he was too drunk to make sense of anything. You contemplated whether you should go to him or not and you decided to walk away to find someone to hang out with. You spent the rest of the time with Taehyung and Hoseok and they also had you meet Yoongi too. He was pretty - just like all of them. He seemed mature and kind of intimidating with a look of pure disinterest, though he did look like he was having fun when he was controlling the music. You talked or just listened to them talk but your mind was elsewhere. The thought of Jimin with that girl was too much and you couldn't handle that. He invited you here to spend time together yet he left and found someone else to have fun around and that hurt you. You weren't going to wait for him to appear again. This wasn't right to you and sure you just met him and he must be well known here or maybe he had reasons but you weren't going to stay in this party and be sad when he doesn't come. It was almost midnight when you had decided to leave without a word. But once you walk out the house, a familiar voice speaks out, making you turn your head. "Leaving already?" It was Yoongi. He didn't seem drunk or anything. Did he not drink? He was leaning against the wall but pushes himself off it to walk towards you. "Uh... yeah. I'm tired." You reply nonchalantly but don't look at him. "I'll drop you home," Yoongi says and walks towards one of the parked cars outside the garage. "Aren't you drunk? It's illegal to drink and drive." You say that to try and turn down his offer but he wasn't taking no as an answer when he opens the door and sits in so you just sat in the car. You did need a ride home and Jimin said you could trust his friends. "I don't drink a lot and... I didn't drink tonight." He comments when you relax into the seat. The car ride was mostly silent after you had explained your address to Yoongi. He played music but kept the volume really low and kept his gaze on the road. Neither of you say anything but then Yoongi breaks the silence, making you turn your gaze and attention to him. "A right from here?" He asks for reassurance and you nod, whispering a yes. He hums lowly and clears his throat before continuing. "Umm... I apologize for how Jimin acted earlier. He usually doesn't get drunk that quickly." "It's okay," you say and try to continue but he speaks again. "No it's not okay. He shouldn't have done that but... if you're mad then I hope you forgive him. He had a fight with one of his friend in the morning today. She's a close friend and it got serious and she left without resolving so maybe..." Yoongi drifts off and lets his words fade away when he notices you staring at him. "Look. All I'm saying is that, he isn't always like this... he wasn't like this," he rephrases his words and tries to explain as you continue with your stare. You frown at his last sentence and start to ponder at what he really meant but instead of asking about that, you ask a stupid question. "Were they dating?" "What?" Yoongi's eyes widen and he looks at you before turning his focus back on the road. "The friend he fought with... were they dating?" "Uh... no... not that I know of. She's a close friend to all of us so I don't know," he states but you could have sworn you heard his voice shake. The rest of the ride was silent. You were too annoyed and kind of hurt to speak more. Yoongi had dropped you off and drove back to the party after saying that he'll let Jimin know. You only nodded to that then thanked him for the ride home and went inside. All of this, all of this makeup and the worry of the outfit turned out to be useless and for nothing. Of course you weren't looking for something drastic or different to happen but somewhere deep down you wished you did experience something more than just... this. It had been a week since the party. You hadn't met Jimin or talked to him as of that. He did message you the day after the party, apologizing for the most part and saying the same thing as Yoongi had said but then that was it. He disappeared. Again. You figured he likes doing that since he has done that more than once now. The good side of you always ended up with creating excuses for him... maybe he was busy, maybe he had some issues that were personal, maybe he was studying. It could be anything. But something in you always told you to be careful even though you had ignored that voice before. But for some reason, you wanted to meet Jimin, hang out with him, get to know him. You just missed him. And that moment the two of you had shared in the dance area that night, you kept going back to that memory even though it would get ruined by the image of him flirting with another girl. You were in finals week now. Tomorrow was your last exam so you had packed your bag to go to your parents house for a few days after your exam is done. You were currently at work, you requested your manager to let you work earlier so you have time to study later on and not stress over it. Standing behind the register was your task today... it was as boring as ever since not many people were coming in here at this time. You had at least 20 minutes left to go and you were getting exhausted but thankfully your shift was almost over. You were busy flipping pages on your notebook when you hear the shop door open up and a guy walks in with a little girl. You welcome them politely and watch them go through the displayed clothing items. The two were busy talking to your co-worker as she was helping them out with their process and you just stand there, waiting for them to come up with their things. The door opening gets your attention again and you look at the guy that walks in and your heart drops for some reason. He was wearing a black cap and a mask and the only colors you saw on him were the little ends of his pink hair sticking out from beneath his cap and his olive green jacket, other than that he was in full black. His head turns to your direction but then he looks away quickly and walks further into the store. Something in you starts to make you a little uncomfortable. You keep an eye on his figure as a precaution but your attention gets taken away when the first customers come up to the counter. You smile at the father and daughter and explain the process to them if they want to return or exchange after giving them the change. Your eyes skim over the store once they leave and you notice how that guy was staring at you too. The blood flow in you becomes rapid and you suddenly grab your phone without making it obvious... the situation just seemed suspicious. You try to act calm and normal when he approaches the counter and smile at him softly. "Welcome Sir, how can I help you?" You ask as you straighten up. When you see his eyes up close, he just seems familiar but you don't focus on that too much until he pulls down his mask. Your body turns cold right away when he smiles at you sweetly. He stands there with an apologetic look and a sweet smile at the same time. You put on your "tough" face and look away to fiddle with something else. "What is it Jimin?" You ask in a serious tone without looking up again. "I came here to apologize for how I behaved that day at the party. I shouldn't have ditched you or ignor-" "I am at work now Jimin. I can't talk about this here." You watch his expression change in a matter of seconds and it causes your heart to drop even deeper down. Of course you were mad at him and you were going to show it but... you were scared that he'll leave and disappear again if you act cold. "When do you get off work? I'll take you home." You stare at him blankly, disbelief written all over your face. He wasn't asking, he was stating it. You knew you had no time to refuse or argue so you tell him to wait somewhere outside, letting him know that you'll be done soon. Jimin was sitting at the bench near the store you work at. He was busy with his phone when you step outside and he doesn’t notice until you clear your throat to inform him of your presence. He shoves his phone into his pocket and smiles at you. "Did you eat anything? Let's go get something to eat," he suggests but you refuse him quickly. "No... Jimin, I have an exam tomorrow and I need to study for it." He stares at you for a few seconds before speaking. "I do too. But let's eat before I take you home, okay?" You just nod and follow him towards the food court since you knew you had no other options. The two of you ate together and Jimin even apologized a lot for what he had done the last time you had went to the party. From the information you gained by listening to his side was that the girl was someone he had known for a while and she thought he had some sort of feelings towards him. The other thing he had used to his defense was that he was very drunk that night due to some issues he wanted to forget. And that had you remember what that Yoongi guy had told you that night too so you stare at Jimin and nod at him before speaking. “Your friend Yoongi told me that you had a huge fight that day,” you say as you take a sip of your drink. “Yeah, she’s someone I really care about. And when we fought, she stormed out without really talking it out with me.” You were staring at him speak and get lost in your thoughts for bit. Trying to read his expression, you realize later that you were staring too much so you clear your throat and look down at your drink. You knew he was staring at you too but by the time you look back, his eyes were at his plate. “Did you guys make up now?” You ask to make things less awkward and he shakes his head no before continuing. “I texted her to tell her that I want to see her but she ignored it. Seenzoned me.” He chuckles it out and you notice how his smile actually disappeared after he looked down. He must be really sad about it. You stare at him for a bit trying to figure out why did that girl mean so much to him. Yoongi has given you a brief explanation of her being a close friend but you knew there might be something else. Jimin’s expression made it look like it had to be something more. You were about to ask something else but he beats you to it first. “Anyways, when is your final tomorrow?” “Ah... it’s at 10.30am.” He nods at your reply and continues. “So it’s a bit earlier than mine,” you frown at his statement and wait for him to continue. “I was thinking... maybe we can hang out together tomorrow?” Your body turns cold at his words for some reason and you stare at him for a bit, thinking if you wanted to be petty or just be straightforward. “I’m going to visit my parents tomorrow after I’m done...” You tell him and watch him nod in understanding, disappointment written on his face once again. The two of you eat in silence for a while but then Jimin starts conversations little by little and it gets less awkward for you and you forget about the last time you two had went out together. Once you were done, Jimin offers to take you home and you knew he wasn’t taking no as an answer. The car ride was as casual and relaxing as the meal you had with him. He was so different and nice today and you found yourself staring at him often. Everything about him seemed more welcoming this time, his energy and the attention he put on you, it all felt so nice and welcoming. Once you had reached your place, you didn’t get out the car immediately. The two of you stare ahead, neither of you saying anything for a while. You look at Jimin and your body turns cold when you catch him staring at you already. He doesn’t look away even when you catch him staring. The blood rushes to your cheeks quickly and you feel your face turn warm gradually. You clear your throat before speaking. “Umm... thank you for dropping me home, Jimin.” You thank him nicely as your hand tries to unlock the door, making an escape from his gaze. “No problem,” he smiles sweetly. You give him a smile back and turn your head afterwards to look for the darn door handle since your hazy mind wasn’t helping you. Your body freezes when you feel his hand wrap around your free wrist all of a sudden as he says your name in a low voice. You look at him with a confused face and a hint of surprise. “Yes?” You ask when he didn’t continue. “I was thinking... actually, I wanted to ask when you’re going to go to your parents tomorrow.” “Umm... maybe around 3pm I think. I didn’t pack yet so I’ll probably pack tomor-“ “I want to take you there.” Jimin interrupts you and it takes a while for you to comprehend what he had just said. When Jimin realizes the shocked expression on your face, he adds more to it, letting you know that you have a choice. “If that is okay with you.” “It’s okay with me but-“ you say almost suddenly, your mind noting the embarrassment you felt right when you said. Once that embarrassment grows, your words fade away and your eyes find comfort in how his hand was wrapped around your wrist. You fall silent. You didn’t know how long you two had stayed quiet for but it did feel long for you when Jimin finally asked. “But?” His face tilted a bit so he could see your face. When you look at him, your eyes meet for a long time and you could feel your heart beat faster and your pulse run faster too. “My parents... they wouldn’t really...” you were lost in his eyes by this point. The confused error mode you were in made him look at you in amusement as you tried to get words out. “It’d be really nice but it’s just... my parents...” “Well, isn’t it too early for parents to meet me?” You see his lips stretch into a small cheeky smile as your body and mind freeze at his words and you stare at him with wide eyes. He breaks into a small laugh once he realizes you were really shocked by his words. You didn’t comprehend his statement well since your mind was bringing up a lot of reasons and scenarios and possibilities. Jimin must’ve noticed the confusion so he smiled after a while and continued, “I’m just saying I’ll take you there... we don’t have to meet your parents if they won’t be okay with it.” He asks for your answer and you look at him for a while as your mind comes with a proper way. Your mouth opens to reply to him and a smile is dying to stretch your lips while you answer. The next day. You walk out the class after the exam hours are over, Woosung following you after with a exhausted sigh. He wraps his arm around your shoulder and you both share a tired smile. The two of you meet Ailee outside and she gives you guys pats on your backs with a huge smile. “You guys are donee~” she sings out while her hand keeps on smacking your shoulder. “Ugh... I think I got at least 10 questions wrong.” You stare at Woosung in surprise after he talks and while he looks in the distance, focusing on nothing. “Why?” He gives you a sarcastic expression as his eyebrow raises. “I don’t know... maybe I didn’t know it,” his tone was drowning in sarcasm and you smack him to stop his sarcastic attitude. “Well I tried to help you in studying but you’re not even focusing much lately,” you say and watch him walk towards an empty picnic bench. You lightly push him from the back in annoyance and give him a frustrated look. “You’re still not focusing.” Ailee smiles at you and walks in sync with you towards the bench as well. You fish out your phone from your bag and look through the notifications you got, trying to see if that one message came or not. A tiny smile emerges on your lips as you read Jimin’s message that he sent an hour ago saying that he’s still up for it to take you to your parents home. You feel Ailee’s and Woosung’s eyes on you and it makes you look up with a straight face as you clear your throat. You could hear their taunts in your head already and before you could stop them, Woosung suddenly speaks. “What’s so fun on your phone,” he asks but you could tell from his tone that he wasn’t expecting an answer so you wait for him to continue. “Did you pack yet? I haven’t.” “Ah... no not completely,” you say casually. You had to tell him that Jimin was taking you to your parents place this time. You and Woosung lived in the same neighborhood during high school when you both still lived with your parents and your parents were close too. There were a lot of times when he was the one who’d taken you to your parents house whenever you wanted to visit after you moved out for university. You could tell he wasn’t in the best mood today so that was making you nervous. You knew he would feel frustrated after hearing it right now. “Actually...” you open your mouth to speak and see them both stare at you, anticipating your words. It was making you even more nervous and you start to stutter. “Wait,” Ailee interrupts you and looks at you and Woosung back and forth. “You two are going together? What about Jimin?” You look at her in disappointment for bringing this up like that. You told Ailee last night after you went home how Jimin offered to take you to your parents house but you didn’t tell her about Woosung agreeing to take you too. The look on his face was scary enough right now too and it made you ten times more nervous than you already were. You give Ailee a “how dare you” smile with disbelief written all over your face. “What about him?” He asks and you knew you had to say it now before he loses his patience. A tired Woosung was not meant to be messed around with. “The thing is,” you shift in your seat as you speak and move a little close to Woosung even though he was across the table. “He... ummm... he told me he’d take me... to my parents’ place.” You study his expressions, eyebrows frowning in confusion then his eyes shifting and his jaw clenching. He doesn’t say anything so you just ask something. “Are you mad?” “Yes. I am,” the tone of his voice was no joke either and it gave you chills down your spine and you could tell Ailee had felt it too. Before either of you could speak, he continues. “Why is he taking you and why did you even agree to him taking you there?” “Woosung, she likes him. That’s why.” You could tell Ailee was on defensive mode now too and you silently wished these two wouldn’t argue. “Okay. And? (Y/N), you just recently met the guy. Spent a couple days with him only and he even ghosted you a few times. How dumb can you be right now?” You were now annoyed too. Sure, Jimin has ignored you before and it hurt you but he was still responsible enough to own up to his mistake and make it better. “What does it have to do with anything, man?” You ask him in annoyance and frustration. “Look. I know we both agreed to going there together but this is one of the few chances I’ll get to meet Jimin. I don’t want to waste the-“ “You’re not wasting anything but yourself,” he interrupts you quickly. “Excuse me?” You scoff at Woosung’s words and you could tell he kind of regretted it too but that didn’t stop him. “Come on, the dude has fuckboy written all over him. You don’t see it?” “Yeah well you can’t just judge someone. Besides you haven’t even met the guy, you only saw pictures and heard stories,” you retaliate. “And those were enough for me to realize what kind of a dude he is,” Woosung makes his last point and stares at you with an upset expression. Almost as if he was disappointed in you. “You’re so blinded by his looks and his flirtatious manner. You don’t even see why he’s trying so hard.” “Oh wow. Thanks Mr. I Can Read Through People. I really needed to hear that,” you mock him sarcastically. He opens his mouth to argue back but just lets out a defeated sigh and looks away. “I can’t believe you. I’ll see you tomorrow then,” he gets up with a sulky expression and grabs his bag. “Reach home safely you two.” You and Ailee watch him walk away with disbelief painted onto your faces. You were confused to why he was even mad at you for this, it was understandable at some extent but then he was yelling at you for something you wanted to do. This wasn’t like Woosung at all. He words left a tightening feeling in your chest and a lump created in your throat. You were hurt. You give Ailee a confused look and she speaks up, “Don’t worry about it. Just go with Jimin. I’ll talk to Woosung,” she tries to calm you down since it was clear you were now worried and hurt. “You’re not even close to each other to talk about these things,” you leave a remark as you get up as well. “I have to go pack. I’ll see you after a couple days. Have a good break.” “You too,” Ailee smiles back at you and squeezes your hand as a gesture to let you know she’s here. You manage to smile back at her and walk away. By the time you showered, got ready, and packed up your bag, Jimin was out the minute you finished up with everything and pinged his message to your phone. You look back at your apartment to make sure you weren’t forgetting anything for the week that you’re going to spend with your parents. Your parents were usually very strict with you during your high school days and the first year of university. It was Ailee and Woosung that helped you in convincing your parents to let you move out since it was a big hassle to commute for 4 hours back and forth everyday. You couldn’t live with Ailee since her apartment building had no vacancies back then so you choose a place near her and as for Woosung, he lives really close to the campus and there was no way you were going to risk asking your parents if you and him live together, even thought he’s literally the only guy friend you have that your parents are okay with. You two did grow up together and are really close. Your mind reminded you of your argument with Woosung earlier, causing you to take out your phone from your pocket to see if he sent anything. He didn’t. You were very hurt and also worried as your parents might get suspicious to how you got there and using the bus was a big no no to them as well. You couldn’t lie either since your parents and his parents would make a mini gathering welcoming the two of you for the visit. You bite the inside of your cheek as you make your way out of your apartment to go to Jimin. You were happy to spend time with him but this whole Woosung issue was eating you up right now. Jimin looks beautiful, as usual, in his blue jeans and his black turtle neck, sleeves rolled up too. It made your heart jump for some reason and you think to yourself, “how can someone be this good looking in such simple attire?” You must’ve looked concerned since the minute you stand in front of him, his smile disappears and he tilts his head trying to study your expression. “What’s wrong?” He asks you, causing you to feel your blood rush inside you for some reason. You contemplate whether you want to tell him or not because at this very moment, you really needed a hug and Jimin looks welcoming - too welcoming actually. “Oh, umm...” you start off and almost tell him nothing but something in you tells you to be honest about it. “I had a fight with one of my best friend, Woosung. And he stormed off without saying anything.” “Oh. I’m sorry about that,” Jimin replies honestly and you can tell he’s worried about you more than Woosung or the fight. “Are you okay?” He asks as he steps closer to you and you shake your head lightly as you recall the argument. “I just want a hug right now.” You state your want and without thinking, Jimin wraps his arms around you body and pulls you into a hug. Your eyes widen as you were clearly shocked by the sudden contact but you can’t help but take in his warmth and his “manly” scent. He smells very comfortable for some reason somewhat a mix of eucalyptus and spearmint which makes you wraps your arms around his waist as you squish into his warmth and hold. You two stay like this for a minute or so and he pulls back with a smile and takes your mini suitcase with your stuff in it from your side to put it in the car as he opens the door for you. You thank him in a low voice and give him a small smile as you sit in the car and watch him walk over to his side of the car. He sits comfortably and runs his hand through his hair before sighing lightly and looking your way. You look at him too, waiting for him to say something. “You can talk to me about the argument if you want. If it makes you feel any better,” he tells you as he starts lowers the temperature of the air conditioner. You look down at your hands and think about it for a while. He might give you a bad reaction once he finds out why Woosung even stormed off and you were somehow worried. You bring up the courage to tell him but you make it quick and short and after you’re done telling him, you notice a different look on his face and you’re worried you pissed him off. You bite your lower lip as you wait for him to say something. A part of you wishes you hadn’t even agreed to him taking you to your parents house... what were you even thinking. He clears his throat and looks at you with a sweet smile once again and says. “Well, I don’t know what to say to be honest,” he says calmly. “I can understand why your friend would be mad but I’m also glad you made your own choice. And umm...” he pauses for a bit, taking your hand into his and looks at you. You stare at him too and your cheeks turn warm the minute a thought pops into your head. You even forget that he didn’t even finish his sentence. “I’m glad you chose me.” He says with his soft voice as he stares into your eyes. You could feel the blood rushing through your entire body and you could feel him coming close, or was it you leaning towards him. It was silent in the car for a bit and neither of you broke the eye contact until the sudden ringing of Jimin’s phone gives you a jump scare which you laugh it off. Jimin clears his throat and lets go of your hand, making you miss the warmth right away. He runs a hand through his hair and starts the car before answering his phone. He was talking to Taehyung and it sounded like he had to cancel something to be here and it made you feel a bit bad. Jimin tells you it’s nothing to worry about and that he can hang out with his friends any other time too after the call had ended. The car ride was actually really fun. The two of you got to know more about each other. Your hobbies and the friends you have and how many siblings he has. One brother. His friends were a lot but according to him, his circle is the one you had met back then at the party. You told him about Woosung and you talked about how Jongin became close to you and Ailee too. You also found out that Jimin had a very strict father but his mother seemed adorable. He talked about a huge fight that happened between some of his friends too which caused one of them to cut ties with most of them. He didn’t go into details but either way to you, it seemed like Jimin still cared for that Namjoon friend of his. You were all-ears to his stories and it was just natural how the two of you were talking so peacefully and it wasn’t awkward at all. The ride itself was peaceful and really fun. It was a great relaxing moment for you to spend time with Jimin with you two being alone for so long like this. By the time you reached the town, you started to worry how you will tell your parents you got here with Jimin. They might end up killing you for going out with a guy they don’t know anything about. And it won’t work lying that you came with Woosung since you didn’t know if he is still on the way or if he already is there. Your mums would probably have a gathering at night once they see you. You were wondering what to do when a chime comes from your phone, bringing you out of your thoughts. It was from Woosung. “Woosung said to meet him at a bus stop near my house so I think that’s where you should drop me,” you say to Jimin who had his ears perked and his eyebrows raised. He only nodded so you decided to guide him through the streets until you reach the bus stop. Woosung was already there when you reached. He was sitting with a kid and they were both smiling while the mother was on her phone. It somehow made your heart flutter and you ended up smiling too. You turn to thank Jimin and wish him a good vacation but he suddenly suggests that he will drop you both to your houses since it’s be better. You get out the car to greet Woosung who greets you back but his smile drops when he sees Jimin come out the car too. “Thank you for bringing her safely,” Woosung says out of the blue. “We’ll be heading our way now.” “I suggested to (Y/N) that I will drop you both to your homes. It’s across each other anyways.” Jimin says coldly and you already sense the tension between the two. When you saw how Woosung reacted earlier, it was clear that he didn’t like Jimin. But you never realized that Jimin doesn’t fancy your best friend either. Maybe it was because of what happened and that you told Jimin what Woosung said about him that might give Jimin the wrong idea. You were silently panicking inside, trying to figure out what to do now. The two of them were quiet and you felt it, the tension this silence was bringing. Before you could even say anything and before Woosung could reject the offer, Jimin smiles and tells him to get in as he grabs his backpack. Woosung takes it from Jimin’s hand and walks after you. You could tell he wasn’t happy about it but he didn’t argue either. He ends up suggesting that you sit in the back seat for now and you knew it wasn’t going to get you anywhere if you disagree right now so you silently obliged to his suggestion. You saw Jimin’s “fake” smile and the small frown his eyebrows were falling into but he didn’t say anything. The three of you buckle up and the car starts to move towards your street. Looking out, you end up remembering the memories you had here when you used to live here. The times you and Woosung would walk home from the bus stop and the shops you’d stop by at to get snacks. Those were some great times in your mind and you hoped they were great times in his mind too. He was a really special friend of yours and you didn’t want to think of life without him in it. Woosung’s voice brings you out of your memory lane and you look at the back of his head as he tries to converse with Jimin. “I didn’t think you’d be a guy with pink hair,” he jokes sarcastically and Jimin lets out a small snicker and chuckle before answering. “I just wanted to try something new,” he says softly while his eyes were on the road. Your heart flutters at his voice for some reason and you sit and stare at him in awe with how gentle he seems and how good he looks doing the most minimal things. “I see,” Woosung says, making you come out of your thoughts. “I have always wanted to dye my hair light red or burgundy red.” “Oh really? You should,” Jimin adds, “but I hope you choose well because not everyone can pull off colors like that.” And you could see the way Woosung scoffs and speaks. “Yeah, I know.” You didn’t understand whether they were genuinely having a conversation or were they subtly throwing shade at one another. Either way, you were being completely ignored even after you tell Jimin to take the upcoming turn which he misses. The two of them were just “talking” and the car passed the turn and you just sit and wait for them to stop. “Umm guys,” you say after they both become quiet. “Yeah?” They say in unison. “We passed the turn,” you tell them and Jimin lets out a small “oops” then Woosung asks why you didn’t mention before and you scoff at him. “You were sitting in the front!! You should’ve seen it tooo,” you complain. “Plus you two were so busy talking that when I did say it, I got ignored.” “My apologies,” Jimin says in his calm voice as he turns the car to take a u-turn. “I was so engrossed talking to my new friend.” He adds and you could tell the sarcasm in his tone. “Why, me too,” Woosung retaliates sarcastically with a smile that you just couldn’t figure out. You could tell the atmosphere wasn’t good and you sat and beat yourself up in your head for thinking it’d be a good idea for the three of you to be in one place. Especially on this specific day. You were relieved when Jimin stopped his car two houses away from your house since you didn’t have to worry about what will happen of these two spent two more minutes around each other. Woosung was getting the bags out and Jimin just stood there smiling at you while you smiled back at him. You thank Jimin for bringing you here safely and ask him what will he do now. “Well,” he says while looking around. “I saw a motel around here so I will stay the night there and drive back tomorrow.” “That’s good. I should text you the good places in the town then!” You exclaim rather excitedly and it causes Jimin to smile at you. The kind of smile that makes your stomach melt and your heart skip beats. The kind that gets you lost in those few seconds making it feel like a long time had passed. “Yes, thank you for dropping us,” Woosung interrupts and clears his throat. He lightly pushes you forward to keep you walking and reminds you where you were. He turns and thanks Jimin for bringing you safely too and you smile at how his nice side is always there no matter what. He starts to walk towards you but then turns around and says something to Jimin and they both nod. Unfortunately, you couldn’t hear the words that were exchanged that moment but they seemed less tense then so you guessed it’d be a good thing. Once Woosung comes up to you and gestures you to keep walking, you decide to ask him what it was that him and Jimin said but he just shook his head and said “nothing special”. The rest of the evening was pretty much the same as always when you and Woosung would visit your homes during break. His house was just on the opposite side of your house so his family would bring in food to your house or yours would go over to their house. Today, it was your family that were hosting. Dinner was good as always. Your father was a chef and his food and cooking were just delightful and homely. Everyone was talking and chatting about each other or asking you and Woosung of life in the city. You were relaxed when no one asked how you got here because had someone mentioned it, you knew you’d get nervous. Your parents never really approved of you meeting up with guys they didn’t know. Or any guy as a matter of fact. But Woosung had always been an exception. Sure in the first years of your friendship, there were many incidents that must’ve been hell for Woosung but with time, your parents just seemed much more relaxed when they knew he was around. After everyone had settled and eaten, everyone was busy with their own thing. Your parents’ were drinking wine and talking about God knows what and you decided to walk out to the back yard. You were actually thinking of Jimin and if he got to a hotel safely and if he ate or not. You were wondering about him when you hear the back door slide open and Woosung smiles as he joins you sitting on the porch. There was an awkward silence since you two hadn’t talked about what happened earlier at the university today. You still didn’t know why Woosung reacted the way he did. He seems like he’s feeling better right now but you really weren’t sure at this moment. This was the first time he snapped and reacted this way towards a guy who was talking to you. To be honest, you were quite taken back and confused by it but of course he has his reasons so you wait until he feels comfortable enough to tell you. Which by the looks of the vibes meant that he was going to say something, maybe he didn’t know how to start or what to say. “Is everything okay?” You ask, deciding to help him form words and start the conversation he so desperately wants to have. “Oh - uh - yeah,” Woosung stutters and clears his throat. “It’s just... I wanted to apologize about how I behaved earlier.” He wasn’t looking at you but at the grass and the wooden steps that you two were seated on. “Earlier as in?” You ask trying to clear out which earlier he meant. Did he mean the morning at your campus or when him and Jimin were sharing the sarcastic and unpleasant remarks back and forth? You wait for him to reply but he seems like he was really having a hard time getting his thoughts right. You had never seen Woosung this way before and it made you wonder if he really was alright or not. “Woosung?” You add, genuinely worried now with how he seemed. The puzzled and confused expression he had and the uneasy and uncertain look in his brown eyes was not something you were used to. Despite knowing each other for so long, this was the first time he seemed the way he seemed tonight. He looks at you and smiles softly before continuing. “The things I said earlier about Jimin and you back at uni,” he starts. “And also how I got mad at you.” “It’s okay,” you reply but he interrupts quickly. “No, it’s not. I shouldn’t have said the things I said. Yes that’s what my opinion still is but I’m sure you know how to handle your life and I shouldn’t have interfered with your life like that.” You frown at his words, not really knowing how to react or say to that. He still seems like he doesn’t fancy you being around Jimin and just couldn’t understand his quick judgment. Usually he would try to hang out and talk about it with you but why was he so annoyed at Jimin specifically, you had no idea. Woosung looks at you and smiles once again before saying. “I’m just worried about you.” And with that, he gets up and walks back into the house. You sit there bewildered with his energy and his words, wondering what was going on with him for him to behave this way. Yes he is awkward at many cases and he sometimes finds it hard to express how he feels and all. But this just overall seems like a whole different scenario to you. This wasn’t how you’d usually expect Woosung to act like. Was he still mad at you? Were you supposed to apologize to him too? You didn’t even know. A ping from your phone pulls you out of your thoughts and a smile forms on your face when you see Jimin’s name. He had texted to ask you if you ate and you two sent texts back and forth until it was time to sleep. By 11pm, your parents had already fallen into their sleep and you were still awake. Jimin texted you after a while suddenly and his text made you blush but also nervously excited. Jimin [11.15pm]: Can we meet now for a bit? You weren’t sure why he wanted to meet so suddenly but you sure didn’t mind at all. Your parents wouldn’t mind you leaving the house either since you would usually walk out the house or go for a walk whenever you visited so it wasn’t something abnormal. But you had to make sure they don’t know about Jimin and you had to make sure no one in the neighborhood or town would see you two together. There was a hiking track near your neighborhood and you decide that’s where you and Jimin could go. It would probably be empty... plus there was a spot you had which had the view of the town from there. You text Jimin back and ask him to stop next to the house he stopped at before while you go and put on some tights and a hoodie since it’d probably be breezy out. Your heart skips a beat when you see his reply that he had sent right away after you suggest where he should stop. Jimin [11.20pm]: already been waiting there *wink* How long had he been there? You smile sheepishly and tell him you’re walking towards there now. You spot his car and notice his eyes on you as there was a smile plastered on his face too. He sings out a sweet hello when you sit in the car and leans in for a hug. You were taken back by the hug but you hug back with just as much enthusiasm as he was hugging you. He smelled really nice too. His hug was cozy and warm and you could tell your heart will yearn for this comfort in the future too. Once the hug was broken, you see how he had his hair slicked back and wow did he look stunning. Your mind wished he’d kiss you and you instantly blush at the thought and look ahead, clearing your throat. He asks you where you should go and you suggest the “secret” place and he chuckles lightly at your choice of word and lets out an “oooh” teasingly. Looking in the back of the car, you notice he already had got some drinks and snacks as well which causes relief in your mind that you won’t have to go through the town and risk being seen with Jimin. Once you reach the spot, Jimin turns off the car and reaches back to grab the bag of snacks and drinks which makes you notice his features close up and the shape of his neck and jawline. Your mind was busy coming up with sinister thoughts that were too inappropriate for younger ones. Jimin smirks lightly and it causes you to blush and look away quickly. He probably knows what you were thinking about judging from his cocky smile. When the two of you close the car doors, you finally remember the peace this place brought you. The cool breeze and the distant noises of people or critters. The way the night wrapped the town and the way the stars shine. It always brought you a kind of peace you never found anywhere else. This specific spot right here held so many memories as well and it was a place to unwind and release all the thoughts or stress too. You just loved it here. You watch Jimin walk towards the edge of the cliff and he looks around in awe, his eyes sparkling at the sight and he breathes out a “wow”, barely a whisper but you could hear it. A smile forms at his reaction and you walk next to him putting your hands in your pocket and speak. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” You ask and he nods silently. “Very,” Jimin adds while his head turns to look up at the stars. “I see the Big Dipper from here too!” He suddenly exclaims excitedly, pointing towards the sky and you laugh out while agreeing with his excitement. “Wow, I like this secret spot of yours.” He adds after a while. The two of you were quiet at first when you decided to sit on a long flat rock. You shared snacks and you drank cola while Jimin was drinking a can of beer. He loved beer apparently. He said it helps him relax after a long day to set his mind loose and ease himself. Out of the blue, you just suddenly started talking about your memories here. Memories from highschool, the day you first met Woosung and how the two of you got close. Your memories together and your friends. You opened up about your parents and how they are strict and how you can’t really confide in them when you have a hard time in life. Jimin listened throughout the entire time. He actually sat there and genuinely listened. Only speaking when he felt like he needed to make remarks or he’d laugh at a memory that was funny or cute. Unknowingly, you two got closer to each other as the night grew deeper and cooler. Jimin was only 2 inches away and he was leaning on one of his stretched arm which was stationed behind you while you were feeling cozy close to him. You were so busy talking and enjoying the view and time that when you turn to look at Jimin while laughing at a memory, you notice how his eyes were on you. His eyes were studying your features and he seemed determined to achiever what his mind was telling him. Your smile slowly fades away as you make eye contact and then your eyes fall to his plump lips and you feel him getting close... or maybe you were getting close to him. Your mind and body completely alert and nervous about what was going to happen. Nervous about all the thoughts you had, all the wishes and hopes you had to interact with him. Your eyes close the second your lips graze against each other.

______________________________________________________

Hope you all liked this! Part 2 will be coming out too!!

Leave a comment or ask or feedback! I will appreciate it :)

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tessiete · 3 years

Note

For the Spotify fanfic ficlet: 12 for the Kenobi-Kryze fam? 🥺

@lightasthesun so here’s the deal. I STRUGGLED with this. Because I wanted to give you happy, fun, fluffy times, and there are some real bangers on my Wrapped. I mean, relative bangers.

But you picked probably the most Obitine-angst appropriate song ever, and I was like......oh, no. I can’t - I can’t do that to them.

So, after several days of thinking about it, we came up with this. It’s...I refuse to call it angst, bc everyone is alive, and well. It’s just like, some family fun times. Thanks, especially to the Obitine discord, and @duchess-of-mandalore @mg024 and Finn!

And anyway, I hope you love it! Thank you so much for the challenge! <3

Prompt: The Chain (Ingrid Michaelson)

THE CHAIN

The sky over Capital City is grey, and tremulous when they arrive on Coruscant. A natural storm had surged over the breakers of the planet’s ancient atmo regulators to sound its rage and fury out above the city. It’s rare, but not unheard of, and though some might take it as an ill omen, Satine thinks it a fair reflection of the twisting winds within her breast. Rain falls in great, heavy drops, lashing its grief across the transparisteel viewports as they break through the clouds. Thunder cracks, righteous and defiant. Lightning fractures the plate of the sky, reaching out with jealous fingers to touch the earth. Korkie has slept through it all, but Satine doesn’t want to miss any moment more than she must.

They hit the pad with the sudden jolt of gravity reasserting itself, the locking clamps securing them in place. She feels each shudder of the ship echoing in her bones, the soft satyn of her simple travelling gown like water over her skin. Every contrast feels sharp, and malicious. She takes Korkie’s small hand in her larger one, and together they wait for the ramp to lower, releasing them into the wilds outside.

And they are met.

Across the platform, standing silent in the downpour, is Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Though her vision blurs, and renders his face unreadable, she can see the straight line of his shoulders, the proud tilt of his chin, and the defiant stance of his feet spread wide. His hands are hidden in the fold of his cloak, and at his back are Masters Windu and Jinn.

At Satine’s back is the black maw of the ship, and the wind whistling through it. Korkie laughs, and she looks away from the Jedi to see her son, hands out, catching rain.

“It’s wet! Belli, look!” he says, showing her his hand, shining in the grey light. “The sky is crying!”

Satine feels the rain coursing over her own face, and smiles in recognition of his delight.

“It is,” she says. “Happy tears, of course. Coruscant is glad to meet you, kih'kairkiyc.”

He grins at her, and she squeezes his hand, and together they cross the narrow bridge from the ship’s dock to the reception platform where they are met by Obi-Wan. He steps forward, and bows, deep, and formal.

“Duchess,” he says. His voice does not waver, but lies flat, and orderly in the space between them.

He is much the same as she remembers, though his hair is longer, and his braid is cut. A beard has grown in, at long last, though she does not like how it covers his mouth, and hides half his face, and she longs to reach out and wipe it away so she might be able to read him again, like she used to. But there is more than an arm’s length between them, so instead, she nods her head in acknowledgement.

“Knight Kenobi,” she says, like glass, clean and showing nothing of itself.

Korkie tugs at her hand, and she pulls him forward to introduce him next. His fingers linger at the tips of hers as she lets him go. He takes a step. He takes a breath, and just as they’d practiced, he bows with his hands clasped before him, until his back is level with the floor.

“How do you do, Knight Kenobi?” Then, in succession, “Master Windu. Master Jinn.”

The three Jedi return the gesture. Master Windu is tense, and wary of her, she can tell, still unconvinced of the wisdom in this. Obi-Wan’s eyes are fixed on her, but Qui-Gon Jinn smiles at the boy, and Korkie stumbles back until he falls against his mother’s stomach, his hand reaching out to fist in the fabric of her gown to steady himself.

“Hello Korkie,” the old Jedi greets. His voice is soft, like birdwatchers in Keldabe before. “It’s good to finally meet you.”

Obi-Wan is pulled from his study of the past by this reminder of their present company. His hands drop, and he shifts, leaning towards her, his head ducked and uncertain.

“I apologise for the weather,” he says. “I would have - if there had been any indication of inclemence such as this, I would have suggested somewhere with a roof.”

“Of course,” Satine says, too quickly. Then, bridling herself, she continues. “Coruscant is usually such a civilised, and well-behaved planet, it could not have been foreseen.”

There is the promise of forgiveness at the end of her declaration, which Obi-Wan accepts with relief, and they smile at each other. It is brief, and carried more in their eyes, than in their mouths or hands, but it is there nonetheless.

“And you, Master Korkie,” says Qui-Gon, with a smirk of his own. “Are you more civilised, and well-behaved than you appear at first glance?”

He gestures to Korkies rumpled tunic, and mussed hair which sticks up in wild tussocks like knots of grass.

“Someone was rather exhausted by our journey,” says Satine, fondly. “He fell asleep just past Corsin.”

“It was rather a long flight,” says Korkie, in his own defence. “And I don’t much like flying. Lightspeed always feels funny.”

At this, Qui-Gon kneels to meet Korkie on his level, and speaks as if he is confessing some great secret.

“Do you know,” he says, “That Knight Kenobi also dislikes flying.”

Korkie throws a wondering glance at Obi-Wan, who shifts beneath the scrutiny.

“Truly?” he asks Qui-Gon.

The Jedi nods. “Yes, truly. Only he stays awake the whole time.”

“Why?”

“I think in order to complain,” says Qui-Gon. “He needs to be sure that I am equally as miserable as he is, otherwise he feels lonely for company. But it does make for a very long trip, from my point of view.”

“That’s silly, Knight Kenobi,” declares Korkie. He turns to address Obi-Wan directly, and though he speaks critically, his brow is lifted, and his eyes wide in an earnest desire to ease the knight’s discomfort. “It’s much better if you sleep,” he says, with all the wisdom of a moment. “The time goes by much faster.”

Obi-Wan is forced to accept his master’s censure with grace as to spare the gentle feelings of an innocent child, so he smiles, and bows to acknowledge the boy.

“As you say, Master Kryze. You are probably right.”

“I know I am,” Korkie says. “Even though I do look a little wild in the end. But I feel tidy. So I suppose it’s just a matter of which part of me you look at.”

With a rumble that starts deep in his belly, then tumbles out like thunder, Qui-Gon Jinn laughs.

“A man after my own heart,” he says, giving Korkie a little clap on the shoulder. “I foresee you will become a great Jedi, Kiorkicek Kryze.”

“Sorry to interrupt, Duchess, Obi-Wan,” says Master Windu, stepping between the parties, “But as this rain doesn’t look to be letting up any time soon, may I suggest we complete the investiture ceremony somewhere a little drier?”

He levels Obi-Wan with a challenging glance, but its severity is diminished somewhat by his own bedraggled state. Despite their equal exposure, the rain has somehow managed to do more damage to Mace Windu’s composure than any of the others. Perhaps because he is more conscious of his position, and his dignity than the other two, Qui-Gon being rather untroubled by such pretensions, and Obi-Wan still humbled and distracted by the circumstances in which he’s come face to face with the unquiet ghosts of his past. Both of them wear the rain with ease, but Mace has struggled, unable to convince himself of the need to shield himself, but conscious of the desire. His cloak is patchy with damp, and the top of his head reflects the sky, the water washing his face, and dripping from his lips and chin. It is clear that Obi-Wan feels this indignity on his superior’s behalf, but Satine fights laughter at the spectacle.

“I think that would be wise, Master Windu,” she says, her voice tripping and sparking with barely repressed delight.

“Thank you, ma’am,” he says, with a shallow bow. And then he says, “There is an air car waiting.”

And Satine feels her stomach drop.

She meets Obi-Wan’s eye over Mace’s shoulder. His gaze is steady, and somber and as he makes his answer to the master’s request, and she can hear farewell in the heaviness of his voice.

“Yes, Master Windu,” he says. “Satine, I’m sorry we must be so brief, but I -” and he stands gaping, and voiceless for a moment.

The tight knuckle of sickness twists in her gut, scraping across the raw nerves of the underside of her skin, buckling muscles, and shifting against her bones, but she swallows the nausea back, and saves Obi-Wan from the inexorable void of silence.

“Do not apologise, Obi-Wan,” she says. “These things cannot be helped. Perhaps it is better this way. Perhaps the sting will be less.”

“Like a plaster,” he says, numbly.

And she agrees. “Just like.”

Master Jinn’s rises from his crouch, leaving his hands to ghost over Korkie’s shoulders, his hand still wrapped in her own, and Obi-Wan still staring at her, still drowning in the rain. Master Windu is merciful then, and bows out his leave taking.

“I’ll prepare the car,” he says.

“Thank you, Mace,” says Qui-Gon, when no one says anything else, and Master Windu leaves them to say goodbye.

But still, no one moves. Silence falls, a fragile, lacework thing, too delicate to touch with the clumsy fingers of speech. They remain suspended in its web for an age, until Qui-Gon braves what the others cannot fathom, and speaks again.

“Obi-Wan,” he says, stepping away from Korkie to reach for his own grown padawan. “A word.”

He draws him aside, turning away, turning their backs to Satine and Korkie, and speaking quietly in Obi-Wan’s ear, an arm about his shoulders, and drawing him close in private assignation. At another time, she might feel ostracised and othered by this, but now, she is grateful. It is she who is with Korkie, and the Jedi who must stand apart.

She kneels to face her son, heedless of her skirt, of the thin satyn and how it catches at the rough duracrete, pulling taut, maybe tearing beneath the pressure of her knees. She doesn’t care. It doesn’t matter. What matters is this: herself, and her son, and the rain washing away the things between them.

“I don’t want to go,” says Korkie, and she grips his hands tighter than before.

“You must,” she says. “You must. You are going to be a wonderful Jedi Knight. Just think of that.”

“I don’t care,” he says. “I know I said before, but I changed my mind. I want to go home.”

“You can’t go home, kih'kairkiyc,” she replies, her tongue growing thick with a truth she hates to speak. “Remember? We talked about this. It’s dangerous. But you will be safe here. Knight Kenobi will protect you.”

“But who will protect you if I’m not there?”

“Oh, many people, Kiorkicek,” she says. “A whole court of people. All the people. The people of Mandalore will be my strength, and they will take very good care of me while you’re away, and one day, when you come home, they will be glad to meet you again, and so will I.”

“Do you promise?” he asks. “You won’t forget me? Even if I’m gone for a very long time?”

“Even if you were gone for almost as long as forever, I would never forget you, Kiorkicek Kryze. Ni kar'tayl gai sa'ad. Ratiin.”

“Ratiin,” he repeats. “Always, and always.”

“Yes,” she avows. “Now, do you remember what I told you?”

“To wash my face, and brush my teeth every day, even if I’m very sleepy.”

And she laughs, pulling him close to her breast, and tucking his head beneath her chin.

“Yes,” she says. “That is very important, but what else?”

“To listen to the masters, and study hard, and show respect, and try my best, and to always, always be very kind to Knight Kenobi, because he isn’t always very kind to himself.”

“Yes,” she whispers. She presses a kiss to his hair, and combs it as flat as she can. “That last part, most especially, kih'kairkiyc. Look after each other. For me.”

“Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum, Belli.”

“Bal Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum, balyc.”

“Satine?” The call is Obi-Wan’s and she looks up from the cradle of her embrace, and her son within it to see him standing cautious, and concerned a few paces away. “It’s time to go.”

“Of course,” she says. She stands. She takes Korkie’s hand, nestled in her own, and places it in Obi-Wan’s. For a moment, the three of them are one, together, and then…

She lets go.

“Goodbye, my Kiorkicek,” she says. “Remember what I told you. Kote, ijaa, aliit. Ratiin.”

He nods, and she can see his grip tighten on Obi-Wan’s hand, fierce determination rising in the face of her expectations. It is Obi-Wan who falters.

“Satine, I -” he shakes his head. His eyes match the storm. “I will do my best by him, I swear. I will not fail you. I will not.”

“I know,” she says, steady where he is not. “I would not give him up to another. None but you, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Gar ratiin ru’kar'taylir. Be gentle with it.”

He nods. There is nothing else to say, and they’ve always been terrible at goodbye. She smiles at Korkie one last time, and he points at the sky.

“Happy tears,” he says, and grins, wiping the salty streaks from his own face.

And with that, he tugs on Obi-Wan’s hand, and leads him off towards the distant figure of Mace Windu, and the air car waiting patiently to take them home.

But Satine is not alone.

Qui-Gon Jinn steps close, until she can feel his shoulder jut up against her own, the warmth of his body breaching the barricade of wet clothes, to soothe her own chapped skin, and she shivers against him.

For a moment, they say nothing, just watching as Obi-Wan turns to Korkie, and Korkie to Obi-Wan, chatting animatedly, his free hand swooping through the air. She imagines he must be telling him of their departure from Mandalore, and the world he left behind, and she hopes that selfishly, she might be included in as many of these stories as he thinks to tell, because he is in all of hers. Qui-Gon chuckles beside her.

“Fast friends, already,” he says.

“Forgotten just as fast,” she whispers, nearly losing the words to the storm. But Qui-Gon is listening closely.

“Never that,” he says. He wraps an arm around her shoulders, and she yields like water, dropping her head to his shoulder, and weeping into the crook of his neck.

“I thought I was ready,” she says, hitching breaths to match the shifting winds. “But it has come too soon.”

She feels his chin press against her skull, and though it isn’t exactly comfortable, there is comfort in the angles of his affection, and she leans closer to him, until her arms sneak beneath the wet folds of his outer robe, and wrap around his waist. She clings there, as though she might blow away. This is familiar, though it is an old, old memory, now. She was once a girl, before she was a Duchess, and Qui-Gon Jinn was once to her the very thing her father could not be. She was bereaved, but never lost, and there were many nights that Qui-Gon held her while she wept just like this. It is easy to reach for him, now. It is easy to look back.

“You are never ready,” he says, his voice vibrating so near to her ear it is as though he speaks to her from within her own mind. “But he is not going very far. He is with his family. He is with his father. You are not losing him to the wilderness.”

“No,” she says. “Only to the Force.”

He does not chide her for the bitterness upon her tongue.

His own words remain gentle, and soothing, and he rocks her in his arms, as they watch the matched set of their hearts walk away.

“Then I have lost my own heart twice,” he says. “First to the Force, and then to you. But people always come back, in one way or another. No one is gone forever.”

And as they reach the car, as though he hears their call from across a vast, unending night, and over the wind and roar of the storm, Obi-Wan looks back, and Qui-Gon smiles.

“Oh, look,” he says, as the knight turns once more to his son. “There he goes again.”

Satine buries her face in Qui-Gon’s arms, and though she doesn’t feel at peace, for a moment, she feels like she has come home.

#my fic #prompt fill #spotify prompt fill #the chain #korkie kryze #korkie is a kenobi #obitine #satine kryze #obi-wan kenobi #qui-gon jinn #mace windu

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chews-erotically · 4 years

Photo

*Waxing Gibbous

Pairing: Ezra + femNurse! Reader

Rating: Hard M / 18+ ONLY

* Warnings: None really, maybe more angst/ comfort

* Summary: You arrive on Central and begin your recoveries.

* Word Count: ~1500

*Part ONE* *Part TWO* *Part THREE* *Part FOUR* *Part FIVE* *Part SIX* *Part SEVEN*

PART EIGHT

If you had fled the Green moon even ten minutes later, Ezra would have died. That was the grim information relayed to you by the sling-back medic after he’d been rushed to a med cot, given high-flow oxygen and sedated. He was critically ill. You’d been told immediately upon arrival and quick assessment that once you reached the Pug you were going to be transferred directly to a teaching hospital on Central.You were faring a bit better, but not by much. Your shoulder had been cleaned and bandaged. As you were conscious, you were given supplemental oxygen through a nasal cannula.

The medic had attempted to press for some detail concerning how you’d both ended up in such states. Exhausted and struck numb, you’d simply shrugged and moved to rearrange the intravenous line of lactated ringer’s solution going into the catheter inserted into the top of your forearm. The machine had started beeping, and the sound was like a hammer to your skull.

Once you reached the Pug things moved quickly indeed. Transport was coordinated in the Pug med bay and a nurse approached you, stating that she would be taking you into an exam room to obtain an updated set of vitals and enter your information into their data system. You had refused.

“I’m not leaving him.”

Clearing his throat, the nurse tried to explain the protocol he had to follow. You held up your hand to still his speech.

“Save it. You won’t change my mind. I’m not leaving him.”

***

Once on the transport you’d been able to keep your eyes open for perhaps twenty minutes. You’d passed out sitting on the hard metal bench with your head slumped forward onto Ezra’s cot, your hand clasping his.

***

Central was cacophonic. After the eerie quiet of the Green the sounds, chatter, colors and thrumming life surrounding you was beating into your brain like a staccato mace. Your head throbbed. You flinched away from the shoulders brushing past you. You were close to panic, overwhelmed by the sensory overload. You took deep, measured breaths. You stayed as close to Ezra’s cot as possible. You had to resist the urge to climb into it with him and throw a blanket over your head.

They were going to have to take Ezra away from you. You knew this logically. He was fragile. Needed intubation, needed close surveillance. He was most likely septic at this point and it was uncertain if the damage he’d suffered to his lung tissue would be permanent. You knew he might still die. You knew this, and you wept openly, pitifully.

“WAIT!” you’d croaked out, shakily grasping the shoulder of the ICU nurse who had begun rushing him down the hallway for STAT bloodwork.

She’d turned to you with sympathy shading her features.

You gazed at her name badge through waterfalls.

“....Mollen. That’s your name?”

A pause. “Yes,” she’d replied softly. You knew you needed to trust her.

“His feet get cold at night. Only at night, otherwise he says they’re like furnaces. He can’t sleep well if his feet aren’t covered. Please cover his feet. Please,” you’d choked.

She had given you a small, sad smile. “Of course.”

“Thank you, Mollen.”

You had stood pathetically twisting your hands together with tears coursing unabashed until Ezra turned a corner and disappeared from you.

***

“Prognosis is precarious,” One of the physicians had pulled you into a private room to go over findings with you. You had since been seen and treated; miraculously you had not needed surgery, though you would most likely have permanent nerve damage to your thumb and two fingers on your left hand. You’d been told that you’d most likely be in the hospital for a week or two; you needed IV antibiotics and respiratory therapy in addition to wound care.

You’d requested a private room as close to the ICU as possible, passing a piece of aurelac to the Intake Administrator. He’d accepted with wide eyes, and you’d gotten your room.

The doctor was solemn as she looked over the rims of her glasses at you.

“Your partner has diffuse opacities in the lower lobes of his lungs. The left is partially collapsed. We’ve intubated him, as you know, to allow his lungs time to rest and strengthen. He is septic, and he’s being treated with an experimental cocktail of three different antibiotics, dexamethasone for inflammation, and vasopressors to maintain his blood pressure.

“Fortunately, his body is strong and his kidney function is improving. He has remained without a fever for the past eight hours, so that is reassuring. If he continues to show improvement I am fairly confident that we can begin planning for extubation within the next two to three days. If he can tolerate extubation and begin breathing on his own, we can start weaning his oxygen and begin to wake him up.”

Though you knew what you were walking into, you steeled yourself.

You entered his room and stood a moment to process the sheer enormity of the amount

of medical equipment keeping Ezra alive. You took in the tubes and wires, the bags of

fluid infusing through catheters, the softly beeping sensors. When you were not in your

room or engaged in your own treatments, you were here. You pulled up the chair that

Mollen had placed especially for you, and you began your silent vigil once again.

Ezra looked so small in that bed, so fragile. He was dwarfed by the machinations

surrounding him. He was pale, wan. As you always did, you grasped his hand and

squeezed, ran your thumb over his knuckles the way he’d once done with you.

you talked to him softly, describing the room, going over what had happened since you

had escaped the Green. You talked about your own treatments and progress. You

described Central, how busy and bustling everything was, how many people flooded the

streets each day. Theatres you’d seen across from your window, coffee shops and

bars you wanted to explore with him. Your favorite activity was reading to him. You had

spent a great deal discussing all manner of art, and Ezra loved to talk about books both

well-loved and those he longed to read but had been unable to find. As you found

yourself in the incomprehensible position of having more credits than you could ever

imagine possessing, you had books delivered to your room.

Ezra was extubated the day you received your last dose of antibiotics. You were due to

be discharged in three days. His organ function had improved at a rate that had exceeded

the expectations of his medical team. His encyclopedic list of medications had shortened reassuringly. He was strong enough to tolerate the extubation and was transitioned to a nasal cannula. You rejoiced in this, though your anxiety spiked as the physicians began the arduous task of bringing him out of sedation. It did not happen all at once as many thought, but gradually and in increments. It happened in sighs and twitches, thrashes and groans. You wondered if he dreamed. You hoped that he could hear you repeat your devotions.

You had secured a lease downtown, finding a loft a block from the hospital. It was spacious, covered in windows that stretched, floor to ceiling, and opened onto a balcony that afforded you a breathless view of Central. You had never had something so nice in your life.

You had been discharged for two days, you had started to plan how to turn your new space into a safe space for both you and Ezra, when you were alerted by the hospital that Ezra had awakened. He was asking for you.

You doubt if your feet touched the ground as you rushed to the hospital, stopping only to catch your breath.

You entered his room panting, vibrating.

Ezra was sitting upright, the first time you’d seen him not supine in weeks. He was pale, he sported dark and sunken circles under his eyes. His hair was wildly curling, his blond streak sticking straight out. He was sipping gingerly on a cup of water with a shaking hand.

Your Ezra. Beautiful Ezra.

“.....Ez?”

He looked upon you as if you were an apparition. He went to move shakily to his feet, and you were there before he could stand. Enveloping him in your arms, kissing his face, feeling him and inhaling whatever you could of him, of his vibrant life.

Alive.

You realized you were both weeping, you chuckled as you took turns wiping the wetness from one another’s face. When he spoke, his voice was rough, you knew it would take time for Ezra to regain his mellifluous cadence.

“Beautiful star, our souls cannot escape one another, universe try as it might to tear us asunder.”

“I missed you, Ezra. Sweet love, I’m never letting you out of my sight ever again. Ever.”

“I wish you luck trying to part from me at this point, Dove.”

You knew you’d done something right, standing against him.

You knew you were home.

#chews-erotically writes #ezra prospect #ezra x reader #ezra #ezra fics

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mintvender · 3 years

Text

BTS’s Reaction to Y/N’s Wound/Scar

After raiding the palace

Harem!Au

Warnings: slightest suggestiveness in Jimin’s, slight angst

Masterlist

Kim Taehyung

Since he was a part of the raid, and one of the strategic planners of it, he was confused when he heard of the news. Everything should have been going as the original plan so what had happened that Y/N was put into harm? He hurriedly ran to your side to examine Y/N’s wounds. Turned out, the emperor managed to scratched your forearm during your fight but thankfully it was not life threatening yet still made Taehyung mad. Frustrated at himself for miscalculating the possibility but you managed to coaxed him out of such a depressing headspace by offering to spend time with him later. And with that, the young lad was back to his bubbly self.

When you guys were having your ‘date’, he would try to be as close to you as possible, constantly invading your personal space but that was normal when interacting with him. You guys would end up cuddling up to each other, with him lying on your other arm to avoid the wounded arm as you both stay there for seemingly hours, bathing in each other warmth, not caring if others misjudge your affection towards one another. During those hours, he would constantly promise you that he will never repeat those mistakes in the future. You can subtly sense his slight shivers as his voice began to crack as he still could not believe what could have happen if you were not as agile; his lifesaver, benefactor, and the love of his life might not be here if they were t— Before he could believe that, Y/N stopped him with their calm hums and gentle smile, comforting him by telling him that they believe him.

“ Y/N, I am so sorry. This will never happen in the future, I will make sure of it.”

Kim Namjoon

During the entire raid, Namjoon stayed in his residence waiting for his cue to appear as he was also a part of the plan. Unfortunately, before he could even see the cue, a soldier ran into his office startling him. Turn out, multiple members were injured and need his help. Sighing, he quickly stand up and rushed to get the materials needed. He then ushered the soldier outside to bring more people to help him carry his stuff. As soon as the soldier return, they immediately headed off to the fields.

When he got there, he almost rolls his eyes with the amount of the wounded. What made him did not do so, was when he spotted a reflection of a familiar blade. He looked over to see Y/N sitting on the floor, wrapping their injured arm with bandages. Namjoon wanted to rush over there to help them but he knew that they would refuse his help, claiming that there were many others that were at a more critical state. With that in mind, he decided to get to work, trying to increase his pace to go to you faster. He along with many medical members of the organization did their absolute best, and within an evening, they were done with all the patients— except for you that is.

Namjoon was the first person to volunteer treating you and was happily on his way to do so since the rest of the medical helpers were too exhausted to protest. He arrived at your new room inside the palace that was clearly cleaned with how different it looked compared to when the Min emperor had occupied it. This time, Y/N accepted his help and he quickly got to work, applying various herbs onto the wound. As he continue to do so, they made little conversation to help pass the time and by the time Namjoon finished, they were both content with the amount of time they had spend together.

“ Y/N, this is Namjoon. I am here to apply medicine on your wounds.”

Jung Hoseok

As he did not know about the raiding plan that his father had revealed that he was a part of, he did not know who you were. The first time he saw you was after the raid, with you sitting on the throne, with a wounded arm? His father offered one of his best physician but was denied by you, claiming that you were fine. Meanwhile, here he was, standing behind his father not knowing what to do. When you had asked his father about him, he happily introduced you both, subtly hinting that Hoseok was gifted to you. Knowing that he was getting abandoned and into a tyrant’s hand, we wanted to protest but decided not to, knowing that it is useless. Much to his surprise, you requested to have a private meeting and of course his father happily accepted on his behalf.

The morning after such an eventful day, Hoseok realized that he was standing in front of your resting chamber, waiting for permission to enter. Unlike his normal happy self, he could barely stand on his legs without them shivering like crazy. When the time came to enter your chamber, he expected it to be filled with expensive decoration but was met with one, in which was simpler than his. Y/N was currently sitting against a large table next to their bed, working on some paperwork. When they saw him, they unexpectedly smile, shocking him in the process. You gestured him to come closer to you until you both were sat opposite of each other. As he come closer to you, he noticed that you kept holding your injured arm— as if you were protective of it. Amidst the moment, he asked if he could help you apply medicine. You were suprised but didn’t denied. That was the beginning of your great relationship. And by the time he left your chamber, the thought of being married to you did not seem so heartbreaking.

“ M-m... may I assist you in applying your medicine?”

Min Yoongi

The moment he saw you ended his father’s disgusting life, he was devoted to you, determined to pay you back. Unfortunately, many considered him to be threatening the safety of the mission so he was not able to work and as a result, forced to be in a courtyard for the remaining of his years; well that was what he thought, at least. This, however change, when you both met each other again the evening after the successful raid. Turned out, Y/N went to offer him an opportunity to secure his safety and lifestyle. Before Y/N could even reveal what they were talking about, Yoongi nods his head immediately; he even begged you to take him under your wing. Y/N was bewildered by how fast Yoongi had accepted and offer him to go somewhere else more private to talk. Yoongi immediately opened up and told you that he wanted to repay you for getting him out of his father’s grasp but didn’t know how to do so. The poor boy was getting so distressed that his eyes couldn’t help themselves to turn into a waterfall. Y/N tried to comfort him but they realized that no amount of comfort would be better than to let it all out— the dam that the poor prince had build up for himself had collapsed by the tough water tides. So Y/N did th enter best thing and hug him/

It took some time for Yoongi to calm down in Y/N’s arm but when he was finally able to, he noticed that Y/N’s left arm was profusely bleeding. During his breakdown, he had desperately hold onto that arm and unfortunately worsen its condition. Y/N, however, managed to assure him before he get another breakdown. The poor prince didn’t know how to treat a wound so he resulted in profusely apologize to them. Y/N quickly shook their head, assuring him, but Yoongi was not convince. Unexpectedly, he reached for their arm and slowly blow on it to help get rid of some of the pain. He kept doing that, while kneeling on the ground. He only stoped when his legs were beginning to ache but was still somewhat unsatisfied and made Y/N to update him on their recovering process. That was the only incident that Y/N had seen him this vulnerable in public and is glad that he feels comfortable enough to be vulnerable around them.

“ Y-y-you are bleeding. It was my fault that you got worse. Let me help you ease the pain... you’re my savior after all.”

Jeon Jungkook

It was a few weeks after you guys successfully took over the castle and everything was seemingly falling into their space. Jungkook was happy by your side away from the rest of the soldiers who were constantly either pitying him or mock him because of his lineage. At least with you, no one would dare to speak without thinking first and he was overjoyed to finally be able to relax. To him, you were a very strange person; how can you be so wise yet kind to a nobody like him? There were many times that you would burden yourself to teach him about strategic planning, yourself. Why would the ruler teach their own bodyguard? As much as he find this fact strange, he noticed that every time you raised your left arm to high, your posture would be a little too stiff. After a few sessions and a lot of planning, he finally decided to ask you about your arm. Y/N answered while looking at him, quietly scanning his expression to see his horrified face? Seeing that he had no idea, you began to explain the details and by the end, he looked to much like a bunny that you couldn’t help but chuckle.

Meanwhile, Jungkook was shock by the information that was just given to him. Of course getting injured during a battle was normal but how did he not know this, he was their bodyguard and did not know that his master was injured? He quickly told himself that he was yet their bodyguard at that time but that quickly was forgotten as he he got mad at himself for not being observant enough. Jungkook then told them that there was no need for them to continue teaching him when they were in this stage. You then quickly assured him that you were fine but decided that it was not worth the effort when you saw his determined expression. With that said, Jungkook bowed to you and quickly exited the room, going to see Namjoon for more medicine.

“ Your highness, there is no need for you to overexert yourself for me. Please take more time to rest and get back to perfect condition as soon as possible.”

Kim Seokjin

Since he did was not present in the first few months of the newly renovated nation, he definitely did not expect for you to have a scar on your forearm. With your kingdom’s regular clothing, both your arms were on displayed for the world to see but Seokjin was secretly possessive of that. Anyways, you guys were bonding each other at a rather fast pace so it did not suprised anyone when you invited him over to your courtyard; Seokjin was ecstatic and began to brag about it to the servants that he had brought with him. When the time came to meet you, he put on one of his best outfit and headed out the door and practically prancing towards your courtyard. Unfortunately before he got to examine you, all he saw was an ugly scar on your forearm; he would have fainted if it wasn’t for his strong will of staying strong. He then summoned his servants to run back and get the best mediocre from his luggage while yelling at you for being so careless.

When the servant was about to apply the medicine, he interrupted, insisting that he could do it, himself resulting in a big mess on your already chaotic-looking arm. Begrudgingly he handed the bottle to the servant to let them take care of you when you jokingly comment about his obevious overusage of medicine. Unexpectedly, his face was burning up from embarrassment but he feigned ignorance to that even after you teased him. Not wanting to be a victim of your teasing, he decided to yelled at you for your carelessness and asked who had harm you. After he found out that it was the former king, he frustratedly huff as he could no longer do anything to the dead man but when poor Taehyung got mentioned, he decided that it was his mission to make sure Taehyung would never repeat the same mistake again. Poor Taehyung, after feeling so guilty, he is now getting yelled at by another country’s merchant who is unfortunately older than him; at least, he could go to you for comfort.

“ YAH! What were you thinking fighting that wretched bastard alone. Were you out of your mind??? Answer me, Y/N!”

Park Jimin

It was once of those nights where Jimin was constantly teasing you with his requests flirts. This time, however, he somehow managed to slip into your chamber and was laying on your oh-so comfortable bed when you entered the room. You were planning to continue brainstorming some plans but it seems that this particular warm night was not in your favour. There he was, lying suggestively on your bed with a knowing look. Unfortunately, you were not in the mood and decided to dismiss him before letting yourself plopped on the sit and tried to work. Jimin, however, did not listen to your command and was heading towards you. He sneakily sat in fron tof you and looked at you prettily. That was when you admitted that, whoever had trained him did a great job in making him manipulated. With that in mind, you absentminded said that out loud causing the boy’s expression to immediately drop, his posture went stiff, and his eyes no longer held the flirtiness from before. Thinking that he would leave after such comment, you turned yoru attention back to yoru pile of papers but was once again interrupted by a painful force on your cheek that forced your head to follow the force’s direction. You instinctly placed your hand on your cheek at looked at Jimin, suddenly you realized what had happen. He had just slapped you.

The atmosphere in the room was getting tenser as the moment continue to prolong; with Jim angrily glaring at you and yourself not being able to hide your surprised expression. He then yelled at you for saying such disrespectful words to his teacher but you quickly yelled back, provoking him even more. He continued to yell at you while you follow right after; you did not know why he was so angry, it was clear that his mentor’s teachings were wrong. Before you could try to explain their actions to him, Jimin suddenly froze in his spot, his eyes stared into yours, surprised. One moment you can see him stare at you, unmoving, the next you can see him on the floor to not hit him. Confused, you crouched down and hugged him, apologing for your precious rash actions. You, however, were not going to let his previous pass; who had hit him? When he was able to calm down a bit, you decided to ask him.

At first, he looked very reluctant but ultimately decided that it would be best. He then explained everything; from how much hate he got from his family for being a male, to getting send to a boarding school to help train him to be the perfect husband, and convince him that beating him was a way to help discipline him. By the end of Jimin’s heartbreaking story, you were fuming with rage but decided that it was not the best time. During the process, you noticed that he continued to fidget in his spot and constantly scratch his expose skin which were littered with scars; he usually were long sleeves but decided that today was an exception. You worried that he would end up hating his body and to confirm that hypothesis, you asked him and the answer was what you had expected. You then decided to show him the scar that you had accumulated during the fight with the emperor. slowly explained to him that this was a part of you, and made who you are today; that even if it was not pretty, it made you. You would go back and forth between those sentences to make sure that he understand your purpose. But before he can say anything, you also offer him a chance to erase faint scars or help fade ones that he hated. In the moment, Jimin smiled at your caring actions and replied that he will think about it. Satisfied with the answer, you then let him cuddle up to you until the early dawn had cracked the midnight sky. Now you are proud to say that Jimin is slowly getting more confidant in his body.

“ You also have them? Why do you keep showing them off? It’s a part of you? What does that mean? Do you think that I can be like you?”

#harem au #bts seokjin #bts yoongi #bts rm #bts reactions #bts imagines #bts hoseok #bts jimin #bts taehyung #bts Jungkook #bts angst #bts x reader #bts x y/n #bts harem au #MintVender #Ot7

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theliteraryluggage · 1 year

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I posted 2,563 times in 2022

That's 1,594 more posts than 2021!

147 posts created (6%)

2,416 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@cutetomholland

@raedear

@theliteraryluggage

@cheyla-v

@seek--rest

I tagged 2,390 of my posts in 2022

Only 7% of my posts had no tags

#i think i made queue up inside my head - 1,830 posts

#spiderling - 355 posts

#yoi - 245 posts

#nwh - 92 posts

#nihi writes stuff - 81 posts

#tom holland - 67 posts

#ask - 62 posts

#fma - 62 posts

#answered - 62 posts

#nihi does art - 60 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#i never thought about this but i'm guessing it comes from some biscuits or other baked goods that are chocolate covered on one side? so you'

My Top Posts in 2022:

Common Fanfic Mistakes pt. II: Homophones

If you missed the first part focusing on idioms, you can find it here!

Once again, this is not meant as a criticism but as a helpful reference! Mistakes happen and that's ok but maybe we can learn something.

Homophones

pour vs pore

The rain was pouring in rivulets down the window. He'd been poring over the books for hours now.

to PORE, as a verb, has only this one very specific meaning: to spend hours bent over a book or ruminating on a problem, trying to find information or solution.

weary vs wary

The long journey had left them weary, but they still couldn't help but feel wary of the weirdly friendly strangers.

WEARY is a state of being tired, exhausted and run down, especially after travel or work. You can also be emotionally weary, when it's just been too much and you need a break.

WARY is a state of being careful and slightly distrustful in circumstances that might not be entirely trustworthy.

leery vs (to) leer

She knew she'd been right being leery when the man leered at her.

LEERY is much the same as WARY, being sceptical and mistrustful.

to LEER refers to a creepy or salacious grin or smile, usually used in an unflattering context.

peak vs peek vs pique

His fatigue reached its peak just as the sun was starting to peek over the horizon. Still, the fog rolling over the hills piqued his interest.

PEAK is the summit of a mountain or a hill, or a more metaphorical height, such as peak traffic hours. Similarly, as a verb, to peak means to reach the highest mark.

to PEEK refers to taking a quick, furtive or premature look at something. Like someone peeking only just around a corner, or someone sneaking to take a look at the christmas presents.

(w)rack vs wreck

They were wracked with guilt at having to wreck this beautiful, stately old mansion.

to (W)RACK--this can be spelled with or without a w--is to be torn up and tormented, usually with guilt, but sometimes also with poverty, hunger or shivers.

to WRECK means to destroy or lay waste to something

wan vs wane

She looked up at the waning moon with a wan smile.

See the full post

102 notes - Posted October 12, 2022

Please consider:

A character who always wears their hair tied back leaving it down. soft. vulnerable.

Also consider:

A character who always wears their hair down tying it back. shit's about to go down.

102 notes - Posted September 13, 2022

Common Fanfic Mistakes pt. I: Idioms

Since there was a decent response I decided to make good on my promise to write up some of the most common mistakes I've been seeing in fanfic recently, focusing in particular on homophones (words that sound the same but have a different spelling and meaning) and idioms and idiomatic phrases (phrases that are often used and recognised in combination).

Now, this isn't meant to attack anyone; these mistakes can happen very easily and for me they don't really take away from my enjoyment of a story, even if they do make me pause sometimes. But as someone who has picked up many phrases just by reading, both books and fanfic, I know how quickly it happens that you first read it somewhere used wrongly and you absorb it into your vocabulary without even knowing it's not right.

So! For those interested, I want to list up a few of the most common things I've seen, along with explanations and example sentences. This got pretty long so I'm dividing it up into two posts: this first focusing on idioms and the second on homophones.

Disclaimer: I am not a native English speaker myself, so I'm not claiming to be 100% accurate here, but I did do some research and I have a MA in English/International Literature, so I do know a little bit what I'm talking about.

Idioms

There's certain idiomatic phrases that are very popular in fanfic, I seem them over and over again--but I also see them used incorrectly a lot. Let's get right into it with what might be the most common.

To make a beeline for something

Unlocking the door, he made a beeline for the bed and dropped face-down into it.

This one confused me when I first encountered it in fanfic. I hadn't heard it before, but having seen the kind of bumbling, roundabout way bees fly from flower to flower, I thought that's what it meant: to make a slow, meandering path. Only it didn't fit into the context, bc it turns out, it means the opposite: To take the quickest, most direct way possible. It does actually relate to the bee, the insect, though: it's meant to reference the way a bee takes the quickest route back to its hive. So it is actually a beeline, not a b-line, as I have often seen it spelled. Who knew!

wreaking havoc

He didn't know how the raccoon got in, but it was now wreaking havoc in his kitchen.

a phrase that means to cause mayhem or bring about distruction, I often see it spelled wreck havoc, which doesn't seem farfetched, given the meaning. But to wreak means to bring about or cause, and that's what you do with chaos and destruction: you bring it about, you don't destroy the destruction. Havoc, by the way, used to refer to plundering and pillaging. Also interesting: The past tense of wreak it wreaked--not wrought.

at someone's beck and call

I cannot be at your beck and call 24/7! I have a life of my own, you know?

I often see this as beckon call, another understandable mistake, since the word beckon does exist, means the same as simply beck, namely to wave someone towards you or give a hand signal, and is more commonly used today. If someone is at your beck and call, though, they will cater to your every whim when you beck them AND when you call them.

one and the same

She realised that Lucky and The Hallowed were just titles for one and the same person.

two things so identical it's not enough to say the are one, or to say the are the same. they are one AND the same. That's how identical they are. One in the same, as I sometimes see it spelled, makes me more think of two peas in a pod.

case in point

You need sleep. Case in point: You just watered the plants with cat food.

If you try to give an example for an argument you're making, you bring up a case in your point, as in a case in support of your point, rather than a case and point.

getting off scot-free

We all knew they were guilty, but they got off scot-free.

TBH, neither the correct phrase nor the version that I often see in fics, getting off scotch free, made much sense to me before I looked up the origin. It has nothing to do with the people of Scotland or their finest whiskey--apparently the scot was a tax that people living in a town or village had to pay. If you lived outside the bounds and were able to avoid the tax, well--you were scot-free.

a shoo-in

With her charisma and eloquence, she was a shoo-in for chairwoman.

not a shoe-in, as you might think. This phrase, refering specifically to someone sure to win a competition or election, does not relate to having a foot in the door. It's a term originating from horse racing, referencing the action of driving the horse in a certain direction with gestures and noises. Shoo! Originally it was used to refer to rigged races, but it has lost most of that negative connotation today.

getting down to brass tacks

We don't have any more time to waste, let's get down to brass tacks!

See the full post

143 notes - Posted October 6, 2022

Here is what the sea smells like. It is more texture than scent, because the sea is primarily made of two substances that have no smell of their own: water and salt. Salt has no smell, but makes the air sting, and so all of the other smells of the sea are layered upon the pang of salt. Water has no smell but instead a comfort. We feel moisture as life and so the smells of the ocean are layered upon the contentment of the water. Salt is treble and water is bass. I don't know how I know this is true, but I know it is true. The sea smells like old wood and wet leaves. Like cold mud and warm stone. Like every creature who has ever lived in it, a churning graveyard and nursery. Like winds from the inland carrying the hot circulation of life and winds from the ocean carrying the distant froth of waves against ships and islands. Like gray, only more so. Like blue, only less so.

The Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives In Your Home, Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor

1,313 notes - Posted March 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

rotating my blorbo in my mind like the cough drop in my mouth, slowly stripping away layer after layer as I let it soothe me, until I reach its very core where it is soft, and I can crush it.

3,085 notes - Posted October 17, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #what are we learning from this?#a) i reblog myself too much #b) a queue tag skews the statistics #c) my spidey obsession in the first half of the year went hard #d) i should make more original posts #long post

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mariaiscrafting · 3 years

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Let’s talk about the old Techno tweets

For a week now, I’ve been sitting on this ask that linked me to a Twitter callout thread on SBI. Although I have many thoughts about the entire thread, I’ve since only had the time and will to respond to the Techno part, and I figured instead of keeping it in my drafts and waiting to gather the energy to write the rest, I’d just post what I have.

Here is the thread, for reference: https://twitter.com/burner0321/status/1379103348364865536?s=21 Trigger Warnings: anti-semitism, mentions of genocide, racism, n* slur, r* slur, ableism, lesbophobia, racism Please prioritize your health and safety, and do not engage with this thread or this post if you will get triggered by any of the aforementioned. I love you, please take care of yourself, first.

So, let’s talk Technoblade’s history of making “edgy” jokes. When CCs tend to use edginess as a cover for offensive humor, they tend to do so to cover up the fact that their humor involves taking shots at minorities or employs harmful stereotypes, without addressing why people get offended by such jokes. However, when I call Technoblade’s old humor edgy, this is not what I mean. The reason I do not think people are justified in demanding an apology or addressing of the jokes in the Twitter thread is because they do not use the minorities or horrible things they address as the punchline. A joke can be in bad taste, without being malicious. This is edgy humor. In explaining my point, I want to address as many of the specific things in the thread as possible.

1) I don’t fully understand the “was Hitler a lesbian?” tweet or the title of that video, so I won’t address that. If someone has something to say about it, feel free to reply to this post, I’d love to see what you think of it.

2) Next, we have the, “titling my next video ‘mvp++ is worse than nazi germany’” tweet. What is the joke in this tweet? The joke is that the comparison between a Minecraft game and a fascist regime that caused genocide is ridiculous, and as such, would be effective clickbait, and draw people into the video. The joke is not that Nazi Germany should be taken lightly; it is actually the complete opposite.

3) Next, “#askpewds do you have any constructive criticism for Nazi Germany.” Frankly, without the context of timeframe or what the hell was going on within the Twittersphere at the time, I can only make a reach as to what this joke meant. I assume it’s in reference to the time period during which Pewdiepie was being framed as a fascist by several media outlets, and could either be a joke on the fact that people believe Pewdiepie to be a neo-Nazi, or a shot at Pewdiepie himself, by playing on the fact that he actually does espouse neo-Nazi beliefs. Again, the punchline is far from, “Nazi Germany was good,” or anything along those lines. Edgy, not anti-semitic.

4) The vampireZ tweet. The joke here is, “why did vampireZ think this was a good idea,” not, “haha get it, black people kill people.” As with many of these kinds of jokes, the existence of the word, “black” in the joke makes people think he is insulting black people. In reality, the tweet points out that the game is fitting into the history of media portraying black people as the more aggressive, violent, and/or murderous characters, and is like, “hey, isn’t this kinda fucked?”

5) This tweet actually does make an offensive joke that is malicious in its intent. Congratulations, we are five tweets in, and we finally found a joke that makes minorities the punchline. I completely understand people’s criticisms of this one. The punchline here is, “haha, I’m one of those entitled people who claims that racial profiling is the reason I was wronged,” and this minimizes the fact that racial profiling is an real, serious, and widespread problem. This tweet makes it seem like people claim that racial profiling is the reason they are excluded from spaces or that punitive actions that were enacted upon them are doing so unjustly. This can be extrapolated from the fact that it’s ridiculous to think that a) a Minecraft server would racially profile someone, and b) that a white person would be racially profiled.

6) This tweet literally just seems like a sarcastic response to someone who was accused of being a white supremacist and/or racist. Presumably, SealPlays was defending himself of not being racist, and Technoblade responded sarcastically that he was "totally” trying to recruit him to the KKK. I literally see no reason someone thought this was malicious? This does not make light of the KKK, and it doesn’t make black people or any other group or individual victimized by the KKK the punchline.

7) The slavery jokes. Presumably, the slavery jokes are in reference to the times on his Skyblock, SMP Earth, and/or Dream SMP streams and videos, during which Technoblade has done bits about making some of his friends slaves for him, so he has to do less work. Again, slavery jokes might be in bad taste, but there was literally no racial context to this, given that he wasn’t make jokes about any black CCs being his slaves. This is not to mention that he always played up the role of the one telling the people what to do, making it out to be a very negative role that only an arrogant, selfish, and/or callous person would fill. Think, Alec Baldwin playing Trump. This part of the thread is, however, so vague, that it’s hard to know exactly what instances the OP is even talking about.

There are several reasons I am personally angered by this section of the thread, but in an effort to make this post shorter, I’ll only discuss two: One, there are genuinely things that CCs, including Technoblade, have said, that carry ignorant and malicious connotations. The racial profiling joke is just one example. To create a thread where most of the examples are absolute bullshit, lack context, and/or were misinterpreted on your part is a disservice to minorities who want to have productive conversations about genuinely harmful things. I want to talk about this idea that minorities who talk about their experiences with microaggressions, such as racial profiling, are seeking attention/using an excuse/lying. But that one tweet is so buried under this mountain of bullshit that has everyone talking over each other and screaming, that the one conversation we should be having cannot be had. Two, I am utterly exhausted at watching people misinterpet jokes. As I have already said again and again, just because a joke mentions something horrible, does not mean it is malicious, or that it even harms anyone. A joke needs to make light of something horrible and/or make minorities the punchline to cross the line from “edgy” to “explicitly offensive.”

I would like to make a disclaimer: there is always two sides to a CC doing something wrong. There is the CC, who may or may not have had malicious intent, and there is the audience, who may or may not take offense to what was done or said. Both of these are separate, and I will treat them as such. What I am examining in this post is mostly the first thing - were the things said or jokes made meant with racist, anti-semitic, homophobic, etc., intent, or are people unjustified in stating that they were? That being said, and this is important: anyone is allowed to take offense to and not forgive a CC for making a joke or saying something, no matter what. Even if a joke was meant satirically or does not actually offend minorities, if you, as an individual, take offense to it and were deeply hurt by it, that is fucking valid. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise. A CC can apologize for something, and that can mean that objectively, they are not a bad person and/or have grown, but that does not mean you have to forgive them. There are two sides to this coin, and they are not inherently dependent upon each other.

If someone is offended by any of the jokes Techno made, that is perfectly valid and understandable. Even if I or anyone else comes to the objective conclusion that any given joke doesn’t have malicious intent, that doesn’t erase minorities’ very real feelings about such.

#i wrote all of this a few days ago #the only thing i wrote just now was the first paragraph #just wanted to put that out there #techno critical #mcyttwt #racism #anti-semitism #lesbophobia #mcyt #.txt #/neg #discourse

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devnicolee · 4 years

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Anniversary Blues

A/N: just some slight angst then fluff... idk, this is random but I decided my weekend needed some of our favorite Mountain King. Enjoy!

M’Baku x Reader

"Leave us!" you called out, authority reverberating throughout the throne room as you marched down the center aisle to your husband's throne. Like a hunter eyeing its prey, you only had eyes for the man sitting tall and proud at the front of the room as weeks of building frustration propelled you forward. You were so distracted that you did not really pay the rows of soldiers much attention. You tried to be understanding for over a month now. But this was the final straw. You finally had enough.

The chatter in the room ceased almost immediately as the men and women around you looked from you to her husband, waiting for the leader of the Jabari to speak. He simply looked at you with confusion. If you hadn't known him as intimately as you did, the flicker of annoyance and frustration that passed behind his brown eyes would have gone unnoticed. But you noticed and like gasoline to a fire, your anger exploded.

Once you reached the front of the throne room, you sighed deeply at the sustained presence of others in the room. You turned to find the group gathering their things at a painstakingly slow pace, not with the haste you required and demanded.

"Are you all suddenly hard of hearing? I said: Leave. Us. Now. Do not make me repeat myself again."

As the Queen of Jabariland, you were known for your gentleness, your compassion, and empathy. The calm to M'Baku's fire. In your two years of marriage, most had never even heard you raise your voice. This was uncharted territory and no one needed to hear or see anything else. They quickly scampered, scurrying from the room as if they were trying to escape a literal fire. You waited for the heavy wooden doors to slam shut behind the last person before you turned back to your husband.

"What is the meaning of this Y/N? I was in the middle of a meeting."

"I know. A meeting that was more important than our anniversary?"

M’Baku’s heart fell into his stomach. That was today. His eyes studied your body, taking note of the black skin-tight dress (his favorite) covering your shape, the makeup on your face and the small gift-wrapped box in your hand. He hung his head, guilt rushing through him, as he remembered the private chef and dinner you planned in the city to celebrate two years of marriage. Though he would never admit it to you, your anniversary had not even been on his radar before you reminded him of this dinner. And it didn't stay on it long because he quickly forgot to add it to his calendar.

"Y/N… I am sorry. Today has been hec-"

You raised your hand to silence him. His excuses had long grown tiresome, you were not interested in them anymore. "Is everyday not hectic for a chief? That does not excuse broken promises, M'Baku. You are a man of your word, are you not? That is certainly one of the reasons I married you... because you are trustworthy and reliable. So, you are going to need to do a whole hell of a lot better than that." You were not angry that your husband was busy, there was no leader on Earth that was not burdened with too much. And since rejoining Wakanda, your already overflowing workloads had only grown larger. But this was not an ordinary evening, he was not just missing dinner in your private quarters or movie night. It was your anniversary, your night to celebrate your love and commitment to one another, your night to make each other a priority.

"I am sorry, Y/N. I will make it up to you, I promise."

"'You'll make it up to me?' How? When? It is not like you are ever home," you retorted. Your eyes rolled up toward the ceiling as you tried to stop tears of anger from falling before you took a deep breath and continued. "We barely see each other. I fall asleep alone almost every night. I wake up alone every morning. I eat alone, I am basically alone in this marriage. When will you carve out time in your busy schedule to make it up to me? I mean... I just asked you for one night." Your voice trailed off as your anger dissipated and hurt seeped in.

"I am trying to run an entire tribe, Y/N!" M'Baku said defensively, frustration taking over as his pride could not tolerate an attack from his own wife. " I can't always be with you! And it is unfair for you to be angry at me every time I have to prioritize our people."

You almost considered just turning on your heels and walking out the door as you listened to him. You knew exactly what moment you were approaching in this argument, his voice steadily rising to the point where he simply shuts down and refuses to listen or see reason any longer. You let out a deep sigh, trying to calm yourself before attempting to explain your position again.

"I am not asking for always M’Baku! I mean Hanuman! At this point, I am not even asking for sometimes. Merely occasionally. It is not about one dinner. It is about you being emotionally and physically unavailable for over a month. I understand you are running a tribe but lately, it seems like you do not have time for me at all."

For the most part, you had enjoyed a union of marital bliss for the last two years. No real issues, no real arguments. Your marriage and the foundation of your marriage were seemingly solid and unshakable. But something shifted in the last month. Your husband stopped being your husband and he became your coworker. Your marriage stopped being a marriage. It was as if someone extinguished a fire and robbed you of all the intimacy you required to survive. If it did not pertain to a council meeting or tribal business, M'Baku carved out no time to talk to you, much less spend time with you. You had not gotten married to be lonelier than you were before.

You could justify the late nights, missed dates, lack of intimacy to a point... He gave you many excuses but you made them for him as well. You tried your best to bury your frustration and disappointment, pretending like rarely seeing your spouse did not bother you. Because you did understand he served a higher purpose, his responsibility to your people was too important. But, last week, everything changed for you. You started viewing his absence differently, examining whether he actually had time for you or the little ones he desperately wanted. How could you be a successful couple... successful parents if you existed as co-workers and not as husband and wife?

"I cannot ignore my responsibilities to be with you every second Y/N! You knew that when we got married." The bark and anger of a scorned chief now fully coloring his words.

You pinched the bridge of your nose. "I am simply asking you to remember you have a wife, other obligations outside of these four walls," she argued, gesturing around his throne room. "When was the last time you asked me how I was doing or asked me something unrelated to being chieftess?" you listed. "You claim to want a family but how? When you barely have time for me?"

"That is enough!" He yelled, his fist banging loudly on the arm of his throne as his hubris and exhaustion made him unwilling to continue listening to his wife's very valid criticisms of his behavior. "I said I was sorry Y/N! I will not apologize again. The Jabari are my obligation first and foremost. We can discuss this later in the Golden City when you have calmed down and can see reason."

You scoffed, knowing there would be no later. Tomorrow morning, you were both supposed to head down the mountains for meetings and King T'Challa's birthday party. You saw the jam-packed agenda the Queen planned for the week; there would be little time to breath, let alone have private conversations.

"No! Go by yourself!" Your mind conjuring up the only consequence you could think of.

He immediately shook his head, almost scoffing at your assertion. "Absolutely not. First, your presence is required as chieftess. And second, I am not leaving you here alone for a week."

"It would not be any different than the last month. I will not go down the mountains to smile and put on the show of the happy chieftess when I am everything but happy. You want to be alone? Fine. Enjoy doing your job alone." You turned on your heels to leave him, ignoring the rage painted on his face. However, before you took a step, you whipped back around.

"Oh, I almost forgot. Happy anniversary Lord M’Baku," you stated stiffly, voice void of the love and adoration it usually held for him. You tossed the box at him before you walked out, leaving him alone.

***

You sighed as the masseuse kneaded your tense shoulders and pounded into your back. You preferred M’Baku’s massages… his gentle touches melting away all the tension you housed in your muscles. Usually those massages turned into less medicinal activities, which made you crave them even more. You missed that, especially now, after being deprived of his soft, sensual touches for a month now. But this was a fine alternative for when your stress levels ran too high. The tranquility and meditation was short lived when the shrill sound of your beads, a recent gift from the Wakandan Princess, rang out loudly. You lifted your head to see who was calling before slumping back down angrily.

I should have known who it was.

Three days had passed since your argument in the throne room, three days since you had spoken to your husband. You ignored his 50 calls a day, they were nonstop and incessant. You knew it was not rational to be this angry over one missed dinner but you stood firm in your position. You refused to speak to him unless he was calling to apologize and promise to change his behavior. Any other conversation was useless

The ringing continued, leaving you frustrated. It was over. Whatever relaxation you hoped to get from this would not be achieved with him bothering you. You politely asked the masseuse to finish up. When she was done, you covered yourself in a thick navy blue robe before calling out to Amari, who stood on the other side of the door.

"I think I would like to go to the market to do some shopping. Can you prepare the carriage?" you asked when he poked his head into your bedroom door.

"Are you sure, my lady? There is supposed to be a storm tonight. Lord M'Baku told us to ensure you were safe while you were alone."

You cut your eyes, "My husband does not dictate my movements around my kingdom. This is as much my dominion as his. We will make it back well before the storm. So please, prepare the carriage," you responded coolly.

"Yes, ma’am," he answered, retreating to make preparations.

Less than 20 minutes later, you were off on the winding roads down the mountain for much needed retail therapy. You knew you would find no real comfort or answers in the racks of clothes but it was the only thing to keep your mind off your very real problems at home. But you figured it was a necessary trip either way, you would need new clothes in a few months anyway.

***

"Lord M’Baku, I was sad to hear Lady Y/N was not able to attend," Nakia offered as she and M'Baku shared an embrace at the entrance of the banquet hall.

"W-well yes, she was sad that she could not attend either. However, she was under the weather and we both felt travel was not in her best interest," he lied, fidgeting with the cuff links on his suit. He was not a fan of lying but admitting to his King that he upset his wife so much that she refused to come did not seem like a better option.

"Understood. We are happy one of you was able to make it and perhaps we can all get together soon for dinner. The next time you both can make it down the mountains?" T’Challa offered, as he took Nakia's hand again. M'Baku caught the subtle motion with the corner of his eye and a tinge of sadness blossomed inside as he tried to make it through the night without his partner in crime.

"Y-Yes, that is a great idea. Happy Birthday again, King T'Challa. Will you excuse me?" He saluted his king and queen before finding his seat. He was not in the entertaining mood, nor had he been in the socializing mood any moment since his arrival. He had not really realized how much he relayed on you to survive these hellish events until you weren't there. You made every meeting and event more tolerable, you knew exactly what to say or do, how to charm the right people. His fingers picked at his beads as he contemplated stepping out onto the balcony and calling you. He knew you would likely not answer, like the other 100 times that day. But he needed the silent treatment to end. He missed his wife.

It only took the length of the ride down the mountains for him to see the error of his ways. Your words echoed in his head every night and free moment since the blow up in the throne room. He wasn't listening then, but he heard the words loud and clear now. He had been absent and unavailable. He could see the path littered with broken promises and miscommunication that led you both to this exact moment. It was entirely his fault. He could always count on you, you never missed a beat, never failed to be present for him. And he was unable to be that for you. He spent most of last night brainstorming ways to make it up to you immediately and ideas to balance his schedule to make more time for you in the future.

His desperation to go back home showed through the Jabari King's sulkiness the entire evening, only engaging in conversations directed at him with short responses. His internal debate on whether to call you raged on as he listened to the leader of the mining tribe drone on and on about something uninspiring. He feigned interest in her story until his head guard raced up to him.

"We need to return to the mountains. There has been an accident!" He kept his voice low, as to not attract too much attention, but he failed to limit the frenzy, urgency and fear coloring his words.

Confusion clouded his eyes as he looked up at Dakarai, trying to understand what accident could warrant interrupting an official ball. No one paid the two Jabari any mind as they mingled and danced among themselves. "What kind of accident? Surely the warriors and Lady Y/N can handle it?"

"No! Lady Y/N was in an accident," he stressed. "In her carriage, it hit ice coming up the mountain. She is hurt, the healers are tending to her."

Dakarai was unable to conclude his thought; M'Baku was out of his seat and racing toward T'Challa the nanosecond he heard your name. He resisted the carnal instinct to strangle his guard for wasting precious time and not leading with the critical information first. He caught T'Challa's attention with ease, the King abandoning his conversation immediately at the site of M'Baku's face. M'Baku didn't take a breath as he explained the situation and excused himself from the remainder of the week.

"Take the Royal Talon. Ayo can have you there in under 20 minutes. Ayo," he motioned for the Dora soldier who arrived at his side in seconds. "We are praying for her. Update us when you can."

M'Baku nodded and shared a salute before he marched quickly behind Ayo. They were loaded in the Talon and zooming toward the snow-capped mountains of Jabariland within five minutes. He paced up and down the small ship, praying silently for her health as it zoomed toward home.

***

M'Baku ignored any and everyone he passed as he ran through the Lodge to your private quarters. He threw the heavy double doors of his bedroom to find you in bed, chatting with his private healer. The healer was replacing a bandage on your head gently when M'Baku approached him. You were listening to the healer tell a story about his daughter while patiently staring around the room. You wanted this examination to end so badly, you were exhausted and just wanted to rest.

However, your face lit up when M’Baku walked into the room. You felt bad, the clear anxiety etched in his eyes. You both connected eyes and you offered him a small smile, mainly to reassure him that you were indeed ok. You were in pain, sure, but given the state of the carriage when the guard helped you out, you were just thankful everyone walked away.

“Lord M’Baku, I am glad you were able to get here so quickly. Lady Y/N is going to be fine. No need to worry,” the doctor prefaced quickly, getting the important information out of the way. “The head wound was pretty bad, which caused a bit of panic. But otherwise, all the injuries will heal with time. And the baby is doing just fine as well, Glory to Hanuman. A strong heartbeat.” He turned to address you, “You are certainly lucky, Lady Y/N. The damage could have been significantly worse.”

M’Baku let out a deep sigh of relief, he was so elated to hear that you were indeed alright that he almost missed his last statement. “T-thank you. Th- wait. The baby?” He turned from the doctor to you, waiting for confirmation. If you weren’t so tired, you would have hit yourself in the face for forgetting to tell him not to mention the baby.

“Surprise?” you offered quietly, with a tentative smile on your face.

The healer’s eyes widened and he bowed his head, “A-ah… M-My apologies, Chief M’Baku. Lady Y/N found out last week. I assumed you knew.”

M’Baku smiled politely, mainly to assuage the man’s obvious guilt at spilling his wife’s secret. Of course now, your anger the other night made so much more sense. He, not only missed your anniversary, he ruined what would have been a life-changing surprise. “No need to apologize. S-she had not gotten the chance to tell me. B-but thank you. Could we have some alone time please?”

He bowed to both of you before quickly exiting, leaving the two of you alone.

“You are supposed to be in the Golden City,” you smiled softly, as you pushed yourself up into a seated position.

“Well, the well-being of my queen is my top priority, my only priority. When you are in trouble, I come running.” He walked up to you and pulled you into a bone-crushing hug.

You grimaced silently but held on to him as tightly as you could with one arm in a sling. While you would have loved different circumstances, you hadn’t been in his arms in so long. Your body filled with warmth like he was hot chocolate on a cold day. He shifted and pulled you so you were curled up in his lap, your face buried in the nape of his neck. You stayed like that for a few minutes before he leaned back to look at you. His finger lifted your chin as he examined the bruise growing darker on your cheekbone.

“None of it is that bad,” you promised. “It is my own fault. Amari warned me not to stay out too late, that a storm was heading through. I lost track of time because… I-I didn’t want to come back here and be alone. I missed you,” you whispered, your fingers played in his beard as you spoke. You had every intention of making him sweat originally but now that he was here? You just wanted to be close to him. “I thought we would make it back in time. Thankfully no one was seriously injured. I am sorry, it was reckless of me.”

M’Baku shook his head, “Don’t apologize to me my love, this is all my fault. You were right, I have not been the present or attentive husband you need. I get so wrapped up in the tribe and obsessing over every little detail, I lose sight of the bigger picture. I couldn’t last 2 days without you. I am in love with you and I know I can’t do this job… this life without you. You were right, my head hasn’t been here with you and certainly not enough to start our family. I am just sorry it took so long for me to see that. Can you forgive me?”

Part of you was hesitant to forgive him so quickly. After all, actions did speak louder than words and recognizing your faults did not mean his behavior was going to change. You picked at your nail beds as you responded, “I will always forgive you, my King. I-I j-j-just need to know you are there, you know? I thought about it and I shouldn’t have waited until it built up to say something. If we are upset or disappointed, we are supposed to speak up… talk. And I didn’t do that. I am sorry too.”

Silence fell over you both for a few moments before you spoke up, “This wasn’t how I wanted you to find out by the way. I had this cute onesie and everything. That was the gift I threw at you.”

M’Baku’s loud laugh rang out through the bedroom, “I don’t care how I found out. You have made me the happiest man in the world, Y/N. I swear on my life, that you and our child are my first priority, now and always.”

“I will hold you to that,” you giggled as he peppered your face with soft kisses. He picked you up and carried you to the bathroom. He sat you down and filled the oversized bathtub with your favorite bubble bath and hot water.

“How about this? After the bath, we can pick a movie to watch tonight and a few more for tomorrow?”

You paused as you tried, pathetically, to strip off your clothes with only one arm. He turned and chuckled before helping you. “What do you mean tomorrow? You still have meetings in the Golden City?”

“No I do not. T’Challa will understand. I am all yours. I told you, you are my priority.”

“I like the sound of that.” M’Baku helped you into the tub and slid in behind you. You laid against his hard chest, your eyes lulling closed as his finger traced patterns into your stomach. His lips placed soft kisses on your neck.

“I love you… more than anything,” he said quietly.

“I love you more.”

Tags: @muse-of-mbaku @jellybean531 @destinio1 @skysynclair19 @ashanti-notthesinger @gloriousgam3r @archivistofwakanda @leahnicole1219 @mygirlrenee @dramaqueeenamby

#black panther #Black Writers #black panther fanfiction #black panther imagines #m'baku x reader #m'baku imagine #m'baku x oc

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chaotic-wanda · 4 years

Text

Don’t Let Me Know

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Prompt: “Can I hug you?” “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” “Please?”

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: angsty angst, little bit of fluff, maybe on curse?

A/N: This is for @aesthetical-bucky 1K Writing Challenge! It’s also based off the song “Don’t Let Me Know” from SMASH which I’ve been rewatching a lot in quarantine. It’s not my best work but hey, practice is what makes you better 🤷🏻‍♀️A million thanks to @film-enthusiastt for reading over it for me, you’re the best! Constructive criticism is welcomed. Hope y’all enjoy!

Soft music played in the dimly lit bar as Y/N sipped on her whiskey. The burn of it sliding down her throat started to make her feel numb. She doesn’t know why she agreed to this, why she keeps agreeing to this. After all, Bucky was the one to break things off, claiming the spark had just died between them. So why did she meet him every time he came calling when something was wrong? Even now as she was waiting for him, he was a half hour late. Finishing her third drink of the night, she motioned for another to the bartender before checking her messages. Nothing. Y/N knows she can’t keep doing this, but holding onto him is all that she can do until she finally learns the hands around her throat, the reason for all this torture, are her own.

Another hour passed and still with no sign of Bucky. She lets out a heavy sigh, admitting defeat before she asks for her check. The weight of her own self hatred drowning her along with the copious amount of drinks the night brought. Hatred for being so pathetic over someone who treated her so poorly. Quickly wiping at her eyes before anyone could notice, she grabbed her things to leave. She mumbled a quiet thanks before striding towards the door.

Y/N shrugged on her jacket before she stepped out in the chilly air. As she started walking home, she pulled out her phone to call her best friend. She seemed to always know what to say in these situations. After tapping on Wanda’s name, she lifted the phone to her ear as it rang. Once. Twice. Three times.

It wasn’t until the fourth ring that she answered, “He stood you up again didn’t he?” It amazed Y/N how Wanda always seemed to know what was happening. She gnawed on her lower lip as she tried to think of a response without showing her true emotions about the night. Sighing into the phone, Wanda spoke again, “You can’t keep doing this to yourself, Y/N. I might not be able to see you right now but your silence speaks louder than anything else.”

Y/N laughed bitterly before responding, “Sadly my brain knows that, I just need to get my heart on board as well.” She kicked a rock along the sidewalk as she slowly made her way home. “I don’t know why I constantly continue to do this. It just hurts, but I don’t know how to let go, yanno?” She paused from walking for a moment to take a deep breath, “I wish he had done something unforgivable that way it would be easier to cut him off. But he was so nice about it and I guess I keep hoping the spark will reignite. Instead he just keeps hurting me and I keep letting him.”

Wanda’s heart broke for her friend but she didn’t know how else she could help. With encouraging words, she kept telling Y/N it would get better but it would just take time. Y/N agreed with a sigh before calling it a night and telling her friend goodbye.

Hours later after making it home and washing the dried tear stains off her cheeks, she had finally made it to the point of exhaustion. She slowly pushed herself off the couch and was getting ready to throw away the bottle of wine she consumed when there was a rush of knocks at her door. She stared at her door for a few moments as if unsure if someone was actually at her door or if it was her imagination. Another burst of knocks at her door brought her back to her senses as she made her way over.

She opened the door, wine bottle still in hand, to see Bucky leaning against her door frame. “Doll, I’m sorry but I can explain.” Y/N rolled her eyes and if she could without making a huge mess, she would have thrown the wine bottle at him. Instead she just opened the door wider and gestured for him to come in. He pushed himself off the door frame and hesitated before striding through the door.

She closed the door behind him before harshly speaking, “You better make it quick because I’m done wasting my time on you Barnes.” He flinched at the sound of his last name, knowing that she only used it when she was livid.

He sat on the chair next to her couch and gestured for her to take a seat. She begrudgingly did as she was asked but sat on the opposite end so he couldn’t reach out to touch her. The unspoken tension between them was suffocating, neither one wanting to break the silence.

Bucky finally gave in after a few minutes, gulping down a breath before stuttering out, “It was real shitty of me to leave you hanging at the bar. I ran into this girl from SHIELD and we got to talking and I just lost a track of time. I’m really sorry, I honestly didn’t mean to leave you waiting.”

Y/N laughed bitterly while crossing her arms over her chest, something she always did when upset as if it would protect her from falling apart in the moment. Bucky knew the nervous tick very well. He’d seen a lot of it towards the end of their relationship.

“You can release the death grip. I promise you’ll stay in one piece,” he jokingly spoke, trying to lighten the mood. Instead, she seemed to go stiff and crossed her arms tighter.

He’d hit a nerve and before he could apologize she replied softly, “I wish you didn’t know me so damn well.” Her eyes seemed to look at everywhere but him.

Everything in him was screaming to reach out for her but he couldn’t seem to move his body. All he could do was look at her and wish that she could read his mind. “Y/N, I really am sorry. Please don’t let this one mistake ruin our friendship.”

She jerked her head in his direction at that comment, staring at him with a coldness he’d never felt from her before. “We’re not friends Bucky, we’re exes who can’t seem to let go of each other,” she hissed between her teeth. She felt her blood boiling, feeling the frustration of the night build up. “You didn’t want to be with me anymore and I was too stupid to walk away. But I don’t want to be your friend that you turn to anymore. I can’t do it anymore,” the hot tears were slowly streaming down her face now as she let all the pent up anger off her chest.

Bucky frowned and moved to sit next to her on the couch, his only goal to comfort her. However, she jumped up before he could and pulled away. “You always keep me at arms length, you won’t pull me close, which is fine now that we’re not together, but you can’t let go either.”

He could feel his insides twisting, afraid of what would come out of her mouth next. “What are you saying, Y/N?” he stammered out.

She looked at him with a heavy sadness, knowing what she had to do. “I’m saying that I’m done Bucky. I’m letting you go so that we can both move on.”

He quickly jumped out of his seat and rushed towards her. He grabbed her hands while desperately trying to change her mind, “You can’t do that. We work in the same building and we have the same friends. You can’t just not talk to me. And despite all that, you’re one of my best friends. Who am I supposed to go to when I’m having trouble?”

Looking down she shook her head as the tears kept coming, “I’m sorry, but I can’t be that for you anymore. I have to do what’s best for me at this point. I wish I never met you, cause now I gotta forget what life is like without you again” She slowly pulled her hands out of his and took a step back. “I think you should go. . . please.”

Bucky could feel his own tears fighting to make their way to the surface. “Can I at least hug you, one last time?” he choked out.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she responded before gnawing on her lip. She knew she’d fall apart if she was in his arms.

“Please?” he asked with desperation in his voice as he tried to keep the sobs at bay.

Y/N seemed to really look at him for the first time since he had arrived that night, having an internal fight over the situation. She let out a huff before lightly nodding. Bucky took a step closer and enveloped her into his arms, clinging onto her as if she was his lifeline. They both knew this was goodbye.

It had been a month or so since she had decided to cut Bucky out from her life. She wouldn’t lie and say it had been easy. In fact, it was really hard. She found herself constantly wanting to send him a text when she saw a funny meme or to call him whenever she had a bad day. But, she did feel more free, as if she wasn’t holding onto him desperately. She knew it would take time but it was time she was willing to take the time she needed.

Y/N had really thrown herself into work and into her platonic relationships. She knew she’d been a crappy friend to Wanda and Natasha in the past months but was working on making it up to them. The start was having weekly girls night on Thursdays. It was her turn to host and she rushed around to finish getting ready when she heard a knock at the door.

Confused, she made her way over. It was at least a few hours before the girls were supposed to show up. She was floored by who was on the other side. The time hadn’t been kind to Bucky. His hair was disheveled, the bags under his eyes reached a new level of dark, and he looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks. She hadn’t seen him in this state since she first met him.

“Buck, what are you doing here?” she whispered out. Part of her wanted to pull him in and hold him tight but the other part of her was terrified that everything she had worked on would crumble if she did.

He let out the best smile he could muster that didn’t quite reach his eyes, “I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to see me but I had to see you. I felt like I was going crazy.” He hesitated before looking back up at her, “Can I come in?”

She lightly nodded and stood to the side while he made his way inside. The deja vu of it all hit them both in full force. “I was just about to make some tea. Would you like some?” He nodded hoping the time it would take for her to make it would help calm his nerves and figure out exactly what to say. She came back a few minutes later and motioned for him to sit on the couch before handing him his mug. He smiled softly noticing it was his favorite mug of hers that he used whenever he came over. He rubbed his thumb over the chipped paint getting lost in the memories. Y/N slowly sat by him with her own mug in hand, tucking her feet under herself. “Are you ok Bucky? You don’t look so good,” she asked, the worry evident in her voice.

He turned his head towards her before laying it back on the couch. He watched her for a few moments before finally answering, “I just miss you so much and I know I don’t have the right to, but I feel like a piece of me is missing. I just feel scared now that you’re not here.” He looked down, playing with the tea bag as he dunked it further into the water.

She felt her chest tighten at his words. If he’d said this to her a month or so ago, she would have dropped everything for him. She so desperately wanted to be there for him but she knew she wasn’t at the place where she could support him and take care of herself yet. In a moment of weakness, she took his hand in hers and squeezed it. “I’m so sorry you feel this way and I wish I could make it better, I truly do.” He flinched knowing there was a but coming. She took a deep breath and exhaled before continuing, “But I can’t open up my heart to you again. It’s still trying to heal from the first time you shattered it. And that’s my fault because I let you keep doing it which shattered it more.”

He squeezed her hand in an attempt to keep her close. Bucky still couldn’t bring himself to look at her as he mumbled out the next words, “I fucked up and I should have never let you go. I realize that now and I want to give us another shot if you do.” He slowly dragged his hope filled eyes to meet hers as if trying to read her thoughts.

She gnawed on her lips and closed her eyes, trying to fight the tears back. Her actions spoke volumes to Bucky and he slowly let go of her hand. Moving to get up, the words rushed out of his mouth, “I shouldn’t have come here and dump this on you.”

Before he could run out, she jumped up, catching his arm, “Bucky, wait!” He turned to look at her, the pain clear on his face. “I want to be able to give you what you want, but it’s so hard. I’m not sure how to trust you with my heart now. If I had known there was a chance you could fall again, I would have told you to not let me know.”

He slowly moved his hand to cup her face and slowly pulled her closer, explaining “I’ve tried and I’ve failed to stop loving you for months now.” He drew her into his embrace and she slowly wrapped her arms around him. Neither of them are sure how long they were in that position, but both knew they didn’t want to let go.

Her phone started to ring and Y/N grumbled as she begrudgingly separated herself from him. She sighed as she read the messages letting her know the girls were on the way, wanting to stay in this moment. Still, she knew if her and Bucky were ever going to stand a chance in the future, changes would need to be made and she didn’t want to backtrack on all the work she had done.

Looking up at him, she gave Bucky a soft smile, “I really want nothing more than to stay in this bubble with you.” His smile grew at that before she kept going. “But it’s girls night and I’m hosting so we will have to resume this later. I won’t cancel on Natasha and Wanda.”

He nodded in understanding, “Maybe we could go for coffee or I could take you out for lunch tomorrow?”

Her smile grew into a grin that stretched across her face, “Only if it’s that bistro I love. I haven’t been in so long. It reminded me too much of you.” He let out a laugh before agreeing. Y/N bit her lip and looked down as she played with her fingers, the nerves setting in. “If we do this, there has to be a lot of changes. I refuse to lose myself again.”

He hooked his finger under her chin, bringing her gaze to meet his, “I’ll do whatever it takes to make you happy, I swear.” He placed a quick kiss on her forehead and she looked at him with such delight. Even though there was still a lot of work to be done, they both had a feeling of hope for the first time in a long time. And sometimes hope is all you can ask for.

#aesthetical-bucky1kchallenege #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #marvel fanfiction

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