#just for the sake of the journal i'll add

[oddygaul]

Chain Gang All-Stars

Great book.

I sort of hope Chain Gang All-Stars is never adapted into a show or movie. It’s certainly possible that it could be done with proper deference to the tone and message of the book, but I think it’s far more likely that it would end up essentially being what Chain Gang is in the story itself - a hyper-violent spectacle that people tune into because they think it’s cool and action-packed. I think Chain Gang All-Stars is very successful at walking the tightrope line of drawing the reader into the story and letting them flirt with what it must feel like to be a viewer of the program, while presenting enough reminders of its grim reality to prevent you from being totally sucked in. While there were times during the LinkLyfe segments where I was drawn in the way a viewer absorbed in a reality show would be, the battles themselves never give in to ‘just’ being badass. They were tense, certainly, and I was on pins & needles reading them, worried about the characters, but there’s a certain utilitarian brutality to the writing in those sections that keeps them grounded. I’d be worried any adaptation would make everything too stylish and exciting, thoroughly missing the point*.

*To say nothing of any potential dilution of the politics to appeal to a wider audience.

— “All other sport was just a metaphor for this.” —

Chain Gang All-Stars is incredibly good at giving every single character a depth and fullness, even ‘antagonists’, so that even the characters who infuriate us, we understand to a degree. The book doesn't justify evil deeds - there’s no excusing Wil’s dumb ass self - but it shows how easy it is for someone to placate themselves, to keep themselves on a surface level and not dig too deep into their own morality, to convince themselves that they’ve done what they could and that all those who have wrong done to them deserve what they get. The fluid perspective switches it accomplishes this with are fascinating, too. We get chapters dedicated to different characters, of course, be it our leads, our deuteragonists, and plenty of one-off side stories - standard stuff. But Adjei-Brenyah also rapidly switches between multiple perspectives within the same page, hell, the same paragraph at times, which gives us insight into a much wider breadth of viewpoints than we normally would.

By getting to see into the inner thoughts of quite a few Links, we get to see how, while their individual experiences are different, their imprisonment has broken them all in tragically similar ways. From Bishop to Sunset to Thurwar to Staxxx, we see a consistent, crippling lack of self-worth. The A-Hamm chain is unique in preaching a vision of solidarity, accepting one’s past mistakes, and focusing on how they’ve grown and changed as people. Despite this, at their core, none of them can truly find it in themselves to be forgiven, because Chain Gang grinds their lack of perceived value into them unceasingly - ultimately resulting in what is essentially suicide. The carceral system does not allow for or encourage rehabilitation, only suffering and self-hatred.

I thought it was a compelling decision to make the majority of the imprisoned characters we follow legitimate violent offenders. A lot of the abolitionist / prison-critical literature I’ve read often focuses on, or at least begins with, incarceration that is plainly, nakedly unjust, like long-serving non-violent offenders and mandatory minimum sentencing. Conversations about the treatment of murderers, rapists, etc., are naturally more fraught - it’s harder to get someone to imagine an entirely different system, rather than just adjustments to the current system.

Chain Gang All-Stars does not shy away from it one bit. We get self-reflection from multiple different Links, both those who regret what they’ve done and those who don’t; we get conflicted thoughts from family members who recognize that their lives have been fundamentally changed by the imprisonment of their kin, but are still ambivalent about forgiveness; and we get, of course, the fearmongering and appeals to pathos used by government and the media to try and stop any ideas of abolition from even beginning to take root in the minds of the public. The book understands that there’s no easy answers, and instead brings all of these perspectives to the reader, demanding they grapple with the issues themselves.

It does, however, make clear the absurdity of pretending that taking someone whose life has been indelibly touched by violence and putting them into a system that encourages and requires additional violence, by the state, by their peers, is somehow rehabilitation. It’s brought to an extreme in the novel, of course - Thurwar’s overriding instinct that every problem can potentially be solved by violence due to the constant killing she’s done is more reminiscent of a soldier returning to peacetime than anything else - but the message stands.

Some of the most powerful parallels shine through as-is, though. Even when you put aside the horror the Links are put through on a daily basis and the rampant normalization of state-sanctioned violence, the base lack of freedom and personal autonomy is what breaks people. Both during Chain Gang and our looks at other prisons, the regimented days, planned schedule, and inability to spend time or talk with the people they care about are basic human rights that are removed from prisoners every day. Hendrix’s silent prison (an idea I was horrified to find has been enacted before) shows this in one extreme - after being robbed of something as simple as his own voice for so long, Hendrix is willing to risk everything just to be able to reclaim that part of himself. Most heartbreakingly, the morning of the final doubles match, Thurwar’s only desire is to stay in bed longer with Staxxx. Leisure time with your loved ones, one of the most basic luxuries a person ought to have, seen as an unobtainable prize. Don’t need a dystopian near-future novel to see that happening.

Speaking of Hendrix Young, the voice Adjei-Brenyah uses for his sections was absolutely beautiful and oozing with character and I loved it. The way he speaks is simultaneously poetic yet so pragmatic - there’s an idiosyncratic turn of phrase in nearly every paragraph, and his love for the world and its beauty is never eclipsed by his cynicism and the horrible things happening around him. His sections were handily my favorites, despite the looming dramatic irony that overshadows them all.

— “I thought of how the world can be anything and how sad it is that it’s this.” —

As a literary device, the interspersing of worldbuilding notes and Actual Fucked-Up Prison Facts was a genius touch. By priming your brain to expect something more fantastical, the more grounded notes become something of a sucker punch. The first few are all in-universe lore explanations - they’re not entirely necessary, you could’ve pretty much got the gist through context, but the thorough explanation written almost as an ad read pulls you into the mentality of this world… so then, when it drops, say, the net worth and founding members of the Corrections Corporation of America and you get the inkling that this tidbit feels a little too specific to be made up, the lines between the book’s world and our own start to blur.

In addition to the unique cognitive dissonance it invokes, I think it’s a pretty effective strategy to convince or teach a reader who perhaps hasn’t done as much digging about the nightmare that is the American prison-industrial complex. Especially given that the main conceit of the book is a little outlandish, it’s very easy for me to imagine such a reader enjoying the story for its plot, but deflecting or doubting the themes with the classic “Oh, but this is an exaggeration - it would never happen like this! It would never be that sadistic”. In some way, the footnotes feel like the author directly responding with a “Yes, it would, and in fact has already happened this way previously”.

I do wish the footnotes stayed as dense throughout the entire book as they were at the start. In the beginning, they come hard and fast, blending the real and the fictional, keeping the reader on their toes. About a third of the way through, though, they slow to a trickle, becoming a rarity. Adjei-Brenyah keeps experimenting with what the footnotes can convey (“Don’t look down. Help me.” was particularly chilling), but the infrequency starts to make them feel like an afterthought.

— “Just jump.” —

The closer I got to the end of Chain Gang All-Stars, as fewer and fewer pages remained, I was increasingly desperate for something to break. Even as the story continued towards the inevitable, even as it showed me there could be no other way for things to go, I hoped for something else. Anything but what happened.

And yet… the ending gives this book’s message a lot of its power. It’s not a story where things always work out and the good guys always win - it’s a reflection of real problems, and those real problems don’t have such a simple solution. Chain Gang All-Stars is about people living in an unfair world, working within a cruel, unjust, system, and still finding the strength and conviction to believe that there can be positive change. It’s about knowing that progress can be slow, and that the system can feel daunting, and feeling powerless to enact change, and still imagining and pushing for the world to be better anyway. And somehow, that it faces that hopelessness head-on makes it more uplifting than a safer story with an easier ending.

#will's media thoughts / virtual brain repository #books #chain gang all stars #just for the sake of the journal i'll add #that reading this after rewatching the hunger games #only lowered my esteem of them even further lol

[queenofcoquette]

healthy habits i love :)

introduction:

hi loves! i wanted to share some healthy habits that i really enjoy for my body and my mind. these are things that make me feel better and work with my life :)

physical health:

staying active. i have practice for 2 hours on weekdays and like to do home workouts using small dumbells or just pilates on weekends.

stretching. stretching is so important to prevent injuries, improve mobility and balance.

eating 3 meals a day w/ fruits and vegtables.

taking vitamins. i have anemia so i've been taking iron tablets everyday w breakfast to help.

drinking enough water. i always track how much water i have- i usually drink a whole water bottle at school, 70ish% of one at practice, and more water at home.

having a skincare routine.

having a haircare routine & learning to style my hair.

at-home face massage. theyre just really relaxing

mentality/mental:

planning for the future. i like to think about what i'm doing after graduating high school (college) and how i'm going to get into my dream college. i make a plan to follow.

avoiding drama. honestly there's not much drama at my school to begin with, but either way i just avoid talking shit about people

reading! i read every night and when i finish my schoolwork and have nothing to do. it's relaxing

learning about current world events. i also like to stay up to date on what's going on in the world. it can be really sad but i think it’s important to be aware of what happens.

praying. i pray every night and i find it really peaceful and a way to be grateful by thanking God for all sorts of things in my life. sometimes i'll also just pray if i'm anxious, before a water polo game, or really whenever i feel like i should.

gratitude & reflection. i like to reflect on how i'm acting and also remind myself of everything to be grateful for. sometimes really small moments, like when i was getting my braces tightened i thought about how i'm lucky to even get to have dental work done.

journalling. i have a diary i write in every night which is just for fun, and then a spare binder w some lose paper where i vent when i'm feeling bad.

having hobbies. i like to keep myself busy so i have a lot of things i like to do at home like writing, reading, photography, sewing.

having a clean space. i keep my room clean (nothing on the floor, everything where it needs to be) and cleaning my backpack just so everything is easy to find and get.

beginning:

the key to growing is literally just doing small things everyday. overnight change is never attainable. if you want to add different habits/change something you need to make small, attainable, adjustments everyday.

do the best with what you have. this is the biggest point. there are certain things you might not be able to do because of your circumstances, so just do the best with what you have right now.

self respect. and of course, healthy self improvement is based in loving yourself and wanting to be better for the sake of improving your life. this is a whole journey within itself.

#that girl 2024 #that girl #self improvement #pink pilates princess #it girl #healthy habits #self care #queenofcoquette

[catmask]

Do you have any advice for continuing to use your planner once you start? I'm going to be starting one for the first time soon, but I worry I'll have issues sticking to it even if it helps.

it might not be the advice you want, but if your planner doesnt 'stick' theres usually a few reasons (at least that ive found) as to why-

the planner doesnt actually help you remember the things youre supposed to. i prefer very specific, small lists (so i like having food, work tasks, exercise/self care and chores separate) where a lot of planners ive found just give you one big block for the day. when i used those, i would manually separate the lists, usually run out of space, and then give up and not maintain using it.

its not convenient to use! either the size is too clunky, the pages are not pleasant to write on/bleed and become illegible, or - what ive found happens to people a LOT - they focus on making their planner so pretty they take forever to actually write stuff down. your planner is supposed to be a tool to help you, so taking care of it is important, but for functionality sake... it ISNT supposed to be a journal. you dont have to treat it so delicately youre afraid to make mistakes or write too sloppily

when are you planning/writing in it? i write one or two important tasks for the next day as im going to bed, and then add the rest the morning after when i see how im feeling. this makes it so im not using my phone right when i wake up or before i go to bed too, which ive found puts me in a lot better/productive of a mood...

theres more reasons, but ultimately it comes down to 'is it convenient?' 'is it pleasant?'. trying to form habits you resist naturally is much more difficult than trying to find things that are small adjustments, if you try to change everything about yourself all at once, you'll very likely just fall flat! if the planner you have now isnt working... you might just need to be pickier about which one you get. the one i have now was 5 dollars, but i got it because it had the kind of formatting i was specifically looking for.

#long post #mailbox

[air--so--sweet]

Okay I already made one post about Klaus's rehab 'accessories' sold as part of a TUA prop auction and there's a lot of cool stuff but I can't post about everything, as much as I would like to, but there's one more thing I thought was worth singling out, Reginald Hargreeve's journal from season 2.

Transcription:

I have finally arrived at my destination. The journey was lengthy and arduous, far more taxing than any of my expeditions back home. Few of my fellows were prepared for the physical and emotional demands of the trip. The close quarters, the strict rations, the seemingly nonexistent passage of time. One could easily succumb to insanity or death in such a fate. I carry Abigail in my heart, her tenacious spirit and altruistic nature. She would not allow me to stay behind and perish with her, and in turn I will not allow her to die with me.

It took a ludicrously short span of time to determine my new home is a filthy, foolish and depraved place. I find it hardly worthy of saving, despite my commitment to doing so. Why should I have abandoned my Abigail for the sake of countless souls, not one of which could even hope to match her selfless grace? But I know she would admonish me for these thoughts, and tell me to recognise the value in all who reside in this despondent place.

It will take decades to see my plan to fruition. I enacted the very first step prior to embarking on my journey and now I can do little more than await the date of its engenderment. In the meantime I will commence building an identity, empire and legacy in my own right. My singular priority in the years to come is to ensure access to the resources (both material and intangible) to successfully implement the final phase. I am resolved to make Abigail proud.

There's so much interesting stuff in here. Firstly the implication that Reginald Hargreeves is not the only one from his planet on Earth. I don't think we'll learn anything about or see the other aliens, but I do wonder what they were getting up to while Reggie was doing his thing. Honestly I think it wpuld be funny for a throwaway allusion to some of them being certain public figures.

He knew before he came to Earth it needed saving. It's unclear from phrasing if he chose to do this or was tasked with it. And why him and seemingly only him if he was not the only one to travel to Earth? Or was the plan always save the world and then use hotel oblivion and the 7 bells to remake it with Abigail by his side? In season 1, having failed, did he choose to kill himself to reunite the academy to at least complete one part of his plan, having failed at the rest? A last ditch attempt to honour Abigail's memory? Hotel Oblivion was more or less off the table as soon as Ben died (which in a way makes ut funnier Klaus frequented Hotel Obsidian when he was on the streets, it literally just became a hotel and nothing more 😂).

That brings me onto the next thing - his love for Abigail. This is the most affection we've ever seen from Hargreeves I think (and the least creepy since the closest example I can think of was him creating a robot mother in his ex-girlfriend's likeness). Though saying he doesn't see why he should abandon her to save all life on earth is a tiny bit concerning. His description of Abigail as altruistic and saying that she would admonish him for not seeing the value in the lives of humans is definitely interesting (also I cant help but feel the choice of saying 'selfless grace' over 'selfness nature' or similar was intentional, not that it means anything, just a fun play on words). I saw a theory forever ago (I believe on reddit but I'm not sure, if I find it I'll edit and add credit) that in season 4 Abigail will leave Reginald when she learns what he did to bring her back and the way he describes her here it doesn't sound like she would be okay with the cruel and abusive treatment of his children followed by him sucking them of their powers and seemingly life force to revive her (though the fact Luther is alive it's possible he planned to reincarnate all of them in the new universe but y'know, maybe make Allison aware so she doesn't chop your head in half before you fully finish building your new universe). The Reginald who wrote this journal entry bears hallmarks of the one we knew, but he seems to have been somewhat tempered by Abigail. Did the decades without her cause a hardening that led to the cold, cruel and abusive man he became? A man Abigail will no longer recognise as the man she fell in love with? Based on this it doesn't seem unlikely but, as far as I recall, these entries are never seen on screen so I don't think we can really count them as canon, especially not knowing who wrote them (I suspect it was someone on the writing staff but we don't know that for certain). However, I vaguely remember seeing a few claims of a new big bad several places, I think people may have sourced this from an interview with Steve Blackman (I intentionally avoid interviews with him because he gives far too much away) which, if the main villain of the piece is not in fact Hargreeves, Abigail, the love of his life and his whole reason for his lifes work leaving him, feels like a pretty good catalyst for him to give up, and possibly even yield to anything the Umbrellas ask of him or maybe even help them?

And lastly, when writing this I couldn't help but think how Reginald's loss of Abigail mirrors several of the Umbrella's own losses. His deal with Allison involved getting Ray and her daughter back and there's been a lot of people wondering if Dave, Sissy, Harlan or even Patch could be alive in this new universe. Allison's words to Viktor before pressing the button, 'Trust me,' and the fact we didn't see her make the deal with Reginald (beyond the handshake Five saw through the doorway) has made me wonder if it didn't just involve her getting to be reunited with her lost loved ones but her siblings too (though my housemate suggested the alternative idea that she made a deal for herself and Viktor only, as he is the only other Umbrella to lose a romantic partner and child, a loss Allison is partially responsible for, having killed adult Harlan, and he's also the sibling Allison was cruelest to in season 3). Would Hargreeves have agreed to the terms of any deal if it meant getting his way? Yeah probably, but I also feel like he might have been more willing to agree to Allison's terms if they involved reuniting her and her siblings with the people they loved who they had to leave for reasons outside of their control (Ray, Sissy and Harlan) or they lost to death (Dave, Harlan (again) and Patch, and in a sense Claire). I feel like I'm giving Hargreeves too much credit but at the same time there's moments in the show that could be interpreted as him caring for the Umbrellas and I do believe he cared for human Grace and Pogo too so it's not impossible that he's capable of empathy, at least at times where it wouldn't negatively impact him or stop him from doing what he believes is right (though just to be clear - any care or love he felt does not in any way absolve him of the cruelty and abuse he subjected his children to or the fact he subjected Pogo to a life of servitude either).

It's just occurred to me that there's the whole additional layer in regards the apocalypse that Reginald was aware of it and wanted to avert it yet he was the cause of it as without his interference the Umbrellas (and other super powered children) would never have been born, never mind his treatment of them, especially Viktor, leading to them growing into the adults they were that led to their actions causing the apocalypse. I've already spent several hours and a tonne of hyperfocus writing this though when I have other real world stuff to do so I'm going to leave it here.

#the umbrella academy #tua #reginald hargreeves #props #prop auction #reginald hargreeves journal

[literaticat]

As an agent, how do you recommend authors handle review spaces? Most writers are also readers, but I understand it's probably looked down upon to go around giving 2-3 star reviews to who are essentially your colleagues. I enjoy having the data to look back on of my reads, but as I plan to be published in the future, I'm wondering if I need to make this private and find a private system.

A bit more broadly than your ask: In my personal opinion, writers may be readers, but reviewing spaces such as GoodReads, etc, are not for them. I would strongly suggest that for mental health purposes, authors not only NOT EVER go on GoodReads, but also block it from their computer like it is a naughty website. NSFW BABE. Don't look up your own reviews, don't look up your friend's reviews, for the LOVE OF GOD don't RESPOND to any reviews of your books or your friend's books you happen to see, and unless you have something glowing to say about a book that will uplift the author, for Pete's sake keep it to yourself. If you have potentially snarky things to say about a book or author, journal about it. Text it to the group chat. But don't post it.

As for your more specific ask: I totally understand wanting to keep book-reading data -- I do! I use the Reading List app, which is private. StoryGraph I just got but it feels like a nice interface, I'll be playing around with it, and I'd happily add books I'm reading, my TBR, etc -- but I would either keep my account private to whatever extent is possible, or I just wouldn't rate the books on that. Other people use cool personal spreadsheets, or cool notebooks. This is MY data -- I'm not keeping it to impress or inform anyone else, so why would it need to be public?

When I find books that I particularly adore, I'm delighted to post about them on socials, but I don't need or want to talk smack about books publicly, that would be totally inappropriate coming from me, and since I know and work with SO MANY editors, other agents, authors, etc -- There's pretty much NO WAY I could get away with that without inadvertently insulting somebody. And while you may be "aspiring" now -- the longer you stay in publishing spaces, the more people YOU will know and meet, too.

TRUE STORY from just this week: I was at a Little Free Library and found an old Sweet Valley High book - BEWARE THE WOLFMAN, #106. It has a hilarious jacket and cover copy, I had no idea that the Wakefield twins went through a paranormal "American Werewolf In London" era, I was obviously obsessed and posted about it on Facebook, with a pic of the front and back of the jacket. Now, this is a book that is WELL out of print, it was published when I was in high school thirty years ago, it was a friends only post and I'm not friends with the author, like, literally who would I be insulting if I made fun of this book? Oh -- well potentially my friend Dan, who chimed in immediately to say that he in fact wrote the funny jacket copy. My friend Elise, who is an agent now, but was Dan's boss in 1994 and in charge of these books. OH ALSO, I am friends with the publisher. Ahahahah OK! Yay! Luckily it truly is a bonkers book and they know that so it was all in good fun and haha teehee, but like -- it could have been WAY worse!

ANYwhoo, you asked what I think, that's what I think. This is just how I approach it. "As an agent" I would never tell my authors what they can or can't do with their lives - but this is MY philosophy: we're all here to SELL books, not bash them, so if you don't have anything nice to say, keep it to yourself, because believe me when I say, it's extremely upsetting for all parties when you give a book a shitty review and then are seated next to the author at a publisher dinner later. TRUST ME, I KNOW.

[unclefathersantateddy]

Seeing the responses to @drawthethingdoppelganger 's cannibal arc poll, has definitely helped me improve the fresh meat lore. It's giving creative juices lol! I'm gonna use the community's Quality Standards to up the freshmeat au content quality!

Some of the most prevalent ideas I've seen:

Keeping the Family Love integrity before all else. Bob loves his family, the family loves each other SO MUCH no matter what. Nothing gets in the way of that, not the human meat, not the back alley business, nada.

The family remain expressive and musical. This one I'm excited to play around with, I have ideas that Bob wasn't rly a singer to begin with, but between Linda, Gene, and the general Sweeney Todd vibe, he gets into it, REALLY into it. They all do (even Louis/e). Many of you said you loved the contrast of the dark themes but with family/love- oriented songs!

Finding a healthy balance for the arc. Many of you said you didn't care for the "being edgy for edge sake" element of the cannibal arc, and I would agree with that! I've seen some fresh meat posts of Gene wanting to EAT Alex?? This isn't an idea I'll be rolling with. For me it's a bit cheap and crass like "ah the cannibal is so obsessed with eating humans so much that he wants to eat his best friend". Not really a plot, y'know? So I'll be working on creating a more nuanced Dietary framework to prevent the au from being kitsch or tasteless! If any cannibal wants to eat a person there will be actual reasoning for it, not just because these characters are associated in canon.

Painting healthy relationships besides the toxic. Many of you said you still want the Belchers to have loved ones (family/friends) despite their cannibalism, and I LOVE this idea!! Whilst I do like to add a toxic touch to this au, I also don't want to pigeon-hole ANY character. I'd like to keep each individual fluid and organic, opposed to one-dimensional. (E.g. Courtney may still have an on/off dynamic with Gene despite the cannibalism - does she know? Does she not? Does she even care???)

I started neglecting the fresh meat au bc it started to feel stale, but seeing DT's post has really helped me want to dive back into it!! Very exciting times AAAAAAA!!!

However, I'm not a Writer™ (I can write scientific journals, but not English Fiction) therefore, if any fanfic writer would like to help me flesh out my ideas (pun not intended) that'd be greatly appreciated!!

I'd like to write more on FM!teddy but my experience as a plus-size person was not a healthy/supported one, therefore idk how to write a fat character in a healthy /non-fatphobic way as that was never the experience I received. Therefore, if there are any plus-sized users that would like to help me write a healthy, loved, non-fatphobic, fat character (starting that Good fat representation), please msg me!

A small thanks to DT for posting the primo content😩👌 they always come thru with the good shit

#bobs burgers #bob's burgers #bob's burgers: fresh meat #bobs burgers: fresh meat #fresh meat au

[java-dragon]

Bookbinding for Beginners by a Beginner Part 2

Am back there were some things that I missed stating in my last post. And starting up where I mean to continue. I may add things as I go, fair warning, but there is a lot to cover and sometimes I walk away and go "Welp.... forgot that thing". But for the sake of things not being overwhelming I tried to get the most "Up front" stuff done and out of the way in part one.

And I would like to take this time to say: Take it slow, pace yourself. There is no race. And the learning curve is steep in areas. You have to be ok with making mistakes because it WILL happen. Accept that you've made a mistake but don't get upset with lost time or materials. Make a note of what happened and have a journal on hand if you'd like to see how far you've come and the "OK so.... that didn't work. Don't do that again." At the end of the day we're here to line our shelves with lovely wonderful stories and have the pride of "I did this ain't that cool?"

There are a few optional things you might want to consider.

A paper guillotine this is to make the pages of your bind more tidy, but there is nothing wrong with a deckled edge.

example of deckled edges. It's just a fancy way of saying 'uneven'. There are ways to trim your project with a crafting knife / box cutter and a ruler but my experiments have yielded not so great results. Likely, it's due to several factors: One I don't know my own strength half the time, Two "light but firm pressure" means exactly "Well which is it cause for me those are two different things". Three See one. So deckled edges it is. But if you splurge on a paper guillotine, I salute you. You can also take it slower with a more traditional paper cutter but I recommend measuring twice before committing to a tape marker of where to line your pages up. It is up to you.

Optional but fun: Scrap book paper for decorative end pages. It's fun hunting around a craft store and finding what suits the vibe of the fic you're binding. My only note is aim for something that's not too stiff aim for something fairly easily folded and thin. Card stock like paper won't lay nicely in your book.

End bands these will go on the edge of the spine of your fic but over top of the mull (What is mull? That's coming up)

Mull which is essentially stiff cheese cloth this will add extra structure to your bind

Another option is a Subscription to Canva I only say this because you can sign up for free, but some of the options are locked behind a pay wall. It's fun to play with but the Pro version of Canva also lets you resize your canvas and do custom sizes. I have also done my binders logo in Canva (I actually have two as variants). I also use it to make decorative cover pages.

For your viewing pleasure this is what I came up with. Fun fact about me, I'm a thalassophile (I love the sea and everything about it) since I was consciously aware of the sea. The primary reason WHY I got into book binding is because I am going to be eventually moving onto and living and working off of a boat.

Lucky Seas Bookbinding one and two. Depending on what I feel like using.

Cricut all cricut accessories- there is a mini cricut if you want to dip your toe in. IF you go this route you'll need "HTV" or "Heat Transfer Vinyl"

You can also build your covers in canva and get as cost saving options

Printable sticker paper. OR Heat transfer paper

But this is stuff for covers. I'll get into what you need for covering the chipboard in a minute and give you a "Recipe" for book cloth (Cause I ain't got time nor the funds for some of the book cloth that is out there) but if you want to splurge for your project by all means look and see what is out there. But make note of this- you can just cover your book case in paper and just use sticker paper. I will recommend getting some sort of transparent contact paper to protect your cover (I will go through all of this in future just make a mental note of this)

Now for I promised:

I will be using Celestial Navigation as my example fic of how to down load a fic.

You're going to go to AO3 and go alllll the way over to "Download" and hit "HTML" you can either have it pop open right away or you can go to your downloads and open it up along with your word processor of choice.

You're going to hit Control A (PC) or Command A (Mac), Control/Command C, and then go to your word processor and hit Control/Command V. And listen to the take off noise your computer brand of choice inevitably wants to do while the fic makes it's way from the HTML over to the word processor.

What this all did was copy EVERYTHING and plop EVERYTHING (Save for comments) onto your document. Feel free to save what you have this far and pat yourself on the back you're about to start type facing.

I'm a minimalist in my designs but I have expanded a touch in terms of what I'm doing just to know and experiment for what works for me and what doesn't.

I will reiterate that I will be using Microsoft Word but I'm sure there's away to do this on other processors I just don't know how to do the other one's. I know Mac has something called "Pages". I never worked with it. I will try to add as many visuals as possible but some of my instructions will be "Go to this tab, click X Y and Z to make a thing happen".

Just know that this is what works for me and this is how I've managed to bumble through thus far. This is hardly perfect and I'm still very much experimenting with EVERYTHING. IF you find a better simpler way of doing things- by all means do so.

There's even a way to set up a template when you fire up Word but I've yet to figure it out.

But for now the fun begins- there is some tedium with this but it's best done with music or something on in the background that you can easily listen too but not watch.

First and foremost what you need to do is make the formatting into "Booklet" How to get there is:

Next up hit command A again. Yes... trust me. There might be a lot of this going on for a little bit while you fiddle and fart your way into a typeset you like.

Indent first line and line spacing is found here: Home Tab, Paragraph section hit the arrow pointing down towards the document- next to that is Line and Breaks- hit that if widow and orphan control is clicked unclick it what that does is allows paragraphs to be broken up and will flow into the next page.

Widow/Orphan control example:

Font: For me personally I do Garamond at 11 or 12 depending on my mood. I just like how it looks but find a font type that pleases your eye.

To get rid of hyperlinks:

Line spacing I set mine to 1.5 lines for easier reading. You can keep it to 1 or bump it up to two but the more space between lines means the larger the text block (AKA the book itself) will be.

Now I go back and highlight all of the fic information, and go to the popup menu after highlighting and take the line spacing down to 1 and remove the indents.

I also like to go to the headings section and get rid of the indents one by one on the chapter headings and then center them in the page. Go in front of the Chapter title EX "Chapter 1" and hit backspace until the indent is gone Highlight, there should be a pop up that allows you to change formatting, font and where the indent is.

This is all in the Layout Tab of Word:

Margins- I keep my margins at 1" all directions just because of how it looks on the page but you can have that as narrow as you please.

Next Page- separating the document to make type facing easier. What this does is make the document have "Chapters" within the document. Do this between Chapter one and the first few pages- the opening blank pages, title page ECT.

Double click on the header and footer on the document itself and click "link to previous"

What this does is make sure headers and footers (page numbers and the like) do NOT go up to the "Section" above the area you're working.

Word of note- I like having Chapters start at the beginning of a fresh page so I will go to the beginning of the Chapter Title "Chapter One" and hit "Next Section" and it will jump automatically to a new page.

You might also want to open up the navigation panel so you can hit the headings tab (I have mine set with Navigation Panel already open I don't recall how to get there, play around BUT the Navigation Panel will look akin to this on the Left Hand side of the document:

I downloaded "The Prize" to continue the examples as best I can sometimes it's hard to screen grab what I need on an already done document.

You can also add section breaks but leave it linked to previous to continue page number flow.

So you know selecting "Different odd and even pages" means that if you set a fun or different font for the page numbers you will have to go to ex page 2 and unlink the section from the previous.

Do this for headers as well. But that this does is give you the option to put the author's name and fic title alternating on odd and even pages:

Headers and footers:

With headers and footers section still highlighted hit "Page Number" "Format Page Numbers" Hit "Start at" and hit "One" for the section with the main text body.

This... I will admit took some fiddling for me to figure out. There were some frustrated noises and some choice words at times. But if you hit Layout, Next Page it should prevent you some heart ache instead of just constantly hitting the Enter Key and hoping for the best.

Different Odd and Even Pages what this means and how it works:

In my experience you will have to go to the first 1-3 pages to unlink everything from the Previous Section so it doesn't show up on the beginning pages of the document- but if you like the look of it, more power too you. It's your fic. It's going to be on your shelf at the end of the day. Follow your joy. I'm just letting you know what I do.

You will also have to unlink to previous section with the footers as well, and if you choose a different font and you want the numbers to match through the whole text you will have to input that. Hit the "Pages" Navigation and use that to scroll through things quickly so you can check your work and see if you're happy.

I'm kinda a fan of leaving the headers with the author's name and fic title alternating on pages OFF but I have experimented with it a little bit just to know what it looks like and what it does.

But here is an example of alternating Headers for Sabrecmc's "The Prize" (It was on my To Bind List and since Sabrecmc has given their blessing I'm hoping they don't mind me going "Alright people need visuals.... and this is what I'm working on."

To get the header from the left to the right side- hit tab and type what you please you can also highlight and set colour and font type. This is just Garamond for now for ease of example and reading for now.

Choices choices choices.

Some fic binders like to keep everything including author's comments at the beginning and ends of fics. Personally, I remove them just to keep the flow of everything. You can have a section at the back of the fic if you'd like with all of the comments but that is entirely up to your own personal preference. This is the fic for your shelf make it in a way that makes you happy.

Now all the way at the top of the fic I want you to insert 6 blank pages. But keep in mind this is front and back of pages in a book. Two blank pages on the document equals one page. Some binders go more than that depending on what all they like to do. You'll figure out what you like and what works for your project. Think Bob Ross- Happy little trees and do what you want.

But for me in the document: Pages 1 and 2 are blank as a sort of buffer page, 3 is the title page with the fic name and author and likely some simple design, 4 is all of the fic information- I keep the pairing, chapters, any additional or important tags or warnings, rating and a QR code to link back to the original fic. Page 5 is either left blank but I have added images as something fun for the hell of it that fits the fic, page 6 is my logo. In earlier experiments I played with where my logo goes this works for me I think but it may change in the future. IF you want to have a table of contents by all means add some pages to do so. I don't find it necessary so I don't do it.

To insert an image- for QR codes or title pages:

QR codes can also be just dragged and dropped I've been lazy and dragged and dropped and resized them from there.

I also put a disclaimer in red font: "This is for personal use only and is not intended to be sold! Retail value is estimated 25$" That is to cover the cost of the materials you have used or made in the process of your book that way if your fic somehow ends up in a donation bin it can't be sold for very much.

This is what the info section of a completed fic looks like for me:

To insert an image:

Insert Tab (Next to Home Tab) , Picture- next to the "Table" section, hit the drop down menu and hit "Upload from this device" and select where you have saved the QR Code to, desktop downloads what have you.

It should appear on your document and you can resize it as you please, if you click on the image there should be a pop up with a grey looking rainbow with lines- that's important for QR codes I have it "in line with text"

for fun headers "Have image behind text"

This is.... getting LONG as hell... so I'm going to stop here. But this should give you a jumping off point to start with your fan binding. Play around! Have fun.

Last few Tips:

Home Tab- in the paragraph section- if you need to know what the nitty gritty of what's going on in the document is- hit the backwards looking "P" with the line that's the sign for "Enter" on your keyboard. So you can see what that looks like I don't use it cause it clutters everything for my eyes, but it won't show on the final product. You can turn that on and off at your leisure

Insert Section: Scroll along the top until you see "Word art" one more over "Drop Cap", That's how you can get fancy letters at the beginning of the chapter. Sometimes you DO need to add some spaces between the Letter you're Drop capping and the rest BUT what that window looks like is this When you hit "Drop Cap Options" you can set whatever font you please for however many lines I typically do 3 but the more lines you drop the larger the letter. Tinker with it have fun.

There will likely be more type facing goodies next post... but after I get done type facing I'll get into getting the document ready for printing, how to print and what to do with that shopping list I gave you in that previous post.

REFERENCES, LINKS AND HELPFUL PEOPLE!

Some links for your consideration you will need this for future reference so book mark these:

French Link Stitch

Perfect bound books (AKA Paper backs)

Fun Fonts to spice up the document body itself, you can also import them into Canva.

Da font

1001 Free Fonts

Another resource to keep in mind for ink is this site here if you have cartridge printers see if you can't get a refillable set for your printer so you don't have to sell your arms, your legs, your first born and your house to keep printing your fic projects.

These two tiktokers right here explained everything the best, they are worth checking out even if you don't have Tik Tok. They've been going at this longer than me and don't go "OH SHIT I FORGOT A THING" constantly.

EDIT ONE! This is the punch cradle I have it makes it easy for french links for me

HoneyMinCo Sea Lemon

#bookbinding #fan binding #bookbinding for beginners by a beginner

[impunkster-syndrome]

I saw your list of things that you'd fix in Sparklecare and it was very interesting, especially the color saturation thing since I never realized how it didn't make sense that the in-universe characters couldn't see it.

this might be a weird question but are you planning on a story rewrite on a site like ao3/something like it (I think I remember reading a post that said something about it but I wasn't sure if it was serious or not)? I'm very curious about how your rewrite would go because the critiques I read in your post were very in-depth and made the characters not seem as surface-level. Plus I think it'd be cool to see a more novel-style version of the story

I'd thought about it with PD Foxx and their system (Sparklecare be damned I want my DID rep in that universe), plus just some AU versions of the already-existing mountain of characters I have and adore.

It'd probably use the eyestrain stuff to be representative of a character's perception of the world or the DID innerworld. I'm trying to pick apart my own history and experience for what to add and what not to for simplicity's sake. (I.e. Not wanting to write about our dubiously-RAMCOA stuff and making that too public in this kind of project, but still writing what we know, like CSA and living with that as an adult.)

Another possibility was using eyestrain as a shorthand for PD (Who has BPD and ASPD, but mainly holds ASPD traits. The name "PD" is short for Pan Dora but also can read as "Personality disorder" Foxx. Name is a play on "Pandora's Box" and the feeling of discovering trauma being like opening that. Also the "Foxx" part is intentionally misleading on their species, which is a mix of spotted hyena, maned wolf, and aardwolf, similar to how there's many misconceptions about trauma survivors but the reality is more complex.) splitting if this was drawn. Idolized characters are so vibrant while demonized characters are extremely dull. I also don't really have a style that fits this kind of storytelling. (If you see my kofi doodles of PD concepts, you'll see what I mean.)

I had the idea of opening an ask blog, but I'm not sure if I'll have the energy to manage it between job work, photosensitive-despair work, and the fact that I wouldn't do art for it making it less appealing. My plan was doing a in-character blog instead of the traditional ask blog due to likely lack of asks. Formatted like a journal and personal blog shared by a system.

I'm not quite done building PD's system. I'm waiting for inspiration to hit me like a car as I dance in the street to try to make it happen. I know the types of system members I want, since it is highly based of my system when I first found them back in... I think 2019? 2020? Wild that long has passed, and things have changed a lot since then.

I do plan for the ableism to be more realistic in medical settings. Doctors and nurses generally don't set out to kill people, so there isn't a Sparklecare going on in the background. Therapists might completely ignore outcries of abuse or gaslight patients. More grounded shows of ableism than outright murder and verbal abuse (Which to be clear can and does happen. Disabled people are often seen as better off dead and sometimes parents/carers do kill their already born disabled children/charge) always. I plan for mine to focus more on therapy which is what Kittycorn's South Esteam offshoot was/is.

#the blackbox askbox #sparklecare #sparklecare hospital

[contentment-of-cats]

Working and thinking.

The measured mile is the term a friend gave me. I am on the measured mile after surviving cancer treatment and surgery, and have nine months in remission. After talking with another friend last night, I realized how much I came to terms with the possibility of not making it. I did not expect to live. I went through the run-up to treatment making arrangements such as prepaid cremation, purchasing a place for my ashes to be interred, donating, trashing, or selling items. Prepared a will and designated an MPA since my mother had dementia. Made arrangements for Dusty and Beanie. I was getting ready to die.

I lived. It was close.

The happy pictures of people who 'beat' cancer' are a sales tool. Cancer treatment at best involves ionizing radiation being beamed into your body and cytotoxins targeted at your specific cancer being pumped in. Surgery removes body parts or adds feeding tubes, ostomy bags for feces and urine. You go through CT scans, MRI scans, ultrasounds. Even if it works, even if you survive, there's pain, lymphedema, fatigue, neuropathy, low immunity that leaves you catching any wayward pathogen. There's trauma. Some part of you gets the news of remission with joy, and another part thinks 'but for how long?' I have labs every month. My colonoscopy is scheduled right before the one-year anniversary of remission.

I was ready to die. I could have died. I thought that I would.

Instead I'm here and I feel so clueless sometimes. What will the rest of my life look like long-term? I am still in the day-to-day mindset. What is long term when I have a one-in-four chance of the cancer coming back? I can think about hobbies, I can think about limited travel - missing a large percentage of your intestines makes even a trip to the store a consideration. Sometimes I want to make plans, to buy things just for the sake of having, of returning to my hobbies. Then I think about not making it through the five years, and... sigh.

Some days I just want to sleep. I know it's depression and anxiety and trauma.

I know it's something I have to get through, just like the cancer. I need to take my meds, talk to my therapist, cry, and journal. Journaling helps. I have good, caring people around me. I have my kitties.

I'll make it somehow, however close or far away the end of the measured mile might be.

#cancer #remission #depression #struggles

[sangvislunae]

agent SEO SUNHWA has volunteered as a SCOUT in division four. they are 31 years old and resemble LEE JOOBIN of the good ol’ days. think they used to be a DISASTER RECOVERY SPECIALST FOR KOREAN RED CROSS back then, too. pity those days are over now. they’re a little NEUROTIC, but with their COMPASSION, they’re sure to make a fine addition to the unit. good luck and godspeed, soldier.

well hello hello everyone ! you can call me raroo and I'm so excited to join this rp and write with you (been waiting for a zombie themed rp again for a hot minute!!) !! I bring you my muse, sunhwa, a former korea red cross worker and kdr agent who has become jaded and pessimistic due to seeing how the kdr treated its fellow people during and after the outbreak. I don't have pages up yet but I hope to work on those today and tomorrow and get them up asap. in the mean time, under the read more I'll do a quick bio and some wanted plots! just click that little heart in the bottom corner and I'll come to bother you with plots. discord is available upon request!?

sis grew up the only daughter of a wealthy family and all their regrets and expectations were piled on her so she was in a thousand activities and doing the most constantly.

it worked out for the best as she got into yonsei university and graduated in 2015.

her first job had her dealing with the sewol ferry tragedy and needless to say it shook her and cemented in her that corruption couldn't be tolerated, especially if it was to benefit the haves at the risk of the have nots.

her job for the korean red cross saw her getting folded into the kdr leading up to the outbreak to try and mitigate disaster. needless to say it didn't go as planned and now everything is shit.

she hoped the kdr would be everything they said they'd be but seeing the reality has disillusioned her and once she was able to ditch them and join the fireflies she immediately took the opportunity.

she doesn't believe in the fireflies either tbh (not that she'll ever say that out loud) because she doesn't trust any group to be transparent and altruistic. she figures once the fireflies don't have a force to fight and unite against, they'll likely fall to corruption too but until that day comes she'll gladly use them to destroy the kdr.

she will push and start trouble if she thinks she knows something that can help others or make things easier. she's very outspoken but she's not a troublemaker or someone who starts issues for no reason.

she tries her best to be very kind and compassionate but something is just below the surface, her paranoia and neurosis.

if you knew her before the outbreak you'd think she was a pushover and maybe a bit naive and sheltered.

now she's closed off and detached but still wants to put humanity first.

she trusts very few people and may seem fake or disingenuous to some as she tries so hard to put on a good face??

plots that'd be fun??:

a love interest she ultimately betrays for the sake of her personal mission. m/f available.

obvi gotta be cliche and have someone who hates her/doubts her because of her former kdr affiliation.

someone who knew her before the fall. preferably friendly so we can have a cute found family plot?

someone who finds out her real motives? maybe they found a journal or saw her acting oddly and confronts her? the more dramatic the better!

I love angst and drama and slow burn so yeah!

someone she can vent to and wax poetically to about corruption and her wants for humanity and the future.

someone she can't stand. you rub her the wrong way and she gives you wide berth but something forces the two of you together.

?? literally anything and everything because I'm down. I have zero triggers and love dark and gritty and angsty so throw it at me!! (hope to add more and make a wanted plots page)

#frf:intro #♡. raroo! ✧ blow a kiss; fire a gun

[md3artjournal]

1/12/2023. So I've been working on this drawing since 1/8/2023. Started as an analog doodle in my sketchbook, then scanned, and have been using it to practice/learn how to work with vectors in Krita.

And I've learned a lot! I feel like I'm finally starting to get the hang of digital drawing!

---even though I still don't have a proper stylus. x_x; I can't see what I'm drawing behind my cheap stylus's giant nib, but using it whenever I can still saves my hand from pain. My laptop actually came with a stylus, but it uses AAAA batteries, that ran out, I can't find them at any of my usual stores, and I'm still a chicken about buying things online. x___x;;; I've never even bought anything from Amazon, to this day, for goodness sakes! x~x;;;;;;;

But my problem right now is that despite feeling proud of the progress I've been making, learning vectors and Krita, it's still not completely satisfying or fulfilling. I feel like I have a strange, unsatisfied itch in my hands from not drawing since 1/8/2023. I mean, what I've been doing digitally for the past few days should count as drawing, but my hand muscles feel like I haven't been drawing at all. Whatever I've been practicing, it's completely different from the need to draw that my hand muscles need.

So I've been considering ending this drawing at this state. Back when I decided to turn my analog doodle into a chance to practice digital drawing to my fullest extent, I told myself I'd practice all the details that I barely do anymore in my analog drawings, because I draw too small, I've been too focused on finishing a doodle everyday, I run out of time, etc. But drawing digitally allows me to make my tiny sketches large enough to add shading, highlights, and other details. So I wanted this drawing to be my chance to practice that. I wanted to be able to take my time, come back to a single drawing, multiple times, and really WORK it---adding onto it, adjusting it, modifying it, waiting for all my ideas to surface, instead of just rushing to get it done. But I don't know how much longer I can hold out not drawing in the way my hand muscles need.

But after writing that out, I guess the clear solution is to concurrently draw a bunch of analog stuff for my hand muscles, while keeping this digital drawing as a work in progress, until after I've added all those details I said I'd practice. I guess that's what I'll do.

Feel kind of bad for not posting it yet though. Because even at this state so far, I like it. But that's what I have my art journal blog for: work in progress pics and random art venting.

#work in progress #chibi #fanart #KhalidMitya #kemonomimi #progression #practice

[demented-tours]

Patreon Update & Read Along News

There's a whole lot of updatin' goin' on.

SO! This will be attempt number 4921 for me to keep some kind of... blog? Journal? Update-thingum? We'll see how this goes. But with the world melting and social media pouring on the gasoline to that fire, I... Well. Shit. I have no idea why I'm here.

Let's try this again:

HI! I'm Dee. I'll be making a pinned post with all the relevant information at some point on here, but here and now, let's talk about Patreon & Read Alongs.

Back in the fandom day, I used to host online parties (back before we had decent apps to do so, I may add) and read my stories to groups of friends. Obviously, the parts people were most inclined to hear were the ones with all the adult themes. I was very happy to oblige.

Last weekend, I hosted a small, invite-only reboot of that on Discord. I read some not-yet-posted chapters of my fanfiction Let Freedom Bleed, and I recorded the chapters, too (I did this back in the old days, too). It went great (I think), and I also believe I could do it again.

So after having struggled through seven billion cycles of Patreon rewards, I think I've landed on tiers that might actually work for everybody AND give me sanity.

Or, well, okay - that last bit might be asking too much. It'll at least not detract from current levels of sanity, assuming some level of aforementioned sanity is, in fact, present.

Right - anyway, Patreon's been updated to include Discord Read Alongs. I'll be hosting those... eh... I'm aiming for every six weeks or so? Maybe more, maybe less - the holidays are coming, family is in crisis, so... There's a bit to plan around. But it'll happen on as frequent a basis as I can possibly manage.

Mostly I'm sharing to let anyone know and also just to say I'm excited about it all. I've missed a lot of the old crew, the old habits and fandom ways, and I just generally need more fun-for-fun's sake in my life.

Patreon link is here, for those interested. For those who aren't, we'll return to our regularly scheduled Queue of nature, men, sarcasm, and coping with chronic illness and neurodiversity momentarily.

All the baked goods of your choice, <3Dee

#Dee speaks #writing #patreon #read along #fanfiction #fiction #darkprism #demented dee

[dakota-schuck]

Journal Entry | 2024

I feel I'm on the cusp of actually developing a routine. I think the barrier has been sorting through all the possible motivations for having a routine, and most of those motivations strike me as unsustainable, as likely to mutate into something harmful more than helpful, as something that I'll latch onto too tightly and it'll lead to burnout.

Another obstacle is that I'm rather high performing without a schedule, even though much of my time and energy is spent between things in the liminal space of not having quite determined what it is I'll be doing next, when I do get on a project I accomplish a lot and I end up looking like I spent ten times the time on whatever it is I produce.

I know this evokes a discourse regarding neurodiversity, and that is almost certainly relevant, or would be if I wanted to pursue a diagnosis. But again, I don't know if I'm impaired enough for that to be justified, I'm still hitting all the metrics so... yeah.

Anyway, yes, routine. Motivation.

I think I may be closing in on a motivation that works for me. You know that satisfying feeling when something clicks into place? That. That but on an abstract level rather than buttons or lumber. If I can make chunks of time in which multiple projects click into place alongside one another, then I get to feel that yummy sensation. It's productive hedonism rather than an appeal to something so easily abused as duty or productivity for its own sake.

I think there may be something to this approach. Instead of trying to make my whole life rigid and organized, just make space for larger gems of order set in the endlessly chaotic setting that is life. Afterall, that's how we do jewelry, isn't it? We don't add globs of gold into divots carved in crystal, we let the flowy stuff be the base and the organized chunks are arranged to make a curated display.

Either way, I like the imagery.

Journal Entry | 2024

#journal #tools

[jarredlharris]

Live-threading my thoughts while listening to the Thereafter Podcast interview with Sarah McCammon

The following is a transcript of the live-thread I posted while listening to Thereafter podcast 100.

Oh hey! I got sidetracked last week and never got around to listening to the new episode of @thereafterpodcast! I want to get on that right now before episodes start piling up on me. Let's do this!

Wait, @thepursuinglife was in NYC and didn't drive six hours to come have coffee with me in Rochester? How rude! 😝 @thereafterpodcast

.@thepursuinglife and @cortlandcoffey are talking about recent discussions (and examples) of transphobia on Twitter. I don't have anything to add other than complete agreement with them. @thereafterpodcast

. @thepursuinglife: "Google's right there." Silly Meghan. Don't you know that expecting privileged people to use Google is oppression? /s @thereafterpodcast

Gay Jesus is on TIkTok? I'm almost tempted to go check him out. @thereafterpodcast

Random thought while listening: Worldwide, Christians are not the majority. They are a plurality. But if the rest of us banned together, they'd be outnumbered. @thereafterpodcast

On queer the "queer people are groomers" narrative, I think it's also important to note that based on their actions, the people who spread those narrative don't actually care about CSA victims. They do nothing to actually help protect them or prevent their abuse. @thereafterpodcast

And as I was typing that, @cortlandcoffey was saying essentially the same thing. Solidarity, Cortland! @thereafterpodcast

On to the interview with @sarahmccammon_journalist! @thereafterpodcast

Sounds like @sarahmccammon_journalist has an interesting story about how her day job as a journalist forced her to revisit her past religious upbringing. I may have to check out her book. @thereafterpodcast1 reply · 

.@thepursuinglife mentioned that she almost became a missionary. Is that a "near miss" experience? Like "I almost got hit by a car"? @thereafterpodcast

.@sarahmccammon_journalist is sharing her approach to and views of journalism and it's cool. @thereafterpodcast

.@sarahmccammon_journalist is talking about how she didn't realize how strong or important a voting block (white) evangelicals were when she was growing up. I can relate to that. I think a lot of evangelicals try to portray themselves as only loosely organized. My cynical side says that's for the sake of plausible deniability. @thereafterpodcast

.@thepursuinglife is being a good podcast host and drumming up interest for @sarahmccammon_journalist's book. 🤣 @thereafterpodcast

.@sarahmccammon_journalist mentioned in passing that some people she talked to shared that they noticed family members starting to get into conspiracy theories. I'll be honest that I personally expect to get that to become far more common in evangelical circles as time goes by. @thereafterpodcast

My personal opinion on some of the white supremacy and other problems we're starting to see in the evangelical movement is that it's not so much a new thing but is just something more people are feeling more comfortable with being open about. @thereafterpodcast

My evidence for this is how many former evangelical spaces also struggle with fully divesting themselves of white supremacy. @thereafterpodcast

.@sarahmccammon_journalist: "I think Trump is a symptom of something larger." YES! @thereafterpodcast

People who leave the church are evangelicals' version of Bruno. They don't talk about them. @thereafterpodcast

Some days I wish that were true. Because when they do talk about us, it's not pretty. @thereafterpodcast1 reply · 

Let me once more pitch my theory that one of the unifying themes (and problems) of modern white evangelicalism is authoritarianism. @thereafterpodcast

.@sarahmccammon_journalist is talkinga bout how former evangelicals today seem to have more options for finding community today. I agree and I love that fact. @thereafterpodcast

A rule for the @thereafterpodcast drinking game: Whenever anyone on the podcast says the word "resonates," drink. Maybe chug.

.@sarahmccammon_journalist is talking about the shifting views of the media since Trump and it's a nuanced and thoughtful take. @thereafterpodcast

Yeah, Trump supporters seem unapologetically violent with their rhetoric at times. @thereafterpodcast

Another great episode! @thereafterpodcast

#deconstruction podcasts #thereafter podcast #spotify #exvangelicals #Spotify

[therealriver1]

Getting Back Into Writing...

I know I've been gone a while, but I don't plan on making any grand speech or introductions. I've considered closing this account multiple times since I don't know if anyone still reads my content or uses this platform. Nonetheless it's 2024 and I'm still here.

I started blogging on Tumblr as a hobby and because I really enjoyed writing. I still love writing! Writing on here acted as a journal for me, something that I could use to look back on years from now. Since I started writing with the intention of doing it for myself, I will continue to do so. I am glad to be back and will try my best to stay consistent. At the same time, I also don't want to force myself to write just for writings' sake. Instead, I'll write when I feel most inspired.

I had this idea of doing a "movie watchlist" based on my opinion of course. I wanted this list to be here for me in the future so I could see if my taste in movies has changed, matured or anything at all. Over the years I've watched a bunch of movies that I've enjoyed for different reasons. Movies were one good source of entertainment for me and my family growing up and brought me lots of fond memories. I remember being so excited to go to the video shop and pick out some of my favorites to rent and then going back home & watching it with my family. Dad and I would go to the video store and browse, sometimes taking longer than expected. I'd spend time looking at the covers reading the synopsis on the back before choosing anything. I was so proud when I picked something decent that everyone liked, I'd brag and say I had good taste! Those were the simple times when life was easy.

I digress, getting back to this list of mine. Let's just call it "Rivers' ultimate watchlist" for now. Like I said before this will be a random list of movies in no particular order from horror, comedy, romance, adventure, sci-fi and everything else in between. You might not know all of these movies or even like them but if you do find yourself bored and wondering what to watch, give it a try. I am sure you will find at least one good gem worth your time! I think I might do the same list for anime, kdrama, tv series and animated films later on and possibly update this movie list and add more titles.

Here's the list: ⦁ Harry Potter 2001 1-7 (The first four movies were among my faves) ⦁ Thirteen Ghosts 2001 (I don't know why but I've always liked this one) ⦁ Darkness Falls 2003 (A horror movie about the tooth fairy. This one will scare your kids.) ⦁ The Exorcist 1973 (The first one is still the scariest of all time. I also liked Exorcist: The Beginning but these are flicks I don't want to watch repeatedly or at night.) ⦁ Resident Evil 2002 (Yes, I know it's a video game adaptation and not everyone likes it. The very first one is a classic. I've also seen all the other movies in the franchise multiple times mostly because I like zombie action and Milla Jovovich) ⦁ Without a Paddle 2004 (A great comedy full of laughs. Definitely a fun watch in my opinion) ⦁ Euro Trip 2004 ("Scotty doesn't know!" "This isn't where I parked my car". I still remember the lyrics to the song. This one is a bit raunchy but in a good way if that makes sense.) ⦁ Me, Myself and Irene 2000 (Jim Carrey is great and so is Renée Zellweger. I really liked this one. Watch with an open mind) ⦁ Alien 1979 by Ridley Scott (I can't believe some people still haven't seen this. I love aliens and this one is a certified classic. You just have to see it for yourself. I've seen all the movies in the franchise and I'm still a fan after all these years. I'd happily rewatch any time.) ⦁ Blade 1988 1-3 (Ah vampires what can I say, I do love my supernatural movies! I think Wesley Snipes totally embodied Blade and was perfect for the role. I only recently found out that there's an animated version which features more of the lore from the comic books. The action in this movie is too good to pass on. In fact, my mom loved it so much she named our dog Blade) ⦁ Terminator 1984 (The second one is my favorite out of all the Terminator films, but I still enjoyed watching the others. There's just something about man versus machine that keeps you glued to your screen, that and Arnold Swarzenegger. ⦁ Zathura : A Space Adventure 2005 (I loved it! It's a kids movie but it's still a good) ⦁ Predator 1987 (Tying into the whole Alien vs Predator universe I naturally had to watch this. Prey is the most recently released movie in the franchise, do not skip this one!) ⦁ RV 2006 (Robin Williams is so funny, great family movie to watch together on movie night! ⦁ Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events 2004 (Some might say it's depressing, but the cast are brilliant actors and I thought it was a very clever film.) ⦁ Serenity 2005 (I didn't even know there was a show called Firefly linked to this movie. I only found out years later) ⦁ Pan's Labyrinth 2005 (Dark, twisted and brilliant but definitely not meant for everyone! This is a Spanish movie by Guillermo del Toro and still one of my faves. Please watch it with subtitles and not in dub. Also see Pacific Rim from the same director if you haven't watched it yet) ⦁ Jurassic Park 1993 1-3 (What can I say, I love dinos! The original will always be my favorite.) ⦁ Because of Winn Dixie 2005 (Great family film. Wholesome and heartwarming) ⦁ Dreamcatcher 2003 (This movie freaked me out as a kid, especially the toilet scene. I also heard there's a book so I might have to read it eventually) ⦁ Apocalypto 2006 (A really great film by Mel Gibson. If you can handle brutality, give it a try. It's definitely not for the faint of heart) ⦁ The Descent 2005 (If you're claustrophobic this movie will be your worst nightmare) ⦁ A Sound of Thunder 2005 (When I was young, I thought this movie had a really interesting concept.) ⦁ The Cave 2005 (It's similar to The Descent. It has that element of fear, the unknown and of course a mysterious creature) ⦁ Wonder 2017 (A really beautiful film with a great message) ⦁ Billie Elliot 2000 (The ending was so great! And I love the soundtrack because of Elton John. My favorite song from the movie was "electricity".)

(P.S I will be posting this in two parts because this was way longer than I expected!!)

#writers on tumblr #blogging #blog post #girlblogging #movies to watch #movie review #movie recommendation #horror films #old movies #scary movies

[csa-survivor-confessions]

(?) Hello, I'm the person who sent that 4-something part long question (for privacy's sake I'll refer to myself as ☀️ because this definitely won't be the last ask I send here while I'm trying to recover from my CSA trauma). Before I ask what I want to ask though, I just want to say thank you for answering my last question, I cannot understate how reassuring it was to know that I'm not alone on how I feel and that other people feel like this too, that and the sources you sent also helped !

"(Part 2) Now onto the question, I think the biggest roadblock for me in my CSA recovery is that I don't think my brain trusts me to actually recover, and it keeps trying to convince me that I'm a slut and a whore and a predator even after your answer to my question, I've even been starting to have intrusive thoughts where my abusers actually rape me and my brain keeps telling me that I would've liked their abuse and disgusting behavior if it was consensual, which isn't true.

(Part 3) It also keeps trying to convince me that you were lying to me and that maybe my abuse wasn't actually abuse even though it literally is. It doesn't help that I also sometimes hear the voices of my abusers in my head so that adds another layer of bullshit to the mix. Is everything I just listed common for CSA survivors recovering, and if so how can I get my brain to trust me and have faith in me again so that I can have faith in myself to get better and live a happy life?"

Hello,

I can definitely tell you that you are not alone in your struggles. Thoughts that are negative towards ourselves and feeling like we can't trust yourselves are common. Having thoughts that we are to blame or wanted it is normal, it's not correct but culture and our abusers push this on us, and it is much easier for children to belive something is wrong with themselves then it is to accept people hurt them because the abuser is not a kind person.

So one good technique for combating feeling like your abuse wasn't enough, that you wanted it, that you liked. and similar thoughts is to practice giving yourself the responses that you would give to a friend or a child. When you start to the thoughts that are judging you tell yourself what you would tell them. You have to really remind yourself to do this at first and it will feel silly, but it reframes your thoughts around your abuse.

Journaling your experiences and emotions on paper will give you a sort of proof that things have happened. It might not help as much with proving that the abuse as a young child happened, but it can help with organizing your thoughts and new memories. This can really help with giving you faith in yourself again.

Thought-stopping exercises could also help. When you get thoughts that are derogatory to yourself you can write them down and then write counter thoughts. This gives you a concrete thing to do and reinforces the other reframing practices.

It is also possible that your brain isn't ready to process the trauma. Being in crisis mode still which it sounds like you are doesn't really make processing memories feasible. Most trauma processing models require getting some day-to-day stability before you get to processing the deep memories.

It can also help to stop separating yourself from your brain. Your brain isn't against you, you are struggling with trauma responses. You are your mind and that can help build cohesive thought processes.

It is important to do intrusive thoughts coping skills repeatedly. They don't work right away. So with time, they will be more helpful. This article: Coping Skills Masterposts: Panic Attacks, Flashbacks & Dissociation, can also be helpful when you're extremely stressed.

Now hearing voices is something that could be very serious. I can't diagnose what might be going on for you but know that it might be something that if gets extremely bad looking for help might be really good for you. Of course, I respect that some people do not have access due to financial reasons or where they live. And we will always be here to help and support with what we can. We will do our best to answer as fast as we can.

I hope this helps,

-Admin 1