#like we always talk about how gaius is merlin's father figure but I forget how much he was arthur's too

[centurieslove]

rewatched 4x07 and this line left me dead in the street

#sometimes i forget how young arthur still is in season 4 #he's trying so hard in this episode #he's not saying lots but he has Thoughts #when he says he already has had his heartbroken?? #kill me #their interactions are so important to me #like we always talk about how gaius is merlin's father figure but I forget how much he was arthur's too #I'm hurting ok #fr though this line hit me like a truck #4x07 #merlin 4x07 #the secret sharer #arthur pendragon #gaius #bbc merlin

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Unjust

Prompts: Prompt for ya if u like! Ur so talented, big fan of your stories!-->>> Arthur is forced to come to grips with how little Merlin's life matters to society when Uther refuses to even discipline the nobles who beat him, dismissing Arthur with the words that will change how he sees the world forever; "Stop being so dramatic, he's only a servant. I'll get you a new one." - anon

The last fic you just wrote with h/c and merlin's duties as a servant WAS SO GOOD AND SO PAINFUL. Could we get a sequel? Maybe the knights trying to deal with the aftermath or the first time it happens again and Merlin trying to figure out what's something he's supposed to tell Arthur about v. actually his job? I don't know - anon

Ah yes more of these bois always

Read on Ao3 Part 1

Warnings: implied/referenced abuse, uther is an absolute gobshite, merlin gets hurt quite bad

Pairings: merthur, can be platonic or romantic you decide

Word Count: 2624

Arthur thought it couldn’t get worse.

Couldn’t get worse than Merlin looking at all of them with a completely serene expression on his face and telling them he’s been abused since the second he set foot in Camelot. That he could look at all of them and be absolutely sincere, calm, almost resigned about the torment he’s been put through.

Couldn’t get worse than Merlin being confused when all of the knights immediately protested, that yes, Merlin, this is systematic abuse, that has been allowed to pass unseen for too long, that there are no consequences for things like this but damnit there should be. That Merlin, somehow, knew that this was wrong but didn’t call it abuse.

Couldn’t get worse than Merlin looking at him, right at him, and telling him that Arthur has abused him, since day one, and that he doesn’t feel it’s his place to stop him. That Arthur has been complicit and has helped people abuse him because he thought Arthur didn’t care enough to help him realize that it was wrong.

No, Arthur thought they were past the worst of it.

Now Arthur tells Merlin bluntly that he’s not supposed to be the servant to any visiting knight. He’s supposed to walk them to their chambers and leave, right then. There will be other servants who will help them get settled the rest of the way. One will see to the bed. One will see to the food. One will see to the armor if, and only if, it is requested. Merlin will not spend a second more around the knights than he has to.

Merlin looks a little afraid when he tells him that and Arthur can’t stop himself from taking the man into his arms and asking him what’s the matter.

“They’ll be angry,” he mutters, studiously avoiding Arthur’s gaze, “they’ll be angry I’m not staying.”

“Then they can come and talk to me.” Arthur brushes Merlin’s hair out of his face. “But they don’t get to harm you.”

Leon enforces it the first time a knight decides no, he’s going to get upset when Merlin leaves. Leon’s temper does not flare often, nor does it flare particularly high, but he’ll never forget the way Merlin rushes to his side and tells him he swears Leon’s eyes flashed red for a second. Leon tells him later that he…persuaded the knight to be grateful that there were servants here to help him at all.

He makes sure to be nearby the next time, just to see Leon slam the knight against the wall.

Leon bustles Merlin down to the armory, passing it off as the need to clean the weapons, when Arthur knows full well it’s an excuse to hoard Merlin to themselves and keep him safe.

Sometimes Elyan takes it a step further, comes between whatever knight thinks it’s a good idea to accost Merlin in the armory and tells them back off. He makes a show of Merlin knowing exactly where all the weapons are and exactly how often one of them will come down to find him. Merlin returns to Arthur’s chambers after the first time with a soft ‘you’d really come look for me?’ Arthur doesn’t quite cuddle him to sleep that night but they don’t move from the hug for a while.

Percival, of course, turns the protective hug into an art form. The man is huge, certainly much larger than the average knight, and watching him glare at someone over Merlin’s shoulders is quickly turning into one of Arthur’s favorite past times. He’s no stranger to the way Merlin will sometimes scoot closer to someone when he’s feeling overwhelmed, but it’s something else to see Percival almost mold into shape when Merlin’s by his side. A soft word in Percival’s ear and you couldn’t drag him away.

Lancelot is never far from Merlin’s side. Merlin jokes one day that he and Arthur have some sort of alliance or pact; one of them is never allowed to be further than a few paces away from him if the other isn’t around.

“That’s not true, Merlin,” Lancelot chuckles, nudging his knee with his foot, “the two of us don’t have that pact.”

No, Arthur smiles privately to himself, the six of us have that pact.

And sometimes Merlin can’t come to Arthur. That knowledge still burns when he remembers it, but it makes sense. Arthur holds a position of power. Arthur has—whether he feels sick with regret or not—contributed to Merlin’s abuse. Arthur is not always there for Merlin the way he needs to be. But Lancelot is.

And when Lancelot isn’t, Merlin always has Gwaine.

Arthur is not too proud to admit that he and Gwaine butt heads more often than they don’t, certainly when it comes to Merlin. But where Merlin’s safety and comfort is concerned, they never fight. It is Merlin who dictates where he feels the safest, whose side he wants to stay at for a while. It is Merlin who decides where he will run when he’s upset. They never fight about it. It’s always concern—what can they do to help? When was the last time he ate? Does he want to talk about what happened? Merlin notices it the first time Arthur accidentally walks in on him lying in Gwaine’s arms and there’s nary a barb tossed between them before Arthur is softly asking if he’s allowed to stay too and Gwaine tucking him into the embrace alongside them.

“Did you two finally learn how to get along?”

“Only for you, Merlin,” Gwaine says quietly, “only for you.”

And yes, there are absolutely nights where Merlin shakes more than he usually does or one of the visiting knights makes the mistake of cuffing him where they can see and they all end up piled into Arthur’s chambers. After the knight’s been humiliated on the training field by every single one of them and blacklisted from any future tournaments.

Merlin doesn’t always ask for them, but when he does, everyone drops everything. That’s the unspoken agreement. Merlin so much as sniffles and their afternoon plans are dust. Arthur will never forget the day Percival swept into his chambers with Merlin in his arms, the other knights in a guard of honor as Merlin threw his arms around Arthur’s neck.

“Shh, shh,” Arthur murmurs, lowering them to the ground as Leon tells the guards to leave them be, “you’re safe, I won’t hurt you, you’re alright.”

That’s a promise.

So yes, Arthur thought it couldn’t get worse.

As always, leave it to his father to make everything worse.

Merlin is missing. Arthur strides out of his chambers before the guards even realize the doors have been thrown open. Merlin is missing and that’s all that matters. His armor clanks loudly in the hallway and the other people jump to the side to get out of his way.

Good.

He knocks on the door of Gaius’s chambers. Gaius looks at him like he’s just grown another head. It doesn’t matter. Where is Merlin?

“I thought he was with you, sire.”

Merlin is missing. He leaves with strict instructions to find him whenever Merlin turns up. He stalks to the armory and runs into Elyan and Percival. Where is Merlin?

“Haven’t seen him,” Elyan mutters, already rushing off, “I’ll ask Gwen.”

Percival falls into step behind him as they hustle down the corridor. Leon comes out of one of the halls and immediately assumes a position on Arthur’s left.

“What is it, sire?”

“Where is Merlin?”

Leon doesn’t say another word. If all the guards decide to flatten themselves against the wall as the three of them go by, that’s their business.

They find Gwaine muttering curses as he storms toward the tournament grounds.

“Where is Merlin?”

“If the way Godefroy was looking at him is any indication—“ and they’re already seeing red— “then we need to move.”

No need to tell them twice.

Arthur leads the charge down to the door. He throws it open and all the training knights freeze. He glares around at them, looking for Merlin, Merlin, you’re not Merlin.

“Godefroy,” comes Leon’s clipped voice, “where?”

“This way.” They turn to see Lancelot stalking toward the training ground, the other recruits parting like smoke as they storm forward.

Arthur feels it before he hears it.

Smack!

The other knights are caught in the maze of weapon racks as Arthur darts through the armory.

“Stupid, worthless boy, needs to be taught a lesson.”

Smack!

The wounded yelp makes him push faster. He rounds the corner and—

Godefroy. On top of Merlin. His hand raises to smack him again. Merlin on his back. Hands up. Defending but not defending enough.

His teeth are not bared.

His expression is resigned.

He does not spit in the knight’s face.

The knight moves to strike him again.

Not on my goddamn watch.

“Get your hands off him,” Arthur snarls, the blade singing as he pulls it from the scabbard, “get your hands off him!”

Godefroy looks up. “He’s just a servant, he needs to be disciplined properly.”

“You must not have heard me—“ why is he still too far away?— “I told you to get off of him.”

Godefroy rolls his eyes but complies, because Arthur is the prince and his word is law but that doesn’t mean the knight has to agree.

Merlin doesn’t move.

Arthur snarls again, readying his sword for an attack only for Godefroy to stand there, not readying himself for the blow.

“How dare you strike him,” he spits, “how dare you raise a hand to him.”

Godefroy says nothing.

“Are you too much of a coward to defend yourself?” Arthur hefts the sword. “Are you?”

“Arthur,” comes a steel voice from the other end of the hall, “what is the meaning of this?”

He turns.

Uther strides toward him, looking down his nose the way Arthur looks at the muck on his boots. “Surely you have some explanation for your behavior.”

“He hurt Merlin,” Arthur growls, gesturing at—oh, Merlin, why are you still on the floor?

Uther scoffs. “I understand being possessive of your property, but really, Arthur, there’s no need for such childish behavior.”

“Childish—Father, he hurt him.”

“So?”

So?

So?

Fucking so?

“He’s just a servant,” Uther says, waving a dismissive hand, “stop being so dramatic. I’ll get you another one if Godefroy breaks him.”

Godefroy steps around Arthur, looking far too smug, and leaves.

Arthur stands there, panting, as his chest roils with anger too deeply buried to come out as anything other than agony.

This. This is why Merlin didn’t believe him.

Distantly, he hears the other knights rushing down the corridor and he turns, sheathing the sword and crouching, all but ripping off his rough gloves to cradle Merlin’s head in his hands.

“Merlin,” he calls softly, “Merlin, can you hear me?”

Merlin nods, his eyes still a little dazed.

“Good. Try and sit up. Lean on me if you need to.”

By the time Lancelot rushes forward to fall to his knees beside them, Merlin is propped up against Arthur’s shoulder, his head far too red for his liking. Gwaine mutters another curse as the knights spill protectively into the hall.

“Merlin,” Lancelot calls, “Merlin?”

Merlin shakes his head. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not,” he corrects, taking Merlin’s hand, “it’s really not.”

“It’s better me than someone else.”

Arthur buries his head in Merlin’s neck. Because Merlin’s right.

How many other servants have had to go through this? How many people has the mighty wheel of Uther Pendragon crushed underneath its weight? How many times has he turned the corner into a hallway where someone was beaten just for being a servant?

Merlin has him. Merlin has the knights. Merlin has Gaius. Merlin will be protected because they know about Merlin.

Who don’t they know about?

“This stops,” he grits out, “right now.”

“You can’t stop everyone,” Merlin mumbles, still slumped against Arthur, “you can’t, Arthur.”

“I’m the Crown Prince of Camelot,” Arthur says, holding Merlin tightly, “if I decide that there need to be consequences for actions, there will damn well be consequences.”

There are.

Merlin is shuttled back to his chambers with Lancelot and Elyan. Gwaine and Percival return to the training grounds with twin looks of determination. Arthur and Leon go straight to the steward.

The steward blinks up at them, clearly taken aback by the question. “I’m terribly sorry, sire, would you mind asking one more time?”

“The servants,” Arthur says, “how many of them are mistreated? How are they mistreated? I want to know.”

“Well, sire…all of them.” The steward fiddles with a stack of paper, moving it aside so he can lean on his elbows. “They do not have…there is not the power to protect them the way there is to protect you or the knights.”

“And how do we give them that power?”

“Come again, sire?”

“They are people,” Arthur says firmly, Leon’s unwavering presence at his side, “they are people and they should be treated as such. How do we ensure that happens?”

“W-well, sire,” the steward says slowly, “any large reforms would need the consent of the King. But there are…there are smaller ways that we can arrange for their treatment to…improve.”

“Such as?”

The steward looks at him strangely. “Forgive me, sire, but…I did not expect this behavior from you.”

Arthur shifts in the chair. “Perhaps I’ve been refusing to look for too long.”

“It is an admirable shift, sire.”

“It’s common decency. Now what do we do?”

Some knights start finding it hard to run into servants in the hallways. Some knights don’t receive chambers with proper insulation. Some knights are beaten down on the training ground over and over. Some knights find it impossible to stay.

Some knights figure out what’s going on quickly. Some knights have kind words and soft questions and thank-yous. Some knights start to push back when they see another knight be too brash, too rough, too callous.

Some knights get it. Some knights don’t.

Those that don’t either leave fast or learn faster.

Godefroy finds himself the training dummy, pelted with arrows, clubs, staffs. The other knights find he has grown cocky over sparring with whatever servants have been dragged out to the field and do not hide their interest when Leon offers to help him regain some of his prowess.

He never gets within five feet of Merlin again.

Uther is beside himself, wondering where all his servants have gone, where all his knights are going, and why no one else seems to be the least bit concerned about it. Arthur smiles privately to himself as he watches the steward explain calmly that if he wants to know what’s going on with the servants, perhaps he could try talking to them.

“After all, sire, servants are people too.”

#merthur #merlin bbc #bbc merlin #merlin #fic #dragonbabbles

[swearwolf-writes]

Merlin: Magic for the Masses

bcs magic isn't evil and this is my personal comfort fic

[CROSSPOSTED ON: AO3]

Season 1

AGES:

MERLIN:17-18

ARTHUR: 20-21

MORGANA: 22-23

GWEN: 17-18 (YOUNGER THAN MERLIN BY MERE MONTHS)

MORDRED: ~10-11

The Dragon’s Call

Valiant

The Mark of Nimue

Gwen finds out Merlin has magic (bcs he somehow knew her father was better) and keeps his secret

The Poisoned Chalice

Gwen sees the scrying lights

Lancelot

A Remedy to Cure All Ills

The Gates of Avalon

Merlin talks to Morgana about her seer abilities and promises to keep her secret

The Beginning of the End

Uses magic to save Mordred

Helps Arthur smuggle Mordred away

Excalibur

The Moment of Truth

The Labyrinth of Gedreth

To Kill the King

Le Morte D’Arthur

6 MONTHS PASS

Season 2

AGES:

MERLIN: 18-19

ARTHUR: 21-22

MORGANA: 23-24

GWEN: 18-19 (A FEW MONTHS YOUNGER THAN MERLIN)

MORDRED: ~11-12

The Curse of Cornelius Sigan

The Once and Future Queen

The Nightmare Begins

Tells Morgana of his own magic and now they’re boys

He can help her to an extent but they both need some help and so want to go to the druids together (bcs she’s got magic and he’s somehow Emrys although she doesn’t know the name yet) but he has his duties with Arthur and so she goes alone

Merlin find her with the druids during the panic in Camelot

They keep each other’s secrets (even if she doesn’t know Merlin is Emrys just yet)

Lancelot and Guinevere

Beauty and the Beast

Arthur sees Merlin with the mirror and asks him how he got the mirror down there without any rope

And voila the moron’s magic is revealed and it is then that he realises Merlin uses his magic to save his butt whoops (but he doesn’t tell Arthur about Morgana’s abilities bcs that’s not his secret to tell) 

But still doesn’t believe Merlin when he mentions that she’s a TROLL

The Witchfinder

Arthur kicked Merlin’s magic book under the bed and says it’s all clear bcs he doesn’t want anyone to be executed bcs no one got hurt with the magic and it was just a bit of fun

Merlin: “We know Aredian set Gaius up and then he’s coming after us-”

Arthur: “Us? Us who?”

Merlin: “I can’t say bcs that’s not my secret to tell”

Arthur: “If you know another sorcerer-”

Merlin: “Then what? What, you’ll execute them?”

Arthur: “I- I mean, no, but-”

Merlin: “But what? If it doesn’t matter with me then why should it matter if anyone has magic?”

The Sins of the Father

Morgana shows Merlin the bracelet Morgause gave her and he can feel the magic in it and lo and behold: she’s a sorceress too

Their mother, Lady Vivienne, was a sorceress and as was Morgause’s father that’s why Morgause was given to the High Priestess of the Old Religion but Uther thought that as Morgana had one non-magic parent, she would not develop abilities (he was wrong)

Merlin tells Arthur it was a lie to stop him killing his father but then reveals the truth once Arthur could not get to Uther and he also reasons that while it was Uther’s fault, no one was to blame as he didn’t know what’d happen (and was too headstrong to listen) and Nimue had no choice but to comply, on pain of death

The Lady of the Lake

Sweet Dreams

The Witch’s Quickening

Morgana tries to tell Merlin the plan but he stops her

Merlin: “I’m the future king’s manservant - plausible deniability is my only saviour right now. I will not aid you nor will I stop you but if I think innocents will get hurt, I will stop you.”

Morgana: “I would expect nothing else.”

Ignores Kilgharrah

Helps Mordred escape safely bcs he was innocent and brainwashed by a fanatic “I will not forget this”

Morgana tells him, after the fact, that she let the fanatic go bcs he just wanted to free magicfolk

They continue their training in private bcs insomnia via dragon

The Fires of Idirsholas

When Morgana sees Gwen sick, she tells Merlin about Morgause as soon as she gets the chance

Merlin tells Morgana about how she’s the source of the curse albeit unknowingly but the only way to save everyone is if she dies but they need to figure out how to save her so she took the hemlock and poisoned herself

It still hurt her bcs yk it’s poison so her telepathic pain was still a thing and Morgause came along and she took her after stopping the curse

The Last Dragonlord

1 YEAR PASSES

Season 3

AGES:

MERLIN: 20-21

ARTHUR: 23-24

MORGANA: 25-26

GWEN: 20-21 (A FEW MONTHS SHY OF MERLIN)

MORDRED: ~13-14

The Tears of Uther Pendragon 1

Merlin is so sorry that she had to poison herself and was so glad she was back

Arthur thinks there’s a thing between them meanwhile Morgana thinks there’s a thing between he and Arthur and Gwen

Morgana knocks the guard out and wipes his recent memories but she’s still not the best at her magic so he was just injured so Morgause spells him from afar to kill him bcs Morgana is not a murder even if she does hate Uther

Morgause: “You should have killed the guard”

Morgana: “I will not be like Uther and kill anyone who irritates me - he was in my way but simply following orders”

Morgause kidnaps Merlin but Morgana asks her not to kill him - he might just be a servant but he’s well-liked and popular - people will notice

The Tears of Uther Pendragon 2

Magic jokes with Arthur yay

Tense Mergana

Morgana: “You know I don’t wanna hurt you but this is to help our people so please don’t get in my way or whatever I have to do, I’ll do it.”

Merlin: “I’d expect nothing less”

More magic jokes with Arthur feat. armour

Morgana and Merlin fight in the crypt and use magic causing the ceiling to cave but Merlin saves her bcs “you’re my friend” but uses magic to break the staff while Morgana runs to safety and takes the credit to keep up appearances 

Morgana: “sorry Merlin but our people come before us and they deserve better”

Merlin: “if that’s the case then why should our legacy to better ourselves begin with the massacre of innocents?”

Morgana: “it may be wrong but what other beginning do we have other than the slaughter of our own people, our women and children? Innocents weren’t supposed to get hurt but that was Cenred’s army not ours - the skeletals were only supposed to attack knights fighting us”

Goblin’s Gold renamed Gnome’s Gold

Gaius: “Gnomes are mischievous but not always dangerous in nature so long as they get what they want: gold. They have often been known as guardians of treasures, of mines and of precious stones.”

Merlin tells Arthur and Morgana about gnome!Gaius (separately)

Gets his butt kicked by Arthur when he sees that Merlin didn’t undo the donkey curse immediately

Merlin: “sorcerer’s magic and gnome magic are two very different things- how was I supposed to know it wouldn’t fully do the trick-”

Gwaine

Arthur: “I could’ve beaten them on my own Merlin, I didn’t need your help-”

Merlin: “well if not mine then certainly Gwaine’s at least-”

Arthur: “shut up, Merlin”

The Crystal Cave

Morgause is the one who was supposed to kill Uther bcs Morgana doesn’t want to kill anyone

Arthur gets her jewellery instead of a knife bcs Merlin actually tells him the prophecy

Morgause fails lmao

When Morgause tries to kill Merlin, she steps in and ends up needing the infirmary so Morgause runs

When Morgana and Merlin find out her lineage, they tell Arthur bcs ‘wtf?? I have a sister? You’re older so ig you’re the heir??’

The Changeling

Merlin tells Gwen and Arthur about lil changeling Elena and they’re like wait he/she knows??

Elena is a respectable thembo by the end of it all

The Castle of Fyrien

Merlin uses magic to light a campfire in front of Morgana, Gwen and Arthur to which again there’s the whole wait you know stuff

Morgana: “and you’re okay with it? After everything Uther says about magic users?”

Arthur: “I know Merlin and he has a good heart even if he is an idiot. And the druid boy wasn’t evil either, he was just a child. Merlin’s shown me that magic isn’t evil but instead just a tool and it’s the person using it incorrectly that should be punished rather than magicfolk as a whole.”

Morgana: “so you disagree with the ban on magic?”

Arthur: “So what if people use magic to do their chores faster? They’re not hurting anyone. It would be like condemning every person who’s ever owned a sword bcs they might hurt someone.”

Morgana: “how long have you known?”

Arthur: “since Father tried to marry a troll”

Morgana: “and you never said anything to anyone?”

Arthur: “it’s not my secret to tell”

She goes back to their side and saves Arthur from Morgause’s fire but it blows back and knocks her over so she wants to make sure her sister’s okay but gets pulled to safety by Merlin

~ later ~

Merlin: “Why did you save Arthur? You could’ve let him die and left Camelot without an heir but you saved him; why?”

Morgana: “bcs he protects you. If he was protecting a knight, I still wouldn’t trust him but you’re just a servant and yet he protects your life and our secret. Arthur is a good man and I don’t want any bloodshed - if we can give our people peace again with Arthur, I will stand by him.”

Merlin: “thank you.”

Morgana: “this does not mean I stand by Uther -  I will still fight against his tyrannous ways every chance I get.”

Merlin: “I’d expect nothing less”

The Eye of the Phoenix

Morgause gives Arthur a bracelet while disguised as an old woman “for good luck on your journey” and Gwen sees her real face in a puddle

Tells Morgana about it and they, along with Gaius, look for some way to counter the spell (and thus Morgana reveals her magic to Gwen)

Love in the Time of Dragons

Merlin doth be a snitch but they believe Alice when she says she has no choice and they try and help her as best as they can (Arthur is a sweetheart to old people (no offence, Alice-))

Queen of Hearts

Morgause tries to break Arthur’s heart and cause the rift between father and son by manipulating a young sorcerer into doing all the stuff that gets Gwen tried for magic

Dragoon and Arthur deal with stuffs but this time, he knows it’s his personal dumbass

Morgana helps with the anti-aging potion for Merlin bcs magic squad!!

The Sorcerer’s Shadow

The Coming of Arthur 1

Sir Leon is made immortal (by accident) by the druids who save him with the Cup of Life

When Morgause finds out Leon lives, she finds out about the Cup

Gwaine catches Merlin trying to heal Arthur and thus finds out about his magic too

Morgause rules with an iron fist and threatens to kill her and everyone else if Morgana doesn’t become queen and her mouthpiece bcs “you betrayed me sister so your life means nothing to me. And these peasants are mere cockroaches - whether they live or die, I don’t care - in fact, if they die, our people could live here in Camelot but regardless, those poor, innocent villagers’ blood will be on your hands, sister. Now, yield.”

The Coming of Arthur 2

Gwen tells everyone of how Morgana is just as much a prisoner as she was

Morgana uses magic to help fight Morgause but hurts her and despite everything “she’s my sister - I abandoned her once, I will not do it again. I will ensure her safety and ours in the process - rule well, brother” and she leaves with her sister using magic

1 YEAR PASSES

Season 4

AGES:

MERLIN: 22-23

ARTHUR: 24-25

MORGANA: 27-28

GWEN: 22-23 (A FEW MONTHS SHY OF MERLIN)

MORDRED: ~15-16

Morgana becomes the High Priestess of the Triple Goddess

The Darkest Hour 1

Kara’s mother, Ealdgyð, was helping Morgause bcs Morgana was forced to leave her when she began attacking her, all faith in her younger sister lost

Morgana was back in Camelot but yk “I couldn’t kill her- she’s still my sister- I’m sorry”

Knowing how much Morgana hated him for the things he did still left Uther crippled, even upon her return

Ealdgyð opened the veil upon Morgause’s death and she, Merlin and Morgana all passed out and saw the vision

Emrys was Morgana’s destiny and Ealdgyð’s doom

Emyrs’ identity is protected from Ealdgyð (and later Kara) by the Triple Goddess bcs they may be followers of the Old Religion but they perverted the peaceful nature of druids and so lost that information which was most valuable to them

Agravaine, being loyal to Morgause, now reports to Ealdgyð and tells her about their plan

Merlin and Morgana both want to be sacrifices to the veil

Merlin: “it’s my destiny to protect Arthur”

Morgana: “but this was my sister’s doing and therefore it is my responsibility to undo”

The Darkest Hour 2

Morgana tries to heal Merlin from the Dorocha but is unable to

Morgana continues on the quest with the knights while Lancelot and Merlin go their own way

Agravain on Ealdgyð’s orders knocks out Gwen bcs she convinced the council to reduce rationing the lower towns

The Wicked Day

Merlin tries to save Uther for Arthur’s sake but Morgana refuses to try

Morgana (to Arthur): “I am sorry you’re losing your father but he literally massacred our people - I will not save him”

Uther still dies but they noticed the pendant and want to find and take Ealdgyð’s head but they don’t know who she is bcs she’s smart

Arthur: “Magic will one day live freely in Camelot once more but not today - it is easier to find one sorcerer among no others than one from hundreds and despite your hatred of the things he did, you must know what this person did was wrong”

Morgana: “find them and bring them to justice, not for practicing sorcery but for committing murder”

Arthur: “of course”

Morgana is all for Arthur being the king bcs she knows after everything with Morgause and Cenred, the people would never accept her as queen but at least this way, her people stood a chance

Aithusa

Arthur doesn’t plan on destroying the egg but doesn’t really care what happens to it so long as Broden is captured

Morgana goes with the knights as magic is her lineage too and they will keep her secret

Merlin tells them of the Druids warnings about the trap bcs knight squad knows the magic squad secret (that they’re ✨magic✨)

He and Morgana witness the birth of Aithusa who immediately takes a liking to Morgana

His Father’s Son

Ealdgyð allies herself with Annis after Caerleon’s death

Morgana hints at Arthur to get Gwen flowers

At this point Morgana is just as strong as Merlin as they train together

A Servant of Two Masters

Ealdgyð takes Merlin

Thinks Dragoon is Emrys

The Secret Sharer

Ealdgyð: “I do this, not out of spite, but to ensure my daughter does not have to live her life as I did, afraid and in hiding”

Lamia

Morgana searches with Arthur and Agravaine

Lancelot du Lac

Ealdgyð will not have some common non-magic child take her throne and title (believes it is rightfully hers as magic is superior and she is the chosen heir of a high priestess (Morgause))

Merlin uses magic freely in front of those who know

Frees Lancelot’s soul but cannot stop Gwen’s banishing bcs Agravaine

A Herald of the New Age

Merlin tells Arthur about the Druid boy and Elyan’s situation but they need to figure something out bcs knowing intimate knowledge of magic wouldn’t help their case

The Hunter’s Heart

Arthur: “Well what am I supposed to do, Merlin? Tell the whole court we’ve been committing high treason for years - they would think us in league with the other sorcerer and take our heads”

Gwen avoids the sorceress smartly bcs she has brain cells

Morgana: “Do you think I’m happy about all this? I’ve been planning their wedding for years - who wouldn’t want their closest friend to become their sister?”

~ while on the hunt ~

Morgana: Wait a minute, you like Mithian-”

Merlin: “what no-”

Morgana: “you’re doing the thing”

Merlin: “what thing? I don’t do a thing.”

Morgana: “yes you do, It’s that thing you do when you think Gwaine isn’t looking”

Merlin: “shut up-”

Morgana: “oh this is gonna be fun”

Arthur calls off the hunt when Merlin tells him the deer is really Gwen but he and Mithian can’t be gone long so he and Morgana help after dark, Merlin being a physician and helping her wounds and Morgana turning her human again

She spills the beans and reveals the sorceress’ name as Ealdgyð and that Agravaine is definitely in league but they had to proof and couldn’t just accuse the king’s uncle especially given that they’re only a servant and an exile

The Sword in the Stone 1

Ealdgyð and Helios attack Camelot on Beltaine

Morgana is captured

Ealdgyð (to Morgana): “You betrayed our people”

The Sword in the Stone 2

Morgana is made to starve “like so many of our own have bcs of your precious family”

Ealdgyð: “You, Arthur Pendragon, are in fact worse than your father. You pretend to be a man of peace while upholding an unlawful law that has killed countless women and children”

Aithusa stays with Morgana but Ealdgyð is saved by random folks who think her simply a lost, hurt woman

3 YEARS PASS

Season 5

AGES:

MERLIN: 26-27

ARTHUR: 28-29

MORGANA: 31-32

GWEN: 26-27 (A FEW MONTHS YOUNGER THAN MERLIN)

MORDRED: ~19-20

Arthur’s Bane 1

Mordred is on Ealdgyð’s side bcs she’s Kara’s mother (eventually realises she’s wrong bcs what kind of mother drags her child into war)

Morgana and Aithusa stay with Gwen to help protect the castle bcs “the knights already have a sorcerer - if something happens here, Gods forbid it, you will need someone”

Merlin tells Arthur of the seer’s vision to which he reminds the young warlock that Morgana was supposed to also be their fate and yet she was saved and so will the boy be

The group is captured by Ealdgyð and here we meet Mordred

Arthur’s Bane 2

Mordred tries to get food to Merlin and Arthur but cannot ‘sorry, Emrys’

‘I said I would not forget what you did for me and I meant it’ and so Mordred tells him about the Diamair

They fight the Saxons with Mordred secretly helping them escape

Merlin: ‘thank you Mordred’

Mordred: ‘just returning the favour’

Merlin is attacked by a druid Saxon who he knocks out

~ confrontation time ~

Arthur: “We want to help you, Ealdgyð, but when you attack and enslave our people, it doesn’t exactly give us much confidence in you.”

Ealdgyð: “Liar! You force Morgana to hide away and to forget who she truly is-”

Arthur: “Actually she’s at the castle protecting everyone bcs we know that magic isn’t evil but your hatred, Ealdgyð, has made you evil.”

Ealdgyð: “If you are so good and kind, why do you not lift the ban on our people?”

Arthur: “Finding one sorcerer, you, amongst few is much easier than finding you amongst countless others. We have not persecuted any magic users since my coronation - the law is just there in name and once you are gone, it will be removed once and for all.”

Ealdgyð: “So you think killing me will make our people love you?”

Arthur: “I don’t want their love, only their forgiveness but you killed the king and that is high treason, regardless of magic.”

Mordred stabs Ealdgyð when he hears their conversation bcs o hey she’s nuts and yk he’s not evil :)

~ later ~

Merlin: “Actually, Arthur, Gwen and some of the knights know I have magic.”

Mordred: “When did he know?”

Merlin: “A couple of months after you and I first met. It’s actually quite a funny story-”

Arthur: “Merlin, shut up-”

Merlin: ‘I’ll tell you later.’

Mordred calls Merlin Emrys around Morgana and she’s like eh?? and he’s like yeah, druids call him Emrys and she remembers the prophecy but keeps her mouth shut bcs ‘wtf? My destiny?? lol no’

The Death Song of Uther Pendragon

Morgana does not join the pair even tho she was his ward bcs Uther was Uther ew

~ before blowing the horn ~

Arthur: “If something goes wrong, you can help, right?”

Merlin: “Maybe. But magic involving the dead isn’t something I typically deal with.”

~ during the crazy shite ~

Arthur: “Are you certain?”

Merlin: “What else could’ve escaped the horn but the person summoned by it?”

Arthur: “I refuse to believe that my father’s ghost somehow attacked a knight”

‘Poetry’ is still a thing bcs Arthur didn’t want to tarnish his father’s respect name but wtv

He spills the beans to his dad that he knows of Merlin’s magic and that if it wasn’t for him and Morgana, everyone would probably be dead so fuck off :D

Another’s Sorrow

Ealdgyð disguises herself as Hilda

Mithian and Merlin and Morgana flirt bcs they’re bi nightmares, or yk, bi-ghtmares

Plus more flirting between Merlin and Gwaine ft. panicked bi!Merlin

Morgana goes with Mithian and Arthur upon Merlin’s injury and fights Ealdgyð

Morgana: “3 of us and one of her, I like our chances”

Merlin: “But she’s growing stronger fast”

Mordred: “and so long as we keep studying and training, we’ll still be stronger”

Merlin teaches Mordred and Morgana physician stuff bcs bonding

The Disir

~ training montage ~

Arthur: “Next time try combining your sword skills with your magic”

Mordred: “but that’s not a fair fight-”

Arthur: “you’re a druid. Magic is the first tool you were born with and it’s our birthright to use it. Plus in a war, magic will help us”

Merlin still worries whether he’s too young to be out fighting with the rest of em

Arthur: “he’s a sorcerer - he has an inbuilt defence system regardless of whether he has his sword. He’ll be fine - and honestly, Merlin, you’re not his wetnurse or his mother.”

Merlin: “prat-”

Arthur: “what was that?”

Merlin: “I called you a prat, my lord”

Arthur: “I will not bow to the Triple Goddess for I do not follow her. But please, my friend is a sorcerer, a druid and a follower of the Old Religion. He is innocent. Spare him, please.”

Mordred is spared bcs they were impressed Arthur would risk their wrath but bcs he didn’t bow to them, his fate is still sealed

The Dark Tower

Ealdgyð kidnaps Gwen

Merlin, Mordred and Morgana do cooperative magic to try and find Gwen but to no avail

So they all go to the Dark Tower together f is for friends who do stuff together, u is you and me-

They use magic and swords to hack at the overgrowth but again, to no avail

He tells them all of Queen Mab and leads the way

Morgana saves the falling Merlin from impaling himself on the sword

~ psychological torture time ~

Ealdgyð: “My sweet child, you know Camelot is doomed if Arthur and Morgana are to rule. Arthur longs for the old ways and the security of his father while Morgana wants a magical revolution. They will tear the city apart in their wars and countless will die.”

Gwen: No, no, that’s wrong- you’re lying-”

Ealdgyð: “And yet you know I am right bcs if Arthur was not still waging his war against magic, I would be safely with my daughter but instead she is made parentless by the Pendragons and if Arthur is to continue having his way, my daughter will be made an orphan.”

Succumbs to Ealdgyð

Elyan still died unfortunately

A Lesson in Vengeance

Merlin uses magic subtly to save Arthur so Gwen doesn’t notice

The knights arrest Merlin for sorcery even tho they know he wouldn’t do it bcs who else could have

He still doesn’t tell Arthur about Gwen’s brainwashing bcs to accuse the Queen is a serious accusation

The Hollow Queen

Gaius tells Arthur the truth about Merlin going to save the young girl in the Valley of The Fallen Kings instead of the usual tavern business

(flashback) Sarrum took Kara hostage and forced Ealdgyð to comply for her sake and they were kept separately for the two years, only getting to see each other for mere moments

Merlin reveals to Daegal that Arthur knows of his magic and one day, magic will be commonplace in Camelot once more

Morgana agrees with Arthur that Merlin hasn’t got a girlfriend but Gwen teases her and asks if she’s jealous

Morgana: “of course not- in fact, I’m happy for him” but yk she’s lowkey jelly

With All My Heart

The Triple Goddess responds best to women so he (disguised as the Dolma (who is a pretty young lady might I add), not that it mattered bcs he’s is a he/she/they enby and I stand by that) and Morgana summoned the Triple Goddess (thank fuck that Morgana is Her High Priestess)

Morgana, Merlin, Mordred (having saved them mid-journey and then joined them), Aithusa and Arthur take Gwen to the Cauldron of Arianrhod

Mordred stays behind to try and cover their tracks, physically and magically, but is caught by Kara

Kara: “why do you stand behind someone who kills our people?”

Mordred: “Arthur has never killed any of us-”

Kara: “he stands by the law that put me and my mother through two years of hell! He is evil and if you cannot see that, you are not the Mordred I once knew and loved.”

Mordred: “Kara, please-”

Kara: “no-”

Mordred: “Kara, he knows! He knows about my gifts and he has not once even scorned for using them. The ban on magic is only up because we need to stop Ealdgyð from killing everyone-”

Kara: “why do you immediately forsake my mother? She is the only reason I am still alive, no thanks to you. The Pendragons are the reasons why we have been running for our lives our entire lives. And they are the reason why countless more children will never reach their truest potential and will never know who they truly are. Yet you still blame my mother who has done nothing but protect our people-!”

Mordred: “Your mother was going to kill everyone in Camelot just to spite Morgana! I still believe in the cause, Kara, but I do not believe in her and her ways!”

Kara: “We are druids and magic is our birthright!”

Mordred: “And druids are a peaceful people but Ealdgyð? She perverted our ways and has used the darkest magics, hurt countless people and all bcs she wants the throne. I will not join her so please, for the love of the Gods, don’t make me fight you Kara.”

Kara: “Tell us, tell me, who Emrys is and we won’t have to.”

Mordred: “Never.” *knocks her out w/ magic* “Forgive me, my love.”

The Kindness of Strangers

Ealdgyð thinks Alator a traitor for supporting the mighty Emrys who refuses to help their people in their time of need and so the torture begins

Merlin still doesn’t tell Arthur about the Alator-and-Finna-of-the-Catha situation bcs he’s busy yk and so tells Morgana and Mordred bcs it’s magic stuff so it’s their business too

He and Morgana go to find Finna

Merlin still attacked but Morgana stays with Finna and fights Ealdgyð and Finna is saved and on their side (bcs she is a Bendrui and they stand by Emrys, always)

The Drawing of the Dark

Mordred tells them it was Kara not some deer but still let her go

~ Later ~ 

Merlin: “why didn’t you stop her?”

Mordred: “how could I have?”

Morgana: “your magic is strong”

Mordred: “if you caught the love of your life after she killed someone, would you want to turn her in?”

Merlin: “you said it yourself, she killed someone”

Mordred: “she’s never wanted to hurt anyone. She only does this for her mother”

Morgana: “do you think she’d hurt her if she disobeyed?”

Mordred: “think about it this way: she practically raised me, called me her son in every way but blood and yet she now wants my head on a pike almost as much as she wants yours”

Arthur and Mordred patrol together (bcs they’re knights) w/ Merlin (bcs he’s Arthur’s) and find Kara and Mordred is shooketh at how bloodthirsty Kara has become

She is much confused when Merlin deflect the knife magically and he uses magic to bind her in front of them and no one bats an eye bcs she fr thought Mordred was bullshitting about Arthur being chill with it

She tries to kill Arthur again and does not take the chances he kept giving her for Mordred’s sake

Kara: “why do you continue trying to help me? You, who puts our kind through hell everyday.”

Arthur: “I want to make things better for all our peoples including you and yours but that cannot happen while your mother continues to attack, plague and kill our people, innocent people.”

Kara: “you’re lying - my mother would never hurt innocents”

Mordred: “we can show you”

Kara: “how?”

Mordred: “we were at the battle - you know the memory retrieval spell?”

Kara: “of course”

*le spell*

Kara: “that can’t be right- this must be some trick-”

Mordred: “Kara, look at me, look at me. You know me and you know I would never trick you like this. We did the spell together, out loud, and you can hear my thoughts so listen now. I did not trick you and we are not lying to you”

Kara: *crumples* “then the people I’ve hurt, the people I’ve killed-”

Arthur: “you were simply following orders, trying to make your parent proud; I know what that’s like. You are not to blame and you can save so many others if you only help us. Please.”

Kara: “to hear a king say please is a strange thing indeed.”

She comes back to the light

Magic squad is weirdly big considering the laws at this point but Camelot needs all the help they can get

Ealdgyð realises Merlin has magic bcs of the miraculous things that happen around Arthur and yk it’s too much to be just some coincidence plus she was keeping an eye on her daughter and saw Merlin deflect the knife and he is what keeps the magic squad together and she can only use the Gean Canach very few times bcs ‘tis rare

The Diamond of the Day 1

Merlin tells the knight squad and magic squad about his loss of powers and that he’s gonna go get them back somehow

Kara snitches that Eira is a spy for Ealdgyð and she gets dungeon time

Merlin, Gwaine and Finna go to the Valley of the Fallen Kings while Mordred, Kara and Morgana stay behind and protect Queen and kingdom

Ealdgyð knows Merlin will go the Crystal Cave to regain his powers

Gwaine stands guard at the cave mouth while Finna and Merlin go in but Finna has to stop and stay with Gwaine after a moment

Merlin: “this is a journey I must make on my own”

Gwaine: “could’ve told us that before we came out into the woods with you”

Merlin: “you’d have come with me anyways”

Gwaine: “yeah, you’re probably right”

Ealdgyð leaves after Gwaine sleeps with invisibility and silencing spells on to mask herself from Finna (who’s on watch at that point)

The Diamond of the Day 2

Merlin comes along looking like himself instead of Dragoon bcs there was no time to waste on disguises

The magic squad are beating Ealdgyð bcs yk there’s: Emrys, the High Priestess of the Triple Goddess, a Bendrui priestess and two highly skilled druids against Saesons

Merlin beats Ealdgyð and before she dies, Kara and Mordred get to say goodbye

Ealdgyð: “I’m sorry it came to this- all I ever wanted was a better life for you both and instead I dragged you into a war”

Kara: “we understand and we’re sorry too - we should’ve at least tried peace”

Ealdgyð: “that’s my fault”

Mordred: “and it’s our too. We could have insisted on it but we just blindly followed instead of talking to you”

Ealdgyð: “I’m so sorry my boy”

Kara: “rest easy, mother. Magic is returning to Camelot and we will be free once more”

Mordred: “goodbye Ealdgyð”

Post Battle-of-Camlann

Arthur (29) repeals the ban on magic

Kara (22) is formally pardoned bcs of her role in the Battle of Camlann bcs she saved Arthur’s life

Merlin (27) is Court Physician first and Court Sorcerer secondly after Gaius retires bcs mans is old af and Finna is Court Sorceress (and she still studies under him)

Alice returns and she and Gaius finally marry

1 year post Battle of Camlann

Arthur (30) and Gwen (28) have a daughter, Avlyn Pendragon, 1 year post-Battle-of-Camlann

Takes a year for Morgana (33) and Merlin (28) to finally get together and start courting

2 years post Battle of Camlann

Kara (23) and Mordred (22) marry

4 years post Battle of Camlann

Arthur (33) and Gwen (31) have a son, Cadwr Pendragon, 4 years post-Battle-of-Camlann (Avlyn (3))

Gwaine (33) and Percival (31) marry and we’re gonna pretend homophobia ain’t a thing bcs this is a comfort fic not a whump fic

Leon (37) starts courting Mithian (31) (idk y but they fit really well for some reason imo) and married after 6 months

5 years post Battle of Camlann

Merlin (32) and Morgana (37) marry and Hunith is very happy for them

Merlin (32) and Morgana (37) have twins, Morfydd and Ywaine

#my works #bullet fic #fix it fic #merlin #bbc merlin #arwen #mergana #kara x mordred #perwaine #leon x mithian #arthur pendragon #morgana le fay #morgana pendragon #bbc gwen #bbc mordred #sir percival #sir gwaine #sir leon #sir elyan #princess mithian #post canon #for a hot sec #merlin fanfic

[rosedavid]

Ooh ... Childhood toy for the Merthur prompt please

Thank you for the prompt!!! I got too carried away on this one so I posted it on AO3

Here’s the link

however, in case someone wants to read it on tumblr, I’ll post it here too :)

...

Merlin heaves up the final crateful of his stuff. He looks over the tiny, ramshackle room fondly, a smile gracing his lips. It’s strange seeing it completely bare again, just like the day he first arrived in Camelot. Things were so different back then. Merlin never would have expected to be where he is today in his wildest dreams, yet here he is moving into the King’s bedchambers not as a servant, but as a companion. Despite his happiness about officially moving in with Arthur, leaving his old room is bittersweet. So many memories were made in this little room, from trying to turn a stone dog into a real one to clumsily trying to hide his spell book when Arthur came rampaging in unannounced. With one last glance and a deep breath, Merlin closes the door for the last time.

Merlin runs into Gwen on his way to Arthur’s (or, he supposes, his and Arthur’s) chambers. She’s long been promoted as a key advisor to the King, a position well deserved. Her affections have been stolen by Lancelot once again, and the two have been courting for quite some time. It’s obvious to everyone how besotted they are for each other.

“Finished moving in yet?” Gwen asks.

“Last crate,” Merlin responds. “Shouldn’t you still be in the council meeting?”

“Shouldn’t you?”

Technically, Merlin is supposed to be at the meeting. As Court Sorcerer, attending all meetings and royal functions is in his job descriptions. However, he skives off enough so that when a meeting is particularly boring, Arthur doesn’t even nag him into going realizing it’s a futile effort. Not to mention, today’s meeting was supposed to be especially dull. Arthur constantly reprimands him about his complaints, saying that “All meetings are equally important to the King.” Of course, they both know that’s not true, especially when Arthur continuously sends looks at Merlin throughout the meeting.

“Well, you know me,” Merlin shrugs. “But I actually have permission from the Royal Prat today. I’ve been so busy recently with these new magic laws that I’ve hardly had time for a break, let alone to move all my things into Arthur’s chambers.”

“Are you nervous?”

A few months ago, Merlin may have said yes. Despite him and Arthur being as close as they were for so long, a romantic relationship brought with it a lot more awkwardness and learning than either of them expected. It took some trial and error before they got back into a rhythm again and felt completely comfortable around each other. Now, though, Merlin can safely say that he’s not nervous about moving in with Arthur officially. It just feels…right.

“No, I’m not,” Merlin replies. “Although, I’m not looking forward to Arthur’s inevitable complaints about my stuff sharing his space.”

Gwen stifles a laugh. “He’ll get used to it, but he’ll never stop complaining.”

“Exactly. But you still haven’t answered my question. Did you leave because the council meeting is over?”

“Just about. I made an excuse of having a headache, which was about to be true if I stayed in there for any longer.”

“I bet Lancelot tried to carry you down to Gaius himself,” Merlin teases.

“I had to swear to him that I would go straight there multiple times before he let me out of his sight.”

They laugh together. Merlin adjusts his grip on the crate as it begins to slip out of his arms.

“Oh! I’m sorry. I totally forgot that you were still carrying that.”

“I’m strong Gwen, remember?” Merlin jokes. “Don’t worry about it. I always like talking to you. We need to catch up soon.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

They part ways. Merlin finishes his trek, a trek that he’s taken so many times before. Still, this time feels different. This time, he’s entering his room as well. He doesn’t have to worry about knocking or barging in unexpectedly (not that he ever worried about that before). Merlin kicks open the door with his foot, nodding at the guard that’s stationed outside.

He drops the crate with a thud next to the bed and looks around. Arthur’s chambers don’t look much different even with Merlin moved in. Merlin never had much stuff to begin with. In fact, most of his things came from Arthur eventually. A new wardrobe, nicer blankets and pillows, and even a magic book he came across while traveling. Still, his stuff is nothing compared to the grandeur of Arthur’s possessions. Of course, it doesn’t bother Merlin. He has everything he needs as long as they’re together.

Merlin finishes unpacking the crate, storing some books away and folding some cloaks. Then, suddenly, that’s it; he’s all moved in. He lives with Arthur. He gets to go to sleep and wake up every morning at Arthur’s side. They can eat breakfast together without Merlin having to walk across the castle and meet him every morning.

The door opens behind him. He turns and sees Arthur dressed regally, cape flowing behind him. He looks brave and fearless and powerful, as any King should. When he looks at Merlin, though, his expression melts into one of softness and adoration.

“Is that the last of it?” Arthur asks.

“Yup. I’m officially moved in! You’re stuck with me,” Merlin says, poking his side.

“Hmm,” Arthur contemplates. “Are you sure it’s too late?”

“Too late.”

“Well, then, I guess I’ll just have to make the most of it.”

With that, Arthur swoops in and kisses Merlin. A gloved hand cups Merlin’s face, while Arthur’s other hand sneaks down to the dip in his spine, tracing over it. Merlin’s hands fly up to Arthur’s hair, knotting his fingers in the tresses. Arthur’s mouth tastes like the watered down wine the castle staff serves during most meetings. Soon, Arthur starts backing Merlin toward the bed, and Merlin giggles when the back of his knees hit the frame. Arthur starts trailing kisses down his neck, just about to push Merlin down onto the bed when he suddenly stops, staring at something behind Merlin.

“Arthur? What’s wrong?”

“What is that thing?” Arthur asks incredulously, pointing toward their bed.  Merlin cranes his neck behind him to see what Arthur is pointing at.

It’s Merlin’s stuffed bear. Beary, to be precise. Merlin has had him since he was a baby. According to his mum, the stuffed bear was always Merlin’s favorite toy. He remembers toting it around with him everywhere, especially before he met Will. It was a comfort object, something to keep him company when he felt most lonely. It helped him through a lot of dark times. Many nights, he remembers crying himself to sleep after being constantly rejected by the rest of the village. He would hold the bear tight to his chest all night long, refusing to let go. Now, it’s more of a comfort just to have it near. He brought it to Camelot with hardly any hesitation, as it was something familiar in a completely new place. He’s never thought to get rid of it, despite it being completely worn down and falling apart He’s had to resew Beary numerous times, yet the stuffing inside of him always seems to come out, and the button eyes always seem to be missing.

“That’s Beary, my childhood toy,” Merlin says simply.

“And why pray tell is it on our bed?”

“He is on our bed because he that’s where he belongs.”

Arthur stares at him. “You’re kidding, right? Why do you even have that thing, anyway?”

“He was my favorite toy when I was a child, Arthur,” Merlin explains, picking Beary up gently. “He always brought me comfort when I most needed it. I don’t know if you knew this, but I didn’t really have friends growing up besides Will. I was pretty much ostracized from the rest of the village. I guess you could say he was a friend of sorts.”

“And you brought him to Camelot.”

Merlin shrugs. “He still brings me comfort, when I look of him, and he reminds me of Ealdor and my mum. Plenty of people still have their childhood toys.”

“Girls, maybe.”

“Hey! Toys are for everyone. Didn’t you have a favorite toy when you were little?”

Merlin sits down on the bed and puts his bear back in the center against the pillows. Arthur sits down next to Merlin, so close that their shoulders and thighs touch.

“I did have a toy sword,” Arthur muses. “Father wanted me to start training to be a knight as early as possible.”

Merlin’s eyebrow furrows. “You didn’t have any stuffed animals? Or blocks? Or puppets?”

“I had books on Camelot and royal etiquette.”

Suddenly, Merlin feels a bit guilty. Although he knows Arthur’s life has been anything but easy, oftentimes he forgets some of the struggles he’s had to deal with. Merlin’s childhood was nothing to boast about, but he was relatively happy. He had his mother by his side, a loving and caring figure. He had his needs taken care of, as well as they could be for a peasant. He eventually came to have Will, his best friend. Back then, Merlin knew nothing about his destiny. Arthur, on the other hand, has known about his destiny to become King since the day he was born. And Uther was anything but a sweet, loving father. Arthur has told him stories before about leading raids as a teenager, killing while he himself was still a boy. Yet somehow, Merlin never considered that he didn’t ever have a childhood even though it makes sense.

“Well, since you’re sharing your chambers with me, I can share Beary,” Merlin offers with a grin.

“I’ll pass,” Arthur says dryly.

“Come on! He’ll be your beary best friend!”

“You’re ridiculous,” Arthur laughs.

“I’m sorry, Arthur, but Beary and I are a package deal. You can’t have one without the other.”

Arthur suddenly tackles Merlin against the bed, playfighting with him as they laugh. It doesn’t take long for them to eventually tire, though, leaving Arthur to collapse beside Merlin as they lean up against the pillows.

“I think the bear is more appealing at this point,” Arthur jokes.

Merlin mock frowns, reaching over Arthur to pick Beary back up. He nuzzles the bear’s face against Arthur’s neck, pouting at Arthur’s previous expression.

“Well I think you’re unbearable,” Merlin huffs, unable to keep a straight face for long. Arthur snorts, grinning with him.

Beary is then taken carefully from his hands and brought under Arthur’s scrutinizing gaze. “Why in the world would you name him Beary? That’s the worst possible name I could think of!”

“I can think of one worse name.”

“You’re just so funny, Merlin.”

Arthur then takes the bear in his hands and places it face down on his nightstand. He pulls Merlin’s body flush against his own. Thankfully, Arthur has forgone his armor for the afternoon, making it much more comfortable.

“Why did you do that?” Merlin asks, referring to his bear.

“Because I don’t want him to see this next part,” Arthur grins, causing Merlin to blush. He joins lips with Merlin again breathily, but Merlin pulls back before they can do much else.

“Does that mean Beary can stay?” Merlin asks smugly.

Arthur rolls his eyes, but it’s followed with a smile.

#merthur #merthur fanfic #merlin #bbc merlin #merthur fanfiction #fanfiction #merlin bbc #fluff

[panharmonium]

why are you being like this?

people i’ve met - they’re not like you.  they don’t care.  i don’t matter.

don’t ever think that.  we all matter.

just some meandering thoughts on where the thematic center of merlin bbc lies for me, and how it weaves itself in and out of my fandom experience.

under a cut because this is a) sort of long and b) not really directed anywhere but my own brain, as i keep thinking about and creating for this show.

[as always, before i get rolling, a reminder: when i write about how i engage with this show, it’s just me talking about what gives me, personally, the most satisfaction or enjoyment, not the way i think everybody should do things.  if this isn’t your particular read, please feel free to scroll past.  i am not ever going to bother anybody for engaging with this show in their own way, so please don’t worry about it if we are not on the same page.]

that post about kilgharrah really got me feeling things.  

i struggle a lot with the sort of...non-nuanced ‘fuck kilgharrah/fuck gaius/fuck arthur/fuck whoever’ mode of engagement that i sometimes run across in fandom.  (and i’m not saying there’s anything intrinsically wrong with it; if you have the most fun engaging with the show in that way, please continue to have fun.  i’m just writing, on my own blog and in my own space, about what i personally do or don’t find compelling.)

i struggle with this mode for the same reason that i struggle with the whole ‘fuck yoda!’ narrative that pops up sometimes in tumblr’s star wars fandom.  because it’s not the narrative that the story is actually trying to create, and though this fact doesn’t mean you can’t twist things that way if it gives you more enjoyment, for me, there’s nothing about it that feels good.

writing fictional characters off like this, when the narrative is clearly not asking us to do so, feels...frustratingly false, and externally-imposed, as if characters are being evaluated based on the exacting standards of a universe in which they never lived, in a context where they were never intended to exist.  doing so requires you to willfully ignore what the story is actually trying to say, and it’s fine to go ahead and do that if you want, but for me it strips away so much of what makes the story meaningful.

bbc merlin’s core plotline is about believing in someone’s better nature.  the central storyline is that merlin commits himself to someone who doesn’t always give merlin reason to believe that this commitment is worth it, and yet still there’s always this hope and faith and belief that one day arthur will make it right.  

and this is presented as a worthy choice.  are there problems with it?  of course.  the show knows that, and it gives us places to think about that.  but even with this being the case, the ultimate message of the show is still never that this commitment was useless, worthless, or foolish.  the message of the show is that under the right conditions, people grow.  this show says that when we are given deep love, care, and companionship, we can change for the better.  it says that people, under the right conditions, can learn how to be better than they were before, and that everyone deserves the opportunity to grow into the person they were meant to be.

bbc merlin is not asking us to cancel any of its characters, ever.  that is never the show’s intention.  i won’t try to stop anybody from doing that, if that’s how they have more fun watching the show, but i am still going to contemplate, in my own space, how small that makes the story feel for me.

sometimes i see things like ...‘morgana/gwen/whoever is the only valid character in merlin bbc,’ and i just...first of all, neither of them are perfect, okay, and second of all, it doesn’t MATTER, because that has never been the point of the story.  this story is not asking us to rank characters on a scale of how righteous/unproblematic we think they are.  it’s asking us to CARE about the characters - ALL of the characters - and to root for them (yes, ALL of them), in the fullness of their imperfection.

when i explore the wider fandom, i typically bump up against one of two mindsets.  there’s the shipping mindset, where everybody loves arthur and he’s helplessly in love with merlin.  but i don’t want that mindset (because i don’t ship that pairing), so i look elsewhere.  but the other mindset is an attitude that dislikes arthur, full stop.  and i don’t want that either!

this ‘either/or’ divide is the opposite of what bbc merlin is asking us to do with its characters.  i criticize arthur all the time, but i still don’t think the story is asking me to reject him.  and i don’t WANT to reject him, either - why would i even watch this show, if i didn’t think it was important to see him become who he was meant to be, if i weren’t invested in his growth, if i didn’t ultimately believe in his possibility?  if i didn’t think the show was asking me to root for him - not uncritically, of course; the show is never asking me to do that - but with the core understanding that arthur is somebody worth caring about?

the same goes for morgana.  the show never asks us to write her off.  up until the very end, the show wants us to care about her.  the show wants us to root for her.  the show never asks us to forget that she and the other characters used to love each other; it never tells us to stop wanting morgana to get what she needs.  

gaius, too - the show never wants us to kick him to the curb.  it knows he’s not perfect.  he knows he’s not perfect.  he tells merlin, when talking about his own life, “there has, for the most part, been very little purpose to it.”  but the show doesn’t want us to fixate solely on his failures, or to dump him for his more cowardly moments.  the show wants us to know that he still has value.  it wants us to know that he is doing more good in the world now than he did before, which is all we can ask of a person, in the end.  it wants us to know that he cares, and that he is trying.

and kilgharrah - the show is never asking us to hate him, either!  yes, i get that it’s funny to joke about how “unhelpful” he is; i think that stuff is funny, too - but i also think it matters to understand that in canon, in the show, we are not meant to read kilgharrah as a malevolent figure.  we are not supposed to read him as a villain.  we are supposed to care about him.  we are supposed to understand that he, too, is working, ultimately, for the triumph of Good.  even though his version of this may feel convoluted to us, because kilgharrah isn’t human and can’t possibly be evaluated by human standards, we are supposed to understand that he, too, is trying.  we are supposed to be moved when merlin asks him, “what will i do without you?”

we are supposed to care about all of them.  we are supposed to find all of them worthy.  we are not supposed to evaluate them (and then discard them) according to inflexible, merciless, decontextualized standards imported from a non-merlin-bbc world.

and this doesn’t mean people aren’t still allowed to do that, if it’s fun for them, but for me, analyzing this show outside of its context doesn’t bring me any satisfaction.  we can go ahead and say things like ‘arthur should get his head chopped off’ and like, okay, that’s funny as a joke.  but as an actual analysis of the show - as a sincere interpretation of the story - it fails.  it’s devoid of all context.  we aren’t supposed to be evaluating this story from the perspective of ‘let’s overthrow the monarchy, kings should die, etc etc.’  the context of merlin bbc is that albion is waiting for a righteous monarch, and that this is a desirable, acceptable, correct thing, in the context of that world.  we are supposed to understand that arthur IS the once and future king, and that this IS a good thing, in this universe, and that the journey we are on here is one where he becomes worthy of his seat on the throne and then ushers in a time of peace and justice for all of albion’s people.

(and as i’ve said before - this is why the merlin bbc finale is so stunningly bad.  it’s not that the show subverts our expectations, it’s that it annihilates its own story, which it has been consistently telling for sixty-three episodes.)

that aside, though - this same overlooking of contextual nuance is the reason why i don’t connect to takes that consider ‘oh no, merlin kills people!’ to be evidence that he’s “changed,” “gone dark,” or “lost his soul.”  merlin does go through a dramatic (and tragic) change by the time we hit season 5, but what happens to him has nothing to do with the fact that he’s killed people.  the context of this show isn’t one where killing is a universal evil.  killing in battle or for the purpose of self-defense is not a morally problematic choice, in this world.  merlin, like everyone else in this show’s context, understands this, and killing a group of enemy soldiers to protect his own life is not something the show intends for us to interpret as an erosion of his humanity. 

what IS framed as an evil act, in the context of merlin bbc, is when someone chooses to kill despite the fact that mercy is an option.  if arthur had killed odin when he could have instead made peace with him, if arthur had executed annis’s champion or vivian’s father when he had already defeated them in single combat, if merlin had killed kilgharrah whilst having absolute power over him - those are morally bankrupt choices, in merlin bbc’s context.

we’re not supposed to see things like merlin killing agravaine as evil decisions.  in the context of the show’s world, killing agravaine is a necessary, morally uncomplicated act.  it isn’t something merlin wants to do, certainly, and he tries to avoid it, and he doesn’t strike back until agravaine tries to kill him first, but ultimately this moment is not supposed to be illustrative of merlin turning down a dark path.  it’s grim, sure, but in the context of the show - in the context of the era - it’s nothing more than the justified wages of aggression.  agravaine brings this fate down upon his own head.  merlin is not a pacifist, and neither he nor anyone else would expect himself to just stand there and let a group of enemy soldiers murder him when he could instead kill the soldiers and get away.  that’s nonsensical and utterly decontextualized.  it’s not an expectation that anyone in-story would have, nor a standard that merlin (or anyone else) would hold himself to.

all that aside, though -

the issue, for me, in summary, is just that i think sometimes we...evaluate this show in ways that it really isn’t meant to be interpreted, without considering the story’s context or thinking about what the story’s actual intent is.  and i think that these decontextualized interpretations are often less generous than what the show is actually trying to say to us, and that sometimes we write characters off when the show absolutely is not asking us to do that.  

and of course, nobody has to listen to what the show is trying to say if they don’t want to.  if it brings someone more enjoyment to pick one character to stan and say ‘the rest of these characters are Bad People and i’m not interested in them,’ then that’s fine!  whatever floats your boat.  

it just doesn’t float mine.

the point of this show, for me, is that everybody deserves a chance.  the point of this show is exactly what merlin says to daegal in the woods, even as daegal is leading merlin into a trap: we all matter.  the theme at the heart of this story is that it is possible to love someone who doesn’t deserve it, and that this can be a worthy choice, a transformative choice, a powerful choice - not necessarily a perfect choice, or even the right choice, maybe, for the person making it, but still a choice that holds value, a choice that creates something good in this world, even at cost.

listen to me, clotpole.  i don't care if you die, there are plenty of other princes.  you're not the only pompous, supercilious, condescending, royal imbecile i could work for; the world is full of them.  but I'm going to give you one more chance.

should merlin have done that?

we can debate that forever.  i am critical enough of arthur pendragon myself, when it comes to merlin’s well-being, and i could easily argue that no, merlin shouldn’t have given arthur as many chances as he did; he shouldn’t have stuck around; he shouldn’t have offered so much of his life to someone who continued to make arthur’s kind of mistakes.

but i think it matters to remember that in canon, thematically, the story’s answer to this question is yes.  mercy, in this story, is the most noble gift a person can bestow on someone else, and i think we are asked to bestow this same kind of mercy on the show’s characters, heroes and villains alike.  we aren’t ever told, in this show, that some of these characters “weren’t good enough” to deserve their chances.  we are told that in this world, compassion is always worthwhile.  love is never wasteful.  it is never foolish to care for people, even and especially when they aren’t yet their best selves.  giving someone a chance does matter.  choosing to care does make a difference, in the end.  

people don’t have to import these themes into their own personal analysis, by any means.  but i am still committed to remembering, in my own work, in my own space, that when we raise the question “was it worth it” in reference to whether these characters truly deserved to be loved, or trusted, or given a chance to grow - the story’s answer is unequivocally yes.

#the once and future slowburn #meta #i don't know what this even IS #i'm just feeling so emotional about this show right now #i love it so much #and i can't love it piecemeal #i can't #i has to be everything #or the message doesn't hold #the show doesn't want us to pick our faves and toss out everybody who doesn't measure up #it wants us to listen when merlin says 'we all matter.'

[shana-rosee]

Hi. Elaborating further on big brother Leon because I can't get it out of my head.

Imagine Arthur going to Leon when he's older and needs help with something that yknow typically a dad or parental figure would help with (but Uther's not really that kinda parent), but like he doesn't want to admit he needs help or doesn't know something... So he like tries to be really sneaky with it, tries to wiggle the information or advice out of Leon without actually asking for it because he's too prideful or embarrassed (but he'd not admit that because Prince's don't get embarrassed! No!)

And Leon, catches on quicker and quicker the more times it happens, until suddenly one day when he's King, Arthur’s trying to use his not-so-sneaky method to get some advice on romance or get some much needed information on how something works (because sure he had nannies and minders but he was really only taught what was totally necessary and Uther would never have a talk like that with Arthur because 'he doesn't need to know yet'), and he knows Leon knows because he's heard Gwaine successfully trick Leon into telling him about his past relationships and affairs after getting him a little too drunk after a particularly stressful week.

Arthur was shocked to learn Leon had been with both women AND men, but he'd never been more grateful to know about the experiences of someone close to him, because this meant he didn't have to try and trick some real, useful, helpful advice from Gwaine.

But back to Leon.

Leon realizes rather quickly what Arthur’s trying to get out of him, and y'know while normally he would let Arthur think he had succeeded in not letting onto the fact that he was angling for advice & help, a small surge of protectiveness for the Royal friend he cared so deeply about urges Leon to say fuck it to propriety for once in his life.

So, he sits a thoroughly mortified Arthur down and after explaining everything Arthur needed to know, and giving him a bunch of advice on wooing/courting Merlin (because "who else would you be talking about, Arthur? You forget how long I've known you, I can see how you look at him." *Arthur is very petulant about this, claiming there's no way he's been so obvious, it's then Leon tells him about the bet Gwaine's been running*), he doesn't let Arthur bolt out of there like he clearly wanted to. Instead, he takes Arthur's hands and tells him:

"I know you never like to ask for help, but sometimes, on occasion, there are things we can't do alone, or things we don't know. I don't know everything in this world, and I am not a master of all trades, but when you find yourself needing help, advice, or just a lesson you've been denied in adolescence, remember this. There is myself, there is Merlin, and there is even Gaius—though, I understand your hesitancy to speak with him of such things," he tells him, "never feel ashamed of needing to ask for something. And never feel you have to trick the advice out of the people who care about you. I, and Merlin, and all the knights, will never laugh at you for anything you ask."

Or something like that. And Arthur just kind of sits there, stunned, as Leon finally bows his head, wishes him best of luck in his endeavors with courting Merlin, and dismisses himself from Arthur's chambers, where the discussion had taken place.

And that's when Arthur realizes, even if he's not always had a Father, he's never not had a brother.

The feels are real my friend 😭

#asks #Leon #big brother Leon feels

[thegeminisage]

i have deep and conflicting thots about the gilli episode (3.11)

they’re long (they’re LONG!!!) so here’s a cut. you’re welcome

good things:

this is the ANTITHESIS to everything i was complaining about last night. this is what i was CRAVING. this show did me so good (and yet, so bad - more on that in a sec)

there was a touch of outside pov here (my weakness) since we got to see who merlin was from gilli’s point of view

and when i say we got to see who merlin was i mean we really for real got to SEE WHO HE WAS oh babey

something gilli said in this episode was that merlin has been pretending so long he forgot who he was and i think similarly he pretends so well that we the audience (me anyway) also kind of forget who he is because we see it SO rarely

but we saw it here! in this episode merlin was SMART?? those aren’t two words i’d normally use in the same sentence without sticking a “is not” between them but he WAS - he cottoned on right away that gilli was using magic, he confronted him immediately and in a way that didn’t invoke hostility (and what a nice little flip, what a TREAT to see someone else freaking out and covering their ass while merlin is keeping his cool), (some of) his normal little jabs at arthur were a tad wryer/slyer on the delivery, and he figured out, ON HIS OWN, how to save both gilli and uther, and used his magic in front of ALL THOSE PEOPLE without getting caught

and speaking of that, merlin being like “he’s braver than me, using magic in front of all those people” and gaisu going “brave or stupid” like... ok, at first my reaction was: come on, merlin uses magic in front of people ALL THE TIME...but when i think about it, my very own self was complaining just yesterday that he was keeping his shit buttoned up way too tightly. and i did notice merlin himself waiting until backs were turned more often, incantating aloud less often...he ACTUALLY HAS gotten less stupid, JUST a smidgen. i didn’t even realize

merlin seemed more grown-up and serious in this episode than he has in the entire series. maybe it’s the fact that he had someone younger and dumber to play off of (and i don’t think gilli was a strong enough character to carry an episode, but maybe it was enough to give us an excuse to develop merlin so much) but he did in fact seem WISE, and he seemed TIRED, which is a thing grownups usually are... the way he talked to the other characters seemed different too - he spoke to the dragon as an equal (last dragon & last dragonlord), not as some dumbass in over his head asking for help (very nice also that he didn’t go to gaius for advice but someone more on “his level”). he gave arthur clear and frank advice on how to go about fighting his dad, he STUCK UP FOR GILLI AGAINST GAIUS (backbone! compassion!) and then STUCK UP FOR HIMSELF against gilli!!!!!

(i like a slightly more serious merlin because while quirky dumbass country hick merlin IS charming and endearing that charm can only carry him so far without more meat involved, especially after some of the terrible things we’ve seen him suffer through and all the experiences he’s had to grow and change)

i have mixed feelings about merlin showing his magic to this particular person at this particular time, but i do also like that he was willing to open up about WHO HE IS if it could potentially save a life. that shows backbone. and it shows integrity. two things i was sorely missing from merlin before now

speaking of merlin’s integrity, we finally got to cover why he keeps saving uther, who he should hate and despise and want dead, which i have been DYING for

merlin and gilli have a sort of professor x/magneto stance about uther, by which i mean one of them argues that they should change things from within the system to court goodwill and avoid violence because acting violently would just make their detractors’ point for them, and the other argues that the system should be destroyed entirely through any means necessary because violence is the only language the oppressor understands

on a rewatch what really stands out to me is merlin chastising gilli at the end by saying “you’re better than that.” it makes me think of season 1 when merlin had the chance to let morgana’s allies assassinate uther and he asks gwen what he should do - gwen, who also has every reason to hate and despise uther, tells merlin that to allow him to die through inaction would be just as bad as murdering him directly, and that that would make merlin as bad uther is

i don’t want to give the people who fucked morgana over so thoroughly too much credit but it makes me wonder if that wasn’t when merlin decided that he was going to be the bigger man

he says it himself in this episode, near tears - it is LONELY, being what he is, and doing what he does. he could kill a man with a thought and he spends all his time mucking stables and polishing armor and when he gets a break from that it’s to save someone’s life without endangering his own. it is dangerous, tireless work for which he believes he will NEVER get any thanks. and what i was so frustrated about before was not understanding WHY - did he care THAT much about arthur’s feelings, that he couldn’t stand to watch arthur lose a father? was he just THAT afraid of uther and what uther would do to him if he found out?

but i get it now - it’s because he CHOOSES to. not to protect arthur or to protect himself but because he wholly believes that he’s playing the long game and he’s on the correct path to seeing a future where what he is is no longer outlawed - god, his FACE when he says “when that day arrives, we WILL be free” 

again not to overcredit the writers bc i DON’T think they were smart enough to do this on purpose but like in my heart he decided all the way back in season 1 that he wasn’t going to take the easy way out and just let uther die because THAT’S NOT WHAT MAGIC IS FOR. he’s stronger than everyone else around him and HE CHOOSES to keep his head down and wait it out because in his OWN WORDS “magic is not meant to bring you glory.” even gilli agrees - when used for personal gain, it is very easy for the power of the magic to corrupt. i thought merlin was weak, to have saved uther’s life so many times - but to resist that kind of temptation and corruption over and over, he’s actually the opposite. he doesn’t try so hard to protect the monarchy because he lacks self-respect or integrity, he protects the monarchy BECAUSE OF his self-respect and integrity. all along, he’s been fighting for a better future too - just in his way, not the way gilli or morgana would

and speaking of morgana...here’s the bad:

i. am. LIVID!!!!!

that merlin would tell this boy he BARELY KNOWS his secret in order to maybe possibly save this kid’s life and NOT TELL MORGANA in her worst hour of need when she most needed a friend

merlin got a whole lot more respect from me today but the fact remains that he’s a LYING LIAR WHO LIES and he has tried to kill morgana two and a half times (the poison, the bump on the head, knocking her off her horse) and as of the end of season 3 also MURDERED HER SISTER THAT IS APPARENTLY ALSO LOWKEY HER GIRLFRIEND (i know)

which really clashes with his whole deal that i just described above, of using his magic for good and not evil purposes, for trying to win over hearts instead of win battles. and it’s funny that it’s ONLY morgana that merlin acts out of character for...i think it’s because! and this is a crazy concept! the writers hate morgana!

morgana in season 1 and most of season 2 was a kind and loving person. she was a true ally to gwen and often used her status as the king’s ward to stand up for gwen when gwen was in trouble. the first time she tried to have uther killed it was because of what happened to gwen’s father. she was more than capable of feeling love and knowing right from wrong and doing what she believed was right at any cost as evidenced by her helping to sneak the little druid kid out of the castle at risk to herself

morgana in season 3 does nothing but smirk evilly. and while it’s a good look on her and she’s MORE than valid in wanting to fuck up merlin and uther and maybe even arthur too from a certain viewpoint her aggression against gwen is ENTIRELY unwarranted

even trying my BEST to be sympathetic towards her and remember what she’s gone through and that her bad characterization is the fault of the writers and not morgana herself it is VERY hard not to hate her when you see her delighting in gwen’s misery and watching her PANIC about gwen’s future as the queen was FAR more satisfying than it should have been because i was then delighting in MORGANA’S misery and that is NOT a feeling im comfy with

in fact! im furious! the fact that this gilli kid got a more sympathetic portrayal than morgana ever will makes me SEE RED!!! imagine if the professor x/magneto vibe had been played out with merlin and morgana throughout the entirety of season 3! imagine morgana still had feelings other than ~edgy evulz~ and kept trying to kill uther BECAUSE SHE BELIEVED IT WAS RIGHT but had no quarrel with people like gwen who had always loved her! imagine her being conflicted when there was every chance that gwen would die during the takeover! imagine how her feelings could have become even more complicated when she found out she had living family - a father and brother, one of whom she is plotting to kill! imagine her NOT wanting harm to come to gwen or arthur and trying to persuade them to her side with good yet flawed arguments! imagine uther having to face the fact that the daughter he dotes on is also the thing he hates! people talk about arthur’s conflict if he realizes merlin is magic, but he’s known merlin a lot less time than he’s known morgana and merlin’s not his sister, imagine arthur had to deal with that conflict of interests! we could have HAD IT ALL in season 3 and instead season 3 MOSTLY SUCKS

what if morgana had remembered how fucked up arthur was about learning about the true circumstances of his birth? what if she had persuaded him that uther’s stance against magic was wrong? what if she knew merlin had magic but she hated him so she blackmailed him with it? he could have told her and then spent the ENTIRETY of season 3 shitting himself about it and it would have TOTALLY JUSTIFIED how shifty he got later after gaius taught him how to lie.what if he had SEEN what choosing to hurt other people had wrought in morgana and truly felt remorse and it informed his character for the rest of the show and that’s why he’s always choosing the moral high ground! there were SO MANY possibilities that could have opened up by having morgana be even just a little bit 3-dimensional!!!

which brings me to my next complaint: as good as this episode was, as much as i loved it, as glad as i am to finally understand merlin or at the very least have an interpretation of him i’m happy with, i should not have had to wait ALL SEASON to get there. i know what kind of show this is but they could have slipped some of this stuff in WAY EARLIER so i didn’t have to spent the entirety of season 3 and quite a lot of season 2 thinking merlin was just some spineless fuckup

also i will say it again, gilli was NOT strong enough to have carried this episode. the work on merlin’s character was INCREDIBLE and it was fun enough to see gilli mirror who he was in early season 1 but imagine how much better it could have been if he’d gotten to play off of someone like morgana - gilli’s a one-off character, and he has to tell us about his history and struggles, but morgana’s struggle is something we’ve witnessed firsthand. when she makes her own arguments about how hard it is to be magic under uther’s rule it comes from a place of deep pain that could have and should have resonated with merlin just as deeply as gilli’s.

morgana works MUCH better as a foil to merlin because all the way back in season 1 when they were both angry on gwen’s behalf and both wanted uther to pay for what he’d done so that no more innocent people would die it was MORGANA who chose the magneto route and merlin who decided to go professor x. they had the potential to make something REALLY COOL out of that AND THEY DIDN’T and what makes me so mad about this episode is that the sheer CONCEPT of this was good enough to have carried the entire season and yet they crammed it into a single 45-minute block

here end my thots i guess, in conclusion morgana deserved better

#personal #merlin blogging #liz's meta #liz's merlin stuff #despite my very big problems with how this was executed #i did love it quite a bit #very good timing that just last night i was complaining about merlin the character #that i didn't see enough meat to him #and then today i am given THIS #watching merlin live must have been like torture #but i've finally got my angle to him #maybe it's not the correct one or the one most people would prefer #but it's the one i like & can get behind #that speech at the end... #his very own mini-2.08 moment #i don't expect any character consistency or anything i don't expect it to hold #but still. #liz makes stuff

[tlcyellow]

merlin s2 ep10 sweet dreams

holy shit guys it’s been a while. things have been crazy with me. if you want details you could always follow me on twitter and instagram (@tlcyellow) (plug plug plug). the short version is, i finished up my third semester of school, moved to a new apartment, had a two week break where i went home and many adventures, and now i’m back in nyc and starting my fourth semester tomorrow. i want to give a shoutout to my mutual bearwithoutpaws for messaging me and saying they enjoyed my merlin posts and wanted them back. i really appreciate your support and i’m sorry i’ve been away so long!! ALSO some of my posts are missing??????? a lot of my season 2 posts have mysteriously disappeared from my blog? i didn’t delete them and i don’t know where they are lmao. it is a true mystery. if anyone has any ideas on how to recover them please let me know. okay with that ridiculously long intro out of the way, lets get back into it (if i remember how to do this)

- damn bradley james is fine. how could i have ever left him

- they are having some sort of peace conference thing in camelot and there’s this grumpy ass dude whose trying to end the peace talks and he’s going to use lady vivian (a woman we’ve never seen before) as part of his plan. she’s super pretty and arthur helped her off her horse so they’re probably gonna do it by the end of the episode

- okay jk vivian is a spoiled ass bitch and i hate her

- vivian’s dad’s name is olaf. like the snowman. frozen has ruined that name forever.

- arthur is now trying to pretend to merlin that he doesn’t have the hots for gwen which is weird because he only really knows two women and one of them is basically his sister so his options for love are limited

- katie mcgrath???? the queen of my heart 

-  okay so the evil man’s plan is to make arthur fall in love with vivian through magic. hasn’t this exact thing happened to arthur already?? have they run out of ideas already?

- arthur and merlin are trying to woo vivian and they’re like “um?? feelings??? girls??? i know not the name” and it’s like, we get it, yall are too gay to figure out what to do with women

- ohNO WAIT there has been a classic sitcom-style misunderstanding. arthur is enchanted and talking to merlin about wooing vivian but they don’t mention names so merlin thinks he’s talking about gwen so he brings flowers and a love note to gwen instead of vivian. yikes

- oh my god arthur knocks on vivians door and she’s like “whos there?” and hes like “its destiny my love!!!” which is cringe-y enough and then he looks at what he has in his hands and says “its destiny and chicken”. even under the influence of literal magic arthur doesn’t know how to talk to women

- okay so vivian rejects arthur because shes a brat and the evil man is like “i don’t get it!!! everyone in the world is attracted to this boy. i’m almost attracted to him myself” and then he like has a small orgasm and his jester has no clue what to do 

- arthur is full of melancholy and hes leaning his head on his horse in the most dramatic and emo fashion 

- vivian has now been enchanted to fall in love with arthur and she has come to his bedroom and is sniffing his pillows and rolling around in his bed like a crazy person 

- the jester has told vivians snowman dad that vivian is in arthurs bedroom but merlin has her unconscious and hidden in a closet. so olaf comes in all pissed and is like “I HEARD VIVIANS IN HERE” and arthurs like “damn i wish. shes fine as hell!!!” (im paraphrasing) which is not a thing you say to any girl’s father ever. 

-  gwen is now sending a love note to arthur which is super awkward since he’s still enchanted and in love with vivian and im afraid she’s going to get her heart broken :(

- OHNO SHE DIDN’T SIGN HER NAME SO ARTHUR THINKS ITS VIVIAN. this is a mess

- arthur has crawled up into vivians window and gwen is waiting in her house and arthur isnt coming ahhh this is so sad

- ohboy olaf walked in on vivian and arthur making out and olaf has challenged arthur to combat and gwen is brokenhearted

- DAMN MORGANA ALWAYS LOOKS SO GOOD

- okay so arthur is all enchanted and olaf breaks one of his ribs and arthurs like “im fine gaius. IM IN LOVE!!!!!!” 

- okay merlin visits the unhelpful dragon who is actually relatively helpful in this situation and he tells him merlin has to find the person arthur truly loves and get her to kiss him which is handy bc gwen exists but what if she didn’t? merlin would have to make out with him i guess.

- gwen and arthur are kissing!!!! she broke the enchantment and now arthurs like “where am i?? why is my rib broken??” and gwen’s like “youre in a fight to the death. no time to explain. head on out there buddy good luck”

- so arthur almost kills olaf and then is like “this is no way to achieve peace” and olaf just??? forgives him??? and forgets he was trying to fuck his daughter????

- so after all that gwen is like “we cant be together” B I T C H you were so ready to get with him twenty minutes ago what the heck

- wait wait wait no one unenchanted vivian!!!!!!!! she’s gonna be hung up on arthur for the rest of her goddamn life

next episode: the witch’s quickening

#tylers merlin rewatch #merlin #colin morgan #bradley james #katie mcgrath #angel coulby