#man i struggled with this i have no idea why

[mpregdimension]

I melted back against the couch cushions, savoring the warmth of Santiago's muscular arms wrapped tightly around me. At 7 months pregnant, my belly had ballooned out enormously, though the sleepy Santiago still thought I was only carrying one big baby. If only he knew the truth that I had twin sons brewing in there.

"It's time for you to tell me how your three weeks in Colombia went. How're your parents doing?" I asked, craning my neck to nuzzle against his scratchy cheek. Santiago had just gotten back from another Colombia trip.

"They're good, babe" he mumbled groggily, planting a lazy kiss on my temple. "Mom keeps bugging me about when I'll finally bring you to meet them."

I managed a smile, though part of me worried his mother might not be as accepting of our relationship as she let on. Since I found out I was pregnant Santiago has stopped talking about his parents, children and friends like he did before, even though he travels to Colombia almost all the time to visit them.

"What about your...other family?" I ventured cautiously.

Santiago immediately tensed up, his eyes flashing open. "Paul, you already know I'm still in the same situation, there's no need to ask every time, please don't make me talk about that damn ex-wife," he grumbled, suddenly sounding more awake. "That shitty divorce is still going on for years, at least my boys are fine, busy at university without having to get involved in those problems."

Deciding to drop it, I just nodded and leaned back against his chest, breathing in his musky, familiar scent. Santiago nuzzled against my neck, his hands roaming down to cup my huge pregnant belly.

"Damn, you're getting so fuckin' big, babe," he purred in that deep, gravelly voice. "I can't wait to meet our little man."

Our little man...if only he knew. I worried my lip, debating whether I should finally tell him about the twins. 

Before I could decide, Santiago surprised me by whispering hotly in my ear, "You know...it's been way too long since I pounded that sweet ass of yours. Why don't we head to the bedroom so I can really go to town on you?" His breath was hot against my neck.

My eyes widened in shock at the bold suggestion, panic fluttering in my chest. As much as I craved intimacy with Santiago, I couldn't risk anything that might inadvertently trigger labor prematurely.

"Babe, I...I really don't think that's a good idea," I stammered awkwardly. "The doctor said rough sex is off-limits this late in the pregnancy."

He let out a deep, rumbling chuckle. "Who said anything about rough? I was thinking nice and hard...Help get you all loosened up down there for when the big day comes." His hand stroked along my thigh teasingly.

I gulped nervously, my heart pounding as desire warred with prudence. Part of me was tempted to throw caution to the wind. But the protective father within wouldn't endanger the twins.

"Please, baby," I pleaded, putting my hand over his to stop the sensual motions. "I want the memories of going into labor to be peaceful, not because we got too carried away fucking like animals."  

A frustrated groan rumbled from Santiago's lips as he begrudgingly pulled his hands away. His eyelids were growing heavy again, that burst of frisky energy fading. I could see him struggling between the urge to ravish me and the siren call of sleep.

Finally, with a defeated sigh, Santiago seemed to give in to exhaustion. "You're right, babe. We'll save that for after the little dudes get here." Within minutes, his breath had evened out into the steady rhythm of slumber. The lingering secret about my twin pregnancy is still burning in the back of my mind. Would it be better to keep it a surprise?

#mpreg #male pregnancy #mpregnancy #mpreg belly #mpreg birth #mpreg labor #mpreg kink #mpreg story #pregnant man #hombre embarazado #embarazo masculino #mpregdimension

[nu-suave]

JJK MEN VYING FOR YOUR ATTENTION (part two) one, two

feat. chousou, sukuna, higuruma word count: 798

summary: once you’ve noticed it, you don’t know how you never picked up on it; he vies for your attention. a/n: i start a trial at a potential new job tomorrow so i’ve been writing like crazy so i don’t have to think about it lmao. it's taking some real restraint to not immediately upload everything as i write it

Chousou is sweet in how he seeks your attention. He’ll accompany you when you need to walk somewhere, even if it’s 20 minutes out of his way. He always offers to cook with you, to help you in any menial task. He hears you’re doing laundry? He offers to help. You’re looking after your friends' kids? He’ll pop by to keep the kids entertained. You want to bake something? He’ll ask to join you. He tries to slot himself into your free time and spend as much time with you as possible. Grocery trips together quickly become one of his favourite ways of doing this - comparing prices together, discussing the meals you plan to make this week, covertly (or not, in his case) offering to share a meal together if you’re struggling with ideas for a particular day. With Chousou, he tries to take advantage of the spare time you do have. He doesn’t want to impose and, honestly, with how quickly he’ll fall into the habit of helping you with small, idle tasks, he’s pretty sure this is the closest to domestic bliss he’s ever going to get.

When you both go out, he’s more private about it: he doesn’t demand your attention, happy to stand back and watch you talk to anyone who stops you, but he wants it. He’s just more subtle with it - curling his pinky around yours, stepping a little closer into your space, something small that’ll have you turning your head, offering him a private smile reserved for him alone.

Sukuna doesn’t try to catch your attention because, really, a tall, four-armed curse is going to walk up to you and you’re going to ignore him? Seriously? Your gaze snaps to him the second he enters your line of sight. He enjoys it every time, and he makes it obvious - he likes to linger lazily like a fat, domesticated house cat, smug to have your attention yet hissy every time you call him out on it. His mere presence demands attention, so naturally you give it to him whenever he so much as opens his mouth.

Ignore him, though? Maybe you’re too busy with someone else to pay him enough attention, or you’re teasingly ignoring him or, even worse, you genuinely don’t notice he’s there. If you’re in public, he’s quick to speak up; across the room, and he calls it in that cold, dismissive tone most would mistake for callous - you know better, picking it up for the fond annoyance it is - and if he’s nearby, he leans down into your space, asking softly, what, you ignoring me? in a deceptively soft tone. If you’re alone, he forgoes that entirely. He’s stronger than you, of course - he simply grabs you, manhandling you to sit beside him or tucking you into your side with one of his arms. You can’t ignore him when you’re glued to his side, can you?

Higuruma doesn’t have a lot of free time, being so caught up in work, but when he has it he wants to spend it with you. He does it in the little ways he can - lazy weekends in private settings, where it’s just the two of you able to relax without outside influence. Watching movies, cooking food together, trying out new hobbies occasionally. He likes to spend time with you one-on-one, where you’re not distracted by the bustle of everyday life. Even then, he has a bad habit of doing work in the small time you spend together - still in private, quietly doing your own things in shared proximity.

He wants your attention, don’t get me wrong, he’s just a busy man; he takes it wherever he can, constantly attempting to slot you into the empty spaces on his calendar. He wants to be around you, one of very few places he feels he can truly relax and unwind. It’s why he wants to monopolise your attention on the time he has it, even if you’re not even talking. You’re alone, striking up idle conversation every few minutes or making throwaway comments, and it’s time spent with you alone. You can’t blame him for being a bit selfish with your time when you spend so little of it together, can you?

The few times you do go out in public together, he likes to keep a hand on you. It’s more for him than it is for you, honestly. A guiding hand on your back when he opens doors for you or his thumb brushing over your knuckles when you idly complain about being cold (or sweaty, bored, hungry, tired, or any occasion, really). Small things, so small you could blink and miss it, yet every time you send him the same soft, warm smile that has him feeling five years younger.

#jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #sukuna x reader #ryomen sukuna x reader #ryoumen sukuna x reader #sukuna x you #choso x reader #chousou x reader #choso kamo x reader #kamo choso x reader #choso x you #higuruma x reader #higuruma hiromi x reader #higuruma x you

[brucewaynehater101]

i keep seeing the hcs (the tim seeing bruce as his son ones) you post and had an idea

so like bruce is like,,, grieving bc sum1 died (who is your choice) and tim js goes back to the behaviors he had when bruce was grieving originally like and every1 is like tim wtf???

i can imagine tim standing off to the side (like a parent watching their kid on a like,, a playground or smth) thinking how he’s going 2 drag bruce upstairs to sleep and sum1 (again your choice) comes up and asks “tim why the fuck are you acting this it makes not sense”

tim’s like “don’t ask”

srry if was confusing

I completely understood. You're good 👍

However, let's explore the angst potential ~

Bruce and the entire Bat family is grieving the loss of their family member (extra points if it's a pivotal role like Dick or Alfred [everyone would hurt, but the family relies on these people]). Everyone is visibly having a rough time.... except for Tim.

Tim cried when the news came (or when they watched the person die). He cried when his family broke down screaming, begging, and sobbing. He cried when he watched each and every family member lose a vital part of themselves.

And then he stopped. He crammed those pieces of himself together and gathered everyone up. He got them home, and his calm facade hasn't broken since.

It's worse this time around because he knew the person who died personally. He loved Jason and was devastated when he died. However, he didn't know Jason personally. He hadn't had his hair ruffled as the individual gave him a fond smirk. He hadn't been left a steaming mug of coffee as a silent sign of support. He hadn't been pulled into a hug or found himself startled into a laugh. He had never heard his name uttered by the person who died like he did this time.

There's a piece of Tim that died when that family member stopped breathing, but it's okay. He's used to that by now. Bruce and his family need him.

So, Tim gives B sympathetic smiles before shoving him into the batmobile for the car rides that help the man fall asleep. He clicks his tongue as the man comes back with too many injuries. He invokes the sticker charts again and the spray bottle. He ruthlessly utilizes emotional manipulation and sharp words until Bruce stops destroying everything around him (both in the literal and metaphorical sense). He provides Bruce with healthier outlets for his grief.

This time, though? He checks up on the other family members as well. He ensures that no one left in his family is alone. He makes sure that everyone has someone to lean on, that they support each other, and that they don't lash out at each other.

It takes a while, between the waves of grief everyone is drowning under and struggling to find the surface of Tim's efforts get overlooked.

Eventually, when the family starts to heal just a bit more, they notice Tim standing with his hands on his hips as he glares at Bruce.

"Bruce Wayne. If you do not strip off that armor, consume your entire dinner, and get into your bed upstairs, there will be consequences. Do NOT make me count to three."

The other Bats watch as Bruce winces, sighs heavily, and then drags his weary body to the changing room.

Someone points out just how weird that is.

It's the first time in months that the family acts with the chaos it usually has.

#dc comics #tim drake #dc universe #bruce wayne #batman #dc au #thank you for the ask!!!! #didn't edit so let me know if there's mistakes! #tim acting like bruce's parent

[loremaster]

all right, let's talk about some rejected* ideas from boba au's chapter 4. (big spoilers ofc)

yakou, as we know, is a very sad man. secretly plotting to unalive himself for revenge.

but in this au, pucci catches him, right?

she can't wrap her head around his selfish motivations. sure, his wife was important to him when she was alive, but now she's not, so why is she still important? pucci doesn't think the revenge would be worth the suicide. but yakou is a firm believer in the Core Tenets Of Marriage (and considers seppuku to be one of them)

*this is for not what will end up happening in the actual boba au ch4. but from here on out... i will probably still use some of the ideas below, so if you want to be totally surprised when i post the whole thing this summer, turn back now.

...but if you want a little treat, then keep reading ;)

after the gang reunites, yuma interrogates yakou, who confesses everything, even the extent of his murderous rage.

mystery labyrinth happens in which yuma uses whatever leftover evidence he can to prove dl6 dr huesca was responsible for yakou's wife's death. yuma reaps huesca's soul... and when he leaves the labyrinth, yakou is still alive!

AND AFTER ALL THAT HARD WORK THEY PUT INTO SAVING HIM HE DIES ANYWAY

(he tries it one more time and gets that finger bitten clean off.)

if anyone out there knows what the scorpion reference is from, you have earned my undying love. (if you don't...... well, then stay tuned for the neon downpour zine to find out B))

anyway. vivia is understandably struggling with this. he appoints himself as the guard to the kitchen/bathroom door, behind which zombie yakou is... uh, well, there.

melami gets straight to the point.

"did you love him?"

i thought vivia's feelings could have grown into something more, but never got the chance before it was ripped away.

this was pre-dlc. i was a fool.

he was madly in love the whole time.

#rain code #master detective archives #mdarc #boba au #vivia twilight #pucci lavmin #yakou furio #viviakou #vvyk #viviakoushippingweek2024 #guest starring: #halara nightmare #zilch alexander #aphex logan #yuma kokohead #fink the slaughter artist #rain code spoilers #melami goldmine #fubuki clockford #desuhiko thunderbolt

[ahollowgrave]

An Exercise in Trust [Part One]

This takes place shortly following the first dungeon of Shadowbringers, Holminster Switch. A conversation between the scion Prudence Dubois and the Warrior of Light Odette Hollows.

“I don’t trust him,” Prudence’s voice is a dry rasp, like the pages of a book being turned, emphasized by her pacing. Step, step, step, turn. Step, step step, turn. “He doesn’t show us the work, he just says you’ll be fine. How the fuck would he know? He blindly groped all about our star for you and knocked all of us out of our bodies. That,” Her boot heel struck the ground, “Is not a careful man. We shouldn’t trust a careless man with you. Urianger is the one with the vision, surely we can figure it out.”

You do not answer immediately, listening to the sound of her pacing. You lay on the bed of your shared room, legs draped over the side of the mattress, an arm thrown over your eyes that doesn’t help. Hours ago you scattered the aether of a Lightwarden and returned the night sky to Lakeland. To see your Lady’s radiant face returned to the heavens of this world had brought you first to tears and then your knees. But when you closed your eyes to pray the perfect darkness that lay behind your lids was instead foul, burning light.

You cannot stop closing your eyes, like poking a bruise or picking a scab.

Prudence kicks your leg once then twice and then once more. She’s certainly kicked you harder before, and the idea that she may be holding back makes you warm.

“Are you even listening?” A cutting tone there, like the edge of paper.

“I am, I am,” you assured, hearing your fondness shape the words into something softer, coaxing the same from her.

It works. You hear only a sigh in response. Then Prudence’s weight settles onto the bed beside you; never near enough to touch but your body tips toward her’s. She draws in a deep breath trying to find her patience again.

“I want the witch to look at you. Before you eat another one. She’s right not to trust this Exarch, you know.” She spits the title like a curse.

“I didn’t eat it, Prudence,” You scrub your palms against your eyelids. The bright light trapped behind them is spotted through with blessed black where you press.

Prudence is quiet but you can feel her stare. The weight of its regard; annoyance and concern in equal measure. Relief that it isn’t her. Judgement because she thinks she could do this better.

Everyone thinks they can do it better, none of them want to try.

You continue: “We may not have the time for that. I’m not even sure where Y’shtola is,” Prudence clucked at the name. You finally opened your eyes, banishing the light again, and turned to behold the Ishgardian beside you. Prudence stared down at you, unblinking, brows drawn low in her customary disappointed expression. You cannot meet her gaze -- you can never meet anyone’s gaze -- but you are close enough.

It is easy to forget that she and the others have been here for a year or longer; waiting for your arrival. Prudence has never been one to sit still and she struggles now, a bird caged. From outside the window, you hear a crowd cheer and uproarious laughter. The Crystarium is still up, still enjoying the darkness of night. Prudence’s liquid dark eyes cut toward the sound and you feel a smile rise unbidden. You know whose laugh she seeks.

“Why don’t you go out? I’m sure the Captain is out there.” You sit up as you speak, bracing yourself on your elbows, “Neither of us are aether-ologists, we’ll have to wait for Urianger and Y’shtola to weigh in. You might as well enjoy the passage of time.”

Prudence snorted at the title and rolled her eyes at everything else. She rose to resume pacing. You flopped back onto the bed, prepared for a second round of discussion of topics far beyond your combined understanding. But no such discussion starts. Only your companion’s steps filled the air. Then:

“So, if Y’shtola says it’s dangerous, you’ll stop?”

“Stop?”

“Stop eating them. The light wardens.”

“I’m not eat--”

“You know what I mean.”

You stare at each other for a moment. You do know what she means, is the problem, and you know you cannot promise her. And yet --

“… If Y’shtola says it's dangerous, I’ll… stop.” Your hand is pinned against your leg, half tucked under the curve of your thigh, your fingers crossed.

The silence is long.

“Fine. I’m going out. Don’t wait up.” She’s at the door before you can sit up all the way. Your dead heart skips into life as it clicks shut behind her. However, before you can delight in the quiet, dread teases the nape of your neck, raising goosebumps. Your fingertips tremble as you strive to contain the sudden knowledge that this is a memory you will reflect on often.

You close your eyes as the tears fall, blinded by the light trapped behind your eyelids.

Someone else could do this better.

#An Exercise in Trust #Pigeon Writing #Odette Hollows #Prudence Dubois #WoL!Odette #Scion!Prudence #Shadowbringers #Shadowbringers Spoilers #AhhHHHHHHH #posting this before I chicken out ok love you mwah #(An exercise in trust because odette spends most of the expansion LYING to KNOWN LIARS and because it's when we got the trust system)

[st4rgzer]

I looooved messy it was sooo fluff and cute!! Could you do a Spencer x reader where reader is also a teacher at the uni where Spence works and it’s like a meet cute because they were both told they could have the same room at the same time for their students to take a test and they’re both stubborn about it until one of them is like “fine I’ll let you have it if you take me out for coffee” ☺️🫶

mix-up (spencer reid)

summary: a small mix up leads you to meeting a rather intriguing person.

genre: fluff!

cw!: possible college inaccuracies..sorry!!

a/n: hi lovely! tysm for requesting, i hope you like how i wrote this. <3

you hurriedly walked through the college corridors, your glasses falling off the bridge of your nose as you struggled to adjust them with the tests in your hands. turns out printing the exams 2 hours before the test in a prestigious college wasn’t exactly the best idea.

your brows furrowed in confusion as you were met with half of your class sat on one side of the room, and someone else’s students on the other.

a tall man with wavy brown hair and curious brown eyes caught yours.

you walked down the stairs, placing the exams with a grunt on the table before turning to him.

“excuse me, i think you have the wrong room.” you said, trying to hold your own. intimidated by the, rather handsome, man standing before you.

“um…no, this is quantum mechanics, right?” he spoke clearly and confidently, which didn’t help with keeping your composure

“yes, but i have this hour reserved for an exam” you frowned, placing your hands on your hips. trying your best to appear convinced.

“well, i do as well.” he smiled, smug. he shrugged.

“guess we’ll have to share” he said dismissively, turning around to grab his exams.

you could’ve just ended it there…but you didn’t.

“no. i booked this room.” you said, with a sudden burst of confidence.

he turned back, appalled. he smiled before nodding. on a random day, with a random person, he would’ve just let it go. but for some reason, he felt intrigued by you.

“well this is an important test, we aren’t leaving to find another classroom” he declared, placing his hands in his pockets.

“is this going to be a problem?…” “-doctor spencer reid.” he grinned. nodding for you to continue

“okay, is this going to be a problem dr reid?” he liked the way you said his name. was he going to be the bigger person with nothing in exchange? of course not.

“fine, i’ll let you have it if you let me take you out for coffee” he finally said, watching your face attentively. he laughed slightly as you looked away in defeat, annoyed. a pink hue shading your cheeks.

“fine.” you mumbled, deciding the best way to save time and effort, was accepting his offer. no other reason why…

he smirked, turning around and grabbing the exam. he exited with his students (thankfully, there were few). you watched as he went out, wondering if he was really going to follow through with that offer, and wondering why you wanted him to do so.

“okay let’s start guys, sorry about that” you spoke to your students, handing out the papers.

after the class had finalized, you were left picking up your things and placing the exams in a folder. you were about to walk out of the room.

“hey! ready to head out?” an out of breath voice came toward you. he stood in front of you with his hands on his knees, regaining his breath before properly standing up.

“i- why are you so breathless?” you let out a breathy laugh.

“what if i saw its cause you took my breath away” he chuckled, his smile incredibly contagious.

you rolled your eyes, flattered. on the inside you were definitely not this casual about this.

“anyways, should we go?” he spoke again, hands gesturing to the exit in a gentleman-y manner.

you nodded, smile still confidently plastered on your face. incredibly thankful for your schedules clashing.

#spencer reid fluff #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds #criminal minds fic

[prick-love-for-arting]

listen I don't have a good caption for this, just vote kyouwatahaba in @hqrarepairtournament, they're so important to me

#haikyuu!! #kyouwatahaba #kyouhaba #kyoutani kentarou #yahaba shigeru #watari shinji #art #fan art #digital art #haikyuu art #hq rarepairs #sketch #man i struggled with this i have no idea why #this is 'nope i get shinji now' from kyoutani #it's give watari affection hours #trying to push this is last day of the poll #i want them to win so bad

[raviola-triggers]

He stayed in the shrine with Miko after the second betrayal

#genshin impact #scaramouche #wanderer #kunikuzushi #man why do you have so many names for me to tag *rolls eyes* #anyways i just felt like sharing this lil idea that i am struggling to write and/or draw but love dearly #because obviously i do i've had this hc of him looking up to miko despite his snarky voiceline about her since forever #so yeah that's it that's the au he's just this pretty little helper of the guji yae who people sometimes see and spread rumors about #*cough* definitely not a setup for some kzscr fic at all *cough*

[charmac]

x

#gonna go on a parasocial rant for a man i barely care about bc thats where i am #but honestly its actually a little heartbreaking #when you think about the fact that rob #who we know struggled in school and with behavioural issues #was a neurodivergent kid who had no idea what that even was #no resources or labels to help him #is now an adult figuring this all out #and seeing #holy shit this sports team i grew up with and love knows about this too #and theyre doing all of this #like do you realise he was a kid in the 80s with no knowledge of any of this #used sports as an outlet and to bond with his dad #probably imagining if this foundation had existed when he was a kid what that could have done for him #and i now have the money and ability to support this all #so hes donating and posting to raise awareness and encourage support #and he's spending time and money with his soccer team in wales to do this same thing #so neurodivergent kids who love sports are growing up with what he didnt have #and their parents are able to recognise and understand what his couldn't (no fault of their own) #im sorry but youre a very blindly heartless person to think that doesnt matter because rob is NOW rich #why are we acting like hes elon fucking musk #he came from nothing you ALL KNOW HOW SUNNY STARTED!? #yes hes stupid spending his money on nfts and the metaverse #can you not see hes fucking growing... and learning. like. probably through his own kids.... #i dont even care if you dont care #i dont think it matters at all but adamantly shitting on him to his (social media) face is so beyond loser behaviour #holy fucking christ most of twitter now has clearly been educated in the tiktok school of anti capitalism #that they think the moment someone breaks 1mm they lose their history and soul #rob is a centrist he posts copganda he owns a gun and is proud of it but youre biggest issue with him is he won at capitalism? #via doing something not only he loves but YOU love? and have a whole account dedicated to?????? #everyone in his quotes is britta perry from community

[waywardsalt]

i feel like one of the main draws of the ganonbeck ship is that ganondorf is wildly out of linebeck’s league but it can work anyways

#tbh linebeck dating insanely out of his league seems to be the through-line between a lot of linebeck crackships #something enticing abt the idea of ganondorf basically having the pick of whoever the fuck he’d want and deciding on this skinny wet cat #ganonbeck #linebeck #ganondorf #like the other linebeck crackships i know of are with ghirahim or midna. powerful demon or twili royalty lol #tbh the setup of ganondorf being miles out of linebecks league is interesting in of itself #allows for exploration of why ganondorf likes linebeck instead of anyone else as well as how the fuck linebeck managed this #ganondorf is like. king of the gerudo wielder of power very skilled magic user a man important in hyrule as a whole #and linebeck is just some guy who like. commits petty crime and fucks around and finds out for money #this dumbass crackship has potential to be comedic tragic sappy dramatic adventurous. what the hell is happening but its fun #salty talks #dont mind me im struggling to write my ganonbeck oneshot but im making up for it by thinking Really Hard #man this really started bc a cool artist realized that linebeck and ganondorf could interact in ssbu

[jewishdainix]

Hi my name is Kaladin Dark’ness Windrunner Stormblessed and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) that curls at the tips covers my forhead scars and reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Evid Markaker (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!)

#sorry. #the stormlight archive #kaladin stormblessed #my immortal copypasta #you can thamk. rin willshaper aka @herowayne for the guy evid markmaker #i have no idea when he was mentioned but rin says hes a darkeyes who got a sharblade sofjmccccccccc #im so tired #ive been drawing kaladin for two days now. i am struggling with the eys. why is this man so hard to drawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww #i have unlocked the ability to draw him but at what cost? at what cost?

[lith-myathar]

.

#really really hate how thoughtless and oblivious i can be to my own bad behavior #ill know something is important or that a shouldn't do a particular thing #but over time and assumptions and small acts of carelessnes shit just....fades and accumulates and one day #i look up and ive done something very stupid and hurt someone else #and i didn't feel it happening #my mind will take things and hide them from me is what it feels like. ill know they're there but it fades into the background noise #i am hard on the things in my life including people and relationships. and i am always so vulnerable to my own fuckin lmfao inattentivenes #this is why i struggle so much with the idea of ever having an intimate partner or children. it doesn't matter how much i care. #eventually and inevitably i do damage. #and i know consciously that people make mistakes and all you can do is try to course correct and make it right. but it's better #not to hurt anyone in the first place and i really don't know if i will ever be capable of that. #trying to convince myself this kind of shit is growing pains but man. man. i can't stop being what i am and it really #really feels sometimes like i am just destined to break and neglect #but then that ''im broken'' thing feels like trying to dodge around taking responsibility and improving. and i should be better than that. #but god how tf are you supposed to stop dissociating from the reality of what you're doing when you're. dissociated. #all i can ever think to do is isolate #*sigh* guys i think i might need to graduate to therapy with a trauma specialist #or adjust my medication. god. im so tired. #why is it so gd hard to be a normal decent person. it doesn't seem hard but then

[tvrningout-a]

gonna be honest, the sheer amount of drafts i have makes me want to perish and thus even entering my drafts inspires the urge to run away immediately ASDFGFD

#NGL THIS IS WHY I'VE BEEN CONCENTRATING ON MEMES #the idea of scrolling through all of my drafts rn makes me want to actually close my laptop oh man #i wish there was a mass delete button so i could just reset the whole thing and simply ask which threads y'all wanted to keep #bc if i try to go through and delete stuff myself i think i'll struggle a lot with keeping and tossing #i'm very bad about 'well i don't have muse now but i wanna see how it turns out so badly!!' #memes piling up doesn't stress me out as much bc most are quick blurbs with unprompted asks sprinkled in #and those are much quicker to scroll through and just?? i dunno easier to find muse for sometimes #but i wanna write consistent threads very badly y'all i wanna go 'AAAAHHH' bc of what our muses are getting up to!! #my brain is being so mean rn she needs to get it together #get ready to ramble | ooc

[majoringinsarcasm]

The thing about TERFs is that they’ll talk about the issues women face and how things are unfair or not designed with women in mind and how society was shaped around men and how it still is like that in many many places.

But instead of seeing that as a system that needs to be changed, they take all of that as Inherent and Biological when that’s not the case. And in fact is just adhering to what the system has been from the start.

More rambling underneath idk I’ve just been thinking about stuff lately

“Men are born hating women. They are born with this instinct to harass and assault and it’s only a matter of time before they do. You cannot transition into a women because you are not socialized the same was a them. You didn’t suffer what they suffered. You don’t know all the True Ways of being a women so anything you do is a mockery.”

And I just have to wonder. Who taught you about women hood? I don’t mean what did society tell you or show you. Who taught you as an individual why being a woman meant To Them.

Because there are a lot of women in this world who wake up and are so happy to be women. Who feel pride in not just their body but their mind and goals and ideals and dreams. Who see womanhood as something to strive towards. Not one thing to earn by doing the right things but panting to gain For The Self. The way they carry themselves and treat others, the way they see and want to shape the world.

I am not cis, but not because I was scared or felt that I was failing at being a girl. I didn’t feel like one. All of that Inherent and Biological stuff I was meant to feel as a girl and future women wasn’t clicking. All the talking points that TERFs and transphobes make about this or that. It wasn’t clicking. I was a Girl no doubt, because I wasn’t a boy and those were my only options. And it was fine for me because I wasn’t taught to hate it. I was surrounded by women who enjoyed being women. I don’t reject my upbringing bc it’s the only one I had. It was fine because My Life more or less wasn’t filled with that kind of suffering.

I do not define my identity by suffering. I tried to once and that almost killed me. I was taught by other queer people that I had to hate my body or I wasn’t really trans. I’ve never been assaulted for being queer but I’m not out at work. I don’t feel safe and I know I don’t look any different. It took me ages to just be okay with My Body being a trans body I’m not sure when I’ll be ready to take that next step. But I’ll make it in my on time if I ever do.

But I’m trans bc I LACK the euphoria of being a woman. There is no joy or pride. I was a Weird Girl bc no other word existed for me back then. I was a human but a girl. I was a person but a girl. And when I discovered there were other words I felt happy. I didn’t need to be a Different from the rest girl or a Late Blooming girl. Nonbinary came along. Trans came along. Agender came along. I had new words to try out and they fit me in the way Weird Girl no longer needed to act as a placeholder.

I say All of this just to reiterate how stupid those biological talking points are. On both sides mind you because the queer community from what I’ve seen is not kind to AMAB people and that upsetting. Because there is no inherent evil of birth sex or body. There is no way to tell who is Good and Safe and who is Harmful other than their actions. This is not me ignoring society structure. This is me saying that

“You don’t know my pain so you’re not a real X”

Sounds a lot like

“If all you need to be X is the desire and genuine euphoria with identifying as such to the point of choosing a scary series of events and possible hatred from others, all because you will be happy at the end of the road, then My suffering doesn’t mean I’m worthy of this title. I am just someone who suffered.”

And it’s fucked up the way we live now. And there is no blank slate. And we STILL act as a group on these issues. But it doesn’t need to stay that way. We as individuals can make that change day by day until we don’t need to fear or resent each other to feel safe. Where we won’t have to fight over scraps. But we won’t get there by listening to people who wish us harm or who make up criteria that even other cis people don’t meet.

#trans rights #trans woman #queer community #trans man #the idea that you have not suffered enough to claim a title is a bad rhetoric that only hurts everyone #we can acknowledge and show compassion to those who were dragged through the mud to get to where they are #but we help them by caring about each other no matter where they started #from those who had no support to those with loving families #the people who want us dead or to stay quiet about how we feel do not care who has it worse #they will use that to divide us further #as for TERFs who hate men but also hate being women #the struggles women face are real and true but how you feel about yourself is not universal #bigots use the boxes to keep people in line and to keep life the way it is #the idea that it can be different but Better doenst even register #they don’t want equality the way it should be and that’s why we need to stop using their ideals to hurt others in the community #gosh dang messed up the first tags ARG #trans women #trans men #I used to k ow how to spell guys

[lunarblazes]

god grian is so hard to write. hes my blorbo and my silly rabbit and if you asked me to write him i would have to take at least three to five business days to think about it before getting back to you

#some of this is my own struggles with character driven stuff #because i tend to think of plot first #but fhcking. grian. that man. #bane of my existence. literally what motivates him. why. why is he like this #grian #pearl has a spot right next to him i have no idea what’s going on

[laugtherhyena]

Hina and Beni

#had this idea ages ago when i was thinking about their similarities but only did it now because why not #i am struggling with getting ideas of what to draw 💔💔 i did that the last month i can't do it again so soon #i need to make the best out of these two months of recess i have #csm #chainsaw man #csm oc #csm kobeni #kobeni higashiyama #hina akiyama #hyena scribbles