#maybe it's easier if you're not an sa survivor

[coockie8]

I don't know if I've mentioned it on here before, but I've mentioned it elsewhere, that I probably wouldn't be able to maintain a relationship, romantic or otherwise, with an anti. Whether they're the feral ''kys'' type anti or not.

A lot of people seem to misinterpret that as me letting pointless fandom drama control my relationships, but that's genuinely not the reality. Fictional squicks are not the issue here; the treating fictional anything like it's comparable to my lived trauma is, and that is a thing that all antis do.

I don't care if lolicon and incest fiction makes you uncomfortable, you are allowed to be uncomfortable, but the reality is this shit is fiction, and fiction is not the same as 13-17 year old me getting sexually assaulted by multiple different adults on multiple different occasions.

I simply would not be able to maintain a relationship of any kind with someone who thinks a fucking drawing is in any way comparable to what those men did to me!

#just anti things #anti bs #proship #profic #tw: csa mention #trash king vents #I see people talk sometimes about how their romantic partners are antis #and I just can't wrap my mind around that #maybe it's easier if you're not an sa survivor #but I can't fathom being in a relationship with/being expected to trust someone who thinks a cartoon is the exact same thing as my trauma #'cause how can I expect them to be able to listen to and take seriously what happened to me? #I would be living in literal constant fear that I might one day create vent/cope art that would make them compare me to my abusers

[sweetlikehoneystingslikeabee]

Switching gears since I recently refamiliarized myself with your character list...any general romantic HCs for Deadpool?

"Merc with the Mouth romance HCs" Deadpool x reader

Hey I've haven't gotten to do Deadpool yet! This is fun! I'll do sfw and nsfw.

Tw: Suggestive and smut, SA mention

Sfw:

His dates are not always Good or Safe but they are always Memorable. Someone is trying to kill him every other week. Either because he pissed them or ruined their plans. You'll be fine, just don't be shocked when he gets his hand blown off and kills several men when you were just trying to have a nice night out. You can bond while it grows back.

If you ever needed someone to enable your nerdy habits, look no further. He maims people who spoil the newest book, he'll sit through hours and hours of marathons, and he thinks it's very sexy that you know fun facts and behind the scenes details. Now put on Lord of the Rings and make out with him during the Gollum scenes.

So many dumb emoji texts. Like a huge string of emojis with all the different hearts in different color formations- rainbows, sexuality flags that match what yours might be. And sweat drops. And... cactus emoji? It definitely means something and it's meant to be affectionate, just roll with it.

He's that guy who takes you to your favorite restaurant just because he can. There's nothing special going on. He just wants to spoil you and really loves seeing you smile. Then a massage for you and maybe a bubble bath-

The stupid antics he will get to so you'll to laugh. Particularly if you're having a bad day, he will get downright slapstick if it will bring you a little bit of joy. Someone could argue it's a personality fault where he feels he has to be entertaining to have value to you, but maybe right now isn't the time to unpack that.

Nsfw:

Down for pretty much anything. Seriously. Tie him up, put him in a dress, peg him sideways- He'll try anything at least twice to see if he likes it.

the only thing that is an absolute no for him is CNC (consensual non-consent) or anything in that vein because of being a canonical SA survivor. I know I don't really write for that anyways, but I think it bears mentioning given his character and past.

Man has little to no shame so if you're not into public space fucking, you should let him know early on. He will get it on in the alleyway behind the taco shack. Tacos just get him feeling frisky sometimes, you understand.

The very definition of a switch. His playful nature allows him to slip to a submissive role easily even if people who don't know him take any of his comments seriously. He's dead-ass, use him like a toy and tell him how breedable he is if you're into that <3 He's also more than willing to take the reins and top or be in a dominant role if that's your preference. If you're also a switch you guys can just take turns depending on the move.

he's incredibly self-conscious in serious, intimate moments about his body. Particularly the first time. Okay, this is him, scarred up and looking like a fucked up Freddy Krueger. You sure you still want... this? He can put his clothes back on and he can do stuff to just you if you'd rather. Or he can turn the lights off... or...

It's so much easier to joke around than have to acknowledge he really looks like this. Once you've been together a minute, though, he'll realize you really do love his sexy ass.

#deadpool #deadpool x reader #foxwriting #smut

[jewish-vents]

OK this is painful and I’m sorry if it triggers anyone I just need to share it. I’m queer and I’m Jewish. I’m not super super queer like I’m bi and marginal to the community which always felt like it was run by strict lesbian gatekeeping so my point is I learned to easily pass as straight most of the time because it was easier. And I’m not super super Jewish I was raised as a secular skeptic but my family never denied our Jewishness it’s just that we weren’t part of any religious community but I have proudly claimed my identity as a Jew my whole life. And: I used to always feel safe in the queer community. Like it was a safe space. For me, an outsider, a survivor, of many multiple different kinds of trauma, the queer community was safe and welcoming. There were always people who were kind of obsessed with I/P there, but they were a minority and they didn’t attack me or demand loyalty testing , or if they did make a provocation like at a dinner party it was an aberration from the norm and seen as their obsession and no one joined in. For most of my life, I’m talking 40 years, I felt safe in the queer community. And now it’s just completely transformed. I simply know I can’t be Jewish in any queer spaces without encountering rank antisemitism and callous contempt for Jewish suffering. Maybe you could say I’ve departed these spaces and no one has physically pushed me out, but I refuse to prepare my good Jew™️credentials just to go to a fuckin show or some comedy or dinner party and why should I have to tolerate or adapt to constant antisemitism just to be loved and accepted? In fact I was just beginning to feel safe to be publicly more queer and eke out of the internalized homophobia I carry due to my childhood SA but I can’t do that now. No one will welcome me because I didn’t play their trendy game, and my city’s queer community has made it very clear they don’t give a shit about the harm they cause to Jews. There were firebomb attacks and shootings at Jewish schools, antisemitic slogans screamed at protests at synagogues in my city, and these same people are side-by-side with the (literally) inflammatory speech and lies spread, arms linked and posting social media thrillsville fight the power narcissisms to show how pure they are and how filthy Jews are. That’s what happened to my queer community. These are people I was deeply embedded psychologically with, I was chosen family with. My heartbreak is so deep and it’s been months but I still can’t let go . Where did I go wrong? How many families do I get kicked out of for telling the truth? Could I have educated them more before this happened so that I would’ve been able to stay friends with them? And I ask myself, isn’t this what other Jews felt like, throughout history, other marginal Jews who were at the fringes of their identity groups but getting by, and then just got kicked right out and tossed into the big old pile of JEWS WHO DONT MATTER ANYMORE

I'm so sad to see fellow queer Jews having to go through this. Sadly, it's the reality for many of us. I'm so sorry you're going through that. For what it's worth, I'm proud of you for standing up to yourself and setting boundaries and refusing to compromise who you are to please others

#jewish vents #antisemitism #leftist antisemitism #lgbtq community

[sophieinwonderland]

Wait, “the system who attacked Eeveecraft”? You’ve got evidence on someone reporting them? Obliterate them Sophie!

Sorry, I have no clue who was responsible for falsely reporting them. 🤷‍♀️

The problem is that it really could have been anyone.

When I said "attacking," I'm referring to the fact that this happened shortly after an argument with Kipandkandi hurling accusations of racism at them. Could they have falsely reported @eeveecraft? Maybe.

Not long ago, they reblogged a post I made that called out SAS's hypocrisy on posting screenshots of Tumblr posts, and tagged it with "#sophie get banned challenge." So would they be willing to report someone who said something they didn't like, even if it didn't violate any rules? I think so. But just because it's something they'd be willing to do doesn't mean it's something they did.

And speaking of SAS, they were another system who reblogged the post attacking Eeveecraft. And back when my account was wrongfully banned and then reviewed and brought back for the first time last year, SAS reblogged a post suggesting they needed to "try harder" to get me banned again.

My account ended up banned the next day for a second time after more mass reporting. (These two consecutive wrongful bans are why I was whitelisted by Tumblr when I appealed again.)

Additionally, both are members of the Survivor's Network, a Discord Server that has a habit of discussing Tumblr syscourse in their syscourse channel, along with being responsible for other toxic and bullying behavior. (There was also another system who mods the Survivor's Network who reblogged that post on two separate blogs of theirs too. And I think SAS is a mod themselves.) If Eeveecraft's posts made it to that server, it's really anyone's guess as to what went down and who could have been responsible.

It's so hard to guess because any number of individuals in this group alone are morally bankrupt enough to have been in on something like this.

I don't know who actually sent the false reports but I do know that it wouldn't have happened were it not for the amping up of anti-tulpa rhetoric over the past week. And especially the post that tagged Eeveecraft while accusing them of spreading "incredibly racist ideas," which any number of users may have seen as a justification for reporting them for hate speech. (Just for the record, no, using words with foreign etymologies is not hatespeech.)

And... I do find it rather distasteful to directly tag a user's account that has you blocked as Kipandkandi did.

I can't for the life of me understand why they felt the need to tag an account that had them blocked. Generally, the point of tagging an account is to send them a notification to let them know they were mentioned. But that doesn't happen if you're blocked.

In fact, not receiving notifications from users is kind of the main point of blocking.

So... what was the reason for tagging the blog that they were blocked by other than putting an easier target on their back so any potential harassers would be within one click of the blog? Because I can't think of a single one.

#syscourse #tulpa #tulpamancy #pro tulpa #endogenic #pro endo #pro endogenic #tulpas #sysblr #systems #multiplicity #system discourse #harassment #bullying #survivor's network

[agirldying]

*Possible Tw for mentions of abuse and Sa, adding a warning just in case*

Hey Bun,

I wanted to talk to you or I guess maybe ask for your opinion on this. Do you think it's possible I'm actually going backwards in my healing?

It's a weird question but I will give you some background. I know you're probably familiar with my situation and a few weeks ago we had like a big response as to what my abuse actually was. After that I felt like I could really start accepting it because you gave me a name for it and that helped honestly to realize how serious what happened to me was.

For a few weeks I felt like I was dealing with the grief well and like actually addressing my feelings about it. I really felt like I was healing like a little bit. But now over the last two weeks I've been starting to like avoid it if that makes any sense.

Like I recently got a new job and im moving this week into a new apartment and I've just been like ignoring any thoughts I have about it. It's almost like I'm pretending it didn't happen. Like I don't want to call myself a survivor now. I don't want to admit I was abused. I don't want to think about getting hit. I don't want to call it trafficking. I don't want to think about what happened.

It's almost like when Ive been having flashbacks since I started working two weeks ago I see them and my brain is like "that's not me" like they aren't my memories and it didn't happen to me. It's like I'm trying to tell myself that it happened to someone else and that's not me. What is this?

I guess I'm just asking like is this regression in my healing? Is my personality splitting? Could I be dissociating from it because it's just too much for me to function normally? Honestly and truly I'm not sure what is happening.

It's just so strange because sometimes I will feel the anger or the pain or feel upset when I have the flashbacks and it's like I acknowledge the feeling and my brain just turns it off immediately, then I have those " it's not me" thoughts.

Sorry if this is a lot or if it's very confusing but I feel like something strange is going on and I don't really understand it so I was just wondering what you think about it.

Thank you so much for reading and as always I appreciate you so much Bun.

- DW 🍂

Hi DW 🍂,

Healing isn't linear, so it's expected to have some backwards steps.

It makes sense why you may be avoiding confronting your trauma and current situation because they're quite daunting and come with a lot of emotional... I don't want to use the word baggage but maybe weight? They're hard things to come to terms with so it's understandable why it can be hard to constantly accept.

It sounds like there are various changes in your life that perhaps make it easier to feel like you can put your experiences in the past and store it away like it didn't happen, even though it hasn't been completely processed.

Personally I feel this connecting with the year after I'd gotten out of my abusive situation - I went from long hair to short (cut off 10 inches of hair or so) and donated it. I remember the new look being this sort of pathway to feeling like I could pretend to be an entirely new person, free of trauma, unburdened (that being said I also remember having like 10 anxiety attacks in that month alone).

I also need to just say that I completely relate to almost othering yourself and being like "the person who endured that is not me". Personally I recognize that to be a dissociative symptom as I actively believe that I am a completely separate person from the girl who once inhabited this body (see my username). I have actually changed my name irl to reflect the fact that I am someone else now, and my deadname is triggering knowing what happened to her. Basically I'm saying all of this to kind of just show that this is just another way that dissociation can present, and this is one of the many elements of dissociative identity. Like, I will use first person when talking about the trauma, but that's more for convenience than actually identifying with those memories.

So yeah ultimately this sounds like some dissociation is coming up for you surrounding your sense of self and identity as you're navigating recovery.

I hope I could help and provide some insight. As you know, please feel free to send more asks my way if you need to chat or if you want to add onto this.

#text #asks #trauma #vent #trauma vent #DW 🍂 anon

[countesspetofi]

Too late to make a long story short

So, yeah. I planned on posting this last June, but I never got around to it because I was going through some health problems that had me pretty drained both physically and emotionally. And I'm actually getting around to it pretty late in life, for reasons which I'll briefly discuss further down.

This is my official coming out. I've tried to talk about it with my mother, but I don't think she really completely gets it, and I didn't want to push her. It's not that I don't think she'd be supportive - she absolutely would - but I just haven't got the mental energy.

I'm the IA that so often gets left off the end of LGBTQIA+. That is, Intersex and Asexual. And although I haven't deliberately tried to hide it (and for all I know, people may have guessed and just never mentioned it), there are a few reasons why I've never made this sort of open declaration before.

Firstly, I can't deny that I have a great deal of passing privilege that has made my life easier. I was AFAB and still identify as female. I wasn't born with ambiguous genitalia or subjected to lies and/or "corrective" surgery as a minor. There are plenty of other circumstances in my life, like poverty and disability, which people were free to assume were the reason I've never been in a long-term romantic relationship. I'm neither aro nor sex-repulsed, so I've never made an effort to stay out of conversations about celebrity crushes or the aesthetics of the human form. (Although, like a lot of ace folk of my generation, I grew up totally believing most people were really like me and just put on a show of being sex-obsessed because the media told hem they should be.) Now that so many married friends my age are divorced, my single state isn't even as as uncommon as it used to be. In addition, I'm a bit of a coward. I've seen other ace women have to deal with "jokes" and thinly veiled threats about "corrective r*pe," and as a survivor of childhood SA I was a bit panicky about having those directed at me, even if only online.

Secondly, I didn't discover my intersex condition or the terminology to describe my asexuality until adulthood. It was helpful TO ME to be able to understand myself though those lenses, but I wasn't so sure it made much of a difference to anybody else. I've been called attention-seeking for discussing my disabilities, medical issues, childhood experiences with abuse, etc., and it felt like I'd be inviting more of the same.

Thirdly, I know that some very outspoken people exist, both inside and outside the queer community, who don't think intersex or asexual people are "queer enough" to be included. I've heard everything from "It's only the LGBT that really count" to "How can you expect us to remember two more letters?" to "those things are about what you're NOT and not what you ARE." And I really don't take rejection well.

So, why have I decided to go ahead and "officially" come out? The past few years have seen some real threats against the progress we've made just in my lifetime. If there's one thing living in this century has taught me, it's that you can never sit back and take progress for granted. I'm having trouble finding the exact quote and its source, but somebody said something to me recently about democracy being to fragile to be left unattended, and it really stuck with me. I may only be one person, but I think I can probably be more useful if I stand up to be counted. I don't know, maybe I can't do anything more than I could when presenting as a straight ally, but if even one person takes what I say more seriously because they know where I'm coming from, and that I'm talking about my own experiences, I think it's worth it.

Anyway, here are my lame attempts to combine the intersex and ace flags. I've never been ashamed of what I am, but it does feel nice to openly show a bit of pride.

#lgbtqia+ #pride #pride 2022 #intersex #asexuality #asexual #ace #queer community

[akajustmerry]

Hey Merry, I hope you're doing well.

Sorry that I'm spamming you with this but could you maybe give advice to someone who's identified as a lesbian for many years but recently started questioning it? I'm really scared what would people think if I started dating a man. I feel like a fraud. Being queer is such an important aspect of my identity and also as a sa survivor it always deeply offended me when people assumed I'm only dating women bc of my past trauma. But now that I'm on the path of healing I think it's possible that I buried these feelings in myself bc of it. I'm also scared that my lgbt friends would think I don't deserve to be in the community anymore. I'm writing this to you bc I'm looking up to you in many ways and you make me believe it's ok to be bi and not in any way inferior to being gay. There are so many negative assumptions about bi people, I feel like it would be 'easier' for me to stop entertaining these thoughts and stick to this label...

If you don't feel like answering this question it's completely ok. Thank you for doing what you do (esp. gayv club) and take care. xx

hello!

i am so sorry you're struggling so much, but honestly what you're saying is really brave considering everything you've experienced and i think it's really amazing.

among many things, labels are there to help. just like any other element of ourselves they can also change over time. they're not binding contracts. they're outfits, something we can and do change when they no longer fit right. not everyone is born knowing their perfect fit. some of us take a while to find the right label. there's an attitude on this site that changing labels is bad and messy but real life is rarely so neat and one size doesn't fit all.

i'm not an sa survivor, so won't speak to the specifics of your healing, but i am really proud of how far you've come. healing and what that looks like is different for everyone. anyone with half a lick of decency would be happy for what you've discovered about yourself as you've healed. if your lgbt friends can't see that, they're probably not very good friends.

internalised biphobia and biphobia within the lgbt community is very real and i won't sugar coat that for you. there will be people who will say that your interest in men makes you less queer. these people are biphobic and are undeserving of your friendship. but rest assured there are still loads of lgbt folks who aren't biphobic. bisexuals and our experiences with gender and attraction are inherently queer. bisexuals have always been a part of lgbt movements and were at the forefront of its formation. that's a history to be proud of and a history that ties bisexuals to queer history as much as any other identity within the lgbt community.

i mean this sincerely and i know it sounds corny, but its not worth pretending to be something you aren't. ignoring yourself will make you unhappy and even if being bi is just something you personally recognise just for yourself and take your time coming out to others, that's okay. there's no wrong way to be bi, your journey is yours and the people who really care about you will be happy for you.

also, if you maybe use the bi label/try being with men, etc and find its not for you and you are actually a lesbian, that's cool too! try on all the outfits until you find one that fits. better to know than not. bi.org is a great site with tonnes of free resources to help out people questioning.

i'm really chuffed that you trust me with this question and i hope i've helped. thank you for your kind words about the pod and my work! x

#bisexuality #bi tag #lgbt