#not to mention that she literally has spoken about wanting to hide away / be private with her life since so many people are like the ones

[onawishingstar]

thinking about that one interview with lorde where taylor wasn't mentioned by name (but it was implied that it was about her) and she described having high profile friendships like this:

“It’s like having a friend with very specific allergies,” she told the publication in jest. “There are certain places you can’t go together. Certain things you can’t do. There are these different sets of considerations within the friendship. It’s like having a friend with an autoimmune disease.”

and i wonder how taylor feels in her friendships when people are following her and acting as if she's a zoo animal in a cage

#thinking about how famous she is and how some if it is detrimental to her romantic and platonic relationships and i just.. i can't imagine #how she feels bc she has nothing to feel bad about or sorry for when it's the paps and fans who are out of line and not respecting her #privacy and personal space like these people don't understand how harmful it is to have her location be outed when we know that there are #people are there who have threatened / have tried to harm her and her close family and friends #not to mention that she literally has spoken about wanting to hide away / be private with her life since so many people are like the ones #in the tiktoks and videos we've seen today #sorry for the rant it's just wild to me how people don't respect boundaries... no matter who they are

[sugar-petals]

sub!Yuzu | nsfw alphabet

🌹 NOTE ⇢ content for our fave figure skater, the legend himself. mr. yuzuru hanyu is 1000% dom candy and i’m here to honor it at length ⛸

— WORDS. 5k

tags + warnings. dom/sub dynamics, femdom!reader, role reversal hc, smut, kinks, cum play, spanking, sex toys, very freaky yuzu, kitten play, mdlb, crying kink, food play, prostate orgasms, bondage, some deeper stuff & angsty bits, asthma mention, aftercare

  A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Once the cat ears come off, who is Yuzuru Hanyu not to remain in character for a while. For the shits and giggles, and because it’s cozy. Once a catboy, always a catboy, it’s the law of the land. Curling up, kneading at you for the head pats and massages, you know the programme. 

Also: Yuzu is famously soft-spoken and always finds the right thing to say. So, stimulating conversation for the cooldown. This is literally so nice. He’s unafraid to reflect everything in detail, say what he preferred, what you could change up together, what he wants to try next. The afterglow is not just physical, as in you give him something to drink, it’s 70% verbal which is very important to him as a consistent habit.

Of course, not to forget: Always gotta have a Winnie Pooh plushie ready. He embraces it readily and, as we know him, does some roleplay right then and there. Yuzu, professional cutiepie he is, is the kinda sub who treats all plush and pillow stuff as alive and breathing. You as his domme are in on the play and also treat his things as holy as they are to him. That Yuzu lets you into that world is the biggest compliment you can possibly get. 

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

We all know Yuzu’s godly ass and thighs. Or the staggering waist and beautiful black hair that makes him a total bombshell in his classic comb-back styles. His face is soft and expressive and so damn unique, his legs muscular and long, his back and tummy chiseled, the list goes on and on. Jesus, he has so many great features. All body parts a masterpiece. That are all capable of god-tier contortionism on top of that, gotta mention it in passing. Just so you know if you haven’t seen him bend his every limb into directions you wouldn’t believe are humanly possible. 

Interestingly though. If he chooses, Yuzu picks his feet: They are his most important instrument and weak spot. His ankles are where the magic happens. So, you taking care of them a little would mean the world to him, imagine a candle light massage. Not to worry, no-gross-alert. Yuzu has perfect and cute feet. That’s gonna be a Victorian moment, oh my god I saw his ankles. For his partner, short and simple: He likes a shoulder to lean on. He loves being touchy in general, all body parts are amazing to him. Being in a profession that’s all about the physics, Yuzuru knows about the wonders of the body.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Certified king of cumsluts, doesn’t even hesitate. The more, the merrier. If he’s not covered in sticky stuff, Yuzu would be underchallenged. It’s less about the taste, texture or any degradation, for him it’s the playing around with his tongue. Somebody wants his mouth preoccupied. Give the cat his milk. Feed him his own cum mixed with yours. He’s gonna lap at it and swallow.

Since Yuzu’s dream is a mommy domme baking him something, he just loves the smell of dough and hazelnuts and cinnamon and everything — you know what’s coming: Imagine the food play. Nuts indeed. Anything that even remotely looks like a creampie is something he wants to get his lips on. And Yuzu is not the type to be a foodie at all, let that sink in. Sexual-looking food is just too big a temptation, though. And you spoiling him that way... oh my. Surefire way to end up in bed right after. 

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Has a butt plug collection. Once almost went on the ice with one in. The more you know. Also— this guy is the kinda type fantasizing to get absolutely railed on a bed of plushies. He has troubles suggesting it to you because he doesn’t want them to get actually dirty. But the idea gets the two of you kind of horny. Sometimes, a thought is better as a fantasy than actually executing it. You can use it for riling up’s sake, whispering it to him during dirty talk. How you’ll bounce on him and ruin him and milk him while he’s splayed out so innocently on your bed. I smell corruption kink. 

Another secret Yuzu keeps is just how much he changed his mind about wanting his partner to control everything in bed. He grew up with a pre-defined ideal type of a cute, nice skater girl who’d let the reins very loosely around him, who he can speak Japanese to because he had problems with English, who is small and someone he will protect. It wasn’t something based on experience and trying things out: It was simply expected of him. People wanted the domineering Yuzuru on ice to be that way in private, and make use of his power, be a man, savior, boss. 

The reality being: He never felt truly as tough on the ice, nor was he gender-conforming in person. In fact, that is what he became famous for, and it reassured Yuzuru very often how people would accept and actually celebrate this side of him. Which is so refreshing, and a sight to see. The side that was dorky, clingy, childish, gorgeous, and cute has always been there, but now he embraces it more as his comfort place. He has to know what he’s doing in his skating programme and show competitive spirit to achieve his dreams, but that’s where it stops.

His former ideals are something people wanted to hear, it was an adaptation of the environment rather than thinking it through on his own. So, years later — oh boy have things changed. Yuzuru no longer defines his ideal type that way, saying whoever he likes is someone he’d be with. What was a fantasy template and filter is now gone and adapted to his newfound, own preferences. Yuzu is comfortably open-minded rather than being a copy to mainstream. He found fun in speaking English, opened up to the world at large, had more girls around him who he could befriend, grew more confident in his stature, and is well aware — turns out he’s the cute one. Who needs to be taken under a wing. He likes strong-minded girls and says if he had a wife, she’d dominate him. Yuzuru secretly wants her to be in charge entirely, she owns his body and soul. Not in daily life where things are just normal and everyone goes about their business. Sexually, where he surrenders instead, and is taken care of.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

The tale of an introvert. What he knows — he hides it well. Has eyefucked a whole lot of people and is the type to lust like mad from a far distance, and nobody will ever know. Crushes harder than peppercorns in a mill. If he loves someone, it lingers in his mind every split second of the day, may god have mercy on him. And if you know him: Yuzu aims too high to keep it light and easy and clumsy. He hates being an amateur, he’s terrified of starting out something. He dreads not knowing what to do, how exactly to behave, talk, touch, breathe, respond, negotiate, prepare. That’s a hundred percent like hell to him.

Ironically, he has a natural feeling for it and he’s literally amazing in bed, has a sense for social interaction is all the way cute with something valuable to say. But what he believes is something way different. Yuzuru is a diehard, nervous perfectionist. He can only think of it as a rated performance since his mind usually has to work that way to skate well. His esteem is on a knife edge depending on how well he thinks he does. So, the inevitable: He will shy away from sex altogether. He draws immense skating passion from staying celibate, in fact it’s his success secret, but it still eats him up from the inside and makes him frustrated beyond measure. Not even for the pleasure, since he’s so ambitious that’s almost forgotten about, but for being told he did well. 

That’s how much he believes sex is a drill and capability test. And it’s sad that he thinks it’s like his skating career, racking up points for the impossible things judges want and being in a deadlock when it comes to showing his artistic side. He feels thrown into cold water if he doesn’t know everything beforehand. If he ever works up the courage, which probably won’t happen, he will pay an expert to learn from rather than let something all over the place happen with a random person or even someone he might like. 

Yes, you heard that right. He’d rather see a sex worker than ‘mess up’ his first time according to his sky-high standards. So, Yuzu’s experience remains limited since he’s so 100% do or die, and so anxious, and so torn about social interaction, he doesn’t get how his peers can be playboys and get married and flirt with someone they like and all that. He sort of has an easier time with guys, but girls... he can’t approach. To top it off, he also feels like he’d burden his first time one somebody or embarrasses himself, so he will reject and avoid suitors. Those are usually not the people he crushes so hard on to begin with. It’s bound to be one-sided and he knows, so he will abstain and focus on career and use the cheers of his fans as a substitute.

Truth is, he feels helpless and distant from sex sometimes, especially with his practice-heavy lifestyle and hyper-smart mind, Yuzuru has an intelligence that exceeds what most people can grasp. He’s alone on the ice and Brian as a coach is often the only reference person who truly gets him, and leads him well without being controlling. But that’s professional life. Sexually, Yuzuru is metaphorically: coachless. He surely observed it well when Javier (the #1 ladies man, his opposite) was still active and a social butterfly helping him fit in, but Yuzu would always be worried about his extreme fame and spotless image when introduced to someone fangirling over him. He’d rather prefer someone who comes across as a mentor and solid, loyal-to-death person to look up to. So he would do anything to have someone benevolent like that. Most girls would expect him to be the sex god and expert, but he knows that’s only half of the story and based on his characters on the ice. Yuzu crafts these to counterbalance how he really is — withdrawn and indirect. 

Yuzu is extremely calculating and selective, he scans suitors well, protects his reputation, and is mortified of failure. So, he’d rather learn it by the book and from someone he’s not emotionally attached to. In a one-night stand that might also be the case, but he doesn’t know what to expect, and he’s absolutely terrified of sudden sexual vulnerability. He himself often says he values his own struggle between feeling so weak and being strong again 

Besides: He’d have problems squeezing hookups into his schedule and lifestyle, he’d have to cut down on things and create a double life. Plus, Yuzu is famously inept with social interaction up close, he flees the noise and unpredictability. So, it’s better to have a long-term partner. If he doesn’t know something yet, he has it down in one day like the single axel. Definitely counts on his partner teaching him.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

We know Yuzu’s signature move is the lean-back Ina Bauer. So, whatever position allows for an arch is the real deal (cough, taking the strap — oh my god his ass is made for it). But anyway, he can pull off anything with that stellar flexibility and core strength. 

If I think about it. Yuzu might like sitting on your lap very much. I know it’s not a sex position, I mean it can be once his inner lapdancer awakens or you use a strap-on, I rather mean... just for some sweet moments and making out. But yeah: Fathom Yuzu gyrating on your like that. Not in an outright lascivious manner or Chippendales style. The Hanyu way, with embellishments and all the grace. This is gonna be a huge turn-on and perfect foreplay position.  

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Not much to elaborate here: Yep, Yuzu is true goofball indeed. Really flustered and clumsy when eye-to-eye in missionary, and yet: He’s ultra serious towards the end, there’s gonna be an aggressive staredown before cumming. The feeling gets pretty intense, his duality between silly and ‘yeah, give it to me’ is no joke.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Would probably die from inflammation if he shaved clean under those tight suits and did all these chafe-heavy skating routines. Doesn’t have a lot of body hair to begin with, but for pits and pubes, it’s alive, wild, and decently long. Out of all people, Yuzu cares particularly about aesthetics, but in this case pragmatism will prevail. He doesn’t care too much about it either as long as it doesn’t get in the way of something. Having sex with Yuzu tends to be well um well all about a hundred types of friction so any stubble would be a bad idea.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

You haven’t seen a guy in love like that. It’s a figure skater thing for sure. Since he works to portray these sentiments on the ice daily, hardly anybody can play up feelings so delicately and palpably like Yuzuru. Emotion is what his entire career is built on. He knows how to express himself directly, appropriately, intimately. Couldn’t be any more romantic. Yuzu can’t go without it. 

Very passionate, ‘for your eyes only’ kind of atmosphere. Yes, he shows off on the ice, it’s his job (although of course, that word doesn’t really sum up what skating means to him). But private Yuzu is someone you can claim as yours. He will make it clear, he wants to belong to you, he’s yours, dedicated, devotion is the entire point. Less with a slant of what some subs like, very hands-on ownership of a mistress. It’s more emotional. He’s really attached and all smitten. Your private little haven is everything to him. 

Talking about little: Yuzu can be quite a pillow prince sometimes. At least when the initiative doesn’t go back and forth as it frequently does, you often alternate with suggestions and ways of tweaking an ongoing play session. You blindfold him or tie his wrists, He might be standard tired from practice or just fascinated to watch you work your magic on him. 

He also likes music to set the tone for intimacy, who’s surprised. Prepare: Yuzu likes dramatic classical music all the way. He’s probably one of the few people who can make it more than ‘classy’ and definitely more than cringe. He selects pieces very well. This is gonna be a practice template to cum together when the music reaches its peak. Makes the whole thing full of adrenaline.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Lots of fun to him. Would beat it 24/7 if the ice wasn’t calling him. Drowns himself in lube. This guy’s me-time is so rated R, Cardi B would be inspired to remix WAP to wet ass penis as an anthem just for him. A dry dick is a ruined day for Yuzuru, as is a session without teasing his prostate in whatever way he currently fancies. Once he tried it, he never went back. The intensity knocking him out is something that Yuzu thinks about all the time. Strokes like a pro, does all these little moans, can do it forever, loves the feeling, chases the high. Adrenaline junkie on the ice? No different with his hand around his cock. 

Will masturbate everywhere in the house and has to really get his head in the game to make sure he won’t ruin any carpets. So, he always has at least two towels with him. In the kitchen, in front of the TV, in the shower, the bed. Watches his fair share of eclectic porn, he gets really desperate. Especially before you started dating, Yuzu would shut himself in until the lotion ran out. Can jack off to something romantic (he starts crying) or something extreme (he loves shocking himself and ). 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Very curious about sadomasochism. Googles a lot of things that make him hard during the day. Often jawdropped by his research, but once he tries things out with you, nothing can really shock him anymore. Absolutely wants to be collared, it’s his biggest fantasy. Another little secret he has, Yuzu is decked out in skating gloves, right. He wishes he could feel you wearing them, or he keeps them on for sex himself, the lacey transparent ones. Looks especially pretty when his wrists are tied so, major photograpy material. Oh yes, Yuzu likes the camera, he can work it. The guy is photogenic in any position and can strike any angle you want. Your phone background is a new Yuzu snapshot every week already, imagine your gallery, 5800 kinky pictures.  

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

I’m gonna say it. The frozen lake out of town, late at night, condoms and lube with you. A quickie that will leave your genitals frozen. Yuzu might get stuck inside you because it’s -15 Celsius. Call that fantasy on ice. Jokes aside: Come on, Yuzu is the biggest ever hermit homebody. The couch will have a bunch of indents after your week-long fucking sessions after he comes home training. Also, at his desk while he does work for university. You ride him, Yuzu studies. Double the ambition. His dick is completely sore. The lake out of town thing might go down, but without sex. Just skating together under the stars, Yuzu doing amazing spins and spirals around you, very very romantic.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Yuzu is a crazed Sagittarius. Have you seen these men? They just want it all. Must be the influence of Jupiter. Zeus was definitely vibing that way. And yes, Yuzu has borderline unhealthy gold medal thinking in bed. He wants to be not just good but damn good with pleasing you. If you don’t have a good time and head home without an orgasm, he’ll consider himself a failure. Yuzu won’t cut himself any slack there. You’d have a hard time changing his ways into something more chill and moderate. Instead, you will see the benefits of rolling with it once you see how improvement fuels him and does make sex really mindblowing.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Couldn’t do things like slapping you, spanking. Yuzu makes for a terrible daddy dom, it’d not suit him.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Cum-dripping oral mess, Yuzu is the brave kind. Totally into it, and can’t resist a good blowjob. Will act different afterwards, there’s a lot of erotic tension. “This evening again?” is what those eyes are saying.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Outstanding kinesthetic intelligence. Every inch of his body follows his intent, and yours if you have him take on certain ways of kneeling. Yuzu can do it all, whatever you want. Tantalizing, moderato, overwhelmingly fast. He can take it, he can portray it. And knows the value of a pause like a true connoisseur. Not just when he wants to prevent cumming early, also just because the moment is right. That’s why cockwarming is a staple, as well as you having him wait patiently for kisses. To top it off: If you give him a blowjob, building up the tension by doing nothing is damn effective. The ruined orgasms you’re gonna give him... delicious.

Everything’s gonna have nice transitions as well, no awkward climbing and rolling and tangling limbs. If he gets something from another room that you need, no slouching. The university course as good as the extracurricular activities. Being inconsistent with any subsidiary details? Not in the Hanyu household, he’s keeping it classy. Yuzu feels like if he makes the bridges to new positions even remotely messy, the feeling is killed and it’s as if he’d break character mid-skate. Although he’ll have to practice and refine and test a lot of things because he’s not super experienced and adapting to your own movements is an individualized thing to do, he’s a masterclass of quality, period.

Even when things get fast and heated, nothing feels off. Having that kind of body smartness also means: Yuzu learns by touch, whatever you do. He knows by the way you pull his hair what comes next. How much saliva drips off your tongue when you suck at his neck, he knows how hard you’ll to ravage him in five minutes. This guy observes things you aren’t even conscious of because his physical understanding is just so fine-tuned.

The sense of rhythm, and every skating programme of him will showcase that, unbeatable. Unless his mood is really impacted by something severe, your guy feels it in every bone. He’s an artist, after all, he listens to music all the time. Dissecting rhythms to turn them into movement is what his line of work is all about. The pace will always fit the mood. Everything is precise, but never crude. Instead, the way he moves is dictated by an inherent flow. With little accents that match right with any thrust, like putting his hands on your sides when you’re on top of him.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Hit it Shakira: Whenever, wherever! He seemingly carries an entire condom factory with him. Or, to be more exact: At least three of them.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

This one’s a complicated case. Yuzu being reckless on the ice may or may not mirror in your private life. He might need some downtime, so bring out the soft domme stuff. No trial and error stuff, just going through a routine of things you love the most. On the other hand, he always gives it all. This guy’s endurance at your hands is amazing. Advanced kinds of BDSM he will not feel deterred from at all. Rough toys, anal hooks, sounding, whips, why not is Yuzu’s motto. But then again. He has such a confusing mix of innocence and feeling like he’s completely hardcore. You might end up experimenting a lot, but also not daring the leap sometimes because the mood is different. And then rather go for softer hours, where Yuzu will be all shy shy and more bursting with excitement than ever. A good, interesting mix is what I’m saying.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Yuzuru, once he gets a bit of practice to gauge the situation... Viagra on two legs, absolute unexpected powerhouse. You might end up pondering to work out a little and go for a run because this guy is in a consistently outstanding shape to say the least. Olympic athletes are literally hard to fuck with. And since Yuzu is starfishing sometimes (which is very adorable), or he’s in bondage for some time, that presents a further problem: For a second round, he’s full of energy, while you already spent energy. So, you alternate with who’s active, and the other leans back entirely. He has to remind himself since his body is programmed for it: This is no contest — the point is feeling good.

You might ride him reverse cowgirl all the way while you watch TV, and after the overstimulation fades he will eat you out ad nauseam, full course slobbering, sweeping the whole menu. That way, it’s less about keeping up with him, which would be hard for most people not doing sports at his galactic level. He understands, Yuzu knows he’s not normal in that regard, you don’t have to worry. Some exercise still doesn’t hurt, just to further increase the quality of sex anyway.

Then again: Why go jogging and do some laps wasting valuable together time when Yuzu’s lap is the best workout? And running doesn’t guarantee your stamina in bed is perfect even if it does help. You rather wanna manage how to draw out the arousal. It’s a self-control thing, with the goal of having you match up in every aspect as good as you can. In which case, you can count on him to pull it off: Have you seen Yuzu doing jumps side by side with a bunch of female skaters? Copy paste. This guy knows how to synchronize with the ladies.

Something that has to be mentioned beside that, though. Yuzu has asthma since 2 years old, and it’s often a mind thing to him still these days. He doesn’t let it stop him from sleeping with you because as always, he’s not letting anything get in his way. He has learned to live and thrive with it. But you both have to mind the possibility of an attack, he prevents it with inhalers, and the mood plays a crucial role. Yuzu being comfortable and confident is so important to his breathing, and keeping a good rhythm rather than being chaotic in bed. So, you will plan most of your sexual activities rather than improvising. 

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Would stuff an entire sex shop into his every available orifice. Yuzu is a toy freak, he wants to try everything. Motto: a new one every day. Well, almost. But he can afford it. Buys stuff he uses solely on himself, things you use on him, things he uses solo and you use on him, and as the cherry on top, every possible high end vibrator on the market for you. Any size, too. This bitch will browse through the latest innovations, prepare to get off. He’s obsessed with seeing you use it on yourself. Yuzu owns a separate phone just for videos of you buzzing your clit, and him fingering you for minutes and minutes. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Extremely so. Loves to be a total brat only to get put into his place. He does it so you’ll pull the chin grab on him. He likes getting choked out as a punishment as well. Yuzu also tends to be very around the corner if you will when it comes to soft subbing, he lays over expecting cuddles but doesn’t say so. Buds his head against your chest, nuzzles, and so on. Lighter forms of teasing come to him very easily. Loves to prompt. Roughhousing, banter, favorite thing.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Moderately loud because his voice is very very light, but unsurprisingly — he’s just beautiful. What a nice tone. Gorgeous whimpering sounds. And when you go hard on him, voice cracks! And really heavy breathing. What’s gonna be the most striking though is his expressiveness. We know it from the ice and interviews, and he can really amp it up even further. No need for screaming, that face will speak the volumes.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

You’ll be blessed with him if you have a huge crying kink. Yuzu definitely opens the waterworks every other week in bed. Happy tears, horny tears, relief tears, aftercare tears, orgasm tears, masochist tears, romantic tears, subspace tears, he has it all. He also begs for the type of pain that makes it stream down his face for minutes. He’s touchy-feely all the way and feels like he can really connect with you that way.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

His ass twitching is kind of a spectacle, but I don’t have to tell you, do I. Yuzu has muscles for the gods in there. So voluptuous, you can’t call it any other way. Big booty boyfriend, Jesus you can show him off, he loves it. Around the house, he will flaunt them big ole athlete buns in particular, acting like it’s unintended. Um, Yuzu, those are joggings. Smack it, he is sure to moan. 

And may I respectfully mention as well — this guy has some major big ass balls figuratively and literally. How else would someone be motivated to jump a triple axel like it’s nothing. Not kidding, they’re big and round and ugh. His love for tight pants doesn’t help. He knows what your eyes like and dresses just to flex the goods. Screams for more spanking and pinching if you ask me. Yuzu is definitely serving it. Well-endowed, you lucky girl.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Mega horny, ready when you are. On a scale from zero to hundred? Breaching into the 90 percent right there. Yuzu’s hormones are literally insane. On paper he’s 26, but his dick wants the 18th birthday party. Jesus is he gonna be clingy when he’s in the mood. All wrapped around you in a backhug in the kitchen or when you iron a costume of his, and that’s sexy of him. He’s not gonna hide what’s filling out those sweatpants. He’ll desperately grind up against you like it’s Christmas.

Paired with his puppy eyes and little “Do you have some time... I’ll iron this tomorrow” — instant pounce. He’s admittedly a bit hard to keep up with sometimes, though. The reason: With that level of exercise, he has major pent-up energy. That machine is definitely running. Heavy sports changes your hormones, nervous system, and especially blood flow. Now take that to the scale of his performances and regimens? That equals a firework of horny. No wonder he masturbates all the time.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Takes some time. He cools down, sweats it out, chugs water. However, don’t underestimate how tired Yuzu can already be. His daily routines and competitions have a toll on him. Ironically, he’s not a deep sleeper, however. Yuzu might toss and turn and have sudden energy bursts, or ideas, or gets hungry. So, he needs his plushies, he needs a weighted blanket, warm pajamas, a hot cup of his favorite warm drink, a light snack, and you by his side. Spooning him excessively and sometimes even humming to him. Yuzu looks like a certified angel on his pillow, his well-deserved rest from everything is so important, too.

NOTE - hope i could indulge you, thank you for reading!

© 2017-2021 submissive-bangtan. all rights reserved. no reposts allowed. depictions fictional.

#yuzuru hanyu #figure skating #yuzuru hanyu smut #yuzuru hanyu smut alphabet #yuzuru hanyu x reader #sub!yuzuru hanyu #sub!yuzu #dom!reader #fs #smut alphabet #smut abc #smut a-z

[kuekyuuq]

Gloria, Jet-lags and Imps [6x11]

Let’s jump right in:

Kinda love how Kara lamp-shaded addressed the fact she didn't tell the gang about her adventures in the PZ. She’s not wrong, tho.

...what do I want to say about Mxy using what's basically a well-known gay-anthem to tell his tale? I mean, it didn’t lead anywhere. The original song is about freeing oneself, liberation, stepping out of a (gone bad) relationship and moving on, stronger for it - empowerment. The only connection I could make, is that originally it was Nyxly’s aim to just do that (freeing herself and her kind from an oppressor), but in the way Mxy performed it, that part of the parallel was long over before he even reached the chorus. It’s also a popular Karaoke song, tho, so... he chose it because it’s catchy? I’ll try not to overthink it for now. At least, the Superfriend’s reactions were fun.

Nia exiting the elevator, "And what's this Old Stone?" I love it when ppl enter a room / situation and pick up on words that they couldn't have possibly heard. I think cinema sins ding such... Are we to assume, she dreamed Mxy's rendition of ‘I will survive’? Or is the elevator not sound-proof at all? (If it’s the latter, Nia later apparently telling Brainy “in private” between scenes / during the elevator ride about her Nyxly adventures, was a silly thing to do.)

So, "Jared" created the ring Old Stone to rule them all, it got shattered into the Paragons totems? Nyxly needs the totems and to get them she needs a crystal which also belonged to "Jared" - who happens to be Mxy's ancestor, which is why she needs Mxy / his blood, too.

I have one important and incredibly relevant question here, tho... 

With the introduced imps and their names... Why’s dude named Jared of all things?!

Really, did I mishear that? If so, I’ll leave it as is and never edit, bc that would be hilarious in its own right 😋

...

Not sure what to make about Supergirl paraphrasing a Dirty Dancing quote.  "Nobody puts Mxy into a power crystal on my watch."  ...is he Baby now? (Seriously, though: Which of the writers thought that was a fitting quote to use in that particular context?)

...now, is the exposition section of the episode over yet?

Sensitive Brainy sensed something was up with Nia. He can relate... Nia doubting Kara would understand, too, is ridiculous. But I get it... insecurities and all. But, I mean, just 5 minutes later Kara announces she wants to save Nyxly despite her wrongdoings. And yet Nia still remains convinced, Kara wouldn’t forgive her own personal mini-me... After having witnessed Kara forgiving Lena for a whole season of the writers being stupid messing up to the nth degree. But I digress, Lena’s Lena.

...how old is Nia meant to be again? Just asking out of completely unrelated curiosity.

F*ck. They really went with NewFoundland...

Imma assume it was an executive choice after realizing they couldn’t find enough actors and actresses with a convincing Irish accent... maybe. Again, no offense to Newfoundland! Just... we got the insinuations of Ireland, not Newfoundland... And truthfully, when I think of magic, Ireland is an easy association. Whereas I only due to this whole debacle learned Newfoundland has Irish ancestry. So, okay, the show forced me to learn something new... I give ‘em that.

An easy journey, she said.

Lena's been off-screen for two whole episodes, Kara announcing at the beginning of ‘Dreamweaver’ [6x09] Lena being “back east” (at least insinuating Lena’s left the west-coast already), which span over at least one full day (feat. a scene at night), and ‘I still rise’ [6x10] at least another a whole day (the whole Nia’s mom back for a day deal). And, now, after at least 48 hours she barely just arrived.

Lemme check how long a regular plane would need to fly from California to NFL......... ... .. .. So... approx. 10 hours with at least one layover. 

Yeah, using a private jet made it easier, but apparently also much, much slower...

Or, Lena randomly went some other places / did some sight-seeing in NFL before she decided to finally visit her mother’s hometown...  [Either that or the timelines don’t match up and Lena’s scenes are flashbacks of sorts.]

Optimistic and relaxed Lena is a sight to behold. I rewound 3 times, just to enjoy it for as long as possible. We all knew it was going to be short-lived... 

Let’s check off a few more items...

OMG, Kara hiding behind Alex at the mere sight of the PZ-projector broke my heart!  😢

"Elisabeth Walsh" is the new 'the one you shall not name'. ...poor Lena. 😭

Oh, so Mxy wants to be Patrick Swayze instead of Baby... gotcha.

...is this going anywhere?

KITTY!!! Okay, this must be the best opponent in the history of CWSG. 

Despite the horrible CGI, SG using her heat-vision to project a laser-beam to distract the cat had me in (happy-) tears! 🤣

Gotta love the civilians of National City quickly returning to business as usual once the giant cat is gone. Even the police officers looked rather chill...

Nyxly did look fabulous this episode ^^ 

Andrea being Lena's rock is both great and annoying. I can't fault Andrea. It's just, that we still have to see an on-screen interaction between Lena and Kara and that bugs the heck out of me. I can’t help it. I’m sorry, Andrea.

Nia: "...is my fault." Kara: "Nu, is MY fault!" J'onn: "Stop fighting, kids!" Space-dad has spoken.

Mxy used an LuthorCorp copy machine... and of cos it's faulty. It's not an L-Corp product.

Kara forgiving Nia came as a surprise to her... Oooookay. I mean, the show has been writing Kara a bit inconsistently the past two seasons... so, yeah, maybe being unsure which of her traits apply this week was not such a far stretch...

Maybe it's the hair, but I wished, Florence was played by Alex Kingston.

So, not-Alex-Kingston shows Lena herself with a funny wig and tells her how her mother was still watching her...

If it wasn't for Katie's acting skills (I love her.) I would have already hit my head against the wall repeatedly. Something about these scenes had me constantly cringe and I made it through 5.5 seasons of this show already... Can’t quite put my finger on it, but it was highly distracting from the story that explained Lena’s mom was special even to another witch, where there was domestic abuse, and an accidental murder. Y’know, important stuff, deep-cutting stuff! 

At least, poor widddle Lena got some closure there. Elisabeth was a good cookie. And filled with magic. And Lena’s gotta have that ‘spark’, too... 

....so... Lena’s gonna stay in NFL for how much longer, to train becoming a witch?  Please, just hand her a how-to manual and send her back home, to figure it out on her own, please... (Yes, that would be horrible decision-making, but I need her back with the team!)

On to the finish line: 

So... Mxy IS Nyxly's brother? Wait, that doesn’t sound right... then Nyxly would have the same blood... Did I miss something? Can someone explain, please? Or is he her ex, and that’s where his rendition of “I will survive” makes sense?

Hnn... I can't help, but think Kara's speech for Nyxly was 85% based on her experiences with Lena in s05.

Awww... he said "stronger together"... Mxy... I hope, you'll be okay!

Lena believes in magic now. And I absolutely love how Lena wants to science magic XD

...but apparently magic isn’t science that hasn’t been explained yet, but parallel... powers? concepts? ether strings?

Nyxly has a loyal henchman now. Which was a bit heavy-handed. Took way too much of screen-time, so it better leads to something interesting.

And Kara is on a warpath now. Wooooot! Girl’s got enough.

...what else? 

Did I miss a third Patrick Swayze hint / quote / mention?  I learned, these things come in threes... Y’know, basic writing rules... 

I guess, for once the episode title was meant to be taken literally, Mxy popping up between characters, to try and help. (I need in-show footage, of Mxy sneaking up on ppl, without his powers, on all fours / crouched, just to get the desired effect.) I mean, I’ve never really watched Malcom, but wasn’t he like what Mxy usually is? A bit of a trouble-maker, prankster, chaos-ensuing wherever he goes? ...well, in that case, the episode title didn’t hold up, as Mxy’s scenes were not fun or really goofy. Yes, there was some superficial humor, but just to serve Mxy dealing with not being able to use his powers, which in turn was only barely scratched at (although it turned out to be his final character development crisis, appreciating not having powers and - in turn - facing consequences for once). Again, a whole lot going on in the episode, so a lot of that may have ended up on the cutting-room floor.

...where’s Kelly? Secretly adopting a kid, maybe?

...Kara’s still a reporter, right? I mean, whenever it serves the immediate plot, yes? ...Not even a throw-away line, that she has to pop up at CatCo for appearances sake? Since Andrea is already upset with her AND looking into her friends’ identities? At least, Kara should take a peek to make sure Andrea hasn’t uncovered anything yet... No?

Well, that’s all I’ve got for now. Kue out.

#Supergirl #supercorp #Mxy in the middle #6x11 #mxy #nyxly #lena luthor #magic #lena's mom #fiction dissected #fandom #episode #Nia nal #dreamer #brainy #brainia

[judediangelo75]

Her Fear, His Truth

Hi~

So I did feel a bit of inspiration to right this random as I’m teetering on the edge of falling into a food induced coma. But I’m fine, I want to write more Talith (Talbott x Judith). This is going to taking place after the whole “Without You/The Man Behind the Necklace” series (that I might edit, don’t quote me.)

For those who are familiar with my MC and the building lore I’m trying to create here, her fear is the words “I love you”. She fears them because the people who cares leaves her alone and the person whose suppose to love her (AKA her mother) loathes her very existence. So if anyone tells her those words, she most likely lash out.

This is what I’m covering here. This is happening in 6th year when Talbott finally corners his evasive girlfriend to talk about what happened.

Warning: Mentions of suicide attempt

-----------------------------------------

Talbott understood more than anyone how valuable personal space was. 

Which was why he didn’t hover over his girlfriend.

She only woke up just a few days ago from her coma, took her older brother to the cemetery where their father had been laid to rest, and found out she and Jamal have a half-brother. All in the same day.

He was okay with giving her some breathing room until she came to him to talk. Only...

She didn’t.

He had an inkling of a feeling that she was purposely avoiding him. He still remember telling her the words that have been residing in his heart for quite some time.

“I love you, little bird...”

While he didn’t outwardly show it, he was emotional for the week Judith been asleep. He never knew that she felt so strongly to try to kill herself. He felt like he failed her as her boyfriend. He known her ever since third year, even crossing paths with her unknowingly from childhood.

He never felt the connection he felt with anyone else.

She has been a constant ever since re-entering his life. Her absence for the week she’s been staying in the Hospital Wing was unsettling. 

He missed seeing her in his classes.

He missed seeing her during lunch where they would sneak off into one of his hiding spots for a private lunch.

He missed her smile. Her laugh. Her sassy eyerolls. Her voice. 

He missed her. 

Everyday, he would visit with a bouquet of flowers, spending time in her presence to ease the ache in his chest.

He still remembers the first night of her in the Hospital Wing, he snuck out to be next to her. With no prying eyes of their friends, Talbott finally submitted to his tears. He held her unresponsive body in his arms, silently pleading to her to stay.

To stay with him.

He already lost his parents years ago. He was determined to keep everyone else from entering his heart again.

Until he met her again. 

Something about her pale gold eyes was familiar to him, but he wasn’t sure from where.

He got his answer when he followed her to the cemetery. Met the man who was his parents’ oldest friend from when they went to Hogwarts. The same man he remembered from that one day from his childhood.

Kendrick Harris, his girlfriend’s beloved father.

When he realized that she was the same little girl he told his secret to, who he taught how to waltz, who gave him an odd but warm feeling in his heart...

The pull was undeniable.

He forgot about keeping his distance. Forgot about keeping others out of his heart. He wanted to try to put the pieces together to what this feeling meant. They became close. Friends even.

Until he realized he couldn’t see her as that. Talbott remembered the intense ugly feeling he felt when he spied Judith with Andre in the Courtyard when flying overhead in the Courtyard during the Celestial Ball. 

Especially when Andre kissed her.

That feeling, he came to realize, was jealousy. He couldn’t bear to see them any more and flew away.

He was convinced that they would be the perfect couple. Both are fashionable, athletic, intelligent, well-known students in his year. It would make sense for them to be together. 

After all, Talbott was a loner who preferred to company of a good book, birds, or himself. He heard some whispers from students about being the long lost cousin of the owls that live in the Owlery. Didn’t help that he was basically built like a Bowtruckle.

Why in the seven hells would Judith look at him like that when there was Andre? 

But she saw something in him. Something that made her choose him over someone who would be considered her perfect match. 

Which was why they got closer. 

Their first date. Being each other’s Valentines. Becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. Making their relationship public at the Festival.

Talbott knew he basically fell for the girl over the years. Accepting that he was in love with her when he gave her the heart statue.

She’s the only one who trusts with his heart. A heart that was holding on by a thread.

Her suicide attempt made him realize that he never told her the words that lived in his heart for so long. Why he told her as soon she was in his arms.

But she hasn’t said anything back, only squeezing him silently.

Now he barely could see his girlfriend since then, and Talbott has had it.

He had David send her a fake note, asking her to meet him in the Courtyard at night. 

He stayed hidden in his Animagus form, waiting for the familiar shape of his little bird to step out into the moonlight.

He didn’t have long to wait.

Judith silently walked into the still Courtyard, gold eyes scanning the area for her friend.

She figured he had something important to tell her why they couldn’t just do it in their Common Room. 

“David? Are you here,” she called out quietly, hand on her wand just in case. She just by the fountain when someone spoke. 

“David isn’t here, but I am.” Judith sharply inhaled at the sound of her boyfriend’s voice. She silently cursed when she realized that she’s been set up.

But she couldn’t get mad.

She has been avoiding the Ravenclaw loner. With all of that has been going on lately, the biggest bombshell was his confession.

Something she feared when she realized her Patronus changed that night.

She couldn’t look at him. Not because she was disgusted with him or that she repelled by him.

No.

It was because she was terrified. Knowing she would be forced to deal her reality, her fear, just like when she faced her Boggart in third year.

She swallowed the lump in her throat. 

“T-Talbott. What are you doing here,” she asked, her voice trembling ever so slightly. Enough for the wizard to notice. Talbott walked up, resting a gentle hand on her shoulder. He noted how tense she felt under his palm.

“Judith, look at me,” he muttered softly. Judith bit her lip, unwilling to move from her position. Talbott sighed, walking around so he could face her. Only for Judith to lower her head.

“Judith, look at me,” he said again, an inkling of desperation and agitation could be heard in his voice. Judith still hasn’t made a move or spoken.

“Little bird-”

“Don’t call me that.” Talbott stared at the Hufflepuff witch with wide eyes. He could practically feel the temperature drop due to her icy tone.

“And why not,” he asked, holding her hand. Something was wrong, something that made him feel like she was withdrawing from him.

He bestowed that nickname onto her when she transformed into her Animagus form. He found it fitting and has been calling her that since third year. Hell even longer than that.

To suddenly to stop calling her that... it was like she trying to break the bond that they’ve created since they were children.

He refuses to let that go, he refuses to let her go.

“I-I...” Judith struggled to get the words out. She wasn’t looking at him, but she can feel the heartbreak and longing in his beautiful gaze. She stiffened when she felt his arms wrap around her, pulling her close to his chest. It was when she heard it.

“I love you, Judith...”

Talbott wasn’t prepared to feel the air literally knocked out of him as Judith punched him in his stomach repeatedly. But he didn’t let go of the suddenly emotional Hufflepuff.

“Don’t fucking tell me that! Let go of me! Let go!” Judith’s voice morphed, bringing back that familiar accent he remembered from childhood. It was also thick with sadness and fear.

“No, Judith. Please talk to me,” he pleaded weakly, trying to regain his breath. Judith never has hit him before, but something told him it wasn’t intentional. Judith melted, ceasing the attack on his torso.

“Don’t tell me you love me, Talbott. Please,” she begged, finally looking the wizard in the eye. Talbott was shocked to find so much pain and fear in her otherworldly irises. 

“Why, Judith? Please tell me, little bird,” Talbott answered in kind, cupping her cheek so he could hold her gaze. He was desperate to understand why she didn’t want him telling her how he felt about her. Why she wanted to pull away when he uttered those three little words.

He wanted understand why she wanted him to let her go.

“I... I wouldn’t be able to handle it if you left me too,” she whispered. Judith knew she couldn’t escape her boyfriend. He wasn’t going to let her.

“I would never leave you, darling,” he whispered, trying to pull her close. Judith shook her head, pressing her hands against his chest.

“Everyone who told me those words leaves at some point, Talbott,” Judith mumbled, feeling the familiar burn in her eyes. 

“Everyone. My grandmother, my father, even my brother... People I love always leave. I... I... I love you too much for you to do the same...” Red eyes widen at her confession. 

She loves him...

Judith gasped when a pair of lips claimed hers. She stared through teary eyes as Talbott kissed her. She felt as if all her strength was sapped from her, she couldn’t find strength in her limbs to push him away. 

A weak moan escaped the back of her throat as she felt his teeth sink into the soft flesh of her bottom lip. A shiver ran down her spine when she felt the stone of the fountain press against her back.

“Talbott,” she squealed when she felt him hoist her up by her thighs. Her legs immediately locked around her boyfriend’s waist. A flush colored her cheeks as she stared into half-lid red eyes.

“Say it again,” he whispered, pressing closer. This was the first time they ever been in such a... intimate position. Judith was finding hard to think.

“W-Wha-Mhm?!” A heated kiss was pressed onto her lips. As quickly as it started, it ended.

“Say it again, little bird,” Talbott pressed. Understanding what her boyfriend was getting at, Judith bit her kiss swollen lips. 

“I... I-I love you,” she whispered quietly, looking down. The Ravenclaw wizard wasn’t having it, taking a hold of his girlfriend’s chin so she can look at him.

“Again,” he said. 

“I love you,” she repeated again, a little louder.

“Again.” Judith suppressed a growl, confused as why Talbott seem dead set on hearing her saying that one phrase.

“I love you, Talbott!” Talbott kissed her again, this time softer. The Hufflepuff didn’t resist, wrapping her arms around her love’s neck as small tears escaped the corners of her eyes. They pulled apart after a few moments.

“I love you too, Judith...” came the soft reply. 

“It’s always been you, Judith. I would never want to leave you, not now. Not ever. I know you fear loving others, I can see it in your eyes. But let me show you that it’s worth it. I know if your grandmother and father had a choice, they would still be here with you. While I can’t speak for Jamal, I know he loves you enough to risk his life for you. His little sister. They will always love you. I will always love you and I’ll try my hardest to stay by your side. Please, little bird, don’t shut me out. Don’t be afraid to love,” Talbott said. He watched as her pale gold eyes became misty with tears, trickling out her eyes like small rivers. 

But she held his gaze.

“I...” Talbott held his breath as he waited for her trail off. If she ended things between them, he knew his heart wouldn’t recover from this.

He loves her. Truly. Deeply.

“I trust you, Talbott... and I love you,” Judith said in a hush tone. She couldn’t deny the emotion in his eyes. Or the feeling that exists in her wounded heart.

She wants to love and be loved. And here was someone who was willing to accept her love and to give it back to her in return.

Unconditionally.

As if to cement her words, Judith pressed her lips against Talbott’s.

“I love you... I love you... I love you...” she whispered against his lips after each kiss. Talbott melted against his little bird, sighing.

This where he was meant to be.

“I’m with you, Judith. Forever and always, darling...”

#hphm #hphm mc #hphm jacobs sibling #Jacobs sibling #jacob's sister #hufflepuff!mc #Judith Harris #hphm talbott #hphm talbott winger #talbott winger #talbott x mc #talbott x jacob's sibling #talbott winger x mc #talbott winger x jacob's sibling #talith #ravenclaw x hufflepuff #Harry Potter Hogwarts mystery

[theydontknowaboutusimagines]

“It’s You”- Harry Styles One Shot

Request: I'm a sucker of the stories with the theme Best friends to lovers so a story were the protagonist is Harry's Best Friend way back before the X-Factor like they always had that chemistry between them that people that they don't know that are just friends think that they're together even Harry's girlfriends get jealous of their relationship that they always wanted to separate them with ultimatums or lies and gossip but he always choose her and eventually they get together.

**

Everyone always has those friends who have been in their lives for as long as they can remember. Sometimes they lose touch, or move on, but sometimes they’re closer than ever. Sometimes, neither one could ever picture a life without them in their lives. Luckily, your friendship with Harry, your best friend, was the latter. 

The two of you met on the first day of primary school, both of your parents had shown up to drop you off at the same time. You were nervous about leaving your mother, but you were also excited to meet new friends. When you had gotten to the school parking lot, you had notice a young boy about your age clingy onto his mother’s hand as they walked towards the school. 

He was sniffling a bit and hiding behind her leg mumbling about not wanting to go. You weren’t sure what came over you, but you let go of your mother’s hand to walk over to the boy and his mother. 

“Hi,” you said softly. “I’m Y/N. What’s your name?” 

The little boy looked at you before tucking his head back into his mother’s skirt. 

“Harry, why don’t you tell her your name,” his mother said softly. 

“You just did,” he mumbled. 

“Sorry, he’s a little nervous about his first day,” his mother told you. 

“Hey! It’s my first day too,” you smiled. “Do you want to be my friend? That way it won’t be so scary.” 

At the sound of being friends, the little boy stepped out from behind his mother and looked at you. 

“O-Okay,” he nodded. “I’m Harry.” 

You smiled walking over to him and taking his hand in yours, “Well, Harry we’re going to be best friends!” 

And just like that they two of you walked into the school building and the rest was history. 

**

Of course, there were times when you worried about your friendship with Harry, especially when he left to audition for the X Factor and technically never came back home. He had become one of the worlds biggest pop stars in the biggest band. Harry was traveling on tour to some of the most amazing cities, while you were back home finishing your education and achieving your own dreams. 

But nevertheless, you two stayed in touch. While you may not have spoken on the phone everyday, you two would text one another or send stupid videos or updates to check in with each other. You did have a rule that you would talk via the phone or video messaging at least once a week and for the most part that happened all the time. 

Whenever you had breaks from school, you had joined Harry on tour a few times and then whenever he was home, you two hung out as much as you could. The only times that really took its toll on your friendship was whenever Harry was in a relationship. 

You would admit it felt weird whenever you met his girlfriends or the people he was interested in dating because most of the time they were also famous. Which made sense, since your best friend was also extremely famous, but you never saw him as that, you just saw him as Harry. 

During the few times you would spend time with Harry and whoever he may have been dating at the time, you could sense they didn’t like you or at least you being around. You weren’t sure if it was because you weren’t famous yourself, even though you were  a pretty well known writer for a few top blogs and magazines, or if it was because of your relationship with Harry. 

Unfortunately, in almost every relationship you were a problem, but you never realized just how much until his most recent one. She was the most vocal about her dislike for you and by vocal it means posting on social media. Nothing was ever bluntly about you, as in she never tagged you mentioned your name, but things that were posted could easily be insinuated to be about you. 

Shit officially hit the fan one night while Harry was on tour for his first solo album. Harry had invited you to join him for a few shows in the States and when you said you weren’t sure because of your work obligations, he told you to come anyway and write a review on the show and it would be like a work thing. In the end, you agreed because you really missed your best friend and plus his shows were always fun. 

What neither of you counted on, or at least what you did count on was his girlfriend showing up. As soon as she saw you, you could tell she was pissed. You internally rolled your eyes as you sipped on your drink. Up until Harry needed to get changed to go on stage, she was literally all over him. It was almost like she was trying to make you jealous. 

Not that you would be, he was your best friend. There was nothing romantic going on between the two of you. Nothing, even though maybe, perhaps, you would have liked there to be. It wasn’t that you had a crush on your best friend or that you were secretly and desperately in love with him, it was just everyone around you, even your mother, had talked about the two fo you being together for years that made you just wonder what if. 

Usually, at the bare mention of it, you would roll your eyes, but it was until when you were out to dinner with Gemma and some friends and they were trying to hook you up with someone. One of your friends had mention what you looked for in a guy or what you wanted in a boyfriend, so you told them without hesitation all the qualities that were attractive to you. 

“So, my brother,” Gemma stated. 

“Wait? What?” You asked. 

“Literally every single thing you listed can be found in my brother,” she said. 

“Be honest, Y/N, have the two of you never hooked up or talked about it?” one of your friends asked. 

“Nope,” you said. “We’re friends, that’s it. Besides he’s with someone and he seems to really like her, therefore he has no romantic feelings towards me and I don’t have any for him.”

“Yeah, I don’t know about that,” Gemma mumbled throwing back another drink. 

Ever since that night, you have sort of pictured what it might be like and if in fact he had every single quality you wanted in a man. Which, of course he did, but that didn’t mean he was the person for you. Anyway, you could tell Harry was either annoyed or embarrassed by the actions of her because he couldn’t get to the dressing room fast enough. 

She gave you a bit of a smirk before gluing her eyes to her phone. 

“Someone doesn’t seem to like you, “Jeff whispered. 

“What was your first clue?” You scoffed. 

“You know they're all jealous,” he said. 

“Of what?” You asked. 

“Because they know Harry would easily chose you over them,” he said. “In fact, he has multiple times.” 

“What do you mean?” You asked. 

“Do you know how many times his exes asked him to stop inviting you to places or talking to you because it wasn’t fair to them?” He asked. “Every single one and every single time he said if he was going to have to choose, he would choose you.” 

“Really?” You asked. 

He nodded. 

“Wow, I had no idea,” you said. 

“You’re very important to him, Y/N, I hope you know that,” he said. 

You nodded, “I do. He’s important to me, too.” 

“And that’s why I like you,” he smiled wrapping his around you. 

You laughed hugging him back. 

Later that night, after getting side glares from the girlfriend, you all were going out after, but she had other plans. 

“You know, the restaurant we’re going too, is very, uh, expensive,” she said. “I’m not sure everyone will be able to afford it,” she said looking right at you. 

“I can afford it just fine,” you told her. 

“Let me guess because of Harry,” she said. 

“No, because I make my own money, love. I don’t need a man to foot my bill,” you said simply. 

“Well, still, it’s a very private place and I’m not sure if you know, you’d be able to get in anyway,” she said. 

“Look, why don’t we just go ahead and air out our shit like fucking adults,” you said. “If you don’t like me, just fucking say it instead of trying to act all innocent and post petty shit on social media.” 

“Don’t mind if I do,” she smirked. 

“The floor’s all yours,” you smirked. 

Before she can say anything, Harry walks out of the dressing room, freshly changed and seeing the two of you having a conversation. 

“For fuck’s sake,” he mumbled walking towards you two. “What’s going on?” 

“Oh, nothing, just trying to put your little friend here in her place,” she said. 

You looked over at Harry, who looked tired and annoyed. The last thing you wanted to do was make this situation worse for him, so you chose to back down. 

“You know what, it’s fine, whatever, I’m done arguing with you. I’ll go back to the hotel and call it a night,” you said simply. 

“Y/N- you don’t,” Harry said looking at you. 

“Yeah, I do,” you said. “Great job tonight. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” 

And with that you left the venue and went back to the hotel. 

**

After that night, your and Harry’s friendship had changed, mostly on your part. At the realization Harry would always chose you, you knew the only way for him to make it work with his girlfriend and find his happiness would be if you let him go. Not in the full letting go sense, but pulling back a bit. You didn’t return his texts or phone calls as often and you didn't take him up on an invite as often either. 

You told him it was work, you were swamped with writing and deadlines, which wasn’t a total lie. But you had taken on more work, so that you would have that excuse. It wasn’t much longer after that night when you found out that the two had spilt, and while you wanted to be there for him, you couldn’t be. Why? Because you were afraid it was because of you, again. 

What kind of a friend were you if you were the reason your best friend couldn’t find love? Even though it hurt you to be away from him, it hurt more knowing you were preventing him from being happy. It wasn’t until he finally confronted you almost six months later that you realized just how wrong you were. 

It was around the holidays and you knew you would see him again. Your families always spent the holidays together it was tradition. Sometimes it was at your family’s house, others it was at Anne’s, but either way it was the same traditions. You had avoided him as much as you could and it was so obvious that everyone was taking notice. 

Finally, Harry had enough and decided to confront you. He saw you headed towards the bathroom, when he followed you. Just before you opened the door, he pulled your arm into his old childhood bedroom. A place you two had spent many times in. 

“What the fuck,” you groaned. 

“My thoughts exactly,” he said. “What the fuck is going on with you? With us?” 

“Nothing,” you said. “I told you I’ve been busy.” 

“Bullshit,” he said. “When I was thousands of miles away and like an entire day  head of you, I still made time to return your fucking phone call. Now, tell me what the fuck is going on?” 

You sighed crossing your arms. 

“Is this about that night in New York?” He asked. 

“Yes and no,” you sighed. 

“Damnit, Y/N,” he sighed. “Why didn’t you say anything? And you know we broke up ages ago, yet you’re still ignoring me.” 

“I’m not ignoring you,” you said. 

“Like hell you aren’t,” he mumbled. 

You sighed, “Fine, you want to know. I’ll tell you. I kept getting in the way of your relationships. I could tell you really liked her, for what reason I’ve no clue, but you did. I knew that she would never let up on me and the toll it was taking on you. I thought if I removed myself from the situation a little bit, it would make things better.” 

Harry sighed sitting down on his bed, running his hands over his face, “But why?” 

“Because Jeff told me that you would choose me over them,” you said. “And while I’m flattered and love that you would, I knew that you wouldn’t be happy. I mean, all I want is for my best friend to find love and be happy, and if I was the reason holding you back from that, then I was willing to pull back a bit to let you have that.” 

“And what about me, huh?” He asked. “Didn’t I deserve the fucking decency to be able to chose for myself?” 

You sighed looking down. 

“I understand you thought you were doing the right thing, but you weren’t,” he said. 

“I’m sorry,” you sighed. 

“And just so you know, you’re still the reason we broke up,” he said. “You tried so hard not to be, yet you’re the sole reason my relationship ended.” 

“Harry, I’m so fucking sorry,” you sighed sadly. 

“Don’t be,” he said. “I’m happy because it made me realize something.” 

“What’s that?” You asked. 

“That I’m in love you,” he whispered. “The reason it wasn’t working out was because everyone could see something that I couldn’t. Whenever someone would bring it up, I shrugged it off because the way I feel about you is how I’ve always felt about you. But during the last few months without you in my life, I lost myself and that’s when I realized it’s because I’ve never known myself to be without you.” 

“I didn’t like it.. I hated who I had become and I don’t know... I woke up one day and it finally hit me,” he whispered. “It’s you. You are who I see myself growing old with, who I see chasing after little ones in the backyard, who I look for in the crowd every night on stage. The reason I never knew I was in love with you is because I’ve always been in love with you. From that very first day, you took your hand in mind, you also took my heart.” 

Tears were threatening to spill over as you looked at him. Your heart started to beat faster, your palms were sweaty, and it felt like your stomach was filled with butterflies. You weren’t sure what was happening, but it was almost like hearing him say those words to you, opened up the box that you had hid your own feelings about him in. 

And now they were pouring out. You opened your mouth to say something, to say anything in response to your best friend, your love, expressing his feelings to you, but nothing came out. You were speechless, overwhelmed, so you did the only thing that your body could do in that moment. 

You walked over to him, sitting on his lap, making the bed creak a bit at the addition of the weight. His hands rested at your hips as you looked into each other’s eyes. You placed your hands on his the side of his face before planting your lips softly against his. 

**

The last year and a half moving since you and Harry added the boyfriend and girlfriend title in your relationship had been the best. Both of you were the happiest you had ever been and it was easily seen by those around you. Your mom and Harry’s were already jokingly planning a wedding. Harry’s second album was officially out and you couldn’t be more proud of him. 

You had always been there for him with his career and at shows, but this time around it felt different. Seeing how successful it was and how proud he was of the album made your heart swell with love and pride. You were sitting in your and Harry’s home having gotten take out from Harry’s favorite restaurant. He had just gotten back from New York and would have the next few weeks off before tour started. 

You had brought everything into the living room where you had lit candles and had blankets and pillows spread out for a lovely chilled date night in. When Harry came down from getting a shower and changing, he smiled walking over to you. 

“I missed you,” he whispered wrapping his arms around your waist. “So, happy to be home for a bit. I love traveling, but it’s nice to sleep in my own bed.” 

“Oh, so it’s the bed you miss?” You scoffed. 

“Okay, I miss my bed and you in it,” he smirked. 

You rolled your eyes, “I bet,” you laughed turning around to face him. 

He smiled leaning down to kiss you. You smiled wrapping your arms around his shoulders and squealing a bit when he picked you up. 

“What are you doing?” You laughed. 

“Nothing, nothing,” he smirked laying you down on the spread of blankets. 

“You’re a horrible liar,” you laughed. “Always have been.” 

“Heeeey,” he laughed. 

“The food is going to get cold,” you said. 

“Good thing we own a microwave,” he smirked pressing his lips to yours again. 

**

Hope you enjoyed it! Thank you again for the request! :) 

#One Direction Imagines #Harry Styles Imagines #Harry Styles One Shot

[howtowhumpyourhiccup]

Whumptober Day 12: Definitely Broken Something

Summary: Written for Whumptober Day 12. There are certain things about his time on Dragon's Edge that Hiccup doesn't want his father to know. The Dragon Riders think otherwise and what is supposed to be an effort to help their friend leads to friction instead.

NOTE: Nothing explicit happens in the fic. The non-con elements are referenced and implied, little is stated literally.

Rating: Mature

Characters: Hiccup, Toothless, Astrid, Snotlout, Fishlegs, Ruffnut, Tuffnut

Pairing: None

Words: 3 151

Fandom: How to Train Your Dragon

Prompt: "Broken Down” + “Broken Trust”

Whumpee: Hiccup + The Gang

Author’s Notes: Kinda nervous to post this one because I don't really delve into this particular territory. That and a little nervous that Hiccup will be way too out of character.

Also had to choose between this idea and another one that also involves the Riders breaking Hiccup's trust, but I think I'll be writing that one someday in the future.

Constructive criticism is appreciated!

Enjoy!

Extra Author’s Notes: What Astrid is talking about is actually a reference to a previous fic of mine that I wrote a long time ago by now.

It talks about the event during Midnight Scrum that is brought up in this fic.

Ao3: Actual Fic

Ao3: Midnight Scrum Fic

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So, we're really doing this?" Tuffnut's question hangs in the air as an uncomfortable silence weighs on the shoulders of ever Rider present in the clubhouse. That being every Rider except for Hiccup, who is up in his forge and not a part of this conversation.

He doesn't even know they're all gathered here, believing them to be doing their own thing.

Toothless, however, has taken a brief break from his human to be present. There are certain concerns the Dragon Riders have that they wanted to discuss. And with their close bond, it seems right to have him here as well.

The Night Fury looks almost uncannily human the way he's sitting on his hind legs, his forelegs crossed on the table between the six of them, and his head resting on top of them.

He doesn't like being here, but after the past week, he agreed to come when Astrid managed to tear him away from Hiccup.

A week ago, they'd been captured by Viggo. It was one of many times, too many times, more then they'd like to admit. And just like with every other time they've been at the hands of Viggo Grimborn nowadays, Hiccup tends to be affected for days afterward.

They all are in one way or another, of course. Being captured, having your friends captured with you, and not know what's about to happen to any of you is a terrifying thing. Despite their tendency to survive the unsurvivable and get out of every nasty situation, they get in somehow, getting captured is something that will never stop being a scary thing.

But once they get out, what they usually suffer from the most is a hurt pride, a sleepless night or two, a feeling of powerlessness that is soon overtaken by the need to do better and finally best the Dragon Hunters once and for all.

And then there is Hiccup and the way he behaves after a private audience with the Hunter Chief himself because Viggo rarely lets him stay with his friends. Whenever he gets his hands on him, he never fails to separate Hiccup from them.

Whatever goes on when the door to Viggo's cabin closes is a gap in their knowledge that only their imagination can fill. And seeing the way Hiccup acts afterward, what they imagine isn't nice.

He jumps at shadows, he's so tense you can see his muscles growing stiff from being overworked. The natural way the Dragons and Riders alike touch each other is no longer wanted. At least, no longer from the latter. One time it even got to the point that Hiccup was reluctant to let Fishlegs take a look at a rather nasty bruise on his side that worried them, not wanting to be touched by anyone. That he refuses to speak about anything that happens when it's just him and Viggo doesn't sit well with them either.

This time it's particularly bad as he's barely getting any sleep, he's not eating, he keeps looking over his shoulder, and he's well on his way to work himself to death. The worst part about this? This isn't even the worst Hiccup's been.

There is this one moment, it happened after Hiccup had been kidnapped for the bounty on his head, Astrid only knows about it because Heather told her and then she ended up telling the Riders. They don't like to even think about it.

So the Riders have decided that enough is enough and that is why they have gathered here tonight. For Hiccup's well-being, they have decided, unanimously, to tell Stoick.

Hiccup doesn't want his father to know and he's not going to be happy when they tell him, but they feel like they have little choice.

The Viggo obsession was already bad enough, but with every capture, Hiccup is worse off. It's gotten to the point that Hiccup would rather choose death than be captured again if he had been given a choice.

That is a terrifying thought. So naturally, they want any and all help they can get to keep that from happening, and who better to help than Hiccup's own father?

They've discussed this decision, quietly, they've come to an accord, and now they sit in silence while the past half an hour slowly sinks in.

Tuffnut's question; "we're really doing this?" are the first words spoken in the past five minutes. That they have been quiet for that entire time is an accomplishment for a group as talkative as theirs.

There is no answer because they all know that it remains the same. They are doing this. Stoick might not take it well, Hiccup certainly won't appreciate it, but they are still doing this. They have to. For Hiccup's sake, they have to.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

They told him. They told Stoick the Vast the one thing his son has been keeping from him. It went... better than they expected it to go.

They'd expected him to shout, to scream, go on an angry tirade about Viggo Grimborn and his son and about what he would do to the former for hurting the latter.

Instead, Stoick had sat there in his chair and listened to every word they had to tell him. He was strangely calm, more than they would ever imagine him to be. Considering his temper and his love for his son, it was truly bewildering to see him take everything so... well?

That is the only word they can use for the way their Chief reacted to the information given to him. And it wasn't even given to him by his son, but by his son's friends a little over three hours ago now. Although, it could very well be the calm before the storm that they dealt with. The shock may have even kept him from taking it all in, maybe it all still needed to sink in.

When he dismissed them, though, Astrid had taken a look back to find the mountainous man sink in his chair. The news had hit hard, despite Stoick's calm reaction, and he'd covered his face with a big hand as he seemingly  and quietly collapsed.

They're all in the former Dragon Academy now.

"You know, I think he took it well." Snotlout breaks the silence as he brushes Hookfang's scales. Nightmares can set themselves on fire on command due to their flammable saliva, which coats their entire bodies. It helps to get old gel off their hides so an entirely new layer can take its place. The dragon is thoroughly enjoying this pampering.

"Yeah, I suppose. Stoick usually gets so angry so easily, I was afraid he would explode right then and there." Fishlegs responds, thinking back to how nervous he'd been before the talk. He's sitting on a stool with Meatlug's saddle on his lap as he polishes it and keeps the leather fed.

"I think what we really need to worry about is him exploding on Hiccup." Astrid joins in on the conversation as she helps Stormfly preen. It goes a little quiet again after that. For at least a good couple of moments.

"But he won't, right? Stoick knows none of that is Hiccup's fault, so he won't get angry! Right?" Tuffnut asks hopefully. His sister shares his worries.

"Well, only one way to find out," Ruffnut speaks up as well, voice going softer as her eyes fall on the gate leading out of the dragon training ring.

They all look over and see Hiccup coming down with Toothless following close behind. Just from the way he walks they can tell he's angry.

The Dragon Riders share a look and the Riders approach to meet him halfway, hearts pounding with anxiety. They've dealt with Hiccup angry before, but they can tell from his expression that this is something entirely different.

"Hey Hiccup, did you see your-"

"Oh, I saw him alright. Went in right after you guys left, which I thought was suspicious because what was your business with my father? Can't believe I was actually right to be worried, you guys... you guys... I believe any of you!" Hiccup cuts off whoever it is that attempts to talk to him, something he already doesn't do often. His voice trails off after it is already threatening to rise in volume and the pacing starts.

The Riders share another look. This already doesn't look like it's going to be pleasant, but hopefully, it won't be too bad.

"He interrogated me for the past three hours! Three hours! Asking ridiculous things like "what did he say?", "has he ever made you feel a certain way", "did he touch you?", "did he ever try to force..." Hiccup's fists tighten at the mention of the questions he needed to endure. He's angry. He's so, so angry. He throws his fists down, frustrated with the lack of relief.

"Thanks a lot for that, by the way. For not just breaking my trust, but telling my dad of all people!" He stills as he gives them his false gratitude, glaring at them. The kind of questions his father asked him over and over and over again... Sometimes he just used a different kind of wording to still trick him to get a confession out of him.

"Did he ever make you do things against your will?"

"Did he ask for certain things in trade?"

"How far did he get?"

It's all too much for him to bear. His dad was never supposed to know! His friends were never even supposed to know.

He has to pace, he's too restless to stand still.

It's humiliating, that's what it is. This is something between him and Viggo. His father has no business knowing any of this. And so it turns out, neither do his Riders.

"We're breaking your trust?" Fishlegs asks, hating the sound of that. If there is something even worse than disappointing Hiccup, it's tainting his trust in you.

Hiccup briefly looks at him, contemplating if he should answer.

This is, was, a purely private matter. There is such emotion in his eyes, tears mixed with boiling anger. The former he refuses to show. They can all see the tension in his face as he tries to hide them.

"I can't believe that you guys would conspire against me like that!" He tells them with a finger up in disbelieve, his voice unnervingly soft.

The Riders' eyes nearly bulge out of their skulls.

"Conspire?!"

"Why phrase it like that?"

"Hiccup, we aren't doing this to hurt you."

The amount of protests almost makes it impossible for anyone to hear what anyone is saying and who's saying it.

"Than tell me why it feels that way? This was private and I told you guys to leave it alone, that I would deal with this myself, that my dad never needed to know, and what did you do?!" He raises his voice, throwing a hand up.

"Hiccup, we really weren't trying to hurt you. We thought it would be for the best if your dad knew what was going on with you." Astrid comes forward, wants to place a hand on his shoulder, but Hiccup shrugs it off, and goes back to pacing.

"I worked so hard to get to where I am now. To have this relationship with him and you guys know this and you just went and-" He stops himself, fists balling in frustration. The pacing, the balling, the wild gestures, he can't stop repeating them, it's like he's stuck in a loop that he can't escape from.

They could've destroyed everything. Everything he's done the past three years, everything he's achieved, they could've ruined it all just because Viggo is a little too creepy with their leader for their liking. The good reputation he has in his father's eyes, his father's trust in him, their entire relationship! Everything that he finally has after it was denied for so many years and they don't even realize it.

How can he still trust them after this? With anything? His want to cry grows, these people are supposed to be his friends.

The Dragon Riders watch him pace, watch him have the closest thing to a mental breakdown as he walks nervous circles before them. No energy and yet at the same time too restless and angry to stand still.

Seeing that he may need to intervene, Toothless coos at him, daring a few steps forward, but Hiccup wants little to do with him at the moment, too.

"Oh, don't even try, you knew! You knew what they were planning and you let it happen!" With an upset rumble, Toothless backs away. He knew Hiccup would be angry, but that doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt.

Toothless knows Hiccup won't hate him, their bond is simply too unbreakable for that, but that look of betrayal is more than he can bear.

The Night Fury tried to keep him from going in before he managed to slip past. He knows exactly what Stoick has been told and this is how Hiccup knows he knows.

"What did you tell him?" Fishlegs asks carefully, as if any of them even want to know.

"What do you think, Fishlegs? The truth!"

"How did he take it-"

"-That you guys were seeing things and that I'm just stressed out." As Hiccup adds that before they can finish asking, the Riders are given a second surprise this late afternoon.

"You told him what?" Ruffnut asks, dumbfounded.

"Dude, did you... Did you gaslight us in front of your dad?" Snotlout has a hard time formulating his question, but he's the only one who dares ask. It seems too crazy to even think about.

No one has ever seen this side of Hiccup before, has ever even thought him capable of such a thing, but apparently, reality is indeed stranger than fiction.

"Well, what other choice did I have? Tell him that everything you told him was true? Which it isn't, by the way. Viggo's implied some things, nothing more!" There he goes with another wild gesture. They don't believe his claim that it's all just words, but they also have no prove, Hiccup hasn't told them anything, after all.

"But it's enough to hurt you! We've all seen it, Hiccup!" Astrid tries to argue, emphasis on "tries".

"No, you haven't! What you guys have been seeing is stress! Stress because I want to beat him and be rid of the Dragon Hunters! That's all! Why can you guys see that?" He asks. Why can't they?! That's all it is!

"Hiccup, you don't eat, you don't sleep, you jump at the smallest of things-"

"Stress!"

"Sometimes you can't stand being in the same room as us because you're terrified of something you don't tell us about!"

"Stress!"

"Stress doesn't make you try to jump ship when your hands are tied and kill yourself!" Astrid, having had enough, snaps back. Her eyes are watery as well, well on their way to becoming red. She's choking up.

Hiccup stares at her, this time it's his turn to be in shock again. And looking at the others, he can see that they aren't surprised to hear her say that. They know.

So that explains why his dad tried to ask him if he had any "certain bad tendencies or bad thoughts". That's the way Gobber made him word it because, oh yes, his other father figure was there, too. He'd come to welcome his student back when he caught him and Stoick in a heated talk.

This day couldn't get any worse.

"We know about it. Astrid got worried and-"

"And went behind my back apparently, I'm starting to see a pattern. Tell me, how does Heather come into all of this? Or is she the only one I can actually trust?" Hiccup cuts Snotlout off when he, for once, jumps to the shieldmaiden's defense. Nobody answers and he doesn't know if that's a yes or a no.

Astrid approaches.

"You know what, I'm done with this. We're not talking about this anymore. Not about Viggo, not about what happened on Savage's ship, we're not talking about anything." Hiccup cuts Astrid off, throwing his hands up as if in defeat. He rubs in his eyes, wiping some of the tears away.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have some damage control to do with my father. Because that is what happens when your best friends tell him something he was never meant to know." The truth is, he's ready to burst and he wants to be far away from him.

He wants to cry and shout and kick the nearest object to him, which so happens to be a barrel. And he's honestly not sure if he wants his Dragon Riders to see that after what they'd done.

They could've ruined him, could've finished digging the hole Viggo has begun to dig since the start of this war. If he doesn't fix their mess now, he might never recover.

And he doesn't want to go back to those days before Toothless, not for something as stupid as this.

With no more words needing to be said, the Riders certainly don't want to try anymore, Hiccup turns around and leaves. Toothless knows better than to follow him this time. He'll have to go to him eventually, they share a room. But for now, his human obviously needs his space.

They watch him go, hearts broken and bleeding. It is silent for a good while before someone dares to say something again.

"Well, that was...."

"Horrible? A disaster? Devastating?" Ruffnut finishes Snotlout's sentence, using all kinds of words to describe what this exchange had been like to them.

"Yeah,"

Fishlegs approaches Astrid and lays a hand on her shoulder. She's trying to suppress her tears, they all are, though Fishlegs and Tuffnut are failing to do so.

"Hey, huh, we're going to be okay, right?" He asks with genuine worry that this may cause a rift between them and Hiccup.

There was one before, they would rather not have it there again.

Astrid looks at him, but doesn't respond.

"Of course we're going to be okay! This is Hiccup we're talking about! He's the most forgiving person ever. We'll talk about it again, he'll understand our side, and then its bygones are bygones." Snotlout doesn't sound as hopeful as he's trying to make his words to sound like.

"That's not how that saying goes..." Fishlegs mutters.

It grows quiet again and the Dragons go to their respective Riders, but which side has to comfort which is up for debate.

Hiccup's words that afternoon hurt them, but then, so had their decision to go behind his back to reveal sensitive information to the center of that information's father. It was all without his consent.

Whether they are going to be okay, is something only time can tell.

#whumptober2020 #no.12 #broken down #broken trust #httyd #how to train your dragon #fanfics #tw: implied non-con elements #tw: harrassment #tw: gaslighting #rtte #race to the edge #hiccup haddock #hiccup whump #astrid hofferson #astrid whump #snotlout jorgenson #snotlout whump #fishlegs ingerman #fishlegs whump #ruffnut thorston #ruffnut whump #tuffnut thorston #tuffnut whump #toothless #hictooth #dragon bros #toothless whump #riders whump #my fanfics

[johnnydeppfuckyeah]

Abuse a Man Unjustly, and You Will Make Friends for Him

“Tell the world Johnny, tell them, I Johnny Depp, a man, I’m a victim too of domestic violence… And see how many people believe or side with you.”

A survivor of hellacious abuse, who was falsely accused of being the abuser, has gone above and beyond to prove his innocence. Despite the profuse amount of evidence in his favor he still is not being believed in the court of public opinion. He did everything and more that one would expect from an abused party. Detailed notes in the form of gruesome photographs, video footage, medical records, audio confessions from his abuser, fleeing the area when violence would erupt, sinking into the bowels of depression as those around watched and could do almost nothing to help or stop it.

This man begged for there to be no more violence. He pleaded with his abuser, “there can be no physical violence..” in the audio tape. “Don’t tell me what it feels like to be punched”, as she tried to redefine his words and experience for him. “I lost a finger man..” He reminds her as she chastises him wildly for insinuating he is a victim of anything at all. The first tape is the result of couples therapy according to the accompanying documentation. We also know he was seeking professional help for his addiction issues. He was trying to change and do better for her. Little did he know at the time it would never be enough. There is nothing he could have done that would ever satisfy her lust for violence, nothing that would have made her stop abusing him. In fact he’s lucky to have gotten out when he did because in all likelihood it would have only continued to get worse for him. Amber Heard is a sick individual who lacks self control and thrives on brutality and combativeness. She is only truly living when she is sucking the life out of someone.

She managed to insert her tortuous ways into his opioid detox by withholding medication from him that would send him into spasms. This is an act that easily could have killed him by triggering him to go into cardiac arrest, not that she likely would have cared much if it had. She sought vengeance on him at all times. Her jealousy and envy of him and everything that he’s accomplished, everything that he has, and everything that he is are unmatched. Certainly by anything I’ve ever encountered anyhow. She didn’t just want what he had but I believe she truly want to be him. Right down to the cheekbones. She dressed like him, she mimicked him, she pretended to be interested in his interests. She tried to turn herself into a female version of him and lured him into her villainous talons. A literal siren.

Johnny Depp has several very impactful witness statements but the one that stands out most to me is from Tara Roberts in the Bahamas. She is his property manager there and has known him and his family for over a decade. She talks about watching a man that she knew as jovial, active, and family oriented suddenly resort to sleeping all day and becoming more reclusive. She goes on to describe several events which took place with Amber on the island, one of which sees Johnny fleeing his home on his ATV just to get away from her monstrous behavior. It proves futile as she catches up with him anyhow, continuing to attack and berate him at length. This man was fleeing his own homes to escape her on a regular basis. His security guards attest to this, having to pick him up from the Eastern Building on multiple occasions after a Heard rampage and taking him back to his West Hollywood home. Heard wanted him to stay and take her abuse because it only made her more angry for him to leave. She became enraged because he refused to stay and be her personal punching bag. It’s vomitous that anyone holds this woman up as a pillar of justice for women when in truth she is the voice of abusers everywhere.

She and her supporters try to say his witnesses are unimportant because they’re his employees. Taking into account that there are over forty of them are we really to believe that all these people agreed to be bought off with not a single soul showing conscience? Beyond that not a single soul ratting the others out and turning on them all? To the contrary several of Amber Heard’s friends have pivoted on her. Her interior decorator and friend Laura Divenere submitted a declaration that Amber had never spoken of domestic violence nor did she ever appear injured in Laura’s presence. We have recntly learned that her own personal assistant will be testifying against her in The Sun trial as well. Not one person from Johnny Depp’s camp has flipped sides. Out of all the people he has spent significant time with in his life not one person has stepped up behind Amber’s claims to echo any sentiment of violence. I don’t mean the inaneness that will inevitibly be brought up if I don’t mention — The Mark Hotel incident, the paparazzi incident with Vanessa Paradis, the crew member on City of Lies who was already proven to be a liar multiple times. I’m talking about claims of true personal violence against someone he was romantically involved with. The time was more than ripe after Amber accused him and not one other woman came forward, in fact they all defended him. I find that astonishing in a marvelous way. Character profiles are extremely important here as abusers usually have a pattern over many years. There is one person in this relationship with a pattern of abuse and abusive behavior. Hint: it’s not Johnny Depp. There is also one person here on whom you can easily find distasteful comments about meeting, interacting, and working with. Hint again: it’s not Johnny Depp.

There’s so much here already and I know we, the public, have not even seen a drop in the ocean compared to what Johnny Depp has in his possession and evidence. People aren’t thinking about that though. They see everything that comes out as some kind of diabolical “leak” from his side, designed only to slander Heard in the media. They don’t realize where these leaks come from. In the United States we have the Freedom of Information Act. All of this documentation is available to the public for anyone who cares to go and look. In the UK I understand the laws are a bit different but a member of the press can go and request the records be released to them. Why would he deny it? He has everything to lose by not being 100% open during both of these proceedings. The antithesis to this is anything coming from Heard’s camp. Anything she (or her lawyers) releases is seen as the smoking gun and people seem to forget there are two recordings out where she professes her lunacy to him let alone two trials looming with an exorbitant amount of evidence yet to be revealed. To be clear, what’s come from her side has been feeble attampts at character assassination and pathetic bids to make him a sniveling, mustache twirling, villain more than anything of real value to her case -which she only states she’ll prove, “if necessary.”

Amber Heard has now requested in both the defamation lawsuit in Virginia and The Sun suit in the UK that her evidence be kept private. In the US that request has already been denied along with two attempts to have the case dismissed flat out. She has a third dismissal attempt still pending as of this writing. That just doesn’t sound like someone who wants to prove their claims beyond a reasonable doubt. It sounds like someone who wants to shut the whole thing down by any means necessary because they cannot substantiate what they say. The courts even agreed in 2016, she can never refile these domestic abuse claims against Johnny Depp and she had hired a criminal defense attorney at that time. Does that not sound suspect to anyone else? She’s been subpoenaing irrelevant people, productions, and companies left and right. She also avoided sitting for a deposition like it was the coronavirus. After multiple excuses and delays they finally got her into the room where she threw a nine hour temper tantrum and refused to be questioned under oath. It was ultimately completed and what has come out of it doesn’t look good for her either.

She has contradicted her own stories so many times I don’t even know where to begin. For starters she seems to not remember when she got married or when her honeymoon was. She stated she only ever hit Johnny one time in defense of her “baby sister” whom she suggests he was about to push down the stairs. We now know, thanks to her deposition and audio confessionals, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. She wholly admitted to multiple violent attacks against him along with the throwing of pots, pans, cans, and vases. She admitted to kicking a door into his head while he was hiding from her in a bathroom and proceeding to punch him in the jaw directly after. Other’s have declared they’ve seen her violently assault him, spit on him, throw purses, and heavy TV remotes to name a few. The list is frankly and sadly endless, and when all is said and done I can’t imagine that Amber Heard comes out smelling like anything less than a thousand year old egg. Johnny may never be fully redeemed by all, just look at the reaction to the absurd necromancer text, some genuinely believe a man must be without any fault to be a victim. He will have his day(s) in court and he will prove himself.

Please feel free to look up any of her declarations and filings to verify the information stated here. I don’t often use a ton of citations but that’s because I assume the base of my readers to be people who are intimately familiar with the case already.

Johnny Depp is a very powerful man, just not in the way the media wants you to believe. Although it may not always seem like it, Depp has made friends around the world throughout this ordeal. People who are victims of abuse have flocked to his side after seeing what, to them, seemed like extremely obvious proof that he was the victim. Men have begun speaking up for themselves about violence they have suffered at the hands of their significant others. They no longer feel ashamed or put down because a woman laid hands on them and inflicted injury, sometimes very seriously. If nothing else Johnny should be extremely proud of himself for speaking up. It may well have been the hardest thing he’s ever done in his life and people should take him seriously. He should take pride that he influenced a large number of people to speak out about their own experiences and find catharsis with him in finally letting it out. He should be proud for giving people hope and he should be proud that he survived and continues to thrive and fight for what’s right. I hope that even in his darkest moments, and when he might be feeling most alone, he can find that one little synapse in his mind that reminds him that we are all here for him, and that he has been there for us. Johnny Depp is innocent. Johnny Depp is a survivor. Johnny Depp will have justice and Johnny Depp has already begun to rise from the ashes of this hideous ordeal. May the film offers pour in and the musical fulfilment be never ending. The best is yet to come.

#article #johnny depp #amber heard #johnny depp is a victim #justice for johnny depp #justiceforjohnnydepp #amberheardisanabuser #amber heard is an abuser

[wedreamedlove]

Hello❤❤ I been wondering what are mlqc boys mbti 😂 so do you have any ideas or theory which type they are?

ooh, this is tricky because, apart from xu mo and li zeyan (who are the epitomes of their mbti), i’ve seen many different mbtis tossed out for the other two men. i dived into 16personalities though and i think these are what i'm gonna settle on:

intj for xu mo

i wrote about this in another ask, so i'm gonna cheat and plug it here.

entj for li zeyan

i think the blurb in 16personalities explains it best:

Commanders are also characterized by an often ruthless level of rationality, using their drive, determination and sharp minds to achieve whatever end they’ve set for themselves. Commander personalities have a particular skill in recognizing the talents of others, and this helps in both their team-building efforts (since no one, no matter how brilliant, can do everything alone), and to keep Commanders from displaying too much arrogance and condescension. However, they also have a particular skill in calling out others’ failures with a chilling degree of insensitivity, and this is where Commanders really start to run into trouble.

the charisma of an entj comes from their brilliance at what they do and they just so happen to lift up the people around them at the same time. IMO they don't necessarily have to be a people person. they're magnetic because of their drive and ambition.

they also respect people who stand up to them and intellectually challenge them, which is shown all the time with how much li zeyan appreciates the MC when she pushes back against him.

the relationship section is also 100% him and how he's in it for the long haul when he sets his eyes on a partner. improving themselves and their partner is a major point with entj and we see that happening too (also quintessential capricorn trait, so we're getting a double whammy here, haha).

infj for bai qi

i ultimately settled on advocate even though some parts may raise eyebrows. i feel like his inborn sense of justice falls under the idealistic goal that advocates work tirelessly towards to make a lasting impact in the world. (fictional military and police characters are all about making the world a better place. that's the archetype here.)

the part people may disagree with is how advocates are soft-spoken and easily connect with others using warm and sensitive language. but i raise you how bai qi acts around MC. he's probably unique among advocates in that he only shows this side to the MC and no one else. he dotes on MC and prioritizes her feelings and never trivializes them with logic (looking at you, li zeyan, jkjk).

if you look at advocates strength and weaknesses, i think the fit becomes stronger:

creative: bai qi works around the law sometimes and has grey informants to help him. insightful: you can see him making connections on the job. inspiring and convincing: he's not an orator but he inspires through his actions, ex. fanboy police officers, fanboy squad members, fanboy hanye. decisive, determined and passionate, and altruistic: i don't think i need to give examples here. sensitive: it says here that being challenged leads to a strong response. i think their example is anger, but i think bai qi's jump to change his personality is a big one too. extremely private: yeah, nothing needs to be said here. perfectionistic: mhm. always need to have a cause: hello?? his GSH line for his army uniform is that his badges and medals are his convictions, but MC is the direction he moves in.

anyway, the advocate approach to relationships was also a big factor as to why i chose this for bai qi. it fits him and MC perfectly. advocates take their time finding their partners and, once they do, their relationship reaches a depth and sincerity that most people can only dream of.

i know bai qi blushes a lot but it's been shown repeatedly that he doesn't shy away from delivering monologues about his love.

Advocate personalities are enthusiastic in their relationships. There is a sense of wisdom behind their spontaneity, allowing them to pleasantly surprise their partners again and again. These types aren’t afraid to show their love, and they feel it unconditionally. Advocates create a depth to their relationships that can hardly be described in conventional terms. Relationships with Advocates are not for the uncommitted or the shallow. When it comes to intimacy, Advocates look for a connection that goes beyond the physical. They prefer to embrace the emotional and even spiritual connection they have with their partners. People with this personality type are passionate partners. Advocates see intimacy as a way to express their love and to make their partners happy. They cherish not just the act of being in a relationship, but what it means to become one with another person in mind, body, and soul.

cough cough, hello, bai qi literally making MC his flag, his north star, his direction in life, etc.

isfj for zhou qiluo

this was a hard one because i was placing equal importance on luoluo the idol, KEY, and helios. i chose defender because of their dualities like being reserved but a people-person, sensitive but analytical, etc.

the desire to do good is important because luoluo is like bai qi in that they both have an ideal they want to uphold. we should never forget his iconic line about how he protects the light in the shadows.

i was tickled at seeing the line about how defenders are perfectionists but also procrastinators because i remember translating a line from luoluo's mini-house about how he gets overwhelmed with work, but that when push comes to shove he'll work harder than anyone else.

i know the bit about them being uncomfortable in the spotlight may seem odd because he's an idol, but IMO luoluo has always been extremely humble with his work and recognizes how he's only reached his status because of the support from his fans and the people he works with.

the shyness in defenders is probably the hardest part to align with luoluo but i mean it could just not apply to him as strongly, sort of like bai qi and sensitivity to criticism. if we sort of merge shyness with the repression of feelings weakness then i think it makes more sense.

i recall mentioning in the speech quirks that luoluo, for all his openness, seems to be more emotionally closed than bai qi. he hides his feelings under hypothetical stories and questions. "if the hero became the villain..." etc etc.

or we could read shyness as an inability to share all sides of himself and this is reflected in how hard luoluo hides his helios side from MC. anyway, defenders are also extremely serious about relationships and have deep feelings underneath their shyness (coincidentally all the mbtis i chose for the guys have serious approaches to love LOL i swear i didn't plan this).

#mlqc #mr love queen's choice #love and producer #mlqc gavin #mlqc victor #mlqc lucien #mlqc kiro #mlqc bai qi #mlqc li zeyan #mlqc xu mo #mlqc zhou qiluo #love and produc(ing) meta #answered asks

[boundtoyouphff]

Chapter 14: Ocean Eyes

A/N: Hello amazing readers and followers. Hope that you are all well. I am sorry for my absence, but I am back on tumblr and will be posting some chapters to get you all caught up! They will be posted throughout the day so make sure you don’t miss any! I can’t wait to share them with you and hear from all of you xx

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I've been watching you

For some time

Can't stop staring

At those oceans eyes

Burning cities

And napalm skies

Fifteen flares inside those ocean eyes

Your ocean eyes

No fair

You really know how to make me cry

When you gimme those ocean eyes

I'm scared

I've never fallen from quite this high

Falling into your ocean eyes

Those ocean eyes

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The next morning Emilia had woken up early, being kept awake most of the night by her thoughts. She could not stop smiling at the mere memory of dancing with Harry the previous night, remembering the way he held her so close to him as they moved as one across the dance floor to her favourite slow song. The princess rolled over in her bed to see the empty space beside her, silently wishing that a certain prince was occupying it.

With a heavy sigh she breathed out knowing that today was the day that she would have to figure things out with the English prince. But, in a way she found a sense of relief in the fact that they would finally be able to talk about what their future would hold, whether it be a course of friendship or embarking on a secret blossoming romance.

Emilia already knew in her heart which path she wanted to take with Harry, but a part of her felt she had to hold back in fear of getting her heart broken again. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath pushing that fear out of her. The princess laid in her bed for a while longer roving through her mind trying to think of anything but him, but it was impossible not to.

There was something about the prince that Emilia was innately drawn to. The chemistry between them was palpable and proved difficult to hide not only in public, but also in private with her immediate family. But, it was the way he made her heart beat when he looked down at her with those deep ocean eyes that spoke more than words that could ever be spoken. The way he looked past her masked face and into the depths of her soul and saw the real Emilia.

The princess pushed back the soft cozy covers off her body and tip toed towards the balcony. Emilia pulled the curtains apart as her eyes felt the immediate assault of the bright morning sun. Opening the door she stepped out onto the cool flooring and took in the amazing site of the Illyrian turquoise ocean that was spread out as far as the eye could see. She loved the coast of her country and the escape that it brought her from her daily life. Emilia could not wait to share more of this beautiful place with Harry.

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The princess was walking down the villa towards the patio where breakfast was being served. Hearing a set of foot prints running up behind her, Emilia hastily turned and locked eyes with a mischievous Prince Leonardo who came up beside the princess and loosely hung his arm over her shoulders.

"Well, good morning my dear cousin." A beaming smile was plastered over his lips.

"I never took you for a morning person Leo. What has got you all so cheery this morning." Emilia glanced up at her cousin with a raised eyebrow.

"Funny you would mention such a thing." Leo leaned in and whispered in her ear, "I think you know the reason." He offered Emilia a quick wink.

"Ella came in last night didn't she?!" Emilia practically squealed with delight. She truly did love her friend and stylist with Leo. They were the perfect match and she had set them up. "Oooh, Leo! I just love to see you so happy with Ella."

The prince and princess continued to walk together towards breakfast chatting away like they usually do. "I really am very happy at the moment with Ella. Been thinking about telling Fi and mom and dad soon about her." Leo admitted to Emilia with a proud smile.

"Why not? They will love her to bits." Emilia was ever encouraging. Too many times had she seen her cousin Leo with a broken heart and thinking of giving up on love in its entirety.

"So, I wanted to ask you." Leo started to lower his voice and casually glanced around to see if anyone was close by them. "I rented out a boat for the day, a small yacht to take Ella out on the ocean but I was told to ask if you and Harry wanted to join us. We want some private time away from the family and figured you two might want the same...." Leo trailed off hinting at something he should not know.

Emilia halted her steps and turned to look up at Leo with a forced confused expression trying to play innocent and clueless as to what he was talking about. "Harry and I? I think he would want to hang with the guys today." She brushed it off playfully.

Leo angled his head down at his cousin and crossed his arms. "Emilia... come on. I know about Harry and you." The prince confessed with a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. Emilia stayed silent, unsure of how to force a lie when she knew it was futile in its efforts. She could never lie to Leo.

"How....?" Emilia lowered her gaze to the floor and became silent.

The prince breathed out deeply with a sigh before he began. "When Ella arrived last night we went for a walk along the beach and we saw Harry and you dancing... and locking lips." Leo smirked as he saw Emilia's blue eyes grow big. "You were careful, but not as careful as you thought little cousin."

Emilia held her head in her hand and groaned at the thought of Leo knowing about them. "Did Ella say anything?" The princess had confided in her friend when she returned from London that she had indeed hooked up with Harry while she was over there.

"No, nothing at all. Other than telling me to invite you two out today on the boat." Leo shrugged his shoulders and then realization hit him. "Oh....my... god..." He shook his head in shock. "Ella knows about you two doesn't she?!" Leo leaned in and saw that little glint of mischievousness dance in Emilia's eyes.

"Yes..." Emilia confessed with a light groan.

Leo stood there with his arms crossed with a shaking head. "How long has this been going on Emilia? Since London? Did Harry 'show you a real good time' there or what?" He was blunt and to the point.

"LEO!!" Emilia yelled at him and then lowered her voice knowing that her family was waiting for them quite literally around the corner. "Stop it...."

The princess became quiet and took in a deep breath while Leo waited for an answer in silence. "Something did happen in London and I acted like it didn't mean anything to me when I left..." She paused and peaked up at Leo who was displaying a genuine expression. "It did though, but I was not in a place where I could handle anything happening again. We made up and have been talking for a few months. It just so happened that Harry had to come here in place of his grandmother for the tour. When he arrived, all those feelings I had pushed away came flooding back this week and we are trying to figure out what all of this is between us... privately." Emilia confessed it all to Leo, but she knew in her heart that she could trust him to keep things quiet.

"Wow..." Leo ran his fingers through his hair while remaining silent. "Well, come on the boat with us today then you can have the time you need to figure it all out." He encouraged Emilia to do so. "If it goes for anything.... I think Harry is a good bloke and I haven't seen you smile so much as you do lately. So if he has anything at all to do with how happy you seem, then I think you two should give it a shot." Leo smiled down at the princess with a soft smile watching one come to life on her lips at his comment.

"I will run it by Harry this morning and let you know." Emilia nodded and released a deep breath. "We should head to breakfast before things get cold!"

-----------------------------------

Harry was walking beside Emilia along the dock towards the boat that her cousin Leo had rented out for the day for him and his girlfriend, Ella. An hour before, Emilia had come knocking on his door and explained what had happened with Leo and how he had found out about them. He could tell that Emilia desperately wanted some alone time with Harry to talk and knew that having a deep private conversation would be near to impossible with all of her family around watching her every move with him. So, he agreed to spend the day with Emilia and her cousin on the boat. Of course it was an easy decision for him to make.

The prince glanced down taking in the view of Emilia. His eyes roved over the skin on her body that her black and white bikini exposed. He did remember that Emilia had an amazing body from that night they had intimately spent with one another. But, he noticed how toned she had become since then no doubt from her Olympic training she had started a few weeks ago.

    Emilia lifted her head and caught the prince checking her out as he offered her a wink. She rolled her eyes at him and gave him a playful push to the side. "Eyes up Henry." She half scolded him, but also was flattered that he did enjoy what he was seeing. Emilia had been vigorously training for the Olympics and her hard work definitely started to show.

"Quite impossible." Harry muttered under his breath.

The pair had arrived at the small yacht and Emilia's face lit up in excitement. She clapped her hands together and released a small squeal of elation. "Today is so going to be so much fun!" Emilia snapped her head up to see Harry just as excited as she was.

The prince's hand settled on the small of her back, giving it a gentle rub. "I think so too." Harry had stepped onto the boat and turned back to help Emilia on. He reached out his hand to which she grasped it tightly while Harry pulled her onto the boat safely. She smiled up at him and silently looked up into his sunglasses missing seeing his deep blue eyes. Harry remained holding her hand tight while his thumb rubbed over the soft flesh of her skin on the back of her hand.

"EMILIA?!" A blonde woman came down the spiral steps from the top deck to greet them. It was Ella, Leonardo's girlfriend and Emilia's stylist. Leo was in tow behind her displaying a smirk finally seeing his cousin hand in hand with Harry.

"Ella!" Emilia remained holding on to Harry's hand as she embraced the blonde woman in a tight hug and gently swayed back and forth with her. "I am so happy to see you here!" It was evident to anyone that the two girls were quite good friends with one another.

"Me too! It is so good to see you...and...." Ella's eyes darted towards a patiently waiting prince that stood beside Emilia.

"Harry...." Emilia stepped back in beside him and peaked up at the prince before making an introduction. "Ella this is Harry. Harry this is Ella."

Harry leaned in and engulfed the small blonde into a friendly hug. "It's lovely to meet you Ella. Emilia has spoken a lot about you." The prince was kind as ever towards her friend before

moving on to her boyfriend, Leo, and greeting him.

"Hey mate, thanks for the invite to crash your party." Harry smiled warmly, being appreciative of Leo's offer.

"Of course mate." Leo wrapped his arm around his girlfriend and shared a quick glance at one another. "We figured you two might want some alone time, away from the family. What did you tell them you two were doing?"

Emilia swayed back and forth with a guilty expression. "Nothing.... We sort of just snuck out." She stifled a laugh as Harry looked down at her with a shocked expression.

"What?!" He angled his head down at Emilia. Emilia had told him that she would tell her family that they were going to go on a hike together, but clearly she did not do that.

"I am sorry.... I couldn't lie to them." Emilia bit down on her bottom lip nervously.

"Your father is going to kill me." Harry tossed his head back with a groan before starting to chuckle.

"Don't worry, it will be fine." Emilia gently rubbed her hand up and down Harry's back.

"Ahh! Don't worry. Nothing that a little alcohol can't fix." Leo turned on his heel and waved a them to follow him. "Let's get this day started off right!"

Harry clutched Emilia's hand and followed in behind Leo and Ella up to the top deck. She re-secured her beach bag up on her shoulder and sighed a breath of relief that Harry heard. He glanced down and displayed a look of concern.

"That was a heavy sigh...you ok?" They fell a few steps behind the couple.

Emilia leaned in and rested her head on Harry's shoulder while her other hand rubbed his forearm with re-assurance. "Yeah... just thinking about having that talk today." She confessed her thoughts without any hesitation.

The prince could tell that it was weighing heavily on her mind, but all he wanted was Emilia to have a day where she could relax and have a little fun. "Why don't we get settled and have a few drinks. Then we can talk and get it out of the way and chill for the rest of the day?" Harry sweetly suggested.

"Ok. I like that plan." Emilia took the first step up the spiral staircase with Harry in tow behind her.

"Harry, you need to put this on." Emilia stifled through her bag and dug out a bottle of sunscreen and held it up for him to see. He shook his head no and brushed her off. The princess rolled her eyes at the prince being a typical man, but she had another way of convincing him to put it on.

Emilia sat down right beside him and stared at the prince until his head turned to look her in the eyes. "I don't need it right now." He was insistent about it.

The princess tilted her head and pushed out her bottom lip into a pout. "That's too bad." She sighed and looked out towards the ocean. "See, I was hoping that you put it on me in return... rubbing this lotion all over my body..." Emilia let the words sink as she smirked with a lowered gaze. "But, it's fine I will get Ella to help me instead."

The princess pushed herself off of the ground beside the prince and took a step forward towards where Ella and Leo were nearly on top of each other already. She felt a light grasp tighten around her wrist and pull her back down. "No damn way Emilia. Get your ass back here." Harry had practically pulled the dark haired princess down onto his lap as Emilia giggled at his response.

She peaked up at Harry with a mischievous glint in her eyes and started to laugh. "I knew you wouldn't be able to say no."

Emilia settled herself in Harry's lap facing him in a straddle. She squirted a healthy amount of sunscreen into the palm of her hand and rubbed it together in her hands. "Let's start off with that handsome face of yours. We don't want you looking like a lobster for the rest of your tour."

The prince could feel Emilia's soft hands smoothen the sunscreen all over his body. He giggled when she innocently traced an outline of a heart over his. Harry leant in and placed a sweet kiss to her lips not even thinking twice that he had to mind his actions in front of her cousin. He felt a sense of relief that he could shower Emilia with kisses whenever he pleased. Emilia was absent mindedly tracing over the contours of his abs with her delicate fingers as her mind drifted elsewhere.

He patiently watched as she drifted off into her own mind, but he did not want Emilia to get stuck in her own head. Harry knew she was having a bit of a tough time at the moment with the pressures from her family piling on top of her and he wanted her to have a chance today to forget about it all and relax.

Emilia was forced out of her thoughts as she felt Harry snaked an arm around her back and pulled her off of him to the side. "Lay down, it's my turn."

The princess laid herself down comfortably onto the soft sun bed and released a deep sigh. Her body tensed up at first feeling the cool lotion hit her warm skin. "Relax, love." Harry's deep voice demanded her to.

While Harry was massaging the sun screen onto her body she found herself completely relaxed as his strong but gentle hands rubbed over the sore tightened muscles from her previous day's training session. By the time Harry was done with her, she was practically a noodle and refused to move from the relaxed position she was in.

A chuckling prince laid down beside her and turned his head to face the princess. Emilia opened her eyes to find Harry displaying a proud cocky smirk on his lips. "I told you I was good at giving massages."

"I know that now." Emilia closed her eyes again and drifted into a near state of slumber. She felt Harry grasp her hand and place his soft lips to the back of it in a sweet kiss. The pair of them laid there completely relaxed side by side connected with their entwined fingers as they relaxed under the warm Illyrian sun for the rest of the morning.

---------

Harry had the rest of the group in near stitches as they snacked on bits of lunch with their cocktail drinks in hand. Emilia tossed her head back in laughter beside the prince as he continued to tell them an embarrassing story of a trip he had to Africa. Their laughs slowly subsided into a quiet lull of the conversation.

The princess settled her hand on Harry's knee and took a sip of her drink. "I would love to go there sometime." Emilia commented with a beaming smile.

"I will have to take you there then." Harry was quick to reply. His head lifted to find Emilia staring at him with an adoring smile that graced her lips at the mere thought of it all.

Leo and Ella sat quietly across from them seeing the way that Harry and Emilia were looking at one another. Ella rubbed Leo's leg subtly with her hand to gain his attention. She leaned in to whisper, "Let's give them some space to talk. Why don't we head out into the water for a bit."

The prince nodded with a knowing smile as he stood up from the table. "Well, we are going to play in the ocean for a while. Let you two have some alone time together." Leo locked eyes with Emilia and saw a thankful smile grow on her lips.

"See you later mate." Harry felt Leo squeeze his shoulder before leading his girlfriend towards the back of the boat leaving Emilia and Harry on their own.

An awkward silence fell between them as Emilia shied away from the prince. She knew that it was now time to have the conversation they so desperately needed to have, but a side of her wanted to avoid having it knowing that the outcome could so drastically change the course of their relationship.

Harry could sense Emilia's apprehension and figured he would be the one to bring it up. "Emilia..." He reached out and blindly grabbed her hand in an effort to bring about some sort of comfort towards her. "Let's have that talk."

The princess's head slowly turned to face him and nodded in silence. "Yes, let's." Emilia pushed her chair back and waited for Harry to follow suit. She let Harry find a place on the boat where they could talk. He led her towards the front of the boat to a comfortable sofa that allowed them to also take in the gorgeous view of the ocean.

Harry sat down first and glanced out towards the ocean and released a deep sigh. He felt Emilia settle close in beside him as her head rested on his chest and watched him enjoy the view. "I love your country Emilia. It's very beautiful, the same with the people in it." Harry confessed lightly as he secured the small princess in his arms. He held Emilia there until she was ready to talk, letting her take the time she needed.

Emilia breathed out a heavy sigh and felt Harry's hand soothing rub down along the side of her arm in a calming and encouraging manner. She always felt supported by Harry in whatever situation she found herself in. It was like he was right there by her side and knew exactly what she needed to hear or in this case what she needed to feel to find her state of calm again.

A soft smile stretched across her lips when realization hit her. She now knew where this conversation needed to start.

The beginning.

"Do you remember that day in London when we first met?" Emilia's soft voice coaxed Harry's attention back down on her.

"Yes, of course I do." Harry's lips spread into a warm smile. "At the Invictus Games. I approached you and you clearly did not want to be seen with me." The prince lightly giggled.

"I was trying to be incognito and your presence clearly was not helping the situation at all." Emilia stated matter of factly with a hint of her sass coming through. "Anyway... London was an escape for me and I was running from things back home." Emilia continued. "From everything that was going on with Thomas."

The princess lifted her head to find a set of blue eyes staring down at her fondly, patiently waiting for Emilia to continue as he listened to her. Her hand lifted and cupped his cheek softly as her thumb rubbed over the warm flesh of his skin tenderly. "Then I met you." The sparkle in his eyes grew as she spoke about him. But, Emilia furrowed her brow and a feeling of extreme guilt crashed through her while she searched into the depths of those deep blues.

"You made me feel so safe with you that I used you for my own benefits and distractions. I knew that if I had sex with you, you wouldn't say a word to anyone about it. That you wouldn't run to the press and scream at the top of your lungs." Emilia hung her head low and averted her gaze away from the prince feeling ashamed of her actions.

She felt a finger lift her chin delicately making her look back into Harry's sincere gaze. "I know you were and I don't hold any of that against you whatsoever." There was a profound level of sincerity laced in the tone of his voice that made Emilia believe him.

Tears started to build in her icy blue eyes over the profound guilt she felt over what had happened in London. Harry's brow furrowed in concern watching the princess nearly break right before his eyes. He felt the guilt seething from her over what she had done to him, but he never held any ill will towards her for it.

He cupped her cheek tenderly with both hands and shook his head slowly pleading to Emilia with his eyes not to cry. "Don't love, please don't cry." He wiped a stray tear away that had trickled down her cheek. "I hate seeing you cry."

"That morning after I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to leave you in that bed to wake up and find that I had left but I couldn't even face myself. I was confused and only did it to protect myself." Emilia grew quiet as the prince held her head gently in his hands while listening to her whispered words. "Protecting myself from the feelings I started to feel for you..."

Those icy blue eyes peaked up at the prince through her eyelashes as she admitted the truth of why she hastily left that morning and acted the way she did. "But, those feelings never went away from me no matter how hard I tried to bury them. Even dealing with everything with Thomas, they were there." The princess confessed softly and fell into silence.

Harry cleared his throat and nodded silently, gathering his thoughts before speaking. "It did upset me the way you left. I was a bit angry initially at you for using me, but I tried to see your side of things." His hand blindly grasped her fingers and started to play with them. "I forgave you along time ago for what happened. I understood that you did it only to protect yourself and I can't fault you for that knowing what you were dealing with at the time."

"I'm sorry." Emilia angled her head at the prince.

"No need to apologize, Em."

A hint of a smile tugged at the corner of Emilia's hearing his words of understanding. She released a deep sigh and felt relieved that she had confessed to Harry why she acted the way she did in London. Emilia bit down on her bottom lip nervously as the butterflies she felt for the prince returned suddenly and built up a healthy level of anxiety within her. They still had so much to discuss and she was unsure of where to go next.

"Let's get a drink." Harry leant down and pressed a soft kiss to her temple before pulling her along behind him to the bar down the steps of the boat. It gave the pair a well needed break from their intense conversation that they were having.

Emilia led Harry back up to the top of the boat towards a canopy where they could stretch out and enjoy the sun. Harry took his place next to her and lifted his arm to invite the princess to snuggle in beside him to which she accepted his offer making herself cozy beside him.

"Now, where were we." Emilia hinted at Harry to start off the conversation again while she took a few healthy sips of her drink to gain some liquid courage.

"I believe you were about to tell me how you can't resist my handsome sexy ass." Harry turned his head to wink at Emilia while she raised a suggestive eyebrow in response.

"You do have a sexy ass." Emilia muttered while she sipped on her straw.

"I am sorry, I couldn't hear you." Harry teased the princess in his arms.

"I said you have a sexy ass from what I can remember." Emilia spoke it loud and clear this time and watched the elation grow on Harry's face.

"Not as sexy as yours, love." His eyes instinctively fell towards her chest. He felt an elbow nudge him in the ribs.

"My eyes are up here, Harry." Emilia rolled his eyes, but was flattered that he appreciated her body.

"Ok, fine. I will be serious again." Harry took in a deep breath and sighed out heavily. "Where were we? Do you want to start again?"

Emilia nodded quickly in reply. Each thing she confessed to Harry felt like a burden was being lifted off from her and she relished in the feeling it gave her. She found herself wanting to tell Harry so much more as the walls around her came crashing down and her most vulnerable sides she so often kept hidden were coming out of the dark.

"It feels so good to just talk for once." She paused briefly. "To spend some time with you like this."

"I definitely agree." His gentle smile coaxed her to continue what was on her mind.

"I just can't believe that you are actually here. I didn't believe it until you walked off the plane and down those steps." Emilia rolled over onto her stomach so she could face Harry while they talked. "I didn't realize how much I had actually missed you until that moment."

"You missed me?" A cocky smirk formed on his lips after hearing Emilia's confession.

"I did!" She angled her head up at him. "I missed the man who understood me so well. Who understands the real me. It's also what scares me so much about you."

"It scares you that I know you so well?" He narrowed his eyes in an attempt to understand her.

"Yes... It's like I innately trust you and that terrifies me to no end. You understand me like no one else ever has in my life. I don't know why, but it's scary to me that you do sometimes. It's also why I like being around you." Emilia tried her best to explain her circulating thoughts in her mind. "I am quite the guarded person, but with you, you break down those walls so easy and that's what makes me terrified as I find myself blindly trusting you without a second thought. I have never connected with someone like that ever before."

Harry's lips spread into a beaming smile hearing Emilia speak about him that way. It was a revelation to him as well that Emilia did truly trust him even when she divulged information to him in complete confidence. "You know that goes both ways Emilia. We are both spares to heirs and not a lot of people understand what happens behind the scenes so to speak. What pressures we have to face everyday. I for one am lucky to have found someone who understands me like you do. It makes my relationship with you even that more special."

The prince glanced away briefly knowing what he was about to bring up next would strike a cord within the princess. But, he had to voice his concerns about how she has changed since London. "Emilia... are you ok?" His sincere eyes fell to be met with a set of vulnerable eyes staring up at him.

He heard the princess swallow a lump in her throat and divert her gaze away from the prince, remaining silent and giving him no reply. But, in all truth, her silence answered his question more than words could ever.

Emilia was not ok.

"I know you have so much on your plate right now and pressures coming at you from all sides." The prince began to acknowledge the difficulties she was facing in her life. "But, the Emilia I met in London is not the one I am looking at right now. It seems like she has lost the fight within her, that fiesty spark." Harry was completely honest with her. "And I am worried about you."

Emilia slowly turned her head and locked in Harry's sincere gaze. "I can't be that Emilia anymore who fights everything, Henry." She shook her head and pursed her lips together. "Believe me, I miss that Emilia too."

Harry patiently waited as he watched the inner turmoil battle across her face. Emilia parted her lips to speak, but needed a few more quiet moments to think. "I think that firing my press secretary was a big move towards where I want to be." The princess started out. "As much shit I got into for it, it was for the better. I want to find someone who I can work well with and help steer me in the direction I want to go in. I want to be able to prove somehow to my grandmother that I can still be me and still do what is acceptable of her standards. But, it is going to take time to build that."

"Do you think some time away from your family would do you some good?" Harry suggested softly as he brushed a stray piece of hair off of her face.

"Possibly." Emilia nodded in agreement. "I do admit that I am struggling, Harry." The princess finally truthfully admitted. She took in a deep breath and sighed. "I wish that just being me is enough, but it's not." The smile on her lips had faded and disappeared into nothing as she stared blankly out towards the ocean, trapped in her mind.

"The thing is Emilia, you are enough just the way you are. But, in order for them to believe you, you have to believe it also. I don't think you know how amazing you truly are." A hint of smile peaked through on the corner of her lips. "And I am happy to keep telling you that until you believe it yourself because I do see that in you."

The prince's words made her heart swell and also ache at the same time. It was a nice change to hear someone like him be so supportive and encouraging of her like he had simply done all week. "I may need your help a little bit longer then." Emilia snapped her head back to see Harry nodding with an adorable grin plastered on his lips.

"Happy to be of service princess." He chuckled lightly to take the heaviness out of their conversation. "In any way, that is." Harry leaned in and whispered in her ear.

Emilia scoffed and shook her head with an eye roll. But, the big question of the day popped into the forefront of her mind. Without a second thought, Emilia freely spoke it.

"What are we then, Henry?" Their blue eyes locked together, holding each other's gaze in a lingered moment. "What is this between us?"

There was a silent pause in their conversation as Harry and Emilia looked deep into the others eyes, searching for their own answers to those questions they had been asking themselves all week. His blue eyes softened and allowed Emilia in to see his vulnerabilities at face value. The prince knew he had to be the one to start off this conversation given Emilia's past relationship. He could see the fear building in her eyes starting to create a shield up in case she was going to get hurt by him.

The last few days, Emilia had been constantly on his mind even when she was not with him. She was the first thing he thought about when he woke up and the last thing he thought about when he went to sleep, often craving to have her next to him. There was just something about her that Harry was completely enamoured by and he could not deny the chemistry between them was so palpable, it was difficult to hide on the best of days.

If Harry was to be completely honest with himself. He was falling in love with Emilia with each passing second and there was no way his mind could stop what his heart was feeling for Emilia.

The prince released a deep sigh as a sweet smile pulled at the corner of his lips. He tucked a piece of her dark hair behind her ear that was blowing across Emilia's face. Those ice blue eyes remained stagnant on him while he noticed her breath became jagged observing the outward fear her body was portraying in that moment while she waited for him to break his silence. He could not keep the nervous princess waiting any longer. Harry parted his lips to speak and to start his confession that he indeed was falling in love with Emilia.

"Emilia..." He gently spoke her name with his deep calming voice. "I cannot be friends with you..." Harry trailed off for a brief pause wanting to look into Emilia's eyes and hopefully see the fear be replaced with something else as he confessed to her. "Because I am falling in love with you."

Harry let the words sink in as he heard Emilia's breath hitch with a light gasp. The fear that had been circling in her eyes dissipated as they bore more blue and began to sparkle. "I am falling in love with every part of you. The way you laugh... it makes me instantly smile knowing that you are happy. The way your eyes are so telling that by one mere look at you I can tell what your mind is thinking. But, most of all it's the way you never give up on yourself and the way you treat others with such kindness and empathy. You aren't afraid to show your emotions as a royal and people love that about you. I love that you are different and you stand up for what you believe in." The prince took a deep breath in and sighed. "So I can't be just friends with you and I cannot fall more in love without you."

Harry let the words of his confession of falling in love with the princess sink in to Emilia. He was comforted knowing that a beaming smile was forming on her lips as the fearful expression on her face was morphed into a genuine happy one.

It was Emilia's turn to take that leap of faith and share what her heart had been dying to tell Harry. The princess cupped Harry's cheek in her soft hand and gazed up into those ocean eyes with a tilted head. "I am falling in love with you too." The words escaped her lips so easily and without a second thought. "And it scares me how hard I am falling for you, Henry." The prince could practically see her heart pounding from her chest.

"It's those ocean eyes." Emilia softly whispered as she tenderly stroked his cheek with her thumb. "I am so scared of them sometimes." The princess closed her eyes and bowed her head. Harry pressed his lips gently against her forehead before resting his own head against it. "Because they see through my walls and they see me for who I am."

Emilia released a shaky breath as her hands started to tremble. The prince saw her shaking hands and wanted to take away all the fears circling in her mind. He cupped her cheek and soothingly rubbed it softly. "Don't be scared..." Harry could tell how difficult this was for Emilia especially after everything she had been through with Thomas and he only knew what the public knew.

She lifted her head up off of Harry's forehead to stare once again into the depths of those eyes. "I am scared that I am going to hurt you. That you are going to hurt me. And that I will lose you. But, I am willing to take a leap of faith because I need you in my life, Henry." Emilia pursed her lips together and shook her head. "It's so much more with you in it. You won't fall in love without me." The princess looked up at Harry with an adorable smile formed on her lips. Her blue eyes were shining as they emanated happiness.

"I want to be with you, Henry."

Emilia bit down on her bottom lip as she witnessed a beaming smile appear on Harry's lips. All she wanted in that moment was to feel his lips collide with hers. "Kiss me." The words freely fell from her lips.

Harry smirked and gave a small nod before closing the distance in between them. He paused a few inches away from her lips and felt her hot breath float across his mouth. A cheeky grin formed on his lips as he made the princess wait. "Not until you agree to be my girlfriend." Harry playfully asked.

A light moan escaped Emilia's at the awaited anticipation of his kiss. Emilia angled her head and closed the distance even further between them as their lips were nearly touching. She knew how to play this game too. "Ask me again... properly." Her hushed voice demanded.

It took all within the prince not to devour Emilia's lips. He knew that she was tempting him and he would not be the one to cave in. "Emilia Andelle." Harry spoke her full name. "Will you be my girlfriend?" The prince wished he could have captured the way Emilia looked in that moment. The look of pure happiness he had yet to witness was evident all over her face and it was all because of him.

"Yes, I want to be your girlfriend." Before Emilia could say another word, Harry lips had collided with hers and captured them in a passionate kiss.

Emilia wrapped her arms around the back of Harry's neck and pulled him down on top of her. Harry shifted his weight above Emilia, careful not to crush the princess beneath him. The prince continued to attack Emilia's lips with fervour and urgency, having longed to feel them again brushing up against his own. He captured Emilia's tiny moans when he maneuvered himself between her legs and accidentally brushed himself against her bikini bottoms.

The princess melted beneath Harry into a cloud of hazy lust. She wrapped her legs around the prince and moaned while biting down on her bottom lip. Harry's member rubbed up against her again driving her mad. The prince was deliberate with his kisses as he led the make out session between them as Emilia surrendered complete control to him.

She broke her lips off of him with much reluctance but she had to catch her breath. "Slow down, Harry." Emilia breathlessly spoke. With the direction of where things were going it would not be long before they could not stop their urges and had their way with one another right there on the yacht. But, Emilia did not want that, she needed to do things properly this time.

"Fuck, I want you so bad Emilia." Harry's mind was already there, she could feel his member starting to get hard, but she had to stop it.

Emilia pressed her lips softly against Harry's in a gentle slow kiss. She cupped his cheek as she trailed down the side of his neck, showering him with sweet gentle kisses to calm him. "I know... I want you too." The princess placed one hand on his chest and gave him a light push back to change positions so that she was on top straddling him now. Emilia continued to kiss down Harry's chest then found his lips again.

"We can't do it here and I want to do things proper this time." Emilia voiced her concerns to Harry. It took all of her self control to not have Harry in that moment, especially with how she was sitting on him while his semi-hard cock rubbed against her sensitive spot through their bathing suits.

A set of hands gripped her hips tightly and forced her to stop moving. "Then stop grinding your hips on my bits." The prince growled and sat up to face Emilia to capture her lips one more time.

Emilia shyly giggled. "Sorry, Harry."

A comfortable silence fell between them as Emilia continued to sit on Harry's lap while they stared fondly at each other. Harry could tell Emilia wanted to ask him something as she parted her lips and then shook her head no as if not to break the moment between them.

"What is on your mind, gorgeous?" His brow furrowed with concern.

Emilia's gaze dropped as she fidgeted nervously with her hands and bit down on her lower lip. "Can we keep things between us for a while...until I get things more sorted with my grandmother. Keep things private for now. I don't want to drag you into my mess." The shy princess admitted.

"Of course. I thought that would be the best option for now as well, Emilia." He lifted her chin with his finger, wanting to glance into those mesmerizing eyes of hers. "We don't need outside pressures in our relationship right now."

The princess sighed a breath of relief knowing that Harry was on the same page as her. But, it only brought up more questions. "How... how is this going to work?" She sought his thoughts on the matter.

"It will have to be long distance for the time being. But, we will just have to ensure we make time for one another. I will come see you here in Illyria and you will come to London." Harry made it seem so simple in a way like it was no big deal and nothing to stress about.

"You make it seem so simple, Henry." Emilia smiled softly.

"Don't over think things, Emilia." He placed a quick kiss to her cheek and smiled. "Zara has said the Olympic trials are going to be held in London for some countries in a few weeks."

Emilia nodded her head. "Yup, they are. I will be in London for about two weeks I think."

"Where are you going to stay?" He curiously asked the princess, hoping that some of her time would be spent with him at Kensington.

"At Belmond Cadogan." Emilia tried to remember the name. "I think it's in West London."

Harry scoffed lightly. "It's in Knightsbridge. Pretty swanky hotel, fit for a princess and just so happens to be pretty damn close to Hyde Park."

"Then I guess you will be seeing a lot of me then.." Emilia giggled with a beaming grin.

"Means I can take you on a proper date..." The prince suggested.

Emilia found herself staring up into those ocean eyes once again, but this time she was not scared. She was completely happy having made her decision to be Harry's girlfriend.

"Yes, we should go on a proper date." Emilia leaned in and dared to kiss Harry one more time as she pressed her lips against his. "But, for now I think I we should test out those jet ski's. What do you think? I can take you to these caves that aren't far away."

"That sounds pretty awesome."

For the rest of the day, Harry and Emilia played in the ocean and enjoyed their time drinking and relaxing in the sun while hanging out with Leo and Ella. They tested out the hot tub on the yacht and watched the sun set over the Illyrian ocean.

#prince harry #prince harry fanfic #fanfic #phff #prince harry fanfiction #chapters #chapter14 #harryandemilia #boundtoyouphff

[softspiderling]

swanky fortune - part nine | t.h.

Summary: Tom almost made you forget the downsides of spending time with a famous movie star, but then again, it wasn’t really his job to remind you of them

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Song I listened to while writing: Mad Love by Mabel

Author’s Note: helloooo I literally was procrastinating writing this chapter even tho I wrote a third of it right after I posted part eight I’m a desaster

Warnings: a lot of cursing and slightly steamy scene I guess? lol idk

Word Count: 4,3k

Masterlist

Teaser | Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven | Part Eight | Part Nine | Part Ten 

Tom pressed on the call button before he put his phone to his ear, patiently waiting as it rang. It was still fairly early in the morning and he was sure that you were still asleep, so he climbed back in bed after having brushed his teeth not wanting to wake you too soon.

The same couldn’t be said about his best mate, though.

“You better have a good reason for calling me this early,” Harrison groaned when he picked up the phone and Tom grinned.

“Good morning to you too, Haz. Late night?”

“Harry and Tuwaine dragged me out clubbing again and we didn’t come home until three, so yeah,” he sighed through the phone. “Don’t tell me you’re just calling me to ask me what we were up to last night.”

Tom turned in his bed and looked at the different framed photos you had on your desk. You had insisted on sleeping in Luisa’s bedroom and let him have yours the night before. It was odd to see your room without you in it, but he felt like he got to know you even more with every detail he discovered in your bedroom. It wasn’t like he was snooping around, but the way you decorated your walls or what kind of things you had on your desk really said a lot about a person.

“Uh no, I was actually calling to tell you about my own night.”

“OH!” Harrison sounded much more awake now and Tom could picture him sitting up in his bed to be fully aware.

“Definitely tell me about your night. How’s Y/N? Did she like your surprise?”

“She’s great,” Tom answered with a smile on his face and Harrison hummed. It was a brief answer and definitely not enough details, but Harrison knew his best friend to know what this meant.

“I see. Anything else you want to tell me?”

“Uh we went out for drinks and I met her friends, who were really nice by the way and uh, yeah. Oh, and we kissed.” He mentioned nonchalantly and with a grin he heard Harrison splutter.

“You did?! You div, why didn’t you lead with that? That’s so great to hear! How was it?”

Tom laid back on his back and stared at the ceiling, his cheeks pink when he thought of the kiss from last night.

“It was really good Haz. I just couldn’t help myself- she was wearing my leather jacket and her cheeks were red from all the beer we’ve had and then, ugh. There’s just something about her.”

“You really like her a lot, huh?”

“I do, yeah.”

“Does that mean you’re together now? You know, officially?”

Tom hesitated, biting on his lip.

“I don’t really know, to be honest. We haven’t really spoken about it.”

Harrison groaned and Tom winced.

“Mate, this is basically just the same that happened the last time you two kissed. You have to talk to her about this. I mean, what even are the two of you?”

Tom sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I know, Harrison. I’ll talk to her today, I swear.”

“You should. It’ll help,” Harrison promised, before he let out a loud yawn.

“Alright I’ll let you get back to sleep. I think Y/N’s up now, so I have to get up,” Tom said into his phone and pushed the blanket to the side as he sat up.

“Okay then. Let me know how that talk goes, okay?”

“I will. Thanks, Haz. Love you, mate.”

“Love you too Tommy,” Harrison said before he hung up.

Tom shut his phone off before he ran a hand over his face with a groan, stilling when he heard a knock on the door.

“Tom you up?” you asked, your voice muffled through the closed door.

He swung his legs out of the bed and opened the door with a breathless smile.

“Morning love!” he greeted you brightly and he could tell that you needed a second to avert your eyes from his naked chest, a hint of pink on your cheeks.

“Morning.”

Tom smirked and reached out to stroke over your cheek gently. “Take a picture, it lasts longer.”

Scoffing, you flipped him off and headed to the kitchen, with Tom trudging behind you, tugging a t shirt over his head.

“Do you want coffee or tea?” you asked as you headed over to your coffee machine to get it started, glancing at his direction when he grabbed two mugs out of the cabinet.

What the fuck was he doing feeling so comfortable in your kitchen already? Then again, he did spend god knows how long in your kitchen cooking for you. It made sense that he got familiar with all your cupboards and shelves.

“Coffee,” he replied, with a teasing grin. “I only drink English tea, darling.”

You rolled your eyes and turned the coffee machine on, turning around to reply to him, when he caged you in with his arms, placing the mugs on the counter on either side of you. The goosebumps on your neck started spreading to your arms when he swooped down to kiss you, his hands holding your cheek gently.

Though caught by surprise, you reciprocated the kiss with a soft sigh, your hands snaking around his neck to pull him closer. Tom quickly got the hint and it wasn’t long until he hoisted you up on the counter, his mouth still working yours eagerly as he licked into your mouth with his tongue, pressing his body closer against yours.

Your toes curled at all the sensations you were feeling at the same time and you felt a shudder run down your spine, before you pulled away from him, your mouths separating with a smacking sound. Turning to the side to push the mugs towards the coffee machine, you knew he was staring at you because you could feel the blush creeping up your neck.

Regaining your composure, you turned back to face him and Tom was grinning fondly at you.

Dork.

“Stop staring at me,” you demanded and he poked your nose with his finger before he moved to pour your coffee mugs, a smug grin still clearly visible on his face.

“So,” he started, handing you your coffee while preparing his own. “What’s on the agenda today?”

You pursed your lips, stirring milk and sugar into your coffee. “I was thinking of going to lunch at a lovely Italian restaurant I know and then I really hope that you brought some sunglasses because I’m going to show you around the city, because the weather is amazing.”

Tom glanced out the window with his coffee mug on his lips, humming in agreement. “Sounds like a good plan. Do you think you can show me your university?”

“Why would you want to see my university?”

“I just want to see how you spend your days and I guess I like how different it is compared to my life,” he shrugged and you eyed him in amusement before nodding, thrumming your fingertips on the counter.

“Yeah okay, why not. It’s probably not going to be that crowded either.”

You suddenly were reminded of the last time you almost got crushed by screaming fans and paparazzi and shook your head out before jumping down from the counter.

“Breakfast?”

“Breakfast.”

The two of you didn’t fumble long with breakfast, eager to spend the sunny day outside and with stomachs filled with some scrambled eggs and toast, you walked out in the warm summer air, the sun shining brightly on your naked skin.

Even though it hasn’t been 24 hours since your last (admittedly very awkward) outing, it still felt like a lot has changed between the two of you even without having to talk about it. That was why it was almost an instinct for you to reach out to lace your hand with Tom’s and the smile that resulted from that made it even better.

Your first stop was campus and taking the subway, which was slightly more crowded than you thought it would be, had Tom hide his face in the crook of your neck, with his cap backwards on his head and your hand resting lazily over his shoulder.

A few looks from passing people were shot in your direction but it was more of a disapproving of the PDA you were showcasing than a sign of recognizing a famous actor walking among them. But you couldn’t say that you cared, honestly. You were too busy giggling at his behavior, your skin warm from the sun and from his warm breath that was fanning out on your collarbone.

Campus was luckily not that busy. There was the occasional student rushing through campus but you knew from your own experience that they were far too preoccupied with their own thoughts and worries to notice their surroundings.

“So the library is over there and the cafeteria is in the building next to it,” you told Tom, walking backwards so you could look at him while you talked.

“I mostly spend my time in the library to do research or to study, like basically every other student and yeah. Lecture halls are over there and this is our beautiful campus,” you concluded with a dramatic flourish of your arms.

“Have you ever thought about a career in tour guiding?”

Tom was wearing a teasing smile and you tsked when you fell back into step with him. “You think you’re really funny, don’t you?”

“I do actually, yeah. Didn’t you know that my dad is a comedian?”

Lunch was equally amazing. For the first time since you’ve known Tom, he was taking advantage of his stardom and asked for a private little corner table at the restaurant, which the staff were happy to give to you.

“Oh my god I’m so full,” Tom groaned, looking down at his half-eaten pizza. You shrugged with your shoulders, putting your napkin down on your empty plate.

“I told you not to order a whole pizza. Their whole concept is huge pizzas, what made you think you’re any different from the rest of their customers?” you chastised him and his eyes darkened, the crease between his eyes deepening.

“I always finish my food, how was I supposed to know that their pizzas are huge?”

“Because I told you and so did the waitress, Tom.”

“Whatever,” he grumbled and flagged down the waitress to wrap up the pizza to take home. You and the waitress exchanged knowing looks when she picked up your plates, with Tom narrowing his eyes at you while he put his wallet on the table.

“Nuh-uh!” you protested and snatched his wallet off the table before he had time to react. “You’re not paying for lunch.”

Tom whined, holding his hand out to demand his wallet back from you. “Y/N! Give me back my wallet!” You shook your head and dropped his wallet into your purse, smiling at the waitress when she handed you the bill.

“Just let me pay for god’s sake, Tom and stop whining about it.”

“Thank you and have a nice day!” the waitress said when you paid the bill, clearing the rest of the table while you and Tom bid your good byes, leaving the restaurant.

“That was so rude of you,” he told you and you frowned, glancing at him.

“Why was that rude? 20% tip was more than enough.”

He rolled his eyes and wrapped an arm around your shoulder to pull you closer as you walked on the sidewalk with no particular destination in mind.

“I was talking about you taking my wallet when I was offering to pay for lunch, dummy.”

Pleased, you shrugged with your shoulders and glanced up at him with a smile. “Just because you’re loaded doesn’t mean I’m going to let you pay for everything, we’re in the 21st century.”

You could see him smirk out of the corner of your eye and smiled to yourself, leaning your head on his arm. The rest of the day was spent with showing Tom around the city you’ve grown to love since you’ve moved here for university. It wasn’t the biggest city, but it had some beautiful spots and was definitely charming. The good weather made a lot of people spend their days in the park or getting ice cream, but nevertheless you two managed to keep yourselves on the down-low.

After stopping at food truck for a quick dinner, you made your way back to your apartment. It wasn’t that late yet, but all the walking and the sun constantly shining down on your made you weary and tired.

“How was that petty of me?”

“I literally saw you grinning so hard when the old man told that woman off for standing directly in front of the subway door when it opened.”

Laughing, you pushed open the door of your apartment building, looking back at him, your eyes crinkling. “I hate it when people do that, so the woman had that coming.”

“That is literally the definition of petty, love.”

Heading up the stairs, you two continued squabbling and it felt good to be so carefree and light, especially because Tom made you feel like you were the only person left on the world. Throughout the day he had kept all his attention on you. You were pretty sure that he never even glanced at his phone for more than the five seconds he needed to take a picture. You wished for every day to be like this one.

But unfortunately, it couldn’t be.

And you were reminded of that fact in form of a well-dressed man standing in front of your apartment door, the sound of your laughter pulling his attention away from his phone to the two of you. Puzzled, you looked at him and Tom stopped in his tracks when he came up the stairs behind you.

“Jeff, what are you doing here?”

Jeff, you’ve heard that name before.

“You weren’t picking up your phone.”

“Yeah, because I’m not working right now,” Tom ground out and it dawned on you. Jeff, his agent. The same agent who he had an argument with before you left Los Angeles.

The man who was standing front of your door because Tom wasn’t answering his phone.

“Doesn’t mean you can ignore my calls Tom.”

Both men seemed annoyed and you eyed them carefully, pulling the key out of your purse. “Uhm, do you maybe want to come inside? I don’t think you want to talk about this where my neighbors could hear you, do you?”

“No, it’s fine, Y/N-“

“That would be perfect, thank you.” Jeff interrupted Tom and you pressed your lips together before unlocking the door, letting the two men step inside before closing the door.

“Uh, you can go into the living room,” you offered awkwardly and Jeff nodded curtly, waltzing through the doorway like he owned it.

Tom furrowed his brows when he looked at you, reaching out to squeeze your arm gently. “I am really sorry about this Y/N, I didn’t know that he was going to come here, honestly I don’t even know how he knew that I was here in the first place. But he’ll leave shortly, okay?”

You gave him a tight smile and nodded, following him to the living room where Jeff was sitting at the living room.

“Alright Jeff, get it out with,” Tom sighed, motioning for you to sit before he sat down next to you.

Jeff raised an eyebrow at you. “You think it’s appropriate for her to stay for the conversation?”

Wow.

“I can leave,” you said, standing up but Tom grabbed your hand, looking at you with pleading eyes, so you sat back down, folding your hands on the table.

“Her name is Y/N. And I’m not letting you scare her off in her own home,” he told his manager and Jeff leaned back in his chair, shrugging.

“Fine with me. I think Y/N is distracting you from your work and it’s not good.”

You blanched at his words and even though Jeff didn’t seem to like having you here for the conversation, it was certainly looking he was taking advantage of your presence.

“How is she distracting me when I’m not even working right now?” Tom asked, taking the cap off his head and tossing it on the table. There was an edge to his voice and you already knew at this point that this conversation was not going to be pleasant.

“You know that you’re always working, Tom. Right now you should be promoting Far From Home and urging your fans to be going to the theater to watch the film instead of strolling around the city,” Jeff spoke sharply, sending an icy look in your direction.

Holding your gaze as he stared you down, you didn’t even blink until he averted his eyes back to Tom. It wasn’t hard to tell that Jeff wasn’t overly fond of you.

“I did everything SONY has told me to do and more. You know I like staying close to my friends, have you even seen my Instagram posts?”

Jeff scoffed and opened the folder he was keeping under his arm. “I mean more like interviews and photoshoots with magazines. Do you even know how many people want you on their cover? This is your prime and you should take advantage of that.” He pointed at different high fashion brand names that were listed in his folder, seeming excited, but Tom only pinched the bridge of his nose.

“We already talked about this,” he groaned in annoyance. “Why do you keep bringing this up when you know that it’s my decision to make and that I don’t want to do it?”

Snapping the folder shut again, Jeff’s jaw ticked when he lifted his gaze to look at Tom before glancing at you. “You working another promotional method then?”

You felt uneasy, not liking the direction the conversation was taking.

“I am not sure if it’s working, though.”

“What are you talking about?” Tom asked, confusion written across his face.  

Jeff pointed at you. “I think fans like Zendaya better than Y/N so maybe you should get back to your colleague.”

“Excuse me?” You were appalled at the accusation and your cheeks tinted red, embarrassed, while Tom sported a similar redness to his face, though he wasn’t exactly flustered.

“Are you fucking serious right now Jeff?”

Even though you knew that Tom’s anger wasn’t directed at you, you still flinched his tone, but he quickly reached out to take your hand in his to calm you, and probably also yourself down, while his eyes were trained on his agent.

“Not only did you come here unannounced but now you’re also insulting Y/N, Zendaya and me at the same time? Even though she was so nice to invite you into her home instead of turning you away like she should have?”

“Tom-“ Jeff started, but Tom shook his head, cutting him off.

“No, Jeff, now it’s time for you to listen. You know how thankful I am for everything you’ve done for me but I am an adult and I can make my own decisions. And just because I owe a lot to you doesn’t mean you can go around acting like I’m working for you when it’s actually the other way around. The only reason why I’m not firing you right this second is that my mum actually went through a lot to hire you as my agent, so we’ll talk about this after my break,” Tom finished, standing up so quickly the chair almost toppled over hadn’t you grabbed it just in time.

Jeff was staring at Tom with wide eyes and even though he was quivering a bit, he got up as well, leaving without another word while Tom held the door open for him. Too bad Jeff didn’t take the tension with him when he left, because you didn’t dare to say a word when Tom returned to the living room, looking exhausted and tired.

“I’ll just head to bed if you don’t mind,” he said timidly and you nodded quickly.

“Yeah, of course, uh, you can go ahead and use the bathroom first.”

Tom gave you a small smile and trudged into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Taking a few deep breaths to compose yourself, you went to get changed. As you pulled your pajamas over your head, you heard the bathroom door open followed by footsteps, before another door shut close faintly. You peeked into the dark hallway and you could see a strip of light coming out below the door of your bedroom, before it flickered out.

Your heart was heavy at the sight, and after a quick visit to the bathroom, you climbed into Luisa’s bed, still shaken up about what just happened. Admittedly, Jeff was out of line coming at Tom and you like this, but you couldn’t help but wonder if you were really distracting Tom from his work, because that was the least thing you wanted to do. You tried to fall asleep, but your mind kept wandering back to Jeff and all the thing’s he’s said.

Minutes, maybe even hours passed.

Tossing around in the bed, unable to sleep, you glanced at the clock, sighing at the time it was showing. The blankets pushed back and legs swung of bed, you got up. Maybe a glass of milk would help.

Tiptoeing into the kitchen with the light from your phone guiding you, you poured yourself a glass of milk before drinking it quickly, sighing with the empty glass in your hand. Putting the milk back into the fridge, you returned to Luisa’s bedroom when you heard a clatter from within your own bedroom.

With narrowed eyebrows, you stopped in front of the door and knocked lightly, waiting for a few seconds before Tom opened the door for you.

He looked tired and his hair was messy, but he didn’t look like you had just pulled him out of a good night’s sleep.

“You okay?”

Tom nodded and ran his hand through his hair with a sigh. “Yeah, I just can’t sleep. Sorry if I woke you.”

You could tell that he was still aggravated and it didn’t take mind reading for you to know that it was about Jeff.

“You didn’t wake me. Can’t sleep either,” you told him and gave him a small smile, before rocking back and forth on the heels of your feet.

“Uhm, I’ll let you get back to bed. I’ll see you in the morning, yeah?”

You gave him a small wave and walked back to your bedroom.

“Y/N, wait,” Tom called out and you turned to him. “Do you, uh- Would you maybe like to sleep with me?”

He cringed, his cheeks pinking.

“I mean, in your bed. Share, I mean.”

Smiling dumbly, you nodded a yes and brushed past him into your bedroom, while he closed the door behind you. You quickly climbed into the bed and under the covers, leaving plenty of space on the other side of the bed for Tom.

Laying pin-straight on the mattress, a far cry from the usual starfish you usually did, and you let out a breath when he slipped beneath the blankets on the other side of the bed. A couple of minutes passed while you stared at the ceiling and you weren’t sure if Tom had already fallen asleep, but you inched your hand in his direction anyway.

It slowly crept across the mattress until your fingers grazed his hand and you stilled, holding your breath. You finally exhaled when he intertwined his fingers with yours and a smile spread on your face, before you rolled over to your side, just to see him mere inches away from your nose.

“Hi,” you whispered and he smiled at you, reaching out to stroke the hair out of your face.

“Hi,” he mumbled back, staring at you with soft eyes before he spoke up again.

“I am sorry about Jeff. He was out of line and he never should have come here. I’ll deal with him as soon as I get back to work, I promise.”

Frowning, you squeezed his hand tightly.

“You don’t have to apologize on his behalf, Tom.”

The crinkles in his forehead were deep and it was clear to you that he might be even more upset about his agent’s behavior towards you than you were.

“Yes I do, he’s my agent and if it weren’t for me, he never would have been so rude to you.” He said quietly and scooted closer to him, leaning your forehead against his.

“Jeff is his own person and he makes his own decisions, just like you are your own person, remember? He made his decision to be rude so it’s him who should apologize to me, not you. You didn’t do anything wrong, you have to understand that,” you told him and he smiled at you, placing a soft kiss on your nose.

His voice was quiet, but still gentle when he said: “Thank you Y/N.”

“’course,” you whispered, snuggling closer to him and he wrapped his arms around you, as the two of you slowly fell into a deep slumber in each other’s arms.

There was a certain weight around your shoulders when you woke up slowly, your nose pressed against something warm. Your eyes fluttered open when you realized your face was smushed into Tom’s chest and with a dopey smile, you closed your eyes again. You weren’t sure what it was that woke you, when a phone pinged again and then again and again. It sounded like it was coming from both sides of the room.

“Tom it’s your phone,” you grumbled and he groaned, rolling over to check his phone while you checked yours.

It was a bunch of messages from all of your friends and a few from the twins and Harrison, and what seemed like a thousand of new instagram followers, and as you opened Luisa’s text, you heard Tom mutter a quiet:

“Oh fuck.”

Luisa: GIRL YOU’RE IN THE TABLOIDS????

Luisa: [picture attached] MASKS OFF! Tom Holland swings out of London to meet his real-life Mary Jane and it’s not Zendaya! Swipe up to read more!

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[narperist]

Long post ahead;

Dominique, since you’ve been trying to drag me into this lately, here is your response. You wat me in? You’ll get me in. 

Firstly, before anything, let’s scientificly analyze the video Miss Haughton has posted, shall we?

PS; I will be using a lot of screenshots, etc in this, to point out my words even further and to make it easier for folks to understand. Since i will be using body language and facial micro-expressions to point out her behaviour, etc, i will use example photos of others aswell to compare so you will understand better. My entire video analysis will be based on science, studies on the face, micro expressions, etc. Because no matter how well someone may be able to lie or fake an emotion, or hide an emotion, faces don’t lie. And it’s the same in everyone, no matter who you are, what race, age, gender you are.

Right off the bat, the constant movement of hands and the body, that’s how a human body shouts nervousness and anxiety.

As she says “My blog has been pretty inactive”, look close to her lips, do you see the mouth shrug? A big lip shrug. That expression of one’s face is guilt. I’m unsure if she feels guilty for not being active, or guilty of the reason she is inactive. It’s also an expression on makes when they have no confidence in what they are saying. 

Example comparison; 

“I stepped away from Tumblr.... “ pause “Mostly for my mental health”. The eye movement whilst the words spoken, shows Miss Haughton was unsure of how to form that senteance. As she says she struggles really hard with seasonal depression, her face is sincere. So my condolences for that you suffer from such thing.

She enforces her senteance “i struggle with speech, i DON’T like it” with hand gestures. Pretty convincing. Though, the small curl on the corner of her lips does tell otherwise. It seems she almost enjoys speaking out like so.

Again, while speaking about stepping away from tumblr, an expression of shame appears on her face. Once again, unsure if it’s because she is shamed of why she stepped away, or that she stepped away.

Example comparison; 

Also, don’t think it’s gone without being noticed, it is quite clear that you highly dislike Nicole. There is a big expression of contempt on your face while you mention her. One side of the lip tightened, pulled slightly, it’s a very clear micro expression. You say you would sit down with her and speak over things, but you contempt her.

Example comparison; 

Miss Haughton, are you sure you want to discuss this matter you’re speaking of in the video? Because there is anger painted all over your face while you say you’re going to discuss it. Adding up with the expressions of shame, etc from earlier, i hope you know even only 3 minutes into your video, it is clear that you are being pushed into filming this.

Example comparison;

It’s also almost amusing when you lie. “I refuse to make assumtions about people”, couldn’t be any less clear of a lie. Classic one sided shoulder shrug. You had no confidence in your words, you knew you were lying when you said that. Amusing.

Damn, here’s a face of BIIIIG contempt. You didn’t even attempt to hide this one.

Example comparison;

“And i had never told Gerard this. I have never told Gerard....” Repeating senteances, enforcing your statement. Of course you told Gerard about it. My, you’re a terrible liar, aren’t you?

“When Gerard was telling me about his ex, he never used the word ‘crazy’ “. Girl. GIRL.... I literally have a voice record from Gerard himself where he says “i have a crazy ex who’s after to ruin my fucking life and likes to lie alot”. His exact fucking words. I can post that voice record from him if you want, just ask!

Why are you holding that pen against your lips? That’s a unconscious ‘shush’ motion. What do you have to say that you had to unconsciously shush yourself to stop?

“He never once called her crazy”

You know what, your face says it all. I don’t even need to word out this one;

What are you so anxious about when you’re talking about calling Nicole ‘crazy’? Put your voice on an analyzer program, you can very easily hear the rising nervousness in your voice. Next.

Let’s move from facial micro expressions into the body language a little. Legs crossed, knees pulled up to the chest, arms crossed over the legs on the bottom side. That’s vulnerability. Once more adding up to everything; you have no confidence in anything you are talking about. You are afraid. You are unconsciously shouting with your body and face that you don’t want to be here and don’t want to be doing this. Makes me wonder if Gerard is there with you to watch while he’s (probably) making you record this.

Man, the lack of confidence when you say “I’m an adult” is almost sad. You’re not trying to make us believe you’re an adult, you’re actually trying to make yourself believe that you’re an adult but you know that you aren’t. It’s sad.

“He never knew me as a minor. He NEVVVVER knew me as a minor”. Once again, repeating of senteance to enforce it onto people to believe. You know that senteance is a lie, which is why you’re especially pushing that senteance to ensure people believe it. Next.

I’m going to skip ahead a bit and cut this post shorter because i ain’t got the time to detail out every single second of this thing.

Why is your voice shaking a lot halfway through this now? Don’t bother answering, we know the answer. What are you so afraid of, though? Was he there with you while you recorded?

On the side from this all, i just want to add my own comment on one thing you say,

One of your biggest goals of life is to get married? Really? Are you THAT shallow of a person? And you wonder why everyone says you’re too young to understand things or questions your intelligence. 

I see you have a lot of confidence while talking about your job and you  are proud of it. I’m glad to see that. Very good for you, lass.

Voice pitch getting higher again, you’re starting to talk faster too. And again, you are shouting that you are nervous. My dude, are you okay?

Skipping the getting a text, walking out of the mall with the security, etc part, because there isn’t much to say about that period.

Nicole didn’t out his deadname. He outed it himself, putting it up on a public page for all to see. She only pointed that out.

Speaking of which, what the fuck do you think you’re doing posting screenshots of a private conversation between Nicole’s family member with her username up out there visible. You *know* about the amount of people that support/defend you and go to attack Nicole and other people because of the things you say. Can you not think that because of that you’ve also given those people another person to go and attack? 

Around after that, for a good while, there’s just discomfort on your face and body language. I’m not going to take the time to screenshot and point out every single one, but you’ll know what i mean when looking at the video. You’re just so uncomfortable and discouraged, and from time to time, your pupils dialate. There’s fear in your eyes here and there. Are you really that afraid of him?

By the Outsider’s name, this is getting hard to watch. Nearly anyone with the smallest bit of understanding of body language and voice reading can easily tell that you’re being forced to make this video and say what you’re saying. That you’re afraid, uncomfortable, discouraged. If he’s going to force you to make these kind of things, tell him to at least teach you how to lie better so that next time (if) i ever write out something like this, i’ll at least have more fun doing the analysis.

Ah, here it is. Increasing of cussing, another period of voice increasing. Nervous, aren’t you?

Another expression of guilt and shame. Why are you feeling guilty after saying that Nicole “needs help”? Here’s a wild guess, maybe it’s because he is making you say it? Such a mindblowing idea, ain’t it?

Skipping forward a bit more again, because i’m bored.

Sidenote, don’t call my sister a bitch again.

Oh, you’re bringing my name into this now, i see. (Which is also the entire reason i’m finally speaking up now. I’ve kept silent about this whole thing for a long time, but if you’re going to keep bringing up my name and pull/drag me into this, then i will come in. You want me in this? I will be in this. I’ll fucking enter it like Aragorn entered Helm’s Deep.)

I’ll talk about that whole thing involving me in another thing, this post is for analyzing the video. So, give it a while, i’ll get to that too.

And don’t think i didn’t realize you called me “she” in that video. 

Moving on,

Again, just more discourage and discomfort, visibly forced to say what you’re saying. I’m starting to get tired and feel like i’m repeating myself like a roken record here. So i’ll skip more.

Nevermind. There isn’t really anything else to say about this except repeating myself over and over. So yeah. Here’s another episode of “face&body-reading-with-your-local-plague-doctor”. Enjoy your day.

@moonflaws 

#moonflaws

[dysperdis]

tw: traumablogging, talking about suicide & abuse, sexual trauma.

I need to get this shit out, in one big chunk, before I lose track of it.

I keep wondering why the fuck Beru decided to spend so long treating me like shit. Do they just hate me? Was I just a convenient target? Did they realize they'd let their mask slip in front of me & decided I needed to go? Why did the abuse start so immediately? 

Beru basically started moving in within a week after I said it wasn't fair of the two of them to jump straight into the "overly-obsessed new couple" stage of a relationship without so much as a heads up to the other two people involved with this relationship, long before I had any inkling that they were actually already fucking by that point. By week 3, the complaints were pouring in about how "unwelcome" I was making Beru feel by, say, insisting that they tell the other people living in the suite when they're going to spend the night before putting on their pyjamas and setting up on the couch, or letting me know to make food that Beru could eat without taking over the single bathroom in the house for most of the evening (& of course, they "didn't want to make extra work" by saying anything when I was asking them to simply let me know before I started making food!), or literally any frustration I expressed over my boundaries being ignored, all of which were delivered to me by Monica, not Beru, but very clearly as a result of Beru's complaints. I wasn't allowed to set any boundaries; I could be lying half dressed in my bed with Monica with the door shut having a conversation & Beru would invite themselves not just into the room or conversation, but *into my fucking bed* without so much as a word to me. These violations were constant, and at the same time I was pressured into doing more to facilitate the relationship, including chauffeuring the two of them around so they could go to Beru's apartment (did I mention yet that Beru lived alone, and could have been inviting Monica to visit them instead of invading my only available workspace & telling me that wanting to work there made me an asshole?)

The "sleepovers" happening at random most nights a week over that summer were undermining my ability to do any work for the upcoming events I was paying for table space at, space I shared with Beru because I wasn't confident of my own ability to fill a table & thought a "friend" might be able to help. I was explicitly told that wanting to work in the living room overnight for creative work when no one else was awake to use  it was an unfair attempt to monopolize and dominate the suite's common space. Even after I asked Beru to spend time away from the home  because I felt like the lack of boundaries was incredibly unhealthy for me, I still felt obliged to facilitate the relationship in ways that continued to deny me a chance to set any sort of healthy boundaries because of the previous months spent harping on how "unfair" I was being by expecting Monica to prioritize the relationship she was still referring to as her "Primary" relationship & the health of the partner she was calling "husband" over the happiness of her continuing affair with Beru.

I'm pretty sure I paid for 100% of all the tables, including the Canzine table Beru had entirely to themselves because I knew if I went I'd end up pulling out the zine I made to vent about how stressed I was about everything going on, and all of the gaslighting I was starting to notice even then but let myself ignore. I don't know if knowing the answers to any of this would help me, but it probably would help Monica, if it's not another thing she already knows and has been trying to deny while everything burns around her. But I'm not sure if I can ask without my bitterness making it sound like pure pettiness. I kinda wish I had gone to Canzine and taken the zine & let it all blow up then, I would have felt bad about it afterwards but I doubt it would have been anywhere near as terrible as I've been feeling for the last 2 years, but I  wasn't willing to toss 6 years away for someone who only inserted themselves into our lives so substantially a few months prior.

When I told Monica about my discomfort, that I couldn't have this person involved in my life, she acted like she understood. She made a new friend during this time, and started visiting them "going out for coffee" a lot. She kept finding excuses for why I shouldn't worry about giving her a ride, and finally she admitted that it was because she was still seeing the person she had cheated on me with, and pressured me into agreeing that it was "incredibly unfair" to demand she either stop cheating, or stop pretending to respect our relationship. She told me she wanted to work on our relationship, while targetting my insecurities to convince me that expecting honesty and respect for my boundaries was abusive, and that I was overreacting. Throughout this time, I was gradually scheduling my life more and more around when Beru wanted to see Monica; the solution Beru, Monica, and Liz decided on for "letting me get Beru out of my life" was to continue seeing Beru while never mentioning their name, or giving me details I needed to know how to schedule my own day-to-day life. If you ever wanted to know how someone could participate in abuse without actually directly interacting with them, well, there's you're answer- you continue as a shadow presence in their life while your fellow abusers take all the direct action. And, every time the subject came up, Monica didn't actually want to break up with me, and agreed to "work on things" (tell me how I needed to forgive her & stop ~getting in the way of her happiness~, but also maybe planning 2 or 3 "date nights" with me before getting distracted & falling immediately back into the same habits. At some point, she started using the insecurities she had learned about me thru the years to start convincing me that I needed her, and that I wouldn't be able to survive without her. She knew exactly what fears to prey on, and I believed her. Meanwhile, Monica had a whole new circle of friends, who Beru has been telling that the reason I can't stand to be around them is jealousy or some shit. I thought I was imagining the distain in their voices when they realized I was there, but no- Beru has been telling lies to them about me, and Monica is too concerned with them liking Beru to intervene, so now she's surrounding herself with people who don't like me and are enouraging her to dislike me.

As for Liz, she pretended to be a neutral party throughout, shutting me down any time I tried to bring up concerns about the effect Beru's shadow presence in my life by telling me "she's Beru's friend, too" so it was inappropriate to talk to her about it- even when I had literally just tried to kill myself for the second time in 4 days. I had long ago noticed that Beru seemed to get upset any time word got back to them about me complaining about the various issues I had with their relationship with Monica & the implications of my own & that when that happened, Monica started taking it out on me; between that and a desire to "protect" Monica- who was slowly but surely picking up a lot of Beru's cruelty and boundary issues- from judgement because a) she was the one who was doing most of the direct harm, even the stuff that was clearly initiated by Beru, and 2) Beru has a bit more social padding to protect them (a cutesy autistic dfab enby vs a recently-transitioned trans woman with a history of ~scary~ mental illness DXs). So I stopped talking to friends about my issues. I'm not going to go into details about the boundary issues except to say that being surprise face-fucked the first time I tried to give head at 14 by a dude who was loudly disappointed I didn't swallow is no longer the most traumatic sexual violation I've experienced.

Meanwhile, Monica (and to a lesser extent, Liz) were encouraging me to distance myself from my last remaining safety net outside of that garbage fire of a relationship because the idea of coming out to anyone in my family made them uncomfortable. So, instead of dealing with it, they turned anything that involved me interacting with my family at the house for more than 5 or 10 minutes into a sign that my boundaries with my family were still too weak, and I needed to make them stronger. I needed to not talk to my elderly grandma because of how stressful it was for me (mostly because I kept having scramble to come up with more lies about so many details of my own relationship, because being honest with someone who had no way of outting them to anyone they'd care about even if they were inclined to do so was too uncomfortable.)

By the end of the relationship, when Liz walked out the door with less than 24 hours actual notice of her move out date (and no, a single spoken sentence a week before to a person who was between back-to-back suicide attempts, trying to keep track of a 3rd person in the convo who was bouncing rapidly between mania and an extreme suicidal state, and also on T3 & a bunch of antibiotics with harsh side effects does not fucking count, no matter how much she pretends otherwise,) someone tried to get me to see her side by asking me if it didn't make sense that she was avoiding actually giving me anything that resembled a reasonable amount of notice because she felt "awkward" talking to me, and I fucking snapped.

Maybe if she had sucked it up and had one or two of those "awkward conversations" a little earlier, I wouldn't have needed to ask her to hide the pills so I didn't go through with the plans I had made to kill myself that night (I was literally double checking my math on the dosages when she got home). Instead, she pretended to be a neutral bystander in her own relationship, while taking advantage of my subservience and inability to set boundaries in most situations. Most of the private time I sought out with Monica ended up including Liz because I felt I wasn't allowed to say no to that, either.

I was accused of driving away my support network by calling out Liz and saying that any other abuse apologists who wanted to defend Beru to me could piss off with her, but I strongly disagree. Considering Liz part of my support network was a dangerous mistake that could have gone much worse, if she had decided to stay out a little longer or something that night, or had snuck to her room without me noticing (a common occurrence, I had taken it as a sign that I was still taking up too much space by existing in the common spaces of the house.)

Basically, all three of them were fucking awful to me over the last 2 years, and used any negativity I displayed about the situations they were putting me in to beat me over the head, telling me how "unfair" I was.

#traumablogging

[a-marlene-s]

La Red: Part 3

Warning: Mentions of death/implied suicide.

A Sight for Sore Lies has been seen by many and is only found by those that are connected to one Lila Rossi. When she heard about the blog, she was told by her cousin from another country before their darkness consumed them forever. At that point, she did everything she could to figure out what happened to her cousin it all leads back to Lila Rossi.

Sorrow, anger, and torment consumed her. How could this…monster not be at fault for what happened to her cousin? The evidence was right there! Right in front of them! That her cousin would have never done what he did if Lila did not target him. No matter how much the law attempted to investigate and came to a similar conclusion, but by then, Lila was long gone.

It also did not help Lila’s parents worked for the government in some way or another, causing more complications. Complications that has her using every resource she has to take down the liar. If it means demeaning herself to do that.

So be it.

Little-Miss-Understood: Lila Rossi is at my school. She targeted one of the students, how should I proceed?

Jhn832: She’s here on the blog and has contacted M/B for help against our problem.

---

Marinette tapped her finger against the front counter of her family’s bakery. She was put in charge of taking care of the front of the shop that day, and today was the day she was to meet her biggest ally against Lila. She had spoken to M/B last night and they told her, that there was someone in the city with a massive grudge against Lila and they are to be coming to her that morning. This had her worry, who is this person? Does she know them? Do they know her?

How are they connected to Lila?

How did Lila wrong them?

There were so many questions than through Marinette’s mind that she did not notice someone walking into the Bakery. Right up until said person tapped on the bell that was on the counter. Nearly jumping out of her skin, Marinette held a hand against her head to look at the possible customer. “Sabrina?”

Sabrina did not meet Marinette’s eyes, she kept gazing out the windows expecting she would be spotted at any moment. She licked her chapped lips as she reached into her person to pull out a folded up note. Placing the note on the counter and pushed it towards Marinette.

Marinette, for her own part, raised an eyebrow at the note. Looking back up at Sabrina to see her inching closer to the counter, tightly gripping her bookbag.

“Please read it.”

Against her thoughts on the entire situation, Marinette picked up the note and read it. The contents of the note had her jaw to drop. Looking back up at Sabrina in a completely new light. “What…”

“Could we go somewhere private? I last saw Lila two blocks away from here.”

---

“You are literally, the last person I would have ever thought that wants to go up against Lila.” Marinette motioned for Sabrina to sit on the chair that was next to her desk. For her own self, she couldn’t sit down. The need to keep moving and attempt to keep her mind occupied. “Well?”

For her own part, Sabrina tightly gripped her bookbag against her chest. She was not able to meet Marinette’s eyes and she could feel how tense things were becoming. Marinette continued to question her, questioning her about her connection to Lila, why she wants to help her, what about Chole-there were so many questions and Sabrina still does not know how to answer the first question.

Her connection to Lila.

Why she wants to take Lila down and teaming up with Marinette to do so, it is something that had plagued her mind since she found out the other girl had joined the blog. Sabrina knew the moment Lila came to Paris that her life had once again changed for the worse. The main difference, this time around she was now able to do something about her. The first time around, Sabrina had no power but this time… this time she could do something.

That something is outright retribution for Lila’s past lies. Lies that lead to actions that are unable to take back as they became permanent.

Death… is always permanent.

“My cousin was one of Lila’s victims.” Sabrina finally said, causing Marinette’s mouth to shut tight.

Marinette found herself sitting down on one of the lounge chairs in her room. She kept quiet as Sabrina told her tale. Sabrina’s story caused her own hatred for Lila to grow.

Sabrina took off her glasses to wipe away a stray tear before putting them back on. “You see… I have family out in Spain, Lila’s family found themselves there and well…”

“She started up with her lies?” Marinette supplied when she took note of how Sabrina was unable to produce the right words.

Sabrina nodded. She felt grateful Marinette was no longer bombarding her with questions or demanding her to get to the point. This was something she had not spoken to anyone about what happened to her cousin outside of her family. “His name… his name was Aaron.”

Marinette could not help but parrot the word was and this caused Sabrina’s hold on her bookbag to tighten.

“Was.” Sabrina confirmed, her voice became tense and full of ever-growing fury. “Lila played everyone for a fool. Aaron knew better, his mom, my aunt is a detective and he wanted to be just like her. He… he questioned her, and Lila did not want that… What she did to him, makes what she’s doing to you look like nothing. He would call me and tell me how everyone turned on him and-and-and-”

Sabrina was not able to finish; she did not bother to hide her tears and began to hiccup out her words. It got to the point her words came out a jumbled-up mess. She was completely broken down when Marinette took her in her arms to cry it out. Marinette did her best to console Sabrina, patting her head and whispering to her that it was unnecessary for her to finish.

Marinette has a strong inkling what happened to Aaron and couldn’t help the fear within her grow. “Sabrina, please breath. Think of something else, happy memories.”

At that, Sabrina froze as realization crossed her mind. She needed to breathe again, to think of the happier times. This was not the time to allow Hawkmoth to intrude. Not today. Despite how overwhelmed she felt, Sabrina did her best to ward off the negative emotions she felt and swore she saw a familiar purple glowing light disappear at the corner of her eye. “I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be.” Marinette said she did not stop patting Sabrina’s back. “I shouldn’t have pushed you to talk about…what happened. It’s just that...”

“I’ve been following Lila around like all the others?” Sabrina frowned, she showed clear displeasure of her own actions. She looked over at Marinette who was looking at her questioningly. “I have been documenting everything Lila has been saying. Everything.”

Sabrina reached into her bookbag to pull out a thick leather-bound notebook that has multiple sticky notes all throughout it. “I have asked everyone in the blog to give me all they know about Lila and dates of supposed events. Everything. I know with our history, that you should not trust me but believe me when I say this… I hate Lila Rossi. I want to do everything I could to take her down.”

“Do you trust me?” Marinette countered she needed to know if Sabrina has her back on this.

“I do.”

---

[I take it you and Little-Miss-Understood made contact went well? Good. She is our bookkeeper; she has written a clear record of Lila’s whereabouts and has one of the main keys to call off Liar-Liar down. It will, however, work if you outright show it off for the world to see. She would simply state they were created as a direct attack against her. For now, you need to see who else is friend or foe. Not to let them into the plan, but to see how deep Lair-Lair has her grip on them.]

[And to those who does that she does not have a massive hold on them? What of them?]

[Do nothing. If they prove to have their heads up her arse, take them down with her. Even if you consider them as your friend, but understand that right now they are not acting as such. It is toxic and outright abusive. You may give them a chance before you decide what to do next with them. You must remember, your health comes first. If that means having to destroy friendships, then so be it.]

Marinette stared at M/B’s latest email along with Sabrina on her computer.

“Chole is out of the country, visiting her mother right now. We don’t have to worry about her for now.” Sabrina mused aloud.

“One last chance. One last chance before I cut them off.” Marinette said, with clear hesitation in her voice.

Sabrina raised an eyebrow at her. “One last chance? How many chances have you given them?”

“Too many…”

“The only people I see you possibly wanting to give one last chance to  are Alya, Adrien and Nino.” Sabina pointed out, she reached into her bookbag to pull out a small notepad. She proceeded to write down the names of her classmates on a clean page. “Alya completely and utterly destroyed your trust in her. To the point of accusing you of bullying and being jealous of Lila. Nino is a follower along with the rest of the class… as for Adrien…”

“He knows.” Marinette said, avoiding making eye contact with Sabrina. “He knows that Lila is lying about everything. He… he said he wanted to keep the peace. That I was being too cruel to Lila for trying to expose her lies. He’s more worried about her getting akumitized again than her actually-”

Sabrina slammed her notebook against the table, causing everyone on it to shake. It even caused some pencils to roll off the desk. “What. Else. Did. He. Say?”

Marinate sat frozen in shock. This is the first time she had ever seen Sabrina explode. Chole was always the one that has outburst and such. Sabrina, meek and shy, Sabrina would never create such an outburst.

“Marinette, what else did he say to you?” Sabrina demanded.

“He said that Lila’s lies were not hurting anyone. That I should take the high road and do nothing.” Marinette replied quietly that slowly turned into a soft whisper.

“It’s people like him are the reason Aaron is gone. People who won’t stand up and publicly stand up for others with the truth are good for nothing.” Sabrina hissed out, her eyes began to shine with unshed tears of anger. “As long as people do nothing, there will continue to be victims. The blog is a clear example of that. The vast majority of them, like yourself, no one stood up for them. No one. No one stood up for Aaron and that resulted with his death. Tell me, is Lila hurting you?”

Marinette looked away from Sabrina to gather her thoughts. She could no longer think this as Marinette, she needed to think this as Ladybug. This isn’t about her anyone. It is about all of Lila’s victims and if she hesitates to do something then the cycle continues on.

No more victims. No more.

“Help me take down all the pictures in my room.”

“Way ahead of you.”

Riiiip~

#La Red #ML #ML Salt #Miraculous Ladybug #Fanfic #AU #Part 3 #Salt

[storiesofwildfire]

𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑨𝑪𝑻𝑬𝑹 𝑺𝑯𝑬𝑬𝑻

             REPOST, DON’T REBLOG !

tagged by: @nottobecrossed tagging: @dragetunge @lxvingdeadgxrl @fandralxthexstabulous @ofcharredbones @inadxquacy @wellplighted @bifrostgold and whoever else would like to do this!

author’s note: since I’ve done this for Loki a billion times and/or this information is on Loki’s dossier, I’ll be doing this for a side muse, in this case, Fandral!

𝐛𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐬 

FULL NAME. Fandral Bjarteson NICKNAME. Fan GENDER. Male HEIGHT.  6′5″ AGE.  Right around 1,200 Asgardian years old, though in human years, he would be much older ZODIAC.  Gemini SPOKEN LANGUAGES.  All-tongue ( a magical language that translates so anyone who hears or reads it can understand it in their native tongue ). However, Fandral has also learned other languages from various realms including native tongues of the Old Gods, modern Midgardian English, and several others

𝐩𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬 

HAIR COLOR. Blond EYE COLOR.  Bright blue SKIN TONE. Fair but with a nice, sun-kissed glow BODY TYPE.  Lean-yet-muscular  VOICE. Baritone DOMINANT HAND. Right-handed, but is very capable with both his right and left hand POSTURE. Fandral carries himself with an air of flamboyant properness. He’s never too stiff, but he does maintain proper posture unless casually relaxing or trying to appeal to a few lovely individuals. SCARS. Fandral has a fair few, especially around his hands and arms due to battle. However, Fandral, like most Aesir, heal exponentially well. He has access to some very talented healers as well, so many of his injuries don’t have a chance to scar over. One of the most noticeable, though is definitely on his shoulder, from where he was impaled through by a Jotun’s ice attack on Jotunheim. You know, the raid on Jotunheim that Thor thought would be such a good idea? The raid that almost got all of them, especially Fandral, almost killed? That’s also the scar Fandral’s the most self-conscious about and will actively attempt to keep hidden if possible. TATTOOS. As of right now, Fandral doesn’t have any tattoos BIRTHMARKS. none MOST NOTICEABLE FEATURE(S). His... general handsome-ness? Fandral is considered exceptionally beautiful, even by Aesir standards. He’s the type of person who draws in the attention of just about everyone and they’re probably mad at themselves for liking him at all.

𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐝 

PLACE OF BIRTH. Asgard HOMETOWN. Idavoll, a small farming community in Asgard SIBLINGS. None. Most Aesir families only have one or two children despite their very long lifespans and Fandral never had the joy of having a sibling.  PARENTS.  Bjarte (father) ;; Gyda (mother) 

𝐚𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 

OCCUPATION.  Warrior, companion of the princes ( I mean, it’s not a job, but it should be ), and agent of Sigurd ( Odin’s adviser and the head of a spy network spanning most known realms ) CURRENT RESIDENCE. Gladsheim, Asgard’s capital CLOSE FRIENDS. Loki, Heimdall, Thor, Hogun & Volstagg ( gotta shout out the other two that make up the Warriors Three! ) and Sif, sometimes, when she’s not being mean to him. Fandral is also rather close to some of Loki’s good friends, though those relationships tend to be more private and personal. RELATIONSHIP STATUS. Verse dependent FINANCIAL STATUS. Fandral is a special case. He’s the son of a farmer. He owns no property himself, has no real money ( yes, there is wealth to be had in his family’s business, but nothing in comparison to the people he spends time with ), and in actuality, is not all that wealthy. Due to his various positions, talent, and companionship, though, Fandral has made quite the name for himself and, to follow, a very luxurious lifestyle.  DRIVER’S LICENSE. No, why would he need that? CRIMINAL RECORD. Fandral’s committed treason a few times, but he’s never been openly punished for a crime. VICES. Flirting too much ( and often with the wrong person! ), being caught in the middle of friendships because he cares deeply for people who do not care for one another, not presenting his most genuine self, stretching the truth and/or straight-up lying to maintain a certain appearance, getting too attached when he knows he shouldn’t.

𝐬𝐞𝐱 & 𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 

SEXUAL ORIENTATION.  Pansexual--bottom line is, if Fandral finds you attractive and you find Fandral attractive, he’ll definitely sleep with you. PREFERRED EMOTIONAL ROLE. submissive | dominant | switch PREFERRED SEXUAL ROLE. submissive | dominant | switch -- Fandral leans dominant but with certain partners? You’d never guess that ( looking at you @bifrostgold looking at you ) LIBIDO. High... Higher than it needs to be. TURN ON’S.  Uh? Fandral’s kind of made a reputation for himself of sleeping around frequently and often bedding one or numerous partners regularly. Fandral has a long list of turn-ons that’ll get the job done, but the things that stick out the most for meaningful connection that goes deeper than sex is genuineness. If someone is honest, open, and understanding, that’s what takes Fandral’s attraction from purely sexual to “damn, I might want to stay with this person.” TURN OFF’S. General poor behavior, spiteful tendencies, general attitudes that bring down moods or are designed to make him or someone else feel bad LOVE LANGUAGE.  Random acts of kindness that are customized to the individual’s likes, desires, and needs, things that are not asked for and not expected, but Fandral goes out of his way to do them anyway. RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES.  In all truth, Fandral is not an expert at relationships. In fact, sex is more his area of expertise while actual romance has not happened much for him. In committed relationships, he often second-guesses himself in regards to if he’s enough for his partner. Is his just a pretty face or does he provide his partner with what they need? Does he do enough? Are they annoyed because he’s doing too much? Is he being genuine with them or is he still hiding behind that Dashing persona he presents to the rest of the world? Fandral is a very caring and nurturing person and will often take on the role of caring for his partner straight away, but he fears being overbearing or clingy because he’s really not used to longterm relationships.

𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬 

CHARACTER’S THEME SONG. Underdog by Imagine Dragons HOBBIES TO PASS TIME.  Swordwork, studying various religions, cultures, and other subjects one would not expect Fandral to care about, showing off for an appreciative audience ( literally, Fandral will do this in front of just about everyone with any skill he possesses. He loves peacocking, honestly ), reading, general exploration, shopping, crafting LEFT OR RIGHT BRAINED.  Fandral is a pretty even blend of both right and left-brained, though I would say he leans a little more to the left in the realms of analytical thinking. You’d never guess by looking at him, but it’s true. PHOBIAS. Failing those he cares about. While Fandral has loads of self-confidence, there is still part of him that knows he’s just the son of a farmer and was never destined for greatness. A lot of weight sits on his shoulders to deliver and make the people he loves proud and he is constantly afraid of failing, of not being enough. SELF CONFIDENCE LEVEL. High, though as mentioned above, Fandral does have his fears and self-doubt, he just doesn’t air them openly. VULNERABILITIES. Protecting his true nature from the personality he presents to the world, his mother, his mentor, buying into his own flamboyant cockiness from time-to-time, getting too attached.

#( side muse ) fandral #index; loki #filed under; affiliates #index; secondary muses #filed under; fandral #( long response ) if it were easy everyone would do it #tagged meme

[skywardboundzelda]

Hylian Reverie, Chapter One

Hosted on Archive of Our Own by divinince.

The stories of a Hylian Reverie (or lack thereof), in which Zelda (clandestine dreamer and soon-to-be Queen of Hyrule) yearns to fulfill the destiny Hylia has written for her, while Link (Ordonian ranch-hand and retired Hero of Twilight) wants no part of his bloodline's fate. The pair attempts to find balance in post-war Hyrule.

Chapter One

Hyrule rebuilt the castle itself.

Not literally, of course, but even Zelda (who deeply felt and understood her subjects’ compassion) was stunned by the generosity of the people of Hyrule, many of whom she knew to lead fairly modest lives. Donations of money, material, and labor flowed from every corner of the kingdom: even a kind yeti on Snowpeak sent a barely-legible letter offering the princess all of the assistance he and his wife could possibly provide. Though charmed, Zelda declined the offer. Two yetis, she wrote, would feel dreadful away from the cool mountain air.

Whenever Zelda spoke of the new castle, her citizens roared with pride. Nearly identical to its predecessor, the new castle radiated a sense of Hyrulian camaraderie -- a sense of camaraderie previously unknown.

Zelda’s coronation was long overdue, yet she refused to wear any other title until Hyrule had completely recovered. Her father, bless him, perished in the mere days before the invasion of the Twilight, and in the midst of a war, no time existed for his successor to be crowned. Zelda had ruled as the Princess Regent since and refused any other title: her people, she reasoned, did not deserve a monarch only in title and in face.

In private prayers, however, she felt Hylia push her to take her role, her title, her crown, and wear them with conviction. Though she could deny herself, she could not deny her ancestor.

“Your Highness,” piped Aren, Zelda’s childhood nanny and her most trusted advisor, during the final days of construction, not long after Zelda had first expressed her concern, “the council lost the previous plans in the war. They lost… well, they lost everything, really. Perhaps your people need time to grow accustomed with all the change after the war.”

Zelda, for the first time in months, did not flinch at the mention of the war. She looked past Aren to the men assembling the final room, the throne room full of towering stones and intricate carvings. Her eyes focused on one man, an Ordonian swordsman and, apparently, mason. Lowering her gaze, she spoke frankly.

“More importantly, my people need a ruler to ensure their safety.” With a pause, she sighed. “Though the council halted their coronation plans after the war started, I find it necessary that we do not withhold the event any longer.”

“Always a headstrong one,” Aren remarked with a kind smile. “I’ll make it so, Your Highness.” With a curtsy, Aren left to find Zelda’s council, muttering something about a child queen as she hobbled away.

Zelda avoided the obvious notion that, at age nineteen, she could no longer be described as a child. Not only had she passed into adulthood, but she had seen the world crumble in the process. She had sacrificed and regained her losses. She had been a healer, a puppet, and Hyrule’s servant throughout her suffering.

In her mind, she could no longer be a child. No child wore her burden and survived so easily.

That evening, the council announced that the coronation would occur exactly one week after the quickly-approaching completion of the castle. At dinner, various members of her staff came and went in a flurry, hastily bowing before Zelda before asking her what time of day she wanted to be coronated, what kind of flowers she wanted, and, perhaps most superficial of them all, who she wanted on the guest list.

Perhaps it was not the question that was superficial but the conversation that followed. Aren, tearing off a piece of her bread and dipping it into her soup, smirked.

“Oh, put that handsome young king from that kingdom down south on the list,” she said, and a royal advisor nodded and scrawled the name on a rather empty page. “I can’t remember his name for the life of me, but we surely want to be on his radar.” She winked at Zelda, who turned away with a bleak look. The conversation always seemed to turn to the prospect of marriages and alliances and slimy kings.

A young maid came into the room, curtsying before placing a plate of fish before the princess. “King Rego, Lady Aren?” she inquired, to which Aren nodded. “He got married last spring, ma’am.”

“How do you know?” spat Aren with narrowed eyes, not taking kindly to being corrected by a mere maid. Zelda, with pursed lips, raised a hand to her advisor, hereby silencing the woman before she could further abuse the maid.

The maid, hardly wounded by Aren’s words, slid the advisor her own plate of fish (a fish slightly more charred and less presentable than the princess’) and smiled knowingly.

“My sister is one of his mistresses.”

With one last curtsy to the princess (and a slight smirk towards Lady Aren), the maid exited the room. Aren grimaced, cursed the maid for being uppity, and finally turned to Zelda as though nothing had happened.

Zelda knew that the next question out of her mouth would be about marriage. The very day she turned thirteen, heads of state from many kingdoms requested her hand in marriage, sending everything from heartfelt letters to lavish jewelry to foreign delicacies in order to win her heart. The king (may he rest in peace, she considered as he crossed her mind) made it very clear to each suitor that the decision was Zelda’s and Zelda’s alone. Zelda appreciated the independence; however, she had no interest in getting married. Such matters seemed trivial -- now more than ever.

“Princess,” Aren said, leaning too far into the girl’s title for comfort. Zelda looked at her with an ineffective warning glance and focused her attention on taking a sip of wine. “What about that hero of yours? You’ve hardly spoken of him, which is odd, seeing as he saved your life and kingdom.”

Zelda coughed on the wine stuck in her throat and paled. She had made little conversation about Link with anyone in the castle, knowing that mention of him would prompt unwanted questions. Why don’t you knight him? Why aren’t we honoring him? Are you going to marry him?

“The hero,” said Zelda, voice quivering slightly, “has no interest in marrying me, and I have no intent to marry him. We hardly even know each other, and he made the decision to return to his roots. He and I lead completely different lives, and that is okay.”

Zelda would never admit to her nurse that she had thought about the possibility once, twice, or maybe a handful of times. She figured it to be less the result of romantic feelings and more an infatuation with her idyllic, ancestral history. Many of the Princess Zeldas before her had their heroes, and Zelda liked to imagine that Link was her equivalent of Hylia’s Chosen Hero. He would storm the castle, green tunic and all, and sweep her off her feet, even if just for a fleeting moment.

Zelda doubted that Link could even carry her, but if he could, she knew he had bigger ambitions than to be the Chosen One. He returned to his village quietly, without a grand procession or any sort of fanfare to identify him, and Zelda figured he had no real desire to be hero in the first place.

As dearly as she wanted to fulfill the stories that flowed in her blood, she couldn’t fault him for wanting peace.

“Why don’t you invite him to the coronation, at the very least?” suggested Aren, taking a bite out of her charred fish and grimacing at the taste. “You owe that much to him.”

“As the princess, I don’t much owe anyone anything,” she retorted in a jocular tone, enticing a laugh from Aren before speaking again, “but I owe him my life and would be honored to have him.”

She wasn’t lying when she said that, and she brought her wine glass up to her lips in order to hide her growing smile. She reasoned that, at the very least, it would be nice to see him again and know he was both real and well.

“I’ll make it happen, Your Highness,” Aren assured with a wink. “Give me his location and I will send your best men to present his invitation.”

Zelda sputtered. “Actually...” She cleared her throat. “I’ll deliver the invitation personally. It’s the least I could do after all he’s done for m… for Hyrule.”

Though Zelda hoped that she had hidden her enthusiasm well, Aren’s smirk revealed that she could sense the excitement. Zelda could hardly deny that she missed the boy -- the young man, pardon -- and desired to give the hero the welcome he deserved. She wasn’t even sure she had ever properly thanked him.

“You’re hiding something, Princess,” chirped Aren, “but I like it when you’re mysterious.” She finished off her glass of wine and motioned for a servant to bring her more. “What’s so special about this hero that he gets an invitation hand-delivered by the princess?” She leaned forward, inspecting Zelda’s outward appearance, then chortled softly. “Don’t tell me it’s something shameful? Oh, no, don’t say it!” She feigned losing consciousness. “He’s an Ordonian farmboy, isn’t he?”

“L-lady Aren, that is highly inappropriate!”

After that meal, neither Aren nor Zelda mentioned the hero (despite however much Zelda yearned to say even the slightest thing about the man who fulfilled her generation of the prophecy). The staff of the castle was too busy making arrangements for the coronation to consider anything so trivial; however, while the royal tailor was pinning silk to fit Zelda’s form, Aren handed her an envelope with the royal seal and said, barely above a whisper:

“Take it to your Ordonian hero.”

#hylian reverie #legend of zelda #twilight princess #tp zelda #tp zelink #tp link #zelink #loz #scripture

[redlipsandlostrings]

I’m sure this will be an unpopular opinion.  Most of my opinions aren’t popular, though, so I’m used to it.  This post is long, and I doubt many of you will read it, which is also completely fine.  Like so many of you, I read this article about the next direction Punchdrunk is taking.  But unlike so many of you - I’m absolutely excited.

And I say this as an ambivert at best.  Despite my loud (and foul) mouth, I’m most comfortable being alone, preferably in my own head.  Perhaps this is the natural byproduct of being an only child for nine years, or being left largely to my own devices for my entire childhood.  Being singled out makes me uncomfortable.  The thought of people watching me makes my skin crawl.  The idea of doing anything even remotely adjacent to performing in front of others is call for a full-blown panic attack.

What made me fall in love with Punchdrunk in the first place was that it pushed me outside my comfort zone.  The memory of stepping off the McKittrick Hotel elevator for the first time is crystal clear.  I was alone in the Macduffs’ apartment, headless baby dolls on one side, a graveyard on the other, no living souls to be found, and the answer to the question, “What do I do now?,” even more scarce.  After quietly panicking and seriously contemplating asking the stoic black mask how to get the hell out of this madhouse, I had a realization - nobody was going to give me the answers.  Inaction would not serve me here.  I could shrink away, or I could jump in.  So I jumped.  It was terrifying and exhilarating.  

The deeper I dove into Sleep No More, the more my boundaries were pushed.  What if I did something wrong?  What if I stood in the wrong place?  What if I got in the way of the actors or the choreography?  What if I looked foolish in front of the other audience members?  What if I looked foolish in a 1-1?  What if, what if, what if.  Then...what if I believed I could do this?  What if I trusted that I was capable of being in this space without being wrong?  What if I was just as able as everyone around me to engage and interpret and appreciate this beautiful and bizarre creation?  The greatest gift Sleep No More has given me is the belief that I am capable.

Four years later, Sleep No More is a comfort and a joy.  Going back is like being wrapped in a warm, soft, murderous blanket.  My brain craves repetition, so re-tracing those character loops makes my heart sing in its own special way.  But as dear to my heart as Sleep No More is, and will always be - it no longer challenges me.  Of course I see new variances and interpretations (to the extent they are permitted) in portrayals of the McKittrick’s residents.  It’s still beautiful.  It still makes me cry.  But there is no more grand, sweeping, literally breathtaking sensation of, “Oh god, what is this and what do I do?”

I find myself asking, “What’s next?”  One answer to that question was found in Baltimore, home of Submersive Productions and their recently-ended HT Darling’s Incredible Musaeum Presents: The Treasures of New Galapagos, Astonishing Acquisitions from the Perisphere.  Musaeum is smaller in scale than Sleep No More, but dare I say, more lovingly crafted.  Though not as grand and sweeping, or dark and murderous as Punchdrunk’s endeavors, Musaeum pushed me in ways Punchdrunk has not.  There are no masks.  You are spoken to - frequently, directly, publicly, privately - and responses are expected.  In the Musaeum, I was no longer able to hide behind the shield of the Punchdrunk tropes, comfortable in the knowledge that at most I would have to nod my head or point at something.  Musaeum required me to think on my feet, to be brave, to engage with the story in a new terrifying and exhilarating way.  My security blanket was missing.  So again - I could shrink away, or I could jump in.  And again, I jumped.

So why can’t technology be part of what’s next?  I think people are reading a bit too much into the Wired article (focusing more on some key phrasing used by the tech-oriented author than on what Felix Barrett actually said.)  Nowhere in that article did I see Felix Barrett saying Punchdrunk’s future shows will consist entirely of staring at phones.  I do not believe actors will be replaced by technology.  The phone is a tool.  Just like the mask is a tool and the looped storytelling structure it a tool.  They’re all tools in different ways.  We’ve all been salivating at the idea of Punchdrunk Travel since we were teased with its mention years ago - did we really think that could be achieved without technology?

I also don’t see anywhere in that article where Felix Barrett says other people should stop making the kind of immersive theater we already know and love.  He’s not stopping anyone.  He just doesn’t want to do that same thing any more.  He’s an artist and a human, he’s growing and changing, he wants something new, he wants to push his limits and ours.  Would I love to explore six different worlds all crafted on the same mechanism as SNM and TDM?  Absolutely.  But I cannot fault him for not wanting to sing the same tune with different words forever. Someone on the Punchdrunk Lovers Facebook group cracked a “joke” about demanding a board meeting with Felix in the wake of this news.  As much as we have fallen in love with what he has made - he does not owe us anything.  If you don’t like what he’s making, by all means, don’t attend, don’t give him your money, don’t donate to the company.  But don’t take a, “How dare he?” attitude.  Nobody is required to make you the art you want.

I think it’s incredibly offensive to say that Punchdrunk “accidentally created beautiful works of art whilst attempting to create gimmicks and games.”  SNM and TDM are astonishing and intentional and pushed limits when they were created.  Ten years ago, I don’t think many people in the theater community would have believed the mechanism of Sleep No More or The Drowned Man would work.  Plenty of people still think it’s a gimmick.  (And let’s be honest with ourselves, plenty of people treat attendance at Sleep No More or Drowned Man as a game, but that’s another conversation.)  When people heard Musaeum incorporated puppets, many people dismissed that idea as ridiculous and juvenile.  But if you actually went and saw the show, I dare you to have spent five minutes with the Ice Picker Bird and not felt a tug on your heartstrings as she searches for her babies.  All these things we’ve come to love were once new and foreign and absurd and uncomfortable.  So why are we unable to give this new idea a try?  Why are we certain it will be bad, when we’ve never done it?  (I hear the Kabeiroi objectors warming up in the wings - by all reports, that experience was not perfect, and perhaps should not have been billed as a new show.  But just because that particular experience had flaws does not mean Punchdrunk’s entire future plan is doomed to be miserable.)

I don’t see the incorporation of technology as mutually exclusive with human connection.  Punchdrunk helped so many of us remember that there’s magic in the world - now they want to use technology to literally take us out into the world.  While I will always love the idea of the theater as a sacred and mystical space, I also relish the thought of the entire world becoming that palette.  I DO want to go outside and run around and hike across London and get caught in rainstorms.  I want to get lost and found and kidnapped and frightened.  I want my limits pushed.  This is not playing on “simple fear.”  It’s the electricity of the unknown.  Four year ago, I would not have believed I could handle something like Sleep No More.  But even though he does not know me, even though I have never laid eyes on Felix Barrett and probably never will, he had faith in me that I could handle it.  He said, “You can do this,” and pushed me out the door.  He changed my view of the world - and of myself - when I stepped off that elevator four years ago.  And I have faith in him that he will astonish me with whatever is coming next.

#sleep no more #punchdrunk #submersive productions #htdarling