Marks of a warrior ft. Zhongli + gn!reader
cw/tags: hurt/comfort, self-harm mention (reader), scars, pretty suggestive but not full blown smut for once PLEASE these are delicate topics DO NOT READ IF IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE.
notes: Listen, as usual this is very self-indulgent, but also very personal, not everyone may feel like this of course and I hope not to make anyone feel insulted or uncomfortable, I try not to "romanticize" just... some comfort for the depression hours ok?
The satin sheets pool around your waist as you sigh, soft and nervous.
This was… the first time you got this far, and it made your heart skip a beat.
It was very intimate… and intimidating.
And despite that, there was a certain rush of excitement as Zhongli pulled off your clothes. You helped shake them off, a bit clumsily, and blushed as he stares at you.
And now here you are. Clad in just your underwear, shy and sitting on his lap, faces mere inches apart.
Those golden eyes travel over your skin, committing every curve, every mole, every strand of hair, to memory. Zhongli does not only look, he evaluates, he appraises that which he likes or finds fascinating. Studying it and, if enticed enough, the ex-archon’s gaze would turn covetous. Like a dragon wanting to claim and possess a new treasure.
Like how he stares at your right now.
There’s a certain hunger in his eyes and you almost shiver at the intensity of it, averting your eyes and subconsciously bringing up an arm to cover yourself. “D-Don’t just stare, I’m-”
“Beautiful.” He cuts off in a husky low voice that has you shivering for real now. He leans in to plant a kiss at your shoulder, your hands shoot up to his bare chest, curling there and feeling the smooth muscles.
Zhongli trails kisses up your neck, to you jaw, your cheek, your nose and you squeak when you feel his hands explore your body. Large and warm, trey trace your ribcage and brush at your nipples, you sigh.
“All this… just for me.”
You still cannot comprehend how can he look at you like that, with so much love, so much longing. How are you so lucky to have caught the eye and heart of someone so kind, so perfect. A deity, no less.
“Zhongli…”
His hands dip lower, circling your waist and there he finds something. You tense.
His thumb brushes along the scars on your hip and you flinch not-so-subtly.
This is the first time he's seen them.
The first time anyone has seen them.
Dark ugly slashes that you wish you could forget, you could undo.
"Please don't." You mumble urgently, nervous. "I..." Your lips purse together and you frown, conflicted. "I-I'm uncomfortable."
"Alright." Zhongli replies simply, his hands slide up your sides and he leans in to kiss a spot in your chest instead. A bashful smile returns to your face.
His lips meet yours in a slow but heated kiss, you can’t help but want more, be a little demanding. You arms drape around his shoulders and you pull yourself closer. The skin-on-skin contact is electrifying and you moan low.
Breathing each other’s air, pressed so close, so intimately entwined. You lose yourselves in lips and tongue and teeth, in soft hums and small noises and silent smiles.
It's nice, you think, to be so... wanted.
“You act as if you were ashamed. Warriors would often pride themselves on scars.” He says suddenly. “They are a symbol of victory. Another day to live after having faced danger and endured hardship.”
You huff a little, averting your gaze. “I’m h-hardly a warrior… those scars…” You gulp. Surely, he understood…? “They’re not from battle I… I did them myself.” You feel cold creep up your body. Dread. You feel painfully aware of them now, and the pain they bring… the memories.
He hums against your skin, nuzzling there softly. “Ah but that is where you’re wrong, my dear. Those are proof you have faced one of life’s strongest and most difficult enemies, your own dark thoughts. That which cannot be seen, cannot be easily fought, cannot be understood but for the one facing them alone.”
Your breath hitches a little.
“I, for one, I’m glad you’re here today. With me. Glad that you won that battle.” He punctuates every comment with a fleeting kiss, tickling your collarbone. One of his hands rubs at your shoulder, the other is warm on your thigh.
You blink rapidly and press your forehead into his chest, hiding the tears that wet your eyelashes.
How can he be so…
“I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
You stay silent in his embrace a little longer, as he rubs circles on your back.
“T-Thank you… Zhongli. One day I’ll tell you about it, but… now…”
He shushes you and leans back to lie down on the bed, bringing you along and still staring at you with that same reverence. Your pelvis brush together and you gasp. The warmth is back and growing to a full flame.
And this god, this perfect being splayed here below you…
“It’s fine if you don’t. Don’t feel forced to… you deserve to feel comfortable in your own body, and your scars do not take from who you are, nor they define you.” He cups your cheek, eyes half-lidded. “Don’t think about it now…”
You lean down with a smile and kiss him again.
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Hey! Seeing the first picture, it being their first time together, the question comes in my head if they were each others firsts? Did Matt and Mello have partners, guy or girl, before each other?
Oh sweet, you actually got my intention with that cryptic title haha
Here are some thoughts:
They absolutely were each others first same-sex partner.
Matt had crushes left and right but I can’t imagine he ever got the guts to act upon any of them.
Matt isn’t picky and is like “ass is ass”. He caught himself staring at butts before only to realise “OH that’s a guy. It’s a good butt though.”
I like to imagine Matt going into the relationship with Mello pretty inexperienced and insecure, whether or not he had a partner before and being overly conscious about virtually anything. He doesn’t want to overstep.
I generally don’t see Mello lusting after or crushing on anybody. I can see him trying things out of curiosity though. Getting with a girl who’s clearly into him just because it’s fun seeing her melt at his advances. It’s a huge ego boost to see him having an effect on people. But it’s always ending in heartbreak on her side or him feeling a numbing emptiness inside. Like he cheated on himself.
“sobbing Did you ever love me though??” “Uh NO?? Duh?? We spent one night together, Isabelle, jeez, chill the fuck out…” He’s quickly at the point of being like “bruh it’s just not worth the drama, holy shit. Wanking is much less stressful.”
So, I’m about 99% sure Mello had sex with women before he and Matt got together but never any serious relationships. Like @not-orphaned-account said, he fucks because he’s Supposed To, maybe because it feels good, but it doesn’t feel right. Matt is the first to make everything make sense.
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slight ramble about body image:
sometimes, i feel insecure about having a lot of small beauty marks on my body (arms, thigh, and even one on a boob). but it's really comforting to be a fan of a character like baxter ward, my other faves, and my ocs who have moles because i think it looks hot on them, and i'm able to turn that energy back on myself.
i used to have a small mole on the corner or my lip, but disappeared in my late teens. rip. i used to think it made me ugly when i was an insecure teenager, but now i find lip or under-eye beauty marks so- lmao
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